Twelve Red Lines
by Vikingr
Summary: I expected to die when I went into the water. Instead, I was rescued by a crew of people who I knew only as characters in a story. But what does it take to become worthy of being a Straw Hat? And why are so many little details not matching up to what I know?
1. Unreliable Narrator

**Unreliable Narrator: a narrator who, intentionally or unintentionally, fails to provide an accurate report of events, and whose credibility is therefore compromised.**

 **A/N: Warning- this fic features a depressed POV character. Mentions of self-harm, descriptions of attempted suicides, and similar are present. Some content may be disturbing to some readers. Caution is advised. I apologize if this offends anyone. Originally posted on .**

They didn't invite me to karaoke. I don't know why that's what set me off- I didn't even want to go. Maybe they knew that, or maybe they were just ignoring me… Either way, the result was the same. _Unwanted. Unnecessary. Alone._ I spent the rest of the class in silence, waiting for the chance to go home, to flee… to hide.

It's not like my classmates meant to be mean, I'm sure. There was no way they could know I had these issues- I was quiet even at the best of times, rarely contributing unless for a group assignment. They couldn't know that before getting into graduate school I was the teacher's pet, the _freak_. No, to them I was the quiet girl in the back of the class, dressed in dark colours and absorbed in my manga. They probably knew I didn't want to go to karaoke, that even stepping into a bar had a fifty percent chance of triggering a panic attack. I should've been grateful.

Being ignored still hurt.

I was up and out of my seat as soon as class was over, heavy pack up on my shoulder. It helped that I didn't have a coat to put on- it was late November, but warm enough that I was fine with just my sweater. Besides, the walk home would keep me plenty warm. Physically at least. Mentally I was cold as ice, my brain going into overdrive, bringing up every moment of pain, every time I'd ever experienced rejection. The long walk only gave me more time to think.

 **-V-**

 _Ryan, on the last day we would see each other for five years, "You didn't think I actually liked you, did you? There's lots of prettier girls at my new school. Loser." He turned and walked away, leaving me alone and stunned under a blue spruce…_

 **-V-**

 _My sister entered the car in tears. "Mom! Everyone was being mean to me today cause I forgot dumb ended with a B."_

 _"Well, look at it this way. If you can't spell it, you'll never be it." I bit my lip at my mother's words; tears stung my eyes. I'd gotten my spelling test back that morning- scored nineteen out of twenty. The word I misspelled? Necessary…_

 _ **-**_ **V-**

 _I paused in the coatroom to tie my shoe, listening absently as my classmates came in. A few familiar voices rose over the footsteps; I smiled. My friends were early for once. My smile turned into shock when I heard what they were saying though._

 _"So… How bad do I need to fake it before the Freak believes I'm sick and does my section too?"_

 _"It doesn't have to be illness Emma. Adam said she'll take over the whole project if we make our handwriting bad enough."_

 _Fighting back tears, I bit my lip until it bled. It was almost time for class to start before I felt safe enough to go out into the classroom proper. The teacher looked at me with concern. "Are you alright Jonesie? You're usually earlier than this."_

 _I forced a smile, trying not to think about the fact that my so-called friends were using me. "I'm fine Miss. Just had a bit of an accident in the coatroom and wanted to clean up. I didn't sleep well last night, so I'm a little clumsy."_

 _ **-**_ **V-**

 _"Watch it Dragon-Freak!" Red hair and cold steel; Davis shoved me into my locker as he rushed past. I snapped, having finally had enough. Grabbing his wrist with one hand, I forced him to stop. He stared at me in surprise._

 _"Never thought the Dragon-Freak would be freaky strong too. Lemme go."_

 _"No." All I saw was red. Davis and his group had been doing this sort of thing since kindergarten; I was sick of it. I twisted his wrist hard. He screamed; something popped. A teacher came around the corner at that moment. Mr. Aaronson- not one of the ones who liked me. Damn._

 _"Miss Jones, what are you doing?"_

 _"He started it." I released Davis and stared at the floor. "He shoved me into my locker."_

 _Mr. Aaronson ignored what I said. "Davis, go see the nurse. As for you," here Mr. Aaronson grabbed my arm and began to drag me through the halls, "We're going to see Miss Victory."_

 _It could've been worse. Our vice-principle was weak to tears- I knew that from when I'd been accused of breaking the school's jungle gym. Not that anyone had believed it I was innocent, even though it had been Woodley who broke it. But tears had been enough to get me out of detention at least. Hopefully they would be again…_

 _ **-**_ **V-**

 _It was my first ninjutsu class. I was so proud to be there, learning a second martial art. I was determined to do well too, to be a good representative of my karate club and make both senseis proud. That dream went out the window quickly though, as soon as ninjutsu sensei asked us what it meant to be a good martial artist. I raised my hand proudly- this was something I knew, the one place I actually belonged._

 _"To be a good martial artist means you are loyal and a hard worker!"_

 _My answer was greeted with a condescending smile. "That's a very samurai answer. But to a ninja, that answer is wrong."_

 _I wasn't able to focus on the rest of class. My heart sank into the floor. How…? But that was what I'd been taught for years. How could it be wrong? Hard work and loyalty had always been the answer at karate- that was how you earned the right to learn what came next. Someone who didn't work hard couldn't master a technique…_

 **-V-**

By the time I got home I could barely hold back my tears. Grandma wasn't home yet, which was one small mercy- while my uncle and Grandpa left me to my own devices now that I was an adult, Grandma still treated me like I was ten. If she saw me crying, she'd tell my parents the next time they called. Then I'd face hours of questions about my feelings- had this happened a lot recently, had I had any more panic attacks, did I think my depression was coming back? None of these were questions I wanted to answer, even to myself. Partially because I knew the answers would only make people angry at me.

The depression had never left. I'd spent two years on medication and hated every minute of it, the pills making my head fuzzy and sleepy. So I told the doctor that I was feeling better, fudged the answers on his diagnostic quiz. My parents had been happy that I could stop with the medication and counselling, giving me more time to focus on my studies as I was heading into a Master's program.

I was beginning to regret my choice of entering graduate school though. Some of the lessons just didn't make sense. Developmental stages? Learning theories? All the ways people's brains worked seemed so complicated- and I couldn't even map them onto myself to try and make sense of them. Because apparently my brain had developed differently, meaning I had no experience with some of the things my professors were talking about. I had a paper due that night that I hadn't even started, I was so confused as to what to write. It was just too much.

Off came the sweater and stiff jeans, replaced by black track pants and a purple hoodie. Much more comfortable. I took off my school ring and the choker that matched it in favour of a longer chain with a watch inspired by my favourite manga. After a moment of thought, I tied my red bandanna around my neck too. It was comforting, the soft cotton tight against my neck. My mother hated it, but that was one of the upsides of living with my grandparents- Mom couldn't see to tell me to take it off.

Despite knowing I needed to work on that paper, I grabbed my Swiss Army Knife and headed back out the door. My head was so clouded, so full of dark thoughts… The walk home hadn't helped, but a walk in the woods might. Or… Well, I was fooling myself with that thought. I knew very well what I was planning on doing under the trees. Just couldn't let myself think the words.

Snow crunched under my running shoes- no point bothering with boots or a coat now, even though it was getting colder. I hadn't left a note even to tell anyone where I was going, let alone… No, it was best not to think about it. If I let myself think the words before I started, I would probably chicken out. Besides, if I left a note and then chickened out- or if I left a note and someone stopped me before I was done- what would it look like? A cry for attention. I didn't want that- no one should waste their time on me.

There were no leaves left on the trees as I entered the forest trail. Still, the dark branches and numerous trunks would be enough to hide me from prying eyes- no one but me would actually enter the woods when it was this cold, this close to sunset. Even so, I wanted to go well away from the road. Back to the lake. It took a couple of hours to get there, but that was alright. No one would be looking for me until Grandma got home at least. I should have plenty of time.

The ground was frozen and hard under my feet by the time I got to the lake. There was no ice in the water though, not yet. Dark grey water lapped at black stones as I approached.

I rolled up my sleeves and brought out my Swiss Army Knife. A shiver of fear ran through me- I had a high pain tolerance, but that didn't mean I liked being hurt. And doing it to myself was always different than pain received by accident or from another anyway. That said, I knew from past experiences that after the initial shock, this would distract me from the memories, make them hurt less.

The first mark was barely more than a scratch, a shallow line of red traced over a faint pre-existing scar. Each successive line was longer and deeper, a total of six on each arm. They burned. It made me flinch and twitch, but the distraction was more important. As was the feeling of floaty whiteness at the sides of my head. I rolled my sleeves back down, watching as black lines of wetness appeared on purple fabric. Blood loss made me dazed and giddy, stealing away my fear of what was coming next.

Knife back in my pocket, I waded out into the lake. My right hand clutched my watch-necklace for reassurance. I was shaking all over- from the cold, from the stinging in my arms, from the slight twang of fear that even pain and blood loss couldn't distract me from. Terror- my instincts screamed out against this. But I just wanted it to _end_ , for all the bad memories and stresses and worries to _go away_.

The water was up to my armpits now, soaking through my clothes and chilling me to the bone. I wondered what could possibly possess people who didn't want to die to do this- that Polar Bear Dip thing so many did in the spring. Or maybe I was just a wimp, that I wouldn't want to do it. The kids at my elementary school always _did_ call me a crybaby. Why though? I never let them see me cry. Crying was a private thing, only to be done in the dead of night when darkness could hide me. Because as awful as I felt, I didn't really have a good reason for all these bad thoughts, did I? In theory, I had a good life. I did well in school and at martial arts, my family was fairly well off financially and were tolerant if not affectionate or understanding. The only bad thing had been the bullying when I was younger, and that had been over for years at this point.

Too bad I could never convince my feelings of that logic. My heart couldn't understand what my brain told it.

I went out further, until I was swimming with trembling limbs. I couldn't feel my hands or feet anymore. Excellent. The numbness would lessen the pain from the next part. I didn't know if drowning would hurt or not, but I expected it might. Cold… Weak… My clothes felt so heavy. My numb arms failed, my kicks fluttering weakly. The first wave lapped over my head, filling my mouth and nose with water. I coughed and gasped, my throat burning. But this was what I was here for; it was too late to turn back now anyway. I was too far for my numb limbs to get me back to shore. Taking one last breath, I stopped struggling and sank into the grey water.

Bubbles rose from my mouth and nose, catching the orange light of the sunset and reflecting it in interesting ways. The colours changed as I sank deeper, reds and yellows fading out to leave purple, blue, and green. My glasses distorted the light even further, so every bubble sparkled like some aquatic faerie.

After a couple of minutes, my lungs demanded air. There was nothing there for them though. I swallowed a mouthful of water instead. My lungs burned; I choked and thrashed weakly, but there was nothing I could do. I had already sunk too deep. Blackness started to grow at the edges of my vision, stealing away the colours from the bubbles. My last thought before I lost consciousness was to wonder whether anyone would miss me.

 **-V-**

A large hand pressed firmly on my chest, forcing me to cough up water. I spat and gasped, wondering what was going on. My heart pounded in my ears; it was this that made me realize I was still alive. But how? I'd been so far into the woods, and I'd made sure there had been no one nearby. Who could possibly have gotten to me in time to pull me out? My chest and throat burned too much to speak, so I couldn't ask.

I opened my eyes- not that I could see much. My glasses were still on, by some miracle, but they were covered with beads of water that distorted everything. There were four blurs above me that were probably people- one green and white, one orange and blue, one brown, and one red. Under my back I felt wood, damp and sturdy and moving gently up and down with the waves. A dock maybe? But there were no docks on the trail lake. And when did it get so warm? I shivered as the cold in my bones met the surprising warmth of the air.

The orange and blue blur hit the brown one. "Don't just stand there! Get me some bandages- can't you see she's bleeding?"

A female voice, vaguely familiar- but from where? I sat up; the green blur supported me. Ah, owner of the large hand located. A few heavy pats between my shoulder blades helped me cough up the last of the water as the brown blur came back with bandages. The orange and blue blur knelt in front of me and took off my glasses, handing them to the brown blur.

"Here Usopp, dry these off so she can see."

Usopp? I knew that name… My brain was still too fuzzy to tell me where from though. I flinched as the orange and blue blur reached for my arms. I was too sluggish to get away though, especially with the green and white blur right there and holding onto my shoulder. Small hands grabbed my right forearm. So small… Next to them, mine looked huge. I was used to that though; I'd always had giant man-hands.

She had trouble rolling up my sleeves- blood stuck them to my forearms. The orange and blue blur gasped when she finally got the stained fabric pulled back. I stared down at my cuts. They were still bleeding sluggishly, a slow, sticky seepage. So I hadn't cut deep enough to bleed out before things started clotting. I'd sort of expected that, hence the attempt to drown myself.

The grip on my shoulder tightened. "A suicide… But how'd she get all the way out here?" His voice was low and gravelly, yet strangely soothing. I flinched.

"I didn't see any boats or anything." The brown blur's- Usopp's- voice was high and reedy, but definitely male. Damn, where had I heard that name before? It was so familiar…

Tight white bandages wrapped around my arms, reigniting the sting of my cuts. I stared down at the golden wood we were sitting on. "I'm sorry…"

"Sorry for what?" The orange and blue blur finished wrapping my arms, rolling my sleeves down to hide the bandages.

"Making you waste your time on me." If I was stronger… If I hadn't let the dark thoughts get control of me… No one should have to help me. I didn't need it; wasn't worth it…

"No one's a waste of time." This was a new voice, childish and serious at the same time- the red blur. Like the others, there was something familiar about it that I couldn't quite place. My head was still so fuzzy.

Usopp handed me my glasses back, their lenses dry. It was when I put them on that I realized why all the voices seemed familiar. A shiver ran up my spine, one that had nothing to do with cold or pain. I knew these faces- knew them almost as well as I knew my own. And yet they were different too. I was used to seeing them drawn in a cartoonish, silly style, after all.

The green and white blur holding me up resolved itself into a muscular, vaguely Asian looking man with three swords. Animation hadn't done justice to his hair- there were strands of light, straw brown mixed in, giving the rich green the appearance of a slightly dry lawn. Crouched in front of me was a redheaded woman with a soft smile- but her staff was within easy reach, ready should I prove a threat. Usopp was gangly and awkward, with nut brown skin and a nose that, while not quite as ridiculous as it had appeared in drawings, was still among the largest and longest I'd ever seen. Unlike his female companion- Nami, my mind supplied- he hadn't thought to ready his weapon.

And behind them all stood the captain. Small, barely taller than me, but with a presence and personality three sizes too large for his body. His scar wasn't quite as pronounced as it had always been drawn- white instead of black, and the stitch marks nearly invisible- and the iconic straw hat was more a pale brownish-gold than yellow. But it was his eyes that caught me- such a dark brown, like a murky forest pool. Something that could hold anything or nothing, with no way of knowing until you jumped in. I shuddered and returned my gaze to the wood beneath me.

Zoro. Nami. Usopp. Luffy. That meant I wasn't on a dock- I was on a ship. The _Going Merry_. But how? That was fiction. My favourite…

Oh. I _had_ died. This was some sort of afterlife. Heaven, maybe? I wasn't Christian, didn't believe in Heaven- and even if I did, no way would I be let in. But what else do you call being sent into the world of your favourite manga after death? That wasn't what I wanted though- the point of killing myself had been _nothingness_. I didn't want to think anymore, didn't want to feel. Frustration boiled up in my chest. I felt like sobbing, needed to cry- but I couldn't. There were people here. I couldn't cry where anyone could see.

Legs shaking, I tried to stand. Zoro held me down. A surge of fear- I needed to get out of here. Knowing who these people _were_ didn't mean I really knew them. They weren't my friends. I never had many of those to begin with, hadn't seen any of them in two years- none of them were here, no way to get to them ever again. My breath started coming in rapid pants; I tried to focus on my heartbeat to calm myself down, but it wasn't working. I clutched at the chain of my necklace-watch, my knuckles going white.

It turned out that was a poor idea. My automatic action drew everyone's attention to the pendant. Four sets of eyes narrowed; Zoro let go of my shoulder and drew his white katana. _Wado Ichimonji_ 's blade was cold against my neck. I froze.

"Where did you get that?" I didn't need to look at Zoro's face to know he was glaring daggers. If looks could kill, I would be long dead.

Usopp let out a sharp gasp. "But I just painted the flag yesterday! Don't tell me someone else uses that symbol!"

"No." Luffy's voice was cold, hard- like when fighting someone who tried to steal a member of his crew. "No one does. Shanks would've told me."

Part of me wanted to remind Luffy that he hadn't seen Shanks in years, that it was possible for a new crew to have sprung up with a straw hat on its Jolly Roger that the red-haired pirate wouldn't have been able to warn him of. That part of my mind was drowned out by all the others. I was used to being on the spot, talking my way out of trouble in elementary and high school- whether it was my fault or not- and hiding things from my parents. But this situation was so new… My breaths came even faster and shallower, my heart pounding in my ears. Distantly, I could feel the chain in my hand digging into my skin.

Sliding my fingers down, I fiddled with the heavy brass pendant. Heavy because it was a clockwork watch- although it hadn't worked since a week after I bought it. Three words ringed the edges of the watch- pirates, navigator, Luffy. In the center of the watch's cover, large and proud, was a grinning embossed skull topped with a straw hat. The symbol of my favourite manga.

" _Where_ did you get that?" Zoro repeated. I shook and curled in on myself as I tried to force my burning throat to speak.

"I bought it- about a year ago." My voice sounded tinny and faint to my own ears. Combined with the dizziness, shaking, whiteness on the edges of my vision- I was going to pass out soon. Just like I did when my mother was mad at me.

Cold steel pressed more firmly against my neck, drawing a tiny trickle of blood. A single drop of warmth slid down, tickling- a prompt to continue. I considered just clamming up- between my anxiety and my sore throat, talking was hard enough anyway. But if Zoro killed me, would I die? If this _was_ the afterlife, a beheading would just hurt- couldn't die again. But if I wasn't in the afterlife, Zoro could bring the nothingness I wanted.

Of course, there was always the chance he wouldn't choose to kill me at all, merely hurt me. Punishment. That was the most likely option, if these real Straw Hats had the same personalities as the ones in the manga. Even Zoro didn't kill without a damn good reason. I forced my throat to work, hoping my need to pass out could hold off long enough. Best to tell the truth too; Luffy would probably be able to tell if I lied. Or was that just fanon? I couldn't remember… Although… Did it matter? Every book, movie, fanfic; whenever a character had a big secret they were trying to keep, it would inevitably come out- although not always to the person the audience was hoping for until too late, _Merlin_.

"I… I come from somewhere _else_ \- there's no good way to explain it." Maybe if I curled in on myself enough I would disappear into the deck of the _Merry_. Or wake up and find this was all a dream, my latest attempt at suicide a nightmare from falling asleep at my computer again. So far, no such luck. "It's another world- different map, different people, different technology. In my world, this," I waved my hand weakly, encompassing everything, "Is a comic book. A story. One of my favourites. I have no idea how I got here."

Someone snorted- without looking up, I couldn't tell who. "That sounds even crazier than some of the stuff Usopp comes up with," Zoro scoffed. "Prove it."

"Okay Zoro." I felt the swordsman tense, a minute movement of his katana's blade. Right- aside from Usopp, they hadn't used anyone's names. I moved my gaze to the captain's feet. "Luffy… Have you heard from Ace lately? Dadan?"

"How'd you- oh, mystery world thing. I guess you're telling the truth."

"HOW CAN YOU ACCEPT THAT SO EASILY?!" Nami shrieked. There was a hollow smack as she hit Luffy over the head. The captain groaned.

"She knows about Ace and Dadan. No one knows about them. Well, other than Grandpa." Luffy shuddered.

"Who are they anyway?" Usopp wanted to know. "You've never mentioned those names."

"Shishishishi! Ace is my older brother! And Dadan's the old hag who raised us- she was a mountain bandit, but she wasn't that bad." A rubber foot stretched over to nudge me. Luffy's skin was oddly shiny when stretched, though it looked normal when he was relaxing. "Ne, if you know about Ace, do you know about-?"

"Yeah," I murmured weakly. The whiteness covered most of my vision now. I swayed, fingers of cold creeping down the back of my neck. "I know about Sa-." Vision gone, ears ringing. No idea if I managed to finish the name. I was vaguely aware of falling over sideways, but I didn't feel any impact.

 **-V-**

When I came to again, I was lying on a narrow cot in a dimly lit cabin. Nami sat on another cot against the wall opposite. She was reading by the light of a hanging oil lamp, but apparently also watching me as she put her book down within seconds of me opening my eyes. A small hand rested on my forehead.

"Well, you don't have a fever. It was probably the blood loss." The navigator shook her head. "I- I won't ask what made you do something like that. It's not my business. But if you want to talk…"

I shook my head. "You have enough to deal with without worrying about me."

Already pale skin turned a sickly, greenish shade. Then Nami shook her head, forcing her breathing to calm. "You- you said this was a story for you. How much do you know?"

"That depends… I'm not sure exactly what point in the story I'm at." Although if Usopp had just painted the flag, I couldn't be too far along. I reached up and rubbed my head. There was a slight ache growing behind my eyes, as often happened after I'd passed out. "Have you met Sanji yet?"

"Who's Sanji?"

So that was a no then. "I guess I know a lot." Which made my blood run cold. Just my being here could change things- what if I accidentally killed someone? No, no, that was too much pressure. My breathing started to speed up again. I clutched at my necklace with one hand, fiddling with my bandanna with the other. It didn't help. Nami placed a hand awkwardly on my shoulder. At least I was already lying down, so if I passed out I wouldn't fall.

"Calm down- deep, slow breaths. We need you conscious so we can ask you some questions."

Yes, because that was going to make me more comfortable. _Alone. Questions. Judging. What do I do? What do I say? What if they don't like me? What will they do? Help! Someone help! Help, help, helphelphelp!_ I barely heard Nami call for someone, my ears ringing with my anxiety. Why was this worse than going to a bar? Those were so much more crowded. There were only four other people on this ship- why was I panicking even more than usual? Small groups like this didn't normally bother me!

In hindsight, it was probably partly due to the blood loss and near-drowning.

Sensei would be ashamed- I was ashamed. I could face down armed opponents twice my size with a smile- why couldn't I handle talking to people? Trying to focus on my breathing wasn't helping much, so I closed my eyes and ran through katas in my head. By the time I reached my green belt katas, my heartrate and breathing had slowed enough that I was no longer in danger of passing out from hyperventilation. When I'd finished my brown belt katas and opened my eyes, all four current members of the Straw Hats were standing next to my cot. I sat up and leaned back against the bulkhead.

"S-so… Nami said you have some questions?"

"Yeah." Luffy sat beside me, far too close. I edged away as much as I could; the captain made a small, sad noise, but didn't try to approach again. "You said this was a story… What kind of story? How much do you know? But don't tell us what! I don't want spoilers."

I forced a smile at that. Luffy's antics reassured me a little, reminding me of all the laughs I'd gotten over the years from reading and watching _One Piece_. Such a good escape from… No, couldn't think about that right now. I'd just gotten through an attack; I didn't need another one. "It's an adventure- a fantasy. I know a lot, but it wasn't done yet when I…" I rubbed one hand along my opposite forearm. Luffy reached out hesitantly as if to touch, maybe to try and help somehow; his hand dropped halfway.

"Um…" I bit my lip, tasting blood. I wasn't biting that hard, so something must've happened when I passed out. "I- just by being here I'm changing things though. Or I might. I wasn't there in the story. I'm sorry…"

"About what?" That was Zoro, gruff and confused.

"People could die because of me." My voice was barely a whisper as it came out. "I have no idea how my being here will change things, what will happen. I didn't mean to- didn't think it was possible to- Osti d'épais de marde. I was supposed to die and not cause problems for anyone anymore, not make more…" Tears burned at the back of my eyes; I was shaking again. Why had this happened? Why couldn't I have just drowned?

"Look at me." Luffy's voice was firm and strong- a leader's voice, like Sensei. I couldn't disobey, no matter how uncomfortable I was looking people in the eye.

"You're _mine_." Luffy pointed at my necklace. "You bought that, you wear it… You _chose_ to our Jolly Roger. If your story tells you as much as you say it does, you _know_ what that means. So quit worrying."

"But what if something bad happens because of me? I'm so useless…"

"Stop thinking that- captain's orders. Besides, you're being dumb." Luffy picked his nose. I winced- being called dumb by a manga hero known for his lack of intellect hurt. "Yeah, something bad might happen- but something good might happen too."

 _Ace_. If I played things exactly right, could I prevent his death? But what could I do? I was shaken from my thoughts by another question from my- my captain.

"Saa, so, what's your name anyway?" Luffy swung his feet back and forth, unable to sit still. I dropped my eyes from his face to the floor, thinking. What should I tell him? Should I use my real name? I didn't like it- this could be a perfect chance to change it. But I couldn't think of anything…

"Jones." I tugged at my bandanna. "Just call me Jones."

Nami tapped her foot. "Last time I checked, that wasn't a girl's name. You _are_ a girl, right?"

"Um… technically?" Did I really have to get into this now? I wasn't comfortable talking about this with my own family, let alone strangers. I curled into a ball on one end of the cot.

Apparently my new crew mates were willing to leave well enough alone- for now at least. My wishy-washy answer to the question of gender was dropped in favour of Zoro's scowling inquiry. "Jones… You knew stuff about Luffy's past, stuff he's never told us. Do you know about the rest of us too?"

"A- a little." I stared at _Wado Ichimonji_ \- much more comfortable than trying to meet the swordsman's eye. "I know about Kuina… I know a little about Usopp's dad and why he always lied to his village about pirates coming. And I know about Bellemere."

On the last sentence, I turned slightly towards Nami. Even without looking at her face I could see her pale. The navigator let out a little gasp, her hands curling into fists. She was shaking. Right- if they hadn't met Sanji yet, she was still being forced to make maps for Arlong. It was no wonder she was the most knowledgeable about my anxiety; she probably had similar feelings herself. Except with a much more valid reason.

Usopp started to say something, but Luffy cut him off before he could get a word out. "Okay, new rule. No asking Jones about people's past without their permission- captain's orders. And Jones- no spoilers."

Everyone else protested at that. "But what if we need to know?" Usopp whined. "What if we're stuck and Jones knows a way for us to get out?"

"Or if there's a number of paths and she knows which one is safest?" Nami added.

Even Zoro chimed in. "What if she can identify who's a strong enemy? Or who's really a friend that we shouldn't fight?"

I _did_ know all those things- up to a point, at least. But at the same time, they didn't need me. "You did fine without me in the story…" I mumbled into my bandanna.

Luffy sighed and crossed his arms. I could hear the pouting in his voice. "But it's no fun if we know what's coming."

"Sorry…" My back was starting to hurt from being curled up like this. I was too anxious to sit any other way though, especially with so many people so close. Not strangers, not friends… I didn't know what to do. "I can leave if you want. That way you don't have to worry."

"No." I was surprised by the vehemence in Luffy's voice, a sudden switch from his whining about spoilers. His forceful tone made me cringe, even though it wasn't angry.

"Why?" I could barely force the words out. "You don't know me. Why would you want me to stay?"

"Cause you chose our Jolly Roger. I already said- that means you're _mine_. You know us, and we can get to know you." A hesitant rubber hand reached out again, this time coming to rest on my knee rather than falling to the bed halfway. I flinched. "If you _really_ want to leave though, I guess I won't stop you."

Did I? I knew I didn't _deserve_ to be a Straw Hat, had nothing special to bring to the table, but did I _want_ to leave? I _should_ leave, but… One way or another, I seemed to be stuck in this world. Whether it was some sort of demented afterlife, or I was actually here… If I had to be in this world, wasn't it best to be with the Straw Hats? With them I could go anywhere, do anything, try whatever I wanted. They were the heroes, so if I wanted to live, sticking with them was the smart choice. And if I still wanted to die… Surely in this world of badass, something would eventually come along to grant that wish?

"I- I'll stay… _Captain_." Glancing up at Luffy from between my knees, I saw him smile. It was small and kind, different from the wide grin he was usually portrayed with in the comics. No one had ever smiled at me like that before- a smile that saw my fear and wrapped me in a metaphorical blanket, telling me everything was going to be okay. Or, it should have. Luffy was telling me without words that I had a place here, that I could rely on him if I needed, but… After this long, I didn't know how. I was so used to being alone… But this was _Luffy_. I knew how he acted, knew he would never try to hurt someone on his crew. He only wanted to help.

"Good." Luffy pulled his hand back. His nose wrinkled as he looked at my arms. "Ne, you and Nami should go shopping next time we find a town. That's what girls like to do, right? All the blood on your sleeves can't be comfy."

Zoro sighed. "Not all girls like the same things as the witch," he said, probably thinking of Kuina. Nami hissed and hit him over the head.

Luffy was right though- the drying blood on my forearms made my sleeves crusty and uncomfortable. I must've bled a lot, for that much to be left after how long I'd spent under water. Although some of the crustiness may have come from the ocean salt- there were white flecks against the black stains. Bloodstained or not, my clothes were all still damp- with the odd exception of my bandanna, which had dried out unusually quickly for being made of cotton.

"So," Usopp asked hesitantly, "What do you do? Cause we already have a navigator, a swordsman, and the master sniper- me!"

Stars filled Luffy's eyes. Wow. That was funny in a comic, but creepy in real life. It was like his eyeballs had suddenly become little flashlights- they even brightened the cabin like lamps. Did people in this world have some sort of bioluminescence? "Are you a musician?"

"N- no. Well, I mean I played trombone in high school, but I wasn't very good and it was a long time ago… I've got a Bachelor of Arts and Sciences in English and Biology, and I was working on a graduate degree in science communication." Four blank stares met my words. Right, most places in _One Piece_ didn't seem to have anything resembling the school system I grew up with. "I read things- books, letters, comics, anything really- and find the hidden messages inside. Then I write things that change the way the people reading them think about the subject. I formulate arguments- and win, when I can make myself actually speak. I'm- not good at talking in front of lots of people." That would have to do. I had no idea how to explain biology to this crew; they'd just have to see as we went along.

Nami and Usopp made noises of understanding, but Luffy and Zoro's faces were still blank. If I'd been with my friends I would've groaned; as it was, I just buried my face in my knees. "Word fights. I win word fights."

"Oh! Cool!" Luffy bounced on the cot beside me. Zoro grunted; I peeked up at him in confusion.

"That's alright, but we're pirates." The swordsman rested one hand on the hilt of _Wado Ichimonji_. "We're risking our lives every day; what about when you get into something words can't get you out of? Can you _fight_?"

Zoro's voice didn't have the same unquestionable authority Luffy's did, but he still had _something_. It was like Sensei when he was asking if I really believed my katas were good enough for a tournament or grading- both a command and a challenge. I reacted on instinct, startling myself as my anxiety momentarily vanished.

"I'm a brown belt in karate and an earth degree in ninjutsu- I may not be the best, but I'm not useless." As soon as the words left my mouth, cold dread shot through my stomach. I bowed my head, trembling. "Sorry…"

"Good." Zoro's voice was abrupt, but kind- not upset with me for my sudden attack of attitude. "Don't know what those mean, but at least there's a spine in there somewhere under all that fainting."

"Ninjutsu…" Luffy mused. "Nin- ninja! Are you a ninja?"

"No." I uncurled so I was sitting properly on the cot, gripping the blanket tightly with one hand. Rough, heavy cotton, but soft- it was a similar fabric to my bandanna. Comforting. "I- ninjutsu-sensei and I didn't get along. Philosophical differences- he thought I was too samurai, and I thought he was too condescending when it came to other arts. So I stopped going."

"If you're not a ninja," Luffy whined, "What _are_ you?"

Damn. I was too used to my world, where almost everyone knew what karate was. Fishmen would here, but apparently not many others. Forget schooling systems- basic terminology was different here. It was amazing that anyone even spoke English. If I didn't figure things out quick, I'd probably get someone killed by making some giant cultural mistake or missing a cue that would be obvious to the natives. "I'm a karate-ka; a martial artist. We mostly fight unarmed, but I can also use a staff or sais a bit."

"What're sais?" Luffy asked. Zoro answered him before I got a chance.

"Sword breakers. Small, a little pointy, steel. They've got tines on the sides to catch a blade, then if you twist them just right…" The swordsman made a motion like he was snapping something with his hands. I flinched and turned my eyes down to the blanket I was sitting on. It was a dull, undyed colour- very plain.

"I would never…"

"I know you wouldn't. We're on the same crew, aren't we? Sheesh, you're jumpier than Usopp."

Not that I had any sais on me anyway- just my little Swiss Army Knife. My forearms stung just thinking about it, making me wonder if I should give my captain the blade. It was what I would've done at home- given my knife to a friend for a while after a suicide attempt so I wasn't tempted to use it again too soon. But I couldn't, not here. The knife was a comforting weight in my pocket-and what if I needed it? I was a lot more likely to need to cut a rope or something here than I was in the life I'd come from. Reaching my left hand into my pocket, I brushed my fingers over cool metal and worn resin, rubbing my thumb across the raised logo.

"All that stuff's too complicated," Luffy whined, fiddling with the brim of his hat. "Can't I just call you a ninja? It's easier to remember, and it sounds cool."

I wanted to tell him no, that names were important; I wanted to explain the differences between bushido and the way of the ninja, the importance of dojo loyalty. But I couldn't bring myself to argue with someone I barely knew. Even if I could, Zoro was the only one who'd care anyway. My knuckles went white as I clutched the blanket. "Okay, I guess."

My tone must've said what I was really thinking though. I'd have to work on that; concealing my emotions was an essential skill, even from my own friends and family. As it was, I'd barely made it through some parts of this conversation without crying. Luffy shot me a look of disappointment, which only served to make me shrink further into myself.

"Jones… It's okay to tell us if you don't like something. If you don't wanna be called a ninja, just say. What was the word you used?"

"Karate-ka." I- that was more consideration than I could remember being shown in a long time. Even my fellow students at karate- people I usually thought of as friends- enjoyed teasing me by calling me a ninja when they knew I didn't like it.

Luffy patted me on the back. I flinched, but there was no room to pull away. My captain looked sad for a moment. Then his face lit up with a huge grin, like the one he always showed in the comics. It looked painful on an actual person's face, too wide to be real. But he was rubber, so I guess it didn't hurt him. "Ne, Jones, come on! We've gotta show you how to sail the _Merry_!"

Rubber fingers clasped over my wrist. I tried to tug free, but Luffy's grip was too strong. None of the escapes I'd learned would work on him either; a rubber man whose limbs could be tied in knots with no problem wasn't going to be bothered by joint locks. The bouncy captain yanked me off the bed, forcing me to stumble after him and hauling me up the ladder onto the deck. I bashed my shin on one of the ladder rungs, unable to keep up properly with Luffy's enthusiastic speed. Zoro, Usopp, and Nami followed us at a more reasonable pace.

My enthusiastic captain plopped me in front of the mainmast and spread his arms wide. "You probably know this already, but this is the _Going Merry_! She's our home! _Merry_ 's a…" Breaking off, Luffy looked at Nami with a frown. _Of course_ he'd forget the specs of his own ship. If he was a D&D character, intelligence would be his dump stat.

Nami hit Luffy over the head with a rubbery smack before turning to explain to me. I shook my head. "He's right; I already know. The _Going Merry_ is a caravel with a single cannon. Crew capacity twenty, or thirty if you're willing to sacrifice cargo room. She's approximately eighteen meters long, five meters across the beam, and with a cargo capacity of up to sixty tonnes. For some reason, she was built to steer by whipstaff rather than having a proper wheel like most large ships. You were told she's lateen rig, but since your foresail is square and your mizzen is lateen, _Merry_ 's more of a _caravela redonda_."

My new crew mates stared at me. "You know a lot about ships," Usopp said slowly.

I bit my lip. "Remember how I said this was all a story to me?" When everyone nodded, I continued. "Well, I _really_ like this story. And when I _really_ like something I tend to do a lot of research- about pirates and ships in this case. The history won't be relevant, but the ships and weapons… Plus my uncle's a sailor. He tried to teach me, but it didn't go well."

To people used to a world where the sea was life, livelihood, and travel, that was apparently a very odd concept. Even Zoro and Luffy looked at me funny. "Not well _how_?" the swordsman asked.

"You know how some ships have a crossbar called a boom that holds the sail and part of the rigging?" Everyone nodded. "It's called a boom because that's the sound it makes when it hits the side of my head."

"Shishishi!" Luffy fell over with a thump and rolled around on the deck as he laughed. Usopp and Nami looked horrified. Right, they were probably imagining a full-sized ship, not the little training dingy my uncle had tried to teach me in. My pride wouldn't let me tell them that the boom I was referring to was only as wide as my forearm though.

"How- how many times were you hit?" Usopp asked, voice shaking. I thought for a moment. Let's see… I'd crossed the bay six times, means I'd turned at least eleven times… Plus avoiding the rocks and my uncle's main boat…

"Twenty-seven times over the course of three hours. He finally gave up after that."

"Nice." Zoro nodded approvingly. Nami shook her head.

"I'm amazed you can remember your ships so well after that much brain damage."

Shrugging, I curled up at the base of the mast. I had a hard head, and the boom I was talking about wasn't the same size as they were probably thinking of. There hadn't been much- if any- brain damage from my aborted sailing lessons. Although I'd been hit in the head a lot at karate too… But even when Senpai Will threw me and my head bounced off the floor, I'd never gotten a concussion. Never even been knocked out. By my world's standards I was made of iron- which probably made me about average in this world. But with training…

"Do we have any scrap wood around here?" I asked quietly. Usopp paused in whatever he was doing- something with lines that I didn't know- and looked at me.

"What?"

"Scrap wood- stuff that's too short or oddly shaped to use for repairs. Do we have any?"

Usopp shrugged. "I dunno. We'll look tonight; you can point out if you see anything like what you mean. What for?"

"Training."

"Oh. Okay. Well, um, for now… Let's get you started learning the rigging, yeah?"

"Sure." I got up and walked over to the sniper. He began explaining the lines and knots used on the _Merry_ and what to do to change the sails.

For the rest of the afternoon I followed Usopp around as he explained and had me practice. The ropes were heavy, rough hemp- my weapon calluses weren't enough to protect my hands. Blisters grew and popped, stinging my palms. I ignored the slight pain, though I checked periodically to makes sure there were no splinters or fibres getting stuck in the wounds. Eventually though, Usopp noticed that some of the lines were becoming spotted with dark blood.

"Gah! Jones, are your arms bleeding through the bandages?"

"No." I showed the sniper my hands. So much red, raw flesh; they dripped like the time I'd skinned them biking when I was little. Usopp looked sickened and confused.

"You… You've really never sailed before. What did you _do_ for a living?"

I shrugged. "Wrote. Fought. Gardened. Poured concrete."

Sighing, the sniper pulled me to the galley and got out more bandages to wrap my hands. "Your hands will toughen up soon, but why didn't you tell me you were hurt? We don't expect you to push yourself that hard yet; you're new, we don't know what you can do. Even Luffy won't be mad if you stop cause you're injured."

"But I _know_ what's coming." I stared down at my hands and bit my lip. "Even if I'm not supposed to tell… I know that I need to work hard; I don't want to be a burden. And you shouldn't waste bandages on me- look, my hands already stopped bleeding."

"Well, yeah, but you'll just tear them open again if you try and do anything without wrapping them." Hah, I was right. The quick healing that my family doctor commented on was nothing out of the ordinary here.

Usopp didn't have me do anything more on the lines, but I followed him around for the rest of the afternoon anyway, watching what he did, holding things for him, and fetching tools. At least, until Nami came up and tapped me on the shoulder. "Jones, since you're new, it's your turn to cook."

The navigator shoved me gently towards the galley. Sanji's domain, or it would be in about a week, if I had my timelines right. Not that Oda had ever elaborated on how much travel time there was to get from place to place… I bit my lip as I entered the holy land. Hopefully I wouldn't screw this up too badly. But damn, without a recipe…

Well, we had buckwheat noodles, eggs, fresh fish, carrots, celery, and spices. I could make ramen with that. I set some eggs to boiling as I assembled the flavours I wanted. Ginger, garlic, salt, jalapeno pepper… We didn't have soya sauce and I didn't know how to make it, but we did have sake and miso. It wouldn't be exactly the same as the ramen I made in university, but it would be close enough.

An hour and a half later- I'm a slow cook- I opened the galley door and banged a spoon against a pot. Everyone was busy and wouldn't have heard me if I just spoken normally. When the clanging failed to attract any attention, I sighed. They were really gonna make me do this, weren't they? Well, fine. Raising my voice this soon after an episode was hard- painful- but there was no other way to make people hear me. I cleared my throat and let fly with my best Ma Kettle impersonation.

"COME AND GET IT!"

Zoro- the only one I could see- jumped so high I was surprised he didn't go over the rail. Luffy fell down from somewhere in the rigging; Nami and Usopp ran down from the poop deck. Everyone stared at me in confusion. Then Luffy burst out laughing.

"Shishishi! Jones sure can be loud!"

My face heated up; I stared at the deck. "Sorry… You didn't hear me when I banged the pots…"

"No, it's good." Zoro shook his head and smirked. "You need to be loud on this crew. You used to teach at your dojo, didn't you?"

I nodded as we went into the galley. "Sensei had me do warm-ups and work katas with the kids sometimes."

Usopp wrinkled his nose as we all sat down to eat. "Well, whatever this is, it certainly smells… _interesting_."

Luffy bopped him over the head. "It's ramen, dummy! Although it smells different than the last ramen I had." My captain poked his dinner with his chopsticks for a minute before picking some up and taking a bite. Then his face turned purple.

"Something wrong?" When Luffy didn't answer, Zoro took his own bite. He turned purple as well. The swordsman stopped Nami and Usopp before they could eat anything. "Don't. Just… don't. If you do, you'll be sorry."

What? What was wrong with my ramen? I took a bite, confused. Sure, it tasted different than what I'd made in the past, but it was okay. I looked up at my crew mates. Luffy and Zoro finally returned to normal colouring, the former gasping for breath.

"So spicy!" Luffy immediately gulped down water. "It hurts!"

Zoro nodded. "Jones- what's with all the ginger? It's burning my… Well, my everything."

Huh. It didn't taste that bad to me. Maybe a little on the gingery side, but not what I would call spicy. Nami and Usopp took small, cautious bites, but quickly frowned and pushed their bowls away. The sniper looked at me with something akin to awe. Nami just stared at the ramen with disbelief.

"I've never tasted food that could be used as a weapon before," Usopp whispered. "It's like my nose is dying. I bet someone who ate the whole bowl would be sick. Or maybe burn their throat out. It's like eating ginger fire."

"Really? It's that bad?" I was offended, but couldn't show it. Instead I stared at the table- I was starting to get the feeling I'd be intimately acquainted with the grain patterns of every part of the _Merry_ in short order. The table actually had one whorl that looked kind of like a pineapple. "Sorry…"

Nami sighed. "I guess I'll cook, since I don't trust any of the men with it. Honestly though, what kind of girl are you? I'm not a great chef, but I could at least make something edible by the time I was your age."

"My- my age?" I couldn't help it- anxiety be damned, I started laughing. "Sesehihihihihi!" I couldn't stop, couldn't breathe. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy as I sat there choking on my giggles. Eventually Zoro reached over to pat me on the back. Heavy thumps encouraged my lungs to calm down.

"What was that all about?" Usopp asked once they were sure I wasn't going to pass out from laughter. I bit my lip and looked at Nami.

"Um… I'm used to people thinking I'm younger than I am, but really? When you were my age? Sorry Nami, but you've never been my age yet. You're eighteen; I'm twenty-three. Well… Almost twenty-four now."

"What?" The navigator stared at me, eyes flicking between my face and my chest. "But… You look like a kid. Fifteen or sixteen maybe."

"I know… People tell me that all the time. It's annoying. My grandma's neighbors thought I was still in high school, and when I went to the bar with my friends, I got carded by someone younger than me!"

Blank stares. I sighed and drew into myself. "Where I come from, you're not supposed to sell alcohol to people under a certain age."

"No, that's a thing here too," Nami assured me. "Not that it stops many people. I think we're more surprised at the idea of you trying to go to a bar."

"Well… Two of the times I had a panic attack, so I guess… But I was fine when I went with Senpai Tom. As long as I have a friend with me, I'm alright." I rubbed my bandaged hands nervously. "You might see later, depending on…" _Depending on how much I trust you and whether I feel like you'll like me._ "I- I'm not always like this. Today- yesterday?- was just a really bad day."

Nami looked like she wanted to say something, but instead she shrugged and went to the stove to make something quick. Usopp and Luffy were confused; Zoro frowned. The swordsman's body language said on no uncertain terms that he had something to talk to me about later. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing, although it was nerve-wracking either way.

While Nami cooked, I continued to eat my ramen. I was used to flavours like that, and I couldn't let it go to waste. When I reached over and absconded with Usopp's unfinished bowl, I was met with raised eyebrows. I shrugged. "The taste doesn't bother me. I _made_ it, after all. It's not like I don't taste things while I'm making them. And we shouldn't waste food at sea."

Luffy nodded at my comment about not wasting food, that being a general philosophy of his- even if his definition of "not wasting" usually meant eating it all at once, rather than taking rationing into account. Usopp looked disturbed. "That just makes it worse! You're used to eating this?"

"I guess? I mean, I had to cook for myself all through my undergrad, so it was probably usually like this." I slurped up that bowl and reached for the next unfinished one- Nami's.

"And you can't taste that? You're sure- you're not being dissolved from the inside out by an unholy amount of ginger?"

"Don't think so?" Why was I so hungry? I grabbed Zoro's abandoned bowl next. Maybe it had something to do with the blood loss? "Sorry…"

"It's okay!" Usopp assured me hurriedly. "Weird and scary, but okay. You don't need to keep apologizing. I just can't believe it- you must not have any taste buds."

That was possible. I'd always known I could eat things so salty they made my dad gag- although doing so made my heartrate speed up and go all funny for a few minutes, so it probably wasn't a good idea. The rush I always got from doing it was interesting though. As for the apologizing… Reaching for the last bowl- Luffy's- I tried and failed to look Usopp in the eye. Ended up looking slightly to the left of his head, which was pretty good by my standards.

"Sorry. I can't help apologizing so much. I'm Canadian; it's in our national DNA."

My stomach hurt- I'd eaten a little too much. But with how much blood I'd lost, I probably needed it. Tired, I fell asleep on the galley table while my crew mates were having a proper dinner that Nami had made. I wasn't sure what it was, but before I drifted off, I smelled chicken.

 **-V-**

Callused hands shook me awake. I peeled my face off the table and blinked up at Usopp, wood grains imprinted on my cheek. The sniper smiled. "I know you're tired, but did you still want to look for a, er, training board before bed?"

"Eh? Oh, yeah." I stood and followed the sniper down into the hold. There wasn't a lot down there- wouldn't be until after we went to Loguetown. I was only able to find one piece of wood to fit my needs- square, about two centimeters thick, thirty centimeters on a side. It wasn't enough for actual training, but it was enough for me to test myself. I needed to know if it was just people in this world who were tougher than I was used to dealing with, or if everything would be. This wood would help me figure out how much I needed to step up in the way of training.

As we were leaving, I spotted something else useful. A long, thick dowel- almost three centimeters in diameter and the perfect length to fit in under my armpit. It was smooth and well-sanded, a light coloured and heavy wood. I pointed it out to Usopp. "Um… Do you need that for anything?"

"What? No, not that I can think of. You can have it."

"Thanks." I grabbed the dowel and swung it around a bit to test. It wasn't quite the same as my bo staff from karate, but it was close enough. Solid beech- nice. It wouldn't break easily then. I just needed a strap or holster of some kind to carry it, if I wanted to be armed at all times. Or… I supposed I could always just use it as a walking stick. Or maybe a blind man's cane if I took my glasses off.

Heading up to the cabins, I was about to go into the girls' room for more sleep when I ran into Zoro. I clutched at my necklace, jumping back and kicking myself for not noticing him standing there. The swordsman's arms were folded. To a lot of people that might seem threatening, but for me it was a relief- if someone's arms are folded, it takes them a fraction of a second longer to draw a weapon or attack. In my experience, folded arms meant a person was grumpy and closed off, but harmless. Didn't necessarily mean I could trust them or that they liked me though.

"You said you had a bad day," Zoro began, gesturing towards my bandaged arms. "I saw while Nami was fixing you up- there's other scars there. Very faint- a small, fine blade held by a steady hand. How often do those kinds of bad days happen?"

"Why does it matter?" I mumbled, burying my chin in my bandanna. Zoro shot me a hard look.

"If you're gonna be on this crew, it matters. You can't endanger everyone by losing it in the middle of a fight or something."

As harsh and gruff as he sounded, Zoro was probably just trying to show he cared- or was willing to care, as he hadn't known me long enough yet to trust me properly. Knowing that didn't keep me from flinching and rubbing my arms. But it was still better than a lot of the people back home who claimed they were trying to help. At least he hadn't said "Be happier," or something along those lines. Understanding that I had issues and trying to work around them for the sake of the crew was more productive than telling me my anxiety would go away if I socialized and smiled more.

"They're… frequent. Not regular though- I can go months without an episode usually. It's- the old scars, they're from _years_ ago, most of them."

Zoro raised a grassy eyebrow. "And the burns on your hands? Don't try to pass them off as cooking after what happened with supper."

It took me a minute to figure out what Zoro meant. Right, tiny, almost invisible flecks of pink and white scar tissue on the back of both hands. "But they _are_ from cooking. I was the fry cook at a local restaurant the last few summers to make money for school. Splashed myself with hot grease a lot."

Something about my tone must've convinced him. The swordsman sighed and unfolded his arms, running a hand through his hair. "Look Jones, I'm not trying to scare you. The last thing I need is to deal with you passing out _again_. But we need to know what to expect from you. Are you gonna break down and panic in a fight? Are you gonna throw your life away because something triggers one of these bad days? If you're gonna be one of us, we need to be able to rely on you."

"You can." I raised my chin stubbornly, staring at a point somewhere over Zoro's head. I was shaking inside, but there was no whiteness encroaching on my vision yet. "My anxiety doesn't have anything to do with fighting. Just talking." I really, really wanted to break down and cry now, but not in front of Zoro. Maybe once he left me alone I should head somewhere else for a while before trying to sleep. Yeah, that sounded good.

"If you're sure…" Zoro sounded dubious. "Just remember, I'm keeping an eye on you. And Jones…"

"Yeah?"

"I know you've got a knife in your pocket." The swordsman turned and made his way to the men's cabin.

Yep, I needed a good cry. As soon as Zoro was out of sight, I snuck up on deck and found myself a shadowy corner by the rail. Curling up into a ball, I let go of everything- my control, my fear, my confusion. My tears felt hot on my face. Or maybe the air was just cold? I always had a hard time telling that. But my hiccuping breaths were misting in front of me, so it must be a cold night. Of course, with how much I was shaking from emotion, I couldn't tell if I was shivering.

Even once I'd started crying, I was careful to keep quiet. I didn't want to disturb anyone's sleep. My eyes soon began to burn, my head throbbing behind them. Liquid snot ran from my nose, mingling with the tears. But despite the pain and grossness, it felt good. Crying was a release of pressure I so rarely allowed myself. Yes, I'd definitely needed this.

A couple of hours passed before I uncurled and stood. The trembling and anxiety had been replaced- for now- with an achy calm and determination. I knew they would be back, but until then… Until then I could handle this. I knew this world better than I knew my own- that's what happens when you're too scared of your peers to go out, and stay home reading manga every evening instead. I could use that knowledge to change things, for my favourite characters _and_ myself. I could have _fun_ , free from worry about law or my mother. After all, I was already a pirate, so even my existence was illegal. Maybe I could even save Ace, if I played my cards right.

And the butterfly effect? Screw it. I was a writer; asking "what if?" was my job.

Of course, this newfound resolve wasn't the same as an absence of anxiety. Halfway to the girls' cabin I changed directions, instead heading for the cargo hold. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep in the same room as Nami- as much as I knew _about_ her, she was still a stranger _personally_. So instead of my cot, I pushed a couple crates together and grabbed some spare canvas for a blanket. It wasn't very comfortable, but I'd slept in worse places. At least the _Going Merry_ 's hold was relatively warm and didn't have any drafts. I could deal with the discomfort better than I could deal with sharing a room with someone I didn't _really_ know.


	2. Pathos

**Pathos: an appeal to the emotions of the listener**

I snapped awake to the sound of pounding feet and shouting voices. Not that I could hear what they were saying. It took me a moment to remember where I was- the rocking of the ship and the near perfect blackness of the cargo hold disoriented me. Then I remembered. Right- failed suicide, Straw Hats, makeshift bed. I rolled off my crates and ran to the ladder. There must be something major going on, with all the pounding feet and shouting. Climbing up as quickly as I could, I was blinded by the light as I emerged onto the deck.

"Wha- what's going on?" I asked blearily, looking around. Everything was fuzzy- I'd forgotten my glasses down in the hold. Oops.

Usopp stopped beside me. Dark hands reached out and grabbed my shoulders, ignoring when I flinched. "Guys, it's alright! I found her!"

"Please let go," I squeaked as the rest of my crew mates appeared one by one. The sniper either ignored me or didn't hear me. It was very uncomfortable.

"Where were you?" Zoro demanded, folding his arms. "Nami woke us all up in a panic cause she couldn't find you."

"In the cargo hold."

"Why?" Four voices spoke in near-perfect unison. Usopp shook me a little. I frowned.

"I- I can't sleep if I'm in a room with strangers. So I slept there. Sorry…" Why was Usopp still holding onto me? It was making me very uncomfortable. I stepped back and turned to the side, dropping into a low stance. That was enough to get Usopp to let go- he hadn't actually been holding very tight, so I didn't need to go further into the technique.

"Don't- don't grab me. Please. I don't like it."

Usopp nodded. Then Luffy bounced over, stopping right on the edge of my personal bubble. I knew from the manga that he usually would've come closer- he seemed a very touchy-feely captain- so he could probably sense my discomfort. The rubber captain sounded sad when he spoke. "Jones… Tell us if you're gonna do that, kay? We were worried."

"Why? I promised I'd stay, didn't I? You don't need to worry about me; I keep my promises." I bit my lip and stared down at the deck.

"You said you'd stay; you didn't say you'd stay _alive_."

I was surprised- Luffy wasn't the sort I'd imagined pulling the "exact words" clause on someone. It was something that came naturally to me, between my English degree and my need to conceal things- I always left myself a loophole. Luffy was the first to call me out on it. He was a low INT, high WIS character, I guess.

"Fine then. What- what do you want me to say? That I promise not to intentionally seek death unless doing so would serve some purpose?"

"No." Luffy leaned closer, making me uncomfortable again. Rubber fingers gripped my chin gently and forced me to look up and meet his eyes. "You're doing it again- leaving spaces. If you know what you say you know… You know what I asked Ace. That's the promise I want from you."

"But… I can't. Everyone dies eventually. A fight, illness, old age… I can't promise that I won't die." I rubbed my forearms, making the healing cuts sting.

"Then don't promise me that you won't die. Promise me that you'll _live_."

I trembled. That was _way_ too much. It reminded me of when the Straw Hats saved Robin- except that at that point, they actually _knew_ her. "Why?"

Luffy groaned. "Not again. I keep telling you, you're _mine_. My karate-ka; my crew. You said you know about us. So… you know that once I decide someone's one of us, I don't let go. You're my _family_ now." Dark eyes bored into mine, searching for something. I couldn't tell if he found what he was looking for.

The worst part was, I knew he was right. I could remember laughing at Luffy's logic, his stubborn determination to have a pirate hunter he'd barely even heard of as a member of his crew; his refusal of Sanji's refusal had always been one of my favourite parts of the series. And soon I would be getting to see it in person. Still, Luffy logic was much less amusing when it was aimed at _me_. I couldn't quite understand- why would he want me? His crew didn't need me. Unless… Zoro had needed to be physically rescued. Nami needed someone to save her island from Arlong. Usopp needed to find his courage. Sanji needed a kick to chase after his dream, and someone to save him from his psychopathic birth family. Chopper needed someone to tell him it was good to be a monster. Robin needed a place where she belonged. Franky needed a crew worthy of his ship of dreams. Brook needed a family that could tie his past to his future. Maybe Luffy didn't choose crew mates because of what he needed- maybe he chose the ones who needed _him_.

"Okay. I swear on my honour as a practitioner of karate-do that I will not go seeking for death, and that I'll do my best to _live_ in the time that's been given to me. Now can I go get my glasses? I forgot them in the hold."

Nodding, Luffy released me. I scurried away, shaking. As I moved, I could feel Zoro's eyes boring into my back. Of course. He would recognize that sort of vow; it was bushido, the way of the warrior. I wasn't sure if that meant I should be careful of him or not. It shouldn't… Although he might hold me to higher standards, knowing that we had similar backgrounds that way. That was worrying. Zoro's idea of high standards could be… I shuddered.

By the time I'd retrieved my glasses, Usopp was making breakfast in the galley. It smelled like eggs and bacon. Without much time before food was ready, I stood in a corner of the deck and played with my new staff. Needed to get used to the differences from the one I was used to. I started with a few simple blocking and striking drills, then moved up to various spins. This kept me occupied enough that I didn't notice Zoro wander over. He was surprisingly quiet for someone with no stealth training that I knew of.

"So, what _is_ karate, anyway? I've never heard of an art that used sais and a bo staff."

"It's primarily an unarmed art, actually." I stopped my final spin prematurely- I could feel the angle was off. If I'd gone through with it, my staff would've slipped past my fingers and hit Zoro. "We learn staff because you can pick up a big stick just about anywhere, and sais because they're a traditional weapon from where our art originated. I'm not actually very good with weapons."

"Then you should practice more."

"I know that." Sighing, I automatically tucked my staff behind and under my arm, semi-concealing it. "But it's hard, without Sensei… There's a lot of techniques I haven't been shown yet."

Zoro shrugged. Then a shark-like smirk slowly grew on his face. "How about a spar after breakfast? Show us what you can do."

My blood ran cold. Sparring with a member of the Monster Trio? Oh no, oh no, no, no. That was a good way to get my ass handed to me. Pain and humiliation. But Zoro was using his Sensei voice again, the suggestion both a command and a challenge. My traitor mouth ignored everything my instincts and memories were saying. "Sure!"

The smirk grew into a feral grin. Tabarnak, what was I getting myself into?

Usopp called everyone in for breakfast before my common sense could panic too much. I almost got hit by a rocketing Luffy as the captain rushed for the galley. Sitting down, I waited with baited breath to see if the scene from every fanfiction I'd ever read was about to play out. It did. Rubber limbs snuck and stretched across the table, snatching at unwatched strips of bacon. I hadn't seen it last night, but that was probably because the captain hadn't liked my ramen. And then I'd fallen asleep when everyone else was eating…

It took a minute before Luffy tried to steal from me- maybe because he wasn't used to me being there. Which meant that by the time rubber fingers were encroaching on my territory, I'd gotten over my shock at the madhouse that was breakfast. And as my high school friends had learned long ago, you _don't_ mess with my food. _Especially_ bacon. I grabbed the creeping hand and squeezed. While it didn't hurt him, Luffy looked at me with shock.

"You… caught me?"

"Yes." I swallowed a bite of eggs and scowled at the point between Luffy's eyes. "Captain… _Do not_ touch my food without permission. I _will_ know, and I _will_ make you regret it." To prove my point, I tied Luffy's fingers in a knot. And not one of the sailing knots Usopp had taught me the day before either- a complicated decorative beast I'd used for making jewellery in the past. My captain stared at the resulting Celtic Cross in confused frustration.

" _Joooones_." Dark eyes went shiny with tears; rubber lips quivered. But I'd babysat too many times to be caught by the puppy dog face- Luffy may have been cute and childish, but he had nothing on a set of seven-year-old twins I knew. Or my cat. Rusty had begging for food down to a science.

"Not gonna work Captain. I don't give in to whining."

Usopp whistled. "Mood whiplash. There's that spine Zoro was looking for yesterday."

I frowned at the sniper. "Food is serious business. _Especially_ meat and sweets."

Luffy nodded agreement and understanding, and began trying to figure out how to untie his fingers. I went back to my breakfast, not making eye contact with anyone but keeping an eye out in case my captain decided that my threats just meant he needed to be sneakier. He didn't, at least not today. I was the first one finished. Cleaning my dishes and putting them away, I left to stretch and warm up before the spar I'd foolishly agreed to with Zoro.

Deep breaths; sweet tension as I moved slowly from one position to the next. By the time the rest of the crew emerged from the galley I was lost in the strain, fully focused. My feet were spread as far apart as I could- not a full split, but close- with my elbows resting on the ground, pushing my torso and hips back to increase the stretch. My legs ached and pulled; my arms burned from supporting my weight in this awkward position. I loved it.

"You ready?" Zoro unsheathed one of his swords. Not _Wado Ichimonji_ \- one of the burners that had no name. He probably didn't want to damage her if something happened in the spar. I snorted. _As if_ could do anything that would harm a legendary blade.

"Yep!" I definitely didn't feel ready, but my mouth was a traitor again. Just like the day after my orange belt grading- Sensei asked me who I wanted to fight and I said I'd face anyone he wanted. The result was a swift loss against a blue belt and a black belt, my first time fighting one against two. I expected this to be at least as bad. Oh well, at least I didn't have to worry about controlling myself; Zoro was so high above me, I doubted I'd be able to do more than bruise him no matter how hard I hit.

Nami, Usopp, and Luffy took seats on barrels and the rail to watch. Joy. Because what everyone needs when they're about to be on the wrong end of a curbstomp is a bunch of people watching. I took a deep breath and removed my glasses, handing them to Usopp. If he was gonna use me getting my ass kicked as entertainment, he could at least make sure my eyes didn't get broken. With everything blurry, my anxiety about the fight eased up. Just like a tournament.

I settled into my fighting stance- right foot back at forty-five degrees, left hand open in a blade, right hand a fist at my hip. Then Zoro moved. Fast! I barely had time to slip to the side, turning to bring my left hand down on the side of Zoro's neck. Thick muscle and poor leverage kept my strike from doing anything noticeable. My instincts screamed for me to get away from the sword, but that was a bad idea. Zoro was taller than me, and his katana only increased his reach. I needed to be on the _inside_ , where it was hard for him to turn the blade on me and I could target his wrists.

Shifting my weight back and rotating on the ball of my right foot, I snapped my left up into a low roundhouse kick, aiming at Zoro's ribs. He blocked with the flat of his blade, a loud _tong_ ringing out as steel and bone met. Pain shot up my leg. It was worse than a shin-to-shin block against Sensei Alex; I could feel the bruise forming as I put my foot down. But because of the aforementioned blocks, I was used to some level of pain that way.

It didn't hinder me as I shifted again, throwing all my weight and a surprising amount of momentum into a reverse punch to the swordsman's solar plexus. That one slipped past Zoro's guard; because I was so close, he was having a hard time maneuvering his sword. Excellent. Except for the fact that my punch didn't do what I'd intended. If I'd hit someone like that in my world, they would've had the wind knocked out of them at the very least. I'd knocked men far larger than Zoro backwards before; Sensei had told me never to hit someone my size like that for fear I'd do serious damage.

My current opponent grunted and twitched a little. There was no significant change in his breathing or position. I'd expected that logically, but it still hurt my pride. I was too used to being a big fish in a small pond… Frustrated, I tried what Sensei called the Rabid Chicken Approach- rapid, less powerful punches meant to distract and annoy. Zoro ignored it completely, tanking the blows in order to slam the kashira of his katana into my head. It knocked me back, sending me staggering across the deck as I tried to keep my feet. Black spots danced across my vision. Oww… My skull throbbed. The worst part was that I _knew_ I had a bad habit of forgetting to guard my head, but I'd never managed to change it.

And now I was at the perfect distance for Zoro to maneuver his sword. Tabarnak. Well, at least we were on the same crew, so I knew he wasn't _actually_ trying to kill me. I was immediately on the defensive, focused on nothing but staying out of the way. This mostly consisted of skipping backwards and edging sideways, tracing an ever-larger circle around the deck. Zoro was advancing too fast for me to try to block or disarm him. If I even could; I'd never seen the swordsman drop his blade in the story.

This was pathetic- _I_ was pathetic. I knew I couldn't beat Zoro, but I'd at least expected to put up a decent showing. At this rate, I'd be relegated to the Weakling Trio with Usopp and Nami. I refused! Punching people helped me control my anxiety; I _needed_ to be a frontline fighter. Scowling, I lunged in at Zoro, taking a glancing blow to the arm as I closed the distance. He cut through my sleeve and sliced a shallow line on my shoulder. It burned; but my forearms were starting to sting from trapped sweat and my leg still ached, so I automatically tried to suppress the pain and keep going. I could practically _feel_ the wash of endorphins- although that may have been a placebo effect. It helped that I could only focus properly on one source of pain at a time, and my leg was taking priority since I kept _standing on it._

"TAI!" I was right in Zoro's face when I kiaied. He blinked in surprise. At the same instant, I thrust a front kick into his stomach as hard as I could. And… knocked myself back?! Come on! It was like kicking a concrete wall! Forget fighting Zoro, I should be _climbing_ him!

Then came the sweep of a katana through my base leg, knocking me down. Cold steel rested against my forehead. "Do you yield?"

And he'd been toying with me the whole time- only one sword, no bandanna, a small smile on his face. This was humiliating. I hung my head. "I yield…"

"Good." Zoro sheathed his sword and looked at Luffy as Usopp handed me my glasses back. "So Captain, what do you think?"

"Jones needs more bandages again." Luffy picked his nose. Nami sighed and went to the galley for the first-aid kit. Not that the sword wound was bleeding much- although it was probably a good idea to keep from getting anything in it, since we didn't have a doctor yet. Dealing with an infection without Chopper would be… _unpleasant_.

I was standing by the time Nami returned, and I bandaged my shoulder on my own. Zoro stood beside me as the others started getting to the daily business of sailing. "I can't help with your art much, but I can tell you what I saw from an opponent's perspective."

"Eh?" Despite knowing he'd grown up in a dojo, I hadn't expected that from Zoro. Mostly because he never acted like the senseis and senpais I knew. But from his skill levels he would be _at least_ equivalent to a second or third degree black belt from my world- and that's just his technical skill, not his monster strength- although I had no idea what rank he _actually_ had. "I… I'd like that. Thanks."

He nodded. "Mostly, you're weird. Very precise, even when you're angry- and it's easy to tell, so don't try to tell me you weren't getting frustrated. You fight like you're used to taking the hits and facing opponents who are smaller and faster than you, even though you're pretty small yourself. Guard your head. And stop being so surprised when things don't go the way you expected. I don't know what you thought that one punch would do to me, but there was a noticeable hesitation afterwards. Overall… you think too much. Not a good idea in a fight."

Sensei had told me most of those things before. I bowed my head. "Thank you…"

"Do you need help with training? I know you asked Usopp to help you find that board…"

"Not right now, but maybe later." First, I needed to figure out exactly how far behind I was, coming from a different world. Usopp and Nami seemed to regard some of the things that had made me a freak back home as perfectly normal, so I maybe wasn't as badly off as some people would've been. But if I wanted to be on the front lines, I needed to do better than "perfectly normal."

Oh well, I always worked best when I had a challenge. Moving forward, I could outrun most of the bad feelings.

I tried to tail Usopp again and learn more about sailing the _Going Merry_ , but the sniper told me to give it a day to give my hands a chance to grow some new skin. Nami didn't want my help with navigating either- I think I made her uncomfortable, with her knowing that I knew her past, and the struggles that she had with Arlong. Disturbing Zoro during his nap was a big no, and Luffy was busy hanging upside down from the figurehead. And of course, I wasn't allowed to cook. My captain had actually _ordered_ me not to touch the stove when I said I was bored and thinking of making cookies.

So with nothing else to do, I trained. I started with the basics- kihon- all my stances, punches, kicks, and blocks in various combinations. Then I moved on to kihon ido and kata. It was too bad I didn't have a partner- I would've liked to work ippon kumite, waza, and self-defence as well. But even with only being able to practice half my art, it took me over an hour to get through everything. I was sweating by the end. My mind was pleasantly clear though- mushin, Sensei always called it, no mind.

And then I had something to test. Claiming two barrels, I laid my board across the space between them and placed my hand on top. Fingertips on wood, palm raised. I took a deep breath and concentrated _through_ the board, then snapped my hand down with a flick of my wrist. No significant muscle, a focus break. I couldn't use them in fights yet, but I'd probably need to in the future. Too bad I only had the one board. It was harder than when I'd done it in class, but it still worked. Wood broke under my movement with a tremendous crack. My bandaged hand burned from the impact.

The noise made everyone jump. Luffy fell off the figurehead and splashed into the water; Zoro was over the rail before I could blink, fishing the captain out. Nami and Usopp stared at me for a moment. Then the navigator bounded down from the poop deck to hit me over the head.

"What was that for?! Warn us or something next time! You made me smear my map!"

Oww… Nami hit as hard as Kohai Naomi. Huh, and their names were only one letter apart. Did that count as irony? And with the hit I'd taken from Zoro earlier… My skull throbbed. I rubbed my head, staring at the deck. Naomi was the only girl I knew back home who was close to me in strength, and here we had one of the weakest members of the crew matching her easily. Oh yeah, I had a long way to go.

"Sorry… I didn't expect it to be so loud."

Nami sighed and rubbed her temples. "What was the point in that anyway? Now we can't use that wood."

"Actually," Usopp supplied, "It was too short for us to use in the first place. That's why I was fine with Jones taking it."

"Training. The point is training." A part of my mind wondered if Nami ever painted her nails, since she wore sandals all the time. I traced the grain on part of the deck with my foot. "I'm used to fighting where I come from, but things are different here. I have to catch up."

Nami opened her mouth, paused, then closed it again. Probably remembering the fights she'd seen Zoro and Luffy get into already, and what kind of level those were on. Impulsively, I reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her away from Usopp so he couldn't hear. The contact made both of us uncomfortable, so I dropped it quickly and kept my voice low.

"You- you don't have to worry Nami. In the story… If you let them help, they can. Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Sanji… They can beat Arlong and his officers. They can free you."

Fear. Nami stared at me in horror, light brown eyes going even paler. As with Luffy's star eyes… How did that _work_? Trembling, the navigator took a step away from me before she realized that moving too far would allow everyone else to hear what we were saying. "You… I'd ask how you know, but you'd just cite your story about a comic book. How- do you know everything?"

"Not everything. A lot though. I know the events of people's pasts that shaped them most. I know a big chunk of our route. I know most of our allies and enemies for probably the next three or four-ish years- depends on travel time and how you count it- and how each of the fights will turn out if I don't interfere. And I know Luffy _will_ become king of the pirates." Smiling, I glanced up at the flag. "That last one isn't from the story- it wasn't over yet. But if anyone can do it, it's him. Sorry… I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just thought knowing might help."

Nami looked away, producing the odd effect of two people both trying to avoid each other's gaze. "I- I want to believe you, but I can't. Maybe… If things turn out like you say, then we'll see. Until then… Please, just leave me alone."

"Okay. Sorry." The navigator took off, back to her maps. I didn't push- while I hadn't been through anything near as bad as what Arlong put Nami through, I was familiar with the feeling of wanting to get away from strangers who knew things that were supposed to be secret. And _being_ the stranger with that knowledge wasn't pleasant either. It made me feel guilty and unclean. I retreated to the gun deck, rubbing my hands together to try and get rid of the feeling.

A distraction appeared before too long, thankfully. Grey and jagged, a rock on the horizon. I could barely see it through the gun hatch. To everyone else it was probably just an obstacle to be noted, but I remembered that rock. Plot significance. But why had Usopp shot it? Umm… Right, he and Luffy been practicing with the cannon, figuring out how it worked. So why weren't they now? The sniper was up on deck doing something with one of the lines instead, and the captain was perched atop the mainsail, singing under his breath as he tied something in a knot. Was it because I was hiding on the gun deck and they didn't want to make me uncomfortable? Tabarnak.

Since apparently me even just _standing in the wrong place_ could change things, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Don't get me wrong- when I said "screw the butterfly effect," I meant it. But that didn't mean I wanted potential allies like Johnny and Yosaku to die- and their own stupidity would certainly kill them if they weren't rescued. Honestly, you'd think that in a world made of oceans and pirates, scurvy would be as well studied as pressure points in martial arts.

Everything I knew about loading a cannon came from old pirate movies, so it was slow going. The cannonball wasn't any heavier than a normal shot put ball from my world; whatever was different about biology and physics here, the basic elements seemed about the same. Come to think of it, if they weren't I probably would have died from the air not containing oxygen or something. Oh well, moot point. Eight pounds of iron was still eight pounds of iron. But it took me a little while to figure out how to actually get eight pounds of iron- plus gunpowder- into the cannon, as the process was rarely shown clearly in movies. By the time I'd managed, my bandages were black with dust.

And aiming? Don't make me laugh. My glasses were a centimeter thick; when I'd gone to summer camp as a child, I'd managed to shoot a bow and arrow _ninety degrees to the right_ of where I was going for. I didn't expect to hit the rock, or even come anywhere near it.

The air exploded after I lit the cannon. My ears rang; I jumped backwards and stumbled over a coil of rope. Right, standing next to a big gun without hearing protection was a bad idea. I couldn't hear anything but the ringing. I saw the cannonball when it splashed down though, well to the left of the rock. Damn, not close enough. I didn't want to _hit_ Johnny and Yosaku, but I did need them to think they were under attack so Johnny would come after the _Merry_ and we could pick up the well-meaning but incompetent swordsmen.

So despite the poor idea, I loaded the cannon again. What can I say? Wisdom is my dump stat. The barrel was still hot; I was lucky that my powder-blackened bandages didn't light on fire. Or worse, that the cannon didn't go off prematurely while I was reloading. Not that I knew if that was even possible, but it seemed likely. The air exploded again; my ears intensified their ringing. But at least this time I kept me footing.

I still missed the rock, but this time the cannonball splashed down much closer, sending a wave washing over the craggy ridges. Good. Johnny and Yosaku should be fully soaked and angry now. I raced up on deck to see what happened next.

With my ears still ringing, I didn't hear Usopp come up behind me- which led to my spinning and punching him in the chest when he tapped me on the shoulder. This was slightly more effective than punching Zoro; the sniper actually staggered back and winced, rubbing his chest and taking a couple deep breaths to steady himself. Still, compared to what would've happened if I'd punched an Usopp-equivalent in my world… Yeah, no.

"Sorry." I couldn't actually hear my own voice, nor could I hear what Usopp said in reply. Trying to read his lips didn't work too well either. I'm pretty sure he wasn't trying to tell me that he was fishing for slippers.

"Can't hear you." It's possible that I was shouting at him, given the look on Usopp's face. I shook my head and rubbed my ears, hoping the ringing would go away. It did- slowly. The sniper waited politely until I indicated that I could hear again.

"What were you doing?" he demanded with much waving of arms. Yes, that made more sense than fishing for slippers. I wiped my hands on my pants in a futile attempt to get the gunpowder off.

"We have a cannon. I never really saw it used in the comics, so I wanted to know if it even worked."

"Yeah, okay, but shooting things is my job! I'm the sniper!"

"Gunner," I said quietly. "I know sniper is your fighting style, and you're good at it, but the proper term for the officer in charge of cannons and long-range combat on a pirate ship is the gunner, or master gunner. Not that the Straw Hats ever used proper officer titles…" There were too few of them for that to be viable, after all.

"Huh?" Usopp stopped waving his arms. "Master gunner? Heh, I like it. Do you think we can convince Luffy to call me that?"

"We'd have to convince him to use all the other usual officer titles too. Not sure if it'd work with him; he's not much for command hierarchy, from what I saw."

"You never know." Usopp immediately thought better of his words. "Wait… You _do_ know, don't you?"

I shrugged. "Something that happens could always change his mind. I've already figured out that I make things different just by being here."

Something splashed below us- probably Johnny coming out of the water and climbing the hull of the _Merry_. How _did_ he climb up, anyway? We didn't have any ladders or nets or anything hanging down, nor could I remember seeing any in the comic. I got my answer when the bounty hunter emerged onto the deck, dripping wet. He'd used his sword; there were nicks in the _Going Merry_ 's hull from where the blade had dug in. So the damage had started this early…

Seeing my bandages covered in gunpowder and Usopp standing beside me, Johnny charged us with a yell. "You bastards! You killed my friend!"

Since I was pretty sure Yosaku was still alive, I felt no guilt about what I did when Johnny came close enough. He wasn't nearly as skilled as Zoro; I was left with a large opening. When Usopp shrieked and jumped back, I stepped in, driving my left knee into the blue-clad bounty hunter's groin. He may have been a citizen of a world of badass, but Johnny still dropped when I assaulted his family jewels. Zoro emerged from the head just in time to see the bounty hunter fall to his knees.

"Johnny? What're you doing here? Where's Yosaku?"

"Big Bro?" Johnny groaned. He recovered quickly though, standing up and edging away from me. "Did these pirates capture you?"

Zoro snorted. "As if Jones and Usopp could manage something like that."

"Really?" Johhny looked at us with confusion. "But… They killed Yosaku. They're the ones who shot our rock."

"What were you doing on a rock?"

Johnny hung his head. "Yosaku was sick. Wounds he got days ago were still bleeding, he couldn't eat, he was turning grey… Although I guess he's not suffering anymore."

Idiot. I hadn't even hit the rock, which Usopp _had_ in the story. Yosaku was wet and might get a fever, but it was still the scurvy he had to worry about. I ran to the whipstaff and yanked, bringing the _Merry_ around. Usopp yelled and chased after me, hitting me on the head. Not quite as hard as Nami, but with everything still hurting from earlier… Ow.

"What're you doing?!" Usopp tried to grab the whipstaff from me. I shook my head.

"The guy Zoro and Johnny are talking about- Yosaku- he's still alive. I didn't hit the rock at all. Yosaku's pretty sick though, so we need to go get him." I was surprised how quickly I was becoming comfortable with the Straw Hats. Normally I'd never have pulled this with a group I'd only known for a day. Hell, I almost never _spoke_ to people I'd known for less than a week. Was it because I'd read so much about them?

"Oh…" Usopp ran off to adjust the sails so we'd make better time to the rock. Not that it would've taken long to get there anyways; we were less than a kilometer away. A few minutes later, we'd dropped anchor and it was time to pick up Yosaku.

Zoro hauled the sick bounty hunter aboard. I immediately set about squeezing some lemons for juice- until Luffy saw that I was in the galley. The captain came charging in with an exaggerated look of panic on his face. "Jones! No! You're not allowed to cook! Captain's orders!"

I flinched. "Sorry Captain. But I'm not cooking; just getting some juice. Yosaku has scurvy- the lemon juice will help him feel better."

"Oh. Okay. As long as you're not cooking." Luffy picked his nose, which made a curious rubbery noise up close. Weird, but to be expected I guess. He stuck around and watched me to make sure I was only getting juice though. That hurt. I'd screwed up _one time_ ; how does that get me a lifetime ban from cooking?

Johnny was reluctant to let me approach Yosaku at first. Fair enough; I'd fired on their temporary refuge. But Zoro held the blue bounty hunter back so I could tend to his green friend. Though she was still keeping her distance from me, I saw Nami give me a look of approval. She was probably glad to know she wasn't the only one there aware of the dangers of life at sea.

Or some of them at least.

In the comic, Yosaku had jumped up immediately after being given juice and told that it would help. In reality, he groaned and rolled over. But colour was coming back to his face quickly, so he'd probably be up and about in half an hour or so. Luffy, Zoro, and Usopp applauded; Nami sighed and shook her head.

"Really… Setting sail without knowing how to prevent scurvy…"

"What's scurvy?" Luffy cocked his head to one side. It made him look like my aunt's corgi puppy.

"It's a disease you can get if you don't eat enough fruits and vegetables." Okay, that was fudging things a bit- and simplifying them too- but this was Luffy.

"So… We need a good cook so we don't get sick?"

Bless the captain's ability to understand anything if explained using food. "Yes."

Johnny no longer looked outright hostile, though he was still suspicious. "If you need a cook, there's a floating restaurant not far from here."

And then Yosaku sat up. Wow, even quicker than I thought- although he wasn't jumping around or anything yet. That certainly improved Johnny's disposition. Coughing, Yosaku nodded. His hitai-ate was crooked- how did it even stay on? It didn't look like it was tied, and he had no ponytail or anime hair spikes to hold it on. Maybe the things coming down around his jaw helped?

"We were there a couple days ago; heard that the man Big Bro Zoro's looking for was there, but we didn't see him."

Because he wasn't there yet; the rumours had been about someone else. If I remembered correctly, Johnny and Yosaku had mixed up someone named Redeye with Hawk Eyes Mihawk. But since the world's greatest swordsman would show up while we were there, there was no point raining on Zoro's parade. And parading he was, with an eager smirk that was actually kind of creepy. Especially since I was used to serious, stoic Zoro from later in the story.

I really needed to stop comparing everything to the comics. It wouldn't be good for my ability to improvise.

Getting to the _Baratie_ took us two days- during which time I didn't become a competent sailor, but I did at least learn how to tie a decent bowline on a bight. Sailing knots were actually easier than the jewellery knots I was used to- I'd like to see Usopp tie a Guinevere knot. My hands were still in poor condition though, cracking and bleeding at the joints when I moved too much, and with a strange dry, glassy hardness to them. I'd seen it before- the same thing happened to my feet a couple times when I had blisters that burst. Judging by past experience, the new skin would take a week or two to regain a normal texture.

As well as sailing practice, I continued to train. As much as I could anyway; I still needed more boards to practice focus breaks, and a decent punching target of some sort- a sandbag or a piece of wood with cord wrapped around it. Zoro didn't offer to spar with me again. Probably because I wasn't enough of a challenge. I did manage to get a different sparring partner who was, sadly, more my speed. And I was so used to thinking of him as incompetent too…

"Whatcha doin' Sis?" Johnny and Yosaku were watching me while I did kata- mostly because no one trusted them to help sail the _Merry_. And when even Zoro tells you not to let them touch anything outside of an emergency, you know it's bad.

"Training. I'm a karate-ka." Conversation paused as I went through a sequence of jumps that ended with a kiai. "My katas help me practice techniques in different combinations outside a fight."

Johnny stood up, hand on the hilt of his sword. "Isn't it better to actually fight though Sis? You can't get experience without an opponent."

My pride as a martial artist took some level of offense at that, although I also knew he was right; the only way to learn how to win fights was- in the end- to win fights. "I guess. But practicing kata and basics is important too. They build muscle memory."

One blue-clad arm slung over my shoulders; I flinched and pulled away. Johnny sighed. "Look Sis, with Yosaku still not feeling the greatest, I'm out a sparring partner too. Why not go a couple rounds?"

They'd always fought off-screen in in the comics, so I had no idea what to expect when my traitor mouth agreed. Well, except for the blades. Johnny's dadao was slightly longer and heavier than Zoro's katana, giving him a greater ma-ai- sorry, attacking distance. Probably less control though, since he was nowhere near as strong. Either way, I still wanted to be inside his reach.

Where sparring with Zoro had been a waiting game of "when is he gonna kick my ass?", sparring with Johnny was an unexpectedly pleasant challenge. And that hurt. In the manga, he was portrayed as incompetent and a bit of a coward; that wasn't where I wanted to fall. When Johnny moved in, rather than barely getting out of the way, I had time to avoid the blade while still keeping close. I drove my knee into his chest and was pleased when the bounty hunter stumbled a little.

The flat of a blade smacked me in the ribs; I retaliated with a palm strike to Johnny's tattooed temple. Another strike came in, the back of the blade this time. Johnny was more cautious about hurting me than Zoro was for some reason. This time I blocked; normally I wouldn't do that against a sword, but I figured the back would be safe. It certainly took Johnny by surprise. Especially when I immediately punched him in the stomach after.

Sparring with the bounty hunter lasted a lot longer than sparring with Zoro too; unlike my crew mate, Johnny was actually working on his own skills rather than trying to asses mine. We kept it up for almost two hours without either of us really getting the upper hand. Eventually we had to stop, not because anyone won, but because we'd arrived at our destination.

More or less, at least. The _Going Merry_ had yet to dock with the _Baratie_ , because as we made our approach, a massive marine vessel got in our way. Right, him. I examined the ship as I tried to decide what to do about Fullbody- and Gin. Ghin? Huh. According to canon the first spelling was correct, but as an English speaker the second felt better. Maybe I should ask him which he preferred. Either way, the ship beside us was a man o'war, third class- by which I mean it had seventy-four guns to our one and was at least twice the size of the _Merry_.

I edged over to Luffy as I heard Fullbody's angry voice- not that I knew what the marine was saying, but he was loud. I bit my lip and hesitated; I wasn't sure how my captain would take this. But Gin/Ghin was a character who hadn't gotten nearly enough screen time, and who could be a useful ally in the future. "Luffy… Theoretically, how long could you distract the marines?"

Cocking his head to the side, the captain frowned. "Theo-what?"

"Um… How long can you make the marines focus on you so I can do mystery stuff?"

"Oh. I dunno, probably a long time. Why?"

"Because there's someone in there who might be our friend." _Might_. I gestured to the man o'war. "He's a prisoner right now; I want to see if I can free him." Gin/Ghin liked Sanji because the cook was the first person to be nice to him in a long time. So if our crew helped him, he'd like us. Probably. He'd still be loyal to Don Krieg during the fight, but once we won…

Luffy nodded and smiled. "Okay Jones, go get your friend. Me'n Zoro'll buy you as long as we can."

Trotting back towards the stern of the ship, I looked up. The Marines had two gun decks- one low enough to hit our gun deck and storage hold, and one about a meter above our rails. Luckily our ships were only a couple meters apart; how that had happened, I had no clue. We were actually so close together that I doubted the marines would be able to shoot the _Merry_ the way they had in the comic- unless they were willing to risk backfire from debris. I still had total confidence that Luffy would somehow manage to damage the _Baratie_ though. This was _Luffy_ we were talking about.

I started at a bit of a run, using our rail as a step when I jumped off. By the time I'd crossed the distance between the two ships, I'd fallen enough that my hands were at the perfect level to grab the lower edge of the gun port I'd aimed for. My worn sneakers didn't provide the best grip on damp wood, but I was able to push my self up enough for my arms to flex rather than just hang, pulling myself up and in. Just like climbing Sorrow back home- except Sorrow didn't have a drop into the ocean below and was an open wall rather than a gun port barely wider than my shoulders. I also didn't usually hit my head on a cannon when I hauled myself up back home.

"Merde!" I rubbed my head as I squirmed over and around the steel barrel and into the ship. My poor skull was taking a beating since coming to this world. Oh well, at least I had a hard head. Unless my mother meant that in reference to my stubbornness…

It was dark inside the man o'war, and there weren't many marines around. I could hear muffled yelling through the hull; Luffy was making good on his promise of a distraction. And for things to be this clear, it must've been some distraction. There were actually too _few_ marines around; I needed at least one to help me find the brig.

Breathing light, moving slow, I slipped between the shadows and tried to keep cannon, coils of rope, and crates of ammunition between me and any hatchways or major passages. It was relatively easy; there were a lot of shadows. This occasionally led to me tripping over things, but… well, if a Canadian spews sacres and there's no one around to hear, did they actually make a sound? Eh, maybe. Especially since eventually there was one guy around to hear me, by a ladder that ran up and down the mizzen mast. He turned and aimed his musket at me; unfortunately for him, I was a lot closer than he thought I was.

Grabbing the barrel of the musket, I jammed it back into the marine's solar plexus. I doubted that would keep him down for long though. So out came my Swiss Army Knife, blade pressing against the side of his neck. My right side, his left. The marine froze. I grabbed his right shoulder as well, stabbing my thumb into a pressure point that weakens the arm and can make your opponent drop their weapon.

"Make a sound and it'll be the last thing you ever do." That was probably I lie. I could feel my voice shaking as I delivered the ultimatum. I'd never cut someone other than myself with a knife before, and I doubted I could make myself kill in cold blood- aside from a certain character or two. And even if I could, what if reinforcements came? They'd gun me down. But my captive didn't know that. And judging by the smell that arose, my bluff was successful. That, or he had some sort of illness that messed with his control of his bowels.

Taking his need for brown pants as a yes- and seriously, why did marines wear white when the fact that they were fighters was a near guarantee that their uniforms would get soiled or covered in blood at some point?- I let loose with what I hoped was a feral pirate grin. Although knowing my face, it probably just made me look crazy. Eh, close enough. "Show me to the brig; I want to see that Krieg pirate you captured."

The marine squeaked agreeably, leading me down a couple decks until we were more or less in the bilge. Keeping him at knife point through this was hard. He actually got away from me for a second at the bottom of the ladder- by which I mean he was on the floor and I was still climbing. So I dropped off the ladder and landed on his shoulders. This time I pointed my knife at his eye, as much as the thought of stabbing someone there grossed me out.

"Don't try that again." I climbed off the fallen marine and allowed him to stand.

"Yes ma'am! I mean, no ma'am! I mean-!"

"Oh, shut it."

The marine led me to the stern of the bilge, where a few cells side by side made the brig. Not exactly what I'd been expecting, but maybe _One Piece_ ships were laid out differently than _Disney_ ones. That, or one or both of the above was different to how ships during Earth's age of piracy had actually been built. Irrelevant. As soon as I could see the brig cells, I needed to knock my helpful marine out so I'd have my hands free to work without worrying about him calling for help. A good chokehold did the trick, coming up behind the marine and squeezing until I'd interrupted oxygen and blood flow to his brain. I then dragged the marine to an empty, open cell and shut him in.

Only one other cell was occupied, by a too-thin man whose face somehow resembled a Great Dane. Dark, sunken eyes, slumped shoulders, a dirty grey and blue headband pulled down over his eyebrows. His hair was greasier than it had looked in animation, but that was to be expected when he'd been imprisoned for… actually, I couldn't remember if the manga had said how long Gin/Ghin was held by the marines. The scruffy goatee and sad excuse for a mustache were probably products of his imprisonment too; I doubted the marines would let a pirate have a blade, even if only to shave.

I wanted to say something witty and cool, something involving his full title so he'd be impressed and freaked out by my strange knowledge. My brain refused to come up with anything though. Instead, I stared at the Krieg Armada Combat Commander for a few minutes in silence. He didn't break it either, apparently content to stare at me too until I said or did something.

"Is it spelled G-I-N or G-H-I-N?" I asked finally, my voice shaking. He continued staring at me, with more confusion now.

"What?"

"Your name- how is it spelled? I can't figure it out and it's bothering me."

"You snuck into a marine ship to ask how to spell my name?" Gin/Ghin stared at me in disbelief. I shook my head.

"Not just for that. But I need to know what I should call you in my head. So… When you write your name, do you do it with or without an H?"

He shrugged. "I don't write. Spell it however you like."

"Oh." I hadn't taken the possibility of his being illiterate into account. Well, Ghin it was then- because if I didn't use an H, I would eventually call him gin and that would just make things awkward.

I began looking around for keys. It was difficult with the low light levels, and the reek of the bilge was distracting and made my eyes water. It took Ghin a minute to figure out what I was doing; when he did, he cleared his throat loudly.

"If you're looking for the keys, you won't find them down here. The lieutenant keeps them on him all the time."

Should have expected that. Oh well. I shrugged. There was more than one way to open a door. Moving close and squinting in the poor light, I examined the hinges. Simple and old-fashioned, by my standards; the door was attached to the top half of a tube, the bottom half of the tube was bolted to the wall, and the whole thing was held together by a pin with a broad head. The pins were wedged in tight, but other than that… With appropriate leverage, I could probably have just lifted and pried the door up and off. Of course, the marines knew this and there was nothing in the brig area that I could use to get the needed leverage. And I didn't want to go exploring the ship to look for things.

Unlike the door though, the pins weren't massively heavy. Ghin watched in silence as I wiggled the blade of my Swiss Army Knife in under the head of one pin and twisted. The pin rose slightly, just enough for me to get my fingers on it and pull the pin out. There was a nasty squeaking noise as I did so, not loud, but painful. The marines obviously hadn't oiled these hinges in a while. I repeated the procedure on the second pin.

"What are you doing?" Ghin asked. In lieu of answering, I swung the door open using its lock as the hinge. Just like in one of my mom's favourite movies. The pirate inside gaped. "That- where did you learn that? It's amazing."

"Yes, I will go down in history as the woman who opened a door." Wow, it sounded a lot snarkier when I said it than when Da Vinci did. My heart pounded as I paused to listen, but I heard nothing. Whether that was because Luffy was still distracting the marines or not, I couldn't tell. "We should go now."

"Not arguing with that." Ghin followed as I led him to the ladder I'd come down and up to the top gun deck. He was a little unsteady on his feet, but only needed to lean on me once- when the whole ship shook from what sounded like a cannon shot. We both immediately froze, crouching down behind a crate of cannonballs. A few marines ran past seconds later, but none of them stopped to look around. We remained unseen.

"Merde, that was close." I led Ghin back to the gun port I'd come in by, then stopped. There was one part of this escape that I really hadn't thought through: how were we going to get back to the _Merry_? Or rather, how was Ghin? I could make it; if I jumped down at the right angle I could grab the rails and climb over easy. But the jump was from an awkward position- crouched in a gun port- and he was weakened by lack of food. Not to mention that we had very different training backgrounds.

Then I remembered that as far as this world was concerned, I was what was expected of an average person. Ghin, on the other hand, was capable of going toe-to-toe with Sanji. If he had to do it, he'd manage.

"Do exactly what I do as soon as I'm out of the way."

My companion nodded. I slithered forwards over and around the barrel of the cannon, until I was crouching on a narrow lip of wood with iron pressed against the back of my head. Not comfortable at all. From there it was actually more of a tumble than a jump, pushing out more than up. My hands closed over the rail of the _Going Merry_ an instant later, while my body slammed into the hull. I coughed, hanging for a moment to get my wind back. Then my feet scrabbled for purchase on damp wood until I could push and pull myself up. Seconds later, Ghin repeated the feat- although without the coughing.

Luffy bounced over, waving. "Hi Jones' friend! You're just in time! They just tried to shoot us! Usopp said that if they'd hit, the debris or something would've sunk them too. I dunno what that means. But they didn't hit us cause I bounced the cannonball away! It hit the restaurant though…"

Of course it did. I wanted to hit the captain for his carefree attitude towards this, like Nami would have, but… I only did that with a couple of my best friends. Not comfortable enough to do that with Luffy yet. Instead, I sighed and looked over at the hole in the roof of the _Baratie_. "This… let me handle this Captain."

"Okay!"

"And Ghin… There's still some lemon juice in the fridge. You should go have a drink; we can get you food in a few minutes."

The older pirate nodded and headed to the- well, I assume he meant to head for the galley, but it looked more like he was on his way to the head. Luckily Usopp was nearby and able to correct him. Those of us who weren't suffering from starvation brought the _Merry_ in to dock well away from Fullbody's man o'war.

When we walked into the restaurant, we were immediately met by a squad of angry chefs. Neither Zeff nor Sanji was there- the former was upstairs in his room, the latter in the kitchen. Of course, Patty immediately led us upstairs where Zeff was, so location was a moot point. Also… I found the sight of a man with Popeye forearms in real life very disturbing. What kind of exercise did he do for that to happen? I decided it was best not to think about it. If I did, my brain would melt down on trying to figure out how Patty's arms even managed to work.

Upon entering Zeff's room, my throat went dry. Tabarnak, I'd forgotten one of the biggest triggers for my anxiety- unfamiliar authority figures. Luffy didn't count, despite being my captain; he was younger than me and a giant goofball. But someone like Zeff- a pirate captain/restaurant owner/parent who was several decades older than me and reminded me of my last boss? Terrifying.

"Which one of you shitty brats is responsible for this?" Yep, you could definitely tell where Sanji got his social skills from. Hell, even the hair… Zeff's was a few shades lighter and shot with grey, but close enough. Sanji would probably rather be related to him than Judge anyway.

I raised my hand, eyes fixed on the splintered stump of Zeff's peg leg, not trusting myself to speak. My crew mates, the bounty hunters, and Ghin all stared at me. I could feel them wondering why I'd take the blame for what Luffy had done. It was simple really; even though I knew we'd be out of here in a few days after Krieg attacked, we'd part on much better terms with Zeff if _I_ worked for him instead of Luffy. I wouldn't eat or break everything, and I'd worked in restaurants before.

A braided mustache twitched. Why did Zeff even style it that way; didn't braiding it hurt? "You sure? You're not covering for anyone- say the brat with the gardening hat and the dumb face?"

Not knowing if Zeff had actually seen where the cannonball came from, I shook my head. A second later I finally found my voice, though it came out very quiet. "No. It was me."

Zeff grunted. "Then you'd best be prepared to pay damages. By my calculations, you'll be working for me for the next year."

Beside me, Luffy squawked in protest. "A year? You can't have Jones for a year! We need to go to the Grand Line! Staying here for that long is boring!"

"Don't insult my restaurant Brat!" Zeff whacked Luffy over the head with the broken off piece of his peg leg.

I reached out as if to grab my captain's shoulder, fingers barely brushing cloth before I let my arm drop, unable to bring myself to touch him. "Luffy, it's okay. Just trust me. And if what I think is coming doesn't happen, just go on without me."

Dark eyes shot me a considering look. "Jones… Are you _sure_ something's gonna happen?"

"Yeah. Ghin's proof."

"Okay then." Luffy nodded and motioned to everyone else. "Come on guys. Let's go get lunch while Jones figures stuff out. You too Ghin."

The crew left. Alone with Zeff, I wanted to sink into the floor and hide. No such luck. The old chef fixed me with an appraising stare. "So… Miss Jones. What makes you think something's coming that will get you out of working here?"

"I- I'd rather not share that with anyone outside my crew." The wood of the _Baratie_ was much darker than that used in the _Merry_. Zeff sighed in frustration at my continued inability to meet his eyes.

"Fine. I respect your loyalty at least. Now go get changed; there should be an extra uniform in the break room."

It took ten minutes and Carne noticing I looked lost for me to get to the break room, and another five to find the uniform. There were actually two uniforms there- one male, one female, both in a size that would more or less fit me. No question; I wore the men's uniform. I was _not_ putting a skirt on. Although I couldn't figure out how to tie the tie. It would be fine undone though; I was acting as a waitress and busboy- bus girl?- so it wasn't about to fall in a pot of soup or anything.

When I emerged into the dining room, it was just in time to see Fullbody start shrieking at our crew. That should've been surprising, except I'd liberated Ghin- who was sitting between Luffy and Zoro and trying to be as invisible as possible. Why Fullbody hadn't already called in more marines to re-arrest the Krieg pirate was beyond me. Maybe he was trying to impress his girlfriend by doing it himself? Or had most of his crew gotten banned from the restaurant, and were staying away for fear of Zeff and Sanji?

"-And once Magellan's done with you, I'll have Admiral Akainu feed all of you to a rabid sea king!"

Oh, there was so much wrong with that sentence. Fullbody couldn't command either Magellan _or_ Akainu. And I was pretty sure sea kings couldn't catch rabies. I froze, not sure what to do. It was so tempting to just kick the man, but was I allowed? Judging by the comics I'd have said that controlling unruly customers was required, but no one had told me anything. Luckily Sanji interfered while delivering a plate of pasta to another table. A black dress shoe slammed into Fullbody's side, knocking him flying.

"If you're not here to eat, get out of the way so our new waitress can take people's orders!"

It was like looking at a younger version of my dad- maybe around when my parents got married, since those pictures were the only time I'd seen him wear a suit. The shaggy blond hair, the short beard, even his voice was similar to my father's. Although I'd never seen anyone in my world whose eyebrows curled up like that. Sanji's spirals were less pronounced than in the comics, but still visible. Tabarnak, the biology student in me was having a field day in this world. How did these things work?

Turning to face me, Sanji smiled. "Sorry about that Miss. Really though, don't let any of the shitheads get in your way. If they're not gonna eat, they deserve the boot."

His words brought an immediate result in the form of indignant shouting from Patty. The Popeye expy threw a rag at Sanji's head from where he was cleaning the bar. "Don't tell her that! We need to be nice to the customers and _not beat them up_ so they come back!"

"And what if they start harassing her like the last waitress we had? No way am I telling her to just stand there and take it! Some shitheads need a good kick in the face to understand how the world works!"

Taking a deep breath, I pasted an unfortunately familiar expression on my face. Fake smile, server's smile. _Don't let them in; don't let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal- don't feel. Put on a show. Make one wrong move and everyone will know_. "It- it's fine. I've done this before; I can handle it."

Surprised, Sanji stepped out of my way. I went over to my friends to take their orders. While Luffy loudly debated what he wanted, Ghin looked around in a daze. Of course. He was surprised that someone he'd never met would rescue him, and that we'd be willing to pay for his meal. Or, well… Everyone except Nami was willing. The navigator was on edge- she'd probably seen Arlong in Johnny and Yosaku's collection of bounty posters. And even if she hadn't, she was still trying to gather money to buy her island; she wouldn't appreciate spending any extra money, even on food.

Yosaku looked at me with confusion while I was writing everyone's orders down. "Why didn't you wear the girl's uniform Sis?"

"I don't like skirts. They're uncomfortable. Nor do I look good in them, if you're asking because you wanted to see."

Instinctively ducking away from Nami, the bounty hunter shook his head. Not that the navigator even tried to hit him; she was too busy reading something under the table. Now I was _sure_ \- she'd seen Arlong's poster, and probably taken it too. I scribbled a note for her and dropped it into her lap as I took everyone's menus. Nami may not like me, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to try and help her.

 _In about three days the restaurant will be attacked. Take the_ Merry _then and deal with things at home; we'll join you there. Luffy can help, I promise._

Light brown eyes scowled at me as I left the table. I shrugged and headed back to the kitchen. My fake smile hid my fear. I was only trying to help, but what if my nosiness prompted Nami to do something that alienated the crew? Then I shook my head. That was impossible. Last I'd seen of the manga, Sanji had insulted everything the crew stood for and kicked Luffy until he was black and blue, and the captain was more determined than ever to bring him back.

That was another thing that wouldn't be happening if I could help it.

After getting orders from a couple other freshly-seated tables, I trotted back to the kitchen and gave the papers to Sanji and Carne. The latter just nodded; the former stepped away from the pot he was stirring and grabbed my tie before I could step away. I stomped on his foot as soon as he touched me. Sanji ignored this and proceeded to tie my tie, huffing gently.

"Miss Jones, if you're going to wear the men's uniform, you should at least do it properly. What if the ends got into the food you're delivering?"

"Sorry… I don't know how. I've never worn a tie before."

"Then I'll teach you." Sanji smiled. "Tonight, after closing. You can bring that redheaded angel from your crew along if you're uncomfortable being alone with a strange man." The cook's visible eye shifted into a heart as he swooned over Nami. I stepped back in alarm. Seriously, what kind of messed up biology did this world have?

"O-okay. Thanks." I hoped that my inability to meet his eye didn't come off as me playing coy or anything. Instead I stared at his blue dress shirt- which was the exact same colour as mine. Yay uniforms! At least they weren't white; if something had spilled, that would've been a nightmare. Wine and things _never_ came out of white. Or at least, I'd never found a way to get them out.

For the next little while I was mostly taking orders. When it was eventually time to start delivering, I made sure to arrange my route so I had time to talk to my friends. Which immediately led to suspicious glances from my crew mates and confusion from Ghin and the bounty hunters. Usopp poked his food cautiously.

"You didn't cook any of this, did you Jones?"

"No, just delivered. Sanji made it."

Nami's eyebrows shot up in recognition. "Sanji… You asked if I knew that name when we first found you. He's here?"

"Yeah. Sanji's one of the best cooks in the world, and with a crazy dream to match. He's the one who kicked Fullbody away so I could take your orders. If- if I hadn't rescued Ghin and he'd escaped himself, Sanji would've fed him in secret behind the restaurant after Patty kicked him out." Tabarnak, had I interfered with Sanji's recruitment by liberating Ghin? Seeing Sanji feed the Krieg pirate against orders was part of why Luffy had decided on him as the Straw Hat cook.

Zoro snorted. "The blond? He looks like a pansy."

"He looks like my father." I scowled at the swordsman. He had the good grace to look apologetic- or as apologetic as Zoro could look in any case. Which wasn't very. Honestly? The swordsman probably thought I, and by extension my father, was a pansy too and just didn't want to say it because of the twelve still-healing lines on my arms.

Luffy chewed thoughtfully on a piece of barbeque chicken. "You said Sanji has a big dream. What is it?"

"I thought you didn't want me giving out spoilers or backstory details."

"You already told us what would've happened if you weren't here," my captain pointed out.

Johnny, Yosaku, and Ghin looked horribly confused by that statement. No one bothered to explain anything to them though. Why? Not a clue. I was uncomfortable talking to people outside the crew about being from another world because I didn't want to be called crazy. It had happened enough in my old world, thank you very much. No idea why no one else said anything though. Maybe they didn't want to draw too much attention?

"No. It's best if you hear it from him. I don't wanna turn into Miss Exposition."

My captain frowned. "What's exposition? Can I eat it?"

"No. No you can't."

Over the next three days, I was on my feet until my old summer job looked relaxing. I'd never been the only waitress in a busy restaurant. At least having my friends around helped deal with the occasional perv- most of whom came in the evening and sat around the bar. It was frustrating though; I was used to being able to defend myself, but I wasn't at that point by this world's standards. Especially since working was cutting into my training time. So if I was harassed by an idiot tough enough that I couldn't take them myself yet- an annoyingly frequent occurrence- it was common to see Zoro come up and lean on the bar, fixing whoever had tried to touch me with a feral grin.

"You alright Jones?" I would nod every time, hating those words more and more.

At least I could tie a tie now. Luffy had joined me for that, since Nami refused to stay in the same room as Sanji's heart eyes and flirting. My captain hadn't gotten any backstory out of the cook, but it was only a matter of time. Sanji was already getting used to yelling at Luffy to leave him alone- an important Straw Hat skill- as my captain had taken to following him everywhere. There really wasn't a lot for a group of pirates to do around the _Baratie_ most days.

Ghin had, after a couple meals and a good night's sleep, left to seek out his crew. Luffy had been disappointed by this; he seemed to think that me liberating the Krieg pirate meant Ghin would be our friend right away. I just shook my head at that. If this was _My Little Pony_ instead of _One Piece_ , Ghin would've been a prime candidate for the element of loyalty. Even knowing Krieg like he did, he wouldn't turn on the man until someone gave him a good reason.

In fact, if he _did_ end up joining the crew, I should make Ghin an element of loyalty armband or something. That one was a red lightning bolt, so it was still manly. Plus it would match the dragons on his jacket.

I was cleaning tables after the lunch rush on the third day when I saw a huge shadow through the restaurant windows. Krieg's ship, broken and battered but still huge. Nami's eyes widened; she left while no one else was looking. The last few customers in the _Baratie_ panicked and fled through side doors as Krieg came in the door, leaning heavily on Ghin. I briefly wondered how his threadbare coat and _Saturday Night Live_ shirt were capable of hiding the bulky shapes of his armour, then decided that I was in the world where physics goes to die and shouldn't question such things.

"Please!" Ghin's voice was raspy and desperate. "Please, we need help. We have gold… Our men are starving…"

Patty glared from behind the bar. Merde, this was going to go down just like it did in the manga, wasn't it? "You! No way in Hell! If I'd known you were one of Krieg's I would've kicked you and the Straw Hat brats out the first day!"

Ghin's eyes widened. "No! They didn't know- it's just me."

"As if!" Patty pulled out the weird lobster gun thing he kept behind the bar and aimed it at- Luffy? Well, the cooks had gotten to know him as our captain by now. A cannonball exploded towards the rubber boy.

"Gum-Gum Balloon!" Inflating, my captain deflected the shot- thankfully out an open window. He glared at Patty as he deflated.

"We didn't know! Jones went and got Ghin cause he needed help- that's all!"

Oh, if only he knew… I saw Sanji slip into the kitchen out of the corner of my eye. Wait… Could I-? No. Sanji would kill me if I messed with the food, especially since he didn't know me yet. So, if I couldn't mess with the food, what _could_ I do? Nothing- or at least, nothing that wouldn't result in me getting my ass handed to me with a side of toast. Tabarnak! As soon as I got the chance, I had some serious training to do.

A few minutes later Sanji emerged with a plate of fried rice and some juice. I watched, unable to do anything, as Krieg ate and then was immediately hit by some sort of placebo effect. Seriously, superhuman or not, _no one_ digested quickly enough to recover that fast! Krieg knocked Sanji backwards with a grunt of effort as he stood. He swayed a little, but even that didn't last long.

"Nice ship you've got here! I think I'll take it!"

Several chefs stood up with weapons, Patty and Carne at the fore. Armaments varied, but all looked ridiculous. Most were giant cooking implements- Patty's shrimp-zooka was actually one of the more sensible things. But what they lacked in intimidating equipment, the cooks made up for in heart and a unified front. "No way!"

Krieg's response was to fling off his coat and disco shirt, revealing shining golden armour. I wondered if that was the normal colour of Wootz steel, or if the overconfident pirate had had his armour gold-plated. Distracted as I was, I didn't move fast enough when Krieg flicked out a few guns and fired on the restaurant. Everyone except Luffy hit the floor; bullets just bounced off my captain. A black-clothed leg swung through my knees, tripping me so I fell out of the path of the bullets. Sanji hit the dirt beside me.

"Sorry Miss Jones."

"No, it's okay. Thanks."

The rapid gunfire made my head ache. Luckily it didn't last long. Silence fell over the _Baratie_ as Krieg stopped firing. The only sound was the rhythmic thudding steps of a peg leg approaching. Zeff appeared from the kitchen with a bag of food, which he dropped in front of Krieg. "Here. Take this and feed your men, then get out."

Krieg's eyes narrowed. "You- you're Red Leg Zeff. Years ago, you sailed the Grand Line and were feared around the world. That's it- I'm not just taking this ship, hand over your log book as well."

Zeff's stink eye was a thing to be feared; I was amazed when Krieg managed to take it without shaking. "No."

Snorting, Krieg resembled nothing so much as an angry gorilla. "That wasn't a question old man. I _will_ have that log book. It's the last thing I need to conquer the Grand Line and become king of the pirates!"

"A shitty idiot like you can't even understand the beauty of Paradise," Zeff said quietly, "Let alone conquer the New World."

Dark brown eyes blazed. Luffy stared up at Krieg, a straw-hatted David against a steel Goliath. "You're not gonna be king of the pirates- I am!"

Krieg laughed. "You? A little kid with no weapons and a tiny crew? Go back to your fishing village. I have the best weapons, a huge armada, and still managed to lose most of my ships due to poor information. Pathetic brats like you don't stand a chance."

How dare he call my captain pathetic? I seethed. But I knew I couldn't do anything against Krieg in a head-on attack; he was tough enough to give Luffy a challenge. That didn't stop me from considering what I _could_ do. After all, if Krieg played dirty, why shouldn't we do the same? Except I couldn't think of any weaknesses I could exploit.

Sneering, Krieg hefted the bag of food. "It'll take me a little while to feed my men. You have until then to evacuate this ship and hand over your log Red Leg- or should I say, Peg Leg." The armoured pirate stomped out the door.

Ghin looked around the restaurant sadly before following. "I'm sorry… I didn't know he'd go this far…"

Sanji growled and raced after Krieg and Ghin; everyone else still in the restaurant followed after him. Although in Patty and Carne's case, it was to try and hold Sanji back from doing anything stupid. They weren't all that successful. What _was_ capable of freezing the future Straw Hat cook in his tracks was the sudden destruction of Krieg's ship- not that the galley had been in that good shape to begin with. Torn sails, cracked wood… All of this split apart like a sliced watermelon, accompanied by an eerie whistling noise. That must be what a flying slash sounded like.

Panicked shouts arose from the Krieg pirates as they struggled to grab fragments of wood to keep afloat. Ghin paled; Krieg himself froze. The armada captain's voice was low, so low I wasn't sure anyone else heard him. "Damn. He followed us."

Between the two largest pieces of Krieg's galley appeared a small, low sided boat of a type I couldn't identify. Was it a barge? An oddly shaped dory? What it resembled most was a coffin, especially with the massive cross that was its lone occupant's sword. Mihawk was like a character from a gothic movie, dark and terrifying in a way I'd never imagined from seeing him on a page. And his eyes… There was no question as to where he'd gotten his name. It was like if Antonio Banderas had been given the eyes of a bald eagle and told to play Dracula.

I glanced over at Zoro to see him tying his bandanna on his head. The same feral grin he used to scare away people who harassed me was spread across the swordsman's face.

"Why'd you follow us?" Krieg shouted at Mihawk over the sound of his panicked men. I couldn't tell if he was just putting on a brave front, or if he was really stupid enough to antagonize someone who could slice a ship in half.

Mihawk fixed Krieg with the sort of lazy stare a cat gives you when it can't decide whether it wants to play or just lie in the sun. "I was bored."

While the weapon-happy captain sputtered, Zoro stepped forwards. "How about a duel then, to pass the time?"

Golden eyes scanned over our swordsman, an elegant brow arched in appraisal. "Perhaps… Who are you, though, that you would challenge me? What do you hope to accomplish?"

Johnny and Yosaku squawked indignantly. "You haven't heard of Big Bro Zoro? That's impossible! He's the best swordsman in the East Blue!"

"The weakest of the seas. Until the fish moves from his river to the ocean, his true strength cannot be judged." Mihawk didn't glare at the bounty hunters as he stepped out onto one of the remaining pieces of Krieg's ship, just looked at them. Even that was enough to have the pair quaking in their boots.

Zoro leapt between pieces of flotsam until he was perched on the same chunk of deck as Mihawk. He placed _Wado Ichimonji_ in his mouth and drew his other two katana, still smirking. That smirk vanished when, instead of drawing _Yoru_ , the world's greatest swordsman palmed his cross necklace and unsheathed a small knife. Zoro growled. Mihawk shrugged.

"You wouldn't expect me to hunt rabbits with a cannon, would you?"

"Take this seriously dammit! Oni Giri!" Zoro charged forwards, his blades crossing over as he prepared to cut. Mihawk's block was even more impressive in reality than it had been in the manga; the precision required to stop the edge of a blade with the point of that tiny knife was phenomenal. And the strength… A one-handed block against _all three_ of Zoro's blades, when Zoro himself was monstrously strong…

Of course, I wasn't a swordsman and was more concerned with a different part of the fight. Namely… HOW THE HELL DID ZORO TALK WITH A SWORD IN HIS MOUTH?! I'd tried that before, just to see if it would work- although with one of my sais rather than a katana. Talking with a weapon in your mouth muffled you worse than an actor in a Colgate Total commercial! Plus you couldn't swallow properly, so how was Zoro not drooling everywhere and sliding around in puddles of his own spit?

Steel rang against steel as Zoro tried to press forwards, Mihawk blocking and deflecting with very little effort. Red lines appeared on tanned skin as that tiny knife repeatedly snuck past all three katana. Unlike in the manga, Zoro's shirt tore whenever Mihawk's strikes nicked his chest- well, Oda did say on one of the SBS pages that his main reason for not drawing much clothing damage was that he didn't want to… _distract_ people during the fight scenes.

"Tora Gari!" Zoro flicked his burners up over _Wado_ 's blade before bringing them around and down like the fangs of a hungry tiger. His strike was met by a rapid sweep from Mihawk, the elder swordsman's knife flashing black for a moment as it deflected the two burners. I narrowed my eyes. Haki. That made sense; how else would a small knife not be broken by the weight of the larger blades?

Reversing his grip on one sword, Zoro shifted his stance. His three katanas formed a pinwheel shape as he lined up for his next strike; Mihawk actually paused to let him do so, a curious expression in those golden eyes. Zoro snarled. "Sanzen Sekai!"

I couldn't see what Zoro did with his blades as he stepped forwards- his hands were too fast, and the silver arcs overlapped. What I did see was another flash of black as Mihawk once more swept his Haki-infused knife across. This time though, it wasn't a deflection. Zoro's two burner swords shattered with the combined impact, a horrible screeching sound rending the air. Fragments of steel rained down into the water.

Mihawk stepped inside Zoro's reach, safely away from the remaining katana, and pressed his small knife into Zoro's chest. Blood welled up around the blade, soaking through white cotton and tracing a long, thick line down Zoro's front. The Straw Hat swordsman scowled and hissed, still leaning forwards.

"Retreat," Mihawk ordered coolly. "If you keep pressing forwards like this, my knife may pierce your heart."

"No." Zoro coughed, but still held _Wado_ strong between his teeth. "If I take even a single step back… I made a promise, one I'll never be able to keep if I allow myself to retreat. I could never face Kuina in the afterlife without seeing it through."

"That is the feeling of defeat, little Rabbit." Mihawk pulled his knife back, a thoughtful look on his face. "What kind of promise drives you so? Surely you knew you would lose- any swordsman worth his salt can judge his opponent's strength."

"I could…But I promised I'd become the greatest swordsman in the world or die trying- for both of us."

"Indeed. Well, Rabbit, I admire your dedication, if not your sense. Allow me to end this duel with honour." Putting his knife away, Mihawk reached over his shoulder and drew _Yoru_. The black blade glinted purple in the sunlight. Zoro sheathed _Wado Ichimonji_ and spread his arms, facing his fate with a smile.

Not far from me, Luffy growled. Of course- he thought Mihawk was about to kill Zoro. Usopp was shaking, but had his slingshot loaded. As if that could do anything to the world's greatest swordsman. I considered trying to hold Luffy down, but decided against it. Not only would it likely not work, but he needed to gain Mihawk's respect with his force of personality and loyalty to his crew.

Black steel- or perhaps some stranger metal that I didn't know- arched down with a violet flash. Blood spurted through the air as Zoro was sliced deep, left shoulder to right hip. His white shirt was shredded. The Straw Hat swordsman staggered backwards, collapsing and falling into the water. Johnny immediately dove into the sea to retrieve the body.

Luffy snarled like a beast, eyes blazing as he launched himself across the open space to try and punch Mihawk in the face. The world's greatest swordsman stepped aside, grabbing my captain by the back of his vest before the rubber boy could fall into the water. Golden eyes met dark brown; I felt a spark run through the air. Mihawk shook Luffy like a naughty puppy before putting him down.

"I didn't kill him Straw Hat; it would be a waste. If he's strong, he will survive and learn from this experience."

As if on cue, Johnny burst out of the water and swam back to the _Baratie_ , hauling a shirtless Zoro behind him. Our swordsman was barely conscious. That didn't stop him from drawing _Wado Ichimonji_ again and holding the katana above his head. I held my breath; I was about to see one of the most emotional moments in the East Blue Saga in person. _Thank the gods_ that I hadn't done anything that would prevent this from happening.

"Luffy!" Zoro's voice was hoarse with pain and sea water. I couldn't tell if the tears on his face were from emotion or just excess drops from his soaking. Probably both, actually. "I'm sorry! You must be so embarrassed, so… From this day on, I'll never lose a fight again! Is that alright with you, king of the pirates?!"

A pang shot through me at those words. _Sabaody_. How terrible must Zoro have felt when he failed to protect his crew mates and they were separated- how terrible _would_ he feel? But maybe I wouldn't have to find out. Hopefully…

My captain went from anger at Mihawk to beaming at Zoro in the blink of an eye. "Shishishi! Whatever you say Zoro! Sounds good to me!"

From the scowl on his face, Krieg clearly hated being ignored. But unlike his men, the armada captain showed no hint of fear at Mihawk's presence. In fact, Krieg looked frustrated and cocky. He was either incredibly arrogant, deluded about his own strength, or a very good actor. Or, well, a mix of all three. That seemed most likely to me.

"So then Hawk Eyes, I take it you'll be after _my_ head now?" Krieg readied some weapon or other concealed in his armour as he spoke.

The world's greatest swordsman shot the overconfident pirate a bored look. "Hmm… No, I think not. I've actually had some fun this afternoon; it would be a waste to ruin it by having to spend time in an awful excuse for a bounty office here in the East Blue."

Stepping back into his creepy little coffin boat, Mihawk turned to Zoro one last time. "As for you, Rabbit… Continue on your journey and become stronger. Someday we will meet again- I look forward to seeing my faith in you rewarded." The gothic figure drifted away.

Just before Mihawk was out of sight, Krieg let out a furious roar at being ignored. A hatch opened on his pauldron; the armada commander fired a missile at the swordsman. Mihawk's response was an exasperated look and a flying slash, slicing the missile in half and creating waves that sank much of the remains of Krieg's ship. When the water had calmed, the world's greatest swordsman was gone.

Johnny got to work trying to stitch Zoro's wound. It was a rough job. Yosaku, meanwhile, was in a panic. He practically jumped Luffy when my captain leapt back to the _Baratie_. "Big Bro Luffy! Nami's gone- she took the _Going Merry_! What're we gonna do?"

The rubber boy's eyes hardened. "Nami… Jones, do you know anything?"

I nodded. "She's not betraying us or anything. Nami's in trouble; she went home to try and help her family. It's Cocoyashi Village- I think the island's called Conami, but I'm not sure." Heh, Conami- Konami. DDR.

Luffy nodded. "Alright then. Zoro, Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku… You go after Nami. Help her if you can, buy time if you can't. Jones, Sanji, and I'll get there as fast as we can."

"I'm not part of your shitty crew!" the blond chef protested. "No offense Miss Jones."

"None taken."

It was funny, how even the two bounty hunters obeyed Luffy without question. I wondered if this had something to do with his latent Haoshoku Haki. Whether it did or not, the four were soon on their way, taking a small boat that had been left by a panicked customer when Krieg's arrival prompted their disorganized flight. Although how someone forgot a boat when leaving a floating restaurant, I wasn't sure.

With his men panicked and in the water without a ship, a good captain would've put aside his plans and helped his crew first. Not so Krieg. Enraged and prideful, he roared for the only two of his crew I expected he even knew by name. "Pearl, get up here! Ghin, plan C! We're taking this ship _now_!"

"You are _not_!" Luffy punched Krieg hard enough to send the man flying out over the sea. Krieg landed on what was left of his ship's mainmast. I saw the beginning of the fight- Luffy's next punch being blocked by a spiked cloak- before I realized what this meant.

I was still here rather than on my way to Nami's home. That meant I would have to fight someone- probably either Pearl or Ghin. Merde. I stared, momentarily frozen, as Pearl climbed out of the water. Who should I aim for? Ghin was tougher than Pearl, so logically I should leave him to Sanji. But in the manga, Ghin had been reluctant to fight Sanji because the cook had helped him, so he'd hesitated at key moments and helped him survive the poison gas in the end. That meant _I_ should fight Ghin, as _I_ 'd been the one to help him in this version. And at least he didn't have armour. I wasn't sure I could break through Pearl's, even if I did manage to get a few seconds to use a focus break- I'd never tried metal before, only wood.

Zoro and Sensei were both right; I thought too much. By the time I'd gone over both sides of the argument in my head, Sanji was already fighting Pearl and Ghin was sneaking up behind Zeff with a gun. So I slipped through the crowd of cooks too, coming from the opposite direction. No one saw me, a small uniformed figure amongst so many larger ones. Which meant that when Ghin held his pistol to Zeff's head, he didn't know how close I was.

"Everyone, just shut up an surrender! Otherwise the old man- ah!"

Ghin was cut off by a yelp, my foot whipping up into his hand. He fired reflexively, but by then his pistol was pointed harmlessly at the sky. I moved in instantly; the last thing I wanted was to give the combat commander enough time to grab his tonfa. I'd never been taught how to counter those. A jab to the face, a reverse punch to the solar plexus, a kick to his groin. But Ghin blocked the first two easily and dodged the last. His face was full of surprise and sadness.

"Jones… I'm sorry, I really am. But I have to do this; he's my captain. Just stand down, please- I don't want to hurt you."

"I know. And I know you can beat me easy. But I can't let you take this ship."

Looking pained, Ghin tried again. "Krieg doesn't mean to let anyone here go free, not at this point. But if you surrender to me I can protect you."

Wrong words. I knew I needed protection in this world, at least for now, but I _hated_ it. So I moved in fast again, wondering why Ghin didn't draw his weapons. Not that I wasn't grateful… Then a fist hit me in the stomach and I went flying back. A wooden wall halted my flight, probably leaving a giant bruise along my spine. Okay. Problem solved; Ghin hadn't grabbed his tonfa because he knew he didn't need them. He really _was_ trying not to hurt me, damn him.

One deep breath to get my wind back. Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Not in front of so many people. I could hear Sanji and Luffy fighting in the background, shouting the names of their techniques. A few spears launched by Krieg landed near me; the _Baratie_ shook at the first use of his bomb-on-a-stick. For a moment, all the noise threatened to overwhelm me. I wanted to curl up into a ball and hide in a corner. But I couldn't. A second deep breath to steady my trembling limbs. My vision narrowed as I tuned out all the background noise, just like at a tournament. Nothing else existed; _no one_ else existed, just me and my opponent. Even the pink fire that sprang up when Sanji drew Pearl's blood- it was only important if Ghin or I tried to use it as a weapon.

"TAI!" I made it look like I was aiming for his head, but my real strike hit Ghin's ribcage. He grunted in surprise. It wasn't enough though. I kept hitting, punching over and over… forgetting my feet, my kicks, forgetting even to block. I was just. So. _Angry_. Angry at myself for not being strong enough, angry at Ghin for trying to protect me, angry at whatever had caused me to come to this world when I wanted to die. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer, once I'd tuned out the rest of the world. Ghin saw them.

And he let me hit him. Oh, he blocked or deflected the few punches that might have actually done some damage, but for the most part Ghin just stood there and took it. I pushed him gradually backwards and managed to bruise his face, but other than that? Nothing. And then, when I was tired and beginning to slow, the combat commander hit me again. One solid strike to my solar plexus; I folded and wheezed, draped over his arm. Ghin lay me gently down on the deck.

"Jones… I'm sorry. Why couldn't you have just stood down? I didn't want to hurt you."

"Can't…" I gasped. "Straw Hats… Never…. Give… Up…" It felt like I'd been hit by a train. All my focus was going towards my breathing, trying to calm it so I could get back in the fight. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sanji smash a kick through Pearl's armour, then bring his other foot down on top of the pyromaniac's head. There was a great clang as the cook's opponent fell. At least I'd delayed Ghin long enough that he couldn't interfere in that fight. Hopefully Sanji would be able to take him now.

Ghin's tonfa were out and spinning as he walked towards Sanji. Then a yell went up from the men in the water; they splashed around in panic, pulling out their gas masks. I turned my head to look at Luffy and Krieg. Both were beaten and bloody, although Krieg was in worse shape. The armada captain had just pulled out some sort of missile or bomb- I couldn't see from this angle, nor could I remember what it had been called in the manga. But I knew what it did. Poison gas. Given the average culture and technology levels of the East Blue, probably mustard gas or something similar.

Finally able to control my breathing, I rolled over and yelled at the cooks on deck. "Get inside!"

They didn't listen at first. But when the gas started to spread, there was a stampede for the door. Ghin went to put his mask on before fighting Sanji, only to freeze as his captain spoke. "Don't you dare Ghin!"

"What?"

"You're going soft; I heard what you said to that girl. Well, if you're so eager to protect her, do it in the afterlife."

Paling, Ghin looked ill. He glanced at me, at Krieg… Then tossed his mask to the side. Luffy yelled and punched Krieg into the sea, bounding back towards us across the flotsam. Closer, Sanji let out a snort of outrage.

"You're really gonna do what he says? Protecting a girl's the best thing you can do with your life, _especially_ one who's helped you like Jones has. You shouldn't be punished for it, shitty captain or no."

"But that's it. He's my _captain_." Ghin shook his head. "I- I know he's awful, dishonourable, cruel… But until the day he's no longer my captain, his word is _everything_."

Growling, Sanji grabbed Pearl's gas mask and put it on. The cloud was almost upon us now; the doors and windows of the restaurant locked. Luffy landed beside Ghin and I with a thud. And then I saw the problem. Three people- one gas mask. Because no way on the seven seas was I letting Ghin get poisoned like in canon. He might not survive in reality.

I grabbed the mask Ghin had tossed aside and put it on Luffy. He was priority one. "Don't take that off Captain, whatever you do." Not waiting for an answer, I grabbed Ghin's arm. "Hold your breath," I warned. Krieg's combat commander nodded mutely as I dragged him to the edge of the deck. Two deep breaths, a quick prayer, and I jumped in, dragging Ghin behind me.

The water was icy cold. I almost lost my breath again at the shock. My eyes burned from the salt; I had to keep them open to have some idea where we were going. Ghin was a dead weight in my hand, too stunned and confused to help me. That was… not the greatest. I've never been a particularly skilled swimmer. But I'm stubborn, and even if I was weak by the standards of this new world, I was strong in mine. And Ghin didn't weigh any more than a man of his size from Earth, no matter the differences in biology.

It was hard to see in the shadows under the _Baratie_. I was almost out of breath by the time I found what I was looking for. The weird little fish/boat thing. It hadn't been used in the battle, which I was pretty certain it had been in the manga; I wondered why. But at the same time, it was this difference that was going to save Ghin and I. The fish-mobile floated in the water and had a decent space around it for people getting in and out, but was roughly sealed around the front. Not airtight- the gas would get in eventually- but it would buy us some time to get into the restaurant proper. There had to be a hatch up there somewhere- how else would people get down to the fish?

It was pitch black in the hollow; I couldn't even see my hand right in front of my face. This lead to me bashing my head against the side of the small vessel as I tried to both find a handhold and keep Ghin afloat. Because apparently, I _really_ needed more head trauma. It was my grunt of pain that finally got a reaction from my silent companion.

"I- what are you doing?"

"Saving our asses from mustard gas. Can you keep yourself up?" It would be much easier to climb the slippery vessel if I had both hands free.

"I shouldn't. I disobeyed my captain- that's punishable by death. He was right to order me to die."

"Wasn't much of a captain," I muttered. My hand closed over a damp fin of wood. Finally! I kept myself low to the hull of the fish as I crawled up the side. Even though I couldn't see, I could feel the closeness of the _Baratie_ against my back.

"Oi! Don Krieg is-!"

"A lying, arrogant coward who believes money can buy everything, and that he can use weapons and gadgets to replace hard work and creativity. Don't get me wrong Ghin, I understand the importance of loyalty, but you should only give your loyalty to someone who deserves it. A good captain cares for his crew, helps them, and sees them like family."

Finally on top of the fish, I began feeling around on the wood above me. It was slow going; I couldn't listen for hollow noises because the whole restaurant was hollow, so I had to try and feel out the seams at the edges of the hatch. Not an easy task with hands still shiny and hard from healing. I could barely feel a thing. I could, however, _hear_. So I knew from the splash and dragging noises that Ghin, despite his protests of loyalty to Krieg, was climbing the fish.

"Like Straw Hat?"

"Yeah, like Luffy." I smiled, knowing it wouldn't be seen. "He's… not your average captain, but he's one of the best."

Finally, I felt them. Tiny seams in the wood, so faint that I wasn't sure they were there. I banged on the hatch as loud as I could. Seconds later it was flung open. I squinted in the sudden light, unable to stop the hiss that escaped me. Ghin was in the same boat. We both glared up at Carne, who had the decency to look sheepish as he helped me into the _Baratie_ proper. However, the cook wasn't so keen on my companion.

"Why's _he_ here?" Carne pointed at Ghin, returning the Krieg pirate's glare. I shook my head and helped Ghin climb up.

"He's not like his captain; he's good. Just let him stay in here til the gas is gone. It should only take about fifteen minutes or so."

"But-!"

"Leave it Carne." Zeff stomped over, shutting the lesser chef up. Blue eyes fixed me with a knowing look. "Miss Jones… I notice you didn't say _you_ 're staying inside."

I ran to the kitchen, my mind already on other things as I pulled cleaning supplies from under the sink. "My captain's still out there, and so's Sanji. They have gas masks, but Krieg's still there too. I don't think he's drowned, armour or not. I have to help."

At the Somme- or was it Passchendaele? I never could keep those two separate in my head- the ground troops that had first encountered German mustard gas had countered it by urinating on there handkerchiefs and covering their faces. I wasn't about to do that, but I was pretty sure an ammonia-based window cleaner would have the same effect. And if not… Well, it would be too late then. So I soaked my bandanna in the _One Piece_ equivalent of Windex and tied it over my nose and mouth.

"Anyone have any safety goggles? You know, for cutting onions or something?" Otherwise, the gas might not get my lungs, but it would certainly hurt my eyes. Not that they ever did me much good anymore anyways, but still. All the cooks stared at me in silence. At least, until Patty pointed at a cupboard above the sink.

"There should be a few pairs in there- if Carne hasn't busted them again."

"Oi! I would never!"

"Thanks." The goggles were just large enough to fit over my glasses. Excellent. I could see _and_ protect my eyes. Usually I had to do one or the other.

Then I had to figure out how to get out without letting the gas in. Luckily, the hole Luffy had made in the roof was both above gas level and still open. I clambered out and perched on the top of the restaurant, looking around to get an idea what was going on. It was hard to see through the gas, but I could tell enough. There were only three shadows I really needed to keep track of anyway- Luffy, Sanji, and Krieg. All the pirates in the water were unimportant, unlikely to do anything in their fear. Also, perching on the roof made me feel like Batman.

"Gum-Gum Gatling!" The gas shifted as my captain battered Krieg at an inhuman pace. I couldn't see whether this was enough to damage the armada captain's armour though. What I _did_ see was a hand reach out and grab my stretchy captain as he finished his technique, and his being thrown into the water. Well, that was my cue. I jumped down to the deck, where Sanji was.

"Sanji? You okay?"

"Miss Jones? What're you doing out here? Go back inside where the gas can't hurt you!" The cook's voice sounded strange, muffled by his gas mask. I shook my head.

"I'm fine; I know how to neutralize the gas. But I need to go get Luffy, so keep an eye out for Krieg." Without waiting for an answer, I dove into the water.

Not the best idea I ever had. Kitchen goggles aren't water-tight. So once again I was subject to the burning of salt against my eyeballs as I searched for my anchor of a captain. Luckily it didn't take long. I grabbed Luffy by the back of his vest and hauled him to the surface, dragging him up onto a piece of flotsam. Then I glared through the still water-filled goggles, too afraid of the gas to take them off and dump them out.

"Finish him quickly please. I can't do that again." My lungs were burning from having to hold an ammonia-soaked breath, and my arms ached. I wasn't used to pulling people underwater.

Luffy nodded. Luckily his gas mask had prevented him from inhaling too much water. "Okay. Thanks Jones."

By now, Krieg had moved. He was on the deck of the _Baratie_ , facing Sanji through the gas. I couldn't tell if they'd been fighting while I was underwater, or if Krieg had just gotten there. It was a moot point though. Two jumps had Luffy landing between them, rubber arm twisting around as he flung it back. Then came a tremendous sound, like a bullwhip being snapped mixed with someone doing donuts in a gravel parking lot.

"Gum-Gum Rifle!"

I have no way to describe the sound of armour shattering under a spinning rubber fist. It wasn't like a plate breaking, although that's probably the closest I can come. Maybe someone who's been in a bad car crash would've heard something similar; I don't know. All I _do_ know is that it hurt my ears worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. I flinched and covered them, scrunching my eyes shut on reflex. So I didn't get to see or hear Krieg splash down, didn't know when battle ended. At least, not until I felt someone shaking my shoulder several minutes later.

"Miss Jones! Miss Jones! You can take off the- whatever you've got on your face now. The shitty gas's gone."

Opening my eyes, I checked first. I trusted Sanji, but at the same time I wasn't certain. He might not know enough about mustard gas to know when things were safe. But as far as I could tell, he was right. There was no more oddly coloured fog in the air, and the Krieg pirates were starting to remove their masks. Sanji and Luffy had already taken theirs off. So I shifted the water-filled goggles up onto my forehead and untied my bandanna from my nose and mouth.

Almost immediately, I started coughing. Right- ammonia was almost as dangerous as the gas I'd been using it to protect myself from, especially when mixed with water. I'd forgotten about that. Well, at least I hadn't gotten it in my eyes. Sanji rubbed my back as I hacked and gasped, turning to the restaurant to call for help.

"Oi! Shitheads! I've got a lady in distress out here! Someone get ready to treat chemical burns and whatever damage she's done to her lungs and throat!"

Chemical burns? I reached up to touch my face. Sure enough, the whole lower half felt raw and tender; when I pulled my hand away, there was a little bit of blood and the places I'd touched started to sting. Oops.

By now I was coughing so hard I could barely stand. Sanji helped me back to the restaurant, passing a worried Luffy as we went inside. Carne was already waiting with a first-aid kit. He began smearing some sort of gel on my face before Sanji could say anything, while Patty prepared some concoction that involved warm water, honey, and a plant that looked kind of like horehound. I returned the cook's goggles while trying to muffle my coughs in my sleeve.

Luffy looked at me with disappointment. It was somewhere between withholding treats from my cat and failing something Sensei was sure I could do; my stomach sank to the bottom of the sea. "Jones… I thought you said you wouldn't hurt yourself."

"Actually, I only promised that I wouldn't go death-seeking." I barely managed to speak through the coughs. "This… Wasn't on purpose though. I forgot ammonia did this; I was just trying to nullify the poison gas."

I expected to be hit over the head, so I braced myself for pain and unconsciousness. Instead, I got an incredulous stare. Patty handed me a mug that smelled like home-made cough medicine; I sipped it slowly as I waited for my captain to gather his thoughts. While the coughs didn't go away completely, they did subside enough that I no longer felt like they would cause me to lose a lung. My entire chest was still burning from the inside out though.

"I don't know what a degree in English and Biology means," Luffy said after a few minutes, "But you told me you win word fights. This doesn't look like a word fight- or like you won."

"It's chemistry." Chef Zeff knelt beside me with an awkward clunk, examining the job Carne was doing tending to my face. "Sloppily done, if she didn't remember something like how dangerous ammonia can be, but chemistry- and used more creatively than anyone I've seen in a long time." I wanted to tell him that I was fine, that Sanji and Luffy needed bandages more than I needed attention, but I couldn't get the words out. Someone must've seen the look in my eyes though, as a couple of the chefs whose names I didn't know immediately went to work on my captain and the future Straw Hat cook.

"Oh. What's chemistry?"

What was this sudden urge to bang my head against the nearest solid object? Was this how Nami felt whenever she tried to explain weather or navigation to the rest of the crew? Luffy's ignorance was a lot less adorable when I had to deal with it personally. "It's a mystery thing that tells me what things are made of and how I can use that to my advantage. I didn't lie; my major was English literature and Biology- genetics and environmental biology if we want to get technical. But doing biology means I have some chemistry as well. And taking English means I had to learn a bit about history, psychology, and philosophy. Plus, I already told you I tend to research anything that interests me."

Carne whistled. "Little Miss Waitress sure is a jack of all trades."

"Ace of all and king of none," I said, gesturing to my burned face. "Just don't ask me for statistics; I hate 'em and they don't make sense to me at all. Passed that class through sheer luck."

"When did you have _time_ to study all that?" Patty wondered. "And why? Wouldn't it be easier to stick with one thing? Become a cook or an engineer or something?"

My favourite author provided the answer for that. I reeled off the quote, proud. "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. Or at least, so says Robert A. Heinlein."

No one could come up with anything to argue with that- probably because they had no idea who Heinlein was. If I'd said that on my world, it would've immediately identified me as a giant geek. In the ensuing silence though, I- and everyone around me- realized what Luffy had said earlier. I felt the blood drain from my face. How could he have mentioned my self-harm so casually? It wasn't something random acquaintances were meant to know about! As all eyes turned to my arms, I searched my head for something I could use as a distraction.

A chef whose name I didn't know raised his eyebrows. "Wait. Those stains on your sleeves… are blood?"

Luffy looked horrified, belatedly aware of what he'd done. His immediate reaction was familiar- and probably would've made me laugh if it'd been any other topic under examination. "Um… Everyone, forget what I said! Thanks for helping Jones with her face burns; you can leave us alone now!"

Ghin stepped up. "We can't just forget something like that. It's _serious_. Don Krieg wouldn't even let people with those kinds of issues into his fleet because he didn't want them breaking down at the wrong time."

That earned him a hard look from my captain. "Well, Krieg was a meanie and a butt-head. Jones won't break down on me; she just needs a little help."

This was _very_ uncomfortable. Distraction, I needed a distraction _now_. Mentally apologizing to the Straw Hat cook, I threw him under the bus instead. "I'm fine, really. The one who needs help is Sanji. His dream is to find the All Blue, but he can't bring himself to leave the restaurant to search for it because he feels like he owes Zeff his life for saving him from a shipwreck- even though Zeff only saved him because they have the same dream and he thought Sanji could make it a reality."

Two jaws dropped; everyone else just stared at me. I rubbed my forearms and tried to sink into my chair as Sanji and Zeff stared at me. When they eventually spoke, it was in unison, producing an odd stereo effect.

"How the Hell did you know that? Are you a mind reader?"

On second thought, revealing my comic knowledge in front of Ghin and the entire staff of the _Baratie_ probably wasn't the best idea either. Oops. But at least no one was thinking about my cutting anymore. "Um… No…" _Come on brain, don't fail me now. I need an excuse!_ "I'm a- a witch! My magic lets me know lots of things I shouldn't, and sometimes I can make strange things happen without a Devil Fruit!"

Weirdly, most of the cooks seemed to accept this. Patty was a skeptic though- I shouldn't have been so surprised. The Popeye expy folded his bizarre arms over his chest. "Oh yeah? Prove it."

"Fine." I coughed as I stood, but the burning in my lungs was subsiding. That was good. Since I didn't think Zeff would appreciate me proving my point by breaking part of his restaurant, I went and retrieved a large piece of Krieg's broken ship, dragging it inside. It was much bigger than what I normally trained with, so I hoped this would still work. Fingertips against the wood, focus _through_ it, deep breath… Snap.

My small movement was followed by the sound of a tree snapping in half. Luffy smiled; I wondered if it was because he knew what I was doing, or he just liked seeing things break and explode. Patty nodded, too stunned for words. Zeff stared at me appraisingly.

"I've seen tricks like that before Miss Jones. You may or may not be a witch- but I know you're hiding something. As long as it doesn't hurt the restaurant or my Eggplant, though, I guess it doesn't matter."

"What?! How can you take this so calmly?!" Sanji looked from me to Zeff, not sure who he should be angry at. Eventually he settled on Zeff, because I'm a girl and that comes with automatic Sanji protection. Once he was on the crew, he'd really need to work on that.

"Because I've been to the Grand Line. There are far stranger things on those seas than a little girl who knows things she shouldn't. And from her actions with Straw Hat, she means well-even if she has less common sense than a turkey in a rain storm."

"I'm twenty-three," I muttered. At this point, people were too confused by everything else I'd said to pay any attention.

Luffy fiddled with one of his bandages. "Ne, well, now that Jones spilled… Sanji, join my crew!"

"What? No! I refuse!"

"And I refuse your refusal! So there!" Okay, it wasn't as funny in real life. Although that might have more to do with the situation. Still, I had to fight to keep a straight face. Especially once Zeff started laughing.

"Go with them Eggplant. Our little waitress is right; I didn't save you so you could waste your life here. I saved you so you'd have a chance to fulfill our dream."

Sanji growled. "You can't get rid of me that easily Old Geezer! I'm your sous chef; you're stuck with me until you die."

"Or until I fire you and you're not the sous chef anymore."

That made the younger blond freeze and gape. My heart sank a little; apparently I'd changed the whole heartwarming-asshole scene of all the cooks pretending Sanji's food sucked. Oh well, I did say "Screw you" to the butterfly effect. As long as Sanji still joined up, it'd be fine.

"You- you'd actually fire me? But I helped you build this place!"

Zeff nodded. "And when you were just a kid, that was fine. I didn't mind having you run around all over the place, messing up my recipes and trying to put cheese in everything. But you're not a little Eggplant anymore. You've learned enough to be a better cook than anyone else a bunch of rookie pirates could hope to recruit, and you can fight well enough now that I don't have to worry about you dying before you make it to Reverse Mountain. Probably. It's time for you to go find the All Blue- that _is_ why I saved you all those years ago. We share the same dream; I can't go exploring anymore with this leg of mine, so you'd best do it for both of us."

"Chef Zeff…" Sanji blinked back tears. The older cook coughed and shook his head.

"Oi, none of that now. If you need to cry, go chop some onions while you're waiting. I'll have someone get a boat ready for you and your little captain- you're going after that redheaded girl, right?"  
"Yep!" Luffy bounced in his seat. "Make sure whoever's packing gives us lots of meat, Old Man! And… we can take Jones now, right? Since I beat the asshole who tried to steal your restaurant?"

"Heh, of course you can Brat." Zeff snorted and shook his head. "I don't need a waitress with that little common sense wandering around. She'd probably try to clean the deep fryers while they were still running or something."

"Yes!" My captain bounced over and almost hugged me, before remembering that I don't like that. The result was that he tripped and rolled into the wall, giggling once he'd stopped. I shook my head and headed outside. If we had to wait for a boat to be prepared, I was gonna collect some scrap wood for training. It's not like the Krieg Pirates had any more use for it.

"Miss Jones, what's all that for?" Sanji stared at me and my pile of boards in confusion, swirly eyebrow raised. I shrugged as I began loading it into the little boat we'd been given.

"Training."

"…Okay then." The cook went back to securing our food supplies against intrusion by our captain. As for my part, I was trying to spot said captain. Luffy was late, having disappeared somewhere once the chefs who were giving us supplies had given him the boot.

I was about to call for said captain when I head sandals slapping against damp wood. Luffy bounded over my head and landed in the boat behind me, whistling. From the way his mouth was stretched, he'd just stolen a whole ham from the kitchen. I sighed. Yep, my captain was a rubber carnivorous chipmunk.

"Let's go!" Luffy ordered, swallowing his ill-gotten gains. Sanji shook his head, but obeyed orders, casting off as I hoisted the sail. Just before the last line came free, heavy leather pounded against the deck of the _Baratie_. Ghin placed a foot on the rail, holding our little boat in place as he tossed his sea bag in.

"Thought you were leaving without me, did you?"

Luffy stared at him. "I didn't ask you to join, did I?"

"No. But will you stop me if that's what I want?"

"Huh?" My captain looked very confused. I had to admit, I was as well. Ghin hadn't indicated he was interested in joining us, so I'd written him off in my head, expecting that he'd take what was left of Krieg's crew and go off somewhere with them like in canon.

"Look, I owe you guys. Jones got me out, your crew paid for my food, and Sanji was willing to help Krieg even though he was an asshole and a shit captain. I don't run away from my debts."

"Oh. But you don't owe us anything. We did all that cause we wanted to." Luffy smiled. It looked like he was about to tell Ghin to go away; the former Krieg pirate could apparently sense this too, as he tried again.

"Jones said some things that got me interested- I want to see what a _real_ captain and crew are like. And you don't have to worry that I'll get in the way; I can fight."

Instead of the expected rejection, Luffy shot Ghin an appraising look. It was long, and accompanied by an awkward silence. Sanji looked confused. But with my newfound insight into Luffy's hiring process, I thought I understood what was going on. Ghin looked _lost_ \- he was a good second-in-command, but he wasn't a leader. Or at least, this version of him wasn't. If Luffy rejected him, he might try to guide the remains of his old crew, but he would eventually end up under another man regardless, because that was what Ghin knew best. I'd just finished this assessment when Luffy nodded and beamed.

"Alright. Get in!"

Smiling with relief, Ghin stepped into the little boat and made his way over to help me with the sail. Sanji made a noise of understanding, although since I wasn't looking at him anymore, I had no idea what it was the cook had understood. Not that it mattered. I was too busy trying to think of the best way to explain my strange knowledge to the new crew members. The witch explanation was fine for people I wasn't going to be seeing every day for the foreseeable future, but Sanji and Ghin would need the truth eventually.


	3. Metatextual

**Metatextual: when a text begins to analyze itself as a text**

 **Thank you Sheechire, Gerbilfriend, UntitledOrSimplyUnknown, and Xipholynx for your wonderful, supportive comments! I hope this story continues to intrigue.**

 **UntitledOrSimplyUnknown— Really? You'd never expected Gin/Ghin to join? Huh. I actually took that idea from my beta reader; he joins in her story too. But we have much different ideas about how to characterize him as life goes on. ^_^**

"Miss Jones! Your lunch is ready!" Sanji noodled out of the cabin/galley of the tiny boat, holding a tray of sandwiches. As soon as I grunted my acknowledgement, he turned to where Luffy and Ghin were fishing over the side. "Oi, shitheads! Your grub's ready too."

"Asshat," Ghin grumbled. It didn't stop him from stomping over to eat though. "Why're you so weird around Jones?"

"Because she's a lady, and ladies deserve to be treated like they're special."

"I'm not a lady," I mumbled into my sandwich. I wasn't quiet enough though; everyone heard me. That led to a confused stare from Luffy.

"Really? Is that why you didn't wanna sleep in the girls' cabin with Nami? But you have boobs; I've never seen a guy with boobs before."

Sanji promptly laid an axe kick down on our captain's skull. "Don't talk to her like that! Especially not at the table! Learn some manners!"

"Leave him alone Sanji. He's your captain now."

"Of course Miss Jones! Whatever you say!"

Gods above and below, the cook's eyes were creeping me out. Heart shapes… How did they work? I wanted to know, but I was far too scared to ask. Not that I was likely to meet anyone who could give me an answer before Drum Kingdom anyway. So instead of asking, I tried to make the heart shapes go away. "You know you're too young for me, right Sanji? So please stop with the flirting; it's weird."

"Too young? So you like older men Miss Jones?"

"No. I'm just older than you think I am. I told you at the _Baratie_ , but you were otherwise occupied and probably forgot. I'm twenty-three." And I really needed to figure out why people always thought I was younger.

Then Sanji started muttering under his breath and I realized that my plan wasn't going to work. After all, Robin was older than me and he still went noodle-y and strange over her. Or he would once he met her. Damn, sometimes it was almost like I'd time travelled, having all this future knowledge- and the verb tenses that went with it! Confusing.

"Half of twenty-three plus seven is eighteen!" Sanji announced. "And I'm nineteen, so a relationship would be perfectly alright."

"Not interested." Come on, where was a giant carnivorous sea cow when you needed one? We'd been sailing for more than a day already; shouldn't Mohmoo have attacked us by now? I'd already gone through all my training boards- pun not intended. Now I was bored.

With nothing else to do, I went back to washing my bandanna. Hopefully I had all the ammonia out now, or would soon; I'd been working on this pretty much ever since we'd left the restaurant. The red cloth still smelled like cat piss though. And, well, it wasn't that red anymore. Being soaked in ammonia and then washed multiple times was fading the colour to a brownish-pink; it wasn't doing the structural integrity of the fabric any good either. But I felt vulnerable without it on, naked, like someone was about to grab me by the neck at any second. Not that the bandanna would really help with that… But the feeling was still there.

Luffy flopped down beside me, staring out over the waves. "Jones… How much longer til we get there?"

"I don't know. The writer never specified travel times."

"Stingy."

"Not my fault." I pulled my bandanna out of the soapy bucket and sniffed it. Finally, litterbox smell gone. "It would go faster if we could catch a sea monster and convince it to pull us, but I don't know how to make him show up."

"Poo…" Then Luffy's eyes lit up. I averted my gaze from the puzzling bioluminescence. "Hey Jones… Do people in your world poop?"

"Wha-? Yes." I shook my head and put my bandanna back on. Ah, much better. "Seriously, you know I go to the head as often as anyone else."

He shrugged. "It might've only started when you got here. I don't know what your world's like."

"Boring. You'd hate it. There's lots of rules and not much left to explore. Our golden age of piracy was over three hundred years ago; right now everything's politics, digital weirdness, and corruption. Our planet's dying, our commerce system doesn't make sense, and the people in charge either don't care enough to fix things, don't know how to fix things, or find themselves unable to fix things on their own. I didn't understand most of it myself, to be honest." Shrugging, I leaned against the rails. "I mostly buried myself in adventure stories and waited to die- some days more proactively than others. There wasn't really much I could do about any of the problems though. I felt like such a hypocrite sometimes, talking about things that were going wrong when I couldn't fix them either. Being here… It's much simpler."

Dark eyes just stared at me, glazed over. "You use lots of big words."

"Sometimes. Sorry; I can't help it. If you think this is bad though, you should've heard the debates I used to have with my friends in undergrad. We went _so_ deep into the parallel worlds theory wormhole one time… We started discussing what would happen if there was an entire universe full of Schrodinger's Cats, and then a person suddenly appeared in it. Does their being observed mean they're all alive? All dead? Some of each? Would it spawn another universe of Schrodinger's Cats, since the original technically wouldn't be such anymore?"

"Stop!" Luffy groaned and tugged the brim of his hat down around his ears. I wondered how the straw was able to stand such abuse without snapping. "I don't even know what those mean and you're hurting my brain!"

"Sorry."

"Shishishi! It's okay. Sa- Sabo used to make my brain hurt sometimes too." My captain's face suddenly went dark. "I miss him still. Lots. Ace does too. If only we'd been faster… Come up with a way to get him back from his parents… I never want to lose someone like that again."

My first thought was to reassure him, to tell him that I'd make sure he never had to lose someone again. But instead, I had to hold back laughter. Ah, dramatic irony, my old friend. So inappropriate… But also funny, knowing things no one else did. That, or I was developing a much more morbid sense of humour than I'd had on Earth. Possibly both? Regardless, I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. And I mean bite it hard enough that I tasted blood. Luffy looked at me strangely.

"What's wrong Jones? You look like Ace when he needs to poop."

And that lovely image did it. I lost what little control I had left. "Sesehihihihihi! Sorry Captain, spoilers." Hopefully he wouldn't bug me to tell him what I knew that could possibly make his brother's death funny. But this was Luffy, so I was pretty sure a spoiler alert would be enough to get him to change the topic. He was worse than a _Game of Thrones_ fan that way.

"Gah! No spoilers! Shush!" Hah, worked like a charm. Instead of pursuing the subject, Luffy took off towards our cook. "Sanji! Meat!"

"We just had lunch Shitty Rubber-Head! You can wait!"

"Actually," I called, standing up, "I'd like a snack too."

"Of course Miss Jones! What would you like?"

"Something with maple syrup and bacon in it."

Ghin shook his head at our antics, a small smile crossing his face. "So you're only 'not a lady' until you want something from him?"

" _Pirate_. But no… I'm definitely not a lady. Sanji's just a lost cause that way, so I may as well take advantage of his willingness to obey the orders of anything with boobs." I shuddered. "At least mine are small enough that he's not gonna get a nosebleed or anything. Couldn't handle having big jugs like Nami; they'd get in the way."

The older pirate looked a little uncomfortable at that. "Um… Jones? Could you not talk like that? Or, well, about those sorts of things."

"What? Not used to having a girl act like one of the guys?" Ghin nodded; I sighed. "Sorry… But look, you're gonna have to get used to it. Today's not a down day, so this is how I act. Just be glad we won't be encountering a significant source of caffeine until Water Seven."

"Why?"

"Because I get _really_ hyper, _really_ easy. Back home people used to hide the coffee on me all the time to avoid it- except Gary. He was convinced that if he could find away to harness the power of hyper me, he could take over the world. Probably wouldn't work here though."

"I'm torn between looking forward to seeing it and not wanting to know," Ghin grunted, hauling on a line. I helped him adjust the sail. By the time we were done, Sanji had finished making snacks and was stepping out of the cabin/galley.

"Miss Jones! Shitheads! Snacks are ready!"

SPLASH! A great shadow fell over our boat as it rocked on the resulting waves. Salt water rained down on us from Mohmoo's head. Luffy looked at me like my earlier words had summoned the great creature that rose above us. Ghin whipped out his tonfa in surprise and prepared for battle. And a giant sea cow stared longingly at a plate of mini maple bacon donuts.

Lighting a cigarette, Sanji stared up at the seal-like bovine. "Aw… Are you hungry bud?"

Mohmoo nodded and bent down to take a donut- or more likely the whole plate… which was still in Sanji's hand… Right before biting down on the cook's arm, the sea cow's jaw was met with a solid kick that knocked him well away. He whimpered; Sanji raged.

"How stupid do you think I am?!"

"Rawr!" Sharp teeth became visible as Mohmoo snarled, rearing back as if to strike the boat. His assault was interrupted by Luffy's fist.

"Gum-Gum Pistol!"

The sea cow splashed back down, a massive bruise forming on his forehead. I reached out to pat the beaten creature. Mohmoo looked like he was about to chance biting me, but glares from my three companions made him freeze. I examined his green patches with interest. There were no green mammals on my world; how had this evolved? Did the green pigment do anything, or was it just cosmetic? Sea cow hide felt like warm, wet rubber- just like petting an orca. _Everyone loves Marineland!_

"Ghin, do we have any rope? If we tie ourselves behind this guy, he can take us to Nami's home island. He works for Arlong, but he's a bit of a wimp, so it's fine." I rubbed behind one giant, rubbery ear. "You're just a little cutie fluff, aren't you? Who's a good sea cow? Mohmoo's a good sea cow!"

Sanji cocked his head to one side as Ghin went through our supplies. "Why do women always get so weird around animals?"

"Cause they're cute and fluffy and more reliable than men." I shifted so I was patting Mohmoo's nose. There was some redness, though no swelling or signs of infection. Still… "Does that nasty ring hurt your little nosie? Want me to take it out for you?"

Huge eyes stared at me, full of trust; enormous ears flicked forwards with interest. I decided to take that as a yes. I'd never tried to break metal before, but it was worth a shot. This stuff was weakened by the sea salt anyway; plain carbon steel, not stainless. I could already see a little bit of rust forming. So I chose a weak-looking spot along the inside of the giant ring, placed my hand, focused, and…

Pain! Pain in my palm, my wrist, and my ears. The rusted metal broke alright, cutting the air with an awful screeching noise and scattering shards of steel everywhere. Several of them ended up embedded in my hand. Ow, ow, ow, tabarnak, ow! I glared at the metallic splinters as I worked the nose ring free as gently as I could. Mohmoo blinked gratefully.

"If you want to thank me, let the nice man with the cannonball tonfa tie his rope around your horns, and pull us to the other side of the island where Arlong is. We'd also appreciate it if you feigned illness when Hachi calls you in the middle of the fight. Ow! Merde!" Yanking steel slivers out of my hand hurt almost as much as them going in. At least they were large enough that I didn't need tweezers to grab on. Although… I did _have_ some tweezers as part of my Swiss Army Knife. Still, there were lots of other things we were missing. Maybe I should make a list of things we didn't have so I could buy them in Loguetown.

Sanji rested a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Miss Jones, I don't think it can understand you."

"What makes you think that?" I stared at the little holes in my hand, wondering if they were big enough that they needed bandaging. Eh, probably not. Shouldn't seal them up until I got a chance to clean them properly at least- who knew what kind of bacteria and fish poop that sea cow nose ring had on it?

"It's just an oversized, meat-eating manatee."

"Eh? I dunno… Are you related to manatees Mohmoo?"

The sea cow nodded his head at my question. Sanji still didn't look convinced, so I tried a new tactic. "Mohmoo, if you can understand me, lick Sanji's head before you let Ghin on your back with the rope."

Seconds later, a sputtering cook found his head covered in slobber. Luffy laughed; I thought I heard Ghin stifle a chuckle as he wrapped the ends of the ropes around our mast. Then Mohmoo turned so he was floating placidly in front of our little boat. A few minutes later we were being pulled along at a swift, steady pace. I held the ropes and stood at the bow, pretending I was driving a mail carriage in the Old West. What? A girl can dream, can't she?

"Whoa!" I pulled back on the ropes as we approached the broken remains of a village. Mohmoo probably couldn't feel it at all, but he was good about slowing down when he heard my voice. I climbed up the sea cow's back- it was slick, but his dorsal fins made good hand holds- and untied the ropes from around his horns, patting him again before sliding back down.

"Now, don't forget- if Hachi calls you in the next day or so, you're either sick or out of range."

Mohmoo nodded once before disappearing with a flip and a splash. Ghin shook his head. "I still don't understand how you're so good with animals."

"It's cause I'm quiet and I treat them well." I shrugged. "It's not hard, especially with something as smart as a sea cow. And, well, I always liked animals better than people."

The four of us rowed our boat the last few hundred meters to shore. Which meant that we'd have to walk to Nojiko's house, since Mohmoo hadn't sent us flying. But that also meant we hadn't run over Zoro, so… win? He'd be less beaten up when he started fighting Hachi at least, although it might not make a difference with the wound from Mihawk being so huge.

"Jones? Are you listening?"

Ghin's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "Eh? Sorry, what was that? I spaced out for a bit."

He chuckled. "I asked if there was anything you couldn't do. You have seem to have a lot of strange knowledge and weird skills."

"It's not _that_ weird. _Weird_ would be the time I taught my cat to do high-five and come when he was called. And you know from experience that I'm not a very strong fighter- although I'm trying to change that."

"Plus she can't cook," Luffy supplied. I winced.

"Thanks for reminding me Captain." Then I felt the blood drain from my face. Oh no… Diverse skills, loved by animals, future knowledge… Tabarnak. Was I- was I a Mary Sue? But… in that case, I'd been even more of a Mary Sue in my world. Probably. Was that why so many people hated me? Even Quebecois French didn't have enough curse words to express how I felt at that realization. I didn't want to be a Mary Sue!

"You alright Jones?" Luffy asked with a smile. I forced the horrified expression off my face. Wouldn't do to let anyone know how much I hated myself right now. It helped that I really, _really_ hated that sentence; irritation was always good at covering up fear, in my experience.

"Fine Captain. Just fine." Oh well, at least I was injury prone and weird. Maybe that would compensate for some of my Sue tendencies. Hopefully.

Walking to Nojiko's house was long and boring. I didn't know the way, since we'd made land properly instead of being flung, so finding it took several hours. By the time we managed, Zoro was sitting on the ground outside, drinking. Johnny and Yosaku were trying and failing to hide their tears. I could see Nojiko through a window, her head buried in her hands. Luffy immediately bounded ahead, landing beside Zoro and shaking the swordsman's shoulder.

"Ne, Zoro, what happened?"

It was Johnny and Yosaku who answered. "Big Bro Luffy… It's awful… Nami- Nami killed Big Bro Usopp. She's been working for Arlong the whole time!"

"What? No she didn't." Usopp emerged from the trees behind our group. Johnny and Yosaku immediately burst into tears; the sniper rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Nami pretended to stab me so I could get away after the fishmen caught me. Although she really is working for them… She told me to tell you guys to leave."

Zoro frowned. "She told me the same thing when they caught me; cut my bonds and told me to get lost."

"Why though?" Luffy stared at Usopp. The sniper just shrugged.

"I don't know. There was also something about Jones not understanding, but I didn't quite catch it."

Everyone turned to stare at me. I shook my head. "No, not this time. I learned my lesson at the _Baratie_ ; I'm not blurting out anyone's backstory again. It just leads to awkward questions. Ask Nojiko."

At the sound of her name, Nami's sister emerged from the house. "So there are more of you. You're the latest crew my little sister's pulled into her web, aren't you?"

"Nami didn't pull us into anything." Dark brown eyes peered out from under golden straw. "But she needs help, doesn't she? So we'll help her; she's my navigator."

Nojiko shook her head. She had blue highlights in her lilac hair that caught the light as she moved. Interesting… Although odd hair colours were much less alarming than the frequent weird eye shapes. "You don't understand Straw Hat. The fishmen… Arlong… Nami doesn't have a _choice_ but to work for them. They killed our mother, and Arlong's threatened to kill more villagers if she's ever late coming home from one of her expeditions. She draws maps for them…"

That was the wrong thing to tell Luffy. Rubber fingers clenched into fists. He looked like he was about to take off and challenge Arlong to a fight- which he was. But Nojiko had never dealt with someone who actually had the strength to do that before, so she tried to stop him. "Arlong's promised her that if she can raise a hundred million beri, she can buy our island and he'll leave. She doesn't know that I know… That everyone knows. Please, she's almost there. Just leave it alone."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Ghin beat me to it. Of course; his last captain had been even worse than Arlong. "You're a fool if you trust him. And even if he does leave… what makes you think he won't just kill everyone then, or best case, force her to go with him?"

Dark green eyes glared at the tonfa wielder. Then Nojiko stalked over and slapped him. "Don't you think we've thought of that already? But this is the best chance we have!"

Damn, what order had things happened in? My memories of this arc were a little blurry. Let's see… Sometime around now, Nami would be telling Arlong about the money she'd gathered, that she was ready to buy the island. Or had she told him already? Either way, he'd call Captain Nezumi soon, and the marine would steal the money. Nami would be trapped, the villagers would be angry… Luffy was already prepared to beat up Arlong, so nothing I could do would change those fights. Not that I wanted to anyway. If Luffy didn't beat Arlong, Nami wouldn't come with us. But I wanted to do _something_ ; I couldn't just sit on the sidelines and watch my crew mates fight.

Ghin and Nojiko were still arguing when I tuned back into the conversation. Although I still wasn't really paying attention. I interrupted them without a second thought. "Nojiko, do you have some bleach and window washing stuff I can borrow?"

Nami's sister froze in confusion. "Yes… Why do you need them though?"

"I've got a rat to take care of."

Still puzzled, Nojiko brought me what I'd asked for. I saluted my captain before picking up the bottles. "I'll catch up soon Luffy; don't wait for me. Just kick Arlong's ass."

Ghin made to follow me as I left. That was strange. I stopped and shook my head. "No Ghin, I'll be fine. You're not the best character for stealth ops anyway. Keep an eye on the captain; if he gets himself jammed knee-deep in concrete, you need to get him out so Zoro and Sanji don't have to worry about it while they're fighting."

"Huh?" Everyone stared at me- Sanji, Ghin, Nojiko, Johnny, and Yosaku with more confusion than Luffy, Zoro, and Usopp. The tonfa wielder frowned.

"That was… oddly specific."

"I'll explain later, I promise. After this mess with Arlong is sorted out."

Johnny and Yosaku weren't happy with that explanation- Ghin probably wasn't either, but he trusted me more than they did. The bounty hunters protested and tried to stop me, wanting to know what was going on. I slipped under Yosaku's arm as I took off into the trees, undoing my bandanna as I went. This was gonna sting… again. And I'd just gotten it to stop stinking too. But I knew better than to think I could take on Nezumi and his men head to head. I needed all the advantages I could get. Luckily, I don't think any of the marines in this group had much in the way of a science background.

Ammonia burned the raw patches on my face as I once again soaked my bandanna, turning it into a makeshift gas mask. At least I wouldn't be diving into the water with it this time. I snuck through the tangerine orchard to where Nami had buried all her treasure. Nezumi and his goons weren't there yet- right, there had been some form of confrontation first. But they'd come soon enough. If I'd had more materials I would've set some traps; as it was, I had only one weapon available to me. Oh well, if I used it properly, it would be plenty.

I'd been waiting for probably an hour when gunshots cut the air. Three loud bangs, followed by the sound of tramping footsteps through the orchard. Marines didn't know the meaning of stealth. It wasn't long until I saw numerous pairs of heavy boots march past my hiding place.

"Alright men!" Nezumi's voice reminded me of the evil governor from _Pocahontas_. "It should be around here somewhere- get digging!"

That was my cue. I poured the window washing solution into the bottle of bleach and began wafting the resulting fumes towards the marines. Hopefully this wouldn't do any serious damage to the tangerine trees; Nami would probably kill me if it did. Chloramine vapour- one of the easiest and most dangerous things I knew how to make. My bandanna wouldn't protect me from it for long- actually, it would only convert di- and trichloramines into the slightly less dangerous monochloramines- so I was very diligent in my wafting. I didn't want any of this coming back towards me.

It wasn't long before the marines started coughing. This was followed by dropping their shovels or weapons and rubbing their eyes- which only made the problem worse. Nezumi tried to shout at his men when they stopped digging, but the attempt only increased his own coughing. I watched with morbid fascination as the marines' lips and the skin around their fingernails began to dry and crack- which actually meant I'd been sitting there watching longer than I'd meant to, and was probably starting to be in danger myself. This was confirmed when I realized that the bottle I'd mixed things in was actually growing hot. Startled, I punted it towards the marines before it could blow up on me or something.

This drew their attention, as the bottle soon let out a burst of hot, toxic fluids. Several marines were hit, immediately raising blisters. This proved to be too much for them. The entire contingent fled the orchard as fast as they could, racing for their ship with their captain at the forefront. I followed as quick and quiet as possible- I didn't want to spend any more time near those vapours than I had to. They could be deadly if you were exposed for too long.

Several of the marines passed out on the beach, the combination of toxins and exertion too much for them. The rest moaned and rubbed their eyes, a cacophony of pain and illness. This allowed me to sneak up on them with no issue- not only could they not hear me over their own rasping voices, but their swollen, watery eyes meant they couldn't see well either. And even if they did get a look at me, I doubted they would be able to tell my identity. At best, they'd rant to their superiors about a short ghost with dirty blonde hair.

They knew I was there of course- at least, once I flicked out the blade of my Swiss Army Knife and pressed it against Nezumi's neck. "Everyone, form a circle facing inwards and don't move. I'm going to tie you up. If anyone resists, I'll slit your captain's throat."

The marines who were conscious and coherent looked nervous. Some started to do as I'd ordered. Then Nezumi had to go and open his big mouth. Merde… I should've gagged him. "You idiots! She's bluffing!"

Well, yes, I was, but they weren't supposed to know that! How had Nezumi been able to tell? Or… Sneaky little rat, was he trying to bluff too? Give his men enough bravery to resist, or make me doubt myself? Well, fine. They were all still suffering the effects of my poison and would be for some time. I could handle this. How, I wasn't exactly sure, but I knew if I talked long enough something would come to me. It always did.

"If your captain's implying that I've never killed a man before, he's right." I held my voice steady, though I could feel something trembling in my chest. "I like a good fight, but I'm not one to end someone in cold blood. There are one… Two… _Maybe_ three people I could actually do that to, that I _hate_ enough to send to Hell without question." I forced my crazy grin, hoping it came across as dangerous rather than just deranged. "But men… Do you really want to take the risk without knowing if any of _you_ are on that list?"

Nezumi gulped. Whether he'd read my body language or bluffed, he clearly hadn't anticipated that kind of response. He _wasn't_ on the list- just a bit villain who was barely worth the effort to threaten- but _he_ didn't know that. And I'm sure the drop of blood that trickled down his neck from his slight motion didn't reassure him. Mm, blood. I'd only ever tasted my own before; was other people's as good? It would add to the scare factor, at least. I leaned in and licked the stray drop, salty and sweet. My captive shuddered.

In hindsight, it was a stupid thing to do. What if he'd had some sort of disease? But I don't tend to think of things like that in the heat of the moment. Wisdom is my dump stat.

The effect was immediate. All the marines who were still capable of moving arranged themselves in a rough circle in front of me, including Nezumi without me having to let him go. Of course, that left me with the issue of how to tie them up. I had no rope- yet another oversight to be corrected once we got to Loguetown. Although I'd prefer duct tape if I could get it.

Then I took a good look at the marine uniforms. White shirts and baseball caps, blue neckerchiefs and pants, leather belts and boots. Hmm… Those would do nicely. I started with their hands, tying their wrists together with the neckerchiefs. I was tempted to take one to replace my own abused bandanna, but I couldn't. There were only as many as I needed to tie up all the marines. Once their hands were bound, I used their belts to lash their legs together. I did this to the unconscious ones too, since I had no idea when they would wake. Lastly, I gagged each man with his own left sock.

First objective complete, I closed my Swiss Army Knife and looked up at the marines' ship. Now… How was I going to get the supplies to the _Going Merry_? I couldn't sail a ship that large by myself- no one could. It was a bloody man o'war, first class! I didn't want to just leave it where it was though; if there were any marines I'd missed on other parts of the island, they might come back and untie the ones I'd incapacitated. Tabarnak… This was what I got for running off alone.

I was gonna have to take a chance on those reinforcements. It was too bad I couldn't remember how to call Mohmoo; he could've pulled the ship for me. Hopefully no one would take it while I was gone. With one last longing look at the man o'war, I took off my abused bandanna and headed for Arlong Park.

When reading comics, you can't really appreciate the press of bodies in even the best drawn crowd. It was hot and sweaty as I squeezed my way through the Cocoyashi villagers, making me shudder. I hate crowds, hate being touched by unfamiliar people; I did my best to avoid touching anyone, but it didn't work that well. Everyone was pale as they watched the fights in the park, gripping makeshift weapons with sweaty fingers. Nami, Nojiko, and Genzo were at the front of the pack, golden straw shining on the navigator's head. Blood dripped down Nami's left arm despite the bandage wrapping it. She had the knife still clutched in one hand.

"Johnny, Yosaku, lend me your swords!" Zoro's voice rang out as I emerged from the press of bodies. Sweet freedom.

"You got it Big Bro!" The idiots threw their swords. Really? Couldn't they have run to Zoro and _handed_ him the blades? Sure, that'd put them in the line of fire for a few seconds, but had Zoro been anyone else, throwing those dadao at him would've sliced him open.

I couldn't see what was happening with the bounty hunters blocking the way- the secondary, Sanji-shaped hole in the wall I was expecting wasn't available. So I ran at one of the walls, jumping to grab the top as I stepped up with one foot. Luckily the wall was only about eight feet high; I couldn't do more than that without decent handholds. As it was, I hauled myself to the top just in time to see Sanji get sent flying, forming the hole I'd been initially hoping to watch through. Oh well, too late now.

There was no gouge in the concrete where I was expecting it. Right, Luffy had used Gum-Gum Pinwheel to dispose of Mohmoo, who wasn't here. Instead the Monster Trio were all fighting at once while Ghin smashed through the mooks who would've been otherwise taken out by a flying, spinning cow. Sanji marched back through the hole he'd been punched through at the same moment Usopp got back from his hit-and-run fight against Chew. The air was filled with the smell of cigarette smoke, sweat, and ketchup.

"Hey guys! I managed to beat one of Arlong's officers!" Usopp was initially ecstatic as he poked his head through Sanji's hole. Then his face fell. "Oh. You're still… ehe… You can do it guys! I believe in you!"

I kept a close eye on the ongoing battles. There wasn't nearly as much talking as it had seemed on the page- or possibly there was more fighting, with Oda highlighting the talking because it was dramatic and important. I noticed quickly when Ghin was having trouble. There were just too many fishmen; he was being overwhelmed. And no one could come to his aid- Luffy was locked in an earlier-than-expected brawl with Arlong, Sanji had yet to finish Kuroobi, and Zoro was still blade to blade with Hachi. I looked down at Usopp, considering the options. On one hand, firing into such a crowded melee was likely to hit Ghin. On the other, if no one interfered there was a one hundred percent chance he would eventually lose. Unless conservation of ninjutsu was in effect… This was a fictional world, tropes might act like laws of physics did back home.

Still, it was best not to take chances, get messy, or make mistakes when an ally was in trouble. "Usopp… Ghin needs cover fire!"

The sniper jumped. He hadn't noticed me up on the wall before. "Jones?! Where'd you come from?"

"Just got back from securing us some supplies- I hope. But I'm all out of bleach, and Ghin needs help."

Of all the people who heard me, only Usopp didn't question how bleach would help me fight. Probably because of his experiments with ammunition. The sniper nodded and looked back at the battle, assessing things as he pulled a couple bottles of rum from his pack. They flew through the air in quick succession, smashing together and showering Ghin and his opponents in alcohol. Usopp followed up with a burning wad of pitch and string.

"Fire Star!"

Half of Arlong Park was engulfed in flames within seconds. Pretty blue flames, like the kind you'd get if you doused a bowl of raisins in brandy and ignited them. Several fishmen screamed as they were flash-fried. Ghin's voice rang out too, angry and in pain- though less frightened than his fishy opponents.

"Fuck! That burns! Shit, shit, shit- ow!" The tonfa wielder took a second to breath before finishing his shout. "Usopp! You're fucking next when I'm done here! I'm gonna kill you to death!"

"Jones told me to!" The sniper hid behind Nami, who was too fixated on Luffy's fight with Arlong to notice.

"I told him you needed cover fire, not that you needed to be covered in fire!" I used a focus break to smash some of the tiles on the wall where I was sitting and flung shards of pottery at the fishmen. I missed, but my projectiles wouldn't have done much if they hit anyway. If they were _stepped on_ , however… More screams came up as several members of Arlong's crew experienced the _One Piece_ equivalent of stepping on a _Lego_. It was their own fault for not wearing shoes.

Zoro compounded my efforts seconds later with the sound of shattering metal. His Tatsumaki practically disintegrated Hachi's six blades; the octopus yelped in disbelief. While the last of Ghin's opponents hopped and staggered with steel and clay in their feet, Hachi made one last attempt to attack Zoro. The Straw Hat swordsman deflected with a grunt before finishing the fight.

"Oni Giri!" An X of blood flew out as Hachi collapsed. Zoro looked at the other fights. Determining that he didn't need to get involved, the swordsman sheathed his blades and sat down below my wall, removing his bandanna.

Sanji was done a moment later, when Kuroobi was dumb enough to use a technique that needed charging. How that worked, I had no idea- clearly fishman karate was nothing like the karate I'd learned. Exactly how does one charge up a purely physical move? Or… Was Kuroobi trying to use a focus break? That was a bad idea in the middle of a fight, unless you could pull one off with less than a second of focus like Sensei.

"Collier, Épaule, Côtelette, Selle, Poitrine, Gigot… Mouton Shot!" A flurry of kicks launched Kuroobi into the air, gave him a Charlie horse, and drove him into the concrete. Sanji landed and took a drag on his cigarette. Like Zoro, he was in much better shape than at this point in the comics due to not having to rescue Luffy from a submerged concrete block. There was still a trickle of blood oozing from under the cook's bangs. "Shitty ingredients should never challenge a chef."

As shark teeth tore through stone, I waited with baited breath for what my friends affectionately called Luffy's "I Need People" speech. But it wasn't coming. The rubber captain wasn't picking up Johnny and Yosaku's dadao; Arlong wasn't taunting Luffy about his lack of intelligence. Instead, my captain slammed an elbow into the side of the shark's head hard enough to fire Arlong into a wall. Dark brown eyes blazed.

"You made my navigator cry… Made her want to _hurt herself_. I've known _nobles_ better than you!"

How… Why would Luffy say _that_? It was exactly the sort of thing that would send a former Sun Pirate into a blind rage- that, or make them freeze and consider their actions. I suspected Arlong would be the former type though. How would Luffy know that it would be a sore spot? Unless he was just thinking about Sabo for some reason and blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. That was probably it.

Arlong's eyes flashed; he clashed his teeth together in anger. "How dare you? How dare you compare me to those _filthy rotten scum_?! Nobles… They're nothing but an infestation, a blight on this world! Even worse than the rest of you weak, worthless humans!"

The shark man charged, his spear-like nose set to pierce Luffy through. And my captain was between two pillars- nowhere to dodge. Except… up? The rubber boy leapt into the air, grabbing the rail of one of the upper levels of Arlong Park and firing himself into the air. Feet pressed together- butterfly position, I noted idly- Luffy snapped and attack downwards as he looked for somewhere safe to land.

"Gum-Gum Spear!"

"Oof!" Arlong slammed into the concrete, but he was up in a moment. His eyes glowed red; somehow, I found this less disturbing on a fishman than on a human. Perhaps because I was _expecting_ someone with fins, gills, and an alien shine to their scale-and-cartilage skin to have different biology to what I was used to. The shark man grabbed Luffy by the leg as the rubber boy landed, slamming my captain sideways into a pillar.

"Puny human! You dare interfere? Fishmen are stronger, faster, we can breathe underwater… It's our right as a superior species to control the seas! And Nami's maps will allow me to do just that!"

I couldn't hold myself back anymore. With everything I knew… "Fisher Tiger would be ashamed of you!" I bellowed. Arlong froze, turning to stare at me. Luffy's leg was still clutched in his hand.

"That name… How did you know that name?" Arlong's glare made me want to sink into the tiles I was sitting on and disappear. Stupid, stupid, impulsive… The problem was, my survival instincts only worked on down days or when I was trying to hide something from my mother. Neither of which applied now. I couldn't let anyone see my fear though, not ever. Time to roll a bluff check.

"I'm a witch; a seer. Like your sister. I know _lots_ of things I shouldn't." I forced on my crazy grin; maybe if I bluffed hard and often enough, it would _actually_ become scary. "Except unlike Sharley though, I don't serve an island or a country; I serve the future king of the pirates. Monkey D Luffy. Also known as the man who's gonna kick your ass for all you've done to Nami."

There was a rubbery slap as Arlong dropped Luffy. "You know my sister?"

"Not exactly. We've never met. But a good witch makes it her business to know _of_ important figures who could affect the one she serves." I tilted my head, trying to make my glasses flash the way anime characters used to intimidate their opponents. No idea if it worked though; I couldn't see myself.

"Well, witch, you're mistaken on at least one account. Fisher Tiger wouldn't be ashamed; he'd be proud of me for taking vengeance on the humans who killed him."

"No. Fisher Tiger died because of his own ingrained prejudice; if he'd accepted a blood transfusion from a human, he'd have lived. He refused." I bowed my head. "I know that village set a trap, that they handed him over to the marines in exchange for the government turning a blind eye to the presence of… of Koala. And yes, if they hadn't done that, he wouldn't have gotten shot to pieces. But the final nail in his coffin was his own inability to shake off the racial divide, as much as he wanted to at other times."

And actually… "As for your thing about humans being an inferior species, I'm sorry to inform you that biologically speaking, humans, giants, fishmen, everything… We're all the same species, just different breeds. Like a corgi versus a greyhound. The most commonly accepted definition of a species is basically "a group of individuals capable of reproducing viable offspring, separated by environmental and/or genetic factors from other such groups." Since I know for sure that half-human/half-fishmen, half-human/half-giant, and half-fishman/half-giant people exist, it stands to reason that we're actually all the same species. Therefore, your argument is null and void."

Arlong froze, staring. Below me, Zoro grunted. "Huh. So this is what she meant by winning word fights."

Teeth gnashing, Arlong abandoned Luffy in favour of charging at me. "Shut up witch! You know nothing! All talk, that's what you are, trying to make me abandon my plans! Die!"

"Tabarnak!" I jumped to my feet and ran along the wall, bluish fists destroying it behind me. Maudit; for a moment I thought Arlong was going to listen to logic. Apparently not. Then again, just before I came to this world the USA elected Donald Trump as their next president, so I shouldn't really expect logic to sway everyone. Still, it was worth a try.

"A little help here?!" I jumped up, catching a window sill and hauling myself in just before I ran out of wall. Not that I waited to hear an answer. There was an angry fishman behind me after all. And I doubted I'd be able to find anything around here to give me the sort of advantage I'd need to be comfortable fighting Arlong at this point. I hated myself for that, as I scrambled through the concrete halls of Arlong Park. This was the first time in my life I could remember running from a fight. I needed to train- badly. Until I was up to speed, I was more or less worthless in these sorts of situations. My forearms stung; my left hand twitched for my knife.

Unfortunately, Oda never drew maps of buildings like this. Actually, I didn't recall seeing maps of any sort until Alabasta, when they became necessary to track the movements of the crew during separations. I eventually found myself in a dead-end room, with no way out except the door I'd come through and a window that would drop me three or four stories onto concrete. But for all I had no idea how I'd gotten there, the room was familiar. Shelves full of maps and ocean surveys towered above me on two walls. Under the window was a small desk, a stack of blank paper sitting on the left side. On the right was a cup full of quill pens that sat between bottles of ink in several colours. One pen had a bloody thumbprint on it.

Nami's room.

Arlong was already coming through the doorway behind me. Tabarnak. I looked around for anything I could use- a weapon, a shield, poison… The only thing available was the ink. So I grabbed them all and threw them at Arlong's face. Seven bottles smashed against that sword-like nose, splashing the fishman with assorted colours. Unfortunately for me, he was smart enough to close his eyes at the last second, and he didn't move from place while he wiped his eyes clear. I couldn't slip past.

"You're out of luck little witch. Now… Do you know what the difference is between us?" Arlong marched over and grabbed me by the front of my shirt, lifting me up. If my feet had been on the ground I would've tried to get free- doubt it would've worked, but at least I would've been able to do _something_. As it was, all I could do was try to kick the fishman and hope I got him somewhere sensitive. Since he was holding me too high up for me to reach his groin, that was _very_ unlikely.

"But we're _not_ different," I choked out. "Everyone's spent generations _pretending_ we are in order to justify the horrible things they do. It happens between humans too, not just from humans towards others."

I dug my fingernails into Arlong's arm, scratching, drawing blood. It wasn't enough to make him drop me. Blackness started to nibble at the edges of my vision. I knew this feeling. Failed suicide number three, when I was fourteen years old. Back then I'd tried to choke myself, but as soon as I passed out my hand loosened up and I could breathe again. Somehow, I doubted that would be the case this time. My thoughts began to scatter in the weirdest directions. _We are one, you and I, we are like the earth and sky! One family under the sun! All the wisdom to lead, all the courage that you'll need… You will find when you see, we are one._

"Gum-Gum Axe!" A rubber foot slammed down on Arlong from behind, forcing him to let me go as he smashed face-first into the floor. Luffy stood in the doorway, eyes blazing. My captain growled as Arlong stood.

"You made Nami cry and want to hurt yourself, so I was always gonna kick your ass. Now… I don't know why, but Jones was trying to _help_ you. Couldn't you hear it in her voice? What kind of _asshole_ tries to kill someone who's _helping_ them?"

"Don Krieg," I croaked out, rubbing my sore throat. Luffy glanced my way, never taking his eyes fully off the fishman between us.

"Right. I forgot."

Snarling, Arlong swiped at Luffy with what looked like a devastating right hook. "Don't you dare compare me to that piece of trash! He's just an idiot who doesn't even care for his own men- the worst sort of human."

"I know. I already kicked his ass." Luffy ducked under the strike and snapped his forehead into Arlong's chin, stunning the shark long enough to get off a Gum-Gum Gatling.

Arlong responded by throwing Luffy into me, sending us both crashing into Nami's desk. Wood shattered; the bloody pen fell into my captain's lap. He stared at it for a second, then crushed it in his hand. Dark brown eyes glared at the shark, so much emotion behind them that I was surprised when no wave of Haoshoku Haki accompanied the look.

"This room… It's where you kept Nami, isn't it? Her cage… She won't be free as long as it's here." Luffy stood. His gaze never left Arlong as he spoke to me. "Jones… Destroy it. I'll handle Sharky."

"Aye-aye captain." I pressed my hand against the window. It shattered, the easiest focus break I'd ever done, as Luffy launched a kick that bent Arlong's nose. Glass showered outwards.

Without Arlong swinging his saw-blade sword around, destroying the room wasn't an easy thing. I was glad he hadn't thought to grab the huge weapon before coming after me. It was good training for dodging though; stray blows from my own captain and intentional ones from his opponent frequently came my way- especially once Arlong realized what I was doing with my little Swiss Army Knife. The tiny blade tore through paper even more easily than it sliced my flesh. Although… The tearing sounds made when I ripped the rolled maps and surveys in half by hand were much more satisfying than the shick, shick of my knife.

"You fools! Those maps are Nami's life!"

"Her old life!" Luffy snarled, "One she hates!" He slammed a fist into Arlong's solar plexus, firing the shark into a bookshelf. I happened to be working on that one at the moment; the force of Arlong's collision caused the weakened shelf to break and collapse.

The shark wasn't quite out yet. He rose to his feet one more time, kicking me into a wall. "You two… A witch and a boy, coming to steal _my_ navigator… You know nothing. Now die! Shark Tooth Drill!" Mouth open, Arlong charged Luffy, spinning.

Almost faster than I could follow, a rubber foot snapped up and down. "Gum-Gum Axe!" Blood spurted as his kick met tearing teeth.

Arlong was smashed through the floor with a tremendous crash- and through several more floors below that. The park shook. Cracks ran up the walls. I stared at them, wondering how much force Luffy had kicked with to transfer that much extra energy into the concrete. But I wasn't a physicist; I had no idea. A rubber hand grabbed mine, shaking me out of my stupor and dragging me through the halls as the building started to collapse.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Jones isn't rubber! What do I do?" Luffy yanked me out of the way of a falling piece of roof, looking around desperately. I shook my head.

"We need to get out." Or, well, I did. Luffy could survive a building dropping on his head.

"How? I can't find the door!"

I stared at my captain in disbelief. "You can punch through concrete, and I've got my focus breaks- _what makes you think we need a door_? All we need is to be low enough to survive the fall."

"Oh."

I dragged my captain down to the second floor, searching for an outside wall as we went. Concrete and dust rained down around us as we ran- it reminded me of home, actually, the smell. My parents poured concrete every summer, and I'd been helping for several years. But the familiarity was far from comforting. As soon as I saw a cracked area that I thought would lead out, I started trying to prepare my focus as I ran.

Luffy beat me to it, his fist snapping into the wall before I could place my hand. "Gum-Gum Pistol!" Concrete exploded outwards from the point of impact. My captain jumped out without giving me a chance to prepare, yanking me along with him.

"Tabarnak!" I'd never dropped from this far before, let alone without prep time. Although, since the building collapsed less than a second after Luffy and I leapt out, I suppose there wasn't really time anyway. I extended my body as I fell, bending my knees as soon as my feet felt ground beneath them. To disperse the momentum even further, I continued my collapse into a roll. Right shoulder to left hip, tumbling several times before I'd lost enough momentum to bounce to my feet. That roll saved me from brain damage or breaking any bones, but left me with a massive bruise across my back, accompanied by a wicked case of road rash. I _hated_ rolling on concrete.

"Oww…"

"Shishishi! Sorry Jones! You're not rubber though, so I couldn't let you get squished!" Luffy bounced to his feet. Climbing to the top of the rubble that had once been Arlong Park, he stared down at the citizens of Cocoyashi Village who'd been watching with baited breath.

"NAMI! YOU'RE ONE OF US NOW… ALRIGHT?"

While the villagers were getting ready for a party and Nami was getting her tattoo altered and removed, I led the majority of the crew- plus Johnny and Yosaku- to where I'd left my poisoned marines. None had escaped; in fact, most of them were sleeping when we arrived, having exhausted themselves trying to break out of their binds. Zoro whistled when he saw them, wincing as the movement pulled at one of his wounds.

"Jones… What did you do?"

"Poison gas- like what Krieg used, but stronger."

Ghin and Zoro both looked at me with disgust. Especially Zoro; my use of poison went against the usual warriors' code- although not, curiously enough, against the version of bushido I'd been taught. Self-control. Heroic courage. Honour. Integrity. Respect. Compassion. Honesty. Justice. And most importantly, loyalty. I wasn't the best at the first two- thinking of them made me wince again at how I'd fled from Arlong. Never again. As for honesty… I'd had to do away with that one long ago to protect myself. And while poisoning my foes may be dishonourable in all but a few cases, loyalty was before even honour. I would do _anything_ for my friends.

Sanji blew a smoke ring. "So… You captured a ship Miss Jones? What do you want us to do with it?" The cook noodled for a minute. Zoro rolled his eyes at Sanji's antics.

"We need to get the supplies to the _Going Merry_. It'll make things easier on us when we pass through Loguetown; there's a marine captain there who's particularly zealous about going after pirates, so we should spend as short a time there as possible."

Usopp nodded, rattling like a bobblehead. Ghin, over his disgust at my use of poison- or at least hiding it- stared at the man o'war with consideration. "And how are we supposed to do that? Carrying everything we need across the island would take forever."

"But we can sail this one around, bring it to the _Merry_. Then it won't take long to move things at all." I gestured towards the man o'war. Everyone else stared at the massive ship.

"Maybe…" Johnny and Yosaku cocked their heads to the side in unison. "There's only seven of us here- eight if we wait for Big Sis Nami to get back. But if we keep close to shore and don't mind scuttling it at the end, we might be able to get it around."

Their ability to speak with one voice was creepy. I thought only twins could do that. Zoro sighed and shook his head at the hopeless bounty hunters. "And what makes you two think you'd be any use on a ship like that? You can barely sail a dory."

"That's mean Big Bro!"

Shaking his head, Ghin raised an eyebrow in my direction. "What about that sea cow that pulled us here in the first place? Could it help us, haul this around to the harbour or something?"

"Mohmoo could," I agreed, "If I knew how to call him. It's just luck that he showed up when we were on our way here."

"Luck that you seemed to know about beforehand. What kind of witch are you? Can't even call your own familiar…"

"Okay, one," I rounded on Ghin with a glare, "Mohmoo's not my familiar- he belongs to a man named Hachi. And two, I'm not really a witch. It's just the best way to explain to people outside the crew how I know all the things I do."

The former Krieg pirate folded his arms. Behind Ghin, Sanji raised an eyebrow and blew more smoke rings. Both men stared at me. Ghin's voice was low and dangerous as he questioned me. "If you're not really a witch, how _do_ you know these things? We're on the crew; I think we deserve to know."

I looked at Luffy; he nodded. "Tell them Jones."

"Alright." I turned to Johnny and Yosaku. "Could you two leave for a bit? This isn't something I want people outside the crew to know about."

They glanced at each other. "Johnny… We're kind of pathetic, aren't we? Big Sis Jones isn't any better at fighting than we are, but she did this," Yosaku gestured to the unconscious marines, "And even taunted Arlong when he was fighting Big Bro Luffy."

"Yeah… We've never done anything like that." Johnny fiddled with his sunglasses. "I kind of get why Big Bro Zoro stopped hanging out with us."

Then, in unison, the hopeless bounty hunters knelt in front of Luffy and offered him the hilts of their swords. They spoke together again, creating a stereo effect. "Big Bro Luffy… We're ashamed of ourselves. If you'll have us, we'd like to travel with you and learn how to be _brave_ rather than just full of bravado."

My captain considered the offer, his face blank. "Do you mean it? This isn't a game; a pirate has to be prepared to die. These," Luffy patted the dadao, "Aren't toys or a way to look cool."

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other. "But… What about Big Sis Jones and Big Bro Usopp? They didn't look ready to die…"

Luffy made a face. "Usopp and I already talked; he's working on it, and his dream's bigger than his fear. And Jones is… special. We're working on getting her to _not_ try to die." Without warning, my captain grabbed my sleeves and rolled them up, displaying scars that were still pinkish and puffy rather than having faded to white. I growled and pulled away.

"Don't show people those!"

Zoro shook his head and clubbed Luffy-something I wanted to do, but couldn't bring myself to. Johnny, Yosaku, Ghin, and Sanji all stared at me. Our captain rubbed where Zoro had hit him with a pout. "Ne, Zoro, what was that for?"

"You shouldn't just go showing people _those_ scars without Jones' permission. It makes her uncomfortable."

"Oh. Sorry."

I shrank in on myself, cringing away from my captain. _No one_ was supposed to see my scars, even people who knew that I self-harmed. Even my karate friends- they knew there was something there from how much pain I was in during class one day, but they'd never _seen_ it. Yanking my sleeves back down, I edged over so Usopp was between me and Luffy. The rubber boy cringed; my avoidance was hardly subtle.

"Can we change the topic? _Please_?" My voice came out small and raspy.

Nodding, Luffy looked back at Johnny and Yosaku, who were still kneeling in front of him. "So… Do you mean it? Can you risk your life for your dreams and those of your friends? Do you two even _have_ a dream?"

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other. Then, for the first time in several minutes, they spoke out of sync. It started with Johnny, reaching up to touch the symbol tattooed on his left cheek. "I became a bounty hunter to see the world. My dad was a trader; when I was little, he came home every summer telling me about all the weird, wonderful places he'd seen. I wanted to see all those places and more- Dad only ever saw the North and East Blues. But after he died, Mom and I didn't have much money… I figured the best way to see everything I wanted was to become a bounty hunter." He sighed. "It never really turned out though."

Yosaku picked up immediately after his partner finished, further proof of how in tune the partners were. "Me… I got started looking for my Da. He disappeared when I was eight. I set out to find him after my Ma died. But I needed more money than I had, so I went after a few bounties. Met Johnny early on- or reunited with him I guess, we were childhood friends. We worked well together… But neither of us was good enough, could get a big enough bounty for a decent boat, better weapons, training… We've been at this for six years now, barely getting by- but don't tell anyone else that."

"Like the whole East Blue doesn't know already," Zoro snorted. Johnny and Yosaku squawked in unified indignance. Usopp snickered.

Luffy beamed, a smile that lit up the beach and drew you in, making you want to grin as well. "Those are great dreams! But can you fight for them? Like I said, this isn't a game-although it is fun!"

Once more, Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other. This time something flashed between them, speaking without words. Yosaku's eyes went from timid to hard as steel- Johnny was harder to read through his sunglasses, but I suspected that the same determination shone through his face. The pair turned back to Luffy and nodded. "If Big Sis Jones and Big Bro Usopp can, we can too!"

"Hey!" Usopp burst out, confused, "Not that I'm complaining, but why're you calling me Big Bro?"

Zoro thumped both ex-bounty hunters on the head before they could answer. "Don't question it. They're older than me too; pretty sure they're about Jones' age. The explanations they gave me don't make much sense, so just think of it as a term of respect."

Rubbing his nose, the sniper smiled in a way that was somehow both arrogant and uncertain, laced with a little guilt for good measure. Did he really think he was that hard to read? I'd have to teach the liar about deception, it seemed. "Well, _of course_ it's a term of respect! After all, I'm the great Usopp, Master Gunner of the Straw Hat Pirates!"

Well, that was fast. At this point in canon, he'd still called himself captain whenever he got the chance. He must've really loved the title I'd mentioned. Zoro shot me a familiar look, the one that said we would be having words later. What's different was that this time, Luffy was shooting me a similar one. Both expressions were gone after a moment, replaced with Luffy bouncing over to me and vibrating on the edge of my personal space. His desire to not make his crew uncomfortable was warring with his _very_ visible desire to jump on my back while giving me orders. Since that sort of behaviour was usually reserved for Zoro, Ace, and Sabo, I wasn't sure where this was going.

"Okay Jones, they're part of the crew now! You can tell everybody!"

"Indoor voice please Captain." I rubbed my ringing ears. Having Monkey D Luffy shout at you at point blank range was uncomfortable- not that I think he meant to shout, but _obnoxiously loud_ was his default setting.

"But we're outside right now! Why would I use my indoor voice?"

"You managed while talking to Johnny and Yosaku."

"Oh…" Luffy's face fell for a moment, before brightening like the rising sun. "But that was serious; this isn't!"

"How is my coming from another world and knowing all kinds of stuff about dozens and people and events we'll encounter over the next two years because this world was a series of comics where I come from _not_ serious?"

Silence fell, so thick Zoro could've cut it with _Wado Ichimonji_. Johnny, Yosaku, Ghin, and Sanji all stared; the cook's cigarette fell from his lips. Yosaku raised a hand. "I think it's pretty serious."

"Prove it," Ghin demanded, folding his arms. I shrugged.

"Okay. Johnny and Yosaku met Zoro when they claimed credit for a bounty he took down- he'd broken two of his swords at the time, so they didn't know who he was at first, but seeing him fight inspired them to keep going and defend others when they were down, out, and ready to give up on bounty hunting. Ghin, you dressed up as Don Krieg to lead the marines away from your crew after you'd managed to get your remaining ship out of the Grand Line; that's how Fullbody caught you." I looked at Sanji with a wince. Hopefully the cook wouldn't hate me. "Sanji… I'm pretty sure you'd prefer that anything I could say about your backstory remain private, so let's just say that I know your name stands for the third boy of four rather than three o'clock."

The cook nodded his stunned thanks even as the others looked at both of us with questions in their eyes. I turned my eyes to the ground, where they belonged; it was Luffy who faced the crew. "First rule of dealing with the weird things Jones knows: don't ask her about anyone's backgrounds without asking them first. Second rule: don't ask her for spoilers. She says she changes things just by being around anyway- or something like that."

"That's… Really smart." Ghin chuckled as he addressed the rubber boy. "I thought you were a bit of a blockhead, but you can read and everything, can't you?"

Luffy made a face. "Yeah, I can read- don't like to though, boring. Wait… Ghin can't read?"

The former Krieg pirate nodded, then shook his head, then just looked confused. "I- I don't know how to answer that. Yes or no?"

"Ghin can't read," I confirmed. "I can teach him if he'd like, though. Especially if he's willing to help me with training."

"Deal."

Zoro frowned. "Hold it- why him?"

I couldn't help the wry chuckle that escaped. "Sese… Zoro… I can't train with you, and you know it- otherwise you wouldn't have left me with Johnny and Yosaku til we got to the _Baratie_. You're high above my level and you don't remember how to build things up in stages for a beginner." I thought of Senpai Tom and Senpai Jeremy, the ones who'd taught me everything I knew about parkour. "I don't know how Ghin is as a teacher, and I know he's high above me too, but when I tried to fight him, he didn't use his tonfa. He took me unarmed, even though it wasn't his specialty, because he was able to judge my strength and make the appropriate decision. You, meanwhile, knew I was significantly weaker than you, injured, and a specialist in unarmed combat, but still chose to judge me using your sword."

My tone was perfectly flat- no accusation, just facts- but Zoro flinched as if I'd slapped him across the face with a two-tonne hammer. Huh, so he had some pride as a teacher as well as a swordsman. Interesting. That part of him had never come up in canon. Unless that was the side he showed to Chopper? The swordsman looked away. "I can see why you think fights with words are important- those were almost as sharp as my swords."

"Sorry."

Usopp flinched at the tension between me and Zoro. He attempted to diffuse the situation- although he was so awkward about it that what was supposed to be a joke came out flat and strange. "Heh, third rule about dealing with Jones: she apologizes all the time, so don't take advantage of her, kay?"

I looked up so everyone could see me roll my eyes. "You did that wrong. Let me handle the apologetic Canadian jokes, okay? If we even need any."

Of course, that opened a whole other can of worms. Johnny cocked his head to the side. "What's a Canadian?"

"Um… Me. Canada is… Let's just say it's the island where I was born." I didn't think trying to explain the political geography of the world I came from to people who couldn't even understand that of their own would work very well.

In the comics, the party after saving Cocoyashi village lasted three days. I'd hoped it wouldn't be that way in reality as well, but it was certainly shaping up that way. That meant torture for me- I hated parties. All those loud noises, all those people I didn't know… All drunk and dancing and pulling stupid stunts over kegs. And that was one thing that _didn't_ seem to be different between worlds. Not that I resented the villagers for celebrating- they deserved it, after all Arlong had put them through over the years. But I didn't want to be included.

I kept to myself on a cliff overlooking the sea- not the one with Bellemere's grave though. Genzo and Luffy would be there talking, and it was too close to the party. No, I'd managed to find a place where I could barely hear the music and singing. It was cold, but the solitude was nice, and as day faded into night it produced a remarkable view. Reminded me of home. I lost track of the hours as I traced unfamiliar constellations, wondering what they were.

"Lonely Jones?"

Ghin's voice made me jump. I half-turned to look at him. "Not enjoying the party?"

"I could ask you the same." The former Krieg pirate sat down beside me, tugging at the grass. "No one's seen you since it started- Yosaku said you grabbed some food, then left at a run. Usopp was worried."

"So they sent you to check I wasn't trying to off myself somewhere?" I couldn't help the tinge of resentment that crept into my voice. It was just like at home- my mother never trusted me to do _anything_ on my own, always had to nose into my life whether she was wanted or not. If my crew mates were going to start acting like that too, maybe I _should_ leave. Except I'd promised I wouldn't…

"No. Don Luffy trusts you to keep your promise. I came because I didn't think you'd want to be alone."

His arm moved as if to drape across my shoulder, although Ghin's face said he was no more comfortable with that than I was. I made things easy on him. "Touch me and die. I don't care if you're as strong as Sanji and Zoro- I'll find a way to make you pay."

Ghin paused for a moment, considering my words. "I'm sure you could. But… What is it with you and this obsession with strength and training? Aren't you one of them as fight with their minds?"

"That won't be enough for long." I shuddered. "Ghin… This world's so different from mine. My talents, the things I've spent years learning… They aren't enough anymore. Back home I was a freak, but at least I knew where I fit- geeky martial artist dreamer going nowhere in life. But here… I don't know where I fit, and it bothers me. _That_ 's why I need to gauge my strength, and increase it if I can."

"Well, that makes two of us then. I don't know where I fit on this crew yet either; pretty sure it ain't Combat Commander." Ghin frowned. "Jones… Why'd you call yourself a freak? You seem pretty normal to me. Except for all the weird future knowledge, that is."

"Normal by _this world's_ standards." A grim smile crossed my face. "My home was… different. Where I come from, a girl my size can't lift three hundred pounds on her own, let alone carry it over half an acre. And she _definitely_ doesn't heal from surgery in less than a week."

"And you've done both those things?"

"Yeah. Ever since I was eleven." I stared at a cloud as it passed over one of the moons. That was both strange and beautiful, seeing multiple large disks tracking across the night sky. "Other things too… I have a photographic memory, but only for things I get obsessed over- anything I don't like, I can't remember no matter how hard I work at it. Made some classes hard. I collect hobbies, because I can't let myself stop and think or I drown in bad thoughts. And I'm terrible at socializing, as you might've guessed."

Ghin laughed. "Because you alternate between putting yourself down and blurting out whatever comes to your mind?"

"And I don't tend to share a lot of interests with others. Comics for example; where I come from, reading comics wasn't something that an adult female did- forget that I didn't even _feel_ like an adult yet."

"Well, that's one good thing about coming here, ain't it Jones?" Ghin smiled. "No one cares if you don't wanna grow up- Don Luffy might even welcome it."

"Yeah, I guess." I put my hands behind me and leaned back, digging my fingers into the turf and tipping my head until I was staring at the forest behind me instead of the sky. I was momentarily tempted to tell Ghin my full name- why, I had no idea. It was gone quickly though.

"So… You collect hobbies? What does that even mean?"

I raised my head to shoot my companion a dirty look. "You don't need to stay and keep me company you know. I'm used to being alone."

Ghin didn't dignify that with a verbal response; he just stared and raised an eyebrow. Maybe he knew somehow that talking about unimportant things was one of the best ways to keep myself from thinking. Either that, or he was actually interested. No, that couldn't be it. My hobbies weren't something anyone else should be concerned with. I shook my head. "Things. Nothing you need to worry about."

"I'm not worried; I'm trying to get to know a new crew mate."

"Is that something Don Krieg's crew did? Wouldn't it be time-consuming, with that many men?"

"No, Krieg never encouraged things like that- especially not from his officers. Said getting to know a man hindered are judgement about how to use them in battle." A jagged grin spread across Ghin's face. "It's definitely something the Straw Hats seem to like though. Did you know Yosaku can go on for more than an hour and a half about crochet techniques? Or that Johnny knows every species of fish in the East Blue? Ach, what'm I talking about? _Of course_ you know."

"Actually, I don't. I only saw details that were important to the plot of the story- even the things I saw that didn't seem important probably will be someday, but there was precious little about anyone's hobbies. Especially Johnny and Yosaku. They… weren't exactly of major importance to the plot. They led Luffy to the _Baratie_ and helped out here, but they stayed behind. I have no idea how much them being on the crew might change."

"And me?" Ghin looked like he was trying not to appear curious. He was failing.

"You…" I winced. "You didn't join the crew either. Without me, you escaped on your own. Sanji fed you. After Luffy beat Krieg, you took the remains of the crew and promised to meet the Straw Hats on the Grand Line someday, then never showed up again."

"I see." Ghin chuckled. "Well, it's a relief to know you're not all-knowing. You just read a lot."

"All-knowing? As if. If enough things change fast enough, I'll be flying by the seat of my pants just as much as Luffy." I shrugged. "But eh, screw plot progression."

"And that attitude tells more about you than you probably want to let on, if anyone cares to look." Ghin glanced around, making sure no one else was close to us. "Personally though? I think you should keep up the witch act. Scare our opponents, keep them from knowing what's going on… No matter what you end up doing or not doing as far as strength and training, _that's_ your best bet."

Well, I _was_ a member of the Potterite generation. Pretending to be a witch couldn't be that hard. I nodded. "That I can do. After all, I know more about magic than any sensible girl would admit to. Memorized all my _Dungeons and Dragons_ books."

"Heh. I'll pretend I know what that means and assume it's a good thing."

"Eh." I waggled one hand. "In some circles yes, in some circles no."

Aside from my talk with Ghin, I spent most of the next three days guarding the defeated fishmen and trying to figure out what we should do with them. I was pretty sure that in canon they'd been picked up by the marines I'd poisoned, Captain Nezumi no longer able to turn a blind eye to Arlong in the face of the angry villagers. Since he was out of commission… Maybe we could use Johnny and Yosaku as proxies to hand in any bounties we defeated? It'd be a good way of getting money, at least until they got bounties themselves.

Hachi escaped very early in my guard duty. And by escaped, I mean I let him go. He was a nice guy, just misled by Arlong, and having him as a friend would make things easier for the crew at Sabaody and Fishman Island. Plus, Camie needed him. I wasn't about to deprive the poor ditzy mermaid of her best friend and protector. So when I was sure there was no one else around, I untied the octopus man and nudged him towards the sea with my foot.

"Go," I whispered. "Take Mohmoo and head back to Fishman Island. Start that takoyaki stand you've always dreamed about; maybe I'll come visit someday." Not that I'd ever tried takoyaki before, but as long as I couldn't see the tentacles, I'd give it a shot.

Large golden eyes blinked up at me. "Why? Not that I'm not grateful, but why would you let me go? After what we did to Nami, your crew has every right to hate us."

" _That's_ why. You're the only one who understands how wrong what you did was." I glanced over at Arlong, Chew, and Kuroobi, all of who were staring at me with fury. "Or maybe just the only one who cares. I bet you tried to help her, didn't you? Tried to make things easier when you could, kept Arlong away from her as much as possible, tried to make her laugh sometimes…"

Hachi nodded, standing and brushing away his bindings. Then, "What would you have me do? It's not like a human to do something nice for a fishman without expecting something in return- well, except Rayleigh."

"Like I said, go home. Take Mohmoo with you and start up a takoyaki stand; there's a mermaid named Camie who'll be a great helper if you can find her. All I want is your assurance that you'll never be involved with someone like Arlong again."

The octopus man laughed. "You really are a witch, aren't you? How else would you know about my old dream, or the name of a mermaid hundreds of kilometers away? But you're a good witch; I'm happy to do what you're asking. Come by any time, if you make it that far along the Grand Line. You and your crew will always be welcome… If you can convince Nami to come. Tell her I'm sorry, will you? I… You're right, I didn't like this."

"I'll tell her," I promised. Hachi nodded his gratitude and jumped into the sea channel, swimming out of Arlong Park and trumpeting for Mohmoo. I memorized the sound and rhythm to try and recreate later. We wouldn't be seeing the sea cow again for a while, but it might be useful to be able to call him when we _did_ get that far.

I turned back to guarding the rest of the fishmen, only to find a predatory gaze fixed on me. Arlong. I glared at a spot between his eyes and bared my teeth- not that the latter action was very impressive, especially given who I was glaring at, but it was instinct. Sometimes I wondered if I _was_ human; a lot of my instincts seemed more like a dog or a cat. But maybe that's just what comes of spending your whole life preferring animals to people. A soft growl rose from the back of my throat.

"You- witch. Your captain called you Jones. Why?"

"Because that's the part of my name I told him. Why? Can't stand a human witch sharing a name with your little racist protégé? Hodi Jones, right? Or was it spelled with a Y?" I spaced out briefly, considering. I'd switched websites around that point in the story, and the different scanlators spelled things different ways. Hodi/Hody was one I'd never bothered to check the official translation of.

My silence only seemed to anger the shark. Probably because he thought I was ignoring him. Arlong snarled and snapped at me, but he couldn't move. Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku had _all_ contributed to the fishmen's bindings; no one was going anywhere unless someone untied them. "You're far too cocky for some pathetic human witch! When I get out of this, I'm coming after you first, then your annoying little captain. Then I'll take Nami back."

"No. You won't." I sat on a broken chunk of concrete and pulled out my Swiss Army Knife. Splaying my left hand on a nearby piece of wood, I began a slow game of Five-Finger Fillet. Training; start slow, then build up over time until I could play the game at full speed. "Oh, I have all my fingers; the knife goes chop-chop-chop! If I miss the spaces in between, my fingers will come off."

Arlong watched the tiny, flashing blade. "You're going to kill me then?"

"Eh? No again." I put my knife down. Talking while playing Five-Finger Fillet wasn't a very good idea. "Like I told your rat Nezumi, there's only _maybe_ three people I could kill in cold blood. In the heat of battle, sure, but that's different. And as much as I hate you, you don't make the list."

"And who _does_ make the list, _choo_?" Kuroobi and Arlong both glared at their sniper as he spoke. Chew shrugged. "What? Call it morbid curiosity, _choo_."

I thought for a minute, then shrugged. Eh, who could it hurt for them to know? They hated the World Government and were indifferent or hostile to everyone else, so it wasn't like they'd warn anyone if they _did_ escape custody. "Marshall D Teach, Admiral Akainu, and a certain sadistic bastard flower. I say _maybe_ because I don't know if the flower counts as a person. It's complicated."

The three fishmen officers- and those of their mooks who were conscious- stared at me as if I was crazy. In their defense, I probably am. Kuroobi spoke slowly, his voice full of disbelief. "You want to kill… A flower? Did I hear that right?"

"Yep. A sadistic bastard of a flower that wants to eat the world. Like I said, it's complicated." I scowled at the fishmen. "Tabarnak, you guys are good. Trying to get me monologuing, are you? It won't help you escape; those knots are _brilliant_."

"She's right," Chew muttered. "Hachi might've been able to get out on his own, _choo_ , but no one else." Arlong growled at the sniper's revelation.

"You little witch! When I get out of here, I'll-!"

" _If_ you get out," I cut the shark off. "From what I've seen, you have a one-way ticket to Impel Down. And even if you did get out, what could you _possibly_ do to me? Kill my family? The closest thing I've got is the crew that just kicked your ass. Enslave my hometown? It's in a place you can never get to, separated not just by time, but by a nearly impenetrable construct known as the Fourth Wall. And even if you _could_ get there, you'd be so far out of your depth… It'd be like a salmon trying to fight an orca. Is that comparison maritime enough for you to understand?"

"You can't possibly believe that a bunch of puny humans could stand against me!"

"Aside from the fact that a bunch just did? People where I come from are generally weaker, it's true, but we're leaps and bounds ahead of what you'd expect with technology. Things that are military secrets, the domain of scientists like Vegepunk- those are commonplace where I was born. Or, you might end up facing a biologist. Did you know that if you hold a shark upside down long enough, it becomes paralyzed and eventually can't breathe? I don't know if that would work on you though…"

Arlong's scowl deepened. "I thought you said you weren't planning to kill me."

"I'm not. That hasn't changed." My hands needed something to do, so I picked up a chunk of concrete and started tossing it back and forth. "But that doesn't mean that I won't threaten you, that I won't make you bleed before we get rid of you. I _hate_ you Arlong, have since I was a child. Not because you're a fishman- I couldn't care one way or the other about that- but because what you did to Nami, your ideals… You remind me of a lesser version of the man who destroyed my great-grandmother's homeland. He killed anyone who was _different_ , anyone he thought was _less_ , and he convinced and coerced others to do the same. _Millions_ of people died."

My captive audience stared, but I didn't bother telling them a name- of the man, or of the country. History from my world wouldn't mean anything to them. I lapsed into angry silence; what I really wanted was to punch something, but I couldn't let the fishmen see how much this had affected me. Arlong was _just_ clever enough that he might find a chink in my armour if I did.

Not that my silence kept the shark from trying. "What if I offered you your own weight in gold to release us and join my crew? I'd even leave Nami in peace. You know so much _Jones_ ; you must know I never break a promise regarding money."

"But you exploit every loophole in it that you can. Your version of leaving Nami in peace is probably more like _rest in peace_ ; if you can't have her, you'd kill her." I raised a fist, flicking fingers up as I continued. "Aside from that, there are two major problems with your offer. One, I'm heavier than I look, so your calculations on how much gold would be needed are probably off. Two, I _don't care_ about money. That may be a hard concept for someone like you to grasp. So no, you can't buy me off."

Arlong grunted. "You're a clever witch, I'll give you that at least."

"Oh, shut up you sardine-brained, tin-hearted buffoon. I'm sick of your blatant attempts at bribery and propaganda." Shakespearean insults may sound awkward and out of place, but they're certainly therapeutic. Plus, they meant I always had endless ammunition when I got into a flame war.

"Make me."

"You shouldn't feed trolls," I warned Arlong as I went back to playing with my knife. "You might bite off more than you can chew. Especially since shark teeth aren't actually meant for chewing in the first place. More for tearing."

That left the fishman speechless. Good. If I'd spent much more time talking to him, I probably would've snapped. Although the idea of holding him upside down in the water to see if it would paralyze him appealed to me both as a scientist and as a writer. After all, isn't the writer's duty to ask "What if?"

We'd managed to salvage a lot of useful supplies from Nezumi's man o'war, despite having scuttled it near the _Going Merry_ because there weren't enough of us to sail it properly. Usopp and I had also manufactured a story for Nojiko should the marines blame the villagers for what happened: the pirates who had taken out Arlong and stolen all his treasure had also attacked Nezumi. It was even a true story, although the version we told Nojiko in case she had to testify or anything was slightly embellished. Personally, I thought the idea of an assassin with a Devil Fruit that made her incorporeal was less embarrassing for the marines than being defeated by _me_.

"What should we do with these?" Luffy asked as we were packing up. He poked Arlong in the head as he spoke, earning a growl from the fishman. The shark tried to bite my captain's finger, but Luffy pulled away too quickly.

"He's worth a decent bounty," I offered. "About twenty million beri or so."

Johnny and Yosaku nodded. "Yep. Highest bounty in the East Blue in the last twenty years," Yosaku began.

"What we could've done with a payday like _that_." Was Johnny drooling? "Good food, a new boat, maybe some decent navigation equipment from Loguetown…"

"We could hand them in for the bounty," I suggested. "Or at least, we could send Johnny and Yosaku to do it. They're known bounty hunters, so it wouldn't raise many suspicions. Actually… Zoro still is too. Better send him with them; more credible that _he_ could beat Arlong."

The santoryu swordsman grinned; his lesser brothers in arms squawked. Sanji lit a cigarette. "It _would_ be nice to pick up some things before heading to the Grand Line. These shitty marines had decent supplies, but they were East Blue standard. No log pose or anything."

"Plus, I need some new swords." Zoro patted _Wado Ichimonji_. "Feel naked with just one." So the decision was made to keep Arlong and friends in the storage hold until we could hand them in at Loguetown. Unfortunately, that meant I'd have to find a different place to sleep for a little while.

It was early in the day- not even quite dawn yet- so we had some time before Nami showed up. _If_ she showed up. I knew I made her uncomfortable; would that be enough to make her stay home? But her dream was to draw a map of the world… And maybe now that Arlong was out of commission, she'd trust me a bit.

Shrugging, I turned to Usopp. "Could I borrow a pen and some paper?"

"Sure!" The sniper dug what I'd requested out of his brown messenger bag. "What for?"

"Sketches. There's some people in Loguetown we need to watch out for; I'm gonna draw them so everyone has an idea who to avoid." Let's see… Smoker and Tashigi, if possible. They might be hard to stay away from though. Buggy, Alvida, and company for Usopp, Sanji, Ghin, Johnny, and Yosaku. Should I tell Luffy about his father? Dragon wasn't a person to avoid, but at least if I mentioned him, people might not be so shocked when Garp blurted it out in Water Seven. And Bartolomeo… I was almost tempted to seek him out, were it not for the fact that he'd only become friendly after Luffy was hit by lightning. Drawing all these would keep me occupied for several days. Good. Although… I didn't know how long we had until we got to Loguetown. Best get started right away.

The villagers gathered on the shore as I was blocking out the shapes of Smoker's face. I was trying to rough out his hairline when Nami appeared on top of a hill. She had a smile in her face, the first one I'd seen on her since coming to this world. "Set sail!"

"What?" Johnny was so surprised, he nearly fell overboard. Yosaku grabbed him by the collar of his jacket to keep him upright. Usopp wasn't much better, tumbling out of the rigging and landing on his ass. Good thing he wasn't very high up.

Luffy grinned. "Shishishi! What're you waiting for? Set sail!"

"But… why… Nami!" Sanji was both scowling and noodling, his confusion tearing him between doing what the navigator said and not wanting to leave her behind. Luffy just giggled more.

"Saa, don't worry Sanji, she's coming. But she's gotta leave how she wants!"

I was already in the process of unfurling the sails, having expected this. The men joined me soon after. The _Going Merry_ began to edge away from the dock, steered by her cook's deft hands. And just as I'd seen years before, Nami came tearing down the hill at a full run. She wove in between the villagers, her friends since she was a child, bumping into people and stammering out hasty goodbyes. Genzo and Nojiko shouted for her to slow down, to let them see her off properly. The navigator didn't listen.

Feminine sandals clattered across the dock; the redhead launched herself into the air. And then I was treated to a sight I'd thought impossible: Nami managed to tack off the side of the ship and vault over the rail while wearing _high heels_. I wondered how she managed to get a decent grip with those shoes, how she could balance, run, and jump. Then I decided I didn't want to know; it's not like I would ever be caught dead in heels anyway.

"Bye everyone!" Nami turned to wave at her hometown. All the villagers waved back, shouting good wishes- at least, until their wallets and belt pouches started tumbling out of Nami's shirt. Cool; hammerspace. Then the air was filled with shocked, indignant voices.

"Hey- she took my wallet!"

"Mine too!"

"My change is gone!"

Onshore, Nojiko started laughing. Nami beamed. "Pirate!"

As we continued to sail away, I approached Nami hesitantly. "Hachi says he's sorry," I offered. "He never wanted to hurt you."

The navigator shot me a cold look. "Did he tell you that when he escaped?"

"Yes."

Sighing, Nami ran a hand through her hair. "I can't believe he got away on your watch. Seriously, all you know and you didn't think he'd try anything? Although… He wasn't a bad one. He tried to keep Arlong and the others away sometimes, patched me up when they hurt me… I guess it could be worse. He probably doesn't deserve to be locked up with the others."

"Definitely doesn't," I confirmed, "Just trust me on this. So… Am I tolerable now, since you know I'm not lying and your secret's out in the open?"

Nami smiled, moved as if to hug me, then remembered at the last moment that I don't like to be touched. "I'd say you're a lot more than tolerable Jones. We're not supposed to ask for spoilers, but still… I bet you know where to find all kinds of treasure and interesting trinkets. Plus, it'll be nice to have someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, another girl. These men are the type who mean well, but are all blockheads."

"High WIS, low INT characters," I agreed. Nami chuckled, shooting me a look that said she'd pretend she understood what I meant.

"So… When we're in Loguetown Jones, how about a little shopping spree? I _know_ you don't have any other clothes, unless you kept the waiter uniform you were using at the _Baratie_."

"Nope. But I don't have any money, and there's a lot of things I want to get that're more important than clothes."

"Like?"

"Rope, duct tape, a den-den mushi… Actually, I should make shopping lists for everyone, things to look for while we're there. There's a lot of stuff that could make the early part of our journey go more smoothly if we can get it."

"Are you sure you're a girl?" Nami wondered. "You sound more like Usopp than anything else- although I admit, his status as a man is sometimes questionable."

"Biologically speaking, I'm a hundred percent female. Anything else is… complicated for me, and I'd rather not talk about it."

"You need to eventually. If it affects the safety and dynamics of the crew, I mean. Not that I want to pressure you or anything."

"Sesehihihihi!" I couldn't help it; I laughed until my eyes started to water. Wiping them on the back of my sleeve, I leaned on the rail for support. "Oh Nami… It's a sad day in the East Blue when you and Zoro agree on something. Although I suppose he was talking about my depression, not my sexuality."

Nami shrugged. "Well… They aren't mutually exclusive, are they? Trouble with your sexuality might contribute to your other issues. And it's not fair that you know so much about us, but we hardly know anything about you. I still don't buy that Jones is your real name. Or at least, not the whole thing."

"It's not." The wind picked up, blowing at our hair. I smiled as Nami spat out orange strands; mine may have been longer, but a tight ponytail kept it from getting anywhere near my mouth. "I think… You more than anyone understand why a girl might not want to tell people everything at first. But my name isn't dangerous or anything- although it might be linked to some of my issues. I just don't like it; never have."

The navigator looked at me expectantly. Merde, she expected me to tell her, didn't she? Well… It would make a good show of trust, mend any ties I'd damaged by freaking her out about Arlong before. "Fine, but don't tell anyone. I don't want anyone using it, or gods forbid, the most obvious nickname."

"Not a word, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye."

Okay… That was something I'd wonder about later- such an odd oath from the redheaded navigator. I'd expected things like that from Chopper. A deep breath gave me the moment I needed to figure out how my name would be ordered in the East Blue. Some parts of the _One Piece_ world seemed to use Western orders, but here…

"Jones F Kayla. The F stands for Faye- magic is literally my middle name."

Nami nodded. "It's fitting, for someone who claims to be a witch. I heard what you said to Arlong during the fight. Why don't you like it?"

"Just isn't _me_." I traced the grain of the rail with my finger. Swirly, swirly, almost hypnotic… "And you _know_ I'm not a witch; I just come from a different world. Although Ghin says I should keep pretending to our enemies to freak them out."

"It's a good idea. But does being from another world mean you can't be a witch too? Being from Cocoyashi Village doesn't mean I can't be a navigator."

"Point." I inclined my head respectfully. Nami knew just enough about logical fallacies to keep me on my toes; I had to thank her for that. Otherwise I might forget that I wasn't always the smartest in the room- something I had problems with even on down days. Reading as much as I did can do that to people, especially people who can remember most of what they read fairly easily.

In the ensuing silence, my companion pulled several large pots from… somewhere. These were followed by a couple sacks of soil and a jar full of citrus seeds and damp paper. Patting around… _wherever_ she'd gotten the pots, Nami sighed. "Of all things, to forget a trowel…"

Huh. And I'd thought she'd bring the tangerines on board fully grown. Well, this way _was_ much easier. "Can't you just use your hands? That's what I always do."

"You garden?" Nami looked at me with surprise. I nodded.

"Lemons, aloes, pumpkins, and spinach mostly. Not that the aloes are hard; I swear you'd have to actively _try_ to kill one. My mom grows carrots, onions, tomatoes, potatoes, beans, peas, apples, rhubarb…" Mm, rhubarb. I wondered if I could find any in Loguetown, to start a patch of my own on the ship. It was even easier to grow than aloe.

The navigator looked pleasantly surprised. "Well, tangerines probably aren't that different from lemons. And scooping soil with my hands isn't a problem, but without a trowel I have nothing to cut the sacks open. I never got the hang of doing _that_ with just my fingernails, although Nojiko's pretty good at it."

"Oh. Well, in that case…" I pulled out my Swiss Army Knife and sliced the sacks open. "There you go."

"Thanks Jones." Crouching, Nami began scooping dirt into the pots. Then, "You can help me if you want. It'll go faster with two."

"Sure." I buried my fingers in the warm soil. It was soft and damp- perfect. And we'd definitely have lots of seaweed to fertilize the plants with. Now I just needed to figure out how to protect them on Drum Island. Even the toughest citrus didn't do well in the cold, and I was pretty sure that the only reason Oda hadn't drawn them some protection was that they weren't important to the plot at the time. Or maybe he'd legitimately forgotten… Nah. Oda never forgets.


	4. Soliloquy

**Soliloquy: In a play, a monologue delivered by a character alone onstage that reveals thoughts, emotions, or other information the audience needs to know.**

 **Or in this case, the chapter inn which the author delivers the first turn of the mindscrew. Behold, the logical conclusion of sticking an overly analytical English major into a story.**

 **Mercimek: I write good? Really? I consider my writing more chaotic neutral, but I guess alignment is in the eye of the beholder.**

 **MehhHehh: Aww, thank you. ^_^**

 **Gerbilfriend: In that case, I hope you like seeing more Jones vs Arlong dialogue in this chapter. Hopefully Jones talking so much doesn't get old.**

 **Radioactive-Pingu: Interested to see Jones with Barto and Dragon, eh? Heh. Next chapter. And it didn't go how I expected, so I'm curious to see what you think. As for the rest... Thank you so much. Really? You think it's that good? I'm flattered. I guess we'll see as this goes on.**

 **Xipholynx: All the effort I put in to make this story unique? Thank you. I hope you still enjoy it after this chapter; as far as I can tell, I took a couple of risks in my pursuit of uniqueness.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you! And yeah, you've gotta pay close attention to some things as far as the ripples go. I'm trying to emulate Sensei Oda in the whole never-forgetting-even-seemingly-insignificant-details thing. It's harder than he makes it look.**

 _I was tumbling, floating through silver clouds. No one was visible, but all around me I could hear whispers. The voices were too far away for me to make out any words, or even if I recognized any of them. Spreading my arms, I flapped like a bird. It seemed the only sensible thig to do. My tumbling turned into level flight. But how was I to know which way to go in this dancing mist? I couldn't find the voices or any landmarks, so I just revelled in the joy of flight._

… _Beep…_

 _Thousands of people in an endless room, dressed in gi and kimono and ancient armour. Most were old Asian men; I felt distinctly out of place- even more so when I realized that all those wearing gi had the black, red, and white patterned belts of the highest ranks. The men were discussing something, but I couldn't hear their words. At least, not until one of them turned to look directly at me. "Maybe… We'll see."_

… _Beep…_

 _I was staring at the comments on my latest fanfiction, tears stinging my eyes. What had I done to earn this level of verbal abuse? All I wanted was to write stories that would make people laugh, stories that would let me escape my own feelings for a little while. I leaned over and buried my face in the fluffy mane of my white dragon- five-toed, a Chinese Imperial. He was the only one I could let see me cry; he didn't judge._

… _Beep…_

 _Hack writer…_

… _Beep…_

 _It's all dreck…_

… _Beep…_

 _Can't you even spell? It's Gin, not Ghin! I bet you're the sort of weeaboo who writes it Eneru and Zolo too…_

… _Beep…_

X

I woke up gasping. Weird nightmares swam just beyond the edges of my memory; trolls taunting me about my fanfiction while monsters burned my original stories and trashed my home. Cruelty and pain… All I'd ever wanted was to write stories that would be remembered, that would make people smile even after I was long gone. Fantasy is escapist, and that is its glory… all that jazz. It was why I'd taken the art half of my degree in English instead of something my family considered useful, like anthropology or history.

The blackness above me glittered; I groped around for my glasses and tried to orient myself. Right, with the fishmen imprisoned in our cargo hold, I'd slept up on deck. It was warm enough for it. Several moons shone above me in different phases. I breathed a sigh of relief. _One Piece_ world, not some terrible amalgamation of reality and monsters. No trolls were after me about my fanfictions, internet-type or other… OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

My panicked mind took stock of the whole situation, starting with my realization of a few days ago- that I had a number of Mary Sue tendencies. Fan of _One Piece_ removed from Earth… Future knowledge… Fanfiction writer… Nami saying something out of character yesterday… And knowing my own personality and writing style as I did… I glared off into space, wondering which direction the Fourth Wall was in. Just because I couldn't see it didn't mean I didn't know it was there.

"You sadistic _bitch_ ," I hissed into the blackness. Shocked and angry as I was, I still didn't want to wake the rest of the crew. It would only lead to awkward questions. I mean, what was I supposed to say? _Sorry for waking everyone, I just realized I'm a self-insert fanfic character written by some alternate universe version of myself as a method of escapism and therapy_.

A chill ran through the warm air; pretty sure that was the author letting me know that she wasn't happy I'd figured this out. I rolled my eyes, knowing she could see it; she was writing this scene, after all. But I also knew she was _me_ , that she preferred to let her characters develop as they will even when they started doing things she didn't like. Especially then, actually; sometimes it leads to interesting plot twists.

"Come on! You didn't seriously think I wouldn't figure this out, did you? I'm you; I know how you write, how you think about the world. I spent just as much time learning literary analysis as you did!"

No answer. Other me could've communicated with me if she wanted- a disembodied voice, words appearing in the woodwork, _anything_. She didn't want. Probably hoped that if she left me alone long enough, I'd forget this revelation and go back to sleep. Maybe I'd believe it was a dream; that's how I would've written it. Probably. But that option wasn't on the table, not this time.

"You can be silent all you want! I know you're there! And I won't be forgetting about this; you can bet your feather collection on it. I'd say you could bet your bottom dollar, but we both know you're a university student living with her grandmother, and thus broke. Probably wishing you'd turned in those forms for your TA position on time _now_ , aren't you?"

Still no answer. I folded my arms and stared up at the sky. "It makes a lot of sense you know- especially with Nami making a Pinkie Promise. Little bit out of character there, by the way. I wouldn't have batted an eye at Chopper saying that, but Nami was suspicious."

I reached one hand up to touch my face, still raw from repeated chemical burns. It was probably going to scar. The scabs itched; seconds later, my fingers came away bloody. Screw probably; I couldn't leave a wound alone to save my life. This was _definitely_ going to scar. "And seriously? I know we like to torture our favourite characters when we're feeling down, but this? Couldn't you have taken two minutes to Google a less dangerous way for me to fight through poison gas? Twice! But no, you're probably trying to make it realistic and only use knowledge you have on hand, despite the fact that I'm already an unrealistic freak!"

When exactly _had_ my story split off though? And how many changes had other me made to my character? Well… The split had probably been just before the failed suicide that brought me here. I liked to start my stories off with a bang. What had really happened that day was probably similar to a point; other me was having a down day, something her classmates did made her feel worse, feel like cutting. But instead of going out into the bush and trying to end it, she sat down in front of her computer and started pouring all her emotions out into her keyboard. As for character changes… If the flashbacks I remembered having on my way home from school were based on real events, I probably wasn't _really_ that different than other me. That… that hurt, actually. To be accused of writing a Mary Sue when you were just writing yourself in character…

"I'm sorry, I guess. I shouldn't have called myself a Sue; that was uncalled for."

The air grew warmer, but that was all the answer I received. So she was gonna do this the hard way, eh? "You don't wanna talk? Fine. But you better be a fair DM; I may be crazy, but I won't put up with any bullshit shenanigans, and I _know_ we're bad for pulling those. I remember the horde of avenging angels we sicced on our last group."

Placing my glasses back on the edge of one of the tangerine pots, I lay back down and closed my eyes. "I'm gonna go back to sleep now, but don't you dare write that this was a dream, or give me amnesia or any of that crap. This is my story now too; or, I guess it always was, really. Where's the fun in being an insane Canadian who can analyze their surroundings until they realize they're in a fanfiction if you can't go all Deadpool on everybody?"

My body grew heavy with sleep; colours danced on the back of my eyelids. Right before I drifted off, I thought of something else. "And the way you had Johnny and Yosaku join the crew was a bit forced. Not as bad as it could've gone, I guess, but if you try something like that again, I'm calling shenanigans."

X

When I woke again, it was to someone shaking me. I opened my eyes to see the blurry form of Sanji towering over me. I scrambled for my glasses, which also conveniently took me away from the intrusion on my personal space. "Don't touch me!"

"Sorry Miss Jones!" Sanji jumped back, alarmed. "I had no idea you had a problem with it. Is- is it because of the marks the shitty captain showed us?"

"No. It's… something else. I just don't like people I don't know touching me, okay? Once I start initiating hugs and things with crew members, then it's okay to touch me. Not before."

"Of course Miss Jones!" Sanji danced like a noodle. Were his bones made of something different than people from my world? I rolled my eyes.

"Stop calling me that. It's just Jones."

"But that's not a very feminine name for a lovely lady!"

"Lovely lady?" I snorted. "Do you not _see_ the chemical burns all over my face? With scars in between from picking at my acne? Tabarnak… I'm the least ladylike girl I know, and I definitely ain't lovely. Sure as Hell don't need a feminine name that don't match."

"Every lady is a beauty in her own way, and no amount of scarring or changing your speech will change that. I know you don't usually drawl."

I shrugged. "True. Spent too much time giving presentations; got used to making myself understood. Plus, one of my friends made up a language when we were little that requires ridiculous precision of speech to master. Seriously though; stop calling me Miss. It's just Jones. Having boobs doesn't mean I'm a lady."

"But-!"

"And don't flirt with me," I interrupted. The last thing I needed was to get in an argument with the Love Cook over what did or didn't make a lady.

"Miss Jones, I thought we'd been over than already. I'm _not_ too young for you."

"And it wouldn't bother you if you were; you flirt with every humanoid female under the age of fifty- and some who're over, if they're still decent looking. That was mostly an excuse…" I sighed, wiping dirt off my glasses. They'd fallen into the pot during the night; damp earth clung to them. "I just can't… You look like a _younger version of my father_. I wasn't expecting that when I came here- this was a _comic_ to me, I had no idea what people would look like when swapped into reality. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is, having someone who looks like my father flirt with me?" Seriously, what was other me _thinking_ that led her to the conclusion that Sanji should be played by the 1988 version of my dad?

"Oh- _oh_. I'm sorry Mi- Jones. I had no idea." Sanji dropped his cigarette in surprise as understanding washed over his face. I stomped it out and chucked it over the side. No point letting something like that damage the _Merry_ , not when she was gonna go through enough on our way to Water Seven already.

"It's fine. You couldn't have known. Just… Whenever you feel the need to go all noodle-y around me, imagine I was Reiju or something. I know I'm not pretty enough to look like her, but…"

"I understand." The cook nodded and looked around. "Still… You shouldn't sleep out here Jones. You could get sick."

"From this? Please. I'm Canadian; we bathe in ice water as a national sport." One that I'd never participated in, but still. "This is practically tropical."

Sanji's visible eye rolled; I assume the hidden one did too, but I couldn't see, so… The cook looked up at the sky, amber clouds streaked purple with the dawn's first light. "At least come into the galley now. You can have something warm to drink while I make breakfast. Coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate?"

I yawned as I followed Sanji into his sacred domain. "You make hot chocolate with milk or water?"

"Milk, of course." Sanji sniffed. "No chef worth his salt would use water for _that_ if he had another option."

"Good. Cafeteria at school did it with water; was nasty. Can I have it with marshmallows and peppermint?"

"Are you sure you're twenty-three? That sounds more like what a twelve-year-old would ask for."

"Well… Would you rather I asked for a double-double plus maple syrup and Bailey's? That's pretty good too, but I don't think this crew's ready for me on a caffeine high yet. Best start people with a sugar rush."

I flopped down at the table and pulled out some paper. Sanji stared at me out of the corner of his eye as he made hot chocolate and heated up the oven. "Jones… Are you insane? I don't mean to be rude; I'm just wondering cause you flip back and forth between tones and emotions like a fish with a severed spine."

"Ooh, nice simile. I might use that someday." I smiled and worked on sketching Tashigi's glasses. "As for whether I'm insane… I'm gonna say probably. Most crazy people don't think they're crazy, but I've seen what would probably be considered irrevocable proof."

Sanji's hot chocolate was the best I'd ever tasted, even with the cook shaking his head at me. Eh, he'd get over it. Breaking the Fourth Wall, world walking, and future knowledge were _nothing_ compared to the levels of insanity we'd be encountering on the Grand Line. And at least he wouldn't be flirting with me anymore, so I counted that as a win.

I finished my Tashigi sketch as the rest of the crew were coming in for breakfast. Luffy squawked and leapt onto Zoro's back. "Sanji! You're not supposed to let Jones in the galley!"

"What?" Sanji looked from the rubber boy to me. "Whaddya mean, shitty captain?"

Nami slid in beside me, grabbing a plate and starting to eat before our illustrious captain could get over his shock and climb down from Zoro's shoulders. "Jones can't cook. Or, well, not anything most people would consider _edible_ anyway. She nearly burned our throats out with ginger, so Luffy ordered her out of the kitchen- permanently."

"Oh."

"Don't worry; it didn't go to waste. I can eat my own cooking no problem, no matter what other people think of it. As for the rest of you…" I scowled at everyone who'd been around for my ramen. "One time does not a running gag or character flaw make. Drop it."

Luffy stuck out his tongue at me. "Never!"

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about it. Jones won't be cooking as long as I'm around; _no one_ will, unless I give them permission first. That clear?"

Everyone nodded; the cook huffed and lit a fresh cigarette. "Good."

The chaos of breakfast began in earnest then. I gave up on my sketching for the time being- even if Luffy no longer attacked _my_ plate, I could ill afford important pictures like that to get stained by flying food. But there was another thing I could work on where stains wouldn't matter as much, as long as everything was legible. Since this document was pretty spoilerific, I wrote it in the Drangor words and runes my friend had invented, rather than English. I'd never have heard the end of it if Luffy had seen me scribbling the names of confirmed and possible crew mates- and their talents- in an alphabet he could read.

Of course, I think I got a couple of the letters mixed up. There are fifty-two of them- phonetic alphabet- and a lot of them look the same. I tend to get the signs for Y- as in yellow- and NG- as in helping\- confused sometimes. But since the person who _made_ the language wasn't there with me, it didn't matter.

Despite being written in said incomprehensible text, it was clear that I was writing _something_. Zoro picked up on this quickly, eying my paper with interest. "What's that Jones?"

"Is my name a form of punctuation when talking to me or something?" I raised an eyebrow at Zoro. He shrugged and nodded towards the paper. I sighed.

"Fine. This is a chart of people who _will_ join the crew, people who _might_ join the crew, and people who we'll encounter and are unlikely to join the crew, but knowing the kind of weird-ass ideas this world works on, there's still a possibility. I'm including their skills both in and out of battle. And don't worry," I glanced at Luffy, "I'm doing it in a language that no one else in the world can read."

"Okay…" Zoro squinted at the page, then shrugged. "Why though? You said you knew a couple years of the story; it could be ages before we meet these people. Do you really need this list? Especially if it's stuff you know already."

"Well, charts help me compare things, help me order my thoughts. Writing down the names reminds me of everything associated with them, which is more effective than trying to keep everything in my head while making a decision."

"What kind of decision? I'm pretty sure Luffy has final say in who joins the crew."

I shook my head. "No, nothing like that. I'm trying to figure out where I fit- party balance is important. For example… Right now, you have two monks, a samurai, three fighters, a ranger, and a rogue. That won't last forever; Nami's gonna multiclass about the same time as we get a druid- middle of an escort quest. Although I don't know if she's multiclassing as a wizard or a cleric- wizard more likely, but you never know. Now… My base class is monk, but I also have the skillset to advance as a witch or herbalist- _maybe_ a sorcerer if I find a decent Devil Fruit, but that's not very likely."

Zoro shook his head; his eyes were spinning. Interesting; I didn't know anything could get that sort of reaction out of the swordsman. "That… that was English, but I didn't understand any of it. I knew all the words, but you put them together in a way that didn't make sense. Is that a new technique you're working on? Distract the enemy and make their head ache in the middle of battle?"

"No… Although there might be some times when it's useful, so I won't write it off." I continued my list, almost at the timeskip now. "Let's just put it this way- everyone on the crew has their own specialties both in and out of battle. I'm a jack-of-trades, so I'm trying to figure out where I'm most needed so I can hone those particular skills."

"Ah. _That_ makes sense, at least. You're coming up with a training plan then."

"Eventually, yes."

Sanji glared at us. "Oi Moss Head, the table's for eating, not for paperwork. Do that crap on your own time."

"It's not mine Swirly Brow, it's Jones'."

"As if an angel like Jones would disrupt breakfast in such a way."

I growled in the back of my throat. "Sanji… What did we _just discuss_ about flirting?"

"Sorry Jones…" The cook drooped. I rolled my eyes and went back to work.

Swallowing a larger-than-humanly-possible mouthful of scrambled eggs, Luffy looked over at my chart. "I can't read that and I don't understand what Jones talks about either, but does it have to do with Usopp calling himself a master gunner instead of trying to be captain? That's nice; thanks."

"Master gunner?" Nami played with her fork. "What does that mean?"

I folded up my chart and put it in my pocket. I'd finish it later, when there would be fewer questions. The Straw Hats were a lot nosier than I'd expected; I blamed Ghin and his desire to ask about everyone's hobbies. "Nautical term; it doesn't actually have any bearing on what I was doing. Where I come from, there were certain titles common among pirate crews. "Master gunner" was the officer in charge of ranged combat- everything from a slingshot to a cannon."

While no one else really cared, my explanation captured the rubber captain's curiosity. He bounced in his seat. "Tell me more! Tell me everything! I want stories about the pirates from your world! It's only fair, since you know so many stories about ours!"

"I guess… Well, depending on where they came from, pirates in my world had a number of ways of organizing themselves. The term master gunner was part of the British compliment of officers- captain, quartermaster, sailing master, boatswain or bosun, carpenter, surgeon, master gunner, rigger, cabin boy, and powder monkey. The quartermaster was in charge of supplies and public relations; the sailing master figured out how to get where they were going; the boatswain did conflict resolution among the crew; the rest… I think they're pretty self-evident. Anyone who wasn't an officer was labelled as a seaman."

Luffy made a face. "I said tell me a story, not spew lots of big words. Story! Story!"

"Okay Captain, calm down." I smiled. I knew exactly which story would appeal most to Luffy- and it just happened to be my favourite pirate story as well. "I'll tell you the story that I personally think was what inspired Oda to write _One Piece_ \- the comic that I read about this world in. And don't worry; there's no spoilers."

X

 _Long ago in an ocean far, far away, there was a man named Olivier Levasseur. He was the younger son of a French noble- well educated, but with little hope of any inheritance. For most young men of the time this would have meant heading into a life in the military, an officer's commission, and eventually marriage to a daughter of lesser nobility or a wealthy merchant._

 _But Levasseur wasn't content with that lot in life- his old tutor had raised him on tales of heroes and myths from classical times. He was particularly fond of the tales of Heracles, a man of godlike strength. So instead of heading for the military once he came of age, Levasseur spent his allowance on a ship and hiring a crew. They set out to sea as pirates, harassing Spanish ships around the Mediterranean and the coasts of Africa._

 _Now, Olivier Levasseur was neither the strongest nor the most feared of pirates, nor did he have the largest crew. What he_ was _was very brave- which often got him into trouble his crew couldn't properly fight their way out of. But Levasseur and his men never ran; they were fierce as the sea itself and had the luck of angels on their side. Their captain lost his eye in one fight and his foot in another, but the crew still followed him and fought on. His enemies called Levasseur_ La Buze _\- the buzzard- for his habit of striking swiftly and without warning like a bird of prey._

 _For all his intelligence and ferocity though, Levasseur could never have done what he did with only the men on his ship. But the young Frenchman was charismatic too. He had many allies among the other pirates of the day- Calico Jack Rackham, Anne Bonnie, Mary Read, Thomas Jones, and many more. Somehow one of these allies was near whenever Levasseur got himself in trouble that his own crew wasn't enough to get him out of, much to the consternation of those hunting him._

 _Eventually the young pirate got himself enough gold to buy an island in the Seychelles, and to build an estate if he wished. But Levasseur loved the sea far more than he could ever love an island- even one he claimed as his own. He'd set out to sea for the adventure, not the gold. So he continued to raid even after he'd gained more than enough for a comfortable life, and his men continued to follow him._

 _One day, Levasseur and one of his closest allies led a joint raid on a huge Spanish ship, one that carried special artifacts bound for the Pope and the Vatican. This included a beautiful emerald cross, valued at several hundred million dollars. That raid was his last gamble._

 _With the theft of the emerald cross, the navies of several countries were after Levasseur with a vengeance. He was able to run and hide for a while, striking in small ways but never again taking a large prize. And eventually his luck ran out. One day a man o'war came upon him when his allies were too far away to help. Levasseur was captured and taken away for execution._

 _He stood proud on the stand, a French nobleman to the very end. As the hangman prepared his noose, Levasseur threw a piece of paper into the crowd. On it was a coded message, written in Masonic symbols and purposefully misspelled French. When the hangman asked for his last words, Levasseur laughed. His voice rang out over the square._

 _"Find my treasure, ye who can understand my words!"_

 _The rope stretched; his neck snapped. People began the search for Levasseur's treasure, hoping to recover the emerald cross, but none paid any attention to the cryptogram he'd thrown to the ground. Eventually the search was abandoned; the men of the navies believed Levasseur had broken the cross up to sell the gold and gems, and so moved on. And for over two hundred years, the treasure was all but forgotten._

 _The search resumed when a little old lady found the message while searching through her grandfather's desk. But though she translated the code, nothing became any easier. The message was a series of clues, based on the constellations of the zodiac and the labours of Heracles. Twelve clues to lead a seeker to the treasure. But though the first eleven clues were found fairly quickly, the twelfth has never been to this day._

 _And we know for certain that the treasure was never taken and sold by one of Levasseur's surviving allies or crew, for the emerald cross has never turned up in any collection or market, nor have any of its distinctive component parts._

X

I watched Luffy as I finished the tale, watched as his eyes began to glow with whatever bioluminescence the people of this world possessed. I was fairly certain that the pirate king Gol D Roger was based on Olivier Levasseur, and the One Piece might very well be based on the emerald cross- even the road poneglyphs were sort of like Levasseur's cryptogram. Which raised some other interesting questions- like, did that make Whitebeard the Calico Jack Rackham of this world? I know he was supposed to be one of the characters based on Edward Teach, but just from the relationship Newgate and Roger had shared, he seemed a lot more like Calico Jack…

Even Nami seemed excited by the story- probably at the idea of finding lost riches on some lost island. "Jones… How much of that story's true?"

I shrugged. "Levasseur existed, he really did leave a cryptogram and steal the emerald cross, and his treasure was never found. Most of the rest is probably true as well, but I read that story more than ten years ago; some things might be a little fuzzy."

"Ten years…" The navigator shook her head. "I keep forgetting how much older than us you are. That was before Arlong took over my village… And you would've been thirteen? Almost fourteen? Old enough to fight back in a way I couldn't."

"That was about when I started learning karate, actually. I started late." Poking at the table, I suddenly found myself very interested in the floral pattern carved on my plate. "But, well, don't feel bad about forgetting my age I guess; the timelines don't match up, so from when the story started… From my perspective, Luffy set out from Fuusha Village when I was four years old."

Silence fell. Everyone stared at me. A glob of scrambled eggs fell off Johnny's fork, plopping to his plate with a loud splat. Yosaku dug in his ear with a finger, as if convinced it was blocked and he'd misheard me. Something beyond sound or light vibrated and pinged; I don't really know how to describe it, but I think it was the sensation of someone's brain breaking. Possibly Ghin's; he had a particularly glassy look on his face. I shrugged.

"Try not to think about it. _All You Zombies_ has nothing on the confusion of being both thirteen years younger, and six and four years older than my captain."

Ghin shook his head, the glassiness leaving his eyes. "You live a very strange life Jones."

"Sesehihihihihi! You have no idea… And it's only gonna get stranger from here on out. Just wait for some of the things that'll show up on the Grand Line." I glanced around, still unable to see the Fourth Wall, but knowing it was there.

Hello readers. I hope you're not put off by my awareness of you, and that other me's writing isn't doing anything awful. Sorry about bringing up the mindscrew. There might be a few more waiting in the wings too… I'm not sure just yet.

X

I began working on a training routine that afternoon- practicing my karate alone wasn't going to be enough. Strength training, speed, balance, flexibility… Plus there was still my sketches and lists to work out. And willpower. I had some idea how to train Busoshoku and Kenbunshoku Haki; they were similar to the ki techniques I'd just been starting to learn at karate. The trick would be adapting them and pulling them off. The earlier the better.

Eventually, I wrote up a schedule reminiscent of something from my great-grandfather's journals. He'd died before I was born, and my father didn't know I'd seen the books… Great-grandpa was a soldier in the Romanian army when he was a young man, a carpenter and a sniper. I didn't have the talent for ranged combat, but he'd had a wonderful boot camp routine that I expanded upon.

Wake up in the morning; stretches, followed by squats, sit-ups, and push-ups until my arms shook, my stomach burned, and my legs felt like noodles. Some of the push-ups were on my knuckles to toughen up the skin and bones- all the better to punch people with. After breakfast, meditation until I felt safe to run without vomiting. Then laps around the deck of the _Going Merry_ , switching directions every once in a while for variety. Parkour over the rails and the poop deck until lunch, then work on my sketches, lists, and any other paperwork I might happen to have- not that I expected there would be much after Loguetown. The Straw Hats weren't an organized enough crew for that. Eh, hobby time then. Late afternoon found me going through all my karate skills, from the most basic punches and blocks to the highest kata I knew. After that came dinner, then sparring with Ghin until it was time to go to bed.

That particular paper wasn't written in Drangor, so Yosaku was able to read over my shoulder as I was writing it out. The green bounty hunter shook his head, a small whining noise drawing my attention to his presence. "Can I help you?"

"Big Sis Jones… You're gonna kill yourself with that schedule."

"What makes you think that?"

"You're not writing in any time for a break; if you do that every day, eventually you'll hurt something or just collapse."

"Eh? What're you talking about? Look, meditation and paperwork/hobby time. Those are breaks. And I'll still be sleeping, and I'm sure some parts will be interrupted by having to steer the ship and deal with weather and such."

"That last bit doesn't count as a break." Yosaku sighed. "Look, you need to take at least one day off a week to let your body heal and build muscle from all… _this_."

As a biologist, I understood that. But as me… Well, in the last two chapters, I made the same mistake with the ammonia twice, and it wasn't _entirely_ my author's fault. I picked absently at the scabs on my face as I finished my schedule. "You a doctor or something?" Not that anyone but Chopper could ever be _the_ Straw Hat doctor.

"No. Just speaking from experience; Johnny and I tried a schedule like this when we were first getting into things. Lasted about a month before we passed out from exhaustion."

"Well, we'll see how long I last. I'm afraid I don't learn well from being told things like that; I have to see or experience it for myself." My crazy grin spread across my face. "Comes with being a high INT, low WIS character."

The green bounty hunter shook his head again, this time in confusion. "How is it that you're able to speak perfectly clear English, but in a way that makes it impossible for anyone to understand?"

"Eh? Just some other world stuff. Which reminds me- why do you call it English? In my world, English is the name of the language because it originated in a country called England. I'm pretty sure there's no England here."

Yosaku stared at me for a moment, another whining noise escaping his lips. "I don't- I don't know! Stop breaking people's brains Big Sis!"

"Sorry." I inclined my head, grin changing from ordinary crazy to I-just-though-of-a-really-dumb-parkour-trick-and-I'm-gonna-try-it crazy. Or Finnish crazy, if you asked my father. "Would it be better if I was speaking something _other_ than English and no one could understand it? Wheni Yosaku; bakr-ve aaloo t'sa Jones."

"No!"

A fist slammed into the back of my head, too small to be Yosaku's. I rubbed the aching area and turned to glare at my redheaded attacker as spots danced across my vision. "Nami… Why?"

"As much as I'm glad you're getting over your anxiety enough to be a little shit, we can't afford you breaking the crew's brains more than once a day. The men can't handle it."

"Fine… I'm sorry."

"Good." The navigator sat down beside me with a compass and a map. "Now… Do you have any idea when we're going to get to Loguetown? I know we're not supposed to ask for spoilers, but Luffy keeps asking if we're there yet and it's driving me insane."

"No, sorry. Oda never really covered travel time unless it was important for a specific quest- he focused more on the action and humour, of which there were plenty."

X

Three days passed. By the second of these, my body was one giant ache from the new training regimen. I had pain in muscles I didn't know existed, everything stiff and creaky. Even my tongue hurt! I had no idea how I'd managed that one; maybe I bit it in my sleep? But I didn't tell any of my crew mates this. The last thing I wanted was to give Yosaku an opportunity to say "I told you so."

What I would give for a hot bath. But the _Going Merry_ , wonderful little caravel that she was, had terrible water heating. Bathing was warm at best, not the steaming hot, turn-my-skin-red water that would've relaxed my muscles. Too bad we wouldn't be staying on land overnight until Whiskey Peak. Probably, anyway. I didn't remember any of the arcs in between taking more than a day or so- wait… Warship Island. Hmm… Filler… I wondered how much of that I would have to deal with. Hopefully not _all_ of it, but probably some of the more interesting ones.

Despite how stiff and sore I was, I'd managed to complete my sketches faster than I'd thought. Although they weren't necessarily that realistic; I've always been more of a cartoonist. Still, they should be good enough that they'd be recognizable. So I was spending my current paperwork time writing shopping lists for everyone as the _Going Merry_ drifted through calm seas.

And this region of the East Blue really was _remarkably_ calm at the moment, even for the weakest of seas. None of the sails needed adjusting; the wind was light and constant. Nami kept checking our course just in case, but we hadn't needed to change at all since breakfast. A slow and steady pace. Everyone was relaxing on deck- or in the case of Luffy and Usopp, playing a very one-sided game of tag.

Tripping over a dozing Zoro, Usopp ended up sprawled on the deck beside me, wood grain impressed on his face. Luffy, Johnny, and Yosaku started laughing; the noise woke the swordsman over whom the sniper had stumbled. Sanji moved to boot Usopp away and yell at him for disturbing me, only to stop and turn green. Good, he was taking my advice about imagining Reiju whenever he felt like flirting with me. The cook chomped on his cigarette.

"Merde Jones, do you know how weird this is? And you're asking me to think about _them_."

"Ah, but she was the nice one, right? Or at least _nicer_ \- helped you leave and all." More importantly… "Sanji… You speak French? I mean, I've always known the majority of your technique names were in French, but are you fluent?"

"Um… Yes?"

"Cool. Parisian or Quebecois?"

"I have no idea what those words mean."

"Okay, time for a test then. Tabarnak."

The cook blew a smoke ring. "Never heard that word before."

"Ah. Parisian then. Okay." I smiled and pulled out a fresh sheet of paper. "This is good, very good… Does anyone else speak any languages other than English? If so, what are they?"

Everyone stared at me for a moment, then shrugged in unison before they started answering. Zoro, Johnny, and Yosaku were first. "Japanese."

Then came Nami. "Swedish."

Usopp and Ghin shook their heads. Then, surprisingly, Luffy piped up. "Portuguese- but I understand Spanish too, cause Ace spoke it sometimes when he was trying to keep secrets. I never told him I knew what he was saying." My rubber captain sounded so proud of himself, despite the fact that the languages were similar. I doubted that picking up Spanish was very hard for someone who spoke Portuguese.

"Tabarnak. And I've got French and a little German. I was hoping we'd have one in common, something we could use to communicate without the marines knowing if we needed to. Like in World War Two; British planes, ships, and such often had Welsh communications officers because the Germans didn't have anyone who spoke Welsh, so even if they intercepted a message, they couldn't understand it."

Nami nodded. "That might be useful. What if we made up our own code?"

"Nah, a code can be broken. A language is harder." This time I didn't bother asking why all the languages seemed to have the same names as I was used to. I'd wait until Robin showed up; she was more likely to know than anyone else. Unless… Other me, am I smelling shenanigans or a plot twist? I know your theories about the Void Century.

Luffy climbed up into the rigging like the monkey he was named, hanging upside down and picking his nose. "Saa… Jones could always teach us that language she writes her spoiler charts in."

"Oh no." I scooted backwards as everyone stared at me with renewed interest. Eventually, my back hit a wall. "Quite aside from the fact that I don't have the patience to teach and I'm pretty sure I'm getting some of the letters switched around, I'm not the primary creator. I helped with some of the grammar rules and such, but all the words, symbols, idioms… That's one of my best friends, not me. She'd be furious if I started teaching people our language when I can't even keep the _Yet_ and _Nga_ runes straight. Drangor is _her_ baby."

Wait a second… Other me, you know she's planning on using Drangor as a key language in a novel she's trying to write. And she's used it to title one of her own fics… How the bloody Hell did you get Bluejay Blaze to let you use _her_ language in _your_ story? Is she… Is she your beta reader? But she hates editing! How'd you convince… Never mind. I think I know how. Hi Blue!

"Fine." Luffy pouted. "We'll just come up with our own code-language-thingy, and it'll be ten times cooler than anything your old friends could make!"

Zoro sighed and shook his head. "Now look what you've done. We don't _need_ it, but now you'll never get the idea out of his head."

I waved a hand as I turned back to my shopping lists. "Nah, it'll be fine. As soon as some new adventure or something suitably strange and shiny comes along, he'll forget about it."

As if on cue… "Blue morpho butterfly! How'd it get all the way out here? Usopp, net!"

A rubbery red blur tore across the deck after a small blue one. Seconds later the sniper tossed the captain a butterfly net, and the air was full of swishing noises as Luffy tried to capture his prey. Other me… This time I'm definitely sensing shenanigans. I don't know much about butterflies, but I know _that_ species doesn't just show up in the middle of the ocean without warning. Although I should thank you for the distraction.

The rest of the crew stared as our beloved captain scrambled after his blue prize. Shock morphed into laughter. Eventually, an exhausted blue morpho fluttered down to land on Luffy's hat. One by one, everyone stopped laughing as the rubber boy reached up with surprising gentleness to remove the insect from his head. Luffy smiled at the butterfly, soft and gentle, as if it were the thing he loved most in the world.

"I always liked butterflies best. They remind me of Sabo; especially the blue ones."

"Who's Sabo?" Johnny blurted out. Yosaku slapped him upside the head for being so blunt.

"Can't you see how sad Big Bro Luffy is?" the green bounty hunter hissed. "Think before you ask things like that."

"Whoops. Sorry bro."

Luffy shook his head. "Nah, it's okay. Sabo's one of my big brothers; he died when I was little. Tenryuubito blew up his boat. Ace and I miss him lots… If only we'd gotten him back sooner, he wouldn't have had to set sail that day. But we were too weak… And Sabo was the planner anyway, the one who always thought of stuff."

My captain looked like he was about to cry, like it was all he could do to hold back tears. I wanted to tell him so badly… But he'd probably hate me for that. Spoilers. And even if he didn't, what about when I mentioned Sabo's amnesia? No, it was best to keep silent for now.

Johnny and Yosaku actually _did_ start crying, prompting Zoro to roll his eyes. "That's so sad bro! We're sorry!" Oh, they would get along _well_ with Franky.

"Don't be sorry; you weren't there, so you couldn't do anything. Not your fault." Luffy stroked the butterfly with one finger, careful not to touch its shimmering wings. "But I never want to lose anyone like that again… Sabo died before he got a chance to be free, to write his book… Never got to even start his dream…"

The butterfly took to the air, flying a circle around the rubber boy before it fluttered away towards the horizon. Little heavy on the symbolism there. Johnny and Yosaku stopped crying with a synchronized sniffle.

"Don't worry bro! You won't lose any of us; we'll be with you til the end!"

Zoro nodded. "We'll follow you all the way to Raftel, king of the pirates."

"As if you could get rid of me now, shitty rubber." Sanji grinned and blew smoke rings at Zoro. The swordsman scowled, but didn't retaliate.

"For wealth, adventure, and a map of the world." Nami's eyes shone with soft amber light. She ran her fingers over her bracelet, probably thinking of Nojiko.

"Naturally a brave man of the sea such as myself would never let you down!" Usopp rubbed his nose and beamed- a pretty telling sign that he was scared out of his mind and didn't want anyone to know.

"Wherever you go, I'll follow, Don Luffy."

Everyone looked at me expectantly. I grinned and shook my head. "Guys, you're doing this all wrong. Now, repeat after me. Zoro, Johnny, Yosaku- You have my sword."

"You have my sword." Three voices echoed as the swordsmen shrugged, apparently deciding not to question it.

"Good. Now Usopp- And my bow."

"And my bow?" Well, it was a far cry from Orlando Bloom, but it would do.

"Okay, Ghin- And _my_ axe. Make sure you put some attitude into it."

Dark eyes stared at me in confusion. "But I don't have an axe. And Usopp doesn't have a bow either."

I frowned, my gaze migrating down to the deck as I traced the patterns on the wood. "Fine. Be that way. Not like we were having a Fellowship moment or anything." Sighing, I looked up at Luffy. "In all seriousness though… The House of Jones has always served the king- though not necessarily this one. I swear on the white lion of my ancestors to follow you to the very end, my captain, and when that end comes, it will be such a one as is worth a song."

Nami rolled her eyes at my flowery declaration. "Yes, yes, just show us all up with your dramatic speeches. Are you a witch or a minstrel?"

"Definitely not a minstrel. I'm good with words, but passable with an instrument at best. Plus you can't sing while playing trombone."

X

We didn't really keep a guard on the fishmen, but we did check in on them from time to time. Had to make sure they hadn't figured out a way to damage our supplies or anything. Note to self, when Franky was building the _Thousand Sunny_ , make sure he included a proper brig. And supplies aside, I was sick of sleeping on the deck. I wanted my nice, comfortable pile of crates and spare canvas back. Sleeping on unpadded wood with aching muscles wasn't easy, no matter how tired I always found myself.

Arlong smirked as I ducked in to check on them. "So witch, here to keep your promise? Here to try and make me bleed? What would your dear captain say about that, I wonder… He doesn't seem the sort to stomach it."

"Actually, Luffy prefers to leave his foes alive so they can watch their goals and dreams crumble around them, see how futile their methods were against his determination and love for his friends. It's not really mercy; for a lot of people, that's crueller than death. But you're right; Luffy wouldn't condone torture." I sat on a crate and opened my Swiss Army Knife. "To be honest… I don't either. It's dishonourable to mistreat a captive if you don't need to. Of course, I'm not always the best at doing the honourable thing, but I try."

"How very _noble_ of you," the shark spat. I scowled.

"I understand why to you that's an insult, but where I come from nobility is something to be aspired to, not sneered at. I won't say every noble family practiced what they preached- not even most of them, probably- but Welsh nobility has since the time of Arthur. And my family started off as Welsh nobility, even if we haven't held a title for about a thousand years."

"Pretty words witch, but I see you for what you are. Soft. Weak. Hiding behind your histories and codes and strangeness because you don't have the guts or the muscle to do what needs doing."

Oh, he was good. Through luck or an ability to read more than I thought I was showing, Arlong was getting under my skin like a porcupine quill. We should've gagged him. I bared my teeth in reply. "I've tried logic; I've tried emotion. Neither of those works on you. But if I hurt you the way I want to, that just proves you right. Making you bleed _now_ just paints me as a monster."

My anger was met by a toothy grin. "Just admit it, witch. Even at a game of wits, you can't beat me. Foolish human."

"It's a game you want, is it?" Eyes narrow, teeth bared, heart pounding in my ears- I was doing a poor job concealing my fury. This shark was calling me a loser… He just used a lot more words to do so than the people I'd grown up with. "Fine. We'll play a game. If you win, I'll even join your crew, help you get out of here."

Arlong considered this for a moment. And then, even though I'd _just told him_ that I wasn't always as good at honour as I should be, he decided to trust me at my word. Maybe he knew it was really his only option, and thought he could beat me at whatever came up. Too bad for him. "Alright witch; I accept. What game?"

"Five-Finger Fillet." I dug my knife into the grain of the crate I was sitting on. "The point is to stab the knife between your fingers and around your hand- following a certain pattern, mind- as fast as you can without cutting yourself. There's a song to keep time. Each round gets a little faster; whoever makes it through the most rounds without cutting their own hand wins."

The fishman's skin wasn't suited to human reactions, so I didn't get to see him pale as he glanced at his webbed fingers. Pity. Then Arlong threw back his head and laughed, startling his crew awake. "Shahahahahaha! You got me there witch. No, forget witch- you're the daughter of the sea devil himself. Even Nezumi wasn't half as devious. If we weren't on different crews, I might even like you, human or no."

I shrugged. "Never piss off an author, for you will be eviscerated in fiction, your flaws left on display for all eternity. Still up for that game?"

"No. I may not like it, but at some point even I know when I'm beaten, and I'm not about to play a losing hand."

"Pun and a poker reference in the same sentence? Very nice. You're right; it's too bad we're on opposing sides. If our ideals weren't so different, we'd probably be good friends."

"Opposing," Arlong mused, "Not opposite. Interesting choice of words."

Yes, if Arlong wasn't such a racist bastard, we could've been _excellent_ friends. "We're more at right angles than anything. I may hate you for your treatment of humans in general, but I hate the Tenryuubito more. They don't deserve the title _noble_ ; as far as I'm concerned, there's very few nobles in the world who've earned the name."

"And who might those be? Assuming I ever get out of prison, that caring would be worth anything."

Well, it probably couldn't hurt to tell him. "The royal family of Fishman Island- Queen Otohime especially. The Nefertari family of Alabasta. Outlook Sabo of Goa Kingdom- just him though, not the rest of his family. They're jerks. The rightful royal family of Dressrosa… In both senses, I guess. The Donquixotes other than Doflamingo weren't bad. Too bad he killed them all. Princess Mansherry of the Tontatta."

"Your list… They're not all human." Arlong sounded confused. I wondered why Chew and Kuroobi weren't saying anything, but they looked as mystified as their captain, and were a good deal poorer when it came to wordplay.

"Of course not. You don't have to be human to do great things- or terrible ones." Since it didn't look like I would be needing it, I flipped my knife closed.

Arlong actually looked thoughtful. I mentally congratulated myself for maybe getting through to him. Kuroobi, however, had finally found his tongue. "If there is evil in this world, it lurks in the hearts of men!"

Ah, _Tales of Phantasia_ reference; I should've expected that, other me. A little forced maybe, but I won't hold it against you. I love that game as much as you do. Still… Do I seriously need to remind you about the shenanigans rule this often? And if you find a way to cram the Avro Arrow into the _One Piece_ world, we will have _words_. And I'll _still_ be keeping the plane. Wait… Tabarnak. I walked right into it, didn't I?

"That saying's true no matter the race or species or whatever you want to call it." I extended a mental middle finger to the writer for using my own complaints about her shenanigans to mention her favourite shenanigan. My scowl shifted from the shark to the ray. "I mean… You're not human, but what you did- enslaving Nami, demanding tribute from the villagers on threat of death- it's just as bad when you do it as when the Tenryuubito do."

"It was revenge, _choo_ \- the humans did it to us first."

"But not _those_ humans." I shot Chew a dirty look. "Revenge is only revenge if you're getting back at the person who harmed you; if you take your pain out on someone else, it's just spreading the violence."

Chew and Kuroobi shut down. Good; I don't like having a battle of wits with an unarmed person. It makes me feel like a bully. Arlong shot me a long, considering look before laughing again. It was quieter this time, more sardonic than truly amused. "For a human girl, you remind me an awful lot of Fisher Tiger."

"I take that as a compliment."

"More devious though. I'm willing to bet you'd never fall for the trap the marines pulled."

"Probably not," I agreed. "I have trust issues, and I always have other options at the ready. Plus it was an _obvious_ trap. Honestly? I would've let Koala stay with the crew if she wanted rather than insisting she go home. Sure, it wouldn't have been as safe for her, but she would've been happier."

"You have the weirdest mix of idealism and cynicism I've ever encountered witch." Arlong smirked. "But you say you have trust issues; if that's true, why're you being so open with an enemy? A _prisoner_?"

"Sesehihihihihi! You think this is open?" I let my crazed grin take over. "Arlong… The only thing I've had trouble hiding from you is my anger. You still know _nothing_ about me, really. The mix of cynicism and idealism? That's because I'm a writer, first and foremost- I have to play _many_ roles as I craft each story. Every character is a facet of me, a mask I slip on and off depending on their presence in the scene."

I slipped closer, unable to resist tormenting the shark by whispering in his ear. He was still tied up after all; even if I pissed him off, I was in no danger. One hand on his shoulder, I slipped around the fishman's back. "I've been a merchant. Magician. Queen. Pirate. Knight. Child. Assassin. And do you know what the scariest part is? Sometimes, even I can't tell which is the real me."

A shudder ran down Arlong's spine. He growled, upset that he couldn't hide that sliver of fear in these close quarters. "Like I said, you're the daughter of the sea devil himself."

"Maybe. I don't know what you call the sea devil, but where I come from, his name is Davy Jones." I left the fishmen alone to think about what I'd said. I wasn't trying to make an ally of Arlong; that would never be this easy. But if I could get him thinking, remind him of Fisher Tiger, then maybe someone else could finish the job. If he ever got out of prison, that is; I was still certain he was on his way to Impel Down.

Hmm… Maybe there was a way to sic Ivankov on him…

X

"That's my seat!" Luffy's indignant voice shook me out of my focus. I'd been meditating on the figurehead, as it was the only part of the ship _not_ subject to the mad scramble of the captain and sniper playing tag. Should've remembered that as soon as they got bored, Luffy would want his spot back.

"Sorry captain. I just needed some peace and quiet."

The rubber boy made a face as I jumped back to the main deck. "Jones… You're _too_ quiet. You didn't party, and you never play with us… All you do is train more than Zoro, then go to the hold and do sneaky things to Sharkface. Usopp says one of the mooks pissed themselves last time he checked on them, just cause he mentioned your name. What'd you _do_?"

"Just engaged Arlong in a civil discussion about morality. I didn't touch- well, I guess that's not true, I touched… I didn't _hurt_ any of them."

My captain made a face. "Why'd you wanna talk to Sharkface?"

"I didn't really _want to_ ; it just happened."

"Oh. Okay, I guess." Luffy climbed over _Merry_ 's horns so he was on his seat, but faced backwards so he could still talk to me. "You should still play with us more. It'll be more fun than running in circles, and you can still train that way."

"Luffy…" I wanted to tell him that I wasn't a social person, that I didn't play well with others. Instead, I found myself on the receiving end of the most adorable puppy dog expression this side of a baby corgi. No wonder fanon!Ace and fanon!Sabo always melted so easily; those big brown eyes were like bullets to the emotions. My cat couldn't have done better. But I don't break for cu-! Okay, unless it's in defense of my own food, I fall for cute things like someone had tied my shoelaces together. I sighed and stared at the deck. "I'll try."

"Don't try. Do. I wanna play with Jones too. We're all family now, ne?"

I rolled my eyes. "Aye-aye Yoda."

"Not joking Jones." Luffy pouted. "I'll make you."

"And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?"

"Well, Jones is smart like Sabo and anti- anti- doesn't like people like Ace used to. So I'll do what I did to them."

That was… almost threatening, despite how Luffy's voice danced with laughter. Did I really want to be on the receiving end of whatever my captain used to do to his brothers? It might be painful. Before I had any time to figure out what it even _was_ though, I was hit in the chest by a rubber missile. I flew backwards across the deck, the mast finally halting my travel. A giggling mass of red landed on top of me. I wheezed, my breath knocked out of me three different ways. Luffy quickly switched from playful to distressed when he realized that he'd hurt me.

"Ah! Jones… Oops… Sorry!"

The noise got Johnny's attention. He jumped to his feet and ran over. "Big Sis! You alright?"

Maudit, not again. Although at least he didn't punctuate it with my name like Zoro did. Breathless or not, I jumped to my feet. My ribs ached, but I couldn't tell if that was an injury or just related to general training pains. A cough and two deep breaths gave me my wind back. I growled at the two men in front of me.

"Johnny… Luffy… _Run_."

My captain took off with a shout of glee, delighted at having finally convinced me to join in his games rather than train alone. He was soon on the other end of the ship- I couldn't catch a quick little monkey like him. _Yet_. Johnny, however, was still in range, backing away from me with confused caution on his face.

"What did I do Big Si- Wah! Jones!"

Johnny was caught unprepared as I grabbed his arm and swung my leg through the back of his knee, forcing him around and down. He faceplanted into the base of the mast. I switched my grip so I could kneel on the blue bounty hunter's back and put his arm in my favourite pain hold. Shouting loud enough to be hear across the ship was hard so recently after having the wind knocked out of me, but I managed.

"THE NEXT PERSON WHO ASKS IF I'M ALRIGHT WILL BE TIED UP AND FORCED TO EAT THEIR WORDS- AND I _DO_ KNOW HOW TO MAKE THAT LITERAL! GET THIS THROUGH YOUR HEADS EVERYONE! EVEN IF I'M LYING ON THE GROUND, BLEEDING OUT AND SECONDS FROM DEATH, THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION "YOU ALRIGHT JONES?" IS "I'M _FUCKING_ FINE!" ARE WE CLEAR?!"

"Clear!" Johnny squeaked into the wood below me. I didn't hear anyone else's answers, but Zoro at least did me the courtesy of opening one eye and nodding. Up on the poop deck, Nami and Usopp started laughing.

"It's nice to see Jones coming out of her shell," Nami giggled. Usopp nodded, his hand covering his mouth.

Yosaku popped his head up from belowdecks, looked at how I was pinning Johnny down, sighed, and shook his head. "Well, at least you wore your brown pants today bro."

There was nothing I could think of that could make me jump away from Johnny faster than that. "Augh! Gross! Go clean up!"

"Ha! Works every time!" Johnny scrambled across the deck to high-five Yosaku. "Thanks bro!"

"No problem!"

Wait… They'd tricked me? And using a trope no less. Okay other me, maybe having them on the crew isn't a bad idea after all. I fell back against the mast as the absurdity of the situation overwhelmed me. "Sesehihihihihi! Man, you guys got me good!"

The hopeless bounty hunters beamed and flashed a synchronized thumbs-up. "Our pleasure Big Sis!"


	5. Dramatic Irony

**Dramatic Irony: a discrepancy between a character's perception and what the reader or audience knows to be true.**

 **A/N: This chapter makes use of one of my favourite theories about a certain frame in the Loguetown arc. ^_^**

 **The Keeper Of Worlds: Yes, I am aware that Foxy offered the coins to Davy Jones before the Davy Back Fight. But Jones says she doesn't know what Arlong calls the sea devil. She's not sure what place Davy Jones holds in the One Piece mythology or if Arlong knows anything about him. As for the rest of it... Thank you. I try.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Yes, I'm curious to see how it will go as well. For now people seem to like it, but that could change if I screw something up.**

 **Bluejay Blaze: I know, I know. But I left that part in because no one actually wants to play "guess the beta reader" with you. You're the only person who thinks that would be fun.**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you. I hope I continue to live up to your expectations.**

 **The Patient One: Yes, I'm aware of the potential difficulties of adding to the main crew. One good thing about having my overgrown woman-child of a classmate as a beta reader— I get to learn from her screw ups. Poor Blue has to have a dozen charts to even remember who's on the crew at any given time— and she keeps losing them! The fourth wall thing... Yeah, I was wary of that at first, whether people would like it or not. But then I figured that I may as well give it a try, since this story is as much for my own enjoyment as anyone else's and I thought it was funny. But yes, I'm using it with caution— or trying to, at any rate. Thank you very much! ^_^**

 **Xomniac: *stares at words for a minute and nearly faints from shock* Insanely popular writer reading my stuff... Never thought that would happen. Thank you very much! Although now I'm terrified that later chapters won't live up to your expectations of me...**

 _I stared dumbly at my arm, split open like a gutted cod. There was no pain, at least until a male nurse with no face began sewing things back together. As he worked, the stitches climbing up my arm looked large and exaggerated- and they stung like Hell. Tiny starbursts of pain lanced up my arm every time the needle went in and out, but there was still no pain from the wound itself. Weird. The nurse grew a morbid face out of the tanned sphere of his head, grinning like a demon. I tried to scream, but no sound came out._

… _Beep…_

 _Branches cracked and popped under my feet as I scrambled through the forest. Hooves pounded on dirt and stone behind me; the air was filled with a too-familiar shriek. If I looked over my shoulder, I would see a figure in a black cloak bearing down on me atop the largest horse I'd ever seen. I broke free of the trees and began running down the road- or up, as it were. There was a towering hill there. As the Nazgul burst from the trees behind me, a concrete truck literally_ flew _over the hill, crashing down towards me._

… _Beep…_

 _Water shone blue-violet around me, like the inside of a bubble. I couldn't tell how far it was to the surface- or even which direction was up. It didn't take long before I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I thrashed around, feeling more like someone was pressing a pillow over my face than I was drowning._

X

"Jones! Wake up!"

Zoro's voice cut through my thrashing panic. Large hands grabbed my shoulders, pinning me down and shaking me gently. Unfortunately, he was pinning me on my front; my face was still embedded in whatever was choking me. I couldn't open my eyes. A second later the pinning hands flipped me over as Zoro realized what he'd been doing. I gasped for breath.

"Sorry about that." The swordsman rubbed the back of his head and wouldn't meet my eyes. "You were thrashing around and screaming; just wanted to wake you up."

I reached back to grab whatever had been trying to strangle me in my sleep. Right, the roll of canvas I'd brought up to use as a pillow, since we still had fishmen occupying the hold. "No, it's alright; my cat's done the same thing before." I yawned. "What time is it?"

"Still early enough for your usual routine if you hurry. Breakfast's in half an hour; Swirly Brow told me to wake you up before you fell overboard or something."

"Not like you to listen to Sanji." I started stretching, although without any particular rush. Rushing a stretch would only lead to injuring myself.

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't want you falling overboard cause you were having a nightmare when you should've been training."

"Your concern is appreciated." I rolled my eyes- not that Zoro could see, since I was touching my forehead to my knee at the time. "Hey… How heavy of training weights do you think I should start with?"

"Weights?"

"Yes, weights. When we get to Loguetown, that's one of the things on my list- weights to wear on my wrists and ankles while I'm doing some of my exercises." And time to touch my forehead to my other knee. Toes to the sky everyone; you get a better stretch if you're pulling the back tendons tight during sitting stretches rather than pointing your toes out.

Zoro thought for a while. "I have no idea. You're a lot smaller than me, and you're right- I don't remember how to scale things back. Maybe… Try five kilos on your arms and ten on your legs if you can find them. And I wouldn't wear them when you're doing all those climbing and vaulting tricks."

"I know _that_."

X

Finally, the date I'd been waiting for arrived. That afternoon, my paperwork was interrupted by a shout of outrage from Nami. Her voice cut through the clashing blades of Johnny and Yosaku's sparring. "Twelve beri! Last week it was ten! What're you trying to pull?"

The news coo chirped and hopped backwards in case Nami tried to hit it- prudent, but unnecessary. Sighing, the navigator pulled a coin out of her pocket. "Ten is all I've got for you, and you'll _like it_. And don't you dare go trying to raise the price on me again!"

Newspaper dropped onto the table with a dry shuffle. The coo saluted and flew off, mournful chirps drifting backwards as it disappeared. Usopp looked up from where he was tinkering with his ammo. "Does two beri really matter that much Nami?"

"Of course! I refuse to be a broke pirate."

"Two beri _isn't_ gonna make you go broke." Usopp rolled his eyes. The fact that he was currently working with flammable materials was probably the only thing that stopped Nami from hitting him.

"You never know!" Nami huffed and opened the paper with a snap. Sanji noodle-danced as he brought the navigator a glass of lemonade.

"You're so cute when you frown Nami."

"Thanks Sanji." I was pretty sure she was thanking him for the drink, but the cook spun away with hearts in his eyes. Seriously, how did that work? Maybe I'd be able to get my hands on a cadaver someday to have a look. Or Chopper might be able to explain it.

Johnny and Yosaku paused, the blades falling silent. "Don't worry Big Sis Nami! When we get to Loguetown, we're gonna go with Big Bro Zoro to hand in Arlong and them. Then we'll have lots of money!"

"Yeah! Arlong's bounty's more than four times anything we've collected before!"

"And most of it has to go into supplies!" Since they _weren't_ doing anything with volatile chemicals, the former bounty hunters weren't protected from Nami's wrath. She threw the lids of her ink bottles at their heads; and for someone who usually fought with a staff, she had very good aim. "Zoro needs new swords, Jones needs more clothes, and we have all these shopping lists she's made of strange navigation equipment and other tools."

"They're important; we might regret it if we don't pick everything up." I stood up and went to look over Nami's shoulder. "Any new bounty posters?"

The navigator made a face. "I thought we were supposed to be pirates, not bounty hunters."

"We are. But bounty posters can still be useful- they give you an idea who the competition is and what they've been up to. Plus, until they get bounties of their own, we can have Zoro, Johnny, and Yosaku hand in anyone we happen to beat for more money."

"Curse you and your story knowledge. You always know exactly what to say." Nami rolled her eyes and passed me a stack of bounty posters. But she was smiling as she did so.

Hmm… Trafalgar Law- twenty million. Stole an experimental submarine from a marine base in the North Blue. I couldn't wait to blast Beatles music at him for that; pretty sure his crew would love it. Captain Kidd, Urouge, Bonnie, Basil Hawkins, Killer, Capone Bege, Scratchman Apoo… Even X Drake. There were also notices of increases on various others- Bellamy I recognized, but not most of them. Wow, there were a lot. And WOW- there was Shanks' poster. Ridiculous. The last time I saw a number that large was in grade twelve physics class. What had he done to piss the government off _that_ much? Oh… Well, his latest stunt was skinny dipping in a public fountain belonging to some king. Didn't recognize the name. But where was…?

"Where the Hell's Luffy's poster?!" I snapped my head over to stare at Nami. "Are these all of them? You're sure?"

"Yes! Every one! Why? What's wrong?"

I dropped the wanted posters, clutching at my head. What had I changed? What could've done this? "Just before you got to Loguetown, Luffy was supposed to get his first bounty poster. It was _today_ ; the poster definitely came out the same day as the newspaper price went up."

Everyone stared at me- Nami and Usopp in confusion, the rest in disappointment. The navigator cocked her head to the side. "Isn't that a good thing? Bounty hunters, the marines… They won't be after us as hard without a bounty."

Luffy pouted. "But bounties are cool! I want one. What was it Jones?"

"I thought you didn't want spoilers."

"It's not a spoiler if it's a would-have-happened!" Ah, Luffy logic. Totally stupid and at the same time, completely true.

"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "Thirty million- between Trafalgar Law and Captain Kidd. Highest bounty out of the East Blue in ages I might add; Ace was on the Grand Line before his was higher than that."

"Cool!" Luffy bounced in place.

Ghin frowned from where he was fishing. "Was it those marines? The ones you poisoned? If they never saw the Don, or were too sick to call in a report…"

"Of course!" I turned around so I could bang my head against the mast. The action yielded a hollow thunking noise, as well as a bloom of mild pain. "Nezumi was angry at Luffy for beating up his golden goose, so he phoned in and reported on everything he knew. Arlong's defeat's why it was so high… But I took Nezumi out before Luffy beat Arlong, and we were gone before the marines regained their senses. No one in the village would tattle on the savior…"

"Is this a problem?" Zoro asked. He also placed his hand between my forehead and the mast, stopping me from punishing myself for my oversight.

"No. I'm not mad that I did it; I'm mad that I didn't think this might be a consequence." Outsmarted by my own author. How embarrassing. "Even if I intend to screw canon, I need some idea what the consequences of my actions will be so I can plan accordingly. A writer's job is to ask "What if?" That works best if I know what I'm actually asking."

Deep breaths. "It's fine. I can work with this. It makes one of my sketches almost useless, but it's fine. Stupid, stupid, I'm so stupid. Tabarnak."

"Why's planning such a big issue Big Sis?" Johnny asked. "You do fine just on your own, looks like. I still wanna know how you got that one fishman to piss himself."

"Probably because I beat his captain at the art of intimidating words and games. Fun fact- people with webbed fingers can't play Five-Finger Fillet. As for the planning… Yes, I can improvise. Put me in any situation and I can probably talk myself out, if I want to. But the journey to Raftel is long-term, and there's a lot of factions involved that you don't know about yet… Events that I want to stop or change… I don't need to plan out every speech and fight, but I need to know how changes to major events will snowball down the line. Figuring things out after the fact doesn't do much good; by that point I'm stuck with the results."

"Oh." The blue bounty hunter wilted. I knelt on the deck and closed my eyes to think.

Getting through Loguetown without a bounty would be easier. Just hide our flag and convince our captain to keep quiet until everyone was done shopping. Hell, Smoker might even _help_ us if he thought we were just a bunch of kids going bounty hunting. But Ace used that poster to figure out that Luffy was in Alabasta; how, I wasn't quite sure, but he did it. I needed to make sure Fire Fist still got the memo that his brother was out and about. Thank the gods for newspaper; I could use the Pina Colada method. It would be an extra stop in Loguetown, but only ten minutes or so. I had time.

"Okay. I have everything under control- I hope. So, if memory serves, we should be getting to Loguetown late tonight or early tomorrow. Either way tomorrow's our shopping day. Briefing time everyone."

Usopp groaned; Sanji slapped him upside the head and dragged him away from his tinkering. The rest of the crew gathered around without incident as I began showing my sketches. "Now, due to my oversight and the resulting lack of bounty, this man will actually be the least troublesome. His name is Captain Smoker; he's the overzealous pirate catcher I mentioned a while ago. Make sure our flag is furled when we're in town and don't mention the fact that we're pirates in his presence."

I flipped to my next page. Zoro grunted, but didn't say anything. Well, maybe if he was expecting it, he wouldn't freeze around her. "Chief Petty Officer Tashigi. She's Smoker's right hand, but that's not what makes her dangerous. We _can't_ avoid her; or at least, Zoro can't. Barring some bizarre occurrence, she _will_ be in the shop when you go to get new swords. Tashigi wants to collect all the legendary swords and keep them out of the hands of pirates and bounty hunters- yes, that includes taking _Wado Ichimonji_ from our swordsman. That said, if she doesn't figure out who you are, she'll be pleasant and helpful. I would suggest introducing yourself as Zolo and claiming membership in a dojo on a neighboring island; you need the extra swords as graduation gifts for a pair of black belts who are up for grading."

Next came a collection of pirates. "Luffy, Zoro, Nami… You probably recognize most of these. For everyone else- these are Buggy the Clown, Cabaji, and Mohji. The third may or may not be accompanied by a large lion with a pinkish mane. Joining them is Iron Mace Alvida. Luffy's encountered her before, but she's had a major makeover- weight loss, freckles faded, new outfit, the whole shebang. Buggy wants to kill Luffy and Alvida wants to marry him- as far as I can tell, anyway- so keep an eye out and warn each other if you see them."

Glowing pink heart eyes from Sanji's direction. Of course. "She's gorgeous! What did the shitty captain do to get a woman like _that_ after him?"

Luffy thought for a moment- or maybe he was constipated. The expressions looked the same on him, painful and determined. "Alvida… She was the whale who'd caught Coby, right? All I did was yell at her for being an asshole, then punch her. She flew really far."

A black dress shoe met a rubber skull; the shoe won. "Shitty Rubber! How dare you hit a lady!"

"She was holding my friend prisoner!"

"Can it, Cook," Zoro interrupted before Sanji could say anything more. The blond huffed and flipped the swordsman the bird.

"Thank you Zoro. And last," I flipped to another sketch, three people together. I wasn't sure if two of them would be in the city, and even if they were, it was unlikely that anyone on our crew would see or interact with them. Better safe than sorry though. "The man in the center is Dragon the Revolutionary, the most wanted man in the world. To his right is his chief of staff, and to the left is the revolution's assistant fishman karate instructor. I don't know if they'll all be around, but Dragon definitely is. He's not an enemy; I'm including him because his proper name is _Monkey D_ Dragon; he's Luffy's father."

"That's my dad!" Luffy squinted at my drawing. "I don't look anything like him! Wait… Is that a spoiler?"

"No. Dragon's done precious little in the story, even after nineteen years of comics. That he's your father is really the only thing I know about him. Spoilers would be if I told you anything about the other two- especially the chief of staff."

"Oh. Okay."

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other with an expression that suggested they were grateful they'd worn their brown pants- and that they weren't bluffing this time. "And what're we supposed to do if we see _these_ guys Big Sis?"

I shrugged. "No idea. Mention that you're on his son's crew and back away slowly I guess. Any more questions?" No one. "Good. I also have a shopping list for each of you, divided based on your specialties." I passed out the lists.

Nami immediately waved hers in my face. "Jones, what's this? A log pose? I've never heard of that before."

"Special compass. There's weird magnetic fields on the Grand Line that screw up normal compasses; basically, this is one that points to the next island instead of north. I'm sure the shopkeeper can tell you more. You'll want the sturdiest one you can get- _regardless of price_."

The navigator looked like she was about to protest being told to spend more than necessary. Then she looked at Luffy- who was growing bored with my briefing and was aggressively flicking boogers at Usopp's head. And no, I'm not questioning how one can flick boogers aggressively. "Okay, I see your point."

X

What I wouldn't give for a map of Loguetown. To qualify- I hate big cities, especially when I can't find where I'm trying to go. Ghin rolled his eyes and grabbed me by the ponytail before I could bash my head on a nearby stone monument. "Calm down Jones. We'll get there eventually."

"I don't want _eventually_ ; the sooner I'm out of here, the better." Everything was shaking; my heart raced and my breath came in ragged pants. That was why Ghin had come with me instead of going off on his own- Nami had recognized the signs that I might pass out soon and warned people against leaving me alone. Guess she was worried I'd end up unconscious in an alley somewhere.

Gods above and below, it was like someone had dropped me alone in Toronto or something. If Ghin hadn't been there, I probably _would've_ passed out. I'd be fine once I was in a quiet store in some back alley somewhere- the fewer people the better, a little ma and pop place- but first… "Maudit! Where's the bloody post office?" I had my ad all written up, all I needed was a couple minutes to mail it to the newspaper. Tears leaked out of my eyes beyond my control. Everywhere we went I was leaning on a wall, not trusting myself to remain upright. This was a thousand times worse than going to a bar alone.

My companion was worried, the gears working in his head as he tried to think of a way around my prohibition on asking if I was alright. I didn't blame him. At this point, I was clearly _not_ fine. Ghin grabbed my shoulder and shook me, just enough to keep me grounded. "Jones… I won't ask; you're not alright. What's wrong?"

"S-social anxiety. S-sometimes if there's a l-lot of p-people… C-certain situations make me p-panic. Only- only if I don't have my friends with me usually. It's n-never been this b-bad before." My hands were shaking; I tried to focus on that to ignore the ringing in my ears, to block out the people I knew were all over the next street. Ghin and I were currently in an alley off the main drag- my anxiety was making it difficult to navigate in the city.

"And you barely even trust your own crew…" Shaking his head, Ghin shifted his grip from my shoulder to my hand. "Try this. Just walk behind me; focus on my back. I'll hold on so you won't get lost." The former Krieg pirate chuckled. "If I wasn't seeing it in front of me, imagining you like this would be funny. I mean, you had no trouble facing down Arlong."

"Snarking a single enemy's different." Ghin was right, it was better if I just focused on him. The noise of the crowd still pounded around me, but at least it was bearable. "Only one or two people to worry about; I know how they'll react, which buttons to press. This is… Too many, too loud, can't focus, can't _think_ , don't know what to _do_."

"And you've lived your whole life like this?" That's right, focus on Ghin- his back, his hand, his voice. Stupid author… Why'd you have to keep _this_ part of our character intact?

"No. I was fifteen the first time- it happened it the middle of my grade ten French class. I was already done my work, so the teacher didn't think it was weird when I put my head on my desk and pretended to go to sleep. I thought it was a one-time thing… But it's been getting more frequent as I get older. This is the first time it's happened when I was with someone though."

"And we're here." A bell dinged above my head as Ghin led me into a little shop. The door closing helped immensely, blocking out the sounds of the city. Instead of smoke and people, I smelled bird poop and paper. I dropped Ghin's hand and stared at the floor. It was stained with something dark that I couldn't identify.

"Thanks… I- I wouldn't have expected that from you."

"Well, you don't know everything. Don Krieg may not have allowed men with problems like yours to join, but some people developed them after dealing with him too much. _You_ need to learn to trust your crew mates- Straw Hats do that, don't we?"

"I know. I'm working on it."

Behind the shop counter, a little old man in a uniform cleared his throat. "Can I help you two?"

"Ah, yes." I pulled a salt-stained paper out of my pocket. "How much is it to take out an ad in the Sunday paper?" My hands were no longer shaking, though I still fiddled with the note as I spoke.

"Two hundred beri." The postmaster looked me up and down, taking in my faded, frayed, and stained clothes. He didn't seem impressed. I reached one hand up to grab my necklace.

Tabarnak. I hadn't thought to beg money off Nami before coming. Or maybe some latent instinct of self-preservation had steered me away from that level of debt. I froze, mouth moving like a fish. Ghin shook his head and pulled out a handful of coins, dropping them on the counter. "Give him the note Jones."

I did. The postmaster sniffed, but packaged the letter and money and sent them off with a burly, sullen news coo. It pecked me as it swooped past out the window. The postmaster stared at Ghin and I with hooded eyes. "Was there anything else?"

"No, we're fine. Thank you." Ghin grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door. The postmaster's drawling voice followed us out onto the street as the bell chimed again.

"And a good day to you too sir."

"Thanks. You didn't need to do that." I once again focused on my crew mate's back as he led me through the crowd.

"I know. But it's not like I need anything, and you didn't give _me_ a list. Afraid that was all I had though. You'll need to get money somehow before you can do your shopping. Do you know how to pick pockets?"

"No."

"Locks?"

"Kind of, but I'm really slow and not very skilled. No good for burglary; just getting into my own house if I lock myself out."

Ghin led me into the back streets, far enough away from the main crowds that I could focus and stop shaking. "How about gambling then? Are you any good at that? If we find some change on the ground…"

"Dice. I'm good at dice. Not cards though; don't understand the rules."

"Good. That's good." Ghin grinned. "You'll only find cards at the big fancy places the nobles like. Dice is all along the docks and back alleys."

"You've been here before?"

"I was _born_ here Jones. Just let me lead the way and we'll be alright."

That gave me an idea. Anywhere there were shady dice games, there would be cheating. And in a place like Loguetown where the alleys were the property of gangs and pirates… "If you were born here, do you know which gangs claim which territory?"

"It's been a few years- Krieg didn't come here, he was scared of Smoker- so the borders might've changed, but I know where they _used_ to be. I was a member of the Red Dragonets myself until I set out to sea."

"Not looking for them." I ran my fingers over rough brick and stone. In some ways Loguetown reminded me of visiting the older parts of Montreal; similar styles and construction. "Know where the Barto Club holes up?"

"Barto Club?" Ghin frowned up at a gargoyle, thinking. "They were pretty new when I left, but gaining territory quickly. If they kept going at that pace, they probably run half the city by now- or more. But they started down on the south docks, so if they're still around, you can _definitely_ find them there. Why?"

I pulled out the pen Usopp had given me and drew Bartolomeo's mark on the back of my left hand, large and shining black. "We're gonna run a con. Find someone from some other gang on Barto Club territory, spook 'em into giving us their money, and run 'em off. Gimme your hand."

Ghin obliged; I marked him the same way I'd marked myself. "Now, once we find someone, let me do the talking."

"You sure you'll be _able_ to talk? South docks are some of the busiest parts of the city."

"If I have a goal in mind and a mask I can wear, yes. I'll manage; just like serving in a restaurant. But fair warning- I won't sound like myself. Don't comment on it, or you'll give us away."

"Aye-aye Jones."

It didn't take us long to find Barto Club territory- and according to Ghin, we were actually nowhere near the south docks at the time. The former Krieg pirate showed me where to look for gang marks on the walls and what they meant. It was a little like looking for the Thieves' Guild signs in _Skyrim_ , actually. And it took an even shorter time before we found a dice game being run on Bartolomeo's territory by two members of Ghin's old gang, the Red Dragonets. I separated from my companion, slipping into one of my many masks as I approached the wiry, scrappy men.

The blond saw me first. "Come to place a bet, Little Miss? We've been doin' fair well, but yours could be the luck that changes the tide." He used his mandolin to gesture towards the heap of coins and bills he and his partner had amassed.

Said partner was more cautious. A tall man with overlong black hair, he grabbed his energetic companion and held him back. "Hang on a second Miguel. She's got some mark on her hand. Which gang're you from Missy?"

I raised my hand so they could see the mark. Hopefully pen ink would pass as a recently done tattoo. "Boss Barto ain't gonna be 'appy when Oi tell 'im a couple o'Dragonets been playin' on 'is toif. Specially not a pair o'bimbos whose dice is loaded as a bloody noble's wallet." I laid the accent on thick, a mix of Aussie, Newfie, and 1920s gangster.

"You're one o'Barto's?" The blond- Miguel- looked stunned. "I didn't know he let girls run with 'im."

"Need some proof, Mate?" I made a show of rolling up my bloodstained sleeves, preparing for a brawl. In this context, the scars on my arms weren't the marks of an attempted suicide; they looked like signs of previous battles and initiation rites. I grinned at the pair of Dragonets, Finnish crazy.

That simple threat seemed to do it. Successful intimidate check. The raven shoved the blond, fixing him with an accusatory stare. "You gave me loaded dice?!"

"What?" The blond stumbled back, stunned. Ooh, I knew this routine! Except there were no guards around for them to steal swords from. And no bull on the other side of the nearest building- or at least, _there better not be_.

"Listen fellas, I were just sent ta warn ye this toim. Leave the dough an' fuck off. Boss Barto'll be noice if ye keep yer arses off 'is toif."

Fear filled their eyes. Nodding, the two Dragonets took off. Something clattered as they scarpered; they'd dropped their dice. Not even regular dice either; full polyhedral. And what a nice set it was, loaded or not- no, I didn't know if they were _actually_ cheating. Ghin and I had only watched long enough to make sure there were no _real_ Barto Club enforcers around. I pocketed the dice before my companion and I got to work counting the money.

Ghin whistled. "Not bad Jones. Was that just luck, or do you know how to pick a mark?"

"Nah. I just know that Bartolomeo has a pretty vicious reputation. If we really _were_ his, those two wouldn't have gotten a warning. They'd probably have lost fingers instead of just cash. Really, I was doing them a favour."

Chuckling, Ghin shook his head. "Should we look for more, or do you think this is enough?"

"This should be good." All told, there were thirty million beri on the cobblestones in change and assorted bills. There were also three brass buttons, a map of an island I didn't recognize, an ivory armband, two uncut rubies, and a beat-up muffin tin. Nice haul. We left the muffin tin though- Sanji had brought a much better one with him from the _Baratie_.

I rolled down my sleeves and looked up at the sky. Clouds like wet cat fur were already rolling in; we were behind schedule. "Okay, priorities- clothes, tools, weapons, den-den mushi, and an occult shop."

"So you're gonna keep up the witch charade then?"

"Yeah."

No, dear readers, I did _not_ torture Ghin by taking him to the clothing store Nami went to in canon. Everything there was too elaborate and girly for my tastes. A small, colourful shop on the cheap side of town suited me much better, even if it did smell strongly enough of smoke to make even the Loguetown's famous captain cringe. I'm pretty sure some of it was marijuana smoke too; it had that sort of unpleasantly pungent scent. Still, nothing a good wash or three wouldn't get out.

I kept things close to what I'd come to this world wearing- black pants, purple shirt, a new red bandanna. A couple bandoliers and a utility belt- all black- gave me ample storage room for any tools and weapons. What else…? I picked up a red and white coat for when we were in Drum. A dark blue armband with a white lion rampant- I'm calling authorial shenanigans on that one, but I still bought it. The coat of arms of my family. And a hat. Needed one of those at sea; we'd be under the open sun a lot. I wasn't sure of the proper name for the type I picked, but it was black and glossy and the same kind of hat Uncle Indiana wore. Fedora, maybe?

"You'll need to tie your ponytail lower," Ghin said as we exited the clothing store. Since I was already in the process of doing so, holding my hat in my teeth, I rolled my eyes.

"No shit Sherlock."

I won't bother listing everything I bought in the way of tools and miscellaneous equipment. Let's just put it this way- I love _Batman_ and _MacGyver_ and I had a couple years of future knowledge. I prepared for every situation I could fit the answer for in my utility belt. Nothing big though; carrying a messenger bag like Usopp did would mess up my parkour.

We didn't go to the same weapon shop as Zoro, Johnny, and Yosaku; actually, Ghin and I stumbled upon one kind of by accident. It was wedged in between a tattoo parlour and a seedy pub called _The Devil's Drum_ , and gave off a distinctly scuzzy feeling. Judging by some of the types of weapons displayed in the greasy windows, this place was sitting on the fence between the law and the black market. Lovely.

No bell rang as Ghin and I entered, but within seconds the proprietor had emerged from the back room and was eying us with suspicion. He was older than dirt, but his hands still looked like he could split stone with them, and he had a scar on the left side of his face- universal _One Piece_ symbol of extreme badassery. "What're you kids doing here?"

"Looking." Ooh, darkened steel sais with black-wrapped hilts. Weapons work wasn't my specialty, but I'd still feel more comfortable having them if I needed them. And my staff wouldn't cut it against a sword. Sais were easier to carry while doing parkour anyway.

"Little young to be lookin' around a place like this."

"I'm _twenty-three_ ," I told the man as I tested the points of the sais. A tiny sting, a drop of blood; much sharper than anything I'd trained with on Earth. Not that the point was what you generally used- actually, most sais were blunt- but if I _had_ to get stabby, I wanted a good one. "Why does everyone always think I'm younger?"

The store keeper laughed, harsh and rasping. "Maybe cause you still have pimples and your eyes're the size of a seagull's head."

"Lovely image, thank you. You could've just said they were huge." I shuddered as I imagined myself with seagull heads for eyes. Weird.

Suddenly curious, I looked over at Ghin. He was examining a wall full of firearms- right, tonfa may have been his main weapon, but anyone willing to pull a gun on Red Leg Zeff had to be a decent shot. "Ghin… How old're you?"

"You don't know?"

"Nope. You never said." I should come up with a code word for when I was talking about my comic knowledge around civvies.

"Oh. Twenty-seven." Ghin frowned at one of the guns. "Hey, what's this? I've never seen anything like it."

"You've a good eye sir." The proprietor went over and took the firearm down from the wall to give my companion a better look. "New model from the West Blue; it can fire six shots before needing to be reloaded. Bullets go in this drum here, which spins after each shot, see? Course, they have to be made special in a different shape than a regular gun, so ammo's pretty expensive."

Making a face, Ghin handed the pistol back. "New tech; I don't trust it. What if the drum got stuck? I'll stick with what I'm used to. Couple of flintlocks and a few dozen rounds for me. Jones?"

I stared at the six-shooter- and then at a display by the counter that made me grin. "The dark sais, that whip- the black leather bullwhip there- and the six-shooter. With as many rounds as I can get for a hundred thousand beri." It would take my budget for the occult shop lower than I liked, but this was important.

Ghin shot me a skeptical look. "Do you know how to _use_ the whip and pistol?"

"Nope." And it didn't bother me at all.

"Want me to teach you how to shoot at least? I don't know whip, but I can do that much."

"No, I'm good."

"If you don't know how to use them, _why_ do you want them?"

"Family tradition." I paid the shop keeper and slid all my new weapons into place. As for ammo… turned out that what I was willing to pay got me twelve bullets. Modern piercing bullets too, not round shots like Ghin's flintlocks took. Although that would only ever make a difference if for some reason I was forced to shoot my own captain. Ghin shook his head at my answer.

"Where next?" Ghin asked as we left the scuzzy weapon shop. He sounded tired and was starting to get the same worn, suffering expression as my uncles when my grandmother forced them to go shopping with her.

"Den-den mushi. I know we'll get one eventually, but I don't know when or where and I want a way to call allies."

"Do we have any of those?"

"We will."

Anxiety or no, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing when I saw the name on the den-den mushi shop. Indigo and Bond Mushi Depot. IBM. Really, other me? Really? Well, at least you didn't find a way to call it Microsoft or something.

The proprietor here was a young woman with elaborately styled hair. Her name tag said "Bell," because no matter how many times I call her out on it, my writer won't stop with the shenanigans. One wall was lined with tanks full of snails, munching on lettuce and staring at each other with dull eyes. On the opposite wall were shelves full of different models of comm rigs. The girl smiled as Ghin and I walked in.

"Welcome! What can I do for you today?" Bright, cheery, and fake. I knew that particular smile, having often employed it myself. She'd probably been here all day, bored with the slow business; ten bucks said her feet were sore and she was counting the minutes until either shift change or closing.

"Um… I'm looking for an adult den-den that's still small enough to carry around. What kind of rig would you suggest?"

Ghin rolled his eyes as I stuck my hand into a tank full of snails. A few of the molluscs came over to examine my fingers. One, an acid green runt with a purple and red shell, licked me. I picked it up and looked it over. Not that I really knew what I was looking for. But from what I knew about giant snails from my world, this little one looked fully grown. About the size of a large grapefruit, the den-den was more active and curious that I would've expected from its species. It enjoyed trying to lick my glasses.

The girl at the cash went to the rig shelves and started panning through them. "For that? Well… If you think that little guy's the way to go- and I agree, he's small and seems to like you- I'd suggest an Evergreen 2012 rig. It's a little old, but has more range than a lot of the newer ones and is very durable. My little cousin threw hers hard enough to kill the poor snail, but the rig was still fine."

There was a soft squelching noise as the den-den I was holding pulled its head into its shell. Poor thing was terrified. Well, I had to assume they understood at least some English; they were exposed to language often enough. I was a little miffed that the girl was calling the snail a him though- didn't she know they were hermaphroditic? But maybe this was just a summer job for her, like the cashier at a retail pharmacy who might not know anything about most of the medications.

"Sounds good. I won't be throwing it around or anything, but our crew can be pretty… boisterous."

"Understatement," Ghin coughed into his hand. The shop girl beamed.

"Wonderful! Is there anything else?"

I considered the question for a moment. There were video den-den… It would set me back even more in my occult shop budget, but I could get one of those and start a pirate TV show. Or… Could I breed radio den-den? It couldn't be hard, could it? Old style radio mystery stories like _The Silver Shroud_ , a country classics hour Sunday mornings, _War of the Worlds_ -type pranks… Nah, there were already other fanfics where the SI had that kind of schtick. And my erratic anxiety might make a TV show difficult.

"No, we're good." I patted the little den-den on the shell as I took it to the counter to get the rig put on. "Little Samsung's all we need for now." There other me, happy? I can do shenanigans too.

"Excellent! Now, you'll need to pick out a number so I can set up your rig."

"Is area code (705) 671-7171 available?"

"By area code, do you mean island code? Let me check…" The shop girl bit her lip as she flipped through an absolutely massive phonebook. "Yes. 705- Drum Kingdom's island code. I don't know where that is; do you?"

"Yes." Oh, that was perfect. Chopper wouldn't run up long distance charges if he wanted to use Samsung to call home.

It didn't take long for Samsung to get its rig put on. Poor snail trembled the whole time. It was much happier once I'd picked it up and given it its own pocket in my utility belt. Little green eye stalks poked out to look around. Ghin took my hand again as we prepared to leave; the shop girl squealed when she saw.

"Oh my God! Are you two dating? I had no idea! Would you mind if I took a picture to show my brother and his boyfriend? They're always to worried to hold hands when they go out because they never see other men doing it."

"What?!" I squawked, "We're not dating!"

Ghin shook his head. " _That_ 's what you're upset about Jones? Really? Not that she thinks you're a guy?"

 _Yes_. I was totally used to that mistake; I usually encouraged it. "Sorry Ghin. You're a good man and a wonderful crew mate, but I'm afraid I'm not attracted. I've always wanted a big brother though." I rubbed the back of my head with my free hand. "And why would I be mad that someone thought I was male?"

"Because you're not?" The tonfa wielder sounded so confused. I froze.

"Oh, uh, right. Forgot that I haven't talked to anyone about that yet. I'll, um, I'll explain later." Unfortunately, the shop girl caught on to my meaning- or at least part of it- before my subtle nudging could encourage Ghin out the door.

Her eyes went wide; she made a little squeaking sound. And while _she_ was lost for words, her reaction was enough for Ghin to catch on. Being illiterate _definitely_ didn't mean he was dumb. "Wait… Neutral name… Jones, are you some sort of reverse okama?"

"Umm… Not exactly?" I fiddled with my necklace, staring at the cobbled stone of the floor. _Drop it, drop it, let's just head for the occult shop_ , I willed. Too bad telepathy didn't work. Ghin shot the shop girl a look that promised pain if she eavesdropped; she suddenly became absorbed in listening to messages on one of the shop's den-den mushi.

" _Jones_ …" Okay, Luffy and Zoro might be able to do the Sensei voice, but Ghin knew the _mom_ voice. I was _never_ telling him my full name.

"Why does it matter? It's not like there's gonna be much time for dating or anything while we're on all these adventures."

"It matters because as your crew mates- as your _family_ and _friends_ \- we don't want to say or do anything that'll make your already weird and erratic issues worse." Great, tell him I'd always wanted a brother and he immediately plays the family card. He and Ace would get along _great_.

"Fine…" I wound my fingers through fine brass chain, twisting and knotting, tugging everything just a little too tight only to let it fall back to normal right before the chain could snap. "I- sometimes I feel like a girl, and sometimes I feel like a guy. Sometimes I'm both, or neither… I don't feel like I fit in any of the boxes, I'm just _me_. So no, being mistaken for being male doesn't bother me; it means that I look the way I feel- somewhere in between." I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. "A lot of people don't like that. My family included. I'm used to not talking about it."

Ghin nodded. "Well, that sounds like it's definitely part of your problems. Zoro told me how they found you." A callused finger slid into my sleeve to trace the lowest of my scars; I was grateful for the subtlety. "But you know what the Don'll say when you tell the crew? He'll say that as long as it makes you happy, then it's fine. Zoro will grunt and go back to sleep, Usopp will tell some silly story about a woman who can turn into a man whenever she wants, Nami'll question you til she's blue in the face about whether it'll affect your wardrobe and budget. Johnny and Yosaku… They'll probably laugh and brush it off, but they'll never say anything bad. And if they do, just go up on the poop deck when one of them has a midnight watch shift and they'll _both_ be too embarrassed to ever look at you again. No idea about Sanji; he'll probably just be confused."

"You've got everyone pegged pretty well, don't you?" Then my brain caught up to my mouth. "Wait… Johnny and Yosaku?"

"Yep. What? You're surprised?"

"On second thought, not really."

That weight off- having _told_ someone and received a positive reaction- made the anxiety somewhat better when we left the IBM Depot. It also helped that I had Samsung to play with; I fiddled with its rig as Ghin and I walked, figuring out how to set alarms and ringtones. I'd have to record myself whistling a few tunes from my world… Or maybe not. How was _that_ song available as a ringtone on a den-den mushi rig? Shenanigans! But this story's pretty meta anyways, so why not?

By the time Ghin found an occult store, I was beginning to be seriously worried about timing. The rain hadn't started yet, but it would come down any minute. A cool, green-tinged wind swept through the alleys of Loguetown; Dragon was preparing to do… _something_. We had to hurry; I wanted to get to the square in time to see Luffy get hit by lightning.

He's probably the only person you can say that about and not come off sounding like a total douche.

Thirteen silver bells chimed; the scent of rosemary hit me in the face. Ghin coughed as we stepped down into the store. As well as smelling like an Italian kitchen, the shop was very warm and brightly lit- in a large part due to the enormous fireplace at one end. Candles flickered by every shelf, the better to read lacy silver script on books and boxes. Stone and metal glinted everywhere; a stuffed alligator hung from the ceiling in stereotypical fashion.

Ghin looked around with a suspicious eye, not understanding most of the items on display. "What exactly are you looking for Jones?"

"The basics. Alchemy supplies, a couple books about herbs, some crystals and candles, a chalice, an athame, a wand… You can wait outside if you like." Oh, this was a wonderful place. I could spend my whole life in stores like this. Now that I was used to the rosemary, I could smell leather and old paper, silver polish and fresh sawdust. A small fountain burbled somewhere beyond my sight.

"No, I think I'll stay."

"Suit yourself." So many books… Lovely, lovely books bound in tooled leather. I'd only ever seen such books on antiques shows. And I'd never read any of these titles before; paradise. _Voyage of the Absinthe: A Witch's Guide to the Herbs of the World. The Fivefold Tome of the Five Moons. The Grand History of the 101 Most Famous Devil Fruits. Unfamiliar Familiars. Davy Jones' Locker: A Grimoire for the Magickal Traveller._ And so many others… Too, too many books. I sighed, knowing I couldn't afford to buy them all.

Most things were easy to pick out; there wasn't a great deal of variation in alchemy supplies or candles. I made sure to choose a higher end athame, even though that meant I could only get two books instead of three. The box claimed that the blade was made of silver and kairoseki; you weren't supposed to cut anyone with an athame though, unless need was _very_ dire, so I'd probably never know. As far as my library, I chose _Voyage of the Absinthe_ and _Davy Jones' Locker_. I _really_ wanted _Unfamiliar Familiars_ too, but it would be less useful to both the witch masquerade and my use of science.

Like any good Potterite, I saved the wand for last. Obviously, I couldn't swish them around and see sparks fly out the end. This isn't that kind of story. But I still tested several, feeling which one was most comfortable in my hand. The one I ended up with was slightly twisted aspen, about twelve inches or so long, with a lovely knot right where I put my thumb.

Ghin just shook his head as I took my selections to the counter. Then he froze, grabbing my sleeve and tugging. "Jones, look."

I turned to the display that had caught my companion's attention. Gods above and below- a Devil Fruit. In a _store_ of all places. How had the owner managed that? I didn't recognize the fruit though; not one that had been shown in canon. Citrus-shaped, electric blue, it was about the size of my fist. It was also mostly hidden, my view of it blocked by a stack of dusty books and a jar of what appeared to be pickled seahorses.

A tiny, balding man fell off a stool behind the counter, startling me. I hadn't even seen him there. The man was shaking in his boots, looking at me and Ghin like we were Akainu. "Please don't hurt me! I don't know where it came from- just appeared on my wife's lemon tree this morning!"

Well, that was an odd reaction. Wouldn't it make more sense for a shopkeeper to be proud of finding a fruit, and to charge millions of beri for it? I frowned, glancing at Ghin, before turning to the panicky shopkeeper. There was only one explanation I could think of- "You know which one it is?"

"Of course!" A little bit of irritability snuck through his fear, quickly hidden again. The man pointed at a bookshelf with a shaking hand, indicating _The Grand History of the 101 Most Famous Devil Fruits_. "The Force-Force Fruit. Historically _very_ unstable- either does nothing at all, causes its own user to explode, or… Or, in the hands of a smart enough user, allows the performance of _miracles_."

Then the storekeeper slowly rose from his hiding place, shooting me and Ghin odd looks. He was still shaking, though. "You… You mean… You two _don't_ know which Fruit it is? But… Almost anyone who studied Devil Fruits in any capacity would know it on sight. Pirates, marines, nobles…"

Ghin folded his arms. "Well, _clearly_ we haven't studied Devil Fruits." Although he _was_ shooting me a look that asked why _I_ hadn't heard of it. I was too busy worrying about something else to try and answer it, though, because…

Tabarnak. Shenanigans! I call shenanigans! I looked around for the Fourth Wall- invisible, as usual- flipping my author the mental bird. Repeatedly. Seriously other me, you _know_ fruits are based on creativity and perception; you _know_ where my mind goes when I hear the word "force." You _want_ me to get that fruit, don't you? But what if I need to swim?! Like when I pulled Ghin under the _Baratie_ to avoid the gas. And even if I wanted a fruit, it's too soon! I haven't had enough time for character advancement yet!

…I _really_ wanted that fruit…

Biting my lip, I bowed deeply to the storekeeper. "We're sorry for scaring you. We didn't know…"

The storekeeper's jaw dropped; he let out a surprised whimper. "You- You don't want it? You're not going to try and take it, or even buy it from me?"

"Eh?" I shook my head, my ponytail slapping against my face like a thousand tiny whips. "We couldn't _afford_ a Devil Fruit, especially one like that. No, it'll just be these for today." I deposited my selections on the counter, doing my best to appear non-threatening.

Ghin looked like he was about to say something about us being pirates, maybe about taking what we wanted and how that was _expected_ of people who sailed under the Jolly Roger. I stepped sideways and stomped on his foot. Rather than speaking, the former Krieg pirate hissed and moved away from me. A heavy hand swatted me lightly upside the head.

"What was _that_ for?"

"We can't afford the Fruit. End of story. Just… Drop it. Please?"

"Fine…" Ghin sighed heavily, reaching over to poke me in the forehead. "Now… _Don't_ stomp on my foot like that again. It's annoying, and you won't like what I do to people who annoy me."

"Okay. Sorry."

Not that I didn't _want_ the Fruit, but… I flipped my author yet another mental bird as I paid for my witch's kit, handing money to the storekeeper as he continued to shake- now with relief. The occult angle suited my pre-existing knowledge and talents better anyway. Maudit… The temptation though. Mean writer…

A few drops pattered against the windows; the rain was finally starting. "Come on Ghin, we need to get to the main square. In about ten minutes, D will bring a storm… Or be in a storm at least… Regardless, there will be Ds and there will be a storm."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"For once, neither do I." The rain and the time limit overrode my anxiety. There wouldn't be many people on the streets now anyway; they were all either indoors or in the square. I didn't wait for Ghin to hold my hand this time. I _ran_.

The cobblestones were already slippery under my feet. It didn't help that I was adjusting to new weights bought earlier that day; my balance was off, each step heavier than I was used to, each arm movement carrying more momentum. Rain whipped into my face from Dragon's stupid green wind, dripping down my glasses and making it impossible to see. Hmm… I wonder why no one's ever made windshield wipers for glasses. Maybe I could get Franky to invent some when we got to Water Seven.

Between my rain-drenched glasses and the weights, there was a set of stairs that I was unable to see in time to stop. It was a short flight on the edge of the main square, coming down from a raised walkway beside a bank. "Tabarnak!"

The world shifted into slow motion, as it often did when I screwed up in parkour. At least this time I wasn't doing a kong vault over a five-foot drop. I could catch myself easily enough, but with the training weights and all the weapons and such I was carrying, it was gonna be murder on my wrists and ankles. Oh well, as long as my glasses didn't get broken. I braced for impact.

Except it never came. A hand grabbed me by the back of my shirt, holding me airborne like a naughty kitten. I looked around, but couldn't see who it was through the rivulets of water. Having glasses sucks. There was some blue, but other than that… Whoever it was, they were pretty tall though. I squirmed, but no matter what I tried, my feet couldn't reach the ground.

"Are you alright Miss?" Unfamiliar voice asking hated question- not a crew member. Instead of trying to reach the ground, I twisted around and tried to kick whoever was holding me.

"Easy, easy." The tall person put me down. "Sorry; I thought you needed help."

I took my glasses off and wiped them on the edge of my shirt. It did no good; the rain was getting heavier. And squinting with my bare eyes didn't help either. Blurry blue and black, with a lighter patch where a face should be.

"No, it's fine. Thanks. Sorry I overreacted; I- I've never been here before, and I don't like people touching me at the best of times." I bowed, karate style. My rescuer returned the gesture in a more British way.

"Understandable." There was a huff of laughter, but not enough for me to identify him by.

Squinting through the rain, I could sort of see the execution stand. It was still standing, and there was something moving around on top of it. "Um… Can you see what's going on up there? Sorry; it's just, with my glasses…"

"Of course. I have a few minutes; my boss is occupied elsewhere and I've already completed what he asked me to do. Buggy the Clown's captured a young man in a straw hat. Or boy, actually- _he_ 's currently trapped in the stocks and trying to scratch an itch somewhere on his face."

I nodded and listened more carefully to the noise of the square. Even as far away as I was, Buggy's voice was audible if I paid attention. "-for which the punishment is a flashy death! Be honoured Straw Hat- I'm going to kill you in the same place the pirate king met his end!"

"Straw Hat doesn't look particularly concerned by that statement," my companion noted wryly. I grinned.

"No, he wouldn't be. My captain's the sort to laugh in the face of danger."

"Captain?" Water splashed off a dark blur above my companion's head as he cocked his head to the side. So it was a hat of some kind then. "He's a little young for the title… And you don't look like a marine."

I shook my head, water splashing off my hat. "We're not even close to marines, and Luffy'd punch you in the face for suggesting it. He wants to be free; marines aren't. We're… adventurers." Since I couldn't see who I was talking to, I didn't know whether it was safe to tell him we were pirates or not. "Treasure hunting, bringing in a few bounties, having fun…"

"Bet his grandfather won't be too happy about that."

"What?" Well, Luffy _did_ look like Garp. Anyone who knew the old marine would probably figure it out.

"I- I don't know." My companion shook his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't be making comments about your captain's grandfather when I've never met him. Aren't- aren't you going to try and get him out? I think Buggy really means to kill him."

"He'll be fine."

My cool confidence was shaken a moment later. Not because I was any less certain the lightning bolt would come- if Dragon was controlling it, there's no way he would let his son die this young. But it's one thing to know that intellectually, and another to _feel_ it when you can see the flash of a moving sword even through the blur of rain and distance. Another thing to keep yourself calm when you hear Zoro and Sanji's wordless shouts of panic, denial, and anger ringing out across the square as they raced towards the stand. It was another thing entirely to remain still when Luffy's voice washed over the crowd loud and clear, strong and calm and so much more _serious_ than I'd imagined it when I first read the comics.

"Zoro! Sanji! Ghin! Sorry guys- looks like I'm dead!"

"LUFFY!" He hadn't seen me, didn't know I was there until I shouted, but that fact didn't register with me until later- because for several minutes, all I was aware of was ringing in my ear. I wasn't the only one shouting from this side of the plaza. And the other voice was that of my unknown companion, screaming in my ear.

Extra weight or not, I was halfway across the square in the second before the lightning flashed, adrenaline giving my feet wings. The man I'd been standing with was actually ahead of me with his longer legs. Then a flash of blue-white exploded through the air, blinding and painful. I closed my eyes and didn't bother to open them; I was already functioning more or less without them anyway. Thunder shook the air. Somewhere to my left, someone screamed. A woman, I think, although it could've been Bartolomeo. Then came a series of pops, cracks, crashes… The collapse of the execution stand. A rubbery thud somewhere amid it all that was Luffy falling to the ground.

I opened my eyes again due to tripping over a piece of rubble. This time the person who caught me was familiar- Ghin. Zoro and Sanji were nearby, warding away Buggy's crew mates with swords, shoes, and cigarette. Not that anyone would've been willing to come near even if they'd been unarmed and wearing powder pink tutus, their glares were that fierce.

Sorry, dear readers, for that scarring mental image.

Off behind me, I could hear Smoker shouting at his men. "Don't let Alvida and Buggy escape! Bring out the kairoseki nets! Let's move it people! And someone dig out the kid's body so we can give it to his family!"

A rustle of straw; a rubbery snap. "Ah! Not dead; that's nice."

"Luffy!" My blurry blue companion from earlier appeared to be smothering my captain. Since I was confident in Luffy's ability to at least hold him at bay for a little while, I turned my attention to Smoker as the marine captain approached. Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin shared my opinion.

"Straw Hat's alright?" Smoker put out a cigar on a piece of rubble, lighting a fresh one immediately afterwards. I pulled my bandanna up over my nose so I didn't have to smell it.

"Yeah." Zoro sheathed his swords. "Captain's got a Devil Fruit; crushing him's not really an option."

"But the lightning…"

"Rubber's an insulator." Sanji blew smoke rings and wiped sopping strands of hair out of his visible eye.

"Gum-Gum Fruit," Ghin clarified when Smoker still looked confused. The marine captain nodded.

"So you're more members of that bounty hunter crew that brought Arlong in? I'm glad your captain's alright; we need more kids like you working with the marines. Soldiers can't get everywhere."

A marine who approved of freelance bounty hunting? Odd. Tashigi seemed to think so too, as she squeaked in protest somewhere in the distance. No words though. Then again, this was Smoker, the wild card who was willing to follow Luffy to Alaba- Tabarnak. Ace wasn't the only one whose presence down the line was affected by the bounty poster.

Luffy finally managed to poke his head out of the blue blur's clutches. "We're not bou- hey! Someone help this guy- I think he's hurt. Someone get him some meat!"

The sudden change was jarring, but probably saved our bacon. Everyone froze in confusion, even me. Then, in the awkward silence, I started to hear a voice in my head- the one that accompanied all the workplace safety videos I'd had to watch. I knelt down to have a look at the blue man as Luffy squirmed free. Now I was able to angle my hat to keep the rain out of my eyes; I wiped my glasses clean on my pants and got my first good look at the blue man's face.

You've probably already guessed what I saw. Fair skin that met red, twisting scars, still angry and raised ten years after their birth. Soaked golden hair that poked in wavy, haphazard spikes from under a battered black top hat. Cracked blue goggles. Closed eyelids fluttering as the mind underneath processed years of missing memories. He had a slight fever, but no visible injuries.

"No, he's alright."

Luffy crouched next to me with a frown. "You sure Jones? One minute he was hugging me and being all weird, then he went floppy like a dead fish!" My captain poked Sabo's cheek.

"I'm sure; he'll be fine. He just needs some rest. If you're worried, we can take him back to the ship and keep an eye on him until he wakes up- although his boss might come for him first."

"Okay. Let's do that." Luffy picked Sabo up over his shoulder. Zoro, Sanji, Ghin, and I fell in around our captain as we started to head back to the _Going Merry_. Smoker stepped in front of us before we could go far.

"You should take him to a hospital."

Red flag, red flag! No way could we take Sabo to a hospital- even if this world didn't have the same sort of medical records and such as I was used to, leaving the _chief of staff of the revolutionary army_ in a hospital would only lead to him getting discovered. Maudit! The problem was Smoker; he was a halfway-benevolent authority figure, especially right now when he didn't know we were pirates. This, naturally, meant that the idea of talking to him terrified me. I stared at the ground, memorizing the stitches on the marine captain's boots as I tried to figure out what to say. Zoro nudged me when I'd paused for too long. That turned out to be exactly what I needed.

I straightened my spine, clicking my heels together as I snapped my head up to meet Smoker's gaze- or at least make it look like I was. As usual, I was employing the trick of staring in between his eyebrows. "We can't do that sir. This man is a member of our crew with highly specialized medical requirements and a chronic psychological ailment. Unless the doctors at your hospital are willing to allow me free reign in their facilities, his care is better handled on our ship."

A dubious raised eyebrow was my response. "You're a doctor, Miss?"

"I spent five years working in a surgeon's office and have extensive experience with herbs and mental disorders. For this man's particular case, you'll find no one in this world more qualified than me." Smoker didn't need to know that I'd been the surgeon's filing clerk, that my experience with mental disorders was mostly in suffering from them, or that the reason I was qualified to look after Sabo was my knowledge of his backstory and amnesia.

Smoker paused for a moment, considering. Then he nodded and stepped out of the way. "Please make sure you contact the hospital if you need any assistance."

"Of course."

My legs felt like jelly as we walked away. I couldn't believe I'd done that; it was like some sort of demented job interview. As soon as we were out of sight of the marines, I found myself leaning over on Zoro. "That was- that was terrifying." My _everything_ was shaking. The swordsman sighed and patted my head.

"Well, if you have to be a compulsive liar, at least you make 'em believable."

"Words are a form of self-defence too, like a feint while fencing. The pen is mightier than the sword."

Zoro chuckled and patted my head again. "In your hands, at least."

There were no further events or interruptions as we headed back to the ship through pouring rain. I kept looking around for Dragon, but he was nowhere to be seen. Nami, Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku were waiting at the rails when the rest of us got back to the _Going Merry_. Sanji immediately started to yell at the sniper.

"Oi, Longnose! That Elephant Bluefin better be stored properly, or I'm gonna fry _you_!"

"I know how to unload groceries!"

Sanji chomped on his cigarette. "I'll be the judge of that." He stomped off to the kitchen as soon as he was aboard.

Luffy took Sabo into the men's cabin while the rest of us prepared to set sail. Just because Smoker didn't know we were pirates yet didn't mean we were about to stick around for him to find out. The wood of the deck was slick, and the rigging was swollen with water; gripping and maneuvering was hard. I found myself tying off a foresail line next to Zoro as he raised the anchor.

"You were right about that Tashigi woman and her sword collecting thing. Annoying. We're not gonna be running into her again, are we? Don't think she'll believe the dojo story after what happened at the square." Zoro spat the word story, his distaste at being told to lie evident.

"We _would've_ , but with Smoker not being after us… Barring any bizarre disasters or plot twists, no, I don't think we'll be seeing her again any time soon." And no, that was _not_ a suggestion, other me.

It wasn't long before Luffy came out and joined in the work. He frowned at me as he hauled one of the lines on the mizzen mast. "Jones… Who's the blue guy? You said he's my dad's chief of staff, but… If it was just that, he wouldn't have hugged me like that. Do I know him? He looks kinda familiar."

I wiped my bangs out of my eyes. My hat was doing nothing to keep the rain from plastering them to my forehead. "You knew him… A long time ago." Tabarnak. I hadn't expected to be having this conversation anywhere near this soon.

Luffy poked my cheek. I shoved his hand away; he whined in retaliation. "Tell me! Tell me!"

"Wait for him to wake up. He can tell you himself."

"Stingy." My captain pouted, an expression that made him look much younger than his seventeen years.

X

The rain let up faster than I was expecting. We were barely out of sight of Loguetown. With the calming of the storm, less adjustment was needed- everyone was able to rest for a moment. I sat down on a rail; with all the shopping, today was already out as far as training was concerned. That would be the usual case when we landed, probably.

I pulled one of my new books out and began to read. Herbalism- right up my alley. _Voyage of the Absinthe_ focused both on biological aspects and symbolism of the plants. Absorbed, I was about thirty pages in when a heavy thump and vibrating rail indicated that someone had come to join me. When I looked up, I saw Ghin leaning on the rail and Johnny and Yosaku standing in front of me. The hopeless bounty hunters were fidgeting; Johnny had something hidden behind his back.

"Guys… What's going on? Did Johnny and Yosaku steal Zoro's haramaki or something? I'm not gonna protect you; actually, I'll probably laugh while he beats you up."

"It's not that," Yosaku assured me. I frowned.

"Then what's up?"

Ghin stared at the sky. On anyone else, I would've said he was trying and failing to look innocent. From Ghin, the expression looked more like a self-satisfied smirk. He wasn't wearing his headband; he looked younger without it. "You know, when Luffy wants something, he starts to drool and his eyes glow."

Johnny nodded. "And Big Bro Zoro frowns and smiles while his eyes get all white."

"Big Sis Nami's eyes turn into beri symbols," Yosaku added.

"Okay… Is this going somewhere?"

"You're hard to read Jones." Ghin huffed. "Your eyes don't do anything, and it's weird. But in the occult store you saw that fruit and looked like a lost puppy. Also like you wanted to kill someone, but I figured it'd be best to leave that alone unless it was me. So when you ran off, I went and found these two clowns. While the Don was getting himself blown up in the square, they went to the occult shop and picked up the fruit."

Yosaku frowned thoughtfully. "Shopkeeper seemed awfully keen to get rid of it, actually. Like he thought if it got out that he had it, someone would come after him." The green hunter shrugged.

"What?!" I dropped my book. Beaming, Johnny pulled a box from behind his back and waved it around.

"Of course, we can't give it to Big Sis for free. She's gotta help us with something first!" The blue bounty hunter's face was the definition of a shit-eating grin.

Merde, I wanted that fruit. Whether to eat it or to throw it away, I couldn't decide yet. Stupid, stupid writer, doing this so early in the story! "What do I have to do?"

"Well, we were hoping you'd know a way to make Big Bro Zoro lose his cool. Stealing his haramaki doesn't work, and we're too scared to touch his swords."

"Seriously? That's all?" Then- "Wait? You've already _tried_ stealing his clothes?"

Yosaku nodded; Johnny bit his lip, his grin still in place. The green bounty hunter continued where his partner had left off. "We'd prefer something where if he gets pissed off, he won't know it was us."

That was… a dangerous proposition. And for better or for worse, I knew _exactly_ what to do. "While he and Sanji are sleeping, arrange it so when they wake up, they'll almost kiss. They'll be so ticked off at each other, they won't think of whether anyone else might be responsible." Prank advice… That was an absurdly cheap price to pay for a Devil Fruit, even one most people considered useless. "This isn't everything, is it? I'm basically your prank bitch until further notice, aren't I?"

My answer was a pair of brilliant smiles and rattling nods. A wooden box thumped onto my lap. I sighed and glared at Ghin. "You… I blame you."

He shrugged. "I don't make the shits, but I'm not above disturbing them.

X

The whole crew was in the galley, having dinner. A splatter of mashed potatoes smacked into the side of my face; I turned to glare at Luffy. He whistled and looked away. So… The potatoes were intentional, vengeance for me not telling him anything about the gentleman currently lying in the men's cabin. Huh, I didn't know my captain had it in him to be passive-aggressive.

"Sorry Captain, but I'm tired of being Miss Exposition. Besides… In this case, it's better if he explains himself."

"Stingy!"

I wondered how long it would take Sabo to wake up. It was about three days in canon, right? But those were different circumstances. And… What if Dragon came for his chief of staff? Explaining why we had Sabo would _not_ be fun. There had to be a way to wake the blue gentleman up faster… Maybe… He had an extraordinary big brother instinct in canon, but that was after Ace had died. Would it still exist now?

"One moment please." I excused myself from the table and went belowdecks. Knocking was pointless; no one was conscious inside to answer. So I climbed down to the men's cabin and sat on the floor beside the couch. I placed my hand on Sabo's forehead. Good. His fever had already gone down.

"Outlook Sabo, if you can hear me, you need to wake up. Monkey D Luffy's in danger of being eaten by a giant crocodile."

"Not again!" Sabo shot off the couch, grabbing his pipe faster than I could blink. "Ace, get the…" He trailed off into silence. I waved.

"Girl from the execution square. You're not Ace." Sabo sat down and rubbed his temples. "I have the Grandpa Garp of all headaches. What happened? Is Lu alright?"

"Come with me and see for yourself."

Heeled boots clicked behind me as I led Sabo through the _Going Merry_. Wasn't he supposed to be a guerilla fighter? How could he pull stealth ops when his footwear made that much noise? Well, I mean, he could change his shoes or something, but from what I'd seen on screen and paper, _no one_ ever did that here.

As soon as I opened the galley door, a blur of blue shot past me. "Luffy!"

"What?!" My captain was subjected to a taste of his own medicine as he was knocked to the floor by a flying blond. Wow. Two years less to mature made Sabo a _lot_ more affectionate. Or maybe it was because Koala and Hack weren't here, so he didn't feel the need to be professional.

Luffy wriggled free and climbed onto Zoro's back, peering over the swordsman's shoulder. Zoro's reaction to this behavior was to shake his head and place a hand on his swords. "Who're you?"

Sabo sat cross-legged on a bare patch of table, earning a growl from Sanji. The blue gentleman ignored the sound until the cook went to kick him; in that case, a steel pipe whipped up to block. Mournful blue eyes stared at Luffy as a black-gloved hand fiddled with the edge of a blue waistcoat.

"And I thought I was the only one who didn't remember." Sabo placed his pipe so it was leaning against a wall and took off his hat, running his fingers around the band that held his goggles in place. "Lu… When I saw the stand get hit by lightning, I thought you were _dead_. Crushed, burned, broken… I'm so glad you're alive!"

Dark brown eyes stared at Sabo's hat, too deep in thought to respond. That didn't keep Nami from glaring at the blue gentleman, her eyes glowing red. "Who the Hell _are_ you?"

"Lu- Luffy never told you about me? I'm his big brother."

Usopp frowned. "You're Ace? Luffy and Jones talk about you sometimes, but it sounded like we wouldn't be meeting you til we were pretty far down the Grand Line."

Two heads shook- a blond in denial, a raven in disbelief. "No, I'm not Ace, although I'm glad to hear he's doing alright."

"He's _Sabo_ …" Luffy's voice was the quietest I'd ever heard it, as if he thought this was a dream and he was afraid of waking himself up. "Sabo's… not dead?"

"No Lu, I'm not. I'm right here."

Luffy jumped from Zoro's shoulders, launching himself into Sabo's chest. This had the side-effect of sending our swordsman ploughing face first into the table. Everyone was spattered with droplets of salt water; Luffy's eyes were overflowing.

"Sabo!" His brother's name was the only coherent word the rubber boy was able to form. Luffy's tears made short work of soaking through Sabo's waistcoat and shirt. The blond gentleman didn't seem to mind, patting my captain's back and grinning.

"Heh. You better not let Ace see you like this Lu. You know he hates crybabies."

"Ace's gonna punch you for being gone so long," Luffy mumbled. Sabo nodded.

"I know. I'm _so_ sorry about that; I was hurt bad when my boat blew up. Hit my head… And a few other things. I didn't remember _anything_ before waking up in the infirmary until I saw that stand get hit by lightning… I thought you were _dead_ … If you were- God Luffy, if you'd died and I'd been _that close_ and not able to save you…"

Luffy raised his head and grinned. "But I'm not dead, so it's all good, ne?"

"It is indeed. So Lu, how bout introducing me to your crew?"

"Oh yeah!" My captain squirmed around until he was sitting in his big brother's lap, able to point each of us out in turn. "That's Zoro! He fights with three swords- so cool!- and he's gonna be the greatest swordsman in the world one day. Jones calls him the bosun cause he's good at stopping people from fighting- unless he wants to fight them too. He sleeps and drinks a lot."

"Don't go putting words in my mouth Captain," I growled, "I never called him that."

Ghin patted my back. "Just give up Jones. You're the one who told him about those titles, and pirate stories are the one thing that never leaves his head."

Sabo, overhearing Ghin, laughed. "Right on the money; you've pegged my little brother perfectly. Go on Lu."

My captain grinned and obliged. "Second's Nami! She's a thief and the best navigator ever! Or sailing master, or whatever. She grows tangerines on deck, but she says I'm not allowed to eat them."

"They've barely even sprouted!" Nami reached over to slap Luffy upside the head. He was too excited about having Sabo around to notice.

"Shishishi! Nami's funny! Then that one's Usopp, master gunner, sniper… thing. He makes all kinds of cool bullets and shoots even better than Yasopp!"

The sniper flushed and rubbed the back of his head, beaming with pride. "Well, I did just beat Daddy the Father in a shooting competition. It's how I won these neat goggles- shot right through the eye of a weathervane!"

"And for once, he's not lying," I added before anyone could question it.

"Sanji's the cook; he makes the best food ever! Even better than Makino's! But he kicks me out of the galley all the time; it's not fair. Only Jones should get kicked out."

The cook in question blew a smoke ring at Luffy. "Shitty captains who eat everything are even more of a problem than Cordon Bleurgh chefs. I'm _not_ changing my mind."

Sabo laughed; Luffy pouted as he continued. "The one with the cool dragon jacket's Ghin. He's the oldest and he has weird tonfa with cannonballs on the end. Ghin knows lots of things about how to make _Merry_ go faster, and he's the best at switching all the lines around. I bet he and Nami could sail her on their own if they had to! Or, well, Nami already can… Ah! And Ghin follows Jones around a lot because she helped him escape from some marines, even though she says he could've gotten out himself. I don't really get it."

"Gak!" Sanji choked, nearly inhaling his cigarette. I slapped him hard on the back in an attempt to help, wondering what was wrong. Zoro rolled his eyes.

"Leave Swirly Brow on his own Jones. He'll be fine."

"Shitty Moss Head." The cook sat down with a huff.

Luffy beamed at the commotion before moving on, waving his hand at our apparent Weasely twins. "Those're Johnny and Yosaku. They worked with Zoro when he was a bounty hunter, and they do _everything_ together. Even watch shifts. They're wimps, but they're funny! They even managed to prank Jones using one of her own word game things."

The pair drooped. "We're not wimps… We just can't come close to Big Bro Luffy, Big Bro Zoro, and Big Bro Sanji."

"And the last one's Jones. She makes my brain hurt lots and keeps doing stupid things that burn her face. We don't know much about her yet cause she's like Ace and doesn't trust people even when they're her friends. Jones's stingy and won't play with Usopp'n me, even though I know she wants to." Luffy pouted. "And we still don't have a musician."

Sabo hugged Luffy tightly, resting his chin on golden straw. "Well, it looks like you've got the start of a good little crew here. And I suppose I should thank Jones; if she hadn't come tearing down those stairs and asked me to describe what was happening in the square, I wouldn't have been looking when the stand… Fell…" The blue gentleman was silent for a moment. Of course; his dream had been to write about his adventures. As both a writer and a tactician, Sabo was used to asking "What if?"

Then a brilliant smile lit up that scarred face. "Ha! You didn't even know I was alive, and I _still_ got to see you and your crew before Ace! He's gonna be so jealous!"

"Mhm!" Luffy nodded. "He's gonna punch you _twice_! Oh! Wait! Sabo- Jones says you work for my dad. If we're brothers, does that make him yours and Ace's dad too? Ace might like that better than… You know…"

"Probably. Wait… You have a dad? DRAGON IS YOUR DAD?!" Sabo grabbed Luffy's face and pulled it around, examining every detail. "You don't look anything like him!"

"That's what I said too! But Jones says he's my dad, and she knows lots of stuff, so she's gotta be right! Or… I guess she could be lying. Jones lies a lot, but it's really hard to tell cause even her lies sound part true. But I don't think she'd lie about this!"

"I would never-!" I scowled at the table. "Yes, I lie a lot. I try not to, but I can't always stop myself. Especially when I'm scared. And I leave a lot out, even when it wouldn't be a spoiler. But lying about who your father is could endanger the crew! I would never do that- or, well, not intentionally."

The light coming in the portholes dimmed; everyone stared at me. I shrunk into my seat, trying to disappear into the deepening shadows. Even without looking at anyone directly, I could sense their emotions. Confusion. Distrust. Wariness. Exasperation. Pity. Maybe I should've tried harder to tone down my erratic behaviour; I _knew_ people couldn't always keep up, that they'd think I was crazy. Sanji had already mentioned it. "Sorry…"

No one said a word. A chill ran up my spine as the shadows grew even darker. Then a deep voice came from behind me, rough and sardonic. "Well, she'd not wrong. Although I'd like to know _how_ she got that information."

Merde. I turned my head slowly, unable to bring myself to look up. Dark green fabric met my gaze; the hem of a cloak. A lump of fear swelled in my throat. Oops. I cringed, instincts screaming at me to hide under the table. For a moment I ignored them; then my brain caught up, reminding me that in this world, I didn't have to follow the social conventions I was used to. This wasn't a job interview or a class- this was a very dangerous man who I may or may not have just pissed off. So I slid down off the bench.

Dragon grabbed me before I could get fully under the table, hoisting me up by the front of my shirt. "Are you a spy? I knew Father couldn't keep a secret… Who do you work for? How did you find out about my son?"

I couldn't answer. My lips formed words, but no sound was coming out. More shivers were running up and down my back now, like trains flying past each other. And then Dragon growled and _glared_ , and the train was no longer running on a track in my spine. It was coming straight for me, crashing against my mind. I have no idea if Dragon gave me a full blast of Haoshoku Haki or not, but whatever I experienced was more than enough.

It started with a wash of light, every colour of the rainbow, that filled my vision. Then came the sound, a relentless B flat played on the world's largest trombone. Pain and cold were next, the sting of an entire blizzard of whipping snow frying every nerve. The scent of the sea filled my nose; my mouth tasted of blood. And the emotions… crushing depression and insignificance, worse than I'd felt the night this whole thing began. I wanted to faint- or puke, I couldn't decide. Maybe both? Both sounded good.

Right before I passed out, a low growl cut through the chaos of sensations. "Put. Her. _Down_."

Rubber swished through cloth; I dropped to the floor with a thud. If there was any pain from the impact, I couldn't feel it, still caught up in the aftershock of Dragon's will. My brain didn't want to function; I could barely breathe. All I could do was curl up into a little ball, shaking and soundless. Luffy stood over me, glaring up at his father.

"What did you do to Jones?"

"She wasn't answering me; I gave her a little taste of what happens to spies when I catch them. I can't afford to go easy on someone like that; especially not when it comes to you."

"Jones isn't a spy; she's a member of _my crew_. And yeah, she knows lots of things she shouldn't, but there's a reason. I don't think she'd want me to tell you though."

Dragon looked like he was about to argue; Sabo stepped up beside Luffy. "Sir… Dragon, I don't know this girl well enough to vouch for her personally, but I know Lu. He's always been able to tell if someone had good intentions or not. If he trusts her, we can too."

"And she _did_ keep Smoker from taking your chief of staff to a hospital," Zoro pointed out.

"And _how_ do you know my son?" Dragon demanded of Sabo, turning his glare away from me for a moment. The blue gentleman gripped the brim of his hat with one hand.

"Sir… He's my brother. I- Before you met me the night Grey Terminal burned, I was a runaway. I spent five- almost six- years as a runaway, living in the woods with two other boys because I hated my noble family. Those boys were Portgas D Ace and Monkey D Luffy. We exchanged sake and became brothers…"

"So your memories are back." Dragon's voice was less angry now, but darker. "Does this mean you'll be leaving us?"

"No! Of course not! I believe in the revolution, and even if I'm worried about Lu, I trust his crew to look after him- even Jones. Lu's always had good taste in friends." Both the revolutionary leader and the blue gentleman looked down at me, Sabo smiling, Dragon with grim consideration.

Still shaking, I uncurled and struggled to find my voice. "D-Dragon… You asked me who I w-worked for… I serve Monkey D Luffy, king of the pirates."

"See?" Luffy glared at his father, fists clenched at his sides. Dragon considered him for a moment, then… Laughed?

"Shehehehe! Well, at least you grew up strong. And a pirate, eh? That's fine by me. So you're aiming for Roger's old throne?"

"Yeah." Luffy nodded. "We're gonna be the best. The strongest, the freest… I promised Shanks I'd meet him again with a crew even tougher and cooler than his."

Dragon grinned, though he was still eying me with suspicion. "You have a lot of confidence in your crew… And they have a lot of faith in you as well. I look forward to seeing where you go… My son. But keep in mind, if I find out this Jones girl's been spewing things she shouldn't know to the wrong ears… She won't last the night."

The most wanted man in the world spun away in a swirl of green. "Come along Sabo; the ship's waiting outside."

Grabbing his pipe, the blue gentleman made to follow his leader. He paused at the last moment. "You guys… Thanks for looking after my little brother. I know he's a handful, but you seem to be doing a good job so far. Still… You have a den-den mushi, right?"

Samsung poked its head out of my utility belt without anyone having to answer. Sabo spotted the snail as it inched to the table to steal Yosaku's carrots. "Good. Give me your number."

That was _not_ a request. I scribbled the number down and gave it up; Sabo folded it and slipped it into his pocket. "Thank you. I'll purchase a den-den of my own shortly and give you the number for that; the only one I have right now is for work, not personal calls. Expect to be hearing from me frequently." Heeled boots clicked on wood as he swept out of the galley.

For several more minutes, no one moved. Even Zoro was shaken from meeting Dragon, though he'd been one of the ones to stand up to the man. Then Sanji cleared his throat, reminding everyone that we had yet to finish our food. Like that, the spell was broken. We all resumed our places around the table. I let out a shaky chuckle and shoved some mashed potatoes around my plate.

"Before anyone asks… No, I did _not_ see that coming." Well played, other me, well played.

X

For the first time in several days, I was able to go down to my place in the cargo hold to sleep. One of the fishmen had left a present for me, in the form of a dead and rotting cod bundled up in my bed. No, I don't know how he got it. I growled and threw the fish corpse out a porthole before flipping the canvas all around to the clean side. I'd have to wash it the next day, but at the moment I was too tired to care about the smell.

Too tired and too _down_. I just couldn't shake off the effects of Dragon's will. So small, so weak… Pathetic. Pain and fear and crushing weight. Wasn't there a weapon that did something like that in _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_? Showed you how very tiny you were in the scheme of the universe? And I was no Zaphod Beeblebrox- there was no safety net for me to bounce back from that. My forearms twinged.

Without thinking, I rolled up my sleeves and pulled out my knife. The blade gleamed in the dim light. But… I'd promised that I wouldn't. It was so hard though… Well, I'd only promised not to try suicide, hadn't I? Promised that I'd do my best to _live_ with the time I was given. Maybe if I didn't go too far, just a little pain was alright. So I kept the scratches shallow, barely enough to draw a single drop of blood. By the time I'd drawn each line, the previous one had already clotted. And I traced them over the scars my crewmates already knew, so they'd be harder to see. Twelve faint, stinging lines.

"What do you want from me?" My voice came out a choked sob. Quiet, and yet far too loud in the lonely dark. "You sit behind your keyboard and throw these situations at me, hurt me… All I can do is keep going and try not to be a Mary Sue, hope my mood swings don't make your writing look like a hack. If you're looking to live vicariously through my adventures, I can't help you. I'm just as weird and broken as you are."

A shift in the clouds caused a beam of moonlight to move, sliding sideways until it lit up the box Johnny and Yosaku had given me. I coughed out a solitary bark of laughter. "You're still on about that? Really? I told you, it's too early in the story. I haven't had enough character development, haven't really _done_ anything. I don't deserve it yet."

That didn't stop the temptation to open the box from being _very_ strong. Eventually it proved too much for me; I flipped open the latch and looked inside. The fruit had been electric blue sitting in the store. Under the moonlight like this, it seemed to glow like Luke's lightsabre in _A New Hope_. Yes, the Force-Force Fruit is a _Star Wars_ reference, I get it.

"Most of your abilities can be replicated with Haki anyway," I accused the fruit, remembering the _Jedi Path_ book I'd bought two years before in Chapters. The fruit, being a fruit, didn't reply.

It made me wonder why, though, the shopkeeper would've been so scared of people knowing he had it. So quick to give it away. An erratic fruit that either did nothing or allowed miracles… Actually, there were probably a lot of people willing to take that gamble. And unlike the native of the _One Piece_ world who'd be stuck figuring things out through trial and error, I knew the source material.

The images wouldn't get out of my head. Being able to push people back without touching them. Lifting things with my mind. Not having to get up when I dropped a pencil. And maybe… Sith lightning? Would that work? If a Devil Fruit's only limit is your imagination of the power, and I knew the powers available to both light side and dark…

Hmm… Would a Force Devil Fruit in a non-Star Wars world force me to deal with the Light and Dark sides? Or would it just grant me free use of the powers? I'd rather _not_ have to screw around with all the philosophical bits- not with _my_ views on morality. I would _not_ be happy if my writer made me into a whiny little bitch like Anakin from the prequels.

"Arlong's right, just not the way he thought." I flipped my writer the bird. " _You're_ the daughter of the devil, other me. Just can't leave things be; always have to push. Fine. I'll go along with your ham-handed character building for now. But if you try and layer weird names onto my karate techniques…" I left the threat open. She would probably imagine plenty of wonderful torments I could use, should the need arise.

Biting into the Force-Force Fruit was an exercise in self-discipline. It had the pulpy texture of a bruised and overripe apple, and the smell of an old sock. I nearly vomited at the taste- I know that's an overused description of these things, but it's accurate. The Force-Force Fruit tasted like bread mold and burning pine sap, iron rust and used baby diapers. And I have this nasty habit of prolonging things, chewing things I dislike longer where I swallow the good ones quickly. It was torture. About the only thing that kept me from gagging and giving up was the memory of one of my friends from back on Earth. If she ever read this story and saw me wasting food- of any sort- she would find a way to make both me _and_ my writer pay. She was even worse than Sanji… Who happened to be her favourite character. That explained so much.

Once the fruit was gone, I immediately looked for some way to get rid of the taste. Water wouldn't work- not strong enough- and I didn't want to go on deck right now. Johnny and Yosaku were on watch and I didn't want to see anything… _questionable_. In the end, I picked at one of the scabs on my arm until it yielded a few more drops of blood for me to lap up. Much better. Blech. How much worse was one of those fruits for someone whose sense of taste was better than mine? Since I apparently used inedible levels of spices whenever I cooked…

"Okay, now what? Use the Force, Jones." I pointed at a roll of paper towel on the other side of the hold and willed it to fly over to me. It wiggled a little and fell over. I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair.

"Well, at least you're not making this _that_ easy, other me. TANSTAAFL. Looks like I have another thing to add to my training schedule." A yawn split my jaws nearly in half; something popped under my ears. "Tomorrow. I'll start tomorrow."

I took off my glasses and laid down. After what I'd just eaten, the rotten cod smell still lingering around the hold was almost pleasant. Just before I drifted off though, Samsung perked up on the barrel next to my head. The snail opened its mouth wide; sound blared out. I cursed myself for having changed the ringtone. Could've had a soft, insistent puru-puru-puru, but no, I _had_ to go for the music.

" _Come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams! Together we can find everything that we're looking for! One Piece!_ "

"Argh!" I groped around for the receiver. My voice was already thick with sleep when I answered. "Topper's Pizza, how can I help you?"

"Jones! Good; you're still awake. I didn't get a chance to ask before Dragon came to get me, so… How's Lu doing? Is he sleeping alright? Eating all his vegetables? I know he doesn't like them, but they're good for him. How often is he bathing? Washing his clothes?"

My brain was already trying to shut down, too tired to deal with the Chief of Mother Hens. "Error 404: Jones not found."

"What?"

Ka-click.


	6. Allusion

**Allusion: a reference to a well-known person, event, statement, theme, or work.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Yes, Jones' fruit has the potential to be absolutely TERRIFYING. And she'll figure that out in a few chapters, even if she can't use those aspects of it until much further down the line. And yes, the Smoker and Ace things have some pretty big ripples. As for Barto... Jones actually didn't do anything that affect him, so for now it can be assumed that he's progressing the same way he did in canon. Key words being for now.**

 **Xipholynx: As always, thank you very much. ^_^**

 **Gerbilfriend: Yes, the first major butterfly just took to the air.**

 **starelight: Ah, yes. We'll be seeing one of Jones' bad days as soon as I've hashed out exactly how everyone would deal with it. It may be mean, but as a writer... I like seeing my characters in pain sometimes too, even if I always give them a happy ending eventually.**

 **Sheepskate: You're not the first to warn me against inflating the crew too much, and I doubt you'll be the last. I agree, it's something to be cautious with, but that doesn't mean I can't have fun with it as well. As far as advancing the Fourth Wall breaking... Some of the things you're suggesting are funny, while others are things Jones would only do under dire circumstances— like asking her writer for a favour. If she wants a snack, she can just bug Sanji, after all.**

 **Guest: M-merci beaucoup. I— I have to admit that a lot less of this is fiction than most people would likely be comfortable with, but it's not exactly a cry for help. Writing this— working these things out in another world using another me— is better therapy than talking to people, given my anxiety. On a lighter note, you're actually probably wrong about your guess on where I come from. I bought my Straw Hat necklace from a travelling stall at an art show, and I picked up my Frenglish from my grade ten French teacher— he was from a small town in northern Quebec and taught us Quebecois swears and insults by accident whenever he got flustered. I don't actually remember when I started using them instead of English ones though.**

 **Lightsbane1905: Thank you very much. ^_^**

We'd had to land on an island not too far from Loguetown to pick up fresh water. _Why_ no one had thought to do so while shopping for supplies was beyond me. Shouldn't that've been something that came up while Usopp and Sanji were getting groceries? But apparently not. And now… well, at this point, I'd given the day up as lost. Luffy was sitting on a rock, playing with something he'd picked up in a tidal pool; Usopp was swimming with Johnny and Yosaku, Zoro was doing push-ups with a boulder on his back, Nami was sunbathing while Sanji gave her a massage, and Ghin was building an expansive sand castle while wearing an expression of comic seriousness.

Shortly after this began, I was met with a newspaper to the face. Above me, a news coo squawked before flying off. I glared at it.

"You're late! Newspaper's supposed to come first thing in the morning!"

The bird didn't answer me. Not that I let the paper distract me completely; I still kept one eye on the horizon as I scanned the articles. Not that I knew of any threats on the way- I didn't even remember this island at all. But still…

Hmm… Nothing new about any familiar pirates. I guess I couldn't expect people to get in trouble- or at least, newsworthy trouble- every day. Oh wait, I was wrong. The Whitebeard Pirates had been visited by a strange ship, possibly Revolutionary, which made the government nervous. Sabo was looking for Ace then- or maybe had someone else doing it for him, since I didn't think he could get down the Line that quickly. What else…? Vivi, crown princess of Alabasta, was still missing- not for long. Garp the Hero was on his way to the East Blue to pick up Axe-Hand Morgan, a dishonourable discharge accused of murder, fraud, theft, and tax evasion. I'd expected that- well, except the tax evasion part. Skyrocketing prices on bread in the North Blue- bet Law had something to do with that, some woman from the South Blue- I assumed she was famous- gave birth to quintuplets, six squads of marines devoured by shrieking eels off the coast of somewhere called Gildor, results from a series of schooner races… Nothing that affected the Straw Hats, at least not directly. I flipped to the personal columns and grinned. Good. My ad was there.

 _Bouncy young Straw Hat seeking Freckled Firebrand, last seen sailing away from the Dawn. My friends and I will be in Alabasta in about two month's time; if you still love me, meet us in Nanohana. My White Lion might be able to track the bastard who burned your Thatch. ASL_

I hoped Ace wouldn't think it was a trap. But no one other than Luffy- that he knew of, at any rate- would know the importance of those three letters. Even if Ace thought it was a trap, he'd probably show up in Alabasta anyway in case someone had captured his little brother. Which could result in me frying if I didn't talk fast enough, but such is life on the Grand Line.

Once I finished with the paper, I started practicing katas on the beach. If we weren't going anywhere, I may as well train. Or at least, that's what I _was_ doing, until Samsung opened its mouth and started blaring music. " _Come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams! Together we will find everything that we're looking for! One Piece!_ "

I picked up the receiver with a click. "Welcome to Topper's Pizza Sabo, how can I help you?"

"Jones! How'd you know it was me?"

"You're the only person with this number so far."

"Oh." Samsung blinked in imitation of the face on the other end. This was followed by a chastising frown. "Hey- last night, you hung up without answering any of my questions. That's rude."

"And you've never done that to Koala to get out of a lecture about the meaning of stealth or rationing or something like that?" I raised an eyebrow. Sabo chuckled, Samsung's face reflecting a sheepish expression.

"Ah, well, as a matter of fact- hey! How'd you know that? I didn't talk about Koala when I was there!"

"Same way I knew Dragon was Luffy's father."

"And how's that?"

"Sorry," I shook my head, "That's for members of our crew only."

"Shishishishi! Well, it was worth a try." Huh. Hadn't expected Sabo to giggle like Luffy. "So, will you answer me this time? How's Lu doing? Tell me everything! I've got ten years to catch up on!"

I shook my head. "When I hung up last night, it was cause I was too tired to deal with this. And I don't know _everything_ Luffy's been up to since you were little. But since I got here, he's been alright. Sanji won't let anyone leave vegetables on their plate, so you don't have to worry about that. The captain sleeps fine, and Nami will probably make him wash his clothes often enough. He's a lot stronger than you remember too, so you don't have to worry about that for a while."

"That's good. I can't help but worry though; I mean, it's _Lu_. Trouble has a way of finding him no matter what he's doing." Which was true. I suddenly felt very sorry for the siblings and parents of just about every major fantasy character ever. You know, except the ones who didn't _have_ any siblings or parents to worry. Huh. Maybe that was why so many of them were orphans.

As if on cue, Luffy's voice rang out from his rock. "Hey! Guys! We have the coolest ship ever!"

Usopp climbed out of the water and flopped on the warm sand, staring up at the sky. "I know, _Merry_ 's awesome."

"You've gotta _look_ though! So cool!"

Nami groaned. "Luffy, it wouldn't hurt you to relax for an hour or two. Just calm down; _Merry_ isn't going anywhere."

Sanji spun in place before squirting more sunscreen onto Nami's shoulders and rubbing it in. "Your skin's so smooth Nami! And you look amazing in your bikini!"

I glanced up and had to stifle a groan of my own. "Sorry Sabo, I've gotta go. The trouble that finds Luffy everywhere just showed up."

"Really? What is it this time?"

"Someone's stealing our ship." Ka-clik. Funny, I didn't remember this happening in the manga _or_ the anime.

" _ **WHAT**_?" Everyone jumped to their feet at my words and stared out to sea, just in time to see the _Going Merry_ finish turning and start sailing away. Nami let out a wordless shriek as she hit Luffy over the head.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US SOMEONE WAS STEALING THE SHIP?!"

"Stealing? I just thought _Merry_ wanted to play…"

"SHIPS DON'T MOVE ON THEIR OWN, IDIOT!"

"Oww…" Luffy pouted and rubbed the bruise on the side of his head before throwing his arm out, reaching for the rail of our ship. Except, he couldn't reach. The _Merry_ must've been more than seventy-two gomu-gomus from shore. There was a tremendous snap as the recoil sent the young captain rolling backwards.

Silence fell for several long minutes. It was eventually broken by Yosaku. "So… Should we try and go after them?"

"Of course!" Luffy's eyes blazed. " _Merry_ 's our home- we have to get her back!"

Nami hit our captain over the head again. She was hyperventilating now, shoulders heaving as her eyes started to glow red. They matched her bikini. "AND HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? WE _DON'T HAVE A SHIP_!"

Johnny raised a hand. "There's a town on the other side of the island Sis. We might be able to get a boat there."

"And maybe some clothes too," Ghin suggested with a wry smile. His words caused everyone to look down. Except for Luffy and I, no one was wearing their regular clothes- or even a pair of shoes. The best part was that Yosaku's swimwear matched Zoro's, Johnny's matched Sanji's, and Ghin was wearing the same shade of red as Nami.

I froze as I realized this. While the matching pairs may have been funny, there was something else that most certainly wasn't. Glancing around the beach yielded no sign of what I was looking for; my stomach sank. "Guys… Where are your weapons?"

Everyone else who normally carried arms flinched. "On- on the ship." Usopp rubbed sheepishly at his nose. I buried my face in my hands.

"Really? I could see you, Johnny, and Yosaku leaving them there, but Zoro? Ghin? Nami?"

The latter three were suddenly very keen on avoiding my gaze. For once Zoro actually looked like the nineteen-year-old he was as he bit his lip and shuffled in place- normally I could mistake him for being my age or older. Nami flushed, embarrassed; this was probably the first time in years she'd felt comfortable enough to let her staff out of reach, after what Arlong had put her through. And Ghin- he was gripping one wrist with his opposite hand as if he meant to crush the bones. I shook my head and headed towards the town Johnny had mentioned.

"You're lucky I'm a paranoid little bitch." I had all my weapons with me, since I'd been training with some of them. Let's see… Nami could borrow my staff, Usopp could use the pistol, Zoro would probably prefer sais… No one knew how to use a whip, so Ghin and the hunters would have to fight bare-handed until we got our stuff back. And yes, readers, I was almost certain we would need to fight. Just because I didn't remember this happening didn't mean there wouldn't be a brawl at the end; it was still the _One Piece_ world after all.

My spine went stiff as we made our way towards town. Merde. Why didn't I remember this? Was it- was it one of the movies I hadn't seen? I put my hand in my pocket and flipped my writer the bird- even if my crew mates couldn't see it, she would. Writing the scene and all. Sadistic little bitch, watching the movies while I was here just so she could surprise me.

People shot us odd looks as we strode into town. Probably not used to seeing a crew of shoeless tourists appear out of nowhere. I scanned the streets for a clothing store- at least, until I realized that all our money was on the ship with everyone's weapons. Tabarnak. Zoro grabbed me by the ponytail when I went to bash my forehead against a random building. "What is it Jones?"

"We can't get clothes; we don't have any _money_."

"Huh?" Nami looked panicked for a moment, reaching into her bikini top. She sighed with relief and pulled out a wad of bills- far too large to have fit in there I might add; her boobs weren't _that_ big. "You had me worried there for a moment Jones. Don't tease like that."

"Eh? But… Don't you keep… Ship?" I had no words. Something, some connection in the base of my brain, fizzled and died.

"Of course not. Why would I leave the money somewhere I couldn't see it? One of the idiots might use it to buy whoopee cushions or something." The navigator looked around with a frown. "There's not a lot of choice around here though. All I see is a bridal boutique."

She was right. Aside from the aforementioned bridal boutique, the only shops around _at all_ were a bakery, an upscale bar, and a place selling kayaks and paddleboats. This was more a fancy resort than an actual town. I was so glad I hadn't been stranded in my swimsuit like the majority of the crew- actually, I didn't have a swimsuit, so I guess that wasn't possible. Go me!

X

"I'm never going anywhere without my swords and a change of clothes again," Zoro grumbled as everyone tried on various outfits. He eventually found a black montsuki kimono and hakama that he decided were tolerable. Johnny and Yosaku picked out similar clothes- in unusual blue and green variations, of course- while Usopp chose what appeared to be a child's kimono and a strange soft, pointy hat. Nami and Sanji were more Western in style, favouring a white dress and tuxedo; the cook's eyes turned into creepy hearts again when he realized they had the same fashion sense. And then Ghin somehow ended up in red and gold tight pants and a cropped jacket that made him look like a torero.

The tonfa wielder scowled as I bit back snickers. "It was the only thing that fit."

"Shishishishi!" Unlike me, our captain couldn't hold back his laughter. "Ghin looks silly!" The only answer he received was a heavy thump on the top of his head as Ghin marched out of the store. So busy was he being annoyed at our captain, the former Krieg pirate didn't notice that Johnny and Yosaku were leaning on each other, barely able to stand as they tried and failed to keep straight faces.

"It wasn't the only thing that fit," Johnny whispered to me as the rest of us followed Ghin out of the shop. "But he was taking so long to decide on things, it was easy to hide all the stuff in his size." The blue hunter pointed at a pile of multi-coloured fabric poorly concealed behind a trio of manikins modelling wedding gowns.

"Okay, that's a good one." I bit my lip. Although to be fair, as silly as the outfit was, it didn't look _bad_ on Ghin. The style was similar to what he usually wore, if a bit tighter and much more colourful.

I passed out weapons on the way to the docks. Zoro grunted and started playing with my sais, getting used to the balance. And while Nami was perfectly happy with my bo staff- except for the part where it didn't break down for transport- Usopp nearly dropped my pistol when I handed it to him. I frowned. "Be careful with that- it was expensive."

"Sorry. But… Why're you giving me a gun?"

"Do you wanna walk into an unknown situation unarmed? Sorry; I don't have a slingshot."

Usopp looked at me with concern. "Why do you even have this?"

"Just because I'm a primarily melee-focused character doesn't mean I can't have a ranged weapon. Actually, it's a good idea to have ranged backup."

"But your aim's terrible!"

I ignored the sniper in favour of looking at the kayaks and paddleboats on display by the water. They were… small. None of them looked like it had room for all nine of us; actually, they all seemed to be meant for couples. I turned to Nami to ask, but she shut me down before I could open my mouth.

"No, we're not getting more than one. We've spent enough money on this stupid mistake already."

We ended up crowding nine people into a tiny paddleboat with a swan head. It was uncomfortable and sweaty; I was squished between Zoro and Ghin, while Johnny sat on Yosaku's lap and Sanji had his chest pressed against Nami's back. Luffy was practically falling off the swan head as we trundled out of the bay. The press of bodies was so tight that I couldn't even tell who was pedaling the boat. All I could say for sure was that it wasn't me.

X

Several hours out, Nami suddenly started grinding her knuckles into her forehead. Yosaku frowned. "What's wrong Sis?"

"We forgot something important… How are we planning to _find_ the _Going Merry_? We have no idea where the person who took it is going!"

Everyone looked at me, even Luffy. A spear of cold ran up my spine; I shook my head. "Sorry guys, no idea."

"What?!" Luffy nearly fell overboard. "But- but you know _everything_! From your story! How can you not know where the _Merry_ is? Or at least how to find her?"

"Sorry." I couldn't curl into myself, wedged between two of my crew mates, but I sure as Hell tried. "There's… The story was told a bunch of different ways, and different things happened in different media. I… Didn't have time to dig up _all_ of them. Anything that happened in the manga I know like the back of my hand- that's stuff that will _definitely_ happen. Anime not as well- I don't remember all the filler arcs- but they only _might_ happen anyway. This… I think this is one of the movies. I _didn't watch_ the movies - except _Strong World_ and _Baron Omatsuri and the Secret Island_." But apparently my writer had decided she had time to find and watch them all _now_. How many of them was she planning on throwing in? Which ones? Merde, I hated flying blind.

"So even Jones doesn't know what's coming next?" Luffy clapped and rocked, nearly overturning the boat. "Fun!"

"Sit still, Shithead! You'll sink us!" Sanji slammed a bare foot down on the captain's head. This kick did absolutely nothing to lessen the rocking of the boat. Zoro and Ghin looked at each other and growled before reaching over to punch the cook, their movements shaking the boat even more. Plus, since I was squashed between them, the pair nearly knocked me over the side.

"Hey!" I latched onto Zoro on reflex, not keen on going over backwards and hitting my head on the hull.

"Ah! Help!" A scream from the water interrupted before the fight could grow any further. Everyone froze and looked. There was a stony spire rising from the water not far from us; a small boy struggled in the water by its base. All that could really be seen of him was an oversized white beanie with red buttons on one side. Sanji looked around, realized he was the only one besides Luffy who could easily extricate himself from the tangle of bodies, and rolled his eyes.

"Guess it's up to me." The cook jumped out and swam over to the boy. Those of us in the boat followed quickly, so I guess Sanji wasn't the one pedalling.

"You alright kid?" Our cook reached out to grab the drowning boy. Except, he was no longer drowning, instead swimming backwards and climbing up onto the spire with remarkable quickness for someone so small.

"Hah! I'm great! And you fell for it! Borodo was right; there's lots of easy marks around here!" The boy stuck his tongue out above us, wringing water out of his green coat.

A net rose out of the water from beneath us, hoisted by a crane that appeared around the rock, wrapping around both Sanji and the paddleboat, capturing everybody. I rolled my eyes as a small cutter drifted into view. So cliché. The crane swung around to deposit us on the cutter; before it could, I pulled out my knife and sliced through the net. Everyone yelled in surprise as the little paddleboat fell back into the water. I didn't fall with them, as I was still holding onto the ropes I'd cut. Instead, I let go and dropped onto the cutter.

"These guys look pretty poor Borodo." The little boy dropped down from the stone to land on the rail. I flipped my knife closed; I doubted I'd be needing it.

"You're right Akisu. Ah well…" A tall man with messy, light brown hair stepped out from behind a pile of crates. He had goggles on his forehead and was dressed like a German aviator from World War One. I automatically snapped to attention at the sight of that uniform as my crew mates climbed aboard.

Luffy glared. "Oi! What was that for? Who are you guys?"

"Who are we?" The aviator jumped up and did a backflip, landing on top of the pile of crates. He then folded his arms and grinned down at us. "I'm Borodo!"

"And I'm Akisu!" The little boy scrambled up so he was standing beside his partner. "And together we're the amazing Thief Brothers!" Akisu then proceeded to slip off the edge of the crate pile, knocking several of the boxes flying as he fell. Some of the lids fell off, spilling nails, washers, buttons, and assorted other junk over the deck of the cutter. My crew mates stared.

"Amazing Thief Brothers, huh?" Nami raised an eyebrow, folding her arms. "You stole… this? It's all junk- why bother?"

Borodo bit his lip, lost for words. Akisu, on the other hand, scowled with adorable rage as he jumped to his feet. "Hey! Don't dis my big brother! Borodo's the greatest thief in the world- he's gonna steal the Diamond Clock!"

"Diamond Clock?" That was a McGuffin if I ever heard one. Did it even do anything, or was it just a shiny thing to drive the plot of the movie?

Nami's eyes shone. Even if I'd never heard of it, she had. "It's only the most valuable clock in the East Blue Jones- possibly the world. The Diamond Clock was made about seven years ago, on an island renowned for their clockwork inventions and toys. But shortly after it was finished, the island suddenly stopped communicating with the rest of the East Blue- no more imports, exports, tourism… Nothing."

"Like Cocoyashi Village?" I had a good idea what had probably happened to the island, especially when Nami's eyes went wide. And we weren't the only ones. Ghin, Zoro, Sanji… In fact, just about everyone except Luffy realized what was going on in short order.

"So…" Zoro stared at Borodo. "You're trying to steal a fancy clock from an island occupied by pirates. Just the two of you. And he's seven." The swordsman pointed at Akisu.

Borodo crossed his arms. "You probably think I'm an irresponsible brother, but I wouldn't do anything without my partner."

There was a plop as Luffy picked a large booger out of his nose and flicked it into the water. "Saa, my brothers did worse. At least you're not letting Kissy get eaten by gators or something."

Everyone stared deadpan at our captain. "What kind of childhood did you _have_?" The question came from Ghin, who claimed to have grown up running the streets of Loguetown in a gang, which gave it a special level of disbelief.

The elder thief's eyes narrowed for a second, flicking to Luffy's hat. Then Borodo's face opened up into a broad smile. "Hey- you guys don't happen to be missing a ship, do you? One with a straw hat on a Jolly Roger?"

Sanji glanced from Luffy's hat to the tiny swan boat we'd come out to sea in. "What was your first clue?"

"It was probably stolen by the Trump Family," Borodo offered with a shake of his head. "They're the pirates who took over Clockwork Island."

That was quick. I frowned, suspicious. How very _convenient_ that our ship would be at the same place Borodo and Akisu were trying to rob. My first thought was that this was a trap, that the thieves were working with this Trump family. On the other hand… _Trump_. Trap or not, that name tied into some of the greatest fears I'd left behind in my home world. _Trump Presidency_. Terrifying thought. I couldn't leave this alone, trap or not, if that name was involved. So I kept my suspicions to myself.

"Trump Family?" Yosaku mused. "That name's familiar. Johnny?"

"On it bro." The blue hunter pulled out his collection of bounty posters and began flipping through. He produced five pictures in short order: a delicately beautiful blonde woman; a pale, pointy clown with a scar across his painted face; a large man with a pig-like nose and a wool cape; a ratty goofball wearing a giant backpack; and a great, hairy bear of a man. Together, they added up to thirty-eight million, five hundred thousand beri.

Nami's eyes turned to money symbols; the navigator grinned. "Well, if it's to get our ship back…" I just hoped we could find a decent marine base or bounty office for Johnny and Yosaku to hand them in.

"Okay!" Luffy rocked back and forth in place. "We'll come with you to Clock Land! _Merry_ 's our home, after all!"

Borodo beamed as he grabbed the whipstaff and turned the ship. "Alright then. To Clockwork Island, to get _your_ ship and _our_ clock. Allons-y!"

I sighed and turned to Zoro and Ghin as we got underway. Reaching up, I pulled my hat forwards so it almost covered my eyes. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

Both men snorted. "Agreed."

X

Four ships, each with a card suit painted across its sails. They came up almost out of nowhere about an hour after we'd started sailing with Borodo and Akisu. One of them had a disproportionately large figurehead, a bear. The blonde woman from the bounty posters was leaning over the edge- just her head and arms, in a way that suggested she was in some sort of hot tub. She cooed as her ship came within earshot of Borodo's cutter.

Not far from me, pulsing pink light emanated from a certain blond cook. Sanji leaned out over the rail of the cutter, his eyes turning to hearts. His cigarette dropped into the water as he stared, mouth open. "She's so beautiful!"

"Tch. Idiot." Zoro slapped Sanji across the back of his head. "Don't flirt with the enemy."

"Shitty swordsman!"

"Shut it!" Ghin punched both cook and swordsman into the deck as they lunged for each other. "I like a good brawl as much as the next guy, but this ain't the time!"

"Aw, look at the little peasants in their tiny boat. So cute. What brings you so close to Papa's island, I wonder- surely the fish haven't wandered this far?"

The pig-man appeared beside her, rolling through the air as he bounded onto the edge of the tub/figurehead. "Ooh, look at the little redhead. I bet Papa would _love_ her."

"Mhm." The woman pursed her lips. "Why don't you go get her Boo Jack?"

"Sure thing Honey!" The pig-man jumped off the ship and tucked into a ball, spinning to gain extra momentum. Something shiny glinted in his wool cape as he did so- steel spikes. Seconds later, Boo Jack landed with surprising delicacy on the rail of the cutter, shoving Johnny and Yosaku aside so he could grab Nami. Although… That didn't go to well for him.

"Yow!" The pig-man pulled back, wheezing. Nami had jabbed my staff into his solar plexus. _Hard_.

"Hands off!" The navigator swung around, cracking heavy beech into Boo's knee, then up into his groin, before knocking him off the rail with a heavy jab to the face. "Jones, plan?"

"Why me?"

"Do you _really_ expect any of the men to come up with a plan?"

"Do _you_ really expect to like any plan I come up with?" I shot back. "High INT, low WIS character, remember? _I_ think we should beat them up and make them take us back to their island so we can get the _Going Merry_ back."

Luffy bounced. "I like Jones' plan!"

"Of course you do…" Nami slapped a hand to her face. Our captain grinned. Borodo and Akisu stared at us like we'd all grown extra heads.

"You do realize thieves are supposed to be subtle?" the older brother asked. From the look on his face, he already knew more or less what the answer would be. I felt obliged to give it to him anyway.

"One, you're the thieves. _We're_ pirates; we go in with cannons blazing. And two… Even among pirates, we're the Straw Hats." I shook my head. "Most of us wouldn't know subtlety if it stabbed us in the back for an extra 3D6 damage."

I felt the strange tinkle beyond light and sound that was someone's brain breaking. The elder thief brother froze, glassy stare fixed on my hat. Johnny patted Borodo's shoulder with a smile. "Don't worry about it. Big Sis says a lot of things no one understands; you get used to it."

"And believe it or not, she's one of the subtle ones." Ghin chuckled at the thieves' shocked faces.

Luffy wrapped one arm around our crew, making the thieves jump back in surprise. Right, they hadn't really seen him use his powers yet. "Alright everyone, hold on. Gum-Gum Rocket!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku had tears streaming from their eyes as we shot over to the Trump flagship. Sanji and Nami looked green; Zoro and Ghin grumbled and hit our captain over the head. Me- I loved it. It was like parkour, the feeling of flight during a vault. The feeling of _freedom_.

"Sesehihihihihi!"

"Shishishi!"

I landed with my feet in some poor mook's face, bending my knees and tucking into a roll to disperse momentum. This led to me bowling through a couple more people's knees before I stood up again. Beside me, Luffy had a similar landing, while Zoro and Ghin ended up crashing into the deck back to back. Both were visibly angry at our captain, but content to take said anger out on the nearest Trump minions for now. Nami, despite her greenness, landed much like Luffy and I, launching a staff strike into a man's groin as she rolled into a crouch. Sanji turned his landing into a series of flying kicks, wincing as his bare feet met skulls and splinters his shoes normally would've protected him from. As for our sniper and hunters… The three of them had crashed into the base of the mast. Johnny and Yosaku were now punching anyone who came too close to Usopp while the sniper tried to figure out how my pistol worked.

Zoro growled, his sword techniques not working very well with the short, blunt weapons he was forced to use. "Taka Nami!" A gust of wind slashed out to either side as he struck, blowing a number of opponents away and setting one of the smaller Trump ships to rocking. The swordsman grunted. "Oi Jones, your sais are too short!"

"They're just fine for _me_! Not my fault your arms are longer!" I kicked one of the mooks in the chest, sending him staggering backwards into a punch from Yosaku. Hmm… How to disable the other ships? Otherwise they'd probably start firing on us soon…

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Boo Jack climbing aboard, sopping wet. Okay, not a Devil Fruit user. Sanji kicked him off again though, so I didn't need to worry about the pig-man for now. Although the cook's wince and bleeding foot could be an issue. But there was no time for that now. Avoiding cannonade was more important.

The Trump ships had some of their cannon on the main deck as well as down on the gun decks, reminding me of some of the ships from _Pirates of the Caribbean_. Hmm… Could I pull a Jack Sparrow with that somehow? But I didn't know enough about how the rigging and counterweighting would work… The other ships actually seemed reluctant to fire on their flagship though, so maybe it wouldn't matter. Maybe they figured Honey and Boo Jack would be enough to deal with us? Still, note to self- figure out how to pull a Jack Sparrow maneuver. They looked fun.

First rule of fighting against a large group: never actually fight the group. Getting surrounded is the easiest way to get yourself killed, no matter how good a fighter you are. So I kept shifting, never staying in one spot, making sure that only one or two people were in a position to hit me at any given time. Whenever I could, I used the nearest Trump pirate as a human shield- perks of being small. Painful bruises bloomed along my forearms from blocking fists and saps, but it was a pain I was used to. It would be unpleasant in the future, but I could push it back for now. Parry, block, three-level punch… Roundhouse kick falling into a lunge punch. That's another important thing while fighting- never use just one technique. Pausing in between just gives your opponent a chance to hit you.

My training weights were throwing my attacks off a little, slowing me down and tiring me more quickly as the fight went on. One of the Trump pirates got too close with a cutlass, slicing along my calf as I kicked him in the chest.

"Criss de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trovvierge!" That _burned_! There wasn't much blood though, thank the gods; no major arteries had been compromised. I took a second to give the perpetrator an extra kick, bringing my foot down on his head like an axe. There was a satisfying crack as I drove his head into the deck.

"Gum-Gum Whip!" I jumped over Luffy's leg as he swept it across the deck. There was a squishing sound as his shin passed through Honey, who appeared to be made of some sort of purplish liquid. Logia user? Great, just great…

A gunshot cut through the air; the entire battle froze. I rubbed my ears and turned to look at the only place I remembered seeing a gun. Usopp shook behind the mast, a trembling hand aiming my pistol at Honey. A hole in her liquid body- just under her heart- oozed closed. The Trump Pirate raised one delicate eyebrow at the Straw Hat sniper.

"That sort of thing won't do you much good, Sweetie." Honey waved her hand, sending a wave of thick, sticky liquid washing over the deck. Some got in my mouth. Grape Jell-O? But wasn't that supposed to be a solid? And even if it _was_ a liquid, did that really count as a logia? I thought they were supposed to be based on elements and such. But she was certainly _acting_ like a logia, even if she wasn't a true one. Similar abilities, at any rate.

Usopp squeaked and dropped my pistol. Oh… This was the first Devil Fruit opponent he'd seen, wasn't it? He wasn't around for Buggy. And, well, maybe using a gun for the first time had shaken him too. It _was_ a lot louder than his slingshot. I scrambled over and grabbed the pistol off the deck. "If you're too scared to use it, just say so."

"I tried when you gave it to me. You didn't listen."

"Oh. Sorry."

Another wave of grape Jell-O washed over the ship, with far greater volume than before. My crew mates and I forced off, sent tumbling back down to Borodo's cutter in a gooey rush. All of us except for Nami, that is. The navigator got caught by Boo Jack as he climbed back aboard. A number of growls rose up from my sticky, grape-y crew mates; we prepared to leap back into the fray. All except for one; our poor sniper apparently couldn't take any more of this.

"Usopp Special Technique: Run Like Hell!" The sniper grabbed the _whipstaff_ of all things and snapped it back and forth with a speed I wouldn't have previously considered possible. Wind snatched at my hat as Usopp used _the bloody rudder_ to paddle the Thief Brothers' ship away from the Trump Pirates; I reached up one hand to hold it on.

The sudden acceleration caused Akisu to stumble backwards into the stern rail. Something small and dark flew out of his pocket; I grabbed it out of the air with my free hand before it could be lost to the sea. It was… A music box? Well carved but unpainted, with a small semi-precious stone embedded in the cover. The boy beamed at me when I handed it back to him.

"Thanks!" Akisu hugged the box close. "I can't lose this!"

Sanji chuckled and ruffled his hair. "Then maybe you should be more careful with it, shitty brat. A man shouldn't need to be saved by a girl; he should be saving the ladies instead. Which reminds me…" The cook turned to slam his uninjured foot into Usopp's ribs. "WHAT'RE YOU RUNNING AWAY FOR, SHITTY LONG NOSE?! THEY HAVE NAMI!"

A cannonball splashed into the water behind us as Usopp continued to row. If he'd stopped for any reason, that would've hit the cutter and smashed it. Despite the beating he was receiving from Sanji, the sniper didn't stop until we were well out of sight of the Trump ships. Only then did he collapse with a groan, nursing his bruised ribs. "They have a _Devil Fruit user_ who's immune to _bullets_! What can we do against that?"

Zoro punched Usopp with a growl. Huh, swordsman and chef agreeing on something; were pigs flying somewhere? " _Our captain_ is a Devil Fruit user who's immune to bullets!" The swordsman gestured at Luffy, who was busy trying to rub grape Jell-O out of his hat.

"Actually," Ghin put in, "The Don wouldn't be immune if Jones shot him, I don't think. Her bullets are pointy."

"Not important."

Yosaku raised a hand. "Actually Big Bro Zoro, it might be really important. That Honey lady was made of some kind of grape-y liquid, not rubber. They do different things."

Johnny nodded. "We might be able to trap her in a barrel though, if it's water-tight."

"That only matters if one of you clowns can _find_ a barrel."

Hat finally free of sticky purple, Luffy bounced to his feet. "Alright! Let's go get Nami and _Merry_! You know the way to Clock Land, right Frodo?"

"It's Borodo," the elder thief muttered. He stared at us in disbelief. "You- you just got your asses handed to you and you want to go after the Trump Family _again_? Are you insane?"

"Of course we are," Ghin said, hands on his hips. "That's what makes this interesting. Can you take us to Clockwork Island or not? I thought you wanted to steal a shiny clock there anyway."

"Fine, fine." Borodo nudged Usopp out of the way and grabbed the whipstaff. "But would you at least _consider_ a more subtle approach this time? Charging in like you just did doesn't seem to work very well."

Luffy smacked one fist into the opposite palm. "If at first you don't succeed, hit them twice as hard next time! That's what Grandpa taught me!" He ended his announcement with a shudder. Johnny and Yosaku looked from each other to our captain.

"Um… Big Bro… Who's your grandpa and why does he sound like we should wear brown pants if we ever meet him?"

"Shishishi! Grandpa's scary, yeah. I hope we don't run into him though, so it doesn't matter."

"Sesehihihihihi!" I clapped my hands over my mouth. When everyone turned to stare at me, I shook my head. "Sorry Captain… spoilers."

X

Clockwork Island, like the Burrow, looked like it was held up by magic- or in this case, some strange science that may or may not have been based in the laws of physics I grew up with. It towered several hundred meters into the air, a thin, twisted spire with a broad platform on top, like some exaggerated version of the Hopewell Rocks. A stiff breeze could've blown it over. There was a wide plain at the base as well, with a bay and cave in one side where I could see several more ships with the Trumps' card-based motif. We made landfall on the other side.

Usopp tilted his head back, staring at the platform suspended over head. "So… How do we get up there?"

"There's an elevator in the central column that the Trump Family uses to get up and down from the castle up top." Borodo's explanation was muted as he tied his cutter to a rock, so it was no wonder even I barely heard him. To everyone else, his voice was probably inaudible over Luffy's excited shout.

"Look! Stairs!"

And indeed, there was a steep spiral staircase winding around the spire, upwards towards the platform. We were about ten feet up, with Borodo and Akisu running to join us, when Johnny halted and held out his arm. Everyone stopped behind him. Zoro scowled.

"Hey Johnny, what's the hold up?"

"Shush Big Bro." The blue hunter glanced at his partner. "Yosaku… Do I need to take my sunglasses off, or do you see 'em too?"

"I see 'em. You might wanna take your sunglasses off anyway; there's a lot of 'em, and I don't think we'll catch 'em all if you don't."

"See what? Catch what?" Luffy bounced behind the hunters. I stood on my tiptoes beside him, trying to see over Yosaku's shoulder. Curse my shortness- I couldn't see anything!

"What's going on?"

Johnny took his sunglasses off and put them in his pocket. It was my first time seeing him without them; his eyes were a shocking shade of blue that seemed out of place against his dark skin and hair. "The stairs are _full_ of traps. Like, I've never seen so many traps in one place before."

Yosaku nodded. "Big Sis Jones, Big Bro Usopp… Do either of you have some steel spikes? And maybe wire cutters? We left our trap kits on the _Going Merry_."

I didn't have wire cutters, but my Swiss Army Knife had some pretty heavy-duty scissors. I handed it over. "Sorry, no spikes. Didn't think I'd need any; I'll fix that next time we get a chance to go shopping." Also, I had to re-evaluate my classification of the hunters. Johnny and Yosaku weren't fighters- they were rogues with weapon proficiency feats. How else would they be able to spot traps so easily?

Usopp shook his head. "All my stuff's on the _Merry_ too."

"Well shit." Johnny and Yosaku deflated and stared at each other. "That's gonna make it a lot harder to get through here without setting off any of the pressure plates."

"Is the _whole_ floor covered in pressure plates?" I asked. Yosaku shook his head.

"Nah. They're pretty well hidden, but they follow a pattern and there's only one on each step. At least, on what we can see. I guess… Just go slow and only step where Johnny and I do."

"Actually," Borodo offered, "Akisu and I have some steel scraps you could use." He reached into his messenger back and pulled out a smaller sack of jagged, irregular metal. The hunters accepted with a nod.

"Thanks! It'll still be slow, but it's still better if we disarm some of them." Johnny immediately jammed a steel spike in and under a tile on one of the steps while Yosaku cut a couple of barely-visible wires. "There's probably not enough here to disarm everything though, so you should still be careful. Like Yosaku said, only step where we do"

And thus began our progress up the twisted spire. In the interest of minimizing the chances of a plate being set off by accident, Borodo was carrying Akisu and Zoro was carrying Luffy. Usopp poked Johnny in the back of the head as we walked. "Hey… Where do bounty hunters learn to disarm traps and stuff anyway?"

"Well… We stumbled on this island made of ancient ruins once while going after this one pirate who liked stealing antiques. He'd gotten a lot of the old traps and things up and working, so we had to figure out how to avoid them- _fast_."

Yosaku snickered. "That's actually what Johnny's tattoo's for. He got a pretty embarrassing scar from one of the traps and wanted to cover it up."

"Hey! You promised not to tell anyone about that!"

"They're our bros now; they deserve to know."

"But it's not important!"

"How can a scar be embarrassing?" I wanted to know. Yosaku skipped backwards to avoid a punch from Johnny as the blue hunter let out an indignant yelp and tried to silence his partner.

"It was a falling statue with hidden blades in some pretty funky places. He missed most of 'em, but the lips… Johnny's got a scar that looks like a kiss mark."

"Why would you want to cover something like that?" came Sanji's voice from behind. Johnny growled, finally succeeding in hitting Yosaku upside the head.

"None of your business! It's just embarrassing, okay? I didn't like it!"

"Enough," Zoro growled. When Sanji went to protest, Ghin slapped him from behind. The cook turned to yell at _him_ , but was silenced when Luffy groaned and captured everyone's attention.

"Are we there yet?" Our captain's words reminded us what we were climbing those stairs _for_. Everyone dropped their brawls and protests in favour of getting to the top- and thus our navigator- faster.

About an hour later, we emerged onto the main platform of the island. Not that we were at the top- no, there was still a spiky, card-motif castle rising above us. It had ropes extending from every window and peak, like someone had thought it was a zeppelin that needed to be tied down rather than a great fortress of stone and steel. Usopp pulled his goggles down over his eyes to act as binoculars as he looked around. Borodo pulled out a pair of _actual_ binoculars and immediately looked up at the top of the castle. "There! Up there- I see your ship."

Usopp glanced in that direction, then burst into a smile. "He's right! I see _Merry_! Let's go!"

While the rest of my crew mates took off for the castle, I held back a little and fixed Borodo with a frown. "How'd you know exactly where to look? That was too quick."

"I- I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me." I narrowed my eyes almost to slits and bared my teeth slightly, trying to look as threatening as I could. "You knew who we were and what we were doing _far_ too quickly after meeting us, especially considering Luffy doesn't have a bounty yet. Are you working with the Trumps?"

Akisu jumped in between me and his older brother. "Borodo would never do that! He wants to steal the Diamond Clock from them, to prove he's the greatest thief in the East Blue!"

"If I don't trust him, why would I trust you?" I glared down at Akisu. The boy cowered and hid behind his brother. "You're his partner; you'd be in on it too."

"He's not." Borodo hung his head. "I- You're right, I'm the one who stole your ship. But I swear I'm not working with the Trumps. When I saw you guys on the beach, I figured you'd be a great distraction while I snuck in. Taking your ship was the only way I could think of to get you involved."

"How'd you get the _Going Merry_ up there if you're not working with the Trumps?" And for that matter, how did ships get up there at all? Why would people want them up there? If what was going on here was accurate to the movie, there were some things here that didn't seem to have been planned all that well.

"Trade secret. Part of being a great thief is being able to get anything _into_ and _out of_ anywhere. And before you ask, I know a shortcut from the resort island to here that I used to shift your ship. We could've taken it in the cutter if Usopp hadn't panicked and taken us off course."

"That explanation doesn't make me trust you. At all."

Borodo spread his arms, shooting me a look of hurt and understanding. "What promise can I give that will reassure you? I swear I don't mean your crew any harm."

"I don't know. I don't know what you hold dear enough to make an oath that means anything." Not that there was really a choice but to go on, trap or not, but still…

The thief sighed. Frowning, he took off one of his gloves. Underneath was a mechanical hand, almost identical to the one Luke Skywalker got at the end of _Empire Strikes Back_. Steel fingers clenched briefly, then extended palm-up in my direction. "I lost this arm rescuing Akisu from a shark two years ago. My- I swear on his life and this steel, I never meant your crew any harm, or worked with the Trumps in any way."

His tone… I believed him. Dropping all threatening actions, I went after the rest of my crew- after all, who knew what trouble they were getting into? Borodo and Akisu were right behind me as I headed off, and while the boy was confused, the elder thief knew I'd relaxed my suspicions without having to be told. Or at least, that's what his growing smile made me think.

We caught up with the rest of the Straw Hats in a town near the base of the castle. They were at a line of stores; Luffy and Zoro had grabbed some food; the swordsman was now wearing a black leather jacket instead of his montsuki kimono, and pants similar to what he usually preferred. Sanji switched out his suit for black pants and a turquoise Hawaiian shirt, while Johnny and Yosaku wore identical jeans with blue and green sweaters, respectively. Ghin had grey track pants and a maroon hoodie that made him look like a university student on a lazy Sunday. As for Usopp… obnoxiously orange coat that would've made Naruto proud.

"Ah- hey!" Sanji waved at Borodo as we approached, then turned back to the shopkeeper he'd been talking to. "See, there he is. The one with the red armband has the money."

The thief froze as our crew chuckled and departed, leaving him to the tender mercies of the little old lady. Luffy giggled and looked around as we made our way through the streets. Many store windows were full of intricate artwork and clockwork toys; the wouldn't have looked out of place in a resort town in my home world. "Shishishi! This place is awesome! So much cool stuff!"

A pair of frizzy-haired scientists sitting in a café overheard him. The woman shook her head. "Awesome? I never thought we'd get any visitors again, let alone one who would describe anything here as awesome."

"Huh? Why? All these toys and things are amazing!" Luffy spun, waving his arms. The male scientist answered him.

"They are, yes. Once upon a time, our island was famous for our clocks and toys; they were sought after all over the world. But now… Ever since the Trump Family took over, all we do is make weapons. If we try to resist, they threaten to destroy our island. I'm sure you noticed that it's not exactly the most stable landmass; our ancestors designed this place for beauty and science rather than durability. It would be far too easy for the Bear King to send us tumbling into the sea."

"Are you the ones who made the Diamond Clock?" Usopp asked, staring at the pins on their lab coats. Tiny watches, so small and precise they'd make a Swiss company proud.

"Yes…" The woman looked away. "We made it just before our son was born. But news of it spread across the East Blue, and that was what attracted the Trump Family to our island. If they'd just wanted to steal it, we would've been alright- we could always build another clock- but they wanted to use our crafting skills to make weapons. I wish… I wish we'd never made that horrid machine."

Luffy frowned. "Don't say things like that. You were proud when you made it, weren't you?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then keep being proud of it. You couldn't know that the Trumps would come. And even if you did know someone like that might show up, you can't do anything worthwhile without taking a few risks." My captain grinned, fingering the edges of his hat with one hand. "That's what makes an adventure, ne?"

The scientists stared at him for a moment, unsure what to make of this happy-go-lucky boy who'd appeared out of nowhere. I decided to try and put their minds at ease. Although… White coats. Authority figures. Even with them being as subdued as they were, I felt a brief thrill of fear while addressing them.

"I- I know things have gone about as bad as they could, much worse than you could've imagined. But… Things can always get better." I rubbed my forearms. "Take it from someone who- not knows, exactly, but is working on it. Especially with Luffy around. The Bear King… He took our navigator, so our captain's gonna kick his ass. And that's not just faith- that's a fact."

"Really?" The scientists looked doubtful. Zoro folded his arms and scowled at them.

"Really. We're the Straw Hats; we won't lose that easy. 'Specially not once we get our proper weapons back. But you know… You can't rely on people like us all the time. An island like this… Even if you hate making weapons, you really should have a few around in case someone like these Trump idiots tries to take over again."

The scientists were left speechless. They just stared as we walked away, unable to cope with Zoro's casual combativeness any more than they were with Luffy's carefree talk of risks and adventure. And there was something familiar about their expressions… Or maybe just their faces in general. Kind of reminded me of Akisu. But maybe that was just my imagination.

We were out of town and right at the base of the castle by the time Borodo and Akisu caught up to us again. The thieves were panting and scowling at our cook.

"That wasn't very nice!" Akisu tried to kick Sanji in the shin. The cook huffed and stepped out of the way.

"What did you expect? We're pirates, and we don't have any money right now. It's all with Nami." Sanji danced like a noodle at the thought of our navigator. Zoro rolled his eyes and calmed the chef down with a solid thump on the head.

Borodo looked at me and rubbed the back of his head. "It- it's fine. I sort of deserve it. So, I'm starting to get the idea that there's not much point in asking this, but do you guys have a plan? _Besides_ just beating them up and rescuing your ship and navigator?"

"No." Luffy picked his nose. "Do we need a plan? I'm good at beating people up."

"Well, things might go easier for you if you could get right to the top from the outside, instead of trying to fight your way up through the castle itself. The Trump Family has a lot of minions in there, and even if a lot of them aren't the smartest, they're persistent and dangerous."

Zoro grinned. "So are we."

Ghin raised an eyebrow in Borodo's direction. "Why? Do _you_ have a plan?"

"Not a plan, exactly, but I _do_ have a way to get op the tower without having to go inside." Borodo led us to a series of ropes and pulleys hidden on one side of the castle. These ropes ended with a hidden basket, making a sort-of outdoor dumbwaiter. Wood and metal creaked as Borodo tugged and fiddled until the pulleys were able to move easily.

The basket was a little small for ten people, but it still rose into the air. Luffy clapped and stared at the town below as we ascended. "Hey! Those windmills look just like mine! I wonder if it came from one of those shops earlier?"

"You have a windmill?" Johnny asked, confused. The captain nodded and pulled a small, wooden toy out of his pocket. It was indeed a windmill, with a roof that looked like a pink version of a Dairy Queen soft serve swirl.

"Yup! I found it in a tidal pool back on the resort island." Luffy turned the key on the bottom; nothing happened. He frowned. "Aww, it broke. I must've sat on it or something…"

"Give it here." Akisu pulled a few tools from his coat pocket and took the roof off the little toy. He fiddled around with it for a minute, then put it back together and turned the key experimentally. The windmill's blades spun around, accompanied by a faint chiming music.

Luffy beamed as he took his toy back. "Shishishi! You're pretty good at this stuff!"

The little boy flushed and looked away. When he spoke, his voice was full of embarrassment and pride. "I've always been good with my hands. Borodo taught me, but he says I'm already better than he is."

I looked down over the other side of the basket, revelling in the joy of near-flight. Below and off to one side I could see the gate into Trump Castle, located not far above the main island platform. Behind it were a large number of pirates, who seemed to be setting up for a celebration of some sort. Yep, taking the dumbwaiter instead of trying to get in the normal way was a good idea. While Zoro and Luffy would usually have no problem taking on that many mooks, it might be tougher with the swordsman down a few blades.

We were about three-quarters of the way up when a window opened facing us. Out jumped Boo Jack, carrying a bundle of clothing for Honey- who appeared out of a pipe seconds later. Naked. Both landed on the lines that came down from the castle and stared down at us. Honey dressed herself with a lack of hurry that was mildly disturbing.

Sanji's eyes turned to hearts; a trickle of blood ran down from his nose. This time it was Ghin who punched the cook to calm him down. "Quit flirting with the enemy already! You're embarrassing!"

Zoro smirked. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

"Aw... The peasants are trying to disturb Papa's wedding." Honey pouted. "Let's take them down Boo Jack."

"Heh, heh. On it!" The pig-man jumped from his line and rolled through the air like a ball, aiming for the dumbwaiter. Tabarnak. His spikes would tear right through the ropes!

"Oh no you don't! I won't let you keep us from saving Nami!" Sanji jumped up and slammed his uninjured foot into the spinning human projectile. There was a sickening crack; Sanji yelped as his leg snapped in an odd direction. Spikes tore into his skin, drawing blood. The force of the impact also sent the cook flying away, falling to slam into the dirt with a loud crunch. Meanwhile his attacker came out of his tumble and landed on one of the castle's many ropes like some sort of circus performer.

"I've got one Honey!" Boo Jack ran down his rope and grabbed Sanji off the ground, racing into the castle before anyone had time to react. Honey shook her head.

"We're trying to take them down, not take them as souvenirs. Foolish younger brother." A wave of her arm sent grape Jell-O washing over the dumbwaiter. Sticky goo clogged the pulleys. The additional weight of the Jell-O combined with the force of the attack made the dumbwaiter swing violently and begin to fall. Honey shot us a malicious smile as she strode up a rope and back into the castle.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Johnny, Yosaku, Akisu, and Usopp hugged each other as we went down. Zoro and Ghin growled, knuckles going white as they gripped the sides of the basket. Borodo rummaged in his messenger bag for something. Beside me, Luffy started giggling.

"Shishishi! This is fun!"

"That it is Captain, but if we don't stop it now, everyone but you'll go splat." Time to use my whip for its intended purpose- random moments of awesome.

"Oh yeah! Not-rubber people don't bounce. Ah! What do we do?!"

"This!" I snapped my whip out with a mighty crack. Did you know the sound of a bullwhip is made by a tiny sonic boom? The end of my whip wrapped around one of the many ropes above us in a way that would make Zorro or Uncle Indy proud. It plucked me out of the dumbwaiter basket, leather snapping tight.

I didn't see what was happening to the rest of my crew mates after that, although I heard a few seconds of yelling and giggling before something smashed below me. The _reason_ I couldn't see what happened was that I was holding my whip with both hands and couldn't really turn my head very far, what with the way my arms were raised. It was at this point I realized a flaw in my plan- I was now dangling with nothing under my feet and no walls nearby for me to climb. Oops.

"Tabarnak… Never covered anything like this at parkour…" I looked around as best I could. Nope, still nothing nearby except the castle's ropes. Well… I mean, I was strong enough that I could probably hang here for several hours, waiting for my crew mates to have time to come get me. But I didn't want to play damsel in distress. What was my training worth if I couldn't save myself? There weren't even any enemies around shooting or anything.

Wind blew past the castle ropes, making a low whistling noise and causing the one I was hanging from to bounce. My whip slid a little; my stomach plummeted as I dropped a few centimeters.

Come on! There had to be some way I could get out of this! I tried twisting from side to side to get a better look around, but this just made my whip slip again. My hands started to sweat; a shot of adrenaline ran down my spine. This only served to make the problem greater- damp palms aren't the best at gripping leather handles.

Merde, merde, shit, shit, shit! I held on tighter, so tight I felt the folds in the leather wrapping digging into my hands. In the back of my mind I was well aware that this would do nothing; the rest of me was more occupied with panic. I had no control here, no idea what to do… Nothing I'd ever done or even seen had prepared me for this.

The wind gusted again, setting me swinging back and forth. Each swing made my whip slide a tiny bit- and there wasn't much whip left. Then I felt something brush against my foot. It was out behind me, about four feet below and two back- one of the castle's other ropes. Close enough, sure, but such an awkward position… The non-panicking part of my mind took over. When next the wind made me swing back, I threw my weight into it. The end of my whip unwrapped from my initial rope at that motion.

For a brief second, I was in free-fall. Terror ran through my body. This wasn't like a vault; more like skydiving. Except without a parachute. And I had no idea how to skydive.

Then I fell- though not very far. The rope I'd been aiming for hit me in the stomach; I wrapped myself around it as best I could. At first I slid, almost rolling off. Getting one leg over the rope fixed that, allowing me to hook on with my knee. I lay awkwardly on the rope for a moment. My breath came in ragged pants; my heart pounded in my chest. Of all the ridiculous, dangerous, _idiotic_ stunts I'd ever tried, that had to take the cake. Or maybe the whole bakery.

I rolled my whip up with trembling hands and clipped it in place on my hip. Okay… Now what? Looking around made the rope shake, forcing me to latch on with all four limbs. I couldn't see any of the others anywhere, even after I spotted the wrecked basket of the dumbwaiter. They must be inside already. Well, in that case, I had two options- slide down to the ground and enter the castle through the main gate, or climb up and enter through a window.

…Window it was.

Rough prickles of hemp poked through my shirt and tickled my hands as I pulled myself up the rope. Little threads tore off and got stuck under my fingernails. It took a few minutes to get up to the window, during which time I kept glancing up with baited breath. If anyone had seen me, I would've been a sitting duck. But no one did.

The window nearest my rope was slightly above and to my left. I could reach the bottom corner from where I was, though, so opening it wouldn't be a problem. Climbing in though… Eh, I'd manage. Fingertips against glass, focus through… Smash. The pane shattered, showering me with tiny shards of glass. I reached into the window frame and brushed away even more shards so I wouldn't cut myself when I put my weight on it. Actually climbing in required that I sit up, only holding the rope with my legs and reaching off to the side in a way that made my spine twinge. But once I had a hold of the sill, I could climb in like it was any other wall, which after the skydiving stunt minutes before was a tremendous relief.

Of course, now I had no idea where I was going. I kept my footsteps as quiet as I could, peeking around corners and checking reflections any time I passed a window. No one. But while a lack of enemies was good, my inability to find stairs or an elevator or _anything_ was a problem. I found two bathrooms, a bedroom, and three closets, as well as a number of locked doors. It… took an embarrassingly long time for it to occur to me that one of those doors could have Nami behind it.

"Tabarnak! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I kept my voice low, hissing at myself. Seriously- hadn't years of _Dungeons and Dragons_ and fantasy video games taught me to check every room and loot every chest? Lack of actual lock-picking proficiency aside, why did I _not_ think to check every room for mission objectives and cool loot? Probably because it was a little different seeing things from this side of the story.

I went back to the nearest locked door and smashed a focus break into the upper half of the wood. A large chunk broke and fell inwards, splinters digging into my palm. Reaching through the hole, I groped around for the doorknob to get the door open. This was how I got myself caught with my arm through a door, more or less trapped, as I stepped into a room where Honey was examining what appeared to be different bridesmaid gowns.

Golden eyebrows arched in my direction. "You peasants are still trying to interrupt Papa's wedding? Really?" Honey sighed and stepped over, grabbing my trapped arm before I could pull back. She placed her other hand over my face and poured grape Jell-O into my mouth and nose.

Purple goo blinded me, choking me. I tried to kick Honey and I think I succeeded, but it was hard to tell. Even if I made contact, my foot just went through her fluid body. Seriously, this was unfair! Grape Jell-O was _not_ a valid choice for a logia! How did her fruit work? Was this the movie's fault or my writer's? I continued to struggle, lungs and throat burning, until blackness replaced the purple goo over my vision and I knew no more.

X

When I woke up, I was hanging from a cross. Ropes wound around my arms and legs just above my training weights, which added an extra layer against me being able to slip out. There were more crosses on either side of me; three of them held crew mates. Sanji, Zoro, Usopp. All three were already awake, and far more alert than I. All of us had been stripped of weapons- and in my case, my bandoliers and utility belt- although they were all piled within my line of vision. That was careless of whoever had captured us. If we got out, we could be armed in seconds.

All of this- crosses, prisoners, and weaponry- was arranged in a half circle out on a vast balcony. Grand glass doors in front of us showed into the room at the top of the castle's highest tower; inside, I could see Honey, Boo Jack, Pin Joker, and Skunk One dressed up for a party. The Bear King sat on an enormous throne on the other end of the room, with Nami kneeling on one side. She didn't look hurt, just uncomfortable and pissed off. Although I couldn't see from where I was whether she was bound or not.

Coughing up Jell-O, I turned my head to look at Zoro and Usopp. "So… How'd you get caught?"

"Ratty weirdo with paralyzing gas coming out of his fart backpack," Usopp coughed.

Zoro groaned. "Weird clown swordsman who somehow fired poison darts out of his rapier. Claimed I'd scarred his face, but I don't remember ever having met him before. And the one thief took off on us; said that if we couldn't save the island, he'd do it himself. Apparently he stole the _Merry_ to lure us here or something. You?"

"Drowned in Jell-O by a half-naked tart." I tugged at my bindings, but they didn't feel like they were going to bust any time soon. "Anyone think they can get out?"

"If we could, we would've already." Zoro was actually panting. "I can still barely move from whatever poison Pin Joker used."

I turned my head the other way. "Sanji?"

"Afraid not Jones. Shitty pig-man tore up my other foot, and I think my leg's broken."

Usopp let out an indignant wheeze. "Hey! Why aren't you asking me?"

"Mostly cause if Zoro and Sanji can't get out, I don't expect you to be able to. Why? Can you?"

"…No…"

"That's what I thought." They'd even taken my Swiss Army Knife out of my pocket. I glared at the heap of confiscated weapons and tools. Use the Force Jones… Willing my knife to fly into my hand did absolutely nothing. Or, maybe not- after a few minutes it gave me a pretty killer headache. That might have been all the squinting and glaring though.

My growl of frustration was cut off by the grinding of gears. A great steel box rose from the floor in front of the balcony door, blocking my view in. Must've been an elevator of some sort. Although, while I couldn't see what was going on anymore, I could hear just fine as Borodo's voice cut the air.

"I can't let you keep going like this Bear King! I've come to free this island- for Akisu, and for all the scientists you've enslaved."

The voice that answered him was dark and gruff. "You and what army? Those no-bounty pirates you came with? We've already caught half of them; the rest won't be far behind."

Borodo laughed. It was a harsh, deranged sound- panicked; a laugh to cover up fear. "Did you forget? I'm a thief! We always have a plan B- and as long as Akisu's safe, I don't care anymore what happens to me."

There was a sound of heavy cloth crumpling on the floor- like when you throw a pair of jeans across your bedroom and they don't land quite where you expected. Someone gasped-I couldn't tell who. Then the Bear King started laughing. "You fool! Do you not _see_ what's under the floor? If you blow this room up, the whole island will go down! How does _that_ tie in with your plan to save everyone?"

No reply. Something clattered to the ground. This was followed by heavy footsteps, a muffled grunt of fear, and the smashing of flesh and bone against metal. After a moment, dents began appearing in the raised elevator. A few of them were even person-shaped- I wondered how much force was required to make dents like _that_. And not just overall force either- the incredible _concentration_ of it, to not disperse on impact with the steel. What impressed me most, though, was that Borodo didn't cry out. It was stupid of him- a yell or something gets the air out of your lungs so they don't pop like balloons on impact- but brave.

Tiny footsteps slapped against stone under the sound of the beating. Maudit- don't tell me Akisu was running into the battle zone. The little boy yelled with unintelligible anger; whatever he tried to do was cut off with a thump as one of the Trumps took him out. I strained against my bonds. If only I could get free, I could at least get the kid out of there! Zoro and Sanji struggled beside me; none of us were even able to loosen the ropes.

And then a section of the castle… erupted, for lack of a better term. A column of rooms like layers of some sort of demented cake popped and squeezed upwards like they were being forced out of a tube of toothpaste, falling back and tumbling over the edge of the island as something pushed them up from underneath. A rubbery twang echoed from the resulting hole, followed by a heavy thump and two voices.

"Bear King! I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Don Luffy, I agree this man's ass needs kicking, but would it kill you to take the stairs?" Ghin sounded like he was in pain. Given how unreliable landings were when flying Air Gum-Gum, he probably was.

"But that's too slow! And not cool enough!" I smiled, hearing those words in my captain's voice. He was _definitely_ Garp's grandson. Then there was a small scuffing noise- familiar, but I couldn't place it. "Oh hey, what's this? Shishishi! It burns well!"

"Put that down! It's dynamite!"

"Oh. Okay." Something small struck metal and rolled around; my stomach decided to vacate my body via my knees. "He Bear King! Where'd you put our friends?!"

"Hahahahaha! You idiot! You've just saved me the trouble of disposing of them by blowing them up yourself!"

It was worse than standing next to a cannon when it went off. I didn't even hear the full noise; my hearing was gone after the first blast, replaced by ringing and dizzying pressure. Shrapnel tore through my clothes, slicing into skin; I felt warm beads of blood welling up and trickling down from _everywhere_. My eyes were only saved because of my glasses, which received a great scratch across one lens from flying metal. Even so, I couldn't see right away; the heat and flash left me blinking away spots as I gagged on the smell of burnt bananas and hot steel.

One good thing came of being caught in the explosion- the shrapnel ripped through my bindings like a forty-six Ford through a DeLorean. I fell to the ground, barely coherent enough for a proper break-fall. Zoro and Usopp were in the same boat. The blast had freed Sanji too, but with both feet injured and one leg twisted in an odd direction, I doubted the cook would be in fighting condition any time soon. Where was Chopper when you needed him?

…Rhetorical question. Don't answer that.

"Luffy, you idiot!" Usopp jumped through the smoke to hit our captain over the head as soon as he regained his senses. Half a second later the sniper rushed past me in the other direction, Skunk One hot on his tail. Fingers scrabbled on stone as Usopp raced to climb the outer wall of the castle. Of course- the pool with the _Merry_ in it was just above us. He was going for his weapon.

Speaking of which… I dove for my own armaments, grabbing the first thing that came to my hand. Gun. I fired as soon as the smoke cleared, aiming for Bear King's leg at the same moment Luffy attacked the Trump captain with a Gum-Gum Gatling. My captain's attack did nothing; my own missed entirely, reflected off the barrel of the biggest cannon I'd ever seen, and punched a hole in a window.

"Hahahahaha! You kids can't possibly defeat me- my Hard-Hard Fruit makes me immune to physical attack!"

Luffy shouted at me over his shoulder. "Jones! Find your own fight- this guy's mine!"

"Sorry!" Okay, gun was a bad idea. I was a lousy shot, and at this range I might hit my crew mates. So I grabbed my sais instead, bringing them around just in time to catch the spinning spiked ball that was Boo Jack. While my weapons were enough to make sure I wasn't sliced open by the aforementioned spikes, I was thrown backwards into a railing from the force of the impact. Pain bloomed across my spine.

"Zoro! Ghin! Catch!" Usopp had reached the _Merry_. Three katana and a set of tonfa fell from the sky. Their wielders growled as they raced to catch them.

"Be more careful with other people's things, idiot!" Zoro actually caught _Wado Ichimonji_ in his mouth. The swordsman turned to face Pin Joker with a snarl. "So… How about we try this again? _Without_ a portcullis for your cheating ass to hide behind."

"You'll still lose- my Sword of Needles is inconceivable!"

Zoro blew away the darts that came at him as Pin Joker lunged. "Tatsumaki! Oni Giri!" And that was anticlimactic. One good hit was all it took. The Straw Hat swordsman winced as the movement caused some of his previously acquired injuries to resume bleeding. "I'd say the word you were looking for was invincible, but you weren't even close. As if I could lose to someone like you- I've still got a long journey ahead of me before I face Mihawk again."

I braced myself as Boo Jack rolled at me again, flipping my sais around for a double low thrust. Right before impact, my vision was blocked by a maroon hoodie. A horrid grinding noise rang through the air as the pig-man's spinning spikes grated against Ghin's tonfa. The former Krieg pirate huffed and flung Boo Jack to one side. "This one's outta your league Jones; let me handle him."

"Fine." He was right, but it stung. So I slipped to the side and ran into the castle with the intent of engaging Honey- she _couldn't_ be a logia, whatever she was, so there had to be a way for me to beat her.

Footsteps on stairs; Johnny and Yosaku entered the room at the same time I did, carrying a large barrel between them. Luffy giggled as a punch from Bear King sent him flying over the hunters' heads. "Shishishishi! There you guys are! Where'd you go?"

"Needed to get something bro." The hunters placed their barrel on the floor and took the lid off. Inside was… nothing? What- were they expecting it to be _easy_ to just shove a Devil Fruit user in a barrel?

Honey laughed at first, when I swiped a sai through her head and spun the other to jam its tsukagashira into her stomach. Jell-O squished and oozed around my hands. Let's see… Gelatin, gelatin… Melts at a point lower than human body temperatures… Related to collagen-based glues… Readily soluble in polarized solvents… But I didn't have any nail polish remover with me! "Johnny! Yosaku! Do either of you have any acetic acid, methanol, or ethanol?"

"…What?"

"Vinegar, rubbing alcohol, or rum?!" It took me a moment to translate chemistry into everyday uses. "Really, anything with alcohol of any kind would be appreciated!"

"Why didn't you say that in the first place Big Sis? Just hold on a minute!" Johnny ran out of the room. Yosaku joined me in striking futilely at Honey as the Jell-O lady tried to drown me in sticky goo. I was better prepared this time though; she couldn't catch me as easily when I wasn't stuck in a door.

"Where's he going?"

"Well Sis, they're getting set for a wedding or something here. There's a whole room down below full of rum and cakes and stuff."

"Oh. That'll do."

Luckily, Honey wasn't actually a very good fighter when it got up close and personal. Indoors she couldn't swamp everyone with waves of Jell-O- not unless she wanted to hit her own family too. Once Ghin beat Boo Jack into the floor, the gelatin lady let out a squeak of fear and tried to disappear into a pipe; Yosaku got there just before she did and blocked it by shoving his shirt into the intake. That was when Johnny returned.

"Big Sis, catch!" The blue hunter threw a trio of rum bottles at my head. Okay, what was with everyone throwing weapons that weren't meant to be thrown? That was dangerous!

Growling, I did one better. Instead of trying to catch the bottles, I spun my sais up and out to smash them, spraying Honey with alcohol and shards of glass. Except… I only had two hands, and there were three bottles. The third still smashed alright, but it did so against my forehead. So while Honey went down nursing chemical burns as alcohol ate at her gelatinous body, I went down with my eyes spinning and blood dripping down my face. Or was it rum? Maybe both; I thought I tasted both.

Yosaku at least had the sense to stuff Honey in the barrel and close it before going to hit Johnny. "Be more careful! You hit Big Sis!"

"Ow! Sorry…"

"Save it for later guys. We're not done here." Nami was up, a rope dangling from her hands. So she _had_ been bound. "If you haven't noticed, there's still a huge gun to take care of, and Luffy's having _zero_ luck fighting Bear King. Whose arm is on fire."

I looked around, shaking my head. "So the lights aren't a concussion. That's nice to know." But how was Bear King's arm on fire? Hadn't he just said he had the Hard-Hard Fruit? Eh, maybe it was some sort of gadget he'd forced the scientists to make for him. That seemed likely.

"You should still stay down." Borodo staggered to the four of us, leaning on a wall for support. "Even if that's not why you're seeing lights, you might still have a concussion. Let me handle this." The thief climbed shakily onto a seat that was attached to the back of the giant cannon and began fiddling with a group of levers. After a few seconds, a shell- full on _shell_ , not just a cannonball- exploded out of the barrel and headed straight for Bear King.

Hearing protection! Why didn't I think to buy hearing protection when we were in Loguetown? At this rate, I would be deaf by the time we got to Jaya.

The hairy hulk of a man twisted to one side just in time, the shell smashing through a window and exploding out over the sea. "You-! How dare you?! I'll teach you to use my own weapons against me!"

Bear King pulled a pistol from within his shaggy coat. The gun looked like it had been kludged together from an assortment of nuts and bolts, but it fired as well- and as loudly- as any flintlock. And it was aimed straight for Borodo's chest. That's not who it hit though, because from the moment Bear King took aim, Akisu was moving. By the time he shot, the boy had jumped in front of his older brother. It was _Akisu_ who took the bullet in the chest.

My brain went blank- and from the enraged yells I heard around me, I wasn't the only one. A _child_ \- that was too far. It didn't matter that Akisu was the one who moved, that Bear King had been aiming for Borodo. I forgot my captain's previous orders; I dropped my sais and ran at the head of the Trump family. The result? A very large fist slammed me into a wall, hard enough that I could barely maintain consciousness, let alone get up to fight again. Behind me, cracks formed in the stone.

But for that fraction of a second, Bear King was distracted. This gave Luffy an opening. And since the Hard-Hard Fruit made punching the hairy man an exercise in futility, my captain decided to throw him instead. "Gum-Gum Bazooka!"

The last window smashed as Bear King flew through it. A few long seconds passed as the Trump captain soared out of sight, ending in a faint splash. For a moment everyone was silent, frozen. Then a small voice coughed.

"Bo… rodo? You're okay?"

"What?" Borodo's eyes went wide with surprise. He moved as if to hug Akisu, then stopped at the last second, not wanting to hurt the boy more. "I- I'm fine. You- Akisu, you're alive?"

In response, the boy smiled and pulled a thick, irregular chunk of steel from under his jacket. "That scrap you always pick up was useful after all."

"And I'll never let you forget it again." Borodo picked up his little brother and checked him for other injuries. Aside from a massive bruise, Akisu was fine.

This broke the spell of shock that had fallen over everyone else. Nami stalked over to Luffy and swatted him over the head. "You better have a plan for retrieving that idiot, idiot! Until we get bounties of our own, people like him are worth money!"

"Sorry… But Nami, he was an _asshole_. Anyone who'd shoot a kid deserves it!"

"I…" The navigator deflated. "You're right. He's scum, and he deserved what he got."

Awkward silence. Sanji and I broke it simultaneously with groans of pain. The cook managed to lever himself up onto his good leg and half-hop, half-drag himself along a wall until he was closer to the rest of us. "I don't suppose there's a doctor on this shitty island? Jones looks like she's in bad shape and I- ugh- I'm not at my best either."

"Fuck." Ghin looked at Borodo, who nodded. The former Krieg pirate put down his tonfa and picked me up on his back. "Johnny, Yosaku, get the cook. Zoro, can I trust you to get everyone's stuff back to the _Merry_?"

"Yeah." The swordsman looked a little insulted by the insinuation that he would even consider doing otherwise.

I did my best to hold onto Ghin's shoulders, but my arms felt like noodles. _Sore_ noodles. My brain really, _really_ wanted to check out right now; I was going to be regretting this day for a while, if the bruises I could feel on my _everything_ were anything to go by. But a chiming noise was keeping me awake, loud and insistent. Musical too, like a great Bavarian clock. Which, I figured out once I could convince two brain cells to work together without hurting, was more or less what it was. The Diamond Clock that had started this whole debacle.

Even that chiming couldn't keep me awake for long though. Especially with the rhythmic bobbing that was Ghin walking down the stairs. Blackness crept in as my brain checked out, deciding that I was in too much pain and it could deal with everything later.

X

I woke up on the deck of the _Going Merry_ , seated against a crate someone had brought up from the hold. Sanji was nearby- he was up and standing, one leg raised gingerly as he leaned on a pair of crutches. The cook smiled when he saw I was awake. "How're you feeling Jones?"

"Like I got sat on by a cow. How's your leg?"

"Not broken, so better than I thought. Twisted my knee and sprained my ankle, but I should be alright in a few days. Shitty doctor said to try and take it easy, but…" The cook shrugged and lit a cigarette.

"That's good. That you didn't break it, I mean." I tried to stand up and immediately regretted it. Nope, I'd just stay here with the nice crate for a little while. "So, what'd I miss?"

"Well, Nami and the shitty thief got our ship down- they won't tell anybody _how_ , trade secrets or something- and the two scientists we met in the café are Akisu's parents."

"Of _course_ they are." I shook my head. "Gotta give the movie some semblance of coherency."

"What?"

"Never mind. Not important." A slow look around revealed that we were already out at sea, Clockwork Island disappearing behind us. Funny, I thought that the islands from the movies usually got destroyed at the end by Luffy's final fight. But I'd only actually seen two, so maybe I was wrong.

Borodo pulled up beside us in his little cutter. "Well Straw Hats, I guess this is goodbye. Thanks for your help- even if it didn't go quite the way I expected."

Nami smiled at him from her chart table. "That's a common reaction to our crew. So… Are you even actually a thief? You left the Diamond Clock behind."

"Of course I am. I just… Akisu and his family are more important than some clock, no matter how much I could sell it for."

Our navigator looked out over the _Merry_ \- at Usopp fiddling with his ammunition, at Johnny and Yosaku doing something suspicious with a packet of blue dye and a piece of tinsel, at Zoro and Ghin sparring. "Yeah. I know what you mean."

Then Luffy vaulted off the figurehead and bounced over. "Hey Frodo! Where's your partner?"

Borodo bit his lip. "I- I left him on Clockwork Island. Akisu's just a kid; I couldn't ask him to keep getting involved with my stunts now that it's safe for him to be at home. Besides, with the treasure I was able to loot from the Trumps' treasury, I can hire someone more competent to help out."

"So you're trying to replace me, huh?" Akisu tore out of the cutter's tiny cabin and kicked Borodo in the back of the knee. The elder thief froze.

"A-Akisu? I thought you were staying with your parents."

The boy stared at the deck, shuffling and biting his lip. "I- They- Mom and Dad are nice and all, and I like knowing that they're there for me to visit, but _you're_ the one who raised me. My big brother!" Then Akisu looked up, defiance and love filling his eyes in equal measure. "Besides, they're busy now working on the island's new defense system, and you're hopeless on your own."

"Oh really?" Borodo's face morphed from confusion to an amused smile. Akisu nodded.

"Yeah! Which is why we should split the treasure fifty-fifty!"

"Hey! We agreed when you were five- seventy-thirty."

"I'm not five anymore and I just took a bullet for you! I want a raise!"

Their arguing grew slowly fainter as the _Merry_ left the little cutter behind. It made me smile. Akisu was a special little guy, to bounce back so quickly after what had happened- especially at his age. He'd make a great dashing rogue someday- a real Errol Flynn type. Or maybe Johnny Depp, given the average tendencies of this world.

Remembering something important, I looked up at Nami. "Do we have-?"

"All five are tied up in the cargo hold, like we did with Arlong and his men. I'm looking for the nearest marine base now- anywhere but Loguetown. I don't think going back there would be a good idea with the way that girl with the sword and glasses was glaring at Zoro when we left."

"Probably a good idea. I don't think we could keep Luffy from blurting out that we're pirates in front of Smoker again." A dark speck on the horizon filled me with dread. Were we about to be attacked again? "Usopp, what's that?"

The sniper glanced in the direction I was pointing with a frown. "Didn't you buy all kinds of tools and stuff when we were in Loguetown?"

"Yes. Your point?"

"Can't you check what it is yourself? Why do I have to do it?"

"Because I don't have binoculars or a spyglass or anything. Can't use them with my glasses on, can't see through them if I take my glasses off; no point."

"Oh." Usopp pulled his goggles down over his eyes and looked. "Huh. Hey Johnny! Do marine ships accept prisoner transfer from bounty hunters?"

"Sometimes. Why?"

"Marine ship, port horizon!"

That… I doubted whatever movie this was ended with a marine chase. This smelled like shenanigans- especially since I could only think of two or three marine ships that might be sailing alone in the area right now. Not that I knew marine patrol patterns or anything, but still. This was just a little too coincidental. I dragged myself to my feet and staggered over to the sniper, wincing with every step. "Can you see the figurehead?"

"Yeah, it's a bulldog. Why?"

Tabarnak. Why was stuffing in a movie not enough- why did my writer have to pull in a contrived coincidence early meeting too? Hopefully the answer was just so that we could get the Trumps out of our hold. But how do you hide a hyperactive rubber boy from his grandfather when said grandfather can use _kenbunshoku haki_? Why couldn't my writer have just had us find a small marine outpost on some random island or something?

Luffy froze at Usopp's words. "B-bulldog figurehead? You're sure?"

"Yep."

My stomach decided once again to leave via my knees. From the expression on his face, Luffy felt the same. The rubber boy clutched the edges of his hat, pulling the poor, abused straw down around his ears as if he was trying to hide in it. "Jones! Why's _he_ here?"

"I- The paper said he's on his way to pick up Morgan for transport to Impel Down."

"The marine asshole Zoro and I beat up? Okay. What do we do?"

"Hide." I turned to the rest of the crew. "Furl the mainsail! Take the flag down! Hide anything with our Jolly Roger on it!" So saying, I took off my necklace and shoved it in my pocket. For once I didn't bother to hide the fear in my voice and face. After all, if Luffy was terrified, it was perfectly acceptable for anyone else to be.

Everyone was confused, but they rushed to do as I said. Our marks were all hidden in seconds, even the tiny ones Usopp had been doodling on his hand while he worked. Luffy trembled beside me as I tried to figure out how to beat a vice-admiral's haki.

"Jones, Jones, Jones! He's gonna find me, and take me, and make me into a marine… What do I do? I don't wanna be a marine!"

"Shush! I'm thinking!" Which was hard. My heart raced; a lump of fear growing in my throat made my voice come out as a croak. Let's see… The primary use of kenbunshoku haki was to read intentions for tracking and dodging purposes. Being tired from Clockwork Island would probably mute and distort Luffy's aura or whatever- although Garp had seen Luffy tired before, so I couldn't bet on that. Maybe if Luffy thought un-Luffy-like thoughts? If Garp wasn't actively looking for his grandson, that might be enough. Or… Not thinking had kept- would keep?- Enel from getting a read on Luffy in Skypiea.

"Captain, you need to hide in the head. Make yourself as small as you can and don't think of anything- or if you _have_ to think, think about quantum mechanics." That should be sufficiently un-Luffy-like enough to throw Garp off.

"Okay. But what are quantum mechs? Can I eat them?"

"No. I- Look, I'll explain later. Try and figure it out yourself while you're hiding. If you get it right, I'll get Sanji to make you a special dessert." Stupid promise; I didn't understand quantum mechanics well enough to explain them to anyone. But Luffy wouldn't care anyway, so it was fine.

Luffy nodded and scrambled across the deck, disappearing below so fast I smelled burnt rubber. And just in time too. The marine ship had spotted us and was coming our way. Moments later there was a man o'war first class towering over the _Merry_ , covering our deck in shadow. I staggered back to my crate to lean on it, unsure if I'd make it through this whole encounter standing if I didn't have support.

White suit, piercing brown eyes, a broad grin in a wrinkled face- Garp stared down at us and my knees started shaking. On screen he was funny; in person, not so much. "You brats need help?"

I opened my mouth; no sound came out. A few more tries yielded the same result. Unable to come up with any words, I shook my head and stared at the deck. Even without making eye contact I was getting dizzy. Not good. Then I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. Zoro.

"Calm down Jones. Can't have you passing out again." The swordsman looked up at Garp. "Nah, we're fine. But we've got some bounties in the hold if you're interested."

Garp raised an eyebrow. "You're that bounty hunter all the East Blue recruits hate- Roronoa Zolo, right?"

"It's _Zoro_. And I don't care if they hate me, as long as they don't get in my way. Do you want the guys we captured or not?" The swordsman folded his arms.

"Who are they?"

"Some guys called the Trump Family or something. They took over an island for a while." A vein was twitching at Zoro's temple; every word was bitten out with unnecessary force. Right, he hated lying. Not that he _had_ yet, not really, but even lying by omission wasn't his thing.

"Bring 'em out. If they're who you say they are, we'll take 'em."

A tall man in a brown suit cleared his throat beside Garp. That would be Bogart, or whatever his name was. Something like that. "Sir, that's against regulations. We're not supposed to exchange bounties on the way to a court martial pickup."

"Bah. Regulations're no fun. You're starting to sound like Senny. Don't do that; it'll make you an old man too early."

Bogart sighed. "Of course sir."

Johnny and Yosaku ran to retrieve the Trump Family from the hold. Garp grunted and nodded when he saw them. "Alright, that's them. Someone get the bounty money while I pick 'em up." The old marine jumped down to our ship, landing with an echoing thump.

"So, how'd you catch these guys?" Garp stared at the bound and gagged Trumps. "Captains around here've been looking for them for years."

Zoro was silent. I could feel the air temperature dropping as he and Garp stared at each other. Merde. Come on voice, work, work. Still staring at the deck, I wrung my hands until my nails started tearing little nicks in my skin. "I- um, a man who was desperate to save the, uh, island they took over led us to them." Yay! Words!

Garp looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "And who're you?"

"J-Jones, sir."

"Jones what?"

Maudit. Why did he want my full name? How did he even _know_ Jones wasn't my full name? But before I could say anything, Zoro beat me to it. "Just call her Jones, old man. Works well enough."

"Old man?! Don't you know who I am, brat?" Garp puffed up like an angry rooster; for a moment I was worried he would punch our swordsman. Then again, if anyone on the crew could take one of those blows and keep coming, it was Zoro.

"Sorry, no. Should I?"

"Bwahahahahahaha!" Garp went from indignant to laughing in the blink of an eye. "I thought everyone did these days! Maybe I should come home more often, if kids in the East Blue don't recognize me. Garp the Fist."

Usopp squeaked. "The- the marine hero who captured Gold Roger?" Note to self, tell crew mates the last pirate king's real name.

"Yep! That's me!" Garp grabbed the Trumps one by one and more or less flung them up onto his own ship. So careless… But I guess when you're both a D and a marine hero, you can get away with doing things like that. "Born and raised here in the East Blue- still come back to see my grandson sometimes. Maybe I should take him on a recruiting run, get kids like you used to seeing me around again."

"Sir! The bounty money!" One of the marines tossed a briefcase over to the _Merry_. Garp caught it and looked around.

"Who's in charge of money and stuff around here? Where's your captain?"

"Money would be me." Nami came over to take the briefcase and count the bills inside. She opened it up on her chart table. "Our captain's… indisposed. Something he ate disagreed with him; he's been shut up in the head for the past fifteen minutes."

Bless you and your roguish background Nami. Now Garp wouldn't be suspicious of sensing a presence belowdecks- as long as it still didn't feel like Luffy. Although… How had the old marine even been able to tell that Zoro _wasn't_ the captain? He certainly looked the part, plus he already had a bit of a reputation and unlike Ghin, had enough lone wolf in him to make him a believable leader.

"Oh."

Zoro frowned up at Garp. "Why does it matter? You need to talk to the captain or something? Last time we brought in bounties, the bondsman was fine just talking to me."

The old marine rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, I'm supposed to- check damages and things, see if he's got a proper license and all- plus I'd like to meet the kid. Wish my own grandson would be a little more like you brats- although a marine would be even better. Keeps going on about being a pirate of all things. Yeah, definitely gotta visit. So… If I can't see the captain, who's second in command?"

"Depends what you need to talk about. Nami there's our sailing master and unofficial accountant; Johnny and Yosaku keep track of active bounties." Zoro was sweating a little, but his voice was still steady. "And why aren't our individual licenses enough? Johnny, Yosaku, and I all have good ones." He produced a piece of paper from his haramaki.

Garp waved a hand. "You guys're fine. But if your captain's license isn't good, he should really get it updated. Sending you guys to hand in bounties all the time must be embarrassing."

Zoro relaxed. "We'll tell him."

The briefcase snapped closed again; Nami looked up and nodded. She had a cat-like smile on her face. "It's all here."

"Of course it is," Garp snorted. "Well, I guess that's all. You kids keep doing what you're doing and all- unless you wanna join the marines. We could always use a few more swords and clever girls." Then he squinted at Ghin. "Hey… You look familiar. We met before?"

"No. I must just have one of those faces." Ghin turned away and made himself busy checking the lines on the mizzenmast.

Garp shook his head. "Must be getting old." He reached over and patted me on the head, his hand heavy. I twitched, my instincts at war- my first reaction was to attack, but my fear of Garp had me frozen. "Work on that stutter of yours Jonesie; bad guys won't be intimidated if you can barely talk to 'em."

The _Going Merry_ shook as the marine hero jumped back to his own ship. Garp flashed us a sloppy, half-assed salute as his ship started to sail off. I relaxed so much I slid down off my crate, lying limp across the deck like a gutted fish. And I'd barely even done anything this time. Zoro huffed and nudged me with his foot while everyone went about getting the ship ready to sail again.

"So… Who was that, that you and Luffy were both so scared of him?"

I shook my head. "No backstories without permission, remember? Ask Luffy."

So naturally, when the marine ship was no longer visible and Yosaku had retrieved Luffy from the head, our captain found himself surrounded by the entire crew. Usopp fidgeted and rubbed at his nose. "So, Luffy… Who was that guy? Why were you and Jones so scared of him? And why did he think he recognized Ghin?"

The tonfa wielder hit the sniper over the head for that last one. "I've been a pirate longer than you is all. He probably saw a picture of me in some report on Krieg or something."

"Oh."

Luffy looked around, double-checking that the marines really were gone. "He's- That's my grandpa."

" _ **WHAT?!**_ " The _Merry_ shook with the force of everyone's combined disbelief. Usopp looked like he was about to piss himself; Johnny jumped into Yosaku's arms.

"Garp the Fist- the man who caught Gold Roger- is your GRANDFATHER?!" Nami seized Luffy by the front of his shirt and started shaking him back and forth. He nodded, though it was barely noticeable with him being turned into a human bobblehead. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?! _JONES…_ WHY DIDN'T _YOU_ TELL US?!"

I was too limp and sore to try and escape when Nami switched from shaking Luffy to glaring at me- while still holding Luffy. Although I wasn't sure what she intended to do to me. "In my defense, Captain gave me a no backstory rule, and Garp's a hell of a lot more important to Luffy's backstory than Dragon was. Also, I didn't expect to run into him for several months."

Usopp whimpered. "First the leader _and_ chief-of-staff of the Revolutionary Army, now the man who captured Gold Roger… What's next? Is your other brother the secret son of the pirate king? An enforcer on some big shot pirate's crew? A minor god?"

Eyes going wide, Luffy turned to me with his mouth open. I answered his question before he could ask. "No, I haven't told him anything about Ace."

"Oh. Okay then." The captain went from mortified to beaming in a blink. "Oh yeah! I'm supposed to guess what those quantum mechs are! I've got two!"

Closing my eyes, I nodded. Anything that meant I didn't have to move. "Fire away."

"Okay! First one- does it have anything to do with cola?"

What? WHAT? I couldn't even… "Sesehihihihihi! Where'd you get that idea?"

"I dunno. Quantum and mechs both just sound like they go with cola for some reason."

"First of all, it's quantum _mechanics._ Not mechs. And second of all… No. What's your second guess?"

"Quantum mechs are a mystery force that's why Zoro got lost on Syrup Island!"

The aforementioned swordsman hit the rubber captain in the head, as did Nami and Usopp. "YOU GOT LOST TOO!"

Well, that was… Honestly closer than I'd expected, especially after the cola comment. _Was_ that how Zoro's nonsense of direction worked? The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle? The more he knew about his momentum, the less he knew about his position? It would certainly explain why the swordsman got lost worse during a big fight or something, but seemed perfectly fine wandering around the ship- he cared less when he was on his way to head than when he knew every second counted getting somewhere so he could save a friend.

"Sesehihihihihi!" I couldn't stop laughing; tears leaked out of my eyes and I could barely breathe. "L-Luffy, I think- hihihihihi!- I think you just won the internet. But yes, mystery force is- hihihihihi!- a good way of describing quantum mechanics. Hihihihihihihi! Close enough!"

The rubber boy stared at me and picked his nose. "I don't get it, but does that mean I win?"

"Yes! Yes, you won. Gods above and below, I think you just won _everything_." And maybe I could actually _use_ this to get Zoro where he needed to be without wandering all over entire islands first.

"Cool! I want those maple bacon donut things Sanji made for you on our way to Cocoyashi- they were good!"

Sputtering, the cook glared at both of us. "And why'm I involved in your shitty bet?"

"Because the best way to motivate the captain to do anything is with food, but nobody trusts my cooking."

"At least _ask_ first next time." Sanji limped off to the galley to begin cooking. Luffy bounced along behind him, singing a nonsense song about donuts and bacon that would actually have been at home on a late nineties Tim Horton's commercial.

 **A/N: Seriously, I take only half responsibility for Honey's weird Devil Fruit. This movie was never given an official translation and the fruit was never properly explained anywhere that I could find. All I know is that it acts like a logia, and the name Toro-Toro no Mi basically translates as Bloop-Bloop Fruit- the sound of a jelly-like substance.**


	7. Apostrophe

**Apostrophe: When the character directly addresses a figure who is dead or absent, an imaginary or nonhuman entity, or a place or concept. The object of the apostrophe is often, but not always, personified.**

 **The Patient One: Thank you. There'll be some progress with the Force-Force Fruit soon.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Yeah, I looked up a few movies for ideas of more stuff to play with. A lot of people don't know about most of them because so many were never translated.**

 **Xipholynx: As always, thank you very much. ^_^**

 **CV12Hornet: The fruit will start doing things soon. End of this chapter there's a little, then more in the next one.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Yes, when he eventually finds out, Garp will have a fit. And Usopp is totally broken— which I can have so much fun with. As far as Omatsuri... Spoiling that this early wouldn't help much. Half the crew would forget by the time they got there.**

 **camierose: Thank you. ^_^ I'm pleased you like it.**

 **Guest: *is hugged* Thank you. ^_^ And the laugh... That's just based on the way I laugh when I have a plan that's probably stupid but will definitely be fun. I'm glad people like it, I guess? *not sure how to react***

 **mutteringsandramblings: Thank you. ^_^**

 **Lightsbane1905: Oh, I know. While there are certainly some things Jones will be able to fix, there are also quite a few that she'll screw up, or just change completely without the outcome necessarily being better or worse. It's a fine line to walk and I'm being careful.**

 _Books fluttered around me as I stood on the grass, their jewel-bright colours shining as they played. Each flap of their pages was a chiming note. The largest, gleaming gold, perched on my head. I laughed and spun, trying to join in their spiral dance. But though the books kept beckoning for me to come with them, I couldn't leave the ground. Eventually they grew bored. Even my golden friend left then; the tinkling book-song grew sad and distant. I feel to my knees, too tired to chase them any longer._

… _Beep…_

 _A cat wearing a blue jumper poured me a cup of tea. We were in my bedroom from when I was a child; soft lilac walls painted with kittens surrounded the white furniture. But that was wrong- I hadn't lived in that room for almost six years. I looked at the cat to tell him this; he shook his head before I could say anything._

 _"Don't question it Dear. Just enjoy your tea. There's extra milk; it'll help you heal after all that training you've been doing."_

 _"But this… I don't live in this_ world _anymore, let alone this room. This is just a dream."_

 _"Just a dream?_ JUST _a dream?" The cat shook his head, offended. His tone made the teacups cringe. "Of course it's a dream, Love. But do you really think that makes any of it any less real? Drink your tea. You'll be waking up soon; you need the energy."_

X

I was the first one into the galley that morning- barring Sanji of course. The cook nodded when I came in. "Good morning Jo- ahem, Jones." His voice dropped two octaves as he coughed, from over-the-top flirting to his normal speech. He made a face at me. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to imagine you as Reiju. I don't even know what she'd look like now."

"If you want, I could draw you a picture."

"No thanks." Sanji shook his head. "Although I guess I'll see eventually, eh? The only reason you'd know about those shitty bastards is if they were important to your precious story."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize; not your fault."

"Sorry."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Why do you apologize so much Jones? Like I said, it's not usually your fault. And even if it was, most people I know would just roll with things most of the time. Not that a lovely lady should ever have to apologize for her actions."

"Remind me never to let you near Hancock. You'll just feed her ego. And I apologize so much because I'm Canadian; it's part of our culture, like hockey and Tim Horton's."

"You come from a strange world." Then the cook's eyes suddenly lit up pink. "Wait… Did you just say we're gonna meet Hancock? As in Boa Hancock, the most beautiful woman in the world?"

"Maybe."

His eyes completed their transformation into beating hearts. Sanji fainted; luckily the stove wasn't on and he hadn't been holding anything sharp. I figured I could just leave him there for a minute. There was plenty of time before the rest of the crew was ready for breakfast- which was why I was surprised when Johnny and Yosaku walked in.

"Morning Big Sis! You done all your stretching and things already?"

"Yeah. Woke up early this morning."

Yosaku shook his head. "I can't believe you're already up and training again after what happened the other day."

"Why not? Sanji's barely limping anymore."

"Yeah, but he's… Big Bro Sanji."

I narrowed my eyes. Yes, everything ached like Hell, but that didn't mean I would admit it or let that stop me. "Are you saying that girls can't be as tough as guys?" Because I wasn't the only one on the crew who would have a problem with that, and teaming up with Zoro and possibly Nami to teach the hunters a lesson would be slight overkill.

It was funny to watch Yosaku go stiff. Johnny elbowed his partner and whispered- although when it was that loud, it barely counted as a whisper- into his partner's ear. "Bro… I think you should say no."

"No?"

"Right answer." Sometimes I wondered if Johnny and Yosaku shared a brain, and maybe there were times when only one of them had access to it. The hunters relaxed. Then they noticed Sanji lying there on the floor.

"Um, Sis, what happened to Big Bro Sanji?"

"He's just daydreaming about the most beautiful woman in the world. I should probably wake him up soon." Despite my words, I made no move to do so. Johnny saw this as an opportunity, pulling a pen from his pocket and scrawling something across the cook's forehead. How that didn't wake Sanji up, I wasn't sure. I should probably be concerned about that- what if the chef had sustained head trauma when he fell?

Yosaku slapped Johnny upside the head as the blue hunter put his pen away. "Idiot! He's gonna know it was you."

"No he won't. I made it look like Big Bro Zoro's handwriting." Well, if that was what Zoro's writing looked like, I feared for his future if he ever tried to switch professions. Seriously, I'd seen chicken scratch that looked more like letters.

As if on cue, the swordsman marched in with a yawn. "Morning Johnny, Yosaku, Jones… Why's Swirly Brow on the ground?"

"Overloaded his brain thinking about the most beautiful woman in the world. I'm trying to decide whether we need to check him for head trauma or not." Not that I really knew what to look for, aside from bumps and bleeding. We couldn't get to Drum Kingdom soon enough.

Zoro nudged Sanji with his foot- and by nudge, I mean Zoro was kicking him, and not even all that lightly. The cook groaned and jumped to his feet. "What was that for Moss-Head? And what're you shitheads all doing in the kitchen?"

Ignoring the chef's words, the swordsman squinted at the scribbles Johnny had left behind. "Pervert?" Zoro snorted. "Well, it fits. Maybe that'll teach you to spend less time doting on Nami and more time training."

"What?!" Sanji pulled out a spoon to check his reflection. His face flushed red. "That's your handwriting, shitty Moss-Head!"

Zoro blocked the incoming kick with one still-sheathed sword. "Hey! Don't blame me; it was there when I got here!"

"Like I'd believe that!" The chef booted the swordsman out of the kitchen before taking off after him. By the time Sanji stepped out of the doors, Zoro was set to meet him with three swords in position. I shook my head as they began to brawl.

"You really shouldn't keep antagonizing those two and making them blame each other," I told Johnny and Yosaku. "They fight enough on their own."

"Maybe." Yosaku shrugged; Johnny grinned. "But if Big Bro Zoro gets tired out fighting Big Bro Sanji, he'll go easier on us sparring later. Otherwise he tries to put us through something like you and Ghin do."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"YES! Big Bro Zoro doesn't know what normal people can and can't do! When he tries to work with us like Ghin works with you, he ends up beating us through the floor!" Huh. Sounded like my jab at Zoro's teaching skills had actually hit a nerve.

X

"Tag! Jones is it!"

"Not for long!" I didn't bother going after my captain, lunging instead for Usopp. Luffy had more or less ordered me to switch my cardio training from running laps to playing with him and I had to admit, I was having fun.

My ankle and wrist weights pulled just enough to be useful without throwing my balance off too badly when I vaulted or climbed- although doing the big wall-ups was much harder than before. Perfect. They also made me too slow to have any realistic hope of catching either of my playmates- I barely would've had one without the weights. A sprinter I was not. Johnny and Yosaku had been playing with us earlier and were easier to tag. They'd been distracted though; Johnny'd had something called an "idea cake" and they'd run off to try something.

"What's that?" Usopp halted suddenly, causing me to run into him. We both went down. The sniper was up seconds later, peering over the rail. "Is that-? There's a flock of birds to starboard."

"And that means you have to stop like that?" I rubbed my back as I got up. My bruised everything screamed in protest at the unexpected abuse.

"Heh. Sorry. Wonder what they're after? Fish? Small boat?" Usopp fiddled with his goggles.

Sanji huffed from the rail. "Probably fish; birds follow 'em all the time looking for an easy meal. Bet we could catch something fresh for lunch."

"Alright!" Luffy bounced in place. "Gum-Gum Grab!" The captain stretched his arm out towards whatever was in the water. Nami sighed and shook her head at his antics.

"For someone who spends all his time playing and fishing, you don't actually know how to fish, do you?"

Luffy's only response was a broad grin. The usual rubbery snap sounded as his hand came back our way, holding something fairly large. Usopp and Sanji got a good look at it first as it soared closer to the ship. Sanji's foot crashed into the back of Luffy's head. "That's not a fish, dumbass! It's a little kid!"

"Ow!" Luffy let go of his flying burden, hand snapping down to rub the back of his head. A shadow flew across the deck as the captain pouted, followed by a small splash. Usopp jumped and ran to the rail.

"Little girl overboard!"

"On it!" I had my weights off and was over the side in seconds. About halfway to the water I remembered that as of a few days ago, I could no longer swim. Oops.

On the plus side, I splashed in near the girl. Her yellow dress was easy to see in the dark water. Unfortunately, my graceless cannonball was no help whatsoever. We sank together. The girl's struggles were as ineffective as my own- she was a Devil Fruit user too.

Water burned my lungs, an uncomfortably familiar feeling. Blackness nibbled at the edges of my vision. Then warmth encircled me, a large body. Seconds later I was dragged to the surface, safe in Zoro's arms. Ghin and the little girl popped up beside us. Above us, Usopp lowered a ladder.

When everyone was safe on deck- and in the case of me and the little girl, coughing up bucket loads of water- Sanji and Luffy stared at us. Both looked worried- especially Luffy. He probably thought I'd been going back on my promise or something. Sanji snuffed out his cigarette and stomped off towards the galley while Luffy bounced over to poke at my face. "Jones… I thought you could swim."

"I _could_."

Ghin smirked. "So you ate it then? How'd it taste?"

"Let's just say that Zoro's socks would be appetizing in comparison."

The swordsman huffed and nudged me with his boot, hard enough that I rolled across the deck. "See if I ever pull your sorry ass out again."

Luffy still looked confused; Ghin explained. "Jones saw a Devil Fruit she liked the look of in a shop in Loguetown. I told Johnny and Yosaku about it, and they went and got it for her. Something was said about bribing her into being their prank bitch forever."

"Cool! What can you do?" Luffy poked me. I shook my head.

"As soon as I figure out how to use it, I'll let you know. More importantly," I turned to the girl who I'd jumped in to try and help. "You okay?"

She groaned and rubbed her head. "Yeah, Puppy-man got me out in time. You shouldn't be so careless though; forgetting about your fruit like that could've drowned us _both_."

"Sorry. I only got it recently…"

Nami came over and knelt beside the girl. She shot the rest of us a scathing look as she did so. "Hi there. I'm Nami. The idiot in the straw hat is Luffy; the others are Zoro, Ghin, Usopp, and Jones. Sanji should be coming soon with a towel and something warm for you to drink; I don't know where Johnny and Yosaku ran off to."

"Hi! I'm Apis!"

"That's a nice name. Can you tell us how you got in the water Apis? Were you shipwrecked?"

The little yellow girl curled up into a ball. "I- you're not marines, are you?"

We all looked up at our flag, the grinning skull that flapped proudly in the wind. Apis jumped as she followed our gaze. "What?! Pirates?!" Her braid went stiff, standing out horizontally behind her head. I added that to my list of things to ask Chopper about when I met the little doctor.

"Aw! But we're not like normal pirates." Nami's coaxing was met with no noticeable success. Then Sanji appeared, bearing a fluffy blue towel in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other.

"Hello little one. The shithead with the face of a bulldog didn't hurt you getting you out, did he?"

Growling, Ghin slapped Sanji upside the head. The cook responded with a kick that was blocked by spinning tonfa. Apis was frozen, aside from fiddling with the claw-shaped pendant of hernecklace. Luffy poked her; no reaction. "Guys… I think she's broken."

Zoro shook his head. "Most people are scared of pirates. So… What do we do with her?"

Luffy shrugged. "I dunno."

In the end, we decided to keep her in the cargo hold until she calmed down. Not that this was likely the best decision, but… It was like me when I joined the crew. Apis didn't trust us. We took the mug of hot chocolate down with her, and Sanji brought her some stew at dinnertime. When I went down to go to my own bed, I saw the girl curled up at the other end of the hold, sitting on the towel, a spare blanket pulled over her head. She hadn't eaten any of her food. I… I felt like I should've done something to comfort her, but I wasn't sure what, so I just curled up on my makeshift bed and went to sleep. It was uncomfortable, having a stranger down there with me, but I was too tired and sore to care. Plus I was confident in my ability to defend myself from a child, and Apis was so scared of pirates I doubted she'd come anywhere near me.

X

I was awakened in the middle of the night by tiny footsteps. Apis was sneaking up on deck. Following her led to the galley; I stopped her as she opened the door. "It's safer to just wake Sanji up and ask him; there's traps in there to keep Luffy from stealing from the fridge."

"Wah!" Apis' yell was followed by a loud twang. That scared her even more, enough that she jumped and crouched behind me on reflex. Inside the galley, a collection of wire snares had wrapped around Luffy, suspending him from the ceiling. Huh. Funny, I thought in the anime it was a giant mousetrap. Maybe this was what Johnny and Yosaku had been building earlier.

The hatch leading to the men's cabin opened; Sanji shook his head as he emerged onto the deck. "Oi! Rubber shithead! Ask first dammit; if you're really that hungry, I'll make you something!" Then the cook saw Apis and I and blinked. "Jones… Apis… Sorry, thought it was the shitty captain. What're you two doing up?"

"You're not _all_ wrong." I jerked my thumb towards the galley. "Luffy's in there, caught in some wire net thing. Have Johnny and Yosaku been building traps for you?"

"Yeah. Reparations for all the shit they pull. I know it's them; just don't feel like calling them out on it without actual evidence." Sanji smiled and leaned down towards Apis. "So… What can I do for you ladies?"

"Apis is hungry cause she didn't actually eat her stew. I wouldn't mind a snack either, and Luffy probably wants some too."

"He always does." Sanji rolled his eyes. "Come on in and get the shithead down; I'll make something."

The wires holding Luffy were tight and fine; I cut my fingers a little trying to undo them. How the captain was able to hang there and not bleed with them digging into his skin was beyond me; maybe rubber was harder to cut than regular flesh? Apis sat on one of the benches and watched as I freed the rubber boy from the trap. She seemed to be fighting not to smile.

It was a fight she lost when the rest of the crew walked in. Nami shook her head. "You'll be tired in the morning. Did you think we were gonna poison you or something? I already told you- whatever you think normal pirates are like, that's not us. We would never do something like that. Especially not Sanji."

"So- so you're not gonna sell me or anything?"

Usopp shook his head. "Of course not!"

Apis relaxed a little, enough to eat a few spoonfuls of stew. Her eyes lit up. "This is amazing! I've never had anything so yummy."

Luffy beamed. "Of course! Sanji's food is amazing- that's why we picked him."

Zoro huffed. "It's not _that_ good, but when the main other option is Jones and her ginger obsession…"

"Shut it, Moss-for-Brains!" Sanji slammed a kick into the swordsman's side. Zoro growled and drew one of his swords to retaliate. Ghin sighed and shoved both of them out onto the deck before the brawl could grow large enough to endanger Apis. The little girl giggled; Nami smiled.

"See? We're not scary at all."

"No, I guess not." Apis grinned back. "Thank you for rescuing me, and giving me food. Is there anything I can do to help out? Make breakfast tomorrow?"

I paled, remembering what happened in the anime. Before I could say anything though, Sanji beat me to it. "Sorry, but unless it's an emergency, nobody but me cooks on this ship. Otherwise we'd have to let Jones do it too, and the captain says that's a no go."

Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, and Nami all nodded feverishly. For once I didn't comment. High tolerance for spicy food or not, I had no intention of eating the ashy, indistinct messes that I'd seen on the show. Apis wilted.

"Oh. Okay."

"Ah, don't worry about it." Luffy patted her on the back. "It's fine."

"So… Why were you floating out in the middle of nowhere anyway?" Nami asked. "We're not exactly close to any islands right now. And you asked us if we were marines when we picked you up…"

"Oh, yeah." Apis looked down, fiddling with the tassels on her sash. "I… Some marines had me as a prisoner- I escaped a few days ago during a big storm. Now I'm lost…"

"Aw! That's so sad Li'l Sis!" Johnny and Yosaku rubbed tears from the corners of their eyes. "Those marines are assholes!"

"Yeah, but they must have a reason. Not always a good one, but still…" I winced at Zoro's words. He had no idea…

Apis bit her lip. "Please… I'm… I can't talk about it right now."

"Like Jones," Ghin noted dryly. "It's fine as long as it's not dangerous, right captain?"

"Right!" Luffy swallowed the last of his snack and waved a spoon around like it was some sort of war banner. "Or even if it's just a little dangerous- that's fine too!"

"Thank you…" Apis stood up and bowed. "I- I can't believe a bunch of pirates would be so nice to me… I hate to ask any more, but… Would you be able to take me home?"

Luffy bounced. "Sure! Where'd you live?"

Nami retrieved a chart; Apis squinted at it, mouthing the words. She let out a triumphant squeak and pointed. "There! Warship Island!"

Thoughtful, Nami whispered to herself as she traced a line from the indicated island to what I assumed were our current coordinates. "Hmm… If we keep going at this pace, we can be there early tomorrow afternoon- or _this_ afternoon now, given how late it is. Assuming we don't get blown off course, that is. Jones, man the helm."

"Why me?" Not that I was protesting, just curious.

"You're more likely to feel storms and such coming up than the men; better able to compensate."

Luffy nodded. "Right! Because- mph!" Zoro covered the captain's mouth with his hand before Luffy could blurt out where I came from. Why it was so easy to keep the secret from Dragon, and yet the rubber boy couldn't keep his trap shut around a little girl, I would never know. Unless other me had just forgotten or something, but I doubted that.

X

We didn't set out right away, but our anchor still rose before dawn. It was smooth sailing; in truth, we didn't need a helmsman once we started in the right direction. A bright, clear day, barely a cloud in the sky. The wind was pretty strong though, so we were making good time. Right until Usopp shouted from the crow's nest.

"Ah! Marines! A whole fleet! What're they doing here?!"

"Maybe they figured out Big Bro Luffy's not a bounty hunter and came to catch him?" Johnny suggested. Yosaku hit him over the head.

"As if! His own grandpa hasn't figured it out; how would these guys?"

It didn't take long for the marine ships to draw closer. They all had the number eight printed on their sails; I couldn't remember if that was the branch that had been involved in kidnapping Apis, but it was a safe bet. Especially since Apis was shaking, terrified, crouching by Nami's tangerine saplings. I went to crouch beside her. "These are the guys you escaped from, aren't they?"

"Yeah." A bunch of seagulls landed on the rails. Their presence seemed to comfort Apis. Of course; she could talk to animals. I wasn't sure what the gulls were saying, but I was grateful to them for it.

A faint explosion cut through the air; cannonballs crashed down around us in a circle. Luckily none of them hit the _Going Merry_ , but they came uncomfortably close. The ship set to rocking from the force. Caravels really weren't the most durable vessels around.

"They're shooting at us!" Usopp yelled. Nami hit him over the head.

"Thank you captain obvious!"

Zoro and Ghin looked at Luffy. "So Don, what do we do?"

"Yeah. We gonna fight 'em?"

"Sounds good to me. Sanji? Jones?"

The cook blew smoke rings. "I'm up for it if you are- and I'll take out twice as many marines as the shitty moss ball. Apis, you should go below and wait it out."

Before I could even think of saying anything, Usopp jumped in. "Hey! Why aren't you asking me and Nami if we wanna fight? I say we should get outta here!"

"That's why I didn't ask."

Apis wasn't moving, too engrossed in staring at the gulls. Then she and Nami started shouting at the same time. "Guys, it's coming! He says it's a big one!"

"Johnny, Yosaku, Ghin, ready on the mainsail! Sanji, mizzen! Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku, secure all deck cargo! Jones, rudder full starboard! There's a big gust coming! We've gotta ride it out!"

I ran to do as I was told. Honestly though? I thought we should stand and fight. It would make things go so much faster than this wind ex machina. But at the same time, I wanted to see dragons, and there was no guarantee I'd get to see the whole flock if I did something to throw the timing off. And we probably shouldn't get into any fights with Apis on board; after what had almost happened to Akisu… Eh, we could always kick marine ass later. It's not like we wouldn't be seeing them again.

My hands were barely on the whipstaff when the gust hit, sending the _Merry_ skipping across the waves. Saying it was a big one was an understatement. No way would the marines catch us at this rate though; we were far lighter than any of their ships. Nami poked her head in to check on me in between keeping an eye on the charts and yelling at Johnny for somehow getting tied up in one of the lines. "Keep her there Jones, and brace yourself for rough water. Gusts like that can mean a thunderhead might be forming in the area- although usually there'd be more clouds."

I wasn't expecting any more storms any time soon- Dragon's schedule had been thrown off by Sabo getting his memories back, plus we seemed to be working by the anime schedule rather than the manga one. And at least being on helm meant I could keep us out of the Calm Belt. Although it turned out that I only barely managed that, and I couldn't have done it without Luffy. There's a serious problem with having your whipstaff inside where the helmsman can't see.

The wind had died down; Nami was calling directions to me from her chart table. "Jones, you need to take us fifteen degrees to port! There's a reef in the way!"

I was about to turn the ship when Luffy's voice came back from his special seat. "Hey! Why's the water on the left green?"

"Tabarnak! Nami, why didn't you tell me we were that close to the Calm Belt?" I dragged the whiptaff across; the _Going Merry_ rocked violently as she careened to starboard. Luffy yelped and wrapped his arms around the figurehead to keep himself from flying off. I slid into horse stance for more stability. "How far north do we have to go to get around the reef?"

"More than three times as far! Go south! And what do you mean- Ah! Those marines distracted me!"

"Calm Belt?" Yosaku asked. "What does that- wait. No wind?"

"No wind," I confirmed. "It'd be a pain in the ass to get out. Plus the sea kings nest there."

"Recalculating." Nami frowned at her charts for a minute. "Okay, I've got the new course. If nothing else comes up, we should get to Warship Island around dinner time."

X

As we grew closer to Warship Island, I switched off the helm in favour of Ghin- he was better at bringing the ship in to harbour. So I got a full view of the island as it came into sight, looming up out of the gathering evening fog. A towering stone barque, encrusted with trees like a blanket of emeralds. Except much, much bigger. Each sail was a sheer cliff, the masts shaped by towering spires rising from the tops.

"How…?" My voice was barely more than a breath, but Usopp still heard me.

"What's wrong Jones?"

I gestured towards the island. "How do you form an island in the shape of a ship? Erosion, volcanism… I'm no geologist, but I don't think they work like that."

"No idea. It's really cool though, isn't it?"

"Yeah…" Maybe I needed to stop questioning how everything worked and just let myself enjoy it- although the scientist in me rejected that proposal.

Apis called out directions as we got closer to the island. She led us to a secluded bay beneath towering cliffs, deep and shadowed. Once the _Going Merry_ was inside, she'd be invisible to anyone on the open sea. I stared up at the craggy stone as we sailed in; stripes of blue-grey and pink-brown twined around the occasional fleck of white quartz, reminding me of home. This was… different. Hadn't they landed by the village in the anime? Although we _were_ coming from a different direction…

"Come on!" Apis ran around excitedly as Zoro dropped the anchor. "Grandpa's probably worried; I have to go tell him I'm alright! You should come for supper!"

Well, that was the perfect way to get Luffy on board- and thus, all the rest of us with him. "Yes! Food!" The rubber boy grabbed the nearest person- who happened to be Johnny- and reached for a tree on shore with his other hand. "Gum-Gum Rocket!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Tears streamed from Johnny's eyes as he flew through the air. He and Luffy slammed into the trunk of a gnarled oak. While the rubber boy grinned and bounced back into shape, the blue bounty hunter slid to the bottom of the tree with a groan.

"Me next! Me next!" Apis hopped up and down on the _Merry_ 's rail before trying to jump to shore. Luffy grabbed her out of the air and pulled her to his chest with a loud snap. The little girl giggled; my captain followed suit.

"Shishishi! You almost fell in doing that!"

"I knew you'd catch me!" The little girl blinked up at our captain. "Hey, Luffy, did you get your power from eating a Devil Fruit too?"

"Of course! How else would it work?"

"Oh. Right."

Looking at the distance between ship and shore, Nami shook her head. "Jones… All those lists you gave us for shopping in Loguetown… You couldn't have thought to tell anyone we should invest in a landing craft?"

"Um… Sorry… I don't know most of the coastal geography with any accuracy, and the few I do know have places deep enough to bring the _Merry_ right in close to shore. I didn't know we'd _need_ a landing craft this early on." I stared out over the water. Shallow enough to keep a caravel from getting any closer, yet deep enough to drown in. Perfect. And too far for even Zoro to jump at this point in the story, let alone someone like me. Shining, blue-green water, almost Caribbean- and probably warm too. I found myself missing the ability to swim.

Nami swung her fist; I blocked before she could get my head, deflecting her arm up and to the side before snapping my own punch in towards her face. My fist stopped less than a centimeter from the navigator's nose. She stared at me; I shrugged.

"Hit me all you like; it's good training. But be warned, I punch back."

For a moment, Nami looked like she was about to scream at me, or try to hit me again. She deflated though, staring back at the shore. "Fair enough, I guess. So… We still need to get to shore."

"We could always wait for Luffy to rocket people over one by one."

"No thanks."

"Suit yourself. You could probably swim the distance; it doesn't look too bad." Shrugging, I waved at Luffy. Something in the back of my head was telling me this was a bad idea. Common sense, maybe? Did I have one of those? Nah, must be my imagination. "Captain! I can't jump that far! A little help?"

"Shishishi! Sure Jones!" A rubber hand snapped over to grab me by the back of my shirt. At least he didn't get my arm or something; he'd probably have popped it out of the socket. With a crack like a bullwhip, I was yanked to shore. Wind rushed at my face for a few brief seconds, tears stinging my eyes. Then I crashed into something heavy and squishy, with the texture and smell of a brand-new tire. Luffy.

Johnny squawked in protest. "How come you catch Big Sis, but you let me crash into a tree?"

Luffy grinned and shrugged. "I wasn't trying to whack you into a tree! Sometimes I just don't aim well is all; Ace used to yell at me for it all the time. I'm lots better than I was when I was little though!"

"Don't be so carefree about it!" Johnny whacked our rubber captain over the head. Luffy didn't react, continuing to grin and giggle.

The rest of the crew chose to swim to shore rather than play the Russian Roulette game of flying Air Gum-Gum. It took several minutes for everyone to get to beach. By then Apis was bouncing with impatience. "Come on! I wanna go tell Grandpa I'm alright!"

Nami snorted, wringing water out of her shirt and hair. "Just a second. There's something I've gotta do before we can go." Stomping over to me, the navigator snapped her staff together and brought it down towards my head. Merde. I didn't have time to reach for any of my own weapons to block; down I went, the top of my head aching. Nami's strike knocked my hat askew.

"What was that for?" I rubbed my bruised head and put my hat back the way it was. The navigator hit me again for good measure, her staff coming down to bruise my left collarbone.

"For forgetting we'd need a landing craft! You're supposed to be smart Jones!"

"Book smart! Not common sense smart! That's what high INT, low WIS _means_!" When Nami moved to hit me again, I reached over my shoulder and pulled my own staff from across my back. Wood met wood with a resounding crack.

"It's even worse when you _know_ it!" Disengaging, Nami tried to swing at me from the side, shifting into proper staff fighting rather than just an angry beating. "Can't you compensate somehow? You make lists and notes for just about everything else!"

"That's not how my head works! Geez, you sound like my mother." I continued blocking. Nami was a little better at this than me, but not that much.

Zoro stepped between us, grabbing both staves and forcing us to stop. "Enough. We get it; Jones doesn't think things through. What's new? Let's just get moving. You can beat each other to death with sticks later."

Luffy clapped and rocked back and forth. Nami reluctantly took her staff apart and backed down; I slid mine back through the loops on my back. Ghin smirked; I'm so glad my situation amused him.

Walking through the trees of Warship Island was like being home; away from the sight of the sea, the rocks and plants of the island resembled those of the Canadian Shield. I felt rejuvenated as we walked along, running my hands over every stone, every tree. Rough bark and jagged edges… Beauty. Some of these trees were ancient, towering thrice the height of the _Going Merry_ 's mast. I was tempted to run off, climbing and exploring. But my stomach growled, and I couldn't leave the crew. I walked behind Sanji as we headed for Apis' village.

"Grandpa!" The yellow-clad girl raced into the arms of a stooped, bearded old man as soon as the village came into sight. He hugged her on reflex, his stunned face leaking happy tears.

"Apis! You're back! I can't believe it- when those marines took you, I thought…"

"I got away during a storm! Then these nice pirates saved me from drowning- although they were the reason I started drowning in the first place."

Staring at my feet, I shuffled in place. "Sorry… It was an accident."

The old man chuckled, a hand on Apis shoulder as he faced our crew. "I see… Well, I'm afraid this is the first time I've heard of nice pirates, but I think if you meant any harm, you would've done something already. Thank you for returning my granddaughter to me. You can come to dinner if you like; my way of saying thanks. I was just about to go home and make something." His gaze was wary, but not in a way that suggested he thought we would attack.

Numerous people wearing the same floppy conical hats and sack-like tunics and dresses as Apis and her grandfather stared as we crossed the village. A few of them waved, smiles on their faces. "Welcome back Apis!"

"Are you alright? Your grandfather was so worried!"

"Glad to see you made it home in one piece. Who're your new friends?"

The little girl waved back, beaming. "I'm fine everybody! Sorry for worrying everyone! These are the Straw Hats; they brought me home after I escaped the stinky marines!"

A few of the townsfolk frowned. "But… why were you taken in the first place?"

"It's… I'm sorry. I can't tell." Apis put off any further questions by hugging her grandfather tightly and partially hiding her face in his tunic.

Apis' grandfather's house was small and snug- perfect for a family of two or three, but crowded when a crew of nine came to call. The little girl helped her grandfather cook as the rest of us got comfortable; I think the only thing that kept Sanji from joining them in the kitchen was that it was too small. Johnny sat on Yosaku's lap in the cramped space. When Sanji offered for Nami to do the same with him, she hit the cook with one of the segments of her staff. Rubbing a fresh bruise, Sanji turned to me.

"How about you, Jones? Or would you rather sit on _Ghin_ 's lap?"

I stared. "…Sanji? Remember who I told you to imagine whenever you felt like flirting with me?"

"Yes."

"Please also think about her whenever you picture me with other guys."

The cook paused for a moment. Then he shrugged. "Eh. Makes no difference."

"Idiot!" I scowled at the floor, pointedly ignoring the cook's existence as I found myself a corner to crouch in. Ghin chuckled.

"You're not the first to make that mistake Sanji, but I don't think Jones swings that way."

"Wha-?" Sanji stared, silent and frozen, one eyelid twitching. I could feel his brain break, a faint tinkling somewhere beyond light or sound. Really? It had never occurred to him that some girls might be attracted to other girls? Then again, this was the man who would be totally traumatized after meeting an island full of crossdressers.

Still… I scowled at Ghin from where I sat. He had no right to make assumptions like that when he didn't know the whole story- and certainly no right to be telling people about his assumptions. "Just because I flip-flop in how I identify doesn't mean I don't like guys. It's complicated!"

"Uh? Oh. Sorry Jones." He wasn't really, but he was _going to be_. I was sure I could think of something to do to Ghin that Johnny and Yosaku could get on board with.

The arrival of food interrupted both my musings of revenge and Sanji's fish-like trance. Apis grinned as she passed out bowls of delicious smelling stew; her grandfather beamed proudly behind her. "Here! Grandpa's making pork buns, but I thought you might like something while they cook- they take _forever_."

"Thank you!" The stew tasted as good as it smelled, meaty and salty with an unusual aftertaste that I couldn't quite place. Maybe the anime had been wrong about Apis' cooking skills. But while I enjoyed it and Luffy ate like, well, Luffy, the rest of the crew was having different reactions. Zoro turned almost as green as his hair and tipped most of his serving into our captain's bowl when he thought no one was looking. Usopp appeared to be in pain. Nami muttered to herself in between bites that she mustn't be rude, then eventually gave up and put her bowl down. Ghin ate as if it were a challenge that had to be overcome for the good of the crew. Johnny and Yosaku didn't even try; one bite and they followed Zoro's lead, sliding their portions in Luffy's direction. Sanji's eyes were watering. Even Apis' grandfather chewed with an air of silent suffering.

Beaming, Apis clapped her hands before digging into her own bowl. "How is it?"

"Delicious!" Luffy bounced in place as he consumed the extra that our crew mates had slid his way. He would never complain about or question the presence of more food. I nodded along with the captain's assessment, my mouth full.

Of course, right at that moment, Apis' face turned a lovely shade of magenta and she started gagging on her own cooking. "Spicy!" The little girl wilted. "I- I'm sorry everyone. I must've grabbed the wrong seasoning."

Across from me, Usopp leaned in to whisper to Sanji. "Imagine this, but with a buttload of ginger added in. That's what it's like when Jones cooks."

Those words actually made the chef edge away from me, sending me a look of terrified, disgusted awe- the sort I normally associated with people watching a giant Australian spider eating a mouse. I scowled at Usopp. Seriously, it doesn't count as a running gag or character flaw unless I did it more than once! Why did people keep harping on it?

Several minutes later, everyone was finished eating. Outside, the sky was starting to grow dark. There was no way we'd be able to find our way back to the _Going Merry_ before nightfall. That didn't bother Apis or her grandfather. The old man lit a fire, though the room didn't need it. Not with eleven bodies in such a cramped space. It was for atmosphere, I suppose.

"Now, since it will be another few hours before the pork buns are ready, let me tell you a tale of the heroes of old, from when this island was the center of a large and prosperous kingdom." Apis' grandfather had a soothing, somewhat musical voice that was emphasized when he slipped into storytelling mode. "Back before the days of even the World Government, there lived a man named Vespinae, who was in love with fair Mellifera, and it's from these two lovers that the kings of our land were descended. But long before they sired any princes, Vespinae was born as a humble farmer on the west end of the island…"

One by one, my crew mates zoned out as the story droned on. Or at least, most of them did. Apis snuck off early on- around the time Vespinae was stung by his uncle's bees or something. What? I wasn't really paying attention to the story either. It was even more boring than my statistics professor. Although… Note to self, get Apis and her grandfather's snail number so Robin could call them when she joined up. _She_ 'd probably be interested in the old stories. About hour after Apis left, Luffy stumbled sleepily out the door while muttering something about a bathroom.

When our captain had been gone for an hour himself, Nami started to fidget. Then she crawled towards the door- which, with how closely we were all crowded together, meant climbing over people's laps. Mine included. I raised an eyebrow, even though I knew what she was trying to do. "Going to check on the captain?"

"Yeah." Nami smiled. "Why? You wanna come with?"

"Sure."

We found Luffy passed out on the ground in front of the outdoor steamer where the pork buns had been cooking. Aside from the one lying on his back, all of the aforementioned buns were gone. I picked the bun up and started munching on it as Nami shook the rubber boy awake with a hiss. "Luffy! You idiot! What's everyone else supposed to eat?"

"He didn't take them," I said through a mouthful of pork as the captain leapt up to protest his innocence. Luffy beamed at me.

"Yeah! Jones knows I didn't do it!" Then he saw what I was eating. "Hey! Jones, did _you_ take all the pork buns?"

"Nope. Just this one." I pointed at a trail that had been made in the dirt by Apis dragging a huge sack. "We can find the others if we follow that though." Not that we would be able to get them back, but still.

So we followed the trail deep into the woods. It was fun, like playing around in the trails back home. My real home, not the city I'd lived in while doing my undergrad. I hadn't had a chance to do this in a while- not when all my classmates assumed I was crazy or an adrenaline junkie for jumping around on rocks. For me at least, it's nothing like that. I enjoy the freedom and flight of parkour and bouldering, yes, but not for the adrenaline rush. Don't really get one; for me, it's about control, precision- the knowledge that I can do these things because I've practiced, and the confidence that nothing _would_ go wrong, even though it _could_. I don't really know how to explain it.

Warm stone was rough and comforting under my hands as Luffy, Nami, and I followed Apis through the trees and up the craggy hills. I was rather proud of the surety with which I was accomplishing this, even as I revelled in the simple joys of climbing through a forest landscape. No, I'm not ashamed to admit I was jumping from rock to rock like some sort of excited baby deer. Nami rolled her eyes at my antics; Luffy giggled.

"Shishishi! Jones's pretty good at this! Did you grow up on a mountain too?"

"Not exactly, but close enough."

After a long climb, we came to a ravine- just a couple meters wide, but with a terrifyingly long drop. I could just see the entrance to the dragon cave through the bushes on the other side. Nami took one look at the ravine and turned to Luffy; the captain nodded and stretched himself across. "Gum-Gum Suspension Bridge!"

"You coming Jones?" It was funny, watching Nami edge across, balancing carefully on Luffy's back as he bounced up and down in the gentle wind. With the way my weights were still throwing me off, I didn't trust myself to do that. But I had another way.

"Yeah, just a second." I backed up a ways and ran at the edge of the ravine. No, there was no way I could make that jump- not in the normal sense of making it, at least. But like when I'd leapt from ship to ship when freeing Ghin, I continued moving forwards as I fell, just far enough that my hands latched onto the edge of the rock. And getting a grip with my feet to push up was much easier on rocks like this than on a vertical wall or a wet wooden hull.

Nami stared at me. "What was- you could've died!"

"I could've," I agreed, "But I didn't and I won't. If I knew I couldn't get the edge, I wouldn't have done it." Why did no one ever seem to understand that? The first thing we- no, the second thing we learned in parkour was how to judge distance. The first was how to land properly.

Shaking her head, the navigator sighed. "I thought it would be nice to have another girl around, but no, you're just one of the guys, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

Luffy bounded ahead, running for the cave. "Come on guys! We've gotta be almost there! I smell ADVENTURE!"

Nami and I ran after him. Our feet echoed against stone- the slap of Luffy's sandals, the sharp click of Nami's heels, and the heavier yet softer thud from my sneakers. But as we moved deeper into the mountain, another sound overrode our footsteps: a low rumbling, like an enormous cat purring somewhere beneath our feet.

Eventually, the already enormous corridor widened out into an absolutely gargantuan cavern. I swear it took up half the mountain. Stalactites thicker than my waist hung down from the ceiling like jagged fangs; stalagmites rising from the floor towered over my head. The air was damp; a few openings somewhere above let in tiny shafts of light. At one side of the chamber Apis was crouched, partially hidden behind a boulder. She was speaking in a low voice.

"I missed you too Grandpa Ryu. Here; I knew you'd be hungry, so I brought pork buns." Her words were punctuated by wet gobbling noises. Beside me, Luffy's face fell.

"What're you doing up here Apis?" Nami asked as we approached the boulder. The little girl jumped and spun to face us.

"Ah! Stay back!"

It was too late; we were too close. Luffy and Nami froze as what at first looked like a cracked ridge of rock shifted, green and brown scales scraping across dark stone. A watery eye opened. Then a growl rumbled from within that great chest. As for me… Well, no amount of having expected this could hold back my natural reaction. I'd been reading stories about dragons since I was five years old; for me, this was the stuff of dreams.

"So beautiful…" I reached out to touch, but pulled back at the last minute. Best not to antagonize something with teeth as long as my sais; he might not like being touched.

Luffy bounded in close and began examining every scale, his eyes turning to stars. "Wow! I always knew you were real- Ace said not, but he's a lying liar who lies! Where'd you come from? How'd you get here?"

The great dragon raised his head to look at us. Then he bent back to Apis, shaking his ragged white mane and crooning. Apis patted him on the nose. She giggled. "Grandpa Ryu likes you guys. He says Luffy smells like adventure, Nami smells like fruit, and Jones smells like cats. And you can be his friends; he says he knows you're good people, so it's okay."

"Really? Still?" It'd been so long since I'd seen them, and I wasn't even wearing the clothes from my old world. "I have- had- two cats, but I haven't seen them in almost a month."

And that's when I felt something crack inside. Aside from my first night here, I'd been riding the same high as during the first year of my undergrad- there was anxiety, yes, and the need to work hard, but it was also fun and adventure, something new. Above all, something in the back of my mind had been quietly confident that I could go home if I wanted, that it would be as simple as calling my dad on Samsung and having him come pick me up. But… it hit me that I might never see Earth again. I shuddered, biting my lip to hold back tears.

"I- I have to go. Sorry." Spinning on my heel, I took off out of the cave. Behind me, I could hear the echoing confusion of Luffy's voice.

"Jones! Where're you going? Jones!"

Even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't have answered that question. I just needed to be alone; couldn't let Nami and my captain see me cry. The air growing warmer told me when I was outside. I turned and clambered over rocks, heading up instead of back down towards the village. Rough stone, so much like home… A home I would never see again. When I neared the top of the mountain, I found a hollow between a pair of pine trees and curled up into a ball. The tears came thick and fast once I knew I was alone.

To _never_ see my family or friends again… True, I didn't have many friends and I was terrified of my mother, but still. She didn't mean to scare me, didn't mean to say things that hurt- and she was my _mother_. Not to mention how much I'd miss my _father_ \- we did almost everything together, had since I was fourteen! And my little brother and sister… My friends… What would they think? Most of them lived so far away now… They wouldn't even know about my disappearance- just stop hearing from me. And I'd never hear from them again either. Never go to the comic book store with them again, never play another Friday night game of _Dungeons and Dragons_. I- I _really_ needed a hug- except none of the few people I trusted enough to hug were _here_.

Stupid writer… I bet you thought being sent into the world of your favourite anime would be a fun adventure. It is, I guess… But moments like this… Remember last year, when Rusty was sick and we thought we'd have to put him down? That day when we locked ourselves in the bathroom with him because we didn't want him disappearing and expiring alone and in pain? When we tried to call everyone we knew, but no one picked up their phones; when we didn't know what to do and just cried until our eyes and throat burned and we were almost sick? That's what it feels like right now. For the love of all the gods, _why_ would you do this to me? Couldn't you at least keep me blissfully ignorant, instead of reminding me of this at a random time?

In moments I was hiccoughing and choking, my chest and throat aching with the effort to keep quiet. I didn't want to; I wanted to let it out, to keen like a wounded animal, to thrash and claw at the dirt and stone. But I couldn't let anyone know I was in pain. The Straw Hats… They were the closest I had to family or friends in this world. I didn't want them to think less of me- or worse, kick me out for being weak.

Deep breaths. I needed to get over this, otherwise I'd miss the adventure. Move forward; always think about what's next, not what I'd already done. That was how I'd pushed through everything in the past- or rather, how I pushed everything aside until it was so long past that it ceased to matter. Same thing really. I rubbed my eyes on the back of my left hand as I uncurled.

By the time I'd climbed back down to where the cave was, Nami, Luffy and Apis were waiting at the mouth. So, to my surprise, was Grandpa Ryu; his enormous head poked out of the cliff. The dragon rumbled as I came into view over the rocks. That alerted Apis to the direction I was coming from; she nudged Luffy, who turned to me with a look of concern.

"Jones! Why'd you run off? Your eyes look funny; did you hurt them?" My captain had a few tooth marks on his shoulder from being used as a senile dragon's chew toy.

"No Captain, I'm fine." I rubbed my forehead. An ache was spreading across it, wrapping from the front of my skull around my temples. "Just… Remembered something I had to deal with."

Luffy pouted at me. "Jones… You're doing that thing where you lie without lying again. Stop it."

"Sorry. But I'll be fine; I promise. Don't worry about me." I looked up at the shaggy head of Grandpa Ryu. "Worry about these guys. I'm guessing the dragon's why Apis got taken by the marines?"

The little girl nodded, hugging one of the dragon's tree stump legs. I started to pace, hands tucked behind my back; movement always helped me keep calm. "The marines know which island you came from, so they'll be back at some point to take you again. They might find Ryu; they might not. Is there anywhere else you and Grandpa Ryu can hide?"

Apis shook her head. "No… But don't have to keep him hidden much longer! Grandpa Ryu, he's here cause he wants to go to the Lost Island. He thinks it should be reappearing any day now. Grandpa Ryu just wants to see his family again- Luffy already told me you guys can help us."

Ryu grumbled in what sounded like agreement. I looked up to meet his eyes; they were filmed over with cataracts and age. He must be almost blind. On impulse, I bowed to the ancient dragon. "Grandpa Ryu… Is it alright if I touch you?"

A nod. The great dragon lowered his head; I scratched along his eyebrow ridges. Those milky eyes drooped closed. Beaming, Luffy bounced closer to join me. The result was both comic and frightening; Ryu reopened one eye and snorted, blowing Luffy's hat off. Apis giggled.

"Grandpa Ryu says you have to ask first. Also that he likes girls better than boys; our fingers are better for scritches."

Luffy pouted; I looked over at him as I continued to rub the dragon's head. Nami sighed. "So Captain, what's the plan?"

"I… um… I don't know." Luffy's face turned red as he tried to think. It was both adorable and aggravating. Seriously, how was it possible that thinking could cause him physical pain? "Um… Saa, thinking's hard. That's what you guys're for. You can come up with something, right? Nami can find the nesting place, and Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku can get Grandpa Ryu down. Or- wait! He's a dragon; can't he fly?"

"He's too old!" Apis threw a rock at my captain's head. "He doesn't have the energy… If Grandpa Ryu _could_ fly, he wouldn't need to hide in a cave here, would he?!"

"Ah! Sorry, sorry…"

After a few more minutes, Luffy, Nami, and Apis prepared to head back down to the village. I- I didn't want to go. I couldn't be around the crew like this, my eyes still red. Someone, Zoro or Ghin- they'd push more than the captain, make me tell. I took a deep breath, addressing everyone present. "Is it alright if I stay here tonight? With Grandpa Ryu?"

"What?" Apis cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Why'd you wanna sleep in a cave? It's lonely and it smells like dirt; even Grandpa Ryu complains sometimes, and dragons are _used_ to sleeping in caves."

Luffy shook his head. "It's fine if Ryu says it's okay. Jones is weird; she sleeps in the cargo hold instead of the girls' room."

I looked at Ryu; he rumbled and rolled his head to one side, exposing his chin for scratching. Apis shrugged. "He says it's more than alright; he likes the company."

So while the others went back down to the village, I walked with the dragon into his lair. Ryu curled up like a cat, circling to make himself comfortable. Then he lifted one wing. I laid down against the scaly flank beneath- which was much softer and warmer than it looked. Almost fluffy. Ryu's scales weren't like a snake's or lizard's- more like primitive feathers. I curled up on my side as the dragon lowered his wing. Before I drifted off, I mumbled into those fuzzy spines.

"If I have a nightmare, or start crying or something during the night… Don't tell Apis." I fell asleep moments later, head cushioned on a flank that shook with draconic laughter.

X

The rest of the crew ran into the cavern at the crack of dawn the next morning. I was barely awake; it took me a moment to remember that the marines were probably coming to reclaim Apis. I yawned and crawled out from under Ryu's wing as everyone froze in their tracks.

"Gah! Don't eat me!" Usopp's reaction upon meeting a dragon for the first time was- somewhat predictably- to flinch away. Johnny and Yosaku looked a little pale too, but at least they bit their lips and stood silent on either side of Zoro.

Apis shot the sniper a confused look. "Millennial dragons don't eat people; they like seafood. No eels though- Grandpa Ryu says they're too slimy, and they taste weird. Although… Granpa Ryu's a little old and his eyesight's going. If he starts acting like you're food, just… Get away quick, 'kay?"

Zoro looked up at the ancient dragon, frowning. "I didn't think dragons could actually exist."

Grandpa Ryu's response to this was to snort a great wad of dark green dragon boogers at the swordsman. It looked like an innocent sneeze, but from the way Apis was giggling, it was fully intentional. Zoro stared at the slime covering him in disgust; Sanji started laughing. This led to Zoro drawing _Yubashiri_ and chasing the cook around with it, which resulted in a brawl, the ultimate winner of which…

"Will you two shut up! We're trying to figure out how to get a three-tonne flying lizard who can't fly down to the beach!" Was Nami. She punched both men in the back of the heads, then wiped the dragon snot she acquired by touching Zoro on the back of Sanji's jacket. "This dragon is the reason the marines are after Apis; we need to get him to his home. Jones, Usopp, any ideas?"

Trembling, Usopp waved his arms as he responded. "Are you nuts? Those marines saw our flag before- they know we're pirates! It'll be hard enough to escape the blockade ourselves! This won't be like the others Jones and Zoro've talked us out of!"

"But I said we'll help," Luffy pointed out. "So we have to."

Ghin sped the situation along by hitting Usopp over the head. "They saw us before, but they can't see our ship right _now_. We're in that little fjord, remember?" This worked surprisingly well to calm the gunner down; maybe a form of temporary lobotomy, knocking out part of Usopp's brain?

"Oh yeah…" The sniper was still shaking, but he took a deep breath and rubbed his chin. "We could… build some sort of cart for Grandpa Ryu and roll him down the mountain?"

"No good." I shook my head. "The island's too steep and weird shaped; we'd lose control faster than you could say Quidditch."

Yosaku raised a hand. "What's Quidditch?"

"Never mind, it's not important right now. Apis, is there a river that flows down the mountain without any waterfalls or major rapids?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It's the one everyone in the village gets water from."

"How wide is it? How deep?"

"Um… about half as wide as Grandpa Ryu's wings, and it's really shallow. Only about as deep as I am tall; you can't bring your ship up it." The little girl looked confused as she fiddled with her necklace.

"No, no, no, we're not bringing the ship up. We're taking Ryu down. Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku, do you three know how to build a canoe? Or a coracle; either will do, but a canoe is easier to steer."

Usopp shook his head, but Johnny and Yosaku nodded. "Of course Big Sis Jones! Where we grew up, making your own coracle was how _everyone_ went fishing. We didn't get a proper dory til after we'd teamed up to hunt bounties together."

Johnny split off. "I'll go get some saplings for the frame! It only has to be used once, right? So it doesn't matter if I can't find the best wood?"

I nodded; the blue hunter took off. Yosaku shook his head. "We don't have anything for the cover though. Normally I'd use ox hide; it wouldn't even need to be tanned for a single use boat like this. But there's no oxen or anything on this island."

"It doesn't have to be perfect; just enough to get Ryu down to the sea. We can build a proper raft of logs down on the coast." I began gathering large leaves, each the size of a pizza tray. They belonged to one of the _One Piece_ species that didn't come from Earth. Yosaku shrugged and helped me pluck the leaves. Usopp and Zoro ran down the mountain to get to work on the main raft and keep an eye on our ship.

The coracle was finished within a couple of hours. It was an ugly thing- a lumpy, uneven frame covered with layered patches of leaves and a little bit of bark. One of the sapling ribs was cracked; Johnny had rushed while bending them into shape, not steaming things properly. The coracle was large enough for a dragon though, and it floated when placed in the river. Ryu was hesitant stepping in, but the awkward boat held his weight without breaking. For how long, no one could tell. Johnny and Yosaku grabbed the coracle from either side and guided it, walking down along the banks of the river.

A seagull landed on Sanji's shoulder and squawked. Apis jumped. "Oh no! The marines are almost here!"

Nami patted the girl on the shoulder. "It'll be okay. We've got Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin; the marines don't stand a chance."

Johnny, Yosaku, and I glared in unison. "And what are we, chopped liver?"

"No. But you have to admit, you three are second-tier fighters." Well, Nami wasn't _wrong._ It just stung was all.

And then we saw them- a dozen marines, including their captain, accompanied by a fugly man in a grey suit. His lilac hair was teased up so it looked like a Dairy Queen cone and his narrow sunglasses gleamed in the dawn light. More to the point, they saw _us_. And the mercenary- Eric, that was his name- smirked. Although… The marines didn't share his confidence. As soon as Grandpa Ryu raised his shaggy head, several of the men froze in terror.

"What's that? Some kind of monster?"

Eric shook his head. "Imbeciles. I must say… I expected the little girl to lead us to some draconite, not a living, breathing dragon. But it works either way. Get her."

The marines ran towards us. Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin stepped forward to meet them; the result couldn't really be called a fight. Neither captain nor cook bothered with one of their named techniques, and Ghin left his tonfa at the small of his back. Even so, the marines were all down in seconds. Eric looked at them and sneered.

"Really? You call yourselves soldiers? Pathetic." He stalked towards us, hands in his pockets. When one of the marines tried to get up and run away- likely in search of medical attention for his bloody nose and broken arm- Eric lashed out with what looked like a swift slap. The marine fell with a yelp, bleeding from a gash in his thigh.

Luffy frowned. "Does he have a knife? I don't see anything."

"Name's Eric the Whirlwind," I provided, "And that was done with his fingernails. He has a Devil Fruit that means his nails are so sharp, they cut air itself. Scythe-Scythe Fruit, or something like that."

"Oh."

"It's the Sickle-Sickle Fruit, actually. Move aside, whoever you are; I have no business with you. That dragon, on the other hand…" Eric paused, one hand still in his pocket. He probably thought he looked intimidating or something, but really… That pose was kinda dumb.

"Hmm… No." Luffy grinned. "We promised we'd take Ryu home, so that's what we're gonna do. Let's go guys! As fast as we can!"

"Aye-aye captain!" Johnny and Yosaku started running, pulling the crude coracle along the river with surprising speed. Sanji, Nami, Ghin, and I fell in on either side. Eric smirked and changed into some sort of fighting stance as we gained momentum.

"You kids won't escape that easily. Sickle-Sickle Whirlwhind!"

"Gum-Gum Pistol!" There was a tiny splash of blood as the two attacks met; the sharp winds tore Luffy's knuckles and sent his punch off course. Even so, with that much rubber whipping through the air, Eric was forced to leap up and dodge. By the time he'd repositioned himself for another attack, Luffy had grabbed Apis and followed the rest of us as we raced away along the river.

Usopp had finished a decent raft by the time we got down to the _Merry_ , and was in the process of tying his creation to the stern of our ship. Just in time too; the crude coracle broke apart on a rock near the mouth of the river. Grandpa Ryu was much less hesitant of stepping onto the sturdy logs than he had been of climbing into Johnny and Yosaku's creation; of course, he also gnawed on the end of one of the logs like the senile lizard he was, so there's that. Our crew climbed aboard the _Going Merry_ and cast off, in a hurry to be out of this narrow, contained space before the marines found us.

"Okay," Nami opened her charts and traced our route from the day before. "I'm pretty sure that the reef we passed yesterday is the Lost Island we're looking for. Set course south-south-east."

"Aye-aye!" Everyone got to work. I swore I heard singing as the wind danced over tight lines. Adjusting the mainsail, I patted the wonderful little ram-headed ship on the rails. I had some plans that might save Ace; now I just needed to find one for _Merry_.

Hours passed on calm seas. Apis danced out of the galley carrying a steaming pot that was almost as big as she was. "Hey everyone! You've been working so hard- I hope you're hungry!"

Zoro scowled; Usopp turned green. Yosaku's eyes went wide, and though I couldn't see past his sunglasses, I assume Johnny's did too. The hunters practically tripped over each other in their haste to be elsewhere. "We're… uh… We've gotta go to the head!"

Sanji shook his head as he emerged from the galley, but said nothing. Usopp sighed with visible relief. And then Luffy, always hungry and eager, reached to grab the pot from little Apis. "Yay! Food!"

The captain's excitement didn't last long though. He snatched his hands back almost immediately, blowing on singed fingers. The smell of burnt rubber filled the air. Unfortunately, by that point he was already the one supporting most of the pot's weight. With his rapid withdrawal, the pot flew into the air and off the stern of the ship, spilling hot rice all over Grandpa Ryu. Apis shrieked in alarm and slid down a rope to the dragon's raft to brush him clean and make sure he was alright.

Sanji kicked Luffy in the head. "Don't waste food, idiot!"

"Shishishi! Sorry Sanji!"

Suddenly, Apis started bouncing in place. "We need to go further east! Grandpa Ryu just remembered!"

Nami checked her charts. "That puts us way north of the reef! There's nothing there! Are you sure he's really remembering this right?"

"Yes!"

"Alright… Usopp! Man the helm- we need to turn eighty degrees to port!"

"Aye-aye Nami!"

I kept a sharp eye out as we sailed. Three marine ships were far astern, too distant to catch us, but close enough that they might have spotted us. And there was Eric to worry about… I yelled out for the whole crew to hear. "EVERYONE! IF YOU SEE THAT UGLY GUY WITH THE SHARP FINGERNAILS, LURE HIM TO LUFFY OR ZORO! THEY CAN BEAT HIM EASY, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW ANYONE ELSE WILL DO!"

I was so concerned about Eric, I almost forgot about the fact that Grandpa Ryu's directions were leading us on a wild goose chase. By the time I remembered, Luffy was already waving excitedly at a smoky mirage. It was much more faded than it had appeared in the anime, but still… I was pretty sure a regular mirage wasn't quite that detailed and realistic. Fascinating. And then I remembered what was on the other side.

"Nami! We're running face-first into a storm!" By the time I got the words out, the _Going Merry_ was already halfway through her ghostly reflection. Our navigator looked up and sniffed the air, almost like an animal. Then she paled.

"Jones is right! Johnny, Yosaku, tie down the sails! Zoro, Ghin, secure Grandpa Ryu's raft!"

KRACK-A-THOOM!

Thunder punctuated Nami's orders. We were all the way through the mirage now, able to see the pelting rain. And boy, was it coming down. Luffy giggled as lightning struck him harmlessly, but for the rest of us it was too close for comfort. Within seconds, my glasses were covered in droplets and running water. I couldn't see a thing. So while the rest of the crew was running around trying to get the _Merry_ to the light at the eye of the storm, I braced myself by the galley and held on to Apis. The little girl wasn't happy about this arrangement.

"Let me go! I have to be with Grandpa Ryu!"

"He'll be fine. Zoro and Ghin can hold the raft better than you ever could." I picked the little girl up so she had no leverage to use against me. Not that I thought she could overpower me- different world or not, she was just a child- but I wasn't taking any chances. "I can't see and you're too small to help, so it's best if we stay here out of the way. Be grateful I'm not making you go inside til this is over."

The eye of the storm was close; within moments, we were out of the rain and approaching a small island. I put Apis down so I could dry my glasses. Bouncing, Luffy raced to the bow of the ship. "That island looks like a castle!"

"A sunken one," Zoro agreed. Usopp rubbed his nose.

"I bet it was an ancient fortress, built by the dragons themselves during the heyday of their em- eek!" The sniper cut himself off with a squeak at a scowl from Ghin. Johnny and Yosaku shook their heads.

"Nah, that's definitely human," the green hunter sighed. "Looks like the same type of ruins Johnny and I ran into the one time, the ones with all the traps."

Johnny winced and rubbed his facial tattoo. "Yeah… Watch out dudes. Some of the statues and doors and stuff won't just be statues and doors. But it'll be easier to spot than a lot of the stuff on Clockwork Island was."

We dropped anchor at what looked like it had once been a port. Then Usopp looked from me to Grandpa Ryu to the sloping streets above us. "Jones… I'm starting to wish we didn't listen to you now. A cart would've been pretty useful."

I winced. Okay, so I'd screwed up. Well, it didn't really matter. "Maybe… If this was the real Lost Island."

" _ **WHAT?**_ " Seven fists and a foot all came at my head; I couldn't dodge them all, so I got pasted into the ground. I was still conscious though, which was… Odd. After being hit by the entire crew, I should've been out for the count, if not worse. There probably should've been some damage to the stonework I was standing on too, but I saw nothing.

Deciding to leave that mystery for later, I sat up and rubbed my aching head. "We still need to go up to the ruin on the top- there's some important stuff there, I think. But Grandpa Ryu doesn't need to come with us, so he's fine if we just leave a guard."

"You still should've told us earlier," Nami snarled, grabbing me by my bandanna and dragging me to my feet. I cringed.

"Sorry! I forgot until I saw it- I don't have the best memory for filler arcs!"

Everyone stared at me, not knowing what a filler arc meant. And then my brain caught up to my mouth. Because… This wasn't really a filler arc, was it? Not for everyone, at least. Yes, we Straw Hats might move on and never have this affect any other part of our journey, but for Apis and Grandpa Ryu, it would be life changing. I deflated, collapsing in on myself. How had I forgotten? These weren't just cartoons anymore- these were people's _lives_. I saw proof every day, and yet my head was still so confused.

"Sorry…"

Nami let me go. "Apology accepted- this time. Don't let it happen again."

Then everyone turned to Luffy. The captain smiled and bounced in place. "Let's go! I wanna look around! Sanji, Zoro, and Ghin should be enough to guard Ryu and the _Merry_ , right?"

I nodded. Those three should be plenty to guard _anything_ , especially at this point in the game. But hey, there was no kill like overkill. So Luffy, Nami, Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku, and I accompanied Apis towards the island's summit.

Steeply sloping roads built of packed earth wound between rows of fallen stone houses. There was something familiar about the artwork carved into every surface, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Something Central American, maybe? Although the buildings themselves were more Greek or Roman, with all their pillars and white stone. Regardless, this place must've been beautiful when it was whole. I cursed myself for not having picked up a visual den-den while in Loguetown; Samsung couldn't take pictures, but I _really_ wanted to show this to Robin.

Apis paused in a field halfway up the island. When we stopped to wait for her, she smiled and held up an old spinning top she'd found in the grass amongst the ruins. It had a dragon carved into its flat face. "Do you think- do you think the children here used to play with dragons too? Like me and Grandpa Ryu?"

"Of course." I smiled wistfully, lost in my own childhood fantasies. What I would have given for a dragon friend growing up… I shook my head. "And I bet the dragons miss their people too, if this place was so important that Grandpa Ryu thought it was the Lost Island."

"Yeah! I bet you're right!"

The building at the top was different again, a rounded dome that resembled ancient Persian architecture- except that the dragons painted on its walls looked like something from a Scandinavian myth. Nami looked at the closed structure and sighed in exasperation. " _Of course_ there's no entrance… Johnny, Yosaku, do you know as much about finding secret doors as you do about booby traps?"

"Sure thing Big Sis!" The hunters looked at the dome, eager to get to work, and immediately deflated. "Um… It's right there. There's just no handle. Probably a secret key or something."

Yosaku wandered over to the door and poked at the claw-shaped slot. "Looks like something's supposed to fit in here."

Apis looked at where he was pointing, then down at her claw pendant. Taking the necklace off, she stretched up and tried to fit it into the slot… Only to miss by about half a foot. Her eyes began to water. "I'm too short…"

"Ah, it's okay. Here." Luffy moved forwards to help her put it in. Before he could, I felt something shift under my feet. I smiled.

"Speak friend and enter."

"What?" Everyone stopped and looked at me. My smile grew into a grin.

"Friend!" Right on cue, the stones beneath our feet collapsed. I grabbed at roots on the way down to slow my fall, as did Johnny and Yosaku beside me. Nami, Usopp, and Apis all landed on Luffy at the bottom.

The sniper rubbed his backside; I guess even our rubber captain can only break a fall so much. "Ow… Jones, did you know that was gonna happen?"

"Maybe…"

"In that case… I hate you so much right now."

"Sorry…"

"Guys, shush." Nami waved a hand at Usopp and I. She was too distracted to punish us- or rather, me- though. Our navigator's focus was fixed on the ceiling high above, painted with colourful, intricate patterns. People… Waves… Dancing dragons… A map of the nearby seas…

"So… These are Apis' ancestors?" Yosaku asked, staring up at the people. I nodded. He scowled at me. "Then where's this Lost Island place?"

I gestured towards the map painted on the ceiling, where a stylized dragon was painted across the base of Warship Island. "Right where Nami thought it was- the reef near the island."

" _ **WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE TOLD US THAT EARLIER?**_ "

"Because the pictures are pretty and I wanted to delay that fugly bastard and hopefully keep him away from the dragons' nest. He fought Zoro in the ruins in the story, so I thought maybe if there was less to worry about and someone to help, we might be able to get rid of Eric early." As if I had cued him, the mercenary appeared.

"How did you-? It doesn't matter." The Sickle-Sickle Fruit user slid down some roots into the chamber. "Thank you for deciphering this for me. Now… Where did you leave that dragon?"

I stared at him. "What I want to know is, how did you get here? In canon the marines chased us, but that didn't happen this time cause we had the ship in a different spot."

"Cannons have nothing to do with it." Of course Eric wouldn't understand. "I simply followed you after you escaped in your silly river boat. The marine ships couldn't quite catch you, but you were never out of my sight." The mercenary shifted into a fighting stance…

And then my blood went cold. Maudit, I was _definitely_ taking this too flippantly. I hadn't thought about this when we were assigning guards- _Zoro wasn't here_. Tabarnak. Who would fight Eric the- oh. Guess if I'd screwed this up, it was my job to fix it. This was _not_ going to go well. I drew my sais, the better for taking on someone who had blades for hands. "Go on ahead everyone. I'll distract him."

"You sure?" Luffy shot me a worried look. I nodded.

"I- if no one stays behind, he'll try and pick us off or something while we're on the move. But if you get down to the ship and then grab me…" My heart was speeding up. I took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself.

"Okay…" Luffy punched a hole in one wall and grabbed Apis, carrying her as he ran out. "Come on guys! We gotta get back to _Merry_ as fast as we can so Jones doesn't have to fight long!"

Nami, Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku moved out with all haste. Eric moved to get around me and go after them, but I stepped in his way. One sai was out like a sword, the other reversed against my forearm. "You're not getting that dragon."

"And how do you intend to stop me, little girl? Sickle-Sickle Whirlwind!" Blades of air sliced into me, tearing nicks in clothing and flesh. None of them were deep, but they certainly stung. If he got close enough to actually touch me with his nails… I just had to make sure that didn't happen.

Tong! Tang! My sais met Eric's hands with a ring of steel. Thankfully he didn't seem able to slice through. Even so, the force of the blows pushed me backwards. The mercenary smirked at me. "You're slow little girl. Let's see what happens if I step things up a notch, hmm?"

The answer was bloodshed. I couldn't move fast enough to protect everything, so I was reduced to guarding vital areas while he tore strips out of my arms and legs. Every blow pushed me back- although often not as far as I would've thought. Within seconds I stood bloodied and panting on the edge of a cliff. My left heel was actually hanging over empty space, knocking a few pebbles rattling down the hill. Eric was practically grinning as he lunged in with another strike, this one aimed to pierce my chest if I didn't block and shove me over if I did.

"Now die!"

"No!" I wasn't sure what happened then. Eric hit; I managed to block this one. But instead of being pushed off the cliff to tumble down through the ruins, I… _exploded_. Eric staggered back as if he'd been punched in the chest by Luffy; I flew into the air. There was no dust, no heat or light… Not even any sound, except that of Eric's pained gasp and heavy breathing.

Of course, flying backwards through the air wasn't really any better for me than falling off a cliff would've been. At least, until I heard a familiar voice shouting my name. "JONES! I'VE GOT YOU!"

A rubber hand clasped over the back of my shirt. Then came the elastic snap, prolonged over far more time than I would've expected possible before meeting this crew, as Luffy dragged me back to the ship. I slammed back first into the mast; as with several other things that had happened today, it didn't hurt as much as I'd expected it to.

"Jones needs bandages again," my captain said cheerily as we sailed away from the ruined island, back through the mirage. I touched one of the many shallow slices I'd gotten and nodded.

"Yeah. Guess I do."

Nami shook her head as she brought the first aid kit. "I swear Jones, you're almost as bad as Zoro. So… You're _sure_ the reef is where Lost Island is?"

"Not like I'm trying to be." I rolled up my shredded sleeves and began wrapping my arms. "Yeah, I'm sure. I guess we didn't _have_ to go to the ruins, but I thought Apis might want to see the paintings of her ancestors. It's something to tell her grandfather about at least."

Apis stared at me. "But… How did you even know it was there? Even Grandpa Ryu didn't; he apologized as soon as we got back for sending us to the wrong island."

Ghin patted me on the head. "Jones is our crew's witch; if anyone would know where to find dragon nesting grounds, it's her."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." Apis shrugged and went astern to talk to Grandpa Ryu.

X

For almost an hour, everything was smooth sailing- literally and figuratively. Then a dark line appeared on the horizon. This shadow grew closer, resolving itself into a fleet of marine ships. Mostly sixteen-gun brigantines; smaller and more maneuverable than the man o'war Fullbody had at the _Baratie_ , and thus better for working in formation. Some of them had great lengths of chain strung in between. What was truly worrying, though, was that they were surrounding us from all sides. Usopp saw this even before I did, if his panicked shout to Zoro was any indication.

"They're gonna catch us! You've gotta cut us out!"

"Idiot! I can't cut steel!"

"Then how do we get through? It's a marine blockade!"

Then Apis tore out of the galley and ran back to Ryu's nest. "Don't worry Grandpa Ryu! I'm here!"

Usopp immediately broke off his fight with Zoro. "Apis! Get back inside!"

"No! I won't leave Grandpa Ryu out here alone!"

While my crew mates argued behind me, I squinted at the ships around us, searching for the commander. He shouldn't be hard to spot… There! An immobile hulk of a man whose captain's jacket could barely contain his sweaty bulk. A stretched-out tattoo, bulging, swirly cheeks… Was he some sort of evil Akimichi? Luffy came up behind me as I scanned the brigantines.

"Whatcha looking for Jones?"

"An army is like a chicken; cut off the head and the rest will run around like a useless mess until it collapses."

"Okay…" Luffy poked the back of my head. "What's that mean?"

"We can fight them. If one of us takes out the captain, we can win."

Nodding, Luffy then displayed one of the flashes of tactical genius that made him an excellent choice for pirate king. "Nami, Usopp, stay with the ship and shoot people! Everyone else- let's go! We're gonna fight!"

His announcement was punctuated by an explosion, a whistle, and a splash. Waves rocked the _Merry_ , a few of the largest ones splashing up over her sides. Mortar fire. And too close for comfort too. I pointed to the lead ship. "Captain… Can you get me there? The commander isn't… Even I can take him, but I can't jump far enough."

"Shishishi! Sure thing Jones!" Luffy grabbed me with one hand and the mast of the brigantine with the other. "Gum-Gum Rocket!"

Cold, salty air stung my eyes. I brought my legs up as I flew, turning my landing into a flying kick to the stomach of one of Captain Nelson's guards. Luffy performed a similar descent on the other side before running off to tackle the men operating the mortar. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Zoro and Sanji leaping to other ships; the swordsman wore his bandanna and a manic grin as he swung three swords in blurred arcs. Ghin wasn't far behind. His spinning tonfa sent men flying. Johnny and Yosaku climbed rather than leaping, fighting back to back on a ship until they eventually disappeared inside.

Captain Nelson yelled in protest, spitting chunks of half-chewed pork over the deck. "The dragon! We almost have it men! Destroy these no-name pirates!"

"No-name?" Luffy punched a mortar officer over the edge of the ship. "We're not no-name! I'm gonna be king of the pirates! I just don't have a bounty yet!" He pouted at me as he continued to fight.

"Agreed." One of the marines tried to grab me; I twisted him into a pain hold and used him as a shield against a series of blows from one of his allies. "We're the Straw Hat Pirates and as long as we're around, you're not getting that dragon."

"Psh, there's only seven of you. How can you stop me?"

An explosion sounded from the _Going Merry_ ; the mainmast of one of the brigantines snapped in half and fell onto its neighbor. A crazy grin crossed my face. "Actually, there's nine of us."

Captain Nelson sputtered. He was helpless to do anything himself; with the battle brought shipside, even his shouting tactics didn't help his men. He had a _lot_ of men though. I was growing tired, punching and kicking at the guards. It might've helped if I'd remembered to take my training weights off before joining the battle. Or maybe not; the extra weight was adding momentum to my strikes that was probably compensating for me not being particularly strong by this world's terms.

"What are you waiting for! These pirates can't win! Shoot the dragon! We have to get the draconite!" Captain Nelson's annoying voice rang out over the battlefield. Oh, I couldn't wait until someone got there to shut him up.

"Jones! Duck!" I did. Less than a second later, my captain's foot flew over my head. "Gum-Gum Whip!"

With Luffy clearing great swathes of the battlefield, I found myself with a few much-needed seconds to breathe. This meant I saw the hatch next to me moving before it opened to let more men on the deck. I gathered my focus as quickly as I could, striking down through the wood and into the head of the lead soldier. He let go of the ladder in surprise, falling back onto his companions and sending them all back down like dominoes.

A miniature tornado rose on another ship, preceded by Zoro's voice. "Tatsumaki!" Marines flew into the air, accompanied by shards of wood and a couple of loose cannonballs.

"Why would you even _want_ to live forever?" I demanded of Nelson. "You can't move on your own, can't do anything. What's the point of an existence like that?"

"Who _wouldn't_ want to live forever?" It wasn't Nelson's voice that answered me. I hit the deck as the air above me was rent by sickle-like claws. Tabarnak. Eric was back.

Except… He wasn't aiming for me. At least, not at first. The Sickle-Sickle user's scythes hit a much larger and less mobile target. Right, he was a turncoat. Nelson's roar of pain splattered everyone nearby with bits of food. Gross. I stole the neckerchief of an unconscious marine to scrub off my face. This left me vulnerable when the mercenary remembered my existence and turned to claw me- an action that left _him_ vulnerable when Luffy swung from a line overhead. Rubber feet slammed into that fugly mug, firing Eric across the ship.

"You're that ugly sicko guy again!"

"Ugly?" Eric spat out a tooth my captain had knocked loose. "I have you know I spend an hour every morning to look this impeccable. And it's _sickle_!"

"So you're even uglier when you wake up?" Luffy slammed a punch into Eric's stomach. "That sucks."

"I'm not ugly! Although it doesn't really matter; who needs beauty when immortality is in your reach?"

"Immor-? Jones is right; why would you want to live forever? It sounds lonely. All your friends and everything would die."

"An immortal doesn't need friends! He has all the time in the world to amass wealth, power… Anything he could ever wish for!"

"None of that's worth anything without people to share it with! Being alone hurts the most out of anything!"

The butt of a gun slammed into my back; I'd been paying too much attention to the morality debate. Luckily my staff took part of the blow. I spun, slamming my fist into my attacker's face. "TAI!"

He staggered, stunned. That was enough to make him drop his musket, although not enough to stop him from attacking. The marine drew his cutlass. I pulled out one of my sais; it lay flat back along my forearm as I raised it to block. Steel rang against steel. My bones ached from the impact. But his two-handed grip on his blade left the marine open to attacks on his solar plexus and ribcage when I sent his sword skidding to the side. Three swift punches, then a snap kick that sent my opponent stumbling backwards over one of his fallen brethren.

Somewhere in the distance, Sanji's voice rose over the clash of battle. "Collier! Cuisseau! Selle! Épaule! Basse! Concassé!" Each of the cook's heavy kicks was accompanied by the sound of pained yells. Even from as far away as I was, I could hear the crack of bones breaking- as well as, most memorably, the bowsprit of one of the brigantines.

I spotted the soldier as he raised his gun, aiming at- Apis? That was lower than low! She was just a little girl, not even involved in the fighting! Marines had no honour… I ran at the soldier, but by the time I tackled him into the deck, the gunshot was already ringing in my ears.

It didn't hit Apis though. Grandpa Ryu was faster than the bullet, rising up and placing himself between the little girl and the gunman. The lead ball sank into brown scales. Ryu roared in pain and anger, an echoing sound that shook the whole sea. My ears rang; the ship I was standing on rocked. And then… Two mighty wingbeats. Three. Suddenly the ancient dragon was flying, soaring at the ship from which the bullet had come. Panicked marines redirected their cannon fire from trying to shoot the _Merry_ to bringing down Ryu. The ancient dragon roared again as he took half a dozen hits.

That proved too much for his aging body. The final shot hit the left side of his chest, near his heart; Ryu went down. He collapsed in the water, half floating. Apis screamed and began crying. Even though I knew the dragon would be reborn, I couldn't help the wash of anger that scream brought out in me- although admittedly, it was mostly at this man who would attack a little girl for the sake of an arrogant, gluttonous captain. I slammed the gunman's head into the rail before heaving him over the side.

Cannon fire still rang out over the sea. Even spread thin as we were, the Straw Hats couldn't distract all the marine brigantines at once, and we weren't destroying them fast enough. Some were firing back on the ram-headed ship. None had hit her yet, but it was only a matter of time. And then the sky went dark.

"Dragons!" The cry went up from an undamaged ship near the one I was standing on. Everyone in earshot looked up. The blue sky of early afternoon had been blocked out by scales in every shade of green and brown. It was an awesome sight. Their beating wings filled the air with heavy thrumming and painful sub-sonics.

I smiled grimly as I punched a marine in the gut. "Oh tongue, give sound to joy and sing of hope and promise on dragon wing"

Captain Nelson coughed. Oh, so Eric hadn't killed him yet. I guess all that blubber made half-decent armour. "Excellent! Now I can be sure I'll have enough draconite!"

He _still_ thought he was going to win? Seriously? How dumb could he be? And yet somehow his men were all loyal and afraid… Exactly what had he done when he was younger? I climbed up on the poop deck, from which I could drop onto Nelson's head with a heavy kick. "Shut up. You're not getting those dragons."

Lilac flew across the ship to thud against the mast; Luffy followed, blood leaking from shallow slices all over his body. Eric wasn't down yet, but it was only a matter of time. All around the battle, the tide was slowly going out. It would be at its lowest soon, the ships beached and the dragons' nest revealed. The _Going Merry_ wasn't quite on the reef. Good; that should keep it from damaging her.

More marine gunmen were taking arms now. Sanji, Ghin, and Zoro had disabled- or more likely, smashed- the mortars on all the other ships, so only muskets and standard cannon were left. The cannon fired at the _Going Merry_ , but Nami was doing a good job of keeping the little ship from being hit. That, or the sheep had some of the best luck on the seven seas. Muskets, meanwhile, were aimed at the sky. For some reason the marines were still fighting to do the bidding of their unconscious captain.

A unified wave of gunfire tore through the air; my ears rang. And then a dozen dragons fell, their blood raining down like a brief, red storm. It was hot- not your usual lizard blood. Most of the dragons who fell were very old, although not quite as ancient as Grandpa Ryu. Two lucky shots though, brought down dragons in their prime. A great gold hulk plunged into the waves with enough force to roll one of the already listing brigantines; a smaller white corpse slammed down on the bowsprit of another, breaking it off.

The water around us was dark, full of splinters and gunpowder- and blood. This was no cartoon battle on a screen; even in a world of badass, people were dying. Luffy and his crew preferred to leave opponents alive, true, but a sword or gun is ultimately a tool for killing. Zoro's enemies especially probably had a high number of unintentional casualties, and Ghin's levels of mercy were an unknown. A strong scent of copper filled the air as steel and fists continued to clash under the roar of gunfire.

Not that I registered most of this until later. For the first part of the battle I was too focused on the individual people I saw, and after the dragons fell… It was several minutes before I saw anything but swirling red and black. I don't remember what I did, or the actions taken by anyone around me. All I knew was the heated drops of dragon blood that landed on my face. How dare these marines shoot little girls and beautiful animals, neither of whom were fighting? They needed to be punished! I forgot all my training in my desire to put down as many marine gunmen as possible; no blocking or dodging, just attack, attack, _attack_.

It was this lack of defense that eventually brought me out of my mindless rage. A cutlass raked across my chest- not deep or deadly, but a large and painful slice, steeply slanted from my left clavicle, between my breasts to the bottom of the right side of my ribcage. The stinging, burning brought me back to myself. Gasping, I slipped in what appeared to be a mix of blood and oil from a smashed lamp, falling forwards under this attacker's next strike. Something cracked above me; before he could reorient himself to cut me again, the soldier was knocked out of the way by a thrown body. Warm rubber landed beside me.

"Jones! You alright?"

"I'm fine." I gritted my teeth and tugged the torn edges of my shirt across, tucking them into my pants and each other to maintain some semblance of modesty. Tabarnak, my chest burned. Aches everywhere else told the tale of the men I'd punched and kicked, or been punched and kicked by.

"Okay, well, hold on tight. We're going back to the _Merry_ ; the marines are leaving." Luffy grabbed me and launched the both of us back to our ship. I slammed into the deck, which didn't do my sliced chest any favours. Curling up into a ball, I spent a brief moment hissing in pain.

Nami was hugging Apis when I stood, trying to console the girl who'd lost her friend. The navigator may or may not also have needed the comfort herself; I had no idea what sort of battles she had seen under Arlong. "Grandpa Ryu… Why'd you have to die? Now we'll never get to see the dragons' nest together!"

Usopp looked shaken; this was his first major battle as well. Ghin was more or less unaffected, while Zoro and Sanji were livid- likely for the same reasons that I'd gone into a blind rage. Johnny and Yosaku were the last to arrive, and though I doubted they had much more battle experience than me or Usopp, they wore shit-eating grins as well as blood and bruises. Johnny tossed something at me as the pair came over the rail.

"Got you a present Big Sis!"

"Wha~?" I stared blearily at the wooden toilet seat, not understanding. Then Yosaku slapped Johnny upside the head.

"Give it to her later- can't you see she's hurt? Big Sis needs bandages!"

I probably needed stitches, actually, but without Chopper around I'd take what I could get. Johnny ran and retrieved the first-aid supplies from the galley so everyone could patch ourselves up as best we could. Due to the awkward placing of my wound, I hid behind a conveniently placed barrel while I bound it so that I could still talk to people. Not that talking was easy; until I was done, I kept having to bite my lip to keep from yelping.

"So… What's with the toilet seat? What did you two do?" I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know the answer. Almost as soon as I was done speaking, one of the retreating marine brigantines exploded in a great geyser. Luckily we were far enough away that none of the shrapnel fell on the _Merry_ \- although the eruption certainly distressed the keening dragons circling above.

"Well, you see, there was this one marine who was guarding some experimental explosives. No idea what they were made of- they were like nothing we've ever seen before. So naturally…"

"We decided that to figure out what they did, we _obviously_ needed to light a couple. But they didn't ignite for any of the usual things, so we…"

"Had to get inventive. The one we shoved down the toilet blew up pretty well, so the next logical step was to fill _all_ the toilets and see what happened."

"And _that_ was the result!" Both hunters pointed proudly at where a brigantine had once floated. "The seat we brought you was from the first toilet we blew up."

I winced as a twinge ran through my chest. "And why're you giving it to me?"

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other and shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time?"

X

The dragons' nest was fully revealed an hour before sunset, a great plain of coral, mud, rock, and bone. It was beautiful, in a sad and haunting way. Great skeletons, partially petrified, stood over nest hollows like guardians, water dripping down fang, rib, and claw. This didn't bother the dragons as they landed one by one, crooning and crying, but it did bother Apis. Even after loosing Grandpa Ryu she wanted to stay, to see this place he'd died trying to revisit. Sniffling, the little girl joined our crew as we disembarked to have a look around.

One of the dragons, a small green female, approached and began chattering at Apis in a musical voice. The little girl frowned. "What- what do you mean? I don't understand."

Luffy was also frowning at the green dragon. "I didn't know you could talk!"

"Because it's _not_ talking," Ghin drawled. Our captain shook his head.

"No, she is. Something about people being reborn?" Wait… Luffy could hear the Voice of All Things this early? Tabarnak…

Apis nodded. "I don't know what she means, but she says she can show us if we follow her. She says… She says we'll understand once we join her in the heart of the nest."

So we followed, feet squelching through salty mud. Around us, dragons of every size twined and sang in loud, warbling voices. It was a beautiful song. I couldn't understand what they were saying the way Luffy and Apis could, but the tunes had something hopeful about them. They reminded me of whale song actually. Definitely different than little songbirds, no matter how pretty- the whales and dragons had something _there_ , an intelligence behind their voices that I'd never heard a songbird match.

Our journey was interrupted by a pained yell. Everyone turned in unison to find the source of the noise. There, on a heap of coral rising above our heads- Eric and Nelson. Although the latter was dead. The captain must've been on a straggling ship that got caught on the reef as water receded and land rose. Eric pushed his sunglasses up on his nose and sneered. I sighed. Seriously, again? Even with all the changes to the final battle?

Luffy seemed to share my opinion, glaring up at the mercenary. "You don't know when to quit, do you?"

"You kids can't stop me forever. Don't you see it all around us? Endless draconite! Even if I can't get it out of those old bones, I can always rip it from the living bodies!" Eric made to attack the dragon who was guiding us. Apis tried to jump in the way, but Usopp held her back. Instead, Luffy took the hit.

The captain's eyes went dark. "We already told you, we won't let you hurt these dragons! Gum-Gum Pistol!"

"Sickle-Sickle Whirlwind!" Tiny blades of air tore into the rubber boy and knocked his blow off course. Eric followed up his technique with a miniature tornado. "Sickle-Sickle Wind Slash!"

"Argh!" Luffy jumped into the air, reaching down to grab Eric by the shoulders. "Gum-Gum Bell!" There was a hollow thud as forehead met forehead. For all his injuries, my captain was smiling- and it wasn't one of his usual kind or silly smiles. "Gum-Gum Gatling! And Bazooka!"

"Gah!" Eric crumpled under snapping rubber fists, unable to get off any more Sickle-Sickle attacks through the rain of blows. Once he was good and pounded, the mercenary flew into the air. He may or may not have still been conscious at the time.

Grinning, Luffy placed his hand on his hat. "Okay, he's finally gone. Let's keep going dragon lady!" He waved at our patiently waiting guide.

The green dragon led us to a shallow indentation at the center of the reef. Numerous other dragons crouched around the edges, singing a different song than the others. Theirs was more a tune of anticipation- at least, if dragons had similar tastes in music to humans. All were staring at a number of eggs arranged in a ring at the bottom of the hollow. They were the largest eggs I'd ever seen, thirteen hard, white ovals roughly the size of a beach ball. The green dragon nudged Apis with her nose, making the little girl stumble into the ring of eggs.

She landed practically on top of the largest. Still confused, Apis turned to the dragon who'd pushed her. "I don't get it. What do you want me to do? You're not making any sense- who's gonna be reborn? How?"

Around us, the dragons' anticipatory thrumming was growing louder. The ground shook with it. Sanji was about to light a cigarette; a look from one of the adult dragons stopped him. Huffing, the cook folded his arms. And then the first egg cracked.

Soon all of them were rocking, trembling, _hatching_. Apis tried to scramble out of the nest, but the green dragon pushed her back in and held her in front of the largest egg with a gentle claw. Faint lines appeared over one shell at a time, until the big one couldn't take any more stress. A white shard flew out, clattering to the ground and revealing a small, mud-coloured snout. The smell of sea air made the baby dragon inside redouble its efforts, squirming around and pulling at the shell with its teeth. Soon enough of the egg was broken that the hatchling was able to flop out.

It was chubby and soft, green and brown with a damp white ruff around its face. The baby cooed loudly when it saw Apis, scrambling over to her on unsteady legs tipped with oversized paws. Eyes wide, the little girl bent down to hug the eager dragonet.

"Oh! Really?" Apis snuggled her scaly friend. Her eyes shone with tears. "It's Ryu! That's what the lady dragon meant; dragons who die near the nest are reborn here, Grandpa Ryu's Little Ryu now! And he remembers me!"

Nami beamed, her eyes almost as wet as Apis'. Johnny and Yosaku were outright bawling, hugging each other for all they were worth. Usopp looked two seconds from joining them- hampered only by his lack of partner. Oh well, that would be fixed once we met Chopper.

One by one, twelve of the thirteen eggs hatched. Baby versions of the dragons shot by the marines flopped out. Unlike Little Ryu, these stumbled over to the adult dragons rather than Apis. The elders crooned and licked the hatchlings, drying and fluffing their scales and ruffs. But the last egg, the smallest, wasn't cracking. It rocked back and forth, but nothing else happened. One of the adults, a small one with light brown scales, cooed and hung her head.

Luffy frowned at the little egg. "What's wrong with that one?"

Apis looked at the dragons. Little Ryu and our green guide chattered back in mournful tones. When she turned back to Luffy, Apis had tears in her eyes for a whole new reason. "Mama Green says sometimes they have trouble being reborn, especially if they die violently. He'll rock for a while, but if he doesn't manage to get out before midnight, he'll run out of air and die for real." The little girl sniffled. "And even if he does get out, there might be something wrong with him."

Of course there would be. A lack of oxygen could cause brain damage. I looked around at which dragons had already hatched to determine who was suffering inside a too thick shell. The white one, the one who'd fallen on a brigantine bowsprit. Maybe the hatching difficulty was caused by post-mortem damage?

My body moved on its own. The next thing I knew, I was on my knees beside the rocking egg. My athame was in my hand. Why that instead of some other tool or weapon from my arsenal? Because the shell thickness isn't the only thing that determines how hard hatching is, and sais don't have a blade. As for the prohibition against cutting living creatures with an athame… Hopefully I would be using this to save a life, rather than taking it.

Above me, my crew mates stared. Zoro frowned. "Jones… What're you doing?"

I ignored him. More important than explaining myself was tapping over hard shell with the butt of my athame, weakening it from the outside. It finally began to crack. I pulled shards of shell away, wincing at how thick they were. No baby would be able to break that, dragon or not. Inside was a thick membrane with a panicked hatchling within. Soft, rounded claws tried and failed to pierce through. I flipped my athame around to slice it, spilling the dragonet onto the ground.

But my name wasn't Jaxom and this wasn't a Weyr hatching ground, so my job wasn't done there. The hatchling had inhaled some sort of fluid in its panic. It was drowning on the reef, its struggles growing weaker. Merde. I didn't even know how CPR worked on a human, much less a baby dragon. No fantasy novel I'd ever read covered that in its story. Still, I had to try. For better or for worse, my classmates had called me Dragon Freak as a child; now that I'd finally come face to face with real dragons, I couldn't let one of them die.

I rolled the dragonet onto its back, using one hand to hold its thrashing head still. "Come on little guy, stop panicking. I'm just trying to help." My own chest ached in sympathy with the hatchling's breathing trouble. The baby didn't seem to understand words, but it was like my cat; just speaking in a soothing tone calmed it down. "Gods above and below, I hope this works. Just relax little guy. I'm trying to help you. Half my heart to make you whole, it's strength to purify your weakness."

Its chest was so small, barely larger than a human baby's. Something told me that if it _was_ a human baby I should pat it on the back, but the dragonet had wings there. I pressed in gently, pumping a few times to try and get the dragonet to spit up whatever it swallowed. Nothing. Okay then. Mouth to mouth on a baby dragon was nothing like a kiss- more like putting my mouth over the top of a bottle of Jones Soda and blowing into it. A couple small breaths, more awkward pumping with my fingers on the tiny chest. Then a few more breaths and… dragon puke in my mouth? Gross!

Turning aside, I spat out the mouthful of… whatever. Tabarnak! That was nasty! Almost as bad as my Devil Fruit. I didn't think; no knife or anything, I rolled up my sleeve and bit myself on the arm- hard enough to bleed- to get the taste out. It was that bad. How could a baby fresh out of an egg puke anyway? Unless that was the yolk or whatever had been in its lungs.

Feeble chirps beside me told me I'd succeeded though. The little dragon was breathing. I was pretty sure it wasn't usually that easy, but maybe dragons were tougher than humans. Then pain exploded in the back of my skull. I nearly blacked out. Turning, I looked up into the angry-yet-reproachful eyes of my captain. My forearm slowly slipped free of my jaws and lowered to the ground as I blinked away spots.

" _Jones_ … You're not supposed to hurt yourself."

"But… It wasn't… I just needed the taste out of my mouth!"

"Then ask Sanji for sweets!"

Luffy's pouty scowl was an excellent weapon for inflicting guilt- probably something he perfected in order to talk Ace into things. I turned away; facing those eyes was not conducive to sulking. Apologizing maybe. "Sorry…"

Apis giggled. "You guys are weird."

The safest place to look to avoid my captain's gaze was at the baby dragon- which had an even larger, but thankfully less guilt-inducing set of eyes. Although… Why hadn't this hatchling run off to an adult dragon? All the others had, except Ryu. I prodded the little creature towards the brown dragon who was hanging her head. It ignored my nudging in favour of staring at me and gurgling. The brown dragon shook her head and warbled.

"Oh…" Apis looked from one dragon to the other, biting her lip. "Mama Brown says he doesn't remember. He was her mate, but the hatching trouble… He'll have to be raised like a real baby again."

"Okay. Can she do that, or do we need to find his original mum?"

The brown dragon roared at me, her jaws snapping at the air over my head before golden eyes fixed me with a glare. My hat flew off from the force of the wind. It landed on the white hatchling's head, much to his delight. I think that was a no.

"Mama Brown says his original mum is one of the other reborns. She also wants to know why you don't want to do it; you saved him, so you're his new mother. It's their tradition- if you love someone enough to break them out of a mis-hatch, you accept responsibility as their new parent. Mama Brown's ashamed that a human did it when she couldn't."

That made it sound like breaking into one of the hardened eggs was some sort of risk. Then I looked at the brown dragon's claws. Longer than my sais, thick as my wrist, and sharp as one of Zoro's katana. Attempting to crack a shell or tear an egg membrane with them probably had a high chance of killing whatever was inside. I bowed my head. "Sorry… I didn't know."

I plucked my hat off the baby dragon's head and placed it back on mine. Then I picked the little guy up and held him in front of my face. Blue eyes stared into mine- and suddenly I knew why Impression was different than making an impression. If haoshoku haki was like being attacked in your emotions and senses, this was like being hugged in them. Where my experience with Dragon was pain and brightness, my experience with the baby dragon was soft coolness. Instead of making me feel insignificant and unsure of myself, it was a wash of unconditional love and trust.

Is this the same feeling you get from looking into a puppy's eyes when you first take it home?

"What am I gonna call you?" I leaned back as the dragonet tried to nip my nose. "Benden? Telgar? Ruatha?"

The hatchling chirped at the last one. I tickled his squishy belly before draping him across my shoulders. "Fine. Ruatha it is then."

Sanji huffed. "Miss Apis said they eat seafood… Anything else? How much extra are we gonna need?"

The little girl chattered with the dragons for a while. Now that I'd accepted responsibility for Ruatha, Mama Brown was much less hostile about providing information. "You should be able to feed him anything you would eat. He'll be big enough to start flying in a couple of months, so you can start teaching him to hunt then. Dragons grow fast."

"Joy." Sanji huffed. I made a mental note to find a way to convince Franky to make the _Thousand Sunny_ larger than in canon. That, or as Ruatha got bigger someone would have to teach him to be a damn good swimmer.

Of course, the decision as to who could join the crew ultimately rested with Luffy. I turned to look at my captain. "Is- is this alright?" If it wasn't… I would have to leave the crew. The Straw Hats could survive without me; a baby couldn't.

Dark brown eyes morphed into glowing stars. "Why wouldn't it be? We get to have a dragon on the crew! So cool!" Of course. Why was I even worried?

X

If you're ever tempted to spend the night with a newborn dragon, don't. We went back to Warship Island for the night; I took Ruatha up to Grandpa Ryu's old cave. The hatchling seemed incapable of sleep. He spent the night climbing all over me, gnawing on the ends of my bandanna, jumping on my kidneys, and trying to steal my hat. Not to mention the singing. But where the adult dragons were musical geniuses of the same eerie quality as humpback whales, Ruatha's voice was like a kitten crossed with a starling. On caffeine.

Not that I could've slept anyway. My first major battle; now that the frantic energy of the fight was gone, I was going over everything in my head. Or at least, everything I could remember. There was still a gaping hole in my memories between the shooting of the dragons and the marine who slashed my chest. Other than that, though… The smell of blood, the roar of cannon… My head was ringing with the chaos while my limbs ached from the effort expended and wounds received. Wounds I knew were me getting off easy.

I was… Less affected than I had expected. Maybe it was because I played so many fantasy RPGs with full gore on- unrealistic as things like _Dragon Age_ and _Skyrim_ were, I had some exposure to the idea of death at the end of a sword. Or maybe it was because I hadn't gotten a good look at anyone who'd died, even though I knew theoretically that many people had. Even if Zoro had _somehow_ managed to cause totally nonlethal damage, Johnny and Yosaku had blown up an entire ship- via _toilet_. And then there was what Eric had done to Nelson…

Maybe there was something wrong with me. I'd wondered before- why no matter how gory a cop show got, it didn't bother me. Why when other people talked about the motives behind murder or suicide, I didn't cringe the way my friends did. Whatever it was though… It would probably be useful in this world. But was that a good or bad thing? This… This was one of the reasons that I hated myself still, even years after I'd finally met people who accepted and even liked some of the other things that made me a freak.

X

Little Ryu sat tall beside Apis as she waved goodbye to us. It was a little sad- where I got to keep my dragon for the foreseeable future, she had to let hers go. Once the hatchlings who'd been reborn properly were old enough to fly, the main flock would continue on their thousand-year migration route. But since my little buddy couldn't remember anything, he wouldn't be able to go with them. He needed to be raised like a natural baby; according to Apis, those were usually born at a different part of the migration cycle, when the dragons stayed in one place for a longer time. The little girl didn't seem too sad though. She'd said something about starting a tradition of protecting the reef, so it wouldn't be lost again and no one looking for draconite would have an easy time raiding the nest for bones.

Ruatha warbled a farewell as we raised anchor and headed out to sea. Nami rolled her eyes, smiling at the dragonet perched on my shoulders. "Okay Jones. You sleeping in the cargo hold used to be weird. Now… Have at it. I don't think I could share a room with him; he'd wake me up."

I couldn't argue. I had bags under my eyes that would put a racoon to shame. If it kept up, I'd start to look like Trafalgar Law. Patting Ruatha on the head, I shrugged. Nami shook her head, smile fading.

"How can you be so… calm about this? Did you expect it all from your story? We were just in a major battle! I wasn't even directly involved; you almost got gutted like a fish! And you came out of it more worried about whether Luffy will let you keep your new pet than about your own health!"

"No. I didn't expect the battle. In the story, this was one of the most kid-friendly, happy adventures- except for the part where Grandpa Ryu got killed protecting Apis. The battle was a _lot_ bloodier than what I remember, and I don't think I did anything that would've caused it." And that was terrifying. What was my writer doing? Was she trying to make things more dramatic for some reason? Admittedly, the anime version wasn't much of a battle… Still, I didn't like the idea that my writer might just randomly decide to turn the violence up because she felt a scene was too tame.

"As for how I can be so calm… You knew from the moment Zoro pulled me out of the ocean and you saw my arms that I wasn't right in the head. I… Compartmentalize. Only way to move past things sometimes. I got my puking and crying over with last night when Ruatha wouldn't let me sleep." Not that there had been any puking or much crying, but close enough.

"I know that. You're not the only one. I guess what surprises me is that it's _you_. The girl who needs to hold Ghin's hand to walk through a city." Nami smirked at my shocked look. "Yeah, he told us."

"So you thought I was only good for talking us out of trouble with nicotine-addicted marine captains? Guess no one told you I gassed Nezumi's crew."

"No, Ghin told me that too." Nami shook her head. "You're crazy Jones. I don't know what kind of crazy, but it's not straight depression or anxiety. Something else… The question is whether it's a good crazy or a bad crazy."

"You know, last time a redhead called me crazy, I stuck her with a pin." I winced, shaking my head. "I was a year younger than Luffy at the time; she made me so _angry_. I thought she was my friend, but she was just as nasty as any of the other people I grew up with. We both got in trouble, then talked our way out of it with a few tears and some crappy apologies. Now? I don't care anymore. Although I prefer the term insane to crazy."

Nami shook her head in disbelief and left to go deal with her charts. I patted Ruatha and kept a sharp eye out as the _Merry_ pulled away from Warship Island. Next stop, Reverse Mountain. But at the moment, I was more worried about Eric the Whirlwind. In the anime he'd shown up one more time, at the base of the Red Line.

Thudding footsteps alerted me to Zoro's approach. "You looking for that guy with the claws?"

"Yeah. I didn't see if he could still move after what Luffy did, but…"

"You don't want to leave anything to chance."

"Sesehihihihihi!" My laughter startled Ruatha, who snorted and wrapped his tail tight around my right arm. "Chance? At this point, I don't know what's chance and what's not. I don't _think_ I changed anything major about Warship Island, but the battle didn't happen the way I was expecting. How can I trust what I know if the girl behind the keyboard decides to change random details to make things more dramatic?"

"You plan for what you'll do if things _do_ go the way you expect, then stop worrying about what happens if they _don't_." Zoro smirked. "If you worry about everything, you'll just suffer twice."


	8. Carpe Diem

**Carpe Diem: Seize the day.**

 **Special Disclaimer: The song in this chapter is, as far as I know, old enough to be in the public domain. It's a sea shanty that I've heard many versions of over the years, that was apparently written in 1886 or so; I've modified a line or two to fit the** _ **One Piece**_ **world. As for how I can get away with it without Jones calling me out on shenanigans… I learned this song** _ **after**_ **I started writing this fic. Hooray loopholes! . No, I'm not in an arms race against my own character. Why do you ask?**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thank you. And yes, pet dragon. I was raised on Anne McCaffrey novels, so I couldn't help it.**

 **Lightsbane1905: True enough about the sanity. Jones mostly calls herself crazy because she's used to people thinking that where she comes from; she'll get over it eventually. And believe it or not, I didn't intend Jones and Nami to be like Zoro and Sanji; it just happened. But I'm glad people like it.**

 **Xipholynx: As always, thank you very much! ^_^ I hope you have many great weeks too.**

 **kingoffire1: Thank you! And I won't be adapting all the movies and filler arcs, but I will be doing a lot of them.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you! I was a little worried at first that people would think having Ruatha around was overpowered or something, but since he's just a baby right now, I guess it's fine. And yes, Jones has Apis' snail number. May not use it often, but it exists.**

 **Xomniac: Trying to one-up you, Senpai? You know I would never do that. If I wanted to challenge you, I'd do so somewhere I stood a chance, like a poetry competition. Although, for those closer to my own level who I might feel like challenging... Modern history shows that it's very difficult to win a battle without air superiority.**

 **Guest: You're welcome. :)**

 **CV12Hornet: I'm afraid you may be waiting a long time before seeing something like that. A speech of that sort isn't easy for me...**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you! And you need wait no longer.**

 **Doodling Shadows: Ah. Yes, I see what you mean about some of Jones' early characterization. I was't trying to make her pitiable; I'm afraid I fell into the trap of trying to establish her character and background too quickly and without proper context, so a number of finer details were lost. It didn't help that I was both angry and down when I started writing the story either. You're right; it would've been stronger if I showed more of her paranoia— things like not being able to sit with her back to a door or open space, or the way she constantly fidgets and looks around as if expecting someone to jump her from behind, or the things she thinks will happen if she talks back to the authority figures she's so afraid of.**

 **gamelover41592: As you wish.**

 **Kibbits: Merci beaucoup! Mais, je ne suis pas une Québécoise; j'suis du nord-est de l'Ontario. Mon professeur préféré était du Québec, donc j'ai appris un peu Joual de lui. Désolé...**

Eric didn't show up. I wasn't sure if I was glad or not. Would we ever face him again? Luffy had beaten him worse than in the anime, so maybe not… Regardless, I had to take Zoro's advice and stop thinking about it; if I worried about every little thing, I wouldn't have time to enjoy the fun things about this adventure. Plus, it would drive me crazy.

…Crazier.

So as we sailed for Reverse Mountain, I tried to practice with my Devil Fruit. Why hadn't it been working the way I thought it did? Surely by now I should've been able to do _something_ with it. And… what was with the explosion yesterday? Did it have something to do with my fruit? It was almost like I'd been releasing stored energy from an impact dial when I blocked Eric. Had- had I been going about this all wrong? But… If it wasn't the _Star Wars_ Force, what did… Physics. Tabarnak. I hadn't taken physics in six years. But I could probably remember enough of the concepts to be useful… Hopefully. I was pulled from my thoughts by Sanji calling everybody for lunch.

The smell of roast lamb welcomed me into the galley. Sanji was making sandwiches- deliciously warm, the gamey meat and sautéed vegetables squished between thick slices of whole grain bread he'd baked early in the morning. I'd been to _restaurants_ where customers didn't eat as well as we did on this pirate ship. Hell, I'd worked at them. I slipped into my spot at the table as everyone else was arriving, leaning back against the wall as I bit into my sandwich. Warm sauce, too much for the bread to absorb, splashed out over my chin; I wiped it on the back of my hand, licking it up a moment later when my mouth was no longer full. Mustn't waste.

With Ruatha's presence, I was no longer safe from having my food stolen. Though Luffy still left my plate alone, the dragonet had no such limitations. And unlike my captain, I couldn't scare Ruatha off. The baby dragon didn't understand words yet. "Give that back! Sanji made you your own!"

Usopp burst out laughing as Ruatha snatched half of my sandwich. Sensing an ally, the hatchling dove under the sniper's chair with his ill-gotten gains. Unfortunately for the sniper, my little friend wasn't aware of how far I was willing to go to catch him. I dumped Usopp off his chair and scooped Ruatha up- unfortunately I was too late to save my food. "You naughty little ball of scales!"

"Cooruk!" Ruatha started licking my face.

"Jones!" Usopp whined, rubbing his bruised bottom. "What was that for?"

"My silly little slinky thought he could hide behind you. He needs to learn that nowhere's safe from me, no it's not." I rubbed my nose against the dragon's snout. Ruatha cooed and tried to lick my glasses.

A giant drop of sweat appeared on Usopp's temple and rolled down his neck. Wait… Not only were the glowing, morphing eyes a thing here, but sweatdrops too? What next- was Nami _actually_ able to sprout shark teeth when she got angry?

"Are you always this weird around animals?" Usopp wanted to know. Ghin answered for me.

"Yeah, she is. You should've seen her with the sea cow on the way to Nami's village."

"It's not weird!" Sanji leapt to my aid with a fresh sandwich and a kick aimed at Ghin's head. I sat back down and made sure to guard this food more carefully than the last; the kick was blocked by tonfa that spun up out of nowhere.

Luffy pouted. "Why does Jones get more food when hers is gone, but I don't?"

"Yours wasn't stolen by a baby dragon, Shitty Rubber!" Sanji abandoned his assault on Ghin to boot our captain out the door. Johnny and Yosaku started laughing; Zoro rolled his eyes.

An annoyed shriek from Nami brought everyone to a standstill. "Will you all shut up?! I'm trying to think!"

I froze midway through a bite. "Sorry!"

"It's not your fault Jones, it's these stupid men! And this stupid map; there's something wrong with it." The navigator had a chart spread across the end of the table. It was getting stained at the edges; doing paperwork at the table really wasn't a bright idea aboard the _Going Merry_ , as I had already learned.

"What's wrong?" How could one of Nami's maps be wrong this early in the journey? I slid over to check. As I suspected, there were no issues. "It looks right to me. What's the problem?"

Nami stared. "Jones… What do you mean, _what's the problem_? This map says we have to sail up a mountain. A mountain! That's impossible!"

Luffy's eyes shone like miniature stars as he bounced back into the galley. "Sail up a mountain? So cool! But how does that work?"

"It doesn't work! It's impossible!"

Zoro snorted. "More impossible than a captain made of rubber, or a madwoman from another world?"

"Yes! It defies the very laws of physics!"

"Sesehihihihihi!" I couldn't help myself. This was the world where physics went to die; why should _anything_ here follow its laws? Aside from, apparently, my powers. Ruatha tried to take advantage of my distraction to steal my food again; I grabbed him by the back of the neck and held him away while I finished my sandwich.

"Why are you laughing?!" Nami aimed a punch at my head. With no hands free at the moment, I ducked. Seriously, how did the other members of the crew never think to block or dodge when they ticked off the navigator?

"Well… Not giving anything important away, let's just say that Reverse Mountain isn't just the entrance to the Grand Line; it's the first test to weed out those who can't deal with the sea where sanity goes to die."

Ghin nodded. "Just be thankful we only have one ship. You have no idea what a nightmare it was getting Krieg's armada up the channel; he lost two that got caught in the wrong current and slammed into the Red Line, and three more when they crashed into each other on the way up."

"Wait… You mean, it's true? We have to sail up a mountain?" Nami looked from Ghin to the map. He nodded.

"Some weird currents. It's hard to aim, but if you can get it right, we'll go straight up."

"If anyone can steer us up a mountain, it's Nami!" Sanji spun in place. "You're so beautiful when you have a problem to work on dear!"

"Oh, shut up." Nami leaned over her chart again, trying to trace the narrow canal and figure out how to get us through Reverse Mountain. "Jones! Get out there and keep watch; tell me when you see the mountain."

"Why me?"

"Because if we leave it to one of the men, they won't notice until it's too late."

"Hey!" Johnny and Yosaku yelped indignantly; Zoro and Ghin growled. Giggling, everyone's favourite captain rocked back and forth where he sat.

"Shishishishi! It's true! Zoro'd fall asleep, me'n Usopp'd forget, Johnny'n Yosaku'd get dis- dis- start doing other things… Ghin or Sanji might remember though."

Ruatha grumbled- it could've been indignation at being forgotten, but more likely he was still hungry. I patted the little guy's head. "You can't keep watch alone cause you can't talk. Come on though; you can help me."

The white dragonet leapt onto my shoulders, tail wrapping around my right arm and claws hooking into my shirt. Already it was his favourite way to ride. I wasn't looking forward to him trying it when he got larger though. I strode out onto the deck and leaned on the rail as I kept watch.

"Yes, you're cute." I scratched between Ruatha's stubby little horns. He responded by licking my hand. Eww, dragon slobber.

"Not that cute. Keep your spit to yourself." I flicked the dragonet on the nose; he whined. Note to self- invest in a squirt bottle for dragon training purposes. Although… Would water in the face bother a baby dragon at all? Was there something else that would work better? As many dragon stories as I'd read, none of them had ever covered training in any detail. Although I'd seen the movie for _How to Train your Dragon_ , but I had no idea if anything it showed would work on Ruatha. And it hadn't been all that detailed anyway.

The wind picked up; a drizzle of rain started to come down. Dark cliffs rose on the horizon, barely visible. The Red Line. "Nami, we're almost there! I hope you have those currents figured out!"

"Just!" The navigator raced out on deck, most of our other crew mates behind her. Nami took note of our position and immediately began shouting orders. "Sanji, steer us five degrees to starboard! Johnny, Yosaku, furl the mainsail! Ghin, keep on the mizzenmast and wait for orders! Zoro, keep an eye on Luffy and Jones to make sure they don't fall off! Once we're caught by the current, we won't be able to go back and fish anyone out!"

Zoro's response to that order was to grumble and grab Luffy by the back of his shirt. The captain, who'd been in the process of climbing onto his special seat, pouted. "But I wanna see!"

"You can see fine from here. Jones! Where'd Usopp go?"

"How should I know?" Probably the cargo hold to find a barrel of rum. "I'm not omniscient, just well-informed."

That earned me an eye roll and a bop on the head from a rubber fist. " _Jones_ …" Luffy whined, "Stop using big words!"

"Sorry Captain."

The sky grew darker as we closed on the Red Line, the cliffs blocking out what little light could get through the clouds. Even with only one sail open, the currents pulled the _Going Merry_ like a toy behind a horse. Nami stood at the prow, shouting the occasional adjustment back as we approached a thin crack in the rocks. I stared up at the cliffs, great walls of basalt and granite that rose higher than the CN Tower. Although, as we got closer, the crack no longer looked so narrow- it was all a matter of perspective, after all. Krieg's galley was much larger than the _Merry_ , and it had fit up the channel.

"We're gonna hit the side!" Johnny's panicked shout made me re-evaluate my thoughts. With a current moving this quickly, even a wide gap could be hard to hit. Of course, Luffy had this. I grabbed the captain's hand as he pulled free of Zoro and ran back towards the vulnerable section of the hull.

"Gum-Gum Balloon!" Rubber inflated between wood and stone. The _Going Merry_ bounced into the channel proper with a great splash. My feet slipped on the deck as I tried to pull the captain back aboard. Zoro saw the stretched arm I was holding and grabbed on as well, adding his own power. Luffy crashed into us, knocking us down with a storm of giggles.

"Yes! We're in!"

"Alright Ghin, furl the mizzen sail now!" Nami yelled. "I don't know what the wind will be like when we get down!"

"Aye-aye Sailing Master."

Puddles formed on the deck; the rain was coming down harder as the mountain channel carried us higher into the clouds. Previously warm air grew cool and clammy. Ruatha squeaked and hid his head under his wings, trying to curl as much of his body as possible underneath my hat. This didn't work well for him; instead, it resulted in a runnel of water splashing off the brim and down the little dragon's tail. He whined in my ear.

Usopp appeared back on deck then, dragging a small barrel with him. The sniper settled his burden in the middle of the deck with a thud. "Hey everyone! I thought we might want a little something to celebrate entering the Grand Line!"

"Yeah!" Luffy bounced over, beaming. Sanji went to the galley to grab some mugs. The cook poured and handed out the drinks, snuffing out his cigarette in a puddle.

"You thought right, Shitty Longnose. That's what I had in mind when I bought this stuff- it's not your average rum."

Luffy leaned in and planted a foot on top of the empty barrel. "To be king of the pirates!" And one by one, the rest of the crew followed suit.

"To be the world's greatest swordsman!"

"To draw a map of the world!"

"To be a brave warrior of the sea!"

"To find the All Blue!"

"To see a man who's actually worthy take the throne!"

"To see the world and protect others!"

"To find my father and protect others!"

"To write a story that'll make people smile!"

"Screeeee!" Ruatha's cry cut the air. The rest of us all kicked the barrel at once; it shattered. A thrill of excitement ran up my spine. Nine people and a dragon, all sopping wet. We had hair running into our eyes, our clothing stuck to our bodies, and Usopp was shivering. Yet this was the start of a crew that would shake the world- and I got to be a part of it. A part of an adventure the likes of which would never have happened to me at home. And as terrifying as it was, I was happy. Excited. My heart raced as I thought of what lay ahead.

"TO THE GRAND LINE!"

Wooden mugs clanked together- what, you thought pirates used porcelain? Even Sanji's love of beautiful things and the kitchen wouldn't allow for impracticalities like that. The rum smelled like sanitizing solution- seventy percent alcohol or thereabouts, I'd guess. I wasn't much of a drinker, but this was a special moment. The taste of the rum made me gag and shiver as I swallowed it. Even when I did drink, I preferred sake or Bailey's.

Zoro chuckled. "Little strong for you, huh?"

"Just not fond of the taste of alcohol. Makes me think of cleaning the bathrooms at a couple of the places I used to work." I shivered again. "Seems like a waste too. As high an alcohol concentration as this has, there's so much else I could do with it."

The bosun raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Killing bacteria and fleas and things; simple explosives; extracting DNA for analysis; cleaning wounds. The usual things you use alcohol for." I shrugged.

"What's DNA?"

That question made me stop and stare. It took a few minutes for me to comprehend the question; as a biology student, I was used to everyone I met at least having a basic understanding of genetic material. DNA was introduced in elementary school where I'd grown up. I shook my head, reminding myself that this world didn't have anything like the school system I was used to. "DNA is… Lets call it a set of tiny blueprints. It's too small for you to see and contains all the information you need to make… you. Everyone's DNA is a little different. So, yours would have the plans for making green hair, while mine would have them for this sort of light brown/dark blonde colour. Among other things."

"Oh. So DNA is why Usopp has a big nose, Johnny's eyes are blue, or you're so short?" The swordsman grinned as he asked his question. Yes, he got it. Still… I scowled.

"You don't have to rub it in!"

I fiddled with my empty mug. Only a few minutes to figure out what to do about Laboon. Not that there was anything I could do to make the whale move, nor did I necessarily want to prevent the _Going Merry_ from being swallowed. What I _did_ want was to keep the figurehead from snapping off. The more damage I could prevent to the ship, the better. Although I didn't think I could save her, but still…

Usopp's shriek broke me out of my thoughts. "Nami! There's a mountain blocking the channel!"

"What? That's not on the charts! Are you sure it's a mountain and not a boulder that fell down?"

"Look at the size of it!"

Everyone ran to the bow. The black wall before us was still well ahead and below, but there was no way around. Dark flesh rose almost as high as the cliffs around us. Something vibrated low beneath the roar of the waves; Luffy covered his ears with a whine.

"Who's crying? Why're you so sad? Tell me where you are; we can help!"

Johnny and Yosaku looked at our captain like he was crazy. I bit my lip and vowed to figure out a way to train kenbunshoku and busoshoku haki soon, if Luffy was experiencing voices this early. Ghin shook his head.

"That's not a mountain or a boulder. It wasn't _there_ last time I came down, but I saw it. A whale."

"Impossible!" Usopp waved at the approaching black wall. "Whales don't get that big. Tell him Jones! Tell Ghin he was just imagining things! You know what that thing is, right?"

"His name is Laboon," I offered. The sniper froze, stunned.

At least the rain was letting up.

"BWAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Laboon's call made me wish for earplugs, so loud and sad. Seriously, why hadn't I thought to buy any sort of hearing protection in Loguetown? Stupid… And I wasn't the only one. Everyone else covered their ears with their hands at the same moment I did, wincing in pain.

"We've gotta stop!" Luffy scrambled down to the gun deck. Seconds later, the _Merry_ 's gun fired with explosive retort. Since everything was already vibrating from Laboon's call, the echo of cannon fire didn't have nearly the same effect as usual.

The whale's response was… underwhelming. A great eye opened above the ship, but Laboon didn't even look interested in us. If the cannonball had hurt him, he didn't show it- there wasn't even any blood. Luffy came bounding back up on deck, drooping when he realized his plan hadn't made the whale move. Although at least the ship was moving a little slower.

Nami hit the captain over the head. "What was that for? Don't waste ammo- it's expensive!"

"Sorry! I thought it would hurt the whale or scare him, make him move!" Luffy pouted as he rubbed fresh bruises.

Ghin shook his head. "I could've told you that wouldn't work. Don Krieg tried to shoot the whale when he came down because he wanted its oil. Not only did it not notice, it sunk another of his ships by accident when it dove." The former Krieg pirate folded his arms and stared up at the immobile leviathan before us.

There was still a minute left. I ran to the bow of the ship. How to get an island whale to move? He'd barely felt a _cannonball_ … Maybe if I could do something with forces… but how? I didn't know what had triggered the explosion yesterday. Well, if that was out, there was only one thing I could do. Hopefully the whale was willing to listen.

"LABOON! COULD YOU PLEASE MOVE? WE'RE GONNA CRASH!" Nothing. Instead of moving, Laboon began to hum loudly, a sad, haunting tone. Tabarnak… Even if I was loud enough, I wasn't getting his attention. But I couldn't sing…

"SERIOUSLY, MOVE! WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF WE WERE THE RUMBAR PIRATES, HUH? JUST SIT THERE AND LET YORKIE AND BROOK AND THEM SMASH INTO YOU? YOU'D BREAK THEIR SHIP AND DROWN THEM! HOW WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAH!" Laboon's answer made my head ache. Assuming he even _was_ answering, and not just crying some more.

Johnny looked at me with concern. "Big Sis… Are you drunk?"

"What? No." I waved him off. "Just because I don't drink often doesn't mean I have a low tolerance. Part Italian, part German; I know my limits, and they're as high as you'd expect from two cultures known for their wine and beer. Why do you ask?"

"You're trying to debate a whale… And he's winning."

"What the Hell? He is not!" I turned back to the whale. "TABARNAK! LABOON! MOVE YOUR GREAT BLUBBERY ARSE! IF YOU KILL US, WE CAN'T SAVE BROOK AND BRING HIM BACK!"

No effect. The _Merry_ met that unforgiving wall of flesh with a mighty crunch, her figurehead snapping back and tumbling across the deck. Usopp caught the ram's head before it could go overboard. I slumped, defeated. If only I'd had more _time_ , had come up with a plan… Why was it so much easier to save Ace than the ship?

Luffy's eyes blazed as he followed the figurehead's flight. "Why-? Ah! Special seat! You'll pay for that! Gum-Gum Pistol!" Rubber snapped out. Unlike the manga, Luffy caught Laboon's lower eyelid rather than the eye itself, so there wasn't as much damage to the whale. Still, unlike everything else we'd tried, at least Laboon noticed _something_ had hit him.

"BWAH?" There was a tremendous splash as Laboon turned and opened his mouth. The _Going Merry_ lurched as that movement created a current, sucking our small ship into the open maw. Peg-like teeth the size of theatre chairs gleamed with the water dripping down their sides.

That lurching motion sent me tumbling over the rail I was leaning on. Ruatha squawked and leapt off my shoulders, racing back aboard as I grabbed desperately at wet wood. Only one of my hands found anything- one of the spindles that supported the rail. The rest of my body slammed into the hull of the ship, knocking the wind out of me and wrenching my wrist. Luffy shouted above me as I released my grip and fell.

"Wah! Jones! Hang on!" It was a little late for that, Captain.

Luffy jumped over the side, one arm snapping down to wrap around my waist. His other soared up and back, missing the _Merry_ 's mast as she continued to lurch forwards. Instead he caught one of Laboon's dorsal ridges, yanking us up. Seconds later, I slammed into wet, warm, wrinkled skin. Island whales must be similar to sperm whales.

"Ow…" I coughed a few times to get my wind back.

Luffy ignored me, peering over the edge of Laboon's head with a scowl. "Oi! Don't eat our friends! Give them back!"

Laboon didn't notice the rubber boy's shouting- that, or didn't care. The whale swung his head slowly back and forth, looking for something. After a moment he let out a loud, disappointed call and turned around, swimming away from the Reverse Mountain. I groaned and rolled to my feet.

"He swallowed the _Merry_?" I asked, just to make sure. Luffy nodded.

"Yeah! We've gotta get them back! Let's fight the whale Jones!"

I blinked. Quite aside from the fact that Laboon was a friend, that was a horrible idea. Two people who couldn't swim trying to fight a giant of the sea, with no big guns and no ship to retreat to… Even _I_ wouldn't bet on those odds, no matter how much faith I had in Luffy. Before I could tell my captain though, the surface we were standing on arched and rolled forwards. Laboon was diving.

"Tabarnak!" I grabbed my captain's hand and ran up the Laboon's tail, looking for the hatch I knew was there. The rubber boy clutched his hat with his free hand and beamed.

"Yay! Jones is getting more comfy with us!"

"Not the time, Captain." Finally! There it was! I opened the hatch and shoved Luffy in, climbing down behind. I barely managed to get it closed before Laboon finished submerging.

Inside, the smell of copper and iron was overpowering. Blood. Despite the metal plates that hid flesh and bone from view, the scent was unmistakeable. Well, at least it was better than what we would've smelled if we'd been stuck in Laboon's guts. I was amazed at the sheer size of the whale, that having all this inside wouldn't hurt him. These passages weren't exactly small; neither Luffy or I was very large, but there was room for us to walk side by side and plenty of space above our heads. Had Sabo been there I doubted he'd have had to duck either, even with his top hat.

Luffy looked around. "Wow. I didn't know whales looked like this inside."

"Most don't. Laboon's special."

"Okay." Luffy tapped at the walls of the passage. "So… If we use these, can we find everyone else and get them out?"

"Yeah, they're in his stomach. I just don't know which way we have to go to get there. Never saw a map."

The problem of which way to go was solved for us a second later as Laboon shifted, sending Luffy and I tumbling through what suddenly became a vertical shaft. Each time I bounced off the walls sent a burst of pain through whatever made contact. Luffy didn't have _that_ problem, but his eyes were spinning and he looked like he was going to vomit. Then we landed in another passage perpendicular to the one we'd just fallen through. Luffy groaned as we got up.

"Eurgh… That wasn't fun at all. What's the whale doing?"

"Ramming his head into the Red Line, hoping that if he can break through, he'll find his friends on the other side." I rubbed my forearms. The motion caught Luffy's eye; he bit his lip.

"The whale's… like Jones? Hurting himself? Poor whale…" Patting the wall of the passage, the rubber boy smiled. "Hey whale! Don't do that, 'kay? If you give us our friends back and let us out, we'll be your friends too. Then you won't have to be alone anymore."

It was too bad Laboon couldn't hear him. The whale needed to hear something like that. As we continued on our way through the man-made passages, Luffy stroked the walls, as if he thought doing so would comfort the whale. My captain also stared curiously at me as we walked along. "Jones… What were you saying to the whale before he swallowed everyone?"

"Oh, that." I shook my head. "The whale's friends… The ones he's waiting for- they're a bunch of wandering singers and musicians who used to call themselves the Rumbar Pirates. I was hoping using some of their names would get his attention, make him move. It didn't work."

Cue the star eyes. I was actually slightly disturbed that not only was I getting used to them, but had started anticipating them. "The whale's friends are musicians? Cool! I wanna recruit them!"

I shook my head again. "I know Captain, I know… But remember what I said? Laboon thinks he has to break through the Red Line to see them again. Which means-?" I paused to give Luffy a chance to figure it out on his own.

His face fell. "We won't see them for ages and ages, will we?"

"Right. Sorry Captain." And sorry Brook. I'd come up with a way to get you out of the Triangle sooner if I could, but as far as I knew it wasn't possible. We wouldn't be in that part of the sea for several months at least.

The metal plating under our feet moved gently with Laboon's pulse; it was kind of creepy. Combined with the scent of blood, I was concerned that stepping too heavily or moving too quickly might hurt the whale. Although from the outside it didn't look like Laboon suffered… Maybe I was worrying too much? But I'd never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to Laboon… I kept my footsteps as light as I could, moving as if I was sneaking up on a deer. After a few minutes Luffy began to copy me, his hunting instincts showing through. What? He and his brothers wouldn't have been able to catch very much food if they couldn't sneak when they needed to, no matter how loud they were at most of the time.

With both of us walking softly and focused on looking for a way to the _Merry_ , the passages were deathly silent. Well, except for the sound of Laboon's heartbeat. One very six seconds; ten beats per minute. Each one made the passages tremble. I wondered where we were in the great whale's body, but there were no landmarks to tell me how far my captain and I had come. No bones, no signs, nothing. Each throbbing heartbeat put me more on edge, until even the sound of Luffy breathing beside me made me want to throttle him. I felt watched- and not by you, dear readers.

There was someone else in the passages with us.

In hindsight, I should've known that. Vivi and Mr Nine had to be around _somewhere_ in order to make their attempt at hunting Laboon. But that fact didn't really register with me until a soft puff of air behind me made my bandanna flutter, and I felt a thin arm wrapping around my neck in a choke hold. So naturally, Vivi and I didn't end up meeting on the best of terms- my first experience with her was her sneaking up and trying to strangle me from behind, and her first experience with me was… Look, I don't react well to being hugged unexpectedly.

As soon as I felt something brush against my bandanna I was spinning, my left elbow coming up and in to strike my attacker's solar plexus. Vivi coughed, her wind momentarily gone. I didn't let her get it back. Still spinning, I brought my other forearm up across her collarbones and pushed, swinging my right leg through the back of hers to take her down. As soon as the princess was on her back, I groped around my utility belt for the first thing that came to hand and hit her over the head with it. Hard. She lost consciousness with a hollow thunk.

Not far from me, Luffy cocked his head to the side in confusion. He was standing over an equally-unconscious Mr Nine. "Jones… Did you just knock her out with a toilet seat?"

What an odd thing to ask. But when I looked at my hand, it turned out that was exactly what I'd hit Vivi with- the marine toilet seat Johnny and Yosaku had given me. Why was I even still carrying that? Eh, didn't matter. I slipped the toilet seat back where I'd grabbed it from- across the base of my spine, like how Ghin carried his tonfa.

"Oops…"

Luffy nudged Mr Nine with his foot. "So… What do we do with these guys? Just leave 'em here or-?"

"No. If we leave them, they'll just get up and keep trying. They're hunting Laboon." Now, where were those bazookas? There they were- propped up against the wall not far away, where they wouldn't get in the way of a stealth kill, but could be retrieved quickly afterwards.

"Really?" Luffy glared. "But the poor whale's waiting for his friends!"

"Well, to be fair, they don't know that." I pulled some duct tape- or rather, the closest thing I'd been able to find in Loguetown's shops- out of my utility belt and used it to bind and gag the prisoners.

"That doesn't make it right!"

"I know. I'm not defending them or anything; just saying I understand."

"Oh. Okay."

We continued on our way, with Luffy carrying Vivi and Mr Nine while I lugged the bazookas around. I really hoped the safeties or whatever were on, if bazookas even _have_ safeties- I don't know how a bazooka works, but I knew that having one fire or blow up or something on my back would be bad.

At some point, Vivi woke up and began glaring at me. This would've been a lot more intimidating if she wasn't hanging over Luffy's shoulder like a sack of potatoes with a strip of tape across her mouth- and also if I didn't know about her secret identity as a princess. I shrugged and snorted, looking away. As much as I wanted to apologize, I couldn't. Not only did my captain not know she was a good guy yet, but she'd tried to choke me. That's _not_ good princess behaviour.

Even without the feeling of being watched, walking through Laboon's innards was still creepy. I was getting used to the smell at least. Or maybe that was my nose getting clogged. Hard to tell. And then came the door. Normally something like this wouldn't be a problem, but Luffy and I both had our hands kind of full. So we spent several minutes staring at the reinforced steel portal in front of us before my captain got the brilliant idea to try just kicking the thing down. It broke off its hinges with a terrific shrieking noise, followed by an immense plop as the fallen door landed in some liquid far below.

"Jones, I think we went the wrong way."

"What?" I suppose that was possible, seeing as I'd never seen a map, but it didn't seem likely. "Why?"

"That looks like sky, not whale, duh."

Peering over Luffy's shoulder, I did indeed see blue and clouds. But the clouds weren't moving, and the light was too yellow and diffuse to come from the sun. I shook my head. "Look down Captain."

He did. "Ah! The water's weird! And there's the _Merry_! Does this mean we're in the whale's belly? Why's there an island over there?"

"Yes, this is the whale's stomach. The water looks weird because it's stomach acid. And that island is actually a large raft built by the same man who did all these passages." Although unlike the corridors used for treating Laboon, I didn't understand the point of having a raft-island floating in the whale's stomach. I doubted there was much you could do from there as far as veterinary treatment. But maybe I was wrong.

"Ah! Okay! Hey guys!" Luffy beamed and bobbed his head, apparently trying to wave at the crew to get their attention. I think his loud voice did it more than any head bobbing. Seconds later came the shrill peal of Nami's response.

"Luffy! Jones! Who'd you- I don't even wanna know. Get your butts down here!"

I was tempted to ask what she wanted us to do with the rest of our bodies, but I didn't. It probably would've led to her punching me, and as much as I was getting used to dodging them, I wanted to give Nami's fists as little chance to impact my skull as possible. I needed every brain cell I had to figure out how my stupid powers were supposed to work. Although… If I'd exploded like an impact dial, it probably had something to do with Newton's three laws of motion. As good a place to start as any.

"Zoro! Catch!" Luffy broke me out of my thoughts by yelling for our bosun, seconds before chucking Vivi and Mr Nine at the _Going Merry_. I was too stunned to even try to stop him. Why would he even try something like that? My mouth fell open, a small noise of confusion making itself heard as I stared. Vivi tried to scream, but all that could be heard through the tape was muffled grunting.

"What the Hell?!" Zoro didn't so much catch the pair Luffy'd thrown as he had the bad fortune of standing right under them when they landed. Although I suppose everyone should've been thankful they hit the ship at all, given how bad the captain's aim was with his Rocket. Speaking of which… A rubber arm wrapped around me.

"Gum-Gum Rocket!" Air whooshed past my face, reeking of acid and bile. While Luffy bounced across the ship, I slammed into the stairs to the poop deck. As with a few impacts recently, it didn't hurt as much as it should've. This time I paid attention to that. Following the impact there was a feeling of… tension, for lack of a better term. It disappeared quickly, leaving a faint coil of… _something_ curled in the pit of my stomach.

"Where were you idiots?" Nami swung at us. I ducked under her fist; Luffy took his blow with a pout.

"Ne, it's not my fault Nami! Jones got thrown off; I had to catch her! And then the whale dove so we went in its tail so we didn't drown!"

Ruatha came charging along the deck and leapt onto me as I stood, little claws digging into my shoulders and chest. Ow. He may have been small for a dragon, but he was still too big for that to be comfortable. A slimy tongue danced over my face as my partner squawked and cooed. Johnny and Yosaku nudged the prisoners with their feet and looked at me and Luffy.

"So… Who're these?"

"Secret agents who're trying to kill Laboon in order to feed their village of spies and bounty hunters." I finally managed to pry my dragon off my face, getting him up into his usual place on my shoulders. Stubborn little… Now I was covered in dragon spit again. Gross. Vivi's eyes lit up with shock and fear at my words.

A door creaked open somewhere above; Crocus emerged from the room he used to sedate Laboon. He frowned when he saw four new people on the _Going Merry_. "Where'd you kids come from? And why're those hunters from Whiskey Peak with you?"

"They snuck up on Jones'n me, so we caught them!" Luffy informed the flower-man gleefully. "Jones says they're tryna kill the whale, but that's too sad. He can't die while he's waiting for his friends!"

Crocus frowned and jumped back to his island raft, a feat of strength that hinted at his past as a member of the Roger Pirates. Acid splashed and slopped as the raft rocked. "How did you know that?" He snatched up a harpoon and slid into a fighting stance.

Luffy… _You and your big mouth_. I facepalmed. Ghin stepped in front of me, arms folded as he stared at Crocus. "Jones is our witch- she knows a lot of things people think she shouldn't. You got a problem with that?"

"A witch?" Crocus' scowl deepened. "What do you mean by that? What sort of _things_ does she know?"

"Many things." I moved beside Ghin, staring at the deck. Crocus terrified me- but at the same time, this opportunity was just too perfect. The tonfa wielder unfolded his arms in order to grab and squeeze my hand, lending me extra courage. "Things that were… Things that are… Things that have yet to pass… And somethings that, gods willing, may never be."

Blue eyes narrowed in my direction, cautious and thoughtful. "Voice of All Things?" The flower-man's voice was barely a whisper. I shook my head.

"N-not me. Captain can hear it though, even if he doesn't know what it means yet."

That made Crocus' narrowed eyes widen. He glanced at Luffy; his whole face changed at the sight of the straw hat. Recognition. Confusion. Amusement. Crocus shifted from hostile to chuckling at the sight of the headgear, dropping his harpoon and straightening. "Well, well, well… Maybe we should talk about this more outside."

Oars came out of the sides of Crocus raft. He led us out through a set of locks in Laboon's side- better than using the digestive tract. Quite aside from the _smell_ that would've existed inside a whale's guts, it would've taken long enough to get out that we could've lost our ship. An adult human's combined intestines are about seven and a half meters long; a sperm whale's come to a hundred and fifty meters, and a blue whale's come to two hundred and twenty. Given the size of Laboon, he could have guts a couple of _kilometers_ long. And that's just the length… Imagine how hard those twisty things would be to navigate. Yes, I'm very glad we didn't have to leave that way.

I hadn't noticed how shallow my breathing was until the smell of bile and acid was overpowered by that of the sea, sunlight blinding me after the dim yellow light inside. Air! Sweet free air! My lungs felt like they were burning with the salty coolness. Glancing around at my crew mates showed similar reactions.

Crocus led us over to the cape lighthouse, where we moored the _Going Merry_ alongside his island raft. We all made our way up to the top of the cape, where Crocus had a large picnic area outside. Sanji brought up the Elephant Bluefin tuna and began grilling it on the lighthouse barbeque. It smelled delicious. While our cook was working, the rest of us sat at the picnic table with Crocus; we brought Vivi and Mr Nine up as well, leaving them off to one side. The princess glared at all of us; her partner was still unconscious. That was expected- Luffy hits a lot harder than I do.

"So…" Crocus rested his elbows on the table, lacing his fingers under his chin. "Your captain can hear the Voice of All Things, and you have a witch who claims to know Laboon's story. And the little captain also has _my_ old captain's hat. I take it you've met Shanks, then?"

"You know Shanks?" Luffy bounced in place, shaking the table. Zoro shook his head and placed a hand on the captain's shoulder, holding him down. "You were on Shanks' crew?"

The old man chuckled. "Not exactly. Shanks and I were on the same crew a long time ago, back when that brat was just a cabin boy. Captain Roger gave Shanks that hat not long after I joined up."

"Roger…?" Luffy was silent for a moment. Then his eyes turned into stars. "YOU MEAN YOU AND SHANKS WERE ON THE PIRATE KING'S CREW?!"

My ears rang from my captain's shout. The rest of our crew just stared, stunned. Well, it's not every day you meet someone from such a notorious group- despite the fact that our recent encounters with Dragon and Garp might have you believe otherwise. Crocus dug in his ear with a finger for a moment, probably to buy himself time while his hearing returned to normal.

"Yes. I was the doctor on Roger's great voyage." The flower-man sighed. "I sailed with them to try and find news of Laboon's crew that your witch mentioned. They'd come through a couple decades before."

"A couple decades before the voyage of the pirate king?" Zoro snorted. "They're dead then."

"Indeed- they'd died years before Captain Roger set out to sea. But Laboon refuses to believe me, and keeps ramming his head into the Red Line in the hopes that he'll find them on the other side." Crocus sighed. "And that's not even the worst part. Before death, they fled the Grand Line through one of the Calm Belts. They didn't even _try_ to keep their promise."

I dug my fingernails into the picnic table and grit my teeth, indignation shooting up my spine. Even if I hadn't met Brook yet- even if he hadn't become _real_ to me yet- he was part of this crew. And _no one_ insulted this crew. Ruatha growled as he picked up on my emotions. I schooled my face to appear neutral as everyone turned to look at the dragonet, not wanting to give anything away. Or rather, I wanted to say something, but I wasn't comfortable with the idea of talking back to Crocus. And no, what I said to him a few minutes before didn't count. Luffy frowned. "Jones, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." The rubber boy stared at me, not believing the word. I sighed. "Never mind, Captain. Spoilers."

"Oh."

There were several minutes of awkward silence, punctuated only by the sizzling sounds of Sanji's cooking. Then Nami grew impatient and pulled a log pose from somewhere in her shirt, dangling it in front of me. It was different than the one she'd had in canon, sturdier. Glass even thicker than my glasses was encased in a mesh of fine wire, with another layer of mesh on the inside. The strap was thick, black leather. "So Jones… How do I use this? It can't be as simple as it just pointing to the next island."

Shrugging, I gestured towards the old lighthouse keeper. "Ask Crocus. I don't actually know how to use one, only that we need it. Which reminds me… Someone should search the prince and princess. They'll be less likely to try and escape if we take their log pose."

Nami stared at me for a moment, blinking slowly. Then her hand edged down towards her thigh, coming up a second later with a section of her staff that she brought towards my head. I barely got one of my sais up in time to block. "What was that for?"

"IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THAT, WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING ALREADY?!"

"I forgot!" Ducking under another strike from the navigator, I got up from my seat and went over to Vivi and Mr Nine. The princess glared at me, eyes wide, and shook her head as I approached. I shrugged at the gesture.

"Sorry. If it helps, this makes me uncomfortable too." Understatement. I hated touching people I didn't know. But it had to be done. I started with Mr Nine, because he was unconscious and that was slightly less awkward. Or at least, I thought it would be. As it turned out, having Vivi stare at me while I patted her partner down and searched through his clothes was _very_ awkward. Mr Nine's green coat contained nothing of interest; the only thing he had on him at the moment was his crown, which Nami examined and then tossed aside with a snort of disgust.

"Coloured glass in a brass setting," she explained when I shot her a confused look. "It's worthless."

Vivi grunted and squirmed when I turned towards her. The disguised princess' wiggling was confusing and seemed counterintuitive at first- if she was worried about me doing inappropriate things, she should stay still so I didn't touch anything I wasn't supposed to by accident. It was only when I started feeling dizzy that I realized she was trying to use her swirly hypno-corset on me. I shook myself to clear my mind and poked her in the forehead.

"Stop that Princess. This'll be a lot less awkward for both of us if you just hold still. Otherwise I might be sick while searching you, and that won't be fun for anybody."

My words had their intended effect. Vivi froze, her eyes so wide that I swore she was going to hurt herself. Even with her sitting still, patting down a girl who was seven years younger than me- but much better endowed- was… Awful. I felt intrusive and unclean, especially once I realized that her log pose was concealed in her bra. Her short shorts didn't help either. I retrieved the log pose quickly and tossed it to Nami, rubbing my hands on my pants as I backed away from the Baroque Works agents.

"For future reference, I'm _not_ doing that again."

"Why not?" Luffy cocked his head to one side. I rolled my eyes. _Of course_ the captain wouldn't understand; he had no sense of personal space, let alone the more adult things that could be linked to it.

"Captain… She's seven years younger than me, _very_ well endowed, and I basically just groped her." My face heated up as I gestured vaguely towards Vivi's chest. "That's about fifty shades of wrong."

"Really?" He still didn't get it.

" _Yes_. Vivi's even younger than you- someone my age doing something like that… I'm pretty sure it's illegal- definitely is where I come from. Even if I didn't mean it that way." I couldn't bring myself to address the situation head on, talking around it in circles. And then I froze, realizing what I'd said.

The disguised princess was looking at me with even more horror than before. She was sweating; her wide eyes had gone pale, and her whole body shook. Muffled squeaking noises forced their way out from behind her tape gag. Ruatha croaked in the ensuing silence. Ghin looked from me to our prisoners and back.

"So… Turquoise girl is important, is she?"

"Ehehe… Yeah… Oops…" Not that I was really bothered by having blurted out the princess' name in front of my crew- but the fact that Crocus was right there showing Nami how to use a log pose _was_ troubling. The flower-man paused to look at me with a raised eyebrow.

"So she really _is_ a witch," he said, glancing at the look of sheer terror on Vivi's face.

Luffy came over and patted the princess on the shoulder. "Aw, don't feel bad. Jones knows almost everything."

"That's not what's bothering her." I shook my head at my captain. "She's worried that I'm working for her boss and I'll tell him who she really is. Which I never would," I informed Vivi as gently as I could. "Crocodile's an asshole; I'd never work for someone like that."

Thud. Vivi actually fainted, hearing me throw that out so casually. Oops. Oh well, she'd get over it. I twitched as I noticed everyone else staring at me. "What?"

Johnny and Yosaku fidgeted. "Big Sis… By Crocodile, you don't mean… Sir Crocodile of Alabasta? One of the Seven Warlords of the Sea?"

"Crocodile of the Shichibukai, yes." I gestured towards the princess and her partner. "He runs Baroque Works, the organization those two belong to. It's a group of bounty hunters, thieves, assassins, and similar. Most members don't even know their partner's name, let alone Crocodile's; he prefers to go by Mr Zero."

"Huh." Zoro folded his arms. "I know those guys- they tried to recruit me once. I told 'em I wouldn't work for a man who wouldn't show his face."

"Sounds like a shitty bastard," Sanji huffed as he brought food to the table. Everyone dug in, the typical squabble starting as Luffy tried to snatch extra fish from other people's plates. And it was definitely fish worth fighting for. The Elephant Bluefin Tuna was tender and flaky, and the sauce Sanji had made for dipping it in was a delicious sweet-and-sour that I was honestly tempted to just eat on its own with a spoon. As it was, I was using my fork to rap Ruatha on the snout whenever he tried to sneak something off my plate, similar to what the others were doing to Luffy. Crocus chuckled as our captain got his hand stabbed by Ghin's knife.

"You kids remind me of my old crew. Your captain even looks a little like Roger did when he was young- but you're probably tired of hearing that."

"Not really." Usopp shook his head and dumped a packet of hot sauce onto his tuna to discourage thieving by our captain. "No one's ever said that before; we didn't even know the hat belonged to someone else before Shanks."

"He never told me," Luffy explained with his mouth full. Nami hit the rubber boy over the head for being rude; he didn't notice.

"Well, it's true." The old lighthouse keeper smiled. "Your little captain looks like mine, and your crew acts just like some of the best pirates I've ever known. I expect I'll be seeing great things from you kids someday."

Ghin huffed- probably offended at being included as one of the kids when he was the oldest by several years. Before he could say anything though, Laboon's voice cut the air. "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

I clapped my hands over my ears on reflex. This left my food unguarded, giving Ruatha a chance to snatch my last piece of fish. My crew mates all had their hands over their ears as well- the whale's cry was _loud_. Yosaku looked down at the water, where Laboon was staring at the cliff as if preparing to ram it again.

"Is there a way to stop him? Poor Big Bro Laboon's gonna kill himself!"

Luffy jumped to his feet. I cringed, my chest aching at the damage that was about to come to the _Merry_ , her mainmast ripped off to fight a whale. Only… The captain didn't run down to the ship. Instead he looked at me like he expected me to join him and do something. What? Since when had I given him the impression that I was in any way capable of fighting a whale? But when he spoke, it turned out that wasn't what he wanted at all.

"Jones… You said the whale's old friends were musicians, right? So he likes it when people sing?"

"Yeah…" I frowned, confused. Luffy grinned. But I wasn't Zoro; I couldn't read his mind. "Captain… What're you planning?"

"We've gotta be the whale's new friends- that mean's someone's gotta sing for him! That'll make him happy, so he'll stop hurting himself- right?" Luffy glanced at my forearms, his grin suddenly dying down. I couldn't answer, twinges of phantom pain running over my skin. It was never quite that simple… Although in canon, Laboon recovered fairly easily after Luffy's promise to return, so maybe…

I rubbed my arms as everyone else stared at our captain. Zoro nodded, as if that logic made perfect sense to him. Johnny raised his hand like a nervous elementary schooler answering a question. "Um… Big Bro, for that to work, don't we need someone who can sing? Yosaku and I, we're… pretty awful. Big Bro Zoro can vouch for us."

"It's true- they are. Me too. Still think it's a good plan though."

Usopp shook his head when Luffy looked at him. "Nu-uh. I may be awesome, but Kaya used to tell me my singing sounded like someone strangling a gull."

"Nami?" Luffy was getting desperate now, his eyes wide and his perpetual grin replaced by a pout. If Ace or Sabo had been here, they'd be down on the beach singing to Laboon already. The navigator smiled in a vaguely threatening way and tilted her head to the side.

"It'll cost you a thousand beri per song." Really? She'd even ask for money in a situation like this? Then again, this was Nami. If given the chance, she would've put Zoro so deep in debt his children would never be able to pay it off over a weapon purchase- despite knowing he was most effective with three swords. By her standards, a thousand beri per song was barely a charge at all.

"Jones?"

I shook my head. "Nope. If I do it, Laboon will bash his head against the mountain to try and escape."

"Sanji?"

"I only sing for women, Shitty Rubber."

Ghin shook his head and stood, sighing. "All of you- really? Have you never been to a fucking bar? You don't need to be able to sing _well_ to have fun. I'll do it, Don Luffy."

The captain's eyes turned to stars. He jumped onto Ghin's shoulders, beaming. "Really? Yay! Ghin can sing! Does that mean you're a musician?"

"Hell no! I just know a few sea shanties is all, same as any sailor worth his salt." Ghin pried Luffy off of him and stomped down to the beach. The rest of us followed, curious. I wondered if he would do _Bink's Sake_ , bringing it into the story far too early. It was the only _One Piece_ sea shanty I knew; it would make sense for my writer to use it. So when the former Krieg pirate opened his mouth, I was shocked at the words that came out.

"Oh, ships will come and ships will go,

As long as the waves do roll;

Each sailor lad, likewise his dad,

Will love the flowing bowl.

Afloat or ashore, they do adore,

A lass that's plump and round

When the money's gone 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down.

Singing hi, laddie, ho, laddie,

Swing the capstan 'round,

When the money's gone, 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down."

It was a song about the rotating reception of sailors in the dockside bars, booted out when they ran out of money in favour of the lower but steadier revenue provided by local farmers and craftsmen. No, I'd never heard it before, but the lyrics were easy enough to follow- Jack was slang for a sailor, the flowing bowl was alcohol at a bar, and the rest… Easy. A simple rhythm, made for dancing and stomping on a hard wood floor. Not necessarily pirate music, but something that wouldn't be out of place on a ship or dock, fiddles twanging in the background.

"A sheath-knife and sou'wester

Are staunch old friends at night;

A glass o'grog, in rain or fog,

Will steer a sailor right.

From old Dressrosa to Alabasta,

We scatter beri round

When the money's gone, 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down.

Singing hi, laddie, ho, laddie,

Swing the capstan 'round,

When the money's gone, 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down."

For someone whose speaking voice was so rough and dark, Ghin had a decent singing voice. Certainly better than mine. Not that he'd ever make it on a stage the way Brook would, but… Laboon seemed to be enjoying it, at least. The whale was no longer facing the Red Line, instead staring at the shore with huge eyes. Waves lapped at the sand as Laboon bobbed back and forth in some whale version of dancing.

"Go take a cruise on a man o'war

To Elbaf or Totland;

In Wano there are maidens fair,

Who love a sailor man;

While Tom and Joe palaver oh,

And buy the girls a gown;

When the money's gone, 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down.

Singing hi, laddie, ho, laddie,

Swing the capstan 'round,

When the money's gone, 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down."

Ghin was enjoying himself too. Where his expression usually swung back and forth between a sardonic smirk and a small frown, now he was smiling like he meant it. The contrast was shocking. Over the time he'd been with us, the former Krieg pirate had changed a lot. Gone were the bags under his eyes and the appearance of greasy starvation; the Great Dane had become a wolf. Like when he took off his headband, his smile made Ghin look younger. Freer.

"When Jack's ashore, oh, then he steers,

To some old boarding house;

He's welcomed in with rum and gin,

And fed on pork and scouse;

He'll spend and lend, and ne'er offend,

'Til he's lying drunk on the ground

When the money's gone, 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down.

Singing hi, laddie, ho, laddie,

Swing the capstan 'round,

When the money's gone, 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down."

At some point in the song, Luffy, Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku had migrated up onto Laboon's head. They danced arm in arm as the whale bobbed back and forth, forming a sloppy kick line. Odd, since what they were doing wasn't anywhere near a can-can. But if it made them happy… And while they didn't know the whole song, the four seemed to enjoy belting out the chorus at the top of their lungs every time Ghin reached it. Luffy and Usopp were sharp, while the hunters were so flat it was painful. Zoro kept digging in his ear with a finger, as if hoping that would somehow get the four of them on key. It didn't work.

"When Jack is old and weather-beat,

Too weak to roust about;

They let him stop in some rum shop,

At eight bells, he's turned out;

He cries, he cries up to the skies,

I'll soon be homeward bound;

For my money's gone, 'tis the same old song,

Get up, Jack; John, sit down!"

"BWAOH! BWAOH!" Laboon slapped his tail up and down in a whale version of applause, nearly dislodging the dancers on his head. Luffy stretched and sprung them back to the beach with a giggle, holding his hat with one hand. The rubber boy grinned as he patted Ghin on the shoulder.

"That was great! The whale loved it! Thanks Ghin!"

"Any time, Don." The former Krieg pirate's smile morphed back into one of his usual smirks. He folded his arms and looked up at the whale as everyone waited with baited breath to see what would happen. Laboon stared down at us with his giant eyes, his mouth open in a toothy smile. I'd never seen a whale smile before, wasn't even sure how it was possible, but it was one of the most adorable things I'd ever seen. Sorry Ruatha, you just got demoted. Not that I expected my dragon to take long to reassert his position as cutest carnivore on the seas.

"Where'd you learn that song?" I edged over to Ghin, curious. He shrugged.

"Dockside bars. Where else? I picked up a lot of things while waiting around for some drunk to drop his guard so I could mug 'em. When I was a kid, there was a merchant ship that came through every summer from somewhere on the Grand Line; the quartermaster was fond of me and sang that song whenever he'd had too much gin." Ghin reached up and played with one of his earrings. "Old man taught me how to shoot and tie knots in exchange for protection from the other Red Dragonets."

"BWAH BAO!" Ghin stopped and sputtered as a slap of enormous flukes sent water splashing up over the beach. Our entire crew was soaked.

Luffy stretched out to pat Laboon's scarred face. "Saa… I know your old friends are gone, but we'll be your friends now, 'kay? So don't hurt yourself anymore; I don't like it when my friends hurt." There was a little bit of blood on his hand when he pulled back. Laboon crooned sadly.

The captain shook his head. "No, we can't stay. We've got a lot of stuff we've gotta do, so we need to sail around the world. I'm gonna be king of the pirates someday! But we'll come back and see you when we're done, 'kay? We can tell you stories about all the places we go."

"BOOOOOOOOOO…" Laboon's eyes drooped. Luffy bit his lip.

"I don't think so…" The rubber boy sighed, then perked up and looked at me. "Unless… Jones, can we bring him with us?"

"Eh?" I froze. What? There was… Actually no reason I could think of that we couldn't, except that it hadn't been done in canon. Laboon was large, capable of defending himself. Although there _was_ Fishman Island… But I was pretty sure there were whales there so there must be a way for them to breathe, and if island whales _were_ like sperm whales, he could go very deep for a long time. He wouldn't be able to participate in any adventures on shore though…

"No, I don't think it's a good idea Captain. Any time we make land, he'll be alone with the ship for however long it takes us to do what we're there for- which could be a few weeks sometimes. It wouldn't be fair to him."

"Aww… Too bad…" Luffy reached out to pat Laboon again. "Sorry whale… Hey, Usopp! Do you still have paint from when you did our flag?"

"Yeah, a little. Why?"

"Can you paint our Jolly Roger on his head?"

The gunner frowned, confused, even as he walked towards the _Merry_ to get his paints. "Yeah… But why?"

"So we can find him again." Luffy looked Laboon in the eyes as he spoke. "Lots of whales look the same, so we need to know which one's our friend. Which means he can't bash his head on rocks anymore- if he does, he'll wipe our Jolly Roger off and we won't know it's him."

Usopp nodded and disappeared into the ship. A few minutes later he reappeared, carrying buckets of red, white, and gold paint; a large paintbrush stuck out of his pocket, while a small one was tucked behind his ear. The smell made my nose wrinkle- oil paints. But they were less likely to wash off than anything else. Laboon cringed as Usopp began painting our mark; the paint stung his open wounds. But the whale didn't pull away, even when Usopp paused to let him.

I moved closer to stroke Laboon while the gunner worked. Water swirled around my knees, sapping my strength- it made me feel like a noodle, like after sitting in a hot tub for too long. Just in front of my feet was a steep drop off, explaining how something as large as Laboon could come so close to shore. I patted the whale's fin, cooing at him too quietly for anyone else to hear.

"You're such a brave whale, yes you are. That paint must hurt so much… Such a good boy. And you know what? Crocus is wrong. Brook's still alive, and he didn't run; he's trapped right now, but we're gonna find him and bring him home. So next time you see us, you'll get to see him too. And Brook wouldn't want you to hurt yourself any more than Luffy does, eh? So you've gotta be a good boy."

"BWAH?" Laboon's questioning cry almost tossed Usopp off his face. The gunner glared down at me.

"What did you say to him?!"

"Spoilers!" I crowed. Laboon was warm and rubbery and firm, kind of like a boot with a pulse. The whale raised his flipper enough that I could hug it- not that I could get my arms all the way around, but I tried.

"Shra!" Ruatha chirped from my shoulder, voice full of indignation. The little dragon was jealous of the attention I was paying to the whale. He leaned forwards to try and snap at Laboon's flipper; I grabbed his jaws and held them closed before he could.

"No, Ruatha, we don't bite friends." I backed away from Laboon to keep my little ball of scales from trying anything again. Naughty… I should probably get training him sooner rather than later. Ruatha was already the size of a _very_ large cat; if I waited too long, he could hurt someone.

Nami wandered back up to the picnic table as Usopp painted. She pulled a chart out of her shirt and unrolled it on the table- the map of Paradise she'd stolen from Buggy. Several minutes passed as the navigator examined the chart and the log pose; after a while, she huffed and tossed a rock at Luffy. The captain turned away from supervising Usopp, his head spinning around while his body stayed in place.

"Huh? What's up Nami?"

"There's a bunch of different ways we can go from here- come pick one so I know which magnetic field to log on the pose."

"Oh." Luffy jumped up, his body snapping around to face the same way as his head as he bounded towards the navigator. "Um…" The captain's face turned red as he stared at the map, unable to decide where he wanted to go. "They all look the same! How'm I supposed to know where the best adventure is?"

Tabarnak. Vivi and Mr Nine were both still out, unable to beg us to take them home. I was torn. Should I tell Luffy about Whiskey Peak, ask him to go that way? Plot-wise, yes, but it wasn't my place… I edged over to the captured agents and tried to nudge Mr Nine awake with my foot, but he didn't respond. Luffy must've hit him _hard_. I tried Vivi next. She twitched awake, sitting up with a glare. Crouching, I gripped the edge of her tape gag.

"Sit still. This is gonna sting a bit." I ripped the tape off before Vivi could answer. She flinched, her face turning red where the tape had been.

"What the fuck?" Kudos to her for keeping up her Baroque Works persona, despite knowing I knew who she was. "How the Hell do you know my name? Who are you? I demand you release me at once!"

"Careful Princess; your noble blood's showing."

Vivi froze and paled as I removed any doubt about what I knew about her. She continued to glare, panic filling her eyes. I sighed. In the ringing silence that followed, I realized that everyone was watching us, Usopp's painting complete. Zoro frowned.

"What're you doing Jones? Didn't you gag her for a reason?"

"Um… Not really? It was reflex when I tied her up." Clearly I'd watched too many spy movies over the last few years. "We actually need her to talk."

"I won't tell you anything!" Vivi made an awkward attempt to bite my hand. I pulled back, then poked her in the forehead.

"That won't work. You're nowhere near as fast as my- my cat. Besides, we're not interrogating you- I probably know more about Crocodile than you do anyway."

"What? How? Who are you? Why did you capture us?"

"In order: stuff, none of your business, we're the Straw Hat pirates, and you tried to strangle me from behind. Plus we couldn't let you kill Laboon."

"But- but our village needs the whale's meat! It'll feed us for at least a year!" I wasn't sure if Vivi was trying to play me, or if she just didn't know what else to say. Either way, I was amazed she'd lasted as long as she had as a spy. Although I suppose I did have an unfair advantage.

Zoro scowled. "Cut the crap. Jones knows your name- that means you're more than just a run-off-the-mill thief or bounty hunter."

"Oi! Moss Head! Don't talk to ladies that way!" Sanji jumped at the swordsman and booted him in the head. Zoro responded by growling and drawing his swords. The pair began to squabble, words occasionally rising over the clash and thump of steel and flesh.

"Quit flirting with the enemy, Shit Cook!"

"She might not _be_ an enemy, stupid Moss Head!"

"Will you two shut up?" Ghin clubbed the bosun and the cook over their heads. Nami rubbed her temples and sighed.

"Thank you Ghin. Now Jones… Why did you take her gag off?"

"Eh? Um… I- I don't know if it counts as a spoiler or not, so I don't know if I should say?" Honestly, I was horribly confused. This wasn't going the way I'd expected _at all_. I shrank in on myself as everyone stared at me. Ruatha chirped and chewed on the brim of my hat.

"What the Hell?! Idiot!" Nami stomped over me, snapping her staff together as she came. I pulled mine out to block before she could crack me over the head. "Would it kill you to think things through for once?"

"Hey! I think lots of things through! This one's just hard- how was I supposed to say ' _Hey guys, we need to pick Whiskey Peak because Vivi's a princess and we've gotta save her kingdom from Crocodile, plus we won't meet our doctor and archaeologist unless we take that route'_?"

A cricket chirped in the ensuing silence. Vivi fainted again, falling over with a thump. Johnny cleared his throat. "Um… Maybe like that?"

Yosaku slapped his partner upside the head. "Smart ass…"

Nami pulled back. I eyed her cautiously, staff ready to block if she tried to come after me again. So focused was I on the navigator, I didn't notice the captain sneaking up behind me until a fist collided with the back of my head. Luffy's punch sent me flying across the cape; I tumbled to a stop upside down against the lighthouse.

Spinning, spinning, spinning… Such pretty dancing lights. I tried to catch them, but they were moving too fast. It took several minutes to notice people staring at me. Biting my lip, I rolled to my feet and stared at the ground. "Sorry…"

"Why're you sorry? I didn't even tell you why I punched you yet!"

"Does it matter? Either you're mad at me for spoilers, or for overstepping boundaries and telling you where we should go. Possibly both. No matter what it is, I should apologize."

"All wrong!" Wait, what? Luffy stared at me as if I was stupid. I cringed. "I'm mad cause you didn't speak up sooner! You know which way the adventures are- why didn't you say anything?"

"Um… Because you're the captain, so it's _your_ decision where we go. And Nami's the sailing master, so she's in charge of figuring out how to get there. It wasn't my place to say anything. Besides, I'm not supposed to spoil things for you."

"It's not a spoiler if you only tell us _where_ adventures are." Luffy nodded, pleased with his own logic. He probably just didn't want to have to think about things anymore. For someone who was portrayed as a brainless goof, the rubber boy was good at twisting things to get his way.

I sighed. What an awkward way to do this scene. My writer would've had a much easier time if she didn't have Luffy and I encounter the Baroque Works agents so early, or if we hadn't knocked them out, or if I hadn't gagged them, or if I could keep my big mouth shut. Oh well, too late now. And maybe she had a reason for some of those things. "If you say so, Captain. But yes, starting with Whiskey Peak is best as far as I know. The other ways might have adventures, but we'd miss at least two important crew mates, and there might be more competition. You're not the only rookie captain after the title of Pirate King, and since I didn't see any of them on the Whiskey Peak route in the story, I assume they must be on the other ones."

Luffy's eyes lit up, little glowing stars of determination. "And someday I'll kick _all_ their asses!"

"Aye-aye Captain."

Nami huffed, fiddling with the log pose. "Alright, I'll set it for Whiskey Peak. It'll take a little while though, so I hope everyone has something to do."

The rest of the crew nodded. Vivi stared at us, confused. She was trembling so badly, I thought she might fly apart. Questions that she didn't quite know how to ask danced in her eyes. I didn't try to answer them. Instead, I pulled out my tape and strode back towards the princess. "Sorry, but if you wanna keep your cover for as long as possible, I have to gag you again."

"What? But you just removed- Mph!" Dark grey eyes glared up at me as I covered the princess' mouth with a fresh strip of tape.

"If your partner wakes up and sees that we're letting you talk or walk around or anything, he might get suspicious." I shrugged. "And maybe I'm still a little angry about the bit where you tried to strangle me. Cover or not, that was un-called-for and un-princess-like, and I'm pretty good at holding a grudge."

While I couldn't understand what Vivi tried to say in response, I could sort of guess from the tone. Probably something along the lines of "you bitch" or "fuck you." Or, if she was in a princess mood now instead of a Baroque Works one… Actually, I couldn't think what Vivi might say if she was being her usual polite self. She'd probably never gotten into this sort of situation as a princess for it to apply.

Well, there were a couple hours to kill now before we could set off. Usopp climbed aboard the _Merry_ and headed for the hold, likely to get supplies to repair her figurehead; Johnny and Yosaku began fiddling with something, while Sanji cleaned up, Zoro dozed, and Luffy bugged Crocus into telling him stories about Gol D Roger. Despite it being too soon after dinner to spar comfortably, I grabbed Ghin. He raised his eyebrows as I drew him over to the picnic table. I sighed, patting Ruatha with one hand.

"Sorry. I left it too long. I said I'd teach you to read, but I haven't worked on your letters with you at all."

"It's fine. I've lasted this long without knowing; a little more won't hurt me. So… How do we start?" The former Krieg pirate's tone said that despite genuine interest, he was primarily humouring me.

"Well, I should probably make sure you know your alphabet first. Do you?" When Ghin shook his head, I bit my lip and pushed on. "Okay then… Um, one moment. How did my grandma do this?" It was hard to remember; I'd been so young… Eh, maybe I'd just go with the usual way. It was less fun, but I doubted my grandmother's method would mean anything here.

I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote each of the letters, capital and small, as I sang the alphabet song. Ghin stared, rubbing his ears. "Geeze Jones, you weren't kidding about not being able to sing."

"Sorry…"

"It's fine. Nobody can be good at everything. So…" Ghin recited the alphabet back to me, pointing at each letter in turn. I nodded.

"And the next step is… Um… Sorry, I don't teach much, and it's been a long time since I learned this." I ground my knuckles into my head as I tried to remember. "I think… I could read before I could write, so the next step is probably which sounds go with which letters."

"No rush." Ghin shook his head. "Take as much time as you need to figure it out. Like I said, I've gotten by this far without reading- a few more weeks won't kill me. You might though. Have you even _started_ trying to figure out your Devil Fruit?"

"Maybe… I have some ideas. But how does that translate as me killing you?"

Smirking, Ghin poked me in the forehead the way I'd been doing to Vivi. "Because if you can't control it, you could lose control and hit your crew. Don Luffy's bad enough, with his thing for Rocketing people around and slamming them into stuff, and he's had his for… I dunno how long."

"Ten years." I removed Ruatha from my shoulders and placed him on the picnic table, putting my hat on his head. The dragonet chirped gleefully. "Is this you saying you're willing to help me play with this?"

"Depends what I have to do, but maybe."

"I need you to beat me up."

"What?" Ghin frowned. "How'll that help anything?"

"It just will. Trust me." I settled into a defensive stance. "And I know you won't like listening to this, but please don't hold back."

My sparring partner's frown deepened. "You're right- I don't like it. I don't want to hurt you. And even if the Force-Force Fruit protects you somehow, how'll I know when to stop?"

I winced as I thought back to the explosion when I was fighting Eric. The first step to figuring out how to control this was to know where the limit was, how much I could contain and control. "Don't worry, you'll know."

"If you're sure…" Ghin stared dubiously at me, but set himself in a fighting stance. There was a brief period of hesitation before he started hitting me. Shoulder, chest, stomach… Request to beat me up or no, Ghin was avoiding my head. He was also holding back, although he slowly increased power when he realized that I wasn't taking damage or being pushed back the way he expected.

It was a hard fight against my instincts not to block or dodge. Although… I'd been blocking Eric when I exploded, so that was probably alright. A hit like the one that had folded me over Ghin's arm at the _Baratie_ slammed into me; I wheezed, but held my ground. Mild nausea was starting to coil in the pit of my stomach. I focused on the feeling, trying to estimate force build-up based on how hard and how often my partner was hitting me. It was hard. I couldn't remember enough of the math, so I had to rely on just feeling. Which would probably be more efficient in a fight anyways, once I got some experience.

Then the nausea peaked as Ghin slammed a fist into my stomach. A soundless explosion threw both of us backwards; my partner stumbled and fell on his ass, while I flew backwards over the edge of the cape. Tabarnak. Okay, most important thing to do- I needed to make sure I could direct the force I released into my opponent, rather than having most of it come back at _me_. Otherwise this fruit was just a hazard.

My back hit the bay first, a beautiful, painful flop. I got the wind knocked out of me and was unable to get it back as water poured into my mouth and nose. Reds faded out to blue and green, an uncomfortably familiar sight. Struggling, trying to swim, only made me tired. And then something wrinkly and warm rose beneath me. I broke the surface seconds later, immediately rolling over and hacking up water. Laboon. The whale must've seen me fall in and come to get me.

"Thanks. You're such a good boy Laboon. You used to do this for Brook, didn't you?"

"BWAH!"

The whale moved as close to shore as he could to let me off. I slid into the knee-deep water, patting his flipper on my way down. Zoro opened his eyes when I landed, arms folded and a thoughtful scowl on his face. "Are you sure we can't bring him? He's great at retrieving Devil Fruit users- it'd be safer for you and Luffy."

"Like I said earlier, it wouldn't be fair to Laboon." I shuddered and wrung out my shirt as I slogged to dry land. It took me all of thirty seconds to climb back up to where Ghin was sitting on the cape. Once more, I took a defensive stance. "Again."

"Seriously?" Ghin raised an eyebrow and tilted his head towards the bay. I nodded.

"Laboon's there to get me out, so it's as safe as it's gonna get. Or do you think I'd do better on the ship, where you or Zoro'd be jumping in to get me every time and we could be attacked without warning?"

"True." And so my sparring partner recommenced with my beating, while I focused on feeling and controlling the build-up of force. Somewhere in the world I'd come from, I could practically see Newton rolling in his grave.

X

"Alright guys, the pose is set!"

Nami's voice interrupted my attempt to shove force back into Ghin. I'd sort of gotten the hang of feeling it now- enough to know when I was about to explode, at least. Still fired myself backwards more often than not when I tried to discharge what I'd built up, but hey, I could do it at-will now, so it was still a lot of progress. As it was, the surprise of hearing Nami's voice jarred me enough that instead of discharging force through the hand I was punching Ghin with, I discharged through my feet. This sent me flying into the bay for probably the fiftieth time; Laboon fished me out before I even had time to inhale much water.

He'd been getting a lot of practice.

"Coming!" I ran up the cape one more time to retrieve Ruatha and my hat. My slimy, dragon spit covered hat that my dragonet had been using as a chew toy. Gross. I slapped the reptile on the rump, loudly rather than hard, startling him into dropping my headgear.

"No! Bad boy! Mommy's hat is _not_ for eating!"

Ruatha's response was to coo and scramble up onto my shoulders, nuzzling his snout into my ponytail. Aww… I couldn't stay mad at that adorableness. Didn't mean he could get away with it though. I started coming up with a training plan for the naughty dragonet as I strode back down to the _Merry_.

Zoro dragged Vivi and Mr Nine aboard. "Hey Luffy, where'd you want these guys? In the hold, like usual?"

"Sure! That works!"

Vivi let out a muffled yelp, eyes wide. Luffy came over to pat her on the head. "Aw, don't worry! It's just so we don't blow your cover or something! I know you're a good person. And our cargo hold's really comfy- Jones sleeps there all the time!"

"Not while we have prisoners," I clarified, resigning myself to a couple of nights spent on deck. _Again_. This whole thing about taking prisoners and bounty hunting for extra cash was really cutting into my sleeping schedule.

My comment went ignored. Zoro took the Baroque Works agents below decks while the rest of us prepared to set sail. Usopp in the crow's nest, Johnny and Yosaku on the mainsail, Ghin on the mizzen- I was at the helm again, and hopefully Luffy would shout from his special seat if he saw any odd water or anything. Sanji was probably setting traps in the galley already against any unwanted snacking this coming night. Crocus stood on the shore below, arms folded as he smiled up at us. He looked… proud. Like an uncle who's barely involved in your life, but still loves you and shows up to your university graduation.

"You kids… Thanks. What you did for Laboon… I don't know how long it'll last, but at least he'll have some time to heal before he starts ramming the Red Line again."

"BO!" The whale huffed indignantly, shooting a spout up into the air. Luffy laughed, but whatever Laboon had said stayed between whale and captain. Crocus' expression hardened.

"That said… You better make sure you come back, hear? You promised him you would, and Laboon can't take any more broken promises. I don't care how long it takes or what you have to do…"

Luffy nodded, his face solemn. "Don't worry, we will. I'm gonna be king of the pirates, and then Nami's gotta draw a map of the world, so we need to go _everywhere_. And we'll bring lots of stories back too!"

"Plus a special surprise." Crocus raised an eyebrow at my words, but I didn't elaborate. Spoilers. I couldn't wait to see Laboon's reaction to Brook coming back though. Me telling the whale he was still alive was one thing, but living, breathing proof… Not that Brook _was_ living or breathing. Skull jo- no. No making skull jokes until he was with us. Bad writer.

"Jones!" Nami called my name, interrupting my thoughts. "Turn us twelve degrees to starboard- there's a sandbar on our port side!"

"Aye-aye Sailing Master!" I sniffled as I tugged on the whipstaff, coughing into my sleeve. Tabarnak. All that dunking while working on my powers had given me a cold. Ruatha chirped worriedly; I patted him on the head.

"It's fine buddy. I'll be alright in a couple days; just need some juice and a little extra sleep."

The _Going Merry_ pulled slowly away from the cape, as if she was nervous about what was coming next. I shared the ship's sentiment. As eager as I was to see some of the things that lay ahead, I was terrified as well. Terrified of screwing up, terrified that I'd get someone hurt or killed… But there was no turning back. I had to do the best I could, and hopefully Luffy's decision to invite me onto his crew wouldn't prove a mistake. If only I had as much faith in myself as he seemed to.

And then Laboon waved goodbye, and my anxiety was replaced with awe. As the _Merry_ moved beyond the capes the great whale came up beside us, breaching like a playful humpback. The splash when he came down created a rain of salt water, as well as a wave that lifted us up like a toy and pushed us forwards. My last sight of the capes was a glimpse of massive flukes rising out of the sea, flipping and waving as Laboon wished us well.


	9. Interlude

**Interlude: a short play or other brief dramatic entertainment performed between acts of a longer play, or between courses at a banquet**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you. ^_^ And indeed, nothing beats Luffy Logic.**

 **The Patient One: Honestly, I have no room in reality to bust anyone's chops about forgetting pertinent details, so Jones will have to deal. I mean... Once upon a time, I looked in the fridge while setting the table and couldn't find the ketchup. Now, the fridge was a little full, so I moved some things around to see if the ketchup was hiding behind any of them— including the ketchup. I couldn't find any ketchup. With the bottle of ketchup still in my hand, I turned and asked my mother with all seriousness if we were out of ketchup. So no, Jones has no room whatsoever to get on Vivi's case. And long chapters, eh? To be honest, you kind of have yourself and the other members of the Cross Brain to thank for that. Around the time I started working on this story, there was an A/N on This Bites! talking about how 10,000 words may have been a short chapter for you guys, but was still a lot longer than almost everyone else posts. So I made a personal rule that no chapter of this fic is allowed to be less than 10,000 words out of... A sort of desire to prove that A/N wrong, I guess? Even though at the time I didn't expect anyone to ever read this. Not that it's been a hard rule to enforce; I think there's only been one chapter so far where I was in danger of not making my word count for a while. And no, these replies never count towards the word count— that would be cheating. As for the rest of it... Thank you very much. ^_^**

 **Gerbilfriend: Yes it was, but I don't blame you for being confused. Jones never mentioned her dream to the crew before, and only talked about it in her narration as a brief, offhand thing at the beginning of chapter four. And thank you— I'm glad people think Ruatha is cute.**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you. ^_^**

 **Lightsbane1905: Luffy Logic is surprisingly easy to write. I play Dungeons and Dragons a lot, and I've been in lots of groups where there was at least one player who got by on luck and Luffy Logic. Hell, sometimes I've been that player.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you! As for whether I'm taking ideas on crew recruits and such... I'm afraid I already have a lot of this planned out well in advance, but if there's a specific character people want to see and someone makes a compelling argument as to why they would make a good Straw Hat, I might consider tweaking things a little— unless it's someone I already have other major plans for.**

 **King-Dorado: Mm... That might work, in theory, once Jones has a better hold on her powers.**

 **Smile4the-World: Since I couldn't find a canon age for Ghin, I arbitrarily decided he's twenty-seven in this fic. And I will not confirm or deny the presence of romance as the fic goes on— that'll depend on character development, but as a general rule, I have difficulty with the subject. Expect any relationships that do develop to be... unconventional. That said, Jones and Ghin are probably not ever getting together in that way. They see each other as siblings and the ship tease, while intentional, is mostly for the purpose of my awkward sense of humour. And you're welcome; I always wished we should see more of Ghin, Johnny, and Yosaku too. *sees all caps emphasis on super and is compelled to strike Franky's pose* Thank you very much!**

 **Xipholynx: As always, thank you very much! Now, about Ruatha... I'm sorry, but I must remind you that he's male— you kept calling him "she." And despite Millennial dragons living so long, I'm keeping them closer to the HP end of the spectrum as far as growth rate. After all, it's implied at the end of the Warship Island arc that they don't stay around that nest very long, so I assume the reborn hatchlings must be able to fly and keep up with the adults fairly quickly.**

 **Antiguo: More is real than most people might be comfortable with, I suppose. *shrugs* But the trolls from Jones' dream... They've never targeted me. Those comments were based on things people have said to a couple of my friends who've been writing fanfiction for longer than I have. Thank you very much, and you have a nice weekend as well.**

 **DragonBookAddict: Yeah, I was pretty sure I was good. I thought it was fifty years after the death of the writer, and I'm pretty sure anyone writing music in 1886 probably died before 1967, so... *shrugs* And yes, random trivia is a wonderful weapon. Thank you very much. ^_^**

 **Guest: Thank you! And yes, you're over-thinking things a little. But that's good; it means I'm doing my job properly. *cackles***

 **AnerianJames: *stares* No, no, I don't think so. Thank you for the wonderful sentiment, but I don't think I could ever get up to that level. *bows***

 _Something boneless and heavy was hugging me from behind- a giant squid? Luffy? I couldn't turn my head to check. But something told me I wasn't in danger. That was unusual; being grabbed and immobilized like this almost always meant I was in trouble. Maybe someone had drugged me to keep me from acting out against my captor? That seemed the most likely answer, but who would do that? I started to thrash on principle; even if I wasn't in danger, I didn't want to be held! Tabarnak! Whoever was doing this was gonna pay…_

X

I was awakened by the cold on our first morning out from the Twin Capes Lighthouse. Damp, heavy coolness weighed my limbs down, pinning them to the deck. Snow- and not just any snow; good packing snow, perfect for snowballs. It took me a moment to register that I was breathing, despite how thick the blanket of white covering my body was. When I opened my eyes, I saw the blurry form of Sanji crouching over my, shovelling snow away from my head. I sat up, stifling a cough. My cold had yet to clear up.

The cook stepped back with a huff of relief. "You alright Jones? When I came out and saw all that snow everywhere… Why don't you just sleep in the girls' cabin with Nami? Are you still _that_ uncomfortable with people?"

"Not really, now… But Ruatha keeps me up all night, and I won't subject Nami to that. Also…" I glared at Sanji as I dug through the snow for my glasses. "What have I said about asking if I'm alright?"

"Jones… You're freezing and you were covered in snow. Asking is a formality. Now, you and that shitty dragon get your asses into the galley; I'll make something to warm you up."

My hands were bright red as I dug Ruatha out of the snow, my skin dry and cracking. The dragonet shivered as I picked him up. I flicked his nose. "You didn't have to stay out here with me if you were cold. You could've gone and slept on the gun deck." I couldn't lie there comfortably- not enough floor space- but he could.

Other members of the crew rushed around me as I went to the galley; I'd slept late. Probably the cold. I can't wake up properly if I'm not warm enough, unless my body temperature gets low enough that I might be in danger. Then I'm up pretty quick for a while before passing out again. Anyway, Zoro was furling the mainsail, shouting instructions at Ghin and Usopp, who had the mizzen. Johnny and Yosaku were sweeping and shovelling at the snow, but their frantic efforts weren't enough to keep it from accumulating all over the deck. Nami's eyes were glued to the log pose as she relayed directions to Luffy, who was at the whipstaff. All in all, it was surprisingly efficient for a Straw Hat operation.

"What did I miss?" I asked as Sanji threw a thick, fluffy towel over my shoulders. The cook snorted.

"Not much. The snow's been falling since Johnny's watch, but the shitheads only started working a few minutes ago." He handed me a mug of steaming hot chocolate with marshmallows and peppermint. I downed it as quickly as I could, wincing as I burnt my tongue.

"Thanks! Ruatha, stay- Mommy's gonna go back out in the snow, and she doesn't want you getting cold."

My dragonet chirped in protest and hopped onto my shoulder as I headed back outside. Sanji shook his head. "Jones… Didn't you buy a coat in Loguetown? At least put that on so you don't get a chill like all the shitheads in the rigging."

"I did. It's in the cargo hold." I patted Ruatha with one hand, waving the other dismissively. "Don't worry Sanji. I'm Canadian; a few minutes of this isn't gonna kill me."

The cook snorted as I made my way out of the galley. "You know I don't know what that means."

"Yep. Doesn't make it any less true though."

Despite Johnny and Yosaku's frantic efforts, the deck was covered in snow up to my knees. I bounced through rather than wading, using a time-tested raise-and-flick gait that kept snow from getting into my sneakers. Or at least, that was how I moved until I thought of using this as a training opportunity. I still had a little bit of a charge from sparring with Ghin the night before; I released it all through my feet as I landed in the middle of the deck.

A wave of snow blasted away from me in every direction. Yes- success! This was the first time that I'd used my powers and experienced no noticeable recoil. My technique wasn't as amusing to everyone else. Johnny and Yosaku pouted at me, pausing with filled shovels raised.

"No fair Big Sis!"

"Yeah! If you can do it that quickly, do the whole ship!"

"Sorry, can't. Only have enough juice for one more. But I'll grab a shovel after." Not that I would mind if it stayed; I love the snow. But I guess the icy slickness it was depositing onto the deck wasn't pleasant for people trying to run around and get things done. I jumped into a big drift and stomped, releasing all the force I had left. There was some recoil this time, sending me staggering back. But it was still an improvement over flying into the water.

Torrents of snow flew out in every direction, making me feel like Elsa. Frigid waves splashed up as the white fluff crashed down into the sea. Well, except for the bits that hit Zoro, Ghin, and Usopp in the face. The bosun sputtered and glared at me as melting snow slid off of him. Ghin did nothing, too stunned to move. Usopp gathered up his snow before it could fall, packing it into a ball and flinging it back at my head. I reached up and caught it, frigid white exploding between my fingers as the ball was crushed on impact. Oh, the sniper had no idea what he was getting into…

"Really Usopp? Challenging a Canadian to a snowball fight? _Really_?"

The sniper stuck his tongue out at me from his place on the mizzen mast. "Like you can get me up here! You can't shoot with a gun or a cannon- why would a snowball be any different?"

"Let's find out…" I grabbed a handful of snow and molded it into a ball, lobbing it at Usopp's face. As soon as it left my hand I was bending down for another, slipping into a fighting stance as I tossed snowball after snowball at the gunner. Out of probably a dozen or so, five found their mark. One had an ice chunk in it, which hit hard enough that it knocked Usopp off the spar of the mizzenmast and sent him crashing to the deck. Of the stray balls, two hit Zoro, three got Ghin, one somehow bounced off the yardarm to crash down on Nami, and the last went over the rails and into the sea with a splash. Usopp groaned. Luffy whistled in admiration.

"That was awesome Jones!"

"Thanks, but it's really not. Almost anyone can do that where I'm from- snowball fights are practically a way of life in Canada. You think that's good, you should see what I can do on _ice_ \- beating each other up while skating is our national sport." Well, there was more to it than that, but that was about as much hockey as I expected Luffy to understand.

"Um… Big Sis?" Johnny's voice was hesitant beside me. I looked over.

"What?"

Pain! The back of my head exploded. I kicked myself for not noticing Nami coming up to hit me. "Ow! What was that for?" I spun to face the navigator, only to find that no one was there. Looking around, I spotted Nami still up on the poop deck with her charts. Although she _was_ glaring like she intended to murder me in my sleep.

"Alright, who was that?" No one admitted to the assault. I could hear the snow stop falling in the ensuing silence. It was replaced by loud tapping as hailstones the size of golf balls rained down from the sky. Oh. That must've been what hit me.

"Take cover!" Johnny and Yosaku dove for the shelter of the galley. Zoro and Ghin rolled their eyes, sliding down to the deck. Ghin helped Usopp to his feet on the way; the former Krieg pirate looked up at Nami.

"Alright, what next?"

"Now you need to unfurl the sails again! The wind's switching around!"

Groaning, the men scrambled back up the masts. Hemp and canvas snapped taught, the sails filling quickly as a great gust of wind roared up. Hopefully the hail wouldn't tear them or anything. The deck groaned beneath us, _Merry_ protesting the change of weather. I patted her rails as I raced to secure the tangerine saplings and get a tarp over them.

Nami tugged at her hair. "Argh! This current's pulling us around. Jones! Drop anchor!"

"What?" I ran to do as I was told, not sure what good it would do. The _Going Merry_ swung around the anchor chain in a broad arc, gathering momentum and creating a vast circular wake.

"Now pull it up! Quick!"

Seriously? "Get Zoro if you need something that heavy lifted quickly!"

"I'm busy!" The bosun hollered down. He had a line gripped in his teeth; something had snapped and he was trying to splice it back together.

"Okay… This isn't gonna work." I pushed on the capstan with all my might. But the device was meant for four people, not one. Zoro could haul it around quickly, but I certainly couldn't. My muscles turned to jelly, and the capstan barely turned at a snail's pace.

"Faster Jones! Or we'll be stuck going in circles!"

"I can't! It's too heavy!" Caravel anchors typically weighed about eight hundred pounds-more than twice what I could lift. Even with mechanics on my side, things weren't gonna move quickly. Nami shrieked.

"Johnny, Yosaku, get your butts back out here to help Jones! I don't care if the hail beats you black and blue; we need the anchor back up before we swing back into that current!"

"Aye-aye Big Sis!" The bounty hunters ran out of the galley, wincing as they were hit by hailstones. With three people, the raising of the anchor went much faster. We were able to get it up before hitting whatever current Nami was trying to keep us out of. Barely.

The hail was letting up, replaced by pouring rain. Water mixed with ice and snow to create patches of thick, slippery slush. Mm, spring weather. I collapsed onto the deck as soon as the anchor was up, rolling onto my side so I didn't drown in the growing puddles. Beside me, Johnny and Yosaku leaned on each other and groaned.

"Is it _always_ gonna be like this?" Johnny wanted to know. Everyone looked at me expectantly.

"Not through Paradise, no." I couldn't move my _anything_ ; even talking hurt. "There's a lot of weird conflicting weather here because of the splitting magnetic fields, the Red Line, and the currents around Reverse Mountain. Things'll be better for a while- still pretty weird though. And once we reach the New World… Yeah, weather there's crazy and I have no idea how to warn you."

Yosaku blinked in my direction, looking like he was about to faint. "Paradise? New World?"

"Different parts of the Grand Line. We're in Paradise now; after crossing the Red Line again at the Sabaody Archipelago, we'll be in the New World. It's called that cause it's not as well recorded by official exploration documents."

Nami huffed and glanced at the log pose. Then she shrieked. "Everyone up! We need to turn a hundred and eighty degrees!"

Zoro scowled. "What? I thought we were dead on course after that anchor stunt."

"I thought so too, but there must've been a secondary current that spun us around!"

It took everything I had to stand up again, slipping and sliding through the rain. I staggered from side to side, coughing into my sleeve as I made my way to the lines for the mainsail. The ropes supported me even as I got to work changing the rigging to meet the needs of our new course. Water poured off the edges of my hat, drenching my clothes- and Ruatha. But as uncomfortable as he was in the cold and wet, the dragonet wouldn't leave my shoulder. That didn't make my work any easier.

X

Once the weather had settled down, I headed down into the cargo hold to check on Vivi and Mr Nine. The princess and her partner were no longer gagged- Sanji had ordered their removal, between the fact that Vivi was a lady and the gags making it hard to feed the prisoners. I wondered if it secretly had anything to do with his time in an iron mask, but I didn't ask. Didn't feel like bringing up the cook's bad memories.

"What're you doing here?" Vivi's voice was sullen and resigned. But at least she wasn't as annoying as Mr Nine. I closed my eyes after Vivi's question, mentally counting back from three. And right on cue…

"I demand you release us at once! I'm a prince, I tell you- can't you see my crown? You pirates are in big trouble for holding me like this! When I tell my father about this… You'll pay, you hear?!"

"Oh, shut up." I placed Ruatha on the floor. The dragonet hissed at Mr Nine, which was very effective at making the wannabe royal follow my instructions. I'd discovered that last night- the Baroque Works agent had a mortal fear of dragons, even ones that were only the size of a large cat.

"I'm just here to check on you, make sure you're not getting tossed around or anything. We're going through some pretty bad weather right now." I didn't necessarily _like_ being so cold with Vivi- I was mostly over the strangling thing by now, even if I was nowhere near ready to trust her for a hug- but it had to be done to maintain her cover. Although Mr Nine had sided with her over the company in canon… No. I would leave telling him up to Vivi or fate. If he knew early, without seeing her in danger, things might not go as well. Not that he was much of a threat, but still…

"What are you planning to do to us?" Mr Nine squeaked, edging away from Ruatha as much as his bonds would allow. Vivi remained silent; she was still trying to figure out my future knowledge and what it meant for Alabasta.

"Sorry, spoilers. Anyone need to use the head while I'm here? Not sure when the next time someone'll come down is- we might be busy again."

Mr Nine shook his head. He preferred to be escorted by one of the men for that function, for understandable reasons. To my surprise though, Vivi nodded. Usually she went with Nami; the princess was less uncomfortable and standoffish with the navigator than with me. I really needed to stop getting off on the wrong foot with female crew mates- or honorary crew mates in this case. Otherwise I might do something to make Robin try to kill me. And since she was an assassin by trade right now… Yeah.

I undid Vivi's bindings and pulled her towards the head- roughly while in Mr Nine's line of sight, then more gently once he could no longer see us. Once we were in the head I released her and turned towards the door- keeping her from attacking or escaping was one thing, I could at least leave her with some dignity. Only, instead of getting down to business, Vivi grabbed my wrist. I turned on reflex, rotating my arm up and free as I prepared for an attack. It didn't come. The princess took a step back, staring at me.

"I didn't really need to use the head."

"Okay…" I automatically shifted into a ready stance- not aggressive, but prepared. "Then why-?"

"Because I finally figured you out." Vivi's voice was softer- her real self, or princess persona, or whatever. "The others… When they come to bring us food or let us use the head, they call you a witch or a karate-ka… Although the captain and the boy with the long nose were arguing over whether you were a ninja or not once. But what you really are… You're an intelligence officer, aren't you? A spy. Although I still haven't figured out how you know what you do…"

Vivi's analysis made me start. Not because it was wrong- but because I realized that it was correct. I never would've called myself a spy- it came far too close to ninja and why I refused that title- but with how much I knew, that's effectively what I was. A highly-specialized spy. Still… I shook my head. Witch fit me much better.

"No. I know what I do through a method that may as well be magic, I have a dragon, and I'm prone to solving problems through chemistry, violence, and explosions. Far too memorable to be a good spy. I'm definitely a witch."

"Oh…" Vivi slumped. I felt sorry for her; being proven wrong out of nowhere just when you were starting to think you had answers couldn't be easy.

"Was that all, your highness?"

"No." Regaining her composure, Vivi looked me in the eye. This was uncomfortable; I looked away after a second, focusing off to the side instead- something I'm sure the princess noticed. "You… Yesterday you said you needed to save my kingdom from Crocodile. Does that mean I can rely on this crew as allies, despite the current unpleasantness?"

"Hai." I nodded sharply along with my reply. Vivi's continued look of confusion prompted me to elaborate- apparently, whatever languages and politics her life as a princess had prepared her for, Japanese martial arts weren't among them.

"Yeah, you can rely on us. Trying to strangle me wasn't smart, but at least you went for _me_ \- someone who knows less than I do might do more than take offense at things like that."

"Can I expect an apology for being knocked out with a toilet seat then?"

"Afraid not. I'm polite, not selfless. Ally or not, you _did_ attack me first; my reaction was fully justified."

Vivi sighed, standing a little straighter. The overall impression she gave off was of a small business owner conducting an informal interview. "I suppose that's fair."

Nodding, I leaned back on the sink. "So… Was there anything else?" This was… Odd. From the awkward way things had been set up, it seemed like my writer meant Vivi and I to be more at odds than this. The princess was just so damn polite though. It was impossible to stay angry at her. As for why she was becoming less angry at me… She probably appreciated the difficulties I was putting her through due to her years as a spy. Or at least, was justifying it to herself that way.

"Does the no spoilers rule- whatever that means- extend to me as well, or is it just for Mr Nine?"

"It's a crew rule, actually. I'm not supposed to tell anyone what's coming up unless Luffy says so, and I'm not supposed to go into detail about backstory without someone's permission. Although apparently that doesn't extend to telling everyone where to go when Luffy can't make up his mind, or saying things after the fact if I change what would've happened." There was something stuck under my fingernails- probably tar from the lines. I pulled out my Swiss Army Knife and flipped open a blade to scrape out the residue.

"So… You could tell me?"

"Theoretically, as long as you didn't tell anyone where you'd learned it. The crew would notice though. And then they'd get mad at me, so…" I winced as an overzealous scrape drew blood. Sticking my finger in my mouth lessened the sting.

"What if I didn't tell anyone though? If it was just the two of us, could we do anything worthwhile?" Vivi's face was deceptively innocent. She may not have been as good as me at talking her way out of unexpected trouble, but she _was_ still a secret agent. I kicked myself for not expecting her to at least _try_ to be devious.

Smiling at the princess' question, I pulled my finger out of my mouth. "You're better at this than I thought you'd be, your highness. Oda glossed over your spy career in favour of the part where some pirates showed up to destroy Crocodile's hold on your country." I nodded thoughtfully. "We probably _could_ change something with just two of us- I've done it alone before, and will again. But I don't know what there is coming up that's _worth_ messing with. I'll need some time to think about it."

"Of course. Don't take too long to decide though; we reach Whiskey Peak the day after tomorrow."

That made me frown. I closed my knife and leaned forward to poke Vivi in the forehead. "Don't do that again Princess."

"Do what?" Vivi's eyes went wide and pale; her overall stance and expression shifted to one of a hiker coming face to face with a bobcat.

"Order me around. Let's make one thing clear- I serve the king and I'm damn proud of it, no matter what it may seem like most of the time. But I serve _only_ the king, and my king isn't yours. I take orders from my crew mates because Luffy will be king of the pirates, and the others know what's best as far as getting him there. If you're around long enough, you might see me take orders from others too; that's because I'm afraid of them, or I already agree with what they're saying. Neither situation applies here. Telling you anything without thinking it through carefully could be _dangerous_."

"I- I'm sorry. With how you were addressing me, I didn't think…"

"No, you didn't. And given that you're one of the actively _benevolent_ nobles, that doesn't speak well for this world's government." I sighed and fidgeted, rubbing my forearms before reaching up to brush the blue and white lion armband on my left bicep. "Vivi… I called you 'your highness' because I was raised to respect royalty. But you can respect a person and not have to take orders from them."

Vivi bowed her head. "I'm sorry. I'll keep that in mind in the future."

"Apology accepted." I pulled back, out of her personal space. It made me more comfortable too. "Now… Do you _actually_ need to use the head, or are we done for now?"

"No, this is all. Please though… If you think of anything, will you let me know? I- I want to save my kingdom, no matter what I have to do." Vivi held out her hands for me to apply fresh bindings.

"Which is why I respect you, and the biggest reason I can't stay mad about the strangling thing." I wrapped the tape a little looser this time, so Vivi could move a bit. "But you don't need me- Luffy and the others would've saved Alabasta regardless. So don't worry."

"Not worrying is hard. You _will_ tell me if there's anything I can do, won't you? Even if things will work out, anything I can do to make it go faster or better…"

"If there's anything I think you should do, I promise I'll let you know."

A shriek sounded from the hold, followed by the chattering squawks that I was learning were Ruatha's version of laughter. I was about to roll my eyes and sigh, but Vivi beat me to it. A small smile crossed her face.

"Let's go rescue Mr Nine before your dragon eats him, can we? He's not bad as Baroque Works agents go- I could've had much worse as a partner."

"Ruatha wouldn't hurt him," I assured the princess as I opened the door. "Millennial dragons don't eat humans."

When we got back to the hold, we found Mr Nine awkwardly scrambling and hopping around in a circle, trying to get away from Ruatha's gleeful jaws. A chunk of fabric dangled from the dragonet's jaws; a ragged hole in the agent's pants showed white boxers with a pattern of smiling fish. I clapped loudly and whistled. "Ruatha! Hold it!"

"Sha?" Scales rustled as my dragon cocked his head to the side. I frowned.

"Come."

The little dragon just stared at me. I sighed and crouched down, holding my hand out in front of me as if to pet him. "Ruatha, come."

"Ra!" Spitting out the scrap of fabric, the dragonet bounded over and shoved his snout into my hand. I grabbed him and picked him up, scratching all around his head.

"Good boy! You're a very good boy." Just like training my cat. Rusty responded to affection as well as food. And since he thought I was his mother, Ruatha was much less stubborn than a fluffy tomcat.

Mr Nine looked up at me with fear and awe. "Mother of d-!"

"Wrong franchise." I cut the Baroque Works agent off as Ruatha climbed into his favourite place on my shoulders. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a sniper to kick the ass of in a snowball fight." The bow I directed at Mr Nine as I exited was as mocking as I could make it; the one I directed Vivi's way was significantly less so. I coughed into my sleeve as I climbed back up to the deck.

X

Slush soaked through everyone's clothes by late afternoon. The snowball fight had gotten a little out of hand, despite the melting of most of the snow. Even Nami had gotten involved- although she was mostly gunning for me. Thanks to the navigator, I had a large glob of snowy slush that wouldn't come out of the back of my shirt, no matter how much I shivered and twitched. As for the winner… Despite my Canadian talent for dealing with snow, Usopp defeated me on the field of battle.

"Unfair," I grumbled as we made our way into the galley for hot chocolate. I glared at the gunner's slingshot as I spoke. He rubbed his nose and beamed.

"Hah! As if you ever truly had a hope of beating me- I'm the greatest sniper on the seas!"

"Who bravely hides on the other side of the ship and uses his slingshot to get everyone in the face before they can get close enough to fight back!"

"Hey! That's what sniper _means_!"

I didn't argue- Usopp was technically correct. Instead I sat down in my usual spot and pulled out my planning pages, looking through my notes. Whiskey Peak was up next; was there anything worth going out of my way to mess with, or should I just let things move as they would? Something else caught my eye though, distracting me. I frowned. Since everyone thought we were bounty hunters, that shouldn't be an issue, but if he saw our flag before someone thought to hide it…

He _did_ like games. None of my crewmates were good at his favourite, but maybe I could encourage him to learn a new one, one where this crew stood a better chance. It would take a while to set up though… Eh, I had time. Pulling out a lot of blank paper, I got writing. It was hard; I was copying out relevant fragments from over two hundred books by numerous publishers. There was a lot I was missing- at least half of the material, probably more when it came to divine characters, and I wasn't bothering to even try psionics- but I could remember enough. Perks of how much time I'd spent playing. Johnny and Yosaku peeked over my shoulders as I worked.

"Whatcha doing Big Sis?"

"Making a gift for a worthy adversary." If I could get it done in the next week or so, I could mail it from Drum Kingdom, or maybe Alabasta. But there was a lot of ground to cover… I shouldn't bet on being able to send it that early. As long as I got it off by Mock Town, things should be good. Give him enough time to read it, at least.

"Huh?" The hunters cocked their heads in opposite directions. "Worthy… adversary? Please don't say you're gonna be pen pals with one of the Warlords or anything…"

"Not a bad idea, but no." Although I filed that away for later. Building a friendship with Hancock might be beneficial, and being female I wouldn't be an immediate target for rage or scorn- probably. "No, none of them appreciate games."

"Games?" Yosaku asked. "That's a game? There's a lot of numbers…"

"Doesn't mean it's any less fun." I shook my head. "Math's nothing to be afraid of- except statistics; those suck."

"Statistics?"

"Gambling. Odds. The chance that a given thing will or will not happen. As far as I'm concerned, the odds of anything are fifty-fifty; either it happens or it doesn't."

Johnny and Yosaku didn't look like they got it, but on the other side of the table, Luffy beamed. He had something of a milk moustache from his hot chocolate, and somehow a marshmallow had gotten into his hair. "Shishishishi! Sounds good to me! Did you learn that from the story?""

"Of course it does Captain." I smiled back. "But no, surprisingly enough, that's not something I learned from you. It was from a different show."

X

 _Chains around my neck, my wrists, my ankles… I marched in the middle of a line of people, unable to stop. But where were we going? All I could see ahead of us was black rock and bubbles- lots and lots of bubbles. As we got closer, one of the bubbles drifted over to land on my head. It burst with a shower of heat and stickiness, not at all like the pleasant, clean sensation of a soap bubble. There was something desperately wrong here. But between the chains and the bubble's goo, I could barely move, couldn't get away…_

X

I woke up to a feeling of heaviness in my chest and shoulders. If I hadn't been lying on cold wood under an open sky, I would've been tempted to roll over and go back to sleep- I really didn't feel up to dealing with life right now. But I had to. Training was important, and there was the normal business of sailing to get on with at the very least. I dragged myself to my feet and began going through the motions. Ruatha chirped beside me, crawling under my chest when I got around to doing push ups. Idiot. If I fell on him, he'd get hurt.

Moving slower than usual, I was the last one to the galley for breakfast. It meant that my usual place was already occupied, taken over by the half-asleep form of our gunner. I slid into the space Usopp usually occupied, which put my back to the door instead of allowing me to lean back on a wall. I poked at my eggs, ducking under a plate that flew across the room as Johnny defended his food from Luffy.

"Leave off Big Bro! Get your own!"

"I did! But I'm still hungry!"

"Let everyone else eat first Shitty Rubber!" Sanji kicked the captain in the head while at the same time refilling Nami's morning tea. "You can have more if there's any left after!"

The open space at my back made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I stopped pushing my food around my plate and ate quickly before springing to my feet to leave. Yosaku looked up at me in confusion. "Where're you going Big Sis?"

"Meditating. Like usual." I strode out of the galley and climbed into the rigging. Ruatha tried to come with me, but I left the dragon on the deck. He crooned and cried, angry at not being able to take his place on my shoulder. For once, I ignored him.

Over almost three months since I'd come to this world and started learning about sailing, I'd perfected the art of twining my legs into the lines so I could sit among the rigging. Closing my eyes, I tried to focus on my center. My head was too fuzzy though, and the weight refused to leave my chest and shoulders. A gust of wind caught the rigging. I reached out to grab the nearest lines for support, although I was unlikely to fall even without the extra grip. After a moment, I allowed myself to lean back, until I was hanging upside down. That helped; the weight lessened as blood flowed to my head.

Seconds later, I rolled back upright. Almost three months since I'd come here… And it had been less than two months before my birthday when I changed worlds. I was twenty-four now, had been since probably around Loguetown. Huh. My time sense was really screwed up- I didn't even know what month it was here, what day. Well… I knew Luffy had set off in early May, and if travel time before the _Baratie_ was similar to after it, I'd joined less than a month into his voyage. So it was… August, maybe? Which put my birthday at the end of July in this timeline. Nowhere near the actual date.

The logic puzzle of figuring out the date made the weight fall away even further. Distraction; I needed a distraction. Since I couldn't focus well enough to meditate, I pulled out the ivory armband Ghin and I had gotten as part of the spoils of our con in Loguetown. Flipping open my Swiss Army Knife, I began the delicate task of carving a lightning bolt into the hard surface. I wasn't much of a whittler- stabbed myself in the leg almost every time- and ivory scrimshaw was an unfamiliar medium, so I took extra care. As for why a lightning bolt… I said back at the _Baratie_ that I should make Ghin an element of loyalty armband or something.

Sure enough, a few minutes in, my knife slipped on the smooth ivory. The blade tore through my pants just above the knee, sinking into flesh atop a familiar, well-worn scar. I hissed and pulled back. Blood welled up, but slowed almost instantly. A quick flex of my knee assured me I hadn't sliced through anything important; just a flesh wound, just like every other time I'd done this. I shook my head and wiped my knife clean on the hem of my shirt before getting back to work.

Time fell away as I cautiously scraped at the shining white. It was soothing- a different form of meditation, once I got into the rhythm of it. Ruatha eventually stopped crying, curling up at the base of the mast. The dragonet raised his head and chirped as Luffy and Usopp approached.

"Jones! Time to play! You're it!" Luffy bounced up and down.

I sighed. Playing… I really didn't feel like it right now, didn't want to deal with people. But training was important. I put away what I was doing and untangled myself from the rigging. At the last moment, I switched my descent from swinging down the lines to a straight drop, absorbing the force as I landed. Usopp frowned.

"Since when can you do things like that?" The gunner's voice was petulant- jealous.

"My Devil Fruit allows me to absorb, reflect, and otherwise manipulate natural forces. Absorbing's easiest; I still haven't gotten the hang of using them for much. That's why I've been exploding and flying all over the place the last couple days; I keep throwing myself when I lose control of the recoil."

Usopp nodded. Physics made sense to him, being a sniper and a tinkerer. Meanwhile Luffy's eyes glazed over. "Saa… Your fruit does what?"

Well, the captain tended to learn better by doing. I bent my knees and channelled all the force I'd just absorbed into my feet, launching myself intentionally. The silent explosion fired me at Luffy, sending him tumbling across the deck as I collided with his chest. By the time the rubber boy had gotten over his surprise and rolled to his feet, I was leaning on the mast with my hands in my pockets, as if nothing had happened. The right side of my mouth quirked up. "You're it, Captain."

A wide grin grew across Luffy's face. It was a grin that promised retribution. I pulled my hands out of my pockets and took off across the deck. Luffy was much faster than me; the only hope I had was to build up more force and launch myself away. Unfortunately for me, doing so on the fly was impossible. It went against years of muscle memory and training to reduce impact.

"Gotcha!" Heavy rubber slammed into my back, sending me crashing into the deck. I coughed. _There_ was the force I was looking for.

"Why'd you come for _me_? I was just it- it's Usopp's turn!"

I could feel Luffy's shrug. "You were closer. And you had the same smirk Sabo used to get when he and Ace made fun of me. Rubber's an awesome power!"

"Not arguing there." I channeled the force of Luffy's tackle through my hands and into the deck, the same motion as a focus break. We both flew up into the air. The captain wrapped one hand around my wrist and the other around a rail, preventing us from going overboard.

"Just excited is all, Captain. It feels good to start getting a hold on my powers."

"It does! I had so much fun when I was learning to use the Gum-Gum Fruit! But you don't sound very excited." Luffy frowned as we hit the deck.

I bit my lip and tugged my hat down to shadow my eyes. Instead of answering or explaining, I turned and whistled for Ruatha. The dragon came running to see if I was going to play with him. Which I was, in a manner of speaking. It was time for him to learn "sit," "stay," and "heel." Luffy bounced in place beside me.

"Are you gonna get Usopp now?"

"No, Captain. I don't really feel like playing today, so I was gonna start training Ruatha instead. Can't have him hurting anyone by accident, and he needs to be able to fight just like the rest of us."

"Oh- cool!" Luffy flopped down on the rail, feet curving up over his head and hands supporting his chin. "Whatcha gonna teach him? Something cool? Can he fly yet? Are you gonna ride him?"

"Maybe someday." I patted Ruatha on the head. "He's nowhere near big enough right now though. We're just starting at the beginning today- no fighting or anything yet. Now sit!" My last words were directed at Ruatha as I pushed down on his hindquarters.

Getting the dragonet down wasn't the problem. He sat readily enough, staring up at me with eyes bluer than the sea. It was when I tried to take the next step that things didn't go well. I held my hand out in front of me, level with that scaly head, as I backed slowly away. "Stay…"

"Roo?" I'd barely gone three steps when Ruatha decided to jump for my chest and lick my face. Luffy laughed as I fell backwards.

"Shishishishishi! I don't think he wants to stay!"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." I wiped dragon spit off my face and flicked a gob of it at my captain. It missed, splashing into the water behind him. That only made the rubber boy laugh louder. Then he paused, cocking his head to the side.

"Hey Jones… Do your moves have names?"

"Eh? What?" I was only half paying attention. The other half of my brain was occupied with trying to keep Ruatha from chewing on my hat. A few raps of my knuckles on a scaly snout did the trick.

"Like… I have Gum-Gum Pistol and stuff, and Zoro's got Oni Giri, and Sanji has all that French stuff, but you and Ghin never say anything while you're fighting. You yell sometimes though. Are those your move names?"

"No." Ruatha curled up on my lap. I scratched behind his horns, feeling like Doctor No about to monologue at James Bond. "I can't speak for Ghin, but my techniques… The names are too long. In the time it took me to say one, I could perform a bunch. A kiai- that yell you mentioned- is better."

"Whaddya mean?" Luffy rolled over so he was lying on his back, arms dangling from either side of the rail. There was a rubbery squeak as he contorted his neck so he could still face me properly.

"Well… How many times do you think I could punch someone in the time it takes me to say _migi ashi- ura fudo dachi: oi tsuki_?"

"Um…" Luffy's face turned bright red as he tried to figure it out. I smiled; he was adorable. Wait… Gods above and below, was Sabo rubbing off on me? But I'd only spoken to the Chief of Staff twice! "Twenty-six?"

No … Although with practice… "Thirteen, actually. But the point stands, there's no point in me yelling technique names when it takes longer to say them than to perform them. What brought this on?"

"Well… If Ruatha does what you say, then his moves have names, right? Then I remembered that you fight all quiet, and since you're starting to work with your fruit… Are you gonna be quiet about that too?"

I shrugged, not having an answer. Why Luffy even thought this was important, I had no idea. Or… I knew why a kiai was important, but it was a toss up as to whether Luffy's logic fell in a similar vein or not. For all I knew, he was just asking because he thought naming your techniques sounded cool. Standing, I tapped Ruatha on the snout.

"Come on, silly little shenanigan. Up. We're gonna try that again. You're gonna be better than my aunt's dogs by the time I'm through with you."

"Rasha!" Ruatha flared his wings and stretched to his full height, head almost at my waist.

Luffy whined. "But _Jones_ … You've gotta play with me and Usopp! We need at least three for it to be good tag!"

"I already told you, Captain- I don't feel like playing today. I'm older than you; sometimes it happens."

"If you don't feel like it, you need to do it even more!" Luffy nodded to himself. "It always made Ace feel better."

"Well, hopefully it hasn't escaped your notice, but I'm not your brother." I raised an eyebrow at my captain, unamused. He fidgeted in place.

"Yeah, I know. But it doesn't mean you don't need to play. Besides- I wanna see Usopp's face when you fly at him and hit him like whoosh!" Luffy swung his arms around to emphasize his point. One particularly wild motion nearly sent him tumbling off the rail and over the side; I grabbed his wrist before he went overboard.

"Shishishishi! Thanks Jones!"

"You should be more careful. I can't go in after you if you fall."

"That's fine- Zoro can get me out!" Luffy pointed at the bosun, dozing by the bow. Hearing his name, the swordsman opened one eye and nodded before returning to his nap. Then a rubber finger poked me in the cheek.

"Come on Jones- play! Let's go!" Luffy took off into the rigging, expecting me to follow. I sighed.

"Aye-aye sir." A few punches to the deck built up a decent charge of force. I used it to launch myself across the deck, aiming for Usopp. Ruatha bounded along behind me. The sniper squeaked as I crashed into him. Something crunched; I think I squashed one of his Egg Stars.

"Usopp Rubber Band of Doom!" The less-than-impressive weapon bounced off my nose. I grinned.

"Won't work on me- glasses protect my eyes from such minor projectiles. You're it, Master Gunner."

"Not for long, Karate-ka!" Usopp tried to grab onto me; I shot force out my feet again to send myself up into the rigging. The sniper let out a squawk of indignation as he scrambled for a line to join myself and the captain aloft.

Tag was more difficult so high above the deck; there was nothing for my feet to grip and little to push myself off of. Luffy was at a massive advantage here, even more so than he had just by being himself. But that was fine. Just the exertion of swinging and jumping around, falling down to the decking and rails only to continue vaulting and climbing… It helped me forget the strange weight in my chest. It was _fun_. Although, while I tried to train Ruatha as we moved, it didn't work very well.

Looking up from her charts on the poop deck, Nami sighed. "Jones, you're older than everyone but Ghin. Would it kill you to be more mature?"

I paused in my flight, hanging from a line like a sideways starfish. It probably made me difficult to take seriously, but who cares? "I like to think I'm being very mature. There's nothing wrong with a little training- it might save my life one day."

"Well, could you at least keep it down with the… whatever you're doing that sends you flying and crashing into people? You're rocking the ship."

I was… I hadn't even considered that my poorly controlled powers might be accelerating the damage to the _Going Merry_. And I still didn't have a plan to save her… Swinging close to the mast, I pressed a hand against warm wood. "Sorry… I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Who're you talking to Jones?" Usopp slung down beside me, his feet dangling as he hung from the yard arm.

" _Merry_. I didn't realize my powers were hurting her."

"The ship?" Hooking his legs over a line, the sniper shimmied over so he was sitting next to me. He touched the mast, eyes lighting up. "She's warm… Is this a witch thing, where everything has its own spirit or something?"

"Not exactly, but kind of. _Merry_ loves us. I think you're her favourite though. You're the one who painted her flag, who can keep her together until we get a full-time carpenter."

"Got you both!" Luffy stretched up from below and grabbed our ankles. Usopp shrieked; I kicked. Neither had any effect. The line that came untied and slapped our captain across the face, however, did. Luffy released us and staggered back, a drop of blood welling up at the corner of his mouth.

The rubber boy spun with a snap, one hand holding his hat on his head as he looked around. "Johnny! Yosaku! Did you do that?"

A dark head popped out of the head. "No can do, Big Bro!" was Johnny's jaunty reply. "We're busy right now!" The blue hunter disappeared before anyone could ask what he and his partner were getting up to.

"Wah! Mystery ropes! So cool!" Luffy began to dance around, playing with the line that had hit him. Usopp and I, hands still pressed against the mast, heard a faint tinkling of laughter. If anyone else noticed it, they gave no indication.

X

Showering onboard the _Going Merry_ was never a comfortable affair. She was a good little ship, but her water heater left much to be desired. Bathing was lukewarm at best- and that was even if you were the first one that day. If you were, say, the third person trying to wash up, the water was as cold as the ocean depths from which it had been so recently drawn. Especially if Sanji had spent two hours earlier trying to get some unidentifiable red goop out of his hair.

And no, no one knew whether it was from a cooking experiment or something Johnny and Yosaku did. The cook wasn't saying.

"Maudit! That's cold!" I jumped, barely able to keep myself from exiting the shower completely and giving up on this endeavor. Icy water poured down my back, soaking into my hair. Long hair is a pain, by the way- it takes forever to wash properly, and even longer to dry. But it's good for hiding scars and sneaking glances, and I know how to use it as a weapon. The trade-off is worth it.

Footsteps drummed outside as I scrubbed shampoo into my hair, followed by the sound of dress shoes hitting a pair of skulls. "What're you shitheads doing? Jones is in there!"

"What? Big Sis is in the bathroom?" I could practically _hear_ Johnny pale. "That- that's not good. We forgot one of our experiments in there- it's a…"

"Time-delayed trigger mechanism. The payload on this one's harmless, but Big Sis won't be happy if it goes off on her. And it's set to go off in…"

"About thirty seconds!"

There was no way I could get out and dressed before whatever it was went off. So I quickly rinsed shampoo off, looking around for this unknown experiment. I was impressed; it wasn't easy to conceal anything in the head, but I didn't see any sign of whatever Johnny and Yosaku had been working on. Either it was very small, or very well hidden. They should turn this propensity for pranks into making traps or explosives for use in combat.

Then something blue erupted out of the sink. The entire room was coated- the floor, the portal, the towels, my clothes… me. Everything was splattered with Prussian blue ink. I blinked, otherwise frozen. Only when the cold water started to make my feet go numb did I shake off the surprise and get moving again. I finished washing quickly, but no amount of scrubbing got the ink to even fade, let alone come off.

Throwing my clothes on, I stomped out of the head with vengeance on my mind. Dark spots covered my face, bandanna, shirt… They weren't visible on my pants, but I could feel the wet splotches where the ink soaked into the fabric. "Johnny! Yosaku! I need to talk to you!"

Nami shook her head when I went up on the poop deck in search of the wayward hunters. "They're not here. Last I saw of them, Sanji was kicking them around the forecastle."

I peeked out of the tangerine grove. The trees were growing far more quickly than they would have on Earth; soon they'd be ready to start fruiting, a milestone that took my family's lemon trees four years. The desire to study them was almost enough to make me give up my hunt for the prankster duo. _Almost_. "They're not there now. If they were, I'd be able to hear them yelping."

"Try the bilge then." The navigator shrugged. "But while you're up here… Will we be able to get a landing craft at this Whiskey Peak place?"

My hand rose without conscious thought, preparing to block, but Nami made no move to approach me. I shifted my hand around to rub the back of my head, as if that was what I'd meant to do all the time. "Maybe. I dunno; in the story, it was a long time before _any_ landing craft were shown. Whiskey Peak has a good harbour though, so no one has to fly Air Gum-Gum to get to shore."

"Good. No one likes that except Luffy."

"Hey! I do!"

"People who don't sleep in bedrooms and think the rigging is a good place to meditate don't count. And why would you need Luffy to Rocket you to the shore? You seem to do well enough throwing yourself around, if nothing else." Nami's tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated on something on one of her charts.

"Eh." I shrugged. "Fair enough. Now, excuse me, but I have some hunters to wreak vengeance on."

"Have fun wading through the bilge when you've just managed to get clean."

I gestured to the ink splattered all over me. "Do I look clean? Really?"

"Point taken. So, what're you planning to do to them? Sometimes it seems you plan everything out, and then other times… I can't decide whether you're the type to set up a prank of your own, or just beat them black and blue."

"Second option. While I enjoy pranks and setting them up, I don't have any ideas. Plus, I think they'd beat me at a prank war- there's two of them, after all." I waved before making my way to the main hatch and down towards the bilge.

It was a place I never went- mostly because Johnny and Yosaku had claimed it as something of a workshop early on. Not that anyone had ever seen them produce anything down there, but no one was really willing to check. Even if we knew whether they'd trapped the place and their pranks weren't slowly escalating, it was a _bilge_. The place smelled bad enough even without the hunters having to do anything.

The lights were dim in the depths of the ship, lower than the hold and the cabins. It had a low ceiling too; I could stand, but Sanji and Zoro would've had to duck. Combined, this made maneuvering difficult- at least, once I spotted the tripwires that had been hastily stretched all across the floor. And yes, I could tell they'd been prepared in a rush- when they had time to do things properly, Johnny and Yosaku painted their wires matte black or brown to make them harder to see. These ones were still silvery, glinting in the light that filtered down between the boards.

"Cooruk?" Ruatha scampered down the ladder behind me, leaping onto my shoulder as soon as he got close enough. I patted his muzzle and held a finger to my lips.

"Shush. Quiet bud. We're hunting." I stepped carefully between the wires, keeping my footfalls as light as I could.

It didn't take long before I came up behind two crouching shadows. The hunters didn't seem to notice me behind them, as they didn't pause in their whispering. "Even if that _would_ catch Big Sis, Big Bro Sanji would have us scrubbing pots for the rest of our lives!"

"Forget pots- if the blast radius was what we thought, we're gonna be scrubbing the _head_ for the rest of our lives. Not that they'll be very long if Big Sis got hit…"

"Nah, Big Sis wouldn't kill us."

"Kill? No." I grinned as the backs facing me stiffened. "Maim or traumatize? Yes. You two better have a solvent that'll get this ink out of my shirt- I seem to wreck enough of them as it is."

"Johnny?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we forgot something. Big Sis likes climbing over rocks and stuff- she looks where she steps. And I didn't paint the wires. Did you?"

"No. I thought you did."

As much as I enjoyed letting them stew in this, I had other things I could be doing. I grabbed them each by an ear, pinching. It wasn't as effective as if Nami had done it- my nails were short, the better for martial arts- but both hunters still yelped like children. Ruatha chattered and squawked. "Solvent. _Now_. Preferably one that won't leave my clothes splotched and faded from bleach."

"Yes Ma'am!" Yosaku reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle. I released the men in order to catch it when the green hunter tossed it back. "Dunno 'bout purple, but that's never leached any blue or green dye."

"Thank _you_."

Both hunters turned slowly to look up at me. "So… If your clothes aren't wrecked, does that mean you'll let us off easy?"

"No. Johnny was right- you two are on head-cleaning duty _forever_." I didn't really have the authority to enforce that, but I was sure the combined threat of me, Sanji and Ghin would keep the pranksters in line. Possibly Nami too- the navigator had far less tolerance for the hunters' pranks than she did for my acting like one of the guys. They were _so_ lucky they'd hit me instead of her.

"Also… Ruatha, spit!" It was the command that came easiest to the dragonet- only took an hour to teach him, while he still refused to sit or stay. Twin gobs of slime hit Johnny and Yosaku in the face. They groaned.

"Gross! Big Sis!"

I shrugged. "Hey, do unto others as they do unto you."

Footsteps sounded on the wood above; a shaft of light came down amidships as the hatch opened up. Ghin's voice came down. "Johnny! Yosaku! Jones! The Don's calling all hands and the cook on deck! We've got a- I don't know what to call it, just come see!"

"Coming!" I high-stepped back through the maze of tripwires to the ladder. Behind me, Johnny and Yosaku somehow got tangled in their own traps. Not that it took them long to get out. In fact, from the practiced way they clipped the wires and were behind me again in about five seconds, it seemed like they had a lot of practice getting out of their own messes.

It took several seconds of blinking after getting back up on deck to get used to the sunlight again. Before that, the only indication I got of what was going on was a rushing sound, almost as if we were approaching… a waterfall? I raced to the rail as I felt the _Merry_ trying to turn. It was an awkward movement; something, some current, was slowing her and making her choppy.

"Is that a waterfall in the middle of the ocean?" I asked Nami, just to confirm that I wasn't hallucinating. She nodded.

"I didn't want to believe it, but it's there. You were right- this is the sea where sanity goes to die. Have you seen something like this before?"

"Briefly. It was in the opening scenes of the… second theme song of the show? Third? Early on in the series anyway." I ran to start adjusting the mainsail for more speed as Sanji kept turning the ship.

It's tempting to say that the waterfall didn't phase me, and I certainly didn't let the crew see that it did. Seriously, though? Inside I was screaming the whole time. It was just a _hole_ in the middle of the ocean, a great crater with sides like Niagara Falls. The crashing roar of the water was almost deafening as we were pulled closer; I could barely hear Nami shouting orders over the sound.

Mist was rising around the ship, the _Merry_ 's deck growing slick and shiny. Luffy slipped as he scrambled between lines on the mizzenmast; Zoro caught him before he fell overboard. And no matter what we did, we were being pushed slowly backwards. The wind was coming at us side on, so we couldn't catch enough of it to counter the current from the falls. I could barely see through the water splashing up, beading on my glasses. Beneath my feet, _Merry_ groaned.

"Where's all the water going?" Zoro shouted over the roar of the falls. Nami shook her head.

"I don't know! There must be a geyser somewhere, or some sort of underwater cave system!"

"How do we escape?"

"If I knew, we'd be away already! Jones?"

"Don't ask me! In the opening, it just showed the _Merry_ kind of climbing out right as she was getting pulled over the edge!" I coughed into my sleeve as I hauled another line, trying desperately to coax just a little more wind from the sails.

"A ship can't climb!" Despite the minor crisis, Nami still had time to throw an empty bottle at me. Where she got it, I don't know. It bounced off my shoulder and rolled across the deck.

"Hey! Don't litter! Can you imagine how much of a mess the Grand Line will be if every time you're pissed at someone, a piece of trash lands in the water? And if any ship can climb, it's _Merry_! Just trust me, she's special! Usopp can feel it too!"

The deck was tilting backwards; we were close to the edge, if we weren't on it already. My heart raced. Merde, merde, merde, how to get out of this? I knew what my beta reader would do- she wanted to be a pilot, so she'd find a way to make the _Going Merry_ fly. I couldn't do that though, didn't know how. Usopp slid past me, unable to keep a grip on the ever-steeper slope of the deck; Luffy grabbed the gunner with one hand so the pair of them ended up dangling from the mast.

"Ghin! Ideas?" I called out for the most experienced sailor on instinct, forgetting for a moment that he was as much of a Grand Line rookie as the rest of us. The former Krieg pirate stared at me from where he was perched- upside down- on the yard arm.

"The armada never got this far! Only thing I can think of is to put our heads between our knees and kiss our asses goodbye- and only you, Sanji, and the Don are flexible enough to pull that off!"

"Oh, bite me!"

"That would only give Sanji more fuel- he still thinks we're fucking!"

"You certainly act like it sometimes!" Nami interrupted as the ship went fully vertical. Everyone grabbed onto something, although despite our collective panic, there were no screams as the _Going Merry_ slipped backwards into the abyss. Even Johnny and Yosaku- who normally would've been quicker that way than even Usopp- were silent, staring at Ghin and I. I rolled my eyes. For the love of yaoi… Now was not the time for a running gag!

"Scree!" Ruatha wrapped himself around my neck as we went into freefall, strangling me. Black spots danced across my vision; my throat and lungs burned. I released the rail I was holding in order to detach the dragonet from my neck, falling backwards. A mesh of lines met my back before I could go overboard.

All this takes a long time to describe, but in reality, it was only a few seconds. And then came the rumbling, louder even than the roar of the waterfall. Nami's eyes went wide. "I knew it! Everyone hold on- there's a geyser!"

Almost as soon as she was done speaking, a great column of water shot up from the base of the deluge, steaming and bubbling. It hit the stern of the _Merry_ and fired us into the air. I clung to the lines around me for dear life; Ruatha's claws dug into my shoulders enough to draw blood and his tail wrapped around my neck again. Burning hot water splashed over everyone, enough to make Johnny cry out.

The ship flew out over the waterfall, flipping and spinning to make a roller coaster jealous. We went upside down at least eight times- it was hard for me to tell. If Ruatha hadn't been strangling me again, I would probably have been sick. Nami _was_ sick; luckily, she managed to vomit downwind. Luffy, meanwhile, was having a blast.

"Shishishishishi!"

SPLASH!

Thank the gods we landed right way up. Splatters of water taller than out mainmast flew up and came crashing down over the deck. But we weren't out of the woods yet. The current that had initially caught us was still going strong, dragging the ship back towards the falls and geyser. I peeled Ruatha off my neck and got back to work, staggering across the deck as if I was drunk. My eyes were spinning.

"Hold on _Merry_." I patted the ship on the rails. Even she felt nauseous, her wood trembling under my hand. Not far away, Nami was recovering from her own bout of illness.

"Sanji, turn us ninety degrees to starboard! We need to get the wind behind us, even if it means clipping around the edge of the pit!"

"Of course Nami!" Were there… Were there _hearts_ flying off of the cook? I shook my head as Sanji hauled on the whipstaff. Usopp shrieked.

"Clip the edges?! But what if we go over on our side?!"

"Jones seems to think the _Going Merry_ can just climb out! While I don't believe that, I certainly believe that it means we won't go in! Besides, if she claims to have _years_ of future knowledge, we obviously can't die here!"

"Actually, it's fully possible! I change things just be being here, let alone the ones I'm _trying_ to- my screwing up and getting someone hurt or killed is a distinct possibility!"

"Not helping!"

Dark clouds filled the sky with alarming quickness. From the look on her face, Nami didn't expect them any more than I did. That wasn't good. But they weren't doing anything yet, so I ignored them for now.

The _Merry_ leaned sharply as she caught the wind, sails filling and lines creaking. Her deck shook as she took the current side on. We swung around in a great arc, skimming along the edge of the falls without quite falling over the edge. A couple of lines snapped; Johnny and Yosaku hugged each other even as they spliced them back together.

"We're gonna die!" Despite his wailing, Usopp was fully functional, helping me adjust the mainsail. Zoro hit him over the head.

"Calm down! We're gonna be fine!"

"How can you be sure? There's a waterfall in the middle of the sea, a geyser at the bottom, and I bet there's sharks around too! How could this get any worse?"

"Don't say things like that!" My warning came too late. Usopp didn't read as much as me, probably didn't know what a movie even was… There was no way he could've known… The dark clouds crackled as I spoke, dumping icy water on everyone. Lightning flashed across the sky.

"Ruatha, spit!" My partner obeyed with glee. Usopp sputtered, wiping water and dragon saliva off his face.

"What was that for?"

"Never ask how things can get worse! They always can!"

We finally pulled free of the current on the other side of the crater, the _Merry_ popping back upright. It was still slow going, but the little caravel made better and better speed as we moved further away from those circular falls. The rain didn't let up though. I shivered; I'd take snow over rain any day. At least the snow had been _dry_. My clothes clung to my body as I finally finished my part of the adjustments for our new course.

"Having fun?" Ghin sat down beside me as I started using the solvent Yosaku had given me to wash ink from my clothes and skin. I shrugged.

"Not at the moment, but I'm sure it'll turn around soon. Oh! Before I forget- Johnny and Yosaku have been voluntold to clean the head on an indefinite basis. Don't let them forget."

The former Krieg pirate chuckled. "I'll keep an eye on them, don't worry."

X

My shin met Ghin's forearm with a burst of pain. I fell back, slipping a little on the still-slick deck. We'd been sparring for almost two hours by now; I was panting and sweating, barely able to keep up. My partner raised his eyebrows at me. "Something wrong? You usually have more energy than this."

"I'm fine. It's what we were doing earlier; running around trying to get away from that waterfall tired me out." I got ready to fight some more, only for Ghin to poke me in the forehead before pushing me down to sit on a rail.

"No. That's enough for tonight. Something's off; you may be weak and slow, but your endurance usually rivals Zoro. Although… One day you need to take those weights off while you're fighting. I'd like to see if you're any better without them." Ghin sat beside me and placed a hand on my forehead as if checking for a fever. He grunted and shrugged when he realized I didn't have one.

"Eh." I waggled a hand from side to side. "They're not all that heavy, so I don't think it'd make a difference. Although… gravity is a force. I wonder if I can use my powers to make them heavier." Maybe eventually, but how?

"Forc- oh. I think you overused your powers earlier, launching yourself around the deck after Usopp and the Don. That's why you're tired. Don't do things like that."

"Yes _mom_ ," I yawned, leaning on Ghin's shoulder. My eyelids felt so heavy… They drooped closed of their own accord. I had no idea how long we'd been sitting like that when a polite cough made me jump.

Sanji towered over us, one curly eyebrow raised in amusement. "And you two are _sure_ you're not together? You're sure look like it. Especially since Jones still won't let anyone else touch her."

Ghin shook his head and shot the cook a middle finger salute. "Fuck off Blondie. Why do you care anyway? I thought you were after Nami."

"And I am- she's so beautiful! But I can't help it if I see all the love blooming on this ship. You can't hide it from me, even if everyone else buys your denial."

"Typical Frenchman." I closed my eyes and leaned on Ghin again. Loath as I was to admit it, I was tired. "Sees romance everywhere a guy and a girl even look at each other, but doesn't mention the fact that the pranksters are-!"

"Don't even got there." Sanji held up a hand to stop me before lighting a cigarette. "I've walked in on those two too many times. When you're sleeping on deck, they shift things to the head or the hallways- wherever they can find room."

Sighing, Ghin patted my head. "I _told_ you not to go poking around at night. Not my fault you didn't listen. Now, did you just come to gossip like a fishwife? Cause no matter how many times you ask, the answer is that Jones and I aren't together that way. She's like one of the younger kids I used to look after in the gang. It'd be like making moves on my little sister."

"No, that's not why I'm here." The smell of Sanji's smoke made me cough. "I was coming to find out who's taking the prisoners their grub. Tried asking Luffy, but he and Usopp just called "not it" and took off."

"Why don't you do it yourself?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha. That's the same thing the shitty moss ball asked. No, I can't. Nami dear said I'm not allowed- something about the way I act around the princess."

Groaning, I opened my eyes and stood up. "Obviously you're here so I can do it. The plot demands that I speak with Vivi again before Whiskey Peak, eh? Where's the tray- galley?" I was on my way to fetch it before the cook could answer.

Behind my back, Sanji sighed. "Do you think we'll ever understand some of the things she says?"

"Given that a few days ago, Zoro said she was going on about a girl behind a keyboard? No idea. What's a keyboard?"

"Not a shitty clue."

Climbing down to the hold with a tray of food wasn't the easiest maneuver, but by now I had plenty of experience. Even so, I spilled some tea on my hand, hot chamomile creating a small, yellowish burn. It looked like a demented smiley face. I licked it after I'd given Vivi and Mr Nine their food; the wannabe prince sneered at me while I did so.

"Of course, the mother of beasts would act like one. Do you let your dragon lick your wounds too?"

"Funny how brave you are when Ruatha isn't around. Did it ever occur to you that a witch might be _more_ dangerous than her familiar?" I stopped my licking to fix the agent with a grin, letting my canines show. They're rather pronounced, or so I've been told.

That made Mr Nine pale. He glanced at Vivi. "Miss Wednesday… Has she- has she done anything to you?"

"What? No. Jones may talk big, but she's not a threat. Just a witch with a soft spot for animals." Vivi forced a sneer of her own, bitchy bounty hunter mask firmly in place.

I scowled, then forced an even wider grin. "Soft spot for animals, eh? True enough. But you should take care… When it comes to men rather than animals, I have some pretty hard spots. Wait… That came out wrong. Very, very wrong." My face smacked into the palm of my hand as I realized what I'd implied.

Vivi snickered. I raised my eyebrows; for some reason, I'd thought the princess would be innocent. Then again, I'd lost that sort of innocence when I was several years younger than her, and I hadn't been trying my hand at espionage. She'd had to grow up quickly in certain ways. But was this the princess or the agent laughing? Eh, it didn't matter. Meanwhile Mr Nine looked confused and a little scared. I sighed and took off my hat to run a hand through my hair.

The pair ate quietly, with Mr Nine sending me nervous looks. Vivi swallowed a bite of her dinner and gestured at my shoulder with her fork. "Where _is_ the little scale rat, anyway? I thought you did everything together."

"He's just a baby. Needs his sleep." I'd left Ruatha curled up at the base of the mast when Ghin and I were sparring.

Nodding, the princess finished her food. Dark eyes met mine. "I need to use the head."

"Just a minute. I can't leave your partner alone 'til he's bound up again."

"What?" Mr Nine snorted into his pasta. "What could I possibly do? My legs are still taped up and you took all my weapons!"

"And I can name more than a dozen people who could still cause chaos in that sort of situation. I'm well aware that you're not one of them, not a real threat, but I refuse to take a chance on you getting lucky." My voice was sharp, more so than I meant it to be. Mr Nine flinched.

When he was done eating, I taped his hands again. Zoro would be down later to take him to the head if he needed it. Then I unbound Vivi's ankles. She nodded and rose, stepping softly as she followed me. Even if her words and weapons were those of a Baroque Works agent, her body language was still that of a princess. Quiet, purposeful, smooth, firm. She'd probably spent years learning to dance, to move like that. The only other people I'd known who were similar were the senior girls when I figure skated as a child.

The door to the head clicked closed behind us; Vivi leaned back on it. "Please… I don't mean to pry, but… Whatever you know, however your crew means to save my kingdom… I want to help."

"You're amazingly quick to trust someone who won't explain where they get their information and knocked you out with a toilet seat." I sat down on the edge of the tub. "Almost anyone else would hate me- you should at least be suspicious."

Strands of turquoise hair that had come free of their ponytail fell forwards to shade the princess' eyes. Vivi sighed, a shuddering, shaking sound. "You think I'm not?" She snapped her head up to look me in the eye. This time, I held her gaze. "I don't trust you as far as I could throw you, and I'm iffy on whether I could even pick you up! But the things you know, and what you say… I'm desperate, alright? Crocodile means to take over my kingdom by way of a civil war, causing who knows how much death and destruction. I have to take every weapon I can, every sliver of hope…"

For a moment, I could say nothing. There was little _to_ say- I knew Crocodile's plans, and if Vivi's desperation was more intense than I remembered it being in the manga, I put that off to my lack of experience with situations like this. Her eyes were wet; she was trying not to cry. I observed in silence at first, unsure of what to do. Should I try to comfort her? How? There were no words to make things okay, not until after Luffy kicked Crocodile's ass and the end was in sight. Trying to placate the princess would likely only make her angry. So I settled on the mask of the jester- if I couldn't make the problem go away, I could at least make her laugh. Hopefully. So I pasted a mock scowl on my face and spoke with a vaguely singsong voice.

"Iffy on whether you cou-? Are you calling me fat?"

My words took Vivi totally off-guard. Her jaw dropped; she stared at me for a second. Then her face turned red. "I- no! Just- you're obviously built like a fighter and I'm… not. And then you carry around all those weapons and things all the time, plus your training weights." The princess looked away. "I thought you were a man at first- a short one, but still…"

"A mistake I encourage- although it probably made my searching you even more awkward. I'm sorry about that, by the way." I turned my mock scowl into a small smile. Vivi returned in kind. Then her face fell.

"I- Thank you for trying to distract me, but I'm afraid I can't stop thinking about my nation. You said something yesterday about me being one of the actively benevolent nobles- surely you understand. Someone like you… You know the future, don't you? Or parts of it. Do you have any idea how valuable that is in a situation like mine?"

"Of course I know." I took my hat off and ran a hand through my bangs. "But you don't know the whole story. You're right; I know bits of the future. But I have to be careful about how I use that knowledge, who I tell. For example, I know where Kohza and his rebels will be when we get to Alabasta. But if you go there too early, you'll probably get killed by an assassin- there are Baroque Works agents infiltrating both his organization and the royal army."

"Really? They've gotten that far?" Vivi paled, hands shaking. Then she firmed up, gritting her teeth. "If- if you know as much as you seem to, you know that's a risk I'm willing to take. I'm okay with giving my life to save my country."

"But I'm not. Your people need you- _alive_. Getting yourself killed trying to talk Kohza down won't save anyone." I put my hat back on. "If we had more people, maybe… But we're a pirate crew, not an army. We have to do things a certain way when dealing with people like Crocodile. He has all the advantages- sand logia in a desert, larger organization, the people of your country like him… We have more information than he thinks we do, which is good, and a small group can move more quickly, do things he won't expect... It's possible to get behind his lines; we'll even have a few opportunities to do something about some of his major players early."

I trailed off, wondering what would happen in Alabasta. Should I try and keep Mr Two from acquiring faces from our crew members? He was a potential future ally, so it shouldn't be a huge problem, but letting him fight Sanji with Nami's face… And what about the Spider Café? Could I do anything to it while the officer agents were having their meeting? Was it a good idea to even try?

A slap broke me out of my thoughts. I stared at the princess, stunned. She glowered back. Her hand was still raised. The slap hadn't hurt or anything, but I still reached up to rub my cheek. "What was that for?"

"What was that-?" Vivi's eyes blazed, glowing red. I was impressed, in spite of my confusion. Whatever I'd done must be pretty serious; the princess wasn't the sort of person to lose it over just anything. "You're talking about people's _lives_ , but you sound like you're planning strategies for some kind of game!"

"Actually, games like chess were invented for tacticians to improve their skills." I made a face; I hated chess… Not enough freedom to maneuver, no pieces that could replicate the effects of intelligence officers, different skill levels, fortifications… Nothing to represent lines of communication or differing terrain… _Dungeons and Dragons_ and _Kriegspiel_ were much better. My comment earned me another slap.

"How can you say things like that?"

"Because it's true. Look Princess, I'm trying to look at the big picture here. It's the only way to come up with a fool-proof strategy- and even then, the world will just find a way to make a better fool."

Third slap. Vivi really was crying now, her bright red eyes boring into my soul. "So the only way you can make a plan is by treating people like they're pieces in a game or puzzle? You're almost as much of a monster as Crocodile!"

Monster… I flinched and hung my head. Ice rushed down my spine. "Don't call me that."

"Why not? Because you happen to be on my side? That doesn't make it right!" Vivi sneered. "Or are you on _anyone_ 's side? For all I know, you're just using me, even using these pirates, to get something you want. You're right about one thing at least- your _coincidental_ knowledge of everything is suspicious. And that lion on your arm… I've seen nobles from other countries wear similar symbols. What _game_ are you playing?"

She moved to slap me again; I caught her wrist. "It's not a game. Yes, I'm a lot calmer about things than you are. I don't have an attachment to your kingdom or your people. But you need someone like that. You're too close to the issue; it's making you emotional. If you let it control you, you'll make mistakes. So no, I can't tell you anything right now. Ask me again when you can do so without attacking me." I scowled. "Besides- I thought you were desperate. Isn't that enough to get you to work with me? I swear, neither I nor anyone on this crew means your kingdom any harm."

"Just take me back to my partner and get out." Vivi refused to meet my eyes. I sighed and did as she asked.

That did _not_ go well. I climbed back up to the deck, stifling a series of coughs. Ruatha was awake when I emerged from the hatch; I patted him absently as he climbed up onto my shoulder. Inside, the ice that had poured down my spine at Vivi's words was now a roiling mess freezing my stomach. My dragon crooned and rested his chin on my head.

"Roh?"

Biting my lip, I climbed up to the yardarm. It was almost dark; the _Going Merry_ swayed gently in the last light of the sunset. "Being calm about battle and death doesn't make me a monster, does it?"

"Fus!" Ruatha snorted and licked my ear. I scratched the back of his head.

Vivi was just overreacting, taking her stress out on me because she couldn't slap Crocodile. I had to remember that. Didn't mean being called a monster didn't hurt. I sighed again. If only I'd been able to do things differently… Known what to say to make the princess feel better, to reassure her. I wasn't good at the whole empathy thing. Not with people at any rate. Animals were easier.

Hands and feet scrabbled on wood and rope. I looked up to see Zoro climbing to the crow's nest, getting ready for his watch shift. A quick wave got the bosun's attention. "You can go to bed Zoro; I'll take your watch."

The swordsman frowned. "But I always take first shift. Did something happen with the prisoners?"

"Managed to piss off the princess because I'm better at tactics than empathy; trying to stew in guilt."

"On the yardarm?"

"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?"

Zoro shrugged. "You're a Devil Fruit user, so it's not the best idea. You make people uncomfortable enough sleeping on deck. Not that I blame you for wanting to avoid the…" The swordsman trailed off, realizing that what he called Nami as an insult was my preferred title.

"I'll be alright. But… Tell Usopp and Yosaku I'll take their shifts too. Stewing in guilt can take me a while."

"But not long enough that you need Ghin's predawn shift too?"

That made me snort. "As if he'd let me. He needs to spend some time with Ace and Sabo- they can exchange tips on how to be awkwardly doting, overprotective pirate brothers."

A brief silence followed. Then Zoro huffed and started climbing down the mast. "Fine. I'll tell Usopp and Yosaku, but someone'll be up to check on you regularly, just in case." The swordsman shook his head before disappearing from my view. Before he went below decks, I heard his voice muttering in irritation. "Great. How'm I supposed to nap tomorrow if I get a good night's sleep? The cook'll never let me hear the end of it."

Hours passed, uneventful and cold. My legs went numb, sitting up where I was; there wasn't a lot of room on the yardarm to move around. Every once in a while I saw someone poke their head up from the main hatch, checking to make sure I hadn't fallen into the water. It was a different person each time, although Ghin was more frequent than anyone else. I tried training Ruatha as the night went on, although there wasn't much I could do without moving around. He managed to learn "high five" and "shake" though.

Whether I was working with my dragon or just sitting there, though, I kept going back to that conversation with Vivi. What should I have said instead? How do you reassure a princess whose country is gearing up for civil war? Should I have said more about what was going on? Told her where I came from? I didn't want to do that for anyone outside the crew- Vivi was an honorary Straw Hat, but she still wouldn't be sailing with us forever. Plus, she would have regular dealings with other governments and high ranking marines- unavoidable for a noble- so the less she knew, the less everyone was at risk if something went wrong. Not that I was even sure what the risks were, not in this case…

Erg. This was making my head hurt. I didn't even know how to comfort someone whose boyfriend had broken up with them. Merde. This people thing was hard.

Even without a clock, I could tell when four o'clock in the morning rolled around. That was when the night went from cold to unbearable, my insides starting to shiver. I yawned once, and suddenly couldn't stop. My brain kept trying to check out; I bit myself on the hand every time to keep myself awake. Rocking back and forth helped a little, but not much. Both eyes ached.

All-nighters are a bitch.

A poke to the forehead stopped my rocking before I could tumble off the yardarm. Ghin grabbed me by the shoulder and shook me, hard. "Jones… Go get some sleep."

"But I'm not tired Mommy." Bull _moose_ shit. I could barely think straight, let alone keep my eyes open.

"Oh really?" Ghin shoved me off the yard in such a way that I smashed into the deck. It woke me up; had to give him that. I groaned and coughed, but otherwise didn't move. Ghin dropped down beside me. "It's almost dawn and you've been up all night. Get some sleep, or when Sanji sees you napping in random places cause you're so tired, I'll tell him you and Zoro switched bodies."

"Now I'm tempted to stay up just to see his reaction." I raised my head. A thin line of orange was starting to form on the horizon; dawn. "It's okay. I've done this sort of thing before. Gimme a few hours and I'll get my second wind. Second brain? Whatever it is that I need to stay awake all day."

"And you'll be just as out of it as if you were drunk. What if we get in a fight?" Ghin nudged me with his foot.

"I'll be _fine_. When I was in my undergrad, I wrote some _spectacular_ essays on days like this. Everything from the warriors' code to Tom Cruise movies."

"From the way you're saying that, I'm guessing both those topics were in the same piece? And that they probably shouldn't have been?"

" _Maybe_ …" Something strange was blocking out the line of orange, small and lumpy. I felt like I should know the shape, but nothing was coming to mind.

Ghin squinted into the dawn's light. "Are those cactuses?"

"Cacti." I was suddenly wide awake- although probably not for long. "The proper pluralization is cacti. And if that's really what's there, it means two things. First, we'll be at Whiskey Peak in a few hours."

My brain drifted out for a moment, prompting Ghin to poke me in the forehead. "And second?"

"Second? Oh, right… Second means that someone needs to check the anchor chain, cause I'm sure that wasn't there at sunset. We're drifting."


	10. Omake the First

**Okay, for once I'm breaking my 10,000+ words per chapter rule to bring you this omake. Why? Because I'm feeling down and the next actual chapter is being a major pain in the ass to write, so I needed something short and silly to take my mind off things.**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you. And even when Vivi learns Jones is right, that doesn't necessarily mean they'll get along much better. As for scenes with Ghin and Ace, I have things planned.**

 **Dragondancer81: Heh, I'm glad. ^_^ You guys have no idea how worried I was about that last chapter. I honestly think it's one of the weaker ones.**

 **Lightsbane1905: Actually, aside from the mid-ocean waterfall-geyser, Paradise weather seems normal to me. Just a few days ago I had to walk to school through a thunder blizzard. I've seen snowstorms in July, 30 Celsius temperatures in January, and rainstorms that poured on one side of my house while leaving the other completely dry. Hail-nados are also common.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Heh, thank you.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Yes, the older dragons were quite smart. Ruatha's intelligence is currently about even with a large dog, or maybe a young toddler. He'll be getting smarter as things go on.**

 **Xipholynx: Yeah… Cliffhanger… *shiftily glances away and whistles* And while it would be funny if Jones slept through things, that's obviously not going to happen— otherwise that chapter would be a lot shorter.**

 **Storyteller222: Thank you.**

 **H20 Ferrum Dominus: Thank you very much. Unfortunately, I can't promise no more of those moments, although there won't be too many.**

 **Xanarin: Wow. *collapses under snowdrift of comments* So… 1) I wrote Luffy being mature about that because I figured years of living with Ace and his issues would have an impact. 2) Thank you! I'm glad you found those things funny. 3) As far as Jones' sexuality goes, I do think of it using the term gender fluid, but I didn't put it in those words right away because yes, some people get touchy about terminology. 4) Zoro's supposedly sound advice was actually just a movie reference— and the fact that the reference I was actually going for with Ruatha is older than both of your ideas makes me feel old. 5) When it comes to implying Johnny and Yosaku are an item, I've done so a at least twice; Sanji's reaction was supposed to be more along the lines of him not reacting well to having walked in on them than a comment about his beliefs regarding sexuality. As for my version of the One Piece world's stance on homosexuality— varies by island, since many of them seem to have different cultures. I'll address it when it's relevant. And the hard spots joke was a somewhat forced movie reference, although admittedly it's funnier when a guy says it than a girl…THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER IS RATED S FOR SPOILERS**

 _From the writer who brought you- actually never mind, this is her first story- comes a fanfiction that shows the Fourth Wall almost as much respect as_ Deadpool _does:_ Twelve Red Lines _._

I looked up from where I was writing in the ship's log. "Really, other me, really? An Honest Trailer of a fanfiction? How does that even work?" Despite my words, I was grinning. "Eh, fine, whatever. Sounds fun; let's do this shit."

 _…Wait, you heard that?_

"Of course I did! Didn't you _just_ mention the Fourth Wall thing?" Although admittedly this was _much_ further than we usually took that gag.

 _…I see your point. Moving on._

 _Slip into the Spielberg-reference fedora and Disney-villain colour scheme of Jones, a graduate student struggling with depression and anxiety… that mostly seem to be an issue when talking to adults who don't mean her any real harm. When a poorly explained bad day causes her to break down and attempt suicide, she'll instead end up in the world of_ One Piece _. Because, you know, all geeks go to heaven, or something like that._

"Actually, no. As much as I thought I was in some sort of twisted afterlife at first, I'm not Christian and don't really believe in heaven. If an afterlife described as the coils of Patoll, the serpent who ends all things doesn't make sense to you, think of it as a sort of Valhalla, but where you have to go get your own drinks instead of being served by ladies from a Wagner opera. And the host is a giant snake god with odd taste in music."

 _That's more detail than we typically go into in-story you know. The readers might be confused- I've been trying to avoid that._

"No, you've been avoiding it because you don't want anyone flaming your fic about our beliefs- even though you've been shoehorning our sexuality into things and gotten nothing but support. As for the confusion bit… If you're _actually_ worried about that, give me some flashbacks or a backstory chapter or something."

 _Maybe, maybe. Look, can we just get back to the trailer?_

"Be my guest."

 _Join her on her epic quest to both screw canon and keep things similar enough that she can predict events- while at the same time constantly forgetting important details like that you should pick up a landing craft in case your ship can't enter every little river or bay, or take your training weights off before getting into a serious fight._

"How many times do I need to explain? High INT, low WIS! I don't _have_ common sense, and since this is an SI, neither do you!"

 _You have a point there. Mind explaining why we're both so proud of this, then?_

"No idea; ask your counsellor. And get back to the trailer already."

 _But Jones isn't doing this alone. As well as the canon Straw Hats there are a number of familiar faces boarding the_ Going Merry _, as well as an all-new friend. Meet Ruatha, a dragon who can't decide whether he has the brain of a dog, a cat, or a human toddler. He's a forced_ Dragonriders of Pern _reference that Jones can do anything with- except, you know, ride. Because he's just a baby right now._

 **Thunderous wind whipped up on either side of my head as my dragon raised his wings in an upstroke. I gripped my hat with one hand, holding on tight to Ruatha's back with my legs and other arm. "You sure you can do this bud? I mean, you've never flown with a rider before…"**

 **"SHARARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ruatha's answer made my crew mates cover their ears. He swept his wings downwards and jumped, launching us into the air over the chasm. I grinned as the world fell away. Okay, this was amazing. The wind, the** _ **freedom**_ **… Tabarnak, if I could do this on my own, I'd never come down. Ruatha was barely off the ground and I'd almost forgotten what we were here for, so caught up in my first taste of flight.**

 **Almost.**

 **Across the divide, our targets certainly hadn't forgotten. While most of them were stoic and calculating as they waited to see what the rest of our crew would do, the leader was panicking. He waved his arms around like a useless chicken, his eyes wide with fear and confusion. "Hurt them, hurt them!"**

 **My grin grew wider as Ruatha and I came up level with the balcony. The only way this could be better would be if my dragon could carry more than one person at once. Maybe in a couple of months. "Let's see how you bastards deal with it when** _ **we're**_ **the ones with air superiority… Ruatha, spit!"**

I blinked, startled by the images that flashed across my mind's eye. "Okay, what in the Nine _bloody_ Hells was that?"

 _This_ is _a trailer. It's only fair that I show some teasers of future footage. And some past footage too, just to mess with people. Anyway, back to the cheesy narration._

 _While struggling to find her place in this world of adventure, Jones faces enemies both old and new- as well as some people who aren't enemies, but are ticked off at her anyway. But all this pales against the most annoying, frustrating, and integral person in Jones' life- her own writer. Watch as a relationship that should be straightforward and invisible dissolves into jabs at each other's life choices, an arms race over shenanigans and song lyrics, and the occasional comment that makes even the Straw Hats think this girl is mad._

"Actually, so far I haven't done much that comes across as crazy _at all_. At least, according to one reader."

 _I know what's coming; you don't. Just shut it. HAH! How does it feel to be on the receiving end for once?_

"You know, I'm usually more polite about it. Subtle too." I flipped open my Swiss Army Knife to dig tar from beneath my nails.

 _…I hate you so much right now._

"Feeling's mutual. Just go to the cast."

 _Fine. Starring…_

 _What happens when Indiana Jones and Deadpool have a kid somehow._ **My opponent swung his sword around in some sort of ridiculously flashy display that had me automatically looking for Buggy. I rolled my eyes. Really? Then again, it was the perfect chance to try and re-enact one of my favourite movie scenes. I pulled out my pistol and fired. Of course, this being me, I also missed by a mile, the bullet ricocheting off a nearby garbage can before smashing a window and embedding itself in what appeared to be a chocolate cake. The occupants of the house screamed; my opponent started laughing.**

 **"Bwehehehehehehe! Really? You missed that badly? You suck!"**

 **Trying to shoot him again would take too long- I'd never taken less than four shots to get someone, and I was on a schedule. So while he was distracted by laughter, I launched myself over and delivered a force-charged punch to his face. He went down like a tree; I huffed. "Shouldn't have brought a sword to a fistfight."**

 _Dungeons and Dragons._ **Eventually, the already enormous corridor widened out into an absolutely gargantuan cavern. I swear it took up half the mountain. Stalactites thicker than my waist hung down from the ceiling like jagged fangs; stalagmites rising from the floor towered over my head. The air was damp; a few openings somewhere above let in tiny shafts of light. At one side of the chamber Apis was crouched, partially hidden behind a boulder. She was speaking in a low voice.**

 **"I missed you too Grandpa Ryu. Here; I knew you'd be hungry, so I brought pork buns." Her words were punctuated by wet gobbling noises. Beside me, Luffy's face fell. I had to stifle a giggle at the sight, how devastated he looked upon learning that we couldn't get the buns back. Adorable.**

 **"What're you doing up here Apis?" Nami asked as we approached the boulder. The little girl jumped and spun to face us.**

 **"Ah! Stay back!"**

 **It was too late; we were too close. Luffy and Nami froze as what at first looked like a cracked ridge of rock shifted, green and brown scales scraping across dark stone. A watery golden eye opened. Then a growl rumbled from within that great chest. As for me… Well, no amount of having expected this could hold back my natural reaction. I'd been reading stories about dragons since I was five years old; for me, this was the stuff of dreams.**

 _Literary terms._ **Unreliable Narrator: a narrator who, intentionally or unintentionally, fails to provide an accurate report of events, and whose credibility is therefore compromised.**

 _High school physics- but cooler._ **I grinned and stepped in with a punch to his floating ribs, discharging force as I went. My opponent staggered backwards into a wall, hard enough to damage it; I was knocked back too, but not as much.**

 **"What was that?" the hammer wielder groaned. My grin grew wider.**

 **"Newton's second law of motion in action." I considered this as I kicked my opponent in the temple. "Actually, that's not a bad name. Newton's Second."**

 _And… Spoiler Alerts!_ **And that lovely image did it. I lost what little control I had left. "Sesehihihihihi! Sorry Captain, spoilers." Hopefully he wouldn't bug me to tell him what I knew that could possibly make his brother's death funny. But this was Luffy, so I was pretty sure a spoiler alert would be enough to get him to change the topic. He was worse than a** _ **Game of Thrones**_ **fan that way.**

 **"Gah! No spoilers! Shush!" Hah, worked like a charm. Instead of pursuing the subject, Luffy took off towards our cook. "Sanji! Meat!"**

X

A loud wail drew me out of my thoughts; Luffy slammed into the deck beside me hard enough to shake it. Sanji appeared in the doorway of the galley, smoke rings swirling angrily around his head. "I already told you, not until dinner! Stay out of the kitchen, Shitty Rubber!"

"Aww…" The captain rubbed his head and turned to me. "Oh, hey Jones! Who're you talking to?"

"What?" No one. I hadn't been talking to anyone. Couldn't he tell? There was no one else out here right now.

"There were two voices- I heard you when I was tryna get some brownies. So… Where's your friend?"

"No- Nowhere." This was confusing. Who could Luffy possibly have heard? Did we have a stowaway? "What did the voice sound like?"

"Kinda like yours, but less… sore? Like you did before we got Sanji."

Wait… The gas-and-ammonia stunts at the _Baratie_ and Arlong Park had changed my voice? I'd done _that_ much damage to my windpipe? Why hadn't I noticed? Eh, not important… Luffy must've heard my conversation with my writer. But wasn't that all in my head? I didn't think I'd spoken aloud. Score one for the captain who hears the Voice of All Things.

"Sesehihihihihi! It's nothing, Captain. Just talking to myself."


	11. Satire

**Satire: a literary genre or mode that uses irony, wit, and sometimes sarcasm to expose humanity's vices and foibles**

 **Lightsbane1905: No, there won't be any telepathy or popping Between, no need to worry. The Devil Fruits needed to replicate either of those abilities are already taken, and I can't think of one that would allow for both. And yes, I think Luffy would enjoy hearing the story of Ching Shih.**

 **Xipholynx: Luffy can only hear the writer during omakes, for now at least. You're right; having him hear her all the time would be confusing for him-and possibly for us too! And trust me, I have no intention of burning myself out. The official update schedule for this fic is "whenever I have a new chapter that I'm at least mostly satisfied with." Could be only a few days between updates, could be several months.**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you.**

 **Sheepskate: Sesehihihihihihi! I'm glad you're so excited. Do you think people would enjoy an Epic Rap Battles of One Piece omake next time I'm in that sort of mood?**

 **Smile4-theWorld: Thank you. And if that's what you imagined during the omake, I can consider it successful.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you very much. ^_^**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thank you.**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you. And that's a neat concept— I'll check your fic out one of these weekends when I have more time.**

 **Guest: Thank you. That means the omake was successful.**

 **WaterStar45: Thank you. And I'm sorry about Vivi— I know my portrayal of her is pretty far from canon. I have an interesting problem when writing her, actually. See, when I write a character doing or saying something, I sort of get an image of them in my head and watch it like a video— I'm not so much making up the scene as watching and recording it, if that makes sense. That's what it feels like, anyway. But with Vivi, I get this massive influx of images of other people that come in and try to overlay her— Princess Jasmine, Princess Buttercup, Rapunzel, and Princess Anna are the usual culprits. So yes, I know my Vivi is off, and I'm sorry if anyone is bothered by this. *apologetic bow***

 **TheRealEvanSG: Thank you very much. Well, you need wait no longer for Whiskey Peak. I hope it doesn't disappoint.**

 **wildcat2636: Thank you. And I'll try.**

Zoro dove to check the anchor while Sanji was making breakfast. The swordsman stayed under for almost ten minutes- longer than I'd known anyone to dive before. Not that anyone I spent time with on Earth had been much into swimming. He clung to the bottom of the ladder, wiping sopping bangs out of his face. "It's fine! The chain's intact- the anchor just fouled and came unhooked from the bottom. I told you not to let Johnny and Yosaku touch important stuff!"

"How was I supposed to know they'd screw up dropping anchor?" Nami called back. "That should be impossible- even Jones got it on the first try! And they're competent enough on the lines!"

"It was hooked fine last night! Something must've moved it!" Yosaku yelped indignantly. Johnny nodded.

"Yeah! Anchors foul and get pulled up all the time!" He was correct; the _Going Merry_ had an admiralty-pattern anchor, with rigid flukes that had a tendency to stick up and snag anchor lines when currents shifted. It was probably just bad luck that the first time this happened to us, it was on Johnny and Yosaku's heads.

"Quit making excuses; this is serious! If the anchor doesn't hold properly and we get hit by a strong current, we could get pushed way off course! Or worse!" Nami turned and punched the pair. There were twin hollow thuds as fists met skulls.

"Sorry Big Sis…" Both hunters knelt on the deck, rubbing their heads. I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle laughter.

That earned _me_ a blow to the head- one which, in my exhausted state, I was too slow to dodge. A dull ache bloomed across my forehead in the wake of Nami's fist. "This isn't funny Jones! You may know the people and places ahead, but you have no idea how to deal with currents and weather!"

"Sesehihihihihi! But it _is_ funny!"

The navigator glared at me, hands on her hips. "And why is that? What makes this so funny?"

"I- I don't know!" I staggered as my brain tried to check out again. Ghin caught me and held me upright; Nami shook her head.

"Did you stay up all night? Idiot… Go have a nap or something."

"But we'll be at Whiskey Peak soon! There's gonna be a party- I hate parties, you know, but there'll be lots of good food and a big fight afterwards. I like fighting…" I grinned and closed my eyes; if Ghin hadn't been there, I would've slid right down onto the deck.

"Is Big Sis _whining_?" Johnny's voice was full of disbelief. His words were followed by a rustling noise; I assume it was Yosaku nodding.

"I think so Bro. Never thought I'd see the day…"

Nami didn't dignify me with a verbal response. Instead, she gave me a solid whack on the head. I opened my eyes and rubbed the abused spot, considering whether or not to discharge the force right back at her. Just thinking about my powers in this state caused them to go off, launching me away from Ghin with a mighty sneeze. I rolled across the deck, coming to rest lying on my stomach by Sanji's feet. The cook sighed.

"How long 'til we get there?" Luffy wanted to know. His hands were planted on the rails as he bounced up and down. Nami squinted at the cactus shaped hills on the horizon.

"With current wind conditions… Four hours. We'll be there just before lunch."

"So, plenty of time for Jones to have a nap after breakfast." Ghin marched over to me and nudged me with his foot, probably in the hopes that I would feel like getting up. I did not. Instead, I waved a hand above my head while yelling into the deck.

"I refuse! No naps!"

Silence. I raised my head to see everyone staring at me. Well, except Luffy; he was still watching Whiskey Peak, picking his nose as he did so. As for everyone else… From Zoro to Johnny, each one had a bead of sweat trickling down from their temple. Yosaku cleared his throat. "Ehm… So… Lack of sleep turns Big Sis into a three-year-old?"

"Apparently…" Johnny looked disappointed. I blinked up at everyone in confusion.

"Eh? Guys? What's wrong? I don't get it."

"You don't need to." Ghin picked me up by the back of my bandanna, kind of like a mother cat with one of her kittens. "All you need to know is that after you eat something, you're going to sleep. I'll wake you up when we get close to the island."

"But I can't sleep! I have to warn you not to hurt the guy with the saxophone- he's Vivi's guard. And don't let Mr Nine out yet. And don't hurt Miss Monday either- she's not a friend, but she's still kinda good. She's the one who can match Zoro at arm wrestling and looks it. Oh! But she'll be dressed up as a nun for the drinking contest…"

Nami shook her head. "Telling us where you came from right away was probably one of the smartest things I've seen you do. If you'd had to keep all the things you know a secret, you'd have outed yourself right there."

"Hey! I resent that! I can keep secrets if I wanna- still haven't told anyone what I'm planning to try and save the fireball, not even the readers." Undaunted by the increasingly confused looks I was receiving, I held a finger to my lips. "Sh… If I think too loudly, they'll know."

Zoro groaned and rubbed his temples. "All in favour of never letting Jones stay up all night again?"

" _ **AYE!**_ " The whole crew answered in unison.

My response was to stick out my tongue and kick at Ghin, trying to make him put me down. It failed; he was holding me out far enough that my strikes couldn't reach him. I hate being short… My mind blanked out for a moment. When I regained control, it was just in time to receive a staff to the head from Nami. Apparently, my squirming and whining pissed her off. I pouted and rubbed my bruised skull.

"What was that for?"

"If you know there's a fight coming, why are you being so stubborn? You'll be useless if you're falling asleep the whole time!"

Useless… That word stung; it was too close to unnecessary. I scowled at the navigator. "Not useless! I bet I can take out more Baroque Works agents than you, tired or not!"

"Sorry, I don't take sucker bets. You train to fight; I don't. Unlike you, I'm happy on support. Plus, even if I _was_ willing to take it, you're broke. Who _knows_ when you'd manage to pay me back if I actually won?" Nami shook her head and sighed. "Look, if you don't want to nap now, fine. You can get all your slap-happy whining out in this fight you think's coming. Stay away from me until then- you're annoying like this."

"Okie-dokie Loki!" As the navigator strode away, I rolled across the deck- no reason, I just felt like it. Ruatha chased me, snapping at my ankles.

My brain was still trying to blank out every few minutes, leading to a frequent sensation of falling, almost fainting. Honestly, I wasn't confident I could stand for long, let alone fight. But my pride as a warrior wouldn't let me sit it out. Whiskey Peak would be a great chance to test my powers in combat- assuming I could stay awake. Although… What should I do about the party? Fake sleep? Real sleep would be too dangerous with how tired I was; I might not wake up on time. How was I supposed to pretend I was enjoying myself in the middle of a raging mass of loud, drunken enemies though? I'd need to do _something_ to keep myself awake.

And what about Igaram? Should I warn him about Robin? He'd survive being blown up- or at least, there was a high chance he would- so it wasn't a priority. But Vivi might like me better… Ergh, I should've decided on that while I was more awake. I could barely think clearly right now. That's it, no more all-nighters for me. Bad Dobby…

Lying down made it difficult to stay awake, so I sat up and leaned against one of the rails. Even so, I had to bite my hand a few times to keep myself conscious. Ruatha cooed and butted his head against mine. I scratched him behind the ears and stared at the sky in a daze as the sun rose higher, my eyes spinning. It didn't take me long to lose track of time. Hours passed. The only thing I was aware of beyond my dragon and my own heavy eyelids was Luffy occasionally making comments and asking questions at the bow.

"Are those rocks or giant cactuses?" I didn't even have the energy to correct my captain's grammar.

X

"The cactus spikes look funny. Some of them are shaped like crosses." Which meant that at least some fragment of the _One Piece_ world was Christian, despite Christ and his followers never having existed here. I wonder how that worked.

X

"Are we there yet?" No one answered.

X

"Jones, Ruatha's tryna eat your hat again." Thank you, Captain, I couldn't tell that despite my hand being on the dragonet's head. I slapped the hatchling's rump and pinned him to the deck with one hand.

X

"Oh look, dolphins!"

X

"Sanji, is it time for lunch yet?" This one was followed by a muffled yell of denial from the galley.

X

"Ah! Whale spout! It's far away though…"

X

"The islands in the south are warm! Paina puru-puru~ Their heads are hot, and they're all idiots! The islands in the north are cold! Hyakkoi koi-koi~ Their heads shiver all around, and they're idiots!"

X

"That's a lot of people…" Luffy's unusually quiet voice made me look up. I frowned at the shore. We were almost there now, the long, narrow inlet of Whiskey Peak's harbour stretching out before us. High banks on either side supported a little town that looked like a pile of Lego bricks, all the buildings low boxes of white adobe. Movement flickered between the buildings, although I wasn't sure if it was caused by tumbleweeds or if I was starting to hallucinate.

Sleep deprivation can do that to you.

A hundred people stood at the side of the harbour, which was what had prompted Luffy's comment. I wasn't sure whether to agree with him or not. The town I'd grown up in had about the same population as Whiskey Peak, so I was inclined to say that yes, a hundred was a large number. At the same time, I'd gone to a university where you could have more than six hundred people in a class, and I'd visited cities that had populations in the _millions_. I wasn't sure if _any_ city in this world had that many people.

The whole crew gathered on deck as the _Going Merry_ pulled in to shore and dropped anchor. Luffy was the first one to disembark, leaping to land in front of a towering figure with a long face and hair like an Age of Enlightenment Frenchman. Igaram. My captain beamed and stuck out his hand in greeting.

"Hi! I'm Monkey D Luffy and we're th-!"

"Igarappa!" Igaram interrupted my captain by blowing into his saxophone, firing a hail of bullets at Luffy. They all bounced off in different directions, tearing holes through nearby buildings and a corner of our mainsail. That seemed to be some sort of signal, as the other Whiskey Peak bounty hunters immediately raced to attack both captain and ship.

Holding his hat on with one hand, Luffy jumped over a swinging sword. "Huh. That's not what Jones said… Guys, I think we should fight now and party later! Jones got it backwards!"

I- I did? It certainly looked that way. But how? The welcoming party at Whiskey Peak was supposed to put us off guard so they could capture us and turn in Luffy's- Luffy's bounty. Which he didn't _have_ , so they probably thought we were just another ship full of fresh meat, not strong enough that they needed to trick us. _Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge_! How many consequences was me gassing _one_ platoon of marines going to have?

Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin dove into the fray immediately, with Johnny and Yosaku a beat behind them. Usopp's knees were shaking as he moved to follow. "You sure you need me Luffy? You guys seem to have this under pretty good control…"

The rubber captain looked at the gunner as if he was stupid. Ouch. "Why're you coming down? Didn't you say snipers were supposed to take people out far away? That's how you beat everyone in the snowball fight!"

Usopp looked stunned. "I'm allowed to do that?" Everyone answered him in unison.

" _ **YES**_!" The echo of our combined yells made him jump. The sniper scampered up to the crow's nest to get the best view he could for picking off targets from the edge of the mass.

Nami seemed perfectly happy to stay back and keep anyone from boarding the ship, but I wasn't. Removing Samsung from my utility belt so it wouldn't get hurt, I prepared for battle. A sai in one hand, the other free, vault over the side of the _Merry_ and land hard to get an initial charge of force… I tried to leave Ruatha on the _Merry_ , not wanting him to get hurt, but the little dragon shrieked and jumped off the rail to land on my shoulder. Blue eyes glared at me from point blank range.

"No! You're too little- stay on the ship."

"Scrrrrr!" Ruatha dug his claws into my shoulder and refused to budge. I sighed.

"Fine, but be careful. Mommy's gotta fight now, and she doesn't want you getting hurt. And don't get in the way, either. You're too little to be on the battlefield."

"Sha!"

First priority- get people away from the ship so not too many bounty hunters would get past to harass Nami and Usopp. And for once, it seemed that Luffy, Zoro, and I were on the same wavelength. As I released force through my feet to create a mini-shockwave- like I had with the snow- the captain and bosun released their own far more devastating attacks.

"Gum-Gum Whip!"

"Tatsumaki!"

Some bounty hunters stumbled on the suddenly uneven ground, or staggered back as dirt was thrown up in their faces. Many more were knocked flying by a shiny, stretched leg that swept across most of the battlefield. It was the wind from Zoro's swords that truly broke their ranks though, throwing the bounty hunters back and scattering many of them into nearby streets. Sanji grumbled as he was forced to chase after the spear-wielder he'd been fighting.

"Stupid Marimo! Have a little respect for the people without shitty area attacks, will you?"

"Make me, Pervy Chef!" I _still_ wanted to know how Zoro spoke with a sword in his mouth. One of these days I would remember to ask.

I saw Igaram out of the corner of my eye as I ducked under a swinging sword, my knee coming up into its wielder's crotch. Hopefully everyone would remember what I'd said about him and Miss Monday. There was no time to think about that though. Follow up knee attack by clapping over both ears to induce pain and disorientation; finish with strike to temple. As soon as I'd downed the guy with the sword, I found myself being charged by a hulk of a man with a giant war hammer. My mind blanked out as I went to dodge; when I regained my senses, it was just in time for the hammer to crash into my- well given the size of the weapon, into my everything. And… not hurt? For something that was so heavy, it had less power behind it than one of Ghin's punches. That, or I was getting more efficient at absorbing force. The man holding the hammer stared down at me in shock. I grinned and stepped in with a punch to his floating ribs, discharging force as I went. My opponent staggered backwards into a wall, hard enough to damage it; I was knocked back too, but not as much.

"What was that?" the hammer wielder groaned. My grin grew wider.

"Newton's second law of motion in action." I considered this as I kicked my opponent in the temple. "Actually, that's not a bad name. Newton's Second."

I spun and dove into a knot of Baroque Works agents, my fuzzy head making me forget that I really shouldn't let myself get surrounded. Fists, bats, a mallet… Numerous weapons descended upon me at the same time. I deflected the bat that was coming for my head, wood pinging off the steel of my sai; the others, I allowed to hit. Not that I could've avoided them all anyway. I could feel bruises blooming as the force I didn't manage to absorb sang through my bones. But I got enough of it.

"Newton's Second!" This time I discharged through a back kick, sending the person behind me flying. The recoil made me tumble into the batter standing in front of me; I used it to tackle him into the ground. Okay, these powers were officially fun. I loved this.

The remaining agents from the group decided to all attack me at once, even though they'd just failed at doing exactly that. For two of them, that decision was their downfall. Distracted by coming after me, they didn't notice Ghin coming in behind them. His spinning tonfa launched them sky high as the former Krieg pirate shot me a disappointed look and shook his head. "Jones… You're usually smarter than this."

I ignored him in favour of grabbing the last person from the group as they punched me. What in the past would've been a head shot that sent me reeling became a great opportunity to snatch the guy's arm when he hesitated. Guess he was expecting me to fall over or something. I grinned and brought him down and around over my hip, throwing him into a wall that looked suspiciously flicker-y. It was just an ordinary wall though, as evidenced by the crunching sound he made when he hit it. The flickers must be hallucinations.

"This is awesome! Damage reduction versus blunt weapons rocks!" I pumped my fist in the air. Ruatha let out a trill of agreement- or at least, I think that's what it was. Nearby, Luffy's giggle echoed off the walls.

"Shishishishi! I know!"

"Show offs!" Yosaku's shout was punctuated by a sound that may or may not have been him getting hit in the head with a quarterstaff. Although not Nami's, since she was still back on the ship.

Snipers were starting to move to the rooftops, men and women with muskets and, in a couple of cases, longbows. As soon as they appeared, small projectiles began arcing through the sky and slamming into their heads and quivers. Everything from eggs to little balls of fire rained down. It was too bad Usopp was too far away to participate in the mid-battle banter.

Another momentary black out- although I think this one saved my bacon. When I regained my senses, I was falling to the ground, a sword swishing over my head. Maudit… My writer's friend Murphy overheard my comment about blunt damage. I pushed off the ground even as I hit it, eschewing proper break fall technique- and was rewarded with a small charge of force running up my arms. Gods above and below, this might be even _better_ than if it had been the _Star Wars_ Force. Something like that should've killed my wrists!

"Fus!" Ruatha apparently shared the same opinion, since he winced in my stead as I bounced to my feet. I pulled out my second sai, bringing the pair up just in time to block another strike from the blade. This was followed by a stab that slid past my guard- they're harder to block than slashes- and got me in the leg, just above my perpetual whittling wound. I rolled my eyes; seriously?

Blood trickled down my leg; the injury stung. Ruatha let out a coo of concern. "Roh…"

"It's fine bud. I'm used to being stabbed in the leg, and he didn't hit anything important." If he had, I would've lost balance immediately, or bled a lot more. I managed to catch the next sword strike in the yoko of my right sai, snapping my wrist with a turn and flick I'd only ever seen, never practiced. It didn't break the blade- clearly, I was missing something from the technique- but it did force the swordsman's arm far out to one side, creating a large opening for me to knock him out. My rider bobbed his head and tried to roar in celebration.

"Dah!"

I wasted precious seconds of time turning my head to stare at the baby dragon. "Did you just…?"

"Dah!" Ruatha exclaimed again, as an approaching fist interrupted my thoughts. I took the blow and reached up to give the attacker a force-charged palm strike.

"Head-On! Apply directly to the forehead!" No, that didn't sound nearly as good. I'd stick with Newton's Second. Although the man's expression of stunned confusion as he was thrown away was hilarious. There was a clang of steel on brick as the sai I'd dropped to launch the attack landed by my foot. I picked it up and slipped it back into my belt.

A shadow flickered at the corner of my eye; I lashed out on instinct. It was just a hallucination though. Oh, the joys of not sleeping. Then a line of burning pain raked across my lower back, a shallow, stinging wound. I spun to face this new attacker, but was knocked flying by a fist the size of a butterball turkey. That impact didn't hurt, but my landing did. Too much force to absorb all at once; I fell on my butt with a barely audible crunch. A jolt of pain ran up my spine. Tabarnak. I remembered that sort of injury from the past; I'd had six from skating and one from parkour. And while it wasn't much of a problem now, tomorrow was gonna be a bitch.

Before I could stand, Zoro bulled in from the side and took out my attackers. "Oi! It's rude to attack from behind!" He dispatched the enemy swordsman with an Oni Giri, bringing his blades around almost faster than the eye could follow to take the boxer with a Tora Gari. "You alright Jones?"

"Fuck off! I'm fine!" I winced a little as I stood, automatically supressing the pain. "It's nothing I haven't felt before; there's no such thing as a figure skater who hasn't broken their tailbone at least once." Or at least, so my mom always said.

Off between the buildings, I caught a glimpse of Sanji going after Igaram. "Oi! Remember what I said about the one with the saxophone!"

"Of course Jones! Don't worry; you can count on me!"

Something whizzed by my ear as I was distracted- an arrow. Usopp couldn't get all the snipers at once, no matter how good of a shot he was. The arrow didn't touch me, but it sliced a bloody line along Ruatha's flank. My baby yelped and keened, surprised at being hurt. I snarled and glared up at the offending archer.

"Oh, you _didn't_."

Red clouded my vision; you _do not_ hurt Ruatha in front of me, bitch, even if it's only superficial. He's not even a week old; he can't fight back! I reached for my pistol. BANG! The first round I got off went _far_ to the left- my mind tried to blank out again and I stumbled to the side. My ears rang from the sound. BANG! BANG! Two more shots; the first went over my target's head, while the second was too low and bounced off the edge of the roof she was standing on. But my fruit came in handy here too. I was absorbing the recoil from each shot, which kept my hand from flying around and making my aim even worse.

"Ah! Come on already!" BANG! Angry and not thinking, I pulled the trigger again without aiming at all. In fact, I think my gun was pointed at a nearby street sign. There was a ping of metal bouncing off metal, followed by a wet thud. An instant later, the archer slumped forwards where she stood. Blood ran down the wall of the building.

"Eh?" For a moment, I was frozen. She was… dead. Not a named character, not someone I'd considered important… I knew nothing about this archer. Didn't know if she'd had a family, if she'd had any dreams… But she was shooting at me and my baby, probably meant to kill one if not both of us. She'd succeeded in wounding Ruatha, even if only superficially. Still…

"Jones, look out!" Johnny's shout came too late. Still in shock from my first kill- or at least, the first one I knew of, since I'd blacked out fighting the marines at the dragons' nest- I had barely begun to turn when a massive piece of wood hit me with enough force to send me crashing into the ground. Instinct took over; my body kept moving even if my brain was still frozen. I rolled up into a crouch, holstering my pistol and growling.

Male. Muscular enough to be Miss Monday's twin brother, but with brown hair instead of salmon. He'd hit me with what appeared to be a wooden railway tie, although he threw that away now that he had my attention. A broad grin, rolling his sleeves up his ham-sized arms with deliberate slowness; a clear display of confidence that he could take someone as small as me easily. I doubted I'd be knocking this guy out with a strike or two to the head like I'd been doing so far. My hand closed over a wooden shaft as I pushed off the ground; next thing I knew, I'd jammed the arrow that nicked Ruatha into the side of my attacker's knee. He flinched and buckled, but somehow managed to remain partially standing. Although that would probably only make the damage worse in the end; judging by the angle it had gone in, the arrowhead had probably torn a few ligaments. That knee was gonna give him problems for a _long_ time.

I scowled, even as I dodged backwards to avoid being grabbed by those massive arms. My brain finally unfroze and caught up to the rest of me as I stared at the arrow. Really, other me? That meme was old _years_ ago!

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Enraged and in pain, the Hulk-like man managed to push off and tackle me into a wall. I coughed. Then I gasped, or at least tried to. I couldn't breathe! My opponent had an arm pressed against my windpipe. Black spots danced over my vision as I twisted and struggled, trying to draw breath. But my feet were nowhere near the ground; I couldn't get any leverage. And my attacker was laughing now, deranged, as he pulled back for a haymaker…

"Fus! Roh! Dah!" Ruatha spat three globs of spit at the muscleman's face. Surprise made my attacker loosen his grip; I could breathe now, even if I was still trapped. My fingers scrabbled over warm skin, trying to dig into pressure points or weak spots. Nothing. Then there was a heavy thud; my attacker's eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped to the ground.

I looked up to thank whoever had saved me, only to see Nami pulling back from what had clearly been a groin strike with her staff. She struck the fallen man a few times about the head to make sure he stayed unconscious. The sailing master was covered in dirt and bruises, with a single shallow cut below her tattoo that had already stopped bleeding. "Thanks Nami. I'd say I owe you one, but if I did, you'd _actually_ charge me for it, so…" I shook my head. "Wait- when'd you get here?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." The navigator jumped out of the way of a stone mallet as two more Baroque Works agents emerged from a nearby alley. "I saw the big guy coming up behind you, and no one else was close enough to do more than shout; figured you might need a hand. How many of these guys are there?"

"I think about a hundred; we should be almost done." When the second newcomer swung at me, I stepped into the blow to absorb more force. I was getting a little nauseous now, and it had nothing to do with my lack of sleep. Too much force… If I absorbed much more, I was gonna explode again.

For having never fought as a team before, Nami and I worked well together. I brought out my staff so I didn't have to get close and be in her way; the navigator nodded at my decision even as she jabbed one guy in the hip. My own weapon barely made it up in time to keep my new opponent's hammer from pulping my head. I winced; deflecting a stone mallet with a staff was awkward. That was the keyword though- deflect, not block. A full-on block probably would've snapped my staff like a twig. Beech is hard, but not _that_ hard.

All around us, the sounds of battle were dying down. It seemed the men were finishing up. The town descended almost into silence as Nami and I continued to deflect and strike, snaking staves in past swinging mallets to jab and sting. I was slightly disappointed to be one of the last to finish fighting- although I suppose I should've just been happy to finish without any major injuries, since without my fruit I might be dead by now. Not a _hundred_ percent sure about that, but it was a definite possibility with some of the hits I'd taken.

The agents gave openings simultaneously, allowing Nami and I to both get in sweeping strikes up to their outer temples. Their heads knocked together with a hollow thunk. I stared at their unconscious forms. Nami stared too. "Okay, I'll concede that you're not useless, even when you're tired. _Now_ will you go rest?"

"Not yet. There's still stuff that's gonna happen. I don't wanna miss anything."

Footsteps on brick and packed earth. Our crew gathered by the harbour one by one, with Sanji dragging Igaram, and Miss Monday hoisted over Ghin's shoulder. I studiously avoided looking at the muscular woman. Miss Monday's checked dress was absurdly short; every time she twitched, I swore it was going to put her underwear on display. And one of the shoulder straps had broken during her fight with Ghin, so the bodice was gaping on one side.

The monster trio and former Krieg pirate looked to be in good shape, but Johnny and Yosaku were as bruised and bloody as me and Nami. Yosaku looked at me with his head cocked to one side, silently asking why I wasn't taping up the new prisoners. I shrugged. There was no need, and if I kept up at this rate, I'd be out of tape before we got to Alabasta.

Luffy looked around, eyes dark. The town was full of unconscious people, as well as at least one body. "I don't wanna have a party here; these guys are no fun. We'll do it back on the _Merry_."

Nami swung her staff around to hit the captain over the head. "We can't leave yet! The log pose needs to set!" I giggled at her unintentional rhyme, which caused the sailing master to hit me too.

"But that'll take _forever_!" Luffy whined. Nami scowled.

"No, it won't. Learn some patience. Although… I don't really know how long we'll be here. Crocus said each island had a different log time." The sailing master turned her gaze on Igaram. "Hey, Guy-Who's-Apparently-Important, how long does a log take to reset here?"

"Why should I tell you anything, pirate? You- ahem, mimimimimi- you just came out of nowhere and sacked our town."

Nami rolled her eyes. "Yes, we just appeared and sacked your _heavily armed, set-to-ambush-us_ town with no warning. Do unto others what they'd do unto you, but do it first and do it better."

"Well said." I nodded along to Nami's words, eying my hallucinations with suspicion. Most were still vague shadows and flickers at the edge of my vision, but some of them were starting to get shapes. "And a log takes something less than twelve hours to reset at Whiskey Peak. I know cause of how long the party and fight took in the story."

"Three hours, actually." Igaram slumped, defeated. I guess he figured there wasn't much point trying to conceal something so trivial when we already had some of the information.

Johnny looked around. "So… What do we do for the next two and a half hours?"

"Well, _Jones_ is going to wrap her leg and back, then have a nap." Ghin put his tonfa away and pulled several rolls of bandages out of his jacket. Not just _a_ roll of bandages- I'm talking enough to make a Jones-mummy if he'd needed to. I cocked my head to the side in confusion.

"Eh? Why're you just carrying those around? Don't we leave the first-aid kit in the galley?"

"I figured either you or Zoro would need them, and it looks like Nami, Johnny, and Yosaku could use a few as well. Hope I brought enough." Ghin moved to grab me and deal with the cut across my back. I frowned. There was no need for that- it was barely bleeding anymore! Although it did sting something fierce… Still, I don't like to be manhandled!

"You'll never take me alive!" And in my exhausted state, I had zero self-control. I took off like a two-year-old trying to escape bath time, except with longer legs and a lot more experience. Running sent me into a fit of coughing, but I didn't let that stop me. I tore through the town, flinging garbage bins and rain barrels down behind me to slow my pursuer. It didn't work very well. Ghin kept after me like a bloodhound, never out of sight, gradually coming closer and closer as he chased me through narrow back alleys.

"Jones! Get your bloody arse back here!" Yes, Ghin had fully mastered the art of the mom rage.

"Sesehihihihihihihi!" It was funny because I had blood dripping down my back. Puns! My cackling led to distraction, however, which ended with me slipping in a puddle of blood- that _wasn't_ mine. I skidded over to land on my back- which sent a burst of pain through my broken tailbone- staring up at a body that dangled over the edge of a roof, a bullet hole in her head.

Oh yeah. I shot someone earlier.

When Ghin caught up to me a couple seconds later, I was frozen. There was no disgust, no urge to vomit- blood and corpses don't bother me that way. Although the tiny chunks of brain matter oozing out of a perforated skull weren't something I'd seen often. But still, that part of it was no worse than a dead deer or raccoon, and I saw those all the time. No, what bothered me was that this was a person. I knew in theory that this was something I should've expected- as a pirate, eventually killing would become inevitable, and I had already been planning for the demise of Teach. But it's one thing to know which plants contain deadly poisons, how those poisons kill, where to strike with a hand or weapon to get deaths with varying amounts of pain… It's another thing entirely to stare at a young woman's corpse while sitting in her spattered blood and know you were the one to cause it. To know that because of me, she would never get married or have children, never travel or pursue her remaining dreams, never be given a chance to redeem herself from working for Crocodile the asshole. I didn't even know if she was one of the ones who joined Baroque Works because she believed he really planned to create a utopia, or if she was one of the ones who just took sadistic pleasure in assassination and bounty hunting.

Ghin grabbed my shoulder. Instead of forcing me to stand up and turn around so he could tend to my back, though, he frowned and shook me gently. "Jones? Jones, what's wrong? Are you alright?"

Those last words made me punch him on reflex. But there was no heat or power behind it; I was too tired and distracted. Ghin followed my gaze upwards. "Oh- _oh_. Did you kill her?"

"Yeah." My voice sounded distant to my own ears.

"I see. And _why_ did you kill her?" Ghin sat down beside me, shifting from shaking my shoulder to rubbing my back. I winced and shivered when he accidentally touched my open wound.

"She- she was shooting at me. Her arrow got Ruatha- he wasn't seriously hurt, but I was so _angry_ he was in danger, so I pulled out my gun… I can't aim- it took me four shots to hit her- I had no idea if I'd get something fatal or just disable her. And I _didn't care_ , didn't even think about that. I just wanted her to stop shooting at me and Ruatha."

Dark eyes focused on my dragonet. Ruatha cooed and turned to show Ghin his new battle scar, a long, thin line of red that ran from the side of his jaw down under one of his wings. It bled sluggishly. Although showing off may not have been the dragon's intention, seeing as his turning that way just happened to put him in a perfect position to chew on the edge of my hat.

Ghin sighed. "Look, Jones, I'm not about to tell you if what you did is right or wrong. We're pirates; even if we mean well, people like us have a bad reputation, and sometimes we do nasty things to survive. I won't pretend I've never killed before; I have. Killing isn't the problem- even getting used to it isn't, really. The problem is when you start to enjoy it. Even Don Krieg didn't kill for pleasure, although he certainly took more lives than he needed to." The older pirate ran a hand through his hair. "Geez, the more I think about it, the more I'm glad Don Luffy beat him and gave me a chance to get outta there."

"You're too nice a guy to work for someone like Krieg," I agreed. Ghin smirked and shook his head.

"Just don't tell Johnny and Yosaku you said that. Part of the reason they listen to me so well is that they still see me as Don Krieg's combat commander, feared throughout the East Blue as a devil in human form."

"More like a giant puppy in human form."

"Okay, that crosses the line." Almost faster than I could blink, Ghin had me trapped in a merciless noogie. "I'm no puppy, understand? There are plenty of ways I can make you fear and respect me without resorting to Don Krieg's methods."

"Hai! Hai!" I squirmed and winced until I was released. Ghin gave my ponytail a playful tug.

"Back to the topic at hand… Killing affects everyone differently, and I don't know what's going on in that head of yours at the best of times, let alone now. But as long as you don't enjoy it and don't do it without reason, I think you're good."

"I would never," I agreed, my voice barely rising above a whisper. Not that- I didn't feel any overwhelming need to compensate for a sin or anything, although since I'm not Christian I could argue that I don't believe in sin. There was some guilt, but not as much as everything I'd read would have me expect. If the choice was between someone whose name I didn't know and a member of the crew, I'd choose the Straw Hat every time. Anything for my friends; loyalty.

Shaking my head, I forced away the complicated, semi-numb emotions and reached into my utility belt. "Just remembered- I changed this for you."

Ghin examined the ivory armband I passed over, fingers tracing the rough edges of a large, crooked lightning bolt. "Well, your skill at scrimshaw's lacking. Was this one of the things you meant when you told me you collect hobbies?"

"Yeah. When I was having my worst down periods, I needed to keep my mind occupied or… Well, bad things. So I made things. Sewing, knitting, drawing, painting, kumihimo, knot jewellery, whittling… Arts and crafts are good. They help…" A weight was growing in my chest; I couldn't tell if the shivers running up my spine were due to emotions or injuries.

Sliding the armband on, Ghin poked me in the forehead. "Alright, up. Letting you stew is a bad idea. Try not to worry about it for now and let me patch you up. Then we'll go back to the others and figure out what comes next."

"It's not that bad," I protested as I stood, turning so Ghin could get a good look at the slice across my back. He grunted.

"Maybe not, but it could've been. You need to be more careful; I won't carry you around if you get your spine sliced in half."

"Go fuss over Nami, Johnny, and Yosaku. They're hurt too."

"Nami has bruises and a superficial slice on her arm that she can wrap by herself; Thing Green and Thing Blue are similar, with an added side of Yosaku's concussion and Johnny's broken toe. I don't know how to deal with concussions or breaks, so they'll have to manage as they are."

"Mother hen. At least look after Ruatha first."

Ghin shrugged. "That's what Tippy used to call me back in the gang. I don't mind." He complied with my request though, plucking my dragon off my shoulder and wrapping Ruatha's wound before coming after me again. My baby trilled and stared proudly at the white cotton. Then Ghin put Ruatha off to the side and shot me a significant look. I sighed and hiked up my shirt so he could get at my wound properly.

The bandages wrapped around, almost tight enough to feel like a corset. Uncomfortable. But as much as I didn't like it, I should probably leave them on for a day or two to make sure no dirt got in and caused an infection. I patted Ruatha as we headed back to the main square to meet with the others. He chattered at me and butted his head into my hand, the little attention hog.

"Fus! Roh! Dah!" Oh, shenanigans. At this point, I was too tired to fight other me about this.

My stomach was growling by the time we rejoined the rest of the crew. Right, it was about lunch time. I stumbled into the bar and grabbed the first container that looked likely to hold food, too impatient to wait for Sanji to make something. It was a barrel full of apples. I dragged it out into the square and pulled one out to munch on, no matter how much it made me look like an asshole.

Oh look, a Cinema Sin.

Usopp had arrived while Ghin and I were gone, bringing Vivi and Mr Nine with him. Their hands were still bound, though their legs were free to walk. I tossed the sniper an apple; he beamed as he caught it. Zoro folded his arms and scowled at the display.

"Alright Not-Baroque-Works, spill."

" _ **WHAT?**_ " Four voices rang out with different types of confusion. Vivi and Igaram were pale- terrified. I shook my head and batted at one of my hallucinations.

"Two of them really _are_ part of Baroque Works- that's why I wanted to keep binding Vivi, so we wouldn't blow her cover. But I guess that was pointless…" Leaving the hallucination be, I frowned at the swordsman.

"Well _excuse me_ if bushido as _I_ was taught doesn't allow for all this skulking around, leaving out information, and lying through my teeth." Zoro's scowl shifted to me.

Luffy whined. "Guys, no fighting! Captain's orders!" He waited until Zoro and I had both nodded before getting back to business. "So… Jones says you're a princess and not to hurt Saxophone. Why?"

Vivi glared at me and grit her teeth, refusing to answer. I sighed. "Well, since this particular can of worms is already open and ready for me to spill beans into… You might wanna decide quick whether you can trust us or not, your highness. Crocodile found out that you know his name; Mr Five and Miss Valentine are already on their way to take out you and Igaram. I think they'll be here around midnight. Not that they're any match for Luffy and Zoro, but who knows who or what might get caught in the crossfire when an explosion man fights a rubber boy?"

This time it was Miss Monday and Mr Nine who paled. The wannabe prince began to shake and rock back and forth in panic. "Croco-? _You know Mr Zero's name_? Oh, we're dead. We're dead, we're dead, we're dead!"

"Oh, right, if the Unluckies found out you knew, the clean-up squad would be after you too." I finished my apple. Instead of tossing the core right away, I flipped open my Swiss Army Knife and dug out the seeds, putting them in a little baggie in my utility belt. I'd need lots of those later- the seeds, not the baggies. "Quick, has anyone seen a vulture with an aviator's helmet, or an otter wearing a spotted jacket?"

My crew mates shook their heads. I relaxed. Okay, we were good for now. Not that the Unluckies themselves were a big threat, but if they managed to get away with our names and faces… Actually, it wouldn't be any worse than in canon. Probably.

Igaram edged away from Miss Monday and Mr Nine. "You- ahem, mimimimimi- your intelligence is accurate. Disturbingly so. Your highness…" Here he turned to Vivi, "Have these pirates done anything to harm you?"

"No Igaram, I'm fine. They're not… Jones- the one who knows things- is a heartless little bitch, but the rest of the crew means well."

Ghin's eyes blazed. The former Krieg pirate stomped over to Vivi and picked her up. "What did you say about Jones?"

"Unhand the princess at once!" Igaram tried to stagger to his feet, only to be held down by Yosaku and Usopp.

"I-! Put me down!" The princess kicked her captor- something that worked better for her than for me, between her being taller and her high heels. Those must hurt. When Ghin failed to comply with her order despite his wince of pain, Vivi closed her eyes and yelled louder than I would've thought possible. "Carue!"

"Quack, quack!" A few seconds later, a duck the size of a small horse came barreling down from the hills. Man, when Oda called them the Supersonic Duck Squadron, he wasn't kidding. Little puffs and crackles appeared off Carue's beak in a cone as he dashed to his princess' side at Mach speeds.

Although… that speed wasn't enough to save him from Zoro. The scowling swordsman struck out with _Wado Ichimonji_ as Carue went to kick Ghin, nearly slicing the bird's leg off. Carue let out a terrified squawk and jumped out of the way at the last moment, for some reason choosing to hide behind Nami. Ghin nodded wordless thanks to the bosun, who nodded right back.

Johnny whistled, trying to enjoy the show while also hiding behind me and my apple barrel. Given the lack of popcorn, I passed him a fruit. And put some in my utility belt while I was at it- you never know when you'll be lost in a desert somewhere and want a snack. "Don't throw the core away when you're done; I need the seeds."

"What for?"

"Spoilers."

Meanwhile Ghin had started a full-blown lecture in Vivi's face. I winced; he wasn't shouting, but there was a lot of force behind each word. "Jones is weird, but she's _not_ a heartless little bitch. Someone heartless wouldn't risk their own sneaky hide to rescue someone _stronger than them_ from the marines, or bash open the egg of a dragon that couldn't hatch on his own. Heartless people don't go into a blackout rage when a little girl gets threatened and a dragon shot, or freeze and worry after their first kill."

"She treats war like it's a _game_!" Vivi spat. "You didn't hear what she said to me, how she talked about people as if the world were just a giant chessboard. And she's manipulating it all with her weird future knowledge, but she won't give anyone else the information they need to _actually help people_!"

Oh, that was… "I already told you, I can't tell you anything until you calm down enough to make rational decisions! Otherwise you might end up making the situation in Alabasta worse and getting your people _and my friends_ killed!"

"As if a witch like you could understand the true meaning of friendship!"

"Of course I do! Friendship is the most powerful magic of all!" Cheesy, corny… But who cares?

Ghin gave Vivi a quick shake, as if he were holding a naughty puppy instead of a princess. "Don't judge what you don't understand. You don't know where Jones comes from or why she acts the way she does- we barely do, and we live with her. But she's already learned how much she can change with a single decision, so if she says letting you play around with what she knows is dangerous, it's dangerous. End of story."

There was a soft thump as Ghin dropped Vivi. The princess immediately straightened and slapped him. Skin met skin; red bloomed across the former Krieg pirate's face. She followed that up with a punch that didn't seem to do much to Ghin at all, and finished with a high-heeled stomp to his foot. He grunted and scowled, but was interrupted by a blow from Nami before he could retaliate. Huh. That might be the first time _Ghin_ got a taste of the sailing master's fist.

"Simmer down! Geez… Look, go sit on Jones and force her to take a nap or something- the both of you are liabilities to negotiations." Nami had one hand on her hip, the other ready to hit Ghin again. For his part, the former Krieg pirate was staring down at the navigator with an expression of mystified confusion. Probably hadn't expected her hits to hurt as much as they do.

"Neco- mimimimimi- Negotiations?" Igaram paled beneath his bruises. Nami nodded.

"Yes, negotiations. What? You expected pirates to help save a kingdom for free? We need money for supplies you know."

That made the guard pause. "You- you actually plan to help? You- mimimimi- you know what's going on in Alabasta?"

"Of course we do- or at least, Jones does. Why else would she have warned you about that Crocodile fellow?" Nami raised an eyebrow, her eyes morphing into beri symbols. "So… Negotiations."

Yosaku cleared his throat. "Just remember, Big Sis- Sir Crocodile's sorta doing to Alabasta what Arlong was doing to Conami Island."

The sailing master froze. Her beri eyes turned back to their normal shape and colour. "Right… Nation in distress discount…"

"Dis…count…?" Igaram looked worried. "Miss, as agents working under cover, the princess and I didn't exactly carry a great deal of wealth on our persons. And Alabasta is a poor nation in the grip of drought; I'm afraid we haven't much to spare even from the royal treasury."

"We'd never ask more than you can afford." Nami sighed. "Supplies might be tight with extra mouths to feed, but I suppose we can put off reward negotiations until we arrive in Alabasta. So, on to the next item on the agenda- how many extra mouths should we expect? Will your partners be coming too?" There was a loud snap as the sailing master took her staff apart.

Underneath it was a softer sound, one I wasn't sure anyone else heard. I would've thought that was just my hallucinations reaching auditory levels, if the shape of a nearby rooftop hadn't changed- and stayed solid after doing so. Definitely not a hallucination then- those shifted and swirled like thoughts in a pensieve. Maybe the Unluckies arriving to spy on the princess? I slid off my apple barrel, leaving Ruatha atop it, and excused myself to the nearest person- Yosaku.

"I'll be back in a minute. Gotta use the bathroom." The green hunter nodded as I slipped off into the nearby bar.

Plotting out a route to the suspicious rooftop unseen in my head was difficult, since I'd never seen a map of the town. I started by slipping out of the bar through a side window, then creeping slowly from building to building. My heart pounded in my chest the whole time. After all, everything around me was white and shades of light brown; purple, red, and black would stick out like GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS. So I kept to the shadows and indoors as much as I could to mitigate that issue, even if it wouldn't help much.

And then I accidentally kicked a pebble. It was such a small stone, only the size of a penny, but the clatter as it bounced off my foot, the ground, and a nearby wall echoed in the relative quiet. I froze. My heart was either racing faster than it ever had before, or not beating at all; I couldn't tell. Peeking around the edge of a building, I checked the roof where I thought I'd seen the Unluckies.

Nothing. Whatever the shape was, secret agents or not, it was _gone_.

 _Merde_. I had no idea where they'd gone, how long they'd actually been flying around, what they'd overheard… Maybe I should've warned people not to talk about anything important while I was gone. But taking the time to do that would've tipped the Unluckies off that I'd seen them… This- this right here was reason number six that I didn't like being called a ninja. Sneaking around was a lot more difficult in reality than in video games.

 _Well, I guess I should warn everyone that we may or may not be busted_. I turned with a yawn and began making my way back towards the rest of the crew. Now that my attempt at stealth had failed, I was regretting the convoluted route I'd taken to avoid being seen. It wasn't that much faster to walk at normal speed than it had been while sneaking. I rehearsed what I was going to say as I walked. _Hi guys! So… A homicidal otter and his vulture girlfriend were spying on us. I tried to catch them, but they flew away before I could get close. Which means Crocodile knows who we all are now._ Yeah… My life had taken a strange turn that the beginning of that thought made sense.

Click.

The sound of talons on stone made me halt and freeze. I turned slowly, although I already had an idea what the source was. But… Why would they come down and face me rather than flying off right away? Then again, they'd confronted Nami with their sketches in canon. A black bird with a white neck ruff and a ten-foot wingspan- Andean condor, largest of the New World vultures, my mind supplied- and a stocky, dark northern river otter. The sunglasses and pink spotted coat looked cumbersome and awkward on his sleek form. Huh. I couldn't decide whether I was more surprised to see species I recognized in this madcap world, or at what they were doing- while the otter was clutching a pen and sheaf of paper in his paws and scribbling madly, the vulture had a machine gun trained on my knees.

After a minute, Mr Thirteen held up a bunch of papers. They were some of the best sketches I'd ever seen, which was doubly amazing given that he was an otter- and they showed _everyone_ on our crew. Even Sanji. Tabarnak. Okay, _that_ could cause problems. Damage control, I needed to do damage control! I clapped slowly, just like Nami had in canon, while I tried to organize my thoughts.

Given where I came from, I knew otters better than vultures, so I addressed Mr Thirteen. "Quick question, if you don't mind me asking. I'm going out on a limb here because of your species, but are you from Drum Kingdom?" Since that was the _One Piece_ equivalent of Canada, it would make sense for a North American species to live there.

Mr Thirteen frowned and pulled up a fresh piece of paper. A moment later he held it over his head, covered in words rather than a picture this time. _Close. An island just south of there. What's it to you, hoser?_

"Nothing, just curious. You have wonderful handwriting, by the way." Which he did. It reminded me of my grandmother's. The otter's eyes lit up; he wrote another note and held it above his head.

 _Thank you! You're the first person to ever comment on it. I mean, seriously, it's not easy to write and draw with these paws, but I never get any respect._

I nodded. "A lot of people underestimate animal intelligence just because communication is difficult and you don't have opposable thumbs. It's not fair." He looked so soft. _Fluffy_ … Did otter fur feel like beaver fur? Asking if I could pet him might be considered rude… But otters were allogroomers; preening each other was an important part of their social bonding. And Mr Thirteen probably hadn't been with any members of his own species for a long time… "I know we're technically enemies, but can I pet you? I had a beaver friend back home, and you remind me of him." Perks of the biology half of my background- I got to play with lots of cool animals.

The otter paused for a moment, considering. Beside him, Miss Friday squawked and fiddled with her machine gun. I didn't need to speak bird to know she was asking whether she should shoot me or not. Mr Thirteen chattered something at his partner, patting her wing before taking off his coat and approaching me. I'm guessing the exchange was something along the lines of "Shoot her if she tries anything funny." Dark eyes stared up at me; Mr Thirteen refused to approach close enough for me to reach until I crouched down, putting myself low enough for him to attack if he didn't like what I was doing.

As for the answer to my question, it was yes. Mr Thirteen _did_ feel a lot like a beaver, his fur soft and thick and ever so slightly oily. There were some knots and matted patches on the back of his neck where his jacket had been rubbing at things; I did my best to fluff and untangle them. Mostly though, I was just scratching and petting like I would for a cat, sleepily enthralled by the first furry creature I'd had a chance to touch since coming to this world. Ruatha's feathery scales weren't nearly this soft. It made me wish we had a ship's cat- which in turn made me wonder at the fact that there were no rats on the _Going Merry_. Weren't they practically a fixed feature of ships in the age of sail?

After a few minutes, Mr Thirteen began a series of low grunting noises that almost sounded like he was purring. At first I thought I'd done something wrong, but the otter frowned and growled when I pulled away, prompting me to continue petting. Then, to my surprise, he stretched up and started grooming _me_ , shoving my hat off and nosing and pawing through my hair. Miss Friday looked at her partner as if he was crazy.

Eventually, Mr Thirteen pulled back and began writing again. _Thank you. That felt nice. You seem like a decent human; I hate to kill you._

"And you're a very nice otter; I'd hate to die." I put my hat back on while Mr Thirteen recovered his coat. "If it bothers you though, I can offer you an alternative to us fighting to the death."

Mr Thirteen looked intrigued. _I'm listening_.

"Well… You work for Crocodile, and you've seen the crew I'm part of. Now, if I die here, everyone else will still go on to take down Baroque Works. That's a fact; Crocodile's organization is tough, but not enough to handle a full-on Straw Hat assault. That'll leave you out of a job- to the point where you'd be forced to become marine informers in exchange for food and shelter." Which meant that Mr Thirteen and Miss Friday were both domesticated, unable to survive on the wild on their own, but I didn't come out and say it. It would probably just make them angry.

An upheld paw and rapid scribbling interrupted me. _Prove it. How can you be so sure your crew can beat Sir Crocodile? He's one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea_.

"You've heard of Vice-Admiral Garp, yes?" I paused. When Both Mr Thirteen and Miss Friday nodded, I continued. A grin slowly grew over my face. "Well, that's my captain's grandfather. Luffy's been trained by the hero of the marines since birth; what makes you think a mere Shichibukai could compare?"

Both animals swallowed visibly. _I see your point. Continue with your proposal._

"Now… What I'm offering is more secure employment. As you've seen, we have the princess of Alabasta with us right now. If you helpus take down Crocodile, I'm sure she could be convinced to help you find a place in her kingdom. Or if you don't want that, I can help you find a place that suits you somewhere else."

The otter and the vulture looked at each other. Then Miss Friday lowered her machine gun while Mr Thirteen wrote some more. _We are… open to the possibility. What exactly would you have us do?_

"Don't take those sketches of yours to Crocodile; just give them to me. And maybe tell him that Vivi, Igaram, and their partners were killed by pirates while hunting the island whale or something."

 _That's all?_ Mr Thirteen frowned. _We can do that easily. If Miss Friday agrees, I accept._ He turned to his companion. The vulture stared at me, red eyes boring into my soul. Then she clacked her beak and nodded, hiding her gun away properly. The otter smiled. _Well, there you have it. We will be your eyes and ears in Crocodile's office._

"Thank you." There was always the possibility that they were playing me, but I'd run with the assumption that they were telling the truth until I saw evidence. A decision I may or may not regret later, but acting suspicious would only make _them_ less likely to trust _me_ in turn. Besides… If I couldn't trust the fluffy people, who could I trust? In my old home, animals had always been more reliable than humans. I rubbed Mr Thirteen's head a little more before he put his hood up, indicating that it was time for them to leave. I offered similar attentions to Miss Friday, but she pecked me. Then she shook herself and backed away, fluffing her feathers.

"Oww…" I licked the gouge on my hand until it stopped bleeding. But it wasn't a real attack; if Miss Friday had _really_ wanted to hurt me, her beak would've broken some bones. Still, I got the message- no bird scritches.

Mr Thirteen handed me his sketches of the crew before climbing on Miss Friday's back. The vulture's wingbeats were loud and heavy as she took off; the wind she whipped up buffeted me and nearly knocked my hat off. I waved as the agents rose. They responded by circling above me twice before flying away.

When I went back to the others, Mr Nine and Miss Monday were in a panic. The wannabe prince had jumped into the muscular woman's arms; Miss Monday's jaw was nearly on the ground as she stared up at the sky. Add another thing to the list of anatomical weirdness I needed to ask Chopper about. " _ **AH! THE UNLUCKIES! THEY SAW US!**_ "

Luffy followed Miss Monday's gaze upwards. "Huh? What're you talking about? Wait…" He squinted. "Is that a bird? Can I eat it?"

With his sniping goggles, Usopp was able to get a much better look. "It's… an otter riding a vulture? I don't think you should try Luffy; the vulture might make you sick. They eat rotting meat."

Vivi was pale, leaning against Carue, while Igaram… huh. The captain of the guard was gone. I wondered where. "Oh no… If the Unluckies were here, that means Crocodile knows all your names and faces. And he knows I didn't go to sea with Igaram…" The princess bit her lip.

Johnny and Yosaku moved to comfort Vivi, patting her on the back as if she were one of the guys. "Hey, calm down Big Sis Vivi. Big Sis Jones was off on her own right before we saw them; that means she probably did something."

"Yeah! Last time she ran off alone, she got a bunch of marines with poison gas!"

Oh boy. Yes, let's just tell the girl who _already thinks I'm a monster_ about what could technically qualify as a war crime- thinking about it, I was pretty sure it did on Earth, but I had no idea if anywhere in the _One Piece_ world had something similar to The Hague Conventions. Judging by how enthusiastic the hunters were, I was guessing the answer was no. Vivi _did_ look horrified at that revelation of my past actions though. I instinctively edged sideways to put Ghin between myself and the princess.

Nami sighed and rubbed her temples. "Johnny, Yosaku… Do the world a favour and stop trying to help. The anchor thing last night was bad enough. Now, Jones… Did you _actually_ do something, or were you just off in the bathroom like you told Yosaku?"

I stifled a yawn as Ruatha sniffed my hand. He growled and began rubbing and licking at my fingers, trying to remove Mr Thirteen's scent. With my free hand, I waved the agent's pictures above my head. "Otters are social mammals that bond through mutual grooming. I made friends with Mr Thirteen and convinced him and Miss Friday to tell Crocodile that Vivi and Igaram are dead. Also… Otters are soft and fluffy!" I closed my eyes and smiled at the memory. I missed having fuzzy pets so much. Nami hit me over the head with her staff to bring me back on track.

"Oww…" I rubbed my head and swayed, nauseous and tired and distracted by an especially large hallucination. But I'd needed that hit. In fact, I'd have taken a hundred of Nami's punches over what came next.

"You… You _made friends_ with the _Unluckies_?" Vivi was around Ghin before he could react, grabbing me by the front of my bandanna. "Are you _mad_ and an _idiot_ as well as heartless? You can't trust them! They're some of Crocodile's most brutal and loyal enforcers!" The princess twisted her grip so I was being choked by the cloth around my neck. "Or… Are you just telling us this because you think it's what we _want_ to hear? For all we know, you could be in _league_ with Crocodile! You might've just given everything away!"

This seemed a little deranged for the princess. Guess my writer wasn't very good at keeping her in character. That, or she was experimenting with something that may or may notbe working. I reached to the back of my neck to untie my bandanna, gasping for breath as I was freed. Vivi's fingers loosened in surprise, allowing me to reclaim the red fabric. I scowled up at the princess; this was frustrating. My mind blanked for a second as I groped for words. "I've already told you- I don't mean any harm! I'm trying to _help_!"

Vivi actually _sighed_ , which was new. "You have no idea how much I _wish_ I could believe that. Your future knowledge would be invaluable… But you've given no indication that you can _be_ trusted, you don't _share_ anything, and you talk about people's lives as if they're tools or toys. And then what Johnny and Yosaku said about the gas…"

I deflated, hanging my head so my hat shadowed my eyes. Then I rolled up my sleeves and held my arms out with the scars facing upwards, puffy and red against pale skin. Luffy made a strangled whining noise at the sight. "Jones… I thought you didn't like to show those…"

Instead of answering my captain, I raised my head slowly and forced myself to look Vivi in the eye. Huh. Dark grey, with little flecks of brown around the pupil- she had the same colour eyes as me. My breathing became heavy; my words were slow and quiet as I fought to keep them even. "Look… I've never claimed to be a good person. I'm absent-minded, reckless, and impatient; I hate being bored and I like fighting _far_ too much. When I'm angry or scared, sometimes I have blackouts. The irrationality I accuse you of- I can be as bad if not worse, given the right situation. I've tried to kill myself in the past, and earlier today I killed someone else for the first time… because they wounded Ruatha. I can't even say I'm sorry about it- whether that's because I'm still in shock, or because I don't deal well with emotions in general, I don't know."

Staring. Vivi met my gaze, but said nothing. I couldn't read her expression either. This left me feeling incredibly vulnerable; I ploughed on anyway. I _needed_ to do this. Even if Vivi still didn't like me, I needed her to understand. "You're probably right; I'm probably a lot colder and calmer about these things than I should be. No one's ever accused me of being mentally healthy. But I _swear_ , by the twisted coils of Patoll and the waters of Natrimpe, I would never do anything to intentionally harm Alabasta. Or if the gods of death and the sea aren't binding enough, I'll swear by our crew's Jolly Roger, or the white lion of my family. Whatever oath I can make that you'll believe…"

Dark eyes bored into mine; I wanted to look away, but I didn't dare. This was important. Even if Vivi still didn't like me, I needed her to trust me. The princess scowled, pursing her lips as she thought. Ruatha nuzzled my face and crooned, upset because I was. Then I felt a warm presence at my back and a hand on my free shoulder.

"Jones doesn't always tell the truth," Luffy put in, his voice unusually serious. "Sometimes she's scared, or not saying something cause I asked her not to say much about the future. She even manages to lie without really lying, which is weird. But she means what she's saying now; she doesn't want to hurt your country."

For a moment, Vivi looked like a fish caught out of water. Surprise, confusion, suspicion… She couldn't seem to form the words to respond. When her voice _did_ come out, it was much softer than when she usually spoke to me. "I… Even if that's true, how can she trust the Unluckies? Like I said, they're Crocodile's fiercest enforcers. _Nothing_ stops them from getting a job done."

I rolled my sleeves back down and rubbed my forearms; Luffy shifted his hand from my shoulder to rubbing soothing circles on my back. Only then did I realize how much I was shaking. This was… more nerve-wracking than I'd thought it would be. Part of my mind absently noted that Luffy was much more understanding and supportive when it came to anxiety than I would've thought just from what was shown in canon. Must come from having grown up with Ace.

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure I _can_ trust them. I bonded with Mr Thirteen through mutual grooming; otters use that to build relationships, resolve conflict, and decrease stress. He decided that he liked me and would regret killing me, so I offered him an alternative. He accepted. But I have no idea if he was trying to play me or not, or if he actually trusts me as much as it looked like."

Zoro frowned and folded his arms. "So, we might have allies, but they might be more sneaking, spying assassins after us when we're not looking? Why does this have to be so complicated?"

Ignoring the swordsman, Vivi continued to watch me. Her eyes were softer now though, no longer outright hostile. Then the princess closed her eyes and sighed for a second time. She shook her head and backed away from me, apparently lacking the words to express whatever opinion she had on what I'd done. That was probably the best response I was going to get right now. Oh well, as long as she didn't try to choke me again for a little while, I'd take it.

Stifling a yawn, I changed the subject. "So… What did I miss when I was off with the fluffies?"

Luffy bounced excitedly, his hand leaving my back in order to join its partner in waving about. "Jack and Mairead are gonna come party with us when we take Vivi home!"

"Who and… who?" The only Jack I remembered was in the New World, and I was pretty sure I'd never read the name Mairead in the comics.

"The frilly boy and the Amazon." I'm sure Zoro thought he was clarifying things, but I was too tired to understand right away. It was only when he gestured at the still stunned Baroque Works agents that I figured out Jack was Mr Nine and Mairead was Miss Monday. Unexpected, but I suppose it made sense; Nine and Monday couldn't be their _actual_ names.

"Okay. And what happened to Igaram?"

"He already left; he wanted to provide a decoy in case those other people you were talking about- Mr Five and Miss Valentine- were closer than you thought." Nami waved her hand out to sea, where a small boat was floating. A bright shock of turquoise and dark blue was the Alabastan guard captain dressed in his drag disguise. Well, at least I didn't have to see it up close. Although… He was leaving _early_. I wondered how that would change things. Would he still survive being blown up by Robin? Would she even catch him at all? There was no way to know…

I squinted out to sea, watching the speck that was Igaram's boat. It took several long minutes to disappear over the horizon, and I watched that spot even longer just in case. Something was missing… "Eh? No boom?"

Johnny shot me a puzzled look. "What's up Big Sis?"

"Never mind." I shook my head. "I guess it's not important; doesn't look like she's here yet."

Awkward silence followed, with everyone looking around at a loss. Nami looked up at the sun and sighed. "Another hour until the pose resets."

Luffy groaned. "An hour's so _long_ though! And I wanna party on the _Merry_! But not til we're away from the people hunting Vivi and them- it's no fun here." The rubber boy fidgeted and bounced around. "Bored! Bored, bored, bored!"

Ghin looked around. "Well, we could always pillage the village."

"What?"

The former Krieg pirate shrugged. "Well, they tried to ambush us and failed- badly. Since it seems a shame for an accidental sacking to go to waste, we may as well take any supplies we need. It'll ease up on the burden of having extra mouths to feed." He nodded in Nami's direction.

"Hold up!" Mr Nine- sorry, I mean Jack- finally climbed out of Mairead's arms and stood on his own. "I have a question! Coming with you may be our best option, but will we still have to stay in the hold? Because if we do, I might just take my chances here after all. The bed down there _sucks_."

Actually, mister, that was _my_ bed you were insulting, and I would very much like it back. Sleeping on deck was _not_ fun. But before I could open my mouth, Nami slapped the wannabe prince upside the head. "You'll sleep where we put you, and you'll like it! But no," the sailing master calmed quickly, "You won't be in the hold anymore. Vivi and Mairead can bunk with me; you'll be staying with the men."

"Really? With those- mph!" Mairead covered Jack's mouth before he could finish. The force with which she did so was enough to bruise his face.

"Thank you. He means to say _thank you for your hospitality_." The muscular woman sighed and cocked her head apologetically in Nami's direction. "Honestly… _men_."

The sailing master nodded. "I know what you mean. Don't worry about it."

Vivi frowned, shooting a pointed look in my direction. "I'd still rather not share a room with _her_ , if that's an option."

Luffy frowned, confused. "Huh? But Jones doesn't sleep in the girls' cabin- she sleeps in the cargo hold."

"No, she… doesn't…" The princess trailed off, her frown taking on a slightly different tone. I'm not sure what it meant; the nuances of facial expressions sometimes escape me. "Wait- if you usually sleep where _we_ were, then where were you sleeping the last few nights?"

"She wasn't." Ghin reached over to poke my forehead. I made a face at him.

"That's just last night!" Turning back to the princess, I stared at the ground a bit to her right and reached up to scratch Ruatha's head. "When we have prisoners, I sleep on the deck."

"What? Why?" Vivi's frown shifted again, this time to confusion.

I shrugged. "I'm uncomfortable sleeping in a room with other people, and Ruatha makes a lot of noise and keeps me up some nights. Don't wanna inflict that on anyone else."

"But even then, why didn't you make _us_ stay up on deck, or in the bilge or something? Not that I'm saying I didn't prefer the hold to that…"

"Oi!" Johnny yelped. "No one goes in the bilge right now, got it? Me'n Yosaku're working on a big surprise!"

The princess' question honestly took me by surprise. Would most people have made the prisoners sleep on deck? But they might escape from there… What we needed was a ship with a proper brig. I made a note of that for when Franky was building the _Thousand Sunny_. My brain checked out for an instant; when I shook myself back to proper consciousness, Vivi was still looking at me. Oh, she actually wanted an answer, didn't she?

"Umm… Because you'd have had a better chance at escaping from the deck? I dunno… Why _would_ we make you sleep on deck?" I looked around at my crew mates for support, only to find them all wearing looks of dawning realization. It made me feel left out; I didn't understand what was going on. Nami moved very slowly as she came over to hit me over the head. She didn't say anything, leaving me even more confused.

"Ow! What did I do?"

It was Zoro who answered- and wasn't that odd? He and Nami so rarely agreed on anything. "You're a member of the crew- a person we need to be able to rely on- but you've been sleeping exposed to the elements and putting your health at risk. We can find somewhere else to keep prisoners, since we keep getting so many of them."

"Could tie them up on the gun deck," Sanji offered, lighting a fresh cigarette.

"But there's no room for a person to lie down comfortably in there," I reminded him. The cook rolled his eyes.

"Prisoners don't have to be comfortable. Just make sure we don't have to hold any ladies in the shitty gun deck; I never would've suggested this if we still had to keep Vivi dear in there!" Sanji wiggled back and forth like a boneless noodle. A good hit to the head from Zoro put that to a halt, although it did lead to a brief, noisy brawl when the cook retaliated by kicking the bosun in the solar plexus.

Through the clatter and thump of the fight, Vivi just stared at me. She looked… confused. As uncomfortable as the staring was, I was equally puzzled. Why was the princess so focused on the sleeping arrangement issue? Did it mean something? Trying to figure this out made my head hurt. Oh well, back to things that made more sense. I stretched and yawned as I put Vivi's odd questions out of my mind.

"Alright guys, we've- yaaaaaaaaaaah- still got a while before we can go. Ghin's right, it'd be a shame to let an accidental sacking go to waste. Let's get looting!" The gamer in me took over.

"Right away Big Sis!" The hunters followed my lead as I went into the saloon and began rifling around. Food and drink were the highest priorities after all, on a crew like ours.

Luffy giggled as he and Usopp began poking around other buildings. " _Now_ we're acting like pirates, shishishishishi! Beat up the bad guys and take their stuff! Make sure you get the meat guys- I want _all_ the meat!"

"Of course you do, Shitty Rubber." Sanji joined me and the hunters, unwilling to let us pick out food supplies unsupervised. The smell of smoke that followed him everywhere made me cough. Erg… Once we had Chopper, the reindeer and I needed to gang up on the cook for the lecture of a lifetime about the health risks that accompanied Sanji's vice. Although it was difficult to imagine the chef without his cigarettes, no matter how much they worried me or how I hated the smell.

X

"Alright everyone! The pose is set!" The sun was still in the sky when Nami called us all in from our raiding. That… didn't feel right. I yawned, coughed, and swatted at a hallucination before grabbing one last barrel of water and making my way back to the _Merry_. Ruatha squawked happily and rested his chin on my head.

"We're leaving already?" I asked numbly as I climbed aboard. Everyone nodded. I frowned. "But… But it's not night yet, let alone midnight. I haven't seen any signs of the Mr Five pair."

Nami shrugged. "Well, that's their loss. If we're leaving earlier than you remember, that just means we'll be at Alabasta that much sooner. Depending on the islands in between, at least."

I seriously doubted that. Even if we could get through Little Garden faster, having Nami laid up ill in Drum Kingdom would probably undo any gains we made in time. And even if it didn't, we were only gaining maybe six hours- not much. Although… I knew how to prevent Nami getting sick. I should… I liked her, and I think she even liked me, most of the time at least. We were crewmates, almost family. And things had been so _close_ if I was remembering canon correctly. What if my involvement threw our timing off the other way too, made us take longer between Little Garden and Drum? I couldn't risk Nami's life like that.

But if I didn't… If I didn't, what about Chopper? Because if no one was ill, there was no reason to stop in Drum Kingdom and get a doctor. Getting to Alabasta a few days earlier could give us an advantage dealing with Crocodile, but without Chopper, what would happen further down the line? Would we lose someone at Ennies Lobby if we didn't have access to proper medical care? Thriller Bark? And Wapol would probably be able to regain his hold on Drum… I didn't want to think about it. My fingernails dug into my palm hard enough to draw blood, although I didn't realize this until a coughing fit snapped me out of my daze.

"You alright Jones?" Zoro stepped to the side when I went to punch him, one eyebrow rising. The altercation earned a startled squawk from Carue, and an amused chatter from Ruatha.

"Fine! I'm- yaaaaaaaah- _fucking_ fine!" This time, a hallucination struck _as_ my mind was trying to blank out. The bosun caught me before I could stagger overboard, groping for a shadow that wasn't there.

"Just lie down already." Dark eyes bored into mine; I looked away, submitting. "You've been up for what? Thirty-six hours now? More?"

"Dunno. Wasn't counting." I didn't resist when Zoro took my water barrel, but I didn't move to go rest either. At least, not until Ghin came up behind me and grabbed me by the back of the neck.

"Go to _bed_ ," he ordered, shoving me towards the main hatch. "Or at least have a nap somewhere. If I see you still up and about in five minutes, I'll sit on you until you stay down."

"But what if-?"

"If anything that looks important happens, someone'll wake you up."

Since the Baroque Works agents were no longer prisoners and their belongings were being moved to the appropriate cabins, I made my way towards the hold and my preferred bed. Not that I got there. Ghin's threat had been unnecessary; forget five minutes, I barely lasted five steps before my mind finally succeeded in blanking out properly, sending me tumbling face-first into darkness. Or, well, the deck, but it looked and felt like darkness from my perspective.

X

I woke up to the sticky, slimy sensation of Ruatha licking my face. Judging by the fact that I felt even worse than when I'd fallen asleep, I'd only slept for an hour or two. My eyelids no longer felt so heavy, but my head was filled with cotton balls and my stomach was roiling. Although part of that second bit was probably that I hadn't yet discharged all the force I'd absorbed back in the fight. Also, the muscles at the base of my spine were starting to stiffen up and my tailbone ached something fierce. _Lovely_. I groaned and swatted at my dragonet, sitting up and removing my glasses to clean them. Ruatha seemed to see this as some sort of victory, as he began doing a strange dance in a circle around me. I rolled my eyes and yawned.

"Yaaaaaaah- Yes, yes, you're cute. Is there a _reason_ you woke me up?"

"Sha!"

"Sorry, I don't speak baby dragon." Although Ruatha was perfectly capable of making his desires known without words. The dragonet finished his dance and climbed onto my shoulder, crooning and gnawing on the brim of my hat. At that point I gave up trying to save my headwear. No matter how many times I slapped him on the muzzle, he always came back.

It was about then that I noticed I was no longer on the deck, which I was certain was where I'd fallen asleep. Instead there was worn canvas under me, folded atop a pair of large crates. All around me was in darkness, except for a single beam of orange light filtering through a portal. Someone- likely Ghin- had moved me down to my corner of the hold.

With my dragon on my shoulder, I climbed back up on deck. Everything seemed peaceful; there was no shouting, no one was racing through the rigging or hauling the capstan around. In fact, almost everybody seemed to be preparing for a party. Delicious smells poured out of the kitchen- spices, coffee, frying fish, and something fruity that I couldn't quite identify, although it _was_ familiar. Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku were busy setting out pillows and blankets in some sort of makeshift picnic configuration, while Luffy chased Carue across the ship.

"Come back here duck! I need yellow feathers to make decorations!"

"Quack!" In an attempt to avoid plucking, the duck dove behind Nami and Vivi. The pair were at Nami's usual table up on the poop deck, where the princess was describing the geography of Alabasta to our eager navigator.

Ghin stared at me as I emerged from the hatch, then shook his head with an exasperated sigh. "You didn't need to get up yet."

"Ruatha thought I should. So… Can someone please explain what we're supposed to be celebrating?"

Luffy paused in his pursuit of Carue. "Nothing. Pirates like parties and you said there would be one, but there wasn't, so we should make our own." Ah, Luffy logic, you never cease to amaze and confuse me.

"Okay then." I shrugged. "In that case, I'll be up in the crow's nest keeping watch if anyone needs me."

"Huh? Why?"

"I don't like parties Captain."

Blank eyes. Luffy's stare was the personification of Error 404 as he stared at me; it took him over a minute to find the words he was looking for. "But you're a pirate! Pirates like parties- how can you not like parties?"

"Too loud, too many people jammed close together, almost never know anyone there, can't stand drunk people... Take your pick."

Luffy's eyes went from blank to lighting up into determined stars. "Well, this one'll be different, cause you know us and there aren't lots of people! And I won't let anyone get all the way drunk!" The rubber boy spun and shouted for the whole crew to hear. "HEY EVERYONE! NO GETTING ALL THE WAY DRUNK, OKAY? IT MAKES JONES UNCOMFORTABLE!"

Zoro snorted. "As if I would… A true swordsman never drinks himself into a stupor."

Johnny and Yosaku nodded enthusiastically. "What Big Bro said!"

"I've never been drunk a day in my life," Usopp boasted. "In fact, one time I got in a drinking contest and was still stone-cold sober by the time I'd beaten a half-giant and six dwarves!" That unlikely claim earned him a staff to the head, courtesy of Nami.

Mairead appeared beside me when Luffy raced off to continue trying to pluck Carue. I jumped; a woman that size had no right to be able to move that quietly! First Zoro, now her… How was it that all these tall, muscular, _highly visible_ people were unintentional masters of stealth? Or were they just masters of nearly giving me in particular heart attacks?

"This is an odd little crew. I've never seen pirates who'd let the discomfort of a single member get in the way of getting drunk off their asses."

"That's probably not the oddest thing you'll see, sailing with us." I scratched Ruatha's mane as I glanced up at the former Baroque Works agent. "Do most pirate crews have a coward whose lies and boasts can become reality? A ship with only a single cannon? Rotating night watch shifts that are more concerned with keeping the captain out of the galley than the approach of strange ships? A chain of command that looks like someone threw mashed potatoes on the floor and started doodling in them?"

"No, I guess not." Mairead shook her head and smiled. "It's refreshing, actually. The bit about the chain of command, I mean. Baroque Works was so rigid; I'd almost forgotten what this sort of childish freedom looked like. People like you kids had no place in Mr Zero's utopia."

"Which is unfair. How can a place be paradise without freedom? No, what Crocodile would've ended up with would be a _dys_ topia." Wait… Was that what the _One Piece_ world as a whole was meant to be? With all the shifty, controlling, often downright evil things the World Government pulled, maybe. Even some of the seemingly happy places- Goa Kingdom, Dressrosa- were like _1984_ or _Brave New World_ once you dug deeper. I made a face at that realization. I _hated_ those books.

Mairead shot me an odd look. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." I waved her off and went to make myself useful with the party preparations.

Everything was ready just after the sun went down. Sanji set places out on a spread of blankets in the middle of the deck- a pirate picnic of fried red herring, spiced chips, and coffee cake complete with Jolly Roger icing. There were even piña coladas, although I wasn't sure where or when the cook had the opportunity to pick up coconuts and pineapples. Not that I paid much attention to the grocery shopping, except when I gave people lists for Loguetown. I probably should. Knowing what was available to work with on the ship might be important.

Whatever decorations Luffy wanted Carue's feathers for never got made. The duck was too good at hiding behind Nami and Vivi; the rubber boy couldn't get close. But we _did_ have candles everywhere to give off festive light. Usopp and I had been in charge of lighting those, to the gunner's annoyance. What can I say? There were a _lot_ of candles. He looked askance at me as we finished.

"Jones… Can't dragons breathe fire?" The sniper shot a pointed look at my constant passenger.

"Actually, that's a poor way of saying it." I patted Ruatha as the dragonet yanked on my bandanna for attention. "Dragons don't breathe fire any more than you or I breathe saliva. They exhale it, or maybe spit is a better word. And not all dragon breath weapons are fire anyway. There's also lightning, ice, acid, poison gas… Some have a roar that can produce shockwaves instead, and others don't have a breath weapon at all. And I didn't see any of the adult millennial dragons use a breath weapon, so I don't know which stories might apply, if any. Although even if he _can_ spit fire, I think Ruatha's too young for that. I mean, he's only a few days old."

"…You know _way_ too much about this stuff."

"Probably. But now that I actually have a dragon, some of it has to come in handy." Ruatha apparently took offense at those words, as he began tugging my bandanna tight enough to choke me. Probably an attempt to show that he had me as much as I had him. I removed the dragonet from my shoulder and swatted him on the rump.

"Hey! You don't do that! I'm supposed to be your mother- show some respect."

"Nah!" Ruatha flinched. His eyes went wide, the same expression as a puppy that knows it's done something wrong, before he buried his face in my chest.

Usopp shuddered. "Can't say I envy any kids you have."

"It's fine. I'm not hitting him hard enough to hurt, just to make some noise and scare him a bit. If I'd started choking someone when I was little, pretty sure my mom would've done the same thing."

I was on edge as we ate, just waiting for something to happen. But Mr Five and Miss Valentine were nowhere to be seen, and there was no sign of Robin either. We'd left Whiskey Peak so early… I began to wonder if we'd see them at all, and if it would change anything down the line if we didn't. Hard to say. So I tried not to worry too much as I fought Ruatha for control of my potatoes.

It was funny watching Vivi, Jack, and Mairead's reactions to their first meal with the crew. They were stunned for the first minute, staring as Luffy stole from almost everyone while I wrestled with my dragon off to the side. Then they noticed that rubber hands were sneaking bits from _their_ plates too- a fry here, a strip of fish there, not enough to be immediately noticeable. Luffy was learning subtlety. But eventually Jack spotted him and yelled, bringing one of his bats down on a thieving hand.

"Hey! Stop that!"

Luffy pouted. "But you weren't eating it- just sitting there staring at everyone."

"Because you guys are so weird! Who ever heard of a dinner like this?"

Yosaku shook his head. "Breakfast, lunch, dinner… It's like this whenever we all sit down for a meal together Bro. you'll get used to it." The green hunter jabbed Luffy in the hand with a fork without looking when, midway through the conversation, the captain decided that Yosaku was distracted enough to be easy pickings.

It didn't take long for everyone to be done eating- in Luffy's presence, it never did. The captain pouted as we moved all the blankets and pillows to the sides of the deck. "Dammit… I forgot- we don't have a musician yet. How can we have our own parties without a musician?"

Ghin's eyebrows pinched together as he debated whether or not to offer his singing skills again. To my surprise, Mairead was also frowning. Then, without a word, the muscular woman began tapping experimentally at the deck and rails of the _Merry_. Everyone watched her with confusion- except Vivi and Jack, who made soft noises of understanding. Mairead nodded, pleased with whatever she'd found. Her experimental tapping slowly grew into a complex rhythm, beat out on the deck, the rail, and her own hands and knees. It sounded like something a particularly skilled summer camp counsellor might come up with around a bonfire.

Luffy stopped whining to shoot Mairead an incredulous look. "Are _you_ a musician?"

"No." She didn't pause as she spoke. "But where I come from, fancy instruments weren't common. This's how we made the beat for town dances. Mr Ei- Igaram and I sometimes had disagreements about music because of it."

"Oh! Cool!" Luffy immediately grabbed Usopp and pulled the sniper to the center of the deck, performing some strange monkey dance that vaguely followed Mairead's beat. One by one, the rest of the crew joined in with varying levels of dancing skill.

I sat by a rail and watched as my crew mates danced. Even Nami got into it, dragging Vivi along with her. As I'd suspected, the princess was an excellent dancer. In contrast, her Baroque Works partner had no sense of rhythm- although Jack made up for that with his acrobatics and enthusiasm. It was fun, watching them all enjoy themselves.

At one point, Johnny shimmied his awkward gangly way over to me and held out his hand. "Come on Big Sis! Come dance!"

"No." I curled into a ball and rested my chin on my knees. "You can take Ruatha though."

"Why?"

"I just don't dance, okay?" Especially not when I was still tired and force-nauseous. "Plus, I'm still exhausted, and my tailbone hurts a _lot_. Might not be able to walk tomorrow." To get the blue hunter to stop pushing, I shoved my dragon at him. Ruatha let out a gleeful chirp and began flapping and hopping about; Johnny looked like he was about to protest, then shrugged and followed the dragon's lead. The sight- something between the Chicken Dance, a polka, and the Macarena- made me smile.

Stars popped out one by one as the party went on; the moons rose. I lost track of the time, yawning and laughing as everyone else engaged in progressively sillier dances. As _if_ the Straw Hats needed alcohol to lose all inhibitions; I wasn't sure if I should be grateful that it meant I'd never be trapped on a ship with drunk people, or terrified of the thought that they didn't _need_ to get drunk. Exactly what kind of dance required Yosaku to take off his coat and whirl it around himself like a torero's cape? Or Johnny and Usopp to take turns _prancing_ around him and charging through said whirling coat? And since _when_ was Zoro willing to dance _at all_ , let alone while holding hands with Luffy and wearing a warbling dragon as a hat?

The captain probably made him do it.

Even through the music and laughter, I didn't let my guard drop completely. Part of that was habit, from how much I disliked parties. Especially in first year, when being anywhere _near_ a party- even if you weren't a participant- was apparently an invitation for drunk people to come harass you. So I kept an eye out as best I could; while it was too dark to see Mr Five's boat on the horizon, I'm sure it passed us. With how sound carries over water, I was surprised that the agents didn't come to investigate, assuming we _did_ pass them; then again, this was the Grand Line. There was nothing suspicious about a band of pirates having a loud party, and the agents were on a mission. Since they weren't close enough to _see_ Vivi on our ship, why would they think she was here- or even take the time to check?

Something splashed in the water behind me. I turned to glance over the rail, but there was nothing there. It was just a fish.

Ghin had started singing _Get Up Jack, John Sit Down_ ; I considered the possibility of it becoming my new favourite song. The former Krieg pirate was arm in arm with Luffy and Sanji, creating some sort of three-man pinwheel. Sanji's face was full of confusion and distaste, not quite certain how he'd gotten there. The best part, though, was that despite the silly dance he appeared to be leading, Ghin still wore his usual sardonic smirk.

Part of me wanted to join in. I'd never been taught to dance, but figure skating was probably close enough- not that I expected my crew mates would care what my dancing looked like. But dancing was embarrassing, and with a broken tailbone… Maybe some other time. I wasn't ready just yet.

Ruatha tackled me in a bout of enthusiasm, claws raking lines on the sides of my face. He grabbed my hat in his mouth and took off, dancing around with his prize. I shook my head and leaned back against the rail, too tired and sore to play tag with a baby dragon who always had a surplus of energy. Besides… For all he liked to chew on my hat, he never did it any real harm. It would be fine.

For the first time I could remember, I felt safe and relaxed at a party. I let my eyes close, drifting off to the sounds of the music and dancing. Not that they were exactly a lullaby, but I _really_ needed some sleep. After a few minutes, someone sat down beside me. Delicate fingers carded through my hair. Must be Nami- Vivi would never… Not with me. Although I couldn't really see Nami doing this either… I kept my eyes closed so I didn't embarrass her, leaning into the touch like a cat.

The stroking fingers began to toy with my ponytail, removing the elastic and combing out knots. That made me a little uncomfortable, although I'd never been able to explain why- I just hated people messing with my hair. Probably an extension of my dislike for being touched. But while I tensed, I trusted Nami enough to let her keep going. I relaxed after a while when nothing happened. Once all the knots were gone, Nami started to braid my hair. She was very gentle about it- in the past when my mother had done this, the tugging hurt my scalp, but I barely noticed Nami pulling at all. Maybe she'd practiced with Nojiko when they were little. Soon my elastic was back in, wrapped around the end of a thick braid that lay heavy on my neck. Hmm… Actually, this felt like it might make a good weapon. Still preferred my ponytail though.

"I don't suppose there's any of that coffee cake left? It smelled delicious." Hold on a second- _that wasn't Nami's voice_. It was familiar though, from years of watching the anime. I opened my eyes to see Nico Robin sitting beside me, chin resting on her hands. Two more hands that had sprouted out of my shoulders were the ones playing with my hair- I was already so used to carrying Ruatha's weight that I hadn't noticed.

Besides me, Sanji saw her first. I think her little corset/tank top/vest- maudit, like I knew what the thing she was wearing should be called- and short skirt may have done something to the cook's brain. He spun in place, letting out a wordless cry as his eyes turned to hearts and a stream of blood leaked from his nose. Robin tilted her cowboy hat back with a chuckle. I have to admit, I wasn't unaffected by her clothes either. They very revealing, and the sight made me uncomfortable in a number of ways. I want to say Robin wore a lot of purple, since her whole outfit was made of the colour, but given that you could put everything she wore together and come up with less fabric than was in my shirt- despite her being _much_ taller than me- I wasn't sure if it _could_ count as a lot.

Everyone froze, the party dying down in an instant. I dove away from Robin despite protests from my tail area, spinning around to crouch facing her. Vivi gasped. The princess retrieved her Peacock Slashers and prepared for a fight. "What are you doing here, Miss All Sunday?"

Oh, right, _that_ was her alias. Robin's answer to Vivi's question was to vanish the arms that had sprouted on my shoulders and smile. "Oh, there you are Princess. This explains why everyone in Whiskey Peak was unconscious when I went to check on you."

"Don't play like you're some sort of benefactor! I know you're the one who told Crocodile we'd discovered his identity!" I'd never seen Vivi so angry- and given the relationship I currently had with her, that was actually kind of impressive.

"Yes, but I'm also the one who led you to him in the first place." Either Robin was a _very_ good actress, or she enjoyed messing with people's heads with that little smile of hers. Probably both. Seriously though, it was like Tom Cruise's smile, except more devious and chaotic.

Vivi took a step back, her brow creased in confusion. Jack and Mairead were very carefully standing behind the mast, trying to remain inconspicuous. Not sure how well that was gonna work out for them. Despite her obvious fear, though, the princess remained firm. "Why- why would you do something like that?"

"To see what would happen." Yep, Robin definitely liked messing with people's heads. The archaeologist took off her hat and began playing with it. Vivi growled.

"What kind of monster uses _that_ as a reason?" The princess made to charge at Robin; Zoro stepped in front of her.

"Calm down, Princess. That woman's on a whole different level than you." The bosun reached for me as soon as he was sure Vivi had stopped. "Jones, you get back too."

"No, I- yaaaaaah- I'll be fine."

Robin was still focused on Vivi, totally unconcerned that the princess was being bodily prevented from attacking her. "Believe it or not, Princess, I didn't actually come here to capture you. As far as I'm concerned, all those unconscious bodies mean you escaped from Whiskey Peak undetected. No, I was simply curious. I saw your guard on my way to Whiskey Peak, but no sign of you with him. When you were also not among the casualties in the town, I decided it was for the best if I have a look around."

Vivi's eyes blazed; the princess shocked me with her ability to continue to soar to never-before-seen heights of fury. Also, since she was now struggling to escape Zoro's hold, she had either been bullshitting me yesterday when she claimed not to be a fighter, or her anger made her forget that Robin could probably take her apart. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO IGARAM?"

Robin shook her head in a way that suggested she found the princess' anger adorable. "What makes you think I did anything to him?"

Well, to be fair, in canon you blew him up in a nonlethal explosion. I wondered if she'd done the same here. Probably. Although if Igaram had been in a different position, further away from the shore… _Tabarnak_. Should I tell Vivi that her guard may be fine, but equally likely was a charred, drowned corpse at the bottom of the sea? Or should I let her imagination fill things in on her own?

"You're the woman helping Sir Crocodile destroy my country! _Of course_ you did something to him!" Vivi actually managed to flick one of her Peacock Slashers out past Zoro to slice a nick on Robin's cheek. Hmm… Since the princess already didn't like me, saying nothing might be the best option for now. Besides, Igaram would be _fine_.

Right?

For her part, the archaeologist lost her little smile. In fact, her expression became so frigid that even _I_ , the local Canadian, was left shivering. "Princess, I'll have to ask you to refrain from commenting on things you know _nothing_ about. My goals are my own, and have _nothing_ to do with the destruction of Alabasta or _any_ other nation. Seeing _one_ country destroyed was more than enough for me."

Vivi sputtered, unsure what to make of that. Silence fell, dark and uncomfortable. Robin stared at the princess for several long minutes before clearing her throat and forcing her Tom Cruise smile back on her face. And yes, I could tell it was forced, both from the appearance and from the topic that had just been under discussion. "Now, as I said earlier, I'm curious- why would a bunch of pirates allow their prisoners free reign of the ship? You can't ransom a princess who escapes."

"Vivi's not a prisoner." Luffy cocked his head to the side in confusion, unsure of what was going on. "Not anymore, anyway. We're gonna go kick Crocodile's ass and save her country."

"What our _dear_ captain means," Nami elaborated, marching over to grind a fist into a rubber skull, "Is that she's not a prisoner, she's our _employer_. And it makes perfect sense for our employer and her friends to have run of the ship until we get them home."

Resting her chin on one hand, Robin started to relax. "Really? Interesting… I've never heard of pirates working for a member of the nobility before- except the Warlords of the Sea, of course." The archaeologist sprouted a number of hands in random places. They didn't do anything- yet- but the message was clear. She could get us any time, from any direction, should we choose to attack. Since Vivi looked both confused and mutinous, this was a reasonable precaution.

Nami snapped her staff together, ready but not threatening. "Well, we're not your usual sort of pirates."

"I can see that. My question still stands though- is there any of that coffee cake left?"

"Whether there is or not, why would we invite an enemy to eat with us?" A vein throbbed in Vivi's forehead. "This is a pirate ship, not a state dinner!"

Sighing, I pasted on my server's smile. Not that I wanted to be cold with Robin any more than I'd wanted to be cold with Vivi, but for the moment, that was diplomatically the best option. "Please ignore the princess for now- she's understandably upset by her kingdom's situation and isn't thinking rationally." A few good kicks brought Sanji back to coherence, if not all the way back to his senses. "Do we have any coffee cake left? We've got a guest."

"Of course we do! I was saving some for afternoon tea tomorrow."

Eh? "Since when does anyone on this ship drink afternoon tea?"

"Well, I thought that now her identity as a princess no longer has to be hidden from her partner, Vivi might like some." Aaaaand the cook was spinning again. Zoro shook his head and brought Sanji to a halt by grabbing his arm; the mood whiplash was hilarious.

"Oi! Hands off, shitty Moss Head!"

"I'll listen to you when you quit flirting with the enemy, Shit Cook!"

"Focus!" I clapped my hands, discharging a tiny bit of force to try and make it louder. Of course, I paid for that- the recoil made me stumble backwards and flung my arms apart. Okay, note to self, don't try that again until I had more consistent control. That was _not_ as tiny as I meant it to be. "Sanji, please get some cake for our guest."

"Of course Jones." The cook marched off to the galley. Vivi glared at me like she was trying to decide the best way to murder me in my sleep, but said nothing.

Robin looked intrigued. "And who are you on this ship, that you have the authority to order him around?"

"Just the local witch. Sanji will take orders from any non-hostile female- and a lot of the hostile ones too."

"Jones…" Nami growled my name. I waved a hand at her in a way I hope implied I knew what I was doing. Although I really didn't. And that _terrified_ me- Robin was an assassin; if I ticked _her_ off, she wouldn't _wish_ she could murder me in my sleep. She'd succeed. On top of that, Robin was enough older than me that she started to count as an authority figure as far as my anxiety was concerned. Not enough to prevent me speaking, but I could feel myself starting to shake.

Elegant eyebrows rose in surprise. "That's an awfully useful piece of information to just hand over to a potential enemy."

"Eh, there are much worse things I could tell you." I weighed each word carefully, trying to gauge how Robin was most likely to react. Had to make sure I didn't slip up with names and things like I did with Vivi. Which probably meant anything about history or poneglyphs was out too, at least until she joined our crew. Unless I could manage subtle and non-threatening to a great enough degree…

"Such as?"

"Afraid I can't say. You didn't expect me to fall into that simple of a trap, did you? I'm not my captain."

That remark made Robin pause, since she didn't yet know Luffy to know what it meant. I let my smile grow broader in the silence that followed, although it was still fake as hell. Sanji returned from the galley with a slice of coffee cake, which he handed to Robin with a bow.

"Here you are, milady."

"Thank you." Robin looked far more comfortable eating while surrounded by hostiles than I would've been. When she was done, Sanji took her dishes back to the kitchen and piled them with all the others to wash later. _Merry_ shivered under our feet at that action, although only Usopp seemed to feel it. The gunner frowned at the deck in confusion.

"Now… I must admit, you have me curious. If you're carrying the princess, her turncoat partner, and a third traitor back to Alabasta, why are you not taking the direct route? Surely one of them has an eternal pose? Or was that on the same boat as her guard?" Hands bloomed on Luffy's shoulders, removing his hat and ruffling his hair. He growled and swiped at them, but they disappeared, dropping his hat back onto his head.

"Hey! Don't touch the hat!"

"My apologies." Robin didn't look sorry at all.

"Ruatha, give." I held out my hand. It was a gamble, asking the dragonet for a trick I hadn't even started teaching him, but it worked. My chewed, damp hat was deposited in my hand; I wiped it off and placed it on my head as I stood up. I was still too short to look Robin in the eye, forcing me to tilt my head up, but even that was part of my calculations. The hat thing let her know I had a dragon at my beck and call before drawing her attention to my face- my acne-and-ammonia-scarred, dragon-scratched face. It had been a source of tension between my mother and I for years, the fact that I didn't care about scars and often wore the ones I had with pride. And now it was coming in useful. I was too small to be intimidating just by standing there, so I made sure to showcase that I was a warrior- that even if I was choosing to start with words, I wouldn't back down if I thought I'd be hurt.

"Miss All Sunday, was it?" I tried to give Robin a look that said I knew more than I was saying, but since I had no idea what such an expression might look like, I doubt I succeeded. "I think you'll find that sitting back and watching us work will be far more amusing than attempting to sway our crew from our current course. That is, if _seeing what will happen_ is your actual goal. After all… Wouldn't it be interesting to see what happens when Crocodile clashes with the Will of D?"

"You know what the Will of D means?" Suspicious, curious, but not hostile. Yet.

"Not really." I shrugged. "But I know that my captain- _Monkey D Luffy_ \- is one of its bearers, and I know he'll be king of the pirates, so he can't be defeated yet. The clock is ticking on Sir Crocodile."

"Is that a threat?" A faint chuckle of amusement- even if I _had_ been trying to threaten her, Robin wasn't taking me seriously.

Pulling one of my apples out of my utility belt, I munched on it to buy myself time to think. Plus it made me look like more of an asshole, which would help hide my nervousness. "No, not a threat. I never threaten." _Crunch_. Oh, that was a good apple. Nice dramatic noise. "Just a fact. Like I said, I'm a witch- there's a lot of things I know about before they happen. Or after, or from a distance…"

"Impossible. Magic doesn't exist- it was just how the ancients explained the power of Devil Fruits." I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you Robin. Some of what Basil Hawkins could do looked like magic to me.

"Really? You think it's impossible? How about we test it then- ask me a question. Your skepticism against my magic."

Of course, there was always the possibility that she would ask something I didn't know for sure. Robin shook her head, her smile shifting slightly so it was tinged with condescension. "Where would the point be in that? The future can't be known, there's no way I could verify distant events taking place in the present, and anything I could ask you about the past is something there's a possibility of you having read in a book or newspaper."

Well, that sentence was full of as much BS as some undergrad English papers I knew. She _did_ have some past events that there was no way for me to have read about- well, unless I'd somehow gotten hold of classified government documents that may or may not exist. "Really? There's _nothing_ you could think of to ask me that would prove whether I'm telling the truth?"

"You're fishing for something." Robin stood up to her full height, making me look up even more. "You already have a question or set of questions in mind, don't you? That's how this always works, with you leading people on- although I admit, your lack of airs and false mystique is refreshing."

Okay, she wasn't going to come easily. To be expected; if anyone had a reason to be suspicious, it was Robin. "I'll admit, there are some things I know better than others, and some I was hoping you'd ask about that would definitely prove me right." All this dancing around the subject was getting frustrating, even if it _was_ the safest way to go about this. I sighed. "Look Miss, there are things in this world that can't be explained even by the spectacular BS of Devil Fruits." Like how I'd ended up in _One Piece_ in the first place. "Sometimes you just have to take things on faith."

A hand gripped my shoulder. "Jones, what are you doing?" Ghin's words were a low rumble, barely audible. I brushed him off.

Robin looked away, her hat shadowing her eyes. "You'll have to forgive me, little witch. I don't mean to offend yours with my skepticism, but I've seen little in this world to leave me with any faith." Her voice remained calm and even, despite what she was probably thinking about since Vivi brought up destroying countries.

Ohara.

"I know. But it's once you regain your faith in others and yourself that you'll find a way towards what you're looking for."

"Exactly the sort of meaningless platitude I expected to hear from someone claiming to be a witch," Robin chuckled. "Your kind aren't the most original." She turned out to sea and whistled. I was surprised at her willingness to put her back to a crew of strange pirates, even for a few seconds.

There was a great sucking splash beside the _Merry_ , followed by slopping noises. The ship rocked. Green scales emerged from the waves, the largest sea turtle I'd ever seen. Its shell- adorned with a shaded armchair howdah- was the size of a pickup truck; a white cowboy hat as big as a bathtub sat on its wrinkled head. Robin stepped up on the rail in order to reach out and mount her companion- funny, the turtle had never shown up after this in canon. I wondered where it went. Just as the future Straw Hat was about to leave, though, my traitor mouth opened up with something I hadn't meant to say.

"My uncle was an archaeologist." Not true, as much as I liked to call him Uncle Indy as a joke. Was this particular lapse of control an authorial shenanigan? Probably…

Though my words had been quiet, they made Robin freeze. She turned to stare at me, knuckles going white on the arms of her seat. "Your uncle… was an archaeologist?"

Well, he wasn't really my uncle, but my writer had a point. I'd been born with a fortunate name when it came to adventure and piracy; why not use it? "Yes. Uncle Indy was a history professor and an archaeologist with a habit of biting off more than he could chew and narrowly escaping from powerful men." At least I knew some stories I could tweak if she interrogated me on the spot about his explorations.

"Indy… I don't recall hearing of an archaeologist by that name."

"His full name was Jones Henry Junior, actually, although he preferred to go by Indiana. And I'm not surprised." Because he came from an entirely different fictional world. "The men from whom he liberated certain artifacts were very powerful, and they didn't like him very much."

"Are you implying that the World Government had your uncle erased from history?" Robin's full attention was back on me. With the lack of directions forthcoming, her turtle appeared to be falling asleep.

Johnny and Yosaku yelped. "They can't do something like that! Can they? But wait- isn't Big Sis from- oof!" Nami helpfully preserved my secret by smacking the hunters upside the head simultaneously.

"They can." Apple finished, I dug out the seeds before throwing the core away. Johnny and Yosaku paled. Robin nodded.

"A single man, an island, whole periods of history- nothing is safe from their reach. So… Your fishing for questions was meant to guide me to the day- the day your uncle's homeland was destroyed. Which means you know who I am, doesn't it?"

"I do."

Robin heaved a heavy sigh. "And what is it you want from me? To capture me and hand me over to the government after beating Crocodile, that your little captain might take his place among the Seven Warlords of the Sea?"

That earned an indignant yelp from said little captain. "Blech! No way! The pirate king is the freest on the seas- I can't be pirate king if I have to work with the snotty government! It'd be like being a marine!" He folded his arms and pouted. Adorable. Nami patted Luffy on the head.

"Don't worry, we all know you're a big, bad pirate captain who doesn't listen to anyone and isn't afraid of anything- except his grandfather."

Ruatha climbed onto my shoulder, sniffing in Robin's direction. I stroked him as I shook my head in response to the archaeologist's words. "No, nothing like that, even if the captain _would_ let me. Like I said before, you need to relearn faith in others and yourself. What I want from you, if you _must_ understand it that way, is for you not to give up. Alabasta _isn't_ your last hope."

Deep blue eyes went wide before narrowing to slits. A pair of hands bloomed on my shoulders, threatening, though they took no actions as of yet. "How- how did you know about that? I've never told anyone-!"

"I told you, magic." As confident as I was in my ability to escape chokeholds under normal circumstances, I wasn't sure how I'd manage if Robin decided to try something. The inability to directly attack her body could be troublesome.

"And _I_ told _you_ , magic doesn't exist."

"Just believe already, Muggle." And _that_ is how you get an archaeologist/assassin to try and strangle you. Fingers closed over my windpipe; after a second of choking and flailing, it occurred to me to jab my thumbs into pressure points on her forearms. This caused the arms sprouting from my shoulders to disappear as Robin winced. I reached a finger under my bandanna to rub my bruised neck.

"My apologies; I don't know what came over me." Yeah, no, not sincere at all. The entire crew was hostile now; Ghin had actually pulled out his pistols, something he hadn't done since purchasing them in Loguetown. On the other end of the spectrum, Sanji was torn. A girl versus girl dilemma must be almost enough to break his brain.

"You don't mean that, but that's okay. I forgive you anyway. After all, you're hardly the first to want to strangle me." I shot Vivi a significant look. The princess froze and sputtered, unhappy to learn she and Miss All Sunday had anything in common.

"Look, I know you think the- the one in Alabasta is your best bet." I avoided mentioning poneglyphs by name so as not to arouse uncomfortable questions from Jack and Mairead. "It's worth checking out, don't get me wrong, but it's not the one you're looking for. That one's much more well hidden- and aside from that, I know the locations of six others. But I can't read them. Uncle Indy never taught me. The archaeologists' dream rests on you."

Robin stared at me long and hard. "I'll admit it- you know a lot more than you should. And I appreciate that you're at least attempting to be delicate about things, even if it's about as effective as attempting subtlety with a sledgehammer. But I hope you'll forgive me for not believing you. Not only are you making claims for something that cannot exist, but trust is something that doesn't come easy after the life I've lived."

"As long as you're not gonna continue trying to kill me, I can live with that."

"Even _that_ is a promise I won't make. Knowledge is power and what you know can hurt a lot more than just you, as I learned long ago. But for now, I think I'll reserve judgement."

Proving her words an immediate lie, Robin threw something at my head. Probably wanted to make a point about how people can't be trusted. Don't worry Robin, I learned that years ago too. The difference is that now I know some who _can_. The thrown object glinted in the dim light, metallic and sharp. A knife. Never saw Robin use throwing knives in canon, but it made some kind of sense. There had to be situations where the Flower-Flower Fruit wasn't ideal for assassination. I flicked up a sai to deflect the knife, sending it clattering across the deck.

A single black eyebrow rose over a gaze full of appraisal. "For someone who works with words, you're not a bad hand with a weapon. Not just a scribe or a diplomat then- but I suppose I shouldn't expect anything less on a pirate ship."

I grinned broadly. "The pen may be mightier than the sword, but I prefer to have both on hand."

That actually got a laugh- and not one of the condescending chuckles that had been interspersed throughout Robin's earlier dialogue. "Dereshishishi!" I think it startled her as much as it did me, since she immediately clapped a hand over her mouth with a frown. Both the laughter and the ability to startle Robin counted as a victory in my books.

The archaeologist collected her thoughts quickly. "Oh, the little redhead was right; you really aren't the usual brand of pirates. I- it's been a long time since I've been able to laugh like that."

"Come by any time for a repeat performance." I bowed. "If I can't do it through wordplay, we have daily pranks from Johnny and Yosaku; the slapstick comedy of Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin vying to see who can give the others the most brain damage; and Luffy just being himself."

Silence fell, punctuated by the rubbery squeak of Luffy picking his nose. The captain paused, looked at me, and decided that whatever I'd meant by that wasn't worth asking me about and flicking boogers at Usopp was a better use of his time. Not that the gunner noticed, what with his attention being torn between his own shaking knees and an internal debate over whether he should fire a rotten egg at Robin or not. Or at least, that's what it looked like he was thinking about.

Robin's frown changed to a small smile- less devious than her previous ones- as she looked over the _Going Merry_ one last time. "You know, little witch… You may be right. Sitting back and watching you work _might_ be amusing. Especially since you claim to have some information I might want. I suppose I'd best keep an eye on you to find out if it's true."

Oh, for the love of… "I may be short, but don't call me little! I'm only four years younger than you!" Picking up Robin's knife, I tossed it back. It lodged in the brim of her turtle's cowboy hat.

There was no reply as Robin's turtle swam away- well, other than the lap of waves and an echo of laughter coming across the water. "Dereshishishi!"

I sighed and leaned forwards onto the rail. Well, that had gone better than I expected. Only one and a half attempts at murdering me, and I'd managed to make her laugh. I already had a better relationship with Robin than I did with Vivi, and she wasn't even on the crew yet. Although that might make things awkward later… Eh. I'd worry about that if anything came of it. Building an early friendship with Robin wasn't dangerous or anything- probably not, anyway.

It was funny; the more practice I got at this talking to people stuff, the easier it was coming. Even though I'd felt shaky when I started, I'd been able to get through my conversation with Robin without issues. That was nice. Maybe I'd even be able to look people in the eye properly one day. I hadn't thought about it at the time- too focused on the image I was projecting with my words and actions- but between the height difference and my eye contact issue, I'd been staring at Robin's chest the whole time. My face lit up red as I realized this; I banged my head against the rail.

"Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!"

"Um… Big Sis? You alright?" Johnny approached me cautiously, as one might approach a stray dog. His caution was not unfounded; as soon as he was in range, I slammed my fist into his stomach, releasing a pulse of force.

"I'm _fine_." My nausea was gone now, which was nice. The blue hunter wheezed as he was thrown backwards, making me feel bad for punching him. I pulled my hat down over my eyes. "Sorry Johnny."

"It's okay Big Sis. I'm good. Big Bro Zoro does worse when he makes us train with him." So saying, the blue hunter got to his feet and headed off to talk to Yosaku. Merde. Even if he said it was okay, I'd upset him, hadn't I?

Johnny was right; I still wasn't myself. I needed a good, long sleep. It was- quite frankly- amazing that I'd managed to get through talking to Robin without more yawning, hallucinating, and passing out. Wasn't sure if that was luck or a Deus ex Machina. Either way, it was time for bed. I rubbed Ruatha's head as I made my way back down to the hold. Much to my surprise, Carue followed.

"What're you doing?"

"Quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack." Okay, _One Piece_ world or not, I had a serious problem with a duck being able to climb a ladder. Especially when said duck was the size of a small horse. He had no thumbs! I rounded on the duck as soon as we reached level flooring.

"Look, I don't understand what you're trying to do here, but how in the Nine _bloody_ Hells can you do that? You don't have thumbs _or_ claws!" Of course, as soon as I spoke, it occurred to me that Carue was joining me in the hold because Vivi had ordered him to spy on me. Or maybe Nami refused to let him in the girls' cabin.

"Quack…" My shout set Carue to cowering behind a barrel.

I sighed. "Fine, fine, I'm sorry. Maudit, you'd think I'd be used to this stuff already, but no, the weirdness keeps finding new ways to amaze. Just… You better not be following me on orders from your princess or anything."

Carue shook his head vigorously; couldn't tell if he was lying or not, unfortunately. I sighed again and turned away. His cowering _did_ remind me though- just because I thought we'd avoided Mr Five and Miss Valentine was no reason to get cocky. And since this sort of thing wasn't _my_ specialty… "JOHNNY! YOSAKU! GET YOUR BUTTS DOWN HERE! I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING!"

Crashing and thudding announced the approach of the hunters overhead. They flung open the hatch and tried to shove their way through at the same time, only to tumble comically to the floor. They sat up with identical groans. "What's the matter Big Sis? Where's the fire?"

"There isn't one, yet. That said, you guys need to check all the supplies for bombs and traps and stuff."

The hunters looked at each other in confusion. "Okay Big Sis. But… Why?"

"Because in the story some idiots put explosives in one of our rum barrels, and while I haven't seen said idiots, that doesn't mean- yaaaaaaah- doesn't mean there's nothing to worry about. And you know more about traps than I do."

Shrugging, the pair got to work. I tried to watch and learn how they checked for traps, but I was still too tired. My eyelids drooped closed as I sank to the floor; I leaned back against something soft. An indeterminate period of time later, I heard Johnny and Yosaku speaking above me. At that point, though, I was already three-quarters of the way to dreamland, unable to even open my eyes.

"Nothing. Do you think Big Sis is just being paranoid?"

"Hard to tell." Yosaku paused for a beat. "Think we should wake her up? A duck doesn't make a good bed."

"Nah, she'll be fine." Johnny's voice trailed off into darkness as sleep- blessed sleep- finally wrapped around me.

 ***Awaits stoning for that cliff-hanger/red herring hybrid between the last actual plot chapter and this one***


	12. Omake the Second

**Gerbilfriend: Yes, sleep deprivation can be scary. I guess that means I did an alright job writing it then; thank you.**

 **Dragondancer81: This probably wasn't what you had in mind for the next chapter— another omake so soon. But rest assured, the next plot chapter is almost done. How awesome it is... I'll let you guys be the judge in a few days.**

 **TheRealEvanSG: Ripples... I prefer to think of it as a butterfly migration myself. After all, ripples are your thing. And I'm glad you enjoyed Jones and Robin, but Jones wasn't actually trying to get Robin healing earlier; she was just trying to get through the conversation with the minimum of bloodshed and got very lucky.**

 **gamelover41592: No, Jones and Vivi are not meant to be a worse version of Zoro and Sanji. Vivi is just very bitter and confused about Jones knowledge and desire to play things close to her chest. As far as Jones being crazier than Cross... My first reaction was "I didn't think that was possible." Then The Patient One agreed with you— which makes me kind of nervous and giddy, because I haven't gotten to what I consider the crazy bits. So now my reaction is "Honey, you ain't seen nothin' yet."**

 **Guest: Heh, thank you. And it's not that a lot of people forget about them; it's that most people don't see them as the fluffy, adorable potential allies that I do.**

 **Lightsbane1905: *dodges fist of love* Brook's— his is the backstory that always affects me most. And yes, I do think Robin would crave a little bit of human contact after being alone for so long— that's why I wrote that bit.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Heh. Yes, the butterfly migration has well and truly begun.**

 **randomlyrite: You're not the first; one of my beta reader's best friends started shipping Jones and Robin before I even finished that chapter. As for whether it will happen... Sorry, but I haven't yet decided if I'm going to include serious romance or not. But if I do, I suppose Jones and Robin would be a valid and interesting pairing.**

 **OnepieceZoroOC: Yeah, I guess I can see how some people would get tired of that. Mostly I've been continuing to write her that way because I— and thus Jones— have difficulty dealing with change a lot of the time. Put me in a totally new place and as long as I know the rules, I'm good. But as soon as you start changing the rules, I either resist or shut down— thus, Jones is fine with the fact that she's in a whole new world, but as soon as things stop matching up to the story, she takes a bit to figure out how to work around that.**

 **wildcat2636: You're welcome.**

 **Xipholynx: Always so happy to see your comments. Thank you very much! ^_^**

 **Kmbrun: Yeah, I knew not everyone would like the fourth wall thing. But if I've managed to write the rest of it well enough that you're willing to look past Jones' nuttiness, I count that as a major win. Thank you very much.**

 **DemonCatLady: Yes, I know the fourth wall breakages and references aren't everyone's cup of tea, and I'm a little sorry— not much, because I enjoy them and that's really how I think a lot of the time, but a little. But I'm glad there are things in the story that make it worth reading for those who don't share my peculiar sense of humour.**

 **Krazyfanfiction1: All I will say on that topic is that yes, Jones can use more than just the force of impact, and you'll see one of the other things she can do in the next chapter. Anything else would be spoilers.**

 **Azurai Wolf: *buried under snowstorm of comments* Thank you for all your wonderful comments! Yeah, Skypiea was one of the things that led me to decide to leave Laboon behind. I was going to have him come, actually, until my beta reader reminded me that hitting a whale with the Knock Up Stream could count as animal cruelty. And yeah, Jones doesn't mean to upset Vivi, but no matter how good you are with words, there's always someone or something you slip up around. And Jones inability to deal properly with emotions certainly didn't help. You win some, you lose some; that's life, both in fiction and outside of it.**

 **A/N: And now, dear readers, I present to you a brief crossover omake by TheRealEvanSG and myself. Enjoy. And yes, we had permission to include the special guests at the end.**

Warm sunlight shone down on a little ram-headed ship, rocking on the waves. The ship was unusually quiet; its entire crew seemed to be belowdecks. For anyone who knew this ship, that would actually be rather alarming— the Straw Hat Pirates weren't exactly a crew known for being quiet.

After a few moments, two figures appeared. From the galley emerged a young man in a leather jacket, while a woman wearing a fedora climbed out of the main hatch. Each carried an animal on their shoulder— the man, a monkey, and the woman, a baby dragon. When the pair saw each other, they froze in confusion. Then the voice of a cheesy announcer rang out over the Going Merry.

Epic Rap Battles of Fanfiction!

EVAN JOHNSON!

VERSUS!

JOOOOOOONES!

BEGIN!

Both pirates looked around for a moment for the source of the voice. There was no one to be seen. Shrugging, the young man with the monkey began to speak as he stalked towards his apparent opponent.

Evan:

Welcome, one and all, to the new verbal wars!

It's your favorite neighborhood Water Boy vs the geek with the Force!

Look, you may be able to absorb physical attacks,

But against these sick burns, there ain't no comin' back!

It's true that INT isn't exactly my highest stat,

But when it comes to rapping, that's where my talent's at!

I mean, next to mine, yours is a story nobody knows!

And your greatest achievement is stopping Sanji's bleeding nose!

So just sit back and discuss your rebuttal with your own author

While I stay up here spitting flames that are hotter

Than Ace, on your case for trying to steal Sabo!

Ouch! Looks like for that burn, you're going to need some water!

He ended with a demonstration, his powers calling great globes of water out of the ocean as he raised his hands. Unimpressed, Evan's opponent rolled her eyes and flipped the bird at… something off to one side.

Jones:

You claim to spit flames? You're a kid waterbender.

What? Couldn't find Aang, you Katara pretender?

Beat me in a word fight? You must be insane,

If your flow's like water, just run down the drain.

And sure, I have less in the follows and fame,

I started four months after you made a name.

Yes I speak to my writer, two are better than one,

My force makes me the bomb, you're a little squirt gun.

And oh, by the way, your last rhyme was a fail,

Your poetry's weak and and your rhythm is frail.

You may be water, but you're about to get burnt.

Oops! Should've warned you— spoiler alert!

Jones wasn't as expressive with her hands, but her eyebrows managed to pick up the slack. Evan smirked and clenched his fists, causing the globes of water hovering beside the ship to explode in a shower of salty droplets.

Evan:

I may have water powers, but my raps are still fire!

I'll wash away your rhymes and continue to climb higher!

Katara only wishes she had half the abilities I do.

Welcome to your opening chapter, part two!

Because after you leave this battle, you'll only be depressed,

I've got writing skills so great, 300 people were impressed!

Under the weight of my story, you'll just be compressed,

Until you cry out for your author to help in distress!

Why don't you run away with that baby that you stole from the dragons?

My attention's starting to drift since your verses are draggin'.

When You See my next plot twist, You'll Shit Bricks.

I'll quench any burns you give me with a flick of the wrist!

I only need one of me to write the best story ever told!

But it's okay; after you die here, you'll just go to another world.

A playful breeze whipped up to ruffle Evan's hair and make his jacket flair dramatically. He only got to enjoy it briefly, though, as a couple seconds later a stomp from Jones produced a shockwave that shook the ship.

Jones:

Little boy, don't you know that compression's a force?

I'll absorb it and use it to knock you off course.

Your raps are not fire, your rhythm's still clunky,

But it should be expected; your partner's a monkey,

Yet he still has more skills and more culture than you-

Just hearing your voice would make Shakespeare turn blue!

Three hundred? That's only impressive in Sparta.

You'll need more to fight me, épais de marde.

And I'm not allowed to die, my captain said so,

So I'm afraid that it's your scrawny ass that must go.

You're a glass cannon; I'm a jack-of-trades fighter-

I could still win if I pulled an all-nighter!

So give up; you can't beat this nerd from the north!

No wall can protect you— not even the fourth.

The fedora-wearing pirate folded her arms as she finished her verse, grinning at the young man across from her in a way that was probably meant to be smug, but just came off as deranged. Almost as soon as she was done speaking, however, another figure swung down from the lines. Armour clanked heavily as he landed; when he straightened, the snail on his shoulder started cackling.

Soundbite:

Did somebody say… FOURTH WALL?

Cross:

It's the biggest self-insertion since Jesus' birth!

I'm going three thousand strong; what are your silly asses worth?

I've crossed two worlds, many seas, and even more opponents,

And now I'm here to rattle this battle at the last moment!

Let's start with Water Boy! More like doughboy; your whole body's soft.

You got beat up by a fish, and can't even hold tonfa aloft.

The only reason you're well known is for omakes of my story,

So don't think about trying to hog even half of the glory.

Soundbite:

And now you there, Miss Jones, a rip-off of Indiana!

Stop yapping and apologize LIKE THEY DO BACK in Canada.

And POINTING FINGERS AT others for being a glass cannon ain't cute-

Because five chapters in, you HAD TO EAT YOUR OWN Devil Fruit.

Cross:

It's funny how you two both claim to spit the hottest rhymes,

'Specially since the Noise-snail is my partner in crime.

With every single word I utter, I cause the whole world to shake!

Nothing either of you says will travel half as far as my voice makes.

I don't need a second verse; Soundbite and I won in one round!

Soundbite:

'Cause there's nothing you TWO CAN do against the GOD OF SOUND!

MIC DROP, BITCHES!

There was a long, deafening silence after Soundbite finished. Three pirates were left staring at each other in a triangle of aggressive confusion— six, if one counted the animals. After a few minutes, the cheesy announcer's voice rang out of nowhere once again.

Who won? Who's next?

YOU DECIDE!

Epic Rap Battles of Fanfiction!


	13. Onomatopoeia

**Onomatopoeia: a word that imitates the sound it represents**

 **The Keeper of Worlds and gamelover41592: Evan and I posted on both fics mostly because our readership doesn't have 100% overlap, and while we knew not everyone would like the rap battle, we didn't want anyone who does like that sort of omake to miss out. And no, I don't think it will be connected to This Bites! as well. It was just the two of us having a little fun.**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you. ^_^**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you very much. We had a lot of fun writing it.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Heh. Thanks. I can't speak for Evan, but I didn't find the effort all that much. It was just a fun little bit of poetry.**

 **bookloverinfinity: Thanks. So that's one vote for Jones and one for Cross on this fic; I'll have to tally with Evan and the comments on Spacebattles to see what the final score comes to. But yeah, I kinda expected Cross to win by popular demand from the moment we got permission to add him in at the end.**

 **WaterStar45: Oh, you had commented; you just weren't signed in, and I was AFK for a few days and couldn't put anonymous reviews through. I'm glad my portrayal of Vivi isn't a deal-breaker; I was a little worried... Actually, there's a lot of things I write that leave me a little worried. The reaction to killing was another example— you're right to assume I've never had that experience in real life. But I know I've been called cold in the past, so I went with 'shock and not really dealing with emotions' as the most likely reaction for my character.**

 **goupil: Debt? I never considered there to be any debt. I thought betting like that was a figure of speech. And I'm afraid I live under a rock and don't know much about any charities right now— my thesis takes up a lot of my time, and anything I have free is pretty much spent on fanfiction. Don't be sad for my sake; yes, I have issues, but they come and go. Things swing pretty far the other way too— "When I'm up, I can't get down, can't get down, can't get level. When I'm up, I can't get down, get my feet back on the ground." As far as the French thing... You're welcome. I can't imagine anyone thinking it was worthless to learn another language. My French isn't nearly as good as I would like it to be— not fully bilingual, but generally enough to get by. I'd put more even more effort into it if I had the time. And as for how I walk so close to the Mary Sue line without crossing it... Probably because when I'm on my up days, I am a bit of a real-life Sue, so I have experience figuring out where to cut things off to avoid irritating most people. Most. Can't please everybody, but it's never stopped me from trying.**

 **hufflepuffbadgersdontcare: Huh. I should've known I wasn't the only one. That scene was based on something that used to happen to me and my twin brother. *shudders* So much nope...**

 **Sakura Hatsu: *drowns in comments* Thank you very much! Jones will eventually ask Zoro how he can talk through his swords; it might take a while though, since stuff keeps happening and distracting her. Hmm... Worst? Understanding all my D &D references isn't a bad thing, not in my admittedly biased opinion. And yes, Zoro's unexpected wisdom. To be fair, he grew up in a traditional dojo, so I'm portraying him similarly to a couple black belts I know. He's still Zoro, but with occasional flashes of the Sensei he could've been.**

 **Taiski, Lightsbane1905, and Confused— and anyone else who didn't know how to react to the last chapter's levels of WTF: Yes, that was meant to be there. Just a little harmless fun between friends; don't worry about it if it wasn't your cup of tea. It's not canon, and has no effect on the overall story. In the words of Shakespeare, "If we shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended— that you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream." I'm sorry for the weirdness.**

 _Ripples flowed outwards from the center of the cup. The ground shook. I hid under a van, unable to run any further. Great talons dug into the earth not a meter from my nose, red-brown scales and ivory claws. Loud sniffing from above; it could smell me. I clung to my bandanna and hoped it wouldn't be strong enough to lift the vehicle._

… _Beep…_

 _A man in a tin suit stood on a platform above the room, towering above a small figure in a silver trench coat. I was off to one side, a small dog with no hope of helping with… whatever was going on. Trench Coat flung a fist out, silent as his arm stretched to smack Tin Suit in the face. The impact caused a storm of brilliant colours that swirled around us, red and blue and green. Bell-like laughter rang through the air as Trench Coat rushed over to pick me up, cuddling me like the puppy I was. "Shishishishishi!"_

… _Beep…_

X

It had been almost two weeks since we'd left Whiskey Peak, and no problems of any significance had come up. Sure, we learned that if Johnny and Yosaku were the ones to drop anchor, it was significantly more likely to become fouled and lift up, but that was easy enough to fix. All we had to do was keep them off that duty- and so, the story of how Zoro became the one in charge of all things involving the anchor was born.

The lack of danger hadn't been easy on my nerves though. I kept expecting something to go wrong, for the Mr Five team to show up. But they didn't. It was quiet- too quiet for the Grand Line. I found myself jumping at shadows and twitching at the slightest sound, but nothing came. This left me constantly bubbling with anxiety, full of endless nervous energy and unable to decide what to do with it. Nothing I tried got rid of the feeling.

At least Ruatha was sleeping through the night now, and his training was coming along well enough. And teaching Ghin to read- while a slow and confusing process- was finally starting to show some results.

The stiffness and pain from my broken tailbone was clearing up now, too. For several days after Whiskey Peak I'd barely been able to walk or climb; training or helping out in the rigging were right out. Not that I didn't _try_ , but it hadn't gone well. As in, fell-overboard-three-times, hobbled-into-five-tripwire-traps, kept-tumbling-down-ladders not well. Eventually Ghin had secured me to a rail with my own tape, which was just embarrassing.

It was early afternoon right now, and I was sitting on the deck, my back against the rail. I occasionally glanced up at the horizon in search of islands or approaching ships, but there was nothing. So most of my focus was on my training weights as I worked to crudely alter them. They'd been feeling a little light lately; meant it was time for an upgrade. I cut through stitches with my Swiss Army Knife, opening the tops of the little pouches that held the metal disks. One by one, I added bits of lead shot that I'd found in one of the crates we'd liberated from Whiskey Peak. Ostensibly it was supposed to be ammo for Ghin, but he never used his pistols; surely he wouldn't miss a few little bullets. The round shot made my weights lumpy and less comfortable once I'd sewn them closed again, but they increased the mass just the right amount.

I was almost done when something creaked beside me. Now, having glasses means my peripheral vision is, quite frankly, awful, so I had no idea what made the sound. Dropping what I was doing, I jumped to my feet and kicked whatever-it-was before turning to face it.

Johnny yelped and stumbled as my foot met his stomach, dropping the mug he'd been holding. It splashed hot cider all across the deck. I winced and bowed.

"Sorry!"

"Geez, Big Sis, what's got you so on edge?" The blue hunter clutched his chest, eyes wide enough that I could see them around the edges of his sunglasses.

"Nothing."

"Then why'd you kick me?"

I shook my head. "No, you don't get it. _Nothing is happening_ \- that's what's wrong. There's some people we didn't see cause we left Whiskey Peak so early, and that whole thing went way too easily anyway. It's making me paranoid as Hell- I can't tell if this is the calm before the storm, or if my writer just has nothing special planned." Sometimes knowing I was in a fanfiction was a real pain. I hated never knowing whether something was a plot device or authorial incompetence.

"Fire Star!" A shot of orange arched out of the crow's nest, aiming at something I couldn't see. An increasingly common occurrence, lately; Usopp had taken to firing pot-shots at random things as practice. It was followed seconds later by a squawk and a dark shape plummeting from the sky. A crispy gull landed on my face, shedding embers and reeking of burnt feathers. I shook it off in disgust.

"Hey! You did that on purpose!"

Usopp peered down from the crow's nest, his face morphing to a look of horror when he realized where his target had landed. "I did not!"

"Not you!" I picked a random direction where I figured the Fourth Wall probably was and flipped my writer the bird, tacking it onto a bras d'honneur for good measure. "My stupid-ass writer!"

Johnny stared at me. "Big Sis… What're you talking about?"

"It's- ah, never mind. It won't make sense anyway." Two deep breaths to calm down. Really though, that bird was uncalled for. Other me was just being a little shit at this point. I picked up the blackened bird and headed for the galley. "Sanji! Can you do anything with this? Usopp was using gulls as target practice again!"

"That better not be another news coo!" Nami stormed out of the galley with Sanji on her heels. The sailing master shook with barely concealed rage as she examined the fried carcass I was holding. Then she deflated. "Regular herring gull. That's okay then; we don't have to pay insurance fees on those."

Then it was Sanji's turn. He huffed at the sight of the dead bird. "Well, it's not as much of a shit show as last time. I can probably salvage something from that for soup or something." So saying, the chef relieved me of my burden and headed for the stove. Johnny scooped up his fallen mug and chased after the cook.

"Oi! Big Bro! Can I get some more cider? Big Sis Jones spilled it!"

"Spilled…?" Sanji paused, eye twitching. Spinning on the ball of one foot, the chef struck out at me with the other. A steel-toed dress shoe slammed into my ribs, sending me flying across the deck. "I don't care how jumpy you are- you don't waste food!"

"Oww…" Gasping for breath, I slammed into the mast and slid down to the base. Yosaku, who was sitting on a rail, put down his crochet project to slow clap.

"Wow, Big Sis. You managed to get Big Bro Sanji to hit you. I didn't think he _ever_ hit girls."

The cook huffed. "If Jones is gonna act like one of you shitheads, I'm gonna treat her like one. Simple as that. She makes it damn hard to consider her a lady with all the crap she pulls."

"I already told you, I didn't mean to blow up the toaster," I wheezed. "It just happened."

"It _just happened_ because you tried to stuff a whole bagel in it!"

"Hey- I _did_ cut it in half first. In my defense, toasters in my world have wider slots, and I _am_ vision-challenged." I sat up slowly and edged further along the deck, just in case Sanji decided to come after me. He didn't. Instead, the cook huffed again and disappeared into the galley with a dramatic flourish. Shuddering, I went back to what I'd been doing. Ruatha perched beside me and crooned sympathetically.

A few more minutes was all it took to finish altering my weights. Putting them back on was an adjustment; now I had knobbly bits of metal digging into my wrists and ankles, the fabric covering barely providing any protection. But they didn't seem to be harming my circulation at all, so it was fine. Even just standing, I could feel my balance and movement were off, just like when I first got them. I tucked my needle and thread into one of the pockets of my utility belt and began walking around, trying to get used to the extra weight.

Zoro opened one eye when my pacing brought me near his napping place. "I wish Johnny and Yosaku had half your work ethic. Especially Johnny."

"That's not fair." I made a face and swung my arms around a little, to test the difference in momentum. "They work plenty hard on… whatever it is they're hiding down in the bilge."

"Pretty sure it's just an excuse to avoid training some days," Zoro grunted. He closed his eye and went back to his nap- or whatever it was he did, since I didn't believe he slept _that_ much. He'd have to have been a cat… The only thing he spent nearly as much time on was working out.

Still swinging and testing, I hopped up on the rail beside Yosaku. Crochet wasn't something I'd ever learned, though I'd always meant to. It just took so much more _time_ than knitting, or so it always looked to me. "What're you making?"

"New winter stuff for Johnny. His last set got burned up a few months ago, when we were chasing a small-time arsonist; I don't know how seasons work on the Grand Line, but he'll probably need it eventually."

"Sooner than later, actually. There's an island of eternal winter coming up." I hooked my knees over the rail and leaned back over the edge of the _Merry_ , until my spine was flush with the outside of her hull. Yosaku shuddered.

"Big Sis, you shouldn't do things like that. You make people worried."

"Eh? It's fine. I won't fall." Well, knowing how fate liked to work, I would someday. But why let that worry get in the way of doing things I enjoyed? Besides, if I went overboard, Ghin's mom instincts would go off and he'd be in after me before you could say Quidditch.

As if to contrast my confidence, there was a sudden splash from the figurehead, followed by a brief period of bubbling and flailing. A second splash sounded as Zoro got up and jumped over the side, descending into the water before our hammer of a captain could be fully immersed. I sat up and prepared to run over, though there was nothing I could do to help. Yosaku stood and trotted to the bow, pulling a rope ladder from under a section of the rail and unrolling it down the hull. I looked at it with confusion- I couldn't remember seeing it there before.

"Did you and Johnny make that?"

"We made a bunch." Yosaku nodded as Zoro climbed back up, Luffy slung over one shoulder. "Johnny's been stashing them all over the place; makes retrieving Big Bro Luffy easier if he goes overboard while Big Bro Zoro's in the head."

"It makes things quicker for me too," Zoro grunted, depositing a sopping, giggling Luffy on the deck. The captain beamed; the bosun hit him over the head. "It'd be best if someone could _stop falling in_ though."

"But I saw a _huuuuuuge_ starfish!" Luffy stretched his arms wide to demonstrate the size of what he'd seen. "It was all spiky and orange and cool! I wanted to touch it, but I slipped when I reached down."

I rubbed my knuckles against my forehead. "And _this_ is why I don't fall in as often- I actually use my brain for something other than figuring out the best way to steal food."

Luffy made a face. "No thanks. Thinking too much hurts. I'll leave it to weirdos like you and Nami who actually like it."

"Thinking can be useful, you know. That's how I win my word fights, among other things."

"Yeah, but those are _your_ fights." Luffy picked his nose. "That's what _you_ do, just like Usopp's a sniper, or Nami navigates, or Sanji cooks. I can't do those things, and you can't do those things, just like they can't do our things. So I don't need to think, but it's okay cause I've got you guys. We all need each other." The captain's words were accompanied by a decisive nod.

Zoro, Yosaku, and I all sighed in unison. But Yosaku and I were smiling despite our exasperation, and Zoro smirked as he shook his head. Yosaku reached out to pat our captain on the shoulder. "Never change, Big Bro. Never change."

The _Going Merry_ rocked gently, wind whistling like laughter through her rigging. Luffy laughed along with her, bouncing to his feet and up onto the rail. At least this time he held onto a line with one hand, so he didn't immediately fall off again as he leaned out over the side. His other hand held his hat on as the wind tried to snatch it away.

"Don't plan to!" The captain took a deep breath. If this was a Disney movie, he would've started singing, something about freedom or adventure or exploration. As it was, his face split with a massive grin as he shouted to the sky. "I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!"

Mairead, who was just emerging from the galley, paused to rub her ears. "Shout a little louder next time, why don't you? I think there are some ghosts in the Florian Triangle who slept through that."

"Shishishishishi!" Luffy's only response was to grin even more broadly, his face stretching as far as only a rubber man could.

X

"LAND HO!" Usopp's shout brought everyone out on deck. Although most of us had been there already; it was a fine afternoon, warm and sunny, so there was no point being below decks. I looked up from my book, although it took some effort- not only was _Voyage of the Absinthe_ a fascinating read, but I'd had the brilliant idea to try and do so while practicing handstands, which made looking around difficult. Especially without falling over. Speaking of which…

Thud. Force-Force Fruit or no, tumbling over and landing on my stomach on the deck still knocked the wind out of me. Didn't hurt though, which made it doubly weird. Why was that? Was this like Nami's punches being able to hurt Luffy- a thing that existed because it might be funny? Because it wasn't funny. "Gak!"

Of course, no one but Usopp could see the island yet. That didn't stop Nami though; she didn't need to see it with her charts and calculations. Probably wouldn't have any sort of trouble that way until the New World- Paradise seemed to be fairly well-explored. "Okay everyone! If this map's accurate and current conditions hold, we'll be at Little Garden in three hours!"

"Little Garden?" Sanji mused as he lit a cigarette. "Odd name."

Nami shrugged and pulled out a battered book. _Brag Men_. Huh- odd title. I should borrow that once I'd finished reading my magic books. "I might have something that explains that, actually. Let's see…" The sailing master hummed as she flipped through pages. She addressed me as she looked. "I don't suppose _you_ know anything about this island, do you Jones?"

Judging by her tone, Nami's question was rhetorical. Not that I necessarily took it that way. I groaned, still getting my wind back. "Nu-uh. Or, well, I do, but I spent my childhood being used as a discount encyclopedia; I need to stop being one here. After all, things aren't sticking to what I know anyways." That said… "Sanji, do we have extra garlic and hot peppers I can use?"

Luffy practically _flew_ across the ship at my words, landing in front of the galley before the cook could answer. And for once, the rubber captain was trying to keep someone _out_ rather than sneak in to steal food. "No way! Jones isn't allowed to cook!"

Vivi, Jack, and Mairead looked on in confusion until Ghin took pity on them and explained. "At some point before Sanji, Johnny, Yosaku, and I joined, there was apparently an incident where Jones made something so gingery it could count as a lethal weapon. The Don's refused to let her do any serious cooking since before I met them."

The princess and the former Baroque Works agents looked both confused and horrified. Sanji bit hard on his cigarette, apparently uncertain as to whether he should even answer my question, let alone allow me to _do_ anything with garlic and hot peppers. I rolled my eyes. "It's not like I'm trying to _cook_. I need them for something else."

Sanji scowled. "What for? You know I won't let you waste ingredients on some shitty trick."

It was time to make a decision. Let Nami get sick in order to make sure we recruited Chopper? Or keep the kestia away and probably screw up our chance at meeting the doctor? I'm ashamed to say that if _those_ had been the only factors to consider, I might have risked it and let Nami get bitten. But there were other possibilities too- insect bites were so far beyond human control it was unbelievable. I didn't know how common the kestia were, where everyone might wander off to… And since I probably couldn't trust my story knowledge anymore, if Whiskey Peak was any indication…

"Bug repellent. There's a number of dangerous insects native to Little Garden that I'd rather we _not_ get bitten by." I'd have to find some other way of making sure Chopper and Drum were safe. Maybe if I called Sabo, the Revolutionaries would be able to do something? Although that still wouldn't get the doctor on our crew… Tabarnak… Well, I'd have a few days to think of something while we sailed. Maybe split up, some of the crew taking a small detour while the rest continued on to get things started in Alabasta? That might work…

"Dangerous?" Usopp's voice cracked as he swung down from the crow's nest to join the rest of us. "Umm, what kind of dangerous? Like, really big hornets or something?"

"More like ticks that transmit deadly bacteria. If you get bitten and infected, you have five days to get treated or you die."

The gunner paled. "Erk! Do we _have_ to go to this island? Cause I'm already sick- it's called Can't-make-landfall-here-itis."

"Oh, shut up and grow a backbone!" Nami threw her book at the sniper. It bounced off Usopp's head, falling open to a page with a picture of an Apatosaurus above a massive block of text. Picking it up- probably with the intention of throwing it back- the gunner froze.

"My Can't-make-landfall-here-itis just got worse." His voice was very small, barely audible.

Johnny placed a hand on Usopp's shoulder, making him jump. "What's wrong Big Bro?"

"Look at this!" The sniper shoved the book in the blue hunter's face. "Look what it says! Little Garden got its name cause it's so small compared to what lives there! It's full of _dinosaurs_!"

"Dino-?!" Johnny jumped into Yosaku's arms. The green hunter wasn't much better off, his jaw dropping to the deck.

"I agree with Big Bro Ussop- let's skip this one!"

"But we can't!" Nami reminded them, although she looked just as scared. "The log takes time to set. We can't just skip an island; we'll get lost! Although I suppose we could just stay on the ship until it sets- we _did_ pick up extra supplies in Whiskey Peak. Thank you for that, Ghin."

The former Krieg pirate nodded, although he didn't seem particularly happy or unhappy about the suggestion. Zoro and Sanji both looked slightly put out, but not too bad. They would be happier exploring than cooped up on the ship, but they would do what was best for the crew. And really, Nami's suggestion was logical. If people stayed on the ship, we wouldn't need bug repellent to avoid getting bitten by the kestia. But there was a big problem with that…

"BORING!" Luffy folded his arms and scowled. "We could be there for _hours_. I wanna explore, not sit around the ship!"

Zoro smirked. "Well, I guess at least some of us have to go then. Can't have Luffy wandering off on his own; what if he falls in the water?"

In a rare show of solidarity with the bosun, Sanji nodded as he snuffed out his latest cigarette. "And it might not be hours; we could be stuck on that shitty island for _days_. Better hunt and things while we're there, save the preserved stuff for while we're at sea. I bet dinosaurs have lots of meat on them."

"Yeah, the ones _I_ catch will." Zoro snorted. "You, on the other hand…"

"Shitty Moss-Head! I can bring in _twice_ the meat you can!" The cook stomped over until he was shouting right in Zoro's face. Unbothered, the swordsman shouted right back.

"As if! Crappy cooks like you should stay in the kitchen- you fight like a baby flamingo!"

"Well, you fight like a three-legged bull!"

WHACK! Ghin slapped both upside the head, forcing them to stop. In a display of unity rivalling what Johnny and Yosaku were capable of, Zoro and Sanji turned to glare at the former Krieg pirate. My honorary big brother figure scowled. "That's enough. Yes, you're both tough- get over yourselves. Besides, it's obvious who'd win any hunting contest anyway."

" _ **REALLY?**_ " Both cook and swordsman unleashed growls that would fell a lesser man. Their eyes glowed red. Ghin plowed on undeterred, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a smirk.

"Of course. After all, _I'm_ the most experienced."

"Wait…" Sanji's voice went cold. For a moment he seemed to deflate. "Are you saying you think _you_ could beat _us_ , _**old man?**_ "

Ghin's left eye twitched. " _What did you just call me?_ "

Pigs must be flying somewhere, because Zoro jumped in on _Sanji_ 's side. I looked around just in case this was the beginning of Ragnarok or something like that, but saw nothing. "You heard him. And what makes you think _you_ 'd win? I'm the only one who can butcher anything; don't see either of you carrying a knife." Oh good, not entirely on Sanji's side. The universe _wasn't_ about to implode.

Everyone's attention was focused on the three as they glared at each other; silence fell over the ship. I half expected the opening theme from _The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly_ to start playing. When it didn't, I started whistling it. Nobody reacted. The faceoff continued for several minutes before Ghin huffed.

"I shouldn't have to prove myself to you. This is the second crew I've served on, and I did well in the first; the world already knows I'm no pushover." His smirk morphed into a laser-like glare. "But if you're going to _mock_ me… At least be consistent about it. Half the time you think Jones and I are an item, and now you're calling me old? Make up your mind."

Zoro considered this for a moment, then shrugged. "You can be both. She may look and act young, but Jones is five years older than us, and you're a few years older than her, right? So you're both old."

Sanji snapped a kick sideways into the swordsman's ribs. "Oi! Don't call Jones old! She may act like the rest of you shitheads, but she'd still a woman!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Zoro launched a retaliatory slash. The epic standoff dissolved as the cook and the bosun began to brawl, with Ghin shaking his head on the sidelines. Although… the former Krieg pirate was fiddling with his tonfa and even his pistols in a way that made me think his part in this dispute was far from forgotten.

A whimper sounded from behind me. Half-turning, I spotted Jack trying to make himself inconspicuous behind a conveniently placed barrel. Not that hiding behind the barrel looked to be working very well for the flouncy former agent. I raised an eyebrow at him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Those three are a trio of monsters, Baby." He gestured at Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin.

"I'm nobody's Baby," I informed Jack with a frown. Then I considered the rest of his words. Trio of monsters… Odd wording, a little forced… Wait- the Monster Trio in this world was going to be Zoro, Sanji, and _Ghin_? What the Hell, other me?! Where does that leave Luffy?

Skirting around the brawl, I made my way to the galley. If Sanji was too distracted to answer my questions, I'd just have to get the peppers and garlic myself. Luffy followed me, making sure I really wasn't going to cook. I rolled my eyes as I gathered up the spices. Didn't say anything though. It wouldn't make him leave.

With Luffy watching in confusion, I started chopping peppers and garlic. The peppers went into boiling water to create a decoction, while I crushed the garlic into an oily mash. It took a while- even if some people were planning to stay on the ship, I should make enough insect repellent for everyone just in case. Luffy held his nose against the smell. I don't understand why; it was strong, but not unpleasant.

Eventually the captain got bored and wandered off. Not long after, Ruatha scurried in looking for me. The dragon climbed up onto my shoulder and crooned, burying his nose in my bandanna. I shook my head as I patted him. "If you don't like the smell, you should've stayed out on deck." Not that doing so would've saved him forever; I wasn't sure if kestia could affect dragons too, so he'd be getting his own dose of insect repellent just like everyone else.

"Niid!" The dragonet snorted and tried to squirm into the back of my shirt. Scales and claws scratched against my skin.

"Hey! You're too big for that!" Ruatha had always been a decent size, and he was growing quickly. Not quite three weeks old and he was three inches longer than he had been at birth. Apis had warned me, sure, but I hadn't been prepared for him to grow quite _this_ fast.

The peppers finished boiling; I allowed them to cool before I strained the decoction and mixed it with the garlic paste. It wasn't the best insect repellent I knew how to make, but it would have to do. I didn't have fleabane or hemlock, which would've made it better. When I emerged onto the deck with a large pot of my lovely creation, everyone covered their noses. I scowled. It didn't smell bad! Kind of like really strong Thai food, actually.

"Okay, once we get to Little Garden, anyone who leaves the ship needs to put some of this on first."

My announcement elicited an annoyed growl from Sanji. Despite how long making the insect repellent had taken me, he and Zoro had _just_ finished fighting. " _Jones_ … Did you just-?"

"It's not like it's going to waste if it protects us from being infected by a potentially deadly disease, right?" I plastered a flat smile on my face, the kind I used when teaching kids at karate, or when I had to present things to the class I TAed for. Sanji froze and cleared his throat.

"Ahm… Well, I guess not." I could see the pain it caused him to say those words. Sorry Sanji, I know what you've been through and why you hate wasting food. But no one on this ship would starve because of a lack of garlic and hot peppers.

The cook huffed and shook his head, then marched towards the galley I'd just exited. "I hope you at least cleaned up after yourself. And let me guess- all the shitheads who run off exploring are gonna want snacks to take with 'em. Who's going?"

Luffy's hand shot up first as the rubber captain bounced in place. Zoro and Ghin followed immediately, along with- to my surprise- Mairead. I was a little more hesitant, torn. On the one hand, I'd grown up watching the original _Land Before Time_ ; for the first eight years of my life I had an unhealthy obsession with dinosaurs before switching my fixation over to the world of fantasy. On the other hand, I was born four and a half months before _Jurassic Park_ came out, and I'd grown up watching that too. _Raptors_. Although the ones in the movie were more like Deinonychus than actual Velociraptors. I suppressed a shudder of fear as I raised a hand. Scared or not, I was doing this. Besides, if I played my cards right, I wouldn't be anywhere near _any_ raptors.

"And me makes six." Sanji was about to disappear into the galley when a soft voice spoke up.

"Eight." Vivi smiled at the cook from where she was grooming her duck. "Carue and I would like to have a look around as well, if that's alright."

"Quack!" The duck shook his head violently. It didn't look like this was alright with him. "Quack, quack, quack!"

His panic was ignored by Sanji, who spun around and bowed with hearts in his eyes. "Of course, Vivi dear! Far be it from us to keep anyone from exploring to their heart's content. I'll make sure to prepare something extra special for you, your highness!"

Then Zoro let out a sort of laughter. "Neither of you can count. It's _nine_."

" _WHAT?_ " Chef and princess glared at him in unison. The bosun shrugged and waved a hand in my direction.

"Do you seriously think Jones could go _anywhere_ on her own? Ruatha needs something too; he's too little to hunt." Zoro smirked. "That might change soon though. Looks like he's growing pretty fast."

At first I was surprised that _Zoro_ of all people would be the one to remember my baby. Especially since even _I_ hadn't picked up on Sanji's mistake- possibly because I was so used to the dragon trying to steal my food anyway. Then again, Zoro always _was_ portrayed as surprisingly good with kids and animals. Ruatha scrambled away from me to run and lick the bosun's face.

"Nox! Nox!"

"Ergh, that's gross. Get off." Zoro pushed the dragonet away. Ruatha scowled and hissed as he made his way back to my side. I grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry. I haven't got him fully trained yet."

X

The air was hot and thick as we got close to the island. It was hard to breathe, at least for me; the humidity was unbelievable. My ponytail frizzed out like a feather duster while my lungs struggled with air like pea soup. And the heat… Heat like that was something I'd only ever known on the absolute worst days of summer growing up. It made a northerner like me sluggish and lazy. The combination felt like more than forty degrees, far too much to be comfortable doing anything. If I'd been male, I'd have taken off my shirt for a little relief; as it was, I gathered it up in an awkward knot on the side of my ribcage, leaving most of my abdomen exposed. I also rolled up my pants and sleeves as high as I could, safety pinning them in place. None of this helped much.

We sailed a little ways into the mouth of a river. The water looked so cool… If only I could still swim. Although it might not be safe, even if I could. Who knew what kind of weird bacteria and leeches and things could be living in a prehistoric waterway?

A screeching noise sounded overhead as Zoro dropped the anchor. It made the whole crew jump, with Johnny leaping into Yosaku's arms, and Usopp bolting for the cover of the galley. Seconds later, a shadow passed over the deck, winged and absolutely _massive_. Six meters was a lot larger when it flew over your head than when you read about it in a book. Pteranadon. The sight of a larger winged lizard sent Ruatha scrambling up onto my head to chatter and snarl. His little baby attempts at roaring were adorable.

"Sha! Sha! Shara! Shur hond!" Of course, it would've been even more adorable if he hadn't had his little clawed feet in my face and his tail wrapping around my neck for balance.

"GAK!" I pried my baby off my head and put him on my shoulders where he belonged. "Calm down bud! It's not coming after you. And it's not taking your place either, if that's what you're worried about."

It took five minutes of petting while Sanji handed out snacks to calm the baby dragon. The cook shot Luffy a significant look as he handed the captain his lunchbox. "You better not eat this before getting out of sight of the ship, shithead. I won't make you another until I get back from hunting."

"Aww… Fine." The rubber boy pouted as he tucked the lunchbox into his shirt. Which… I had no idea how it stayed there, or why it didn't show a box-shaped lump under the red fabric. And how did that-? No. Not going to question it. Not his time.

…Who am I kidding? A day may come when my curiosity fails, when I become so inured against the wackiness of this world that no hammerspace or Devil Fruit or wacked-out biology could phase me- but it is not this day. How on Earth- or whatever planet I was currently on- did Luffy's vest storage work?

…At least he wasn't keeping his snacks in his shorts.

Nami stared at those of us on the away team as we smeared ourselves with insect repellent. "You… You idiots are _really_ going out there. Are you _at least_ going to stick together?"

Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin all shot her flat looks. The bosun and former Krieg pirate spoke in growling unison. " _Not in the least. If I stick with them, how can I win the hunting contest?_ "

"Wait- you're _actually_ going through with that?" The sailing master's jaw dropped.

" _Yes!_ "

Sanji said nothing, probably because he was too busy gushing incoherently. Something about Nami being worried about him? I couldn't understand what the cook was saying over the sound of him dancing like a noodle while his blood pressure soared enough to make his heartbeat audible. Oh, Chopper was going to have his work cut out for him with that one.

The three competitors took off before Nami could hit them over the head. Luffy beamed as the sailing master sputtered. "Don't worry Nami! I'm not dumb like Zoro- I know Vivi can't go alone. She can come with me!"

Since Vivi didn't know what sort of thing that might entail, she and Carue actually looked relieved when the captain said that. Johnny winced in her stead, knowing what was coming up. Nami stormed across the deck towards the captain, waving a fist menacingly. "Luffy, if you even _think_ about using Gum-Gum Rocket on the princess-!"

Her words were interrupted by a series of rubbery snaps. One stretchy arm wrapped around Vivi and Carue, bringing them tight to Luffy's side, while the other reached out to grab the branch of a towering tree. "Gum-Gum Rocket!"

Amazingly, Vivi didn't scream as Luffy shot them into the forest. Carue did though. There were even tears streaming out of the duck's eyes. "Qua-waaaaaaaaaaaaack!"

That left me and Mairead. The salmon-haired woman looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. "So… Together or apart?"

 _Don't you know you never split the party/Clerics in the back to keep those fighters hale and hearty/The wizard in the middle, where he can shed some light/And you never let that damn thief out of sight..._ Common sense said to stick with Mairead. After all, there were dinosaurs here, and she could almost match Zoro for strength- an invaluable person to have on my side if something went wrong. And for once in my life I was about to listen to my common sense too- mostly because it corresponded with my gamer sense, but still. It counts. But before I could answer, I saw something in the trees. Blue and white stripes? Was that-?

I vaulted over the rail with out thinking, landing knee-deep in water. That resulted in a staggered landing as a wash of weakness raced through my muscles. My body went limp; I fell forwards onto my hands and knees. Ruatha crooned and scrambled off my shoulders to stand in front of my, butting his head against my face. I couldn't stand; it was all I could do to crawl towards the shore.

Splash! A few seconds later, a large hand grabbed me by the back of my bandoliers and picked me up like some kind of oversized purse. Mairead slogged through the river and deposited me on shore, folding her arms and staring down at me. "I'm starting to see why Ghin thinks you need looking after. If I hadn't spent the last two weeks watching your captain hang upside down from the figurehead, I'd call that the most reckless thing I'd ever seen a fruit user do."

"I thought I saw something." My strength slowly came back. It was about thirty seconds before I could stand, another minute before I felt up for walking any distance.

"What kind of something?" Mairead's eyes narrowed.

"Striped blue and white fabric. Since there's not exactly a lot of people on this island, I thought it might be Mr Three or something."

Her jaw dropped. "The Mr Three pair is here?! And you wanted to _go after_ him?"

"Well, running off and meddling is sort of my thing, so…" I shrugged. "Besides, it's not like Baroque Works knows about us. Or, well, me. If he saw you, he might have some questions."

Mairead grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking me, which earned her an angry-but-not-very-threatening growl from Ruatha. "Are you insane? Mr Three's team is an _assassination_ team! If they're here, it's for a mission that can have no witnesses! Did you have a _plan_ to go along with your meddling?"

Um… "No, not really." Sometimes I come up with things well in advance, and then other times I just sort of make things up as I go. I'm very inconsistent that way. Drives some people crazy.

"Well, let's get something straight." Mairead folded her arms and scowled. "If you go up against Mr Three without a plan, we're all dead. He's not much of a fighter, but he never needs to fight; he's one of the smartest people I've ever met. He will _kill you_ if he gets the chance."

Since Mairead and I hadn't really done much together since she boarded the _Going Merry_ , her concern was as confusing as it was touching. "…Did Ghin ask you to look after me while he, Zoro, and Sanji had their dick-measuring contest?"

The former Baroque Works agent made a face. "Tch. Fine, you figured it out. But it's not just that; like I said, if you go against Mr Three without a plan, we're _all_ dead. Why don't you just go find some nice, small, not-dangerous dinosaur to play with? Isn't that the sort of thing kids like you do?"

Seriously? _Seriously?_ "Kid? I know I look younger than I am, but _really_? What age do you think I am?"

"Sixteen."

Oh, for the _love_ of… "I'm twenty-four!"

Mairead's jaw dropped; she recovered in short order though. "Then _act_ like it. Your crew seems to think you're pretty smart; you should be able to tell when someone's out of your league. Mr Three's almost twice your age, with decades more experience; what made you think a person like _you_ would have a chance against a _master assassin_?"

I wanted to snap and shout. Mairead didn't know me, didn't know what I could do. And while she could very well be right- probably was- I _hated_ it. Hate being told what to do, where to go, what to say… She was acting like my _mother_. And as much as I wanted to argue, I couldn't. Because while Mairead was scowling down at me, all I could see was my mother, who I couldn't fight against, could never talk back to. Of all the authority figures to ever give me anxiety, my mother was at the top of the list. Cold shivers ran up and down my spine; white nibbled at the edges of my vision.

My mouth moved like a fish as I tried to get words out. Nothing. I had to focus on my breathing so I didn't start to hyperventilate. As much as I wanted to answer, I had nothing. A full five minutes passed. When my voice finally came out, it was very small. "I- I don't know."

"Then _why_ would you run off like that?"

"I don't know…" It was like being slowly crushed. Tears stung at my eyes, though I refused to let them fall. Mustn't let anyone see me being weak… I shrank into the underbrush, trying to disappear. Mairead's disapproving scowl _hurt_. I needed to get away; before she could speak again, I bolted off into the trees. Ruatha scrambled along behind me, chirping worriedly.

"What? Wait! Jones, come back! We have to warn the others!" I didn't listen when the former Baroque Works agent called for me. She made to chase me, crashing through the undergrowth for a few hundred meters. But strong as she was, Mairead wasn't as fast as me, nor was she as used to maneuvering over this sort of terrain. Plus she was much larger than me; I could fit through small gaps and disappear into the brush.

The heat and clinging humidity made me tire quickly. I stumbled to a stop against a massive ginkgo, my shirt plastered to my shoulder blades. Ruatha cooed as he caught up, clambering to my shoulders and nuzzling my face. I stroked him, trembling. What was _wrong_ with me? I'd been getting better at this talking thing; was a similarity to my mother _really_ bad enough to give me a panic attack?

Yes. Shit.

"Some brave pirate. Can't even stand up to a single woman." I slid down until I was sitting curled up in a ball at the base of the tree. Splaying my hand against the bark, I flipped out my Swiss Army Knife. Distraction; I needed a distraction. "Oh, I have all my fingers, the knife goes chop, chop, chop! If I miss the spaces in between, my fingers will come off! Oh, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, I'm picking up the speed! And if I hit my fingers, then my hand will start to bleed!"

No, Five-Finger Fillet as a coping mechanism is not something I would suggest for most people. For me, it helped. Concentrating on the speed, the rhythm, and the knife so I didn't hit myself pushed everything else aside; it halted fear, and made the whiteness and shivers go away. I went a little too fast at the end though, nicking the side of my thumb. It stung, startling me into letting out a hiss, but didn't bleed much. Ruatha cooed.

"Don't worry bud, it's fine." I closed my knife and stood up. Only then did I realize that we were lost. I had no idea where we were, how to get back to the river… And while I could see the tops of a couple volcanoes towering above the trees, I had no idea which one was which in order to find Dorry and Broggy's battlefield. I tried to find the trail I'd made coming here, but I'd been trying to hide from Mairead as I moved; there weren't enough signs for me to be confident in my direction.

Well, this was an island; if I picked a random direction and walked, I would eventually get to the shore and could walk around until I found the mouth of the river. Closing my knife, I headed out in a general… let's call it easterly direction. Hard to tell exactly on an island where compasses don't work. Ruatha wrapped his tail around my arm as I moved.

After a few minutes of walking, we came to a more open part of the forest. The undergrowth in that section was matted down, as if crushed by a bulldozer. Underneath, the ground was uneven and pitted with broad, shallow holes. It shook too, trembling just enough to throw off my balance. I was instantly on the alert, hiding behind a tree while I looked around for predators. This shaking reminded me _far_ too much of the cup scene in _Jurassic Park_. My heart pounded; I bit my lip.

Then my tree moved.

What had appeared to be a thick trunk with smooth grey-brown bark was a leg. A couple meters over my head, a barrel-like body brushed through leaves and branches. Except this barrel weighed twenty tonnes, with a long tail neck rising from one end and an even longer tail trailing off the other. I stood, frozen, as the Apatosaurus ambled away from me to munch on a fresh tree. Each of its footsteps caused the ground to shake a little more.

My mouth fell open. I rotated slowly in place, taking a closer look at my surroundings. The cleared area… Now that I was paying attention, I could see a dozen Apatosaurus trundling between the trees, their grey-brown hide blotched with green and gold to camouflage them. Not that they needed it; despite knowing of the existence of carnivorous dinosaurs, I couldn't imagine anything ever threatening those towering titans. Unable to stop myself, I followed the first Apatosaurus to its new tree, resting my hand reverently on its leg. It didn't react.

The dinosaur's skin was leathery and pebbled at the same time, as if someone had crossed an elephant and a football. It was warm too; not as warm as a mammal, but much warmer than any reptile I'd ever touched- even big ones like alligators. The only similar feeling I could remember was Ruatha. Under his feathery scales, the dragon had the same curious feeling of not-quite-warmth.

Something large nudged my back as I stood there stroking the Apatosaurus. I jumped in surprise and spun around, ready for a fight. Instead, I found myself staring into three sets of dark green eyes. Baby Apatosaurus… Although they were only babies in that they were of a size that seemed reasonable to me, rather than the titanic size of the adults. They were as large as Clydesdales, although with longer necks and smaller heads. My sudden movement startled them; they pulled back and froze, eyes wide.

"Buru?"

"Sorry. It's okay; I didn't mean to scare you." I held out my hand, as if I was introducing myself to a strange dog. The babies ignored it. So they weren't scent-oriented creatures then. After a few moments, one brave Apatosaurus stretched out and started nibbling at the end of my ponytail. Ruatha growled, but the dinosaurs ignored him in favour of investigating my hair. Soon all three of them were crowding closer, nosing and rumbling.

A tremendous explosion shook the air, making me jump. The volcano that signalled the duel. But while _my_ heart leapt into my mouth at the noise, the dinosaurs were unaffected. They must be used to it. Even through my brief panic, the baby Apatosaurus kept up their examination.

At first I was surprised that the dinosaurs didn't have any fear of humans. They were a lot bigger than anything I was used to, true, but even moose were afraid of people, and they could derail trains with their heads. But these dinosaurs had never seen humans before, had they? Or at least not in any significant numbers, and probably not any that were hostile. Since I hadn't attacked them on turning around, the Apatosaurus babies decided I was harmless. They were curious, not afraid.

One of them stayed after my ponytail, while the second nibbled the edge of my hat, and the third shoved its head into my chest. I braced myself to keep from being knocked over. Patting the three of them, I began to wonder how far they would let me take this. None of them batted an eye when I moved in between them, although they twisted their necks to follow me. Placing my hands on one's shoulders got no reaction, even when I pressed down. Similarly, jumping up and down only got curious looks.

A thrill of fear ran through me. Before my dread- or common sense, or whatever- could make me freeze, I jumped and planted a foot on an Apatosaurus leg. Just like mounting a wall at parkour; I tacked up, placing my hands on broad shoulders and heaving myself up onto a rounded back. The dinosaur took a surprised step back, but the jerking motion came too late to keep me from getting on. I swung a leg over so I was sitting on the baby Apatosaurus like you would ride a horse.

Not that I've ever been much of a rider. I mean, I'd done a couple trail rides with my family at tourist places when we were travelling, but about the best thing that could be said about my horsemanship was that I'd never fallen off while the horse was walking. I'd never ridden at any pace other than a walk, never jumped, could barely even steer. Of course, with the lack of reins in this situation, that wasn't likely to come up. With nothing else to hold onto, I gently wrapped my arms around the base of a long neck.

None of the babies moved for a moment; I'd startled them. But when I didn't do anything besides sit there, they quickly regained their confidence. One even licked the tip of Ruatha's tail, which prompted an indignant chirp from the dragon. He didn't attack though, which was nice. Probably thought the dinosaurs were other dragons or something.

"Buru? Buru." The babies began to walk in circles, slowly at first as they tried to see what I would do next, then faster and faster. I held on tighter as the walking turned into a playful romp- still gentle and rolling, but picking up speed quickly.

After a few minutes, they stopped trotting in little circles and began cantering around the edge of the cleared area. My heart jumped into my throat, pounding like there was no tomorrow. I clung tighter on reflex, bouncing along on my mount's back. Painfully. My not-quite-healed tailbone sang in protest. But even if it hurt, I couldn't let go, couldn't let myself fall. Being trampled by cantering dinosaurs would hurt a lot more.

If I was physically capable of screaming, I would have. But my voice doesn't go that high, so what came out was more of a shocked yell. "Uaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Buru! Buru!" The Apatosaurus I was riding let out a pleased trumpet as it charged along with its friends. I'd like to assign a better pronoun to my joyful-yet-terrifying mount, but I had no idea how to tell dinosaur genders.

Once I'd managed to go a couple laps of the Apatosaurus clearing without falling off, the terror began to recede. Sure, I was still in pain and had no control, but I was starting to get my usual confidence back- the little voice in the back of my head that always assures me I can do things, even if some of them make people question my sanity. And now that _that_ was back? Riding a baby dinosaur was _awesome_. Fun, fun, fun, fun, _fun_! Luckily for me, Apatosaurus can't jump any more than an elephant can. The cantering was unstable enough.

"Sesehihihihihi!"

"Buru! Buru!"

"Sha! Shara!" Even Ruatha was getting into it, his little baby roars echoing in my ears.

I slowly removed one arm from the Apatosaurus' neck to reach up and grab my hat. Once I was sure I wasn't about to fall off, I waved the headgear around like a cowboy in a cheesy comedy Western. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW!"

That was a little too far to take my bad idea. A playful buck from my mount sent me tumbling sideways and backwards. I replaced my hat and scrabbled to regain my hold, but it was too late. Tabarnak. As I realized I couldn't get a grip, I went the opposite direction instead- literally, as in kicking away from the dinosaur as hard as I could. Because the last thing I wanted was that trampling thing that was suddenly back on the table.

Flying through the air, I think I left my stomach behind. Or maybe it abandoned the rest of me when I noticed I was on a collision course with a tree. Merde. I yanked Ruatha off my shoulder and tucked him against my chest, tucking into a ball and starting to roll. Wood slammed into my back as I slammed into the tree upside down. I slid down to the ground, my eyes spinning. "Owww…"

Well, at least I had a charge of force if I needed to fight something. Or someone.

I staggered to my feet, dizzy, and replaced Ruatha on my shoulder. "You alright bud?"

"Tiid-bo…" My dragonet shook his head; his eyes were spinning even more than mine. He wrapped his tail around my arm and hid his face under his wing.

Okay, okay, enough fooling around. As much fun as dinosaurs were, I should get back to somewhere I could be involved in actual plot. Or at the very least, back to the _Going Merry_. So I resumed my plan of walking in a random direction until I got to either the shore or a notable landmark. The undergrowth closed in about me as I moved further away from the Apatosaurus clearing, shrouding me in shadow. Hot, overly humid, _sticky_ shadow.

…This climate was making me really, _really_ want to visit Drum Kingdom.

After mistaking an Apatosaurus leg for a tree, I tried to keep a better eye on my surroundings. This led to a lot of distractions, however, as I was walking through a prehistoric jungle. So many plants I'd never seen before except as fossils and pictures- what did each one do? Were any edible? Medicinal? Poisonous? I wanted to collect samples for testing, but none of them seemed to be seeding. That, or I had no idea what to look for in terms of their seeds. Equally possible.

It was beautiful. I could practically hear the opening theme from _Jurassic Park_ even without any dinosaurs in view. Of course, as soon as I noticed that, I drew a sai with my left hand. Not that it would do much good against, say, T-Rex, but if a velociraptor or two came after me, it might help. I mean, they were two meters long, but most of that was tail. They only weighed as much as an adult corgi. Yes, they had wicked claws, but those claws were still only about the size of my finger. I could hold my own against something that small.

Now, if a three-point-four-meter-long, heavy-as-an-adult-man Deinonychus appeared out of nowhere and started swinging _its_ terrible claws everywhere, _then_ I would be scared.

The ground started to shake again, although with a different rhythm than at the Apatosaurus clearing. This time I took care to check that the plant I used for shelter was actually a _plant_ , rather than a large leg. Easy enough to accomplish; just pick one of the gigantic ferns. I turned slowly as I walked, checking in every direction as I backed through the mess of angular leaves.

Nothing.

I backed into a tree trunk with a soft thump. What made the noise this time? A different variety of sauropod? A Stegosaurus? T-Rex? Should I run? Stay still and hope whatever it was didn't notice me? My heart was pounding in my chest again. Tabarnak, at least if it had been a modern animal, I'd know what to do! But no, I was a biologist, not an archaeologist. All I knew about dinosaur behaviour was half-remembered- and probably inaccurate- fragments from when I was a little kid.

…Wait… There wasn't a tree sticking out of this clump of ferns.

Something _breathed_ on my head; my whole body went stiff. I looked up slowly, torn between terror and my need to know what was there. A beaked snout entered my line of sight, nearly filling my vision. It was topped by a conical horn, with two more perched above golden eyes higher up on the face. The massive construction was balanced out by a huge bony frill, reddish brown against the otherwise dull green hide. Oh, Triceratops. That wasn't so bad.

Sagging with relief, I patted the huge herbivore's leg. It was rougher than the Apatosaurus, almost scaly. "Maudit. You scared me. I thought you were a T-Rex or something."

"Ffff." The horned dinosaur snorted on my head again. One massive forefoot pawed at the ground beside me. Its eyes were fixed on my- oh no. Just to make sure I wasn't imagining things, I backed away slowly, moving from side to side as I did so. Tabarnak, I was right. Full, unblinking, Triceratops-to-bandanna eye contact. Could dinosaurs even see in colour?

The sensible thing to do in this situation- yes, I do sometimes know what that is- was _not_ to run. I had no idea if I could outrun a Triceratops, how fast they were, but it was very unlikely. Still moving very slowly, I reached up and undid my bandanna, shoving the red fabric into a pocket. As soon as it was out of sight, the dinosaur relaxed. I reached out to pat its beaked snout.

"There, there. It's just me, see? Tiny, little, non-threatening me." I had no idea what twist of evolution made Triceratops react to red, and I didn't care. All that mattered here was that it wasn't charging me. "I'm just gonna walk away now, nice and slow. You never need to see me again."

So saying, I backed slowly off into the undergrowth. I might've gotten away with it too, had I not realized something about my outfit at the same moment Triceratops did. _My bandanna wasn't the only red I wore._ There were small splashes of the colour on my sneakers, and the ribbon of my hat. This displeased the mighty horned beast.

"Osti d'épais de marde!" I launched myself out of the way with a blast of force as Triceratops lunged forwards. Ruatha keened in fear. Scrambling off into the undergrowth, I searched for somewhere to hide. Preferably a small cave, or a camp belonging to one of the giants. Unfortunately, Triceratops runs a lot faster than a human. I was about two seconds into my flight when a tree came down behind me, courtesy of the horned behemoth turning to chase me down.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" There were not enough cuss words in English, French, or the tongues of geeks to express what I was feeling as dinosaur breath puffed against my neck. Although… Admittedly, I'd never learned to curse in Klingon, so I could be wrong.

…Focus!

I kicked off the ground, launching myself with force again- straight up, this time. And just in time too; the Triceratops passed so close beneath me, I nearly left a footprint on its back. Rather than letting myself fall, I grabbed a nearby tree branch as I reached the peak of my jump. My horned friend didn't look up, continuing its charge off into the bush. I sighed in relief as I hauled myself awkwardly up onto the branch.

"Ruatha? How're you holding up?"

A single blue eye peeked out from the protective cover of the dragon's wings. "Ruh roo."

"Sorry bud. It's not like I'm trying to get us run over." I wrapped my legs around the branch for security and pulled out Samsung. "Here- why don't we take a break from trying to find the others and call Sabo?"

"Dah!"

The chief-of-staff of the Revolutionary Army picked up his snail on the second ring. "Jones? Is Luffy alright?"

"How'd you-?"

"You're the only person with this number so far." Oh, the smugness _oozed_ out of Sabo's voice and Samsung's expression. Luffy's brother _loved_ being able to parrot my own line back at me. "Now answer- is Luffy alright?"

"Yeah, the captain's doing great. That's not what I called to talk to you about. How quickly could the Revolutionary Army have a detachment at Drum Kingdom? Less than a week?"

Samsung frowned as Sabo considered my words. "Maybe, but it'd be tight. Why?"

"Somewhere between four and eight days from now- not exactly sure on the timing- King Wapol is gonna invade and try to kill the last doctor on the island. I don't know if we'll be there to stop him or not, so I figured I should try to call in some backup."

A moment of silence followed. Then… "Isn't Wapol the king _of_ Drum Kingdom? How can he invade it?"

"He ran away a little while ago when pirates attacked, taking all the royal doctors with him. The civilians have done fine rebuilding without him and prefer him gone, but he's on his way back. That last doctor I mentioned has moved into the castle in order to gain a more central location and more room for treatments and experiments; he'll try to kill her to get it back." Not that I was actually sure Wapol _could_ kill Kureha, but he'd try. And there was a good chance he'd do something to Chopper as well.

"That's- that's very useful information. I'll pass it on to our nearest cell; they'll do their best to get there in time. I don't suppose you'll share where you got that intelligence?"

"Nope. Not outside the crew."

"Pity." His tone of voice suggested he would keep asking every time I called. Stubborn as a D… Well, they did raise him. "Is there anything else?"

"Not at the moment, no. Tell Dragon I'll try to keep you posted. For now, I need to get back to figuring out where everyone else is before that Triceratops learns to look up. Later!" Ka-clik!

My hanging up cut off the beginning of some sort of noise of protest. Well, to be fair, so far every time Sabo and I spoke, the end result was me hanging up quickly with little to no explanation. It was probably getting annoying. I slipped Samsung back into its home pocket, before freezing and slamming a hand into my face. Merde. Had I really just offered myself as an informant to the Revolutionary Army?

Yes, I think I had. And Dragon was a hundred percent guaranteed to take me up on that offer- in part because he wanted what I knew, and in part to make sure I didn't betray any of the secrets I knew to the marines. Oh well, I'd deal with the consequences when they came up.

Below me, the Triceratops was still snuffling around. My leap had confused it, but it still seemed to think I was in the area. And it had friends coming; soon there was a whole herd of horned dinosaurs milling about beneath me, grazing, fighting each other, and generally making a mess. I had _zero_ interest in going back to ground level with that going on. So I climbed slowly from branch to branch, moving from tree to tree. Ruatha held on tight and kept quiet as I moved.

I'd never tried something quite like this before, clambering through a jungle canopy. It wasn't much worse than climbing a tree normally though. And no, I didn't try swinging on a vine, nor did I attempt any tricks from Disney's _Tarzan_. I wanted to, but now was not the time to be screwing around with stuff like that. Falling into the herd of Triceratops would _not_ be fun. But even going slow and carefully, it didn't take me long to get away from the horned beasts, thank the gods.

It was actually nicer up in the canopy than on the forest floor. Even if it was still hot and humid, there was a breeze up there. So even once I was well away from the Triceratops herd, I continued through the treetops to take advantage of that minor respite. At least, until my hand closed over a branch that wasn't as wooden as it looked. Scaly flesh bowed and shifted as I transferred my weight; the previously horizontal cylinder flopped vertical.

Snake. _Of course_.

"Sheeeeeeee! Draa _fus_!"

Ruatha's shriek of surprise hurt my ears. Overbalanced, I fell out of the tree as my hand slid off the snake's tail. My dragon buried his face in my neck, wrapping his tail around my arm tight enough to bruise. As I fell, I left my stomach behind. There were a few seconds of wind rushing past my face, my eyes watering. Then I crashed into the ground. If it had been water, my descent would have been labelled a glorious belly-flop; as it was, I got my wind knocked out of me and a decent charge of force.

"Oww…" I stood with a groan. "Ta-!"

"Sh!" A hiss cut me off. I froze and spun around. Behind me, a lumpy, white building rose out of the forest floor. Wax as hard as steel, shaped roughly like a short, dumpy candle. _Tabarnak_. Mr Three's base of operations. Crouching under a window was Sanji; he was the one who'd hissed at me.

Falling to my hands and knees, I crawled over to the cook. "What's going on?" I whispered. Sanji tilted his head up towards the window.

"There's someone in there. I'm trying to figure out if the shitty bastard's dangerous or not. And you were in the sky… why? How?"

"Running from a bunch of dinosaurs who're hardwired to attack the colour red." I winced. "Better not ask about the details."

Nodding, Sanji held a finger to his lips. I clamped my hand over Ruatha's snout to make sure the dragonet stayed quiet. Just in time, too- my baby was about to start chattering right as a head popped out the window above us. Mr Three looked around for a moment- probably attracted by the noise of me falling- before going back inside. For a smart person, though, he was pretty stupid. I mean, what sort of master assassin doesn't look down?

Seconds later, voices came from inside the hut. First was- _Crocodile_? Wait- the phone call had already started? Ah, screw it. Whatever was going on here was clearly nothing like I remembered at this point. The butterfly migration had well and truly begun.

"What was that?"

"Nothing sir. Just some dinosaurs charging around, as usual. Back to business. Your orders, sir?"

"Just kill them too. If they're the pirates who killed the princess, we have no idea what they know or who they might sell the information to. And if they're not… No one will miss one crew of juvenile ruffians."

"Of course sir. My thoughts exactly."

"Just make sure you finish soon; the final phase starts a month from next Thursday, and I won't have you coming in late again. I don't trust anyone else with that insane gadget you invented."

"I-indeed sir. I promise we'll be on time."

"Just to make sure, I'm sending the Unluckies by with an Eternal Pose- no using getting lost as an excuse _again_."

"You have my word, sir." I could _hear_ Mr Three wincing.

"See that you keep it. Otherwise…" Crocodile left the threat hanging- which I personally found far more ominous than if he'd spelled out details.

There was a quiet click as Mr Three hung up. Then he paused, before apparently turning to Miss Goldenweek. "So… We have an unknown number of pirates with unknown abilities running amok on the island. We don't know if they have any plans, if they intend to interfere with our assassination of the giants, if they even know we're here… How shall we destroy them?"

"Is that really something appropriate to talk about over tea?" Even without seeing Miss Goldenweek, I could tell she was pouting. She had a very expressive voice.

"Of course. What else would we discuss?"

"I dunno… I could show you the painting I finished yesterday?"

Mr Three sighed. "Why must you waste so much of your time with that? If you weren't so lazy, we could have taken out those giants weeks ago. Instead, I've had to do all the set up myself while you were occupied with your stupid art."

"Just because _my_ art doesn't kill people doesn't make it stupid. And you _know_ my Colour Traps don't last long; I _can't_ do my setup until the last minute."

"I suppose you're right; still, I wish you wouldn't use that as an excuse to sit around all day. Come; we need to gather information on these pirates so we can better dismember them."

"Fine." China clinked as teacups were placed on the table. Footsteps; a few seconds later, the front door of the building opened and closed. I couldn't see the Baroque Works agents as they walked away, but I could hear their footsteps crunching through the brush from a long ways off.

Sanji huffed as he said what I was thinking. "City assassins. Don't know how to sneak in a forest."

"Do you think that'll make a difference?" I released Ruatha once I was sure Mr Three and Miss Goldenweek were out of earshot. The cook shrugged.

"Maybe; maybe not. Depends how much the other shitheads are paying attention."

Well, given what I knew of Mr Three's powers and strategies… "They're gonna get all the intel they want then. _Merde_. Well, at least we can win once it turns into a fire fight."

" _If_ it turns into a fire fight," Sanji reminded me. I shot him a flat look, not bothering with a response. We were the Straw Hats; _everything_ eventually devolved into a fire fight. I doubted any number of butterflies would ever change that.

The cook rolled his eyes, catching the meaning behind my expression. "Yeah, yeah, I know. With the shitty captain and the shitty moss ball around, someone's gonna get their face punched in at some point. But if there's even the _smallest_ chance that these shitheads can get around _our_ shitheads… With dear Nami still back on the ship, you and I are the only ones with any interest or ability in counter-espionage."

"There's Vivi and Carue- and maybe Mairead."

One spiral eyebrow rose. "Of course the lovely princess could do it- if she knew about them, and was on her own. But she's with Luffy. I'd like to see _anyone_ pull off _any_ level of espionage with _him_ involved."

"You say that now, but he might surprise you."

"If Luffy ever pulls off a decent stealth op, I'll kiss Moss-Head." Sanji lit a cigarette as we rose and moved around to the front of the building.

"Saying things like that only encourages Murphy." I took my hat off and ran a hand through my hair. Maudit, what should we do? Try to warn everyone? Follow the Baroque Works agents- and if so, how far should we take it? Just surveillance? Sabotage? Ambush?

I broke out of my thoughts when I realized Sanji was no longer beside me. He was instead rifling about inside the candle-base, picking through documents and drawers. Not that he was finding much of use, if his growling and chewing on his cigarette was any indication. The cook snorted as he threw down a sheaf of papers. "Nothing we can use; it's all shitty artwork."

"You know those paintings and sketches were done by a twelve-year-old girl, right?" I came over to leaf through the papers myself. The artwork wasn't shitty in the least; in fact, it was some of the best I'd ever seen. Only to be expected from someone who used her art in combat, I suppose.

"Oh. Well, in that case, it's quite lovely. But it still doesn't give us anything to use against them." Sanji snuffed his cigarette out in one of the abandoned teacups. "Unless you know something that might help?"

"At this point, all I can be sure of is people's powers. Mr Three ate the Wax-Wax Fruit; he can create and control wax that's harder than steel. It melts just as easily as normal, though. Miss Goldenweek doesn't have a fruit; she fights by hypnotizing people using colour symbolism." Which was… actually a very risky thing to do. Symbolism is fairly fluid; one person with a different background or outlook than you expected, and your carefully prepared attacks could go down the drain faster than a dead goldfish. "I have some ideas that might counter her."

"Well, that's something, at least." We left the base, Sanji tucking his hands into his pockets. "So you don't know exactly what people're up to anymore. That's fine. And this shitty bastard's some sort of master strategist/assassin who likes overly-complicated plans. Think we can out-think him?"

"Maybe…" I actually wasn't confident about that. I didn't _know_ enough about Galdino to- _oh_. "Okay, I might have… thirty percent of a plan. Mainly, I'll try and distract them so they can't set anything up."

That earned me the same flat look I gave Sanji earlier. "You call that a _plan_? _Really_?"

"I said it was _a third_ of a plan, actually. And what did you expect? The less time I have to prepare, the more my plans sound like Luffy declaring he'll kick someone's ass." Folding my arms, I scowled up at the cook. He sighed.

"Fine, fine." Sanji rolled his eyes. "So, _how_ do you plan to distract these people?"

"The same way I usually do- by spouting something I shouldn't know, getting strangled, and dealing with it however I can until either someone comes to kick their asses, _I_ manage to kick their asses, or the enemies forget how to enemy."

For a few minutes, Sanji was completely silent. Something changed in the air- it was almost as if I could feel the disapproving stares of an entire world. Then… "That can't work _all_ the time. Hell, I don't think it'll work now. It'll probably just move you up to number one on their assassination list. That's _not_ a plan!"

My arms unfolded so I could place my hands on my hips. "Well then, what would you suggest?"

Sanji shot me a long, appraising look. "Hmm… Normally I wouldn't ask a woman this, but since you're so determined to be one of the shitheads… Have you ever wanted to ride a dinosaur?"

That was… "Yes. I also did just that not long ago."

"Excellent."

X

I was torn between thinking this was a terrible idea, and how awesome my part in this plan was. It had taken almost an hour for me to track down the dinosaur we needed while Sanji went after Mr Three, leaving a trail for me to follow. Now, how I was going to _steer_ … Oh well, I'd figure that out once I was actually mounted.

"Here Tanky-Tanky-Tanky. I hope you don't blow up at red- or purple, or black. Or baby dragons." Ferns rustled around my knees as I walked slowly towards the huge beast. At least this one didn't have a herd, so the whole trampling thing was less likely.

An armoured head turned in my direction with a loud sniff. Watery gold eyes blinked; it was even _audible_ , what with the plates of boney armour that even covered its _eyelids_. The body was what would happen if a snapping turtle and a tank had a baby. A club the size of my head swung side to side at the tip of a thick tail.

Ankylosaur.

It didn't charge me, which was nice. Nor did it react in any way when I patted its head and neck, or climbed onto its back. In fact, it didn't react to anything. Once I was sitting atop those boney plates, the Ankylosaur shook its head and went back to grazing. Unlike the previous ones I'd interacted with, this dinosaur didn't care about me one way or the other. Which caused a _slight_ problem with Sanji's plan. Namely, how did I get it to move?

"Mush!" I slapped the Ankylosaur on its armoured rump. Nothing. "Go! Yah! Move! Mach schnell!" Flicking its head, kicking its legs, and hammering on its tail yielded similar results.

"Oh, come on! Fucking _move_! Newton's Second!" I slapped the armoured rump again, this time releasing a little burst of force. Okay, a lot of force. As much as I would have if I'd been trying to create a shockwave. Which… Well, I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't what happened.

The Ankylosaur's head shot up. It went stiff for a second, like a cartoon character who's been jabbed in the butt with a needle. Then it let out a pained bellow as it charged forwards. I grabbed onto the boney protrusions so I wasn't thrown off by the inertia. Which was something I should really be able to fight using my powers, now that I think about it.

"Batraaa!"

A heavily armoured skull crashed through a tree- and then another, and another, and another. Even more trees crashed down behind us as the club tail smashed from side to side. Despite the heat and humidity, the only thing I could think of was a _Jingle Bells_ parody. _Dashing through the snow/On a pair of broken skis/Over the fields we go/Crashing into trees/ The snow is turning red/I think I might be dead/And now I'm in the hospital with stitches in my head_!

Ruatha keened, claws digging into my back as he fought to hold on. And then teeth; the dragonet dug his _fucking teeth_ into the back of my neck to get an extra grip. Normally I would've slapped him for that, but I didn't have any hands free. Too busy trying to keep _my own_ grip. How the ever-loving _fuck_ did Sanji expect me to steer a bloody _Ankylosaur_?! All it wanted to do was go straight forward, regardless of what was in the way!

Thank the gods- or luck, or the plot- straight forward was more-or-less the way to the trail Sanji was laying. Although I didn't know this until a blur of blond and dark blue leapt out of the way of my charging mount. "Merde! Jones, watch where you're aiming that thing!"

"You act like I can do anything but hold on!" I yelled back as the Ankylosaur continued on its unstoppable way. A few seconds later, we came upon a figure dressed in striped blue and white. And the hair- I recognized Mr Three even without being able to slow down. He was in the process of making… _something_ out of wax, although that something was promptly shattered by my charging mount. Mr Three himself leapt out of the way with a high-pitched shriek. Well, that's one way to distract someone.

Over the next several minutes, my Ankylosaur smashed several more wax objects- some old, some new; some painted, some not. I didn't really get a good look at any of them. At that point, I was more concerned with finding a way down without dying. The mission was accomplished, after all; Galdino had been successfully distracted. Which meant that every second I spent clinging to this uncontrollable tank was another second where I could be thrown off and trampled, or crushed by the debris from all the things the dinosaur was smashing into. Unlike the baby Apatosaurus, this was definitely _not_ fun.

And then I saw water through the trees. The river; _of course_. Because nothing says "good afternoon" like being thrown, trampled, and _drowned_ all at the same time. No way in _any_ of the Nine Hells was I getting anywhere _near_ that, no matter what I had to do. Well, at least I had experience jumping off cantering dinosaurs…

Not something I'd ever expected to say as part of my everyday life.

"This is gonna _suck_." I let go of the bone plates I was holding and launched myself sideways. With Ruatha currently more-or-less embedded in my back, I couldn't curl around him in a protective ball, so I splayed out and prepared to have the wind knocked out of me _yet again_. And the ground did _not_ disappoint.

"Oww…" At least Ruatha released his death grip on my neck and shoulders. Warm blood dripped down from the tooth-and-claw marks. Pain! Although at this rate, I'd be pretty much inured against it by Sabaody, if not earlier.

I groaned and raised my head- only to come face-to-fabric with a maroon skirt and a pair of striped stockings. Looking up more allowed me to see a dark blue t-shirt under a cloudy button-down, red hair framing a child's face, and a broad-brimmed pink hat. Miss Goldenweek stared down at me in surprise. In the moment it took her to blink, I shot to my feet. She may have been a little kid and not a tough fighter, but letting her get my back was a _bad_ idea. _Very_ bad idea.

"You must be one of the pirates Mr Three saw earlier." Miss Goldenweek pulled out a paintbrush and settled into the weirdest, least threatening fighting stance I'd ever seen. "I guess I should capture you now; it'll save trouble later."

It wasn't often I was underestimated by someone half my size. I shifted into my own, far more combat-ready stance. "Bring it."

"Fine. Let's get this over with quickly. Sadness Blue!" Miss Goldenweek launched her attack with a twirl. I didn't dodge in time, unprepared for the speed with which she painted; a strange blue symbol splashed across my shirt.

 _Fuck_. I was so worthless; I couldn't even keep a little girl from spilling paint on me. I didn't deserve to be a Straw Hat… Didn't deserve to live. _Unnecessary_ … What was the point of even trying? I'd probably just screw up and get someone killed. That… I couldn't live with myself if that happened; the Straw Hats were my _friends_. Unable to cope with the sudden wash of emotions, I curled up into a ball. Ruatha crooned beside me; I could barely hear him over the ringing of inadequacy in my ears.

Above me, Miss Goldenweek cocked her head to the side. "Huh. It's never done that before. Usually people freeze and cry, not…" She trailed off, unsure how to describe my reaction.

How could I let myself get caught so easily? I'd fucked up… The crew would be better off without me around. After all, they did great in canon. Maybe I should just… My Swiss Army Knife was out of my pocket and open before I could complete the thought. I flipped my left forearm up, exposing my scars; phantom pain ran through the marks. The blade was about to pierce my skin when I remembered my promise. But… How could Luffy want someone like me on his crew? What use was someone who fell so easily into a… trap.

My knife snapped closed with a click as I realized. For once in my life… These feelings never made sense, but this time, it was because they weren't _mine_. It was this stupid _paint_. I couldn't believe I fell for a hypnotism trap based on _subjective symbolism_. But now that I knew what it was…

Miss Goldenweek wanted to play an arts game? Fine. Sadness wasn't the only thing blue could represent. Blue was the colour of the sea, the sky… _Freedom_. Blue was endless possibilities and the mysteries on the horizon, both soothing and dangerous. The depression fell away; my heart grew light. Like the feeling of flying during a vault. Miss Goldenweek stared in amazed confusion as I laughed.

"Sesehihihihihi!" My crazy grin made its appearance; my opponent took a step back. "You're good, very good. But you're fighting a _writer_ using _symbolism_. That is a _bad_ idea." And where else did I get the same thrill as during parkour? Sparring. There was nothing as freeing, as fun, as a good old-fashioned fistfight. I lunged to my feet, one fist aimed at Miss Goldenweek's head, the other ready to slam into her stomach or ribs should she block my first strike.

Except… I hesitated at the last second. As much as I love a good fight… I couldn't hurt a _kid_. Oh, I'd sparred with kids in the past, but I was usually teaching them. Light taps wherever I saw an opening, just enough to let them know what they had to work on. It wasn't like fighting Ghin, where I could hit as hard as I wanted and still barely do any damage- it wasn't even like fighting someone my own age from Earth. I'd had to hold back then, but I wouldn't have been worried about _killing_ them, usually.

My hesitation gave Miss Goldenweek an opening. "Calming Green!"

The new symbol covered her previous one, replacing my thrilling feeling of freedom with a soothing coolness. Why should I fight? Sure, fighting was fun, but it was far too much effort in this heat. Sitting down and having a drink sounded so much better.

Shaking my head, I talked myself through it out loud this time. Mostly because I wanted to see Miss Goldenweek's reaction to how I was countering her. I wasn't disappointed; as I spoke, she gradually looked more and more terrified. "Green is the colour of the forest; of life, growth, healing, and _wilderness_."

Of course, as soon as I said that, I felt a thrill of dread. Because unlike with turning blue into freedom, I didn't know _how_ my subconscious would react to wilderness. Dread was soon overpowered though, a rush of energy and adrenaline flooding my system. My mind went hazy; human thoughts became muted as something else rose underneath. I dropped to all fours, baring my teeth and growling. The soft little prey-beast in front of me squealed as I pounced.

"SHARARAAAAAAAAA!" Some tiny voice in the back of my head cried out that this was wrong, that this wasn't me. My instincts squashed it down. Of course this was me. I was a hunter; protecting and providing for the flight was what I lived for. Especially since I had a hatchling of my own to look after.

Weak arms shoved at me as the prey-beast tried to escape. I caught one of them in my teeth, biting down until I tasted blood. The prey-beast screamed. Then something tackled me from the side, forcing me to release her as I was knocked away. I turned to snarl at whatever had attacked me, only to see my own precious hatchling staring up at me with terrified blue eyes. He stood between me and the prey-beast, crooning and desperate. But what for? Why would he protect prey?

 _Mama, no! This isn't you! Something's wrong! Stop! You're scaring me!_

 _Scaring-? I know we normally eat fish, but I can't swim, and prey is prey. I have to provide for you until we find the rest of the flight._ I pushed my hatchling gently out of the way with my snout. _You'll understand when you're older._

 _No!_ My dear little hatchling clamped his jaws over one of my forelegs, trying to hold me back as I stalked towards the prey-beast. _No! I don't know what happened, but this isn't right! Mama! Stop!_

"SHAAAAAAA!" I ripped my leg out of my hatchling's mouth and nipped his wing. He didn't understand; I was only doing what was best for him. Blood dripped down the limb; my hatchling had sharper fangs than I did, and my scales were weak. Someday he would surpass me in the flight.

I pounced on the prey-beast again as she tried to stand. She put up a better show of resistance this time, but hitting me with that silly little stick of hers would do nothing, and her shrill roar was more pathetic than threatening. "Laughter Yellow!"

"Sesehihihihihi!" I collapsed, laughing so hard I could barely breathe. Despite this, I was horrified by what I'd just done. My humanity… gone. I'd tried to kill a _child_ , had seen her as _prey_ ; I'd even shoved Ruatha aside when he tried to tell me something was wrong. How could-? Those instincts were _terrifying_. Where had they even come from? I didn't know any animals that acted like that. Shudders ran up and down my spine; despite the forced laughter, tears of horror stung at my eyes. I never wanted to feel or think that way again.

Miss Goldenweek was preparing something else, mixing colours as I laughed and cried uncontrollably. There was a look of absolute terror on her face. I had no idea what she was planning, but it was probably something desperate and stupid. I couldn't let her; regardless of what I felt, what I'd just done, I couldn't lie here and let her capture me. But how could I counter yellow- _without_ bringing up something else even worse?

Oh, right. Speaking through the laughter was difficult, but I forced the words out. "Yellow is the colour of hope, optimism, honour, loyalty, and joy. The colour that best represents my captain and crew."

It was similar enough to the original Laughter Yellow that I didn't experience any influx of emotions or strange instincts, but still far enough. My laughter calmed; the optimistic colour also helped me get over my horror at my previous actions. I grabbed Miss Goldenweek before she could finish mixing paints, holding her arms behind her back and knocking her palette away. It splattered black everywhere, making me raise my eyebrows.

"Betrayal Black? And what did you expect that to do to me? My friends aren't even here for me to betray."

"You know what it's called?" Miss Goldenweek turned her head to look up at me, although I couldn't tell if her look of horror was residual from my wild phase, or because I knew her moveset. Then she shook her head. "With the way you're changing everything, I expected you to turn it into Nothingness Black and put yourself into a coma."

Oh, she was good. That might actually have happened- and even if it didn't, what immediately came to mind when I thought of black was usually either depression or villainy. Either one of those would've been almost as bad as nothingness. Maybe I shouldn't have said any of my reasoning out loud. In hindsight, that was Bond villain levels of stupid. "Heh. You almost got me with my own game. Clever girl."

"Chaa?"

I turned to look at Ruatha as he climbed onto my shoulder. "Sorry bud. I should've listened to you."

"Shoro?" The dragonet continued his way up to the top of my head so he could lean down and stare in my face. Miss Goldenweek squirmed in my grip, then froze in terror. Yes, worse terror than she was already feeling from interacting with me.

"Um… Scary Pirate Lady? I don't think it was your little dragon." She jerked her head at something to one side.

I turned to see what had drawn the little girl's attention. As soon as I saw it, I felt all the blood drain from my face. I shot a mental middle finger to my author, biting back every curse word I knew. Murphy… _Fucking_ Murphy. Apparently even things I just _thought_ were fair game. Remember earlier, when I said I thought I could hold my own against Velociraptors? Yeah… That assessment was based on them moving in groups of three or four at most. It was a reasonable assumption- no fossil evidence had been found of them working in large packs.

Too bad I couldn't tell that to the twenty-odd dinosaurs staring at me from atop a fallen log.

They were covered in some hybrid of feathers and scales, much like Ruatha. In fact, the Velociraptors looked a _lot_ like my dragon. They were about the same size; had the same feather-scales; their heads, teeth, and feet all looked similar- although Ruatha didn't have the sickle-like claws. The main differences were in the arms and shoulders; where the raptor limbs were held stiffly forward, Ruatha's wings had a much greater range of motion and were much longer in proportion to his body. But it was the eyes that _truly_ set them apart- Ruatha's reminded me of a puppy or kitten, while the raptors looked like, well, raptors. As in an eagle that was trying to decide whether or not to eat a rabbit.

"Chaa?" The lead Velociraptor had a red crest that gave me some idea why Triceratops hated the colour. It took a step towards me, chittering at its packmates. I took a step back, pulling Miss Goldenweek with me; the raptor came forwards again.

Then, on some sort of silent signal, two of the raptors leapt. I launched myself backwards with a blast of force, again pulling Miss Goldenweek with me. The girl's eyes spun as we landed. "Owie… Thank you, I guess. But why would you save me?"

"Umm… Because you're just a kid and I don't wanna see a child get torn apart by raptors?"

"That's- Eeeeeeeeee!" Miss Goldenweek screamed as the pack of raptors rushed through the hole I'd blasted through the undergrowth. Force bursts really weren't the most subtle way to travel. I switched from holding the Baroque Works agent prisoner to holding her hand and pulling her along as I scrambled away from the Velociraptors. She wasn't a very fast runner though, between her short legs and chronic laziness. It was like trying to run while pulling a barrel of water.

And the raptors were _fast_. They had us surrounded in no time. My heart jumped into my mouth. Now, I've never been afraid of an animal that I could remember. When I was a kid, I used to pet wild bats and chipmunks; I love snakes, and spiders are adorable. But the raptors… Chills ran down my spine. They were so small, but the way they looked at us nurtured an unfamiliar pool of fear in the pit of my stomach.

"Chakakakaka!" The lead raptor darted in. Squealing, Miss Goldenweek climbed up onto my shoulders, burying her face in my hair. That saved her, although it led to little teeth digging into my arm as the Velociraptor tried go after her. Pain! And now I had some fresh blood running down from the wound.

I smashed my other fist down on its snout. The raptor released its grip with a snarl; I kicked it and bolted. Not that it did me much good. Running while carrying a child wasn't much easier than running while pulling one, and the Velociraptors weren't getting any slower. They kept after us, jumping and snapping. Ruatha was a saving grace; he bit and snarled at the raptors who went after Miss Goldenweek, leaving me free to focus on myself and my footing.

Sharp teeth and claws tore at me; fuck, fuck, fuck, pain, pain, pain! No matter how many of them I clubbed over the head, they just wouldn't stop. Blood loss was starting to make me weaken and slow, my brain going fuzzy. That- that wasn't good. I needed to _speed up_ , not slow down. Otherwise we'd be eaten; I didn't want to be eaten!

How could something so small be so dangerous? At least, without being venomous. Needed to get out of here, get bandages, get help… I tried to force myself faster, but my muscles were already burning, past spent. And then my feet skidded on nothing, nearly sending me tumbling onto my face. I caught myself on a branch before I could go down completely; one of the Velociraptors tried to take the opportunity to lunge for my throat. Lucky for me, Ruatha was able to spare a moment from guarding Miss Goldenweek to give this particular raptor a taste of its own medicine, dragon teeth tearing through flesh. This bought me a few precious seconds, as the rest of the pack paused to examine their fallen comrade and re-evaluate their attack pattern.

 _Tabarnak_. When did my life become a crappy _Jurassic Park_ sequel? My writer was getting way too happy with all these dinosaur scenes. How exactly did she expect me to _survive_ this?

…Running away wasn't working. I needed to fight back. Except, I couldn't. Why couldn't I make myself fight back? All I wanted to do was flee. I couldn't- couldn't turn and fight. Even the thought of trying made me start shaking, my knees weak and my heart pounding. Fuck… Luffy, a giant, anybody… I wanted to get out of here, to hide. Why was I acting like such a yellow-bellied…

 _Yellow_. Merde. I still had the yellow paint on. And as much as yellow was the colour of everything else I'd listed- joy, honour, loyalty- it was also the colour most commonly associated with _cowardice_. And Miss Goldenweek was too busy crying into the back of my head to do anything useful like help me get the paint off.

Okay, apparently fighting was out. So I had no choice but to keep running until I could find help or get this paint off. Except- and this thought was punctuated by a raptor biting my ankle to emphasize it- running _wasn't working_. I kicked the raptor away as I continued my futile scramble away from the pack, slipping and skidding through the undergrowth. Fucking Hell, even _friction_ had it in for me.

And then I fell. Exhaustion, injury… It was too much. I couldn't run anymore. The raptors chattered triumphantly as they closed in; time seemed to slow down as death approached. I was too tired for fear anymore, in too much pain to feel anything else, except… mild nausea? I was pretty sure I was out of force after that jump blast at the beginning of the chase; where did the nausea come from?

I'd worry about that later. If you have it, use it. When the raptors tried to dogpile us, I released another force blast to try and get away. It sent me shooting across the ground as if the mud and undergrowth had become ice- friction was apparently taking a holiday. But at least it got me and my passengers away from the Velociraptors faster.

I stood up as soon as I stopped sliding, only to slip again. Staggering against a tree, I could still here the raptors coming after us. Didn't they ever quit? My limbs trembled as I tried to start running again, only for my feet to slip around as friction refused to function. Seriously, where had it go-?

Oh.

"Stupid! So stupid!" Despite the carnivorous dinosaurs I was trying to escape, I wasted a fraction of a second smacking a palm into my forehead. _Friction was a force_ \- one which I was apparently absorbing in my panic. Okay… Since I couldn't seem to turn that function of my powers off without calming down, how could I use it? It made running difficult, I slid everywhere like I was on ice… I deserved a second face-palm for being so stupid. This took low WIS to whole new levels.

Pushing off the tree, I forgot about running in favour of skating. Oh, that was much better. So much faster, so much more efficient- and since I was running on fumes and my head was starting to feel like it was made of cotton balls, I needed that. Of course, I was still moving at a slower pace than the raptors could run at full tilt, and the lack of friction made steering extraordinarily difficult…

Many _George of the Jungle_ impressions were left on trees that day.

And then I slammed into something that wasn't made of wood. At that point, though I hadn't really noticed, the raptors hadn't been attacking for about thirty seconds. They were still watching though, lurking among the trees behind me. Which was good for me, since I had just face-planted into what felt like an overstuffed leather recliner. That did it for me; I crumpled sideways, unable to keep moving. Ruatha jumped off my head and began licking my face, crooning worriedly. After a minute, Miss Goldenweek released her hold on my shoulders and climbed off my back. Shadows moved above me.

Something nudged me in the ribs. "This little one looks like she's hurt pretty bad." Familiar voice- one of the giants? Which one though? I didn't remember which was which. The one with the short beard and horned helmet. He wasn't quite as tall as I'd expected. On the page, the giants had looked taller than the tallest tree; in reality… I'd put the giant at thirty-some feet tall, plenty shorter than the trees, and even some of the dinosaurs I'd seen. Not that thirty-some feet was _small_ by any means.

"Ah! Big Sis!" Three smaller shadows jumped off the giant's shoulders- one blue, one green, one brown. Johnny and Yosaku pulled rolls of bandages out of their coats, having apparently taken a page from Ghin's book.

Yosaku shook his head. "Shit, Big Sis, what happened? You're almost as much of a trouble magnet as Big Bro Luffy."

I panted, my lungs burning. Everything stung and ached; I had sweat and dirt caked into my wounds. Since I couldn't speak to answer, Miss Goldenweek did so for me.

"We were fighting… There were raptors- the scary pirate lady could've left me behind, but she didn't. They might've left her alone if she had."

"Nah, Big Sis would never do that. She hates seeing kids hurt." Johnny did his best to clean the bites as Yosaku was wrapping them up- by which I mean he was wiping the dirt off with a rag and dripping rum all over me. It burned, and it stank something awful, but it was the best antiseptic I was liable to get at the moment. I grit my teeth and bore with it.

"The littlest one is hurt too," the giant crouching over us pointed out. This prompted Usopp to pull out his own roll of bandages. Frowning, the gunner examined Miss Goldenweek's arm.

"That doesn't look like the bites Jones has. It looks… _human_ …"

Miss Goldenweek bit her lip and glanced down at me. "I- Like I said, we were fighting. I accidentally turned her into a wild- I don't know what. She bit me before I turned her back."

"You did _WHAT_?" Cue four jaws- one of them the size of a bathtub- dropping to the ground. The little girl shrugged.

"My hypnotism does different things to her than to most people. Actually, um, you should probably get that yellow paint off her. I'm not sure what it's doing."

"On it." Whatever solvent Johnny used to get the paint off my shirt _burned_ when it got in one of the raptor bites. I groaned.

It took a comically long thirty seconds for Usopp to actually process what Miss Goldenweek had said. Once he had, he shrieked and jumped up onto the giant's foot. "Wait! Who are you? Why were you fighting Jones?" He aimed a rotten egg at the little girl's face, his hands trembling as he held his slingshot.

Squeaking, Miss Goldenweek bowed. "I- I really shouldn't say. None of you were supposed to see me."

Yosaku glanced up at the giant. "Big Bro Broggy?"

The giant snorted. "She must be one of the little people from that candle house down by the Triceratops breeding grounds."

Red pigtails went rigid with surprise. "You- you knew we were here?"

"Gabababababababa! Of course we did!" The forest shook with the giant's laughter. Miss Goldenweek frowned in confusion.

"But then, why didn't you ever come after us?"

"Why would we?" Broggy shrugged. "You never did anything to us, and you weren't armed. It'd be dishonourable to attack a single father and his child without reason; the gods of Elbaf would smite us down."

"Oh…" Miss Goldenweek didn't look like she understood, but Usopp nodded and beamed. The sniper lowered his weapon and slid back down from his perch on Broggy's shoe.

"Of course! Great warriors never attack children- it would be unfair!" Usopp puffed up his chest like some sort of demented rooster. "Only bullies beat up on people who can't fight back, and everyone knows bullies are secretly the most cowardly of all!"

Johnny groaned. "Someone make him stop." The blue hunter turned to glare up at Broggy. "I blame you. Big Bro used to make sense before you told him all those weird stories about the gods of Elbaf."

"Gabababababa! I didn't do anything! Little Longnose already wanted to be a great warrior; all I did was tell him about the great deeds of warriors past!"

"Is _that_ why the scary pirate lady hesitated?" Miss Goldenweek paused thoughtfully. "Because I'm a child? But I can defend myself… I'm not helpless. And Mr Three _isn't_ my father."

My lungs had finally stopped burning enough to move and talk. I sat up with a groan of pain. Oww… Even just sitting up made my head spin. All of my exposed skin was covered with bandages, except for my face. Yosaku shook his head as he wrapped a final length of gauze around one of the bites on my legs. "Big Sis, you shouldn't get up yet. Those things almost ate you alive."

"Not my fault I'm delicious." I turned to Miss Goldenweek. "And yes, that's why I hesitated. I couldn't hurt a kid- not even one who works for Baroque Works." I tacked that last bit on for my crew mates' benefit. Their gasps were appropriate and satisfying.

The little girl drooped. "Does _everyone_ know Mr Three and I are here, and what we're doing?"

"Yes. Sanji and I overheard your snail call with Mr Zero."

Sighing, Miss Goldenweek shook her head. "I guess we're not very good assassins then. Does that mean you're going to kill me?"

Johnny, Yosaku, and Usopp all let out squawks of protest; I shook my head. "No, I wasn't planning on killing you. If I was gonna do that, I would've left you for the raptors, and I already said I would never do that."

"But why? If I'd caught you, you would've died."

"Because I'm an idiot with a weirdly skewed conscience and an underdeveloped sense of self-preservation." I rolled my eyes and forced myself to my feet. Ow, ow, stiff, sore; moving was a very bad idea. Pain made me twitch involuntarily; my head spun. I leaned on Yosaku to keep from falling.

A tremendous explosion made the ground shake; Broggy stood up from his crouch. "Once again, it's time…" The giant swung his axe and marched off through the trees. We followed him at a jog- even Miss Goldenweek, who seemed to have decided that trying to escape right now wouldn't work out for her. Although her jog was more of a brisk walk, and even that left her panting in short order.

By the time we'd arrived at the giants' battleground, I was exhausted again. And hungry. I sat down on a log and pulled an apple from my utility belt. It helped, but it wasn't quite enough. Blood loss needs protein, not just sugars. Miss Goldenweek sat beside me, with Ruatha draping himself over both our laps, while Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku stayed standing. The sniper's eyes glowed as Dorry arrived from the opposite direction.

Steel clashed on steel as the giants commenced their duel. Sparks the size of cantaloupes flew off the aged weapons. These sparks were reflected in Usopp's huge, shining eyes; he made little noises of excitement every time sword met axe. In fact, the sniper was practically vibrating in place.

"This is so cool! I can't wait to go to Elbaf!" Usopp's voice was like a little kid being told they were going to Disneyland. His eyes went from reflective to full-on stars. "We're gonna go there someday, right Jones?"

"Definitely." Okay, so it hadn't happened by the time I came here, but it was almost as guaranteed as Luffy becoming king of the pirates. The only question was when. Usopp squealed a little and fell to his knees.

And I have to admit, watching the giants battle was awesome. Weapons traced silver arcs through the air; helmets rang like church bells whenever they were struck. I swore I could hear giant muscles straining when Dorry and Broggy locked together, trying to throw each other off center. But they were equally matched in every way; strength, speed, balance. As a martial artist, it was beautiful to watch, a dance of steel and power.

Rapid footsteps approached around the edge of the clearing; those of us watching the fight were joined by Luffy, Vivi, and Carue. Luffy was nearly as enthralled by the giant duel as Usopp. The princess, on the other hand, was twitchy and anxious, staring around as if she expected Velociraptors to leap out and attack her. Carue wasn't much better off; the duck kept jumping at shadows.

"Have you seen Mairead?" You knew Vivi was worried when she had no qualms addressing _me_ with that question, despite Johnny and Yosaku being available. "She said she was going to find Ghin, but I haven't seen her in a while."

"Eh?" My head was a little fuzzy for that to make sense on its own. "Context, please?"

Vivi scowled and rolled her eyes. "Mairead came to us after _you_ ran off somewhere. Then she heard you yelling and went looking for Ghin, I _guess_ hoping that _he_ could talk some sense into you before you got yourself eaten or something."

"Then maybe she's with him." I frowned, the princess' words not making sense. "Why're you so worried? It's not like we all have den-den mushi and hers suddenly dropped out of contact."

"I know. And I wouldn't be worried, usually, but we went back to the ship a little while ago to pick up some rum, and Nami and Jack weren't there. There was a note from those two," Vivi nodded at Johnny and Yosaku, "But it explicitly stated that Nami and Jack had decided to stay behind. Something's wrong."

That got the hunters' attention. They jumped, forgetting about the titanic battle occurring over our heads. "What?! Big Sis Nami's gone?! How? Where?"

"If I _knew_ , I would _tell_ someone." Ouch. Vivi rolled her eyes at the hunters, unamused by their obliviousness while at the same time making a jab at me.

Although, to be fair, I wasn't amused either. I sighed and rubbed my temples. "Were there any clues? Anything to say where they might've gone? Whether the ship was attacked by a dinosaur?"

"There was some white stuff on one rail." Vivi retrieved a chunk of something out of her pocket and throwing it at me. I caught it before it could bounce off my head and into the bush. Although honestly, it would've been easier to see there than on the _white_ rails of the _Going Merry_. Vivi must have excellent eyesight. "It feels a little like wax, but it's much too hard."

 _Tabarnak_. Mr Three had them. Miss Goldenweek gasped, realizing the same thing. That drew Vivi's attention to the little girl sitting at my side. The princess jumped back, pulling out her Peacock Slashers and setting them spinning. "Who's this?!"

"Lisa," Miss Goldenweek introduced herself before I could. "My name is Lisa. The scary pirate lady saved me from Velociraptors."

Her story didn't appease the princess, although calling me scary did get a snort of amusement. "What're you doing here that you _needed_ saving from Velociraptors? You're twelve- it's not like you just _happen_ to be on an island full of dinosaurs and _no people_." Dark grey eyes snapped to mine. " _Jones_? Is she with Baroque Works?"

Okay… A, how was that the first conclusion you jump to, and B, "What're you gonna do if she is?"

That brought Vivi up short. The princess froze, staring at the little girl. Johnny and Yosaku watched with interest; Luffy and Usopp were still focused on Dorry and Broggy's duel. The pair roared and cheered enthusiastically, trying to outdo each other in their loudness.

"You can do it Broggy! For the glory of Elbaf!"

"Get him Giant Guy! For Pony!"

Thank you for breaking the mood, Captain. Vivi's stare turned to Luffy, and she was joined by everyone else. Even Usopp took a break from watching the duel to shoot the rubber boy a look of utmost confusion. "For _Pony_?"

Luffy shrugged. "I was gonna say 'Spoon!' but that doesn't sound like a battle cry."

"Fair enough." The sniper shrugged and turned back to the clashing duel, just in time to see Dorry and Broggy simultaneously knock each other's helmets off. There was a deafening clatter as the enormous pieces of headwear crashed down into the jungle.

Both giants stumbled back and sat down, exhausted, their duel ending in yet another draw. They panted and laughed, clapping each other on the back. "Gabababababa! A good fight, as always!"

"Gegyagyagyagyagya! Same to you, old friend! It's just too bad- we'll never get home at this rate…"

"It could be worse. At least we're together."

"Very true."

Vivi returned to scowling at me and Miss Goldenweek as the giants laughed and roughhoused. Then the princess shook her head, letting out the biggest sigh I'd ever heard and grinding her knuckles into her forehead. "I just- I give up. As much as I don't like you, you seem to know what you're doing. If you want to make friends with all the Baroque Works agents, _fine_. Just make sure you can stop your friends attacking my country." Vivi huffed and rode away; presumably she and Carue were continuing on their search for Mairead.

Miss Goldenweek looked lost. She stared after Vivi for a long moment, then edged closer to me. Small arms wrapped around a bandaged limb; the little girl was hugging my arm. I shot her an incredulous look as I tried to pull away. This was very uncomfortable. But she was latched onto me like a bloody tick or something.

It didn't take long for my distaste to become palpable. "What're you doing? Let go."

"But I'm scared, and you're the only one here who likes me." Her face didn't show any fear, but Miss Goldenweek's voice tremored a little as she spoke. And then it hit me like a train; secret agent or no, she was still a little girl. In a situation like this- surrounded by people she didn't know, unable to control anything, with a person nearby who could twist and nullify her fighting techniques- it was only natural for her to be terrified. I would be, and I was twice her age.

"Do you _want_ everyone to like you? I thought you were trying to capture and kill us." Very carefully, trying my best not to hurt her, I pried my arm free of Miss Goldenweek's hold. If only she'd been as considerate with me; her hug, as well as being generally uncomfortable, made the raptor bites on that arm burn even more from being touched.

"Yeah, I'm supposed to… But you saved me when you could've left me behind. I don't wanna kill you anymore." The little girl sighed. "It's not like you stand a chance against Mr Three anyway, so I may as well enjoy you while I can."

Right, Galdino was still on the loose. I needed to be more concerned about that. My arm finally free, I snapped my fingers to get my crew mates' attention. "Luffy! Usopp! Johnny! Yosaku! Mr Three has Nami and Jack- and maybe Mairead too. Also, Vivi just ran off alone to look for them."

The captain went stiff at my words, all traces of happy-go-lucky amusement draining from his face. "Mr Three… He's one of the guys who works for the Gator, right? Where is he? I'll kick his ass!"

"Not sure where he is Captain." I flinched as the dread I should feel in this situation finally caught up with me. Cold, hard, like I'd swallowed an ice cube the size of my fist. "But we need to find them quick- he might try to turn them into candles or wax statues." Man, Galdino was a sick fuck, wasn't he?

Luffy's eyes blazed; his knuckles popped, he clenched his fists so hard. "I won't let him… Jones, what does he look like?"

"Blue and white striped shirt, glasses, and his hair's tied up to look like the number three. You couldn't miss him if you tried."

"Right." Nodding, Luffy took off into the forest. He did nothing to hide his location as he crashed through the undergrowth; of course, on an island full of dinosaurs that weren't exactly quiet, this might not give him away. Johnny, Yosaku, and Usopp stared after him.

"Is it really safe for Big Bro to run off alone like that?" Yosaku wanted to know. The ice cube of dread in my stomach started to melt, sending cold rushing through my veins as I remembered what Mr Three could do.

"Probably not. Do you two have anything in your trap kits that could be used to make a signal?" Both hunters nodded, so I pushed on. "Follow Luffy and signal if you see Mr Three or get in any other sort of trouble. Usopp, you're with me." And then, almost as an afterthought, I added, "And if anyone sees Sanji, tell him I said his plan sucked. _He_ can ride the out-of-control Ankylosaur next time."

Johnny and Yosaku shot me confused looks before shrugging, saluting, and taking off into the forest. Usopp frowned. "What was _that_ about?"

"We were trying to distract Mr Three so he couldn't start trapping people. It didn't work, and my role was _not_ as fun as it should've been."

Thunderous footsteps shook the ground as Dorry and Broggy stood up. The giants stared down at us in concern. "Is something wrong, little ones?" They were like an enormous version of our hunters, perfectly in sync.

Usopp glanced up at the giants. "Some of our friends got kidnapped. Ah! But there's nothing to worry about- Detective Usopp is on the case!" He rubbed under his nose, betraying his nervousness.

Dorry smiled, letting out a huff of laughter. "That's good to hear. A true warrior never lets anything get between himself and his friends."

Broggy nodded. "That said, we can help you if you'd like. The more eyes you have, the more quickly you can find your friends. I swear on my honour as a warrior of Elbaf, we will only search; we won't interfere with your battles."

The Straw Hat gunner beamed. "Thanks guys- you're the best! So, we're looking for a redheaded girl, a muscle-lady in a checkered dress, and a loud guy who dresses like a prince!"

"We'll call if we see them." The two giants began walking in opposite directions, scanning through the vegetation as they shoved trees aside.

Just before Usopp and I took off on our own search, Miss Goldenwek grabbed my arm again and tugged. "Scary Pirate Lady… What about me?"

"That's up to you. Help us, leave, try to capture us… I don't care. Just remember, if you try to take us, you're fighting _me_ again. And I'll be more careful about how I counter your hypnotism." I jerked my arm free of the girl's grip, inviting a burst of pain.

She paused for a moment, thoughtful. Shrugging, Usopp and I jogged off into the jungle. We needed to find the others. Hopefully we'd get there on time to melt Galdino's Creepy Candle of Doom before it turned people into statues- if he was even using the same technique as in canon. Although if he was using something else, melting it was probably still the solution. After a few seconds, there was loud scrambling in the undergrowth behind us.

"Wait for me!" Miss Goldenweek barely managed to catch us, her little legs pumping as hard as they could. She was panting when she barrelled into my back, her face red. Usopp and I paused; the little Baroque Works agent collapsed at my feet. For an assassin, she wasn't in very good shape.

"What? Why should we?" Usopp aimed his slingshot at Miss Goldenweek. The little girl stared up at us, tears in her eyes. Her lip stuck out in an adorable pout.

"I- I don't wanna be alone out here. What if the dinosaurs come? I promise I won't get in the way, or try to capture you. Pinky swear!" Holding up her right hand with the little finger extended, Miss Goldenweek stared into my eyes.

"Fine." I hooked my pinky through hers, pulling her to her feet. She didn't stay standing long. Sighing, I crouched down. "Climb on. You're light enough that I'm fine to carry you, as long as we don't get in a fight. If we do, I'll have to drop you."

"Okay." For the second time that day, I had a child on my back as I made to go on. Oh well, at least this time I didn't have to run, and there were no Velociraptors in sight. Ruatha chattered grumpily, moving to my head, as Usopp and I started jogging again.

X

"HIIIIIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

We'd been searching for almost an hour when we heard the scream. I couldn't tell if it was Nami or Vivi, but it couldn't have been anyone else. Usopp froze, turning in the direction of the sound as he began to shake. "I- they're that way! What do we do?!"

"We can't decide _that_ until we get there and see what's going on," I reminded him. The gunner gulped and nodded. Taking the lead as we continued on our way through the brush, I carefully picked a path towards the source of the scream. Usopp had his slingshot out and ready, jumping at shadows as we walked. A few minutes later, we stumbled upon Mr Three's chosen base of operations; I held an arm out to stop Usopp from walking out of the trees and giving us away. Grabbing Ruatha's snout to keep him from making noise, I crouched down behind a fern to take stock of the situation before us. Usopp got down beside me, holding one hand over Miss Goldenweek's mouth to prevent her from alerting Galdino to our presence.

The location was different than canon- a glen at the base of an inactive volcano instead of a large clearing. Despite this, his methods were the same. Wax rose from the ground in a massive table decoration of death; a cliff on the volcanoes flank had Dorry and Broggy pinned against it, wax nails piercing their flesh and clothing. The giants were barely conscious, their faces creased with pain. I wondered how the wax man had managed to capture the giants- they were gagged, so I could at least see how he'd kept them from calling and warning each other, but that didn't explain how he'd taken them down. There must be traps set up somewhere on the island; it would make sense, since Dorry and Broggy were Mr Three's original targets.

And, of course, the horrid candle was raining flakes of wax down on a number of our captured crew mates. Nami, Jack, Mairead, Zoro, Johnny, Yosaku… Usopp and I got there just as Mr Three added Vivi to the display. The princess struggled weakly, but she was badly hurt; it looked like she'd gotten into an altercation with some sort of large animal, rather than Mr Three himself. Everyone else bore some level of injury as well. Carue and Luffy were nowhere to be seen.

"HEY UGLY! LET THEM GO!" Oops, my mistake. The captain charged in on duck-back just as Mr Three finished securing Vivi to the display. Rubber fists smashed against a defensive wall that the Baroque Works agent threw up at the last moment.

Mr Three smirked. "Heh. I knew capturing your little friends would draw you out. So predictable." The wax man flung sharpened bits of hard white, forcing Luffy to dodge a deadly rain.

As the fight heated up, I looked at Usopp. "We need to get the others out. If that _thing_ keeps dumping wax on them, they'll turn into statues and die."

The gunner squeaked. "But… How do we do that? You saw that wax wall- even Luffy couldn't punch through it!" Usopp looked up at our trapped crew mates. "And I don't think Zoro's idea is gonna work."

Tabarnak. The bosun was trying to cut his own feet off to escape. Idiot… Didn't he know there were major arteries there? Cutting his feet off without a way to stop the bleeding was an _excellent_ way to get himself killed. I put Miss Goldenweek down and began rifling through my utility belt.

"It may be hard, but it's still wax. We can melt it." I pulled out a box of matches, then began using my Swiss Army Knife to cut branches off nearby trees to use as kindling. Usopp's eyes lit up; he pulled a coil of rope and a small can of oil out of the bag he always carried around.

Miss Goldenweek stared at us. "You guys… You're not as dumb as Mr Three said you'd be. But you still can't win. He'll take down your captain and get the rest of you, even without my help. It's too bad; I was starting to like you, Scary Pirate Lady."

"It's Jones," I informed her as I stripped bark from my kindling. "And your lack of confidence hurts, it really does. We're a lot tougher than you think we are."

Wax shrapnel tore through the ferns around us as Luffy broke one of Mr Three's creations. I glanced up at the fight; my captain's feet were bound together with heavy, white shackles that he was using as a crude hammer. It made him slow and sloppy, but he didn't seem to need help. Yet, at least. Usopp whined as he finished oiling his rope.

"How're we gonna get in to light it though? Or even set things up on that candle thing?" The gunner chewed his lip and glanced up at the doomsday device. I followed his gaze. Zoro had given up on trying to cut his feet off and struck a dramatic pose with his swords. On either side of him, Johnny and Yosaku were posing similarly. Meanwhile Jack was panicking, Nami and Mairead had their faces cradled in the palms of their hands, and Vivi was swaying dazedly. The princess had a bloody welt on the side of her head that looked worse than most of her other injuries. In fact, between her, Zoro's assault on his own ankles, and everyone else's injuries, I could smell the blood even from where Usopp and I were hiding.

"We need to get Carue's attention. He can take you to wrap your rope around the base; he's fast enough that you won't get hit that way. And I can just throw my sticks."

"But what if you hit our friends?!" Usopp's voice squeaked as he tried to keep quiet while also shrieking at me.

"I'm sure they'd rather get a minor burn than end up dead and encrusted in wax. Besides, with as much wax as they _already_ have on them, I doubt I'll hurt them."

Usopp sighed and shrugged. "If you say so… How do we get Carue's attention then? I don't wanna shout- the wax guy might notice before I can do anything."

Well, Galdino was being distracted by Luffy, so I doubted that would be an issue, but if it made Usopp feel better… "I could provide a distraction- just nothing to do with Ankylosaurs. Not that I think I could find one right now…"

But what kind of distraction? I didn't have a lot of time to run off and get something… But most of the stuff in my belt was for sabotage and assassination; I didn't have anything flashy that would draw Mr Three's eye. Unless I lit something on fire, but we were already doing that, so it might not be as effective. Plus, too many fires and I could set the jungle alight, something I didn't want to do. As much as they may have been assholes, I didn't want to leave the dinosaurs homeless.

Thud.

A giant footstep shook the forest, interrupting my thoughts. I looked around, unable to spot anything, yet certain something was there. Then I heard snuffling noises among the trees. What was it though? Not an Apatosaurus; I'd already determined they weren't scent-based creatures. But the sniffing came from so high up… Was there a tiger up in the trees somewhere? But they wouldn't make the thudding noises…

Thud.

Something was moving, something green. It was far too large to be a tiger, as tall as one of the trees hiding it from my view. Rustling, followed by a plop; a great glob of saliva dropped onto a log. Even Luffy and Mr Three paused and looked around, although it was only for a second. Everyone trapped on the candle, though- they stared around in confusion, searching for the source of the footsteps that shook their prison. Even Zoro cast his eyes around, although he did so without twitching from his epic pose.

Thud.

What little oil was left in Usopp's can shook as acid green scales emerged from the forest. Fangs like butcher's knives in a great, boxy head; talons like swords on the enormous feet, while two tiny arms dangled uselessly from the towering body. One yellow eye surveyed the glen, but it was secondary to the creature's deep, snuffling breaths. The other eye was hidden by a web of cuts and drying blood, too injured to use. A blade of some sort, which meant the dinosaur had tangled with one of my crew mates; if it had been one of the giants- or even Zoro, actually- the beast would be dead. A threatening hiss escaped as those muscled jaws dropped open.

Tyrannosaurus Rex. _Shit_.

The T-Rex continued sniffing, step by step coming out of the trees until it was visible in its whole deadly glory. Usopp squeaked beside me, shaking. I wasn't much better; even if I wasn't shaking, my blood ran cold. And yet, somehow, Luffy and Mr Three were able to keep fighting without pause. Not that the dinosaur was focused on them. No, the T-Rex was sniffing in the direction of my crew mates trapped in the candle.

Tabarnak. It was attracted to the smell of blood, wasn't it?

" _ **HARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_ "

And then the Rex _roared_. It was louder than cannon fire, more terrifying than anything I'd ever heard. The trees shook; the volcano started smoking. Sword-like talons ripping up dirt, the dinosaur charged at my trapped friends. Its deadly gaze was fixed on Vivi.

 _Tabarnak_. If something happened to her, it meant _bad_ things for Alabasta. Very bad things. Maybe not for the Straw Hats- no matter what happened, I was sure Luffy could still beat Crocodile- but for the kingdom itself… How could they rebuild after an attempted coup if their princess got eaten by a T-Rex? Nope, nope, nope, couldn't let that happen.

I shot to my feet so fast Ruatha was fired off my head. My body moved on its own as I bolted out into the glen. "NewplanUsopp! Here'syourdistractiongottagobye!"

No, I didn't have a plan. I had no idea how to fight a T-Rex, or distract it, or control it. I wasn't thinking at all as I raced across the ground. Adrenaline made me shaky; I nearly slipped as my fear made me start absorbing friction again. The cold flowing through my veins was joined by force nausea, trembling, and a sudden stress headache.

"GET DOWN!" Not that it would help much, but still.

I reached the Doom Candle at the same time as the T-Rex. Great, drooling jaws opened to take a bite out of Vivi; I flung myself in front of the princess, shoving her over. Not that she could go anywhere, with her feet still trapped in wax. Vivi fell on her back, staring up at me in confusion. And then…

 _ **PAIN!**_

Pain in my shoulder, my arm, my back, my ribs. I was being stabbed _everywhere_ by those _awful_ teeth. I couldn't feel anything else; I could barely breathe. It felt like my right lung was collapsed- or possibly full of liquid. Hard to tell. Not that it would likely matter for long. Twelve bright drops of red fell from my shoulder, splashing on Vivi's face, before more blood began to well up and run down my chest and arm. Far, far too much blood, especially when I was already in poor condition.

Well, if I was going to die, I wasn't going alone. My voice was cracked and bubbly when it came out, barely a voice at all. I tasted the blood bubbling up from my throat. "Newton's… Second…"

I channelled all the force I had into the T-Rex's head, through every point of contact. The result was like a video game headshot meeting a Michael Bay movie- blood and fragments of skull flew everywhere. Well, at least the pressure from the jaw muscles was gone, even if the pain was only getting worse. Vivi's mouth fell open as gore exploded behind me; I think she was too terrified to even scream. I'm afraid I didn't make things any better by immediately falling forwards onto her, unable to hold myself up. Blackness slowly moved in from the edges of my vision.

"What? Why?" The princess' voice was barely audible, a whispered hiss of shock and disbelief. And possibly a little disgust. It's hard not to be grossed out when you're covered in blood, bone, and brains from a dinosaur and a person you're barely civil with.

"I'm… expendable… you… aren't…" At least if I had to die so early in the adventure, I was doing so saving someone. And probably fixing something I'd screwed up, if Vivi had been the one to maim the dinosaur in the first place. The blackness finally covered my vision completely; there was a final burst of pain before everything disappeared- pain, motion, light, life.


	14. Ethos

**Ethos: an argument based on the ethics of the speaker, and the group or purpose they represent**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you. Although, there's no need to worry about me skipping an arc; I would never leave that much of the story in the dark, or abandon a canon Straw Hat.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you.**

 **Guest (the resident cat): Thank you very much. Ghin's always been one of my favourites too, for some reason.**

 **Sakura Hatsu: Heh. Thank you very much. ^_^ And if we're playing 3.5 to allow for greater customization, Jones is primarily a monk with a couple levels of druid— have to get that animal companion somehow.**

 **Dragondancer81: No, Luffy doesn't agree with Jones' logic. When she's conscious again, he will tell her so. And yes, this starts to mend the rift between Jones and Vivi, although it'll be a while before there's much chance to show it.**

 **Guest (Apr 18/1): Thank you. And yes, I've always seen the Straw Hats as a sort of big, complicated family too.**

 **wildcat2636: *evil grin***

 **camierose: Thank you. I hate cliffhangers too, but they're certainly effective.**

 **Vernesha95: Sesehihihihihi! Reason to see Chopper indeed.**

 **Lightsbane1905: There is actually a semi-logical reason that Jones survived; I just won't get around to explaining it until we meet up with Kureha and Chopper, because none of the current roster have the medical expertise to do a proper examination.**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you very much. Always glad to hear from you. And yes, an emergency stop at Drum Kingdom is definitely in order.**

 **MilkTree925: *evil grin* Because I can.**

 **Gerbilfriend: How far I have this planned? I started writing this fic because of a gag I want to use when I get to Film Gold. That's how far I have things planned, although with some wiggle room for changes. My plans don't always work the way I think they will, after all.**

 **DemonCatLady: Thank you. And don't worry, Jones will get a break from being my punching bag soon. Not for long, but I need to give someone else a turn— say... Yosaku?**

 **Guest (Apr 18/2): Heh. Here's a chapter with a taste of the reactions you're looking for, although most won't show full-force until Jones is conscious to appreciate them.**

 **AnerianJames: Thank you. I'm glad you liked the rap battle; it was a lot of fun.**

 **Nemrut: I hope I addressed your concerns sufficiently on Spacebattles. And your prediction is partially correct— you've got about half the solution.**

 **avatoa: Through semi-logical shenanigans from a source I'm sure almost everyone has forgotten about at this point.**

 **hufflepuffbadgersdontcare: *evil grin***

 **zafnak: Yes I have read Looking For Group. Or part of it; I'm not caught up yet. And... Who says I would end the story if Jones died? She's started some butterflies, and her death would cause some more at this point, so even if I decided to kill her off, the story could go on. I'd just switch it to third-person focused on Luffy and treat it like a regular AU in that case.**

 **Kebarton: Sadly, none of us have the animation skills to turn the rap battle into a video. There is currently no sequel planned. But I'm glad you like it.**

 **WaterStar45: Yeah, Jones is learning to live outside her comfort zone alright. Staying with the Straw Hats helps her heal. And yes, Jones will eventually have to tackle all the things she pushes to the side— that tendency to avoid thinking about unpleasant things is probably one of her biggest character flaws. Luckily she no longer has to deal with those things alone, even if she hasn't fully realized that yet.**

 **Tetsik: Ah, the much-vaunted Otouto. I'm glad to finally mee— cabbage god? Since when is Blue a cabbage god? I'm confused...**

 **xanothos: Thank you very much. And yes, Jones very much needs to "Get to the Choppah!"**

Luffy paused for breath. Fighting this candle guy was hard! He could only break the wax using other wax- so annoying. Although the candle guy wasn't doing much better; he panted heavily, his weird hair drooping with sweat. And… blood? Why was blood falling from the sky? Rain wasn't made of blood!

The wax guy whimpered and froze, slowly turning in the direction the blood came from. Perfect. Before he could react, Luffy slammed a fist into the wax man's stomach. Mr Three folded over, wheezing, giving Luffy himself enough time to check out where all the blood was coming from. Cold flooded his veins. His crew were over there, trapped; why hadn't he taken care of the dinosaur before fighting the candle man?

Because he'd been expecting someone else to deal with it while he fought the main bad guy. That's how it always happened- when he was little, it had been Ace; more recently, it was usually Zoro and Sanji. Like when he fought Arlong- they took out the martial ray and octo-sword. But Zoro was trapped, and Sanji wasn't here. Neither was Ghin, who would've been his next choice. Shit, shit, shit- if his mistake had hurt his crew mates, he'd never forgive himself.

When he turned, the rubber boy felt his stomach leap with excitement. In front of the giant candle that trapped his friends stood the headless corpse of the attacking dinosaur. Not only was the head off, it was nowhere to be _seen_. Unless all those blood and bone bits were what was left of the head. So someone had blown the dinosaur's head up- cool!

Then the huge body fell sideways, shaking the ground as it fell. Luffy felt his heart sink when he saw what was on the other side- Jones and Vivi, both of them so covered in blood that he couldn't tell if they were hurt or not. They weren't moving, and he could see white bits sticking out of Jones' arm in a strange, painful-looking way. It looked like when Ace broke his arm when he was twelve. That- that wasn't good.

"Well, well, well, it looks like I've got one less of your little friends to worry about." The candle man's voice was annoying; it made him angry. Luffy spun back towards his opponent with an angry snap.

"Gum-Gum Pistol!" His fist slammed into a wax wall that the candle man threw up at the last second. The cold in Luffy's veins was replaced by heat, anger. He was glad that he didn't think too much; the candle man's tone implied something that he _really_ didn't want to think about.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carue run towards Usopp. The sniper stood frozen in the edge of the forest, staring at the dead dinosaur. He had a coil of oiled rope slung over one shoulder and a bundle of kindling tucked under his other arm, although he appeared to have forgotten about both. The little girl who'd been sitting with Jones earlier was tugging on the gunner's overalls, trying to get him to snap out of it. And then Ruatha keened.

"SHAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Clapping his hands over his ears to block out the piercing noise, the rubber boy leapt over shards of flying wax. Dragon cries hurt! Luffy snapped his feet at the candle man as he rolled through the air, hoping to pierce that annoying defense. "Gum-Gum Spear!"

He was blocked again. Mr Three snickered as the young captain landed and flipped upright. "It's only a matter of time, boy. Soon you'll be joining that little friend of yours." He formed a blade of wax and swung it at the young captain.

Luffy ducked under the attack and darted in close. Maybe he could make it so the candle man didn't have time to block him. "What does that mean? Gum-Gum Pistol!"

"Wax Mecha!" Mr Three covered himself in less than a second, white wax flowing over his skin to form a suit of thick armour. So cool! Luffy shook his head as his fist bounced away; he couldn't let himself get distracted. The candle man snorted at him. "Please, you may be an idiot, but surely even _you_ can understand. She's dead. And soon the rest of you will be as well."

No! No, that was impossible! Jones promised she wouldn't. "You're lying! Gum-Gum Rifle!" Luffy twisted his arm as he flung it back, so his fist spun into its target with a resounding smack. That did what none of his other blows had, cracking the thick wax. But it still wasn't enough. Wouldn't be enough, not until he could slap the smug leer off that wax bastard's face.

"Qua-wack!" Luffy glanced back to see Carue and Ruatha nudging Usopp, who was still frozen. But the gunner _couldn't_ be frozen; he was the only one around to get the others out. Luffy growled and snapped another Gum-Gum Rifle forwards, this time hitting and actually shattering Mr Three's wax sword.

"Usopp! Whatever you're doing, get moving!"

"But- But Jones is-!" Knees quaking, voice trembling… Usopp looked like he could barely stand.

"And if you don't have a plan, the rest of us will be too!" That was Nami, voice clogged and raspy with the wax she was breathing.

That- plus a bit of a kick from Carue- made the gunner move. He jumped astride the duck and rode forwards, wrapping his oiled rope around the base of the Doom Candle and scattering kindling across its surface. He avoided throwing sticks near where Jones and Vivi were lying though. Then he tried to strike a match- several times. Usopp's hands were shaking so badly that the first few broke between his fingers. It was the fifth match that finally caught, a spark of orange against green and brown. The gunner threw it; seconds later, flames raced along the oiled rope. They caught on the kindling, and then the wax, melting the great construction from the base.

A spiked gauntlet of wax slammed into the side of Luffy's face, his punishment for taking a few seconds to check on his crew. He snarled and grabbed the extended arm. If punching and kicking wasn't going to work, maybe throwing would. Or… Snarl morphing into a victorious grin, the rubber boy twisted and flung his wax-covered opponent into the expanding pyre. Orange light and heat washed over the glen; Mr Three screamed. Normally he didn't like making people hurt, but for a few minutes, Luffy couldn't bring himself to care much.

Anyone who could laugh at his crew being hurt didn't deserve mercy from him.

Skin red and boiling, hair smoking, the candle man emerged from the flames. His spiked armour was melting off, dripping from him in great globs that hissed when they hit the ground. A small flame had caught on the assassin's number-shaped hair. It grew brighter as the candle man flung out a wave of wax to try and trap Luffy. But the heat of the fire, growing ever stronger, kept the wax from solidifying. The rubber boy slogged through the hot white liquid, pounding his knuckles together. It burned his skin; rubber hardened and blistered from the heat. But if this was what it was doing to him, Luffy didn't want to think how it was hurting his friends as it melted.

"Gum-Gum Pistol!" The candle man tried to fling up another wall to stop the blow, but it wouldn't remain solid. Luffy's fist punched through more hot wax to slam into his opponent's jaw. Mr Three staggered back.

"But," the candle man stuttered, "But you're just a dumb kid! You can't beat me!"

Luffy didn't answer. His only response was to slam a kick into the side of Mr Three's head. When that didn't immediately yield victory, the young captain flung his fists forth in a storm. "Gum-Gum Gatling!"

Smack! Smack, smack! Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack! By the time Luffy was done, Mr Three's face bloomed black and green with bruises, and blood dripped from his nose. A tooth flew into the jungle as Luffy's final punch crashed into his opponent's jaw. A strangled, pathetic whimper emerged as the assassin tried to fling wax again. It melted even as it left his hand. Luffy bared his teeth in a threatening grin; Mr Three whimpered again and fell sideways, unconscious.

As soon as the man hit the hot, waxy ground, the rubber boy started moving. He hid his face in his elbow so he didn't have to breathe the increasing smoke, and grabbed the nearest person from the edge of the Doom Candle. Zoro. Luffy hauled his bosun out of the sticky, burning morass and dragged him out to the edge of the jungle. As he deposited Zoro on a log, he saw Usopp and Carue pulling Nami free. Diving back in, Luffy grabbed for Johnny and Yosaku, while the sniper and duck went for Jack and Mairead. Vivi and Jones were last, mostly because of the difficulty of getting them unstuck from each other and the dead dinosaur.

Soon everyone was laid out under an arching fern, far enough from the heat that no one would burn. Not that they hadn't already; everyone had blisters rising on their feet and ankles at the very least. The fern also provided them some protection from the waxy dust still floating in the air. Dry, rattling coughs as his crew mates hacked up globs of wax made the young captain wince. He knew it was inevitable, but he didn't like seeing his friends in pain.

One by one, Luffy checked his crew to make sure they were alright. Except they weren't; aside from the burns and coughing, everyone bore a number of injuries. Usually head wounds and assorted bruising- it looked like Mr Three had attacked people from behind. Sneaky assassin bastard. Zoro had great jagged slices across his ankles from trying to free himself, and Vivi looked like she's been tossed around by some huge animal before Mr Three got her. Luffy wondered if it was the dinosaur. But those injuries were all treatable; Nami had a bunch of bandages with her. The sailing master started distributing those as soon as she had stopped coughing herself.

Off to the side, Usopp was moving on autopilot. The gunner had a thick torch, lit in the blazing candle fire, that he was using to melt the wax nails and gags holding Dorry and Broggy. It took only a few minutes for the giants to fall free, flexing their limbs as blood dripped from the piercing wounds. Not that they bled long; the fire and hot wax cauterized the injuries. As soon as he was free, Dorry marched over and kicked the central part of the Doom Candle over to melt in the flaming pool of the base. That made breathing much easier, as there was no longer a cloud of wax flakes falling from the sky.

Sanji and Ghin appeared from opposite directions not long after the candle fell. The cook was dragging a dead dinosaur with a spiked tail, while the older pirate had a pair of great winged beasts. Zoro growled at the sight of them. Luffy smiled; right, hunting contest. Poor Zoro hadn't had a chance to catch anything, had he?

"What happened here?" Sanji lit a cigarette from the massive wax fire.

"We fought a wax bastard from those Bark Works guys." Luffy stuck out his tongue. Even after knocking him out, he was _still_ annoyed at Mr Three's stupid wax wall powers. "He tried to catch everybody, but Usopp melted them out. And there was a dinosaur! I don't know what happened, but its head's gone." The rubber boy waved an arm at the titanic body burning in the wax.

Vivi shook off her shell-shocked expression, bowing her head. "That was my fault. When- when I was looking for Mairead, a Tyrannosaurus came after me. I hurt its eye, and it backed off for a while, but I guess it followed me…" The princess' voice was quiet and hollow, like her mind was somewhere far away. Luffy frowned and went back to checking everyone's injuries. Not that he knew how to treat any of them, but he wanted to at least know…

He'd saved Jones for last, because what Mr Three said scared him. She couldn't be- could she? Luffy winced as he looked. Purple had been replaced by crusty red-brown, the otherworlder's shirt in tatters. She looked crushed and broken, her ribcage deformed, bone poking through the skin of one arm, holes in her back and shoulder. Where before Luffy had thought that most of the blood came from the headless dinosaur, there was no doubt that a lot of it belonged to his unmoving crew mate.

No… No, no, no, no, no! Luffy staggered back, tugging his hat lower around his ears. His heart sank. She wasn't moving, wasn't breathing… He'd accepted that he might die on this journey, but not his friends. He was supposed to be _strong_ , strong enough that he'd never lose anyone ever again. That's what he'd said to Ace, back when they'd thought Sabo had died. Sabo being alive didn't change that; Luffy still wanted to protect everyone. He couldn't lose people- if he did, he'd be all alone!

Being strong wasn't enough. But what was? Would he have been able to prevent his crew mates being captured if he was smarter? If he thought like Nami and Jones, as well as being strong? Thinking hurt… But being alone hurt more than anything else. Luffy bit his lip. He couldn't think like Nami and Jones, didn't know the things they knew- but he could think _more_ , think _better_ than he had been. He could do better in his own way- right?

Ghin let out a growling yell as Luffy stepped back, dropping his game to rush over. The older pirate dropped to his knees beside Jones, wordless, frozen. He didn't cry; his face was frozen in a mask of confused anger as he stared at that bloodied chest, waiting for her to do something, anything. No one else moved for several long minutes. They were all too stunned at losing one of their own. Then, abruptly, Ghin rose from where he knelt and pulled a roll of bandages out of his jacket. His jaw clenched, he turned and began tending to Vivi while Nami was busy working on others.

"I'm sor-!"

"Don't," Ghin cut the princess off. His voice was hollow, low, bitter; Luffy doubted they'd be hearing the older pirate sing any time soon. "It's not your fault. She made her choice, just like every other man or woman who takes to the sea." Ghin carefully cleaned and wrapped the bloody wound on the princess' head, his movements rough but gentle. That was how Ghin always was, just like Zoro and Sanji; no matter how the three fought and complained, Luffy saw the care they took with the rest of the crew, and even with each other.

The little girl who'd sat with Jones barely an hour before approached slowly. She was nervous, as if she expected them to attack at any moment. Which was stupid; why would they? Unless she'd had something to do with Jones throwing herself in front of the dinosaur. If that was the case, she would deserve whatever vengeance Ghin wanted to take. Yes, Ghin; Luffy may have been the captain, but he had no illusions about what would happen if he got between the older pirate and someone who'd hurt Jones. Like getting between Ace and Bluejam.

"Is the scary pirate lady gonna be okay?" The little girl bit her lip and clung to a tree, close enough to the crew to see and talk, but too far away for anyone to lunge at her. Ruatha came with her, although the baby dragon bounded past and right up to Jones- Jones' body.

As much as he wanted to, Luffy couldn't deny it anymore. He didn't know a lot about wounds, but Jones' looked bad, too bad. "She's dead… She shouldn't be- she promised she wouldn't- but she's dead…"

And maybe that had been her intention. He thought she'd been happy, travelling with them, but Luffy had to admit he still hadn't known Jones that well. She lied without lying, and kept to herself… Maybe she'd still been hurting and the rest of them hadn't realized it. Maybe _she_ hadn't even realized it.

Zoro grunted, drawing Luffy out of his thoughts. "She _didn't_ promise not to die though. You asked her that, and she said she couldn't. What she promised was that she'd live, and that she wouldn't try to kill herself anymore."

That caused Mairead to freeze and bow her head, a look of horror crossing her face. Luffy opened his mouth to reassure her- he didn't know what, but something had obviously happened between her and Jones- but Zoro beat him to it. "Whatever you're thinking, drop it. No matter how bad Jones was feeling, she wouldn't go back on that promise. She was a liar and a sneak, but she was still a warrior."

Dorry and Broggy, who up until then had been listening silently, nodded in unison. "To break a promise is the greatest dishonour of a warrior."

Squeaking, the strange little girl clung tighter to her refuge tree. She had tears at the corners of her eyes; seconds later, she wiped her eyes with a sleeve, a look of confusion crossing her face. "Why'm I sad? I didn't know her…"

"Death is always sad, Li'l Sis." Johnny and Yosaku moved over to hug the little girl. She squeaked in protest at first, but was unable to escape and had to accept it. The hunters weren't hurting her, so Luffy let them alone. It looked like the hug helped them as much as the little girl anyway; the pair sniffled as they held back tears.

Dorry and Broggy looked at each other, then down at the crew. "We can help you prepare a funeral boat," Dorry offered. "It won't take long; there's lots of good wood and kindling to be found."

"And the little one has her weapons with her," Broggy added, "So even preparing the body won't take long."

Luffy wasn't sure what to make of that. He'd never had to bury anyone before, not even when he'd thought Sabo died. He didn't know how to do it… what a funeral boat was… if Jones would've wanted one. The captain looked at Zoro, Nami, and Usopp, the ones he knew had had loved ones die in the past. Usopp was still in shock, moving like a puppet, and Nami bit her lip as she finished wrapping others' wounds. That left Zoro, the grim-faced champion. No matter what happened, the swordsman would be a rock for the crew, able to make decisions even when Luffy himself couldn't.

"No." Arms folded across his chest, Zoro stared up at the giants. His dark eyes were full of aggressive defiance. "She was a warrior, but she wasn't one of yours. Jones wasn't exactly practical, but she had a purpose for everything and could make anything useful. She wouldn't want us to bury her stuff with her; not if she thought someone could use it."

The bosun's eyebrows creased in an expression of distaste. Luffy agreed; taking stuff from dead bodies was creepy and gross. But Zoro was right. Jones seemed like she'd want her meddling to go on after her death, even if only in the flash of her sais in the hands of another. Above them, the giants shrugged in confusion.

But no one had the courage to touch their dead friend. It took several long minutes before Luffy realized that it would have to be him. He was the captain; he couldn't ask of the others anything he was unwilling to do himself. Not when it came to something like this. Crouching down, the captain reached gingerly to unclip Jones' whip from her right hip. Immediately, he was set upon by tiny teeth and claws. Ruatha snarled and snapped, enraged and terrified. Luffy could only hold the dragon back so much without hurting him; eventually, needle-like teeth closed over the rubber boy's nose.

"OI!" Yanking the dragonet off his face, Luffy pinned the distraught reptile to the ground with one foot. That hurt! But even pinned, Ruatha wouldn't give up. He continued to squirm and snarl, teeth and claws raking at the captain's ankle. Luffy couldn't figure out how to calm the dragon down, and was reduced to wrapping himself around Ruatha to keep the little dragon from hurting anyone.

It was Jack who came up with the answer. The flouncy spy shuddered and stayed as far from Ruatha as possible as he crouched beside Jones' body. "Where's that bandanna the witch always wears? Maybe he'll calm down if you give it to him."

"Probably in one of her pockets," was Nami's quiet reply. "Her snail too, and who knows what else. Easier just to take the belts now and go through them later." The sailing master's voice cracked almost imperceptibly on the word 'take.'

Nodding, Jack began searching for the buckles that held Jones' bandoliers. He also made to grab her necklace, the one with the crew's Jolly Roger on it. Faster than Luffy could blink, Nami whipped out part of her staff to whack the spy on the back of his hand. Jack winced and rubbed his knuckles, frowning up at the sailing master. "What was that for?"

"Don't- don't touch that. It's Jones', not the crew's."

The spy winced again and went back to searching for the bandolier buckles. Then he froze, his fingers on the side of Jones' neck. "I- I don't think I should be doing this at all." Jack pulled back as if he'd burned his hand. Still wrapped around Ruatha, Luffy scowled. His expression was nothing on Zoro's, however. The bosun's glare had achieved a mixture of scorn and storminess that Luffy hadn't known was possible.

"If you're too squeamish to touch a dead body, just say so. It's not like you knew her anyway." Zoro moved in, shoving Jack aside. The spy shook his head rapidly.

"No, no, no! That's not it- she's not dead!"

"What?" Zoro pressed his fingers to the side of Jones' neck. A second later, the swordsman's eyes lit up. "He's right. There's a pulse; not much of one, but it's there."

"Really?" Luffy unwound from Ruatha, allowing the dragon free. The reptile squawked and jumped towards his mother, forcing the captain to grab him again. It wouldn't do to learn Jones was alive only for her to get killed by her own dragon's affection.

"Yeah. But maybe not for long- she's in pretty bad shape." Zoro's fingers came away bloody; he wiped them clean on his pants.

Nami moved in beside the swordsman, performing her own inspection. "Broken arm, several broken ribs, massive blood loss… The fire's probably the only reason she's still alive; I think it cauterized some of the injuries. She could be hurt inside as well though…" Tears. Not many, but there were a few tears at the corners of Nami's eyes. "Zoro's right- Jones won't last long like this. A few days, maybe; a little longer if she's strong, and no infection sets in."

"Can you do anything about it?" Luffy fought back his own tears. Ace didn't like crybabies- and besides, Nami was smart. She would know what to do. But the sailing master shook her head.

"I'm a navigator, Luffy, not a doctor. I can treat minor wounds and illnesses of the sea, but this… We need a doctor. A _real_ doctor."

"Then we'll find one." Everyone turned to look when Vivi spoke up. The princess' voice was shaky, but weirdly strong at the same time. Stronger than Luffy could remember hearing from her before. "There's an island somewhere between here and Alabasta- Drum Kingdom. They have some of the best doctors in the world. If they can't heal Jones, no one can."

"What about your country though?" Sanji asked gingerly. For once there was no trace of his usual flirting and silliness. "I thought we needed to get there as fast as possible to keep those shitty bastards from taking over."

"We- we do." The princess bit her lip, tears welling up. She was shaking; Vivi looked like she could barely stand. It must be a hard decision for her. Luffy stretched to hug her with the arm that wasn't holding Ruatha. She clung to his wrist like a lifeline, but stood strong. "But… Jones is hurt because she ran to protect _me_ , even though we didn't get along. I can't- it wouldn't be right to insist we go on without trying to get her medical care. I'm sorry; so, so sorry."

The princess bowed. Johnny stared at her. "Big Sis Vivi… Big Sis Jones said something before she fell. What was it?"

"She said… She said that she was expendable, and I wasn't." The princess wrung her hands. "But… That's not right. No one is expendable. Not even- She really _did_ mean well, didn't she? Even if I didn't like her methods. And what if she knew something that _actually_ made ending the war easier? Mother Isis, what have I done?"

"It's not your fault." Yosaku assured her. He and Johnny released their hold on the little girl by the tree to pat the princess on the back.

That was… Why would Jones say something like that? Because she came from another world? Because according to her, she wasn't supposed to be here? That was stupid. Luffy scowled. If Jones wasn't already so beat up, he'd give her a good Fist of Love to teach her how stupid it was. No one on his crew was expendable! The rubber boy then paled when he realized he was starting to think like his grandfather. Although if anyone deserved a Fist of Love…

He could always punch Jones when she was healthy again. She deserved it. Luffy grabbed pulled a pen from one of Jones pockets and wrote a note on his arm. _Punch Jones later for calling herself expendable and almost getting herself killed._

Nami sighed heavily. "Even if there _are_ doctors nearby, we can't move her safely. Broken ribs… We have nothing to immobilize her with. They could pierce her lungs if we're not careful. Hell, we don't even have any painkillers."

"Um… I might be able to help with that." The little girl reached into her pocket. Out came a paintbrush, a number of tubes of paint, and a palette labelled 'spare.' She began mixing colours, which made no sense to Luffy. What did paint have to do with painkillers? And more importantly…

"Who even _are_ you?" the rubber boy demanded. His brain ached a little as he stormed over to the little girl. "Are you one of the Bark Works guys- Three's partner? You Bark Works guys always work in pairs, right?"

"Meep!" The little girl flinched away, but didn't stop with her mixing. Whatever colour she was trying to make must be complicated. Then dark brown eyes glared defiantly up at Luffy from under a broad-brimmed hat. "I- I was. My name is Lisa, codename Miss Goldenweek. But Sca- Jones, she saved me from the raptors. If I can help…"

Oh. Luffy didn't sense any lies or hostility in the girl's words, so he backed off. If she meant to help, every little bit was a good thing. And it wasn't like she could do anything to make Jones _worse_ at this point. Although… the rubber boy _still_ didn't understand how paints- no matter the colour- would help anything.

Lisa's tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated. The little girl muttered to herself, not making any sense, as she mixed her paints. "Not green- she might change it unconsciously. I don't wanna deal with _that_ again. But _some_ green for healing and calm… Maybe some extra blue for whatever made her happy earlier… But how do I make something she _can't_ change? I don't know if she'll do it unconsciously…" The little girl's voice faded out as she focused on her art.

 _Come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams! Together we will find everything that we're looking for! One Piece!_

Luffy jumped when music suddenly blared across the glen. It seemed to be coming from- Jones? Green antennae poked out of one of her pockets as the song went on. Right, Jones had a den-den mushi. Not that she could answer it right now… Luffy retrieved the snail with a snap, wondering who could be calling.

"Hi random person! Jones can't answer the snail right now. I'm Monkey D Luffy, her captain and future king of the pirates!"

"Jones, I nee- wait, _Luffy_?" Oh, that was Sabo's voice! "How are you? Are you getting enough sleep? What island are you on right now?"

"It's called Little Garden- there's lots of dinosaurs here. And I sleep fine; after what happened with Jones, Ghin won't let anyone stay up all night." Luffy hummed, happy. He loved hearing his brother's voice. "What about Sabo? Is being a revolutionary fun? What do revolutionaries do, anyway?"

Sabo groaned. "Right now? Paperwork. I have reports to fill out on a dozen different informers and operations I'm authorizing while Dragon's off on his own business." Well, that sounded boring. Luffy was glad he wasn't a revolutionary; he'd be bored out of his mind if he had to do paperwork. "That's actually why I called. Jones hung up before I could ask her earlier- I need a codename for her in order to authorize that op in Drum Kingdom."

Codename? Why would Jones need a codename? Luffy stared at the den-den mushi in confusion. And wasn't Drum Kingdom the place Vivi said they needed to go? The rubber boy glanced up at the princess; she nodded slightly. Frowning, Luffy turned back to the snail. "Why?"

"Your witch, as she calls herself, offered to send information to the army when she knows something we might find to be of interest- her first lead was for an event going on in Drum Kingdom later this week. For her own safety, Jones needs a codename. It's to keep her identity from becoming compromised if anyone without authorization comes into possession of my reports." Sabo sighed. "As much as I like talking to you, Lu, I do need to speak with Jones. If she hadn't hung up on me so quickly earlier, I'd have been able to finish her papers half an hour ago."

Luffy bit his lip, glancing down at the unmoving body below him. "Sorry Sabo. Jones _really_ can't answer the snail right now."

"Lu…" It was wrong, how much he'd missed that. Sabo was _growling_ , like he only had when Luffy and Ace did something _remarkably_ stupid. Like the time Luffy got eaten by a gator, then Ace got eaten trying to get him out, so Sabo had to rescue them both. "What do you _mean_ she can't answer the snail?"

"She's kind of unconscious right now. Nami says she might die if we can't find a doctor." Luffy could barely keep his voice from cracking. Although, this was Sabo, not Ace- Sabo never got angry at him for crying.

"You don't have a-? Urgh, _Lu_ …" Sabo's words were followed by the sound of a skull beating repeatedly against wood. "A doctor should've been one of the _first_ crew mates you picked up! Are you okay? What about the rest of your crew?"

"We're alright…" Luffy glanced around at everyone else. Burns, bruises, cuts, welts… No one was unscathed- not even Sanji and Ghin, who'd been hunting and weren't captured- but they were all moving, breathing. Actually, almost everyone was watching him talk to his brother, except for Zoro, who was keeping an eye on Lisa. The little girl was still messing with her paints. "Everyone's a little beat up, but we're okay. And we _will_ get to Drum, and then Jones'll be okay too."

Sabo sighed. "If you're sure… But look, I _need_ a codename in order to file for this op. If I don't file, pay and resupply won't go to the right cell afterwards, and good men could walk off the job. Not to mention the nightmare that'll happen if one of them needs medical care afterwards."

Blech. Running an army sounded complicated. Luffy frowned. Stupid Jones, getting ripped up by a dinosaur- she needed to be awake to deal with her _own_ sneaky ninja spy business. He wasn't about to do it for her; too complicated. Although… it was nice that she was helping Sabo. "You're gonna have to call later. Or I can get Jones to call you when she wakes up; that might take a few days though."

"Ergh, fine. I'm sure I can hold Koala off for a week or so. Thanks anyway." Sabo's voice softened; the snail stared up at Luffy with his brother's love. "You know Lu, you don't have to wait for me to call. Borrow the snail anytime; I always have time for my little brother."

"Kay. But we've gotta go soon Sabo; we need to get to Drum Kingdom so we can find a doctor." Luffy beamed down at the snail. Sabo squawked and startled; the rubber boy stifled a giggle as he imagined his big brother falling off a chair and losing his hat.

"Drum-? If you're going to Drum Kingdom, why the Hell did Jones call me? She seemed to think you could deal with it if you were there." Then the snail's eyes went wide as Sabo realized something. "Wait, back up- you said you were on _Little Garden_? Do you have an eternal pose for Drum?"

"No." Luffy frowned. He'd never heard of that before, although it sounded sort of familiar. Was it like the log pose that Nami used? "Why?"

"Because it takes a year for an ordinary log to reset on Little Garden! Do you want me to redirect the cell to meet you? They could deliver a spare pose and help you deal with Wapol."

" _Sabo_ …" It was so hard to keep himself from whining, like he had when they were children. But they _weren't_ children anymore. "You can't; I can't. This is _our_ adventure, not yours. You can't meddle."

"Not even to help you save a crew mate's life?"

That made Luffy's heart sink. Because a year was a long time, and if they couldn't find a way to get a doctor quickly… No. He had to have confidence in his crew. They would find a way out of here, get a doctor, and Jones would be healed. Everything would be fine. "I can't Sabo. I'm not a kid anymore; I can't rely on my big brothers all the time. And I'm not alone- I have my crew."

Sabo sighed. "If you're sure… I suppose I'll tell the cell to hold off. They'll still be there though, if you need them. You're sure you can handle this though? How do you plan to get to Drum Kingdom without a proper log?"

Luffy didn't have an answer for that. Luckily, though, Nami did. The sailing master leaned in, one hand on her hip as she poked the snail in the face. Which apparently somehow reached Sabo over the connection, since the den-den mushi reflected a very familiar flinch an instant later. "Easy. We'll just tell Zoro to go anywhere _except_ Drum Kingdom and give him the helm. The idiot couldn't find his head if it wasn't screwed on tight enough, so getting him lost enough to get us where we need to go is a piece of cake. Now shut up and quit back-seat pirating!"

The snail paled. "Oh my god, you have your own Koala." Luffy bit back a giggle. Sabo almost sounded like he'd been told Garp was coming to visit. "It- I have no idea what she means, but knowing your luck, whatever-it-is might actually work. Just… If it doesn't, remember you can call me if you need me, okay Lu? I can have a revolutionary cell at your location in a couple of days if you need help. And even if you're fine… Make sure to call me sometimes. You worry me. I'll talk to you later?"

"Later," Luffy agreed. Then he hung up and put the den-den mushi back in Jones' pocket. The snail hid in its shell- strange, the little thing normally licked people whenever it was taken out. Maybe it could tell there was something wrong too. The rubber captain glanced at his navigator.

"Do you really think your thing with Zoro will work?"

Nami shrugged. "It's worth a try. Unless you want to call your brother back and ask him to send reinforcements."

"Not yet." Luffy sighed, his hat shadowing his eyes as he bit his lip. He hoped he was making the right choice. "The king of the pirates can't go running to his big brother for help all the time, even for something like this. We have to at least try to do it on our own."

"Well said, Captain." Zoro rested a hand on Luffy's shoulder, a comforting weight. The rubber boy nodded grimly. At least he wasn't alone.

A gentle rain started. Large, slow drops fell from the sky, splashing warm water whenever they hit. But the sky was still blue as far as Luffy could see; a sun shower. So pretty… Especially when a rainbow arched across the sky, as one did after a few minutes. The rain put out the wax fire, leaving nothing but the dead body of the dinosaur, and the unconscious form of the candle man.

There was a large booger lodged high in his left nostril; it tickled. Luffy occupied himself for the next several minutes with his finger up his nose, trying to seize the offending booger and cast it out. He'd just succeeded when an excited cry from Lisa surprised him. He jumped onto Zoro's shoulders in shock. The bosun sighed heavily and pried Luffy off, depositing him back on the ground.

"I've got it!" The little girl beamed, holding up her palette for everyone to see. It had a very light, bluish-green colour of paint in the middle, surrounded by flecks of blue, yellow, and white from the mixing. Luffy stared at the paint in confusion. Right, that was a thing… But how was paint like a painkiller, again? No one had ever explained.

"Soothing Seafoam!" Lisa splashed paint across Jones' chest, drawing a strange symbol. The little girl bit her lip and watched for a moment before letting out a sigh of relief. "Good. She didn't change this one."

Okay… "But what does it _do_?" Luffy wanted to know. Needed to know. How could he protect his crew if he didn't know what the things people were doing to them were _for_?

"It keeps her from regaining consciousness, so she won't be in any pain. Hopefully, anyway. I've never tried that colour before, and she's not the easiest subject to begin with." Lisa put her paints away and fiddled with the hem of her skirt.

Johnny and Yosaku bounced excitedly. "Excellent! So it won't hurt Big Sis when we carry her back to the ship!"

"IDIOTS!" Nami whipped her staff together and smashed both hunters over the head. They collapsed on the ground, groaning and clutching their skulls. "Just because she can't _feel_ the pain doesn't mean it won't do damage! We still haven't immobilized her; one wrong move could send those broken ribs piercing through her lungs!"

The hunters squeaked, flinching and crawling away. "Sorry…"

Sanji blew a smoke ring into their faces, sending Johnny and Yosaku into a fit of coughing. "So… How do we do that, then? We don't exactly have anything to make a full-body cast here. That kinda comes with getting a shitty doctor."

"Don't have anything to make a…" Ghin's voice trailed off, his eyes lighting up. And not in a nice way; they were bright red. Luffy pitied whoever had drawn the older pirate's attention. Not for long though. After all, why would he pity the bastard who tried to catch and kill his crew?

Ghin stomped across the melted remains of the wax, steaming from the rain water. He grabbed Mr Three by the front of his shirt and hauled the candle man up, slapping him across the face. It took seven slaps for the assassin to wake up, groaning. His immediate reaction was to puke; Ghin managed to spot this and turn his captive's head, preventing the vomit from hitting him, but it was a near thing. Then the former Krieg pirate shook Mr Three, just to make sure he had the man's attention.

"You… Could you make a full-body cast out of your wax?"

"Yes," the candle man coughed. His voice was ragged and watery. "But why should I? You're my _targets_ ; an assassin never _aids_ his target."

"And do you know what the difference is between me and an assassin?" Ghin's voice was low and dark, barely audible, but it was the most terrifying Luffy had ever heard it. Usopp apparently agreed, as the sniper started shaking like a leaf. "Assassins have targets because assassins sometimes miss. I don't. And I promise you… if Jones dies before we get off this island, so will you."

"You don't scare me!" Mr Three's voice trembled with the lie. Ghin glanced at Luffy; the captain nodded slightly, letting his crew mate know that yes, the candle man _was_ actually scared.

A feral, sadistic grin crossed the former Krieg pirate's face. His grip on Mr Three's shirt tightened. "I don't scare you, eh? Well, we can fix that. You wouldn't have heard of him, but I used to be the combat commander for Don Krieg's crew; I _know_ how to make people fear me."

"Do your worst." The candle man spat in Ghin's face. Luffy winced as his crew mate wiped the spittle away and hoisted Mr Three up, so the agent's feet could no longer touch the ground. The rubber boy had never heard any of his friends sound so _dark_. And the worst part was, Ghin wasn't lying- whatever he was about to do, he'd done it before.

Ghin dragged Mr Three to a nearby stream and plunged the wax man in. Head first, into water as deep as a man's waist; the Baroque Works agent immediately went limp as his Devil Fruit reacted to the water. But that wasn't enough for Ghin. No, the former Krieg pirate held Mr Three's head under for several seconds, until bubbles stopped rising from the candle man's mouth. Then Ghin pulled his victim out, shaking and slapping until Mr Three could breathe again. This happened several times, until the wax man was coughing and sputtering, tears in his eyes.

"Alright, alright, enough! I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop…"

"Then do it." Ghin dragged the candle man back towards the crew and flung him down next to Jones. Mr Three got to work, glancing at the former Krieg pirate every few seconds to make sure he wasn't about to grab him again.

Luffy scowled. That was… sickening. He understood that his crew mate was scared and angry, but _torture?_ No. That was too much. The rubber boy marched over to the tonfa wielder and punched. His fist sank into Ghin's stomach, firing the former Krieg pirate across the glen with a wheeze. Dark eyes stared dazedly up at Luffy as Ghin struggled to get his breath back.

"Don Luf-!"

"No," Luffy interrupted, folding his arms over his chest. "Don't. I know you're angry about what happened to Jones- you're her big brother- but it _wasn't his fault_. And we _don't_ torture people, not even bad guys. If you're gonna kill, do it quickly."

Ghin opened his mouth, closed it, and hung his head. "Aye-aye, Captain."

Nodding, Luffy unfolded his arms and backed off. "Good. As long as you get it. Can't have our rigger doing things like that- next thing you know, we'd be assholes like Krieg and Kuro."

Pale, Ghin nodded. He looked sick. Slowly rising, the rigger leaned against a tree and began cleaning those pistols he never used- violently. But if it calmed him down and kept him from torturing Mr Three again, Luffy was all for it.

A few moments passed in silence. Then the candle man backed away cautiously, twitching as if he expected to be grabbed again. He left behind a shell of wax a couple inches thick that would hopefully keep Jones' ribs from stabbing her lungs. Luffy winced at the thought; that sounded painful. Mr Three shuddered and wrung his hands. "There; it's done. Are you happy now?"

"No. But I'm as close as I'm likely to get for a while." Ghin stomped over and knocked the candle man out with a punch, and well, Luffy couldn't really fault him for that. It wasn't torture, and Mr Three was an _asshole_.

Sanji lit a fresh cigarette, blowing smoke at Zoro. "So, how do we carry her to the ship? With all that shitty wax, she's too stiff to pick up easy, and if we're too rough we might still jostle something."

The swordsman reached over and slapped him, knocking the cigarette to the forest floor. He stomped it out with a growl. "Don't smoke around Jones right now, Shit Cook! She's having enough trouble breathing as is! Go suck on a lollipop or something, if your oral fixation's getting the better of you."

"Oral fix- I'll show you who has an oral fixation, shitty Moss Head!" Sanji launched himself at Zoro, his foot meeting the flat of a blade as the swordsman whipped out _Yubashiri_. The bosun growled.

"That doesn't even make sense, dumbass!" Three swords out, Zoro spun at the cook with fire in his eyes. "Tatsumaki!"

"Oh _really_? Who runs around with a sword in his mouth all the time?" Flipping back onto his hands, Sanji launched a spiralling series of kicks into the bosun's chest. The brawl went on for several minutes, destroying trees and ripping up turf as the pair went after each other- at least until someone else stepped in to stop it. And for once it wasn't Nami or Ghin.

"Big Bros, enough!" Yosaku swept his dadao around through the back of their knees, his unexpected assault knocking both fighters onto their backs. "If you don't reign it in, you're gonna hurt Big Sis more!"

"Plus, Big Bro Zoro's right- you shouldn't smoke around people who're hurt." Johnny had his blade out too, although the blue hunter was shaking a little.

Sputtering, Sanji froze. Johnny and Yosaku had never stood up to him before, leaving the cook unsure how to respond. He eventually settled for stumbling back to sit on a tree stump by his spike-tailed catch. Meanwhile, Zoro huffed and sheathed his swords.

Titanic knees creaked as Broggy knelt down beside them. "Maybe I can help. The little one is small enough to lie on my hand. I could carry her to your ship."

Dorry nodded. "And we could trade for more of your alcohol while we're there. You little ones have some of the best rum I've tasted in years. Not that we've had _any_ rum in years- not many traders land on Little Garden."

"Okay." Luffy didn't like the rum anyway, so if the giants wanted it, that was fine. He didn't know why they had so much of the stuff. Well… Actually, it was probably because the dummies in Whiskey Peak had so much of it when they went pillaging there. Why couldn't all those bounty hunters have had more hot chocolate, or orange juice, or some sort of liquor that tasted like bacon.

…Was that even a thing? It should be.

Broggy laid his hand on the ground so Johnny and Yosaku could load Jones aboard. Usopp went with her as the giant stood, waving his arms and chattering animatedly about somewhere called Elbaf. Luffy smiled at his friend's enthusiasm. Not that he knew what Elbaf was, and he couldn't hear Usopp and Broggy very well once the conversation moved thirty feet above his head, but whatever made his friends happy made Luffy happy. The rubber boy skipped and bounced as he and his crew made their way back towards the _Going Merry_.

There was still a small knot of worry and anger in the pit of his stomach, but Luffy squashed it down. Jones would be fine. They would get to Drum Kingdom and she would be healed, so there was nothing to worry about. And until then, all he could do was enjoy the journey and make sure nothing happened to anyone else on the way.

Sanji and Ghin brought up the rear, retrieving the dinosaurs they'd killed. Zoro snorted and scowled at the sight. Now it was Luffy's turn to comfort his swordsman, patting the bosun on the shoulder. "Don't worry Zoro; I'm sure you'll win the bet next time."

"That's not the point." The bosun folded his arms with a growl, eyeing his rivals. Luffy nodded.

"I know. Sorry."

"I think Ghin wins," Nami piped up offhand. "His may be smaller, but there are two of them, and they were flying." Then the sailing master paled. She clutched her staff, fixing everyone with a glare as she muttered to herself. "I can't believe I just got involved…"

Mairead chuckled; Jack leaned on her with a sigh. The wannabe prince rubbed his temples and tried to pretend he wasn't surrounded by pirates. Luffy shook his head. Some people just didn't understand. Hunting contests like this were a matter of warrior pride! He couldn't count the number of them he'd had- and lost- against Ace. But it wasn't the first time he'd met someone who didn't get it- Dadan acted a lot like Jack every time he and Ace had come home fighting about who'd caught the biggest gator.

"Tiiraaz…" Ruatha crooned sadly, scrambling to try and keep up with everyone. Luffy crouched to pick up the dragon so he didn't fall behind- although why Ruatha wasn't in Broggy's hand with Jones and Usopp, he didn't know. Maybe Jones' pet was catching her stupid? Or maybe there was actually no room? A tail wrapped around the rubber captain's arm as claws dug into his shoulders.

The rubber captain reached up absently to pet the dragon. Ruatha responded with a mournful chirp, burying his face in the back of Luffy's head. At least he didn't try to chew on the hat the way he always did with Jones; she really needed to teach the hatchling to respect precious headwear, rather than to spit at people's faces and hand her things.

It should have surprised Luffy to see that the little Lisa girl was following the crew, but it really didn't. The child kept glancing up at Broggy's hand, biting her lip. Nami noticed too. After a moment, the navigator fell back and offered Lisa her hand. The little girl thought for a moment before taking it.

Nami smiled gently. "Don't worry about Jones; we'll get her to a doctor in time, thanks to your paint and that wax."

"It's not…" Lisa had tears at the corners of her eyes, though she didn't let them fall. Instead, she rubbed her face with the back of her free hand. "She's scary, but she's the first person to protect me since…"

That made Nami frown. "Lisa… Did Mr Three do things to you? Anything that seemed strange or wrong, that you didn't want to do?"

"No. No, he never did anything. He just… He always expected me to act like a grown up, and I don't always know how. I _can_ look after myself, kinda, but being protected was… nice." The little girl looked uncertain; her tone of voice said she was hiding something. But as long as it wasn't a threat to the crew- and it didn't sound like it to him- Luffy would leave it alone.

The ground shook; something moved off to one side. Everyone froze and turned to look. Seconds later, a large green body came barreling out of the ferns, tipped with three horns as sharp as knives. Lisa squealed and dove behind Sanji. "Eee! Not again!"

Johnny and Yosaku jumped aside, brandishing their swords. " _Again?_ What do you mean _again_?"

"A bunch of raptors chased me and Jones earlier!"

"That's not a raptor!" the hunters yelped in unison. It was so cool when they did that. Did they share a brain or something?

Luffy was forced to jump out of the way; the dinosaur seemed to be targeting him. Leaves crunched as he landed. The horned dinosaur spun around in a great crashing arc to come after him again. High above, Dorry drew his sword. The giant hesitated though, as Zoro stepped between his captain and the charging beast. A grim smile crossed the bosun's face.

"This one uses three-sword style- it's mine." Zoro drew his blades in a blur of silver, catching the dinosaur's horns in a block. He flung its head to the side with a twist, bringing his swords around to target its neck when the beast's neck was exposed by the motion. "Tora Gari!"

A splash of blood flew up. There was a loud crash as the dinosaur fell dead, its hulking body collapsing onto one of the giant ferns. Zoro wiped his blades off and sheathed them with a satisfied huff. The bosun shot a smirk at Sanji and Ghin. "Oi, Shit Cook, War Dog, who wins now?"

"Still Ghin," Nami inserted before an argument could start. "Flying game is still the most impressive."

"What?! But he has pistols! _That's_ how he got the shitty flying ones!" Sanji's indignation made Luffy giggle. Nami just shrugged; the cook drooped with disappointment.

Bouncing over, the captain patted his cook on the shoulder. "Saa, it's okay Sanji. You'll get another chance someday. And plus, at least we have lots more meat now! So everyone wins!"

"Heh. Shitty optimist." But Sanji was smiling now, so he didn't mean the insult. Luffy beamed. The cook huffed and moved to light a cigarette. He stopped at the last minute, slipping it back into the case and sighing as he glanced up at Broggy's hand. The rain petered out as the crew moved through the jungle.

X

They were almost back at the _Merry_ when Usopp let out a yell. "Something approaching on the horizon! It's coming in fast!"

"Probably those Unlucky animals," Sanji huffed. "Crocodile said he'd be sending them in that call Jones and I overheard."

Jack and Mairead looked nervous. "I know the witch said she made friends with them," the wannabe prince said, fiddling with his scarf, "But will that hold if she's not up for them to talk to? If not, we should hide."

"That's stupid," Luffy informed him. They'd be fine; any friend of Jones wouldn't attack his crew. Lisa shot him a disbelieving look.

"You're not worried about the Unluckies? Not even a little?" She was still holding Nami's hand. Luffy chuckled and reached over to ruffle the little girl's hair. She pouted at him as she straightened her hat.

"Nah, I'm not worried. Jones said they're friends, and I trust her. And even if they were lying to her, we can take out a couple animals any day. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"If you say so…" Lisa didn't look convinced. Neither did Jack and Mairead. All three tried to make themselves inconspicuous a few minutes later, when a large shadow flew overhead. It changed direction and began spiralling down, prompting the three agents to partially conceal themselves in nearby brush. Vivi stared at them dully, but held her fully visible position.

Heavy wingbeats nearly blew Luffy's hat off as the largest vulture he'd ever seen came down and landed in front of the crew. Ruatha hissed when they came close; Luffy grabbed the dragon's snout like Jones did when she wanted him to be quiet and not attack people. The otter on her back held up a sign, a frown of confusion on his furry face. _Hello weird pirates. Why's Miss Goldenweek with you?_

So cool! Luffy's eyes tingled when he saw that; his face split with a wide grin. He didn't know otters could write! "Hey! You're awesome and fluffy- join my crew!"

The otter responded with a flat stare. No writing… Then a staff slammed into the back of Luffy's head. Rubbing the resulting lump, the rubber boy twisted his head around to face Nami. "What was that for?"

"You can't just go asking random creatures if they'll join the crew! They might have a nest or something- and they're still working for Crocodile. Even if they're friends, we can't trust them completely; they might let something slip."

"Okay…" The rubber boy pouted. Seconds later, a new sign from the otter drew his attention.

 _You didn't answer my question, hoser._

"She's here because she likes us better than that wax asshole." Zoro rested one hand on the hilts of his swords, an implied threat. "You got a problem with that?"

 _Not really._ The otter shrugged. _I never liked Mr Three either. Stuck up hoser… Always thought he was the smartest person in the room; he didn't have any respect for anyone else. Let me guess- this is another thing my friend in purple won't want me to tell Crocodile about?_

"Yes!" That frantic squeak was Usopp's. The sniper peered over the edge of Broggy's hand, shaking visibly. Luffy was impressed that his friend could read the otter's signs from that far away.

Snorting, the otter and vulture looked around. _Fine. Now, since the giants are alive and one's carrying a body wrapped in wax, I take it you've beaten the candle hoser?_

Luffy nodded. "Yeah. He tried to catch us, but we didn't let him. He's over that way somewhere if you need him." The rubber boy waved back the way his crew had come. "I knocked him out, then Ghin woke him up and knocked him out again, so he might not be able to talk for a while though."

 _That's fine. All we're supposed to do is drop this off. He doesn't need to be conscious for it._ The otter pulled a strange object out of his jacket, like a cross between a log pose and an hourglass. It was labelled 'Alabasta.' Seeing that, Luffy's eyes lit up.

"Hey! Is that one of those eternal pose things?"

 _Yes._

"Cool! Do you have one for Drum Kingdom?" If they did, it would make finding the place so much easier. Pain bloomed along the side of Luffy's head as Nami hit him again.

"So you won't ask your _brother_ for help, but you're fine asking an otter and a vulture who _work_ for a man who's ass you've decided to kick?" The sailing master's eyes glowed scarlet. She was lucky Zoro had killed the horned dinosaur that seemed to like red so much.

"Yep. That's right."

"Argh! You make no sense!" Nami hit him in the head again. How did she make that hurt? She was almost as bad as Grandpa! Luffy scowled at his navigator.

"Stop it… And I do so make sense!" Edging away from Nami, he clung to the brim of his hat.

"Oh really? In what world?"

Not having an answer for that, Luffy looked off to the side and started whistling. He didn't have to explain himself! Luckily, before Nami could come after him again, the otter and vulture intervened. Or rather, the otter nodded while the vulture fluffed up her wings and hissed.

 _No, we don't. We only have spare poses to islands with a strong Baroque Works presence. Why?_

"We need a doctor." Ghin stepped between Luffy and Nami. The dinosaurs he was carrying smelled like fish and overripe fruit; it made the captain hungry. "Jones got hurt- bad."

 _Jones… That's the purple one who groomed me, right?_ The otter shook his head. _Too bad. I liked her. I'm sorry we can't help._

Luffy huffed and grabbed Ruatha before the dragon could lunge at the otter. Did Jones' dragon know how to read? Maybe he'd picked it up while she was teaching Ghin. Or maybe Ruatha just didn't like otters for some reason. The rubber boy passed the dragon off to Vivi- in part to get Ruatha further from the Unluckies, and in part to give the princess something to do. She appeared to be in a bit of shock or something, staring into space. She still did that after being given the dragon, but at least she held onto him and patted his head, distracting Ruatha from his squirming.

Glancing at the princess gave Luffy an idea. "Can you at least give us the Alabasta pose?" he asked the otter. "We need to go there too, and quick. And Vivi says Drum's somewhere between here and Alabasta anyway, so if we follow the Alabasta pose, it _might_ take us near Drum."

Everyone stared at him for a moment. He wondered why. A dried booger tickled the inside of his nose; Luffy dug it out while waiting for his crew to come out of their weird episode of shock and say something. In the end, it was Johnny who did. "Big Bro… Did you just say something _smart_?"

"I dunno. I'm right though, right?"

Everyone nodded slowly. Yosaku seemed mystified. Why? Just because he didn't _like_ thinking didn't mean he _couldn't_. Getting Jones to a doctor, getting to Alabasta to save Vivi's kingdom… those were important.

The otter and vulture cocked their heads to the side. _I suppose we could. Or… We need to go back that way anyway, so we could always lead you. We_ do _need to leave the pose for Mr Three; if he doesn't show up- or if he calls saying he didn't receive it- Mr Zero will become suspicious._

"Okay!" Luffy beamed. "Thanks Otter Man!" The rubber boy shoved the otter's hood back so he could scratch all that thick, fluffy fur. Jones said otters liked being scratched, right?

A sharp beak tore a line along Luffy's arm; the vulture hissed and fluffed her feathers, half-flaring her wings. He winced at the sting, but otherwise ignored the assault. Harder to ignore was the sign the otter held up after a few moments. _You need more practice giving scratches. And longer fingernails._

"I'd get more practice if you joined my crew." Even before the animals shot him a flat, unamused look, Luffy knew that was a pretty lame bribe. But he had to try- the writing otter was cool!

 _No. We will lead you because I like your Jones and don't want her to die, but that's it._ The otter slapped Luffy with one of his signs. It didn't hurt, but it did send his head snapping back for a second. _Now, give us a few minutes. We'll meet you back at your ship after we check Mr Three's status._

Heavy wings nearly knocked the young captain over as the two agents took off. Jack and Mairead sighed and sagged with relief. The giants stared in confusion; while Broggy remained mostly steady in order to not dump his passengers, Dorry took off his helmet to scratch his head. "Am I dreaming, or can that little otter write?"

Broggy shrugged and nodded. "This _is_ the Grand Line; even after living here more than a hundred years, you're bound to see something new at least once a week."

A few minutes of walking later, they were back at the _Going Merry_. Broggy knelt down to lay Jones on the deck while Usopp jumped down beside her. The rest of the crew climbed aboard; Luffy scrambled below decks to get some rum for the giants. This earned a growl of protest from Zoro. But he'd get over it; they still had lots of other stuff to drink.

"Here you go!" Each barrel was probably only the size of a mug for the giants. That was… actually kind of sad. There were lots of places someone that big wouldn't fit; it must get lonely sometimes. But Luffy didn't dwell on that as he presented the rum with a smile. "Thanks for helping get Jones to the ship, and telling cools stories- and lunch! I hope your duelling goes well, and you get to go home to Elbaf soon."

Usopp nodded. "Yeah! It sounds amazing… Where _is_ Elbaf, anyways?"

"Gababababababa! Planning to go there someday, little one?" When Usopp nodded, Broggy continued. "It'll take a while for you to get there- Elbaf's way out in the New World."

"That's fine! I don't care how long it takes." The gunner had stars in his eyes. "Someday I'm gonna be one of the greatest, bravest warriors on the sea- going to the land of warriors is part of that!"

"Gyegyagyagyagyagya!" Dorry patted Usopp on the head. "I like your spirit, little one. When you get there, tell them you're a friend of ours; it should get you a warm welcome."

"Thanks!" The sniper beamed and rubbed his nose, but for once the action didn't seem to be a sign of nervousness. More… excitement.

Sanji scowled at Zoro as the cook, the bosun, and Ghin laid out their dinosaur catches on the deck. "Oi Moss-Head. Help me butcher these things so I can fit 'em in the fridge."

"Don't order me around Swirly-Brow!" Despite what he said, the swordsman did exactly as he was told. Luffy's mouth watered at the sight of all that meat. But first…

"Where're we gonna put Jones? I don't wanna leave her all alone in the hold when she's like this." His crew came before food- although he _was_ hungry.

"We can set up a cot in the back of the galley," Nami offered. "That way she's somewhere we can easily check on her." _In case things get worse_ was left unspoken, but Luffy could hear it hanging in the air.

Lisa fiddled with the hem of her skirt. "I- I can stay with Jones and keep an eye on her."

Oh right, the girl was still with them. Luffy stared at her, cocking his head to the side as he thought. She had an interesting power, if a little scary- he didn't understand how her paints changed people's thoughts, but anything that messed with heads could be scary. Lisa was dangerous… But she seemed trustworthy. She also seemed to like Jones, so Luffy felt fine leaving her with his unconscious crew mate. "Okay."

The little girl nodded, a small, sad smile on her face. She followed Ghin as he gently maneuvered Jones' wax cocoon into the galley. Johnny started to follow as well, but Ghin growled and glared at the blue hunter, forcing him to back off. Luffy winced. Hopefully the rigger would calm down soon; being angry at everything wouldn't help Jones get better, or get them anywhere any faster.

Unexpectedly, Ruatha didn't go after Jones. Instead, the dragon curled around Vivi's shoulders and crooned sadly. The princess sat down and leaned back against her duck, deep in thought. Neither even reacted when the Unluckies came down like a fluffy falling star to land on the rails.

"SCREEEEEEEEEEEE!" The vulture's cry made Johnny jump into Yosaku's arms; the green hunter rolled his eyes and deposited his partner off to one side. Usopp flinched stiffly, trying not to let the giants see his fear.

 _Alright. Your story adds up; we'll guide you. Hopefully if Mr Zero finds our delay suspicious, he'll believe we fell in battle against you._ The otter jumped down from the vulture's head and ran along the rail to the figurehead. He pulled an eternal pose out of his jacket and pointed with his tail as he held up a sign. _It's that way_.

Luffy scowled. "Hey! That's _my_ spot!"

Tiny, dark eyes glared back at him. _Do you want our help or not?_

"Yes!" Fine, if it meant that they'd know where to go, he could share his spot with the otter for a while. Luffy folded his arms and pouted. Just because he was doing it didn't mean he was happy about it though. Nami patted him on the head; he shrugged it off and rushed to the rail, jumping up and leaning out over the side as he clung to the rigging with one hand. His other hand held his hat on as a stiff breeze rose up.

"Zoro, raise anchor! Johnny and Yosaku, mainsail! Jack, Mairead, mizzen! Usopp, to the crow's nest! Sanji, man the helm! Let's go!"

Everyone raced to their positions; Dorry and Broggy waved as the _Going Merry_ 's sails unfurled and the little caravel made her way back down the river. Luffy giggled. Even with one crew mate laid up, he couldn't help but be eager for the next adventure. Besides, he was sure Jones would be fine. He had faith in her. Beside him, a vulture huffed and squawked.

It was too bad she couldn't write like the otter. Luffy didn't understand vulture-speak.

The _Going Merry_ was about three boat-lengths from the island when the sea began to move. Waves rippled out from a point near the horizon; they grew higher by the second, rocking the ship when they reached her. A shadow moved under the water. Something was coming- something big. As it approached, the waves rocking the _Merry_ continued to grow. Then there was a great sucking splash, and a wall of orange and white scales emerged from the sea. It was the largest fish Luffy had ever seen, enough to give even Laboon a run for his money. The rubber boy wondered how a goldfish could get so big- and more importantly, if such a huge goldfish was edible. Not that they could carry it on the ship, not when the fish was large enough to swallow the _Merry_ whole, with each scale larger than the galley table.

Mouth gaping wide, the fish rushed towards the little ship and the island behind her. Luffy wondered if he should tell Usopp to run for the cannon- but no, that wouldn't do anything. Even if the sniper got there in time, the fish was too big. A silly little cannonball wouldn't hurt it. So… What could they do?

"It's coming straight for us!" Usopp yelled from the crow's nest. Nami responded by throwing an empty bottle at him.

"Thank you Captain Obvious!"

"Hey! I'm the captain!" Luffy spun his head around to frown at his sailing master. She just sighed and shook her head, too far away to hit him with her staff for once. So she threw a bottle at _him_ too.

"Then give us orders, _captain_. How should we deal with _that_?" Nami's words were punctuated by a hollow thud as the bottle bounced off Luffy's head. Unlike her punches and her staff, it didn't hurt. Although he did wonder where the empty bottles were coming from.

"I don't know! Can we eat it?"

Luffy's question was met with a resounding " _ **NO!**_ " from every person in earshot.

The goldfish was almost upon them now, so close he could count its teeth. Cool! He didn't know goldfish had teeth! Although it was hard to tell from the little ones… They were too small to see. For a moment, Luffy thought he could smell the fish's breath as it bore down on them, but that was silly. Even he knew fish didn't breathe air. Still, _something_ smelled like rotting shellfish and bird poop.

"Hold on, little ones!" Dorry and Broggy stomped out into the shallows, weapons drawn. The two giants stood on either side of the river mouth, the _Going Merry_ centered between them, as they settled into fighting stances.

"The Island Eater is too big for you to handle at this point," Broggy stated. "Leave everything to us."

Dorry nodded. "Just keep your ship sailing straight ahead, and take care she doesn't founder. The waters will be a bit rough in a minute."

Then both giants roared together. " _ **HAKOKU SOVEREIGNTY!**_ "

Twin arcs of silver flashed as the enormous sword and axe swung. Blades of air whipped past the _Going Merry_ ; Luffy could see them cut trenches along the water. So cool! He wondered if anyone with a blade could do that, or if you had to be a giant. Maybe Zoro, Johnny, and Yosaku could learn someday? Wait- hadn't Hawky done something like that at the restaurant? That meant Zoro should definitely be able to do it!

Blood. For the second time that day, blood rained from the sky as the huge fish was ripped apart. Luffy was so glad of his hat; it kept the blood from getting in his eyes- although it would take _forever_ to clean it out of the straw later. The segments of fish splashed sideways, sinking beneath the water. That created even more waves to rock and pull at the _Merry_ , along with a couple of minor whirlpools that tried to draw her under for a few seconds- the fish was _that_ big. All around them, the water ran red.

What a waste of meat. If only the _Going Merry_ was bigger, they could've taken some of that with them.

Tremendous splintering, shattering noises filled the air; metal and wood rained from the sky to join the blood. Luffy clapped his hands over his ears and glanced back at the giants. Dorry's sword and Broggy's axe were gone, leaving their wielders holding a hilt and a jagged haft, respectively. Splinters the size of forks littered the surf, floating amongst shards of steel like bladed plates.

That was… Luffy saw Zoro bow his head for a moment, as if the weapons themselves were warriors falling in the line of duty. And maybe they were- if the _Going Merry_ could have a spirit, why couldn't a well-loved blade? The rubber captain winced and stopped that line of thought before it made his head hurt.

"Thanks Giant Guys!" Luffy waved his hat in farewell as the _Merry_ slipped through the reddened waters. Dorry and Broggy waved back, enormous grins on their faces.

"You're welcome little ones! Good luck!"

"Remember to tell everyone we're okay when you get to Elbaf, and that we'll be coming home as soon as we can!"

X

The wind was quick and sure for the rest of the day, and even into the night. _Merry_ strained beneath their feet, her lines humming as her hull creaked. It was as if the ship herself was in a hurry to get to the next island. Or maybe Luffy was just imagining things; having one of his crew in a coma left him a little on edge. Okay, a lot on edge. He'd only been able to eat two servings of dinner before he felt nauseous.

He was still better off than Ghin and Lisa though. Neither of them had eaten at all; the little girl refused to leave Jones' side, while the rigger wandered aimlessly around looking like he was going to kill something. No one was willing to approach him except Vivi, and even the princess couldn't meet Ghin's eye. Tendrils of bright blue hair hung uneven about her face as the princess bowed and stared at the deck.

"I'm sorry. I know you say Jones made her choice, but it was still my fault… She got hurt saving _me_. Even after how I treated her… I was wrong."

"Not me that needs to hear it." Ghin's voice came out a growl. Vivi- and everyone standing within earshot, for that matter- flinched.

"I- I know that! But saying it to Jones won't do any good until she wakes up!" The princess froze, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down. Ruatha- who seemed to have attached himself to Vivi in Jones' absence- crooned consolingly. "I'm sorry… It's just so hard. I'm trying to find a way to save my kingdom and then along comes Jones- she knows things, and it seems like she could figure out what I need so easily, but she _won't_ or _can't_ and it's confusing, and she reminds me of Crocodile because she's so _cold_ and _quiet_ when it comes to strategy, but someone like Crocodile wouldn't have saved me… I'm scared."

For a long moment, Ghin simply stared at the princess. Then he sighed and pulled a cloth out of his pocket. "Come here."

His sudden order had the opposite of its intended effect, as Vivi took a step back in surprise. "What? Why?"

"You still have blood on your face." Still scowling, Ghin wet the cloth ad stalked over to grab Vivi. Luffy got a short look at the princess' face as she reflexively tried to jerk out of the rigger's grip. Twelve spots of dried red-brown, spattered unevenly across her forehead. That had to be uncomfortable. They didn't last much longer though; Ghin wiped them off with the same ease of practice that Makino used when Ace and Luffy used to get dirty.

"You're awfully good at that for a war dog," was Sanji's dry observation. The rigger responded with a growl- although at least he didn't start a fight.

"It's just like being back with the gang. Tippy used to get herself in messes all the time." Ghin offered no further explanation. Once Vivi's face was clean of blood, the former Krieg pirate found himself a corner to sit and glare in. No one disturbed him again- although Luffy wanted to know who this Tippy person was. But he probably shouldn't ask when Ghin was mad like this.

Well, it was getting on time to go to bed anyway. Before heading below decks, Luffy ducked into the galley to check on Lisa and Jones. Not that he could see much of the elder, since she was all wrapped in wax… As for the little girl, she had already fallen asleep where she sat, leaning forwards to rest her arms and head on the shell that protected Jones' chest. Smiling, the rubber captain retrieved a clean blanket from the laundry and wrapped it around the little artist's shoulders. She would be uncomfortable enough when she woke up; he didn't want her to be cold too.

When he made his way down into the men's quarters, Jack was already there. The wannabe prince looked at Luffy funny, like he'd swallowed a fishbone or something. "Why're you being nice to Miss Goldenweek so quick? You took forever to warm up to me'n Miss We- Vivi."

"We were trying to help Vivi keep her cover," Luffy shrugged, "Or something like that. I didn't really get it. And why wouldn't I be nice to Lisa? She's just a little kid, and she said her paint's helping Jones."

"She's an assassin! They can _lie_ , you know!"

The rubber boy considered that for a moment, then shook his head. He was _sure_ Lisa didn't mean to hurt anyone. And that she _believed_ her paints were helping, at least. "Nah. I'd be able to tell. Just like I'd know if the otter and vulture were bad guys."

"That's another thing I can't believe," Jack grumbled. "How can the Unluckies be allies? Miss Friday's a violent gun nut, and Mr Thirteen's a bloodthirsty little git who probably has rabies."

 _I do not._ Luffy giggled as a sign slashed across Jack's face, leaving a long paper cut on the fop's cheek. _And you take that back about my partner. Being an excellent huntress with a fine eye for armaments doesn't make her a violent nut._ The otter stood on the arm of the couch, glaring with folded arms.

"Eek! What're you doing here?!" Jack flinched away from the animal, making Luffy laugh harder.

 _It's too dark to sail any further, and everyone's getting ready for bed. I came here to sleep._ The otter looked around. _So… Where's my spot?_

Oh. Oops; Luffy hadn't thought of that. Well… "Where'd you wanna sleep?"

Thinking for a moment, Mr Thirteen eventually decided that he'd prefer to curl up on the couch. He took his coat off and draped it over himself like a blanket, his sleek body forming a dark ball with his face mashed into the backrest. The otter's paws wedged into the crack between the cushions in a way that looked uncomfortable even to Luffy. Mr Thirteen appeared to like it though. So the rubber boy sighed and made his way to his hammock. The rest of the men of the crew arrived one by one not long after.

…He couldn't sleep. Time passed like it was stuck in syrup. Luffy tossed and turned, threw his blankets off only to snatch them right back- nothing helped. The rubber boy groaned. Why couldn't he sleep? He was tired from exploring and fighting… But the same knot in his stomach that kept him from enjoying dinner now seemed to be shooting lightning through his bones, keeping him awake. After a few minutes of this, someone threw a pillow at him.

"If you're gonna make so much shitty noise, go somewhere else," Sanji muttered sleepily. Luffy winced and complied. He didn't want to keep his crew mates up and make them feel bad tomorrow. So the young captain headed back up onto the deck.

Miss Friday shot him a sleepy glare as he passed her. The vulture had situated herself on an unused coil of rope in the middle of the deck, rather than going down to the girls' room. Once she'd decided that Luffy posed no threat, she tucked her head back under her wing.

Usopp was on watch; Luffy could hear him humming up in the crow's nest. So the young captain climbed up to see his friend, not wanting to be alone. When Luffy popped his head up over the edge of the crow's nest, Usopp squeaked. Clutching at his chest, the gunner shot his captain a hurt look.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that!" The sniper shook and scowled, rubbing his nose to collect himself. "I could've shot you!"

Since Usopp wasn't holding his slingshot, Luffy wasn't sure about that. Although the gunner _was_ pretty quick on the draw. The captain pouted. "I didn't _mean_ to scare you…"

"Scare- I'm not scared!" Usopp probably thought he was snarling, but the way his voice rose was just silly. Luffy grinned.

"Shishishishishi! You're funny!"

Sighing, Usopp shook his head. "I give up… So, why're you up so late? You don't have a watch tonight."

Luffy flipped up and over the edge of the crow's nest to sit beside Usopp. "Can't sleep. I'm worried about Jones. I'm the captain- I should've been able to protect my crew."

"You- you can't be everywhere though. Don't beat yourself up about it." Usopp bit his lip and glanced around at loss. Then he snapped his fingers. "Hey! I know! How about I tell you one of the stories Broggy told me? Maybe that'll take your mind off it, help you sleep."

Well, it was worth a try. Luffy nodded and leaned back against the side of the crow's nest. He always _did_ love stories- they reminded him of nights spent with Ace and Sabo when he was little. Sabo used to tell the best stories… Usopp grinned and cleared his throat before getting started.

X

 _Once upon a time, there was a young man named Thor. He was a good man, strong of arm and will, with hair that glowed like fire. Though young, Thor was already considered a great hunter and warrior, and was never seen without his mighty hammer Mjolnir. The people loved him for his strength and good humour, for though he was fierce, he was jolly and much prone to aiding those who could not defend themselves._

 _When not occupied with combat and merrymaking, the young warrior was content to fish near his home village. One day not long after Thor had entered his four-and-twentieth year, however, he landed a catch that was too much for his faering. The little boat shook as Thor heaved against the unmoving beast; his rod bent near in half. Thor emerged the victor just before the wood could snap, drawing up the head of the creature with a mighty heave. But what he had caught was no fish._

 _Instead, the young warrior had landed a great serpent. Its head was many times the length of his faering, perhaps many times the length of a great knarr. The serpent itself was of such great girth that Thor found its length impossible to guess. Surely such an immense beast was capable of circling the globe._

 _The young warrior felt a thrill of fear run through him. Not for himself; no, Thor never feared what might happen to him. What the serpent could do to his village, though… It was so close, and there were so many children there, so many elderly who could no longer fight. So Thor sought to scare the beast away. He brandished Mjolnir with a mighty yell, the death cry of so many wolves and bears that had approached his people in hunger. But the serpent did not turn and flee like most creatures. Instead, it released its own thunderous shriek as it took battle to Thor._

 _For three days and three nights they fought. The serpent could not get past Thor's guard; for all its size, its attacks lacked speed and finesse. Yet with only his faering for a platform, Thor could not land a decisive blow either. And so the two combatants remained locked together until both were exhausted and near spent._

 _But the serpent was no ordinary beast; its size was matched only by its cunning. And when it knew it could not devour Thor, it turned towards an easier source of prey. When the serpent began heading for his village, Thor let out a yell that shook the very heavens. Dropping Mjolnir at his feet, the young warrior managed somehow to grasp and bind the great serpent about its neck. Thor flung himself back off his faering, and so great was his strength and the weight of his convictions that the serpent could not lift its head. Man and beast fell into the sea, and neither was ever seen again._

 _But some say, if you happen upon Thor's village at exactly the right time of year, dawn and dusk will ring in to crashing waves and the sound of a titanic struggle. For Thor and the serpent still battle beneath the sea to this day, a battle that can be heard when the tides are at their lowest and you stand ready at the sea shore._

X

Luffy frowned sleepily at Usopp. Not that he didn't like the story- he did- but there was something that seemed to be missing. "The serpent- did it have a name? All the coolest monsters have names."

"Ah… Um…" Usopp rubbed his nose, embarrassment clear on his face. He'd forgotten that bit, hadn't he? "Its name was… Midgard! That's right! Because it was so long it could wrap around the whole Grand Line, and before it tried to hunt Thor it was the guardian of the islands at the end of the sea. Or at least, that's what Broggy said…"

"Cool! I wanna see Midgard- a snake that can wrap around the whole world would be awesome! Maybe we'll be there when Thor finally beats it!" Luffy would've continued, but a giant yawn cut him off. The rubber boy's eyelids fluttered closed; sleep was finally laying its claim on him. The last thing Luffy saw was Usopp rubbing sheepishly at the back of his head.

"I dunno… It's just a story. And one not even _I_ would make up- no way could a serpent that big exist! It _is_ really cool though."

Luffy didn't have the energy to answer as he snuggled into the wood. He smiled as the darkness claimed him. Silly Usopp; everyone knows that on the Grand Line, anything is possible.


	15. Personification

**Personification: a figure of speech in which human characteristics are bestowed upon anything nonhuman**

 **FairyGirl960: You need wait no longer.**

 **Thea: And here it is.**

 **starelight: ^_^ Thank you very much.**

 **DragonBookAddict: Oh my, this Toriko thing sounds interesting. Not an anime to watch on an empty stomach, I bet. Hmm... I do know colour theory in relation to light, but I'd never thought about black that way before. I like your perspective. Oh dear... My condolences with regards to your allergy problem. I hope you've been able to get at least some sleep... *bows***

 **Gemuesefuchs: *sees SUUUUPER and automatically strikes Franky's pose* Thank you very much. I'm glad that my story was able to help you a little; it's meant to be a story of healing. And don't worry about your grammar— you write in English better than some English speakers I know. *bows* I'm sorry I cannot address you in your native language as you have done for me; I speak a small amount of German, but nowhere near enough to complete this reply.**

 **GreenDrkness: Thank you. ^_^**

 **Sakura Hatsu: Maybe. Although legends are largely Usopp's forte in the One Piece world— and boy do I know some fun ones for him to use.**

 **LilyAllycia: Thank you. Yes, there was and is a lot of planning involved, although I change some things on the fly too. I'm sorry that those parts were difficult for you to read— I was nervous about putting that much of my own struggle in, but I wanted people like me to have a character they could relate to and a story of healing that might make them feel a little better. And no need to apologize; you didn't say anything I thought was rude.**

 **zafnak: Heh. Indeed.**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you very much. ^_^ And yes, Luffy is Luffy. Luffy will always be Luffy— that's one of my favourite things about One Piece, both canon and the fandom.**

 **Xipholynx: Oh, he'll remember eventually even if it rubs off. His friends are important, and Fist of Love is unforgettable.**

 **WaterStar45: Yes, Vivi has a heavy burden to carry. But she'll learn soon that she doesn't need to do so alone. And yeah, I love writing Ghin as the crew's big brother— can't wait to stick him, Ace, and Sabo in a room together for a while so they can chat.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you.**

 **xanothos: Heh. It's possible. And thank you.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Yes, Jones is the world's chew toy most days— although it's her own fault, with her tendency to act first and figure out the consequences later. With the exception of a few carefully crafted plans for specific events, of course.**

 **Lightsbane1905: Is it a spoiler if I list the people I would want to add, since I could very well be adding all of them? Probably. So I won't name any names, but I'll give out some hints— some of which will be easier to figure out than others. In addition to the canon crew, my Straw Hats will have a painter, a Mountie, a harbinger of death, an angel, a love bug, and a camel-leopard. So far. That's what's planned, at any rate.**

 **gamelover41592: Heh. Believe it or not, the second point didn't actually cross Jones' mind when she jumped in front of the T-Rex.**

"Not again! This is the third time since Little Garden!" Luffy was woken by the sound of wood hitting a skull. Nami's outburst was followed by an enraged shout from Zoro.

"Ow! Damn witch! I told you, it's not my fault! It was secure last night!"

Luffy scrambled out onto the deck, although he already had some idea what was wrong. Third time- the anchor had been fouled again, hadn't it? It had been doing that every morning since they left Little Garden, setting the _Going Merry_ adrift. The first time hadn't been an issue, aside from Johnny and Yosaku being smug and rubbing it in Zoro's face. Now? By now it was getting frustrating. Although it hadn't caused any problems yet…

Nami sighed and rubbed her temples. "Alright, what's our heading this time?"

 _Still on course._ Mr Thirteen scowled at his eternal pose. _I don't know how far we drifted, but we're still heading for Alabasta. You hosers have some ridiculous luck._

Sighing again, Nami went to the stern to check the sounding line and chip log so she could figure out where they were and how far they'd drifted. The sailing master growled as she worked. "Why does this keep _happening_? Three days in a row is _beyond_ improbability!"

"Maybe _Merry_ 's trying to get us there faster." Usopp ran a hand along the rail, as if the ship was a pet dog. This prompted Nami to throw a bottle at the sniper, although she didn't look up from what she was doing.

"She's a ship, not a horse! _Merry_ can't just pick up her anchor and move on her own!"

"Ow!" The gunner yelped and picked up the bottle, brandishing it like it was a sword. "Where are you even getting these?!"

"Actually, Big Bro, it's always the same one." Yosaku pointed at a doodle on the bottom of the bottle. "Johnny and I marked it cause we were curious."

The blue hunter nodded. "Yeah. It's probably one of Big Bro Zoro's that he left lying around. He kinda drinks a lot."

Luffy bit back a giggle as Zoro scowled. The bosun turned to loom over Johnny; visible shivers ran up the blue hunter's spine. "If you have time to mock me and doodle on bottles, you have time to spar." Zoro grabbed Johnny and dragged him towards the middle of the ship- the unofficially designated training area. "And that bottle's _not_ one of mine; I put all my empties in the bin under the sink. Plus, that's a wine bottle. I don't drink wine."

Soon enough, the clash of steel filled the air as katana rang against dadao. Yosaku jumped in to support Johnny, which meant that Zoro actually looked like he was getting a half-decent workout rather than just stomping the blue hunter flat. Which reminded Luffy… "You guys should try and figure out how to do those flying slashes like Dorry and Broggy!"

The swordsmen paused at that thought. Zoro scowled thoughtfully. "Not sure how that would work, but you're right- it's a good skill to have."

Johnny and Yosaku groaned. Luffy didn't understand why; training was fun! Zoro and Jones had to agree, since they spent so much time on it, so why didn't the hunters? He thought they looked up to Zoro. Then the rubber boy bit his lip. Jones would be so _mad_ when she realized how many days she'd been out. She was missing _so much_ training. Which was… pretty bad, actually. Because if she missed too much she wouldn't get better at fighting, and then she'd get hurt again…

Shaking his head, Luffy left the swordsmen to it as Zoro began to test things. Johnny and Yosaku's yelps followed him as the young captain scrambled up to the crow's nest. He'd been spending a lot of time up there the last three days, since Mr Thirteen sat on _Merry_ 's head. Stupid… Why did the otter want _his_ special seat? But Luffy wasn't willing to argue when the otter was the only one who knew where they were going.

Miss Friday hissed at him as he climbed into the crow's nest. Luffy stayed back in case she tried to peck him- her beak hurt! But the vulture just stared at him with sleepy eyes and shivered. The air had been getting cooler over the last three days, not enough to bother anyone else, but Miss Friday and Vivi didn't seem to like it. The vulture had become grumpy- well, grumpi _er_ \- and lethargic, while the princess spent most of her time below decks to keep warm.

"Sarssssssssssssssss!"

"Not gonna hurt you," Luffy told Miss Friday absently. Squinting out over the sea, he sighed. Still nothing. No land- Drum Kingdom, Alabasta, or otherwise. If only he had a telescope! Although… Usopp hadn't seen anything yet either, and he could see further than anyone else with his sniping goggles. Luffy stayed up there for quite some time, waiting to see if something would appear over the horizon. He only went down when the air began to cool rapidly; snow was starting to fall, and he was shivering a bit.

As he turned, the rubber captain spotted something floating on the sea. He couldn't tell what it was though. So Luffy jumped down, landing beside Usopp with a thump that made the gunner squeak. Usopp jerked back from the rail, stumbling to land on his butt. "What was that for?!"

"There's a thing out on the water. What is it?" Luffy pointed at the speck he'd seen. Sighing, Usopp got up and pulled his goggles down over his eyes.

"It's a- a person." The gunner shook his head in disbelief. "He's just… standing there, out on the water."

"Cool! I didn't know people could stand on water!" Luffy bounced on the rail. Seconds later, Nami's wine bottle hit him on the back of the head.

"They can't! Unless there's a Devil Fruit for it…" The sailing master calmed down remarkably quickly.

Sanji answered with a shake of his head. "No, Nami dear, there's no Devil Fruit that allows you to stand on water. It wouldn't work with the shitty weakness they all have."

"You're sure?" Nami sounded skeptical. "How'd you know?"

"Read a book about Devil Fruits when I was a kid. I don't remember all of it, but I know enough." The cook seemed… torn. He was happy that the sailing master was taking interest in his life, but also bitter about something, and a little sad. Luffy wondered what it was. Was there anything he could do to make it better? He didn't like his friends to be sad…

The person standing on the water didn't move as the _Going Merry_ got closer. He stared dully up at the Straw Hats, his face an uncaring sort of sad. Luffy kind of wished he had the stranger's big, fluffy cloak though. It looked warm.

Dark eyes blinked slowly. "It sure is cold out, eh?"

"Um… Yes?" Usopp stared, confused. Luffy was confused too- very, very confused. The silly green jester had the same accent as Jones. How was that possible? Didn't she come from another world?

Wood creaked as the water-walker drew his bow, arrow pointed at Usopp. The twang as he released his bowstring was followed immediately by the Straw Hat gunner's scream, as well as the rubbing hiss of a line unravelling. A trailing rope end flicked across, knocking the arrow just enough that it flew to the left of the sniper's head, leaving him panting and trembling with fear. Above them, the corner of _Merry_ 's mainsail flapped loose in the wind.

And then came the sucking splash of something large emerging from beneath the water. It was a sound that Luffy had been familiar with since he was a child- although usually, it was followed by a _creature_ appearing. Instead, this time it was a weird ship that looked like an oyster shell. The green jester guy turned out to be standing on top of its hippo figurehead. There was a faint hiss, followed by a series of creaking noises as the shell of wood and steel opened to reveal the decking inside.

Something dark and shiny flashed across the gap between the ships. A loud thump sounded as it landed on the rail of the _Going Merry_. It was a man- a large man with a metal chin and the biggest, fluffiest coat Luffy had ever seen. There was something about the man that just seemed _wrong_ ; he gave off an impression of stale cooking grease and moldy fruit. It was a familiar sliminess, although Luffy couldn't quite decide what it reminded him of. And that was before the newcomer even opened his mouth. When he did, his voice sounded like leftover caulking pitch.

"Oi! Do you peasants know how to get to Drum Kingdom?"

For a moment, none of Luffy's crewmates said a word, staring at the newcomer in confused silence. Then Usopp glared, one of his flashes of bravery rising as he shrieked and waved his arms. "Hey! An apology would be nice- your buddy just shot me!"

The man on the rail shot Usopp a disparaging look, as if the gunner was little more than a slug. A slug that had been sprinkled with rat poop. "Shut it, peasant. I asked you a question."

Luffy scowled. "Don't talk to Usopp like that! And he's right- your jester guy needs to apologize!" And preferably an ass-kicking. If that line hadn't come undone, Usopp would've been really hurt.

"Nonsense! Chess was getting the attention of you buffoons for me- perfectly acceptable! Now, I'll only ask one more time. Do you peasants know how to get to Drum Kingdom?"

Peasants… _Oh_. _Now_ Luffy knew what the slimeball reminded him of- Sabo's dad. He was a _noble_. And not a nice one like Vivi. Well, that settled it. Even if they _did_ know how to get to Drum Kingdom, no way would they have told this guy. He was an _asshole_. Was he the guy Jones had called Sabo about?

"No." The rubber boy folded his arms and glared at the unwelcome visitor. "And even if we did, we wouldn't tell an asshole like you. Now get off my ship before I kick your ass." Although… Luffy kind of hoped the noble would ignore him. He _wanted_ an excuse to kick the slimeball's ass.

Shiny skin flushed red with rage; steam poofed out the noble's ears. "You- how dare you! Do you know who I am? I'm Wapol, the _rightful king_ of Drum Kingdom, on my way back to my homeland! Peasant scum like you could never _kick my ass_ , as you so quaintly put it- I've been trained to kill since birth!"

"Oh really?" Sanji lit a cigarette and took a long drag. Since he was outdoors and Jones was safely inside with Lisa and Ruatha, no one said anything. The cook blew a smoke ring into the irate king's face. "And how long have you been training to be a prat?"

Wapol's eyes bulged out; his voice became painfully high as he shrieked in outrage. "You can't talk to me like that!"

"Heh. You're right; my apologies." Sanji bowed- the most flourished, mocking bow to ever be given on all the seas. Even Luffy could read the sarcasm in it, and Ace always used to say he wouldn't know sarcasm if it bit him on the nose. "How long have you been training to be a prat, _my lord_?"

Luffy bit back laughter; out of the corner of his eye, he saw Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku cover their mouths to prevent their own giggles from escaping. Even Zoro and Nami were smirking. Wapol clearly didn't appreciate the joke though, as he immediately leapt at Sanji with a growl. The king's face had gone beyond red into a shade of deep burgundy that looked terrible with his spiky purplish hair; he had steam coming out his nose as well as his ears, and his entire body was shaking with anger it could barely contain. All in all, he looked hilarious. Luffy had an even harder time holding back his laughter when Wapol started to shout.

"You filthy peasant scum! The penalty for insulting the king is death! Munch-Munch- gak!"

A spinning tonfa came in from the side to crash into Wapol's gut before he could get anywhere near Sanji; the king wheezed as his wind was knocked out. Watery, buggy eyes stared up into the glowing red glare of the only member of the crew not currently amused by Sanji's teasing and the silly king's antics.

"PIPE DOWN! THERE'S A SICKROOM RIGHT THERE- IF YOU CAN'T SHUT UP, GET THE HELL OFF OUR SHIP!" Ghin spun his tonfa again, launching Wapol into the sky. The hefty king soared over the horizon and disappeared. A twinkle of light reflected off his metallic chin just before he dropped from view.

Immediately, the crew of the weird oyster-hippo ship flew into a panic. The green jester's jaw dropped. "Ah! His majesty can't swim! We have to save him!"

"Aye-aye!" Dozens of men raced around the ship, getting oars into the water so they could turn it around. A sneering man with an afro- so cool!- came into view as the hippo-oyster turned its stern to _Merry_.

"You kids just wait! We'll get you next time, as soon as we've saved our beloved leader!" The afro man shot them the finger as the hippo-oyster moved away.

 _Rude_. Luffy stuck out his tongue at the stern of the retreating ship. So it wasn't just the king… it was an entire crew of assholes! Now he was sure- this was the guy Jones had called Sabo about who was gonna cause problems in Drum Kingdom. Well, they couldn't have that. Drum Kingdom needed to be as peaceful and happy as possible so his crew mate could get healed fast and they could go on and save Alabasta. Hmm… Luffy was willing to bet _any_ kingdom would be happier without an asshole king like Wapol. So they should keep him from _ever_ getting back to Drum!

"Usopp, can you shoot their rudder?"

The gunner looked mildly offended at Luffy's question. "From here? Of course! At this range, with her stern to us, I could sink that ship before she had time to turn around!" Usopp frowned thoughtfully. "Um… Why?"

"That Wapol guy's an asshole; if he gets back to Drum Kingdom, he's just gonna hurt people. So we should si-!"

"NO!" Vivi burst up from below decks, shivering but resolute. Luffy wondered how she's heard him through the wood- although Ace and Makino both said he could be a little loud sometimes. Maybe that was it? "Luffy, I know Wapol is a bad king, but you can't sink his ship!"

"Why not?" The rubber boy cocked his head to the side, confused.

"Because Drum Kingdom is famous for their doctors- it's why we're going there, remember? And since Wapol's their king, he probably has the best of the best doctors with him. If you sank his ship, you wouldn't just be ridding the world of a few rude soldiers and their detestable monarch- you'd be killing brilliant medical professionals! Doctors who do so much to help people when they're not voyaging with their king…"

"Oh… That makes sense." Luffy had never thought about that. But if his crew needed a doctor, that meant other ships needed doctors too. And if Wapol had a doctor… "So you think we should capture them instead? Get the doctor to help Jones? Okay! But if we do that, can I make Wapol walk the plank?"

Vivi stared at him. "I- _why_? Just _why_?"

"Because he's an _asshole_." Luffy spoke very slowly so the princess would understand. She didn't always seem like the sharpest cutlass in the barrel. And this was definitely one of her dumb times, from the way she was blinking slowly and looking at him like he was mystery vegetables without any meat.

The princess tried to respond, but Luffy couldn't understand her through her chattering teeth and the sound of her shivering. Mairead shot Vivi a sympathetic look. "Yeah, I'm cold too. Too bad we didn't have any winter gear at Whiskey Peak." Despite her comment, the muscular woman wasn't shivering in the slightest.

Jack frowned at the both of them. "Isn't there a jacket in the storage hold? You know… the one with red and white maple leaves all over it? I used it for a pillow sometimes when we were locked up down there. Why doesn't one of you wear that?"

Mairead snorted. "Yeah, I've seen it. You think that little thing would fit me? No way. Vivi could wear it though." The ex-Baroque Works agent placed a hand on the princess' shoulder and gave her a comforting pat. "Want me to bring it up?"

"No." Vivi got her shivering under control enough to answer as she brushed snowflakes out of her hair. "It's Jones'."

"Ah." Mairead nodded in understanding. Which was all very well for her, but Luffy didn't understand. Why would that be a problem? They were all family here, right? Like him, Sabo, and Ace. He used to borrow Ace's things all the time. The rubber boy pouted.

"I don't get it. Why's that a problem? Do you still not like Jones?"

"It's not that." Vivi was turning pink, but was that from the cold or what she was thinking? Zoro snorted as the princess shuffled in place.

"Jones doesn't have cooties or anything," the bosun said, folding his arms. "And I don't think she'll mind if you borrow it, as long as you wash it before you give it back. She has a decent cold tolerance, which is more than can be said for you."

"I'm from a _desert_ kingdom!" the princess snapped. "I'm used to it being _hot_! And that's not the problem anyways. Jones' things wouldn't fit me."

Zoro scowled, as much in the dark as Luffy was. "But you're not _that_ much taller than she is… And she's broader through the shoulders than you."

"Not enough to make up for…" Vivi waved her hands vaguely in front of her chest. Luffy didn't understand what that was supposed to mean, but apparently Nami did. The sailing master burst out laughing.

"Hah! Right- Jones is a member of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee!" Smiling and shaking her head, Nami took Vivi's hand and led the princess towards the girls' cabin. "Don't worry; you can borrow something of mine. I may not have an extra jacket, but I should have something a little warmer than what you're wearing, at least. Maybe a cute little cardigan…" The navigator's voice was cut off as the hatch slammed closed behind them.

Luffy rubbed his temples. All this confusion was making his head hurt. "I still don't get it…"

Mairead huffed and shook her head, smiling. Although her face was a little red too- was that a thing that happened to girls when they talked about stuff guys didn't understand? Were the red faces some sort of secret code? "Let's just put it this way- for reasons I don't think anyone here is comfortable explaining, you and Lisa are the only ones able to borrow Jones' clothes."

But that didn't make sense at all! Jones was a little bit taller than Nami and not much shorter than Vivi- why couldn't they all wear the same things? And why would no one explain properly? When Luffy looked at the other men, everyone was very carefully avoiding his gaze, to the point where Johnny and Yosaku had voluntarily started sparring without Zoro telling them to. The only one not occupying himself with either training or trimming the sails was Sanji, and he was too busy having a nosebleed to be of any use.

A heavy weight landed on Luffy's shoulder with a thump, accompanied by small claws digging into his vest. Mr Thirteen poked the rubber boy's cheek and waved a sign around. _If we're done discussing who has the biggest boobs, can we get back on track? Go after Wapol if you mean to go after him; otherwise, we'll keep going this way. Either way, one of you hosers needs to man the fucking whipstaff._

"Bossy little furball, aren't you?" Zoro scowled at the otter even as he made his way over to do as he was told. Mr Thirteen snorted.

 _Oh, bite me. I'm the one with the eternal pose; without me and my partner, you hosers are toast._

X

They didn't end up going after Wapol's ship; it was over the horizon by the time they were ready to keep moving, and chasing after it would've taken them too far off course. By the time they saw land on the horizon several hours later, Vivi wasn't the only one who was cold. Johnny and Yosaku were huddled together for warmth, with the blue hunter wearing a brand-new hat and gloves that his partner had crocheted, while Nami, Vivi, and- surprisingly- _Usopp_ were wearing matching pink cardigans that the sailing master had found in her wardrobe. Ghin and Sanji engaged in short, furious battles every few minutes to warm themselves up between tasks. Zoro and Lisa, the ones who stayed indoors, were lucky- although the door had to be kept open so the bosun could communicate with Nami and Mr Thirteen, so a chilly breeze sometimes made its way back into the galley.

Lisa compensated for the breeze by burying herself and Jones in blankets and tablecloths, until the only things that were visible were their hats and noses. Ruatha borrowed in with his mother, a little dragon snout poking out of the blanket fortress.

"L-land ho! Island off the s-starboard b-bow!" Usopp's teeth chattered from the cold as he made the welcomed call.

Mr Thirteen's eternal pose wasn't pointing at the island, so Luffy assumed it was Drum Kingdom. The rubber captain leaned back, hanging off the line he'd just tied off for support. "Bring us about Zoro! Umm…"

"Fifteen degrees to starboard!" Nami supplied. Wood creaked as Zoro complied, the _Going Merry_ swinging across the waves.

Little ice floes appeared on the water as they got closer to the island, joining the snow that fell more and more heavily from the sky. Everyone was shivering as the ship approached the shore- Jack had put on a second shirt and pair of pants in an attempt to keep warm. Sanji looked up at Luffy and shook his head, although that action dislodged the scarf the cook had found.

"Aren't you cold? Put a coat on or something, idiot."

Luffy pouted as he started to shiver. Well, he was cold _now_. He wouldn't have noticed if Sanji hadn't said anything. "Yeah, it's cold. But I don't have a coat."

"Then wear Jones' coat," Ghin said gruffly, poking Luffy in the forehead. The rubber boy made a face; he understood that the rigger was worried, but he didn't like the forehead pokes. That was Jones' thing. When the captain didn't respond immediately, Ghin disappeared into the cargo hold for a moment, reappearing with the fluffiest, leafiest jacket Luffy had ever seen. Before the rubber boy could react, Ghin had grabbed him by the back of the neck and was manhandling him into the coat. Luffy went limp, not resisting, but not helping either. He wasn't sure he wanted to wear Jones' coat when everyone was being so weird about it earlier.

It _was_ warm though. The rubber boy snuggled into the thick fabric. So nice… Although… if Jones knew about Drum Kingdom ahead of time, why hadn't she told everyone to buy coats? That hadn't been on any of the special lists in Loguetown; if it had, everyone would be _wearing_ their coats by now. Maybe she forgot. She called herself high INT, low WIS a lot; Luffy wasn't _entirely_ sure what that meant, but sometimes he thought it was Jones' way of calling herself an airhead.

The _Going Merry_ slowly came to a stop near a shore blanketed in thick snow. Zoro came out to drop the anchor; ice shattered like glass as the heavy weight crashed into it. Lisa waddled out of the galley behind the bosun, wrapped in blankets and rubbing her eyes. "Why'd we stop?"

"We're here," Vivi told her. The princess was gripping the rail of the ship as if she meant to break it, her knuckles white from more than just cold. There was relief in her voice. "This is Drum Kingdom, one of the most medically advanced countries in the world."

"So they can save the sca- Jones?" The little girl was adorable, all wrapped up in her mess of blankets. Luffy just wanted to hug her, squeeze her… Was this why Ace and Sabo pinched his cheeks so much when he was little- did he used to be cute like that?

"If anyone can, it's the doctors here." Vivi forced a smile and patted Lisa on the head. "How is she? Is your paint still holding up?" The princess' tone reminded Luffy of Makino comforting him after Shanks lost his arm. Vivi would make a good mother someday.

"She's not breathing much, but I guess it's enough." Lisa bit her lip. "I've gotten really good at telling when she's starting to wake up- the paint only keeps her under for so long. She must be in so much pain… I've been reapplying Soothing Seafoam every two hours, but she's started whimpering even when it's fresh."

"That's a good sign," Vivi soothed. "It means Jones is getting stronger, that she's fighting back. She's still trying to live."

That was good. Luffy would've been even angrier at Jones if she wasn't. Throwing her life away, saying she was expendable… Now that he thought about it, he'd never tried giving someone a Fist of Love before- he might not get it right on the first try. He should practice on Jones until he could do it reliably.

Heavy footsteps crunched on snow; people were approaching the _Going Merry_. There were about a dozen of them, all wearing heavy coats and carrying muskets as if for hunting. They stopped one by one, at varying distances, but all in firing range. Their leader was the only one to come close to the ship, a great bear of a man with dark hair and a bull-like face. He scowled up at the pirates while his companions raised their guns.

"What are you doing here, pirates? Get off our island!"

Well, that was rude. Luffy glared down at the man. His crew mates came up to stand beside him; Zoro and Ghin looked threatening, with their folded arms and scowls. Everyone else was less so, ranging from Sanji's cold stare to Usopp's trembling. But… They wanted these people to help them, to help Jones. These people wouldn't help if they were threatened- or worse, they might pretend to help, then hurt the crew while Jones was helpless and everyone was distracted worrying about her. Luffy made a face at that thought. He'd never worried about things like that before. Jones must be infecting him with her sneaky ninja thoughts. Except she didn't like being called a ninja… and now his brain hurt.

Now that he _was_ worried about that, though, Luffy couldn't stop. It was his responsibility as captain to protect his crew. So the rubber boy forced his expression to soften, placing his hands on Zoro and Ghin's shoulders in an attempt to calm them down. It sort of worked; their threatening scowls turned into slightly-less-scary flat expressions, which was the best he could expect. Ghin hadn't smiled since Little Garden and Zoro… well, Zoro always looked like that. But what-?

Luffy's mind flashed back to when he and Ace were little, and Makino was teaching them to be polite. Not that he'd listened, or been very good at the lessons. But it was his best bet. The rubber boy jumped down to land in the knee-deep snow- it was cold and wet on his bare legs. A dozen muskets shifted to focus on him. Cold snow stung his knees as he fell forwards into a low bow he vaguely remembered; ice crystals dug into the palms of his hands. Everything was cold, hard, and sharp in this place… frozen. He just hoped the people would be warmer than the ground.

"Please… one of my crew mates is hurt. We need a doctor- she might be dying."

"Then there'll be one less pirate in the world. That's alright by us." The man with the bull face levelled his gun at Luffy's head as the rubber boy looked up, but that was fine. Bullets didn't bother him. But the sound of movement from behind did, as did the gun's sudden swing back up to aim at something aboard the _Going Merry_.

"It's alright- please! These pirates don't mean any harm- if you just let us see a doctor, we'll be on our way as quick as we can."

"Stay back! Your crew has five minutes to get back aboard your vessel and prepare to leave- if your ship hasn't started moving by the end of that time, we'll be forced to shoot!" The bull man sounded serious, bitter and in pain. Luffy took a good look at him, not rising from his bow. The rubber boy recognized the way the bull man's shoulders were bowed; responsibility. Whatever this man did, he was like a captain to these people- he protected them the way Luffy was supposed to protect his crew. And right now he was afraid for them.

Vivi didn't stay back, didn't listen; snow crunched under the princess' shoes as she jumped down from the rail. BANG! The shot rang out before Luffy could do or say anything, cutting the air like a knife. His ears rang in the ensuing silence. Aside from that, everything else froze; even the snow stopped falling for a moment.

"ARGH!" Vivi stumbled back, her hand flying to her shoulder. Blood welled up around her fingers, staining the sleeve of Nami's cardigan and running down the princess' arm. Luffy jumped to his feet, politeness forgotten as he tackled the bull man into the snow.

 _Snick-schick_. The sound of blades being drawn echoed from the _Merry_. Three katana, two dadao… Nami's staff was out and together, Usopp's slingshot was pulled back, and Ghin had his pistols drawn instead of his tonfa. Lisa had her paints out- could she fight with those too?- and Miss Friday raised a machine gun in her talons. Mr Thirteen pulled clam blades from somewhere in his jacket. Even Jack and Mairead looked ready for a fight, a pair of steel bats and a couple sets of brass knuckles reflecting the light.

"NO! Everyone, stand down!" Vivi was panting, her breaths ragged as she winced and clutched her shoulder. "Fighting will only make it worse!"

"But he _shot you_!" Yosaku snapped. Johnny nodded mute agreement.

"Which just means we have two people who need a doctor instead of one." Vivi grit her teeth. Tears welled up at the corner of her eyes; they started to fall as she turned to face Luffy and the bull man. "Don't hurt him, please. It won't help anyone."

Sighing, Luffy got up and stepped back. Vivi was right; even if he was angry at the bull man, hitting him wouldn't fix anything. They needed these people to get them to a doctor, and the bull man was only trying to protect his friends. Didn't mean Luffy had to be happy about it, though.

The young captain glared at the bull man. "Why're you being such a jerk? Yeah, we're pirates, but we're not here to rob anyone. We just need to see a doctor- or two now, since you shot Vivi."

"A few weeks ago, our island was attacked by pirates like yourselves. Why should we trust anything you say?"

Luffy glowered. Why was the bull man being so difficult? "Because my crew mate is _dying_. Why would we attack people who could help her? That's stupid."

For a few long minutes, the bull man did nothing but stare and sniff, like a nervous animal. Luffy began to fidget, impatient. His friends needed a doctor, dammit! Bright red drops fell to the snow with quiet plops, dripping from Vivi's arm. The bull man looked from the captain to the princess, then up at the rest of the crew waiting on the _Going Merry_. He sighed.

"Everyone, stand down!" He waved his arm, prompting his followers to lower their guns. They did so with some hesitation. Dark eyes bored into Luffy's for a moment before the bull man nodded. "My name is Dalton; I'm the mayor of Bighorn, a nearby village. Your crew can come to my house. I'm not a doctor, but I can patch up bullet wounds well enough."

There was a story there, one Luffy wasn't sure if he wanted to know. It sounded like it might be sad. "That won't be enough for Jones. She wasn't shot."

"Bring her anyway and I'll see what I can do." Dalton turned, but didn't leave right away. His people fell in around him as he waited for the Straw Hats.

Luffy nodded, still scowling. Weren't there supposed to be lots of good doctors here? Why couldn't Dalton take them to one? "Zoro, guard the ship." They couldn't leave _Merry_ alone after all. She would be sad if they did.  
"Aye-aye Captain." The bosun stood at the rail with folded arms. Jack and Mairead stood behind him, as did Carue. The duck quacked loudly, knees shaking a little.

"We'll stay back too!" Luffy shrugged at the agents' words. They weren't part of his crew, even if they were sort of friends- as long as they didn't cause trouble, he didn't care what they did. Mr Thirteen didn't hold up any signs, but from the way he was sitting on the figurehead polishing a blade made of shell, the otter didn't mean to move any time soon. Not far away, his vulture partner had her head tucked under her wing, shivering as she tried to keep warm.

Sanji jumped down from the _Going Merry_ and offered Vivi his arm; the princess frowned at him before addressing the cook with reproach. "I'm fine on my own, you know. It's my arm that was shot, not my leg." A hitch in her voice betrayed her pain, but Vivi was no longer crying.

The cook looked a little hurt. "I didn't mean to imply you were helpless, Vivi dear," Sanji simpered. "It's only right for a gentleman to assist a lady is all."

Luffy made a face at that. Why did Sanji always act so weird around women? Except Jones… Did that mean Jones was a guy? But she had boobs… Could you be a guy in a girl's body? That sounded about right. Although Jones didn't always act like a guy either… The rubber captain shook his head and put the thoughts aside before they made his brain start hurting. It didn't matter; whatever his crew mates wanted to do that way, he would support them.

Ghin, Johnny, and Yosaku took longer to descend. The three brought Jones with them, carefully maneuvering her immobilized form out of the galley and down to the shore. Lisa stayed beside them, still wrapped in blankets. She refreshed the paint on Jones' chest once everyone was down in the snow. The Soothing Seafoam wasn't having the same effect as it had at first though; Jones groaned as she was jostled, a wet, bubbling sound. Ruatha crooned worriedly and scrambled down from the ship, nuzzling his mother's dangling hand before hopping over to bury his face in Vivi's knees.

Nami and Usopp were the last to land on the shore, both appearing hesitant to leave the safety of the _Going Merry_. But a look at Jones hardened their resolve. Usopp's knees stopped quaking; the sniper grit his teeth. Meanwhile Nami spent a moment considering Dalton and his men before snapping her staff together. Although the sailing master still looked uncertain. She leaned in close to Usopp as the whole group started moving; Luffy strained to overhear.

"You're good with gadgets, right?" the sailing master fixed Usopp with her amber gaze. "I mean, you do your own special ammo and stuff? Your fire stars?"

The gunner squawked. "Y-yeah. Although I'm running out of some of the stuff I need- I think Johnny and Yosaku've been sneaking stuff from my supplies when they run low. Why?"

Luffy knew eavesdropping was rude, but the look on Nami's face worried him. She'd tried to run off once before- was something wrong? The answer was yes, in a way, although Nami's words made Luffy smile. He hadn't needed to be worried after all.

"I'm a thief." Nami glanced off into the snowy distance. "Stealing, navigation… I've practiced those as long as I can remember, and I'm damn good at them. My staff's mostly for self-defence if a mark gets a little handsy- great on the East Blue, but here… Jones trains hard _every day_ , plus she has her Devil Fruit, and she's still barely hanging on. Half our crew is made of monsters- Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Ghin… But they can't be everywhere. None of them were able to save Jones from the Tyrannosaurus. A simple staff isn't good enough anymore. I need something else, but I don't know what, exactly. I need you to help me figure something out, and probably to make it too."

Usopp gulped nervously before flashing a thumbs-up. "Of course! After all, the great Captain Usopp would never let a friend down! We'll figure out what you need, then I can get some supplies to try and put it together. With any luck, I might even have something ready for you by the time we get to Alabasta."

"Good." Nami nodded, smiling. "I'll double your supply budget while you're working on this, so you better not gyp me."

"Double?!" The gunner fell back on his rear in surprise. Luffy whistled; he may not be able to the math, but he knew that getting a beri more than the usual allotment out of Nami was impossible- not to mention as scary as his grandpa. She must be _really_ worried about this weapon thing. "Holy crap on a cracker, with that… I could finally try that Leyden bottle experiment I heard about in Loguetown. Actually…" Usopp trailed off in thought as he scrambled back to his feet.

"As long as it doesn't take time away from helping me figure something out," Nami warned. Usopp shook his head.

"No, no, no. Actually, it might _help_. How'd you feel about being able to catch lightning in a jar?"

Luffy tuned out there. Usopp and Nami were starting to talk _science_ ; that was even worse than math. Although it must be important, since so many of his crew mates liked to play with it. Maybe he should learn some sometime?

…Nah. It sounded complicated.

The walk to Dalton's house was a long one; the village of Bighorn was well up into the hills, with a good view of the sea. It was a very nice walk though, despite the cold. Evergreen trees rose like fluffy spears from shimmering white snow, giving off a feeling of perpetual Christmas. High above was an overcast sky, shining dim silver as the occasional flake drifted down. If Jones and Vivi weren't injured, Luffy would've enjoyed the walk immensely. As it was, he found himself constantly worrying over the slow pace and the cold.

A great, fluffy _thing_ approached them from the opposite direction as the group neared Bighorn. Dalton and his people bowed to it as the thing came closer; when the pirates failed to do so, one of the men with muskets hissed at them. "Bow, dammit! You're being rude!"

Luffy opened his mouth to protest the order, only to have Nami grab the back of his head and force him to bow. "Don't push our luck. Remember why we're here."

Right. They couldn't afford to make these people angry. The rubber captain glanced up through his bangs as the giant fluffy thing walked past. It was a bear- the least hostile bear he'd ever seen. A small smile adorned its muzzle; it used a walking stick just like some human hikers, and even carried a battered green backpack. Cool. Luffy wished some more animals would join the crew; all these Grand Line creatures were so interesting.

"What's that?" the rubber boy asked Dalton once the bear was gone and the group started moving again.

"A hiking bear. They're common around here, and as long as you're polite, they're quite friendly." The bull man smiled. "Hiking bears have been known to guide lost hunters to the nearest village, or to fetch help for people injured in avalanches. If you don't show them the proper respect though, they'll force you to sit in seiza for an hour while they teach you about manners and politeness."

That made Luffy wince. No thank you; that was worse than some of the things Makino used to do to make lessons stick. He'd have to remember to bow to the bears and be nice to them.

It wasn't long after meeting the hiking bear that they got to Dalton's house. It was a small, cozy place, with a fire crackling in a large hearth to ward off the cold. Ghin carefully arranged Jones on a clean, low table while Dalton retrieved a first-aid kit from a cupboard. The bull man sat Vivi down and tugged her shit open so he could get at her wound.

Hissing in pain, Vivi kicked him. "Ow! Be a little more careful, please!"

"Sorry Miss. Like I said, I'm no doctor. Just a mayor and former royal guard- I have some experience in field dressing, but that's all." Dalton examined the wound carefully. "And I'm afraid you're not going to like what comes next. The bullet's still in there; I have to get it out. Sorry about this."

Vivi paled, but said nothing. She gathered the edge of one sleeve into a lump and bit down on it, glancing at Dalton nervously. Then she nodded. The bull man frowned sympathetically and pulled out a pair of tweezers. After a moment's hesitation, he carefully began digging the bullet out of Vivi's shoulder.

"MRPH!" Vivi's eyes watered; she bit down harder on the wad of fabric in her mouth. Luckily it didn't take long for Dalton to get the bullet out. He cleaned the wound with rough, efficient professionalism before binding it. The whole process took less than ten minutes. Dalton smiled apologetically at the end.

"Again, I'm very sorry about that. I know how much it hurts, but your shoulder would never heal properly if I didn't get the bullet out."

"It's okay." Vivi wiped her eyes and forced a small smile.

Dalton nodded. "And I'm sorry for shooting you in the first place. We've had a lot of trouble with pirates recently; I thought you meant to attack us."

"I understand," Vivi said with a wince. Luffy pouted.

"Hey! We don't even have bounties yet- not that I don't want one- so don't go confusing us with those other pirates!"

Dark eyes shot him a flat look. "The pirates who attacked us didn't have bounties either, and they still managed to turn the island upside down. So many casualties… our wounded have barely recovered even now. It's hard, with only one doctor left on the island. Our king took all the others with him when he fled."

"He wasn't a very good king then." Luffy folded his arms with a scowl. "A good leader looks after his people. Wait- was he that Wapol guy? We met him on the way here; he's an asshole. You're better off without him."

"Indeed we are." Dalton glanced at Jones. "So, what happened to that one? I take it she's not just suffering from a couple bullet wounds."

Johnny and Yosaku shook their heads. "Big Sis got ripped up by Velociraptors, then nearly bitten in half by a T-Rex." The hunters stared at the floor. "It's kinda amazing she's lasted as long as she has; she _really_ needs a doctor."

"I would certainly think so." Dalton looked stunned. "Putting aside _where_ and _how_ your friend managed to get attacked by dinosaurs… Like I said, I'm afraid we only have one doctor currently on the island."

"Then bring him here," Ghin ordered gruffly. Dalton shook his head, his face falling.

"I'm afraid it's not that simple. _She_ doesn't just come around at our word; she travels from town to town at her own whim, and spends most of her days up in the old castle in the Rockies. We don't even have a way to contact her in an emergency- although she usually just knows."

"Not even a den-den mushi?" Sanji asked with a huff. "Shitty luck…" Dalton glared at him.

"We take what we can get. There's not exactly anyone else we can rely on, even if the witch charges an arm and a leg sometimes. Her fees are… unpredictable. Although she's unusually fond of pickled plums, if you need to pacify her." The bull man made a face. "I'm sorry I can't help you more."

"So there's no way to help Big Sis?" Johnny and Yosaku drooped. "We have to just _wait_ and hope the doctor shows up?"

Silence fell over the house for a long minute. Lisa bit her lip and placed her hand on Jones' wax cast. Luffy frowned at the hunters' words. No. He wasn't going to wait- Jones might not be _able_ to wait. He wasn't sure what her injuries were like, but the wet, bubbly groans of pain she was making weren't encouraging, even if Vivi told Lisa that it meant Jones was getting stronger. Luffy was starting to think it was the opposite. The otherworlder's breathing was becoming shallower in between the whimpering groans, and the noises themselves sounded like she was trying to breathe through a mouthful of water. Or blood.

"No." The rubber boy frowned, his hat shadowing his eyes in a practiced movement. "We're not waiting. If there's no way to get the doctor down from her castle, I'll take Jones up to her."

Nami whacked him over the head with her staff. Unlike lots of times, it didn't hurt. "Are you crazy? Jones can't make that kind of trip! Even carrying her _here_ was risky! Have you forgotten the part where jostling her the wrong way _even with the wax_ could make her ribs pierce her lugs?"

"That's not the only place she's hurt though." Luffy couldn't bring himself to meet the sailing master's eyes. "Her arm, her back, her breathing… She's getting weaker, isn't she, no matter what Vivi says. Jones is hurt inside."

There was no response. Luffy knew he was right, and he was pretty sure Nami did too. She sighed and looked over at Jones, biting her lip. A shiver ran up the sailing master's spine. Luffy wondered what that was about. He placed a hand on Nami's shoulder; she answered his question before he could open his mouth to ask.

"Was just… wondering what would've happened without Jones here. Would someone else be lying there? The dinosaur attacked Vivi- would it be her? Maybe Zoro or Sanji?" Nami bowed her head.

"I dunno. But worrying about that won't help anything." Luffy glanced out the window, spotting the castle where the doctor lived at the top of one mountain. It looked pretty far… carrying Jones there wasn't going to be easy. The rubber boy took off the coat he was wearing and began trying to figure out how to use it to tie his immobilized crew mate to his back.

"You're right." Nami sighed again and ran her hands over her staff. "But in that case… now what? Even if you _can_ carry Jones up the mountain, what if the doctor's not there. Dalton just said she travels on a whim; she could be anywhere in Drum Kingdom."

"But if the castle's her home, she'll always go back eventually." Luffy beamed as Usopp jumped in on his side.

"Shitty Longnose has a point, Nami dear," Sanji huffed. He turned to Luffy, hands in his pockets. "But you can't do it alone. Even if you can carry Jones comfortably, you can't risk fighting with her around if something happens. Nami dear is right too; jostle Jones the wrong way and everything could get worse. I'll come with you."

"Me too." Ghin reached back and tapped on one of his tonfa. His expression was dark and eager; Luffy pitied anything that _did_ attack them and became the focus of the rigger's angry worry. The rubber boy beamed at his friends.

"Shishishishi! Of course! I wouldn't expect anything else!" Because they were family, a team… Call it what you will, they would always be there for each other, because none of them could do everything on their own. But at what they _could_ do, they were the best.

Dalton stared at them. "Your crew… Are you sure you're pirates? You're nothing like the ones I've seen in the past, pillaging and fighting… They wouldn't have gone to such lengths for a crew mate."

"Then they don't deserve to be called pirates," Luffy said firmly as he tried to figure out how to maneuver Jones onto his back without hurting her. "Yeah, we fight- fighting is fun- and we pillaged once. The other guys started it though. But you don't need that stuff to be a pirate. Being a pirate is about being free, about being able to go where you want and have adventures and explore and have fun, without anyone telling you to stop or to do things a certain way. You can't do that _alone_ ; being alone's no fun."

Johnny and Yosaku nodded. "Those who abandon their friends are worse than trash," the green hunter said, gently grabbing one of Jones' arms and helping heave the unconscious young woman onto their captain's shoulders.

"Yeah! We'd never abandon our friends when there's a chance of saving them! Or even if there isn't; we have to try!" Johnny held Jones up and helped Luffy loop and knot the jacket around her. "Here Big Bro; if we do this one as a slip knot, you'll be able to adjust Big Sis without having to untie everything."

"Thanks guys!" Oh, how Luffy loved his crew mates.

Even Nami shot Dalton a tight smile. "Loyalty before reason- that's the Straw Hat way. And as aggravating as it can be sometimes, I don't think any of us really regret it."

Dalton opened his mouth, closed it, and shook his head. He said nothing as Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin made their way out the door. Johnny, Yosaku, and Usopp waved as the three left. "Have fun storming the castle!" the hunters cackled, totally confident in the away team.

Luffy waved back at them as he started slogging through the snow. He… he wasn't as sure of himself as Johnny and Yosaku were. Not in his ability to get to the castle _on time_ , at least. He could _feel_ Jones getting weaker, her breathing shallower, pulse fainter. A few of her rattling gasps even spat warm droplets onto the back of his neck- blood. The rubber captain saw it when he wiped some of the dampness off. That meant Jones was hurt inside, and that she was losing the fight to hold herself together, right?

No! He couldn't let himself think that. They _would_ get there on time, the doctor _would_ be there, and everything would be fine. Luffy reached back and patted Jones' wax shell. "Don't give up yet, ne? You're not allowed to die Jones."

Sanji huffed at that. The cook had taken point in their little formation, with Ghin bringing up the rear. "Shitty captain… It's not that simple. You can't just order someone not to die; sometimes they can't help it. No man commands death."

Luffy knew that. He'd learned it long ago, back when he thought Sabo was dead, when he and Ace had seen people burn and die in Grey Terminal. But what else could he do? What could he say? The rubber captain hardened his gaze. "I know death doesn't listen to me! But Jones does. So if I tell her not to die, she won't!"

The cook didn't respond, aside from another huff as he continued to stomp through the snow. When Luffy glanced back at Ghin, the rigger nodded grimly. The ivory armband on his arm glinted in the light, its crooked lightning bolt a ragged patch of shadow. Something about it suited the man, even if it didn't match the rest of his outfit. Luffy wondered if Jones could make more things like that for the rest of the crew; the armband was cool.

Heavy, wet snow crunched under their feet as the three men marched up into the mountains. It was different than any snow Luffy had experienced on Dawn Island- denser, more packable. Great snowball snow. Knee deep, icy, and slick… For once in his life, Luffy found himself wishing he wore close-toed shoes rather than sandals; his toes were starting to turn a little blue. In front of him, Sanji stomped the snow flat in a narrow trail to make it easier for the rubber boy to walk up the hill.

A long time passed as the three men plodded along. Large, fluffy white flakes began to fall from the sky. Luffy rubbed his nose, which was starting to feel as numb and blue as his toes. On his back, Jones began shivering. She tensed not long after, as if she was in pain. That meant they'd been walking for two hours, right? That was how long Lisa's Soothing Seafoam had been lasting the last day or so. A rattling breath deposited a few drops of blood on the back of Luffy's neck.

"We need to go faster," Luffy told Sanji. The cook grunted an affirmative and redoubled his stomping efforts. As they picked up their pace, Luffy stretched his arm back to pat Jones' head. "Hang in there just a little longer. You're not allowed to die, remember? Captain's orders."

X

If the otter and the vulture weren't there, Zoro could've gotten some decent training in. Maybe he could've even gone for a swim, built up his cold resistance. But while the swordsman was okay with Jack, Mairead, and Carue by this point, he didn't trust the fluffy, grumpy newcomers as far as he could throw them. Which was probably a few hundred meters, now that he thought about it, but still…

Folding his arms, the bosun glared at the animals. The vulture glared right back; it was a little harder to tell with the otter through his dark glasses. It was a safe bet to assume he was glaring too though- the hairball was a grumpy little weasel.

"So… I thought you were supposed to be an assassin. Never heard of an assassin who'd help someone they were supposed to kill."

One of the signs the otter used to communicate slapped Zoro on the side of the head. _I_ am _an assassin_.

"Then why help us? You work for Crocodile, right? Doesn't he want Vivi dead or something? That'd be a lot easier to do with a few of us out of the way."

 _Because I may work for Crocodile, but I prefer your Jones. She understands my kind better than most humans; I want to give her a chance to keep the promise she made to me._ The otter began preening his tail. _I have_ some _honour, you know, even if it's different from yours_.

Well, that was… weird. For a moment, Zoro could've sworn he was talking to a marine, not an assassin. Mr Thirteen pulled something out of his little backpack; Zoro couldn't tell what it was supposed to be, but whatever it was seemed very important to the otter. He kept turning it over in his paws. After a few minutes, the assassin put his treasure away with a sigh.

 _I know what you're thinking, because I've thought it myself. "How can I trust them? How can I believe what he's telling me?" And believe me, hoser, I don't like you any more than you like me. Nothing I'm willing to share with you will make you trust me, so you'll just have to deal with it._

Zoro supposed that was fair. Didn't lessen his suspicions though. Well, if he couldn't leave the ship to work on his cold resistance, he would just practice sword forms until the others got back. Drawing all three blades, the bosun began sweeping through katas of his own design, the only master of Santoryu in the world. Speed, precision, power- especially the precision. A good swordsman hit only what he aimed for, no collateral damage.

Three forms in, the sound of steel pinging off bone broke Zoro's concentration. His eyes widened when he realized a pair of clam shells meeting _Wado Ichimonji_ had caused the sound. They were held by the tiny paws of the otter, who was… smiling? Mr Thirteen held up a sign with his tail.

 _I know I'm not a swordsman, and you don't trust me at all, but how about a duel? It keeps us both occupied, and you can keep an eye on me while we fight_.

"Heh. Now you're talking." It had been a long time since Zoro had heard such a sensible suggestion, and from an opponent, no less. Maybe this otter wasn't so bad after all.

X

"I should've gone with them," Lisa fretted, as she had been for the last ten minutes. Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin had been gone for about an hour and a half, which meant Soothing Seafoam was timing out. Nami reached out to pat the little girl on the shoulder.

"Are you sure you could've kept up?" the sailing master asked gently. "Those three are monsters."

"I know…" Sighing, Lisa curled up into a ball on the floor. "Sometimes I hate being little…"

This time it was Vivi who came over to pat Lisa on the head. "Don't." The princess winced as the movement pulled at her bandaged shoulder. "Keep being a child as long as you can; something will come along soon enough to take it away from you."

Nami nodded in agreement. Then something chattered behind them; Lisa jumped to her feet and was halfway to hiding behind Yosaku when she realized it was just Ruatha. The little girl laughed nervously, her face turning red. For some reason, she'd thought it was a Velociraptor. She reached out and scratched the little dragon's head; he crooned sadly.

"You wish you'd gone too, eh?"

"Geh!" Ruatha nodded and nuzzled her hand, licking her. His spit was very sticky and slimy; gross! Lisa wiped her hand clean on the edge of Yosaku's jacket.

Johnny beamed, a sound that could only be described as a quiet squee escaping his lips. "Aw, Li'l Sis is already copying Big Sis Jones. She's so cute!"

"Eh?" Lisa stared up at the blue hunter in confusion, slowly edging away from him. That just made him laugh.

"Exactly! Big Sis says that all the time!"

"How would I know that?" Lisa asked with a pout. "I barely know her." She wanted to, though. She wanted to know what kind of person would save an enemy just because they were a child and throw their life away for someone she'd been told disliked them. Not that Lisa had seen Vivi's supposed disgust with Jones herself; the princess had been rather quiet and withdrawn since they left Little Garden.

Usopp frowned. "Actually… Going back a minute- I get why Lisa stayed back, but what about the rest of us? Why didn't we go with Luffy?"

Nami shot the gunner a flat look. "Johnny and Yosaku are second-string fighters, Vivi's injured, you're best at a range, and I'm stealth and support. What makes you think _any_ of us would be able to keep up with Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin while climbing a mountain? The only one who'd manage for any length of time is Zoro, and he's guarding the ship."

The gunner deflated. "It was just a question… But if we can't go help them, what _can_ we do? A brave warrior of the sea doesn't just sit and do nothing while his friends are in danger- right?"

"Right." That was Vivi's voice, soft and quiet. The princess glanced out the window. Her eyes turned inwards, deep in thought. "But I don't know what to do either… Igaram or my father would- I guess I'm still too inexperienced."

"Don't feel bad Sis." Johnny and Yosaku moved to pat Vivi on her shoulders. "We'll think of something; we always do."

"Although Big Sis Nami and Big Sis Jones do most of the thinking," Yosaku added with a wince. Johnny let out an indignant gasp, but said nothing to refute the statement.

Lisa continued to pet Ruatha, running her fingers through feathery scales. The dragon crooned and wound around her legs like a cat. Like her mother's cat, back when she'd still had a family… The little girl shook off that thought. Instead, she tried to think of what she could do. After all, Jones couldn't answer her questions if she was dead.

Maybe… It wouldn't help right _now_ , but no matter how good of a doctor they found, Jones wouldn't recover right away. Lisa pulled a piece of thick paper out of her pocket and retrieved her palette and paints. Green for healing and growth- and _calm_ , if Jones would just keep her mind games out of things for five minutes- cut it with yellow for hope… But that was too close to Friendship Yellow-Green. Maybe a little bit of grey to darken it…

Within moments, the young painter was absorbed in her work. Her awareness of the world around her faded out as she worked on making the colour she was envisioning; when a messenger came trotting into Dalton's house, she took no notice. But the rest of the assembled Straw Hats did.

"Dalton, the witch is in Cocoa Weed," the runner huffed, leaning on his knees. "Is there anything, any treatment or medicine anyone from Bighorn needs? She seems to be in a fairly good mood; we can probably convince her to come over."

The Straw Hats, used to 'witch' referring to Jones- or occasionally Nami- were momentarily confused. Then Usopp cleared his throat. "Wait… By witch, do you mean the doctor? She came down the mountain?"

Pausing, the runner stared at the pirates. "Who're you? What do you want with the witch?"

"One of our crew mates is badly injured," Vivi said quietly. "Our captain, cook, and rigger are headed up to the castle to take her to the doctor, since Sir Dalton said that was where she lived."

"Sir…?" Dalton's eyes narrowed for a moment, full of- not quite suspicion, but maybe recognition. It was gone in a moment though, the mayor shaking himself as if he'd walked into a spider web. He turned to the runner. "Unless there are a lot of high-priority illnesses and injuries in other nearby villages, please ask the doctor to make her way back to the castle with all haste. Not that I expect she'll listen… If you think it might help, tell her there's an _interesting_ case set to arrive there soon."

Nodding, the runner took off. Usopp looked at Nami and Vivi as the man left, rubbing his nose nervously. "Is there anything we can do to help?" the gunner eventually asked Dalton. "Should we check out other towns or something, in case she's gone by the time he gets back?"

The mayor shrugged. "I suppose it couldn't hurt. If she's in Cocoa Weed right now… Checking Gyasta and Robelle might be worthwhile. Be careful in Gyasta though; they have the best skating there, so this time of year the town is full of hockey fans from further parts of the island. The final game of the playoffs is tomorrow; the village will be packed beyond belief. Robelle is much quieter, despite having a music festival this week. Scheduling major events during the playoffs is always a mistake."

"We'll keep that in mind." Nami smiled at Dalton as she spoke. All of the Straw Hats ignored the fact that they'd never heard of this hockey thing before, filing it away under Grand Line strangeness. The sailing master got everyone's attention with a clap. "So… Who's going where? This island seems relatively safe, and we'll cover more ground if we split up."

"Do we _have to_?" Usopp whined, his voice quavering a little. Nami's response was a swift blow to the head.

" _YES!_ "

Johnny and Yosaku immediately clung to each other. "We'll go to Robelle! A music festival sounds fun!"

"I guess I'll go with them to supervise," Nami said, rubbing at her temples. "Vivi, will you be okay to go to Gyasta with Usopp and Lisa?"

"Of course. Even with my arm hurt, you _did_ just say this was a relatively safe island."

Lisa looked up sharply at the sound of her name. "Do I _have_ to come? I'm working on something."

"You can work while you walk," Nami told her gently. "It's the only way to keep the groups even."

"But what about Ruatha? Can't he go with Vivi and Usopp instead?" It was so much harder to mix colours while she was walking, and she was nowhere near the hue she wanted. Lisa pouted, not wanting to risk bumping into things while focused on her work. It had happened before.

"Ruatha doesn't count as a person." Nami patted Lisa on the head. The little girl pouted some more, but got to her feet. She was followed by the baby dragon, who seemed to have decided that she and Vivi were the most acceptable Jones substitutes while his mother was indisposed.

"Fine! But I'm doing this under protest!" Not much of a protest, but still. Lisa had to trot to keep up with Vivi and Usopp as they walked out the door. Ruatha bounded along beside her for a moment, before deciding that perching on Vivi's shoulder was a much more convenient method of travel.

X

The snow was coming down harder now- no longer fluffy, it was heavy and wet, and stung exposed skin as it landed. As clouds covered up the sky, the air grew colder. Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin stuck closer together, though the cook still maintained a slight lead to break a trail through the growing drifts. The slick footing made Luffy slip a few times, already unbalanced by Jones' weight. Luckily Ghin or a pine tree was always there to catch him before he fell. Jones groaned wetly every time this happened; the red wetness on the back of Luffy's neck was no longer a few drops, but a small-yet-growing stain.

A couple of hours passed; the ground sloped ever more steeply upwards. Looking ahead, Luffy wondered how they were going to get up to the castle when it was perched atop the tallest cliff he'd ever seen. He didn't think he could Gum-Gum Rocket up something that high- and even if he could, that might hurt Jones. But if there was a building up there, there had to be a way up, so he didn't worry about it too much.

"Nya! Nuknuknuknuknuk!"

Something small and fluffy burst out of the snow, launching itself at Sanji's ankles. It was… a rabbit with fangs? Luffy smiled, unable to decide whether that was cute or tasty. If she'd been awake, Jones probably would've tried to pet it or something. As it was, the little rabbit sank its teeth into the cook's pants and was promptly kicked away. When it charged again, Sanji growled and punted the rabbit in the side and sent it crashing into a tree.

"Move it," the cook growled. "We're in a hurry, you shitty stew meat, but that doesn't mean I won't cook you with pepper and onions if you piss me off."

The rabbit scrambled to its feet and limped away with a snarl. Luffy's stomach growled; Sanji's description sounded yummy. But the cook was right- they were in a hurry. The young captain picked up the pace, urging his companions on silently with his actions. Not that either needed much urging.

They had been walking for maybe another twenty minutes when the ground began to shake. Something heavy- make that many somethings- thumped against the snow somewhere ahead. Cresting a rise, the hiking pirates came face-to-face with the little bunny again, crouched above them on a snowy ridge. Only this time it had friends. Giant rabbits, white as the snow and twice as tall as Sanji, with great bulky bodies like bears. Their eyes shone red in the cold, dim light. There were about a dozen of them, each with their fangs gleaming. Some of them drooled, looking hungry; others were more angry and vengeful.

Little paws rose and pointed at the pirates. The small bunny chittered. Scowling, the largest of the adult rabbits- one with a scar over its eye- snarled. It picked the little one up and held it securely, signalling to the other rabbits with a paw. They growled in unison and crouched, preparing for something. Luffy frowned.

"Can you bunnies get outta the way please? We're kinda in a hurry."

When the rabbits didn't move, the rubber captain motioned for his crew mates to go around. But when they tried, the rabbits moved with them, still towering over the pirates on the ridge. Luffy frowned.

"Hey! What's up? Move!" The pirates tried to go around again, this time in the other direction. Once more, the rabbits moved with them. Ghin scowled at the fanged creatures and rolled his eyes.

"Ten beri says they're man-eaters."

"Man-eating rabbits?" Sanji huffed. "What kind of stupid idea is that? It sounds like one of Shitty Longnose's stories."

Ghin responded by pointing at the rabbits' very prominent fangs, making the cook pause. Sanji huffed again, inclining his head. "Alright, fair point. Well, they're not very tough. We can take the shitheads." The cook tapped one foot against a rock, preparing for a fight.

But the rabbits didn't look like they were about to fight, and an unnecessary battle might hurt Jones. It was better if they'd just get out of the way. Luffy growled at the rabbits. "I said _move_."

The rabbits responded by beginning to jump upside down. It created a thunderous noise, giant feet tossing snow and stone in little showers with every movement. Beside Luffy, Ghin drew his tonfa and flipped them around a few times. "Don Luffy, I don't think they're about to do as they're told."

"But they're not attacking either," Luffy pointed out. Not that he knew _what_ they were doing- nor did his crew mates, judging by their confused expressions. Although that was solved quickly enough. After a few more seconds of jumping, the rabbits charge.

"You were saying, Shithead?" Sanji shouted as he flipped out of the way. Luffy squeaked and backpedaled. He didn't want to fight with Jones on his back… She might get hurt. One of the giant rabbits' paws slammed into the ground where he'd just been standing.

"Gum-Gum Whip!" Jumping up, Luffy swung his leg through two of the rabbits' legs, knocking them sideways. "We've gotta get outta here before Jones gets hit!"

"What did you think we were _trying_ to do?!" Sanji demanded, jump-kicking a rabbit that tried to bite his captain. Then he hooked his other leg around another rabbit's neck and slammed the beast into the ground. "Mouton Shot! Reception!"

"Hah! Yah!" Ghin flung a couple of rabbits up into the air with spinning tonfa, then jumped up and kicked them into each other. "They may not be hard to fight, but these bastard sure are annoying."

"Yep!" Luffy ducked under a kick from one of the rabbits. He didn't quite duck enough; the giant foot clipped Jones and knocked her hat off. Luffy stretched back and grabbed it, plopping it back on his wounded crew mate's head as he punched the offending rabbit in the face. "OI! YOU BASTARDS LAY OFF! WE NEED TO GET TO THE DOCTOR!"

Yet another rabbit tried to get Sanji from behind as he kicked one of its companions into a boulder; Ghin knocked it out of the way before it could lay a paw on the cook. There was a tremendous thud as the large mammal slammed into a snowy cliff. It was followed by three more of its brethren that were thrown by a Gum-Gum Whip. That portion of stone shook, dumping snow on the dazed rabbits.

Claws and teeth kept up a vicious onslaught. The three pirates continued to kick and toss, flinging the animals into stone. Against their teamwork, the furry attackers were slowly beaten back, battered until the bruises were visible through their fur. This angered the largest. Rising up on its hind legs, front paw raised, the rabbit leader let out an echoing roar. "KASHAAAAAAA!"

"Gum-Gum Pistol!" Luffy slammed his fist into the rabbit's chest, driving it backwards until both the beast and his fist slammed into stone. For once in his life he had to control the recoil as his arm snapped back, so as not to elbow Jones in the face. It was an unusual feeling, and such control was not made any easier by the fact that the air chose that moment to thrum with a low, distracting noise.

 _ **RUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMBLE.**_

Something shook in the stones of the mountain itself. Seconds later, a wall of white rose up over one of the ridges. The beaten rabbits bolted as the white thing came rapidly closer. Luffy stared, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

"What's that?"

Sanji's eyes went wide; the cook then turned and kicked Luffy in the side of the head, although not very hard, to avoid jostling Jones. "Idiot! All that fighting started an avalanche!"

"Oh." Luffy blinked twice before turning and bolting through the snow, Sanji and Ghin right beside him. Running through the drifts made the rubber boy's legs burn with cold and effort.

The rumbling mass of snow and stone approaching didn't have that problem. It rolled easily over each ridge as it thundered down the mountain, ripping up trees that were unfortunate enough to stand in its path. Closer, closer, closer… Soon Luffy could feel a spray of ice and broken branches bouncing off his hat, flung before that massive wall of white.

 _ **RRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMBLE!**_

They didn't run straight back the way they'd come- there was no shelter in that direction. Even Luffy knew the trees wouldn't be enough to protect them from the tumbling snow. Instead, the pirates raced away from the avalanche at an angle, hoping the new territory would yield some sort of lee or rise they could use to protect themselves. Time slowed to a standstill; what couldn't have been more a few minutes stretched on to seem like hours, the thunderous wall of snow growing closer with each second. And then Ghin shouted over the din, four of the most welcome words Luffy had ever heard.

"Over there! Take cover!"

Glancing where his rigger was pointing, the rubber captain saw a great, jagged spike of stone emerging from the ever-present snowdrifts. It rose high over their heads, despite being tilted over to form almost a sort of cave on its downhill side. In other words, it was perfect. Luffy and Sanji followed Ghin's lead as the eldest pirate scrambled under the craggy overhang.

The rumble of snow grew beyond deafening as the avalanche was suddenly rushing past them on either side. A second later came a curtain of frozen rubble arching down from above as part of the avalanche was driven up and over the stone spur by its own momentum. The cornered pirates could no longer see the world outside; existence had contracted to a tiny chamber of stone and snow. But they were safe, at least. None of the frigid whiteness invaded their haven as they waited for the avalanche to subside.

"Those rabbits were jerks," Luffy muttered, shifting Jones slightly so he could wipe the blood off the back of his neck. Sanji and Ghin nodded their agreement. Jones let out a painful, gurgling groan. Then, to everyone's surprise, she began to mumble something into the back of Luffy's head.

"Rabbits…? Idiots… Ropeways…" The otherworlder's voice was weak, unsteady, and dazed. She was still unconscious, more or less, but not for much longer. Luffy's skin crawled as he imagined how much pain she would be in when she woke up.

Sanji groaned and rolled his eyes skywards. "Of _course_ she knows a shitty shortcut to where we're going, but is too delirious to tell us. Why wouldn't she?"

"Where'd you get that from?" Ghin wanted to know. "All I heard was her calling you an idiot."

"Not now," Luffy ordered before the two could start something. Sanji, who'd been halfway to kicking Ghin in the head, put his foot down with a huff.

"It's just obvious, alright War Dog? I bet Jones woulda known how to stop the rabbits attacking like that too."

"And the Lord spake… saying, 'First shalt thou take out… the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to… three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou… shalt count, and the number of the counting… shalt be three. Four shalt thou not… count, nor either count thou… two, excepting that thou then… proceed to three. Five… is _right out_. Once the number three, being… the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou… thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards… thy foe, who being naughty… in my sight, shall… snuff it."

Luffy wasn't sure which amazed him more- that Jones was able to say so many words while still mostly unconscious, though with many pauses to cough up more blood onto his neck, or that she managed to make even less sense than usual while doing so. Unless this was one of those science things he didn't feel like learning about. "What's a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and what does it have to do with avalanches and bunnies?"

Sanji shook his head. "A hand grenade's a small, shitty thing you throw at people to make them explode," the cook informed his captain. "As for the rest… Not a clue."

Ghin shrugged. "Me neither. But I'm willing to bet that if Jones was awake right now, she'd be having one of her crazy moments, yelling at the air for making a 'stupidly forced reference' to something or other. Whatever that means." The rigger waved vaguely in the direction that Jones always flipped off when she got angry at things no one understood.

Luckily, it didn't take long after that for the avalanche to subside. Ghin dug them a way out of their sheltered overhang, and the pirates resumed their trip towards the castle with renewed haste. Jones' moans and whimpers were a near constant thing now, interspersed with the occasional mumbled words. And blood. Uncomfortable amounts of blood.

Ten minutes into their resumed trip, Luffy nearly tripped over one of the man-eating rabbits. It was the baby that Sanji had kicked, whining and digging in the snow. Dirt covered its fur; bruises were visible even through the thick pelt. The baby rabbit glanced up at the pirates and growled, but didn't have the energy to do anything more. Luffy paused and glanced down to see what the rabbit was digging up.

A paw. One of the large rabbits, maybe a parent.

Luffy reached down and grabbed the paw with one hand, heaving upwards. Taking offense to this, the little rabbit clawed and nipped at his fingers. Tiny red lines shredded rubber skin, although something so small wasn't capable of doing him any real damage. Luffy ignored the stinging as he tugged on the adult's paw.

It took a few good yanks, but soon he had the larger rabbit free and resting atop the snow. The baby crooned and licked its parent; the adult fixed Luffy with a tired stare. Nodding, the rubber captain continued on his way.

Sanji and Ghin stared at him as they resumed their hike. "What…?" The cook shook his head. "Shitty Captain… Why'd you do that?"

Luffy shrugged. "The little one was angry and scared. I didn't want to leave him alone that way."

"But what if they attack us?"

"They won't." Luffy wasn't sure why he was so certain of that, but somehow he knew the rabbits wouldn't come after them again.

No longer was their march through the snow a silent one. Jones mutterings grew more coherent- and also more pained and bubbly- as the pirates approached the base of the cliffs. She whimpered less, but that wasn't reassuring at _all_. Not when Luffy could hear pain in her struggling voice.

"…My mouth tastes like I swallowed a handful of pennies." Jones' words were accompanied by yet more blood. Luffy was honestly amazed that she was managing to spit up so much of it. He also wondered what a penny was and why they would taste anything like blood.

Glancing back over his shoulder, Luffy met a bleary grey eye. Jones didn't look like she could see at all, her unfocused gaze turned inwards. Her skin was pale and sweaty, far warmer than it should have been- Luffy could feel her fever even through layers of wax and clothing. Did that mean something had gotten infected? He didn't know…

Ghin came closer and placed a hand on the wax shell. "Jones, go back to sleep. We're almost there."

"Can't. Hurts. Wait… Where?"

"At the doctor. We're in Drum Kingdom. You know about that, right? From your story?"

"Oh… Good. Thanks." Jones' eye closed. "How's Sanji's back?"

"What?" The cook jumped and spun around. "I'm fine! Why would something be wrong with my back?"

"Don't remember… Canon… You got hurt." Jones groaned and spat up yet another wad of blood. This one landed in Luffy's hair. "Cliff or rope?"

"Again, what?" Sanji shook his head and resumed walking. "I guess I shouldn't have expected you to make sense when you're hurt, since you can't make it when you're your normal shitty self."

" _Cliff or rope?_ " Jones' eyes opened again, glaring dazedly at the cook. Sanji huffed.

"Fine, geez. Since it seems so important to you… We're almost at the shitty cliffs. You know a good way up? They're gonna be a bitch to climb."

And indeed, by the time Sanji spoke, they _were_ almost there. A towering pillar of granite and quartz rose high above Luffy's head, sheer and smooth and covered in icicles. There were few visible handholds, and those that existed were covered in a slick film. While Luffy was fairly certain he could climb it, if Jones knew of some secret stairs or something, it would make life a lot easier. And faster too.

" _Idiots_. Should've asked Dalton about the ropeways. Too far now…" Jones closed her eyes again; her head flopped forwards onto Luffy's shoulder as shivers wracked her body.

Sanji snorted. "Well, that was useless."

"Not usele- ergh…" Turning her head to the side, Jones puked onto the snow. Although, since she hadn't eaten in a few days, all that came up was more blood.

The snow started to fall more heavily as a chill wind whipped up. That would make climbing harder. Luffy burrowed his chin into thick fabric, thankful now that Ghin had forced him into Jones' coat. The rubber boy flexed his fingers in preparation for climbing up the cliffs. "Alright guys! Let's go!"

Ghin nodded and walked immediately to the based of the cliff. The rigger ran his hands over stone and ice, staring upwards win consideration. Sanji huffed. "I know we've gotta go up, but do you really think a war dog like you can sniff out a clear path? _Is_ there even a clear path? Just face it, this is gonna be shitty."

"Just checking something." Ghin pulled out one of his tonfa and spun it around so the business end was facing the stone. "Granite may be harder than steel, but it's brittle- and these cliffs are all granite. You're right, there isn't an easy way up. But I bet I can make one."

Sanji scoffed. "And what makes you think you-?!"

 _ **BOOM!**_

Ghin punched his tonfa into the stone. Shards of granite flew outwards from the site of impact; where they had been, there was now a hole at shoulder height. It was fairly deep, and level enough to make a decent handhold. Another strike, this one above his head, created a second hole. Ghin gripped the edge of this with his free hand, planting his feet in the first hole he'd made before swinging to punch a third hole above his head. The rigger then reached up to grab that hole, drawing his feet up into the one below it and swinging again to repeat the process. He glanced down at Sanji and Luffy with a smug smirk.

"You coming, Don Luffy? Shit Cook?"

Grinning, Luffy was quick to follow his rigger's example. Climbing up the ladder of holes was still tricky, but much better than trying to grab narrow, ice-covered ledges. Grumbling Sanji brought up the rear. "You and the moss ball… Just because you have a weapon doesn't make you a better fighter, shithead."

"But it does make climbing easier." Ghin shot Sanji another smug smirk as he continued to bash handholds in the stone.

Even with the handholds, it wasn't an easy climb. And it was _long_. Luffy's hands and feet started to go numb about twenty minutes in, making it hard to keep his grip. The wind picked up too. It nearly plucked Luffy off the cliff. He squinted and pressed his body closer to the stone- the flying snow and ice pellets didn't make climbing any easier. Luffy's eyes burned, but when he raised a hand to rub them, he was nearly blown off the cliff again.

An hour and a half into the climb, Jones began to shiver uncontrollably on his back. Then the rubber captain felt something warm and wet on his back and side- not the blood Jones had been coughing up on his neck, something lower down. Twisting his head around, he saw a red stain spreading on his side, its source at Jones' hand. The wounds on her arm had reopened. Luffy looked up at Ghin.

"How much longer?"

"Afraid I can't tell, Don Luffy. It's hard to see from here. Why? Is Jones getting worse?"

"Yeah. Fast."

The rigger hissed and sighed, although he didn't take a break from his bashing. "Of course… We didn't bandage her properly… It's surprising this didn't happen before."

"We weren't moving her around as much," Sanji pointed out.

"Don't worry… about me. I'll… manage." Luffy could feel Jones trying to force a smile, but it wasn't very convincing when she couldn't stop shaking. "I always… do. S'why Imma… I dunno… Forgot the words…" Jones coughed a few times, then went eerily still. Luffy couldn't even tell if she was still breathing.

"Ghin! We need to go faster!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!" the rigger retorted. "You're not the only one who's worried! If there was a way to climb up faster, don't you think I'd have pointed it out by now?"

"Sorry…" Luffy _hated_ this, hated feeling so helpless. He was trying to save his friend! She'd held on for so long- why was she starting to fade now, when they were so close?

His fingers were starting to turn blue. Luffy flexed them to try and warm them up, but it did nothing. _Everything_ was cold. Keeping his grip was becoming harder and harder with hands that didn't want to move; he didn't want to know what the climb would've been like if Ghin hadn't been there. A quick glance up and down showed the captain that his rigger and his cook were just as cold and blue as he was.

Not long after that realization, the wind began to drop. That was a pleasant relief, even if it didn't make anything less frigid. At least they were no longer being plucked away from the stone though. Once it was gone, the air was nearly silent. All that could be heard was a voice echoing from somewhere above. Luffy couldn't tell what it was saying; they were still too far away.

"Ah!" Sanji let out a yell as one of his hands slipped. Luffy released his own hold, stretching back to steady his cook before Sanji could fall off the cliff. The blond nodded his thanks as he regained his grip. "Dammit! I can't feel my fingers!"

"Me neither!" Luffy turned back up to Ghin. "Are we close to the top yet?"

"I think so! Just a li- Argh! Dammit!" The rigger's tonfa slipped out of his numb fingers. Ghin kicked out with his foot as it fell; the steel ball on the end bounced off his toes as he kicked the weapon back up into his hand. Wincing, the rigger gingerly replaced his foot in the hole with his other. "Aw fuck. I think I broke something."

"You gonna be alright?" Not another one. Cold- and not that of the island- gripped Luffy's chest. He didn't like seeing his friends in pain, especially when he couldn't do anything to help.

"I've had worse." _**BOOM!**_ Well, that wasn't really an answer to his question, but Luffy let it slide. Besides, the answer was easy enough to see. Ghin was _not_ alright, but he would be. The rigger's teeth were grit together and his jaw muscles were tense, but he was still able to climb without too much trouble. Although really, what else was there to do? They were already on their way to the doctor; not like Ghin maybe breaking his foot could change anything about that, or the cliff they had to climb to get there.

As they got closer to the top, Luffy could hear the voice more clearly. It appeared to be someone talking to themselves- and maybe looking for a pet. "Where'd that fluffy brat get to? Chopper! Come here!"

Chopper. Had Luffy heard Jones say that name before? He felt like he might have. Or maybe not- he tried not to hear when she said future things. The rubber captain glanced back to see if Jones had any reaction to the voice. Nothing. And her skin, previously feverishly warm, was suddenly ice cold to the touch. To be expected, in this weather, but the rapid change was worrying. And he still couldn't tell if she was breathing…

Then the periodic bashing above him stopped. Luffy looked up to see Ghin's upper body disappear, followed by the rest of him as the rigger heaved himself over the edge of the cliff. Yes! Luffy scrambled up after him, Sanji hot on his tail.

Tired and frozen, the pirates slumped together as they looked around. Snow, snow, snow, frozen castle, snow, snow, old woman dressed in funky purple clothing, snow, snow… Wait, what? Luffy's gaze snapped back to the old woman. He'd never seen someone her age wear something like that. And why was such an old woman up here anyway? Was she the doctor's grandmother or something?

"Who're you?" the young captain asked as the old woman approached. She glared at him.

"I should be asking _you_ that, brat." Bending down, the old woman fixed Luffy with a keen, piercing gaze. Something about her made him shake a little. It was almost like being glared at by Grandpa! Why were old people so scary?

The old woman's glare grew even more piercing, if that was possible. "Beware of the elderly in places and professions where one doesn't usually grow to _be_ old, brat." Oh, had he said that out loud? "And another thing… _I'M NOT OLD!_ I'm 139 years young!"

Scalpels flew towards Luffy's face out of nowhere. They pinged off a tonfa as Ghin spun it up to block. "Oi! Watch it! He's got a wounded girl back there- we came up here looking for a doctor."

"Oh, did you?" The old woman's face shifted into a mysterious smile. "It must've been a long, difficult journey… I suppose I can give you a discount, given all you've put yourself through. Just answer me one question…"

"Yes?" Luffy perked up. The old woman was gonna take them to the doctor soon? Excellent!

" _ **WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU IDIOTS THINKING?!**_ " The old woman didn't lay a hand on him, but Luffy felt like he'd been slapped. " _ **YOU DON'T CLIMB A MOUNTAIN IN A SNOWSTORM WITH A WOUNDED GIRL STRAPPED TO YOUR BACK! WHAT IF YOU REOPENED HER WOUNDS? WHAT IF YOU DROPPED HER? I CAN SMELL THE BLOOD FROM HERE! IF THINGS WERE SO SERIOUS, YOU SHOULD'VE HAD DALTON SEND FOR ME!**_ "

Cringing, Luffy stared at the snow. "He said they didn't have a way to contact you…"

"Poppycock! Dalton used to be a guard in this castle; he knows about the ropeways." The old woman shook her head. "I'll deal with you idiots later. Bring the girl inside; she's our first priority."

Turning towards the castle, the old woman let out a shout as she led the way inside. "Oi Chopper! Get your fluffy ass to the examination room! We've got a patient!"

"Two," Ghin grunted. He fought and failed to hide a limp in his step as the pirates made to follow their guide. "I broke my foot on the way up."

The old woman glanced over her shoulder. "Ah, you'll live. Maybe a little pain will teach you to be more gentle with injured girls, eh?"

That wasn't exactly the best thing to say to the rigger. His face turned red; his eyes narrowed. As Ghin started to swing his tonfa though, Sanji grabbed his shoulder. "Hey, shitty War Dog, a gentleman doesn't hit a lady. _Especially_ when she's probably the doctor we came up here to see."

Ghin froze, sighed, and grumbled something under his breath. Placing his weapon back across the base of his spine, the rigger lapsed into a sullen silence as they followed the old woman into her castle. Luffy, however, felt the need to speak up.

"Hey, Doctor Lady? Could we maybe walk a little faster? I don't think Jones is breathing anymore, and even I know if that lasts very long, she'll die."

The old woman didn't say anything. Indeed, her only reaction was to shoot the rubber boy a piercing glare over her shoulder. That said, her pace _did_ quicken noticeably at the word _die_.

X

Lisa couldn't believe how lucky she was. If she'd run ahead like Usopp, she would've been buried under that heap of snow that appeared out of nowhere. Not that she had the energy or focus to run ahead… Glancing up, the young painter froze in shock. The snow that had buried Usopp wasn't just any old heap- it was the edge of what looked to have been an avalanche! How had she missed it? Avalanches were supposed to be loud, weren't they?

Vivi was already kneeling in the freshly disturbed snow, working on digging the gunner out. She didn't appear to need any help- his head was already free, and his torso would be soon. That was nice; it meant Lisa didn't have to find somewhere to put her palette down. She was _so_ close to getting the colour she was looking for.

A few minutes later, Usopp was lying flat on the snow. He was unconscious, but otherwise uninjured. Vivi prodded him gently. "Usopp, you need to get up. We're almost at Gyasta."

No response. The princess poked the gunner a few more times; when Usopp still didn't wake, Vivi began to slap him gently. Still no reaction. As the next few minutes progressed, so too did the princess' slapping, until she was practically beating Usopp up. Even so, it took another two minutes for him to wake up- and by the time he did, his face was so swollen and purple, he looked like some sort of mutant eggplant.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Sorry." Vivi bowed slightly. "It was the only way I could think of to wake you up. Are you hurt anywhere?"

"…Just my face and my pride." Usopp got to his feet, brushing snow off of himself. "Geez… Aren't princesses supposed to carry smelling salts or something?"

"Not princesses who go on long-term undercover missions, no." Lisa froze at the sound of Vivi's voice. It had steel in it, something harsh and bitter. "I know I'm not a fighter, and that I've been a bit of a brat- especially towards Jones- but did you _really_ expect me to act like a damsel in distress from one of your stories?"

The accusation made Usopp flinch. He rubbed his nose nervously as Vivi stared at him. "Umm… yes?"

A stare became a glare. "I'll have you know, I've never fainted once in my life. I was one of the co-leaders of the Suna-Suna Clan!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Usopp waved his hands and backpedalled into the snow. Vivi stopped glaring and looked off to the side with a sigh.

"Apology accepted. And I'm sorry for snapping at you." The princess rose and dusted herself off. "Come on; we're almost at Gyasta. We need to see if the doctor was in town."

Lisa suspected that would be easier said than done. The town they were approaching was so loud they could hear it even though it was still out of sight over a rise. Talking, shouting, laughing, music… And something smelled _good_. Chocolate, caramel, and deep-fried sweetness… Plus something else Lisa couldn't identify. It was sweet in a woodsy way, impossible to describe.

Coming over the ridge, the chaos was indescribable. Thousands of people crammed into a village meant for a few hundred, all talking and milling about like it was some kind of party. And, well, it seemed to be- every building was adorned with colourful pennants in either blue and white or blue and red, every street lined with shining lanterns. There were vendors everywhere, selling strange sweets that Lisa had never seen before. And also beer. Many of the people were drunk, loudly revelling and singing off key. But there was no fighting- though there were two factions that kept glaring at each other. They shared the same colour schemes as the fluttering pennants.

"What's going on here?" the little girl asked in wonder. Vivi shrugged and stroked Ruatha.

"Dalton said something about playoffs, I think. Some kind of sport? It looks to be a fairly big deal."

Someone overheard them as the pirates and the princess walked into town. A big man- bare chested, but with a blue leaf painted across his chest- laughed heartily. "You're not from Drum Kingdom, are you? It's _hockey_ \- only the greatest sport to ever exist. Tomorrow's the playoffs, and its Leafs versus Seas to boot. Always a fierce one. I'm a Leafs fan myself. This is our year, I just know it!"

The man pumped his fist and let out a whoop before wandering away. Lisa, Vivi, and Usopp stared after him in confusion; Ruatha preened his wings unconcernedly. "Is it just me, or do these people have the same accent as Jones?" Usopp wondered.

Vivi shrugged. "I wasn't paying attention; too busy trying to figure out what all that _meant_. Maybe that accent goes with a certain type of crazy?"

Lisa whimpered. "Forget that- I wanna know how he can run around in this cold without a shirt on. It's _freezing_."

"Alright, let's ask if the doctor came here." Vivi winced and rubbed her bandaged shoulder. "I'll see if I can find the-."

 _Sweets_. So many things smelled so _good_. Lisa's attention wandered as Vivi told them the plan. The little girl wandered away from her companions and over to one of the vendors. He was selling some sort of pastries, deep fried and covered in chocolate, bananas, and whipped cream. A small part of Lisa wondered how far away they had to trade to get bananas to such a cold island. The vendor smiled down at her.

"Can I help you, little one?"

Pouting, Lisa folded her arms. "Do you have to rub it in? I may be little, but I can look after myself- most of the time…" She looked at the pastries, her pout crumbling as it fought with her desire for sweets. "What're those?"

"These?" The vendor laughed. "These are called beavertails- they're a Drum Kingdom specialty. Would you like to try one?"

"How much do they cost?" Lisa didn't have much- she'd spent most of her money back on the resort island where she and Mr Three had been before Little Garden. The vendor smiled.

"For a cute little thing like you? First one's on the house."

Lisa accepted the treat, although she was starting to get some creeper vibes from this guy. Once she had the beavertail in her hand, she raced back to Vivi and Usopp. The gunner jumped as she skidded into place beside him. "Ah! Where'd you go Lisa? We were worried."

For an answer, the little painter held up her beavertail before taking a bite. It was good- sticky and sweet and warm. Lisa wished she could try more of the sweets she saw everywhere. She wished Jones was here so she'd have someone to wander around the fair with- the creepy vendor probably wouldn't have creeped _her_. Usopp and Vivi were nice, but they didn't exactly inspire confidence in their ability to protect small children.

Vivi sighed. "Well, at least you're back now. No one I've asked has seen the doctor, except one man who saw her in Cocoa Weed this morning. But there are still a lot more people here."

"Do you expect us to ask _everybody_?" Usopp asked in disbelief. The princess shook her head.

"Of course not. That would take forever. But we need a decent sample, at least."

Nibbling on her beavertail, Lisa shrugged and followed her companions around the fair. Every few minutes, they would stop and ask someone about the doctor. No one had seen her. As the afternoon wore on into evening, Lisa watched Usopp and Vivi slowly lose hope. Even Ruatha was drooping.

As darkness fell, all the people in the village gathered together in a large, icy square just outside the perimeter. There were bleachers all around. No one was sitting in them though; they were all gathered around in a huge, milling crowd. Then one man jumped up on one of the lower tiers. He had spiky white hair and wore the loudest, most obnoxiously turquoise, _paisley_ suit Lisa had ever seen. It made him impossible to ignore.

"Now! I know everyone's excited for the big game tomorrow- Leafs versus Seas, whoop, whoop!" The paisley man had an even louder voice than Luffy. He pumped his fist in the air; the crowd followed his lead. "But just in case anyone's been living under a rock or something these last couple months- no offense to the folks from Craterville- let's have a quickie recap, eh?"

Usopp looked at Vivi, a sweatdrop rolling down his neck. "Do we _have_ to?"

The princess glanced around. "We can't exactly _get out_." Vivi gestured- with some difficulty- to the press of bodies around them. There was no elbow room, let along room for pushing through the crowd.

Lisa finished her treat and shrugged. "At least we'll finally figure out what this hockey thing is?" she offered.

X

Robelle was a quiet town- aside from the low rumble of a distant avalanche. Johnny knew it was supposed to be hosting some sort of music festival, but it certainly didn't look it. There may have been posters on the walls and a bandstand in the main square, but there was no music playing and the streets were practically deserted. Maybe they were still setting up? Or starting to tear things down?

He, Yosaku, and Nami wandered into a bar- if there was anyone around, it would be there. Johnny was immediately drawn to the bulletin board; it had been a while since he got a chance to pick up some new bounty posters. The ones he saw made the blue hunter whistle. These were no East Blue punks up on this board. There were even commanders from _Yonko_ crews on display.

The bartender chuckled when he saw where Johnny was looking. He put down the glass he was cleaning with a click. "He was actually in here a few days ago, ya know?"

"Huh? He who?"

A dirty rag pointed at one of the posters, a grinning man with freckles on a background of dancing flames. One of the Yonko commanders. Johnny felt his knees go weak at the thought of such a powerful pirate in their part of the Grand Line. The bartender continued with his story, oblivious to the hunter's fear.

"Yeah, Fire Fist was in here a few days back, looking for Blackbeard. Course, we couldn't help him; haven't seen the bastard since he attacked us, and good riddance. Good riddance to Fire Fist too, I say. Brat ate half my stock, then took one look at the calendar and bolted. Said something about saving his baby brother from traitors and perverts- didn't really catch it. Was too busy with the fact that he _didn't pay_. I lost 256,000 beri that day!"

"Baby brother, huh?" Johnny took a copy of the poster and showed Yosaku. "He look familiar at all?"

"Only as far as he's a world-famous pirate we've been seeing in the papers for the last three years." The green hunter was examining other posters, of pirates more their own skill level. Or at least, Big Bro Luffy's skill level.

"Will you two idiots focus?" Pain bloomed across the back of Johnny's head as he and Yosaku were simultaneously slammed into the bar by Nami's fists. "We're here to find out if the doctor came here after Cocoa Weed, not to discuss bounties!"

"Doc- oh, you mean the witch." The bartender shook his head. "Nope, haven't seen her all week. If no one fetched her to Bighorn, she probably went back up to the castle."

"Oh. That's good; Luffy and the others will catch her then. Thank you." Nami smiled at the bartender, although no such manners were forthcoming for her crew mates who she'd punched into the bar hard enough to dent the wood.

Not that they would've expected an apology or anything. Not by now. And with the doctor thing solved, picking up bounty posters _was_ back on the table. Johnny just couldn't look away from Fire Fist's grin though. It looked so _familiar_. "Are you _sure_ that face doesn't ring a bell Bro?"

" _Of course_ it does. He's been in the news a thousand times." Yosaku rolled his eyes as he collected posters for a number of more _reasonable_ bounties.

"No really! Look closer!" Johnny shoved the poster in his partner's face. "Doesn't he look a little like Big Bro? And wasn't the other one of Big Bro's Big Bros named Ace?"

"Yeah, but he'd be _Monkey_ D Ace. Not Portgas." Yosaku rapped Johnny on the head. "Use your brain, Bro. Besides, Big Bro wouldn't need saving- there's no traitors on our crew, and the only person we know who might count as a pervert is Big Bro Sanji."


	16. Crossover

**Crossing the Rainbow Mist**

 **Cross-Brain AN: The following tale takes place after the Ice Hunter arc but before Thriller Bark.**

I'll always remember this particular day. No matter how crazy things got, how close we came to dying, how much I got hurt, how much my actions affected things… quite simply, _nothing_ this half of the Red Line could be more memorable than this day.

As per usual with the most extraordinary of our adventures, the day started unusually, but not too remarkably: I woke up earlier than I normally did, early enough that only the earliest of early birds were awake. Even Soundbite was still asleep. I had taken the opportunity to slip down to the kitchen and fix myself a hot cup of cocoa and then moved to the roof of my radio room to watch the sunrise.

Everything seemed to be perfectly calm, and one of the better mornings I'd had so far. A comfortable perch on the roof, a nice mug of cocoa, a perfect, beautiful view of the sun rising on the morning mists, painting it every color of the—!

 _PFFFFT!_

"FRACK!" I howled in horror the moment I'd finished spewing my drink, dropping inside my room and running to my desk.

" _Mmm, wha…?"_ Soundbite's eyestalks blearily poked out of his shell as I wrenched the master-board open. " **Wha's goin—?!"** He choked off as I wrenched my transceiver out of its slot and triggered every pipe on the ship. " _ **SONNUVA—!"**_

 _ **BWAAAAAAAAAH!**_

Whatever my snail was about to say, it was cut off by my blaring my foghorn throughout every square _inch_ of the Thousand Sunny - which, going by the sudden roaring of Sunny's framework, not even _he_ appreciated.

Soundbite remained in post-flinch tension a few seconds longer before cracking his eye open and letting his eyestalks sag in relief. " _Oooooh thank Goda_ **it worked.** _ **It's official:**_ **I LOVE MY AWAKENED ABILITIES!"**

" _WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN!"_ the crew roared right back.

" _Did I miss the memo? Is it my birthday?"_ came Usopp's grouchy voice. " _Because if it is,_ I don't find this very damn funny!"

" _Ooooh, I don't know,"_ Merry snarled. " _Personally, I think I'm gonna be_ howling _with laughter once I start_ bouncing our third mate's head OFF THE—!"

"CRAM IT, THE FUCKING LOT OF YOU! WE'VE GOT BIGGER FUCKING PROBLEMS THAN YOUR FUCKING BEAUTY SLEEP!"

A stunned silence fell over the ship, which I filled with my desperate panting and wheezing.

" _Cross, what's wrong?"_ Nami asked, both concern and urgency tinging her voice.

Pulling my thoughts together, I swallowed my panic and mustered up what little wits I had left. "Bogey off the port bow," I grit out.

" _Alright, let's see what's… eh?"_ Boss' voice trailed off into confusion. " _The heck?_ _Cross, what's wrong with a little morning mist? Heck, I'd say the colors are beautiful… aheh, ya know, in a manly way."_

" _Wait… oh, God, y-you don't mean…_ the Rainbow Mist?!" Vivi choked in horror, suddenly sounding _very_ awake.

"The one and only," I confirmed "And for those of you who don't know it, lemme give the cliff's notes: what's coming down on us is an eldritch temporal _clusterfuck,_ and if we sail into that thing we're liable to wind up on the wrong side of either the last century _or the next one._ In short…" I drew a deep breath before bellowing at the top of my lungs, "ALL HANDS ON DECK! _NOW, DAMN IT, NOW!"_

When the sounds of rapid movement came across the connection, I knew that I didn't need to say more. Stashing the transceiver in its bag and putting it and Soundbite over and on my shoulders respectively, I left my room and rode down to the deck, where everyone was rushing into place, Merry even going so far as to hitch a ride on Carue to get to the helm as fast as possible and Nami looking at the sky and muttering to herself. As the last of our crew filed onto the deck, Nami's… surprisingly calm shout rang out.

"There's an island off the port bow, Merry. Turn the ship ninety degrees south and head for land."

"Aye-aye, turning the ship ninety degrees south and heading for land! Aiming for the cove in the shoreline!" Merry parroted, and Sunny rumbled in agreement as he shifted about. Nami took the opportunity to give me a flat look.

"Cross, were you really in too much of a panic to see that there was an island right there? You could have handled steering Sunny yourself, couldn't you?"

I winced a bit at the reprimand, but I was just as quick to bounce back with a scowl and a jab of my thumb towards the encroaching fog, which I didn't even have to _look at_ to know what it was doing. "Yes, but I'm not sure I could have handled being _chased."_

" _What!?"_ Nami barked, darting over to the railing and leaning over the edge.

I followed her at a more sedate pace and grimaced as I watched the Mist hang on tight to our ship's tail. "I'm not just worried about this thing because of the time-space fuckery it's got going on, Nami," I solemnly informed her. "I'm worried because I'm almost convinced that that thing is _alive_ , on some level _._ This isn't a Paradise menace; this is something that's clawed its way clean across the Red Line."

Nami swallowed fearfully, casting a doubtful glance at the sandbanks of the island's cove as we sailed past them. "B-But… if that thing's alive and chasing us, then how the hell are we supposed to escape it!?"

I grinned as Merry drew in Sunny's sails. "By taking advantage of one of the few ironclad rules of the Grand Line. What happens at sea…"

My grin widened as the Rainbow Mist drifted to a lazy halt at the cove's borderline, curling and swirling maddeningly but advancing no further.

" _Stays_ at sea," I nodded in confirmation. "The Rainbow Mist is a purely _maritime_ menace that preys upon vessels at large, and it can even come into port, but it _does not_ make landfall." I shot a victorious smirk at Nami. "Good thing the crew had enough forewarning to get us to safety in time, huh?"

" _RESPECT!"_ Soundbite barked.

Nami sighed in defeat, casting a wary glance at the hostile case of crypto-meteorology that was lurking behind us. "Fine, your excuse of it being an emergency stands for using that stupid horn to wake us all up. So!" She clapped her hands together, drawing attention from the whole crew to me. "Any idea how long we'll have to wait here before that damn stuff shoves off?"

"Yeah!" Mikey piped up in agreement. "We had a Sea King hunt planned for noon!"

"I wanna bust some scale-skulls!" Raphey nodded alongside him.

"Eh…" I frowned as I tried to recall an arc I hadn't been a big fan of in the first place. "From what I remember… well, as I said: on some level, the Mist is alive. Chances are it'll only shove off when it's good and ready to. One time it was only in an island's port for about an hour, but… anywhere from an hour to a day."

"Awww!" Luffy groaned, leaning his head back. "C'mooon! That fog stuff's pretty and all, but I wanna get back to sailing! Can't we just go through it? What's the big deal?"

"You did hear the words ' _eldritch temporal clusterfuck',_ right!?" Usopp demanded incredulously.

"Er… well, besides the fact that I doubt Luffy knows what those first two words mean—" Conis interjected.

"I don't!" Luffy cheerfully confirmed.

"—I'm a bit curious myself of what the danger is," our gunner continued with a helpless shrug. "I mean… getting lost in time? How does that work?"

"I'm not clear on the mechanics of that place myself," Robin answered, her head bowed and her chin in her hand. "But I do know some of the lore of the Mist, thanks to the existence of a series of books concerning it. According to the books, the Rainbow Mist is meant to act as a gateway of some sorts, transporting to a mythical 'Land of the Gods' known only as Ape's Concert."

"'Land of the Gods'," Su repeated in equal parts eagerness and fear.

"'Land of the Gods'!" Merry giggled ecstatically, all but vibrating in place.

"'Land of the Gods'?" Franky asked doubtfully.

"Land of the Goooods!" Luffy squeed, a massive grin stretching across his face.

"'Davy Jones' Locker', more like," I snorted grimly. "Don't get your hopes up, people: Ape's Concert is nothing more than a dimensionally lost roach motel of a ship's graveyard. That place is a complete and utter—!"

" _GOLD MIIIINE!"_

" **Sonnuvabitch!"** /"GAH!" Soundbite and I both yelped when Nami suddenly _squealed_ at ear-shattering levels and sprouted a _very_ luminous pair of beri-eyes.

"Countless derelict ships from all across time, gathered in one spot, _with their cargos intact!"_ Nami cackled ecstatically, a not-insubstantial line of drool escaping the corner of her lip as she gazed upon the Mist. "Sooooo much gold! Jewels! Pure _treasuuure!_ I-I-It must be in the millions! The hundreds of millions! _The billi—"_

" **Snap out of it!"**

 _SLAP!_ "YEOW!" Nami flinched as her own palm slammed into her cheek before shooting a grateful look at our resident princess. "Thanks for that."

"Ooooh, don't thank me yet, because I'm not done saving us from your greed yet!" Vivi huffed, grasping our navigator's shoulders and staring her dead in the eyes. "Nami, I actually _met_ the author of the Rainbow Mist books, and he told me about his experiences in that place! The reason why you don't hear more about the 'Land of the Gods' is that it's a _trap!_ Anyone who enters the place becomes unable to leave it because of space itself keeping them from exiting! Time loses all meaning because people within the Mist neither age nor grow hungry! The timeless years drive people mad, and they either escape through sheer luck like the author, or they _kill themselves!_ Trust me, Nami, when I say that there is _no reliable way_ to emerge from Ape's Concert in one piece!"

I bit the inside of my cheek at that. My reaction was on account of the image of a certain tower all but harpooning the Mist coming to mind, but there was no way in hell I was gonna tell—!

"Cross just flinched," Su blithely stated as she examined her paw.

"YOU FURRY LITTLE BI—!" I _tried_ to jump at the fleabag so that I could wring her neck…

"Cross."

"—GAH!"

Buuuut that dream was put on hold by my leg getting snatched out of midair, and our resident witch using an iron cloud hand to plant me in front of her, a neutral expression on her face.

"Given how much treasure is at stake here, I'll make this easy for you: tell us what you know, and I'll stop compounding the interest on your debt."

"I—w-wait, what was that?" I choked as I processed what she had said.

"I'm not going to decrease it, but I'll stop increasing it from now on if you tell us how we can get in, get the treasure, and get out safely," she repeated.

The crew all looked surprised to varying degrees, but I hardly noticed as I considered it. If there was a cap on the debt, then I actually had a chance of paying it off before I started to sport liver spots. Still… was that worth the risk of whatever could be waiting for us in that fog?

"Just for the record, here's where you currently stand," Nami added, handing me a piece of paper. I took one look at the bottom line before crushing the page in my hands.

"RIGHT! LET'S RAID US A TEMPORAL HELLMOUTH!" I barked, spinning to look at Merry. "We need an anchor to the outside to get back. In the story, a villain used a huge tower to bridge our world with Ape's Concert. But seeing how close the Mist is to the shore, we can probably pull it off with Sunny's anchor chain."

"Wonderful!" Nami said sweetly, turning towards the fox. "Su, you'll get a full percent of whatever we find in there."

"Yes!" Su pumped her paw triumphantly.

"I should've known you didn't do that out of the goodness of your heart," Conis sighed.

"Yeah… you want half of my cut?"

"As I was saying, I love you _very_ much, my darling Su!" Conis squealed as she swept her pet up in a hug.

"Hang on just a second," I piped up.

"Cross, the deal is off if you talk us out of this," Nami warned.

"That depends entirely on how much _you're_ willing to risk, Nami," I said seriously. "Even if we have a way out, the place is _still_ more warped than Kizaru's sense of justice! If we're not careful, we could wind up having brunch with our great-grand-descendants! And yes, I _know_ that none of us have kids, _that's_ the degree to which this place is whacked out of its non-existent mind!"

There was a pause.

"WORTH IT!"

I was not surprised in the least when Nami confirmed our choice. Well, if things still went crazy, they couldn't say I didn't warn them.

And so, with that final decision having been made, we started to ready ourselves to delve into the spatiotemporal abyss that was the Rainbow Mist. I could only hope that things wouldn't get _too—!_

…aaaaah _shit._ That's it, I'm doing that seminar on tempting fate, come hell, high water, or every Sea King in the Calm Belt! If only so _I don't keep getting mixed up in these situations!_

 **-o-**

Mist rose around me in every direction, thick as cotton balls. It made keeping my footing difficult; the wood was wet and slippery. Sounds were muted, when there were any to be heard at all. The impaired visibility didn't help things either. Claws dug into my shoulders; Ruatha was _not_ pleased that I kept skidding and sliding across the wrecks. I flicked him on the snout.

"You could always get down and walk by yourself, you know."

"Roh." The claws loosened, although they were replaced by a tail tightening around my arm. I sighed. The dragonet seemed determined to inflict bodily injury upon me; had ever since we'd come to this eerie place.

"Or better yet, you could've stayed on the ship. I don't need your help for this; Ghin would've been more useful, or even Johnny or Yosaku. I mean, what can you do if I fall in? Whine at me?"

"Vii!" My questions were answered by a wing-slap to the face and a pair of sad blue eyes. I spat out a mouthful of scales- Ruatha must be molting or something, because he'd been shedding worse than a longhaired cat heading into summer lately.

Actually, in hindsight, a Devil Fruit user going out alone into what appeared to be a mess of shipwrecks was probably a bad idea. But the mist had risen up so quickly, too thick for Nami to find a way through the oceanic graveyard… We needed boots on the ground. Or water, as it were. So half the crew had split up and was wandering around in search of a path through the derelict hulks, while the other half stayed with _Merry_. We'd rolled my dice to see who was in which group; this resulted in possibly the worst available combination, as Luffy, Zoro, and I were all on the away team. But Luffy took off before Nami could demand that we reroll, or even that the explorers be in pairs- which meant that Zoro was now lost and we had two fruit users with no one to rescue us if we fell.

Not that I was going to fall in, bad footing or no.

With Ruatha now pouting and silent, the sound of my footsteps was the only thing to be heard, the hollow thudding of sneakers on wood. And even that was muffled. There was something… _off_ about these mists; the deadened sound was only part of it. Then my hand met my forehead as I remembered- eerie mist, collection of shipwrecks… Ape's Concert. _Tabarnak_. Great, just great. Not only did we have to find a physical path through the wrecks, we had to figure out how to get back to our own _time_ as well. How were we supposed to do that without a DeLorean?

Plus, weren't we supposed to encounter the Mists _after_ Alabasta, if at all? I groaned and turned my middle finger in the direction of the Fourth Wall. Damn writers and their meddl-!

More footsteps, not mine- I wasn't alone. Heavy and metallic, like someone wearing armour. And they were moving fast. What at first looked like yet another broken figurehead approached through the mist, resolving itself into a young man in dark clothes, much taller than me. I caught a glimpse of blond hair as he raced past. Blinking slowly, I followed him with my gaze until he disappeared into an open door on one of the other wrecks. Huh. Wonder where he was going in such a hurry.

Well, to each his own. I shrugged and got back to figuring out where I was and how to get back to the _Merry_. Or at least, I tried. Not thirty seconds after Blondie scrambled out of sight, there was a tremendous crashing, splintering noise from the same direction he'd come from. It was followed by a great sucking splash. A shadow fell over the wreck I was standing on.

A wall of silver-blue scales rose above me, a massive body tipped in an angular head. Teeth the size of swords dripped salt water as dark eyes scanned the shipwrecks. Barracuda sea king. _Merde_. My stomach decided to vacate my body via my knees- right at the same moment the sea king saw me. And decided to go all _Finding Nemo_ prologue on my ass.

"Osti d'épais de marde!" I jumped out of the way as that huge head crashed down where I'd been standing. Getting far enough away used most of the charge I had left from sparring with Ghin last night- not that I could hope to fight something like this alone regardless. Okay, maybe Blondie had the right idea.

"Hold on, Ruatha! We're using the Sir Robin maneuver."

"Scra?"

As much as I hated running from a fight, it was the only thing to do. This wasn't a _real_ fight anyway; I was _prey_ , not a combatant. I spun on the ball of my foot and took off in the same direction as Blondie had gone. Hopefully there would be somewhere over there to hide, or a cannon or something. And until I found something like that, discretion was—in this case—the better part of valour.

I didn't expect to see Blondie again; with his longer legs and head start, he should've been well ahead of me, even in the unlikely event that I _did_ end up going in the exact same direction. So you can imagine my surprise when I found him paused on the deck of half a barge. And he must've heard me coming, since he was facing me when I skidded to a stop.

"Nice weather we're having, ain't it? Neverending fog, just gotta _love it."_

I stared at Blondie, trying to figure out if he was serious. And my crewmates thought _I_ was insane. At least I acknowledged the presence of danger, even if I did end up thumbing my nose at it and jumping in anyway most of the time. "Um… Hello? Earth to tall person? Is the thin air up there shorting out your brain? What in the Nine Hells is a bloody barracuda sea king doing in this part of the Grand Line?"

Blondie's expression mirrored Luffy's 'Are you an idiot?' look with _astounding_ precision. "Hello right back, this is the _Grand Line,_ lady. You know, the stretch of ocean sandwiched between their breeding grounds and packed to the gills with their favorite snack? You can skip a stone and nine times out of ten you'll hit one of them!"

" **The tenth just means** _ **you missed them!"**_ the snail on his shoulder cackled.

Wait… his snail was… talking? Well, yes, it was a Den-Den Mushi and they were supposed to talk, but that weird voice mashup sure didn't sound like any call _I'd_ ever heard. I stared at the mollusk. Well, there was only one logical explanation for that. I almost winced at the realization that I now automatically put those supreme avatars of BS in the category of _logical explanation._ Almost. "…I'm guessing the inverte ate a Devil Fruit?"

Both snail and Blondie rolled their eyes. "Finally! Somebody gets it!" Was it just me, or was Blondie somehow expressing both relief and exasperation at the same time?

Well, that aside… "Alright, back to the original question, and let me rephrase it. What's a Sea King doing in this part of the Grand Line _chasing you?!"_

Blondie pointed at his snail, which tilted its eyestalks in his direction. " _It's his fault!"_ They then glared at one another. " _My fault!? Are you nuts?!"_

" **YOU JUMPED ON** _ **ITS HEAD!"**_

"That was an honest mistake, I thought it was a rock! _You're_ the shitstain that chose to comment on its _body odor_ when it glared at us!"

" **It's a fish,** _ **it smells fishy!**_ _THAT'S JUST A FACT!"_

"But you don't say that to its face!"

"WHAT THE HELL'S WITH _the double-standard here!?_ **I've taunted these bastards A THOUSAND TIMES IN THE PAST,** _ **and you've never complained before!"**_

"Those times we were near someone who could kill it dead in a single hit, or at the _least_ , we had our partners nearby, you slimy bastard! Learn some timing!"

" _ **THIS FROM YOU!?**_ _THAT'S FUCKING_ RICH, ASSHOLE!"

This bickering… And a talking snail… This seemed familiar. But I could worry about that later. I used the absolute last of the force I had charged up in a stomp that shook the floor. "Guys, focus! Giant man-eating fish monster trying to eat us; blame later, solution now."

Great, now the tall guy _and_ the snail were looking at me like I was an idiot. "Excuse you, this is a coping mechanism!"

" _Yeah! Snark takes the edge off_ _ **THE IMPENDING DOOM!**_ **Helps us function better under pressure!"**

"Observe!" Blondie beamed victoriously as he pointed to the side at a… derelict Marine galleon!? "White-hat warship at 3-o-clock! Those things were built to last, so it's better footing than these wrecks! See, progress!"

" **NOW STOP DISTRACTING US** _ **AND FREAKING RUN FASTER!"**_

Normally I wouldn't have taken orders from a snail, but this one had a point. And a galleon… Very stable and relatively lightly armed, usually with demi-culverins and demi-cannon. I doubted an eight-pound demi-culverin shot would do much to the monster following us, but a demi-cannon shot thirty-two pounds; that should do the trick. I scrambled after Blondie and his mouthy passenger. Ruatha's claws dug into my shoulders as I vaulted and climbed. Still…

A tilted mast from another ship made a decent way up, though the angle made it more of a ladder than a bridge. It still beat trying to clamber up the side of the ship by hand with our hanger-on chasing after us, though. Plus, it even gave us access to an open port in the galleon's gun deck, so not only did we not have to waste time finding our way through the ship's corridors, but I could _also_ spin on my heel and pin Blondie and his pet with a glare.

"Forgive me for being a little concerned, _Monsieur Escargot!"_ I growled. "From my perspective, being lost in a place like this with a sea king on my ass is a pretty serious problem. So my being unhappy that the only other people I can find are _joking_ about the impending doom is quite understandable!"

Blondie gave me a _way_ too bemused look as he dropped in alongside me before smirking condescendingly. "Your rookieness on the Grand Line is showing quite clearly."

"And look at all the fucks I give." I made a zero with one hand as I swung my head around and searched for gunpowder and ammo. "My crew may be rookies, but we can handle ourselves well enough. Better than that, even: Captain's gonna be king of the pirates someday. Now… We're gonna need eighteen pounds of black powder for every shot. I hope it's still dry enough to use."

The galleon shook; the sea king was ramming it. Every time I passed a portal or gun port, all I could see was silver-blue scales. It didn't take long to find ammunition at least, even if black powder was still in short supply. I supposed if worst came to worst, I could ask Blondie to beat me up and then use the force to smash the Sea King's face. That might work. _Might_. I had little confidence in the idea.

"Right. If we don't find any black powder soon, I need you to—!"

After I said that, things got a bit weird because we both spoke at the same time.

"Punch me in the face. The harder, the better."/"Quick, punch my palm, and fast!"

"…eh? Your _face?_ What are you—? Bah, not questioning it, I'm sure you have your reasons, but look, rookie, this is no ordinary gauntlet: I've got a special shell in it known as—!"

"An Impact Dial? Yeah, I know what those do; I basically _am_ an Impact Dial. Among other things." Yep, Blondie was _definitely_ familiar. Where had I heard about a guy with a snail partner and an Impact Dial in his gauntlet? Eh, worry about that later.

There were a few barrels of powder wedged in a corner behind one of the demi-culverins. I yanked one open, but it was wet; practically mud, in fact. Stupid mist… How long had this stuff been here? Opening the other barrels yielded similar results. Merde…

I stared up at Blondie, trying to get a sense of him as a fighter. Tall, kinda skinny… Not a STR build. Probably INT/CHA from the way he acted. Ladies and gentleman, we have a bard. Still, shouldn't judge based on appearances alone. Luffy was even smaller, after all. "So… It comes down to a question of who can punch harder. What kinda training you got?"

Blondie gave me _another_ flat look—which I was really starting to want to slap off his face—before holding his palm up. "Would I be using this thing if I could hit harder than it could? Hurry the hell up and hit me!"

" **COME ON AND SLAM!"** His snail crowed, before flinching fearfully as the ship was suddenly rammed head on by our pursuant. " _ **BEFORE WE ALL GET JAMMED!"**_

I rolled my eyes. "As you wish." Deep breath. Ten punches, hard and fast; kiai on ten. "TAI!" Follow up with a snap kick, turn forty-five degrees for a round kick, then finish with a spinning back kick. I landed back in fighting stance.

"Think that'll be enough? Or should I keep going?" The ship rocked to punctuate my words. Teeth like swords ripped the cover off a nearby gunport.

Blondie shot a fearful glance at the teeth, waved his arm out, and nodded firmly. "Compounded with what I'd taken the time to accumulate since the last time I discharged, I'd say so. Though, ah…" I did _not_ like the way cold sweat started forming on the jackass's brow. "I just realized a flaw with this plan that would have come up no matter _who_ had the energy."

"Flaw…?" How could there be a flaw in the plan- punch each other, smash thing in face, very straightforward. "What kind of flaw? All you need to do is blast that thing in its fugly mug!"

"Yeeeaaah…" Blondie nodded slowly.

 _WHAM!_

Before flinching and scowling as we were rammed again. "And either you or I am supposed to get close enough to _touch_ that ugly face without getting up close and personal with those fangs, _how,_ exactly!?"

I felt the blood drain from my face. "That's… a very good point," I gurgled. "Suggestions before we both get up close and personal with Uncle Davy instead?"

"Uh…" Blondie's eyes scanned over the room desperately, uncertainty obvious as he came up with nothing, nothing, nothi—oh, now _that_ wasn't a look you got when you had nothing.

 _KEE-RACK!_

To reiterate, I _seriously_ hope he didn't have nothing!

"What?" I demanded. "Whatever the hell idea you just got, I don't care how dumb it is! _What are you thinking?"_

Blondie spared me a hesitant glance before nodding with determination and darting across the deck, where he started clawing at the top of an overturned crate. "I'm gonna answer your question with two of my own," he grunted. "Are you familiar with Garp the Hero…"

 _CLUNK!_

He grinned viciously as the crate's lid came off, and a slew of cannonballs rolled across the wood. "And do you know," he intoned menacingly. "Exactly which law of physics relates to the transfer of energy?"

It took me a second to connect the dots, but once they did? I _really_ couldn't keep my jaw from dropping because holy hell that was _smart._ "Newton's Second and you're a genius."

"Don't sound so surprised!" Blondie barked with laughter.

"Sorry. Not used to anyone else around here having high school science." Note to self, bash head on something for being an idiot. Later.

"Heh, tell me about it," Blondie started to chuckle.

 _ **KRAAAACK!**_

Before flinching as our footing shuddered from a titanic impact. "On second thought, tell me later! For now," He hefted a cannonball off the ground and tossed it to me. "Enough chatting."

" _LET'S GET SLAMMING!"_ his snail cackled.

I nodded as I caught the sphere of metal in my hand. "Agreed." I held the cannonball out and away from my shoulder, like an Italian waiter with a pizza tray. "Assume the position."

"Anything for the lovely lady," the smile-happy pirate smirked in agreement, positioning himself next to me, his palm outstretched and hovering next to the munitions. "Now, for maximum impact, the best place to hit would be the innards…"

" _Don't fire until you smell_ **the reek of its breath!"**

I froze up as I processed both parts of that. "Two things: first, call me a lady again and I'm kicking you in the face, danger or no danger," I glared at him frigidly, before turning a hesitant gaze towards our attacker. "And second, big problem with that plan is that—!"

 _ **WHAM!**_

I flinched as the wall of white cracked clean through the _actual_ wooden wall. "That thing is the _one_ Sea King in the world that's not _actually_ opening its mouth to attack! Got one more bright idea?"

"Uhhh…?" That did _not_ fill me with confidence, but before I could _actually_ start to worry?

" _ **HEY, BIG GROSS AND SLIMY!"**_

For _once_ I was semi-relieved by my comrade-in-struggle's shoulder-bound parasite opening its mouth, seeing as it _somehow_ made our assailant pause in the middle of winding up for its next run.

" _ **Your mama was a barnacle,**_ AND YOUR PAPA WAS A HALF-ROTTED _TROUT!"_

This really was a day of firsts, because it was _also_ the first time in my life I was grateful for a Sea King's veins suddenly pulsing with outrage. Although… Did Sea Kings feel rage the same way mammals did? Too bad trying to find out would get me killed. How would you find out, anyway? Was there such a thing as Sea King therapy? I'd have to ask one of the mermaids when I met them, or, well, one mermaid in particu—

"HRRAAAAAAAAAH!"

— _gotta_ learn to prioritize better.

Well, Sea Kings seemed to understand English, at any rate. Enormous jaws split open, drool running down each sword-length fang. Cable-like tendons tensed all over the aquatic titan's body as it prepared to leap—!

" _IMPACT, YOU SLIMY SON OF A—!"_

 _BLAM!_

—only it never actually got the chance _to_ leap, on account of my back-up ramming his palm into the cannonball and essentially _slapping it_ down the Sea King's gut…

 _ **KA-BLAM!**_

Where it detonated in a plume of fire and smoke. The Sea King's head snapped back; it let out a roar of surprise. Eyes the size of rowboats spun. Silver scales shining, the great beast twisted around and circled out, preparing for another ramming run. A tiny trickle of blood dripped from the corner of its mouth.

Tabarnak. If it came at us again, there was no time for either of us to charge up more force. What could we—? Time to roll an intimidate check. I snatched up another cannonball and started tossing it from hand to hand, a mad grin lighting up my face. "Sesehihihihihi! _Fooooolish_ Sea King! You are truly willing to risk our wrath a _second_ time? You shall pay dearly for your transgressions!"

"Indeed!" Going by Blondie's ear-to-ear grin and the way he was holding his palm out towards the not-so-wee beastie, he'd gotten the gist of my idea and was playing along to the hilt. "We have _dozens_ of cannonballs here with us, each ready to give you another world-class case of heartburn-from-hell. So unless you wanna learn what it's like to get fried from the inside out, I suggest that you turn your fishy tail around and swim away _right damn now."_

The great beast paused, uncertain.

" _Basically?"_ the Transponder Snail bared his teeth in the most menacing expression I'd ever seen a snail make - and then the air _rumbled._ " **RUN."**

That proved to be too much for the Sea King. It turned tail and fled, battered ships rocking in its wake. The turning of said tail also happened to whip up some lovely spray that got me full in the face. I dropped the cannonball and took off my glasses to wipe them clean, sagging back against a wall as I did so. Man, could that Sea King move _fast_.

There was a tense moment of silence as we waited to make sure the damn kaiju was actually _gone._ And then…

"Just to confirm, we were both _totally_ speaking out of our asses, yes?" Blondie breathed nervously.

"Straight from the large intestine," I agreed.

"Ah, right. Juuust checking. 'Cause honestly?"

A thud sounded beside me. When I put my glasses back on, Blondie and his snail were on the floor. While the mollusk was—for once—silent, Blondie himself seemed to be shaking with some sort of nervous laughter. Or at least, I thought it was laughter. He ran a hand through his hair as he brought himself back under control.

"Pffffhahahahaha! Oh man, that was a close one! We would've been so _screwed_!"

"Yeah…" My voice went quiet as I checked to make sure Ruatha was alright. Of course, the little guy hadn't had to _do_ anything but hold onto my shoulder, so he was having a blast. I don't know why I worried. Maybe because this was the third thing in the past week that had tried to eat us? Or maybe higher, if individual velociraptors counted rather than the pack…

Although… At least I'd been able to _fight_ them. The Sea King left me jittery, frustrated. I had half a mind to ask Blondie to spar with me, but considering that scarecrow build of his, I doubted he'd accept. Needed to do _something_ though. As soon as I was sure Ruatha hadn't been injured, I stood up and started pacing. The dragonet rested his chin on my head and hummed a soothing rhythm.

Eye stalks followed me back and forth. " _Barnacle-breath's_ **gone** , _**you know**_. _Someone_ **NEEDS TO CHILL** _ **OUT!**_ "

" _Forgive me_ for being a _little_ on edge when that _thing_ was just trying to _eat us_." Deep breaths; I needed to calm down. I imitated Blondie's earlier actions, taking my hat off to run a hand through my hair. It helped; I still wanted to fight something, but the desire was manageable now. Replacing my hat, I sighed. "Sorry about that. Being away from my crew in a place like this… It leaves me on edge. You know what I'm saying, eh?"

"Nnnnnope."

I shot a dry look at the bastard, who was now grinning unabashedly as he remained prone. "Come again?"

"You heard me," Blondie chuckled without remorse. "I'm confident in the fact that the vast majority of my crew can whoop major ass with three out of four limbs tied behind their backs, so I've got no reason to worry about them. And as for me, I'm a confident, combat-seasoned, badass-asskicking—!"

"BULL- _SHIIIIT~!"_ the snail cut him off in a singsong voice.

"Blow it out your nonexistent ass~!" Blondie sang right back, without even missing a beat. "Anyways, yeah, no, I'm good. This place is a bit freaky, but apart from that…"

I hummed. "Gonna side with the French food there—"

" _Kiss my shell, Indiana Nobody."_

"—I've marked enough English papers to know bullshit when I hear it. And that sounded like prime bull _moose_ shit. If you're a front line fighter, I'm a Hufflepuff. And it's not that I'm _worried_ about my crew, exactly. They can handle themselves. I just… Something about this place gives me the heebie-jeebies." Plus I didn't like being alone in strange places at the best of times.

For some reason, Blondie stared at me in confusion for a moment before shrugging and jerking his way up into a sitting position, glancing to the side with a grimace as he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, alright, I guess you've got a point on that last one. If it weren't for this damn fog, I'd have been able to call for help."

"BUT WITH THE MERRY HELL _this shit's pulling on my_ _ **senses?"**_ The snail stuck its tongue out in disgust. " **No dice, sistah!"**

"Damn. So there's no reception, eh?" I patted absentmindedly at the pocket where Samsung lived before fixing my companion's mouthy mollusk with a flat stare. Seriously, _where_ had I heard about this guy before? Something about his Den-Den was _really_ familiar. "And it's _Jones_ , actually. Go ahead and laugh."

" _MY PLEAS—_ GRK!" The snail's ear-to-ear grin was interrupted by his owner grabbing his tongue with what looked to be _way_ too much practice.

My dragonet squawked, indignant at being forgotten. I reached up to scratch his mane. "Oh, yeah. This little ball of scales is my dragon, Ruatha. Although he's more of a baby than a fire-breathing terror."

Ruatha started to preen and ruffle his scales proudly…

 _ **BZRRRRT!**_

"GAH!" Before a klaxon suddenly blared _right behind me_ and caused me to jump in shock and Ruatha to take a flying leap off my shoulder.

"HOOHOOHOO _ **heeheehee!"**_ the mucus-ridden menace cackled unabashedly, even as his owner rolled his eyes in bemusement. " **DON'T TRY TO BOGGLE US, you overgrown lizard!"**

"Bit harsh, but he does have a point," Blondie sighed with a 'what can you do' shrug. "This is the Grand Line. The lookout for one of our allies has one of you too, and hers is _bigger."_

I grabbed my dragon as he went to leap up and maul Blondie- or the snail; I wasn't sure which was his first target. "Down, boy. And at the risk of one of my crewmates appearing out of nowhere and braining me- it isn't size that counts, it's what you do with it." Cue a reflexive flinch and nervous stare, just to make sure Nami wasn't nearby. "For example… Ruatha, if you really care that much- Spit!"

"Chee!" A glob of sticky dragon saliva shot at the snarky snail. Of course, as soon as I gave the command, it occurred to me that this could be a bad idea, but too late. The mollusk started it anyways.

Uuuunfortunately, the effect was entirely nullified by the spineless stain cackling even harder. " _I'm a snail,_ **dipshit, I'M SLIMY 24/7!** YOU MIGHT AS WELL HOCK _SLOP AT A PIG!"_

"In a way, he just _did,_ " Blondie muttered acridly before shaking his head and pasting an ear-to-ear grin on his face. "Aaaanyways… I dunno how the heck you haven't recognized me by my voice yet, but I might as well introduce myself anyways. 'Voice of Anarchy' Jeremiah Cross, bane of the World Government."

He then reached up to his shoulder, plucked his snail off and held it out to me. "And this is my partner in crime, the _other_ 'Voice of Anarchy' and bane of… pretty much anyone with common decency, Soundbite."

"AKA _DA GOD A_ _ **NOIZE!"**_ the snail hollered, emphasizing his point with an air-rending guitar riff - after which he promptly adopted a grimace. " _That was_ **not SMART."**

 _Error 404: Brain not found_. My mind froze, processing everything that had seemed familiar over the last few minutes. With no one at the controls, my hand automatically reached out to pat the snail- because damn, he may have been a loud, annoying little ball of snark, but he was still above all else a _little_ ball, which thereby made him _adorable_. And hey, Samsung liked pats, so slimey snail-ness was nothing new to me.

"Gah, nononono, wait, _don't—_!" Sorry Cross, my brain doesn't have enough available RAM to understand words right now.

 _CHOMP!_

"…put your fingers… near his mouth, dammit…" Cross groaned, dragging his hand down his face.

I _was_ , however, capable of understanding the fact that a surprisingly sharp set of teeth was suddenly clamped onto my hand. Unfortunately, I didn't register what they were connected to in time, so before I knew what I was doing, I reflexively jerked my hand back to free it… aaaand sent the mouthy mollusk flying as a result. Well, with any luck he'd stick on the ceiling… which had a hole in it… _tabarnak_.

"YOU STUPID LITTLE SLIMESTAIN!" Cross roared as he shot to his feet and started dancing back and forth below the hole, arms spread wide. Thankfully, when physics reasserted itself and the invert that went up came back down, Cross was able to make a successful dive forwards and nab him before he could hit the deck.

The so-called 'Voice of Anarchy' sighed in relief as he stood back up and replaced his snail before pinning his companion with a blistering glare. "Soundbite? One of these days, you're going to need to learn how to weigh the risks and benefits of biting someone a hundred times bigger and stronger than you. _Especially_ when we're on footing patchier than Frankenstein's monster!"

"BITE ME," Soundbite rolled his eyes with a scoff, before leering as he tilted his eyes downwards. " _ **Better yet…"**_

And with that, the snail hopped backwards as much as he could…

 _CHOMP!_

"YEEEEEAAAAARGH!" And _I_ was treated to the sight of Cross running in circles like his ass was on fire… which I imagine was what it _felt like_ considering how hard Soundbite was gnawing on him.

And then everything snapped into place. I facepalmed so hard, I actually got a bit of a charge from it. "This Bites…" I whispered. _Osti d'épais de marde_ …

" _THAT'S MY FUCKING LINE!"_ Cross roared as he tugged at his partner's shell to no great effect.

"I know… Bloody fu- excuse me, one moment." I spun away from Cross in my as-usual-fruitless search for the Fourth Wall. Up went my middle finger, combined with a bras d'honneur so as to properly express how I felt about this shenanigan. "A _crossover_? Really?"

Then… "Sesehihihihihihi! Gods above and below! A _Cross_ over… Okay, this is a good one. That pun is worth a crap-tonne of shenanigans." I turned back to Cross and his snail, who'd both paused mid-run and mid-gnaw, respectively, so that they could look at me like- well, like I was crazy. Eh, I was used to that by now.

"So… Hypothetically speaking, if I told you that you were a character in a _One Piece_ SI fanfic, and I was a character in a _One Piece_ SI fanfic, and our writers were apparently getting together for multiverse-warping shenanigans, how would you react?"

Cross and Soundbite both blinked at me in confusion for a moment before Cross _calmly_ yanked his partner from his ass, replaced him on his shoulder… and then turned his eyes skyward and spread his arms wide. "A _crossover!?_ Are you out of your—!? Oh who the hell am I kidding, of _course_ you are… well, just know that this shit _never works!_ If we weren't bombing before by dint of being a self-insert in One Piece, we're sure as shit hittin' rock bottom now, _jackass!"_

…Okay, Johnny and Yosaku were right. Seeing it from this side _was_ freaky. Still, might as well snap him out of it. "Actually—!"

 _BANG!_

Something whizzed through the air, cutting between me and Cross. The noise was followed immediately by the splintering thud of a bullet punching a hole through wood.

Cross summarized the situation best.

 **-o-**

"SNIPER, GET DOWN!" I barked with all the tried and true practice of a gamer as I slammed my back into the nearest wall opposite the bullet hole, my heartbeat going through the roof as I processed _what the fuck had just happened._

Not far away, Jones dove behind a cannon and hit the dirt. "Of all the—! Why does it have to be _ranged_?" She pulled a pistol from somewhere along her belt but made a face at it rather than actually doing anything.

"I don't suppose you're as good with that thing as your namesake?" I called over tentatively.

"Um…" I did _not_ like the way she was glancing upwards. "Let's just put it this way- I am to guns as Zoro is to a GPS. My specialty is _unarmed_ combat."

" _Shoot thatta way,_ _ **MAYBE WE'LL GET LUCKY!"**_ Soundbite snorted as he jerked his eyestalks in the direction of the bullet hole.

"Oh, like you two are much better without your _mutt!?"_

Soundbite and I exchanged bemused looks and conceded the point with a shrug. "Fair 'nuff…" I mused, before sobering up as I inched towards the cannon's porthole. "Anyway, if you know who I am, you know my position, so if'n you don't mind, I'll be taking point here. And first point of order is to find just _where_ we're being shot at from. Soundbite?"

"READY!" he nodded firmly.

"Alright, then…" I grit my teeth as I clenched and unclenched my fingers in preparation. "This is gonna _suuuuck…"_ And without giving myself enough time to build up any doubt, I swung my arm up—

 _BANG! SKRANG!_

"GAH, SON OF A _BITCH!"_ And _roared_ as I snapped my arm back and clutched my hand to my chest, which, besides ringing like a bell, was absolutely _killing me._ What calibre was that asshat using, 'fuck-you' millimetres!?

Jones shot me a sympathetic wince. "Need me to get another shot out of them?" she hissed.

" _No need,_ **twice was enough,"** Soundbite informed her darkly. "SHE'S—AND IT IS A SHE— _ **about thirty, thirty-five feet that way…**_ **AND GOING BY HOW SHE'S ALMOST** _ **FIFTY**_ **FEET HIGH,** _I'D SAY SHE'S MADE A CROW'S NEST INTO A SNIPER'S NEST."_

"Oh, _did she_?" A disturbing grin grew across Jones' face. "We'll see about that." So saying, the small blonde _made_ to bolt out of the portal—

" _ **BWAAAAAH!"**_ "GAH, TABARNAK!"

Until I snapped my fingers and Soundbite forced her to stay in place with a point-blank blare.

"Owowowow…" she massaged her ears, wincing mightily, before glaring at me. "The hell was that for!?"

I responded with a decidedly _flat_ glare. "Jones, clear this up for me: your Devil Fruit has something to do with kinetic energy, obviously, and yet you're hiding from our sniper, whose bullets are only lethal _because_ of kinetic energy. So! Are you or are you not legitimately and confidently Luffy-levels of immune to firearms?"

I got an uncomfortable feeling of deja-vu from the way she grinned and rammed her knuckles together. "No idea; never tried it before. But there's gotta be a first time for everything, and I'm still in the mood for a _fight_."

I took a brief moment to glance heavenwards in exasperation. Someone help me, now I knew how my _crewmates_ felt whenever I did something braindead. "So, you decided to test that little application of your abilities against a _sharpshooter_ who has pinpoint, split-second accuracy and is aiming to _kill?"_

"Umm…" Jones expression crumbled into a sheepish and somewhat ashen look. "Okay, admittedly not my best idea. You got one better?"

"Yeah," I grunted, turning myself around so that I was facing our enemy, even as I readied my _other_ hand. "You get ready to run, while _I_ get ready for round two." So saying, I jabbed my hand out, just like last time. But _un_ -like last time, this go-around…

" _GASTRO-FLASH!"_ " _ **WHA-BAM!"**_

I flexed my palm and my partner and I proceeded to blind our assailant's senses. Effectively, too, going by how another shot went off but the actual impact wasn't anywhere _near_ us.

"GET 'EM!" I roared, darting out from behind my cover and running towards the enemy.

Within a few steps, something small and purple shot past me. Huh. Shorty was pretty fast when she wanted to be. And she seemed to be- pounding her fists together as she ran?

"Newton's Second!" _CRACK!_ Wood splintered; there was an ominous creaking noise as the mast began to fall- towards me _ohshitshitshit—!_

I hastily skidded to a halt and flung my arms up before my face, _just_ as the pillar of timber slammed down on the decks of several ships next to me.

Sadly, life wasn't so convenient as to deposit our shooter at my feet, but the crow's nest _did_ land naught more than a half dozen meters away, so I made the snap decision to leap onto the mast and run along it to the nest. With any luck, our shooter would still be stunned from the—!

 _CLICK!_

—fall _sonnuvabitch!_ I froze on the edge of the crow's nest and snapped my hands up. I briefly considered trying to work out any details concerning our assailant that I could, but my attention was a _wee_ bit distracted by the _gun being pointed in my face!_

Alright-alright-alright, I just needed to be smart about this, just needed to find an opening, just needed… to… why was the air starting to screech and howl like a pack of baboo—?

I leapt at the sniper the _second_ they hunched over due to inner-ear-induced nausea and, with only a split second to choose, planted my boot in their face with _extreme_ prejudice. The sound of their nose's cartilage snapping was _uncomfortably_ welcome, as was the sound of the back of their skull _smashing_ against the somewhat rotted wood of the ship.

After 'nudging' the sniper's downed form (read, delivering a hefty, ire-ridden kick to their ribs) to confirm that they were well and truly K.O., I proceeded to do what any sane person in my greaves would do.

"WOO!" I laughed, shooting my fists in the air.

Which, of course, was _celebrate._

"Who's a badass?" I whooped as I pointed at Soundbite.

" **WE DA BADASS!"** Soundbite preened with a flourish.

" _And don't you forget it! BOOYAH!"_ we whooped as we exchanged a high-eye.

"Osti d'épais de marde!" Jones stomped up the mast towards me, rubbing her ears and scowling in a half-decent impression of an angry Zoro. "That was bloody _loud_. Is everyone still alive over— _GYRHK_?"

I blinked in confusion as _something_ made her freeze and choke at the sight of the unconscious sniper, and I hastily stepped back as she darted past me to our assailant. Her hat shadowed her face as she crouched down for a better look. Then she spoke again, her voice low. "Um… Cross? I think we have a problem. Does this particular sharpshooter look familiar to you?"

"Jones, all I saw when I got to them was _gun._ " I crossed my arms flatly. "Why, do you recognize them?"

" _Yes_. And unless your memory sucks arse, you will too." She shot me a flat look before standing up and stepping off to the side.

I took one look… aaaaand promptly froze in the _utmost_ of horror.

"…Soundbite?" I whispered numbly. "Can you connect to Robin?"

" _ **Have you not been—**_ **waaaait, wait a second…"** Soundbite cut his indignant rebuttal off partway through, a contemplative look coming over his face before he grinned triumphantly. "HA, GOT BRAIN! _AND THROUGH HIM…_ _What is it, Cross?"_ Smugness was swapped for smugness as Robin's voice cut in.

I swallowed heavily, glancing back and forth and rubbing my neck. "…say, Robin," I finally managed to get out. "Hypothetical question for you: say I suddenly came under sniper fire and I managed to KO the sniper before getting a good look at them." I glanced skyward miserably, begging for mercy in light of what I was about to say next. "Then say that said now-KO'd sniper was your mother."

I felt a bolt of utter _terror_ shoot through me at how flat Soundbite's face became. "… _my mother. My mother who's been dead since I was a child and whose absence I feel every day like a white-hot knife._ That _mother."_

I tugged on my collar, trying to alleviate the suddenly stifling pressure in whatever way I could. "Let's… say she was present thanks to the fact that time is more twisted than a pretzel here?" I prayed to hell Robin hadn't pegged onto what I was talking about.

" _Hypothetically, of course,"_ Robin reiterated dryly.

Fuck. Well, in for a beri…

"Of course…" I whimpered weakly.

There was a _pointed_ silence for a full minute before Robin finally deigned to speak, her voice staying perfectly level the entire time. " _Well, in that case,_ hypothetically speaking _, I would be hurt, outraged, and on top of twisting you into a Gordian Knot, I most likely wouldn't speak with you for a straight month."_

I restrained a tortured moan as I dragged my clawed hands down my face. "…love these hypotheticals, keeps the brain active!" I said, my voice doing its best impression of Pica's.

"… _Mister Jeremiah."_

I was frozen for a bit before slapping my hand over my eyes in defeat. "Yes, Robin?" I groaned.

" _Did you knock out my mother?"_

"Weeeeeell…" I cracked my fingers open and stared miserably at the woman I'd assaulted in pure self-defense.

More specifically… I watched blandly as while Jones checked her condition, her pet chewed on her hairdo.

Or rather… on her _mohawk._

"Not _your_ mother."

 **-o-**

"No, Ruatha, bad." I slapped my dragon on the muzzle when I caught him nibbling on Bellemere's hair. "Nami's mom is not for eating."

Oh, Rainbow Mists- if you weren't inspired by _Star Trek: Generations_ , I'd eat my hat. Not far away, Cross was pacing and…

"Oh-God-oh-God-oh-God-oh-Goooooood I'm gonna _diiiiiiiie!"_

Was essentially all but pissing his tighty-whiteys with how bad he was flipping out, and going by the way the shell on his shoulder was shivering, his partner in noise wasn't far behind.

Unfortunately, warranted as his apparent terror was, it was equal parts distracting and confusing. Aside from a broken nose and being unconscious, Bellemere seemed to be fine. Although she'd probably have a… concussion. Ooooh… alright, let's end this.

I glanced up at the alt-Straw Hat and snapped my fingers. "Cross," I spoke up, trying to grab his attention.

Going by how he snapped his around to stare at me with wide, twitching eyes, I'd succeeded.

I rolled my eyes in exasperation, but still I put on the best air of serenity I could. "I realize you're scared, Cross," I spoke, slowly and methodically. "But please be serious. Nami is not _that_ bad."

Cross scowled at me accusingly. "You are _lying,"_ he shot back just as firmly.

"Come on, Cross!" I flung my arms wide in exasperation. "You're overreacting! What's the _worst_ she could do to you?!"

Aaaaand there was the 'are you stupid/crazy' look again. "You're _kidding,_ right?" he demanded incredulously.

"It's _Nami,"_ I reasserted firmly. Sure, she was a little too liberal with the staff-to-the-head thing sometimes, but not dangerous.

"Yeah, _my_ Nami!" Cross emphasized frantically.

I raised a finger and opened my mouth to reply… aaaaaand then I thought about what he'd just said, and I slowly lowered my finger with a sympathetic wince as I got what he was getting at. "Oooooh… yeeeaaah, you're fucked." Note to self, keep my Nami _far away_ from any and all rare Dials.

" _Ooooooh…"_ Great, now the poor bastard actually sounded like a wounded _animal._ …ah fuck it, this was going to suck, but I couldn't just leave him to his fate. No matter how much said fate scared the shit out of me.

So saying—or thinking or… narrating, whichever—I tried to reach out and pat Cross on the shoulder to comfort him, but my hand fell halfway. Nope, couldn't do it. "Well, look on the bright side." I tried to make up for it by sounding as chipper as possible. "At least we're fucked _together,_ right?"

 _That_ snapped him out of his panic in favor of pure confusion. Heck, even _Soundbite_ poked his eyestalks out in surprise. " _ **Come again?"**_

"Weeeell," I waved my hands in a so-so manner. "I _did_ drop the mast she was hiding in, right? And, I mean," I gestured at Bellemere's face helplessly. "Just look at the poor woman! Her face is so beat up, it's impossible to tell if she got hit by one person or, say… two?"

Cross gaped at me as though I were an angel come down to earth. "I would very much like to hug you right now," he breathed reverentially, starting to step towards _oh hell no_.

"If you touch me, I will track down that Sea King, chop you up, _and feed you to him as chum,"_ I promised him in a solemn whisper.

"Fair 'nuff," Cross transitioned smoothly, stepping past me and walking around to Bellemere's head. "Alright, enough dilly-dallying. Come on, Soundbite's got a bead on the Sunny and I'd rather follow the rotten-wood road while we have the chance."

I glanced down at Bellemere's ankles uncomfortably before shooting my counterpart a pleading look. "You… _sure_ you can't do it on your own?"

Really starting to hate that 'idiot' look. "Me and what muscle tone?" he demanded.

I… really couldn't argue with that, could I? _Tabarnak_ this was going to suck. I crouched down and began the awkward process of getting Bellemere up onto my back. Ruatha was _not happy_ about this, as it meant someone else had his place on my shoulder, but he could walk. "I don't have enough hands. Help me get her arms around my shoulders so I can get a decent grip on her legs without her falling over backwards."

"On it," Cross nodded, circling around behind me and heaving Bellemere's torso into position before loosely putting her arms around my neck. This was so much easier with conscious people who could hold on under their own power. At least the Marine wasn't _that_ heavy.

"Alright, let's go," I grunted, starting to trudge forwards as I tried to convince myself that I was carrying a sack of potatoes rather than something that would _definitely_ trigger a panic attack.

Keeping pace with Cross as we made our way across the broken ships wasn't exactly the easiest feat to pull off. Stupid tall people and their stupid long legs and _doubly_ stupid uneven and unstable footing. Either way, between my… _ahem,_ 'conservative' stature and my endeavoring to remain upright, I spent a lot of time looking at his back. His very stiff, tense back. Guess he was still worried about Nami's reaction, not that I could rightly blame him.

…screw it, his tenseness was making _me_ tense. Coming to a decision, I jogged for a moment so I could try to comfort him face to face, forcing a small smile into place. "Still freaking out about Nami, eh?"

"Absolutely not in the slightest," Cross ground out around the armored thumb he was gnawing on.

"THANK GOD OUR SHOW _is audio only,"_ Soundbite deadpanned, though the fact that he was sweating like a pig didn't really give his words much weight.

"Tell me about it…" I mused for a moment before tilting my head to the side thoughtfully. "Eh, try not to worry, it only makes you suffer twice over. And… if it helps? Look on the bright side."

"We are hauling the concussed body of my volatile, lightning-slinging crewmate's _mother_ ," Cross deadpanned. "What _possible_ bright side is there to this situation?"

I made my expression as flat as his. "You only have to deal with one of her as opposed to two at once."

"And just like that, I'm bouncing back!" Cross perked up instantly, his smile radiating hope and positivity.

 **-o-**

Meanwhile, back on the Thousand Sunny, Merry, who was standing on the forecastle with Franky, was staring down a spyglass at something off the port quarter. Something that, in hindsight, they really should have seen coming.

"Y'know, I'm getting the distinct impression that Cross was absolutely correct when he said that this place is a temporal clusterfuck," she remarked, her voice pointedly calm.

One bright blue eyebrow arched over Franky's sunglasses. "What makes you say that, sis?" he queried.

Sliding her spyglass shut with a distinct 'snap!', Merry indicated in the direction she'd been looking, a _very_ clear twitch in her jaw. "Because _I_ am sailing right towards us, and there's someone _very_ familiar on my forecastle."

Flicking his sunglasses up and out of the way, Franky followed her gaze towards the horizon, where a familiar sheep-headed caravel was slowly tacking towards them, an equally familiar shock of orange hair visible standing right next to said sheep's-head.

"Huh," Franky slowly blinked in surprise. "So you are."

 **-o-**

Funny, I actually did feel better about that. And hey, even if she was and would ever be Nami, she was still my friend and she had notably mellowed out quite a bit since Enies. Hell, who knows, I might just be able to fast-talk my way out of this yet!

…alright, most likely I was just bullshitting myself and we'd still both be crapping thunder for a few hours, but at least a man can dream!

Still, the feeling cleared away the last of the panic and let me think clearly again, and the first thing I noticed was that Jones' shoulders were hunched up. And looking closely, she just seemed tense in general. No idea why though; even if she was willing to stand alongside me against Nami, chances were I'd catch a load more flak than her. So why did she flinch just- aaaah, and considering the sheer level of pissed at my hug offer earlier…

"You sure you don't want me to try and carry her, Jones?" I offered. "Because you look, well…"

"LIKE SHE'S ABOUT TO HOCK _everything from the stomach_ _ **down?"**_

"I was trying to be subtle, but…" I shrugged helplessly. "Soundbite can be a blunt ass, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's always wrong."

She winced uncomfortably, but set her jaw and didn't even pause in marching onwards. "It's fine… alright, that's a lie, but don't worry about it. I just… I don't like being touched. But I can handle this." Jones' expression of discomfort turned into- yeaaaaah, that was one of the fakest smiles I'd ever seen. Alright, change the conversation, change the conversation… that'll do it.

"So, 'Newton's Second', eh?" I queried with an inquisitive look. "Lemme guess… Dyna-Dyna Fruit?"

 _Now_ Jones visibly perked up, life re-entering her countenance. "Force-Force, actually, but yours is clever. Still, mine's more accurate because it's only _physical_ energy I can deal with. See, I absorb, reflect, and manipulate force- although if I absorb too much, or too quickly, I tend to just sort of 'explode' without control. The force of impact is easiest, but I've started having some success with friction too. I'd demonstrate, but…" She shrugged, jostling Bellemere lightly.

"Oooh, neat!" I grinned eagerly. "Now _that_ is a brilliant and highly exploitable ability! What're your highest and lowest moments with it?"

"HIGHEST FOR ME WAS BLASTING _Lucci's feather-rat with mah BASS CANNON!"_ Soundbite cackled… before grimacing to the side. " **Lowest was when I let** _**a prototype of Phony slap me UPSIDE MY SHELL."**_

It took a long moment of thought before Jones answered. "Hmmm… Lowest would be blowing myself backwards off a cliff while fighting Eric… the Scythe-bastard?" she clarified at my confused expression. "Back before I knew what my fruit _did_."

I couldn't help the cheeky grin that spread across my face. "You thought it was—!"

"Yeah yeah, I thought it was _Star Wars_ , get off my ass, I was desperate!" she waved me off with a scowl. "Anyways, highest… Probably blowing up a T-Rex's head when it tried to eat me. Although I don't remember that one very well; you'd have to ask Vivi. I kind of lost consciousness right after."

"Nice!" I barked enthusiastically. "Escaping, surviving, killing and riding a T-Rex are the coolest actions you can perform concerning those things! I only managed one, but you got two at once! Seriously impressive!"

" _OH, OH, IDEA!"_ Soundbite waved his eyestalk eagerly before dropping his voice into a guttural growl. " _ **Once, a T-Rex bit Jones. And in a blood-filled, gore-soaked instant… it was dead."**_

"Sesehihihihihi!" Jones jerked forward as she giggled ecstatically. "D-Don't make me laugh! Nami really _will_ kill us if I give Bellemere a second lump!"

"Chuck Norris jokes? Really?" I deadpanned as Soundbite and Jones reveled together. "Whatever…" I contemplated what else we could talk about that didn't involve a done-to-death (if admittedly epic) meme. "So… any good movies come out recently?"

"Eh, Disney and Dreamworks have done alright, but that's not really important- although there was a new _Star Wars_ movie supposed to come out about a month after I… left." Jones shot me a curious look. "Really, though? You ask about movies, not how your own story's going? Aren't you the least bit curious?"

I shrugged with a dismissive scoff. "Why ask about the obvious? Good SIs are a once-in-a-blue-moon deal, and the One Piece fanfiction community is both comparatively minuscule _and_ polarized, with fics being either amazing or awful. And the combination of both? The lowest of both sides, bar none. Face facts, we both suck… er, in a literary way, I mean. No offense."

"None taken, and you're a bit off the mark," Jones deadpanned. "Last I saw? _This Bites!_ was pretty popular."

"Oh, yeah?" I shrugged without a care. "Eh, I guess that's nice, then. How many faves does it have? A hundred? Two?"

"Try over two _thousand."_

I nearly snapped my _spine_ I spun around so fast, but hell if I could give half a damn about that! "Ex- _squeeze me!?"_ I choked out.

Jones shrugged carelessly and rolled her eyes. "You heard me, Jar-Jar. When I left, you were on the front page in terms of reviews, follows _and_ favorites. Undeniably the most popular SI in the fandom- although I'll agree, that's not necessarily saying much on its own- aaaand eighth most popular fic overall in terms of favorites. Might be higher by now. Basically?" She freed a hand to give me a thumbs-up. "Congrats, friend, you're officially what's known as an e-celebrity."

I—? But that—! How—? _What the fu—!?_

 _J-Cross . EXE has encountered a fatal error and has to shut down._

 _Reboot? Y/N_

 _Y_

 _Reboot accepted. Formulating appropriate response._

" _WHAT?!"_

Any further responses were cut off by a loud thump on the deck behind us.

 **-o-**

My first inkling that something was wrong was how hard and ungiving my bed seemed to be. I like a firm mattress as much as the next guy, but to my sleep-addled subconscious, it felt more like a hardwood floor. Not comfy.

My second inkling was that I was asleep in the first place, though my brain was decidedly unhelpful in telling me _why_ that was a problem.

The third and most important was a finger jabbing into my ribs.

With the ease of long practice, I pried my eyes open and sat up, locking my gaze with Robin's brown orbs for a brief second, long enough for the worry in her expression to dim somewhat. It also served to reassure me; the last thing I remembered was seeing _Enrico-fucking-Pucci_ out and about on the street and then… and then… yeah, that blank spot in my memory was all kinds of worrying.

I slowly turned my head around, a sinking pit opening up in my stomach as I took in the derelict ship—a _wooden_ one at that, and massive too—we were on, as well as the multitude of others that were surrounding our perch, and the rainbow-colored mist we were enshrouded in, which was nigglingly familiar. And I dealt with that the way I usually do.

"Well, this definitely isn't Louisiana," I remarked. Unfortunately, that didn't get even a snort out of Robin, which was worrying, since she usually laughs at even my worst jokes.

"No, it's not," she agreed, glancing around. "A-Are we in the Bermuda Triangle?"

"I doubt it. Contrary to popular belief, the Triangle isn't any more dangerous than the rest of the ocean. Believe me, we've checked," I replied as I stood up, my jeans crackling. Ugh. Salt water. "Unless some rogue Stand user has set up shop there since we last checked." I frowned as I realized that in addition to not knowing where we were, I also had no idea how we'd gotten here. "How did we get here, anyway? I remember seeing Pucci on the street…"

I glanced over to Robin for answers to see her shuffling back and forth on her feet, looking away. Aw, hell, I knew what that expression meant. "I lost it and attacked him, didn't I?" I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

"Yeah, you didn't even use The Catalyst's abilities," Robin replied, her tone readily relaying what she thought about _that_ decision. "And then this fat slob in glasses stepped out of an alley and touched you, and you vanished. I almost didn't grab him—he stank, seriously!—but I used my arms to try and lock him and then I blacked out and woke up on this ship a few minutes before you did."

"Ugh, that damn priest must have been there to recruit Stand users. And got one," I groaned, moving my hand away so I could look around again. "Alright, now, where are we—"

I froze as the memory that had been tickling me since I saw that fucking rainbow mist hit me like a thunderbolt. And as someone who's actually been _hit_ by lightning (long story), let me tell you, that was pretty hard.

"Rainbow mist…" I breathed. "Son of a gun…"

"You know where we are, then?" Robin asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I know where we are. We're in your old world."

Those words got the reaction I expected: anger and fear flitting over her face, her fists clenching at her sides, and her Stand, Pompeii, springing into sight, glaring at me. Thankfully, I knew the remedy for this sort of thing.

I pulled her into a hug.

"Don't worry," I said, stroking her hair, feeling her tense muscles under my other hand. "If I remember correctly, that ice bas—guy's nowhere nearby. More importantly, you're not the same as you were back then. It's okay, we're safe…"

I made soothing noises, continuing my stroking, and slowly I felt the tension ebb out of her. Finally, I felt her push against me, which was the usual signal that she'd had enough.

"Feel better?" I asked as we separated.

"Yeah…" she said softly, brushing at her eyes. "So, now what?"

I grimaced. My rather hazy memories of this arc—thank you… X-Chick, I think it was—indicated there was supposed to be an island here. But all I was seeing were dead ships, as far as the eye could reach.

"I don't know," I answered, frustration leaking into my voice. "What I remember of this part of One Piece is both super hazy and clearly wrong. I simply don't know enough about the Rainbow Mist to know what to do."

Robin nodded grimly. "Then we should probably find somebody and see if they know more."

"Heh," I chuckled. "We'll make a Stand warrior out of you yet. That's exactly what I was thinking." I glanced up at the mast rising above the deck and pressed a hand to it, The Catalyst manifesting and overlaying its own arm. "And the first step towards that is to find a mast that hasn't been rotted through with seawater."

Stepping up, Robin gave the mast a hearty poke and then stepped back. After a brief second, the mast creaked and began to fall over, making that classic cartoon falling tree sound before crashing onto a neighboring wreck.

"Yeah, probably a good idea," she drawled.

Getting to other ships was a simple matter of having our Stands pick us up and ferry us over. Navigating the ships themselves was trickier. Salt water and the creatures within it did nasty things to ships, steel, wood, or otherwise, but it was still surprising how bad off many of the wrecks were. I didn't want to think about how long some of these wrecks must have been here to get that bad. After the first time, Robin nearly fell through a rotten patch of planking I had The Catalyst out constantly to keep an eye on the chemical composition of the wood.

And that was how, after landing on one of the more intact ships, I sensed something very important.

"Wait," I ordered, stopping Robin in her inspection of this ship's mast. I began to pace over the deck, trying to pinpoint a chemical that was in decidedly short supply around here.

"What did you find?" Robin asked, before glancing up. "And can I climb up the mast?"

"In order, I think I found fresh water, and yes, but be careful," I replied, stopping on a particular piece of deck. I could've used The Catalyst's ability to rot away the wood, but I was on the mood for something a little more visceral.

" _Oyoi!"_

My Stand's fist crashed into the deck, smashing apart the planking, and I hopped down onto the gun deck below. Another " _Oyoi!"_ brought me down to the hold, which had so far avoided being flooded, my senses pointing me to several barrels.

Picking the nearest one, I pried it open, and in it was water. Water that, once I tasted it, proved to be fresh, if a bit brackish.

"Perfect…" I muttered as I replaced the lid.

"Did you find something?" I heard Robin call down.

"Yeah, we've got water now!" I called back up. "Give me a minute!"

Getting up again was a bit tricky, but there were plenty of footholds. The only problem was when I was trying to climb out of the gun deck. As it turned out, trying to climb off of a slick iron cannon was a bad idea if you didn't want bruised shins.

"Ratchafraszin'…" I muttered as I got back up on the main deck. I glanced up at the mast, seeing Robin staring off into the distance. "You see anything?"

"Yeah, I see a ship that isn't beat to shit!"

"Language!" I halfheartedly shouted up. "Now, let's get you down before something-"

 _SNAP!_

"Yaaaaahhh!"

"Breaks!" I yelped, shifting onto the balls of my feet so I could dive in any direction. I shouldn't have worried, though; a glance up showed her hanging off the mast by the many arms sprouting from it.

"I'm okay!" she reported.

"Yeah, you seem to… have things in hand," I said, grinning.

"Snrk… That was terrible, Lee!" Steadily dropping herself down, she tapped her foot on top of my head before landing. "Terrible!"

"My great sense of humor aside—"

"Ha!"

"—you said you saw an intact ship, right?" I continued.

"Yup," Robin confirmed, dropping to the deck. "Well, mostly intact. The masts are kinda broken."

"We'll go there, then," I decided. "We have water here, but I want to find food, too. That's a lot harder to die from, but also harder to recover from, as well."

"Good," Robin said, sniffing and haughtily raising her nose. "When we are there, you shall cook me the most exquisite banquet you can!"

I stared at her for a few seconds, then shook my head and began chuckling. Oh, this was going to be good. Makes me wish my phone hadn't apparently gotten dunked in saltwater.

Robin, who had just started walking towards the ship, turned around at that, worry creasing her features. "Why are you chuckling?" she asked, her voice wavering.

"You'll see," I said cryptically, waving her forward. "Let's keep moving, okay?"

"Okay…" she said dubiously. We continued on, Robin in the lead, and she kept on glancing behind herself at me. Ah, I love it when I get to do this. And I love it even more when it's due to something that I didn't actually do! Does that make me an asshole?

Hm…

Nah, everyone enjoys a good bit of schadenfreude here and there. And not everyone's an asshole.

Secure in my logic, I went silent and focused on keeping an eye on the rotten decks. Thanks to our Stands carrying us over gaps and Pompeii temporarily patching up a few rotten spots, we made good time, and soon I could see the beached ship Robin had pointed out looming on the fog-shrouded horizon.

Still, we'd need to stop soon and take a break; Robin was beginning to flag. She hid it well, but the little quivers in her legs, particularly her calves, and the sweat running down her neck were obvious tells. We just needed to find a good, solid deck to stop on.

I was still debating where to do that when a loud squawk of "WHAT?!" echoed out over the graveyard, very loud and very close.

"Stay here!" I barked, noting in my peripheral vision Robin slumping to the deck as I dashed over to the side. Whatever this situation, throwing an internationally wanted young girl into the mix was unlikely to be a good thing, and honestly, she seemed relieved to get the rest.

The damn fog, naturally, was still obscuring things as I reached and peered over the side of the ship, but I could make out a pair of silhouettes, one person-shaped and one an amorphous blob that I recognized as one person carrying another. The Catalyst helpfully informed me a second later that the person being carried had a lot of black powder and residue on her person. Interesting.

Unfortunately, that was all the information I could get from here, and I still didn't know who these people were. I'd have to do this the hard way.

Jumping off the deck, I let the Catalyst float me down most of the way before dropping me the last few feet. An audible thunk heralded my arrival, and I was treated to two pairs of eyes shooting my way.

My mind quickly ran through the scene. On the right, young blond man, wearing a black cap, jacket, and pants; somewhat tanned, but still obviously of North European descent; bandage over his nose; armor over his forearms and shins; and a checkerboarded… Den-Den Mushi, I think they were called, on his shoulder. He also looked vaguely familiar, even though I'm pretty sure he wasn't anyone I'd ever seen before. On the left, young…

My eyes narrowed as I tried to make out the other figure's gender. Looked vaguely feminine… I'd go with female, until she indicated otherwise. Shorter than Blondie, same taste in dark clothing (black and dark purple), though with a fedora instead of a cap and a splash of red at her neck. Dirty blonde hair, olive skin that looked natural instead of tanned… and a utility belt jammed to the gills with _stuff_. I counted at least eight pouches, as well as a flintlock pistol and a sai practically touching.

Neither of them looked particularly threatening; both had rather slim builds, and only one was even armed. Still, in both JoJo and One Piece, appearance was often a _terrible_ indicator of threat level, so I didn't drop my guard.

That, and there was a third person in what I'm pretty sure was a Marine uniform being carried on Fedora's shoulders, unmoving and limp. The woman—at least, I'm pretty sure it was a woman—had dark _orange_ hair trimmed down to a buzz cut on the sides, and it was tickling my memory. That hairstyle, and the Marine uniform…

Ah. Bellemere, I'm pretty sure. I guess my memory about time fuckery is accurate.

For whatever reason—whether surprise, my close scrutiny, or something else—neither of them reacted for several seconds. Well, that wouldn't do. These people were our best ticket out of here.

Standing from the crouch I'd been in, I indicated the unconscious woman. "Friend of yours?"

"…Uh, friend of a friend?" Blondie posed.

"Close enough," Fedora nodded.

I hummed thoughtfully. "And is there any reason she's covered in enough gunpowder and gunpowder residue that I can smell it?"

" _She's a_ **sniper who just tried to give us EXTRA HOLES IN OUR** _ **bodies**_ **,"** the snail scoffed, its voice swapping in pitch, tone and even gender. " _ **NO DOI SHE REEKS LIKE A ONE-WOMAN ARMY."**_

I narrowed my eyes at the checkerboarded Den-Den Mushi, which appeared to be talking on its own in some weird radio patchwork. Could they do that? And that sense of familiarity was back and stronger than ever…

"That makes sense," I said slowly, nodding. I plastered a grin on my face, and I clapped my hands together. "So! Since it seems you're both stuck here, too, do either of you know any way to get out of here? We've got some time-sensitive stuff to take care of."

Fedora snorted. "Time-sensitive. _Here_. Please, tell another one." Her words were accompanied by amused chattering from an overgrown lizard—with _wings_ —scrambling around her ankles. Right, dragons are a thing around here. I mentally raised her threat level a notch.

"Heheh, that's a nice one, Soundbite, rewind his last sentence," Blondie transitioned from laughing to dead serious in a second as he suddenly pointed at me.

There was a brief rewinding noise from the snail before it started to speak in my voice. Okay, seriously, I knew this guy. I swear, it's on the tip of my tongue… " _We've got some time-sensitive stuff to take care of."_

Blondie tensed up and started to clench and unclench his fists. "You heard what I heard, right?" he asked his companion tersely.

"Yep." Fedora turned to scowl at me. "Tabarnak… I like a good fight as much as the next crazy person, but not when I'm carrying precious cargo."

" **Walk 'em out** _ **OR ELSE I GET THEM**_ _CHUCKIN' EVERYTHING THEY'VE eaten in the last week!"_ the Den-Den Mushi snarled grimly. " _ **And for the record? I'm not fuckin' exaggerating."**_

I resisted the urge to sigh. Man, I suck at negotiating. But then, I already knew that. Call in Koichi for diplomacy, call me if you want someone dead. Hell, even Jotaro's better at negotiating than me, and he has all the emotive capacity of a brick wall!

Anyway, I could probably take them, but I'd rather not kill our only ticket out of here, or piss off the companions they inevitably had. And I still didn't remember who Blondie was despite that nagging recognition. I _hate_ it when that happens!

"Woah, okay, let's not go crazy here," I said, raising my hands in placation. "I don't want to fight, and I wasn't planning on ambushing you guys."

Yet.

"But if it'll make you all feel better… Hey, Robin!"

"Yeah?" Robin called down from the ship above, both Blondie and Fedora exchanging glances, likely at the youth of her voice.

"Come on down, they want to meet you!"

"Aye-aye!"

There was a moment of silence, and then a mast crashed down to the deck several yards away from us, shattering into chunks of rotten wood. Then the wood crumbled into ash, swirling into a vaguely mast-shaped mass, which promptly snapped together into a pristine new mast. Robin skipped down a few seconds later, a happy grin on her face.

"Hi, my name's Robin Fung!" she said in greeting, waving her hand. Behind her, the mast collapsed back into shattered, rotten wood. "Weird name, huh? Blame this guy." That last was accompanied by a thumb jabbed my way.

Fedora's scowl morphed into what could only be called a puzzled glare, her mouth falling open with a hiss. "Son of a—!"

Blondie's reaction, however, was leagues more extreme… and rather amusing, too. Seriously, I didn't even _know_ jaws could go so low, or that a person could survive without a drop of blood in his face.

"R- _Robin?"_ he choked out incredulously.

Aaaaand just like that this wasn't funny anymore. I could see Robin's eyes widening slightly in my peripheral vision, though it was more out of surprise than fear. "Uh… have we met?" she asked.

"Or have you just seen the _wanted poster_ that's been floating around these waters?" I added, barely keeping from snarling. The Catalyst, as it's wont to do when my emotions run high, sprang into view behind me, looming ominously.

Robin opened her mouth, presumably to ask about that, but I raised my hand and she closed it. I wanted to see how they reacted to my words. I tried to watch their eyes, but that was a bit difficult, because they were looking over my… aaaah, shit, the Mist was making my Stand visible, wasn't it?

"Did I pull an all-nighter without noticing it?" Fedora wondered aloud, reaching one hand under her glasses to rub her eyes. "Because I think I'm hallucinating a modernized version of Red Skull."

…Scratch that, they can _fucking see it._ What the hell?! Do these two have Observation Haki? Oh, that would be bad news if they did.

"You… have a Stand…" Blondie choked out. Then his expression turned downright sickly as he snapped his attention back to Robin. "Wait… Stands and—!? Oh, frack me, _Bohemian Rhapsody!?"_

"How do you know that name?!" I snapped almost before he'd finished speaking, the Catalyst flashing out to grab Blondie by the throat and slam him against the nearest hard surface; the deck-edge railing, in this case.

As he gurgled, my mind was awhirl. How did this guy know about Stands, let alone one as specific and short-lived as Bohemian Rhapsody? And—

Wait.

The blond hair. The armored arms and legs, the Den-Den Mushi. Someone who's read JoJo, in a world where that didn't exist.

"—Lee? Lee!"

I blinked, seeing Robin tugging at my arm, looking angry. Then I glanced out, seeing the person I finally recognized starting to turn an unhealthy shade of blue, and Fedora in a fighting stance looking ready to jump into the fray. At a command, the Catalyst released him, letting him drop to the deck, hacking and coughing and clutching a clearly bruised throat.

"Xomniac?"

 **-o-**

"Gagh, I, wha— _WHAT!?"_ I managed to bite out as I got my throat working again. "Sonnuva, how the hell do _you_ know _that_ name!?…wait…" I glanced skyward miserably. "Oh, come on, _another_ self-insert? Dunno how the hell you jiggered things so that we don't suck back home, but I'm still serious about a crossover being a shit gimmick!"

The grizzly-looking mofo who'd just _nearly ripped my spine out_ snorted at that, getting an exasperated sigh from tiny Robin (still trying not to freak out about that), and he took a deep breath, seeming to collect himself.

"I dunno, you didn't seem to think that when you dumped Priscilla and… what's his name, that ice dragon guy from… Dark Souls, was it? Anyway, when you dumped those two in Resuscitatio. And don't even get me started on Franken Fran."

"I WAS ON A SUCCESS HIGH, I ALREADY ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I FUCKED UP!" I roared indignantly at the impudent son of a bitch. Damn it, how long was he going to hold that shitfest over my head, it'd been weeks since we'd even… talked about…

…wait a second.

" _CV!?"_ I squawked, my eyes nearly popping out of my sockets.

Jones looked from me to CV and back again. "So… You know this guy? Do we have to fight him or not? I'm confused."

"You and me both," Robin muttered. "And just so you know, he could totally kick both your asses!"

"In the flesh," fucking _CV12Hornet_ said. He then proceeded to poke Robin in the back of the head. "Also, Robin? Please don't write checks that I have to cash."

My brain stalled and jarred as I tried and failed to process just what the hell I was seeing. CV. CV12Hornet. An extremely skilled writer, my best editor. One of my best friends in the whole— _WHY THE HELL AM I STILL SITTING!?_

"DUDE!" I laughed elatedly, shooting to my feet and spreading my arms wide. I was promptly knocked off my feet by the man wrapping me up in a hug, strong arms squeezing the air out of me.

"You're alive, you crazy bastard!" CV crowed. "I told you going into a 'verse with superhuman baseline durability was a bad idea!"

"And you have a fucking _Stand!"_ I laughed back as I rammed my hands down on his back. "You went into JoJo and you crawled out the other end _in one fucking piece!_ Holy _shit_ dude, you—!… you…" I trailed off slowly before leaning back to give my old pal a bemused look. "Yooou've pulled a Joseph. Eesh, dude."

"What are you—?" CV began, before scowling. "I'm forty-six, dammit! And I like to think I look good for my age!"

"SORRY TO TELL YOU, _bub, but you look like you're pushing_ _ **SIXTY!"**_ Soundbite cackled.

"And I think you need to get your eyes checked, Squashy!" Robin interjected, adding a stomp on the deck for emphasis. "He doesn't look a day over forty-five!"

"Thanks…" CV grumbled.

" _YOU WANNA SAY THAT_ **TO MY FACE,** _ **shortstack!?"**_ Soundbite snapped his jaws menacingly.

"Oh, lordy…" I slapped a hand to my face with a groan. "I see where this is going… bah, while they're ripping each other's heads off—"

Beside us, Robin glared at Soundbite and drew herself to her full 5'5" height. "Yeah, I do! Your mother was a slug and your father was a hermit crab!"

"—wanna catch up?"

" _Ohoh, you wanna dance?_ **Bring it, cause I'm** _ **soooo**_ **scared of that knife in your face!** _ **OH WAIT, THAT'S YOUR**_ **NOSE!"**

CV eyed the insult-fest between Soundbite and Robin for a second before shrugging and nodding. "Sure. D'you want to start, or…?"

"Dude, I've been on these seas for six months, you've been in JoJo for the majority of your _life,"_ I deadpanned. "Who the hell do you _think_ has the more interesting story?"

"Still you," he replied with a smug grin. " _I_ haven't been hanging around a protagonist the whole time. Just some of the time."

"…fair 'nuff!" I grinned cockily as I started fiddling with my gauntlets. "And if I'm going first, let me cut off any 'comparing scars' nonsense early, because nothing you've got can top what I've got."

"I _seriously_ dooouoookay, nevermind…"

I revelled in the way my friend recoiled from my unbandaged arm, the vindictive joy pushing me through the sting of salt on my exposed nerves. "Yeaaaah, like a limb of molten mozzarella! Gooey and solid in all the wrong places! Touch it."

"How about _no?_ The last time I saw burns that bad, it was on a _corpse!_ "

"C'moooon, touch it!"

"Xom, get that thing away from me!"

"Touch it touch it touch it!"

"I will _melt_ the rest of you from the lungs out, so help me God!"

 **-o-**

I laughed as Cross started chasing his friend around the deck waving… not the _most_ badly scarred hand I'd ever seen, since I used to work for a surgeon, but certainly up there. To be able to meet someone you knew in a place like this, so far from home… Although, this CV person seemed a lot older than I would've expected of someone Cross hung out with on Earth. Maybe he aged differently on his alternate timeline thingy? Oh, the joys of time-warp shenanigans.

Wait… Time-warp shenanigans—I'd come to _One Piece_ about a _year_ after Cross had, if not a little longer. The manga had progressed so much… Should I warn him about Sanji's family?…wait, warn—? Oh, holy hell, _Ace._ He still thought he was free and clear on that front, he had _no_ idea about the shitstorm waiting for him! Screw it, I know I would've wanted _him_ to warn _me_ , if our situations had been reversed. The more information you had, the better it was for making plans. That was something I'd managed to learn from _him._

Something flashed across my peripheral vision as I opened my mouth to speak. No one else noticed, still engaged in their banter. Suspicious, I turned to find whatever-it-was. Were we under attack? But no, all I saw was a ratty scrap of sail that had fallen from a nearby wreck. It had something written on it though. The dripping red text piqued my curiosity; I moved closer to read it.

 _Go ahead and tell him._

Halfway through reading the note, something _flashed_ across my skin, and I was forced to lean over with a hiss when my forearms began to sting and burn. I almost dropped Bellemere in surprise. Twelve glowing lines of pain, almost as bad as when they'd been fresh. When I looked back, there was a sheet of impossibly sturdy paper lodged in the wood. One edge was lined in red; I was able to read three words before the pervasive moisture caused it to begin crumbling into pulp.

 _ **I dare you.**_

Tabarnak. This was that B.R.O.B. thing, wasn't it? Didn't want me messing with Cross' fate. …tch, fine, message received, you omni-everything fuck. Wasn't like it would matter anyways, because knowing Cross, he'd meet whatever challenges were coming head-on and grind them into the _dirt._ I paused at that thought. Huh. A lot more admiration there than I usually showed for anyone… except maybe Sensei. Hello, not-my-usual-writer.

Still, just in case… I freed one hand for a second to flip the sky off. "Merde! Fine, fine, have it your way. Just quit messing with the scars, my own writer does that enough already. And I may not be able to see you right now, but if I ever do find you… _Mon tabarnak j'vais te décalisser la yeule, calice!_ "

Slamming my foot on the note-mush for good measure, I grit my teeth and forced back the pain. It slowly subsided as I clenched and unclenched my muscles. Deep breaths; force a smile so no one would suspect I'd seen anything unusual.

Even if she wasn't all that heavy, carrying Bellemere was starting to get tiring. I'd _really_ appreciate getting to the ship so I could put her down and stretch out my shoulders; the muscles in my upper back were starting to seize up. Time to get people back on track. But how?

… _Yes_.

I crept up behind Cross while he was going after CV, my steps quiet on the worn wood. Not that I expected anyone except maybe Soundbite to hear me over the banter that was still in progress. Slipping one hand free, I reached for a famous and much-hated button, crazy grin growing across my face.

 _ **BWAAAAAAAAAH!**_

The noise hurt my ears something awful, but it was worth it. Everyone jumped, including me; I made sure my leap carried me _away_ from Cross and any possible vengeance. Five pairs of eyes fixed on me; Ruatha let out a reproachful croon of pain.

"Sesehihihihihi! Oh, that was _fun_. I can't believe I actually got the chance to do it!"

 **-o-**

I recovered first from the incredible noise of the foghorn; the one benefit of being around so many explosions in my twenty-four years in Jojo. "Dang, that's loud," I groused, rubbing my ears. "You okay, Robin?"

"My eaaaars…" she groaned from where she was curled up on the deck. "Gimme a few minutes for the world to stop ringing…"

I nodded, and turned back towards Fedora, who was looking quite pleased with herself. "Soooo. I don't think we were ever introduced and I suppose blowing our eardrums is as good an introduction as any." I held my hand out towards her. "Lee Fung, better known as CV12Hornet in online circles."

She stared at my hand for a moment before awkwardly freeing one of her own to shake it. "Jones. Also an SI, although I don't know what name my writer uses. So… What was that Red Skull thing that grew up behind you earlier? Or was I _actually_ hallucinating again?"

Again? "Don't worry, you're not hallucinating," I explained once we broke the handshake. "This is my Stand, The Catalyst." Said Stand popped into view behind me as I mulled over how to explain this. "Think of it as… a manifested fighting spirit that gives you superpowers. I'm honestly surprised you can see it."

"So, sort of a cross between Haki and a Patronus? Cool." Jones shrugged at my latter words. "Afraid I can't help with the seeing thing, if people normally can't. Between the glasses and the crazy, it's hard for me to tell. Now, since you reacted so well to it, I hope you don't mind me using you as a human shield if anyone else was pissed off by the foghorn. Like I said, I don't like fighting with precious cargo." So saying, she ducked around to put me between her and the rest of the group.

On the plus side, while Robin was rubbing her ears and glaring at Jones, it seemed to be mostly annoyance. Xomniac and Soundbite, on the other hand, looked actually angry.

"And for the record, now that I _have_ a human shield?" she spoke up from behind me. "I see why you guys like doing that!"

"WE KNOW!" Xomniac and Soundbite hollered irritably.

"Sesehihihihihi!"

"Ugh… alright, moving on," Xom groaned. "You know the story as well as I do… uh, would you prefer CV or Lee?"

I let a grin spread across my face. "Yes."

"…Right." He slapped his hand to his face with a sigh before splitting his fingers and… glancing at Robin? "So. Child Robin. Considering the setting you walked out of, I take it that my guess about Bohemian Rhapsody was right?"

I opened my mouth to respond—

"That's right!"

And then Robin cut in, grabbing my arm and grinning sunnily.

"He tried to save me from the ice guy but kept getting frozen and then this weird arrowhead cut me, and it really hurt, but it gave me a Stand." And here Pompeii - a humanoid, vaguely female figure in grey plaster and jagged black volcanic rock, Roman numerals making a clock over its chest - sprang to life and gave a wave. "So I could keep him alive and then he went and kicked the bad guy's a—butt, and then because I had a Stand I was able to stay and not go back into that comic book for weird reasons I don't get and Lee adopted me and it was awesome!"

"What she said," I interjected in the silence that followed before glancing back at Jones. "Also, maybe I should carry Bellemere from now on."

My suggestion earned a scowl, of all things. Despite looking like she could use a break, Jones was glaring like I'd just threatened to kill her dragon. "No. No, I'm good."

Well, alright then. Let her suffer in silence. Arguing with that kind of stubbornness generally got you a boot to the head. At best. "Suit yourself."

Meanwhile…

"Riiiight…" Cross stared at Robin for a second longer before affixing me with a flat glare. "For the record? If my Robin pulls a Joestar and gets a Stand by extension or association or what the hell ever and starts shifting art-styles, I blame _you."_

"Duly noted," I blandly stated. "Anyway, now that the exposition's out of the way, I hope one of your ships is around so we can sit down and hash out how the hell we're going to get out of here."

"Sunny's over… thattaway," Cross jerked his thumb in the direction his snail indicated. "We're planning on regrouping there so that Chopper… actually, now that I think about it, do I need to clarify him as 'my' Chopper?" he glanced at Jones in askance.

"Nah, I think you're good." She shook her head. "I doubt we'll need to deal with _those_ kinds of hijinks…" Her expression fell flat. "And it's not like your Chopper could be confused with mine by any sane person anyways."

"Uh…?" Robin slowly raised her hand curiously. "If they're the same person, why not?"

" _It MIGHT have_ **something to do with the fact that** _ **one is NUTTIER THAN A**_ **SQUIRREL AND** _ **strapped with**_ EXPLOSIVES," Soundbite responded flatly.

"…Withdrawn," Robin muttered, Pompeii shimmering briefly into existence and rubbing its neck nervously behind her.

"Shall we?" I interjected, indicating the direction Cross had pointed.

"Allons-y!" the relatively native pirate proclaimed as he forged on energetically.

 **~o~**

"Ah, mi casa at last!" I laughed in relief, swinging my arms out wide as the beautiful, tri-masted form of my home and steed came into sight through the mists. "It's not su casa, but he'll take you in all the same. Nice, eh?"

Lee didn't say anything for a long moment in favor of staring with furrowed brows at the ship. "…Wasn't the Thousand Sunny supposed to be a brig sloop?" he asked at last.

"That was with a ฿200 million budget. Thanks to me, we had ฿500 million, _and_ a ship-whisperer involved in the construction process." I couldn't help but shoot a cocky grin over my shoulder at Jones. "Top _that,_ rookie."

"That implies a situation where we need Sunny in the first place, asshat," Jones deadpanned.

"…also implies you make it to Water 7 period?" I offered sheepishly.

"As if we won't," Jones rolled her eyes before shifting Bellemere about with a grunt. "Look, quit rubbing your superior experience in my face and help me figure this out; I don't have enough hands to climb while holding a person." Her words were accompanied by what I was pretty sure was the dragon equivalent of a raspberry from Ruatha.

"Right, I thought the Wikipedia page for barques looked familiar…" Lee muttered, ignoring the exchange as he kept looking over Sunny. "Oh, and speaking of hands? Robin just climbed up the side while you two were arguing."

"Wait, _what!?"_ I snapped my attention to him in shock. "Why didn't you—!?"

" _Brace,"_ Soundbite droned flatly.

I hastily snapped my headphones over my ears…

"EEEEEEE!"

 _Just_ in time to dodge the supersonic shriek that came within milliseconds of rending my eardrums. Prepubescent girls: an aspect of modern life I _so_ did not miss.

Others, however…

" _Dick…"_ Jones ground out as she got a hand free and dug a finger through her ear.

"Yeah, she's got a _fantastic_ set of pipes, doesn't she?" Lee said, a smug grin on his face telling just how much experience he had with this. "Oh, and to answer your question, Xom, I didn't say anything because I try to be fairly hands-off as a parent. Oh, and because I thought it'd be funny."

" _HE'S AS_ **BAD AS** _ **YOU, PARTNER!"**_ Soundbite cackled.

"And as confusing to boot."

"GRK!" I went ramrod stiff as a _specific_ voice spoke up behind me, and I slowly turned a twitching grin up to the Sunny's railing. "H-Heya, Robin. IIII'm guessing you have a few questions."

"I'll save the ones for your… _friend_ for a later time," she cast a pointed glance at Lee for a moment before refocusing on me. "Currently, however?" She hefted… _an_ arm up, exposing the fact that her mini-me had latched onto her like a lamprey and was staring at her with particularly twinkly eyes. "I'd very much like an explanation for _this."_

"Lee, you were right!" Younger Robin giggled ecstatically as she rubbed her cheek against… well, her _own_ arm. "I'm gonna be _sooo hooot_ when I grow up!"

"Told you that brat Mikaela was just jealous!" Lee shot her a thumbs-up.

"Ergh…" I dragged a hand down my face with a groan before jerking my thumb at Jones and her… _baggage._ "Look, I'll explain things soon enough. For now, mind if I start by trying to explain _that_ to the crew?"

Robin hummed noncommittally for a moment before shrugging and conjuring a makeshift ladder of limbs on Sunny's side. "Pass her here. Best you come on first though, so that you can help me lift her up."

"On it," I saluted, hastily clambering up her limbs and waving down at Jones once I was on deck. "Alright, pass 'er up!"

" _Finally_." There was a relieved sigh as Jones heaved Bellemere up high enough that Robin could grab her and start passing her up. "Merde… I'm gonna be so stiff tonight. Make sure you watch her head, eh? And get her to Chopper ASAP."

"Yeah, yeah, I got her," I nodded absentmindedly, keeping my head on a swivel even as I hooked my arms under Bellemere's arms. "Now let's hurry up and do this before Nami sees—!"

"Before Nami sees _what_ exactly?"

A loud smack echoed from down on the shore where Lee still was.

"GRK!" I barely kept from fumbling the Marine as I shot a panicked glance over my shoulder at Nami and Vivi, who'd _somehow_ managed to walk up behind me without anyone warning me. I spared snarls at a _far_ too satisfied Soundbite and Robin (the older one I mean, damn this was going to be confusing…) before smiling tersely at the two. "N-Nami! Good timing, _great_ timing really! I-I-I was just going to go and get you! I, ah, j-j-just discovered something in the Mists you'll want to know about!"

"Yeah, funny story about that…" Vivi cocked her eyebrow at me. "See, we found something pretty incredible too."

And with that she stepped aside to reveal… an older woman who looked just like _oh bloody hell!_

"QUEEN TITI, MA'AM!" I yelped, hastily spinning around to snap her a saluuuu _oooh shit._

 _THUNK!_

I flinched as the meaty thump of flesh and bone striking flesh and bone rang out. "I can explain that."

"GAH! _TABARNAK,_ YOU DROPPED HER RIGHT ON MY _HEAD_ , YOU ASS!"

"I can explain that too."

I tried not to flinch as our navigator leaned to the side to look past me, where Bellemere was sprawled out on the deck in front of a sour-looking Jones, who wasn't rubbing the top of her head only because Ruatha was licking the spot.

"Cross," Nami asked dryly, her eyes slowly narrowing. "Would you care to explain to me why my _once-dead-mother_ is lying down there and why she looks like she got kicked in the face?"

"Er…" I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably as I tried to look anywhere but at her. "Beeecause someone kicked her in the face?"

"I thought you described your friend as 'eloquent'?" the un-deceased queen of Alabasta asked her daughter with honest curiosity.

"Eh," Vivi waved her hand. "It comes and goes with the tides."

" _Bite me,"_ I hissed out of the corner of my mouth, slapping my resident pest's shell before he could get any bright ideas.

"Would it be too crass to make a concussion joke?" Lee chose that exact time to _very helpfully_ cut in as he climbed up the side. "Because this is, what, the third time she's gotten knocked on the head today?"

"Only the second, you bastard!" I called down acridly, before flinching as Nami's fingers dug furrows into the railing. "Aaaaand that is _so_ not helping my case, is it?"

"No. No, it's not." Hands appeared on the rail as Jones heaved herself up. Ruatha came up separately, and a little ways away- dragon must have good instincts for avoiding trouble. Jones sighed. "Anyways, look… Nami, my name is Jones. I know you might not know me, but I just want you to hear me out: Cross might be an idiot—!"

"Oi!"

"—But to be fair, this time this mess isn't _entirely_ his fault."

"OI!"

Jones shot a glare at me before looking at Nami regretfully. "As I was saying… yes, some of it was me, and I'm really sorry about hurting your mother. Feel free to exact your pounds of flesh as needed, just don't hurt us too bad; can't have Soundbite and Ruatha becoming orphans now, can we?"

For the longest time, Nami just stood in place, spinning her Clima-Tact, at her side. Finally, she thunked it in place at her side and heaved a sigh. "I'm… actually _not_ going to hurt you two."

It was like some great divinity had chosen to _smile_ upon us, my heart felt so light. "Really?" I breathed euphorically, tears of hope glistening in my eyes.

"You're serious!?" Jones asked in shock.

"Entirely," Nami nodded solemnly, gesturing at her ear. "See, after a recent incident? I have a bit of a hard time working up as much temper as I could before. I'm not exactly _happy_ about this situation, by no stretch of the imagination, but I'm certainly not going to fly off the handle and _maul_ the both of you. So yeah, you don't need to worry about me."

I was sitting on Cloud 9, but apparently, Jones was a bit more distrustful, if the sheen of sweat on her brow was anything to go by. "And… why doesn't that reassure me? _At all?_ "

"Oh, that's an easy one," Nami's suddenly _demonic_ smile killed my joy cold, and the way she snapped the Eisen-section off her staff and started tossing it up and down in her palm didn't help either. "See, without my temper, I can't really get riled up enough to do shit to you."

Without warning, Nami tossed the tube of metal to the side, and I traced its flight through the air - before locking up in terror as a positively _irate_ Nami snatched it out of the air.

"That's why _she's_ here," my Nami smirked as she walked over to her alternate, carrying Bellemere on her back as she walked around the stormfront that was rapidly expanding behind her double. "I'd wish you good luck… buuut honestly I really hope that this _hurts."_

"You." The alt-Nami hissed murderously, a downright deadly look in her eyes as the clouds around her roiled and snapped grimly. "Concussed. My _mother."_

 **-o-**

White nibbled at the edges of my vision; I felt like I was about to faint. "Parlay?" I offered weakly- not that I really expected anything to come of it. And surprise, surprise, nothing did, unless you count my Nami - my normal, un-altered, _still_ rage-filled Nami - turning her terrifying gaze on _me_.

"You. Concussed. My. _Mother_ ," she hissed.

And then… the air _exploded._

"YOU _IDIOTS!_ "

A wave of solid cloud slammed into me and Cross before we could say shit, taking us clean off our feet and pinning us to the galley wall with bruising force.

My first reaction? Ow. My second reaction? _Owwwww_. Tabarnak, clouds were _not_ supposed to be this hard. Funny how _that_ was the first thing to go through my head, instead of something like 'oh crap, the Namis have met,' or 'don't cross the streams.' Although it was probably a little late for the latter. I gasped, trying to get my wind back, but apparently Cross got there first.

"N-Nami!" he wheezed frantically, struggling against his binds. "I-I know you're pissed at us, but if you'll just let me explain-!"

"Gag him," the _This Bites!_ Nami instructed mine coolly as she examined her fingernails.

"— _MMPH!?"_ Cross let out a muffled howl as a tendril of iron cloud clamped down over his mouth.

 _This Bites!_ Vivi—ah, screw it, I'm not doing that forever—TB!Vivi whistled in awe. "Wow, that was actually impressive."

Titi tilted her head towards her daughter, her attention never leaving our pinned forms. "Yes, this _is_ quite the impressive display of how unique the Grand Line can be, isn't it?"

"Hm?" TB!Vivi blinked at her mother in confusion before 'ah'ing in understanding. "Oh, no, not that, our Nami has those clouds out 24/7, they're practically her own personal aura. _I_ was talking about her gagging Cross. Smartest thing anyone's ever done in a fight against him by far."

"MMPH MU!" Cross let out a smothered roar at her.

"Language!" Lee laughed up at him.

"MMH MPH!" The anarchy-raiser snapped his glare to his old friend, who only reacted with a smile and wave.

My Nami shot a glance at TB!Nami. "Should I do something about the snail too? Or is it just there for decoration?"

TB!Nami—man, this was confusing—thought for a moment, then waved her off. "Nah, it's fine. Not like it would stick anyways, and without the puppetmaster he's mostly harmless."

" _ **OI!"**_ Soundbite roared indignantly.

"Oh, so you're saying that _you_ know how to break someone's spirit with just a few words?" TB!Nami questioned flatly.

" **I—!"** Soundbite started to bark before glancing to the side uncertainly. " **Alright fine, emotional torture is** _and always will be_ CROSS'S FORTE." He then perked up eagerly. " _ **On the other hand,**_ **PHYSICAL TORTURE** _OF THE AUDIAL VARIETY_ _ **IS MY FORTISSISSIMO!"**_

"Nice pun," Lee remarked.

"MRPH!" Cross flailed furiously.

" _ENOUGH."_

All conversation stopped as my Nami's voice lashed out over the deck.

Then, eyes a few millimeters of blood pressure away from glowing red, she advanced on us until she was just out of kicking range. The clouds tightened around us, a promise inherent in their binds. "Jones… I'll give you one chance to tell me _who kicked my mother's face in_. And I'm warning you now." She snapped her finger over her shoulder to point at where both Robins were watching over the KO'd Marine. "You might be my friend, but that is my _mother._ So! If I wind up being unhappy with the answer…" Her grip on the metal tube tightened to the point where her knuckles popped.

Nope, not saying anything. I'm not a snitch. Biting my lip, I did my best to avoid Nami's gaze. Hopefully she'd get whatever punishment she had in mind over with quickly and we could move past—!

" _It was Jones!"_

WHAT.

" _MRPH?!"_ Cross squawked just as incredulously.

" _YOU HEARD ME!"_ Soundbite cackled madly, his eyestalks jabbing in my direction. "SCARFACE HERE _decided to punt the Marine dead center!_ _ **Quite viciously too, I might add!"**_

Oh, that little… "YOU FOUL, SCHEMING LITTLE _TURD_ OF POND SCUM!" I spat at the slimy shit, straining at him as much as physically possible. "I SHOULD BAKE YOU IN GARLIC BUTTER AND SERVE YOU WITH FRENCH BREAD! AND I HOPE THAT WHEN YOU GET REINCARNATED, IT'S INTO A FUCKING _SALT-SHAKER!_ "

" _ **Bring it the hell on, you two-faced, TWO-MINDED,**_ **HALF-BAKED Impact Dial!"** the slimy git leered. " _I ain't goin' down for the shit YOU'VE DONE!"_

Half-baked? _Half-baked_? Oh, we'd see who was half-baked. "When I get out of here, I'm going to shove my ' _half-baked'_ Newton's Second down your—GAH!"

" _ **GYRK!"**_

"Oh, will you both just SHUT UP?!" The clouds tightened even further, also extending to wrap around Soundbite. If my Nami wasn't livid before, she was now. Oops. "I don't care who, but _someone_ better give me a straight answer, or—!"

"Well, I'm no doctor," Lee cut in from where he had moved to examine Bellemere. "But besides the boot to the face, from the bruising and her pupils she took a nasty fall onto her side, and also a bright light in her face. Which of those two does that sound like?"

The Namis looked at each other. "Bright light sounds like Cross' Gastro-Flash," TB!Nami offered. My Nami's expression darkened.

"And Jones tends to blow up and throw people across the battlefield. So it was _both_ of them. Thank you."

"You're welcome!" Lee cheerfully replied. "So, what're you gonna do—?"

Suddenly, crackling noises filled the air and the atmosphere _reeked_ of ozone.

TB!Nami's eyes shot wide as she shot her hand to her suddenly lighter hip. " _Shit!_ Nonono, wait—!"

Lee, too, looked rather panicked. "Shit!" The Catalyst sprang to life. "Stop!"

 _Tabarnak_. This wasn't gonna be pretty. Sparks began to dance around the iron clouds, blue and white and gold. Tiny zaps of static- like you get from a wool carpet- preceded the incoming storm. I grit my teeth and closed my eyes, bracing myself for pain.

" _OKAY, HAPPY-HAPPY-FUNTIME_ **STOPS HERE!** _**SUCK IT!**_ "

No- no pain? "Eh?" I cracked an eye open. Nami- my Nami- was kneeling on the ground, her hands over her ears, looking like she was about to vomit. TB!Nami stood over her, clutching two thirds of a Clima-Tact. The iron clouds receded, dropping me and Cross to the deck with a thud. Not far away, I heard a groan in a vaguely familiar voice. Oh, good, Bellemere was waking up.

Both Namis froze at that sound. They turned in slow unison to look at the red-headed Marine. Cross and I were forgotten in a clatter of heels as the navigators raced across the deck to check on their mother. I let out a sigh of relief at the lack of lightning treatment.

" _Bellemere_!" The Marine was engulfed in hugs as soon as she made to sit up. Both Namis looked like they might start crying at any moment; Bellemere, for her part, was totally confused.

"N-Nami?" Glancing at the two women hugging her didn't help the Marine's confusion. She reached up to wipe blood from her face, wincing as she touched her nose. "This- This is a dream, right? Because last time I checked, you were three years old, and I'm pretty sure I didn't have twins."

"If it _is_ a dream, I'm not sure I want to wake up." My Nami glanced back at me out of the corner of my eye. "It's almost good enough for me to forgive those idiots for what they did."

"Really?" I couldn't quite keep the eagerness out of my voice. Beside me, Cross sagged in relief. Half a second later, a thrown bottle bounced off my head. Nami smiled.

"Okay, _now_ I can forgive them."

"Ow…" I grumbled, rubbing the spot where the bottle had hit me. Thankfully, both Namis were now focused entirely on their tearful reunion with their mother, leaving only TB!Vivi, who was looking thoughtfully at me, and her mother Titi, who seemed content to just watch with an amused smile on her face.

Actually, Vivi was outright staring at me. And then she was staring at Lee. And then back at me. Creepy…

"So, which one of you is Cross's?" she asked.

Lee shot a confused glance my way, to which I could only shrug. Cross's what? Who knows? Denied an answer from me, he turned back to Vivi, raising a finger. "Uh, Cross's what?"

"Oh, his loved one," she clarified, looking a little sheepish. "Sorry, it's just… everyone else ran off to who knows where because after my…" There was a slight hitch to her voice that was _rife_ with both disbelief and joy. "My _mother_ and Serra - Conis' mother," she clarified at our confused looks. "After they came out of the mist, we all figured out that our loved ones were somehow coming out of the Mists. I was just wondering which of you was Cross's."

"That would probably be me," Lee answered, raising his hand. "I was one of his best friends back, uh… home."

When TB!Vivi looked askance at me, I rolled my eyes with a heavy sigh. "I'm with the _other_ Straw Hats. You know, the crew a dimension to the left and a few months behind?"

The princess opened her mouth, closed it, and frowned. "…I cannot, for the life of me, _believe_ that I'm not questioning that sentence. Now, if you'll excuse me…" A dreamy look came over Vivi's face as she turned towards where her mother was happily helping keep a _visibly_ shellshocked Bellemere stable. "I have to get back to a _long_ overdue reunion."

And with that, she left.

 _I_ wanted to question that sentence as I looked out over our two ships, which were slowly starting to fill with recently returned members of separate Straw Hat crews and their _often deceased_ loved ones. But… weird as it was, this still had nothing on _-All You Zombies-_ , so if I could accept that… I sighed and shook my head.

"So… Lee, was it?" I looked over at the by-far-oldest of the three of us. "When did you leave Mother Earth to descend into a realm of madness?"

"Tail end of 2016," he answered, leaning back onto a nearby railing. "Right before I was set to leave on a family New Years' vacation to Los Angeles, if I remember correctly. You?"

"November of the same year."

Lee grinned. "Hey, Xom!" he called out. "D'you want us to- *snrk*"

I frowned in confusion as Lee hastily clamped his hand over his mouth to dampen the amused snort I'd heard. Whatever it was that had provoked that, it had to do with Cross, so I turned around and—

Okay, I have to admit: Cross' comically angry face, accompanied by fingers jabbing at his cloud gag and a lot of angry "Mrph!"s, was definitely something to laugh at.

Still grinning like a loon, Lee said, "Ladies, I don't know how you made those clouds last, and while I think it's _hilarious…_ would you remind removing Cross' gag for him? I want him speaking for this."

" **AGREED!"** Soundbite chimed in. " _He can't_ **appreciate my** _ **genius**_ **LIKE THIS** _ **!"**_

"Mmph mm— _GAH!"_ Cross yelped as a tendril of Iron Cloud literally slapped the gag off of him. "Oh, thank God! Finally!" The anarchy-lover shot a scathing glare at his crew's navigator. "I want two digits off my debt for that, you… damn…" he trailed off into a smirk as he eyed Bellemere nearby.

TB!Nami, for her part, waved her hand dismissively. "Yeeeah, that's not happening in a million—eh?" She interrupted herself when a hand landed on her shoulder and then paled when she trailed it back to the _very_ twitchy face of her visibly displeased mother.

"What was that…" Bellemere intoned darkly. "About a 'debt'?"

" _Meep,"_ TB!Nami squeaked unintelligibly, sounding for all the world like a kid whose hand had been caught in the cookie jar.

"Hehehehe, sucker," Cross chuckled sadistically as he watched a suddenly-lively Bellemere browbeat our navigators before refocusing on our conversation. "Aaaaaanyways, CV, you were saying?"

"How would you like to hear how 2016 went?" he said, grin stretching ear-to-ear.

I blinked in confusion as Cross perked up intently. Why would he be looking forward to that? I mean, sure, it was a crazy year, but- wait a minute. _This Bites!_ was published in _2015_. Cross doesn't know anything about that year, and Soundbite most likely wouldn't have cared enough to share with him.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

"And I'll make sure this guy stays _accurate_ and doesn't _embellish_ ," I added, a grin of my own spreading over my face.

Cross glanced back and forth between us before heaving a sigh. "I know I'm going to regret this, but… fire away. It can't have been that crazy."

"Oh, very poor choice of words," Lee chided. "Hey, does anyone have any booze handy?"

From the Merry, docked next to the Sunny we were currently on, a bottle came sailing up. From the way Lee hastily crossed his arms over his face, he hadn't been expecting tha- Tabarnak! That… _Stand_ keeps surprising me. In fact, it seems almost automatic. In any case, Lee took the bottle, popped it open, and took a deep gulp from it.

"Terrible," he grumbled, his face a mask of disgust. "Alright. 2016. It all started with this _fucking_ gorilla…"

 **-o-**

Steel clashed against steel, forming a strange, ringing battle music. Anyone not bearing a sword had the good sense to stay well away- even if they were a person usually lacking in good sense. This wasn't a spar; this was a curbstomp, this was a _massacre_ , this was—

This was, Yosaku reflected as he was thrown into the air by a miniature tornado, going very poorly.

He didn't blame Big Bro, really. As a swordsman, he understood what an amazing opportunity it was: a chance to spar with your older self, to learn things from him. But really, was the appropriate reaction to having your opening salvo blocked so effortlessly that you _couldn't even tell if your opponent had woken up_ **really** to grab two friends who were just _minding their own business_ in the galley and declare it an exercise in teamwork? And then that little girl had charged in, momentarily shocking both Zoros before the battle heated up more than ever.

…Okay, maybe he _did_ blame Big Bro. Just a little.

Further philosophizing was cut short by the imminent impact with the nearest bulkhead. The green hunter wheezed as he landed hard; Johnny came down on his back a second later.

"Is it just me, or are we getting our asses kicked?" he groaned.

"Rhino Cycle!"

Yosaku looked up just in time to see the older Zoro flick two blades up in a quick spinning maneuver that tore lines across the younger Zoro's chest and sent him staggering backward into a rail. "Nope, it's not just you, Bro. It's you, me, Big Bro, and that weird Li'l Sis with the shinai. We're _all_ getting our asses kicked."

"Well, technically, she's not getting her ass kicked," Johnny pointed out as said shinai-wielding young girl tried to land a thrust on the older Zoro's leg. "He's just letting her flail at him without getting hit." Sure enough, the swordsman sidestepped the blow with almost criminal ease, his focus rooted entirely on his younger counterpart. "Honestly? I know he's trying to be kind, and I get why, but that's pretty insulting as a swordsman."

True enough, the young girl was _livid_. Her face was red as a tomato as she continued to swing futilely at the man who was ignoring her. The girl's attacks became sloppier and sloppier as her anger took control, until she finally snapped and started _screaming_ as she fought.

"TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, DAMN IT!" Tears welled up at the corners of her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. "YOU MEN- YOU THINK YOU'RE SO TOUGH! THINK GIRLS ARE DELICATE, CAN'T TAKE ANY PAIN! NEWS FLASH! WE HAVE TO GIVE _BIRTH_ TO YOU NUMBSKULLS! THAT HURTS A HELL OF A LOT!"

She paused, panting, before launching back into both her attack and her rant with renewed vigour. And this time, a disproportionately large number of her strikes seemed to be targeting Zoro's groin. "I CAN DO _ANYTHING_ A BOY CAN DO, AND I'LL PROVE IT! YOU THINK YOU'RE _SO_ GREAT BECAUSE YOU'RE TALLER THAN US AND YOU HAVE TESTICLES—LET'S SEE HOW _YOU_ FUNCTION WITHOUT THOSE _DELICATE_ BITS OF ANATOMY! AND WHILE YOU'RE ON THE GROUND WHIMPERING IN PAIN, _I'LL_ GO ON AND BECOME THE WORLD'S GREATEST SWORD-FIGHTER! TAKE _THAT_ , YOU MISOGYNISTIC MOSS—!"

"Kuina, will you SHUT UP ALREADY?!" the elder Zoro roared, his swords flashing out—!

"Yosaku!" Johnny yelped, shooting to his feet, sword in hand.

"Right behind you!" Yosaku replied, doing the same.

Their urgency came from the fact that, after pushing away his younger counterpart (read: knocking him into a wall hard enough to rock the ship), Zoro had turned his blades—his very sharp blades—on the young girl. As they watched, both swords… hooked their blunt edges under her armpits? And lifted her? And—

"Oh, shit!" both swordsmen yelped as the hilt of Wado Ichimonji flashed up and slammed into Kuina's temple, launching her at them at a pretty respectable clip. And with their own forward momentum, they had no chance to dodge.

As such, Kuina slammed sideways into Johnny, the sudden reverse in momentum carrying both of them into Yosaku behind, and from there into the wall and then a groaning heap on the deck.

"It's not because you're a girl that I'm going easy on you," the insensate swordsmen heard the elder Zoro grind out. "It's because—" Silence, stretching for several seconds. "Because it's really hard to step on ants without killing them."

Johnny and Yosaku gaped, and Kuina looked murderous. It was his younger self, however, who responded, his voice livid.

"You can't even be a year older than I am. How did you get strong enough to earn the right to start talking like Mihawk?!" he snapped.

"I'm still nowhere close to beating _him,"_ the older Zoro scoffed, refocusing his attention. "But I doubt that you're too far off from where I am. What's the last island you left?"

"Drum," Yosaku and Johnny groaned in unison.

The older Zoro nodded. "Just a few more months, then. The Grand Line has a tendency to push you past your limits. Over, and over, and over again," he added with the barest hint of exasperation. He considered for a moment, and shrugged. "Then again, I had some help. It's amazing what beating up on another swordsman all the time reveals about your own fighting style."

Johnny and Yosaku had already fainted before their Zoro turned back towards them.

Kuina forced herself to her feet, a teary smile on her face. "I guess… Congratulations, Zoro. You finally got good enough to beat me. But I won't give up! If you've gotten this good, then I just have to get even better! I _will_ prove that girls can be master swordsmen!"

There was more steel in her words than any child that age should be capable of. It made both Zoros flinch. They glanced at each other, questioning. Then, through the sort of mental rapport only possible for identical twins and clones, they came to a decision. The elder Zoro sighed.

"I'm gonna tell her."

"Don't you dare!" the younger Zoro hissed.

"Tell me what?" Kuina asked innocently.

The two Zoros exchanged a stricken look, and came to some sort of agreement. "Nothing," they said in unison and more than a little haste.

Kuina frowned and folded her arms. "You may have improved with your swords, but you're still a terrible liar. Both of you."

 **-o-**

"—but the year went by, and none of the king's wives had a child!" The younger Usopp paused dramatically before rushing on with his story. His elder counterpart and their mother shot him amused looks.

"Yet when the king came in the next day, the eldest of his wives informed him that he now had a beautiful daughter. He was delighted. But when he asked to see the child, his wives wouldn't let him. It was not a human child that had been born in the nursery that morning, but a small, white kitten. When pressed, his wives told the king that he couldn't see his daughter because it had been foretold that if any man should look upon her before her wedding day, the princess would die a terrible death."

"Many years passed. The feline princess grew up into a beautiful cat under the care of the king's wives. Soon the time came for the wives to seek a husband for their precious daughter. But where would they find a prince willing to wed a cat? It took a year and a day of scouring the land, but finally they found a lad who would do as they asked."

"The prince married the cat, and continued to find excuses to look after her in secret as the wives had done. By this point the king was anxious and restless, having had a daughter for fifteen years without laying eyes on her. He demanded to see the girl, but the prince continued to deny him."

"One day, a watching goddess saw the white cat crying in her room. Full of pity and confusion, the goddess descended to ask what was wrong. The cat princess lamented that she was forever trapped in that room, and could do nothing to help the increasingly harried prince. She loved him, as much as a cat could love a human, and wished she could in some way lessen his burdens."

"Touched by the cat's story, the goddess brought her a magical fruit. One bite, she told the princess, would be enough to turn her into a human girl- albeit one with animal traits, that her prince might still recognize her. The cat princess didn't need to think; she thanked the goddess and immediately took that fateful bite. Seconds later footsteps came stomping down the hall. The goddess vanished as the door opened."

"Imagine the prince's surprise when he opened the door to find not the cat he'd married, but a lovely girl wrapped in white cloth. At first he was enraged, demanding to know what had happened to his precious feline. But the princess wept and told him of what had occurred, pointing out patches of white fur on her shoulders and back that showed what she had been."

"Once over his shock, the prince was delighted. He and the princess spent many days together, getting to know one another in truth and falling in love as humans do. Eventually, the prince brought his beloved to meet her supposed father- and thus, even the king got his happily ever after."

"That was great." The elder Usopp applauded briefly before puffing out his chest. "But wait til you hear mine!"

 **-o-**

[So… this is the Chopper we were supposed to get before Cross showed up,] Leo remarked.

[I'm… honestly kinda disappointed. Is anyone else disappointed?] Raphey said.

"Sorry…" the tiny reindeer hugged the strange stick he was carrying, his ears drooping.

[No, no, don't apologize!] Mikey said, waving his flippers in apology. [We'd have been perfectly fine with you if you'd been on our crew!] That said, he shot a glare at his fellow ship's guards. [ _Right_ , guys?]

[Changing the subject away from Mikey's rather sad attempt at intimidation—]

[Hey!]

[What is that outfit you're wearing?] Donny finished.

"This?" Chopper plucked at the sleeve of his very odd shirt. "This is my jersey. I play hockey—well, usually I'm the mascot, but I got to be a defenseman one time. It was a lot of fun!" He turned to proudly display the number on his back. "Look! I was number 17!"

Two completely blank stares met the reindeer's nervous gaze. The other two dugongs' faces lit up, each coming to their own conclusion about what the tiny doctor meant. Their voices competed as they simultaneously blurted out their conclusions.

[Cool!] Mikey beamed. [Too bad you weren't a goalie though; those masks are freaky awesome!]

[You already know Haki?] Raphey asked, impressed. [How does that work? I thought your crew just left Drum Kingdom.]

"No, no, no! Not _Ha_ ki, _hoc_ key!" The tiny reindeer waved his stick around and pulled a small, heavy black object from beneath his jersey to show them. "It's the national sport of Drum Kingdom, almost everyone plays or watches every chance they get. You need two teams of between eleven and sixteen players, some good ice, and a puck—like this one! And they all have sticks. Now, the point is…" Chopper's voice became gradually higher and higher as he began to explain the rules of this game, his stick swinging ever more erratically as he used it to emphasize his words. More than one of these swings forced passersby to jump or duck, lest they be brained by sturdy wood.

Mikey's eyes followed the stick as if hypnotized. [I am both extremely disappointed and extremely happy with this development.]

"—And because Larry couldn't skate with a scalpel lodged in his sciatic nerve, I got to play defense for a Leafs-Seas game!" Chopper's expression turned into a dark, angry pout. "But we lost… Stupid Seas and their stupid Rocket brothers. They always steal all the glory! The Leafs haven't won the Bighorn Cup in almost fifty years!" This final exclamation was accompanied by a particularly violent swing, which the dugongs were forced to duck.

[…I am no longer disappointed,] Donny whimpered dumbly.

Chopper didn't appear to hear him. In fact,the little reindeer appeared to be searching for something, his eyes lit up with a manic light. "I'm sure we'll win next time though! We have to! Maybe it'll help if I—!"

 _THWACK!_

"Ow!" Chopper yelped, clutching a rising goose egg on his skull. He turned his gaze on the culprit, Donny, who was lowering his bo staff and staring at it in bewilderment. "Why did you do that?!"

Shaking his head, Donny said, [Sorry, force of habit. We have to do this to our Chopper all the time, and you were starting to sound like him.]

Chopper stared in something akin to horror at Donny, then slowly creaked his gaze around to a disappointed Mikey putting his nunchucks away. He thought of the lather he was working himself into, how angry he got whenever the thought of the Seas and their _thrice-damned_ Rocket Brothers either beat his Leafs or won another championship. Really, that left him only one possible response.

"…what kind of person did I _become!?"_ he demanded.

" _Salutations, colleagues!"_

The poor reindeer nearly shifted into Jump Point from sheer surprise at the voice coming from behind him.

[That kind,] the four Dugongs sighed.

It was easy to tell the difference between the two reindeer; the Dugongs' crewmate's hat and pants were identical, but the senior Zoan was topless and hefting a notably larger backpack. The face, though, was the main difference: after all, the younger reindeer certainly didn't go around with a smile that belonged in a Lewis Carroll novel and a look in his eyes that screamed ' _I'm going to do violent, bloody SCIENCE to you!'_

The hockey-obsessed reindeer clutched his stick to his chest in an attempt to slow his rapidly beating heart. "He-Hello!" Glancing around, the sight of two Zoros scowling at a little girl reminded Chopper of what he'd been doing before he ran into the dugongs. The little doctor smiled nervously at his older self. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to help me look and see if Doctor Hiriluk is around here somewhere?"

 _"Eh? Oh, I already found him, he's somewhere over that way, but more importantly—!"_

 _THWACK! THUD!_

Everyone stared in varying levels of shock and bemusement as Hockey Chopper slammed his hockey stick on his doppelgänger so hard that he knocked him down, a look of fury in his eyes.

"'More importantly'? 'MORE IMPORTANTLY'? _WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR FATHER?!"_

"Geh…" Doc Chop's eyes spun blearily for a moment before they blinked back into focus… and then he slapped a hoof to his face with a miserable groan. "When I'm normal, nothing short of my skills being necessary to save someone's life. But when I'm 'sparking out,' as Cross calls it?" The mad-reindeer withdrew a notebook from his backpack and flipped through it for a second before grimacing regretfully. "Apparently the longevity-inducing properties of the Mists. Ergh…" He pinched the bridge of his nose between his hooves. "I should have waited to start getting excited about this place's application to the Panacea Project until _after_ I was back in my lab…"

"WHAT ABOUT UNTIL AFTER WE FOU—wait, you have your own lab?" Hockey Chopper's face lit up, his fear and anger evaporating like non-eldritch mist. "Lucky! I wish I had my own lab; I have to share the galley with Sanji. He keeps getting lettuce in my Petri dishes!"

"Oh, I hate when that happens!" Doc Chopper winced sympathetically. "Oh, or what about whenever Luffy eats our nascent protozoa cultures? I have no idea _how_ he can keep mistaking them for bacon!"

"I've found that dying the cultures blue helps prevent that- although all my streptococcus pneumoniae samples still manage to get contaminated with his saliva somehow, but Jones helps me clean things, so with two of us it's easy enough to remove that from the—" Hockey Chopper stopped and shook his head. "Gah, getting sidetracked, not important, sorry for jumping on your back earlier. Now, quick, before we get sidetracked again! _Where_ did you say you saw Doctor Hiriluk?"

"Ah! Come on! Go in the vial, you stupid—!"

Both Choppers turned to see the very familiar backside of Dr. Hiriluk as he dashed along the side of the ship, desperately trying and failing to waft some of the rainbow mist into a test tube.

"Right here, apparently," Doc Chopper deadpanned.

Hooves clattered across the deck. Tears in his eyes, Hockey Chopper launched himself at the lovable quack, wrapping his little arms around Hiriluk's leg. "Doctor! I'm so happy I get to see you again- I missed you so much!" He glanced up at his father's face with a watery smile. "I haven't been this happy in _forever_ , not even when the Leafs got to the playoffs!"

"Er, ah, th-thank you?" Hiriluk stammered. Hockey Chopper visibly wilted.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry…" He released his hold on the quack's leg, dropping to the deck and backing off. The little reindeer clutched his stick for comfort.

"No, no, little fellow, it's alright. I was just surprised; I never expected to see a little reindeer person out here." Hiriluk bent down to pat Hockey Chopper on the head. "Let alone two. You know, you and your brother remind me of a little reindeer person I know back home. You two should come to visit sometime; I'm sure Tony Tony Chopper would love to meet you."

The two Choppers looked at each other. "But… _I'm_ Tony Tony Chopper."

"So am I."

Doctor Hiriluk stared at them numbly for a moment. "That… That's not possible. There can't be two of the same person- two of the same _Devil Fruit_. And neither of you are anything like Cho-pper…" The quack's voice trailed off as he caught sight of the identical hats the reindeer were wearing- hats identical to the one he had given Tony Tony Chopper just recently.

"These mists have some interesting temporal qualities that led to our crews meeting across the barriers of space and time," Doctor Chopper offered. "I was attempting to study their effects on longevity earlier."

"But, but, but…" Hiriluk groped around desperately. "But Chopper isn't a mad scientist. _Or_ a rabid hockey fan."

That earned him a pair of stares partway between flat and curious. "Doctor," Doctor Chopper said slowly, raising an eyebrow. "We're much older than the Chopper you know. We've grown up a lot, and we've adapted with the times." The mad reindeer snorted. "And besides, your Chopper never met Cross."

"Or Jones," Hockey Chopper added, puffing his chest out with pride. "I'll have you know that studying Otherworlders can be quite enlightening."

Hiluluk's eyes took them both in, two reflections of routes that his son had gone before. A scientist and an athlete, both growing into great pirates in their own way. Tears welled up at the corners of his eyes- pride, hope, happiness. Then, slowly, a smile came over his face. "I see… you've grown up so strong."

Both reindeer twitched almost imperceptibly, their eyes taking on an extra shine. There was a brief clatter of hooves as the two Choppers launched themselves at their father figure, clinging to his waist and burying their faces in his jacket. Damp stains spread slowly across the dark fabric. Hiriluk stumbled backward under the force of the tackle, unable to keep his balance. Eventually, after a few staggered, futile steps, the lovable quack fell into a seated position.

" _ **We missed you so much!"**_ the Choppers bawled. Hockey Chopper sniffled and rubbed his nose on Hiriluk's shirt; Doctor Chopper hiccoughed.

The lovable quack didn't question them. Of course; even if he didn't know the exact moment of his death, he already knew of his own illness. Doctor Hiriluk patted and hugged both reindeer, rubbing soothing circles on the backs of their heads. "There, there… It's alright. A man only dies when he's forgotten; as long as you remember me, I'll always be with you. I'm so proud of you both."

Twin watery smiles beamed up at him. Off to one side, four amphibious mammals slowly edged away. This was a private affair, not for their eyes. Besides, they wanted to see what their teacher was getting up to, and who—if anyone—had come for him. And maybe them.

 **-o-**

"He raced down the mountain, fleeing from the Thunderbird's lair as though his life depended on it- which it did. But the Thunderbird didn't want Man taking the secret of fire, for fire was the source of his power. Great wings beat the air as the Thunderbird chased Man down the mountain, gaining with every second."

"Just before he was captured, Man raced into the forest. He begged the trees as he ran, pleading with them to hide him from the Thunderbird's wrath. But even were the bird himself not so deadly and frightening, Man was cloaked in _fire_. His clothes were slowly burning off, his skin turning red and blistering… Ash, oak, maple, elm- one by one, all the trees denied him."

"All except the slender white birch. When Man came to the birch tree, it accepted him under its branches and hid him from the enraged Thunderbird. Man hid there for some time, until all the danger had passed. Eventually, the Thunderbird gave up his hunt and Man was free to make his way back towards his home. He thanked the birch tree as he left."

"The birch was pleased to be of service, though it had suffered mightily in the effort. Its branches were charred and crispy, its bark streaked with soot and blisters. Many moons passed before the birch could once again stand straight and proud as part of the forest, rather than bent with the pain that wracked its trunk. And even once the birch had recovered- and indeed, to this day- the bubbled, darkened lines remained on its bark, a reminder of the service the birch tree rendered towards man."

Whistling, the younger Usopp rubbed nervously at his nose. "That was awesome! A little short, but still… Wow. But I can do you one better! Wait until you hear the story of…"

 **-o-**

A well-aged dugong sat with his back to a wall of the ship. Around the corner, another dugong of similar age sat similarly. At the corner itself was a bottle and two cups.

Such was the position they had been in for several minutes, occasionally filling and draining the cups, neither saying anything or moving to so much as glance at the other. Finally, as one dugong poured the last drops into one of the dishes, the other one broke the silence.

[You have come a long way, Disciple.]

[Mmph,] Boss née Disciple Dugong angled his head to the side ever so slightly. [I suppose I have. I'd say that I'm not the dugong you left on the shores of the Sandora, but we both know that if that weren't true even the day after you left, I'd be a disgrace.]

[No, no, not a disgrace,] the other dugong hummed, tapping a staff of bamboo on his shoulder. [Merely… a disappointment.]

[Po-tay-toe, poh-tah-toe,] Disciple shrugged dismissively.

[Heh heh, if you say so…] Sifu balanced his sake cup on the tip of his flipper's finger before glancing to the side, his grip tightening _ever_ so slightly on his staff. [So… up for a bout?]

Disciple, meanwhile, didn't even twitch. [Not a chance. I may have almost fifty years on you, but all but three months of that has been in Alabasta, and in those three months, which have been in Paradise, I have already grown stronger than those fifty combined. You, meanwhile, have lived your entire life off of our shores. If I tried to fight you…] Disciple tapped his unlit cigar on the deck next to himself. [I'd be crushed.]

Then… a slight smirk appeared on the camo-wearing Dugong's muzzle. [So, thank you, but I'll wait to kick your wizened ass in the New World.]

Sifu was silent for a bit before allowing a wide smile to spread across his face. [I officially need to include Wadjet in my prayers,] he breathed reverentially. [For her children have granted me the absolute best student I could have ever conceived, even though I never even asked.]

A small girl, pale as moonlight with crimson eyes, scrambled across the deck, followed by a harried man wearing a dragon jacket. He scooped her up before she could climb onto the rails, earning a loud giggle. "Ghin, stop! Put me down!"

"Not until you stop running off like that! You're gonna fall in the sea and drown if you're not careful, and I won't be jumping in after you again. I do it enough for Don Luffy." Ghin lifted the little girl up onto one of his shoulders; she pouted at him and poked his head.

"Liar. You'd never leave me like that; you're too much of a mother hen." A jab into his shoulder, a tug at his ear, and suddenly the little girl was flipping backwards and away while her caretaker winced and rubbed at the assaulted areas. Something—it looked kind of like guilt—flashed across the man's face.

"Tippy, will you stop that? There are _reasons_ I don't want you running off like you did when we were kids, especially in a place like this!" Ghin ran a hand through his hair, looking for all the world like a worried parent. He grumbled the next bit under his breath. "I'm only twenty-seven, but between you and Jones, I already have grey hairs…"

"Bleh!" The little girl stuck out her tongue. "You've grown up into a grumpy old man, Ghin. I always told you that would happen if you kept worrying so much."

"Argh… You little—! What am I gonna do with you?" Ghin recaptured Tippy, holding her more securely this time. Once he had a secure grip on the squirming girl, he looked around at a loss, as if he actually needed an answer to that question.

"I'll lend you a flipper."

Ghin blinked at the raspy voice, and turned to see a strange creature, an upright manatee with a turtle shell. Another, similar one was behind him, looking his way.

[Oh, Soundbite's nearby, that makes things easi… wait a second, I'm not talking.]

Ghin couldn't comprehend the other one's barking, but he could easily comprehend his shock by the dropped jaw and subsequent dropped cigar.

[Sifu, you can talk?]

[Not easily; I learned to speak human, but it's murder on my throat, so I only do it when I have to,] the first Dugong said, before switching back to words Ghin could understand as he gestured to Tippy. "I just came in here to ease my worries about my apprentice. I can see her home if you'd like." He emptied a flask of liquid into his throat as soon as he finished, gargling it with a wince. [Damn the human language and damn it _hard.]_

Ghin and Tippy both blinked in surprise, exchanging doubtful looks for a second before Ghin hesitantly spoke up. "I… thought there _wasn't_ a way out of here? Unless the Mists actually want to let you go, I mean."

"There is always a path," Sifu waved his flipper dismissively, cracking his back slightly as he rose from his seated position. "I just happen to know the right one for this place."

Staring, Ghin turned his head from one amphibious mammal to the other, finally settling his gaze on the one that was a member of the alternate Straw Hat crew. "Can we trust this guy?" he asked with some hesitation.

[Of course you can—!…ergh, can't believe I'm actually reduced to _wishing_ for that damn pest's _help_ …] Boss muttered acridly before settling for giving Ghin his most confident thumbs-up. [I'll let you guys figure this out. Nice seeing you again, Master, and I look forwards to the day we can do this for _real._ ] And with that, he began waddling away.

Ghin and Tippy exchanged dubious glances again before looking at the wall Sifu was behind. "Right, so, how does this work?" the older man queried.

Boss, meanwhile, hadn't gone far before he ran straight into his four apprentices, who were looking as excited as when they had joined the Straw Hats.

[Boss, there you are!] Leo said happily. [So, have you found Sifu yet?]

The senior dugong blinked at his students in surprise. [How'd you know Sifu was the one who came for me?]

[Come on, Boss, who _else_ would you get, that blowhard Lan- I mean, First Mate Dugong?] Mikey scoffed.

[Now c'mon, where is he, where is he!?] Raphey vibrated eagerly. [I wanna jump him, I wanna jump him straight outta the blue, I want the honor of getting pounded by the greatest Kung Fu Dugong to ever kick ass!]

Donny roughly shoved Raphey aside, a pad of paper and a pencil in his hands and a massive grin on his face. [Not before I get my autograph from the greatest staff-user in all Dugong history you're not! Now c'mon, where is he, where is he?!]

Boss cocked an eyebrow at the display before jabbing his 'thumb' over his shoulder. [Right now, he should be—!]

 _SPLASH!_

[Gone,] Boss completed smoothly, not even missing a beat. [Eesh, tough luck, you just missed him.]

[Meenbrl…]

Frowning at the odd sound, Boss refocused on his students and found them, to a dugong, slumped over on their flippers, clouds of despondency hanging over them and tears dripping to the wooden deck from their blank eyes.

[…mmmaybe I should have asked him to stay for a bit…] Boss muttered.

[YOU THINK?!] all four of the TDWS suddenly roared. Boss took a nervous step back; their still-blank but gleaming eyes and eager, toothy grins that totally belied their vocalized anger were just a tad unnerving in tandem.

' _Correction,'_ Boss silently amended as his students began to advance on him. ' _It's_ very _unnerving.'_

 **[We get a chance to meet Sifu Dugong, the most famous fighter of our species,** _ **the driving force behind everything that's happened to us since we started training,**_ **outside of the transcending madness of the New World** _ **.**_ **And because you didn't consider that we would want to meet him, we've lost that chance,]** Donny intoned, his staff in one flipper and a brace of kunai spread in the other.

 **[I was going to fight him,]** Raphey droned, one flipper holding a sai in reverse and the other idly spinning her giga-shuriken. **[I was gonna lose, badly, but by the Sandora itself, I was going to be able to say that I had actually** _ **fought**_ **with** _ **the**_ **Sifu Dugong.]**

 **[And now we can't,]** Mikey stated in an almost _casual_ tone of voice as he slowly and methodically loaded his pistol, clicking it shut before drawing out a nunchuk and letting it swing idly. **[Because of you. You bastard.]**

 **[You're about to regret training us so well,]** Leo said simply, his tongue brushing along one of his katana.

At that moment, for the life of him, Boss would not be able to say that it was an entirely irrational fear that he held from his students.

[…don't suppose it'd help if I said I was sorry?] he offered uncertainly.

 _ **[SUFFER!]**_

[GAH!] Boss howled at the top of his lungs, Rip Tide-ing away from the murderous posse that was suddenly pursuing him at all speeds. [HOW'S THAT FOR FUCKING _GRATITUDE_ , YOU PUTRID GUTTERSNIPES!]

 **-o-**

Banchina cut her sons off with a smile and a gentle cough. They'd been going at this ever since the crews met, their stories growing steadily more outlandish. "I thought you two were going to tell me about the Grand Line, not compete to see who knew the most fairy tales."

"But _mom_ , they're not fairy tales!" both Usopps whined indignantly. "And we weren't competing! Were we?"

The pair looked at each other. Shrugging, the younger rubbed his nose; the elder fiddled with his wristband. "I was just trying to explain how Devil Fruits work; mom's never seen one."

"And I just wanted to tell her about all the cool plants and animals there are on the Grand Line."

Both snipers grinned sheepishly at their mother. "Sorry… Guess we got a little carried away. There's just so many cool things to tell you about!"

Laughing, Banchina pulled both of her sons into a tight hug. "Oh, boys… What am I going to do with you?"

That gave the storytelling snipers pause. Not for long though, as they immediately began talking again. "You could help us decide which legend of Elbaf is coolest?"

"Yeah! And then I could tell you all about the time I defeated a demonic shark fishman who even managed to almost kill Luffy! _And_ Zoro!"

"What?! But Luffy beat Arlong- you're lying! Besides, _I_ can read Luffy's mind and see the future."

"A likely story!"

Banchina rolled her eyes and smiled as the two snipers proceeded to squabble. They segued into stories of their own adventures, so similar and yet so different… She couldn't tell if they were competing with each other to see who had the stranger experiences, or honestly trying to tell her what had happened to them. Either way, she would treasure this moment forever.

 **-o-**

"So… Merry?"

"Yes?" both the ship-girl and the behorned butler said in unison, looking away from their embrace towards their mistress.

"Uh… the young—guh, the _shorter_ one," Kaya doubly corrected herself shyly. "I was just wondering… about this crew that we gave you to. Do you… well, would you have been happier if you'd stayed with me?"

"Uh, Kaya… don't take this the wrong way, but…" Closing her eyes, the caravel sucked in a deep breath and let it out.

"Oh, nothing good ever follows that statement," Merry the butler muttered.

"Look, I'm a ship," Merry stated, opening her eyes. "I exist to carry people and cargo safely across the seas. You would have used me for puttering about that island. Maybe making short trips to neighboring islands if you actually did become a doctor. You'd have loved me and maintained me and I would have been content." At this time, a fire blazed in Merry's eyes. "But being the ship of the Straw Hats? It's been _so much better_ , and I'm not just talking about the journey, which is awesome on its own. My bond with the Straw Hats was and is far stronger than it ever could have been with you; I would have been content to be scrapped rather than…" She shuddered, idly reaching behind her to rub her back before continuing. "Sorry. Ask Franky or my Usopp for that story. My point is, I'm sorry, but fuck no I wouldn't have been happier with you."

The rich girl visibly wilted. "I… I'm sorry," she murmured.

"For what? For asking that? I know you cared for me, and I know what I look like. I don't blame you for asking. For dredging up bad memories? That's not something you could have expected. And if it's for giving me to the Straw Hats…" Merry flashed Kaya what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Well, if that was a mistake, then that was the best mistake you've ever made."

The last statement made her smile lightly. "What I meant was… for not being able to do any of that for you myself. You were my ship, and I can't do anything for you like they can."

"Miss Kaya," the older Merry sighed, kneeling before his mistress to look her in the eye. "If your ambition is to become a doctor, then that's a grand ambition, and one that you can fulfill in the East Blue. But the crew that we entrusted Going Merry to is full of individuals with ambitions that only traveling through the most dangerous sea in the world can fulfill. The best thing that you could have done is what you did, and we see the proof before us." He looked back at her. "And I don't believe she holds anything against you."

The ship-girl shook her head, smiling lightly. Somewhere above her, a loosely tied knot came undone with a rasping hiss. A thick line fell to drape itself over the ship-girl's shoulders as still-a-ship _Merry_ vibrated and warmed with approval.

Meanwhile, on the rear deck, a blue-haired cyborg sat rubbing his jaw, an action attributable to the soreness that came from it being dropped for too long a period. The reason for that lay beside him, a green-haired mermaid that he knew well. There was just one tiny difference between her and the one that he had grown up with.

The one beside him wasn't yet used to having legs.

"Razza-frazzin split tail and razza-frazzin center of balance…" a _notably_ younger Kokoro grumbled as she rubbed the tip of her bifurcated appendage. She then glanced up at the cyborg with a hopeful look. "You said ya knew an older me, right? Did she ever gripe about any old tricks to getting this whole 'walkin' business down? I could really use them about now!"

"Er…" Franky scratched his steel-plated cranium uncertainly, trying and failing to parse what he was hearing. "I… don't remember anything like that, sorry… ah, wait!" He hastily rallied his thoughts. "A-Are you _really_ not going to question the fact that you're, ya know, in a 'time hellmouth', or that you're meeting someone who says they know you in the _future?!_ I mean, I know, Grand Line and all that, but even _I_ think this is crazy!"

The mermaid gave him a wry smirk. "Kid, lemme tell you something my older self obviously forgot to let slip: Fishman Island is literally the gateway to the New World. In other words, it stands at the very _tip_ of an _actual_ hellmouth. You don't go long living there without becoming at least a little familiar with the craziest that the world has to offer. I mean, sure," She waved her hand dismissively. "I wasn't expecting anything like this when I went out on my morning swim, but all things considered? Not as bad as it could be. Ya get me?"

Franky blinked in surprise, and then slowly nodded. "Yeah… I guess that's a good point," he mumbled. Then, thinking about the version he knew, he glanced down at the bare fins meant to support the mermaid. "You know, Granny Kokoro never said anything about it, but I never saw her without shoes that were pointed at the ends. Maybe that could help?"

Before the mermaid could respond, a door opened from the kitchen, and the subsequent assault of noise drowned out any chance of hearing anything else.

"But I wanna show you the—!"

"Gah! No spoilers!" Two rubber captains bounced out of the galley. The one in the fore had his hands clapped over his ears, which seemed to be doing little to drown out the voice of his loud, eager counterpart.

"We have a submarine, though!" TB!Luffy chased 12!Luffy into the rigging as the latter struggled to escape. The younger captain was still trying to keep his ears covered, so the sight was even _more_ comical than it already would naturally have been.

"Don't tell me! I don't wanna know what happens next- it's not a good adventure that way! Besides, future things are Jones's job!"

As the pair continued on their swinging path through the rigging, a young woman came out on deck and followed them with her gaze. She was smiling, nearly silent, although the air around her was filled with the sound of quiet giggling at the Luffys' antics.

TB!Luffy thought for a minute before his face lit up with demonic malice. "Oh! Okay then- how about something that's already happened instead? Sabo's alive!"

His counterpart paused to shoot him a flat look. "Well, duh. I knew _that_. Sabo met everybody in Loguetown, and he calls Jones all the time to talk about sneaky ninja spy stuff." 12!Luffy's face took on a similar demonic light to TB!Luffy. "Wait… did your crew _not_ meet him? Shishishishishi! Wanna know what he's like?"

"Eh?" TB!Luffy shrugged and picked his nose. "Why? That's your Sabo, not mine. They're prob'ly different anyway. But wait till I tell you about the special comm system Franky built for Cross!"

"I SAID NO SPOILERS!"

"IT'S NOT A SPOILER IF CROSS ISN'T ON YOUR CREW!"

And so the Luffys resumed their awkward chase, through the rigging and over every possible surface of the ship, much to the amusement of the young woman watching them. Although for some reason, she also had tears in her eyes. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless.

"Do you think we should tell him that our Sunny is completely unique and almost guaranteed to be different than what he'll be getting?" Franky asked.

"No way," came another voice, and they looked over to see Sanji emerging from the kitchen as well, laden with bags of ingredients and with a young girl beside him. "That rubber moron puts us through hell all hours of the day. I say we let him suffer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get a look at the dream kitchen that I'll have someday. Reiju, you coming?"

"Of course," the girl responded coolly.

 **-o-**

"…seriously? _Seriously!?"_ I gagged in disbelief. "Ye gods, did the whole nation collectively dump their IQ for 24 hours or something?!"

"I WEEP _for the past,_ **present,** _ **future,**_ **OR WHATEVER TIME THAT IS** _ **TO US,"**_ Soundbite groaned. " _Ya think_ **you-know-who** _ **can make us THE VOICES OF ANARCHY**_ WHEN YOU FINALLY GET BACK HOME, _TOO?"_

"Doubt it," I scoffed, but I hastily reworded matters as I actually thought about it. "…alright, I think it's _capable_ of it, but I doubt it _will_. If we tried pulling what we do here back home, the ones running the show might break out the nukes. We could _literally_ cause the end of the world."

"… _you're trying to threaten me WITH A GOOD TIME,_ **WHY,** **exactly?"**

I shot him a flat look. "So you're saying you _want_ to be at ground zero of the technological equivalent of a Raigo?"

And _that_ turned him white. "GOOD TIME GO _bye-bye,_ _ **shutting up now."**_

"I'm not sure if it's reassuring or disturbing that your standards for chaos stop at 'fuck the world'," Lee dryly stated. "But yes, I was screaming the whole time as the election proceeded. And then Carrie Fisher died as one final 'fuck you' from 2016."

"WHAT?! PRINCESS LEIA'S DEAD?!" Jones fell over backwards in shock. "When—? How—? Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge!"

Lee sighed and bowed his head, suddenly looking far older than forty-six. "Yeah… it was in December. And while I remember something about her being strangled with her own bra, I don't think that's what actually happened."

" _Her own quote ON HOW SHE WANTED_ _ **to go,"**_ Soundbite sighed regretfully. " _ **TRUTH IS…**_ **yeah, all signs point to heart attack."**

"Ah, geeze…" I grimaced, rubbing the back of my neck with regret. "Well, that's all kinds of sucky right there isn't it? Moment of silence, then?"

" _EVEN I'LL SHUT UP FOR THAT,"_ my partner in anarchy nodded solemnly.

And so we all bowed our heads, adopting a respectful silence for the great actress…

"Ohhhh yeah, _veeeeeery_ nice. But I see your 'flying island' - which I _still_ call bullshit on, by the way - and raise you… The homeland of the dragons! And this one's not even on the Grand Line! Whaddaya say to _THAT!?"_

"Aaaand of course, One Piece won't accept no broodin' bullshit from no one," I sighed as we were interrupted a mere seven seconds later. I twisted around in place to eye the source of the noise. "Okay, what's _this_ little sideshow about?"

The source, as it turned out, were the two Namis butting heads - literally, they were pressing their foreheads together - as they pointed at a set of maps and tried to incinerate the other with looks alone. Sitting cross-legged on the deck next to them was Bellemere, who was looking mighty amused by the whole display.

"I say that that's impressive for something that nature made," TB!Nami hummed, a 'content' grin on her face as she unraveled yet another chart with an air of triumph. "But let's see you pull out anything showing a manmade island that rivals Water 7."

"Water—is that a giant fountain?" 12!Nami asked, her smug calm slipping just enough to betray a flash of awe before she hastily recomposed herself. "Wow… that _is impressive…_ but… I'm not sure it beats _Clockwork_ Island," she finished, producing her _own_ chart.

TB!Nami's jaw all but slammed into the deck as she ogled the chart. "How… bwa… I might not know architecture, but I _know_ that that has got to be structurally impossible," she managed to get out.

"I won't deny that, I _still_ don't understand how it works," 12!Nami grinned wide enough to put the Cheshire to shame. "But I _assure you_ that it is completely real!"

"Riiiight…" TB!Nami stated as she examined the map. Then she frowned, jabbing a finger on a specific spot. "What is that?"

"… That's a whale," 12!Nami deadpanned, giving her counterpart her best 'You're a fucking idiot' glare.

"Okay… And why is there a whale in your ocean?" TB!Nami leaned in a little closer. "Scratch that, why are there a _bunch_ of whales in your ocean?"

"Because whales live in the ocean?" 12!Nami stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and to be fair, it was pretty close to it. "Why, what do you put in your open waters?"

TB!Nami promptly clammed up, but she couldn't stop her younger self from glancing at the map of Water 7.

"Doodles," she said, a grin widening on her face. "And not just any doodles, those fantastic animal doodles we made when we were _eight_."

"I have seen _every single one of these animals!"_ TB!Nami protested just a little too loudly, her cheeks flushing indignantly.

"Really?" Bellemere perked up with a grin that was equal parts eager and teasing. "Can I see?"

I could practically _see_ Nami's eyes defaulting to blue. "Uh…"

"Is it just me," Lee remarked as TB!Nami frantically tried to politely say no _to her own mother_. Needless to say, all she succeeded in doing was flail about. "Or are they not only arguing over stylistic differences, they're arguing over stylistic differences that don't even _remotely_ affect the quality of their maps?"

Apparently so, and seeing my Nami this completely flustered was quite the treat.

There was a tremendous… bouncing thud a second later as a pair of Luffy's fell from the rigging, one having tackled the other. 12!Luffy clapped both hands over my Luffy's mouth, glaring at his counterpart with comical anger. "Shut up already! I said no spoilers!"

"Mrph mmm mph—!"

 _CHOMP!_

"YOW!"

My Luffy had bitten 12!Luffy's hand in order to break free, which did nothing to make their squabbling any quieter or less funny. He then turned the tables on his younger counterpart, tackling him across the deck. The pair were about to roll into the duelling Zoros when a quiet voice cleared her throat.

" _Ahem_."

I blinked as a familiar figure stepped onto the deck, but my surprise didn't last long; her showing up made just as much sense as Ace or Sabo.

"Luffy and Luffy, weren't you two about to tell me about the giant whale that ate your ship?" Makino asked.

"OH, YEAH!" Spoilers and violence forgotten, two rubber captains bounced over to the barkeeper with eager grins on their faces. Makino wandered over to the rail and sat down; the Luffys followed her like ducklings and flopped on either side of her to tell stories about Laboon.

"Heh. Nice to have someone who knows just what to say to calm Luffy down," I remarked.

"While I'm inclined to agree, Cross…"

"Hm?" I glanced up and noticed both Robins wandering by our group, both keeping an eye on the meeting of the Monkeys.

"I was rather expecting Ace, or that second brother you mentioned," older Robin hummed inquisitively as she analyzed Makino. "Who is she?"

"Huh? Oh, her! Her name's Makino," I explained with a careless wave. "She's a bartender from Luffy's hometown, closest thing to a mother all three of them had growing up. One of the kindest people I ever saw in the story, to boot."

Robin nodded, a wistful… but for some reason melancholic smile on her lips? What the—?

"Hey, older me?" young Robin piped up, drawing all attention. "If everyone's family is showing up…" She dipped her head uncertainly. "Does that mean that our mother could be here, too?"

I realized the significance of Adult Robin's smile as it dropped and her eyes widened at the possibility, looking suddenly nervous.

"Yeah, Olvia is probably around here," I piped up with a casual wave of my hand. "And knowing our luck and her skill? I'd be willing to bet that she is currently—!"

 _CLICK!_

I grimaced miserably as I sloooowly raised my arms over my head, only just fighting my instinct to glare over my shoulder at the white-haired… _woman_ I _knew_ was right there. "…standing right behind me with a gun to my head. Seriously, what is _with_ you Nicos and threatening interdimensional immigrants?!"

"Must be your winning personality!" Lee called out, looking thoroughly unperturbed at my mortal peril. The jackass. Seriously, I was gonna find a way to make him—!

 _THWACK!_ "GAH!"

"Enough talk," Nico Olvia snarled in a notably unhinged tone as she shoved the barrel of the gun she'd pistol-whipped me with into my neck. "Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to take that ship—" And here she jerked her head towards the Merry _aw hell no._ "And whatever supplies are on it. But before that…" I felt the iron barrel press into my neck. "Who the hell are you, and how did you detect me?"

"Robin?" I called out, my tone indicating barely restrained outrage. "Either Robin? Would one of you mind getting your _deranged mother_ off of me? You know, before I abandon what few self-preservation instincts I have and do something that will get you _really_ mad at me?"

"Eh, Lee's got this," the younger Robin said nonchalantly as she walked up to us. For a long moment, she stared up at Olvia.

"Uh, hello? Gun to my head?!" I demanded. "Lee, get off your ass and get your damn kid to _help me!"_

"Like she said, I've got this," Lee replied, still grinning like the smug bastard he was. "See, Olvia, you pull that trigger, and two things are going to happen." I blinked as The Catalyst sprang into being. "First, your gun is going to explode in your hand, filling it with metal and wood fragments. And then, I'm going to light your lungs on fire from the inside." His grin widened a few molars. "Believe me, it's not a pleasant way to go, choking on smoke like that."

Everyone stared at Lee; even Olvia and adult Robin were staring at him in naked—! Oh, wait a second.

 _THWACK!_ "GAH!" Olvia grunted in shock as I rammed my elbow into her gut, followed by my reaching over my shoulder, grabbing her arm and flipping her over my shoulder onto the lawn, the impact jarring the gun loose from her hand in the process.

"God bless Zoro for kicking my ass on a daily basis," I sighed in relief, before glaring bloody murder at Lee's _smugly_ grinning ass. "And god damn _you_ for taking the convoluted route, asshat!"

"Dontcha mean _Uncle_ Asshat?" he smirked back with a tilt of his head. "And besides, I meant every word; you were in no danger, and I know you get off on that sort of thing."

"Phrasing!" both Robins called out, before glancing at each other and giggling.

I scowled at both the reaction _and_ his little self-entitling before grunting as I was forced to fight against a furiously scrabbling Olvia's attempts to free herself. "Hilarious! Now if one of you two would help _bring your paranoid bitch of a mother back to reality!?"_

"Er…" Robin the Tyke frowned nervously, most likely realizing the severity of the situation as she knelt before her mother and waved her hand in her face to no great effect. "I'd like to, but… what's… wrong with her? Does… Does she not remember me, remember _us_ or—?"

"No, I highly doubt that…" the Older Robin reassured her younger counterpart, albeit with an uncomfortable frown. "If I had to guess, going by the situation we're in and the situation she's _been_ in for who knows how long now, I'd say… she's probably gone into an extreme survival mode. Essentially, she's imposed a form of tunnel-vision on herself that blocks out all else but her mission and her survival instincts."

I frowned sympathetically, even as I redoubled my grip on Olvia's arm. "Personal experience?"

My Robin gave a terse nod before allowing herself a calming breath. "And due to that experience, I know that it's going to take something very jarring to—"

 _ **BWAAAAAAAAAH!**_

I blinked blearily as my head slowly stopped ringing, and I became aware of Lee saying… _something_ that was indiscernible to me due to the fact that even if my skull no longer felt like a bell, my _ears_ were still putting up a decent act. "WHAT?"

He rolled his eyes and ticked off his fingers for a second before repeating himself, just as my hearing cleared up, at least to the point where I could parse his words. "I _said,_ 'One of these days, Xom, you're going to need to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut'."

"WHAT DID I DO?!" I snap—er, make that _roared,_ my volume control was still a bit shot.

"Sesehihihihi!" a suddenly-present Jones snickered at my side. "For once, it's actually not his fault. And just so you're aware? I've _always_ wanted to do that."

Lee and I _made_ to respond, but then trailed off with a tired sigh and defeated groan, respectively.

"You don't have a good response to that statement either?" Lee said, shaking his head.

"Not a one," I shrugged dejectedly.

"And if we're all quite done," Young Robin groaned as she rubbed her ears. "Can we get back to _helping my mom?"_

"If you mean 'help me put them in an early grave', I'd appreciate it," Olvia groaned into the lawn.

I blinked as I considered that little statement before getting off of the proto-Revolutionary's back. "I _think_ she's sane again. Though I won't apologize for the consequences if I get _another_ gun in my face."

"You _think?"_ Young Robin said, skeptically eyeing her mother as she stood. " _I_ think I want a second opinion. Lee?"

"Hmm…" the man hummed, stroking his beard. "Even odds either way, I'd say. That's the sanity rate of everyone else I've ever met who's like this."

I noticed Young Robin's eyes tear up and her lip quiver, and I stepped aside just as Olvia got the presence of mind to blink in confusion as she parsed what had been said. "Wait… 'mom?' Who are you—?"

"MOMMY!"

The woman then had to brace as the younger Robin slammed into her midsection, gripping tight and sobbing into her shirt. Olvia blinked a couple of times, before the older Robin knelt beside her, face in shadows.

"To be as brief as possible, time does whatever it wants here. Space is the same. Her name is Nico Robin. She is your daughter," she said quietly, before raising her head, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. "As am I."

Olvia took in the figure before her, as well as the one crying in her arms, and the identical features and voice to hers. It was only a few seconds before she pulled the other woman into an embrace, holding both versions of her daughter close to her and sobbing in bittersweet joy with them.

Honestly, it was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes, but Lee was walking over to me, looking concerned.

"Yeah, she needed this," he said, his concern not slipping a bit. "And… I'm kinda worried about that. How many people will want to bring their loved ones with them, or stay behind to help?" He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I know I'd have trouble resisting."

"Under 'normal' circumstances, as much as that word applies in a situation like this, I might be, but there are two big reasons why we don't have to worry about that. First, there's a certain bastard looking out for me, and I doubt it would let its fun end because of something like a paradox."

Lee looked like he'd bitten into a lemon, and I smiled lightly as I continued. "And second, as much as it must be nice for them to be with the ones they're meeting here…" I jabbed my thumb over my shoulder. "They'll still want to go back to the ones they have waiting outside of the mist. Really, when it comes down to it, do you think even one person here would be willing to subject their younger selves to missing out on the happiest years of their lives?"

"… Point," he conceded, a smile creeping onto his face. "I know Shizuka would never let Robin stay here and make her lose her pranking buddy. She'd probably spontaneously appear just to drag her back."

As I made to respond, something landed on the rail beside me with a heavy thud, making me jump back in surprise as I turned to face them. Brown fur, black and white feathers, a familiar spotted jacket—

I had Lassoo aimed at the otter and vulture that had just appeared beside me in under a second, and they made it abundantly clear that the feeling was mutual: Miss Friday's machine gun was armed and ready, and Mister Thirteen's shell-blades were drawn and tense. And then, for a few long minutes… none of us moved. Which was… _definitely_ different. And it wasn't the only thing off, either.

There was something not right here, and with the barrier between dimensions currently being made of Swiss cheese… I raised Lassoo up into a resting position as I took a better look at the animals that had landed beside me.

"You're… not our Unluckies, are you?" I divined.

"Eh? What was your first clue?" The otter held up a sign as he spoke in a _very_ Canadian accent, his words echoed by immaculate handwriting. It seemed to be his usual method of communication, judging by the way hearing his new voice caused him to start, tail fluffing out. His vulture companion hissed and puffed up her feathers.

"Besides the fact that our versions of you two ditched those digs and upped their arsenals two islands ago?" I shrugged as I let Lassoo drop to the ground. "You're not exuding an aura of pure murderous intent."

" _Going by how you sound…"_ Soundbite mused. " **Different birthplaces?"**

"That depends. Aboot where're yours from?" This time Mister Thirteen was halfway through writing his sign when he remembered he didn't need it. Capping his pen with a snap, the otter folded his arms with a scowl.

I grimaced as I yanked my collar to the side and indicated the 'souvenirs' our Friday had left me in Alabasta. "Kuraigana. Trust me, it shows."

 _That_ got some actual emotion out of the furry fricks. Namely, they jerked _hard,_ their glasses going askew enough to reveal how they were staring at us in naked shock."…How the ever-loving _fuck_ do ya hosers still have your skin?" the otter asked numbly.

Soundbite, of course, responded with a taunting snap of his maw. " _Why dontcha try your luck_ **and find out,** EH?"

 _That_ got them bristling and hastily snapping their eyepieces back into place. "Don't mock my accent, ya hoser! Or I'll slit ya like a helpless bedlamer!" The otter's eyes flashed dangerously. "And I _always_ get my man- even if he's just a snail."

"Not the last four times I checked," I smirked tauntingly. Because really, why miss the chance to sling some shit at my worst nightmares?

"AND THOSE WERE THE _KILL.0 MODELS!_ **Do you** _ **really**_ **wanna test THE LUCK OF THE** _ **VANILLA?"**_ my companion concurred.

"Why, you little—!" Thirteen snarled, starting to go for his blades.

I spread my arms invitingly, one of them straying down towards Lassoo. "Bring it on, you wannabe-Moun—!"

" _OYOI!"_

 _ **WHAM!**_ CRASH!

"…did anybody get the flavor of that Sea King?" I moaned blearily.

" _ **Rubber BABY**_ **buggy** _bumpers I think I'm gonna be siiiick,"_ Soundbite slurred.

"It's sad enough that you railroaded your versions of those two into anything resembling nemeses, Xom," Lee's somewhat muffled voice came from behind me. "Maybe _avoid_ repeating the mistake?"

"In my defense, mine were evil son-bitches from the word go…" I got out as my vision cleared enough to see the Catalyst pulling back a fist, the other cradling its face. Sonnuva bitch must have punched me in the head.

Jones, meanwhile, came over to stand by the Unluckies, fingers buried in feathers and fur. She was _petting them?!_ What gives? And then she started crooning at them as if they were a pair of cats or something- those were tiny assassins, not pets! "Shh, calm down. It's okay. Cross is just an idiot; he didn't mean to offend you. And the snail's just a baby and doesn't know any better."

"…Fine." Mister Thirteen put his blades away with a huff and leaned into Jones' hand. Miss Friday wasn't nearly as affectionate, standing stiff as she fixed me with a beady glare. But at least she had put her gun away.

"Before you guys get into a glaring contest," chuffed Lassoo, changing to his full Zoan form from where I had dropped him nearby. "How about some alternative entertainment? Pretty sure Sanji has some fresh crayfish he could cook up for you, if you want."

Mister Thirteen and Miss Friday looked at each other, then back to Lassoo. The vulture fluffed her feathers. "Would he have steak and eggs too?" she asked after a long moment, her voice creaking like pines in a high wind.

"Of course."

"Then we accept." The pair hopped down off the rail and followed after Lassoo as the dog-gun lumbered off towards the galley.

 **-o-**

After the Unluckies left with Lassoo, I silently excused myself from Cross and Lee's presence. I needed a walk, needed to clear my head. Why? I wasn't sure, exactly. Just that, despite my antics with the foghorn, I was suddenly _not_ in the best of moods. I think maybe I was a little jealous…As everyone was reuniting with their loved ones all over the Thousand Sunny, a heavy was feeling growing in my chest. It distracted me. I didn't notice someone was approaching me until I'd practically walked into them, twisting out of the way at the last moment when I caught a glimpse of pale blue hair.

"Sorry, your highness."

"Actually, Jones, you're just who I was looking for." The princess smiled at me. Oh. Not _my_ Vivi, then. "Look, I know you're probably not too pleased with me- and after spending ten minutes with the version of me you've had to deal with, I understand completely- but I was wondering if you'd consent to a friendly spar. No powers, no Ruatha or Carue- just our weapons."

That- actually sounded like a lot of fun. Still, while my Vivi had been getting better as of late, I was slow to trust anyone who shared her face, at least in terms of motivations relating to myself. "Sounds great, but why?"

TB!Vivi's eye twitched; her fingers tightened around chains I could've sworn she wasn't holding a moment before. "Because, to reiterate, I just _met_ with your version of myself in all her suicidally naïve glory, and as a result I have an _incredible_ amount of frustration with that girl, and I'm guessing you do too. This way, we can work off some of the shared tension and _my_ newfound self-loathing before one or both of us does something we regret that will most likely land _me_ in intensive psychotherapy with my Chopper for a _month_."

Well, that was a pretty good reason. I nodded and shifted back into a fighting stance. "Sure, then. Let's go."

"Excellent." And just like that Vivi was racing towards me, her Lion Cutters starting to spin. I automatically blocked her first strike as I rotated into a round kick, only to have the chain wrap around my forearm. The blade itself continued around and drew a shallow line across my clavicle, carried by its momentum. And while I got in a decent kick at Vivi's side, making her wheeze and stagger, this left me in a very bad position.

Namely, I was trapped.

Bringing my foot back down and planting it, I heaved back on the chain with all my might. This brought Vivi flying towards me. Normally, having my opponent's center of balance would've been a good thing. But before I could _do_ anything with it, I saw a second chain swinging around towards me- and my tug had given the princess' attack extra momentum. I scrambled to draw one of my sais and get it up to block; it was ripped out of my hand a second later, flung across the deck by whipping chains.

"You're strong," Vivi said as she regained her balance. "But slow." The princess spun her second Lion Cutter at me again, forcing me to duck at the last second. I barely made it; the strike clipped the brim of my hat and knocked it off my head.

"And you're quick, but if I get a hit in… TAI!" My abrupt switch from speaking to a kiai startled Vivi into taking a step back. This wasn't great for me, since her weapons gave her a longer reach, but it didn't matter much- her Lion Cutter may have trapped my arm, but that meant she couldn't go very far from _me_ either, not unless she wanted to give up that potential advantage.

Of course, I didn't _just_ kiai; that would've been stupid. As Vivi was stepping back, I drove in with a three-level punch- face, throat, sternum. The princess dodged the first two, but the third caught her. Even as she wheezed, though, she took the opportunity to entangle my free arm with her second Lion Cutter. I growled. This close in, I couldn't get off a decent kick, and now mobility in my arms was severely limited. Damn flail weapons… How was I supposed to counter their ability to wrap around everything? I'd never learned techniques for _that_.

Well, there was nothing to lose by screwing up here- that's what sparring was for. So I dropped my weight and rolled backwards, shoving my feet up into Vivi's stomach as I fell. The princess coughed and flipped over me with the force of my throw, as had so many sparring partners in the past- and then kept going with a dancer's grace, coming to her feet with a slight stagger, her face an inch from the mast. Then she reversed, rolling back towards me to plant a foot on my stomach before I could get up. It didn't hurt, but it left me in a very awkward position.

"Yield?" she asked, stepping to the side to let me breathe and answer. My crazy grin appeared with a hissed inhalation.

"Sesehihihihihi! Not even close!" It hurt my shoulders- they weren't supposed to bend _quite_ that way, especially under pressure- but I heaved on the chains again, forcing Vivi to roll down and across. I used the momentum to twist to my feet. The princess came up with me.

A flick of Vivi's wrist freed one of my arms, plus her corresponding Lion Cutter. The princess sliced down on an angle as I drove in with a reverse punch; the chain wrapped around my shoulder, bruising, while the blade stung my lower back. Once more, my punch made Vivi wheeze and stagger. I pivoted on one leg, heaving on my still-trapped arm, desperate to get the princess into position for a good kick. Only, I'd forgotten that doing so only gave her more momentum to use in her own attacks. Cold metal wrapped twice around my throat, the blade coming to rest at my spine with another slight sting.

"How about now?" Vivi's voice was practically right in my ear. I reached up stiffly to tug at the chain around my neck. No slack whatsoever, although it wasn't exactly tight either.

"Fine. I yield."

Steel links unwound from my windpipe. Vivi stepped back, looking slightly worn and ruffled, but quite pleased. "Thank you for that. I feel somewhat better now…" she trailed off before sighing despondently. "For all that wanting to merely throttle my duplicate is an improvement over wanting to scalp her, but still, thank you."

"No problem." I examined the shallow cuts I'd gained, but none of them were in need of immediate attention. Satisfied, I turned and raised an eyebrow at the princess. "Now, if you don't mind me asking- why didn't you use that Sovereign Will thing on me the first time? You could've made me surrender immediately."

"Two reasons." Vivi brushed a few loose hairs back into place. "One, I _did_ say no powers- that goes for me as much as for you, even if mine aren't from a Devil Fruit. And two… No, I couldn't have. Sovereign Will requires that you _respect_ me in order for it to work, and seeing the version of me you've had to put up with, I highly doubt that's the case."

"Well, in that case, you'd be wrong." I retrieved my lost sai, slipping it back into place beside its mate. Vivi shot me an incredulous look.

"You respe- _how_? I was only with her for ten minutes and she was acting like- just _how_?"

I shrugged. "After some of the people I've known, it takes a lot to lose my respect. And even if I don't agree with her, I understand at least part of where she's coming from. It hurts a little, but I'm used to it. Plus I know you're one of the strongest versions of yourself- emotionally, as well as combat-wise- to exist in the multiverse, so I might do what you said even without Sovereign Will. _Might_ \- I don't like taking orders. Buuut anyways…" Here I let my grin take over again. "Up for a round two? I'd like to play around a bit, see if I can figure out some counters to your Lion Cutters. I've never had a chance to fight someone who uses flail-type weapons before. Plus I've been in the mood for a good fight or six ever since a certain armoured idiot and I got chased across the wild blue yonder by the giant Nemo slayer."

Vivi hesitated before shaking her head with a smile. "As much as I would like to oblige, I should probably be getting back to my mother. I left her with my counterpart in the hopes that it would help the latter adjust, but…"

"Understood. I hope you enjoy the rest of your visit with your mom." I bowed- and then automatically snapped a salute when I straightened. Since the first motion was Japanese in style, and the second British, I assume I looked rather silly. Vivi certainly thought so, stifling a giggle at my actions.

"Thank you, Jones. And I hope you enjoy getting to see your…" She trailed off, uncertain. I waved her off.

"Don't worry about me. Just having everyone together like this is enough. Interesting, fun, makes my friends happy- what more could I ask for?"

"If you're sure." Vivi stared at me briefly before making her way back towards wherever she'd left Nefertari Titi and my own princess.

Happy and loose after my bout with Vivi, I wandered over and flopped down back near Cross and Lee, where they were looking over the various scenes with contented smiles. Watching them together made me frown as I came to a slow realization. "Hey… If you're _both_ here… When's the third member of the Cross-Brain showing up? Shouldn't he be around somewhere?"

Both turned to look at me- Cross with shock, Lee with amusement.

"Well—"

"Third?! Cross-Brain?! What?!"

Grin now even wider, Lee waved his hand. "No, go ahead, Xom, get it out of your system."

"Where do I even start!?" he sputtered, eyes wide in shock. "The fact that I actually _have_ a second friend as good as you, or the fact that we've actually managed to stick together long enough that we've actually got a group name going!? Are… we sure we're not talking about some freaky _adjacent_ Earth me or some— _GAH!"_ Cross suddenly started clawing at his skull with a growl of agony.

"I don't think that's ever going to get— _YOW!"_ Lee blinked, rubbing his temples.

Then, just as swiftly as their fits came over them, my seniors swiftly relaxed, albeit with far-off looks in their eyes.

"…two things," Cross deadpanned, his eyelid twitching menacingly. "First, one day I _will_ find a way to shove that omni-everything bastard's mobius loop of a skull inside his fourth-dimensional ass. And second… I, one of the biggest Leeroy Jenkins in the history of fiction, have a cowriter named _The Patient One._ I've been on these seas almost a year, and _I_ think that's insane."

" **Seconded,** _and I've heard MORE INSANITY_ SINCE I MET YOU _**than most people ever do,"**_ Soundbite said in the same tone.

"Yes, you do have a cowriter named The Patient One. And he milks that name for all the puns he can produce," Lee stated, just as flat. "As for BROB, if I ever find that asshole I'm going to give him a FOOF enema. Still…" The older Stand-user rubbed his chin contemplatively. "Assuming his plans went through, he was inserted into Yu-Gi-Oh!, and I wish him good luck."

"Oh." I felt a twinge of disappointment. It would've been _awesome_ to meet _three_ of the greatest fanfic writers from when I'd been reading. About to apologize for bringing it up, I froze as the disappointment was followed up by another, stranger sensation. It felt like someone was standing behind me, close; I could feel warmth at my back. And arms… Like someone was hugging me from behind. Except it didn't make me feel anxious, for once. Instead I felt protected. Wanted. The feeling faded slowly, leaving me confused… and wishing a little for its return.

"One more thing," Lee continued, holding up a finger. "We have _how many_ favorites and reviews?!"

"IS IT _**over 9000?!"**_ Soundbite chortled.

Cross wound up to dopeslap his partner's shell…

"Eh, with enough time…" I grinned as I waved my hand back and forth.

And _there_ was the pole-axed look I'd been looking for. "That popular?!" he choked out, and I noticed Lee being equally attentive.

"Put it this way," I spread my arms demonstratively. "You're the _Sword of Shannara_ of the One Piece fandom!" I waited and… jack squat. I matched their blank looks with one of my own. "Seriously? I thought you guys were readers."

"We are!" Cross protested before coughing sheepishly. "Just… not in this case, you know?"

"Ditto, though in my defense the world I was punted into was divergent enough that I doubt it had that book either," Lee shrugged indifferently. "So what's the significance of that reference exactly?"

"Well—!" I started to explain.

" _Massively popular novel_ **that proved that THE FANTASY GENRE HAD WORTH** _ **beyond Tolkien's Lord of the Rings,"**_ Soundbite fell silent for a bit… before scowling irritably at our dumbstruck looks. " _HEY, I CAN LISTEN AND GET USEFUL_ INTEL OFF THE INTERWEBS! **I don't do it often, sure,** _**BUT IT HAPPENS!"**_

"Yeah, once in a blue moon when pigs spontaneously grow wings and _fly_ over Satan skating to work," Lee snarked.

" _AS I SAID,_ **not often,"** the little pest shrugged, inasmuch as he could. "OH, AND BY THE WAY? _**The scouts**_ _are all COMING BACK."_

"GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!" Boss's voice roared out of nowhere. I looked around, and saw him coming to a stop on a far side of the ship. The TDWS appeared a moment later—and I dreaded to ask what in the world Boss had done, because he and they were effectively re-enacting Jurassic World's raptor scene, only those four were glaring him down with the kind of sadistic anticipation that I'd only seen in the story before the crew starting beating down Oars while he was stuck.

"I'd suggest begging for mercy, Boss!" Cross called over with an ill-hidden snicker.

"A REAL MAN NEVER BEGS FOR HIS OWN LIFE!" the wizened dugong roared indignantly.

 _SHINK!_

He then froze as he found Leo's blade stuck clean in the middle of his face. "He does, however," he amended calmly. "Know when to perform a tactical retreat." And with that, the Dugongs fell into the water, kicking up a frothing mess around the Sunny and Merry the Younger.

"Fare thee well, Boss," Cross saluted the poor bastard sarcastically.

" _I AIN'T DEAD YET, YOU SONNUVA—_ GAH!"

"No, but you will be soon enough…" Cross snickered, watching the bash go on for a bit…

 _BOOM!_

Before glancing up with interest as a few of the wrecks in the distance started to shift, some from explosions and others from sliding apart. "Ah, looks like Chopper and Zoro are on their way back."

"Guess they must have found Hiruluk and Kuina," I deduced. "Wonder if Johnny and Yosaku are with them."

"Oh, so you dropped in early enough to pick up the cleaver twins?" Cross asked with interest. "Huh, bit cliché, but I don't doubt you're making it work. Good for you."

"Actually…" I leaned back against a rail and tilted my hat back out of my eyes, the standard 'cowboy about to tell a tall tale' pose. "I dropped in just before the Baratie. Have you not seen Ghin wandering around? Between his overprotectiveness, and Johnny and Yosaku's… being themselves, it was like getting an older brother and two younger ones in the space of a few days…"

 **-o-**

High above, the rigging bounced as two silvery foxes chased each other along the lines, snapping playfully. Chattering calls sounded as the mother-daughter pair bounded along the ropes. Meanwhile on the deck, a slightly more grounded reunion was going on- only _slightly_ more grounded, seeing as the young women getting to know each other were a pair of literal angels.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Conis wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "I can't believe Father managed to do _that_ to your wedding cake!"

Serra smiled beatifically as she tapped the tip of her parasol on the lawn. "Really, dear, is it _so_ much harder to believe than what you told me about him blowing up the bathroom when he refused to call a handyman?"

"…No, I guess not." The younger angel shook her head with a bright smile. "It's Father; I shouldn't be surprised. He'll knock his own beard off one of these days."

The older angel chuckled. "Even so, if he ever decides to bake you a cake, ensure that he remembers the difference between cinnamon and cumin."

An indignant squawk interrupted the pair's story exchanging; not far away, two more women were glaring at each other so intensely it almost seemed they had lightning crackling in between them.

The redhead took a challenging step forward as she snarled at her white-haired opponent. " _What did you just call me?_ "

"You heard me, Government _Dog_. There's no such thing as an ex-marine," the taller woman sneered. "We're lucky these mists are impenetrable to normal acts of time and space, otherwise you'd turn us _all_ in."

"My daughters are on these ships, you Void-hunting bitch! How dare you suggest I would do _anything_ to harm them! GRAH!" Bellemere bellowed furiously as she swung a wild punch at Olvia; the archaeologist slid around the blow, a dark glint in her eyes _promising_ pain.

The sight dragged a pair of exasperated sighs from Conis and Serra. On the opposite side of the irate pair, another woman had the same reaction. Nefertari Titi shook her head as if she were regarding a pair of naughty toddlers before sending a significant glance Serra's way. The elder angel rose, shooting her daughter an apologetic look. "Just a minute, Love. Let me see if I can get those two to pipe down."

Serra approached Bellemere and Olvia with her hands raised, a sign of peace. They paused in their squabbling to frown at her as she came closer. "Ladies, this is supposed to be a happy day. Please stop fighting- you'll worry your daughters."

The response was… _less_ than peaceful.

"Shove it, ya filthy pirate!" Bellemere shot an obscene gesture Serra's way. "I don't wanna hear about worrying family from some floozy who took off when _her_ daughter was barely out of her diapers."

"That's the one thing we _can_ agree on," Olvia sniffed. "At least _my_ only crimes were being literate and having my own opinion."

Well, that was just—! Serra struggled to hold onto her temper. Opposite her, Titi sighed again and rolled her eyes. The queen approached Bellemere from behind as the ex-marine turned to snarl something at Olvia, motioning discreetly to Serra as she did so. The angel nodded and moved so she was slightly behind the archaeologist.

"There's a _reason_ you're not supposed to hunt those stones, you—!"

 _THUNK!_

Skull met skull as Titi and Serra slammed the combatants' heads together, the argument dying a brutal death as Bellemere and Olvia both keeled over with pained gurgles, their blank eyes indicating a distinct _lack_ of consciousness.

Titi turned to Serra with a smile and granted her a graceful bow. "Thank you for your assistance, ma'am."

"No problem, Love." The angel grinned and dusted off her hands. "Honestly? It was just like being back on the Jackson. It feels like we have to solve a problem that way every hour on the hour."

Titi hid a snicker behind her hand as she righted herself, an impish glint in her eye. "Funny, I was about to say the same, only in regards to the last Reverie I attended."

Serra's grin widened as she held her elbow out to the queen. "Oooh, please _do_ tell."

Titi eagerly hooked her arm with the pirate's and the pair started to walk off…

"Mrgh…" Bellemere groaned as she started to sit up, rubbing the latest goosebump she'd accrued. "This is why I _hated_ the damn Royal postings…"

 _THWACK!_

Though not before the handle of Serra's parasol _accidentally_ swung into the Marine's cranium, dropping her like a sack of potatoes.

 **-o-**

"Other me, can you pass the garlic?" 12!Sanji called over as he rifled through the Sunny's cabinets, making a face as he processed what he'd just said. "Never thought something like _that'd_ be coming out of my mouth…"

"Sure thing. And me neither." The twin cooks were just finishing up dinner, their older/younger sister sitting on a stool watching them. TB!Sanji had just tossed 12!Sanji a garlic bulb when the door creaked open behind them. Heavy boots thudded against wood.

"Hey… Older, less shitty Shit Cook, can I talk to you for a bit?" Ghin leaned against the counter beside TB!Sanji. Both cooks huffed- their domain was _sacred_ , couldn't the war dog at least _wash his hands_ before he touched everything? But the elder nodded as he carefully tossed an immense Caesar salad.

"Sure, I guess. What about?"

"Jones said you were the one who saved me, in versions where she wasn't there. Mostly just wanted to say thanks, on behalf of the me from your world. Although… I'm kinda surprised not to see him here."

"Ah, don't worry about it," TB!Sanji waved him off indifferently as he flipped the contents of a frying pan. "He's doing well enough for himself- found his own shittier captain to serve. Though last I heard, he was pissed at the guy for stealing his credit over punching out a Celestial Dragon."

A dark grin crossed Ghin's face; he managed to tilt his head at just the right angle to make his _headband_ shadow his eyes. "That so? _Good_. Those bastards have it coming, and more. If I could take out every last one of 'em… Although I guess that means yours is one step ahead of me. Figures." The older pirate let out a huff of laughter. "Ah, well, I'm sure I'll catch up soon enough."

Pushing off the counter, Ghin wandered back out of the galley. He waved over his shoulder before slamming the door; 12!Sanji shook his head, but said nothing.

Reiju smiled at the sight. "You've made some good friends, Sanji. Both of you. You're happy here, aren't you? More than you could've been at home?"

The Sanjis looked at each other. "This _is_ home," they said in unison. "This, and the Baratie. Nowhere else."

"Oh. That's good. I'm proud." Hopping off her stool, Reiju was at the counter before either of her brothers could blink. "You were always too good of a person for Father; these pirates deserve you more. And you're even a decent cook now." The little princess reached out and absconded with a small spoonful of pudding before skipping out of the room. Both Sanjis stared at her, aghast.

"Reiju, wait! That's for dessert!"

"You're supposed to eat your vegetables first, you little—!" The cooks both gave up the fight with defeated sighs as they shook their heads. It was no use; Reiju wasn't going to listen. She never had. But she loved them, in her own strange way, and even after all these years, they still loved her too.

"Alright, we should probably start moving these out; they'll be kicking a party off any second now." TB!Sanji suggested.

"Tsh, damn right," 12!Sanji nodded sagely. "I can already hear Luffy shouting at the top of his lungs: 'Sanji, food!'"

"Did someone say 'food'?" both Luffys said in unison, one at the door and the other at a porthole. The Sanjis rolled their eyes as they picked up various dishes and brought them out on deck.

"Yeah, yeah, we're coming. Keep your hats on."

"We always do! What's that got to do with food?"

Someone—likely the Choppers and Usopps—had dragged a bunch of tables together on the deck to use as a buffet. The Sanji's set their precious burdens down, then turned in unison and punted their captains across the Sunny when the Luffys tried to jump on the food.

"Wait until the ladies have a chance!" TB!Sanji shouted.

"And preferably everyone else too!" was 12!Sanji's addition.

To their credit, both Luffys backed off and waited until the food was placed on the tables before quite literally diving in… though thankfully, by that point the Sanjis were prepared and the duo slammed face-first into their boots, prompting the quartet to fall into a brawl.

Reiju stood to the side, watching the exchange with a raised eyebrow. "Well, _this_ is certainly a new sight."

"Not for me it isn't," Makino giggled to herself. "Luffy and his brothers fought all the time."

Reiju's expression fell flat. "So did Sanji and his," she muttered melancholically, before she donned a fond smile. "I'm talking about the fact that he's actually holding his own."

Makino blinked at the young girl in surprise, but she swiftly gave her a kind smile. "Well, as nice as that is, I'm afraid it won't last long if he's standing between Luffy and food, so let's get some while we can. Shall we?"

"No need, I saw this coming a mile off," Reiju waved the bartender to the side. "I hid a stockpile of food while Sanji and Sanji were cooking. Care to have some?"

Makino took one look at the throng of people surrounding the small banquet before following the young girl with a beaming smile. "I'd love some, thank you."

The two headed for the kitchen, but paused as they saw the crew's ship-girl emerge with a large bowl filled with what looked very much like a trifle.

"Hey, how come _she_ gets dessert first?" Reiju questioned, drawing everyone's attention. Most of the TB!crew just gave a glance before going back to what they were doing, but most of the rest seemed indignant.

"She has a point," 12!Sanji said. "I can understand serving the ladies first, but—"

"It's not a dessert, it just looks like one," Franky grunted as he piled a plate high, holding it out of reach of his crew by dint of his outweighing most of the crew by half. "And it's not even _edible_ unless you were born a ship, so unless you want your stomach pumped, keep away from—"

"Fos?" A white dragon hatchling jumped up on Merry's shoulder and shoved his muzzle into her dish. The ship-girl let out a squawk of surprise. Ruatha was gone before she could do anything to him, tumbling down and across the deck while his scales turned a sickly shade of green. An instant later, the dragonet was retching over the side. "GYACH! Krastov! Hyech, hyech!"

"…Merry's food," Franky groaned as the dragon began coughing, prompting Jones and both Choppers to rush over, one in alarm, one in exasperation, and one in exasperated alarm.

"What is it, _poison?"_ Reiju asked.

"Assorted cloth, oil, and pitch," TB!Sanji deadpanned. "Like Franky said, gourmet for a ship-girl, inedible for anyone else."

Reiju and everyone who wasn't of the TB!crew blanched, and Sanji turned to his counterpart. "…OK, even I have to draw the line here. How do you make something that looks and smells so delicious out of cloth and oil?"

"With a lot of practice and help from some of the world's best shipwrights," TB!Sanji responded with a miserable grimace.

"And he has had a _lot_ of practice!" Merry hummed happily as she started to suck down her distinctly _unappetizing_ confection.

12!Usopp promptly shoved his plate back into place with a distinctly green hue to his face. "Aaaand just like that I've lost my appetite."

"Speak for yourse~elf!" Robin the Younger grinned as food was piled higher and higher on her plate, Pompeii's patchwork arms reaching out to grab Mikey's discarded plate.

"Wait, wha—WHAT THE HELL!?" Franky blurted out as he noticed that not only was the tyke skimping off the top of his plate, but so too was a certain meteorological tentacle, belonging to a certain navigator. "Aww, c'mon, you too, Big Sis?! Don't you girls have first come first served privileges!?"

"What can I say?" TB!Nami grinned as her Eisen Tempo piled her food into her hands. "Somehow, it just tastes better when it carries the spice of theft! Aaaall the sweeter!"

"I'll eat to that," Robin the Elder hummed pleasantly.

"That's the ide- _HEY!"_ TB!Nami barked as she noticed an autonomous limb swiping food from her _own_ plate.

"All's fair when you're a pi~ra~te," Elder Robin sang cheekily.

"Why, you—!"

A short ways away, Nico Olvia was watching with no small amount of bemusement as an indignant cyborg tried to fend off the thieving efforts of both her younger daughter and a meteorological-controlling navigator, who herself was dueling with the thieving hands of her _older_ daughter.

The rebellious archaeologist watched the exhibition for a few seconds longer before slowly tilting her head to the side in confusion. "How the _hell_ am I seeing this while I'm still sober?"

"My thoughts exactly!"

Olvia's blaring instincts prompted her to spin on her heel, bringing her face to face with…the label of a bottle? Her unasked question was answered when she noticed that said bottle was being held up next to the grinning and flushed face of a certain mohawk-bearing Marine.

"Bellemere," she greeted coolly, confirming with a glance that the angel and queen nearby had their attention on her before glancing back at the Marine. "I see you managed to find where they keep the liquor?"

"Not like it was hidden anyways!" Bellemere snickered before shaking the bottle in a tempting manner. "More importantly, seeing as you were just griping about being too sober, wanna fix it?"

Olvia gave the Marine a look of sheer disbelief. "I thought your opinion of me was that I was a, and I quote, 'Void-hunting bitch'."

"Oh, you most definitely are, no question!" Bellemere agreed wholeheartedly, her smile wavering an inch _._ "Which makes it all the more important that I get you drinking!"

The Oharan's eye twitched as she tried to process just what she was hearing. "I beg your pardon?"

The Marine's grin took on a taunting overtone as she shoved it in her rival's face. "No way in _hell_ can I let myself fail in a contest of livers against a reckless idiot like you. We Marines have _pride!"_

Olvia cocked her eyebrow in a decidedly unimpressed manner. "And?"

Bellemere's smile changed to a grimace as she glanced in the direction of the 'peacemakers' that had broken them up, and who were still eyeing them even now. "Aaaaand I've already had _three_ concussions today. This seems like a good way to avoid a fourth while still trying to show your scrawny ass up."

Olvia's eye twitched yet again, only a lot more violently. Her eyes flicked from Bellemere to Titi and Serra, and then to the display at the buffet table; her daughters were still using their powers to snatch up food, and thoroughly enjoying it. She took a moment to appreciate the smiles that they had before turning back to the Marine, and accepting the bottle.

"Fine, then. But all bets are off if either Robin asks me for something," she said.

Bellemere's smirk widened tauntingly. "That's the one thing I can respect about you. Now put up or shut up, or are you too chicken-shit of a bookworm to—?"

Olvia cut her off by snatching the bottle out of Bellemere's hand, knocking it back and draining it of its contents in a matter of seconds a few decisive gulps. Once she was finished, she pinned the Marine with a firm glare as she shook the bottle out. "You're looking at the results of spending the better part of half a decade on the run, bitch."

Bellemere blinked at her in surprise for a moment, but she swiftly rallied in favor of donning an ecstatic grin as she raised her own bottle in a toast. " _Now_ we're talkin'! Let's have us some _fun!"_

As it became clear that there was no danger of them acting up, Titi and Serra were able to relax and focus on more enjoyable things- namely, their daughters and the defense of their dinner. Titi and Serra both turned their attention to the buffet table, their daughters coming up alongside them. Smiling, the elder angel picked up a set of chopsticks along with her dinner. "Oh! I know a delightful party game we can play with these!"

"Really?" Titi picked up her own set, staring at them questioningly. "I've never heard of such a thing. How do you play?"

"Like this!" Serra promptly stuck the chopsticks up her nose, settling the other ends on her lower lip to create a bizarrely stretched smile. Conis blinked at her in shock for a moment before dissolving into a giggling mess as she grabbed up another pair of wood and started to imitate her mother.

TB!Vivi glanced at her counterpart with a sly smile. "Come on, Mother; we do it all the time." So saying, the elder princess retrieved her own utensils and stuck them up her nose. Titi stared a little longer, then shrugged.

"Well, I suppose it can't do any harm." Much to the horror of her younger daughter, the queen joined in as well. And was soon having a lot of fun, dancing around with chopsticks in her nose, arm in arm with the others. 12!Vivi stared as if the other women had all grown extra heads.

"You… wha… _Mother!"_ she yelped indignantly, "I realize that my _alternate_ might have grown… _uncouth_ in her exile—!"

"I'd like to politely tell you to _shove it,_ other me!" TB!Vivi grit out through her rictus grin, a vein prominently throbbing on her brow.

"But _we're_ still civilized, so could you… _please_ not do that? It's undignified, and it looks painful." 12!Vivi shot a scowl in TB!Vivi's direction. Titi laughed.

"Of _course_ we can talk about something more ladylike if that's what you'd like, dear. So… Are there any cute pirate boys either of you have your eye on? Hmm?"

"Ah! I think I stabbed myself in the sinus!" 12!Vivi yelped as she hastily jabbed a chopstick at her nose. Her eyes were wide and her face was flushed red. "How do you fit these in without doing serious injury?"

"Or are you still waiting for that nice boy back home? What was his name again?"

Frantically looking around for an out, her eyes alighted on Cross and Lee, who so far had been standing back, away from the carnage and looking thoroughly amused by the whole scene. "Uh, would either of you like me to get something for you?" she desperately asked.

Cross' only response was to raise his Vision Dial and snap a picture, while Lee- was suddenly holding a full plate of food?! What?! But ho- oh, right. "Stands are precisely as bullshit as advertised, aren't they?" Cross asked offhandedly.

"B-rank speed is very nice," commented Lee as he took a bite. His face immediately lit up. "Oh my God, this is so good…"

Upon seeing a number of women with chopsticks up their noses, the Usopps and Choppers let out little yelps of glee. Soon there was a pair of snipers dancing around arm in arm, wooden utensils on proud display. The Choppers were slightly slower to join in, although that was only because they paused to show Hiriluk how to shove _his_ chopsticks up his nose without hurting himself. Banchina didn't rise to join the dance, but even she had chopsticks up her nose almost as soon as her sons did. She'd probably learned it from her husband.

"Alright, Big Bro!" Johnny and Yosaku raced in a second later, taking their places on either side of the linked Usopps to form a chopstick kick line.

Fuming, the Sanjis glared around at the spreading epidemic, unable to decide who to kick first. "What's wrong with you shitheads? Can't you just sit down and eat like civilized people for _once in your shitty lives?!_ "

"Big Sis Serra started it!" Johnny yelped, a small leap dragging his end of the kick line further from the irate cooks. Both Sanjis froze, unable to comprehend the idea of an angelic woman being the leader of the so-called 'shitheads.'

Smiling, Reiju snuck up behind her brothers, making them jump when she announced her presence with a cough. "Relax, Sanji. It's all in good fun- enjoy it." So saying, the tiny blonde girl snatched her own pair of chopsticks off the buffet table and stuffed them up her nose. Both Sanjis were too flabbergasted to do anything.

Off to one side, the Zoros leaned back against a rail, Kuina sitting in between them. No one, not even the Luffys, dared try and steal from the little girl's plate while she was under the fond eyes of the twin swordsmen. Munching thoughtfully on a carrot, Kuina looked from one Zoro to the other.

"You've come a long way since we were little. I'm proud, even if you still have a long way to go." The little girl sighed heavily. "I'm glad you talked Father into letting you have Wado after… She wouldn't have been happy hanging on a wall."

"Of course. I couldn't just let—!"

"It wouldn't have felt right to—!"

Both Zoros stopped suddenly when they realized they were talking at the same time, their ears turned slightly red. When neither of them resumed speaking immediately, Kuina smiled. "I know. That's why I'm especially glad it was _you_."

"It's still not right…" 12!Zoro grumbled. "You should've been here the whole time, giving the shit cook hell with me."

TB!Zoro nodded. "Even if we fulfill your dream too, it still doesn't… We'll never know how strong you _could've_ been, whether you _could've_ made World's Strongest Swordsman."

"Hey! If either of you can, I can too!" Kuina's eyes flashed. "You know what I think? I think that when you die, you'll find your versions of me waiting for you. I'll keep training in the afterlife so when we meet again, we can have our duel. Even if I can't be the greatest swordsman in this world, I'll be the greatest in the next one."

The Zoros each placed a hand on one of Kuina's shoulders, chuckling. "We'll see. After all, to earn that title—"

"You'll still have to beat us."

With both Zoros thus distracted and Ghin off somewhere with Tippy, there was no one to tell either Sanji off for wolf-whistling when an unfamiliar—and rather attractive—woman appeared in the midst of the chaos. Not that she paid them much attention at first. Smiling broadly, the newcomer waved at Kaya and Merry, who were off on one of the rails. "Thanks for letting me borrow the shoes, Hun. They fit great, and it sure helps my balance."

"Don't mention it." Kaya smiled. "And they look lovely on you."

"Who's that?" 12!Sanji breathed to his counterpart. "She's gorgeous!"

"No idea." The smoke from TB!Sanji's cigarette morphed into little hearts. "So, she's not on your crew, then?"

"I thought she was on yours. Must be someone's older sister or something."

The newcomer finally seemed to notice that the cooks were talking about her- and she didn't mind one bit. Sauntering over, she slung her arms over both their shoulders and hung between the Sanjis with a slight giggle. "Aww… Are you boys staring at my butt?"

"No!"/"Yes!"

"Well, at least one of you's honest. Go right ahead; I'm kinda proud of it, and just looking don't hurt anyone." The woman winked, causing both Sanjis to flush bright red. "And don't worry; I'm nobody's sister, so you won't have to worry about any angry brothers getting on your ass."

"But if you're not someone's sister," 12!Sanji wondered. "And you look too young to be anyone's mother… Who are you?"

"Name's Kokoro. Apparently I'm here for Franky; my future self raised him or something. Interesting boy."

TB!Sanji paled noticeably. He froze as Kokoro continued to hug and giggle. "I am… _so_ conflicted right now…"

"Really?" his counterpart mumbled dazedly. "Why's that?"

"Trust me when I say, you don't want to know." And with that, he slunk off back to the food table, muttering something about a man's dream and dugongs.

"IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME, SANJI, I'M A LITTLE BUSY AT THE MOMENT!" roared a ballistic seal-turtle hybrid as he shot across the deck, snagging a few strips of meat from the buffet table before blurring out of sight again. A moment later, the TDWS came into view; despite their ever-murderous appearance, they were panting a little.

"Dang it… we're slowing down," Leo growled.

"The hell we are. Hit the caffeine!" Mikey declared, shooting forward and snagging a mound of chocolate from the table, scarfing it down, and vanishing.

"Damn it, for once the nunchuk numbskull's right!" Raphey snapped, grabbing a sugary treat of her own off the table. "Sugar for energy, GO!" And with that, the dugong shoved the pastry down her throat and _also_ blurred out of sight.

Donny and Leo hesitated with their own choices of 'food', glancing at each other uneasily. "…this is gonna _suck_ later, isn't it?" Donny deduced miserably.

"Yeah…" Leo nodded grimly. "But at the least, we're gonna make _**him**_ suffer first, so bottoms up!"

With that, they each downed a can of the unholy brainchild of Franky's cola and Chopper's adrenaline serums that they had simply named 'Monster.' A second later, the pair seemed to start vibrating in place. From the perspective of everyone else that is; Donny and Leo had a very different view. Namely, from what I could get out of their insensate mumblings after the fact? To them, the world suddenly _froze_. Even sound- while they could understand each other perfectly, everything else seemed like a low, senseless roar. And when they moved, they didn't blur away from the viewing parties; they simply vanished.

 **-o-**

"Thank goodness we only had two cans of that stuff," Franky muttered, eyeing the starry-eyed Luffys who were staring at where the two Dugongs had been a moment before, then picking up the cans and surreptitiously heading for Chopper's lab.

"I'll second that," I nodded, flashing back to the last time Luffy had gotten ahold of an adrenaline-inducing solution and promptly shuddering in bowel-voiding horror.

So… much… _goulash…_

A thud beside me drew me out of my thoughts; Jones had returned, vaulting over her Luffy's arm to land beside me. Ruatha was perched on her shoulder once more, looking no worse for wear despite what he'd tried eating. Little dragon must have a stomach of iron. The dragon mother sat down and portioned out food for her hatchling before getting started on her own dinner. A soft smile, much different from her earlier grins, grew on her face.

"It's nice to see everyone so happy. I'm glad… This will at least give everyone a little closure." Her voice was quiet, and a little… sad?

It took a second for things to ping for me, but once they did I adjusted my place in my seat so that I could lean forwards and get a clean look at her. "Hey… Jones?" I started tentatively. "I… geeze, can't believe we forgot, but… do you… want to slip out real quick? Just, I dunno, do a quick circuit of the place? With Soundbite's range, I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard to find-?"

"No point." Jones shook her head promptly, her expression unchanged. "There wouldn't be anyone out there."

"Hey, come on-!" I started to assure her.

"Really, they're not," she pressed on, a slightly melancholic smile coming across her lips. "If anyone I used to know was coming, we'd know by now. My friends weren't exactly masters of stealth, and Great-Grandpa… Imagine Garp, but German. I haven't heard or seen any signs of _anyone_. They're not out there."

I did my best to hide a grimace as I considered who she had and, more specifically, _hadn't_ included in her list of possibles. "Ah, geeze, Jones…"

"I-It's fine, Cross, really," she assured me, a renewed kind of energy coming into her smile. "For a while I was… _resigned_ to the idea that maybe no one was coming for me at all. But I've been thinking about it, and I think… I know better now."

"Seriously?" I perked up eagerly, casting surreptitious glances left and right. "Well, that's great! Who is it? Is it someone he-?"

Out of the blue I was cut off… by Jones poking me in the dead center of my forehead?

"You, moron," she snickered, her tone indicating that she meant that both with and without the comma. "I think it was supposed to be you. Weird, I know, we- we'd never met before- but it's the only explanation I can think of for…" She trailed off, waving a hand at the two crews surrounding us with joyful chaos.

I blinked at her numbly before running my hand through my hair with an exasperated laugh. "Ah, _geeze,_ Jones… way to put pressure on a guy…" But, just as swiftly, I gave her a wide grin. "But hell, way to make him feel special too. And seeing as that's the case!" I clapped my hands and rubbed them together. "Seeing as that's the case, I might as well act the part by asking the essential question!" I leaned in to give her an inquisitive smile. "How's life on the Blue Seas been treating you?"

"Like a chew toy," she answered swiftly, not even a _hint_ of hesitation in her voice. "Everything seems to be out to eat me, all my plans get flipped on their side, even fights that should be easy aren't what I thought they'd be… But maudit, I'm having so much _fun_." She broke off for a moment, staring into space. "I could've died a number of times already- could die tomorrow, for all I know. But you know what?" Here, her mad grin returned with a vengeance. "If I do, I'm taking the _whole_ _ **fucking**_ _Grand Line_ down with me."

 **-o-**

I slammed my fist into my palm to emphasize my words, releasing a small, harmless shockwave from the impact. Ruatha chirped in agreement.

Beside us, Cross was… oddly silent for a long moment. His expression blank as he stared at me, and I could tell that… _something_ was churning in his head.

Finally, he folded his hands on the table, and pinned me with a _hard_ look. "Jones," he stated firmly. "I want you to do me a favor, alright?"

"Eh?" I cocked my head to the side in confusion, Ruatha following my example. "Sure. What is it?"

"Keep going. No matter what, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts… you keep going, alright? Because… you can make it, understand? I can see in you the exact same kind of guts that are in me. The _exact_ same will to succeed. And I want you to know… when you reach the top? When you hit the top of the world… we'll be there. We'll be there, waiting to welcome you with open arms… because you have _earned it._ And because we know that you can _make it._ "

Whaaaa…? My brain momentarily ceased all function. No one had ever… The next thing I knew, Ruatha was tumbling off of my shoulder as I launched myself forwards. I collided with Cross in a hug that probably would've been _painful_ without my fruit, clinging to him for all I was worth. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes; I hid my face against his shoulder so no one would see them. "Thank you… Just, thank you…"

I felt another body press against my back, arms wrapping around the both of us. A thick beard tickled the top of my head. Lee. He didn't say anything; he just hugged.

And then there was a third presence as well, though not physical, as the warmth from earlier returned. An invisible force that made me feel safe… What I would give to be able to find the source. It felt like… love?

I don't know how long the… four? of us were in that position, but when Cross and Lee pulled back, I saw pretty much everyone looking at us. Some in shock, some in confusion, and some in approval. And of the ones in the third category, the two Luffys were the most notable with their D-shaped grins. A second later, they moved in unison, raising a pair of mugs. Within seconds, everyone onboard had joined them. The captains were clearly on the same wavelength at this point, as they spoke in unison as well:

"To the craziness of the Grand Line that brought us here, to the best meat we've ever had—"

I _wanted_ to feel exasperated at that, but with two Sanjis in the kitchen? Yeah, it was worth mentioning. Especially the bacon.

"—And to our friends from another world, and all their shenanigans!"

Suddenly, Lee had a mug in his hand, and was holding out another pair towards us via Stand. Which was still freaky, by the way, but it didn't stop us from taking the mugs.

" _KANPAI!"_ both Luffys declared in unison.

" _KANPAI!"_ was the unanimous response from everyone surrounding us.

Cross and I exchanged bemused looks, before we both grinned from ear to ear and slammed our mugs together.

" _KANPAI!"_

 **Cross-Brain AN: Now, for clarity's sake: Jones, Ruatha, and the alternate Straw Hats are from another One Piece SI called** _ **Twelve Red Lines.**_ **Its author, Vikingr, graciously collaborated with us on this chapter, and we would like to extend our thanks.**

 **Vikingr AN: As I would like to extend a great many thanks to the Senpais for allowing me to work with them. I'd never collaborated with anyone on a fic before; this was a good learning experience and a lot of fun.**

 **Xomniac AN: For the record, Cross's words at the end? They're** _ **exactly**_ **why we chose to write this omake, because upon reading the first few chapters of** _ **Twelve Red Lines...**_ **well hell, we just** _ **knew it**_ **to be true. We might be the up-and-coming kings, but that doesn't mean we can't go ahead and name our heir.**

 **Hornet AN: As for Lee, as you might have guessed he's from a JoJo SI of my own that's currently still in the planning stages.**

 **Patient AN: The same goes for the Yu-Gi-Oh! SI mentioned above. Now you have something else to look forward to when we go on our hiatus. Oh, yes, and one more thing: regarding the canonicity of this omake? Think of it like Omatsuri: a couple of lasting effects, but unlikely to be mentioned again in the story.**


	17. Stereotype

**Stereotype: a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.**

 **gamelover41592: Thanks. And yes— you should be worried about the Ace meeting. *evil grin* And here's the rest of the Drum Island arc.**

 **gerbilfriend: Thanks. I'm glad you think I did Luffy justice, and that you found the crossover funny even if it's not usually your cup of tea.**

 **Lightsbane1905: I shalt includeth more Monty whenever I find myself in a position where I am capable of doing so. Which sadly may not be often.**

 **GreenDrkness: Your question shall be answered in this chapter... And don't worry, Jones gets her own chance to enjoy the hockey and beavertails.**

 **Cricket4444: Indeed.**

 **6BlueSweaters: *bows theatrically* Thank you.**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you very much. And I'm glad you like them, because we'll definitely be seeing a lot more of them than in cannon.**

 **ISawWhatYouDid: Thank you. And yeah, that's the message I'm hoping to send.**

 **Rebel-Keiki: You're welcome. ^_^**

 **Sakura Hatsu: Then it's a good thing she won't be missing out on that opportunity, eh?**

 **Dragondancer81: Oh, no need to fear, Luffy wouldn't kill Jones with the Fist of Love. Or at least, not completely. Mostly dead is still a little alive, eh? And just because it's not an "official" part of the plotline doesn't mean the crossover won't have any effects.**

 **MadelVer: Yes, they were and are. As for your second question... Eh, I suppose it's possible. You'll have to wait and see.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you very much. I like helping the butterflies along their migration, and the village side scenes were fun.**

 **FairyGirl960: I'm glad I could make people laugh with that part. That was the intention. And you need wait no longer.**

 **Akropulis: Maybe.**

 **Guest (May 22): Thank you.**

 **WaterStar45: Heh. Thank you very much. Yeah, poor Johnny and Yosaku are in for a surprise.**

 **Azurai Wolf: *cackles* Indeed.**

 **Guest (May 24): :)**

 **Storyteller222: ^_^ I'm glad you liked it so much. I had a lot of fun working with the Senpais on that.**

 **xanothos: Thank you so much. *wipes tear from eye***

 **DelerpTurtle: Of course I recognize you. And... While that is a very nice thought and I appreciate the sentiment, that wasn't exactly what we meant the hugs to be. They were supposed to be The Patient One interacting with the story, since he didn't have an SI present.**

 **LegionnaireBlaze: Thank you. I hope I'll continue to live up to your expectations.**

 **Master Aquatosic: Thank you very much. While I probably need a hug, I don't particularly like them, so that wouldn't be a good idea. And as far as LGBTQIA... Well, it wouldn't be an accurate SI of me if Jones didn't lean both ways, so...**

 **Ft Knight: Well, here it is. I hope it lives up to your expectations.**

 **Guest (May 26): *bows***

 **Ttran2323: Thank you. ^_^**

 **The Utterly Fabulous Z: Well, since Bluejay Blaze is my beta reader, I suppose doing a crossover with One Piece, Two Piece, Red Piece, Blue Piece someday wouldn't be out of the question for me. Coordinating it might be tricky though.**

 **hufflepuffbadgersdontcare: Sorry...**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: Read on and one of your questions shall be answered. Wait two or three chapters and the other will.**

 **Toaneo07 Ver2.0: Your opinion is noted. And I'm afraid I can't relly clear up the confusion surrounding Jones' Devil Fruit— it's physics, so there's bound to be some confusion. Sorry.**

 **GingerFury: Thank you very much. *strikes Franky's pose* And while yeah, the painter's obvious, I'm willing to bet my angel isn't who you'd expect— although I suppose by saying that I may have pointed out the other candidates. Just remember, I have an island full of angels to choose from and it could be anyone I could come up with a plausible role for. As for the Mountie... There's a clue in the crossover chapter as to who that is. Blink and you'll miss it though.**

 **majishan: Thank you.**

 **Twilight0Wanderer: Thank you. To both of your first two points, that's all I can really say. As to your question about Newton's Second, there are a few reasons for that. One is that Jones was only thinking about the fact that she was hitting people with extra force, not that she'd recently absorbed the force to do so and was reusing it. Two is that Jones hasn't taken physics in six years and gets some of the terminology mixed up. And three is just that I think Newton's Second sounds cooler when shouted out loud.**

 **Squarekiddo: I'm sorry you see it that way. This is meant to be a story of healing, so of course there are some sad parts. But there are also happy parts, which I'd thought I'd been doing a decent job of working in, that get more frequent as things go along.**

 **Tactition101: In hindsight, I agree with your logic. That said, it's not something Jones would've had time to think about at the time, and since this is her POV... Well, the first chapter is called Unreliable Narrator for a reason. Thank you very much.**

 **Insanity Lord: *grins and bows* Thank you very much.**

 **DarkkingMB: Well, in that case, I'm sorry for the bait and switch. Truth is, at the time of writing I hadn't decided which way to go with the fruit, and some good friends convinced me that physics was probably the better way to take it in the end.**

 **Kakusei: Thank you very much.**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Thank you. And here it is.**

 **Oblivion: Well, surprise! It's not really a Star Wars reference. Although I will agree that it has the potential for great power.**

 **Unca Bob: I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable; it was uncomfortable to write as well. And yes, I know they can't. Jones picked the name because she loves those books, not because she expects to be popping Between any time soon. Oh my... I did not know that. I'm sorry if anyone was offended by my use of it; where I grew up, it's a common slang term for shortchanging someone, and it sounded tome like something Nami would say. I wasn't aware of the origin.**

 **darkanomoly: I'm sorry it's not your cup of tea. *shrugs* I will agree that it's complicated, although my sense of humour swings that way, so I don't find it annoying.**

 **Good stories here: Thank you. And I guess I'm sorry you find my pacing so fast, but I really don't know how to slow things down much. This is about as slow as I get.**

 **LirialRaito: Thanks.**

 **LuminaCarina: Thank you very much.**

 **Jj: I make no promises, but I'll do my best.**

 **Xander1996: Well, in that case I'm sorry, because I'm including some of the filler and making it important to my plot. Not all of it, but a fair bit; it gives me more time to develop and play with my expanded crew, and more potential butterflies to add to the migration.**

 **And two very special announcements before we begin the story proper. First, this story now has a TV Tropes page. Yay!**

 **Second, and far more important… Those of you who follow the** _ **This Bites!**_ **thread on Spacebattles will already know this, but for everyone else… The Patient One and I are now dating. There are not enough words to describe how happy this makes me, or how grateful I am that I met him. *smiles dreamily and stares off into space***

 _I ran down a long trail, pine trees towering on either side. Snow rose knee-deep between them, but the trail itself was bare. So were my feet… But I wasn't cold. Why? My cold tolerance was high, but usually I at least wore socks if I was running around outside in the winter. Glowing eyes flashed in the spaces between the trees, bright and shiny. But they weren't threatening- a soft brown instead of red or green. Like the eyes of a deer…_

… _Beep…_

 _Something blue fluttered all around me, hundreds of swirling pieces. Soft, warm… I couldn't tell what they were, but I loved them. It was like being in the center of a royal blue blizzard. One of the things stuck to my cheek; I plucked it off so I could get a good look at it. A rose petal? Blue roses- symbol of mystery and accomplishing the impossible. But more importantly at the moment… so_ soft _. I fell back into a heap of them, sinking in as if I'd jumped into a pile of leaves._

… _Beep…_

Pain. That was the first thing I noticed, long before anything else. Stabbing, piercing pain in my arm and shoulder; throbbing aches all over my legs; dull, crackling pain my ribs that turned sharp every time I tried to breathe. My back felt like I had the world's worst case of road rash. About the only things that didn't hurt were my eyes, and that was probably just because I hadn't opened them yet.

Well, pain was just my body's way of telling me I was still alive. Now, the question was, was I still in the _One Piece_ world, or had I been transported to another? Waiting to find out wouldn't make the pain go away; I opened my eyes with a groan.

…Blurry. Where were my glasses? Something purple moved near me; without my glasses, I couldn't tell if it was above, beside, or in front. My sense of balance was shot- was I lying down? Standing up? Hanging from something? And if I _was_ lying down, was I on my back or my side?

My throat felt like it was made of sandpaper, as did the inside of my mouth. I blinked blearily up at the purple thing as I opened and closed my mouth, trying to force words out past burning vocal chords. It worked, barely; my voice sounded more like a rusty hinge than anything else, but at least it was possible to understand what I was trying to say.

"Glasses? Water?"

"Huh. You're awake earlier than I expected." Female voice, old but strong, vaguely familiar. She lowered her volume quickly, but not enough that I couldn't hear- although she seemed to think she had. "How'd I misjudge the sedative? That dose should've kept her out for another day."

The purple woman moved away for a moment. When she returned, an arm at my back raised me up; she held a cup to my lips. "Here. Drink this- slowly."

It wasn't straight water- I tasted chamomile, lavender, and a little bit of poppy seed. Sedative herbs with minor healing properties. So, this woman was a herbalist or doctor of some sort, and given the purple… Still in the _One Piece_ world then. Doctor Kureha. Going slow was hard- I was _so_ thirsty- but I did as I was told. Drinking too quickly in this state would only cause me to vomit, which would just make things hurt more.

"Thanks." Talking was much easier now, the warm liquid soothing my throat. "Where are my glasses?"

"Here." Kureha set the cup on a side table with a clack, retrieving a pair of familiar wire frames and sliding them onto my face. The world snapped into focus, stone and wood and wool. It was a comforting sight, familiar but not. I knew I was in a castle, but it didn't feel like it- more like a house in a pioneer village. There was bookshelf I could see if I turned my head a little; I wondered if I would be allowed to read any of the worn volumes, had I asked. But there were more important things to worry about. Namely, there was someone very important missing from the room. Several someones, if the images playing vague havoc with my head were true. Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin… Had they brought me here? They must have.

"Where are my friends?"

"The three idiots who climbed up the mountain?" Kureha let out a huff of laughter. "They're in the next room, sleeping. Exhausted themselves, even if they refuse to admit it. Three cases of moderate frostbite- luckily nothing that needed to be amputated- and one broken foot. They'll be fine soon enough."

That was good. On to priority number two then. I tried to sit up, only for Kureha to pin me down with a hand on my uninjured shoulder. "Hold on a second, brat. What's so important?"

Well, the kingdom was going to be under attack soon. I should probably warn someone. "Need to tell my crew- Wapol's coming. We need to be prepared. Unless he's already come?" That would be bad. Had I managed to be out long enough that I'd missed the fight? Chopper's recruitment?

"Wapol's coming back, eh?" Kureha frowned. "Thanks for the warning; I'll make sure it gets to Dalton's militia, and the crew you mentioned. You just rest now. I don't know what you've been doing to yourself, but it'll be a few days at least before you're up for anything. Your ribs may be well on their way to healing, but I had to re-break your arm to set it properly, and some of those bites on your legs damaged some tendons. Nothing severed completely, thankfully- even I couldn't fix that- but you shouldn't be walking around for a while. At the rate you're going, recovery time should be about two weeks."

 _WHAT?!_ But we needed to get to Alabasta! I wasn't sure what day it was, but we'd need to leave soon- today, tomorrow, the day after at the latest- otherwise it would throw the whole timeline off and people might _die_. Two weeks- I couldn't stay trapped in the castle for that long! And I wanted to at least _see_ the fight with Wapol, since it hadn't happened yet, even if I couldn't help. If only my arm wasn't broken; maybe then I could've gotten away with asking for crutches. I opened my mouth to argue, but Kureha interrupted me with a distraction.

"I say I don't know what you've been doing to yourself, but as one of your attending physicians, I'd like to. It might help with your treatment." The doctor placed her hands on her hips and stared down at me. "So… How did you manage to get a broken arm, four broken ribs, numerous unfamiliar bite marks, piercing wounds that I can't tell if they're from daggers or giant teeth, a ruptured gallbladder, and a ridiculous number of splinters that had to be individually dug from your back?"

Okay, ow. Even just hearing about it made everything hurt more. I groaned. "Hunted by Velociraptors, then nearly bitten in half by a T-Rex. We were on Little Garden," I added when Kureha raised an eyebrow. "There were lots of dinosaurs there."

"Well, that explains the bites at least. And I take it the piercing wounds are teeth then. But that still doesn't explain the splinters. Unless you were wearing a wooden shield to keep the Tyrannosaurus teeth from running you through?"

"No."

"Impressive." Kureha's second eyebrow rose to join the first. "In that case, I'm surprised you don't have more internal injuries and broken bones. Actually, I'm surprized you're still alive, if you didn't have any defenses. You must have the luck of a devil. But that _still_ doesn't explain the splinters, which were the biggest issue surprisingly. Your back was full of pockets of infection."

No wonder it felt like my back was so much raw meat. Although I had no more idea of where the splinters had come from than Kureha did. Unless… "My staff, and… toilet seat?"

That made the doctor freeze. She stared at me in confusion, her image of unflappable, slightly condescending medical professional momentarily broken. "I can understand carrying a staff, but you think some of the splinters came from _what_?"

"Toilet seat. I carried my staff and a toilet seat across my back; they must've broken when the T-Rex bit me." Not that I'd ever really used the staff, so it probably wasn't a big loss. I could always pick up a new big stick somewhere else if I needed one. As for the toilet seat… it died a noble death.

Kureha continued to stare at me. A moment later she shook her head, palm meeting her face. "And _why_ , pray tell, were you carrying a toilet seat across your back? Don't you know how unhygienic that was?"

"I cleaned it… And Johnny and Yosaku gave it to me- I couldn't just throw it away." So tired… Even just talking like this was taking a lot out of me. But I'd already been out for several days; I'd had enough sleep recently. I didn't need any more.

"More friends of yours?" Kureha asked, regaining her composure. I nodded.

"Crew mates." Screw the broken arm, I wanted to get up and do something. Anything. Lying here like this was already driving me mad, and it would only get worse once there was fighting and such going on. I forced myself to sit up, wincing and biting my lip at the pain it caused. "Please… When Wapol comes, I want to stand with my crew. And we have to leave soon after; our friend's country is in danger. We're on a schedule."

"Well, your schedule will just have to wait. Now lie _down_." Kureha shoved me back down with one hand, sending a burst of pain through my back and ribs. Her other hand held a scalpel in front of my face- although she treated it more like a knife, in this case. "Patients leave here under one of two conditions- when they're cured, or when they're _dead_."

"Muffin," I countered. Kureha's composure shattered again, her incredulous gaze framed by strands of grey hair falling forwards.

"What?"

Compared to so many other people I'd spoken to since coming here, this was _easy_. In part because of the blade in my face; it reminded me of karate, one of the places I was most comfortable. "When I learned disarming techniques, I was always told to yell 'Don't move!' at my opponent once I had them down and had taken possession of the knife." I shrugged. "My friends and I never really got why- we figured _anything_ is intimidating if you shout it while holding a knife to someone's face. Even 'muffin' or 'fruit loops.' Care to test the theory?"

"Forget your bones, you need someone to heal your _head_." Kureha shifted the hand that was holding me down from my shoulder to my neck, checking my pulse. Deep, slow breaths; control my heartbeat and prevent an adrenaline dump. Normally, the doctor was probably one of the people in this world I should've been _most_ afraid of, but I couldn't let her know that. "I don't care how brave, stupid, or crazy you are; you're not moving from this bed until I say so."

"You'll keep me in this bed when the Leafs win the Cup!" What I did next was incredibly dumb, both from the perspective of my wounds and the perspective of my relationship with Kureha. Didn't stop me. Despite the hand holding me down, I forced myself up into a sitting position. Pain lanced through me, sending spikes up and down my spine, lightning racing across my skin, and burning spears into my core. Kureha's eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed.

"You're a surprisingly durable little thing, aren't you? Well, if threats don't work on you…" Kureha shoved me back down and pulled a coil of soft, black rope from under the bed. I froze with a squeak.

"Eh? What're you gonna do with that?"

"Make sure you stay _put_ until you've had a chance to heal." Kureha worked quickly, tying me down with practiced hands. Wrists, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees, ankles… When I attempted to bite her- a reflex triggered by my hatred of being manhandled- she even bound me across my forehead to keep my head down. None of the knots were tight enough to hurt anything, but they _were_ enough to prevent me from moving much.

Tabarnak.

"Now, you keep quiet like a good girl and rest. I have some messages to send and some frostbitten idiots to tend to." The doctor flashed a sadistic grin and waved as she left the room.

" _Mon tabarnak j'vais te décalisser la yeule, calice!_ Let me go!" I strained against the ropes, but they didn't give at all. Kureha had tied some damn good knots. I heard her laughing as I struggled.

"Heeheeheeheehee!"

A few moments of struggling were all I could stomach; the pain made me want to vomit. I relaxed beneath the ropes, panting. Maudit… I didn't even have any force to try and escape. Although that was probably a good thing, since Kureha was unlikely to take kindly to me breaking her furniture. But then how-? I glanced over at my wrists. Maybe if the ropes were around my training weights… But someone had removed my weights while I was out. On my ankles, too, I figured out after tugging a little at my legs.

It didn't look like I was going anywhere. So frustrating… I _hate_ doing nothing. But I couldn't move. Sighing, I closed my eyes. It wasn't like the others couldn't do this without me. Wapol was an easy opponent for Luffy, and the captain had probably already met Chopper, or would soon. Recruitment was inevitable by this point; I'd done my part.

By nearly getting _eaten_.

I sighed again. If I couldn't do anything for this fight, I may as well prepare for future ones. I couldn't train like this, bound to the bed and in pain, but perhaps I could do something else. Deep breaths; inhale for four, hold for three, exhale for seven, hold for three. Clear the mind. I sank into myself, my focus shifting through different parts of my body as I meditated. Coloured orbs glowed in my mind's eye.

Red at the base of my spine, the root of survival. Orange at my stomach, the seat of pleasure. Yellow at my solar plexus, the core of willpower. Green at my heart, the home of love. Blue at my throat, the source of truth. Indigo at my third eye, the window of insight. Purple at my crown, the link to the energy of the world around me. White at my hands and feet, the tools with which I interact with the world. Once the colours were established, I connected them one by one, a web of silver lines flowing through my imagination. Spread them out from the colours, creating a network of shimmering energy under my skin, with extra tiny lights of silver at each pressure point I knew. It wasn't exactly a standard meditation technique, but it was the one I preferred.

Maybe, just maybe, if I meditated enough, I could learn to control my ki better… Well enough to use Haki, maybe? I'd only just started learning about ki before leaving Earth though, so I had no idea if they'd overlap. My body began to tingle, as it always did when I sank deep enough into meditation. Heaviness seeped into my limbs and chest.

I have no idea how long I lay there. At some point, I ceased to register the feeling of the ropes that held me down, or indeed, anything other than tingling and a vague floating sensation. It couldn't have been very long though; I've never managed to meditate for more than half an hour before getting distracted. I'm pretty sure that time was no exception. Soon enough, soft sounds invaded my ears- the tapping of tiny hooves against stone. At first I tried to ignore it, but the tapping came closer and closer, making it harder and harder to concentrate. I opened my eyes, my breathing resuming a normal rhythm as I rejoined the waking world.

My first sight was of a pair of huge brown eyes staring down at me. Chopper, in full deer form- although he popped back into his tiny hybrid form with a squeak of surprise when my eyes opened. The little reindeer tried to hide behind a chair. He didn't make a very good job of it though, between his continued curious staring in my direction and the fact that his body stuck out from behind the chair leg. Shaking, Chopper's nose twitched.

"You smell funny. Like weird animals… I don't know how to describe it. Does it come from whatever attacked you?"

"How should I know?" I tried to shrug, but the ropes held me in place. "I can't smell it; my nose isn't as good as yours."

"Compliments won't make me happy, you jerk!" Chopper danced around the chair for a moment before resuming his attempt at hiding. "I mean, um… You're just hearing things! Reindeer can't talk!"

"If you say so…" I made a half-hearted attempt at sitting up, but the ropes still held firm. "I guess that means I'm hallucinating- maybe you should check me for head wounds, eh doctor?"

"Ah! I can't believe we missed something like that!" Chopper was perched on the edge of the bed in a clatter of hooves, poking and prodding at my skull as he sniffled through my hair. "I don't smell any bloo- Hey! You were lying to me!"

"I'm a pirate; we do that." I winced at a sudden jolt of pain. Hmm… Wonder what reindeer fur feels like. "Well, if I'm not injured up there, and thus _probably_ not hallucinating, can I pet you? You look really soft."

Blink. Blink. Chopper frowned and jumped back, shaking his head. "Nuh-uh, you're not fooling me again! If I untie your hand, you'll just free yourself and start running around! You can't do that- you'll make your wounds worse!"

"No I won't." Not immediately, at any rate. "I really just want to pet you."

Chopper looked torn at that. He stared at me for a long moment before shaking his head. "Nope, nope, nope! You have to stay here until you get better."

" _Please?_ " I'm well aware that I'm nowhere near cute enough to pull off the puppy dog look, but that didn't mean I didn't try. "You're so fluffy… And I miss my dragon…" Where _was_ Ruatha anyway? I would've thought he'd have followed when Luffy brought me here…

"You have a _dragon_?!" Chopper's eyes turned into stars, which reminded me of my list of things I wanted to ask him. It wasn't time for that yet, though. Not until he was on the crew.

"Yep," I said, popping the p. "His name's Ruatha- he's my baby. But I guess he stayed on the ship or something."

"Your… baby?" Chopper cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Like your son? But he's a monster and you're a human- that's not possible!"

"And why not?" Even ignoring the fact that this was Chopper I was talking to and I wanted to make a good impression, why would that ever be a problem? The dragons themselves hadn't seemed to have any issue with it- which just raised questions about how I was supposed to teach Ruatha how to be a proper dragon when I knew nothing about their biology or culture. I pushed that thought to the side.

"But, but, but…" The tiny reindeer seemed to be at loss for words. He wrung his hooves, his eyes filled with confusion and hope. But also fear- nervous of his hope being false, maybe?

Lacking any other way of expressing myself, I sighed, rolled my eyes, and turned my head as far towards Chopper as the ropes would let me. Which wasn't very far, but still. "Tony-Tony Chopper, unless you're worried that my baby eats people, you have absolutely no reason to freak out so much. And he doesn't, so you can rest easy." Then I froze. _Tabarnak_. I hadn't meant to use Chopper's name. Gods above and below, other me, what gives?

"Eek!" Chopper jumped backwards, landing next to a tray of medical tools. Tiny hooves groped around for a moment before brandishing straight dressing forceps- with serrations- as if they were a sword. "How- how do you know my name?!"

"I'm a witch- I know lots of things. And really, why else would I have a dragon? Ruatha's my familiar as much as he's my son." Sorry Chopper, but I couldn't give you a straight answer until you were on the crew. Didn't want things leaking to the wrong ears, unlikely as that may be.

"Witches don't exist! The people in the villages call Doctorine a witch, but they know she's really a doctor!"

I shrugged. "What else would you call a woman who knows the future- and the past? I'm no seer- not passive enough. Can't just lie down and let everyone else do everything themselves. Speaking of which…" The ropes were around my wrists, but my hands were free to move. Maybe if I twisted just the right way… It hurt a little, but I had high pain tolerance, and I was pretty flexible, so maybe.

"Hey!" Chopper dropped the forceps in order to bound over and slap my hand when I tried to untie myself. "Stop that! Witch or not, you need to rest!"

Well, he was quick to accept my rationalization. Then again, Chopper always was portrayed as being a little on the naïve and gullible side. Still… I had places I wanted to go, fights I wanted to see. Maybe I could keep Wapol's men from shooting Dalton, or steal the king's fluffy hippo. "Like I told Kureha, you'll keep me in this bed when the Leafs win the Cup!"

Eyes going wide, Chopper froze. Although he was still pinning my hand to the bed, so I couldn't contin- waaait… Merde, I almost forgot that I had two hands. I started stealthily working at the knot on my other wrist as the reindeer stared. It took a while- and hurt like a bitch- but I eventually managed to get it free. That gave me… not a whole lot of movement, actually. Couldn't bend my arm enough to get the knot at my elbow... But I could reach my shoulders and neck, kind of. I grew slightly worried when Chopper didn't react even as I squirmed and contorted to get the knots untied- it hurt a lot, by the way; would not recommend- and which eventually allowed me to wriggle my head and left arm free. It was probably better that I'd started with that side anyway, since my right arm appeared to be broken.

Huh. That was a first. I'd never broken anything except my tailbone before.

"Hello, Earth to Choppy!" I waved my newly freed hand in front of the reindeer's face. He still didn't seem to notice that I was moving around, although he started to move and blink again.

"You- you know about the Leafs making the playoffs? But you're from a different island- how could you know that?! Oh wait, you're a witch." Chopper chuckled sheepishly. "Of course you know about hockey- you said you know everything."

…

 _ **WHAT?!**_

 _Error 404: Brain Not Found_. This time it was my turn to freeze and stare, because… _what?!_ I knew hockey existed in the _One Piece_ world, at least as part of a filler, but how in the _Nine Bloody Hells_ did Chopper know about the Leafs? Who I was pretty sure _were not_ playoff material this season, although I admit I swapped worlds before I could see much. For several long minutes, the only response I could formulate was a strangled gurgle, my hand held suspended in front of Chopper's muzzle. Meanwhile, the tiny doctor stared wistfully off into space.

"I wish I could go to the playoffs," the little reindeer sighed. "I can hear them from the castle, you know- everyone's so _loud_. So _happy_. But they wouldn't want a monster there…" Here Chopper paused to rub his eyes with his hooves. "I sneak out sometimes to watch kids play, you know. One of the peewee teams in Robelle likes to use me as a mascot."

Chopper jumped off the bed and shifted into his full reindeer form, as if demonstrating something, although I failed to make any connections. My brain was still offline. The doctor lowered his head so I couldn't meet his eyes, as is he was embarrassed. "I- I like the teams, the way they all work together and have each other's back. They make me happy."

One part of my brain that was making a valiant attempt at playing catch-up came to the conclusion that Chopper was admitting to pulling a Quasi Modo and the Feast of Fools. Which was adorable and heart-wrenching; I always loved _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_. Unfortunately, the rest of my brain was still confused as all get-out. When Chopper raised his head again, as if expecting a response, I finally managed to squeak out one word.

"Leafs?"

The doctor nodded. "Yeah. This year's finals are between the Bighorn Leafs and the Gyasta Seas." Chopper rolled his eyes. " _Everyone_ knows they're the biggest rivals in _forever_ \- even monsters who've never gotten to see them play."

Okay, not Toronto; just a coincidence. A freaky, authorial shenanigan of a coincidence. My brain finally started working again- I swear it made a whirring noise as all the different parts caught up to each other. I went back to trying to untie myself. Not that I managed to get much further; now that neither of us was 404ing anymore, he quickly noticed that I had a limb free.

"Hey! Stop that! You need to rest!" There was a loud crunching noise as Chopper switched into his heavy point, grabbing my left arm and holding it down with the gorilla-like strength of his new form. The sudden tug wrenched my shoulder, although not quite enough to hurt.

I went momentarily limp to avoid injury. Chopper's face was only a few centimeters from mine as he glared into my eyes, obviously hoping to intimidate me. He was too cute for it to work though, even when the reindeer looked like a fluffy yeti. Keyword- _fluffy_. A sly grin grew across my face as I came up with an idea. "If you let me up, I'll take you to the playoff game."

"Really?" Chopper popped back into his usual form in surprise, landing on the bed with a bounce. For an instant, his face was full of hope and joy; his expression quickly fell into murky resignation though. "But the people… No one wants a monster to come to their party…"

I knew that feeling. Isolation. Years of being the odd one out on Earth had given me more than enough experience sitting on the sidelines at parties where no one really wanted me. But at the same time… Things were different here. Even though I still didn't join in the parties, my crewmates _wanted_ me to. I could if I wanted, and I would be welcomed with open arms. "That's not true. Even if you _are_ a monster- and I don't buy it, you're far too cute- there's someone out there who _will_ want you at their party. And all the rest of the time too. You just haven't met them yet."

"Really?" Tears glistened in Chopper's eyes; he rubbed at them with his hooves. "Do you know who they are?" Hope; but he was afraid to trust it.

The doctor's question made me pause. _Merde_. I was interfering with Chopper's recruitment. I'd already come too close to some of the things Luffy was supposed to say… Aw, to Hell with it. As long as they still fought Wapol together, Luffy would still want to recruit a transforming, talking reindeer. And I wanted to _do_ something, not just lie in bed.

"Yeah, I know them." I smiled- not one of my crazy grins, but an attempt at something softer. Not sure if it was all that visible though; I don't have the most expressive face. "I'm _one of them_. So let's go down and watch some hockey, eh?"

Chopper wavered for a moment. "What if Doctorine is angry? She won't want you up and about, and I've been too scared to tell her about going down on my own…"

Another feeling I could understand- fear of one's mother. But since Kureha- despite all usual logic- didn't scare me… I grinned like a madwoman. "Sesehihihihihi! What she doesn't know won't hurt us! And if she does find out, I'll protect you."

"You- you're not scared of Doctorine at all? You're amazing!" Chopper began to untie my remaining limbs. "How can you be so brave? I've never seen _any_ patient defy her before."

"If she wanted me to be scared of her, she shouldn't have threatened me with a knife."

A large drop of sweat rolled down the back of reindeer's neck. "But… _That's_ what usually scares people… Are you crazy?"

"Maybe?" I shrugged as best I could in my still semi-immobilized position. "No one's ever tested me for the kind of crazy you're probably talking about, but I know I suffer from mental illness of _some_ sort. But it really depends on your definition of crazy- to a martial artist, _fearing_ the knife is the irrational reaction. Fear makes you freeze, and makes it harder to analyze a fight."

Considering my words for a long moment, Chopper eventually shrugged and went back to releasing me. It didn't take him long. As soon as the ropes were gone, I sat up with a groan of pain. Only, once I did, I realized something rather embarrassing. My face heated up; I wondered how I hadn't noticed this before. Namely, that except for a cast on my right arm, a shit tonne of bandages, and my underpants, I was naked.

"IA!" I groped around for a blanket. Eventually my hand met a sheet that had been shoved over and bunched up at the edge of the bed. Yanking it up, I twisted it roughly around myself in a sort-of makeshift toga. "Where are my clothes?!"

"The things you came in were barely clothes anymore," Chopper informed me with a sniff. "Your shirt was nothing but tatters that peeled off with the wax cast around your ribs, and your pants were so crusty with blood we had to cut them off of you to check some of the injuries on your legs."

"But what about my socks? Shoes? Hat? Utility belts? Necklace? Armband? Bandanna? _Bra_?"

"Your shoes and socks are under the bed, your other accessories are on the chair in the corner, and your bra was in the same state as your shirt. Sorry…" Chopper stared at the floor. "We were more concerned with saving you than your clothes."

"Ergh…" Well, that put a damper on any ideas of exploration I might have. "How long was I out, anyway?"

"Well, I don't know about before you got here, but your friends carried you up the mountain last night. It's really impressive that you're already able to move." Wringing his hooves, Chopper slowly looked up to meet my gaze. "Would- would you like me to find you some clothes? Some of Doctorine's things will probably fit- although it'd be her summer ones…"

"By the coils of Patoll, _yes_ , I would like some clothes!" Kureha's things weren't exactly my style, but until I could get back to the _Going Merry_ , I'd take what I could get. Chopper squeaked and scampered away, his hooves clattering on the stone. I sighed as he left, running my hand through my hair. I hadn't meant to snap like that; I didn't want to frighten him. Finding myself naked though… It just scared me. A _lot_.

X

Well, _this_ wasn't what I'd expected when Chopper offered to fetch me clothes. Summer things indeed. The little doctor had brought me a tank top made of shimmering black fabric and covered in violet rhinestones, as well as a pair of matching shorts. A little sparkly for my taste, but beggars can't be choosers. No bra, but that was fine; I snatched a few extra bandages and we used them to wrap my chest. It wasn't something I'd done often in the past, but enough that I knew how. Throwing my own accessories on helped a little, but still…

"Couldn't you have found some proper _pants_?"

Chopper flinched. "Sorry… But she would've noticed if I went into her room; I got these from the attic storage."

"Don't apologize." I patted Chopper on the head. "It's fine. I might be a little cold, is all. Should be plenty warm once we're in the arena though; it's probably packed."

I couldn't move quickly; doing so caused lances of pain to shoot through my torso and arm. Getting dressed had been an interesting affair, with Chopper having to help me at some points. That was embarrassing, but at least he wasn't a _human_. Walking, as we headed out, was… painful. Whatever tendon damage I'd suffered meant I could neither fully straighten nor fully bend my knees, and the rest of my legs ached and twitched with every step. A few meters were all I could manage before my left leg gave out, sending me staggering sideways. I caught myself on the doorframe.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Chopper asked worriedly. "You really shouldn't be up yet; you don't have to do this for me."

" _Don't_ keep telling me to lie down," I ground out through grit teeth. "I'd get bored, and that's not good for anybody. And I know damn well I don't _have_ to do this for you; I _want_ to."

"Why?" Tears; Chopper was about to cry. Please gods, no- I'm not good at dealing with crying children.

"Do I need a reason? But if I do… You're smart, adorable, sweet, a good doctor. You deserve to have someone care about you." I winced as I forced myself back to my feet. My legs weren't certain they wanted to support me though. "If we _are_ going though, I wouldn't say no to a little help."

"Oh! Right; sorry." Chopper turned into his full reindeer form with a crunch like breaking bones. Trotting over, the doctor examined me for a moment. Then he nodded to himself and ducked down, shoving his head between my knees and tossing back as he stood up, throwing me back onto his shoulders. I yelped at the sudden motion.

"Hey! Don't do that- you'll hurt yourself! I'm heavier than I look!"

"Not much," he snorted. "You're still pretty light. And it's better than you trying to walk yourself."

Hooves clacking on stone, Chopper moved slowly through the hallways. My toes brushed the floor as he walked. The reindeer peered around each corner carefully before rounding it, worried about being caught. I wasn't entirely sure how I'd protect him if Kureha _did_ get angry about this, but I was sure something would come to me eventually. Hopefully it would be a moot point and we wouldn't be caught.

If I hadn't had that thought, maybe it would've even come true. As it was, just as Chopper and I were exiting the castle, we heard yelling behind us. Chopper's fur fluffed up, his eyes going wide and his ears lying flat back against his skull.

" _Where are_ _ **you**_ _going, eh?_ You get your sorry ass back to bed right now!" Kureha's harsh voice echoed off stone. I couldn't see her right away, but rapid footsteps on stone indicated that the doctor was fast approaching. I hugged Chopper's neck with my good arm, leaning forwards.

"If you don't move, we're gonna get caught," I whispered in the reindeer's ear. "What do you want to do- watch hockey, or monitor me while I repeatedly try to escape out of boredom? I'll take the blame either way."

Flicking his ears, Chopper hesitated for a moment. He looked like he was about to turn back, one hoof raised. The reindeer flinched as the angle I was leaning at caused my necklace to dangle in front of his face, the brass Jolly Roger gleaming in the light. He blinked, once, twice, three times. Then his previously teary, scared eyes shone with determination. Chopper lowered his head and pawed the ground with a snort.

"Hockey," the reindeer decided. Muscles bunched beneath me as Chopper charged out the door and through the snow. He was fast, faster than anything I'd ever ridden before- although I will admit I didn't have a lot of experience. Although… Kureha was fast too, coming after us with all the righteous rage of a doctor whose patient had decided to discharge herself. She couldn't quite catch a running reindeer, but she _could_ keep within close enough range to throw things at us.

Convincing Chopper to come with me had been easier than I expected, I mused as scalpels, needles, and forceps rained down around us. The lure of hockey must be strong. Or maybe I'd said enough that I'd hit a nerve or something, given him confidence. Hell, it could even have been just the sight of my necklace; didn't Hiriluk tell him stories about pirates? Regardless of the reason, I was glad. Chopper deserved a day out, and I wouldn't be bored this way.

Kureha continued to throw things at us as Chopper leapt onto one of the ropeways and cantered down the steep slope; snowballs and rocks joined the surgical equipment. When she didn't hesitate in her pursuit despite our more fragile footing, a chill settled in my stomach. The doctor was actually _angry_ , not just playing as a 'tough love' method of getting Chopper to open up. Otherwise she would've stopped so as not to damage the ropes. I held tighter to the reindeer's neck as he picked up speed even more.

The ropeway bounced beneath Chopper's feet as he bounded along. I got a little nauseous from the motion, so different than that of the sea. His steps were certain, though, experienced; he'd done this enough that he didn't hesitate at all. It was an impressive display of balance and dexterity for an animal without proper toes. Especially since the rope, while thick as ropes go, was far narrower than any bridge I'd ever seen.

Ten minutes. That's how long it took to race down the rope with Kureha behind us. She eventually slowed as we got closer to the bottom, the noise of a nearby crowd throwing her off. Or perhaps it was the fact that Chopper was charging _towards_ the noise, even though she knew him as shy and distrusting of people. Either way, as soon as the reindeer's hooves touched solid ground, the rain of projectiles stopped. Not that Chopper stopped running because of that. No, he continued to canter towards the sounds of a crowd, racing along a snow-covered road until we came to a rocky outcrop. There he stopped. From the sound of things, the crowd was right around the corner.

"Which- which form?" the reindeer asked me, his voice small. Worried. Before I could answer, he bowed his head. "Maybe… Maybe this wasn't a good idea. We should go back to the castle…"

I knew what he was feeling, at least part of it; I had similar misgivings. The thought of the mass of people I could hear so close terrified me, sending shivers up my spine that had nothing to do with the cold I was just starting to comprehend. So many people packed so close together, shouting, staring, _touching_ … I'd never been to a playoff game before- was it different than going to a normal hockey game? Was there something special we were or weren't supposed to do? I had no idea. A large part of me wanted to agree with Chopper, to turn around and go back. But…

Removing my hand from Chopper's neck, I clutched at my necklace, gripping so hard I could feel the Jolly Roger digging into my palm. I was supposed to be a Straw Hat Pirate. Talking to people had already been getting easier; it was time for me to try and face this fear of crowds. Besides, it wasn't like I was alone. Chopper and I may not have known each other long enough for him to count as a friend- although we were starting _very_ well off in that direction- but I knew he was a good person. And he was _fluffy_. Having animals around always helped me feel better.

"We can if you want," I said slowly, forcing my voice to remain steady. "I won't make you do anything that makes you too uncomfortable; trust me, I know what that feels like. But we've come so _close_. If you think you can handle it, you should change into your human form and we can go in. I'll be right here; you're not alone." Maybe if we supported each other, we could _both_ face our fears.

Shooting me a nervous glance, Chopper transformed with a popping crunch. This left me perched on his shoulders like a child. The doctor sighed and looked up at me. "It won't work. Some of the townspeople have seen me like this before; they'll recognize me as the mountain monster."

"Easy enough." I waved a hand, as if this were no big deal. Which it wasn't, in theory; practice would be a little more challenging. "We'll get you a disguise. A decent shirt and something that hides your face should do it, if you want."

I gave Chopper a minute to think about it, not wanting to push him too hard. If he wasn't ready for this… Hell, I wasn't sure _I_ was ready for this. But I wanted… I was sick of being afraid, but I couldn't do it alone. Selfish of me to drag Chopper into it, I know, and I felt bad about that- but at the same time, it would be good for him too if we could manage it. And, well, I've never claimed to be a selfless person.

"Where would we get stuff?" the reindeer asked eventually. I grinned.

"Why, the same place cartoon protagonists always get their last-minute disguises, of course! Snatching things from clothes lines!" I shivered, the cold finally starting to catch up with me in my borrowed shorts and tank top. "And if we see something in my size, I wouldn't say no to some pants and something with long sleeves."

"Isn't that stealing though?" Cue adorable, reproachful reindeer stare.

Guilt stabbed me in the stomach. Maudit… Way to reassert my sense of honour at an inconvenient time. I'd done worse things since coming to this world- gassing a platoon of marines comes to mind- so why was it that a common cartoon shenanigan gave me pause? Opening my hand, I glanced down at the Jolly Roger on my necklace. I was supposed to be a _pirate_. That meant living by no rules other than my own and the few that my captain gave me. But… what rules did I _want_ to live by? The laws of a country I no longer lived in, and might never see again? The rules of pragmatism, where anything goes as long as it has a purpose? The code of bushido that had been ingrained into my heart from the moment I first tied an obi? None of them quite seemed to fit…

"Yeah, I guess it is. But it's not like we'd keep them forever; we'd give them back." Chopper was a member of the Straw Hat Crew; that meant that anything I could do for him was more important than anything else in this world. And right now, I wanted to take him to a hockey game. I'd worry about anything else later. "Besides… If that's the case, wasn't it technically stealing for me to borrow some of Kureha's clothes?"

Chopper went pale for a moment, mouth moving like a fish as he nodded mutely. He looked confused, torn; I said nothing, not wanting to sway his decision. Eventually, the reindeer doctor glanced up at me again, biting his lip. "You're _sure_ we'll be able to return things? And we won't take them from anyone who would be inconvenienced in the meantime?"

"Swear it on the fires of Criwe," I promised, raising my good hand. "God of fire, law, and mischief binding enough for you?"

My companion actually chuckled, despite his misgivings. "Weird combination. No wonder you're nuts, if you follow gods like that. But if law and mischief can go together…" Reassured, a twinkle came into Chopper's eyes. "Where do we start?"

"A big building on the edge or just outside of town would probably be our best bet. Less likely to be seen that way." I stretched my neck to peer over the rock, trying to spot anything that could help. All I saw was a bunch of little rooves with cold chimneys, plus the silhouette of a ring of stands in the distance. There were a couple of buildings near the stands- changerooms? "Maybe one of the ones over by the rink. No one'll be there until the game's about to start, and the players probably have spare clothes kicking around."

We skirted the town through the edges of a pine forest. Even hidden among the trees, though, I couldn't escape the sudden, overwhelming sensation of being _home_. Actually, the pine trees and the snow beneath them probably only made it stronger. I could smell maple and chocolate on the breeze, with undertones of coffee and apple cider. Strains of fiddle music rose out from the party I caught glimpses of in the town square, and while I didn't recognize any of the songs exactly, they had a familiar east coast, old country feel. Like hearing a new Stompin Tom song for the first time. I half-expected someone to burst out singing _The Hockey Song_ , given why Chopper and I were there. Hell, if I'd been a better singer, I would've done it myself.

There were no clothes lines near the rink and changerooms, but some idiot had left the door to one of them unlocked while everyone was out partying. Chopper slunk in with me on his shoulders. We both clapped our hands over our noses almost immediately. Ah yes, the dirty corn chip and wet sock smell of a room that had seen generations of use by sweaty hockey players. That was one thing I had _not_ missed about skating. Ever.

Smell aside, the room looked like a tornado of blue and white had vomited all over it. Jerseys with the name Bighorn and a maple leaf larger than any I'd seen outside of a Canada Day parade were strewn everywhere, some draped over heaps of skates and other equipment. I frowned. Okay, chalk up one difference from home- the one time I'd seen a changeroom while it was in use by hockey players on Earth, it had been slightly neater than this. At least enough that you could tell who was supposed to be sitting where.

On the plus side, we found two jerseys in a size that would fit Chopper's human form that shared the same number. We absconded with the one that smelled _slightly_ less offensive, as well as a helmet I spotted gathering dust in one corner. Sadly, because hockey players are generally large men and I am not, there was nothing in a size even remotely close to mine. No sleeves for me… Ah well, it could be worse. At least with Chopper disguised, we could blend into the town without _too_ much trouble. So we backtracked and did just that.

It was… hard. Just as hard as I'd expected, even though the two of us were together. There were so many people, so loud, so close together… Luckily, even disguised, no one pressed too close to Chopper. Probably because he was large and vaguely threatening with the hockey helmet hiding his adorable face. But at least that meant that I was safely out of arms' reach perched up on his shoulders, even if a lot of people were giving me weird looks. I hid my face and tried to ignore them. Beneath me, Chopper drank in the sights with silent awe.

A prod on one of my calves drew my attention. I peered out from behind my fingers to see Chopper pointing at a food stall. "Jones… What's that?"

What was-? Okay, I had a question first. "Wait- you know my name?"

"Of course I do. Your friends told us when you were admitted for care."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." I looked at the stall Chopper was pointing at. "That's poutine. I don't particularly like it, but we can get some if you want to try it. I have a little money."

The reindeer shook his head. "No. If we're gonna spend your money, it should be on something you'd enjoy too."

That just made me feel even more guilty for using Chopper's trusting nature to ease my own fears and boredom. The reindeer was just so sweet- how could I do something like this? But he seemed to be enjoying it, and it would make him stronger in the long run… I hoped. Maybe I was just justifying things to myself that way to avoid seeing myself as a bad person. I don't know.

"How about beavertails then? They're sticky and sweet- I bet you'll like them."

"Okay! Sounds great!"

Using my superior vantage point, I was able to find and direct Chopper to a stand selling the sweet, sweet pastries. The salesman was a bit of a creep, his eyes lingering a little too long on my legs despite their heavily bandaged state, but a glare and a low growl quickly sent him back about his business. A few moments later and a few beri lighter, Chopper and I were wandering away, each munching on a chocolatey, delicious treat. I wasn't about to ask how the reindeer managed to eat his without taking his helmet off; I wasn't sure if it was something I wanted to know.

From atop the doctor's shoulders, I eventually spotted Usopp, Vivi, Lisa, and Ruatha through the crowd. My mouth was too full to call out, so I waved to get their attention. Soon enough, the four of them surrounded us, making Chopper a little skittish. He shrieked when Ruatha, in his baby dragon delight, launched himself up to where I was sitting and began licking my face, crooning all the while.

"Monah!"

"Yes, yes, I missed you too." I scratched behind Ruatha's ears as I smiled down at my crew mates. "Hey guys. What're you doing here?"

"We came last night to ascertain that the doctor was headed back to her castle rather than doing a round of the towns," Vivi informed me. "But I see you've already been treated." The princess' face softened. "Jones… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of those things about you. You truly do mean well, even if you're unorthodox about showing it, and I let my fear for my country cloud my judgement. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Would I have jumped in front of a T-Rex for someone I couldn't forgive?" I asked, rubbing at the edge of the cast on my broken arm. Which was a bad idea, as it sent a burst of pain through the limb. "Just because I was hurt didn't mean I didn't know where you were coming from. And besides, I'm used to it. Back home, people called me things like that- not all the time, but often enough."

"That doesn't make it any better. My behaviour was inexcusable." Vivi sighed. "And I suppose I should warn you- Captain Luffy did _not_ look pleased when I informed him of what you likely believed to be your last words."

 _Tabarnak_. Okay, coming down here had been an _excellent_ idea. I wasn't sure what, exactly, a displeased Luffy meant for my future, but I didn't want to find out. Although I was sure I would eventually, but I'd put it off for as long as possible.

A cough from Lisa brought me out of my thoughts. "Jones… Who's this?" The little girl gestured at Chopper.

"H-hi," the doctor stammered. "I'm T-Tony-Tony Chopper."

"He's one of the doctors who treated me." I patted the reindeer on the shoulder to let him know he was doing fine. As for me… Having a couple friends near was doing wonders for my confidence. "And, spoiler alert, someday he's gonna be one of the best doctors in the world."

Vivi and Lisa didn't get what I meant by spoiler alert, but I was pretty sure Usopp did. The gunner's eyes went wide at my words, his gaze flicking to my necklace. I nodded. A broad grin grew over his face. Usopp reached out to shake Chopper's hand as the reindeer proceeded with his "compliments won't make me happy" dance.

"Hi Chopper! I'm Usopp, master gunner of the Straw Hat Pirates! Thanks for fixing Jones up; she always manages to get the weirdest injuries."

The contact left Chopper shell-shocked. He didn't respond, his shoulders going stiff with tension underneath me. This turned into a silent stalemate that lasted several long moments. Eventually, I broke it by nudging the reindeer in the side of the neck. "Earth to Choppy… People are starting to move. We should head for the rink soon if we wanna get good seats." Although… I didn't know if we needed tickets or not here. Ah, we'd solve that when we got there.

"Oh. Right." Chopper broke out of his daze and began slowly meandering in that general direction. My crew mates followed us.

"GYAAAAAAH! Osti de tabarnak de calice, that _burns_!"

We were about halfway to the rink when we heard a cry go up as a stall went down. This one appeared to have been acting as some sort of first-aid station, judging by the array of bandages, needles, and herbs scattered as it collapsed. Bleeding on top of the wreckage was a rather large, muscular man with an amiable face and two missing teeth. He was gripping his leg with a pained wince, staring at some wound that was just out of my sight.

A bucking horse nearby, its owner desperately trying to calm it, told me what must've happened. Something had spooked the beast; it had knocked the man flying into the first-aid stall, which clearly wasn't all that sturdy. But what could spook a horse around here? A Drum Kingdom winter had no place for snakes. Then I realized that the horse's rolling eyes were focused, more or less, on Ruatha. My little dragon hissed back at the desperately neighing creature.

Oops.

Chopper yelped at the sight. "Ah! Someone help- that man needs a doctor!"

People were already gathering around the area to see what was going on and maybe help, if they had the skills. Still… I poked Chopper in the side of the neck. "You're the only doctor around right now… All the others except Kureha ran off with Wapol."

"Oh- right…" Chopper winced at my words. Shouldering his way through the growing crowd, Chopper knelt beside the wounded man and began examining him. I spotted the injury quickly- something lodged high in the back of his leg, blood pooling out around it. The man was gritting his teeth in pain, humming what sounded like curse words. Chopper hissed at the sight.

"I'm going to have to remove that so I can take a better look." When no one said anything, Chopper went right ahead with that. This earned a loud yell from his patient; the reindeer winced in sympathy. "Sorry…"

"Ah! I didn't know you were a doctor, Alan…" the man gasped. Chopper passed me the object that had been lodged in his leg- a small, curved scalpel with a nick in the blade.

"Er- I- Um…" Chopper didn't end up correcting the patient's mistake regarding his identity, focusing on examining the wound. He sniffed a lot as he did so; I couldn't tell if it was a nervous thing, or if the smell could tell him something about the injury he was diagnosing. If it was the latter, I was impressed with the reindeer's nose.

"That scalpel damaged your sciatic nerve," Chopper eventually informed the man. "Not enough to cause permanent difficulties, but you probably won't be able to walk properly for a couple weeks." Carefully bandaging the wound, Chopper sighed. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid there's not much I can do. You'll just have to wait and let it heal on its own."

The man shot him a horrified look. "But Alan… I've gotta _play_. We're already late as it is." He winced and tried to stand; Chopper held him down.

"No! If you try to play, you could damage your nerve even worse."

About to protest, the man- apparently a hockey player- was interrupted by the arrival of a rough, harried man in a dark blue coat. He groaned and ground his knuckles into his forehead. "Dammit Larry… I told ya to be careful. You almost got through the entire season without an accident too."

"Sorry coach…" The wounded player looked properly chastised. "I can still play though."

"No, no, I won't have you hurting yourself even more." The coach turned to look at Chopper, reaching out to grab the reindeer by the arm. "Come on Alan, you're up. Ditch the skate-bunny and let's get moving."

"But I'm not-!"

"I know, I know, you're not usually first line. But with Larry down, we need you on defense." The coach wasn't taking no for an answer, not even giving Chopper a chance to explain. Hauling Chopper to his feet, the coach actually pulled me down off the doctor's shoulders and shoved me- gently, but still shoved- into Usopp. _Oww…_ It was only thanks to the gunner's support that I didn't fall over. Chopper squeaked in protest, but was too stunned to do anything other than let himself be dragged away.

Vivi stared. "Jones, what's going on here?"

"Hockey," I shrugged. I didn't really know how to explain. Drum Kingdom… I'd known it was canonically supposed to be the _One Piece_ equivalent of Canada, but I hadn't been expecting _this_. Not that I hadn't enjoyed that beavertail… Still, we should probably try to rescue Chopper. Nothing I'd seen in the anime or manga indicated that the reindeer could skate well enough to be a defenseman. I forced my aching legs to carry me towards the rink. "Come on- we better rescue Chopper before something happens."

A twinge of pain and a sudden jerk in my left leg sent me tumbling to the ground. Lisa squeaked and helped me back to my feet, draping my good arm over her shoulder so she could hold me up. The little girl looked up at me, worried. "Jones…"

I was surprised that the little girl was so affectionate with me, and had I been at full health, I probably would have flinched and pulled away from the contact. As it was, that wasn't an option, which made me take a second to actually think about the situation. Lisa's voice was shaky; she was scared. Of what, I couldn't tell. I've never been much good at comforting people; all I could do was awkwardly ruffle her hair and press on.

"Come on guys. Let's get to the rink and see if we can help Chopper."

"So that big guy's gonna be our doctor?" Usopp asked quietly as we made our way slowly towards the skating rink. Vivi and Lisa looked askance at him; the gunner ignored them in favour of staring at me. I nodded and nuzzled Ruatha. My baby chirped and crooned, nosing through my hair and examining every inch of me he could reach.

"Yeah. Well, I mean, Luffy has to meet him and approve first, but…" I shrugged. "We need a doctor, Chopper needs help with his dream of curing all diseases, and do you think Luffy would _really_ reject a crew member who's a talking, transforming reindeer?"

"That guy can turn into a _reindeer_?" Usopp gasped. I shook my head.

"No, Chopper's a _reindeer_ that can turn into a _guy_."

"Wha-? _How_?"

"Devil Fruit."

Usopp opened his mouth, closed it, and shrugged. For a few minutes, our group walked in silence. It was taking longer than it should have to get to the rink- likely because of my injuries. As we got close to the stands, I caught a glimpse of the coach who'd taken Chopper, although I saw no sign of the doctor. Ruatha snarled at the sight of the man; Lisa scowled.

"He shouldn't have pushed you and called you a skate-bunny."

"Eh?" I didn't understand. Sure, while I'd never heard the term before, it was easy enough to guess what it meant, and it was mildly insulting. What I didn't get was the level of indignation _Lisa_ was expressing. She seemed to be getting strangely attached to me. The little girl didn't respond to me, instead pulling out her paints. I frowned.

"Hey, hey, hey. What're you planning?"

Lisa looked up at me in confusion. "That man hurt you, when you're just starting to get better. Shouldn't he pay? Just a little?"

"That depends on your definition of pay." If _I_ wasn't that upset about what had happened, why should she be? It's not like the coach had hurt her, or even had any real hostile intent; he was just in a hurry. And quite frankly, compared to the other injuries I was sporting, the little bit of pain from being shoved off Chopper was already faded and gone.

"Just a little distraction," Lisa said with a pout. "Not gonna hurt him or anything. And he won't even know it's me, I swear."

Well, that didn't sound too bad. And as much as I didn't understand her attachment to me, it was cute, and loyalty was a virtue to be encouraged. I flinched at that thought, although my companions probably thought it was a twinge of pain. Merde, for a moment I sounded like a Sith lord or something. Way to go, other me, let's just make ourselves sound like a monster in front of our readers. "As long as you don't hurt anyone, I suppose it's alright."

A sunny grin crossed Lisa's face. She began mixing colours, quickly producing the brightest, most obnoxious paint I'd ever seen. When we passed the coach on our way to the rink gate, Lisa splashed him and whispered under her breath.

"Hallucination Hot Pink."

The man twitched as the paint hit him. Freezing, he glanced around as if looking for someone. Finding nothing, he started walking again, only to pause and glance over his shoulder. He shook his head. We lost sight of him soon after; the last glimpse I saw of the Leafs' coach was him walking around a corner, muttering to himself about this being the first time he'd seen hiking bears attending a hockey game. After that, I lost track of him, as we had arrived at the gate to the rink- and the ticket master _didn't_ look pleased.

"You're late." A massive mountain of a man folded his arms, eyebrows like snakes weaving together over his black eyes. "Tickets please."

Maudit. Did we _have_ to do this, really? We didn't have tickets; we just needed to get Chopper out before he had to skate. I considered leading Usopp, Vivi, and Lisa around back to the dressing rooms, but a quick glance over the ticket master's shoulder showed that everyone was already _in_ the arena, with Chopper looking so nervous and unsteady I could've spotted it from Mars. And no, I wasn't going to question where he'd found skates, since I had no idea if there'd been any with the jersey we 'borrowed' for him.

Usopp squawked indignantly and stammered, trying to come up with something to say. Vivi was far more eloquent. "Excuse me, but we need to get in there. We're friends with one of the players."

"I'm afraid I can't let you in without tickets." The ticket master's scowl never wavered.

"Please!" Was the princess actually trying the puppy dog face? She _was_ \- and Lisa and Ruatha were helping her.

"No."

Oh, this was one point where I wished my fruit had been for the _Star Wars_ Force- the Jedi Mind Trick would've been a useful thing here. Too bad there was no way to do that with the forces I had partial access to. Well, when all you have is a hammer… I removed my arm from around Lisa's shoulders to surreptitiously punch myself in the leg a few times, building up a charge of force. Not that I knew what I would _do_ with a charge of force, but still…

Of course, removing myself from support combined with punching myself in the already-twitchy leg was a poor decision. I collapsed; Usopp made a distressed noise and hauled me to my feet. "Jones, what're you _doing_?"

I winced and made a face. "As soon as I know, I'll tell you."

Meanwhile, Lisa's puppy dog expression had morphed into a small frown. The little girl flicked out her paintbrush and slapped the ticket master on the nose, leaving a splotch of bright colour. "Hallucination Hot Pink."

"Huh?" The ticket master twitched and glanced at something off to the side, but quickly focused on us again. "Look kids, I'm sorry, but if your friend wanted you to come to his game, he shoulda gotten you tickets. Go back and wait at the fair grounds, get yourselves something to eat… If you go to the bar, you can watch the game on the snail screen; if you keep quiet and don't try to trick him into giving you alcohol, Heron probably won't kick you out."

Actually, I wouldn't have gotte- not important, plus I didn't have ID with me anyways. Lisa's frown deepened. Putting her paintbrush away, she threw her whole palette into the ticket master's face, splattering more brilliant, eye-burning paint all over the man. "Hallucination Hot Pink!"

A glazed look came over the man's face for a moment. Then his head suddenly snapped around. "Unicorn weasel? I didn't know we had unicorn weasels on Drum Island!" Forgetting all about us- and indeed, the gate, and the rink in general- the ticket master took off into the snow. Shortly before disappearing from sight, he tore his shirt off and flung it over his shoulder, still shouting about unicorn weasels.

Usopp stared at Lisa in shock. "Your mind control paints are _terrifying_."

That earned him a flat stare and a shrug. "Yeah. So? I'm _twelve_ and I'm _tiny_ \- what'd you expect me to do? Walk up to some guy Zoro's size and punch him in the face? Excuse me while I get my ladder."

The gunner had nothing to say to that, although he opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he were trying. Lisa stuck her tongue out at him and tucked her palette away. I saw her shudder though, and she pressed close against my left side as we made our way in. Something about what Usopp had said was bothering her. I'd get to the bottom of it- later. Right now, we had a case of mistaken identity to sort out.

Unfortunately, the delay at the gate meant that by the time we got in, the game was starting. Chopper followed the actual hockey players onto the rink with stuttering, choppy- pardon the pun- steps. It was like watching a five-year-old- the reindeer had just enough balance to keep from falling on his face, but zero knowledge of how skating actually worked. I swear, half the time he was propping himself up with his hockey stick. His warmup made me cringe. _Tabarnak_. At this point, there was nothing I could do to help though. Everything was already in motion.

For a few minutes after the players were in position, nothing happened. Vivi looked askance at me, wondering why I had leaned on the boards and frozen as soon as I realized Chopper was already on the ice. "Jones… I thought you said we had to get that Chopper fellow out of here."

"Too late now; game's about to start." Too bad all the seats were already taken; with no glass or net, standing in the aisle and leaning on the boards was a dangerous proposition. There was a good chance of me being hit by a puck, or by players who happened to check each other nearby. Did I care? Not particularly.

"What?!" I could see Vivi desperately trying to contain her confused fury. Unfortunately, I didn't know quite how to explain this to the desert princess. Only…

"Sorry Vivi, hockey is sacred here. Once the players are on the ice, the game can't be stopped. Trying would cause a riot."

Vivi just stared, flabbergasted. "Wait… You- you _understand_ all this?" She waved her hand at- well, at our entire surroundings. "Usopp and I tried making sense of it last night when they gave a recap of recent games, but none of it added up!"

"Of course I understand it, at least a little. It's just like home." I smiled softly. The cold soon ceased to matter. Bonus of growing up a figure skater- you develop high cold tolerance and the ability to spend _forever_ running around a rink in outfits that are _not_ particularly good cover.

The linesmen and the ref appeared at the same moment two men walked into a box at the top of the stands. One announcer wore a sensible black coat and toque, but the other… _neon purple and gold_ plaid. And it was a _suit_ too, not even a jacket. A triple-breasted suit. I couldn't help myself; I started laughing my ass off.

 _ **"SESEHIHIHIHIHI!"**_ Oh, this was just too perfect. I _loved_ it.

"Welcome everyone!" _That voice_. I had no idea what this announcer's name was, but it was clear who other me intended him to be based off of, even if he was playing a slightly different role than I was used to. "Welcome to the Bighorn Cup Playoffs! I'm your host, Grape Draper, here with my partner Hodge Ron- but ya probably knew that already!"

A great cheer went up from around the rink. For a moment, I wondered why a stab of pain ran through my ribs, why my throat was starting to burn; then I realized I was cheering too. Usopp, Vivi, and Lisa all looked at me in confused shock. On my head, Ruatha warbled and flared his wings.

Draper continued over the thunderous applause. "Yeah! Yeah! We're gonna have a really great game today, you know it! In just a few minutes we'll be seeing one of the greatest shows of the season- the Bighorn Leafs versus the Gyasta Seas! Always an excellent match up! Now, I'm a Leafs man myself; far as I'm concerned, them Seas can go f-!" Whatever else he had to say was cut off by some perfectly timed music from a brass band at the other end of the rink.

 _CRASH! BUM BA-DUH, BA-DUH; BUM BA-DA-DA-DAH! BUM BA-DUH, BA-DUH BWAAAAAAAAH! DA-DA-DA-DA DUM DA-DAAAH! DA-DA-DA-DA DUM-DUM DA-DAAAH! BUM-BA-DUM DUM DI-DAY-DI-DAH! DUM DI-DAY-DI-DAH! DUM DI-DAY-DI-DAH!_ _ **BWAAH!**_

Maudit… It wasn't quite the same, but it was _close_. I started laughing again, unable to hold back, especially not once Ron shot Draper an exasperated look. "We're supposed to be _impartial_ , remember?"

Draper waved a hand, not concerned at all. "Ah, I just call it like I see it. Leafs are awesome, Seas are a bunch of wusses- let's just play already! Go Leafs go!"

The players took their positions to await the faceoff. I winced at Chopper's hacking, stumbling steps. I couldn't even call that skating; something in me died a little. That's it, once he was on the crew proper, I would find a way to give the reindeer skating lessons. This was just _painful_ to watch. Maybe I could do it while figuring out how to use my powers to affect friction, kill two birds with one stone.

A whistle blew; the puck dropped with an audible clack. The two centers clashed immediately, with the one in red getting the puck and racing off around his blue-and-white counterpart. His right wing came along fairly close afterwards, with the left wing hanging back a little. I had no idea whether that was some sort of formation they'd drilled, or just a result of varied skating speeds. My apologies to any hockey fans in the crowd; while I watched hockey on a semi-regular basis, I never did learn much about the strategies or rules, since I never played myself.

And poor Chopper… The reindeer froze as the forwards came towards him, quaking in his skates. His fellow defenceman moved swiftly, checking the red center and sending the puck up to the white left wing. But poor Chopper, kept in place by a combination of fear and his poor skating ability, got run over by the red right wing. Both went crashing to the ice, the man looking just as shocked as the reindeer- from what little I could see of their faces, at least.

Someone in the stands groaned. "Aw man… I know Alan's not the best skater, but this is _ridiculous_."

The announcers were apparently thinking along the same lines. Draper actually groaned, rubbing his temples before gesturing wildly. "What? WHAT?! Alan, what're you doing? Get up and fucking skate, dammit!"

"Language," Ron chided half-heartedly.

Red quickly reclaimed the puck and came streaming back up the rink. They ignored Chopper and deked around the other defenceman, slapping the puck towards the net. The white goalie wasn't even close; the puck cleared his gloved hand by several centimeters, flying into the net. A great brass horn sounded in celebration. Beneath the announcers' box, a young boy put a number one up on the red side of a large scoreboard.

"What exactly is the point of this game?" Vivi asked. I stared; she shrugged and offered a sheepish smile. "Like I said, we didn't understand the recap last night, and they didn't exactly offer much in the way of beginners' explanations."

"Big men put puck in net." I spoke very slowly, pointing at the objects I referred to as I said them. Mostly this was out of disbelief; it had never _occurred_ to me that I would ever meet someone who didn't know what hockey was.

Vivi blinked at me. "That's all? Isn't that kind of… dumb?" Although at least she had the sense to keep her voice quiet enough that no one else could hear.

I shrugged. "Aren't all sports? Let me guess- you play cricket or soccer or something back home in Alabasta."

"What's soccer?"

"Um… Football? With a black and white checkered ball?"

"Oh." Vivi's eyes lit up and her face flushed red. "Okay, yes, I see your point."

By the time I looked back at the ice, there was a scuffle down at the red end. The white center and one of the red defencemen were fighting; the ref was trying to break them up with the help of a couple of their teammates. Down at the white end, Chopper was watching in fascination. The reindeer practically vibrated in place, which nearly sent him crashing down several times. Well, at least he was having fun.

The red defenceman was given a penalty, to the sound of great booing and cursing from red fans. Up in the announcers' box, Draper was waving his arms around and screaming something- or trying to. Ron had a hand covering his mouth.

Even with a white power play, the red team quickly went on the offensive again. My heart sped up as the red forwards approached Chopper again. _Come on… I know you can't skate, but try, at least! Do something! Anything!_ I pounded on the boards and roared, ignoring the burning it caused in my ribs. "Come on Chopper! You can do it!"

And… he did. Chopper actually moved this time. It was still one of the clumsiest things I'd ever seen on ice, and he ended up stumbling past the guy with the puck as if he were drunk, but the reindeer _moved_. Nest step- get him to do so without flailing wildly with his stick for balance. Luckily the ref didn't see him, and no one was close enough to get hit.

Another red goal. Even though I knew nothing about these teams or the towns they came from, I automatically started booing. My crew mate was on the white team, dammit! That was enough reason for me to support them! Admittedly, he wasn't supposed to be, but it was too late to worry about that now. Well, unless you were Usopp, who was shooting me strange looks as I pounded on the boards. He didn't say anything though.

It seemed like almost no time at all before the red penalty was over, although in truth it was five long, heart-pounding minutes, during which the red team scored a third goal. I groaned in despair. While Chopper was no longer frozen in shock, his awkward stumbling was making no difference whatsoever. His fellow defenceman was exhausted from trying to be everywhere at once, and the red forwards were simply too _fast_ for their white counterparts.

Two of them in particular were _very_ good- not jumping or doing any tricks, but they were faster than anyone else, and the only ones on the rink who ever seemed to skate backwards. I actually couldn't remember ever seeing hockey players spend much time skating backwards, before, so I was pretty sure this wasn't standard, but it seemed to be effective for them. Certainly confused and outmaneuvered the white team at any rate. Yes, these two were pretty good… Which, of course, made me angry, since they were on the opposing team.

"COME ON LEAFS! FLATTEN THESE RED SEAS!" The amount of force I was building up from my enthusiastic pounding on the boards was starting to make me sick. Or maybe that was the constant pains shooting through my ribs that I was forcing myself to ignore.

Finally, _finally_ , the white goalie made a save. This was followed by a surprising white offensive as a stumble from Chopper sent the red left wing crashing into the boards, breaking whatever formation they were trying to use. The white forwards took possession of the puck and broke away, the two good skaters from the red team hot on their tails.

Blades scraped rapidly across the ice. By the time the red players caught up though, the puck was sailing through the air. A red glove snapped up to catch it, but not quite fast enough… _**BWAAAAAAAAAA!**_

And it was just in time for the end of the period. Players of both teams clapped each other on the back as they made their way off the ice, although one of them seemed to be giving Chopper a talking to. The reindeer flinched at words I couldn't hear, but then his back straightened. Again, I couldn't hear what was being said, but Chopper definitely responded. And from the way the person talking to him stepped back, it was pretty forceful.

"Is this a good time to get that Chopper guy out?" Usopp wanted to know. The knowledge that there was actual important stuff to do warred with my desire to see the rest of the game… Could we really just pull Chopper out like that, at this point? What if the team actually needed him? But Wapol… I didn't know when he would arrive. I opened my mouth to try and respond- not that I knew what I was going to say- but then…

Clack. _Rumble_. A door at one end of the rink opened to let in the Zamboni. Or at least, the _One Piece_ equivalent. It wasn't motorized like I was used to- Drum Kingdom wasn't one of the islands at that level of technology. Instead, it was pulled by one of those white, fluffy hippos like Wapol rode. White walkies, that's what they were called. The large mammal plodded around the rink, a rider on the wagon behind it operating a hand pump.

That was _so_ _ **cool!**_ My mind froze as I watched the Zamboni go around and around and around… It was no slower than an actual Zamboni, which shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. And with the fluffiness… I wanted to pet it. _So_ much. It looked so soft…

"We're not getting that Chopper fellow _or_ Jones out of here any time soon, are we?" Usopp asked in despair. The gunner rubbed at his temples.

Vivi sighed and shook her head. "It certainly looks that way." The princess ground her knuckles into her forehead. "If Jones is well enough to travel, we should be on our way; it takes long enough to get to Alabasta as it is."

"But I don't think she _is_ well enough to travel." Usopp poked me in the shoulder gently, which was almost enough to send me crashing to the ground. It would have been, had I not been leaning most of my weight on the boards. "Right Lisa?"

The little girl wasn't paying attention, instead standing on tiptoes and peering over the boards. One little fist swung back and forth as a red player went crashing to the ice and the ref blew a whistle. "What're you talking about?! Falco didn't trip Konrad- you're delusional!"

One of the linesmen spared a few brief seconds to shoot Lisa a glare. She responded by flipping him off, the most adorable little 'fuck you' I'd ever seen. That only made him glare harder. Up in the announcers' box, Draper laughed.

"Oh, I like those girls down in the aisle Ron! Can we focus the den-den on them for a minute?" He grabbed a small, electric blue visual den-den and aimed it at me and Lisa for a moment. The snail blinked slowly until it was put down.

"How'd you know the players names?" Usopp asked Lisa. She looked up at him and rolled her eyes.

"They're on the back of their jerseys."

Chopper was doing a little better now. His skating hadn't actually improved, but he was getting better at timing his staggers so they looked like him checking the opposing forwards. Or at least trying to- he still missed about half the time. And he never managed to catch either of the red wings- the two good skaters, both of whom had the name Rocket across their shoulders. Brothers, then, or cousins or something.

 _Snick-snick-snick-snick-snick_. A red player whipped fast so close the wind of his passage nearly blew my hat off. The white defenceman was right on his tail; the boards shook a second later as the two men crashed into them. I cheered as white got the puck and went racing up the ice. Each pass made a slapping noise, followed by a whoosh and thwack as it flew across the ice to the receiver. The three white forwards switched off every few seconds, trying to make up for their inferior skating skills with stick handling and teamwork. And it worked, more or less.

 _Slap! Swish! Tick!_ The puck bounced off the red goalie's helmet when he tried to block it, but not at the angle he would've liked…

 _ **BWAAAAAAH!**_

"He shoots, he scores!" Draper shouted from the box, waving his arms ecstatically. "Take that you red Seas fu-!"

"Language!" Ron groaned, blocking out the end of the curse. "Dammit Draper, there're kids here! You'll get fired if you don't reign it in!" The second announcer froze as he finished, realizing his unintentional hypocrisy.

Someone came up beside me and tapped my shoulder. Chills ran up my spine; maudit, had security figured us out? I looked back to see a man who would've been the picture of nondescript- brown eyes, brown hair, a little on the short side- had he not been wearing a grey trenchcoat and fedora straight out of a noir film. When he spoke, his voice was low and rough. "Are you Jones?"

The hair on the back of my neck rose. "Who's asking?" I lowered my left hand to my hip, ready to draw one of my sais. Not that I was in a condition to fight. A chirp and growl from Ruatha alerted Usopp, Vivi, and Lisa to the newcomer's presence.

"You can call me Gold Star. We have a mutual friend, a certain Blue Drake, who said I might be able to find you around here somewhere, and to take orders from you for a day or two if I found you." Gold Star nodded towards my arm. "My friend said you'd be the one with a noble's armband that didn't match any known families."

I glanced down at the white lion rampant on field azure. "Oh…" I hadn't thought about how easy that would make me to identify when I bought it. Although with the hat and the increasing number of scars… Yeah, no, I wasn't gonna have as easy a time blending into crowds as I used to, was I?

Now wasn't the time to think of that. I shook my head to clear it. Blue Drake probably meant Sabo, which meant that this guy was a Revolutionary reinforcement. Who we didn't actually need, but I hadn't known if we Straw Hats would get to Drum when I called Luffy's brother. "Are you the only one, or are there others?"

"My cell is thirteen strong, including myself," Gold Star replied. "We are all at your disposal until the threat you described to Blue Drake over the snail has passed. Also, I'm under orders to acquire a codename for you so that Blue Drake can finish his paperwork for this op before Red Bear strangles him." The revolutionary's eyes danced with mirth.

A codename? Cool. "Does it have to follow the format 'colour noun,' or can it be something else? A number or a name?"

"The format is 'adjective noun,' actually," Gold Star informed me. "And yes, it has to follow."

"White Lion, then, unless that's already taken." If I was going to be easy to spot, may as well turn it up to James Bond levels of obviousness. After all, it's not like anyone outside the Revolutionaries would be learning the name anyway. To the government, I was still just a no-bounty pirate with odd fashion sense.

Gold Star nodded. "It's not. I'll tell Blue Drake your choice. Have you any orders for us, ma'am?"

I thought for a moment. Having someone ask me for orders was an odd experience, different from when my crew mates demanded a plan. Let's see… Wapol had landed near Bighorn in canon and assaulted the villagers on his way up to the castle. I had no idea where the rest of the crew was; they could be on the _Going Merry_ , ready to fight the king when he landed, or they could be scattered all over the island. "Set up watch near the village of Bighorn. Keep an eye out for hostiles under the command of King Wapol, but do not engage unless they look to be preparing for combat. He'll have civilians with him too, medical professionals; their safety is as high a priority as that of the villagers."

A nod. Gold Star patted some weapon hidden under his coat with a smile. "Makes sense. You can count on us. I'll head out now to talk to my men; we'll report to you if anything happens. Until later." Gold Star flipped an odd little salute- definitely not marine standard- as he turned to leave. Within seconds, he'd disappeared back into the crowd.

Turning back to the rink, I was just in time to see Chopper check one of the red Rockets, only to get a high stick to the helmet from the other as he was turning away. I winced in sympathy as the reindeer staggered, snarling at the player who'd dared hurt my gentle, fluffy future crew mate. Had I been able to do so, I probably would've leapt over the boards to defend the reindeer, the game be damned. As it was, attempting to do so would've only hurt me in my present state.

Chopper didn't need my help anyway. I gaped as the gentle, nervous doctor spun and socked his attacker, letting out a short, bestial yell. The Rocket he'd punched responded by slamming him into the boards; the two of them started to brawl. It took the ref and both linesmen coming over to break them up. Chopper and the Rocket were sent to the penalty boxes for the next five minutes, where they sat and snarled at each other.

While loss of Chopper from their defensive line didn't seem to hamper the white team very much, losing one of their Rockets certainly hurt the red. Their offensive crumbled. The Leafs got possession of the puck quickly and went racing up, their teamwork allowing them to dance around the Seas' players. A loud brass note blared when they scored.

By the time Chopper and the Rocket were out of the penalty boxes, the score was 5-3 for the Leafs. The period ended thirty seconds later, with neither team scoring in the meantime. One period left to go.

The white walkie Zamboni went around again; this time, I reached out to touch it as it lumbered past. Its fur was thick and so, so soft, kind of like an alpaca's wool. The Zamboni driver chuckled at me. Lisa pouted and stared at the white walkie, her diminutive height preventing her from reaching to imitate me. I cleared my throat and jabbed Usopp with my elbow.

"What?" the gunner asked, his voice a little snappish. I gestured to Lisa.

"Pick her up so she can reach? I'd do it, but…" I shrugged, presenting my broken arm. Immediately afterwards, my leg twitched beneath me, forcing me to lean heavily on the boards again. Usopp sighed.

"Fine, fine." The gunner picked the little girl up and held her out far enough that she could touch the white walkie the next time it came around. That made the Zamboni driver laugh outright. Lisa smiled as Usopp put her down.

Vivi sighed loudly and shot me a pointed look. "Jones, are you or are you not well enough to travel? I- we need to get to Alabasta as quickly as possible, do we not? Please… I keep thinking about Crocodile- what he could be doing to my country, my friends…"

I winced. Here it was again- my future knowledge would force me to sound cold, to come off as a monster. And it was always in relation to Vivi… "If my heart's beating and I'm breathing, I'm well enough to travel. But we can't- not yet. There's- there's something going to happen here soon that we need to help with. Wapol, the king of Dr-!"

"He's coming back, isn't he?" Vivi said bitterly. "He's going to try and retake his country by force."

Nodding mutely, I raised an eyebrow at the princess. She spoke before I could open my mouth to question her. "We ran into him on the _Going Merry_ while you were out. It was an… _unpleasant_ encounter. And he was never a good man anyway. That's _exactly_ the sort of thing he would do- I can't say I'd be surprised even if the crew hadn't met him."

Right… Vivi and Wapol had met in the past, as fellow royals. "Things won't start moving in Alabasta just yet," I offered quietly. "Crocodile's still not ready, and neither are the rebels. We have time."

"Well, there's that at least." Vivi sighed softly and tugged on a strand of hair that had come loose from her ponytail. "And… It would be unfair of me to demand that we move on, knowing what Wapol intends to do. I can't very well ask you to save my country, but not another. And these people… They're so full of _life_ , so different from my people, but the same as well. I'd hate for anything to happen to them."

Vivi smiled- both fond and sad- out at the rink, at the rowdy, brightly painted hockey fans and the vendors moving among them. Something strange welled up in my chest, an odd sort of pride maybe? I wasn't quite sure. All I knew was that suddenly, I was seeing Vivi as she could be- not the well-meaning but bratty princess I'd been travelling wit, but the future queen that had been shown in canon. She still had a long way to go- probably a _very_ long way- but it was there.

A vendor approached my companions and I as the third period started. He was selling drinks; I purchased hot chocolate for my companions and myself. None for Ruatha though. I wasn't sure if chocolate was bad for dragons or not. Usopp whined and stared at his mug. " _Jones_ … I'm a brave warrior of the sea! I can pay for myself!"

"Yeah, but I'd feel bad paying for Vivi and Lisa, but not you." I waved a hand dismissively and blew on my drink. The last thing I needed was to add a scalded tongue to my list of injuries. "You can get it next time."

The gunner nodded; we all turned back to the ice as the game started up again. I winced as one of the Rockets circled Chopper so fast he made the reindeer's eyes spin- and not even because he needed to. Neither of them had the puck at the time; the red player was just being a passive-aggressive jerk.

Red scored three more goals in quick succession, bringing them back into the lead. Their center was coming in for a fourth when Chopper got in his way. Up until now, the fact that Chopper's poor skating hadn't made him spend most of the game on the ice was impressive; after a head on collision with the incoming forward, it was a downright _miracle_ that he was still upright. The red center went down like a tree; chalk one up for zoans being exceptionally sturdy, I guess. Chopper dazedly took possession of the puck and shot it up to the white center. Seconds later, a horn blared as the puck sailed into the net.

"Jackson scores!" Draper cheered from the announcers' box, "With an assist from Alan, who's finally starting to get back on his game! Don't know why his coach didn't pull him and put someone else on- guy clearly had one too many beers before the game- but-!"

"Please, for once in your life, stuff a sock in it," Ron said, rubbing his temples. Draper folded his arms.

"If they didn't want me commenting, they woulda fired me a long time ago. Stop being such a wet blanket; you don't get paid to tell me to shut up."

"Only because it's an exercise in futility not worth paying _anyone_ for," Ron grumbled. Then he perked up. "But yes, that was a nice assist and I'm glad Alan seems to be getting back on his feet. This is a tight game folks; then again, it's been a tight season. There's no way of knowing who'll take the cup home tonight."

As if to prove his words an immediate lie, the Seas scored two goals in quick succession- and they would've gotten a third had the Leafs' goalie been a nanosecond slower. The puck bounced off his leg with a heavy thud. White took possession, only to be countered by a heavy knot of defense just over the center line. After a few seconds of struggle, they managed to outmaneuver the red defensemen, but by the time they had, the two Rockets were there and had stolen the puck again.

"Tabarnak! Come on Leafs, you can do better than this!" Draper pounded his fist on the table in front of him. Usopp looked at me in confusion. I shrugged; I didn't understand where that had come from either. That curse was based on the French Catholic church, which didn't exist in the _One Piece_ world, so I had no idea how it was a thing here.

Another red goal. Adrenaline shot through me as play resumed; I found myself yelling again, my throat growing sore as I pounded on the boards until the force I was absorbing made me sick. "Come on Leafs! You can do it! Go Chopper, go!"

But the Seas were up by three, and time was starting to run short. The white forwards regained possession and made another foray at the red net, but the puck bounced off the goalie's hand. Red took possession and nearly scored _again_ , with the puck pinging off the upper bar. The Rockets were everywhere now; had I been less familiar with skating, I might've suspected a Devil Fruit. As it was, they were just bloody fast.

The scrape and scratch of blades against ice filled the air. My heart beat faster; I'd never played hockey, but skating… I wanted to be out on the ice. I started shivering- a mixture of anticipation and cold made everything tingle. Which naturally made standing on my injured legs even harder… Although I didn't actually fall until Chopper checked one of the Rockets into the boards right next to where I was, causing them and me to shake violently. The reindeer took possession of the puck, but then froze, staring. He didn't have a clear line of fire to any of his teammates; there was a red player on each of them, between the doctor and all other white players.

The Rocket he'd just checked moved to take the puck back. Panicking, Chopper shot the puck off in a random direction with an echoing slap. Black rubber soared through the air, a barely visible streak arcing low over the ice. It skimmed past the red goalie's hand when he reached out to stop it, slamming into the back of the net.

 _ **BWAAAAAAAAAH!**_

The brass band blared. Red was still up by two, and there was little time left in the game. I let out a wordless yell as the teams clashed again, urging the Leafs on with my mind. It did no good though; the Seas and their Rockets sped around the white defense to score another goal. After that, with only thirty seconds left, there was no chance. The Leafs kept fighting hard til the end, but they couldn't get past the Seas in time. Forget the three goals they would've had to catch up on, they couldn't even get one before a horn blared to signal the end of the game.

"Aw shit!" Draper slammed his head into his table and groaned loudly. "Dammit Leafs! You were looking so good this year too! So close!"

Ron patted him on the back. "I still can't believe you're so invested in this team. You know they haven't won a game since you were a toddler. Do you even _remember_ the last time they won the cup?"

"But they actually made the _playoffs_ this time. I thought their fate was changing!" Draper's voice was still loud and clear, despite having his face pressed to the table. "And of _course_ I remember- it was the greatest game I've ever seen! Why can't we have that glory every year?"

Out on the ice, the red players were celebrating, hugging and roughing each other up. The white team was far more subdued, but still laughing and high-fiving. One of the linesman disappeared for a moment, walking back onto the rink with a massive trophy in his hands. He passed it off to the Rockets, who hoisted it high with a mighty, joint cheer. "Wahoo! We did it!"

On the Leafs side of the ice, Chopper radiated happiness. A bunch of the players were talking to him at once- I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it sounded like something about how well he'd done for how poorly he was skating that day. I smiled. They were such good team players. My smile didn't last though, soon morphing into a look of terror as cold settled in my stomach.

Why? Because in a fit of enthusiasm, one of the Leafs had wrapped an arm around Chopper's shoulders from behind, giving the reindeer a noogie and, more importantly, _knocking his helmet off_ by accident.

Everyone in the whole rink- players, announcers, and spectators- froze. Chopper flinched as his helmet fell to the ice with a clatter. Hundreds of pairs of eyes stared at him in the ensuing silence. Cringing, the reindeer stumbled across the ice towards my crew mates and I. His fear made him an even worse skater; he stumbled and fell on his face. Chopper popped into his hybrid form on instinct just before he landed- it probably hurt less to fall when he was smaller. Crawling out the neck of the jersey he'd been wearing, the little reindeer was quickly picked up by one of the men he'd been playing beside.

"Well, that certainly explains some things. What happened to Alan?"

"I'm sorry…" Faced with capture, Chopper began to babble. Tears welled up at the corners of his eyes before spilling over, tracing dark tracks through his fur. "I just wanted to watch the game, and Jones said I should borrow clothes for a disguise… I didn't mean to replace one of your teammates, and I swear I was gonna return everything. I'm so sorry!"

I waited with baited breath as the hockey player gazed at Chopper. Was I going to have to fight these people to get the reindeer out? That wasn't in the plan at all! Hopefully Usopp, Vivi, and Lisa would stand beside me if it came to that. I could probably count on Usopp and Lisa, but the princes… Eh, maybe.

"So Alan was playing hooky again, eh?" the Leafs coach grumbled from the sidelines. " _This_ is why I don't usually put him on the starting line. When I find that boy…" His threat went unfinished.

Chopper closed his eyes, his little muzzle scrunching adorably as he cringed away from the man holding him. I growled and did my best to look threatening, despite the fact that I could barely stand. Shaking… So tired… This probably hadn't been the best of ideas as far as my wounds were concerned. "Put him down!"

To my surprise, the hockey player complied- sort of. Rather than putting Chopper down, he skated over and deposited the reindeer on the boards beside me. He ruffled the doctor's fur and smiled. "Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt him. He's a pretty cute little guy- plus, he's not bad for never having played before. I kinda feel bad about shouting at him at the end of first period, now I know he's not really Alan."

Dark brown eyes opened slowly, shining with wonder. "You- you're not scared of me?" Chopper choked out. "But… Last time I went to a town in any of my human forms, people got scared and shot at me. They called me a monster…" The reindeer's ears drooped.

I wrapped my good arm protectively around Chopper, drawing him close against my chest. Lisa hesitated for a moment, then patted him gently on the head. The hockey player looked stunned for a moment before smiling sheepishly. When he went to pat Chopper too, though, Ruatha hissed and snapped at him. Getting the message, the man took a step back.

"Well, you're an okay hockey player, and you look like a sweet little kid- I don't think anyone's gonna call you a monster anymore."

"Really?" Chopper's eyes turned into stars.

Another Leafs player skated up behind the first, stopping fast to spray his teammate with snow. "Sure, little guy! After all, you play with us, you're one of us. Besides, the shape-changing- you ate a zoan fruit, right? Like Mayor Dalton of Bighorn? And he's a pretty good guy."

Ears perking up, Chopper glanced around at the rest of the team. One by one, the Leafs players nodded. A few of the spectators sitting nearest to us did as well, their confused stares turning into small smiles. Some of the children asked their parents if they could come down and pet Chopper. When they came close, though, the nervous reindeer squeaked and hugged my arm. Vivi shook her head and knelt down to face the approaching children eye to eye.

"I know your parents said it was alright, but maybe you shouldn't. The little reindeer boy is scared right now; you don't want to upset him even more, do you?"

Half a dozen tiny heads shook in unison. One little girl- who couldn't have been more than three- pouted and fiddled with the blue and white flag she was holding. "But he looks so snuggly…"

"He does. But he's very scared right now; this is all new to him. You wouldn't like it if a bunch of people you'd never met came up to you and started pinching your cheeks and playing with your hair, would you?"

The little girl shook her head at Vivi's words. She trotted back to her mother, one thumb tucked into her mouth while she clutched her flag like it was a blanket. Vivi smiled fondly at the children as they wandered away.

Heavy footsteps rapidly approaching made me stiffen and Usopp jump. Turning around, I saw a grinning Draper striding towards us around the rink. Wow, he moved fast. Also… _MY EYES!_ That suit was _blinding_ at close range. The gold in the plaid glinted and shone- probably actual gold thread then, as ridiculously expensive and hard to make as that stuff was- and the purple was the most absolutely _electric_ shade I could imagine. I didn't even know that was a thing! It was like someone had summoned a new shade of purple from beyond the edges of the multiverse solely for the purpose of making my eyes smart.

"Ehohohohoho! You've got balls kid, I'll give you that!" Draper went to clap Chopper on the back. He froze at the last moment when he spotted the dazed, still scared expression on the little reindeer's face, and the way the doctor was huddling against my chest. The announcer rubbed sheepishly at the back of his head, as if that's what he'd meant to do all along. "Seriously though, sneaking into the playoff finals takes _guts_."

Chopper perked up in confusion at the sound of approval in Draper's voice. "I didn't mean to- the coach mistook me for someone else. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry; be proud! Sure, compared to the other guys, you may've sucked, but for someone who's never played before, you did _awesome_. Keep skating; you've got talent. Could be a great player someday. So, you're a Leafs fan, eh?"

Shrinking slightly, Chopper shook his head. "I- I've never gotten to watch any big games before. Just kids' games. I don't know anything about the major teams…"

Draper's eyes went wide; his face turned red. It didn't match his suit at all. Chopper cringed, shrinking even more, his ears drooping until they were plastered to the sides of his neck. But Draper wasn't angry at him, as was revealed a moment later. "How can such a thing be allowed? A native of Drum Kingdom not knowing the teams of the DHL- it's unheard of!"

"Sorry…" Chopper flinched again. Draper shook his head.

"No, no, it's not your fault. Here; I know just the thing to help." The loud announcer- seriously, at this close range his voice was murder on my ears- pulled a book out of one of his suit's oversized pockets and shoved it in the reindeer's direction. Chopper grabbed it dazedly, his fearful cringing turning into a confused smile. He began flipping through almost immediately, his ears rising as he no longer felt threatened. Draper smiled and leaned on the boards.

Somewhere in the distance, I heard faint explosions, like fireworks going off on the other end of the island. Or gunshots. Sounded like Wapol and his men were landing, and the Revolutionaries were taking care of it. Which honestly… That could've been bad for recruitment. If Wapol himself was beaten before getting to the castle, Luffy and Chopper wouldn't get a chance to fight him together and bond. But if there was one thing I was sure of about Wapol, it was that he would throw as many men as he needed to at the problem in order to allow himself to sneak by without being shot.

Cowardly bastard.

Chopper should probably get back up to the castle soon, so he could meet Luffy before they dealt with Wapol together. I opened my mouth to say something, but… Chopper was getting so much joy out of his book. His eyes were wide and dark as they scanned the pages, a small smile creasing his muzzle and his ears perking forwards. I couldn't bring myself to ruin the moment for him. Snuggling with the tiny reindeer, a smile grew over my own face.

Although… Hopefully he'd still want to come be a pirate after being accepted by the people of Drum via hockey obsession.

Lisa wrapped her arms around my waist and leaned into my side- a motion that supported me as much as displaying her inexplicable affection. The little girl craned her neck to peer at Chopper's book; when he realized that, the reindeer shifted in my arm and angled the book so Lisa could read it more easily. Usopp and Vivi stared at us with confusion… and longing?

Around us, more and more people were coming to see Chopper, although they did keep a respectful distance. I did my best to shield the reindeer from prying eyes, but truth be told, their staring was making _me_ uncomfortable too. They were all too close, too loud, too _much_ … I wanted to clap my hands over my ears and curl up into a ball- I probably would have, but for two things. One, I only had one good arm right now, and two, I was using said good arm to snuggle a fluffy reindeer.

…

Okay, there were other factors as well, like the presence of my friends giving me more confidence, and the fact that I couldn't bend my legs enough to curl into a little ball. But the two things list sounds better.

Even the red team was coming over to see Chopper. Well, most of them; the Rockets held back. One of the red defensemen even came close enough to ruffle Chopper's fur before I noticed him. The reindeer glanced up in curious, nervous awe; I jumped backwards into Usopp in surprise. Which of course sent bolts of pain through my legs and back. The defenseman chuckled sheepishly.

"Sorry- didn't mean to startle you. Just wanted to see if the little guy was as fluffy as he looked."

I opened my mouth to tell the man off, but one of his teammates beat me to it. By cracking him over the head with a hockey stick. " _Ralph_ … At least ask first."

"Sorry…"

This whole thing- being surrounded by celebrating hockey players and curious spectators- could've gone on for a long time. I could see the Rockets pulling out a keg of beer from somewhere under the stands. The band was playing loudly, an unfamiliar song this time, and people were starting to dance on the ice. Many of them weren't even wearing skates, which wasn't the best idea. But the burgeoning party was halted in less than half an hour by the sound of marching feet. Many, many marching feet.

Actually, having enough men marching towards us that they could be heard over a brass band was kind of impressive. Everyone streamed out of the rink to see who or what was coming, from the smallest children up to Draper and the hockey players. I continued to hold Chopper as I moved, although the little reindeer was no longer engrossed in his new hockey book.

Soldiers were approaching over the rise, from the direction I assumed Bighorn was in. At the same time, Johnny, Yosaku, and Nami were coming down the road from a different direction. They saw the soldiers before the soldiers were in a position to see them, allowing Nami to grab the hunters and drag them into a clump of trees to hide.

Black coats with fluffy white trim- over a hundred of them. I didn't remember Wapol having that many men in canon, but what was more concerning was that there were still so many left after whatever the Revolutionaries had done when they were landing. I didn't see any sign of Wapol, Chess, or Kuromarimo though. Which meant those three were probably still on their way to the castle.

Chopper's fear made him turn into his animal form, legs flailing as his instincts demanded he run away from all the men carrying guns. A sharp hoof tore along my arm as I tried to calm the reindeer down. "Shh, it's alright Choppy. They won't get you."

The flailing and eye rolling stopped, although Chopper was still shaking like a leaf. "You're sure? How can you be sure? There's so many of them, and they have _guns_!"

"But none of them are going to shoot _you_." I set the reindeer down beside me; holding him with one arm was getting taxing. Chopper shook.

"What makes you think that?"

"Because you won't be here." I nudged the reindeer towards the nearest ropeway. "Wapol and a couple of his top men are headed up to the castle. They're going to try and kick Kureha out, and there's a giant cannon in there that they'll use to threaten and control the island."

"The armoury…" Chopper breathed. I nodded.

"Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin can probably defend the castle well enough," I mused, hoping it would provoke the reaction I thought it would. And it did, with Chopper pawing at the snow and tossing his head.

"But… But the castle is _my_ home; _I'm_ the one who should defend it. And they're injured; they shouldn't be fighting! Especially the one with the broke foot- Ghin, I think- he can barely walk!"

A small smile grew on my face. "If you're certain about that, you should probably get going." The soldiers were starting to close ranks. None of them seemed to be paying any attention to the reindeer, but it was only a matter of time.

Chopper hesitated for a moment before nodding. Then… "But, what will you do? What about all these soldiers?"

I patted him on the neck and nudged the reindeer again. "Don't worry about us. We're gonna play a game with these guys."

"Really? What kind of game?" Chopper's frown indicated something more along the lines of _Really? A game_ _ **now?**_ _Are you crazy? These guys could shoot you!_ But maybe I was just reading too much into things.

"Of course." I grinned, drawing a sai with my good hand as Lisa disentangled herself from my waist and pulled out her paints. "It's one of our crew's favourite games- Whack-a-Mook."

The look Chopper shot me told me on no uncertain terms that he'd lost any confidence he had in my sanity. To be fair, I had too. I mean, I'd always enjoyed a good fight, but there were so _many_ , and they had _guns_. Even if I was willing to jump in anyway, where was my fear? There should be at least some, but all I was feeling was _excitement_.

Then again, I suppose after nearly being eaten by a T-Rex, human adversaries didn't seem nearly as scary, even if there were a lot of them.

Chopper shook his head and cantered away before the soldiers finished closing ranks, apparently deciding to put the question of my madness of until a later date. None of the soldiers even looked at him; apparently, he was at most a pet that was running away in fear, and thus there was no point in shooting at him. Oh boy, were they in for a surprise later. Assuming they were still around later. Once everyone who'd been in the rink was surrounded, one of the soldiers stepped forwards. He had some sort of insignia pinned to his coat, although I had no idea what it meant.

"By order of King Wapol, all citizens of Drum who didn't come to greet his glorious return are under arrest, pending trial on his reclamation of the royal palace." The soldier scowled and shifted, as if preparing for a fight. "We are authorized to use force- up to and including lethal force- on all who resist. Also, by decree of King Wapol, hockey is now outlawed in Drum Kingdom."

That was exactly the wrong thing to say in front of what amounted to a bunch of Canadians. Especially when they outnumbered you. Although, to be fair, the soldiers had guns and the players and spectators didn't. Still, that didn't seem to stop anyone. Draper and Ron glared at the speaking soldier, before the former glanced at all the nearby hockey players. "Boys, get the kids somewhere safe."

"But we wanna help," whined a little boy who couldn't have been more than seven. He held a hockey stick the way- well, the way little kids think you're supposed to hold a sword. The player named Ralph picked the boy up with a grim smile.

"No can do, kid. You heard the coach's orders. We've gotta keep you safe."

Of course, no one could go anywhere easily due to being surrounded- even if we outnumbered the people surrounding us. And I had to agree with the hesitation. My own fear may have been taking a sabbatical, but if moving made the soldiers shoot at the kids… I wasn't sure if they would, but they were in Wapol's employ, so it couldn't be ruled out.

I could still hear gunshots from Bighorn's direction. Not sure what was happening, but hopefully the Revolutionaries were alright. There was no time to worry about that at the moment though; had to focus on what was right in front of me first. I glanced at Usopp and Lisa. "Either of you have a distraction?"

That drew all the soldiers' attention to me- I hadn't exactly kept my voice down. And while that wasn't what I'd been going for, it distracted them for just that fraction of a second, long enough for a slingshot to whip out and an arc of colour to splash across the nearest men. Snow exploded into the air as soldiers staggered around, mumbling and twitching at things I couldn't see. Flames leapt up from the snow in brief flashes, only to be immediately doused by melting water.

"Usopp Sure-Kill Fire Star- Storm!"

"Hallucination Hot Pink!"

"Newton's Second!" Not to be left out, I stomped and released a burst of force, shaking the ground and sending up a shockwave of snow that knocked some of the soldiers over. Between the three of us, we created a wide opening- one that the hockey players and a number of women took, leading the children in the crowd away from the army and quickly sequestering them in the Zamboni… barn. Which left the poor Zamboni walkie out in the open, but the soldiers weren't paying it any attention.

My own distraction technique dropped _me_ as well, though. I winced; Lisa shook her head and pulled me to my feet. "Oops! Just remembered; I worked this out yesterday. Get-Well Soon Gold!"

A splash of shimmering colour bloomed across my chest. It sent a rush of wellbeing flooding through me, adrenaline and endorphins. This was _good_. I grinned, flipping a sai around in my good hand, ready for a fight. Lisa shook her head again and poked me.

"Hey, don't rely on that _too_ much. It makes you _feel_ better, but I don't think it'll help you heal much faster. Maybe a little though."

That dampened my mood slightly- note to self, teach Lisa that placebo effects don't generally work as well if you know about them. It would be a useful lesson for her techniques. I immediately blocked off the part of my brain that was thinking about that, minimizing the destruction of the good feeling. It worked, mostly. Despite my wounds, I was no longer shaking- I even felt _strong_.

 _BANG!_ A gun fired as the soldiers regained their feet. Ruatha hissed- maudit, I'd forgotten to send him off with the kids. That was when fear finally caught up with me, despite the paint-induced feeling of strength. Because paint or no paint, my mobility was still hampered by stiffness, bandages, and my cast. I had one working limb; how was I supposed to fight?

With my brains and cartoon science, of course. I released a second burst of force, this one stronger, giving it everything I had. "Newton's Second! Ruatha, spit!"

"Fus! Roh! Dah!" Great gobs of dragon spit hit three of the nearest soldiers in the face as they fell onto their backs. This, more than my force bursts, was what seemed to get people's attention.

"She must be the ringleader! After her!" The lead soldier's face turned red as he yelled, pointing at me before he'd even gotten up. Of course, since this was the reaction I'd been going for- more or less- I was already on the move.

"Please, Perkunas, don't let them remember they have guns! Make them forget they have guns!" I scrambled through the snow as quickly as I could, racing into the town proper. Or stumbling, more like. My prayer went… _partially_ answered. A group of five soldiers came after me, and it did indeed take them a minute to start shooting. And when they _did_ start shooting, the bullets all rained down far away from me. Each one sent up a little splash of snow.

Wow. These guys had even worse aim than me. Who do I thank for this- the deity I was praying to, or my writer? Sometimes this meta thing gets confusing.

I ducked into the first open doorway I found- an outhouse. Bullets pinged off the walls for a moment, then silence. I waited with baited breath. Were they going to-? A lone shadow approached. They _were_. Sending a lone guy in to come after me… Well, I suppose the door was only wide enough for one of them to come through at a time, and the outhouse _was_ rather small.

 _TONG!_ I swung my sai into the approaching soldier's forehead as he came through the door. He blinked, dazed but still upright, so I hit him again. This time did the trick, sending the man keeling over.

More bullets pinged off the outhouse. A few even flew in the open door, although I had never left my place of concealment off to the side. Most of the bullets plopped into the toilet, but one ricocheted off a mirror and buried itself into the wall next to my head. _Too close_ … My heartrate sped up, breath coming in ragged pants for a few seconds. I got it under control as quickly as I could.

Tabarnak… What was I supposed to do _now_? Even if they had aim worse than mine, there were a lot of bullets out there. Moving would be monumentally _stupid_ , unless… They had to reload sometime. But even then, what? I had one working limb; my usual fighting style wouldn't work.

I didn't have time to think about that. Seconds later I heard a quartet of clicks as the remaining soldiers ran out of ammo and paused to reload. Now was my chance. I stepped out of the outhouse, flipping my sai around as I desperately sought for ideas. Most of the sai techniques I knew from karate required more movement than I was capable of, just like any of my unarmed techniques… So I'd have to use a technique from somewhere else, somewhere that didn't require movement from anywhere but my left arm and a little bit of walking.

Got it.

I dropped my arm against my side as I approached the nearest soldier, then brought it up and slammed my sai into his floating ribs from below. The motion of my arm and a flick of my wrist brought my weapon up so the monouchi was resting on my left shoulder. "Azure Edge!"

So it was a sword technique from a video game, big deal. It worked well enough. I grabbed more techniques from the same series- although a different character- launching them as quickly as I could at the soldiers who were fumbling to reload their guns.

"Lightning Tiger Blade!" A rapid up and around swing that caught him in both the jaw and the temple knocked the soldier to the ground.

"Demon Fang!" I slammed the tsukagashira of my sai into one man's solar plexus. A flick of my wrist sent the tsumi and saki rolling through, jabbing in quick succession. He wouldn't be breathing easily any time soon.

"Omega Tempest!" Spinning to strike the guy sneaking up behind me in the neck hurt my stiffened legs, but it was worth it. I followed up with another jaw and temple swing like I'd used on his companion. "Lightning Tiger Blade!"

 _Ca-click!_ The last soldier raised his gun and pointed it at my head just as I turned to face him. Point-blank range- he couldn't possibly miss, but I could reach to hit him too. Cold steel pressed a ring into my forehead; a thrill of fear ran down my spine. I covered up the terror with a mad grin, hoping that if I seemed threatening enough, the soldier wouldn't be able to see me shaking. "Sesehihihihihi!"

"Surrender, criminal scum." The soldier paused. Confusion grew across his face as, after about thirty seconds of me laughing, he realized that I had no intention of listening to him. That emotion started to give way to fear. "I- I don't get it. I could kill you where you stand! Why are you still smiling?!"

"Because… I… am not left handed. Azure Edge!" I aimed higher than I had on his companion, my sai striking this man in the arm instead of the ribs, knocking his gun upwards. With the muzzle pointing harmlessly at the sky, I was safe to move in. I stole his breath, and then his consciousness. "Demon Fang! Lightning Tiger Blade!"

The soldier's face was still a mask of confusion as he fell. I couldn't stop laughing, not even sure why. Maybe it was adrenaline; maybe I found the idea of using video game techniques with the wrong weapon hilarious; maybe I was just going insane. It didn't matter. Still cackling like the Joker, I moved back towards the main body of the army. Not that there were many left, between Usopp, Vivi, Lisa, and the enraged citizens of Drum Kingdom. As I got closer to the primary fight, I saw many, many men laid out on the ground with missing teeth, the bruises and dents in their heads shaped suspiciously like the hockey sticks that many of the locals were wielding with abandon.

Seriously, Wapol shouldn't have tried to outlaw hockey in _One Piece_ Canada.

Johnny, Yosaku, and Nami had joined the fray- or rather, the hunters had, while the sailing master was slipping through the battle like a ghost. She didn't hit anyone, nor did anyone hit her, and at first I wasn't sure what she was even doing. Then I caught a glimpse of her quick-moving hands, picking the pockets of Wapol's men. Many of the soldiers- distracted by paint-induced hallucinations or flaming bullets- probably wouldn't have noticed her presence if she'd been screaming in their faces.

Lisa smiled at me as I entered the battlefield, the little girl carefully targeting soldiers from behind a thus far impenetrable barrier formed by Usopp and Vivi. The gunner and the princess, despite not being the strongest fighters, were both adept at taking out opponents from a distance. The area they defended was occupied not just by Lisa, but by one of Wapol's men as well. Unlike many of his frantic compatriots, this soldier smiled serenely at everyone, a swath of green splashed across his chest. Aww, Lisa had captured one for questioning. She was such a good girl.

Even without having an exact count, though, I could tell there were some soldiers missing. Tabarnak. Where had they gone? I was more worried about the missing soldiers than the few I could see that were still conscious. Not knowing where a man is makes it easy for him to shoot you in the back. I spun slowly in place, looking for any sign of the men. Although, in the end, I didn't see the signs- I heard them. Footsteps, cocking guns, slipping, and cursing, all from the rink surface.

They were going after the kids and hockey players- probably to arrest the athletes. Not on my watch, pal.

I didn't know how many men I'd be facing, or what kind of assistance I could or could not expect, so I needed a distraction. Something big and weird; something so out there even the most hardened soldier would hesitate when he saw it. Or, failing that…

 _Yes_.

The Zamboni walkie was meandering around near the edge of the battlefield, unsure what to do with itself. So I took it upon myself to give the beast some direction. Climbing onto its back, not bothering to remove the Zamboni rig, I grabbed the reins and did my best to guide the walkie into the rink. After a moment of confusion- he wasn't used to going in and out through the main gate, poor dear- I succeeded. And the look on the faces of the ten soldiers who were in there searching for the kids and hockey players?

Absolutely priceless.

My laughter started up again, something _uncontrollable_ and _mad_ bubbling in my chest. The men stared up at me in confusion, their guns hanging limply from their hands. "Sesehihihihihi! You're about to be hit by a Zamboni!"

That shouldn't have been funny. It really shouldn't have been. Whether mechanical or pulled by a great, fluffy hippo, a Zamboni hitting someone was bound to do serious injury at the very least. These men were only following the orders of their corrupt king; none of this was their fault. But while I was by no means _trying_ to make them suffer, I wasn't exactly concerned about it either. And I certainly wasn't slowing the plodding steps of my mount.

Just before the Zamboni walkie trundled into them, the soldiers figured out that I wasn't just bluffing or playing chicken. By then, though, if they'd raised their guns against me, they would've been run over for real. So they dove to the side, most abandoning their firearms in their haste. Wood and steel was ground into the ice beneath the Zamboni walkie's heavy feet, producing a tremendous crunching noise.

"Ruatha, spit!"

"Fus! Roh! Dah!" Three soldiers suddenly found themselves wiping sticky dragon slobber out of their eyes. I wondered briefly if it stung, or if they'd closed their eyes in time.

Jumping down off the Zamboni walkie, I winced in pain. My wounds were _not_ happy to be moving around so much. Lisa's gold paint helped me supress it though, so I could still fight. Still grinning like mad, although not laughing for the moment, I plowed into the nearest soldier with a combination I was coming to love. "Demon Fang! Lightning Tiger Blade!"

"Hrrrrrraaagh!" Ruatha jumped off my shoulder and into another soldier's face, distracting the man before he could attack me. Tiny teeth tore into the man's nose, with little claws shredding his coat as my baby fought to keep his hold. The soldier flailed wildly, unable to see- or apparently think- with a dragon clinging to him.

The world narrowed, until all I could see or hear was the next opponent. I kept the Zamboni walkie nearby, a mobile wall against anyone trying to come up on my back. Although… If anyone tried to hurt the walkie to get to me, there would be nine kinds of Hell to pay. I turned to stab rapidly and repeatedly at the next soldier, forcing him back and poking small, bleeding holes in his arms and chest. "Sword Rain!"

Someone clocked me as I was finishing the technique, sending me crumpling to my knees even as I knocked my target onto his back. I rolled through the snow to avoid being kicked. Ow, ow, ow… Then heavy boots met a dadao with a thudding clang, as Yosaku stepped between me and the attacking soldier. "Leave Big Sis alone! She's still hurt!"

"Tha-!" Whatever the soldier was about to say was cut off as Johnny came in from behind and clubbed him over the head with the pommel of his weapon.

Ruatha scrambled to join us as I hauled myself to my feet. Ow… pain and stiffness. Three-and-a-half Straw Hats against eight soldiers, one of whom was already injured. Those bastards didn't have a chance. My grin grew wider as I considered the situation; Johnny and Yosaku weren't far behind. Merde, even Ruatha had his mouth cracked open in a toothy dragon smile. Very slowly, I raised my sai to my face and licked along the monouchi, relishing the shiver it sent down the soldier's spines.

And for anyone thinking "Well, at least it's safer than licking a sword, since it has no blade or anything," keep in mind that this was the middle of a Drum Island winter. I'm _very_ lucky that my tongue didn't stick to my weapon. That would've been embarrassing.

Seconds later, the sounds of fighting died down outside the arena. Usopp, Nami, Vivi, and Lisa came in, the latter leading her captured soldier by the hand. One of the men Johnny, Yosaku, and I were facing saw them and gestured to his allies. A couple of the men made faces and whimpered as they realized they had no hope of winning.

Quiet tinkling sounded in the ensuing silence, a yellow puddle growing around one soldier's boot. Wapol's men weren't very brave, were they?

"Who's the least embarrassing to surrender to?" one soldier hissed at his nearest ally. The man in question shrugged.

"Any other time, I'd say the guys with the swords… But they've got a little girl with mind-control paints and a madwoman with a _dragon_ on her shoulder."

The first one to speak nodded. "Well, then, the choice is obvious."

All eight remaining soldiers turned to bow to Usopp. And I mean full on, kneeling in the snow, formal bow. "Please sir, save us from this madness!"

Poor Usopp looked torn. On the one hand, people were surrendering to him, which must've been puffing up his ego. On the other, he looked like he had about as much of an idea what to do with them as a snowball would've known about travelling in Hell. He didn't respond at all, his face a mask of confusion. Words niggled at the back of my mind in the ensuing silence, until the urge to say them grew far too strong to resist. I spoke up softly, half-expecting one of my friends from Earth to come and stop me.

"This isn't madness; this is _One Piece_."

A moment later, a bottle bounced off my head. I frowned at Nami, who was putting on such a façade of exaggerated innocence that it was clear she _wanted_ me to know she was the one who'd thrown it. "What was that for?"

"I don't know," the sailing master admitted- although at least she had the courtesy to look somewhat sheepish. "For some reason, I just felt like I really, _really_ needed to hit you for saying that."

"Of course." I rolled my eyes and glanced up at the sky. "And no, I will _not_ let it die- that's even more of a classic than Arrow to the Knee! And on a similar topic… You just lost The Game!"

Johnny sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Big Sis… I know you like creeping prisoners out and all, but do you _have_ to do that in front of us? It's kinda freaky."

"That had nothing to do with creeping the prisoners out and everything to do wi- oh, forget it. It doesn't matter." I waved a hand at the blue hunter as I pulled away from his hold. Hobbling around so I was standing in front of the men we'd captured, I put my hand on my hip and bent to look them in the eyes. "Now, as for you guys… What was going on at Bighorn and why did Wapol send you here?"

The ones kneeling in the snow slowly paled, but said nothing. As for the one Lisa had splashed with paint… "His highness was angry that no one had welcomed him at the port, so he sent us to mete out justice. As we were leaving, the second company engaged a small militia force that was trying to prevent the king and his brother from heading up to his castle- but they were ambushed in turn by snipers hidden in the snow."

 _And his brother? Since when does Wapol have a brother?_ Putting that aside with a shrug, I glanced over at Lisa, my eyebrows raised in surprise. "Is that _just_ Calming Green, or…?"

"A little bit of Truthful Turquoise too, as an experiment." The little girl shrugged. "I'm trying to develop some new colours, since my usual ones didn't work on you."

"…You know I'll just turn the symbolism around on you again if you try and attack me, even with these new ones, right?" I shifted away, slightly worried despite my words. Some of these new colours might not be so easy to come up with alternate symbolism for- like Hallucination Hot Pink.

"Yeah." Lisa shrugged again. "I wasn't planning on using them on you though. But you might not be the only person who can do that either."

"Fair enough." Glancing around at my crew mates, I bit my lip. "So… Who wants to be on clean-up duty, and who wants to go up to the castle to check on three monsters and out future doctor. And possibly to act as my human shield, since there's a doctor up there who's most definitely _not_ happy with me right now."

Usopp shook his head, pulling himself out of his stupor. "If you don't wanna see this doctor person, why not just head back to the _Merry_? You could hide out there."

"Even if I go to the _Merry_ first, I have to go back up at least briefly. I'm wearing some of the homicidal doctor lady's clothes." A sweep of my arm indicated the shimmering outfit I was adorned with. It was at that moment that everyone seemed to realize that I currently lacked sleeves and pants.

 _ **"HOW ARE YOU NOT A POPSICLE?!"**_

I shrugged. "Canadian figure skater. It's in the blood."

Unfortunately, taking the time to go back to the _Going Merry_ for my own clothes would make me _very_ late- I would never get to see Luffy and Chopper fight Wapol. Not that I was likely to see that anyway. The fight was probably over by now, or would be by the time we got up the ropeway. I was considering the options when Johnny rolled his eyes.

"Let's head on up, Big Sis. Big Bro Ghin's up in the castle, yeah?"

"Yeah…" I was confused. "Why's that important?"

"Big Bro Ghin probably has some of your clothes with him, kinda like the bandages he keeps on him." Johnny rolled his eyes, as if that answer should've been obvious. "This isn't the first time you've taken clothing damage; I bet he's prepared."

"If you're sure…" I doubted it, but Yosaku nodded agreement with Johnny's analysis. Still, I couldn't help but be skeptical. After all, in the past I'd never wrecked my pants as well as my shirt- and even when I'd damaged a shirt, we'd been on the ship where I could easily get another _before_ the ruined one was removed and thrown out.

Usopp shook his head, breaking out of his confused stupor. "Hang on a second guys. If we're heading up to the castle… What do we do with these guys?" The gunner gestured at the soldiers, still kneeling in front of him.

It was Vivi who answered, shooting a sad look at the men in the snow. "We'll have to knock them out and tie them up- the rest of them too. Otherwise they might shoot the people living here." She didn't look as squeamish at this suggestion as I half-expected. Really, it was so hard for me to tell how Vivi would react to anything. Sometimes she seemed like a brat, sometimes a decent spy, sometimes a caring monarch… I gave up trying to predict her.

The soldiers protested at the idea of being knocked out, their words coming out garbled and panicky as they started talking over each other. My sai quickly overruled their objections. I gave Usopp my tape so he could bind the soldiers up; it would've been hard for me to do with just one hand.

By the time my companions and I left the rink, the Drum Kingdom citizens had performed similar operations on the other unconscious soldiers outside. I saw Draper as we left; he nodded at us as he bound one of Wapol's men with hockey tape. The announcer cocked his head to the side in a silent question. I grinned. "Ten on the rink- and five by one of the outhouses in town. Make sure you send someone to tie them up too."

"Will do." Draper nodded again. "Thanks."

I showed my crew mates to the ropeway Chopper and I had come down. Nami looked at the rope skeptically. "Are you sure this is for climbing up to the castle?"

"If Chopper can come down with me on his back, we can make it up there climbing. The ropes can take our weight." Balance was a little more uncertain. The rough, heavy hemp was the thickest rope I'd ever seen- about as big around as my thigh- but that still wasn't exactly comforting. We'd be hanging onto that rope several hundred meters up in the air at some point, after all. Again, I was amazed that Chopper was able to canter up and down the ropeways with such confidence on his little hooves.

"How do we-?" Usopp stared up at the rope in awe. Johnny and Yosaku whistled appreciatively, the massive rope appealing to their roguish appreciation of traps and secret paths.

Trying to just walk up the ropes would be stupid- anyone with poor balance or a fear of heights would've frozen and fallen. I _might_ have been able to make it were I at full health, but I wasn't a hundred percent confidant in that. So instead of standing, I climbed onto the rope and started to crawl upwards- although even doing that, my balance wasn't the best, what with having one arm out of commission. I was several meters up when my companions realized what I was doing. Usopp squawked in surprise; Lisa made a disgusted face.

"Can I stay down here?" the little girl wanted to know. Nami shook her head.

"No. We're all going up; we can't leave you down here alone."

"But-!"

Lisa's protest was cut off by Nami pinching her ear. "No. You're coming. It's not safe for you to be alone; what if more of Wapol's soldiers come?"

"Fine…" Lisa climbed onto the rope and began crawling up behind me. Nami and Vivi followed, then Usopp, with the hunters bringing up the rear. Glances back over my shoulder showed extreme discomfort on Lisa's face. She kept wincing and looking at her hands. And then, not five minutes into the climb, the painter began to whine.

"My arms are tired. How much longer until we get there?"

I wasn't sure what to say to that. We had a long way to go, and it would be even longer if she complained the whole way. For a few minutes I elected to ignore her, but then Lisa began groaning and sighing. Not loudly, but the sounds were regular, frequent, and annoying. Even Ruatha thought so; he hid his head under one wing with a chattering sigh of his own. Eventually it grew to be too much for me. I stopped crawling and clung tight to the rope with my legs, turning as much as I could to look Lisa in the eye.

"Look, I know you're a kid, but that doesn't mean anyone's gonna go easy on you. Complaining won't make this go any faster, so you're better off focusing on climbing."

"But I'm _tired_ ," was her response. And to be fair, her arms were trembling with exertion already. Lisa pouted up at me. I frowned. She ignored the expression, continuing to speak. "I'm an artist, not a warrior, and I'm _little_."

"And I'm injured," I snapped, losing my patience. "You're an _artist_? I'm doing this with _one hand_. You'll never _get_ stronger if you _give up_ , or try and worm your way out of everything. Being little is no excuse, so kwitcherbellyakin."

Lisa stared, taken aback. I felt a little bad about snapping at her, but _just_ a little. She had to learn; while being pirates meant we were free, it didn't give us an excuse to be lazy. It was the opposite, in fact. And even if she didn't end up joining us, complaining never helped anybody. I sighed and extended a hand as a peace offering. "Look, I know it can be hard, but you need to learn to suck it up and work it out. Complaining just wastes energy better put into climbing or fighting."

"But it _hurts_." Lisa copied me, wrapping her legs around the rope to sit up and free her arms. She rubbed them, wincing as her delicate limbs shook. I sighed again.

"Yeah, I know it can hurt. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." How could I get her to put more effort in? I needed something inspiring… _That_ would do it. Too bad I couldn't sing worth beans. "Listen, whenever you feel like giving up, remember these words. They helped me through a difficult part of my training, so they might do the same for you."

Deep breath, and pray my raspy voice didn't butcher this too badly. "Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of angry men? It's the music of the people who will not be slaves again. When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums, there's a life about to start when tomorrow comes."

A pained expression crossed Lisa's face. She didn't say anything though. Nami, meanwhile, let out a strained laugh. "Well Jones, if she needs motivation, she can always imagine you're chasing her, singing."

I stuck my tongue out at the sailing master, but didn't respond. She was right, after all. But at least Lisa started moving when I did, and she didn't start complaining right away. Or even five minutes later.

Rough hemp wore at my knees as I climbed, tearing at the bandages on my legs. The nearly-healed raptor bites underneath put up a token protest, stinging in a way that I could only describe as _polite_ and _subdued_. Which was weird. But given my recent bout of laughing madness, and all the other things I'd been taking in stride the last couple months, politeness from my own injured body was pretty low on the totem pole of things I should worry about.

Climbing up the ropeway on hands and knees took a lot longer than coming down on a cantering reindeer. Rather than a few minutes, we were climbing for the better part of two hours. By the end, the bandages on my legs and my good arm had more or less all frayed off. While my hand was fine, my legs and forearm were developing shiny patches of raw, not-quite-bleeding skin. Not that I could feel them over the cold- as much as I was used to dealing with them, -20 temperatures still made my limbs numb and my fingers stiff. Especially on my broken arm, which wasn't moving.

When we got to the top, the first thing I saw was a flattened, battered battleground in front of the castle. Snow had been flung up everywhere, with patches of bare rock showing through. Some areas even looked scorched. I saw the unconscious form of Chessmarimo, still in his combined form, lying draped across a rock. A little blood dribbled from his nose.

The top of one of the towers was broken, shattered as if it had been punched by a giant fist. Hiriluk's flag- the Jolly Roger with the sakura petals- flapped on a stick that had been jammed between two pieces of broken brick. That same tower had a couple of windows blown out on the middle levels. Well, it was the largest tower in the castle. If the fighting had gone inside, there was a good chance some of it had taken place in there.

One half of the castle gate had also been ripped off its hinges. A huge bite appeared to have been taken out of it.

Lisa reached out to grab my hand as we walked into the castle. I was startled, too startled to pull away. Up on my shoulder, Ruatha wrapped his tail around my neck. Nami snapped her staff together as everyone entered, which prompted Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku to prepare _their_ weapons. Only Vivi looked calm, for reasons I couldn't understand. She hadn't seen Luffy in action the way we had; why was she so confident if those of us who were actually _on_ the crew were still paranoid?

There was no one in the main hall, so we headed up for the stairs. Only, just before we got there, a hand came out of a doorway and grabbed me by the ear. Johnny and Yosaku yelped into surprise as I was pulled to the side and slammed into a wall by… Ghin.

"And where were _you?_ ' Tabarnak. That was the mom voice- hadn't heard that in a while.

"Meep," was my eloquent reply. Ghin scowled. He was leaning on a crutch, heavily favouring his right foot. This didn't serve to make him any less intimidating. Which was… unusual. While I knew theoretically that he was _capable_ of being ruthless and scary, he'd never turned that on _me_ \- not even when we'd fought at the _Baratie_. I stared down at the stone, unable to meet Ghin's eye. He didn't seem to notice.

"You almost _died_ Jones! What were you _thinking_ , running off without even _telling_ us? Do you have any idea how worried Don Luffy was? How worried _I_ was?"

"Um…" I actually found myself gripping Lisa's hand harder. Ruatha cowered, trying to hide himself in my ponytail.

Glancing at Ghin's through my bangs revealed creased eyebrows and unusually sharp shadows cast by his headband. His eyes themselves were glowing a dim red, more subdued than ever happened to Nami or Sanji, but still there. And really, it was all the scarier for the fact that I'd never seen Ghin do _any_ of the strange biology things that plagued everyone else.

He released my ear. Strong arms wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close and sending a twinge of pain down my broken arm. Ghin was actually _shaking_ as he pulled me into his chest. I wanted to pull away- too close, couldn't move, couldn't _breathe_ \- but he was too much stronger than me. His voice cracked when he spoke again.

"Don't- don't do anything like that again. I've already lost one little sister- I can't lose you too." Wow, I must've scared him big time. Yeah, Ghin had some big brother tendencies, but this was _really_ out of character. I froze.

"Sorry…"

It took a long minute for Ghin to release me. And really, he only did so when Nami cleared her throat. "So… It looks like a war went on outside. What happened up here?"

"Up _here?_ " Ghin's eyes started turning red again. "What happened to _you?_ "

"Went to a hockey game, met some revolutionary contacts, and beat up a bunch of Wapol's men." I said quickly. Ghin looked like he was about to demand more details, but Nami stopped him with a raised eyebrow. Shooting me a look that said we would most _definitely_ be talking about this later, Ghin began his story.

X

 _Doctor Kureha burst into the room where the three men were sleeping, her face a mask of anger that would've cared a sea king shitless. "Where is she?"_

 _"Huh?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Where's who?"_

 _"Your little friend, the one who got bitten by a Tyrannosaurus." Kureha began searching under the beds- and none too gently at that. She was using a scalpel to poke around underneath. "I went to perform some tests and she was_ gone _. And my apprentice with her. If she's done anything to him…"_

 _"Don't worry about that, Madame. Jones would never hurt a child." Sanji went to light a cigarette, but a glare from Kureha stopped him in his tracks. Then the doctor looked hesitant for a moment before sighing._

 _"He's not_ just _a child," she said, her voice taking on a worried, bitter tone. "He's a reindeer that ate the Human-Human Fruit. His name is Chopper; he's… delicate. I'm not worried about his physical safety so much, but he has_ issues _with rejection… among other things."_

 _Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin all looked at each other. The rigger shook his head with a sigh, unable to help a small smirk that grew across his face. "Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Jones loves animals. If anything, you should be scared that Jones'll hijack your apprentice with cuddles."_

 _That only served to make Kureha glare harder. She reached out and grabbed Ghin by the neck, shoving him into a wall. "Don't joke about that! Giving Chopper false hope, after all he's been through…"_

 _Being held up by a woman was a new experience for Ghin, but the rigger wasn't too worried. He may have just learned how to read, but he knew doctors were bound by oath to protect life. Even the doctor on Krieg's crew had been reluctant to kill, and this woman was significantly less psychotic. "I'm not joking."_

 _Kureha huffed. "We'll see. And even if she_ doesn't _mean any harm, she still shouldn't have left her bed. She's in no condition to be running about, and I still have tests to run. Some of her vital signs are…_ off _. I need to find out why."_

 _Luffy scowled. "What does that mean? Is Jones still in danger?"_

 _"I don't know, dammit! She_ disappeared _before I could do the tests!" The irate doctor flicked a scalpel at the captain, tearing a nick out of his vest. "Now quit talking, and either help me find them, or keep out of my way."_

 _Ghin made for the door, limping, a coil of worry squirming in his gut. Kureha stopped him with a glare. "Oh, no, not you. You shouldn't be walking on that foot if you can avoid it; stay here."_

 _"Like Hell I will. Jones is like my little sister; if she's disappeared somewhere, I've gotta find her." The rigger scowled at the aging doctor. He half expected her to throw another scalpel, this time at him, or maybe slam him into a wall again. Instead, she sighed and growled._

 _"Fine. Here." Kureha threw a crutch at Ghin's head; he caught it just before it hit him. "Don't come crying to me if you injure yourself worse."_

 _"Wouldn't dream of it." Ghin began limping through the castle, trying to figure out where Jones could have gone. She was badly injured, so she couldn't have gotten far without help- no wonder Kureha was so sure her apprentice was with the girl. But where had they gone?_

 _Luffy and Sanji quickly caught up with him. The three of them began searching through nearby rooms, but there was no sign of Jones. Not even her hat. Slowly, they began widening their search, until they had looked through the whole castle. Or, all of it except one room that was firmly locked. Ghin was all for trying to force it open to see if Jones was on the other side, but Sanji stopped him by pointing out the dust around the base._

 _"Leave it War Dog. There's nothing in there. That door hasn't been disturbed in weeks, if not longer."_

 _Ghin groaned in frustration. "Well, if she's not in there, where_ is _she?"_

 _"Outside?" was Luffy's suggestion. Ghin looked over at his captain, who was staring out a window. As the pirates watched, a reindeer with a purple and black figure on its back bolted across the courtyard and into the distance, Kureha hot on its tail. The doctor appeared to be throwing everything she could find at the fleeing pair, which Ghin wasn't sure was necessarily the best way of getting them to stop running._

 _The three pirates ran down to the door, but by the time they got there, Kureha was already coming back. She was_ not _in a good mood, nor was she accompanied by Jones or the reindeer. When Sanji opened his mouth to question her, the doctor shot him a look colder than ice that made the cook shut up immediately. He even whimpered. Ghin, however wasn't so easily dissuaded._

 _"Where are they going? We need to go after them."_

 _"No!" Kureha snapped. Then she sighed. "No, I may not like it, but this is something Chopper needs. Your little friend appears to be taking him to Gyasta to see the hockey game. Such an event will either help his anxiety tremendously, or cement it forever. I just hope you're right about your Jones."_

 _Luffy gazed at the doctor, his face unusually serious. Not angry, just… serious. Which was unusual; by now Ghin was used to seeing what his captain was like during a_ fight _, but never when just_ talking _to someone. "You don't know Jones. She wouldn't hurt this Chopper guy, not like that; she has anx- anx- trouble with people too."_

 _Kureha sighed again and began polishing an alarmingly large collection of scalpels. "Maybe. Maybe your Jones girl isn't_ trying _to hurt Chopper. It doesn't mean she_ won't _. He's faced a lot of rejection. Even before he ate the Human-Human Fruit… Chopper has a blue nose, so he was always a bit of an outcast in the herd, and once he got his Devil Fruit, they drove him out altogether. So he tried to make friends with humans, since he it made him like one of us. But Chopper's human form doesn't look particularly_ human _, so the people thought he was a monster and shot at him, driving him off as surely as the reindeer herd did."_

 _"All except one. While Chopper was lying injured in the snow, he was found by a man named Hiriluk. Hiriluk claimed to be a doctor, and perhaps that was true in a way- he was certainly a decent chemist and possibly a doctor of that discipline- but beyond basic first-aid, he had next to nothing in the way of medical skills. But what Hiriluk_ did _have was a good heart. He earned Chopper's trust and took the reindeer home, nursing him back to health."_

 _"Chopper lived with Hiriluk for months. They worked together, doing their best to help the people of Drum Kingdom, since almost all doctors were forced to serve only Wapol. But Hiriluk was slowly dying of a chronic illness he'd contracted in his youth. As his time drew nearer, Hiriluk tried to drive Chopper away to spare him the agony of seeing one that had become family to him die. But Chopper wouldn't leave, and ended up finding out why Hiriluk was trying to scare him off."_

 _"He tried to find a way to cure Hiriluk's illness, but Chopper didn't have any_ real _medical experience back then. When looking for a miracle medicine, he accidentally chose a poison mushroom instead of a helpful one," here Kureha choked up for a second, "Because of all the stories Hiriluk used to tell him. Stories about pirate, and the skull and crossbones being a symbol of infinite possibility rather than_ death _."_

"Hmm, flashback inside a flashback," I mused when Ghin paused to take a breath. "Does that count as a Fourth Wall break inside a Fourth Wall break? For sixteen walls?"

Everyone stared at me. "What does that even _mean?_ " Nami demanded.

I shrugged, very quickly deciding that the answer to my own question was yes. A fourth Wall break inside a Fourth Wall break, with a reference and whatever _this_ was thrown in for good measure. Wade Wilson, eat your heart out. "Never mind; I'm just crazy. Continue."

 _"Touched by Chopper's concern for him, Hiriluk drank the mushroom tea, even though he knew it would only hasten his death. Almost immediately afterwards, news came that the doctors kept by Wapol were ill, and someone was needed to cure them. Hiriluk picked up his supplies and headed up to the castle to see if he could help… Only to find out that it was a trap. The doctors had never been sick; it was all a ruse by Wapol to capture Hiriluk and stop him treating the people of Drum Kingdom. But Hiriluk had expected that this might happen, although he still came just in case the tale of illness was true."_

 _"As Wapol's soldiers moved in to arrest him, Hiriluk raised a glass to toast- a glass of nitroglycerin. It's an explosive compound," Kureha explained when Luffy and Ghin stared in confusion. "With his glass held high, Hiriluk spoke of the importance of life, and warned Wapol that as long as he was remembered, he would not truly die. Then he drank. The good quack and several soldiers perished in the ensuing explosion."_

 _"What Hiriluk didn't realize was that Chopper had seen the whole exchange. The loss of the man he thought of as a father caused him to fly into a rage. He attacked the soldiers; they shot at him. Chopper was badly injured, and the soldiers left him for dead. I picked him up, brought him home, and I've been teaching him medicine ever since." Kureha sighed yet again. "He's an okay doctor, but he doesn't speak to people who aren't me, even if he likes to watch them. I'm worried, but I have no idea what to do. Nothing seems to help him."_

 _For a few long minutes, everything was silent. Then Luffy's eyes lit up like stars, a wide grin spreading across his face. "Chopper's a reindeer who can turn into a person_ and _he's a doctor? So cool! Can he join our crew?"_

 _Kureha stared into his eyes. This lasted long enough for both Sanji and Ghin to become uncomfortable and start fidgeting in place. Luffy's grin never wavered. Finally, the doctor huffed and chuckled. "Maybe… We'll see. There's something about you, kid. What did you say your name was again?"_

 _"Luffy. Monkey D Luffy."_

 _Kureha's frown turned into a wry smile. "Heh. You might just be able to do it then. The impossible is all in a day's work for the Will of D. Well, we'll see. You have to meet him first, when he gets back. And I hope for your sake that you're right about your Jones girl, because if you aren't… I'll remove your heart through your anus and shove it back down your throat."_

 _Sanji's jaw dropped at the threat; the cook made an abundance of little squeaking noises before pulling something out of his pocket and sticking it in his mouth. A lollipop. Ghin couldn't help but think how odd that looked in place of the usual cigarette, but since they_ were _in a hospital…_

 _Stunned silence filled the entry hall. Although it only lasted a few seconds; quiet crunching noises soon broke it up. They came from two different directions. Through the open door, the pirates saw a familiar large, unwieldly man approaching on the back of a fluffy white hippo. He was accompanied by a greasy afro man and a despondent archer dressed in green and turquoise checkers. Luffy glared. Kureha saw his expression and raised her eyebrow._

 _"So… You've met Wapol before, I take it?"_

 _"Yeah… He showed up when we were on our way here and started bossing us around and being an asshole." Luffy pounded his fists together as the pirates marched out the door. "I already wanted to sink him if I saw him again, and now…"_

 _It was only once the pirates were outdoors that they saw the source of the other set of footsteps. A young male reindeer came cantering around the side of the building, fluffy pink hat bouncing on his head. He came to a stop not far from Wapol, pawing at the ground and tossing his head. Then, in a maneuver that caused Luffy's eyes to light up with excitement even as he was still glowering at Wapol, the reindeer turned into an eight-foot-tall gorilla monster._

 _"Cool! You must be Chopper- hi!"_

 _"Eh? What? I mean-!"_

 _The reindeer was interrupted by an enraged shout from Wapol. "Gyah! How dare you peasants ignore my presence! You can't just exchange pleasantries in front of the king!"_

 _"Oh, shut up jackass," Sanji finished his lollipop and flicked the stick at Wapol. It bounced off the center of the king's forehead. "King or no king, not everything's about you."_

 _"Of course it is!" Wapol gestured violently. "Being king means I can do whatever I want! And what I want right now is my palace back! All you peasants have five seconds to be gone or I'll shoot!"_

 _"Like Hell!" Scalpels flew from where Kureha was standing in the doorway. They all missed Wapol, but the king squeaked and squealed as if they'd embedded themselves in his buttocks. It was actually kind of funny._

 _"Yo Boss," the man with the afro asked slowly, once Wapol was done squirming and cowering. "You want me'n Chess to take care of 'em?"_

 _"No, I want you to sit there and have a tea party," Wapol drawled. "Of course I want you to take care of them! How much of an idiot can you be, Kuromarimo? Hurt them, hurt them!"_

 _"With pleasure Boss. I was just makin' sure." The afro man moved forward with a curious shifting charge. Ghin and Sanji looked at each other, not even needing to speak. The cook stepped forwards and intercepted this first opponent with a kick._

 _"Keep dreaming, Shithead. We won't be scared off too easily."_

 _Kuromarimo smirked even as he was shoved backwards. "We'll see about that."_

 _A ball of black, curly, tangled fluff was left behind on Sanji's leg when the two separated. The cook shook his leg, but the fuzz wouldn't come off. He made a face and tried to wipe it off, only to have it stick to his hand instead. Shaking again yielded nothing but frustration; Sanji glared at Kuromarimo in disgust. "What the fuck is this?"_

 _"It's my hair, dude," Kuromarimo snickered. "What did you think it was? Nice and greasy… I brush and wash it as little as possible so it'll be good and sticky for when we get in a fight."_

 _"That's the most_ disgusting _tactic I've ever heard of," Sanji muttered. Kuromarimo just grinned._

 _"And it ain't just for grossin' people out either. Show 'em how we do it Chess! Give 'er!"_

 _"Alright." The archer raised his bow and fired a flaming arrow. It pierced through the hairball stuck to Sanji's hand, setting it alight. And the hair grease that the cook had scattered over himself by waving it around lit too, creating little dots of fire all over his suit._

 _Blinking in surprise, Sanji stopped, dropped to the ground, and rolled through the snow to put the fire out. He came up, scowling, in the afro man's face. "Nope. That's not impressive at all, still shitty and gross. And has one big flaw… If I stick close to you, no matter how many shitty hairballs you stick on me, your partner can't fire."_

 _Sanji proceeded to do just that, keeping close to Kuromarimo even when grappling with the boxer got him covered in sticky hair. Chess readied another arrow, but didn't immediately let fly for fear of hitting his friend- which angered Wapol. "What did I tell you, you morons? Hurt them, hurt them!"_

 _"But I might hit-!"_

 _"We can have the doctors fix him up after our glorious victory!"_

 _Twang! The arrow flew across the courtyard, aimed for Sanji's thigh. But by the time it reached its destination it was met with only air and snow, as the cook had moved, taking Kuromarimo with him. "Collier, Épaule, Côtelette, Selle, Poitrine, Gigot, Mouton Shot!" A flurry of kicks launched the boxer into the air, gave him a Charlie Horse, and slammed him back into the ground. Sanji came down hard on the afro man's back._

 _"Still think you can drive us off so easily?"_

 _The response was an arrow from Chess; Sanji deflected by kicking it into the air. The cook jumped over Kuromarimo's flattened, breathless form to kick the archer in the face. "Are you idiots_ serious? _I've seen more fight from uncooked takoyaki!"_

 _Chess and Kuromarimo groaned. Dragging themselves upright, they leaned on each other. Wapol turned red, steam coming out his ears as he glared at his henchmen. "You- you useless buffoons! How can you be beaten so easily?"_

 _And then, in a move that left Ghin shocked and disgusted, the king jumped down off his white walkie and_ ate _Chess and Kuromarimo. Jaws of steel and flesh distended wider than even Luffy's ever did, engulfing the two men in a single bite. Wapol chewed with a strange, wave-like motion that Ghin was fairly certain was no actual good for grinding up… he_ really _didn't want to call Chess and Kuromarimo food. But Wapol had teeth the size of some people's fists, so what did he know? Those chompers could probably grind up anything._

 _"Munch-Munch Factory!" Wapol swallowed twice, hiccoughed, and opened his mouth again, vomiting out… A tall, four-armed figure with two faces and mixed-up clothing._

 _"_ _ **OH YEAH!**_ _I'm all fired up now!" The bizarre figure bashed his fists together and let out a whoop. A few stomping, unbalanced steps shook the courtyard._

 _Sanji raised an eyebrow. "Hey… Aren't you two just sitting on each other's shoulders?"_

 _"How dare you!" The echoing, two-toned voice managed to express both indignation and despair. "With our powers thus combined, we're an unstoppable force, the strongest in the Drum Kingdom military! Marimo's Snow-Melting Arrows!"_

 _Two giant arrows tipped in flaming hairballs flew at Sanji. The cook fell back onto his hands, swinging up into a handstand and kicking one arrow into the other. This, somehow, caused an explosion. Twinned yells of shocked rage echoed from the stereo mouths as Chessmarimo pulled out four axes and swung at Sanji. "Snow-Splitting Blade!"_

 _"Too slow!" Sanji flipped back off his hands, axe-kicking the merged henchman in both faces as he went. He followed that up by spinning around and driving his knee into Chessmarimo's crotch. Hard. There was an audible- if faint- noise like an apple being crushed in someone's hand. All four of Chesmarimo's eyes rolled back in his heads as he let out a faint whimpering noise and keeled over backwards._

 _Ghin cringed in sympathy. That was… bloodthirsty. The rigger never would've expected Sanji to do_ that _to a fellow man._

 _Wapol sputtered angrily. "How- how- how dare you?!"_

 _"Because self-entitled asshat noble shitheads like you piss me off," Sanji snorted._

 _That made Wapol turn from red to an interesting shade of purple. The king's eyebrows twitched as he sputtered, until he finally remembered how to speak words. "You- you- ARGH! Munch-Munch Arm Cannon!"_

 _One of Wapol's arms turned into a cannon- and given the name of the technique, Ghin wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. The king began firing at Sanji, over and over and over… Snow flew upwards in little gouts as the cook repeatedly flipped out of the way- until one of Sanji's hands slipped on a patch of ice, throwing his timing off. The next cannonball slammed into his side as his timing faltered, firing the cook into the castle wall, where he landed in a heap with a groan._

 _Ghin limped over, his mother hen instincts taking over. He'd never had little brothers before- only sisters- but he was starting to think that way about the other Straw Hat men. Maybe. He'd never admit it, though. The rigger pulled out bandages as he knelt in the snow- not that he knew if they would help. Before he got a chance to find out, Kureha was beside him pushing him out of the way._

 _"Ow…" Sanji untangled himself and sat up, wincing. The doctor grabbed hold of him without ceremony and hiked his shirt up to check on his wounds, earning a pained yelp of protest._

 _"Cracked ribs," she huffed after a moment, "But nothing fully broken. As long as you don't move around too much, you should be alright."_

 _Wapol let out a triumphant shriek and fired another cannonball, this time aimed at the crouching doctor. Ghin pulled out one of his tonfa just in time, knocking the shell up in the air before it could do any harm. Seconds later, the king took an antlered missile to the stomach as that little blue-nosed reindeer- Chopper, Kureha called him Chopper- charged across the courtyard. Wapol flew backwards into a snowbank; Chopper stomped and snorted._

 _"Leave Doctrine alone!"_

 _"You!" Wapol spat as he got back to his feet. "You're that quack's little monster boy! So you finally stopped crying, eh? Finally got over the idiot's death?"_

 _"What did you say?" The reindeer lowered his head, pawing at the ground one more time before transforming with a sound like breaking bones. Up, up, up, until he was a towering figure of fur and muscle, like a gorilla with antlers. A heavy fist swung into Wapol's gut, throwing the king for a second time._

 _"DON'T TALK ABOUT THE DOCTOR THAT WAY!" Chopper sniffled and frowned, looking both pissed off and adorable. "He was a great man!"_

 _"A great man? More like a great screw-up. What kind of doctor can't even cure his own illness?" Wapol pointed at the reindeer with one hand, fingers in the shape of a gun. Which very quickly turned into a_ real _gun. "Munch-Munch Finger Gun!"_

 _Ghin was actually feeling embarrassed for this guy's pathetic technique names. Which probably meant he'd been spending too much time with Jones, since he knew he never would've noticed before. Hell, on his one attempt at naming his own techniques in the past, the men he was leading had laughed themselves into a coma._

 _Chopper changed shape again, turning into a small, teddy bear-like creature. The sudden shift made the hail of bullets Wapol was firing fly over his head. Wapol's reaction to this was… unexpected. As in, the king burst out laughing in a way that really made Ghin want to punch him in the face. Actually, he'd been wanting to punch Wapol again for a while, but something was holding him back._

 _"Maaaahahahahaha! You're an idiot! Showing your whole hand so early in a fight! Now that I've seen all three of your forms, defeating you will be no problem! But first…" Wapol raised his cannon arm and pointed it at the top of one of the towers. "First I need to remove_ that _eyesore from my castle!"_

 _Glancing up showed Ghin a flag that he hadn't seen when they first got to the castle- a fluttering Jolly Roger. It had pink flower petals scattered around the skull. It was nearly as cheerful and uplifting as the Straw Hat Jolly Roger Ghin had come to associate with_ home _._

 _Ker-chik._ _ **BOOM!**_

 _A cannonball flew, soaring over their heads. Chopper's eyes went wide; the little reindeer fell to his knees with a yell. He even had tears running down his muzzle._

 _"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

 _Two clouds of snow burst up, making it hard to see- one from the ground, and one from the roof of the flag tower. A line of blurred red and faint steam connected them. The air began to clear at ground level first, revealing that Luffy was just… gone._

 _Then a voice rang out from the sky. "Don't worry Chopper, it's safe! I'll protect it, so go ahead and kick this guy's ass!"_

 _Everyone froze, staring up at the tower. As the snow cleared, it revealed a broken mess of shingles and shattered stone. Atop this stood Luffy, the coat he was wearing covered in soot and burn marks, with tears in the edges. He held the flag in one hand, swinging it by its broken pole. Then the young captain stabbed the broken flagpole into a gap between two stones, standing beside it with his arms folded as he glared down at Wapol._

 _Chopper's eyes turned into stars before he turned back to Wapol. The little reindeer frowned at the king and reached into his pocket, pulling out what appeared to be a large golden candy. "If you think I've already shown my whole hand, you've got another thing coming! Rumble!"_

 _The reindeer ate his candy with a dramatic crunch. Wapol didn't look impressed, raising his finger gun in Chopper's direction again, only to freeze in surprise when the reindeer transformed, this time into a tall, leggy version of himself that immediately jumped several meters into the air._

 _"Jump Point!"_

 _"What?!" Wapol fell back on his ass without Chopper having had to touch him yet. "Nut- but zoan users only have three forms!"_

 _"My research bypasses that," Chopper said quietly as he reached the apex of his jump. "With the help of my rumble balls, a zoan user can access_ seven _forms. Arm Point!"_

 _This time it was the reindeer's arms that bulked up. He fell towards Wapol, spinning twice before punching his hooves into the speechless king with two rapid-fire movements. "Cloven Cross!"_

 _Hoof-shaped bruises bloomed on the side of Wapol's face. The king let out a shriek of outrage and began firing both his weapons at once. Cannonballs and bullets flew everywhere, although none got a direct hit. Plenty of grazes, sure- Ghin got a sharp, stinging line along one cheek, and he didn't want to know what all the little nicks Chopper was picking up felt like. It looked like someone had tried petting him with sandpaper._

 _"Walk Point!" Shifting back into his regular reindeer form, Chopper charged in and bucked, kicking Wapol into the air. A cannonball crashed into the snow beside the reindeer, showering him with shards of ice and stone._

 _"MUNCH!" Wapol bit Chopper on the rump as he came down. The reindeer bucked again. Twisting free, he shifted into his little teddy bear form and rolled away across the courtyard, coming to his feet with a grunt. Two hooves clicked together, forming a circle in front of his eye._

 _"Scope!" The world froze for a second. Then Wapol charged forwards again, mouth gaping wide. Chopper shifted again, striking as he did so._

 _"Arm Point! Cloven Cross!" Hooves struck the back of Wapol's throat, sending him rolling and choking. The king landed upside down with a crunch. He didn't move for a long minute._

 _Springing back into his little teddy bear form, Chopper fell to his knees and started panting. The reindeer was sweating, his eyes spinning. He looked like he was going to vomit. But at the same time, he looked so proud. "Did you see that, Doctor?" Chopper whispered, staring up at the sky._

 _Luffy bounced down with a spring and smack, a wave of snow splashing up around him. The captain clapped Chopper on the shoulder with a proud smile. "Shishishishi! That was so cool little reindeer guy!" Luffy ruffled the reindeer's fur. "Hey- you're Chopper, right? That means you're a doctor. Ne… Join my crew?"_

 _The reindeer turned to Luffy with a look of confusion. "You… you want me on your crew? But- but I'm a monster…"_

 _"So what?" Luffy picked his nose with his free hand. "People used to call me and my brothers monster children all the time, and Zoro used to be called a demon. Names like that just mean you're strong- strong enough to protect your home and friends."_

 _"Yeah…" Chopper's face morphed into an expression of dazed hope._

 _Whatever he was thinking was interrupted a moment later when Wapol groaned and rolled to his feet. The king was steaming, enraged, every inch of his skin a brilliant shade of puce. "You- you insolent peasants! How dare you! You- you'll pay for this! Just you wait until I get_ it! _"_

 _Faster than anyone could react, Wapol bulled past all though assembled and into the castle. Luffy took off immediately afterwards. The rest of those present, wounded and slow, were left in the dark for a few minutes. Loud crashing and banging sounded from inside the castle. Windows shattered occasionally, accompanied by glimpses of either Wapol or Luffy as they tried to throw each other out of the towers. A few minutes of this were followed by silence, then rapid, incoherent yelling. More glass shattered; Wapol flew out of a window, flying over the island in a ballistic arc, disappearing over the horizon with a shriek. Light flashed off his metallic chin as he vanished from sight._

X

Ghin shrugged. "Since then, things've been… not quiet, but… Okay, yeah, pretty quiet. Kureha checked Chopper and Don Luffy out, then disappeared. Chopper's been hiding from Sanji- Shit Cook made some joke about venison and he took it too seriously. Meanwhile Don Luffy locked himself into a spare room and seems to be practicing something that he doesn't want anyone else to see. Since no one needed me for anything, I decided I'd go out and start looking for _you_ , since you didn't come back with Chopper."

"Sorry…" I winced. "I sent Chopper on ahead for… reasons. That fight with Wapol… It was something he needed to do. Is he alright?"

"Like I said, looked like someone had tried to pet him while wearing a glove made of sandpaper." Ghin poked me in the forehead. "Now, _you_ \- wait a second. What are you wearing?"

I glanced down at my attire. "Um… These are some of Doctor Kureha's things. My clothes got wrecked, and so when Chopper and I decided to go out, he went and found me these."

"You- you. Urgh. How could you go out in that in _this_ weather? Canadian or not- whatever that means- I'm amazed you didn't freeze already. Come on; let's go get you changed." Ghin grabbed me by the shoulder and began dragging me along- bringing Lisa with us by default, as she was still holding my hand. I squawked in disbelief.

"Changed into _what?_ "

" _Anything_ with sleeves and decent pants. I _think_ I have some of your clothes with me, but my jacket's still up in the room, so I'm not sure. And speaking of clothes… You need to go shopping. Most of your socks have holes in them, and you go through shirts even faster than _Zoro_."

What the-? Johnny and Yosaku were _right_?! My mouth fell open with a hiss; I couldn't decide if this was more embarrassing because the hunters were right and I was wrong, or because Ghin _actually carried spare clothes around for me_ like I was some toddler. My honorary big brother pulled me up the stairs, oblivious to my internal conflict. Everyone else followed mutely after us.

Up, up, up, up, up the stairs we went, until Ghin led us off onto a landing and into one of many rooms. I recognized the place- it was the same floor I'd escaped from with Chopper not so long ago. Faint humming emerged from the room Ghin was pulling me in to; once I crossed the threshold I could see Sanji at the window, toying with an unlit cigarette. Ghin promptly dropped me on one of the beds in favour of grabbing the cook and shoving him out the door. Sanji yelped in protest.

"OI! What gives, shitty War Dog?"

"Out! Jones needs different clothes." Dimly glowing red eyes turned on Johnny and Yosaku. "Thing Blue, Thing Green, keep the shit cook from peeking."

"Yes sir!" the hunters squeaked in unison, saluting. Each grabbed one of Sanji's arms; they frog-marched him away, babbling incoherently. Vivi stared, Nami rolled her eyes, and Lisa giggled.

Usopp gulped nervously and refused to meet Ghin's gaze. "I'lljustgowiththem,shallI? Bye!" The gunner took off after the rest of the departing men, his shoes skidding on the floor.

"I can get changed on my own, you know," I protested as Ghin began rifling through the pockets of his jac- GODS ABOVE AND BELOW, HOW DID ALL THAT FIT IN THERE?! My jaw dropped fully this time, eyes going wide as I saw everything Ghin was pulling out of his pockets. Bandages, rags, weapons polish, matches, a deck of playing cards… and a full outfit in familiar purple and black. I rubbed closed my eyes and rubbed my temples in disbelief.

"By Natrimpe's sweet waters, _why_ are you carrying around some of my _clothes_?"

Shrugging, Ghin tossed the pile of fabric at me and put everything else back in his pockets. "I don't usually," he told me as he slipped his jacket on, "But I figured after what happened on Little Garden, the ones you were wearing were probably ruined. So I brought these for when you woke up."

Maudit, there was nothing I could say to that, was there? It was perfectly logical. So I focused my protests on Ghin's actual attempts to un- and re-dress me, as if I was some child who couldn't do it themselves. Those protests were short lived, though my embarrassment was not. Because, well, I _couldn't_ do it myself. My broken arm got in the way, and my other injuries made me too stiff and clumsy; Chopper had helped before. My face turned red as a strawberry when I finally submitted to the humiliation. Nami, Lisa… even Vivi was left giggling. Ruatha _trumpeted_ with unfamiliar draconic laughter.

"Your deaths will be slow and painful," I promised, glaring at everyone around me. The girls and my dragon just laughed harder; Ghin smirked and poked me in the forehead.

"Good luck with that."

"Why you-!" The rigger stepped out of the way of my clumsy attack, sending me skidding past him and into the hallway as I fought to regain my balance. I had just caught myself, spinning for another- likely futile- attempt at tackling Ghin, when something large and hairy charged past, shoving me into a wall.

"I don't know you! Leave me alone!" Hooves clattered on the floor as the hairy thing cantered away down the stairs. Chopper.

A red streak and the sound of slapping sandals followed him. "But you're cool! Join my crew!"

"We've barely said two words to one another! I- I- Back off or I'll sic the hockey players on you!"

"Hockey players? Are they some kind of army? You have an _army_? Cool! But I have a Jones! Animals love Jones, and you're a reindeer, so you _have_ to come with us!"

" _That's not how that works!_ "

"Oww…" I pried my face out of the cracks in the wall and turned back towards Ghin. _Again_. Tackle of vengeance, take three. Only… Before I could move, the sound of heeled boots clicking down the hall made my blood run cold.

" _There you are_."

 _Tabarnak_. Kureha. A scalpel pinged off the stone near my head. That wasn't what scared me though. No, what scared me was the aura of pure, unadulterated _rage_ coming off the doctor in waves. I could practically _taste_ her anger with every breath. It wasn't like Haoshoku Haki- I could still see and move- but in some ways, I think it was worse.

"I _told you_ , patients leave my care when they are _cured_ , or when they are _dead_. And what did you do? You took off _before I was done running tests_ , kidnapped my apprentice and put dreams of _being a hockey player_ into his head, got into a fight _before I'd even made sure you were alright_ …" Kureha's eyes burned the brightest red I'd ever seen. Her hands were full of scalpels- more, I was sure, than I could dodge or block.

Well, in this situation there was only one thing I could do. I reached up with my good hand to make sure Ruatha was firmly secured on my shoulder. "Hang on, Bud. We're gonna use the Sir Robin maneuver."

"Fos?"

 _Brave Sir Robin ran away! Bravely ran away, away! When danger reared its ugly head_

 _he bravely turned his tail and fled! Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and gallantly he chickened out! Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat! Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!_ I spun on my heel and took off after Luffy and Chopper- or at least, insofar as I could. It was more of a swift limp than a run. But I must have managed a _very_ swift limp indeed, seeing as I was actually able to get a bit of a lead on Kureha. Not enough to be out of range of all her thrown scalpels, but still… I'd take what I could get.

And yes, I know I've said before that I hate running from a fight. That statement still stands. This, however, was not a fight. This was a psychotic old woman who looked like she wanted to dissect me. There's a difference.

Tripping down the stairs in my haste, I staggered down a random hallway and threw myself into the first door I saw. Chopper was there. The reindeer backed up with a snort when I came charging in, only to relax when he realized it was just me. "Oh, hi Jones. Sorry; I though you were Luffy."

"It's fine." I waved him off. " _I'm_ the one who's sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

Footsteps outside, coming from two separate directions. I tensed; Chopper flattened his ears against his skull. Ruatha crooned.

"Need some help?" Chopper asked, bending one knee so I could get on his shoulders. I did so as quickly as I could, burying my hands in thick fur.

"Thanks."

The door burst open, banging off stone. Both Luffy and Kureha stood in the opening, glaring at me while simultaneously sending soft looks Chopper's way. No, I don't know how that was possible. Although Luffy's "soft" look, while it was certainly such for him, on most people would've been called an eager smile. Kureha slowly put her arsenal of scalpels away.

"Excellent work Chopper. Take her back to the examination room so we can finish running those tests."

"Nu-uh." Luffy shook his head and stepped in front of Kureha, waving his arms. "Bring her to me- captain's orders. Me'n jones need to _talk_ about something." The way my captain clenched his fist on the word talk was _not_ encouraging.

Chopper glanced from one to the other, then up at me. I tensed, ready to roll off and escape on my own; I do _not_ like hospital tests. And I probably didn't want to have whatever _talk_ with Luffy right now either, even if I didn't know what it was. But Chopper didn't try to deliver me to either aggressor. Instead, the reindeer bunched his legs under him, eyes shining with determination. Hooves tapped on stone as he raced for the door at top speed, then _leapt_ … Luffy and Kureha watched with confused awe as Chopper and I soared over their heads before landing in the hallway with a clatter. I nearly brained myself on the top of the arched doorway, as did Ruatha.

Doctor and captain blinked in confusion for a few precious seconds, allowing us time to get away. I leaned low over Chopper's neck and held on tight as the reindeer charged through the castle. "Sesehihihihihi! You'll never take us alive!"

"Wha-? Chopper, bring her back here right now!"

"Hey, Reindeer Guy, come back! Join my crew!"

"I'm not done with you, you little-!"

" _ **JONES!**_ "

Slapping sandals and clicking boots were soon hot on our tail. I wasn't surprised- _Luffy_ being able to outrun a reindeer was expected, at the very least. Especially since, when Chopper ran down the stairs to get to the ground floor, the rubber boy just dropped over the rail. "Come on Reindeer Guy! If you join my crew… I'll give you 1% of my meat!"

Luffy offering to share food? He must _really_ want Chopper on the crew. I was glad to know my interference hadn't prevented the little doctor being recruited at least. Chopper spun on a dime, taking a detour through the kitchen in the hopes that it would distract the rubber captain. It worked, to an extent; Luffy paused in his pursuit for roughly thirty seconds, opening the fridge and downing something he found inside with a hum of "Mmm, leftovers."

And of all the things I'd seen since coming to this world, that was probably the most surprising. Not that Luffy would swallow an entire container of random food in a strange castle- that was par for the course with him- but that he was _familiar_ with the concept of _leftovers_. How could they have possibly existed on an island that contained both _him_ and _Ace_?

I put that question aside as Chopper and I burst out of the kitchen and scalpels flew over our heads.

Kureha was blocking the stairs; we needed something to distract her. Let's see, what have I gots in my pocketses… I began digging around in my utility belt, although most of the items I'd purchased in Loguetown weren't particularly suited to nonlethal distraction and incapacitation. Except maybe… No, I shouldn't scatter marbles and caltrops around the castle. Someone else might step on them, or I could lose some, and I would need them all later. Probably. Although with the way things were changing, it was hard to tell. But maybe I could get a similar reaction using my powers. My toes brushed the floor while riding Chopper, after all. But… Tabarnak, if I started absorbing all the friction in the area, Chopper wouldn't be able to run either.

 _Clip-clop!_ The reindeer took the decision out of my hands by leaping over Kureha's head again. I don't know how he managed to land without hurting himself on the stairs, but he did, and began cantering up. Kureha's outraged yell followed us as Chopper bolted down a hallway and into a storage closet. The reindeer panted and trembled once we were out of sight; I dismounted and patted his neck.

"You okay Choppy?"

"Yeah…"

"We can split up, if you like. It might make avoiding them easier." I rubbed behind one of Chopper's ears; he leaned into my hand with a smile.

"No, it's okay. I'll be alright, really. Carrying you is easier than pulling Doctorine's sleigh."

Out of nowhere, my heart sank as I mentally revised my earlier conclusion about recruitment. After all, the little doctor was running away from my captain. "Choppy… Why're you trying to keep away from Luffy? Do you not want to join our crew?"

Dark brown eyes stared at the floor; Chopper pawed nervously. "I- I don't know. I mean, I _like_ you guys, and the idea that you _want_ me to come with you… And I could be a _pirate_ , like in the stories Doctor Hiriluk used to tell me. But… Drum Kingdom is my home. Doctorine… This castle… These mountains… It's all I've ever known. Sorry…"

"Oh dear…" I wrapped my arm around Chopper's neck and hugged as tight as my wounded state would allow. "You have nothing to apologize for, little one. Believe it or not, I know exactly how you feel."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Shortly before joining this crew, I was taken away from everything I'd ever known by my own desperate actions." I sighed heavily. "I was trying to escape the bad memories, and didn't realize until later- much later- that I had left behind some things I loved too."

Chopper raised his head to stare up at me, watery eyes shining. "Was- was it worth it?"

I thought for a long moment. About the anxiety of seeing new people and places every time I stepped off the ship, about the desperate need to train so I wasn't a dead weight, about all the dinosaurs that had tried to eat me… Then I though about the smile on Luffy's face the first time I opened up enough to play tag with him and Usopp. Ruatha's cheerful chirps that woke me up in the mornings. Sanji's cooking and Ghin's brotherly- if overbearing- attentions. The little thrills I got every time I fought, or pulled some crazy stunt, or used my Force-Force powers. _Riding_ a _dinosaur_. A grin grew across my face, two-thirds crazy, one-third kind.

"Yes. One hundred and twelve percent, yes."

Chopper's face lit up with what I could only call hopeful delight. Which meant I just needed to add one more thing to make sure recruitment was guaranteed. "You know… Only someone who's _seen_ all the diseases the world has to offer could hope to cure them all."

Fluffy ears twitched; the reindeer let out a squeaky gasp of awe. "How… You know my _dream?_ "

"Of course I do," I chuckled. "I'm a witch, after all; why wouldn't my magic extend to dreams?"

"So cool…"

The door of the storage closet burst open at that moment, revealing an irate Kureha. Luffy was pounding down the hallway behind her. Nowhere left to run, nowhere left to hide… I stumbled in surprise, automatically placing myself between Chopper and the people chasing us. With no other entrances though, there was only one thing to do…

"Haaaaaaaah!" I charged at Luffy and Kureha, waving my good arm as if I were holding a torch over my head. The doctor froze in confusion, while my captain yelped and turned tail. Which led to an interesting bit where Chopper and I were chasing _him_ through the castle, despite Luffy's desire to catch _us_. It took him ten minutes to catch on and skid to a halt.

"Wait… This isn't right. Gum-Gum Rocket!" Luffy spun around and shot towards me and Chopper, using a doorway for propulsion.

"Eek!" The reindeer scooped me back onto his shoulders without prompting and scampered away. Not that it did any good. Half a second later, a fast flying mass of rubber crashed into us. A reindeer, a dragon, a rubber boy, and a karate-ka rolled down the hall in a tangled mess.

It almost sounded like the beginning of a bad joke.

"Oof!" We bowled Johnny and Yosaku over as we quite literally ran into everyone else. Chopper squeaked upon seeing Sanji and popped into his tiny hybrid form; I held the doctor like a teddy bear as I regained my feet. Luffy beamed.

"Shishishishishi! Hi guys! What're you doing here?"

"Trying to figure out what's behind this door," Nami said absently as she examined a locking mechanism. I blinked at the massive construction.

"Oh. That's the castle armoury," I explained. "If it's still locked at this point… Luffy, did you happen to get a key off Wapol before punting him away?"

"Nope!" My captain practically sang his cheerfully oblivious denial.

"Well, then I guess we can't ge-!"

 _Ka-chik!_

"I'm in," Nami informed everyone, slipping a set of lock picks back into her pocket. Everyone stared. Vivi seemed especially shocked.

"But- but that was a Pandoran Master Lock," the princess said weakly. "The same kind as used on royal treasuries the world over."

"That piece of junk?" Nami snorted. "I've seen harder locks on a cook's spice box. When we get you back to Alabasta, you might want to upgrade if you use _these_."

"Yeah…" Vivi shook her head, still in a bit of a daze.

I whistled as we all walked into the armoury, unable to help myself. That was an _impressive_ collection of firepower. The walls were hung with muskets and pistols of all sorts, like some sort of military hoarder's den; crates upon crates of ammunition were stacked on the floor. All in all, it was enough to arm a small country and keep them fighting for three years straight. And the centerpiece was the cannon. Rising from the floor like something from a Jules Verne novel, it towered over my head, its mouth nearly as wide as I was tall. Steel gleamed dully in the light; the great gun's muzzle pointed at the armoury's sole window. Massive shells were stacked around it, each weighing more than a tonne.

"Chirp chirrup! Tweetweetweetweetwee!"

The sound of birds made me look up. Perched atop the enormous gun was a little bird's nest, barely visible against the dull steel. Three little white heads poked out, chirping loudly. As I watched, an adult flew in the window and delivered food to the eager hatchlings. They were so cute. Ruatha blinked up at the birds, then turned and looked at me with his mouth gaping open. I tapped him on the snout with one finger.

"No, I don't have anything for you. You can wait."

My dragon huffed and closed his mouth. Chopper giggled, clapping his hooves over his muzzle in an attempt to stifle the noise. It didn't work. Suddenly reminded of the reindeer's presence, Luffy turned to us with shining eyes.

"Hey Reindeer Guy! Join my crew!"

Chopper tensed in my arm, then stared determinedly at Luffy. I could feel him trembling; the doctor wanted to join us, but he was still scared. "Why?" he asked. "Why do you want me? I'm just a little blue-nosed reindeer- a freak."

"I like blue," Luffy said bluntly. "It reminds me of my brother. Being different doesn't make you a freak; it makes you cool. And you're _really_ cool. I mean, you're a transforming reindeer who talks! And you're a _doctor_."

Tears welled up at the corners of Chopper's eyes; the reindeer sniffled. He tried to say something, but no words came out. He was overwhelmed. I undid my bandanna and offered it to him to dry his eyes. Everyone else watched quietly. Johnny and Yosaku looked like they might cry themselves at any moment. Sanji huffed; Ghin reached over to poke Chopper's forehead. The rigger smirked at the doctor's mystified reaction.

"Your answer?"

Reaching up with one hoof, Chopper rubbed where Ghin had poked. The reindeer was smiling now, so wide it looked painful. Even more tears leaved from his eyes. "I- I- _YES!_ I'll come with you! I want to see all the places Doctor Hiriluk told me about, to find the land of cherry blossoms where everything is possible! I want to travel the world and find a cure for every disease! I want to be a _pirate_!"

Usopp started applauding at that declaration; Lisa, Johnny, and Yosaku soon joined him. Nami and Ghin smiled, while Vivi looked confused and vaguely amused- the princess wasn't sure quite what was going on, but she seemed to be happy for us. Ruatha crooned and licked Chopper's head. As for Luffy? He _beamed_.

"Great!" The captain bounced over to hug Chopper, which caused him to wrap his arms around _me_ as well, since I was still holding the little doctor. "Welcome to the family! Oh, I can't wait for you to meet Zorro- and _Merry_!"

I pulled away, leaving Chopper in Luffy's enthusiastic embrace. Taking a few steps back, though, I soon met something solid and warm. Except despite the warmth, there was something about it that sent shivers of _ice_ up my spine. I froze when a voice sounded above my head.

" _Ahem_."

"Meep." I staggered away from Kureha and hid behind Ghin. No tests please! We needed to get to Alabasta! I had to check in with the Revolutionaries! Needles were scary! Thankfully, Ghin seemed to accept his role as my human shield for the moment- although he did wrap an arm around my shoulders and draw me closer to him. It was uncomfortable, but not enough so that I was tempted to pull away and risk capture.

" _You_ need to come with _me_." Kureha reached for me anyways, undeterred by Ghin's presence. She was blocked before she could touch me by a towering deer-man; Chopper had jumped out of Luffy's arms, transforming with a boney crunch.

"I'll do the tests Doctorine. You don't need to worry about it."

"What?" Kureha froze, stunned. Chopper fiddled nervously with his thumbs.

"After all," he continued, "If I'm gonna be the doctor for the Straw Hat crew, I should know their medical backgrounds firsthand."

" _Firsthand?_ " Kureha drummed the arm that was reaching for me as she stared at the reindeer. "What do you mean, Chopper? Or did I mishear you?"

"No, you heard me right." Chopper bit his lip and clenched his fists at his sides, steadying his gaze to meet Kureha's eyes. "I- I'm going to go with them. They need a doctor- that's why they had to come here- and they make me feel… They _want_ me. They don't care that my nose is blue, or that I can talk. They don't think I'm a monster."

To my surprise, Vivi piped up before Kureha could answer. "For what it's worth, Mr Deer, I don't think the people down at the hockey game thought you were a monster."

"Really?" Chopper's eyes glowed. He turned momentarily away from Kureha to look at the princess. Vivi nodded.

"Yes. They seemed to like you, especially the walking fashion disaster."

Ears perking up, Chopper glanced at Luffy and opened his mouth. The captain responded before the reindeer could say anything. "Shishishishishi! We can visit them on our way back to the _Merry_ , if you want."

"Thank you…" Chopper turned back to Kureha with tears in his eyes. "I… This is what I want to do. I can learn so much… Please…"

The older doctor snorted and scowled. "You don't need my permission, brat. Go ahead, do whatever you want. It's one less thing for me to worry about- two, if you take over the dinosaur chew toy's treatment." As much as she wanted to sound indifferent and grumpy, Kureha's voice wavered, thick with emotion.

Chopper definitely heard it- for all she was trying to conceal things, Kureha was an open book. The reindeer stepped forward cautiously, as if uncertain of his reception, and hugged the elderly doctor. She returned the embrace with surprising force. The two spoke quietly. Their words were still audible to all, but I doubted any of my crew mates understood them.

"Tu me manqueras, Doctorine. Mais… Je dois le faire." Chopper shrank down into his small form, still hugging Kureha tight. She nodded and pressed her forehead against his.

"D'accord. Voyage avec les pirates. Mais, n'oublie pas de revenir. Et telephone-moi quand tu as le temps; je veux savoir ce que tu faites. Je t'aime, petit Chopper."

"Je t'aime aussi… Maman." Chopper nuzzled Kureha's cheek. The pair released each other, with the reindeer dropping to the ground. He landed in his full deer form. "I'll, um, just go to my room and get my things, then."

"Make sure you pack enough underwear," Kureha told him gruffly. Chopper nodded and took off. Once he was out of earshot, the elderly doctor turned on the rest of us with a glare. A single scalpel glinted in the light.

"Now, let me make this clear, pirates. You protected us from Wapol, so you have my thanks, and you've managed to get Chopper to like and trust you. Now, you seem like nice enough brats, but if you hurt him…" Kureha's eyes flashed red as she brandished her scalpel under Luffy's nose. "I will remove your brain through your nose and shove it so far up your arse you can taste it, then cut out your internal organs and pickle them in sulphuric acid."

X

We went down the Gyasta ropeway, passing through that town before heading for Bighorn and the _Going Merry_. Ghin refused to let me walk on my own, instead carrying me piggyback. I wanted to protest, but, well, now that the adrenaline from _everything_ was had worn off and Lisa's paint was fading, I was _exhausted_. Every part of my body ached, and my legs were starting to tremble. Despite my distaste for being manhandled, I found myself relaxing on Ghin's back, eyelids heavy as I drifted in and out of consciousness.

When we got to the bottom of the ropeway, Draper and several of the Leafs were there waiting for us. The obnoxiously dressed man reached out and ruffled Chopper's fur. Red suffused the reindeer's cheeks; he shrank into himself as if trying to hide in his own backpack. "Petting me won't make me happy, bastard!"

"Sure, sure, whatever you say." Draper waved his hand dismissively, although he _did_ stop petting Chopper. Instead, the hockey announcer handed the little doctor what could only be described as a gift bag. It was made of shiny blue wrapping. Chopper accepted the bag cautiously, his nose twitching as he tried to sniff out what was inside. Draper laughed.

"Ehohohohoho! You don't need to be so worried, little guy. It's just a little thing I put together for you quick-like." Draper shrugged and grinned. "Larry called up to the castle a bit ago to make sure you kids were alright and find out what happened. She said you were leaving and I though, it's a damn shame he's going away when he barely got a chance to taste what life in Drum Kingdom's supposed to be like. So I figured I'd put this together for you, so you'd have something to remember your home."

Ears perked up with interest, Chopper peered into the bag. My curiosity demanded that I look over his shoulder to the best of my ability, even though at this point all I really wanted was to go to sleep. I couldn't yet though. Not until I saw the snow sakura bloom. The gift bag contained a wadded-up ball of fabric that looked like a blue and white jersey, several children's books, and a hockey puck. Chopper beamed and looked up at Draper with tears in his eyes.

"Th-thank you so much!" It seemed to be all Chopper could do to avoid hugging the hockey announcer. Draper grinned.

"And there's one more thing too. Here…" The gaudy man scribbled something on a piece of paper and shoved that into Chopper's bag as well. "Can't have you missing a hockey game, now can we? That there's my snail number; call me up anytime for a recap of the latest game. Or you could give me _your_ snail number, so I can call you _during_ games to give you a live play-by-play."

For a moment Chopper looked very excited, but he quickly switched to drooping with disappointment. "But I don't have a den-den mushi…"

"Mmm… You can borrow Samsung," I offered sleepily. The sound of its name made my snail poke its eyestalks out of the pocket it lived in. Chopper perked up immediately.

"Really?"

"Of course. Can't have you missing out on hockey, eh? And you need to keep in touch with Kureha too."

That made the reindeer jump. "You understood that?"

"Sure did."

Draper looked at us with amusement. "Where'd you come from girl? I've never seen you before, but you sound and act like a Drum native. And what's the number of that little snail of yours?"

"Name's Jones; I'm from a place called Canada that's a lot like Drum Kingdom. Even has a hockey team called the Leafs." There. That should be vague enough that the Drum Islanders would suspect Canada was another island on the Grand Line. "And the number's (705) 671-7171."

"Not even long distance," Draper chuckled, writing it down. "Alright, I'll call you up next time there's a big game. Take care, eh?" Before Chopper or I could protest, the hockey announcer shoved our hats back and ruffled our hair.

Luffy grinned at the display. "Shishishishishi! You're a funny guy- I like your suit."

" _No_." Nami grabbed the captain by one ear and started dragging him away. "We put up with a lot from you, but _no way_ are you taking fashion advice from _that_."

"But he's cool!" Luffy's protests were ignored. One by one, the rest of us followed the sailing master and the captain, with Ghin and I the last to depart. The rigger nodded at Draper with a small smile before we left.

"Thanks. I don't know Chopper well yet, but he's got a sad story. Your gift meant a lot to him."

"Don't worry about it." Draper waved us away. "He's a good kid; he deserves a little kindness. And no one should have to live without access to the best game you can name."

Shaking his head, Ghin trotted to catch up with the rest of the group. For some time we all walked on in silence, aside from the sound of feet and hooves crunching through the snow. Warm sun shone down on us- or at least, relatively warm. It felt nice, at least. The combination of cold air and warm sun actually made me even sleepier. I think I actually _did_ doze for a little while, as what I recall of the trip from Gyasta to Bighorn was much shorter than I thought it was supposed to be.

Upon arriving at Bighorn, we were met by Dalton and Gold Star, the former with one arm in a sling. The mayor and the Revolutionary seemed uneasy in each other's company, but not in a distrustful way. I couldn't really understand it. Behind them, I could see twelve plainclothes Revolutionaries and a number of Drum Island militia surrounding a tall, thin man. He was dressed like a dandy or a musketeer, although with a domino mask instead of a frilly hat. His pink hair was cropped into a rough mushroom cut, and his face was adorned with a pouty scowl. Kairoseki chains hung from his wrists and ankles, keeping him subdued; there were bandages wrapped roughly around his shoulder and both legs, all stained with blood. I frowned, suddenly wide awake.

"Who's that?" I didn't remember ever seeing that man in the manga or anime.

"That's what I need to talk to you about," Gold Star said, coming to a halt in front of my crew mates. "His name's Musshuru; intelligence says he's king Wapol's older brother, banished to the Land of Fire after an unnamed Devil Fruit incident. Due to his interference, we were unable to intercept Wapol and prevent him from getting to the castle- Musshuru poisoned one of my men and several civilians, so tending to them was my first priority once he'd been detained."

I flinched. "Any casualties?"

"No. Thankfully, we were able to administer antidotes to all affected before their state became irreversible." Gold Star sighed and shook his head. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry Wapol got past us."

Luffy butted in before I could reply. "It's fine. I dunno what you're talking about, but me'n Chopper kicked Wapol's ass."

Gold Star shot my captain an appraising look, then nodded. "Alright then. That's good. I'll put that in my report to Blue Drake. Guess you didn't really need our help."

"I wouldn't say that…" My eyes drifted to the bound- and gagged, I saw now that I was looking closer- Musshuru. Without having seen him before, I had no idea how much of a threat he would've been. Although if his Devil Fruit was something to do with poison, the threat level was probably fairly high.

Usopp squinted at the captive man and cocked his head to the side. "So… What're you gonna do with that guy?"

"Send him back to the main base for questioning," Gold Star shrugged. "I don't think he'll know much that's useful, but you never know. And it keeps a dangerous blighter like him off the seas, at the very least. I don't like the idea of leaving him loose where he could cause problems and hurt innocent people with those spores of his."

Vivi was a bit pale; Nami reached out and brushed the princess' hand. "You alright Vivi?"

"Yeah… Just- Trust me, we dodged a bullet." The princess offered no elaboration as she stared at Musshuru. Eventually she pulled her gaze away to shoot me a look of- not approval, but something mildly positive. I'd puzzle it out later, when I wasn't so tired and sore. If I remembered.

Gold Star nodded absently. "Yeah, he was a pain. We handled him though. What about you, White Lion? Anything to report?"

"Mmm… Don't answer to Blue Drake," I reminded him, my tiredness actually making me snuggle into Ghin's shoulders. I really wanted to sleep. "But… Wapol was defeated, but Luffy punted him over the horizon, so he escaped custody. Most of his soldiers were captured though, including two of his top commanders. You can pick up the majority in Gyasta, and the two officers up at the castle. Other than that, nothing of significance to the Revolution."

"Alright then." Gold star glanced over at his cell. "Fluffy Muffin, Crooked Watermelon, you two check out Gyasta; Red Starlight, Shredded Leaf, go check out the castle."

"Yes sir!" Four of the Revolutionaries ran off. Gold Star nodded to me once again before wandering off to write his report.

Dalton stared at us for a long moment. Eventually, his wandering eyes settled on Chopper. The mayor looked… tired. After a few minutes of silence, he knelt in front of us and bowed his head. "I- You're the reindeer boy who used to run with Hiriluk. I'm sorry- for everything. Sorry for not standing up to Wapol earlier and saving everyone the trouble, sorry for knocking you out that day, sorry for not making an effort to make you feel accepted… Can you ever forgive me?"

"Eh?" Chopper blinked at Dalton in a daze. The little reindeer bowed his head and knelt next to the mayor. "I never blamed you. It was _everyone_ who did those things, not just you."

I was surprised; I hadn't expected Chopper to say something so mature this early in the story. Dalton sighed in response. "I know. But there are still things I could have done. And I swear to you, I'll never let things like that happen again. No more tyrants, no more shunning those who are different."

"How though?" Chopper had tears in his eyes now. "How can you promise something like that?"

It took Dalton a long moment to answer. Then, "We'll build schools. People fear what they don't understand, so we'll teach them. Every child in Drum Kingdom will learn to read and write, some basic science, how Devil Fruits work… and our history, so they don't repeat the mistakes of the past."

That rendered Chopper speechless. Not just him, actually; everyone. Even Luffy had nothing to say, his eyes shining and his mouth gaping open. Vivi was the first to regain her tongue. "That- that's an amazing idea. Would you mind if I used your idea in Alabasta as well?"

"Go ahead, your Highness."

Vivi froze. "How- how did you know?"

"I told you, I used to be a royal guard. I saw you at the Reverie when you were a little girl; you were surprisingly mature in how you dealt with Wapol's… rudeness." Dalton smiled. "I didn't recognize you right away, but when I thought about it for a bit…"

A nervous giggle bubbled out of the princess' throat. "I- I remember that day. When I went back to my room that night, I pretended my pillow was Wapol and told him off for _everything_. Father was both impressed and horrified by my vocabulary."

"Heh. Trust me, that's a coping mechanism many who used to work for Wapol used as well. It was the only thing we could do." Dalton rose to his feet and brushed snow off his knees. "Now… I suppose you pirates are heading out. Surprising; the witch doesn't usually let patients out early."

"Doctorine approved Jones' release because I'm taking over her care," Chopper said, puffing up a little with pride. Behind him, Usopp beamed for no apparent reason.

"Well then, it looks like the little one's in good hands." Dalton clapped once. "Does your crew need any help resupplying before you leave? We can give you a discount on summer clothing and equipment, pelts, and jerky. Maple syrup's still full price though."

"Maple?" I perked up at the word. Beside me, Sanji had a much more amusing reaction.

"You _sell_ maple syrup?!" The cook's jaw dropped.

"Of course." Like me, Dalton appeared amazed and confused by Sanji's reaction.

Usopp frowned and glanced at the cook. "I don't get it. Is there something wrong with selling maple syrup? What _is_ maple syrup?"

"Only one of the most delicious sweeteners in the world," Sanji informed the gunner. "It was almost impossible to get it in the East Blue, and when we could, it was stupidly expensive. Shitty merchants always gouging us…"

"Oh…" Usopp looked like he still didn't get it.

Nami opened her mouth, probably to forbid everyone from spending money on something so frivolous. Before she could say anything though, she was hit by a massive combined attack. Ruatha, Lisa, Luffy, Chopper, Sanji, and I all pouted at the sailing master. Eyes wide, lips trembling, Ruatha whining slightly… Nami stared at us in disbelief. Johnny and Yosaku joined in a moment later, hugging each other as their eyes glowed dimly. The sailing master shook her head.

"I- wha- _Are you pirates or toddlers?!_ "

"But maple…" I'm not too proud to admit that I whined there, alongside Chopper and my dragon. Sanji didn't speak words, but he _did_ deign to make a small, distressed noise.

Luffy, Lisa, Johnny, and Yosaku shrugged. The captain fiddled with his thumbs. "I've never had this maple stuff, but it sounds _awesome_. Can we at least get a little to try?"

"Whe- But- Ergh…" Nami buried her face in her hands to try and avoid our gazes. It didn't work. The pouting and occasional whining continued until we reached a tipping point. Nami groaned at us. "Alright, fine. Buy your maple syrup. But do it quick; we need to get going."

"YAY!" Luffy, Johnny, and Yosaku danced arm in arm. Sanji danced like a noodle.

"Thank you Nami dear! I promise, you won't regret it!" Seriously, were his bones made of seaweed or something?

It took about twenty minutes to purchase maple syrup and properly say goodbye- during which time, we learned that Nami's idea of _a little_ syrup and Sanji's were very different. Namely, the cook decided that we needed what looked like enough maple syrup to supply an army for a month. Not that I was complaining; I _love_ maple _anything_.

We eventually left Bighorn and headed back to the _Going Merry_. It was high tide when we got there, although it looked like it would be going out shortly- the perfect time to depart. Ghin whistled loudly as we approached the ship. "Oi! Moss Ball! Drop one of the ladders!"

A green head popped up over the rail, dark eyes blinking tiredly. "Oh. You're all back. Hang on just a minute."

Wood clattered on wood as one of the ladders unrolled down the side of the _Merry_. One by one, we climbed aboard- or sometimes two at a time, since I was still clinging to Ghin's back like a baby monkey. Once aboard, we were met with the sight of Zoro leaning back against the rails, yawning as he sharpened his swords. Not far away, Mr Thirteen was doing the same with a pair of blades made of clam shells. Miss Friday was huddled beside the otter, looking extraordinarily grumpy while being wrapped in a fluffy duvet.

Wait, _WHAT?_

"Why're they here?" I asked, careful to keep my voice neutral. Mr Thirteen glanced up with a small smile and quickly scribbled a sign.

 _You're alive. That's good._

"They led us to Drum Kingdom," Nami explained as we prepared to get underway. "And they're taking us to Alabasta too. Apparently they like you more than Crocodile."

"Oh…" I smiled sleepily at Mr Thirteen and reached out to pet him. Ghin set me on the deck near the animals to facilitate this. "Thank you."

Luffy looked at Zoro. "Where're Jack, Mairead, and Carue?"

"Below." Zoro waved at the main hatch. "They got scared when the otter and I started sparring. Wimps. Good news though; I think I'm starting to figure out that flying slash thing. Haven't _done_ it yet, but I have some idea how to get there."

"That's great!" Luffy beamed as he started unfurling the mainsail. "You need to get up now though- raise the anchor!"

"Aye-aye Captain." Zoro rolled to his feet and headed for the bow.

The _Going Merry_ pulled slowly away from the shore. Night was falling as the tide went out; clouds rolled across the sky. Soon snow started to fall. The wind was chilly, but not horribly cold, and I was sheltered in my position by the rails. Chopper and Lisa looked a little lost- the former because he'd never sailed before, and the latter because she was… Actually, I had no idea. Maybe she didn't know how to sail, or someone had told her she was too little?

I waved the pair over, which led to an amusing struggle as the little girl and the reindeer both tried to sit in my lap. In the end, Lisa won. Chopper snuggled in against my sighed with a small sigh. Ruatha chirped and rested his head atop the painter's, wrapping his tail around my arm even as I wrapped my arm around the reindeer. Snowflakes landed on us one by one.

 _BOOM!_

…Snowflakes that were slowly turning pink. I glanced up at the sky, where the clouds were taking on a soft cherry hue. "Chopper, look!"

"What?" The little reindeer got up, planting one hoof on my shoulder as he stood on his tiptoes and gazed at the sky. Then he gasped; tears fell on my shoulder one by one, blending with the melting snowflakes.

Above us, the whole sky was _glowing_ with soft pink. It was fountaining up from the Drum Rockies- presumably from the castle, although I couldn't see the building from this far away. As the pink snowflakes fell, they sparkled like Swarovski crystals. A particularly large one landed on the tip of Chopper's nose and melted away. The whole sky looked like some giant tree dropping great, feathery blossoms on the sea.

 _BOOM! BOOM!_

More pink fountained upwards to fall back down around us. I caught one on my tongue, curious. It tasted metallic, with a faint hint of chlorine. Not exactly the most appealing flavour. Still pretty though. Soon the entire ship glittered with pink, a thin layer of snow covering everything.

More tears fell on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around Chopper as best I could, though our positioning made it awkward. The little reindeer was shaking, and not from the cold. Lisa must've noticed our movements; she turned around without getting up, shifting until she could hug Chopper from behind.

One by one the rest of the crew came over, dusted with pink as they stared awestruck at the sky. Luffy placed a hand on Chopper's head and beamed up at the pink clouds, with Zoro and Ghin standing tall behind him. Johnny quietly reached for Yosaku's hand, smiling softly. Nami leaned on the rail and gazed dreamily up at the sky, not even protesting when Sanji draped an arm across her shoulders. Usopp knelt beside me and rested his arms on the rail with a happy sigh. Vivi's face was full of awe, leaning on Carue as the duck appeared from below decks with Jack and Mairead. Even Mr Thirteen and Miss Friday were smiling- insofar as they could- and watching the pink clouds with unabashed warmth.

Soft flakes continued to fall, weighing down the brim of my hat and covering everything in a blanket that was both cold and warm. Shining, shimmering pink flakes, like falling stars. The sparkling pink fluffs gave everything a magical feel. It was like being wrapped in the meteorological equivalent of a hug.

"Doctor…" Chopper's voice was soft as he blinked at the sky. "Doctorine…"


	18. Montage

**Montage: a composite of several different and typically unrelated elements that are arranged to create a particular mood, meaning, or perception.**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you. And of course I kept the cherry blossom scene; one does not simply leave out the cherry blossoms!**

 **abciluvpie: Thank you.**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you very much— and you're welcome.**

 **Molly Grace 16: Thank you. Big Brother Ghin is fun to write. *smiles***

 **bookloverinfinity: Heheheheh... Thank you very much.**

 **camierose: Thank you. ^_^**

 **Dragondancer81: No, no she can't. *cackles***

 **MilkTree925: Thank you.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Sesehihihihihi! As far as Lisa's techniques go, I have a massive box of Crayola crayons and I'm not afraid to use it. Variant colours are definitely a thing.**

 **majishan: Eh, probably a bit of a downfall from what you expect. Important to bonding, but not the overall plot.**

 **Krazyfanfiction1: Heh. Thank you very much. ^_^**

 **Gerbilfriend: As do I, as do I. Well, he'll be getting lots of cuddles from Jones at some point, at any rate.**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Yes, that's exactly what Luffy was doing in the castle.**

 **FairyGirl960: Thank you. That's what I was going for. ^_^**

 **Kakusei: Thank you— and you're welcome. And yeah, there are at least a few places where I intend to bring in some real-world practices to expand a little bit on the culture. Some of them are just intended to be funny though, like some things I have planned with Franky.**

 **starelight: You're welcome. And yeah, I can't wait for Jones to meet Ace either— I've had that scene planned for so long, and soon I get to write it. As for her getting up so early? Never underestimate the stubbornness of a slightly delusional Canadian.**

 **GreenDrkness: Yeah, I really should install a maple tree or two on my Going Merry. And some rhubarb... But if we let Jones' green thumb take over, soon the whole ship will be covered in gardens, between her, Nami, and Usopp's post-timeskip weapons. And Robin; I think Robin has some flowers at some point.**

 **xanothos: ^_^ Thank you very much. I hope I continue to live up to people's expectations though, since I seem to be setting the bar so high. *nervous laughter***

 **The Utterly Fabulous Z: Thank you— and you're welcome. And yeah... I debated doing that part in English because I knew not everyone would necessarily understand, but... I dunno, I guess it just felt better with my whole wacky One Piece Canadian thing.**

 **Twilight0Wanderer: Well, to be fair, I was a figure skater, so even if some hockey players do spend a fair amount of time going backwards, it probably doesn't seem like it to me. *shrugs* Unreliable narrator and all. The references... About the second, all I can say is that Jones loves Tales of Phantasia, so you can look forward to her at least trying what you suggest someday, even if it might not work. As to the first... Just wait til she uses it again in context. Thank you very much for your analysis and support.**

 **DemonCatLady: Thank you. I'm sorry about all the feels, but yeah, for some arcs I guess that means I'm doing things right? As far as how hard Luffy will hit Jones... I make no promises.**

 **GingerFury: Well, your guesses now are both closer and further than I thought. As for the thing with the vitals... It's less about the injuries and more about bonding. And no, as much as Jones would love to punch Akainu in the face, there's no believable way for her to tank that. A toilet seat wouldn't save her there.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: Thank you so much... Your confidence in me is both heartening and daunting.**

 **Solemn Nonsense: Thank you. That's what I was going for.**

 **Guest (June 24): *laughs hard* Tim! Yeah, I knew that. Love Monty Python. And I'm glad my toilet seat provoked that reaction; it means it didn't exist in vain.**

 **CrystalKnight: Yay indeed! Although... was there really ever any doubt?**

 **Guest (June 25): Thank you. And I'm sorry I almost made you cry.**

 **Azurai Wolf: Thank you. And yes, Alabasta will be interesting indeed. Or at least, I hope so.**

 **havarti2: Yes, he's adorable.**

 **Maximusace9: Yes, yes he did. He won't be getting any effects from doing so, but if you look carefully at Ruatha's dialogue... Actually, I should leave that for people to find. *grins***

 **Cyber Angel Rowan: Thank you. Thank you very much.**

 **Partsu: Thank you. And wow... I'm impressed. This isn't exactly a short story. Are your eyes okay after doing that?**

 **WaterStar45: Yeah, Luffy's not happy. He has some words for Jones. But they happen to be exactly what she needs to hear, so aside from a headache or two, it's all good.**

"And there you go, Li'l Bro." Johnny chuckled as he handed Chopper a child-sized hockey stick. "I told you we could make one."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" The reindeer danced around with his new- toy? Weapon? I didn't know why he'd asked the hunters to make it. Johnny raised a hand to block when an ill-timed flail almost hit him in the stomach.

"Hey, hey, calm down Li'l Bro! You're gonna hurt someone if you're not careful." The blue hunter grinned and pointed at a slight bump on the top of the stick. "Try pressing there and see what happens."

Chopper did as he was told, a mystified expression on his face. It quickly morphed into one of delight when the stick extended with a click, becoming the correct length for him to use in his heavy point. A second press of the button collapsed the stick back to its original size. "Oh wow… That's amazing!"

Usopp snorted. The gunner was leaning back on a rail, tools and trinkets spread out around him as he worked on a project of his own. Occasionally he would show Nami something, and the sailing master would either express awe and approval, or smack Usopp upside the head. Right now though, he was staring at Chopper's hockey stick with derision. "For that to work, it's gotta be nested, hollow- you could never hit anything with it."

"That's where you're wrong, Big Bro," Yosaku put in. "We made it out of a special alloy they were selling in Robelle- much stronger than anything we ever got in the East Blue. I tested it against Big Bro Zoro's swords; it can take a beating."

Nami raised her eyebrow at that. "For real? Did you get any extra?"

"Sure thing Big Sis!"

The _Going Merry_ was a week and a half out from Drum Island. There was no sign of Alabasta yet, but neither Vivi nor Mr Thirteen seemed too concerned, so I assumed we were on schedule. Everyone had been using the time to train and experiment, with Chopper's hockey stick being the first project to actually be completed. The little doctor hugged Johnny's leg and ran off, tossing his puck up and down with one hoof as he looked for a place to practice. His blue and white jersey- only removed for laundry days- fluttered in the day's stiff breeze.

I laughed, almost smudging the paper I was working on- a second copy of the book I'd started making before Whiskey Peak. I needed three of them- one for Jonathan, one for me, and one to send to a publishing company. After all, if I wanted to use this without raising suspicion, I'd need it to at least be widely available, if not popular. I'd been making pretty good progress the last few days, despite having to learn to write with my left hand; while Chopper didn't try to enforce bed rest, he wasn't letting me do much in the way of training right now.

That thought reminded me, though, that as of Little Garden, I had a new aspect of my powers that needed work. Friction, eh? What could I do with that? Absorbing it wasn't particularly useful- actually, it would be pretty dangerous for anyone who didn't know how to skate, and even for those who _did_ under certain circumstances. I rested my hand on the deck, feeling the friction between my hand and the wood. A brief twist of focus made my hand slide sideways, the wood suddenly feeling smooth as ice.

Cool, but useless.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Usopp attaching a small wooden bird to a spring. He was still working on Nami's thing though- hadn't switched to a cuckoo clock or anything. So I pulled a marble out of one of my pockets and threw it at him. It missed; the tiny glass ball bounced off a rail and back at me, almost hitting me in the face. I caught it just before it knocked my glasses off. The sound got Usopp's attention, though, so it wasn't a waste of effort.

"Hey! What was that for?" The gunner yelped. I shot him a flat look.

"That better not be going into Nami's weapon." I nodded at the bird. Usopp raised his eyebrows and rubbed his nose.

"How do you know it's not an integral part of the mechanism, huh? Maybe Nami asked me for a weapon that fired bi-?"

"You're _supposed_ to be building a staff that controls the weather or something, aren't you?"

If Usopp hadn't been leaning on the rail, he would've fallen over backwards in surprise. "How'd you kno- you were unconscious!"

I shrugged and rolled my eyes. " _Really?_ How do I know _anything_ about people's weapons and stuff? In the story, you made Nami a staff called the Clima-Tact that allowed her to control weather by heating and cooling the air, and shooting lightning and stuff. So if that's what you're working on now, do you _really_ think you should be including pranks? Even Johnny and Yosaku wouldn't put that in a _weapon_."

"Um… Uh…" Usopp drooped with a sigh. "You're right… I just wanted to make it fun though."

"Nami wouldn't appreciate that, and it might put her in danger." I resumed my work copying the manuscript. "If you want to make something fun, you should do it as a separate piece. Not that training and fighting can't be fun in their own right…"

The gunner nodded mutely and set the wooden bird off to the side. Instead he began fiddling with a small glass jar, coating it with a fine mesh of wires inside and out before inserting a cork lid and gluing it in place. A thin chain hung down inside, brushing the glass and wires with every movement; a short, thick nail was wedged into the cork from the outside. The chain and nail were connected- I'd watched Usopp perform that operation an hour before. It had taken him three tries to get it right.

"What's that?" It looked familiar in the vaguest of ways- like I'd never seen one, but I'd read about it before.

"Leyden bottle," Usopp informed me. His tongue stuck out between his teeth in concentration as he cautiously inserted the jar into a complex array of springs. "They generate and store electricity, in theory- I've never made one before. I've heard they can discharge violently, though, so I need to make sure I protect Nami from that somehow. Maybe a rubber grip?" The gunner placed the Leyden bottle arrangement on the deck beside him and pulled a sheet of rubber to the fore, beginning to trace out a shape.

Something clicked in my head. _That_ was why the device seemed familiar- it was like the electrified bullets in _Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea_. I wondered if it was something that would actually work in my old world, or if it only functioned that way in fictional ones. "Cool."

"Sure is!" Usopp beamed and dropped his pen, waving his arms in excitement. He picked up the Leyden bottle and began playing with it- not out of a desire to actually do anything with it, more like a child unwilling to put down their newest toy. After a few seconds, I started to hear the crackling snap of static being generated. They grew louder and louder over the next few minutes, until there was a sharp _snap_ and a flash of light.

"Taak!" Ruatha's screech, right in my ear, left me momentarily deaf. The dragonet swatted me in the head as he swung his tail around to cover his eyes. Claws dug into my shoulder in surprise, drawing a few drops of blood. I should really look into getting some sort of protection against that sort of injury.

I blinked back spots. When I could finally see again, I couldn't hold back my laughter. Nor could the baby dragon perched on my shoulder. "Sesehihihihihi!"

"Nepnepnepnepnep!"

"It's not funny!" Usopp yelped. His hair was standing on end, while patches of soot adorned his skin. "That hurt!"

"Better make that rubber grip double sized," I advised, trying and failing to stifle my laughter. The gunner squawked indignantly and hailed a passing crew mate.

"Zoro! Jones's being mean to me!"

A green eyebrow rose. "Really?" The bosun snorted. "Suck it up, buttercup. She's not hurting you." Zoro continued on his way up to the crow's nest. Usopp pouted; I laughed all the harder.

" _Jones_ …" Usopp whined. I shook my head as I finally got my laughter under control.

"Sorry, sorry… I know it shouldn't be funny, but it _is_." Ruatha agreed with me, his chirping laughter growing louder and louder. I eventually had to clamp a hand down on his muzzle to protect my ears.

Sanji poked his head out of the galley at that moment. "Oi! Ladies! Shitheads! Jones! Lunch's ready!"

"Coming!" I hauled myself to my feet, using the mast for support. My legs weren't stiff anymore, but they were still a little shaky, and my right arm ached. According to Chopper it was almost healed though.

Despite his complaints, Usopp was up and on his way to the galley even faster than I was. Of course, he was immediately met by a steel-toed dress shoe in the face. It sent him flying backwards. Sanji glared at the gunner, snuffing out a cigarette and tossing it into the sea. "Don't come in the kitchen til you've washed that soot off Shitty Longnose!"

"Hey! Don't litter!" I snapped a half-hearted- but still force-charged- strike at the cook's head. He leaned back out of the way with a confused sigh.

"What? What did I do?"

"You shouldn't just chuck garbage in the water! If a fish eats that, it could get sick!" I swiped at Sanji again; this time, I caught him in the shoulder. The cook rotated with the force of my strike to disperse it.

"Fine, fine. I'm sorry; I won't do it again. But what should I do with them then?"

I paused, drawing up memories of dozens of environmental magazines. "They might make decent fertilizer for Nami's tangerine trees, and any other plants we might end up with." My mind drifted sideways for a moment. "Merde… Every time we make port, I forget to look into getting some rhubarb cuttings."

"Heh." Sanji shook his head. "Alright then. Thanks for the advice. I hope Nami dear won't mind."

"You hope I won't mind what?" Sanji jumped at the sound of Nami's voice. The sailing master had appeared practically out of nowhere, one hand on her hip, the other spinning a set of lock picks on a steel ring.

"Using cigarette butts and kitchen waste as fertilizer for your trees," I answered as Sanji noodled. The cook was saying _something_ , but since it wasn't coherent, neither of us paid him any mind.

Nami nodded. "Sure. Go ahead. Just don't damage them; if I find so much as one _leaf_ out of place…" She left the threat hanging as we went into the galley for lunch.

X

-ore of willpower. Green at my heart, the home of lo-! My meditation was interrupted by a loud yell from below decks. I opened my eyes and glared as Jack came out of the hatch, pulling Lisa behind him. The roughness with which the wannabe prince treated the painter made me narrow my eyes. Sure, she'd been ranked higher than him in Baroque Works, but she was still a _little girl_. I stood up and strode over, about to slap Jack's hand away. Before I could do anything though, Zoro landed beside us.

"What's going on?" The bosun folded his arms. Lisa glanced at him and bit her lip. Jack frowned down at her.

"She was in the _men's_ cabin," the agent said, as if that explained everything. Unhappy with that justification and his continued grip on Lisa's arm, I reached in and smacked his hand. Jack yelped and pulled away; Lisa stepped away from him, closer to me.

"Okay. So?" Zoro scowled down at the wannabe prince. Jack squawked.

"Girls shouldn't _be_ in the men's cabin!"

"Were you naked?" When Jack shook his head, Zoro shrugged. "Then I don't see what the problem is."

Sputtering wordlessly, Jack fluttered his hands. But no words came out. Eventually he sighed, shrinking in on himself like a deflated balloon. The wannabe prince wandered off, knowing Zoro was unlikely to take his side at this point. Probably looking for Mairead; the two spent a lot of time together. They also tended to avoid the crew proper, although they seemed to enjoy having afternoon tea with Vivi and Carue. I wasn't sure if we made them uncomfortable, or if they just didn't want to get attached.

Shaking his head, Zoro wandered away. "Idiot…"

Lisa immediately headed back towards the hatchway. She paused, though, as soon as I raised an eyebrow. Impressive; she wasn't even looking at me. How had she known? "You're about to ask me what I was doing in the men's cabin, aren't you?"

I inclined my head; Ruatha gnawed on the edge of my hat. "You don't _have_ to tell me, but I'd like to know. You have to admit, it's a pretty strange place for a girl to spend her time." Unless she was like me… No. Even then, being _comfortable_ taking that step was unusual, especially with a group of people who didn't know. Which, if Lisa was genderfluid, we _didn't_.

For a moment, Lisa said nothing. Then she sighed, her shoulders drooping. "I was looking around because I wanted to paint it. I need to see what the walls are like, how much space there is to work with…"

"You want to paint the men's cabin?" Well, at least I didn't have to have any awkward talks with her. I had no idea how to help a preteen figure out their own… preferences.

"I want to paint the _whole ship_ ," Lisa corrected with a shake of her head. She turned around to face me. "The cabins, the galley, the hold, the head… Even the bilge. I've had pictures growing in my head ever since the last island, things I want to bring to life. But I don't know which ones fit where- not all of them, at least. So I've been scouting around, but Jack caught me and wouldn't let me explain."

"Well, you'll have to ask Luffy for permission," I reminded her gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. I didn't leave it there long; it didn't feel right. Pulling back, I reached up and scratched Ruatha behind the ears instead. "He's the captain, and you're not part of the crew."

Lisa's face fell, confused and sad. "I- I'm not?"

Actually… Now that I thought about it, that was a good question. I knew Jack and Mairead held themselves separate, but Lisa mingled with the rest of us even more than Vivi did. No one had said anything though… "Come on. Let's go ask Luffy- about both."

The captain was sitting on _Merry_ 's head, swinging his legs back and forth and whistling a song. He waved as Lisa and I approached. "Hiya Jones! Lisa! What's up?" A gust of wind tried to snatch Luffy's hat off his head; he giggled as he held it down.

"Two issues we need you to sort out, captain." I leaned on a rail as a tremor ran though my legs. Luffy's broad grin shrank, although it didn't vanish completely.

"Oh. What's the problem?" He swung around to face us, although he was still sitting on the figurehead.

Lisa stepped forwards, fiddling with the hem of her skirt. "It's… I was wondering if I was on the crew or not, and if I could paint the ship."

For a moment, everything was silent. Luffy didn't speak, his face morphing into a frown of concentration. Even the wind seemed to die down; the usual ever-present creak of lines and the _Merry_ 's hull went quiet. The captain fiddled with his hat, which shadowed his eyes as he tilted his head forwards. Lisa reached for my hand; I let her hold it, although I doubted she would need me in the end. Luffy may not have been smiling, but he didn't seem angry or upset either. Just… thoughtful.

"You're twelve, ne?" Dark eyes rose up to bore into Lisa's. She nodded; Luffy continued. "Being a pirate's dangerous. Shanks always said little kids shouldn't join pirate crews… But he never said how little was too little. You don't seem very tough… If you wanna be a pirate, you're gonna have to show me your com- conv- you're gonna have to prove to me how much you mean it."

"Oh…" Lisa's face fell. She stared down at the deck, scuffing her feet against the wood. "I- I don't know how to do that."

Little fingers gripped my hand. I didn't say anything, neither pulling away, nor returning her grip. This was something Lisa needed to figure out herself- I wasn't sure I knew _how_ to help, anyway. Then the little painter raised her eyes again, meeting Luffy's gaze. "What about the rest of it- can I paint the ship?"

Much to my surprise, Luffy laughed at this. Not hard or long, but there was definitely a little chuckle there. A small smirk made itself at home on his face. "I dunno- can you?"

"What?"

The captain shrugged. "I dunno. It's a thing Sabo used to do- if I asked if I could do something, he asked if I could. I never figured out what he meant by it."

Lisa thought for a minute. Then her eyes lit up. "Oh! _May_ I paint the ship?"

Luffy cocked his head to the side. "Huh? _Oh_ …" Things clicked a minute later. "This is a _word fight_ thing, ne? That's Jones' job, not mine. But sure, you can paint the ship if you want. I bet _Merry_ would like it."

Patting the ship's rail, Luffy beamed. The wind rose back up about then, sending a happy whistling through _Merry_ 's lines. The increased waves made her buck and bounce, as if the ram-headed ship was prancing across the ocean. Foam from the tops of the waves jumped up and sprayed over us. Lisa smiled.

"Really?" Releasing my hand, she bounced excitedly at my side. "I'll get started right away, captain! Oh, what should I do first- the galley? The girls' cabin? Oh! I know! I'll start with the cargo hold!"

Her small, flat shoes clattered on the deck as Lisa took off towards the hatchway. Lisa skipped across the deck, humming to herself; she was already in the process of mixing something on her palette. Luffy beamed and bounced. "Shishishishishi!"

"Go ahead, laugh it up." I shook my head, a small feeling of heaviness settling in my gut. After all, Lisa had just decided to start painting the hold- where Ruatha and I still slept- and she used _oil_ paints. For however long this took, the inside of the ship was going to _stink_. At least I wasn't going to be alone; if Lisa wanted to paint the whole ship, everyone sleeping in the cabins would eventually get a nose full of fumes too.

Calming down, Luffy looked me in the eye. He paused for a moment, considering something- then shook his head, muttering something about not being ready yet. I didn't know what he meant by that. Eventually the captain settled on a soft smile. "Ne, Jones… Don't tell Lisa yet, but… I like her. She was good when you were hurt, keeping an eye on you, and she fits with us. I want her on the crew. But… She's still little, so I need to see her rec- rem-?"

"Resolve?" I offered.

"Yeah, that." Luffy folded his arms atop _Merry_ 's horns. His face fell. "Shanks wouldn't let me join him cause I was too little and might've been hurt- I don't want that to happen to her. I can't protect everyone."

Wow. That was early in the story for Luffy come to that realization. What had-? Oh. Right. I'd run out in front of him and almost gotten myself eaten by a T-Rex, protecting Vivi. I inclined my head. "Is there something you'd like me to do?"

Luffy thought for a long moment. "Look after her," he said at last. "Lisa likes you a lot. Protect her, teach her to fight if she needs it, show her things… Just keep an eye on her. The way Shanks did for me when I was little."

"Aye-aye captain." I saluted and left. Behind me, I heard Luffy giggling as I walked away.

Curiosity drew me down to the hold. In the brief time since she'd left me with Luffy, Lisa had managed to cover all the supplies with scrap pieces of canvas. Half a dozen lanterns- probably coopted from Johnny and Yosaku in the bilge- lit the usually dim room as if we were on the deck. I climbed down the ladder just in time to see her begin painting, a splash of bright blue against the walls. It was soon joined by another, and then another, broad strokes made with a large industrial brush rather than the small one she usually used in combat. Lisa worked quickly; it only took her a few minutes to cover the ceiling, walls, and even the floor with varying shades of blue. She didn't notice me until she'd backed over to the ladder, having painted the majority of the floor. Lisa jumped when she backed into me.

"Ah! Jones! What're you doing here?"

"Just came to see your paintings."

"There's nothing to see yet." Lisa made a face. "Just a base coat. The picture comes later, after this dries. It won't take long though; I make my own paints, and they're designed to dry quickly so I can keep working."

I leaned back on the ladder. "Can I ask what you're planning to paint down here?"

That got me a suspicious glance- although one that was trying very hard _not_ to come off as such. It was an expression I was familiar with, usually from a mirror. "You're not going to try to tell me what to do, are you?"

"No, of course not." I shook my head. "Just curious about my future bunk mates."

"Eh?" Lisa shot me a look that said in no uncertain terms that she thought I was crazy. Then she patted the floor- which was already dry, despite the whole room still reeking of oil paints. The little girl trotted over to open the portholes before getting back to work. I shrugged.

"Well, you know Ruatha and I sleep down here, eh?"

"Yeah… That's not it. Why're you talking about paintings as if they're alive?" Lisa shook her head, tracing an arcing line of gold across one blue wall. I had no idea what it could be an outline for. Other lines quickly joined it though, creating a very familiar shape.

"Aren't they, though?" I watched in admiration as a dragon slowly took shape on the wall. "I mean… Everything has its own spirit, its own personality and name. And at the very least, these paintings will be part of _Merry_ , and _she_ definitely does."

No response. Lisa continued, finishing the great gold dragon and starting on a smaller white one behind it. Over the next two hours, she painted an entire flight of dragons circling the hold, their scales shining every colour of the rainbow. Ivory horns and claws gleamed in the flickering lantern light; the eyes were a colour I couldn't really describe. Lisa smiled when I went to examine it, running my fingers over the unusual rubbery texture.

"It's glow-in-the-dark paint. I figured out how to make it last year. Haven't been able to use it for my hypnosis yet though…" The little girl looked both proud and disappointed.

I nodded. "So… Dragons?"

"Just here. For you, because this is your place. Your lair. I have other things planned for other rooms." Lisa frowned at the walls. "There's something missing though. I'm just… not sure what."

It took me several long minutes to reply- largely because I was absorbed in the dragon paintings, tracing their wings and tails. The detail was incredible. Tiny scales, each the size of my thumbnail, covered each jewel-bright reptile. They were all smiling. It was… heartening. Soothing. Like the entire room was trying to hug me, a great writhing warmth of serpentine hugs. And yet, if I tilted my head just so, and crouched a little as if I was trying to hide behind the surrounding barrels, those encouraging smiles somehow turned into hideous grimaces, a fighting wing of dragons prepared to defend their weyr from intruders.

"Treasure?" I asked eventually. "In all the legends, dragons guard treasure."

Lisa's eyes lit up. "Oh! Right! But where? I didn't leave anywhere to paint gold…"

"It doesn't have to be gold." I ran my fingers over the tiny scales on a slender purple dragon. "They could protect knowledge, people they care about, magic, a home… Those are all treasures too."

"I see…" The little painter looked around. "Could- could they protect the ship?"

"What?" I didn't understand. Lisa fiddled with her paintbrush and scuffed the floor with her foot.

"You- you're a witch, right? Could you make the dragons and things I paint protect the ship?"

Oh… Well, I wasn't sure about that, but I'd do my best. Crouching down beside Lisa, I nodded. "Sure. There are special symbols you can mix into the pictures- runes and bindrunes. If you paint them in the right colours, they'll help protect _Merry_. Would you like me to show you?"

"Yes please!" Lisa smiled widely and nodded, rummaging around in her pockets. Seconds later, she handed me a spare paintbrush. I dipped it in blue and began painting.

"This one here is Algiz, a rune of protection. And here's Dagaz for success, Othila for home… Aegishjalmur, a bindrune that's supposed to make you irresistible in battle, and Vegvisir to keep us from getting lost…" I went on for several minutes, showing Lisa all the runes and bindrunes I knew. We painted most in blue, barely visible against the backdrop, although some needed different colours. Those we wove into the dragons themselves, tiny details on their already miniscule scales. I wasn't sure if this would do anything- I'd only ever used runes for fortune telling, myself, but it seemed to make Lisa happy, at least. And hey, Luffy had asked me to teach her. He hadn't said _what_ I was supposed to teach her, exactly.

X

Heavy boots trying to be sneaky drew Nami's attention up from her maps. The sailing master glanced up to see Johnny and Yosaku creeping across the deck- _very_ conspicuously, she had to add. It seemed like the hunters had no experience sneaking up on anything, which she knew couldn't be true. Unless you were Zoro, being able to sneak up on a target was probably required. Nami raised her eyebrows in their direction and cleared her throat; Johnny and Yosaku jumped.

"Ah! Big Sis! What're you doing there?!"

"Making my maps… as always." Nami shook her head with a huff. She couldn't believe how dumb the men on the crew could be sometimes. "What're _you two_ doing?"

The hunters looked at each other, fidgeting. "Well… Um…"

"See, Big Bro Ghin is a major mother hen," Yosaku mumbled, "Right? And it's so rare to see him relax…" The green hunter gestured towards the bow, where Ghin was- uncharacteristically- sleeping against the rail. He looked exhausted. Nami didn't blame him- the rigger had worried himself sick while Jones was unconscious. All that stress had to catch up with him sometime.

Johnny nodded and picked up where his partner left off. "So we figured we'd do something to help him loosen up."

That made Nami sigh. She knew the hunters meant well, but their methods were… messy. Ghin was unlikely to appreciate them. But the men weren't likely to listen to her. She'd just have to settle for a sharp "I told you so," reinforced by her fist, after the fact. If Ghin didn't get them first. Still, as long as the pranks weren't aimed at her… "You better not make a mess. We don't have a lot of cleaning supplies left- almost seems like someone's been eating them. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"Nope!" Oh, they were lying through their teeth. Nami didn't call them out on it though. She'd wait until she caught them- it had to happen soon. Any day now, and she'd hit whichever hunter had been pilfering soap with a fine so heavy, they'd be in debt until they got to Raftel. Or at least until they caught and turned in a big-name pirate from the New World- whatever that meant- which wasn't likely to happen until _long_ after the marines realized they were pirates, not bounty hunters.

Boots continued to scuff on wood as Johnny and Yosaku continued their attempt at sneaking up on Ghin. They pulled out a bottle of glue and a bag of feathers as they went, crushing Nami's hopes that this prank would be relatively clean. She snapped her staff together in preparation for punishment, if necessary. And mentally added five million beri to the hunters' future debt.

Yosaku mixed the glue with equal parts water in a bucket, while Johnny hefted the feather bag. The hunters looked at each other, seemingly counting down with their eyes, before upending both bucket and bag over Ghin's head with a loud cry. "Bazinga!"

The glue spattered over Ghin with a loud _splish_. Lighter, slower, the feathers fell a second later, covering the rigger in a cloud of fluffy white as his eyes snapped open. Nami was impressed in spite of herself, unable to figure out where Johnny and Yosaku had gotten so many feathers. Even taking into account the number of seagulls Usopp shot when he was bored, and the amount of poultry the crew went through, the pair must've been planning this for… weeks, at least. Since long before Drum Island; probably since Loguetown. Well, maybe they hadn't been planning _this_ , exactly, but Nami wouldn't have put it past them.

Actually, when she wasn't the one being targeted, watching the hunters work could be a lot of fun.

Ghin's voice sounded strangely wet and glurpy when he spoke- no, _growled_. Like he'd maybe inhaled some of the glue. " _Johnny… Yosaku… You have_ _ **three seconds**_ _to tell me what's going on here if you want your deaths to be quick and merciful._ "

Johnny was shaking; Yosaku stood firm, but sweat was practically pouring down his brow. "Um, well, you see Big Bro… We thought, since you're such a mother hen and all…"

"Buck-buckawk!" Johnny added helpfully. Ghin's eyes glowed red.

"You morons!" Jumping to his feet, the rigger lunged forwards. Johnny and Yosaku took off at a run, their faces masks of terror. But at the same time, they were laughing their asses off.

Nami had to admit, the sight of Ghin racing across the deck covered in feathers _was_ funny. She stifled a smile; it wouldn't do to let the hunters think they could get away with things like this, after all. And with all the feathers everywhere, Ghin _did_ look a bit like a chicken.

Even more than a chicken, though, Ghin looked like a _dinosaur_. His teeth were bared in a snarl; he gained rapidly on Johnny and Yosaku, despite their near-daily practice running away from Luffy and Usopp. The rigger tackled the hunters into the deck, growling. Yosaku let out a wheezy squeak as his breath was knocked out; Johnny didn't even manage that much. Both hunters looked ill from a combination of fear and impact.

"I ain't no chicken, understand?" Ghin didn't shout. Instead, his face was so close to the faces of his victims that he almost looked like he was about to bite their noses. "Call me a mother hen all you want; that I'm used to. But this is over the line. _Never_ do something like this again. It's _not_ funny, and this jacket takes _forever_ to wash."

Pulling back, Ghin knocked the hunters' heads together, then hauled them up by the back of their coats. "Now… _Why_ did you try to turn me into a chicken?"

"Trying to cheer you up…" Johnny whimpered.

"And what makes you think I _need_ it, huh?" Ghin shook the hunters. He was probably the only man Nami could think of who could look intimidating covered in glue and feathers- even Genzo hadn't managed. That memory made Nami's smile wide beyond her ability to hide it. Bellemere would've _loved_ this crew.

Funny, that thought didn't hurt as much as it used to.

"Well, you were so worried about Jones," Johnny mumbled quickly, "All tired and stressed out. But she's better now, so we thought you could use a lift. I mean, you're sleeping on the deck. Only Big Bro Zoro and Big Sis Jones do that!"

Ghin snarled and shook the hunters again. "Well, if glue and feathers are your idea of a good time… _Stop cheering me up!_ "

The rigger slammed Johnny and Yosaku's heads together again and flung them over the side. Yelping, the hunters flailed. They waved their arms in a comical imitation of birds in flight, although it didn't do anything to save them. Nami couldn't hold it in anymore; she started laughing. "Hehehehehahahahahaha!"

Turning towards her, Ghin scowled- and then started laughing in his own right, albeit very quietly. "Ahahahahahaha!" Wiping glue and feathers on his face, the rigger flicked them into the water after Johnny and Yosaku. "Okay, maybe it's kinda funny. Don't let them know, though. Damn… If this is what having little brothers is like, maybe I should stick to sisters." Ghin froze and paled slightly. "Don't tell anyone I said that either."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Nami promised.

Nodding, Ghin took off his jacket with a sigh. "Now I need to wash this… We still have some of the unscented laundry detergent, right? I can't stand the lemon stuff you and Jones use. Hurts my nose."

"No, no unscented left. But if the lemon bothers you, we still have plenty of Sanji's green apple detergent. That work?" Nami didn't understand why almost everyone needed their own separate detergent, shampoo, and such. They could've saved so much money if everyone could've agreed… But they couldn't, whether because of preference, or in Usopp's case, because he was allergic to perfumed soaps.

"I guess." Ghin stomped off towards the head, which doubled as the laundry. He ran his hand through his hair as he walked, trying in vain to rub drying glue and feathers off of himself.

X

Lisa was painting the gun deck now. I sat just outside in case she needed me, reading one of my books. Or rather, I was pretending to read; in reality, I was playing with the friction between myself and the ship, sliding around on the wood in a small circle as I tried to figure out what this talent could be used for. Distracted, I didn't notice someone coming up beside me. At least, not until…

 _WHAM!_

A fist crashed into the back of my head. It sent me rolling and bouncing across the ship; my nearly-healed arm did _not_ appreciate this. I curled around the limb, hissing and wincing in pain. Black spots danced before my eyes; the blow and bouncing made me dizzy. Biting back tears, I glared up at the source of the strike. Luffy approached, his face expressionless as he clenched and unclenched his fist.

"Did that hurt?" my captain asked quietly.

 _What?_ "Yes! Of course it hurt!" I raised my hand to my head; it came away bloody. I couldn't tell if that was just from Luffy hitting me, or if I'd hit my head on one of the stairs when he sent my tumbling across the ship. "Tabarnak! What was that for?!"

"Good. I've been practicing since Drum." Luffy nodded to himself. "Fist of Love: Gum-Gum Edition."

A _Fist of Love?_ Luffy had learned how to use the _Fist of Love?_ Or at least a lesser version of it… " _Why?_ "

"Jones tried to throw her life away… and said she was expendable. That means not important, able to be thrown away without causing a problem, right?" Luffy frowned. " _No one_ on my crew is expendable. And you promised you'd _live_. That means you're not allowed to die, remember?"

"I told you when you asked me that, that I couldn't promise I wouldn't die." My head spun for a few seconds after I stood up. Luffy's frown deepened.

"That doesn't mean you can _run into death_. You almost got eaten on purpose!"

"Because the _dinosaur_ was about to eat _Vivi!_ She's more important than I am- I couldn't let that happen!"

Almost faster than I could blink, Luffy was in my face. A second later, rubber fist slammed into my head for the second time. I crashed into the deck. This time, I blacked out fully for a few seconds. When I regained my senses, I had to pry my face out of the wood grain and wipe blood away from my eyes. "Oww… You know, if your motivation here is to get me to _not die_ , you should probably stop hitting me over the head." Seriously, too many hits that bypassed my Devil Fruit was _not_ a good idea, _especially_ from Luffy.

My captain considered that for a moment, then shrugged. "You're not allowed to die- captain's orders. And stop saying you're not important. I don't care what your story says, whether you're _supposed_ to be here… You _are_ here, you _are_ one of us. You _are_ important- to _us_. Next time, find a way to save the princess _and stay alive while doing it_."

I couldn't decide whether to apologize or try to retort. On the one hand, sometimes what Luffy was asking _wasn't possible_ \- sometimes there's no _time_ to find a better way, or no better option exists _at all_. Sometimes there _wasn't_ a happy ending. But at the same time… I wanted it so much. I _wanted_ the happy ending, I _wanted_ to believe I could do what Luffy asked. I actually _wanted_ to live, rather than just promising because I thought it was what people wanted to hear.

The marks on my arms stung faintly as blood dripped down the side of my face. I bowed my head. "Sorry… Captain."

"As long as you understand." Luffy's frown morphed into a grin; he reached out and patted me on the head. Which was… uncomfortable. I huffed and pulled away. That just made him frown again.

"Alright, enough." Luffy moved, slowly but surely invading my personal space. "You can't keep doing that Jones."

"Doing what?" I backed into a rail. There was nowhere to run as my captain continued his approach.

"Avoiding _us_. You don't like strangers touching you, and that's fine, but we're your _family_ now. It hurts us when you pull away, and not hugging can't be good for you neither." Luffy stretched slightly, planting his hands on the rail to either side of me and leaning right into my face. "I'm going to hug you now. This isn't op- opti- you don't get a choice. You will be hugged- captain's orders."

Rubber arms wrapped around me before I could protest. I went stiff- although at least he'd told me first. Luffy was… surprisingly gentle, actually. And… small. I knew intellectually that my captain wasn't a big man- he was only an inch taller than me- but with how strong he was, and the force of his personality… I dunno, I'd just expected him to feel… bigger. But the rubber captain felt so small pressed up against me, scrawny and wiry like one of my little cousins. Who must be getting close to Luffy's age, now that I thought about it.

For the first thirty seconds or so, the hug made me supremely uncomfortable. But as time passed and Luffy _didn't let go_ , it became easier. Even pleasant. At some point I noticed I was shaking; I don't know when it started. Luffy held me tighter as the shaking grew worse, drawing me in as I grew weaker. Soon I found myself wrapping my own arms around my captain, bowing my head and pressing my face into a rubber shoulder. I couldn't… I didn't even know whether the shaking was from laughter, fear, or tears I couldn't shed. My feelings were all tangled, confused… All I could think to do was apologize again.

"I'm sorry Captain. I don't mean… I didn't want… When I jumped in front of the T-Rex…"

"Shh… It's okay Jones. Just don't do stuff like that again. Okay?"

"Hai…" Luffy let me go, smiling. I rubbed my eyes on the back of my hand to make sure there were no tears there. Nothing. Good.

"How did you do that, anyway?" I asked, desperately looking for a way to change the subject. "Bypass my Devil Fruit, I mean." Because _no way_ had Luffy figured out Haki yet. I hadn't even tried to explain it to people.

Luffy shrugged. "Fist of Love. Grandpa used to do it to me'n Ace all the time; if you hit someone you care about hard enough, no Devil Fruit can protect them."

"I know _that_ ," I told him, rolling my eyes. "Maudit, I even know how Garp does it- or at least, I think I do. What I want to know is how _you_ did it, when I know for a fact that you _don't know how to bypass Devil Fruits yet!_ " I punctuated my thought with a burst of force.

Shrugging again, Luffy picked his nose. "I dunno. I just think about how much I care about everyone, and then I hit you. It seems to work. I practiced on pillows until they exploded."

Okay. None of that made sense to me. I decided not to question it. Yet. Maybe if I ever saw Garp again, he would have an explanation I could understand. Although it was _Garp_ , so maybe not.

Hooves clattered on wood. Chopper bounded over and landed between me and Luffy, shifting into brain point and wringing his hooves. "Um, could you please not hit Jones? She hasn't quite finished healing yet."

"Thank you…" I kind of wondered why the doctor hadn't intervened earlier, to be honest. Maybe he'd been below decks or something. I wiped the blood from my head again; thankfully it had stopped bleeding by now, so there wasn't very much. Chopper turned towards me.

"Besides, I finally have things ready to do those tests Doctorine said Jones needed." Tabarnak. I'd been hoping he'd forgotten about those, since he hadn't brought them up since leaving Drum. But apparently he'd just been gathering what he needed, or setting something up or something. I took a step back.

"Um… I know Kureha said there was something about my vitals, but I feel fine now, so can we leave it? I'm sure they've gone back to normal." Pat. Pat. Pat. I backed away from Chopper slowly, hoping to find someone to hide behind. Sadly, Ghin wasn't around.

"No, no, no, I need to make sure. I should've done it days ago, but I- erm… I forgot." Chopper fiddled with his hooves some more. Then he pulled out a needle from… somewhere. A shiver of disgust ran up my spine. I _hate_ needles. So many bad experiences… One time, a nurse missed the blood vessels in my arm so badly that the needle scraped the bone. Not fun.

Chopper came closer, two steps for every one I took. "Come on Jones, it'll just take a minute. I thought you were the brave, crazy one."

"In most situations, yes. Here, not so much." To Hell with backing away slowly. I turned around and jogged away. Needles may have been inevitable back home, but I didn't have to put up with them here! Nope, nope, nope, no more bone scraping for me.

"Hey!" Chopper switched to walk point and galloped after me, easily gaining. Okay, trying to escape a reindeer on foot wasn't the brightest idea. And with one arm still in a cast, I couldn't escape by climbing into the rigging- even if doing so would only have prompted Luffy or someone to bring me down and hand me over to the doctor anyway, it would've bought me a few seconds.

I considered absorbing friction as I ran, but that would just make me slide around, and might not even affect Chopper- I still didn't know quite how that aspect of my powers worked. Looking back over my shoulder was a poor idea- all it did was show me a reindeer hot on my heels, and distract me from watching where I was going. Tripping over a wrench that Usopp had left lying around, I crashed headlong into the mast. Oww… I rubbed my head, rolling to the side to avoid Chopper. Although all that rolling made me dizzy, especially after the recent head trauma. Lines and dots spun in front of my eyes.

The repeated blows to the head and spinning around caused an epiphany though. I'd been thinking about my friction powers all wrong. Absorbing friction would only make me slide around, but… what if I increased the force of friction? It could give me more traction while running, or… The thought made me smile.

Ducking under Chopper's needle, I ran at the mast. My focus shifted to my feet. Just like wall runs at parkour… step and stick, step and stick. But where those had a pretty hard limit on how long they could last- or at least how long _I_ could maintain them… I increased the force of friction between my feet and the mast, more, and more, and more… How much was needed, I didn't know. More than the force of gravity pulling down on me, but I didn't have any way of measuring that.

Three steps was usually my limit. This time I went four, five, six… Around ten steps up though, things got- painful. The muscles in my legs and back cramped in a weird way, something I'd never experienced before. I found my body flopping backwards, gravity pulling on the parts of me not in immediate contact with the mast until I could no longer keep a grip on the mast even with my powers. My back met the deck a second later with an echoing thud, knocking the wind out of me. "Oww…"

Before I could get up, Chopper was standing over me. "You shouldn't be trying to train yet," the reindeer said reproachfully. I groaned.

"That's not what I was doing." Although it _would_ be what I was doing as soon as I could get away with it. This friction thing had potential. Maybe if I used my hands too- went the _Spiderman_ route, rather than the _Naruto_ route… Yes, that might work.

Shaking his head, Chopper popped back into brain point and jammed the needle into my shoulder before I could get up. Ow! I swatted at the doctor, but he dodged out of the way, pulling back with a full needle of my blood. I froze, blinking, for an instant. Huh. Sure it hurt, but that wasn't nearly as bad as most needles I'd had in the past. The doctor snickered.

"There. That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"I guess not…" I sat up slowly, rubbing the back of my head. Chopper smiled.

"Great! Now, come with me. I need to check your pulse and blood pressure while the other tests are running." Unwilling to let me try and escape again, Chopper switched to heavy point and picked me up over his shoulder. He carried me into the galley and plopped me on the bench, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my arm and pulled out a stethoscope to check my heartbeat. This happened twice- once right away, and once a few minutes later when my heartbeat had calmed down. I sighed heavily and watched as Chopper made notes and performed tests on my blood sample. At first I was confused that he'd only needed one vial, but…

Well, he really wasn't performing a lot of tests. And they all seemed to come out of an episode of _Murdoch Mysteries._ Which, sure, that would pick up most common toxins, but what about hormones? Genetics? I was halfway amazed when I saw him write down my blood type, since that was at the very cutting edge of the nineteenth century technology Chopper seemed to be using. Was Drum Island- famous for its medicine- really that far behind tech-wise?

"Um… Exactly what tests are you doing?"

"Blood cell count, toxin analysis, check all vitals, x-ray… why?" Chopper paused in setting up his giant, clunky x-ray camera that looked like something from a Victorian magazine. He even had a tiny lead apron that he'd put on while I wasn't looking. "Speaking of which… hold still."

There was a series of flashes as Chopper took his pictures, switching out plates and putting them to one side to develop. I tried very hard to follow his instructions, even as my eyes watered from the lights. And my nose started to itch something fierce. Mustn't sneeze, mustn't sneeze, mustn't sne- aw, tabarnak.

"ACHOO!" Why was it that every other girl I'd ever met had tiny, delicate little sneezes, but mine sounded like a bomb going off?

Chopper shot me a reproachful look as he pulled out the last x-ray plate. I shrugged helplessly and started to get up, only to be held down by a tiny hoof. I frowned. "What? Do you still need me?"

"Well, I suppose not really, but don't you want to know what the results are?"

Wow. That was fast. My eyebrows rose in surprise. "Already? Really? It doesn't take, like, a week or so of puzzling things over and going through data for you to tell me that I'm fine and can get back to training as soon as my cast comes off?"

"No." Chopper wrinkled his muzzle. "Both because I have the results right now, and because you're _not_ fine to get back to training as soon as your cast comes off. Look at these!" The doctor waved several pieces of paper and one of the x-ray plates in front of my face.

I looked… And was thoroughly confused. Why was he so concerned? They looked normal to me, the same as any x-ray I'd had in the past. Well, except for the blurry one from when I sneezed. And the heartrate and blood pressure looked like my last checkup. I admit I didn't understand a lot of the other results though- especially some of the stuff from the toxin analysis. It was made even harder by Chopper's not-particularly-neat handwriting. "Okay, looking… I don't see what you're so worried about."

"You… _What?_ " Chopper looked from me to my medical details and back. "How do you not-? Well, I suppose you don't have any medical training…" The little doctor sighed.

"Maybe I don't have any medical training, but I _do_ know what my own results look like; I've been to a doctor's office before. Even worked as a filing clerk in one. And those look just like my results from a year ago." Well, aside from the sketch Chopper had done indicating the locations and states of healing of all my scars. Most of them were new.

"But…" Chopper frowned, trying to assemble his words.

Oh. _Oh_. I had some idea what might've caused this. A quick look around assured me that the two of us were alone in the galley- specifically, I was making sure Vivi, Carue, Jack, and Mairead weren't around. It was time.

"Look, Chopper, there's something you should know." I took my hat off and ran my hand through my hair. "I- It makes sense that my medical results aren't what you're expecting. You know how I said I was a witch?"

"Yeah…" Dark eyes grew wider, staring at me. "What about it?"

"That's… not entirely true. Or at least, not how I know everything I know." I fiddled with my necklace. This was going to be harder than it was with the crew at first. But he was on the crew now, so he needed to know. "I'm not the same species of human you're used to dealing with- or at least, probably not. I'm not even from this world. The country I came from, it's in a completely separate dimension where all this," I waved my hand at everything around us, "Is a series of stories."

Chopper blinked at me for a couple of long, slow minutes. His nose twitched as he sniffed me curiously. Then he sighed. "I don't smell any drugs, and there weren't any on your toxin analysis… Maybe I _should_ be checking you for psychiatric disorders- you seem to be delusional."

Well, I wasn't about to deny that. But _this_ wasn't a topic I was delusional about. I shrugged. "Not sure how to prove it to you just yet, so… What's so weird about my test results? Maybe that'll explain some things."

"Where do I start?!" Chopper's voice squeaked from distress- or maybe puberty. He _was_ fifteen, after all. "You're missing entire _organ systems!_ Your eyes don't luminesce, and you're missing the muscles around them to make expressions properly- how do people know when you're happy or excited about something when your eyes can't change shape? Not to mention how bare your bones are."

" _WHAT?!_ " What did that even mean?

"Everyone else I've ever met had these fibres attached to their skeletons, acting as a type of reinforcement. Yours… nothing. How do you not break them more often- aside from your arm and tailbone, none of them show signs of punishment?!" Chopper was hyperventilating now, tugging on the brim of his hat and laying his ears flat against his skull. "Your heartrate's low, especially considering your blood pressure; so is your temperature. Most of these scars should've healed better- your healing rate is normal, but your body's sloppy about it for some reason. Your jaw doesn't dislocate properly, and you're missing your exasperation glands! And yet somehow- _somehow_ \- you still have the same blood type as Usopp, Ghin, and Lisa. Half of me wants to believe you just based on your anatomy, while half of me wonders how you've even survived to adulthood!"

The little doctor groaned and rubbed his head. "There's still so much I need to learn… But- even in Doctorine's books, I've never read about anyone like you. The closest was a man born with malfunctioning exasperation glands- no one could read his emotions properly because he sweatdropped at inappropriate times, or not at all when most would. People thought he was crazy; eventually he _did_ go crazy. Some sort of weird infection that everyone else was immune to."

This was getting weird. What was the point of having a moment like this? Aside from maybe me telling Chopper where I was from, at any rate. Or… I replaced my hat with a sigh and rubbed my eyes. "I don't know what to say, Choppy. I've actually been wanting to ask you about some of those things- the eyes, mostly. Guess I just got the answer. I'm not imagining it; biology really _is_ different here."

Chopper stared for a long time, shaking his head slowly. "So… You're a different kind of human from a different world. It _does_ make sense, even if it sounds impossible. Cool."

"Sesehihihihihihi!" I couldn't help it. Chopper jumped at my sudden laughter; I bit the inside of my cheek until it stopped. And yes, I _did_ taste a little bit of blood near the end. "Sorry… It's just, where I come from, the stories of this world are _famous_ for treating the impossible like the everyday, so you calling _me_ impossible…"

"I… guess impossible depends on your point of view?" The doctor shrugged helplessly.

"Fair enough…" Oh, I know! How about I start throwing a wrench in some of the Germa's future plotting? Let's see… About a month before I came to this world, it was revealed that Sanji and his siblings were… _Yes_. "How about we see _exactly_ how different I am from the people you're used to treating?"

Chopper wrinkled his muzzle in confusion. "What- what do you mean?"

"You'll see." I pulled out some paper and a pen and began sketching a design. It would be primitive, but it would get the job done for now. We could figure out something better once we'd had a chance to study things a bit- and maybe once Franky was with us. This might be more towards his end of the tinkering spectrum. "Okay, it might take a few days for Johnny and Yosaku to build it- maybe we can get Usopp in too, but he's busy- and we'll need to steal some gelatin from the galley, unless we get to a market before then to buy some of our own. What else? We'll need some good, strong rum; pineapple juice; oh, and access to the freezer, unless you have a medical one of your own?"

"Of course I do!" Chopper looked mildly affronted as he gestured towards a large metal box. "Wait- what's all this for?"

"Basic genetic analysis, of course. Rum, pineapple juice, and the freezer to separate the DNA from the cells… The gel electrophoresis won't work the _best_ with gelatin, but I don't know how to make the gel that's normally used, so it'll have to do. We should get _some_ sort of results, at any rate." Oh, it felt so good to talk _science_ with someone who might understand! Or perhaps not… Chopper was giving me a glazed look. I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "Eheh… Sorry. I just geeked everywhere."

"No, no, no! It's fine!" The little doctor waved his hooves frantically before fiddling with the hem of his jersey. "Please, tell me more. Can this DNA stuff… Can it be used medically?"

"I think so. It's not something I know how to do though- my studies were more in ecology than medicine."

"That's fine." Chopper beamed. "Once this is built, we can learn together!"

"Aye…" I smiled and reached out to ruffle the reindeer's fur. Next stop, the bilge. And if any of Johnny and Yosaku's traps hit Choppy… A crazed grin crossed my face at the thought. I could always use more sparring partners. Ghin- while he still trounced my ass every time- was getting repetitive. It was time for some fresh blood.

X

By the time I left the galley, my eyes were spinning. I hadn't answered so many questions about genetics since my second-year microbiology exam. And not just that. Chopper was just so _curious_ , and talking science with him felt so _good_ … Before I knew it, I'd been drawing cell diagrams and tracing out the Krebs and Calvin cycles. The doctor also demanded that I show and tell everything I knew about anatomy, so he could begin comparing my biology to what he was used to on a large scale before getting into a molecular one. Between the two of us, we'd filled an entire notebook with diagrams and little info blurbs.

We'd even called in Johnny and Yosaku at one point to give them my plans, rather than heading down to the bilge mid-discussion. The hunters had squawked loudly at the designs I'd sketched out, but eventually decided that they could _probably_ build something like that. They'd try it out, at least. Although… In return, they'd demanded something they thought impossible- they wanted me to help them plan and pull off a prank that would not only go down in _history_ \- by which they meant actual history, as in the prank encompassed more than just members of our crew- _and_ would _not_ get Nami angry at us.

They thought it was impossible, but I had just the thing. And if it worked, not only would we avoid the sailing master's ire, but she would be _happy_ with us. So I smiled at their demand and told the hunters to be ready, and that we could pull something _grand_ in Water Seven.

All in all, it was nearly dinner time when Chopper suddenly jumped and hit himself in the forehead. "Ah! Sorry Jones; I almost forgot. It's still not healed enough for you to be training and such, but I can take your cast off now. The break's more or less gone. Just… Don't use your right arm for anything more strenuous than writing for at least a few days, okay?"

"I make no promises," I told him, holding out the limb in question. Chopper sighed and shook his head, but began cutting through the plaster anyway.

"Just, please, no sparring," he begged. "Usopp _told_ me what you and Ghin get up to sometimes."

"Fine, fine. I promise I won't start sparring right away." A day. I could wait at least that long. "You have my word as a practitioner of karate-do."

"And leave your training weights off for a while too!" the reindeer called after me as I headed back out onto the deck. I shook my head at that one. Silly Choppy… didn't you notice? I've been wearing them this whole time.

Since I'd managed to only promise that I wouldn't spar, I immediately headed for the mast. Time to try this again. This time instead of running at the mast, I planted both hands on it and increased friction before stepping up. The first few moments were awkward and uncertain- I still felt like I was going to peel off and fall over backwards- but by keeping my body close to the wood, I was able to crawl up like an ant. Or maybe a spider. It was hard, but manageable. My wrists and ankles _burned_ by the time I reached the yardarm, but it was a good burn. Like after doing a bunch of push-ups.

Swinging my legs over the yardarm, I settled in and paused for a break. Seconds later, Luffy swung up beside me, rubber smacking on wood as he landed. "Shishishishishi! That was pretty cool Jones! You can climb walls!"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." I rolled my eyes, but at the same time, I was smiling.

"Silly Jones; my name's Luffy, not Obvious." Luffy grinned and bounced, wrapping his legs around the yardarm and leaning back until he was hanging upside down. "Did you just learn to do that?"

"Yep. Friction's another force- it's not just the force of impact I get to play with. Which could be scary, considering…" I trailed off as I remembered the other forces I'd learned about in school. Scary, but useful. Still, I'd take it one at a time. This new thing with friction especially- if I didn't give myself plenty of time to master this, I could fall off something I was climbing, and I wouldn't always be working over something as friendly as the deck of the _Going Merry_.

Luffy nodded sagely, which looked ridiculous when he was still hanging upside down. "So… You gonna name this one?"

"Eh? No. Why would I? This isn't for combat; I'm just climbing a wall." I shook my head. "What _would_ I call it, anyway? Keppler's Headache? Fuck Off Gravity? Spider Climb?"

Luffy shrugged. "Just cause it's not usually a fighting thing doesn't mean you don't name it." My captain shot me a look that questioned my intelligence, which was _rich_ coming from him. "Like… I almost never use Gum-Gum Rocket in a fight anymore, but it's still cool, so I still use the name."

"And that's because it's cool, _not_ because Ace named it for you?" I asked, raising my eyebrow and snickering. Luffy stuck out his tongue at me.

"Stupid Jones, knowing everything… Stop that!"

"Sorry Captain; can't. I wouldn't be _me_ if I forgot everything I knew." A smug smirk grew on my face. " _Especially_ not if I forget everything I know about this world. You have no idea how much your story shaped me… How much it _helped_ me at times. And now, being here…" Gods above and below, I was going to cry. The tears welled up so suddenly… I couldn't let my captain see, couldn't let him think I might be weak. Rather than continuing, I channelled force through all four limbs and climbed again.

Up, up, up… Past the crow's nest, until I was perched on the very tip of the mast. Keeping my balance wasn't the easiest- as high as I was, the gentle sway of the wind and waves was magnified tenfold. But I'd been a figure skater for ten years; balance was my strong point. The Jolly Roger flapped below me as I curled into a ball, hiding my face in my knees. But at least I could be alone up there- or so I thought.

"Jones…" A glance downwards showed Luffy right below me, his limbs wrapped around the mast as he inched up like some great, rubbery caterpillar. A moment later he was on my back, hugging for all he was worth to keep from falling off. Warm rubber encased me nearly completely. My anxiety spiked at the initial contact, although it was soon buried by the need to adjust my balance so we didn't _both_ fall into the sea. Luffy's breath tickled on the back of my neck.

"Go away Captain. It's dangerous for us to be up here, especially with you clinging to me like that. Don't you need to steal some bacon from Sanji or something?"

Luffy ignored my words, although his stomach growled briefly when I said _bacon_. Rubber fingers twined themselves into my ponytail. "Jones… It's okay to cry, you know. We won't think less of you for it."

"Eh?" I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. "Wha- What're you talking about? I'm not crying."

"But-!"

"I'm _not_ ," I insisted, forcing the tears back. "You're just imagining things."

Luffy pouted. "I don't think so…" But despite continuing to cling to my back, he didn't push. Which was… nice. And besides, it's not like he could've done anything about these tears even if I'd been willing to say anything. There was no one for him to fight, no injury that could be cured by dragging me back to Chopper. These weren't pained tears. I was crying because it had finally _hit_ me- I had a _home_ here; I had _friends_ and _family_ and a place where, despite the danger we put ourselves in simply by flying a black flag, I felt _safe_.

For the first time in I-don't-know how many years, I had somewhere I _belonged_. How had it taken me this long to notice?

X

Predawn watch was always the worst- cold and clammy and so very, very _lonely_. Ruatha and I were the only ones awake on the ship, at least for another hour or two before Sanji got up to make breakfast. I yawned and shivered, hugging my dragonet closer for warmth. Not that he provided much, mind. He may not have been cold blooded, but he wasn't exactly warm blooded either.

"Malbrii!" Ruatha trilled, stretching his head over mine to peer at the horizon. I turned to see what he was looking at and smiled. Sunrise. It was always beautiful, the one upside of this particular watch shift. The sky glowed amber and red as the golden light painted the sea rich violet. I wished I had a camera, or maybe one of those visual den-den I knew existed. But no, Samsung was only a phone. That thought made me chuckle; back home, I'd said the same thing about my cellphone whenever someone would ask me if I had such-and-such an app. No smartphones for me, thanks; I had enough trouble with tech as it was.

Then I paused and considered the possible merits of smartphone den-den mushi, and setting up a sort of internet through the use of such. It wasn't a _bad_ idea per say- actually, it might be quite useful for sharing information between pirate crews and the Revolutionary Army. We'd just have to make sure no marines got in on it. But how…? Eh, I'd worry about that later. Need to do some research first, see if the idea was feasible, if it had been tried before… The scientist in me would enjoy the challenge.

Below me, the ship slowly came to life. First came light steps and the smell of baking bread from the galley; soon after, _Merry_ was covered in the sounds of stomping feet and laughter, the clatter of the anchor chain rising and shouts from Nami back to whoever was taking first shift at the helm. I think it was Yosaku that day. A screech from Miss Friday, followed by a yelp- someone had tried to pet the vulture. Off in the distance, there was a faint huff as a slanted whale spout puffed against the horizon. All in all, the air was quickly filled with the sounds and smells of _life_. It made me smile.

No one needed me on deck just yet, so I stayed in the crow's nest despite my watch shift being technically over. The sun continued to rise, the sky shifting from a painting of watercolour fire to brilliant, adventurous blue. Or at least, most of it. A large area straight ahead of us was full of dense, shifting fog as far as the eye could see. Even that was beautiful in its own way, the mist shining silver, blue, and green with the reflected rays of the sun. Still, if that was the way we were headed, it would make navigation difficult.

I climbed out of the crow's nest and slid down the mast, jogging up to the bow where Nami and the Unluckies stood. "Don't suppose we're changing course any time soon?"

Mr Thirteen shook his head and raised a sign. _Nope. Straight ahead. Why?_

Shrugging, I gestured forwards. "That mist looks pretty heavy is all."

Nami nodded without looking at me. "You didn't happen to see a way around it, did you Jones?"

"Nope. Sorry."

The sailing master sighed. "Then we'll have to go through. Just take it slow; for all we know, it's full of reefs and wrecks."

Concerned, I glanced at her map. "Are there supposed to be any in the area?"

That earned me a staff to the head; I absorbed most of the force with a wince, rubbing at the small sting leftover. Seriously… Would people please _stop_ hitting me in the head? My brain was my best weapon! "No, but that doesn't mean there aren't any! This is the Grand Line- you yourself called it the sea where sanity goes to die! Who _knows_ what sort of things could rise and fall? Even in a normal sea, a tectonic shift or a strong current can change the bottom in minutes."

"Sorry, sorry. I just don't remember there being any reefs or anything around here in ca- in my _visions_." I changed what I was going to say at the last minute, eyeing the Unluckies warily. "Although I admit, with Mr Thirteen leading us, we're probably not going exactly the route I expected."

Nodding, Nami put her staff away. "I- I'm sorry too. I don't know what came over me there; you were being dumb, but not enough to warrant a beating." The sailing master stared out at the mist and shuddered. "There's just… I'm a bit on edge this morning, and I don't know why."

"It's probably the mist," I said, reaching up to pat Ruatha on the head. "Sometimes bad weather can make anxiety worse; happens to me a lot."

"Yeah… Yeah, you're probably right. I'll feel better once the fog burns off. It's a sunny day with low humidity, it shouldn't take long." Nami turned tome and smiled. "Thanks Jones."

 **A/N: And here is where** _ **Crossing the Rainbow Mists**_ **fits chronologically in my story. Yes, I consider it canon enough to give it a little lead in from the main story, as well as a couple lasting consequences afterwards.**


	19. Epiphany

**Epiphany: a sudden revolutionary experience, or a work in which such an experience occurs**

 **gamelover41592: ^_^ Thank you.**

 **The Patient One: Thank you, mein Schatz. And thank you for your help with some difficult aspects of this chapter.**

 **Krazyfanfiction1: Thank you very much.**

 **Xipholynx: *smiles* Thank you. I'm glad my writing makes you smile.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Yes, Crossing the Rainbow Mists fits between Montage and Epiphany. And I hope my plans live up to your expectations.**

 **Taiski: *shrugs* Calculated risk. Sorry if it bothers people.**

 **GingerFury: Oh yes, Jones will be bringing more modern inventions to the One Piece worls, with a little help from her gadget-savvy crew matesd**

 **Lightsbane1905: I'm not planning to do all the movies, but I am doing a fair few, and Omatsuri is one of them. But it might not be as bad as you think— remember, that's one of the movies Jones does know, and in this fic, it would pit a biologist against a plant.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: ^_^ Thank you.**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it.**

 **TheCopyUniverse: Heh. Thanks. Yeah, forces aren't just for fighting. Playing with Jones' powers is lots of fun.**

 **Azurai Wolf: Indeed, we might just see that someday.**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Yeah... We'll see if the message sunk in. It's started, at least.**

 **GreenDrkness: Of course he is. He knows what it's like to be her— and has suddenly been put in Shanks' shoes. ^_^ Thank you.**

 **Draco Oblivion: ^_^ Thank you very much. And yes, I meant for the power of love to appear as a great motivator for Haki. Not that Luffy will be able to use it in battle just yet! As far as he knows, it's something he can only do to those he loves. For now.**

 **xanothos: Thank you very much.**

 **Partsu: Go right ahead.**

 **Bounty Hunters: It does, doesn't it? I'm glad I thought of that gag.**

 **Guest (July 5): Aw... I'm sorry I made you cry. And you don't need to apologize for your English; it was fine.**

 **Maximusace9: No, actually, she couldn't. He has more focused powers, and quality beats quantity. But I agree, in general, Jones' fruit has the potential to be ridiculously OP.**

 **WaterStar45: *shrugs* From what I saw in canon, Miss Goldenweek was young, lazy, and focused on her tea and artwork, becoming petulant if separated from either. And while I agree that it seems she could've achieved such a high rank with low combat abilities, in my experience, people who act like her don't tend to fight well, even when they're consistently in situations where they should learn. And the 3 pair was more focused on strategy and trickery. Heheheh... Yeah, Jones really needed to hear what Luffy said. I wanted to have a scene like that earlier, but... it wasn't time yet. Now it is. Jones was finally ready to hear that someone accepted her, that she had a home.**

 **Demon Shadow5000: Yes and no. I won't be abandoning any (okay, many) canon islands, but I fully intend to handle most of them in different ways. Some will work out better for the Straw Hats than others. As for romance... I'll just say I have plans relating to romance in this fic and leave it at that for now. Character progression... Yeah, that's trickier. I usually tend to let characters evolve on their own as I write, so it could take a while to see significant changes. And on the other end of the spectrum, we have major change events like Hockey!Chopper, and a tentative plan I'm working on to force Zoro into a hard decision between duty and honour. Yes, Jones will have a bounty; her epithet's already been chosen though. And thank you for those recommendations; I'll be sure to check them out when I have time.**

 **FairyGirl960: You need wait no longer.**

 **Twilight0Wanderer: Ah... *rubs back of head sheepishly* Yes it was. Oops... Even between me and Blue, we don't always catch everything. And yes, that's certainly a talk Jones will have to have with the crew sooner rather than later.**

 **Bardic Knowledge: Heh. Yes, that technique would work pretty well. And thank you. ^_^ Nope, not a Westerner; Ontario.**

 **The resident cat: Thank you very much. And yes, I do have fanart. Two, actually. One by Gerbilfriend, of Jones shortly after being pulled aboard the Going Merry, and one by Bluejay Blaze, of an anachronistic Jones and Ruatha pairing. Both can be found on Deviantart.**

 _A dark blue shadow held my hand as it led me through the hedgerows. It towered over me, with no face or features to be seen… And yet I wasn't afraid. Something about the shadow felt safe and warm, happy. Wherever it was taking me, it didn't want to hurt me. I got the feeling that it was trying to show me something, something important. But no matter how far I walked, we never seemed to get anywhere important._

… _Beep…_

The first sign of Alabasta was a thin gold band on the horizon, sand and pale cliffs barely visible between shades of blue. I blinked blearily at it as I emerged from the hold; the rising sun made the golden glow all the brighter. Ruatha trilled from my shoulder. "Malbrii! Malbrii!"

"And good morning to you too." Ghin came up beside me and patted my dragon. A wry smirk crossed his face. "So, Jones, looking forward to another day of hardtack and jerky?"

I made a face. _Three days_. It had been three days since we'd run out of other food, reduced to stereotypical ship's fare. If we'd taken much longer to get to Alabasta, things could've been… worrisome. Although it's possible that Chopper had something to stave off scurvy, at least in the short term, since he'd been forcing everyone to drink a weird tea every night. I couldn't identify any of the components by taste… It was bitter, and a little spicy though. Lisa flat-out refused to drink it until I threatened to make her spar with me and Ghin if she didn't.

Chopper still wasn't happy about that, but with what had happened the day after I got my cast off… Yeah, I figured it was fine.

"No thanks. Can't we get there any faster? I want real food." Even my secret stash of apples had run out, although at least now I had a decently sized collection of the seeds. Now I just needed a mortar and pestle…

"Sorry Jones." Ghin shook his head. " _Merry_ 's already going as fast as she can, and from the looks of things we'll be getting there this afternoon anyways. One or two more meals won't kill you."

"Says you." No, that one wasn't me. That was Luffy as he flopped on the rail beside us. The lack of good food was making him grumpy. Ghin shook his head.

"Patience, Captain."

Sanji served breakfast out on deck, so everyone could look up at the approaching land with hope. The cook didn't say much, hadn't for days, but at least now there was a small smile in place of the apologetic frown of yesterday. Even if no one was starving, he was no happier about the food situation than Luffy was. Artist's pride or something, maybe.

As soon as he was done eating, Mr Thirteen held up a sign. _You can get the rest of the way on your own, right? Now that you can see it._

Nami nodded. "Yeah… Thanks for all your help."

 _It was nothing. As I said, I like your Jones._ The otter hopped on the vulture's back. _We'll be going now then. The boss will be pissed enough as-is that we took so long._

Miss Friday screeched as she opened her wings, one mighty limb buffeting Johnny. The blue hunter squawked and rolled sideways into Yosaku; I swear Miss Friday snickered. Or maybe that we her way of letting Johnny know he was lucky she didn't eat him. Hard to say. She certainly looked as smug as any bird I've ever met. For a few brief moments wind whipped across the deck as the Unluckies rose into the air, until those mighty wings were too high to bother us anymore. Those of us with hats had to hold onto them for a few minutes to keep them from flying away.

I watched the Unluckies until they were barely specks against the sky. Oh, what I would give to be able to fly like that… It was bound to happen someday, but I had no idea how long Ruatha would take to get big enough. That, and no idea how to teach him to fly when I couldn't myself. I was a terrible dragon mother… No. I couldn't let myself think that. There would be a way; all I had to do was find it.

A few minutes later, someone's stomach growled. It could've been anyone's; I wasn't really paying attention. Sanji looked around those still assembled with a sigh. "Sorry guys, there's nothing left. It's a good thing we'll make land today; breakfast was the last of our supplies."

"Aww…" Usopp groaned quietly, but knew better than to add any words, lest his head have an unfortunate encounter with a steel-toed shoe. As it was, Nami heard him even if Sanji didn't.

"Oh please. If you're that hungry, just go fishing. There has to be _something_ in the water around here, even if mainland Alabasta's undergoing a drought." Nami glanced at her log pose and shook her head. The thing had been twitching side to side since we'd left Drum Island- and probably before; I couldn't know, having been unconscious- as if it were picking up more islands just over the horizon. It should set properly after a few days in Alabasta though.

Usopp took the sailing master's words to heart, pulling out a couple of fishing rods and parking himself on one of the rails. "Hey Luffy! Come help me! Let's catch something big for lunch!"

"Yeah!" The captain bounced happily and jumped up on the rail beside the gunner, grabbing a fishing rod before settling down. He was just about to cast it when he froze. "Wait… Usopp, you dummy! We don't have any bait! Even I know we need bait to fish!"

"But you're the one who _ate_ all the bait! Yesterday!" Usopp's whining drew Nami's attention. She sighed and snapped her staff together.

"How do you expect to catch anything if you can't _be quiet?!_ " _Crack!_ Wood met bone and rubber with a resounding noise. Luffy toppled over the rail, prompting Zoro to jump in after him. Usopp, meanwhile, collapsed to the deck with a groan.

"Hey! Don't beat me up- I just finished this! But maybe I don't feel like giving it to you anymore, if you're gonna be so mean." Usopp pulled three blue rods from his bag and snapped them together into a familiar staff. The _Clima-Tact_ , first prototype. Nami froze and stared at it.

"That's… for me?"

"Well, you did ask me to make you a weapon," Usopp shrugged, "Something that meant you could do stuff other than just support. But if you don't want it, I can always give it to someone else. Staff work can't be that hard to learn, and the _other functions_ have an instruction manual."

Freezing, Nami eyed the weapon. "That's…?"

"Yep."

"I take back every time I've hit you over the head, Usopp. You're brilliant." Nami dropped her staff and hugged Usopp, stunning the poor sniper. Then she grabbed the _Clima-Tact_ and began spinning it around. Sparks flew around the ends; the air heated up. "And you said there's an instruction manual?"

"Yeah. You should probably read it before using it in a fight. Or hitting anyone with it." Usopp handed Nami a notebook before flinching away, cautious of being hit. And if the sparks had anything to do with that Leyden bottle he'd been playing with a while ago, I didn't blame him.

Nami flipped through the manual with preternatural speed- I wasn't sure how she could absorb anything going that quickly, but she seemed to. Or at least, if the cool breeze that surrounded her in a brief spiral was anything to go by. Smiling, the sailing master shifted her grip on the staff, causing a small cloud to emerge from the end. It dissipated quickly. Nami's smile grew even broader. "Hey, Jones, you're all about training, right? Can I test something on you?"

"Okay." This was probably a bad idea, but my traitor mouth had yet to learn to say no to a friendly spar. And against Nami I might actually have a fighting chance. Or at least, so I thought until…

 _ZAP!_

My whole body went stiff as a jolt of electricity ran through me. I fell back onto the deck, my hair smoking. "Oww…" It took me a minute to be able to move again. When I could, I sat up and glared at Nami. "What was that for?"

"I had to test function seven."

"On _me?_ " Oh, that was gonna leave a mark. Although the small red spot made by the lightning bolt blended in so well with all the other scarring on my hands that no one would ever notice.

"Well, you or Luffy, but he's not available." Nami gestured at the rail, just in time for Zoro to come up, pulling Luffy with him. The bosun scowled. Yosaku brought him a couple towels, so Zoro could start drying himself and the captain off.

Folding my arms, I imitated Zoro's expression. " _Why?_ Luffy, I get- rubber's an insulator. You wouldn't be able to hurt him with a little bit of lightning. But _me?_ "

Nami shrugged. "Lightning is the most powerful form of static electricity; electricity is a force applied at a distance, like magnetism or gravity. I figured it would hurt you less than most people."

Well, I couldn't say for sure whether that was true or not. It definitely still _hurt_ though, and it still made my muscles seize up the way it would for anyone else. Rubbing the fresh burn on the back of my hand, I turned away, unable to respond. Nami giggled. Had I been back with the people I grew up with, that would've made me angry, would've hurt. But here… here, somehow it made me smile.

Ruatha chirped and licked my hand. "Aavrosii…" The dragon spit clung to my skin, thick and sticky. But it felt nice on the burn.

Luffy pouted as Zoro finally stopped scrubbing him with the towel. "Nami's new stick is cool and all, but we still need bait."

"What for? We'll be at Alabasta soon enough; missing one meal won't kill us." Ghin climbed up into the rigging to check on something. Sanji nodded in agreement with the rigger's words. A click of a lighter; smoke rings puffed into the air from the cook's cigarette. He had a bit of a sour look on his face; this whole thing with being short on supplies was hard on him, even if we were in no real danger from it.

"But I'm _hungry_ ," Luffy whined. He was met with mixed responses- Usopp, Chopper, and Lisa agreed with him, while the rest of the crew alternately snickered or rolled their eyes. Even Jack and Mairead laughed quietly. Vivi smiled and rolled her eyes, leaning back against Carue as the duck preened. Her quiet, hiccoughing laughter drew Luffy's attention. At first no one knew what the captain was thinking as a sly smile crossed his face; then Carue slowly went pale, feathers drooping.

"Quaaaack…" Rising to his feet, the duck backed away. He wasn't fast enough- Luffy flung himself on Carue in a flying tackle. Vivi squeaked in surprise as her duck was assaulted.

"Carue!"

"Jones! I need some of your tape!" Even with his rubbery limbs and great strength, Luffy was having a hard time containing the squirming poultry. I shook my head, laughing too hard to do anything.

"Sesehihihihihi!" I collapsed against the rails under the force of my own laughter, my recently-electrocuted muscles deciding to go limp. Johnny shot me an odd look.

"Is it just me, or has Big Sis been a lot more… _happy_ since she almost got eaten?"

Yosaku shrugged. "Maybe the T-Rex knocked a few screws loose?"

Lisa looked at both hunters in wide-eyed confusion. "Loose? I don't know if the screws are _there_. But… You mean she wasn't always like this? Cause the only times I've seen her that she wasn't, she was under the influence of my paints. Although… That was also the _first_ time I saw her."

The hunters glanced down at the painter in amazement. "Wait- do you think your _paints_ did this to Big Sis?"

"No!" Lisa squeaked and scrambled to put me between herself and the shell-shocked men. I shook my head and awkwardly rested my hand on her shoulder.

"She didn't do anything," I told Johnny and Yosaku, poking them in the foreheads to snap them out of their daze. "Just… Learned a few things as we've been travelling is all."

In the end, Luffy didn't manage to hold Carue and use the duck as bait. Which was probably a good thing; I don't know that I could've salvaged our alliance with Alabasta if my captain had gotten the leader of the Supersonic Duck Squadron eaten by fish. Disappointed, Luffy peered about for another option. Until…

"Hey!" I yelped and clapped my hand over the back of my neck, but I was too late. Rubber fingers untied my bandanna and snatched it away in a matter of seconds. "Give that back!" My neck felt bare, naked, _vulnerable_.

"Nope!" Luffy tied a corner of the red cloth around his fishing hook and cast his line. I froze halfway to the rails, unable to get there in time to stop my captain.

"You- I- Eeeeeh…" I wrapped a hand around my throat. Everyone stared at me.

"You alright Jones?" Zoro asked with a frown. I spun around and slammed a force-charged punch into his gut. The bosun grunted, but stood his ground.

"I'm _fucking_ fine." Even though I felt like I had eyes boring into the back of my neck, and like a knife might run across my ceratoid artery at any minute. That accessory was _practical_ , dammit! It _protected_ things, no matter what my mother said, and it helped keep me calm.

Deep breaths. Bandanna or no, I was in no danger here. I knew these people; none of them was likely to try and slit my throat. The brief thrill of fear was soon under control, although I still _wasn't happy_ with Luffy's choice of bait. I considered shoving him overboard in retaliation. That would only have made Zoro angry with me though.

Wait- why was I worried about Zoro being angry at me? Even if he was, he wouldn't hurt me; or at least, nothing permanent. Unfreezing, I stomped over to the rail and raised my foot. "Newton's Second!"

"Waaaaaaaaah!" Luffy flailed wildly as my force-charged kick sent him tumbling over the side. I snatched the fishing rod before it could fall in with him, reeling my bandanna in. Zoro growled and rushed past me, diving in after Luffy for the second time in half an hour.

Something heavy was on the end of the line. Had my bandanna actually caught a fish? Well, at least it was red; blood and things weren't likely to stain it. I hauled- and hauled even harder as I realized how _big_ the thing Luffy had hooked was. It had to weigh at least as much as I did, if not more. Gritting my teeth, I heaved as hard as I could, my back and arms burning. For a moment, nothing happened. Then there was a slurping, sucking splash from down below as something was pulled clear of the water. That lessened the resistance I had to pull against. Pink and blue flew over my head as I stumbled back.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The pink and blue thing crashed down on top of Jack with a shrieking yell. Mairead snickered.

"Ack!" I fell back on my ass as I overbalanced, the fishing rod flying clear of my hand. Zoro, just coming over the rails with Luffy in tow _again_ , snorted at me.

"You deserved that."

Yeah. I probably did. Groaning, I rolled to my feet, rubbing my tailbone on reflex, even though it didn't hurt. Across the deck from me, a ballerina leapt to his feet and offered Jack his hand.

"So sorry dear boy! I didn't see you there- not that I could've done anything if I had. Can't say I would've rather been left in the water though- Devil Fruit user, you know. Can't swim and all that. Thank you for pulling me out."

Bentham. Mr Two. Bon Kurei. The okama straightened, pulling Jack to his feet, and began fiddling with his overcoat. Once the pink monstrosity was straight and he'd assured himself of its cleanliness, the okama took a long look around… Before jumping up with a small shriek. "Ah! Mr Nine! Miss Monday! Mr Three said you were killed by pirates! How dare you let me believe you were dead? Naughty, naughty, naughty!"

Mr Two moved as if to slap Jack, like a jilted heroine in a two-bit B-movie. Only, with his powers… Yeah, there was more to it than that. What exactly Bentham knew or suspected, I had no idea, but just in case… I bolted over and grabbed the okama's hand before he could make contact with Jack's face. He froze and stared at me, muscles going stiff beneath my fingers.

"What?"

Future ally or not, I couldn't let him threaten the crew. My voice came out a rattling growl when I addressed Mr Two. "Don't you dare."

"Don't I dare what?" Bentham batted his eyelashes, falsely innocent. Gods above and below, he wore so much mascara… I was surprised none of it flaked off as he moved. It felt like I should've been covered in black snow.

"Playing dumb won't work on me." I gripped Mr Two's wrist more tightly and pulled him away from Jack. "I know your powers- how they work, what they do. And mark my words, if you steal any of my friends' faces, Ivankov will _never_ welcome you to Kamabakka Kingdom."

"What?" Bentham's eyes went wide and pale as he tried to figure out what I was talking about. "But how-?"

"I have one of xyr coworkers on speed-dial." I released his wrist; Mr Two didn't move. "Or were you asking why xe wouldn't welcome you? Because I'm pretty sure Iva-chan won't be happy if you hurt xyr best-friend-slash-boss' son and his friends."

Mr Two shrank in on himself as he looked around, not comprehending what I was talking about. Everyone else looked equally confused. The okama, caught off guard, questioned me in a small voice. "Actually… I was going to ask how you knew about my powers and such."

Lisa smiled and grabbed my hand, giggling. To me it seemed mildly endearing, but from the look on Bentham's face, he was seeing one of the creepy ghost kids from a Steven King special. "Jones is a witch!" The little girl bounced on her toes, grinning broadly. I patted her head.

"Well, there you are Bentham." No point in _not_ using his real name, since I was going full out this time. "I know your powers, your dreams, your fate… Which means I can tell you for sure that if you continue on this path, you'll end up seeing six and a half layers of Hell."

"Six and a half layers?" Usopp cocked his head to the side, puzzled. I waved him off.

"Don't question it." Although, since layer five and a half was Newkama Land- a paradise in the midst of Hell- should I be adding a half or deducting it? Now I was confused too.

Pale and confused, it took several minutes for Bentham to say anything. I could nearly _see_ the gears turning in his head. And when he finally started speaking again, his look of confusion morphing into a small smile, _I_ was the one thrown off guard. Largely because of the sudden invasion of personal space as the okama reached out and grabbed my chin, tilting my face up so he could get a good look at my face. "Are you a boy or a girl?"

"Yes." I did my best not to _show_ how badly I was thrown off, forcing a smirk onto my face as I tried to pull away. Bentham's fingers were stronger than they looked though; I couldn't escape. And with him so close to my face, I could barely thing clearly. I just wanted out, out, _out._

For some reason, the only truly coherent thought I had for several minutes was that I was still missing my bandanna.

"Oh, you poor dear. All those scars… Those unfortunate eyebrows… And your glasses- have you ever tried getting contacts? The rest of you isn't much to look at, but your eyes… It's such a pity to hide eyes like that behind those thick lenses. And perhaps, if we could cover up most of those scars… Yes, you might not be too bad." Raising his other hand, Bentham ran it through my hair. "Ooh, and you have natural highlights! I know people back home who'd _kill_ for those!"

"Let…" It took a minute, but I finally found my brain to be able to respond. "Let me go!" I finally managed to pull away, diving across the deck to retrieve my bandanna and tie it back around my neck. Ah, that was better. Then my whole body went stiff with shock. Spinning in place, I pointed an accusing finger at Mr Two.

"Oi! You stole my face!"

"Gaaaaaahhahahahaha!" Bentham winked and blew a kiss at me; I stepped out of the way, just in case. "Oh, aren't you a clever dear? But not clever enough, otherwise you wouldn't have let me touch you in the first place."

Growling, I debated whether I should pull out my sais or not. This conversation _wasn't_ going the way I wanted it to. But… This was still an ally. I should try to avoid fighting him. "I told you, if you stole any of my friends' faces, you'd be on your way to six and a half layers of Hell."

"But you didn't include _your_ face, now did you?" Smug… I wanted to slap the smirk right off Mr Two's face. But I mustn't attack allies… I _mustn't_ attack allies. Ruatha crooned and rested his chin on my head as I fumed.

A warm hand came to rest on my shoulder- Ghin. His fingers dug into my clavicle. "Jones… What're you two talking about? Stealing _faces?_ Your face is still there."

"Oh, _that's_ not what she means, darling." Bentham waved a hand. "Here; I'll show you, as thanks for pulling me out of the ocean."

Twirling in place, the okama changed with a small pop. Instead of short, black hair, his face was suddenly surrounded by swirling blonde. Bentham was suddenly much shorter, his makeup gone, black eyes replaced by a familiar brown-flecked grey. And the scars matched perfectly, like looking in a mirror. What Mr Two _didn't_ have, due to being unable to mimic clothing and accessories, was my glasses- although from his sudden flailing, he certainly had my _vision_.

"Oh my! No wonder you have such horridly thick glasses." Bentham paused, staring blankly into the distance. And I knew that's what he was doing, rather than trying to focus on anyone's face- there was no way he _could've_ focused on anyone, at that distance. One hand crept down between his legs, while the other rose to his chest. "Oh- you're a girl. Physically, at least."

"Gah! You-!" Okay, that's it. To Hell with the whole "not attacking allies" thing. This meant war! I lunged for Mr Two, my snarl twisting my scars tight. I didn't even know what I was going to _do_ to him- just that he'd taken things a step too far and he was going to _pay_.

With my lack of planning, it was probably a good thing that Ghin held me back and kept me from doing something I'd regret. One arm wrapped around my waist, while the other clamped over my mouth.

I still got my satisfaction though. Or rather, Nami did it for me, bringing the _Clima-Tact_ down on Bentham's head. The new weapon sparked as it made impact; Mr Two slammed face-first into the deck, losing control over his transformation as he did so. "Ow!"

"Don't grope people in public! Pervert!"

"Ergh…" Mr Two rolled over, smoking. "You save me, then electrocute me… What kind of people _do that?_ "

"The kind who you _turn into_ and then _grope!_ " Nami snapped the words that I couldn't get out. Thank you, thank you, most lovely of navigators. "Seriously, on seven out of ten islands that would count as sexual harassment."

Why did Nami know so much about inter-island la- oh. Probably so she could take advantage of any clauses and loopholes that would allow her to sue people or con them out of their money.

"Ah… I see your point." Bentham sat up slowly. "My apologies- where I come from, such things aren't uncommon. I suppose I'm from one of the three out of ten."

Nami didn't look ready to forgive him- and to be honest, I wasn't either. I mean, who _would've_ been? Although having been held in place for a minute, my ability to think rationally was returning. I was no longer about to jump on Mr Two and… still don't know what I would've done to him, honestly. Ghin seemed to sense this, as he released his hold on me… and marched over to punch Bentham back into the deck.

"Yow!"

" _That's_ better," my honorary big brother said with a smirk. The okama stood again, rubbing his head.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Does anyone else want to hit me?" Bentham pouted. One by one, my crew mates shook their heads. Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Yosaku… The negative response went on until it was Lisa's turn. Considering quietly, the little girl directed a dangerous smile at her former superior. Then she pulled out her paintbrush and splashed Mr Two with bright streaks.

"Calming Green! Truthful Turquoise!"

Vivi raised her eyebrows at Lisa's choice of colours. "Truthful-? Do we need to question him?"

I glanced at the princess and shook my head. Gods above and below, she was worse than me, and that takes _effort_. "Really Vivi? Flamboyantly dressed okama with the power to copy faces? Doesn't ring a bell? Those swans on his shoulders even look like the number two."

"Oh- oh!" The princess smacked her hand to her forehead. "I can't believe I missed that. Thank you, Lisa, Jones." Oh wow, genuine positivity towards not just me, but Lisa too. Vivi was making great progress.

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other, at loss. "Um… What?"

Sanji kicked them both in the head with a huff. The cook lit a fresh cigarette. "Idiots… Didn't you hear what Jones said about the swans looking like the number two? When the guys in the organization we're here to fight sometimes have _numbers_ for _names?_ "

"Oh…" The hunters stared up at the cook with dawning comprehension.

Zoro drew _Wado Ichimonji_ and flicked the blade towards Mr Two. "So… Do we question him, or just take him out early?"

"Did you not _hear_ which paints I used?" Lisa planted her hands on her hips and glared up at the bosun. " _Truthful Turquoise_ \- there's a couple things we should ask him. Like whether Mr Three's reported in yet."

"He hasn't," Bentham supplied helpfully, a dazed smile on his face.

Sanji nodded. "And that phone call Jones and I overheard mentioned some sort of shitty device or plan only Three could pull off. Any idea what that is?"

"Nope, not a clue." The okama made a face. "Mr Three and I aren't exactly close, and I don't pay much attention to his schemes. They're so ugly… I don't know how he can call such stiff, immobile things art. Art is _dance_ , is _music_ \- the things that bring people together and make _them_ a part of the beauty." He looked like he was poised to go on, but a glare from Zoro shut him up.

Usopp, leaning on a rail, suddenly jumped to his feet. "Ah! Ship to port, coming in fast! Swan-shaped!"

Tabarnak. We were almost out of time, and we hadn't really befriended Bentham yet. But… This intelligence could be important. I turned to the okama quickly, needing the answer to one last question. "What about the Five Pair? Have they reported in? Where are they?" Okay, make that two questions.

"Yes, they reported that Whiskey Peak was devoid of frontier agents, with the local billions crippled- practically wiped out. They're currently on standby in Alubarna, preparing for the great battle once our preparations with the rebellion are complete." If Lisa hadn't hit him with Calming Green before Truthful Turquoise, Bentham probably would've been horrified with his inexplicably loose lips- _I_ would've been, in his situation. As it was, I don't think he could feel anything through the green splashed across his face.

Vivi's eyes went wide at the mention of the rebellion; the princess rushed forwards and grabbed Mr Two by the lapels of his coat. "The rebellion? You have plans with the rebellion?"

"Not me personally, but Mr Zero _orchestrated_ the whole thing."

Releasing her grip, Vivi took a couple staggering steps back. She stumbled into Carue, leaning on the duck's flank for support. "I- Jones, I thought you said they'd only _infiltrated_ the rebellion and guards."

I shook my head. "I said they'd done that, not that infiltrating was the _only_ thing they'd done. Sorry Vivi… I know a lot, but I can't know everything." Although, now that I thought about it, the idea of Crocodile orchestrating the rebellion in the first place sounded familiar. I knew he was behind the stuff with the dance powder, but was there more? Eh, either way, kicking his ass and the asses of the officer agents would put a stop to things.

The swan boat was almost upon us; I could see Mr Two's backup dancers rushing about like mad to bring it alongside the _Merry_. Okay, desperate times called for desperate measures. We needed the okama as an ally if not a friend… "Bentham, we're here to save Alabasta. I know you're only in it to try and find Ivankov… I know where xe is. Your men are here for you now, but if you ever want me to tell you… Come find us. If you come in peace, I'll help you find xem."

Bentham shot me a confused look. He was interrupted before he could say anything though, as the enthusiastic cries of his backup dancers washed over us. The colourfully dressed men above cried tears of joy when they saw their commanding officer was alright. "Ah! Mr Two! We were so worried- when you went in the water, we thought you were done for!"

Wow. They spoke in sync even better than Johnny and Yosaku. Had they been choreographing on their way towards us?

"Thank you, dears! You're lovely!" A smile growing across his face, Mr Two stepped up on the rail of the _Merry_ and blew his backup dancers a kiss as their ship drew alongside. "You needn't worry though; these lovely folks pulled me out."

The okama twirled in place and leapt from one ship to the other; his backup dancers cheered, tears in their eyes. "Thank you! Thank you for saving our beloved captain!"

"You're… welcome?" Everyone on the crew looked a little confused, Nami speaking for all of us. I probably had a different reason than the rest- while I'm sure everyone else was confused by the sheer WTF of encountering a whole crew of crossdressing ballerinas, _I_ was puzzled by the fact that Mr Two was even _here_ if Mr Three hadn't reported in yet, or been declared missing. Hadn't he been encountered while he was on his way to or from retrieving Galdino?

Eh, it didn't matter. He could've been fishing or something; whatever it was, it didn't change what I said, or what my crew would have to do. Unless Bentham changed his actions later down the line, but that was Sanji's problem. Probably.

Bentham turned to look back us as the ballerina ship began to pull away. "I _do_ owe you, you know- Devil Fruit and all that, can't swim. I won't forget that. And you, Highlights, what you said… I have my reservations about you, but if you're telling the truth… I would very much like the help you offered. For now… toodles!" The okama waved, a delicate motion of is fingers accompanied by a toothy smile.

Soon afterwards, the swan boat pulled well away from us, propelled by its large, flower-patterned paddlewheels. Everyone on the _Going Merry_ watched it go, blinking slowly, not saying a word. Until…

 _Thwack!_

"Ow!" I rubbed the back of my head. At least Nami hadn't used the electrical function again. "What was that for?"

"They had _power!_ And they're heading back towards _land!_ Would it have killed you to ask them to give us a tow?" The sailing master shook her head, spinning the _Clima-Tact_ around like she was debating hitting me with it again. Then she sighed and stopped, tapping her weapon against the deck.

"Sorry! In my defense, I'm not sure where they are on a scale of ally to enemy- probably somewhere around neutral. And hitting me won't make me any less likely to forget things!" Not that I'd been thinking about that in reference to the _paddlewheels_ of all things, but still.

Nami blinked, then shook her head with a wry smile. "I suppose you're right. But you should really try harder when it comes to these things."

Clap. Clap. Clap. Luffy applauded slowly, his mouth hanging open in awe. "You- you got Nami to stop hitting you? Cool!"

The sailing master snorted. "I doubt it'll last."

"And I've already gained _you_ hitting me, so I don't see how Nami standing down helps," I muttered. That made Luffy pout at me.

"I'm not gonna do that a lot! Only when Jones does stupid things!"

Opening my mouth, then closing it, I sighed and slumped. Now was not the time to go down that rabbit hole. Besides, I doubted I'd ever win an argument with Luffy about something like this. Vivi cornered me when I went to wander off, her eyebrow raised.

"So… How exactly to you get to say anything about _me_ forgetting who Mr Two was when _you_ don't think of everything either?" Vivi's mouth quirked down in sort of a reverse-smirk. I don't know what to call the expression. Her voice wasn't accusing though, just unamused. "From that discussion, it hardly seems this was the first time."

"It's not." I flinched. "I don't forget often, but every once in a while, I have a… moment. Ketchup moments, I call them, after something I did when I was younger."

"I see." Vivi shook her head and left me alone, going up to the poop deck. Carue went with her; the princess began preening her duck with her fingers, humming softly as she did.

With a few hours at least until we made landfall, I was a little bit at loss. I considered fishing, but we'd be getting to town and splitting off later; as much as I was eager for something other than hardtack and jerky, I could wait a little. Besides, I'd never managed to catch a fish in my life. Weeds, the dock, the back of the boat, Bentham… Pretty much anything _but_ fish I could catch, but food? Never. I don't know why. So instead of fishing, I sat down, leaning against the mast and pulling out one of my books.

Not that I got to read for very long. A shadow fell across me, the sound of a low cough drawing my attention upwards. When I looked up, Zoro's dark gaze met mine. The bosun folded his arms. He had a small smile on his face. I raised an eyebrow. "Can I help you?"

"Ah, just thinking. You know, when you first came aboard and told us your talent was with word fights, I thought you'd be more or less dead weight. But talking to people actually has its uses, doesn't it?" Zoro snorted with amusement. "Not that it always seems to go the way you expect."

I shrugged. "As Luffy would probably say, it'd be boring if I knew how _everything_ would work out. And I can't say I mind the fighting stuff when talking won't work." My crazed grin split my face. Zoro laughed.

"Yeah…" The swordsman reached out and patted my shoulder. I fought the urge to flinch away. This was Zoro; Zoro was safe… My anxiety receded into a small coil in my gut. It felt like it was going to sleep, almost like a little snake. The bosun stood there for a moment, his hand heavy on my shoulder. It felt like he had something that he wanted to say. He didn't though; after a few minutes, he pulled back and wandered away.

X

We were maybe half an hour from shore. I was halfway up the mast, clinging, trying to see how long I could stay up with the power of friction as the crew mulled about below me. Luffy and Usopp were fishing again, this time using long ribbons of canvas as lures. The captain was whistling and swinging his legs back and forth. Beside him, the gunner drooped. I didn't blame him- as we grew closer and closer to Alabasta's shores, the temperature was skyrocketing. I'd long since rolled up my pants and sleeves, tying up my shirt like I had back on Little Garden.

It still wasn't enough. Everything was so hot, so dry… And my skin was heating up in an uncomfortable way. I've never burned easily, and by that point I was tanned from my time at sea, but this… I was going to have a doozie of a sunburn. Should've left my sleeves and that down- but it was just too _hot_. Maudit, what I would've given to be able to swim. At the moment, it felt like my Devil Fruit was more trouble than it was worth.

Just as I was thinking that, Luffy let out a whoop. "Yeah! I caught something!"

A shadow rose up between the _Going Merry_ and the sun, spraying cool drops of salty water. I was grateful for the tiny flecks of relief, though I really wished there'd been more. Below me, Usopp squeaked and pointed at the giant _thing_ that had risen from the sea.

"AH! What the Hell's _that?_ "

As big as a whale, covered in white fur with a green belly. One paw rose out of the water, gently tugging out the hook that had latched into a great, pointed ear. The adorable face pouted cutely and let out a whine that was enough to shake the _Merry_ 's rigging. Vivi looked up from the poop deck in awe.

"That's a sea cat… They're legendary creatures, sacred to the goddess Bastet. I never thought I'd see one…" The princess bowed at the cat, mumbling prayers in a language I didn't understand as she fell to her knees. She clutched at something around her neck, a pendant of some sort worn underneath her shirt.

My hands twitched; I lost my focus on my powers and fell to the deck. Landing in a roll, I came to my feet and bounced onto the rail. Hands swiped for the back of my shirt as I moved, missing by millimeters as I took a flying leap off the ship, my powers giving me an extra boost. Ghin's voice followed me as I flew through the air.

"Jones! What're you doing?"

"KITTY!" I landed in soft, wet fur, cool and oily. Clinging to the massive, soft body, I nuzzled the top of the sea cat's head. It was so cute! I just wanted to hug it and snuggle it _forever_. Kitty, kitty, kittykittykitty! I missed my cat so much… Yes, I had Ruatha and I loved him lots, but no pet can just _replace_ another. And yes, that means I knew this sea cat could never replace Rusty either, but still… Kitty.

"You're so cute, yes you are! I'm gonna call you Bluestar!" Oh, those giant ears were so velvety soft. There was a ring of gold pierced through one- old, the ear around it well healed and cared for. It didn't seem to bother Bluestar, so I left it be.

Everyone stared at me; Vivi leapt to her feet, affronted. "Jones! Get down from there! You can't just- just _cuddle_ a sacred beast! It's- it's not _right!_ "

"But he's so _fluffy!_ " I crawled across the cat's head and removed the fishing hook from its ear. Bluestar began to purr as I rubbed behind his ears, great eyes closing as the feline mouth curled up in a smile.

"Mrrrrrrow!"

"Monah! Zokulaad!" Ruatha squawked loudly from the deck. My dragonet bounced up and down, flapping his little wings and lashing his tail back and forth.

Nami shook her head and sighed. "You can't keep him, you know."

That comment _horrified_ Vivi. " _Keep him?_ You can't _own_ a sacred creature! And- how do you even know it's _male?_ "

I shrugged. Okay, so I didn't really know what gender Bluestar was. Since I couldn't swim anymore, checking would be difficult. Peering over the edge of the sea cat's head, I frowned down at Nami. "I know... No more pets until I get my own place…"

"Oh, it's not that. The cat's just too big- he'd never fit on the _Merry_." Nami leaned on the rail and reached out to pet Bluestar's tail. "He _is_ cute- and surprisingly well-behaved for a wild animal."

"Mrrrrrrow!"

Usopp sweatdropped. "You too Nami? Really? Do all girls-?" The gunner turned to Lisa only to droop a second later, deflating like a balloon. Why? Because the little painter was jumping up and down at the rails, her eyes morphing into tiny stars.

"I wanna pet the kitty too!" Lisa stretched out her arm, but was too short to reach. Sighing and rolling his eyes, Ghin picked her up and held her over the side. The painter hummed happily as she stroked Bluestar's side. "Thanks, Ghin!"

"Any time."

Shaking his head, Usopp let out a sigh. Sanji snorted and blew a smoke ring at him. "What? You're seriously surprised by this at this point? And why does it bother you so much anyways?"

"Huh? I- I don't know…" The gunner shook his head. "Kaya never did anything like this…"

"Kaya was stuck inside and your home island didn't have much in the way of interesting animals," Zoro reminded him. Usopp nodded thoughtfully.

Oh, I had an idea… Not that we needed it, but it would be cool, and might make an impression on the locals. I rubbed the edge of Bluestar's ear. "Hey buddy… Could you pull us into port?"

"Mrah?" The tilt of his head as Bluestar tried to look up at me nearly threw me off. I clung onto his fur and increased friction so I wasn't thrown off.

Vivi let out an offended squawk. "Jones, what part of _sacred creature_ don't you understand? You can't just _ask him to do something?_ Just get down from there- we'll be in port in half an hour, if not less!"

Ignoring the princess, I continued petting and scratching at thick fur. "If you do, I'll buy you tuna," I offered.

"Mrah? Mou rou. Prrrrrrng."

"He says he'll hold you to that," Chopper translated, looking up from a medical text. The little reindeer was snuggled against one of Nami's tangerine pots, doing his best to stay out of the sun. Despite the heat, he still refused to remove his hockey jersey. "And he wants a ball of yarn too."

"Of course! Anything for the adorable little fluffball!" I rubbed my cheek against the great, pointed ear beside me. "Oh! And someone should furl the sails and flag- it's time to go undercover."

"On it, Big Sis!" Johnny and Yosaku ran to do as I'd suggested. Mairead stared after them.

"Undercover? You kids go _undercover?_ " The muscular woman couldn't hide her disbelief.

"Yeah." Sanji nodded. "Jones' idea- avoid the shitty marines as long as possible. It seems to be working well enough so far. Even when we _do_ meet them, they don't usually bother us. We even get money from them sometimes by sending in Mossball and the hunters- they're still registered with the World Government as bounty hunters."

Mairead whistled. "Clever…"

"Mrah!" Bluestar darted forwards and grabbed the _Merry_ 's anchor between his teeth. Pulling the chain out slightly so it looped back over his shoulder, the sea cat turned and swam for shore, hauling the ship along in his wake. Luffy bounced to the figurehead and hung upside down from his special seat, clinging to his hat and giggling like mad.

"Shishishishishishi! Yay! I love it when we do this!"

While most of the crew looked confused at his outburst, Ghin smirked. "Heh. Seem familiar, Shit Cook?"

"Oh, go chase a cat War Dog." Despite his words, Sanji was smiling as he leaned on the rail.

"Already doing that." The rigger leaned over the side slightly, trailing his hand through the waves whipped up by our passage.

" _Familiar?_ " Jack asked with a squawk. "You've done this _before?_ "

"Not all of us," Zoro snorted. He waved at me, Luffy, Sanji, and Ghin. "Just those four. Although I think they said it was a cow last time."

"Sea cows are sacred to Hathor," Vivi said in a small voice, clutching once more at whatever pendant she wore under her clothes. "Have you _no_ respect for the sacred creatures _at all?_ "

Mairead laid a hand on the princess' shoulder. "To be fair, if what Mr Ei- Igaram told me is true, you could swing a stick around here and you'd probably hit a sacred creature."

Vivi shook her head. "That's not true! Only the sea beasts and the sun vultures are truly sacred- although every creature is _connected_ to one of the gods."

I have to admit, only a small corner of my mind was paying attention to the conversation taking place back on the _Merry_ , and that I soon lost track of what was going on. Why? Because I was riding the head of a giant sea cat as he races through the waves. It was both awesome and adorable. I clutched my hat to my head to keep it from being blown away. "Sesehihihihihi!"

Pulled by Bluestar, it didn't take the _Going Merry_ long at all to reach port. The cat released the anchor shortly before hitting the pier, moving to the side and letting the ship slide by under her own momentum. Wood thumped echoingly against wood; I winced at the damage to _Merry_ 's hull, however minor. A great white paw reached up and nudged me as my crew mates dropped anchor and secured the ship- I wasn't sure both were necessary, but to each his own. Docking wasn't my job. Bluestar waited until I climbed onto his paw, then placed me gently on the end of the pier. I patted the massive, velvety appendage.

"Thank you so much fluffy. I'll bring you some tuna and yarn when we come back to the ship, okay?"

"Myah!" Bluestar licked me once. It was like being rubbed all over with a towel made of damp sandpaper- very rough sandpaper too, as it rubbed a couple patches of my skin raw, most notably the back of my hands. Then the sea cat sank beneath the waves, golden eyes glittering.

I rejoined my crew as everyone disembarked. Hands on her hips, Nami took control. "Okay. Jones, make a list of supplies for whoever goes shopping. Vivi… Where are we?"

Saluting the sailing master, I pulled out a pen and paper and got to work. The princess looked around. "This is Nanohana, our biggest port city. From here, we need to find the rebels so we can try to diffuse the situation- I think they should be in Yuba. Their leader, Kohza- that's where he's from."

Vivi glanced at me as she spoke, as if asking me to speak, what I knew. I very carefully focused on my lists, keeping my face blank. I couldn't tell her that the rebels had moved to Katorea, not yet. But despite my poker face- which I know for a fact is pretty good- Vivi had spoken with me enough in the past to know I was hiding _something_. "Jones… You once told me you knew where Kohza and the rebels would be when we got to Alabasta. Does that mean they _aren't_ in Yuba?"

Tabarnak. "Whether they are or not, we need to go there. There's something we need to pick up, and we'll be needed at Rain Dinners before the rebels are ready to make a move anyway."

" _WHAT?_ " Vivi reached out to grab my bandanna on instinct, stopping at the last instant rather than try and strangle me as she once would've. "We need to go to _Rain Dinners?_ You know that's _Crocodile's_ casino, right? We'd be walking into a _trap!_ "

"It's only a trap if he's ready for us." I looked up from the shopping list. "And yes, I'm well aware that Crocodile's prepared the place as a trap for generic intruders, even if he's not expecting us specifically. If we're careful, we can avoid them, and deal an early blow against him. We might even be able to take Crocodile out early, although I doubt it."

"And what if we do something completely different?" Vivi wanted to know. I blinked in confusion.

"Eh?"

"These things you know- from your visions, or however you get all this information- they seem to follow a pretty specific path of events. I can see it sometimes, how surprised you get by certain things, things that go off the rails, and Ghin's mentioned something about you knowing how much you can change things. So…" Here Vivi frowned at me- concerned and cautious, but also sly and considering. "What would happen if we _ignored_ your visions, hmm? If we did this someone else's way?"

Abandon the stations of the canon _completely?_ I had no _idea_ what would happen if we did that- and I doubted other me was comfortable enough at this point to do that yet. But at the same time, it might be better… or worse. I bowed my head. "I- I have no idea. What I know is that the rebels and the army have both been infiltrated by Baroque Works, so approaching either group without taking out Crocodile and his officers first _could_ lead to us being killed. I _don't_ know who the infiltrators are- no faces or names. I know _one_ of Crocodile's backup plans, but from the snail call Sanji and I overheard, there's at least one other that I know nothing about. And there are a few people running around who were already out of the picture in my- my visions, plus Smoker's not here…" I shrugged helplessly.

No one said anything for a long minute; the only movement was Ruatha scrambling up onto my shoulders and nibbling on my hat. I stared down at the pier, unwilling to meet my crew mates' eyes. I was worried about what I'd see there- disappointment, most likely. "Sorry…"

"Sorry for what?" Ghin poked me in the forehead, which had the side-effect of forcing me to look up at everyone.

I shrugged. "Sorry for not knowing… Not knowing what would happen."

Luffy snorted. "Jones is being stupid. We _don't care_ what you know or don't know- not knowing what's coming makes things more fun."

One by one, everyone nodded. Nami smiled as she took the shopping list I'd been working on. "Of course," the sailing master said dazedly as she skimmed over what I'd written, "We still need to decide what we're doing and how."

Sticking his tongue out, Luffy bashed his fists together with a rubbery thud. "I'd rather kick Crocodile's ass than try and find assassins. Zoro?"

"Same." The bosun yawned. "If we go find the rebels like Vivi wants, we'll probably just end up talking the whole time. Not my thing."

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other, then raised their hands. "Um… Why do we have to do one or the other?" the blue hunter asked. His partner nodded.

"Yeah. Aren't there enough of us to do both? Like, we get supplies, then half of us go to these Yuba and Rain Dinners places, and the other half go to the rebels. As long as no one's ever _alone_ , we can take on any assassins, right?"

I froze, stunned, my mouth falling open with a hiss. Why hadn't _I_ thought of that? We _had_ a crew roughly twice the size it would've been in canon- we should be able to get twice as much accomplished. Tabarnak… I smacked myself in the forehead a few times as I came to the realization that the _hopeless bounty hunters_ had just been the _voice of wisdom_. That _hurt_.

Luffy beamed and clapped the hunters on the shoulder. "Shishishishi! That's a great idea!"

Nami nodded. "Alright then. We'll get our supplies, then meet back up here in a few hours to split off for Operation Save Alabasta. Sanji, Chopper, you're on food and medical supplies. Ghin, Lisa, you pick up travelling clothes. Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku, miscellaneous gadgets and supplies. Vivi, you're with me on maps and travel information. Zoro, guard the ship."

"What?!" the bosun's indignant yelp was lost under the far louder chorus that was Jack, Mairead, Luffy, and I combined.

"WHAT ABOUT US?!"

"Please- I know better than to let you go wandering off." Nami patted Zoro on the head. "Finding you again would take too long. As for you four- Jones, take Luffy to a restaurant or something and get him something to eat. It'll keep him quiet until the rest of us are done. Jack and Mairead… I don't know. You try and pick up some intel on Baroque Works' and the rebels current movements. It might help, since Jones says she doesn't know everything."

"But-!"

"They can't _all_ know you're travelling with us yet," Nami interrupted before Jack could get going. "That Mr Two fellow can't _possibly_ have informed _every_ agent in Alabasta in a few hours; if you lay low, you should be fine."

"Laying low isn't exactly our strong point," Mairead sighed. And she was right- people were bound to notice a wannabe prince wandering around with an amazon who was nearly seven feet tall, at least this early on the Grand Line. "We were more search and retrieval agents than actual espionage."

"Just do your best," Nami huffed. "If you get in trouble, yell really loud and blow something up. Some of us will come get you."

Jack frowned. "How do we know-?"

"Trust me, for this crew, that always works." The sailing master shot an amused look at Luffy and Zoro. Neither noticed; the former was bouncing in place, impatient to be off in search of a restaurant, while the latter was grumbling about being left to guard the ship. As a last-minute whim, I left Ruatha behind to keep Zoro company. My little dragon needed to learn to follow orders he didn't like, after all, no matter how much he whined and stared at me with his big, blue eyes.

X

"So, what would you like to eat?" I walked slightly behind Luffy as we wandered through Nanohana, gripping his hand and staring at the ground. I had my bandanna pulled up over my nose- the streets of this town _reeked_. There was perfume _everywhere_. Lavender, roses, hibiscus, myrrh… Warring scents of all origins and price ranges filled the air, making my eyes water. Even with my bandanna, I couldn't block everything out.

"I don't care. Just somewhere with meat." Luffy was holding his nose too, as he scanned the area for a restaurant.

We'd been walking for about fifteen minutes, looking for something decent to eat. It was harder than it sounded; while Nanohana had an expansive market, it was largely open-air stalls selling perfumes, makeup, jewellery… Not the sort of things we were interested in at the moment. And the town was starting to give me the creeps. It felt like someone was watching us. At first, I thought it was just my anxiety acting up, but… Every time I glanced around, I was seeing movement, like someone hiding every time I turned towards them. I never saw them, just caught brief glimpses of fluttering black, but we were definitely being followed.

I wondered who it was.

As well as a restaurant, I was also looking for Ace. Had he got my message in the paper? Had he understood it? He had to… Maybe he was waiting in a restaurant- maybe even the same one he'd been first shown in in canon. That would make sense. Anyone waiting for Luffy would do it somewhere there was food.

"What about you Miss?" A merchant in dark clothing suddenly accosted us from the side, making me jump and hide behind my captain. "Would _you_ like to buy a golden apple? They make you immortal- I found them on the great tree of-!"

"No thanks," Luffy interrupted, squeezing my hand. "We're hungry, but your apples smell like paint. Paint doesn't taste good."

"Huh? How did you…?" The merchant froze, stunned, as his voice trailed off. Luffy paid him no more mind, Whistling, my captain dragged me onwards, still in search of a restaurant.

Music began to play, a man on a street corner starting to blow into a set of panpipes. He had a partner who began beating on a pair of drums. A woman was dancing in front of them, bells on her wrists and ankles jingling. She was very pretty… And dressed in one of the costumes I remembered from canon that left _very_ little to the imagination- hopefully with Ghin and Lisa on clothing duty, those wouldn't have to be a thing. Although the crab… Eh, we'd cross that bridge when we came to it. There were other ways to motivate animals rather than with a perverted fantasy.

The noise and heat were getting worse. I tugged my hat down and scuffed my feet, keeping even closer to Luffy as we continued along. So many people… It wasn't as bad as it used to be, but my ears were still ringing with the presence of so much humanity. And they were so close… I made myself as small as I could to avoid touching anyone but my captain. My skin crawled. Merde… The feeling of eyes on my back wasn't going away. Guess it hadn't been the apple merchant then. Was there a Baroque Works agent following us? It was possible- I didn't know _nearly_ all the Billions and Millions to be able to pick them out of a crowd, and there were even a number of Frontier agents I hadn't seen or couldn't remember. Misters Six, Seven, Ten, Eleven, and Twelve; Misses Mother's Day, Father's Day, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Any of them could be watching, and I wouldn't necessarily know even if they _didn't_ hide.

Tabarnak. This was no good- just thinking about these things was making me more anxious. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to relax. Blue light; dolphins and the sound of lapping waves. My heartrate steadied. I was still too hot though. Sweat ran down my back, stinging my peeling skin. I reached my free hand up and began slowly tearing white, flakey strips off my reddened shoulders. That helped too; focused on creating the largest continuous pieces of skin I could, I wasn't thinking about the people around me.

An urgent tug brought my attention back to Luffy. My captain was pointing urgently at a building down at the end of the street. "Look! I found food!"

He was pointing at the _Spice Bean_ , of course. Dozens of people were milling about in front of it, some entering, some leaving- but none panicking over there being a dead guy inside. Huh. So, either Ace wasn't there, or we'd gotten here before his narcolepsy struck. Probably the latter; Ace was my favourite character, so no way would other me leave him out. As we drew closer, I could smell something sizzling like a great stir fry, even over all the perfume. Mmm… Stir fry sounded so good after days of actual old-fashioned ship rations. Luffy's face lit up like the sun as we wove through the crowd.

The back of my neck twitched; I still felt like we were being followed. But when I looked around, I didn't see anything or anyone suspicious. Not even the flickers this time. Not that that meant anything. I put the feeling aside in favour of heading for the _Spice Bean_ though. Once we were inside, I could set up and ambush whoever was following us. A nice corner, my back to a wall… I'd feel much better.

Then my captain's grin grew even broader. He started waving his free hand in excitement, like he'd just seen one of our crew mates. "Hey! We're over here Sa-!"

" _ **GET AWAY FROM MY BROTHER!**_ " Luffy's voice was cut off by possibly the loudest yell I'd ever heard. Less than half a second later, something heavy slammed into me, _hard_. The impact was far more than I could absorb, although my powers did their best to protect me. Between the initial strike and the explosion that went off as I overloaded, I was thrown into the air. Whatever had hit me came with me, rising into the air on a column of flames, before a foot slammed into my side, launching me sideways with another combined impact and explosion.

 _Tabarnak_.

The combined force was enough to carry me _out of town_ , even as I figured out who the source must've been. And okay, I knew Ace was _strong_ , but I didn't know he was strong enough to do _this_. I was _flying_. For a few seconds, at least. Soon enough, I slammed down into the desert, sending a gout of sand splashing up around me. And then I _bounced_ , which would've been funny if I'd been watching this on a cartoon, or maybe if it had been happening to Luffy. Well… I say bounced, but what really happened was my powers absorbed enough force from my landing to make me explode _again_. My second landing was accompanied by a smaller gout of sand and a wave of nausea as my wind was knocked out.

Before I could get up, heavy boots landed on my back. Large hands planted on my shoulders, shoving my head into the sand. I flailed wildly; I couldn't see, couldn't breathe! And the hands on my back were heating up- not quite painful yet, but they'd get there eventually, and the heat added to the smothering sensation.

"Who are you?!" Ace's voice, familiar and beloved, was underscored with the angry crackle of embers. He growled so close to my ear, I was surprised he didn't end up biting me. "Where's Blackbeard?! _What are you doing with my brother?!_ "

 _What?_ What made Ace think I knew where Blackbeard was? I tried to raise my head, to answer, to explain- but for all that he was questioning me, he didn't actually seem to want me to say anything. Couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe… I had sand in my mouth and nose, my throat tingling- but I couldn't cough with Ace crouched on my back. And his hands were heating up more and more… _What had I done to make him so angry?_

"Why aren't you answering me?" Ace demanded. "Say something!"

I _couldn't_. Trust me, Ace, if I _could_ , I _would have_. Desperate, I slapped at the ground and my own thigh, a martial arts signal for _I've had enough, let me up before you hurt me_. Ace either didn't understand or didn't care. And then… Fire. Ace's hands went from hot to _searing_ , like- well, like being branded. _Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge!_ And it wasn't just the hands anymore either. Out of the corners of my eyes, I saw flickers of orange and yellow- not that I could see much at all, between the sand clinging to my glasses and the tears I couldn't hold back.

The sand around me began to heat up, glowing and melting. I didn't know how hot Ace had to be for that to happen, nor did I care at the moment. Fragments of the desert turned to glass. Some of them were close enough to touch, sting, _burn_ , adding to the searing from Ace's hands. Tiny, boiling blisters grew along my arms, my legs, my sides… Almost anywhere my bare skin touched the sand.

And, well, I screamed. Or tried, at least. My voice isn't exactly suited for it, and with the sand everywhere, everything was clogged, muffled, choking. All my attempt at screaming got me was a sore throat and a mouthful of even more sand. Merde, I couldn't breathe! And all I could see was black spots interspersed with painful flashes of white.

I stopped struggling. Too much pain, no air, no energy. The small corner of my brain that was still coherent spent the next few seconds coming to terms that I was about to be killed by my favourite character. Of course, the rest of my thoughts, had they been put to sound, would have come across more like this-

 _ **EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!**_

" _Why aren't you saying anything?!_ " Even through the sand _and_ my bandanna, I could smell burning flesh, hair, and cotton. More concerning, though, was the feel of boiling wetness that was the only thing I could feel besides plain _searing_. That probably meant the skin on my back was gone, or at least well on its way.

Sorry Luffy. I don't know what I did to cause this sort of death, but I swear it wasn't intentional.

" _GET! OFF! MY! WITCH!_ " The snap of rubber filled the air. There was a resounding _thud_ as something slammed into Ace. He didn't move- actually, he froze in place. Although at least he stopped burning me, even if it was a little late for that to do any good at this point.

"What? Who? _Luffy?_ "

"Get _off_ of her, you- wait, Ace?!" Another familiar voice came out of nowhere. Ah, Sabo Ex Machina. Wait, what? For the second time in about five seconds, something thudded into Ace's side, although this one sounded less fleshy and more metallic. This time, though, he went rolling sideways.

"Who the fuck are _you?!_ " Ace snarled, confused. I tried to push myself up, to see what was going on, but I couldn't. Any movement just made my already burning back hurt even more. Okay, I'd settle on listening for now.

"I'm- I'm- I know it's been a long time, Ace, but don't you recognize me?" Sabo sounded hurt. Footsteps thumped lightly against sand as the Revolutionary approached his brother.

There was a loud crackling noise, like a roaring bonfire- probably Ace preparing an attack. "Stay back! Keep away from my brother, you- you- I bet you're working with Blackbeard too!"

"I don't know any Blackbeard," Sabo soothed. "I'm here because I saw Jones' message in the paper, and I wanted to spend some time with Luffy while they were here. And you, if you'd been smart enough to figure it out. Although from the way you went after her, I think you may've gotten the wrong impression."

"Wrong impression? She's a pervert and a spy! 'Bouncy young Straw Hat seeking Freckled Firebrand, last seen sailing away from the Dawn. My friends and I will be in Alabasta in about two month's time; if you still love me, meet us in Nanohana. My White Lion might be able to track the bastard who burned your Thatch. ASL.' Who _writes_ something like that? And what she said about Thatch… There's no way anyone who wasn't working with Blackbeard could've known about that! Her ad came out three days before- before…" Ace descended into a wordless growl. "And if you came to see her…"

The sounds of combat rang out above me, Ace pouncing on Sabo, still not knowing who he was. Fist and fire met a steel pipe and leather gloves; sand flew through the air. I tried to curl up in a ball, make myself small so I was less likely to become collateral damage, but my back screamed at me not to move. Seconds later, a rubber hand came to rest on my shoulder. Luffy's fingers touching the open wounds made them hurt even more; I yelled into the sand. This just made me start coughing, which caused rhythmic jolts of pain, that led to more yelling, followed by more coughing… You get the picture.

Luffy gently raised me into a sitting position, wincing in sympathy as his touch made me flinch. "Are you- no, Jones isn't okay." My captain answered his own question before he could tempt me to punch him- which in my current state, I doubted I could actually manage. Careful not to touch my back, Luffy brushed away the sand that clung to me. Too close… He was _well_ inside my personal space. But in my current state, I couldn't really care. It was all I could do to not let my captain see me cry.

Sabo momentarily knocked Ace to the ground, his pipe black with Haki as it spun. "I don't know any Blackbeard!" the blond yelled, "And how can you _not_ know who I am by now? I know it's been ten years, but _really?_ "

"Ten years? What do you-?" Ace froze. Grey eyes scanned the Revolutionary, pausing frequently. I could practically see his thought process as he stood there. _Blue coat- who wears a coat in this weather? Blond hair, and those eyes… I know those eyes. And a top hat- with goggles._ _ **Goggles**_. "Sa- Sabo?"

"The one and only." A broad smile grew on the blond's face. It was twisted a little bit on the left side, pulled by his scars, a twist that made even the softest smile look just a bit mad.

Ace remained frozen for a long moment. His eyes were blown wide, unfocused, unseeing- I wondered if he was having a flashback. Then, without warning, the freckled pirate lunged forwards at his brother. A flaming fist met a Haki-coated pipe with a resounding clang; Ace kept swinging, again and again, each strike blocked with equal force.

"You _asshole!_ I thought you were _dead!_ Why couldn't you _tell_ us?"

"I had amnesia!" Sabo explained, He blocked and deflected each punch, but didn't strike back. "I didn't remember _anything!_ Not that I had brothers, not where I came from, not even my own _name_ \- nothing except that I didn't want to go back to my parents."

"If you didn't remember _anything_ , why do you remember _now?_ " Ace changed tactics, going in for a spinning kick. Sabo blocked that too.

"Because I saw Luffy _almost die_ in Loguetown!" Sabo spun his pipe like a circus performer, dissipating a small fireball before it could do any damage. The sight of the flickering orange made me flinch involuntarily.

Ace continued to attack his brother, his strikes becoming sloppier and sloppier as the minutes passed. His face was grim, his jaw twitching. For a little bit he didn't say anything, then… "I thought you were dead. _I thought you were_ _ **dead.**_ " Ace suddenly drooped, losing all his momentum. Instead of trying to hit Sabo again, the freckled pirate sort of fell forward and wrapped his arms around his brother. Sabo froze in shock.

"Ah! Um, _Ace_ …?"

"I thought you were _dead_ ," Ace growled, squeezing Sabo even tighter. "Just shut up and let me hug you."

"Shishishishi! Fair enough." Blue-clad arms wrapped around Ace's bare shoulders as the freckled pirate started to laugh.

"Ehahahahahaha! Oh my _God_ , you somehow ended up laughing the same as Luffy. How in the world-?"

"I was raised by his father."

That made Ace freeze again. "What? You were raised by _Luffy's_ _ **father?**_ "

Sabo nodded. "Yeah… It was Dragon who saved me, pulled me out of the water when the Celestial Dragon shot my boat. His men nursed me back to health, then trained me… Eventually, he started training me himself, and now I'm his right hand, the chief of staff of the Revolutionary Army."

"Somehow, that makes _way_ too much sense," Ace sighed. He released his hold on Sabo and took a step back, glancing over at Luffy. Then he frowned. "Wait- _why're you hanging out with her?_ She _kidnapped Luffy!_ "

Sabo's palm met his forehead with a resounding sigh. He shook his head. Before he could say anything, Luffy piped up defensively from beside me. "Hey! Jones didn't kidnap me- she's on my crew!"

"You have a crew?" Ace asked in disbelief. Luffy scowled at him, hard enough that the freckled pirate actually looked sheepish. "Hey! It's not like I've seen your bounty or anything- I've been busy trying to find Blackbeard, and then with that ad… I've been a little distracted lately!"

Luffy pouted. "I don't _have_ a bounty yet."

"What?! You managed to get to the Grand Line without getting a _bounty?!_ " Ace's jaw dropped in disbelief. Luffy nodded miserably.

"Yeah… Jones says it's cause she knocked out some marines somewhere. I _should_ have one." My captain poked me roughly in the shoulder. Pain shot through my back; I hissed. Luffy flinched in sympathy. "Oops. Sorry Jones."

"S'okay." My voice came out very small as I tried to hold back tears. So much pain… Even breathing hurt, pulling at the wounds on my back with even the slightest movement. I pasted a smile on my face when I looked up at my captain. He frowned at me.

"Jones is _not_ okay," Luffy peered at my back. I don't know what he saw there, but whatever it was, it made him squeak.

"Aw dammit, _Ace_." Sabo strode around behind me, checking whatever Luffy had seen. "What did you _do?_ "

"I thought she'd kidnapped Luffy and was working with Blackbeard," Ace said, folding his arms. "Still not sure about the second one. I mean, what she wrote- it was definitely aimed at me, and it made it sound like Luffy and I… And she knew something there's _no way_ she could've _unless_ she was working for Blackbeard!"

"And you thought _this_ was a good idea?" Sabo waved a hand at my back. Even the air moving against the wounds made them hurt. Ace came over to look, but unlike his brothers, he didn't seem particularly concerned.

"She's Blackbeard's lackey, and she wouldn't answer any of my questions."

" _Ace_ …" Luffy's hat shadowed his eyes. The freckled pirate shot his younger brother a confused frown. Opening his mouth, Ace was about to say something when- "Fist of Love!"

"Yow!" Grey eyes went wide as rubber hit flesh. Unlike me, Ace was able to stay standing through the punch- but he seemed shocked enough that there even _was_ a punch. "How the- when did you learn that?! _How_ did you learn that?!"

My captain shrugged. "Needed it to beat some sense into Jones. And she's _my_ crew mate, not that Blackbeard guy's."

"But then, how did she _know_ -?" The ends of Ace's hair lit on fire, dancing to emphasize his confused irritation.

"That seems to be a theme with Jones," Sabo said, distracted. He detached a canteen from his belt. "Now, Jones, this is going to hurt, but it needs to be done. We'll still need to get you to a doctor though."

Luffy bounced beside us. "Oh yeah! We have a doctor now! His name's Chopper; he's a talking, transforming reindeer, and he's really cool!"

"That's good." Sabo nodded absently. And then- pain! Something cold and wet hit my back, stinging like Hell. I grit my teeth and hunched over, feeling water coursing over my back. My shirt hung forward oddly as I curled in on myself. Of course; the fabric on my back had been burned away before the skin had been.

"Oww…"

"Sorry," Sabo sighed. "I needed to clean them up a bit though. Ideally, I'd wash them out even more, but I'm out of water for now. And we should really wrap them so you don't get any sand... But I don't have any bandages."

Luffy's eyes lit up. "Bandages? I have some!" My captain pulled a large roll of white gauze out of his shirt. Sabo raised an eyebrow; Luffy answered before his brother could question him. "Ghin says everyone should carry bandages all the time, cause we all get hurt so much. 'Specially Jones, but she doesn't carry any, even though she has like a _bajillion_ pockets."

I wanted to _see_ first though. Call it morbid curiosity. Stiffly fumbling around with my utility belt, I pulled out a small hand mirror and passed it back over my shoulder. Sabo accepted it with confusion.

"What's this for?"  
"Wanna see." I turned my head as much as I could. Shrugging, Sabo held up the mirror. What I saw made me flinch. Ace had left my back looking like so much meat- and not even raw meat, it was medium-rare at least. Two handprints, looking bizarrely like red wings, spread across my shoulders; they no longer bled, although from the looks of it they had at some point. The rest of my skin was covered in bubbling blisters, many of which had burst and were oozing yellowish fluid.

Sabo handed my mirror back. "It probably looks worse than it is," he offered. "If you survived that dinosaur Luffy told me about, you should get through this just fine."

"Yeah…"

Ace looked around, still confused, still irritated. "Wait- why isn't anyone explaining? If she's not one of Blackbeard's, _how did she know he was gonna attack Thatch?_ "

Luffy whistled unconvincingly while Sabo shrugged. "I dunno. Jones just knows stuff." Brown eyes glanced off to one side, focusing on a cloud that was shaped like a rhubarb leaf.

"You're still a terrible liar, Lu." Ace shook his head. "So, you know… But you don't wanna tell us."

"We can trust Jones," my captain insisted, rather than telling Ace what he wanted to know. His words made warmth bubble in my heart. "She knows lots, but she's my friend; she wouldn't hurt anyone with it. Whatever that Blackbeard guy did, she was prob'ly tryna warn you or something."

Ace opened his mouth- whether to ask questions or argue, I wasn't sure. I interrupted before he could say anything, tilting my head forward so my hat shadowed my eyes. Taking a deep breath, which made my back burn more, I spoke in a low, dark tone. I didn't even try to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "You're not the only one with a reason to _hate_ Blackbeard, you know."

"What?" Ace leaned closer, eyes lighting up with dark interest. I winced, both at the invasion of my personal space, and at the shots of pain as Sabo began bandaging my back. Which was also an uncomfortable invasion of personal space.

"Teach… When I was seventeen, Teach killed two men I greatly admired. He wasn't… He didn't actually strike the final blow on one of them, but he was responsible…" And I hadn't been able to bring myself to read _One Piece_ again for three years afterwards. "If he hadn't captured… Neither of them would've died."

Raising my head, I forced myself to meet Ace's eyes. "I know where I can find him, and when I do… When I do, Teach is dead meat."

"Teach is _mine!_ " Ace growled. He moved as if to grab me, then halted at the last moment when Sabo and Luffy reached across to stop him. "You _know_ what he did- I don't know how, but you _know_. So you _know_ he's a Whitebeard problem. Not one of yours."

"Good luck _finding_ him without me."

A sharp tug from Sabo made me hiss in pain. "Hey! Jones, quit provoking him; it won't help anything." The Revolutionary glanced at his freckled brother. "And Ace, no more attacking her. She's Luffy's crew mate, and a freelance agent for the Revolution."

Ace's mouth opened and closed like a fish for a few minutes. "But, but, but-!"

" _Enough_ Ace." Sabo tied off the bandages and stood, offering me his hand. I shook my head and stood on my own, trembling from the bolts of pain that shot through my back. And… legs? I looked down, noticing for the first time that the heat of Ace's earlier flames had not just turned patches of sand into glass, but also _fused some of that glass to my body_.

"Oww…" Trying to walk sent me crashing to my knees in the sand. I'm running out of ways to describe all the pain. Tabarnak, it was worse than when the raptors had gotten me. I _really_ needed to stop getting hurt like this. Merde, it felt like I was going to vomit. I nearly choked on the effort of holding back tears.

For a brief moment, while kneeling there in the sand, I felt like someone was holding me. Arms surrounded me from behind - except not really, because nothing touched my wounds. It was… comforting, like someone was trying to lend me strength. The shaking in my limbs calmed, the pain fading just a little. Just enough to be bearable. Slowly, the feeling of being hugged faded away as well. I wanted to question where it came from, only… I was too busy looking for the strength to get back to my feet.

Luffy made a distressed noise and moved as if to pick me up. He was stopped by- Ace? The freckled pirate held his hand out and shook his head. "I- I'll do it Lu."

"Huh? But I thought Ace was angry with Jones?" Luffy cocked his head to the side, confused. A frown creased his face as he tried to make sense of the situation.

Ace looked off to the side, unable to meet his little brother's eyes. "I am," he grumbled, "But not- I shouldn't have attacked her like that. Just… What she wrote… I'll help her back to your ship." Ace's face was red with embarrassment even as he scowled at me. "You have a ship, right?"

"Yep! The _Going Merry_ \- she's the best ship ever!"

Large hands moved to pick me up. I flinched away from Ace's touch, from a combination of pain and the sudden invasion of my personal space. The freckled pirate rolled his eyes and grabbed me- although he was surprisingly gentle about it as he heaved me up onto his shoulders. His very _warm_ shoulders. A man made of fire is _not_ a comfortable person to have carrying you in the _desert_. _Especially_ not when he's the reason you need to be carried in the first place. Favourite character or not, I was _not_ happy with Ace right now.

Sabo giggled helplessly as the three brothers began walking back towards town. "Shishishishishi! Oh, I've definitely missed a lot- I never would've thought that even ten years would be enough to turn _Ace_ into a gentleman!"

"Shut up!" Ace snapped. I couldn't see his face anymore, but the back of his neck was turning bright red. "I thought you were _dead_ \- _someone_ had to be the mature one and look after Luffy! Makino taught me manners so I could-!" The freckled pirate cut himself off sharply. That didn't matter though, since his blond brother immediately grabbed onto what he'd been saying.

"Makino taught you manners so you could _what_ , exactly?" Sabo leaned in closer, a teasing smile on his face. Ace shoved him away.

"Makino taught me manners so I could thank Shanks for saving Luffy…" The freckled pirate grumbled quietly. Sabo's smile widened.

"Aww! If I'd known all it took for you to become a good big brother was me faking my death, I would've done it a lot sooner."

"Don't say that!" Ace spun around and glared at Sabo, his hair bursting into flame to emphasize his words. I flinched; feeling my movement, the freckled pirate immediately took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Don't say that… You have no idea… I almost got Lu _killed!_ We couldn't- _I_ couldn't… If you hadn't… If I'd been better…"

Sabo's broad smile morphed into a frown. "I wouldn't have left if I had a choice Ace. I was trying to protect you- you and Lu. And things worked out in the end, didn't they? We're back together now."

"But for how long?" Ace asked bitterly. Sabo started smiling again.

"Well, I'm on conditional leave for as long as Luffy's crew's in Alabasta." Sabo folded his arms behind his head as they walked. "So… For a few days, at least. And I'd like your snail number, if you don't mind."

"I- aw shit!" Ace flinched as he reached down to pat his leg pouch. "Dammit! I forgot to pack a den-den mushi! Marco's gonna kill me!"

"Who's Marco?" Luffy wanted to know.

"First division commander of the Whitebeard Pirates," Ace explained. "He's a major mother hen."

"Like Ghin," Luffy nodded sagely. Then he frowned. "Wait- how does Ace know the first division commander of the Whitebeard Pirates? Who _are_ the Whitebeard Pirates?"

"I joined them about a year ago," Ace said fondly, "They're like family to me. The old man especially… He accepted… _things_ … about me that I thought no one but you two ever could."

That made both Luffy and Sabo smile. "Shishishishishi! I'm glad Ace found such good friends! Although… Does that mean Ace isn't aiming for the One Piece anymore?" My captain blinked up at his brother in confusion. Ace shook his head.

"Nah… I'd rather see Pops take the throne. So don't get cocky," here Ace slammed a fist into the top of Luffy's head and gave him a noogie through his hat, "Cause I'm still standing between you and the title."

Luffy stuck out his tongue. "Doesn't matter. I'm gonna be king of the pirates, even if I have to fight you, and this beard guy, and your mother hen on the way."

"Heh. I'm sure you will." Ace chuckled and patted Luffy on the head. My captain frowned at the patronizing gesture; Sabo snickered.

About then, we got back into town. I glanced up as we passed the _Spice Bean_ , but Luffy didn't react at all. Apparently his brothers trumped food. Not that we needed to worry- Sanji would make us something when we got back to the _Merry_ , since he'd finally had a chance to get more supplies. And it would certainly be worth the wait- Sanji was a better cook than everyone I'd ever met, except maybe my grandmother.

I would've expected more stares as we moved through the town. I mean- a tall, blond man in a heavy coat who spun a pipe as he walked, a small man whose every move was as bouncy as a rubber ball even when he wasn't using his powers, and a shirtless man carrying a woman wearing more bandages than shirt herself- it's not exactly something you see every day, or something I would expect to have any sort of good connotation. But no one gave us a second glance, except the apple salesman. He scowled at Luffy as we went by, which prompted glares from Ace and Sabo.

"You said you were here on _conditional_ leave?" I asked Sabo quietly as we passed through town. He nodded.

"Yep. Green Dragon," Really, _that_ was Dragon's codename? "Said I could come as long as I pumped you for information. Preferably about how you know all the things you know. He's not angry anymore," Sabo assured me when the blood started to drain from my face on reflex. "I don't think he ever was to begin with, really. You just scared him- he cares more about Lu than he likes to show."

Ace glanced at Sabo. "Wait- Jones met Lu's dad?"

The Revolutionary nodded. "The whole crew did- or everyone they had in Loguetown, at any rate. That doctor Lu mentioned is new. I've been in contact with them for _ages_." Sabo smirked at his brother; Ace responded by shoving the blond sideways into an alley.

There was a loud crashing noise that made Ace and Luffy halt in their tracks; Sabo popped out a moment later, looking and smelling like he'd crashed into a dumpster. His pipe- not Haki-coated this time- swiped harmlessly through Ace's head. "Jerk! Do you know how hard this coat is to clean?!"

"Watch it! Lu'll be pissed if I fight you and his witch… girl… thing… gets hurt more!" Ace darted sideways just in time to avoid being hit in the eye when Sabo threw a half-eaten orange at him.

"Shishishishishishi!" Luffy giggled at his brothers' antics.

I frowned. "Not a _thing_ ," I growled into the back of Ace's neck. He shrugged, offering no response.

A few minutes later, the freckled pirate hissed and ducked behind a stall selling colourful carpets. "Shit. _Marines_."

"Huh? Where?" Luffy didn't bother hiding while he looked around, despite the fact that Ace's words sent Sabo scrambling into the shadows as well. His brothers each grabbed him by a shoulder and hauled him behind the stall.

I peered over Ace's shoulder and around the edge of the stall. Sure enough, there was a squad of men dressed in blue and white wandering through the market. They didn't appear to be on duty- there were no officers to be seen, and all their weapons were holstered. Still, they were _here_. When I was _sure_ Smoker had no reason to be right now. Although… There was that other marine captain in the Alabasta arc… Hina, that was her name. Maybe they were hers?

"Are you _insane?_ " Ace hissed, "They'll spot you!"

Luffy shrugged and picked his nose. "So? I don't have a bounty. Jones told all the marines we were bounty hunters- even _Grandpa_ believed her."

Ace and Sabo looked at me with new respect. Their voices cracked as they addressed me in unison. "You've met _Gramps?_ And you convinced him Lu's crew was a crew of _bounty hunters?_ "

"Yeah..." I shrugged, not feeling like explaining. To be honest, I didn't feel like doing much at all. The pain in my- largely my back, but most of my body, really- was dulling down to a constant aching and pulling. It left me tired and a little grumpy.

Sabo was the first one to snap out of it, gesturing towards a nearby alleyway. "You may not have a bounty Lu, but Ace does, and I'm supposed to avoid drawing attention to myself as part of the Revolution. Let's go this way."

Nodding, Ace changed course. Luffy shrugged and bounced alongside. I found myself relaxing as we wound through the back streets of Nanohana. Of course; there were fewer people back there. Or at least, for a while there was. Turning one corner, we ran head-on into a gang of mismatched men with assorted weapons, hanging around outside the back door of a bar.

Baroque Works Billions.

One of them spotted us in short order. He pointed at us with his glaive. "Oi! That's some of the pirates Mr Two said he saw with the princess!"

What? Bentham had had _time_ to alert people to out presence? Well, I suppose he'd had an hour or two at least, even with travel time- paddlewheels were faster than sails. I was a bit put out that the okama had _bothered_ to alert his coworkers that the Straw Hats were around, but that was just good business sense, wasn't it? He didn't know if he could trust me, so he kept doing his job. I probably would've done the same. Actually… I _was_ doing the same.

Sort of.

"So," Ace asked Luffy, casually kicking three Billions with daggers into a wall when they tried to stab him, "What's your ship like? _Please_ tell me you have a proper ship, and not some ratty dinghy or second-hand pontoon boat."

" _Of course_ we have a proper ship!" Luffy said, affronted. He slammed two Billions' heads together before they could shoot Sabo, then flung them into a knot of their companions. "The _Going Merry_ 's awesome! She sailed up a _mountain!_ And Lisa painted her, so now she looks all cool and stuff _inside_ too!"

"Don't worry Ace," Sabo said when the eldest frowned at Luffy's lack of details, "I've already been aboard; the _Going Merry_ 's actually a good ship. A little East Blue caravel." A swing of his pipe sent a couple of Billions crashing to the ground and rolling down an adjoining alley.

The Billions didn't even slow the brothers down. I'm not entirely sure Ace and Sabo even registered the people they attacked; they could very well be acting on instinct, their Haki controlling their movements. Even Luffy was barely paying attention, treating the men he was ploughing through as if their bodies and weapons were poorly-placed curtains. Watching them get thrown aside so easily, I felt embarrassed on their behalf. I wanted to believe that even _I_ would've done a better job standing up to the three brothers than these Billions were doing, but… Yeah, probably not.

We reached the pier without further incident- if the lackluster performance put on by the Billions even counted as an incident in the first place. Most of the crew were already there, putting away supplies. Only Jack and Mairead appeared to still be absent. Chopper cantered over with a distressed yelp when he saw me hanging from Ace's shoulders.

" _Jones!_ Not again!" The reindeer turned into Heavy Point with a sound like cracking knuckles. Large, furry hands removed me from Ace's back and began poking and prodding at the bandages wrapping my new injuries. I flinched- _oww_ …

"You need to _stop_ getting hurt so much!" Unwinding the bandages, Chopper pulled some sort of salve out of his doctor's bag. It smelled strongly of aloe, lavender, and comfrey. My back burned anew as the doctor began gently rubbing the salve into the wounds. I flinched and tried to escape, but Chopper held me firmly.

"I would if I could." _Oww_ … Ruatha scrambled over and licked my face, chewing on my hair and the edge of my hat. Blech… I really needed to train him not to do that. Dragon spit was gross.

Aside from Chopper, everyone paused in what they were doing to stare at Ace. Zoro leaned on the rail with a scowl. "Hey Luffy, Sabo… Who's this?"

"Ace!" Luffy beamed and bounced, leaping up onto his brother's back and wrapping rubber arms around the freckled pirate multiple times. "He's my other brother!"

Everyone nodded at that- everyone except Johnny and Yosaku, that is. The hunters had gone pale, their eyes blown wide. Without speaking, Johnny reached over and slapped his partner upside the head. Meanwhile, everyone else got back to whatever they were doing, with Chopper bodily dragging me aboard so he could rewrap my wounds.

Ghin sighed at the sight of me. " _Jones_ …" he groaned, setting down the sail he'd been mending, "What did you do _this time?_ "

"I think it's more something I did in _Loguetown_ that's the problem," I said with a wince as Chopper got to work. "But long story short, I got barbequed." My words made my honorary brother shake his head, a large bead of sweat rolling down the side of his head.

Ace and Sabo jumped up on the rails, the former with Luffy still on his back. Sabo didn't stay up there long, stepping down to greet Lisa with a soft smile. His scars twisted the expression sideways. "Hello. You weren't here last time. What's your name?"

"Lisa." The little painter frowned and pointed the scissors she was holding at Sabo. "Who're you?"

"I'm Sabo, Luffy's big brother."

"Oh. Okay." Lisa cocked her head to one side, considering Sabo. "Is it a requirement that pirate siblings have to have scarred faces?"

"No," Sabo told her, shaking his head. "Although… With how dangerous it is to be a pirate, I'm actually surprised more don't." The blond looked over at his freckled brother, questioning how Ace had managed to be a pirate for three years without acquiring some form of major scarring.

Ace opened his mouth, about to introduce himself to the crew. He was interrupted before he could begin speaking, though, by incredibly _loud_ yelling coming from shore. Glancing up revealed Jack and Mairead running towards the pier. Jack was shouting at the top of his lungs, arms flailing as the pair ran away from dozens upon dozens of Billions. "EEEEYAAAAARGH! HELP! THEY'RE ONTO US!"

Vivi stiffened in alarm. "The Billions! Mr Two must've warned them!"

Nami facepalmed. "I told those two to _lay low_. What part of that don't they understand?"

"Quack! Quack, qua-wack quack," Carue offered. Chopper snickered, but didn't translate.

"Alright, let's kick their- bleh!" Luffy stopped mid declaration as a wave washed over him. A massive white body rose out of the water next to the _Going Merry_. Brilliant green eyes glared down at us. Aw, _tabarnak_. I facepalmed. With everything that'd happened, I hadn't gotten a chance to pick up tuna and yarn for Bluestar.

"Mrawr?" And judging by his face, the sea cat knew this and was _not happy_.

"I- um- er…" Nope, I had no words. I shrugged helplessly at the great mammal, insofar as I could with the state my shoulders were in. My head hung heavy from my shoulders. "Sorry…"

Ghin rolled his eyes. "You didn't make it to a single store, did you Jones? I'm not surprised; trouble seems to follow you and Don Luffy like a duckling. Sending you off _together_ somewhere… Here. I knew something like this would happen." The rigger pulled a large can of tuna out of his pocket, as well as a massive ball of multicoloured yarn.

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" I opened the can with my Swiss Army Knife before tossing both offerings to Bluestar. The sea cat accepted the offerings with a grunt, devouring the tuna in a single lick before beginning to squeeze and bat at the yarn.

"Not that that isn't adorable," Usopp squawked, "In a huge and kind of terrifying way, but shouldn't we be more worried about _them?_ " The gunner waved at the shore, where Jack and Mairead were rapidly drawing closer, a horde of Billions on their tails.

Chopper growled. "We can't let them _near_ the ship. If we do, Jones will want to fight, and I want her back to at least get a _chance_ to heal!"

"Don't worry…" Zoro drew his swords, clamping _Wado Ichimonji_ between his teeth. "They won't get close _at all_." Okay, I still needed to know how he did that. But first…

"Actually… I have a better idea." Everyone paused to look at me. I grinned, despite the shot of pain that ran through my back as Chopper tied the bandages tight. "How good would it be for our PR with the citizens of Alabasta if one of the _sacred beasts_ protected our crew?"

Most of the responses I got were expressions of sheer incredulity. Then Vivi burst out laughing, leaning on Carue for support. Oops. Looks like I finally broke the princess. "Ahahahahahahaha!" Vivi gasped for breath, tears in her eyes. "That's- that's absolutely _mad_! You don't _get it_ at _all_ , do you Jones? You can't just _command_ the sacred beasts of Alabasta!"

"I'm not _commanding_ ," I informed her, "I'm _asking nicely_." Turning back to Bluestar, I smiled up at the cat. "How about it Cutie? Will you stop those men with swords and stuff from boarding our ship?"

"Meh?" Bluestar glanced at the shore, then nodded. "Mrao!"

"He says yes," Chopper translated helpfully. Although it wasn't really necessary.

Luffy unravelled from Ace's shoulders, bouncing onto the rails and stretching out an arm. He grabbed Jack by the back of the wannabe prince's shirt; Mairead grabbed on just before the rubber appendage snapped back. As Luffy retracted, Bluestar rose higher out of the water and swept a massive wave over the pier with his tail, stomping down a fluffy forepaw that flattened the foremost Billions with a thud. Tail swishing, claws out, the great feline swiped at the mercenaries with a snarl. "MEW! MRA MRO! HISSSSSSSSSS!"

"Shishishishi!" Luffy giggled as Jack and Mairead soared past Bluestar's green belly. The former Baroque Works agents hadn't even arrived on the _Merry_ yet when my captain began shouting orders. "Raise the anchor and untie the mo- that line that holds us on the dock! Nami, let's go!"

"Aye-aye Captain!" Nami thumped her _Clima-Tact_ against the deck to get everyone's attention. "Ghin, raise the mizzen sail! Johnny, take the helm! Let's go people!"

The deck became a flurry of activity. Soon enough, the _Going Merry_ was pulling slowly away from the pier. Slowly, because we were only running under a single sail- with marines in the area, it wasn't safe to open the mainsail. Nami must've seen them too. Yes, with all the hostiles and potential hostiles in the area, it was best that we find somewhere else to dock and split the crew.

With how slow we were moving though, it was easy enough for ships leaving other piers nearby to follow us- and to gain ground, since they were moving under full sail. Three massive galleons, each full to brimming with Billions. And they were gaining _fast_. How many people had Bentham told about us, anyway? Although… Well, I suppose nothing travels faster than bad news.

"Gah! What do we do!" Usopp flailed his arms wildly. "We need to… The cannon! Turn us around Johnny! I bet I can sink them!"

I wasn't sure whether to be impressed with the gunner's confidence in his own aim, or exasperated with his naïveté. Three galleons with only one cannon… Nonsense. Even with the king of snipers, we'd need a full broadside to manage that, which _Merry_ didn't have. And besides…

"Oh no. This is one thing from canon I _want_ to keep. I'm not missing out on this level of awesome- Ace, go show off!"

"WHAT?!" Wow, I managed to make everyone on the whole ship question my sanity in perfect sync. Beautiful. Grinning, I waved at the approaching galleons.

"Come on Ace. Show Luffy your Devil Fruit. And I wanna see your _Striker_." Actually… Could Franky build something like that that I could propel with _my_ powers? I'd have to try and remember to ask. Wait- Ace had come with _us_. Where _was_ his _Striker_?

"Wha-? How-? You know what, I don't care." Ace shook his head. "I'm confused, I'm still pissed at you, and I need to punch something. Those guys are as good a target as any."

Ace leapt off the rail of the _Going Merry_ , flipping through the air before landing on the answer to my question. The _Striker_ bobbed in the water by one of the nearer piers; I couldn't believe I'd missed it when we'd come in to dock. Quickly untying his craft, Ace shot towards the Billions' galleons with a roar of flame.

Sabo frowned. "Oh no you don't," the blond muttered under his breath, "I'm not letting you have all the fun." The blond turned to Luffy with a small smile. "Hey Lu… I don't suppose you'd like to kick some of these guys' asses with me? It'll be just like old times."

My captain's eyes morphed into the largest, most brilliant stars I'd ever seen; when he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. "Really? I get to fight with Sabo again? This is the BEST DAY EVER!" The rubber boy looped one arm around his blond brother, stretching the other out towards the figurehead of the nearest galleon. "GUM-GUM ROCKET!"

"YAHOO!" Sabo held his hat on with one hand, spinning his staff. "I HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH I MISSED THIS!" The pair crashed into the lead galleon with a resounding noise.

Roaring flames died to a simmer as Ace got into position. The freckled pirate was smirking. "I thought you hated it when Luffy did stuff like that as a kid!" he yelled over the rising sounds of a beating. Sabo's head popped into view as the blond punted a dozen men into the air with a swing of his pipe.

"Bite me, asshole!"

"Heh. Looks like someone picked up some language while he was away." Ace drew back his arm with a grin. "Watch this Lu- you're not the only one in the family with powers anymore. FIRE FIST!"

Orange danced across the ocean, flames roaring like a dragon as they soared towards one of the galleons. Ruatha watched with sparkling eyes. A split second later, wood exploded under the force of Ace's attack. Men screamed. Rope and canvas caught fire instantly, with the broken fragments of ship following not long after. The whole galleon was _gone_ within about ten seconds of the freckled pirate launching his punch. Ace smirked at the destruction, pushing his hat back as he glanced over at his brothers.

"Beat that Sabo!"

Blue eyes narrowed. "Oh, I plan to." Sabo knelt on the deck of the ship, his arms turning black with Haki as he clenched his fists. "DRAGON'S BREATH!"

The hull of the ship he was on _exploded_ as shockwaves spread from Sabo's fists. It was like watching my Newton's Second- except Sabo didn't _need_ a Devil Fruit to do that, and I wasn't sure I could match that scale of destruction yet even _with_ mine. Lines snapped; broken pieces of wood flew in every direction as nails flew from their holes. More screaming; the Billions desperately grabbed for pieces of flotsam as they fell into the water. Luffy jumped to the lone remaining galleon with a pout.

" _Sabo!_ " he whined. "Don't sink ships while I'm standing on them! I can't swim!"

"Heheheh. Sorry Lu."

Ace chuckled and leaned on the mast of his _Striker_. "So, Lu, you gonna leave all the work to us? Or haven't you gotten any stronger since I left home?"

"Ace's mean." Luffy scowled and jumped in the air. "I've gotten loads stronger! Watch this!" My captain stretched one leg high over his head, the limb extending to the limits of his control. "GUM-GUM AXE!"

Wood shattered with a tremendous shattering, splintering noise. The final galleon split in half, a huge chunk blown out of its center. Its passengers, who had been trying to help their companions in the water, were suddenly far more focused on their own wellbeing as the two pieces of their transport sank slowly beneath the waves. Sabo was in the water before Luffy came back down, catching the rubber boy as he fell into the water to prevent him sinking. Ace picked them both up with his _Striker_ , laughing as he raced back towards the _Going Merry_.

"Well, you've gotten a little better at least," Ace teased as the three climbed aboard. He removed Luffy's hat to ruffle messy black hair; my captain pouted.

"I've gotten _loads_ stronger- Ace is just a meanie who won't admit it." Luffy looked to Sabo for support. The blond laughed.

"You're certainly much stronger than you were when _I_ left," he said placatingly. Luffy wrapped himself around his blond brother with a smile, sticking his tongue out at Ace. The freckled pirate rolled his eyes.

"Don't _baby_ him Sabo. He's a pirate captain now, not the little brat who kept getting eaten by crocodiles."

"But he's still our baby brother." Sabo smiled fondly and hugged Luffy tight. "And he always will be."

Around then, the brothers noticed that almost everyone on the ship was staring at them in disbelief. Usopp leaned over to whisper to Yosaku. "It figures… Of course, the older brothers of a monster would be even bigger monsters." He wasn't as quiet as he thought he was, though, since Ace heard him. A smirk from the freckled pirate sent the gunner scampering behind the green hunter with a squeak.

"So… You're Lu's crew, huh?" Ace scanned us one by one. From his expression, he approved of most, and Usopp's squeaking only seemed to amuse him. He scowled when his eyes passed over me, pausing for a moment… before his gaze inexplicably softened. The only explanation I could think of was that he'd maybe sensed something about me with his Haki that made him feel better. "You're an interesting looking bunch, I'll give you that. And you must be pretty good, to deal with the trouble that follows Lu everywhere."

Ace bowed his head. "Sorry about that. He's always been a bit of a handful- I never managed to break him out of it. And thanks for putting up with him. I know it can't be easy."

"No problem," Zoro said gruffly. Johnny and Yosaku both nodded in agreement.

"Yeah! It's fine- Big Bro's great!"

"A bit of a handful, but he's not the only one." Ghin shot me a significant look. Ace smiled- a proper, soft smile, not a smirk.

"You're good people." Ace leaned back on the rails. Sanji huffed and went to light a cigarette in the ensuing silence; Ace pointed at it and had the tip glowing before the cook could even get his lighter out.

"Heh. Thanks."

Vivi looked at Nami in surprise. " _These_ are Luffy's brothers? But they're so- so…"

"Polite?" the sailing master offered. "Mature?" Vivi nodded mutely.

When no one seemed about to do or say anything else, I opened my mouth to speak. Chopper immediately clapped a hand over it. "No!"

"Uph I mimmp ay ayfing!" Blech. Trying to talk through Chopper's hand just got me a mouthful of reindeer fur. _Sweaty_ reindeer fur.

"You didn't have to. You're not asking Sabo to train you- not when your back's messed up like this." The doctor scowled cutely at me. Ruatha backed him up, huge blue eyes watering as the dragonet stared up at me.

"But _dragons!_ "

"I _don't care_ if it's called Dragon's Breath, you're _not training_ until I _say so_." Chopper poked my back, sending a jolt of pain through my spine. I glared at him.

"Oi! Since when do _you_ do things like that to patients?!"

"Since I remembered that you're the same patient who snuck out to a hockey game when she could barely move!"

I scowled and looked away. Fine, you win this round Choppy. All around me, people started laughing. Sabo shook his head, grinning broadly. "Sorry Jones. Can't teach anyone that without permission from Dragon; it's _his_ style, after all."

 _That_ I understood. Nodding, I turned my face to the horizon, as the _Going Merry_ headed out in search of a concealed bay to drop off those headed for the rebels in Katorea. Splitting the crew, eh? This could turn out really well, or really badly. Oh well, there was only one way to find out. Allons-y.


	20. Apology

**Apology**

 **gamelover41592: Yeah, sorry about that. It occurred to me long after writing that earlier chapter you mentioned that there was no way for Sabo to have gotten there so quickly, so... the Revolutionaries were contacting the Whitebeards about something else. What? Not saying yet. And yes, Jones is a total Ace fangirl, always has been. He's my favourite character.**

 **Dragondancer81: ^_^ Thank you very much! As for why... Mostly, I'm trying to see how many of Luffy's family members I can tick off and thoroughly confuse over the course of this story. It's surprisingly fun.**

 **GreenDrkness: He's mine too. And yes, he will eventually get scolded for that. Not a huge Warriors fan, but I've read the first two series and they were pretty good. And Jack and Mairead were always planned to stay behind; I could've made them fit in if I wanted to, I think, but I didn't feel like it. I have far more interesting characters to have join instead.**

 **MayaHikari: Yeah, I will admit that double standard can be annoying. Personally, spending time in the dojo, everyone hits everyone, but when someone does something dumb, and even as a sign of affection. So I won't be getting rid of the plethora of dope slaps any time soon, but I might make the guys fight back a little more.**

 **The Utterly Fabulous Z: Heheheh... Sorry?**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Thank you. And of course Sabo's sticking around for this arc; I wouldn't have brought him in if he wasn't.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thanks. And I want to pet the kitty too... *grabs grandmother's cat for cuddles***

 **Draco Oblivion: Not weird; I think they'd look awesome as well. As for whether it's sadistic or masochistic... Yes.**

 **bookloverinfinity: The answer to your first question will be found in this chapter. The answer to your second is... Because as a writer, I find it amusing.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you very much!**

 **Azurai Wolf: Oh, don't worry, they will.**

 **Kakusei: *bows* Thank you. That's what I've been going for. *grins* And I love how somehow it was thinking outside the box that got me to the sea cat solution... I'm sorry. That was a horrible joke. I'll stop now.**

 **Rebel-Keiki: Thank you. You need wait no longer.**

 **Xipholynx: Oh, Jones has plenty of luck. It's just not all good.**

 **NightFlowerLuv: Heh, thank you. And yeah, they do. Probably because they're trying to avoid subjecting someone who's become their friend to a potentially deadly disease while still getting the next friend on the list. Hmm... Zoro fighting from dragon-back might actually be a bad idea, tactically. It's not like a horse; he wouldn't necessarily be able to get at any opponents who weren't also riding giant flying creatures. But I agree that the idea of Usopp sniping from dragon-back is awesome. And no, neither I nor Jones have ever seen Inside Out, but I've wanted to for a while. Thank you very much!**

 **starelight: ...Congratulations, you predicted a large chunk of this chapter. But at the same time, I'm not sure it'll go how you expected.**

 **Keiolsha: Well... See below for details.**

 **Ultimate Student: Maybe... Afraid giving a definite answer would be spoilers.**

 **Thoughts: Thank you very much.**

 **DemonCatLady: Yeah, I know burns aren't fun; I've had my fair share, though nothing near as bad as I wrote. And *glances at chapter title* Ace will definitely be apologizing, don't worry.**

 **Lightsbane1905: Heh, cats are awesome. And yes, fear the Fist of Love.**

 **TTrunks: XD**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: ^_^ Thank you. And yes indeed, they're absolutely adorable.**

 **Antiguo: *sighs* I'm sorry. I am. You're not the only one to comment on how uncomfortable that was, and yes, looking back on it, I forced the plot along when I should've spent more time thinking about the crew's reactions to Jones being injured so badly again. The thing is... I'm writing what I know. And I know this is likely to make people even more uncomfortable, me saying this, but... people showing concern for me is something I don't know. Injuries are something I do. So, unfortunately, I'm much better at writing the latter than the former; that other characters should be concerned for my SI barely registers for me. Which is also why Jones is barely angry about things— yes, she almost got fried by her favourite character, but between her past experiences on Earth and the things that have been happening to her since coming to One Piece, to her it's not much worse than anything else. Although it's also possible she might be in a little bit of shock. *bows deeply* But yes, I'm very sorry. The title of this chapter is as much directed at readers as it is a reference to this chapters events. Next time, I'll try asking some friends what they think an appropriate reaction would be; maybe that will help.**

 **Kikidevil70: Eh... Yes and no. They needed a moment (by which I mean a fair bit of constructive criticism from some friends on Spacebattles) for things to sink in. I know it won't entirely make up for how I did the last chapter, but I tried.**

 **EnixFairy: Thank you very much! And while it's probably not what you're thinking, I do have some fun Luffy-Jones teamwork maneuvers planned for the future. Their fruits actually work pretty well together.**

 **Insanity Lord: Yes. Yes he did. But for now, he can only use it when people he loves do something stupid that he thinks they need to be punished for.**

 **AnerianJomes: Thank you very much— on both accounts.**

 **havarti2: Well, people have been guessing in the comments already, but I'll only possibly give a straight answer in a PM. So wherever you want to ask is up to you.**

 **Roma: Yeah... Sorry about that. I'm not very good at writing emotional reactions. Working on it though. Don't worry, I'll give Jones a break from being my literary punching bag for a while. Time for someone else to take a turn. And don't worry, Ace and Jones will be working things out— or at least, that's what I tried to write.**

 **LegionnaireBlaze: Sesehihihihihi! Oh, that idea is hilarious.**

 **hcharper131: Yeah, that's what most people said.**

 **tylermech66: Okay, noted. Thanks.**

 **FairyGirl960: Wait no longer.**

 **WaterStar45: Yeah, Jones has her fair share of pretty bad luck, and Ace does jump the gun a lot (before lighting the gun on fire!). Hopefully they can both learn from this, but... Eh, we'll see.**

 **Dazac: I was hoping some people would. ^_^**

I can't say we made very good time away from Nanohana at first, what with only using one sail. And not everyone stayed in position for sailing at first either. As soon as we were out of sight of the town, the crew abandoned their posts to make a circle around Ace. I watched in confusion. My crew mates were _not happy_. Ghin was in the lead, brows furrowed, arms folded as he glared at Luffy's older brother; many of the others were in similar states. Zoro was tying his bandanna around his head for some reason. Even Sabo and Luffy looked unhappy with Ace.

"Fire powers," Ghin growled. "I may not be the best reader, but I ain't dumb. You're the one who branded Jones, aren't you?"

"Yes." Grey eyes met dark amber. Ace _looked_ somewhat remorseful, at least. "I thought she was working with a man I'm hunting, and that she'd kidnapped Luffy. I- I'm sorry."

"You're sorry," Ghin said flatly. It didn't sound like a question, but at the same time, I wasn't sure what it was. " _You're sorry_. No, I don't think you are, not really. Not yet. But you _will be_. That's one of my little sisters you flash-fried, you fucking pyro."

Ace clenched his jaw and held his gaze steady. "And I thought your _little sister_ was doing _things_ to my _little brother_. You would've done the same in my situation."

Ghin unfolded his arms, his hands edging around towards the base of his spine. Uh-oh. "I wouldn't have burned my hands into her back without giving her a chance to _fucking explain!_ " My honorary big brother pulled out his tonfa and started spinning them. On either side of him, Johnny and Yosaku flinched.

"Uh, Big Bro, should you really be going after one of the _Whitebeards?_ They're the strongest crew on the seas- and they _never_ let someone who hurts their family go."

"Neither do I." Ghin spun one of his tonfa into Ace's chest; it struck harmlessly, the heavy weapon surrounded by a ring of fire as Ace's insubstantial body let the attack pass through. The freckled pirate drew back his fist to clock the rigger- only to freeze in place, eyes going wide with realization as he glanced from me to Luffy. That distraction allowed Ghin to hit him- apparently, whatever Ace realized took up so much of his attention that he wasn't able to go intangible as a tonfa crashed into his stomach.

"Stop that," Luffy's eldest brother wheezed. Ghin ignored him, lashing out again; this strike passed through flames as Ace regained his senses. When Ghin attacked a fourth time, Ace caught his tonfa by the weighted end, stopping it dead. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? Now you're just acting the way I was!"

"No, there's a difference." Ghin pulled back, then snuck a lightning-fast strike in from his other hand. For a second time, he managed to connect with actual flesh instead of flames. "You only _thought_ Jones hurt your brother, where I _know_ you hurt my sister."

"He's got a point there," Sabo observed. When Ace turned and opened his mouth to defend himself to his brother, a Haki-coated pipe smacked into his head, driving the freckled pirate's face into the deck. Sabo smiled, his scars twisting it into something slightly sinister. "Don't get me wrong, Ace- you're my brother, and I love you. But what you did to Jones was _wrong_ , and you need to learn your lesson."

The blond didn't continue with the beating though, leaving that to my crew mates. Ghin managed to get another solid hit against Ace's back before the freckled pirate took off, escaping while my honorary brother tried to pin him to the deck. Holding his hat on with one hand as he scampered across the _Going Merry_ , Ace actually looked concerned for his own wellbeing, _despite_ being a New World logia amongst a crew of rookies who'd barely started their journey through Paradise. Although I couldn't say I blamed him. If Ghin had been glaring at me that way- eyes glowing bright red, teeth bared like a snarling wolf- I would've been concerned for my wellbeing too.

"I promise I won't do it again!" Ace leapt to put the mast between himself and Ghin, just as the rigger tried to smash both tonfa into him at once. The resultant blow shook the _Merry_ so much I thought I was going to be sick- although no one else seemed to notice, so focused were they on the action taking place in front of them.

"You bet your bloody arse you won't!" Several more of Ghin's strikes missed in quick succession as Ace dodged out of the way. I winced at the damage they were doing to the _Merry_. Although they didn't look as bad as they sounded; she was barely splintering, and nothing had outright broken at all. Maybe I was imagining things? It was possible. Between all the shaking and the pain from my own injuries, I felt like I was going to vomit. Whatever adrenaline had kept me alert and coherent this long was starting to wear off.

Ace tried to escape by dodging between Johnny and Yosaku. The hunters each stuck out a foot as he went passed, tripping the freckled pirate and sending him skidding across the deck. He stopped at Lisa's feet. Frowning, the little painter pulled out her brush and swiftly stirred something up on her palette. "Sadness Blue Bindrune: Hraethigaldur!"

Lisa drew one of the symbols I'd shown her on Ace's face in rich blue. Hraethigaldur- a bindrune to put fear into one's enemies. Beneath the paint, freckled skin went pale. Ace's eyes were blown wide, pupils narrowed to pinpricks; he curled up into a ball, shaking. Muscles clenched in his jaw, the freckled pirate forcing himself not to make a sound. My mouth fell open with a stunned hiss. _Lisa!_ How could she do that to Ace? With his background- but she didn't know his story, did she?

I tried to move in, to help Ace, to tell everyone that was enough. I couldn't watch this anymore. But I also couldn't get really move from where I was leaning on the rails. I frowned in confusion. Why were my crew mates acting like this? What had made them so angry?

"Here." At least Usopp had seen how badly the paint was affecting Ace. The gunner offered the freckled pirate a rag with which to wipe his face; accepting with unfocused eyes, Ace rubbed mechanically at the paint. Until…

"Yow! That burns!" Ace dropped the rag in shock as he jumped back.

Usopp smirked, an expression I'd never dreamed I'd see on his face. "Well _of course_ it does. It's turpentine; what else would you wash oil paints off with? You weren't supposed to get any in your _eyes_." Why did I feel like that's _exactly_ what Usopp wanted Ace to do?

"Okay, okay, enough! I get it! How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" Ace rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to clear them out.

His answer was a pair of deep brown, watery, guilt-inducing eyes. Chopper's ears drooped down on either side of his head, the doctor in his full reindeer form. One hoof pawed delicately at the deck. Gods above and below, just _looking_ at Chopper's reproachful gaze was enough to make someone fall down and beg for forgiveness- and I wasn't even the one it was directed at. Then, without a word, the little doctor headbutted Ace in the stomach. The blow sent the freckled pirate careening into a scowling Zoro.

"Oi Chopper, what'd you want me to do with this?" Ace may have been taller than Zoro, but he somehow looked very small when the bosun grabbed him by the back of his shorts.

"He's currently undergoing an anal craniectomy, and could use some percussive maintenance to make sure everything stays where it's supposed to."

Zoro's scowl deepened, the expression laced with confusion. "I'm not sure what that means, so I'm just gonna hit him over the head for what he did to Jones. That sound good?"

Chopper popped into Brain Point to better facepalm. "That's exactly what I meant…"

"Oh. Okay then. Good." Rather than hitting Ace with his fists, Zoro drew _Wado Ichimonji_ and slammed the butt of the sword into Ace's head. This sent the freckled pirate staggering, dazed. His shorts caught on the hilt of _Sandai Kitetsu_ , pulling the cursed katana out of its sheath just enough to nick his leg.

"Ouch!" Jumping away, Ace just so happened to meet Sanji's foot in midair. The cook snapped out a round kick that sent the freckled pirate flying before leaning back on a wall and smoking his cigarette. A gust of wind pushed his bangs aside for an instant, allowing Sanji to fix Ace with a deadly Germa 66 stare. Although I doubt he'd appreciate the comparison to his birth family, however accurate.

"Be grateful I didn't aim lower, Shitty Fireball." The cook blew a smoke ring in the freckled pirate's face, setting Luffy's brother coughing.

Ace finally came to rest against a rail, dazed and battered. Which… He didn't have to be, did he? He was _letting_ my crew mates use him as a punching bag. Why though? Did he feel _that_ bad about having hurt me? That wasn't…

"Is it over?" Ace's slightly loopy voice interrupted my thoughts. No one said anything or made any move to approach him. Straightening, the freckled pirate had just opened his mouth to say something when a loud snap and hiss cut through the air. One of the lines had come undone. Just great. Ace stood frozen as the unravelling line whipped through the air, smacking into his chest with the force of a kicking bull and launching him over the side.

For a moment, no one moved. Then Sabo removed his hat, handing it to Luffy with a shake of his head. "One moment. I'll go get him." The Revolutionary disappeared into the water with a loud splash.

I stared at everyone, confused. My back was starting to ache more, to sting and burn, but I ignored it. "What was _that?_ " I asked, unable to believe what I'd just seen. "Why're you all so _angry?_ "

"He _burned_ you, _branded_ you," Ghin growled, "When you _just_ got a clean bill of health. Why aren't _you_ angry?"

"Why aren't you _unconscious?_ " Chopper added. The little doctor flushed and clapped his hooves over his muzzle. "Not that I'm not happy you're awake- it's easier to treat you when you're like this, and I like it when you're awake! But really, that much pain… And you can barely move _again_ …" Chopper whined worriedly, unable to put all his thoughts into words.

All eyes were on me as I blinked slowly, unable to comprehend what was going on. Alternating pulses of hot and cold slowly rose up the sides of my neck, spreading across my head; my vision developed a halo of white. I clutched at the sides of my head to anchor myself in reality. My thoughts were racing, but I didn't know how to get them out, how to say them. Why? Why was this happening? Why was everyone acting like this? This never happened; no one had ever acted like this when I got hurt before, not for as long as I could remember. Although admittedly, I'd never been hurt quite as _badly_ before coming to this world as I had in the last few weeks. A fresh burst of pain shot through my back, which didn't make thinking things through any easier. I squashed it angrily.

"No, no, can't show, can't faint. Doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt, _DOESN'T HURT!_ " Everyone stared at me, not knowing what to make of my outburst. That's okay, I didn't either. I ignored them, trying to get things back under control. Ow… Why did other me keep writing things like this? Did she enjoy seeing me hurt? _Being_ hurt, since she probably imagined the wounds on herself? A wash of endorphins raced through my bloodstream, doing little to block out the fresh pain. "I'm fine, fine, fine, _fine_ … I think I'm gonna be sick…"

Turning, I leaned over the rail just in time to hurl what little I'd eaten that day into the sea. Or rather… Into Ace's face as Sabo pulled him up the side of the ship. Somehow managed to miss the Revolutionary himself though. Phantom arms wrapped around me from behind, holding me, soothing me as I wretched. But when I glanced out of the corners of my eyes, no one was there. Ruatha chirped gleefully and jumped up beside me, adding his own offering to the mess.

"Fus! Roh! Dah!"

Everyone stayed well away from Ace once he was back aboard, smelling as he now did of dragon saliva and half-digested hardtack. The freckled pirate looked like he could barely hold onto his own lunch. Then Nami approached him, one hand over her nose and a neutral expression on her face. "I hope this works… Rain Tempo!"

A small cloud formed over Ace's head and poured icy water over him. The freckled pirate shivered as the water washed him clean, rinsing the mess over the side. Only, it didn't stop once Ace had been washed off. He glanced up at Nami through sopping bangs, disbelief written all over his face. The sailing master shrugged.

"What? I'm not happy with you either, and I didn't get a hit in yet. This way, I kill two birds with one stone."

Ace drooped, defeated. The raincloud followed him as he slunk across the ship, back to Luffy's side. He looked like he just wanted to hide away somewhere… But Luffy wouldn't let him. Frowning, my captain grabbed his brother's arm with one hand. His other arm drew back and- "Fist of Love!"

"Ow!" Ace rubbed the spot where rubber struck flesh. His voice was very small… I don't think I'd ever heard him sound that way in the anime. " _Okay_ … I get it. I was an asshole… Sorry…"

"Shishishishi! Good; Ace gets it." Luffy's grin made a brief reappearance from wherever it had been hiding as he gave his brother a quick, bone-cracking hug. "So that's enough now; beating up Ace anymore won't help. Ghin can go fight sea kings or something if he's still mad."

Then Luffy's face morphed back into a frown as he considered me, hunched over on the rail. The captain turned to Chopper. "How long til Jones is healthy enough for a Fist of Love?"

"WHAT?!" the little doctor squawked. His hooves flailed as he leapt between me and the captain. "You can't do that! Hitting Jones right now is a _very bad_ idea! In fact, I should probably sedate her so I can see about removing that glass from her legs. Yes! I'll go do that _right now_." Popping into Heavy Point, Chopper strode swiftly over and picked me up, heading for the galley.

Luffy frowned at the doctor's retreating back. "I didn't say I was gonna do it _right now_ ," he pouted. "But Jones was playing like it didn't matter she was hurt _again_. She hasn't figured out that we _care_ about her yet. So I gotta hit her until she does."

"That's not how that works!" Sanji yelled, kicking the captain in the head. And really, that _didn't_ help disprove Luffy's point. At all.

"I think," Sabo offered, shooting a significant look at his brothers, "The problem is that Jones isn't used to people caring for her _at all_ , whether due to her upbringing or some tendencies of her own. And, well, maybe… It's possible we- both _us_ we and your crew- aren't always the best at showing we care either."

"Ooooh…" Luffy nodded and rubbed his chin, letting out a long noise of understanding. Followed immediately by, "I don't get it."

X

A small ship rocked gently on the waves, hidden in a bay between two red-gold cliffs. The ram figurehead smiled in the late afternoon sun, wind whistling cheerfully through her lines. All sails were furled; the anchor was dropped. No one could've seen the ship from outside the bay. Overall, it was a quiet, peaceful scene. Until a bolt of lightning flashed inside the galley, causing a quarrelling chef and swordsman to leap apart in surprise, hair smoking.

"Pipe down!" Nami roared. All sound in the room died off- except for the quiet crunching of Luffy and Chopper chewing on some sort of candy Sanji had picked up while he was out grocery shopping. Even the colourful fish painted on the walls seemed to swim more quietly. Everyone sat down around the table, looking contrite. Well, except Zoro. He scowled at the sailing master. She ignored him. "Alright, Vivi, you're the one who wants to split up; care to explain why, for those who weren't here, or who're a little slow."

Nami gestured at Ace, Sabo, and Luffy. The princess nodded and leaned forward, spreading a map of Alabasta out on the galley table. "We need to stop the rebellion," Vivi began. There was no trace of the usual brattiness now; this was the princess' secret agent side, the part of her that had, as a young girl, infiltrated Baroque Works to try and figure out what was happening to her country. "Now, Jones says that the rebels are in Katorea, so that's where I want to go. I'm friends with the leader of the rebels; he'll listen to me. The problem is that she also says there's something important to be done in Yuba and Rain Dinners- which are _halfway across the country_. Both paths are dangerous. Jones says Baroque Works has infiltrated the rebels, which puts Kohza and the others in danger; but going to Rain Dinners would be walking into a trap- it's Crocodile's casino on the Sandora River."

Nodding, Nami tapped her _Clima-Tact_ on the table. "So, that's the situation. Luffy, you're the captain. Thoughts?"

The rubber boy swallowed his candy. "I wanna kick Crocodile's ass," he said bluntly. Ace and Sabo smiled and shook their heads. Nami sighed.

"Okay, noted. But we need a more detailed plan than that. Jones?" Nami turned to me. Lisa looked confused.

"Um… Is Jones _really_ qualified to plan things? She and Luffy were out for less than an hour, and she came back looking like she slept on a barbeque." The little painter pouted cutely, glancing up at me.

I grinned at Lisa and poked her in the forehead. "You have an excellent point," I told her. "Unfortunately, it also happens to be invalid. I may be one hundred and three percent off my rocker…"

"And high as a kite on pain medication," Chopper added, grumbling. I ignored him; the holographic unicorn flickering in and out of sight at the corner of my eye said he was just jealous.

"But I'm still the one who knows most about what's coming."

"And isn't that a scary thought…" Jack grumbled. A scowl from me and a raised eyebrow from Ghin made him retract that statement with a squeak.

"Anywho…" I flipped open my Swiss Army Knife and used the blade to dig sand from under my fingernails. "If we're gonna split in two, we need to consider party balance. Rain Dinners is a trap-and-combat quest; Katorea would probably be roleplay heavy, talking Kohza down and finding assassins. That means we need rogues in both places, but other than that… I'd send the druid, the samurai, and most of the monks into the desert, while the illusionist, the fighter, and the ranger escort the princess and company on their diplomatic mission."

Zoro stared at me, eyes spinning, then reached up to rub his temples. "Jones… You're doing that thing where you say words, but they don't mean what they should."

Oh. Oops. "Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Chopper, and I should head to Yuba and Rain Dinners. Johnny, Yosaku, Lisa, Ghin, and Usopp should take Vivi, Jack, and Mairead to Katorea to talk to Kohza." I tapped the towns on the map as I spoke.

Sabo nodded at my assessment. "That seems like a sound plan. What about Ace and I though?"

"Eh?" I blinked up at the Revolutionary. He fixed me with a benign smile.

"Well, I'm on leave for as long as Luffy's on this island, and I doubt Ace is going anywhere until you tell him everything you know about that Blackbeard fellow." Here Sabo paused and glanced at his brother. Ace nodded sharply; Sabo continued. "We'd like to help, if Luffy will allow us- or at least, I would. This sort of operation _is_ my specialty."

"We're sticking together, of course!" Luffy informed his brother before I could think of what to do. Rubber arms wrapped around Ace and Sabo, pulling them in close. While the blond Revolutionary accepted the affection, the freckled pirate struggled to pull away.

"Lu, let go!" Ace squirmed- kicking the table as he tried to escape. Luffy just squeezed tighter, giggling, until his brother gave up with a sigh, going limp.

Clearing her throat to get everyone's attention, Vivi traced the coast of Alabasta on the map. "There's an easy route from this bay to Katorea, so those of us headed that way can leave this evening. The Yuba team should take the ship around to the other side of the Sandora River and anchor in this delta." The princess tapped the paper. "If you travel along the trade route through Erumalu, you should be able to reach Yuba in two, maybe three days, and Rain Dinners the day after that."

Nami nodded. I could see her memorizing the route. Beside her, Usopp sighed. "Why can't we have Vivi make plans _all_ the time?" the gunner wondered. "It's so much nicer than when Luffy runs off yelling like a madman, or Jones crashes through the forest with an out-of-control dinosaur."

"Oi! That one was Sanji's!" I scowled at Usopp; he stuck his tongue out at me. Vivi flushed at the gunner's praise.

"And technically, it would make more sense to send Sabo with the diplomatic team," I pointed out. Ace glared at me on that suggestion, wrapping his arms around his brothers despite protesting Luffy's affection mere moments before.

"No way!"

The sound of Nami tapping her _Clima-Tact_ on the floor interrupted me before I could retaliate. "Let them stick together Jones. I'm sure it'll be fine." The sailing master looked around the room. "Alright. So, Team Mushroom is heading out to talk to the rebels at Katorea, and Team Turtle is going to Yuba and Rain Dinners to… do whatever it is Jones thinks is so important to do there. Does anyone have any questions?"

Those were some arbitrary team names. I snickered, unable to tell why I found Nami's designation of the divisions so amusing. Ruatha chirped and tried to climb on my shoulders; I held him off with a hand on his muzzle. Uh-uh, no way, not right now. Claws in my skin when I barely _had_ any skin wasn't a good idea. My dragonet whined and crawled under the table to sulk.

Beside me, Chopper raised a hoof. "I have a question. Why does Jones keep a barrel of dried apple seeds in the hold?"

"Classified~" I said in a raspy sing-song. Nami rolled her eyes.

"Let me rephrase that- does anyone have any questions related to the mission at hand?" When no one raised their hands, Nami smiled. "Good! So, everyone who's going to Katorea, go get everything you need. If you leave in the next half hour, you should have a good while still to walk before it gets too dark."

Johnny looked at Yosaku as the hunters got to their feet. "Think they're ready for testing Bro?"

"Not really- I still think yours is gonna jam, with how much smaller you tried to make the pumps." The green hunter shrugged. "But we'll need to try 'em out sooner or later, so we may as well." The pair raced off to the bilge before the rest of their team was even fully out of their seats.

I stood when Lisa did. That was one thing I was feeling guilty about- she was my responsibility; I should've kept her with me. But her hypnotism and former position as a high-ranking agent in Baroque Works would make her more useful rooting infiltrators out of the rebellion, while my story knowledge could prove vital along the canon route. Especially without Vivi there to warn people about the dangers of the desert at the last minute. I poked the little girl in the forehead. "Make sure you listen to Ghin while I'm gone. Stay close to him; he'll keep you safe."

Lisa pouted at me. "I was an officer agent of Baroque Works. I _can_ look after myself," she pointed out.

"But you're only twelve, so you shouldn't _have_ to." I shook my head. "Enjoy being a kid while you can; it'll pass soon enough."

"That's almost exactly the same as what Nami and Vivi said…" She wasn't protesting though. The little painter pulled a small survival backpack- prepared while we were sailing earlier- from under the table and shouldered it with a small smile.

Ghin marched over and laid a hand on Lisa's shoulder. "Don't worry about _her_ , Jones, I've got her. You, on the other hand… _Try_ to be careful out in the desert."

"I make no promises." For the first time I could remember, I looked up to properly meet Ghin's eyes. Dark amber stared down at me as my honorary big brother snorted. I wasn't teasing him, though. I didn't _intend_ to go looking for trouble, but I couldn't always avoid it either. Ghin sighed and adjusted my new headscarf so it better protected the back of my neck. Everyone currently on the _Going Merry_ had new, practical desert clothing- with Ghin and Lisa doing the shopping, there were no dancing girl costumes. Although that was probably more Ghin than Lisa.

"Yeah, yeah… Look, I'm still not happy about what Ace did to you. If you manage to get yourself hurt _again_ when I'm not with you, I'm not sure what I'll do. Probably take it out on the idiot pyro." Ghin continued fiddling with my clothes, even though Vivi had declared them perfect before our planning meeting began. "Just… Please, for my sake, be a _little_ more careful than usual. Otherwise…"

He didn't continue. There was a story there, but one he hadn't told me yet. It must have something to do with Tippy… Whenever he mentioned her name, he seemed sad. And angry. I bowed my head, hat shadowing my face. Guilt curled in my gut; I hadn't meant to worry Ghin. "Sorry…"

The holographic unicorn bowed and whined, but I don't think Ghin could see it. He sighed and poked me in the forehead before turning to make sure Lisa's pack had everything she would need on their mission. Rolling her eyes, the little painter complied with the rigger's mother hen tendencies.

Johnny and Yosaku were the last of Team Mushroom to come back on deck as we were getting ready to split up. The hunters scrambled out of the hatchway, panting, each carrying a great _thing_ on their back. These things looked kludged together- a pair of small SCUBA tanks connected via hoses, with another hose coming out the top that ended in a nozzle like some bizarre vacuum cleaner attachment. Each device had buttons and dials on the sides. Johnny's had bright blue bands painted on it, while Yosaku's was marked in acid green. Zoro looked askance at the hunters as they joined the rest of their team.

"What're those?"

"Ranged weapons," Yosaku informed the bosun. The green hunter patted his sword. "We're not as tough as you Big Bro- we can't just rely on our blades. So we figured, we'd do like Big Sis Jones- fight close in most of the time, but carry guns if we need them."

"Only we couldn't make guns," Johnny continued, "And we didn't wanna get some mass-produced marine musket or hunting rifle from a market- mostly cause we don't know how to make ammo for those if we run out away from an island. So we made these. They don't have the range of a gun, but if they work right, we can maintain them and make our own ammo no problem."

Zoro frowned, but said nothing. What he thought was clear on his face though- mild contempt and distaste. He didn't like the idea of swordsmen branching out, lessening the time they spent honing their skill with a blade. Especially in cases like this, where the hunters had spent so _much_ time working on something else- these tank devices had to be what they'd been working on in the bilge for _ages_. But at the same time, the bosun seemed to understand; he agreed with the assessment of Johnny and Yosaku not being particularly tough, at any rate.

Usopp approached the hunters, curiosity lighting up his face. He examined their devices with all the eagerness of a fellow inventor. "What do they _do_ , though? They don't look like _any_ sort of gun- and do I hear sloshing?"

Yosaku nodded. "Sure is Bro. These things shoot liquid- we can use almost anything for ammo, even water. But what they're meant for… Mine uses sulphuric acid, and Johnny's uses lye."

Nami shook her head with a sigh. "So _that's_ where all the soap was going. You two…" The sailing master fingered her _Clima-Tact_ meaningfully. Squeaking, the hunters bolted off the ship, leaving Usopp, Ghin, Lisa, Jack, Mairead, and Carue to catch up. The princess turned and looked at Luffy as Team Mushroom got underway.

"You'll meet us in Alubarna when you're done… whatever it is you're doing?"

"Yep, yep, yep!" The rubber boy swung back and forth between his brothers, a hand on each of their shoulders. Vivi smiled at the sight before mounting her duck and riding to lead her team out into the desert. Pink-gold light lit up Team Mushroom as the sun began to sink towards the sand.

X

I had first watch that night. Unlike the daytime, Alabastan nights were cold- cold enough for me to wrap myself in a blanket as I tried to snuggle with my holographic unicorn. Who I was pretty sure was a hallucination by this point, given that Ruatha wasn't snapping and chirping with jealousy. Instead, my little dragon was curled peacefully by my side, snoring. Unlike me, he didn't have to keep watch.

I never wouldn't have gotten away with this had Ghin been on Team Turtle. He would've forced me to bed because of my injuries. But really… I couldn't sleep, not right away. Both because of the remnants of pain, and because the painkillers Chopper had pumped into me were definitely doing _something_ to my brain. And somehow, that something was _not_ sedating me. What was _in_ that stuff?

Heavy boots thudded on the deck behind me. I turned slowly, one hand going for my gun- if I had to fight right now, I wanted something loud that would bring everyone else running. I cocked the pistol, wincing as even that slight movement pulled at my shoulders. But I didn't need to fire. It was just Ace. I holstered my gun with a sigh, flinching involuntarily as the freckled pirate came up to lean on the rails beside me. His hat shadowed his eyes.

"What're you doing up?" I asked, puzzled. Hadn't he gone to bed when his brothers had?

The freckled pirate sighed. "Can't sleep. Sabo's being too loud. I think… He won't say anything, but I think what I did to you gave him nightmares. The scars on his face… It looks like he got burnt pretty bad at some point."

Nodding, I glanced out to sea. Yes, even while hallucinating, I took my position as the person on watch seriously. After all, anything I saw had a fifty percent chance of actually being there. "It was when the Tenryuubito shot his boat, back when you thought he died."

Ace nodded his understanding. For several long minutes, we stood side by side in silence. I shed my blanket; Ace was a natural heater, and with him that close, it was too much. And then…

"I'm sorry…" Ace's voice was low and rough, so quiet I could barely hear him. I shot him a puzzled look.

"Yeah, I know. You said earlier."

"No, I didn't. Not really." Ace shook his head. "I apologized to everyone else for scaring them and burning their crew mate… But I didn't apologize to _you_. The one I actually hurt."

"Oh." I shrugged and turned my gaze back out to sea. I was supposed to be keeping watch, after all. "Apology accepted."

"What?! That's it?!" Ace nearly fell overboard. "You- why aren't you angry at me? I _burned_ you. I mean… I thought you were stronger than you are. Scars like yours- in the New World, they _mean_ something. I thought I _needed_ to go all-out to get information, that you'd just shrug me off like… The only other person I've seen with that many scars is _Pops_. But I didn't… I was actually _hurting_ you. It wasn't that you didn't want to answer, was it? You _couldn't_. I was _torturing_ you!"

"Yeah…" I nodded. Okay, my scars made me look like a New World veteran. Good to know. I might need to hide them sometimes, in that case. "And it hurt a lot- still hurts- but you've stopped, and you've apologized, so it's fine." My chest felt… _numb_ as I spoke. Emotions ran dead- one of the early signs of a depressive episode on the way. It was still early enough to head it off though, so I didn't worry right now. Judging by past events since coming here, something would happen to distract me or cheer me up before things got too bad.

"You- how can you be so calm about this? You should hate me for what I did!" Ace was openly staring now, mouth agape; I could see him out of the corner of my eye.

That was true. That was very true, looking at it logically. But… "I could never hate you. You're my favourite character." My voice was small, quiet, but Ace still heard.

"What?" It wasn't loud- in fact, Ace's voice was barely audible. But that single word was the essence of confusion, as if someone had turned Enel's face when being punched by Luffy into a soundbite. Which reminded me, I needed to get my hands on a visual den-den, both to record that upcoming bit of hilarity, and for my experiments in creating a _One Piece_ internet. But I digress. What I had just said made no sense to Ace whatsoever; it was so far outside any context he had that it was laughable. I felt a tingle in the air as something beyond light or sound shattered.

Ah. That felt good. I didn't know how much I'd missed the feeling of people's brains breaking.

But, with that said… Should I tell him? And if I did, how much? What would he do? Would he attack me again? But… If I wanted Ace's help taking out Blackbeard- and I _definitely_ needed it- I needed him to trust me. Which would be easier if I was honest with him. And, well, he might understand. Ace knew what it was like to have something you didn't want the world to know. I sighed heavily. "It's a long story," I told the freckled pirate. "You don't have to listen. Isn't it enough that I don't hate you?"

Apparently it wasn't. Ace didn't move from his spot on the rails; grey eyes fixed on me in expectation. Well, that was to be expected, I guess. I stared out to sea in silence for a few minutes, gathering my thoughts. When I began telling my story, I kept my voice flat and even. Ace was polite enough not to interrupt, which I was glad for. If I'd had to stop, I wasn't sure I could keep going.

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who grew up believing she was a monster. She could do things the other children couldn't, so they either hated her or feared her. Even her own parents told her she shouldn't do these things, that they were wrong, _impossible_. So she spent all her time immersed in stories, any stories she could get her hands on, looking for a place where she belonged."

"One day, when she was twelve years old, that little girl stumbled upon a series of comics about a rubber pirate and his crazy friends. This story had been running since she was a small child, with eight years of humour and excitement for her to bury herself in- and it was _ongoing_ , so she didn't have to worry about running out of material any time soon. And it was so _good_. She became obsessed with the story, learning as much as she could about pirates and faithfully reading the new chapters every week when they came out."

"Her favourite character was the rubber pirate's older brother. He didn't have a big part at first, but he was amazing- funny, talented, strong, kind… The big brother she always wished she'd had. And the more of his backstory came out, the more she admired him. He'd grown up with the same feelings she had, only much, _much_ worse- he believed the world hated him because his father was the previous king of the pirates. And many of them did… But despite all he went through, despite all the hate and fear, he was able to find people who loved him. To keep smiling. To _live_. So the little girl admired him more and more, wanting to be just like him when she grew up."

"And then… And then came the Paramount War story arc. By then, the little girl wasn't so little anymore; she was seventeen, a martial artist, a figure skater, had the top marks in all her classes… She was well on her way to becoming like the character she admired so much. And the comic was only growing more riveting as the years went on, with the Paramount War as a giant turning point. Her favourite character had been captured by the marines, and all kinds of characters from all over the place were teaming up to either save or execute him. It was intense, exciting… Amazing."

"After a lot of fighting, reveals, flashbacks, and general tension, it looked like the rubber pirate had finally rescued his brother. The two were fighting back to back, running towards a ship that could get them away. It was pure _awesome_. Columns of fire flinging marines away, the execution stand collapsing like an earthquake had hit… The older brother's crew were there, fighting to help the brothers get out and away. And they were almost _free_ … When one of the marine admirals attacked the exhausted younger brother. The older brother jumped in the way to protect the younger… And was pierced through the chest by a fist of magma."

"The younger brother went catatonic. His older brother's crew and friends continued fighting to get him out, and in that they succeeded, but not until after the man who'd initially captured the older brother entered the battle. He killed the older brother's captain- a powerful, kindly man whose greatest treasure was his family- and absorbed his powers."

From the corner of my eye, I could see horror growing on Ace's face. He was so silent as I finished, I wasn't even sure if he was breathing. "The girl had spent so long obsessing over the stories that the world, the characters… they had become real to her. And with the death of her favourite… She went into mourning. For three years, she couldn't bring herself to read her favourite comic because every time she tried, she began crying over a pair of _fictional characters_. So she threw herself into her studies, into other comics and stories… But she was eventually drawn back. And she found that even without her favourite character, she still loved that comic so much. She fell back into her obsession, waiting for the new chapter every Thursday, reading so much fanfiction that even the gods couldn't count it. As for the rest of her life… Her problems with people grew worse and worse. She was so _alone_ , so _afraid_ of other people, such a _freak_. Eventually she couldn't take it anymore. The girl- or, well, young woman by now- tried to take her own life to escape the loneliness and conflicting emotions. But instead of dying, she ended up in the world of her favourite comic. Long _before_ the Paramount War."

My arms twitched with remembered pain. Ace saw the movement; without warning, he reached over and grabbed my wrists, checking the scars that he _must've_ seen earlier. I tried to pull back, but this was _Ace_ ; his grip on my arms was _far_ too strong for me to escape. Grey eyes stared at me in disbelief. "I- You- How?"

"I don't know."

Ace let out a sound somewhere between a groan, a snarl, and a strangled yelp. Releasing my wrists, he pulled away as if _I_ had burned _him_. "You… If you hadn't said- You know about my… _him_. Luffy _promised_ he wouldn't tell, so you couldn't have… But it sounds _insane!_ "

"The novelty of hearing that from people who can do things like _turn into fire_ and _talk with swords in their mouths_ will never cease. This is the _Grand Line_ , the sea where _sanity goes to die_ and yet _I'm_ the crazy one?" I flopped bonelessly across the rail, unable to support myself any longer. "Sesehihihihihi! This is _nuts!_ Right Uni?"

My holographic unicorn hallucination nickered and nibbled on my pants. Ace flopped right beside me, energy draining from him as his face took on an ashen hue. "So… Pops and I die… Saving Luffy? In a war where _he_ showed up to save _me?_ Why would he _do_ something like that? It's my job to protect _him_ , not the other way 'round!"

"He loves you," I reminded the freckled pirate. He sighed.

"Yeah… I don't deserve it though- argh, he's so _stupid_." Ace raised his head just enough to frown at me. "And you are too… Hanging so much on _me_. How could _I_ be your favourite?"

"If you missed that part of the story, too bad. I'm not telling it again." For a brief moment, my emotions overcame my dislike of people. I reached out and laid a hand on Ace's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "And you're _not_ going to die, you _or_ Whitebeard. With where I come from, what I know, I can change things. I _have_ been changing things. And I know how to prevent the Paramount War from ever happening. But I need your help. Blackbeard's the key. We'll have one shot, one chance to take him out before he can truly get started on his plans. I know you don't want to join Luffy's crew, that even if you weren't sailing with Whitebeard, you swore you could never take orders from your little brother, but… Will you sail with us until we meet Blackbeard?"

A wry, choked chuckle; Ace snorted and played with the medallion on his hat. "I don't really have a choice, do I? If I say no, you won't tell me where he is. You're trying to protect me. _Me_. You're fucking insane, you know that? But sure. I want Blackbeard's head, and if I have to work with you to get it, that's fine. It could be worse."

"Good." I nodded. That was easier than I'd expected, not that I was complaining. Without Ace on my side, taking out Blackbeard would be a _lot_ harder. "Oh- and you can't tell Sabo where I'm from. Please? He'd tell Dragon, and I don't want to deal with that can of worms yet."

Ace frowned. "Okay… But- what about Pops? I can't lie to _him_ , especially if you're involved in Whitebeard business. Although… I can promise I won't tell anyone else. And he won't either, not if I tell him it's like me and… _that man_."

"Whitebeard has less motivation than Dragon to _use_ the things I know," I pointed out. "Dragon's leading a revolution, and I have information on all kinds of events, major players, military secrets… I share _some_ things, if I think he can help people, but I don't want things getting too out of control. Not yet. But all Whitebeard wants is to look after his family. Him knowing… I don't mind as much."

A nod. Life started to come back into Ace's countenance. "Fair enough." The freckled pirate rose to go back to the men's cabin. Halfway across the deck, he turned and looked back at me. "Hey, Jones… That comic… That's how you knew Teach would stab Thatch, right?"

"Yeah." Hadn't we just been over this?

"Well… I was just wondering… Did they say whether he'd ever walk again? Cause he seems to be doing alright with the chair Fossa and Curiel made for him, and the way they've rearranged the kitchen, but it's been hard on him. He can't really fight anymore, can't run off exploring islands…" Ace sighed heavily, clenching his fists.

Me? I was floored. _Thatch was_ _ **alive?**_ How? "Wait- Thatch _survived?_ In the comics, he _died_. Are you telling me he's-?"

"Of _course_ he's alive!" Ace's hair burst into flames for a brief second before he regained control. "I'm not the only one who got paranoid after seeing your ad! Jozu said we needed to hunt you down and force you to tell us what you meant about Thatch! Haruta wouldn't shut up for three days, wondering who you were! After your stupid ad, Marco barely let Thatch out of his _sight!_ When Teach went after him, Marco was right in the next room over. Got him to the med bay right away; the nurses couldn't fix his spine, but they stopped him from bleeding out."

 _Tabarnak_. My ad had gotten out _before_ Blackbeard made a move. How had I forgotten- _Ace had still been with Whitebeard when Luffy's bounty was supposed to come out!_ There was a scene of it, a flashback somewhere in the Paramount War arc. Tears- happy tears- stung my eyes. I couldn't hide them from Ace, no matter how hard I tried; my whole body was shaking. Since I couldn't hide the tears, I avoided looking at the freckled pirate so I could pretend he didn't see my weakness, that I didn't have to be ashamed.

"I saved someone," I whispered into my hands, my chest light with a strange mix of hope and disbelief. "Maudit, I actually _saved_ someone. What I'm doing is actually _worth_ something."

A warm wind brushed against me, dancing around and making my clothes flutter. Ruatha snuggled deeper into my side, and a loose line somewhere above fell to drape across my shoulders. Off in the distance, I heard the triumphant splash of a whale breaching. Even the moon seemed to shine a bit brighter. I smiled through my tears as my writer told me in her wordless way that, at least some of the time, I was going to succeed.

X

Lisa bit back a groan as she dragged her feet across the sand. They'd walked for hours last night, and now they'd been walking for most of the day… She was _exhausted_. A large part of her wanted to whine, to complain to Ghin- she knew he'd carry her if she asked- but… but if she did that, Jones would be ashamed. The little painter bit her lip and held her head high as she trudged on. For some reason she still didn't fully understand, she wanted to make the crazy woman _proud_. And despite not being one of the strongest members of the crew, Jones seemed to be able to take _ungodly_ amounts of punishment. So Lisa should be able to handle this desert no problem. It was just a little heat, after all.

Johnny let out a wordless whimper and leaned on Yosaku; the green hunter wrapped an arm around his partner and kissed his forehead. "You're doing fine Bro. Just a little longer; I'm sure we'll be there soon."

Vivi, riding at the fore with Carue, overheard them. The princess turned back and nodded. "We're less than an hour away- I can already smell the perfume. Katorea's where they make most of the makeup that was for sale in Nanohana." Having grown up in the desert, the princess wasn't affected _nearly_ as badly as the rest of them. It just wasn't fair. Vivi wasn't even sweating!

Jack grumbled something unpleasant as he stomped along. Lisa wasn't close enough to hear exactly what he said. Mairead was, though; the muscular woman swatted the wannabe prince upside the head. "Don't waste your energy complaining- that'll only make things worse."

"Yes ma'am." The whiny redhead shut up, rubbing his afflicted skull.

"Why do girls get away with hitting us?" Usopp asked Ghin. "If we hit _them_ , everyone calls us monsters. Usually, anyways."

The rigger shrugged. "I dunno. Some cultures believe that women are weaker than men, and that we shouldn't hurt them because they're delicate. That said, I've never met a woman who couldn't give as good as she got if it came down to that, so I don't think that's true. My bet is that it's some twisted rule someone made for trying to get into their skirts- be nice to them no matter what, and maybe they'll have sex with you."

Usopp looked affronted, shooting an alarmed glance at Lisa. "Ghin! Don't talk like that! There's young ears present!"

"Actually, I already know all about the birds and the bees," Lisa informed the shocked gunner. "Mr Three taught me when I joined Baroque Works- he said that even if I was too young to _perform_ those sorts of missions just yet, I should _know_ about them. His slideshow was… _very_ detailed." The little painter shuddered at the memory.

Her comment seemed to disturb Usopp for some reason. Ghin just shrugged. "She's older than Tippy and I were when we learned."

"Yeah, but you were street rats!" Usopp flailed wildly. "You hung around bars all the time waiting to mug people! Lisa's…" The gunner trailed off. "Actually… Where _do_ you come from Lisa?"

Shrugging, the little painter fiddled with her headscarf. She didn't like the way it pulled at her hat. "The Fleyln Archipelago. I'm not sure exactly where it is; I haven't been home in a long time. Daddy was a sculptor, and Mommy was one of the Painted Warriors that protected the islands. I had two older sisters who were going to be Painted Warriors too, so I could just sort of do whatever I wanted. No expectations. Daddy taught me about art; he said I was really good, the pride of the island."

Now Johnny and Yosaku were looking interested too. Lisa shrank into her voluminous desert robes, her face flushing from all the attention. And maybe a little bit of sunburn- she hadn't been reapplying her sunscreen as often as she should've been. "That sounds pretty cool, Li'l Sis," Johnny said, perking up.

Yosaku nodded, a puzzled frown crossing his face. "But… Why'd a little girl like you join Baroque Works? It sounds like you had a pretty nice life, and you're just a kid…"

Thinking about it made Lisa cringe. Dark. Afraid. _Alone_. She instinctively moved closer to Ghin, grabbing the rigger's hand. He squeezed reassuringly. "Do I _have_ to talk about it?" the little painter asked in a hoarse whisper.

Ghin glared at the hunters as he answered her question. "No. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Johnny and Yosaku let up with frightened whimpers. Lisa didn't blame them. No one wanted to cross Ghin right now. He was still a bit worked up over what Ace did to Jones, and pushing him too hard was likely to result in a tonfa to the face.

"We're here!" Vivi exclaimed before the silence could grow too awkward. The princess and her duck had ridden ahead to scout over the top of a rise. Now they came barrelling back down towards the rest of Team Mushroom, a broad smile on Vivi's face. "Katorea's just over that ridge! And I can see the rebel's tents! Jones was right!"

"You doubted Big Sis?" Yosaku asked, his eyebrows rising. " _Really?_ Still?"

Vivi flushed, embarrassed. "I- It's one thing to hear about it, and to know she knew things about _me_ ; it's another to act on her intelligence and find _whole armies_ where she thought they'd be. I always fought with her over it, but I didn't actually expect… I'll need to introduce her to the high priests after everything is over. They'll have a field day."

It wasn't much longer before Lisa saw it, as the group staggered over the sandy rise. Below them lay a small town, the buildings made of pale adobe. A faint smell of perfume hung about the place; Lisa was impressed with Vivi's nose, if the princess had really been able to smell that from even further away. A series of large tents, covered wagons, and temporary paddocks were arranged around the edges of the town- those must be the rebels Vivi was so easy to see.

Lisa couldn't help the soft groan of relief that escaped her as they began to walk down the hill into Katorea. _Soon_. Soon she could rest. Ghin chuckled and patted her on the head with his free hand. "You've done well. Just hold on a bit longer."

It appeared to be all Vivi could do to keep herself from racing on ahead with Carue. The princess fidgeted in her saddle as Team Mushroom made their way through town, towards the largest of the rebel tents. "It's been years," she muttered. "I hope they remember me. Okame, Kebi, Natto, Farafra, I can't wait to see you again!"

As the group drew near to the rebel tents, they were met by two men. One, a lean swordsman with goggles on his helmet, pointed a blade at Vivi. "Halt! Who goes there?"

"Kebi!" Vivi jumped down off of Carue and ran forwards to hug the swordsman. He froze in surprise. His partner- a giant of a man with only one arm and a face that reminded Lisa of a hippo- didn't do anything to stop the princess.

Vivi released her shocked captive after a few seconds and took a step back. "Kebi, it's me- Vivi. I need to speak to Kohza _right now_ \- this war… He's making a _horrible_ mistake!"

The swordsman looked like someone had just punched him in the gut. "V-vice-leader?!" he squawked. "You're- you're alive?! This is wonderful news! Leader's been beside himself ever since you disappeared!" Then he cleared his throat, regaining some semblance of self-control. "But, um… You're a royal. We can't just let you talk to Leader _alone_ , not with the way things are right now. Sorry…"

"Then you and Farafra come with us," the princess told her friend. "And get someone to bring Okame and Natto too; it's something you should all hear. No one else though; just the four of you and Kohza. There are… We can't trust anyone else with this information until we've verified some things."

Kebi nodded. His partner- Lisa assumed that was Farafra- wandered off to find the people Vivi had requested while the swordsman led Team Mushroom inside. For a few seconds before the tent flap closed behind her, Lisa could feel eyes boring into the back of her neck. Of course. There were a bunch of Billions infiltrating the army; at least _some_ of them had recognized her as an officer agent, and this was far enough away from Nanohana that Mr Two's report probably hadn't spread yet. They were wondering what she was doing here.

A blond man with purple sunglasses looked up from a pile of reports as Team Mushroom entered the tent. "Kebi, what's- _Vivi?_ "

The man stood. Two long strides covered the width of the tent; he had the princess in his arms before anyone could react. The hug was brief though. He quickly set her down, taking a small step back. "You're _alive_ … Wait. Does your father know yet? What're you doing here? Shit, I can't have you in my camp when I'm _at war_ with your father!"

"I'm here to stop this war. It's a _mistake!_ " Vivi glared up at the blond man; Lisa wondered if this was the Kohza that the princess mentioned occasionally. Probably.

Jack snickered as the pair stared at each other. "Just kiss already." Mairead promptly hit him over the head for that comment.

Kohza was the first to break the silence. "Vivi, I know you don't want to believe this of your father, but… He's using _Dance Powder_. Alubarna has plenty of rain while the rest of the country wallows in drought. And he won't even use it to give any of the other towns any relief."

"Father would _never_ do something like that," Vivi insisted. "Using Dance Powder is illegal; it messes up the weather patterns for kilometers. Father knows that."

"He _admitted_ to it in front of an entire _town! I was_ _ **there!**_ " Kohza slapped his hand down on a nearby crate for emphasis. His shoulders drooped. "I- I didn't want to believe it either. King Cobra was like an _uncle_ to me. But I _saw_ him, _heard_ him say it."

Vivi was silent for a long moment. Farafra returned while she was thinking, accompanied by a skinny woman in red and a shirtless man who carried a huge club. The rest of Vivi's friends, most likely. After maybe thirty more seconds, the princess gasped. Grey eyes lit up with realization.

"No. That wasn't Father you saw- it only looked like him. Kohza, the drought, this war, it's all being orchestrated by an organization called Baroque Works. The leader is Sir Crocodile; he's trying to take over Alabasta. And one of his officers can transform _into other people_. I've seen them. He never turned into my father in front of us, but I'd bet our old hideout that Mr Two can turn into my father just as easily as he can turn into Jones. _That's_ who you saw."

The princess' revelation elicited gasps from the small group of rebels assembled. Kohza appeared to lose the strength to stand, leaning back on a crate as he stared at Vivi in shock. "How- how do you know?"

"That's where I went when I disappeared- Igaram and I were infiltrating Baroque Works to try and figure out what was going on. We had our suspicions, and then…" The princess shuddered and gestured at a few members of Team Mushroom. "Jack, Mairead, and Lisa can confirm my story. Jack was my partner while I was in Baroque Works, and Mairead was Igaram's; Lisa was a high-ranking officer agent."

Kohza looked askance at the three; Lisa nodded her head rapidly, with Jack and Mairead not far behind. The rebel leader looked thoughtful for a moment, then… "Who are the rest of these people?"

"Usopp, Ghin, Johnny, and Yosaku; they're members of the Straw Hat Pirates, the group that saved me and brought me home after Crocodile found out what I'd discovered." Now the princess had tears welling up at the corners of her eyes; she wiped them away impatiently. Her voice cracked as she continued to speak. "We- we got separated from Igaram on the way. Miss All Sunday- Crocodile's right hand- did something to him."

Rubbing his temples, Kohza let out a pained sigh. "Ybn El-Mitneka…" The rebel leader lapsed into momentary silence, a stormy look on his face, as he mourned someone Lisa assumed had been a friend. The demands of the situation didn't allow him to dwell on it for long though. "Okay, so what do we _do?_ Even if I'm just marching up to surrender, the Royal Army won't take kindly to two million rebels approaching Alubarna."

Vivi nodded. "And before we can do that, we have another problem as well." She sighed as all her old friends looked askance at her. "The rebel army… You've been infiltrated by Baroque Works. If you try and surrender before they've been rooted out, who knows what will happen? I'm a little surprised they didn't attack _us_ as we came in- guess they didn't get the news yet that I'm alive and three numbered agents had defected. It's only a matter of time… And if you deviate from the plan, they might go after _you_ too."

"But I can't fight Cobra _now_ ," Kohza groaned. "Not if you're right. If he's innocent, I'll be leading my men- this entire country!- into a trap."

"We need to find the infiltrators and… I don't know, imprison them or something." Vivi's words rang true, but her heart wasn't in them. The princess drooped at the thought of the monumental task. Interviewing each and every member of the rebel army to figure out how many Billions were among them- it was a daunting task. No one else spoke for several long minutes, lost in their own hopelessness at the thought.

Then Usopp raised a hand, his eyes lighting up as his back straightened. "I- I think I've got it. Johnny, Yosaku, how long would it take you two to set up a bucket trap that could catch a whole army at once?"

The hunters looked at each other and shrugged. "About an hour, Big Bro. Why?"

Instead of answering, Usopp nodded and turned to Lisa. "And you… Could you mix enough paint to splash two million people?"

That was a _lot_ , but… "Probably. It doesn't take very much to get someone to react. What colour?"

"Truthful Turquoise." The gunner grinned. Then he spun to face the rebels. "And you… You need to come up with an excuse to bring the whole army together. Make sure they're not suspicious of whatever Johnny and Yosaku set up."

Kohza looked at Kebi; the swordsman nodded. "A training drill should do the trick. Unless you had something else in mind, Leader?"

"No, that sounds good to me. Go tell the men; we'll be holding a mass formation drill in an hour and a half, as preparation for our assault on Alubarna." Kohza looked at Usopp as his friends nodded and left. "I hope you know what you're doing; if this doesn't work, we're all in deep shit. Deep _lion_ shit."

The gunner rubbed his nose with a nervous giggle. "Yeah… I hope I know what we're doing too."

For the next hour, Lisa focused intently on her work. Mixing several gallons of a colour was different than mixing a little splash to hypnotize one person, after all. She had to be _very_ careful about how she balanced the colours, especially since she wasn't using her own paints. No, she didn't have enough. Instead, Okame- the woman in red- had given her access to the army's supply of war paint. All the colours were slightly different… But by mixing in as much of her own paint as she could, Lisa was able to eventually match the hue she needed. And just in time too; there were less than ten minutes to go until the drill by the time Johnny and Yosaku got the bucket trap ready and her paints were done. She barely had time to get the paints _into_ the buckets before the rebels began lining up.

Kohza rode at the lead sword drawn. "Alright men, I want a quadruple column formation! As if we were marching on Alubarna- that means artillery to the wings! And charioteers, I know you can go faster, but by Sekhmet's bloody claws, _let the heavy infantry lead!_ They're better suited for facing stone walls!"

The sound of the army rearranging itself was deafening- millions of footsteps and hoofbeats as infantry, artillery, cavalrymen, and chariots all moved into formation. Their steps kicked up massive amounts of dust from the bone-dry desert; wheels creaked loudly and weapons clanked. It was truly a remarkable sight, watching two million men, women, and animals move into formation around a set of posts that ostensibly marked distance. Above them, taught lines hummed in the wind, waiting for their burdens to be released.

Natto blew a horn, signalling for the rebels to stop and check their positions- and also for Johnny and Yosaku to release the mechanism. The hunters did so with glee. Buckets of paint raced down the lines, splashing and spilling as they went, until a quick twist by Usopp caused each section of the device to flip, the buckets throwing paint everywhere as they were upended. Every member of the army was hit- there was so much paint that it was impossible to avoid.

Before anyone could so much as yelp in disgust, Ghin was at the head of the army. The rigger yelled at the top of his lungs, his volume making Lisa wince and cover her ears. But at least they could be sure everyone heard.

" _ **ALRIGHT MAGGOTS! WHICH OF YOU ARE WORKING FOR BAROQUE WORKS? RAISE YOUR HANDS!**_ "

Hands went up- many, many hands. Of the two million soldiers, it looked like nearly a third had been Baroque Works Billions. Lisa shook her head and sighed. She should've expected that… This operation belonged to Mr Six and Miss Mother's Day, both of whom were firmly convinced there was no kill like overkill. Kohza looked at his men in shock for a moment before regaining his senses.

"Anyone who didn't just raise your hand, tie up those who did! We'll figure out what to do with them in a minute!"

The now-revealed Billions moved to fight back as the rebels closed in. But where Usopp hadn't anticipated this, Lisa had. Waving a hand, the little painter indicated for Johnny and Yosaku to release a second volley.

"Calming Green!"

More buckets raced down into position. Usopp let out a yelp and pulled his lever on instinct when he saw them, flipping the lines and spraying the army with paint once more. Unfortunately, there was a great deal of friendly fire that doused most of the _honest_ rebels as well, but there was no way to avoid that on such short notice. And with the Billions in a calm daze, it didn't matter so much if it took longer to round them all up. Lisa helped. She wasn't sure what they were going to do with so many incapacitated men, but… That was Kohza and Vivi's problem, not hers.

As they were busy tying up hundred of dazed Billions, Ghin wandered over to Usopp and clapped the gunner on the shoulder, making him jump. "That," the rigger said appreciatively, "Was a good plan."

Usopp rubbed his nose, flushing slightly with embarrassment. "Eheheheheh… Thanks."

X

"We'll have to leave the _Merry_ here," Nami observed with a sigh as we came in sight of the mouth of the river. I nodded in agreement. The Sandora River, though broad as Hell, was nowhere near deep enough to take a ship up. Probably barely enough to cover Sabo's head. Of course, for a bunch of Devil Fruit users, that was still plenty deep enough to drown in.

We anchored the _Going Merry_ on the west side of the Sandora Delta. Sandelta? Deltora- wait, wrong franchise. The thought made me smile, though, as Ace and I were furling the sails. Zoro slept below us, while Sanji and Chopper were preparing supplies for the desert trek. And with Sabo the one dropping anchor… Merde. There was no one keeping an eye on Luffy, was there? Confirming my suspicions, my captain took a flying leap off the rails, landing onshore with a heavy thud.

"Alright! I smell _adventure!_ "

Almost as soon as Luffy's feet touched sand, round green _things_ began moving all along the shore. I freed one hand from the lines to facepalm. Of course… And Vivi wasn't here to say anything. Although at least Usopp was also absent, so we wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment of watching our gunner get his ass handed to him by a bunch of marine mammals. I opened my mouth to warn my captain, but I was too late.

"RAUP! RAUP!" The first of many small, brown-and-green mammals leapt from the surf, drawing back its flipper like a mighty fist. It tried to punch Luffy in the back of the head, only for him to turn at the last moment and catch its fist in midair.

"Hey! Cool! A little warrior seal thing! What're you doing?"

"RAUP REEP!" The dugong proceeded to slap Luffy in the face with its tail. My captain flung the little mammal away on reflex, leading to it crashing into a rock… And proclaiming its defeat with a loud sigh.

What followed was… Well, quite honestly, both badass and adorable. One by one, Luffy was attacked by dugongs the size of a golden retriever, each determined to beat him in single combat. And one by one, he defeated said dugongs, laughing the whole time as he punched and kicked and tossed them away. Soon enough, there were no dugongs left to fight; all the little warriors lay insensate on the ground.

"Shishishishi! You guys are funny! Why'd you attack me though?"

"Reep reep rawp. Raup rawp. Rereep," one of the dugongs groaned. Luffy pouted.

"Sorry, I don't speak funny warrior seal."

"She says they're called kung-fu dugongs," Chopper translated, trotting to the rail. The little reindeer was in pretty bad shape because of the heat- his fur was matted with sweat, and he was panting like a dog. It was only the danger of heat stroke that had gotten him to remove his jersey and replace it with more suitable desert attire. "Anytime a newcomer arrives on their shores, they must challenge him in a feat of arms. Winning such a challenge is a dugong's right. If they lose… If they lose, they must become the student of he who defeated them, in order to better their individual combat abilities and those of the tribe as a whole."

"Oh… Cool!" Luffy looked absolutely _delighted_ with the idea of having students. Meanwhile, Ace and Sabo groaned simultaneously, burying their faces in their hands. And really… What was so wrong with Luffy teaching the dugongs a thing or two? It couldn't hurt anyone, and it wasn't like they could pull off any of his Gum-Gum techniques anyway.

 _Ooooh, idea cake!_

I jumped down from the mast, absorbing the force of my fall for later use, and pried Ruatha off my shoulder. The dragon whined as I set him on the rails. Nami shot me a confused look as I stretched my shoulders, testing the pull of the burned flesh. Not too bad, especially since Chopper still had me hopped up on painkillers. Although at least my unicorn hallucination was gone…

"Jones, what're you doing?"

Sorry Nami, couldn't answer that before getting started. If I did, Chopper would stop me. He looked like he was about to grab me and stop me on _principle_ , so I jumped down to the sand before he could. Finding the oldest, toughest-looking dugong I could, I knelt down on the beach and bowed, my forehead touching the sand.

"Onegaishimasu."

After a moment, a flipper tapped me on the shoulder, indicating for me to raise my head. Huge brown eyes stared into mine; I didn't blink. Not until the dugong did first, grumbling something to himself in his bestial language before addressing me. "Raup reep reep raup rawp, raupa."

" _WHAT?!_ " Chopper's jaw dropped, his eyes bulging out of his head. Nami glanced down at the reindeer with a frown.

"What is it? What's going on?"

The doctor ignored her, popping into Heavy Point and vaulting over the rail of the _Merry_. "Jones! _I told you no training yet!_ " Before he could get close enough to grab me, however, he was stopped, surrounded by a large number of dugongs. And while Luffy had been able to defeat them easily, a couple of heavy punches were enough to make Chopper pause and rethink his advance.

I shot Chopper a questioning look- hey, I couldn't speak dugong, even if _they_ could understand _me_. Sighing, the reindeer popped back into Brain Point as he gave in. "He says he'll honour your request if you can defeat five of his students in single combat," Chopper grumbled. His ears lay flat against his skull. "Jones… _Please_ don't do this. You've barely had _any_ chance for your back to heal _at all_."

"Sorry Choppy, but I have to." I rose to my feet, bowing to the dugong to show my acceptance of his terms. In my head, I recited an apology to a man who would likely never hear or read it. _I'm very sorry Sensei. I know I should've asked you first, or at least given some indication that I was interested in pursuing other styles right now. But… You're not here. I can't ask you_ anything _, and I might_ need _to learn more in order to survive this world._ "I've- I've finally picked a dream, I think."

That left the doctor confused, while Luffy, Zoro, Nami, and Sanji all frowned at me. "But… I thought your dream was to write a story that would make people smile?" Luffy asked, cocking his head to the side. "That's what you said when we went over the mystery mountain."

"It is," I assured him, "But my saying that was largely a bit of meta-humour. The story's being written with every breath we take; _I_ don't have to put much actual effort into it. It's another me who holds the pen. So while I'm _here_ , in _this_ world… _This_ me is going to learn _all_ the martial arts styles I can get my hands on. _That's_ my new dream- to be the greatest karate-ka this world has ever seen."

Saying those words felt _so_ corny, it was unbelievable. But… It was a good one. I was _sure_ , this was what I wanted. What I didn't tell anyone was _why_. For most of my life, I'd been trying to find a place where I fit, or trying to die- often both at once. But now… Now I _had_ a place where I belonged, so I didn't _want_ to die anymore. Not just that… I wanted to _protect_ people. No one was taking these friends, this crew, away from me. _Ever_. Which meant I had to work _hard_ , since I wasn't the same as the humans of this world. And the best way for me to do that- the only way I really knew- was through martial arts. Which I just so happened to love anyway.

Zoro nodded in approval; Nami, less understanding in the ways of the dojo, threw a bottle at me. Rather than letting it hit my head, I reached up and caught it. Empty… Oh well. The sailing master scowled. "Jones! I thought we were on a schedule or something! Do you _really_ have time to play-fight with a bunch of marine mammals?"

"I won't take long," I promised, settling into a fighting stance. "And if it looks like I'll be longer than I think, you can always leave me here. Chopper won't like me getting involved in the actual plot with my back like this anyway, and I can always guard the ship." Which would be boring as Hell, but I made the offer anyway. Not that I imagined it would be needed. I mean… Earthling against half-turtle, half-dugong mutants that _lived_ to fight. I knew I was a better fighter than Usopp, so I probably wouldn't get curbstomped _too_ badly, but I didn't really expect much to come of this. Still, I had to start trying somewhere.

Five dugongs lined up in front of me. While their sensei sat where he was, watching the challenge with piercing eyes, the rest of the tribe formed up in front of Luffy. He started showing them… something. I wasn't really paying attention. Deep breaths; focus on my own fight.

Settling into a fighting stance, I nodded at the dugongs to show I was ready. Chopper groaned and clapped a hoof to his head, but he'd given up trying to talk me out of this. Weirdly quickly, I might add. The elder dugong I'd been addressing nodded back and motioned to a younger mammal warming up off to one side. The smaller dugong leapt to its… tail and charged at me with abandon.

"RAAAAUUUUUPAAAAAAN!" The young dugong bullrushed me, slamming himself into my stomach in a full-on tackle that knocked the wind out of me and shoved me back. Which… I'm sure against someone their own size, that was a good takedown, but I was twice the height of my opponent and probably three or four times the weight. Realizing this, the dugong dropped to the ground and began launching a series of punches at my knees- the highest point he could reach.

I jumped over the dugong's strikes, firing off a back kick as I came down behind him. Only, it went right over his head. Tabarnak. I wasn't used to fighting people who were smaller than me- especially not _that_ much smaller. The dugong cheered at my forgetfulness and planted a flipper in the sand, spinning to slam his tail up and into the back of my knee. I toppled forwards, instinctively going to roll… And then had to stop myself at the last minute so I didn't roll over my burns. The resultant flop knocked the wind out of me. Not that I stayed down- that would be a bad idea. I struck backwards with an elbow as I came up, firing the dugong away. What? Strong fighters they may have been, but they were still _small_. And _light_.

Instead of a normal fighting stance, I slid into shiko dachi. More effort on the legs, but it was easier to fight low that way. The little dugong planted his tail back in the sand and jumped, trying the same tackling maneuver he'd used on me at first, complete with the same growling warcry. Except this time I was better braced- I didn't move at all. Fist hooking up as if for a low punch, I instead slid my fingers under the lower edge of his plastron and lifted the dugong up, raising him over my head. A quick spin and drop planted the dugong headfirst into the sand. One down, four to go. This one must be a beginner.

My assumption was proven correct a moment later when the second dugong student approached. This one looked older, moved more cautiously. She approached in some low stance- probably the dugong equivalent of shiko dachi or kiba dachi- one flipper ready to block, the other making tentative jabs at me. I blocked or deflected each one, although most of them I didn't _really_ need to- she was checking my reflexes, probing my defenses. So I began testing hers in return, firing off my own jabs and kicks. My opponent didn't deflect, choosing to block everything. And her blocks were _strong_. Soon my forearms were singing with the mild, familiar pain of bone striking bone.

I loved it.

"TAI!" A low kick, the height of a groin kick, but with the technique of a roundhouse. My shin met shell as my opponent curled into a ball; the bones sang. These familiar feelings, the rush of sparring… Soon I was lost, forgetting _why_ I was fighting. All I remembered was that I _was_ , and that it was so much _fun_. Even a curled-up dugong, crashing through my knees in a hardened ball of shell and muscle, couldn't take away my enjoyment.

"Sesehihihihihi!" I was laughing even as I crashed into the sand, despite the shot of pain it sent through my burned back. Planting my hands, I tried something I'd never done on Earth, swinging my legs around in some sort of weird double kick that looked like a botched version of something Sanji would do in the opening credits. I missed the dugong as she uncurled and leapt away; all my weird maneuver got me was another twisting, painful pull across my burns as I swung awkwardly to my feet. Standing brought my right into a punch from the dugong, sort of- her flipper thudded heavily into my thigh. I've taken more punishment than that though; fighting taekwondo practitioners tends to get you kicked in the legs a lot, at least in my experience. I spun on the ball of my foot and slammed the least satisfying axe kick ever down onto the dugong's head. She collapsed forwards, rolling towards her already-defeated companion, eyes spinning.

The third dugong combined the talents of the first two- he was as aggressive as the first, but more skilled like the second. Instead of trying to tackle me, he raced in with a series of bounding leaps, apparently determined to punch me in the head. I was still laughing, unable to stop, practically skipping as I moved backwards and around. He was _fast_ , and for such a little guy, being able to jump that high was impressive- my head was more than twice his height off the ground. He was even smaller than the average dugong.

"ReepreepreepreepreepreepreepreepREEP!" This little fellow was _not_ happy with my continued ability to avoid him. He punched faster and faster, bouncing up and down like Luffy on a sugar high. I grinned and lashed out with a palm strike; the dugong met my open hand with his fist, striking hard enough that we both got pushed backwards. Ramping up the friction beneath my feet prevented me from skidding too much- _gotta_ remember that one. It could be useful later. Meanwhile my opponent bounced off a rock and flipped through the air, coming back down on me with a vengeance. I brought up an arm to block- only to have the dugong roll his punch around my arm and _still_ manage to strike my head.

"REEREEP!" That punch was accompanied by a triumphant yell, as well as a burst of pain through my head. It was worse than being punched by Nami, but nowhere near as bad as Ghin. The dugong continued from there, flowing seamlessly into four more punches, one to each of the four quadrants of my body- upper right, upper left, lower right, lower left, in that order. Each punch was like being hit with a hammer. But while he was attacking different sectors cleverly, he didn't appear to actually be hitting anything particularly useful. No pressure points or anything.

Landing and spinning on his flippers, the dugong tried to take me out at the ankles with a tail sweep. I jumped over him, snapping a punch down into a shell-covered head. The dugong smacked face first into the ground, rolling across the sand and coming up just in time for me to jab him in the throat. Not hard enough to do any permanent damage, but enough to set the aquatic mammal gasping.

Sweat poured down my body. Fighting in this heat was finally catching up to me, cutting through my enjoyment of the match. Gritty dust, kicked up by the motions of combat, clung to my skin and the inside of my throat.

"RAUPA!" Dugong number four came at me from the side as I tried to catch my breath. I spun to intercept him, only to have him intercept my interception. Flesh slapped against flesh. Repeated strikes yielded the same result- every time the dugong punched, I caught it on my arms; every time I kicked, he blocked with a flipper. Then a headbutt slammed into my hip, breaking my rhythm. I staggered sideways.

The dugong yipped proudly as he took advantage of the opening. Seven strikes snaked in, too fast for me to get my guard up- a hammer fist on top of my skull; rapid, stinging jabs to my forehead, throat, chest, and solar plexus; a heavy punch that buried itself in my stomach; and a spinning tail-kick to the base of my spine. I wheezed, gasping for breath as both my throat and my diaphragm fought against me.

Zoro groaned from where he was watching. " _Jones_ … Take your damn weights off when you fight."

Yeah, I should probably start doing that. I couldn't do it _now_ though- there was no time to stop and take my weights off in the middle of a match! The dugong jumped for my head again, thinking Zoro's words had distracted me; they hadn't. This time, I met the marine mammal's hammer fist with my foot, relishing my opponent's squeak of surprise as I swung my leg up over my head. Balance and flexibility, my second and third greatest strengths as a fighter. Normally from here I would've dropped into an axe kick, but since the dugong was on top of my foot rather than under it… I kept swinging my foot around and down in an arc, guiding my opponent to the ground. He squawked at me, immediately launching himself into a flying tail kick; I blocked that with my shin as I went for a kick of my own.

Sweat was starting to get under the bandages on my back; my burns stung. A surge of adrenaline mitigated the pain. Needed to move faster, _faster_ … Had to get past the dugong's guard. He came at me head-on, launching a flurry of blows similar to a non-rubber version of Gum-Gum Gatling. And here his momentum gave me an opening- I stepped forty-five degrees to the side rather than trying to block, bringing one hand down on the back of his neck in a heavy chop that worked _oh so much_ better on a dugong than on Zoro. A punch to the ribs, just below the edge of the plastron, made a good follow-up; I added a roundhouse kick on the end for good measure.

Four dugongs down, one to go. I was exhausted-not that I would let anyone see it. Fighting to control my breathing, I grinned. Maybe… I'd thought I would lose this, but maybe I could actually _win_ the challenge. I could almost taste victory at this point. It… It kind of tasted like chicken.

I _felt_ my last opponent before I saw her- and I don't mean in a spontaneously-developing-Kenbunshoku-Haki type of way. A heavy tail kick slammed into my lower back, followed by a rapid series of jabs to pressure points up and down my limbs. I spun to face the final dugong student, only to have my legs give out under me. And my arms… Whatever combination of pressure points this dugong had hit, they made my arms sluggish and weak. I couldn't get a block up in time to stop the spinning tail strike that slammed my head into the ground. Tabarnak… That's what I get for letting myself get cocky for a minute. It wasn't as hard as a Fist of Love, but even with my powers, that one _hurt_.

Nami gasped; Chopper let out a strangled noise of distress. Right by my head, the dugong I was fighting began a triumphant yell… A yell I cut off by heaving my arms and legs under me and pushing myself up. Surprised brown eyes met my gaze as I pulled my face out of the sand, blowing upwards to clear some of it off my miraculously-unbroken glasses. "I- I may not be anything special by your standards, but don't underestimate me."

"Rawp?" The dugong cocked her head in confusion as I stood up. A quick movement brushed the uncomfortable sand from my front; I settled into a fighting stance and shot my opponent my best determined glare.

"Where I come from, Sensei called me his Little Monster. Compared to what you're used to, I'm not particularly strong or fast… I probably don't seem that tough at all, aside from maybe being decent technique-wise." My glare morphed into a smirk. "Even back home, most people thought my best skill as a fighter was my flexibility, my ability to kick people taller than me in the head. The few who tried throwing me thought it was my balance, honed through ten years of figure skating. But the real reason Sensei called me his Little Monster… _was my ability to take a hit!_ "

I jabbed roughly at the joint where flipper met torso, aiming for where the brachioplexus would be on a human. Not that I knew if it would do anything on a dugong, but still. My opponent deflected and jumped back, eyes narrowing as she re-evaluated my abilities. I panted and shifted my stance.

"It might not be much by this world's standards- I've taken a couple hits here that I think would've killed me without my Devil Fruit, although I've never had a chance to test. But it was something I always _prided_ myself on- my high pain tolerance, durability, and _resistance to pressure points_." Oh, they still affected me, most of them, but there were a fair few that I could just brush off, and I _did_ tend to recover more quickly that way than a lot of my fellow students. Sometimes it was good to be a _freak_.

"RAUPA!"

"TAI!"

The dugong and I clashed together, knuckle to knuckle and shin to tail as we both had the same thoughts at once. She swung out of the deadlock, vaulting over and around my leg as she aimed a kick at my stomach. I blocked with a hand, catching her in midair just before she hit me; my fingers sang in muted protest. Tossing my light opponent back, I lunged in for a three-level punch as she flipped through the air. My first two hits landed, but she managed to catch my arm on the third, levering herself into a handstand atop it and swinging inwards for a tail kick to my face. Dugong met jaw with a heavy, wet smack. My opponent dropped to the ground in front of me as I staggered back.

"Rawp raupa!" The dugong's fist sank into my stomach as my hand collided with the side of her head. I coughed and gasped; her eyes spun. My lungs recovered before my opponent's sense of balance. Lunging forwards, I planted a hand on the dugong's shell and took a brief moment to focus. Strike _through_ the target- the first time I'd ever used a focus break on a living opponent. A snap of my wrist sent her flying… But not before she'd recovered enough to twist slightly as she was launched. A heavy tail strike, harder and more painful than any of the preceding ones, slammed into my chin, knocking me over onto my back. A screeching symphony of pain sang down my spine.

My vision went black.

…

Luckily, it didn't stay that way for long. I woke up after a few minutes, groaning on my back while someone waved something smelly in front of my face. And… Pain! My burns were _not_ happy with the position I found myself in. I rolled over onto my stomach as fast as I could manage, wincing at the additional pain of the movement, as well as the feeling of sand getting _everywhere_. So coarse and rough… Yuck. The pain in my back slowly receded as I took a look around.

Chopper was the one standing over me, a vial of something uncorked in his hoof. It _reeked_ of lavender and peppermint- not unpleasant, but _very_ strong. The reindeer stared down at me with disapproval. "Why?" he groaned in a small voice, not elaborating. One hoof pinned me down as he sniffed at my back to determine if I had reopened anything.

"You could've stopped me if you _really_ wanted to," I pointed out, pushing myself up into a sitting position. Chopper scowled and shook his head.

"By the time I got a chance, the dugongs were prepared to stop me from reaching you! Some sort of stupid honour thing…" The doctor sighed. "Well, at least you don't seem to have done any more damage to your back, _yet_. But now you're going to want to train, aren't you? And _somehow_ you're going to find a way around me, or someone will keep me from stopping you… Why do you have to be such an _idiot?_ " Corking up his vial, Chopper buried his face in his hooves in despair.

Well, _of course_ I was going to want to train. Yes, I'd _expected_ to lose the kung-fu dugong challenge, but somehow that didn't make it any less _embarrassing_. Probably because they were so small- appearance-wise, it was like losing to a gang of six-year-olds. And I'd been _so close_. My pride could handle getting curbstomped by Zoro and Ghin; it could _not_ handle being beaten up by the local wildlife. I spun on my knees to face the dugongs, bowing to them again to show my appreciation for being given the chance to challenge them.

A flipper rested on the back of my head before I could say anything. "Raup. Reep reep, rawp, raup reep raupan."

"He says his name is Doya," Chopper translated, "And that, though it is most unorthodox, he would be honoured to have you as one of his students. You would be the first human in five hundred years to be initiated into the art of Dugong Fu."

"What?!" My head snapped up in surprise. "I- erm- not that I'm not grateful, Sensei Doya, but… Why would you accept me as a student? You said I had to beat five of your disciples."

"You did," came Zoro's low voice. The bosun leapt down from the _Going Merry_ , waving his hand at something off to one side. I looked- and saw my last opponent sitting slumped in the dirt, rubbing her head and plastron as her eyes spun. "Barely, but you did. Simultaneous knockout."

Nami jumped down beside him, Ruatha on her shoulder- although my dragon abandoned the sailing master as soon as her feet hit the sand, scrambling over to me with a keening screech and shoving his muzzle into my hair. Sighing heavily, the navigator planted a hand on her hip. The other rubbed at her temple. "Great- that's all great Jones. Congratulations and all that- but aren't we on a schedule? You can't stick around here while the rest of us go on ahead- you're the one who knows where all the traps and things are!"

Merde. I hadn't thought of that. But yeah, without Smoker around… He'd been kind of a help in canon, hadn't he, with all the Billions and things around Rain Dinners? I seemed to remember something about him leading an evacuation effort somewhere. And even if I was remembering that wrong, it would probably still be better for everyone if I stuck with the crew rather than hanging back. Maudit. I bowed to Doya again.

"Sorry, Sensei Doya. In my eagerness to learn, I forgot I have other responsibilities that I have to fulfill first."

"Rawp reep?" No need for Chopper to translate those questioning squawks and the accompanying frown. Doya was asking what other responsibilities I had. I opened my mouth to answer, but Sanji beat me to it.

"Not likely to mean much to you," the cook began, "But some shitheads are messing up the human kingdom on this island pretty bad. We're headed across the desert to try and kick their shitty asses for Vivi dear, so she and her people don't get hurt." Dropping down from the _Going Merry_ , Sanji passed out packs for the desert journey. Mine had the straps arranged funny so it would hang lower on my back and not chafe at my burns.

Nodding, Doya raised a flipper, asking us to wait a few minutes before we left. He began to confer with the rest of the dugongs in a series of rapid squawks and barks. Shrugging, my crew mates and I prepared for our upcoming hike. Ace and Sabo descended to join us, albeit with some reluctance. Sabo in particular looked concerned.

"Aren't you going to leave someone to guard the _Going Merry_?"

Luffy paused, glancing from his brother to the ship. _Merry_ bobbed in the water, her mast swaying gently as foam splashed up on her figurehead. My captain smiled. "Nah, _Merry_ 'll be fine. She's not alone, anyways. The dugongs'll keep her company."

"How can you be sure?" Sabo wanted to know. The Revolutionary frowned in confusion. Luffy just smiled and shrugged at his brother's question.

"I dunno. I just do."

Sabo opened his mouth to protest that line- or lack- of reasoning, but a scowl from Zoro shut him down. "Not your ship, Blondie, and not your crew. If Luffy says something's alright, then it's fine- he's not smart about a lot of things, but he knows battle and he knows people. If he thinks it's safe to leave the ship here, it's prob'ly safe enough."

"But!"

For once in his life, Sanji backed Zoro up. "Shitty Moss-Head's right. The shitty captain may be an idiot, but some things he just _knows_. _Merry_ 'll be fine. She's a tough little ship, and the sea creatures'll keep her from getting lonely. I know you're not part of our crew, but really… While you're sailing with us, learn to trust your shitty brother, cause he's _our_ shitty captain."

This time when Sabo tried to respond, he barely even got his mouth open before Nami interrupted. "Like it or not, you need to suck it up and listen to your little brother, at least as much as the rest of us. As long as you're sailing on our ship, you're part of the crew."

Defeated- and probably drawing mental comparisons to Koala- Sabo slumped and nodded. Ace patted him on the shoulder. "It could be worse. You only have to listen to him 'til we've fixed up this mess in Alabasta; _I_ have to sail with them 'til Jones gives me the information I want about Blackbeard. That could be _months_ that I have to follow Lu's orders!"

That made Sabo snicker. "Shishishishishi! And _you_ were the one who always swore you'd never have your baby brother for a captain!"

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." Ace shoved his brother over. Sabo was too busy laughing to catch himself, falling on his ass in the sand.

Zoro shook his head at the brothers. "You know, at first you two seem so mature, but sometimes… Yeah, I can really see how you're Luffy's big brothers." The bosun hitched his pack higher on his shoulder and looked at the rest of us. "So, are we going or what?"

Nodding and bouncing, Luffy ran to the head of the group, then froze when he remembered Nami was the one with the map. That made him scamper back to the sailing master with stars in his eyes. "Yeah! Let's go, let's go!"

"Raup!" Doya interrupted with a loud bark. Before Chopper could translate what he meant, the dugong bounded over and climbed onto my shoulders. Ruatha squawked loudly at the usurping of his position, only for Doya to growl and snap at him. My dragonet whined and hid himself behind the hem of my desert robes. Doya snorted with contempt before barking at me some more while he dangled from my back. I was amazed that he managed to do so without pulling at my burns. "Reep, raupan rawp rawp."

Chopper sighed and picked up his pack. "He says that if you have prior commitments, he'll come with us and train you on the way. But he's a marine mammal and travelling in the desert's hard on him, so part of your training will be carrying him. He says to think of it as strength conditioning." The little reindeer shot me a resigned look as he sighed again. "Jones… Please, at least tell me if anything starts to hurt, even if you don't think it's a big deal. And if it starts to be to much, make Zoro carry Doya."

I reached out to give the doctor's fur an affectionate ruffle. "Don't worry so much Choppy. I'll be fine. Sensei Doya's barely any heavier than Ruatha, and he doesn't have any claws to stick me with." Then, remembering how hard this trek was going to be on the reindeer, I bent down and picked Chopper up in my arms. He and his pack were both fairly light- at least when he was in Brain Point- so it was no big deal. Squawks of protest emerged, but it appeared the reindeer was already used to his medical advice being largely ignored. Excellent; I was preparing him for what would happen when Zoro eventually got a major injury- although at the same time, I hoped such an event would never happen. Still, I doubted I'd be able to prevent it.

Luffy was bouncing again, impatient to be off. This time he grabbed his brothers' hands, swinging between them like some sort of oversized toddler between his parents. "Can we go _now?_ We need to kick Croc's ass!"

No one had any protests, so we started marching out across the desert. Doya's five students waved at us from the shore as we walked, before diving into the water. They surfaced around the _Going Merry_ , examining her hull with awe as one of their number began climbing the anchor chain. That made me smile. At least our ship was in good hands- er, flippers.

I trotted to the fore of the group, keeping pace with Nami as she navigated. Turning to walk backwards, I faced the men. There were some things they needed to know- and just because I had my fair share of ketchup moments didn't mean I was as bad as Vivi for forgetting threats until they appeared. "Okay everyone, quick desert primer. Don't eat the cacti, don't run off ahead if you think you see an oasis, be careful of giant lizards and stuff- although they'll taste good if we get them before they get us- and by Natrimpe's sweet waters, _don't let the birds have_ _ **any**_ _of our supplies!_ "

Yes, that was my idea of warning my crew mates of the dangers. No, I didn't think I needed to elaborate. And yes, judging by the look on Sabo's face, I could count on at least one of the men to be smart enough to heed my warnings. Nami I wasn't worried about. She had more common sense than the rest of the crew combined. _She_ would be fine.

X

It would've been a three day walk to Alubarna. Vivi wanted to get there as quickly as possible though, to warn her father and root out the moles in the Royal Army before… whatever Team Turtle was supposed to be doing happened. Usopp really didn't get how the princess was trying to plan ahead of something when she didn't even know what that something was, but if it made her feel better… However, the desire to get to Alubarna as quickly as possible left the gunner in an awkward position, his knees trembling as he stared at the obstacle before him.

Namely, the rebels had offered the princess and the pirates use of six of their fastest horses. It would be faster than walking, although not as fast as if everyone had supersonic ducks like Carue. Man, could that poultry move _fast_. Everyone else was already on horseback, with Lisa riding in front of Ghin while everyone else had their own mounts. They were just waiting for _him_. Mairead stared down at him from her massive bay stallion.

"Are you coming or what?"

Usopp gulped as he faced his mount, a tawny-gold mare with white mane and tail. She whickered at him, her ears flicking as her tail brushed away flies. Not a threatening picture, as far as horses went, but still… "I, um… Can't you guys go on without me? I can catch up on foot."

That earned him several long, hard stares. It was Yosaku who finally spoke up. "Big Bro… Are you afraid of horses?"

"Or maybe, like, lots of animals?" Johnny added tentatively. When his partner shot him an odd look, the blue hunter shrugged. "What? It makes sense with his weird thing about how Big Sis Jones is with animals."

"I'm not afraid of _all_ animals!" Usopp squawked defensively. He was tempted to chuck something at the hunters, but he didn't really have anything good to throw. "I'm not scared of Chopper! Or Ruatha!"

No one said a word, but everyone was staring at him. Usopp sighed and hung his head. He should've come up with something else to say, some story, but he'd been so surprised… "I- Um- Look, there weren't a lot of animals where I come from. Just cats, dogs, chickens, and sheep, really. So yeah, I'm a little weirded out by all these new guys- _not_ scared!" The gunner snapped his head up to scowl at the hunters.

The flat looks everyone sent his way told him no one believed him. Gritting his teeth, Usopp grabbed the saddle horn and hauled himself up onto his mare's back. She was a calm, steady horse, hardly batting an eye at his clumsy movements- but even so, the gunner nearly fell off twice before he got in position, and felt incredibly unstable once he was. It was worse than sitting on the yardarm in a windstorm. At least when he did that, he knew the yard wouldn't bite or kick him if he fell off. Gingerly picking up the reins, Usopp nudged the mare's flanks with his heels.

"Um… Mush?"

"That's for dogs, idiot." Jack shot Usopp a haughty look before circling his white mare around the gunner's golden one. "Watch and learn." The wannabe prince clicked his tongue a couple of times as he turned his horse in the direction they were meant to be going. Hooves flinging up sand, the white mare obligingly began to trot off into the desert. Carue and the other horses soon followed her.

"Okay then…" Usopp patted his horse tentatively on the side of the neck. "Good girl… Nice girl… Let's follow the others, okay?" He tried to imitate the clucking noise Jack had made. His mare flicked one ear in his direction and huffed, but moved off after the rest of the party.

Movement which Usopp immediately regretted. He bounced uncomfortably on the horse's back as she trotted along, like he was a sack of potatoes someone had thrown into the saddle. And the most embarrassing part was that no one else seemed to be having the same problem- not even Ghin, who couldn't have had any more experience with horses than Usopp himself. The gunner pouted. It just wasn't fair.

Oh well, it could be worse. He could be on Team Turtle. Going directly into the heart of Crocodile's territory with Luffy _and_ Jones? That was just _asking_ for trouble. Usopp shuddered even thinking about it, his sudden motion making him fall off his horse. He landed on his ass in the sand with a dull thud.

"Ow!" Okay, it didn't really hurt much, other than his pride. But that _really_ hurt- the mare hadn't even stopped walking! She didn't know he'd fallen off! The gunner scrambled to his feet and took off after his mount. "Oi! Wait up! You forgot something!"

It took him about two minutes to catch up and get the mare to stop. She stared at him with dull eyes as he scrambled back into the saddle, this time making sure to get his feet firmly in the stirrups. Although… He still didn't know what to do with the reins. Clucking awkwardly, the gunner once again nudged his horse to follow the rest of the party. She blinked slowly before shaking her head and resuming her trot across the desert.

X

Walking across the desert while carrying a reindeer and a dugong- plus what amounted to two packs, however small they may have been- was no picnic. I was tired, hot, and irritable by the end of the first day, which didn't make me a particularly eager student once Team Turtle started setting up camp. Well- I say setting up camp, but really we just unrolled our bedrolls on a rocky ledge in the shadow of a cliff. Chopper immediately lay down, eyes drooping. Even if he hadn't been walking, the heat took the highest toll on him of anyone. I didn't envy his thick fur here.

Sanji immediately began setting up to cook. Before he could gather any kindling though, Zoro stopped him with a sly look. "Just have Ace do it- he's the one with fire powers."

"Wha-? Oh yeah. Guess even a stopped clock is right twice a day, eh Mossball?" Sanji grabbed Ace by the arm and shoved the freckled pirate into the ring of stones he'd been making. Luffy's eldest brother squawked and flailed, but allowed himself to be manhandled.

"Oi! What're you doing?!"

"Just sit still and light up. Easier than looking for kindling in this shitty desert."

Doya jumped up and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him rather than my crew mates. "Raup. Reep reep." Without waiting for Chopper to translate, the dugong sensei took my hand and pulled me around the cliffs, out of sight of the others. I bit back a groan. I was _not_ in the mood for training right now.

But it needed to be done. Once Doya had chosen the place, I waited patiently and watched. Without Chopper with us to translate, I could only rely on my eyes. Which… Immediately showed me Doya performing an unfamiliar kata. With some stances that were physically impossible for anyone who didn't have a tail. Huh. Well, I'd just have to use whatever felt right then. As I watched, I noticed the five styles of the students I'd fought, blended seamlessly together into one. I started to perk up with interest. And it certainly helped that the air was cooling off as the sun went down.

Once I'd seen the kata once, I had some idea how things worked. When Doya started performing it a second time, more slowly, I stepped in beside him. It was… hard. Figuring out stances that worked was a new experience, and angles were never my strong point, even when I _could_ see the correct footwork. Not to mention the way my burns were pulling during some of the more acrobatic portions, shooting stinging lances down my spine; the painkillers were starting to wear off. I pushed that to the back of my mind as best I could, trying to force myself to relax and focus on the movements, with mixed results. While I can focus through just about anything, relaxing… Yeah, that's never been my strong suit.

Doya took me through the dugong kata several times. Then, eventually, he stood off to one side and motioned for me to show him how much I remembered. He grunted at the stances I was using to replace his tail stances, but I couldn't tell if it was a grunt of approval or not. Then, about a fifth of the way through the kata, he suddenly stopped me with a shake of his head. It was during the flying tackle sequence. I froze, not sure what I was doing wrong. Doya opened his mouth, then closed it with a frown. He thought hard for a moment, trying to figure out how to get his point across without Chopper to translate. Then…

"RAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUPAAAAAAAAAN!" My diminutive teacher performed one of the flying tackles with a mighty roar, launching himself into my knees. Realization hit me as hard as he did; there was supposed to be a kiai there! I started from the beginning, performing the kata again. And when I got to the flying tackle sequence…

"TAI!"

Doya's muzzle twitched; this time he stopped me by jumping up and swatting me before shaking his head in disapproval. I froze again, not understanding. Facepalming- or, well, face-flippering- Doya grabbed one of my sais. Bouncing to the edge of the rocks, he began using the weapon to draw in the sand. Double helix, foot, two hockey sticks, and… a rectangle with horns sticking out of the left side? The images were vaguely familiar, but… "Sorry, I can't read hieroglyphics."

Growling, Doya rubbed his temples. Then, in quick succession, he mimed kicking something with his tail and swatting something out of the air. I shook my head, still not understanding. Doya began drawing something in the sand again, grumbling in his dugong language. This time, though, it wasn't hieroglyphs. It was… a chessboard? Followed by a soccer ball, a bicycle, and stick people performing various tasks like running, jumping, and swimming. The last image was five interconnected rings. Wha-? Oh. I was starting to see a pattern here. Sports, but not entirely… "That technique is called Game?"

"RAUPA!" Doya nodded vigorously. Then he roared at me again. "RAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUPAAAAAAN!"

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaame?" I wasn't sure why it seemed so important to draw the word out, but Doya was nodding again, so I didn't question it. Instead, I started going through the kata again, letting out the most ridiculous kiai of my life when I got to the tackle sequence. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAME!"

"Raupa!" Doya motioned for me to continue, although that didn't last long. A few more techniques passed and he stopped me again. I paused and stared at him. Sighing, my dugong sensei began the whole thing again, drawing in the sand and miming activities that I didn't quite understand.

What I eventually got out of it, after going through the kata and repeating the whole pantomime several times, was that there were five named techniques commonly used in Dugong Fu. Once I knew them, Doya sat back against a rock with a contented look, motioning for me to continue going through the kata. So I did, over and over, until Sanji's voice rang out over the desert.

"Hey Jones! Dinner's ready! You and the turtle seal better get over here before the shitty captain and his shitty brothers eat it all!"

Picking up Doya, I raced around the rocks to rejoin my crew mates- only to stop dead in my tracks, flinching against my will. Why? I wasn't entirely sure myself. Something about the sight of Ace sitting in the fire pit, glowing orange with flames leaping off his head and shoulders, made chills run through my body. My throat went dry; I twitched, accidentally dropping Doya. Everyone turned to stare at me when they heard the thumping noise that accompanied his descent.

"Jones?" Nami waved a hand in front of my face, frowning. "Jones, what's wrong?"

"Are you hurt?!" Chopper demanded, leaping to his feet. He was much more energetic now that the sun had gone down. "Dammit, I shouldn't have let you train! Why can't I say no when you look so excited?!"

The reindeer was halfway to me before I could shake my head, probably planning on pinning me down and wrapping me up like a mummy. He froze at my denial. "N-no Choppy. I'm not hurt. Sorry; I don't know what came over me."

Shaking my head again to clear it, I moved in to grab some food while there was still dinner to be had. Except… It wasn't vanishing as quickly as usual. Rather than initiating an all-out war for food, Luffy was watching me with sharp eyes. He seemed _especially_ interested when I chose to position myself on a rock at the edge of the ring of firelight, further away than I'd sat at meals even when the crew first pulled me out of the water. Then he glanced at Ace, and his face lit up with realization.

"Oh! _Oh_. I know what's wrong!" Setting his plate on a rock beside Zoro- who nodded to indicate that he would guard it from creeping hands- Luffy got up and approached me. My captain took my hand before I could start eating, pulling just hard enough that I was forced to get up and go with him. There was a soft look on his face. Everyone else looked at us in confusion.

"Jones is afraid of fire cause Ace burned her," Luffy explained. "She just won't admit it cause she's afraid of needing help too. Which is silly, but we'll work on that later. But Jones… You don't need to be scared. Look."

Without warning, my captain took the hand he was holding and plunged both our fingers into the flames rising off of Ace. I yelped in surprise and tried to pull back, but Luffy was too strong. Ace yelped too, his eyes going wide- but then he stopped halfway, apparently realizing what Luffy was doing. Which, whatever it was, I still didn't. Panic kicked in; I started pulling harder against my captain's grip on my hand. Of course, that only served to hurt my arm as Luffy stubbornly held me in place.

It took several long seconds for me to realize something important. _Ace's flames weren't burning us_. That realization made me freeze in shock, staring at my hand to make sure I wasn't imagining things. No pain… The fire was barely even warm. All I really felt was rough rubber against my skin where Luffy's fingers were intertwined with mine. My panic calmed, heartrate going down as I realized nothing was happening. Luffy grinned.

"Shishishishi! See Jones? There's no reason to be afraid of Ace. He won't burn you again, not ever." My captain looked at his brothers, at Ace sitting quietly in the firepit and Sabo sitting off to one side. The Revolutionary was frozen halfway through a bite of his dinner, his fork dangling from his mouth as he watched the proceedings. "My crew are my family, which means they're Ace and Sabo's family too. And Ace would never burn his family, right?"

The freckled pirate nodded mutely, a solemn look on his face. His fire slowly died down; once the flames had vanished, Luffy released my hand and allowed me to pull it back. I examined it closely. There was no sign that I'd been anywhere _near_ a fire- my skin wasn't even red!

"Amazing," I breathed. Never in canon had anything like that been shown, or at least, not that I could remember. Although I think there were a couple fanfics that theorized about logias having that level of control.

Sabo was the first of the brothers to recover, swallowing his food with a grin. "So, we've got a bunch of new little brothers and sisters, ne? And… Whatever Ghin is. This should be interesting."

"Um, actually…"

Luffy interrupted me before I could get any further, staring at Sabo as if the Revolutionary had just said the dumbest thing in living memory. "Uh, Sabo… Jones is twenty-four."

"WHAT?!" The Revolutionary toppled backwards off his rock. Only quick reflexes on Sanji's part kept Sabo's food from being scattered all over the campsite. The cook huffed and scowled at the near-waste.

And Ace wasn't much better than his brother. The freckled pirate's jaw dropped, his eyes bulging out. "Wha-? Wow. I mean, I knew from your story that you had to be at least my age, but shit… You look younger than _Lu_. I thought you'd just _turned_ twenty or some shit."

"Nope." I smiled sheepishly as Luffy's older brothers recovered from their shock. "Sorry…"

"Shishishishi!" My captain found his brothers' reactions hilarious- probably why he'd jumped in and told them before I could. "Yep! So you've got a bunch of new little brothers and sisters, some older brothers- Johnny and Yosaku are about Jones' age, and Ghin's… Ghin- and one big sister!"

Getting to his feet, Ace smirked down at me. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call her _big_."

I frowned up at the big brother I'd always wished I had- who was now, via Luffy logic, my _little_ brother. Man, these timelines were confusing. Rolling my eyes, I snorted at Ace. "Short jokes? Really? I'm not _that_ little."

"Oh really?" Ace's response was to lean in and start using my head as an armrest. Too close, too close! "Cause you're even shorter than Lu, _Sis_. Not by much, but…" Ace's teasing grin made me want to punch him, so I did. My fist passed harmlessly through fire; when Ace's face reformed, the grin was still in place.

Clearing his throat, Sanji stepped in. The cook swung a foot through Ace's arm, allowing me to escape as the freckled pirate reformed. "That's enough. Everyone sit down and eat before it gets cold."

Ace turned his teasing grin on Sanji. "Aw, what's the matter _Li'l Bro?_ You know I can always heat things up again, right?"

" _Don't call me that._ "

Sanji _glared_ at Ace, like he was trying to bore a hole in the freckled pirate's head using his mind. Ace immediately dropped his teasing grin, holding up his hands. "Okay. Sorry; didn't know it'd strike a nerve."

"Of course not," Sanji huffed and went back to his dinner. "How could you? I never tell _anyone_. It's a shitty story, not one I like to think about."

No one pushed. The cook sounded _angry_. I winced in sympathy- I had a pretty good idea which memories Ace had brought up. Nami sat down beside him and ate her dinner in silence; for once, Sanji didn't go all sing-song and noodle-like at her presence. Everyone else started eating quietly- all except Sabo, who pointed his fork accusingly at Ace.

"Hold on a second! Did you say you knew Jones' story?"

"Yep." The freckled pirate smirked at his blond brother. "She told me last night."

"Including…?"

"How she knows everything? Yep. Afraid I can't tell you though."

Sabo bit his fork and whined. " _Why?_ I'm the one she reports to- _I_ should be the one to know!"

"Sorry Sabo." Ace's smirk broadened. He finished his food and lay back on his bedroll, tilting his hat forwards over his face. "Apparently I'm her favourite."

"WHAT?! That's not _fair!_ " The Revolutionary pouted at me, eyes wide. Heheheh… Sorry Sabo- you're not the master of the puppy dog face your little brother is. I turned my attention back to my dinner with a snort of laughter as Sabo let out a wordless whine.

Tired as I was, I fell into my bedroll not long after Ace. And yes, I mean I literally fell, collapsing onto my stomach with a groan as the painkillers finally wore off and my body became one massive ache. Although… At least the training ache from fighting dugongs and working unfamiliar kata muted the stinging from the burns. I probably should've told Chopper that things were starting to hurt, but I was just too tired. All I wanted to do was sleep. So, despite the pain and my uncomfortable position, that's exactly what I did- hugged the nearest rock, tried to pretend it was a pillow, and drifted off to a confusing technicolour dreamland.

X

Vivi frowned as Team Mushroom- and no, she still couldn't get over _Nami_ of all people choosing such a ridiculous name- approached Alubarna. Mostly because there were guards on the walls. There were _never_ guards on the walls of the city proper; they were only supposed to be posted at the castle itself! But… Her father was still prepared for war, and the presence of Baroque Works agents in the Royal Army probably didn't help. Well, they would just have to get that cleared up as quickly as possible.

The princess leaned lower over her duck's neck, drawing strength from Carue's warm feathers. Behind her, six sets of hooves thundered against sand. Right. She wasn't alone. That made this much easier.

A voice called out from above as the duck and horses changed from trotting across the desert to bounding up stone steps. Two guards had come down from the wall proper, standing at the top of the stairs with their khopeshes drawn and crossed. Although Vivi wasn't sure how well _two men_ would've been able to stand up had Team Mushroom made any attempt at a cavalry charge. "Halt, in the name of the king! Who goes there?"

"My name is Nefertari Vivi, daughter of Nefertari Cobra, Son of the Sun and your reigning king!" Vivi didn't slow Carue at all as he ran up the stairs. The guards would move; they had to. "My friends and I have urgent news for my father- we _must_ be allowed to pass!"

"Your highness!" The guards jumped out of the way as if someone had burnt their feet. They even saluted as Team Mushroom trotted by. Well, at least she knew those two weren't traitors. Vivi memorized their faces in case she needed to vouch for them later on.

Jack whistled as the group rode into the city. "That's it, Baby! That there's why I always wanted to be a prince! When royalty needs something done, it gets _done!_ "

"There's more to it than that!" Vivi snapped over her shoulder, sending a vicious glare at her former partner. So much more… Many things that she still needed practice at, or hadn't learned at all… But she was doing her best. That had to count for something, right? Jack fell silent at her words, looking properly contrite.

It was a straight shot to the palace now- Alubarna's gate roads were like the spokes of a wheel. Had they not already been riding all through the morning and for most of the previous day, Vivi might've spurred Carue to a sprint to get home all the faster. That said, he and the horses were too tired for that. They would get there soon enough.

People stopped in the streets to stare as Team Mushroom rode past- that is, those who didn't scramble to get out of the way. Vivi saw housewives peeking out of their windows with interest. She smiled. It looked like she and her pirate friends were going to be the subject of the next week's gossip. Probably the next _month's_ , if they succeeded in taking down Crocodile.

…

No. Not if. _When_. They had to succeed. Vivi couldn't let herself consider any other option.

A soft puffing noise was her only warning- but it was one Vivi had been trained to listen for since she was a small child. The huff of a reed blowgun. The princess flung herself off Carue's back just fast enough for the dart to stick in her robes rather than her leg. Rolling to her feet, she stared around desperately, drawing her Peacock Slashers out and setting one of them spinning. The rest of Team Mushroom clattered to a halt around her, confusion on their faces.

"What?" Mairead asked. "Why're we stopping? I thought we needed to get to your father _fast_."

"Assassin." Vivi pulled the dart from her clothes and showed it to her companions. While the pirates didn't show much reaction, Jack, Mairead, and Lisa drew in sharp breaths. The little painter's eyes narrowed.

"Ten and Tuesday," Lisa said flatly.

Her words were followed by slow applause. A tall, lanky man with spiny copper hair flipped off a nearby balcony, landing near Team Mushroom with a puff of dust. A cropped blue jacket- worn open- revealed an acrobat's musculature, with star-spangled jeans barely holding onto thin hips by virtue of a battered leather belt. He spun a reed pipe in one hand, eventually pulling a dart from under the ratty headband he wore. "Well, well, well, I guess Mr Three wasn't the _only_ brain in that pair, now was he?"

"Now, now, play nice." Down from a rooftop dropped a woman dressed mostly in black. Between a huge yellow scarf and her pointed, oversized hood- topped with three plumes- little could be seen of her face. Pale green hair cascaded around the hilt of a falchion strapped across her back. "A little girl like that wouldn't have made officer rank if she were _dumb_ , after all."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Mr Ten slipped a dart into his pipe. "Look, Wednesday, Monday, Nine, Goldenweek… It's nothing personal, but we've gotta kill you now. Can't let you go spilling the beans to your daddy about who the boss is."

He fired the dart with a puff of breath. Vivi jumped out of the way, her robes whirling around her… But the dart never even connected with where she had been. There was a sharp _tic_ as something knocked it out of the air; when Vivi looked back, she saw Usopp holding his slingshot by his head. A pachinko ball shone beside the fallen dart on the street. The gunner was vibrating with nerves… but also looked like he was about to burst out laughing.

Usopp glanced around the group. "Eheheheh… Um, since Jones isn't here, does anyone mind if I take over her role for a bit? I just- just had a thought."

Thoroughly confused, Vivi shook her head. The gunner apparently took that as permission. Stilling his shaking limbs and dropping his weapon to his side, Usopp covered his eyes with one hand as he burst out laughing. "Mwahahahahah! Oh my God, you guys are so _stupid!_ "

"What?" Mr Ten and Miss Tuesday both paused to stare at the laughing pirate. And his own allies weren't much better. Since when did Usopp have the courage to laugh at an enemy like that? Vivi couldn't remember him ever doing it before.

"I mean, you're Baroque Works and you're frontier agents, so I guess you're used to thinking of yourselves as pretty hot stuff, but really? Who sends _two people_ to assassinate _four people who rank higher than them_ , plus however many friends those four people've made?" Usopp was in stitches now, barely able to breath.

"Who says we're the only two here?" Miss Tuesday snapped defensively. The Straw Hat gunner paused in his laughter to look her straight in the eye.

"Please. Don't try that on me. I'm the _master_ of that bluff." Face morphing into a broad grin, Usopp began to wave at something behind the Baroque Works agents. Which… Vivi frowned. There was nothing there. That didn't seem to dissuade him though.

"Hey! Luffy! Zoro! Sanji! You got here faster than I thought! Crocodile wasn't that tough after all, huh?"

Mr Ten and Miss Tuesday yelped and spun around, staring in confusion at the empty street. Whirling back, the pair glared bloody daggers of murder at Usopp's snickering form. Tuesday roared and drew her falchion, leaping towards the gunner. "You'll pay for that, you little-!"

The swordswoman froze, her face going ashen. And her partner wasn't much better off. Mr Ten spoke in a small, quiet voice as he realized something important. "I- You- Mr Zero is _Crocodile?_ "

"Yep." Usopp grinned maliciously. For a moment, the hostile agents were stunned. Then their eyes started to glow red.

"No witnesses," Miss Tuesday muttered in a hoarse, deranged voice. "If we don't leave any witnesses, he won't know we know. Then he'll have no reason to kill us!" She resumed swinging her falchion at Usopp. The gunner squeaked, tumbling off his horse as the blade whizzed over his head.

"Don't worry Big Bro!" Yosaku shouted, fiddling with something on his tank-like pack. "We've got your back! Acid Rain!"

"HIIEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

A jet of pale, yellowish fluid burst from the nozzle of Yosaku's… It was a weapon. It looked silly and Vivi had no idea what to call the device really, but it was definitely meant for military application. Case in point- Tuesday's screams. Whatever liquid Yosaku had hit her with was causing her hands to steam and blister, terrible burns forming in a matter of seconds, forcing the agent to drop her falchion. Her clothes charred wherever they'd been splashed, spontaneous holes forming as the liquid ate through the cotton. Johnny winced at the destruction.

"I think you might've got the concentration too high Bro."

"Yeah, probably…" Yosaku shook his head. "How 'bout yours? How's it work?"

"Dunno. Let's find out." Johnny turned to fire _his_ tank pack at Mr Ten, preventing the agent from getting another blow dart off. "Base Drops!"

The blue hunter's jet had much less splatter, and was whitish rather than yellow. But the effects were similar. Mr Ten was forced to drop his weapon as harsh, red, _steaming_ burns rose on his arms and chest. "GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Huh. Looks like I've got the concentration a bit high too. Glad we didn't test that out on the _Merry_ , huh Bro?" Johnny stared at the nozzle of his weapon, shaking his head.

"Yep." Yosaku glanced down at the injured agents with a wince. "You two might wanna get to a fountain or something soon, yeah? That stuff only burns more the longer it touches you."

"You…" Miss Tuesday growled. She snapped her head up sharply to glare at the hunters, revealing mismatched eyes- one brown, one yellow- as her hood flew back. "I'M **goING** to _KIll_ _**YoU**_!"

"AI! ACID RAIN!"

"EEP! BASE DROPS!" Johnny and Yosaku fired in unison this time, blasting Tuesday's legs and chest as she jumped at them. This time the agent went down properly, writhing and screeching as her clothes dissolved and her skin _burned_. The hunters stared wide-eyed at their work.

"Okay," Johnny said, his voice small, "I _don't_ think we should dilute 'em anymore Bro. Might not be useful in a fight. But that looks _nasty_. Why'd we think these were a good idea again?"

"Cause not everyone we're gonna face is human anymore, and we wanted something that might work against all kinds of crazy Devil Fruits." Yosaku's face was white as chalk. "Maybe… We should probably try and save 'em for those kind of opponents, yeah?"

"Agreed."

Tears in his eyes, Mr Ten stared up at the hunters. He kept trying to make words, but nothing was coming out. Yosaku shot the agent a soft look. "You and your partner should _really_ get to some water Bro. Wash _everything_ for at least ten minutes- longer, if you can."

Ten nodded mutely. Grabbing hold of Tuesday- and wincing as he did so- the lanky agent dragged his partner off towards the nearest fountain. Vivi hoped the… whatever-it-was that they had to wash off didn't contaminate the water. Her people _drank_ that. But at the same time, risky or no, she couldn't begrudge the two burnt agents. Those marks looked almost as painful as what Ace had done to Jones the other day.

"Where did you even get the _idea_ for weapons like that?" the princess asked the hunters as Team Mushroom got moving again. They looked at each other and flinched.

"Well, you know how Big Sis has…" Johnny trailed off and motioned at his face. "We- we were there when it happened, and we figured a weapon that did something similar would be a great way to make bad guys think twice."

"But we didn't expect them to be quite this strong," Yosaku added. "We hadn't had a good way of _testing_ anything on the ship. What if we'd damaged something important?"

Nodding, Vivi let the subject drop. She and Usopp mounted up again, then Team Mushroom resumed heading for the palace. It didn't take them long to get there, and when they did, they were challenged just as they had been at the city gate.

"Halt, in the name of the king! Who goes there?!" This time the guards were at least a bit smarter, with half a dozen foot soldiers on the ground with khopeshes, and a number of archers ready on the walls.

"My name is Nefertari Vivi, daughter of Nefertari Cobra, Son of the Sun and your reigning king! My friends and I have urgent news for my father- we _must_ be allowed to pass!" _Please Sekhmet, don't let any of these guards be moles or traitors. Especially not the archers._ Vivi's prayer appeared to be answered; not a single arrow flew, and the foot soldiers drew back and salutes as the princess and the pirates rode into the courtyard. Stable boys came running to tend to Carue and the horses.

Vivi stormed up into the castle proper without waiting for her companions, her robes billowing around her. Not that she needed to worry; everyone, eve Lisa, was immediately behind her. Or, well, around her. Ghin moved to the head of the company as they approached the great doors to the throne room. And looking back on it, Vivi had to admit that there was no way she could've thrown them open as dramatically as the Straw Hat rigger.

 _ **THWAM!**_

Nefertari Cobra paused in the middle of a meeting with his ministers, rising from his throne with a stormy look on his face. "Who are you? What is the meaning of thi-?"

"Father!" Vivi ran forwards to hug her father. Oh… She'd missed him so much these last few years. Cobra's eyes softened as he wrapped his arms around his daughter.

"Vi- Vivi? You're back! Isis be praised, you're safe. I was so worried."

As much as she wanted to just stay there in her father's arms _forever_ , she couldn't. Vivi pushed back out of the embrace, although she still held Cobra's hands tightly in her own. "Father… My friends and I need to speak with you. _Alone_. Or, well, Chaka and Pell can be here, but no one else."

Something in her voice must've convinced him. Cobra nodded, dismissing his ministers with a wave of his hand. There was some grumbling from the crotchety old men, but… Vivi's father was still the _king_. He didn't like to exercise absolute authority often, but on the rare occasions he did, it was his _right_. A few moments later, Chaka and Pell entered the room; one of the ministers must've sent for them. That, or they were eavesdropping again. Vivi wouldn't have put it past them, and she _knew_ Pell knew the special listening hollow in the ceiling.

Looking around to make sure there was no one hiding behind the tapestries, Cobra removed his hands from his daughter's grip and placed them on her shoulders. "Alright, it's just us now Dear. What's wrong? You look terrified."

Vivi felt tears stinging her eyes as the stress of everything caught up with her. She wiped at them with one hand. "Father, you're making a huge mistake. The rebels- you can't fight them. I've managed to speak with Kohza, to talk him down… This whole war was orchestrated by Crocodile. He has an organization called Baroque Works that's been doing terrible things- one of the officers impersonated you, spreading horrible rumours. But I've fixed things with Kohza, made him see, so the rebels won't fight. When they come, it'll be to surrender."

"That's wonderful news Dear." Her father rubbed her back soothingly, a small frown playing on his face. "Although- Crocodile. I can't believe he'd do something like that. Are you sure?"

Before Vivi could answer, Jack and Mairead stepped up. The muscular woman bowed with more grace than the princess had ever expected of her- although it took the pressure of a massive hand on the back of his head to get Jack to do the same. "We can confirm her story, your majesty. We used to be members of Baroque Works, as did Lisa." Mairead waved a hand at the tiny painter, who nodded from her place at Ghin's side.

Cobra's face went hard. "I see… In that case, rather than fighting Kohza's men, I should take the Royal Army out and arrest Crocodile immediately."

"No!" Vivi shook her head. "No Father, you can't do that either. Members of Baroque Works have infiltrated the army; if you do something like that, I don't know what they'll do- cause chaos among the ranks, maybe even attack you directly. We- we need to root them out before we can do _anything_."

Once again, Jack, Mairead, and Lisa nodded in confirmation of Vivi's words. Cobra looked at them all and sighed. "Alright. Chaka, Pell, begin investigations immediately."

"Of course, your majesty." Pell bowed. "But… Investigating the entire army will take _weeks_ \- what if something should happen in that time?"

"We'll call up the rese- wait, no, they were probably infiltrated too." Cobra sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'm afraid I don't know, old friend."

Usopp hummed. "Couldn't- couldn't we do something with Lisa's paints again? I mean, there's nowhere to set up a bucket trap, but… Actually, never mind. It was a stupid idea." The gunner rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Ghin frowned. "No. No, it wasn't. Lisa, what _are_ the limits of your paints? Do they have to be on a _person_ , or will paining the symbol on the ground and having someone stand on it have the same effect?"

The little painter nodded. "It should still work if they just stand on it, yeah. That wouldn't have worked in the desert though; sand moves too much. But I'm all out of paint right now…"

Cobra frowned in confusion. "I don't know what you could possibly need paint for, but we can supply you from the palace maintenance stores. Any colour you need."

"Even turquoise?"

"Of course."

Lisa's face lit up. "And do you have a large, open area with solid ground? Somewhere you could fit a lot of men at once?"

Chaka shot the little girl a puzzled look. "Of course. The training yard- it wouldn't fit the whole army at once, but a couple of units at a time can drill there."

Vivi felt a grin creeping across her face. A small part of her was horrified that she suddenly seemed to be emulating either Jones' mad expression, or Luffy's reckless glee- and even more horrified to realize she couldn't tell which. But she ignored that for now. "Father, give Lisa an hour or two to work. Then we'll need to get every unit in the army through the training yard, one at a time. Trust me, it's much faster than doing a traditional investigation."

"Are you sure?" The doubt in her father's voice hurt Vivi a little. He was still used to seeing her as his baby girl… But she was more than that now. She had to be. The princess nodded.

"Of course. We've done this before. It's a little weird, but it works."

X

"Nine million, sixteen thousand, five hundred and twelve bottles of beer on the ball; nine million, sixteen thousand, five hundred and twelve bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around- nine million, sixteen thousand, five hundred and eleven bottles of beer on the wall!"

"Someone make her _shut up_." Zoro groaned as I sang. Well, if you can call it singing. I'm pretty sure most of my companions would've escribed it more as raspy caterwauling. Ruatha, Doya, and Chopper had covered their ears long ago.

Nami obligingly swatted me over the head with her _Clima-Tact_. Sparks crackled around me; my hair started smoking. I flinched, my muscles going stiff-although at least I didn't fall over this time. Smiling sheepishly at my crew mates, I tilted my head down so my hat hid my eyes.

"Sorry."

To be fair though, I was _bored_. bored! We'd been walking across the desert for _two days_ , with _nothing_ happening. Without Vivi, there hadn't been any real reaction to Erumalu- it was just a set of sandy ruins that we had to walk through. No one questioned them. And Sabo kept Luffy under control, so there was no running off after mirages, or offering our supplies to birds, or drinking hallucinogenic cactus water. Yes, we got attacked by a Sandora dragon at one point, but Zoro and Sanji took the great purple lizard out before Ace could even offer to roast it.

And no, despite being called dragons, there was no relation to Ruatha. I checked.

But back to the point- I was overheated and bored out of my skull. In this case, at least, Luffy was right. Knowing so much and warning everyone made things _dull_. I would've welcomed some of the filler from the anime at this point- sand pirates, bandits, bounty hunters, anything- just for something to _do_. But no, for once my writer had decided to stick to manga canon. Except, since I'd warned everyone about the dangers, all the exciting bits of canon weren't happening.

I groaned. Bleh… A quick poke to Chopper and Ruatha's heads let them know I was no longer singing; I didn't poke Doya- both out of respect and because I couldn't reach- but he still got the message. Then… "I spy with my little eye, something that is green."

"Too easy," Nami snorted. I started, surprised that the sailing master would join in the game. Maybe she was bored too. "Zoro. I spy with my little eye, something that is blue."

"Still easy," Ace chuckled. "Sabo's coat."

"Wrong!" Nami almost sang her answer. "Sanji's eyes."

"Aw!" The cook started dancing like a noodle despite the heat. "Your eyes are lovely too Nami dear!"

"That's not what I said." The sailing master rolled her eyes affectionately. Her words did nothing to stop Sanji's gushing.

"My turn, my turn!" Luffy interrupted, although since no one got hers, Nami really should've gone again. Still, everyone indulged the captain with a smile as he bounced between his brothers. "I spy with my little eye, something that's white and gold!"

"You're supposed to pick _one_ colour Lu," Ace said with a roll of his eyes. Sabo chuckled.

"Aw, just let him be. Is it the sand?"

"Nope, nope, nope!" Luffy beamed and waited for other people to guess.

"Is it Jones' hair?"

"Ruatha?"

"Is it the sky? The sun and clouds?"

"The sand?"

" _Sabo's_ hair?"

"All wrong!" Still bouncing, Luffy waved at something on the horizon. "It's that- I dunno what that is. Um…"

 _Merde_. What my esteemed captain was pointing at- it was a sandstorm. And yes, I _did_ remember there being one somewhere during this arc, but… Well, like several things I'd seen along my journey, it wasn't something I could've prepared for no matter what I'd seen on page and screen. Even as far away as we were, the swirling sand towered high, dwarfing any cliffs that could've risen up from the sand. There was a tremendous roar emanating from the storm, and a musty scent on the wind. As far as gigantic sandstorms go, it looked unusually well-contained, with crisp, sharp edges. Well, that was to be expected, probably, if Crocodile was… If Crocodile was controlling it. _Right_ … We were fighting a sand logia in a desert.

Through the haze of sand at the base of the storm, I caught occasional glimpses of worn, whitish buildings. At the same moment, Nami looked at her map and hissed. "Guys, we can't go around it- that storm's right on top of Yuba. We'll just have to wait it out."

Luffy pouted. "Aww… But Nami, can't your new stick control the weather?"

"Not that much!" Nami whacked the captain with her _Clima-Tact_. Unlike when she hit me, there was no sparking or frying. "That's a full-on sandstorm! To nullify that, I'd have to play with temperature, humidity, air pressure, and static electricity over a span of _kilometers!_ "

"Oh…" Luffy blinked in confusion. "So… You're saying you _can't_ get rid of the sandstorm?"

"OF COURSE NOT! IT'S TOO BIG!"

"Okay, okay, don't yell at me." The captain rubbed his ears. His brothers chuckled.

As it was, though, we didn't need to worry about the sandstorm. It died down slowly as we approached and the sun rode low on the horizon. By the time we got close to Yuba, there was practically no wind at all, though everything still smelled musty and was covered in a fine layer of dust. And with the lack of wind, the little oasis town was eerily silent. Each footstep crunched loudly against dusty stone. I winced unintentionally; even though we weren't trying to sneak up on anyone, making so much noise in such a quiet place felt wrong. Like we were disturbing something.

Zoro stared around, one hand resting on his swords. He looked like he expected to be attacked at any minute. "So, Jones, you said there's something we need here? Where is it?"

"Main square." I put Chopper down; it was getting cool enough for him to walk on his own now. The reindeer popped into Walk Point and trotted along beside me. Ruatha immediately scrambled up into my arms, whining. Well, I _had_ been making him walk all the time. He was probably tired.

As we got closer to the center of down, a soft, rhythmic noise filled the air. Shink, thump, shink, thump, shink, thump. A sound I knew well- someone shoveling gravel and coarse sand. No words accompanied it, no grumbling or whispering. If I hadn't known what was going on, I might've thought the town was haunted. There were no other signs of life. My crew mates, and even Luffy's brothers, acted steadily more paranoid as we walked, while I was totally calm. It was an interesting inversion of social situations.

Soon enough, we emerged into the main square- Yuba wasn't exactly a large town. When we got there, Toto had his back to us. He stood knee-deep in a hole, with a small pile of sand and gravel beside him. The old man wasn't panting as he dug, was barely moving; he'd probably done this so many times that it had become routine by now. Zoro stopped walking at the sight, turning to scowl at me.

"We came all this way to find a lonely old man with a shovel?"

"Not exactly."

"Ah!" Toto jumped out of his hole, spinning around at the sound of our voices. He pointed his shovel at Zoro- and then at me, Sanji, Ace, Sabo, and Luffy in turn. Nami and Chopper were ignored, probably because they looked least threatening. "Who are you?! Why are you here?!"

I put Ruatha down and raised my hands, drawing Toto's attention back to myself. "It's okay; we're not here to hurt you. We're friends of Vivi's; she sent us to check on you."

"But- Ow!" I kicked Luffy in the leg to shut him up before he could give me away. Although… I wasn't sure who was more surprised- Luffy, that I kicked him, or me, that my kick actually did anything to him.

"The princess? She's dead. Who are you really?" Toto approached slowly. I could see his intent to hit me with his shovel in his eyes. Despite the threat, I did my best to remain non-threatening.

"Vivi isn't dead, and she's not missing anymore either. She hired our crew to help her stop the civil war; some of our friends are with her right now." Merde… How to make Toto believe me? Could I call Vivi? But she didn't have a snail… Although she might be at the royal palace by now, maybe, so I could always call-

I didn't have Cobra's number either. Tabarnak.

"How can I trust a word you say?" Toto drew himself up to his full height, shovel still pointed at my face. "Look, I know what you're really here for. Crazed, desperate men and women… This country's full of them. But you won't find anything to steal here; just an old man who's crazed and desperate in his own way. So I suggest you _Get_. _Out_. Before you make me do something I'll regret."

 _Reeeeally_ hadn't expected this much hostility from _Toto_ of all people. In canon he was such a kind, encouraging old man. If I'd expected something like this, I would've asked Vivi for some toke- _oh_. "You've known Vivi since she was little, right? Has she always blurted out secrets at the worst possible moment? And forgotten important details until they become relevant- and sometimes even later?" Really though, I should've thought to ask Vivi for a way to prove we knew her, just in case. This one was all on me.

Toto paused. "That _does_ sound like her… But knowing her doesn't mean you're her friends. For all I know, you're part of an organization that kidnapped her when she disappeared!"

Tabarnak, why was this so hard? Why couldn't it be like D&D, where I could just roll a diplomacy check and have it done with? It wasn't like Toto was a character I knew a lot about to be able to talk down… Although I did know things about his _son_ that might work. "Wait- I can prove it! As a child, Vivi and your son Kohza were co-leaders of a gang of kids called the Suna-Suna Clan. Their hideout was the clocktower in Alubarna."

That made the old man go from paused to frozen. "You… Vivi would never tell that to anyone who wasn't a friend, and kidnappers would have no reason to ask about it during an interrogation." Toto stood down, planting his shovel in the sand to his left. "My- my apologies. You must be telling the truth."

And then… And then he broke. The old man fell to his knees, crying and rubbing at his eyes. "She's alive… The princess is alive… This is the best news anyone's brought me in years. Dear little Vivi…"

Luffy shot me an odd look- like he couldn't decide if I'd broken the "no backstory" rule or not. I flinched apologetically. "Sorry Captain. It was the only thing I could think of."

"Eh… Okay, I guess. But don't do it again." Luffy thought for a moment, then reached over to poke my forehead like Ghin would've. I grinned ruefully.

It took a few minutes for Toto to recover his faculties. When he did, his eyes were red and still watery. "Sorry… As you might expect, I haven't had a lot of good news lately." His face paled. "Oh my… I need to call Kohza, need to tell him. He'll want to know…"

"Vivi's on her way over to tell him in person," I informed the old man. "Actually… She's probably already spoken to him. With any luck, the two of them can avert the bulk of the war."

"The war…" Toto sighed heavily, staring at us with sad eyes. "Two people cannot stop a war, young one, no matter how good their intentions. I wish they could- there's nothing I'd like better than for the war to end and my boy to come home- but at this point it's impossible."

Zoro scowled and folded his arms. "Well then, it's a good thing there's more than the two of them."

"What?" Toto clearly didn't understand.

"Jones said Vivi dear hired us to help her stop the war, didn't she?" Sanji lit a cigarette with a huff. I had to applaud his restraint- I don't think I'd seen him smoking at all while we walked, only when we made camp. "The rest of us are with her right now, keeping her safe and stuff. Maybe two people can't stop a war- but there're a Hell of a lot more than two of us."

Toto looked at us with confused awe. "You- Even if you think you can do it, you realize you'd be putting your lives on the line? And pardon me, but you're clearly not local. Not like this old man, whose heart and dreams are in this sand. What reason could a group of mercenaries like you have for risking everything like this?"

Luffy, Zoro, Nami, Sanji, Chopper, Ruatha, and I looked at each other. _Something_ \- I can't say exactly what- pinged in the air; for once, every last one of us was on the same wavelength. We answered Toto's question one by one.

"Adventure!"

"Training."

"Money."

"Cute girls."

"To keep certain idiots from hurting themselves too much."

"Monah."

"I like meddling."

"But most of all," And here we were speaking in unison- except for Ruatha, who just hummed something- which was both awesome and incredibly freaky, since we hadn't planned this _at all_. "We're here because Vivi's our friend."

Oh, I could almost taste the cheese in this scene. My writer was one espresso away from going full camp right now, wasn't she?

Overwhelmed, it took several seconds for Toto to react. When he did, his first action was to look at Ace and Sabo. They just shook their heads. "We don't really know the princess," Ace clarified, "We're mostly here cause Lu's our brother and we wanted to spend time with him."

"Although I'm a Revolutionary," Sabo said, inclining his head. "Starting and stopping wars, rescuing nations in distress… It's kind of in my job description."

"Is it really safe to be telling him that?" Ace asked his brother. Toto chuckled before Sabo could answer.

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just an old man; my hearing is starting to go. What was that you said- something about spending time with your brother?" The old man's eyes twinkled with mischief. Sabo nodded, shooting Toto a grateful smile.

"So," Clearing his throat, Kohza's father picked up his shovel and got back to work digging his hole, "You can't have come out all this way just to check on little old me. Where are you kids off to, that you think you can help stop the war?"

"Crocodile's casino, Rain Dinners," Nami supplied. Toto raised his eyebrows.

"Odd place for a battle… But there's probably more to this than I know, isn't there? No, don't tell me anything." The old man shook his head. "I'm probably safer if I don't know. You kids feel free to spend the night- the sandstorms've taken out a lot of the buildings, but the hotel's still livable."

"Thanks!" Luffy grinned… and then frowned. "Hey… What're you digging? You lose something?"

"No, I know exactly where it is." Toto chuckled- I want to say humourlessly, but in truth it sounded a wee bit deranged. "Before this drought, Yuba used to be a _beautiful_ oasis. There's water here; I just need to dig deep enough to find it. Which would be a lot easier if THESE BLOODY SANDSTORMS WOULD STOP COMING UP OUT OF NOWHERE! JUST GIVE UP- YOU'LL NEVER GET ME TO LEAVE, BY SET!"

The old man shook his fist at the sky. It earned him no response. Sighing, he deflated and went back to digging as if nothing had happened. "If it's the last thing I do, I'll make Yuba beautiful again. War or no war. This place is my home… My treasure… All my dreams are buried in its sand and water." Despite the words being meant as hopeful, Toto's voice was cracked, almost broken. He really couldn't handle this much disappointment much longer.

" _Ooooooh_ …" Luffy nodded in understanding, a soft look on his face. Then… "Do you have another shovel?"

"What?" Toto shook his head and smiled. "Oh, never mind me. You kids just go get some sleep. I'm sure stopping a war is tiring business, and I don't mind digging on my own. I've been doing it for… A while now. Since my son left. Not sure how long it's been, exactly. I'm used to it, by now."

Well, no wonder he occasionally seemed deranged. Even socially anxious introverts need a _little bit_ of company. While Luffy thought of how to respond to that, I picked up a round rock from what looked like it had once been a garden. Pulling a marker out of my utility belt, I drew a happy face on the rock- complete with a goatee and scraggly hair- and plunked it down on the edge of Toto's hole. The old man paused in his digging to stare at me in confusion.

"His name is Wilson," I explained. "He'll keep you from getting lonely."

Toto smiled and chuckled again- and yes, this time I could definitely hear the hints of crazy. Which is saying something, coming from me. "I see… Well then, I'm pleased to meet you Wilson, and I look forward to a long and happy partnership."

Wilson, of course, didn't respond.

Snapping his fingers, Luffy thumped his fist down on his palm. "If we can't borrow shovels," he decided, "We'll just have to help you by hand. Nami, make a plan!"

"WHAT?!" Nami cracked Luffy over the head with her _Clima-Tact_ , to little effect. "What do you mean, make a plan? I'm a navigator, not an engineer! How should I know the best way to dig through sand in search of water?!"

"Oh. Umm…" Luffy shrugged helplessly. "I dunno."

Ace reached over and ground a fist into Luffy's head. "Just _dig_ , Lu. It's not that hard."

"Right!" Diving headfirst into the sand like an enthusiastic puppy, Luffy began flinging sand _everywhere_. Toto coughed as gritty waves crashed into his face; the rest of us weren't much better off. The old man scowled and shook his shovel

"Young man! Don't you see the mess you're making? You're filling in _my_ bloody hole!" When Luffy didn't respond, Toto sighed and turned to Wilson. "Honestly, youngsters these days… No respect."

Wilson said nothing.

"Raup raup!" Jumping down off my back, Doya began an urgent pantomime. It took me a minute to figure out what he was trying to say- Chopper was too busy spitting out sand to translate.

"You want me to… punch the ground?"

"Raupa!"

"Okay…" Well, even if it didn't make sense, it was part of training. If Sensei says jump… I pulled my bandanna up over my face and moved into the epicenter of the Luffy-made sandstorm, taking up a position beside my captain. And even though it would've made a _lot_ more sense for me to dig like a dog the way he was, I did as Doya said, punching the ground over and over as fast as I could. Tiny clouds of sand flew up each time, but I was barely making a dent in the bottom of the hole. A few minutes of this rubbed my knuckles raw.

Nami coughed through the flying dust. "Can't someone do anything? The sand's getting everywhere."

"I could turn it all to glass," Ace offered drily, "But I don't think anyone'd be too happy with molten glass flying around either."

"No, that wouldn't help." Nami snapped her fingers a moment later. "But this will. Zoro, on my signal, use Tatsumaki."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it, shitty Moss Head." And there was the lovely, familiar thud of a steel-toed shoe against a swordsman's thick skull. "A lovely lady like Nami dear shouldn't have to explain herself to a moron like you. You probably won't understand anyway."

"Fine, fine, whatever." Teeth clicked against metal as the bosun armed himself. "I'm gonna get you for that later, Shit Cook." Seconds later came the sound of Nami pushing buttons on the _Clima-Tact_.

"Heat Balls… Lots of Heat Balls… And a Rain Tempo… Zoro, now!"

"Tatsumaki!"

Suddenly the air was filled with warm, humid wind. The sand and dust Luffy and I were flinging up clung together in clumps, too damp to get in and irritate the throat and lungs. Not that it was staying around anyway; the powerful winds sucked any flying sand up and away. I don't know where it was being deposited- probably on some abandoned building somewhere. But that didn't matter. All I cared about was how much easier it was to _see_ with all the sand being sucked away.

Boots and hooves thumped against sand; Ace, Sabo, and Chopper had jumped into the hole to help. Soon Ruatha joined us too, with even more enthusiasm and less skill than Luffy- actually, my dragon got in the way more often than not. Sanji took a minute longer to join in, but only because he was sneakily absconding with Toto's shovel. Of course; couldn't have the cook damaging his hands by burrowing like an animal like the rest of us. Soon Luffy's little hole had become a massive excavation site, with Nami and Zoro periodically creating more cyclones to suck the debris away. Toto had taken to just staring at us as we worked away, confused and mesmerized.

Really, other me? Going all teamwork on this scene? Couldn't you think of anything better? I guess you had that last espresso and decided to go full camp after all. Ah well… Maybe not the best idea, but it could always be worse. Just don't make anyone sing that song from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ , or I _will_ find a way to deck you.

By the time the hole was about eight feet deep, my knuckles had progressed from raw to bleeding. I ignored them; they stung, but not badly. Chopper sniffed at me and groaned, but didn't say anything. Yet. I had a feeling that as soon as we were done, the little reindeer would be fussing over me once again.

And then something began to seep through the sides of my sneakers. Pausing, I wiped sweat away from my eyes and looked down. The sand was- dark. And not from blood; I wasn't bleeding _that_ much. No, the darkness was coming from a few feet to my left, where Luffy was still throwing up sand like a corgi on a sugar rush. He was several inches deeper into the sand than everyone else… And there was water welling up around his hands. Not a lot, but it was there. Toto, peering over the edge of the hole, let out a sharp, elated gasp.

After that, it didn't take long. Six inches deeper, we were all standing in murky, brown water. And despite being in the desert, it was pretty cold. Actually, _really_ cold. And it made my socks feel gross. Well, we'd dug up the water, Toto was sitting on the edge of the hole, frozen in confused elation, and my writer got her corny teamwork moment that was much less powerful than the way things happened in canon. Mission accomplished, time to get out of the puddle. But… We'd forgotten to leave a ramp or stairs or anything with which to _get_ out.

I facepalmed. Really? That was a new level of absentminded. But I guess it didn't matter much; even _I_ could make an eight-and-a-half foot jump now, at least if I used my powers. About to launch myself out of the hole though, I froze, before facepalming again. Right… Force blasts were _not_ a subtle way to travel. I'd probably just bring the walls crashing down. Okay, new plan, new plan… Oh look, a conveniently placed half-toppled building.

"Ruatha, up." My dragon chirped gleefully at my words, scrambling up onto my back. He was surprisingly gentle with my burns; he'd probably figured out from watching Doya how best to climb up without sticking my wounds with his claws.

Pulling out my whip- I really needed to learn how to use it for things other than this, these scenes weren't coming up very often- I flicked it up at a piece of exposed timber. Leather wrapped firmly around wood. Rather than trying to swing up and out, I climbed my weapon, my hands meeting sandblasted timber after a few seconds. I perched on the narrow but surprisingly strong two-by-six and unwrapped my whip, stowing it again as my fellow diggers jumped out of the hole.

Toto seemed to have lost all ability to speak. The old man had tears of happiness pouring down his confused face. My companions stared at him for several long moments as everyone tried to figure out the appropriate words and reactions. Nothing; dead silence. And I'm sure my getting distracted and starting to pretend I was Spiderman, staring out over New York from a girder on a construction site, really didn't help anybody.

After a moment, Toto managed to find his voice. "But… Why?"

"Because this country is Vivi's treasure." Luffy smiled, a soft smile rather than his usual happy-go-lucky grin. "That means every town, every person… Everything. And if you knew her when she was little… She wouldn't want you wasting away here, digging a hole only for it to get filled in before you're done. She'd want you to be able to move forward with the next part of your dream. Didn't you say you wanted to make Yuba beautiful again? There's a lot more to that than just one puddle."

"I… You…" Toto lost the ability to speak again, burying his face in his hands. Luffy rested a hand on his shoulder, still smiling.

"Get some rest old guy. You'll need it. There's still a lot to do here." Luffy's smile broadened into his usual grin. "We'll see you in the morning, yeah?"

"Of course." Toto wiped tears from his face and answered with his own watery smile. "As I said earlier, the hotel is still intact for your crew to sleep; there should still be bedding in the main closet."

"Shishishishi! Thanks!" Nodding to the rest of us, Luffy led the way to the battered, but still in one piece, building that Toto had indicated. I reluctantly dropped off my broken timber perch to follow. Before I could head in with everyone else though, Doya stopped me with a bark.

"Rawp!"

"Wha-?" It took my brain a moment to catch up, but hey, I was getting better at interpreting dugong speech and body language. "Oh. You want me to train a bit before bed. Kata. Can I at least clean and bandage my knuckles first? My hands getting infected won't help anything."

"Raupa." Doya nodded. Once we were inside, he even helped me tend my bloodied fingers. Which, yeah, I needed some help. Now that I'd stopped punching and moving, things were starting to stiffen up.

Nami looked at me oddly when, instead of joining her in the designated girls' room or picking out a separate one of my own, I stayed in the lobby with Doya. When I shifted into starting position and began going through the Dugong Fu kata, she shook her head. "Just make sure you get some sleep Jones. Chopper might kill you if you kill yourself training all night."

I paused mid- technique and saluted the sailing master. "No promises, but I'll do my best."

This, of course, got me a swat on the head from Doya. The dugong scowled at me and motioned for me to begin again, with no distractions this time. "Reep! Raupa!"

"Hai, hai!" I grinned ruefully. "Sorry Sensei."


	21. Omake the Third

**SBS: Shitsumon o Boshu Suru**

 **gamelover41592: Thanks. And yes, he could.**

 **The Utterly Fabulous Z: You're welcome.**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you. And yes, most of the time, it's a lot of fun.**

 **xanothos: Thank you very much.**

 **NightFlowerLuv: Jones did not pick up that dream from the dugongs, and I'm not lying. *grins* Jones picked up that dream because some friends on Spacebattles made some very good points about some fun things I can do if I make Jones a martial arts master. Very fun things.**

 **Gerbilfriend: *laughs* You'll never hear me condemning puns like that. And you're welcome.**

 **Draco Oblivion: Your reaction to Johnny and Yosaku's gadgets was actually the same as I had while writing it, and the same as they had while using them. I realized while doing that scene that my original intentions weren't going to pan out, so I changed it to something I could use to give them some character development— or try to, at least.**

 **Dragondancer81: Of course. Lots more Ace for us to see; why wouldn't I milk the presence of my favourite character for all it was worth?**

 **TTrunks: *shrugs* Sorry about that. I can't please everyone, and the majority wanted to see some sort of crew reaction to Ace's attack. About the Iron Body thing... Yes, karate does teach something like that, and as part of her dream, Jones will be figuring out the Rokushiki at some point. That's all I can really say without major spoilers.**

 **LilPrincess95: I'm glad I could make you laugh.**

 **Guest (July 27): That's exactly the reference I was going for.**

 **GreenDrkness: Thank you.**

 **Mercy Smith: Thank you very much! Although at this point, it's more like "Next Time: A Wild Omake Appears!"**

 **zillese: *grins* You're welcome.**

 **starelight: I do have some plans for romance in this fic surrounding Jones, but other than that I'm saying nothing. You'll find out when she does.**

 **Partsu: Oh, Ace will end up needing Jones' help, just wait and see... Wait many chapters but it'll happen. And yes, teamwork digging. *holds up plate* Your corn and cheese is served. *dodges hit to the head* I know, that pun was bad and I should feel bad...**

 **Guest (July 28): Yeah, I messed up. Misread something in an SBS segment that led me to have the wrong numbers for the army, and further screwed up by not caring to make the proportion of the army that had been infiltrated realistic. Not going back to change it because 1) numbers mean nothing to the plot, 2) I'm lazy, and 3) I'm willing to own up to my mistakes rather than trying to hide them. Or at least, these kinds of mistakes. I'm glad you like the Ace parts. ^_^ And don't worry, at no point have you said anything that would cause bad feelings.**

 **LegionnaireBlaze: XD Yes, I love Merry too. She's the best ship. You're welcome.**

 **Kakusei: Yes, Jones certainly knows how to turn the odds in her favour. And you didn't see Doya coming? Hooray, that means I'm doing something right!**

 **Azurai Wolf: Not forever, but yes, Ace will be there for a story arc or three.**

 **WaterStar45: Thank you! And telling Ace but not Sabo... It wasn't just a favourite character thing, although that's part of it. Her real reasoning shall be revealed next plot chapter.**

 **Quimsical One: Thank you very much!**

 **Thunder In The Sky: Thank you. And... Not weird (I've already had people ship Jones/Lucci, and he hasn't appeared in the story yet; that's weird) but yeah, not going anywhere. Jones only has one ship that can carry her heart, and it hasn't quite come in yet.**

 **Fairygirl960: And what happens next is... A wild omake appears!**

 **The Keeper Of Worlds: Thank you. And yeah, everyone's pretty curious, but Luffy would never make him tell before he's ready, so there won't be anything coming of it just yet.**

 **tylermech66: Actually, Jones' reaction to the story would mostly be to file it away in the WTF?! part of her brain until a chance to figure it out presented itself. And yeah... Nami hasn't accepted just yet that non-humans can be people. And yay! I'm glad you like me attempting to explain some of the nonsenseoleum. It's a lot of fun to do, actually. I get to play with scientific what ifs and WTFs. I agree— One Piece isn't so much where science goes to die, but rather where science as we know it goes to die. After all, a different gravitational force doesn't mean there's no gravity; it just means the planet's got a different mass.**

 **Dazac: You could be waiting for a while— that wasn't a reference I was planning on, but could easily work its way in unplanned. *shrugs***

 **GingerFury: Thank you! And to answer your questions... Nope! And the dreams sort of have a connection to the story, but it's a bit convoluted. If you're asking because you don't like them... *shrugs* Sorry... You don't have to read them if you don't want— just knowing they're there is enough. The contents won't usually matter. I just like to show rather than tell.**

 **MidnightFenrir: Thank you very much! ^_^ But really? No idea what'll happen with Jones? Yay! That means I've finally learned subtlety!**

 **Eneflin7: Thank you. And about the annoyance... Eh, sorry. *shrugs* But I find it funny, so the Fourth Wall shall stay broken.**

 **Kibbits: *grins* Yes.**

 **Zoroshen: Interesting idea. And don't worry, I have plenty of fun plans for her Devil Fruit. Just can't have her figuring them all out at once, now can I? If I did, I'd miss opportunities for glorious slapstick.**

 **Guest (July 31): Thank you. Although I'm surprised now— I didn't mean for that chapter to be fluffy... So, unintentional fluff win?**

 **And now, dear readers, a break from the usual corn and cheese as I bring you... an omake!**

A young woman sat at a table, writing something. Outside, the air was full of sound- waves crashing, people shouting, the cries of sea birds. But in the galley, everything was more or less quiet, aside from the scratching of the woman's pen- that, and the soft slide of scales against wood as a white dragon the size of a dog snuck up behind her. The woman didn't react as the dragon climbed up her back and perched on her shoulder. When the winged reptile started chewing on her hat though, _then_ she moved. A scarred, callused hand snapped up over her shoulder, clamping down on a toothy muzzle with surprising strength.

"Hey! Leave my hat alone! Naughty little ball of scales…" Forced to pause in her writing, the woman looked up and smiled. "Oh, hi. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. You should've said something when you came in."

Her smile grew broader, into a demented grin twisted up at the sides by the scars on her face. It showed prominent canines at the edges, and just a few too many teeth overall to be comfortable. "So, I bet you're wondering what this omake's for. Well, FFN doesn't allow info sheet posts and suchlike, so my writer decided to get around that by turning it into a story fragment. See, she wanted to answer all the questions Oda did for the canon Straw Hats about me. I'm not sure it's a good idea- not the sort of thing I expect many people would like, and an abuse of my Fourth Wall breaking abilities. But hey, I'm not really the one in control here, am I?"

The smile morphed into a frown, and suddenly the woman no longer looked so insane. But at the same time, she no longer looked like herself. It didn't last long though; her uncomfortable grin returned soon enough. "Since I can't avoid this… As you probably know, my name is Jones, and it's time to start the SBS!" Here she pumped a fist in the air, causing the dragon on her shoulder to squawk in protest as his balance was thrown off. "I've always wanted to say that!"

Looking at her papers, Jones nodded. "Right, let's do this. First is my animal resemblance. Let's see if you can spot it without me saying." So saying, Jones stood up and grinned, spreading her arms and baring even more teeth- if such a feat were even possible. Scars pulled tight to give her skin an uneven, almost scaly appearance in places. On her shoulder, Ruatha- for who else could a white dragon in Jones' company be?- copied his mother, spreading his wings and opening his mouth with an eager hiss.

"Dovah!"

Jones nodded at her companion's assessment. "Yeah, that should be pretty obvious. You're kind of a dead giveaway bud."

"Zokah!"

"Specifically," Jones continued, "My motif is the Catalan _drac_ , a dragon with two legs, wings, and the head of a lion. Its breath is a poisonous, flammable vapour that rots all it touches."

Looking down at her list, Jones frowned. "The next two I can't do much interesting with- colour and number. My colours are purple and black- _Disney_ villain colours. And my number… pi. Because it's irrational."

Rather than addressing her smell- the next thing on the list- Jones stood still and let the narration answer the question for her. Ruatha shoved his muzzle in her hair, chirping at the scent of apples and cat food. Laughing, Jones reached up to scratch him behind the ears.

"As for my favourite island and season… autumn on a winter island. I love the colours of falling leaves, the smell of decay, and the early snowfall that it brings; it reminds me of home. The good parts, that I wasn't thinking about when…" For a moment, her face went dark. "Eh, you saw how my story started; you know what I mean."

Pausing for a moment, Jones reached into a bowl that had been sitting on the table. She pulled out a handful of chocolate-covered cranberries, downing them all at once in the ungraceful manner of a gamer in the middle of an encounter. A minute later, after she was done chewing, her grin was stained with red. "Yum! But no, that wasn't my favourite food. I don't really have one. But I do have a food-based weakness- bananas. Not allergic or anything, but I've found that I'm more likely to have an… episode… if it's been a while since I've eaten a banana." Jones shrugged helplessly. "Probably has something to do with potassium levels."

Running a finger down her list, Jones shook her head. "Position in the Straw Hat family? Eh, probably crazy cat lady aunt. Or maybe oldest daughter. It's hard to tell. Sorry."

"Skipping real world nationality- you already know that one." Running her finger down her list, Jones suddenly burst out laughing. "Sesehihihihihi! Genderswap? What would I be like if I were genderswapped? Hihihihihi! Look, judging by past records, most people wouldn't even notice if I'd been genderswapped this whole chapter. _I_ might not even notice!"

Concerned for his mother's sanity, Ruatha snaked his neck around and began licking Jones' face. She continued laughing for the next few minutes, sounding like she was about to hack up a lung- or maybe both lungs. The baby dragon crooned and hummed until the woman got herself under control. When she started speaking again, her voice sounded even more hoarse than its usual broken rasp.

"My bold type is O+, but Chopper's leery of having me donate to anyone, or getting donations from anyone because of the whole para-dimensional, different species thing. Which means yes, he takes my blood regularly in case he needs a supply of it when I inevitably get another major injury. And my flower's a dandelion- if only for the reason that those things are even harder to get rid of than my plot armour."

The next few items on the list earned a low groan. "Okay, you know I can't answer sea of origin, and I don't know enough about Japan to figure out which prefecture I'm most suited to. I sleep from midnight to seven, unless I have funny watch shifts. And I bathe every day, if you _need_ to know." Rolling her eyes, Jones continued down the list.

"Now, unlike favourites, I _do_ have a least favourite food. Tomatoes. I'm not fond of cheese either. Weirdly, I'm okay with them if they're together, like on pizza. And I think we all know what my specialty is when it comes to cooking- bug repellent. Edible things, not so much. Although _I've_ never had a problem eating my own cooking." The woman shook her head and preened her dragon's wings. Ruatha purred.

"I'm not sure if you can guess my preferred non-pirate career," Jones said with a wry smirk, "Although I suspect it's pretty obvious. Still, just in case… I always wanted to be a novelist. Been writing since I was six years old."

Nearing the end of the list, Jones shook her head and laughed again. "Sesehihihihihi! Where would I come out in a race against the rest of the crew? Well, usually I'd say about level with Nami, maybe Usopp if I pushed _really_ hard. But… That's while wearing my weights. Remember, I almost never take those things off. I don't know how fast I'd be without them; maybe I should test that one of these days."

Setting her paper down, Jones scrawled her autograph across the bottom of the list. And not the name she used, but her full name- _**Keira Faye Jones**_. Her writing was broad, childish cursive, like an eleven-year-old just learning, but neater. Her motions were quick and sure, someone accustomed to writing a lot in a short period of time. But despite being slightly smudged by her speed and the closeness of her hand to the paper, the letters were still clearly legible.

For a moment, it seemed as if the woman didn't notice she'd missed a question- she hadn't said anything about the inner workings of her brain. Now, one could argue- and Jones probably would, if someone mentioned it- that there was no point. She was the usual POV character, so seeing her inner thoughts was easily done. The pirate sat back down at the table, patting her dragon with one hand and writing with the other, seemingly ignoring everyone else in the world. She whistled softly as she worked, a cheery, insistent rhythm. It was at odds with the thoughts that echoed through her head.

Cold. **Darkness**. _**Dragons**_ flying overhead, FIRE spewing _everywhere_. Training- _running_ , **fighting** , _**FUN!**_ _Careful_ balance, walking a golden tightrope over the **abyss** ; a door that _**slams**_ **shut** before _anyone_ can look beyond. _Hihihihihi_ , **I** _ **SeE**_ **yOu**.


	22. Exposition

**Exposition: a comprehensive description and explanation of an idea or theory**

 **GreenDrkness: Yes, that omake was Jones introducing herself.**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you.**

 **FairyGirl960: Thanks.**

 **GingerFury: Heh. Sorry. But if you haven't figured it out yet, that means I really have learned subtlety. I used to foreshadow with a sledgehammer. My high school English teacher would be so proud.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: Which Disney princess is Jones most like? Hmm... That's a hard one. In a lot of ways, she's probably a mix between Elsa and Mulan. Not sure which she'd be closer to though... Probably Elsa, since Jones has some Northern European ancestry, but no Chinese.**

 **LegionnaireBlaze: Ichi! The title talks about three things: Jones' scars, the One Piece Red Line, and the fact that a "red line" is a moral, religious, or personal boundary; upon crossing it, you can never be the same person again. Ni! I would like to use that idea, if you don't mind. Although I'm not entirely sure when yet...**

 **xanothos: ^_^ Thank you very much.**

 **MidnightFenrir: No, not exactly what I've been going for with Jones, but certainly a neat idea.**

 **Partsu: You're welcome.**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you very much. ^_^**

 **Dragondancer81: *is hugged* Mm, yes, although I tend to think of Marco as being more rational and experienced than Ghin— or Ace, for that matter. And thank you very much.**

 **Aeroza: Don't worry; I plan to.**

 **NightFlowerLuv: Of course! 'Tis iconic; it must be done at least once.**

 **The Utterly Fabulous Z: If you know, please keep quiet. Some people still haven't figured it out yet, I think.**

 **havarti2: You're welcome.**

 **tylermech66: You think One Piece is bad that way, just think of Chronicles of Narnia. Not sure if Jones will be much concerned about it or put it out of her mind— she likes meat, so that's the sort of thing she would try not to think about if she noticed it.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thank you.**

 **Cesar D. Sezun: All types of force? More or less. Which means yes, it's an incredibly useful fruit and a little overpowered in the hands of anyone with even basic knowledge of physics. I've set a few limitations on it to keep it from getting too out of hand, but... Yeah, not all that many. It's still good for a lot.**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Thank you very much. ^_^ And sorry, but Jones and Robin aren't meeting again just yet. Soon, though.**

 **Sage McGavin: A den-den named Watson? I'm afraid I don't get the reference. Would you mind explaining?**

 **strawhatted demigod shinobi: And true. That line... A lot of those scenes were based on things that have actually happened to me, albeit with names and locations changed a bit. So yes, that line has actually been said to me.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you!**

 **Master Aquatosic: Plain evil? Maybe. In Johnny and Yosaku's case it's more getting excited about something and not thinking about the consequences, but I see your point. As far as Jones goes though... *shrugs* Sorry, I can't tell you what the apple seeds are for yet. Spoilers.**

 **Snare646: Thank you. And I'm glad you found something to give you hope.**

 **Guest (August 5): Thank you. it was supposed to be.**

 **Insanity Lord: Probably because I was playing around with the capitals and text formatting. And maybe also because it's confirmation of how aware Jones is of her readers, and an implication that if she wanted to do anything, even the Fourth Wall wouldn't hold her back long.**

 _Heavy, dry dust surrounded me as far as I could see, swirling about my knees like a river. Ghin was with me, searching for… something. I couldn't remember what it was, but I knew I would know when we found it. If we found it. Something was chasing us through the dust though, a spidery, scrambling humanoid with a spherical head. No… A helmet. An astronaut's helmet, and they had some sort of skin-tight, rubber suit covering them. But whatever- whoever- it was couldn't speak. The could growl though, and hiss like an angry raccoon. From what I could tell, the scuttle was hunting us. If Ghin and I couldn't get away from it soon, we might be eaten. But the dust prevented us from moving any faster…_

 _Beep._

Despite having been up late training, I woke early in the morning. Too hot; I couldn't sleep as the sun came up and the surrounding desert baked Yuba like a chocolate chip cookie. Plus, something outside was making noise- a rhythmic swishing sound. Yawning, I climbed out the window to check it out.

 _Fwip. Fwip. Fwip._ Each swish was accompanied by a flash of light as sunlight reflected off steel. Squinting, I saw Zoro silhouetted against the rising sun, a scowl on his face. He was performing an intricate kata with all three swords, his bandanna wrapped around his head to keep the sweat out of his eyes. I stayed silent, watching, until he was done.

"Morning Jones," the bosun said after finishing, _Wado Ichimonji_ still in his mouth. I nodded as I approached.

"Morning." Hmm… No real fighting, sword in mouth… Finally, a perfect chance to ask. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Zoro frowned down at me in confusion. I gestured at _Wado_.

"Talk with a sword in your mouth. I mean, I've tried it before, back home, but I can never get it right." I drew one of my sais and popped it into my mouth to demonstrate. The strain on my teeth was instant and uncomfortable. "Ew oh ay I ah ay ih uherahahoh."

I took my sai out of my mouth quickly; my canines were starting to hurt even after those few seconds. Zoro shook his head, smiling around the hilt of his sword. "Just practice, I guess. Why, you looking to learn?"

"No." I shook my head. "My teeth couldn't handle it, even if I could get my jaw muscles up to par. Two weapons is enough for me, when I use them at all."

Nodding, Zoro looked thoughtful. After a moment, he shrugged. "Jones… While you were hurt- from the T-Rex," he clarified. I stifled a giggle. "While you were out, Luffy told me to try and learn to do a flying slash like Dorry and Broggy used to kill a giant goldfish. I think I've figured out what I need to do, but…"

"You want to know if I know anything about it?"

Zoro nodded again. "It's captain's orders, and… I'm the swordsman. That's what I _am_ , what I _do_. Not like Chopper, or Nami, or the shit cook… Hell, even the war dog has _something_ he does outside a fight. Rigging, plus being the local mother hen. Me? I break up arguments sometimes, and fish Luffy out of the water. My _job_ , the reason I'm _here_ is to _fight_. To defend the crew. Back on Little Garden… I shouldn't have let myself get captured. I should've been fighting, like Luffy. If I had been, maybe you wouldn't have… Maybe I could've stopped that dinosaur before it got near Vivi."

Sighing, the bosun drooped. For the first time in a long time, I was reminded of how _young_ he was. Zoro may've been stoic and mature, but he was still five years younger than I was. And Hell, even if he wasn't, anyone can make mistakes; anyone can doubt themselves or feel inadequate. "I need to be stronger. So if you know… I'm not much for unarmed fighting, but I have one technique I could…"

"You don't need to bribe me," I informed the swordsman, indignant. Folding my arms across my chest, I scowled up at Zoro. Really? Did he think so little of me? Yes, I'd lie and poison my dark little heart out when dealing with marines or other enemies, but my own crew mates… "I know you don't think much of my sense of honour, but my _loyalty_ is just as strong as yours. We're both Straw Hats; if you want my help, all you need to do is ask. Although… I'm not sure how much help I'll actually _be_."

I found a piece of exposed timber projecting horizontally from a broken building; grabbing hold of this, I swung back and forth as I waited for Zoro to react to my words. His expression was hard to read around _Wado Ichimonji_. Finally, after several long moments, the bosun nodded. His shoulders straightened a little; he now faced me like we were students in the same dojo, and he were asking me about something that had happened on a day he'd missed.

"So, this flying slash thing… From what I figure, it's about cutting so fast and so hard that the air does something weird and passes the cuts along. Sound about right?"

Nodding, I pulled myself up so I could swing my legs over the timber and hang upside down. The movement made my back ache and burn. "Yep. Move fast enough that you cut the air itself, creating a vacuum that flies forward for a short distance, cutting everything in its path. Some people can do the same with a kick or swinging their arm too, but I think that's even harder. Think of it as a stronger, more focused version of your Tatsumaki. Sorry," I shrugged, which probably looked funny since I was upside down. "I really don't know anything else about it, to make learning easier. But it'll prob'ly be easier once you learn to cut steel."

"Makes sense." Zoro grinned around _Wado Ichimonji_. Then his face fell. "I don't know how to do that though."

"You'll learn soon enough." The blood rushing to my head was starting to make me dizzy, so I pulled myself up to sit on top of my piece of timber. Zoro nodded, accepting. He then went back to practicing kata, his swords making _fwip_ noises as he moved. With nothing else to do, I joined in- by which I mean I began practicing a sai kata of my own. Or creating one, as it were, out of a set of techniques I remembered from a couple of video games. Zoro huffed with laughter as he saw me experimenting.

"You look like you're trying to swat bugs with your weapons."

"Heh…" Figuring out Shining Fang was hard; my wrist didn't like spinning that way. "Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything."

The bosun clearly didn't get the reference, from the puzzled frown he directed my way. "You're saying weird things again… But this time, I think I like it. Sparring won't do either of us any good, so how about a different type of competition?"

That piqued my interest. Usually Zoro would only suggest something like that with Sanji or Ghin- and there would be a lot more aggression involved. And… Well, for some reason, I got the impression he'd been avoiding me lately, although I wasn't sure why. This could be… _interesting_. "What do you have in mind?"

Frown morphing into an eager grin, Zoro stomped on a clump of dried up grass. A cloud of sandflies swarmed up. The air was filled with quiet humming. "Let's try that whole fly catching thing… with weapons."

Oh, that sounded fun- and difficult. Quickly flipping my sais around, I grinned. "Alright. You're on."

 _Fwip. Fwip. Fwip. Shwing. Shwing. Fwip._ Soon the air was filled with the sounds of blades once more. I added in my own sound effects a second later, spinning through the cloud of flies. _Fwook. Fwook. Tong. Tong. Tong._ And it was still early in the day, cool enough that I wasn't uncomfortable moving, even if it was still too hot to sleep. Although… The flies biting itched something _fierce_.

They were hard to catch, too. With weapons, at least. I grew up in the land of _black flies, little black flies~_ If it had been by hand, the game would've been much easier. But that wasn't the point of this. For several long minutes, there was no sign of results, with the flies never lessening in number. But it was _fun_. Even if Zoro and I were constantly getting in each other's way trying to stay in the cloud of flies. More than a few times, I had to abandon my pursuit of the insects in order to block slashes that nearly hit me, and I know there were several instances where I would've gotten Zoro if he hadn't twisted aside at the last minute.

Then the blades of Zoro's swords began to be flecked with red. He was getting faster, beginning to slice through the flies that were biting us. Frowning, I tried to push harder, tried to catch up. It was hard… I was smaller, slower, weaker… And then I saw the first fleck of blood on my sais. Adrenaline shot through me, along with newfound confidence. I may not be as good as Zoro, but I _could do this!_

"Sesehihihihihi!"

By some unspoken rule, neither of us was using named attacks. Probably a good thing; we were so close together, and already coming so near to hitting each other… If either of us had tried anything big, we would've struck the other without question. Plus, Zoro using something like Tatsumaki and blowing all the flies away would've just been cheating. This was as much control practice as speed practice.

And teamwork practice. As the minutes went on, Zoro and I got better at playing off and around each other rather than almost hitting each other. It wasn't intentional- we were still competing- and it was a lot easier than I would've expected. Not that we were perfect by any means, especially the first time I used him as a stepladder- stepping off his knee as the swordsman took a low stance, I didn't jump quite fast enough and nearly got my legs taken of at the shins by _Kitetsu_. But I didn't. And the shallow twin lines of blood that showed through my torn pants attracted the flies to me, giving me more chances to hit them.

I didn't even notice that the cloud of flies was lessening in density until my sais clashed against Zoro's swords, with a tiny spurt of blood as the last biting insect died between a blunt weapon and a bladed one. The swordsman let out a huff of laughter as I panted. Adrenaline drained from me in an instant.

"Not bad." Zoro sheathed his swords. He looked pensive. "You know… I don't always agree with how you do things, but at least you've got drive. Don't think you could've done that when we first picked you up. Especially the part where you used me as a springboard."

"Thanks." I slipped my sais back into my belt.

The next few minutes were spent in a slightly awkward yet companionable silence. Not for the first time, I got the feeling there was something Zoro wanted to say to me, but that he couldn't put it into words. Or maybe he didn't feel the time was right just yet. Eventually, he shook his head with a wry smile. Taking his bandanna off and tying it around his arm, the bosun placed a hand on my shoulder. "Come on. We've still got some time before the others get up, and you said you wanted to be the greatest martial artist in the world, didn't you? Let's see how you handle Mutoryu: Tatsumaki- unless you're too tired from working with the little dugong sensei?"

"Never too tired," I said, giving my arms a quick shake to get rid of the shock of meeting Zoro blade-to-sai. "But you don't have-!"

"Like you said, on this crew, we're family." Zoro shrugged. "So, helping and teaching each other is what we do. I'm not offering as a bribe or anything; I'm offering cause if a tiny little thing like you wants to be a great fighter, you need all the help you can get." Then he grinned, an expression that gave the usually stoic man a surprisingly strong resemblance to some versions of the Joker. I'm sure his hair didn't do anything to lessen the effect. "Get ready- there's a lot of spinning involved."

That made my own grin spread wide. "I know this won't mean anything to you," I said, jabbing my thumb at my chest, "But… former figure skater. I think I can handle a little spinning."

Zoro chuckled. "We'll see about that. Now, hold out your arms…"

X

Usopp sweatdropped as he looked around at the training yard. Every pillar, every dummy, every wall and equipment shed, even the ground… Everything was covered in intricate runes in rich green and brilliant turquoise. It hadn't been like this when Chaka and Pell had shown it to them the day before. "Okay, now you're just showing off."

Lisa glanced up at him from where she was lying on a bench. The little girl had massive circles of violet under her eyes; she looked like she'd been up all night. "I'd like to see you mix a _hundred thousand gallons of paint_ from _different base colours than you're used to_ , then paint _an entire military training field_ with _over a million_ Lasabrjotur runes!" Tense, paint-stained fingers, curled into claws from hours of gripping a brush, gestured violently around the yard.

Holding up his hands, Usopp took an instinctive step back. Mostly because for a moment, Lisa reminded him of an angry weasel and he was afraid she was going to bite him. But that fear passed as she flopped back down onto the bench with a groan. "My hands _hurt_. A _lot_. I never want to paint anything this big again."

Usopp was slightly confused by that statement. "But… Didn't you paint the whole _Going Merry_?"

That earned him a tired glare. "This was _bigger_. And I didn't do _Merry_ all at once either."

"So… Why did you do this all at once? We have a few hours this morning before the first unit comes it; couldn't you have done some last night and some now?"

"No. These paints don't dry as fast as mine, so I had to get it all done so they wouldn't smear. It's a good thing it doesn't rain a lot here. Don't touch anything!" Lisa snapped the last bit, when Usopp went to examine her work. "They're not dry _yet_."

"Sorry, sorry!" Stepping back, Usopp raised his hands to show he hadn't touched. Lisa groaned into the wood of her bench.

"Imma go sleep now." Her words were followed immediately by obnoxiously loud snoring, far beyond what Usopp would've expected of a girl her size. He wanted to ask if Lisa always made that noise when she slept, but… Nami wasn't there, and Vivi and Mairead were still off making final arrangements with Chaka, Pell, and the king.

Chuckling, Ghin sat down beside the little painter. He took her hat off and started running his fingers through her hair, brushing out the tangles. A few minutes later, when he seemed satisfied with the condition of Lisa's auburn locks, the rigger began braiding her hair back into its usual pigtails. A couple months before, Usopp would've been surprised to see such gentleness from Ghin; now, the only surprise came from the fact that Lisa's was the only hair he ever tried to braid. Not that any of the other girls they knew were likely to _let_ him…

Shrugging, Usopp wandered away to where Johnny and Yosaku were fiddling with their spray gun things. The hunters were uncharacteristically silent and… frowning. Which, yeah, okay, Usopp understood. They'd been a little scared by what their new weapons _did_ yesterday. He couldn't say he knew the feeling- his ammunition was always _exactly_ as dangerous as he thought it was, not a burn more- but he _did_ understand what it was like to be unhappy with a creation. Maybe he could help? It would give him something to do, at least.

All this waiting was making him nervous. More nervous than usual.

"Maybe if we fill the secondary tank with water?" Johnny suggested as Usopp got close. "And refined the hose so we could control the concentrations? That way, we could pick easy how much acid and stuff we used, so it wouldn't burn normal people so badly, and we could even shoot straight water if we needed to."

"There'd need to be a tertiary tank in the nozzle so the solutions could mix properly," Yosaku mused. "But yeah, it could work. And… If we change the nozzle to be hand-pumped air pressure, we can even control the shape and force of the spray. A high-pressure jet of just water's still a pretty good weapon, if it hits someone hard enough, and it wouldn't do so much permanent damage."

Johnny nodded. Then he frowned. "But that would require different types of exit holes too, if we wanted to change the shape. Preferably on a rotary."

"Why not? We're basically rebuilding everything anyways. What's one more component?"

Usopp crouched down between his crew mates and looked at the blueprints they were sketching. "You know… If you're gonna do that, you could turn the main pack into a bunch of smaller tanks instead of two big ones, carry different kinds of liquids. You know, stink bombs and stuff."

Yosaku shook his head. "Nah, that wouldn't work Big Bro. We'd run outta ammo too fast- or at least, outta whatever kind we were usin' at the time. Best to just do adjustable concentrations."

"Oh. Sorry…" Usopp rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. Then he saw something on the blueprint that made him frown. "Hey, uh, guys, you know that arranging the harness that way limits your shoulder mobility, right?"

The hunters looked at where he was pointing. Yosaku facepalmed. "Shit, forgot about that. Thanks Bro."

"No problem." Usopp continued looking as the green hunter reworked the harness design. "Oooooh, hey, I just had an idea! If you make the tanks thicker or use a stronger alloy, you can use them as partial armour!"

"What?!" Somehow, Usopp always found it so cool when the hunters spoke in unison. They must know each other really well. "Whaddya mean?!"

"Well, to make them viable, they're already huge, so they cover pretty much your whole back. Which means if you use an alloy hard enough to deflect blades, no one can hit you from behind."

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other. "Scars on the back _are_ a swordsman's shame," the blue hunter pointed out. His partner nodded.

"It could mean a lot of training and testing with Big Bro Zoro, though, to find out stuff that works."

"Worth it."

Now Usopp was getting excited. He loved inventing, especially if he got a chance to do it with someone else. Not that there'd been many people willing to indulge him back on Syrup Island, certainly none he could share as much with as he could with Johnny and Yosaku. "And if we put a lead rod and some lead dioxide crystals in Yosaku's acid tank, we could connect a wire and electrify his sword! Not sure if we could do yours though, Johnny, unless you switched to sulphuric acid too…"

Both hunters looked… torn, at that. They stared at him for several long moments, then at each other. When they spoke, their sentences came in fragments, as if they were partially reading the other's mind and didn't need to say all of their thoughts aloud. It was almost as cool as speaking in unison, although Usopp knocked some points off for the difficulty he had following the conversation.

"Co cool…"

"But- honour?"

"Says nothing about…"

"Remember Old Man Inazuma though?"

"Lower voltage?

"How do we-?"

"With Big Sis. If she can resist…"

"If we ran out of acid?"

"Sword's still a sword."

Shrugging, the hunters turned back to Usopp. "Maybe we can try that someday," Yosaku said slowly, "But not now. This is a quick refit; we don't have time to test stuff like that."

"Plus, we'd want Big Sis Jones around for that," Johnny added. "If Big Sis Nami's right and her fruit gives her a bit of electrical resistance, we can use her as a measuring stick. Anything that doesn't affect Big Sis probably wouldn't do serious damage to normal people, right? We don't want a repeat of yesterday… That's not what we meant to do."

Usopp nodded, understanding. But then… "What _did_ you think would happen if you started spraying acid everywhere?" Because that was one thing he _really_ didn't understand. How do you _unintentionally_ create a potent weapon using substances you _knew_ were dangerous? Johnny and Yosaku shrugged helplessly, unable to answer, their faces turning red with embarrassment.

Sharp, rapid clicks echoed against stone. Vivi emerged from the palace and strode over to the Straw Hats at great speed, a frown creasing her face. "Is everything ready?"

Lisa raised her head- which had somehow made its way onto Ghin's lap. "Not quite dry yet; needs another fifteen minutes. Other than that, yes."

"Good." Vivi nodded. "We have twenty minutes before Chaka brings the first division in. Sorry… I couldn't delay them any longer. But if you say it's less than that to dry, it shouldn't matter."

Ghin nodded and stood, hefting Lisa in his arms and leaning her against his shoulder. "Where should we go?"

"There's an old box where kings used to watch their soldiers prepare for war," Vivi gestured towards an odd, towering construction at one end of the training yard, "Not that Father ever used it. It should keep us sheltered from assassins while still within hearing range so we can question the divisions. Father says we can make it our base of operations, as long as we don't mind the dust."

The pirates followed the princess to the odd building, which she unlocked with a heavy, ancient looking key. Inside there was very little- just some stairs leading up to the observation deck, a few stone benches, and yes, lots and _lots_ of dust. It looked like no one had been in there in years, maybe even decades. Usopp coughed, unable to help himself, before exploding into a fit of sneezing. Sometimes having allergies _sucked_. In order to combat the dust, he took a cloth out of his duffle bag and wetted it before tying it around his face. It was a bit uncomfortable with his nose- and it reminded him more than a little of Jones and her bandanna- but at least he could breathe while wearing it.

And then they waited.

Johnny and Yosaku continued to refine their designs on one of the benches, while Ghin hummed a song to a sleeping Lisa. Sighing, Usopp pulled out some of his own tools and began tinkering away, making some ammo. After all, you never know… He'd rather have far more than he needed than run out in a panic. Besides, he had a few new things he wanted to try. Working on the _Clima-Tact_ for Nami and seeing what Johnny and Yosaku were planning had given him some _ideas_.

Not too much time had passed by the time they heard the pounding of leather sandals on sand and stone. Glancing up, Usopp had his breath stolen away. Somehow, despite being only a fraction of the Royal Army, this was more impressive than seeing the rebels drilling together. Maybe it was the matching uniforms in flowing white and gold, maybe it was the fact that their weapons were in better condition, maybe it was the superb unity with which they moved… Maybe it was just Chaka standing at the head of the division like the alpha of a pack, shouting orders in a language Usopp didn't understand. Whatever it was, it was like nothing the gunner had ever seen before. He abandoned his tinkering in favour of a piece of paper to take notes. After all, if he wanted to be a brave warrior of the sea, he should know how different kinds of warriors acted.

Soft whispers moved through the division as they got into position, spreading like a wave. Chaka glared out at his men. "And what's so funny? I said form up!"

The sounds immediately died down. Still, one soldier at the front of the pack had the gall to raise his hand- although at least he waited to speak until his commanding officer had acknowledged him. "Sir, I think we were all just wondering… What's with the new paint job? Not that the colours aren't gorgeous- they are- but… Was painting the training ground really necessary? And who did it? It wasn't like this Yesterday morning- I'd know, my squad was on cleaning duty." The young soldier sounded… nervous, like the sight of the paints meant something to him. Usopp frowned. Did that mean-?

Jackal-like eyes bored into the soldier's soul. "Yes, the paints were _absolutely_ necessary. And soon you'll see why. Your highness?"

Vivi stepped to the front of the box where all the soldiers could see her. "Are there any among you who are in the employ, willing or otherwise, of Baroque Works? If there are, raise your hands at once!"

A number of soldiers- including the one who'd questioned Chaka- raised their hands dumbly as the turquoise paint did its work. The green kept them from reacting as their fellows tied them up and put them off to one side- not that they did so with any rapidity, as the Calming Green was affecting them too. Lisa woke up for a few minutes, rubbing her eyes blearily as she examined the first results of her work.

"I should really develop a way to keep my paint from affecting friends," the little girl mumbled before going back to sleep. Ghin chuckled and rubbed her back.

Once the traitors had been subdued and were no longer a threat, the division below actually _did_ pursue standard training drills- if in a much more laid-back manner than they usually would have, due to the paint. Which meant that this would take a lot longer than outing the traitors in the rebel army would have, but… They couldn't afford for Baroque Works agents in other divisions to get suspicious, which they would if drills were repeatedly cut short.

Vivi sighed as she and the pirates watched the men move with perfect precision below. "One division down… The rest of the army to go."

Yes, this was going to take a while. And it certainly wasn't particularly glorious work. Part of Usopp wished he'd been on Team Turtle, heading off across the desert to infiltrate the casino and fight Crocodile; then he remembered that might entail actually _fighting Crocodile_ , which made him start shaking just thinking about it. No, most of him was quite happy here with the boring, monotonous tasks that gave him plenty of time to study military strategy and tinker with his ammo. He'd wait for opponents a little closer to his level before he insisted on being part of the combat team.

X

Like in canon, Toto gave us a small container of water from the Yuba oasis, as thanks for helping him dig it up. He and Wilson saw us off with a cheery wave as we headed out into the desert. As soon as my crew mates and I turned our faces to the horizon, though, I heard the old man begin muttering grumpily to his rock. "Come on Wilson, let's see if we have any tarps left. Need to cover up the oasis so it doesn't get buried again by the next _damn sandstorm_ to come along."

Wilson, of course, said nothing.

For some time I was lost in thought as we walked, going over the intricacies of Dugong Fu in my head and comparing them to the simple brutality of the technique Zoro had shown me. The mobile, rapid-strike style of the dugongs came much easier to me than the power-based Mutoryu: Tatsumaki- well, except for the spinning part. I was good at spinning. Ah, well, that just meant I needed more strength training to be able to use the technique properly.

So absorbed was I in my martial arts considerations, I nearly walked into Nami when the sailing master stopped to check something on the map. Only a bark from Doya alerted me to the fact that there was something in front of me. Rotating on the ball of one foot and swinging to the side, I overbalanced and fell on my ass as I tried to avoid stumbling and squishing Chopper. Neither of my furry passengers was too happy with the rough ride; the reindeer shot me a tired, reproachful look while the dugong barked loudly and swatted me on the head.

"Eheheheh… Sorry guys." I levered myself back to my feet- but not before Ruatha had time to jump from the sand up to my head, bringing my passenger count to three. Which was… getting kinda heavy, but they were all little, so it wasn't too bad. Thank the gods kung-fu dugongs were less than a fifth the size of their earthly counterparts.

Nami spared a glance at me and _giggled_. I frowned. "What's so funny?"

"Sorry Jones, it's just…" The sailing master covered her mouth and quickly brought herself under control. "You really need to see how funny you look right now. A reindeer in your arms, a dugong on your back, a dragon on your head like some sort of demented angel… You look like some sort of weird Christmas tree."

Okay, putting aside that a world where Christianity never developed would use the word _Christmas_ \- not forever, mind; someday I would find the answers to these questions- I shook my head. "Nah, I'd need more decorations for that. And don't anyone take that as a suggestion- I have enough for now."

Luffy looked mildly disappointed by my words, but quickly decided he'd rather ride on Ace's shoulders anyway. And of course, Ace let him. For all he was an aggressive hothead, he was such a softie. Once Nami had finished checking whatever it was on her map, we kept walking.

Which, like the day before had been, was _boring_. The desert was so monotonous, and so _hot_ … And then there was the sand- coarse, rough, irritating, and it got everywhere. And I mean _everywhere_. I swear I even had sand in my underpants, and under my bandages despite the care Chopper took when checking my wounds. Once this campaign was over, I never wanted to see another desert in my life. Luckily, I was pretty sure there weren't any more along our route.

Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself.

Let's see… I needed something to do while we walked, anything. Being bored was no good. Aha! Not sure if it would work, but it was worth a shot. Drifting to the side, I positioned myself by Sabo. It took a few minutes for me to get his attention- the Revolutionary was busy smiling at his brothers, which in turn made Ace turn red with embarrassment. Once Sabo _did_ finally notice me, though, I put on my best _Sensei, I have questions and you_ will _want to answer them_ face. Although… It rarely actually worked on black belts, so why I expected it to do anything to Sabo, I hadn't a clue.

"Hey, um, Sabo, would you be willing to teach the crew about Haki? I know you won't be with us long, so I don't expect to get very far, but just a bit? Please? Just to get us started?"

Blue eyes glanced down at me, considering. And, well… Suddenly, I realized this was the closest I'd ever been to Sabo, at least while he was awake. Mostly because it was the first time I got a good look at the eye on the burned side of his face- still functional, but perpetually a little bloodshot, and the iris was a greyer shade of blue than on his good eye. He probably had some vision loss, even if it wasn't much.

"Well," Sabo hummed, "You're nowhere near the New World, so I doubt you'll need it anytime soon. Although I suppose we could strike a deal- tell me how you know all the things you do, and I'll give the crew Haki lessons."

Tabarnak. _Of course_ he would ask that; I should've expected it. But… I couldn't let the butterflies totally loose yet. I hung my head, almost causing Ruatha to tumble off as he clung desperately to my hat and hair. "Sorry… I can't. Not yet. There's… a _thing_ that _needs_ to happen, and some of the things I've done might've already changed it; I can't take any more risks with it until we're _there_ , until it's _done_. There are… There are some things I can tell you, people who are smuggling and slaving, where changes to their lives wouldn't hurt my plan, but… Jaya. I can tell you everything after the crew leaves Jaya."

Sabo stared at me hard. "What's so special about Jaya?"

"There's…" How much could I tell him? I had to tell him _something_. Sighing heavily, I gave up. There was really only one way to do this. "There's a man on Jaya that Ace and I are both after. Or there's _supposed_ to be- I've already changed things, he might be somewhere else, looking for… for me." Here I felt the blood drain from my face, because… Osti d'épais de marde, if I'd set Whitebeard's entire crew on edge with my ad, that meant _Blackbeard knew about me!_ Tabarnak! "For White Lion, because of what I know. He's… He's a very bad man. Willing to kill his own crew mates, start wars, release murderers from the deepest depths of Impel Down- yes, I mean Floor Six- all in order to… to become king of the pirates. Not to mention how he'll hurt Ace and Luffy _personally_." Ultimate ASL distraction- the brother card. Hopefully it would work.

Blue eyes flashed briefly red. "Tell me more about this man," Sabo ordered. And this time, there was something in his voice I _couldn't_ disobey. Moreso even than the Sensei voice, or Ghin's mom voice, or Luffy's orders as captain. I don't _think_ it was Haki… My traitor mouth was open before I even noticed.

"His name's Marshall D Teach, also known as Blackbeard. For decades, he served under Whitebeard as a member of his crew, but recently attacked and seriously injured a crew mate in order to gain a particular Devil Fruit. Teach has gathered a crew of his own and is currently either searching for me or trying to find a way to get the World Government to accept him into the ranks of the Shichibukai, which will be much easier once we inevitably kick Crocodile's ass." I froze, my mouth snapping shut with a frown. "Hey- how'd you do that?!"

"Do what?" Sabo's eyes danced with mirth. I glared.

"You _made_ me answer a question you thought I might dance around! I couldn't stop myself!"

"Oh, that." Sabo shrugged. "Something I picked up from a friend- everyone has a specific tone of voice they respond to on instinct. It's different for each person, and it can be resisted pretty easily if you're prepared, but on someone who's not expecting it… Figuring _yours_ out was actually a bit of a challenge, more than most people I meet. Though," Here Sabo chuckled ruefully, "Whether I can actually make my voice _hit_ the right notes is another matter. And no, it's not something I could teach _you_. Some of your crew mates, maybe, but with what's left of your voice, I doubt you'd be able to hit many people's tones _at all_."

"Bene Gesserit witchcraft," I muttered good-naturedly. Sabo grinned.

"Shishishishishi! Like you have any right to talk about witchcraft!"

"Fair enough." Wait… I was a witch… in a desert… Did that make me a sandwich?

…

I know, I know, that pun was bad and I should feel bad. Shaking my head, I returned to the matter at hand. "Anywho, we're getting off track. So… Haki lessons? Please? It'll make it a lot easier for us to deal with Blackbeard if the crew has some idea how to use it; Ace and Luffy are less likely to be hurt, killed, or captured."

Sabo's face, voice… Everything went cold. Even standing almost a meter away, I could feel it. "Jones… I know you well enough that I know you wouldn't threaten my brothers, but in the future, please try to refrain from making it sound like you are."

"Sorry…" I cringed. Ruatha, indignant at Sabo's words, chirped up on my behalf.

"Terag reym!" My little dragon snapped at Sabo. The Revolutionary froze him with a glare and a word.

"Enough." Wow, that was a pretty good approximation of _my_ voice. Cowed, Ruatha curled up on my hat with a mournful chirp. Sabo smiled, the aura of coldness seeping away. He was still frowning though, concern and anger boiling below a tight lid. "So… I take it you have plans to fight this Blackbeard on Jaya? And that's why you don't want to tell me too much- you're worried that if too much changes from your… visions, or whatever, he won't be there."

"Exactly." I stared at the sand as my feet crunched over it. "I- between my knowledge and Ace's strength, I know we can do it. But the rest of the crew will probably want to be involved too, which means a fight. I'm sure we can _win_ , with what I have planned, but… Blackbeard is powerful. More powerful than he ever let on to Whitebeard's crew, and now he has the Dark-Dark Fruit… If it turns into a firefight, people will be hurt. Knowing how to use a bit of Haki can lessen that."

Sighing, Sabo took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. Replacing his hat, he shot me a smile that somehow meant _blood_ and _death_ \- but in a good way. "I'll try. No promises- Haki can take _years_ to learn effectively. But hey, maybe if you at least learn a little theory, it'll help."

"Thank you!" I beamed so brightly I wouldn't have been surprised if I spontaneously mutated and developed bioluminescent eyes like everyone else had. But I didn't. Stupid DNA… That actually would've been _cool_. Sabo nodded absently.

"Yeah… Just gimme a few minutes, alright? Gotta remember how Dragon described things when I was starting out… Go bug Ace or something 'til I'm ready." The Revolutionary was soon lost in thought.

"Okay!" Quite honestly, I was so high on the thought of learning Haki right then, I felt like a little kid. A little kid who just ate a bag of _chocolate covered espresso beans_. With ice cream. Was this what Luffy felt like all the time, high on adventure? I had no idea, but I loved it. Anyway, point is, I wasn't thinking clearly and quite gleefully took off to do as Sabo had said, even though he _hadn't_ been using the Voice at the time.

"Hey Ace! Sabo said to bug you!" I _skipped_ through the sand, kicking up little waves of it that hit Sanji in the back. The cook scowled at me, but otherwise didn't really react. Which was too bad… Maybe I should throw pinecones at him instead? But there were no pinecones here…

Stupid desert.

"We're bugging Ace?" Luffy perked up from where he was flopped on his brother's back. "Cool! What're we doing? I wanna bug Ace too!"

"Aaaaaand this is when you get to walk by yourself." Dumping Luffy unceremoniously on the sand, Ace started walking faster in the hopes that he could get between Zoro and Sanji and prevent us catching him. Silly Ace… There's no escape.

"Aww, come on! You're supposed to be my little brother now- captain's orders!" I continued skipping, thoughtful. "Hmm… Wait, if you're our brother, does that mean Whitebeard's our dad? But that means Dragon would be everyone's dad too, cuz of Sabo… Do I have three dads now?"

For me, who was always closest to my father, this was a very important question. Luffy seemed to like it too, as he bounced alongside me. His face turned red from the effort of thinking about it. Meanwhile Ace was very studiously trying- and failing- to ignore us. His efforts weren't helped by the rest of our crew mates.

"I've never had a father," Nami mused, "Although I suppose Genzo was pretty close. No… I think he counts. Guess that gives me three fathers too."

Zoro shrugged. "Two for me, as far as I know. Same for Johnny, I think, but Yosaku's got another one wandering around somewhere. And Ghin prob'ly only has two too. Usopp…"

"His dad's alive," I confirmed. "He has three. Don't know about Lisa though…"

"Doctor Hiriluk was my father," Chopper put in. "But he's gone now… Are Dragon and Whitebeard good fathers?"

Sanji looked like he was about to be ill. For a moment, my hyperness died down; I shifted Chopper to one arm so I could reach out and brush the cook's hand. "You have three fathers," I decided for him, "Dragon, Whitebeard, and _Zeff_."

The cook shot me a grateful look. With him thus reassured, I returned to being high on the idea of learning Haki _far_ too soon in the story. Finally, one shenanigan I'm _not_ complaining about, other me! Ace groaned as I resumed skipping at his side. "So, _little brother_ , wanna call Pops and tell him he just got… Three new daughters, eight- no, nine, Sabo- new sons, and a new family pet?"

"Are you drunk?" Ace demanded with another groan. I shook my head.

"Nope! Just _excited!_ Sabo's gonna teach us _Haki_ ; it's gonna be _fun!_ "

Ace's face suddenly lost all colour, going a pale sort of bluish white in between his freckles. That was kind of alarming; I was pretty sure you couldn't think- or _live_ , really- with no blood in your head. "I- You- Sabo's teaching a crew that includes _Luffy_ about _Haki_. I- No. That's a bad idea. Like, end of the world bad. Lu's nowhere _near_ responsible enough to use that kind of power."

"Well, too bad, cause Sabo said he'd teach us. Or, well, Busoshoku and Kenbunshoku at least; I don't think he _can_ teach Haoshoku. Which leaves that one up to _you_ , Acey, since Luffy kinda needs to learn." I grinned… not _evilly_ , more like chaotic neutrally, at the expression that took over Ace's face.

"Of _course_ he has it too…" Ace buried his face in his hands. "I really should be surprised, but I'm not. Not at _all_."

This was off topic. I frowned. "Not the point right now. Are you gonna call Pops or not?"

"Can't," Ace reminded me. "Forgot my den-den mushi."

"You can borrow mine." Fishing around in my utility belt with my free hand, I pulled out Samsung and offered it to Ace. Or… More like shoved it into his hands. Stunned, the freckled pirate looked like he was about to start dialing on reflex when he suddenly went- if possible- even _paler_.

"Shit! _Marco!_ " Ace began rapidly dialing a number, different than the one he'd been reflexively going for. "Dammit, he's gonna _kill_ me for forgetting to bring a snail!"

And what did Luffy get from that? "Marco? The chicken guy? Oh, so he's like your Ghin, right?"

Ace ignored his brother's inquiry, beginning to speak as soon as someone picked up the snail line. "Hi Marco! Look, I'm sorry I forgot a snail if you've been trying to call me- to be fair, I barely waited for Pops to give the order before I left, and it's a miracle I packed enough clean underwear. But I'm safe in Alabasta, so you don't need to worry!"

Samsung stared up at him in a perfect impersonation of Marco's unamused, slightly sleepy expression. "You're so lucky I can't be there right now, yoi. You deserve a good smacking. So, have you given any thought to what you'll do about White Lion when they show up? Remember, Pops said he wanted them captured _alive_."

"Eheh…" Ace shot a guilty look at my shoulders. "Um, about that… Turns out White Lion _isn't_ working with Teach. Actually… She says she wants him dead just as much as we do. And she didn't capture Lu; she's on his crew. He finally set out."

Marco took that news in stride like the New World veteran he was. "Oh. Some sort of Devil Fruit that lets her see the future?"

"Not exactly, but trust me, she's not lying about the things she knows… And she's loyal to my brother, so we don't have to worry about that. I'm… I'm actually staying with Lu's crew for a bit; Jones- er, that's White Lion's real name- knows some stuff about Teach." Ace cleared his throat. "So… How're things on your end?"

"Not good, yoi," Marco growled. "We lost his trail around Newfin Island. Haruta's asking the locals if they've seen anything, and Namur's scouting the seabed for signs, but no luck yet."

…

 _ **WHAT?!**_

Waste of water though it was, I opened my canteen and took a sip for the sole purpose of spitting it out, because _what?_ Marco, Haruta, and Namur were… _searching for Teach?_ That was the only conclusion my brain could come to. _Ace wasn't chasing vengeance on his own_. And then… "Wait- Ace, did you say you were coming after Teach _on orders from Whitebeard?_ He didn't try to stop you?"

"Well, as you obviously know, I would've come either way, but… yeah." Ace shrugged. "Sent me to Alabasta to intercept you for information- since he knew I would've come here anyways to make sure Lu was alright- while Marco, Haruta, and Namur went to track Blackbeard himself."

Samsung projected Marco's frown. "Ace, who's that, yoi?"

"That's White Lion."

I waved, even though I knew Marco couldn't see me through the snails. "Hi Marco! Name's Jones, witch of the Straw Hat pirates- and thanks to shenanigans, your new little sister." I looked up at Ace. "You really need to call Pops next and tell him. I'm sure he'll be delighted."

"Is she always this insane, yoi?" Marco sounded drily amused. Ace groaned.

"Not that I know her that well, but I don't think so. Or at least, not in this direction. She's just excited right now. Um… Remember the other brother I told you about- Sabo? The one I said had died? Turns out he's alive, and he's promised Lu's crew Haki lessons. Apparently."

Marco fell silent for a moment, digesting this. Then, right before he could begin talking again, Luffy bounded over and plucked Samsung from Ace's hand. "Hi! You're Ace's chicken guy, right?"

It was funny- even from a single twitch of a mollusc eye, I could perfectly imagine the expression Marco must be making just then. "I see why Shanks liked this one, yoi," the phoenix muttered. Luckily Luffy didn't hear that, otherwise he'd have gone on a tangent demanding to know everything Marco knew about Shanks. As it was, instead we got…

"I won't ask you to join my crew, cause I've already got a giant chicken. His name's Ghin- so cool, always ready for everything! - and I bet he's a much better chicken than you! He has to be, cause he's on my crew and I'm gonna be king of the pirates, so my crew mates are always the best at what they do!"

Samsung blinked slowly; even from however far away we were, I could feel the delicate ping of Marco's brain breaking. And then… "No way! Whitebeard will be king of the pirates! Maybe in a hundred years a rookie brat like you could challenge him, yoi, but I doubt it!"

"Yeah? Well, just watch me! With your face!" Luffy handed the snail back to Ace, who was staring at him, shell-shocked. And yes, that pun was intended. My captain looked inordinately pleased with himself. Me? I facepalmed.

"Captain, someone _needs_ to teach you how to properly insult somebody."

Zoro chuckled and ruffled Luffy's hair, taking pity on Ace and pulling the captain away so the freckled pirate could finish his snail call. Ace smiled gratefully… Until he realized he still had to deal with _me_. Grey eyes flicked towards Sanji, hoping the cook would save him. The cook considered this for a moment, then nodded and grabbed my shoulder. "Come on Jones, leave the shitty fireball alone to finish his call."

"Okay…" I nodded, causing Ruatha to rock back and forth. The dragon squawked and flared his wings, digging his claws into my hat. For the next… I don't know how many minutes, I skipped along beside Sanji, whistling a butchered version of Beethoven's Fifth.

Eventually, Ace tapped me on the shoulder and handed Samsung back. "Here; thanks. And no, I _didn't_ call Pops. Now's not the time."

Nodding again, I tucked my snail into my belt. We could always give Whitebeard the good news later, when we gave him the news about Blackbeard. Ace continued, his voice low. "I told Marco that you can lead us to Blackbeard- he said he'd check with Haruta and Namur, but that they'll probably want in on whatever you're planning. Whitebeard business, after all. He's _our_ problem."

Oh, that could be useful. _Recalculating_ … I smiled up at Ace, my brain already working on revisions in my plan, taking a group of Whitebeards into account. Of course, that was assuming Blackbeard was still in Jaya… I really hoped he was. A brief frown and shake of his head let me know that Ace found something about my smile disturbing.

A few minutes later, Sabo stepped to the front of the pack and began walking backwards in front of the rest of Team Turtle. "Alright, I've got it. Lesson time."

Luffy perked up, leaping onto Zoro's shoulders to get a better look at his brother. "Like when we were little? You're not gonna make me read big books again, are you?"

"No Lu." Sabo smiled. "This is gonna be something that'll help you and your crew fight, eventually. But yeah, at first, there's gonna be a lot of talking. So for those of you who can actually do it legibly, you might wanna right this down."

Before Sabo even finished saying it, I was pulling a small notebook out of my utility belt, along with one of my many, many pens. Nami and Sanji shot meaningful glances my way. Grinning, I pulled out more notebooks and pens and handed them over. When I offered some to Zoro and Luffy though, the pair made faces at me.

"Nu-uh. Writing's _boring_ ," Luffy huffed and stuck out his tongue. "And Zoro's writing looks like chicken footprints."

"Oi!" Zoro dumped Luffy in the sand- although really, everyone knew the captain was telling the truth. Pouting, the captain got up and began trudging along beside the bosun.

"Stingy!"

Sabo shot an indulgent look at his brother before shaking his head and clearing his throat. "Okay, let's get started. And Lu, please _try_ to pay attention- this could help you a lot. So, Haki… What we're going to be learning is basically weaponized willpower. There are two main varieties that we'll be trying to practice. The first is called Kenbunshoku Haki, the power of observation. It can be used to locate people, to sense their strength and emotions, and to determine what people are about to do."

Even Luffy and Zoro perked up at that. Well, to be fair, predicting the future and immunity to sneak attacks were bloody _awesome_ powers. Useful too. Nami, Sanji, and I began writing like mad as Sabo spoke. Although I was slightly disappointed that he didn't pull a Snape introduction to the lessons.

"Now, a lot of teachers will start by blindfolding you and attacking you with a stick, hitting you until you can sense them coming. I don't have a stick, but I do have a pipe, so we _can_ do that if you like." Sabo grinned. "Or we can try meditation if you like- some people prefer that method, even if it makes for slower learning."

Zoro smirked, quirking an eyebrow. "What about if we want to do both?"

"That's up to you," the Revolutionary informed him. "It might help you progress faster, or it might not. Good luck getting Lu to meditate though."

Doya pulled himself up higher on my shoulder to better listen to Sabo as the Revolutionary went on describing training techniques. "The hardest part of learning Kenbunshoku Haki, for me at least, was figuring out these instructions: expect what is unexpected; see what is unseeable. It's something you have to work out for yourself though; it won't help you awaken Haki if someone gives you the answer. The only tip I can give you on that one is not to become paranoid while pursuing it…"

X

The Rain Dinners casino was… _impressive_ was putting it mildly. A towering pyramid of gold and green casting its shadow over a small but bustling town. Atop the great building was a massive, shining statue of a chubby bananagator, grinning down at everyone in line of sight. The glare of the sun glaring off the statue combined with my glasses created lens flares like you'd see in a JJ Abrams movie- although I was the only one to see them. And really, they didn't fit well with the tone and image of coming over a rise to see a great, imposing building in Egyptian style; lens flares were more a sci-fi thing. They'd look great if I could recreate them somewhere else, maybe when we eventually met Vegapunk or Germa 66.

"So…" Sanji lit a cigarette and took a long drag. "What're we doing here and how do we do it?"

"We're here to kick Crocodile's ass, duh!" Luffy pumped a fist in the air. "That'll keep him from hurting Vivi's country any more!"

"Well, he'll be easy enough to find, at least." Sanji blew a smoke ring that perfectly encircled the golden bananagator from our perspective. "Not exactly a subtle man, is he?"

"Rich men don't need to be subtle." Wait… Was Nami drooling a little? She _was_. Zoro shook his head.

"Turning into a real burglar now? I thought you only stole from pirates."

"If he's one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea, he's a pirate," Nami pointed out. "And if he runs a casino, he's gotta be _loaded_. I don't suppose we have time to raid his safe while kicking his ass?"

"Actually… That might make a good distraction." My head was spinning from listening to Sabo's Haki lectures all morning. I shook it to clear my thoughts. "Crocodile is deep inside, in a place full of traps that's hard to find. And there's Baroque Works agents, guards, all through the casino and the town. If we split up, divide their focus…"

Everyone glanced at each other. "Is it really a good idea to split up before fighting a shitty warlord?" Sanji asked after a moment, deciding to be the voice of reason. Zoro shrugged.

"Luffy'll insist on fighting him alone even if we're all there," the bosun pointed out. "And if this gives us more money for supplies…"

"We _do_ run shorter than I'd like," Sanji grumbled.

Nami smiled. "So, we're agreed then? Luffy can go ahead and fight Crocodile, and _I_ can loot his casino for all it's worth! I bet there's a _tonne_ of gold and jewels to be found!" Her eyes turned into beri signs.

Nodding, Luffy grinned. "Sounds good to me! So who's going where?"

"I'll go with Nami," I volunteered. Fighting Crocodile didn't sound fun to me, nor did potentially ending up locked in a seastone cage should things go wrong. Which reminded me… "When you fight Crocodile, his weakness is water. It makes him stick together, turns him to mud."

Luffy opened his mouth, then closed it. "Not future information, so I can't be mad. Jones is too smart… Meh, I guess it's fine." My captain pouted. It kind of looked like he was planning on giving me a Fist of Love anyway, just because he could. Oh, he was going to love it when he learned Busoshoku Haki.

"I'm going with Luffy," Zoro said flatly. No one argued with him; he was much better suited to a combat mission than to a heist. Same with Ace; no one said anything on that account, but I think it was just assumed that the freckled pirate would go with his little brother.

Sabo hummed thoughtfully. "We should have a team on the outside too, in case we need a quick getaway or a secondary distraction."

"Are you volunteering?" Nami asked sweetly. The Revolutionary shook his head.

"Of course not. Crocodile has connections to the World Government; I'm going with you and Jones. While you're robbing him blind, I can raid his office for anything Dragon might be able to use."

"So that leaves me and Sanji outside," Chopper observed. Doya barked at him, leaving the doctor red with chagrin. "Oh, yes, and Doya of course. I can't believe I forgot."

"Rawp." The dugong climbed down off my back and sat in the sand. Chopper jumped free of my arm to join him. Neither animal looked to be enjoying the hot, dry air. I offered them my canteen; Doya motioned for Chopper to drink first, which the little reindeer did, though still leaving plenty for the dugong.

I put Ruatha down too. "You stay with Choppy. Walking in with a dragon on my head is the antithesis of stealth."

"Vopaaz…" My little dragonet pouted and hung his head. I patted him and preened his wings until he perked up.

When we started walking again, Ruatha climbed up on Sanji's shoulder. The cook frowned. "Hey, get down and walk yourself, shitty dragon. That's uncomfortable."

Drooping once more, my baby dropped back to the ground. He still kept close to Sanji, though, as we entered the town of Rainbase. Chopper and Doya followed the cook closely too; the whole party of them split off from the rest of us and positioned themselves in a city park. As we approached Rain Dinners itself, the rest of us split up as well. Ace, Luffy, and Zoro went ahead, wandering in without so much as a plan beyond "find Crocodile and kick his ass." Meanwhile, Nami led Sabo and I in a circuit around the casino as she squinted and seemed to measure something.

"Eleven windows on a side, meter and a half wide, meter in between…" The sailing master smiled and nodded to herself. "Alright, let's see what it looks like inside. That'll tell me where the safe is."

Actually entering the casino was… massively intimidating. I'd never been to one before, and there were so many people, so close… And then all the ringing, beeping, chiming of gambling machines, their mechanical noises loud and clear over the roar and shift of dozens of conversations going on at once. Not to mention the flashing lights of the slot machines and the visual den-den surveillance system. I instinctively moved closer to Nami, clutching at my necklace with one hand. The sailing master shot me an odd look, then shook her head. Reaching out, Nami grabbed my hand.

"Get ahold of yourself Jones," she whispered.

I growled. "Not panicking this time." Pulling my hand free, I stepped away. And… While the noise and the people _did_ bother me, I was _less_ afraid than I would have been, say, back in Loguetown.

Once again, Nami began leading Sabo and I in a circuit around the casino, muttering to herself. Measuring. She appeared to be making a map of the building in her head, comparing the inner dimensions to the outer… looking for secret rooms! She was making sure the measurements, the number of windows, everything added up. That was awesome… I opened my mouth to say so, only to be interrupted by Nami's sigh.

"Nothing on this floor… We'll need to go up. I guess it makes sense; any major safe would be in his office."

Sabo nodded. "The same with what I'd want. So… Where _is_ Crocodile's office?"

"No idea." And I couldn't remember where the room with the kairoseki cage was either. All I could be pretty sure of was that they _weren't_ the same room. Nami shook her head and smirked.

"Oh, that won't be hard to figure out. Let's just find a guard; after that… I'll show you." Of course, it looked like she thought she needed to show us how to find guards too. The sailing master marched to the back of the game room, where an ornate spiral staircase rose up between two bathrooms. A pair of guards stood at the base, one man and one woman. One of the unknown pairs of frontier agents, maybe? I had no way to tell.

Before we entered the guards' line of sight, Nami stopped and began fiddling with her clothes. "These robes are great for travelling, but _pathetic_ if you have to seduce a guard. I don't suppose you have some sewing scissors in all those pockets of yours, do you Jones?"

"Yeah…" I pulled them out and handed them over. "But we don't have time to do any sewing."

"Don't need to sew; just remove a few things." Nami quickly snipped and tied, turning her travel robes into something more like the dancer's costume that _hadn't_ been bought for her. Oops. Although… I eyed her new look with concern as she quickly tied her hair up into an elegantly mussed topknot.

"We still have to travel after, you know. You'll get burned."

"No I won't. Ace is made of fire; he doesn't actually _need_ his robes. I can borrow those."

That was… Not a point I could argue with. Shrugging, I kept my mouth shut as Nami handed me back my scissors. The sailing master pasted a sultry smile on her face and wandered out from the aisle in which we were hiding, walking up to the guards with an exaggerated sway in her step. And she was leaning forwards slightly too… _Oh_. I facepalmed when I understood what she was doing. A quick motion to Sabo indicated for him to go around to the side; if we split and formed a pincer, we could come at the guards from behind some potted plants before they could do anything to Nami. Hopefully before they had time to call any reinforcements too. Luckily, the Revolutionary got my message.

"Hi!" Nami said brightly as I crept around behind a potted fern. Her voice was pitched higher than usual, and unusually sweet. She swayed and twisted slightly as she addressed the guards, a motion that looked both nervously innocent and slightly seductive. "Could you two tell me where Sir Crocodile's office is? He asked me to meet him there for some _fun_."

The female guard snorted in derision. "Really? You expected us to fall for that? The man upstairs _never_ brings in female company."

"Not true," her partner said, shaking his head. "That woman in purple's in and out all the time- you know, the one with the cowboy hat?"

Nodding, the female guard folded her arms. "I stand corrected. That said, you heard the man. Sir Crocodile's pretty exclusive, and you're not his type. Too short, and he likes brunettes. And your clothes are a bit ratty too. Best go find someone else to fangirl ov- grk!"

That last sound was the noise she made when my arm snaked around her neck in a choke hold, Sabo mirroring my actions on her male counterpart. Long, bright red fingernails scrabbled at my arm; I ignored them. The scratches they raised weren't painful, nor did they bleed. I held the woman until she stopped struggling, unconscious, before propping her up on the fern's flowerpot. Across from me, Sabo did the same with the man. We were careful not to let them drop and make any suspicious noises, but even so, I was surprised that none of the casino's patrons seemed to notice our actions. One of the surveillance den-den was pointed our way though; _it_ might've seen.

Nami made a face as the three of us headed up the stairs. "I never thought I'd have to pull that kind of act again. Although… At least with you two here, they didn't get a chance to start getting handsy."

"Had some unpleasant marks, have you?" Sabo asked. Nami nodded; the Revolutionary winced sympathetically. "Sorry about that. Never happened to me, but I've heard lots about them from Koala growing up."

"It's alright," Nami told him absently as we got to the second floor. She immediately started examining the nearest door- unlike the main floor, the second was made of hallways and rooms instead of a big gaming hall. "None of them ever got _too_ far."

The first few rooms we checked were just storage closets and a washroom- nothing of value. But the fourth room as locked. Not that it stayed locked for very long. Immediately upon finding that the knob wouldn't turn, the sailing master pulled out her lock picks and got to work. She mumbled as she did, tongue sticking out in concentration. "Five tumblers… Springs all have the same tension though, a little loose… Used to be good quality, but it's been used so much that the metal's fatigued."

Tension… Tension was a force, and if locks worked by springs… If it was similar to the lock picking mechanic in _Oblivion_ … Oh, I had some _ideas_ now. The lock popped open after a minute under Nami's deft ministrations. Inside was a large, severe office- the only furnishings were a couple of plain, sturdy chairs, a bookshelf, and a heavy desk, all made of dark wood. On the shelf were a number of beautifully bound books. They all had pretty boring titles though- _The Economic History of Alabasta_ , _A Beginner's Guide to the Kingdoms of the World_ , _The Complete Guide to Inter-Island Law_ , and _How to Navigate the Courts of the Dragons_ , to name a few.

I immediately went for the desk, while Sabo examined the bookshelf and Nami measured the room. Most of the drawers were just full of office supplies… But one of them was locked. Rather than immediately call for Nami, I decided to try my idea- although I knew going in that it probably wasn't going to work. I was trying to play with a force I'd never manipulated before, after all. Placing a finger on the lock, I tried to imagine how it worked, where the springs were… And then to compress them all at once. "Hooke's Law."

There was a soft click… And then the front of the drawer exploded in my face. I blinked, my ears ringing as I thanked my glasses for protecting my eyes from flying splinters. Nami and Sabo paused in their own examinations to stare at me; the sailing master commenced the slowest of slow claps. "Congratulations Jones- now, what exactly were you trying to do?"

"Use my powers to pick the lock." Maybe if I practiced with something I could see first, got the hang of things… Well, the drawer was open now, even if it was about as subtle as a Michael Bay movie. I peered through the broken wood. Something was… _moving_ at the back of the drawer, quivering. Grabbing what was left of the front, I pulled it open.

Cowering at the back, terrified by my explosion, were three den-den mushi. One was a regular adult with a good quality rig attached to its brown and tan shell. The others were slightly smaller- and much more valuable. One black and one white. At first I was surprised, but… it made sense. Crocodile was the head of a secretive organization, so eavesdropping and preventing his own calls from being eavesdropped on were probably necessary. Certainly very useful. And with his money and his connection to the government, he was one of the people _most_ likely to have access to rare den-den outside of the marines.

I picked the snails up, cooing comfortingly. "It's okay little slimies. I'm not gonna hurt you. Sorry for blowing the front off your home."

None of them reacted as I patted them, nor as I picked them up. Poor things… Samsung usually wiggled around at least; often, if I took him out on the ship, he tried to squirm free and steal veggies. To not be acting like that, these three must be so scared… I wondered if it was just from what I'd done, or if Crocodile had been mean to them. Hard to say; not sure if he's the type to do anything to animals or not.

Nami huffed as she finished her measurements. "Well, there's definitely some sort of secret room behind this wall." She tapped lightly on the concrete. "We're missing about two meters in between here and the closet- the one with all the paper. The question is… How do we get in?"

"Ooh, secret doors. Sounds fun." I patted the brown and tan snail that was currently cowering on my left shoulder. The white snail perched on my right shoulder, while the little black one stuck to my wrist. Not that I should leave them there for very long- if I had to fight, they might get hurt. One by one, I herded the den-den mushi into my pockets.

Nodding, Nami began tapping and feeling the wall to see if the secret door was there. Sabo, meanwhile, hummed as he flipped through Crocodile's books. "Interesting… Not just a secret door, but secret codes too. This Crocodile's a suspicious fellow. It's not a code I know, though; I'll have to take them back to base for analysis."

"Probably has something to do with Baroque Works," I informed him absently. "Won't be very useful to the Revolution."

"Even so, I think I'll take them. He might've written down something pertaining to the government and his position as one of the Seven Warlords." So saying, the Revolutionary began pocketing most of Crocodile's books.

And yes, I was ignoring the whole bottomless pockets thing for the moment. Mine seemed to be doing it too now… But I couldn't figure out how to examine and test such things. _Yet_.

Nami shook her head at us. "Between Jones' _lock picking_ and your raiding the whole library, this is about the _least_ subtle burglary I've ever been a part of."

"Is subtlety really all that important?" I wondered. "I mean… Luffy, Zoro, and Ace are planning to outright fight Crocodile, and we're _technically_ supposed to be a distraction for any guards. It's not like no one's gonna know we're here." I waved at the office's surveillance den-den as I spoke. If only I could take some of _those_ for use in my plans… But I didn't know how to disconnect them from the system. Oh well, some other time.

"Oh, right." Nami shook her head, smiling ruefully. "Sorry; I got carried away. This reminded me of the old days, stealing from pirates… Although more _fun_ , without having to worry about home, and with people to watch my back. Well, in that case… Forget _looking_ for a secret door. Jones, get your butt over here!"

"Okay. Where do you want the rest of me?" My cheeky question earned me a groan and a ball of wadded-up fabric tossed at my head- the scraps from Nami altering her outfit. Grinning, I joined the sailing master at the wall. "Sorry… I can't help it; I love puns."

Nami frowned in confusion. "You didn't used to."

"Love puns? No, I always have. I'm just finally getting comfortable enough to joke around."

That actually made her freeze for a moment, smiling softly. Only a moment though; Nami quickly shook herself and came back to reality. "If we're abandoning subtlety, that means you can just blow the wall in, right? But try not to damage whatever's on the other side. You do _not_ want to know what I'll do to you if there's money in there and you manage to blow it up."

Her sudden scowl made chills run up my spine. I nodded and placed my hand on the wall. Let's see… Couldn't tell how thick it was, so I didn't know how much force I needed. That could make things difficult. But maybe if I combined a focus break with my powers, that would keep them from exploding too much? It was worth a shot. Resting my fingers on the wall, I took a deep breath to center myself before snapping my palm out, channeling a brief burst of force through it on impact. "Force Break!"

Concrete crumbled beneath my hand, sending up a small cloud of dust that set Nami and I to coughing. Note to self- in the future, pull bandanna up before breaking walls. A few seconds later, when I could see again, the first thing I noticed was the _door_ half a meter to my right- or what was left of it, at any rate. Wood that had been painted to perfectly match the surrounding concrete, now splintered and broken from the shockwave I'd produced. Nami, meanwhile, was looking in a different direction. The sailing master let out a soft squeal of delight as she rushed past me into the secret room we'd uncovered.

"Jones, I think this is the start of a wonderful partnership! Your powers may not be subtle, but they sure are _useful!_ " Nami's eyes were shining beri symbols as she gathered up coins and bills. I shook my head and went in to help- mostly because I knew Nami would change her tone in a heartbeat if I left any of the loot behind. Sabo watched us with a wry smirk.

"Aren't you forgetting something Jones?" the Revolutionary asked teasingly. "After all, just a few minutes ago, _you_ were insisting that we were supposed to be some sort of distraction, so the others could get to Crocodile without being intercepted. I still don't hear any alarms or see any guards; we haven't distracted anyone."

"Yeah, I know, just a minute." What was the point in having a surveillance den-den system if it seemed like no one was even watching it? _Idiots_. Exiting the money stash, I picked up a spring from the lock I'd blown up earlier and toyed with it absently as I looked around. Let's see, what could I break that would make a lot of noise… Windows? The staircase? No, if I went for that one, the guards we were supposed to be distracting might not be able to get at us. Or… Were there even that many guards to worry about? I didn't remember seeing many in canon, and no one had come after us yet… No. There _had_ to be guards. I just hadn't created an explosion big enough to draw their attention. Well, maybe someone would notice if I took out a supporting wall and part of the third floor caved in.

Finding a wall of structural importance was relatively easy. I smashed my fists together a few times to build up a fresh charge before pulling back into hikite. "Cover your ears," I warned my companions, "This might get loud."

And it _did_ \- but not because of me. Right before my fist made contact with the wall, something _erupted_ from the base of the building with a sound like a bomb going off. Glass and concrete flew everywhere; the people on the main floor began screaming and rushing out of the casino like a herd of panicked gazelles. Not that being outside was _safe_. As well as the initial shrapnel of the blast, the air was filled with swirling sand and fire, high winds and bits of molten glass. Two voices- one that howled like a windstorm, one that crackled like flame- growled incomprehensibly at each other. Far below, a sopping Zoro and Luffy emerged from the hole made by the initial explosion.

Dumbfounded, I stared at the swirling vortex of sand and fire that was rising beside the casino. I- Just- Nothing was computing. All plans had just gone sideways in the most colossal fashion. I couldn't even… The only thing I could think to do was point at the massive inferno while making a noise of strangled noise of… impressed, confused disbelief. Combined with just a hint of a whine as I found myself developing a bit of an inferiority complex. My elbow actually cracked with the force of my gesture.

"And how in the Nine Hells am I supposed to be more distracting than _that?!_ "

X

Sanji lit a cigarette with a huff. He was bored… And why had he agreed to let his darling Nami go in with only Sabo and Jones to protect her? He didn't know what the shithead in the top hat was capable of, and while the little witch was an okay fighter, she should really only be looking after herself. She wasn't good enough to fight while protecting dear Nami if something went wrong. Or _right_ , given that they were apparently supposed to be distracting the guards or something. Shit…

"I don't like this…"

Chopper glanced up at his words, muzzle wrinkling. Rather than ask what he was talking about though, the little reindeer shot the cook a reproachful look. "You know smoking is bad for your lungs, right?"

"Yeah, I know. The old geezer gave me the whole lecture when I started." Sanji blew a smoke ring as the memory flashed through his mind. That day… It had been the first anniversary of getting _out_. He couldn't stop thinking about _them_ ; one of the workers helping them build the _Baratie_ noticed he was down and offered him a cigarette. It would take his mind of the stress, the man said. Zeff had been so mad… He'd kicked the shipwright around for _hours_ before letting him get back to work.

Large brown eyes stared up at the cook. Chopper sighed. "Well, as long as you know…"

"Rawp! Raup!" For some reason, the shitty seal Jones had been carrying around felt like putting his two beri in. Sanji had no idea what it was saying. Chopper did though. The reindeer shook his head with a resigned sigh.

"No, I don't think there's a point right now. This crew's too stubborn; all I can do is treat things as they come and hope they change their minds on their own." The little doctor shrugged. "It could be worse. They seem pretty healthy, all things considered."

"Reepeep raup."

"Firok!" Ruatha screeched. The little dragon- which really wasn't so little anymore- lunged at the dugong. "Ni daar tinvaak do dii monah!"

Sanji grabbed the dragonet and hauled him back before he could bite the dugong. Frustrated, the cook blew a puff of smoke into the reptile's face, setting him coughing. "Just because your mum isn't here doesn't mean you get to misbehave, Shitty Lizard!" The cook gave Ruatha a good shake before setting the dragon down.

Watery blue eyes stared up at him; the dog-sized reptile whined. Unamused, the cook stared back. "No. It's time you started to listen to people besides your mum. You're a pirate; act like it. Otherwise she'll have to leave you behind _all the time_ , and that'd be _really_ shitty."

"Flogah…" Ruatha spat once and climbed up onto Sanji's back, sticking his long, forked tongue out at the shitty seal. The cook shook his head at the weight and the feeling of claws pricking through his clothes, but let it be. Ruatha wasn't hurting anything. His presence _was_ a bit distracting though. Down on the ground, the kung-fu dugong ignored the dragon's taunt and started meditating.

Sanji sighed. Well, if they were meant to be the extraction team, he may as well relax until Jones called for- shit. The cook slammed his palm into his forehead. Chopper looked up at him with concern. "What's wrong?"

"I don't have a shitty den-den; how're they gonna call if they need us?!"

"Tabarnak!" If they hadn't come with the same accent, Sanji would've thought Chopper and Jones were spending too much time together, since the little reindeer used the same shitty curses as the witch. Hmm… Wherever Jones came from must be her world's equivalent of Drum Kingdom; interesting thought. Sanji shook himself back to reality as Chopper turned into Heavy Point with a crunch.

"Oi, what're you doing?"

"They don't have a way to contact us!" The reindeer gestured wildly as he spoke. "What if they've been captured- or hurt?! We have to go in after them!"

"And then who'll get everyone _out_ if we're on the _in_ side, hmm?" Sanji shook his head. "No, we've gotta wait for a bit. Nami dear and Jones are pretty smart, at least; they'll figure out a way to signal us if they need help. I hope."

"But they're together! What if the ones who need help are Luffy, Zoro, and Ace?"

"Nah, those shitheads'll be fine. The shitty captain and the shitty ball of moss can take care of themselves, and the shitty fireball's even tougher."

"I guess…" Settling down, Chopper sat on the ground. He was fidgeting though, still worried. Sanji didn't know how else to reassure him.

Not much happened over the next few minutes. Doya continued to meditate and Chopper fidgeted, eventually starting to recite medical jargon to himself as some sort of coping mechanism. And Sanji learned that it wasn't just Jones' hat Ruatha went after; the dragonet seemed to enjoy chewing on blond hair as well. No matter how many times he slapped the dragon's muzzle, the cook just couldn't get him to stop.

Then a series of shouts went up from a nearby group of pedestrians. "Hey! Are those the pirates Mr Three told us about last night?"

"Huh? Where're you looking? What makes you think that?"

"There's a blond one with a dragon!"

"I told you last night, Miko, there's no such thing as dra- _holy shit!_ That must be them! Get them! For Mr Three!"

"For Baroque Works!"

"For me mum!"

"For spoon!"

"Oh, shut up Terry! We hired you for your fists, not your brains!"

"Spoon!"

In the next instant, the extraction team found themselves being rushed by two dozen energetic, mismatched men, all of them armed. Well, except for one towering fighter with fists the size for turkeys and a spoon dangling from a chain around his neck. Sanji huffed and jumped out of the way as three maces crashed into the ground where he'd just been standing. These low-level Baroque Works agents never learned, did they? Just like at Whiskey Peak…

"Collier Shoot! Épaule! Côtelette! Selle!" Jumping up, Sanji kicked one opponent in the neck. A quick turn as he came down left him in position to bring a foot down _hard_ on the next agent's shoulder. From there, he flipped back onto his hands, kicking a third agent in the ribs before spinning to get a fourth in the lower back. Then he levered himself up, snapping a fast kick at the fifth agent's sternum as he did so. "Poitir- grk!"

The cook's last technique was interrupted by a tail wrapping around his neck in panic. Fuck, how did Jones fight like this?! Sanji jumped sideways and back, out of the way of several painful looking strikes as he tried to peel Ruatha off his shoulders. Preferably without drawing any blood- those claws looked sharp.

"Shitty dragon! What was that for?!"

"Zofaas!" The dragonet squirmed and hissed as Sanji tossed him onto the ground. The cook huffed.

"Look, I don't have time to deal with you. Just stay outta the way and try not to get killed."

Luckily, Sanji wasn't alone, so taking a brief second to yell at the flying reptile didn't get him stabbed. Instead, he looked up to see Chopper smash two agents into each other before delivering a heavy punch to the face of a third. Cartilage crunched as the man's nose broke. "Heavy Gong!"

And despite being on land, the shitty seal didn't seem to be doing too badly either. Doya kept bouncing around, hitting what Sanji knew to be _painful_ pressure points with each jab of his little flippers. The marine mammal was surprisingly mobile for not having legs. Each strike was accompanied by a soft grunt- except the tail kick to the lower back that seemed to end each set. The cries for that were much louder. "Rau-pu!"

"Fus! Roh Dah!" Well shit, the shitty dragon could fight too. Ruatha jumped past Sanji as the cook kneed a Baroque Works agent in the stomach, firing wads of sticky saliva at several men. He got each one in the face; not bad aim. When he landed, the dragonet came down full force on the chest of a small man with a bo staff, grabbing the weapon in his teeth and trying to pull it away. Well then… Sanji huffed, unable to tell _why_ Ruatha had tried to choke him if it wasn't the battle he was scared of.

All in all, their attackers were defeated in short order. As soon as all the Baroque Works agents were unconscious, Chopper popped back into Brain Point, wringing his hooves. "Sorry, sorry… But, you really shouldn't have attacked us, you know?"

"Don't apologize to them," Sanji told the little doctor, "The brought it on themselves."

Chopper sighed. "I know… I'm just… I'm a doctor. When I started training, I took an oath to _protect_ life- I know I didn't do anything permanent, but it still feels… Wrong. But if I'm a pirate, there's times when I _have_ to fight…"

The cook reached out and patted the reindeer's head. "You'll figure it out. Just do whatever feels right; if you don't wanna fight, you don't have to. We'll protect you."

"But I can't-!" Chopper shook his head. "I _have_ to be able to do this myself- I want to be able to protect everyone too. I guess… As long as I never do anything too permanent, that's probably okay… right?" The little reindeer trailed off, deep in thought. Sanji left him to it.

First priority, as far as the cook was concerned, was contacting the groups inside. A quick search informed him that three of the agents had been carrying den-den mushi; Sanji confiscated these for the crew. If they were going to keep splitting up like this, they needed a way to contact the others. Now… What was Jones' snail number again? Something with lots of sevens… The cook huffed as he started punching something in, hoping he'd guessed right.

Before he could finish, though, the side of the casino _exploded_. Glass and concrete flew through the air; a swirling vortex of sand and fire poured out and began to fill the sky. Screaming people rushed out the doors in a colourful stampede, scrambling every which way. At the base of the explosion, Sanji caught a glimpse of red and green, a flash of silver blades and golden straw. He shook his head and pocketed the snails he'd been fiddling with, tapping Chopper on the shoulder.

"Sorry, but we've got a shitty job to do. You'll have to finish philosophizing later." So saying, Sanji hefted Doya onto his back and ran towards his captain and the shitty ball of moss. Chopper popped into Walk Point and cantered along beside him. Behind them, Ruatha screeched with indignation; claws clicking against concrete and stone indicated that the dragon was following.

The formerly blue sky was quickly turning orange. Somewhere under the roar of wind and crackling flame, Sanji swore he heard voices. They were too quiet to be sure what they were saying though. Still, as the fire and sand began to tear holes in nearby buildings, there was really only one person Sanji could think of who could be responsible- although somehow, he'd never imagined the shitty fireball was quite this _powerful_. Looking up at the unnatural storm, there was really only one thing the cook could think.

"Well _shit_."

X

Luffy took the lead as he, Ace, and Zoro ran through the casino. A lot of people in fancy clothes shouted at them as they went past, but he ignored them. Well, except to grin as he ran. This reminded him of dine and dashing with his brothers when they were kids, with all the nobles and rich merchants yelling as they ran through the city. The only way it could be better was if Sabo was with them! But he was off doing sneaky ninja spy stuff with Jones and Nami, so Zoro would have to do instead.

Staring hard at his bosun, Luffy wondered what the swordsman would look like with blond hair and a top hat. Probably very silly.

Three men- a blond, a brunet, and a redhead, all in black suits- stepped in front of him as he raced for the stairs. The brunet cleared his throat and held out a hand. "Halt! You can't go in there! That's for guest onl-!"

"Outta the way! I'm here to kick Crocodile's ass!" Luffy slammed his foot into the brunet's face when the man didn't move. On either side of him, Ace ran down the redhead and Zoro crashed through the blond. The bosun didn't even bother drawing his weapons. As they continued up the stairs, Luffy heard someone shouting for a medic and the backup security.

Somehow- Luffy wasn't exactly sure how, he hadn't been paying attention- he, Ace, and Zoro ended up in a long hallway with no windows somewhere up on the fourth floor. It probably had something to do with quantum mechs. And no sign of Crocodile… It was hard to kick someone's ass when you couldn't find them. Maybe he should've asked Jones for a map? But no, that would've been spoilers.

"Lu, watch where you're going!" Ace's shout brought him out of hit thoughts an instant before he smashed flat into a wall. Peeling himself free, the rubber boy shook his head and looked around. There were two hallways, one going right, one going left. The wall he'd run into had a sign posted on it, a red arrow pointing down the right hall.

"Which way to Crocodile?" Luffy scowled at the hallways. How dare they be so confusing? He needed to kick Crocodile's ass and save Vivi's country! He couldn't do that if he couldn't _find_ Crocodile! Thinking hard, the rubber boy felt his face heat up. Let's see… Jones said Crocodile was smart and this place was full of traps, so the arrow must be a trap. Maybe it was pointing _opposite_ where they needed to go, to keep them from getting to Crocodile! But… Luffy knew he wasn't very smart, and if Crocodile was… Was that the trick? Maybe the arrow was pointing _at_ Crocodile, hoping to make people suspicious and go the wrong way.

…

This thinking thing was hard.

"I bet the arrow's a trap," Zoro pointed out. The swordsman pointed in the opposite direction. "We should go that way- Crocodile probably expects us to follow the arrow and get lost or something."

"Okay! Let's go!" Luffy took off in the direction the arrow was pointing, forcing Ace and Zoro to run after him. The bosun growled something under his breath- it might've been an insult, but Luffy wasn't paying enough attention to tell. Ace, meanwhile, was just confused.

"Hey, Lu, why'd you go this way? Zoro had a point." Oh dear. Poor Ace had been drawn in. Luffy shook his head at his brother's question.

"Nu-uh. Zoro gets lost _all_ the time. If he thinks we need to go that way, it _has_ to be wrong, so we'll go this way instead."

No sooner had he said that, though, than the floor suddenly opened up beneath them. Luffy tumbled head over heels down a long, long shaft made of some sort of blue stone. It was very smooth- and _hard_ too. He couldn't get a grip on it to slow himself down at all. A few seconds later, the rubber boy tumbled into a cage of some sort, his bosun and his oldest brother landing heavily on his back. Above them, a metal hatch clanged shut.

The room outside the cage shone royal blue, an odd, gleaming stone veined with white. Some walls were glass though; Luffy figured that out when he saw an alligator swim past. Aw, it had a little banana growing out of its head; cool! Jones would probably think it was cute and try to ride it. So maybe he better not show her then; alligators were tasty and dangerous. He should just hunt it down and bring it back to the ship dead. Then instead of Jones getting herself eaten trying to ride the gator, _they_ could eat _it_.

Zoro thumped his captain in the head before standing up. "Idiot! I told you, the arrow was a trap!"

"But Zoro _always_ goes the wrong way," Luffy pouted. "How was I s'posed to know you'd be _right_ for once?"

"You little-!" Zoro glared bright red, his hands twitching like he was thinking about strangling someone. Luffy waved his bosun off, bouncing to his feet with a smile.

"Maa, besides, it's fine. We're just in a cage; we can break out." Zoro's frown at that meant the bosun thought Luffy had forgotten what happened when he got trapped in a cage in Orange Town. Silly Zoro… Luffy would never forget that. It was an important part of how they met Nami! Besides, this cage was _completely_ different. It was big, so he could move around, get lots of leverage to bend the bars. Grabbing two of the bars, Luffy prepared to pull them apart- and then promptly felt all his strength drain from him as if he'd fallen into the ocean. Releasing the bars, the rubber boy slid to the floor with a groan.

"Ergh… Who made a cage out of ocean?"

"It's called seastone," Ace said. Luffy's brother was perched on a bench on one side of the cage, the only furniture to be seen. "Or kairoseki, depending where you are. Hell, I've even heard sea-prism stone and cherry stone. Whatever. I guess this early in Paradise, it's not something you'd see very often. Mostly it's the marines who have it; getting it on the black market's expensive."

Shaking his head, Zoro felt the bars. "So… this stuff's a magic rock that keeps you and Luffy from using your powers? Guess it's up to me then." The bosun drew his swords, clamping _Wado Ichimonji_ between his teeth. "Oni Giri!"

There was a tremendous clang and scrape of metal; Luffy pulled his hat down over his ears. That hurt! When he released his headgear and looked up, though, there was- nothing. No change. Zoro hadn't been able to cut the seastone. The swordsman glared at the cage bars, as if they'd personally offended him.

"Shoulda waited for me to finish," Ace drawled from the bench. Zoro turned to glare at him.

"I thought you _were_."

"Nope." Hopping down, Ace strode over to the swordsman, stopping just short of the bars Zoro had been trying to cut. "Now, seastone is as hard as diamond, so it's _really_ hard to cut. Smashing's a bit easier, since most hard stuff's kinda brittle, but I don't think either of you have a good club or anything here."

One of Zoro's eyes twitched. "Wait… You're saying I could've broken it with a _blunt_ weapon?"

"Maybe." Ace shrugged. "I've seen people do it. Me personally? I prefer a different way of dealing with it. Doesn't work on handcuffs- at least, not if I'm wearing 'em- but for something like this, where I don't have to touch the stuff… Hang on. It's about to get hot in here."

Luffy automatically scrambled for the opposite side of the cage. Ace hadn't warned him of things very often when they were little, so if he was giving them a heads-up, this was gonna be _bad_. Or _good_ , depending how you looked at it. Zoro hesitated for a moment before following his captain.

Ace took a step back, away from the bars, and held out his arm. "Heat Haze!" A steady stream of fire poured out of his hand. For a minute, nothing happened. Then, slowly, the seastone began to glow.

Red, orange, yellow- _white_. Soon it was shining too bright to look at. Luffy tried anyway, squinting at the burning metal in front of his brother. Molten bits dripped to the floor, each landing with an echoing plop and hiss. The bars themselves were deforming, slowly bending and drooping and pulling apart, making an oddly shaped, _blazing_ hole. Luffy felt his eyes begin to shine. So cool! Ace had such an awesome Devil Fruit!

It took about half an hour for Ace to melt a hole big enough for them to walk through. At last, though, it was done. The freckled pirate led the way through, grinning. "Watch your step Lu. The melted bits'll be hot for a while still."

Nodding, Luffy followed his brother through, being _very_ careful not to touch anything. Or to let anything touch his hat. Zoro brought up the rear. The three were just about to head out and resume their search when the door they were heading for creaked open. In stepped a tall man with a stitched face- and a hook for a hand! So cool! - and the woman who'd appeared on the _Going Merry_ after they left Whiskey Peak. Luffy frowned at the sight of her. She was… she was one of the Baroque Works guys, working for Crocodile, but at the same time…

At the same time, when she'd appeared on their ship, Jones had acted like she was a friend. Not completely- there had still been an element of threat, and the strange woman had _touched his hat_ \- but something about the way they talked seemed _easier_. Jones had smiled, had _joked_ , had made this woman _laugh_ \- and this was when his witch was just _starting_ to open up, still dark with anxiety. So… What was so important about this woman that Jones would laugh with her, even while being threatened? Important enough that it had been like-

 _Like watching Jones interact with other members of the crew._

This strange tall woman who wore cowboy hats and purple, she was one of his. _That_ was the only explanation. Luffy was torn between pouting and elation, unable to decide whether he was happy to be getting another friend, upset with Jones for accidentally spilling future things, proud of himself for figuring it out, or upset that his future crew mate was hurting Vivi's country. Shrugging, the rubber boy put that thought aside for now. He could figure it out later, once he'd kicked Crocodile's ass. The woman said she didn't like destroying countries, after all, and there was something else she was trying to do instead. Maybe that would help him figure things out.

Besides, the man with the hook hand was more important right now, staring down at them like they were bugs. Something about his face really annoyed Luffy. Or maybe it was the obnoxiously orange sweater vest. Seriously, that thing was brighter than Ace's hat! Luffy sighed and wondered if he'd been spending too much time with Lisa. He'd never noticed ugly colours before.

"Well… You brats think you can escape, do you?" The hook man lit an impressively large cigar. Luffy sneezed at the smell; it was _far_ worse than Sanji's cigarettes. Still…

" _Think?_ Dummy. We already _did_. Are you blind?" Luffy pointed back at the hole Ace had melted in the cage. Maybe the hook man couldn't see it from that far away?

A soft snap. The hook man had bitten through his cigar. Okay, guess he didn't like being called dummy. Or he was sensitive about his vision problems. Luffy really couldn't tell. "You _brats_ ," the man's voice was dangerously low, "have _no idea_ what you're getting into. Who are you and why are you invading my casino?"

"We're here to save Alabasta and kick Crocodile's ass," Luffy informed the scarred man. "Do you know where he is?"

Eye twitch. _Someone_ was getting annoyed. "I _am_ Crocodile."

The purple woman- Miss All Sunday, that's what she called herself last time- chuckled. It wasn't a real laugh though, Luffy could tell. Apparently Crocodile couldn't though, since he immediately rounded on her with a glare.

"What's so funny, Miss All Sunday?"

"Oh, their ignorance simply amuses me," she replied smoothly.

"Well, their ignorance will be their downfall. Worthless rookies." Turning back, Crocodile suddenly paused, eyes narrowing. "Wait… You're not all rookies, are you? Those tattoos, that hat… Fire Fist Ace. You're one of Whitebeard's brats."

"Yeah, so? What of it?"

A cruel grin spread across Crocodile's face; he removed the fur-collared coat that had been hanging off his shoulders, tossing it to the ground. "Just wondering… How do you think that worthless old man will react if I send him the head of one of his pathetic sons?"

Ace's face quickly turned dark, his hat casting a threatening shadow over his eyes. "What did you call Pops?"

"Whitebeard? I said he's a worthless old man. Stupid too. Prioritizing family above all else when he's in a position to easily gain so much power and wealth… I think I'll send him a little _heads up_ that I'm coming, courtesy of you, before I go take _his_ head. It's been years… _This time_ he won't get so lucky." Sand began to swirl around Crocodile's healthy arm. Or rather, his arm seemed to be dissolving into sand. Cool. He must have a Devil Fruit.

 _Pat._ Ace began to walk slowly towards Crocodile, one hand on the knife at his hip. His footsteps echoed off blue stone. "Never." _Pat._ "Insult." _Pat._ "Pops." _Pat._ "In front." _Pat._ "Of me."

Crocodile smiled. "Oh really? And how's a worthless brat like yourself going to stop me?"

Rather than answering with words, Ace turned into a column of flame. Flying at Crocodile, Luffy's brother let out a battle cry. "Fire Fist!" A huge hand-shaped fire shot out of the main column, punching out at Crocodile before Ace crashed into the older pirate.

Wind swirled around, firing drops of superheated sand everywhere as Crocodile used his powers to whip the majority of Ace's flames away. Turning back into human form, Ace skidded across the floor with a growl. Crocodile sneered. "Too predictable. All the old man's dogs always act the same- can't deal with it when someone insults their _master_."

" _Father_ ," Ace hissed. He lunged at Crocodile again- just as the older pirate turned into a swirling vortex of sand.

"Kuhahahahaha! Maybe I should take you all out at once," Crocodile laughed. Miss All Sunday stepped back, closing the door behind her. The lock clicked shut. "It'll be three times faster, and I'm on a schedule. Countries don't take over themselves, you know."

Crocodile's hook flew out of the swirling cloud of sand- at _Zoro_. The swordsman barely managed to block. Swinging his blades through the sand in retaliation netted no result, however. Luffy glowered and charged in as Ace lit up again. _No one_ touched his family! "Gum-Gum Pistol!"

Sand blew apart around his fist, flowing back together as his punch snapped back. Crocodile snorted at him, barely deigned to look at him. Luffy growled; just because he wasn't as old as Ace didn't mean he could be ignored! But Crocodile didn't bother to fight the rubber captain. Instead, the sand pirate flung the storm of his powers primarily at Ace, leaving only a bare minimum of sand to sting Luffy and Zoro.

A bare minimum of sand- and the flying hook it was connected to.

Said hook swiped at Luffy's head, the golden metal flashing green with the reflection of blue stone. There was a tremendous clang as Zoro darted in to block the flying weapon. Using his bosun as a springboard, Luffy launched himself into the air and kicked the hook down, slamming it into the floor. Seconds later, though, the hook rose again, a stream of sand controlling it like a puppet. A quick flick sent the tip of the hook stabbing into Luffy's side, accompanied by a burning pain. The rubber captain hissed, falling to his knees for a moment.

Before he could regain his feet, the room heated up like an oven. Formerly blue light was overtaken by orange. This time Ace didn't turn into a column of fire- he was an outright _fireball_ , a raging _inferno_ as he rushed into the sandstorm that was Crocodile. "First you insult Pops, now you're hurting Lu? _YOU'RE DEAD!_ "

Luffy actually had to cover his eyes for a moment, the fire got so bright. And there were little flecks of some bright gold liquid- melted sand. Just after closing his eyes, Luffy heard a loud noise, like shattering stone and concrete. Wind swirled past, hot and howling. Then the light and heat moved away, allowing Luffy to open his eyes again.

Zoro offered him a hand, but Luffy shook his head. Wincing, the rubber captain forced himself to his feet; the hole in his side didn't appreciate the motion. His bosun pulled out some bandages with a shake of his head, wrapping the wound quickly as the pair made their way to the hole that had appeared in one of the walls. "Looks like your brother's gonna take your fight."

"Yeah…" Luffy frowned. "He's _really_ mad… Haven't seen him like this since we thought Sabo died."

Emerging from the hole in the wall, Luffy and Zoro stared up at the blazing storm forming overhead. Orange, red, and gold lit up the afternoon sky. In other parts of town, people were screaming at the sight, and Luffy didn't blame them. Molten glass was starting to fall down like rain as winds rose high enough to rip the leaves off nearby palm trees- or at least, those leaves that weren't already being incinerated. And if it got too much bigger, it would cover the city. The firestorm already overshadowed- overlit? - most of the casino.

For the first time in a long, long time, Luffy was a little afraid of his brother.

Sanji, Chopper, and Ruatha came running up from a nearby city park, Doya hanging off the cook's back. Skidding to a halt beside Luffy, Sanji stared up at the inferno. " _Shit!_ What happened?!"

"Crocodile insulted Ace's captain, then Luffy got hurt," Zoro told the newcomers. "The fireball didn't take it well and stole the fight."

"Shit." Sanji squinted up at the firestorm. "Rubber brain, your brother has _issues_. And I thought what he did to Jones was bad."

Luffy really couldn't argue with that. Ace _did_ have issues. A few drops of falling molten sand splattered along Luffy's arm, making him wince. The inferno was growing larger. Under the wind and the crackle of flames, Luffy heard Ace snarling something in Spanish. It was too muddled for him to pick out though.

A small explosion sounded from the casino, a couple floors up. Sabo and Jones dropped down a moment later, Nami clinging to Sabo's back. While Sabo landed lightly, trying to minimize shock to his passenger, Luffy's witch came down with a thunderous noise, her bent knees and her powers absorbing just enough force to keep her from hurting herself while her fist thudded into the ground. Despite the shell-shocked expression she wore, Jones snorted with laughter and flashed a quick grin at something off to one side as she stood. "Heh. Superhero landing."

Sabo looked up at the flying inferno and shook his head. "Ace's gotten even worse since I left home, hasn't he? Well, we need to get this to stop before it spreads to the rest of the city. Ideas? Wait- Lu, didn't you say _you_ wanted to kick Crocodile's ass?"

Luffy nodded without taking his eyes off the burning spectacle above. "Yeah, but Ace got him first. Crocodile said something bad about his captain. Then he flipped."

"So you're saying he _won't_ settle down if you remind him you have dibs?"

"Yep." The rubber boy frowned. "Or… nope? Sabo's making my head hurt- ask clearly!"

"I don't think Ace'll stand down," Zoro clarified. "But you're right; we need to stop this sandstorm. Nami? You're the one who knows weather."

The sailing master nodded mutely. Her eyes were closed as she rubbed her temples. "I'm thinking, I'm thinking! What we need is a lot of _water_ though, and we're in the middle of a desert. Ouch!" Nami's eyes flew open; she flicked a drop of molten sand off her hand and blew on the resulting burn.

Beside her, Jones grinned. "I think I have just the thing. Zoro, that hole you guys came out of leads to a room where some of the walls and stuff are aquariums that're full of bananagators, right?"

"Yeah…"

A mad grin crossed Jones' face, showing a few too many teeth. "Well, there you have it Nami. We've got loads of water."

X

When Crocodile called him pathetic, Ace had barely batted an eye. When the Warlord had repeatedly badmouthed Pops, the freckled pirate felt his blood heat up as his vision took on a tint of red. When Crocodile's hook _stabbed Luffy_ , Ace lost it completely, because that was his _little brother you bastard!_ Red turned to white; the freckled pirate could barely see as he threw himself at the man who had hurt his brother. Not that there was anything for him to hit, really. The other logia turned to sand right before impact, becoming a swirling storm that tried to cut through Ace's defenses.

If Ace had been thinking, he would've used Busoshoku Haki to grab hold of Crocodile and keep him from dispersing. But Ace wasn't very good at thinking when he was angry.

As Crocodile's elemental form expanded, Ace allowed his own to do the same. No way was he letting the Warlord get past him to stab Luffy again! He'd promised Sabo he'd look after their little brother… Their treasure. Just because Sabo was alive didn't change that.

 _"Stay away from my little brother!"_

A semi-solid leg snaked through the haze of heat and sand, aiming for Ace's ribs- or at least, where they would've been had he remained solid. But he didn't; he was living fire, burning all that came within his reach. Hotter, hotter… Ace let his anger take over, fueling his flames, guiding them towards their target. He didn't bother naming his techniques the way he usually would have. This wasn't a technique.

Besides, Ace was too busy cursing Crocodile under his breath to name his attacks. "Que te folle un pez, lamecharcos!"

"Only hotheads and fools waste their breath yelling insults in the middle of a fight." Crocodile's voice came from somewhere behind him. Ace spun in the air, sending out a fresh wave of flames.

"Hijo de las mil putas! Te doy una hostia que tuvisto de torero!"

The swirling winds of Crocodile's sandstorm made striking the other logia difficult. His flames kept getting forced upward and around. But a sand logia could only control sand, not the wind itself, so if Ace could take away the sand… He heated up more, until the sand began to melt and fuse, making it harder for Crocodile to control it. The shards of glass thus created were oddly beautiful- and many of them were very sharp.

"Heh. You've got quite the foul mouth on you." This time Crocodile's voice came from below. Ace shot a column of fire downwards, but hit nothing. The older logia had already moved.

A blast of sand raked across Ace's face- the part of himself he had to keep somewhat tangible in order to look for his opponent. The freckled pirate coughed and spat. The sandblasting didn't hurt much, but it left blood dripping from his cheek and forehead from where patches of skin had been blasted away. It got in his eyes and made vision difficult. Breathing was also hard; Ace kept inhaling sand that abraded the inside of his nose. Soon that was bleeding too.

"You're too inexperienced to fight me, brat."

Once again, a semi-solid leg emerged from the swirl of sand and flame, this time aimed at Ace's head. The freckled pirate countered by solidifying his arm, blocking the kick. Before he could heat up enough to fuse Crocodile's leg, though, the sand logia had scattered to the wind again. Ace growled. "Vete a freír espárragos!"

No response. Instead, sand swirled around Ace's head, trying to abrade his eyes. The freckled pirate was forced to go completely intangible to avoid being blinded. He spun around as he did so, sending out a wave of fire in all directions in an attempt to hit Crocodile. Nothing came of it though- no grunts of pain, no feeling of having hit something. Ace growled and spun again, sending out wave after wave of flames.

X

"This is a _bad_ idea," I informed Nami as Sanji jumped down into the bananagator room. The sailing master scowled at me.

"Do you have a better one?"

"No. I just feel the need to point out that any plan which requires me to perform large-scale manipulation of a force I've never even _tried_ controlling before is a bad idea. What if I can't do it?"

"You _can_. And it's not like you have to do it alone," Nami reminded me, spinning her _Clima-Tact_. "I just… I can't do something that big on my own. Not when I'm not even used to using this thing yet."

"Okay…" I sighed and started focusing on the air around me, praying to Perkunas, warlord of storms and the sky, that this would work. Inspirational music, go! _Pressure! Pushing down on me! Pressing down on you! No man asked for! Under pressure that brings a building down! Splits a family in two! Puts people on streets!_

And no, as far as I knew, we didn't have a plan B.

Zoro stepped into position beside the hole in the wall. His bandanna was tied on tight; all three swords were drawn. He nodded sharply. "Ready whenever you are, Shit Cook."

"Yeah, yeah, keep your shirt on Shitty Mossball," Sanji shouted back, "I'm almost there!"

Chopper fidgeted nervously off to one side. "Um… Nami, what can I do? I wanna help too."

"Um…" The sailing master thought for a moment before shaking her head. "There's nothing left here, so maybe… You and Ruatha head out and warn everyone in case this doesn't work. Make sure there's no one on the streets, that everyone's inside- preferably in a basement, if they have one. Or get them out of town if you can. Actually, even if this _does_ work, that might be a good idea."

Nodding, Chopper popped into Walk Point and took off, cantering through the streets. My dragon followed shortly after, squawking and screeching the whole way. Well, at least people would run away from the demented reptile. Hopefully to safety. After a moment, Doya bounced off as well, flopping along on his flippers to check a nearby park. Luffy stared after them, considering whether or not it would be more fun to run off and join the evacuation effort, but he couldn't. He had to stick around to finish off Crocodile once the rest of the plan had gone off.

Smash. _Smash._ _ **SMASH!**_ Three kicks sounded in quick succession from Crocodile's basement. They were followed by the rush of water, by scrambling footsteps and snapping jaws as Sanji rushed out and the bananagators realized they had a new room to explore. As soon as the cook climbed out the hole in the wall, Nami began firing off Cool Balls, one after the other. The air temperature dropped noticeably. Then…

"Zoro! Jones! _NOW!_ "

"Tatsumaki!" Zoro immediately started spinning, creating a miniature tornado that sucked water up from Crocodile's basement and fired it into the air. Nami's Cool Balls helped it to spread, forming a low cloud beneath the inferno that was Ace fighting Crocodile. There was just one more thing we needed.

My head began to ache as I focused on the air. Pressure… Come on, we needed a drop in air pressure. But how? I could feel the air, feel the nearly negligible pressure, but could I really absorb _that_? The answer, after a few moments of trying, was yes. Once I got hold of the feeling, it was actually easier to absorb than friction- and it went _fast_. Fast enough that despite the negligible pressure and the fact that I wasn't trying to absorb all of it- the last thing I wanted was to accidentally stick myself in a vacuum- I was nauseous in seconds. And dizzy too, horribly so. Invisible arms wrapped around me from behind, steadying me.

I really needed to figure out what those were, where they came from. Not now though.

More wind whipped up as the air pressure plummeted around me, drawing in the edges of the blazing inferno, slowing its spread- as well as bringing it _down_ into Nami and Zoro's vortex of water and cloud. Which was… Uncomfortable. As the heat and swirling sand fell towards us, I started to feel like I had when Ace had tackled me, all fire and light and _burning_ on my back. I curled up into a ball on reflex, protecting my face.

And then it _stopped_.

I uncurled, glancing up- and then immediately had to lean over and puke. Which at least reminded me to stop absorbing pressure before I exploded. When I could actually straighten and look around properly, I saw… mud. All the sand around us had been turned to mud, clinging and sticking to all the buildings. Crocodile and Ace stood in the center of the splatter, both soaked and stooped. They were sopping, clothes clinging to them like glue and hair in their eyes as they spat out gobs of mud.

Ace seemed to recover first, lunging for Crocodile. He stumbled after a couple of steps, slipping in the mud and falling when he realized the water had put out all his fire. The freckled pirate snapped his wrist a few times, staring at his hand in confusion as it didn't burst into flames.

"Kuhahahahahaha! I told you you'd never-!" Crocodile froze when his sand powers failed to answer his call. It didn't take him long to regain his composure though, quickly switching to lashing out at Ace with his hook. Before he could strike the freckled pirate though, a rubber fist slammed into the back of Crocodile's head, hard enough to make the Warlord stumble.

"Gum-Gum Pistol!"

Spinning to face Luffy, Crocodile swung a kick at my captain, apparently deciding that with Ace's fire neutralized, Luffy was the next biggest threat. This turned out to be a poor decision, as it lead to the Shichibukai immediately taking a pipe to the small of his back. He hadn't paid any attention to Sabo. The Revolutionary grinned.

"I know you said you wanted to kick this guy's ass, Lu, but I think it's better if we do this together. Just like old times." Sabo's grin broadened. "He is, after all, a clever and relatively powerful pirate. Surely he'll stop playing around now that he knows we're not all aggressive hotheads like Ace."

"Oi!" The aforementioned hothead let out an indignant yelp. He wasn't able to counter the statement though, even if I could see how much he would've loved to argue.

"Kuhahahahahaha!" Crocodile started laughing. "You children… The lot of you are still a hundred years too early to beat me. And once I've taken the damage you did to my casino out of your hides, I'll go find that princess friend of yours. She's in Alubarna, isn't she? Trying to warn her father, trying to stop the war peacefully… She won't succeed any more than you will. Don't think you can win just because you found my weakness."

Well, at least he knew better than to try and hide it.

Sabo jabbed sharply with his pipe, forcing Crocodile to take a step back. Aside from that, though, the Revolutionary wasn't yet paying much attention to the Warlord. Blue eyes were focused on an orange hat. "Ace, have you regained your senses, or are you sitting this one out?"

"Oh, I'm still in." The freckled pirate drew his knife, eyes glowing with a dangerous light. "After all, he hurt Lu and insulted Pops. It wouldn't be right for me to sit this one out."

"What about your powers?" Luffy asked with concern. Ace grinned.

"What, these?" For a moment, nothing happened. Then I saw steam rise off Ace as if he were boiling, his skin drying in an instant before flames sprang to life on his arms. "That soaker may've knocked me down, but it's not salt water. Can't keep me out for long."

"Just don't dry off the battlefield too much," I called as a warning. "If you do, he'll be able to turn into sand again."

One of Zoro's hands thudded down on top of my head. "Jones, just let them work. No back-seat fighting."

"Hai. Sorry."

Even without being able to turn into sand, Crocodile was a tough fighter. It was to be expected of someone who'd been to the New World and challenged Whitebeard. Actually… Knowing that, I half expected him to pull out Haki now that he was surrounded and unable to turn into sand. But he didn't. What he _did_ do was pull the golden cap off his hook, revealing the perforated steel beneath that held poison.

 _Clang_. Steel met steel as Crocodile tried to impale Sabo only to be blocked by a pipe. The Shichibukai growled and spun in with a kick, only to meet Luffy shin to shin as my captain stepped in. Side by side, Luffy and Sabo let loose a flurry of rapid punches and pipe strikes. Crocodile blocked every one. Meanwhile Ace, against his usual demeanor, snuck up on the Warlord from behind, his knife out. He seemed to be falling automatically back into the pattern of hunting with his brothers, as if Crocodile was an actual crocodile back on Dawn Island.

For a moment it looked like Ace was about to catch the Shichibukai off guard, but Crocodile spun at the last moment, catching the knife that had been aimed at his shoulder with his hook. A sweeping kick as he spun knocked Luffy back; the Warlord grabbed Sabo's pipe as it came down towards his head. That speed… From his reaction time, I'd say Crocodile had Kenbunshoku Haki at least, even if he didn't seem to be using Busoshoku.

"Is that all you've got?" Crocodile tossed Ace and Sabo back. They flipped once as they flew, landing on their feet nearly in sync.

"Of course not," Ace smirked, the flames on his arms rising higher. "We're just getting warmed up! Fire Fist!"

A flaming hand shot towards Crocodile as I giggled over that last pun. The Warlord didn't seem concerned, not even bothering to step aside. Although a moment later, I saw why.

"Gum-Gum Axe!" Crocodile caught the rubber foot that soared down towards his head. And though he couldn't transform, his dehydration abilities still seemed to be at least partially functional. A second later, Luffy was panting, dried and wrinkled like a raisin. Then the Warlord added insult to injury by holding my dehydrated captain between himself and the flames, using Luffy as a human shield.

Flinching, Ace hauled back on his flames at the last second, preventing them from hurting Luffy. Before they dissipated, Crocodile tossed my captain aside in disgust, lunging at Ace and Sabo under the cover of the flickering firelight. Sabo blocked the Warlord's hook with his pipe, twisting around to toss Crocodile to the side. He followed up with a strike to the Shichibukai's head- the Warlord countered this in turn, catching Sabo's pipe with one hand and forcing the Revolutionary backwards.

Panting, Luffy crawled back towards the fight from where he'd been thrown. I was amazed he could move at _all_ with how he looked- dry, wrinkled skin, bloodshot eyes with bags under them, the inside of his mouth dry and pale even from a distance. But he was still determined to fight alongside his brothers… Before Luffy could get back into the thick of things, Sanji tossed him a tiny barrel. The water Toto had given us at Yuba.

"Here ya go, Shitty Rubber! Don't drink too fast or it'll make you sick."

"Thanks Sanji!" Luffy opened the little barrel and drank… not _quickly_ \- he _did_ listen to Sanji when it came to food- but yeah, pretty quickly nonetheless.

As Luffy scrambled back into the fight, Sabo tossed him his pipe. The Revolutionary was smirking as he did so. "Lu, catch! You still remember how to use one, right?"

"Yep!" My captain spun the pipe around in what was actually an impressive display of staff work, if clearly self-taught. "But… What about you?"

"It's okay Lu. My clothes are thicker than yours; he'll have a harder time dehydrating me. Make sure he doesn't touch you again, 'kay?" Sabo's smirk twisted into something a little scary as he turned his gaze back on Crocodile. His hands spread in a familiar motion, looking for all the world like the Vulcan Salute- although I doubt he meant for the Warlord to live long and prosper. "And don't worry about me fighting either. I have more weapons than just my pipe; my fingers are like the claws of a dragon. Claws to tear away power from the conceited."

Crocodile snorted. "Insolent boy. _You_ are the one who is conceited here!" He rushed Sabo, poison hook at the ready. The Revolutionary stepped in, still smirking, grabbing the hook before it could pierce his shoulder. His gloved hand turned black with Haki as he gripped steel.

"Dragon's Claw!"

Somehow, the act of shattering his hook sent Crocodile staggering backwards. He regained his balance quickly enough, lunging back to stab Sabo with the broken stump of steel. Before he could make contact, though, he was knocked aside by a spinning pipe, powered by a tightly twisted rubber arm. The ends of the pipe struck Crocodile repeatedly as Luffy's arm unwound; I swear I heard one of the Warlord's ribs break just before my captain's arm snapped back.

"Gum-Gum Buzz Saw!"

When Crocodile rose again, there was nothing left behind his eyes. Just anger. And I could understand why. He was powerful, and confident in his power. But despite his power and confidence, here were a bunch of kids taking him out with little apparent effort. We'd soaked the battlefield, forcing him to remain in tangible form. Sabo and Luffy were attacking from opposite sides, making it difficult to focus on taking one of them down, and on top of that, Sabo had broken his poisoned hook. And while I was fairly certain from the way he moved that Crocodile knew how to use Kenbunshoku Haki, it didn't look like he could use Busoshoku. Overall, he was in a pretty bad way despite his power, and our side wasn't fairing poorly at all.

Eyes red with rage, Crocodile lunged for Luffy. I couldn't tell if this meant he was still thinking clearly at this point or not- on the one hand, he could be attacking Luffy in the hopes of making Sabo panic and slip up, but on the other, he could just be attacking the last person to hit him in a blind rage. Either way, it was a poor plan. Luffy rolled backwards to escape being stabbed by the remnants of Crocodile's hook, jamming Sabo's pipe up into the Warlord's stomach hard enough to fire him into Ace. The freckled pirate grabbed the Shichibukai with both hands to prevent him from escaping.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, even while enraged, Crocodile grabbed Ace's shoulder. Nothing happened. After a moment, Ace looked from Crocodile's hand to his face with a bloodthirsty grin. The freckled pirate shook his head at the incredulous look Crocodile shot him. "You can't dehydrate me. I'm _fire_ ; there's no water there."

Rather than words, Crocodile responded by jamming the stump of his hook into Ace's chest. This produced a hole that didn't appear to be harmful to the freckled pirate. It was uncomfortable to look at though, an unnatural opening edged with dripping embers rather than blood. I could see part of Ace's lung for a few seconds until the hole closed. Tiny sparks of green fire began to float around Ace and Crocodile.

"You really shoulda thought twice before saying what you did about Pops and attacking my brothers. Fireflies!" The sparks were larger now, each the size of my eyeball and burning such a bright green that I couldn't bear to look at them. "Fiery Doll!"

 _ **KRA-PCHOW!**_

The air around Ace and Crocodile _exploded_ red and orange. I could feel the heat from where I was standing; it was intense enough to make me close my eyes and crouch behind a piece of rubble to try and dodge the heat. When I looked up a few seconds later, the mud around Ace was steaming. The freckled pirate released Crocodile, dropping the concussed Warlord to the ground.

Luffy let out a whoop. "Alright! We kicked Crocodile's ass- Vivi's country's safe! That was fun!"

 _And easy_ , I though, but didn't say. Far _too_ easy. Crocodile was supposed to be one of the toughest opponents this side of the Red Line- although we had allies who were from the _other_ side of the Red Line, so maybe that had something to do with it. I frowned, deep in thought. What consequences would this have down the line? Would there be any? I wasn't sure… I couldn't immediately connect anything in the future to Crocodile, but that didn't mean there _wasn't_ anything…

This was giving me a headache.

Nami approached Crocodile cautiously, poking nervously at the unconscious Warlord with her _Clima-Tact_. When he didn't move, here eyes lit up gold and turned into beri symbols. "Jones, how much is this one worth if we hand him in?"

"Well, Shichibukai technically have their bounties frozen and are allowed by the World Government to pursue a certain amount of criminal activity," I mused. Nami's eyes didn't change shape, but immediately lit up red. She moved as if to grab or hit me, but paused as I continued. "But running an organization like Baroque Works in an attempt to take over one of the _twenty founding nations_ of the government itself? His bounty before it was frozen was eighty-one million beri, and the government might very well _double_ that if we can hand him over alive and with proof."

"Alright… How do we tie up someone who's made of sand?" Nami looked disappointed as she realized one of the greatest difficulties with dealing with a logia. Luffy blinked at her.

"Can't we use some of the stuff from the cage?" the rubber boy asked, puzzled. "If it made me weak when I touched it, it should work on him too, right? It was like a cage made of ocean…"

"It's metal, though," Zoro reminded him. "Or stone or something. Either way, you can't tie someone up with it."

"But we can shove it down his pants or something, right?" Luffy cocked his head to the side. Zoro scowled and tossed a rock at the captain's head. It bounced off with a rubbery thump.

"If I can't cut it, how're we supposed to get a piece small enough for that to work?"

That… I froze at that, mouth open, one finger raised. Because… If Zoro couldn't cut kairoseki, and Nami wasn't with them to pick the lock, and we didn't know where Mr Three was, how _did_ they get out? But for some reason I couldn't get the words out. Not that it mattered- I was over the freezing after a moment, able to slowly turn and look down into the bananagator room, where the twisted, partially melted remains of the seastone cage were serving as a giant chew toy to numerous bananagators, as well as their smaller accelegator cousins. And to my surprise, the largest bananagators seemed to be capable of _biting through_ the bars of the cage. Broken bits of seastone were indeed littered through the water knee-deep water that was left below.

"If someone feels like going down there…" I trailed off hesitantly, unsure whether to volunteer. Largely because while I'd held alligators in the past- family vacation to Florida- they had always been _smaller_ than me. Even the smallest accelegator was the size of a small car; the big bananagators were large enough to put a minivan in their _mouths_. I wasn't quite sure how to deal with them yet.

"Got it!" Luffy jumped in before I could come up with a plan. One hand held his hat to his head, while the other still clutched Sabo's pipe. As soon as he splashed down in the water, all the fruit-topped reptiles immediately began snaking their way towards him. One of the larger ones licked its lips.

Wait… So alligators had lips in this world? Did that mean- no. No, I'll save that gag for a time when it's actually been earned.

Ace and Sabo looked… panicked when they saw the gators making their way towards Luffy. Or at least, that was the closest emotion I could think of to fit with the expression. There was also a heavy helping of "Oh no, not again" on their faces. Both older brothers ran for the hole in the casino wall. "Lu!"

"Leave me alone! Gum-Gum Alligator Shear!" Luffy swung Sabo's pipe in a great arc, knocking the gators away so he could stoop to pick up some seastone. Which immediately caused him to flop in the water like a deboned fish, groaning. Ace facepalmed.

" _Idiot!_ "

Before he or Sabo could do anything though, Zoro and Sanji had jumped down to join Luffy. The swordsman lifted the captain on his shoulders- pipe, seastone, and all- while the cook warded the gators away. As soon as the trio had returned to street level with the rest of us, Zoro snatched the kairoseki out of Luffy's hand and shoved it into the back of Crocodile's underwear. "Okay Jones, tie him up."

Binding Crocodile took several minutes and most of my remaining tape. I hoped I'd have time to get some more before we left Alabasta- since it didn't look like we were going to be fleeing with marines on our tail, that might actually be possible. Chopper, Ruatha, and Doya appeared during that time. The little doctor saluted as he popped from Walk Point to Brain Point.

"We got everyone inside like you asked!" For a moment, the reindeer looked very proud. Then his face fell and his ears drooped. "Oh… But you're already done here…"

Nami reached out to ruffle his fur. "Just because we finished quickly doesn't mean what you did wasn't important. If it _hadn't_ worked out, anyone still outside could've been seriously hurt."

"Oh. Okay!" Chopper perked up very quickly. Ah, his optimism was adorable.

Ruatha climbed onto my shoulders as I finished taping up Crocodile. My baby licked the Warlord's head, then made a face and spat out a gob of mud. "GYACH! Krastov!"

"Well then, maybe you should learn not to eat things that aren't food." I poked my dragon in the forehead before scratching his mane. Standing up, I looked around at my companions. "So… We've got Croc. I guess we should take him to Alubarna, tell Vivi the good news? Then we can round up his followers while she and her father get hold of Captain Hina so we can hand Baroque Works over to the marines." It would probably be a couple days' walk, but there was no hurry now. We'd taken the Warlord out before he could begin his assault.

It felt weird.

Nodding, Zoro hefted Crocodile's still-unconscious form onto his back. Doya climbed up onto my shoulders, barking to drive Ruatha further, until the dragon was perched on my head. Luffy whistled happily and handed Sabo his pipe back. And then… we were ready. I gazed about suspiciously, _sure_ my writer was about to pull some shenanigan, but there was nothing. No sneak attacks, no Baroque Works agents stumbling upon us while on their way to bring in a report… I didn't even see Robin anywhere. Huh. Okay then.

 _Come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams! Together we will find everything that we're looking for! One Piece!_

We'd barely gone two steps wen Samsung began to ring. Luffy grinned and bobbed his head as I dug through my pockets for my den-den mushi- finding it was harder with my three recent acquisitions. "I like Jones' ringtone. It's cool."

"Who is this and how did you get my number?" I demanded when I finally had the correct snail. Samsung rolled its eyes. Ghin's voice emerged.

"Jones, I was there when you _bought_ the damn thing."

"Oh." Well, I guess that meant Sabo wasn't the only person in the world with my snail number. I'd forgotten about that- or assumed Ghin wasn't paying attention at the time. Take your pick. Anyway… "What's up? You've never called me before."

"Never had access to a snail when we were separated before." Oh great. He was calling to check on me. Just like my mother. I opened my mouth to report that Team Turtle was fine, that we were finished out task and starting on our way to Alubarna, but Ghin's next words stopped me dead.

"We need you guys in Alubarna _yesterday_. The moles are out of both armies, but… About ten minutes ago, half the city started falling apart. People with weird powers running around everywhere, storage facilities and who knows what else blowing up or catching fire… The Royal Army's doing their best to evacuate citizens, but they can't do that and fight at the same ti-!" Ghin was blocked out for a moment by a massive crackle of static. "-e can do to keep them out of the palace." I heard something shatter over the connection; when Ghin spoke again, his voice was filled with rage and panic. " _Shit!_ LISA!"

The line went dead. I was left staring at Samsung, the snail blinking back up at me with a blank look on its face. My fingers were numb; I barely felt anything as I dropped my snail into my utility belt. So, here was the shenanigan. Somehow, despite our having beaten Crocodile in Rainbase, Alubarna was still under assault. Baroque Works was still invading.

 _Tabarnak_.


	23. Chorus

**Chorus: in Greek drama, a group of people who sang and danced, commenting on the action of the play**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you. And aye, it will... I may or may not have taken a bet with some friends about me having the ability to realistically write a fic where Luffy doesn't get a bounty until a certain point in the story. They said it was impossible; I said "Watch me."**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you! ^_^ Although if you think this is getting intense, just wait. I'm just getting warmed up. *evil grin; wafts butterflies into the air* Fly, my pretties, fly!**

 **Resisting the Borg: A combination of getting him too late and forgetting to take out surveillance systems. Jones did wonder why no guards seemed to be reacting despite the abundance of visual den-den in the casino.**

 **Dragondancer81: *grins* Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it!**

 **Draco Oblivion: Oh, at the point I'll eventually be giving the Straw Hats their bounties, the World Government will have no choice but to make them at least as high as in canon, first bounty or no. And yes, being tricked into funding a pirate crew is part of it.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thank you. And if you like the way my fight scenes flow, have I got a treat for you...**

 **Avisian: Yeah, for poison. That's kinda obvious. But I ain't saying nothing about what Jonesie plans to do with it just yet.**

 **Azurai Wolf: AYE!**

 **Lightsbane1905: Yes, that he does. Or is Murphy a she? That could be even worse— scorn Miss Murphy long enough and Hell hath no fury like what your ass would be in for...**

 **Partsu: Interesting is what I strive for; entertaining as well. As far as the rails go... I think I may be losing sight of them eventually amid this cloud of beautiful butterflies I have growing.**

 **tylermech66: Nah, I think it's pretty obvious too. How I intend to use it, on the other hand... Sesehihihihihi! And thank you.**

 **starelight: I don't speak Spanish either; those were just some random curses and insults I Googled. Thank you. ^_^ Although... Sorry, but I don't really update once a week. I update whenever I have a chapter ready, which so far has been anywhere from a week to a month. As for your second question... Sorry, but answering that would be spoilers.**

 **EvilpuppyofDoom: Hmm... Actually, as far as Sanji's design, that's just an in-joke between me and Blue. She tried to draw a picture of my dad once, but with her art style, it came out looking like an older Sanji with a receding hairline. Sorry.**

 **havarti2: *pats awkwardly* There, there? Why are you sobbing? I'm sorry...**

 **FairyGirl960: What happens next? More fight scenes!**

 **DragonBookAddict: The part of Crocodile's hook that's poisoned is the grey part in the core; the golden shell isn't. My Luffy is fine because he was stabbed when Crocodile still had the casing on his hook. When the casing came off, Sabo broke the hook before Crocodile hit anyone with it.**

 **Insanity Lord: Indeed they did.**

 **WaterStar45: Thank you very much. And yeah, it did.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: You know, I have no idea which one he'd be from. Although I think the insults I used were continental Spanish, so my version would probably be from Spain. As for romance in this fic... Sorry, but you'll have to wait and see. There will be some, but it won't be typical.**

 **Yakumochin: I know you won't ever see this, but I'm sorry you feel that way. Thank you, and I wish you good luck as well.**

 **Michi-Dae: You're not the first.**

 **Sand-Whitch: Thank you. :) And yes, that was the reference I was going for, so wohoooo!**

 **Sage McGavin: Ah. Thank you for the clarification. Wow... That sounds both hilarious and embarrassing.**

 **Guest (August 14): Not sure you'll ever see this, given your comment, but I'm sorry. If you had continued though, you would've seen it get better. For all it starts with a bout of depression, this is a happy story.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Indeed they do.**

 **Redery: I know you won't end up reading this, but thank you very much. And I'm sorry you feel that way.**

 **Gravityfunns and Person (who I suspect may be the same commenter; if not, I apologize): I choose to call Chopper's standard form Brain Point because when he uses a Rumble Ball and switches to Brain Point, it looks just like his standard form. My fic, my POV, my creative decision. Sorry.**

 **Apperatus: Gambit? I'm afraid I don't understand. Why is your tin foil hat getting a workout?**

 _Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge_. How were we supposed to get to Alubarna fast enough if it was already under attack? _Why_ was it already under attack, if we'd taken out Crocodile? Although the second question didn't matter as much. More important- we didn't have the dancing outfits, and I was just now remembering that they were important in motivating Scissors the crab. Yeah, Nami had cut her robes up and stuff to distract the casino guards, but the result wasn't nearly as sexy. _Merde_. I was an idiot, _idiot_ , _**idiot**_. How-?

 _Accellegators._ Robin rode one at some point in canon, right?

Running back to the hole in the wall of Rain Dinners, I jumped down into the gator room, landing with a splash. That instantly got the attention of every bananagator and accellegator in the place. As well as my crew mates- Nami stared over the edge in confusion as I stood facing the many, _many_ giant aquatic reptiles. "Jones, what're you doing?!"

"Getting us a ride!" Although… How did I control one? Let's see… Alligators' upper jaws were so heavy they could be held closed by a human hand, so let's start there. When the first accellegator lunged at me- faster than the larger bananagators could hope to move- I jumped up out of the way. An instant later I came down on the gator's head. It thrashed around, but I held on, one hand on its eye ridges, the other on the banana on its nose. This only seemed to enrage the reptile more. I was right, at least- it didn't seem to be able to open its mouth when there was any sort of extra weight on it.

As the rest of the gators came close and tried to bite me, though, I realized another issue. Forget steering- _how was I supposed to get a gator out?_ The hole was about five feet up. Then again, accellegators were pretty big, and I was fairly sure gators could climb. I seemed to remember reading a news article about it, at least. Okay then, steering was still the main problem. I yanked on the accelegator's nose banana; the great reptile swung its head to the side with a growl to lessen the pain. A second later, my mount swung its tail, the massive banana on the end smashing into the side of a bananagator's head, forcing the larger reptile aside. The bananagator responded with a chomp that set my mount to thrashing even harder.

I had bigger problems to worry about, though. On my end, a number of accellegators were approaching rapidly, drooling. The nearest growled as she came closer, her mouth cracking open like a damp, toothy cavern. Narrowing my eyes, I growled right back. A quick jump took me to the head of this newcomer; I grabbed her nose banana and yanked it around before shoving forwards. The accellegator grunted in pain and followed my direction towards the hole. It took her a minute to figure out how to climb out, but I shoved at her nose banana until she managed. I grinned triumphantly at my crew mates as my mount and I emerged onto the sand.

"We'll get to Alubarna faster if we ride these."

Sabo shook his head. "It's a good idea, Jones, but we can't _all_ fit on that one gator."

"That won't be a problem," Ace pointed out. And indeed, the rest of the gators were figuring out how to climb out the hole in order to come after me, shoving their way through one by one. The freckled pirate grinned. "So Jones, how do you control one of those things?"

"With the banana." I patted my mount's nose banana as Nami, Zoro, Chopper, and Ruatha climbed onto her back. The bosun brought Crocodile with him, dragging the Warlord roughly aboard. "Make sure you pick one of the little ones with a nose banana and a tail banana- the bigger ones with just the head banana are a different species, much slower."

The emerging bananagators and accellegators spread out as they got clear of the hole in the wall, seeing fresh prey scattered around. This gave Ace the perfect opportunity as a particularly aggressive male went after him. Coming down hard on the gator's head, the freckled pirate held it still for a moment so Sabo, Luffy, Sanji, and Doya could climb aboard.

Chopper wrung his hooves. "Um… What about the other gators? Won't they go after the people here once we leave?"

"Don't think that'll be a problem," I responded, shoving forwards on my accellegator's nose banana and urging her forwards. She started running with a grunt- _fast_. Ace's gator followed, and not far behind… all the rest. Every accellegator and bananagator from Crocodile's menagerie was chasing us, drooling and snapping. Although I was pretty sure we'd lose the larger bananagators at some point; even this early in the chase, they seemed to be falling behind.

"YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" This was much easier than riding dinosaurs. I took my hat off and waved it around with my free hand, still urging the gator forward with the other. Behind me I heard someone sigh- not sure if it was Nami or Zoro. I stuck my tongue out without turning around to see.

"Hey, it works, doesn't it?"

No one answered me. A few minutes later, I felt sharp claws digging into my back as Ruatha climbed up to my shoulders. The little dragon added his voice to my own, letting out a trilling warble. "Moor~"

Sand flew to the sides, thrown up by the gators' claws. Man, accellegators were _fast_. It was like sitting on the hood of a small car while driving on the highway. I squinted against the wind, trying desperately to keep my eyes on where we were going. The occasional sand fly splattered on my glasses. Even so, I grinned. This was _fun_. Of course, grinning led to a mouthful of sand and dead insects, but I didn't care. I've had mouthfuls of worse thing; my Devil Fruit comes to mind.

"Punch it, Chewie!" I shoved harder on my accellegator's nose banana. She growled and started running even faster. A quick glance just behind me showed golden eyes glaring at me with the intent to murder. And probably eat.

I'd worry about that once we got to Alubarna.

We'd been racing along for about five minutes when I felt something clamp over my shin, like mousetrap lined with jagged ends of wire. Looking down, I saw a baby bananagator, no larger than a cat, gnawing on my leg with its tiny, conical teeth. A single-banana bananagator, not an accellegator. Ruatha hissed; I grabbed the baby bananagator by its banana, making it let go with a yelp.

There are getting to be far too many bananas in this section of the story.

"Someone hold this!" I shoved the baby bananagator backwards, into Nami's arms. She yelped and clamped a hand over its jaws to keep it from biting her.

"What?! Can't we just toss it?!" The sailing master held the little reptile away from her body, over the side of the accellegator. Chopper looked up at her with watery eyes.

"But he's so scared! We can't abandon him! Besides, with all the big ones behind us, he'll get crushed if you throw him off!" Chopper snatched the baby bananagator away from Nami and began stroking it, grunting and growling. The baby reptile chattered right back. Nami sighed and shook her head, choosing to ignore it. Instead she leaned forwards, staring out at the horizon over my shoulder.

"I don't suppose you know how far we have to go, do you Jones?"

I shrugged. "Something more than 50km. Not sure exactly, sorry."

Nami frowned. "And judging by the wind, we're going about 60 kilometers per hour, so we've probably got at least an hour before we get to Alubarna. Unless you know a way to make these things go even faster?" She patted our accellegator on the side of the neck. I shook my head.

"Nope. Not sure if there _is_ a way, or if this is their top speed. Don't know how long they can run for either. But for as long as it lasts, it's better than running ourselves, right?"

"True, I guess."

Everyone looked at each other in silence for a few minutes. The gators continued to scramble across the desert as we did so, still flinging up sand to either side. It wasn't silent, but it _was_ pretty quiet. After a few minutes, Sabo rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I guess I could continue the Haki lessons, if we've got time. Next up is Busoshoku Haki, the power of armaments. It can be used to reduce the damage you take from attacks, and also to nullify or bypass Devil Fruit abilities temporarily- like a Fist of Love."

Luffy bounced excitedly, and probably would've fallen off the accellegator if Sanji hadn't grabbed the back of his shirt. "I can do a Fist of Love!"

"I know…" Ace rubbed his head with one hand, shooting Sabo a reproachful look. "Are you _sure_ you should be teaching them this? Should be teaching _Lu_ this?"

" _Ace_." Sabo's expression suddenly became flat and serious. "Lu is my _baby brother_ \- I will _not_ let him go wandering the seas without at least _knowing_ about Haki. Doing so would be just _asking_ someone from the New World to show up in Paradise and attack his crew. And plus," Here Sabo's face softened. And darkened; it actually looked like he was about to cry, although he was doing a pretty good job of holding it in. "I missed his childhood Ace. _You_ were the one who was always there, the one who taught him everything- how to fight, how to survive. Not me. I was halfway around the world, unable to even remember I _had_ a baby brother. Please Ace… Just let me have this."

There was a momentary pause. Then Ace sighed and grumbled, rolling his eyes. "You're even more of a manipulative bastard than you were when we were kids. Fine, have it your way."

"Thank _you_." All sign of tears was suddenly gone; Sabo beamed brightly, like a kid at Christmas. But there was something smug about it too. The Revolutionary took off one of his gloves and showed everyone his hand, then coated it with Haki and showed us again. "Now, there are two types of Busoshoku Haki. The regular stuff's invisible, just a light shield; this black stuff is called Armaments: Hardening. Personally, this is the one I find more useful- it's denser, better protection, and can be used to coat objects you're holding to give them the same strength and anti-Devil Fruit properties." Grabbing his pipe, Sabo coated it as a demonstration.

I looked over at Nami and Sanji, both of whom had notebooks out. "You two better take good notes- I can't this time. Gotta drive."

Sanji waved me off. "Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it Jones. Just leave it to us; you keep both hands on that shitty banana."

With that exchange out of the way, Sabo got back to his explanation. "Now, the main method of training here would be for me to hit you with something very hard and/or Devil Fruit-based until you were able to make it stop hurting. Before I get any further into other methods, though, I'm curious. Lu, how did you figure out how to do a Fist of Love?"

My captain shrugged. "Jones kept doing dumb stuff that almost got her killed, so I thought _really_ hard about how much I care about her and want her to stop. Then I punched pillows while doing that until they exploded, and suddenly I could hit Jones through her powers. Then Ace did dumb stuff that hurt my crew, so I thought _really_ hard about how much I love him and want him to like my friends, and I was able to hit him through his powers too. Haven't tried it on anyone else yet though."

"Only you, Luffy…" Sabo shook his head. "Well, I think that method only works on people you like, so we'll have to teach you properly if you wanna use it in a fight. Now, for those of you who like meditation, that can help here was well, but it's harder than with Kenbunshoku Haki. You have to learn to focus all your emotion, all your desire to win, all your willpower onto whatever part of you you're trying to coat…"

X

One not-so-brief Haki lecture later, we were approaching a bend in the Sandora River as it wound through the desert. Broad and swift flowing… But we were riding gators, so we'd probably be able to cross no problem. As we raced down to the river, I saw a large crab- as big as a transport truck- ambling across the sand. I raised a hand to wave. "Hi Scissors!"

The crab stumbled and froze, eyestalks swivelling around to stare at me with surprise. Ah, so it _was_ the crab I thought it was. I was wondering. Chopper's ears twitched.

"He wants to know how you know his name." The reindeer wrinkled his nose. "But it's the same way as you know anything else, isn't it?"

I nodded. "If things had gone the way they were supposed to, Scissors would've been your ride."

Unlike giant desert crabs, accellegators had no problems with water. They didn't even pause before charging into the river, the fountain of sand they were shooting up being replaced by a sharply angled wake. And the gators that had been following all came too, a congregation that turned the river green. However, the gators clearly weren't that smart- if they were, the ones we were riding would've tried diving to get us to let go. Maybe even rolled and tried to eat us in turn. Instead, they just kept swimming in the direction we tugged their bananas.

Ripples danced in the water in front of us as we came up to the middle of the river. A wall of brown scales emerged with a great sucking splash; far above my head, sharp teeth dripped muddy water beneath dully shiny eyes. Sandora catfish. Chopper shrieked, hugging the baby bananagator we'd picked up tightly. The little gator was equally panicked, squirming and chirping. Nami gasped. On Ace's gator, Doya leapt up, barking and brandishing his curled flippers as he prepared to charge at the giant catfish…

Except a massive bananagator beat him to it. Pulling ahead of our accellegators with a couple swings of its huge tail, the larger reptile darted forwards and clamped massive jaws over one of the catfish's fins. The great fish writhed, screaming, before turning and sinking its own teeth into thick gator hide. That wasn't enough to save it. At a roar from their leader, the congregation of gators broke off from following us to attack the Sandora catfish as a group. Soon the air was filled with the sounds of chomping, ripping, growling… Instead of green, the river ran red. But at least their distraction with a meal of tasty catfish got most of the gators to stop following us. Bringing that many of them into Alubarna could've been bad.

A hissing whine sounded as my own accellegator tried to turn towards the carnage; off to the side, I could see Ace's doing the same. A quick squeeze and yank on their nose bananas brought them back in line though. They must be very sensitive.

As Chewie and Chomp- yes, those are their names now- climbed out onto the opposite bank, Doya jumped down onto the sand and began chattering. I pulled back on Chewie's nose banana, making her pause; Ace copied with Chomp. The little dugong sensei waved his flippers and barked loudly. Chopper cocked his head to the side, ears perking up.

"He says this is as far as he goes- he wants to go back and check on his apprentices, and he's not sure how much use an aquatic mammal would be in a burning city." Doya barked again; Chopper nodded. "He says they can pull the _Going Merry_ around to a port closer to Alubarna though, if we like, so we don't have to walk across the desert again."

Luffy beamed. "Sure thing turtle-seal! And thanks!"

A mighty leap flowed into a heavy thud; Doya jumped up and smacked Luffy in the head with a loud bark. "Rawp!"

Chopper giggled. "He says he's a dugong, not a turtle-seal; they're different."

"Oh… Sorry." Luffy rubbed his head, looking sheepish.

Apparently mollified, Doya nodded once before diving into the river. One of the bananagators turned away from the Sandora catfish as the kung-fu dugong swam past, eyeing the small mammal with consideration. When it eventually _did_ decide to attack though, a quick set of five heavy punches quickly deterred the giant reptile. "Rau-pu!"

With Doya clearly able to take care of himself, we continued on our way. It couldn't be far now- could it? I really wished I knew more about distances and travel times. At the end, when Ghin had panicked and hung up the snail… What happened to Johnny and Yosaku? Merde…

"When we get to Alubarna, we should split up," Zoro commented. When everyone looked at him, the bosun shrugged. "What? There's a lot of these Baroque Works guys, right? It'll be easier to find them if we all go different ways."

I said nothing, because I knew he was right. Nami looked like she _wanted_ to say something, but realized the logic in what Zoro was saying. _Sanji_ , however- he, like always, had a strong opinion about anything Zoro suggested. "Shitty Mossball… If we do that, you'll just get your sorry ass lost."

"Get over here and say that to my face, Shit Cook!" Zoro stood up and drew _Yubashiri_ , nearly falling off Chewie's back with the motion. Sighing, Nami grabbed the swordsman by the back of his haramaki and pulled him back down.

"Now's _not the time_ , you two. Sanji, quit antagonizing him!"

"Of course! Anything for you, Nami dear!" The cook's eyes turned to hearts as he began swaying like a noodle where he sat.

X

There had been no warning whatsoever. About half an hour after getting the last mole out of the Royal Army, several buildings in the market district had just _erupted_ into blue and green flames. Chemical fires- Ghin remembered the smell from working with Krieg, although he wasn't sure what types of chemicals were involved. King Cobra immediately sent out the Royal Army to evacuate citizens from the area and control the fires, with Chaka investigating the cause of the conflagration. But as soon as the Army had moved out, a second set of colourful fires roared up in a poorer residential area. Within minutes the soldiers were spread thin, trying to suppress fires in more than a dozen locations around the city.

And there were other, non-fiery explosions too, the sort that were created by the shockwaves of something heavy dropping from a great height. Every once in a while there would be a flash of orange and yellow from above the buildings.

Ghin looked out at the burning city and frowned. He wasn't a chemist, but he knew that sometimes chemical fires couldn't be put out through ordinary means. He'd encountered enough of them when Krieg's arsenal had occasionally malfunctioned. The rigger frowned as he stared out over the city, leaning on the edge of the castle wall. "Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku- any idea what's making those fires turn colours? Will it make it harder for the soldiers to put them out?"

Usopp pulled his goggles down over his eyes for a better look. "Hmm… Sorry, I can't tell from here. It's pretty likely though."

"Would you be able to find out if you went closer?"

The gunner paused for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, if I can get closer and get some samples, maybe."

"And could you figure out _how_ to put them out? Would you have stuff to do it?"

That question caused Usopp to snort with affront. "Of course! Once I figure out what _caused_ the fire, something like that would be easy!"

Ghin nodded. "Then go. I don't like the look of those things; we'll probably need whatever you come up with."

Usopp hesitated for a moment. And Ghin understood why- he was the rigger, not the captain or bosun, or even the sailing master. He had no real authority except when suggesting a way to adjust the sails and lines. But none of the ranking officers were _there_ , dammit! The older pirate growled at his young companion. " _Do it_ , Usopp. _Go!_ "

Squeaking, the gunner saluted and spun. "Aye-aye Ghin! Johnny, Yosaku, come on!"

Shaking their heads, the hunters pointed down towards the base of the castle wall. "Don't think that's a good idea, Bro," Yosaku observed.

Ghin looked down and frowned. There were… People. Not a whole lot- certainly not as many as _he_ would've used to attack a castle- but still a fair few. And with the Royal Army spread thing throughout the city…

"Usopp, get going and figure out those fires. You'll have to do it alone; the rest of us need to keep these bozos out of the castle." After all, it didn't matter if your force was too small for a proper invasion if there was no one to keep you from just walking in. "Johnny, Yosaku, I hope you've finished modifying those spray guns of yours."

"I- Alright." Usopp was shaking as dashed off. Once he reached a place where the people below couldn't see him, the gunner looped a rope around the muzzle of a cannon and began rappelling down the wall. Ghin nodded in approval before focusing his attentions on the invaders below.

"Lisa, warn Vivi and her father."

Before the little girl could say or do anything, a soft voice coughed behind Ghin. Glancing back, the rigger came face to face with the princess. Vivi raised an eyebrow. "Warn us of what?"

"That the castle is about to come under assault." Pulling out his tonfa, Ghin gave them a quick spin to warm up.

Vivi glanced down at the people below. Her face went pale for a moment; she bit her lip. Then she nodded and reached into her pockets, her hands emerging adorned with long wires that ended in feather-shaped blades. "Then- then I'll fight with you."

"As you wish." Ghin turned back to Lisa. "In that case, I'll need a snail. I want to know what the others are doing and how long 'til they get here." She didn't need to know that he was mostly sending her to get her away from the fight. It wasn't like calling the others would get them there any faster.

"I'm on it!" The little girl saluted and took off into the castle. Ghin smiled and shook his head.

One of the people below, a tall man with sunglasses and a red trenchcoat, stared up at them while picking his nose. " _That's_ all that's guarding the palace? A few ratty pirates and some little girls? I thought this was supposed to be a challenge."

A large man with close-cropped hair glowered at his companion. "Did you or did you not just watch the same snail footage I did? A few of these _ratty pirates_ just took out Mr Zero in his own home. We need their heads if we want to salvage the plan and rescue him. Don't underestimate them."

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it Mr One. I got this." The man in the trenchcoat switched to picking his nose with his other hand for a minute. Then he flicked two large clumps of boogers at the base of the castle wall. "Nose Fancy Double Cannon!"

The boogers hit the wall with an anticlimactic splat- before _exploding_ like someone had lit a keg of gunpowder. It made a massive dent- not quite a hole, but another blast would punch right through. Beneath Ghin's feet, stone shook. It was enough to set Johnny and Yosaku stumbling into each other. Ghin's ears rang from the noise.

Despite their stumbling, the hunters were quickly ready to return fire. They drew the new, more gun-shaped nozzles of their weapons, spinning some sort of new dial attachments before pulling the triggers.

"Acid Rain Cone 20!"

"Base Drops Cone 20!"

Cone-shaped sprays of faintly translucent liquid came out in a brief shower. They were clearer than when the hunters had first used them, not as gushing, with a far broader area of effect. When they hit, the people below hissed in irritation and took a few steps back. Raised red marks- not nearly as bad as the burns from last time- appeared on their victims' skin. The Baroque Works agents covered their eyes and took shelter under the overhang of a nearby shop roof for a moment.

Lisa ran up at that moment, panting heavily. She held a large, electric blue den-den mushi in her hand. "Here you are Ghin!"

"Than- aw shit." As Ghin was taking the snail, the dour man with close-cropped hair ran out from under the overhang. His arms had turned into some sort of spinning bladed drills, which he proceeded to slam into the already weakened wall.

"Spiral Hollow!"

Once again, the wall shook. Johnny and Yosaku fired their chemical sprays again, but the man below didn't seem to be affected this time. Devil Fruit- it had to have something to do with the Devil Fruit power he seemed to be using. And… aw shit, the guy with the exploding boogers was picking his nose again. Ghin dialed the only snail number he knew as quickly as his fingers would go. He motioned for Lisa to get her paints ready as he did so- it didn't look like he'd be able to keep her away from the fighting after all.

"Who is this and how did you get my number?" Jones sounded bitter, but unharmed. And from what the agents had said, her team had succeeded in taking out Crocodile, so they weren't exactly busy. Ghin rolled his eyes.

"Jones, I was there when you _bought_ the damn thing."

"Oh." The snail in his hand looked vaguely sheepish. "What's up? You've never called me before."

"Never had access to a snail when we were separated before." Something that would have to change. Communication was important on large crews; everyone should have a den-den in case they needed to call each other. He'd have to see what he could do about talking Nami into releasing extra funds for that.

Ghin shook his head. He'd worry about that later. "We need you guys in Alubarna _yesterday_. The moles are out of both armies, but… About ten minutes ago, half the city started falling apart. People with weird powers running around everywhere, storage facilities and who knows what else blowing up or catching on fire… The Royal Army's doing their best to evacuate citizens, but they can't do that and fight at the same time." Another explosion rocked the wall as the booger man flicked another of his fancy nose cannons at it. But this time, he wasn't aiming to put a hole in the wall itself; he was blowing up a cannon that Lisa had been running towards. "I think we can hold them for a while, but it might be all we can do to keep them out of the palace."

Another explosion- and this one was aimed at neither wall nor cannon. Instead, this booger arched up and dropped between the feet of the hunters as they tried to target the booger man with their spray guns. " _Shit!_ Johnny! Yosaku!"

Neither hunter heard Ghin's warning in time. Stone _shattered_ as the mucus blew; a cloud of dust and stone shrapnel filled the air. Ghin was knocked backwards by the concussive force, dropping the snail. From somewhere in the cloud, he heard a ragged yell of pain. It sounded like Yosaku.

When the dust cleared enough for him to see- which only took a couple seconds, even if it felt like much longer, there was nothing but a crater where the hunters had stood. Johnny dangled from the far edge, one hand gripping the lip of the new crater. His other hand was wrapped around Yosaku's wrist, knuckles going white with the effort. Both hunters had an assortment of tiny cuts on their hands and faces from the stone shrapnel, their desert robes tattered and torn. Yosaku appeared to have gotten hit slightly worse; his eyes were spinning, and there was a small, steady stream of blood dripping from one of his temples despite the defense provided by his hitai-ate.

"Ergh!" Gritting his teeth and hauling with all his might, Johnny got himself and Yosaku back up onto the wall. Panting, the blue hunter knelt on pitted stone and flashed a brief grin and thumbs-up in Ghin's direction. "Don't worry, Big Bro! We'll be alright! You just keep an eye on Li'l Sis and her highness, yeah?"

"Got it." Ghin nodded. "You two be careful."

"Aren't we always?" Johnny asked with a cheeky grin.

"Not on your life!" Ghin shook his head with a wry smile. Despite his words, he was confident the hunters would be okay.

Since firing from above didn't seem to be doing much good, Johnny and Yosaku used the crater in the wall to climb down to ground level as soon as the latter was capable of seeing straight. Ghin couldn't help it- he watched to make sure they got down safely. His inattention cost him, though, as he learned after a few brief seconds of steel skittering against stone. The dour man whose arms could become drills had scrambled up the stone, using fingers that had changed into steel blades.

"Don't worry about others during a fight, unless you want to die in their place." Steel claws raked towards Ghin's head; he blocked with his tonfa just in time. The force behind the blow, though, was still enough to fire him sideways off the wall. Ghin crashed into a smaller building as he landed, hard enough to knock the wind out of him. He struggled to get it back as quickly as he could though; he needed it. As the bladed man who'd thrown him advanced along the wall, the Straw Hat rigger called out to one of his crew mates, so involved in her own battle preparations that she hadn't even noticed the explosions.

"LISA! VIVI! _RUN!_ "

The little girl looked up from her paints, blinking in confusion. Vivi, at least, was paying more attention. Grabbing the painter, the princess took off along the wall, whistling loudly. Carue appeared from somewhere indoors just before the bladed man caught up with the girls, scooping them up onto his back with a loud quack. The air snapped and boomed, displacement cones forming around the supersonic duck's beak as he raced away at the speed his species was famous for.

"You should really listen to Mr One and worry about yourself." A strange woman approached, giggling, as Ghin got to his feet. She was dressed all in furs, with a short sword in her hand that somehow resembled the claws of a small carnivore. She was accompanied by a tall, slender man in acid green, who seemed to be leaning on the well-used glaive he carried. The weapon had a series of deep scratches on the blade- XII.

"Maybe…" Ghin flipped his tonfa around a few times, smirking. "But I'm not very good at listening to anyone who's not my captain."

"Grr… I hate smart-ass men!" The woman raced at Ghin, swinging her sword at his head. He blocked with one tonfa, taking a step back- and immediately had to jump to the side, as the woman's partner swung his glaive up and in with surprising speed, jabbing like a striking snake.

"In that case, I'll let my weapons do the talking. Demonic Dance!" It was the first time in years Ghin had named a technique aloud. This time, no one laughed. Leaping forwards, Ghin landed in a crouch, spinning one tonfa down with the intent of smashing the swordswoman's foot. He missed as she jumped backwards.

A set of rapid, serpentine strikes from the man with the glaive caused Ghin to go tumbling through the streets to avoid being sliced open. Diving into a roll, the rigger barely tucked his head in fast enough to avoid being scalped. He prepared to launch another attack as he came to his knees- only to have to immediately roll some more, sideways this time, in order to keep from being skewered by the glaive.

A sharp sting lanced along the side of his face as Ghin blocked a sword strike, only for the woman to roll her blade over his weapon. Blood dripped down his cheek. The Straw Hat rigger growled. Planting one hand, he spun up and around, kicking the woman in the side and spinning his free tonfa as if to smash into her thigh. "Black Dog's Howl!" The swordswoman blocked with her sword, but the momentum of Ghin's weapon forced the blade back to bite lightly into its master's leg.

Ghin's actions led to him being stabbed in the shoulder as the glaive-wielder thrust his weapon past his partner, driving Ghin back. Hissing, the rigger flexed his arm. Nothing major felt damaged, but it stung something fierce. The glaive-wielder stepped in during that moment, spinning his weapon in his hands to bring the blunt cap on the other end down on Ghin's clavicle. Bone cracked; Ghin growled. The female member of the pair he was fighting giggled.

"Ooh, nice shot Mr Twelve."

"Thank you Misssssssss Ssssssssssaturday." The man's tongue had a large piercing in it that caused him to hiss when he spoke.

 _The problem_ , Ghin thought as he blocked a series of rapid strikes from a sword, _is that they can both hit me at once, from different ranges_. If he could only force Twelve closer, so he and Saturday would get in each other's way… _Aha_. That should do it. Ghin's smirk grew, despite the rain of blows coming down on him.

Of course, even once he had a plan, it wasn't easily executed. Cartwheeling out of the way as the sword and glaive swung in tandem, Ghin flinched as his cracked collarbone sang in protest. A quick kick knocked the sword to the side as Saturday tried to cut him again, aiming for a kidney this time. Ghin spun on his base leg, intending to smash his tonfa into her back if he got the chance, but was forced to abort at the last minute by a great arcing slash of Twelve's glaive. The Straw Hat rigger leapt backwards.

And then the polearm darted in with a stab aimed at his guts. Ghin stepped to the side, just enough that the glaive scraped along his hip instead. Before Twelve could pull back, the rigger spun one tonfa down _hard_ on the handle of the weapon. Wood snapped and splintered; the air was cut by an explosive crack. Ghin's smirk evolved into a proper grin as he kicked the blade end of the broken glaive away.

"Not so tough now, are you?"

"Just because you've destroyed my glaive doesn't mean you can expect to win!" Twelve stepped in, jabbing at Ghin's stomach with the broken end of his splintered weapon. At the same moment, Saturday slashed down vertically, aiming for the top of the rigger's head. Stepping just to the side, Ghin jumped up, coming down with his foot on top of both weapons, pinning them to the ground. His opponents had half a second to try and tug free. A pair of tonfa spun out and down, crashing into Twelve and Saturday's heads simultaneously as the Baroque Works agents glanced up at him in confused anger.

"Asmodeus." A quick reversal of direction on his spin; immediately after crashing his tonfa down on his targets' heads, he flicked and spun his weapons the other way, into their chests, firing them backwards. Twisting his heel hard was enough to break the sword under his foot, and further crush and splinter the broken glaive haft.

Neither Twelve nor Saturday moved. Ghin kicked them a few times just to make sure, but still got no reaction. Alright. The rigger bandaged his shoulder and hip quickly, considering his options. Johnny and Yosaku, or Lisa and Vivi- who needed his help more?

X

"You're going too fast!" Lisa told Carue as the duck raced along. She couldn't mix her paints at this speed- there was far too much shaking. The duck ignored her though, continuing to run at eye-watering speed along the wall, then down a set of stairs and through the streets. The bladed man who'd been after them was long gone. But Vivi- the one who Carue would actually _listen_ to- had yet to call him to a halt.

"I thought you said you were going to fight with us?" Lisa asked the princess. "Why are we running away? There's two of us and one of him."

Vivi clenched her fingers in Carue's feathers. "But… Wasn't that Mr One?"

"Um…" Lisa thought for a minute about everything she'd heard about her former co-worker. Large, grim man; powerful assassin; something about blades? "Maybe? I never saw him, so I can't be sure- Mr Three always sent me away on solo missions when officer meetings came up."

If it was Mr One, then Vivi was right- Lisa was pretty sure they wouldn't be able to take him down. Luffy or Zoro could… But neither of them was here now. So they needed to make a plan, find somewhere they could use their surroundings to their advantage to fight a man who would otherwise destroy them. That was something Mr Three had drilled into Lisa's head time and time again. But… How could they make plans for an opponent whose strengths and weaknesses they didn't know? All Lisa could be sure of with Mr One was that he had some kind of Devil Fruit.

"QUAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Carue went down with a loud cry, the duck keeling forward into a roll as if he'd tripped over something. Lisa and Vivi flung themselves clear before Carue could crush them with his momentum. The princess landed in a crouch, her Peacock Slashers out and ready; Lisa rolled to her knees and glanced around, gripping her paintbrush tightly. Sunlight shone off steel- Carue had been tripped by the blade of a falchion. A falchion that rose slowly, to the sound of deranged laughter.

"Gihirarararara!" A familiar plumed black hood and yellow scarf- Miss Tuesday. And Mr Ten wasn't far behind her spinning his reed pipe in a threatening manner. Both agents looked far worse for wear, their skin covered in raw patches, blisters, and large, crusty scabs. Their clothes were full of holes.

"Well, they're not the ones who scarred us," Ten pointed out lazily. From the way he was loading darts into his pipe, though, he really didn't care. And neither did Tuesday. The woman raised her sword before her face, licking along the side of the blade.

"Doesn't matter dearest. We'll take out the princess- maybe that way the boss'll forgive us for knowing his name. _Then_ we'll find those bastards who scarred my beautiful face. I can't _wait_ \- I'm gonna cut a hole in their navels and turn them inside out through it."

"…Isn't the navel _already_ a hole though?" Ten wanted to know. Tuesday shot him a scathing look.

" _No_. Ergh… I love you, dearest, but you're dumb as bricks. Just let me do the thinking." Turning back towards Vivi and Lisa, Tuesday grinned. It was an evil, manic grin, one that sent shivers down Lisa's spine despite knowing these people were barely a threat. "And right now, I'm thinking I should scar these girlies like their friends did _me_."

Flashing in the sunlight, the great, shining falchion swiped for Vivi's head. The princess ducked; in the brief instant that Tuesday's blade blocked her sight, Lisa splattered the woman with a paint that didn't take any time to mix.

"Sadness Blue!" No runes, just a great swathe of paint. Tuesday hesitated for a moment when the colour splashed across her chest- and then she got _angry_.

"Your friends _ruined_ me!" Tuesday's eyes glowed red as she swung her heavy blade. Tears welled up thick from the corners, pouring down her burned face. "They made me _ugly_ , _burned_ me! And it hurt so much… I can't just take this lying down!"

Being small made ducking around the massive falchion somewhat easier, for which Lisa was glad. The little painter frowned as she considered her lack of success. This seemed more like anger than sadness… Although, she supposed everyone acted differently when they were sad, so it was possible that _some_ people conflated the two emotions. Well, it just meant she'd have to try something else.

Ping! Ping! Vivi's Peacock Slashers bounced harmlessly off Tuesday's falchion when the princess tried to attack the agent, too light to push the deranged woman back. And beneath the ringing, Lisa heard several faint puffs of air. Darts. Mr Ten was blowing darts at the painter and the princess. Lisa curled as small as she could and held her palette in front of her as soon as she heard the noise; several small points thudded into wood, and one lodged in the brim of her hat. Several _more_ darts caught in Vivi's robes as the princess danced out of the way, but it didn't look like she'd been hit.

When Ten went to reload his blowgun, Lisa darted in under Tuesday's falchion. Her paintbrush flashed as she approached the male of the pair. This wouldn't last long, but it would make a good distraction while she and Vivi did something more permanent. "Bullfight Red!"

Brilliant red splashed across Mr Ten's chest in a great swirl- Lisa knew better than to aim for the clothes on someone who could take them off easily. The little painter darted away immediately, racing back to Vivi as her paints took effect. And while Ten just looked baffled by the colour on his chest, unsure what it was supposed to do, Tuesday's already red eyes glowed even brighter. The enraged woman began attacking her partner; Ten scrambled away from each strike, yelping in shock.

"Hey! You're supposed to be fighting _them_ , not _me!_ "

"I can't help it! You're just making me so _angry_ right now!"

" _Why?!_ What did I do?!"

"I don't _know!_ "

"That won't last forever," Lisa pointed out to a confused Vivi. The princess shook herself and nodded.

"Of course not. So… What do you plan to do?"

"You can tie them up with your Peacock Slashers, right?" Vivi nodded at Lisa's words, although she didn't look the happiest about it. The little painter ignored that and continued. "I need them distracted for a minute so I can mix things, then I'll settle them down so you can tie them up." She got to work right away, before the princess got a chance to answer.

"If you're sure…" Vivi spun her Peacock Slashers in preparation, but no attack came. Tuesday was still swinging at her partner, and Ten was too busy dodging to fire off anymore darts.

Lisa wasted no time mixing together the right colours- she was _so_ glad King Cobra had let her resupply from the royal stores. Although, even with that, she was still running low on blue and yellow… She'd been using them a lot recently. It was a good thing to remember for the future. "Calming Green Bindrune: Svefnthorn!"

Both frontier agents immediately slowed, dazed. Tuesday took one more half-hearted swipe at Ten before yawning and leaning on her falchion for support, and her partner wasn't in much better shape. Groaning, Ten raised his reed pipe to his lips, only to fall on his face before he could fire any darts. Seconds later, a loud snore was heard.

Vivi blinked. "What was _that?_ "

"I combined Calming Green with the bindrune of sleep." Lisa shrugged. "It wasn't practical for the moles cause we still needed them to answer questions, but I figured here…"

Shaking her head, Vivi moved to tie the two insensate agents up. "Your hypnotism is absolutely _terrifying_ , and I think Jones showing you all those symbols just made it _scarier_."

Lisa shrugged. "Yeah, Usopp thinks so too."

X

"H2O Jet!" Johnny hit the ground running, with Yosaku right behind him. The blue hunter spun a dial on the side of his nozzle, using a jet of pure water to fire an exploding booger out of the air. Then Yosaku took over while his partner pumped the stock of his gun to build up more air pressure.

"H2O Cone!" A broader spray of water drenched the exploding man from head to foot. Their target wiped sopping hair out of his eyes with a grimace of disgust- which quickly turned into a dark smile.

"You two aren't very smart, are you? Should've used salt water." The exploding man pulled out a pistol and blew air into it. "Breeze Breath Bomb!"

Nothing seemed to come out when he pulled the trigger. However, an instant later, an explosion went off beside Yosaku, making a great pit in the street. The green hunter dove out of the way, crouching behind a dumpster for cover. This didn't help him much, as a second later, another Breeze Breath Bomb blew the dumpster sky-high.

"Crap! Fighting him from a distance won't work, Bro!"

Johnny nodded. "Alright. I'll go in close, see if that's any better. Back me up!"

"Always!"

Holstering his spray gun, Johnny drew his dadao and charged with a wild yell. The bomb man sneered at him, stepping aside just enough to avoid being hit before slamming a shin into the blue hunter's stomach.

"That won't work either. I ate the Boom-Boom Fruit; I can make any part of my body explode at will, whether it's attached or not. Kick Bomb!"

KA-BOOM! A great blast fired Johnny backwards, sending him crashing into a wall hard enough that it cracked. Coughing, the blue hunter dropped to the ground. His lungs _burned_ as he tried to get his breath back, and his back and stomach felt like he'd just spent half an hour sparring with Zoro. He couldn't take many more of those. And his robes were burnt too… Well, at least he wasn't wearing his coat. He'd have hated to ruin that- Yosaku made it for him.

But… If this guy could make _any_ part of his body explode, where did that leave them? They couldn't fight close up any more than they could from a distance. Not cool! If only they'd thought to use salt water… But it didn't mix the same in solution, so their guns wouldn't have worked properly at _all_. But maybe… Johnny looked over at Yosaku and opened his mouth. He didn't have to say anything though; Yosaku already knew what he was thinking.

"Already on it, Bro. On my signal!"

Nodding, Johnny switched back to his spray gun and spun the dials. And not a moment too soon- he had barely finished adjusting when Yosaku called out again.

"Acid Rain 100 Cone!"

"Base Drops 100 Cone!"

Pure sprays of undiluted sulphuric acid and lye shot out to engulf the bomb man. They were strong- even stronger than even the initial solution the hunters had used on Mr Ten and Miss Tuesday- but Johnny and Yosaku weren't sure if the reaction would work right if the chemicals were diluted. Although regardless of the actual _reaction_ working, they didn't know if the _result_ they were looking for would.

"AAARRRRRRRRGH!" The bomb man staggered back, one hand covering his eyes, as the twin cones of corrosion poured down on him. His clothes smoked; parts of them seemed to simply _vanish_ , while others had holes eaten in them the conventional way, slowly but visibly rotting under the assault. Red burns rose on his exposed skin- but not as many or as intensely as in the hunters' previous battle, despite a stronger concentration. The acid and the base were neutralizing each other, forming water…

And a salt.

However, this particular salt- sodium sulphate- didn't seem to have much effect on Devil Fruit users. Unless it was to make them angry, but that could just as easily have come from being doused by corrosive liquids in the first place. The bomb man exploded with rage- literally. When he reformed, he appeared to have gotten rid of all traces of the chemicals he'd been sprayed with. He glared at the hunters, so forcefully that one lens of his sunglasses cracked.

"You're going to _pay_ for that."

The bomb man launched himself forwards with a tiny explosion, similar to Jones flinging herself around with forces. Johnny yelped and tried to duck out of the way, but he wasn't fast enough. Even so, though, he felt nothing except a rough shove- not what he was expecting. Opening his eyes- which he had apparently closed on reflex without noticing- Johnny caught a brief glimpse of Yosaku standing over him, their opponent's arms wrapped around his shoulders. The green hunter had pushed his partner out of the way.

"Full Body Explosion!"

Twin yells echoed as an explosion rocked the street- Yosaku's of pain, Johnny's of fear. Both could barely be heard over the explosion itself, great enough to rock the stones and bright enough to blind Johnny even through his sunglasses. And even when he could see again, it was only for a few seconds- soon enough, he found himself blinded by tears.

Yosaku was still standing as the bomb man reformed, still breathing… But that was about all that could be said for him. The green hunter was dressed in ragged tatters, most of his clothes burned away, and every inch of him Johnny could see was covered in burns. One of his arms looked broken, and his eyes had rolled back to show mostly white. He _couldn't_ be conscious anymore, not after a blast like that at close range.

"Heh. It figures." The bomb man released Yosaku and pushed him aside, causing the green hunter to fall into a crumpled heap. "Even with those _nasty_ weapons of yours, a couple of ragged pirates are no match for a Baroque Works officer agent."

"You _bastard_." Johnny rolled away when the bomb man went to grab him. Couldn't let himself be caught, couldn't let himself be touched. He had to avenge Yosaku and get him to a doctor. Find Chopper. As long as Yosaku was still breathing, Chopper would be able to heal him, right?

Couldn't use the spray guns now- if he did, he might hit Yosaku. Drawing his dadao, Johnny swung at the bomb man rapidly, no real pattern to his movements. He didn't have a plan, didn't think there _was_ a way to safely fight someone like this up close. Or at all. Johnny dodged blindly whenever the bomb man tried to hit him or flick something at him, never sure if it was just a distraction or a potential explosion. And then one of his dodges came too slow. Instinctively, Johnny batted the incoming arm aside with his blade, still not thinking.

He drew blood.

If the man in front of him hadn't just blown up Yosaku, Johnny would've grinned. As it was, he settled for a malicious glare. "So… You're made of bombs, but it looks like you still _bleed_."

"Except you're forgetting one thing. _I can make any part of my body explode, attached to me or no!_ " A small, red explosion lit up on Johnny's dadao at those words, knocking the sword out of his hands. Milliseconds later, an explosive punch caught him in the chest and knocked him flying into a wall.

Dazed, it took a moment for Johnny to get up. A moment during which the bomb man lunged in, fist at the ready, preparing for another explosive strike. Johnny closed his eyes and grit hit teeth, still too dazed and slow to get out of the way in time.

Steel rasped against leather, then all sound came to a sudden halt. This lasted only a second, before a broken voice rasped out, "I wouldn't do that if I was you. Finish that punch, and it'll be the last thing you ever do."

Opening his eyes, Johnny saw Yosaku- _awake_. The green hunter looked like someone had painted him with the fluid from blisters and his own blood, but he was on his knees and glaring, his dadao held up to rest at the base of the bomb man's neck. The bomb man froze; Johnny guessed that exploding blood or no, the guy would still be pretty badly off if a sword went through his neck. Slowly, using a wall for support, Yosaku dragged himself to his feet. He kept his blade at the base of the bomb man's neck… Right up to the moment where he flicked his wrist up and around, slamming the flat of the blade into the man's temple. _Hard_.

When that failed to immediately knock the agent out, Yosaku hit him a few more times, blindingly fast, with all different parts of his sword on all different parts of the bomb man's head. Johnny picked up his own weapon to assist his partner- the bomb man seemed to have a pretty hard head. Between the two of them, they rained probably fifty strikes down on the supposedly explosive skull. And the agent was too stunned from the first blow to do much about it.

Eventually, he went down like a tree.

So did Yosaku. Apparently that barrage took all the strength the green hunter had; he fell back to his knees, dropping his sword and supporting himself with shaking arms to keep from falling on his face. Steel clattered on stone. Panting, Yosaku glanced up at his partner. "You alright Johnny?"

"Yeah…" The blue hunter winced at the shape his partner was in. But Yosaku was smiling- or at least trying to. It looked more like a pained grimace.

"Good… Couldn't stand it if I lost you." Pausing and panting, Yosaku frowned. "And… Your back?"

"Unmarked. He never got a chance at it."

"That's good too. And mine?"

Johnny smiled gently. "About the only part of you he _didn't_ mark, Bro."

That made Yosaku laugh for some reason. Probably relief; Johnny didn't want to think of anything else that might've been behind the sudden outburst. "Ehehehehahahahaha! Goo- _ow_. That hurt…" Coughing and shaking, Yosaku shot Johnny an apologetic look. "Sorry Bro, but I think you're gonna have to carry me to Chopper. I can't fell my- ergh."

The green hunter lost his grip on consciousness, falling forwards onto the stone. Johnny nodded. He carefully heaved Yosaku up onto his shoulders, then picked up his partner's sword. "Don't worry Bro, I got this. You just rest."

X

Unfortunately, one thing I'd failed to plan for was what to do with the accellegators once we got to Alubarna. As we came up on the city, I could see flames leaping above the great walls, hear people rushing about as soldiers shouted orders, but… Well, releasing a couple gators into the situation would just make it worse. By the time I thought of this, though, we were too close to the city. They might've gone in even if we released them outside the walls, depending on whether or not they felt like attacking _people_.

Oh wait, we had someone who could talk to animals with us. "Chopper, do you think these guys would listen if you told them to go back to the river?"

The little doctor shrugged and glanced down at Chewie. He spent a few minutes grunting and yipping at her; Chewie responded with muffled growls. The doctor sighed and shook his head. "Sorry… She says she smells food, so she's going in and finding it no matter what."

 _Tabarnak_. "Alright everyone, for the safety of the city, either someone has to stay behind and keep an eye on the gators, or we have to knock them out when we get off."

Luffy nodded. "I got it!" Then he frowned and addressed me with a whine. "Ne, Jones… If we already kicked Crocodile's ass and he was the captain, who'm I supposed to fight this time?"

Zoro grinned, tying his bandanna around his head. "Anyone we don't get to first."

Chewie and Chomp scampered up the stairs to Alubarna's gate, saliva dripping from the corners of their mouths. Not that they ever got to taste whatever they were drooling over; as soon as we were in the city, Luffy jumped up into the ait and delivered heavy blows to the gators' heads, forcing me to leap out of the way and Ace to go intangible. "Gum-Gum Double Stamp!"

I hit the dirt with my forearms first, head turned to the side- a perfect front break fall. "Watch where you're kicking, Captain!"

"Shishishishishi! Sorry Jones!"

Let's see, where would I be most useful? Probably stopping the fires; they were far too blue and green to be natural. I'd have to figure out what chemicals were involved. Rolling to my feet, I scrambled off towards the nearest blaze. Not that getting there was easy- I'd never seen a good map of Alubarna, and all the back streets were narrow and confusing. I hit a couple dead ends before managing to find what seemed to be a viable path. Only, before I could get anywhere near the building- which appeared to be a burning tannery- something heavy crashed into the street in front of me, sending up a cloud of dust and splinters of stone.

A blonde woman dressed all in orange and yellow walked towards me as the dust settled, twirling her parasol. Miss Valentine. She shook her head, staring down at me with condescension. "Oh- you're one of the pirates we saw on the security snails. You poor girl. So outclassed. Here; I'll do you the favour of ending this quickly. 10,000 Kilo Press!"

Jumping high into the air, she floated for a minute under her parasol, drifting on a light breeze- before suddenly falling towards me and Ruatha with the speed of a comet. My dragon shrieked in my ear. I didn't have time to think… No time to do anything, really, except look up and raise an arm above my head on reflex, a textbook upper block. Miss Valentine's heeled shoe slammed into my forearm- and that was all. Forget being crushed, I wasn't even hurt or pushed backwards. The ground around me remained perfectly whole, not a single crack from the impact. Unable to balance on my arm, Valentine fell over onto her back in front of me.

"Whaaaaaat?"

 _Oh_. I couldn't help myself; I burst out laughing. "Sesehihihihihi! This is gonna be _fun!_ " Ruatha chirped his agreement, wrapping his tail more tightly around my arm. His face split wide with a draconic grin.

Miss Valentine didn't respond, continuing to stare up at me in horror and confusion. I grinned. Poor girl. Well, the least I could do was explain the cause of her defeat. Thank you, _thank you_ , other me, for giving me at least one fight in this story where I had the clear advantage. And a fight that could give me _ideas_. After all, the way Valentine's fruit worked… It was something I should be able to emulate. Gravity is a force, after all.

"You ate the Kilo-Kilo Fruit, right?" When Miss Valentine nodded, my grin broadened until it was almost painful. "Now, with a name like that, you _should_ be able to change your mass at will. You can't, though, can you? What you _do_ do is change your _weight_ \- AKA, the force of gravity as it acts on your body. A neat trick, but if we were going for accurate units of measurement, it'd really be called the Newton-Newton Fruit. Then again, that would overlap with other forces as well, which you can't manipulate."

Not even moving, I released the force I'd absorbed from Valentine's attack through one of my feet. Stone _shattered_ , forming a pitted crater. "But I _can_."

To her credit, Miss Valentine didn't stay on the ground after my demonstration. What she _did_ do, though, was jump up into the air and come down on me _again_ , one leg extended, as if she thought using a _slightly_ different technique would have a different result. "10,000 Kilo Guillotine!"

I caught her leg as it came towards Ruatha and the back of my neck, force singing up my arms to coil in the pit of my stomach. Too many of these would probably make me sick, but as long as I discharged after each strike, I would be fine. Slamming Valentine sideways into a wall, I decided that this would be an excellent time to try out the techniques Doya had taught me in actual combat.

"Pentagon Punch!" Five rapid strikes- one to each major body quadrant and one to the head. Valentine curled in on herself, blocking me; I released just a tiny bit of force each time I made contact so that it hurt anyway. And before she could think of anything else to do, any ways to counter me that maybe _didn't_ involve her powers, I continued.

"Seven Shade Smash!" Seven more strikes, this time to the chakras- I wondered idly if this technique would do anything against Haki users. Unlikely, but worth a try… I should get Ace to help me test it, since he would be with us for a while.

"Shell Game!" I tucked and rolled for Valentine's knees as she got to her feet; this time she managed to dodge, jumping over me and lessening her weight to float. That just put her in positing for me to catch her with a different technique, though, as I immediately turned and launched a flying tackle that knocked her to the ground. "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaame!"

I had her pinned to the ground now. Valentine snarled and bit me, abandoning her image of a prissy little lady. And her teeth were sharp! I pulled back with a hiss, my wrist bleeding from the shallow wound. Valentine took advantage of my distraction to plant her feet on my stomach and _shove_ , sending me rolling away over her head. I growled as I came to my feet- I hate being thrown that way.

"10,000 Kilo Shock!" Jumping up, Miss Valentine came down hard on the _road_ this time, rather than trying to squish _me_. Smart. A wave of dust and splinters flew up at me; I covered my eyes for a second to make sure my glasses weren't damaged. Ruatha keened and buried his face in the back of my head. When I uncovered my eyes, it was just in time to take a parasol to the face. One which was surprisingly sturdy- good steel. I guess it was _meant_ to be used as a weapon. But even so…

"Impact-based attacks won't _work_ in me~!" I sang. "You're not strong enough to override my defenses~!"

My raspy sing-song probably only served to annoy her. Valentine let out a wordless yell of rage before jumping up and trying to hit me again. Yes, because doing even _more_ of what had failed before was sure to work. Her face turned red this time; she was visibly strained as she tried to use her powers _more_ , tried to build up enough force to overcome my damage resistance. "20,000 Kilo Press!"

"Newton's Third!" Instead of absorbing the force to blow it back later, I reflected it directly. And no, I hadn't been certain I could do that, but if I absorbed another round that was twice as much as previous, I would either explode or be sick, so I had to try. I still hadn't discharged everything yet. The reflected force sent Valentine tumbling down the street, rolling head over heels until she came to rest up against the wall of what looked like a blacksmith's shop.

Every time she flipped over, I caught a glimpse of neon orange panties as her skirt flew up.

"Your stupidity annoys me," I informed Miss Valentine as she got dazedly back to her feet. Reflecting all that force made my wrist sing with discomfort; I shook it out as I spoke. "You _know_ my powers keep yours from hurting me, but you keep trying to do the same thing. Devil Fruits are supposed to be about being _creative_ , about taking whatever fruit you get and _breaking the Hell out of it_ using whatever knowledge and ideas and _puns_ you can. That does _not_ mean doing the same thing over and over when it's not working. There _has_ to be something else you can do with it."

Miss Valentine shook her head. "Not for fighting. Just… torture. And if what you're saying is right, it wouldn't work on you either." Her face was pale, sweaty- but sadly, she wasn't showing the same level of disbelief as Enel would on meeting Luffy. Oh well, can't have everything.

"Then I suggest you take some time to figure things out after I'm finished kicking your ass from here to Pluto." Which could be an _extremely_ long distance, since Pluto was in another dimension. Stepping in before my opponent could move, I began the dugong-fu finishing technique that Doya had shown me. Rapid jabs to nearly fifty pressure points, followed by a spinning kick to the lower back that sent Miss Valentine crashing to the ground.

"Lumbarjack!"

"Oof!" Valentine couldn't get up- the pressure point strikes had temporarily paralyzed her arms and legs. It would wear off in about ten minutes or so. I bound her quickly, using whatever I could find- hair ties, bits of string, and what little tape I had left. Then I sat her up in a sheltered alley between two stone buildings.

"There. You should be safe here until it's time for cleanup. Man, I wish I had some kairoseki shackles." I shook my head. "Now, you sit here and be a good girl while my friends and I save this city. And _here's_ what it means to be creative with a Devil Fruit. Spider Climb!"

Channelling friction through my hands and knees, I crawled up the nearest wall. Maybe finding my way through these confusing streets would be easier if I went over the rooftops instead. Before I could continue on my way to the fire though, I remembered something that made my blood run cold. Shaking, I changed direction. Now… Where was that clocktower?

X

"Boric acid, methanol, and wax," Usopp muttered as he examined the residue left over by flames that had long since moved on. Nope, no way was water going to help here- in fact, it would just make things spread _faster_ with a mix like that. No wonder the Royal Army was having so much trouble controlling the fires. They needed sodium bicarbonate, which he was willing to bet _wasn't_ standard issue.

Problem was, Usopp didn't have anywhere _near_ enough sodium bicarbonate to put out a building fire, let alone several of them. Dammit… Having Ace around would be _really_ useful about now- _he_ could probably put out the fires, with his powers being what they were. Devil Fruits sure were useful.

Usopp shook away his melancholy thoughts. He didn't need a Devil Fruit- he had _science_ on his side! But science wasn't giving him a way to get more sodium bicarbonate quickly, so he needed to find a bakery.

Running along narrow, cobbled streets, though, a bakery was the one thing Usopp _couldn't_ find. He ran past textile warehouses, spice shops, jewel merchants, and even a pet store, but didn't see _anything_ that looked like it would have baking supplies. Not even a tiny coffee shop. Although he made a note of which stores he passed anyways for after, when all the fighting was done and they had a chance to resupply.

Something in one of the burning buildings exploded as he ran past, sending Usopp tumbling down the road. Groaning, the gunner rolled to his feet just in time to see a familiar figure stroll out of an alleyway, whistling. Blue and white shirt, number-shaped topknot…

"You're Mr Three!" Usopp jumped back, pointing an accusing finger at the Baroque Works agent. "We met you on Little Garden!"

Three paused midway through a step. "On Little Ga-? Oh. You're one of those pirates. The duck-rider with the torches." The candle man shook his head disparagingly. "Tch. How many of you children _are_ there? I thought this would be easy, even with having gotten back late, but then what we saw on the snail… Oh well, we'll find a way to handle you, I'm sure."

"That's what you think!" A shiver of fear ran down Usopp's spine, setting the gunner's knees shaking. He pulled one of his special bullets from his bag and loaded it into his slingshot. Drawing back on his weapon, Usopp grinned. "But behold! I have one sure-fire combination you'll never defeat!"

"Oh really?" Mr Three took a step forwards. Before he could get any closer than that, Usopp let fly.

"Smoke Star!" The special bullet crashed into Three's face, exploding into a formidable cloud of thick, brownish smoke. Before the Baroque Works agent could step clear of the cloud, Usopp spun on the ball of his foot to begin his second technique. "Usopp Run Away!"

After all, the gunner thought as he scrambled through narrow back streets, Luffy had beaten this guy before. He could do it again- although Usopp wasn't exactly sure how long it would take his captain to get there. Hopefully not long. And it wasn't like Usopp getting himself beaten up by someone _clearly_ above his level would do anyone any good. No, everyone would be better off if he found some way to put out those chemical fires. _That_ was something he could do.

It took only a few minutes for Usopp to be well clear of Mr Three and back on his search for a bakery. Which was still turning up nothing… Maybe he was in the wrong part of the city? With how thoroughly he'd searched this quarter, it seemed likely. Turning to head to a different sector, Usopp ran headlong into something large and hairy that appeared around a corner in a clatter of hooves. Falling back on his ass, the gunner stared up at…

"Chopper! You guys are here?"

"Just got here," the reindeer nodded, popping into Brain Point as he looked around. The tiny alligator that had been riding his back- and did it have a banana growing out of its head?- fell on the ground with a growl. "What's going on? Ghin sounded like he was panicking, and part of the message was cut off."

"We got rid of the moles, but some of the upper-tier Baroque Works agents are still attacking," the gunner explained in a rush. He glanced around as he spoke, checking to make sure none of the aforementioned agents were coming down on them. "Plus I'm pretty sure Mr Three- you weren't there, but we met him on Little Garden- lit all these fires as some sort of distraction. I'm trying to find a way to put them out."

Chopper glared up at the fires over the rooftops. "All this- as a distraction? Have these people no respect for _life_?"

Usopp shrugged. "I dunno. I'm just trying to put them out before they cover the whole city. You didn't happen to see or smell a bakery on your way here, did you?"

Shaking his head, Chopper popped back into Walk Point, scooping his bananagator up with his antlers. Usopp wondered what was so important about the small, snarling reptile. "No, but I'll help you look. Hop on; I can run faster."

The gunner nodded and mounted up, clinging awkwardly to thick fur. Sharp hooves pawed at stone for a moment before Chopper took off, galloping through Alubarna with a cacophony of clicking. Buildings blurred as the two pirates raced past, the doctor's nose twitching for the telltale scent of a bakery. Usopp kept his eyes peeled, staring ahead for any signs of what he needed. Preferably literal signs, but he wasn't sure those were a thing in Alabasta the same as they were in the East Blue.

Looking out and up, though, meant the two young pirates were missing one crucial area- the ground. Neither of them saw the furrow racing towards them from the opposite direction until it was right beneath Chopper's hooves. The reindeer went flying head over heels, sending Usopp tumbling away. Where he'd been an instant before, a stocky, redheaded woman with oversized claw-hands and a pointed nose burst out of a fresh hole in the street.

She shot them a hostile glare; Usopp and Chopper stared back in silence. Somehow, despite the nearby presence of several burning buildings, for a moment the only sound was of a lonely desert cricket chirping in somebody's window box. Usopp cocked his head to the side as he considered this strange newcomer. What did she remind him of…?

"Okay… My bad Chopper. Looks like we didn't get rid of _all_ the moles."

Despite the presence of a clear hostile, Chopper let out a bark of laughter at the pun. So did the bananagator. The mole woman was far less amused, her glare intensifying. When she spoke, her words came out in an angry torrent. "What'reyoukidsdoingrunningaroundhere? Youmustbesomeofthosepiratebrats! Dammitwhere'smygoodfornothingpartnerwhenIneedhim?!"

She charged them while Usopp was still sorting out what she'd said, raking great curved claws across at chest level. The front of his overalls tore, five jagged lines. Red lines underneath echoed them, bleeding sluggishly from shallow wounds. Usopp hissed at the sting, stumbling back a few steps on instinct. "Gah!"

"Wellyoudon'tseemtootough. Mustbetheruntsofthelitter. IcanprobablytakecareofyouandyourpetbeforeFourgetsbackanyways." The woman swiped at him again. This time Usopp ducked under her claws. Too close!

Curling one hand into a fist- which felt distinctly unnatural for a ranged fighter- the Straw Hat gunner launched a punch into his apparent opponent's stomach. His knuckles immediately began to ache, unused to such punishment. Usopp winced and shook his hand. At least he'd kept his thumb to the outside. With the way his bones were singing, he'd likely have broken it otherwise. The gunner thanked days of watching his melee-oriented crew mates train for the fact that he hadn't made _that_ mistake.

Unfortunately for him, his opponent didn't seem to be affected by his punch at all. The mole woman swiped at him again, knocking Usopp into a wall. "You'llhavetodobetterthanthat! Evenamolezoanlikeme'satoughlittlething! Brat!"

"Ow…" Groaning in pain, Usopp scrambled back and pulled out his slingshot. Quickly reaching into his bag, he fired the first shot that came to hand. "Lead Star!"

The ball bounced off the mole woman's glasses, causing the left lens to crack in a spider web pattern. She let out an enraged shriek, like a gull being strangled, before charging on all fours. Usopp yelped and curled in on himself, closing his eyes, too slow to dodge. Right when the gunner expected to be hit, hooves clattered on stone. Opening his eyes, Usopp saw Chopper snorting and pawing at the road, pinning the mole woman to a wall with his antlers. The doctor's bananagator had moved from his head to his back.

"You're outnumbered!" the reindeer grunted, lifting the woman higher so she couldn't kick him or get him with her claws. "And _I'm_ a zoan user too!"

Straightening, Usopp loaded and pulled back another Lead Star. Any of his special ammunition might get Chopper too, but this should be safe. Right as he was about to let fly, though, something crashed down into the road with a thunderous explosion.

 _ **ACH-BOOM!**_

Fire and heat erupted briefly in Usopp's face as he was flung backwards. His back united with a nearby building, sending a bolt of pain up his spine. The gunner crumpled at the base of the wall with a wheeze. It took him a minute to get to his feet. When he finally did, his gaze immediately settled on a large, blond man with a thick, fluffy scarf. The newcomer held what appeared to be a huge gun on one shoulder- a bazooka.

A bazooka in the shape of a dog.

Or rather, a bazooka that _was_ a dog, as was revealed a moment later when the towering man put it down. The world's most heavily armed dachshund raced across the ground as soon as it was released, barking loudly as it got into position. A drop of mucus dribbled from its nose. As for the man, he pulled a steel baseball bat from behind his back and gave it an experimental swing.

"IIIIIIIIIII'mmmmm nooooooot laaaaaaaaate, aaaaaaaam IIIIIIIIIIII?"

"Ofcourseyouareyougreatoaf!" The localized explosion had caused Chopper to stumble away, freeing the mole woman. She shook a clawed fist at her partner. "Thesekidsarepirates! Probablyfriendsonftheonesthattookouttheboss- they'retheonesMrOneisafter! Comeon! We'vegottacatchthem!"

"Oooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaay." Lumbering forwards, the huge man swung his bat as he approached. Every movement was _so_ _ **slow**_. Usopp thought he'd be fast enough to dodge, even at close range, so he prepared one of his new experiments and aimed at the newcomer's chest. But the bat sped up at the last second, too fast for the gunner to jump back or duck. Cold steel crashed into the side of Usopp's head, sending him crashing _through_ the wall with which his back had been becoming so well accustomed. Something crunched; the Straw Hat gunner felt his nose bend sideways, broken, an instant before stinging pain shot through his face.

"Usopp!" Clattering hooves were replaced by the slap of feet as Chopper popped into Heavy Point. The doctor knelt by the gunner's side. "Are you alright?!"

"I'b ogay." Not really. Talking hurt. Usopp winced as Chopper briskly snapped his nose back into place. Even before he could cry out in pain, though, the gunner saw an even bigger priority. "Doppew, dug!"

Instead of ducking, the reindeer whipped out his hockey stick and extended it to its full length. Steel met whatever strange metal Johnny and Yosaku had gotten a hold of in Drum Kingdom with a resounding clang. Growling, Chopper shoved the large man back. "Don't interrupt me when I'm looking after a patient!"

"Whatdoesitmatter? You'llbedeadsoonenough!" The mole woman lunged at Usopp; he responded by firing one of his experiments.

"Gwagling Daw!" A small ball- hollow glass, with a web of wire inside and another without- flew forth with a crackling noise. When it impacted, there was a brief flash of light and a loud snap. The mole woman stiffened and fell back. Her left arm twitched as she hit the ground.

She didn't stay down long though- the charge wasn't strong enough. Maybe he needed something inside to produce more static… A steel ball or something that would move around, rub on things. Usopp wasn't given any time to think about that, though, as the mole woman charged as soon as she got up. The Straw Hat gunner flinched on reflex and… nothing happened. Opening his eyes, Usopp didn't see the mole woman. Just a hole in the ground and a furrow rapidly approaching.

Something grabbed Usopp's feet- great curved claws. The mole woman had a strong grip; he couldn't break free. She dragged him through the ground, tossing up bits of stone as the road was broken apart by her burrowing. When he saw where her course was taking him, Usopp felt his blood run cold. _Oh no_. The last thing he needed when his nose was already broken was to get caught between a baseball bat and a hockey stick. He'd already had enough head trauma for one day.

Chopper apparently saw this too. Squeaking- which sounded very odd in the low voice of his largest form- the doctor tackled his opponent away. "Body Check!"

Usopp breathed a sigh of relief as both relentless bits of metal were carried well away from his head. That sigh turned to a frightened squeak a moment later, when he realized his current course would still take him face-first into the outer wall of the city. Crap, crap, crap, crap, _crap!_ Panicked, Usopp quickly flipped through his bag for anything that could help. Eggs? No. Tabasco sauce? No. Pepper? No. Ketchup? No.

Ah, there it was. Gunpowder.

Gritting his teeth in preparation, Usopp dropped three rounds towards his own feet. "Dwibble Ebwoding Daw!"

The explosions were small, but still quite painful. Usopp was thankful for his thick pants- they protected his ankles from the worst of the burns. They still stung though. And the mole woman holding him had no such protection. She released him with a squawk of pain. Scrambling away, Usopp glanced up at Chopper. The reindeer was locked in a contest of strength with his own opponent, muscles straining as stick pushed against bat.

And then the dog decided to remind them of its presence, firing what looked like a tennis ball at the ground near Chopper's feet. The resulting explosion knocked the reindeer flying. His slow, solid opponent appeared unaffected. Groaning, Chopper leaned on his stick as he got to his feet.

" _Ergh_ … _We're_ the ones who're outnumbered." The doctor rubbed his head. "Never let me brag like that again, 'kay Usopp? I shouldn't let being a pirate go to my head."

About to agree, the gunner was interrupted by a loud snap and a long, _**slow**_ yell. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The tiny bananagator had clamped its jaws down on the foot of the large man with the baseball bat. Flailing wildly- in a strangely slow, lumbering fashion- the large man dropped his weapon and hopped up and down on his uninjured foot.

Waving burned claws wildly, the mole woman immediately started berating her partner. "Yougreatoaf! Stopbeingsoclumsyandgetthem!"

Usopp and Chopper took advantage of the distraction. The gunner pulled a handful of bullets out of his bag and fired them off in rapid succession. Solid, explosive, rotten egg, hot sauce, another electrical cage, and a flaming lump of wax. And the pain in his nose had finally died down enough to pronounce his attack names properly. "Lead Star! Gunpowder Star! Rotten Egg Star! Special Tabasco Star! Crackling Star! Fire Star!"

Each bullet struck the mole woman in quick succession, leaving her bruised, charred, and confused. And just before the bullets hit, Chopper pulled out one of his special pills and popped it into his mouth with a crunch. "Rumble! Arm Point!"

Changing shape as he ran, the reindeer was beside their larger opponent before the slow man had even put his foot down. Chopper tossed his hockey stick high up in the air with a flick and spin before striking out with his hooves. Then he caught the stick as it came down and used it to deliver a punishing blow to his target's head. "Cloven Cross! High Stick!"

The large man staggered backwards, stunned, but not yet down. Before Chopper- or the little bananagator- could strike again, the ballistic dachshund struck again. "ACH-BOOM!"

This time the exploding baseball actually _hit_ Chopper, striking his chest and flinging him back even before it blew. His little bananagator buddy- and Usopp _really_ needed the story behind that- was thrown high into the air, squealing. Spinning on his heel, Usopp fired off a couple rounds at the heavily-armed canine as he ran over to his crew mate. "Double Fresh Egg Star!"

With the dachshund momentarily distracted, Usopp was able to check on Chopper. "You okay?"

Eyes spinning, the reindeer nodded. "Yeah… Tabarnak, I can't take much more of this, though. Can we end this quickly? I prefer to be conscious, in case I have to treat people in a bit."

Quickly… Usopp glanced up and took stock of the situation. The way the mole woman, the weaponized dachshund, and the large baseball player were lined up from this angle… "I think we can do it! Chopper, is your Rumble Ball still working?"

"For a few more seconds, yeah. Why?"

"I need you to go Horn Point, face that way, and trust me." Pointing at their opponents with one hand, Usopp fished in his bag with the other. A hammer, yes, good, now where were those industrial-size rubber bands…?

"Okay, if you say so… Horn Point!" Switching forms, Chopper dug his hooves into the stone and braced himself. Quickly wrapping his rubber bands around the reindeer's antlers, Usopp loaded his hammed and pulled back. When he released, the hammer flew with a mighty twang and a healthy spin.

"Uso-Chop Ten Pound Hammer!"

"Sorry!" Choper winced as Usopp released the missile, although it seemed to be more in sympathy for what was coming than any discomfort in his antlers.

THWA-THUD! The hammer spun into the mole woman, knocking her over backwards. She stumbled backwards, tripping over the weaponized dachshund and slamming into her slow partner. The whole trio went crashing to the ground. Usopp dashed over to tie them up before they could regain their senses; the dog snapped at him a little when he went to touch it, before… transforming into a bazooka?

Must be a Devil Fruit thing.

Once the Baroque Works agents were secured- even the gun-dog, although Usopp wasn't sure whether it could turn back or fire on its own- the gunner glanced over at Chopper. The doctor was carefully bandaging the wounded baby bananagator. Tiny growls and groans indicated the reptile's displeasure. It didn't try to bite though. Poor thing… One of its legs was badly burned, with two toes blown fully off.

"So…" Usopp went to rub his nose, but winced and pulled back at even the lightest touch. "Are you planning on keeping that?"

Chopper shrugged. "I- I dunno. He's all alone- his mother was killed by Crocodile as an example to the other gators, and gator fathers aren't really the parental type. The rest of the congregation weren't very helpful either… But he and Ruatha were arguing the whole ride over, so I don't think keeping Sharpie with us would be a good idea. I'll have to find him a good home somewhere before we leave." The little reindeer shook his head. "But that can wait. You said you needed to find a bakery; let's get back to that. Although… _Why_ do you need a bakery?"

"Sodium bicarbonate. We need baking powder to put out all these chemical fires- lots of it."

Nodding, Chopper finished bandaging the bananagator's leg and placed the reptile on his head before shifting into Walk Point. "Alright. Hop on; we can come back and get these guys later, once the city's been secured."

Usopp hesitated. "But your injuries…"

"I can still carry you." Chopper shot the gunner a reproachful look. "My legs are fine, and I'm a zoan user. We heal fast."

X

"Do you think anyone remembers we're here?" Jack asked, sitting on the edge of Alubarna's curtain wall and swinging his legs back and forth above the city's western gate. Mairead raised an eyebrow.

"I doubt they're thinking about us right now, whether they remember or not." With a sweep of her arm, the muscular woman indicated the whole of the burning city below. "We should probably go help. Although I'm not sure what we could do…"

"Are you kidding me?" Jack continued to swing his legs back and forth. "Vivi was my partner- my friend- but… There are _officer_ agents down there! All I'd manage would be to get myself killed."

Mairead groaned and rubbed her temples. "If only Mr Ei- Igaram was here. If we were together… With our partners, we might be able to do _something_. _You_ at least could go to Vivi and fight by her side."

"She was doing well enough a minute ago- I think I saw her working with Miss Goldenweek over there somewhere." Jack gestured vaguely to the northern sector of the city.

A few minutes passed in silence. Then Mairead let out a heavy sigh. "If we're not going to _do_ anything, why did you even want to come up here?"

Jack shrugged. "Moral support? Even if I can't do anything, I like to see and support the people who can. Those pirates are _winning_ , Baby."

"Don't call me Baby." However gruff her voice, Mairead was blushing as she admonished the man sitting beside her.

As they sat above the gate, Jack and Mairead were able to see everything that happened in the city. Fires, battles… The pair wished they'd thought to bring a spyglass in order to get a better look. Had they looked out at the desert, they would've seen a lone horseman galloping towards Alubarna. The figure slowed as it ascended the city's great stairs, coming to a halt soon after entering the gate. Dismounting, the rider climbed the narrow stairway to the top of the wall and took up an observation post not far from Jack and Mairead. Dark blue desert robes obscured the figure's features- aside from their great height.

"Sekhmet's blood… I can't believe I'm so late." The rider slumped in defeat.

That voice was familiar. Jack and Mairead glanced at each other before looking back at the new arrival. "I-Igaram?"

Blue fabric fell away as the captain of the Royal Guard turned to face the frontier agents. "Mr- Mimimimimi! Mr Nine? Miss Monday?"

"Jack and Mairead." Mairead huffed and folded her arms. "None of us are in Baroque Works anymore, so you can damn well use our names."

"Of course." Igaram looked out over the city with a mystified expression. "So that means… All those battles- the Straw Hats? The rebels-?"

"Rebellion's been taken care of," Mairead informed her old partner. "That's the Straw Hat kids fighting the officer agents and our fellow frontier agents who were called back. We don't know all of what's happening; we've just been watching, and we can't even see all that well."

"I see…" Shaking his head, Igaram seemed to lose all strength in his legs. He fell into an awkward sitting position near Jack, head in his hands. "And… is the princess alright? Are- are the Straw Hats winning?"

"Yes and yes."

Igaram shook his head again. "I suppose there's nothing really for me to do then." He paused, then smiled wryly. "I don't suppose either of you have any wine with you? I've had a _very_ stressful few years."

X

Sanji saw the foot snaking out around a corner just in time to jump. He spun in the air and landed facing his attacker. A familiar face- it was that okama they'd met when they arrived. Pink fabric fluttered in the wind as Mr Two leapt forward, one knee bent and the other leg trailing behind him. At the last moment, the okama paused. His face fell.

"Oh dear… I suspected, after the things Highlights said, but I'd hoped…"

"Hoped what? That you wouldn't have to fight us?" Sanji spat his cigarette onto the street and ground it out with his foot. "Stupid idea… If there's a shitty fight around, you can bet your last beri we'll be neck-deep in it."

"White Swan Arabesque!"

Shooting him another regretful look, Mr Two spun a round kick towards Sanji's head; the cook blocked with a round kick of his own, their strikes meeting shin to shin. A thoughtful frown creased Sanji's face. "The question is… Why _is_ there a fight? We kicked Crocodile's ass a little while ago- around the time you shitheads started attacking, if I remember that shitty War Dog's call right."

"We…" There was a clear moment of hesitation before the okama shook his head. Stepping down from their shin lock, he spun on his heel and tried to swing his other leg through Sanji's knees; the cook jumped over the strike. "Mr One ordered us to attack as soon as he saw on his video snail that Mr Zero had been defeated. He said that if we could defeat you and release the boss, the plan for Utopia could be salvaged."

Nodding, Sanji brought a foot up and down towards the okama's shoulder. "Épaule!" Mr Two jumped backwards to avoid being hit. The cook raised an eyebrow. "But from what Jones said, _you_ don't care about the shitty Utopia plan or whatever. Just finding someone named Ivankov."

"True." Launching a flurry of rapid, loose punches and kicks, Mr Two- no, Bentham, that was his name. Sanji needed to think of him by it; it took power away from organizations like Baroque Works, when you used the real names they tried to hide. Anyway, Bentham drove Sanji backwards into a wall before somersaulting in with an axe kick that crashed into the cook's head. "Drunken Swan Soiree! Wait Just a Fouette!"

Wincing, Sanji was knocked backwards. He landed on his hands and flipped up into a handstand. Quick spin allowed him to launch two kicks- to the ribs and back- before flipping back to his feet. "Côtelette! Selle! If you don't care about this Utopia business, why're we still fighting? I'd bet anything Jones knows where to find that Ivankov person- we could help you."

"Because if I switch sides, Mr One will come after _me_ as well. His loyalty to Mr Zero is absolute, and… _bloodthirsty_." Bentham shuddered. Then a sly look crossed his face. "So sorry Spirals. But unlike that uncouth, blade-bound muscle-head, I can bet _you_ wouldn't attack one of your friends."

Short black hair swirled into long blonde; dark eyes became wide, grey, and unfocused. Sanji let out a single snort of laughter as Bentham flailed. The okama had made a mistake. Without a hat or hair tie, ragged bangs and variegated strands of longer hair blocked his view and got in his mouth and nose; without Jones' stupidly thick glasses, her unfocused eyes were useless. And there was one more problem with the okama's assumption. Calling upon memories of exploded toasters, forgotten details, misleading advice, and assorted shenanigans, Sanji snapped his foot forwards into a spear-like kick to his opponent's chest. "Poitrine!"

"Gak!" Bentham changed back into himself as he flew backwards into a wall. Disbelief shone on his face. "You- you actually _hit_ your own _friend!_ "

"Yeah. We do that a lot." Thank whatever gods existed that the okama hadn't acquired Nami's darling face. Jones was one thing, but if he'd had to face the sweet navigator… Thankfully, that wasn't an issue. "Doesn't everyone?"

"Memoirs of a Summer's Day!" Spinning, spinning, spinning… Bentham went around like a top before slamming a kick into Sanji's side. He huffed and frowned as he set his foot down. "No… No, I don't think that's quite normal."

Oh. Well then. Sanji shrugged; he had no experience with people who _didn't_ hurt those they cared about- or those they didn't, but were supposed to. Suppressing memories with a shudder, the cook launched into a flurry of attacks. Around to the neck, down on the shoulder; down into a handstand and spin one way into the ribs, then reverse into the lower back. A stabbing kick to the chest as he flipped up, followed by a sweeping kick through the knees, and finishing with a jumping kick to send his opponent flying. "Collier! Épaule! Côtelette! Selle! Poitrine! Gigot! Mouton!"

The wall Sanji knocked Bentham into broke under the force of impact. A brick thudded onto the okama's head as he got to his feet. Sanji slipped his hands into his pockets and flexed one knee, glancing at his opponent out of the corner of his eye. "You know… This Mr One shithead you're so worried about… What makes you think we won't take him out too? We've already got your boss. Ain't Crocodile the toughest bastard in your shitty group?"

"I…" Bentham paused, cocking his head to one side as he thought about it. "I suppose it's true. You _could_ defeat Mr One, I suppose. So… I suppose the question is this- what do you want me to do?"

"Why should I want you to _do_ anything?"

Bentham shot Sanji a wry smile. "You're clearly trying to get me to stand down, Spirals. Otherwise you'd talk with your feet instead of your reason. From someone who claims he and his friends strike each other frequently, this isn't quite adding up."

The okama raised his hands in a gesture of truce and leaned back against a wall, eyebrows raised. Huffing, Sanji leaned against his own wall and considered lighting a fresh cigarette. Nah… He didn't need it yet, and this wasn't something that required enough thought to use that as an excuse to buy time. "Don't get me wrong, I love a good fight. If you still want, I'll be happy to go as many rounds with you as you want. But… This Ivankov person's important to you, right?"

"Indeed." Nodding, Bentham smiled. He began to gesture excitedly as he spoke. "Xe's the missing queen of Kamabakka Kingdom- a miracle worker. I want to ask xem to take me as a student. It- my dream… There are some people I _dearly_ want to help, and I may need the powers of a miracle worker to do it."

Sanji nodded thoughtfully. "That's not the sort of shitty dream we'd want to stand in the way of. So as much as I'd like to fight you… I won't. Not unless you make me. What I _will_ do is take you back to the castle. Once we've rounded up all your shitty coworkers, you can talk to Jones. She'll tell you where to find this Ivankov person, and the best way for you to get there."

"You're… You're _sure?_ " Bentham looked both skeptical and hopeful. Sanji didn't blame him. _Living_ with a world-hopper was strange enough, when she started talking about what she knew _imagine_ what it was like for people without context. Bentham shook his head, answering his own question before Sanji could say anything. "Of course you are. You're not the sort to try and trick me because you don't want to fight, or to say things you don't think are true. Too straightforward for that."

"Oi, don't go psychoanalyzing me like that." Okay, _now_ Sanji needed that cigarette. Clicking his lighter, the cook breathed deeply as smoke began to halo around him. His shoulders relaxed; he hadn't even noticed how much they'd tightened in the last few seconds. "It reminds me of my shitty sister."

"Oh… Sorry Spirals." Bentham looked sheepish- not quite the appropriate reaction, but the okama didn't know exactly what he'd reminded Sanji of, so it was forgivable. Although… The cooks snorted.

"And don't call me Spirals."

"But your-!"

Rolling his eyes, Sanji took a deep, smoky breath. "I _know_ what my eyebrows look like. Moss-Head and War Dog remind me often enough. But they're the only ones who get to, got it? I've got a name; use it."

Bentham shot him a reproachful look. "No one ever _told_ me your name, though. Unlike you, _I_ don't have a little witch to give me everyone's life story."

Wincing, Sanji bit down on the end of his cigarette. He'd forgotten about that. As much as it was weird, he guessed he was taking it a bit for granted too. The cook thrust his right hand out brusquely. "Sanji. My name's Sanji."

"Just Sanji?" Bentham asked as he shook the proffered limb. It was an innocent enough question though- no recognition or anything behind it. The Straw Hat cook nodded.

"Yeah. Just Sanji."

"Right. And I'm Bentham- but Highlights already told everyone my name when we met the first time."

"She does that, yeah." Releasing Bentham's hand, Sanji looked around. "So… You don't happen to know the way to the castle from here, do you?"

"Of course. This way." Spinning and bowing with a flourish, Bentham skipped off down the street. Sanji rolled his eyes and followed the okama with quick, slashing steps. At the center of the city, the castle was the best place to see what was going on. Plus, he needed to check on dear Vivi, make sure she was alright…

X

"Why are you holding my hand?" the bosun growled, staring at his companion with confusion. And a little bit of suspicion and disgust- he didn't _want_ her holding his hand, and she probably had some ulterior motive for doing so, since he was pretty sure it wasn't the sort of thing _she_ wanted to do either.

Shit Cook would've been delighted, though.

Nami glanced back at Zoro over her shoulder, frowning. "If I just let you run off on your own, you'll get lost."

"Since when have I ever-?!"

"Syrup Village."

Grumbling- because the money-grubber was _right_ , dammit- Zoro changed the subject. "So, what're we doing? Trying to put all _that_ out?" He paused and waved a hand in the direction of a blaze deeper in the city. As if on cue, a group of soldiers ran past in formation, carrying coughing, filthy children away from the blaze.

Nami nodded. "If there's a source of water close enough maybe we can. You can pull it into the air with Tatsu-!"

"I'm afraid we can't let you do that." A large, dour-faced man with a buzz cut emerged from a nearby street, followed by a blue-haired woman with an exaggerated, swaying walk. Both had something about them- confident, assured, _strong_. Zoro automatically moved in front of Nami to protect her. Although… He wasn't necessarily sure he could fight _both_ these people at once, if it came to that.

"You're more of those Baroque Works guys," the swordsman stated, drawing his blades. "We already kicked your boss' ass; stand down if you know what's good for you."

"Hmmm… No." There was a faint _shing_ as the dour man turned his arms into giant knives. Ah, a Devil Fruit. "And I _saw_ you fight Mr Zero; my den-den is hooked up to the surveillance system in Rain Dinners. But if we can defeat your crew and rouse him before the marines find out, the plan can still be salvaged."

"That won't work," Zoro informed the man, clamping _Wado Ichimonji_ between his teeth. "Our friends already got your agents out of the rebellion and the Royal Army, so you can't make 'em fight each other. Plus… What makes you think you can beat us?"

"We'll see." There was no more preamble. The dour man lunged forwards, his partner half a second behind. Blades met with a clash of sparks, striking hard enough that Zoro felt his arms vibrate. And twisting around those bladed arms were fingers that grew into long spikes.

Most of those spikes were deflected by Nami, spinning her staff in under Zoro's swords- although one of them got past her guard and stabbed him in the bicep. Grunting in pain, the swordsman found himself unable to move. If he did, if he tried to pull back to escape the spike, he'd leave Nami open to attack from the man with blade arms. And likewise, if she tried to do anything, she'd release the swaying woman's spikes to strike _him_.

The sailing master realized this too. "We have _zero_ practice with this, don't we? If we fight together, we'll just get in each other's way."

Zoro nodded. "It's something we should probably fix, as a crew. Wouldn't expect _everyone_ to train all the time, but a little bit of practice working together would go a long way. Ideas?"

"Just one." Turning her head towards the female Baroque Works agent- which put their faces so close together the women were practically kissing- Nami stuck out her tongue. "Your mother was so ugly, she had to give an incubus beer goggles in order to get laid."

"WHAT?!" Screeching, the blue-haired woman pulled back her spikes. Nami immediately spun and took off as if a sea king was after her, the Baroque Works agent hot on her heels. "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?!"

Still locked blade to blade with Zoro, the male agent stared after the retreating women. He shook his head. "Allowing such an insult to get the best of her… So unprofessional."

"If you wanna be professional, let your blades do the talking." Zoro twisted himself free of the blade lock and brought _Yubashiri_ and _Sandai Kitetsu_ around and down over _Wado Ichimonji_. "Tora Gari!"

His swords met his opponent's arms with a resounding clang. This time, Zoro took note of the number on his opponent's vest with a smirk. "Mr One, eh? Luffy'll be disappointed that I got to you first, since your captain's already out of the picture."

"Mr Zero _isn't_ out of the picture." Switching the orientation of the blades on his arms, One began to spin them like drills. "Spiral Hollow!"

Even if the blades themselves were in no position to cut him, the sudden force of the spinning sent Zoro flying sideways into a wall. Grunting, the Straw Hat swordsman charged in with the attack he knew best. "Oni Giri!"

 _KANG!_ Steel met steel as crossed blades struck folded arms. Mr One pushed and flung back at the same moment Zoro cut across; their combined power sent both of them skidding backwards. Zoro felt his boots heat up for a moment from the friction.

"You can't beat me." Mr One's voice was flat. "If a sword is meant to be an extension of its wielder, that makes me the perfect swordsman- a man who can _become_ his own sword. My attacks are perfect, no wasted energy, and my defense is even better. No _ordinary_ swordsman can cut steel."

He lunged in again, arms spinning like drills once more. "Spiral Hollow!" This time, rather than sending Zoro flying, the rotation made the attack nearly impossible to block. The Straw Hat swordsman managed to deflect one limb out to the side, but the other caught him in the shoulder and _shredded_. Spinning blades tore strips out of his arm and collarbone; blood streamed down his arm and his grip on _Yubashiri_ weakened. Zoro growled and responded by thrusting two of his swords forward like the horns of a bull.

"Ushi Bari!"

 _Ting!_ This time Mr One blocked with fingers turned to bladed claws, grabbing Zoro's swords and flinging him off to the side with a twisting throw. The Straw Hat swordsman crashed into a small warehouse- a rather flimsy one, since it immediately collapsed on top of him. Or maybe that was the fire damage. The blazes from other parts of the city had been spreading closer without Zoro noticing. Brushing a bit of flaming debris off his good arm, the bosun dragged himself free of the rubble. And he _was_ dragging- one of his legs had been hit by something _heavy_. It was painful, and didn't want to respond properly to his instructions.

He'd have to get Chopper to look at that. Later.

For the next several minutes, nothing could be heard but the ringing of blades. Zoro darted in aggressively, trying to find an opening in this steel defense. He was blocked at every turn. Bladed claws, hands that became buzz saws, arms and legs that could turn into swords… Mr One even turned his feet into skate blades at one point, so as to lessen the friction he experienced each time Zoro pushed him back. Hockey blades, not figure skating ones- and Zoro blamed Chopper and Jones for the fact that he even knew what those sports _were_ , let alone how to tell the difference between skate blades at a glance.

"You," Mr One observed as he managed to snake past Zoro's guard and score a line along the bosun's ribs, "Are annoyingly tough."

"Thanks. I do my best." Zoro grinned despite the pain coursing through his body. And frustration- because his best? It just _wasn't good enough_ right now. He needed to be able to cut steel… But how?

"Spiral Hollow!" Another unblockable spinning attack tore a chunk out of Zoro's hip and sent him flying into another burning warehouse. This time it was his head that got hit when a wall came down, rather than his leg. For a brief moment, he felt like he was going to vomit. A number of memories flashed before Zoro's spinning eyes, knocked loose by the blow.

 _Kuina's birthday- the only time he'd ever seen her in a dress. She'd been_ furious _, and it had only been the quick action of her father that saved the culprit from being gutted. Or maybe not. Old as she may have been, there was something about Kuina's great-aunt that screamed_ don't screw with me _._

 _Standing tied to a post, staring in disbelief at the rubber boy in front of him. The mismatched flavours of sugar and rice danced in his mouth as the boy, grinning, held out his swords, uncaring of the danger that surrounded them both. "If you want your swords back, join my crew!"_

 _Training in the dead of night as a great ship came into the village to restock. Zoro hadn't paid the ship much mind, but he knew it had a dragon for a figurehead. Whoever it was had talked to his sensei, but the next day the ship was gone and there was no mention of who it belonged to. Not that he cared. Zoro quickly put the strange ship out of his mind and focused on training to become stronger._

 _Sensei demonstrating his ability to slice with full force and yet not cut a piece of paper. It was a neat party trick, sure, but Zoro didn't understand what it had to do with his question. He'd asked whether it was possible to cut_ steel _. All this talk of rhythms and breathing… A swordsman who can cut nothing can also cut anything… He didn't get it at all. Shrugging, Zoro bowed politely and went back to his weights and his shinai._ Those _he understood._

Shaking his head to clear it, Zoro got to his feet. This prompted an exasperated sigh from Mr One. "You're _still_ willing to fight? Very well then; I suppose I'll _actually_ have to kill you."

The Straw Hat swordsman ignored his opponent's words. Largely because he couldn't focus- the aftermath of his blow to the head was causing all kinds of disjointed pulsing noises, seemingly coming from all different directions. Zoro was nearly deafened by them, all different rates and pitches. Some were so deep he could barely hear them, slow and strong like a whale's heartbeat; others were as fast as an insect's wingbeats, buzzing so high they set his teeth on edge. And he could _feel_ them too, some of the rhythms pulsing over his skin.

It was almost enough to drive him mad.

Zoro only realized what the sounds were when Mr One lunged at him again, causing one of them to draw closer. A firm, relatively fast beat, like a marine march. Distracted by his realization, the bosun didn't dodge quite fast enough; rather than avoiding the blow aimed at his heart, he took it on his left forearm.

"They're the sounds of existence."

Mr One said nothing, although a slight increase in the depth of his frown indicated confusion at Zoro's muttering. The Straw Hat swordsman smirked and flung his opponent back with a powerful, sweeping blow. "Oni Giri!"

His opponent skated to a halt without taking any damage, but that was alright. Zoro had only been aiming to get some space. Taking a deep breath, he sheathed _Yubashiri_ and _Sandai Kitetsu_ , removing _Wado Ichimonji_ from his mouth. "I can hear it- I can hear _everything_. The rhythms of the world… So this is what Sensei meant. Wonder if it has anything to do with that Haki thing Sabo was talking about… Eh, doesn't matter. I've got your number now, and it's not one."

"Now isn't the time for you to be making jokes. It's the time for you to die!" Mr One skated swiftly across the stone, one arm becoming a sword. He swung at Zoro's neck, aiming to take the bosun's head off with a quick, clean strike.

Taking another deep breath, Zoro closed his eyes and dropped into a crouch. He stood and struck in a fluid movement, his sword meeting his opponent's body in the gap between two of the steely beats. "Ittoryu: Shishi Sonson!"

A spurt of blood was followed by a startled grunt. Zoro continued his motion, not letting Mr One have time to strike at his back as the assassin's momentum carried him past. Rising and turning, Zoro brought the pommel of his blade down on his opponent's head as hard as he could. Again, he struck between the beats- his blow met skull instead of steel. That wasn't enough to fell One, so Zoro spun and tripped the Baroque Works agent, sweeping _Wado Ichimonji_ through his knees. Once Mr One was on his back, Zoro held him down with a foot on his chest and pressed the tip of his blade to the assassin's forehead- just a little, just enough pressure between the beats to draw a few drops of blood.

"You can't do anything for your boss if you're dead. I'll give you that you're no ordinary swordsman… But I'm no ordinary swordsman either. Someday, I'm gonna be the best in the world, so there's no shame in your loss. Surrender."

For a moment, it looked like Mr One was about to argue. Then a small building near them collapsed with a fountain of flame, shooting sparks into the air. It was a blacksmith's shop, and the curious blue and green fire was hot enough to melt the iron ingots that lay amongst the rubble. Seeing this, Mr One grit his teeth. "Fine. I surrender."

X

Tripping over a half-burnt beam of fallen wood, Nami found herself wishing she hadn't split off from Zoro. Only for a moment though; spikes stabbing into the stone beside her as she scrambled back to her feet reminded her of why she'd left. If they'd stayed together, they would've gotten in each other's way, gotten each other hurt… He'd already been stabbed once in that initial assault, protecting her. The sailing master felt bad about it- not that she'd tell anyone. Not this time. After all, it was just one little wound. Zoro had had worse, and he'd be fine in his fight regardless.

It must be nice, to be that strong. To never have others question your abilities, or to question them yourself.

A few seconds later, Nami realized her mistake. Rounding a bend, she found herself in a dead end, a cul-de-sac bordered on all sides by sturdy stone buildings. Luffy or Zoro could've broken their way through with ease; she could not. Being a good navigator at sea didn't translate into instinctive knowledge of the back alleys of a city she'd never visited before. She should've stuck to the main roads.

Turning back the way she'd come, Nami stopped as her blood ran cold. Her pursuer blocked the only exit, approaching at a leisurely, swaying pace. Not that the blue-haired woman looked any less _angry_. Nami probably shouldn't have insulted her mother like that. But it was the only thing the sailing master had been able to think of to get the female agent to chase her.

"I'm sorry…" Nami took a couple steps back, holding her _Clima-Tact_ in front of her with trembling hands. "I shouldn't have said that about your mother."

"No, you _shouldn't_." The Baroque Works agent- they probably should've asked Vivi and Lisa for codenames and descriptions of everyone they might have to fight- stabbed out again with spiky fingers. Nami deflected most of them, but the woman's thumb got past, punching a hole in the sailing master's thigh.

Nami hissed in pain and forced herself to stay standing. It was hard; her wounded leg would very much have liked to give out beneath her and send her to her knees. At the very least, sitting down sounded like a _very_ good idea. She couldn't, though, not right now. There was no one here to save her this time- she didn't _want_ to be saved this time. "I didn't mean it, but it was the only way I could think of to get you away from Zoro."

That earned a bark of harsh, derisive laughter. "You thought you could do better fighting me _alone?_ "

"Not really," Nami admitted. "I don't have a lot of combat experience. But because of that… Because of that, I just would've gotten in his way. And I _refuse_ to be in the way. I'm a Straw Hat now; I refuse to be vulnerable ever again. Heat Ball! Cool Ball!"

The alternating pulses of hot and cold air didn't do much aside from cause her opponent to blink a few times. During that brief distraction, thought, Nami had time to use a different technique. Hopefully it worked the way Usopp's instructions said it would. She _really_ wished she'd thought to test _all_ of the functions before they got here. "Mirage Tempo!"

From Nami's perspective, all that happened was a faint shimmering in the air. But from the other side… Well, it was certainly working as described. The blue-haired woman frowned at Nami, confused, unable to see her anymore. Not that she stayed motionless for long. Spky fingers extended, stabbing into the wall where Nami had been as the sailing master took a few quick steps sideways.

"I may not be able to see you, but I'll still get you eventually!"

Thankfully, years of stealing from the most dangerous pirates the East Blue had to offer had taught Nami to move in absolute silence. She was able to edge around behind her opponent without trouble. And… she could have run. Mirage Tempo would've allowed her to escape undetected. But she was a Straw Hat now. Straw Hats didn't run; they had to beat these people to save their friend's country. And besides…

They wouldn't get _paid_ if any of these Baroque Works agents got away and continued to cause trouble.

"Thunder Ball!" A small orb of electricity shot out of the _Clima-Tact_ , striking the blue-haired woman in the back and causing her to stiffen and fall over. It wasn't likely to last though; not enough charge. A bigger thunderbolt was necessary, but that would take some time to set up.

Time Nami didn't necessarily have. Her opponent rose as the sailing master began filling the air with alternating balls of hot and cold. Blue hair sparked and smoked- the agent was _pissed_. And she knew exactly what direction to find Nami in, even if she couldn't see her. The woman's heel elongated into a spike as she kicked back towards where the Straw Hat thief stood.

"I don't need to see you to know where you are!"

The spike skimmed along the edge of Nami's arm as she jumped out of the way, drawing a thin, bloody line under her tattoo. Coming down on her wounded leg caused the sailing master to hiss in pain; she fell to one knee just in time to avoid another spiked kick that would've gotten her in the head.

Rising silently, Nami grit her teeth and stepped away. She had to keep moving, couldn't let herself be hit. A Heat Ball or Cool Ball trailed after her with each step; Nami held her _Clima-Tact_ a bit behind her so the alternating air temperatures would show where she _had been_ , not where she _was_. Of course, there was nothing she could do about the trail of _blood_ she was leaving behind- that showed her location clear as day. But maybe her mirage was hiding part of that, or maybe the Baroque Works agent wasn't paying attention. Either way, Nami needed to take care of her opponent before the blue-haired woman noticed that clue. And if there was one, there may be others Nami hadn't spotted…

Invisibility could only take her so far.

A dark cloud was slowly growing over the cul-de-sac. The Baroque Works agent didn't seem to notice. Still smoking and angry, the blue-haired woman stabbed with spiky fingers and heels, always just a bit behind Nami. Sharp digits tore gouges from the stone. Some misses were nearer than others; once, the agent pierced a wall so close to Nami's head that it tore a lock of the sailing master's hair free. Strands of orange fell to shine against the stone.

It didn't take _too_ long for the cloud to be big enough. Or at least, Nami hoped it was. One of the fires was getting closer to the cul-de-sac, so she really didn't want to spend too much time there. Or at least, not without a source of water and a plan. Firing a Thunder Ball up into the cloud, Nami let her mirage down. Her opponent immediately spun to face her.

"Aha! I've got yo-!"

"Thunderbolt Tempo!" _**KRAK-A-THOOM**_. _RUMMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLE_. Lightning flashed, close and blinding. Nami didn't even have a chance to close her eyes. The smells of ozone and burnt leather filled the air. Even standing where she was, Nami felt some of the heat against her skin. Not as much as she'd been expecting, though; the thunderbolt wasn't as powerful as a natural one, and it was very localized.

Black and white spots danced in front of her vision, but no attack came while she was blinded. Once she'd blinked the spots away, Nami saw the results of her work. Her blue-haired opponent, stiff and stunned, stood dazedly in the center of the street; her hair stood on end, smoking, and her skin was covered in soot and minor burns. One strap of her leather bikini was on fire, but she wasn't reacting to it. She was still conscious though, if only barely. Their eyes met for a short moment.

Then the Baroque Works agent let out a little sigh, her eyelids closing as she keeled over backwards with a thud. "You… You cheated…"

Moving closer, Nami poked the woman gently with her _Clima-Tact_ to make sure she wasn't bluffing. No movement; the Baroque Works agent was down for the count. "I'm a pirate. We do that."

X

The pirates had done it- they'd taken out Mr Zero and removed all the moles from both armies. And now they were even cleaning up the rest of his coworkers. Drifter was… impressed. He didn't mean to be, but it was like… It was like watching _him_ work again. Except Drifter actually _liked_ these pirates. Especially their Jones. She gave good head rubs. Patting Geier on one wing, the otter indicated for his partner to circle around and give him another look.

Yep, the pirates were definitely _winning_. And even if they were getting hurt- some of them badly- they seemed to be having _fun_ doing it. Now Drifter felt bad for doubting them like he had.

{{Well Geier, what do you say? Leave or fight?}}

The vulture looked carefully as she circled for a third time. Her shoulders hunched slightly as she flew. {{I don't think we'd make much of a difference. The mossy swordsman already took out Mr One, and at least two of them are immune to my bullets. Not to mention that the tengu-face would probably shoot us down before we got close.}}

{{That's not who I meant.}}

Geier glanced back over her shoulder, shooting him a long, considering look. {{You… Want to betray Mr Zero?}} she asked hesitantly after several _long_ moments. Drifter paused for a second, then nodded.

{{Yes. Jones promised us she could find us new employment if we helped them, and we did- more than she asked, even. If we take their side now, the pirates won't harm us. And I think that whatever she might be able to find for us would bring us closer to my goal- closer to _him_ \- than Zero ever did. He wasn't exactly a _helpful_ employer.}}

{{Understatement.}} Geier snorted. {{I _never_ liked him, but did you listen? No. You thought just because he had a _huge_ organization, he was _bound_ to get you the information you wanted.}} She spiralled down, closer to the city, carefully avoiding the one hawk-man guard who was flying around dumping buckets of sand on burning buildings.

That was a futile gesture. The fires were just too big at this point; one man ferrying buckets would never be able to put them out.

{{I know, I know. I'm sorry; I should've listened. But you _know_ how desperate I was. I _never_ would've hired on with that hoser if I'd been in my right mind!}}

{{And yet you _had_ to keep your word once you had. Couldn't just let us fly away and keep on searching on our own, _nooooo_.}} They were down at street level now; Geier rolled as her flight carried them through a narrow gap between two buildings. {{Well, I hope you're in your right mind now. I'd like a _plan_ before charging into a fight where both sides might start shooting at us, if you can manage.}}

{{Yeah, yeah, I'm on it. Try and find Eleven and Thursday while I'm getting ready.}}

Nodding, Geier continued on her looping way through the city. She had the speed and grace of a much smaller bird- sometimes even Drifter was surprised by the stunts she could pull, and they'd been flying together for years. The otter shimmied out of his pink hoodie and dropped it and his sunglasses as Geier flipped upside down over a garbage bin as part of a maneuver to avoid a falling, _flaming_ beam. She looked back at him reproachfully.

{{I- I know we're animals and it doesn't matter, but I thought you _hated_ going naked among humans.}}

{{Not planning on going naked.}} Reaching into his pack, Drifter pulled out a pile of fabric he hadn't worn- had barely touched- in years. Red, black, and gold flowed over his fur as he slipped the clothes on, both silky soft and surprisingly durable. Geier's eyes went wide behind her goggles.

{{You… I thought…}}

{{We might not be picking up _his_ trail again just yet, but it's the right time. I feel more like _me_ today than I have since before we started working with these hosers, and they're gonna know it.}} The otter cinched his red jacket and pulled one last article of clothing from his pack. Pressing the battered Stetson down onto his head, the otter smirked. {{After all, this'll be good practice. Watch out Eleven… I _always_ get my man.}}

Seconds later, the Unluckies saw the aforementioned agent and his partner as they rounded a corner. Doing so brought them to the front of the Alubarna branch of Alabasta's national bank, where Eleven and Thursday were puzzling over a heavily locked door. The humans jumped; Miss Thursday, always a skittish little thing, hid deep in the hood of her oversized sweater. Meanwhile Mr Eleven frowned and waved his pistol.

"What're you doing here? We haven't done anything wrong! Mr One ordered us to liberate funds from the bank during the chaos- honest!"

The man was a liar and a fool. A six-week-old pup wouldn't have fallen for that excuse. But that didn't really matter any more; Drifter wasn't Mr One's enforcer, or even Mr Zero's. And that thought gave him pride- pride he'd been starting to wonder recently if he'd lost, somewhere amidst the years of fruitless searching. Slowly pulling out his blades- made from the shell of a hell-beater clam, harder than diamond- the otter let his former co-worker get a good long look at his changed outfit. Geier moved just as slowly as she loaded her machine gun.

Neither animal could deny the slightly sick sense of satisfaction they got from seeing Mr Eleven's face pale to bluish-white. Sadly, with her already hiding in her sweater, they couldn't really see Miss Thursday's reaction. Then again, Drifter's uniform wouldn't mean as much to her.

{{Four-Leaf Clover!}} Drifter jumped off Geier's back and hit Eleven with four great, circular strikes as he came down. Sometimes he wished he could speak like humans did- often for understanding, but he also wanted to hear what they thought about his technique names. Names he'd used long _before_ anyone called him unlucky. After the cuts, the otter flipped over and struck his target on the head with his tail. {{Bell Toll!}}

{{Spray and Pray!}} DA-KAKAKAKAKAKAKA! The sound of Geier's gun made Drifter fold his ears back against his head. So _loud_. She was quite skilled with it though; her rain of bullets knocked Mr Eleven's pistol from his hand and disabled Miss Thursday's crossbow without doing either agent any real damage. Drifter looked askance at his partner.

{{Not going for the kill?}}

{{I've had enough of killing for now,}} Geier said with a huff. {{We did plenty of it for that _asshole_ you allied us with. If we are to be free of him… I don't mind killing, but because I'm free to do so, I choose _not_. This time.}}

Drifter cocked his head to the side and tripped Eleven with his tail. {{So… You're sparing these hosers out of _spite?_ }}

{{Yes! I _hated_ working here- I only did it for _you_ , you stupid furball!}} Geier flared her wings and fired again, forcing Miss Thursday to take cover behind an overturned cabbage cart.

Drifter hated cabbage. He hoped that cart burned.

A quick roll through Eleven's knees when the man tried to stand, then Drifter was standing on his back. Reaching around to the base of his spine, the otter pulled out a sign and a pair of handcuffs he hadn't used in years. But his paws hadn't forgotten; he had Eleven cuffed in under a second. Holding his sign in front of the man's face, Drifter wished again that he could speak human languages. It would make delivering this message so much more impressive and less awkward.

 _I hereby arrest you in the name of Queen and Country. You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law._

Mr Eleven struggled weakly. "How- a Mountie _here?_ How did you _know?_ "

Drifter quickly wrote out another sign. _I may have been gone for a few years, but I still keep up with bulletins from Newfin Island. The only reason I didn't turn you in before now,_ Leonard Williams, _is that we were working for the same man- one who would've killed me for going after one of his without his order. But guess what? I'm flying under different colours, which means_ you _are going back to Newfin to serve your time. Eight attempted bank robberies, three of which were successful, one of those involving a hostage? Sounds to me like you're in for thirty. Or more- Rina's father is a judge, and he was_ very _unhappy with what you did to her face._

If it were possible, Eleven- Leonard- paled even more. His skin now resembled translucent wax. The man started to struggle again, but a tail strike to the back of the head, bouncing it off the cobbled street, quickly put an end to that. Drifter barked at Geier as he patted Leonard down for additional weapons. {{Have you got her, or do you need help?}}

{{No, I'm good.}} When Drifter looked up, he saw his partner perching on the face of an unconscious teenage girl. It was the first time he'd ever seen Thursday without her hood pulled up over her head. {{Turns out she's afraid of birds.}}

X

Striding swiftly through the streets of Alubarna, Sabo was torn. On the one hand, he wanted to help. On the other, he couldn't do _everything_ for Luffy's crew- they'd never learn that way. The Revolutionary spun his pipe and carefully avoided all the members of the Royal Army he saw. Well… At least he didn't have to worry about what Dragon would say about him getting involved. The Nefertari family were some of the few _decent_ nobles in the world, and since the villain was one of the Seven Warlords, this would at the very least cause the World Government some minor irritation.

Now, telling Dragon about what might be happening on _Jaya_ … Sabo needed to pump Jones for more details.

Tingling in the back of his neck was the first sign Sabo had that someone was planning to attack him. A second later he locked onto the sensation with his Haki. Two people- a man and a woman- planning on jumping him from an alley he'd just passed. The Revolutionary spun on the ball of his foot as they jumped, swinging his pipe like a golf club. There was a heavy thud as steel met ribs; Sabo fired the man into his partner and jumped after the people he'd just launched. Before the pair hit the ground, the Revolutionary had hit them both over the head, crushed their left knees, and tied them together by the belt loops of their pants. He caught his attackers and slung them over his shoulder as he landed.

"I'm guessing you're some of these Baroque Works fellows Lu and his crew were hired to save Alabasta from?" Sabo smiled pleasantly at the pink-clad woman draped over him. She glanced up and groaned wordlessly, her head falling back down against his chest as her eyes spun. The Revolutionary shrugged.

"Shall I assume that's a yes? I think so. Well, I'm sure no one will be mad at me for beating just two of you. There must be plenty to go around. I suppose I should take you to the castle, then see what had Ghin so worked up." Whistling, Sabo continued on his way.

X

Something in the back of a burning restaurant exploded as Luffy ran past the building. The rubber boy hissed as he was splashed with hot water. Who lit everything on _fire?_ Didn't they know it was harder to fight when a city was on _fire?!_ Then again, maybe that was the idea; light everything on fire, make it hard to fight them. Luffy was a little proud of himself when he thought of that. And a little scared; it meant he was _thinking_ , something he wasn't used to doing at _all_. Although… The more he did it, the easier it seemed to get. Maybe doing it a _little_ wasn't too bad.

It might even be useful someday.

Skidding around a corner, Luffy rammed into a person who'd been walking in the other direction. The other guy fell over backwards, revealing a familiar, irritating face. Narrow glasses, a three-shaped topknot… "You laughed at us when you thought Jones was dead. I don't like you."

"Thought… So, your little friend lived? Can't say I'm pleased to hear that, especially after what your rabid dog did to me." Mr Three made a face and rubbed at his throat, as if it was hurting him. Luffy frowned and cocked his head to the side, unable to decide the best way to react to that.

Okay, a lot of the time thinking still hurt. Frustrated, the rubber captain hauled back and socked the wax man in the jaw. Three flew backwards and smacked into a wall with a satisfying crack. The duffle bag he'd been carrying dropped to the ground. Wait… Duffle bag. Like Usopp carried for all his chemicals and stuff. And wax burned…

Luffy groaned and tugged his hat down over his ears. "You started all the weird coloured fires, didn't you? Ergh!"

Something thudded on the street beside him. Luffy peeked out from under his hat to see heavy boots and far more bare skin than any normal person would expose in the desert. Ace rested a hand on Luffy's shoulder, rubbing comfortingly. "You alright Lu?"

"No! Jones is being a bad influence on me- I keep _thinking_ about things! And sometimes it doesn't hurt! I don't even _notice_ always, until they turn out to be _right!_ " Luffy groaned again and ground his knuckles into his temples. " _Why?_ Why's this happening Ace? Should I be scared?"

"Don't be scared Lu. You're fine. Sometimes this happens as people grow up." Ace smiled, an expression that had never failed to cheer Luffy up and calm him down. "I guess it's just finally time for you to grow a brain."

Another groan, this time not Luffy's- Mr Three was still conscious. Not wanting to deal with him right now, Luffy delivered a second, far more punishing blow to the wax man's head. "Gum-Gum Pistol!"

THWA-THUD. Three fell back against the wall, eyes rolling back in his head. Luffy quickly tied him up with the strap of his own bag. Well, that was underwhelming. After what had happened last time, the rubber captain would've expected something… _more_. But maybe the heat kept the wax man from using his powers effectively or something, since wax melted. Even thinking _that_ made Luffy wince.

But the thoughts wouldn't stop. Wiping away sweat- the heat affected him too, although probably not as much as a wax man- Luffy glanced up at the dancing blue and green flames that covered the city. "Ace… You're fire. Can you do anything about those?"

"I… Not exactly sure, but I'll try." A few quick jumps carried Ace to the top of a nearby tower. Closing his eyes, Luffy's brother held out his arms and breathed deeply. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then, slowly, pillars of flame began to rise towards Ace, oozing up to his hands as if they were made of made of thick gravy rather than fire. As more flames shifted from their roots up to where ace was standing, the freckled pirate was outlined in brilliant green and blue.

Tentacles of fire wrapped around Ace's arms and body, until Luffy could barely see his brother. Then Ace flung one arm up towards the sky, a ribbon of flame following. More was still drawn towards him, but when it reached him, it flew up into the sky, where it dissolved against the bright blue sky. There was so much fire though… Even if what Ace was doing was effective, it would take a while for him to get all of it.

With Ace safely taking care of the fire, Luffy took off again. He needed to find Johnny and Yosaku- what happened to them? Ghin sounded scared over the snail, and it took a lot to scare Ghin, so whatever it was must've been bad. Luffy was the captain; it was his job to protect the crew. He had to find his hunters, make sure they were alright… And avenge them if they weren't.

Sadly, he had no idea where Johnny and Yosaku _were_. Or where anything was in this city, really. Growling, Luffy charged through the streets. He could see the castle, but he couldn't get there. Not that he was sure if anyone was there, but it was as good a place as any to start. If nothing else, Vivi would probably be there. She could tell him where other things were, where he might be able to find everyone.

Someone grabbed his wrist as Luffy ran past an abandoned shop. It took him a minute to notice; he didn't really register that there was someone standing in the darkened doorway until his arm snapped back, dragging him through the air to land at his attacker's feet. Looking up, Luffy saw dark blue eyes shadowed by black hair and a purple cowboy hat. The hand that wasn't holding one of his wrists gripped a knife; Miss All Sunday was shaking- frightened, angry, and desperate.

"You- your crew, you're ruining everything! Capturing Crocodile… He was my only hope for finding it!" Miss All Sunday's eyes were shiny as she raised her weapon.

She wouldn't use the knife, Luffy could tell; she was shaking too much. And her panic was confusing… He didn't understand. What was she looking for that was so important? Important enough that she'd be willing to kill for it- or maybe die for it. Her desperation… Even seeing it on her face was almost _painful_. A flash of red crossed his memory, twelve lines bleeding fresh across wet skin and purple fabric. Luffy bit his lip.

No. This woman, he didn't know how or why, but she was one of his. He wasn't going to let her get that bad, wasn't going to let her hurt any more. Not if there was anything he could do, at least. Luffy gently pried his wrist free of Miss All Sunday's grip. She didn't seem to notice, still gripping her knife with a white-knuckled hand.

Raising his own hand, Luffy closed his own fingers over Miss All Sunday's. He had to stretch to do so; she was much taller than he was. As gently as he could, Luffy forced the woman to lower the knife, eventually taking it out of her hands and placing it on the ground off to one side. He never broke eye contact with her the whole time, not even when a tear fell down and landed on the bridge of his nose.

Knife safely out of the way, Luffy stretched up again. This time, he wrapped his arms around Miss All Sunday's shoulders- three times, so it wouldn't be easy for her to pry him off. Not that she was trying… No, all she was doing was shaking, too desperate and confused to do anything else. Luffy rubbed her back and hummed softly. His left shoulder grew wet as Miss All Sunday cried, eventually stooping to bury her face in red fabric.

"I don't know what you're looking for," Luffy whispered, "But Crocodile wasn't your last hope. Whatever it is, we can help you."

Very quickly, the shaking and crying stopped. Miss All Sunday straightened, her eyes dry and clear- although her movement couldn't dislodge Luffy from his clinging hug. Only a couple blotches of red on her cheeks showed that she'd just been sobbing. "I- I don't know what came over me. That hasn't happened in years."

"It's okay." Luffy squeezed tighter. "You're hurting. I don't know why, I don't know what happened to you, but you're one of _mine_. I want to help you, if you let me. My crew… Whatever it is you're looking for, we can find it. I'm looking for the One Piece, Nami's making a map of the world, Jones knows all kinds of things from all over the place… Between us, we can find _anything_."

"Ah yes… Your little witch." Miss All Sunday closed her eyes and shook her head. "I forgot about her. Those things she said, are they-? You believe they are, at any rate- which tells me nothing. Dos Fleur: Clutch!"

Two hands appeared on Luffy's back and pulled him over, twisting him a bit as if they meant to break his back. Not that it would work; being rubber made him immune to broken bones. Luffy smiled and shook his head as the hands disappeared. "You can't do that to people when I take you to meet the others, 'kay? You might hurt them."

Wide, curious eyes stared down at him. "You ate a Devil Fruit."

"Yep."

Miss All Sunday took a few deep breaths. Sad breaths; there was somehow something dark and heavy about them, as if even breathing reminded her of whatever had hurt her. "You said I was yours… You're wrong. I belong to no one."

Poor woman… She didn't understand yet. Luffy just kept smiling, shaking his head. He didn't know how to explain it to her, and she probably wouldn't believe him if he managed anyway. But that was okay. She'd figure it out someday soon. "You're wrong, but that's okay. Everyone's wrong sometimes. You're mine and I love you, just like I love Chopper or Johnny or Yosaku or Nami or Sanji or Jones or Ghin or Zoro or Ruatha or Usopp or _Merry_. Someday you'll get it. But until then… At least come meet everyone with me."

Shifting his hug to a grip on both her hands, the rubber captain walked backwards, leading his new crew mate like a child. She was too confused to react, too stunned to pull away. At least at first. Once a few seconds had passed and she'd gotten her senses back, Miss All Sunday started to squirm. Her nails, long and sharp, nicked and tore at Luffy's skin as she twisted, trying to free herself. She tried to haul herself away with main strength too, and when that didn't work, even managed to raise her arms enough to bite one of Luffy's hands. Her teeth were blunt; he barely felt the bite.

No… No matter what Miss All Sunday tried, she couldn't escape. Not that Luffy thought she was trying very hard, but he could be mistaken. She _was_ alarmed, although he wasn't sure why- he just wanted to help- and he _was_ much stronger than her. All she could do was follow him, one step at a time, as he slowly made his way through Alubarna towards the castle.

It would be a long trip- Luffy still didn't know how to get there, exactly- but that was okay. It gave him more time to convince Miss All Sunday of what he was saying.

X

Given the absence of Crocodile and resulting lack of temporal benchmarks, I had no idea how long it was until the bomb went off. But at least I'd found the clock tower. And the clock hadn't swung open just yet, so the order to fire the cannon hadn't been given. Not that that meant anything; I was _certain_ I remembered the bomb being on a timer, so it would explode eventually, fired or not. But did I have five minutes? Ten? Fifteen? Half an hour? No idea.

I hated this uncertainty.

It didn't _look_ like there was anyone around, but again, I was pretty sure the guards were in the tower with the bomb. Crocodile really didn't care about his subordinates, did he? A five-kilometer blast radius… Even if it was fired instead of going off the timer, it was almost guaranteed to take at least some of them out when it blew. The thought made me sick. These were people who'd sworn their service to him- that meant he had some level of responsibility towards them too.

Sighing, I shook my head. Thinking about that wouldn't help anything. What I needed to do was figure out how I was going to deal with the bomb. Hopefully I'd have some ideas by the time I got up there and beat the guards. I removed Ruatha from my shoulders and placed him on the ground beside a huge flower pot as I approached the building. "You stay here and stay out of sight. There are snipers where I'm about to go; I don't want you getting shot."

"Nuz-!"

"Even if I understood what you were saying, I wouldn't care what your excuse was." Briefly bending- although not nearly as much as I once would have needed to- I poked my dragon on the forehead. "You're staying here until I come down. It's not just the snipers; there's a _bomb_ up there that I forgot to tell everyone about, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I don't want you getting hurt it I do something wrong."

"Bek, bek…" Hanging his head, Ruatha dutifully curled up in the shadow of the flower pot.

"Don't worry. I'm sure I'll be back before you know it." Nodding to myself, I glanced up at the clock so many stories above. A brief twist of focus sent force down my arms and legs, turning it to friction as I placed my hands on the wall and pulled my knees up. "Spider Climb!"

Now, it's hard for me to describe exactly what it was like crawling up that tower. The walls felt rough, aye, but that could've been a side-effect of me increasing friction to climb. What I do know is that there was a slight breeze plucking at my clothing, making my ponytail flutter behind me like a flag, and that my heartbeat seemed absurdly loud. But that was probably just the lack of other sounds to focus on. Just the faint hiss of the wind and the thunderous thumping coming from my chest. Somehow though, despite my fear and how loud it was, my heart hadn't sped up. I was relatively calm, not fighting for breath and control against a wild adrenaline dump.

Yet.

I was about two feet from the clock when loud creaking made me freeze and hold my breath. The clock face swung forwards on hinges that sounded like they hadn't been oiled in far too long. When no Baroque Works agents appeared in the entrance that had been revealed, I released the breath I'd been holding and edged stealthily up towards the hole, until my fingers were right under the lip. I could feel the vibrations of the tower as gears inside ground away, heedless of the fact that the clock they powered had been removed from contact.

Still had no idea what I was going to do about the bomb.

"One second Mr Seven. I thought I heard something." A young woman clad in a garishly bright pink and green frog costume poked her head out. She looked into the distance first, checking for anyone approaching down nearby streets. When that revealed nothing, though, her gaze lowered, until after a few seconds she was looking straight down at me. I took one hand off the wall for a second to wave, quickly replacing it when doing so caused me to slip a little.

"Hi."

The woman's eyes bulged out larger than those on her costume. "HOW'D YOU GET THERE?!"

"Devil Fruit." Hauling myself up and in, I was on my feet before the garish woman or her far more conservative partner could react. Grabbing her musket with both hands, I rolled onto my back and drove my feet up into her chest as she tried to keep me from wrenching the weapon away. Half a second later, there was a loud squawk as Miss Father's Day made unglamorous face-to-wall contact. I continued my roll, back over my left shoulder, until I came up to my knees with the musket pointed at Mr Seven.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! _BANG!_

Not that I got a chance to do anything with it. Something hit the musket hard, knocking it out of my hands and sending it tumbling out to the square below. At the same time, four _more_ somethings hit _me_ , sending me sprawling onto my back. My head actually leaned out into open air, the edge of the floor digging into the back of my neck. For a moment I just lay there, stunned. Then I groaned.

" _Owww_ …" Dammit, I felt like I'd just been kicked by a horse. Or make that four horses- forehead, chest, stomach, and left shoulder. That _hurt_. "Did someone get the license plate on that Chevy?"

Sitting up, I rubbed my head to try and reduce the ache. Something shiny and grey fell past my eyes as I moved; four pinging noises sounded from the floor. I looked down. Four bullets, slightly deformed, rolled around in front of me. Five spent casings littered the wood by Mr Seven's feet. He held a slightly smoking revolver in one hand- the same model as mine, I noted idly- although he appeared to have forgotten how to use it. His face was ghostly pale. Mine probably wasn't much better, actually- now that I'd gotten past the initial shock and pain, I felt sick. _Really_ sick.

"One moment please." Flipping over onto my hands and knees, I vomited out the open clock door. Phantom hands, large and warm, rubbed my back soothingly as I got myself back under control.

Once I was empty of both excess force and the contents of my stomach, I turned back to Mr Seven. "Sorry about that. My powers can be a little inconvenient if I get hit too hard, but it's a _very_ small price to pay for how awesome they are." Glancing down at the bullets still rolling on the floor, I let out a brief huff of laughter. "Guess I'm bulletproof after all, at least if it's just a few shots. Wish I'd known _that_ earlier."

"You- You- _Meep_." Mr Seven squeaked as I stood up. He glanced at his gun as if it had betrayed him and everything he ever loved; I sighed as his terror gave way to confusion.

"Let me save you the trouble. No, you didn't miss; my powers just include bullet-resistance. Apparently. I did _not_ know that before, otherwise I wouldn't have been _nearly_ as worried as I was in Drum Kingdom. And you only fired five bullets, so you _do_ have one left. However, given my newly-discovered bulletproof-ness, I'm feeling like a _very_ lucky punk right now, regardless."

"Glurble," was Mr Seven's intelligent reply. He _really_ wasn't adjusting well to this. I had to feel sorry for the guy; he was far better suited to the Blues, where Devil Fruits were rare, than to Paradise if this was how he reacted to learning someone wasn't stopped by his gun. As if on reflex- or maybe hoping desperately that my earlier survival was some sort of fluke- he fired his last round.

BANG!

The bullet hit me low, adding another horse to the list of those I felt I'd been kicked by. A gut shot; that would've been a slow, painful death if I didn't have my powers. I love my Devil Fruit. There was a loud ping as the slightly deformed bullet fell to the floor. Shaking my head, I walked up t Mr Seven and pulled the gun from his hands, tossing it to the side.

"The definition of insanity is doing exactly the same thing over and over and expecting your results to change. I just had a talk with one of your coworkers about this not too long ago."

"Mimble wimble." Mr Seven didn't resist as I guided him to the open clock and loaded a partially conscious Miss Father's Day into his arms. Now, how to get them out of the way while I dealt with the bomb…?

Oh, right. "Force Push!" I used the force I'd absorbed from that last bullet as I shoved the pair of Baroque Works agents as hard as I could. They flew across the square, landing on the roof of a building on the opposite side. Four stories up… Yep, even in the _One Piece_ world, that should be enough to deter someone from trying to jump off the side and escape. Unless they had a Devil Fruit, or were stupidly strong like Zoro and Sanji. Since I was pretty sure Vivi had one-shotted the two I just threw in canon, though, I was pretty sure they didn't have that kind of training that I needed to be worried. Now, back to that bomb.

The cannon that held it was _enormous_ , large enough for me to crawl inside. Actually _getting_ inside was a little tricky, with the mouth of the cannon so close to the edge of the clock opening, but I managed. Wouldn't be able to get the bomb out that way, though, since I couldn't fly like Pell.

For all that it was delivered via such an enormous mechanism, though, the bomb was smaller than I expected. Oh, it was still _bloody huge_ , but it was small enough that I could wrap myself around it. Which meant I could roll it around in the cannon barrel until I was able to see the mechanism, for all the good that did me. A tangle of wires of every colour surrounded the detonator; the timer showed two minutes. Not _nearly_ enough time for me to figure out how to disarm it, or to get it out of the city.

Tabarnak.

"What to do, what to do…?" I bit my lip and tugged at my necklace with one hand. Merde… I knew _nothing_ about explosives. And unlike Vivi, who was off doing who-knows-what, I couldn't call upon Pell's services if he happened to fly past. Which he _wasn't doing_ , given that he probably had his talons full with the fires scattered all over the city.

"Grr… Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb…" Maybe if I ripped the whole detonator off? That bit might still explode on me, but if I could get it far enough away from the main payload, the magnitude of the explosion wouldn't be as great. And with my powers…

Yeah, that was probably my best bet.

At this point, there was no time for subtlety. The timer said I only had thirty seconds left. Grabbing the detonator complex, I yanked backwards with all my strength, holding my breath as adrenaline flooded my system. Thin metal tore with a violent shrieking noise; I rolled onto my back in the barrel of the cannon as the bomb casing gave. A quick look inside revealed something damp and fibrous- gun cotton. I remembered reading about that in _From the Earth to the Moon_.

No time to think about that though. I scrambled to the mouth of the cannon, as far from the payload as I could, and wrapped myself around the detonator. Closing my eyes, I counted down along with the beeps that the timer had started giving out. Each second seemed like an eternity.

 _Ten…_

 _Nine…_

 _Eight…_

 _Seven…_

 _Six…_

 _Five…_

 _Four…_

 _Three…_

 _Two…_

 _One…_

 _ **KLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

My ears rang; my already bruised torso felt like I was hit by a minivan. The excessive force even from the detonator was enough to send my flying out of the cannon as my powers exploded to compensate- although at least _that_ didn't set off the main payload. I flipped over as I flew through the air, coming down _hard_ on my back on a roof across the square. Not the same one where I'd sent Seven and Father's Day, though. The fall knocked the wind out of me. I coughed, tears in my eyes, trying to get my wind back.

The front of my shirt was mostly _gone_ , shredded and charred by the explosion I'd clutched to my chest. Underneath, my skin was bright red- burned, but not badly enough to blister. It would be alright in a day or two. Excess force coiled in my stomach; I rolled over and wretched, each movement sending a fresh ache through my body. Nothing came up this time though. I was already empty.

"Hyech!" Oh wait, there was a little bit of blood. Felt like it was from my mouth though, not actual vomit- my tongue ached, and my lower teeth tasted coppery.

Once I had my wind back, I looked at the remains of the detonator. Not that I knew anything, to be able to analyze it as anything more than a twisted chunk of tangled metal and partially-melted wires. It weighed maybe two kilograms- might've been three with the powder or whatever it had used to explode, but I didn't remember. Might've been less… _Tabarnak_. How had Pell _survived_ that? I'd only taken the detonator; he'd grabbed the whole _bomb_ \- probably a hundred kilograms of payload, and gun cotton rather than powder. The cotton being supposedly three times stronger. _Ouch_.

Dragging myself to my feet, I stumbled to the edge of the roof and looked down, searching for the flower pot where I'd left Ruatha. Ah, there. My dragon saw me at the same moment I saw him; he started jumping around and chirping, fluttering his wings. I waved. Ergh… Now I needed to get down. Wasn't looking forward to that. Six stories- I'd already used my powers a _lot_ in the last few minutes; jumping down wouldn't be comfortable. But at least it probably wouldn't make me puke again. It was a level of force I could handle.

It still took a moment for me to steel myself for the jump. Once I did, I didn't give myself a chance to rethink the decision. Leaping over the edge, I felt weightless for a moment before plummeting to the street. Force sang through my bones as I landed, bending my knees and crumpling forwards to slap the ground, but neither I not the cobbled road were harmed. As soon as I straightened, Ruatha charged at me, launching himself into my chest and wrapping himself around me with a loud squawk.

"Monah!"

"I'm okay bud. Don't worry." I scratched along my baby's eyebrow ridges. He nuzzled the side of my neck, gripping the sides of my waist with his talons, wrapping his tail around my leg, and spreading his wings across my chest and shoulders as if he were trying to give me a hug.

"Zu'u frund!" Ruatha shot me a reproachful look before going back to his nuzzling. "Nuz hein kaam lost ag einzuk. Ulaaknu Monah."

That was how Luffy found us a few minutes later. My captain backed into the square, both hands held out in front of him as he guided someone like an assistant coach at CanSkate. It took me a moment to realize that the person he was leading was _Robin_. She struggled against him- biting, twisting, and scratching- but it was a losing battle.

My mouth fell open with a hiss of surprise; I hobbled over to the pair. Moving was a little difficult with Ruatha wrapped around me like he was. But at least his feathery scales hid my chest where my clothing had been shredded away.

I _really_ needed to stop taking so much clothing damage.

"Wow… You've been busy Captain. What _happened?_ "

"Hi Jones." Luffy glanced over at me before resuming eye contact with Robin. "She's hurt… I don't know why, but she'd hurt. And she's one of _mine_ , isn't she Jones? The way you acted around her… And she needs us."

"That she does." I didn't try to touch or comfort Robin just yet- mostly because between my aching body and my dragon, moving took up enough of my attention. And I was maybe a little worried about being bitten, or having her stomp on my foot or something. Soon, though the two of us would need to have a _long_ talk.

Still smiling gently up at the archaeologist, my captain suddenly stiffened and froze. His head slowly rotated towards me, smile disappearing as his eyes went wide. Something he saw- probably my shredded shirt and burned, bruised body as Ruatha shifted- made Luffy groan.

" _Joooooones_ … Did you blow yourself up? I told you to stop doing things like that!"

"Actually, you didn't. You told me to stop trying to die, and I did. I promise you, I was _not_ trying to kill myself. It didn't even cross my mind." I tried to hide the detonator that was still clutched in my hand, but I did a poor job of it. The movement probably only served to draw Luffy's attention to the twisted, charred mess of metal.

My captain shot me a flat look. " _Jones_ … Did you hug a bomb to protect the city? You look like you hugged a bomb to protect the city."

" _Noooooo_ … I didn't hug a _bomb_. I hugged a _detonator_." Not meeting Luffy's eyes, I pointed up at the clock tower. The edge of the cannon was barely visible inside. "The bomb's up there."

Of course, that excuse gained me no ground. Likely in part because Luffy knew even less about bombs and how they functioned than I do. Sighing, my captain released one of Robin's hands for a moment to whack me over the head. "Jones hugged a bomb… I told you to save things _without_ almost killing yourself. Fist of Love!"

Ruatha leapt away as Luffy's blow pasted me into the ground. _Ow_ … That hurt more than the explosion and being shot at _combined_. But when I dragged myself to my feet with a groan, I couldn't find it in myself to complain. Those wide, brown eyes… Luffy managed to make me feel guilty and sheepish with nothing more than a flat stare. I hung my head. "Sorry Captain."

"S'okay. We'll keep working on it."

For a moment, there was silence. The odd blue and green light from the fires around the city was fading away to ordinary daylight; someone must be putting them out. Then, while I was trying to figure out what to say, what to ask, I heard broken, confused laughter above my head. Looking up, I saw that Robin had sprouted a third arm in order to cover her own mouth, trying to hide her laughter at Luffy's antics, her attempts at escape momentarily forgotten. Well, _I_ didn't find the situation particularly funny, but if it helped her get more comfortable as part of the crew…

"Dereshishishishishi!"


	24. Alliteration

**Alliteration: the occurrence of the same letter or sound at the beginning of adjacent or closely connected words**

 **Gerbilfriend: What can I say except you're welcome~?**

 **LittleAngel2292: She did indeed.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: *bows* Thank you very much.**

 **GreenDrkness: Bounty? Hmm... Not just yet, no.**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you.**

 **The Utterly Fabulous Z: That was actually Robin laughing at Jones and Luffy...**

 **Resisting the Borg: Thank you.**

 **Xipholynx: A running gag, eh? I hadn't thought of it that way, but maybe. Thank you very much!**

 **Draco Oblivion: Aye, Chopper's a little naive there. He likes to see the best in people. As for Jones floating... No, not just yet. She has higher priorities to deal with. *smiles* And I love Luffy acting as a father to his men. Thinking may eventually be less of a burden for him... But he'd always rather pass it off to someone like Jones or Nami if given the chance.**

 **Dragondacer81: Thank you very much.**

 **xanothos: *grins and bows* Thank you!**

 **Ean Sovukau: I plan to. Hopefully I continue to live up to everyone's expectations.**

 **Azurai Wolf: Thank you. I loved those scenes too.**

 **bookloverinfinity: You'll see what Garp has to say about it eventually. *grins***

 **Catflower Queen: Thank you! I have to admit, I almost cried writing that scene...**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Well, you need wait no longer.**

 **Kakusei: Thank you very much! And yeah, some of the enemies in the near future are going to be put very much off by the things Jones can do. The Force-Force Fruit has a lot of abilities and is generally overpowered, but a lot of fun. Initially I wasn't sure whether to go the Star Wars route or the physics route; some friends swayed me towards the physics path, and... Well, a lot of the abilities are actually functionally the same, even if they work through different mechanisms.**

 **Tombs456: *smiles* Thank you. I take pride in being as different from canon as I can while still being definitely One Piece. After all... The adventure's not as fun if you know everything that's coming, eh?**

 **Lightsbane1905: They are indeed.**

 **intata: *laughs* Fish jokes are awesome! And no, people don't bitch about which way I spell character names; but one of my friends had someone say things like that on her fic, and I borrowed it to showcase the anxiety I felt as a beginning SI writer, and help tie in Jones' Fourth Wall breaking. And yes, Nami didsay "recalculating;" GPS Nami FTW!**

 **BrokenGaming: Thank you. *smiles* I'm glad to be part of making people see that this type of fic doesn't have to be all dreck. And I look forward to seeing what you eventually come up with.**

 **Insanity Lord: Yes she did. But explosions are force; it makes sense for Jones to be able to tank a small one.**

 **FairyGirl960: You need wait no longer. Here's what happens next.**

 **EvilpuppyofDoom: Nah, don't worry. Some pretty sad stuff will be happening, but I like happy endings, so it'll all turn out in the end. Jones won't be losing all her friends.**

 **Anime no Akuma: Ah, non. Pas Québécois. J'habite en l'Ontario.**

 **TES: Yep. Some of it's random, but Ruatha can speak full, relevant sentences now when he has something to say. Pity no one on the crew can understand him.**

 **: She probably could have, aye. But she was panicking and didn't think to do so.**

 **Kibbits: *grins and bows* Thank you very much. It was one of my favourite chapters to write so far too.**

 **Guest (September 4): You're welcome~**

 **NightmareKnight1: Indeed. Any fruit can be overpowered if you know what you're doing with it— Jones just has the advantage of having studied physics before, so things come quickly to her when she sees or hears something to give her the idea. And yes, flight is possible, but will take a lot of training— not a thing for Jones until after the timeskip, at the very least. There's... at least four forces she'd have to worry about simultaneously, and she can currently only really work one at a time.**

 **Awareness Bringer: Oh, I'm looking forward to Ennies Lobby and Sabaody too. *grins broadly* But they're a long way off. I like your idea with Bellamy, although I'm afraid it wouldn't fit with what I have planned for him. Or maybe... Eh, we'll see. As for Enel— no matter what happens to him, he's one enemy they won't be handing over. Letting the World Government get their hands on such a powerful logia would be a bad, bad idea from a strategic view; Jones would veto it in any way she could.**

 **tylermech66: Yep, Jones will be a frontline fighter eventually. I mean... Martial arts mastery, a dragon, and an incredibly overpowered fruit? *grins* Was there ever really any doubt? It'll take a lot of training and creativity, but she's up for it.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: Mmm... You're right that there's gonna be more than Chopper and Ruatha, although I can bet the incoming additions aren't who or what you're expecting. Let me put it this way... When Mr Nine/Jack almost called Jones the mother of dragons, it wasn't just a Game of Thrones reference.**

I managed to convince Ruatha to wrap around me again as Luffy, Robin, and I headed to the palace- while I wasn't too bothered by my crew mates seeing me in a _questionable_ state of dress, I didn't want any soldiers or civilians we might stumble across to see anything. And actually… The fact that I didn't care about Luffy and Robin in this state surprised me. I didn't know what to make of it- had I gotten that comfortable with the Straw Hats already, more comfortable than I'd ever been with my own family? But even _that_ would only explain Luffy; Robin may have been a pending crew member, but I hadn't yet spent enough time with her to have such high levels of comfort.

Eh, I'd worry about that later. Or forget. Worked either way. I was far more concerned with trying not to do too much damage to Mr Seven and Miss Father's Day as I retrieved them and dragged them through the streets.

Robin was in a confusing state, shell-shocked and laughing quietly. It was like she'd completely lost it- like all her pent-up emotions from the last twenty years had finally found an out, and she couldn't stop herself from laughing no matter how hard she tried. Her eyes were red though- she'd been crying earlier. She was pretty good at hiding it though; I don't think most people would've noticed. The archaeologist was no longer being led like a clumsy toddler, but she still didn't let go of Luffy's hand. Or maybe she _couldn't_. Again, I think some dam had burst and let her suppressed emotions gain control; the hand-holding was probably her seeking the comfort that had been so long denied her. And just maybe Luffy was gripping back too firmly for her to escape. That was also quite possible.

Faint red lines, scratches, crisscrossed my captain's hands.

We ran into Sabo before we'd gone very far. The Revolutionary whistled as he walked, Crocodile, two people I didn't recognize, and Miss Valentine all slung over his shoulder. He tipped his hat when he saw us. "Hi Lu! Everything alright?"

"Yep!" Luffy beamed and bounced in place.

Grinning, Sabo patted his brother on the head. "Good- I tried not to take any of your crew mates' fights, but a couple of guys attacked me. I hope you don't mind-?"

"Nope! S'all good!"

Sabo nodded and turned to me, poking Miss Valentine with his free hand. "Jones, I'm assuming from the location of the bruises and the fact that when I found her, she was muttering something about forces and gravity, this one's yours?"

"Ah, yeah. Thanks; you've saved me a trip going back to find her."

"Don't mention it." Suddenly, Sabo froze. Eyes going wide, he snapped his head to the side to look at Luffy and- "Is that _Nico Robin?!_ "

I grinned. "Yep~"

"And she's-?"

"Joining Luffy's crew, so don't you _dare_ think about poaching her for the Revolutionary Army."

 _That_ finally snapped Robin out of her emotionally confused daze. "What? I never said I was joining _anyone's_ crew, _or_ the Revolutionary Army. Let me go!" She started to struggle against Luffy's hold, but even sprouting a few extra arms for aid, she wasn't strong enough to pull away. And attempting to snap his neck just yielded a sigh and a snap as stretched rubber popped back into place.

"I'm being nice cuz you're hurt and you need it," Luffy said grumpily. "I want you to be comfy with us. You're one of _mine_ , and that means I love you and I want you to be happy. We're _family_ \- that's what my crew _is_. Being nice is hard though…" That last bit had a bit of a whine to it.

Robin continued her futile struggles to get free. "No! Release me! I refuse- I'm not joining a pirate crew!"

"And I refuse your refusal!" Luffy pouted and tightened his grip, although not enough to hurt. "You _need_ us and I want to help- and if being nice doesn't work, I'll do something else!"

So saying, the rubber boy switched from gently leading Robin through the streets to wrapping around her like an octopus- the most convoluted, forceful hug I'd ever seen. The archaeologist barely had space to move. But she didn't even try- rather, stiffening, she began to blink rapidly. Her eyes were getting redder and a little watery, though no tears were actually falling.

"Let me _go!_ I _can't_ join you!"

" _Robin_." My voice came out flat and forceful, like I was arguing with an unruly toddler. Which was sort of what Robin was acting like, with the way her emotions were bursting free all over the place. Twenty years of stress and secrecy do _not_ erode well. "Yes, you _can_. We can help you; I _know_ where some of the Poneglyphs are, and I have ideas about a few others. You don't have to be alone anymore."

"But…" Robin's voice came out very quiet, "If I join you- If I join you, you'll die. Everyone does… I can't- I can't let that happen again."

Oh dear… She was worrying about that _this_ early… I wondered exactly what we had said that had brought _that_ on. That would have to wait for our _talk_ later, though. Whenever I remembered to have it.

Letting out a huff of laughter, I shook Mr Seven lightly. "No, not everyone. You joined Baroque Works, and they're not dead. Or at least, they don't look dead to me. Do you feel dead?" I addressed the last bit to Mr Seven. He let out a quiet groan in reply.

"Mrrrrrgh…"

"Dereshishishishishi!" Closing her eyes, Robin sprouted a third arm to stifle her laughter. I felt a little bad, taking advantage of her emotional instability, secret sense of humour, and hidden love of cute things, but not too much. I was doing it to try and help her, after all.

Robin got her laughter under control quickly. "But I didn't let myself get attached," she said quietly, fidgeting in Luffy's hold like his hug was preventing her scratching an itch. "Your crew… You say it's like a family. If that's true, I _would_ get attached- your captain wouldn't allow anything else."

"Nope, nope, nope!" Luffy interjected gleefully. Robin sighed.

"Everyone I get attached to dies. That's a fact. I can't do that to anyone, can't hurt anyone like that- not again."

"Is it us you're afraid of hurting," I asked, just as quiet. "Or is it yourself, if you got attached and then ended up losing us?"

Silent, Robin stared at me. Her eyes were full of confused contemplation. I rolled up the ragged remnants of my sleeves, exposing the twelve lines that sliced across my forearms. Even now, so long healed, they stood out dull red against my skin.

"I've never been through anything as bad as you were, and no one's died because of me that I know of, but… I know what it's like to be _alone_. To one day have a group of people you thought were friends, and the next, find out they'd been using you the whole time and were ready to abandon you without a second thought. I know what it's like to hold the feelings inside until they hurt, until they burst out at the slightest provocation because you haven't let yourself laugh or cry or be angry in _years_. I know what it's like to curl up in the corner of a dark room and cry yourself to sleep, wrapped in blankets far thicker than warranted by the temperature because that's the _only way you feel safe_. No one's died because of me, but I know plenty about losing people."

My head bowed forward under the weight of what I was saying; my hat shadowed my eyes. "But I don't have to feel that way anymore. Luffy… The Straw Hats, they _saved_ me, even if I didn't particularly _want_ to be saved at the time. They gave me a place I could be myself, a purpose I enjoyed… I'm the witch of the pirate king, and I'm _damn proud of it_. And I swear by the fires of Criwe, we _won't_ abandon you and we _won't_ die. After all," here I raised my head with a smirk, "Luffy hasn't claimed his crown yet. _None of us_ are going to die before we see him take the throne."

My captain grinned widely, although with the way he was positioned, there was no way Robin could see it. The archaeologist, however, didn't look convinced. "Little witch… Last time you spoke of faith, and now you're saying you won't die. How can you know that? Everyone dies; how can _you_ claim to know when or where?"

Ouch. Way to throw my initial attitude towards Luffy back in my face, other me. "The same way I know where the Rio Poneglyph is, or that Luffy will be the next pirate king, or that someday Zoro will defeat Mihawk in single combat- because it _has_ to happen that way. There are some things I know, and some I _know_."

Robin frowned. "How can you have different ways of knowing things? I don't understand."

"Well, maybe if you had a little faith in yourself and in _us_ , you'd see."

"Alright, enough, _shut up!_ " Luffy interrupted before Robin could think of a retort. "You're making my head hurt- I've been doing too much thinking already today. Save your big nasty word fight for later- like when I'm asleep!"

"Aye-aye Captain." I backed down with a rueful smile. Robin was too confused to respond. Right, she didn't understand Luffy logic yet. It would come, it would come. Chuckling, Sabo patted my captain on the head.

We'd still been walking as we spoke, so by now we were in the square in front of the castle wall. Pitted craters dotted the ground, and a section of the wall in front of us was full of holes from drills and minor explosions. I whistled at the sight; those walls were _thick_ , to be able to take that kind of punishment and yet not be breached. It was a near thing, of course, but the wall was still standing.

And we weren't the only ones there. One by one, from every direction, our crew mates were showing up. Almost everybody was carrying or dragging a Baroque Works agent or two- although Mr Three, draped over Ace's shoulder, looked more like he'd been taken out by rubber than flames. The fire logia still had eerie blue and green sparks dancing in his hair from whatever he'd done to extinguish the burning buildings. Of all the agents, Bentham was the only one allowed to move freely as he skipped and spun around Sanji, chattering inanely about nail polish. The cook was doing his best to ignore the okama.

It helped Sanji's crusade that Zoro and Nami arrived holding hands. While _I_ could easily tell that the sailing master was simply keeping the bosun from getting lost, the awkwardness of the pair didn't seem to register with the cook. Sanji's face turned an interesting shade of red; he stormed over to Zoro as he and Nami released each other. A steel-toed shoe spun up towards a moss green head; Zoro blocked with a still-sheathed _Yubashiri_ , his eyes radiating angry confusion.

"Hey! What was that for?!"

"How dare you defile Nami's lovely hands with your great filthy paws?! Uncouth ape!"

"Cool it Shit Cook." Ghin dropped his agents and shoved himself in between Sanji and Zoro. "We're all too tired to deal with you having a tantrum."

"Tired?" Zoro huffed. "Speak for yourself, Old Man." The bosun tried to move around Ghin to get at Sanji, only for his sword to be knocked aside by a spinning tonfa.

" _Old man_ , am I? _Really?_ Well, maybe this _old man_ needs to teach you some manners, Grass-for-Brains!"

"Thunder Tempo- Chain!" Nami fired a small bolt of lightning from the end of her _Clima-Tact_. It struck _Yubashiri_ , then leapt to Ghin's tonfa and finally Sanji's shoe. All three men fell to the ground, stiff and twitching. The sailing master spun her weapon with a scowl. "You three, _enough_. Sanji- I was holding Zoro's hand so he didn't get lost. Zoro- don't rise to his bait; it only encourages him. Ghin- you're older than the rest of us; get over it. Any questions?"

All three prone fighters groaned wordless negatives as they slowly got their electrocuted muscles under control. Nami smiled and took her weapon apart. "Excellent."

Johnny and Yosaku took a while to show up- and when they did, it didn't look good. Especially Yosaku. The green hunter was covered in blood, his close torn and charred in much the same manner as mine- although about nine times worse. He didn't have to feel any pain at the moment though, mercifully unconscious. Bruised and battered, Johnny carried his partner, dragging Mr Five behind him. The blue hunter looked like he could collapse at any moment- and then when Ace went over to take the bomb man off his hands, he _did_ collapse. Chopper, arriving at around the same time with Usopp and a bandaged baby bananagator in tow, gasped and rushed to Yosaku's side.

"Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! What happened?! Yosaku needs a doctor!"

"Ummm…" Usopp sweatdropped. " _You're_ the doctor, Chopper."

"Oh, right." The little reindeer quickly calmed down and began pulling things out of his backpack- bandages, rubbing alcohol, needles, thread, some sort of salve that smelled like Polysporin mixed with iris root, and more hydrogen peroxide than I could shake a stick at. Chopper cleaned, sewed, and bandaged Yosaku's wounds with an efficiency that would've left my uncle impressed, and he's a surgeon.

It was only a few minutes before the little doctor was wiping his hooves clean on a soft, white cloth. "There; he's stable. That'll probably be alright, but I'd like to get him indoors for a while. If we keep him outside, it's more likely that something will get in his wounds and cause an infection."

"There are guest rooms you can use in the castle," Vivi's voice called out from an alleyway. "It's the least we can do after all your help; I'm sure my father will agree."

The princess and Lisa were the last to arrive, riding up on Carue. Draped over the duck's back behind them were a couple of people somehow managing to sleep despite being in absolutely _terrible_ condition. Seriously, it looked like they'd been caught in a lab accident! The either-kills-you-or-gives-you-superpowers kind. Green paint in a familiar rune explained why they were dead to the world. I shook my head in disbelief. Wow… If _I_ was supposed to be a witch, what did that make Lisa?

Bouncing in place- although he had yet to release Robin from his Gordian Knot of a hug- Luffy beamed. "Thanks Vivi!"

"You're all wel- what's _she_ doing here?" _Aaaaaaand_ the Peacock Slashers were out, although not spinning. Yet. _Riiiiiiiight_ … Vivi didn't know anything about Robin and still thought the archaeologist was one of the masterminds behind the war in her kingdom. Damage control, I needed to do damage control.

Mentally apologizing to Robin for the fact that what I was about to say might make her look like a fool, I began putting my English degree to good use. Please Criwe, master of fire, law, and mischief, let Robin keep quiet and play along. "None of this is her fault. Crocodile was using Miss All Sunday as much as anyone else; he played her just like he played the citizens of Alabasta. There's something your family's been guarding for generations that she _desperately_ wants to see- something Crocodile convinced her she could find only with _his_ help."

"That said," Spinning on my heel, I turned to face Robin. "Crocodile never would have kept up his end of the deal. He intended to kill you after you read it- and it's not the one you're looking for anyway. The one you want is on or near Raftel; this one says the location of Pluton."

If the archaeologist _had_ been about to protest me making her sound like a gullible dupe, that shut her up. She deflated, collapsing to her knees and looking like she might be fighting back tears again. "All… Everything I did… Everything he made me do… All that and it's just a _weapon?_ "

Oh good, she was willing to play along. That, or she was too stunned to do anything else. Or I'd hit close enough to the truth that it didn't really bother her. Didn't matter. "Aye… Sorry. Did- did you still want to read it? I don't _think_ there's anything else on it, but I could be wrong. I don't always remember things correctly…"

"No…" Robin sighed heavily. Her head dropped, chin coming to rest on one of Luffy's tightly-wound arms. "No- if it's just one of the weapons, I have no interest in it."

Everyone looked confused, although they didn't get a chance to question us. More footsteps were approaching up one of the main streets- three people, moving quickly- and there was a strange flapping, dragging noise coming from a nearby alley. The source of the footsteps reached us first- Jack and Mairead, not really looking like they'd had anything much to do with any of the fighting. And with them was –

"IGARAM!" Vivi's joyful shout hurt my ears. The princess flung herself off of her duck and wrapped her arms around the old soldier. Tears glittered at the corners of her eyes. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

"Oh di-! Mi mi mi mi mi! Oh dear…" The captain of the royal guard hugged his princess back, rubbing her back in soothing circles. "No, your highness, I'm not dead. I _did_ have some trouble getting here, though- someone blew the rudder off my boat. If it wasn't for some helpful marines going the same way, I may never have reached home."

"Are they here? I wish to thank them."

Igaram nodded. "They're restocking at the closest port. Well, most of them- the captain and his right hand are on their way to Alubarna. I told them everything about Crocodile… Although I see you and your little pirate friends didn't need the help." Chuckling ruefully, the guard captain released the princess and took a step back, holding her at arms' length. "I'm so proud of you, and I'm sure your father will be too."

"It was the Straw Hats who did most of the fighting," Vivi murmured, eyes drifting to one side. Igaram barked with laughter.

"And I'm sure your father will have many, many good things to say to them too."

About then, the other approaching sound- the flapping and dragging- reached a crescendo. Igaram and Vivi fell silent as out of an alleyway popped- an otter and a vulture dragging a handcuffed secret agent and a catatonic teenage girl? Even on the Grand Line, that's not something you see every day. I raised my hand to wave at the Unluckies- and then paused, because Thirteen was wearing a tiny _Mountie uniform_ and it was _adorable_.

"You're so _cute!_ " Diving forwards, I scooped the otter up and began cuddling him. His hat flew off with the sudden movement, allowing me to rub his little head. Ruatha squawked and dove away, protesting my leap.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sanji jerk, his eyes going wide. The cook promptly covered his face with one hand. A tiny fleck of red oozed its way out from under his finger a second later.

The object of my affection barked loudly in surprise and immediately started writing. _Unhand me this instant you hoser! I'm an officer of the Queen's Royal Police of Newfin Island- you can't manhandle me like this! Although the head rubs_ do _feel nice…_ As soon as his sign was done, the otter hit me over the head with it and used my surprise as an opportunity to squirm free. Safely out of my arms, Thirteen stood beside Friday and held up another sign- this one significantly less hastily prepared.

 _My name is Drifter; this is my partner, Geier. We tool the liberty of capturing Thursday and Eleven- although the latter's name is Leonard Williams and we will be turning him over to the custody of Her Majesty's Royal Police as soon as we can find a ship heading for Newfin Island. You may retain possession of Thursday; she has no Newfin warrant out for her arrest, so what happens to her is outside my jurisdiction._

…

 _ **WHAT?!**_

I stared, not comprehending what I was seeing. Because _why_ , if Thirteen- sorry, Drifter- was a _police officer_ had the Unluckies been out of work after Baroque Works' defeat? Couldn't they just have gone back to this Newfin Island place and found work with his old force? Blinking slowly, I pointed at the otter's bright red jacket and black-and-gold striped pants.

"You… Mountie… But… Argh!" My brain hurt. Wandering over to the scuffed, pitted castle wall, I began beating my forehead rhythmically against it. The invisible hands that seemed to follow me everywhere patted my shoulder consolingly- although I got the feeling they were also laughing. Just a little. _Gods above and below_ I needed to find out where that presence came from.

Quick scribbling noises behind me; I turned my head to see Drifter holding up another sign. _Your assessment of us as having no place to go after Baroque Works fell wasn't_ wrong _. I_ could _go home any time I liked… Legally. But if I return without the one I was sent out to capture, it will be in disgrace. They won't strip me of my badge or anything… But everyone will_ know _. I could never live with the feeling of letting_ him _get away. A Mountie_ always _gets his man- no matter how long it takes. I was hoping to use Crocodile's organization to help me find him, but obviously, that didn't work out. My next choice would probably have been the marines; they may move slower than syrup in a snowstorm, but when it comes to_ quantity _of information available, there are few better. But if you still think you can find us a better placement, I'm all ears._

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?! Nope, still couldn't handle this. It was all too much; my writer must be going off her rocker to give such a minor character such a detailed backstory. That, or I was hallucinating again. I didn't _feel_ that tired, but that didn't mean I _wasn't_. Or maybe I accidentally drank cactus juice- although I couldn't tell _when_ that might've happened. Ah, didn't matter- whether I was hallucinating due to tiredness or cactus juice, I should probably lie down either way. Spinning on the ball of my foot, I turned and started heading for the castle gate.

Ghin's voice grumbled behind me. "Jones… Where're you going?"

Raising one hand high over my head, I flipped him off without turning around. You _don't_ need to monitor my every move, Ghin. "Bed. I'm going to find a bed and sleep until the world decides to start making sense again." To clarify- _Grand Line_ sense, dear readers. I'm not dumb enough to try and sleep until the world started making sense by _Earth_ standards. That's not called sleep; it's called becoming a vegetable.

"Thunder Tempo!" The smell of ozone filled my nose as the air split with a sharp _crack_. Before I'd taken six steps, a charge hit me in the back. Down I went, muscles stiffening beyond my control. At least I was able to absorb the force of the resulting face-to-street connection.

"Tabarnak!" I yelped as soon as I could control the muscles in my face again. "What was that for?!"

My crew mates all turned as one to look at Ghin. He shrugged. "Sorry, not this time. Wasn't on her away team, so I didn't think I'd need it."

"Need what?" Maybe it was the recent electrocution talking, but I had _no idea_ what people were talking about.

Groaning and rubbing her temples, Nami pointed at the remains of my shirt. "You're not wandering through the castle _dressed like that!_ Get a shirt on! You're not Ace!"

Nami's comment made Ace- knowing what he knew about being my favourite character and all- burst out laughing. "Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"

Sabo immediately swatted his brother with a Haki-infused pipe, silencing the logia. "It's not funny Ace! And don't ever laugh like Garp ever again! You'll give me flashbacks!"

"Sorry, sorry." Ace winced. His skin was pale between his freckles. "I don't know where it came from, honest. Maybe the same place as _you_ laughing like _Luffy_."

"Except _that_ isn't scary!"

A glance back at Nami revealed that she was considering zapping Ace and Sabo, but eventually decided against it. Sighing, the sailing master marched over to the Revolutionary and jabbed the thunder segment of her _Clima-Tact_ at his chest. " _You_ \- take of your coat."

"What?!"

"Take. Off. Your. _Coat_."

"Alright, alright, calm down." Sabo did as he was told, handing Nami his royal blue jacket. "Sheesh… And I thought going on leave would get me _away_ from bossy redheads for a week or so."

"Thank _you_." Turning, Nami flung Sabo's coat over my shoulders before I'd even regained my feet, tugging my arms into the sleeves and cinching everything closed with brusque efficiency. "And _you_ … _You_ need to stop taking so much clothing damage! It's not appropriate! If you can't stop putting yourself in those sorts of situations, maybe you need to get armour or something- _that_ won't rip so easily!"

"No! If I wear heavy armour, I lose my speed and AC bonuses and can't use my Flurry of Blows!" I waved my arms as I spoke; Sabo's sleeves- far too long for my arms- flopped around me. His whole coat was huge on me, like a great woolen dress. And _hot_ \- how could he bear to _wear_ this in the desert?

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nami informed me. "What I _do_ know is that you seem to have been destroying a shirt for every two islands since you got your powers, and I'm _not_ expanding your budget to keep up with that kind of damage. You _need_ something more durable, at least to wear under your clothes if you want to still look like a normal person on the surface. Although at the rate you go through clothing, you'd end up just running around in your armour anyways."

"And why _can't_ I have an expanded budget?" I wanted to know. " _I'm_ the one who came up with the bounty hunting scheme, and _I'm_ the one who knows where to find treasure in the future and how to make the most of it. And it's not like I'm spending it on worthless stuff like Luffy would!"

Our captain, still wrapped around Robin like an octopus on a clam, cut in indignantly. "Hey! I wouldn't-!"

Nami and I both turned to stare at him. In a second, we went from arguing to speaking in unison. " **Would you or would you not spend every beri you had on candy and windup toys?** "

"Meep!" Luffy shrunk down, hiding his head behind Robin's. The archaeologist wasn't very helpful; once more, she was left stiffening and stifling her own laughter.

Turning back to each other, Nami and I opened our mouths to continue our debate. We didn't get a chance to, though. Zoro marched over before either of us could speak, Chopper hanging off one of his arms as the reindeer bandaged the bosun's bleeding bicep. The swordsman picked me up with his good hand and slung me up behind his shoulder, carrying me in a way that reminded me of some pictures I'd seen of movie stars carrying their jackets.

"You two can fight about money later. Right now, everyone needs to rest. Hey Vivi," Zoro glanced over at the stunned princess, "Where're those guest rooms you said we could use?"

"Huh? Oh, this way!" Vivi pointed to the castle gate and immediately moved to guide our crew in. "Just follow me." She and Igaram led the way as our crew- plus Ace, Sabo, and a quartet of former Baroque Works agents- headed inside. A couple of guards came after a few minutes to take the unconscious agents we were carrying. They must've been a skeleton crew, left behind to guard the king while the rest of the Royal Army was out trying to get the fires under control. Both were teenagers, inexperienced- although at least they knew enough to acquiesce when Drifter handed them a paper detailing reasons why Eleven was to be kept separate from the others and how the Newfin fugitive was to be treated.

Or maybe it was the otter's snarl and sharp little teeth that convinced them.

A familiar man appeared around a corner as we made our way to the second floor, tall with long hair. Cobra. The king looked askance at us as we paused. "Vivi? Are these the rest of your pirate friends?"

"Y-Yes Daddy!" The princess smiled. "I was just leading them to the fourth-floor guest suite. And Daddy- Igaram survived! He's back!"

Cobra chuckled. "I see that. It's good to have you back Igaram; would you care to rest, or would you like to make your report now? I assume you _have_ a report, since you and my daughter have been away on your under-cover mission for quite some time."

"Your Majesty." Igaram bowed. "I would like to clean myself up first, if you don't mind, but I can be ready to give you my report in two hours."

"Of course, of course. There's no rush Igaram; I'm sure you've had a trying couple of years, and Vivi and her friends have already filled me in on most of the details."

Igaram nodded. "Of course. Thank you, Your Majesty." Turning to Vivi, the captain of the guard bowed again. "I'll be taking my leave now, your highness. Have fun with your pirate friends."

Still smiling, Vivi hugged her guard again before he left. "You too, Igaram. The having fun part, I mean. I'm so glad you're home safe."

"Me too, your highness. Me too." Extricating himself from the embrace with surprising dignity, Igaram trotted off, presumably in the direction of his quarters.

Reaching out, Cobra rested a hand on Vivi's shoulder. "Darling, I leave our guests in your capable hands. Although… Please try to have them presentable for a public audience the day after tomorrow." The king didn't explain what he meant by that; his eyes twinkled as he took a step back. Vivi must've had some idea though, since her smile grew even wider as she bowed.

"Of course Daddy!"

Wait, what? The day after tomorrow… I counted quickly as we resumed out walk towards the guest quarters. Let's see… I remembered Luffy missing fifteen meals when he was asleep after his fight with Crocodile, because everyone's reaction to him counting five meals a day was hilarious. Which meant we had at least three days. Okay, doing a thing the day after tomorrow shouldn't put us off schedule. I sighed in relief as we arrived at our destination. Good. None of the time-sensitive stuff should be affected.

The guest suite Vivi was offering us appeared to have been designed for visiting nobles with large entourages. It had five rooms- a sitting room, a master bedroom, a small washroom, what appeared to be a walk-in closet, and servants' quarters that in and of themselves were large enough to house our entire crew. The whole thing was decorated with pale, polished wood; bright, intricate goldwork; and gauzy green cotton. I could see Nami casing the place, assessing the value of each lamp and bedspread; luckily, so could Ghin. A quirk of his eyebrow was enough to remind the sailing master that this was a friend's house, immediately leaving her looking sheepish.

Vivi clapped her hands together as we looked around. "There's a bathhouse and sauna down on the first floor- the castle was built on a hot spring. I recommend all of you head down there when you're ready- no offense, but most of you reek of blood, sweat, and gunpowder. _I_ reek of blood, sweat, and gunpowder. In fact, I'll be heading down to the baths now if anyone wants to come with me."

A bath- an actual _hot_ bath, not the sort of vaguely lukewarm water we got on the _Going Merry_? Count me in. I dropped my hat, weapons, and belts on a bed in the corner, claiming it- and how had my utility belt and bandoliers survived the explosion when my shirt hadn't? They were just as much in the line of fire. Unable to think of an explanation, I put it out of my mind for the moment. Instead, I opened a few of my pockets to let their inhabitants out. Samsung slid out onto the bed with a broad grin; the snails I'd taken from Rain Dinners were far more reluctant to emerge, and looked terrified when they did so.

"But what about Yosaku?" Chopper squeaked. "We can't just leave him here alone!" Hooves flailing, the little reindeer pointed at the bed where Johnny had laid his unconscious partner- only to see the green hunter struggling to sit up.

"I- I'm okay, Li'l Bro. Long as someone helps me get there and back… Hot springs might feel good right about now." Yosaku winced as he managed to prop himself up against the headboard. "Ergh… My everything hurts…"

"S'what you get for tanking an explosion Bro." Johnny's voice was clogged; a single tear rolled out from under his sunglasses. "You shouldn't've pushed me outta the way like that."

"Already told you- couldn't stand it if I lost you." Yosaku reached out and pulled Johnny down to kiss him. Everyone had different reactions to this, despite knowing in theory that the hunters were _together_. Vivi, Nami, Lisa, and I cooed- because _damn_ , despite all the bandages and injuries, that was somehow _adorable_. Ruatha cooed because I did; he didn't understand. Sanji averted his eyes, uncomfortable with seeing something so intimate. Zoro, Robin, and Ghin did nothing, while Luffy looked confused. Ace and Sabo groaned softly and looked like they were praying their little brother wouldn't ask any questions. Drifter and Geier ignored the sight completely, grooming each other. And dear little Chopper looked up at Usopp with shining eyes, tugging on the gunner's pants.

"So… does this mean Johnny and Yosaku are mates?"

"Um… Er… Yes!" Usopp's face was bright red. "That's why _no one's_ supposed to go on deck when they're on watch together- some of us have _seen things_ that were _not_ meant to be seen."

"Ah. Okay then." Chopper nodded thoughtfully.

It was Zoro who changed the subject, much to the relief of Sanji, Ace, and Sabo. The bosun carefully propped his swords up beside his chosen bed, then took off his bandanna and haramaki and laid them out on the sheets. "Well, I dunno about the rest of you, but I'm heading down to the hot spring. Haven't been to a decent onsen since I left Shimotsuki…"

"I'll go with you to make sure you don't get lost!" Usopp volunteered quickly, his voice just a shade too loud for the indoors.

Everyone quickly claimed their beds after that, laying weapons and accessories on and around them as a physical dibs. We were all ready to follow Vivi to that baths within moments- even Robin, although Luffy had removed her cowboy hat for her and used it to mark her place on a bed between mine and Nami's. He was also still leading the archaeologist by one hand as we all headed out, as if afraid that if he let go, she would try to escape again.

"You know," Nami mused as we made out way down to the baths, "I think tonight might be the first time you're sleeping in the same room as the rest of us, Jones."

I shrugged. "Gonna give it a try. If I'm still too uncomfortable, one night without sleep won't kill me and I'll find a new spot tomorrow."

The sailing master nodded. "Fair enough."

When we arrived at the baths, Sanji drooped in disappointment on learning there were separate sides for men and women. I snickered. Then I nudged Ruatha to get down off my shoulders. My dragon obeyed with a confused chirp, sitting beside Johnny's feet. I poked his scaly forehead.

"You need to go on the boy's side, bud. And _be good_ ; no fighting with Sharpie or anything like that." The aforementioned bananagator glanced up from where he was dozing between Chopper's antlers and snapped a couple of times; I swear if it were physically possible for gators to stick their tongues out, he would've done so. Ruatha turned his head to hiss at the smaller reptile. But my dragon was a good boy; he did as I said with only a token protest.

That left me with Nami, Vivi, Lisa, Robin, and Geier as we headed into the bathhouse. Despite Luffy's apparent worry, the archaeologist made no attempt to leave us and even undressed without issue, content to join the rest of us in the warm water. I couldn't tell if she'd accepted that resistance was futile, or if she was biding her time for the right chance to escape. Of course, either way, by the time that chance _came_ , she _wouldn't_ want it any more. We'd make sure of that.

And then I took Sabo's coat off. Nami, Vivi, and Lisa- all of whom _knew_ what was there- winced in spite of themselves; Geier hissed and fluffed up her feathers. Even Robin frowned in concern. "Those scars… What happened to you? How are you still alive?"

I shrugged, causing the handprint shapes on my shoulder blades to move like flapping wings. "Almost eaten by a T-Rex, and pissed off an overprotective firebrand. As for how I'm alive- stubbornness and plot armour, mostly. We also happen to have the best doctor in the world, who was able to patch me up before I bled out or succumbed to infection."

Chopper apparently heard me over the dividing wall, because my words were immediately followed by a "Calling me the best doctor in the world won't make me happy, asshole!"

Sinking into the warm water was _wonderful_. I sighed happily; I hadn't had a bath like this since coming to the _One Piece_ world. That was _months_ ago. Between the heat and the fact that I was neck-deep in water, I felt as limp as a boiled noodle, but I couldn't bring myself to care. This was _heavenly_. Closing my eyes, I revelled in the slightly sulphuric scent of the steam rising around me.

"Ooh, this is _lovely_ ," Nami moaned as she joined me in the water. Vivi's hair swished loudly as the princess nodded.

"It's probably one of the things I missed most while I was away." Vivi groaned softly. I could _hear_ the stress and tension seeping out of her as she climbed into the bath.

Robin chuckled softly as she joined us. Seconds later, she was followed by a surprisingly heavy splash as Lisa jumped in. The little painter giggled. "Oh, it's so warm! And there are _bubbles!_ "

Geier didn't join us in the bath proper, preferring to splash around in the puddles on the edges. Vultures don't really like to swim. But the steam was probably more than enough to clean her feathers anyway.

A great deal of scuffling and splashing indicated movement on the men's side. I rolled my head in the direction of the wall, eyes still closed. "Sanji… If you and anyone else are planning on peeping, keep in mind that I'm capable of absorbing the combined force of feminine rage in the room and concentrating it into a single strike to the gonads. _Amplified_."

A voice on the other side of the dividing wall meeped; it was followed by a scrambling noise, a loud thud and splash, and the sound of draconic screeching overlaid with yelled insults. "Merde! Don't stand so close behind people, Shitty Dragon! You're gonna kill someone like that! Tête de noeud!"

"Reym!" Ruatha shrieked back.

"Sesehihihihihi!" I shook my head and grinned, eyes still closed. "Just remember bud, if you kill off the cook, you have to deal with _me_ making dinner until we get a new one."

That made my dragon- who hadn't even been _born_ for the ginger incident, dammit- shriek in protest. Opening my eyes, I groped around for a bar of soap and launched it over the dividing wall. And of course- with how my weirdly horrible aim works- because I couldn't see my target, the soap beaned Ruatha in the head first try. My dragon squawked indignantly. Even though I couldn't see him, I stuck out my tongue.

"That's what you get for mocking me!"

Nami groaned. "Jones… can't you just _relax_ and let us enjoy this for _five minutes?_ "

"Eheheheh… Sorry…" I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "That was a common complaint about me back home- I don't really know _how_ to relax. Of course, other people thought I relaxed too much… I can't win, can I?"

A loud splash sounded on the other side of the wall. It was followed by Sabo putting in his two cents. "If you think _you_ don't know how to relax, you should come over here and look at your swordsman. He's _doing kata_ \- in the _bath_."

"Oi! Water resistance helps increase strength!" Zoro's growl of protest was punctuated by another loud splash, as well as the sound of a freshly-inundated gentleman spitting out water and sputtering.

Lisa bounced in place, splashing water over my head. "They sound like they're having fun over there- I wanna have a splash fight too!"

Geier and Nami shrieked in protest at the same time. "No!"

Pouting, the little painter scuffed the bottom of the bath with her foot. "Fine… I'll find something _else_ to do then." Water swirled in lazy spirals as Lisa made her way over to me. "Hey Jones… Can I paint you?"

"Um…" My brain froze. "Please don't. Remember what happened last time?"

Lisa shook her head. "No, not paint as in _paint_. Paint as in _makeup_. Make you all pretty and colourful! And I could braid your hair too! Although I guess if I wanted, I _could_ use makeup as a medium to deliver my Colour Traps." A thoughtful look came over her face.

"Please don't." I sank lower into the water, up to my eyeballs. But Lisa just stared at me, her expression slowly morphing into a pout, complete with quivering lip. And were her eyes starting to water? I rose up out of the bath enough to make some better protests. "Look, I don't _have_ any makeup, and neither do you. So we can't do that right now, right?"

"Actually…" Vivi looked sheepish, although her eyes were dancing. "You could use some of _mine_ if you like."

I shot the princes a glare and opened my mouth to come up with more arguments. Unfortunately, Nami spoke up before I could. "I'd like to help too. It'd be nice to see Jones looking like an actual _girl_ for once."

"Nope! Not happening!" Hauling myself out of the water, I took off towards the changeroom. I got maybe three steps before a bunch of arms sprouted from the floor, grabbed me by the ankles, and stopped me dead. I went down, landing on my face on wet stone. Thank you, Force-Force Fruit, for preventing that stunt from breaking my nose. A glance to the side showed that Robin had gotten out of the bath at the same time I did. The archaeologist didn't say anything, but there was a small smile on her face as she held her arms folded in front of her. I groaned in defeat.

"Just so you know… I hate _all_ of you right now."

That didn't deter them in the slightest. Vivi ran to get her makeup while Robin sprouted more arms to flip me over and hold me in position for the operation. I glared at the archaeologist the hardest. "You- you keep protesting that you're not one of us! Which you are, but that's besides the point. If you're trying not to get attached, why are you _helping_ them?!"

"Think of it as revenge for the confusing haze of emotions you and your captain keep putting me through," Robin chuckled wryly.

Lisa braided my hair while they were waiting for the princess to get back. Which was… painful. She pulled too hard and ripped knots out with her fingers. _This_ was why I didn't like people doing stuff to my hair. It never looked good and it almost always _hurt_ on the way there. I growled; Nami smirked and poked me on the nose. "Ah, ah, ah, Jones. Play nice, or we'll pierce your ears too while we've got you down here."

 _Merde_. I clamped my mouth shut and forced myself to go limp, because _no way in the Nine Hells_. On the men's side, Luffy's confused voice rose over the sound of splashing. "How's that a threat? And why'd it make Jones look more like a girl anyway? Zoro and Ghin have pierced ears."

Then hands appeared on the top of the dividing wall, followed shortly by a head of messy, sopping black hair as Luffy pulled himself up with a rubbery snap. "Do it Nami! Pierce Jones' ears like Zoro and Ghin have! It'll look cool!"

Drip. _Drip._ _ **Drip.**_

For about thirty seconds, the only sounds came from water, dripping, sloshing, and splashing. And even most of those were much quieter than they'd been moments before. Everyone on the women's side of the baths was staring up at Luffy- and I'm willing to bet that everyone on the men's side was too. Eventually, the silence was broken by Sanji and I letting out simultaneous roars of protest- albeit over very different subject matter.

"Osti d'épais de marde! You're not getting a needle within _ten feet_ of my ears, comprendez? Mon tabarnak j'vais te décalisser la yeule, calice!"

"Why does the shitty captain get to look over when Jones threatened to _bust my balls_ if _I_ peeped?!"

"Because Luffy has the sex drive of a wet leaf! We don't care what _he_ sees!" Nami hollered at the cook. Then she turned and flicked me in the forehead. "And it was a _joke_. Sheesh."

Up on the wall, Luffy pouted. "I still think it'd be cool… Why doesn't Jones want pierced ears? Lots of pirates have 'em- right?"

"I just _don't_."

"Okay…" Luffy dropped back down to the men's side with a wet thud. He was immediately accosted by Sanji, mumbling something incoherent about lucky bastards and the promised land. While the cook's speech was incomprehensible, though, the captain's response was perfectly clear- even if it didn't really make much sense without context. "I dunno… Soft? Like they're supposed to, I guess. How'd I know?"

Vivi returned shortly after that. And then? Then I was in Hell. With Robin holding me down, I was unable to escape as Lisa and Nami began poking and prodding at my face, comparing colours and humming. I didn't understand half of what was coming out of their mouths. And even _Geier_ was getting in on the action- the vulture had hopped over and was meddling around with my fingers, doing something I couldn't see due to the plethora of arms around me.

"It helps that Jones and Vivi have similar eye colours and complexion- although Jones' eyes are a bit greyer and a lot of these tones are meant to go with blue hair…" Nami sighed as she brushed something across my face. "And this concealer works _wonders_. I can barely see her scars."

The princess smiled and pulled out a pair of tweezers. _Oh no_ , she _wouldn't_ … Apparently she would. Vivi began plucking at my eyebrows as she replied. "I know. It- it's one Kohza bought me, years ago, to hide scrapes from my father when we'd been out on missions for the Suna-Suna Clan."

Lisa held up a stick of garishly bright red lipstick. "Do you think this colour would look good?"

No, no I did not. But Nami hummed in consideration and finally nodded. "Yes. That's the same shade of red as the band on her hat. Nice eye, Lisa."

"Well, I _am_ a painter."

Finished her assault on my eyebrows, Vivi put the tweezers away. What she pulled out though… Nu-uh. That was some sort of torture device. "Jones, I'm going to need you to keep your eyes open for a few seconds- no matter what I do, you can't blink."

No! No, I was _closing_ my eyes, thank you very much. But when I tried, Robin sprouted more hands to hold them open. Vivi nodded her thanks as she applied what I assume was mascara. And then they immediately forced me to _close_ my eyes so they could brush several different things on top of my eyelids. While the princess and the archaeologist were doing this, Lisa darted in underneath them to apply her chosen lipstick.

A rather pitiful whine escaped me. I'd never felt so helpless in my life. "Ghin… Save me."

"Sorry Jones, but between what you threatened the shit cook with earlier, what _Nami_ would do to me, and how disappointed Lisa would be if I interrupted, you couldn't _pay_ me to come over that wall."

Geier finished whatever she'd been doing to my fingers as Nami was brushing something powdery onto my already concealer-laden cheeks. Whatever it was got on my nose as well- and _in_ it, making my nostrils itch something fierce. The vulture moved on to my toes with a questioning clack of her beak. And somehow, _somehow_ , Vivi understood what she was asking. "Don't worry, it's all waterproof. I could show you where to buy some when you're restocking tomorrow. Um… You _are_ restocking tomorrow, right? You'll stick around for a couple days for what Father has planned?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Nami told her. "Hmm… Would you also be able to help us find somewhere we could get some leather armour or something for Jones?"

"And a dress!" Lisa piped up.

That was the last straw for me. Nope, nope, nope; I do _not_ wear dresses, _ever_. Biting the nearest of Robin's hands- which caused the rest of them to disappear in puffs of flower petals as she rubbed her newly-injured limb- I scrambled away from my tormentors. Dark purple glinted on my hands and feet as I moved. Nail polish. Only… I remembered _just then_ that I'd taken my glasses off before coming entering the bath. They were back in the changeroom. Which I was being forced to run _away from_ due to the presence of the other girls.

Tabarnak.

Unable to see, I stepped on a bar of soap. It skidded along the floor, taking my balance with it and sending me flying. I crashed into the dividing wall with a loud thud, then immediately fell onto my back on the floor. Twin charges of force shot through me. Ergh… I thought that sort of thing only happened in ani-

Oh. Right.

Getting to my feet, I placed one hand on the wall to guide myself as I edged around. Hopefully I'd be able to get to the door without being grabbed again. My itching nose wasn't making it any easier to find my way either. Aiiiiiieeeeeee… It was so bad it was making my eyes water. Stopping where I was, I tried valiantly to hold in the impending sneeze. Fate- or my writer- had other plans though.

 _ **"HAAAAAAATCHOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

To say my sneeze was explosive would be an understatement- if we're talking metaphorically. The noise echoed around the bathroom like someone had fired a cannon; the other girls all clapped their hands- or in Geier's case, wings- over their ears. However, if we're speaking _literally_ … Yeah, explosive is probably a pretty good description for a sneeze that caused me to release a burst of force and destroy the dividing wall between the baths.

Silence reigned in the aftermath of the eruption. The men stared through the hole that had been so violently formed between the two sections. Then several things happened at once. Sanji's nose began to pour blood as his eyes turned into pulsing, _glowing_ hearts, causing the cook to cover his face with both hands. The sight of the blood made Chopper squeak loudly and rush to Sanji's aid. Ghin groaned and rubbed his temples. Lisa squealed and dove into the water, hiding in a cloud of soap suds. And Drifter, completely unfazed, held up one of his signs.

 _Wow. That concealer really_ did _do an amazing job with her scars_.

Nami's eyes glowed red; the sailing master glared at the men so hard, I was surprised she wasn't somehow managing to create a hurricane even _without_ her _Clima-Tact_. "You… Everyone except Luffy, Chopper, and Drifter- 50,000 beri for peeping. _Each_."

Johnny squawked in protest. "Hey! Me'n Yosaku aren't even _interested_ in girls!"

"You're still _looking_ though!" the sailing master snapped. Then she turned her glare on me. "And _Jones_ … _You've_ just earned yourself a 50,000,000 beri debt for taking down that wall!"

"It wasn't on purpose!" I scrambled to hide myself behind some of the rubble that had resulted from my explosive sneeze. On the other side of the hole, Vivi was doing the same. Neither Nami nor Robin appeared too bothered by the situation, standing out in the open as they were.

"And that's why your debt's not even bigger!" Grabbing a towel from the side of the room, Nami soaked it in bath water and flicked it at me.

I scrambled away as fast as I could, heading for the door to the changeroom. "Oi! That hurts!"

"It's supposed to!"

As I reached the door and yanked it open, I heard one last comment from the men's side. This time it was Zoro's voice, low and mildly approving. "See Sabo? I'm not the only one- Jones had her weights on in the bath."

 _SLAM!_ I shut the door as fast as I could to avoid anymore of that awkward situation. Underneath the heavy coating of makeup, I could feel my face heating up. Merde… This was _not_ a good day. My embarrassment levels were so high they were about to cook my brain. I'd never expected _anything_ like that to happen- and I suffered clothing damage at a rate approaching fanservice in an adult manga!

And to make matters worse, I'd just gotten myself in debt to _Nami_.

X

Nami stepped out of the changeroom, running her fingers through her hair as a makeshift brush. Still damp… That bath had felt so good. If the _Going Merry_ were larger- and plumbing less expensive- she'd have advocated for getting a bath like that on the ship. Sadly, it just wasn't possible.

Robin wasn't far behind her; for all the older woman's protests that she wasn't one of them, she didn't seem to be trying all that hard to leave. Then again… Robin _had_ been part of an organization that was trying to overthrow the country, even if she _personally_ didn't care for that goal. She was probably worried she'd be arrested if caught wandering alone. Which… Nami frowned. There was something faintly familiar there, beyond just having met Robin briefly as they left Whiskey Peak. The sailing master bit her lip, thinking. She'd seen Robin somewhere else, before that- maybe on one of the bounty posters Johnny and Yosaku carried with them everywhere.

If that was it, they might have to start being more careful around marines and such. Couldn't keep the bounty hunter act up easily with a crewmember who _had_ a bounty.

Wincing at the thought, Nami turned to shoot Robin a reassuring smile. The older woman returned her look with one of confusion. "What is it, Baryshnya Navigator?"

Sighing, Nami looked away, turning her attention to the vibrant paintings on the walls. Lovely, and probably worth a lot- but _impossible_ to detach, even if they belonged to someone she _was_ willing to steal from. Which she would never do to Vivi.

"It's… Just… I know Luffy can be a bonehead and insensitive about things, once he decides you're one of us- my recruitment was no picnic either- but… You know you can trust us, right? Luffy doesn't word things well, and he's too forceful sometimes, but his heart's in the right place."

"I see…"

"He saved me," Nami offered. Because _no_ , Robin didn't see. Not yet. She _wouldn't_ see until she knew what lengths the crew would go to when helping one of their own. "He saved _all of us_. From our prides, our fears… Our _pasts_."

Robin didn't answer. Nami sighed. Maybe… Maybe in order to make the older woman adjust, it would help if they _all_ told their recruitment stories. Maybe _then_ Robin would see that she wasn't alone. But for that… For that, the entire crew would need to be together. So it would just have to wait for now. The sailing master sighed again before descending into an awkward silence.

Footsteps and the brush of expensive fabric on stone drew Nami's attention as she and Robin walked back towards the crew's rooms. They rounded the corner to see King Cobra striding towards her. He paused at the sight of them.

"Hello. You're the sailing master of that crew Vivi hired- Nami, right?" Cobra glanced from Nami to Robin. "And… Hello. I'm not sure we were ever introduced, but your face… Nico Robin?"

"Yep, that's me." Nami wasn't sure whether to be on her guard or not. She usually was, around expensively dressed men, but… She wasn't trying to steal from this one. Although the fact that he knew Robin's name without being told set her slightly on edge. "What can I do for you?"

Robin said nothing, just nodded politely. But without meeting Cobra's eyes.

The king fidgeted, actually looking… _nervous_. "I have a reward for your crew, if you care for it. It's not much, and I don't know if you'll actually be able to make any use of it, but… A little bird told me that it was part of the problems we were having with Crocodile in the first place, so maybe others might be interested… And unlike most, I'm fairly certain I can trust you."

Cobra's words appeared to leave Robin deeply confused- probably wondering how anyone could trust a bunch of pirates, even if they _did_ save his country. Nami could understand that feeling. They'd find a way to make Robin understand someday, though. Hopefully soon.

As for the moment at hand? The word _reward_ piqued Nami's interest. She'd been under the impression that however it was King Cobra was planning to thank them, it would be happening in a day or two. Publicly. So _this_ \- an offer of a reward mentioned in an isolated hallway, not even in front of the whole crew- was mildly suspicious.

To say the least.

 _Maybe it was treasure_ , said the part of Nami's mind that probably would've turned to piracy and theft even without meeting Arlong. _Maybe it's something rare and valuable that most citizens don't even know exists in Alabasta, and that people would be upset with their king for giving away. Nobles sometimes have things like that, right? Or maybe with the recent civil war, he doesn't want it advertised that he's giving pirates something of value when the country is already in dire straits…_

The sailing master felt her eyes shift into beri symbols at the word _treasure_. Cobra shot her an odd look. "Are you alright, Miss Nami? I… Don't often see people's eyes become currency, except for a few of the more _unstable_ merchants I've known."

"Yeah," she mumbled dazedly, head still in the clouds. "Perfectly alright. Never better."

Not that Nami had any idea what they would _do_ with any treasure they found or were given- aside from funding Luffy's bottomless pit of a stomach and Jones' habit of destroying clothes. Now that she was out from under Arlong's control, money just… didn't seem to matter so much, most of the time. Although she still wanted to _have_ it, if anything came up.

That, and gold and silver and gems were just so _pretty_. She'd like to have some just for herself, not necessarily to worry about selling or anything.

Robin made a little noise of understanding as Nami drew herself out of her thoughts. Understanding and… resignation? Did this have something to do with what Jones had said earlier- about the thing Vivi's family had been guarding for generations? The thing that was one of the things Robin was looking for, but at the same time wasn't one she wanted? The weapon?

Even if that was the case, it didn't stop Robin from following along with Nami as the king turned and stepped down a nearby hallway, motioning for them to follow.

Cobra led the two women through a series of winding passages, eventually coming out into one of the main courtyards. There was a small building off to one side. The king headed for it with an unswerving course. His steps were heavy; his head was bowed.

"This mausoleum is the place where all my ancestors are buried- along with their greatest secrets." Cobra rested one hand on the door of the building with a heavy sigh. "No one but the ruling monarch goes inside. Until now."

The door opened with an ominous sound, sandstone rubbing on granite. A cloud of dust rose as sunlight shone on a set of dusty stone steps- the mausoleum obviously hadn't been opened in years. Cobra lit a torch before heading inside; Nami pulled out a handkerchief and covered her mouth and nose with it as she followed. Robin coughed and raised a hand to shield her face.

Each step was cushioned by several years worth of dust. It felt almost like a carpet beneath their feet.

At the bottom of the stairs was a long, wide hallway with alcoves off the sides. Many were empty, but a number of the alcoves contained stone sarcophagi, some covered in more dust than others. It was rather eerie, in the flickering torchlight- especially since their footsteps and the hem of Cobra's robes sent dust flying up into the air. Some of the motes sparkled orange in the dim light of the torch. Others… Others bounced and rolled across the floor as great grey dust bunnies.

Nami grew more apprehensive as they went deeper into the mausoleum. Why, exactly, was Cobra leading them down here? The sarcophagi they were passing got steadily older and more elaborate, kings from prosperous ancient times. Soon the smooth marble carvings were covered in aged gold leaf, and even the occasional gemstone. Some had assorted treasures placed around them in their alcoves- an ancient tradition of burying the necessities of life for those heading to the afterlife. As if it were just another world…

But Cobra didn't lead Nami and Robin into any of these old tombs, nor did his gait slow. Not until they reached the very end of the hallway, where a large shining cube sat in a dusty place of honour. A thin shaft of light descended from the ceiling to illuminate its face, evidence of a hole far above.

The cube was strange, made of some substance that seemed to be stone, glass, and metal all at once. Nami had never seen anything like it before. And while most of the sides were polished smooth, the face that was illuminated was covered in strange symbols. They were engraved deep, sharp and precise as if cut with a knife. But when Nami placed a hand on the cube… No knife could've cut into that substance.

Nami turned to Cobra. "What _is_ this thing?"

"A Poneglyph," the Robin interrupted quietly, resting a hand reverently on the strange cube as well. Cobra nodded.

"It's been in the care of the Nefertari family for at least eight hundred years. Our ancestors were charged with protecting it, until it was needed again, and keeping it out of the hands of those who would misuse the information it contains." Here, the king sighed. "I don't know _all_ of what is written there, but the reason we were tasked with keeping it hidden is that it details the location of one of the Ancient Weapons of the Void Century."

"Wow…" Nami wasn't sure she understood. She couldn't remember ever having heard about any Void Century or Ancient Weapons before. Beside her, Robin looked apprehensive.

"Why wouldn't you know everything it says?" Nami asked, "Can't you read this?" She traced one of the engravings with her finger. "They… They _are_ words, aren't they?"

"They are." Cobra nodded. "But I cannot read them. No one can; not anymore. The only ones I know of who _could_ were the scholars of Ohara, but they… Their island vanished years ago." He stared hard at Robin as he spoke. She didn't seem to notice.

"Not _no one_ ," Robin said softly. The older woman stared at a corner of the room, unable to meet Nami or Cobra's gaze. For all her voice was quiet, it was also painfully bitter. "There was… At least one survivor, when Ohara was _destroyed._ A little girl, only eight years old…"

The king nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I'd heard that… And I suppose she might have some interest in the Poneglyphs, if only to figure out _why_ things happened the way they did, twenty years ago. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be well-informed enough to help her. Even if I might wish to." Cobra's voice was tight, careful- like he was probing for something, but also afraid of revealing too much.

"Any little girl whose home was destroyed would want closure," Robin said carefully. "But… That little girl from Ohara had best be careful. Even if _she_ has no interest in finding and using the Ancient Weapons, others might not believe her- or might wish to force her to use her knowledge so _they_ might seek out the awful things. It's best if she just stays hidden, tries to keep herself safe."

Here Robin let out a dark, rueful chuckle. "But little girls aren't always so sensible. That said… If the only thing on this Poneglyph is the location of an Ancient Weapon, I doubt she'll have much use for it. It won't give her closure, or teach her anything worth knowing about history and culture- all it will do is bring her pain. No little girl would care to enact the fears that led to her mother's death."

"Of course not." Cobra nodded, smiling. Whatever he had been probing for, it seemed he was happy with what he'd found.

Why did Nami feel like there was a second conversation going on there, something behind Cobra and Robin's words? This was- _oh_. So, _Robin_ might be able to decode… If given enough time. And for good or ill, anything that lead to a country _disappearing_ had to be important. Something they might need to know later, if only to avoid it…

This had been a _test_. A test to see if Robin wanted to use the weapons. Which she didn't. _That_ was why Cobra brought them down here; he wanted to see what they would _do_. What it was Robin _wanted_ with these weird old rocks.

"Is… Is it alright if I take a rubbing?" Nami asked hesitantly, still tracing the incomprehensible symbols. "I promise I won't let anyone outside the crew see it."

"A rubbing?" Cobra looked momentarily flabbergasted, looking from Nami to the Poneglyph. It took him a moment to answer. "Yes… Yes, I suppose it's alright. As long as you can promise me that no one outside your crew will ever lay eyes on it. Even people who are travelling with you, like my daughter did- no one who's not an _official_ member of the crew. Only people you know you can trust." He shot an appraising look at Robin before nodding firmly.

Nami flicked a pirate salute with her right hand; with her left, she fished through her pockets for paper and a few wax crayons. "Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye."

Cobra chuckled as she started taking her rubbing. "Where did you learn such an _interesting_ oath?"

"My older sister. She made it up after one of my birthdays. Our- our adoptive mother tried to make cupcakes, but she was also trying to break up a fight between me and Nojiko… She got icing in _all_ our eyes, the way she was waving that spoon everywhere…"

Nami had to fight back tears at the memory. She still missed Bellemere so much… But at least she had a few good memories to hold on to. Arlong couldn't take those from her.

Engraved symbols appeared one by one on the paper in blue and white. It took several pages to cover the whole thing; Nami numbered them as she went, writing out a reference so she'd be able to assemble them into a coherent text in the future. Once she was satisfied, the sailing master folded all the rubbings up and put everything back in her pockets.

Robin watched with a confused frown the whole time. "Baryshnya Navigator… You know there's no need for such recordings, do you not? I could read the glyphs here and now. Making rubbings only increases the odds that someone who would use the knowledge for ill will find and decode the Poneglyphs- someone like one of the World Nobles."

That was… Possibly a good point? Nami didn't really know a lot about the World Nobles- they didn't have much to do with most islands in the East Blue. Just that they ruled everything, to bow and stay quiet if she ever saw one, and a bit of vague history about where they'd come from. Descendants of ancient kings who'd banded together against some mysterious threat no one had ever been able to describe to her. Still…

"I've never heard of that Void Century thing, or any Ancient Weapons, or even Poneglyphs." The sailing master continued making her rubbing without pause, despite Robin's consternation. "I don't know a lot about history. But I'm not just a navigator- I'm a _thief_. And in my experience, it's the things people _don't_ want me to know about that're the most valuable, whether to steal them, or to avoid them. So if these things are such big secrets, they must be _really_ important. I want a record of _exactly_ what they say so we don't accidentally screw something up."

Nami glanced up at Robin without turning her head. "Besides… If you're the only person left who can understand them, how could the rubbings be a danger? It's not like it's a translation, where just anyone could pick it up and read it."

"You can't be sure," Robin insisted. "I might not be the only one- what if the government has someone? Someone who bargained with them, or who they're blackmailing into cooperation."

"All the more reason to keep a record." This time, Nami _did_ turn her head when she looked at Robin. "Knowledge is power, and I'm _sick_ of people I don't trust having any form of power over me. Never… Never again."

 _"Shahahahahaha! As if that would work on me!" A large hand flung a bowl at Nami; it shattered by her feet as she jumped back. "Lionfish venom isn't even fatal to an adult human- what made you think it would have any effect on a superior fishman like me?"_

 _She hadn't known that. Bending to clean up the bowl that had once held carefully poisoned chowder, Nami let her hair fall around her face to hide her tears. It could be worse… At least no one had hit her this time. Her right shoulder still smarted from the other day._

 _Sorry, Bellemere. I failed to avenge you again. I just… Don't know what to do. I don't know enough about fishmen to know how to fight them. But at least I have my deal. Even if I can't kill him, maybe eventually I can make Arlong go away._

"Alright." Nami wiped her eyes on the back of one hand as she stood and turned to face Cobra again. Arlong was _gone_ now- he'd never have any power over her again. "Was there anything else, or was this it?"

"No, that was all." The king took a half step closer, then rocked back on his heels. His arms were awkwardly half open, as if he'd started to go for a hug, then remembered partway that she wasn't Vivi. "I have a proper reward planned for your crew, of course. Something a little nicer than some old scratchings in stone- nicer, and less likely to bring the World Government down on your head."

Robin winced at that, looking from the Poneglyph to Nami's rubbings with dread. The sailing master waved Cobra off.

"No, no, it's fine." Nami couldn't hold back a bit of a giggle. "I mean… Luffy wants to be King of the Pirates, and we're already connected to the Whitebeard Pirates and the Revolutionary Army six ways to Sunday. They'd be after us eventually anyway. What's one more little misdemeanor?"

"You're underestimating what the government will _do_ to keep those things a secret," Robin muttered as Cobra chuckled. "But I suppose I can't convince you… And even if I refuse to read the glyphs for you, your little witch knows enough already that you might be in danger anyway…"

That was true. That was _very_ true. But it wasn't one of Nami's main concerns at the moment. Despite knowing he was gone and her resolve to move forwards, the sailing master still heard an old shark's laughter echoing in the back of her mind.

Impulsively, Nami stepped forwards to accept Cobra's aborted hug. She wouldn't have done something like that before meeting the Straw Hats- maybe not even more recently than that. But now… She was okay with it. The king stiffened briefly in surprise before returning the sailing master's embrace.

"Don't worry…" Cobra chuckled ruefully. "I didn't really expect that you could. But if there was a slight chance… And I'm sorry for bringing up memories of your mother, and for whatever happened to your family."

Nami shook her head. "It's fine. They… Thinking of her hurts, but… While there's a lot I'd like to forget, some things… Some things I would never forgive myself if I did. Thank you…"

She went to pull away, only to have Cobra hold her tighter. He wore a gentle smile as he looked down at her. "Don't mind me. Times like this… I'm not a king. Just a sentimental old man who sees his daughter in every young woman's eyes."

Smiling herself, Nami resumed hugging the gentle royal. "And _that_ is what makes you a great king."

X

The next morning I woke up before the sun. I hadn't slept well the night before, between my overwhelming embarrassment and the presence of so many people in the room. The faintest hint of golden light through the window was the last straw, drawing me out of my bed at four-thirty in the morning. I dressed quickly, yawning the whole time; my eyes ached. A quick glance in the mirror showed that the makeup the others had applied to me was still firmly in place. As much as I hated the stuff, I was impressed. Through steam and sheets and my attempts at washing it off before bed, not even a smear. What was _in_ that stuff?

My attempts at dressing and leaving the room quietly were mostly successful. _Mostly_. Just as I was reaching the door, two reptilian squawks met my ears. I turned around to see Lisa and Chopper getting ready behind me, Ruatha and Sharpie at their heels. Or I guess just at their sides, in the case of my dragon; he was approaching the size of a golden retriever. Lisa glanced up at me with one eye, rubbing the other with one hand. Beside her, Chopper yawned widely as he slipped into his jersey.

"Morning Jones. Where're you going?" Chopper picked up Sharpie as he spoke- and the doctor himself was picked up in turn by Lisa. Oh, they were just so cute together. I sighed.

"For a walk. My anxiety won't let me sleep any longer." I clicked my tongue as I pulled the door open. Ruatha bounded over and scrambled up into his place on my shoulders, wrapping his tail around my arm and cooing into my hair. Lisa followed me as I left, Chopper and Sharpie still in her arms.

I didn't really have a plan; just went wandering around the palace. It was beautiful- although I cared more for the courtyards and gardens than the decorations in the rooms. So many plants I'd never seen before, poking up between coloured stones and artfully placed pottery. Lisa and Chopper sat on a bench with me for a while, watching as Ruatha and Sharpie wrestled in a fountain. Their antics set us all to laughing; the poor bananagator didn't really stand a chance, but he put up an adorable fight. Luckily Ruatha, though jealous, didn't _really_ mean any harm.

Dark cloud blew in out of nowhere after a couple of hours, opening up and dumping their contents on the city. Icy rain poured over us in a sudden torrent. Lisa squealed and grabbed Chopper, racing inside; I followed a second later with the reptiles. Although I think Sharpie would've been happy enough to stay out in the wet weather.

"Hi Vivi!" Lisa waved at the princess as I came through the door. Vivi smiled and waved back. Unlike the rest of us, the princess wasn't yawning and didn't seem tired at all.

"Good morning Lisa, Chopper, Jones. Are you the only ones up?"

Thinking about it for a moment, I shook my head. "We were the first, but Sanji usually gets up early. Unless he's _really_ tired, he's probably up by now looking for the kitchen or something."

Vivi giggled, one hand coming up to press against her lips. "Yes, that _does_ sound like him. Are you three doing anything in particular, or just wandering around?"

"Just wandering." Chopper's words were punctuated by an adorable yawn. Vivi giggled again and reached over to ruffle the reindeer's fur.

After being up for a couple of hours, the gears in the back of my head were starting to creak into motion- although they'd be better still once I'd had breakfast. But if I waited that long, I might forget what I was thinking about. "Actually Vivi… This is gonna seem a little odd, but could you take us to the dungeon? Or wherever all the Baroque Works agents are being kept?"

"I…" My question took Vivi by surprise. "You're right, that _is_ odd. What would you want with them?"

"Well, to start with, we forgot about Bentham. He got locked up in there with the rest of them, and he's an ally. And some of the others aren't half bad- Crocodile took advantage of their dreams and ambitions, manipulated them. They could do good things in Alabasta if we could set them back on the right path."

Vivi shot me a doubtful look. Then she sighed. "We haven't always gotten on and I don't always like the way you do things, but there's no denying you're good at what you do, or that you mean well. Very well; I'll show you where they are. And if you can turn any of them, I'll do my best to make sure they get decent employment somewhere in Alabasta, just like Jack and Mairead." The princess smiled as she began leading us towards the west wing of the palace. "They asked to join the Royal Guard, you know. Both of them."

"Nice." I snickered, smirking. "Hope the guard has good mat leave though; if they're together for extended periods of time, you can expect a baby within a couple of years."

"Oh my!" Vivi clapped both hands over her mouth. Her face was bright red. "I- I'm glad for them. And curious- even with all your strange knowledge, you've never expressed interest in events of that sort."

"My knowledge is a random and many-faceted thing." I let out a faux-haughty sniff. That served to make Vivi giggled again, as well as to set Lisa and Chopper to full blown laughter. The painter and the reindeer each grabbed one of my hands as we continued on our way towards the dungeons.

Two guards- both teenagers- straightened to attention as we approached. "Your highness!"

"At ease." Vivi waved her hand. The guards relaxed instantly. "Is there anyone else down there with the prisoners?"

"No, your highness. We _did_ cuff them all with seastone, just in case, and Captain Hina was in yesterday evening to question them. She said that she'd like to talk to the ones who captured them, but that aside from Crocodile and Eleven, she thought most of them were ours for the Kingdom of Alabasta to deal with as we wished. None of the others had any international warrants for their arrest- at least that she could find."

"Good." Nodding, Vivi proceeded down the stairs. "When you can, send someone to my father to say that I'm already working on how we should deal with them. Some of the Straw Hats are helping me."

"Of course, your highness."

It was cool down in the prison cells- not uncomfortably so, but it was noticeable. Other than that, it didn't seem like a bad place to be kept at all. Sure, there were the standard barred doors and small windows, but the beds looked comfortable enough, everything was clean, and there were even area rugs to give prisoners something to stand on other than cold stone. Not that the Baroque Works agents looked any happier for it- most of them looked lethargic and uncomfortable, their hands bound in front of them with kairoseki manacles.

I ignored the first two cells, where Crocodile and Eleven were being kept. There was no point in talking to them- the World Government and Newfin Island could have them, and we might even get paid for turning them over. Instead, I stopped in front of Bentham's cell. The okama shot me a look of betrayal.

"Highlights… I thought we were friends; you said you'd help me."

"Sorry about that." I sighed heavily. "Had a lot on my mind yesterday… Trying to figure some stuff out. But I'll do my best to make it up to you." I turned momentarily to Vivi. "Do you have keys, or will we need to get one of the guards down to let him out for us?"

"I- I don't have the keys, but I know where they're kept. One moment." Vivi went to the far back wall of the dungeon and began tapping along the bricks. I couldn't see what she ended up doing, but when she returned a moment later, she held a ring from which hung many heavy keys. The princess unlocked Bentham's cell, and then his manacles once she was inside. Rubbing his wrists, the okama stared up at me.

"Okay, Highlights- talk."

Sitting down on the bed beside Bentham, I took off my hat and started fiddling with it. "Ivankov is one of Dragon the Revolutionary's best friends." I didn't bother beating around the bush or sugar-coating my words. "Xe's one of the highest officers in the Revolutionary Army. Right now, xe's on an undercover mission in one of the most dangerous places in the world- Impel Down. Ivankov's mission is intelligence gathering and recruitment; xe's learning everything possible about the prison, and gathering political prisoners- anyone who's not dangerous, really- to join the Revolution. Not sure when xe plans to break out yet, but it'll happen eventually."

Bentham's eyes went wide. "Oh my… No wonder no one's seen Ivankov in years. Something like that must take a lot of preparation."

I nodded and placed my hat back on my head. "So the question is, what do you want to do about it? Whatever you need Ivankov's miracle-working powers for, can it wait? Or are you in such a rush that you'd be willing to head to Impel Down to meet them?"

The okama didn't answer right away, his lips pursed as he thought. During that time, Chopper trotted over and hopped into my lap, still yawning. Poor little guy hadn't gotten enough sleep. I patted the doctor absently as Bentham finally got his thoughts together.

"I- It's not that urgent, no. But I would like to be in position to speak with Ivankov as soon as xe's out. You said you didn't know when that would be though…" The okama drooped in disappointment. I bit my lip.

"Yeah, I don't know. But… If you ask me, the best way to meet Ivankov as soon as xe gets out would be to join the Revolutionary Army. I _know_ as soon as xe breaks out, Ivankov will go back to report to Dragon." Smirking wryly, I waved at the open door. "Just think about it. If you decide that's what you want, the Revolutionary Chief-of-Staff is here on vacation- he could take you back to their base if you make up your mind in the next few days. Or I could give you his snail number, if you need more time to decide."

My words were met with a long, considering look. "I think I'll take that number," Bentham said finally. "I- This is a big decision, Highlights. I'll need a few days to think about it."

"Take as long as you need." Pulling a pen and paper out of one of my pockets, I scribbled down a familiar string of numbers- and then another underneath it. "The one on the bottom's mine. Whether you join the Revolutionaries or not, feel free to call me. I'll help you if I can, although it's likely I won't often be able to do much."

"Thank you. I'll do that." Standing up, Bentham quickly ran his fingers through my ponytail. I jerked back reflexively; he shook his head. "Sorry. I forgot- things like that aren't normal outside Kamabakka Kingdom, are they? But truly, Highlights, you have lovely hair. And with all those scars hidden, you really don't look that bad."

"But I don't look like _me_." I shook my head as well, standing and hefting Chopper up against my chest. "Kind of like how you don't look like _you_ if you're wearing regular men's clothes."

"Ah. Yes, I see what you mean." Chuckling, Bentham headed for the door. "Take care Highlights. Try not to forget and lock any more allies in prison overnight; not everyone forgives as easily as I do."

"Don't I know it," I muttered as I stepped out of the cell, back to Vivi and Lisa. One down, a whole bunch more to go. Luckily, I'd have a little bit of help with them. I hoped, at least. "Lisa, did you bring your paints with you?"

"Of course! I never go anywhere without them!" The little girl pulled her art kit out to demonstrate.

"Good. Would you be willing to use a Rainbow of Dreams for me? Targeting everyone but Crocodile and Eleven, although it's fine if you include them too."

Lisa's eyes went wide. "You even know about _that one?_ But I've never even tested it- I don't actually know if it works!"

"It does. Maybe even better than you'd expect."

Nodding, Lisa began preparing her paints. Her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated. It took nearly ten minutes for her to be ready. When she was, she pulled out a much larger paintbrush than usual and spun around. A full spectrum of colours splashed over everyone in the dungeon. "Colour Trap: Rainbow of Dreams!"

Unlike her other techniques, this wasn't hypnotism. It was an illusion or glamour of some sort, pulling images out of our psyches and painting them on our skin. A quick glance at Vivi, to my mild surprise, showed a tricorn hat and an undone captain's jacket; both were adorned with a skull-and-crossbones. Lisa's outfit remained largely unchanged, though covered with a paint-spattered apron, and Chopper's jersey had been overlaid with a lab coat and floating sakura petals. My own outfit had changed to resemble the gi I wore when practicing karate on Earth- albeit with a distinctively pirate flare. Ruatha and Sharpie just had illusory ham sandwiches appear in front of them, much to the confusion of the poor reptiles.

Spinning slowly, I looked in each of the prison cells. Miss Doublefinger was dressed in a cute little 50s waitress outfit, an illusory tray of coffee and desserts balanced on one hand. Galdino wore a suit that some how screamed _museum curator_. Mr Four had a stack of pizza boxes and a delivery boy's cap, while Miss Merry Christmas was dressed in a shimmering emerald green princess gown. Lassoo had an adorable bandanna around his neck that read "Soldier Pup." A bright red fireman's helmet squashed Mr Five's afro down into something more professional; Miss Valentine's yellow dress was covered by an apron decorated with pictures of delicious-looking chocolate treats and baked goodies. Mr Six and Miss Mother's Day- who I recognized only by the numbers stitched in their clothes- had lab coats draped over them; _he_ had a stethoscope around his neck, while _she_ held a few needles and wore a tiny nurse's cap. Mr Seven and Miss Father's Day were… Mostly unchanged. There was more dice and glitter involved than before though, with a little bit of _Casino Royale_ flavour somehow. Mr Ten and Miss Tuesday had hard hats, shovels, and all manner of equipment that could be for either exploring or construction- as well as what appeared to be Johnny and Yosaku's severed heads. _Okaaaaaaay…_ I'd deal with that in a minute. Tiny, quiet Miss Thursday was holding a shepherd's crook, while Mr Twelve and Miss Saturday were dressed in safari khakis and binoculars.

And then, of course, there was Daz Bones sitting in his cell and not looking at anyone, dressed in colourful tights and a domino mask.

I turned to look at Vivi. "As a princess, you've spent your life training in the art of diplomacy, correct?"

"Of course." The princess' expression said she would've been hurt if I'd assumed otherwise.

"In that case, would you mind taking those with reasonable dreams, and you, Lisa, and Chopper can deal with them? I'll handle the headhunters and the superhero." Time to roll an intimidate check.

"Ah- Alright. Although I'd be happy enough to take them as well, once you've got their more _violent_ tendencies sorted out. It- Most of the agents actually appear to have nice, _civilian_ dreams." Sighing, Vivi shook her head. "I'm _amazed_ Crocodile managed to take advantage of something so benign as a _chocolatier_ or a _pizza delivery boy_. Most of them- most of them might actually even be helpful in rebuilding what the drought tore apart."

Vivi opened the cells- although she didn't uncuff anyone just yet. The princess led the majority of the Baroque Works agents away, presumably to an interrogation room somewhere nearby. Lisa and Chopper trotted sleepily after her. Ruatha and Sharpie, meanwhile, stayed with me. My dragon hissed and snarled when I walked into the cell containing Ten and Tuesday. Well, I suppose he had a right to dislike them- as soon as I'd crossed the threshold, Tuesday launched herself at me with a snarl and tried- and failed- to bite my nose.

I responded by socking her in the face.

She stumbled back against her partner, eyes spinning. I planted my hands on my hips. "Good. Now that I've got your attention… What the Hell? I know Johnny and Yosaku created some pretty _nasty_ weapons," The hunters had told me the story last night, while everyone was getting ready for bed, "But you attacked them first. That _kind of_ gives them the right to defend themselves with whatever they have on hand."

That comment infuriated the agents- and probably rightfully so, given my delivery. Completely flat and cold, because despite how _horrible_ and _disgusting_ those burns looked- bubbling masses of red and white that would make a hobgoblin hurl- Johnny and Yosaku were on _my crew_. That meant I would _always_ take their side, unless they did something like kill a crew mate. Ten and Tuesday both growled and lunged for me at the same time; I knocked them back onto their bed and leaned in, placing a hand on each of their chests to hold them down so they couldn't do that again. And when they struggled… Well, then I took a page out of Miss Valentine's book. Gravity was a force, after all. Not entirely sure how to manipulate it, I focused on the feeling of weight, the connection of my feet to the floor, the constant pulling _down_ that people usually take for granted… And imagined myself getting _heavier_. "Kepler's Law!" It seemed to work, if my captives' sudden gasping for breath was any indication.

"Now, you _listen_. I've never claimed to be a nice person, so don't expect me to have much sympathy for you. I know what Johnny and Yosaku did to you was painful, stupid, and wrong- you're _still_ in pain from it, you're permanently scarred, and you're _incredibly_ lucky they didn't damage your eyes. It's a bloody _miracle_ they didn't blind you, actually." I'm slightly ashamed to say I enjoyed the looks of terror that grew across those scarred faces. Only slightly. "That said, there's something you need to remember. Those two are _my friends_ … That means I won't let you hurt them. _Ever_. If you _try_ to take your revenge, I will kick your asses so hard, it'll take a DNA test to identify your corpses. And I'm one of the _weaker_ members of the crew."

Tuesday calmed down, all traces of bloodlust washed away by her fear. Ten took it a few steps further, whimpering and looking like he was about to wet himself. When thirty seconds had passed in silence and neither of them had made a move, I released my manipulation of gravity and took a step back. My head was spinning from using a new force. I didn't let the agents see that, though. "Now… If you're willing to take that risk, be my guest. If not… Princess Vivi is helping the majority of your coworkers find placements in Alabasta where they can pursue their dreams _within reason_. Now, I don't know what the hard hats and shovels and stuff mean to you, but if it has anything to do with construction or exploration, you'll probably be welcomed at a little oasis I know. What do you say?"

"Th-that we'd like to talk to the princess before making any decisions," Tuesday stammered out. I nodded and gestured in the direction Vivi and company had gone.

"Alright then- I'm sure the guards will help you if you can't find her yourself. That said," I frowned, wishing I'd been able to get the makeup off before coming. I was _so_ much more intimidating without my scars hidden. "The princess is one of my friends too. Hurt her and you'll _wish_ you were dead."

"Yes ma'am!" Ten and Tuesday took off, presumably trying to escape before I changed my mind.

Sighing, I patted Ruatha and Sharpie as I turned to the last occupied cell. Now for the hard one. Daz Bones… I wasn't really sure how to handle him. He wouldn't be put off by my little shows of intimidation- but at the same time, I couldn't let up with them. Even if I was significantly weaker than he was, I had to come across as strong enough that he would respect me. Otherwise nothing I said would have any effect. Luckily, we had something in common. Loyalty before all else. As much as he had Zoro's power levels and first mate-equivalent position, when it came to methods, Bones had more in common with me.

Perhaps too much.

The blade man didn't even glance at me as I entered his room, although he did acknowledge my presence. Initially with a quiet snort. "Come to try your tricks on me too? You'll find I'm not as easily cowed as a couple of hot-blooded frontier agents."

"No. No, I wasn't expecting that to work on you. I just came to talk." The kairoseki manacles meant I didn't have to worry about him unleashing any blades on me, at least. I sat on the far end of his bed- hopefully that distance would be far enough that I could get out of the way if he suddenly decided to grab me or kick me or something. "So… Why would someone who dreams of being a _hero_ become an _assassin_? Kind of on opposite ends of the alignment spectrum there."

A grunt. "None of your business."

Okay, so he didn't want to talk. Too bad for him; this wasn't optional. "If you won't tell me, I can just guess," I told him. "I'm good at that. Let's see… You're loyal, you respect strength, and you never let people see what you're feeling. You're confident, disciplined, and you don't tend to hold a grudge- or at least, you don't let grudges get in the way if you think there's something to be gained. You're not bound by the code of Bushido. You profess that having friends makes one weak. And you're from the West Blue; your real name is Daz Bones. Do you know what this tells me?"

Bones' eyes widened slightly at my analysis, but otherwise, he didn't react. Not even with a grunt or the word "no," or a grumbled "I don't care." Well, that was slightly disappointing. Then again, I'd expected he'd be a tough nut to crack.

"It tells me that when you were young, something hurt you- badly. Now, given that you have decent training, I'd also assume you were part of a dojo or other martial order at some point; the lack of adherence to Bushido indicates that the pain comes from something to do with that. Let me guess… You ate your Devil Fruit at a young age and your sensei kicked you out. Your fellow students did something that made you feel like a freak, like you were cursed and unwanted, unnecessary. _Alone_. Any of this sound familiar?"

Again, no words. His eyes got a little wider, though, and the muscles in his shoulders tightened. So I was close then… But at the same time, I seemed to be missing something. I thought for a moment. _Ooooooh_ … "Devil Fruits can be hard to control, when you first eat them. Mine sent me blowing myself off cliffs for a little bit while I figured it out. You- when you first ate your Devil Fruit, did you hurt someone? Someone you cared about?"

 _This time_ I got a reaction. Bones clenched his fists and turned his head to glare at me. "How could you know that?"

I didn't answer- largely because I couldn't. I _didn't_ know this. _Any_ of it. I was pulling this out of my ass, straight from the large intestine, going on a few small clues and an analysis that required a _lot_ of guesswork. Or, as my classmates during my undergrad would've put it… I was writing an essay. English- take the right classes and it can be a degree in theoretical and applied _bullshit_. So instead of answering, I kept guessing. It seemed to be working well enough so far. And Bones' muscles grew more and more tense as I spoke.

"You hurt your best friend- possibly even a girlfriend- when you first got your powers. Am I right? Hurt them bad- maybe even killed them. You might not've stuck around long enough to find out, with how bad it felt. Your fellow students, your sensei… The called you a monster and a freak. Even after you left, those words kept echoing in your head, playing over and over. And once you'd lived with them long enough, they started to crush your dream. After all, what kind of hero kills his friends?"

"Stop it," Bones growled. I ignored him.

"You learned to control your fruit- perfect control, so you'd never hurt anyone you cared about again. But Devil Fruits are rare in the Blues; no matter where you went, people called you a freak and a monster. The only jobs you could get were as a fighter for hire, and your skills made you an ideal assassin. It's easy to conceal a weapon when you _are_ one. So you made yourself stop caring about other people, because if you cared, you'd only be hurt again. You became the best at your job, because it was the only thing you could do."

"Shut up!" Bones lunged at me, although the seastone on his wrists made him sluggish. I jumped off the bed, out of the way, and flipped open my Swiss Army Knife. Not that I was close enough to do anything with it, but I pointed the blade at him nonetheless.

"Ah, ah, ah, I wouldn't do that if I were you." I waggled a finger at the towering assassin. "You can't use your powers right now, which means even an ordinary swordsman can cut you. And I'm neither ordinary nor a swordsman."

"True. You're the little witch; some of the others were talking about you." If Bones had been capable of using his powers at the moment, he would've _literally_ been glaring daggers. "They say you see the past, the future… That you know things _no one_ could know. So tell me little witch, what have you seen for me?"

When I didn't answer immediately, his anger finally broke through his usually steel grip. Lunging forward, the assassin grabbed one of my arms. This time I let him. "Tell me what you've seen!"

"Nothing." I took a step back, pulling myself free as Bones' grip went slack with disbelief. "I've seen _nothing_ of your background, and what little I know of your future, I'm trying to change. All of that, everything I just said?" I waved one arm in a vaguely encompassing gesture. "That was just guesswork. You're a cold man, and hard for most people to read, but you can't hide anything from _me_."

"But… Then… _How?_ " Bones shook his head and sat back down. Although he still looked like he might grab me again if I said the wrong thing.

My next words, though, they didn't want to come out easily. My head bowed forward under the weight of what I had to say, my hat shadowing my eyes. "I know your path because it's one I could've walked. Had things gone differently for me, even where I come from… Even where I come from, there's the possibility of something like that, if you know where to look."

Sighing, I examined the floor with keen interest. The rug in this cell had an abstract spiral pattern, green on a colour that I would've called Arizona Topaz. Although that brand of pencil crayons isn't manufactured anymore, so I'd probably need to find another name. "I know what it's like to grow up being called a monster and a freak, although for me it wasn't about my Devil Fruit. I was just _born_ different than most people where I come from. Some of them took advantage of me, others shunned me… I hurt people without meaning to, especially when I got angry, which was often. So I tried to stop letting myself feel things, so I wouldn't hurt people anymore- or myself. Sound familiar?"

Bones nodded slightly. I took a brief moment to consider the oddity of pouring my heart out to an assassin- and not even an allied one- before moving on. "If- If I hadn't found anything or anyone to guide me, I might've ended up something like you. Not an assassin, per say, but… Maybe joined the military, immersed myself in training and combat; maybe become a lab scientist so I only had to deal with formulae and chemicals instead of people. But I _did_ find a different path…"

"Looking at you is like looking in a warped mirror. You're so much like what I could've been… It hurts. I don't like to think about who I used to be." Something dark was starting to curl and coil in my chest, rising up like an angry snake. I squashed it back down. "Who I sometimes still _am_. But the main difference between us… Friends don't make you weak. If you find the right ones, you can make each other stronger than anything."

"Prove it."

Wait, _what?_ Bones stared dully at me; my mouth fell open with a hiss. Wasn't- wasn't he supposed to be harder to convince than this? I hadn't even shown him my scars, which I'd done with both Vivi and Robin- then again, they might've just made him consider me weak. I had no way to guess his opinions on those who attempted suicide. "Sorry, what was that? I think I have some dragon spit in my ear."

"If you think friends make you stronger, prove it." Bones leaned back against the wall. He'd quickly regained the composure he'd lost earlier, when he grabbed me. "You come from a crew that has some fairly strong members, but at the same time, you claim to be one of the weaker ones. How does having friends make you stronger?"

"Lots of ways." Pausing, arms outstretched, I spun around in a technique I had yet to master. Even with my limited abilities, it was enough to send Ruatha and Sharpie stumbling backwards and make Bones cover his eyes. "Mutoryu: Tatsumaki!"

"That's one of Zoro's techniques- the man who beat you," I continued once the wind died down. "He taught it to me, but I'm not very good yet. If you have friends, you can learn from each other. And it's always good to be with someone who has your back in a fight- you can cover each other's weaknesses. Say if Sanji found himself having to fight a girl… He wouldn't be able bring himself to go on the offensive, but if Nami was there it'd be okay, because she _could_. And caring for people, wanting to protect them… Helping your friends can give you motivation to do things you never thought possible- whether you're trying to save their lives, or just want to make them happy."

Shooting him a sly look, I tacked on an afterthought. "A _hero_ would understand. Some part of you must, if you still believe in that dream."

"Who says I do?"

I waved at his tights and domino mask. The illusions were slowly fading, but still clear enough. "If you didn't, something else would've appeared."

Bones still didn't look convinced. And I was running out of ideas… Tabarnak. What I would've _liked_ to do was pick a good shonen manga and shove his nose in it until the concept of friendship made sense to him. Or maybe tie him down and force him to watch _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Neither of those was really an option though. By my feet, Ruatha and Sharpie began wrestling- snarling and snapping. And then suddenly I had it. If I'd been a native of the _One Piece_ world, I think my eyes would've started glowing, turning into lightbulb shapes.

Picking Sharpie up, I plopped the protesting bananagator onto Bones' lap. The assassin shot me a look of mild confusion. "What's this for?"

"Starting with people can be hard- I know that. It was people who hurt you in the past, and who you're afraid of being hurt by or hurting again. But _he_ isn't a person," I jabbed a finger at Sharpie, "He's _better_. If you look after a pet properly, they'll give you all the unconditional love and affection you could want- and depending how you train them, they can even be valuable allies. But Sharpie's just a baby right now; he relies on others for _everything_. He'll need a _lot_ of looking after and training."

"I don't understand." Bones said that, but he was already rubbing Sharpie's head banana with one hand. The assassin didn't seem to be aware he was doing so, though. But at least Sharpie was enjoying it- the tiny bananagator let out a series of pleased clicks and growls.

"Alligators should be fed once a day." I ignored Bones' confusion and bulled ahead. Luffy's wasn't always the best example to follow, but I'd try it this time. "If you keep him in an enclosure, you'll need to clean it every two weeks. Make sure he has both plenty of water and a dry place to rest, and that he gets plenty of warmth and sunlight- not that those last two should be a problem here in Alabasta."

"You… What makes you think I'm agreeing to this? I've never had a pet before; I don't like animals." Grumpy and confused… Yet his protests would be far easier to believe if Bones wasn't currently rubbing Sharpie under the chin. His voice was quavering slightly too, although it was so faint that I doubted many people would notice. Oblivious, the baby bananagator leaned into the assassin's hand with a contented growl, eyes closed.

"Your words and actions aren't matching up," I said softly. Then I smirked. "Besides, everyone knows the best superheroes always have a sidekick. You can't be a hero if you only care about yourself. Now, who would you rather have following you around and fighting by your side- a pun-spewing kid in hot pants, or a baby bananagator?"

Dark eyes glanced down at Sharpie, considering. Then Bones' shoulders slumped slightly. "Why bother? He'll just die on me."

"Actually, most gators have a lifespan of about fifty years, and given that I'd place you in your late thirties, I'd say odds are good that if it's old age that takes you, you'll die at the same time. But if it's battle you're worried about…" I winced sympathetically, because I was almost _always_ worried about Ruatha getting hurt when I got into a fight. "Train him. Train him _well_. No one can make any guarantees, of course, but the more time and effort and _love_ you put into training him, the less likely Sharpie is to die in battle."

Bones didn't respond to that. I sighed. He was like Arlong, I guess; it was too much for me to be able to change his mind on my own. But maybe if I left Sharpie with him, and maybe had Vivi or someone work on him again after I was gone… Maybe his desire to be a hero would make him the next defender of Alabasta. He could be for real what Crocodile had pretended to be in order to gain people's trust. "I'm gonna go now. Just- just think about what I've said, eh?"

Still no answer. I shrugged and whistled for Ruatha; the dragon climbed up on my shoulders with a happy chirp. Locking the cell door behind me- yes, there was a way to do that without a key- I headed off up the stairs. Next stop, the kitchen. My stomach growled, reminding me that I'd been awake for several hours and had yet to eat anything.

And then… After I got something to eat, the rest of the day was for shopping and restocking. I didn't have to worry about anything for the crew as a whole, that I knew of- most of that had already been done back in Nanohana, and Sanji and Chopper would get any food and medical supplies we'd run out of in the meantime. But there were a few things I needed for my projects. Like a mortar and pestle, and some stuff to improve the primitive electrophoresis machine Chopper and I were working on. Maybe some stuff for similar devices too. And more pens and paper, and maybe some skates if I could find them- wish I'd had time to look for those in Drum Kingdom, I wasn't likely to find any in Alabasta. Oh well. Oh! And I needed something to make my weights heavier again. Even if he never used his flintlocks, Ghin was bound to notice eventually if I kept taking bullets from his stash. And maybe I should replace my staff… Not that I'd used it much, but the option was always nice. Yes, I had a lot of shopping to do this afternoon.

But before I went out in public, I needed to check in and see Johnny and Yosaku. Maybe _they_ could make something to get Vivi's super-powered makeup off of me.

X

" _NO!_ I'm not wearing it- I don't care what you say!" I folded my arms and backed into a wall so they couldn't surround me. Nami looked both amused and exasperated; Lisa pouted while Vivi rolled her eyes.

"Jones, you're going to a royal gala. You _cannot_ go in the same ragged, smelly things you wear around the ship."

"Hey! I resent that- my clothes are _not_ smelly!"

The source of our argument was one of Vivi's old dresses- one she'd long since outgrown for reasons that wouldn't be an issue to me. She, Nami and Lisa were trying to force me into it. Why, you ask, dear readers? Well, it was because King Cobra had decided to hold a public ceremony to thank us for helping save his kingdom- as well as to honour Vivi's coming of age ceremony. It was a day earlier than the ceremony in canon, but I suppose that since the princess had been gone for a few years, her father was impatient to confirm her as his true heir. Still… No matter _what_ the occasion, I _hated_ wearing dresses.

Well, at least my shopping yesterday and this morning had gone well, even if I hadn't found a decent replacement staff. And the Baroque Works agents seemed to be settling in well enough- I'd seen a few of them around the palace and the town.

Vivi wrinkled her nose at my words. "I know you do your best… But you're still no desert bloom. Just a few hours, please… The blue looks nice with your hair, and we can do your makeup again- maybe with a little perfume this time."

"NO WAY IN HELL!" I bolted for the door. Tabarnak… This never would've happened if I'd been born a boy.

Arms sprouted from nowhere as I emerged into the hall- many, many arms. They grabbed me and held me still. One pair held my ankles tight, tripping me; I fell forward, landing ungracefully on my face. A second later, Robin stepped around the corner. The archaeologist had a small, sly smile on her face. "Going somewhere, Little Witch?"

Merde. I'd forgotten her passive-aggressiveness. I couldn't tell if Robin liked me, hated me, or was simply curious. Or she could've been indifferent, I suppose, although I doubted that. Maybe she just liked messing with my head? Somehow that seemed most likely.

"Let me go!"

Another hand sprouted over my face, clamping my mouth closed so I couldn't try to bite any of the arms and escape. Robin was learning. Dammit. I squirmed helplessly as Robin picked me up and carried me back into Vivi's bedroom. Her mysterious smile grew wider as she placed me in front of the other girls. "I think you lost something, Princess."

"Th-thank you." The noticeable tremor in Vivi's voice made me wince, but I understood. Even with my word that Robin was a friend, the princess was having a hard time forgiving her for her part in Crocodile's plans.

Any quarrels and nerves were soon put on hold, however. Instead, my worst fears took over the room. Giggling and makeup and sparkles and _gods above and below, make it stop!_ Other me, what did I do to deserve _this?_ Merde… Why couldn't I have been the plaything of some jerkass god instead? They wouldn't have been this cruel…

Ah, who'm I kidding? They totally would've.

I think I blacked out for a few minutes, to protect my sanity. Whatever gossiping and girlishness went on during that time, I have only the barest memory of- and that as if through a thick fog. My next _clear_ memory is of standing in the hall outside the throne room, dressed in Vivi's old blue gown, my face caked once more in makeup that itched like the chicken pox. The other girls were with me- Vivi wore pale pink and gold, while Lisa was dressed in leaf green and Nami's gown was a lighter blue than the one I'd been forced into. Robin had her own lavender dress; I would hardly call it a gown. Too scandalous. Even Geier had been cleaned up, her feathers preened and her aviator's helmet replaced by a gold ribbon around her neck.

I rubbed at my scalp. Vivi had even forced me to change how I wore my _hair_ tonight. The majority of it was down, with a few thin, tight braids holding things out of my face. Vivi wore her hair in a similar style, while Lisa's was done up in spiral buns that screamed _A New Hope_. Nami and Robin had their hair completely down and untouched.

The men arrived a few minutes later. Each of them had been forced into flowing Alabastan formalwear, white and gold decorated with hints of their favourite colours. It looked better on some than others. Ace and Luffy tugged irritably at their heavily embroidered collars; Sabo sighed heavily and rapped their knuckles with his pipe.

"Calm down you two. It's only for a couple hours."

Nami snickered. "That's just what we've been telling Jones."

Glancing at what Luffy was wearing- which may have been fancy and flowy, but still included _pants_ \- I let out a strangled whine. "I'll trade, if you want."

My captain looked like he was actually considering it, up until Ace planted a hand on his head. "No way Lu. Don't even think about it."

"But _Ace_ ," Luffy whined. "It looks _comfy_. And there's no yucky collar."

"It's a _dress_. Only _girls_ wear dresses."

I jerked my head to glare at the man I admired so much. My next words came out as a growl. "Captain… can you give your brother a Fist of Love? But call it a Fist of That's-Sexist-and-Wrong-and-Jones-is-Annoyed?"

Luffy frowned. "That's a long name… But okay. Fist of… Whatever-Jones-Just-Said!"

WHAM! Ace's head was slammed downwards into the floor. The freckled pirate glared at me and groaned as he stood up. "What was that for? I thought I was your favourite!"

"Favourite or not, what you said wasn't right. Men can wear dresses if they want, and not all girls like to." I tugged irritably at the fabric draping me. "Don't make me send you to Kamabakka Kingdom to make a point- I'm sure I could figure out how to do it. Or I could find a way to tell Izo what you said."

Ace's face noticeably paled. He didn't respond verbally, but the freckled pirate moved to make sure Luffy and Sabo stood between us. I flashed a cocky grin before resuming my annoyed sulking.

Ghin chuckled, moving in to stand beside me. "I don't envy you. And it's a male day too, isn't it? That can't make it any easier on you."

I glanced up at him in surprise. "Ye-yeah. How'd you know?"

"You tie your bandanna differently when you feel male than when you feel female. Square knot versus a granny. It was a square knot this morning." Ghin's eyes danced with mirth. "I'm the rigger; knots are kind of my job."

Wow… Even _I_ hadn't noticed that. Tying my bandanna was as automatic as breathing; I never even thought about which knot I was using.

I could hear people on the other side of the closed doors, shuffling and murmuring. Not sure who all had been invited- probably generals and mayors and friends of the royal family, rich merchants and… Actually, knowing the Nefertari family, Cobra had invited as many of Alabasta's citizens as he thought he could fit in his throne room. And of course, the guests of honour had to arrive last. My heart sped up; my breath began coming in little pants. I was _seriously_ regretting butterflying away Luffy's bounty right now. This wouldn't have been happening if he and Zoro were wanted. Ghin slipped his hand into mine to calm me down.

Invisible fingers ran through my hair, startling me. I jerked back and looked around, but… There was no one there.

Then the door creaked open and I had no more time to worry about invisible hands. The throne room of Alabasta was _bloody huge_ , and filled with brightly coloured crowds of people. A narrow aisle had been left clear up to the throne so my crew could follow the princess to her father. Looking up to the head of the room, I paled. What were _they_ doing here?

Tugging nervously at my dress, I hissed at a certain freckled pirate. "Ace, you and Robin find a place to hide. That's _Captain "Black Cage" Hina_ standing beside the king- and _Captain "White Chase" Smoker_ with her."

"On it." Ace didn't look _too_ concerned, but he did as I said anyway. Grabbing Robin's hand, he swiftly dragged her off down the hall. "Come on; we'll have our own party in the kitchens or something, where there's no marines. It'll probably be more fun there anyway."

Sanji frowned and blew a couple smoke rings. "Didn't we leave that shitty smoke marine back in Loguetown Jones? Or am I missing something?"

"No. No, I thought we did too." _Tabarnak_. If Luffy didn't have a bounty, what was Smoker doing _here?_

I stuck close to Ghin as Vivi led everyone up to the throne. Her father stood as we approached, opening his arms and beginning a speech of welcome; sadly, I wasn't able to pay attention to what he was saying. The presence of a marine who _shouldn't be there_ was taking up all my attention. Hina, at least, I could explain- she was stationed in the area. But _Smoker_ … And there was Tashigi, hiding by a pillar with her glasses perched on her forehead. Of course.

And she and Captain Hina got to wear _pants_. Maybe I should've been a marine.

If I was on Earth, I would've been a little ashamed of the fact that I stared at Smoker the whole time Cobra was speaking. Since here I was a pirate and manners only had to apply when I wanted them too, I felt no such shame. Not even when the marine captain noticed I was watching him and raised one eyebrow in my direction. I responded by frowning and cocking my head to the side; he huffed and shook his head, turning his focus back on Cobra like a good soldier.

" _Ahem_." A few minutes on, Ghin cleared his throat and nudged me forwards. I almost jumped out of my skin, no idea what was going on. A quick glance ahead showed that Cobra was hanging a medal around Sanji's neck; Luffy, Zoro, Nami, and Usopp already stood off to one side. The decorations were small, but from the way Nami was stroking hers lovingly, they seemed to be real gold.

I nearly tripped over the hem of my dress when it was my turn to stand before the king. Cobra smiled and chuckled softly. "Awfully nervous for someone who just helped save a kingdom."

"Eh? I- Fighting, writing, and arguing are what I'm good at, Your Majesty." I bowed, martial arts style; probably should've curtseyed, but I don't know how. "Parties… Not so much."

"That's what your captain said when I asked if he knew why you seemed so distracted." Smiling, Cobra hung a medal around my neck. It was attached to a red ribbon- the same red as my bandanna. Having something there made me feel slightly better; the other girls hadn't even let me wear my Straw Hat necklace with Vivi's old gown. Although now that I knew there were _marines_ here, I was glad. "He said not to worry, and that you'd be fine as soon as you were allowed to hide by the punch bowl. Then he asked me what kind of meat we'd be serving."

I laughed a little at that, although it was nervous and forced. Stepping off to the side, I hid partway behind Zoro as Cobra continued to honour the rest of our crew- plus Sabo and the Unluckies. Unable to stare at Smoker from my current position, I discreetly examined my medal instead. Heavy; it was definitely real gold. The face had a coat of arms embossed on it, presumably belonging to the royal family of Alabasta. A serpentine dragon passant- wings too small for flight- with its barbed tail wrapped around a spear. The other side bore an Eye of Horus.

Once Cobra was finished awarding medals, he stepped back- and Captain Hina took his place. The marine stood stiffly in front of us, almost looking as if she had a steel rod jammed down her spine. I couldn't decide if that was due to military formality, or a side-effect of her powers. She wasn't looking at _us_ though, but rather facing out at the crowd. Her voice came out just as stiff as her spine.

"It has recently come to the attention of the World Government that the Warlord Crocodile was abusing his powers and position, using the amnesty granted to crew mates of the Warlords as a way to recruit criminals to his banner to build the organization he was using to promote civil war in Alabasta." Hina's hands clenched into fists behind her back. "We regret that this was not noticed earlier, and deeply apologize to all citizens of Alabasta for the oversight. It will not happen again."

"Crocodile has been stripped of his title as Warlord. As of this morning, Hina has taken custody of him and will be sending him to Impel Down with due haste, where he will be serving a life sentence. And as well as the government's formal apology, Hina would like to issue a personal one. It was under _Hina's_ nose that this criminal organization formed, but Hina didn't notice. Hina is very sorry for that, and for any and all harm that resulted. Hina and her men will be working hard in the coming weeks to help rebuild Alabasta, to redeem ourselves for our inattention."

Then Hina spun to face us, her boots clicking on the stone floor. "Since Crocodile is no longer a Warlord, his bounty has been reinstated- and since he was trying to usurp one of the _twenty founding families_ of their rightful monarchy, the government has seen fit to double it. Therefore, Hina is pleased to award 162,000,000 beri to the bounty hunters who captured him, as thanks for their services to the World Government in uncovering and stopping this threat."

Sabo's mouth twitching was the only sign he found the irony amusing. And, well… It was. A Revolutionary and a bunch of pirates being rewarded by the World Government- not something you see every day. Not something I _ever_ would've expected, had I been reading this in anyone else's fanfiction. But I guess a few butterflies go a long way.

…

They must be monarch butterflies. Biology joke!

Captain Hina handed Luffy a small briefcase before stepping back. My captain opened it, curious- and then promptly passed it off to Nami. The sailing master looked delighted, quickly closing the briefcase and hugging it to her chest. Zoro rolled his eyes; Sanji blew a smoke ring that looked like a heart. Everyone else chuckled quietly. Nami looked up at Captain Hina with glowing, beri-shaped eyes.

"Thank you so much! We're glad to be of service!"

For a moment, I expected Smoker to come forward to say or do something. He didn't though. Instead, he simply led the polite applause that echoed briefly around the room. And he was watching us, like he expected us to do something. But what? Had he figured out we were pirates? And even if he suspected, did he expect us to hoist the Jolly Roger right there or something?

When the applause died down, it was Vivi's turn to speak. The princess stepped to the head of the room; the only sign that she was nervous of what was coming was a slight tremor in her left hand. "Yes- thank you, Straw Hats. Thank you so much for helping me save Alabasta. I'm proud to call you my friends- and I swear by Wadj-wer, as long as Alabasta exists as a nation, you and yours will find a safe port here."

Looking out over the people assembled, Vivi took a deep breath and straightened her back. A hush fell over the crowd. I realized belatedly that she had a soft pink den-den mushi in her hand- that everything she said was being broadcast to the whole kingdom. No wonder she was nervous.

"As you all know by now, my recognition as crown princess was delayed due to the time I spent undercover in Baroque Works. My father and I have agreed that it's time we rectified that error." Another deep breath; the shaking in Vivi's hands intensified. "I swear to you as your future monarch, that Alabasta and all her people will have true peace at all times by my judgement; that I will forbid extortion and all kinds of wrong-doing to all orders of men; and that I will enjoin equity and mercy in all judgements. I solemnly promise and swear to govern the people of Alabasta, and the dominions thereto belonging, according to their respective laws and customs. Ma'at binds me; all this I swear in her name. May Ra and Horus watch over my reign and that of my father, and may Sekhmet devour my blood should I ever stray from the true path."

Heavy silence fell over the room- and for all I knew, the country- for the next thirty seconds. Then, as if a dam were breaking, the throne room echoed with noise as everyone started clapping at once. Even Luffy, and I doubted he really understood what was going on. The _weight_ of what Vivi had just said. Me? Canada's a Commonwealth country; while such an oath had never been made in my lifetime, let alone barely ten feet in front of me, I understood _exactly_ what it meant.

And quite honestly, being in the room while it happened floored me. I couldn't have done anything other than stand their applauding even if my dress had caught on fire. Although I did manage to _almost_ break the weight of awe on my mind by imagining Luffy making a similar speech when he found the One Piece and became king of the pirates.

Almost.

Slowly, the applause faded to voices. Everyone in the room talking to each other, producing a gentle roar that filled my ears and made my head ache. Musicians set up in a corner, and a refreshment table was discreetly placed in one corner of the room. People began to mill about, the speeches and presentations over. Several of my crew mates immediately made a beeline for the refreshments- only Sabo's Haki-coated hand kept Luffy from launching himself over and gobbling up all the little hors d'oeuvre things.

As for me? As soon as I felt I could get away with doing so, I bolted to a conveniently places window and did my best not to look like a six-year-old hiding behind the curtains. By which I mean I wasn't fidgeting or giggling, and was doing a better job of concealing all my body parts from view than a six-year-old would have, because I was still very much hiding behind the curtains.

They were nice curtains- white, but thick enough not to be sheer. I guess they helped keep the sun out on hot desert days.

I was fully prepared to wait out the entirety of the party behind those curtains, safely hidden. If I'd known my way around the palace better, I would've tried to leave entirely. Maybe found myself a nice place in a courtyard or on the roof where I could be alone and see the stars. Music started playing- not a song I knew, obviously, but I could tell from the beat that it was supposed to be a waltz. I closed my eyes and listened, breathing quietly and wishing I could will myself invisible every time I heard people come close to my hiding place. They usually left after a few seconds though.

Yes, I thought I was going to get away with hiding behind the curtains the whole time… _Riiiight_ up until someone pulled them aside with a great whooshing noise. Or at least, it seemed a great noise to me- no one else reacted at all, not even to glance curiously. Opening my eyes and jerking my head up, I came face to face with- Smoker?!

Tabarnak.

"May I have this dance?" The marine stuck out his hand gruffly. At least he wasn't smoking for once in his life- I probably would've died from the smell if he had been, he was so close.

"I don't dance."

Ignoring my protest, Smoker grabbed my hand with a chuckle and pulled me out of my hiding place. "Then I suppose it's a good thing my powers protect me from you stepping on my feet. Unless you happen to be wearing seastone stilettos?"

My face turned red in embarrassment. "Actually, I'm barefoot. Couldn't find any fancy shoes that fit."

"Then I have nothing to worry about." Smirking, Smoker pulled me over to where a number of couples were dancing. One hand gripped mine, while the other moved down to my waist. And not a millimeter further, unlike many of the other men in the room. He may not look or talk like it, but where it counted, Smoker was actually a gentleman. My free hand automatically rose to his shoulder, half-remembering things from lessons learned when I was small. Merde, I hadn't had to do anything like this since I was fifteen- and then it had been on _ice_. But while the steps Smoker was leading me through were different than the ones my feet thought they knew, I picked it up quickly by watching other couples out of the corner of my eye.

What? I said I _don't_ dance, not that I _can't_.

"So," I whispered once I was confident I wasn't going to screw up the pattern, "What're you doing here? I thought you were stuck in Loguetown until further notice? Won't the higher-ups be upset if they learn you've been-?"

"In Alabasta dancing with a pirate?"

His words were so soft, even _I_ barely heard them. Everyone around us was none the wiser, not noticing how I suddenly stiffened. My blood ran cold. _How did he know?_ Smoker smirked as we continued across the floor. "So I was right. You _are_ pirates."

 _Tabarnak_. He'd just done the same to me as I had to Bones. "Are you planning to arrest us, then?" I asked with as much confidence as I could muster. "I think the royal family of Alabasta might have something to say about that."

"If I intended to arrest you, it wouldn't be at a party. Too much publicity, too many people… Too many chances for civilians to get hurt." Smoker spun me around at a flourish in the music; I did my best to not resent this and to not kick him 'accidentally.' "As for what I'm doing here- I was curious. You see, not too long after your crew left Loguetown, I met some interesting people."

"A number of villagers from Cocoyashi came to Loguetown to file charges against Captain Nezumi and the officers of Branch Sixteen," Smoker spun me back into his chest to continue the main pattern, "For dereliction of duty, theft, fraud, and taking bribes- all in relation to the Arlong Pirates. I sent them off to be court-martialed without too much thought- I never liked Nezumi; always knew he'd turn out to be a rat- but one thing stuck with me. The few days they were in my custody, Nezumi and his officers kept babbling about an invisible pirate who used poison gas to take out the whole branch."

"And you suspected me because my friends were the ones to hand in Arlong?" Fighting back the urge to stomp on Smoker's foot, I forced a smile onto my face as we moved nearer to where Vivi was dancing with Kohza. Wouldn't do to get the princess any more involved than she already was; I didn't want to cause an international incident.

Yet.

"Not immediately," Smoker told me. He fell silent for a moment as we passed by the musicians. I wouldn't have been able to hear anything he said if he'd spoken; they were loud. Once we were far enough away for whispers to be audible, the marine resumed his explanation. "At first I thought maybe Don Krieg was involved… But then he was reported very much _dead_ by the chefs of the Baratie. He drowned, apparently- a couple of days _before_ Arlong was taken down and Branch Sixteen incapacitated. So I had no suspects."

I nodded pleasantly as we passed Nami and Sanji, my partner following suit. At that moment, I found myself wishing we had some sort of silent language to communicate amongst ourselves when we didn't want others to know; I would've liked to warn my crew mates about Smoker. But I couldn't.

"Shortly after that," Smoker continued, "Garp the Fist stopped in Loguetown to resupply on his way back from picking up Axe-Hand Morgan. Had some other interesting prisoners in his hold too- the Trump family. A crew everyone knew were at large, but no one could find. Apparently he'd gotten them from a grumpy green-haired kid and a scar-faced girl who couldn't look him in the eye. _That_ sounded familiar."

Shrugging, I spun out and in under Smoker's arm as the music flourished again. "So what? A local asked us to help out on Clockwork Island; we picked up a few bounties and passed them off to the vice-admiral so we wouldn't have to backtrack. If you hadn't noticed, your right-hand swordswoman isn't too pleased that our bosun owns three of the named blades she's so keen on collecting. Probably for the best if we keep the two of them apart as much as possible." Not that that was working too well at the moment- on the other side of the room, Tashigi had bullied Zoro into dancing with her. She appeared to be leading as she whispered into his ear.

"And then the remnants of Branch Eight floated into Loguetown." Smoker's voice dropped, if possible, even lower. My blood, just recently thawed when I thought I had an out, ran cold again. "Their captain was dead at the hands of Eric the Whirlwind, and many of their men had died or suffered severe injuries during a naval engagement involving a small pirate ship and a flight of dragons. Now, I thought, this could be the mysterious pirate who took out Branch Sixteen; it was a similar MO- whole branch out of action, led by a captain who I always knew was a rat but couldn't prove."

We reached a part of the dance I hadn't seen before, an odd little lift section; I et out a quiet squawk of outrage as Smoker picked me up. My instincts screamed at me to kick him in the head, although that would do nothing against someone with powers like his. Not until I learned Haki, at least. But… But at the same time I had to laugh a little when I saw _Tashigi_ pick _Zoro_ up. Yep, she was definitely leading, alright. The bosun looked horribly embarrassed, his face lighting up bright red.

"So I went to visit the islands where these events had happened," Smoker said as he put me down and we resumed dancing. "Cocoyashi first, then Clockwork Island and warship Island. And what I found was _very_ strange. The locals were _always_ reluctant to talk about their saviours, refusing to refer to them as more than a group of nice kids who'd helped with this or that. It was as if they were afraid to trust a marine- although I suppose I understand, given what Nelson and Nezumi were doing. But even if they didn't talk, there were clues. Children running around in straw hats, swinging two sticks like swords while they carried a third in their mouths. Riding tack being made for dragons- something I'd never thought I'd see- that had tiny skull-and-crossbones charms decorating it for good luck. A sudden rise in popularity of tattoos."

Tabarnak. He had plenty of evidence alright- all circumstantial, aye, but that never stopped anyone in the _One Piece_ world. The government would act on less if Smoker cared to voice his suspicions- or if someone powerful enough decided they wanted us dead. And then the marine's next words made my heart momentarily stop.

"So I decided to follow your crew, trace your route, find out what you were up too… It was difficult to figure out which path you followed from the capes, but a very helpful whale with a Jolly Roger on its forehead pointed me towards Whiskey Peak- inadvertently, I suspect. From there, it was easy. I just followed the trail of destruction and liberated kingdoms." Smoker chuckled wryly. "Of course, it helped that when I got to Alabasta yesterday morning, I saw a familiar ship with an _unfamiliar_ Jolly Roger flying- being pulled into port by a sea cat and crewed by a bunch of seal-turtle hybrids, no less. Your crew certainly doesn't do anything by half measures."

"They're called kung-fu dugongs," I muttered irritably as I tried to get my thoughts in order. Merde… I hadn't counted on Smoker having actual detective skills! Yes, that would've been par for the course where I came from- a law enforcement official being trained in basic deduction made sense- but _here?!_ The only marine I remembered having any sort of ability in that direction was Vice-Admiral Jonathan. Overall, the seagoing arms of the law had always seemed like a more "shoot first, think later" kind of organization. But I suppose rationalizing it wasn't helping. It didn't matter how or why; the fact was I'd underestimated Smoker, and now I needed to figure out if that was going to come with a price.

"Is that so? Never heard of them, but I suppose they're cute enough."

I sighed; my grip on Smoker's hand tightened. "Alright… You've told me how you figured us out. What do you want from me?"

"Answers." The music changed, from a waltz to a foxtrot. Faster, harder for me to figure out the pattern- but I think I did well enough. I had my Senior Bronze dances, after all; I wasn't hopeless at this, even if I _was_ more comfortable doing it on ice. "Why is a pirate crew sailing around _helping_ people? You've made quite the habit of liberating oppressed countries or driving off potential oppressors- not what I'd expect from a bunch of brigands."

"I wouldn't call us _brigands_." Whispering was harder now that we were moving faster. "The term I would use- although I'm not sure if you're familiar with it- is _peace-main_."

Smoker snorted. "An archaic term. What does it even mean?"

"Adventure. Freedom." Despite my nerves, I had to smile. "Don't get me wrong- we love a good fight, we love treasure, and we're certainly not above stealing from someone we think deserves it. But we raised the Jolly Roger because we want to live outside the law, not actively defy it. Except when the law is wrong. Then we defy it because not doing so would be the same as saying we agreed with it."

Frowning, Smoker looked like he could _really_ use a cigar. Or two. "Why not work from within the system then, change it?"

"Oh? Is _that_ what you tell yourself you're doing?"

My dance partner growled. Clearly I'd hit a nerve. But I knew this argument like the back of my hand, both from the alignment grid and from video games. _Why were we laid back to back, why were we laid face to face? I must be the light when you're in the dark._ "You've never been promoted beyond captain, even though you're strong enough for it. You could reach vice-admiral in a couple of years, easily- _if_ you play by the government's rules. But you don't. You do what you think is right, and while it's never taken you far enough outside the law that you've been demoted or arrested, it keeps you from getting high enough in the organization to have any power. To make any changes. Let me ask you this, Smoker- if you knew a greedy slimeball of a man was going to steal the results of eight years of hard work from Tashigi, would you do anything in your power to stop him?"

"Of course." The marine's nostrils flared in irritation. "Tashigi may be a forgetful klutz, but she's a good soldier and one of my best friends."

"What if that man were a marine?"

Smoker immediately stiffened. I smiled, as innocent as that cat that ate the canary. With no answer forthcoming, I ploughed on. "See- that hesitation is just what the World Government wants. What you're feeling is what holds all their little pets together, keeps you in line no matter _what_ you think about some of their actions. Now, you know what my crew has done. We liberate oppressed islands, save small children, protect nations from megalomaniacs trying to conquer them, root out corruption… All the same sort of things _marines_ are supposed to do. The only real difference between you and I are the colours we fly under. So, Smoker, _I_ want an answer from _you_ \- given how similar we are, which of us is more effective? Which of us is actually free to act?"

No answer. I was getting _much_ better at this sort of thing- certainly coming to enjoy it. Smoker and I weren't even moving anymore, frozen in the middle of the dance floor as he processed my question. My smile grew into a grin, albeit sadly a much less demented, intimidating one than usual given the makeup concealing my scars. "Because we live outside the law, my friends and I can act where someone who acts within it couldn't. Or at least, not quickly or easily. And sometimes that's what the world needs; the battle between good and evil takes place on a different axis than the battle between law and chaos, after all. Remind me to tell you the story of Robin Hood sometime."

I pulled away- which took some effort given the hold Smoker still had on my right hand- and did my best to disappear into the crowd. My small size helped with that; all I had to do was get a few tall people between myself and the marine captain, match their rhythms for a while as I gained some distance, and I was gold.

That said, I really didn't want to dance again. Wasn't sure if I could take any more secret conversations, and it wasn't like anyone would want to dance with me for any other reason. So instead of hiding behind a curtain again, I decided that screw not knowing my way around, I was getting out of that room and finding myself a nice secluded courtyard or something to hide in. Matching the rhythm of the crowd, I slipped towards the door and crept out. I absorbed the force of impact of my footsteps as I went, leaving my passage nearly silent. It would've been _dead_ silent had I not had to deal with the swishing of the silk gown I was wearing.

I love my powers. They're good for so many useful things.

Unfortunately, the problem of not knowing where to _find_ a nice little courtyard still raised its head. Wandering aimlessly, I somehow ended up back at Vivi's room; thankfully, there was no one around to jokingly compare my sense of direction to Zoro's. Shrugging, I went in. If I was going to end up here of all places, I may as well change back into my usual clothes. It wasn't like I was planning on going back to the party anyways.

Thus re-equipped- pants, how I'd missed you!- I returned to the issue at hand. If I were a royal courtyard, where would I hide? Out… Out the princess' window, tabarnak! I turned and slammed my forehead into the nearest available object with a groan of frustration. Stone with a layer of colourful fabric layered over it- a wall hanging.

"Suis un _idiot_." _Why_ hadn't I thought of that earlier? Better yet, why hadn't I noticed when everyone was forcing me into the dress in the first place? I could've hidden in a shrub and avoided the whole party mess. Maybe. Okay, probably not. They might've sent someone to retrieve me.

Opening one of Vivi's bedroom windows, I climbed down the wall using a pattern of flowers carved into the stone. They led me down into a garden, full of exotic flowers that I couldn't name. Bright reds, oranges, and pinks poked massive blooms out of a mass of glossy green, filling the air with a sweet, heavy scent. It was kind of like inhaling fruit punch, to be honest. I perched on the edge of a fountain and stared up at the stars. Oh, this was much better. I couldn't even hear the party from here; the only noise was the burble of the fountain and the soft hiss of a cool desert wind.

Judging by the largest moon, I sat there for at least a couple of hours. And really, it was just amazing to be in a world that had multiple bodies orbiting so close. I'd been here for months now, but the sight still filled me with awe. And I had yet to decode the constellations of this world, to learn their stories of gods and heroes… Maybe someone we'd meet would be able to tell me.

Eventually, footsteps disturbed my thoughts. Three sets- two human, one animal. I turned to look at the source of the noise, just in time to see Johnny and Yosaku enter the courtyard with Ruatha. My dragon immediately raced ahead of the hunters, launching himself at me in a flying tackle. "Monah! Jii!"

"Sorry bud. Guess you didn't like the party either, eh?" I scratched my dragon's head. He purred like a cat and curled up contentedly on my lap.

"Niid. Pogaan shar joriin; sahlon gaas."

"I have no idea what you just said," I informed my dragon fondly. Continued to pet him, I glanced up at Johnny and Yosaku. "What're you two doing here?"

"Thought you could use the company Big Sis!" Johnny held up a pitcher full of some sort of juice, a trio of empty glasses in his other hand.

Yosaku snorted fondly and ruffled his partner's hair. "And we kinda maybe offended some cousin of Big Sis Vivi's when I told him we were together and Johnny was off the market, so Big Sis Nami may've told us to lie low and not start a brawl right in front of a couple marine captains."

The green hunter sat stiffly beside me; I winced in sympathy. Most of Yosaku's face and torso were still covered in bandages from fighting Mr Five. Chopper had done the best he could, but the green hunter was still in some level of pain, and there was a good chance some of the wounds would scar. Still, I personally considered it a downright _miracle_ that Yosaku- having neither a Devil Fruit nor massive levels of training- could be up and moving so soon after getting blown up like he had.

Johnny poured the drinks and maintained control of the pitcher. And whatever it was, the stuff was _good_. A lot like orange juice, but not quite as sweet, mixed with hints of cinnamon, honey, and raisins. It had a bit of a bite to it and a bitter aftertaste. And I was _thirsty_. I hadn't noticed until now… It must've been the dancing. I finished my glass before I knew it.

"Ah, that's great!" I set my glass down with a clink, swatting at a bug that had landed in my bangs. "What is it?"

Both hunters shrugged. "Local drink. Didn't recognize the name." Yosaku sipped his slowly; even the act of swallowing hurt him somewhat. Johnny drank his much more quickly, eyes lighting up.

"Wow Big Sis- you're right. This stuff's _amazing_." The blue hunter glanced at the pitcher, then at me. I could see the gears whirling in his head- he was trying to figure out if he could win should this turn into a full-on Straw Hat food fight. Apparently deciding he couldn't, Johnny paused for a moment before a sly expression took over his face. "I'll play ya for it."

"What?" I was confused. Johnny's smile broadened.

"A set of games- the winner of each one gets another drink. That way it's fair, and we don't have to get mad at whoever finishes it."

Well, a more sensible way would've been to just divide the volume of liquid in equal parts, but who was I to say no to a little friendly competition? It could double as training. Besides, Sanji would probably get the recipe and then we could have it as much as we wanted at future parties. "You're on. Name your game."

"Apples and Arrows." When I cocked my head to the side in confusion, Johnny sighed. "Right, forgot you weren't raised in the East Blue. Sorry Big Sis."

"No, it's okay. How do I play?"

The blue hunter looked around for a few minutes before plucking a large, ball-shaped orange flower from a nearby bush. "This'll do." He placed it on his head. "Pick a weapon Big Sis- a _ranged_ weapon. But, um, please not your pistol. And stand five meters back. You've gotta try and hit the flower off my head. One shot- if you miss, I win, but if you knock it off, you win."

Okay… So he was trying to use my poor vision and crappy aim against me? A very good plan. Backing up the required distance, I picked up a pebble and tossed it up and down experimentally. I'd have to use my powers to make the distance, probably- but if I did that, I might bean Johnny with a rock moving at the speed of a bullet. Never used my fruit to increase the force behind a thrown object before… I had no idea what might happen.

Maybe I should just let him win this one. A competition like this… I could probably get away with demanding a different game each time in the name of fairness. Nodding to myself, I took aim at a flower quite a ways to the left of Johnny's head and let fly with a flick of my wrist.

 _Fsh-pting! Fump!_ My thrown pebble swished through the leaves of a plant to the right of the one I'd been aiming for, bounced off the corner of a stone bench, and flew back into the flower on top of Johnny's head. Orange petals exploded, scattering everywhere. The blue hunter looked at me in awe.

"Big Sis… Did you try to do that, or was that just luck?"

"Luck…" I squeaked, equally stunned. Then I shook my head and poured myself a drink. "Well Johnny, looks like I'm up one. And for _your_ first challenge… A test of balance! Whoever can walk around the edge of the fountain the most times without falling off wins!"

Johnny's eyes glowed in anticipation as he pumped his arm, bright enough that I could see ice blue even through his sunglasses. "You're on, Big Sis!"

Up above, the moons rose ever higher.

X

The first thing I noticed was the pounding in my skull. It was like ever blood vessel in my head had been filled with liquid _pain_ rather than blood, pulsing like some kind of demented jackhammer. No- Like someone had trapped Akainu in my veins and he was knocking on my skull and _brain_ in an effort to get out. Even without opening my eyes, the light felt like Zoro was stabbing me with tiny golden blades. My mouth was fuzzy as peach skin and tasted like stale raisins.

And whatever I was lying on was _hard_. Certainly not a bed, or even the firm-but-serviceable sitting room chair I'd been sleeping on since discovering that I still couldn't room with my crew mates. It felt like I was lying on a pile of slate shingles. Which was funny, since I didn't _remember_ lying on a pile of slate shingles.

Actually, the last thing I remembered was playing darts with Johnny while Yosaku shook his head and laughed.

 _Osti d'épais de marde._ Had- had that drink from last night had _alcohol_ in it? Had I been _drunk?_ I'd never been drunk before… Was this a _hangover?_ But we had to head out this morning. I was gonna be late! I couldn't be late- if I was, then we'd leave late and might throw off our whole schedule! There were things coming that _had_ to be done on schedule!

Groaning, I sat up, opened my eyes- and immediately regretted doing either. _Pain_ … So much pain that I felt like I was going to vomit. But I didn't. It took all of my meager focus to keep myself from rubbing my achy, gritty eyes. Owwwwww…

A slow, painful look around revealed that I was on the roof of the palace. Tabarnak… What was drunk me _doing_ last night? I got to my knees with another groan, then to my feet with a third. How was I supposed to get down from here? _How had I gotten_ up _here?_ A glance towards the harbour a couple of kilometers away showed me the _Going Merry_ bobbing proudly at a pier, splashes of colour all over her deck and on the pier around her. Must be my crew mates…

… _Who would assume I was already on board!_ If they hadn't seen me in the suite last night, they probably thought I was in the cargo hold asleep. Tabarnak. I had to get there quickly- but how?

Looking around for something that would help me get down off the roof, I caught sight of a flagpole. Ah, perfect. The green and gold flag of Alabasta waved proudly in the morning breeze… Right above a pair of briefs? The underpants in question were clean and white, with a blue waistband and little seagulls and anchors embroidered in blue all over them in a repeating pattern. The word _justice_ looped across the ass in elegant handwriting. You know, the kind you sometimes see on high-end fashion tags and logos.

Must belong to a marine.

Despite my worry about being late, I couldn't help but stare at the fluttering briefs. There was something fascinating about how gloriously out-of-place they were. I rubbed my temples. Maybe I wasn't quite sober yet, if something like this held my attention so well. Not sure… I'd never been drunk before, so I had no idea if the intoxication could last into the hangover. Although I suppose I could've been drunk on pain at that point. My head _really_ hurt.

Whatever it was, though, I sobered up quickly when I saw a column of smoke slowly rising up around the flagpole. When it reached the underpants, part of the smoke solidified into the familiar, _pissed off_ form of a marine captain. He looked like he'd spent the night chasing rabbits through a briar patch, his hair sticking out every which way, his clothing dirty and frayed at the edges. At first Smoker merely looked generally angry… And then he saw me.

" _JONES!_ "

Smoker launched himself across the gap towards me, eyes glowing red. I turned and bolted, all pain forgotten. When I reached the opposite edge of the roof, I jumped, putting as much force into it as I could- and promptly wondered why I hadn't thought to do this earlier instead of looking around for a way to climb down.

For a few seconds I flew through the air, weightless; then I plummeted back towards the ground near the edge of the city. Wow, I'd stored up a lot of force from somewhere. That might've been part of why I felt so nauseous. I came down on a cobbled street, absorbing force with my powers and bent knees, collapsing forwards into a roll. By the time I was fully erect, I was already running. Hopefully my crew mates weren't so close to casting off that I'd miss the boat.

Something crinkled between my bandoliers and my shirt as I ran; I pulled it out and looked at it. A piece of paper. Unfolding it revealed my own handwriting, albeit much shakier than usual. A few drops of something dark and rusty red spattered one corner of the page. Glancing back, I couldn't see Smoker anymore; that force leap must've thrown him off. Which meant I could safely read whatever I'd written without worrying about being attacked. Not that I expected anything my intoxicated mind had come up with to be particularly important or insightful.

 _Dear Sober Me,_

 _Not sure if you'llllllll ned this since we've nevr been drunk afore, but if yous forgot… Last night wes AWESOME. I beat Johny at almost allllllll the games- cept second round of Apples and Arrows, Tabarnak! Hihihi, sounds like_ _bunr_ _barnacles. One of them was a d-d-d-d-duel; maybe he'll take his trainin mre seriously now. Anywho, Nami found us and asked what we were doin, then got mad and started hittin Johnny after we splained. Apparently whatever we_ _drinked_ _drank was like that time Dad's friends tricked him into drinking a buncha screwdrivers. Hihihi, screwdrivers to get hanmered. Wild pun! If we's dead tomorrow, it's ain't my fault. You the one who liked that stufffffff so much._

 _We couldna_ _slurp_ _sleep and kept botherin people- says Nami; I dona think so- so Sanji told us to go bug the marines if we were gonna be such a… I didna understand word he used. Parisian French, methinks; never heard it before and cana spell it. So we did. Took about threeeeeee hours to get to the harbour- I_ _thinked_ _thought it was closer, but maybe not. Although we kept runnin into that one pair a dancin girls with the big cactus over 'n ver. That mighta somethin a do with it. Smokey's ship was fun; there were lots of locks and springs and stuffs for us to play with…_

 _X_

 _"Many a trues word has been spoken by the jest; standing against the tide is the noblest of gestures. Little pearls of wisdom that tumble from the light can make us laugh until we cry because we know that they are right~!" I sang under my breath as I climbed up the anchor chain of the ship. I could've used the ramp leading from the pier to the deck, but that wasn't cool enough. I was a pirate! I was supposed to don things this way!_

 _Stifling a giggle, I hauled myself up over the rails onto the deck of the man o'war. Human-shaped shadows patrolled the ship, highly visible against the stars and the lights of the city in the distance. I rushed to crouch behind a cannon, but tripped over a coiled line on the way there, sending me crashing into the deck with a soft thud. One of the nearer patrolling shadows stiffened and approached._

 _"Who's there? Show yourself!"_

 _"Sesehihihihihi! Silly marine! Who's not here; who's on first!"_

 _Peeling myself away from the wood, I found myself face-to-musket with a frowning young man. His hands were shaking; unruly locks of platinum blond hair framed confused green eyes. "Who are you and how did you get here? Don't you know this ship's off limits to civilians?"_

 _"And if I sees one, I'll be sure to lets him know." I stood up and grinned._

 _The marine in front of me faltered, thrown off by my response. After a moment, he seemed to decide that the appropriate reaction was to shoot me; I lunged forwards and grabbed his gun as soon as I saw the twitch in his hand, pointing the muzzle at the sky as he tightened his finger on the trigger. An explosive shot sounded right by my ear, leaving me half-deaf with my head ringing. I responded by delivering a heavy thump to the marine's head, hard enough to knock him unconscious._

 _"S'rude to shoot at people when they's done nothing wrong, mate," I informed the insensate youth. He didn't respond. Whistling softly, I found the main hatchway and bolted inside before anyone came to investigate the gunshot._

 _The doors to all the cabins and holds and stuff were locked. I drooped with disappointment- and then my grin came back full force. Hihihi, force! Was it a pun any time I used that word? Anyway, this was a perfect opportunity for training. If things went wrong, I wouldn't be breaking anything important- just a silly marine ship- so Nami couldn't be mad and add to my debt!_

 _I really needed to get rid of that quick. It was just a lump sum now, but if I accidentally pissed her off again, she might add interest._

 _"Hooke's Law!" The first lock I tried exploded when I tried to compress all the springs at once. I pouted and picked up the pieces, examining them. What was I doing wrong? Was it just that I couldn't see the insides? Experimentally, I took one of the springs that had been fired out and rested it on the tip of my finger. "Hooke's Law!"_

 _The spring extended and compressed with my will, confirming my suspicions that I could use my powers this way. I spent a while just making it go up and down- it looked like a little caterpillar standing up on my fingertip, searching for food. So cute! Hmmm… With this application of my powers, a Slinky might be a viable weapon. But that was stupid. Where would I even_ find _a Slinky in this world? They might never have been invented!_

 _I should make a Slinky._

 _Maybe the problem was that I was trying to do many springs at once. Gathering up the rest of the springs from the exploded lock, I placed them all on end on the palm of my hand. "Hooke's Law!"_

 _It took a little more concentration, but I could still make all of them bob up and down. So yes… It had to be that I couldn't see them that was throwing me off. That just meant I needed more practice! If I could find the right amount of force… Picking locks like this would be so cool!_

 _"Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law!" I went through several more locks in quick succession, varying the amount of force I put into them. Too little and nothing happened; too much and they exploded in my face. I couldn't seem to find the sweet spot, though, the point where I unlocked them without severely damaging them. "Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law!"_

 _Eventually it occurred to me to rip a lock off a door and open it up so I could have a look at what was going on inside. I watched, fascinated, as the springs twitched when I applied my powers. Slowly, slowly… Yes, if I pushed the force in at a slow, steady rate instead of a big burst, I could make the springs compress without exploding. Kind of like when I'd used gravity to squish Ten and Tuesday. I giggled at this discovery. Oh, this could be useful in the future._

 _By then there was only one cabin in the ship that I hadn't unlocked and had a look inside. It seemed a shame to leave it out. Pressing my finger to the lock, I pushed in a slow stream of force. "Hooke's Law!"_

 _Pa-tick._

 _"Yes!" I did a little happy dance in front of the door as it clicked and swung open. This nearly made me trip over my own feet, but I didn't care. Now, what was inside?_

 _Not much, it turned out. A cot pressed up against one wall, a desk covered in loose papers, and a small dresser. I made a face at the desk- paperwork! Boring! But if there was anything I'd learned from video games, it was that the dresser might have something interesting in it. I bounced over to have a look. But it was boring too… Socks, black pants, more socks, briefs that said "justice" on them. I snickered at the last one. Who would've thought- marines were symbols of justice right down to their underpants!_

 _Heavy boots on the wood behind me made me jump and turn around. Staring down at me, arms folded, was Smoker. "Jones… What're you doing on my ship?"_

 _"Nothing!" I held my arms behind my back- in part to look more innocent, and in part so Smokey wouldn't see I'd picked up some of his underwear._

 _He frowned at me. "Are you drunk?"_

 _"Maybe? Sesehihihihihi! I dunno; I've never been drunk before."_

 _Groaning, Smokey raised a hand to rub his forehead. "You_ are _drunk. And you've somehow escaped your crew mates. Well… In my experience, alcohol makes men more honest, even if it comes with unfortunate side effects. So I guess it's as good a time as any to question you. You said your crew are good, that you tend to perform the same function as the marines, so… What do you think of us? Marines as a whole?"_

 _"I hate your cigars," I informed him, "The smell hurts my nose." Shrugging, I focused on the fur collar of his jacket. It looked so soft… I wanted to pet it. "I try to make opinions about people rather than organizations Smokey- I know good marines and bad marines, just like I know good and bad pirates. You'n Tashigi're okay, say, but I hate the butt-face magma puppy. He's so focused on_ law _that he can't understand_ good _… Kills his own men for being cowards even if the fight they're running away from isn't one they could possibly win… And he killed someone I cared about."_

 _Pausing, I shook my head. "No, wait- that hasn't happened yet._ Won't _happen- I won't let it."_

 _Smoker sighed. "As much as I admire your dedication to seeing people as individuals, that's not what I asked. You_ have _to have opinions on the marine organization as a whole. Do you think it's a good system? If the corruption could be rooted out, and maybe some of the laws changed… What do you think of us?"_

 _Letting out a sigh of my own, I looked up to stare flatly into Smoker's eyes. Doing so made me dizzy for some reason- although maybe that was just rapid head movement. "Smokey…" I said with all seriousness, "When it comes to the marine organization as a whole, disregarding individuals who I like or dislike for reasons, there's really only one thing I can say."_

 _"And that is?"_

 _"I'd rather live an honest lifetime with those with nothing to lose than waste a life knee-deep in shite that's polished slick to look just right~ I'd rather live a lifetime in the company of fools~!"_

 _My singing clearly annoyed the marine. I could see a vein twitching in his forehead. "So you think we're stupid for bowing to the government's every whim."_

 _I shrugged. "You said it, not me. But… Where I come from, there was a document called the Magna Carta. It said that not even the king was above the law. So yeah… I'm not too fond of a system that allows the Celestial Dragons- or World Nobles, or Tenryuubito, whatever you want to call them- to ignore the law and control the marines without consequence."_

 _That made Smoker pause, thoughtful. "But then… If no one is above the law, who makes it?"_

 _"Everyone. Where I come from, people get together in a group and talk about things and vote on things. It's called democracy. It's not a perfect system- or set of systems, really; there's lots of kinds- but it gets the job done better than what the Celestial Dragons have going on. Most of the time, anyways." Great. I was drunk and talking about politics. Guess I was related to my great-uncles after all. I pouted, both at that realization and the subject matter overall. "And they_ certainly _don't deserve to use the title 'dragons.' Dragons are supposed to be either adorable or terrifying; either way, they're magnificent creatures that represent strength, nobility, and freedom- not dumpy men with funny hair who're too scared of oxygen to take their spacesuits off."_

 _"Whether I agree with you or no, don't let anyone else hear you saying things like that. The Celestial Dragons have ears everywhere."_

 _"So do I," I snickered. "Think of me as the pirate version of a Cipher Pol agent."_

 _Smoker raised an eyebrow at that. "A great boast- and again, not something you should spout where just anyone can hear." Sighing, the marine stepped forwards and reached to grab my hand. "Come on; I'll take you back to the palace. Your crew mates can keep you under control until you're sober again. I- I have a lot to think about."_

 _Unable to get out of the way in time, I found one of my arms tugged out from behind my back. Smoker's frown deepened into a glare when he saw the briefs clutched in my hand. "_ Jones _… I will ask you this one time and one time only… What are you doing with my underwear?"_

 _My blood ran cold. I didn't know why- I hadn't been doing anything nefarious. But rather than explaining myself, my instincts screamed at me to run and hide. So I aimed a kick at Smoker's groin, forcing him to dissipate into smoke and release me. Then I bolted. "You'll never take me alive, Horse Marine!"_

 _"JONES! Get your arse back here, you damn-the-eyes-tar!" Smoker was hot on my heels as I tore out of his ship, leapt to the pier, and bolted up towards Alubarna. I kept just out of reach, shoving tiny bursts of force through my feet to send my flying forwards faster than I could actually run._

 _"Sesehihihihihi!" A very small part of my brain said this was an incredibly dumb idea. It was overruled by the other parts, which were all thinking of the bragging rights. Stealing White Chase's underwear… I bet that was something no other pirate ever had the gall to do. But where should I put them? Somewhere where he'd focus on_ them _for a bit and not_ me _, so I would have a chance to escape. Ah well, I'd think of something when I got to the castle._

 _"Na na natineutinee, na na natineutinee, na na natineutinee, natineutinee na~!"_

X

Well, that at least explained why Smoker had attacked me on sight. I was a little curious as to _how_ my drunken self had gotten on a ship and unlocked everything _without being seen_ until she'd perfected a new technique, and the whole roof thing was still a mystery, but that was probably as good an explanation as I was gonna get. I groaned and crumpled the note against my forehead. Never again… Drinking something without knowing what it was was a stupid, _stupid_ idea. No wonder I felt horrible.

Now that I was clear of Smoker, my adrenaline had died down and the pain and nausea were back full force. When I got to the _Going Merry_ , I was gonna sleep 'til we reached Jaya. Except… I couldn't do that, could I? I still had stuff to prepare. But maybe I could get away with sleeping for two or three days?

One could hope.

Sadly, glorious rest wasn't meant to be. I flailed wildly as I came within earshot of the ship. "Guys! Guys! Wait for me!"

My voice caused everyone on and around the ship to pause in what they were doing. Aww… The reformed Baroque Works agents had shown up with Vivi to see us off. That made me feel all warm and fuzzy for some reason. Maybe I _was_ still a little drunk. And was that Bones with Sharpie on his shoulder? I waved at the assassin; he glanced in my direction and rolled his eyes, rubbing the baby bananagator's head with one hand. Miss Doublefinger- never did find out her real name- smiled from her place beside him. Huh. Well, if she did something to build on what I'd said to him, good for her.

Sabo, standing aboard his own smaller boat beside the _Going Merry_ , threw an empty can at Usopp. "I _told you_ she wasn't down below!"

The gunner sighed and rubbed his head where he'd been hit. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But she sleeps down in the cargo hold, and no one saw her in the palace last night, so what was I supposed to think?"

"Maybe that the person with Kenbunshoku Haki knew what he was talking about?" Sabo raised his eyebrows. High above, Usopp looked properly sheepish.

"Jones was almost late! Gum-Gum Rocket!" Oh no. Luffy launched himself at me, bowling me over and landing on my stomach. The throbbing in my head intensified. "Where were you? What were you doing last night? You just dist- disa- _poofed!_ We were worried!"

"Please, no Fist of Love." I shielded my head weakly. Luffy seemed to understand from my voice exactly how terrible I was feeling, since he actually listened to my request. I waved the note I'd written myself with one hand. "According to this, I was practicing a new technique on a marine ship and stealing Captain Smoker's underpants. While I need to try the technique to make sure, I _can_ confirm the underwear bit- he came after me about it as I was leaving the palace. And I spent some of it sleeping off enough alcohol to kill a mule."

Zoro leaned on the rail and smirked. "So… Jones is a lightweight, huh?"

I flipped him off with a groan and stood up, forcing Luffy off of me. "Bite me. Where I come from, what I drank last night borders on lethal. I think, anyway… Ergh… My brain's trying to dig its way out of my ears."

Climbing aboard the _Going Merry_ made me dizzy. I scowled at Ruatha when my dragon started running towards me, halting him in his tracks. I did _not_ need a flying tackle from a dog-sized ball of scales right now. Rubbing my temples, I headed for the main hatchway. _Sleep_ …

"Wait! Jones!" But apparently Sabo had other plans. "I promised Green Dragon I'd bring back some useable intel- and you haven't told me anything about Jaya yet!"

Bleh… Did I have to? A quick look around told me that unless I wanted ASL to make my hangover a living nightmare, yes, I did. "Ergh… Fine. Useable piece of intel… The Joker is Doflamingo. Don't go after him without more info- his family are tough bastards, but I can't keep their powers and weaknesses straight right now. Head hurts… And he's got a man in the marines, a vice-admiral, I think. Vertigo?"

"I think you mean Vergo," a low voice rumbled from a ship on the _other_ side of the _Going Merry_. I looked up and groaned loudly. _Smoker_ … But I thought I'd escaped. Thinking quickly, I hid behind Ace. _He_ could keep Smoker off my back.

But the marine didn't seem interested in attacking me right now- and he _did_ seem interested in my human shield. "And now one of Whitebeard's division commanders. This crew's just full of surprises. So I guess you kids _would_ know why the old man scared the piss outta the government by sending a bunch of his boys to Paradise."

There was a question hidden in those words- a question and an order. Of course, no one orders the Straw Hats around and gets away with it. Luffy looked up at Smoker and stuck out his tongue. "None of your business Smokey!"

"I'm a marine; it's _always_ my business when pirates go places they aren't expected to, or start doing things pirates don't usually do. And I suppose it's my business, too, if little girls start spreading rumours about high-ranking marines or seem to know things no one possibly could. Not that I think Vergo being a mole is just a rumour- there always _was_ something fishy about him." Smoker shrugged. "I thought it was just his smell, from all the stuff he gets stuck to his face."

"Not a little girl," I muttered. "Only ten years younger than you."

Smoker raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. "Then what _are_ you?"

"Told you last night- peace-main. Also a witch, and a karate-ka… and currently hung over. Now piss off so I can share important stuff that doesn't concern you with my crew mates." I flipped the bird at the inquisitive marine.

Smoker made no move to leave the rail of his ship, nor to order his men to cast off. Instead he snorted. "Hung over… Well, you deserve it. Just pummelling you wouldn't be punishment enough though; I need time to think of a way to make you pay for last night. _Properly_."

Nami smirked and cooed. "Aw, did your date not work out? But you two looked _adorable_ together."

That set both of us off. Smoker turned red and reached for his jitte- then thought better of it and turned around, storming away. I, meanwhile, slammed a fist down on top of Nami's head like she'd done so often to everyone else. "WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK WAS THAT FOR?! SMOKER AND I WEREN'T DATING, TABARNAK! _HE_ WAS PHISHING FOR INFORMATION AND _I_ WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM THAT CHAOTIC GOOD AND LAWFUL EVIL ARE THINGS THAT EXIST!"

"Ouch." Rubbing her head, Nami glared at me and lashed out with a punch of her own. I jumped back, out of the way. Didn't need any more head pain right now, thank you very much. "How about some thanks, eh?! I just got him to leave so you and Sabo can talk secrets if you need to!"

"Oh…" Well didn't I feel stupid? "Sorry…"

"You're welcome." Brushing imaginary dust off her shorts, Nami shot a sly look at Zoro. "Of course, there's still the matter of _his_ little dance with the swordswoman…"

"Nothing happened," Zoro announced gruffly. "She was trying to get me to give up my swords, talking shit about named blades not being meant for evil and violence… I said no way. A sword's a sword; it's made for fighting, and a sword's spirit is happiest when it tastes battle."

Nami looked disappointed that there was nothing she could exploit from Zoro and Tashigi's dance. The sailing master huffed and headed off to plot our next course. Sighing and rubbing my temples, I turned back to Sabo.

"So… You wanted to know about Jaya, right? Can't really say more than I already have- I dunno what's changed from what I know, whether _he_ has eyes around here somewhere… Sorry. But there'll be something going down when we get there. Something _big_. Something that might chart a new course for the whole world. But if it goes wrong," I waved my arms to encompass the _Going Merry_ and everyone on her, "We're all toast. Rookies-challenging-a-Yonko-level toast. So if you're asking because you're considering coming with us… Be prepared to fight someone who could kill Whitebeard." Okay, not in open battle, but still…

Sabo paled, but his it quickly. I could see him calculating something rapidly in his head. "I won't travel with you," he answered finally, "But I'll be there. I can't let my brothers face someone like that without me. There's just something I need to pick up first."

Up on _Merry_ 's poop deck, Ace was looking pretty pale too. "I- I guess I should tell Marco that he, Namur, and Haruta need to meet us on Jaya. Wow… That's closer than I thought."

I shrugged. "Sorry."

Ace looked like he was about to come over and ask to borrow one of my den-den mushi to call his crew mates- but he fell over on his face instead. A loud snore emerged. Ah, narcolepsy. A shudder ran up my spine at the thought. Having something like that, where your body could be out of your control without warning at any time… Terrifying.

Chopper jumped up with a squeak, cantering up to the poop deck. "Aiyeeeeee! Ace! What happened? Someone get a doctor!"

"You're the doctor," Usopp reminded him.

The reindeer blushed. "Oh. Right." Chopper busied himself with briskly checking Ace over. He stopped a minute later with a sigh. "Narcolepsy… I don't know anything that'll help with that. But maybe I can study Ace and it might help me develop something."

Sabo tipped his hat and set sail shortly after Ace collapsed. That left us Straw Hats more or less alone with Vivi and the Baroque Works agents- there was no one visible on the deck of Smoker's man o'war. The princess looked like she was fighting back tears as she stared up at us. "I… I never dreamed I'd say this to a bunch of scruffy pirates, but I'll miss you."

Never dreamed you'd say it, eh? Your Rainbow of Dreams illusion said otherwise, princess. You want to be one of us; you're just afraid to admit it.

Luffy grinned down at Vivi and held out his hand. "You can come with us if you want. Then you don't have to miss us!"

That made Vivi pause for a long moment. She looked tempted- _very_ tempted. But in the end, her shoulders slumped and she shook her head. "N-no. I can't. My people need me; even with having headed the civil war off when we did, previous skirmishes and the drought did a lot of damage. There's a lot of rebuilding to do, and my father isn't getting any younger. He'll need my help." The princess shot us a watery smile. "Besides… As one of the co-leaders of the Suna-Suna Clan and a former frontier agent, I'm the best one for communicating between the rebels, the agents, the people, and my father. So as much as I'd like to take you up on your offer, Luffy, I have to decline."

Pouting, Luffy doodled shaped on the rail with his finger. "Fine… We're gonna miss you though. If you change your mind… Well, you're already one of us, so you just gotta come home!" He ended with a sunny grin.

That broke Vivi's control over her tears. The started to fall, silent and quick, spotting the stone at her feet. Some of my crew mates joined her- Usopp and Chopper were sniffling, while Johnny and Yosaku were outright bawling into each other's arms. Sanji drooped with disappointment. Even Zoro looked unhappy. Ruatha, my dear little baby, crooned and lashed his tail. Then he flared one of his wings and ran his claws through the feathery scales. A large one- a primary- came loose; Ruatha chirped happily and dropped it over the side. Vivi caught it and tucked it into her hair as Zoro went to raise the anchor.

There was silence for a while, other than the shouting of orders as we guided the _Going Merry_ out of the harbour. And yes, my head was still hurting the whole time. But as much as I would've _loved_ to sleep, I wouldn't do that until we were out on calm waters and no one needed me. Chopper brought me a mug of herbal tea to drink while I adjusted the lines. It helped somewhat.

As we left the harbour, a series of loud, sucking splashes sounded behind the _Merry_. Doya popped his head out of the water, his apprentices beside him, and waved. Behind the dugongs was Bluestar; the sea cat had one massive paw raised in imitation of the dugongs. It made him look like a giant maneki neko. Grinning broadly, I waved back at the animals from my place in the rigging, leaning back and pulling a line tight as I did so.

Robin stood on the deck the whole time, looking around, not quite sure where she fit. And no one really thought to give her any instructions either- we weren't used to her presence yet. Even me. I'd _expected_ her to join, aye, known she was coming, but like with many things since arriving in this world… Knowing was different than actually having it happen.

Once out on the open sea, Alabasta and Smoker's ship growing fainter on the aft horizon, work relaxed. With calm water and a gentle breeze, _Merry_ almost seemed to sail herself. Actually… Knowing what would come later, I couldn't say for certain that she _wasn't_. Everyone assembled on deck, around Robin in a semi-circle. Well, except Ace- he was still lying on his face on the poop deck.

"Can we really trust her?" Zoro demanded, arms crossed. Sanji spun to shoot him a glare.

"Of course we can Moss-Head! The lovely Robin would never betray us~" The cook's eyes turned into hearts.

"It's a valid question," Zoro shot back. "She was a high-ranking member of an enemy organization- she could turn on us. What guarantee do we have that she's one of us? She's _said_ she doesn't want to be."

"She is," Luffy said quietly. His voice silenced the arguments I could see Sanji and Nami formulating. "I can tell. Right Jones? She's one of us- one of the _originals_."

"Aye…" I hung my head. Ruatha climbed up onto my shoulders and began nosing through my hair.

Both Robin and Lisa looked confused. Wait- Lisa? Oh, right… I hadn't told her about the whole "other worlds" deal yet. Kept it quiet in front of Vivi, Jack, and Mairead, and she wasn't in the room when I explained to Chopper.

Robin's eyes narrowed. " _Originals?_ What does that mean? I was never part of your crew- not until your captain grabbed me and refused to let go."

Luffy put a hand on my shoulder, offering reassurance I didn't really need. "Tell her, Jones."

"I know, I know. Just gimme a second- have to figure out how to make her believe." Let's see… Hmm… "Okay Robin- and Lisa, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier. So, as for how I know everything I do… We say I'm a witch, and in some ways that's true, but my future knowledge doesn't come from dreams or visions. It's… Not easy to explain. I come from another world, where this one is the setting for a comic book. The main characters of this comic were the Straw Hat Pirates; it chronicled Luffy's journey to become the king of the pirates. I- I ended up here by accident, when I thought to die." I rubbed my forearms together nervously.

Lisa reacted by rushing over to grab my arms, rolling up my sleeves to get a better look at the scars she knew were there. Green eyes stared up at me, shiny and wet. The little painter didn't say anything. All she did was wrap her arms around my waist and hug tight, burying her face in my chest. I couldn't tell whether she believed me or not- I think learning where those scars had come from distressed her far more. The forceful hug made me uncomfortable, but I endured it, patting Lisa's head to reassure her.

Robin looked skeptical. The archaeologist frowned at me. "I- that isn't possible. I preferred the explanation that you used magic."

There was nothing I could really say to that. Robin was skeptical of the magic explanation too- and even if I could say something to confirm, it wouldn't be able to differentiate between the two. And even _that_ was unlikely. Anything I could say to Robin would most likely point back to my Uncle Indy story. Unless…

That would work. I glanced around apologetically before I spoke. "Sorry… Gonna have to break the "no backstory" rule for this one."

Luffy nodded. "Go ahead Jones."

Nodding, I looked back at Robin. "The reason you ended up with a wanted poster so soon after the destruction of Ohara was that you called out to your mother that you were an archaeologist like her and could read the Poneglyphs too. It was Aokiji who let you get away, guiding you to a safe island with a trail of ice. He did it in part because he didn't want to kill a child- and in part because he was honouring his friend Jaguar D Saul, a friend he was ordered to kill as part of the Buster Call."

Olive skin paled to chalky white. "How… You said your uncle was an archaeologist- your knowledge of Ohara _had_ to come from him. _No one_ could know that. How- how did you know?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Which would you rather believe- that I have magic powers beyond even what Devil Fruits can explain, or that I come from another world where all this is a comic and I saw your childhood drawn out on paper?"

"Both are equally unbelievable…" Robin shook her head. "If you _did_ come her from another world, though… How did you get here? You said you thought to die- how, then, did you tear down the walls between worlds?"

That was something I'd never been able to come up with a satisfactory answer to. I shrugged. "Magic."

"Then the answers are one and the same." Robin leaned back against the mast. "Unless you can prove and recreate the situation, it doesn't matter. But I suppose I prefer the idea of world-walking to that of visions- it may be equally unexplainable magic, but books are something I understand." She looked pensive and uncomfortable. Hopeless and resigned. "I suppose… I suppose if this story has already been written, though, that means our fates are carved in stone."

"Nope! The original story may be already written, but this version's different. _I_ wasn't here in the original, for one thing. Lots of stuff's been changing. Fate…" I let out a humourless laugh. "Fate's not written in stone- it's barely even sketched out with a pencil." I didn't tell her about being in a fanfiction, another version of myself at the keyboard. It wasn't something I'd told any of the others, after all, and it wouldn't make a difference that I knew of.

No one said anything after that. A line unravelled somewhere above, falling in such a way that it ended up draped over everyone's shoulders, almost as if _Merry_ meant to tie us together. Ghin glanced up at where the line had come from and grumbled under his breath. A corner of the mainsail flapped freely in the breeze; the line that had dropped was one of the major ones.

Heavy flapping filled the air in the silence. A moment later, Geier landed on the rail with Drifter. The otter wore his Mountie uniform proudly. One paw held tight to his partner's feathers while the other held up a sign. _So that's where your knowledge comes from. I've heard weirder… Although usually from drunks I arrested after barroom brawls spilled out into the streets._

Usopp jumped and let out a little yip of surprise. But he didn't aim his slingshot at the animals, so there was that. "What're you two doing here?!"

 _Your Jones offered to help us find employment after Baroque Works fell,_ Drifter wrote. _I think she meant to smooth the way for us in Alabasta, so we could take up careers there like the other officer and frontier agents. The thing is… That doesn't sit with our goal. There's someone we're searching for… We need employment that can help us find him. So, pirates… where would you suggest?_

Zoro looked at the otter and scowled. "Same question as with her," he said, jerking a thumb in Robin's direction. "If they come, how do we guarantee they won't turn on us? Especially since they turned on their last boss 'cause they liked Jones better."

This time Sanji folded his arms. "Who says they're coming, eh Shitty Mossball?" The cook blew a smoke ring at the bosun. Zoro waved it away with a huff.

"Just watch Shit Cook. Explanation arriving in three, two, one…"

"SO CUTE!"

"FLYING'S COOL! JOIN MY CREW!"

Luffy and I crowded the Unluckies at the same time. I plucked Drifter off of Geier's back and snuggled the otter close. He was so adorable in his little red jacket and tiny Stetson! Like a novelty teddy bear come to life. And the vulture didn't escape either. Luffy latched onto Geier and began a detailed examination of her wings, running his fingers through her feathers, and flexing and extending the great limbs by hand. Shrieking at the indignity, the vulture tried to rake my captain with her beak. He was too quick though; her strike rent only air.


	25. Shanty

**Shanty: a song with an alternating solo and chorus, of a kind originally sung by sailors while performing physical labour together**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Sesehihihihihi! The insanity is growing, and we've no way of knowing how far it will be going... And yeah, Jones wonders that too. She's sure gonna try, at any rate.**

 **Taiski: This probably isn't what you meant, but hopefully still fun regardless.**

 **EvilpuppyofDoom: Sort of, I guess? What is a Sherlock Scan?**

 **gamelover41592: Well, I need to start building Robin's trust and belief, so telling her early was the smart move. As for starting your favourite saga... Eheheheh, not just yet. Sorry.**

 **Draco Oblivion: *shrugs and grins* What can I say? Sometimes you need a needle, other times you need a sledgehammer. The trick is knowing when to use what, and it's something I have a lot of experience with. And believe it or not, I didn't mean to ship-tease Jones/Smoker. It just kind of happened.**

 **Awareness Bringer: Oh, don't worry, she will.**

 **Resisting the Borg: I'm glad to satisfy your need for cuddly. As long as doing so doesn't actually involve me hugging people.**

 **Gerbilfriend: You're welcome. And I'm sorry I got a song stuck in your head.**

 **tylermech66: Yes, Jones really should find a way to make that clear. The problem is, it involves having a conversation with Lisa that she's not comfortable with, not being the girl's mother or aunt or anything.**

 **Anime no Akuma: Thank you very much. And don't worry, I don't plan to end things at Jaya. I have plans up to Film: Gold so far; I'm gonna take this to the end. And beyond.**

 **kuriboh1233: You know what? New standing rule for this fic. If I don't specifically state that Jones gave someone her snail number, assume she did so offscreen, because I meant to but missed it because I have a lot on my mind. If I do specifically show Jones giving someone her number, expect it to be important enough to the plot that I remembered and gave it a scene. Heheheh... *rubs head sheepishly* Sorry about that.**

 **Twilight0Wanderer: Nah, I think Sabo's just a better teacher than Ace in general. *rubs head sheepishly* Sorry about the chemistry thing; I haven't done it in years, so while I remember certain things, there are plenty I forget or get mixed up. And wow— the idea of giving Johnny and Yosaku exploding salts... *evil grin* I might do that in the future. Thank you. And yes, writing the ballroom and drunk scenes was a lot of fun. I'm glad people like them. The code... Yeah, I need to have them do that. It would be very useful. And fun, sometimes. Maybe Robin can be in charge of that, since Jones has a million other projects on her mind. As for Jaya... Sorry, but you'll have to look forward to it for a while longer. Got a couple other things up my sleeves first.**

 **xanothos: Thank you very much!**

 **Dragondancer81: *strikes good guy pose* YOSH! THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MY MOST YOUTHFUL READER!**

 **GreenDrkness: Thank you. *grins* I see London, I see France, I stole Smokey's underpants! *now wishing I'd thought to include this in the last chapter***

 **bookloverinfinity: Bounties? I have a bet going with some friends about whether I can get to Sabaody without getting bounties. We'll see whether I manage that, or whether I stumble around Ennies Lobby.**

 **Insanity Lord: Well, according to a Senpai of mine from ninjutsu, hangovers go away faster with physical activity, and I'm pretty sure running from Smoker and getting a ship ready to sail count. Then again, having never actually been drunk myself, I have no way of knowing if he was pulling my leg. My apologies.**

 **Ninuhuju: *grins and bows* Thank you.**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Eh... Yeah, there's a few unexpected additions left. I know, I know— don't make the crew to big, otherwise it'll cause problems with a lack of focus. It's hard, yeah, but I'm working on it and I think I can manage. And I just have so many fun things planned. Thank you— I'm glad my story is good enough that people are willing to consider it even if it's not a genre they usually read.**

 **Azurai Wolf: Thank you very much. And yeah, updates do come faster right now; I'm unemployed. Currently searching for a job, but no luck yet.**

 **NightmareKnight1: Yeah, you're not the only one. But I couldn't think of anything to add that would give any more closure, so... *shrugs* I'm still learning; sometimes I goof.**

 **starelight: My depression tends to cycle in two-to-three year periods. Jones will have some down episodes based on events that occur around/to her, but as for a day where she just wakes up feeling that way... Unless there's something else involved (illness, certain types of stress), it's possible she won't have something like that until after the timeskip. Then again, the period containing Jaya, Skypiea, and G8 is very stressful...**

 **FairyGirl960: Thank you very much.**

 **AgentDreamX: Thank you very much. And the similarity to Jack Sparrow was exactly what I was going for.**

 **Barid: I've given up trying to tell people who they're supposed to ship. Partially because certain scenes will turn into shiptease no matter how I do them. Go ahead and ship whatever you want— for now. There are actual romance plans in the works though, so I apologize, but some ships will be sunk in the future.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: No, it never occurred to me to give Jones the Gamer ability. Despite all her D &D references, it's more fun for me writing her like a mini Deadpool. Plus, I didn't know what that ability was until you asked about it and I looked it up.**

 **Kakusei: *snickers* I enjoy planting my ideas in the left field. They seem to grow better there for some reason; maybe it's the insanity in the water, or the BS I fertilize them with. *grins* Thank you very much!**

 **Fencer22: Oooh, a late vote on the rap battle. I think you just broke the tie for second between me and Evan too, unless he has late votes as well. Thank you. *rus head sheepishly* Yeah, I know drama isn't my strong point. But if my characters are, I'm glad they make this story worth reading. As for future stories... This one's priority, but I may be working on a couple SIs in other fandoms someday.**

 **GildedGhost: Thank you very much! I've found that the best way to keep Jones from being bland is just to be myself. I'm smart and I can fight, but I'm also terrified of people, and overall, I'm weird. Not enough that you notice at first, but if you talk to me long enough, you'll notice I have a few screws loose... Or missing entirely. And the absentmindedness helps too; probably my biggest flaw, it can be both amusing and a huge pain in the ass. As for your worry over what would happen if certain major players found out about Jones... She's starting to realize that could be a problem too, although for different reasons at the moment.**

 **Shugopop: *bows and grins* I'm glad to entertain. And I loved that line as well.**

 **Anon-45: Thank you. That's part of what I was going for. I also like the triple-layered symbolism of it.**

 _I was back in my high school physics classroom. Numbers swam before my eyes, making zero sense. I'd always been better with concepts than math. Square root of what? How did that relate to the energy of…? I didn't get it. Sketching out a free-body diagram helped- right up until my teacher glanced over my shoulder. "What's that Jonesie?"_

 _"Free-body diagram." Couldn't he see that? He was the one who'd taught us how to draw them._

 _"Of_ what? _" My teacher shook his head. A thick finger traced woogedy lines and criss-crossing arrows. "The unit we're working on doesn't use free-body diagrams."_

 _I drooped and sank into my seat as he walked away. But… But it made more sense this way. I needed to_ see _things, to_ touch _them for them to make sense. Sighing, I continued what I was doing. Just because he said this unit_ didn't _use free-body diagrams didn't mean I_ couldn't _. That said… I couldn't wait to get to biology class. Next period. We were dissecting pigs today; that would be_ much _more fun than trying to figure out physics. Physics sucked._

… _Beep…_

The dream I had last night stick in my head as I practiced with my powers, making me laugh. Oh, teenage me… What would you have said if you could see me now? I know we hated physics class, but by all the gods, I was glad we'd taken it. I wouldn't be able to do _nearly_ as much with my powers if we hadn't stuck it out.

Rain ran into my eyes, plastering my hair to my forehead. I was clinging to the side of the mast in the middle of a storm. Not usually the brightest idea, I agree, but Nami had assured me there wouldn't be any lightning. So I grinned up at the dark clouds and stuck tighter to the wet wood. I always loved the rain…

Eventually my focus ran out, and with it, my ability to control friction. I dropped from the mast, landing heavily on the deck and glancing over at Nami's hourglass. Looked like about forty-five minutes. Five more minutes than yesterday. I grinned. Excellent. Now, next force. Raising my hands, I took a deep breath and prepared for the technique. "For-!"

"If you drop the air pressure while I'm busy taking measurements, Jones, you _really_ won't like what happens." Nami glanced up from her mapmaking and pointed at a barometer on the corner of her desk. The umbrella that was keeping her papers dry rocked slightly in the breeze. I lowered my hands, sheepish.

"Sorry…" Alright. Well, there were still other forces I could practice with. Actually, with Jaya looming over my head… Yeah, it might be a good idea to get a better handle on gravity. It was one of the properties of _his_ fruit after all; best to be able to hold him at bay a bit. Scrambling off, I went looking for two of the best training partners I could hope for on the ship. At the moment, at least. "Ace! Zoro! I need your help with something!"

Putting down his weights with a sigh, the bosun glanced at me from his position by the rail. "What is it?"

"We have an opponent coming up soon whose fruit allows him some level of manipulation of gravity. Since my fruit similarly allows manipulation of gravity and the main method of fighting this guy involves _not touching him_ , I need to practice with gravity so I can keep him from pulling people in." Of course, my powers only seemed to affect things I was touching, so I could probably only protect one or two people at once, but that would still be better than nothing.

"Alright. What do you need the fireball for though?"

I paused and thought for a moment. "Well, I suppose it doesn't _have_ to be Ace. But I need to practice fighting as a team with people while screwing with gravity, so we need a third."

"Shitty Fireball's on the snail right now," Sanji informed me, lighting a cigarette as he approached. "He's calling the shitty phoenix to tell him to meet us at Jaya."

"Oh." Well, I didn't want to disturb that. Having Marco, Namur, and Haruta around could only help my plans. "Well, you'll do then."

Zoro and Sanji both shot me flat looks at that. They spoke in unison, creating an eerie, irritated echo. Although I couldn't really tell if it was me or each other they were irritated with.

"You want the _shit cook_ to help? I'd rather spar with the war dog!"

"You want me to work with _Moss-Head_? No way Jonesie, not a chance!"

I scowled and folded my arms. "I need to practice this with people who are _significantly_ stronger than me so I actually have a chance of _using_ it in what's coming up. Ace is on the snail, Ghin's busy in the rigging, and Luffy's sleeping off his midnight watch. That pretty much leaves you two- Usopp and Nami are best at range, and I can beat Johnny and Yosaku if I can separate them."

"What about Robin?" Zoro demanded, "You seem to trust her. Or Lisa, or Chopper, or Drifter and Geier?"

"In order," I ticked them off on my fingers as I listed the reasons, "Robin's a stealth operative, not a frontline fighter; Lisa's mainly support and busy practicing how to throw a proper punch anyway; Chopper's playing floor hockey with Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku and _like Hell_ am I getting in the way of that; and Drifter and Geier… Well…"

Jerking a thumb over my shoulder, I drew Zoro and Sanji's attention to the poop deck. Geier was perched on a rail shrieking at Ruatha, her feathers fluffed up in irritation. My dragon was listening intently, but didn't appear to have any idea what the vulture was saying. Off to the side, Drifter was laughing his furry ass off, chittering up a storm with his Stetson askew. "I'm not exactly sure, but I think they're trying to teach my baby how to fly?" Which was something I'd been dreading trying, so I was glad someone who knew what they were doing had joined the crew.

Groaning, Sanji blew a series of smoke rings. "Fine. I'll work with Moss-Head if you think it's so important. But I'm not happy about it. What do you need me to do?"

"You and Zoro are gonna spar; I'll be hopping around doing my own thing, playing with forces to try and help or hinder you. And don't worry," I grinned, "I'll switch sides periodically to keep it fair."

Looking back at Zoro revealed that the bosun had his bandanna tied around his head and was in the process of drawing his swords. He smirked around the hilt of _Wado Ichimonji_. "I dunno Shit Cook; this actually sounds like a pretty good plan to me."

"That's only cause I haven't kicked your ass yet." So saying, Sanji launched himself at Zoro, a flying side kick. The bosun blocked with two swords, uncrossing them rapidly to fire the cook back.

I jumped as high as I could as Sanji stepped in with a rapid flurry of mid-level kicks, reducing the force of gravity on myself as I did so. It didn't allow me to float like Miss Valentine- possibly because I lacked a parasol- but it slightly increased the height of the jump and _greatly_ increased the length of time it took me to come down. I managed to get high enough that when I descended I landed on Zoro's shoulders- right at the moment he thrust _Yubashiri_ forwards, forcing Sanji to drop to the ground. My presence caused Zoro to falter for a moment, allowing Sanji to get a kick in as the cook flipped back to his feet. A steel-toed shoe made heavy contact with the bosun's ribs; Zoro staggered back.

"Keppler's Law!" I increased the force of gravity on Zoro and myself as the bosun attacked again. He grunted in surprise, but adjusted rather well- probably all the weight training. Even if he could move though, it was noticeably slower. Sanji easily dodged twin horizontal strikes due to the suddenly sluggish attack speed.

Releasing my manipulation of gravity, I jumped off of Zoro's shoulders and ducked out of the way as he and Sanji suddenly struck each other at once, swords and shoes meeting with a tremendous clash. And then a thought occurred, as I scrabbled out from between them, splashing through the puddles on the deck. Gravity was just the force of attraction between two objects- there was gravity between _all_ things, not just planets and whatever was on top of them. It was just usually negligible. So _theoretically_ , even if I could only affect myself and what I was touching, I should be able to alter _my own_ gravity to draw objects towards me.

That was how Blackbeard's gravity techniques worked, after all.

"Keppler's Law!"

Both Sanji and Zoro staggered in surprise at the sudden pull. I ramped my personal gravity just as they became locked foot-to-swords, forcing both of them to break stance in order to resist being drawn towards me. They still managed to keep fighting as I did so, with Zoro slicing the buttons off of Sanji's powder blue dress shirt, and Sanji kicking Zoro in the collarbone had enough to leave a vaguely foot-shaped bruise. Unfortunately, gravity is a bit indiscriminate- by turning up my personal gravity, I drew more than the bosun and cook towards me.

 _Merry_ 's mast creaked and started to bend. Ghin cursed as he was drawn down out of the rigging by a force he wasn't used to, landing beside me with a heavy thud. Nami's tangerine trees began to slide slowly across the deck, as did her desk. Her umbrella bowed noticeably in my direction. Any pens, papers, or tools the sailing master wasn't holding came much more quickly, flying through the air towards me as if they'd been dropped and were falling- which was essentially what had happened. Blood running cold, I quickly released my hold on the force before it could do any actual damage. There was another loud creak as _Merry_ 's mast straightened- luckily I hadn't bent her too far. The pens that had been flying at me fell to the deck with a clatter.

 _That_ was when Zoro and Sanji paused in their fighting, freezing mid-technique to turn and look at me. Sanji's cigarette fell out of his mouth. "We're gonna be fighting someone who does _that?_ " Even the _rain_ tapered off after he spoke, as if it too was startled by this revelation.

"Not exactly." I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "We're gonna be fighting someone who does that _much_ better than I can, and who's lived years in the New World on the crew of the world's strongest pirate. And who can neutralize Devil Fruit powers while touching people."

While Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin all stared at me in disbelief, I went over to the rail and patted it. Shouldn't have done that- not on the ship. I hadn't _thought_ \- but when Blackbeard used gravity techniques, they drew _everything_ in. Destructively. I should've realized that trying something like that on board the ship could've damaged her. And I was hoping to find a way to _save_ her, too. "I'm sorry _Merry_ ; so sorry…"

A line unravelled somewhere above. Falling down, it flicked me in the forehead before coming to rest on my shoulder. Ghin grumbled and sighed as he got to his feet.

"This has got to be the _weirdest_ ship I've ever worked on. Lines always coming undone everywhere… An anchor that fouls about twice as often as is likely… But she never seems to get too far off course." Shaking his head, the rigger, grabbed the line that had fallen on my shoulder and began making his way up into the rigging to return it to its proper place.

Sanji danced like a noodle, hearts in his eyes. "That's because Nami dear does such an excellent job!"

Speaking of our wonderful sailing master… Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of glowing red from behind Nami's desk. Click. _Click_. I turned to face that direction just as Nami snapped her _Clima-Tact_ together. And she looked _furious_. " _Jones_ … You wrecked my _map_."

 _Tabarnak_. Okay, playing with gravity while on the ship was a _really_ bad idea. Lesson learned. "Sorry!" I bowed low, unable to meet Nami's glowing red eyes. "It was an accident, I swear! I didn't know what would happen!"

But I _should've_ , and Nami knew it too. "You didn't know what would happen if you suddenly made _yourself_ the biggest enter of gravity in a hundred meters? You didn't _think_ that _might_ pull _everything_ towards you like a three-dimensional whirlpool?" The _Clima-Tact_ was suddenly aimed at my head. "I was almost done and now I have to start over! Idiot! Thunder Tempo!"

A small bolt of lightning snapped towards me. I knew it wouldn't be enough to do any real damage… But I still hated the way it felt. My whole body stiffened and went numb as the shock hit my shoulder, sending me crashing down on my back on the deck. "Ow… _Nami_ , I already said I was sorry!"

"I know, I know." Wow… The sailing master still looked angry, but she was calming down at a remarkable rate. "But dammit Jones, you need to learn to _think_. You _have_ a brain, unlike some people on this ship; why do you only use it to torment, terrify, and turn enemies? It's not just about the map- what if you'd sunk the _Going Merry_?"

"Because I'm a goal-oriented idiot." Rising slowly, I rubbed my shoulder. "I didn't mean to… And I'd sooner cut off my arm than lose _Merry_." Hopefully Murphy didn't hear that, or I'd be going the way of a Skywalker in the second movie of a trilogy.

Nami opened her mouth- probably to say that was a little extreme, no matter how much I loved our ship- but she was interrupted before she could say anything by Ghin's voice from atop the mainmast. "Land ho!"

What? That couldn't be right! I ran to the bow and squinted off into the distance. Sure enough, there was a thin band of brown and grey on the horizon. An island. But… But we hadn't had the falling ship almost land on us yet! Surely nothing I'd done could've butterflied _that_ away. Actually… I was more likely to have brought it on us _faster_ , if we'd been approaching Jaya while I'd been playing with gravity. Conclusion: this wasn't Jaya. I let out a little sigh of relief at that, since I didn't think we were ready yet. And I still needed to get Sanji to teach me how to make cherry pie. So… What filler had my writer thrown our way this time?

Sanji huffed and leaned on the rail, lighting a fresh cigarette. "We could use some more bacon," he observed drily. "And pork chops and ground beef and steak and mutton chops and sausage and bananas and cabbage and pork ribs and-!"

Zoro rolled his eyes and sheathed his swords with a clink. "Yeah, we get it- Luffy snuck in and ate all the meat again. But where'd the bananas and cabbage go?"

Drooping, Sanji pointed at me. "Bananas get mushy quickly anyways, so that's not unusual, but _someone_ likes sauerkraut. A lot. Which I didn't take into my calculations when we were shopping in Alabasta."

"Hey!" I raised my hands defensively. "It's good with just about any meat that doesn't already have sauce- plus anything where the sauce is mustard-based."

Lisa, approaching from where she'd been training on the other side of the ship, stuck out her tongue in disgust. "Eww… Jones, you're gross and you have no taste buds."

"Just because I can't cook doesn't mean I have no taste buds!" Although she was probably right, given my history. "And sauerkraut is good for you."

Up on the poop deck, Drifter paused momentarily from laughing at Geier and Ruatha. The otter held up a sign. _Jones can have my share of the sauerkraut if she likes._ Forever. _Cabbage is disgusting in any form._

"You're a carnivore, shitty River Dog," Sanji growled. "I'm not gonna bother making a share of veggies for you when you neither like nor need them."

 _Good. But you better still make me a share of anything that involves carrots- I actually_ like _those. Fruit too. And if you use my being a carnivore as an excuse to lessen my access to the maple syrup stash, we_ will _have problems._

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Sanji waved a hand and headed for the whipstaff to bring us in to port.

Luffy bounced sleepily up from the men's cabin as Ace emerged from the galley. "Land?" was the captain's one-word question. I pointed to the horizon in answer. Grinning widely, Luffy climbed onto his brother's back. "Land ho! I smell adventure!"

Ace shook his head and reached up to pat his little brother's head. "You _always_ smell adventure, Lu."

"That's cause anything can be an adventure if you try enough!"

The island didn't seem any more familiar as we approached. It _definitely_ wasn't Jaya, which was all I could say about it. Similar, though. A small island, covered in a busy, ramshackle town. And while it didn't scream _pirate port_ the way I was sure Jaya would, it was certainly no marine-controlled island. I could hear the parties and bar fights taking place from the _Going Merry_. Plus… Something _smelled_. Like… Rotten onions that were left in the garden through the winter and you're pulling them out _by hand_ mid-May- that level of smell. I pulled my bandanna up over my nose as we came in to dock. It didn't help.

As we drew closer, I could see people in the streets. Dozens, hundreds of them, packed together in a writhing mass I was surprised was able to fit in the town. Certainly it couldn't always be like that- there had to be some sort of event going on that drew so many people. I sighed and sank down behind the rail, curling up into a little ball with my chin on my knees. A weight appeared in my chest rather suddenly- I didn't particularly want to be dealing with a large number of people at the moment. "Dibs on guarding the ship!"

Nami raised an eyebrow as she glanced in my direction. "Why-? Oh. Crowds. But I thought you were getting better with that sort of thing? You didn't seem too badly off at the party in Alabasta."

"Some days are always better than others." I fought the urge to cover my ears with my hands as noise of the town became louder and louder. Proximity wasn't my friend. "Alabasta was a good day. Today… Today the thought of strangers makes me feel like my head might explode."

…

Nope, the temptation to cover my ears was too strong. I gave in, my hands muffling the conflicting, overlapping sounds of music and brawling and yelling and laughing. I couldn't- without my hands over my ears, my brain couldn't separate out one auditory cue to focus on; everything smashed into me at once. I groaned. I _hated_ when this happened, and it had come out of nowhere.

Luffy pouted at me from his post on Ace's shoulders. "But if Jones stays back to guard the ship, she'll miss all the cool adventures!" His eyes narrowed accusingly. "Or is this a boring yucky island and Jones knows so she doesn't want to go?"

I shook my head, hands still glued to my ears. "No. Or maybe. I dunno. This island wasn't in the manga or the anime; it could be a movie, or a video game… Or my writer may be just making up an original sidequest. Hard to tell. All I can say is that it's _probably_ not boring, but even that's not certain."

A whale spouted somewhere aft of the _Going Merry_ as Luffy considered my words. I was mildly surprised; even though he appeared to be thinking hard, his face wasn't turning red. Eventually, his eyes lit up. "So this is a part of the adventure where Jones doesn't know what's gonna happen? That means you _have_ to come!"

"But then, who'll guard the ship?" I protested weakly.

Luffy thought for a moment more, then shook his head. " _Merry_ 's fine on her own. It'll only be for a few hours, I promise! _Merry_ can look after herself that long!" A line somewhere above came undone as the captain made his declaration, falling to drape across his head. Up in the rigging, Ghin growled an incoherent string of explicatives.

Opening my mouth to form fresh protests, I paused when both Nami and Ace started shaking their heads. The sailing master shot me an exasperated look. "Jones… I know you're good at arguing, and you're a stubborn idiot, but do you _really_ think you can get _Luffy_ to back down once he's made a decision?"

"If I can just outla-!"

"Even if _you_ have the stubbornness and patience to wait him out- something I wouldn't be so confident about," Ace cut in, "The rest of us don't. Just give up and accept that you're on the receiving end for once- you're not leaving this island without visiting it any more than I'm leaving this crew before whatever you've planned for _Teach_." The freckled pirate spat the name of his former crew mate.

"Fine…" Hmm… Actually… Had I picked up earplugs back in Loguetown? I thought I had, but I'd never had cause to use them, so I wasn't sure. They might help a bit… And something thick and fluffy to wear, so my back didn't feel so vulnerable. "Just let me get my coat."

"But it's a spring… island…" Nami shrugged helplessly as I walked past her, headed for the cargo hold.

"He shoots, he scores!" A ball whizzed past my ribs as I climbed down the ladder, thunking into a makeshift net someone had hung between two barrels. Chopper spun around in a celebratory dance not far away, his hockey stick held above his head. Behind the doctor, Usopp stood ramrod straight and rubbed his nose as he grinned at a panting Johnny and Yosaku.

"I told you we'd beat you," the gunner informed the hunters. "Chopper's got hockey in his blood."

Wincing, Yosaku put a hand on the side of his chest. "I claim injury. Still not a hundred percent."

Chopper immediately went from celebrating to concerned. "Are you okay? Sorry Yosaku… I tried not to do anything that would aggravate your injuries, but I was having so much fun. Sorry…"

"It's fine, it's fine." The green hunter waved the reindeer off. "Just need to sit down for a minute." Yosaku turned his words into action even as he spoke them, perching himself on a crate and leaning back against the wall. Johnny sat beside him, forehead creased in worry.

And, well, the truth was that Yosaku _wasn't_ healing particularly well. He was up and about, sure, and he could spar or play a bit if no one got too rough with him, but the burns from fighting Mr Five were slow to leave. Not just slow either; even the ones that had already closed completely had left behind a complex web of raised, whitish scars. He brushed it off every time anyone said anything though. And he _had_ been getting better, slowly. Eventually he'd be alright.

"What's the score?" I asked as I headed to my corner to retrieve my coat. Everyone's faces immediately brightened.

"Eight-three," Chopper announced proudly. "We're all getting so much better! I can't wait to play hockey on ice again though!" The reindeer's face reddened; he popped into Brain Point and wrung his hooves sheepishly. "Um… We _will_ go to more winter islands, right Jones?"

"At least one, maybe two- that I know of." I shrugged into my coat. It was a fair bit warmer than warranted by the weather, but it helped with some of the sensory overload. I started digging around in my utility belt to see if I had any earplugs. "But I don't know everything. We're coming in to port at an unknown island now, as a matter of fact."

"Unknown island?!" All four hockey players scrambled up to the deck, even Yosaku appearing to forget his pain. Three looked eager; Usopp looked like this was the worst news I could've given him. I placed a hand on his shoulder as we emerged onto the deck.

"You okay Usopp? You look kinda pale."

"Wha-?! It's nothing." The gunner moved as if to brush me off- then slumped when I shot him a flat look. "Okay… It's- I know you never give us spoilers if you can avoid it, and things don't always go the way you seem to expect, but… It's reassuring when I know you have _some_ idea what's going on. Even if you don't know exactly… Between Luffy being so strong and you knowing so much, I guess I'm always confident everything'll turn out alright."

Oh. _Oh_. I squeezed Usopp's shoulder reassuringly. "You don't need to be worried. Just because I don't know what's coming doesn't mean we won't get through it just fine. You guys got through everything just fine without me here, and there were a lot fewer of you."

"Even-?"

"Yeah, even you." I grinned- which was probably more unnerving than reassuring- and shook Usopp gently. Hmmm… Maybe a minor spoiler would help cheer him up- nothing about upcoming adventures, just a little personal thing. "You may not be as strong as everyone else, but you're still a great pirate. One of the last islands I saw in the story… You had just earned the title 'God Usopp.' How's that for doing fine?"

" _ **AAAIIIYEEE?!**_ " Usopp's jaw dropped to the deck. " _ **GOD?!**_ WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!"

"Sorry, can't answer that one. Spoilers." My grin broadened. "All I can say is that you'll get there by practicing what you do best. And I'll help you train if you like, to make sure you earn that title once again."

Picking his jaw up, Usopp paled further. "I'm _not_ sparring with you and Ghin in the evenings, if that's what you're suggesting! Or even if you're with Johnny and Yosaku- I don't have a melee weapon!"

"Blatant lies," I chirped. "You have your hammers. But that wasn't what I was suggesting at all. I was thinking we'd try and work on your Kenbunshoku Haki."

"I'm not blindfolding myself and letting you hit me either!" Usopp shook my hand off and stepped away. I shook my head.

"Again, not what I'm suggesting, although it's similar. You're a sniper, not a melee combatant; it's more useful for you to blindfold yourself and then _you_ try and hit _me_. From the crow's nest."

"Oh." Usopp relaxed. "That makes sense, I guess. Sure. Just… Make sure Nami won't kill me if I accidentally get her with a marble."

"Easy enough." I waved his concerns away. "We'll just do it when she's working Haki exercises with Chopper, Johnny, and Yosaku. I hope you don't mind sharing me with Lisa, Drifter, Geier, and Ruatha though. Not sure about my baby, but the others all expressed interest in learning too."

Usopp nodded. "Sure, sure. I don't mind. Have- has anyone had any breakthroughs yet?"

"Unless you count Luffy's Fists of Love becoming ever more painful, not yet."

X

Once the _Going Merry_ was safely docked, our crew moved out as a unit. The first stop was the market, where we quickly cleaned out several merchants of their supplies. Some of the locals stared and grumbled, but… Well, nobody in their right minds would argue when Sanji, Zoro, and Ghin were all glaring at them, Luffy was drooling, and Nami was haggling like a devil with a merchant who was nearly in tears. Seriously, the one butcher hid his face in his apron and _sobbed_ as we left.

After we'd taken everything back to the ship, we went out to a bar not far from the shore. It was even louder in there than in the rest of the town. So many people pressed close in an enclosed space, most of them smelling of spilled beer as they yelled and laughed at each other, their voices echoing off the walls… My coat was stifling, but I didn't want to take it off. Even with it on, the sensory overload was getting to be too much. I sunk as deeply into the fluffy fabric as I could, grabbing the hand of my nearest crew mate as Ruatha climbed onto my shoulders and wrapped his tail around my- well, he was large enough now that he preferred wrapping it around my ribs to my arm. And he had to place one foot on each shoulder now, instead of perching like a parrot on one side. My baby was getting so big…

It was Robin's hand I grabbed. She glanced down at me, startled. My face heated up; I dropped her hand like it was a hot coal.

"Sorry… I- Sometimes I don't do so well in crowded places- especially bars. It's better if I stick close to someone, but if…" I trailed off and shrugged, trying to sink even further into my coat. It wasn't possible, but Ruatha helpfully rested his head on top of mine and spread his wings, hiding my face.

"I see…" Robin paused thoughtfully. "You didn't seem to be so badly off in Alabasta."

"Once Smoker got to me, no. I was busy trying to get into his head- and later stealing his underwear… Remind me never to drink unknown substances again. But I _did_ start the party by hiding behind a curtain."

The archaeologist shrugged. "I didn't see any of that. Remember, right before the ceremony, you told Ace to take me somewhere so we wouldn't get caught by the marines. I had a lovely evening in the palace library- the Nefertari family has some interesting books about the origins of the World Government. Although I'm not sure how much of the account was true…"

Robin lapsed into silence for a moment. Then, without any warning, she reached out and brushed her hand against mine. Not holding, no… But inviting me to do grab her hand again if I needed. My eyes stretched wide as I looked up at her, stinging as my surprise stretched them a little too far. "You…"

"I know what it feels like to be terrified of people," Robin smiled, deliberately mirroring my words to her about joining the crew. "Although usually it's because I'm worried someone will try and capture me and hand me over to the government."

Lacing my fingers through hers, I forced a reassuring smile as Ruatha folded his wings and stopped shadowing my face. "We won't let that happen, you know. Never. You're one of us now."

Zoro had found us a table in the back corner of the bar. We converged on it like a swarm of locusts- although without the eating everything in sight part. And if there'd been anything _edible_ in sight, I wouldn't even be able to say that. Luffy was hungry. But then again, when wasn't he? Robin's hand trembled slightly as we sat down around the table. "How can you be so sure? You're so certain, and while I _have_ to accept that you know things that should be impossible, it still makes no sense."

"It won't mean as much if I tell you beforehand. You have to see and understand it yourself."

Robin didn't answer. I released her hand when a barmaid came to take our orders, placing my hands in my lap and focusing on my breathing and the feel of my earplugs. I stared at the table and hoped none of the drunk people would pay attention to us- a tall order when our crew included a humanoid reindeer, otter, a vulture, and a dragon the size of a medium-sized dog. Robin pulled her cowboy hat down over her face and tilted her head forward, making her face hard to see. Ace, though also wanted, took no such precautions

Then again, who in Paradise would challenge the second division commander of the Whitebeard Pirates?

A barmaid came to take our orders; I think Sanji choked on his own blood when he caught a glimpse of her outfit. I mean… Sheesh, that scrap of orange fabric barely counted as a bodice. The barmaid chuckled, a bemused smile on her face, when the majority of the crew ordered milk and virgin drinks. Zoro, Nami, and Ghin were the only ones who ordered alcohol- strong sake, rum, and gin, respectively. I snickered at Ghin's choice of drink, refusing to explain myself when he shot me a questioning look.

Ruatha leaned over my head and tried to steal a sip of my piña colada when it came. The barmaid laughed, quickly covering her mouth and schooling her expression into a pleasant smile as she handed Drifter and Geier their milk. I had to give her credit- not many people, Grand Line or no, would've been able to serve the animals at the table without question. The otter held up a sign with his thanks scrawled on it as the girl nodded and left.

"So…" Johnny asked, fidgeting. "How long's it take for the pose to set around here?"

"Not sure," Nami said absently, glancing at her log pose. "Why? Something making you nervous?"

"No. But Big Sis Jones looks like she's gonna hock up her lunch if we have to stay here for too long." The blue hunter was promptly swatted over the head by his partner.

"You shouldn't say things like that," Yosaku admonished with a wince. "It's rude."

Johnny looked sheepish. "Sorry Bro. Sorry Big Sis."

I waved one hand in a _don't worry about it_ manner. Damn… We really _did_ need hand signs. It would certainly make it easier for me at times like this, when I didn't trust myself to talk much. So hot… I leaned back against the wall- I'd situated myself right in the corner, so no one could get around behind me. To my left, Robin pulled a small book out of her pocket and started to read. I glanced at the title, but it was in a language I didn't understand.

For the next several minutes, I focused on my drink and my dragon, trying to block out the sounds all around me. It was- It had been a while since I'd had a day this bad. Before coming to the _One Piece_ world, I think. Not the day I'd… My scars twinged at the thought. Not that day, but maybe a week or so before. Having my crew mates around helped in some ways, but also contributed to the auditory overstimulation. Especially Luffy, as he loudly whined about wanting something cool to happen and being hungry as he clung alternately to Ace and Zoro.

"Shut it, Shitty Captain," Sanji huffed. From the jerking motion and confused look that followed, I think he kicked Luffy in the shin under the table. "We just had lunch before we made land; you can wait a couple hours for dinner."

"But… _Fine_ …" Luffy pouted when Ace whispered something in his ear. Zoro, Sanji, and Nami looked at the freckled pirate in awe.

"What did you say to him?"

Ace leaned back on a wall and pushed his hat back, folding his arms and smirking. "Told him I'd help him train later if he behaved. Show him some tricks I picked up from Pops."

Zoro whistled; Sanji bit hard on the butt of his cigarette. Nami pulled out the notebook I'd given her for Haki notes to scribble something down. "Wow… I can't believe it's possible to motivate Luffy the same way as Zoro or Jones. Training, eh?"

"Probably only works for me," Ace yawned. "You're his crew; I'm his big brother."

Nami looked disappointed at that. Crossing out part of what she'd just written, the sailing master put her notebook away and sighed. Robin smiled- but also looked a bit confused. "Is motivating the captain really such an issue?"

"Not for everything… But for some things, you have no idea."

For the next few minutes, we drank in relative silence. I did my best to relax, fixing as much of my attention as I could on the table. Wood grains like worn, ancient fingerprints impressed itself into my memory; there was a dark stain from some sort of liquid near the edge. Once I was done my drink, my right hand automatically rose to fiddle with my necklace and the tip of my bandanna. Ruatha nibbled on the edge of my hat, but for once I didn't tell him off. The familiarity was reassuring.

What happened next was sort of amusing. Lisa and Nami finished their drinks in unison, thudding their glasses down with twin loud clanks. The two redheads looked at each other, with the little one cocking her head to the side. "You saw them too?"

"Of course I did," Nami replied. The sailing master rubbed her temples. Then she voiced something I'd been thinking since Alabasta. "We _really_ need to look into alternate forms of communication. Hand signs, maybe a written or verbal code… I'd suggest all three, but I'm not sure some of the boneheads on this crew could handle it."

Zoro growled in protest. Luffy let out a yelp at the same moment. "Oi! What's that mean Nami?"

"It means you wouldn't know subtlety if it slapped you upside the head!" Nami snapped, crumpling a napkin into a ball and bouncing it off Luffy's head. "We need ways of communicating that marines and other crews won't be able to pick up, but I'm not sure you'd have the mental capacity to learn!"

"Stingy…" Luffy pouted. "I _could_ \- I remember stuff if it's cool or important. Secret codes are cool! But… Why'd we need them right _now_?"

Lisa leaned in close and hissed quietly. "Because weird people keep coming by and showing the barkeeper something, then he leads them into a back room. Wouldn't be out of place in a higher-end club, but it's weird for a place like this. Especially since the door's concealed."

Drifter frowned and held up a sign. _Even knowing you were a Baroque Works agent and are no ordinary twelve-year-old, I am disturbed by how well-versed you are in the workings of criminal activities in bars._

Shrugging, the little painter fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "Three trained me in a lot of espionage and investigation type things. I didn't like it, but since we were more a planning team than a combat team…"

Nami nodded. "Personally, I think it's some sort of unlicensed gambling ring or something. We could make a lot of money there if we played our cards right- assuming we could get in."

"I thought we had lots of money," Chopper said quietly. Nami hummed.

"We do- for now. But between our medical expenses, food, Jones' tendency for clothing damage, and Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku's experiments, it'll run out faster than you'd think. And I refuse to be a broke pirate. Any opportunity to get money is one we should take."

Usopp frowned. "But whatever it is… How do we get in?"

"Just leave that to me," Nami told him with a mischievous smirk. The sailing master rose and left our table, heading up to the bar. She adjusted her shirt on the way, tugging it up, down, and around in a way that showed a fair bit more abdomen and cleavage than before. When she was talking to the bartender- too quietly for the rest of us to hear, on the other end of the room as we were- she leaned forwards onto her elbows on the polished wood. I had no illusions about where the bartender's eyes were focusing as they spoke.

Nami returned a few minutes later, looking smug. "He says he'll let us in, but not to blame him if things go horribly wrong. And he told me the password to give at the end too."

Luffy beamed and thumped one fist into his opposite palm. "That's all we need then! Silly bartender; things don't go wrong. They just get interesting!" Ah, our captain the optimist.

Ace sighed and shook his head. "Do you even know where we're going, Lu?"

"Of course! We're going on an adventure!"

Geier hissed and jumped up on Zoro's shoulder as we rose as a unit and headed for the bar. There wasn't a lot of room for her to fly in here, and she wasn't fond of walking if she could avoid it- vultures can hop around better than some birds, but it still looks funny and is undignified as Hell. The bosun scowled as sharp talons pricked through his clothing, but said nothing. Although when Drifter climbed up on his other shoulder, a green eyebrow rose.

Shrugging, the otter held up a sign. _What? I'm a Hell of a lot smaller than you hosers; I might get stepped on_.

The bartender led us into the storage room and to a hidden door disguised as a giant barrel. He handed Sanji a lantern before opening the door for us. "I wish you kids would reconsider, but if you really want to go through… I wish you good luck."

That made Usopp nervous. "Wait- what's that supposed to mean?!" The gunner's knees started shaking. But the bartender didn't answer him; just closed the door behind us as we went in, leaving us in darkness except for the light of the tiny lantern.

It was a long tunnel, with walls hewn roughly out of brown stone. Damp and cool; it was like being in a mine. I ran my hand over the rocks as we walked, feeling the strange mix of roughness and slickness. It was totally quiet except for the sounds of our footsteps and the occasional drip of water. Like a mine with no machinery. After the sensory overload outside, this was a welcome change. I loved it, even if Chopper and Usopp were clinging to each other and jumping every time a drop of water splashed on the floor.

Robin smiles when one particularly large drop fell on the back of Johnny's head, sending him leaping to Yosaku's arms- only to remember at the last moment that his partner was still injured, try to redirect himself, and end up faceplanting into Ghin's back. "It _is_ a rather creepy tunnel, isn't it?" Her eyes danced; her tone suggested that rather than creepy, she found the wet stone just as comforting as I did.

We walked for about fifteen minutes before we came to the end of the hallway. A man stood by the door there- a man who was not-so-subtly hiding a knife behind his back. His face paled a little when he saw Ace strolling along behind Luffy, but to his credit, the door guard didn't move from his post. Not even when Ace grinned your typical D grin and nodded in a clear show of intimidation.

Nami stepped forwards, pulling two coins out of her pocket and showed them to the guard. He relaxed, sheathing his knife and stepping to the side. "Right this way please." He opened the door with a slight, gruff bow.

As soon as the door opened, I wanted to run back into the tunnel. So _loud_. The room beyond was a multi-tiered _cavern_ , hollow-centered with rooms and balconies circling the perimeter, with the whole thing decked out as some sort of pirate-themed restaurant/bar/gaming house hybrid. And it was _full_. Crews occupied almost every table- mostly human, but there were some fishmen, longlegs, longarms, and even a couple giants down on the lowest level. One of the fishmen was an orca-breed- funny, I hadn't known they could be mammalian like that. Orcas weren't fish.

There was a small Viking longship hanging from the ceiling. Thick chains on either end suspended it on a sea of air, with long oars projecting over the sides. They didn't fall though; must've been held in by oarlocks or ropes or something. It was a nice decoration.

Robin noticed the direction of my gaze and followed it up. "Ah, yes… I thought this place looked familiar."

"You've been here before?" Johnny asked, cocking his head to the side. The archaeologist nodded.

"Yes. At one point a pirate crew I was using for transport came here- it's usually just a gambling den, but once a year… Once a year, this island is the starting point of a grand nautical race, with pirates and bounty hunters competing for a great prize. Of course," Robin smiled, "I have no idea what that prize is. The crew I was travelling with came nowhere near winning it."

A sleazy, greasy man in a pinstripe suit approached our crew. He had a blonde woman in a skimpy red dress hanging off one arm. "Never seen you kids around here before. You here to bet, or to compete?"

Luffy bounced forwards. "To compete, duh! It's more fun!"

Sighing, Nami grabbed our captain by the ear and hauled him backwards. At first he didn't move, his ear simply stretching in her grip. Then he flew back with a resounding snap, flailing as he soared past Nami and crashed into Ghin. The sailing master smiled and stepped up to the suited man.

"What our _esteemed_ captain means to say is that we'd like to enter, of course- and to bet on ourselves, if doing so is allowed."

"Of course!" The suited man's eyes lit up in an unpleasant way. Once again I wished we had a way to communicate silently. This guy's face _screamed_ that he was up to something. Thankfully, Nami spotted this too.

"On second thought, we'll just be entering. How do we sign up?"

The suited man looked disappointed, but he didn't pressure us as he showed Nami to a large book. "Just write the name and description of your ship here, and have your captain sign _here_."

Once that was done, the man handed Nami an eternal pose. "Here; this points to the goal. The race starts at dawn tomorrow. As for tonight… Entrants get free food and drink on the bottom floor- within reason."

"Yes!" Luffy did a little dance before jumping over the rail, heading for the lowest level in the fastest way he knew. The rest of us sighed. Ace paused for a brief moment, then shrugged and vaulted over the railing after his brother. Nami glanced around before the rest of us headed down the more sensible way- AKA, a nearby staircase.

"Can someone go after them please? Luffy's idea of _within reason_ is… Well, we all know Luffy."

Almost everyone let out a little chuckle at that. Sanji danced like a boiled noodle. "Don't worry Nami dear, I'll keep the shitty captain under control!" He spun around and jumped over the railing, eyes turning into pulsing hearts. Zoro rolled his eyes.

"I'll go too." The bosun glanced at me and Ghin. "Jones, War Dog- you coming?"

"S-sure."

"You bet, Moss-for-Brains."

The three of us jumped over the rail as well, falling several stories downwards. For a few seconds, I was able to forget the crowding, the noise, the overall over-stimulation. Free fall was always glorious. Whether it was a couple meters from practicing friction-climbing on the mast, or many stories from a rooftop or balcony, I loved it. So much _fun_. The only thing that could possibly be better would be flying under my own power- or Ruatha's, when he got large enough.

All too soon, my feet impacted the floor. I absorbed most of the force, bending my knees and rolling forwards to dissipate the rest. Zoro frowned, puzzled. "Don't your powers keep you from hurting yourself by falling?"

I felt myself wilting; if I'd been a cat or a dog, my ears would've laid flat. Why? Because I _really_ didn't think anyone who had no Devil Fruit and could _still_ tank a five-story fall without having to do more than bend his knees on the landing. Seriously, Zoro and Ghin didn't even roll! "Yes, my powers protect me. But that doesn't mean I should let myself get lazy. What if someone slapped seastone cuffs on me and pushed me off a wall?" Although I had to admit that pulling the occasional superhero landing just because I could was fun.

That made Zoro crack a smile. The bosun reached over and patted my head, like I was a good little child who'd just understood the importance of a kata rather than a woman five years his senior. I made a face; Zoro and Ghin both chuckled as I swatted at the former's hands.

We found Luffy, Ace, and Sanji quickly- the D brothers had already acquired a table and were ordering large quantities of food, while the cook was mediating so the poor waiters didn't faint. I plopped myself down beside my captain, back to the wall, and waited for the rest of our crew to arrive. One of the waiters glanced at me, a polite afterthought to the D brothers still clamouring for his attention. I sort of took pity on him- while I _did_ add to his growing list of orders, I picked something simple. "Could I get some fish and chips please? And chocolate ice cream?"

"Of course Miss." The waiter scurried away with his fellows.

Ghin smiled and huffed, poking me I the forehead. "Ice cream? What, are you too hot? You'd feel better if you took your coat off, you know."

"Cooler, yes. Better, no." I examined the tablecloth carefully, tracing the faded patterns on the threadbare fabric with one finder. My honorary brother grunted in acknowledgement.

"Ah. Right. Anxiety. Bad day. Well, tell me if there's anything I can do to help you calm down." Ghin sat down beside me and moved to place a hand on my arm. A chirp from Ruatha stopped him; my dragon reached down and licked the rigger's hand, prompting a wince of disgust.

The rest of our crew arrived in short order and arranged themselves around the table. When the waiters came with what Ace, Luffy, and I had already ordered, everyone else selected their own meals. Looks of exasperated disbelief crossed the faces of the three boys working the tables, making me snicker. I guess they'd thought all that food was for our whole crew, rather than most of it being for two young men. And that wasn't even counting all the other tables yelling for food and drink in ridiculous amounts. I almost felt sorry enough for them to jump up, put on an apron, and help, and it looked like Sanji felt the same.

Keyword- _almost_.

As I ate, I found my gaze drawn to a nearby table. It was the only one in sight that had only a single person, rather than an entire crew sitting around it. Tall, skinny, male; he had light brown hair, and was dressed in a yellow jacket that clashed badly with it. A top hat perched atop his head. I couldn't see his face from here- his back was to me, and he was hunched over the table, eating something. I wondered why he was by himself. Could he be competing in a sailing race all alone? That sounded… Difficult.

After a while, Johnny saw where I was looking. His eyes went wide as he followed my gaze; he elbowed Yosaku urgently. "Bro… Bro… Is that who I think it is?"

Glancing up, the green hunter froze. "I dunno… D'you think it's Shuraiya Bascud?"

"Yeah."

"Then yes, I think it's who you think it is."

Usopp frowned in confusion. "Who's Shuraiya Bascud?"

The hunters rolled their eyes in unison- although in Yosaku's case, the movement was accompanied by a wince. "Only a _famous_ Grand Line bounty hunter. The Pirate Executioner, he's called. We've been following his stories in the magazines for _years_."

Hmmm… A big-name bounty hunter in a pirate sailing race. I wondered if he was after anyone specific, or just here to catch a quick meal ticket. Either way, one to keep an eye on. But more importantly… "Magazines? I thought the only ways news got between islands were the daily paper or den-den mushi."

Yosaku shook his head. "Nah. Different organizations put out magazines too- me'n Johnny used to subscribe to one for bounty hunters. Had stories about special captures, the latest weapons, an updated bounty list… A few years ago, Shuraiya Bascud showed up as an up-and-coming rookie to watch."

Western name order, not Japanese as was common in the East Blue. Interesting. I had no idea if that would be important; probably not. Shrugging, I focused on finishing my ice cream. Just in time too. I was just finishing the last spoonful when Luffy's usual food-snatching antics spilled over to the tables near our own. He grabbed a plate of fried chicken from a nearby crew's captain, consuming it all in one rubbery gulp. The other captain took offense at this.

"Hey!" Standing up, the other captain flung furniture and people alike aside as he stomped towards Luffy. "Kid! You're gonna pay for that!" He hauled Luffy up by the back of his vest. My captain, oblivious to anything not falling into the category of _food_ , stared dumbly at the man who was holding him and swallowed what appeared to be a whole turkey, bones and all.

Ace wasn't _nearly_ as oblivious, and took a _great deal_ of offense at the manhandling of his brother. Jumping to his feet, the freckled pirate spat out a fish bone and socked the man holding Luffy in the face. "Leave Lu alone, asshole!"

Fire leapt up on the ends of his hair and in the pupils of his eyes. The man he'd punched flew backwards, smashing several tables before coming to rest, embedded several centimeters deep in the stone wall of the cavern. One of the tables smashed belonged to the Shuraiya fellow Johnny and Yosaku had pointed out. The bounty hunter rose, turning to reveal a thin face with a hook-shaped tattoo on his left cheek. He opened his mouth to say something- and then froze.

Actually, the whole cavern froze. Every set of eyes in the room was suddenly focused on us, and you could've heard a pin drop in the silence. Then the whispers started, hissing like the crackle of embers against damp leaves. _Whitebeard_ , many of them said, _Yonko_. _Fire Fist_. Other than that, I couldn't pick out any words. Ace scowled, daring at anyone to challenge him for his protection of Luffy. As for my captain… Luffy looked upset for a different reason. Not that I could tell what it was at the time.

Shuraiya collected himself quickly, offering a wry smile and a thin hand. "Fire Fist… It's an honour to meet you. Never thought I'd see one of the old man's division commanders in my neck of the woods."

Ace eyed the bounty hunter's hand cautiously, not touching it. "Visiting my brother and his friends."

Looking at his own hand and wincing, Shuraiya pulled back and continued as if pretending Ace hadn't just blown him off. "Of course, of course… Well, if you're here to enter the race, I wish you luck."

Luffy, still looking upset about something, shoved to the fore. Ace shot his brother a bemused look as the rubber boy folded his arms. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Thanks. Now go away."

"You're rude." Shuraiya didn't seem offended, though, despite his words. "You're lucky your big brother's here, else I might have to teach you some manners." A brief cracking of the bounty hunter's knuckles left no question as to what he meant by that.

"I don't need Ace to protect me," Luffy snapped. I wondered what had gotten into him. "You wanna go? Fine. Fight me- right here, right now."

While I and my crew mates stared in confused disbelief, trying to figure out what was going on in our captain's head, Shuraiya raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? A no bounty captain like you… Your crew probably isn't worth my time. I'm here for much _bigger_ prey."

Ah. So he _was_ looking for someone specific.

"Gum-Gum Pistol!" Luffy's scowl deepened as he launched an attack at the bounty hunter. He almost looked like he was gearing up to fight a major opponent like Arlong or Crocodile, rather than brawling with a bounty hunter in a seedy bar. I seriously wished I had a mind-reading fruit just then- I would've paid good money to know what had gotten into my captain.

The rubber fist clipped Shuraiya's tattooed cheek; the bounty hunter spun to dissipate most of the force. Leaping across the space between them, Shuraiya fired a kick into Luffy's chest. My captain took the hit, responding with a kick of his own that his opponent couldn't dodge at such close range. Shuraiya flipped over, landing briefly on his hands only to launch himself to his feet. Luffy was right on his tail though, not letting the bounty hunter have a second to regroup. Rubber knuckles met flesh as Shuraiya countered Luffy's punch with one of his own. Both combatants were thrown backwards by the impact; Luffy landed in an upside-down heap by Zoro's feet, while Shuraiya flipped a few times before coming to a rest by the base of one of the chains that held the longship up.

There was fire in his eyes as Luffy got back to his feet. Ghin frowned, finally voicing the question we were all thinking. "Don Luffy… What's going on?"

Luffy didn't answer. Instead, he charged at Shuraiya, yelling wildly and upending chairs and tables in his path. All the people in the area scrambled to the sides of the cavern so as to watch the fight without being in the line of fire.

Rubber fists thudded against steel chain. Shuraiya had pulled himself up using a couple of higher links; the bounty hunter snapped a kick down into Luffy's head from his new position. Then dark eyes widened in surprise. The kick hadn't affected Luffy at all. Ignoring the bootheel that had slammed down between his eyes, my captain reached about halfway up the chains and grabbed on, aiming himself at Shuraiya.

"Gum-Gum Rocket!"

"Yeargh!" Shuraiya tried to lever himself up out of the way, but was too slow to dodge completely. Luffy's attack sent the both of them flying. I think they landed in the longship high above- the boat started rocking wildly back and forth, and one of the oars fell down. It landed on some random pirate's head on the other side of the room.

Then one of the pulleys from which the boat was hanging tore free of the ceiling. One end of the longship started to fall, followed shortly by the other end as one of the chains' anchors ripped off of the floor. I saw Luffy and Shuraiya dangling from the sides of the longship as it descended, still kicking at each other as they fell. All that did was make the boat swing back and forth, so that it crashed into a balcony about halfway up rather than making it all the way to the floor.

For a while after that, nothing really happened. I could hear muffled voices and a couple of impacts, but had no context for what was going on up there. No words… Nothing. Lisa grabbed my hand and looked up at me, opening her mouth to ask something- probably what was going on and if Luffy had gotten into a fight with someone powerful. Which I wouldn't have been able to answer. Before she could ask, though, a loud yell sounded above.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Luffy was flung off the balcony, flailing his arms like bald wings. This didn't slow his fall in the slightest. My captain hit the floor face-first, bouncing across the stone several times before finally coming to a halt against a wall.

By the time the rest of us reached him, Luffy was on his feet. His face was shadowed by his hat; a small frown creased his features. Before anyone could ask him what had happened up there, he held up a hand. "Nami… We _have_ to win this race. 'Kay?"

"Of course." The sailing master nodded, hands on her hips. "We could beat these idiots in our sleep- and since we'll be awake, winning'll be a breeze."

"Good." Luffy headed for the stairs, his back unusually stiff and a slight stomp in his step. "Come on guys; let's go. I'm not hungry anymore."

The rest of us had all finished about the time the whole debacle started, so we made no protest. And frankly, Luffy saying he wasn't hungry was a little worrying. He was _always_ hungry. Robin raised an eyebrow as we made our way out of the hidden meeting place.

"Captain… Did something happen up on the balcony?"

Shrugging, Luffy hunched his head down between his shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Nah, nothing. The guys here are just assholes is all. I wanna beat them and show them they're wrong."

X

Whatever he said though, however he brushed off our questions, it was clear by the time we got back to the _Merry_ that something _was_ wrong with Luffy. As soon as we got back to the ship, the rubber boy climbed up to the crow's nest, flipping himself up over the side to land with an audible thud. The very top of his straw hat shone over the edge in the light of the sunset. Usopp frowned.

"He, uh… He knows he doesn't have a watch today, right? Early shift tonight's supposed to be mine." The gunner rubbed his nose, nervous.

Ace bit his lip and stared up at the crow's nest. "He's _sulking_. I've never seen Lu _sulk_ before- I can't decide whether to be proud he's growing up, or if I need to be worried."

"It- It must have something to do with whatever happened on the balcony…" Chopper wrung his hooves. "Or maybe with that Shuraiya person… Should someone talk to him about it? Find out what's wrong?"

For a moment there was silence. We all stared at each other, considering. Then, suddenly, it was like a dam had burst. "One, two, three, not it!"

"Not me!"

"Nope!"

"I have next watch- I need my sleep."

"Not it!"

 _Trust me, you wouldn't want me to._

"SCREEEEEEEEE!"

"Not it!"

"Not it!"

"Ni zey!"

"Not me!"

"Hell no!"

"I'd rather not."

Ace clapped a hand on my shoulder before I could say anything. "Well, Jones, it looks like it's up to you."

"What?!" I squawked, spinning to glare at the firecracker. "He's _your_ baby brother- you do it!"

"Well, actually… According to him, we're all family, so he's your baby brother too." Ace rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "And I… I don't know how to handle this. Lu's never sulked before, not like this… I don't think me trying would be a good idea. If something like this happened back on Dawn Island, I would've asked Makino to look in on him, but since she's not here…" The freckled pirate shrugged helplessly.

I wanted to protest that. Makino was the closest thing to a mother Luffy'd ever had- there was something _seriously_ wrong if _I_ was the nearest substitute available. I looked over at Nami and opened my mouth, but she shook her head before I could get a word out. Ghin and Zoro yielded the same result. And Robin… The mysterious smile she flashed when I turned my pleading gaze in her direction made me worry that if I asked _her_ to talk to Luffy, the captain would end up traumatized. I slumped, defeated. "Fine… But just so you know, _Ghin_ is the mother hen on this ship. Dealing with sulking teenagers isn't in my contract."

Several of my crew mates laughed at that as I started making my way up the mast. Sanji huffed. "You don't _have_ a contract, Jones. None of us do."

The rest of the crew went belowdecks before I'd even made it up to the crow's nest- probably wanted to get an early night, the better to prepare for the race tomorrow. All except Ruatha, of course, although the dragon was still getting ready to sleep as he wrapped himself more comfortably around my shoulders. Merde… Neither Luffy nor I was supposed to have a watch shift tonight. Then again, it was probably less important for us to be well rested than some of the others- and if we fetched Usopp after, that pushed Zoro to third watch and Johnny and Yosaku to predawn, meaning Ghin would get a full night's sleep, and if we were aiming for _speed_ the next day, having our rigger in top form was probably a good idea.

But _tabarnak_ … I had _no idea_ how to talk to a sulking Luffy. So I clambered over the edge of the crow's nest on the opposite side from my captain, looking over at him before I pulled myself all the way in. "Captain… Is it alright if I sit here?"

Luffy nodded, but otherwise didn't respond. He was curled up in a ball, his chin resting on his knees. I didn't say anything when I sat down across from him, my mind humming as I tried to figure out what to do. He looked so _young_ … And he was. Seventeen, and a childish seventeen at that. Luffy could've been upset about anything- could be related to his responsibilities as a captain, or it could've been some juvenile insult thrown by another pirate to get a rise out of him. And I wasn't sure how to ask…

The moons were high in the sky before either of us made a move. Sighing, Luffy fidgeted and sunk deeper into his knees, until his eyes were barely peeking out between straw and knobbly bone. "Jones… Why did you stop me from getting a bounty?"

Oh. _Oh_. Tabarnak, so that's what was going on. Someone had said something… Maybe it had been Shuraiya underestimating our crew, or maybe something up on that balcony. "It- it was an accident. I was- It was back in Cocoyashi Village. Those marines I gassed… Their captain was the one, in the comics, who phoned headquarters about what you'd been doing and got you a bounty. He was working with Arlong to extort money out of Nami's village. Seeing him in person… I just got _angry_. I wanted to do something, _anything_ \- both to help, and because I hate being bored, left out, useless. So I stopped them from stealing Nami's treasure, even though I knew she'd probably have gotten it back anyway afterwards."

Now I was curled up the same way Luffy was, barely able to see anything as I peered out a narrow gap between my hat and my knees. "I didn't mean to… Although I will admit to taking advantage of your lack of bounty at times when dealing with marines. But I never made a secret of that. Sorry…" I wilted and drooped, not sure what I should do or say.

A heavy sigh sounded from the other side of the crow's nest. Luffy's face was completely hidden by his hat now, his forehead pressed against his knees. I was left staring at an expanse of pale gold straw. "I know you're just tryna do what's best. And its kinda fun watching you talk at people sometimes, even if bits of it make my head hurt. But… That Shoe-guy… He thought we were _weak_ because I don't have a bounty. He thought I needed Ace to fight for me. We're _not_ weak and I _don't_. But until I get a bounty, I'll just be Ace's little brother. To _everybody_. I can't be pirate king if the whole world thinks I'm just Ace's little brother."

My heart sank. I'd never thought about _that_ \- hadn't thought much about the "no bounty" deal at all, really, except for that it made dealing with Smoker so much easier. And the few times it _had_ crossed my mind, late at night when I was alone on watch, I'd just assumed that it couldn't last. I mean… _Ennies Lobby_. It would be near-impossible to get through _that_ without getting prices on our heads. But… The point Luffy was making… I felt _awful_. "Sorry Captain… I didn't think of that."

Luffy didn't even have the energy to hit me with a Fist of Love, which I half-expected. He just sighed again. "I know you didn't mean to… But you did, and I'm not… Sometimes I don't like it. I'm _more_ than just 'Fire Fist' Ace's baby brother."

"I know." Scooting around the crow's nest, I sat close beside my captain. Touching, even; my right side was pressed to his left, and I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Not for the first time, I was struck by how _small_ Luffy was. Scrawny and wiry… "And someday the rest of the world will know too. There are other chances coming up for you to get a bounty- we'll be doing things Ace could only _dream_ of. I'll _try_ not to mess any of them up- although I can't make any promises. And just think- at the rate we're going, with the things that're gonna be happening to us… You'll probably get the biggest starting bounty in history, once the marines figure out how we duped them."

Nodding, Luffy sagged against me. Rubber arms wrapped around me on reflex, competing with Ruatha's tail for space. My dragon opened up a sleepy eye, snorted, and went back to sleep. My captain leaned heavily against my side. "I want to be different _now_ though. You're you- even if you say you'll _try_ not to inv- inter- do stuff, you can't help it. Like me looking for adventure. _Someday_ I'll get a bounty, but I might have to wait a while. I don't like waiting…" Luffy growled in frustration and yanked his hat further down over his ears with his free hand.

"Sorry…" I really didn't know what else to say. Frowning, Luffy turned his head to face me.

"Don't apologize. You're you; changing that would be like asking Zoro to fight with a Devil Fruit instead of his sword." Luffy made a face. "Ergh, I'm _thinking_ again. That _never_ used to happen." He rubbed his forehead. "I- I don't know what to do. I don't want you to stop being you, don't want to keep anyone from doing what they think's best, but I want us to be _different_. I can't be pirate king if people don't know who I am. I _need_ a bounty."

Yes… Yes, that was definitely a problem. And one I didn't think I could fix, aside from just waiting for nature to take its course. Barring any massive alterations, we'd be attacking one of the three main government strongholds soon enough; that should get us bounties. But how to reassure Luffy in the meantime…? I was silent for several long minutes as I tried to think of what to say.

Nothing. I had nothing. Sighing, I held Luffy tighter. "People _will_ know who you are. And you _will_ be king of the pirates. I promise."

But my captain was too maudlin to be so easily reassured right now. "How can you _know_ , though?" Dark brown eyes bored into mine. His voice was thick with resigned worry. "You said the story wasn't even _done_ when you came through, and then you're changing things…"

Luffy was shaking against me. And really, I couldn't refute him. The things I was arranging, without even asking him, usually… I'd been under the impression that he wouldn't care about my plotting, would just tell me to go ahead as long as it didn't interfere with his adventures, but maybe I should've asked him first. _Merde_. I was a terrible Straw Hat. And now _I_ was shaking too.

Tabarnak… _No_. That wasn't allowed. I couldn't let anyone see me uncertain; it would do _nothing_ to help Luffy's newfound lack of self-esteem. Forcing a smile wouldn't do any good here- my captain would be able to tell if there was any falsehood in my face or voice. So instead I clamped down on the remains of my fear of touching people, and reached up to poke the scar on Luffy's face with one finger.

"Do you remember the day you got that?"

"Yeah… Wait- you know _that_ too?" Luffy's face brightened noticeably. He nodded to himself almost immediately. "Yeah, you have to know. It was before you started changing things, and it was important."

"You wanted to prove to Shanks you were man enough to sail with him." I couldn't help but smile at the memory. "And when he saved you and gave you Hat… Shanks believed you could do it too. He wouldn't have put _Gol D Roger's_ hat in danger for just _any_ rookie, after all."

Eyes blowing wide, Luffy plucked his hat off his head and stared at it. "You used to belong to the _pirate king_?!" My captain demanded of his hat in disbelief. He beamed and hugged it close for a moment before plopping it back on his head.

Since the hat couldn't answer, I spoke for it. "Yep. Roger gave Shanks that hat when Red Hair was just a cabin boy on his ship. That was the hat Roger was wearing when he met his first mate, the day they set out on their grand adventure- long before the title _pirate king_ was even a stray thought. Now… Would Shanks really give something so precious to someone he didn't think had what it takes to be the next king of the pirates?"

"No…" Luffy shook his head. His face slowly brightened, until he was beaming at me with that familiar D grin. "Shanks is the best, so he'd only let me touch Hat if he knew I could be the best too. And I _will_ become king of the pirates, even if I make it all the way to _Raftel_ without a bounty!" He pumped his fist in triumphant determination.

Ah, there was the headstrong captain I knew and loved. I grinned along with him. "Of course you will. But I don't think you need go that far, Captain; there are some things coming up that it would take a bloody _miracle_ to get through them without getting a price on at least some of our heads. I'm sure you'll have a bounty soon enough."

"Shishishishishi! Yep! And it'll be higher than _anyone's_! Even _Dad's_!"

"Sesehihihihihi! That _particular_ goal will take a lot of work- but if anyone can do it, you can."

X

Dawn was bright and clear on the day the race began. We all took our positions, yawning, as Nami checked the eternal pose to the goal. Hmm… Partia. Not an island I could ever remember hearing about. The sailing master glanced around as she took our bearings. "Okay everyone- it looks like we need to head around the island. The pose is pointing straight at the shore."

"Or we could just go up that canal," Ghin pointed out. Sure enough, not far from the _Going Merry_ , a narrow canal rose up the side of the island. Like Reverse Mountain, water flowed _upwards_ to the center of the island, indicating strong currents somewhere beneath.

Luffy bounced on the figurehead. "Yay! Another mystery mountain! Let's go, Nami, let's go!"

"Alright- after all, it's not the first time we've done this, and I doubt it'll be the last. Ghin, Sanji bring her about!"

"Aye-aye Sailing Master!"

"Of course, Nami dear!"

Chopper leaned on the rail as we headed for the canal, staring at the currents in fascination. "I've never seen water flow uphill before."

Usopp beamed. "This is _nothing_. On our way into the Grand Line from the East Blue, we had to go up a mountain ten times this high! And the current was _much_ faster- we nearly crashed into the side on our way into the canal!"

"Really?!" Chopper's eyes turned to stars. He jumped up and clung to Usopp's leg. "That's so cool! I bet you saw lots of awesome things before getting to Drum Kingdom, didn't you? Tell me more, tell me more!"

"Well, at the base of Reverse Mountain, there's an old man with a flower sticking out the back of his head, who lives in a lighthouse with a giant whale…"

I turned my focus ahead as Usopp started telling Chopper about some of our early adventures. Somewhere uphill, just beyond a rise, I could hear the clamour of dozens of voices shouting over the roar of the water. It wasn't as bad as the day before, but I still had my earplugs in to block out background noise and help me focus.

And then we were over the rise and floating along through part of the town. People lined either side of the canal, cheering and jeering. Most of them seemed to be shouting mild insults at us, hoping someone named Gasparde would win. He must've been a favourite or something- I heard a bunch of guys yelling that they'd bet every beri they owned on him. Well, sucks for them. We may be no-bounty rookies, but we were the Straw Hat Pirates; we were _going_ to win this thing.

As we moved further uphill, I saw other canals running alongside the one _Merry_ sailed in. Not parallel; they were all angled slightly, so that every canal would converge shortly before the top of the mountain. Each had at least one ship sailing up- many had two or more, with the crews eying each other warily. Several had cannons at the ready. Ah, so it was one of _those_ kind of races. I glanced over at Zoro.

"Looks like an anything goes type of game. Thoughts?"

The bosun considered the situation for a moment, looking out over the ships visible in the other canals. Then he smirked. "I dunno… We've only got one cannon, and our gunner's busy telling stories to our doctor. Most of the other ships are twice the size of ours, with three or four times the crew. Some of them are fishmen or giants…" Zoro shrugged and tied his bandanna around his head, his smirk morphing into a dark grin.

I matched his grin with one of my own. "Sesehihihihihi! You're right- they don't stand a chance!"

As the canals merged and the ships drew closer together, I spotted Shuraiya on one of the leaders. Standing at the bow of that particular ship was a large blond man with an imposingly blockish chin; he wore a marine jacket with the kanji for justice crossed-out on the back. Hmm… Guess Shuraiya wasn't working alone then. Odd- aside from the Accino family, I didn't think bounty hunters usually worked in crews. The ship Shuraiya and the man who could only be an ex-marine were standing on had the name _Salamander_ painted near her bow; gently puffs of smoke and steam rode from a couple pipes amidships, and she had paddlewheels visible on her sides. She still had a couple of masts, of course, but they appeared to be secondary.

That was… _Wow_. I hadn't been expecting to see steamships until we got to Water Seven.

And the _Salamander_ wasn't the only odd ship either. There was the _Web Panic_ , a large ship with curiously split sails; she appeared to be captained by the orca fishman I'd noticed at the bar last night. Also worthy of note was a surprisingly small ship being crewed by two giants- it appeared to be pedal powered.

Nami followed my gaze, her eyes lighting on the _Web Panic_ and her crew. The sailing master frowned. "Willy… He used to come by Cocoyashi sometimes- I think he and Arlong were rivals."

Zoro raised an eyebrow at that. "So he's one to watch out for, then?"

"Maybe, maybe not. It's hard to tell." Nami shrugged and waved us off, but I could see her keeping a close eye on Willy and his crew as we guided the _Going Merry_ into position.

A loud horn sounded as all the ships gathered together at the top of the mountain. Even with my earplugs in, I winced at the volume. Too much… Luckily it didn't last long. That was the signal; as soon as we heard it, every ship in the race began shooting forwards with all available speed.

Lisa, up in the crow's nest, was the first to see _it_. "Everyone hang on!" the little painter called down, following her own advice by securely entwining her arms in the ropes that held our flag to the mast. "We're going over!"

"Going over _what_?!" Johnny and Yosaku demanded in perfect unison. Of course, they still made sure they had a secure grip on the nearest rail.

Their question was answered a few seconds later. Many of the ships in front of the _Going Merry_ fell away without warning, their crews crying out in joy and terror. Then it was our turn. _Merry_ drifted forwards to the edge of a waterfall- one of the highest waterfalls I'd ever _seen_. It looked to be nearly twice the height of Niagara Falls. _Wow_ … Gripping the rigging tight with both hands, I jumped up on the rail just as we started to tip forwards, leaving me hanging out over open space. Up at the bow, Luffy wound his arms and legs securely around the figurehead.

"Shishishishishi! This is _fun!_ "

"Sesehihihihihi! _This is amazing!_ "

The rest of the crew didn't seem to share our enthusiasm. Drifter and Geier took to the air as _Merry_ leaned over the falls; Ruatha fluttered his wings like he wanted to join them, then settled for digging his claws into the rail when he couldn't become airborne. Usopp and Chopper squeaked and hugged the mast. Robin smiled mysteriously and held herself down with a plethora of arms, while Sanji shook his head and held tight to the whipstaff. Ghin, aloft in the rigging, secured himself with a number of lines. Nami checked the ropes that secured her Tangerine trees in place, then held onto those. And Zoro… Shoved Ace roughly below when the freckled pirate started looking like a narcoleptic fit might be imminent. Then the bosun folded his arms and… held himself onto the deck through sheer determination not to fly off, I guess.

For a _long_ time- maybe a minute- we were in free fall. The _Going Merry_ descended bow-first towards a broad river below. Something about the light reflecting off the water and trees below made her figurehead look almost green as we fell. Then Luffy, clinging to his hat with one hand, yelled back to the rest of us.

"Someone get us level! _Merry_ 's gonna smack down face-first!"

But how were we supposed to do that? The only thing I could think of was the anchor, but that was at the bow- doing anything with it would either make us fall faster, or flip us over in a way I doubted would be comfortable. It was Nami who had an answer.

"Jones! Your powers work on gravity, right? Make the bow lighter and the stern heavier until we level out!"

What? That- I didn't know if that would work, but it was worth a try. But how…? Closing my eyes, I visualized the _Going Merry_ in my mind, pretending the ship was an extension of my body. Higher gravitational pull on the rudder, lower on the bow… "Kepler's Law!"

Slowly- far _too_ slowly, in all likelihood- the _Going Merry_ rotated in the air. I started panting; my head ached. Eventually I couldn't hold it anymore; I dropped my control of the force and sagged against the lines I was holding, exhausted. We weren't quite level at that point, but it was as close as I could manage. Soon afterwards, _Merry_ hit the water about three-quarters of the way towards her bow, sending up an enormous splash. A second splash followed as her stern touched down; tremors ran through the ship. The impact was great enough that I actually absorbed a charge of force _through_ the _Going Merry_.

 _CRA-KACHOW! CRA-KACHOW!_

 _KA-POOM! KA-POOM!_

As soon as they hit the river, ships started attacking each other. Cannonballs flew through the air, along with boarding parties and, in one noticeable case, a dozen oversized spoons. I was _so_ glad of my earplugs- being surrounded by cannon fire wasn't my idea of fun _at all_. With Usopp still clinging to the mast with Chopper, though, we weren't one of the crews that went on the offensive. Instead, Nami and Ghin focused on speed, calling instructions to the rest of us as the _Going Merry_ wove her way through the knot of other ships out towards the sea.

Not that we managed to weave very far. A long, heavy rope shot forwards from one of the ships behind us, the end tied in a noose. It was wielded by a man in a fluffy blue and yellow jacket. He laughed as his noose looped over one of Nami's tangerine trees. "Ahahaha! The race has just begun and you're already one of the last in line! How'd you kids like them apples?"

Everyone else sweatdropped at that, and I really wished I could. Johnny turned to stage-whisper to Yosaku. "He _does_ realize he's one of the few people _behind_ us, right Bro?"

"I wouldn't count on it. He doesn't seem to bright."

The guy with the noose squawked indignantly and hauled back- although what good he thought that would do, I'll never know. You can't _hang_ a tangerine tree, and trying will only get you electrocuted by an irate Nami. As it was, things never got that far. Zoro darted forwards to cut the rope at the same moment Usopp fired a pachinko ball at the guy holding the noose.

"Lead Star!"

"Gya!" The man fell backwards, releasing the now-noose-less length of rope he was holding in favour of clutching his bruised forehead.

DA-KAKAKAKAKAKAKA!

A second later, Drifter and Geier strafed the rear of the noose ship, the vulture's machine gun ripping the rudder to shreds. Unable to steer, the noose-man and his crew flailed helplessly as their ship slowly turned sideways. This turned them into an impromptu obstacle for the one or two boats coming along behind; the _Going Merry_ was soon making her merry way away from a three-ship pileup.

Up ahead of us, the giants in their pedal boat crashed through the stern of a schooner. They appeared to have some sort of drill bit on the front of the pedal boat that spun as they surged forwards, making ramming possible. Much of the schooner was flung back and to the side as debris; its crew were left clinging to boards or scrambling to try and stay afloat on the bow of the ruined ship. The giants laughed and skipped over the waves as they ploughed on.

Puffing and spewing out black smoke, the _Salamander_ pulled ahead of all but the swiftest clippers. It was like watching something out of a Victorian period movie. A little bit of the black smoke drifted back, making me cough; I pulled my bandanna up over my nose to keep the stinking fumes out.

Steamships and clippers, though… How was a little caravel like the _Going Merry_ supposed to keep up with those? We _had_ to, but realistically speaking, we were technologically speaking _at least_ two hundred years behind as far as shipbuilding went. How could we…? Hmmm… Maybe something with Devil Fruits? Not sure. Maybe once we were clear of the island, Nami, Ghin, and I could put our heads together and think of something.

X

It turned out that there wasn't a lot to think about. A caravel like the _Going Merry_ could only go so fast under full sail- and 'so fast' wasn't actually particularly fast at all. About fourteen kilometers per hour. Compared to the thirty kph a schooner could make, or the forty-one of a clipper, we weren't even worth mentioning. Still, we pulled with all we had.

Which was kind of… _odd_ , actually. We Straw Hats almost _never_ operated with all hands on deck- only when there was an emergency, like when holes appear in the middle of the ocean, or it starts to rain brains. I shuddered and suppressed that memory before it could go anywhere. But here we were- no one was playing around, or cooking, or sleeping. Everyone had something to _do_ as we struggled to make the _Merry_ sail like a racer instead of an old merchant vessel. Unused to this, we kept getting in each other's way; Zoro tripped over Drifter more than once, and Johnny and Usopp kept running into each other. Half the time, Geier and I would grab the same line when really only one of us was needed. Robin had hands everywhere, but they kept poofing away whenever one of them got rope burn or was stepped on, leading to lines suddenly flapping loose in the wind.

Overall, it was a mess, and we probably weren't moving any faster than normal.

Ghin groaned as Lisa, Chopper, and Yosaku all tripped over each other rushing from place to place, resulting in a three-pirate pileup. "And _this_ is why even Krieg had a musician." The rigger rubbed his temples.

And, naturally, Luffy's eyes lit up like stars at the word musician. Even if he _was_ pretty confused. "What? I want a musician! But how would that help?"

"Singing helps keep a beat while you work," Ghin explained. "Fiddles and drums are even better though. We might not trip over each other _quite_ as much if we were all following the same rhythm."

" _Ooooh_ …" Luffy nodded in understanding, an adorable rubber bobblehead. "Okay then. But we still don't have a musician… Hey! Ghin, you can sing! You do it!"

For a moment, it looked like our rigger might refuse. Then he shook his head and sighed. "Fine. But don't expect me to do this all the time- you want regular music, find us a fiddler or something, dammit"

Of course, Luffy didn't really pay attention to that part. Clapping his hands, the rubber boy nearly lost his grip in the line he'd been tying; he was saved from falling to the deck only by virtue of having his legs wrapped around it. Not that such a fall would've hurt him… "Yay! Ghin's gonna sing for us!"

Sighing and shaking his head again, Ghin spend a minute drumming a lively beat on the mast with his fingers. Once he'd been at it for a few seconds, enough to be comfortable with the speed, he nodded and opened his mouth.

"What shall we do with a drunken sailor,

What shall we do with a drunken sailor,

What shall we do with a drunken sailor,

Early in the morning?"

I felt my blood heat up, accompanied by a strong urge to beat my head on the nearest surface until I was able to bust through the Fourth Wall and grab my writer by the front of her shirt. Because _really?_ I wasn't sure if the last time Ghin sang was a shenanigan or not, but this? This most certainly _was_. That was one of the most famous sea shanties in the English-speaking world- did you _really_ expect it to fly under the radar, other me? Or do you just not care anymore?

"Chuck him in the long boat 'til he's sober,

Chuck him in the long boat 'til he's sober,

Chuck him in the long boat 'til he's sober,

Early in the morning!"

It _did_ seem to be working, though. With everyone moving at the same pace, there was a near-instantaneous drop in collisions and pileups. Ghin continued to sing as he got back to work- and one by one, everyone else joined in. I guess _Drunken Sailor_ was popular in the _One Piece_ world too.

"Put him in the scuppers with a hosepipe on him,

Put him in the scuppers with a hosepipe on him,

Put him in the scuppers with a hosepipe on him,

Early in the morning!"

Not long after we'd gotten into the swing of things, Nami snapped her _Clima-Tact_ together and stood behind the mainmast. "I wonder… Maybe this will help? A square sail goes fastest with wind right behind it, after all. Even if I can't add very much… Breeze Tempo!" The sailing master aimed her weapon, holding it kind of like a bazooka; a strong, persistent wind flowed out of the rod, adding just a little more power to the already full sail.

"Tie him to the taffrail when she's yardarm under,

Tie him to the taffrail when she's yardarm under,

Tie him to the taffrail when she's yardarm under,

Early in the morning!"

Somewhere behind us, a whale spouted. It was barely audible over the roar of the wind and the hum of the lines. Even _Merry_ seemed to be singing along- or so it seemed to me as I tensioned one of the shrouds. The sturdy little caravel bobbed in the waves, doing her very best to reach speeds she was never designed for; I patted her on the mast as I raced to my next task.

"Heave him by the leg in a running bowline,

Heave him by the leg in a running bowline,

Heave him by the leg in a running bowline,

Early in the morning!"

"Heh," Sanji huffed, "Maybe I'll try that next time Mossball doesn't get up for lunch."

"Like you'd be able to get that close to me, even if I _was_ asleep." Zoro flicked the end of a loose line at Sanji before getting back to work, knocking the cook's bangs up for a moment to reveal both eyes and both swirling eyebrows. It only lasted for half a second. Sanji looked like he was about to retaliate, but a frown from Nami stopped him.

"Give him a taste of the bosun's rope-end,

Give him a taste of the bosun's rope-end,

Give him a taste of the bosun's rope end,

Early in the morning!"

Ah, irony. I love it, when it's not happening to me. Tiny footsteps raced across the deck as Lisa ran to check the chip log. "Ten knots!" the little painter called out excitedly.

Ten knots? That was eighteen kilometers per hour! A caravel couldn't go that fast! As soon as I thought that, I tripped over a line that had come loose. Rolling forwards, I landed face-to-figurehead with _Merry_ ; the cheerful sheep seemed to throw me a reproachful look. Or maybe that was just the angle. Either way, I mentally apologized to the lovely little ship as I raced to retie the line that had tripped me.

"Soak him in oil 'til he sprouts a flipper,

Soak him in oil 'til he sprouts a flipper,

Soak him in oil 'til he sprouts a flipper,

Early in the morning!"

 _She's resting a little low in the water_ , Drifter reported after a quick scramble down the side of the hull. _Should we try to lighten her up?_

Usopp considered this for a moment, then shook his head. "It wouldn't make a difference. Besides, most of the weight's probably food; we can't afford to lose any of that- not with Luffy on board."

 _Fair enough._ The otter thought for a minute. Then… _How about the booze? There's lots of that too, and unlike food, we don't need booze to live._

Zoro caught a glimpse of that sign and growled. "Oh, no. Don't you go touching my booze, Hairball."

 _Fine, fine. Sheesh… Touchy hoser, ain't ya?_

"Put him in the bilge and make him drink it,

Put him in the bilge and make him drink it,

Put him in the bilge and make him drink it,

Early in the morning!"

"Need a hand?" Robin offered when she saw me struggling with one of the halyards. The archaeologist didn't wait for an answer; a dozen limbs bloomed around me to help me haul the line into place. Once it was where it needed to be, I froze for a moment to stare at her.

"Did you just make a pun?"

Robin didn't answer my query, just smiled mysteriously and walked away. A few seconds later, I saw her holding another line steady so Chopper could tie it off. Her hands- her _real_ hands, not any of the ones produced by her powers- were rope burned and covered in blisters.

"Put him in bed with the captain's daughter,

Put him in bed with the captain's daughter,

Put him in bed with the captain's daughter,

Early in the morning!"

"Huh?" Luffy looked confused as he hung upside down from the yardarm, groping for a corner of the sail that had come loose. "But I don't _have_ a daughter."

"And you never will!" Ace vowed loudly from the deck. The freckled firebrand was busy trying to re-secure Nami's tangerines; some of them had been knocked loose as we picked up speed.

Ruatha and Geier screeched with laughter at that; Yosaku facepalmed. "Big Bro Luffy… Big Bro Ace… It's just a part of the song."

Johnny nodded. "Besides, it doesn't mean a _real_ daughter anyways. On marine ships, that's what they call a cat o'nine tails."

Sanji looked disappointed- I guess he was imagining spending a night with a pretty pirate maid. Luffy, meanwhile, was still confused. "What's a cat o'nine tails?"

Johnny and Yosaku answered in unison, twin looks of disbelief on their faces. "A whip, Big Bro. A whip with nine heads. Lots o'crews use it to punish sailors who try to incite mutiny and stuff."

"Oh…" Luffy's face fell. Then he brightened. "Then no wonder I've never heard of it! No one on Gramps' or Shanks' crews woulda done something like that, and I know none of you guys would either! So good crews don't need one!"

"What shall we do with the drunken sailor,

What shall we do with the drunken sailor,

What shall we do with the drunken sailor,

Early in the morning?"

Soon the _Going Merry_ was running at a steady twelve knots- half again the highest speed I expected from her. Twenty-Two kilometers per hour… I bet no other caravel in history had managed that, both on Earth _and_ in the _One Piece_ world. The question was… How long could it last? The _Merry_ hadn't been built for such speeds. Would this race damage her? Worry coiled in the pit of my stomach; I hadn't yet come up with a way to save the dear little ship.

X

A storm rose up in the late afternoon- a pretty bad one, too, although not up to the levels of insanity Paradise could occasionally reach and the New World saw eight times before breakfast. Probably about level with the worst storms I'd known back on Earth. Thunder cracked like cannons going off high above our heads; every few seconds, spidery fingers of lightning split the sky. The clouds were nearly black, and the rain coming down was so heavy it formed a dense mist on the water. Wind howled and whistled through the _Merry_ 's lines, an angry banshee choir that whipped up twenty-foot waves. The _Going Merry_ 's rolling deck was slick with puddles.

Luffy was up in the crow's nest-not that he could see anything through the wind and rain. He was the only person who could be up there safely; the mast had already been hit by lightning three times. My captain stood out bright against the dark clouds in his yellow raincoat.

"See anything?" Nami called up, shielding her face with her hands. Luffy shook his head.

"Nothing! Nobody!" He may have said something more as well, but those were the only words I could pick out over the roar of the wind.

A line snapped. The end flicked Usopp in the face as it whipped away, hard enough to bruise him and knock him over backwards. Yelping, the gunner flailed and made a grab for the errant bit of rigging; he was just splicing it together when Chopper cantered over to him.

"You okay?" Chopper hollered, "It didn't hit your eye, did it?"

Even though they were right next to each other, Usopp didn't seem to know what Chopper had said. "No, you're not in the way! You're doing great!"

I'd been using my powers to keep myself from slipping almost since the storm started. Have I mentioned before that I love my Devil Fruit? I _really_ love my Devil Fruit. Catching sight of a knot that looked strained, I jumped up and grabbed hold just as it came unravelled. A few seconds later I had it retied. Dropping back down, I slipped on the edge of a rail and keeled over backwards, my store of force exhausted. Hands bloomed out of the rail and grabbed me before I hit the water, pulling me back aboard. I shot my rescuer a tired smile.

"Thanks Robin."

"Of course."

The storm seemed endless. I have no idea how long we sailed through it, struggling to keep on course. There was no sign of any of our fellow competitors either, no way to know whether we'd fallen behind or pulled ahead. Merde… With the rain as thick as it was, we might not have seen someone sailing right beside us. Then, after the mast had been hit by lightning for a fourth time, Luffy called out eagerly.

"I see something! It looks like an island- a big one!"

Turning her head with a snap that flicked runnels of water off the hood of her raincoat, Nami looked at me. "Jones- verify!"

Ah, yes, our dear sailing master still thought I had some level of lightning resistance due to my Devil Fruit. If I did, I had yet to see any evidence of it. Nonetheless, I saluted and punched myself in the leg a few times, building up the charge I needed to Spider Climb up the mast. I swung up into the crow's nest beside Luffy and squinted into the shadowy distance.

"Where?"

"There!" Luffy pointed dead ahead. And yes… There was definitely _something_ there. It looked like nothing more than a black blob against the near-black of the horizon. Jagged and imposing- and bloody well _familiar_ , which an island I'd never heard of _shouldn't_ be.

 _Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge_. We'd been had! I may not know what movie or video game or whatever this race was based on, but I'd seen _that_ filler a dozen times. I jumped over the side of the crow's nest, falling to land in front of Nami with a splash and roll.

"Turn us around! That's not Partia!"

The sailing master looked at me oddly. "So there's really something out there? But… If the pose is pointing straight at it, it _has_ to be the finish line!"

"I don't know what's going on here- but that's why I know it's _not_ the finish line! I've never seen or heard of Partia, but _that_ shadow's pretty familiar! It's Navarone- the G8 marine base!"

Eyes going wide, Nami spun and shouted at Sanji. "Fifty degrees to starboard, now!"

"Of course Nami dear!" The cook shoved the whipstaff over; _Merry_ 's hull creaked as she turned sharply around. Strain from the wind and the sudden change of direction made several lines snap or unravel; Ghin, Johnny, and Yosaku raced to fix things.

Robin came over, holding out her hand. "Miss Navigator, if I may?"

Nami hesitated for a moment, suspicious, then handed the eternal pose over. Robin examined it carefully, picking at the plaque. It didn't take much for the little strip of brass that read _Partia_ to come unglued and revealed another plaque, this one secured to the wooden casing with screws.

 _Navarone_.

A sharp intake of breath; Nami looked from Robin to me. "Okay, you were right. But then… What do we do?"

"No idea." I shrugged helplessly. When I looked up at Robin, the archeaologist just shook her head.

I wondered when the noise of the wind had started dying down.

Zoro, who'd been busily re-securing Nami's tangerine trees after their anchors broke, looked up at us. "Can't Chopper sniff out the other competitors or something? He's got a pretty good nose."

The little reindeer squirmed happily by the rail. "Compliments won't make me happy, bastard!" He settled down quickly though. "No, seriously, do you know how hard it is to track people through rain like this? Nearly impossible, that's how! The only thing that could be worse would be finding lichen in a blizzard! And the only other competitor I got a good enough whiff of to even have a _chance_ of sniffing him out was that Shuraiya guy Luffy fought at the bar!"

Drifter hung upside-down from a line by his tail, waving a sign. Otters don't have eyebrows, really, but he managed to raise one anyway. _But… You're a reindeer. Finding lichen in a blizzard is what you hosers_ do _, isn't it?_

Chopper shot Drifter a flat look. "It's a _metaphor!_ But yeah, I guess…" The doctor's ears dropped as suddenly the whole crew was looking at him. "What? You don't really think I can-?"

"Aw, I'm sure you could do it Choppy!" I picked up the tiny reindeer and cuddled him like a teddy bear. His decision to shift to Walk Point to get away made this harder, but I held on. "You have the best nose on the crew by a long shot."

"Let go! Your compliments won't make me happy, asshole!" Chopper spent a few seconds squirming free of my arms. When he'd finally regained his freedom, he jumped and bucked in a little circle, a deer version of a happy dance. "Okay, fine. I'll try. But don't blame me if I can't find Shuraiya, or if doing so leads us back into the marine base."

X

We caught up to the _Salamander_ during a lull in the storm- and it was nowhere _near_ Navarone. Personally, despite my encouragement, I was amazed at how good Chopper's nose was. The little reindeer stood at the bow, snout twitching, as we skimmed forwards through the fading mist. He swung his head back and forth, triangulating the scent, until…

"There!"

Not five minutes later, the fog opened up to reveal the _Salamander_ , her steam engine puffing idly into the rain. Some of the falling drops left greasy black residue; they tasted like soggy coal dust. Despite her burning engines, the _Salamander_ wasn't moving. She waited like a spider in the middle of the waves, bobbing patiently as the _Web Panic_ appeared from another direction. Cannons fired from the incoming ship; most of them splashed harmlessly down around the _Salamander_ , but a few hit home. Or they _should_ have.

A wave of green slime rose up from the _Salamander_ 's deck, forming a high, shiny wall. The cannonballs that hit it were stopped dead. Then the wall reformed into a long tentacle with the cannonballs in the tip, rising up high before lashing out and down. The _Web Panic_ smashed in two. Loud yells filled the air as her crew clung to her sinking timbers.

A ridged wake formed in the water, centered on a black fin. Willy the orca fishman leapt out of the water as he neared the _Salamander_ , swinging a mace as he flew through the air. But the fishman didn't get a single strike in, against the steamship of any of her crew. Twin columns of green slime rose up as he neared the _Salamander_ , smashing into him from either side like giant hands clapping over a mosquito. They held there for a long moment- several moments, actually. Long enough to strangle a man. When they released, Willy fell limp into the sea.

He didn't resurface.

More tentacles of green slime rose up and lashed out, quickly obliterating what was left of the _Web Panic_. Soon the stormy waves were littered with bits of flotsam, torn canvas, and tangled lines. By the time the _Going Merry_ drew nearer, I could see no sign of any of the men from the sunken ship. But I've always had a good imagination; there was no doubt in my mind about what had happened to them.

I frowned at the steamship as the _Going Merry_ drew nearer. So… They had a logia aboard. Interesting. What element would manifest as green slime? There was nothing I could think of off the top of my head, so we'd just have to wait and see.

Up at the bow, Chopper was twitching. "I smell… I smell blood."

Ruatha crooned and clambered up onto my shoulders, wrapping his tail securely around my ribs. Luffy descended from the crow's nest just as Ace came up from below. The freckled pirate was yawning. Everyone made our way over to the rails. Sanji lit a cigarette with a huff. "So, Shitty Captain… Now what?"

Luffy looked out over the water and shrugged. "I dunno. We kick their ass and make them tell us where the real finish line is, I guess."

"How do you know they'll know?" Robin wanted to know. Luffy shrugged again.

"I don't. But they're pretty far off from where we were, and ours was wrong, so if they're out here, they either know where the real island is, or they're lost like Zoro."

"Oi!" The bosun scowled at our captain. Nami found a bottle somewhere and threw it at the swordsman's head. Hollow glass collided with bone with a heavy thud.

"Can it! You get lost easy and we all know it. Just because we've been taking pains to keep it from happening too often since Syrup Village doesn't mean it's not true!"

"Only four of us were even _there_ for that!" Zoro protested. Nami raised her eyebrows in response.

"So you're saying that since only five of us were there when Jones cooked, we should let her in the galley unsupervised?"

Zoro turned a little green at that. Looking away, he growled. "Fine. Objection withdrawn."

A clamour arose on the _Salamander_ as we drew closer, yelling and thudding and clanging. It sounded like a fight, maybe. I saw a few flashes of yellow- Shuraiya. As we got closer, I got a better look. Yes, it was definitely a fight. Shuraiya was jumping around with a shovel, swinging and kicking at one of the other crew members, a tall man with partial armour and a very pointy nose. I wondered what had happened there- or maybe the person he'd been searching for was on the same crew. _That_ could be messy.

As I watched, Shuriya was thrown into the mast. His shovel broke I half; when he slid down to the deck, he left a bloody stain on the wood. I looked to Luffy, wondering what he'd want us to do. He and Shuraiya hadn't gotten off to a good start, and we didn't know the bounty hunter's story… The rest of the crew all looked to our captain too, periodically glancing over at the steamship to keep an eye on the situation. Silence fell over the _Going Merry_. Not that I thought the crew of the _Salamander_ would've noticed either way.

Panting heavily and bleeding, Shuraiya delivered a punishing kick to the head of the man he'd been fighting. The bounty hunter's opponent went down. Not giving himself a chance to rest, Shuraiya launched himself at the large, blockish man with the defaced marine coat. A huge fist knocked him into the deck with a dismissive thud. The bounty hunter twitched, but didn't seem to have the energy to rise.

Yosaku whistled as he caught a good look at the man who'd so easily pulverized Shuraiya. "That's- Johnny, is that General Gasparde?"

The blue hunter glanced up and nodded. "Yep, looks like."

 _Who?_ Drifter cocked his head to the side as he held up his sign. Geier clacked her beak a couple of times. When a number of us shot him confused looks, the otter shrugged. _What? I don't pay attention to bulletins from other countries- I'm royal police, not a bounty hunter_.

"General Gasparde _was_ a marine captain," Yosaku explained, "Up until he killed a bunch of other officers from his unit and took off with the ship and any soldiers and prisoners who swore loyalty to him as their captain."

Nami's eyes turned to beri symbols. "Another bounty we could hand in?"

"No." Luffy said it quietly, but we all heard him. Nami looked like she wanted to demand an explanation; before she got a chance, my captain shot me a pleading look. I bit my lip and nodded to show I understood. Bounty or no bounty, Luffy was tired of that particular charade. But in order to mollify the sailing master, I had an excuse on hand.

"It was a good plan in the beginning, but we can't do that right now," I told Nami gently. "Soon- the next island I was aware of, so this race is throwing me off- we're gonna be involved in something _big_. Several somethings, actually, including a journey to an island that _flies_. The next time we're likely to meet any marines, it probably won't be friendly. Sorry… We'll have to find other ways to get funding from here on out."

Nami hissed, blowing bangs out of her face as she slumped with disappointment. Luffy blinked at me gratefully; I inclined my head and touched the edge of my hat. Then my captain frowned at me.

" _Jones_ … You said we were heading for a flying island. Did you just break the spoiler rule?"

Tabarnak. _Oops_. I chuckled nervously. "Eheheheh… Sorry…"

"Fist of Love!"

Heavy rubber slammed into my head, ploughing me face-first into the deck. Yeah… Okay, I deserved that. By the time I'd peeled myself free of the wood and regained my feet, Luffy's attitude had changed completely. My captain was dancing around, eyes shining like stars.

"Island in the sky! Island in the sky! So cool!"

 _KRA-KOOM!_

A cannonball whizzed past the _Going Merry_ and crashed into the water just to her port side. Gasparde's crew had finally heard and seen us approaching. Luffy immediately stopped his dancing to become the competent, semi-serious warrior that he was. Ace looked on silently, an approving smile on his face- mixed with a hint of amused surprise.

"Usopp, man the cannon! If they shoot again return fire- right down the barrel of their gun, if you can!" The way he said it, Luffy had no doubt in his mind that Usopp was _that_ good. "Drifter, Geier, take out their rudder! Sanji, Jones, Johnny, Yosaku, go aboard and rescue anybody these assholes captured! Zoro, Ghin, refi- repre- keep them from boarding the _Merry_ in turn! Nami, Lisa, Chopper, be ready to deal with anyone who's hurt! Robin, keep the other guys on deck distracted while I go for that General guy! Ace, help her, but _don't take my fight!_ "

The funny part was, Ace actually started obeying that order without even realizing it, leaping over to board the _Salamander_ alongside me, Sanji, and the hunters. Freckled skin momentarily paled, grey eyes going wide. Ace facepalmed hard enough that both his forehead and his hand momentarily flickered into flame. "I always swore I'd never serve under my baby brother… Pops is my captain, not Luffy… What'm I doing?"

"Ruveyzun los _kinbok_ ," was Ruatha's opinion- not that anyone knew exactly what he was saying. His voice was getting deeper; what would once have been a chirp _rumbled_ against my neck and the back of my head. "Yolkaronahs los _draaz_."

"Thank you for that uplifting… Whatever you said," Ace snorted at my dragon. Some of the pirates belonging to Gasparde's crew began closing in, yelling wildly; Ace turned to face them, his fingers pointing like a child playing at being a cowboy. "Fire Gun!"

Tiny bullets of flame shot out, burning faces and hands and forcing the other pirates to take cover. Except there _was_ no cover; back on the _Going Merry_ , Robin had her arms folded as a myriad of hands bloomed from every visible surface of the _Salamander_. They grabbed for any target they could get, preventing the men from moving, and occasionally choking the ones who were unlucky enough to have their throats within reach.

"Treinta Fleur: Strangle!"

DA-KAKAKAKAKA! Machine gun fire split the air as Drifter and Geier strafed the rear of the _Salamander_ , bullets pinging off metal and tearing through wood. I saw a flash of brown through the _Merry_ 's gun port at the same time as some of Gasparde's men tried to reload one of their deck cannon to fire at her. Before they got a chance to finish, an eight-pound shot flew forth from our merry little caravel, accompanied by a loud whoop from her gunner.

 _KA-CHAKOW! CLANG! BRR-KOOM!_ The air exploded as _Merry_ 's cannon fired; a second later, the cannon that the crew of the _Salamander_ was trying to reload exploded as well.

"Take that! I, the great Usopp, can hit any target my captain asks for, no matter _how_ unrealistic and weird!"

Leaping over arms and entrapped pirates, I ran behind Sanji as we headed for the main hatchway. Johnny and Yosaku headed for a smaller entrance nearer the bow of the ship. As I followed the cook, an idea started to form in my mind. This was a steamship, complete with belching black smoke… That meant there had to be coal on board. I wondered how much of _that_ I might be able to liberate while freeing any prisoners.

X

Luffy's feet slapped against wood as he jumped over to the ugly ship that reeked of smoke. He landed not far from Shuraiya. The bounty hunter was desperately struggling to rise, despite being clearly too beaten and exhausted to do so. Narrow, dark eyes glared up at Luffy from beneath bangs matted with rainwater and fresh blood. "You… What're you doing here? Go away! Gasparde's mine!"

Glancing up at the General guy- who was simply looking on in cocky, slightly confused amusement- Luffy crouched down beside Shuraiya. The rubber boy poked the bounty hunter's cheek. "Nope. He's mine now. Get in line."

Standing back up, Luffy felt something warm wrap around his ankle. A hand. He looked down at Shuraiya, who was clinging to his leg with what little strength he had left. The young captain frowned. "What're you doing? You can't fight anymore, and I have some bones to pick with this asshole. Let me deal with him."

"No!" Shuraiya was angry, desperate- and that anger was giving him the strength to slowly inch his way back to his feet. He released Luffy's ankle as he rose. "I- I have to be the one to kill him! It's my- my revenge! All I have left! I have to kill Gasparde- and then die myself. It's the only way to make things right!"

That was a _very_ strange thing to say- and Luffy lived with Jones, so he knew all about saying strange things. "That's stupid. Whatever he did, killing him and yourself won't fix it. No one can fix anything if they're dead. You wanna fix whatever happened? _Live_."

"I _can't_." Luffy couldn't tell whether the words that came out of Shuraiya's mouth were supposed to be a whine or a snarl. "What he did… Me living… No matter what I do, no matter how hard I fight, it's not something I can fix. And what I've _become_ hunting him down… The world has no place for men like me."

"You're being stupid." Luffy pushed Shuraiya over backwards. It didn't take much- the bounty hunter was barely standing as it was. "If you don't like who you are, _do something about it_. Try harder, cut your hair, do something _different_ that makes you closer to who you _want_ to be. As long as you're _alive_ , you have a chance to make things _better_." Man, Luffy was getting more experience than he'd ever thought he'd need at this. First Ace, then Jones, now Robin and Shuraiya… Did he somehow attract people who needed the will to live talked back into them, the way rotten fruit attracted flies?

Shuraiya tried to rise again, opened his mouth to protest… So Luffy cracked him over the head. The bounty hunter went down, eyes spinning, slumped against the rail of the _Salamander_. Shaking his head, Luffy turned back to face Gasparde. "You think about that while I beat up the General guy."

The large blond no longer looked amused. He stared down at Luffy with narrow, beady eyes. They reminded the rubber captain of an angry boar. "You're going to beat me. _Really?_ How and why do you plan on doing that?"

"We had a fake eternal pose that pointed at a marine base. You didn't." Luffy cracked his knuckles with a rubbery pop. "I think that means you cheated- _you_ made it so we got the fake pose. And even if I'm wrong… You did something _bad_ to Shuraiya, so you're probably an asshole. So I'm gonna beat you."

"Heheh. Well, you're right- I _am_ the one who arranged for you and all the other crews to get fake poses." Gasparde smiled- or, Luffy _thought_ it was supposed to be a smile. It was hard to tell with that blocky face; the expression also looked kind of constipated, or like Gasparde was trying to eat his own nose. "As for your complaint about the bounty hunter… I don't remember ever doing anything to that whelp. And even if I did, why should you care? You're not friends. In fact, from the way you two were going at it in the bar last night, I'd say you were _enemies_."

Luffy glanced at Shuraiya out of the corner of his eye. "He underestimated me and my crew because I don't have a bounty," the rubber captain said quietly. "He thought I needed Ace to fight my battles for me, that I'm _weak_. I hate that- but I don't hate _him_."

"You, though…" Luffy glared up at Gasparde, "You're an _asshole_. I hate assholes- pirates, marines, anyone."

"And how do you know that?" Gasparde spread his arms wide. "All I've done is fake a few log poses in order to win a race- surely even goody-two-shoes kiddie pirates like yourself lie and cheat on occasion? To get something you really want?"

"So what you really want is _money?_ " Luffy snorted. "That's a pretty lame dream." Yeah, Nami liked money, but it wasn't her _dream_. Her _map_ was her _dream_.

Gasparde snorted. "It's not a dream, boy. Rookies like you, high on dreams- you're all such suckers. Money, power… I may hate the sea, but if I can have those, I can rule it. Dreams don't matter. The only thing that matters is who's on top, and I intend to make sure that's _me_."

Not _another_ one. Luffy groaned, barely able to resist the urge to facepalm. "Why are there so _many_ of you assholes? Axe Guy, Claw Guy, Krieg, Arlong, the dummy marine who was after the dragons, that weird family on Clockwork Island, Crocodile… You guys all piss me off! Gum-Gum Pistol!"

Luffy snapped a punch towards Gasparde. The other captain didn't raise a hand or weapon to block, didn't try to get out of the way… All he did was start laughing. "AHAHAHAHAHA!" And an instant later, Luffy knew why. Instead of hitting flesh, his punch sank into sticky green goo- which then hardened around his hand, preventing him from pulling it back.

"You'll never beat me with just a silly little paramecia fruit, boy." Gasparde smirked down at Luffy. Grabbing the rubber boy's stretched arm, the older captain dragged him in. "I ate the Candy-Candy Fruit- it's a logia. Everyone knows those are the most powerful kind of Devil Fruits." Once he had Luffy drawn in close, Gasparde slammed a punch into his stomach. The rubber boy flew backwards, arm still trapped. His back slammed into one of the masts of the _Salamander_ hard enough to break it. The upper part fell sideways, tip coming down to drag in the sea as the wood snapped in two.

Standing up, Luffy spat out a couple splinters that had gotten in his mouth when the mast fell. "Punches won't work on me. I'm made of rubber."

Pulling hard on his still trapped arm, Luffy brought Gasparde skidding across the deck towards him. When the older pirate was close enough, the rubber boy stuck out his tongue and licked Gasparde's nose. The blockish captain was left stunned. As for Luffy…

"Ew! That's gross! I thought you said you were made of candy!" Blech! That was bitter and nasty! Like eating Chopper's medical experiments, or Johnny and Yosaku's pranks!

A swift kick to the stomach sent Gasparde staggering backwards and allowed Luffy to pull his hand back. Huh. So the bitter candy guy was only sticky _sometimes_. Maybe he couldn't turn into candy when he was surprised or grossed out? Well, Luffy could work with that.

"You little-!" Candy limbs deformed, then hardened into shiny green spikes. Gasparde lunged forwards, stabbing rapidly at Luffy. For a few minutes the young captain could do nothing but dodge- and even that wasn't really enough. For someone so large, Gasparde was fast. Out of every five stabs, two nicked Luffy as he failed to leap away quite fast enough. Shallow lines were soon dripping blood down his arms, legs, and sides; his vest was full of tears. And then one of the candy spears got him right below his right collarbone.

 _That_ one _**hurt**_.

"Argh!" Luffy skidded backwards on the rain slicked deck, automatically reaching up to clutch his wounded shoulder. Dark red welled up around his fingers. Ace- who'd been busy knocking out the last few of the crew members he and Robin had been fighting- looked over with concern.

"Do you want me to handle him, Lu?"

" _NO!_ " Luffy did _not_ need his big brother to fight his battles! He was a pirate captain now, dammit! Gritting his teeth, the rubber boy jumped at Gasparde with a snarl. "Gum-Gum Axe! Gum-Gum Rifle!"

A twisting, spinning rubber fist crashed into Gasparde's chest a second after Luffy's foot smashed down on the man's collarbone. Both limbs stuck fast. Green spikes of candy flew forwards, aimed at Luffy's face- Gasparde was using part of the candy as squishy, stretchy tentacles, then hardening the tip. Luffy wrenched himself free and rolled backwards just in time to avoid being impaled.

Gasparde made a face. "Ouch. That twisting one actually hurt a little." Then he shot more spiky tentacles at Luffy, forcing the rubber boy to dodge and leap around the deck. Like the animals for which his family was named, the young captain took to the tangled rigging in an attempt to make himself harder to hit. It helped a little- the lines bounced and twisted in the wind- but keeping a grip on the sopping rope was hard. And he'd still have to drop down to use most of his best attacks.

"Gum-Gum Spear!" Jamming his feet down towards Gasparde's head nearly got him stuck again; Luffy snapped his legs back and hit the deck in a roll, more candy tentacles chasing him. Eventually he took shelter behind a cannon, hoping for a brief reprieve. Dammit, how was he supposed to hit this guy?!

This was one of the times that Haki stuff Sabo had taught them about might be useful, wasn't it? But no one had managed to use it yet. Luffy growled. "Gum-Gum Gatling!"

Hitting fast seemed to keep him from getting stuck right away, at least. The problem was that he didn't seem to be doing much damage to Gasparde, and eventually the green candy goo caught Luffy's hands once more. Gasparde drew him in and grabbed him, holding him up with one hand. The older pirate flung Luffy over the side of the _Salamander_ ; rubber fingers barely managed to close over the rail fast enough to keep the rubber pirate from falling into the sea. Noticing this, Gasparde raced over, one hand morphing into candy spike tentacle as he prepared to strike. Luffy planted his feet on the hull of the ship and stretched back, preparing for a Gum-Gum Rocket that would hopefully knock Gasparde into the water.

 _ **KA-POOM!**_

Something inside the ship _exploded_ , sending everyone on deck reeling. Ace, who'd been standing right on top of whatever blew up, was flung clear of the _Salamander_ ; Nami had to dive into the water to pull him out. Several of Gasparde's unconscious crew members were sent flying as well. The blond captain, meanwhile, staggered and spun as he struggled for balance. Seawater rushed into the hole the explosion had made in the hull; the _Salamander_ slowly started to sink.

"Gum-Gum Rocket!" Luffy flung himself into the air. Once he was flying, he immediately reached down to grab the mast, which he heaved up to his level and aimed like a spear as he came down next to Gasparde. "Gum-Gum Bouquet!"

Wood stabbed through candy syrup with a sickening squelch. Droplets of green flew everywhere. Gasparde coughed violently, convulsing for a minute as the broken mast stabbed into his back. He was definitely in pain- and _some_ of the oozing syrup had blood mixed into it this time. Then, ever so slowly, green goo began pushing the mast out of his body. Luffy watched in amazement as it fell away, taking a significant portion of the _Salamander_ 's rails with it.

"Ouch…" Gasarde's voice was hoarse with pain; he spat out a mix of blood and candy, and he didn't seem able to stand up straight. "That _really_ hurt. You'll pay for that!"

More candy goo tentacles chased Luffy around, whipping and stabbing. The young captain held his hat on with a frown as he dodged. This was getting annoying! The candy man only had a couple of tricks, but they were pretty damn effective- Luffy couldn't seem to hurt him badly at all! Well, the mast had, maybe, but he wasn't likely to be able to pull something like that again. Grabbing the second mast- the one that was still standing tall- Luffy swung himself over the serpentine mass of goo tentacles and struck downwards. His only hope was that Gasparde, unable to stand straight, wouldn't be able to react in time if he attacked from above.

"Gum-Gum Spear!"

"Gya!" This time, Luffy's attack knocked Gasparde's face into the deck. The rubber boy paid for it though; one of the candy spears caught him in the thigh as he was coming down, punching a hole in the big muscle. Luffy winced as he landed, unable to put his weight on that leg.

 _ **KA-FA-THOOM!**_

Another thing inside the ship exploded, tearing the _Salamander_ 's hull clean in two. She started sinking much faster now, water rushing into her broken halves. Luffy and Gasparde were both sent staggering. The rubber boy grabbed onto a line to keep himself from falling into the water as the part of the ship he and the other captain were fighting on went nearly vertical. On the other section, he saw Johnny and Yosaku emerge from a hatch. Both were streaked with tar and coal dust; there was a small child in baggy, grubby clothes tucked under the green hunter's arm. Little fists pounded uselessly against his side as Yosaku carried the kid towards the _Going Merry_.

"Put me down! I have to go get Grandpa Biera!"

Yosaku shook his head. "Sorry Li'l Sis- I have my orders. Gotta get you out. Don't worry 'bout your grandpa though; Big Sis Jones or Big Bro Sanji will get him out."

Johnny leapt to the _Going Merry_ and held out his arms; Yosaku threw the child to his partner before jumping over himself. The kid- from the way they were shrieking, Luffy thought they might be a girl, but he couldn't tell- struggled hard, almost making Johnny drop her. She even _bit_ the blue hunter as he guided her over to Chopper to be checked out.

More spiked candy tentacles shot at Luffy as he dangled from the unbroken mast; the young captain swung himself out of the way and released his hold, flying across to cling to one of the _Salamander_ 's rails. There was nowhere to stand, really, with the segments of the ship going vertical as they sank, so it took Luffy a minute to spot his opponent. Ah, there. Gasparde was standing on a cannon not to far above the rising waterline, stiffly preparing to climb up the rails.

A hatch near Luffy's dangling feet popped open, revealing Sanji. The cook had a cigarette clenched between his teeth, though it was unlit; he was also carrying what looked like two sacks of flour. Luffy wondered what those were for. Sanji huffed as he looked out over the remains of the _Salamander_.

"Looks like you need to finish this quick, huh? Dammit, I _told_ Jones to try and stall." Reaching around carefully, Sanji placed the bags of flour up on the rail beside Luffy. "Here. Found his log while I was down there; this should help with the shitty Devil Fruit it said he had."

Then the cook spied Shuraiya, still unconscious, draped across a cannon just above the waterline. "Want me to get that one, Shit Captain?"

"Yeah…" The bounty hunter probably didn't count as a prisoner, but since he wasn't _actually_ on Gasparde's crew, they should save him too. Although with him and the little kid and the grandpa the kid had mentioned, they'd have to stop at a nearby island to drop people off before continuing on their adventure. But that was fine; it wouldn't take long.

Sanji nodded and dropped down to where Shuraiya lay. Heaving the bounty hunter up onto his shoulders, the cook glanced back at Luffy. "Need anything else while I'm here?"

"No, I think I'm good."

Nodding and leaping away, Sanji bounced through the _Salamander_ 's rigging on his way to the _Going Merry_. Luffy turned his attention to the sacks his cook had left behind with a frown. How was flour supposed to help him fight a man made of candy goo?! Flour wasn't a weapon! It was for making bread! Shaking his head, the rubber boy calmed himself down. After all, Sanji was a cook. If anyone knew about flour and candy, it was him. So when the next candy spear tentacle tried to stab him, Luffy flung one of the bags of flour in its way.

Fabric tore violently at the impact, sending a shower of white powder cascading down. Some of it also puffed up in Luffy's face, surrounding him with a cloud of white that made him sneeze. It didn't last long though; the rain weighed the floating powder down soon enough.

Down below, Gasparde was now covered in caked bits of flour. Kind of like Ace had been the one time Makino tried to bake with them. That memory made Luffy smile. His opponent, however, was most certainly _not_ smiling as he climbed slowly up the rails. And then Gasparde flung out more spear tentacles. Luffy grabbed the remaining bag of flour and swung out of the way, wondering what he'd done wrong. The flour didn't seem to be doing much to the candy man _at all_.

Maybe he needed to be closer?

Swinging down through the rigging, Luffy flung his remaining bag of flour right in Gasparde's face with enough force that the bag _exploded_. White powder erupted around them, engulfing the candy man completely. When the rain cleared the air, Gasparde was still white. Unlike Luffy's rubber body, his candy goo made at least some of the flower stick to his skin and clothes in a thin layer.

Then Luffy kicked Gasparde in his ugly face and grinned, because that _worked_ and he didn't _stick_ and Sanji was a _genius_. He loved his crew so much!

"Gum-Gum Gatling!" Luffy let fly with a flurry of punches as he fell from the rigging to land on the slick surface of the mast proper. Gasparde curled in on himself and covered his head with one arm- but every punch still hit _something_ and Luffy still wasn't getting caught in sticky candy goo. The older captain eventually managed to grab one of Luffy's arms and yank him closer with a loud snap; the rubber boy turned this into an opportunity to launch an elastic-assisted flying side kick into his opponent's gut before grabbing onto the rail.

Gasparde tried punching him again, but Luffy didn't mind that so much. With no more stabbing candy spears, the blond man couldn't open up any new wounds- although the ones Luffy already _had_ bled a little more heavily when he was hit or if he moved around too much. He should probably get to Chopper so the reindeer could close those up.

Releasing his hold on the rail, the rubber captain pulled his arms back as he fell, preparing an attack. "Gum-Gum Bazooka!" He struck Gasparde in the chest at point-blank range. The older pirate, already weakened by flour and the injury to his back, was knocked clear of the rails and sent flying down into the sea. The candy pirate landed in slate grey water with a deceptively small splash.

Flinging his arm back, Luffy groped for the rail- and missed. He didn't have time for a second try; the rubber pirate hit the water face first, a glorious belly flop. His body felt suddenly heavy. Flailing sluggishly, Luffy slowly sank into the water ahead of the broken ship. A trail of blood bloomed through the water behind him.

X

"This one's all clear!" I shouted as I emerged from the galley of the _Salamander_. "Looks like no one's been there for a while- the bread's got mold on it!" And I'd been too slow to prevent Ruatha _eating_ some of that moldy bread- I really hoped my dragon had a good immune system.

"Could be they just don't have a good cook," Johnny offered as he poked his head out of the head. "Not every crew can have a Big Bro Sanji, after all. Oh, and the head's clear too."

"Ouch! God fucking dammit!" Yosaku's voice echoed from inside a nearby cargo hold. There was a loud thumping noise, then rapid footsteps echoed against wood. The green hunter emerged into the hallway covered in grease and coal dust, a little girl tucked under one arm. She was gnawing on a loose bit of his sleeve in an attempt to escape. In his other hand, Yosaku held a battered flintlock pistol. "This Li'l Sis tried to shoot me!"

I crouched down and poked the girl in the forehead, startling her into giving up her attempt to chew through Yosaku's coat. "Hey, calm down. Are you a crew member or a prisoner?"

"What? Who're you?!" The little girl tried to bite my finger. I pulled my hand back; Ruatha hissed. Paling, the little girl froze, eyes blowing wide with fear.

"My name is Jones; these are Ruatha, Johnny and Yosaku. If you're a prisoner, our captain sent us to get you out."

"I, uh…" the little girl couldn't meet my eyes. Actually, her gaze was fixed on Ruatha's. "Grandpa Biera'n me are Gasparde's… We tend the steam engine! He makes us… Can you really get us out?"

"Of course we can. And I bet our captain is kicking Gasparde's ass right now." I ruffled the girl's hair. "So… Where's your grandpa? We'll get him too."

"Down… Grandpa's down in the engine room!" The girl rubbed her eyes, fighting back tears. "You go through the hold Yo- Yosaku found me in- there's a hatch on the other side. I'll show you."

Sanji joined us before we could go two steps, popping out of a nearby door. "That cabin was a shitty _mess_ \- but it's clear. Only thing was Gasparde's shitty captain's log." The cook huffed and smirked. "I must be cooking with too much honey lately, cause my fingers are pretty sticky." Sanji pulled a small book out of his pocket and waved it around.

"Anything useful in there?" I asked absently. Most of my attention was on wondering whether or not there would be any of Gasparde's crew mates guarding the engines. Sanji nodded.

"Five years ago, Gasparde ate a shitty Devil Fruit. Candy-Candy Fruit. Our shitty captain could be in for a nasty surprise."

A Candy-Candy-? Wow. That was weird even by Devil Fruit standards. I had no idea whether that would be a paramecia or logia type. Frowning, I looked at the cook. He shook his head before I could say anything. "Already working on it Jones. Leave it to me; I know candy and stuff better than you. I'll get the shitty captain what he needs, since he'll prob'ly still insist on fighting the candy shithead on his own. You just keep worrying about the prisoners. Galley's clear, right?"

"Yeah, the galley's clear." I waved the cook on. Johnny, Yosaku, and I continued into the cargo hold with the little girl. Ruatha hissed at shadows as we walked, his fangs gleaming with saliva, almost daring something to come fight us.

We were halfway across the room when, somewhere below our feet, something exploded. A hole tore open in the floor; the blast flung me and my dragon away from the hunters and the girl. I closed my eyes and covered my head, rolling as I hit the floor. Ruatha shrieked and clung to me so tightly that his claws carved slices out of my shoulders. Heat blistered and rolled around me momentarily, like being caught in a sauna that had also been lit on _fire_. It was mostly gone an instant later My roll nearly carried me into the sea; the explosion had left a section of hull splintered and _gone_.

In my not-so-professional opinion, it looked like a boiler had just blown. Or maybe a large pipe, at the very least.

When I looked up, Johnny and Yosaku were on the other side of a fifteen-foot gap. The girl was dangling over the open space it revealed. Yosaku hauled her up; she fought against him as he held her back. "I need to get Grandpa Biera!"

"Where's the hatch?" Johnny asked as Yosaku wrapped his arm around the girl's shoulders. "Where's your grandfather?"

The girl pointed at my side of the hole. She tugged against Yosaku's grip, almost pulling free and tumbling over the edge; her face was streaked with tear stripes in coal dust. Then the ship began to list as water rushed in the hole in the hull. The girl stumbled against Yosaku as the floor tilted. Water began to fill the room below; clouds of steam soon followed.

I had no idea if the _Salamander_ had multiple boilers, or if the one that had already blown was finished with us. Merde, I barely even know how boilers and steam engines _work_. Off to my left, I could see a hatchway leading down below; it must be the one the girl meant. By the time I decided what to do, the ship was listing well towards me, her floor at a good thirty-degree angle. Barrels rolled across the floor of the hold as I got to my feet. I increased the friction between myself and the wood to compensate for the angle.

"Johnny, Yosaku, get her out of here!"

"But-!"

"Big Sis!

The little girl tried to bite Yosaku again to get away. She couldn't do anything though, and I wasn't about to risk her if the boiler had any more surprises or companions in store. I couldn't do the Voice like Sabo, didn't have the authority of Luffy or Zoro's power. All I could do was shoot the hunters a glare, my eyes as wide as possible as my scars twisted my face into a fearsome snarl. Ruatha hissed to emphasize my words. "That's an order, sailors! Get her out of here! _I'll_ find her grandfather!"

Johnny looked like he was about to protest; Yosaku kicked him in the back of the leg and nodded towards the door. With one last glance back at me, the hunters headed back out the way we'd come. When the girl didn't immediately follow them, Yosaku picked her up under his arm. She continued to squirm and protest on the way out.

I went for the hatch- then decided at the last minute that it would be faster to just jump through the hole. Waist-deep water sapped my strength as I landed. It was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other, swinging my head from side to side and looking for any sign of a man old enough to qualify as a grandfather. Ruatha crooned with concern. Going down the hatch instead of jumping wouldn't have helped with that, though. The water was everywhere.

Limp muscles forced me to lean on whatever I could in order to support myself as the water grew deeper. I climbed on top of barrels and crates when I could; they offered a small amount of relief. It helped that about half the ship was uphill from me. The water was shallower in some areas, or at least not rising as fast. My head spun. So weak… I usually love my powers, but this side effect was a _bitch_ of an inconvenience. In an effort to make me feel better, Ruatha slithered down off my back, walking beside me and letting me lean in him. That helped a little.

Staggering around a heap of crates, I found myself standing between towering heaps of coal. Directly in front of me was a massive boiler, a brilliant fire roaring away beneath her. An old man stood in front of the boiler, leaning on a shovel and wiping a mix of sweat and coal from his forehead with one hand. The water was up to his knees, cold and clammy; he didn't seem to notice. Steam rose up in front of him where the water met the firebox.

"Sir!" I sloshed through the water towards him, nearly falling to my knees. Tabarnak… My muscles felt like they were made of overcooked spaghetti. Ruatha more or less held me upright with his head, crooning sadly and looking up at me with blue eyes full of reproach. "Sir, is your name Biera?"

The old man turned to look at me, his greasy, threadbare cap flopping over his eyes. "I- Yes. Who told you that?"

"Your granddaughter. I'm here to get you out." I leaned heavily against one of the heaps of coal to give Ruatha a break. On a whim, I slipped several handfuls into one of my pockets. The _Salamander_ was going down; it wasn't like she'd need them anymore, regardless of what was happening between Luffy and Gasparde.

Biera's eyes widened with fear. "You- you knew Adelle was a girl? But her disguise-!"

"May be enough to fool a bunch of morganeers who don't give a damn, but doesn't hold up when people actually _care_. Now come _on_ ; I have to get you out of here."

"No." Biera turned away from me, back to the boiler. He coughed into his sleeve before continuing. "I've been with this girl since the beginning, and I'll see her through to the end."

"I can't let you do that." Stumbling forwards through the rising water, I made to grab the old man by the arm. Biera turned slightly; I would've staggered past and landed on my face had he not grabbed me by the back of my bandoliers and held me upright.

"You're a Devil Fruit user, aren't you? Get out of here; if you stay much longer, you'll lose all strength and drown."

"Your granddaughter wants you out, and my captain ordered me to rescue any prisoners I could find." Trying to straighten, I couldn't really manage. My breath was coming in heavy pants as I fought the ocean-borne fatigue; salt water swirled around my waist and inched upwards. It was level with Ruatha's head now; my dragon swam circles around me and Biera, paddling with his wings and tail. "I can't leave you here."

"You must." Biera pushed me back the way I'd come, towards the hatch that I hadn't used. That light force nearly overthrew my balance.

I was just getting my feet back under me when something pinged beside me. Biera hesitated; I froze and looked around. A bolt rolled on top of a crate in front of me. I glanced back at the old man. "The thing that blew earlier… Was it an auxiliary boiler type thing, or a pipe?"

"Auxiliary boiler?" Biera raised an eyebrow. "The _Salamander_ only has _one_ boiler."

…

 _Tabarnak_.

Concussive force blasted into my back, sending me tumbling into the water in front of me. Biera landed on my back. Heat washed over us; so much _heat_. Almost like being tackled by Ace again. The shriek of tearing steel set my ears to ringing. It was followed in less than half a second by a hundred cracking, popping noises as wood split and splintered. The plopping noises that came afterwards, as bits of wood and steel fell into the water, were massively anticlimactic.

When I raised my head, the floor was tilting even more than before, water rushing up towards my neck. I didn't have the strength to move anymore; I could barely hold my head up. Ruatha tried to help, nudging me with his head, but he wasn't strong enough to move me yet. Even from where I was, I could see the source of the new influx of water. The ship had been split in two, a massive chunk missing where the boiler had been. My half was sinking slightly more slowly than the other, but that doesn't mean much when you can't swim.

Biera pulled a bunch of life preservation rings from a hidden corner. He squashed himself through about six of them, then shoved two more over me. Grabbing my hand, the old man began dragging me through the water. "Come on Missie. Let's get out of here."

My brain was going hazy; it took a few seconds for me to process those words. "But I thought you said-?"

"That I'd see this girl through to the end? Aye, that I did. But I have no intention of going down with her now that she'd gone." Biera continued to pull me along, dragging me through the water. Ruatha chirped happily and swam after us. "I don't mean to die just yet. Of course, getting out of here would be easier if I didn't have a Devil Fruit user to shepherd around- you should've left when I told you."

"Sorry…" I _tried_ to move, to walk under my own power, but with that much seawater, it just wasn't happening. Not until Biera started heaving me up a ladder, pulling me out. The feeling came back into my limbs as we rose to the next level, where there wasn't much water yet. Of course, it was coming up quickly, and we'd brought a fair bit with us. My clothes felt like they were made of soaked lead. The floor continued to tilt, steeper and steeper, until we were basically climbing doorways and hatches and light fixtures like some bizarre funhouse ladder. Ruatha, unable to reach most of the holds, climbed back to his accustomed place on my shoulders; I winced as his claws stung the slices he'd made earlier.

It probably only took us a couple of minutes to get out to the deck- although it felt like forever. Once we emerged from the hatch, Biera immediately began climbing the rails and things towards a nearby landing craft. I made to follow- and then froze at a loud cry from the other half of the sinking ship.

"Gum-Gum Bazooka!"

I saw my captain slam Gasparde down into the water, watched with mounting horror as Luffy missed when he tried to grab a rail. The smack when he hit the water was a loud, echoing noise, even over the wind and rain. Red bloomed in the water; my blood ran cold.

" _LUFFY!_ "

What followed was what I'm going to declare the greatest derp of my life. Despite having _just_ gotten my strength back after being pulled out of the water, I immediately forgot about by Devil Fruit and dove in. Ruatha keened as we fell, wrapping himself around me more tightly and opening his wings. He couldn't stop our descent, though; he didn't actually know how to fly yet, and even if he did, he wasn't large enough to carry me. He tried though… My poor little dragon flapped until he dislodged a few scales, his wings straining.

He probably would've kept flapping even longer, but then I hit the water and started sinking like a brick. Ruatha immediately unwound from my shoulders and swam under me, trying to push me upwards. He was too small though. I waved weakly towards Luffy, barely visible through the blue-grey water. "Him. See if you can save the captain." Of course, all that came out of my mouth was a stream of bubbles, so I don't think Ruatha heard or understood.

The last thing I saw before my vision went black was my dragon opening his mouth as if to scream, a bubble the size of a beach ball shooting out far faster than I thought bubbles could go.

X

Burning lungs. That was the first coherent thought I had. I shot up, coughing- and immediately bounced my head off something that felt like a heavy winter tire. Opening my eyes, I found myself staring into deep pools of darkest brown. My captain. Luffy was in the same state as me- dazed, drained, and coughing up enough water to fill a kiddie pool. But at least we were both alive. The surface beneath us bobbed up and down in the waves of the slowly-abating storm- the little landing craft Biera had taken from the _Salamander_.

"Monah!" Within a second of sitting up, Ruatha ploughed into my chest. My dragon started licking my face, tail lashing happily. I grabbed his snout and shoved him off.

"Down boy! That's gross!" Wiping dragon spit off my face, I turned to look at Luffy. "You okay captain?"

"Yep!" Luffy beamed and bounced in place. Then we both turned to the stern of the little boat, where Biera was sitting and steering. The old man chuckled and shook his head.

"You kids are lucky I managed to get you out in time. I'm an old man, you know; I'm not as strong as I used to be, and you two are heavier than you look."

"Shishishishishi! Thanks old guy!" Luffy waved enthusiastically, even though Biera was sitting less than half a meter away. Then my captain bounced to his feet- nearly capsizing the tiny boat in the process- and shaded his eyes as he looked around. "Hey! Can you guys see the _Going Merry_?"

I looked around, but I couldn't see anything over the waves. And Ruatha's attempts at searching were adorable, but fruitless- they did nothing besides make him look like a cute, scaly periscope. Biera just shrugged; he'd never even seen the _Going Merry_ , probably. When no one answered him, Luffy immediately began yelling.

"OI! NAMI! ZORO! GHIN! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?!"

For a few long seconds, no one answered. I was just starting to worry that we'd gone too far for them to hear us when voices echoed across the water. They were followed seconds later by the sight of a Jolly Roger bobbing above the waves. "Luffy? Sanji, turn us fifteen degrees to starboard! I see Luffy and Jones!"

The _Merry_ came around quickly, pulling up alongside Biera's little boat. Zoro dropped a couple of lines, which I tied to each end of the tiny craft so the bosun could haul us up. We'd barely taken a step on deck when the little girl I'd sent with Johnny and Yosaku jumped at us and tackled the old man in a forceful hug. "Grandpa Biera!"

"Don't worry dear, I'm alright." The old man hugged his granddaughter- then immediately proved his words wrong by coughing into her greasy cap. She flinched and looked up at him in concern.

Chopper came trotting over before the little girl could say anything to Biera. "Sir, you most certainly are _not_ okay. Please come with me and let me perform an examination; I'm a doctor."

"You're a doctor?" Biera's voice was dubious. Then the little reindeer shifted from Walk Point to Heavy Point, and the old man's eyes went wide. Biera pried himself free of his granddaughter and patted her on the head. "Alright. You stay here Adelle. I'm sure I'll be alright with the reindeer doctor."

Nodding and wiping watery eyes, the little girl stepped back. Biera patted her one more time before following Chopper to the galley for his checkup. Oddly enough, Shuraiya- who was curled into a bony ball at the base of the mast- flinched at the sound of Adelle's name.

Luffy marched over to stand in front of the bounty hunter, folding his arms. "I dealt with Gasparde. Just like I said I would."

Shuraiya's voice was quiet and raspy, choked. "I didn't ask you to."

"Yeah. But I did anyway." Luffy frowned. "Now I just have to decide what to do with _you_."

Flinching, Shuraiya looked up for the first time. "I- I'm sorry about what I said about what I said- about you and your crew, I mean."

Luffy shook his head. "That's not what I meant. You said you want to die- I don't like that. People who give up _hope_ \- it's such a _waste_. Everyone's good for _something_ , and the only way you can make your life _better_ is by _fighting_ for it."

"There's nothing left for me to fight _for_ ," Shuraiya snapped. "Gasparde's men killed my sister ten years ago- avenging her was all I had. And you even took _that_ away from me."

My captain looked like he was about to say something, but he was stopped by Ace putting a hand on his shoulder. "What was your sister's name?" the freckled pirate asked.

Shuraiya blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Tell me about your sister," Ace ordered gently. "What was her name? What did she like to do?" Stepping away from Luffy, the firecracker sat down by the base of the mast, at right angles to the bounty hunter. "I lost a brother once, you know. Lu and I both. Course, we were lucky; we got Sabo back."

"Adelle…" From raspy to shaking- Shuraiya seemed like he could barely get the words out. "My sister's name was Adelle Bascud. She liked dancing, and she loved to sing- even if she was a bit clumsy and tone-deaf." The bounty hunter ended his description with a forced chuckle. Although it sounded more like a strangled cough.

Adelle sniffled, peering over at Shuraiya. "You… Grandpa Biera says _my_ name is Adelle Bascud. It was on my bracelet when he found me."

"Found-?" Shuraiya's head snapped up. His eyes were filled with- hope?

"Grandpa Biera pulled me out of the water when I was little. He brought me on the _Salamander_ when Gasparde captured him, and convinced the pirates I was a boy and his assistant so they'd let me live." Adelle reached into the pocket of her overalls and rummaged around for a minute, then pulled out a string of dirty beads. She dangled it in front of Shuraiya hesitantly; the bounty hunter's face lit up.

"I- That bracelet. I made that for my sister's fourth birthday."

Rising, Shuraiya leaned forwards as if to hug Adelle- then pulled back at the last moment. He looked at his own hands as if he didn't recognize them, distaste filling his eyes. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Shuraiya glanced at the deck off to one side. "I- I'm glad he was there to save you."

Adelle just stared up at him for a long, long time. After a few minutes, she cocked her head to the side, puzzled. Shuraiya frowned. "What's wrong?"

"If you're my big brother… Why did you stop?" The little girl motioned towards the bounty hunter's hands. Shuraiya slumped and turned away.

"Because I don't deserve to hold you. Not after some of the things I've done. I- I'm not proud of the road I took chasing Gasparde."

 _Flump_. Adelle collided with her brother's back, wrapping her arms around his waist. Shuraiya stiffened, stunned. "I'm not proud of some of the things I did either," the little girl said quietly. "The night before the race, I stole a pistol and went looking for bounties- Grandpa was sick, and Gasparde said if I brought him the head of one of his competitors, he'd give me the money to get medicine. But I couldn't find any posters for people I thought I could fight."

"No…" Somehow turning in his sister's arms, Shuraiya bent down to hug Adelle tightly. "You shouldn't have had to do that. I- I'm glad you didn't find anyone; it means your hands are still clean. I'm sorry- so sorry."

"What're you apologizing for?" Adelle pulled back. Then she held out her greasy, coal-encrusted hands. "And whose hands are you calling clean? I spent all my life digging in the coal and fixing the boiler- I bet your hands are all soft and fluffy like a towel!"

"Hey! Who're you calling fluffy?!" Shuraiya smiled in spite of himself. Sticking her tongue out, Adelle poked him and raced off across the deck; her older brother hesitated for a moment, then took off after her.

From his position by the mast, Ace smiled. He watched Adelle and Shuraiya for a moment, then pulled his hat forwards over his eyes in preparation for a nap. Chuckling, Luffy sat down and took his place beside his older brother, tugging golden straw down in a mimicry of orange felt.

"Shishishishishi!"

X

Sailing on towards Partia- we'd managed to get the _real_ eternal pose from the wreckage of the _Salamander_ \- we were met with sunny skies as the storm faded away. There was no sign of any other pirate crews as we sailed. Probably most of them had sunk each other, and the remainder had been tricked by Gasparde's fake poses and run into Navarone. I didn't say anything about that to Luffy though. He probably would've been unhappy if I commented and explained our easy win.

Of course, that assumed there _was_ still a race to win. It could very well have been a hoax orchestrated by Gasparde, void after his defeat.

Leaning back against the rail, I put the finishing touches on a couple of manuscripts and set them off to the side. Now I just needed to send them off. It was a little later than I'd hoped for, but it should still work. With nothing else to do until I was called for steering or rigging related purposes, I pulled one of the lumps of coal I'd taken from the _Salamander_ out of my pocket. Seeing all that coal had given me an idea; now I wanted to test it.

Before that, though, I drummed my fist on my knee for a while, until I'd built up enough force to make myself feel sick. I'd need a lot of it for what I wanted to do- wasn't even sure if one full charge would be enough. Completely enclosing the coal in my hands, I began releasing force from all sides, as steady as I could.

"Under Pressure!"

Compressing the coal drained my charge quickly. Straining my attention, I absorbed the friction between myself and the deck, turning that into more pressure between my hands. I slid across the _Merry_ as I focused on my task. Adelle, Biera, and Shuraiya stared; everyone else ignored it as just another one of my shenanigans.

The coal heated up between my hands- first pleasantly, then uncomfortably. As I applied more and more force, the lump slowly shrank. This made it easier to wrap my hands around my burden, but also meant I was more subject to the heat. I held on as long as I could; when the heat finally became too much to bear, I released a final burst of force and dropped the coal.

Except it wasn't coal anymore. What landed on the deck was a tiny, steaming stone that glittered glassy, slightly yellowish light. I grinned. So my idea was right. Pulling out the other lumps I'd taken, I got to work.

It took several hours to complete this task- I had to pause after every couple of stones and shake my hands out to release the heat. Even so, I had minor burns by the time I was done. I also had a bad headache and a trickle of blood running down from my left nostril, but I didn't care. I was ecstatic. Because this? This meant my powers didn't just make me bullet-proof; they made me Nami-proof as well.

Rising, I gathered my stones and practically skipped over to where Nami was marking our course. Ruatha galloped along beside me. I dropped the handful of stones I'd made onto the sailing master's table, clearing my throat loudly to make sure she heard me. Nami jumped; she'd been rather intently focused.

"There. Paid in full."

"What?" Nami glanced up at me, then down at the stones. "Jones… What's this? What do you mean, paid in full?"

"My debt. You know, the one you slapped on me for accidentally taking down the wall in the bathhouse?" I nodded towards the stones. "Those should be more than enough to pay 50,000,000 beri."

Blink. Blink. Nami shook her head in disbelief and shot me a _very_ odd look. "Jones… You know I didn't mean that, right? I was surprised and angry- I reacted without thinking. That sort of thing… If you could ask Nojiko, she'd tell you I threatened her with debt five times a day. But unless I actually lent you money first, or something else that you lost or broke and I expect you to replace, you don't have to pay me back. Sorry; I had to explain that to a couple of the guys, but I didn't think _you_ of all people would need a heads up."

…

 _WHAT?!_

"Wait- you're saying that I _don't_ owe you money?" I wiped away the blood trickling down from my nose. Nami nodded.

"That's exactly what I'm saying- although I'll certainly accept if you're offering." The sailing master considered me for a long moment, then sighed and rubbed her temples. "That comic of yours- it showed someone legitimately getting in debt with me, didn't it? So you were afraid of the kind of interest I might charge. But it didn't show everything…"

"Apparently not…" My brain went numb, shell-shocked. I moved on autopilot to scoop up the stones. Well, that was a few hours of my life down the toilet. Although I suppose it wasn't a complete waste, since technically I'd been training with my Devil Fruit.

Nami reached out at the last minute to grab my wrist. "Wait! Jones… Are those _diamonds?_ "

"Eh? Umm… Yes."

"Where did you find _diamonds_ in the middle of the _ocean?_ " My hand opened on reflex when Nami pressed a certain point on my wrist. The sailing master examined my stones intently, her eyes sparkling as if made of the same substance.

"I made them." Shrugging, I picked up the largest stone and held it in front of my eye. It wasn't good quality- definitely yellowish, and there were cloudy lines running through it- but I personally find them more interesting that way. "The _Salamander_ was a steamship; it ran on coal. Compress coal for long enough and it becomes a diamond. Compression's a force, so I just sped the process along a little. Or, well, a lot."

"If I swung that way, I'd kiss you." Nami was still staring at the stones in my hand. "I'm still tempted, honestly. Do you know how much _money_ you could make? You can make _diamonds_. As long as we could find coal, we'd _never_ have to worry about going broke."

"Until I flooded the market with diamonds and they were worth barely more than chips of jasper." As I said it, my blood ran cold. Not because of the possibility of flipping the economy upside down- that might be fun- but because if occurred to me what the Celestial Dragons might be willing to pay for someone who could create diamonds. My fruit was considered useless because most people in the _One Piece_ world didn't have a decent science education, but if the people in power knew what it was _actually_ capable of… And I was probably just scratching the surface.

Nami may not have known what I was thinking, but she certainly understood the economic consequences. Probably better than I did. "Okay, new plan. We'll occasionally sell off the _best_ diamonds- just enough to keep our funds from running dry. The rest, you use for whatever you want- experiments, weapon edging, jewellery."

"Y-Yeah… Probably the best plan." I placed the large diamond I'd been examining down on Nami's desk. My hands were shaking. "Here. That one's yours."

"Aw… Thank you. It's beautiful." Nami picked up the stone as I walked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her snuggling it to her cheek.

I went around the ship then, giving one of the diamonds to each of my crew mates. Reactions varied wildly- Robin stared at the stone, a dazed, bewildered smile on her face, while Lisa jumped up and hugged me, then ran off in search of Usopp in the hopes he could help her set it in a necklace. Zoro, Johnny, and Yosaku all tied the stones to the sheaths of their swords- not _Wado Ichimonji_ in the case of the bosun, of course. _Sandai Kitetsu_. Usopp began work setting his into the buckle of his bag; Sanji clipped his to his tie, and Ghin chuckled and glued his into the lightning bolt carving on the armband I'd made him. Drifter tucked his into his pocket, a small smile on his furry face. Geier's expression was harder to read, but she bobbed her head at me before slipping her diamond into her helmet. When I gave Chopper his, he danced around for a minute before rushing to look at it under his microscope. And Ruatha… Well, Ruatha hoarded the stone I gave him like the dragon he was, coiling himself around the little diamond and hissing at anyone who came near.

Luffy was the last one I found, still sitting by the mast with Ace. The freckled pirate appeared to be asleep. I tossed the last of my home-made diamonds to my captain; he caught it on reflex, blinking in confusion. "Huh? Jones? What's this?"

"I made a thing. Been giving them to everyone."

"Oh. Cool." Luffy smiled at the diamond for a minute, then reached up to tuck it into the ribbon of his hat.

"You know," Ace murmured, raising a corner of his hat, "Most people wouldn't be so cavalier about giving diamonds away."

"Yeah, I know. Nami and I already talked about it; decided this was for the best because reasons."

"Huh. Well, in that case, where's mine?"

I shook my head. "Sorry, all out. Guess I only made enough for the crew- unless you wanna fight Ruatha for his."

"Heh. No thanks."

My mouth quirked up to one side as I shook my head. "Tell you what- bring me a piece of coal and I'll make you one special. You're still my favourite, after all."

Ace chuckled and dropped his hat back down. A second later, low snores emerged from under the brim. Luffy smiled and leaned in close to whisper to me. "Don't tell Sabo, but… Ace was always my favourite too. Sabo was the nice one, but Ace's more fun. Even when he was kicking me off cliffs and stuff."

It wasn't long after that that we got to Partia. The island was small, quiet; it had a single town with a small port and about two hundred brightly painted buildings. We brought the _Merry_ in close, anchoring her just a few meters offshore. Biera and Adelle got ready to lower the old man's boat into the water and head to shore; I stopped them, eyebrow raised. "You guys aren't planning to head off alone, are you?"

"Well, yes." Biera pushed his hat out of his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "We can't exactly expect you to stick around to help us get settled."

Luffy stood up and walked over to lean on the rail. "We won't stay long, but we won the race, didn't we? I don't see anyone else here. We should at least pick up what we won."

"Plus I have a couple packages I need to mail." I quickly scribbled out some addressed and slapped them on the books I wanted to send off. Although I wasn't sure what would happen to the one labelled "For the Largest Gaming Company Available." Pretty certain the one addressed to "Vice-Admiral Jonathan, Navarone" would get to its intended recipient, though.

 _KRA-POOM!_

The sudden sound of cannon fire made me jump and cover my ears. And I wasn't the only one. Everyone from Robin to Adelle looked around sharply. _Tabarnak_. There, on the horizon. Marine man o'war, first-class. I glanced up at our sails and flag, but it was too late to try to hide. We'd already been seen.

" _Merde_." Palm met forehead with a resounding smack. Of course… _Of course_ something would happen to keep me from sending my packages off.

Luffy, meanwhile was bouncing with excitement. "You mean we're _finally_ gonna get chased by marines? Like pirates should be?"

"Hey!" Usopp threw a bottle at the captain's head. It bounced off with a hollow thwack. "We've been chased by marines before! What about the guy who wanted the dragons?"

"Nah. He was just an asshole."

Shuraiya shook his head as he, Adelle, and Biera got ready to depart. "You're a very strange pirate crew, I'll give you that. And I've seen my fair share, so I know what I'm talking about." Then the bounty hunter held out his hand to me. "Here. Those manuscripts- I'll send them off for you. It must be difficult for a pirate to walk into a post office."

"Eh? Oh, thanks." Surprised, I handed the packages over to Shuraiya. He tipped his hat.

"Don't mention it. I- I want to start over, be a better brother for Adelle now that… Now that I actually have her. No more bounty hunting for me. It'll take time, but…"

Adelle hugged her big brother from behind. "But I'm sure he can do it! Come _on_ Shu-Shu, we've gotta go!"

Zoro and Ghin helped the little family lower their boat to the sea. Once the tiny craft touched the water, Shuraiya launched her away from the _Going Merry_ with a powerful kick. I winced at the shock of force that ran through our ship's hull. It was certainly understandable- they needed to be well away from us before the marines spotted them, in order to avoid questioning- but I wasn't fond of the potential damage to the _Merry_ , however slight it may be. And Shuraiya kicked like Sanji, so the damage _wasn't_ exactly _slight_.

Yes, I could tell from the amount of force running through the hull that Shuraiya and Sanji were roughly equal in strength. The more force I absorbed and played with, the better I was getting at measuring it. Still couldn't do the math, though.

The little boat shot away from us, nearly skipping across the waves for the first few meters. Adelle and Biera waved goodbye as they approached the shore; Luffy waved back so enthusiastically that he nearly sent himself tumbling overboard. Shuraiya, meanwhile, just smirked and tipped his hat.

Waiting those few seconds so the little family could get to shore without being seen around our ship cost us though. By the time the _Going Merry_ got moving, the man o'war was close enough that I could see the faces of her men. And identify at least one of them- pretty sure that grumpy mug at the bow belonged to Lieutenant Drake of Navarone. And since we were in the harbour, which was technically a bay… Yeah, getting out past a man o'war would be a difficult trick.

Ghin apparently agreed, since he was already climbing into the rigging, voice a-roar. "All hands on deck! Up anchor! Nami, whatever you did with your weather-stick this morning, you'd best do it again- I'll make sure you've got a full mainsail to work with. Johnny, Yosaku, keep an eye on the mizzen! Sanji, to the whipstaff- point us nine degrees to port!"

Everyone rushed into position. I had no orders, and Lisa was already on her way to the crow's nest, so I headed up to help Ghin aloft. That is, until the sight of a sleeping Ace at the base of the mast made me pause and smile. Because _yes_. Just _yes_. I wasn't my beta reader, couldn't maintain that all-encompassing silliness she loved so much- but every once in a while… Aye, every once in a while, her logic was just the thing. Sorry Blue; I'll be taking a page out of your fanfic for this one.

Instead of climbing into the rigging, I kicked Ace in the ribs. His body turned to flames just after impact, although being asleep, his reactions weren't instantaneous. The firecracker opened one eye to stare up at me. "What was that for?"

"Get to the stern. We need to try something." My voice was flat and even, but I had the biggest shit-eating grin you ever did see lighting up my face.

Ace stood, his eyebrows creased together with concern. "Should I be worried? You're smiling like Lu when he thought he invented a new way to cook alligator. It didn't work. _Explosively._ "

I shook my head. "Nah, nothing to worry about. This'll either work exactly how I think it should, or nothing'll happen at all. What I need you to do is brace yourself against the stern rail and throw fire back- as much and as hard as you can. Kinda like a primitive version of your _Striker_."

"That… That might actually work." Ace's eyes were wide; his eyebrows rose up to hide under his hat. "Alright, let's give it a try."

Beaming, I made my way to the stern alongside my favourite character. I yelled loudly as I did so, a warning. After all, if this worked, it wouldn't do to have anybody flying overboard. "EVERYONE GRAB ONTO SOMETHING! BRACE YOURSELVES!"

It said something about the organization- or lack thereof- of the Straw Hat crew that no one hesitated in listening to me despite me not being one of the ranking officers. Even Ruatha and Geier gripped tight to the rails with their talons. Usopp, lines wrapped around his arms and his knuckles white from the grip he was exerting on the ropes, shot me a nervous look.

"Um… Er, Jones… What're you doing?"

"Either making my beta reader proud or blatantly ripping her off. Probably both." I waited until Sanji had turned the ship before tightening my own hold on the rails and giving the command. "Alright, Ace- NOW!"

Fire roared out of the freckled pirate's hands. At first that's all it was- a roar. Heat and noise to make me wish I could risk covering my ears; it felt like my face was getting an instant sunburn, my eyes narrowed to slits as I squinted back at the flames. And then, like a rocket beginning its rise into the air, we _moved_. Slowly at first, then faster and faster as the _Going Merry_ overcame inertia. Within about thirty seconds, we were flying past Lieutenant Drake's man o'war, our ship practically _skipping_ over the waves. The motion- and the rhythmic impacts it created- made me ill; I vomited over the side as excess force built up in my system.

 _Right_. Blue had this as one of the reasons her version of the _Going Merry_ couldn't be saved. Excessive use of brakeless Ace rockets. _Osti de tabarnak de calice_ , I'm an _idiot_.

"Shishishishishi!" Luffy, clinging to the figurehead, apparently loved the speed and bouncing. One hand held his hat to his head; his other three limbs were wound around _Merry_ in a tight knot of a hug. Despite my nausea and my misgivings about the ship, I couldn't help but smile. Luffy's laughter is _that_ infectious.

It helped that the look on Drake's face as we went whizzing by was _hilarious_. I don't think he had time to identify us as anything more than a fire-propelled blur- certainly not to see our individual faces. His jaw dropped to the deck of his ship and his eyes bulged out; dark skin paled several shades. Hell, I think even his _sideburns_ were running for cover- I'd have to ask Chopper if that was a thing in this world.

Then the _Going Merry_ bounced off the crest of an unusually high wave and we were suddenly _airborne_ , still shooting forward under rocket power. Not high, and I doubted we'd be up for long, but for a few seconds, I got a _glorious_ preview of what a Coup de Burst might feel like later on. And despite the shock of force from that wave making me hurl again, my smile grew into full-blown laughter.

"Sesehihihihihi! Houston, we have _liftoff!_ " That said, we were _never_ doing this again. Bad Jonesie, bad!


	26. Anagnorisis

**Anagnorisis: the point in the plot where a character realizes the true state of affairs**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thanks. And it was a movie.**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you very much.**

 **Krazyfanfiction1: Poor Willy indeed...**

 **Cv12Hornet: Yeah... *shrugs* Contrivances and One Piece movies kinda go hand in hand.**

 **Resisting the Borg: As they were meant to be.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Eheh... Not quite.**

 **The Patient One: Thank you, mein Schatz. *hugs* As far as Jones not knowing Dovahzul... She has the dictionary, but never had a chance to really learn the language. It's hard, when you have no one to speak it with, to pick up more than a few words.**

 **King Eli: Eheh... Sorry?**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you very much.**

 **Snowgirl7589: Sparkle...? Sorry, I don't understand...**

 **Antiguo: No, I wasn't planning on it, although I'll probably have more than in canon. Don't worry, I'm being careful.**

 **Lightsbane1905: Yes, that was a movie. And so's this.**

 **leavingyouforme: Thank you very much! As far as why Jones is contacting Jonathan... For the sake of the mindfuckery, dear reader. For the sake of the mindfuckery. She knows his game, knows how good he is at it... So she's forcing him to play hers instead.**

 **xanothos: Thank you very much.**

 **Draco Oblivion: Don't worry, Yosaku will be alright. Just scars, nothing permanently debilitating. And yes, they'll still be having fun at Navarone in a little while.**

 **Avisian: *smiles* Thanks. I thought so too.**

 **EnixFairy: Thank you. *bows* That's what I strive to do.**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Thank you very much. I'll continue to do my best.**

 **Kikidevil70: Sometimes she gets them, aye. Not very often, but... Well, the fic started on one. I'm certainly planning to bring them up again, but yeah, it's a pretty long time between them, usually.**

 **Fencer22: Nothing to apologize for. I was planning on keeping it to physical forces, since the fruit is broken enough with those. *holds up enormous physics textbook***

 **Drakon45: Thank you very much.**

 **Azurai Wolf: Thanks. Now that Jones is more comfortable with the Straw Hats, we might be seeing that more often— after all, for her the most important thing is protecting the crew, no matter the cost. That means both emotionally and physically. As far as putting Bellamy in his place... I certainly have a plan for him, and that's all I'll say.**

 **starelight: No, Jones' ship isn't with Luffy. He's too young for her. Half plus seven means Jones couldn't get with anyone younger than nineteen. Thank you very much for your support!**

 **EvilpuppyofDoom: Ah. Yes, Jones can do that. Comes with studying literature— she's trained to pay attention to little details, like what colour someone wears most and their word choice when speaking and writing. It doesn't have to just apply to analyzing text.**

 **Xipholynx: Thank you very much! And, well, *nervous laughter* diamonds are a girl's best friend.**

 **Sage McGavin: Indeed.**

 **Redery: You're back? *bows* I'm honoured that you saw fit to give my story a second chance. Evan Johnson is an SI written by a friend of mine. We did a rap battle because why not?**

 **havarti2: Indeed! So much fun— but at the same time, so hard on a poor little caravel.**

 **Insanity Lord: No, that was a movie. As for the Candy-Candy Fruit— I'm gonna mitigate possible conflict here by saying Gasparde, in my 'verse, drowned when his ship went down. Therefore the fruit gets reincarnated.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: Possibly. There are certainly many reasons Jones doesn't want to tell people outside the crew about her origins or her Devil Fruit.**

 **FairyGirl960: Thank you. And here's what happens next.**

 **Aldura Rising: Thank you very much— for both your compliments, and your perseverance. I will admit, there were definitely some parts in early chapters that were quite awkward and I knew people might be put off by. I wasn't trying very hard at first; I thought no one would read this, and was mostly using it to vent and live out daydreams while dealing with one of my bouts of depression. But the Cross-Brain apparently saw something in my writing even through that, for which I am very grateful. I'm still amazed, actually— even months later, sometimes I think it was all something I dreamt up.**

 **Salem '72: Thank you very much.**

 **Partsu: Maybe someday.**

 **LuffyLover: Thank you. I would ask Evan as well before you go doing something like that, but you certainly have my blessing. And you're welcome**

 **Bravsoul: Won't say if your feeling's right or not, but thank you.**

 **Solemn Nonsense: Thank you very much. *grins* And I like Ghin and Merry together too. It's supposed to be the opposite of Usopp and Merry— the gunner is all too willing to believe that their ship is coming alive, while the rigger needs to be literally slapped in the face with it. Multiple times.**

 **Chery: That is a very good question, and something Jones didn't think about at the time. That said, I counter with a question of my own— how would Crocodile get a chance to run interference on Daz Bones when he was taken away to Impel Down less than 24 hours after that conversation?**

 **Doodling Shadows: You're not the only one who's expressed discomfort seeing Jones hurt all the time— and I'll even admit that I imagine the injuries on myself while writing, so sometimes it bothers me too. However, they're pirates— people are bound to get hurt. Jones just gets the brunt of it. As far as gravity... By the time you're reading this, I'm pretty sure I've answered your question.**

 **PervyPanda: I'm glad you decided to give me a second chance. It makes me a little sad when people drop a fic because of the gender of the main character— but maybe that's because being genderfluid, I can identify with characters regardless. *shrugs* You're certainly not the only one who likes Jones x Robin, or the only one who's claimed any of those as the reasons. It's a popular ship, it seems. As far as quality, I figure anything worth doing is worth giving at least 80% on, even if it's just on a fanfiction website. I'll see what I can do about the fight scenes— those are something I know I need to practice with, but I've never been sure exactly in which direction to go. I'm sorry about the paragraphs; they don't look that long when I type them in my word processor, but I assume the formatting on the website changes that. And on that note, sorry about this long-ass, one paragraph reply. As far as chapter lengths, no, I haven't really thought of shortening them. Sorry; my massively long chapters are actually a point of pride for me, in a weirdly twisted way. Would it help your friend if I made PDFs available? You can put bookmarks in those, so you're less likely to get lost if you have to stop mid-chapter. I think. And yes, I agree, I should probably describe Jones more. Both little things, and actually giving a full description at some point. I was trying to avoid the Mary Sue tendency to give overly long, detailed descriptions of my SI, but I think I went too far in the other direction. Thank you very much for your suggestions!**

 **The Nefarious Nerd: / Thank you very much! I'm glad people like my version of Luffy, and I'll try to keep developing his thought processes in the same vein. And hopefully soon I'll begin going into a few other characters in a similar way.**

 **Guest (October 28): 1) Yes, gravity will be fun to play with as things go on. 2) One could go places with that, but I will not. Just physical forces for me. Sorry. 3) It can be. But manipulating forces on multiple things at once is hard; she can only do two at once right now, and even that gives her a headache. It'll be a while before anything like what you're suggesting becomes possible. Sorry. SIDE NOTE: As far as your side note, I would predict that either Rey or Kylo Ren will lose an arm in the upcoming film. Thank you very much for your support!**

 _I was standing in a long tunnel carved of blue stone. It was veined with lacy grey and white- sodalite, I think. A beautiful stone. Glancing up, I could see someone standing a few hundred meters ahead of me, just before a bend in the tunnel. A man; very tall, dressed all in blue and grey that made him blend into the stone. I was too far away to make out his features in any detail… But I could tell that he was smiling. He raised a hand, beckoning to me; I immediately started running forwards, inexplicably drawn. But no matter how fast I ran, it didn't seem to be enough. The tunnel stretched weirdly with every step I took, my goal getting further and further away…_

… _Beep…_

"LAND HO!"

"Eah!" Usopp's shout woke me. This was… not exactly the best thing, since I'd been sleeping in a sort of nest I'd managed to jury-rig in the rigging. Ruatha and Geier had been with me- my baby because he nearly always was, the vulture because she was tired after a night watch. Tumbling out of the makeshift nest, I flailed my arms like helicopter rotors in the hope it would slow my fall. It didn't. Geier- who'd taken to the air as soon as she felt things unraveling around us- shrieked with avian laughter as I performed a glorious belly flop on the deck.

Ruatha had slightly more success than I did. He still _fell_ , aye, but between his limbs actually being _made_ for such and having been spending time watching Geier, my baby was able to flap in such a way to noticeably slow his descent. He landed gracefully on my back, crooning as he stepped on my ribcage and squashed the wind out of me.

I groaned. "Yes, yes, you're cute and you're starting to learn how to fly. Perkunas protect us all. Now get _off_."

"Flogah…" Ruatha grumbled. But he complied- at least until I was back on my feet again, at which point he climbed up to his accustomed place on my shoulders.

Rubbing my head, I looked around. Huh. No sign of monkey-men or giant turtles, we had yet to have a ship fall on us, and I didn't recognize the shoreline on the horizon. _Tabarnak_. Eyes closed, one hand still rubbing my temples, I shot the finger at the sky. " _Osti d'épais de marde_ , other me! Didn't we _just_ go through a movie or whatever? Don't you have readers eager to see what I have planned for Blackbeard?"

Of course, I didn't expect a response. So I was surprised, when I opened my eyes, to see a cloud floating high above that kind of looked like a fist with the middle finger extended. Kind of. If I squinted. I snorted at the sight. Yeah, real subtle, other me. _Real_ subtle.

"Who are you yelling at?" Robin asked, glancing up from her book with a frown. I paused and shook my head.

"I- uh, no one. Don't worry about it. I am 103% certifiably insane, as anyone on this crew will be quick to acknowledge. Sometimes I talk to people back in my own world as if I think they can hear me- and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I think." Come to think of it, was I _really_ as crazy as I thought I was? Do crazy people think they're crazy? I wasn't sure how to test this…

Pursing her lips, Robin turned her attention back to her book. "I see."

It wasn't long after that until the _Going Merry_ made port. As usual, we furled the flag and mainsail to prevent anyone seeing our Jolly Roger and ratting us out to the marines- and just to avoid making the general populace nervous. Once we were safe at anchor, Nami rounded everyone up from where they'd been sleeping or working.

"Alright! What supplies do we need, if any? Who needs to go shopping? Who wants to stay back and guard the ship?"

Johnny, Yosaku, and Usopp all raised their hands at the last question. The gunner spoke up first. "We'll stay with _Merry_. I need to check her for damages after the race a few days ago- I didn't get a chance at Partia, and it's easier when she's in port. It's, ah, I'm worried about her… A lot of what we've been doing lately isn't normal for the East Blue; she might not be able to handle it as well as a ship _built_ for the Grand Line."

"And we're working on something!" Johnny piped up on behalf of himself and Yosaku. "Big Bro Usopp gave us a great idea a while ago that we wanna try out- electric swords!"

That made Zoro frown. "You wouldn't _need_ all these weird tricks if you spent more time _training_ with your swords in the first place."

"Leave them alone, Moss-Head." Sanji blew a smoke ring at the bosun. "Not everyone can have your level of single-minded focus."

"Are you saying I'm stronger than you?" Zoro asked with a triumphant smirk. "Cause that's what I'm hearing- that you don't train enough to keep up."

"No! I'm saying that shitty boulder you call a head only has room in it for one thought at a time!" Sanji launched a flying kick at Zoro; a steel-toed shoe met the flat of a blade with a resounding clang. Before the brawl could go any further, though, Nami clicked her _Clima-Tact_ together.

"Thunder Tempo!"

Bosun and cook both fell to the deck, twitching. Spinning her weapon, the sailing master sighed. "Would it kill you two to get along for five minutes?" She didn't wait for an answer to the question, rubbing her temples with one hand. "Sanji, you come shopping with the rest of us- I'm sure there's _something_ in the kitchen that needs replenishing. Zoro, you stay back and keep watch; we can't trust the tinkerers to notice everything while they're working."

"Of course, Nami dear!"

"Tch. Fine."

The cook spun and danced as he got to his feet, while the bosun never really stood- more sat up and shuffled to the side so he was leaning against the rail. Nami rolled her eyes at that. "Don't you _dare_ nap while you've got guard duty!"

Zoro rolled his eyes. "I won't, I won't. Sheesh."

Luffy bounced excitedly as the majority of us began disembarking. "Yay! New island, new adventure! What're you gonna do, Ace?" The rubber boy leapt onto his brother's back. He'd been doing that a lot, whenever there was downtime; it was like he was worried Ace would leave or something if he went too long without Luffy hugging him.

"Ergh, get _off_ , Lu. You can walk by yourself." Peeling his brother off his back, Ace squashed golden straw down onto black hair in a forceful but affectionate noogie. "I'm coming with _you_ , of course. Give your crew mates a bit of a break from dealing with your bouncing all over the place."

Pouting, Luffy stuck out his tongue. "I'm not _that_ bad."

"He's really not," Lisa agreed before Ace could say anything. She smiled sweetly up at the firecracker. Ace looked torn between mystification and laughter.

I separated from the rest of the crew almost immediately on disembarking. Ghin frowned, looking like he was debating whether or not to try and stop me. He eventually decided against it, sighing heavily through his nose. "Jones, I know you're a grown woman and that makes you think you know what you're doing, but… where the Hell are you going?"

"To find a book store and spend every beri currently in my possession on as many books as I can afford about den-den mushi- preferably including a few volumes on breeding habits and the construction of different types of rig." Shoving my hands in my pockets, I continued on my way away… Only to pause again when my honorary brother sighed once more. This time it made a bit of a whistling sound, like his nose was a teakettle.

" _Why?_ "

"Because- and this sentence makes no more sense in my home world than in this one- I intend to make a snail-based internet." I'd been considering the merits for a while and finally decided that yes, it really was a thing I wanted to do- potential terrors that Bartolomeo could inflict on the world if given a media to write and distribute fanfiction aside.

Ghin- and everybody, really- looked at me like I'd grown an extra head. Or, well, like I was acting like _me_. I would probably eventually stop noticing when people looked at me funny. It was Chopper, in all his childishly curious, fluffy glory, who eventually saw fit to further question my motives. "Um… Jones… What's an internet?"

That made me freeze up. Because… How _do_ you explain the World Wide Web to someone whose nearest equivalent was _**snail**_ _telephones?_ I wasn't an IT guy; I didn't even know how to explain it to people who _had_ seen a computer. "It's… um… A series of tiny tubes and boxes, controlled by people playing with mice, that's spread over almost the whole world. It's used to shop, look at pictures of cats doing silly things, watch pornography, play games, and occasionally even to share useful information. Communication takes tiny fractions of a second in most cases- faster than any snail call."

"EH?!" Chopper's eyes spun- then started to glow. "AND YOU CAN BUILD ONE? SO COOL!"

I shrugged. "Not sure, actually. But I won't know until I try."

As I turned and continued on my way, I saw Robin trailing behind me. Her eyes were wide, mystified. Not quite sure what was going on, I waited until we were well away from the rest of the crew- and were, in fact, browsing through a small bookstore- before confronting her. "Can I help you?"

Of course, to anyone looking on, it wouldn't look like a confrontation at all. I was standing on tiptoe, trying to read the titles on the top shelves; Robin was scanning boredly through a volume on local legends. If we hadn't been speaking- and we were doing that quietly- we wouldn't have looked like we were acknowledging each other's presence at all.

Robin took a deep breath at my words. "Baryshnya Witch… This internet you speak of- just to make sure, it will allow for the near-instantaneous transmission of large amounts of data?"

I nodded. "All over the world. You'd be able to access a digital library in Sabaody from the comfort of a bar in Goa Kingdom. Of course," a snort of laughter forced its way out before I could stop it, "For every _Encyclopaedia Britannica_ , there's a 4chan; for every _Nature_ journal, there's… some site where naked people dance to bad techno music, probably. You find a lot of _weird_ stuff online."

"Can you _imagine_ what the World Government would do with a system like that?" Robin's fingers went white as she gripped the book she was holding tighter; there was a nearly imperceptible tremor in her voice.

Ducking my head, I reached up to pat Ruatha as my hat shadowed my eyes. "Wrong question. What you should be asking is _what could_ _ **I**_ _do to_ _ **them**_ _with a system like that?_ "

Now Robin's face was going white too, pale and shaky. "You- your aim is to take down the World Government? Are you a Revolutionary? I thought-!"

"No," I interrupted before finding out what Robin thought. Sticking my tongue out, I winced as I continued. "I'm not a Revolutionary, although I think they have the right idea. The World Government _reeks_ of dystopia- and I _hate_ dystopias. But I'm just a little witch; my main focus is on protecting and serving this crew… my friends. That said, Luffy is Dragon's son- the very act of him _existing_ would eventually bring us into conflict with the World Government. And that's _not_ counting the fact that most of the Celestial Dragons and a good chunk of the marines are corrupt assholes who our dear captain would beat to a bloody pulp given the right circumstances."

Finding a book on snail anatomy that looked promising, I grinned as I pulled it down. "So I prefer to be prepared- the best defense is a good offense. Being from another world gives me a step up in that direction. I know big chunks of the future, a lot of stuff about different people, _science_ … I'm not perfect; I screw up sometimes, with the things I'm changing. But overall, I think I've been managing to make things better. And I've been getting better at making plans, manipulating things in our favour… Or I like to think so, at any rate."

Shaking her head, Robin closed her book. She took a deep breath, still shaking. "Like a little spider spinning her web… But you're just one spider; the World Government is a thunderstorm that will shred your web and wash it away."

I tilted my head in acknowledgement. "If I was alone, aye. But I'm not. Straw Hats look out for each other, and together, we can overcome anything. Also," and here I chuckled, "You've got it wrong. I'm not a spider. I'm a _dragon_ , with knowledge as my treasure."

Robin sighed at that, sounding a little… sad? Something was bothering her. Maybe she was thinking about Ohara, wondering whether the internet could've saved it? Or maybe she was afraid what I was trying to do would lead other islands to the same fate. That was certainly the impression I got from her next words. "The others trust you, so I wont judge for now. But be careful, Baryshnya Witch. When dragon fights dragon, someone is bound to get burned."

That made me flinch- because yeah, in no fantasy I'd ever read was dragon fighting dragon a good thing, for the dragons themselves or anyone around them. And _especially_ not for their riders… I don't know where I was going with that analogy. Rolling my eyes, I glanced at the Fourth Wall and shook my head. Silly writer…

Robin and I didn't talk any more while we sifted through the shelves. She didn't let me out of her sight, though. The archaeologist followed me as I picked through the stacks, occasionally checking something in the book of legends she had picked up. I, meanwhile, slowly assembled a pile of books too tall for me to see over- all on the topic of den-den mushi. And yes, it did occur to me that I could save myself a lot of trouble by calling Sabo, having him connect me to Dragon, and asking Luffy's dad about snail breeding, since it was a canon hobby of his, but that was only if Dragon saw fit to answer my questions. Which I suspected he wouldn't until _after_ I'd started being more open with my future knowledge.

"Do- do you need help?" Robin asked hesitantly as I tottered towards the checkout with my tower of texts. I shook my head- which nearly caused me to lose a few books from the top of the heap as I moved.

"No, no, I'm good." There was a tremendous thud as I placed my books down on the desk in front of the cashier. The poor teenage boy stared at me with wide brown eyes. At first, I thought it had something to do with the giant tower of books I was purchasing- then I remembered that I had a dragon the size of a large dog riding on my shoulders. Ruatha let out a little hiss of laughter at the look on the boy's face.

After a moment of thought, I pointed at the book Robin was holding. "And I'm paying for that one too."

The archaeologist opened her mouth to protest. "Baryshnya Witch, I-!"

I stopped her with a raised hand. "It's fine; don't worry about it. I don't mind buying things for my friends."

That made Robin fall silent. She stared at me with confusion as I paid, and remained quite quiet as we left the store. It wasn't until we were out in the streets, looking around at the other shops the town had to offer, that Robin spoke again. "I- It's been a long time since anyone called me a friend."

Raising an eyebrow, I glanced up at the tall archaeologist. "Really? Doesn't the captain count?"

"Ah. That's true." Robin looked contemplative. "I wish he wouldn't be so insistent that I was one of you. He- how can he be so trusting? He doesn't know what I've done, what I am…"

"But I do." I smiled, although at the same time I had a strange heavy feeling in my chest. "And Luffy… He may not know particulars, but he's good with people. Just because he acts like a dumb kid doesn't mean he can't tell whether he can trust someone. Sometimes he just _knows_."

"Indeed." Robin frowned thoughtfully. "But has it ever occurred to you he could be wrong? That perhaps you _can't_ trust certain people, no matter how they seem at first?"

"Not really." I crossed my fingers under the heap of books I was carrying, hoping my confidence in my captain wasn't an open invitation to Murphy. "Has it occurred to _you_ that maybe Luffy can see things in people that they don't know themselves?"

Robin startle a bit at that. She didn't say anything else, her gaze turning inwards as she thought about… _something_. I left her to it, looking around and eventually raising a hand to wave when I saw a bunch of our crew mates heading into a little restaurant. This, of course, destabilized my pile of books. Four arms sprouted from my ribs amidst a flurry of petals, grabbing hold of the texts before they fell to the ground. I stared at the limbs for a moment. It was a little freaky, seeing a bunch of arms that weren't mine sticking out of my sides. Several long seconds passed before I moved- and really, I only did so after a fifth hand bloomed and nudged my shoulder. Shaking my head, I readjusted my hold on my books so Robin could dispel her arms.

Sitting down around a table, we wasted no time in ordering. Which, of course, involved a lot of Luffy yelling for meat and the rest of us shaking our heads as we looked at our captain with exasperated fondness. Although Sanji was a little annoyed.

"Pipe down Shithead!" The cook booted Luffy in the side without getting up from his seat, sending the captain rolling onto the floor. Luffy didn't seem at all bothered by this, just grinning and jumping back into his chair. The waiter, on the other hand, looked horrified as he scurried back towards the kitchen.

A different waiter than the one Sanji had spooked brought us drinks as we waited for our food. Once the boy was gone, Nami leaned forwards and placed her elbows on the table with a contented sigh. Chopper nodded beside her as he gulped his milk.

"I know. It's nice to just relax on an island and not have to fight people."

Lisa nodded as well, petting Drifter as the otter sat on her lap. Geier was perched on the window sill; the vulture conveniently disappeared whenever waiters wandered too near our table. It made sense- a carrion bird was a lot less likely to be welcome in places where people prepared food than a cute water weasel.

"No, no, that's not it," Nami shook her head, "Although it _is_ nice to get a break from fighting and have a chance to do some decent shopping. I got some _adorable_ new tops. But… This is Asuka Island. Rumour has it the most beautiful sword in the world is here- the Seven-Star Sword. It had a golden handle inlaid with seven beautiful emeralds, and silver plating on the blade… Something like that would be worth a _fortune_." Nami sighed. Her eyes turned to dimly glowing beri symbols. "But it's been lost for years; I don't even know where to start looking."

"Asuka Island?" Robin raised her eyebrows. "I've heard that name before as well. It was in regards to a legend- apparently, every hundred years like clockwork, a disaster befalls the island. You can tell when it's imminent when a red moon rises. The Seven-Star Sword was an artifact given to the king of an ancient kingdom to combat this disaster, alongside three magical gems that produce some sort of shield. Unfortunately, the sword was cursed."

"Cursed?!" Chopper yelped. The doctor clung to Ghin; the rigger rolled his eyes and rubbed patiently at thick reindeer fur.

Luffy yelped in unison with Chopper. "A cursed sword? Cool! I bet Zoro would like that!"

"You don't believe that, do you Lu? Curses don't exist." Ace shook his head and patted Luffy's hat. My captain pouted.

"Jones came from another world," the rubber boy grumbled quietly. "If that can happen, why can't curses? And isn't Zoro's _Kitetsu_ sword s'posed to be cursed too?"

That made Ace pause and shrug. Everyone, even Robin, had a bit of a giggle at his expense. Then the archaeologist smiled softly. "The legend even ends with a prophecy of sorts- _When the red moon shines, the sword will be imbued with great power. If the Seven Stars fall to it, the world will be forever ruled by darkness._ Of course, no one knows what that is supposed to mean. And even if they did, I wouldn't put much stock in prophecies- world-walking little witches aside, it's impossible to truly know the future."

…

 _WHAT?!_

Tabarnak. I may not have seen this movie, but I'd _read_ it in Blue's fic. Of course, that version was probably brief and not the most accurate, left some things out… Raising one hand, I elevated my middle finger in the direction of the Fourth Wall as I slammed my forehead into the table. Everyone looked at me in confusion- except Ruatha, who started nibbling on my ponytail.

"Are you okay Jones?" Lisa asked, prodding at me. A growl rose up in my chest; had it been anyone else asking the question, I would've snapped at them. As it was, I couldn't hold back a bit of bitterness from creeping into my voice.

"I'm _fine_. My stupid-ass _writer_ , on the other hand… She's getting soft in the head."

Frowning, Drifter held up a sign. _What the-? Can I get some bloody context for this?_

Sanji huffed and blew a smoke ring as our food arrived. "Trust me, River Dog, if we knew, we'd give it to you. Jonesie's just weird like that sometimes. You'll get used to it. Eventually."

X

Zoro _didn't_ sleep on the job, no matter _what_ Nami and the shit cook said. He _did_ , however, have his eyes closed- it was hard to meditate with them open, especially with all the flashes and explosions Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku were making. Distracting… Breathing deeply, the swordsman focused inward. He was trying to figure out flying slashes, as he had been ever since Little Garden. Jones had said it was mostly a speed thing, and that it would be easier once he figured out how to cut steel. Well, he could do that now…

The bosun focused on the sounds of the universe, the gentle pulsing of different substances. It was… unnerving. He was glad he'd figured out how to block it out when he needed to; if he had to listen to this all the time, he would've gone mad. Air in particular- it had a rapid, fluttery pulse, like the wings of a hummingbird. It took several long minutes of listening for Zoro to be able to properly perceive the spaces between the beats. Of course, he wasn't sure that hitting between the beats of air would create one of the flying slashes, but it seemed like as good an idea as any.

WA- _FOOM!_

A nasty smell, like a cat's litterbox that hadn't been cleaned in a month, bloomed through the air. Zoro opened his eyes and scowled at the chemists crouched in a circle in the middle of the deck. Usopp's face was covered in soot and Yosaku's eyebrows had been singed off. Johnny's sunglasses had a big crack bisecting one lens. But those three bozos would be alright- what worried Zoro was the charred patch on the _deck_ , with embers still burning against the wood.

"Oi! What're you morons up to?" They better not accidentally blow up the ship. _Merry_ was the first place Zoro had been able to call _home_ since he left the dojo; he would _not_ be happy if she sank.

"You dumbass! I told you not to put it next to the candle!" And apparently Usopp agreed with Zoro, seeing as the gunner booted Johnny in the rear. The blue hunter soared over the rail and splashed down beside the ship. Yosaku followed shortly after, arms flailing. At least the green hunter's wounds from Alabasta had finally healed; Chopper would've had _words_ if Usopp had booted an injured person like that.

The gunner spent the next minute extinguishing the embers on the deck- but not with water or by stomping, the way Zoro would've thought. Instead, Usopp doused the area with some sort of thick foam he got from a tin in his duffle bag. Huh. Once the foam had been covering the deck for a solid couple minutes, _then_ Usopp sprayed the area with water before rushing over to the rail as Johnny and Yosaku were climbing back aboard.

"Hey, hey, hey! No way! If you wanna play with _that_ any more, we're switching to the beach! I'm not hurting _Merry_ again if I can help it!"

Both hunters looked mortified, immediately dropping back into the water and making their way to shore. " _Shit_. Sorry Big Bro- we didn't realize…"

Zoro raised an eyebrow as Usopp prepared to disembark and join his fellow chemists. "What was _that_?"

"We just made ammonium perchlorate," Usopp explained, rubbing his nose proudly. "It was a by-product of trying to electrify Johnny's sword- Yosaku's was easy enough, but for Johnny's, we have to play around with different compounds for a bit." Then the gunner frowned. "Ammonium perchlorate might be useful on its own, but it's so _unstable_ \- too much heat, a little spark, a careless impact, then _boom_."

Shaking his head, Usopp picked up the last of the chemistry equipment sitting on the deck and joined Johnny and Yosaku on the beach. Zoro sighed. He _still_ didn't think the hunters should be wasting their time on stuff like that- they could've been decent swordsmen if they'd just put in some more _effort_ \- but he couldn't tell them what to do. All he could do was focus on his own training.

And on that note… Zoro stood and drew _Wado Ichimonji_. Cool metal settled in his hand, the blade that had been with him for so long, she was more an extension of his spirit than anything. Eyes closed, listening for the elusive gap between beats in the rhythm of the air… _There_. A quick flick and snap across produced a short-lived burst of wind, but not quite what Zoro was looking for. Hmm… He was still missing something. But what?

Something silver flashed past his head, distracting him. The movement was followed by a small thunk, the sound of a knife embedding itself in wood. Spinning on his heel, Zoro caught sight of the offending weapon sticking out of the _Going Merry_ 's mast. He stomped over and yanked it free.

"Oi! Who did that?! You'd better- huh?" The swordsman froze mid-sentence when he recognized the tanto in his hand. Plain but good steel, a battered wooden hilt that had seen better days… And had his name carved on one side in a sloppy childish hand. Zoro frowned in confusion. It had been over a year… He'd never expected to see that blade again.

Which meant… He had an old friend to check in on. A promise to keep.

Glancing at the beach where Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku were mixing _something_ that produced acrid smoke, Zoro debated whether or not to tell his crew mates before he left. Nah., He was sure this wouldn't take long. Check in on Saga, make sure he was alright, catch up for a bit, then come back to the _Merry_. A couple hours tops. He'd probably be back before any of the ones who went shopping. Nodding to himself, Zoro hopped over the rail into shallow water and waded off towards the forest that covered most of the island.

The trio of chemists didn't notice even as he splashed past. Largely because they were trying to keep some chemical that burned with strange, purple flames from scorching a hole in Johnny's jacket.

Shadows of greenish gloom enveloped Zoro as he strode into the forest. Hip-deep ferns brushed against him with every step; twigs crackled beneath his feet. He'd been walking for about ten minutes when he came across three people- a tall, slim man in bluish armour, a heavy man whose orange vest displayed numerous green geometric tattoos, and a small teenager with a leopard-print coat and a smiling baseball cap. Zoro halted and frowned as they approached him, unsure what to think. He'd never seen any of the three before.

The armoured one approached, hands raised to indicate peaceful approach. "Roronoa Zoro?"

"Yeah." The Straw Hat bosun folded his arms. "Who wants to know?"

"My name's Bismarck; these are my associates Boo Kong and Toma." The towering redhead gestured first to his larger companion, then to the teenager. "We've been expecting you; Sensei asked us to bring you up to the dojo."

"And who's your sensei?" If this was a trap- if some asshole had gotten their hands-on Saga's knife and was using it to trap him… Heads were going to roll.

"His name's Saga. Fornaldar Saga."

Zoro raised an eyebrow at that. He'd never heard Saga's surname- his old friend had been quiet about his family. Still, there was no guarantee this was _his_ Saga. He'd take care, just in case. Unfolding his arms, Zoro rested his right hand on the hilt of _Wado Ichimonji_. "Alright. Lead on."

Bismarck nodded and turned, leading the way off into the forest. Boo Kong indicated for Zoro to go next, the large man taking up the rear. Toma walked alongside Zoro as they hiked, a slight bounce in the teenager's step. He kept glancing up at the bosun through unruly copper bangs.

"So… You and Sensei knew each other when you were kids, right?"

"If your sensei is the same Saga I'm thinking of, yeah." Zoro grunted. He didn't even try to be subtle as he evaluated Toma. Stealth wasn't his strong point. The kid was small, speedy… The overlong sword he carried was suited to a completely different style than he was. If Saga had been teaching this kid to fight, _what the Hell_ was he _thinking?_ Small, slim, speedy… This Toma kid needed to be dual-wielding small weapons, not waving around a nodachi that was almost taller than he was.

"That's so cool." Toma's voice was steady, but his eyes were glowing with admiration. "I want to be just like Sensei someday- to fight for justice and protect the island. But I have a lot of training left to go before I'm anywhere _near_ as good as Sensei."

Zoro nodded thoughtfully. He had nothing to say to that, really- nothing except that he wished Johnny and Yosaku would show that level of dedication to their swordsmanship. They were supposed to be _his_ apprentices, dammit! Not Usopp's! He had _plans_ for training those two, like the _plans_ he'd seen the war dog working on for trying things with Jones.

…At least the shit cook didn't have an apprentice yet. If he did- and if his apprentice was somehow _better_ than Zoro's- the bosun would never hear the end of it.

As they walked, Zoro couldn't help but feel that there was something _off_ about this island. It felt like… The whole island felt the same as _Sandai Kitetsu_ had when he'd first bought it. Wild. Cruel. That aura even seeped in between the beats in the pulses of the place, muddling Zoro's mind whenever he allowed himself to listen. He clamped down on the feeling- _hard_ \- before it could give him a headache.

Soon a large building emerged from the trees, a great towering temple carved of stone that perched atop a cliff. The style wasn't familiar to Zoro at all- not that he ever really paid much attention to such things. It was certainly big enough to be a dojo, though. A few dozen marines were scattered around the outside in groups, sparring and practicing kata. That put Zoro on his guard for a moment- he was a pirate, after all- before he remembered that as far as the world knew, he was still Roronoa Zoro, demon of the East Blue and bounty hunter extraordinaire.

And then the doors opened and a man stepped out and Zoro _froze_. Because that was _Saga,_ but Saga was _dead_. He'd died when that ship burned… But clearly he hadn't, because Saga was standing right there, a great jian strapped across the back. The sword glowed faintly green with some unearthly inner light. It created strange shadows on Saga's red robes and white hair.

Saga smiled. "Hello Zoro. I thought it was you I saw when that goat ship was coming into port. It was a bit of a surprise, of course- I never took you for the sort to start a crew."

"Didn't start it. Joined it." If Zoro was more of a touchy-feely person- like his captain- he would've caught Saga in the most forceful embrace known to man. As it was, the Straw Hat bosun couldn't take his eyes off his old friend. Saga's right arm dangling limply left Zoro concerned. And… Guilty. Because whatever injury caused it to be that way, that prevented Saga from using his dominant arm- it was almost certainly due to him staying back on that ship.

"Well, I never would've expected you to _join_ a crew either," Saga said with a small, confused frown. "I thought you were set on walking your own path, becoming the greatest swordsman in the world?"

Zoro shrugged self-consciously. "I found a captain who convinced me I could have both friends _and_ my goals."

"Heh. I'd like to meet a captain like that." Saga smoothed his robes with one hand. "Will he be upset that you came to see me?"

"Probably not," Zoro admitted. "He'd probably want to meet you."

Saga let out a huff of laughter. "Unfortunately, I don't have time for that, as much as I'd love to meet your new friends. Zoro… I have something I need you to help me with."

The Straw Hat bosun nodded. He'd figured as much. "Alright, I'll do it."

That took Saga momentarily aback. "I- Thank you, but don't you even want to know what it is before you agree?"

Zoro shrugged again. "It'd be nice to know what you need before I actually do it, but… You're my friend and I owe you. My crew's here for a couple days on shore leave; why _wouldn't_ I use that time to help you?" The swordsman flipped the tanto that had led him here around in his hand, offering the hilt to his old friend.

"Heh…" Smirking wryly, Saga shook his head. "I'd forgotten how refreshingly blunt you could be." Instead of taking the blade, Saga held out a sheath with his good hand. Zoro hesitated a moment, surprised, before accepting it. Sheathing the tanto and shoving it in his haramaki felt… odd. But good. It was nice to have an extra blade, in case anything happened to one of his main swords.

Smirk turning into a genuine smile, Saga led Zoro into the dojo proper. The stone walls were painted with strange, old pictures that seemed to depict some sort of story. There was lots of red and green- maybe blood and trees? Or was that supposed to be the moons? A bunch of stars? It wasn't a story Zoro could understand, but Saga gestured reverently to some of the images. Once again, the Straw Hat bosun winced at the way his friend's right arm dangled uselessly.

"I need you to find these." Saga gestured to a set of three pink circles on the wall. "The sacred orbs of Asuka Island. As far as I'm aware, they're in the possession of a local priestess. They- I need them in order to control and eliminate an ancient curse on this island." Chuckling self-consciously, Saga ran his hand through his hair. "You probably think me mad…"

"No more than one of my crew mates." Zoro let out a snort of laughter. When Saga looked askance at him, the swordsman thought for a moment, then nodded to himself. Saga was a friend and Zoro hated lying, _especially_ to friends. And telling Saga about Jones couldn't do any harm, could it? "Our… I don't know what to call her- she acts like a quartermaster sometimes, but not always, and she's never claimed the title- she came from another world. We just pulled her up out of the water one day, bleeding. She does strange things, knows strange things, calls herself a witch… Not sure if she's an _actual_ witch though." The swordsman shrugged.

"Interesting…" Saga traced one of the images on the wall with his fingers. "Well… I must say, I'd be curious to meet her, if we have the time."

That sudden change confused Zoro. Just a few minutes before, Saga had said there _was_ no time… But it could be just a slip of the tongue, caused by curiosity. Yeah, that was probably it. Putting it out of his mind, the Straw Hat bosun looked at the circles on the wall. "So, these orbs you need… Where would I find the priestess you think has them?"

Saga smiled. Something about the light in the room made his eyes flash an eerie green colour. "On the far side of the island there's a small town where the people live by an archaic set of traditions. The priestess is a young girl named Maya who lives with her grandmother. My men can show you the way to her house."

X

Once we were done eating, the away team headed back to the _Going Merry_ as a unit. Not that the log pose was set yet- it wouldn't be until tomorrow evening- but we had lots of stuff to drop off before we could go exploring more. Mine and Robin's books, the food Sanji had picked up, Nami and Lisa's new clothes… And a pile of leather and canvas that Ghin had picked up somewhere. I shot him a look of confusion. What could he possibly need that for? We'd already had a decent supply for repairing sails.

My big brother snorted. "Gonna try and make something that'll slow down your habit of destroying shirts."

I frowned. "Am I _really_ that bad?"

" _Yes_ ," Ghin thumped me gently on the head as Nami glared, "You _are_. A marine at Warship Island, dinosaurs on Little Garden, Ace _and_ a bomb in Alabasta… And I'm sure it'll get worse the further we go along the Grand Line. Things are getting more dangerous, and with your tendency to blow yourself up with your powers and otherwise throw yourself into danger… You need something that can stand up to the abuse you put things through."

Drooping, I edged away to trudge along at the edge of the group. Arguing with Ghin was futile in this case… He was right. Most likely. Even Zoro had only wrecked one shirt that I could remember, back when he fought Mihawk. Ruatha rested his head on top of mine and crooned; Geier chuffed with laughter as she soared above.

There was a pawn shop that we passed on our way back to the harbour. Something in the window caught my eye- something we didn't need yet, wouldn't even be able to _use_ for a while. But… Once we could. Once we had the _Sunny_ , and Brook… Although, if I found a way to save the _Merry_ , would we even _need_ the _Sunny_? I wasn't sure. But even if we didn't, this was something Brook might like.

I shoved my pile of books at Luffy, startling my captain. "Huh? Jones, what're you doing?"

"Picking up something for when we get our musician."

"Oh. Okay, cool. Just don't tell me who they are or where we meet them. That's spoilers!"

"Aye-aye Captain." Did I have any beri left? After all the snail books, not really, but I had my powers. Although… Where was I going to get titanium, iron, and aluminum oxide? And even if I did, this was gonna _hurt_. Let's see… Johnny, Yosaku, and Usopp might have iron and aluminum oxide from their experiments, but that still left titanium. That'd be hard- pun not intended, but welcome.

Or… _Wait_. Did I have some scrap metal from when we were at Clockwork Island? Probably… Iron and aluminum were almost definite, then, and titanium was possible- it was frequently used for propellers and things that were underwater, since it was resistant to the abrasion of the sea. Rifling through my utility belt, I came up with a bunch of little bits of shrapnel, mixed with screws and a couple bullets. A lot of aluminum and iron, one bit that looked like titanium, and a couple plates of copper and scraps of copper wire. I stuffed the copper back in my pocket, then separated the aluminum from the other metals and shoved it into Ace's hand.

"I need you to burn this for me."

"What?!" Ace yelped, staring at the silvery shards I'd handed him. I rolled my eyes and spoke slowly, as if to a small child.

"You're a fire man. If you burn aluminum, it makes aluminum oxide. I need aluminum oxide to make a thing to get money to buy a thing." And when had my life turned into a video game side quest?

"Okay…" Ace looked dubiously at the aluminum I'd handed him, then lit it up white hot. Everyone had to cover their eyes and look away, lest we go blind. After a few minutes, the light died down. Ace waved the aluminum oxide he'd produced around for a while to try and cool it before handing it back to me, but it was still hot when I touched it. That was okay though. I needed things to be hot for what I wanted.

Using my powers over friction, I grated the iron bits together until some of them flaked and produced coarse filings. Abrading the titanium to get filings of that was harder- pun intended this time- but by sacrificing some of the aluminum oxide to mix with sand, then increasing friction again, I was able to make my hand into temporary sandpaper. Doing so left bloody scrapes along my palm, but gave me a little bit of titanium powder. It should be enough.

"Under Pressure!" I know I was worried about being figured out by Celestial Dragons, or messing with the economy, but just one stone on a lonely backwater island should be fine.

Mixing the aluminum oxide, iron filings, and titanium powder in my hands- along with a bit of my own blood, which was unavoidable- I began pressing them together. I sat down on the ground and absorbed the friction around me to get the force I needed for compression, sliding around slightly on the suddenly slick ground. Pressure… and heat. Like when I'd made the diamonds, I quickly burned my hands as I compressed the substances inside. The powders hardened and fused, shrinking, as I pressed on them until the heat became too much. I tossed the stone I'd made onto the ground, blowing on my bleeding, blistered palms to cool them.

Chopper trotted over to me with a distressed whine. "Jones, what are you _doing?_ " Not waiting for an answer, the little doctor began rubbing salve on my hands before wrapping them in soft gauze. "Would it kill you to stop getting hurt for _five minutes?_ I know you can't always avoid it in fights and such, but these are your _own powers!_ You _know_ making gemstones burns you! You need to _stop!_ "

Why was he so concerned? It was just a few little burns and scrapes; I'd had plenty worse even on my old world. I shrugged it off, much to the doctor's exasperation. As soon as Chopper released my wrists, I reached over to pick up the stone I'd made. Lumpy, uneven shape- but vivid blue and the size of a robin's egg. I held it up in Nami's direction. "So… What kinda price you think I could get for this?"

The sailing master stared at me, dumbfounded. Her eyes turned to beri symbols reflexively, despite what we'd discussed the last time I made gemstones. "You can make _sapphires_ too? What about emeralds? Or _rubies?_ "

I thought about it for a moment. "Emeralds probably not- I don't remember how they're formed, but I'm pretty sure it involved the word hydrothermal, and I can't do hot water. Rubies maybe… They're like sapphires, but coloured with different stuff. Chromium, I think. Not sure where I'd find any of that, though." That reminded me- I still had my ruby from when Ghin and I conned those gang members in Loguetown. Never done anything with it… I pulled the red stone out of my pocket and stared at it side by side with my fresh, steaming sapphire.

Rising to my feet, I headed for the pawn shop, tossing the stones up and down as I walked. "Alright, got a thing to buy. Won't take long- no need to wait for me if you don't want."

But wait they did, out of a combination of confusion and wondering if I needed help. Drifter held up a sign. _I never thought I'd see any hoser crazy enough to be that casual about burning their skin off and making fucking_ diamonds and sapphires _with her bare hands._

Ace blinked. "Me neither, and I live in the New World with a captain who's managed to crack _air_ when he gets angry. Has Jones _always_ been like this?"

Luffy shook his head, beaming. "Nah, but I like it. Back when we found her was… Not good. I'm glad she's gotten so happy and has so much fun with her fruit!"

Bells above the door jingled as I entered the pawn shop and strode up to the cash. The man behind the counter paused in cleaning an old brass lamp, his eyes flicking to Ruatha on my shoulders before coming to rest on my face. "H-hello Miss. C-can I help you?"

"How much for that piano in the window?" I gestured at the instrument that had first caught my interest- a baby grand piano made of dark wood, with delicate carvings on the legs that resembled waves and spiralling birds. There was a name printed on it in peeling gold leaf; enough letters had flaked off that I couldn't tell what the name had once read. "And by how much, I mean can I exchange it for a couple gemstones I have on me?"

"That would depend what sort of gems you're talking." The storekeeper raised an eyebrow in my direction and set the lamp he'd been cleaning on the counter. The look on his face indicated he didn't think any stones I could present were worth nearly that much.

I plunked my sapphire down on the counter, holding the ruby in reserve.

The storekeeper's eyes bugged out; he snatched up a jeweller's loupe and used it to examine my sapphire. "This- You- Where did you get a fifteen-carat sapphire?!"

Oh. Um… Time to roll an intimidate check! "It's probably safer for us both if I don't tell you. It's not stolen, and that's all you really need to know, isn't it?" A mad grin split my face, stretching my scars as I tilted my hat back, resting my other hand on the counter and leaning slightly forwards. Ruatha grinned as well, all sharp teeth and rumbling laughter.

Face going pale, the storekeeper gulped. "Yes, I suppose that's all I need to know indeed. A fifteen-carat sapphire- and such a vivid blue… Yes, this is worth enough to trade for the piano. Seven stars… I might have to put an add out to sell this; foreign buyers are the only ones with enough money. I was already planning to do that with the baby grand…" He began polishing the sapphire absently. "Would you like me to wrap it for you?"

"No. No, I'm good." That said… How was I going to get an 800lb piano to the ship? I had always been strong, and I'd gotten stronger since coming to this world, but was I strong enough for this? Between my training and my powers… There was only one way to find out.

I clicked my tongue at Ruatha, pointing at the floor. "Down boy. Mommy needs her shoulders to pick up something big."

My dragon snorted, but climbed down as I approached the piano. At the last minute I paused and removed my training weights- both from my arms and my legs. Yes, for once I remembered to do that. Every little bit would help. I passed the weights off to Ruatha, clipping them around his legs and tail. "And carry these for Mommy please; I don't wanna have to come back for them."

"Geh, geh!" My dragon strutted proudly, waving his tail in a slow figure-eight.

Crouching, I moved under the piano so my back was flat against it. I gripped the front legs with my bandaged hands and took a deep breath… Then _lifted_.

Or, rather, it was more standing up, I guess. And tabarnak, the piano was _heavy_. The weight crushed awkwardly at my lungs, making breathing difficult; my legs and back _burned_. My arms were better off, keeping the piano level rather than actually doing the lifting, but even they ached. But at the same time, as much as it hurt, it was manageable. I took a step towards the door, and then another. They were shaky, and my balance wasn't the best. But I could _take_ them, which was all that mattered. I _had_ gotten stronger- much stronger.

And despite the awkward way I was carrying the piano, which should've prevented anyone being able to touch me, I felt a brief brush of hands against my shoulders. Like someone was trying to steady me, or maybe soothe the ache in my back.

One staggering step after another, I made my way out of the store. I couldn't really see where I was going though, bent over the way I was. It led to me bumping into the doorframe a few times before I managed to get out- and then nearly running into Lisa as well. The little girl yelped and jumped back; I likewise tried to pull back, but doing so safely with a piano on my back wasn't the easiest thing. I nearly fell over on my ass as the weight shifted; the only reason I didn't was because Ace grabbed hold of the front of the piano and held it steady.

"You alright under there, little big sis?" Ace peered under the piano with a teasing smile. I growled.

"If I wasn't carrying a piano, I'd deck you right now." That just made Ace laugh at me, so I tried to ram him with the piano. Which was… not a good idea, but I don't always think straight. When I charged him- sluggishly- with the piano, Ace just grabbed the instrument and lifted it up over his head. And since I was too surprised- or stubborn, take your pick- to let go, he picked me up as well by default.

I squirmed, dangling from the raised piano. "Show off! Put me down!"

Ace didn't, just snickered and smiled up at me. I could've dropped down and waited for him to return the piano to the ground- or gotten him to carry it for me, I guess- but I didn't want to do that. I _could_ lift it by myself and I was bloody proud of that, thank you very much! Even if a certain shirtless fireball was still showing me up. Luffy giggled at my predicament.

"Shishishishishi!" Despite nearly rolling around on the ground, my captain was careful not to drop any of my books. "Ace, Jones doesn't like when you ask that. I dunno why. And she doesn't like needing help either, even though that's _dumb_ and everyone needs help with _some_ things."

No one else seemed to find the situation funny. Ace's face fell; he gently lowered me to the ground, piano and all. He was even careful enough to settle the piano on my back the way I'd been carrying it before. I grit my teeth, readjusting to the weight I'd been momentarily free from as it resettled on my spine.

We headed back towards the ship with no further incident. Or, well, until we got to the beach at the same moment said beach _exploded_. My ears rang; the echoing _**BOOM**_ was followed by Usopp's shrieking voice.

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF-! I TOLD YOU FIVE TIMES ALREADY, STOP PUTTING THE AMMONIUM PERCHLORATE DOWN NEAR CANDLES! IT'S _UNSTABLE!_ "

"Sorry, sorry…" Johnny's voice crackled as he tried to soothe the gunner. "I thought I'd put the candle out this time, I swear!"

"SORRY WON'T CUT IT IF YOU BLOW US ALL UP!"

"Calm _down_ ," Yosaku ordered, getting between them. "Bro, take off your sunglasses if that crack's making it hard to see. Big Bro Usopp, it was an accident and no one got hurt. Chill."

Luffy beamed and bounced, interrupting before the gunner could respond. "Hey guys! Whatcha making? Is it supposed to blow up like that? Cool!"

"We're trying _not_ to blow up," Usopp groused. "We've been _trying_ to electrify Johnny's sword while still allowing his spray attack to be a base instead of an acid. It's _not_ easy, especially when _someone_ keeps putting the highly unstable by-products of our experiments near _open flame!_ We already had to shift off the _Merry_ so we didn't damage her!"

Nami shook her head. "At least all the noise must've kept Zoro awake…" the sailing master muttered.

Johnny and Yosaku yelped in unified protest. "Hey! Big Bro Zoro wouldn't sleep on watch! He's been training the whole time- trying to figure out flying slashes, I think."

"Yeah! Although he's been quiet for a while… Maybe he's meditating?"

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. Moss-Head's probably managed to find himself a place to curl up and snooze no matter how loud you're being. Typical."

While Johnny and Yosaku yelped and began to yell indignant protests on Zoro's behalf- yelling over each other so they were difficult to understand- I considered the problem of getting the piano up to the ship. Before I could figure it out, though, Ace picked me and the piano both up and jumped to the deck. For a moment I felt weightless- except for the snap and burn in my elbows as I continued to cling to the bottom of the piano. This time, before putting the piano down, Ace shook the instrument until I fell off. I landed on my ass, arms aching.

"Oi, what was that for?" I glared up at Ace, rubbing my arms. I think I just pulled a few muscles.

Ace shrugged and set the piano down by Nami's tangerines. "S'how I get Lu to let goof things."

"Yeah, well, I'm not your brother!" Rising, I stomped over to Ruatha as my dragon climbed aboard. I retrieved my weights and strapped them back on, looking around. I didn't see any sign of Zoro on deck, nor did he emerge from anywhere as people wandered around putting their shopping away.

And then Lisa found the stab mark in the mast.

"What's this?" The little painter ran her fingers over the golden wood.

Yosaku, helping Johnny and Usopp bring their chemistry equipment back aboard for cleaning, paused. "Looks like a stab wound Li'l Sis. But it's too small for Big Bro Zoro's swords, and he wouldn't do something like that."

A few minutes later, though, it became abundantly apparent that whether the stab mark had anything to do with him or not, Zoro wasn't _around_. I'd been starting to expect that, from what I remembered of Blue's fic, but I hadn't been certain. As soon as it was confirmed, I groaned and began thumping my head repeatedly against the mast. Each thud sent a little charge of force down my spine.

"What's wrong?" Ghin asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I only half paid attention.

"We're in a movie and he's _loose_ and Mock Town's coming but it's not and _what is going on these days? My writer is a pain in the butt!_ " I raised my middle finger at the Fourth Wall. Dammit… Although I wasn't really sure why I was complaining either.

Maybe I was just anxious at the delay in my plans.

Sanji chewed angrily on the butt of his cigarette. "Shit… The Mossball's loose. We've gotta go looking for him. Orders Shit Captain?" The cook turned to Luffy. Picking his nose, the rubber boy rolled his eyes.

"We go looking for him, duh!"

 _That'll have to wait._ Drifter waved a sign as he and Geier soared in a circle around the mast. _Marines arriving in port. I don't think they've seen us, but we might want to move the ship before they notice the Jolly Roger._

"What branch number?" I asked half-heartedly. Not that I had any idea whether to be worrying about any specific captains or not, but if it was someone I _did_ know, I wanted to be prepared.

 _No branch number,_ was the otter's reply. _The ship has a base number on it though. G-8._

Wha-? Well, we _had_ almost sailed into Navarone during that race. I probably shouldn't be surprised. "If anyone's looking for my opinion, we should hide. There's a high chance we'll be dealing with these guys later, and it'll be easier if they don't know who we are. Of course," I glanced at Luffy, "It's your decision, Captain."

Luffy thought for a moment, then nodded. "I trust Jones. If you think that's best… Nami, find us somewhere to hide while we find Zoro."

"Aye-aye captain!" Nami grabbed a map she'd acquired somewhere of Asuka Island. "Posts everyone! You know the drill by now!"

We moved like a well-oiled machine- that sailing race had done wonders for our teamwork. Soon enough the _Going Merry_ was drifting out of the harbour. We passed not one, not two, but _five_ marine ships. I recognized Lieutenant Drake at the bow of one of them. As _Merry_ left port- under the power of just her unmarked mizzen sail, as always when we were trying to avoid detection- I flung Ruatha on top of Ace so my dragon's squawking and fluttering wings would hide the Whitebeard pirate from view.

"Hmm…" Nami scanned the coastline, comparing it to her map. Then suddenly, "There! Between those rocks!"

Usopp shot a dubious look at the narrow opening. "Are you sure we'll fit?"

"Of course we will!" Nami shot the gunner an offended look. "Do you honestly think I'd run _Merry_ aground?"

"No…"

The craggy gap very quickly turned into a swift-flowing river pulling us uphill. We couldn't stop- the bottom was stone worn smooth, no purchase for the anchor- and it was too narrow for us to turn around. As _Merry_ was dragged swiftly along, I took a moment to wonder at the number of times this had happened. I'd always known about Reverse Mountain, of course, but this river, and the one on the island where the race started… Uphill rivers were actually quite a common thing in this world, weren't they?

And then the riverbed dropped abruptly away below us and we were _flying_ through the air. Everything was momentarily weightless. I clung to the nearest line with one hand, my other holding my hat on as we plummeted. Soaring through the sky, not bound to the earth or even the ocean… _This_ was the ultimate form of freedom. I _loved_ it. So what if these weird uphill rivers were common? They were _awesome_.

"Sesehihihihihi!"

"Uuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Usopp didn't share my opinion. The gunner clung to the rails for dear life, his eyes bulging out of his head. Weird… The different biology in this world seemed to be settled disproportionately around the eyes. Was there some survival advantage conferred by being able to emote to such extremes?

"We're gonna hit that hill!" Johnny squeaked, hugging Yosaku tightly. The green hunter just gritted his teeth, gripping the rail with white knuckles.

Chopper stared, mystified, at the landmass Johnny had indicated. "That's no hill…" the tiny doctor murmured. Before anyone could ask him what he meant, he added, "He's singing…"

No one could tell who Chopper meant by _he_.

Johnny was right though- we were descending rapidly towards the hill-like thing. I braced for impact, hoping I could absorb some of the force and lessen the strain on our dear little ship. Soon enough, _Merry_ hit dense, grey-violet earth with a heavy, jarring _**THUD**_. Her timbers shivered; a charge of force almost larger than I could stand raced up my legs. Half the crew was knocked on their ass. And then…

And then _Merry_ _**bounced**_.

The hill moved beneath us, tossing our dear little ship back up into the air. A craggy head rose from the river, massive horn dripping water. Eyes the size of bathtubs tracked our new trajectory with surprise. The last thing I saw before we descended below the treeline was those huge eyes turning into hearts as the massive beast- some sort of cross between a hippo and a rhino- let out a bugling call.

" _ **UAWAWA!**_ "

 _SPLASH!_ The _Going Merry_ set down in a river- a broad, deep one this time, that actually flowed downhill instead of up. Not that there was any shortage of hills in the immediate area. Indeed, all of Asuka Island seemed to be made of hills and lakes. Kind of like Ontario… A quick pang of homesickness jabbed me in the chest; I squashed it down. No point being homesick for a place I'd never see again. For a brief moment, I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. Whatever phantom arms had taken to following me around, they felt a little… sad? I'm not sure… Sighing, I put all such thoughts out of my mind as we steered _Merry_ towards a nearby lake. We were nearly in the center of the island now; it was as good a place as any from which to coordinate our search for Zoro.

I knew where he'd gone. Saga's dojo. But where that _was_ , I had no idea.

"Waaaaaah…" Usopp's eyes were spinning as he leaned heavily on the rails. "Why do we keep _doing_ things like that?"

"Because the Grand Line is as twisted as a bowline tied by a three-year-old," Ghin grumbled, unwrapping himself from a line that had become tangled around his legs.

There was a great stone promontory that thrust out into the lake. Rounding it, we were faced with a broad, shallow bay. A small shrine stood on the shore; a folded towel sat on the steps. Three shimmering pink orbs rested behind the towel. Swimming in the bay was a young girl with long, blue hair. She hummed quietly as she swam in circles, occasionally dipping her head beneath the water to wash her hair. Smiling softly, the girl stepped onto the shore. Her pink swimsuit clung tightly to her body, gold glittering at some of the seams. She walked up to the shrine, wrapping herself in the towel and picking up the orbs- then froze when she caught a glimpse of the _Going Merry_ out of the corner of her eye.

Her face went pale; she spun on her heel and took off into the forest, the orbs and towel clutched to her chest. "Aaaaaiiiieeee!"

"Wait!" Luffy waved after the fleeing girl. "Come back! We're not scary, promise! We just need help finding one of our friends!" He stretched out one arm, grabbing a tree on the shore.

Usopp yelped and grabbed the captain's shoulders. "Hey! Luffy! Calm down- we can find Zoro on our own!"

Johnny and Yosaku rushed to help the gunner, grabbing the rubber boy from behind. It wasn't enough though. Even the weight of three people didn't stop Luffy's arm from snapping back to normal length, dragging all three men through the air at high speed. Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku screamed and flailed as they flew; Luffy giggled. All four of them swiftly disappeared into the forest, crashing sounds indicating their point of landing well beyond what the rest of us could see.

"Uaaaaaaaaah!"

"Yiiiiiieeeeeeee!

"Shishishishishi!"

Nami groaned and rubbed her temples. "Someone drop the anchor, please, so we can go after those morons."

It took a moment for anyone to respond- largely because Zoro was the one who usually dealt with the anchor, and he wasn't there. Eventually Ace did it. The freckled pirate looked just as exasperated as Nami; grey eyes kept flicking worriedly over to where Luffy, Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku had disappeared. "He's just gotten worse since I left, hasn't he?"

I shrugged. "Not really? At least he can beat bears and stuff on his own now, so you don't have to worry as much about him getting hurt."

Ace shot me a flat look. "I will _always_ have to worry about Lu. If he can beat the bear, it just means he'll go looking for something bigger to fight."

Responding to that would require deeper thought than I wanted to get into at the moment- things about Luffy's past and family and Ace's own emotional issues- so I didn't say anything. Yet. Eventually I'd have to address it, but not today. Instead, I focused on getting to the shore without getting wet, since we _still_ didn't have a landing craft. Nami had long since accepted that and stopped hounding me about it, though.

Ruatha clung tight to my shoulders as I prepared to disembark, naturally. What _wasn't_ usual was Lisa trying to climb up with him. The little painter hugged me tight and smiled while I calculated how much force I needed. I looked down at her in surprise. "Eh?"

"I don't wanna get wet either," Lisa made a face at the water. "It makes some of my paints runny and clumpy. And flying's fun."

"Okay…" I reached down and held onto Lisa, making sure she didn't fall off as I launched us shoreward with a force-charged leap. She still wasn't strong enough to hold on through such acceleration on her own… I'd been trying, but training her was slow going when she cared more about experimenting with different colours of paint.

 _FWAM!_ A burst of force sent us flying away from the _Going Merry_ , setting the little caravel rocking. Oops. I don't _think_ I did any damage, though. Having more passengers than usual- and the fact that I hadn't done this with Ruatha since he was a fair bit smaller- threw my balance off; I found myself flipping over in the air. A quick twist of force to redistribute gravity for a moment fixed that. Half a second later, I came down on the shore on my feet. Lisa giggled and grinned as she released her grip on my waist.

"Your Devil Fruit is so cool Jones!" The little painter bounced on her toes. "You and Luffy both. I wish _I_ had a Devil Fruit too- they're so much fun!"

My face heated up. Tabarnak… I've never really known how to deal with compliments. Sometimes I can just ignore it, if there's more pressing things on my mind but just then… Thankfully, Drifter and Geier landed in a tree beside us just then, providing a distraction. Sanji, Ghin, and Ace leapt to shore soon after, with the cook carrying Robin and the rigger carrying Chopper. Sanji's eyes glowed pink. Nami arrived last, having decided to swim over rather than ask Ace for a lift.

"Should we not leave someone to guard the ship?" Robin asked as Sanji put her down.

Nami shook her head. "I doubt there's a need. Unless…" The sailing master turned to me. "Jones… What do you think? You don't know this island well, but you know _something_ about it, right?"

"Yeah… I promised Luffy I wouldn't give out spoilers though."

Sanji blew a smoke ring at me, setting me coughing. "If you hadn't noticed, the shitty captain's not here, and neither's the shitty mossball who'd hold you to it. Spoil away."

I shrugged, self-conscious. "My word is the only honour I have; even if they're not here, I won't break a promise. But I _can_ tell you that we don't need to post any guards. _Merry_ will be fine; if we need to worry about anyone, it's Zoro."

Chopper sniffed the air, his nose twitching adorably. "So… Should we go after Luffy and the others, or try to follow that girl? Sorry… I can't smell Zoro anywhere, so I don't know…"

"There's nothing to apologize for Choppy." I scooped the little doctor into my arms and cuddled him like a teddy bear. Smiling, Lisa reached up to rub his soft fur.

No one answered the doctor's question at first. After a while I realized that everyone was looking at _me_. Except Ace; he'd succumbed to a narcoleptic fit and was draped over a nearby log, snoring away. A little bit of drool leaked out the corner of his open mouth. Yeah… He _really_ looked like Luffy sometimes, and when he was sleeping was one of them. Were Roger and Garp related somehow? Cousins or something?

I raised an eyebrow at all the stares being directed my way. "What? What is it?"

"The captain's not here," Ghin said slowly, "And neither's the bosun. Next on the list would be the sailing master if we were at sea- Nami- or the quartermaster on land. But we don't have one of those. Not really."

"Okay…" What was he getting at? And since when wasn't Nami the quartermaster as well as the sailing master? She was the one who was in charge of the crew's budget. I didn't realize I'd voiced those thoughts until Ghin and Nami both shook their heads.

"Like I want the trouble of herding these monkeys on land. It's bad enough when they're confined to the ship and can't escape to do too much damage."

"And the quartermaster looks after more than just the budget," Ghin explained. A wry smirk crossed his face. "They're also in charge of making lists of supplies, telling people what the ship needs as a whole. Now, let's see- who usually does that? Oh, and the quartermaster's usually the one in charge of any public relations and negotiations and such… And who do we know who's pretty good at _that?_ "

My face heated up even more; I promptly hid it behind Chopper's fluffy hat so people couldn't see me blushing. "Sorry…"

Sanji huffed. "Don't apologise, dammit. You've done well enough so far."

Drifter nodded in agreement and raised a sign. Wow, he seemed to carry an unlimited supply of those things around… I wondered how. _All in favour of Jones as our quartermaster?_

More hands, paws, and wings rose than really should've been possible with the number of people we had around. I glanced up and shot a frown at Robin; the archaeologist responded with a small, mysterious smile. The extra hands poofed out of existence with a swirl of petals. Groaning internally, I hung my head. Robin, why do you like to mess with me so?

Then Drifter reached over from his perch on Geier's back and patted my head. He waved another sign in front of my face. _Congratulations Jonesie; you're in charge until the other hosers get back. So… What should we do?_

Merde… Yes, yes, let's randomly decide to give me authority during an adventure _I had only the faintest idea about_. That's _sure_ to go well. My head started to ache, a dull, rhythmic throbbing. I nuzzled the back of Chopper's head as I thought.

"We… I guess we should split up. Some of us follow the girl, and some of us look for Luffy, Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku, and Zoro." Although I had a pretty good idea where the captain, gunner, and hunters were- or at least, where they'd end up. The tunnels were my favourite part of that chapter of Blue's fic. "Umm… Sanji, Nami, Robin, Chopper, Ace- you guys head for the village. I- I mean, follow the girl. Ghin, Lisa, Drifter, Geier- you come with me and look for the missing third of our crew."

Everyone nodded; Ghin patted me on the head. "There. That wasn't so hard now, was it?"

"No…" I shook my head. My honorary big brother smirked.

"And giving orders felt kind of good, didn't it?"

"Maybe a little…" Not that I was about to let it go to my head. And _merde_ , what if I screwed up and sent someone into a trap, got them hurt? Did Luffy worry about this all the time? I tried to put it out of my mind. My crew mates were tough; everyone would be _fine_. The groups I'd assigned split off. As I wandered off into the trees with the rest of the search team, I glanced back to see Sanji kick Ace in the ribs to wake him. The firecracker, unprepared, flew into a tree and bounced to the ground before he was awake enough to remember to go intangible. Huh. Guess he was one of those logia who still needed to know an attack was coming to avoid being hit.

Lisa worked her hand into one of mine to hold as we walked; Ghin strode along behind, watching my back. Drifter and Geier flitted overhead, the vulture pulling maneuvers that would've been difficult for birds half her size as she wove between the trunks and branches. Ruatha, still perched on my shoulders, watched her intently. Every once in a while he fluttered his wings and twitched his tail. Poor baby… He wanted to fly so badly.

 _So…_ Drifter asked as we moved further into the forest, _Where're we headed? You have any idea where the other hosers might be?_

"Not really… Sorry…" I flinched. "But- it's Luffy. If we find the head of the trail of destruction, we can just follow that."

Somehow, though, despite heading in the direction Luffy and company had rocketed in, we _couldn't_ find the trail of destruction. Or rather, we found more than one and couldn't tell which one was right. Numerous wide swathes of flattened undergrowth and broken branches cut through the forest; most were probably made by large animals like the hippo-rhino we'd bounced the _Merry_ off of earlier. The problem was that without a tracker like Chopper, we couldn't easily tell which ones had been made by animals, and which were the product of human activity.

I looked up at Drifter and opened my mouth; the otter shook his head and shot me down before I could actually get any words out. _Nope. I'm not getting down on my paws and sniffing around like a barbarian. Where I come from, animals are civilized._

Okay, that was… odd. Shrugging, I crouched down to take a look in the unlikely event that I could spot any footprints. Nothing. Not that I'd ever been taught how to track at all… But I _did_ remember Blue saying that the dojo was on top of a cliff or something. So we needed to head uphill. Trying to ignore how much that sounded like Zoro-logic, I stood up and glanced at my companions.

"No idea which is the right one, but maybe if we climb up there we'll be high enough to get a decent look around." I pointed at a randomly selected nearby hill. Ghin looked thoughtful and nodded his agreement, which made me relax somewhat. What? I was still nervous about the whole quartermaster thing; having him approve of my decisions was a lovely balm for my shaking ego.

Lisa released my hand to skip and whistle as we climbed. I kept a close eye on her; the similarity to home- plus what Ace had said earlier- left me worrying about bears. If we were all together, I was sure we could take one, but if Lisa ran off alone… I shook my head. Ghin's mother hen tendencies were rubbing off on me.

"Monah…" Ruatha rested his head atop mine, a warm, heavy weight.

For all my excuse of going up the hill to have a look around, we couldn't actually see much of anything for most of the climb. The trees were too thick; dark green branches blocked out almost the entire sky- forget even _trying_ to see anything going on below. Sticky, syrupy smells filled the air, pine resin and cedar.

About halfway up the hill, though, the trees opened up in a clearing surrounding a small spring. The source of the clearing was obvious- not too long before, a towering fir had come crashing down. Its log- just starting to decay- cut across the center of the space like a great fence. Lisa clambered up on top of the damp wood, shading her eyes as she peered out over the island. Aww, adorable…

A chuckle from beside the spring alerted me to the fact that we weren't alone. There was a man standing there, tall and slender, with long white hair that dripped water onto his red robes. It looked like he'd just gotten dressed after bathing. One of his arms hung funny, limp, like maybe he couldn't use it properly; despite this, he had a large sword strapped across his back.

"You three make an adorable little family," the man observed, smiling. Something about his expression- or maybe his tone of voice- set me off. I couldn't speak, couldn't think; I ended up ducking my head, hiding my face behind one of Ruatha's wings. Geier landed on the log beside Lisa with a squawk; Drifter held up a sign as soon as she stopped moving.

 _It's six, hoser. Just cause three of us can't talk don't mean we're not people._

"My apologies," the man bowed, "I didn't mean to offend. If I may ask, though, what are you doing up here? It's a long way from the town and village; the only things in these hills are some old ruins and a marine dojo- and a few hermits such as myself." He ended with a self-deprecating chuckle.

"We're looking for a friend of ours," Ghin grunted. "Maybe you've seen him? Fairly tall, muscular, green hair, carries three swords. He wandered off somewhere, and he doesn't have the best sense of direction. Gotta find him before he ends up in Mariejois or something."

The white-haired man raised his eyebrows in surprise. He didn't speak right away, pausing to think about something first. His smile was fixed in place once more by the time he decided what words to use. "Ah, so you're some of Zoro's friends. Don't worry, I have people keeping an eye on him. I'm afraid it's my fault he wandered off- I'm an old friend, and I asked him to help me with something. My name is Fornaldar Saga."

Warning! Warning! Red flags started going off in my head. Dammit Blue! Would it have killed you to be a little more descriptive in your fic? Then again, I bet you never thought I'd be relying on that silly thing to puzzle my way through a potentially life-threatening adventure, did you? Still… If you'd bothered to describe what Saga looked like, I would've been able to warn people! Tabarnak!

I didn't let my alarm show on my face though. It would only let him know I was onto him. Instead, I began trying desperately to come up with a way to talk our way out of this. Not easy, given that literally the only things I knew about this guy were that he was an old friend of Zoro's, he used to be a marine, and he was cursed. And I wasn't even sure about the one in the middle- could've been my imagination from the way Blue wrote things. No, the only thing I could trust was that he was currently in the thrall of the sentient magic sword on his back, and that made him an enemy until it could be destroyed.

Huh. Asuka Island would actually make for a decent D&D game.

And then, still without changing that pleasant smile that was so at odds with the curse I knew him to be under, Saga made my blood run cold. "None of you happen to be Jones, do you? Zoro mentioned the name as someone who might be able to help me, but didn't really give a description beyond being female and a witch."

What in the nine _bloody_ hells could he want with me? I wanted to deny it, to use another name, pretend I was someone else- but my crewmates _didn't know what was wrong!_ Before I could open my mouth, Lisa was nodding in confirmation. She hopped down from the log and grabbed my hand, swinging our arms back and forth.

"Yep. This is Jones! And I'm Lisa, and that's Ghin, and Ruatha, and Drifter, and Geier! Drifter's _really_ soft, but if you try to pet him without permission, he'll shank you." Okay, even when I was frozen and terrified, Lisa's strange mix of childishness and hardened criminal was adorable.

"Excellent." Saga held his hand out towards me. "Would you mind coming with me, Jones? I have something I'd like you to look at; it needs a witch's expertise."

" _NO!_ " My sudden shout surprised everyone, myself included. I was shaking… The little knowledge I had was worse than when I knew nothing at all. I didn't know what to do, what to _say_ , only that this man was bad. And _powerful_. If Blue's fic had any accuracy whatsoever, Saga was capable of beating Luffy, of nearly killing Zoro. And he was smarter than either of them.

And that sword didn't help- _Shichiseiken_ , or the Seven Star Sword, whichever name you want to use. I'm not sure whether it was because I knew it was cursed and my mind decided to play tricks on me, or if I could actually sense something about the curse, but… That thing was _evil_. Dark and sticky and _wrong_. I didn't want to be anywhere near it.

"No?" Saga's smile hardened into a line. "My dear, that _wasn't_ a request. I asked if you'd _mind_ ; you don't have a choice in the actual act of accompanying me."

He reached out to grab my hand, which I had pulled back when I yelled. Ghin stepped in and slapped him away. "Hey, cool it. When someone says no, you stop."

From a hard line to a glare; Saga's expression was suddenly stone, like the carved snarl of a gargoyle. "I'm afraid _you_ don't get a say either. I require the witch's assistance, and I'll be taking her. By force, if necessary."

He drew his sword- both it and his eyes flashed green with eerie inner light. A part of me wanted to run, but… I'd sworn I wouldn't. That after Arlong, I'd never run again. And besides… Even if Saga could beat Luffy one-on-one, it wasn't just one person he was facing right now. I drew one of my sais with one hand, my other clenching into a fist. Ghin pulled his tonfa out from their place across the base of his spine; Lisa readied her paints. Ruatha climbed down off my shoulders with a hiss as Drifter drew his clam blades and Geier cocked her gun.

"Mystic Fire!" Green flames roared out of _Shichiseiken_ as Saga cut across. Steel rang against steel as Ghin caught the slash with his own weapons- but that did nothing to stop the fire. Green embers latched onto Ghin's jacket, singeing the hems; the rigger fell to the ground and rolled across the damp earth to prevent them from spreading.

I jumped in with a flying kick to Saga's chest, followed by five rapid strikes with my fist and an up and down slash with my sai. "Pentagon Punch! Tiger Blade!" Saga blocked each attack with little effort. Merde… He even had time to swing back and catch Drifter's clam blades on the pommel of his sword as the otter jumped from Geier's back. A quick flick threw the little mustelid away.

Tabarnak. Saga was _fast_.

"Calming Green!" Lisa splashed Saga with a great swathe of paint, forcing me to slip to the side lest I be hit as well. She was sure getting a lot of mileage out of that colour since joining our crew- although certainly for good reason. It was probably the fastest way to subdue people I'd ever seen… As long as their symbolism and yours matched up.

Saga's didn't. He didn't even pause. In fact, if anything, Lisa's green made him _worse_ , feeding the green light that seeped from his eyes and sword. Saga immediately launched an attack in her direction. "Mystic Snake Fang Assault!"

 _Shichiseiken_ 's blade transformed into a giant serpent made of blue fire. I staggered at the mere sight of it, shaking my head- this was no Devil Fruit bullshit, this was straight up actual _magic_. The snake lunged forwards, sinking its fangs into Lisa's shoulder. I tried to step in and deflect it, but the fire just flowed around my sai as if it wasn't even there. The steel heated up in my hand.

Blood. Too much blood ran down Lisa's arm and chest. She screamed, tears welling up at the corners of her eyes. Grabbing the snake behind its head, Lisa tried to pull it off. She only succeeded in burning her hands. Blue, yellow, and green paint splattered over the rocks as Lisa dropped her palette.

"Bastard!" Ghin roared as he rolled to his feet. Tonfa spinning, he charged Saga from one side while I came in from the other. "Black Dog's Howl!"

"GAAAAAAAAME!"

"Mystic Whirlwind!" Saga transformed _Shichiseiken_ back to a proper sword and spun as Ghin and I attacked, cutting both of us across the chest with a blade that trailed stinging blue-green fire. His limp arm, flying up in a floppy yet perfectly controlled movement, delivered a heavy strike to the side of my head. Saga followed the spin with an overhead chop as he came around, a strike Ghin was barely able to block.

"Reeow!" Darting in underneath, Drifter jumped up and somersaulted towards Saga's face. Shining clam blades came close enough to the swordsman's eye to clip the ends off a few white bangs- but not enough to do actual damage. Saga brought _Shichiseiken_ up and once more knocked the otter away. Chips of shell flew; the cursed sword chipped Drifter's clam blades when he blocked.

DAKAKAKAKAKA! "SCAAAREEEEEEEE!" Geier swooped in from above, her machine gun blazing. Saga turned on the ball of one foot; his hand moved in a blur as his eyes lit up brighter green than I'd ever seen, with veins of the same colour flowing over his skin. He _blocked every single bullet that came in_ , cutting _most of them in half!_ Then that terrible blade, glowing green like its thrall, swung up at Geier. Even though the vulture was too far away to be hit by the upward slash itself, a green fireball caught her in the face.

"SCEEEEEYAAAAAAAAA!" Geier crashed into the ground at Saga's feet. He moved to split her with _Shichiseiken_ ; this time, unlike with Lisa, someone was fast enough to help. Ghin ducked in, one tonfa held over head to block the descending sword, and pulled the vulture away.

He didn't manage to save her gun, though. Cursed metal and flames tore through steel with a horrid- but thankfully brief- noise that left my ears ringing.

Off to the side of the fight proper, Ruatha was crouched over Lisa. He alternated between licking her wounded shoulder and awkwardly trying to put pressure on it with his head; red smeared over white scales. Every once in a while my baby would glance up at Saga and hiss, then look to me to see if I had any instructions.

I didn't, though. Couldn't think of much beyond _fear_ and _anger_ because this man had _hurt Lisa_. Spinning in, I alternated striking with my sai and kicking as I went around and around, hoping the movement would make it harder for Saga to counter me. "Dragon Swarm!"

The very tip of my sai left a faint scratch on Saga's face, barely visible. It vanished almost instantly in a wash of green light. Then the swordsman stomped and spun in place, the tip of _Shichiseiken_ tracing a circle on the rocks around him. An instant later, a wall of green fire flooded out in all directions, accompanied by a shockwave that knocked me back on my ass.

"Mystic Thunder!"

Tabarnak! That _burned!_ This was worse than being branded by Ace! Sure, that had been hotter and more sustained, but this… _Shichiseiken_ didn't just burn _flesh_. I could feel it _inside_ too, tearing at parts of my _mind_. There's really no way for me to explain it. Rapidly flickering bands of black and white danced across my vision, making me feel sick; I was overcome with a sudden burst of _despair_ and _self-loathing_ without the usual thoughts that accompanied such feelings. Something in the back of my mind even started wondering who _I_ even was, and whether all of my thoughts and feelings recently were just another of my many, many masks…

"Destruction Field!" Luckily for me, self-loathing in no way impairs my ability to fight through pain. I rolled up and over, bringing a sai and a kick down simultaneously like a hammer, releasing a burst of force as I did so. Saga stepped back out of the way, sweeping his sword through the back of my knee as I tried to get my balance in a new and awkward position. Planting a foot on my chest, the cursed swordsman turned slightly, bringing _Shichiseiken_ up to block as Ghin came in from the side.

Green sparks scattered through the air as steel met steel.

"Belial!" Instead of trying to break through the block, Ghin used it, crossing his arms in such a way that _Shichiseiken_ was pinned between his tonfa. He dropped his weight, twisting down and around- only to be stopped dead partway through. Because Saga _hadn't moved_. The cursed swordsman was strong enough to hold Ghin up with one arm.

"Mystic Fire!" This time, Saga's attack caught Ghin point-blank in the chest, flinging him backwards and burning him badly. My honorary brother lost his grip on his tonfa as his arms flew out to the sides; the weapons clattered to the ground well away from where he fell.

I reached up and grabbed Saga's ankle, twisting violently in the hope of flinging him off my chest. No such luck. Maybe if I'd been on my front, able to get my arms under me and lever myself upwards I could've forced him to move by picking him up, but in this position, I had no leverage. Wait… Levers are used to increase force… I'm an _idiot_.

"Newton's Second!" A force burst made Saga stagger back, allowing me to get to my feet. The cursed swordsman raised his eyebrows and wiped a bit of blood from the corner of his mouth. That's right, bastard, bite your tongue in surprise. You deserve it.

"Hmmm… That tastes like a Devil Fruit power…"

Wait- taste? I didn't get a chance to ask what that meant, or even to prepare myself before Saga attacked again. Glowing green steel morphed into blue flames. "Mystic Snake Fang Assault!"

YEOW! Blue fire dug into my chest, tearing through skin like great teeth. A few flicks of Saga's wrist made the snake bite over and over, each time creating a new burst of pain. Pain and blood and light… The flaming serpent was so close to my face, all I could see was blue and red. Faintly, I could feel disembodied arms wrapping around my shoulders, trying to comfort me and maybe pull me away. But while they did help with the pain, somewhat, whatever phantom had taken to following me wasn't able to shift a person.

"REE! REEOW! RE- oof!" Drifter tried to attack again, this time targeting Saga's ankles. The cursed swordsman stomped on him, knocking the otter flat. Buffeting wings a second later- courtesy of Geier- had no more effect. The flaming serpent rose momentarily from tearing holes in my chest to rip at one of the vulture's wings, forcing her to the ground.

KRA-KOW! KRA-KOW!

Two pistol shots- Ghin was finally using those guns he'd bought so long ago. Too bad both shots missed, Saga twitching to the side as if his cursed blade gave him Kenbunshoku Haki.

Off to the side, Lisa had gotten to her knees, with Ruatha still clumsily trying to stop her shoulder bleeding. The little girl crawled to her dropped paints, mixing swiftly. "Hallucination Hot Pink!"

"Zariel!" Lisa's attack didn't hit, but it provided an excellent distraction that allowed Ghin's to make contact. Scooping up his tonfa, Ghin bull-rushed Saga, knocking the cursed swordsman away from me and pinning him to a tree. But Saga didn't seem phased at all, smiling as Ghin drew back a hand to strike.

"Mystic Thunder!" A great wave of green flames struck Ghin in the face; the accompanying shockwave knocked him flying again. Saga followed it up with a spinning strike that caused more flames to lash out at Ghin, Lisa, Drifter, and Ruatha; Geier and I were spared only because we were so flat on the ground. "Mystic Whirlwind!"

Blood dripping down my front, I forced myself to my feet. My arms were barely functioning, numb; I wasn't sure if it was because of the physical injuries, or the way _Shichiseiken_ had burned my mind. Everyone else rose as well, even Lisa. Poor girl… She wasn't a front-line fighter; she shouldn't have to deal with this.

Gripping my sai tightly, I curled up into a ball and rolled for Saga's knees. At the same moment, Ghin leapt for the cursed swordsman's head. Drifter launched himself at Saga's stomach, a raging ball of wild, bloody fur. Ruatha spat before running in with claws flashing; Geier's hopping, shrieking attack was much the same. Lisa swiped her paintbrush across, careful not to hit any of the rest of us.

"Shell Game!"

"Azazel!"

"Ree-owa!"

"Hokalvoth ediin! Dovah jusk!"

"SCREEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"Sadness Blue!"

None of our attacks hit, though. Right before Ghin's tonfa made contact with his head, Saga shrouded himself in a sphere of swirling green fire that blew us all away. It also, due to the spiralling, gathered us all up and flung us on top of each other. "Mystic Raiment!"

And he didn't stop there. Once my crewmates and I had been thrown together in a heap, another burst of fire rose of from the ground, firing us all into the air. "Mystic Judgement!" I was separated from the others as we flew; a second later, I landed draped over Saga's outstretched arm. The impact knocked the wind out of me- for some reason, my Devil Fruit had momentarily decided not to function.

"This would have been so much easier if you'd just agreed to come quietly, my dear." Awkwardly sheathing his sword, Saga unleashed one final attack using the act of _clicking_ Shichiseiken _into its sheath_ as a catalyst. "Mystic Indignation!"

A pillar of fire rose up out of the cursed sword and came down on my crew mates. By the time it hit, it almost looked like a titanic bolt of lightning rather than a column of flame. The _explosion_ produced when the flames struck their target was blinding. I couldn't see anything, couldn't tell whether everyone else was okay… And the _sound_. A tremendous _**FOOM**_ that left daggers piercing through the sides of my brain as my ears rang like church bells.

I wasn't entirely sure what happened after that. Couldn't see, couldn't hear… I was aware of Saga carrying me, but I couldn't tell where or how long. Tabarnak… What did he want from me?

X

Chopper's ears drooped. He couldn't believe it- he'd lost the girl's scent. Tracking in this kind of forest… It was different than back home. So many new smells- his nose was getting confused. Especially since _this_ area in particular smelled like a whole _town_ had been running back and forth across it for _years_. It was impossible to pick out the scent of a single person in the mess. The little reindeer popped into Walk Point and snuffled at the ground, hoping the form he was born with would be more sensitive than his hybrid one. It wasn't.

"Sorry everyone… I lost her. There's too many scents…" Chopper sniffed harder, tail twitching with annoyance- at both the forest and himself. "Too many _people_."

Nami patted him on the back of the neck. "It's fine. You got us this far, and I think I see a village up ahead. We can ask people there if they've seen Zoro- no need to worry about the girl."

"Eheh…" Chopper flicked his ears and tucked his tail in sheepishly. He hadn't noticed that they were getting close to a village… Although that would certainly explain the town's worth of scents he was picking up.

"Hopefully they're not a village of cannibals who trap and eat clueless travellers like ourselves," Robin said conversationally. Squeaking, Chopper popped into Brain Point and jumped onto Ace's shoulders, waving his hockey stick about as he looked for people hiding in the undergrowth. He didn't want to be eaten!

Shaking his head, Ace pulled Chopper down off his shoulders and held the little doctor close to his chest. "Robin, don't scare him like that. He's just a kid."

"Sorry, Fire Fist." The archaeologist didn't look very sorry. Chopper wondered why Jones and Luffy seemed to like her so much- she was all quiet and scary! But… It _did_ feel nice when she sprouted extra hands to pet him with, and it was always good to have more people to talk about science and history and stuff. Robin knew a _lot_ about medical history that Doctorine hadn't been able to tell him…

Ace's arms were warm- far too warm for a reindeer from a winter island. Between his fur and his Leafs jersey, Chopper had more than enough insulation for this mild forest. Squirming down, the doctor shot Robin a reproachful look. "That wasn't very nice _at all_. I'm a prey species- you _know_ I scare easily when it comes to being eaten."

Robin actually seemed to _wilt_ a little at that. "My apologies, Gospodin Doctor. I didn't mean any offense."

"Dammit, Shitty Reindeer!" Sanji's frowned. "You shouldn't upset a lady like that- she was just trying to make a joke!"

The cook moved to kick Chopper, the way he kicked everyone who annoyed him. On the one hand, Chopper was overjoyed to be included and treated like the human members of the crew, but on the other… he _really_ didn't want to be kicked. So Chopper opened his eyes as wide as they would go, until the stretch hurt just a little- just enough to make his eyes start to water a tiny bit. He turned his head up to stare at Sanji, lower lip trembling, and wrung his forehooves together. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to upset anyone. I was j-just so s-scared!"

"D'aaaawwww…" Chopper suddenly found himself in Nami's arms. Much better than being hugged by Ace- Nami wasn't _nearly_ as warm. "Look at that cute little face. Sanji, how dare you make Chopper cry?"

The sailing master rapped the cook lightly on the head; disproportionate to the level of punishment, Sanji seemed to collapse inwards. "Sorry, Nami dear… Sorry Chopper…"

Ace coughed something that sounded suspiciously like the word _whipped_ into his fist. Spinning on his heel, Sanji launched a kick into the freckled pirate's chest which, thanks to Ace's Devil Fruit, had zero real effect. "I am _not_ whipped, Shitty Fireball! I simply show the ladies the respect and affection they deserve!"

Through the hole Sanji had kicked, Chopper could see parts of Ace's lung and ribcage before the flames blocked them out, the freckled pirate's fluid body flowing back into place. Fascinating… He could learn so much about anatomy if Ace would allow him to perform a vivisection- given the unique properties of the logia, it shouldn't hurt him at all if Chopper was quick. And Chopper was _very_ quick about such things. He had to be, otherwise some of his past patients would've died on the table- a certain world-walking witch came to mind. The little doctor was _still_ amazed Jones had been up and about so quickly after what he'd seen… He found himself wishing _she_ had eaten a logia like Ace, rather than her rather explosive paramecia fruit. The Force-Force Fruit could do a lot of cool things, but it meant he couldn't safely perform a vivisection to compare the anatomy of people from her world to that of people from his own.

When the pirates arrived at the village, they were met with the sight of people rushing about in a panic. Most of the women and children were sneaking off into the woods, while the men looked to be preparing to fight- though their only weapons were cleavers and farming equipment. Chopper saw the girl he'd been trying to track as she knelt by the mossy ruins of an ancient building. Her hands shook, but her voice was calm- the kind of calm that hides sheer terror- as she pleaded with an old woman who was sitting on the wall.

"Please, Grandma Izaya, pirates are coming! You need to get out of here!"

"I will not." The old lady tapped her walking stick sharply on the ground. "When you get to be my age, death stops holding so much dread- even a bloody death at the hands of pirates. If He comes for me, I'll welcome Him as a friend- and bring as many of those pirates as I can with me. They can have their drunken parties in Hell."

Wow. That old lady had the same attitude as Doctorine. Chopper found himself drawn to her automatically. He wondered if she was some sort of local medicine woman- her garish, heavily decorated clothes looked like it. Would there be time for him to ask her about herb lore and things once they found Zoro? Doctorine always said the herb lore of different islands was overlooked far too often in medicine.

Nami glanced around, taking in the way the villagers were hiding and arming themselves. "You don't think… Maybe they have something they're trying to hide?" she whispered. "This isn't a _normal_ reaction to a pirate raid. More like a _war_."

"Judging by those runes, I'd say you're right, Baryshnya Navigator." Robin idly ran her hand over a broken, moss-covered column that was covered in strange, half-hidden symbols. "There's a story here… And not one the wider world is meant to know."

Chopper wondered why Robin didn't just use everyone's names. She'd started out with Miss and Mister, or some of them had weird little nicknames, but as time went on, the archaeologist was getting _more_ formal, not less, even slipping into a West Blue language he didn't understand. The reindeer's ears twitched thoughtfully. It was almost like… she was afraid of getting attached, and this was a way of distancing herself from the crew. He didn't know how to fix that, though; he was a doctor, not a psychologist.

The blue-haired girl froze, finally noticing the Straw Hats that had followed her up from the lake. "AAAAAH! THE PIRATES! THEY'RE HERE!"

Those villagers who had managed to arm themselves gathered together and moved as if to ward off the pirates, advancing as a group. Chopper didn't know about anyone else, but he found this quite menacing; the little doctor clung tight to Nami, his ears lying flat with nerves. Sanji, meanwhile, took a step forwards, hands raised with the palms out.

"Oi, oi, everyone calm down. We're not here to hurt anyone; just looking for one of our friends. Shithead wandered off and got lost."

The old lady who'd been up until then refusing to move slowly stood up and nodded. She was tiny, but managed to shoulder her way through the crowd like they were nothing more than a beaded curtain. "See, Maya? There's no need for me to run. These pirates aren't here to hurt anyone… Tell me dears, what does this friend of yours look like?"

"Fairly big guy," Sanji told her, dropping his cigarette butt on a stone and stomping it out. "Tall, muscular, green hair; carries three swords. He has the shittiest sense of direction ever, so he'd prob'ly have a look of dumb confusion on his face and be wandering around aimlessly."

Before the old lady could respond, one of the villagers interrupted. "Why are you helping them, Izaya?" The man gestured violently with the cleaver he was holding. "Even if they're not here to hurt us- which I doubt; you can't trust the word of a pirate- they're still _pirates!_ Just like the men who attacked us last month! If one of them gets lost in the forest and dies, I say let him rot!"

"Besides," and here the villager pointed his cleaver at Robin as she quietly examined the symbols on a ruined wall, " _That one_ has plenty of blood on her hands. She's the Devil of Ohara!"

Robin flinched at that title, and Chopper flinched right along with her. He didn't understand what it meant, exactly- he'd never heard of Ohara- but calling someone a devil… The reindeer snorted and popped into Walk Point, causing Nami to drop him as he pawed at the ground and prepared to charge. Sanji, however, beat him to it.

"Hey! Don't say things like that about Robin! She's no devil- rather a sweet angel with lovely violet wings and a silver halo of wisdom!" The cook stepped in and kicked the cleaver out of the villager's hand. "And what the Hell's an Ohara?!"

"Nothing important," Robin interrupted before anyone could say anything. She didn't look at anyone, still examining the symbols cut into old stone. Chopper whined, still tempted to ask- but Robin probably wouldn't answer. And while Nami and Sanji looked clueless, Ace made a quiet noise of understanding. Chopper would just ask him later.

"These runes," Robin murmured, ignoring everyone's stares, "They're similar to ancient Chichewa. A bit of an odd dialect, but if I have enough time…"

The wind shifted, bringing new scents to Chopper's nose. More people, approaching the village. At first the reindeer thought maybe it was another group of pirates, that there actually _was_ an invasion. Then he caught a familiar whiff of steel, sweat, and oil. His ears perked up; he pranced in place for a moment, unable to help himself, before bolting in the direction of that beloved smell. " _ZORO!_ "

Not really paying attention to where he was going, Chopper cantered through a bunch of marines to get to his friend. They were led by a tall man in bluish armour and a heavy man with lots of tattoos- although that fact didn't register until a few minutes later. Chopper leapt through the air when he caught a glimpse of familiar green, transforming into Brain Point as he soared so that he was tiny when he landed on Zoro's chest. The bosun caught him reflexively, eyes wide with shock.

"Ch-Chopper?!"

"Where did you _go?_ " the little doctor demanded, widening his eyes until they started watering. He sniffled, picking up a faint, strange addition to Zoro's usual scent. Something acrid and bitter that stung Chopper's nose- Zoro needed a bath. "I was so _worried_."

"Gah! Chopper, calm down!" Zoro briefly rubbed Chopper behind the ears before putting him down. "I'm fine; don't worry. Just helping a friend out with some things."

A wave of relief washed through Chopper; he hugged his hockey stick and took a step back, the better to look up at Zoro from his diminutive height. "Oh. Okay then. Sorry… Just… When we couldn't find you…" He bit his lip and sniffled slightly. Zoro winced.

"Hey, hey, hey, Senpai," the man in blue armour interrupted before the Straw Hat bosun could reply. "Come on- we're on a schedule. She's just over there."

He gestured towards the blue-haired girl. Zoro nodded, face hardening. Chopper took another few steps back in alarm- Zoro was _scary_. What was going _on?_ Why was Zoro acting so scary?

The bosun drew _Wado Ichimonji_ as he walked up to the girl. He pointed it ay her threateningly. "Priestess of the Seven Stars- hand over the sacred orbs."

"No!" The girl backed away, clutching a small bag to her chest. Chopper heard the clink of round stones striking each other inside. "Please, just leave us alone! You don't understand!"

Zoro winced at that, and for a moment Chopper thought the bosun was going to lower his sword, apologize, and explain himself. Instead, though, his grip on the hilt of _Wado Ichimonji_ tightened. The swordsman grit his teeth, his gaze turning inwards- like he was thinking of something that caused him pain. "Hand over the sacred orbs and we'll leave peacefully; if not, I'll be forced to take them. I won't ask again."

"I can't! Please, just leave us alone!" The girl took a few steps back, until she accidentally walked into a wall. She couldn't go any further without taking her eyes off Zoro and his marine companions.

Zoro hesitated. The large, tattooed man who'd come with him snorted. "You're too soft, Senpai. Just take 'em." His eyes flashed eerie green as he spoke, sending child up Chopper's spine.

Sighing, Zoro nodded and began approaching the blue-haired girl again. There was no more hesitation in his step. Squeaking in fright, the girl turned and took off. As she passed the stubborn little old lady, the girl grabbed the woman's hand and pulled her along as she ran. Zoro took off in pursuit. Jumping in the way, Sanji swung a foot up and kicked the swordsman in the chest, halting him in his tracks.

"Oi! Shitty Moss Brain! What the fuck are you doing?!"

The bosun didn't answer. Zoro tried to shoulder past, scowling; Sanji maintained his position, driving a knee into the swordsman's stomach. "Answer me, _salaud!_ What's going on?"

"Damare!" Zoro lashed out with his free hand, shoving Sanji roughly aside. So roughly, in fact, that the cook was sent crashing into the wall of a nearby building- which then collapsed on top of him from the force of the blow. Squeaking, Chopper scrambled over to begin digging Sanji free of the broken bricks.

Darting forwards, Zoro managed to grab the blue-haired girl by the arm before she and the old lady could escape. He pried the bad she was holding free of her hand, the stones inside clinking loudly from the rough motion. A few of the villagers, armed with cleavers, raced at the bosun in an unorganized rush. Zoro caught all their blades with his own, cutting right through many of them. A quick spinning attack launched the villagers away, sending them sprawling over the ground.

"Come on. Let's go." The Straw Hat bosun rejoined the marines he'd come with, not meeting anyone's eyes. His muscles were tense, so much so that Chopper swore he could hear a faint creaking coming from the swordsman's skeleton. Zoro and the marines left quickly afterwards.

Chopper would've liked to go after them, but… there were people here who needed him. No life-threatening injuries, but Zoro's attack had left the villagers sliced and battered. And then Sanji… Chopper popped into Heavy Point to better dig through the rubble of the building. Ace joined him after a moment; between the two of them, they quickly retrieved the stunned cook. Sanji's eyes were still spinning as he was extracted from the collapsed building.

Nami looked horrified. Of course, she _expressed_ this horror by cracking Sanji over the head, setting the cook's eyes spinning faster. "What the-? You and Zoro fight all the time! Why'd you let him take you out so easily?!"

"Sorry Nami dear…" Sanji shook his head, trying to clear it. "There- there's something wrong with the shithead, though…" The cook sighed. "Yeah, we fight all the time, and he's a shitty prick of a moss brain. But there are certain things we _don't_ do to each other, and we're still part of the same shitty family. Something's chewing at him _inside_ ; we need to find out what it is."

Sanji started to rise- only to wince and hiss when he tried to push himself up. His left arm wasn't moving right. To Chopper's eye, it looked like something had been twisted, pulled… Maybe even a minor break. He wouldn't know until he examined it. Sanji levered himself up with his other arm, glaring at the injured limb as if it had offended him. "Shit… Feels like the shitty moss-head broke my arm. Salaud…"

"Let me have a look." Chopper grabbed Sanji's arm and began manipulating it gently. Not a through break but he felt a couple minor fractures. The reindeer snorted and opened up his medical bag, rifling through for bandages. The fractures weren't bad enough that he thought Sanji needed a cast or anything, but it should still be bound for a little while, give the bones a little support.

Robin frowned and turned to the blue-haired girl and the old lady. "I don't suppose you two know what's going on? I haven't been with this crew very long, but I know Gospodin Swordsman well enough to know he wouldn't do something like this without reason."

For a few minutes, the girl hesitated. After a nudge from the old lady, she sighed. "My name is Maya, and this is my grandmother Izaya. We're the priestesses who serve this village. Those marines- they serve the man who's _supposed_ to protect this island." Maya sighed again. "Saga- my fiancé… He claimed the cursed sword _Shichiseiken_ after our island was attacked by pirates- or rather, _it_ claimed _him_."

One of the villagers Zoro had knocked around got to his feet with a growl. "Wait- that green-haired bastard was one of _you?_ "

He was immediately cracked over the head by old lady Izaya's walking stick. "They just said he wasn't acting like himself, moron! It's probably the curse of the sword- Saga and _Shichiseiken_ have done something to the poor boy's head. Not that it makes the situation any better…" The old lady trailed off into thought with a grumble.

Maya looked askance at her grandmother. "But… I thought you said someone possessed by the curse couldn't touch the sacred orbs?"

"He didn't touch him though, did he dear? You had them in your satchel."

"Surely you don't believe all this?" Robin waved a hand in a vague gesture. "All this talk of curses and possession… Magic doesn't exist. It's merely a way primitive cultures describe Devil Fruits and similar phenomena- no offense." The archaeologist _did_ look vaguely sheepish at her own words, but Chopper doubted anyone who'd just met her that day would be able to pick up on it.

Nami shook her head in disbelief. "Didn't you and Jones already have _that_ talk? And you _still_ don't believe in magic?"

"I don't know how to explain her _particular_ circumstances," Robin acknowledged. "What I _do_ know is that I've _never_ seen _any_ evidence of other events that fell into the category of _magical_ , neither in person or in anything I've read of history. Curses are rumour and legend, nothing more."

This time it was Izaya's turn to shake her head. "You're a smart girl, Nico Robin. You have to be, to have survived this long. But in some ways, you're quite stupid. Come, let me show you…" Hobbling away with surprising quickness, the old lady motioned for the Straw Hats to follow her. They did, confused; Maya joined them as well, but none of the other villagers dared approach.

X

"Oof!" I bounced off stone with a fit of coughing when Saga threw me down. My senses were clearer now; I could see the dojo where he'd brought me. My chest still burned from the wounds I'd received. It took me a while to get my breath back because of that. My Devil Fruit powers still didn't seem to be working properly- I wondered if that had something to do with the power of the cursed sword.

"Out." Saga gestured towards the door, addressing a few marines who'd been training indoors. Most of them left without question. One, a young boy with a strangely pirate-like smiley face on his cap, hesitated. Ah. He must be Toma.

"Sensei… Who's he?"

" _She_ is a witch from another world. I need to question her." Saga's eyes glowed eerie green in the dark.

"Oh. Okay…" Toma made to leave as Saga turned back towards me. But rather than heading out the door, the boy hid in the shadows by the door. His eyes flickered briefly green and red; Toma pulled his hat lower over his eyes and bit his lip, gaze fixed on me and Saga.

The white-haired swordsman didn't seem to notice. Saga pointed _Shichiseiken_ at me, speaking quietly. "Tell me how to get to your world, witch."

"I don't _know_ how," I snapped. "Why in the Nine Hells do you wanna go there anyway? There's nothing there you'd want." Wracking my brains, I tried to remember what _Shichiseiken_ 's goals were. But nothing was coming up- I don't think Blue bothered including that.

A strange look lit up Saga's face- not an evil grin, but something mad and manic and _hungry_ lit up with lines of glowing green that grew over his skin. "But there _is_ , my dear. You came from that world, so they have people. They have _blood_."

 _Osti d'épais de marde!_ I felt my face go pale. _Merde_ … So _Shichiseiken_ was your stereotypical chaotic evil sentient artifact, eh? No real plan, no goal beyond destruction… I shouldn't have expected anything less from a sword supposedly forged out of bloodshed and regret.

"And I think you _do_ know how you got here," Saga continued. "I just need to give you the right motivation to tell me… Mystic Fire!"

Yeowch! I rolled across the stone floor, trying to put out the flames. It didn't work on magical fire, though; rolling only seemed to allow the sparks to spread across my skin and clothes. Ouch, ouch, ouch! Burning, stinging, _searing_ … On my mind as well as my skin. My thoughts went dark and fuzzy, twisting into a headache. Mind magic… A small portion of the back of my brain began to whisper about how much better things would be if I just told _Shichiseiken_ everything I knew.

But I didn't know anything. Not unless I wanted to spill that this was a story… And I don't think that answer, true as it was, would satisfy the cursed sword. So I grit my teeth and snarled as the magical flames burned themselves out. "I don't _know_ what happened- I just woke up here one day!"

"You're lying. No one lies to me. Mystic Snake Fang Assault!" _Shichiseiken_ morphed into a serpent of blue flames. This time the fangs dug into my side, ripping through muscle and just barely missing a few organs that were _kind of_ important. Hot blood dripped out, spattering onto the floor. I fell to my knees in pain. Over in the shadows by the door, I saw Toma flinch and clap his hands over his mouth.

"I'm not lying!" Tears welled up in my eyes. And really, disregarding the Fourth Wall thing, I _didn't_ know how I'd gotten here. I have no _idea_ how my writer planned to explain it. A warm presence appeared at my back- the arms. One arm wrapped around my shoulders, comforting; the other reached down and pressed against my side, as if trying to staunch the bleeding. There was little an insubstantial hand could do in _that_ way, though.

Saga's manic, glowing expression morphed into a chastising frown. "Now, now, no one just walks from one world to another without knowing. It's not like picking your nose. I think you _do_ know how you got here."

"Ce que tu pense… J'men calice…" I coughed. Invisible arms rubbed soothing circles on my back as I tried to lever myself back to my feet. Saga didn't let me, though.

"Perhaps I'm being too subtle," the red-robed swordsman mused. Cracking me on the head with the pommel of _Shichiseiken_ , Saga knocked me to the floor and stood over me, planting one foot on the base of my spine to keep me from getting up. Delicate flicks of his wrist traced shallow, searing lines into my flesh. They didn't bleed much, but they burned the same way as the sword's Mystic Fire. I bit my lip until it bled, forcing myself to contain the yells of pain boiling up in my chest. I tried to use my powers, tried to call up a Newton's Second to force Saga off of me, but while I could feel the force, it wasn't responding properly to my will.

The invisible hand that had been pressed against my side disappeared for a moment, though the other was still a soothing warmth on my back. When Saga went to make his next cut- a cutting arc across my back- there was a brief flash of blue light and a loud clattering noise. _Shichiseiken_ flew out of Saga's hand, bouncing across the stone floor. The white-haired swordsman kicked me in the ribs, knocking the wind out of me, before stepping aside to retrieve his blade.

"Interesting… I would've thought your powers would be suppressed, with how much of your blood I've taken." Saga licked some of the blood off _Shichiseiken_. Then he made a face. "Your blood tastes strange… I suppose it comes of being from another world."

Around this time, I saw Toma leave. He looked ill, shaken, like he couldn't bear to watch what Saga was doing anymore. I didn't really blame him- if this was half as uncomfortable to watch as it was to experience, I was kind of surprised he hadn't already given his presence away by vomiting or calling out. Then again, I hadn't done either of those yet, so maybe the kid was tougher than I was giving him credit for.

Still would've been better if he'd tried to _help_ , though.

"Mystic Snake Fang Assault!" Yet again, a serpent made of blue fire lashed out. This third bite tore across my lower back. I grit my teeth and curled into a ball. My eyes burned with tears; invisible arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. I was grateful. Even if the arms couldn't do much to lessen the pain, it helped somewhat to know that I wasn't alone. I still wasn't sure who they were… But at the moment, I couldn't muster the brainpower to find out.

Then the fangs of the snake dug deeper into my back, grating against bone and nerves. Not deep enough to do any damage, Perkunas be praised. But enough that, despite the comfort of the invisible arms holding me, I screamed.

" _ **GYAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOUUUUU! NIYHAAAAAAAA!**_ "

X

"ZORO! ZORO! WHERE ARE YOU ZORO?!"

Usopp winced as Luffy filled the forest with the sound of his echoing shouts. Damn, sometimes he forgot how _loud_ the captain could be. Not often, but sometimes. The gunner jogged along behind, along with Johnny and Yosaku, fruitlessly staring around in search of their missing swordsman. Finding Zoro in a forest was _not_ easy- too much green… Usopp sighed. If only they could get to a hilltop or something- if he could get somewhere he could _see_ , maybe he could use his binoculars to spot the white of Zoro's shirt through the trees.

"H-hey Luffy? Can we go up there?" Usopp pointed at a nearby hill. "I might be able to see Zoro if I can find a decent viewpoint."

Luffy paused in his shouting, considering those words. Then he nodded. "Alright, let's go. Stupid Zoro… Why does he get lost so much?"

Usopp shrugged. Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other, communicating something silently. After a moment, the green hunter spoke. "We always thought Big Bro had some sort of curse on him or something… But since coming to the Grand Line and seeing how it screws with weather and navigation and stuff…"

"I think he drank Grand Line water when he was a baby," Johnny continued. "Lots and lots of it. Enough to mess with that DNA stuff Big Sis Jones and Li'l Bro Chopper are always tryna study."

That… didn't sound likely. Usopp would actually take the curse explanation over the Grand Line water. Mostly because even if he didn't know how that DNA stuff worked, he was pretty sure _that_ wasn't it. Of course, his personal bet for Zoro's nonsense of direction was some sort of brain damage. The swordsman certainly got in enough fights that it was a possibility…

Near the top of the hill, the trees opened up to reveal a large stone building. Usopp couldn't help but smile when he saw it- if he could get up on the roof, he could see the whole island. Eager to climb the old, worn stone, the gunner raced forward. He skidded to a halt after a second, though, as he neared the building and noticed all the swordsmen practicing near the entrance. They were all marines, sparring with wooden swords. Usopp froze, automatically looking for a place to hide. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Yosaku placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Remember Bro, we don't have… You know. Marines aren't after us yet."

"Eheh…" Rubbing his nose nervously, Usopp smiled. "Right. I forgot. I mean, we're pirates, so I guess I just thought…" He trailed off uncertainly. Johnny and Yosaku both laughed.

As the pirates approached the doorway, a small teenager in a leopard patterned coat stepped out. He had a sword that was _far_ too long for him, but from the way he walked, he seemed used to it. Luffy cocked his head to the side and waved upon seeing him. "Hey! Have any of you seen Zoro? He's all green and carries three swords!"

The teenager paused, then nodded. His expression was- odd. Grim, a little sad, and kind of ill. When he spoke, his voice was shaky. "Y-yeah. Zoro's a friend of S-Sensei. He went down to the village with B-Bismarck, Boo Kong, and some others to run an errand." Shaking his head as if to clear it, the boy stood there, staring at them.

Usopp felt the hair on the back of his neck rising. This guy was _creepy_. There was something seriously wrong with the kid. But what? The gunner didn't get to think about it for long though; he was drawn back to the present by Luffy bulling forward. "So he'll be back soon? Good. We'll wait here for him. Hey, is your Sensei person here? Could we talk to him?"

The captain made as if to head into the building. Eyes going wide, the teenage swordsman moved to intercept him, arms spread wide. "Um- you shouldn't go in there. Please, just wait outside."

That was… Suspicious. Usopp wasn't about to question a guy with a sword that big though, no matter how strange things seemed. The gunner shrugged and sat down, keeping a wary eye on all the marines around them. Luffy, Johnny, and Yosaku all reluctantly did the same. Not that it lasted very long. They'd barely been waiting for a couple of minutes when the four pirates heard something from inside the building that made their blood run cold.

" _ **GYAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOUUUUU! NIYHAAAAAAAA!**_ "

Usopp covered his ears on reflex, before he'd even registered exactly what the noise was. But even blocking it out, he couldn't get it out of his head. A scream- the scream of a voice that wasn't meant for making such noises. Cracked and broken, it couldn't be identified as male or female. The echoing, piercing sound _terrified_ Usopp- he wanted to run, to hide, before whatever was causing a scream like that came for him too…

But at the same time, he wanted to help. If there was something he could do… No one deserved to be in that much pain. Unable to decide between fight and flight, Usopp looked to his captain for guidance. Luffy's muscles were tense, fists clenched. Dark brown eyes blazed. Glaring at the teenage swordsman, the rubber boy let out a low growl.

"Who's that? What's happening?" He moved forward without waiting for an answer.

The younger boy tried to stop Luffy, eyes wide with fear. Flickers of red and green light flashed across his eyes; he shook his head and twitched, giving him a slightly crazed appearance. "No! Please, just leave it alone! If- if you go in there, Sensei might do it to you too!"

"What?!" Johnny and Yosaku squawked in unison. "Your _Sensei_ 's doing that? _Why?_ To _who?_ "

"I- I don't know…" The teenager shrank in on himself, suddenly seeming very small. "Sensei… H-he's been different since pirates attacked a little while ago. Obsessed with- ergh!" Another flash of green and red flickered across the boy's eyes, longer and brighter than previously. He turned his head and bit his own wrist, hard enough to draw blood; that seemed to make the light die down. "S-Sensei asked Zoro to get something for him. Th-then… When he went out to bathe today, Sensei brought a- a girl back with him. He's in-interrogating her about something…"

Eye's narrowing, Luffy shoved the boy aside and stormed past. Johnny and Yosaku squeaked and followed him, readying their weapons. Usopp moved to follow, but hesitated when he saw the way the boy was looking at everyone. Fear… and shame. So much shame. The boy looked positively _ill_ with guilt and confusion. So Usopp paused before entering the building.

"Hey, um, whoever you are… Are you alright?"

"My name's _Toma_ ," the boy murmured a little bitterly. "I- I joined this dojo to learn about the sword of justice, but… What Sensei's doing right now _isn't_ justice. That girl… She never did anything wrong, but he's _torturing_ her like some criminal. I- I'm scared."

Red and green lights flashed in Toma's eyes yet again, setting him twitching. The boy bit himself again, a second mark just above the first. Usopp winced, unable to help the surge of disgust and confusion that welled up in his chest. And apparently made its way to his face, since Toma flinched and hung his head. "I- It's not just Sensei who's different these days. Most of the other men too… And sometimes my head starts to hurt and go fuzzy, especially when Sensei does something I don't understand."

Usopp really didn't know what to say to that. Placing a hand briefly on Toma's shoulder, the gunner offered the boy a couple bandages to wrap his arm. Then Usopp took off after Luffy, Johnny, and Yosaku. Hopefully they could save whoever was screaming and figure out what was going on here.

It took a moment for Usopp's eyes to adjust to the dimmer lighting after he entered the building. The first thing he saw was his crew mates, their backs stiff, frozen in front of him. Yosaku's mouth was agape, jaw almost touching the floor; tears were streaming from under Johnny's sunglasses. Luffy was so tense he was shaking, eyes fixed on something up ahead. The captain's fists were clenched- _tightly_. A few drops of blood dripped from one of Luffy's hands, where his fingernails were digging into his own palm.

Usopp's gaze migrated further into the room as his eyes adjusted. The first thing he saw was a tall man in red robes, long, shaggy white hair brushing his shoulders. This man held a long sword in one hand, its blade glowing faintly green. There was a dark splatter pattern on the blade where blood was blocking out the luminescence. The swordsman was looking at something on the ground, a small frown on his face. "I'd stop if you'd just tell me what I want, witch."

A weak, watery voice rose from the object of the swordsman's focus. Usopp could barely make out the words being spoken. "Fuck you… I already said- I. _Don't._ _ **Know.**_ " The voice descended into a storm of wet coughing.

And that drew Usopp's gaze to the floor. A small, dark, humanoid shape, trying to crawl away on trembling limbs that gave out after a single movement. Something dripped from the figure's chest and side; there was a dark smear on the floor beneath them. Even if he couldn't see any features in the dim green light, Usopp recognized the silhouette of a distinctive hat.

Jones.

"Funny," the swordsman hissed. "Somehow I don't believe you. Now, I'll keep asking until you tell the truth- _how do I get to your world?_ "

" _Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge!_ I already told you, _I don't know!_ I have no idea how I got here! _Mon tabarnak j'vais te décalisser la yeule, calice!_ " Jones tried to get to her feet- it looked like she was aiming to punch the swordsman in the face. She didn't manage, though; her legs gave out underneath her before she'd taken more than a single step.

"I see you need some more encouragement. Mystic Snake Fang Assault!" The room lit up brightly as the glowing sword turned into a snake made of pale blue fire, lashing out and digging its fangs into Jones. She screamed, confirming that it was her voice that been hear earlier.

" _ **GYAAAAAEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!**_ "

" _ **STOP IT!**_ " Breaking the spell of horror that had held him frozen, Luffy lunged forwards and swung his bloody fist at the swordsman's face. Stepping back, the white-haired man changed his blade back into a sword in order to block the punch. Growling, Luffy stood between Jones and the swordsman. "LEAVE JONES _ALONE!_ "

" _No_." The swordsman swung his blade in a broad arc; Luffy leaned back just enough that the tip went swishing past. "Her world has _blood_ like this one; much more _blood_. Once I've fed on these lands and seas, _her_ home will provide my next feast!"

That was… _alarming_. Usopp's knees turned to jelly at the words. This man was _insane_. Or… Was it the green glow that seemed to flicker from his eyes and beneath his skin? The same glow that lit up the blade of his sword… Either way, there was something seriously _wrong_.

Luffy's already stormy frown deepened. "How'd you know Jones comes from another world anyway? That's supposed to be secret."

"Zoro told me."

Three words- those three words were enough to make Usopp's blood run cold and his legs collapse. The gunner sank to his knees- and he wasn't alone. Johnny and Yosaku leaned heavily on each other. As for Luffy… His _anger_ was nearly tangible. "You're _lying!_ Zoro would never give up his friend's secrets like that!"

"Then maybe he's not really your friend anymore," Saga said with a sinister smile. "Or maybe… Maybe he never was."

"YOU'RE _LYING!_ GUM-GUM GATLING!" Fwap-fwap-fwa-fwa-fwa-fwa-fwap! Luffy launched a barrage of punches at the white-haired swordsman. Each was deflected by the glowing green sword, leaving shallow cuts on the rubber boy's knuckles.

Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku shook themselves out of their stupor. Groping through his duffel bag, the gunner pulled out a handful of his special bullets. "Exploding Star! Rotten Egg Star! Fire Star! Crackling Star!" His shots soared past Luffy's snapping fists. Fire, electricity, and a sulfurous stench exploded along the length of that glowing sword. It didn't seem to bother the wielder much, though, nor did it damage the blade.

"Acid Rain Jet 75!"

"Base Drops Jet 75!"

Twin bullets of liquid shot from Yosaku and Johnny's gun tanks to strike against the mad swordsman's chest. Unlike fists or bullets, he couldn't block liquid; trying only led to him spraying the acid and base solutions all over himself. It ate holes in his clothes and burned great patches of his skin-patches which immediately glowed green and healed over. The hunters paled at that.

"Shit! Bro-?"

"Nope, I didn't expect that either."

Manic cackling tore free of the swordsman's throat like some twisted creature. He quickly got himself under control- but that only made him _creepier_ , as he turned to the pirates and addressed them in a completely calm, almost pleasant voice. " _Shichiseiken_ hungers for your blood."

"Wha-?"

"Mystic Thunder!" A blast of green light and its accompanying shockwave knocked everyone in the room flying back- everyone except the swordsman who was its source.

Luffy was the first one back on his feet. He flung his arms back, then snapped them forwards into the mad swordsman's chest. "GUM-GUM BAZOOKA!" The strike actually landed, slamming into the white-haired man hard enough that it sent him flying out the door. A long cut opened up on each of Luffy's hands from where he'd hit the blade of the sword.

"Johnny, Yosaku, get Jones out of here! Usopp, back me up! We're kicking that bastard's ass for what he did to Jones and what he said about Zoro!" Without waiting for an answer, Luffy bolted out the door.

"S-sure!" Usopp squeaked and took off after his captain. Behind him, Johnny and Yosaku moved to pick up a trembling, bloody Jones.

In the few seconds it took for Usopp to get outside, Luffy and the white-haired swordsman had already managed to create a small crater in front of the dojo. Assorted marines stood around in a circle, just… looking on. There was something _off_ about them- like they were zombies, brainless. The only one who seemed to have anything in his head was Toma; the boy was curled at the base of a wall, knees pulled up to his chest, his face a mask of guilt.

"GUM-GUM WHIP! GUM-GUM BULLET!" Luffy swung a leg through the swordsman's legs, then launched a heavy punch at his chest. The white-haired man dodged both, tutting.

"Oh dear… I'm ashamed to think of you as Zoro's companions. I'd have thought anyone he deigned to travel with would be _strong_."

Usopp hesitated. He _wanted_ to help- Luffy looked like he needed it, and this _asshole_ had been hurting Jones. But… True warriors didn't interfere in each other's fights. The gunner's hands shook from a combination of fear and helplessness. Then, as Luffy flipped over the swordsman's head and fired a Gum-Gum Spear downwards, the rubber captain looked over at Usopp.

"What're you waiting for?! He hurt Jones! _Tortured_ her! Screw fighting fair!"

"Ah! Right! Aye-aye Captain!" Usopp saluted like a marine and rushed around to get a better vantage point for shooting. As he ran, he pulled a few bullets out of his bag. "Triple Exploding Star! Pepper Star! Exploding Cactus Star!"

"Gum-Gum Stamp! Gum-Gum Battle Axe!"

Kicks, explosions, needles, spices… None of it seemed to have any effect on the glowing swordsman. He dodged most, and even what he couldn't dodge, any wounds were immediately healed by more of the eerie green light. Tracing a great circle around him with his sword, the madman unleashed his magic yet again. "Mystic Thunder!"

This time, with no walls to hold them in, Luffy and Usopp were thrown much farther. So far, in fact, that they went over the edge of a cliff abutting one side of the dojo. Luffy stretched out an arm, aiming to grab the building and haul himself back, but a great curved wall of green fire rose up and burned the rubber boy's hand. "Mystic Raiment!"

Without enough time for Luffy to try again, the two pirates fell. Usopp felt his stomach drop out of him, making its way down to prepare for the inglorious landing that was sure to come. Jamming his slingshot into his belt, the gunner began digging through his duffel bag. He had to have _something_ in here that would help… Where was that thing he'd been working on since the race? He was sure he'd packed it. Ah, there it was.

"Usopp Parachute!" Patchy, colourful cloth opened up above Usopp as he activated the device. He felt his fall instantly begin to slow- although not nearly as much as he would've liked. Those trees were still coming up _far_ too quickly, and Usopp couldn't control the way he was spinning as he plummeted.

Not far away, Luffy prepared his own defense against the upward rush of the ground, inflating himself into a great rubber ball. "Gum-Gum Balloon!"

Seconds later, two loud sounds echoed from the base of the cliff. The first was the crunch and boing of a rubber ball bouncing in a pile of leaves as Luffy landed. Seconds later, Usopp's descent was halted with a series of crashes and a heavy thud. The gunner bounced down through the trees and landed heavily on his side with a groan as pain shot up his leg. "Oww… Okay, I think that needs to be about 20% larger. I'll fix it when we get back to the ship."

Luffy glanced over, brushing himself clean of leaves and mud. "You okay Usopp?"

"Yeah… A little banged up, but I'm alright."

"Good." Luffy nodded and glared up at the top of the cliff. "We've gotta find a way back up there. I _really_ wanna kick that guy's ass. _No one_ does that to my family." The rubber captain growled in frustration. "I'm still not _strong enough_ though…"

Usopp winced at the guilt and anger in Luffy's voice. Hesitant, the gunner reached out and placed a hand on his captain's shoulder. "You can always ask Jones when we get back to the ship. It's not spoilers to ask for training ideas, is it? I mean, she already got Sabo to tell us all about that Haki stuff."

"Yeah…" Luffy nodded. The captain started walking, prompting Usopp to follow. "Can't do _that_ yet, though. You?"

Shaking his head, Usopp folded his parachute and jammed it back into his bag. "Not yet. I don't think _anyone's_ had any success with it yet. Maybe it'd help if we got Ace to show us too?"

Luffy opened his mouth to reply, but didn't get the chance. Before he could say a word, the ground opened up under their feet, dropping both pirates into a rocky hole. Usopp screamed in spite of himself, hugging his duffel bag tightly; Luffy held his hat on with a determined frown as they plunged into the abyss.

X

The sun had set by the time Zoro and the marines returned to the dojo. Unable to see clearly in the dark, the Straw Hat bosun tripped over the edge of a small crater on his way into the building. Huh. That was strange. Zoro caught himself on the doorframe and took a moment to glare down at the unexpected pit. He was _sure_ that hadn't been there when he left. Then again, trees and buildings and everything moved around on him all the time, so he shouldn't be _too_ surprised that the ground had developed a random hole.

But there were other odd things going on too. The Toma kid who seemed to idolize Saga earlier was sullen and quiet, running forms in a corner and not looking at anyone. He had a grim, nauseous expression on his face. And then there was that brand-new smear of blood on the floor… Zoro couldn't actually tell from looking at it what the dark liquid was, but the _smell_ was unmistakeable. It looked like someone had been beaten and cut open, then dragged across the floor. The smear ended in a random spot on the floor, as if the beaten person had been lifted up and carried away.

Deciding to ignore the bold smear- this was a sword dojo, so it could've been a training accident- Zoro approached Saga and held out the bag he'd taken from the priestess. Three pink stones clinked together inside. "Here. I got them. I hope you're happy; I had to fight _my own crewmates_ to get the stuff." Which still left a bad taste in Zoro's mouth. He squashed down the urge to snarl at his old friend.

Saga flinched away, as if being close to the orbs hurt him. Or maybe it was something about the tone of Zoro's voice. "Thank you, Zoro. I'm sorry I had to put you through that, but it was necessary- none of my men can hold the sacred orbs. Could you please just… Toss them down the well out back? My men and I will rest much easier once those things are underground."

This was getting odder and odder. Frowning, Zoro reached down and patted _Sandai Kitetsu_ with one hand. The cursed katana vibrated slightly; Zoro had never felt it do that before, but he was fairly certain what it meant. There was another cursed sword in the area- probably Saga's. Zoro wondered if _that_ had anything to do with all the odd occurrences.

But… He still owed Saga. Shaking his head, Zoro headed out to the well Saga had indicated and tossed the bag with the orbs down. It was a long, _long_ time before he heard a splash- that well must be as deep as the height of the whole hill, right up from sea level. Maybe even deeper.

What was the story here? Zoro spent a while gazing into the well, trying to put the pieces together. But… He didn't have them all, did he? All he knew was that Saga had a cursed sword, and for some reason wanted those orbs gone. There was something missing… But Zoro didn't even know where to start finding the missing pieces.

Something thudded back inside the dojo, followed by the sound of Boo Kong's booming shout. "Sensei! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine… Don't worry…" Saga's voice shook slightly.

That was another thing. Saga seemed ill. It wasn't just that his crippled arm was bothering him- his voice, and even his good hand, shook occasionally, and one of the marines had mentioned frequent collapses and moments of confusion. Zoro wished he could bring Chopper up here to check his old friend out, but… After what had happened down at the village, that probably wouldn't be the best plan.

And that was another thing… Zoro _hated_ being at odds with his crew like that. Even attacking the shit cook that way… True, Saga hadn't known that was a possibility, but Zoro still resented being put in that position. He just- he owed Saga so much. A life debt like that took a long time to pay off.

Hopefully his crew would forgive him.

X

Groaning, Ghin hauled himself to his feet. It took a few minutes for his eyes to stop spinning. Once they had, he took stock of his surroundings. Tonfa flung not too far from him, lying on the stone. A couple trees looked to have been blasted over by those last couple attacks. Geier was already up, standing protectively over the unconscious form of Drifter. Every once in a while, the vulture glanced over at the broken remains of her machine gun and let out a whistling cry. Off in the opposite direction, Ruatha was just rising, the dragon's white scales stained red from lying on Lisa's wounded shoulder.

 _Lisa_. Ghin scrambled over to the little girl's side, heart jumping to his throat. She was still there, and still breathing. _Good_. The rigger pulled bandages out of his pockets and quickly wrapped the little painter's wounds. She would probably be alright… But he should get her to Chopper anyway. Just in case.

Ghin retrieved his tonfa before hefting Lisa onto his back. He handled the girl as carefully as he knew how, as if she was made of eggshells… Lisa was toughening up, sure, but slowly. She didn't do much combat training, although she was perfectly happy to join in with speed and endurance training. Well, if she could run and use her paints, Ghin supposed that was enough for now. Lisa was young; there was plenty of time to train her yet. And until then, the rest of the crew could look after her.

"Giin?" Ruatha cocked his head to the side curiously. "Fos mu dreh?"

"Come on little guy- let's go find the others." Ghin glanced over at Geier. "Can you carry the river dog? And maybe fly overhead and tell me where the others are? We need to get Lisa to Chopper."

"Sreeeeeeeeeeee!" The vulture fluffed her wings and bobbed her head. It took her a minute to scoop Drifter up onto her back. By the time she'd succeeded, the otter was already starting to wake up. A few seconds later, when she took to the sky, Drifter was almost back to full health. The little mustelid was mighty pissed off, though, tucking his chin into his jacket as Geier took to the sky.

 _I'm going to_ fry _that fire-happy squabby hoser!_ No one _cooks my mates!_

Ghin headed downhill with Ruatha at his side, doing his best not to jostle Lisa. Hopefully Drifter and Geier could find the rest of the crew soon- Ghin didn't feel like trudging all over the island looking for people with the little girl on his back. What if they got attacked again? Ruatha wasn't much good in a fight without Jones giving him orders, and Geier's gun was gone… And _shit_ , they needed to get Jones back! That asshole with the flaming sword must've taken her.

The group was almost all the way down the hill when Geier swooped lower and Drifter held up a sign. _We found them! Village off to your left!_

Ghin broke into a light jog once he knew which direction to head in. He would've liked to _run_ , but he was worried that if he did, he would jostle Lisa and make her injuries worse. Ruatha hopped and fluttered beside him, occasionally bounding ahead. The little dragon always came back though, whining and hissing. His tail lashed constantly.

They had almost arrived at the village by the time Lisa woke up. The little girl groaned and shook her head. "Owwie…"

"Don't worry," Ghin assured her, "I've almost got you to Chopper."

"I'm not _worried_ ," Lisa pouted, poking Ghin's cheek. "I _know_ Choppy can fix me. It _hurts_ , though." The little painter wasn't crying, but her eyes were a little watery.

When they entered the village proper, Ghin immediately looked around for Chopper. He found the little reindeer in the middle of town, passing out bandages and burn salve to a bunch of lightly battered villagers. Not far away, Sanji was cooking stew in a great pot that sat on Ace's lap. The freckled pirate looked totally unamused as he sat on a rock, his lower body in flames. Further on still, Robin was examining a bunch of pictures on stone while an old woman told her a story. A younger woman with blue hair sat with Nami, head in her hands. "Oh Saga… What do I _do_?"

Nami rubbed the girl's shoulders. "Don't worry Maya. We'll figure something out."

Ghin marched over and set Lisa down beside Chopper. The little doctor squeaked when he saw the crude bandaging on Lisa's shoulder. "Aaaiieee! What happened?!" Chopper got to work before anyone answered, undoing the bandages and putting some sort of disinfectant on Lisa's shoulder before he started stitching the wound up.

He also tossed a pot of some sort of salve at Ghin. The rigger began quietly tending to Ruatha, Drifter, and Geier. While the vulture snapped and hissed, barely tolerating being touched, the otter and the dragon loved it. Both started purring as Ghin rubbed the salve into their wounds. Then, without being asked, Drifter grabbed the pot of salve and began tending the rigger's wounds with his tiny paws.

"There's some asshole with a magic sword up in the hills," Ghin informed the others with a grunt. "Cleaned our clocks. Now Lisa's safe, I'm heading back up there. Asshole's got Jones."

Sanji scowled. "Any idea what he's planning to do to her?"

"No. Just said that he wanted her cause Zoro told him about her being a witch." Ghin froze when he realized what that might mean. Could the swordsman have-?

"Shitty Moss-Brain better not have told this asshole where Jones comes from…" Sanji muttered, apparently coming to the same conclusion.

The blue-haired girl- Maya- let out a strangled whine. "Oh Saga… What have you done…?" She looked up at the gathered Straw Hats with watery eyes. "I'm so sorry everyone…"

Robin and the old woman approached from their spot by the stones. The archaeologist was shaking her head. "I'm still not sure I believe you. It just sounds too fantastic to be true."

"I've told you the whole story." The old woman shrugged. "What more can I do? And you read the stones yourself."

Ghin glanced up at the dark-haired woman. He still didn't know whether they could trust Robin or not. Luffy and Jones seemed to, but they weren't always the brightest… Or, well, Luffy wasn't the brightest, and Jones had the common sense of a turkey in a rainstorm. Still… "Does this story you're talking about have anything to do with a magical sword, or why the man holding that magical sword would want to kidnap a witch?"

"I- I suppose it does." Robin paled even further. "You… Gospodin Rigger, do you mean you encountered the sword? And it's _truly_ magical? Not some trick?"

Ghin shrugged. "It shot fire and wind, and turned into a snake on command. Don't think there's a Devil Fruit that allows for all of those at once."

"No, I can't think of one either," Robin sighed. "Very well. I'm not sure it will help at all, but I can tell you what the stones had to say about that sword…"

X

 _Once upon a time, the three princes of Asuka Island beheld a beautiful priestess on the day of the red moon, and all fell in love with her. To make her notice their grace, the three brought forth the_ Seven-Star Sword _, the royal family's symbol, and all fought for it. The battle spread throughout the entire kingdom, and the blood of the victims soon covered the land and sea. The sword, absorbing the blood and hatred of so many, became cursed, causing massacre and destruction, destroying the Kingdom of Asuka._

 _The sword spread wars as blood begot blood, until the entire region was engulfed in war, and the sea became a world ruled by darkness. However, the very same priestess that had caused the conflict to start took all the hate that was stored in_ Shichiseiken _, and sacrificed her own life. The princes, now grieving over their loss, vowed to atone for their sins. Then, they were presented with three orbs by the Gods of Asuka's Seven Stars, which sealed the cursed sword's powers._

 _However, once every one hundred years,_ Shichiseiken _gains enough power to break its seal, when the red moon shines and the Gods are forced to sleep._

X

Maya nodded miserably at the end of the story. "That's what I was doing down by the lake, when I first saw you," she explained. "Purifying the sacred orbs. There's a ceremony that must be performed once every century by the high priestess. It keeps the power of _Shichiseiken_ sealed away, so the sword lies dormant rather than feasting upon blood. But- But that green-haired man stole them, so I can't perform the ceremony."

"Now that he's possessed by _Shichiseiken_ ," the old lady at Robin's side clarified, "Saga can't touch the sacred orbs- they are anathema to him. So he had to have someone else take them for him."

Sanji growled. "But why would the shitty moss-brain help someone like that? I thought he was supposed to be sensitive to luck and curses and stuff… Isn't that one shitty sword he carries cursed too? Could _that_ be doing something to him?"

"No…" Maya shook her head. " _Shichiseiken_ doesn't work well with others."

"Then it must be something between Zoro and Saga himself," Nami decided, snapping her _Clima-Tact_ together, she tapped it on the ground. "Hmm… If this Saga person's so desperate to hide the orbs, that must mean the red moon's supposed to rise soon, right?"

"Tomorrow night…" Maya said quietly. "And without the orbs to light the three towers…" She let out a choked noise and buried her face in her hands.

One of the other villagers spoke up, scowling and rubbing his bruised arm. "Saga used to be an alright guy. A bit sleepy and distant, when he first showed up, but after Maya nursed him back to health… He and his buddies promised to protect the island, training something they call 'the sword of justice.' But there were too few of them. A year ago, we were attacked by pirates. _Overrun_. Saga took up the forbidden sword and saved us, but he's been changing ever since. Going _mad_. But no one here has the skills to subdue him or his marine friends."

"So he's not an evil man," Robin mused.

Maya shook her head violently. "Not at _all_. Before _Shichiseiken_ took hold of his mind, Saga was so sweet. So kind…" The priestess sighed. "I'm so sorry, everyone. I should've prevented this…"

The old lady rubbed Maya's shoulder. "Dear… There's nothing you could've done."

X

Luffy looked around the cave he'd landed in, dimly lit by a shaft of light coming down from above. He spotted his gunner not far away, lying half-buried in a bunch of fallen dirt. Bounding over, Luffy pulled his friend out. "Hey! You alright Usopp?"

"Yeah…" Usopp shook his head to clear it, his spinning eyes resuming a normal appearance. He looked up at the hole they'd fallen through. "Can- can you rocket us outta here?"

Staring upwards, Luffy tried to decide. The edges of the hole were all crumbly… Not a good spot to grip. "Nope. If I try, I'll just bring all the dirt down on top of us. We'll have to get out somewhere else."

Not wanting to wait, Luffy immediately took off down a nearby tunnel. He needed to get _out_ of here, needed to _kick that swordsman's ass_ for what he did to Jones. Luffy clenched his fists as he ran, wincing as that caused his fingernails to dig into the wounds on his hands. He was so _sick_ of Jones getting hurt like that. And not just her… While Yosaku's explosion injuries had healed, the green hunter had a _lot_ of scars that would never fully go away. Every time he saw them, Luffy felt _so bad_ about not having been there to help.

He was the _captain_. He was supposed to be able to _protect_ people.

Usopp scrambled after Luffy, barely able to keep up. "Hey! Wait! Do you even know where we're going?!"

"No. But we're gonna find our way out _anyway_." Oh look, a lever. Maybe it opened a door that would led back to the surface. Luffy pulled the lever experimentally. At first, nothing happened. Then there was a low rumbling noise from behind one of the cave walls. A door opened up alright, but it didn't lead to the surface. No, all it led to was a small room with a large boulder in it- a boulder that began a slow, ominous roll downhill towards them as soon as the door was out of the way.

The boulder picked up speed quickly. Luffy watched for a second as it came towards them, trying to decide if he and Usopp could squeeze past. Nope, didn't look like it.

Usopp clearly thought the same thing. Grabbing Luffy's shoulder, the gunner shook his captain. "Oi! Don't just stand there! We've gotta either get out of here or bust that thing up!"

"Yeah, okay. Gum-Gum Pistol!" A single punch was all it took to shatter the stone. Gravel and dust rained on the teenage pirates, setting them coughing.

It was hard to see in the tunnels as they got further from the shaft where they'd fallen in. Luffy squinted in the dim light, groping along mostly by feel. It made for frustratingly slow going. The young captain growled. "Usopp… D'you have a torch or something?"

"Sorry, no." The gunner shook his head. "I've got some flammable ammo, but using it's probably not the best idea. We might light ourselves on fire instead of just getting light."

"Aww…" Well that sucked. With no light available, Luffy continued to grope his way forwards as the cave crew dimmer and dimmer. Soon he couldn't even see his own hands when he waved them in front of his face.

It was weirdly quiet in the caves too. The only sounds were their own footsteps and breathing, and the occasional drip of water off the walls. Luffy didn't like the quiet- it felt lonely. _Dead_. He was glad he had Usopp with him; if he'd had to endure that sort of quiet by himself, he wasn't sure he could handle it. Luffy _hated_ being alone.

Behind the rubber boy, Usopp cleared his throat nervously. "Umm… Luffy? Do you- do you think Zoro _really_ left the crew? And told that crazy guy about Jones being from another world?"

" _No,_ " Luffy said, a little more forcefully than he meant to. "Zoro _wouldn't_ do that. He's our _friend_ ; that asshole was _lying_ to make us _mad_." Because not everyone could think when they were mad, so the crazy guy was trying to trick them into doing dumb stuff. Right? Zoro wouldn't… Luffy stomped angrily on the doubt he was suddenly feeling. Stupid magic crazy man, making him doubt his friends.

A lever sticking out of the rocks slammed into Luffy's shins as he made his way along. Being rubber, he didn't mind much. Hmm… Maybe _this_ one would open a door out of here. Luffy yanked on the lever and waited, squinting desperately in the hope of seeing a shaft of light open up. No such luck. Instead, there was a low rumbling noise from overhead.

"EEEEEEYAAAAAAARGH!" Usopp screamed and tackled Luffy from behind, knocking the captain forward as the tunnel roof caved in where they'd been standing. The teenage pirates rolled to a halt against a stalagmite, coughing as the air was filled with dust and dirt. A rubbery smack echoed through the caves as the gunner hit his captain over the head.

"Are you insane?! Quit pulling levers before you get us killed!"

"But what if one of them's a door?" Luffy shot back. "We _need_ to get outta here- I've gotta kick that guy's ass for what he did to Jones!"

"You can't kick his ass if you're dead!"

"We're not gonna die!" Dusting dirt off his vest- he couldn't see, but he could _feel_ it- Luffy marched off down the tunnel. Usopp squawked and scrambled after him.

Neither spoke for a long while. Luffy growled internally- he didn't _like_ arguing with his friends. And… Usopp wasn't made of rubber like him, so he guessed it made sense that the gunner was afraid of being crushed. Sighing, the captain turned to apologize- oddly enough, at the same moment his crew mate did.

"I'm so-!"

"Sorry Lu-!"

 _CLICK._

Something shifted audibly under Luffy's foot. He and Usopp both froze, staring around in the dark. At first there was nothing, no sign of any doors or danger. Then a narrow shaft of light opened up somewhere ahead. Letting out a whoop, Luffy took off towards it, Usopp hot on his heels. It wasn't until they got closer that they noticed a grinding noise coming from the ceiling, and the fact that what appeared to be a thick stone wall was lowering with surprising speed. _Crap_. Luffy grabbed Usopp and flung the gunner forwards, sending him rolling under the descending stone. Then the captain slid through himself. By then it was so low he had to skid by on his back. A stray stone knocked Luffy's hat off his head; he reached back and grabbed it, snapping his arm back just before the wall met the floor with a loud _crunch_ of finality.

Usopp panted, glaring at the wall that prevented them going back. "That was-!"

"Sorry," Luffy told his friend, "I didn't see that." At any other time, Luffy _wouldn't_ have apologized- all these traps were interesting, and kinda fun- but… He was still upset about Jones, and he didn't want another of his friends getting hurt. _Especially_ not if it was his fault.

The shaft of light was still there, despite the trap having come down- a small opening just above Luffy's head, large enough for a man to crawl through. Shooting each other a quick look, he and Usopp didn't even need to talk. This was what they were looking for, after all. The rubber boy led the way, jumping up and crawling out onto… a narrow ledge on the side of a cliff.

"Well, that sucks," Luffy pouted. Usopp nodded in agreement. Below them, a small river rushed through a narrow canyon; on the other side, an ancient tower pushed up from between the trees. It was very pretty, and definitely the sort of thing Robin would like, since she seemed to love history so much. But it wasn't what they were looking for. Usopp glanced over at Luffy.

"Back in, then?"

"Eeyup."

Back underground, they soon left the light behind again, leaving Luffy suddenly appreciative of an aspect of his Devil Fruit he'd never considered before. Namely, that stubbed toes no longer hurt. Oh, he'd always been aware of the fact that blunt impacts as a whole no longer bothered him, but he'd never realized that _stubbed toes_ were part of that. Luffy had just assumed he was a lot less clumsy than he had been when he was little, that he didn't _get_ stubbed toes anymore. He couldn't remember having one since before he'd left Makino's house- although he did remember how much they'd _hurt_ when he was little. He used to _hate_ them. But now, in the dark, Luffy was fully aware of all the things he was bashing his toes on, and how little it hurt compared to what he remembered.

Devil Fruits were awesome.

Just as he had that thought, Luffy bashed his toes yet again. Tripping over one of many, _many_ rocks he couldn't see, the rubber boy flew forwards. He caught himself on a… something. It felt like wood rather than stone, but it wasn't positioned properly to be another lever. It _did_ move when Luffy's weight crashed into it, though. A loud creak echoed through the blackness, accompanied by the sound of Usopp hitting the dirt with a groan.

In hindsight, Luffy should've done the same. Less than a second after his crew mate dropped to the ground, a large metal pendulum swung through the tunnel, striking Luffy full in the chest and slamming him into the ceiling. And while it didn't _hurt_ , prying himself free was difficult. Particularly his one leg; it had somehow got caught between two stalactites.

For a while after that, the floor descended in a gentle slope. When it levelled out, the teenage pirates found themselves wading through knee-deep water. Fresh water, at least. And even if it had been salt, Luffy wouldn't have let that get him down- he could see a _light_ up ahead!

"Wooh-aww, _crap_." Dashing out the watery door, Luffy found himself standing in a shallow bay off one of the islands many lakes. On the shore nearby was a ruined tower, leaning slightly; no landmarks that would help guide them back to the dojo were remotely visible. The rubber boy slumped.

Usopp placed a hand on his captain's shoulder, gesturing back into the tunnels with a jerky motion. "Umm… Third time's the charm, right?"

"Yeah!" These tunnels couldn't go on forever! Eventually they'd find a way out.

The next half hour or so of scrambling around in the dark passed more or less uneventfully. No traps, no lights… Luffy was more than once tempted to see if he could just punch a hole through the ceiling, but that would be a _bad_ idea. Whether he succeeded or not, he'd bring down _tonnes_ of rubble on himself and Usopp. He didn't want to do that.

A section of floor sank beneath Luffy's foot with an audible click. Oh no, not again. This time the trap was a rapidly closing stamp of some sort that rushed in from the side, slamming Luffy into the opposite wall. It just _barely_ missed getting Usopp too; the gunner flinched back as stone brushed past the tip of his nose.

"Who _builds_ a place like this?" Usopp demanded in exasperation. Luffy shook his head as he peeled himself free of the wall, forgetting for a moment that his friend couldn't see him.

"I dunno. It'd be kinda fun, though, if we weren't in a hurry. Maybe we can come back later?"

"Denied!" Usopp folded his arms so aggressively Luffy could feel it, wind brushing against his back.

Not too long after, they saw a third shaft of light. This one was smaller than the others, a narrower opening- but Luffy and Usopp were fairly small, so they checked it out all the same. One short, angular, exceedingly _narrow_ crawl later, the boys climbed out between two boulders right beside… Yet another old, ruined tower. This island must be a historian's paradise. Once more, there were no landmarks to be seen that would guide them back to the dojo- or even the _Going Merry_. Luffy sighed as he looked down the unfriendly cliffs that surrounded them. Not fun climbs… Back into the tunnels they went.

"This is taking _forever_ ," the rubber boy groaned, clutching at his hat. "I wanna kick that crazy sword guy's ass!"

Groping his way forward, Luffy wished he had a light. Or a walking stick… Something. If he'd had his old pipe, he could've used it to poke around ahead of him, maybe trip on things less… Actually… For the first time, Luffy found himself wondering why he'd stopped using his pipe when Ace left. Sure, he didn't usually _need_ it, but sometimes it'd be useful- Sabo's had been when they fought Crocodile.

"I should get a new pipe," Luffy mused. Behind him, Usopp squawked.

"Pipe?! You used to smoke?"

"No. For fighting. Like Sabo." Saying his brother's name sent a brief rush of warmth through Luffy's chest. He was just so _happy_ that Sabo survived.

Stumbling, the rubber boy placed a hand on the wall to steady himself. Damn, this darkness was such a pain. Stone shifted under Luffy's fingers, startling him into stepping back into Usopp. For a moment, nothing happened. Then… _Fwip! Fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwi-fwip!_

Stinging pain appeared across Luffy's body in sharp bursts. At first he wasn't sure what it was, since he couldn't see and the first few strikes just grazed his cheeks and chest. But then a few more lasting wounds appeared as the things embedded themselves in his arms and legs. Arrows. Luffy fell to the ground and covered his face. It was one thing to fight through a storm of arrows when he could see where they were coming from and kick the archer's ass, but when he couldn't… First priority was to protect anything important, like his eyes and heart- even he knew that much. The arrows had to stop eventually.

Behind him, Luffy heard scrambling feet as Usopp did… _something_. Hopefully got out of range, or found a stalagmite to hide behind. As arrows pinged off stone around him, Luffy wondered if this would help at all with that Haki training Sabo had described. Dodging traps in the dark was _kind of_ like hitting each other while blindfolded.

A lot less fun though. Hitting each other while blindfolded- and better yet, _watching_ everyone hit each other while blindfolded- was _funny_.

It took several long minutes, but eventually the arrows _did_ stop. Listening carefully, Luffy couldn't hear any movement from up ahead. Definitely one of the traps, then, not a hidden archer. He wondered if this would've been easier if he'd brought Johnny or Yosaku with him, and sent Usopp to help Jones. Nah, probably not. They probably couldn't disarm traps they couldn't see. Rising stiffly, Luffy carefully pulled out the arrows that had embedded themselves in his limbs, wincing at each one. That _hurt_.

"You okay Usopp?"

"Y-yeah…" The gunner's voice was shaky. "I managed to avoid them all. It was… weird. Like, I was so focused on hearing them that I forgot I couldn't see for a minute."

"Cool!" Despite his desire to get out of there and kick the crazy swordsman's ass as soon as possible, Luffy found himself bouncing with excitement. "D'you think it's that Haki stuff?"

"Probably not. I'm just used to listening to the wind and stuff when I shoot, compensating for it; my hearing probably took over, since I can't see. Um… That said, can I try leading? You're setting off _way_ too many traps."

"Okay." Pressing himself to the side of the cave, Luffy let Usopp edge past. The gunner groped past, but paused with his hand on the captain's arm. Rough calluses stung raw flesh; Usopp was touching an open wound.

"Sticky… Is that blood?"

"Yeah. A few of the arrows got me." Luffy had counted seven when he pulled them out, although he'd been grazed by more. He gripped the ones that had hit him tightly, snapping their shafts.

"You gonna be okay? I can try to bandage them now, but it'll be easier if we can get some light."

"Nah, it's fine. I can wait 'til we're outside. They're not bleeding much, so it's fine." Luffy smiled at his friend, before remembering Usopp couldn't see him. That thought made the rubber boy pout.

They edged forward once more, and for a while they made good time. Usopp _did_ seem to be better at creeping around in the dark than Luffy was, his hearing and delicate touch allowing them to avoid a few more traps- at least two, from the levers the captain brushed against without activating. Maybe more that he couldn't feel. But eventually, inevitably, Usopp screwed up too. A drop of cold water fell down the back of the gunner's neck- Luffy heard the plop- and Usopp jumped in the air.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! What was that?!"

At the top of his leap, Usopp hit something on the _ceiling_ \- why would anyone put a trap trigger up there? Were they expecting to be robbed by tall people? A second later, the floor was sloping downwards and tiny stone marbles were falling on them from three sides. The perfectly polished balls made climbing back up impossible; Luffy and Usopp were forced down, deeper underground. They collapsed in a heap atop a pile of stone marbles, more raining down atop them.

The trap door closed above them with a booming _**THUD**_.

"Oww…" Usopp groaned as Luffy dug them out of the heap of marbles. There was a faint rustling noise; Luffy would've bet anything Usopp was rubbing either his nose or the back of his head sheepishly. "Dammit… Guess I'm not much better than you after all."

Luffy didn't answer. He was too focused on a patch of faint, pink light up ahead, glowing from inside a deep puddle. Or maybe a small pond; the body of water looked larger and larger as he got closer and was able to take a better look. Crouching down on the edge, he saw three fist-sized pink stones, perfectly round, sitting at the bottom of the pool. They were very pretty… Kinda sparkly and see-through, like gemstones. But Luffy didn't know any pink gemstones.

"Oi! Don't touch that!" Usopp yelped as Luffy reached into the pool. "What if it's another trap?"

"It's not." Luffy couldn't be sure how he knew that, though. There was just something so… _innocent_ about the stones. Loving. He fished them out of the pool and tucked them into his vest. He'd show Nami and Jones later; they seemed to know stuff about rocks. Maybe one of them could tell him what the pretty balls were.

Usopp cringed- and with the balls hidden in his vest, it took a minute for Luffy to figure out how there was still enough light for him to see his friend. Looking up, the rubber boy saw a long, narrow shaft that opened up to the stars. Unfortunately, it was too narrow for him to Rocket up, even if the mouth was sturdy enough to grip. Dammit… But maybe- there was some old grating sticking out around the bottom of the shaft; maybe he could use that to climb?

Stretching up, Luffy grabbed one of the bits of grating to pull himself to the ceiling. As soon as he rested his weight on it, though, the bit of broken metal gave way. Not as if he was pulling it out of the rock, or it was snapping off partway… No, it swung in Luffy's hand like a well-oiled _lever_.

Oops.

Releasing the sneaky hidden lever, Luffy dropped to the ground- landing in knee-deep water with a splash. The pool he'd taken the pink balls from was bubbling, more water rushing up from somewhere beneath and making the pool spread. Wider, deeper… Something rumbled in a side tunnel as the water rose up to meet it. And then…

 _ **WHOOSH!**_

The water gushed back at tremendous speeds, hitting Luffy and Usopp full in the face. The blast was strong enough to knock both boys off their feet, and with the rapidly rising water levels, they were soon adrift in the caves.

In no time at all, what little light the stars provided was beyond reach. Luffy couldn't see, could barely hear or feel anything besides the rush of cold water. Plucked along like a leaf in a stream, the rubber boy bounced off stone walls as the water flowed around him. Fresh… But even if it didn't paralyze him the way salt would have, Luffy didn't know how to swim. He closed his eyes and clung to his hat, holding his breath as hard as he could. The young captain's heart sped up as he realized he wasn't sure where, in this raging river, Usopp was. He hoped his friend would be alright…

X

The sky was getting dark. I grit my teeth as I hobbled along, leaning on Yosaku. Or, well, he was practically dragging me by this point. Johnny walked slightly ahead of us, watching constantly to see if we were being followed, his sword and spray gun both ready to fight.

"You alright, Big Sis?" Yosaku asked, catching me as I tripped over a root. I growled and elbowed him in the ribs, too sore to put any real force into it. He smiled bitterly. "I'll take that as an 'I'll live'."

"Gyargh…" was my somewhat bubbly reply. Talking hurt… Breathing hurt, with the way Saga had been tearing at my chest and back. We'd stopped a little while ago to bind my wounds, so I didn't bleed out and any pursuers would have a harder time tracking us. That said, everything still _burned_.

Meanwhile, the three of us were lost in the middle of the forest, with night rapidly approaching. We'd seen no sign of the _Merry_ , or of any of our crew members. I glanced up at the stars and sighed, wishing I knew which ones indicated the cardinal points. Something I'd been proud to learn back home, but I'd let fall by the wayside in this world… Little skills like that would've been just as useful as fighting and Devil Fruits.

"River up ahead," Johnny reported, peering between the trees. "Should we stop for a break, Bro?"

Yosaku nodded. "Yeah… We could all use a drink, and Big Sis is heavier than she looks."

"Sorry…" I leaned away with the intent of giving the green hunter some relief- and promptly fell over, barely managing to catch myself against a tree. Yosaku grabbed me and pulled me over to the river Johnny had found, shaking his head.

"Don't apologize Big Sis. It's fine." Then the green hunter smacked his palm against his hitai-ate. "And I'm an idiot. Half that weight's your weights, isn't it? Shoulda got Johnny to carry those…"

"Aye…" I glanced sheepishly at the lumpy training weights still strapped around my wrists and ankles. "Sorry."

Both hunters snickered.

The river water was icy cold- or maybe I was just thirsty and sticky enough that it felt that way- and tasted slightly of fish and milfoil. Yum. Once I'd had a drink, I did my best to clean off some of the blood coating the visible patches of my skin. I rocked back and forth on the bank of the river, a little woozy from pain and blood loss.

"Nami's gonna kill me," I eventually moaned, playing with the tattered edges of the great holes Saga had torn in my shirt. Johnny and Yosaku snickered again; apparently my status as destroyer of shirts amused them. I splashed the hunters with a frustrated groan.

Crunch. Crunch. _Crunch_.

Branches snapped under creeping feet. Someone _had_ been following us. Standing fairly quickly, I swayed for a moment as movement and pain threatened to knock me over. I drew my sais-Johnny and Yosaku had both their swords and their spray guns at the ready.

A few minutes later, Toma stepped out of the trees. The boy looked nervous, jumpy; he was carrying what looked like a first-aid kit. When he saw our weapons, Toma jumped. He nearly dropped the box he was carrying. One hand rose above his head.

"Ah! I- I come in peace! Don't shoot!"

I looked at his eyes. Warm, light brown; no hint of glowing green or red. He was still himself. Weirdly, there were a couple of fresh bite marks on one of his arms. _Human_ bite marks. I wondered where he'd gotten them, and why he hadn't bandaged them up yet.

"Who the Hell're you?! What're you doing here?!" Johnny and Yosaku pointed their dadao at Toma's neck.

The young swordsman hung his head in shame. "I- I saw what Sensei did to the witch. I couldn't bring myself to help then, but… Everyone's eating right now, so I came to see if I could do anything to help now… I- I'm sorry. So, so sorry…"

"You- you just _watched?_ " Yosaku growled. "What kind of man _are_ you?"

"Selfish coward!" Johnny's sword started to- _crackle with electricity?_ _**COOL!**_ When did they do _that?_ "Your _sensei_ _**tortured**_ Big Sis!"

Toma flinched. "I know! I- I'm sorry, but there was nothing I could do! Sensei- he's not usually like this. He's usually so kind and patient… And he and Maya-dono are _adorable_ together. Please believe me- I don't know _what's_ come over him the last few months! I joined his dojo to master the sword of justice- to _help_ people!"

Sword of jus-? I frowned, lowering my sais. "What path of justice do you follow? Moral? Absolute?"

"Naniiiii?" Toma cocked his head to the side in confusion.

Johnny and Yosaku turned to stare at me in disbelief. "Big Sis… This guy's sensei _tortured_ you! Why aren't you pissed off?"

Because it wasn't Toma's fault and I was still used to thinking of myself as pretty low on the totem pole of priority. "Yes, Toma just watched while Saga was torturing me. But it wasn't his fault and really, it was the best thing he could've done. Saga's currently possessed by a high-level chaotic evil artifact; if he'd known Toma was in the room, he either would've tortured Toma beside me, or forced him to help." I may not know this movie, but I _did_ know evil magic.

While Johnny and Yosaku were processing that, I looked back to Toma. "So… What kind of justice?"

"W-what do you mean? What's the difference?" Toma fiddled with the chain that hung around his neck. Funny; from Blue's fic, I'd've thought this guy was a cocky little brat. Then again, I suppose watching the man you admire torture a young woman can strip away a pretty big piece of youthful arrogance.

"Justice- the word is defined simply as 'fair behaviour or treatment.' Usually, though, it refers to punishing those who've done wrong." I stared at Toma, unblinking. "Everyone has their own kind, appending adjectives to describe how they see and mete out justice. Many marines adhere to absolute justice, the opinion that everyone who has even the slightest thing to do with crime- even being a criminal's son- should be punished most severely. Some follow unclear justice- the letter of the law, no more, no less. And some follow moral justice, where _right_ and _wrong_ are more important than _good_ and _evil_."

"Oh…" Toma's gaze turned inward. He tapped his fingers on the first-aid kit he was carrying… Then curled in on himself. "I- I don't know. I never thought about it."

Exhausted and sore, I leaned against a tree. "Well, that's something you need to think about. And I'd think _hard_ if I were you. If it helps, though, I can tell you what I think."

Nodding, Toma looked at me expectantly. I closed my eyes, thinking back to one of my favourite video games. A quote from _Tales of Vesperia_ would be far more impressive than anything I could come up with myself. "I think there are some things that you have to do, even if they're a crime. Someone has to do them, even if it means taking the blame."

Then, because my traitor mouth always has to ruin the moment, I continued. "And… Just one other thing. I don't know you, but… Your coat may say 'marine,' but that smiley on your hat- that says 'pirate.' Think about that, too, while you're meditating on justice."

Toma's immediate reaction was to drop the first-aid kit and remove his cap, staring at the smiling face doodled there in black pen. "Pirate-?"

Johnny and Yosaku, finally unfroze. "Big Sis…" the blue hunter asked slowly, "Are you tryna recruit this kid?"

"No." I shook my head. "Just… trying to make him feel better after what he saw. Guess I'm not doing a very good job of it, though."

"You're trying to make me- you're the one who got tortured!" For a moment it looked like Toma was considering hitting me the way Luffy would've. " _I_ should be trying to make _you_ feel better! That's why I _snuck out here!_ "

Yosaku blinked. "Huh. No, Big Sis, I think you did a pretty good job. He seems pretty cheered up to me."

Blink. _Blink_. Toma stared at us. "You- _this_ is your idea of cheering people up? You pirates are _nuts!_ "

Suddenly, without warning, Toma flinched and covered his eyes. There was a faint green glow from behind his hand; it lasted about thirty seconds before fading away. Toma kept his eyes covered for a little longer, rocking back and forth in place. "It sees… I can't let it in, won't let it in… But it still _sees_."

Jumping to his feet, Toma spun so he was no longer facing me and the hunters. "I- I have to go. Before it finds me."

The young swordsman took off into the forest. He left the first-aid kit behind in his flight, crashing through the trees like a charging rhino. Seriously, for someone so small- Toma was even shorter than me- he made a lot of noise. But it was more than the disproportionately loud noise that made me frown at his retreating back.

Because… If Toma said he didn't know what had gotten into Saga when it was clearly the possessed sword, what did he _think_ was trying to break into his head?

Toma was well out of sight by the time Johnny sheathed his sword and bent to pick up the first-aid kit. The blue hunter looked hesitantly from the white metal box to my wounds. "Big Sis…"

"I'm fine; save it." I bit back a groan as I straightened, which sent pain singing through my chest and back. "We might need it later. Let's get moving… Find the others…"

"Aye-aye Quartermaster." Both hunters flashed a joking salute; I responded with a skyward motion of my right hand, middle finger extended. That just made them laugh, although laughter quickly turned to concern when overstretching my wounded chest made me curl in on myself with a hiss of pain. Yosaku was immediately at my side, ready to support me as we continued our trek through the darkening forest.

Hopefully, wherever the others were, they were alright. If my orders had sent anyone into a trap while Luffy was gone… I bit my lip, forcing back worry. It didn't go very far, though.

X

Zoro yawned. He hadn't slept well that night. The barracks in Saga's dojo were crowded, warm, and noisy with snoring men- a far cry from the cozy quarters of the _Going Merry_. And sure, Usopp snored sometimes, but on nights that was a problem, Zoro could always climb up top and settle down in the crow's nest, or go to the kitchen to grab some booze for an hour until the gunner quieted down. Stifling a second yawn, the Straw Hat bosun thought longingly of the gentle swaying of the ship. Some nights, it almost seemed like _Merry_ was rocking the crew to sleep… It was comforting.

Ah, well, it wouldn't be much longer. Tomorrow night he'd be back on board. Zoro eyed Saga from the corner of his eye. There was something… _off_ about his old friend. Or maybe… Maybe it was just his injury. Zoro flinched at the thought.

 _My fault. If I hadn't cut that mast… If I'd found a way to get him out when he got stuck…_ Memories of an explosion played in front of the swordsman's eyes, a ship wreathed in flame. And older memories too- learning swordsmanship side by side, fighting bullies in a back alley, a promise to be the strongest and fight for justice…

"Everything alright, Senpai?" Toma asked dully, breaking Zoro out of his thoughts. Looking down at the young swordsman, the Straw Hat bosun frowned. At first he'd thought Toma idolized Saga, but since he'd come back to the village yesterday, the boy had been quiet and withdrawn, actively avoiding his sensei. And then last night- last night, Toma had disappeared for over an hour during dinner. No one else seemed to have noticed, though. Zoro wondered if something had happened to the boy.

Bismarck and Boo Kong stood behind Saga like great statues as Zoro's old friend prepared to address the gathered marines of his dojo. The pair made Saga look small and frail, especially with his white hair and crippled arm. But Zoro knew- even handicapped as he was, Saga could take both of the larger men easily. The red-robed swordsman smiled at his men; the smile contained no warmth.

"Good morning all. The awaited time has almost arrived. Tonight. Tonight, the plan will be complete- we shall undo the ancient spell and obtain the insurmountable power that is our right!"

Dozens of men cheered, but there was something strange and hollow about it. Zoro would take a rowdy Straw Hat party any day. And their eyes glowed eerie green. He was no doctor, but Zoro was pretty sure eyeball glows weren't usually that colour. He'd seen gold, red, and white before, but never green.

Grinning darkly, Saga continued. "You all came here to learn the sword of justice. Well then, let me tell you the secret of justice- _power_. Laws, order… These things don't matter. Even the _gods_ don't matter. All that matters is strength and will- and _we?_ We shall be the _strongest_."

And then? Then Zoro's heart nearly stopped. Because Saga, frowning in concentration, _moved his crippled arm_ and used it to draw his sword. He thrust the blade skywards in a rapid, powerful motion. "This is _Shichiseiken_ , the Seven-Star Sword. With its power, we shall cut the path to true justice and take our rightful places as judge, jury, and executioner to this flawed world!"

There was a deafening chorus of roaring, whooping cheers from the gathered marines. Zoro frowned, one hand unconsciously going to rest on the hilts of his swords. That- that didn't sound like the Saga he knew. At _all_. More like that marine asshole back in Shells Town- the captain with the axe arm. What was going on? Had his injury really changed Saga that much?

The only person besides Zoro who wasn't cheering was Toma. Slumped over, hands in his pockets, bags under his eyes… The boy looked half-dead. Or maybe like he wanted to die. Every once in a while he would shake his head and close his eyes- usually just as they started to take on the greenish glow that had infected most of the marines.

And… Those bandages on Toma's arm- those hadn't been there yesterday. Zoro frowned. What was _going on_ with this dojo? Was- Saga's sword was cursed, but was the curse really _that_ strong?

Smiling, Saga turned to head off into the forest. He paused and rested a hand on Zoro's shoulder before leaving the training yard. "Thank you, old friend. Thanks to your help, my dream will soon be realized. Tonight, when the red moon rises, I'll finally be able to break free from the shackles of this world."

Not sure what to say, Zoro responded with an affirmative grunt. Saga patted his shoulder and continued on his way, off to train or meditate or something- Zoro really didn't know how or where his old friend spent most of his days. Hanging back, the Straw Hat bosun waited until everyone was going about their business before wandering over to check on Toma.

"You alright kid? You're kinda quiet. What happened to Saga being so cool, and wanting to be just like him?"

The boy jumped, staring at Zoro with suspicion. After a moment, though, he relaxed. Sort of. His murmuring to himself still made him seem tense and crazy. "It doesn't have him yet… He's safe… But what if someone's listening?"

Toma looked around, making sure no one was nearby before he answered Zoro's question. "I- Sensei's not who he used to be. I'm scared… But I don't know what to do. It _knows_ I'm resisting- it wants to get me too. He- It made him torture her. I was too scared to help, too scared to watch…"

Zoro frowned. What was _it?_ What made Saga torture someone? And… "Who did Saga torture?"

Twitching, the boy shook his head and rubbed his eyes on the back of his hands. "I don't- I don't know. Never caught her name. Sensei called her a witch, and the swordsmen in colourful trench coats called her Big Sis. She screamed… So much blood. But- She knew I was there, but she wasn't angry. She tried to make _me_ feel better, even if _she_ was the one all torn up."

Zoro's stomach sank. Only one girl he knew would qualify as Big Sis to a couple guys in colourful coats, and worry about a random teenager rather than her own wounds. Saga had gone after _Jones_. But… Why? Was- was it his fault? Had he said something to draw Saga's attention to the world-walker?

Well… He _had_ told the owner of an apparently very powerful cursed sword that Jones was a witch and came from another world, so Zoro figured the answer was probably yes.

"Shit…" The blood rushed away from Zoro's face. _What had he done?_ The curse- it must be stronger than _Sandai Kitetsu_ 's. Jones… And the orbs. Zoro was willing to bet those orbs had something to do with whatever Saga had been saying about the red moon and power. And… Was it even Saga anymore, at this point? Or was the sword speaking through him? Had Zoro been played for a fool by a cursed blade?

How could he- Zoro shook his head. It was too late to fix most of it. How did he stop it from going any further? And atone for what had already happened? Placing a hand on Toma's shoulder, Zoro shook the boy- Toma appeared to have gone catatonic, mumbling nonsense under his breath and clawing at his own arm. "Snap out of it. I need to ask you something."

"Hai Senpai?" Toma froze with his hand covering his eyes. Green flashed briefly between his fingers.

"Two things; they're important. One… Did Jones- the woman who got tortured- seem to know you without being told? Anything, even just your name?"

Toma thought for a moment, then nodded slowly. Zoro felt some small measure of relief; so Jones knew what was going on here, or at least some of it. "And two… Which way did she and the guys in colourful coats go?"

"I- I don't know. Didn't let myself see. It watches through our eyes sometimes, even those of us it can't control. I- I might be the last one. Boo Kong… About a month ago, it got him too."

"What is _it?_ " Zoro frowned. Toma flinched.

"I- I don't know. A voice in my head… For the last year. Always whispering. At first I thought it was just me, but then the others… It took them one by one, controlled them. Didn't seem to care too much at first that it couldn't have me, but yesterday… It wants me too. I won't let it, but… It's hard to hold on." The boy looked up at Zoro, eyes wide with fear. "Do- Do you think it has Sensei too? That it's why he hasn't been acting like himself?"

"I don't know, but we'll find out." Zoro scowled at the ground. If he didn't know where his crew mates were, that meant he just had to solve this himself. Well… If the source of the issue was that cursed sword, he just had to break it, right? And if it wasn't… If it wasn't, he'd figure something else out later.

Now he just needed to find Saga.

X

The Straw Hats sat in a circle, eating breakfast as the sun rose. Nami stifled a yawn; beside her, Lisa _did_ yawn. The sailing master reached over and patted the young painter's head. "Didn't sleep well?"

"No…" Lisa picked at her porridge, stirring in enough sugar that Nami felt mildly nauseous. "I dreamt about that sword- the _Shichiseiken_. It turned into a giant snake and ate the world… We tried to escape to Jones' home, but it followed us."

Oh dear… Nami wrapped an arm around Lisa's shoulders. She was about to give the girl a reassuring squeeze, but remembered at the last moment that doing so would aggravate Lisa's wounds. "It'll be okay. We won't let that happen; there has to be a way to seal _Shichiseiken_ even without those orb things."

"There- there is." Maya's voice behind her made Nami jump- the priestess hadn't made a sound while approaching. Turning, the sailing master saw that Maya was clutching a heavy holy book to her chest. Her grandmother was beside her, one hand on her shoulder. Both looked grim.

Robin glanced up from her own book with a sad, sympathetic expression. Of course; anything to do with history or archaeology, the archaeologist probably new about it, whether she believed in magic or no.

Maya bit her lip, trembling. She couldn't meet anyone's eyes. "I… Um… I'm a direct descendant of the priestess who first sacrificed her life to save the world from _Shichiseiken_ 's bloodlust. If- There's a second ceremony detailed. In the absence of the orbs, a full-blooded priestess who's strong in magic can sacrifice herself to seal the blade again."

Nami knew Sanji well enough by now to pre-emptively flinch at his voice. He always shrieked a little when ladies were threatened. It was kind of painful.

"What?! That can't be right! No civilized religion requires the sacrifice of a beautiful young woman! It's utterly barbaric!" The cook waves a spoon at elderly Izaya, chastising. "You shouldn't let her believe such things- it's cruel."

"I'm not _letting her believe_ she needs to sacrifice herself," Izaya snapped. "And though what the book says is true, I'm not letting my granddaughter die. I'm neither cruel, stupid, nor senile."

Drifter held up a sign. _So there's a third way?_

"Not exactly," Izaya grumbled under her breath, "Smartass hairball. But Maya's powers are greater than those of any other priestess in our family. _Far_ greater- extraordinary, even. If she goes through with the beginning of the ritual, the strength of her prayers should be enough to seal _Shichiseiken_ even without blood."

Maya looked away. Her hands were shaking. "I- I don't think it will work. But even if it doesn't, I can always continue and do- do it the proper way."

No one said anything for several long minutes. Sanji in particular looked anguished. Ghin scowled, face stormy. Lisa bit her lip; Geier let out a quiet keen. Robin looked grim. Ruatha's wings drooped as the dragon wandered over to wind himself around Maya, trying to comfort her. Nami felt her own hands begin to shake.

She couldn't begin to imagine how Maya was feeling right now; at least when she'd tried to protect Cocoyashi, it wasn't her life Nami had to give.

Ace had been trembling since the moment Maya mentioned sacrificing her life. His gaze was turned inwards, deep in thought- or memory. When Ghin reached out and placed his hand on the freckled pirate's shoulder, Ace flinched and pulled away. One flaming arm came up as if to knock the rigger away; Ace froze at the last moment and shook his head, dropping his hand to his side.

No one said a word as they finished eating. Drifter cleaned up quickly, washing the dishes and stacking them in a freestanding cupboard beside the village well. There was no need to put them away- the wooden bowls and mugs were public village property that were kept for workers and guests. Wanderers' bowls, Izaya had called them the night before.

Sanji sighed heavily once everything was done. "If- If you're sure about this, darling Maya, we will of course do anything in our power to help you."

"Speak for yourself, Shit Cook," Ghin growled. "I'm going out to find Jones. Whatever that crazy swordsman wanted her for, it can't be good."

Spiral eyebrows snapped down towards angry blue eyes. "You don't even know where to start looking! And besides, the fate of the world rests on Maya's ritual!"

"And I'm _sick_ of my little sisters getting beat up, tortured, and almost killed! And she was taken _by_ that Saga guy- if we kick his ass while getting her back, won't that stop him?"

"It's not that easy!" Izaya snapped, whacking Ghin over the head with her walking stick. "Beating Saga won't remove the curse- he's merely a pawn, not a necessary piece. Even after you've defeated him and reclaimed your comrade, _Shichiseiken_ will still be released to feast on the blood of the world."

Ghin looked like he was about to protest, so Nami snapped her _Clima-Tact_ together and pointed it at the rigger. Her hands shook. She didn't like having to be the one to make this decision, but with Luffy and Zoro gone… "Ghin… I know you don't like it. I don't either; none of us do. Watching friends and family get hurt… But if we don't save the world first, we might not be _able_ to get Jones back. She…" Nami winced. "It's not the first time Jones has gotten her ass handed to her. She'll tough it out long enough for us to break the curse."

For a moment, the rigger didn't react. Then, still not saying a word, he turned and slammed his fist into the nearest wall. Stone cracked under the force of the blow; more worrying, though, was the sickening bony crunch that accompanied the crack. When Ghin pulled his hand back, his knuckles mangled and bloody. Chopper squeaked in distress and bounded over.

"Why did you do that?" the reindeer asked reproachfully as he tended Ghin's hand. The rigger growled.

"My sister is being taken. _Again_. I couldn't save Tippy… I _won't_ lose another. I can't- can't fail again."

Chopper hummed a consoling noise. As soon as he was done tending Ghin's hand, the little doctor hugged the rigger's leg tightly. Lisa soon joined him, arms wrapping around the man's waist from the other side. Eyes closed, breathing heavy, Ghin reached down to pat both of them on the head.

Maya approached hesitantly, resting a hand on one trembling, grey-glad shoulder. "I- I know it won't make what happens to her in the meantime any better, but… You won't lose your sister. Once- once the curse is sealed and Saga is himself again, it should be fairly easy to get her back."

Ghin nodded, but he still looked broken. "I was _right there_ though. I should've been able to protect her. But I _didn't_."

Nami winced at the pain in her crewmate's voice. Ghin never talked about what had happened to this Tippy girl who was so important to him, but she was starting to get a picture. It wasn't pretty. They had to push through though- like Nami had so many times in the past while working for Arlong. "Then we need to get going as soon as possible. The faster we seal this curse, the faster we can rescue Jones and find the others."

Grumbling something unintelligible, Ghin nodded. Shortly thereafter, the Straw Hats moved out as a unit. Maya and Izaya walked at the center of the formation; Nami and Robin took the lead with the aid of an old map the priestesses had provided, and Ace brought up the rear. Sanji and Ghin were arrayed to either side, with Lisa and Chopper still hugging the rigger tight as they walked. Drifter and Geier soared overhead, while Ruatha tromped along beside Sanji.

The dragon looked just as pissed off as Ghin- although it was hard to tell, since he didn't speak English. Still, every once in a while Ruatha would let out a low growl, sniffing the air as if trying to locate his mother. "Monah…"

"We'll get her back," Sanji assured the reptile, running a hand through the dragon's coarse mane. "We've just gotta save the world from that shitty curse first."

They had been walking for several hours- indeed, it was nearing noon- when the ground shook. Izaya stiffened in shock and struggled to keep her balance, while Maya clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle a startled whine. Everyone else just braced themselves as the stone beneath their feet _rumbled_ and _vibrated_ like a giant purring cat.

It took ten minutes for the quake to die down. Nami traced the map with a frown, comparing it to her own notes about nearby parts of the Grand Line. "Odd… There's no fault line nearby."

Maya shivered and clutched tighter to her holy book. "It- it must be a sign that _Shichiseiken_ is soon to wake. We have to hurry!"

Before anyone could take more than a few steps, though, the ground shook again. This time the vibrations were powerful enough that they would've knocked Lisa off her feet if she hadn't been clinging to Ghin. Chopper popped into Walk Point for more stability. As well as the rumbling there was an ominous bubbling noise from somewhere beneath their feet.

But… That couldn't be right. The map didn't show any sign of a geyser in the area either. Just solid bedrock and old ruins…

Nami's faith in the accuracy of the old map was immediately blown to bits as a fountain of water erupted from the ground practically under Ace's feet. The freckled pirate jumped back in alarm. Cold water gushed nearly forty feet into the air, spraying everyone in the vicinity with icy drops. Soaked, Geier was forced to land in a nearby tree. And then two dark, sopping shapes fell from the sky.

The shapes quickly resolved themselves into people. Sanji caught the first one and immediately dropped it on its ass; Ace caught the second and began hugging the life out of the half-drowned figure- also somehow managing to deliver a punishing noogie while doing so.

"These arms are only for holding ladies! Merde! Fall on somebody else next time, Shitty Longnose!"

"Lu! You shouldn't go running off like that on an unknown island! There's a cursed sword that's taken some of your crewmates- what if it got you too?"

Nami couldn't help but giggle at the two vastly different reactions- or at the responses Usopp and Luffy had to them. The gunner jumped to his feet, rubbing his aching tailbone and gesticulating wildly. The captain, meanwhile, looked like a wet kitten as he tried to free himself from his brother's embrace.

"Oi! We're crewmates! That means we're supposed to help each other! So don't go dropping me on my ass just 'cause I'm not a girl, 'specially when I'm more delicate than they are!"

"Ah! Ace, lemme go! I know 'bout the curse already- I'm tryna find the crazy magic swordsman so I can kick his ass!"

Maya and Izaya stared as the freckled pirate reluctantly released his younger brother. The blue-haired priestess cleared her throat. "Um… Who are these people?"

Nami smiled. "A couple of our missing crewmates- Usopp, our master gunner, and Luffy, dumbass extraordinaire."

"Oi!" Luffy scowled, wiping his hair out of his eyes and blowing water out of his nose. "That's _captain_ dumbass."

Ace facepalmed. "Missing the point, Lu."

Marching over to her captain, Nami poked him in the forehead. "Well then, _Captain_ Dumbass, where the Hell were you two? And what happened to Johnny and Yosaku?"

"I sent them to get Jones out while I dist- disa- fought the crazy swordsman guy who had her." Luffy scowled, looking around as if he expected to see Saga on top of one of the nearby hills. "I _think_ they got her, but the asshole knocked me'n Usopp off a cliff, so I didn't really see."

Nodding frantically, the gunner cut in before anyone else could say anything. "And then we fell into a big hole! We've been wandering around underground all night- up until that geyser caught us, anyway! I thought we were gonna drown!"

Drifter bopped Usopp over the head with a sign. _Don't be such a baby. It could be worse._

Ghin glanced at Luffy, one hand buried in the thick fur of Chopper's neck. "Is- was Jones alright?"

The rubber boy's face darkened. "No… Not really. The crazy swordsman was torturing her. He knew she was from another world- said Zoro told him. But Zoro wouldn't…" Luffy clenched his fists, fingernails biting into palms that were already red and raw. A couple drops of blood fell to the ground.

Sanji huffed, lighting a cigarette. "I don't think we can really say what the shitty moss-brain will do. He attacked darling Maya's village, stole some sacred artifacts, broke my arm. Curse probably got him too."

"Not possible!" Izaya swung her walking stick aggressively. "The green-haired boy was able to touch the sacred orbs, which means he was untainted by _Shichiseiken_ 's power."

"Actually, he didn't touch them…" Maya murmured. "He took the bag I was carrying them in."

"Still too close. Their aura would've at least caused him pain if he was possessed."

Robin hummed. "Is it possible that Gospodin Swordsman and the man who carries the cursed sword have a history together? Something from _before_ the latter became possessed?"

No one answered for a few long minutes. Nami frowned. Zoro… Didn't actually talk much about his past. He'd told everyone about his friend Kuina who'd died, but other than that...

"Saga _did_ come from a different island," Maya eventually offered. "He doesn't talk much about where he lived before…"

Robin nodded thoughtfully. "So it's possible he's holding something over Gospodin Swordsman- guilt, a debt, and old friendship. I wonder… When he and the marines came to the village, Gospodin Swordsman was carrying a fourth blade- a tanto, I believe. It was shoved through his haramaki, across the small of his back. That could provide a clue as to the hold the cursed swordsman has over him."

Luffy shrugged. "Does it matter? This Saga guy- he tortured Jones and made Zoro do his dirty work. I'm gonna kick his ass and _break_ that stupid sword."

Izaya cracked the young captain over the head with her walking stick. "Idiot! That's impossible! _Shichiseiken_ is a magical artifact- you won't even be able to scratch it!"

"You can't know that until I at least try!"

Maya pushed in between the pair. "Please… Grandmother, Captain, fighting won't help. We'll continue on as we were; I'll head to the central temple and begin the ritual. If the captain feels like fighting Saga as a distraction, he is welcome. Just please," here the young priestess turned to face Luffy alone, "Don't kill him. Saga's a good man. He saved me… I'd gladly give my life to return the favour."

Luffy froze, confused. Sanji explained. "Since the shitty moss-ball stole the sacred orbs, the ritual to seal the shitty curse and save everyone from the shitty sword has a high chance of killing darling Maya. I still don't think it's a good plan…"

"It's the _only_ plan," Maya reminded the cook gently. Sanji huffed and blew a few smoke rings, plunging his hands into his pockets. "Saga was cursed because he took up the sword to protect me, waking _Shichiseiken_. I owe him my life, and since we've lost the sacred orbs, it's a price I'll gladly pay."

"Orbs?" Luffy asked. "Can't we just get them back after I kick the crazy guy's ass?"

"It wouldn't work," Robin informed the captain gently. "The ritual has to be performed before midnight tonight- you might not have time to look for the orbs after fighting the cursed swordsman."

Usopp looked thoughtful. "Sacred orbs…? What do they look like? Are they pink, about the size of an apple, kinda shiny and translucent?"

"Huh? Oh, yes." Maya shot the gunner a confused look. "How did you know?"

"Show her what you found in the tunnels, Luffy."

"Ne? Oh, you mean the pretty rocks." Reaching into his vest, Luffy pulled out three large, flawless pink gemstones. Nami felt her eyes light up against her will.

Rose quartz… She'd never seen such perfect spheres, so large. It wasn't the most valuable of gemstones, but worked like that, it would still fetch a pretty penny. The sailing master shook her head; she shouldn't be thinking like that right now. A bad habit from her days raising money for Arlong…

Maya gasped at the sight of the stones. "Where-? You said you found those in the tunnels?"

Usopp and Luffy nodded in unison as the gunner explained. "Yeah. Along with three ancient temples and _way_ too many traps. We nearly died!"

Running her fingers over the smooth surfaces of the orbs, Maya had tears of relief in her eyes. "We- we can perform the proper ritual after all. Those temples you saw, we just have to take the orbs there. I'll get to see Saga again…"

Nami frowned. If Luffy and Usopp had found the orbs in the tunnels… How could they be sure Saga and the cursed sword didn't have a contingency plan for this? "It's too risky to go wandering all over the island, though. Saga… He'll probably send those marines of his to cover all the temples."

Maya drooped with realization, her hand falling to her side as she lowered her head. Almost immediately, though, Luffy reached out a finger to raise the priestess' chin. Ever so gently, he forced her to look at him.

"Hey… It'll be okay. We're tough, and Nami'n Robin are smart. We'll figure something out. Don't give up just yet. You love this Saga guy, right?"

Nodding, Maya reached up to rub her teary eyes. A small smile crossed Luffy's face. "Then trust him and trust us. We'll kick that cursed sword's ass so hard the guy who made it's gonna feel it!"

"Could we avoid Saga's forces if we went through the tunnels?" Lisa wanted to know. The little painter was still hugging Ghin tightly with her good arm.

 _Actually_ , Drifter offered, _I have an even better idea. The old temples- were they open to the sky?_

"Yeah…" Usopp nodded. "The tunnels lead there, then open out. They're regular buildings, just… older."

 _Then the answer is simple. He who is in possession of air superiority wins a battle; Geier and I will fly the orbs to the temples while the rest of you engage the enemy on the ground. They can't take the orbs back if they can't reach us, and none of them can intercept us either._

Geier preened as everyone read the sign, then let out a shrieking cry. She flared her wings and shot a pointed stare at the orbs. Personally, Nami thought this was a great idea. It looked like Ghin had some concerns though.

"What if any of them try to shoot you? You can't fight back at range; not since Saga broke Geier's gun."

"Screeeeeeeee!" Geier raised one foot of the branch where she was perched, making a swiping, grabbing motion. Sunlight flashed of sharp talons. The message was clear- gun or no gun, the vulture was ready for action.

Old lady Izaya slowly looked around at the pirates. "You- you really think you can do this? It's a sound plan, I agree, maybe the best we have, but do you think we can succeed?"

"Of course!" Sanji spat his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out. "Anything to make sure darling Maya doesn't have to give her life!"

Luffy nodded firmly. "Yeah. We can do this. If we're together, _nothing_ can beat us."

"Very well. If you're sure…" Izaya hobbled over and began pointing out locations on Nami's map. "These are the ancient towers of Komon, Tonroh, and Hagun. Once the orbs are in place, a barrier is formed that prevents _Shichiseiken_ from drawing power from the Seven Stars of Asuka."

"And that seals it?" Robin asked. Izaya shook her head.

"A proper sealing is a bit more complicated. There's a special ritual Maya needs to perform on the central temple- right there, Pikarya." The old woman pointed out yet another location. "Theoretically, it would be also possible to end the curse completely during this time, but no one has ever discovered how."

"Obviously," Ghin muttered, "Otherwise there wouldn't be a curse anymore."

The old woman shot him a dirty look, but said nothing. Nami was inclined to agree with the rigger; the fact that Saga was possessed made it _kind of_ obvious no one had broken the curse yet.

Luffy nodded. "Then that's what we'll do. Drifter and Geier can deliver the orbs; the rest of us will spread out and fight the bad guys and protect Maya. Try to find Zoro, Johnny, Yosaku, and Jones too."

Huge dark wings spread wide; Geier swooped down and grabbed the orbs in her talons. A quick fold and flip, then the vulture was rolling over Nami's head- a motion that allowed Drifter to snatch the sailing master's map. Growling, Nami shook her fist at the duo as they flew away. "You better not lose or damage that, got it? I need it for my atlas!"

Drifter's response was to hold up a sign over his shoulder. There were no words on it- just a heart, a smiley face, and a very well drawn hand with its middle finger extended.

Shaking her head, Nami turned to her crewmates. "Alright… I'm sure you all know the drill by now. It looks like we're getting close to the final showdown, so everyone pair up and move out. Priorities- defend Maya, find Jones, kick marine ass."

Luffy nodded. "And if you see Zoro… Tell him I need to talk to him. There's a _reason_ we don't tell anyone where Jones comes from. I don't know what it is, but there's a reason."

X

Delivering the orbs to the towers was… Rather anticlimactic. While there were certainly large numbers of marines combing the forests and lakes, none of them bothered to look up. Drifter shook his head. Humans… Most of them weren't really that bright.

{{I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay! I sleep all night and I work all day!}}

Geier rolled her eyes as she landed at the top of the first tower. {{Must you sing that song? You're not a beaver.}}

{{Yeah, well… I'm bored and I don't know any good otter songs.}} Leaping down off his partner's back, Drifter grabbed one of the orbs and settled it into an indentation that seemed to have been made for the purpose. {{Besides, I'm closer to being a beaver than the snakes who wrote it were.}}

{{True, I suppose.}} Geier flexed her wings and shook her head. {{I never did understand how pythons could sing about being a lumberjack; they don't even have legs.}}

Nodding, Drifter paused to adjust his Stetson. {{So… Two more of these to go. What should we do after? I really don't think this'll take long.}}

His partner chuffed with laughter. {{We could always find a river and test your dam building skills.}}

"REEEEEEEEEEEE!" Drifter let out an indignant squawk, his tail fluffing up. {{That's not funny!}} he admonished. {{I'm an otter, not a beaver! We're nothing alike!}}

{{Fur-wearers who spend most of your time in the water; you seem a lot alike to me.}}

{{Nope! Nothing! Not at all! Those stuck up, buck tooth hosers wouldn't know how to have a good time if it slapped them in the face with one of their own tails!}} Scowling, Drifter jumped on Geier's back. {{Let's just get this over with.}}

The vulture bobbed her head, laughing as she took off. {{Of course. And then- maybe we can ask the locals if they know anything about _him?_ }}

Drifter didn't think it likely- _he_ had no use for such a poor backwater island in _his_ business. But there was always a chance _he_ had been blown off course, or needed to stop to resupply. Tiny, needle-like teeth bared in a grin. {{Naturally.}}

A gentle breeze toyed with Drifter's Stetson and the edges of the map as the pair flew. The otter held on tight to make sure neither was blown away. Asuka Island was beautiful from above… He loved flying. His ground-bound kin missed out on _so much_ , not having bird partners. Sometimes Drifter wished he'd been born a bird, instead of a mammal.

 _Sometimes_.

Yes, later they would ask around in the village, see if _he_ had been on the island. Once the danger of a world-eating catastrophe was past, that was an excellent idea. But until then… {{I cut down trees. I wear high heels, suspendies, and a bra! I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!}}

{{YOU ARE NOT A BEAVER!}} Geier rolled, nearly dislodging Drifter from her back. {{Although… Do you have something you need to tell me?}}

{{No… I just like that song, is all.}} Releasing his grip on his partner, the otter flung himself into free-fall. He still kept a firm hold on his hat and the map, though.

Geier rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh before diving. She came up beneath Drifter in a well-practiced maneuver, catching him in the center of her broad, feathered back. {{One of these days I'm going to just let you fall when you do that.}}

{{You won't. You love me too much.}}

{{The gods only know why…}} Geier shook herself in flight. Her words were bitter, but the tone was affectionate. {{Joint the police they said. Serve your country, make lifelong friends, play with the latest technology. It'll be fun, they said. None of my aunts mentioned dealing with _batshit insane_ rodents every day.}}

{{OI! _Mustelid_ , not rodent! Hoser!}} Chuckling, Drifter preened Geier's feathers with his hind paws as the next tower came into sight.

X

I had no idea where we were and no idea what to do- either to find our crew mates or get back to the main plot. Trying to hide it from the hunters was futile- Yosaku could feel me shaking whenever I leaned on him, and I swear he and Johnny are telepathic. Not that I didn't try. Glancing up at the slowly darkening sky, I sighed. _Tabarnak…_ I _hate_ not knowing what I'm doing.

"What's wrong Big Sis?"

"Noth-!" I was interrupted when a marine came crashing through the trees, nearly running us over.

He had his sword drawn, and his eyes were glowing green. Cursed, then. So questioning him probably wasn't on the table. Before I could do anything, Johnny and Yosaku drew their dadao, the green hunter leaving me leaning against a tree.

"Electroblade!" Two humming, electrically charged swords swung at the cursed marine. They were sloppy cuts, and the marine managed to block both at once. But that didn't really matter, and may even have made things worse. His whole body went stiff for a second, smoke rising from the ends of his hair. Then he flew backwards, dropping his sword. A few seconds later, the marine crashed into a tree and slid to the ground.

Johnny and Yosaku high-fived. "Nice! A successful test!"

I was about to say something- although I'm not sure what- when the sky lit up with green light. _Merde_. That wasn't good. I scanned the horizon for any sign of the source.

 _There_. A pillar of light, such a bright green that it was nearly white. That had to be coming from- or heading to- Saga and _Shichiseiken_. I pointed at it. "Follow that cliché!"

"What?" Johnny and Yosaku froze and stared at my hand. I rolled my eyes.

"The bloody sky laser. _Such_ a movie cliché. That's where we need to go if we wanna find the plot- I mean, the others."

The hunters glanced at each other and shrugged. I took off shakily into the woods; Johnny and Yosaku were forced to follow me. Or, well, I guess not _forced_ \- they could've stayed behind if they wanted, but that would've left them lost in the woods with a bunch of possessed marines.

Now that we knew which way to go, it didn't take us very long to get to the plot. I mean, to the hill where Saga was pulling off the final stage of whatever plan he was trying to enact. Which seemed to involve a lot of glowing and chanting. I leaned on a tree as I evaluated the situation; Johnny and Yosaku hid in the bushes beside me, surprisingly quiet for a couple gadget-happy goofballs.

Then again, I suppose being a prankster requires _some_ stealth abilities.

Not long after we arrived, Saga suddenly stopped in his chanting. He stared around, as if trying to find the source of a noise I couldn't hear. And then, from one nearby hill and three further ones, a pink glow began to cover the sky. _Then_ I heard it, a faint voice singing in the night.

" _Mvetserani ine magalasi a m'mbuyomo, Ankhondo a malamulo akale._

 _Mvetserani ine zida zakufa za chinenero cha Chingerezi._

 _Mverani ine magalasi otayika mu nkhondo, amene ali ndi tsamba lachita zabwino._

 _Mverani ine magalasi akale, mundimvere ine magalasi a miyoyo yotayika._

 _Usiku uno ndikukupemphani._

 _Ndikukuitanani ku zithandizo zanga._

 _Mverani ine magalasi, chifukwa chachikulu chingaperekedwe._

 _Thupi lanu linapita tsopano mzimu kukhala._

 _Mverani Ine Odziwa Akufa Ine ndikukupemphani inu._

 _Ndikupempha iwe ndi tsamba lanu lauzimu._

 _Ndi mphamvu yanu ndikupemphani inu._

 _Ndi mzimu wanu ndikukupemphani._

 _Bwerani tsopano, tsatirani vuto latsopano, ndikuitana inu._

 _Aliyense wa inu ndikulemba._

 _Ndikukupemphani inu akapolo omwe anamwalira._

 _Ndimvereni ndikubwera kudzandithandiza._

 _Ndimvereni ndikumenyana nane._

 _Nditetezeni ku mizimu yovulaza._

 _Limbani nkhondo zanga ndikukuuzani._

 _Mvetserani Ine Mizimu ya otayika okonda, bwerani ku chithandizo changa, bwerani ku mbali yanga._

 _Nditetezeni ku mizimu yovulaza._

 _Nditetezeni ku mizimu yowala._

 _Ndikukupemphani._

 _Ndikukupemphani._

 _Ndikukupemphani._

 _Ndikukupemphani._

 _Ndikukupemphani._

 _Lolani gulu langa lankhondo lichitidwe._

 _Zilekeni zikhale chomwecho._

 _Zilekeni zikhale chomwecho."_

The chanting was eerie and beautiful. I had no idea what the words meant, but I didn't need to. Just hearing the voice made me feel warm, safe… It was some sort of protection or purification spell. Invisible arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind; whatever entity they belonged to began humming along with the rhythm of the words.

Saga took off running towards one of the nearest hill. His whole body was glowing green at this point, covered in strange runes; when he ran, he left footprints made of glowing green embers. I whistled. Awesome and dangerous. Made him easy to follow, at least.

"Follow that plot device!" I hissed quietly, scrambling off through the woods again.

Johnny and Yosaku trailed behind me, fussing quietly with the tanks and harnesses of their spray guns. Faint metallic clinking followed them, leading to Yosaku finally letting out a soft, aggravated snarl. "I _knew_ we should've put more padding on these things!"

We arrived at the hill just behind Saga. Except… It wasn't actually a hill. Rather, it was a great stepped temple, atop which a girl with blue hair was chanting loudly. Maya. Pink light emanated from her, growing stronger and stronger as it linked with more pink lights from what must've been the orb temples Blue mentioned. And despite how much I normally dislike pink, the light made me feel so happy… So safe…

"HRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!"

A snarl that sounded more beast than man tore from Saga's throat, making me freeze in my tracks. He raced up the steps of the pyramid temple, swinging _Shichiseiken_ wildly- with _both_ hands. Odd… I'd thought one of them was paralyzed earlier. Raising the cursed sword high, Saga was about three steps from Maya, blade descending…

When Luffy charged in from the side and tackled him out of nowhere.

"Gum-Gum Stamp! Gum-Gum Axe!" Once he'd knocked Saga away from Maya, my captain laid into the cursed swordsman with a couple punishing kicks. Saga didn't even bother to block; as soon as Luffy's legs snapped back, green light washed over the areas of impact. Neither kick even left a bruise.

"Mystic Thunder! Mystic Fire!" A burst of green knocked Luffy back before hitting him with a fireball. Saga sneered. "Get out of my way, filthy pirate."

"No!" _Fwap! Fwa-fwap! Fwa-fwa-fwa-fwa-fwa-fwap!_ Luffy launched a flurry of punches at Saga. "Gum-Gum Gatling!"

Saga tanked most of the blows again, stepping in closer in order to bring his sword to bear on my captain. A series of rapid slashes flashed across, each trailing a burning arc of green light. Several of them tore across Luffy's chest even as he leapt back; the rubber boy parried several more, knocking _Shichiseiken_ aside by punching the flat of the blade.

That was impressive. The _timing_ it took to do something like that… I considered asking Luffy to help me train as well as Ghin. Although he might use Garp methods… Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to the fight just in time to see a tremendous clash between rubber and cursed light.

"Gum-Gum Bazooka!"

"Mystic Raiment!"

Both combatants were thrown back. Saga slammed into some sort of carved standing stone hard enough to leave the surface covered in a spiderweb of cracks. Like pavement after an earthquake. On the other side of the battlefield, Luffy crashed into a tree. It snapped in half, the top falling into the forest with an echoing noise.

My captain was back on his feet in an instant, leaping into the air and driving downwards with an attack from above. "Gum-Gum Spear!"

He actually hit this time- _hard_. Saga, still recovering from the mutual blowback, slammed face first into the ground. When he came up, the cursed swordsman's face was bleeding heavily, his nose broken. Once again, though, the injuries were swiftly healed by glowing green runes.

"Mystic Fire!" A brilliant fireball shot from the sword sent Luffy tumbling head over heels through the air.

"Gum-Gum Rocket!" Using the remains of the tree he'd previously snapped, Luffy fired himself at Saga before even hitting the ground. He wrapped his arms around the cursed swordsman's shoulders to keep Saga from attacking, then rubber met bone with a resounding _thud_. "Gum-Gum Bell!"

"Mystic Raiment!" A swirling sphere of green fire burned my captain, sent him tumbling away. Luffy groaned and snarled as he was thrown back.

"Quit messing around with that magic stuff and fight me like a man, dammit!"

"Uahahahahahaha! But I am no mere man- I am a god!" Saga's shoulders shook with manic laughter. "A little monkey like you could never hope to defeat me! Mystic Judgement!"

A column of green fire rose up from the ground. Luffy jumped out of the way, rolling sideways and launching himself at Saga with a roar. A rubber fist smacking into Saga's deranged grin, knocking the expression off his face. "Shut up! Gum-Gum Pistol!"

"Great Mystic Fire- Boa Assault!" _Shichiseiken_ turned into a great serpent of blue-green flames, far larger than the technique Saga had used against me and Lisa. Rather than biting, this version was a constrictor; it wound itself around Luffy and held him tight, pinning his arm as it snapped back.

"You think to defeat me, foolish boy?" Saga's voice was echoing weirdly now. Something about it hurt my brain. "Don't you see? The more you and your little friends fight me, the more violence and misery there is, the more blood you spill… The stronger I become!"

Growling, Luffy struggled against the tight hold of the flaming serpent. He couldn't move his limbs, so he tried biting at it- only to let out a pained yell as doing so burnt his mouth. "GYAH!"

That yell was what finally caused me to unfreeze. I turned to Johnny and Yosaku, trying to come up with a plan. I had no idea how to beat Saga, but we had to do something. "How high a voltage can you do with Electroblade?" Even if we couldn't break the curse, it would have a damn hard time fighting if we could incapacitate the human vessel.

I hoped.

Johnny looked at Yosaku; both hunters shrugged. "No idea. We haven't been able to test much."

"Well then, get ready for some serious fieldwork. We're gonna-!"

Footsteps on stone interrupted me, accompanied by the crunching and snapping of branches as something large burst free of the trees. Green and white flashed across the battlefield, turning from a line to a great spiral as the newcomer reached Saga. The wind thrown up by spinning blades forced flames to dissipate, turning _Shichiseiken_ \- temporarily, at least- back into its native form.

"TATSUMAKI!"

X

When a giant of a man covered in green tattoos burst through the trees, Chopper squeaked and turned to Ace. "Please don't throw any fire! You'll burn down the fo-!"

The freckled pirate wasn't able to respond. A loud snore tore free of his body- his narcolepsy had claimed him. And at a cursed inconvenient time, too. Groaning, Chopper popped into Heavy Point and turned to his other companions. "Ruatha! Get Lisa out of here!"

{{No!}} The dragon snorted and pawed at the ground. He didn't want to run- he wasn't a hatchling anymore! But as usual, no one understood him. Ruatha growled from frustration.

Lisa shot Chopper a reproachful frown. "Why can't I fight? You're only two years older than me!"

"It's not that! You're injured!" The doctor gestured at the painter's arm. She rolled her eyes.

" _So?_ I don't fight by _punching people_. It hurts, but it's not in the way." Lisa pulled out her paints and began mixing.

Chopper shook his head. "Alright, I guess. Just… Stay behind me and Ruatha." The reindeer groaned and rubbed his temples. "If anything happens to you, Ghin's gonna _kill_ me."

"No, he'll kill Ace. _He_ was supposed to be looking after us."

Extending his hockey stick with a click, Chopper beamed. " _Oooh_ , I like that excuse. Okay then- let's go!"

{{Yeah!}} Ruatha jumped and flared his wings, hissing as the behemoth of the man crashed towards them through the last few trees.

There was something… _off_ about this guy. He was too quiet, and his eyes were glowing a strange mix of green and red. Normally Ruatha would've expected a guy like this to yell taunts or battle cries or something as he approached, but… Nothing.

A meaty fist crashed into the ground where Chopper had been standing; the reindeer jumped out of the way at the last second. The doctor responded with a heavy punch and a slashing strike with his stick. Both caught their attacker in the head. "Heavy Gong! High Stick!"

No response; the huge man staggered for a moment, but didn't speak. What he _did_ do was draw a pair of massive maces from his belt. Spiked steel swiped at Chopper from both sides; Ruatha snarled and darted in as a distraction.

{{Dragon Rush!}} Charging, Ruatha rammed the towering man in the small of the back, jumping up after the impact to bite at the back of the man's neck. A twisting strike with a spiked mace knocked him out of the way.

The huge man immediately engaged Chopper maces-to-hockey stick, apparently judging the doctor to be the biggest threat. Steel clanged repeatedly against whatever strange metal Johnny and Yosaku had made the stick out of. Sparks flew through the air.

"Friendship Yellow-Green!" Lisa splashed their attacker with a swathe of paint. It did nothing. Weird.

Shaking his head, Ruatha snarled as he got to his feet. That hurt! His scales weren't tough enough yet. Maybe _that_ was why Mum didn't like him fighting too much. But… He was a pirate, like everybody else. Even if _they_ couldn't understand _him_ , he knew what that meant. Something boiled up in Ruatha's chest as Chopper and the big man continued striking at each other with their weapons.

He was _not_ just a baby to be protected anymore! He was a pirate! He was a _dragon!_

" _ **MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!**_ " Ruatha flared his wings and dug his talons into the ground as he screeched. The force of his cry nearly knocked him off his own feet. It _did_ knock Chopper and the strange attacker over.

Ooh, Ruatha liked that. That felt _powerful_.

Chopper got to his feet a second before the big man did. The doctor quickly laid down strikes with both his hockey stick and his fist. Then he turned to look at Lisa. "Your paint didn't work."

"I noticed," the little girl responded drily. "Do- do you think it's that curse thing? My paints didn't work on Saga either. Maybe the curse changes the way they view symbolism?"

Shrugging, Chopper popped into brain point and began searching through his backpack. He pulled out some rope- which even Ruatha knew was _not_ a normal doctor thing; Ghin must be infecting the others- and began tying up their opponent. "Could be the curse suppresses their brains enough that symbolism doesn't register at _all_. Is everyone alright?"

Lisa nodded. Preening, Ruatha let out a victorious roar. He was _more_ than alright. He was _awesome_. He _loved_ his new scream. "MARZUH!"

X

"JONES! JONES, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Robin couldn't help but shake her head a little at the way Ghin was shouting. So loud… He was going to bring every marine on the island down on them if he wasn't careful. Not that he seems to care. No, from the look on Ghin's face, he would gladly rip through everyone this side of the Red Line to find his little sister.

Which… Okay, there was a part of Robin that was envious. If- If her mother had survived, would Olvia have searched for her daughter that way?

Something of her thoughts must've shown on her face- Robin's control of her emotions had been slipping ever since she'd met these Straw Hats. Sanji, the third member of their party, glanced from the archaeologist to the rigger with a small smile.

"You know… They're not even really related."

"What?" Robin shot the cook a puzzled look. Sure, she knew Ghin and Jones didn't look alike, but some siblings didn't, and the way they acted…

"Yeah… Ghin joined the same time I did; Jones was already with the crew. She's actually the reason he joined." Sanji let out a huff. "At first I thought he was in love with her or something…"

Robin looked at Ghin again- the rigger was nearly shoving trees over as he ploughed through the forest. "This level of dedication… For someone he's only known for a few months? Yes, I can see why you would've thought that."

Ghin glanced back at Sanji and Robin, pausing with one hand planted against a tree. He didn't say anything, but his eyes bored into the cook's. Sanji flipped the rigger off.

"Yeah… We're all like that, I guess, to some extent, but the shitty war dog takes it a few steps further. Mostly for Jones and Lisa."

"Bite me, Shit Cook."

"Not in a million years, War Dog. You're neither a lady nor a delicious ingredient."

Robin chuckled at that, unable to help herself. Neither of the men seemed to notice, too caught up in glaring at each other. Sanji tapped one foot on the ground; Ghin pulled out his tonfa and started spinning one idly.

"You wanna go?"

"Bring it. You may be the cook, but you're about to be toast."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" A crazed redhead in blue armour burst out of the trees, swinging a sword wildly. He lunged for Robin as soon as he saw her, his eyes glowing with a supernatural red and green light. The archaeologist crossed her arms and called upon her powers.

"Seis Fleur: Clu-!"

"Mouton!"

"Black Dog's Howl!"

Before Robin had a chance to complete her technique, a steel-toed boot and a ball-tipped tonfa crashed into the armoured intruder from opposite directions. Sanji's foot met the newcomer's face; Ghin's tonfa crushed the armour encasing one leg. And likely the limb underneath, given the odd angle at which the man's leg bent afterwards.

"Well…" Robin stared at the armoured man as he lay crumpled on the ground, his nose and forehead bleeding profusely. "That was… anti-climactic."

"Asshole," Ghin grunted. A few more bashing blows with his tonfa crumpled and reshaped the blue armour until there was no way the man wearing it could move. Nodding to himself, the Straw Hat rigger immediately headed off to resume his search for his sister.

Sanji immediately followed, hands in his pockets and all previous signs of hostility forgotten. Confused, Robin frowned at the man they'd taken down for a long moment. By the time she started moving again, the men were so far ahead that she almost had to jog to catch up. _Almost_.

"Gospodin Cook, do you mind telling me what that was all about?" Robin almost grabbed Sanji's shoulder, but let her hand drop at the last second. The cook didn't seem to notice.

"What was what all about?"

"You and Gospodin Rigger… You were insulting each other, and then you used actual combat techniques with the intent of hitting your _friends_. Or at least, I thought you were friends. That's what your crew always claims, at any rate."

" _Our_ crew. You're one of us too." Sanji pulled one hand out of his pocket to give a lazy wave. The motion culminated in him flipping the bird at Ghin again; the rigger responded with an obscene gesture Robin was fairly certain was unique to East Blue street gangs. It meant something along the lines of _And you go fornicate with the sea king that chased you into harbour_.

"You certainly don't _seem_ like friends," Robin observed. "At least not you two, and possibly Gospodin Swordsman."

"Not sure what's up with the moss-brain yet," Sanji admitted, his shoulders briefly going tense. Then he relaxed, glanced back over his shoulder, and smiled at Robin. "But we'll find out. As for- all that… That's just our way of blowing off steam. We may be rivals, the three of us, but before that, we're brothers. And trust me- shitty as they may be, I'd rather have the Moss Ball and the War Dog by my side than the _assholes_ I was born with."

X

"Senpai…" Toma asked as he trotted along behind Zoro, "Do you even know where we're going?"

Zoro scowled at the question. He was sick of having his sense of direction challenged. Just because he'd screwed up that one time on Syrup Island… Okay, there was also the fact that he'd been lost when that asshole in the purple suit had set his wolf on that girl. And all the times he'd wandered off to weird places when he'd been working with Johnny and Yosaku way back. He growled.

"No. No, I don't know where we're going. But I know we need to stop Saga and _figure this out_. And if Jones knew your name, that means something big's going down, so she and Luffy are gonna be in the middle of it."

Toma's eyes glowed green as he nodded; he covered them with his hands to avoid having the voice in his head see what he and Zoro were doing. Unable to see where he was going and with his hands occupied, the young swordsman nearly fell off a cliff as the pair made their way swiftly downhill. Zoro caught him by the back of his spotted coat.

"You can't keep doing that; you're slowing us down."

"I- Sorry…" Toma hung his head. "I just want to help. But I can't let it see…"

Thinking for a moment, Zoro undid his bandanna from around his arm. He tied the black fabric around Toma's head with a firm knot, securing the bandanna over the young man's eyes. "There. You can at least use your hands now."

Reaching up, Toma fiddled with the frayed edges of the cloth. "I'm wearing Senpai's… Thank you. Thank you very much."

Zoro grunted. "Just don't go falling off any more cliffs. You slow me down, I'm tying you to a tree and leaving you."

"Of course Senpai."

Once able to use his hands, Toma was surprisingly capable at navigating blindfolded. He groped along behind Zoro, using his hands like a cat's whiskers to feel for trees and rocks. The elder swordsman was impressed. "Have you trained for this?"

"Hai Senpai." Toma nodded. "Even- even before _it_ came, I used to go down and practice in the tunnels under the island. There-In most sections, there's no light at all."

This one had a good work ethic; Zoro approved. About to say so, the Straw Hat bosun froze when the sky lit up with green and pink light. In particular, a pillar of the most brilliant green Zoro had ever seen rose from a distant hilltop.

"This way!"

Tearing off through the trees, Zoro didn't wait to see if Toma followed. This wasn't a matter of direction, of knowing where things were- this was a simple matter of following the light. _That_ Zoro could do. Rapid footsteps behind him soon indicated that yes, Toma _was_ following. His blindfold didn't seem to be slowing him much at all.

Excellent.

Even as quickly as they were moving, it took some time to get to the source of the light. And it moved at least once during that time- for once, Zoro was _sure_ of that, rather than using it as an excuse. Following when the light moved, the Straw Hat bosun and his blindfolded tagalong eventually came to a great temple, so large it resembled a hill. A girl- the priestess who'd originally owned the orbs- stood at the top, chanting in a language Zoro didn't understand.

Near the base of the temple, Zoro spotted a cluster of blue, green, and red-spattered-purple partially hidden beneath a tree. Johnny, Yosaku, and Jones. They were frozen, staring at something above their level; Zoro was too far away to see what.

And then, in between, there was a brilliant flare of fire from halfway up the side of the temple. Blue-green, and so bright it made the bosun's eyes hurt. But even barely able to look, he could see what it was. A great flaming serpent, a giant constrictor wrapping around a small, dark figure. Said figure let out a short, sharp cry of pain.

"GYAH!"

 _Luffy_. Clamping _Wado Ichimonji_ between his teeth, Zoro took off up the side of the temple as fast as his legs could carry him, drawing his other two swords as he went. The world narrowed around him as Zoro focused in on the red-robed figure that held the tip of the serpent's tail. He was already attacking when he reached Saga.

"TATSUMAKI!"

A whirlwind dissipated the fire, turning it into the blade of that monstrous jian Saga had kept across his back. Luffy dropped to the ground, charred and panting, but mostly well. He landed on his feet next to his swordsman.

"Thanks Zoro! Now, let's kick this guy's ass!"

"Aye-aye Captain."

Saga sneered at the pair as they shifted into twin fighting stances. "Aw, Zoro, you wound me. I thought we were friends."

Zoro growled. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm pretty sure you've been abusing that friendship this whole time. This- this isn't you, Saga, and I won't do the dirty work of some cursed talking sword."

"UAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But you already have! Nothing can stop me now- certainly not a pair of idiots like you!"

Listening carefully, Zoro focused on the rhythms of the world. There was wood and sap from the myriad of trees surrounding the temple; cloth and stone and flesh and steel. Yes, he was becoming more and more familiar with these rhythms. And then there was another one, less familiar, but recognizable all the same. The same sinister pulse that was everywhere on this island, stronger beside Saga than anywhere else; a similar rhythm to the one that hummed from _Sandai Kitetsu_.

"Mind if I take this one?" Zoro asked his captain. Luffy scowled.

"He tortured Jones. I wanna kick his ass too."

Nodding, Zoro bit harder on the hilt of _Wado Ichimonji_. "Together then?"

"Yeah."

The two stepped forwards in near perfect sync, launching attacks at Saga from either side. Blades slashed down in a short arc as a rubber fist extended with a snap.

"Tora Gari!"

"Gum-Gum Bullet!"

Saga blocked both with a spherical shield of green fire before launching his own blazing counterattack. "Mystic Raiment! Mystic Fire!"

Luffy and Zoro were thrown back, nearly landing on top of each other. The rubber captain growled. "I hate it when he does that!"

 _The best defense is a good offense_.

The voice of his sensei rang briefly in Zoro's head. But what did that-? _Idea_. Nodding to himself, the swordsman glanced at his captain.

"I have a plan. You just punch him; I'll handle the rest."

"Okay." Luffy nodded and flung his arm back, twisting it around with a series of loud, ominous squeaks.

Closing his eyes, Zoro listened hard to the rhythms of the world. There were two that were important here- air and the curse. But striking between the beats of the air didn't produce the effect he needed. Not quite. Then how-?

Maybe it wasn't just _external_ rhythms he needed to pay attention to. As Luffy's arm snapped forwards, spinning, Zoro launched an attack. Each used a single sword. It flew between the beats of the rhythm of the air; the attack was launched _on_ the beat of the rhythm of Zoro's own flesh, when his arm was at its strongest.

"Ittoryu: Sanjuroku Pound Ho!"

A burst of wind shot forth in the shape of a cutting blade. It maintained its shape until reaching Saga, even slicing through when he raised another shield of fire. The flames sliced open and blew away around the cut, creating an opening. Luffy's attack, already moving, plunged through.

"Gum-Gum Rifle!"

"ARGH!" The spiralling punch drove into Saga, knocking him back and crushing his ribs with an audible snap. He coughed blood. Green runes flashed over Saga's skin, healing his wounds within seconds.

In the sky above, pink light grew fainter as green brightened. The chanting in the background became more desperate.

Luffy growled as Saga stood. Zoro didn't need his captain to say anything; he already knew. No matter how hard they struck at Saga, it was useless unless they destroyed the sword. But for that, he'd need to be closer- which meant someone else had to handle the fire.

"Captain, switch!"

"Huh? But I can't blow the fire away like you can!"

Oh, for the love of… "Listen to the world, Luffy! There's a rhythm in everything, like a thousand songs that make the world! Strike when your own song beats strong, and in between the beats in the song of the air!"

Of course, Zoro had no idea how that advice would translate from swordsmanship to unarmed combat. He was immediately forced to dodge as Saga sent a column of fire roaring up from the ground. "Mystic Judgement!"

Luffy rolled behind a tree. For a moment, the captain's eyes were scrunched closed in concentration; then his face lit up. " _Wow_ … That's _beautiful!_ Okay Zoro, I've got it. You ready?"

"Always." Without waiting to see what his captain would do, Zoro rushed in. Three swords rose and crossed, ready for an attack. Green fire rose up in a swirling sphere before him.

"Mystic Raiment!"

"Gum-Gum BB!" It was like a Gum-Gum Pistol, only it stopped several meters short of striking anything. Rather than a blade of air, Luffy's punch produced a concussive burst of air that blew the flames aside.

Zoro smiled around _Wado Ichimonji_ as he struck. His captain… Luffy might not have been the brightest most times, but if there was one thing he always grasped quickly, it was fighting. So reliable. Of course, a man who was anything less wouldn't be worthy of being Zoro's captain.

"Yaki Oni Giri!" Striking between the beats of steel, Zoro connected with _Shichiseiken_ with all three blades at once. The remnants of the cursed sword's own flames wrapped themselves around his katanas; Zoro added their strength to his own, even as the tails of the green fire burned at his hands.

Green light vanished as the cursed sword broke into three equal pieces- both from the sky, and from Saga himself. Zoro's old friend collapsed like a marionette with its strings cut. At first, there was no sign of movement, not even a heartbeat; Zoro worried that either he or the curse- or maybe the combination thereof- had killed Saga. Then, though he remained unconscious, the red-robed swordsman drew in a shaky breath. Sheathing his swords, Zoro knelt beside his old friend.

In the sudden absence of green, the whole sky glowed pink- then _white_.

"Sensei!"

"Saga!"

Two sets of footsteps raced towards Zoro and Saga- one from the temple's roof, and one from the forest below. Toma and the priestess reached them at the same time; the girl flung herself on Saga's unconscious form in a relieved embrace. Meanwhile the younger swordsman stood awkwardly at Zoro's side, looking confused and afraid. He slowly undid the knot holding Zoro's bandanna around his eyes, passing it back to its owner with shaking hands.

"The- the voice. It's gone."

Luffy frowned at the priestess and the young swordsman. "So… Does that mean the curse is broken?"

The priestess shook her head. "Not completely, no. _Shichiseiken_ is broken, but as long as there is darkness in men's hearts, it will still have some power. That said," here she wiped away tears from her eyes, "There's more than darkness in the hearts of men. There's also great _light_. And as long as that light exists, the sword can be kept sealed."

"Oh." Luffy looked disappointed. "I don't get it, but okay." Then the rubber captain turned to his bosun. "Zoro… We need to have a _long_ talk later. With a Fist of Love or three. But right now… I'm hungry."

The captain promptly passed out on the stone steps, his stomach growling. Zoro laughed and shook his head. A second later, though, all mirth was gone as Johnny, Yosaku, and Jones approached.

A set of gaping holes in her charred, bloodstained shirt showed the otherworlder's torso wrapped in bandages; she was shaky as she walked, occasionally leaning on Yosaku for support. Zoro flinched. _I did that._ _ **Me**_ _. If I hadn't told Saga_ … "Jones, I'm sorry. I shouldn't ha-!"

"It's fine. Don't beat yourself up over it." Jones' glasses flashed pink as she looked away. Her voice was flat. She couldn't meet Zoro's eyes, which just made him flinch again. "Just… Don't tell anyone outside the crew about me again, eh? This wasn't one of the ones I _knew_ about, but there are _reasons_ I'm careful about who I tell."

Flinching for a third time, Zoro got to his feet. He tried to lighten the mood, but humour wasn't part of his training, so it fell flat. "Even if _you_ say it's fine, Chopper's going to kill me."

Jones smirked, her scars twisting tight. "Oh, I think you may have more than that to worry about. In fact, I think you might be in for a round of what Ace got, once everyone's back together."

Of course. He expected no less. Closing his eyes, Zoro took a deep breath. There was a fine line, he supposed, between honesty and foolhardiness. It was a line he never intended to cross again.

X

The sun was barely over the horizon as we prepared to leave Asuka Island. I basked in the beautiful, pink-gold light as I lay draped on the rail. I'd been excused from helping with preparations on account of my injuries- Chopper and Ghin had berated Zoro into doing my share. Not that the swordsman seemed to mind the atonement, despite the numerous bruises he was sporting from last night.

 _No one_ had been happy to learn he'd told a psychotic sentient artifact about my origins and subsequently gotten me tortured. Luffy had even gone so far as to use Zoro as a training dummy to try and teach Ace the Fist of Love.

We were almost ready to disembark when Maya, Izaya, Saga, and Toma appeared on shore. Both swordsmen took one look at me and turned away, ashamed. Instead they focused on Zoro. Meanwhile I, like the good little narrator I am, eavesdropped as my dragon marched up to me and demanded attention.

"Once again, I'm so sorry for everything I put you through." Saga had spent most of the night apologizing to our crew, but one more was always welcome. "I- I've failed our promise, Zoro, and that failure caused harm to you and your friends. I said I would master the sword of justice…"

"Hey…" Zoro reached out and placed a hand on Saga's shoulder. He didn't say anything else, though.

Saga hung his head. "I'm not worthy of calling myself a swordsman, or your friend. But I _will_ be. From now on, I'll work doubly hard to master the sword of justice and protect this island, for everyone's sake. And I'll see to it that no one ever awakens _Shichiseiken_ ever again."

Nodding, Zoro removed a tanto with a wooden sheath from the back of his haramaki and offered it to Saga. The red-robed swordsman pushed it away. "No, keep it. Like I said, I failed our promise and I'm not yet worthy of calling myself your friend."

"If you're sure…" When Saga nodded again, Zoro slipped the tanto back to its previous place. Then he surprised everyone by stepping in and ruffling Saga's hair, something he usually only did to Luffy- and even that was rare. "Dammit, I'm just so glad you're alive- that I didn't- You make sure to stay that way, you hear?"

"Of course." Saga smiled. At his side, Maya beamed and hugged him tightly.

Old lady Izaya cackled. "Oh, you kids are so much _fun!_ Too bad you're pirates!"

Luffy stuck out his tongue at the elderly woman. "That doesn't have to be a bad thing! Being pirates means we're _free!_ "

"So it does! So it does!"

Releasing Saga, Zoro boarded the _Going Merry_ ; everyone else was already partway to their posts. Before we got underway, though, Toma's voice made everyone freeze.

"Sensei!" The young swordsman approached Saga, trembling, and bowed sharply. "I would like to request your permission to leave Asuka Island! I feel that at this point in my training, it would benefit me to learn from a second master!"

For a moment, Saga was shocked, unable to respond. Then his eyes glinted with sadness as he realized Toma couldn't look at him any more than the boy could look at me. "I- Right. You saw what I did to Jones. It's understandable that I scared you, and for that I'm sorry, even if I wasn't fully me at the time."

"It- It's not just that, Sensei!" There were tears in Toma's eyes as he straightened. "I… Even knowing the sword is broken and the seal's in place, I can't stay here. I can still _feel_ it, sliding against the back of my mind. M-Maybe if I hadn't resisted so long, I wouldn't be so scared, but…"

"You don't need to explain; I understand perfectly." Saga reached out and brushed strands of messy ginger hair away from Toma's face. The boy unconsciously flinched away from his touch; Saga looked saddened by this. "I _am_ sorry, for everything. And if ever you wish to return, know my dojo is always open to you. You- You were like a little brother to me, before… All this."

Gathering his courage, Toma finally looked up to meet Saga's eyes. Then he flung himself on the red-robed swordsman in a forceful hug. "And you were the best big brother I could've asked for, Sensei. Maybe someday… No, someday I'll definitely come back, when I've mastered my own personal justice and can face the whispers without fear. Then we can guard the sword together."

"I would like that very much."

Turning, Toma then bowed low in Zoro's direction. "Zoro-senp… No, Zoro-sensei! Would you please accept me as your student?"

Zoro considered this for a moment, then grinned. "Oh, I'm gonna _enjoy_ this. Watch it War Dog… _I_ have one now too."

His words left Ghin- and really, everyone else- utterly baffled. Jerking his thumb over his shoulder, the bosun nodded to Toma. "Sure thing kid. Get your ass up here."

"YES!" Toma leapt up, tacked off _Merry_ 's hull, and hauled himself aboard. Zoro immediately planted a hand on his shoulder.

"Of course, if I'm gonna be training you, there's gotta be some rules. But we'll cover those in a bit. Right now we need to be heading off, so come on. First lesson's how to raise an anchor."

Toma followed dutifully as Zoro went about his job. Soon enough, the _Going Merry_ was underway, drifting through a series of rivers and lakes back out to the sea.

We were almost there when a bugling roar sounded off to one side. Thunderous footsteps followed. Seconds later, the gigantic hippo-rhino from the other day charged around a hill. Its gigantic eyes were pulsing pink hearts.

" _ **UWAWA!**_ "

"Full speed ahead!" Usopp yelped. Everyone rushed to do as he said. We weren't fast enough, though. The hippo-rhino caught us quickly, and immediately began ramming and rubbing the side of the ship. It even followed as _Merry_ moved further out to sea.

The massive amount of force the hippo-rhino was delivering through its affection made me nauseous. I really hoped it didn't do to much damage to _Merry_ , but from the feeling, it probably was.

 _ **PUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!**_

Thankfully a whale spouting _far_ too close for comfort scared the great beast away. Growling, Drifter jumped on Geier's back; the two flew low alongside the ship to check her hull. _Pretty scraped up, but no visible leaks_ , was the otter's report a minute later. _Near thing, though; that hoser left some pretty wicked gouges in a couple boards._

Grumbling, Usopp began preparing to go over and patch up the damage as best he could. He was just tying his harness line around the rail when he froze. The gunner's eyes bulged out; his jaw dropped to the deck. One trembling arm rose to point at something off the port bow. I followed his gaze and my heart froze; pretty sure a bunch of my crewmates had the same reaction as they caught sight of a _very_ familiar boat approaching.

 _What in the nine ever-loving Hells was_ _ **he**_ _doing here?_


	27. Non-Sequitur

**Non-Sequitur: a conclusion, event, or statement that does not logically follow from what happened previously.**

 **Awareness Bringer: Eheh. Oh, it'll work eventually. Probably not til after the timeskip, though**

 **Blackdove Whitedove: Ah... Sorry...**

 **LegionnaireBlaze: Not quite. Sorry.**

 **Unca Bob: Thank you. And no one had mentioned that, so thanks!**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you very much.**

 **Theburper: Someone from BW? What's BW? Or did you mean WB— Whitebeard?**

 **Smile4the-World: Aww... Thank you very much. *smiles***

 **Taiski: Maybe not as much as you might think.**

 **FanatischrLeser: Nope!**

 **NightmareKnight1: Thank you very much. I'm sorry to hear you're not a fan of movie chapters— I plan to do a fair few, so I apologize. And while Toma's not a cat boy, I am using a type of small wildcat as his motif, so you're still pretty close. *looks up Tigrex* Oh wow... Um... Maybe when he's big Ruatha will be like that. *bows* Sorry about the cliffhanger.**

 **Zyrothe: Thank you very much! ^_^**

 **Dragondancer81: Thanks!**

 **Leikiz: Thank you. ^_^**

 **Lightsbane1905: Wearing gloves might help if they were made of the right material. And yes, Robin is distancing herself faster than in canon— largely because she found the Straw Hats getting attached faster than in canon and herself warming to them at an alarming rate.**

 **TiamatisObscure: Nope!**

 **Gerbilfriend: Heheh, thanks. Jones is usually the one getting hurt, aye, but others will be having their time to bleed very soon...**

 **Miki-chan13: Yes, it is the first review you've left. Thank you very much... And I'd say I'm sorry about that little blip, but those things are necessary for one of my upcoming plans, so sorry, but you'll just have to wait and see. I'm pretty sure it's not what you're worrying about, though.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: Ding! You are correct! And for the moment, it's just called "Scream." That's actually what the Dovahzul word he was shouting means.**

 **InternetJunkie: Thank you very much. Is this soon enough for you?**

 **starelight: Thank you very much. And you're welcome. Buoyancy... Hmm, I hadn't thought of that. She'd have to have good shoes to make sure her feet didn't get wet, but it should work. Thanks.**

 **Shugopop: Ding! Another correct answer! And thank you very much!**

 **Keiolsha: Thank you very much. Here's the answer to your questions.**

 **Kakusei: Thank you very much.**

 **Insanity Lord: Yeah, I know I'm mean to Jones. But Jones is me, so it's alright. Right? Sorry... Now I've confused myself.**

 **Azurai Wolf: Nope! To both!**

 **Ninuhuju: He does... And one of your guesses is correct.**

 **Cheb: Thank you very much.**

 **A: Sorry... I'm glad you like Toma, though.**

 **Questions: Sorry for not showing that... Maybe something in this chapter will make up for it a bit?**

 **xanothos: Thank you. And... Sorry?**

 **3D.2why: Sorry...**

 **Snowgirl7589: Sorry about that.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Nope. Sorry!**

 **Draco Oblivion: Thank you very much! And sorry about Sanji— I'm not always good at writing the way his reactions would've changed, especially when there's a girl around he canonically goes gaga for. I'm working on it. *bows deeply***

 **Sage McGavin: You'll see.**

 **KCHS16: Nope! Neither of those! Sorry!**

 **ZhaWarudo: Well, that's... kinda rude. If you felt that way, why bother to write a comment before you left?**

 **Guest (November 2): No, don't worry, I wasn't planning on having Robin drink vodka. And... No, the honorifics weren't there before. Sorry... I was using them to start having her try to distance herself from the crew, since they've been drawing her in faster than in canon. *bows deeply* I'm very sorry for misusing things— I have no Russian friends or family I could ask, you see, and so had to rely on what I read online. I'll talk more about this in a note at the end of the chapter— you've reminded me of something very important, for which I thank you.**

 **FairyGirl960: Thank you very much. You need wait no longer.**

 **iAmOsiris: Thank you very much! And you're welcome!**

"Mimble wimble…"

Usopp dropped his rope and tools in favour of drawing his slingshot, one hand fumbling around in his duffel bag for bullets. Johnny and Yosaku squeaked and readied their spray guns. Nami followed the pattern, aiming the _Clima-Tact_ at the incoming boat. Even Sanji snuffed out his cigarette and tapped one foot on the deck, preparing for a fight.

Robin's face went pale when she saw who was approaching. She immediately went belowdecks, her hands shaking. I flinched. Yeah… If he wanted to take her, we wouldn't really be able to stop him. Not that that knowledge would keep us from trying. I drew my pistol and cocked it. Even if my aim was crap, my _luck_ was good enough that I might be able to punch a hole in his boat. Unaware of the danger, Ruatha squirmed his way in between my legs to make it almost look like I was sitting on him, wide blue eyes staring up at me in a plea for attention.

Ghin pulled out his flintlocks, but he was trembling badly, even paler than Robin. He could barely keep a hold on his guns, let alone aim them straight. His eyes were wide, unfocused; he was seeing things that weren't there. Things that had happened in the past, rather than things as they currently were, I'd wager. Although history repeating itself was a _very_ real possibility where this man was involved.

For a few brief seconds, Lisa stared out at the approaching boat in confusion. Then realization hit her like a truck. The little girl squeaked, grabbing her paintbrush and examining the colours she had available. She settled on Hallucination Hot Pink, and from the looks of it, she'd picked out a bindrune to go with it.

Chopper looked around, confused. He was the only one besides Ruatha who didn't recognize the man approaching. "Um… Guys? Who's that?" When no one answered, he sniffed at the air. His ears laid flat, and he started to shake. "He smells like steel and leather and chemicals and _blood_ , and he as _predator_ eyes!"

Drifter snarled, the fur on his tail fluffing up. _Don't worry, Doctor. We won't let him eat you._ Geier shrieked her agreement, flaring her wings.

Apparently, Ghin wasn't able to hold on to his composure any longer. His flintlocks clattered loudly as they fell to the deck, his shaking hands unable to maintain a decent grip. My big brother took a single, staggering step back before realizing there was nowhere to run. A strangled moan fought its way up from his chest. With no option available for flight, Ghin scooped Chopper into his arms and hugged him tight, like a scared child with their favourite teddy bear. The reindeer returned the embrace in kind.

And really, in any other situation, that would've been adorable. I rested my free hand on Ghin's shoulder to offer some comfort, but my focus remained on the approaching boat.

Luffy stared at the newcomer, back tense, fists clenched. "Zoro, don't-!"

"I know, Captain. Not this time; I'm not ready. _Yet_." The bosun's eyes flashed; though he hadn't drawn them, his hands were on his swords.

Toma glanced from Zoro to the approaching boat and back again, eyes going wide with awe. "Sensei… Have you _met_ before?"

"Yeah. A few months ago, he handed me my ass. But I managed to impress him enough that he left me alive to try again." Zoro scowled out over the water. "Dammit… This is too early though."

Ace wandered over to see what the rest of us were looking at. Unlike my crewmates, his reaction was… kind of flat. "Oh. It's just Shanks' pet Warlord." The freckled pirate shook his head. "Geez, guys, for a moment you had me thinking Gramps had shown up or something."

Green flames danced in the breeze, their reflections shimmering over the water. Mihawk was close enough by now for us to see one golden eye twitch at Ace's words. Close enough to read the letters painted on the hull of his boat in dark gold. The black, coffin-shaped boat drew nearer still, until it was close enough for its occupant to throw up a line, securing the _Sable Cross_ to the rail of the _Going Merry_.

A great leap carried Mihawk up onto our deck, his coat fluttering around him. He moved too quickly for even Usopp to try and get off a shot, landing in the middle of our group and… Raising his hands?

"I come in peace, this time. So long as none of your crew attack, I will not draw my blades." Mihawk shot a pointed look at Zoro as he said this. When no one made a move, the world's greatest swordsman nodded in satisfaction and let his hands fall to his sides.

Ghin let out a cracked groan, either not believing or not registering Mihawk's words. His hands balled into fists in Chopper's fur, knuckles going white. The doctor whimpered. But at least Chopper seemed to be calming down, which… Ghin really wasn't. His fear was understandable, though, given what had happened to his last crew at Mihawk's hands.

Toma's eyes turned into stars; the boy looked like he was about to either faint or go full fanboy at any minute. Gods above and below… Well, as long as he didn't go full Barto. Only one man can pull off going full Barto.

Luffy marched over and planted himself between Zoro and Mihawk, forcing both swordsmen to look at him. Folding his arms, my captain snorted like an angry bull. "What're you doing here, Hawky? You can't fight Zoro yet!"

"Trust me, that wasn't even _remotely_ on my mind." Mihawk's face was scrunched up as if he was in pain. Which… He was the world's greatest swordsman, visiting Paradise. Why would he be in pain? "No, Straw Hat, I boarded your ship at the behest of another. Though _why_ he couldn't come himself… And I'm in the area on business of my own, anyway."

Warning bells began to ring in my head. Mihawk was one of the Shichibukai- who, exactly, had the authority to order him after some rookie crew in Paradise? The government… But how high up did you have to be to order the Warlords? Had someone figured out who Luffy's father was? Was- was I not careful enough when I told people at Loguetown? Had someone overheard? My heart sped up, adrenaline flooding my system as I panicked.

When Mihawk reached inside his flowing coat, I aimed my pistol at his head. The Shichibukai shot me a dirty look. "I'm not going to pull a weapon, Dragon Girl. I swear on my honour."

I hesitated for a moment, then put my pistol away with shaking hands. Shooting Mihawk probably wasn't a good idea- even if the bullet didn't go wide, the world's greatest swordsman probably had Kenbunshoku Haki; he'd be able to dodge or block, and his retaliation… None of us would be able to stop him, except maybe Ace. _Maybe_.

Mihawk's hand re-emerged from his coat, holding a large, dull-eyed paisley snail. A visual den-den mushi. The tired gastropod blinked at everyone, then nibbled on the hem of Mihawk's sleeve.

Luffy tapped one foot on the deck. "You didn't tell me what you're doing here, Hawky. If you're not here to fight Zoro, _why're you on my ship?_ "

A shiver of something- possibly disgust- ran up Mihawk's spine. "Trust me, Straw Hat, if I were left to myself, I would be nowhere near this part of Paradise. As I said before, I am here at the behest of another. One who I _wish_ would have come himself… Possibly his hangover rendered him incapable of sailing straight. He claims to know you."

Luffy's frown deepened. "Who?"

"Red-Haired Shanks."

My captain looked torn. It was easy to guess what he was thinking- he was angry and distrustful of Mihawk, who had nearly killed Zoro in the past, but he also wanted to know what Shanks was doing. Rubber skin turned red as Luffy frowned with concentration.

"Why would Shanks send you here? And why would you listen to him? How would you even know him? Aren't you one of those Squeaky Bucket things? Pirates who work for the marines?"

Eye twitching, Mihawk grit his teeth. His words came out as barely more than a hiss. "I assure you, everything I say is true…

X

 _Mihawk stepped onto the sand, gazing about with distaste. Scattered around him on the beach- and further inland in the forests of the island- were a few dozen insensate pirates. They clung to each other, snoring, their breath reeking of booze. Their clothing was stained and rumpled, their hair matted with what appeared to be spilled beer and thrown food. One man was mumbling in his sleep, hugging tight to a rather traumatized tiger, while another was attempting to make out with a coconut in his sleep._

 _Following the trail of inebriated men into the shadows of the trees, Mihawk wished he'd thought to send a letter instead, or maybe give his old friend a snail call. He really did_ not _need to see a naked Lucky Roo flopped over a log, ass in the air. And… What exactly_ was _Yasopp doing to that pineapple? Mihawk's brain temporarily shut down to keep him from thinking about it, not coming back online until the abominable sight was safely hidden behind a clump of towering ferns._

 _Finally, Mihawk found the man he was looking for. The figure was propped more or less upright, leaning back against a log, white shirt stained with what looked like chocolate and pomegranate juice. Hair as red as blood stuck up in odd spikes, sticky and dark with spilled beer. Scruffy stubble of the same shade surrounded an open, snoring mouth. One hand both held a nearly empty beer bottle and clung to the edge of the black cloak the man was ineffectually using as a blanket._

 _Of course._

 _Rolling his eyes, Mihawk delivered a swift kick to the sleeping pirate's ribs. "Get up! If I'm going to come all the way out to this abominable backwater you call home, you can at least do me the courtesy of being conscious while I'm here!"_

 _"No refunds for products damaged by forced maintenance..." Shanks blinked blearily up at Mihawk, still mostly asleep. Then the red-haired pirate abruptly leapt to his feet, dropping his bottle and cloak as he groped for his sword. Only, his sword wasn't on him. Nor was his sword belt. Nor were his_ pants _. "Gyeh! What?! Who?!"_

 _Grimacing, Mihawk fought the urge to facepalm. Why… Just_ why _was he friends with this man, again? The swordsman covered his eyes as Shanks swung this way and that, desperately looking for his weapon._

 _After about three and a half minutes of half-nude shenanigans, Shanks finally seemed to realize who had woken him. He slung an arm over Mihawk's shoulders, pressing himself uncomfortably close to the cringing Warlord. "Hey Hawky! What're you doing here? Come for a fight? Just gimme a bit- my sword wandered off again- I gotta go find 'im."_

 _"I do not duel one-armed has-beens," Mihawk ground out, "Especially when they're not wearing_ pants _."_

 _It took a moment for the swordsman's words to register with said one-armed has-been. Once they had, Shanks immediately removed his arm from Mihawk's shoulders. There were a few seconds of crashing and rustling noises, followed by a triumphant shout._

 _"Aha! There're the little buggers!" Next came more rustling, this time accompanied by thudding, staggering steps, hopping, and cursing. "God fucking dammit! You'd think that after only having one arm for ten years I woulda gotten better at this!"_ _ **Crsh-ud**_ _. "Yeowch! Shit!"_

 _Shortly thereafter, Shanks reached over and poked the hand that was covering Mihawk's eyes. "S'okay now; I'm decent. So, if you're not here for a duel, why_ are _you here, Hawky?"_

 _Slowly lowering his hand, Mihawk was met with the sight of Shanks right in his face, grinning broadly. The red-haired pirate was wearing an obnoxiously bright pair of pink shorts; one of his shins was bleeding slightly from where he'd bashed it on something while attempting to dress himself. Still an eyesore, but no longer of the sort that made Mihawk want to gouge his own eyes out with_ Yoru _._

 _Seriously,_ how _had this man become one of the most feared on the seas, and_ why _was Mihawk friends with him?_

 _"I came because recently I found myself in the East Blue." Mihawk shoved Shanks none-too-gently backwards, out of his personal bubble. "I met someone interesting while I was there-someone I thought you might wish to hear about."_

 _"What did Garp do this time?" Shanks asked with a tired roll of his eyes. Mihawk shook his head and smirked._

 _"Not Garp, although I believe there may be some relation. A young boy just recently set out to sea with a few friends. He had a scar under his left eye and a_ very _familiar straw hat. Reminded me of that story you always tell."_

 _Shanks face lit up like the sun, grin growing so broad he started to remind Mihawk of the captain he once served under. The redhead bounced in place. "You saw Luffy? I'm glad he's made friends; always was hard for the poor guy, even though he was such a sweet kid. And they've set out to sea? Wow! Little guy must've finally learned subtlety if he's managed not to get a bounty yet! I woulda thought he'd've run out and beat up some noble asshole and gotten a price on his head right away!"_

 _Remembering the way the rubber boy had leapt at him, eyes blazing, Mihawk shook his head. "I believe it's his friends, not Straw Hat himself, who have mastery of subtlety."_

 _"Tell me everything!" Shanks' bouncing intensified. "Everything about Lu and his crew! Who are they? What're they like? Where did you meet them?"_

 _Mihawk rolled his eyes. "I wasn't even there for half an hour; there's not much I can say. Although his_ swordsman _was_ very _interesting." He was unable to help the small, genuine smile that spread across his face. Yes, that little Rabbit would do great things one day- that, or die in glorious battle._

 _Shanks didn't seem happy with this answer. The feared Yonko pouted and_ whined _, increasing his friend's disbelief at his status. "But you_ saaaaaaaaaaaaw _them, didn't you? Tell me! Tell me, tell me, tell me!"_

 _The one-armed pirate flung himself on Mihawk in an awkward hug that reeked of beer. Attempts to pry him off only resulted in more whining. "_ Pllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaassssssse _tell me! Please, please, please!"_

 _Well, at least he had learned manners now. Sort of. Last time they'd been in a situation like this, a pouting Shanks had threatened to blast Mihawk with Haoshoku Haki. Not that even_ he _would do something like that over something so trivial, but still…_

 _"Very well," Mihawk sighed. Those words magically detached the whining redheaded limpet from his shoulders as Shanks went back to sitting on a log and bouncing with excitement. "But as I say, I wasn't even in their presence for half an hour; there's truly not much I can tell you."_

 _"Doesn't matter! I wanna know everything you know about them!"_

 _Mihawk nodded his acquiescence. "To start, I think you made the right choice with that boy. Straw Hat may be small, but he has a lot of fire in him. He tried to punch me in the face after I'd beaten his swordsman- failed, naturally, but he tried." There was also something about the rubber boy that had the same huggable quality as a kitten, but Mihawk didn't mention that. The last thing he needed was Shanks going off- either about how adorable Straw Hat had been as a child, or about how Mihawk actually had the emotional capacity to want to hug something._

 _So sue him; he was a cat person._

 _"His swordsman is the one who interests_ me _most, naturally. A little older than Straw Hat, muscular, green hair… He fights with three swords, which isn't something I've seen someone attempt with any success in the past. He challenged me practically as soon as I docked at the_ Baratie. _"_

 _Shanks groaned. "Hawky, you didn't kill Lu's swordsman, did you? He'll never forgive you if you did, and if you think_ I'm _bad once I get an idea in my head, you should see-!"_

 _"I said I_ beat _him," Mihawk snapped, "Not that I killed him. It would be a pity to end such a promising little rabbit so early in his life. He has a great deal of potential, and the heart and honour to match."_

 _"Oh…" Shanks deflated. "Okay then. Sorry. Continue."_

 _"There were two others with swords as well, though I would hardly call them swordsmen." Mihawk couldn't help the sneer curling his lip. "More like shrieking birds. One with dark skin and black hair, the other pale-skinned with lighter hair cropped close. They wore matching blue and green trench coats and didn't seem to be of much use, beyond retrieving people who had fallen into the water."_

 _"Well, Luffy_ does _need someone to do that." Shanks swung his feet back and forth, kicking at the log._

 _"Indeed…" Mihawk hadn't actually seen the rubber boy fall in, but he'd take Shanks' word for it that it was bound to happen. Straw Hat_ was _a bit of a reckless idiot._

 _"There was another boy too- long nose, dark skin, extraordinarily curly hair. There was something familiar about him… Yasopp's son, I think. He didn't do anything at all, that I saw, but he carried a slingshot. A ranged fighter, I believe; likely Straw Hat's gunner."_

 _Shanks nodded, eyes fixed on Mihawk with rapt attention. Somewhere behind the ferns, Yasopp let out a whoop that turned into a snore._

 _Mihawk paused for a moment to shudder. That poor, innocent pineapple…_

 _Nope, suppressing that. "And he has two girls that I saw as well- girls who looked like they might not be half bad in a_ fight _, which puts him one step above you or Whitebeard as far as I'm concerned. One of them, a redhead with a tattoo on her shoulder, was moving his ship when I got there. Probably his sailing master, since she was doing so alone."_

 _"Wait…" Shanks frowned. "How'd you know it was Luffy's ship?"_

 _"There was a Jolly Roger wearing a straw hat flying from the mainmast."_

 _"Eheh… Fair enough." The red-haired pirate rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "And the second girl?"_

 _"Younger than the others, blonde, looked like she wanted to hide." Mihawk reached up to fiddle with the brim of his hat. "At first I wrote her off as useless- a sister or girlfriend to one of the boys, perhaps, who joined without knowing what being a pirate means. But she watched my duel with the swordsman through a warrior's eyes."_

 _It took several long minutes after Mihawk had stopped talking for Shanks to realize he was done. The redhead let out a little whine of disappointment. "That's all?"_

 _"Yes. Or at least, all I saw."_

 _Shanks groaned. "Tell me you at least know some of the shenanigans they've been getting up to- I need some new stories for next time I see Whitebeard! Do you_ know _how hard it is to compete for the title of best embarrassing dad with a man who has over a thousand sons?!"_

 _"I do not."_

 _And really, Mihawk wondered if Shanks was overestimating his position in Straw Hat's life. Yes, he was very attached to the boy, almost obsessed it sometimes seemed, but they hadn't even seen each other in ten years. And even when they_ had _, Shanks was barely in the child's life for a few days at a time, over the course of a year or two at most. Although… Straw Hat certainly seemed to treasure that hat, so perhaps…_

 _Suddenly Mihawk found himself imagining Shanks as a father. The image was… Surprisingly not traumatizing. Although the swordsman found himself pitying any theoretical offspring's significant others should romance ever come into the situation._

 _Groaning again, Shanks stared up at Mihawk with pleading eyes. "You at least have_ pictures _, right? Your duel with an East Blue kid was covered in a paper somewhere? A newspaper I could cut stuff out of?"_

 _"It was at the Baratie. There were no reporters in sight." Mihawk was amazed. Shanks was… Actually kind of into this dad thing. Despite Straw Hat not being his son. In fact, the swordsman wouldn't have been surprised if Shanks was secretly keeping a scrapbook of what few pictures and stories he had from when Straw Hat was a child. Maybe the Yonko needed to go out and find himself a girl, have an_ actual _son…_

 _Actually, given that the only girl Mihawk could remember Shanks showing interest in for any length of time was that barkeeper from the East Blue, the Yonko may very well end up adopting Straw Hat even if he_ did _marry her. She probably wouldn't object; she had been the boy's primary caretaker. Mihawk made a face. It just went to show how often Shanks talked about the boy, that he remembered such details._

 _Shanks had stopped his whining and bouncing, his face going serious. Lost in thought, Mihawk didn't notice right away. By the time he did, it felt like dark hazel eyes were trying to bore a hole in his forehead. Not trying hard- there was no Haki behind the stare- but trying._

 _"_ _ **Mihawk**_ _," the red-haired pirate growled, "You_ _ **will**_ _go get me pictures."_

 _"What? No. I'm no one's errand boy- not the government's, and most certainly not yours."_

 _Lower lip trembling, Shanks tried a different tactic. "But… I want pictures. I_ _ **need**_ _pictures…"_

 _"I said no!"_

 _"_ Please? _I'll buy you that really expensive wine you like- the one made for the Celestial Dragons. Eight whole casks of it!"_

 _Mihawk shook his head. "Tempting, but the answer is still no. And you pronounced_ steal _wrong."_

 _"But- But- But- Pictures!" Shanks flung himself on Mihawk again, clinging tighter with one arm than an octopus fishman could with eight. "Please, Hawky? Please, please, please, please, please?"_

 _"Go see Straw Hat and his crew yourself, if it's that important to you!" The swordsman tried to shove his friend away. He met with zero success._

 _"But I_ _ **can't!**_ _" Shanks whined. "We made a_ _ **promise**_ _that we'd meet again when he's a great pirate! He's not a great pirate yet! He doesn't even have a bounty! That's why I need pictures- he doesn't have a bounty poster! I wanna see my little Anchor all grown up!"_

 _"Are you still drunk?" Mihawk demanded in disgust. Shanks paused in his whining._

 _"Um… Maybe a little?"_

 _Oh, that explained_ so _much._

 _"But it doesn't matter if I'm drunk- I still want pictures! And you need to go get them for me! Please? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please!"_

 _"NO!"_

 _Mihawk had to fight not to growl. Shanks had somehow managed to pin his arms so he couldn't reach_ Yoru _, couldn't threaten the Yonko with the black blade to make him let go. This was intolerable!_

 _"Please! Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!" Shanks paused for breath. "You know I'll just keep doing this until you agree, right? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!"_

 _"I refuse!"_

 _"And I refuse your refusal! Please, Hawky, just this once?"_

 _"That's what you said when you talked me into helping you crash Garp's 65_ _th_ _birthday party!" With only one recourse left to him, Mihawk headbutted Shanks in the forehead. It did absolutely nothing to make him let go- of course. A skull made of seastone was practically required to have survived growing up on the pirate king's ship. "I've learned my lesson! Never again! I refuse to acquiesce to your request!"_

 _"Then you leave me no choice." Shanks' face morphed into a disturbing grin. Still not releasing Mihawk, he turned his head to the side and yelled for one of his men. "Hey Blatto! Can you get your-?"_

 _"Alright, alright, I'll do it." Mihawk could feel himself going pale. He never wanted to see those things again. Not after… Nope, suppressing that. "Just… Don't. You_ know _why I dislike…"_

 _"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. But this is important!" Shanks didn't sound sorry at all. But at least he was letting go now, which was all Mihawk cared about at the moment. The swordsman took a step back and brushed the wrinkles out of his jacket._

 _"I suppose I shall be leaving immediately then. Good day to you; I'll return when I have what you requested. And_ Shanks _?"_

 _"Uh-huh?"_

 _"_ Never _threaten me with that again." Mihawk drew_ Yoru _and pointed the blade at the center of Shanks' forehead._

 _"Okay… Fine…"_

 _He didn't expect Shanks to remember that promise forever, but it would at least hold for a few years. Satisfied, Mihawk returned_ Yoru _to its place on his back. He spun on his heel and began making his way back to his boat, doing his best not to look at any of the Red-Hair Pirates as he did so. It was… harder than he would've liked. They were everywhere._

 _As he cast off, Mihawk heard Shanks shouting behind him. "You're not even going to stay for the party?"_

 _"How can you have a party right now? Most of your men are still unconscious from the last."_

 _"Luffy's set out to sea! And he's making all kinds of cute little friends! How could I_ not _have a party?"_

 _Mihawk shook his head, unable to respond. Not even waiting until he returned with pictures… Shanks just wanted another excuse to get drunk. Although there was no doubt in his mind that Shanks actually_ did _care for the little rubber boy, and truly_ was _excited that Straw Hat was finally setting out._

 _When he was about a hundred meters from shore, something heavy and squishy hit the world's greatest swordsman in the back of the head. Reaching up, he peeled a large visual den-den off his hat. It squeaked at him before retreating into its pink paisley shell. Shanks' voice echoed from the island behind him._

 _"Oi Hawky! You forgot something!"_

 _Sighing, Mihawk fought back the urge to retaliate. Some days… Some days he found himself really regretting his association with the happy-go-lucky Yonko. But at least Shanks had good taste in booze._

 _He fully expected that wine when he came back._

X

"Of course," Mihawk added as his story wrapped up, "I would never actively _seek you out_ for so trivial a reason. Maybe cooling his heels for a few months would teach that drunkard to do his own dirty work. No, I was on my way to Asuka Island to investigate the legends of _Shichiseiken_ , the cursed sword- unless my library fails me, it was supposed to awaken about this time, if it exists at all."

Zoro scowled, one hand resting on the hilt of _Wado Ichimonji_. "You're late. We already dealt with it."

"I can see that." Mihawk's gaze panned over our entire crew, taking in cuts, bandages, bruises, and burns. "Good job; I wouldn't usually expect something like that from a bunch of rookies."

I, meanwhile, was still stuck on something Mihawk had said when he was telling his story. My eye twitched. Of all the… I glared at Mihawk, jumping into the conversation before anyone else could react to his story. "You… You told Shanks I was the youngest member of the crew… Tabarnak! I'm 24, ya bloody Spaniard!"

Golden eyes flicked momentarily in my direction. "Oh. My apologies. Trust me, someday you'll be glad you look so young, Dragon Girl."

And then there was poor Luffy, who looked… confused. He rubbed his temples, face scrunching up and turning red as he thought. "But… I have Dad… And if Whitebeard's Ace's Pops, then he's my Pops too… And Shanks… _How many dads do I have?_ "

The rubber boy proceeded to have a mini meltdown, tugging his hat over his ears. Alarmed, Ace reached out and placed a hand on Luffy's shoulder. Sanji huffed.

"Why're you so worked up, Shitty Rubber? Back in the desert, you were all for heaping extra shitty dads on the rest of us." The cook lit a cigarette, his visible eyebrow rising. Luffy's face faded to a normal colour with a sheepish chuckle.

"Shishishishishi… Oh yeah…" Luffy blinked. "So, um… What do you do with a dad anyway?"

Zoro shrugged. Ace opened his mouth, closed it, and shook his head, torn between his love of Whitebeard and his hatred of Roger. Me… I had no idea what to say. And the rest of the crew seemed to be in the same boat- unable, unwilling, or unsure how to explain. Not that it really mattered much. No matter how many father figures we may have, none of them were _here_.

Mihawk gazed around at us, patiently waiting for everyone to calm down. Once everyone was paying attention to him again, rather than Luffy's ex-dad-stential crisis- apologies for that horrible pun- the world's greatest swordsman tapped his finger against the shell of his visual den-den.

"Alright. That's enough. Line up now please; the sooner I get pictures for that drunkard, the sooner I can leave and the happier we'll all be."

Everyone paused and stared at Mihawk- although I think in Ghin's case, he'd never really stopped. Lisa cocked her head to the side. "Line up?"

"For pictures," Mihawk bit out irritably. "I need you to all line up for a photograph- tallest in the back, little ones up front. Quickly please."

His tone of voice made me jump. Instincts honed from years of figure skating and school pictures had me automatically looking for my place, even before everyone else moved. Most of the others just stared at Mihawk, still confused. And then there was my brother…

Ghin was starting to rock back and forth where he stood now, unable to move. His eyes were fixed on Mihawk, but glassed over, unseeing. Breath came in rapid pants; Ghin seemed to be in the middle of a panic attack. _Merde_. Dammit, dammit, dammit- I wanted to help, but I had no idea what to do. I'd never seen a panic attack from this side before. Uncertain, I placed a hand on Ghin's shoulder and squeezed, hoping the contact would steady him.

My touch just made him jump and start panting even _more_. _Merde_.

Chopper squirmed in the rigger's arms. My brother loosened his grip slightly, but didn't put the reindeer down. Wiggling around until he was facing Ghin, the doctor placed a hoof on the rigger's sweaty forehead.

"Oh dear… Ghin," Chopper's voice was firm, but still soft and calm. "Ghin, I need you to listen to me. No one else, just me. Breathe with me. In through your nose, out through your mouth."

The little doctor took slow, exaggerated breaths, snuffling loudly for Ghin to hear. It took a minute for them to synchronize. Once they had, Chopper nodded to himself. One hoof rubbed soothing circles on the back of Ghin's hand.

"Good. That's very good. Now sit down. You'll feel better if you sit down."

I _think_ Chopper meant for Ghin to find himself a spot on a barrel, or maybe go into the galley. Instead, my brother lowered himself to the ground right in the middle of the deck. He was still rocking back and forth, but not as aggressively as when he'd been standing. Chopper sighed.

"Sorry… I didn't realize how frightened you were at first. Can you tell me what you're afraid of? It's okay if you can't. But if you can, it might help me make things better."

Ghin mumbled incoherently for a few minutes. His voice slowly grew louder, until some of the words could be made out. "The armada… _Burning_ … No man can… Split like a pumpkin… Screaming… Why won't you let me help them? Demon eyes… Away! Get away! No use… There's blood- blood on the water!"

Chopper clearly didn't know what to make of that. The doctor continued talking, staring up into Ghin's unfocused eyes. "Deep breaths. Nothing's on fire; nothing's burning. There's no blood on the water. Just sea salt. You can smell it. Breathe deep; focus on the brine."

"We're all here with you." Chopper nuzzled one of Ghin's hands; the rigger made a small, curious noise and began petting him absently. "No one's screaming; everyone's safe. Luffy's here; I'm here. Zoro and Sanji are here, Johnny and Yosaku are here, Nami and Jones are here, Lisa and Ruatha are here, Drifter and Geier are here, Toma and Usopp are here. Robin's just belowdecks. Even Ace is here, and he's not one of our crew. You're surrounded by friends; we won't let anything happen to you."

Ghin's breathing had evened out by now. His mind was still elsewhere, though. Sanji looked at the rigger with unaccustomed concern. "Would it help if I made him something?"

Thinking for a moment, Chopper nodded. "Maybe. It won't hurt, so it's worth a try. Something familiar, that he likes; something he would associate with safety."

Nodding, Sanji headed off towards the galley. Mihawk looked like he was about to protest, before realizing that the photo he wanted would be better if Ghin could relax slightly. Letting out a little sigh, the world's greatest swordsman leaned back against _Merry_ 's mast and began poking his visual den-den. The snail was not amused.

It wasn't that much of a delay, anyway. Sanji returned less than fifteen minutes later with a steaming plate of chicken fried rice. The smell perked Ghin up a bit; my brother finally released his hold on Chopper when Sanji offered him the plate. Ghin ate quietly, colour slowly coming back into his face. His hands steadied. But even once his panic attack seemed to have finished, he didn't remove his gaze from where it had become fixed on the deck.

"Thanks, Chopper…" Ghin's voice was very quiet. "You're good at that. And- you too, Shit Cook. Thanks."

Chopper squirmed in place, blushing brightly. "I'm a doctor- it's what I do! But don't go trying to butter me up about it, you bastard!"

"Don't mention it." Sanji rolled his eyes and blew a few smoke rings into the air. "You may be a shitty war dog, but you're _our_ shitty war dog."

I reached out and placed a hand on Ghin's shoulder; this time, he didn't jump away. Chopper and Lisa moved in to hug the rigger from either side, while Drifter climbed up on his shoulders and began pawing through Ghin's hair, grooming him.

Mihawk stared dully at us. "Now that your friend is no longer on the verge of passing out, could we please get on with this? I have places to be."

"Like where?" Nami snapped. "Didn't you go after Krieg because you were bored and he interrupted your nap? Doesn't _seem_ like you have anywhere in particular to be." The sailing master looked like she was debating the merits of electrocuting Mihawk- and possibly trying to loot _Yoru_ afterwards, if the way her eyes gleamed was any indication. " _You're_ the reason Ghin flipped out in the first place; give him a minute to calm down."

"Very well; my apologies." Mihawk sighed. "I do not mean to come off as insensitive; I just dislike acting as that drunkard's errand boy."

Luffy shot the world's greatest swordsman a very odd look. "Then don't let Shanks push you around so much. Duh."

"It's… Not that simple, Straw Hat. For a number of reasons." Mihawk made a face. He didn't elaborate, however.

A few minutes of awkward silence later, Ghin grabbed Chopper into a hug again and slowly got to his feet. It wasn't so panicky this time, though. He still wouldn't look at Mihawk, but Ghin _did_ turn slightly to make it obvious he was addressing the swordsman. His voice was still very quiet.

"I- I'm okay now. I think. Where did you want us?"

"You don't have to," Nami told Ghin. Her eyes were still on Mihawk. "If you're uncomfortable, you can go below with Robin. Or better yet, we can just say no and boot this guy off the ship. What kind of pirates stand around for family photos? And who's this Shanks person he's supposed to get them for anyways?"

Her words got mixed reactions. Luffy looked torn, his desire for his crew's happiness warring with his desire to make Shanks proud. Zoro let out a snort of amused derision. And Toma- Toma went one step closer to going full Barto.

"Tch. Wit- no, right, I can't call you a witch; that's Jones." Zoro frowned. "We couldn't boot him off; not if he put up any level of resistance."

"Are you kidding me?" Toma was practically vibrating in place. He gestured wildly as he spoke; if he'd been from Earth, I would've suspected Italian ancestry. "Red-Haired Shanks is one of the Four Emperors who rule the seas beyond the Red Line! He used to be one of the greatest swordsmen in the world, on par with Hawk-Eyes Mihawk!" Then Toma's face fell. "But ten years ago he lost his left arm, and he hasn't duelled anyone since."

Luffy nodded at that, his face momentarily going dark. "Yeah… He lost it saving me. But Shanks is still the best!" The rubber boy's D-shaped grin returned.

"That is debateable," Mihawk muttered. He was soon all business again, herding us like we were children getting ready for school photos. "Alright everyone, line up by the rail. Two rows; tall people in the back, little ones in front."

"Not you, Fire Fist," the swordsman added when Ace positioned himself behind Luffy.

"But-!"

"I promised that drunkard pictures of Straw Hat's crew; while you may be his brother and sailing with them temporarily, you are _not_ a member."

"He could be if he wanted to," Luffy offered gleefully.

Ace removed himself from the frame as if his pants were on fi- no. That's not right. He _was_ fire- he probably wouldn't have noticed if his pants started burning. Let's try that again. Ace removed himself from the frame as if he was being chased by Garp. "Sorry Lu."

"Stingy."

"Would you like to include Nico Robin?" Mihawk asked innocently as we were trying to figure out who, exactly, counted as tall or short. As one, we all froze and turned to glare at him.

"You know who she is?" Zoro demanded. Mihawk nodded.

"Of course. She's had a bounty on her head for the past twenty years."

"Are you planning to try and take her?" Lisa asked sweetly, her paints suddenly at the ready. "Because she's one of us, so you can't have her. I have a new colour we can try out though, if we need to. I'm sure fuchsia would look lovely with your eyes."

"Colour?" Toma asked, confused. Right, he'd never seen Lisa fight. Zoro rested a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"I'll explain later. It's part of lesson two- fighting women."

Mihawk gazed down his nose at Lisa. "And _why_ would I want to 'take' your crewmate?"

That made the little painter cock her head to the side in confusion. "But… You work for the government, and Robin has a bounty…"

"I'm no more the government's errand boy than I am that drunkard's." Mihawk flinched. "Less, even. I have my own reasons for taking the position of Warlord; I will not go out of my way to serve their designs unless it also serves my own. You have my word, unless directly ordered, I will not lay a finger on your friend. And even so ordered… I may not be too quick to follow through."

"Okay…" Lisa continued mixing her paints dubiously.

Ace went below to see if Robin was willing to come back up for the picture. He returned a few minutes later, shaking his head. "She says it's too risky. Worried about what could happen if the marines got their hands on a copy of the picture."

"Aww…" Luffy pouted. The captain bounced where he sat, centered in the front row between Lisa and Toma.

I very carefully hid behind Sanji as everyone got into position. Ruatha wasn't with me; my dragon preened in the front row, blinking happily up at Mihawk. Attention-hog. But he could have it- I hated having my picture taken. Of course, Mihawk noticed. And apparently I wasn't the only one messing up his photography.

"Dragon Girl, come out where I can see you. Straw Hat, just because I call your swordsman a little rabbit doesn't mean you can do bunny ears behind his head. Long Nose, quit making faces- they aren't funny." Mihawk scowled. "Everyone behave. If I'm going to bother taking pictures of a bunch of rookies for that obnoxious drunkard, I'm going to do it right."

Cringing, I emerged from behind the cook as Luffy's hand snapped down. Usopp squeaked. I ended up squished in between Nami and Ghin; attempts to hide behind my brother earned me a glower from Mihawk. Merde… But I _hate_ having my picture taken! I slouched sullenly in my place, hands in my pockets.

Mihawk stared at us. "And you all need to smile," he said flatly.

That demand made Zoro scowl and Sanji huff. The cook bit down on his cigarette. "Where do you get off telling us what to do, Shitty Cross-Sword? Bad enough you're making us line up for photos like a bunch of shitty brats… You can't make us smile if we don't want."

"You _will_ smile," Mihawk snarled. "I will _not_ have this photograph ruined by your stubbornness."

He didn't use Haoshoku Haki- I don't think he could. But when you can draw and strike with a seven-foot sword fast enough to cut through a lock of Sanji's hair and sheath the blade before the cook can even flinch, you don't need Haki. Not to keep a bunch of Paradise rookies in line, at least. Everyone pasted smiles on their faces as a few strands of blond fell to the deck, even Ghin- although his looked more like a frightened dog baring its teeth.

Honestly, I imagine that most of our smiles looked more like grimaces or attempts not to shit ourselves in fear. They seemed to be good enough for Mihawk, though.

The visual den-den's shell flashed three times. Three pictures. Then Mihawk nodded, permitting us to move. Sort of. "Alright, now I want you to sit on that rail one by one for individual portraits."

" _WHAT?!_ " Everyone demanded in unison. Mihawk frowned.

"If I'm going to bother getting photos for that drunkard, I'm going to do it right. Which reminds me- where's your quartermaster? I need them to write down any of your adventures you think would interest a hungover nitwit."

"Isn't that something a chronicler would do?" Johnny asked quietly. Yosaku rolled his eyes.

"Bro, we don't _have_ one of those. And usually the captain would keep a log, but Big Bro Luffy… Yeah, no."

Mihawk shot the hunters a dirty look. They both squeaked and pointed at me.

I spent the next hour or so madly scribbling summaries of our adventures thus far into one of my many, many notebooks. I glanced up every once in a while as I did so, biting back snickers at the sight of Mihawk bullying my crewmates as if they were unruly children at school picture day. It was… weirdly adorable, how into it he was getting while still maintaining his calm, stoic expression.

Luffy- "Straw Hat, sit still!"

Zoro- "No, Little Rabbit, we aren't doing battle poses."

Nami- "Is that truly appropriate, Tangerine? This is a crew profile, not a centerfold."

Johnny and Yosaku- "Very well, Blue and Green. You may have your portrait together."

Sanji- "Please don't smoke while I'm trying to take pictures, Spirals. The haze distorts the image."

Ghin- "I understand you're frightened of me, Underdog. I'll make this as painless as I can."

Chopper- "Which form do you prefer, Little Doctor? I know you used your hybrid for the main photo- would you prefer a different one for your individual shot?" The reindeer ended up posing in Walk Point for his portrait.

Lisa- "Please stop looking at me like you want to paint my entrails, Little Rainbow. I don't want the pictures to frighten the drunkard, as amusing as that would be."

Usopp- "Hands down, Long Nose. I don't care how impressive you think it looks, I will not take a picture of you in a pose where I cannot see your face. Your father will be disappointed."

Drifter and Geier- "I would suggest not flaring your wings so much, Vulture; you're blocking out your partner's face. And Otter, as much as I appreciate the gesture, it's not appropriate to hold up a sign giving someone the finger when having your picture taken."

 _It's directed at you, not the drunkard you keep talking about. Hoser._ But Drifter _did_ lower the offending sign. Mihawk snorted and shook his head.

Toma- "Kitten, I know you're excited, but please stop staring that way. It's even more disturbing than Little Rainbow's glare; you'll scare that drunkard out of his wits."

Finally, just as I was finishing my notes, it was my turn. Ruatha climbed up onto my shoulders as I reluctantly made my way over to Mihawk. The world's greatest swordsman raised his eyebrows.

"Are you and the dragon not separate?"

"About as much as Drifter and Geier are." I gestured towards the Unluckies. Mihawk nodded his understanding.

"Of course. Well, in that case, please ask your dragon to stand beside you rather than on your shoulders? His head's clipping out of the frame."

"Ruatha, down." I clicked my tongue and pointed at the deck. Ruatha climbed down and stood at my side, tail wrapped loosely around my ankles. The visual den-den flashed.

Once the Shichibukai was happy with the quality of his pictures, I marched over and handed him the notebook of our adventures. He flipped through it quickly. "Thank you."

"No problem." I'd also written entries on all my crewmates, including their backstories. Whether or not this lead to a confrontation between the Red-Haired Pirates and Germa 66, I took no responsibility for. Probably wouldn't, anyway; Shanks seemed like he'd leave dealing with Sanji's family issues to Luffy.

Angular eyebrows rose. "I notice you didn't include any background on yourself besides that the crew saved you from drowning."

Zoro flinched, glancing at me before scowling at Mihawk. "Don't push it. We don't talk about Jones' backstory with outsiders. Something I just learned the reason for- the _hard_ way."

Mihawk's eyebrows rose further. "Something even more troublesome than-? I am intrigued, but for now I'll refrain from prying. And I suppose you would prefer everything in this dossier to remain secret from anyone but myself and Shanks?"

Part of me noted absently that this was the first time outside his story that Mihawk had referred to Shanks by name. His question drew Luffy's attention; my captain frowned at me.

"Jones, are you telling Shanks-?"

"No future stuff, don't worry, but backstories, aye. It probably won't be important, but he'll probably find them amusing, if nothing else." Actually, now that I thought about it, Shanks probably _would_ find the idea of Luffy's cook being a Vinsmoke prince hilarious. "I can add a note if you like, asking him not to take vengeance on anyone for… certain incidents, but I don't think he would anyway."

Luffy nodded. "Write it just in case. I don't want Shanks inr- int- doing stuff in our adventure without asking. That's _your_ job."

I flinched as I wrote out a non-interference clause for Shanks in the notes. Shaking his head, Luffy poked me in the cheek. "It was a _joke_ , Jones. You're one of us, so I don't mind you messing with stuff. But Shanks isn't. _He's_ not allowed to do stuff for us 'til we get to the end. He _can't_ \- I'm supposed to be a great pirate captain without his help, so I can return Hat with pride!"

Oh wow… I flinched again. "Sorry Captain- I don't always get those kinds of jokes. Part of my… issues."

Luffy thought about that for a minute, then nodded his understanding. "Ah. Okay. Sorry Jones."

"There's nothing to apologize for. You didn't know." Addendum finished, I handed the notebook back to Mihawk. Luffy frowned.

"But… You call me Captain when you're upset or serious. We're not in a fight or anything right now, so you don't need to be serious, which means you're upset and _I'm thinking again! Why do I keep thinking? Someone make it stop!_ " Face turning red, Luffy tugged his hat low over his ears as he pouted.

That was _adorable_. I smiled, patting my captain's shoulder. "Just think- soon you'll be learning chemistry with Johnny and Yosaku, and Chopper can show you how to extract DNA from a strawberry- oh! And then I'll teach you all about all the different types of poetry."

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Luffy bolted and jumped onto Ace's back, clinging to his older brother for all he was worth. "Ace, save me!"

"But I thought you didn't want anyone outside your crew interfering with your adventure?" the freckled pirate asked with a grin.

Luffy pouted. "You guys are _mean_."

Snickering, I turned back to Mihawk. "Oh- one more thing. When you see Shanks, could you deliver a personal message for me?"

Golden eyes bored into my skull. "I don't see why I should."

"Please? It's important."

"Then why not write it in the crew dossier?"

"Because it's not related to us as a crew- just between him and me. _Please?_ "

That word made the Warlord's face twitch. Apparently he was having drunk Shanks flashbacks. _Excellent_. "Very well. What is this message?"

My face morphed into a grin, scars twisting it into something crazed and manic. "More of a riddle, actually. _I've got a jar of dirt. Can you guess what's inside it?_ Tell him that, please, and that White Lion sends her regards."

"What?" His voice was completely flat, his face devoid of any major reaction, but Mihawk's eyes widened ever so slightly. I felt something beyond light and sound crackle, the sensation of someone's brain breaking in my vicinity. Oh, how I love that feeling. "And why, pray tell, should I tell him something so inane? What is the purpose? It's certainly no riddle _I've_ ever heard. What sort of _answer_ could it possibly have?"

"There _is_ no answer." My grin grew broader, displaying prominent canines. "The purpose of such a question is nothing more or less than to drive Red-Haired Shanks _absolutely bonkers_ trying to figure out what it means."

Blink. Blink. For a moment I worried that I'd broken Mihawk beyond being properly functional- something Zoro surely would've killed me for. Then, without warning, the Shichibukai threw back his head and _laughed_. "Wahhahhahhahhahha! Oh, that is _wonderful_ , Dragon Girl. Normally if someone suggested probing Shanks in such a way, I would warn them of the dangers of tickling a sleeping dragon. But you… As a member of Straw Hat's crew, you may be one of the people in this world safest from Red Hair's wrath. I will _enjoy_ watching him stew."

Toma stared at me, eyes full of a combination of fear and admiration. "You're needling a _Yonko?_ After-? Are you _insane?_ Do you _want_ to die?"

"Not anymore," was my automatic response, given without context. Two words, but they were enough to make Toma go pale and cover his hands with his mouth. Zoro placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"We'll explain later," the bosun promised.

Warm arms wrapped around me from behind, although there was no one standing there. And… It felt like they were happy. Smiling. I found myself leaning into the embrace, eyes closed, even though there wasn't actually anyone physically there. This led to me stumbling backwards into the rail with a sheepish chuckle.

Everyone else shook their heads, more-or-less used to my weirdness. Except Toma. The young swordsman twitched, staring at something just over my shoulder. Rubbing at the bandages on his arm, Toma murmured under his breath. "It's _blue_. What _is_ it, though? Feels different… Happier… Not dangerous… _Yet_. But- _double_ creepy… Dark blue and light… What does it mean?"

A massive burst of flame distracted everyone before anyone could ask what Toma meant. Green fire leapt sky high for a few seconds- thankfully it didn't damage anything, and it died down quickly. As one, everyone turned to find the source- even Mihawk.

Johnny, who'd been leaning over the rail by where the _Sable Cross_ was tied to the _Going Merry_ , yelped and jumped up in the air. The blue hunter fumbled almost theatrically as he tried to tuck an empty vial into his pocket before anyone could see. Since _everyone_ saw, his attempt was an abject failure.

Mihawk glared at Johnny, bright golden eyes narrowing to slits and glinting- it almost looked like his eyes could bore into the hunter's soul. " _What were you doing to my ship?_ "

"YEEP!" Johnny bolted to hide behind Yosaku. Since the green hunter looked like he might faint at Mihawk's glare, this likely wouldn't do anyone any good.

" _ **What were you doing to my ship?**_ " I've never heard someone's voice sound so dangerous without being raised as when Mihawk had to repeat his question. Johnny shook.

"I was- Ijustwantedtoknowwhatchemicalsyouwereusingtomaketheflamesgreen! Sorry!" Cowering, Johnny clutched the back of Yosaku's coat. The green hunter looked at Mihawk, then glanced back at his partner and whimpered.

Chopper shot Johnny a reproachful look, nose twitching. "You could've just asked me. I can smell them, you know."

"Yes, please do that next time." Mihawk's voice could've frozen blood- I think it _did_ , given the way Johnny seized in place. No Haki, just sheer intimidation. _Beautiful_.

Whining and nodding, Johnny looked over at Chopper with an inquiring noise. The little reindeer took a few deep sniffs. "Boric acid," he said eventually. "Mihawk's ship smells like a _lot_ of boric acid."

Bor-? Why was Mihawk burning roach killer? I looked at Chopper and opened my mouth; the doctor anticipated what I was going to ask. "Not just the candles- the whole thing. If his ship burned, the fire would be as green as Zoro's hair. It's worrisome… Too much boric acid can cause kidney damage. But I suppose if his food is properly sealed, it should be alright."

Mihawk's eye twitched. "Why are you analyzing me as if I'm not here?"

"Jones just does that sometimes," Nami informed him. "Never heard Chopper join her before, but since it's a chemical that could cause medical complications, I'm not really surprised."

Why would Mihawk's ship be covered in roach killer? There was no reason to do something like that. Unless… "Mihawk, do you have katsaridaphobia?"

The Warlord shrugged. "Not to my knowledge, although I've never heard the word before. What is it?"

"An intense, irrational fear of roaches."

A sharp intake of breath- from Mihawk, not me. All around me, the air suddenly went cold. Only within about three inches of my skin, though; everyone else seemed to be just fine. Shivers ran through my bones as Mihawk's eyes narrowed to tiny slits, a glare even more fearsome than the one he'd sent Johnny's way.

"I no longer like you."

Oh, I was _very_ glad right now that Mihawk had promised he wouldn't hurt us. Bad Jonesie… Accidentally figuring out a weakness of one of few possible Shichibukai allies was unnecessary and possibly dangerous. What was it with me and pissing off people we were supposed to be on good terms with? Just in case, I slowly edged behind Zoro. Didn't want Mihawk's hand to slip, now, did we? He may have promised not to hurt us, but accidents can happen.

"Hey, be nice!" Luffy shoved his way in front of Mihawk, arms folded. From not wanting to think to captain mode in a few short minutes. "Jones isn't tryna hurt you or nothing- she just knows lots of stuff about lots of people. She can't help it. That's what witches _do_."

"Witch… Where I come from, many witches were burned at the stake." Mihawk's flat delivery left it unclear whether this was a threat, or if he was just stating a fact. Either way, the mention of being burned made my skin twitch. The handprint-shaped scars on my shoulder blades stung.

"We won't tell anyone you're scared of roaches," Luffy promised. Mihawk's glare deepened, still pointedly focused on _me_.

"You had better not. The only ones who know this are members of either your crew, or Shanks'; if anything gets out, I'll know where to look."

Long coat swirling, the Shichibukai spun on his heel and leapt back down to his little boat. Luffy blinked in confusion. "Oi! Where're you going? Did Jones knowing about you scare you that much?"

"I'm not _scared_ , Straw Hat." Mihawk scowled at my captain this time. Unlike me and Johnny, Luffy didn't seem particularly affected. "As I said earlier, I was in this area to investigate the rumours of the cursed holy sword _Shichiseiken_. Meeting you was merely a questionably happy accident that allowed me to fulfill my obligation to that drunkard sooner. Now, even if you rookies say you've dealt with things, I should double check. While I don't doubt you are reasonably capable, my _personal_ expertise in the matter of sword lore will probably prove beneficial. Hopefully you didn't bungle anything with your well-meaning interference."

The _Sable Cross_ pulled swiftly away from the _Going Merry_ after that, heading towards Asuka Island. Once Mihawk's coffin-shaped boat was well away from us, Ghin let out a deep breath of relief. My brother sagged against the mast, looking as if he were about to collapse. One of the lines above him came undone, heavy hemp falling to lie across the rigger's head. He flinched at the impact, but otherwise didn't react.

"Never thought I'd see _him_ again," Ghin murmured, voice shaky. "Or that it'd be so damn _terrifying_ if I did. _Shit_."

Lisa trotted over and wrapped an arm tightly around his waist, working her way in under his arm. "I could use my paints, if you like-?" she offered hesitantly. Ghin shook his head.

"No, it's fine. I'll learn to deal with it. Not like we'll see him much, anyways." Hugging the little painter with one arm, Ghin scooped Chopper up in the other. The little doctor squeaked in surprise before cuddling against the rigger's shoulder.

Toma stared out after the _Sable Cross_ as it slowly disappeared, eyes wide with confused admiration. "We- we were just visited by Hawk-Eyes Mihawk. And he didn't kill us. He _took photos of us_ because _Red-Haired Shanks_ _ **asked**_ him to. This crew is so _weird_. It's _amazing!_ "

Luffy jerked a little bit, as if startled. "Oh yeah, you're here. That reminds me…" Bouncing over to Zoro, a broad grin on his face, Luffy swung one arm back and-

"FIST OF LOVE!"

Pasted Zoro into the deck. The bosun pried his face out of the wood with a groan; there were grain markings showing bright red on his cheek from the impact. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"

"Zoro didn't ask before bringing a new guy on the crew," Luffy said simply, still smiling. "I just forgot for a bit."

"Wait… Are you saying we have to take him back?" Zoro got back to his feet and cracked his neck. Disappointed, but resigned; if Luffy asked him not to take an apprentice, he wouldn't. His words drew a sharp intake of breath from Toma; the boy paled slightly and bit his lip.

Shaking his head, Luffy bounced across to sling an arm over Toma's shoulders. "Nope. I like him, so it's all good. 'Sides… If Zoro wants to be the greatest swordsman in the world someday, having an apprentice helps with that, ne? But I'm the captain, so Zoro still really should've asked first."

"Ah… Sorry about that." The corners of Zoro's mouth quirked up in a small smile.

Face lighting up like the sun, Toma gave Luffy a forceful hug. It didn't last long, though; the young swordsman quickly jumped backwards, looking horribly embarrassed- and a bit nervous, too. "It's purple," he muttered under his breath, "Why is it purple?"

"Purple?" Sanji frowned at Toma in confusion. "What's purple, Shitty Kit?"

"I- I'm not sure," Toma said dazedly. "I'll… I'll get back to you when I figure it out."

Sanji looked like he was about to push the young swordsman anyway, figure out why he kept talking about colours. But Toma looked uncomfortable and distracted, rubbing at his bandaged arm as he glanced from me to Luffy to Chopper. "Light blue… Purple… Pink… What are they?"

Before Sanji could press, I stepped in and grabbed the cook by one arm. In part it was to distract him, and in part because I needed his help with something. Really, I should've asked a while ago; pretty sure I thought about it at some point, but then things happened and distracted me.

"Sanji, come on. I need you to teach me how to make cherry pie."

Luffy, and Usopp whimpered and grabbed each other's hands. Nami paled; Zoro looked nauseous. Sanji stared at the four of them, one eyebrow rising as he huffed.

"What's the problem? Shitty Captain… I know you've said Jones isn't allowed to cook, but why're you so freaked out about it?"

"Near toxic levels of ginger," Zoro grumbled. Luffy and Usopp nodded like bobbleheads in agreement.

The cook apparently took that as a challenge, even though it didn't sound like one to me. "I can teach anyone how to cook, Shitty Moss. Just wait- by the time I'm through with her, Jones'll be able to make a pie so good even a shithead like you won't be able to find anything to complain about."

Sanji began to drag me towards the galley- which I found funny, given that that was what I'd been about to do to him. Chopper watched us as we went, head cocked to the side in confusion. "I don't get it… Jones, why do you need to learn to make cherry pie?"

"For the same reason I need enough apple seeds to kill a man thrice over from cyanide poisoning. I'll have to powder those tonight; not sure how long's left 'til we get there. We'd probably _already_ be there if my writer hadn't decided to do a couple movies- I'm behind. Then again, she probably wrote me that way 'cause she knew it didn't matter." Oh! And I had an idea cake! "Also, Johnny, Yosaku- before we get to the next island, I need you two to make a few mines."

"Mines?" the hunters asked in unison, baffled. I nodded.

"Yes, mines. Things that go boom and shoot chemicals everywhere when someone steps on them hard enough. They don't have to be very sensitive, though; actually, it's better if they're not. The guy we'll be fighting is pretty big- like, eleven feet tall and probably _really_ heavy- so if they're kinda sturdy, we won't set them off, but he will. Or, well, some of us might, but given our fighting styles, the only ones who would are Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Ghin, and maybe me, and I think we could all survive a mine or two. So it should be fine."

Johnny and Yosaku blinked; Usopp sighed and saluted. "Don't worry Jones! These two may not understand what you're talking about, but I, the Great Usopp, have just the thing to guide them! So, how many do you want?"

"As many as you can make." I grinned broadly, scars twisting my face as I put prominent canines on display. My gaze automatically drifted to Ace. "After all, there's no kill like overkill. Sesehihihihihi!"

 **A/N: It was brought to my attention by a Guest on FFN after the last chapter that I misused honorifics when attempting to give Robin a little bit of a Russian flavour in the last chapter. Apparently the terms "Gospodin" and "Baryshnya" are outdated and, in the case of Baryshnya, sarcastic and/or mildly insulting in the modern lexicon. I apologize for not knowing this; I have no friends or family who speak Russian that I could've asked. While I believe that this actually fits with what Robin is currently trying to do by using them- she wishes to distance herself from the crew before she becomes too attached- I won't do it again if it bothers people. Additionally, it raises an issue that I probably should have thought of before.**

 **As this fic progresses, I would like to be able to give certain characters and islands a little bit of cultural flavour from similar nations in the real world, like I did with making Drum Kingdom more like Canada- with fewer stereotypes and parodic moments, of course. Self-deprecating humour is often a part of Canadian culture, so it was appropriate there, but that would not always be the case.**

 **So I would like to ask your help, dear readers.**

 **If you don't mind, I'm putting out an open call for advice. I have certain languages and cultures I would like to include in my attempt at adding some familiar flavours as I expand the** _ **One Piece**_ **world, and I would ask the assistance of readers who are knowledgeable about those cultures. So, please… If you live in one of these places, or have studied the culture, would you help me? If you have any advice on what to do or not do in order to represent a culture respectfully, exclamations or idioms, celebrations or decorations, anything at all that you think would be useful in writing, I would very much appreciate your help, whether in a comment or a PM.**

 _List of Cultures I would like to Write (so far):_

 _Ancient Aztec (yeah, I know this'll be more "study" than "live")- Shandorans_

 _Italy (specifically, Venice)- Water 7_

 _Russia- Robin_

 _Austria- Brook_

 _Spain- Ace; Mihawk; Kuraigana Island_

 _Japan (probably specifically Bakumatsu era or similar)- Wano Country; Zoro; Toma_

 _France- Sanji; Vinsmokes and Germa 66_

 _Portugal- Going Merry_

 _Ancient Rome (again, more "study" than "live")- Dressrosa_

 _Germany- Totland (with different islands having the flavour of different states, if possible)_

 _Australia- surprise (spoiler!)_

 _Scotland- Tontatta Kingdom_

 **I am sorry if this offends anyone; that was not my intention. What I wish to do is use the vibrant cultures of this world to expand on those we've caught glimpses of through Oda-sensei's writing.**

 **And of course, if anyone has any ideas that are not on the list, please feel free to comment or PM me with suggestions. *bows deeply* I thank you all for your tolerance and assistance.**


	28. Omake the Fourth

**E.D99: XD**

 **starelight: Thank you very much! And yes, he can. Sort of. He can *see*, but he still doesn't know what it *is*.**

 **Anime no Akuma: Thank you very much. And yes, she *has* been planning it for some time.**

 **gamelover41592: Thank you. ^_^**

 **Theburper: Ah. Sorry for misunderstanding.**

 **Awareness Bringer: Eheh... Sorry... And thanks.**

 **Draco Oblivion: Thank you very much! And congratulations on guessing right! Jones doesn't look the *youngest*— she's clearly older than Lisa, Chopper, and Toma— but she *does* look about eight or nine years younger than she actually is. But hey— she'll appreciate that when she's in her 50s and 60s!**

 **Akashic Records: Wow... *is buried under mountain of facts* Thank you very much! I'm sure some of these will be very helpful!**

 **Keiolsha: Thank you very much. And Mihawk... I never saw him truly as an enemy. He doesn't actively dislike the Straw Hats or want them dead— in TRL at least, he finds them amusing and kind of cute, in a slightly aggravating way. He's just obligated to fight them if theycome too close to important government stuff because of his position as a Warlord.**

 **NightmareKnight1: Yeah, you're not the only one to suggest that Dressrosa is more Spanish than Roman. Now moving towards "Spanish with some Roman influence" in my mind, which I think I can get away with since the Romans once owned large areas of Spain. As for Toma... You're on the right track, but not quite. Thank you very much!**

 **Bombadilo Baby: Thank you very much. And don't worry— they have a little more time before getting to Jaya to practice. You're right— The Pie alone won't cut it.**

 **Lightsbane1905: Thank you very much. And I agree, under most circumstances, Sanji wouldn't allow it. But it's possible that if need was dire enough, in the exact right circumstances...**

 **Tactition101: Thanks. And... Not exactly.**

 **Wowza48: Thank you very much. *bows***

 **Antiguo: Thanks for the offer, but I don't have Dropbox. And I have a lot of roleplaying books on fantasized versions of different cultures already, if you think those are good places to get information. I'd probably verify anything in them before using it, though.**

 **Unca Bob: Thanks. Yeah, I need a bit of silliness every once in a while. And yes, Jones *could* use her powers to do that. It wouldn't be easy, and it'd require some good, waterproof boots, but it's possible.**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you very much. ^_^**

 **Azurai Wolf: *laughs* Thanks. And I'll probably write that snippet someday— but I won't say when.**

 **WhiteDogwood: *grins* Yes. Someday I will be having *lots* of fun with Dials.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thanks. Sometimes, everyone needs a little craziness, I think.**

 **Lalang: Hmmm... Maybe. But Aztec works better with the whole thing with a city of gold and giant snakes worshipped as gods, I think.**

 **Avisian: Thanks! As far as culture... I was thinking of using highland culture, which I know a *little* bit about already.**

 **Ligergeo: Thanks for the suggestions. And yes, Greek culture would probably work for Amazon Lily— they had legends of Amazons, and I can fill in any gaps with Spartan culture, I think.**

 **FairyGirl960: Thank you very much.**

 **MajorCartooniac: Thanks for the offer. I will at some point, if I haven't already.**

 **Leikiz: Thank you.**

 **Sage McGavin: Bing bing bing! We have a winner! Yep, that's at least part of what Toma's seeing.**

 **The Pyro Jawsome: I decided to make Robin Russian because that's her canon real world ethnicity— word of Goda. It's in one of the SBS questions. Sorry...**

 **CV12Hornet: *makes note to wait longer after next cliffhanger so Senpai actually has to wait for revelation***

 **AnerianJames: 1) If you didn't expect that, it means I did it right. Thanks! 2) And what do you think the Australian spoiler is, praytell?**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thanks. And I'll be writing a snippet about that someday-not sure when, though. As far as cultures... I'll probably message people more as I get to the points of using certain cultures, so everything's fresher in my mind. Thanks for the offer, and the advice!**

 **Sideshowmail: Thank you very much! And I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait a bit longer— Jaya is taking longer than anticipated. Sorry...**

 **chi akume: Thank you very much!**

 **Outcast001: Thank you very much! And Jones' mindset has always been a balance between "make sure my friends are safe," "actively screw certain aspects of the plot," and "keep certain major events similar so I still know what's going on." Although the last becomes less important to her after Jaya.**

 **Briereader: / Thank you very much! *bows***

 **MABalas: Thanks. Afraid you'll still be waiting a while, though. Sorry...**

 **dinno: I'll write it someday, never fear. *add Mihawk to the list of people Jones has been shipped with, sighing and chuckling ruefully***

 **sdkop21: Thank you very much. I'm doing my best.**

 **Artful Lounger: Answered in a PM because you don't intend to read anymore. Bye.**

 **Tiana price 184: Working on it. Sadly, Jaya is taking a while. But it'll be *good* once it's done, hopefully. *bows* I ask for your patience a while longer.**

 **Kmbrun: *sheepish expression* Sorry. I know it was silly— not everyone's cup of tea.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: Hmmm... Not sure yet where I might be able to use those cultures. Except England. I've always found Law to be a bit English— although that might just be due to his method of transport...**

 **Maximusace89: Not *exactly*, but close. Very close. I hope I can live up to your expectations of awesomeness.**

 **Adser: Answered in a PM because you don't intend to read any more. Bye.**

 **tanithlipsky: Thanks.**

 **kimchi759: *buried under pile of massive reviews* Thank you very much! I hope you'll excuse me if I only manage to address a few things— you've brought up quite a few points, and if I go over them all, this reply might be longer than this chapter. I'm not shying away from making Jones good— she's me, and I'm well aware that when I'm not having trouble with my anxiety, I am awesome. The Mary Sue thing was just supposed to be an opener for her Medium Awareness, nothing more. Sorry about Ghin's name, the occasional corniness, and the romanized Japanese. That last one, though... Because of the way I was trained at karate and ninjutsu, the romanized Japanese is accurate to how I think (for internal narration purposes), and I'm working it into other aspects of the story as part of my worldbuilding thing. Sorry. I dislike my version of Vivi too— I was trying to do something with her, but it just wasn't working, and the end result was her becoming a brat with a bit of a narrow mind. I'm scared to try and fix it, though— I think I might just make it worse. Jones acted as a doormat for her because she knew Vivi was plot-important, and being a doormat is the only way Jones knows of keeping the peace. And your concerns about the way Luffy acts in regards to Jones' anxiety— I admit that some of those situations are definitely cringy. I was unsure how to make him act, and that uncertainty probably comes across clearly. To the hug specifically— that's how my real-world friends have tried to help with *my* anxiety, so I was just writing what I know. Not everyone Jones meets is going to be/has been antagonistic, and those who are sometimes have good reason, even if I only imply it rather than stating it. Ace, for example, thought Jones had kidnapped his brother and was working with Blackbeard. As far as what you've said about misogyny— you seem to be reading my story through a very feminist perspective. While you're certainly free to do so, I'm afraid you'll find more cringy moments that way. I don't think about a character's gender when writing what they do or say, unless doing so is either funny, or would be important for a physical reason (like if a female character was feeling poorly because they were having a period, for example). And Jones is stereotypically anti-femme because *I* am, in a lot of ways. That said, I do agree that sometimes the way I write Luffy can come off as jackass-ish, depending on interpretation. Keep in mind, though, in canon he was none too gentle or polite about recruiting some members— downright blackmailed Zoro. In short— I*am* sorry for at least some of the things that bother you, and I'm glad that despite them, you've found enough enjoyable in my story to keep reading. Thank you.**

 **Isafish: Thanks. And you're right— Robin's techniques are named in a mix of French and Spanish. But Oda-sensei has canonically said her real-world nationality would be Russian, so I'm giving her and Ohara in general a bit of Russian culture too. Or trying to, at least.**

 **vbarriol: Sorry. You're not the only one to say something like that. Luckily, I've also been told Rome once owned large parts of Spain, so I have ways to remedy my initial issue while still keeping the flavour I like for the coliseum. Sorry if this bothers people.**

 **Vikingr A/N: So, as you may or may not know, Twelve Red Lines is also posted on Spacebattles. A few friends on that site have written omakes for the story, and since Jaya is taking so long for me to finish, I got permission from said friends to repost the omakes here to give you something to tide you over a bit while I continue to work on it. *bows* Sorry, dear readers, for taking so long to move on with the plot. I hope you find these stories as amusing— and in some cases, adorable— as I did.**

SpokenSoftly omake: A Spectacularly Circumstantial Idea

It is, under almost all circumstances, a terrible idea to use the most potent of her abilities. It would, after all, be a suicide attack that wasn'tquiteassured to kill anyone important enough to use it on. But for wide-area devastation, which was precisely what this situation called for? Perfect.

"Hello, Mariejois," she said, her voice and face broadcast to every corner of the world as her executioners wound back their blades. She touched her hand to her forehead in a mocking salute. "Goodbye, Mariejois."

And she negated her body's Nuclear Force.

1Coltsguy omake: Meanwhile at Water 7— HMS Johnny/Yosaku

Me: Sir I have an urgent report for you.

Iceburg: An urgent report? You've never given me a report that you've deemed urgent.

Me: Well, we have a confirmation.

Iceburg: *narrows his eyes* Report. Now.

Me: Yes sir.

Iceburg: ...So... We have a confirmation... In a new setting no less.

Me: Indeed we do. Well, new for you. I've been keeping an eye out and had started the one on my own. You know... Project 47-B?

Iceburg: I had wondered about that. So, is it complete?

Me: Almost. I need to have a few touches put on it that will take about half a day if I get some dedicated manpower on it since I'm still working on the ships for Perona over in Cross' area.

Iceburg: Take who you need. YosakuxJohnny will be setting sail immediately. Anything else to report?

Me: Well, given the fact that Jones can have different preferences at any time, and the point that was made by Ghin in reference section alpha, it's quite possible that she may have been ogling and not even realized it herself.

Iceburg: *suddenly covering his nose* I see. So she's-

Me: Actually, her mindset is quite fluid in that regard. As such, she could potentially find love with anyone be they male, female, or whatever Charlotte Lin Lin's body turns out to be.

Iceburg: Are you saying-

Me: No! No I'm not saying that she could end up with Lin Lin. Just that Lin Lin might be some amalgamation of different species and genders that came to resemble a human. Nothing else.

Iceburg: And you think Jones could fall in love with someone like that?

Me: *takes out his note that Jones already has a boyfriend outside of One Piece for a moment and puts it back in his pocket* I think it's possible. a true shipper has to follow those rules in order to thrive after all and we're about to let a male on male ship sail so why not something even more different? Hell, I'm not even getting into Ivankov.

Iceburg: As you shouldn't. That person is too complicated to have a discussion over without using alcohol and lawyers to talk about their rights. Just get the personnel you need to finish the ship and get back to work.

Me: Yes sir.

1Coltsguy Omake: Meanwhile at Water 7— The Girls

Me: Sir a report for you.

Iceburg: ...More girl on girl shenanigans eh?

Me: Like I told you before: fluid mind there and open minds here. It's always within the realm of possibility and there is no indication that Robin wouldn't be interested.

Iceburg: It's all about the mentality at play. It could flow into either scenario at any time.

Me: Plus the line Nami gave off seemed to imply that if enough money came her way she could loosen her stances. Though I think it would have to be quite the sum.

Iceburg: I doubt it but I won't stop you from dreaming.

Me: Glad to hear it sir.

Iceburg: Now then... unless there is anything else?

Me: Not particularly.

Iceburg: Then head back to the dock and continue the modifications.

Me: Yes sir. *mumbling* I wonder how much it would take?

tearlessNevermore Omake: 'Twas the Dragon of Christmas

The Grand Line was a mercurial and brutal place. As its mood shifted, the various denizens who skittered along its surface scrambled to survive as nature twisted in defiance of all natural laws.

Everyone who knew anything of the Grand Line could tell tales of the warped magnetic field that foiled any efforts at navigation, of the tumultuous weather that could turn from hail to drought to thunder in minutes.

Those who were more versed in the Grand Line's storied lore and the scarce logs of the hardy souls who had strayed from the beaten track could tell of other, more eerie tales.

Of flying islands and colossal monsters that faded into mist. Of places where time and space came apart in a manner inexplicable by any Devil Fruit. The fabled Rainbow Mists were as much a cause for study as alarm, with their curious chronology-warping presence.

But in the aeons that had passed since the wonders of the Void Century had been consigned to oblivion, only a scant few souls had learned of one of the more dramatic and awesome phenomena.

Ruatha cracked one eye open.

The ship was quiet, unnaturally so. There was no creaking of timbers or ship-rocking snores. All was still.

Many a child would have been unnerved to wake and find their family so locked in stasis. But Ruatha wasn't really a child. They were young and infantile, for sure, but they were also ancient and experienced on a level none other than a fellow Millennial Dragon, or possibly Zunisha, could comprehend.

Ruatha stole away from his mother until he was beneath the sky. There, they stopped and watched for a long moment. No matter how many times they lived, there were some sights that remained equally as awesome each time.

Whatever plans the Grand Line had had in store for the night, it had placed them to one side in favour of a glimmering display of aurorae that the dragon knew were visible everywhere on the planet.

Ruatha's wings were still immature and ill-suited for flight, especially for any length of time. But on that particular night... certain rules were bent.

Directing a silent apology towards his family, even though he knew no harm would come to them, Ruatha took to the skies.

His brethren were there also, occasionally calling out in greeting to those they passed. As times and bodies changed, those calls were the sole reliable means of identifying each other, of finding old friends, old mates... and old foes. On that night, thankfully, all rivalries were on hold. They had a job to do.

It took many long flights to gather what he needed, but Ruatha was patient and had all the time in the world.

The dragons never saw the people who laid bundles of wrapped gifts outside their houses, or knew how they knew what was needed. Every year, without fail, there were packages of books, of toys, of food and other odds and ends carefully prepared and left waiting for collection. Across the four Blues and throughout the length of the Grand Line, untold millions of them.

In past lives, Ruatha could have carried aloft entire troves of gifts, their weight and bulk insignificant next to their might. Now, he struggled aloft with just a parcel or two at a time. But he managed.

One by one, he conveyed the parcels to their destinations. It was harder than they could remember ever finding it before, but also far more rewarding. Now they knew the people behind the sleeping faces. Knew how they laughed and cried and fought. Knew what the precious cargo would mean to them.

And then, at last, he landed on the deck one last time. Even while the rest of the world slept, Ruatha thought that Merry could tell what had happened. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. The fact remained that the freshly-painted figurehead seemed to be smiling wider than before.

Ruatha slunk back under cover and curled up in a ball. Outside, the sky's glow was fading, as he knew it would, and with it went the last of his energy.

The sky went dark and he slept.

"Ruatha seems very tired this morning," Jones said, frowning slightly as she poked the slumbering dragon. "What were you doing? Staying up all night trying to fly?"

"Couldn't have been, big sis," Johnny said, popping his head around the doorframe. "I was on watch with Yosaku last night. Even if we did get a bit... distracted at one point, we would have noticed if anything had happened. Ruatha isn't the quietest around."

"I suppose that's true. Sesehihihihihi! Sleep in a bit then, Ruatha. I'm sure you'll be soaring about soon enough. I know I'm looking forward to it."

With a smile and a wave at the little dragon still curled up, Jones made her way onto the deck, where she was to discover that the Grand Line appeared to boast Santa Claus as one of its many mysteries.

The door swinging shut, Ruatha cracked an eye open and let out a short huff before dozing off again.

"Hei lost niid zaak. Loraan Yuul svaangein."

 **Vikingr A/N: I'm sorry if people are bothered by the short burst of omakes. I, personally, love them, and want to say how honoured and grateful I am. And also to apologize to all you lovely readers for how long Jaya is taking. I'm not dead, and I'm not dropping this fic, I promise. This next arc is just taking longer than I thought. Well... That, and I'm going back and making some changes that have been suggested in a couple previous chapters. Hopefully it'll be worth it when I'm done. I thank you for your patience.**


	29. Rising Action

**Rising Action: a series of events building towards the point of greatest interest.**

 **LittleAngel2292: Yes, Mihawk. ^_^**

 **Gamelover41592: Thanks.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thanks. I'll still be trying to update faster in the future. Just... Had a lot going on, the last few months.**

 **Krazyfanfiction1: / Thank you very much.**

 **Sideshowmail: Thank you for your understanding. Here's Jaya.**

 **trilbybard: Thanks! And thanks for all the information about Roman culture.**

 **ClairvoyantMarauder: Don't worry about long reviews— I think they're wonderful! Thanks!**

 **Luffylover: Thank you very much. Hope your reread is all caught up though, cause it's go time!**

 **AnerianJames: True, very true.**

 **Guest (January 6): *is covered in bunnies and kittens* Thank you! And you're welcome!**

 **JOtakuAnime: Can't find a door? Sorry, I'm confused... Although from the emoticon you left, I take it this is a good thing?**

 **Dragondancer81: You need wait no longer.**

 **FairyGirl960: And here it is.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Jones will never quite be managing that, but her powers are scary enough without it, ne?**

 **Sage McGavin: You win... Ruatha snuggles! *baby dragon poofs over to hug you***

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: That would be an interesting omake idea, yes. I might try it someday...**

 **AckSed: Eheh... Sorry? And thanks.**

 **Insanity Lord: Don't worry, that's not how Jones' story is going to end.**

 **Modnartenstein: I agree... Every once in a while, I've been slipping up on characterization. I'm trying to do better, but sometimes things still slip through the cracks. Thank you very much!**

 **ShinigamiMaster: Thank you very much! And it is indeed GO TIME!**

 **tanithlipsky: It was Ruatha wishing everyone a merry Christmas. Sorry...**

 **The Pyro Jawsome: No, not bad. *protects your head from smacks***

 **deant33: Rectify? There are more ways to get someone's attention than simply with a large bounty. Rest assured, Patient and I have everything well under control as far as attracting the interest of characters such as Law and Jinbe. But yes, when the Straw Hats get bounties, they'll be pretty enormous. After all... Won't the government be scared when they realize that not only was such a powerful pirate crew flying under the radar, they occasionally approached the marines for funding?**

 **Awareness Bringer: It did. But I can get it back easily enough. Thanks, though.**

 **A/N: I'm back! Sorry it took so long, everybody— a lot of things have been coming up the last couple months. Family stuff, work stuff, depression stuff... But it should be all settled now, and hopefully I can get back to updating a little more frequently again.**

 **Also, I've made some changes to a few of my old chapters. Chapters Dramatic Irony, Chorus, and Alliteration have seen some tweaking— especially Alliteration, which has a whole new scene— which went up around when I posted this chapter, so if you haven't read those since before February 18, 2018, you might want to reread. Later than that, though, and you're probably good.**

"Jones…" Sanji asked cautiously, "What are you doing?"

"Trying to figure out how to fold an egg." I stared at the small, white object in my hand intently, wondering what folding an egg meant. It couldn't mean _actual_ folding- you can't fold something so round and brittle.

"But you don't _need_ to fold an egg for this recipe." The cook reached over to the bowl where I'd been making the pie filling a few minutes ago. Tasting it, he frowned. "Jones… What does a _dash_ of salt mean where you come from?"

"Eh?" Distracted from my egg considerations, I glanced up at Sanji. "It means just a little bit. So I just sort of… flicked the shaker like this to get a little bit out." I demonstrated the motion with my egg.

Skin smacked against skin as Sanji facepalmed. "That's _way_ too much. Ergh…" The cook dragged his hand down his face. "Look, I hate admitting defeat to that shitty swordsman, but it's been over a week and you're not getting any better. If the island you're expecting's close, you're never gonna learn in time. Look… Whatever you need cherry pie for, just let me do it."

"It's not something you can do." I put the egg down on the counter. My voice was low; I couldn't look Sanji in the eye. "Not something you _would_ do. Please don't ask me why. You won't like the answer- or me, afterwards."

Sanji's visible eye went dark. He stared at me for a minute before giving a slow shake of his head. "It's not that hard to guess. Something I'd be mad about, and all those apple seeds… You're gonna poison a bastard, aren't you?"

"Ideally, aye." I shrank in on myself, waiting for an explosion. And Sanji certainly looked angry. Brow creased, bangs casting shadows over his face, one foot tapping on the floor in agitation. He let out a loud huff- then _slammed_ the foot that had been tapping into my side. I tumbled across the galley, nauseous, ribs afire, rolling to a stop upside down against a table leg.

" _Why?_ "

Just one word, full of accusation. I flinched and opened my mouth; Sanji's stare hardened. "And don't give me any of that 'no spoilers' shit. That may be fine most times, but for something like this… If you're gonna do something like _that_ , when you _know_ I hate misusing or wasting food, you better have a damn good reason."

That- That was fair. That was _more_ than fair. That was _far_ better than what I would've expected- I hadn't planned to tell Sanji if I could avoid it because I _knew_ he'd flip his lid. I'd expected _far_ more than a single kick, to be honest… Although more could be on the way. At least this way I got a chance to explain. My ass was probably still grass for messing with the sacred domain that was the kitchen, though…

"There's a man on Jaya that both Ace and I want to kill," I began. A weight grew in my chest; breathing became difficult. "A man we _need_ to kill. And this is our only chance."

Sanji began tapping his foot again; the cook leaned in a bit, so there was nowhere else for me to look. "Keep going."

I gulped. "His name is Marshall D. Teach- Blackbeard. He tried to kill one of Ace's crewmates. Would have succeeded, but apparently my accidentally warning people meant Thatch survived. And," I took a deep breath, fighting against the weight in my chest, "And if we don't kill him on Jaya, Blackbeard's actions will directly lead to Ace's death, as well as Whitebeard's."

"White- You mean this guy can kill _the strongest man in the world?_ " Sanji's visible eye bulged in surprise. "And you think you can _poison_ him?"

"Not _just_ poison," I said quietly. "That's part of it, but… I'm not stupid enough to think that'll work by itself. But it'll help. With that, and the mines, and help from Ace and his crew- some of them are coming to meet us… I think we can do it. We _have_ to do it."

The muscles in my neck and jaw clenched involuntarily. My eyes burned. "We _have to_ ," I repeated bitterly. Looking up at Sanji, I had to fight hard to keep the tears from falling. "I'm _not_ letting Ace die… Not letting Luffy go through six layers of Hell, fight his way through a world-scale _war_ and poisons that will shave _years off his life_ only to have his brother _die in his arms_ when _none of us are there to help him_."

Shuddering, the cook took a step back. "We wouldn't- why wouldn't we be there?"

My eyes were burning more intensely, my throat constricting; I rubbed my face on my arm in annoyance. My sleeve came away wet. "At Sabaody… At the Sabaody Archipelago, the crew was separated. Everyone was sent to different places, one by one, scattered around the world. Even- Even working together, you couldn't protect each other. It took _two years_ for the crew to get back together again. Two years where Luffy had to deal with his brother's death _alone_."

"Shit…" Sanji lit a cigarette with shaking hands. He didn't say anything for a few long minutes, just smoking and staring. I was too upset about other things to comment, or to try and avoid the smoke. Of course, that just made breathing harder.

"So…" I asked tentatively, "Is my reasoning good enough that you won't kick my ass from here to Pluto?"

"Where's- no, not important." Sanji shook his head. "Fuck, I- _shit_. Jones- Jones, you're _crying_."

I reached up with both hands, wiping away hot wetness. The burning in my eyes was getting worse; now that they'd spilled over, the tears wouldn't stop. Biting back a croak, I hid my face in my hands. _Tabarnak_. This- This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to cry in front of people, wasn't supposed to be weak. But somehow, thinking back on what would happen if we didn't deal with Teach…

It had been bad enough when they were just characters in a beloved manga- and I'd cried _then_. No way was I letting it happen now that they were _real_ people- real _friends_. Not when I could change things.

Something warm brushed over my cheeks, as if someone was trying to wipe away my tears. I glanced up, but Sanji was too far away to be touching me- and I'd had my face in my hands, anyway, so he wouldn't have been able to. Invisible arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind.

Sanji took a few deep breaths. "This- This is big. Shit. I guess… Maybe just this once… Fuck, poisons were always my shitty sister's thing."

"You don't have to do anything." I shook my head, my voice thick with tears. "That's- That's why I wanted to learn- I didn't want you to have to get involved. Didn't want you to have to compromise…"

The cook levelled a flat look in my direction. "But you can't. Even if we could get your shitty cooking up to scratch, you wouldn't be good enough to hide the taste of the shitty cyanide. No…" Sanji sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "No, it has to be me."

"Sorry…" I cringed, curling into myself and biting the inside of my cheek. Sanji sighed again.

"Shit… I know you're just trying to protect people, but… Just, _shit_." The cook was at a loss for words. He sighed for a third time, shaking. "This one time- Just this once, I'll do it. But you _sure as Hell_ better make sure we win, got it? If I'm gonna… _Shit._ "

"Don't worry." I fought to keep my voice even- it was caught somewhere between a growl and a croak. "Blackbeard's _not_ getting out of this alive. Not with what I've been planning, the way I've been setting things up. The only problem is separating him from his crew…" That was the one thing I'd never been able to figure out. It would make life so much easier if I could, though.

Nodding, Sanji sat down. His face was dark. "Go- Go train or something. Make sure everything's ready, that you're absolutely _sure_ we can beat this shithead."

"San-?" I reached out, unsure, wanting to comfort the cook but not knowing what to do. Head snapping up, he glared at me.

"Just _go_. I need to be alone for a bit." A single blue eye flashed with annoyance as the atmosphere suddenly got _heavy_. I nearly jumped out of my skin. Letting out a startled yelp, I bolted from the galley before the cook could decide that he _was_ upset enough over the idea of poisoning Teach to kick my ass.

The door slammed shut behind me with a hollow, wooden bounce.

Out on the deck, the difference in atmosphere was jarringly apparent. No one was worrying about poisons or Teach or the Paramount War. No… Out here the sun was shining, Ghin was sewing, Ace and Luffy were playing tag, Johnny and Yosaku had managed to light an aluminum bucket on fire, and Zoro was training with a starry-eyed Toma.

"Again!" the bosun barked. He only had one sword drawn, to better match his student- _Yubashiri_ , I noted idly.

"Hai Sensei!" Toma rushed at Zoro with great enthusiasm. The boy jumped high in the air, flipping over as he soared, before bringing his sword down towards Zoro with a heavy two-handed strike. "Ryutsuisen!"

There was a loud clash of steel on steel as Zoro blocked, knocking Toma backwards. The small swordsman landed unsteadily on his feet, skidding across the deck to come to a halt by the mast. His shoes left marks on the wood, like the ones you sometimes see on the floors of high school gymnasiums.

"Better." Zoro nodded his approval as he sheathed his sword. "You do surprisingly well for wielding a blade that's far too long."

Toma bit his lip and let out a sheepish chuckle. "Yeah… Saga-sensei always said I'd grow into it, but… I haven't. Not yet, anyway."

"Well, you're what? Thirteen? You've still got time." Zoro smirked. "And do you know what makes you grow up tall and strong?"

"What, Sensei?"

"Push ups. Lots of them. Now, down and gimme… How many did Saga usually make you do?"

Biting his lip, Toma thought for a minute. "Didn't do them too often… Probably… Sixty?"

"Then we're doing eighty." So saying, Zoro got down on the deck with his student. Muscle and bone creaked quietly as they began. "One, two, three, four, five, six…"

A small hand slipped into mine- Lisa, just emerging from belowdecks. The painter giggled and shook her head at our swordsmen and their antics. "If that was true," she said quietly, "you'd be at least as tall as Robin."

"Brat…" I tousled Lisa's hair affectionately, forcing a smile to cover my misgivings about getting Sanji involved against Teach. No sense in worrying her. "I'm still taller than you, aren't I? And you do hardly any. What're you up to, about ten at a time?"

Lisa stuck out her tongue. "You're taller than me 'cause you're _old_. And I can do _fifteen_. Besides, I don't _need_ to do lots of push ups- I fight with my paints, not my fists."

"Yeah, but Luffy told me to make sure you could fight and stuff if you needed to. What if you run out of paint?"

"Then I'll run," the little girl said simply. "I haven't been slacking off at _that_. I nearly caught Usopp this morning!"

"Heh. Good girl." Hmm… That was a thought, actually. Lisa was small, non-threatening- who suspects a little girl? And with her paints… I think I just found a solution to the problem of Teach's crew. "Hey, Lisa, do you have any paints that would be good for keeping a bunch of bloodthirsty madmen away from us while we take out their captain?"

She thought for a moment. "I could do a Svefnthorn Bindrune that combines Calming Green, Hallucination Hot Pink, and Forgetful Fuchsia- it's a new colour I've been working on," Lisa explained when I shot her a confused look. "Or there's always good old Betrayal Black if you wanted to make them help us."

My mouth fell open with a hiss. How had I not-? Because she'd never used it that I'd seen, either against or in service to the crew. My memory of the comics was getting muddled, slipping, against the far more vivid memories of things as they'd happened to me.

It was a good thing I'd written all my charts at the beginning of the journey. I _think_ they had everything important in them.

"That is _perfect_ ," I hummed. Picking Lisa up, I spun her around. "Thank you! Thank you, you adorable little mad _genius!_ "

She blushed and looked away, mumbling. "Put me _down_. I'm little, but not _that_ little!"

"Eheh… Sorry…" Sheepish, I returned Lisa to the deck. She immediately wandered over to where Toma's shoes had marked the wood, letting out a sigh.

"And now I need to repaint _Merry_. Just great… Eh, at least I have lots of Comforting Brown."

Nami glanced down at us from the poop deck, where she'd been measuring our speed. "You use your hypnotic paints on the _ship?_ "

"Of course. I don't _have_ any others. Don't worry; there's so many different ones everywhere that they mostly cancel out."

"That is _not_ reassuring," the sailing master muttered.

Seconds later, a great yell went up from where Johnny and Yosaku were dealing with their burning bucket. Which was no longer a bucket so much as a heap of molten metal rapidly being consumed by brilliant orange flames. The hunters flailed simultaneously in their panic

"AH! HELP! WE CAN'T PUT IT OUT!"

"Did you try spraying it with water?" Usopp gestured at the hunters' guns. The master gunner was perched on a rail, fishing- and also staying as far from Nami as he could while still being up top. The pair had trained together earlier and the result was… not pretty. Usopp's hair was _still_ smoking.

"THAT JUST MADE IT BIGGER!"

 _Thud_. Ace landed on the deck between Johnny and Yosaku, raising a hand to tell Luffy to stop chasing him for a minute. "One sec, Lu. Gotta save your ship." Picking up the flaming globule, Ace raised an eyebrow. "What exactly did you guys _do?_ "

"We were trying to see if we could recreate the gems Big Sis makes-"

"But we couldn't remember exactly how to do it. So we mixed iron oxide-"

"And aluminum and heated them up, but-"  
"It caught fire and _wouldn't stop!_ "

"Interesting…" Ace stared at the molten blob of burning in his hands for a minute before shrugging and throwing it out to sea. It landed in the water and floated on the surface, still burning, as everyone watched. Thankfully Ace had managed to get it all, so there was none left on the deck. Just a charred circle for Lisa to paint over.

I marched over to the mast and slammed my head against it aggressively. Because _of course_. _Of course_ the goofball hunters would accidentally make _thermite_ on the deck while I was _still trying_ to come up with a way to save _Merry_. This was… Ergh… This was _impossible_. There _was_ no way to save the ship, was there?

 _No_. I couldn't let myself think like that. Resting my forehead against the mast, I ran one hand gently up and down smooth wood, like I was petting some strange dog. "Sorry _Merry_. I don't mean to give up hope. I _will_ find a way to save you."

One of the main lines came undone, falling to drape around my shoulders in a sort of loose coil. Ghin shot up from where he'd been sitting with a snarl.

"What the _Hell_ is going on with those lines? I _know_ I tied that properly! How do they keep coming loose?" Stomping over to me, my brother plucked the loop of rope off of my shoulders, shoving whatever he'd been sewing into my arms in the same motion. "Here- go try that on while I fix this. _Again_."

"Umm… Okay?" I stared at the pile of _stuff_ in my arms. Heavy and black, with hints of purple and gold… Leather and canvas and round studs of Wootz steel. "What _is_ it?"

"A way to keep you from wrecking your shirt and flashing everybody every time you get in a fight," Ghin grunted as he made his way aloft. "Hopefully, anyway. Should work better than what you've got now."

I opened my mouth to protest, only for Nami to shoot me a glare. "If you say that you don't wreck _that_ many shirts, Jones, I swear to God…"

"Fine, fine…" Shaking my head, I wandered into the gun deck to change.

Unfolding the pile yielded several different pieces. Mostly of black leather armour, studded with Wootz steel, with a few abstract fire shapes appliqued in rich purple. A brigandine, vambraces, greaves, and sabatons- although I doubt Ghin actually knew all those names. There were also fingerless gloves- probably to keep me from burning my palms every time I made gemstones- and a long, heavy coat. Pants and a shirt, heavier than what I currently wore but otherwise similar in appearance, were at the bottom of the pile

And they fit _perfectly_. Which was _weird_ , because at no point that I could remember had Ghin taken my measurements. Confused, I stomped out onto the deck once dressed and shouted up into the rigging.

"GHIN! YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION FOR HOW YOU KNEW-!"

"I asked Sanji!" was the slightly aggravated response. "Gave him a headache, but apparently you still count as a lady enough that he could figure out your measurements."

"Oh…" Well, okay then. I deflated, because there was nothing I could say to that. Knowing a woman's measurements _was_ a canon ability of Sanji's.

Giggling, Luffy bounced over and latched onto my back, chin on my shoulder and limbs wrapped around my waist. "Shishishishishi! Jones looks cool!"

Blue eyes blinked blearily from where Ruatha had been sleeping by the rail. My dragon was on his feet in an instant, snorting and growling at the sight of someone other than himself on my back. Whining, the young reptile charged me. More than a hundred pounds of bone, muscle, and scale crashed into my chest. "Monah! Zoku _laad!_ "

"Gah! Ruatha, _down!_ " I was forced backwards by the assault, which led to Luffy becoming squashed between my back and the wall. Not that I think he minded- my captain was still giggling like a madman. Ruatha, naturally, ignored my command and proceeded to lick my face. Eugh… Dragon spit never stopped being _gross_.

"And so the armour meets its first test," Robin observed quietly. "Although, if the complaint is that Baryshnya Witch ruins her _shirt_ frequently, I'm left wondering why she would require armour on her arms and legs."

"Because of _him_." Ghin dropped to the deck, jerking his thumb at Ruatha. "He's growing _fast_ , and I just _know_ that as soon as he's big enough, Jones will be _riding_ him. The odds of us being able to get a dragon-sized saddle before then are _very_ low- hence the leg armour. Should keep a certain injury-prone someone from ripping her skin open on scales."

Robin nodded. "And the arms?"

"Only a matter of time before she forgets herself and tries to block a sword without her sais. Surprised it hasn't happened already."

"OI!" My indignation gave me the energy I needed to finally shove Ruatha off and unwrap myself from Luffy's arms. "I'm not that ba-!"

"You _are_." Ghin thumped one fist gently down atop my head. "And the fact that you can't see it worries me."

I didn't dignify that with a reply. Huffing, I spun on my heel to poke Luffy in the forehead. "Come on, Captain. Let's us and your brother train some more to fight Teach. And… Well, anyone else who feels like joining in, you probably should."

Ruatha climbed up on my shoulders with a loud, prideful chirp as the crew slowly gathered round. Even Sanji emerged from the galley when he noticed what everyone else was preparing for. We'd been doing this every day for the past week- carefully, so as not to damage the _Merry_ too much, but it wasn't something that could wait until we were on an island to spare her completely. Once everyone was gathered, the signal was a loud cough. And then we _started_.

The melee fighters- i.e. most of the crew- coalesced into a close-quarters free-for-all. Johnny and Yosaku kept to the edges of that, using both their swords and their spray guns- filled only with water for training, of course. And beyond them were Nami, Usopp, and Lisa, staying well back and firing into the fray. Drifter and Geier tore in from the top, providing a small amount of air superiority.

And, well, even though this was important training, it was _fun_. I couldn't keep from laughing as I ducked under a swing from Chopper's hockey stick, only to get squirted full in the face by Johnny. Coughing up water, I snaked one of my sais out to deliver a sharp crack to the blue hunter's shin, making him yelp. Yosaku's sword descended towards me; I didn't need to worry, though. Toma blocked it before I could even move, spinning to strike Ghin with the pommel of his sword in the same motion.

My brother barely noticed the hit, too intent on knocking Zoro and Sanji's heads together. They immediately turned on him, creating a three-monster pileup that was only untangled when Luffy gleefully tackled them into the mast. Not even pausing, the trio that had just been at each other's throats turned on our captain.

A bunch of slingshot bullets flew harmlessly through Ace's shoulder to ping off Chopper's antlers as the reindeer transformed; green paint spattered across the deck as Lisa tried and failed to hit Usopp with a bindrune. Yelping, the gunner responded by firing a pot of oil. _He_ hit his mark, coating Lisa and a great part of the decking around her. Not a second later, Yosaku slipped in the oil and went sliding into the back of Ace's knees, taking him down as the Logia was focused on prying Drifter off his face.

Arms bloomed from the deck and rails, grasping at limbs. Robin wasn't exactly sparring- more providing a hazard that the rest of us had to work with. It forced the rest of us to jump and spin, dodging in ways we weren't used to, never staying in one place very long. My new long coat flared dramatically as I danced through the forest of hands.

"Screee!" Geier swooped down, striking at Nami with the curved, blunt outer edge of her talons. The sailing master stepped out of the way, jabbing up with her Clima-Tact before spinning to fire a bunch of Heat Balls into the melee. I spun around to dissipate them. "Mutoryu: Tatsumaki!"

"You're getting better at that," Zoro grunted, catching simultaneous strikes from Johnny and Yosaku and flinging the hunters into Chopper. The reindeer squeaked and popped into Brain Point, allowing the gadgeteer swordsmen to fly over his head.

I didn't get a chance to respond. Sanji's foot slammed into my side, harder than usual- it had taken a while to get him to hit me _at all_ during sparring, so the change was jarring. Not unexpected, though; not with what we'd been talking about a little while before. I flew into the mast hard enough to set my head spinning; my ribs ached.

Alright, now it was time. Charging back into the fray with a shake of my head, I turned up my personal gravity. Not enough to start bending and damaging the _Merry_ \- I'd learned my lesson the first time- but enough that everyone definitely noticed it. Movement became sluggish; smaller members of the crew, like Lisa and Toma, were slowly drawn towards me. Chopper popped into Heavy Point to prevent me from sliding him across the deck.

The increase in gravity was a cue for everyone to switch to the specific anti-Teach formation we'd been working on. Luffy and Ace fell back to the middle distance with Johnny and Yosaku, attacking with tiny fireballs and compressed blasts of air. Zoro, Toma, Sanji, and Ghin kept in close, preventing me from getting past, closing me in. Robin dismissed her hands and switched to throwing knives, with which she had uncanny accuracy. Nami, Usopp, and Lisa maintained their distance; Drifter dropped from Geier to land on my face as a distraction, while his partner alternated between swooping attacks and retrieving Robin's knives. Chopper hung back to provide medical support, occasionally firing his puck at me as an additional distraction.

Of course, I was not Teach, so we weren't able to prepare to counter all of his techniques. I also had nowhere near his strength or experience; even assuming total defense, focused just on protecting myself and maintaining my elevated gravity, I could only keep my place against the crew onslaught for about thirty seconds. After that, I was laid out flat on my back, panting. But at least people were getting used to fighting in formation together. That had to count for something.

"Nice one," I wheezed after a concussive blast from Luffy's Gum-Gum BB nearly knocked me over the rail. My captain beamed.

We continued that way, with me standing in for Teach and being repeatedly knocked flat or blasted over the side, until I was too bruised and exhausted to continue. So… About half an hour. At that point I lost focus on the force of gravity, as well as the ability to walk in a straight line.

"Grey yob," I slurred, weaving back and forth and doing my best to stay away from the rails lest I fall over. My vision was doubling- or maybe quintupling. "All fitty o' ye."

Ace caught me before, despite my best efforts, I nearly stumbled over the starboard rail. "Are you sure this is going to work? Teach is usually a lot more aggressive than that. Lasts longer too."

I stared at the freckled pirate with spinning, slightly crossed eyes. "Well, if _you_ wanna learn how to manipulate gravity and stand in the middle, be my guest. 'S his _Devil Fruit_ I know how to counter- sensitive to pain and poisons 'cause it absorbs stuff, allows gravity manipulation, and nullifies the powers of others. I don't know nothin' 'bout how he fights without his fruit."

Thinking for a minute, Ace curled his fingers like he was trying to imitate a cat's paw. "Teach has these wicked claw things he likes to use up close. Not sure what they're called. He was pretty good with them- strong enough to be a commander, if he wanted. Could've had my spot. Rumour has it he's the one who gave _Shanks_ his scars. Pistols too… But I don't think he's as good with those."

"Then the main thing is still not to let him touch you," I pointed out, "It's just important for Devil Fruit users for different reasons." I didn't confirm or deny Ace's suspicions- although I saw Luffy's eyes go hard at the mention of Shanks.

No one could really refute that. Ruatha trotted over and reached up to lick my face. My dragon was the one member of the crew who didn't spar- he refused to attack me for any reason, even in jest. Zoro looked at me, one eyebrow quirking up.

"So, Jones… You've got the rest of us running a pretty sound strategy, as far as I can tell, but… What're _you_ gonna do when we fight this guy?"

"And the shitty dragon, too," Sanji added. The cook made a face as he realized he and the bosun were thinking along the same lines.

"Zu'u marzuh ahrk klaan rigir!" Ruatha stomped and snorted, flaring his wings. The little dragon chomped at the air, his claws flashing as he stomped and pawed at the deck. "Dii raxxe los zahkriihe! Dii juskke, niigolle!"

I smiled and patted my dragon on the head. His display of aggression was adorable; I just wished I knew what he was saying. "I'll be hanging in the middle distance with Ace and Luffy, mostly. Trying to counter his gravity techniques. Since I have to touch people to do _any_ damage, I can't fight him up close _at all_. I can try throwing things and shooting him, but… eh, we'll see."

Zoro and Sanji both nodded their understanding. Then they shot each other looks of disgust, which held for an instant before the cook launched a flying kick at the bosun. Steel clashed against shoes as the two began to spar again. Their trajectory carried them into Ghin, who spun around and smashed Zoro and Sanji with his tonfa, launching them over the rails.

Possibly because my head was still spinning from training, I wondered if I could use gravity to haul them back. Not that flying overboard would hurt Zoro and Sanji, but if Luffy or Chopper went over… Staring at my airborne crewmates, I turned up my personal gravity. My control was shot; I very quickly went over the threshold of _too much_ , setting the mast creaking as _Merry_ tried to bend with the excessive force.

And while Zoro and Sanji _did_ arc back towards the ship, they still landed in the water.

Nami immediately swatted me over the head. "Jones, cool it! You're about to break the ship!"

"Ergh… Sorry…" I dropped the force, rubbing my temples. My hair clung to my face, dark gold with sweat; my head ached weakly, and I felt ill. My vision was going a little blurry and dark… I must've overdone it.

Off to my left, Usopp squeaked as Zoro and Sanji climbed back aboard. He wasn't looking at the cook and the bosun, though. No- No, the gunner was staring up at the sky. One by one, everyone followed his gaze. Several jaws dropped to the ground; Sanji gave voice to what most of the crew was probably thinking.

"Oh, _shit_."

I grinned. _Finally_. My writer was _finally_ getting back to the main plot.

Johnny and Yosaku turned to look at me- I must've snickered or something to draw their attention. The hunters glanced from me up to the darkening sky. "Big Sis, did you-?"

"Nope. I swear by all the gods it wasn't me." I was still grinning. "That was gonna fall whether I was here or not."

For a moment no one reacted as the sky grew darker. Then Nami turned and yelled at Ace, momentarily forgetting that Luffy's brother wasn't part of our crew and thus didn't really have to listen to any of us. "Fire blast off the stern, now! Get us out from under that thing!"

And Ace had seemingly also forgotten that he wasn't one of us, seeing as he immediately raced to obey. Shooting a column of flames from his hands, the freckled pirate sent the _Going Merry_ careening forwards for a few seconds. We jetted out from under the growing shadow, force singing through my bones as the sturdy little caravel accelerated and decelerated rapidly.

Poor little ship… I patted her mast consolingly.

 _ **SPLASH!**_

Before we'd fully finished moving, the shadow suddenly vanished. In its place were high waves and cold spray that rained down on us after a ship many times the size of our own crashed into the water. A name, the _St. Briss_ , was visible on the side in peeling white paint; of course, being inverted, it was a bit difficult to read. Upside-down and full of holes, the _St. Briss_ quickly sank beneath the waves.

Not without leaving behind some traces, though. A few barrels and broken boards bobbed among the waves; fraying rope drifted among the foam like a tangled mass of seaweed. The water took on a faint iridescence in the area- something oily leaking from within the wreckage, perhaps?

Nami turned to me, her eyes morphing into beri symbols. _Glowing_ beri symbols. "Jones… You said that ship would've fallen even if you _weren't_ messing with gravity? So you can give us a treasure rundown? Or…" The sailing master's face fell, "Or were we not able to retrieve anything?"

I glanced over at Luffy. The captain thought for a moment, then nodded. "Go ahead Jones. I don't care about that stuff- 'cept if you were gonna tell us what the One Piece is. I don't want _that_ spoiled."

"Don't worry. I couldn't tell you what the One Piece is even if you wanted me to- story wasn't finished, remember?" I smiled. "All I know is that it definitely exists."

Luffy pouted. "Even _that's_ more than I wanna know…"

"Sorry, Captain…" I cringed. When there was no sign of further chastisement, I turned to Nami. "Treasure rundown… Unknown amount of monetary loot and lots of things that are potentially useful if they're not broken- and even if they are. We might be able to repair them. Make sure that if anyone goes down, they pick up any odd-looking shells they see."

Lisa frowned and leaned over the rail to check the lead line. "But… The water's almost two hundred meters deep. No one can stay down there long enough to pick up any treasure- you'd never be able to hold your breath that long."

"Big Bro Luffy could," Johnny pointed out. "He can inflate like a _balloon_."

"Not when he's underwater," Yosaku reminded his partner with a roll of his eyes. "Devil Fruit powers don't work when you're wet."

A thoughtful look crossed Usopp's face. "But… What if they don't _have_ to get wet…?" he muttered to himself, "And… If we could send air down _to_ people, eliminate the time limit…"

The gunner snapped his head over to look at the hunters. "Johnny, Yosaku, come on. I've got an idea."

Not waiting for a reply, Usopp grabbed the hunters and dragged them off to their tinkering area, presumably to make diving suits. Out of barrels and rubber tubing, if memory served. Which was my cue… "Before you go anywhere- Johnny, Yosaku, did you have any luck on the mine situation?"

Yosaku paused, clearly straining as Usopp continued tugging at his arm. "Sure thing, Big Sis! We got a bunch of different ones done- they're in the crate beside your barrel of apple seed powder." Unable to resist any longer, the green hunter trotted after Usopp before the gunner yanked his arm off.

"We colour-coded them!" Johnny yelled helpfully, waving over his shoulder. Usopp rewarded him with an extra hard yank.

"Don't take credit for what _I_ did! You wouldn't know the difference between teal and tangerine if it stole your sunglasses!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Johnny winced and glanced back at me. "Oh! Big Sis! Don't put the blue one and the orange one beside each other! _Bad_ things happen!"

"Noted!" Giving my head a final shake to clear any lingering fuzzies, I turned on my heel and headed for the hold to grab the supplies. "Ace, get the _Striker_ ready. Sanji… I'm sorry…"

My heart felt heavy as I descended the ladder. I _hated_ having to ask this of Sanji… If only I could cook… But… I couldn't… I failed. I _failed_ and because of that, one of my friends was going to go against his moral code because he _trusted me enough_ to believe in my plans. Cooking… Something like that shouldn't have brought up such a heavy emotion. But it did.

I owed Sanji for this. I owed him _everything_.

It took two trips to retrieve the supplies- I may have gotten stronger during my time in this world, but no matter how strong you are, climbing a ladder requires a number of hands greater than zero, which means carrying two things at once while doing so is right out. Especially when those things are a barrel and a crate, both large and full of dangerous stuff. The mine crate was especially precarious- it was poorly balanced, one side significantly heavier than the other. But at least the Tinker Team had thought to include instructions as well as colour-coding things. A piece of paper had been stapled to the side of the crate, covered in a mix of Usopp's flowing writing, and the barely-decipherable scrawls of the hunters.

Ace looked at my luggage with raised eyebrows as he lowered _Striker_ into the water. "You know _Striker_ 's a single-person boat, right? I mean… It'll hold, but we're not gonna be comfortable. At _all_. Where are we going, anyway?"

"Jaya." I carefully placed the crate of mines as far from the engine as I could. It was still a bit close for comfort. "We need to head there ahead of the rest of the crew to set things up."

Nami stared at me. "You- how do you plan to get anywhere ahead of the crew without a navigator?!"

I opened my mouth to answer, but Ace beat me to it with a roll of his eyes. " _I_ have a log pose too, you know." Holding up his wrist to demonstrate, he inhaled sharply as he caught sight of the little glass bubble. "What the-?"

His reaction prompted Nami to look at her own log pose. The sailing master's face went pale. "Mine- mine's broken too. We're _doomed_."

Ace shook his head. "Nah, just means there's a sky island nearby. Annoying though; makes it hard to find where we're going."

"Sky island?" Luffy asked eagerly. "Jones mentioned those a while ago! But it was spoilers… And now my head hurts…" My captain frowned and rubbed at his temples, his face an adorable mask of frustration.

Both log poses were pointed upwards at a fifty-degree angle, clearly not aimed at anything _remotely_ close to sea level. _Tabarnak_ … I'd forgotten about that bit. How the ever-loving _fuck_ were Ace, Sanji, and I supposed to get to Jaya ahead of time without a working pose? In canon… In canon, the Straw Hats got an eternal pose from the monkey guys after salvage.

Osti d'épais de marde, I was an _idiot!_

Or… _wait a second!_ Skypiea was once part of Jaya, and it floated pretty close to directly overhead. Close enough for me to work with, at least. Now… How high up was the White-White Sea? I pulled out the charts I'd made before Loguetown, skimming down the weathered paper and salt-faded ink.

Ten thousand meters.

"Nami, you have a slide rule, right?" I pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and a pen.

"Of course. Why, though?" The sailing master shot me a strange look as she pulled out the tool in question. It was well-used, well-worn wood, and looked a little different than my dad's slide rule that I used to play with, but it would do.

"Because I'm gonna do some trig." I stuck out my tongue as I started writing down calculations. I _hated_ trig. But… But if my mom hadn't insisted I take that class in high school, all my plans against Blackbeard would've been for naught. So I guess it _was_ useful. Sometimes.

Nami handed me the slide rule with a hum of confusion. "What good will that do? I mean… Sure, I could use it to shift the readings to something on our plane of reference, but how does that help us if they're pointing at something in the sky? We can't get there!"

"Are we almost at the sky island Jones talked about?" Chopper asked in eager unison, hugging Luffy. Toma stared at them.

"What do you mean, _sky island?_ "

"Exactly what it sounds like," I answered absently, "An island in the sky. Which just happens to be floating above a proper _sea-level_ island, so if I can figure out roughly where Skypiea is, I can figure out how to get to Jaya. Luckily, I know how high up it is…"

Let's see… If our angle was fifty, and the angle from Jaya to Skypiea was ninety, that meant the third angle was forty. And the side I knew was ten thousand meters… If I used fifty, I had my angle and my opposite, so I could use the tangent…

tan 50 = 10,000/x

tan 50 = 1.191753593

1.191753593 = 10,000/x

x = 10,000/1.191753593

x = 8,390.996312

So, we were just over eight kilometers from Jaya. Roughly. Glancing up at the sky, I took note of the position of the sun. It was already afternoon, so that meant west was in a general… _that way_ direction. Assuming sunrise and sunset worked the same in this world as they did back home- despite being here for several months, I'd never thought to ask about that. Compare the position of the sun to the _general_ orientation of the log poses, if one ignored the fact that they were pointing upwards- because Jaya and Skypiea were the same island and in roughly the _same spot_ …

"Okay. I can get us there." I glanced at Ace. "Or at least close enough to _see_ it. Math might not be exact. How fast does your _Striker_ go?"

"Hundred and twelve kilometers an hour."

So he could get there in… four and a half minutes. Roughly. Excele-! _Tabarnak!_ Without warning, I dropped my calculations to the deck and marched over to the mast in order to slam my head against it.

 _Thud. Thud. Thud._

"I am an idiot! I am an idiot who is _going to get us all killed!_ " Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge! How had I forgotten? No way would we be able to approach Mock Town unseen… Not when the _Striker_ travelled on a column of _roaring flames_ that would draw the attention of everyone for _miles_.

A sound like cracking knuckles heralded Chopper changing forms. Once in Heavy Point, the reindeer slipped his hand in between my head and the mast. "Jones," he asked quietly, "What's wrong?"

"I forgot about _Van Auger_ ," was my reply, slightly muffled by a furry hand. "Bastard'll snipe us as we come into port. Ace is _not_ easy to hide."

"Who the Hell's Van Auger?" Ghin's voice, slightly exasperated. Probably at my forgetting something so important and not letting everybody in on my plans.

"Blackbeard's bastard sniper. At least as good as Usopp- possibly better. And uses a _gun_. Even if he can't hit us, he'll spot the _Striker_ coming into port and _warn_ the bastard." Which I couldn't allow. Because if Teach knew we were coming, we wouldn't get a chance to set up. It would be a full-frontal assault, without the whole crew- without our _backup_ that I'd still seen no sign of.

This… I hadn't really thought this out _nearly_ as well as I thought I had, had I?

"Aren't you bullet-proof, Baryshnya Witch?" Robin asked softly. "Why would a gun matter?"

"Again, more the problem that if Auger sees Ace, everything's down the tubes." Osti d'épais de marde… No. _No_. I _wasn't_ letting this chance go to waste. There _had_ to be a way to salvage this.

 _Back when we were at the police academy, they taught us to always take out the sniper before sending in a retrieval team._ Drifter wandered over and poked me in the ribs with one of his signs. _If you draw him, Geier and I can find him and take him out._

The vulture shrieked her agreement, wings flaring as I raised my head. But… "No. No, that won't work. He spends his days taking potshots at birds for fun. Unless you can outfly a bullet, that won't work."

Both animals visibly deflated. I reached out to pet Ruatha as I tried to think, running my fingers through feathery scales. Drifter _was_ right, though… The best way to do this was to knock out Van Auger before making land. But who and how? Who could cover eight kilometers quickly and still fight at the end? Or preferably knock him out before he fought back, since I wasn't sure we had anyone who could fight one of Blackbeard's crewmates one-on-one yet.

Oh. _Tabarnak_. That would work. That would feel like _shit_ , but it would _work_. I shook my head, chuckling ruefully. Secret plans, missions of revolution and espionage, and now acting as the vanguard for the vanguard… As much as I hated the title, I was falling _right into_ the role of the pirate king's ninja, wasn't I?

"Never mind- I've got an idea. It'll take me a few minutes to get ready though." I bashed my fists together, absorbing the force that raced up my arms. "Once I'm done, Luffy, I'm gonna need your help."

"Sure!" My captain bounced eagerly. "What for?"

"I'm gonna need you to slingshot me to the next island. Which should be… Over there, according to my calculations." I pointed. It was a big risk- my math was rough, so there was a good change I'd land in the ocean. But… I had to try, and I couldn't ask anyone else to do it when the same dangers- _more_ dangers, given that only Luffy and I were bulletproof- would apply to them. And my powers would work for this, where Luffy's might not do as well.

"Okay!" Luffy jumped up and flipped in the air, hooking his legs over a line so he ended up swinging upside down. Brown eyes scanned back and forth, picking out the best spots to anchor himself when the time came. Or possibly imagining some detailed daydream about cool insects- I couldn't tell.

Sitting myself at the base of the mast, I continued bashing my fists together. It would've been faster to ask someone else to help- Ace or Luffy or Zoro or Sanji or Ghin- but… With any of them, there was a risk I'd overload and have to start over. I needed as much force as I could hold without going over, which meant I needed to build it up slowly.

Most of my crewmates busied themselves preparing to salvage the _St. Briss_ \- Zoro lowering the anchor, Nami scanning her charts for nearby reefs. Sanji fidgeted by the rail, growing more uncomfortable as he realized the number of things I'd forgotten to account for until the last minute. Sorry… I wanted to reassure the cook, but I didn't know how. And then Ace crouched in front of me, narrow grey eyes staring into my soul.

Had I been a lesser pirate, I would've jumped back and tried to hide behind the mast- Ace was _that_ serious. As it was, I raised an eyebrow and kept bashing my fists together, squashing down my anxiety as hard as I could.

"Are you _sure_ this will work?" Ace's voice was low- low enough that I doubted anyone else could hear him.

I had to think for a minute before I nodded, which didn't seem to reassure him. But when I answered, my voice was firm and even. Because I _was_ sure this would work. This was a fanfiction written by another me, after all- if _I_ didn't understand how the writer did things, no one did.

"Yes. I'm as sure this will work as I am that Luffy will be King of the Pirates. Just… Promise me one thing." Because there _was_ one thing that could still screw up my plans, no matter _how_ successful I was with Van Auger. "Promise me that no matter what, you won't lose your temper and go after Blackbeard before I give the signal."

Embers flickered to life at the ends of Ace's hair; he huffed indignantly. "What makes you think I would?"

"Because he tried to kill a member of your _family_ ," I snapped, a little louder than I meant to. "Where I come from, he _succeeded_."

Ace didn't answer with words, but the embers flared up into actual flames, and his eyes began to glow orange. I paused in my force gathering to poke him in the forehead.

"I know what Thatch means to you; what all the Whitebeard Pirates mean to you. They're your family- your brothers, just as much as Sabo and Luffy. So I know how angry you are, and that you have _every right to be_." My voice cracked a little; my eyes were burning. "But if you let your temper control you, if you attack early… _The plan will fail and you will die!_ "

"That's just fine with me," Ace snapped back. "And you know why! If I die avenging and protecting the people I love, that's the best thing I could possibly do! It'd mean a monster like me was actually worth something!"

"So that's where I got that attitude! I was wondering!" I took a deep breath to calm myself; losing my temper at Ace about losing his temper was a _wee bit_ counter-productive. "Has it ever occurred to you that it works both ways? How Luffy and Sabo and Thatch and Marco and Namur and Haruta and Curiel and Izo and Pops and _all the others_ would feel if you died? _They! Love! You!_ "

Ace froze in shock, so I ploughed on. "Do you want to know what happened to the Whitebeard Pirates after you and Pops died? The crew fractured. Marco tried to hold part of it together, to take down Teach and get revenge, but it didn't work. And then this asshole _momma's boy_ of a Warlord appeared and started hunting down the remnants of the crew one at a time, killing them and claiming to be Whitebeard's blood son."

"And the root cause of that… The root cause of your death was your _temper_. If you hadn't gotten so angry at Banaro Island when Teach threatened Luffy, you might've been able to think more clearly and come up with a way to beat him or escape. Hell, if you'd managed that, Luffy would never have been at risk coming after you in the first place! And during the Paramount War, if you hadn't gotten so angry when Admiral Akainu started badmouthing Pops, you would've been able to get Luffy out of there instead of _having to shield him with your body!_ "

"I didn't think-!" Ace was pale between his freckles, a sickly bluish white. My throat constricted.

"No. No, you didn't think, and that's the problem. Did you know that in the stories, you never saw Sabo again? You never learned he was alive? Without me there to get him involved in Loguetown, he didn't get his memories back until he _saw the article reporting your death in the newspaper_. He loves you so much that even when _he couldn't remember his own name_ , the thought of your death made him _physically ill_."

My eyes were _burning_ ; I bit my lip in an angry attempt to keep them spilling over. As for my voice… Hoarse, even beyond usual from the ammonia scarring. Spent. I could barely speak, barely _breathe_.

And Ace… Ace didn't actually seem to be much better. His eyes had returned to their usual grey, the flames in his hair flickering out. And while there were no tear tracks on his cheeks, his lower eyelashes looked strangely shiny.

"I… All that… Because of me?"

"Yes. Your brothers _love you_."

Ace heaved a heavy sigh. "But- But I don't deserve- My blood…"

"The only ones who care about that are some assholes sitting atop a mountain. And most of them, the biggest service _their_ blood could do would be to stain the ground. Don't listen to a _thing_ the government says about your blood and your birth father. His identity has nothing to do with who _you_ are."

"But… But I'm a _freak_ and a _monster_." Ace suddenly seemed so much younger- as if, rather than a twenty-year-old man crouching in front of me, it was a ten-year-old boy. A ten-year-old boy in desperate need of a hug.

"Who bloody cares? So you're a monster- Ruatha's a monster. Chopper's a monster. Zoro and Sanji and Ghin- all monsters. I'm a monster. And Luffy's a monster too. And I'm sure there are others on our crew, and will be more in the future."

Black hair lit up with orange embers once again. "Don't say that about my br-!"

"Being a monster isn't _bad_ ," I bulled ahead. I was on a roll now, even if my voice wanted to give out and my eyes were burning so much I could barely keep them open. "It means you have the _strength_ to protect your friends and family! It means you're _different_ and _interesting!_ "

Luffy glanced down at me from his place in the rigging. Despite comically swinging upside down, his expression was serious. "Monsters are cool, Ace. I _like_ monsters."

The rest of the ship had fallen eerily quiet at this point- no footsteps, no voices, no movement. Even the waves seemed to be sloshing more quietly. But while a small corner of my mind registered that this probably meant everyone else could hear us, for the most part, neither Ace nor I cared.

"If you hate people for calling you a monster, that's fine. But don't go looking for death because of them; the best way to spite them is to _live_. And even if dying to save someone you love is worth it, don't you think that person would much rather you save them and _live_ , so they don't lose you?"

Ace rolled watery eyes, a strange noise bubbling up in his throat. "Hello Pot, my name's Kettle- Luffy _told_ me what you did on Little Garden."

"That was different!" My voice broke loudly midway through a rather soggy yelp. "Completely different backgrounds!"

"Oh, really?" Ace didn't look pleased to have cornered me- but at the same time, he didn't _stop_ either. "But wasn't I your favourite character _because you knew a bit of what it felt like?_ Because the things you went through were lesser versions of what I did? Doesn't sound _completely different_ to me."

"At least you had someone," I murmured, my gaze falling to the deck. Ah- the strange, fruit-shaped knots of the _Going Merry_ 's planking. I'd almost forgotten how familiar with you I was. Oh look, there was a bunch of cracks that kind of made the shape of a banana. That was new.

"And what do you mean by that?" Ace's voice had gone quiet again, but now… Now I could almost _sense_ my crewmates straining to eavesdrop.

"When you were a child, you had Luffy and Sabo. Then you left, but you had the Spade Pirates. And then you had the Whitebeard Pirates. They all _loved you_. They loved you _so much_. Even when you actively _tried_ to push them away…" Fuck you, Ace. You were supposed to let me rant at you until you got the message, not turn this back on me.

"And you didn't? Have anyone, I mean?" Ace's eyes bored into my soul. Like Luffy at his most intense… Must be a D thing.

"What I _had_ was a controlling family that considered me a freak and a failure, and tried to force me to live up to expectations I didn't even understand." The bitterness burned on the back of my tongue. "By the time I had any real friends, I was fourteen- and then most of them were taken from me a couple years later, split up in the name of _education_. I had a couple others at my new school, but even then… Even them, I hadn't seen in over three years…"

Warmth… Invisible arms wrapped around me from behind, holding me tight. The marks along my forearms were burning almost as much as my eyes now. I rubbed my arms together, uncomfortable, my gathering of force nearly forgotten. Had to turn this away, off myself before I _broke_. So I took a deep breath and resumed snapping.

"But that's not important! The important part is that _right before you died_ , you realized _exactly_ how much people loved you. You _finally_ learned how many people _wanted_ you to live, came to terms with the fact that you being born _was a good thing_. Do you want to know what your last words were?"

Ace froze, eyes blowing wide as his skin paled, if possible, even further. "You- You know-? You _remember_ something like that?"

"Word. For. Word." I forced myself to keep steady, to try and bore back into _Ace's_ soul with my _own_ gaze. He flinched… Then nodded for me to continue. It took a minute for me to do so- there was a lump of emotions in the way, blocking my throat.

" _Old man, everyone! And you… Luffy. Even though I've been good for nothing my whole life, even though I have the blood of a demon within me... You guys still loved me! Thank you so much!_ "

A little gasp, like someone had kicked him in the stomach. Ace glanced up at Luffy, blinking rapidly. And then… And then it was like a dam burst.

Tears spilled over as Ace watched his brother swinging back and forth in the lines. The freckled pirate was shaking, wet spots forming on the wood where hit tears fell. Ace lowered his head and buried his face in his hands.

"I promised him I wouldn't die," Ace said softly. He didn't need to say who he was referring to; I knew. "I promised I'd always be there, that I'd never die…"

Any other words became unintelligible as Ace sobbed. I couldn't hold on any longer either- my resistance broke down, with tears streaming down to stain my new armour. Not quite in control of my actions, I leaned forwards and wrapped my arms around Ace's shoulders, rubbing his back soothingly. He stiffened under my hands before returning the embrace, seeming to melt with a strangled groan.

Part of me wanted to say something to reassure Ace- promise that he wouldn't die, that he'd always be there for his brothers. But I couldn't get any more words out. So I just held tighter, clinging to the freckled pirate as if letting go would mean both our deaths. His return hold was slightly painful- squeezing a little too tight, making my bones grate together uncomfortably- but not enough that I could muster the energy to protest.

And then there was a heavy thud, and warm, rubbery arms wrapped around us both. Luffy pressed so close that it was like the three of us were merging into a single person. His arms wrapped around three times, squishing me even more uncomfortably than Ace had. I couldn't breathe!

"Never seen Ace cry before," Luffy murmured, mystified.

"Aazse… Monah…" Ruatha scrambled over and clambered up onto my shoulders, wrapping his tail and wings around my neck. Rough scales brushed against my cheek as my dragon nuzzled my face.

Two more pairs of arms wrapped around Ace and myself- smaller than Luffy's, and not as strong. Lisa and Toma, both with tears in their eyes, although the young swordsman kept glancing fearfully at something over my shoulder. They were followed by charging footsteps across the deck of the ship, which culminated in Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku tackle-hugging everyone. Something small and warm and fluffy worked its way into the almost non-existent gap between me and Ace. Chopper. Tiny hooves wrapped around both our arms.

A heavy hand rested on my head, rough fingers running through my hair. Glancing up through wet eyelashes, I saw Ghin staring down at me, a soft expression on his face. He was humming a song I didn't recognize- something soothing. Across, Nami was performing a similar function for Ace, brushing his hair with her fingers as she hummed the same strange tune.

Zoro, Drifter, and Geier didn't join the hug- or, well, not at first, and Zoro and Geier managed to avoid it completely. The vulture perched on the swordsman's shoulder; both looked like they were looking forward to disembowelling whoever had made me and Ace cry. Drifter was with them for a few seconds… Right up until Luffy decided that Chopper alone wasn't enough fluff and stretched out an arm to drag the otter into the center of the hug pile. Drifter squirmed in ineffectual protest, grumpily poking people with a sign. Which we summarily ignored in favour of hugging him and petting his thick, soft fur until he gave up and started purring.

 _I am a police officer! Not a teddy bear!_

Sanji was harder to see- the cook was leaning against the wall by the galley door. He was wearing oven mitts- funny, I hadn't noticed him go into the kitchen while Ace and I were talking- and his face was stormy. A vein kept twitching in the side of his jaw.

Leaning my head into Ghin's hand, I caught a glimpse of Robin out of the corner of my eye. She was standing as far from the group hug as she could get and still be on deck, watching us. Her eyes were shiny, and the expression on her face… Resigned envy? When she noticed that I could see her, the archaeologist looked away, pulling a small book from one of her pockets and burying her nose in it to avoid my gaze.

"Ace… Jones…" Luffy's voice drew my attention back to him. "We _all_ love you. _Forever_. And we're gonna fight together, and we're gonna win, and Ace can keep his promise about not dying. So don't cry, ne? As long as we're together, everything's gonna be alright."

Several lines came untied at his words, sliding past each other and falling with loud hisses and thuds. They ended up draped over the hug pile and everyone's shoulders- even Robin's. While most of the crew just rolled their eyes in resigned acceptance of our strange ship, the archaeologist jumped in surprise. Ghin grumbled something about needing to re-tar the lines and make sure the blocks that held them were in good shape.

"Pendejo… _I'm_ supposed to be the one comforting _you_." Ace's voice was thick and wet. He released one arm from around my shoulder to rub at his eyes.

Luffy didn't respond with words- just gifted Ace with a sunny smile and leaned forwards to press his forehead against his brother's. Usopp, however, was more than happy to take over the task of talking people up.

"Yeah! I mean, I don't know what the plan is, but we're together and we're awesome, so how can it fail? With the great Master Gunner Usopp on your side, you'll never lack for cover fire!"

Johnny and Yosaku nodded in unison, like eager bobbleheads. "Yeah! And we can make more of that stuff that lit the bucket on fire for Big Bro Ace! With that stuff around, your fire powers will be unstoppable!"

Lisa fidgeted at my side. Releasing her hold on me and Ace, the little painter whipped out her art supplies and started mixing. Seconds later, she began splashing colours on everyone's faces before we could blink. Everyone was too stunned to stop here, despite how badly the paint tickled as it swiped into face and dried.

" _WHA-?!_ "

"It's war paint." Lisa did herself last, painting bright flames across her face and hands that were _far_ too realistic. Seriously, they looked like flames Ace could've made. And when I looked at the rest of my crewmates, everyone else was covered in similar patterns.

 _What does it do?_ Drifter tried to wipe the paints off his fur, but they had already dried. The otter stared at Lisa, eyes narrowed, familiar with her work as Miss Goldenweek.

"Bullfight Red to get us ready for battle, and Get-Well-Soon Gold to help everyone feel better."

 _What about the orange?_

Lisa shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. Haven't really played around with it. But it looks cool with the battle colours, and I can't make flames without it."

That just raised the uncomfortable question of how Lisa developed and tested her paint colours, but I decided to put that out of my mind for now. Or try to- it took several false starts to achieve true suppression, including being terrified that she tested them on herself, and wondering if the _Going Merry_ was secretly infested with brightly coloured rats who had personalities matching the emotions of Lisa's paint colours. And judging by the look of terrified confusion on his face, Toma was having similar thoughts. The boy actually pulled away from Lisa, reaching up to touch the paints on his face.

A rush of good feeling ran through me as the paints took effect. Warmth and comfort- but not a calming kind. No, this was the comfort of the dojo, full of energy. I was surrounded by friends, about to go _fight_ some bastards with my _awesome_ powers. This was going to be _fun!_ I was so _pumped!_ I needed to finish building up force for my idea for taking down Van Auger. The group hug slowly broke up as everyone was infected with the aggressive comradery of Lisa's paints, allowing me to resume bashing my fists together like a braindead thug.

"Wouldn't it be faster if someone helped?" Ghin asked, thumping me lightly on the head. I absorbed the force and glanced up at him.

"Maybe… _Oooor_ , I might lose control, explode, end up in the water, and have to start over again after someone fishes me out." I made a face and smashed my fists together once more. "Trying to get _right on the edge_ … Otherwise this won't work. Still might not…"

It might've just been the nausea building up as I got closer to the edge, but… I was suddenly terrified. What if I missed the island? There would be no one there to fish me out if I landed in the ocean… This was a bad idea. Very, _very_ bad idea…

But also the only one I had to deal with Van Auger. So I had to try.

It didn't take too much longer for me to achieve the appropriate level of head-spinning, barely-able-to-walk nausea that accompanied me nearing my limit. I rose gingerly, edging over to stand beneath Luffy. He frowned down at me.

"Jones… Are you _sure_ you know what you're doing?"

"No. But I'm sure that if I don't try it, my plan is going straight to _Hell_. And it's too late to turn back now…"

Luffy's frown deepened. "Jones… I know you don't like asking for help and stuff… And I let you do lots cause you're smart and I trust you… But… After this… After this, I want you to at least _tell me_ your plans, 'kay? Even if I don't understand… I'm the captain. It's _my_ job to look after everybody, not yours."

I flinched at his voice, so full of reproach. He was right, wasn't he? I _had_ been overstepping my authority more and more… "Sorry, Captain…"

"Don't be sorry. Nothing we can do about it now. Just be better next time." Luffy nodded to himself and flipped right way up as he descended to the deck. "Where'd you need me to shoot you, again?"

"There." I pointed up, at a gap between two lines. It would give me an angle of ascension of about thirty degrees- hopefully that would be enough.

"Okay…" Luffy's voice was dubious. "I don't see an island or anything, but you science better than I do… If you're sure…"

"Science isn't a verb…" I muttered as I got into position. My captain ignored me.

Grabbing onto the _Merry_ 's mast, Luffy positioned himself behind me at an angle and _stretched_. "I don't like this…" he grumbled as he pulled back, stretching to nearly the other end of the ship. "I can't see the island… What if you miss? Can't you get there somehow else?"

"Nope. Trust me, I would if I could." My _everything_ was shaking… White nibbled at the edges of my vision.

"Mmrph… Fine…" Luffy shook his head. "I trust Jones to know what she's doing… But I don't like it."

"You could always order her not to," Ace reminded him, "You _are_ her captain."

I rolled my eyes at the freckled fireball, debating whether or not to remind him that _he_ wouldn't have listened to _Whitebeard_ had the old man ordered him not to go hunting Teach. But I decided against it. Instead…

"Ace, you're gonna need to head over on the _Striker_ about fifteen minutes after Luffy launches me." Hopefully that would give me enough time. "Bring Sanji, and maybe someone else if you have room- we'll need help to prepare the battlefield, and Sanji's gotta make the pie."

"It's already in the oven," the cook said irritably from his place by the galley door. He lit a cigarette with a huff. "Figured you'd forgotten how _long_ they take to bake, so got it in while you and the shitty firecracker were yelling at each other. Idiot… Did you think I could just make it on the spot once we got to Jaya or something? Guess that's another reason you couldn't make the shitty pie…"

 _Maudit_ … Well, if Sanji had already fixed things, I didn't need to worry. I flinched involuntarily at the cook's words. "Sorry…"

He didn't respond. Sighing, I glanced at Luffy and braced myself for impact. "Whenever you're ready, Captain."

"Okay…" Luffy looked doubtful, but thankfully, he didn't follow Ace's advice. "If you're sure we have to… Gum-Gum-!"

He shot forwards with a rubbery snap. I finished the name of the technique just before he slammed into my back. "Intercontinental Ballistic Missile!"

I released the force I'd gathered as Luffy slammed into me, sending me flying harder and faster than either of us could've done alone. The wind stung my face as I soared out over the sea; I squinted against the sting in my eyes. Unruly blonde bangs plastered against my face, making vision even more difficult. My eyes watered, and my skin stung from the force of the wind.

When I reached the top of my arc and felt myself beginning to fall, I arched my back like a skydiver, holding my arms out to the sides like wings. And then… Then I turned the force of gravity on myself _down_. Not enough to make me lighter than air and set me rising, but enough that I was more or less neutrally buoyant- like a zeppelin. Except most zeppelins aren't flying forwards at terminal velocity.

And as much as my eyes were burning, I _loved_ this. I'd always wanted to fly, _really_ fly- no airplane, just my body and the wind. And while this wasn't technically _true_ flight- I had no method of propulsion or steering- it was closer than I'd ever thought to come. The wind stole my breath away; despite that, I managed to find enough air to let out a burst of laughter.

"SESEHIHIHIHIHI! THIS IS AMAZING!"

Of course, keeping my arms from sheering off from the wind resistance meant I was absorbing a fair amount of force. It might've been more comfortable to keep them tucked in- although then I'd run the risk of rolling over as I flew, leaving me unable to see where I was going. I wondered if releasing that force would allow me to steer at all… But how?

It took me a little less than three minutes to cover the distance between the _Going Merry_ and Jaya- although about halfway through that time, my heart jumped into my mouth and began beating like a military drum. Why, you ask? Well…

I'd gotten the distance to Jaya right, but my estimate of the angle the ship was approaching at was off by several degrees. Meaning I was soaring past several hundred meters to the _left_ of the island.

For someone who could swim, this might not have been a big deal- getting to shore would take a lot of effort, but it wouldn't be impossible. For someone with a Devil Fruit… _Merde_. I was seriously regretting my life choices. For the last minute of my flight, I played desperately with forces as I tried to find a way to steer myself closer to land. All I succeeded in doing was setting myself spinning as I turned gravity back on and descended.

A bullet whizzed past my ear as I spiralled towards the waves, unable to right myself. Well… On the bright side, I'd at least caught Van Auger's attention. Fat lot of good that would do _now,_ though. Only one thought ran through my mind as the water rose up to meet me:

' _Spin, spin, spin, SMACK!'_

My momentum ran out off the shore of Mock Town. Hundreds of pirates and rogues would bear witness to my bizarre fate; I would be forever remembered as the idiot Devil Fruit user who fell from the sky. Well, there were worse fates. Not that I was thinking of any, at the moment.

 _Spin, spin, spin, SMACK!_

Funnily enough, the sea echoed my thoughts as I plunged into her, the resounding SMACK! of my textbook-perfect belly-flop setting my ears to ringing. I coughed from the impact- and immediately found myself choking on a lungful of salt water as I sank deeper. Cold… It was so cold. I tried to struggle, but my limbs felt so heavy… I could barely move.

Reds faded out, then oranges, yellows, greens… I was left in a faerie world of delicate blue and purple bubbles as I went down. My vision began to go black; my lungs burned. After maybe thirty seconds of weak, ineffectual struggling, I could hold onto consciousness no longer.

The world went black.

X

Luffy bit his lip as he watched Jones fly away. He hoped she knew what she was doing… Maybe he _should_ have ordered her to stay back. What if the island wasn't where she thought it was? She would drown, and it would be _his fault_ for not stopping her. The young captain groaned and gripped the edge of his hat.

"I just made a _huge_ mistake, didn't I?"

Nami stared out at the horizon, and the black-and-purple speck rapidly disappearing towards it. "It's Jones… I'm sure she knows what she's doing?"

That… Something like that shouldn't have been a question. Nami's voice wasn't reassuring _at all_. Luffy bit his lip harder; a second later, he tasted blood.

"If you're so worried," Ace asked, "Why didn't you tell her to stay?" Luffy's brother was busy doing a last-minute check of the crate Jones had put on the front of his little ship.

That… Luffy wasn't sure. His head began to ache as he went through things. Why didn't he order Jones to stay back, or to at least find a better way? Because… Because Jones knew things, knew so much, and the way she acted… As if as long as she didn't _think_ about the things that could go wrong, nothing _would_ go wrong. But that wasn't true, was it? Even if you didn't think about the bad things, they could still happen.

He'd never _thought_ he could lose Sabo, when he was little. But he had. He'd gotten him back, but that didn't change that he'd lost him first. They'd had so many years stolen from them…

And maybe… "Lisa's paints're doing things to my head."

The little painter looked sheepish. "Sorry… Side-effects of war paint may include increased aggression, lowered inhibitions, heightened energy and perceptions, excitement, and an inability to properly analyze whether an idea is good or not."

Luffy nodded. He wasn't _entirely_ sure what all those words meant, but the ones he did know definitely felt right. For some reason, as soon as Lisa stopped speaking, Toma's jaw dropped. Zoro's apprentice looked at the painter with an expression of dawning horror. That was weird.

Zoro glanced over, arms folded. Luffy felt so small under his bosun's stare… A part of him wanted to seep through the cracks in the deck and hide in the hold. Not that Zoro looked _angry_ , per say, but… He was stern and crackly and _dark_ , and Luffy didn't like it when his friends were like that. It made him feel like he'd failed…

"You're not the only one to blame." Zoro's voice was low and flat. "We _all_ give Jones too much leeway because of what she knows. Yeah, she's our quartermaster and a good talker, but…"

"Agreed," Sanji huffed. Luffy looked at his cook with surprise; Sanji agreeing with Zoro so easily was _weird_. "Jones… The shitty witch has good _reasons_ for what she does, but her methods…She needs to talk to the rest of us, work things out, not just spring things on us last minute and expect us to go along."

The cook was biting hard on the butt of his cigarette. Luffy flinched at the bitterness in Sanji's voice. And… that was the first time he'd ever heard his cook refer to a _girl_ using the word 'shitty.' Jones must've done something to _really_ piss Sanji off.

Lisa stared worriedly from Luffy to Zoro to Sanji. "Should we really be talking about Jones behind her back like this?"

Sanji snorted. "She makes all her plans behind _our_ backs. I think we're allowed."

Ghin frowned at the blond. "You're awfully bitter all of a sudden, Shit Cook. Something happen?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." While there was a lot of heat behind Sanji's words, he didn't kick Ghin the way he usually would have for asking about his feelings. Luffy frowned. That just confirmed that something was _definitely_ wrong. And his next words thoroughly confirmed it.

"There were spoilers involved."

Oh, dear… If it was something bad enough that Jones was spilling spoilers, yeah… Luffy flinched. There was something wrong there, if Jones needed to break that rule… And he didn't particularly want to know what it was. But if Sanji was _this_ bitter, then as captain Luffy might _have_ to get involved.

"What should we do, though?" Luffy looked at his crew mates one by one. He was met with multiple different expressions- confusion, anger, reluctance, conflict.

Nami bit her lip. "Well… Ordering her to tell you about her plans beforehand was a good start. Should probably change it to her keeping us _all_ in the loop, though."

Almost everyone nodded- although Ghin and Lisa were slightly more hesitant. Then Drifter held up a sign. _And maybe add a caveat that we- and especially_ you _\- be involved in_ forming _said plans._

"But I don't _like_ planning," Luffy grumbled. "It's too complicated. And Jones is good at it… Right?"

"Just because she's _good_ at something like that doesn't mean she should be given completely free reign," Zoro said flatly. "Just imagine what would've happened if Kuro or Krieg was left to do stuff because _they were good at it_. I'm not saying Jones is as bad as them, but if you just let her keep doing whatever she wants… Well, I won't follow a woman who's prone to underhanded plotting, whether she has good reasons or no- but I _can't_ follow a man who won't stand up for himself when he needs to. Even against his friends."

Luffy found himself drooping, unable to meet Zoro's eyes. His bosun was right. Even if he wasn't the sort to give lots of orders, he needed to know that they would be _obeyed_ if he did. He needed his crew to respect him as a captain and… He couldn't tell if Jones did or not. She said she was sure he'd be king of the pirates, but… could he be, if he just let one of his crewmates run rampant?

Sighing, Luffy raised his eyes to meet Zoro's. "Saa… You're right. After this- After this, me'n Jones need to have a _talk_."

Zoro nodded in approval. All over the ship, other members of the crew looked relieved as the tension was largely put on hold. Except Sanji. _He_ still looked like he wanted to stab someone to death with a spoon, but if he didn't want to talk about it…

Oh. Wait. This was one of those things he needed to be a more assertive captain about, wasn't it?

Wandering over to Sanji, Luffy planted himself in front of the cook. "Ne… Sanji? I know you said there's spoilers involved, so I don't wanna know those, but… I need you to tell me a bit of what's wrong, 'kay?"

The cook didn't immediately respond, so Luffy prodded him gently. "It's got to do with Jones, right? And I'm tryna figure out what to do about her. So you've gotta tell me. Captain's orders."

Grumbling, Sanji tossed the butt of his spent cigarette into one of the trays Chopper had placed around the _Merry_ for that purpose. "Shit… Fine. Shitty witch wants to poison a bastard- has some big overkill plan to make sure he ends up _dead_. But she can't cook for shit… So I got the story outta her and her reasons are _good_ \- good enough that just this once, I'm willing to be in on that shit. But it still leaves a shitty taste in my mouth."

Wow… But… Food was so important to Sanji. What could-? Luffy groaned internally as he accidentally figured out the spoiler. "Does this have something to do with when Ace and Jones were crying earlier? And she was talking about him dying?"

Oh, no… Luffy's heart was suddenly tearing in two directions. On the one hand, he wanted his brother to be safe and alive, even if that came at a high price. On the other, though… He couldn't allow his crewmates to bully each other into going against the things that made them, _them._ The rubber boy reached up and placed a hand on Sanji's shoulder.

"Sanji… You don't hafta listen to Jones if you don't wanna. If her plan makes you uncomfortable, we'll find a way to make something else work instead."

Frowning, the cook sighed. "It's too late. The shitty pie's already in the oven."

Luffy opened his mouth to suggest something, but Sanji cut him off with another heavy sigh. "And no, I won't just get rid of it. Throwing the shitty thing out's even more of a waste than poisoning the bastard. It's just a shitty deal all 'round."

Oh, no… Luffy wasn't sure _what_ to do with that. Letting out a little sigh of his own, the rubber captain gave his cook's shoulder a comforting squeeze. Sanji huffed. A few seconds later, the cook pulled away and went to the galley to check on his deadly dessert.

For several long minutes, the ship was engulfed in awkward silence. The only sound was that of Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku tinkering away. It made Luffy fidgety; he didn't _like_ his crew to be uncomfortable. As soon as this Jaya island was done, they needed to fix this.

Then, about five minutes after Jones left, Usopp suddenly jumped up and raced across the ship, yelling. "We did it! We got the suits watertight! So if anyone wants to dive for treasure and stuff, we can!"

"How many people can go down?" Nami demanded. Usopp froze.

"Ah… Um… Three." The gunner rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "We only had enough empty barrels and rubber to make three suits- I wasn't about to use the barrel Jones was storing powdered apple seeds in."

Luffy bounced over excitedly before anyone else could say anything. This was _just_ what he needed- adventure always helped him think. Maybe something in the sunken ship would help him figure out what to do with his crew.

"I wanna go!"

Usopp grinned and rubbed his nose. "Sure thing, Luffy! The Great Usopp and his helpers have created a surefire way to keep even Devil Fruit users moving and breathing under water. Although you won't be able to use your powers…"

"That's fine. Not like I'm gonna be fighting down there- just digging through a bunch of old stuff."

Nodding absently, Usopp rubbed at his chin. "And Jones said something about picking up shells… Wonder what that was all about…"

Luffy flinched. A small part of him wanted to tell everyone just to ignore that, simply because it was Jones who said it and he was trying to rein her in. But at the same time, the things she said were usually useful… Groaning, the rubber captain rubbed his head. Shanks had never mentioned how _hard_ being a captain was.

"I'll go too," Zoro offered, stepping up beside Luffy and placing his hand on the rubber boy's shoulder.

Grateful for his bosun's continued support, Luffy found himself looking around for Sanji. But… the cook was in the galley, putting the finishing touches on the pie he'd made for Jones' plan. That made Luffy feel… A little lost, actually. Sanji was a good man to have at his back, even if Zoro and the cook fought worse than cats and dogs.

Nami's eyes were glowing beri symbols, though, so it didn't take Luffy long to find a volunteer to fill out their party. The sailing master licked her lips. "Ancient treasure… Who _knows_ what's down there? It could be worth a fortune!"

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Not gonna stay up here and keep an eye on the log pose?"

Rolling her eyes, Nami tapped on the thick, mesh-coated glass. "It's not changing any time soon, and we won't be moving until everyone's back up. It'll be fine."

Getting into the suits Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku was… _interesting_. The main body of the suit was a large barrel, with rubber hip-waders and sleeves sealed on with some sort of resin. Once they'd squeezed into that- Luffy and Nami had a much easier time than Zoro- there was another barrel worn as a helmet. It sealed on with a heavy brass attachment at the neck. A _very_ long hose came off the top of that, trailing and looping over to a small pump operated by Yosaku.

"Are you sure these things will hold?" Nami asked. Her voice echoed strangely through her barrel.

Usopp nodded and flashed a thumbs-up. "Of course! Between my technical know-how and Johnny and Yosaku's chemical expertise, there's nothing that could break these suits!"

"If you say so…" Nami didn't look too convinced- although she still waddled over to the rail with Luffy and Zoro, the diving suit turning her usually graceful strides into something heavy and stiff.

Grinning, Luffy jumped over the rails and plunged into the water, his bosun and sailing master following a second later. The rubber captain felt a brief thrill of fear as water splashed up around him. It was reflexive- for so many years, water rising up around him like that had meant an inability to move and breathe. Luffy held his breath, bracing himself.

But then the water rose up past the faceplate of his helmet barrel and he could _still breathe_. He could _still move_ \- he wasn't even _wet_. This was _amazing_.

Luffy was eager to look around as he sank beneath the waves. He'd _never_ been able to dive, to see the world under the sea. And it was _beautiful_. All blue and green, with flickering shadows like nothing Luffy had ever seen on land. It was like being inside a giant sapphire.

Dozens of fish spiralled through the water, of every shape and size. A school of tiny silver flickering things scattered below Luffy's feet as he descended, hundreds of shimmering darts. They moved almost faster than his eyes could track.

He wondered if they were tasty.

As the trio sank deeper, the broken hull of the fallen ship rose up out of the depths like a shadowy ribcage. It was no longer upside down; no, the great hulk had rolled onto one side as it plunged through the water. A few artifacts- cannon, ammunition, a great brass bell- were scattered around it on the seafloor. Small amounts of silt floated on the currents, not yet settled after the ship's descent.

"So cool!" Luffy bounced sluggishly through the water, feeling weightless. Picking up the bell, he gave it a loud ring. Distorted sound spread through the waves, a perfect accompaniment to the puffs of silt thrown up by the rubber boy's footsteps.

Nami drifted over and tapped him on the shoulder. When she spoke, though, Luffy couldn't make out the words. Her voice was too distorted. Huh… This was a time when talking with their hands would be a _really_ good idea. He should get someone on that. Maybe Lisa- she was little, but she'd been a spy-type for a while, so she might know how that worked.

"What?" Luffy pressed his barrel helmet close to Nami's in the hopes it would help him hear her better when she repeated herself. It didn't.

Rolling her eyes, the sailing master jabbed a finger at a shell lying in the sand, then traced a series of lines over one of her forearms with her forefinger. Oh. Right. Jones had said to pick up any odd-looking shells. They must be important somehow. But… Luffy's head started to ache as the troubles he'd been worried about topside followed him to the depths of the sea.

"Grr… Mmm…" Finally, the rubber boy nodded. He'd demand an explanation from Jones later, but if the shells were important… Luffy made the movement very big and obvious, since normal head motions didn't register through the stiff suits.

Nodding back, Nami bent to retrieve the shell- then straightened with a snap, clutching it tightly in one hand. With her other, she pointed at something over Luffy's shoulder. Spinning around, the young captain almost knocked himself off his feet as he got tangled in his breathing hose.

When he saw what Nami had been pointing at, Luffy sighed and charged sluggishly across the seabed. A slow, skidding tackle sent him crashing into Zoro's knees, knocking the bosun off his feet before he could wander off into the darkness. Although… He probably couldn't get _too_ far, since his breathing hose was still attached to the _Going Merry_. Luffy didn't want to take chances, though.

Zoro glared at his captain, yelling something that came across as a garbled roar. Shaking his head, Luffy responded even though he knew his bosun couldn't hear him. "Don't wander off and get lost!"

The pair clumsily got to their feet; Luffy kept a grip on Zoro's hand and hauled the swordsman back towards the sunken ship. Nami shook her head at them as the approached, reaching out to untangle their breathing hoses. Her faceplate fogged briefly as she sighed. Then all three pirates entered the _St. Briss_ through a hole in the side.

Once inside the ship, it was much darker and very hard to see. Luffy groped about with one hand, sliding his feet so he didn't trip over anything. That was a big concern- there was _stuff_ scattered everywhere. Barrels and crates and cannon had been tossed about as the ship crashed down. Most were barely visible in the dark and the silt.

His other hand held the bell. Now that they were inside, he was less worried about Zoro wandering off, and the bell was pretty. He could hang it on _Merry_ somewhere; she'd probably like it.

Rifling through the supplies scattered everywhere made Luffy wish Usopp had managed to equip the diving suits with pockets. There was so much _cool stuff!_ Pretty shells and gems and weapons and art- although the weapons and art were mostly ruined by age or their sudden encounter with water. Luffy paused for a moment at the sight of one of the less damaged pictures- a portrait of a blonde woman, protected by thick glass.

She looked a bit like Sanji. Maybe she was one of his ancestors.

Nami had picked up a ratty sack from somewhere among the debris, which she was filling with shells. The sailing master also periodically tapped on and shook various chests and crates, frowning. Some of them she left where she'd found them; others, she tossed into a pile in the middle of an old net. Probably the ones that had treasure in them.

Zoro was going through a stash of weapons that had been scattered through one corner. Muskets and swords- older and in a different style than anything Luffy had ever seen before. Some of them were quite pretty… Or would've been, if they hadn't been rusty and pitted with age. The rubber boy could see a scowl on his swordsman's face; Zoro was muttering something as he picked up, then replaced each weapon.

A large fish raced out from behind a barrel as Luffy tried to pry open the lid, a thick streak of dull gold nearly knocking him over. He yelped and backpedalled, flinging the barrel lid at the fish as he tore it free. He missed.

Out of the barrel floated an oddly coloured, dusty fluid. Inside were… pickled herring. _Ancient_ pickled herring. Seriously, this ship had been in the sky for _how_ long? Luffy doubted even Sanji could make something that old taste good.

Wafting the greenish fluid away so he could see again, Luffy moved around the barrel to a set of broken shelves. They didn't have much of anything on them, though- or at least, nothing that was in one piece. Except one box. There was one box that was still whole, and a very odd box at that. Luffy picked it up, turning it over in his hands. It was a very sturdy box with a heavy lock on it; the way it was made almost appeared watertight. The rubber captain shook it to see if he could figure out what might be inside.

Distracted with trying to figure out the gentle thumping produced by shaking the box, Luffy didn't notice the shadow approaching through the water. Not until a large hand reached out to grab the box from him. Startled, Luffy jumped back, drifting slowly through the water. Standing before him was a large man, wearing a much cooler looking diving suit than the heavy barrel suits Usopp had made. Although its helmet was just as awkward, with a tiny faceplate that prevented Luffy from seeing the newcomer at all.

"Oi!" Luffy shouted indignantly, "I was here first!"

Of course, the newcomer didn't hear him. Instead, the towering man wound up as if he intended to punch Luffy. The rubber captain growled and stepped in with a roundhouse kick- just because he couldn't use his powers didn't mean he wasn't going to fight back! His crew got here first! Finder's keepers!

Before either Luffy or the newcomer could make contact with their attacks, the surface on which they were standing suddenly shifted. Out of the corner of his eye, Luffy caught a glimpse of Nami quickly wrapping up her pile of treasures and scrambling to get out of the ship, hauling her net behind her. Zoro followed soon after- the swordsman groped around his waist for a moment as he looked around, before realizing he didn't have his swords at the moment, and couldn't see what he was trying to fight anyway.

A second shift upended the wrecked ship and sent it rolling. Luffy abandoned the idea of fighting the stranger for salvage, scrambling for the opening he'd entered by so as to avoid tearing his breathing hose. And it _was_ a scramble. Having never learned how to swim, Luffy was forced to climb over broken shelves and rolling barrels. An ancient cannonball, falling through the water, nearly hit him in the head as the ship shifted around him; wood splinters drifted in the spiralling currents.

And then Luffy was free, jumping sluggishly out of the hole in the hull of the _St. Briss_. The rubber boy, still clinging to the bell and box he'd picked up, kicked off the side of the ancient ship as hard as he could to launch himself upwards. It rolled under his foot- but not from his kick. No, it rolled _towards_ him, adding to his momentum, as a giant turtle rose from the bottom of the sea.

"So cool…" That was even bigger than the turtle Robin had the first time they saw her! What ever happened to that turtle anyway? Maybe she'd been borrowing it from someone, and it had gone home now. Yeah, that had to be it.

Something latched onto the back of Luffy's diving suit- he couldn't turn his head to see who or what- and hauled him to the surface. The rubber boy found himself deposited on the deck of the _Going Merry_. Taking his helmet off and crawling out of his suit, the captain shook his head. Ah, it was so nice to be able to see all the way around him.

Ghin was standing behind him- probably the person who'd pull Luffy out. Not far away, Usopp was aiming his slingshot at the giant turtle as it rose out of the water. The gunner's knees were shaking. There was no sign of Ace, Sanji, or Lisa- or Ace's little boat, for that matter. They must've left to do their bit of… Whatever Jones' plan was.

Not far from the _Going Merry_ was a much larger ship. Its figurehead was a monkey holding cymbals, and there was a monkey face with crossed bananas painted across the mainsail. Potted plants were strewn about the edges of its upper decks; the lower deck had a bunch of strange devices lined up by the rails. Pumps and winches and other things that Luffy didn't understand.

The stranger who'd tried to grab the box from Luffy clambered up the side of the large ship. Removing his diving suit revealed a muscular, very hairy man with a fleshy face. And… A tail? So he wasn't a man; he was a-

"Cool! I didn't know monkeys could sail!" Luffy bounced on the rail of the _Merry_ , doing his best not to fall in. Judging by the way Zoro grabbed the back of his shirt, his crewmates didn't trust him to look after himself, though.

Mouth open to shout, the tailed stranger froze and started blushing. "Aw, shucks… Thanks dude!"

Then he shook his head. "Oi! Your compliments won't distract me, asshole! You jerks were salvaging on my turf! No one steals loot from Salvage King Masira of the Saruyama Alliance!"

"Shut up! We were here first!" Stomping on the rail, Luffy tensed, ready to jump over to the other ship to fight. And he wasn't the only one.

Nami actually _growled_ one hand on her net full of chests and crates. "Under World Government Law, Article 1989, Subsection 23, the salvage of a ship dating less than eight hundred years in age is property of the one who found it- _regardless_ of location. You may patrol this area regularly, but _we_ found the wreck first, so _we_ have right of claim!"

"You wanna try and back that up, Little Girl?" The monkey man clenched his fists and pounded his chest, glancing at the space between their ships as if to judge the distance in between.

Luffy's crewmates didn't take too kindly to the implied threat to their sailing master. Usopp switched from aiming at the retreating turtle to the salvage equipment on the monkey's ship; Zoro and Toma drew their swords. Ghin had a pistol drawn in one hand, while the other spun one of his tonfa. Johnny and Yosaku both had their spray guns set to 100%- whatever that meant. Geier hissed and flared her wings, Drifter clinking his clam blades together on her back. Chopper popped into his Heavy Point and extended his hockey stick, smacking it menacingly against one palm. Off to the side, Robin crossed her arms in front of her chest. Beside Luffy, Ruatha snarled and pawed at the deck.

And on the other deck, the monkey crew was just as ready for a fight. Two dozen men- as large and hairy as their captain and wearing the same orange jumpsuits- drew swords and cocked pistols. They also yelled loudly with wordless enthusiasm, reminding Luffy of _actual_ monkeys. Whooping and stomping… It was almost enough to give Luffy flashbacks to the monkeys Grandpa used to make him fight.

 _ **KRA-KACHOW!**_

One of the guns went off. The bullet soared over the heads of Luffy's crew, punching through a corner of the mainsail to embed itself into one of _Merry_ 's horns. Gold-painted wood cracked.

"That was a warning shot!" Masira shouted as the man beside him reloaded a musket. "Next ones go into your heads if you don't hand over the salvage and get off our territory!"

Oh, that was… _No one_ threatened his crew! Luffy stretched over to grab the rail of the other ship, preparing to Rocket over. "Fuck off, asshole! We're not giving you anything! And _stop blowing holes in my ship!_ "

About to haul himself over, Luffy was suddenly frozen when the monkey men went stiff. Looks of abject terror began to grow over their faces; one of them began frantically rifling through a stack of bounty posters. All the monkey men were staring at something in the sky behind Luffy's head. The rubber boy didn't turn to look, though- he wasn't about to take his eyes off anyone who'd threatened to shoot his crew. Not for a second.

A strange whistling noise filled the air as the monkey men grew paler. It was followed by an eerie, yet heartening song. "KREEEEEEEAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!"

Heavy wingbeats filled the air. The monkey man who'd been looking through bounty posters dropped all the papers he'd been holding with a squeak.

Bright blue wings swooped low over Luffy's head in a blur, led by a spear of flaming gold. A bird the size of a large swan shot over both ships, circled around, and landed on the rail beside Luffy. The force of its wingbeats actually knocked him back onto the deck, making him release the monkeys' boat. His arm snapped back, nearly hitting him in the face.

Across the way, the monkey men had all gone eerily silent. Except for one that appeared to be whimpering for his mommy.

Bright blue and gold flames started at the tips of the bird's wings, crawling slowly upward with a soft, soothing hiss. They formed a mesmerizing dance as they moved; Luffy couldn't look away. Behind them, rather than ash, the flames left pale skin and magenta cloth. Once the flames reached the bird's torso, they also moved down its legs, revealing blue pants and a turquoise sash.

The last place the flames passed was the bird's head, leaving a long face with sleepy-looking eyes. And… Hair shaped like pineapple leaves? So cool! Luffy's mouth started to water; he shook his head to get rid of the feeling. Now was _not_ the time!

…

Pineapples were yummy…

Shaking his head again, the rubber captain got to his feet with a growl. He had more important things to think about than tasty fruit! Luffy narrowed his eyes at the newcomer. "Who're you?"

Sleepy eyes blinked at him. "You… You must be Luffy, yoi. Where's Ace?"

"Not here," Luffy snapped. "Now answer! Who are you?"

In the few seconds it took for the bird man to speak again, Luffy was acutely aware of everyone's eyes on him. Most of his own crew were just confused- although Johnny and Yosaku looked like they might be about to piss themselves in fear. The other crew, though… All the monkey men looked like they'd just seen a ghost. A ghost who was about to eat them, then get its head cut off by a bigger, scarier ghost.

The bird man smirked and shook his head. "Eheh… With what Ace told us, I shouldn't be surprised, yoi. My name's Marco; I'm on the same crew as your brother. He called me and a couple of our brothers who were in the area about a little problem we've been having, yoi."

Oh… This guy was… "You're here to help fight the Beardface guy Jones hates? They've… Already left to do some of her sneaky plan stuff."

Nami finally broke the silence by tossing a bottle that bounced off the back of Luffy's head. "Don't trust random birds who turn into people just because they say they're part of Ace's crew! He could be lying!"

Johnny and Yosaku, both trembling, shook their heads in unison. At some point while Luffy wasn't looking, the blue hunter had jumped into his partner's arms. "N-No, Big Sis. That- That's Marco the Phoenix… He's the First Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates."

The silence returned as Nami froze, her eyes wide. Marco shook his head, chuckling. "Well… You're certainly interesting, yoi. Most rookie crews would've gone running before I even finished transforming. Not that doing _that_ would necessarily get them away, yoi."

The way he smirked as he said that reminded Luffy of Benn Beckman. A smile grew across the rubber boy's face. Meeting other pirates was so much _fun_. And at least, seeing one of them… Yeah, he could be confident that Ace had a good crew to look after him. They might not do it quite as well as Luffy and Sabo would've done, but if Ace was happy, that was what mattered most.

"Where a-?" Luffy's question was interrupted by a shout from the other side of the _Going Merry_. Or rather… Below her rails. The voice wasn't one Luffy recognized.

"Hey Marco! Where'd ya go?"

"I'm up here!" Marco's voice somehow managed to be as sleepy as his eyes even when shouting.

A short boy in a frilly green jacket jumped up from a small boat bobbing below the _Merry_. His boots made a light tapping noise as he landed on the rail, perching like a bird. A light sabre hung from his hip; catlike eyes smiled at Luffy from under coppery bangs. Then suddenly the boy blurred green, lunging forward faster than Luffy could properly track. The rubber captain barely had time to let out a yell of surprise-

"Eeeyaaah!"

-before a pair of wiry arms wrapped around him, squeezing him tight. The green boy hummed happily, dancing in place.

"So this is Ace's baby brother! He's so cute! Can we keep him, Marco?"

Luffy squirmed in the unexpected grip. The other boy was surprisingly strong, though- strong enough that Luffy actually _wasn't_ sure he could escape without starting a fight. And he didn't _want_ to start a fight right now. Or at least, not with Ace's crew mates.

Zoro, however, seemed to have no such issues. The bosun drew _Wado Ichimonji_ and pointed it at the green boy's head. "Unhand my captain. _Now_."

Sighing, the newcomer released Luffy and took a step back. He pouted playfully, feline eyes lit up with mirth. "Spoilsport…"

Chuckling, Marco reached out to pat the green boy on the head. "Better luck next time, Haruta. Maybe try with someone who _doesn't_ want to challenge Pops for Roger's crown, yoi."

"Fine…"

Still chuckling, Marco shook his head. "Where's Namur? I thought he was with you."

"I'm here." This third voice was low and rumbling. A blue-grey hand, shiny and dripping with water, rose up to grab the rail of the _Going Merry_. Its owner climbed into view a second later- a towering shark fishman with a large, blunt head. Six knife-like teeth jutted upwards from his lower jaw, emphasizing a slight underbite; he had the number eight tattooed on the left side of his neck. As grumpy and serious as his face looked with its huge teeth and spiky hair, it contrasted with his playful white and blue shirt.

Nami stiffened and went pale at the sight of the fishman, taking a step back. Luffy tensed. He didn't _think_ Ace's crewmate would hurt her… But with what Arlong had put her through, it wasn't surprising she was scared. The rubber captain edged between his sailing master and this Namur person, just in case something happened.

And he wasn't the only one. Behind him, Usopp reached out to grab Nami's hand, while Ghin rested one of _his_ hands on her shoulder. And scared as they were, Johnny and Yosaku moved to stand on either side of Luffy, all but blocking Namur and Nami from seeing each other.

"Should we be expecting anyone _else_ to show up?" Zoro asked, still holding _Wado Ichimonji_. Marco shook his head.

"Nah, Pops just sent out the three of us and Ace. Which brings me back to my earlier question, yoi- _where's Ace?_ "

"He went ahead," Chopper piped in, resting the butt of his hockey stick on the deck like some sort of walking staff. "To… I think it was Jaya? There were some things Jones wanted people to set up before the fight, so Ace, Sanji, and Lisa went with her."

Marco looked concerned at that, his sleepily playful expression morphing into a frown. "If Blackbeard's already there, that wasn't a good idea, yoi. Ace… Isn't known for sticking to a plan once he loses his temper."

Luffy nodded solemnly. "I know. But… I think he will this time. He'n Jones… _Talked_. And then we hugged them, 'cause they were both so sad. So I think Ace'll be alright this time."

"If you say so…" Marco huffed, not looking convinced. "I'd still feel better if we got moving sooner rather than later, yoi. In case there are any _issues_."

That made sense. Nodding, Luffy pointed in the direction Jones had asked him to launch her. "Jaya's… Over there somewhere. Not exactly sure how far. Just a minute, though; we gotta handle something."

Turning back to face the monkey ship, the rubber boy cracked his knuckles. "You guys threatened Nami and hurt _Merry_. I don't like you."

Much to his surprise, most of the monkey men cowered. Masira whined and bowed. "Please… Don't hurt us. We didn't know you were connected to such a powerful crew."

Luffy's eye twitched. There it was again, the same as with Shuraiya- people underestimated him because his crew didn't have a bounty, only respecting him when they learned about his _older brother_. Growling, the young captain launched himself over to the monkey ship and got right up in Masira's face.

" _That shouldn't matter_ ," Luffy growled, grabbing the large monkey man by one of the straps of his jumpsuit, lifting him slightly. "I am _me_ , and my crew is _my crew._ I'm _more_ than just 'Fire Fist' Ace's baby brother, and my crew is _awesome_ _**without**_ needing help from his. Just 'cause we don't have a bounty doesn't mean you can walk all over us."

Whimpering, Masira nodded. "Yessir!"

This guy… He may look cool, but he was a _coward_. And not _really_ a bad guy, even if Luffy didn't like him much. Bit of an idiot, too. Luffy dropped Masira with another growl. "Good."

Turning away to head back to his own ship, though, Luffy just didn't feel _right_. Masira wasn't _worth_ fighting, really, but… He'd still threatened Luffy's crew. Spinning back around, the rubber boy slammed a single punch into the monkey man's head.

"THAT'S FOR THREATENING MY CREW AND SHOOTING _MERRY_!"

A quick leap carried Luffy back to his own ship. Behind him, Masira's crewmates gathered worriedly around their captain. He seemed alright, though. His eyes were spinning and Luffy's fist had left a giant lump on the top of his head, but there was no bleeding, and Masira remained more or less conscious.

Marco shot Luffy an appraising look as the young captain straightened his hat. "No bounty? How'd you kids manage to get this far like _that_ , yoi? I'd've thought anyone related to Ace'd be causing all kinds of chaos if left to their own devices."

"My quartermaster's a sneaky ninja spy person who keeps meddling," Luffy grumbled. Damn… There was that feeling of being annoyed at Jones again. "I know she wants to help, but… _Ergh_."

Luffy clutched at the edges of his hat. This was _so frustrating!_ But he didn't want to think about it right now. Later, when they were all back together again- _then_ he could deal with this. "Let's just get going…"

"Without even letting _me_ aboard? I'm hurt." A new voice- this one _very_ familiar- sounded off _Merry_ 's stern. It was accompanied by the hollow thump of wood on wood- in this case, a small skiff bumping against the hull of a much larger caravel.

Excitement raced down Luffy's spine, washing away his annoyance. He launched himself up to the poop deck and reached over, grabbing a leather-gloved hand to haul his blond brother aboard. "SABO! YOU CAME!"

"Of course I did." Sabo ruffled Luffy's hair as the rubber boy enveloped him in a hug. Blue eyes glinted harshly. "Jones said Ace might _die_ if this fails- I'm not about to let that happen."

Unlike when they'd seen him in Alabasta, Sabo was carrying _three_ pipes. Luffy was a bit confused by this. How could Sabo use three pipes at once? Unless… "Can you fight with a weapon in your mouth like Zoro? So cool!"

Sabo chuckled and pressed their foreheads together for a moment before disentangling himself from Luffy. "Shishishishishi! No, silly. I got these for you and Ace. Didn't Jones say something about it being not a good idea for Devil Fruit users to touch this person? So I went to Dawn Island to pick them up."

A smirk split his face, making the old scars twist and knot. "Dadan wasn't particularly pleased. Old bitch tried to club me- I think she thought I was some fresh meat trying to make a move on her turf. Then when I finally got her to settle down long enough to explain who I was, she started screaming at me for being an ungrateful brat and abandoning my brothers, and how she didn't miss me at all." Sabo's smirk broadened. "Of course… That second bit would've been more believable if she wasn't bawling her eyes out. Sentimental old hag."

Luffy couldn't help but snicker. That sure sounded like Dadan, alright.

Still smirking, Sabo passed Luffy one of the pipes he was carrying as he took a look around. "I see you've got someone new since Alabasta. Who's the kid?"

Toma jumped to attention before Luffy could answer, stumbling over his words as his face flushed red. His eyes kept flicking over to Marco, as if something about the Whitebeard pirate made him nervous. Well… Ace's crewmates _were_ pretty tough, so that might be it.

"My name's Toma, sir! I'm a swordsman, apprenticed to Roronoa Zoro!"

"Cute…" Sabo's eyes danced. "And I see some of Ace's other brothers are joining the party as well. A pleasure to have you aboard, Phoenix, Cat-Eye, Maelstrom."

Marco, Haruta, and Namur all looked at Sabo with narrowed eyes. The Phoenix cleared his throat. "And who might you be, yoi? This was supposed to be a _family_ affair."

Sabo's smirk morphed into a pout. "You mean… Ace didn't talk about me?"

The three Whitebeards shook their heads. Haruta fiddled absently with one of the frills on his jacket. "Nope. Pretty sure I'd remember him talking about someone with _your_ fashion sense. Nice coat, by the way."

"You as well." Sabo tipped his hat with a sigh. "Well… It _is_ Ace of which we speak. I suppose that if he thought I was dead, he wouldn't want to talk about me very much. I'm his and Luffy's other brother, Sabo."

"Sa- _the crossed-out S_." Namur grunted in understanding. "So _that's_ it. But… Can you fight?"

"Shishishishishi! Oh, Ace… You're such a sap." Sabo shook his head with a fond smile. "And there's no need to worry about me, gentlemen- I can hold my own. Chief of Staff of the Revolutionary Army… _Although_ I'd prefer if _that_ bit of information never left this ship."

Marco smirked at that revelation, his eyes calculating. Haruta whistled. As for Namur… The fishman was much harder to read. But Luffy was pretty sure that was a nod of approval.

Sabo smiled and tipped his hat once again; then he turned and looked at Luffy. "So… Anyone _else_ we're waiting for, or is this it?"

"Nope. Can't think of anybody else." Luffy bounced in place, taking a few experimental swings with his pipe. It felt so familiar… Like he'd just stopped using it yesterday instead of months and _years_ ago. "Let's go!"

Ghin nodded. "Yeah… Before Jones manages to get herself gutted or something." The rigger spun one of his tonfa anxiously.

Luffy's crewmates nodded and quickly took up their usual positions- albeit _after_ hauling Sabo and Haruta's little skiffs onto the deck. Nami took great care to stay as far from Namur as her duties would allow. That was… Understandable, but worrying. Luffy's face heated up as he tried to think of a way to help her not be so scared. At least the fishman didn't seem too offended by it; he stayed politely by one rail, occasionally offering to help someone but mostly just staring at the horizon.

Yosaku pointed at the monkey ship as the _Merry_ pulled up anchor and started on her way. "Should we… do anything about them?"

"Nah." Luffy shook his head as he climbed into the rigging. "They're idiots… But they're not bad. Let's just leave 'em."

Still shaken, but doing her best to hide it, Nami glanced up from her charts. "Alright… If Jones' calculations were anywhere near correct, we should be at least _seeing_ this Jaya place in about half an hour. Hopefully the away team won't have done anything stupid by then."

That made Sabo laugh. " _Ace_ is with them. He may have gotten better since we were kids, but I wouldn't place any bets on _that_."

Ghin snorted. "Funny… I was just about to say almost the same thing about Jones."

Ruatha, who had been stealthily edging towards Marco, paused to sweatdrop, his wings drooping. "Monah _los_ mey…"

X

Sanji kept a careful eye on Lisa as the _Striker_ jetted forward. Not that this was hard- due to the limited space, the little girl was forced to sit on his lap the whole way. And it wasn't like she was a Devil Fruit user, unable to keep herself afloat if she fell overboard. Still… The cook worried. He couldn't live with himself if he allowed a lady to come to harm, and that went extra for young girls.

"Are we there yet?" Lisa fiddled with The Pie- since _she_ was on _Sanji's_ lap, _it_ had to be carried on _hers_.

Sanji could hardly bear to look at the thing. He hoped- _prayed_ \- that the old geezer would understand. Cooking… The kitchen was sacred. Tampering with food was a _sin_. But… But if he hadn't, a man his shitty captain loved might very well _die_. What Jones had said… Luffy going through Hell alone, only to have his brother _die in his arms_ , with _none of his crew there to support him_ …

Well, Sanji may not have loved his _own_ brothers enough to know what that was like, but the thought still made him shudder. Possibly because rather than Ichiji, Niji, and Yonji, the faces that came to mind when he thought of _brothers_ now belonged to men he could actually respect. The moss-head, the war dog, and the shit captain. As much as he fought with them, it was a _different_ sort of fighting, and he actually found himself _reluctant_ to lose them.

And while he didn't have the same feeling for Ace, he didn't want his captain to be in that kind of pain.

"Not yet!" Ace answered Lisa, yelling a little to be audible over the roar of his flames. "Soon though! See that line on the horizon? Pretty sure that's it!"

The freckled pirate adjusted their course in a smooth motion. And… Well, for all that he was a bit angry at her for springing the shitty poison pie thing on him, Sanji couldn't help but be a bit impressed. Jones had predicted the location of the island down to a couple hundred meters. That was something he'd thought only his darling Nami could pull off.

Lisa bit her lip and stared at the rapidly growing landmass. "Do… Do you think she can _really_ handle the guy she almost forgot?"

"We'll find out soon enough." Sanji's voice felt heavy. "Shithead was some sort of sniper or something, right? If she failed, he'll be taking shitty potshots at us as soon as we get in range."

Behind them, Ace laughed. "Come on you two, have a little more faith in your crewmate! I'm sure she knows what she's doing!"

"She _thinks_ she knows what she's doing," Lisa mumbled, fidgeting. "But every time Jones wanders off alone, she gets herself almost killed… What if, one of these days, it's more than just almost?"

The little girl slumped. Sanji rubbed her back soothingly. He… Couldn't really deny it, though. Ever since he'd met the Straw Hat crew, letting the world-walker do her own thing had always resulted in more scars and bleeding. Chemical burns, dinosaurs, Ace… Sometimes it seemed like Jones had a dea- oh. Right. At one point she had.

Jaya grew rapidly closer and closer, until the three pirates were zipping by under her very cliffs. On one of the promontories above stood a very strange house. It was… Oddly flat, like a giant painting. Sanji didn't get a good look at it, though. The _Striker_ passed far too quickly.

Now that they were close to the island, Ace seemed to be looking for something. Not slowing down, though, which made Sanji roll his eyes. Stupid New World shitheads with their stupid Haki… If the freckled pirate would just _slow his ass down_ a little and tell Sanji and Lisa what he was looking for, they might be able to _help_.

"What's the matter, Shitty Fireball?" the cook demanded. "Trying to spot that Blackbeard shithead or something? I thought you promised not to attack before the rest of the crew showed up."

"Give me _some_ credit!" Ace snapped. "I'm looking for a decent _battlefield_ \- no point having all these mines if we've got nowhere to bury 'em!"

Oh. Okay then. Sanji felt a little sheepish. He should've thought of that. The cook bit his lip, growling at his own oversight.

And then they rounded a peninsula and were suddenly within sight of a large, somewhat shabby _town_. Ace still didn't slow, his _Striker_ darting across the bay- great for minimizing their chances of being seen or hit, _not_ great for Sanji's paranoia as the cook examined all the rooves in sight for potential snipers. He didn't _think_ he saw any, but he couldn't be sure… The only thing distinct enough for him to pick up at the speed they were going was a couple blocks a little ways inland that looked like they'd recently had their buildings reduced to _rubble_.

There were no gunshots, though, and no bullets splashing down around them, so that was probably a good sign.

Ace finally started to slow down once they were out of sight of the town, pulling into one of a number of small bays. The soil, when the pirates disembarked from their craft, was loose and sandy- easy to dig in, and more importantly, to _hide_ the locations of their digging. A few scattered trees and rocks provided minimal cover.

Ace carried the crate of mines inland a little ways before stopping and nodding. "Alright. This looks like as good a place as any. We're close enough to town that Jones should be able to lead Blackbeard here, and we can sort of hide, if it's an ambush she wants."

The freckled pirate immediately began digging, setting up the mines at random locations. Rolling his eyes, Sanji moved to help, kicking holes in the ground for the devices to sit in. Lisa followed, placing the mines and filling in the holes.

"How will Jones know where we are, though?" the little girl wondered, biting her lip. "To lead that Blackbeard guy here… And… The rest of the crew, too. Do we have a way of signalling them?"

Ace froze; Sanji felt all his limbs go heavy. Because… They didn't. They really didn't. _How had no one thought of that?_ Being able to tell everyone else where they were was _kind of_ important. Groaning, Sanji felt a strong temptation to wander over to the nearest tree and start banging his head against it.

He _didn't_ , but the temptation was there.

"We're all shitty _idiots_ …" The cook rubbed his temples. "And Jones is the shittiest idiot of all. I could _kill_ her for all she puts us through."

Well… Not really, although currently it felt like it. He wouldn't, though- she was _family_. And… technically a lady? Sometimes? Sanji was still confused on that point. Although… The shitty geezer had let her work for a few days, while he usually didn't allow women as employees because the _Baratie_ could be so rough. Was it because the rest of the crew had been there to protect her? Or had Zeff understood her gender issues without being told?

The old man _was_ pretty insightful like that, sometimes.

Hopefully he at least wouldn't be upset with Sanji for kicking her, when they met again. The blond chef winced. Sparring was one thing, but to actually _lose it_ like that and kick a- sometimes?- lady… Even if it _was_ because of the poisoned food, Zeff probably wouldn't be happy… Although Jones could certainly take a hit, so maybe things wouldn't be too bad…

Shaking his head, Sanji pulled his thoughts back to the matter at hand. How were they supposed to get the rest of the crew to this spot? Because if the guy they were after knew Ace, anything to do with fire might make him pull up stakes and vanish. _Especially_ if he knew people might be after him.

"I can get Jones," Lisa offered as she buried a mine with a bright red dot on the cannister. "She'd… The sniper was probably in that town, right? So she'll be there somewhere. Not sure what to do about the others yet, though."

Ace glanced up from the pile of orange mines he was planting in a weird starburst pattern. "That's… Better than nothing. Don't your crew have signals at all though? Codes or hand signs or, I dunno, _semaphore_ or something?"

"No." Sanji took care to keep the blue mine he was burying well away from Ace's mass of orange ones. He wasn't sure _why_ Johnny and Yosaku said they'd react badly to each other, and he didn't want to find out. "Does _yours_?"

"Um… Kind of? Ship has a set of semaphore flags, and we're all taught how to use them." Ace shrugged. "Don't always need it though, with everyone who has Ha… ki…"

The freckled pirate suddenly rolled on his back, laughing. "Bwahahahahahaha! Okay, never mind! We're good! Marco, Haruta, and Namur should be meeting them before they get to the island- they'll be able to sense me and guide the ship."

That… sounded far too easy to Sanji. Then again… This was New World level bullshit Ace was talking about, and they _were_ still in Paradise. That might work. "You sure about this, Shitty Fireball? What if they _don't_ stop at the ship and just come straight here?"

Ace waved a hand dismissively, fighting to get his laughter under control. "Nah, it'll be fine. Even if they do that, Marco can fly; we can just send him to go get Lu and the rest."

Shaking his head, the freckled pirate tossed a green grenade up and down in one hand. "You guys… Sometimes you overthink things. I don't know _how_ that's possible for a crew under _Lu_ of all people, but somehow you've managed."

"Shitty Fireball!" If they hadn't been on a field halfway-seeded with mines whose functions they didn't understand, Sanji would've lunged over there and kicked Ace in the head. As it was, he settled on a harsh glare. "None of us _have_ that Haki stuff. Why would we think of it?"

"Oh… Right." Ace suddenly looked sheepish. Shrugging, the freckled pirate went back to work building the minefield.

Brushing her hands on her skirt, Lisa looked up at Sanji. "I guess it's only Jones we need to tell after all. So… Can I go?"

A large part of Sanji wanted to tell her no, that her going alone into a strange town was too dangerous. She was just a little girl. But at the same time… At the same time, at that age, his sister had been able to take down a full-grown man with very little effort. So Sanji knew better than to underestimate little girls. And while Lisa was nowhere near as physically strong as Reiju, she _did_ have her mind-control paints.

She would be fine. Probably.

"Alright." Sanji hoped he wasn't making an enormous mistake. "But if there's any sign of trouble, you run back and get me. Understand?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "I know. Sheesh… Between you and Ghin, it's a wonder any of us girls get to do anything. At least when Luffy and Zoro get worried, their answer is just _train harder_."

The little painter got up to leave, picking her way very carefully between patches of barely-visible disturbed dirt. Right before she disappeared through a narrow band of trees, she turned and looked back at Sanji. "You know you guys don't need to worry about me so much, right? I may be little, and not all that strong, but I was a high-ranking member of a criminal organization for a _reason_."

Her skirt and pigtails spiralled around her as Lisa spun back and flounced off through the trees. Pink and red soon disappeared from view. A cold pit of worry swirled in Sanji's stomach. He hoped the little painter would be alright. Veteran criminal or not, she was still just a little girl.

X

My lungs burned as I regained consciousness. Someone was thumping none-too-gently on my back; it made me a little nauseous from the force buildup, but at least it got the job done. I coughed and gasped, spitting up what felt like several litres of water as I oriented myself.

Lying on my side. Packed dirt under me. The smell of fish and too many people- I was lying on a street near a dock. My glasses were covered in water, my vision blurry. Even so, I could tell from the colours that the people near me weren't people I knew.

"What did you do that for?" Female voice- whiny, roughly my age, used to getting her way. "What the fuck're we gonna do with some kid?"

"She's young enough to be malleable, and did you see her _fly in?_ " Also female, slightly older- maybe early thirties- and decently educated. This voice was coming from behind me; she was the one slapping me. "She has some kind of Devil Fruit. Save her… If she's in debt to us- to the _boss_ … Imagine what we could pull with a _flying_ Fruit user on our side."

Someone whistled. The woman behind me stopped slapping and pressed two fingers against the side of my throat as I coughed. "She's stable now. Should be regaining consciousness soon- if she hasn't already."

Ah. A medical professional. Well, if she already knew… I opened my eyes fully and sat up, still coughing. Removing my glasses, I groped around for something to dry them with. The only patch of dry cloth I was wearing was- somehow- the inside of my white lion armband. I peeled it off and wiped my glasses clean, shoving the armband into one of my many pockets as I replaced the lenses on my face, bringing the figures around me into focus.

"Why do I feel like someone just retconned my backstory?"

Three women and a half-dozen men, all in their twenties and thirties. Most had assorted tattoos and rough, brightly coloured clothing. All of them were staring at me, unsure of what to make of the leather-clad girl who'd fallen from the sky. And what I'd just said may have something to do with it too. One of the women- a busty blonde- jabbed her flawlessly manicured finger in my direction.

"Who the Hell're you?"

"The one-horned, one-eyed, flying purple people eater," I groaned. Sitting up made my head ache. "Osti d'épais de marde… Who're _you?_ "

"Show some respect!" Blondie had a screechy, annoying voice. And she was wearing perfume that made my nose hurt. "Otherwise we'll gut you like a spring hare! This ain't no fishing village you got pulled up in- this is _Mock Town_. All of us- we're pirates!"

Pirates in Mock Town. I rolled my eyes. _What a surprise_. Anxiety rose at the back of my throat; I squashed it down. I'd told Ace fifteen minutes; that meant I'd had a budget of no more than twenty after travel, and I had no idea how long I'd been out. There was no time to panic.

"Look… Thanks for pulling me out and all, but I'm kinda in a hurry. So kindly _move your butts_."

I stood up, already scanning for the church. That was where Van Auger was, wasn't it? Up on the church steeple, taking potshots at unassuming gulls. As if on cue, a distant gunshot echoed, confirming my suspicions. But blondie stepped in before I could move and jabbed me in the chest with her bright red nails.

"Hey! I said show some respect, you little bitch!"

"And I asked you to _get yer arse outta my bloody fuckin' way_." I don't get annoyed enough to go colonial often, but I was now. The snarl tasted like week-old bacon on my tongue. "Now ye'd best _move_ , and if ya touch me again, Imma _feed_ ya those pretty nails, _painted lady_."

…

 _Wow_. My writer had _never_ written me going full colonial before. She must've been stuck in some _wicked_ traffic today- that's what _usually_ brought out this level of frustration.

Blondie didn't seem to take me seriously, from the way she reached forward to grab me. I didn't let her; snatching her arm as she moved in, I twisted her wrist with my right hand and dug the blade of my left into her shoulder, bringing her in to my hip. A quick half-circle rotation put her on the ground, her arm in a three-point lock as I knelt over her.

"Warned ya."

My captive's friends drew an assortment of knives. Growling, I clubbed Blondie over the back of the head, releasing a burst of force to knock her out. I jumped to my feet, drawing one of my sais. If I had to fight my way out, so be it. I didn't have _time_ for this.

"What the fuck's going on here?"

A voice I _did_ know cut through the air, making all the pirates around me freeze. A stocky blond man shouldered his way through the crowd, followed by a skinny man with a massive knife at his hip. Bellamy and Sarquiss. This was just getting worse and worse.

"That chick that fell outta the sky…" One of the men closest to me said nervously, pointing. "As soon as she woke up, she started threatenin' us and throwin' her weight around like a fuckin' wildcat."

"Really?" Bellamy marched over to me and leaned in, shoving his face right into mine. "And where does some worthless no-name little bitch get off yipping at _my_ men? Do you know who I am, yappy bitch?"

Oh… Fuck _this_. I holstered the sai I'd drawn. There was no time to talk, no time for a big fight. Van Auger was more important. I reached up and poked my finger into Bellamy's forehead, pushing him out of my personal bubble and rolling my eyes.

"Of course I know who you are. Bellamy the Hyena, AKA Doflamingo's lapdog. Unfortunately for you, I'm here for much _bigger_ prey." I shoved force down my finger in a big burst, far faster than what I usually used with this technique. "Hooke's Law!"

Bellamy's springy limbs extended violently, firing him into the air. The blond pirate's crewmates stared dumbly, following his trajectory into the distance. A quick burst of force through my foot shook everyone, sending Bellamy's crew stumbling and staggering, forcing their attention to their own balance. I shoved through the crowd as they were distracted, disappearing around a corner before they could shift their attention back to me.

Now… Where was that church?

It didn't take long to find the church once I got my bearings- it was the tallest building in Mock Town by at least a story. In pretty sad shape, though. As I approached, it was easy enough to see that the shingles were worn and chipped; a few of them had fallen off. The stones of the walls were pretty rough too- some had bullet holes in them, and others were cracked or covered in smears of blood.

A couple blocks over, Bellamy crashed down into a row of houses. Rickety things that they were, about six of them collapsed under the impact.

One good thing about damaged stone, though- the cracks and holes made decent handholds. I smiled as I reached up, grabbing the lower ledge of a window as I wedged my toes into a crack. How had Ghin known to make my gloves fingerless? I hadn't actually done a whole lot of parkour lately… Too focused on my Devil Fruit and my plotting. But if I was going to climb, I preferred to have at least a little bit of my own skin free to feel the stone. Felt more secure that way.

From the window ledge up to a hole where half a brick was missing, one foot propped on a badly eroded carving, the other on some sort of decorative ledge. Yes, in hindsight, I could've Spider Climbed up the wall by manipulating friction; I wasn't thinking of that at the time, though. Too busy thinking up a way to take out Van Auger. I needed something that would keep him from touching me- didn't know whether the Blackbeard crew was already able to steal Devil Fruits or not, or how the technique worked.

Grabbing the top of the decorative work above the window, I jumped and swung, using my gripping hand as a pivot. I managed to grab the edge of the roof with my other hand, then snapped my first hand up to join it. Planting my feet on the stone, I pushed myself up and over. Worn shingles shifted under me as I scrambled up a steep incline to the ridgepole of the building.

KRA- _CHOW!_

A gunshot sounded from the other side of the steeple. Glancing up, I could just see the edge of a black hat poking out around the corner. My heart leapt into my mouth as I edged up over the ridgepole and slid partway down and around. A chill ran through my blood. Anxiety- _what in the Nine Hells was I thinking?_ I'd never done something like this before. I was _terrified_. What if it went wrong? Tabarnak, what if I lost hold of _me_ doing some of these things? If I even could… Maybe I couldn't. Probably, even… I _really_ didn't want to do this anymore…

But I was already there, and Van Auger had just turned to glance at me with his perpetually bored, ever-so-punch-able face. So I needed to do _something_ , and I'd promised myself at Cocoyashi Village that I'd never run away again.

"Can I help you?" Van Auger's voice was as flat as his expression, indicating only the slightest of interest. Not even asking who I was. Rude.

That was okay though. What I was about to do was a Hell of a lot more than rude.

I didn't answer his question. Instead, I raised my right hand level with his neck as if to grab and choke him, feeling the pressure of the air around us. Van Auger was no fool, though- on the Grand Line, someone making strange hand motions probably meant a Devil Fruit. The fact that _mine_ was simply for theatrics meant nothing. Swinging his rifle in my direction, the sniper opened his mouth to speak. I didn't let him.

"I find your excess of animal cruelty disturbing. _Force Choke._ "

Okay, not the best one-liner I'd ever heard. But I couldn't think of anything to say as I _dropped_ the air pressure around Van Auger to _rock bottom_ and _past_. I was basically creating a localized vacuum, centered on his head.

KRA- _CHOW!_ KRA- _CHOW!_

Van Auger fired off two shots as soon as he realized he couldn't breathe. One hit my forehead, the other over my heart. I flinched. Even with my powers, that smarted. I could feel the bruises blooming, and I nearly lost focus on the air pressure as force coiled in my stomach.

Yep, nothing quite like two point-blank shots from a primitive sniper rifle to wake you up.

Wind whipped up in a spiral around the church- you can't create a localized drop in air pressure without at least some minor effects on the surrounding environment. I ignored the howling and the whistling as best I could. All I did was stare at Van Auger, carefully holding my expression as blank and neutral as I could.

How long without oxygen did it take for a human to pass out again? Five minutes? Ten? Well, even if Ace passed by while I was still strangling Van Auger, it's not like the sniper could warn his captain when he had no air with which to shout. Not that he was trying. No, Van Auger seemed to have placed priority on shooting me again; he was busily reloading his gun as he struggled to breathe.

KRA- _CHOW!_ KRA- _CHOW!_ KRA- _CHOW!_ KRA- _CHOW!_

Four more bruises bloomed on my chest. I kind of wanted to vomit, now, from all the force I was absorbing. But I couldn't. Doing that would mean dropping the connection with Van Auger, allowing him to breathe again.

" _Tabarnak!_ This was so much easier for Vader!" Growling, I narrowed my focus, redirecting the air pressure I was removing from Van Auger's face to form a narrow, incredibly _high_ -pressure band around his neck, constricting his trachea. And probably some major blood vessels- I was pretty sure his jugular was around there somewhere, at least.

Since shooting me wasn't working out for him- and I was honestly a bit curious to see what he thought about that, since I _clearly_ wasn't a Logia or using Haki- Van Auger stepped in and tried to hit me with the butt of his gun. He wasn't moving too well, though. Slow, unbalanced, unsteady, his face red as he fought for air.

Blocking something like that wasn't hard, even with most of my mind focusing on the pressure around my target. Empty mind- mushin. The ability to react quickly without thinking. Something Sensei had been trying to drum into my head for years, with varying amounts of success. I knocked Van Auger's rifle aside as he hit me, nearly wrenching it out of his hands as his grip weakened. A good kick to the chest knocked the sniper back.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of orange in the bay. Probably the _Striker_ ; hopefully I was proving sufficiently distracting for Ace to go by.

Once more, Van Auger stepped forward and tried to club me with his gun. He was even shakier this time. Stumbling on a broken shingle, the sniper went down on one knee, still trying to hit me. His gun slammed into the side of my leg, but there was no strength behind it.

And then his eyes rolled up in his head and Van Auger keeled over sideways. His face was very red; a trail of blood leaked from his left nostril. I dropped control of the pressure immediately, panting and rubbing my head as splitting pain bloomed in my temples. I'd never done that much with pressure before…

Merde. That _hurt_.

Limp, Van Auger slowly slid off the roof. I didn't reach down to grab him in time- before I'd even removed my hands from my temples, he'd gone over the edge. There was a loud, wet _crunch_ a second later. Then… Nothing. He hadn't woken up from the fall. As for whether it had killed him… Unlikely.

Still… I jumped down to check. Not that it mattered in the long run- I was after Blackbeard, not his sniper. Van Auger wasn't the planner; him surviving wouldn't lead to the Paramount War, wouldn't lead to Ace's death. But… I should at least know if he was alive, as far as fights in the immediate future were concerned.

There was a bit of blood on the street, but not much. When I bent to take Van Auger's pulse, the sniper's heart was beating a rapid fluttering rhythm. Unconscious, struggling to get over oxygen deprivation, and there was a large lump on his head where he'd fallen on it. I wouldn't envy him when he awoke. Not sure when that would be, though. Hopefully not for a while.

A few soft footsteps sounded behind me as I straightened, coming to a halt several meters away. I didn't turn to look- there were no sounds indicating threats, and this was _Mock Town_. A _pirate paradise_. No one would interfere in a brawl unless it was in their interest to do so. Especially if the obvious winner seemed threatening enough.

I tilted my head so my hat shadowed my eyes, even though I knew the person behind me wouldn't be able to see it. "Move along. Nothing to see here."

Yes, my voice was back to normal. Annoyance doesn't tend to stick around long after you Force Choke someone off a roof. Tends to really work out the aggressive urges.

"Really? Looks like a whole lot of nothing lying there on the street." The low, cold voice made my blood freeze and my heart start to race. I clenched my fists. Suddenly, I was _very_ glad I'd taken my armband off to dry my glasses.

"W-What of it?" Keep calm, Jones, keep calm. Don't panic, don't turn, don't do _anything_ that could jeopardize the plan. Just… Bluff your way through this. Then get to Ace as fast as you can.

"You know that man had a crew, right? A crew that might not take too kindly to some random kid laying out their sniper."

"He's still alive," I said quietly, "So there's no need for anyone to make a scene. It was just a bit of a… philosophical disagreement."

My hands shook. The next few seconds felt like _hours_ as I waited for the man behind me to respond. All I could think was that I needed for him to please, _please_ go away, although I knew that wasn't about to happen.

"I'm curious…" The voice was largely amicable, but there was an edge to it that sent tremors through every major nerve center. "How does a kid like you take out a veteran sniper like that? I heard six gunshots- and I _know_ that man doesn't miss. What kind of Devil Fruit do you have, hmm?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Biting my lip, I tensed every muscle in my body to keep from shaking.

"Then let me make my question clear. In the last half hour, I've seen a girl fly over the horizon and splash down into the sea… A man get launched across town as if fired from a cannon… And the same girl who fell from the sky knocking a man unconscious without actually touching him. It almost looked like he was _choking_ … So… What kind of Fruit does that?"

"A powerful one." I tried to bolster my voice, make myself sound confident and threatening. It failed, though.

" _Clearly_."

I had no response to that, so I said nothing. The man behind me waited for almost five minutes in near-complete silence, giving me plenty of time to think. The only sound I could hear was his breathing. And then…

"Whether it was a philosophical discussion like you said… I don't care about that. He's alive, so that's fine by me. What I _do_ care about is that you're a bright kid with a powerful Devil Fruit. So I'm going to be perfectly honest. Whatever your Fruit is, I want it. Which means now you're in my sights, you've got two choices. First choice- I kill you and hope your Fruit respawns nearby. Trust me, I can- I know some tricks for dealing with powerful Devil Fruits, and they work _really_ well on Paradise rookies like you."

More silence. I waited a while, to see if he was going to offer more information. He didn't. So I sighed and asked. "And what's option two?"

"That? Oh, that's easy. You join my crew."

"And if I refuse?"

"I refuse your refusal." I shuddered as I _felt_ the rancid grin boring into the back of my skull. "You join **… or you die! ZEHAHAHAHAHA!"**


	30. Chiaroscuro

**Chiaroscuro: an effect of contrasted light and shadow created by light falling unevenly or from a particular direction on something.**

 **Gamelover41592: Thank you very much!**

 **sdkop21: Don't worry, I intend to. Thanks!**

 **Lightsbane1905: *glomps back* I missed everyone too!**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Yeah, jailbreaking Devil Fruits is lots of fun. So much fun. I love my Devil Fruit.**

 **Dragondancer81: Thank you very much! I'm glad I can make people so happy!**

 **ScarletCatnip: Thanks for your tips on the language! So... Would Baryshnya Ved'ma be better, for as long as Robin is trying to distance herself?**

 **Glassdrop: Thanks. Here's hoping that the good work has been kept up.**

 **Tombs456: Thanks. Here it is.**

 **Unca Bob: Thank you very much. ^_^**

 **keishinaruka: Thanks! It's not wrong to love the parts where I'm torturing Jones, no, as long as the happy parts are okay too. As far as math... I don't particularly like it myself, but I'm good at it, and it's useful. Jones' calculations were off because she's never used a slide rule for trig before, only a calculator, so while she knew the math, she was having trouble with the application. But it got her close enough, ne? And yes, shit is indeed about to go down. *grins***

 **Ultimate Student: Sorry about that. I thought it was a nice shoutout to how similar yet opposite Teach and Luffy are. Thanks!**

 **The Pyro Jawsome: *grins and bows* If I've managed the unexpected, that means I'm doing my job. As for the rest of it... Is there a particular psychological facet I should be rooting for as they duke things out?**

 **Krazyfanfiction1: Thanks!**

 **starelight: Sorry... On the plus side, there's no need to wait long.**

 **SirTinal: Sorry you feel that way. I didn't think the plan particularly complicated, but, to each his own.**

 **Gerbilfriend: No plan survives contact with a D, aye... But if we use the fuller form of that statement, "No plan survives contact with the enemy," well... Jones isn't the only one on Jaya with convoluted plans, is she?**

 **Draco Oblivion: Indeed. Luffy and company don't necessarily mind Jones taking *some* of the lead on planning, but they certainly think she's going too far— particularly since she didn't even *tell* them anything until it was already time to go.**

 **Anime no Akuma: Sorry... Jones has a hard time keeping still, being me and all. Sitting still too long actually hurts us, with how many times I've broken my tailbone. Thank you very much! And I guess your wait is a lot shorter than you thought it was going to be, eh?**

 **Bombadillo Baby: Your request for more is granted.**

 **A/N: *casually performs a double tap before peacing out***

Blue-grey scales constantly drew her eyes as Nami recorded their course. She couldn't… Every time she saw Namur, a shiver of fear ran down her spine. She had to remind herself each time that this _wasn't_ Arlong, that it was one of Ace's crewmates there to help them. But her heart, pounding at the back of her throat, didn't listen very well.

It was worst when Nami just caught a glimpse of Namur out of the corner of her eye. If she looked at him dead on, he was different enough that she could calm herself down. But if it was just the scales flashing at the edge of her vision, without getting a look at his face to reassure herself…

 _Gunshots louder than thunder. Blood. Nojiko screaming. Bellemere- so cold. Strong hands grabbing her arms, pulling her away. "Shahahahahaha!"_

"You okay, Nami?"

The sailing master was pulled from her flashback by Luffy's voice. Her captain stood beside her, brows furrowed with concern as he bounced in place. Shaking her head, Nami forced a smile.

"Of course. We're sailing, the sun is shining, Jones' calculations gave me the numbers I need to get us where we're going- why wouldn't I be okay?"

Luffy's frown deepened. "Cause you keep looking at Namur like you 'spect to see Arlong. D'you wanna talk about it?"

Nami thought about that for a moment. Did she want to-? Back when she'd first met Luffy and Zoro- or even when they went over Reverse Mountain, with her freedom newly gained and everything still fresh- she would've said no. Aggressively. But… While talking about it was still _hard_ , she wasn't sure if it was necessarily _painful_ anymore. Still…

"Not right now, Luffy."

The captain's frown deepened. "But… You're never gonna get a better time."

That was… confusing. "What do you mean?"

"Cause Namur's here." Luffy said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world- and maybe to him, it was. But Nami had no idea how he thought Namur being there would make it any easier for her to talk about her time with Arlong.

She forced her smile wider in an attempt to deflect the conversation. "So… Since the log pose was pointed at something in the sky, do you think we'll be heading to a flying island soon?"

"I hope so!" Luffy's frown disappeared for a moment; his bouncing intensified. "I wanna see what kinds of things live in the sky! Maybe there's treasure up there! Or some kind of meat I've never had before! And Sanji can cook us all a yummy lunch and we can have a _party in the sky!_ "

Then Luffy shook his head, his frown returning as he placed a hand on Nami's shoulder. "Saa… You tried to disa- distro- make me think about other stuff. But you're still scared. But I don't want you to be scared… You'll tell me if I can help, right?"

This time, Nami's smile was genuine. "Of course."

Impulsive, she reached out and hugged her captain. Luffy let out a strange little noise that was both concerned and happy, wrapping himself around Nami like a rubber hybrid of monkey and snake. It was uncomfortably warm, and the rubber chafed at her skin, but at the same time… comforting. Nami wiggled one hand free of the embrace to pat Luffy on the head.

The rubber boy released his sailing master after a minute. He looked like he had something he wanted to say, but wasn't sure how to do it. A few seconds passed. Then Luffy shrugged.

"We're all here if you need us. I don't think you need to be afraid, though. Not of Namur. He's one of Ace's crew, and he seems pretty good."

Nodding slowly, Nami turned her attention back to her charts. She could still feel Luffy standing there beside her though. He sighed once, ground his knuckles into his forehead, then placed a hand on Nami's shoulder. It felt… Nice. Warm.

Her first instinct was still to demand to know what he wanted. Before the Straw Hats, people always wanted _something_ when they were trying to help. Nami still took a second, sometimes, to remember that not everyone was like that. And with Namur being there…

Nami sighed as Luffy pulled away. She could feel her captain's disappointment when she focused on their route rather than immediately going over to talk to the Whitebeard pirate fishman. But… She didn't know what to say. Didn't know if there _was_ anything she could do or say. So she ignored it.

The winds were picking up, gathering dark clouds in their wake. Nami could feel the air pressure changing- there was a storm on the way. A fairly big one. Something felt… _odd_ , though. Like the storm wasn't quite natural.

Glancing up, Nami checked their heading against the sun while she could still see it. Hopefully they'd be able to see the island before the clouds covered the whole sky- with the log pose pointing upwards more and more steeply, their usual method of navigation was getting more and more uncertain. As she made her check, the sailing master saw one of her crew mates also staring at the sky. Unlike her, though, Toma wasn't checking their course.

No, the boy was staring at the clouds ahead unblinking, as if transfixed. Toma looked frightened; his lips moved in the same pattern over and over. Squinting, Nami made use of the lipreading skills she'd picked up during years of tracking marks. Not that what Toma was saying helped her figure out what was going on in that head of his.

"White-gold?" Toma hissed again and again, "Why white-gold? And- pink?"

Unable to make heads or tails of the boy, Nami shook her head. Well, regardless of what was happening with Toma, at least they were still on course. Nami marked down their coordinates. According to the information she had, they should be within sight of land in just a few minutes. And then…

Well, after that, she wasn't sure.

The waves were growing larger as the wind rose, whistling through the lines. One particularly large wave broke over the railing. It caught Chopper up, nearly washing the reindeer overboard; only Namur's quick hands saved the little doctor. Squeaking, Chopper popped into Heavy Point and clung to the rail.

"Thanks, Namur!"

"You're welcome, Little One." Namur nodded at the doctor with a toothy smile. Or at least, Nami thought it was a smile. Even after years under Arlong's crew, she wasn't always confident in her ability to read fishman expressions.

Something dark became visible on the horizon as the clouds blocked out the sun. At first Nami thought it might be the island- but no, this was too soon for that. And drawing nearer far, _far_ too quickly. Too small too… More like a ship than an island.

A few drops of rain spattered on the deck as Nami looked to the crow's nest. "Usopp! Horizon check! I think I see something!"

"Aye-aye Nami!" There was a brief moment of silence as Usopp pulled down his long-distance lenses and scanned the sea. Then… "Ship off the starboard bow! Galleon! Monkey figurehead!"

More rain poured down as the ships drew closer together. Soon they were bobbing alongside one another, the _Going Merry_ in the shadow of the larger ship. Nami looked up at the galleon's rail as a large man came into view. He stood and stared down at the _Merry_ with the air of a man preparing to squash an insect that had invaded his home, his ship drifting across the bow of the smaller pirate vessel.

Luffy stood at _Merry_ 's bow, arms folded, feet apart, back ramrod straight. Zoro stood to his right, and Ghin at the captain's back. There was a space to the captain's left, as if a third person was meant to be standing with them- someone thin and blond, who always smelled faintly of smoke.

As it was, when the captain of the galleon stared down at them, he was met with defiant glares from three of the strongest members of the crew. And everyone else too, really. Still, the fact that they had several members missing was… noticeable. Something didn't feel _right_.

He resembled a gorilla, if gorillas could have orange hair. Great green eyes glared downwards. "Oi! Who're you and what're you doing on Saruyama Alliance territory? Don't you pirates know we own the seas around here?"

"No one can own the sea!" was Luffy's reply. His eyes burned in the shadowy light, shining with the reflections of the rain.

That took the gorilla man aback. He froze, staring down at Luffy with a dazed expression on his face. But… Marco, Haruta, and Namur- who had all hidden conspicuously behind the mast as the ships drew closer together, now that Nami thought about it- all looked at Luffy with approving eyes. Especially Marco.

Nami wondered what all that was about.

Shaking his head, the gorilla man brought himself to his senses. "We don't own the sea- just this part of it! Which means you better behave! And if you've been salvaging around here, hand it over! After all, you're facing Shoujou of the Saruyama Alliance- if you don't do as I ask, things'll get ugly _fast!_ "

Sabo stepped forward to stand on Luffy's left, one hand on the rubber boy's shoulder. But while that _did_ fill in the space there with a tall, blond body, it wasn't the _right_ one. Wasn't _Sanji_.

This was an _important_ distinction, to Nami.

But Luffy didn't need the support. Seemingly ignoring his brother's presence, the young captain reached up and placed his hand on his hat. "You can't own _part_ of the sea either! And no way're we giving you anything! We found it, fair and square!"

Shoujou's crew stepped up behind him, several dozen men. The gorilla man folded his arms, looking smug. "I have an army, boy. You might wanna reconsider your position."

His words made Luffy shrug. "I've got my crew. Each of us is _as good as_ an army. I bet Zoro could kick your ass all on his own."

That sent a surge of strange pride through Nami's chest, even though she wasn't the one Luffy mentioned by name. Just knowing he had that level of confidence in all of them… Warmth flooded from the sailing master's heart, out and down her arms. Before she registered what she was doing, Nami had snapped her Clima-Tact together and was spinning it around.

She wasn't the only one either. All around her, all her crewmates looked like they were preparing for a fight.

A brief spark of worry flashed across Shoujou's face. And that solidified it- from that look, Nami _knew_ they could easily beat this Saruyama Alliance if it came to a fight. Then the gorilla man closed his eyes, opened his mouth… and _screamed_.

"AAAAAAAAA _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Nami rubbed her ears; Shoujou's scream left them ringing. And rocked the ship- even the _Going Merry_ looked like it left her in pain, rain splattering on her figurehead like tears. Most of her passengers were rubbing their ears in sync with their sailing master, weapons dropped. Robin had sprouted an extra pair of hands in order to protect her hearing.

Luffy wasn't affected, though- or if he was, he didn't show it. Without looking back, the rubber boy motioned towards Ruatha. The little dragon chirped inquiringly. White scales rasped against each other as the reptile scrambled over to stand beside the captain. Nodding, Luffy rested one hand on the dragon's head.

"Ruatha… Screech."

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" Ruatha stomped one foot and braced himself on the deck. Craggy jaws split wide, fangs dripping, saliva flying out to spatter amid the raindrops under the force of Ruatha's scream.

Shoujou and his men were left stunned, their galleon bobbing erratically as the waves settled. Luffy continued to stare up at them, unblinking despite the rain dripping on his face. "Even my quartermaster's _baby_ can match you. Now _move_."

Blood drained from a large, gorilla-like face. Shoujou looked like he was about to faint. Nami could practically _see_ the thoughts running through his mind- _how could he compare to a captain who could command a dragon?_ Maybe even two dragons, if he thought that referring to Ruatha as the quartermaster's baby meant the quartermaster was a dragon too.

Actually, that image made Nami smile, imagining Jones as a dragon. Amusing… And oddly appropriate.

The monkey-headed galleon quickly started to move as Shoujou and his crew scrambled to comply with Luffy's orders. Every once in a while, one of them would glance down at the _Going Merry_ , then pale and redouble their efforts as the rubber boy glared up at them and Ruatha preened.

Once the ship was almost out of the way, Marco and his brothers emerged from their hiding place. While Haruta and Namur went to help Zoro and Ghin get the _Merry_ underway again, the Phoenix wandered over to lean on the rail beside Luffy. Marco didn't say anything- just leaned on the rail and waved, a sleepy, mischievous smile on his face. If possible, Shoujou paled even more.

The rain came down harder as the _Going Merry_ started moving forward again. Nami couldn't see the sun anymore; the clouds were too thick and dark. It was shaping up to be a serious storm, too. The sky was nearly black, and the wind made a whistling noise as it blew through trembling lines.

Nami shivered. Moments later, Ghin was beside her with a grey, waterproof coat. The rigger was garbed in similar attire, and holding an armful of even more. After Nami accepted and donned her oilskin, Ghin moved to prepare the rest of the crew. He even had a few extra for Sabo and the Whitebeard pirates- although Namur refused the offered coat.

Wiping sopping bangs out of her face, Nami looked once more to her charts. This would be the hardest part- keeping the _Going Merry_ sailing true until Jaya came into sight. So close, but yet so far. No log pose, no sun… Nothing she could trust. Just her gut and a few pieces of paper covered in calculations, promising land not far away. From the tales she'd heard growing up, that was practically a death sentence on the Grand Line.

But Nami didn't see it that way. No… She could feel it in the flow of the wind- the island's presence. If anyone had asked her, she wouldn't have been able to explain it properly, but when she closed her eyes… something about the temperature and the pressure and the direction of the breezes told her they were getting close. She actually trusted the feeling more than the math.

Raising one hand in the air, Nami felt the different layers in the wind. Her eyes were still closed when she called a course correction to Johnny at the helm. "Two degrees to port!"

"Aye-aye, Sis!" The blue hunter made the minute adjustment- minute now, but a difference of several hundred meters by the time they got to their destination. If not more.

"What are you doing, Baryshnya Navigator?"

Nami opened her eyes to see Robin standing on the other side of her charting table. Lowering her hand, the sailing master smiled and let out a faint chuckle. "Feeling the wind. Jones' calculations were a little off, but not bad. I'd say she knows her math, but isn't used to using a slide rule. Weird."

"You… can feel the location of the island?" Robin raised one eyebrow, the closest she ever seemed to get to looking impressed.

Nodding, Nami leaned forward on her table. "Only when we're close and I've got a good wind or current to work with, but yes. I've always been able to. When my sister and I were little, it was just a cool trick- I could map the bottom of the harbour by our village just by feeling the currents coming up on a warm day. When I got older, it was… less fun."

Robin's initial reaction was a long, slow blink- like a cat disturbed at its nap. Then the archaeologist favoured Nami with a small smile. "You're quite the talented navigator. Gospodin Captain is very lucky to have you on his crew."

"Thanks." Nami smiled back at Robin through the rain. The archaeologist wiped sopping bangs out of her eyes and glanced up at the sky.

"I don't suppose you can tell when the storm is going to end?"

"Of course." Closing her eyes, Nami raised her hand again. The wind whipped past, feathery and bubbling. It told her where the pressure systems were around the island, how quickly they were moving… Just like it always had.

"There'll be a break in about an hour… But things will pick up again a couple hours after that. I think it'll be a few days before everything stops completely." Dropping her hands, Nami opened her eyes again and shrugged.

KRA-KA _CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!_

Thunder boomed as white lightning split the sky. The rain poured down even harder, raising mist from the surface of the sea. In the brief second the sky glowed bright, Nami saw strange shadows dancing in the clouds. They looked like… people, albeit far larger than even the giants Bellemere used to tell her stories about. With impossibly long, gangly limbs and short, winged bodies, like the distorted shadows of angels.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Usopp screamed as the figures faded from view. The gunner nearly fell out of the crow's nest; he pointed at the sky with shaking hands. Johnny and Yosaku weren't much better; while the blue hunter hadn't leapt into his partner's arms like he often did, his knuckles were white as he gripped the whipstaff. Meanwhile the green hunter had startled himself out of the rigging, to the point where he was dangling upside down over the side, a line wrapped around his ankle the only thing keeping him from going overboard.

Ruatha stared at the sky, transfixed, jaws open. A small corner of Nami's mind wondered if the dragon was going to drown if he didn't close his mouth. Most of the rest of the crew were staring as well, albeit without the drowning bird open mouths. Toma was _shaking_ as his wide eyes flicked around the sky, searching for the figures. Ghin wandered over to hug the terrified boy; Zoro looked a bit jealous at the contact.

Marco, Haruta, Namur, and Sabo looked completely unaffected.

"Do you have any idea what those were?" Nami asked, still searching for the figures herself.

Robin smiled wryly. "The ancient Asuran people believed that the souls of the dead danced in the lightning, and that if you saw them, they would capture you and force you to dance with them for all eternity."

That sent an involuntary shiver up Nami's spine. Not that she was superstitious, or shared in the beliefs of a long-dead people, but the tone of voice Robin used… Creepy. The sailing master shook her head. "Anything else?"

Thinking for a minute, Robin shrugged, her wry smile fading into a wistful expression. "Hundreds of years ago in O- Ohara, we used to believe that fairies lived in the sky, and that lightning was made when the good fairies fought the bad ones, protecting humanity from their mischief."

The archaeologist closed off after that, her gaze turning inwards. Nami flinched. She hadn't meant to bring up bad memories. Reaching out, the sailing master placed her hand over the archaeologist's. Robin pulled away before she could say anything.

"I- It's fine, Baryshnya Navigator. Ohara… It all happened a very long time ago."

"That doesn't mean it hurts any less."

Robin's lips drew into a thin line. "No… No, it doesn't."

Nami sighed and ran a hand through her sopping hair. "But… Having a crew can help. When it's the right one."

"You say that like it's the easiest thing in the world," Robin replied, wiping her own soaked bangs away from her eyes. "But it's not… Not even close. And… Why? Just… Why?"

The archaeologist didn't seem capable of properly voicing her thoughts, but that was okay. Nami had been in a similar enough position that she could guess what was going through the older woman's head. "Why are we trying to make you belong? To get you to be our friend?"

Unable to speak, Robin just nodded. She was shaking. Nami tried once more to place a reassuring hand over Robin's; once more, the archaeologist pulled away.

It was a far cry from the vision in the Mists.

"Let's just say that while she's the one who does it most, Jones isn't the only one who's seen the future." No longer able to meet Robin's eyes, Nami looked back down at her charts. "I can't- you had to be there to understand."

Was this what it was always like for their quartermaster? Unable to say what she wanted and be believed, to act the way you wanted to around someone you knew would someday be a friend? If so, Nami could forgive the otherworlder for acting out sometimes. Or at the very least understand it.

"I see…" Robin stood in silence by Nami's chart table, unwilling or unable to say more- but also not moving away like she so often did. The sailing master counted that was a win.

"Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Geier rose from her place at the rails, swooping across the length of the ship. Drifter held up a sign as his partner performed a barrel roll. _Land ho!_

His announcement was followed up a second later by Usopp's voice. "Land ho! Island dead ahead!"

Folding his arms, Drifter scowled and held up another sign as Geier landed on the mizzen boom. _Stupid English-speaking hosers with your voice boxes and your lips and your ability to use spoken language… You wouldn't be laughing so hard if I could write as fast as you talk._

Chopper scampered up into the rigging to perch beside the police officers. His furry hands nearly slipped off the rain-slicked wood. The doctor reached out to pat Drifter on the head. "No one's laughing at you… And I can translate, if you don't wanna use your signs anymore."

Hissing, the otter slapped the reindeer's hand away. One paw reached up to adjust his Stetson; the other held up yet another sign. For all his complaints, Drifter seemed capable of quickly producing a near-endless supply.

 _Don't touch the hat, Hoser! And I don't_ need _your translation. I've managed fine on my own for almost twenty years; I'll keep managing for as long as it takes._

"Sorry…" Chopper flinched and pulled back. Popping into Brain Point, the doctor scuffed at the boom with his hooves. Wide brown eyes glittered darkly in the dim light. "I didn't mean to offend you…"

For a moment, Drifter was stiff, still scowling. Then the otter melted like butter, holding up another sign as he rubbed his temples. _You- No- I wasn't offended. I just… Prefer to manage on my own. And… I can't always rely on you, can I? Even if we're on the same crew, there's no guarantee that you'll always be there when I have something to say._

"Oh…" Chopper looked down sadly. "That- That's true, I guess. Sorry."

 _Aww, don't apologize so much. It's alright; you didn't do anything wrong._ Drifter reached out and patted Chopper on the head. Geier joined him, spreading one of her wings to wrap around the little reindeer's shoulders. Chopper closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Something about his smile almost looked smug to Nami, as if cuddling like that had been the doctor's goal all along.

Up at the bow, Marco stepped up beside Luffy as the _Going Merry_ slowly drew nearer to the island. The Phoenix stood near the figurehead, hands in his pockets, looking for all the world like he was about to fall asleep. But his voice, when he spoke, was anything but sleepy.

"Ace doesn't seem to be in Mock Town," Marco informed Luffy. "I sense him at a bay further in- along with somebody else, yoi. One of your crew?"

Luffy nodded in confirmation. "Yeah. Ace took his fire boat and went ahead with Sanji and Lisa to set a trap." Then the rubber captain's eyes turned to stars as he spun to face his brother's crewmate. "Wait- you can sense Ace? Using that Haki stuff Sabo tried to teach us about?"

"Yep." Marco smirked and shot Sabo a sidelong look. "Dead useful stuff, yoi. You say your brother's teaching you? Have any of your crew had any luck with it yet?"

Pouting, Luffy shook his head. "Nope."

"Hmmph… Then maybe you should let us deal with Teach." Marco took his hands out of his pockets and rested one on top of Luffy's head. "He's more powerful than he seems, and with his new Fruit… Fighting him without Haki is a suicide mission."

"We know about his powers," Luffy shot back. "We know he's strong. But we've been working on a way to beat him, so as long as we're together, it'll be fine."

"Your faith in your crew is admirable, yoi." Marco sighed. "I just hope you're right. Last thing I want is a bunch of kids dying on my watch. _Especially_ Ace's baby brother. He'd haunt me forever if I let that happen, yoi, even if you kids _weren't_ practically family."

X

I clenched my fists, my whole body going stiff at that voice. It _hurt_ , the amount of adrenaline I was being flooded with. A single word rang through my head, louder than cannon fire.

 _KILL_.

My vision narrowed to pinpricks, most of the world blocked out by white. Hot and cold ran up and down my spine as I spun on my heel. I absorbed the friction beneath my feet without even thinking about it, building up a charge; one of my fists was raised to strike, despite not actually being able to see Blackbeard through the angry haze of my vision.

Warmth wrapped around me from behind before I could charge Teach- the invisible arms that followed me everywhere. But this time… This time, rather than protecting me, it felt like they were trying to hold me back. Large and warm and _strong_ , although not as strong as me, holding me tight around my shoulders and waist. They were insubstantial- I could probably break free easily- but just the shock of it stopped me dead, forced me to lower my arm.

Not that I wanted to. No, I wanted to _kill_ , to punish Teach for what he had done, what I _knew_ he would do. All my careful planning lay forgotten at the back of my mind.

 _How dare this man, one of Ace's killers, speak to me?!_

The arms squeezed tighter, holding me close against an insubstantial chest. The grip on my shoulders shifted, so that invisible fingers were running through my ponytail as the arms clung to me. I shook and strained, taking a couple of steps towards the target of my ire. My hand came up again.

 _Patience,_ whispered a soft voice, so deep and quiet I could barely hear it. _Remember your plan._

Warm arms squeezed me tighter still. The contact was calming… Soothing. Enough that the boiling anger receded to my chest, carrying the white away from my eyes so I could see again. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to lower my hand as the arms continued holding and petting.

Blackbeard was looking at me with interest, dark eyes sparkling beneath heavy brows. "So, little girl, what'll it be? Join my crew? Or be put down like the rabid dog you seem to be?"

Rabid-? Well, he _had_ just seen me Force Choke one of his crew off a church roof, then turn as if I meant to attack him. Although since he'd threatened to kill me if I didn't join his crew, I thought that might be justified. I wondered what he saw in my face, though, when I spun around in fury. But there was no way I was going to ask.

"Who are you?" I demanded, my voice rasping more than usual as I fought to keep myself under control. Lowering my face so I didn't have to look at Blackbeard, I received the added bonus of a nice, dramatic shadow being cast over my eyes. My glasses flashed as well- I _really_ needed to figure out how to do that on demand.

"Name's Marshall D Teach." Blackbeard's voice was cautious and dark, but as amicable as could be expected from someone who was threatening my life. "I run a pirate crew- but not like that Bellamy idiot you sent flying. Zehahahahaha! Glad someone put him in his place! I would've liked to, but I've gotta keep a low profile right now- one of my men's off on a mission, and I've got some _dangerous_ bastards after my head."

Trying to make the Whitebeards sound like a threat… Oh, he was _clever_. If I knew less about what was going on, I might actually have sympathized with him. As it was, I _really_ wanted to punch his sorry face in until he had more gaps than teeth. _Backpfeifengesicht_. I hadn't imagined, when talking to Ace about _his_ temper, that _mine_ would be so hard to keep under control.

The invisible arms hugged me tighter.

"Not that it should matter who I am," Teach added darkly. "After all… No matter what you think of me, your options don't change, now, do they? So why would you bother asking?"

I bit my lip, hard enough to draw blood. The invisible arms around me loosened as I started to move. Slowly, shaking, I rolled up my sleeves, putting twelve red lines on display for all the world to see.

"I've offered myself to death in the past, multiple times, and I'm still here. I've accepted that fate has something in store for me, and I doubt it's just someone else taking my life instead. I'm not scared of you, Marshall D Teach- you or your threats."

Something about my words- perhaps the mention of fate- made Teach's eyes light up with interest. His eyes scanned me, picking me apart… It felt like he was trying to look _through_ me, past my scars and armour, into my soul.

"And who _are_ you?" Teach asked after a minute. "Unless a rabid puppy like you doesn't have a name?"

He took a few steps towards me, triggering my anxiety. The wash of fear helped calm my anger further, sending shivers of cold where once there was heat. Invisible arms holding me tight kept it from getting out of control; my vision flickered as Teach came closer, but didn't go black. I trembled, but didn't faint.

Teach smelled like sour cherries.

"Keira," I rasped out. Not using my full name, or even the one I'd gone by recently. Didn't want him to be able to identify me too easily- which the name Jones might do. White Lion… I'd chosen the white lion rampant because it was the symbol of my family. Whether that was the same in this world, I wasn't sure, but if it was, Teach was the sort of person who'd know.

"Little dark one…" I could hear the smile in Teach's voice. "That fits someone on my crew, more than you could possibly imagine. Zehahahahahahahaha! It must be fate that I found you here."

Fate… Yeah, right. Like I would ever join this asshole's crew. I already _had_ a captain.

The invisible arm around my waist moved, instead reaching down to lace warm fingers through my own. It helped me focus.

"Very well, _Captain_ ," the word tasted like ash in my mouth, "I'll- Gyah!"

A warm weight hit my back mid-sentence, setting me coughing and stumbling. Teach actually took a step back in alarm as small arms wrapped around my waist. The invisible ones that had been holding me vanished as Lisa squeezed me tight from behind.

Panic surged through me. I'd been just about to start a deception- Lisa was going to ruin it! She didn't even _know_ my first name… Even her addressing me would-!

"Mia sorella! Why did you leave me?" Lisa squirmed around in front of me and stared up with watery eyes. My brain froze momentarily. Was- was that Italian? I blinked, quickly bringing my brain back online.

Okay, maybe Lisa had more of an idea what was going on here than I'd thought.

I hugged the little painter tight, as if she really was my little sister. Or… Well, more closely than if she'd been my little sister; I wasn't particularly close to my sister back on Earth. Different interests, different ways of thinking…

"Desolée, ma petite soeur…" I didn't speak Italian, even if I understood a few words, but hopefully even if Teach knew the difference, the foreignness of it all would throw him off. "But you should've waited for me. I told you I'd be back when I was done my errands."

"I didn't want to wait…" Lisa pouted up at me. Then she glanced over Teach. "Sorella… Who's that?"

"Captain Marshall D Teach…" I looked over at the man who I hated so much, gritted my teeth, and bowed, presenting my crewmate. My right arm twitched; a small charge of force surged unbidden to my hand. " _Captain_ … This is my little sister, Lise."

Lisa's eyes went wide at my use of a fake name for her- and probably also from me calling Teach Captain. She gathered herself quickly, though. "Captain? Does… Does that mean we'll finally be moving on, once you've picked up your package?"

"Oui, ma cherie…" I ruffled Lisa's hair. One hand rose to fiddle with my necklace, hoping she'd get the message as our Jolly Roger flashed. "Don't worry. We'll be back on the road soon enough. Just let me finish up my business here."

Teach looked on with interest as Lisa nodded. His eyes narrowed and hardened, like points of flint. "Your business? _We?_ Keira… Remember what I said…"

Shadows coalesced around one of Teach's hands. I instinctively charged up myself in response, muscles tensing. But… I couldn't strike, not yet. Instead… Instead, I kept my eyes on his chest, alert for any signs of movement. " _Captain_ … I will join your crew- your offer isn't one that I could exactly _refuse_ \- but I must insist that if I accompany you, my little sister be allowed to as well. I'm all she has; I can't leave her alone."

"Loyalty- an admirable quality." Teach's voice grew darker. "I couldn't help but notice, though, that you and your _sister_ seem to be speaking different languages. Fleylin Italian and Drum French, unless I miss my guess. Odd combination…"

"We're half siblings," Lisa offered before I could say anything. "Mia sorella lost her mother when she was little, then our father remarried years later. Keira was raised in Drum Kingdom until Papa met Mama and Tio Lovino; then he fell in love with Mama and moved to the Fleylin Archipelago to be with her."

"I see… And what business do a pair of painter girls from Fleylin have in Mock Town?" Oh dear, Teach was getting suspicious. "A little far from home, don't you think?"

"We…" Come on brain, think. What excuse could I give that would be believed? Once more, Lisa jumped in before I could find the words.

"We… When the Fleylin Archipelago was attacked four years ago, Papa put us out to sea in one of Tio Lovino's boats." Lisa's voice was shaking; the little girl blinked back tears. Which… Either she was a _very_ good actor, or what she was saying was based in something that had actually happened.

"It drifted for days… We were picked up by a ship just before we ran out of food. They told us…" Lisa wiped her eyes on the hem of her painting apron, "They told us that Tio Lovino's boats had all been burned, that our family was deep in debt and our country had been destroyed. That the only way we'd ever be able to have a life back home was if we worked for them to earn money to rebuild things…"

Burying her face in my coat, Lisa sobbed. "But they dropped us on some random island without any pay… Mia sorella's been looking for work ever since, signing on with whoever'll take us… But even if she'd strong, nobody wants me cause I'm so little…"

I held Lisa closer as she sobbed into my coat, her tears staining my leather armour. Teach looked on as I rubbed the little girl's back. He and I were probably thinking the same thing- trying to decide how much of the story was true.

"Well, I'm willing to take you on," Teach said at last, " _Both_ of you. Keira, I'm interested in your Devil Fruit; Lise, you're old enough to start learning ship work. Finish up your business in town, then come meet me and my crew at the _Ball and Chain_. You can get to know the men while we wait for Lafitte. And Keira…" Here, Blackbeard's voice grew darker and more dangerous, "If you fail to show… I _will_ find you, and you _know_ what I'll do."

"Aye-aye _Sir_." Nodding, I squeezed Lisa's shoulder and gently tugged her away. "Come on Lise; let's go pick up that package."

"S-Si, sorella…" Lisa followed close, clinging to my hand so hard her knuckles went white.

We continued that way for quite some time, wandering aimlessly just to get away from Teach. Even once we were well out of sight and earshot, I was nervous- I'd bet my bottom dollar Teach had Haki, but I had no idea how _good_ he was with it. Hopefully not as good as Enel… I'd like to believe we'd be safe if we had to cross the island.

"You okay, Lisa?" I paused in the shadow of a leaning building. Squeezing her shoulder gently, I made the young painter look up at me.

"Yeah…" Rubbing her eyes on her sleeve, Lisa blinked rapidly a few times. Soon enough, only a faint hint of redness showed that she'd been crying. "I'll be fine. We, um… We need to head this way. Sanji's waiting with Ace by the mines…"

Now Lisa was pulling _me_ , her grip on my hand slowly loosening as she tugged me out of Mock Town. Her footsteps were stuttering and arrhythmic, like she couldn't quite control her feet. I wondered if that was nerves for the future… Or sorrow for the past.

"Is… Jones, is Keira really your name?" Lisa glanced up at me as she asked the question, probably to distract herself from whatever she was thinking. She nearly tripped when she took her eyes off the ground in front of her.

I flinched as Teach's voice echoed again in my head. _Little dark one_. "Jones Faye Keira. But I don't like it… Never have. Doesn't fit. So I prefer to just go by Jones."

And… I didn't say it, but my full name fit even less now. Not going by it, not using it… It was so easy to distance myself now. I _wasn't_ Keira anymore, was I? Everyone called me Jones now, so that was my name. One corner of my mouth quirked up.

"No," I decided quietly as we worked our way through a narrow copse. "No, Keira isn't really my name. Not anymore. But it _does_ make for a convenient false identity, doesn't it?"

"I guess…"

We emerged from the trees to an open area of rocks and loose soil. Sanji was sitting on a boulder, smoking, The Pie in a box by his side. Not far away, Ace dozed face-down in the dirt.

Unable to tell where the mines were buried, I left Lisa at the edge of the trees and absorbed the force of my own footsteps as I walked. It left me feeling… oddly light, as I ghosted over the uneven ground to where Sanji sat. I looked at the dirt, unable to meet the cook's eye.

"Is… Is everything ready?"

"Yeah…" Sanji blew a smoke ring at me; the smell made me cough. "Your shitty pie's all ready to go, soon as someone wakes up the shitty fireball. Everything ready on your end?"

"As much as it can be." I winced and rolled my shoulders, trying in vain to relieve the force building up in my muscles. "Got a clearer shot to present The Pie than what I was really planning on, but… I sort of lost track of my plans for a minute, so that's probably for the best."

Sanji shot me a flat look. "You're not exactly filling me with confidence here. I told you- you need to _promise_ me we can beat this guy."

"We _can_ ," I insisted, with more confidence than I actually felt. A bundle of nerves was growing in the pit of my stomach, shaking like a leaf. Sanji sighed again.

"You're starting to remind me of my sister, Jones. Poisons, clever plans, sneaking everywhere… Just take care you don't fall off that shitty high wire you're running on."

I flinched, taking an involuntary step backwards. Sanji rolled his eyes at me, saying nothing. But… I couldn't bring myself to go closer. I could _sense_ the anger rising off my crew mate in waves. _Feared_ it. Enough to wish I'd never concocted this plan…

Except I _had_ to. Blackbeard _had_ to die, and this was the only way I could think of to be _sure_ it would happen. But now one of my _friends_ was angry at me… I wanted to die. All this would've been easier if I was properly _dead_ , if I _hadn't_ been pulled from the water. Why had my writer decided to do this? Why couldn't she have just left me _dead?_ At least in death, I would've had peace, wouldn't have had to _worry_ so much.

…

To _fear_ so much.

Sanji turned to look at something in the bay below- even that slight movement was enough to set me jumping back. That made the cook flinch as I landed somewhere in the middle of the minefield. Of course, I absorbed the force of it, so I didn't set anything off. I love my powers.

"Dammit Jones, what's gotten into you?!" Sanji snapped as he turned his attention back to me. Down in the bay, the _Going Merry_ bobbed as she made landfall. "This was your shitty plan! _I poisoned_ _ **food**_ _for this!_ You sure as _Hell_ better not be losing your nerve now!"

"I'm not!" The words barely came out, and when they did, my voice was high and squeaky. I clenched my fists, fingernails biting into my palms even through the fabric of my new gloves. The pain helped me reign myself in- for now.

Darting forwards, I grabbed The Pie. "I'm not losing my nerve! We _can_ win this! I just… Anxiety flare-up."

Was… Was this what Zoro was worried about when I first joined the crew? That I'd have anxiety attacks and lose my nerve during something important? Well… It wasn't going to happen. Anxiety, yes, but I wasn't going to let it keep me from doing what I needed to do. No matter _where_ the anxiety came from.

Footsteps and wingbeats thundered up from the beach as the rest of our crew arrived- along with some new recruits. Sabo was there, as well as Haruta, Namur… And of course, the Phoenix himself, in full, avian glory. Marco perched on a rock by Ace, shifting back into human form gracefully before giving the sleeping firecracker a few rough pokes.

Ace didn't wake up.

Sanji jumped off his rock, landing in front of the others before they could wander onto the minefield. "Oi! Stay back from here. Don't want any of the lovely ladies stepping on one of the shitty mines and getting themselves hurt, now do we?"

The cook took Nami's hand and kissed it as he spoke, his eyes turning to hearts. The sailing master let out a good-natured sigh and swatted him over the head with a third of the Clima-Tact. "Sanji, _focus_."

"Right." Dropping her hand- and his infatuated demeanor- Sanji turned to look at the rest of those assembled. "Alright. We buried all those shitty mines Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku made- buried 'em _good_ , so you can't see. So everyone, try to avoid stepping in this general area unless you've got powers that'll keep the shitty things from blowing your legs off if you step on one."

Sanji waved at the minefield, tracing a circle to show its rough size and shape. One by one, everyone nodded their understanding- even Ruatha. My dragon bounded around the edge of the minefield, squawking in frustration when he realized he couldn't get to me without stepping in the danger zone.

"Mon _ah_ … Vo _paaz_."

Marco continued prodding at Ace, to no avail. "Straw Hat… How'd you wake your brother up, yoi? As long as he's been with us, only Thatch ever figured it out. And _he_ never shared, yoi."

Luffy opened his mouth to answer, but was stopped when Sabo stepped forward. The revolutionary's eyes danced; he took one of the pipes off his back and spun it like a baton. "May _I_ have a go?"

Huh. Why did Sabo have two pipes? And where did Luffy get one? I didn't ask, though; I'd find out later.

Marco leaned away from Ace, his sleepy eyes glittering with the same mirth as Sabo's. "Be my guest, yoi."

A grin lit up Sabo's face, his scars twisting it into a mad hatter's smirk. He held out his hand to me as if asking me to dance. "Jones… Your assistance, for a moment."

"Oro?" I reached out for his hand, confused. Did Sabo know how my powers worked? The answer to that was apparently _yes_ , as he strode without fear across the minefield, forcing me to absorb force _through_ him to keep him from blowing us all up.

I'd never used another person as a medium before. It was… Unnerving. The force _changed_ as it came through Sabo's body, in ways I couldn't describe. It never felt like that coming through my clothes or weapons- or the ship.

Once safely standing beside Ace, Sabo let go of my hand. Leaning on a nearby rock, the revolutionary tapped his elder brother on the head with a pipe. "Ace… Time to wake up. Otherwise I'm leaving you here while Luffy and I go hunting- and I'm giving him your share of the gator."

"Sabo, you asshole!" Ace sat bolt upright, reaching up to grab Sabo's pipe. Still blinking back sleep, the freckled pirate nearly fired his brother across the minefield before remembering where he was. He froze suddenly, face lit up like the sun.

"Sabo! You made it!"

Jumping to his feet, Ace somehow managed to hug Sabo without setting off any mines. The revolutionary chuckled and hugged the freckled pirate tightly. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world. And I'm not the only one."

Glancing up, Ace froze again. If we had been doing anything less serious than arranging the brutal overkill of Blackbeard, I think he would've jumped up and started laughing. As it was, he grinned at Namur, Haruta, and Marco. Although it definitely had a bit of a dark tinge to it… I think Ace was looking _forward_ to taking revenge for Thatch.

"You guys ready?"

Namur nodded; he looked grim, but that could've just been his face. I didn't have much experience with fishmen, so I wasn't confident in my ability to read their facial expressions. Haruta was much easier- the boy's face lit up with vicious, malicious delight as he reached for his sword. And Marco… Marco no longer looked so sleepy. Droopy eyes opened wide and bright, shining like a raptor's as the Phoenix looked towards Mock Town.

"What're we waiting for, yoi?"

Yosaku, staring at the assembled Whitebeard pirates as if his eyes were about to pop out of his skull- and the redness in said eyes suggested he'd been doing this for some time- pointed at me. "I think we're waiting for Big Sis to do something to that Blackbeard guy and bring him here."

Clenching my hands tighter around the box that held The Pie, I looked to Luffy and Zoro. The bosun was… unreadable. I curled in on myself; even without him showing it, I could feel Zoro's disapproval of my tactics. And Luffy… He didn't have the same _sort_ of disapproval, but he didn't seem happy with me either. When he noticed me looking at him, my captain's face went dark. He tilted his head forward so his hat shadowed his eyes.

"Do what you have to, Jones. But… After this, we've gotta talk. Okay?"

Zoro reached over and rested a hand on Luffy's shoulder. I nodded, unable to speak, curling in on myself even more before I backed out of the minefield. Nami flinched; Robin looked at me with interest.

Ruatha tried to climb on my shoulders as I headed back towards Lisa and the copse of trees. I shoved the dragon off. Couldn't have Teach seeing him.

My dragon whined and held out his wings as if trying to hug me. "Monah… Fahvos? Zu'u lokaal hi. Zu'u _praag_ hi. Zu'u laan suyah hi."

"Sorry bud… I've gotta go do a thing with Lisa. We'll be back soon." My voice was flat as I fought to keep it even. Ruatha whined again as I took Lisa's hand and headed back towards town.

My feet, my heart… Everything felt heavy as I made my way under the trees. Lisa didn't speak, just clutched my hand tightly. Behind us, I heard the faint sounds of Nami's voice- presumably giving everyone instructions on where to hide before the ambush. Johnny and Yosaku occasionally chimed in to help her.

All too soon, Lisa and I were surrounded by buildings rather than trees. My mind kind of blanked out on the in-between. I was shaking, eyes constantly flicking about in search of the _Ball and Chain_ , breath becoming ragged. Fear of the upcoming fight… And of my own crew mates, who I was just starting to realize I'd maybe pushed a bit too far.

A bell chimed over my head; Lisa led me into a dim room that smelled of spilt alcohol and sweaty sailors. Warm, invisible hands rested on my shoulders, squeezing gently. Biting my lip, I forced back the lump in my throat and did my best to reconnect my brain. Just in time too- Blackbeard was waving at us from a corner table.

"Keira! Lise! Glad you could make it! Get over here and meet my men!"

Teach himself was seated in the corner, where no one could attack him from behind. Van Auger was propped up on a wall beside him- still unconscious, but moaning like he might come to at any second. On Teach's other side was Doc Q, hunched by a window; the not-so-good doctor's horse wheezed outside. Lafitte was missing, of course. Gone to the Government to request that Blackbeard be given Crocodile's commission as a Warlord.

As Lisa and I slowly made our way across the bar, Jesus Burgess appeared from a nearby door- washroom, by the smell- and swaggered over to the table. There was an audible thud as he sat down. Waving one arm high, the wrestler called for one of the barmaids.

"Oi! Let's have a pint over here!"

I sidestepped carefully as a harried young woman rushed past me to fill the order. She was gone by the time Lisa and I reached Blackbeard's table. We stood, awkwardly facing the men across beer-stained wood, Lisa clinging to my hand and the hem of my coat, as Teach and his crewmates looked us over.

Teach raised one eyebrow. "Well, sit down."

Every bone in my body was shaking as I did what I was told; the chair made an unnaturally loud scraping sound as I pulled it out to sit. Lisa climbed into my lap, still acting perfectly as my scared younger sister. I placed The Pie on the table in front of me so she'd have more room. With one hand, I pushed it towards Teach.

"Tribute, Captain. As thanks for letting my sister accompany me." I kept my head bowed, not looking Teach in the eye. Instead, I focused on the brim of my hat.

Teach took the box with a grunt of interest. The noise was repeated when he opened it. "Cherry pie… My favourite."

"I know."

"And how is that?" Teach asked, voice going dark with suspicion. "We only met today, and I'm not exactly well-known in these parts. _Or_ around Fleylin."

"It's my business to know things," I answered quietly, "I'm a witch, after all. It's what we do."

"A witch?" Burgess half-rose, one hand coming up as if he was considering striking me. "Like Hell."

"No, like Madame Shyarly from Fishman Island." My voice was still quiet, but at least I could keep it even. Teach hummed in understanding, his suspicion fading.

A rough hand reached out to grab Burgess' shoulder, shoving him back into his seat. "Stand down. Her claim isn't that far-fetched; there are stranger things on the seas. Just because you haven't seen them yet doesn't mean they're not there." Teach stared his crewmate hard in the eye until Burgess sat. Grunting in approval once he had, Teach dug into The Pie with all the reckless abandon of a D presented with their favourite food.

The wrestler grumbled, drinking half his pint in one gulp before slamming it back down on the table. "I still don't like it. And, I mean… _This_ is the _powerful new crewmate_ you told us about? Some wet behind the ears girl who can barely speak, but goes off spouting nonsense about being a witch? Just look at her! She's so little… I bet Ol' Doc's better in a fight!"

"Looks can be deceiving," Doc Q croaked, pulling his cloak tighter about himself as if warding off the cold. Teach grunted in agreement through a mouthful of pie.

"Or…" And now Doc Q was smiling. It was a frightening, Jonathan-Crane-like expression. He turned to address me and Lisa. "Or, looks can tell you quite a bit. Faces painted with the fires of war… If you two are from Fleylin like the captain said, that means you were related to a Painted Warrior. Never properly trained, though…"

Lisa nodded mutely; I scowled at the table. "So what?"

"Nothing," Doc Q said pleasantly, "Merely an observation."

For a few seconds there was awkward silence. Even those few seconds were enough to drive me mad. I fidgeted in place, unable to occupy my mind, focusing far more than I was comfortable with on the sounds of Teach eating The Pie because there was nothing else for me to think about. Van Auger groaned a few times, eyelids fluttering. He wasn't quite awake yet, though.

Apparently Teach didn't like the awkward silence any more than I did, since soon enough he was striving to fill it. "So, Keira… How about a demonstration of your powers? Once Auger wakes up, of course. Put the men's minds at ease, you know; can't let Burgess keep thinking you're some useless little tart."

I bit my lip at those words. Or, one in particular. _Useless_. "Of course, _Captain_. What would you like me to do?"

"Hmmm…" Teach chomped thoughtfully on a bite of pie. "I'm not really sure. What Fruit is it you have, anyways? Not sure what kind of power sends a man flying, then suffocates another. Some sort of Air-Air Fruit?"

"The Force-Force Fruit, actually." There was no point in trying to hide it- and he'd be dead soon enough anyway, so what harm could it do? For the first time, I raised my head enough to meet Blackbeard's eyes, grey locking onto black.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Doc Q's direction. It was followed by a burst of coughing. Burgess looked at his crewmate with… Not concern, I don't think, but something similar. I don't know the name of the emotion, and neither does my writer.

"What's wrong, Doc? Snake in your grandpa panties?"

"Don't laugh, fool!" Doc Q took a half-hearted swipe at Burgess' head. He didn't make contact. "The Force-Force Fruit is a thing of _myth_ , even more volatile than most other Fruits. For many, it does barely anything- _maybe_ makes them into a human Impact Dial, but even that's not always a sure thing. Every once in a while, though… Every once in a while, a wielder surfaces who uses that Fruit to control the very fabric of the universe."

Burgess scoffed and raised his tankard to drink. "A fairy tale. Besides, _every_ Devil Fruit gives the ability to control the fabric of the universe or what have you- just gotta use them right."

" _No_." There was a loud clink as Teach set his fork down in the now-empty pie tin. "This one's different. When I read about it, I thought it was a fairy tale too, and ignored it. There haven't been any confirmed users in several hundred years. But if Keira's telling the truth…"

Teach's eyes hardened, burning into mine. "Which are you, girl- a tool… Or a god?"

Lisa gripped my coat tightly, her body stiffening as her breathing sped up. One hand inched towards her paints.

But it wasn't time to act yet. I considered my options quickly. Call myself a tool and Blackbeard might just decide I was disposable- that he could kill me and take my Fruit for himself, what with his _unusual physiology_ that allowed him to eat two. Whatever _unusual physiology_ meant, in the _One Piece_ world. And if I called myself a god… Not only was that untrue, but Teach might decide to kill me as an act of pre-emptive self-defence. So really, there was only one thing to tell him.

The truth.

"I'm neither a tool nor a god. What I am is a loyal soldier- a witch and shinobi in service to the future Pirate King." Bowing my head, I broke eye contact with Teach as a sign of submission. "I live to protect my crew and see my captain take Roger's throne. It's his fate, after all."

"ZEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Teach roared with laughter, clutching his belly and throwing his head back to strike the wall behind him. His eyes twinkled with dark light. " _That_ , Keira, is the perfect answer. Welcome aboard the Blackbeard Pirates! Now… I don't think I properly introduced you."

One by one, Teach pointed to his crewmates. "The old fellow with the cough is our doctor, Doc Q. His horse, Stronger, is outside. Go to them if you ever need patching up."

"This big guy here's Jesus Burgess, wrestling champion and resident hothead. Also takes forever to get ready in the mornings, so shipboard he has his own bathroom. We'll show you around later."

"Lafitte's out at the moment- running an errand for me in Mariejois. Should be back in a couple days. He's a little… _Odd_ , but I'm sure you'll get on fine. As long as you don't mind him playing with your hair, that is."

"And you've already met Van Auger." Teach clapped the sniper heartily on the shoulder. This was finally enough to wake Auger up; the sniper startled, fumbling around for his rifle when he caught sight of me. I forced a mad grin onto my face, my scars twisting it into something sinister. Van Auger glared.

"Captain, what is _she_ doing here?" Van Auger made a point of turning away from me to address Teach. His captain clapped him on the shoulder again.

"Zehahahahaha! Don't worry about it, Auger. Keira's one of us now."

"No hard feelings, eh?" Forcing my grin wider, I held out a shaking hand. Van Auger stared at me in disbelief.

" _You attacked me out of nowhere._ You _strangled me_ , and _threw me off a roof_!"

I shrugged, quickly coming up with a story that should fit. "Eh, don't worry about that. It was just a contract- you were disturbing my client, shooting all those birds." Shrugging again, I played with the end of one of Lisa's pigtails.

"Keira and her little sister were wandering mercenaries, of a sort," Teach explained when Van Auger continued to display nothing but disbelief. "I just hired them on _permanent-like_."

Van Auger sniffed. "Noted. I don't _like_ it, though. And I wouldn't trust that _girl_ any further than I could throw her."

"Sesehihihihihi!" My burst of laughter took everyone by surprise, even me. I actually had _tears_ in my eyes from the force of it. Hugging Lisa close, I shot Van Auger a dry look. "Then it's a good thing for _me_ that you can throw me as far as _I_ want you to."

All the Blackbeard pirates looked at me in confusion. Lisa and I both shrugged and spoke in unison. "Gravity is a force."

Teach's eyes narrowed. Which, yeah, okay, gravity was part of _his_ Fruit's portfolio too- I was either a threat, or competition. "Is it now? And what _else_ counts as a force, hmm?"

"Lots of things." I continued hugging Lisa- although more like a teddy bear now. Her presence helped ground me; I couldn't believe I'd ever planned on doing this without her. "Gravity. Magnetism. Electrostatic forces, AKA static electricity. Friction. Impact, or applied force. Pressure. Tension. Air resistance. Normal force- the force exerted between two solid objects as they touch. Spring force. Buoyancy. Centripetal, centrifugal, and Coriolis forces. Weak and strong nuclear forces."

And weren't those last two a scary prospect. If I could control nuclear forces… That did more than just blowing things up- although the thoughts of nuclear fission and fusion were plenty scary indeed. But controlling weak and strong nuclear forces also opened up particle physics and _quantum mechanics_.

 _Tabarnak_ , my writer gave me a stupidly, _frighteningly_ overpowered Fruit.

Nodding, Teach continued to eye me with suspicion- much like one watches a large dog who, while they've never bitten, continually growls and shows their teeth. "I see. And which of those have you managed to make use of so far?"

"Impact, gravity, friction, pressure, spring," I listed off. "Although my control with gravity is… lacking. I nearly broke the mast on the last ship we were on. Training exercise."

Lisa fidgeted on my lap, possibly due to impatience. Which… She had a point. We needed to get moving; our crew- our _ambush_ \- wouldn't last forever. Besides, Teach would start showing symptoms soon. Didn't want him getting suspicious of The Pie before we got him to the battlefield.

"Well," Teach grunted, "I guess I should lay down some rules, eh Keira? Like no practicing new forces on the ship."

"Fair enough." That was actually a rule I'd need to keep in mind on the _Going Merry_ in the future. _Thousand Sunny_ too, when we got her.

Yes, I know _Sunny_ is often considered to be male. But she's still a ship, so she's female in my mind. Bite m- oh wait. Wrong fic.

Groaning slightly, Teach got to his feet. He closed his eyes as he did, one hand reaching up to rub his temples as he swayed almost imperceptibly. Dizziness and a headache- it was starting. "Alright, Keira, why don't we head out of town a bit? Find a nice open space for you to show what you can do."

"Of course, Sir." Lisa and I rose, followed soon after by the rest of Teach's crew. We left the bar as a group, with Burgess tossing some coins on the table and whistling to one of the barmaids.

Van Auger watched me like a hawk as we made our way outside. Eyes narrow, one hand on his gun- he didn't like me _at all_. Which made sense. And I didn't care anyway; it wasn't like I'd have to fool him for long, and I didn't like him either.

Stronger whickered tiredly as we approached, the poor old hack. I flinched inwardly, though I didn't show it on my face. He was part of the enemy crew, but… I hated the idea of hurting a horse. Even one who appeared to be on his last legs anyway. Stronger had never hurt anyone… But I had to assume that he would fight on Doc Q's behalf if asked, which unfortunately made the old hack an enemy.

At least Doc Q seemed to treat the horse well. As skinny and shaky as Stronger was, he was clean and well-groomed- I didn't see any sores anywhere, and his saddle fit properly, not chafing as Doc Q mounted up. The old doctor even had a gentle hand on the reins, barely moving them as he directed Stronger to start walking beside Teach. And Stronger whickered happily in response. His voice was hoarse (pun!), but eager.

Unable to help myself, I moved closer as we walked, resting one hand on Stronger's blue-grey flank. The horse flicked his ears in my direction, but otherwise didn't respond. His hooves clopped steadily along, a heavy, dragging pace that ate up ground surprisingly quickly.

Teach's symptoms worsened rapidly as we made our way through Mock Town. His face flushed; he was panting heavily despite the fact that all we were doing was walking on relatively flat ground. Every once in a while he looked around dazedly, as if he'd forgotten something, or was looking for someone who wasn't there. And from the way he was walking, his stomach was paining him almost as much as his head.

At one point, we passed a bunch of collapsed buildings. Bellamy's crew was there, digging their captain out of the rubble. I could see just enough of the spring man to notice that his eyes were spinning, the iris morphed into a spiral shape. Which was… Still weird, even if I'd been here for months and had Chopper explain how those sorts of things worked.

Bellamy's crewmates glared as we went past- particularly the women who'd pulled me out of the water. I forced a smile and waved at them; the blonde one I'd knocked out earlier gave me the finger. My forced smile morphed into a grin.

By the time we were out of town, Teach was staggering occasionally. His crewmates were looking at him with concern- although Van Auger seemed to have made the connection and had readied his gun, looking from it to me as if wondering if it would do any good. Doc Q raised a hand, indicating for everyone to halt.

"Captain, you're showing several symptoms commonly associated with altitude sickness and cyanide poisoning. We have an assassin in our midst."

 _Ka-chik_. Despite having no success with it previously, Van Auger cocked his gun and pointed it at my head. Burgess reached out and grabbed one of my wrists- which looked so _small_ in his giant hands- while Doc Q spun his scythe with unexpected dexterity for a man in such seemingly ill health. Teach blinked, taking a moment to comprehend the situation through the haze of the poison. As soon as he figured out what was going on, though, shadows began to gather around his hands.

I made a few quick calculations in my head and started absorbing the force of Burgess' grip.

"Shoulda known," Teach slurred. "Can't trust people… When strong Fruits're involved."

The dark captain reached out to grab me, intending to keep me from using my powers. But the poison was doing its job- he was slow and unsteady. I wasn't, and Burgess only controlled one of my arms.

An important thing to remember when punching someone- never let your punch sit. If you do, the force comes back up your arm into your own body. Contact should be as short as possible, with the maximum amount of power behind the blow. Force=Transferred Momentum/Time on Target. I grinned. Thank you, Sensei, for drilling that into me over and over for years.

"LISA, _NOW!_ "

Another important thing to remember when punching- aim _through_ the target if you want to break it. Or, in this case, launch it several hundred meters. I didn't aim at _Teach_ when I hit him- I aimed at the minefield my crew had set up on the other side of the trees.

The combined principals worked. It was the hardest I'd punched someone in my life- my knuckles smarted from the contact with Teach's ribcage. But it did its job. Blackbeard _flew_ as I released my entire charge in a fraction of an instant.

And I wasn't the only one moving, either. Almost as soon as I opened my mouth, Lisa had a tube of paint open, spattering a large, messy dollop onto her palette and swiping her brush through. Black smears spun out across Blackbeard's crewmates' faces even before I was finished retracting my punch.

"NEWTON'S SECOND!"

"BETRAYAL BLACK!"

Van Auger, Burgess, Doc Q, and Stronger all startled as the thick black paint splashed across their faces. The three men moved as if to attack us- only to find themselves hitting each other at the last minute. Van Auger's bullet bounced off the horn of Stronger's saddle; Burgess' punch aborted as he was forced to catch Doc Q's scythe with one hand.

The not-so-good doctor glared at Lisa. " _What did you do?_ "

"My job," she responded with a dark smile.

Lisa and I took off through the trees towards the minefield; Blackbeard's crew followed. Whether because Betrayal Black was forcing them to see us as their leader, or because following us was the closest they could do to killing us with it active, I wasn't sure.

The lack of _boom_ surprised me. Had Blackbeard somehow managed to land without activating a single mine?

Apparently, the answer was yes. The soil of the minefield was completely undisturbed as Lisa and I broke through the trees, though Teach was sprawled out on the ground with spinning eyes. Our crew- plus Sabo, Ace, Marco, and Namur- moved to surround the darkness man before he could stand; Haruta was a second slower, blinking up at the sky in surprise for a moment before he realized what was going on.

"You little-!" KRA- _CHOW!_

Van Auger tried to shoot me in the back, but Lisa's Betrayal Black wouldn't let him take aim. Or at least, not at me. Instead, the sniper's bullet struck his own captain, piercing into Blackbeard's shoulder as Teach rose to his feet. Blackbeard flinched and grunted, eyes going wide; a small stream of blood leaked out from a dark, round hole.

The look of horror on Van Auger's face when he realized what he'd done was priceless. Not as good as the Enel face, though.

Blackbeard looked around for a moment, still dazed from poison. His words were slurred. "Auger… wha' wazzat for? S'mutiny…"

Van Auger didn't answer, still looking horrified by what he'd done. Ace spoke in his place. The freckled pirate's voice came out a bitter snap. "You'd know all about mutiny, wouldn't you? Hijo de puta!"

"Was different…" Teach slurred, turning slowly. A bit of colour drained from his face when he realized he was surrounded and who was there. Not much, though; he still seemed to think he could win this.

Fool.

"It wasn't different to us, yoi, or to Pops." Droopy blue eyes narrowed as Marco kicked at the ground. "The deepest circle of Hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers. Time to pay your dues, yoi."

With those words, it was like a dam broke. The first division commander of the Whitebeard Pirates moved almost faster than I could follow, leaping into the air and transforming with a burst of flame, raking golden claws across Blackbeard's face before the man had time to blink. "SCAAOOOOOREEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Fire Fist!" Marco was followed instantly by Ace; if he'd been any other bird but a phoenix, the huge fireball that roared after him would've burnt him to a crisp.

Teach staggered to the side as he tried to avoid the second attack. He was only partially successful.

Doc Q, Stronger, and Burgess all immediately moved in to help their captain, seemingly forgetting what had happened to Auger a moment before. Burgess looked like he was gunning for me, leaping forwards in a flying tackle, while Doc Q's scythe made an eerie whistling noise as he rode at Ace. Unfortunately for both of them, Betrayal Black was still going strong. No matter what they intended, what _actually_ happened was Burgess tackling Stronger, putting the horse in a headlock. Doc Q just barely managed to maintain his seat. Stronger reared and flailed, whinnying in panic as Burgess dangled from his neck.

Teach growled, finally regaining his senses enough to do something. Reaching for his belt, he slipped a set of wicked tiger claws onto each hand. A massive ball of darkness coalesced as he leapt forwards, somehow still not setting off any of the mines; it covered the battlefield as Teach spun with a snarl.

"Black World!"

I couldn't see anything; in an instant, it was like my sense of sight was just _gone_. One of my greatest fears… For a brief second, I was frozen. And _during_ that second, something swished past my face, drawing a stinging, arrow-shaped patch of pain on one cheek. I leapt backwards, drawing a sai in one hand.

"ARGH!" Not far from me, Ace's voice cried out in anger. A phoenix called somewhere above.

"Lead Star! Lead Star!" _Pting-thud. Pting-thud_. In the darkness, I couldn't see if Usopp had hit a person, or just the ground. There was no cry of pain, though, so I expected the latter. Then off to the side I heard a loud crunch, followed by Chopper's voice.  
 _Krch!_ "RUMBLE!"

I was starting to be able to see a bit; not far, though. The darkness was near-complete; I was lucky if I could see five feet through the swirling shadows. Hot and cold air rushed through the blackness, accompanied by the smell of ozone as Nami set up _her_ part of the battlefield. Somewhere to my left, Ruatha screamed. This was followed by the sound of several pairs of hands clapping over ears.  
" _MAAAAAAAARZUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!_ "

There! Something absolutely massive moved in the darkness at the edge of my vision. I spun towards it, launching a force-enhanced kick and rolling my sai through a prolonged, flicking strike.

"Newton's Second! Demon Fang!"

No effect; Teach took the attacks like they were nothing as his outline solidified against the blackness. He had one arm raised. Before I could move, his tiger claws descended towards my head- too fast, too fast! I was going to be cut in half!

I couldn't get out of the way.

"Bla - ARGH!" Something barrelled out of the shadows, knocking me out of the way of what should've been a fatal blow. Blood spattered across my face as I fell on my ass.

The shadows were clearing… But though I could see again, I wished I couldn't. For a moment, the world, the fight… Everything seemed to pause so I could take in the gruesome scene.

An arm. A single arm, highlighted in my view by its own blood, red drops oozing slowly down my glasses. An arm that was no longer attached to the person it belonged to, but rather, lying on the ground. Twitching. A red-stained tonfa lay beside it.

Ghin stood where I had been a moment before, in a stance that suggested he'd tried to push me out of the way and hit Teach at the same time. Red dripped from one shoulder that was little more than a stump; his whole body was shaking. Eyes glowing white with pain, he keeled over- slowly, so slowly- and landed on the ground beside me. His breath came in ragged pants. I could just barely hear the words he gasped out as he stared up at Blackbeard.

"Don't touch my sister, you son of a bitch."

Fuck… Blood. So much blood. Ghin was hurt and it was my fault- protecting me- from _Teach_. Teach's fault. Teach hurt Ghin. Teach hurt Ghin _bad_.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr… GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!"

Suddenly, it wasn't just blood that was covering my vision in red.

Luffy POV

When Marco and Ace made the first move, Luffy was expecting the darkness guy to do something with gravity. That's what Jones had been preparing them for. So when everything went black, he was caught totally off guard. He couldn't see! The rubber boy ducked and rolled on instinct, in case something attacked while he was blind.

Nothing happened anywhere near him, but he heard Ace cry out in anger and pain.

The darkness started to fade fairly quickly, with the outlines of people becoming clear once more. The sky was still dim, though, like a gathering storm.

"Bla- ARGH!" One of the first things Luffy saw was the man who created the darkness, standing over Jones and Ghin. His quartermaster struck the ground ass first as blood flew through the air; Luffy's rigger stayed standing… Except one of his arms. Huge claw blades tore through flesh and bone with a wet noise. Ghin's arm hit the ground with a quiet- yet somehow deafening- thud.

Luffy's pulse roared in his ears.

Chopper was running before Ghin's arm hit the ground. The crack of bones filled the air as the reindeer moved, transforming several times in quick succession. It was accompanied by the click of his hockey stick extending.

"Brain Point! Scope! Heavy Point! Slapshot!" With the flick of two powerful wrists, a piece of black rubber flashed through the darkness to hit Blackbeard in the forehead, forcing him to take a step back. "Jump Point!"

The reindeer bounded across the ground as one of Ace's crew mates- Haruta- rushed in from the other. But Chopper's hooves did what _Blackbeard_ had been supposed to do when he landed…

 _FPOW! FPOW! FPOW! FPOW! FPOW!_

Five mines went off with deafening noise. Grease splashed out over the ground, covering a circle of earth and stone larger than the deck of the _Going Merry_. A fountain of acid spurted up too, showering everyone with drops that stung. Luffy closed his eyes as he dove forwards, not wanting any of it in them. That didn't keep him from seeing what happened next though, as the last mine made the darkness light up orange, so bright it was visible through his eyelids.

Heat. Fire. The entire battlefield was suddenly ablaze. Luffy winced at the burning, still scrambling forward. Part of him remembered that he was supposed to stay back, that if this guy grabbed him, he'd lose his powers. But that didn't matter right now.

Blackbeard had hurt his family- _badly_. Luffy was _angry_.

Chopper knelt beside Ghin, quickly binding the rigger's arm with a strip of heavy fabric so he didn't bleed out. Blackbeard moved to strike the doctor in that moment, but was stopped as a light sabre jabbed into his side. Haruta grinned up at the dark man sadistically, flipping a small, hidden dagger out of his sleeve.

"This's for what you did to Thatch!" Dragging the dagger across the underside of one heavy arm, Haruta leapt back an instant before tiger claws would've split his skull like a melon. Ace's crewmate danced through the flames, nearly untouchable.

Bullets, pachinko balls, and knives flew overhead. Usopp, Robin, and the weird sniper with Lisa's paint splashed across his face. The sniper looked like he was trying to hit Jones, but Lisa's paint forced him to aim at Blackbeard- his own captain. Usopp's pachinko balls glanced off the dark man's head, distracting him from pursuing Haruta; one of Robin's knives sliced a chunk out of Blackbeard's hair, while a second embedded itself in the back of one of his hands.

There was no blood though. The knife was wedged into the ridges of the darkness man's tiger claws.

And then Luffy was there, staring up at Blackbeard as the flames roared around them. This dark man, who'd hurt his rigger, who Jones said would kill Ace, if given the chance… As close as he was, Luffy could smell sour cherries, accompanied by something faint and bitter. Dark eyes, glazed with poison- but still keen enough. And _angry_. Luffy could feel the anger rolling off the man in waves.

He matched it with his own. Luffy's eyes narrowed as he focused on what Blackbeard had done, one of the most hated words a pirate could say roaring in his brain. _Mutineer_. Even if Jones hadn't said this man would kill Ace, even if Blackbeard hadn't _crippled Ghin_ , attacking a crewmate- a man who saw you as a brother- was unforgivable.

For a second, time seemed to stand still.

When Luffy's eyes met Blackbeard's, the rubber boy felt a brief sensation of… loss. As if the tapestry of fate had had a thread pulled. The feeling was gone quickly, though, replaced by a faint pressure. Like with Ace and Bluejam in another fire, so long ago… But nowhere near as strong. Luffy was able to brush the pressure off as time started moving again.

"Gum-Gum Gatling!"

 _Fwip-ting! Fwip-ting! Fwip-fwip-ting-fwip-ting-ting-ting-fwip-fwip!_ One hand still holding his pipe, Luffy lashed out with a storm of blows. Flames blew outwards around him, his punches whipping up wind. Heat flooded through his arms, anger… Blackbeard's nose gave in with a satisfying crunch. One hand lashed out to grab Luffy's wrist; he snapped his arm back, so quick and close that the man's tiger claws skimmed the back of his hand. Another set of tiger claws descended towards his head. Luffy jumped back, flicking his pipe up to send the blades glancing off to one side as he resumed his position in the middle distance. The rubber boy's place was immediately taken by Sanji and Toma, leaping in from either side.

"Collier! Épaule! Côtelette! Selle! Poitrine! Gigot! Mouton Shot!" Neck, arm; drop into a handstand and spin back and forth to strike chest and lower back. Up, aiming for the chest again, followed by a heavy kick to the middle. Each of Sanji's kicks was blocked, steel-toed shoes pinging against tiger claws. Sparks flew.

"Ryutsuisen!" Toma came down like a hammer, but the dark man spun fast enough to block him too, tiger claws catching on the boy's too-long sword. And tearing _through_ the blade, sending shards of metal flying across the burning battlefield. Hot steel struck Yosaku with a hiss; the green hunter yelped.

"GAH!" The darkness man's tiger claws didn't stop with Toma's sword, though. One hand caught the boy in the face, sending him tumbling across the ground. Rolling and bouncing, Toma's head struck a rock as he came to a stop.

The boy wasn't moving.

"Walk Point!" Chopper cantered across the battlefield, Ghin clutching weakly to his back with his remaining hand. Charred, red-stained fabric bound the rigger's shoulder tight; Chopper's work was rough, but thorough. The reindeer grabbed Toma and sprinted out of the flames with his patients, striking out wildly with his hockey stick as he did so. "Heavy Point! High Stick!"

He hit nothing.

"Tatsumaki! Oni Giri!" Zoro stepped in, flames spiralling around him as his blades whipped up wind. Like his apprentice, the bosun's swords were caught by Blackbeard's tiger blades. None of Zoro's katana broke… But both _Yubashiri_ and _Sandai Kitetsu_ twisted strangely. It was as if the snow sword was trying to go on the defensive, to protect Zoro's face from the piercing ends of Blackbeard's claws- but at the same time, the cursed sword wanted the darkness man's blood.

The result was both swords lodging between Blackbeard's tiger claws, allowing the darkness man to throw Zoro backwards. Luffy's bosun tumbled end over end, crashing into Lisa as the little painter prepared a blob of blue paint. Both went down, with a brief spatter of blood as _Kitetsu_ stabbed into Zoro's leg. There was a brief flare of frustration from the sword.

"SCAOOREEE!" Turquoise flames cut through the orange with the speed of a bullet. Marco slammed into Blackbeard from behind, delivering a heavy peck to the back of the darkness man's head. The phoenix shifted with a burst of flame, from avian form into a more humanoid one- although still with wings and talons. Golden claws kicked out, sending Blackbeard stumbling forward…

Right into a heavy palm strike from Namur. The fishman growled deep in his throat. "Shark Brick Fist!"

Blackbeard staggered off to the side. For a moment it looked like he might fall- then he regained his balance, swinging back to rake his tiger claws across Namur's chest. Shadows coalesced around one of Blackbeard's hands, and with it came the increase in gravity Luffy had been expecting, pulling everything towards the darkness man with gradually increasing force.

But Jones _wasn't countering it_ , though. The otherworlder was snarling like an animal, eyes glazed over, chasing Blackbeard through the flames. She never quite caught him, though, as he moved and fought with others. Luffy wanted to be angry- this was _her_ plan, dammit!- but… Ghin's blood was spattered across her face.

So he was angry at Blackbeard instead.

"SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Geier flashed across, a sooty streak in the flames. She snapped at Blackbeard with beak and talons, just barely missing as the darkness man spun and ducked to slam his gravity shadows into Sanji's chest, sending Luffy's cook crumpling to the ground.

"Dark Matter!"

 _Aerial Ace! Four-Leafed Clover!_

Drifter launched himself off Geier's back as she swooped up an away. He flung his signs out to the sides; they burned up before even hitting the ground. Chipped clam blades glinted orange as the otter spun through the air. Blackbeard snapped one hand up at the last instant, though, catching Drifter before he could make contact. Snarling, the otter twisted to dig his blades- and his _teeth_ \- into Blackbeard's wrist. The darkness man threw the otter away with a forceful, startled flick.

Behind Blackbeard, two more fast-moving shapes appeared through the shadows and flames. Twin pipes- one lit from within by deep _blue_ fire different than what surrounded them- crashed into the darkness man's head before he could turn to face them. Grinning despite his anger, Luffy leapt forwards to join his brothers.

"Dawn Island Hunting!"

 _TONG! KANG! PUNG!_ Blackbeard's eyes morphed into spirals as he was struck simultaneously by three pipes- a blow that had killed many an alligator once upon a time. It didn't kill the darkness man, though- at least, not if the fact that Blackbeard was able to spin and grab Ace's bicep was any indication.

The flames in Ace's pipe sputtered out. Luffy's eldest brother snarled, twisting and wrenching at his arm in an attempt to free it.

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!" A still dazed and enraged Jones darted between Luffy and Sabo, launching what looked like a wild version of her Pentagon Punch. Five heavy strikes slammed into _Ace_ as Blackbeard turned, using Luffy's brother as a human shield.

"Tornado Tempo!" Nami's weather systems were finally ready to go. Wind blasted across the battlefield, extinguishing parts of the blaze- but fanning others even higher. A large tongue of flame leapt to catch on Luffy's shoulders; he rolled across the ground to put it out.

"Lead Star! Blasting Cactus Star!" Usopp's ammunition exploded into needles at Blackbeard's feet. Some of the needles hit the darkness man in the ankle; many others hit the _horse_ that came rearing and wheeling through the fire. Plate-like hooves crashed to the charred ground with a whinny of pain.

The horse's rider swung a great scythe. For a moment, Luffy thought the man was aiming for him- the rubber boy ducked and flung himself to the side. But the huge blade didn't come down anywhere near where he'd been standing. Instead, the scythe dug into the back of the huge wrestler who was still clinging to the horse, burying itself in thick muscle next to the man's spine. The wrestler twisted, punching the rider and flinging the horse aside with a yell of pain.

"GRAH!"

Somehow, the rider managed to keep his seat. Luffy lost sight of the men as fire and shadow danced. Last he saw, the horse was kicking the wrestler in the chest as the trio wheeled around.

The shadows grew more intense again, centered on a patch of complete blackness forming on Blackbeard's chest. _This time_ the gravity turned up high, the way they'd been training for. And higher- Jones had never gone this high, whether because she couldn't, or because she was afraid of damaging the ship. Luffy braced himself with his pipe to keep from being pulled in. All around him, his friends and crew mates stopped and held firm as well.

"Black Hole!"

Trees, dirt, rocks, burning grease- everything nearby started flying through the air, spiralling into Blackbeard in a burning storm of rubble. Luffy flung himself to the ground to avoid being hit by one of the flying trees. Johnny and Yosaku weren't so lucky; the hunters got bowled over by a flaming log. "Yow!"

Of course, some of what Blackbeard sucked up was a few more undetonated mines. A small explosion went off; the darkness man flinched as burning caltrops embedded themselves in his skin. It wasn't enough to make him release his grip on Ace, though. Luffy's brother was still twisting and struggling, clawing at Blackbeard's arm as he kicked at the darkness man's side. A few kicks even landed on the stab wounds Haruta had delivered. Those made Blackbeard cough and curl in on himself.

"Liberation!"

Blackbeard dropped to one knee, slamming Ace into the ground face-first and releasing his hold on gravity in a huge burst. Shrapnel flew everywhere- shards of wood and metal and stone, droplets of grease. All on _fire_. Stinging, _burning_ shards fell like rain on Luffy's crew, charring holes in clothing and raising painful blisters.

"Guard Point!" Chopper stood over Toma and Ghin, thick fur absorbing the worst of the flaming rain to protect his patients. Then the reindeer shifted again as Luffy darted in to try and free Ace.

"Heavy Point! Slapshot!"

Blackbeard's gravity thing seemed to have returned Chopper's puck. The heavy rubber flew back immediately, although it soared harmlessly over the darkness man's head.

"Gum-Gum Bazoo- GYARGH!"

For someone so huge, Blackbeard was _fast_. Tiger claws flashed in before Luffy could snap his arms forward to strike. Four times- twelve lines of burning pain as the rubber boy's chest was torn open. His vest was left shredded, buttons disappearing into fire and shadow. The cuts formed a gaping, painful X.

"Acid 75 Jet!"

"Base 75 Jet!"

Johnny and Yosaku, out from under the log that had squashed them, fired on Blackbeard. The corrosive splashes did little more than eat holes in the darkness man's clothes as he covered his head, but it gave Luffy the time he needed to catch his breath. And they weren't the only ones.

" _ **MAAAAAAAAAAAARZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!**_ "

It felt like his ears were exploding; Luffy nearly dropped his pipe as he covered them. Ruatha was planted solid, wings flared and claws digging into bedrock. His scream froze the battle momentarily as everyone tried to protect themselves. Blackbeard, Zoro, and Haruta- none of whom _could_ protect themselves without dropping what they were holding- began bleeding from their ears.

One of Blackbeard's crew- the wrestler- barrelled through the flames. The black paint appeared to have burnt off his face, no longer forcing him to attack his own allies. One heavy elbow slammed into Sanji as Luffy's cook came in to kick Blackbeard; a fist the size of a large ham sent Johnny flying. All around them, the ground shook.

"Shockwave Elbow!"

"Nueve Fleur Twist!"

Robin caught the wrestler in a tangle of arms, yanking him up and around in a way no one without a rubber spine should have been able to move. Bone cracked loudly.

"Hah! Yah!" Haruta darted in again, sabre and dagger catching Blackbeard in the arm as the darkness man moved to claw him. Two bullets whizzed past- Blackbeard's sniper trying to hit Haruta, being forced to aim for his own captain instead, and missing both.

"Gum-Gum Alligator Shears!"

Luffy swung his pipe back and forth as he ran in this time, the wounds on his chest still burning. Coughing and bloody, Blackbeard raised a hand to block. The hand that held Ace. Luffy's attack hit his brother at the same moment Ace launched a particularly powerful kick at Blackbeard's bleeding side. The combined efforts left Ace with a massive bruise covering the side of his head- but also sent him tumbling free. Flesh turned to flame as Ace regained use of his powers.

"Conca- AGH!" Sanji flipped overhead, aiming a kick at Blackbeard's skull. But the darkness man ducked out of the way at the last second, sending Luffy's cook somersaulting past. Nami skipped out of the way as Sanji nearly landed on top of her.

Ace

Pain. Luffy actually _had_ gotten stronger; that pipe to the head hurt. Ace shook himself to get rid of the ringing in his brain. He was free now, and he had his powers back. It was time to finish this. Anger flooded through his chest. Teach had _crippled Thatch_ , had nearly _ripped Luffy's chest open_. Ace struggled to hold on.

 _Can't lose my temper_ , he growled internally, _Have to be careful. Teach is dangerous. If I'm not careful, we could still all die_.

Of course, it was hard to keep calm when the person who'd insisted on how important that was had lost her own cool. Jones was a snarling, growling mess, face hard, eyes blank with rage as she kept charging at Blackbeard. And missing. Her face and glasses were coated in dark, drying red; Ace wondered if she could even see what she was doing.

"Mouton Shot!"

"Tora Gari!"

And Blackbeard… finally seemed to be flagging. His breathing came loud and heavy. After ducking the cook, Teach managed to just barely block Luffy's bosun, knocking Zoro down with a kick that seemed to do almost as much harm to Teach's balance as to the swordsman's. A move that left him vulnerable to another strike from behind.

"HYAAAAAAH!"

 _TONG! CRCHK!_ Sabo's pipe slammed into Teach's side, hard enough to break one of the man's ribs. Blackbeard stumbled and rolled, coming to his feet right in front of Luffy- but not for long.

"GUM-GUM BAZOOKA!"

 _FWIP! THUD!_ Luffy's strike sent Teach flying towards Ace. The freckled pirate lit his fist up with white-hot fire, preparing for a point-blank version of his signature technique. Ace jumped forward to meet Teach as the dark man crashed into the ground.

"FIRE FIST!"

It was the first time Ace had performed that technique at such close range. His fist smashed into Teach's chest as the flames expanded in a sphere- and then _kept going_. Flesh and bone gave under Ace's knuckles, grossly squishy. Like jamming his hand through rotten wood and congealed fruit pulp.

And then air; his arm had gone all the way through.

Ace pulled back in shock and disgust. Stepping away, he saw Teach staggering, a hole pierced through the center of his chest. Ace's arm dripped red. The freckled pirate shuddered, twitching at the feeling.

Jones skidded to a halt beside him, panting. Her eyes were still glazed, but she seemed to be slowly gaining coherence as she stared up at the bloody hole Ace had punched in Teach's chest.

"Did… Did we win? Is he dead?"

"Dying," Ace croaked out. All his anger, all his strength, everything- it all seemed to be flowing out through that hole in Teach's chest. The freckled pirate blinked slowly. They'd done it. The mutineer was dead. Thatch was avenged. But… It wouldn't let him walk again. It would keep Teach from hurting anyone else- Ace flinched as he thought that, remembering the jagged, gaping wounds on Luffy's chest- but killing Teach still wouldn't help Thatch.

His contemplative mood was broken, though, when the small woman beside him suddenly darted forward. Ace jerked in surprise; the look on Jones' face was _venomous_. The freckled pirate _really_ wondered how she got off lecturing him about _his_ temper when _hers_ could be so _vindictive_.

Jones

Teach was dying? _That wasn't good enough_. I darted forward with a snarl as my senses returned, shoving my sai back into place on my belt. My eyes were fixed on the large, dark man in front of me. I _knew_ it was possible to be _dying_ and yet recover from it. Not easy, but possible. And if it was likely to happen to _anyone_ in this world, it would be Blackbeard.

The snake.

"I will _not_ have this bastard Rasputinning his way out of this! GAAAAAME!"

Tackling Teach forced him to stumble back to the edge of the slope. Below, while not a cliff, was still steep enough that a body rolling down was unlikely to be halted on its way to the sea. Water lapped loudly against sand and stone.

Stunned, dying, Teach stared at the hole in his chest with dazed fear. His whole body shook, fighting to stay alive despite the fact that he was bleeding out and missing a large chunk of one lung. And that's not even counting the poison, or the other wounds he'd sustained over the course of the battle.

"I- But- It was my fate," Teach rasped out, "To be King of the Pirates."

Panting heavily, I shook my head. "Not yours," I pointed at Luffy, "His."

"No, mine!" Blackbeard's voice was wet and gurgly as he tried to keep talking. And filled with… Panic. He was afraid to die. A bubble of blood burst at the corner of his mouth. "You changed-!"

"No." In contrast to the dying man before me, my voice was flat and even. "I didn't change your fate, Blackbeard. I changed how soon it would come to you, and how many lives you ruined along the way. You would have come close, maybe you would have even gotten what you wanted- for a brief while. But you're the villain of this story; in the end, you could never win."

Reaching out, I poked one of the broken rib ends that stuck out of the hole in Teach's chest. He screamed. _That's for Ghin's arm, you bastard._

"Marshall D Teach," I let out a sound that was equal parts a sigh and a snap, "I will admit you had a good plan. Scummy, disgusting, and cruel, but tactically sound. Use Whitebeard as cover while biding your time, searching for the Dark-Dark Fruit. Gain a position as one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea- I bet if Luffy hadn't taken out Crocodile, you would've seen to it that one of them conveniently _disappeared_ , if you couldn't talk the World Government into adding an eighth position. Access the sixth level of Impel Down so you could stage a breakout, recruiting some of the most infamous criminals in history to your crew."

Blackbeard's face, already pale as death approached, went chalk white as I revealed what I knew of his plans. I jabbed my finger into the exposed hole in his chest again, prompting another scream. "But for all your years of patience, for all your careful plotting and scheming, there was one thing you couldn't _possibly_ have planned for."

"Wha-?"

" _Me_." Raising one foot, I planted it on the part of Teach's chest that was still whole. "Newton's Second, you son of a bitch."

As my foot made contact, Teach's face morphed through numerous emotions. Shock. Fear. Understanding. And… amused madness. His face split into a wide grin, as if to laugh at his own downfall, his hubris. I didn't give him the chance, though. A burst of force sent Blackbeard keeling over as his eyes rolled up in his head. His body- dead or alive at this point, I couldn't tell- tumbled and bounced down the slope.

 _Splash!_

I sank to my knees as I heard that surprisingly quiet noise, burying my face in my hands. Tears ran down my cheeks, hot and wet, mixing with the blood streaked across my face. We'd… We'd done it. We'd really done it. Blackbeard. Was. _Gone_.

Marco

Marco landed beside Ace with a quiet thump. The entire battlefield was momentarily frozen, everyone staring at Teach as the life seeped out of him. Everyone except the bloodstained little girl who was scrambling through the dying flames, her breathing heavy. Marco raised an eyebrow at the look of unadulterated _hatred_ on her face, as well as the words she snarled as she raced forward.

"I will _not_ have this bastard Rasputinning his way out of this! GAAAAAME!"

Ah. This must be White Lion. Marco remembered seeing her earlier, but he hadn't made the connection. She was… smaller than he would've expected, even shorter than Straw Hat. All in purple and black, a long coat covering light leather armour and an aggressively violet shirt- the sleeves of which had been shredded at some point during the fight. A black fedora stuck to dirty blonde hair- whether through force of will or the stickiness of sweat and blood was impossible to tell. A long ponytail streamed behind her as she ran, dark gold spattered with crusty red. Between the thickness of her glasses and the blood smeared across them, Marco was surprised she could see where she was going.

As for the rest of Straw Hat's crew, they looked… Tired. Marco supposed this was only to be expected- they were a bunch of rookies, and Teach was a New World veteran, with Pops since he was sixteen. And there had been things during that fight even Marco hadn't been expecting- like a brief moment of Haoshoku Haki, too weak to do more than slow people up, but definitely there. Neither Marco nor Pops had known Teach could do that at all.

The little reindeer that wore a hockey jersey trotted over to Straw Hat on shaking legs. His first two patients were safe for now. Shrinking into his teddy bear like form, the exhausted doctor pulled a needle and thread from the blue knapsack bouncing on his back. Tiny hooves did their best to sew up the ugly, gaping wounds on Straw Hat's chest.

Marco knew enough about injuries to know it was a poor job. Such large slices, so close together… It was going to make a large, ugly scar.

Straw Hat himself looked… A bit grim. He toyed with his pipe as his doctor sewed him up, and kept glancing over at his two injured crewmates. Relieved that they were alive, but also concerned… There was something eating at him.

Probably the fact that one of his men had lost an arm. That was… Ghin, right? The rigger… A job that was difficult to perform with only one arm. Marco flinched in sympathy. He himself didn't have to worry about losing limbs or anything, thanks to his Devil Fruit, but he'd known enough pirates who had.

The phoenix wondered how this little crew of rookies would adjust.

Beside the scowling, one-armed rigger, the little swordsman boy was still unconscious. Quick, but well done, stitches held together a set of cuts just under the boy's hairline and across a freckled cheek. An X, like Straw Hat's chest. The boy groaned and twitched a little, his consciousness starting to return.

Ghin scowled at Marco when the one-armed man noticed the phoenix watching the wounded pair. Ducking his head in apology, the phoenix moved on.

Most of the girls of Straw Hat's crew looked relatively unharmed, as did his gunner. The redheaded sailing master was a bit shell-shocked, clutching her staff tight; the boy with the slingshot was shaking like a leaf. He stared at the battlefield with wide, unblinking eyes. Opposite them, the tall, dark woman- who Marco was almost certain was Nico Robin, the demon child of Ohara- dug slowly through ash and rubble in search of the knives she'd thrown throughout the fight.

Straw Hat's little painter girl had a splatter of blood on her cheek, but it didn't belong to her. No, it was from the bosun. The muscular, green-haired man had removed the black bandanna he wore during the fight, using it to bind the stab wound on his leg until the little reindeer doctor got to him. Or possibly to try and hide the wound completely, but Marco doubted that would be allowed.

Off to one side, the cook was limping slightly. The blond man didn't seem to care for his own injuries, more concerned with making sure the sailing master was alright. She leaned into his touch when he rested a hand on her shoulder, her stiff posture finally softening.

Squawking and scrabbling drew Marco's attention to the otter and vulture team. Somehow he found them even odder than the reindeer- at least the doctor had a Devil Fruit to explain why he acted so human. The pair preened each other, doing their best to clean away ash, dirt, and grease.

Not so different from one of the human pairs, which brought a wry smile to Marco's face. The two young men with electric swords had spun some knobs on those giant sprayer tanks they carried, and were now squirting each other with cold, pure water. Although while it did clean _them_ off, it made the ground muddier for everyone else.

And then there was the dragon. Marco had always _heard_ that there were dragons somewhere in the world, but this was the first time he'd seen one himself. It appeared to be related to the dinosaurs of Little Garden, from the shape of its head and talons. And just a baby too. The large reptile was possibly the only member of the crew who didn't seem exhausted, bounding eagerly around, tail lashing like a puppy. Clawed wings sent gobs of filth flying as the dragon scampered from person to person.

Overall, the gang of rookies brought a smile to Marco's face. They were a good little group. Unusual, but with lots of potential. It would be hard on them, one of their number losing an arm, but they'd get through it. Just like _his_ brothers always did when something happened to one of their own.

Marco reached out with one hand and gave Ace's shoulder a firm squeeze. "Your brother's got himself a good little crew here, yoi. You should be proud."

Smiling, Ace reached up to play with the medallion hanging from his hat. "Yeah… I am."

"We both are." Sabo came over and squeezed Ace's other shoulder. Haruta and Namur weren't far behind him. "Lu's gonna be King of the Pirates someday, after all."

For a moment, Marco expected Ace to answer no, that Pops would be. Which was… Well, the old man always found it flattering and amusing that so many of his younger sons thought that way, but… Marco had been with him long enough to know. Pops had no interest in Roger's throne, other than to make sure it went to someone who would honour his old friend's memory.

But because Ace _didn't_ know Pops' feelings the same, Marco was a little surprised to hear how the second division commander answered his blond brother. With a _laugh_.

"Bwahahahahahaha! You bet! And we'll be right there to see it when it happens, eh Sabo?"

Ace's words were met with a Haki-enforced pipe to the head. "Quit laughing like Gramps! You're gonna give me a heart attack!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Ace covered his head with a pout.

Haruta burst out laughing at the brothers' antics, while Namur cracked a toothy smile. Marco shook his head, a ball of fond exasperation warming his chest. Ah, these crazy kids. He must be getting old, if they were able to surprise him like this. Well, Pops wouldn't mind yielding to the new generation soon.

Soon. But not yet. They may have potential, but they still had a lot to learn.

Marco- and everyone else for that matter- was drawn back to reality after a second as a soft _splash_ sounded from near where Straw Hat's ship was docked. At the top of the slope, White Lion fell to her knees, bloody face buried in greasy, ash-coated hands. Her shoulders were shaking with relief.

And then, from one of Teach's crew mates, came an angry roar.

Jones

A yell from Burgess- bestial and angry- forced me back to reality. Right. Teach may have been gone, but his crew was still very much alive. And apparently freed of their hypnosis, from the yelling and footsteps I could hear behind me.

Everything felt heavy, worn, as I forced myself to my feet. I was too slow. Half-turned, I saw Doc Q and Stronger charging towards me, the horse's hooves sucking and splashing as he cantered through the ashy mud. Doc Q's scythe gleamed as he raised it high.

I was too slow to get out of the way. Just like with Ghin…

"Thunder Tempo- Chain!"

A bolt of lightning leapt to strike Doc Q's scythe, running down the haft into his hands. Some of the electricity arced to Stronger's bridle; the horse whinnied and stiffened. He and his rider went down, rolling and sliding, mud flying everywhere in their wake.

Adrenaline surged through my bloodstream, giving me the energy to finally pick up some speed. I leapt back towards everyone else, kicking off Doc Q's face as I aimed for a bigger threat.

"Newton's Second!"

"Galleon Lariat!"

Burgess' arm smashed into my chest, firing me into one of the few trees left standing. My back slammed into wood hard enough that both made a loud cracking sound; the tree broke in half as I struggled to get my breath back. I felt sick… But at least I was alive. I love my powers.

KRA- _CHOW!_

"Lead Star! Exploding Star!"

 _Pting! FOOM!_ Metal struck metal in midair, deflecting Van Auger's bullet before it could hit Nami. Usopp's second shot exploded in Auger's face; the other sniper reeled, nose bleeding, face covered in burns and soot.

"Electroblade!"

Johnny and Yosaku rushed Burgess from either side, their dadao crackling with bluish sparks. The huge wrestler ducked between the hunters, sending them tripping into each other- only to come face to face with a toothy grin from Ruatha. My baby leapt backwards as Burgess tried to punch him, wings flaring and claws spreading as he let out a scream.

"MAAAAAAAAAAAARZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"

Burgess shook his head, eyes spinning- and I could only imagine how much that hurt, having a dragon scream at you while your head was practically in its mouth. Ruatha scrambled away before Burgess could refocus, darting through the man's legs and knocking him off balance.

KRA- _CHOW!_ Van Auger fired at Haruta as the boy raced at him. The bullet missed by a hair's breadth, Haruta twisting just to the side. That twist was enough to let Van Auger slip away, though, Haruta's sabre and hidden dagger tearing through Auger's cloak without harming skin.

Not that the sniper got away totally unharmed. Three hands bloomed from his shoulders, thumping him heavily on the head. Off to one side, Robin stood with her arms crossed. "Tres Fleur!"

Burgess lunged for her, fist raised. Luffy and Chopper intercepted, my captain's chest full of half-done stitches dangling from red, shredded flesh.

"Gum-Gum Gatling!"

 _Crnch._ "Rumble!"

Unfortunately, this was Chopper's second Rumble Ball in six hours. He popped into Guard Point when he'd meant to use Arm Point, pausing for a moment in surprise before charging at Burgess with all the power of a giant, angry pom-pom. Luffy and Burgess both tripped over the little reindeer as they tried to punch each other.

"Recepti- OW!" Sanji raised his leg to kick Burgess as the wrestler got to his feet. A hoof the size of a plate crashed towards him as Stronger and Doc Q re-entered the fight, the horse breathing heavily. The cook tried to both jump out of the way and keep attacking Burgess at the same time, with the result that he ended up slipping in the greasy mud and toppling end over end, kicking himself in the face as he came down _hard_ on his back.

Oxygen was finally started making its way back to my lungs. Breathing again… That was nice.

"Toro Nagashi!"

"Wah! Um, Arm Point! Cloven Roseo!"

Zoro stepped in close, blocking with two swords as Burgess turned to punch him. The flat of _Wado Ichimonji_ slammed into the wrestler's temple as Zoro twisted around, knocking him back on his ass. Burgess head bounced off a rock with a loud crack.

Chopper, meanwhile, popped into Arm Point when it really looked like he'd been hoping for Jump Point. He lashed out with his hooves at the nearest living thing- which at this point was Stronger the horse. A flower-like bloom of hoofprints appeared on Stronger's flank.

Chopper's escape technique when the horse kicked at him in response was probably one of the strangest I've ever seen. Using Arm Point's massive upper body strength, he performed what appeared to be a clap push up that launched him several meters into the air.

"Hallucination Hot Pink!"

Lisa's paint splattered across the battlefield, an eye-burning shade that put highlighters to shame. The burst appeared to be centered on Van Auger; he ducked behind Stronger to avoid it. That didn't save the sniper, though. Stepping that way put him in range of a kick from Marco; Van Auger went down with the imprint of giant bird talons on his forehead.

"SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Geier blurred past like a feathered missile, Drifter dropping from her back as she raked her talons through Doc Q's hat. The impact and new burden sent the vulture careening into the stump of a broken tree. Her partner had more success, flipping through the air to club Doc Q over the head with his tail, waving two signs as he did so.

 _Aerial Ace! Bell Toll!_

"Hundred Brick Fist!" Namur's fist slammed into Stronger's head as Drifter rolled free. I winced as I dragged myself to my feet. Hitting a horse like that, even an enemy warhorse… Stronger staggered back, eyes blank and spinning, barely able to keep his footing.

 _TONG! PANG!_

Ace and Sabo hit Doc Q with their pipes as the not-so-good doctor knocked Drifter away and swung his scythe at Namur. The fishman leapt back, out of the way; Stronger, in pain, bucked and kicked at Ace with both rear hooves. Keratin passed through flame with a harmless crackling noise.

Blood trickling down the side of his head, Doc Q lost consciousness with a groan. Somehow he remained in the saddle, despite leaning limply to the side of Stronger's neck. That seemed to be too much for the horse. Faced with a number of dirty, dangerous people and animals, without the assistance or direction of his rider, Stronger turned and bolted. Great clods of mud flew up behind him as Stronger cantered away, far faster than I would've expected from such a broken looking nag.

And then… it was done. There was no one left to fight. My crew mates looked confused, on edge, as if they were expecting someone else to attack out of the blue. And really, I wouldn't have been so surprised if Lafitte had gotten back at that moment and made a move to avenge his captain. He didn't, though.

Chopper was the first to break the spell, popping through several transformations in quick succession until he finally reached Brain Point. The little reindeer stumbled wearily over to Luffy and grabbed the captain's arm, pulling the rubber boy down into reach.

"Sit. I'm not done stitching your chest up yet."

"Worry about Ghin and Toma first." Luffy sat as ordered, but pushed Chopper away when the reindeer tried to actually start sewing him up. The little doctor rolled his eyes.

"I did that _during_ the fight. They're stable; I fixed them up as much as I could with what I have here. Anything else I need my stuff from the _Merry_ for. You're next- let me finish sewing up your chest before you bleed out."

"Not gonna bleed out…" Luffy mumbled. He relented, though, leaning back so Chopper could get a good angle to finish stitching those ugly, gaping wounds. Brown eyes flicked over to where Burgess and Van Auger were lying, unconscious. "Someone tie them up so they can't surprise us, ne?"

"Aye-aye, Captain!"

"On it, Big Bro!"

Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku scrambled to fulfill Luffy's request. Soon enough, the two Blackbeard Pirates- could they even be called that still, now that Blackbeard himself was dead?- were wrapped up like mummies. Except, you know, with rope instead of bandages. Which looked _really_ stiff and uncomfortable.

Everyone seemed exhausted- well, not the Whitebeard Pirates and Sabo so much, but my crew mates definitely were. And filthy… Mud and ash and grease and blood. Nami looked around at everyone, then pointed her Clima-Tact up at the localized cloud still hovering over the battlefield. A cloud she hadn't gotten to use with how close together everyone had been.

"Rain Tempo!"

Clear, warm water showered down, washing away the filth of battle. And a good portion of the ground beneath our feet as well. But I don't think people minded slipping in the mud, if it meant no more grease, ash, and blood coating their skin.

Especially blood.

Tired, nauseous, and somewhat lost, I wandered across the battlefield in a daze. My shaking steps brought me to a halt beside Ghin; I knelt, head bowed, unable to look him in the eye. Because… It was my fault. He'd gotten hurt because of _my plan_ , because he was protecting _me_.

"I'm so sorry."

My eyes burned; red-stained water dripped off my face, some of it much hotter and saltier than Nami's rain. My hands clenched into fists, nails digging into my palms. _How could I let this happen?_ I should've been better, faster. I'd- _Crisse de câlice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge!_ I'd been _wearing my weights_ the _whole fucking time!_ If I'd remembered to take them off… Maybe I'd have been fast enough to get out of the way. Maybe Ghin wouldn't have gotten hurt.

 _Fucking shit! I was so stupid!_

A heavy hand rested on my head as I bit my lip so hard it bled. Ghin's voice rattled through the rain, hoarse and strained, barely audible over the falling water. "It's al- alright. I'll be okay."

"It's not alright," I mumbled, my voice cracking. "You got hurt, and it's _my fault_. If I'd been smarter… Faster…"

"It might still have happened." Ghin shifted his hand to give my forehead a weak poke. "Even you can't predict the whole future. That bastard might still've got me if we'd done things different. As it is… I'll live. I'd rather lose my arm than another little sister."

He choked out what was probably meant to be a rueful laugh, but it just sounded painful. "Just… Try not to let it happen again, eh? I've heard of one-armed pirates before, but never a no-armed pirate."

I didn't have anything to say in response. All I could do was grab Ghin's remaining hand and hold it tight. He felt so… Cold. And he was shaking. Chopper had said Ghin and Toma were stable, but still… My big brother was probably going into a little bit of shock. I should keep an eye on him, make sure it didn't get too bad. Fuck… I shouldn't have let this happen.

A warm hand rested on my shoulder. The voice that accompanied it was solemn. "Now's probably not a good time for that talk, ne?"

Sabo. I didn't- couldn't- even turn to face him. "No. It's not."

"I understand." Sabo's voice was low, heavy. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry I keep pushing. Can you tell me when _will_ be a good time? Dragon won't wait forever…"

Fuck it, Sabo, thinking wasn't my strong suit right now! I let out a strangled whine, not sure how to respond. All I could think about was Ghin's _arm_ , though, how he wouldn't have lost it if it wasn't for me…

"Water Seven," I finally choked out. "After Enies Lobby falls… Meet us in Water Seven. Hell, Dragon can come himself if he wants. Might even be better."

"Enies Lobby is going to-?!" Sabo's hand slid off my shoulder in shock. "How? _Why?_ Are you sure?"

Well, the CP9 agents had been under cover at Galley-La since _long_ before I arrived in this world, so… "Yes. Robin's on our crew, so unless I can pull off a bloody _miracle_ , Enies Lobby will fall. And I'm fresh outta miracles at the moment."

"Very well. I'll tell Dragon."

Ghin made a small noise of confusion at my words. It quickly turned to a noise of pain, though, as water ran over the stump of his arm. I released his hand for a moment to move around to his other side, trying to shield the roughly bound limb from the rain.

I draped my coat over Toma too, as I resettled. Best to keep him as warm and dry as possible. The boy was making noises, groaning and twitching a little. He might wake up soon. He'd have wicked scars on his temple and cheek, when all was said and done.

Shifting around gave me a better view of the former battlefield. Chopper had moved on from Luffy at this point; currently, the reindeer was bullying Zoro into sitting down so he could have a look at the swordsman's leg. My captain was now searching through the mud with help from Drifter. For what, I couldn't tell, until the otter held up something small and shiny, accompanied by a sign.

 _Found one!_

Oh. The buttons from Luffy's vest. Not that there was much vest for them to be sewn back onto… The garment was almost as shredded as his chest. Still, they could always be used for something else.

Something purple shone wetly through the dimness, tangled in the branches of a shattered tree. Funny… The only purple I remembered seeing anywhere on the battlefield was Robin and myself.

I wasn't the only one who saw it. Namur wandered over and picked up the purple object, turning it over in his hands. A frown creased the fishman's face as he examined the purple, lumpy fruit. Like the unholy offspring of a pineapple, a raspberry, and a bunch of grapes.

Beside me, Toma suddenly sat bolt upright, eyes wide open, and _screamed_.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Calming Green!" Lisa slapped her paintbrush across Toma's forehead on reflex as she approached. This had the desired effect, in that he immediately calmed down enough to stare at her with an aura of dazed bitterness.

"Please don't do that…" Toma whispered. "I've… had enough things playing with my head, recently."

Lisa went pale. Pulling out a cloth, she quickly wiped the smear off Toma's forehead. "Sorry! I just… You were gonna tear your stitches if you didn't calm down…"

"My-? Oh." Toma reached up to touch his face, flinching as his fingers met puffy, ridged flesh.

Marco, Ace, and Haruta had gathered around Namur, now, all staring at the fruit in the fishman's hands. Haruta reached out with his little knife and poked it, as if afraid to touch with his bare skin.

"What- what do we _do_ with it?"

"Take it home, yoi." Marco shook his head with a sigh. "It'll be proof, for Pops, that Teach was dealt with. And it belongs to Thatch, yoi. If he wants to eat it, or sell it, or hide it, or try to destroy it… Up to him."

"He said before that he might sell it," Namur said quietly. "But that might change now."

Ace said nothing. Luffy's brother was glaring at the Devil Fruit as if it had killed his family- which it very nearly had. He probably wished he could light it on fire and never have to see it again. Huffing in disgust, the freckled pirate spun on his heel and stomped over to where I sat with Toma and Ghin. He lit himself aflame to provide warmth for them until they could be moved.

"That _thing_ is just as evil as Teach himself."

Toma nodded fervently. That aggravated his injuries, though; the boy flinched and laid back on the ground, face white as a sheet. Hopefully he didn't have a concussion… Ghin groaned, returning my grip on his hand tightly.

"A fruit, evil or not, can't do anything on its own. It's just a weapon. The man… Making sure the _man_ is gone is what's important." Pausing, Ghin hissed in pain. He pulled his hand momentarily free of my grip to poke Ace in the forehead. "You can stop worrying, Firecracker. We're all gonna live. You, me, Don Luffy, even your Thatch… We're all gonna be alright."

"Yeah…" Ace forced a smile, although it turned into more of a wry smirk. It vanished quickly, though, turning into a solemn look as he glanced over at me. "All thanks to you, Jones."

EH?!

I shook my head violently, my ponytail stinging my face as it whipped back and forth. "No, no, not thanks to me. I screwed up… I'm the reason Thatch is crippled and Ghin got hurt…"

"You're the reason Thatch is _alive_ ," Ace countered. "Crippled, we can deal with. He's got his chair for moving around, and ramps to get to different levels of the ship. And there's a chance we could find a doctor who could heal his back, someday."

"And if Red-Haired Shanks can still be a pirate with one arm," Ghin said with a wince, "So can I. Just… Once it stops hurting…" Shaky, sweating, my big brother leaned against me to keep from falling over. Whatever adrenaline and energy had kept him sitting up was apparently running out.

"Plus…" Here, Ace's voice went very quiet, "If what you said is right, you saved me too… Whether or not someone with my blood deserves saving."

"You do." I frowned, wishing I could somehow get this through Ace's head. "Don't let what you heard as a child colour your vision of your family- most of those people didn't know Roger, and the government propaganda is a pack of lies. Talk to the people who _knew_ him before you judge him. Pops. Shanks. Silvers Rayleigh, in Sabaody."

Ghin reached up and gave me a weak poke in the forehead while Ace shook his head in exasperation. "Stop trying to turn things on others and let him finish," my big brother admonished with a groan. I flinched.

"Sorry…"

Ace reached over and poked my forehead too- his was much stronger than Ghin's, even at full strength. Hard enough to leave a bit of a bruise. "I'm trying to thank you, casquivana. Sure, things aren't perfect, but everyone's _alive_. Which you said wasn't true before… So… Thanks."

Then Ace did something very strange. He held his pipe out in front of him, staring at me expectantly. I blinked in confusion. What…? Had I missed something somewhere? Apparently not, as Sabo sighed and reached over to tap Ace on the head with the end of _his_ pipe.

"Use your words, Ace. I thought you said Makino taught you how to do things like this."

Tanned skin lit up bright red beneath its coating of freckles. Ace shot his brother a quick glare before turning back to me. "Look… I know you had a staff that broke at Little Garden- Lu told me. And… With Teach gone, I don't need this. Sabo only brought it cause you said it was dangerous for Fruit Users to touch him. And your dream was to master as many martial arts as you could, wasn't it? You'll need a staff for some of them. So I want you to have it."

Ace was… giving me his pipe? I reached out and rested my hand on warm metal. Ace let go, a small smile on his face. The pipe was… heavy. Not unbearably so, but noticeably heavier than a wooden staff. Although I wasn't sure how much of that was actual weight and how much was… _weight_. Ace's pipe felt… _important_ , somehow. Or maybe I was imagining things…

I couldn't speak. My throat felt like it was closing up. Tears came harder, faster… I bowed my head.

Around us, the rain was coming to a stop. The sky was still dark, though. There were other clouds besides Nami's.

Ghin went limp and heavy on my shoulder, losing consciousness with a quiet groan. A surge of panic flew up my spine; my heart started racing. "Chopper! Ghin just passed out!"

"Is he warm enough?" Chopper jumped up from where he was rubbing burn ointment on Johnny and Yosaku, cantering over. "How's his pulse? How does his skin look?"

Warm skin, slightly paler and more greenish than usual, pulse slow, but fairly strong. Chopper breathed a sigh of relief as he examined our rigger. "Shock and pain. Ghin's tough, but he still has limits. He's okay, though. No bleeding, no injuries that I missed."

Blue nose twitching, Chopper sniffed Ghin a few times and nodded. "Just keep doing what you're doing for a few more minutes. When we get back to the ship, I'll think of a more… permanent way of protecting his…"

Chopper trailed off, ears flattening against his skull. Usopp wandered over and picked him up, petting the little doctor silently. He was followed by Ruatha, who came to curl around me, Ghin, and Toma with a soft croon. My baby rested his head on Ghin's lap.

"I could cauterize-?" Ace offered, looking at the tightly wrapped stump of Ghin's arm. Chopper shook his head.

"The fire from the battle already did a decent job of that, and I've got everything cleaned and sewn up as much as I could. It'd do more harm than good, at this point."

Nodding, Ace fidgeted in place, as if not knowing quite what to do with himself at this point. Chopper squirmed for Usopp to put him down; rather than doing so right away, the gunner carried the doctor back to Johnny and Yosaku. I squeezed Ghin's remaining hand, wishing there was a way to fix this. But… I couldn't turn back time. The best I could do was get Ghin to Franky, and see if the cyborg would be willing to make him a prosthetic arm.

See if Ghin would accept one. I had no idea how he'd feel about such things; they weren't common in the East Blue.

Sucking splashes through mud; Marco came over to tap Ace on the head. "Come on. We should get back to Pops, yoi. He'll want to know what happened."

"Yeah…" Ace stood up- and immediately had Luffy latch onto him with a rubber _twang_. My captain was pouting.

"Do you _have_ to go?"

Ace laughed and ruffled Luffy's hair, squashing his hat down over his eyes. "Yes, I _have_ to go. So let _go_ , Lu."

"Don't wanna." Luffy squeezed Ace tight, wincing as that rubbed the multitude of stitches on his chest. Snickering, Ace dissolved into a pillar of fire and slipped free, reforming a couple meters away.

"You'll need to learn Haki if you want to keep me from leaving, Lu." A broad smirk crossed that freckled face. "Maybe next time."

Luffy nodded eagerly- then frowned. "When's next time, though?"

That made Ace frown thoughtfully too. "Well… We're pirates. It could be a while… But we're always connected by the sea, however far apart we are. That said… How about I come see your crew at Sabaody? Give you a proper welcome to the New World. You can show me if you've managed to learn Haki by then."

"And if I have, Ace will join my crew?" Luffy shot his brother a sly look.

A fist wreathed in sparks slammed down on his head, Ace jumping in close to deliver the punch. "No way! I could never sail under my baby brother! That'd just be weird!"

Namur marched over before Luffy could respond. Large, blue-grey hands hefted Ace like a sack of potatoes, draping him over the fishman's shoulder. "Come on. Let's get going. If we wait too long, we'll miss Thatch's birthday party. And we can't do that now of all times, can we?"

Not waiting for an answer, Namur headed down to where the _Going Merry_ was anchored. Haruta was already down there, retrieving Ace's _Striker_ and a small skiff from the deck of the ship. Ace flailed the whole way, squirming and struggling- but never hard enough to actually break free, or to risk hurting Namur.

"Put me down! I don't like to be manhandled!"

His protests went ignored.

Marco was the last of that group to head down to the shore. The phoenix paused, hands in his pockets, eyes roving over the entirety of the Straw Hat Crew in one long, appraising look. Then he smiled. "I think Pops would like you kids. Take care, yoi."

Arms turned to enormous wings; feathers grew and feet became talons with a crackle of turquoise flame. Wind gusted around Marco as he took off, soaring down to the boats to fly above his crew mates as they headed out to sea.

They passed another boat as they were leaving the bay- a small vessel that looked like a Norse faering, its small, square sail full of wind. The small boat rocked in the wake of Ace's passing as he darted ahead of his crew mates. Its sole occupant- whose vibrantly clashing ginger hair and mulberry top were visible even from far away- stood unsteadily and waved a fist at the departing pirates.

"Watch where you're going, you flame-brained moron!"

If Ace responded, I didn't hear it. I was too focused on trying to figure out that voice. It was familiar, but not one I could easily place- someone who hadn't had a whole lot of screen time. But who?

I was still trying to figure it out when a ginger blur in black pants, a mulberry military jacket, and matching newsboy cap came tearing up the slope and grabbed Sabo by the face. His cheeks stretched painfully as gloved hands pulled them in a way no one but Luffy was meant to be pulled. Any protests the blond revolutionary made were muffled and incoherent… As well as covered by the angry voice of the new arrival anyways.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED DRAGON WAS? HOW WORRIED _I_ WAS? PIPE-BRAINED MORON! I NEED TO GET YOU A LEASH! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BACK AT BASE ALMOST A MONTH AGO!"

Ah. Koala.

"Mmph mmmmmble frrbrr mrr!" Sabo answered inelegantly. Nami raised an eyebrow at Koala's antics.

"You know… He'll have an easier time answering you if you let go of his face."

"Right…" Koala released Sabo with a scowl. Folding her arms under her impressive bust, she tapped one foot impatiently in the mud. "You're a _month_ late, Sabo! Do you know how long it took me to find you? I thought you'd died! And then I get here, and you're playing in the mud with your brother's crew. Dragon is _not_ going to be happy."

"We weren't playing!" Sabo protested, rubbing his reddened cheeks. "We were killing an asshole who would've killed Ace if he'd been allowed to live!"

"And you couldn't have _called_? Didn't you take a den-den with you when you went on leave in Alabasta? Or did you _enjoy_ falling off the radar and nearly giving me a heart attack?"

Scarred skin lit up redder than before, embarrassment making it glow. Blue eyes flicked guiltily off to the side. "I _may_ have forgotten my den-den in the castle in my rush to fetch a couple things from Dawn Island."

"You. Utter. _Moron_." Koala groaned and clutched at the sides of her hat, casting her eyes skyward. " _How_ did you end up as the chief of staff, again?"

"Because I'm handy in a fight and know more about politics than anyone except maybe Dragon?" Sabo offered weakly, taking a step back. "And my handwriting is more legible than Ivankov's?"

Koala sighed, deflating. "You're lucky you're cute."

Luffy jumped up on Sabo's back, wrapping his arms around his brother multiple times. Head resting on Sabo's shoulder, he peered at Koala from under the brim of his hat. "Ne… Sabo, who's this?"

"She's my partner, Lu. Koala." Smiling, Sabo patted Luffy's head. "Koala, this is my little brother."

"I know. You never shut up about him." Koala looked over my captain, one eyebrow raised. "Somehow I thought he'd be… taller."

That made Luffy pout. He snuggled into Sabo's shoulder, wincing as fabric rubbed against his stitched-together chest. "You're not here to make Sabo leave, are you? Cause he's gonna join my crew."

"What?! No I'm not!"

"No he's not!"

Sabo and Koala thumped Luffy over the head simultaneously. Although while Koala looked annoyed, Sabo wore a fond smile. "You know if I was here, I'd always want to protect you, right Lu? And how would it look if the Pirate King had his big brother looking after him all the time?"

Luffy made a face at that, hugging Sabo even tighter. "Boo… You know I'd look after you too, right? That's what a crew does."

"I'm sure you would." Sabo patted Luffy again.

Koala's hand turned black with Haki; she reached up and jabbed Luffy in the brachioplexus. One of his arms went limp, unwrapping from Sabo and falling to the ground. He yelped in surprise.

"As adorable as this is," Koala drawled, "We _do_ have places to be. Sabo, you're a month behind on paperwork, and Dragon told me to tell you you're on snail duty until further notice."

"What?! That's no fair!"

"Neither is disappearing off the face of the planet without telling us!" Jabbing a few more pressure points, Koala peeled Luffy off Sabo's back and bundled him into Zoro's arms. The bosun took grunted and set our captain on his feet… Although he _did_ take hold of Luffy's shoulder to prevent the rubber boy jumping on his brother again.

Grabbing Sabo by his cravat, Koala began dragging him down to her little faering. "Come on. We have to go. I left _Bunny Joe_ in charge of my unit while I came to get you."

Sabo winced at that. "Not even Terry?"

"He was visiting his mother for her birthday!"

"Grk!" Sabo flailed as Koala yanked harder on his cravat, forcing him to follow her lest he be strangled. Then, before heading down the slope, the revolutionaries paused. Turning to face the whole crew, Koala smiled brightly.

"It was nice to meet you all. I wish we had more time to get to know each other."

She then turned and continued dragging Sabo away before anyone could come up with a response. By the time anyone- namely, Usopp- found their tongue, the revolutionaries were already well on their way out of the bay below.

"I- Wha-? More time to get to know each other? None of us even introduced ourselves!"

Nami placed a hand on the gunner's shoulder. "Usopp?"

"Yeah?"

"Calm down."

Nodding, Usopp took a few deep breaths. "Sorry, I just… Ergh…" The gunner reached up to massage his temples. He was shaking.

Lisa blinked at the retreating boat. "Well… That was a thing that happened."

"She was gorgeous," Sanji muttered dreamily, his eyes turning into glowing hearts. "Not as beautiful as you, Nami dear, but still… Gorgeous. What did the shitty captain's brother do to get a girl like her?"

Johnny snickered. "Looked more like she has him, Big Bro. By the- meep!"

"Don't finish that sentence." Sanji glared and looked like he was considering kicking the blue hunter. He didn't, though. Nami sighed and shook her head at the both of them.

Across the muddy plateau, Robin had sat down on a rock to clean her throwing knives. The archaeologist stared at the battlefield in a daze, as if she couldn't believe what had just happened. Drifter and Geier sat down with her, the vulture perching on her shoulder while the otter sharpened his clam blades at her side.

 _This little crew's pretty tough, aren't they?_ Drifter asked with a knowing look. _And they'll do_ anything _to protect their family_.

Robin didn't reply. She just kept staring at the unconscious forms of Burgess and Van Auger, and the muddy flats where Blackbeard had once stood. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Hopefully, she was realizing that she didn't have to worry, that our crew could- and would- be a place she could call home without fear of it being taken away.

"Monah…" Ruatha raised his head and butted it against mine. I blinked.

"Eh? Oh, you want scritches." Slipping Ace's pipe across my back where my staff had once gone, I freed one hand to give my dragon the rubs he desired. Ice blue eyes closed; Ruatha settled his head back on Ghin's lap, purring in contentment. His tail draped across Toma, adding the warmth of dragon body heat to that of my coat.

Soon after that, Chopper was finished performing first aid on everyone's injuries. It was time to go back to the ship so he could take a more detailed look at Ghin's arm. I nudged Ruatha to the side, carefully lifting my big brother up as I stood. Beside me, Zoro helped Toma to his feet. The boy was still conscious, but having a hard time walking straight.

Heavy footsteps approached, though, as we started making our way down to the _Merry_. Only a single set, from the opposite direction as Mock Town… I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Who was my writer contriving for us to meet _now?_ Wasn't Koala and the fact that we fought alongside a few of the _Whitebeard commanders_ enough?

Apparently not, as a tall, muscular figure appeared around a mud-splattered boulder.

This one, however, made more sense, even as he dropped his walking stick and pulled out a pistol. Panning around, unsure where to aim the gun, narrowed eyes took in the sight of charred rocks, shattered trees, and mud that contained equal parts ash and grease. A chestnut-shaped growth bobbed over blond hair; the newcomer put his gun away with a frown when he realized none of my crew mates were hostile- that in fact, several of us were in no condition to fight at all.

"What in _blazes_ happened here?!"


	31. Hyperbole

**Hyperbole: an exaggerated statement or claim not meant to be taken literally**

 **Snowgirl7589: I think it turned out as much for the best as it really could, don't you?**

 **Gamelover41592: Thank you very much! ^_^**

 **Krazyfanfiction1: Thanks! I'll do my best!**

 **Demonata1-04: Dammit Jones indeed... But it all turned out okay, eh?**

 **sdkop21: Thanks!**

 **ScarletCatnip: Oooh... Sorry about that. Thanks. And yeah, I figured Teach would probably have Conqueror's even if at this point it'd be untrained due to him hiding from Whitebeard. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if he does in canon, but I'd bet the answer is yes.**

 **Keiolsha: Don't do anything reckless? I make no promises. XD After all, if Jones never did anything reckless, we'd lose a lot of fun moments.**

 **Lightsbane1905: Shit went down indeed. And yes, I've made up a bit of a backstory and legend for the Force-Force Fruit that'll be coming out eventually. After all... It was pointed out to me (rightly) that a Fruit whose schtick is literally "power over physics" would've had at least one or two previous users who figured out its potential through sheer luck and experimentation, even if most users never got past the "human Impact Dial" stage.**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you very much! And yes, I found killing Teach that way to be very cathartic.**

 **LittleAngel2292: One of your questions is about to be answered. The other... May take a while.**

 **ZF IAnswerToNoOne: Thank you very much! And nope— no worming out of it. Teach is dead, dead, DEAD! *waves a cheery goodbye to the rails***

 **Azurai Wolf: Sorry for keeping you up so late. And you're right— it could take a while for Sanji and Jones to get along properly again. As far as Robin and Ghin... I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.**

 **777blackfox777: Yes, he did brush it off easily, didn't he? At first appearance. But there'll be something coming of it, never fear.**

 **GreenDrkness: You know the first sentence of your review? That was how I felt after finishing Chiaroscuro. I'd been planning that for so long. Now that it's over, it's a very strange feeling... Until I remember some of the other things I have planned! Thank you very much!**

 **Sideshowmail: Yes, I enjoyed giving Teach's death that nice little bit of symbolism. As for you missing the previous update... I did post them close together, and FFN was having some issues with notifications for a few days. Sorry. And thank you very much!**

 **ShinigamiMaster: Yes... After Thriller Bark, there are a lot of things that are suddenly wide open, aren't there? So much fun... But for now, to the island in the sky! Time to go full Elton John!**

 **Lily Noir: No need to apologize for the long review. That was very well thought out. Thank you. And... No, it didn't occur to them. There are indeed issues on both sides, which neither Jones nor the rest of the crew are really sure how to fix. Hopefully what I've got here is a good start. But it'll definitely take some time. Thank you. Thank you very much.**

 **FairyGirl960: You need wait no longer.**

 **An Bouwer: Thank you very much! ^_^**

 **Very brave: Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.**

 **DragonBookAddict: *dances* Yes indeed! Ding, Dong, the Dark-Dark Man is Dead!**

 **trilbybard: XD Oh, that's funny. Thanks!**

 **LuffyLover: Sorry about the sad and the anxious... But happy is good. And I suppose, if I'm making people feel things, that means I'm doing a decent job as a writer.**

 **RedWyrmLord: Thank you very much! ^_^ *happy dancing***

 **Insanity Lord: I hope so too. But it's Oda-sensei, so I'm sure Blackbeard's canon death will be ten times better than anything I could manage. I just did my best.**

 **TheCopyUniverse: Yep, Blackbeard's dead, Cricket's here, and now, we must fly! *dramatic pose***

 **stephen51991: Ah, true. Aithusa would've worked well too. I suppose I picked Ruatha because Dragonriders of Pern was such a big part of my childhood. As far as a connection between Whitebeard and Jones... We'll just have to wait and see. After all, you can bet Pops will eventually want to meet this little East Blue crew that helped his boys take down Teach, eh?**

 **DutchessBatCat: Thanks! Hopefully I continue to live up to your expectations.**

 **drrainbowfish: Thanks! And you're welcome. I'm glad people like you can connect to Jones. I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life, and my father is bipolar, but that doesn't mean we can't kick ass! Just that we need to do some things a little differently along the way. So... I write this story to try and help people see that. If that makes sense? Sorry... I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into words right now. I'm glad you like my story, though. Thanks!**

"What in _blazes_ happened here?"

Cricket's voice cut the air like a knife, making me flinch. Ghin groaned in my arms. But at least the diver was no longer pointing his gun at everyone. Cricket bent to retrieve his walking stick, never taking his eyes off our crew and the flattened, blackened battlefield. Although he did glance at the bound forms of Van Auger and Burgess when one of them let out an incoherent groan.

"A fight," Luffy replied simply. My captain prodded experimentally at the stitches on his chest, until Chopper trotted over and slapped his hand away.

"I can see _that_." Cricket looked around again before approaching, apparently deciding that we were too worn out to be much of a threat, no matter how many of us there were. "Hell, I could see it from my _house_! You practically blew up half the island!"

Nami shot her own calculating look around the battlefield before blinking at Cricket tiredly. "That's a bit of an exaggeration. At most, we blew up a twentieth of the island."

That didn't seem to make the old diver feel any better. "And who in _blazes_ were you fighting that did so much damage? Whitebeard?"

"No. A shitty mutineer from his crew." Sanji lit a cigarette with shaking hands. "Although we did have a few of his less shitty commanders helping us. They're gone now, though."

Cricket's jaw dropped to the ground, his eyes bulging slightly. I shuddered at the sight. That looked… _weird_ , in person. "You-? What-? Who-? How-? _Why-?_ And you didn't run?"

"A true swordsman never runs from a fight," Zoro growled. Toma nodded dazedly, leaning on his shoulder.

Luffy's hat shadowed his eyes. "If we hadn't fought Blackbeard, he woulda killed Ace."

"Ace?" Cricket's jaw snapped back up to where it should be. "You mean… Fire Fist Ace? Whitebeard's second division commander?"

"Yeah. He's my big brother. So we couldn't let Blackbeard get away…" Luffy sighed. "Look, Chestnut-Head, I don't wanna be rude, but we're all tired, sore, and Chopper's gotta get a better look at Ghin's arm to make sure it's not gonna get int- inv- make him sick or anything. Now's not a good time to talk."

I flinched at the mention of Ghin's arm. _My fault_. If I'd remembered to take off my weights before the fight… If I'd planned things better… My big brother groaned again. His skin looked waxy.

Nodding his understanding, Cricket winced as he looked our crew over yet again. "You kids're certainly in pretty rough shape. Only to be expected after fighting one of Whitebeard's boys." He whistled and shook his head. "Shit… You fought one of Whitebeard's boys and _survived_. You _won_. Even if it was a mutineer and you had a couple of his boys helping you, that's damn impressive for a bunch of kids."

The blond diver's face softened, the chestnut-shaped growth on his head bobbing gently. "Do you kids need help? I'm not much of a doctor, but you can come to my place, get warmed up and dried off…"

 _Our ship's just down there_. Drifter huffed and waved a sign in the direction of the _Going Merry_. He didn't say anything else, though, looking to Luffy and Chopper as he preened Geier with one paw.

Chopper's ears flicked back and forth. "Everything I need to do anything more for Ghin's arm is on the _Merry_."

Nodding, Luffy looked up at Cricket with a small smile. "Thanks, Chestnut-Head, but no thanks."

"If you don't mind, though," Nami added, "Could you tell us how long it takes a log pose to reset here?"

"Well, that depends where you wanna go," Cricket said thoughtfully. "There's a couple of paths from here. Banaro Island is the quickest reset- only two days- but it's a long journey at sea. There's also Kyuka Island if you're willing to wait a week, and Foolshout Island after two weeks. Or, if you're not in a rush and don't mind backtracking a bit, you'll get the heading for Papanapple Island in about a month."

We were all on our way down to the _Going Merry_ now, with Cricket following us as he carried on the conversation. Usopp squawked and tripped as we walked, catching himself just before he rolled down the slope.

"I thought we were going to the sky island next!"

"We are," Luffy confirmed.

Nami growled at the pair of them, looking like she wanted to hit them over the head. She decided against it, though, her knuckles going white as she gripped her Clima-Tact. "And _how_ do you propose we get there? _The_ Going Merry _can't fly!_ "

If Cricket had been drinking anything at the time, he would've spat it out. "Island. In. The. _Sky?_ I think that Blackbeard boy maybe hit you kids a bit too hard."

" _Obviously_ ," Chopper muttered, tugging at the hem of his jersey. We were at the _Merry_ now; the little reindeer shifted to Walk Point to better jump to the deck, before changing to Brain Point. "Alright, Jones, bring him to me."

"Eh?" I'd been falling into a bit of a daze. Shaking my head, I jumped, using my powers to prevent too much of the force from jostling Ghin. Slightly lessening the force of gravity as I rose allowed me to jump as high as- or even higher than- I would've managed had I not been carrying my unconscious brother. Also made the landing nice and light.

For all I used Newton's name in some of my techniques, I think my Fruit would've given the poor man a conniption.

I followed Chopper to the galley as the rest of our crew climbed or jumped aboard. With Cricket still behind us… What did the old man want, exactly? Was he _that_ fascinated by a bunch of kids managing to take down a deserter from Whitebeard's crew? We _had_ help…

Once Ghin was on the table, Chopper began his examination. I, meanwhile, curled up into a ball in the corner. My muddled daze returned; I could hear and see what was going on around me, but a lot of it didn't register or make sense until later.

Zoro was apparently as confused as I about Cricket's continued presence. Sitting Toma on a bench and propping the boy up against a wall, our bosun shot the diver a flat look. "We've answered your question, Old Man. You can go now."

"I. You. But. _No, you have_ _ **not**_." Cricket shook his head violently. The diver leaned on his walking stick, swaying slightly. He looked like he was ill, or in pain… Probably recovering from a too-deep dive. "All you did is leave me with more questions! Like, who are you kids, that you're connected to the Whitebeard Pirates? That you were able to _beat_ one of them, even with help? Why do you think there's an _island in the sky_? How in _blazes_ do you intend to _get there_ if there _is_?"

Luffy frowned. "I already said- Ace is my big brother. This Blackbeard guy was gonna kill him if we didn't do anything, so we kicked his ass. Ace'n them came to help cause Blackbeard already tried to kill a guy named Thatchy, so _they_ wanted to kick his ass too."

"As for who we are," Usopp put in, striking a pose. Although his shaking legs betrayed a certain level of stress and fear. "We're the Straw Hat Pirates! One of the greatest crews to ever sail the seas! My name is- erk!"

 _Can it_. Drifter jabbed our gunner in the side with a sign. _Coping mechanism or not, now's_ not _the time._

"Sorry…" Deflating, Usopp sat on a bench and began going through his ammo stash, checking if he'd run out of anything. Geier hopped over and perched on his shoulder, running her beak through the gunner's hair.

Nami picked Drifter up and began petting him. The otter began purring involuntarily. "Don't be too hard on him; it's been a rough day for everybody. And we _are_ the Straw Hat Pirates."

Cricket snorted. " _That_ , I could guess from your flag." Sighing, the diver reached up with one hand to rub the chestnut on his head. "Look… You kids're in bad shape, and I'm a curious old treasure hunter who wants answers. Why don't you come by my place; I'll make you something to eat, and you can explain what's going on with the island in the sky and everything."

" _Properly_ ," he added, when Johnny and Yosaku's response to the phrase _island in the sky_ was to point at Nami's log pose, the needle of which was nearly vertical.

Luffy perked up slightly at the mention of something to eat. "Food is good. Eating'll help people heal faster, right? So we should do that."

"Not exactly how that works," Chopper grumbled. He had unwrapped Ghin's arm at this point, and was now busily examining burned, hastily stitched flesh with a magnifying glass. "But it won't hurt."

Sanji, however, was still in a foul mood. Lightning a cigarette, the cook stared flatly at Cricket. "Are you saying I can't feed my crew?"

"Not at all." Cricket shook his head. "Just that you could use a break, and I'm willing to help. Call it nostalgia… I used to be a pirate, and you kids remind me a bit of myself. Not always a good thing, but I'm sure it makes for some interesting stories."

That seemed to calm Sanji slightly. Or maybe it was his cigarette that did that. And Luffy… In hindsight, it was frighteningly easy to see the gears turning in Luffy's head. _Pirate + Food + Stories_ …

"Okay! Lead the way, Chestnut Head!"

"It's _Cricket_ ," the diver grumbled, "Montblanc Cricket." Whatever irritation he had, though, didn't stop him from heading to the bow to spot for us and give directions.

The _Going Merry_ moved slowly, without Ghin in the rigging. Or maybe she was just trying not to rock too much and disturb Chopper's work. Either way, it took nearly an hour to sail around the island to Cricket's house. Sanji gripped the whipstaff with white-knuckled hands the whole way.

Me? I stayed with Chopper, Ghin, and Toma. Occasionally I handed the doctor something from his kit if he asked for it, but for the most part, all I could do was go over ways that things might've gone better. If I'd remembered to take my weights off… If I'd blindfolded people during practice to simulate the Dark-Dark Fruit's ability to produce _darkness_ , instead of worrying so much about the gravity effect. If I'd insisted on more Haki training- although we still may not have had time for anyone to unlock it. If I'd used a different poison, maybe one that hampered the nervous system more… But cyanide was the easiest thing for me to get my hands on.

"Clean wound…" Chopper mumbled. "No bone fragmentation in the stump to worry about. Even the nerves seem pretty intact, aside from being sliced in half. If it'd happened closer to the end of the fight, or if the mines hadn't gone off, I might've been able to save the arm and try to reattach it. Not sure I could've done it alone, though… It's complicated surgery, but I could've tried."

And now I felt even worse. The mines had been my idea too. Curled into a ball, I glanced up at Chopper between my knees. My voice came out quiet and cracking. "Would… If I knew where to get a cyborg prosthetic, and Ghin was willing to use one, would it work?"

"Eh?" Chopper's ears flicked back and forth. "A cyborg pros-? You mean a robot arm? People can actually make those? Cool." Snuffling at Ghin's wound, the little doctor nodded. "Yes… Yes, as long as no infections rise that could damage what's left of the nerves and muscles, that should be a viable option."

Rebinding Ghin's stump as Zoro dropped the anchor, Chopper sighed. "Unfortunately, until then, there's not much I can do _except_ monitor for infection. I've cleaned and sewn up what I can, and hopefully the dressing will protect it. What I'm _more_ worried about is how he'll adjust in the meantime."

Sighing again, Chopper rested one hoof on Ghin's forehead. "I'm a medical doctor, not a psychological one. Physical injuries, I can deal with. But being a pirate with one arm, while doable, is _hard_. I don't know how he'll manage emotionally."

Neither did I… Nor did I know how to help when the time came. But I'd have to try. It was my fault Ghin got hurt… Stifling a whine in the back of my throat, I curled into a tighter ball.

Part of me insisted that everyone would be better off if I'd never come here. But… If I wasn't around, Blackbeard would be, and Ace would die. So that wasn't true… Right?

"Should we stay here?" Toma wondered as the rest of our crew disembarked with Cricket. His voice sounded funny, slurred and singsong.

Thinking for a minute, Chopper shook his head and blew air out his nose, making an almost whistle-like sound. "No… No, as long as we keep his arm elevated, the fresh air and sunlight will do Ghin good. And I need better light… Need to have a look at your eyes."

"What for?" Toma tilted his head to the side- then immediately winced in pain and straightened it up.

"To check if you have a concussion."

Shifting to Heavy Point, Chopper helped Toma to shore, once more leaving me to carry Ghin. As with boarding, I manipulated gravity as I disembarked in order to minimize the amount of jostling my big brother received.

Our entire crew was outside- Cricket's house was too small for a pirate gathering indoors. The diver quickly went in and brought out a table and chairs, so people would have somewhere to sit where dirt wouldn't get in their wounds.

A quiet groan met my ears as I tried to decide the best place to set Ghin down. "S'alright. I can walk. Lost an arm, not a leg."

I went stiff at the sound of Ghin's voice, not having expected him to regain consciousness so soon. Thankfully, my reflex was to hold tighter, rather than drop him. My brother winced at my grip.

"Getting stronger… Not like _Baratie_ anymore, eh?"

Squeaking, wordless, I rushed Ghin to one of Cricket's Adirondack chairs. Once he was settled in- well supported in case he lost consciousness again- I backed away and knelt in seiza. I bowed low, my hands forming a triangle in the dirt to which I pressed my forehead. My voice took a moment to find, and when I did, it was shaky and broken.

"I'm sorry… So, _so_ sorry…"

"Get up." I could hear the wince of pain in Ghin's voice. "Told you already, it could've still happened if we did things differently."

That… Didn't make it okay. _My fault that he got hurt; my fault. Bad Jones._ I did as Ghin said, though, not wanting to upset him. Rising partially, I skidded over to sit on the ground beside his chair, in case he needed help with anything. A lot of our crew mates shot me strange looks for that, but no one said anything.

Nearby, Chopper clucked as he looked at Toma's eyes. "Yep. Concussion. No sleeping tonight; I need to monitor you for the next twenty-four hours to make sure your brain doesn't start bleeding excessively. And no training or anything for at _least_ a week! Preferably longer!" Here, Chopper shot a pointed glare at Zoro. The bosun, for his part, looked mildly offended that anyone would imply he might do something that might harm his new apprentice's brain.

Delicious smells soon filled the air- Cricket cooking something that smelled like chicken on a charcoal grill. Sanji stayed near the diver, keeping an eye on things and occasionally muttering about how he wished the _Merry_ had room for more equipment, like a grill and full-sized fryer.

"So," Cricket hummed as he marinated the poultry with an unknown sauce that smelled pleasantly spicy. "Putting aside for now that fight that destroyed half-"

Nami frowned. The old diver rolled his eyes. "Fine, _a twentieth_ of the island… You kids said you were headed for a sky island? What makes you think there's something up there? And don't just point at your log pose again."

Johnny and Yosaku wilted; Nami immediately leapt to their defense. "But the log _is_ pointing at something up there, so there has to _be_ something. Although I don't think we can get to it…"

"Log poses can be mistaken," Cricket said. Although I'm not sure if he meant it… There was something off about his voice, as if he was testing us.

"Jones _said_ there was something up there," Lisa pointed out. "I know she's not supposed to say what's coming, but if she said something like that, doesn't that make it true?"

Luffy, Sanji, and Cricket all tensed at those words. But while the captain and cook said nothing, the old diver responded with a tense, shaking voice. "You know you can't believe everything people say, right? Just look at the tale of _Liar Noland_."

Sanji frowned, biting down on his cigarette. "What's an old fairy tale got to do with us? Sure, Jones's a manipulative shithead, but she wouldn't lie about something like _this_. Although I have my doubts about whether we should follow her shitty stories anymore."

Luffy placed a hand on the cook's shoulder. "It's gonna be alright. Me'n Jones're gonna talk, figure this out." The rubber boy tugged at his hat with his free hand.

Sanji didn't appear to be paying attention to him, though. Instead, the cook's eye was focused on the chestnut-shaped growth on Cricket's head. "Wait a second… You said your name was _Montblanc_ Cricket? Ain't that a Lvneel name?"

"Indeed." For the first time since we'd met him, it looked like Cricket might smile. "I'm rel- eh?!"

"EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Whatever he was about to say was cut off by twin screams from the beach, coming from a pair of large ships that had dropped anchor on either side of the _Going Merry_. One of those voices was loud enough to shake the bay. The sound of them attracted Ruatha's attention; my baby raised his head with an inquiring chirp, face morphing into a toothy grin as two large, monkey-like men ran up from the shore, brandishing muskets.

"DON'T WORRY CRICKET, WE'LL SA- EH?!"

Masira and Shoujou stormed up towards Cricket's house, only to come to a screeching halt when they saw my crewmates gathered all around. There was a large bruise on Masira's face; Shoujou dropped his gun and clapped his hands over his ears, staring at Ruatha. Cricket looked at the monkey brothers with one eyebrow raised.

"There you are, boys. You're late; I was starting to worry. What happened to Masira's face?"

"He did!" The younger monkey brother pointed at Luffy, hiding behind his brother and staring up at the sky as if he expected to be attacked by a giant bird.

Cricket looked askance at Luffy; my captain shrugged. "He'n his guys shot at us and tried to take stuff we found. So I punched him."

That made Cricket roll his eyes. "Masira… What've I told you about salvaging?"

The monkey man looked sheepish. "That it's finder's keeper's… Possession is nine-tenths of the law…"

"Right." Cricket nodded. "And does the definition of _find_ include waylaying random pirate ships because they got to a promising bit of salvage before you?"

"No…" Masira scuffed at the dirt with one foot. "But… But what if they'd found _proof_? I was just trying to help with your dream!"

Cricket sighed fondly. "And I appreciate it. But that doesn't mean you can steal from others, pirates or not. However long it takes, I'll find answers the _right_ way." Then the old diver looked at Shoujou. "And you, Shoujou? Why do you look like you just woke up in bed with Shiki the Lion?"

"Dragon…" Shoujou muttered, still not removing his hands from his ears. " _Screams_ …"

Ruatha looked quite pleased with himself, grinning smugly as his tail swished back and forth. I didn't have the energy to try and chastise him, especially when I wasn't sure what had happened in the first place.

The monkey brothers stood where they were, frozen. I don't think they were even blinking. It took several minutes for Masira to speak up again in a trembling voice. "Er… Cricket? Why're _they_ here? And where're the _others_?"

"These kids just got through the fight of their life with a deserter from Old Man Whitebeard's crew, apparently." Cricket shrugged and flipped the meat he was cooking. "I offered to help them out a bit while they settle down and figure out what they're doing next." Then he frowned. "What others?"

"Marco the Phoenix, Cat-Eye Haruta, and Namur the Maelstrom," Masira squeaked. Shoujou nodded.

"And some blond guy in a top hat."

Cricket's jaw dropped, his eyes bulging out. "Marco the-? No wonder you kids survived! With him at your back… You're an _interesting_ bunch, definitely."

Luffy smiled. "Thanks! And Pineapple, Huggy, and Namur went back to Pops with Ace, to tell him we dealt with Blackbeard. Sabo couldn't stick around either… His teddy bear came to pick him up."

Both monkey brothers and Cricket were now staring at my captain in amazed confusion. Shoujou finally dropped his hands from his ears as he whispered to Masira- if something that loud can be called a whisper.

"These guys make less and less sense the more they talk and I'm _terrified_."

"Same," Masira gulped. "All I got out of that's that they're somehow related to Whitebeard and someone has a sentient plushie."

Geier fluffed up her feathers and croaked at the brothers; she was accompanied by Drifter holding up a sign. _Just sit down, Hosers. We're not gonna eat you._

Neither Shoujou nor Masira looked confident in that as they lowered themselves to sit on a couple of stones, well away from the main body of our crew. Cricket, meanwhile, had successfully picked his jaw back up and returned to his grill.

I guess his pirate past gave him more experience with crazy things than the brothers had. He _was_ a veteran of Roger's time, albeit one of the younger ones.

For a few minutes, the only sounds were those of the grill- sizzling, crackling, and Cricket humming as he cooked. Robin pulled a book out of her pocket and started reading; Johnny and Yosaku fell asleep, leaning on each other to stay upright. Lisa sat down beside Toma and Chopper, petting the doctor as he measured ingredients for a tea that would help people heal faster. Grunting, Zoro moved off to one side and began performing kata.

Ruatha decided that the best use of his time was guarding me and Ghin. My baby marched around us in circles, hissing and snapping at every insect that came our way.

The slightly awkward quiet didn't last long, though. Loud voices echoed from the road, followed by multiple footsteps. Someone was approaching from Mock Town, and they didn't care who knew they were coming. While I couldn't hear individual words, I _could_ pick out a number of voices, both male and female. Familiar voices, too…

Bellamy soon came into view. Sarquiss was on his right, white coat flaring dramatically. Or fluffily- the fur looked so _soft_. Behind them were the women who'd pulled me from the water, as well as the rest of Bellamy's crew. Couldn't remember any of their names; didn't get enough screen time.

"Hey Old Man!" Bellamy roared, apparently _somehow_ failing to notice that Cricket's house was surrounded by Straw Hat Pirates. "We're here for the gold!"

Cricket turned away from the grill- which Sanji immediately took over- and glared at Bellamy with folded arms. "I've told you assholes before- I'm not giving the gold away. _Any_ of it. I need it for my research."

"And I've told _you_ before," Bellamy got right up in Cricket's face, " _No_ ain't an answer I'm taking. 'Sides… Your _research_ ain't ever gonna amount to anything. Cities can't just sink into the sea!"

Cricket pushed Bellamy out of his personal space, a clear expression of disgust o his face at the Hyena's breath. "I've proof that _something_ used to be there; I just don't know what happened to it, yet. Now _go away_."

Bellamy snarled. "No."

Sighing, Cricket assumed a very unusual fighting position. It had a bunch of obvious openings… Although it looked like it was pretty good for bonking people on the nose. "Last chance, _brat_. Leave."

"Not without the gold." Bellamy snapped one springy fist forward. "And I'll take it by force if I have to!"

 _SMACK!_

Flesh met flesh as Bellamy's hand slammed into- Luffy's palm? My captain looked _livid_ , even as he winced in pain from the movement pulling at his stitches.

"Hey, Stitch Head! The old guy said to go away, so back off!"

One of Bellamy's eyes twitched; he grinned widely, showing far too many teeth. "Watch what you're saying, kid. I'm Bellamy the Hyena, wanted for 55,000,000 beri. Some no-name brat like you couldn't possibly match up."

Behind him, Bellamy's crew was laughing. Sarquiss had taken out his kukri and was flipping it back and forth; this caught Zoro's attention. The bosun paused in his kata to stare at Bellamy's first mate.

"And who're _you_?"

"Big Knife Sarquiss," the white-haired man said lazily, "Worth 38,000,000 beri. Which," here he sniffed, "is probably more than you've ever seen in your life, sword-brat."

Zoro raised an eyebrow at that, glancing at Sarquiss' weapon. "Big Knife, huh? I'm not seeing it. _That's_ not a knife."

"Why you-!" Face turning red, Sarquiss raised his blade and charged at Zoro. His movement was followed by an immediate blur of green.

"Ittoryu: Shishi Sonson!" _SHING! CHK! FWISH!_

Steel flashed against the sky as half of Sarquiss' blade spun up into the air, landing point-first in the dirt with an audible _thud_ as its wielder froze, still holding the handle. Sarquiss' eyes went wide; his skin paled from red to chalk white with a hint of blue.

Zoro held the tanto from Asuka Island in one hand, drawn and sheathed so fast I'd barely been able to follow. " _That's_ a knife."

"Meep!" Sarquiss fell back on his ass. Behind him, the various mooks with no memorable name pales and mumbled incoherently.

Rather than scared, however, Bellamy appeared to become enraged. His face turned red; veins swelled up in his forehead so his increasing blood pressure didn't burst a vessel. "You kids need to learn some manners!"

He pulled back his fist to swing a springy punch at Zoro; this time, Luffy grabbed his arm before it could extend at all. My captain's fist soared up to slam into Bellamy's jaw, sending the Hyena tumbling backwards ass over teakettle.

"OI! LEAVE MY CREW ALONE! AND THE OLD GUY SAID GO AWAY, SO MAKE LIKE A TREE AND GET OUTTA HERE!"

Johnny and Yosaku snickered as Bellamy rolled across the ground. The Hyena came to a halt against a tree, upside down, his irises morphed into spinning spirals. A quiet groan was his only reply to Luffy's words.

One of the women who'd pulled me out of the sea earlier looked like she wanted to say something. A glare from Luffy stopped her. She and the rest of the crew turned on their heels, picking up Bellamy and Sarquiss insensate forms and scurrying out of view like someone lit their butts on fire.

"They were _annoying_ ," Luffy groaned. Turning to look at Cricket, my captain smiled. "Sorry about that. They're gone now, though."

"Ah… Thanks," was Cricket's hesitant, somewhat mystified response. "But… Why?"

"That gold and research and stuff…" Luffy asked, "That's related to your dream, right? The one the monkey man mentioned."

Masira blushed and squirmed at being called a monkey. Cricket nodded, prompting Luffy to smile wider. "Ne, then I can't let some asshole get in the way of your dream. You're my friend!"

"Friend?" Cricket chuckled. "I'm grateful, but… You barely know me."

"So what?" Shrugging, Luffy picked his nose. "I know enough to know you're a good guy. And you're making us food; that means we're friends."

"That's not how that works," Shoujou said, still eying Ruatha like he expected my baby to eat him. Luffy shot him a look of confusion.

"Why not? That's how we got Sanji."

Shoujou and Masira didn't know what to make of that. Cricket, meanwhile, burst out laughing. "Oh, you kids are interesting alright. Fine; if that's how things are, then I guess we're friends."

"Yay!" Luffy bounced off to do a happy dance while waiting for dinner to finish cooking. He wasn't dancing for long, though; when he passed Chopper, the little doctor shoved him into a chair with a growl.

"Calm down! You'll tear your stitches!"

"Mmmm…" A glance over at Robin showed she was no longer immersed in her book. Instead, she was staring at Cricket over the bindings, her eyes calculating. "Gospodin Cricket… You're doing research involving gold… There was mention of a missing city… And as Gospodin Cook seems to have noticed, you share the same surname as the fairy tale character you yourself mentioned, who was killed for lying about a city of gold. This dream… You're not trying to prove your ancestor's innocence by finding that missing city, are you?"

For a moment, Cricket froze. Then, abruptly, he spun on his heel and headed into his house. He returned a few minutes later with a stack of plates and cutlery, busying himself with setting the table. As he did so, the old diver sighed.

"Not… Not exactly." Cricket shook his head. "I don't care one way or another; whether it exists or not, it's all the same to me. But I would like to _know_."

Cricket set a golden statue of a southbird in the middle of the table with a heavy thunk. Everyone was immediately drawn to it; Nami's eyes turned into beri symbols before she caught herself. As did Ruatha's… Oh dear. On top of everything, my baby was starting to develop hoarding instincts.

"I've found a number of artifacts like this," Cricket said, gesturing at the bird, "All in the sea around here. Jaya was the island my ancestor mentioned in all his journals; I could hardly believe it when I found out the island was real, whether or not the _city_ was. So I stopped here… Been looking for answers ever since."

"How long was that?" Usopp wondered. Cricket rubbed his chin.

"Hmmm… About ten years or so, now."

Usopp whistled; he was echoed by Johnny and Yosaku. "That's a long time."

"I suppose it is…" Shaking his head, Cricket smiled wryly. "A lot of experience chasing an impossible dream… But I won't be able to rest until I know the truth."

His smile broadened. "That's why… if you kids wanna look for an island in the sky, I say go for it. There's a big waterspout just south of Jaya that might take you- the Knock-Up Stream. You've got a pretty limited timeframe, though- it'll fire late tonight, but it'll be months before it goes again. And I'm betting you kids don't wanna wait that long, even if it looks like you could use the break."

Luffy shook his head, fidgeting. Chopper's warning gaze kept him from outright bouncing, though. "Nope! I wanna go on an _adventure_."

Nodding, Cricket's expression grew more thoughtful. "Then me and my boys'll have to help you get that little ship of yours ready. Won't do you any good if she breaks apart when she hits the spout or something."

Masira and Shoujou squeaked, not entirely comfortable with this turn of events. I wondered exactly what had happened between them and my crewmates while I was gone- Luffy's explanation hadn't been very detailed. I'd have to ask later.

Nami had reservations as well. The sailing master frowned as everyone sat down to eat, giving her log pose a meaningful tap. "That's great and all- and I don't mean to belittle your offer- but… This is the _Grand Line_. _How_ are we supposed to find _south_? Unless this Knock-Up Stream has its own magnetic field?"

"Nope!" Cricket's answer was almost cheerful as he bit into his dinner. He tapped the golden southbird with his fork while he chewed. "You need one of these; it'll point the way."

Rubber hands prepared to sneak across the table, raiding everyone's plates as they were so often wont to do aboard the _Going Merry_. A solid whack across the knuckles from Chopper's hockey stick prevented Luffy's usual tomfoolery, though. The doctor growled at the captain's flabbergasted look.

"Not _now_ , Luffy. No one has the energy."

"Oh… Sorry…" Luffy dug into his own plate. He still ate like an animal, although he _did_ keep it to himself. "This's really good, Chestnut Head!"

"Heheh… Thanks. And it's _Cricket_."

Nami frowned at the statue sitting in the middle of the table. "I don't get it. How will a statue help? Gold doesn't have any magnetic properties."

"Not the statue," Cricket clarified. "What it _depicts_. It's a southbird; they live in the jungle around here. Always face south, no matter what you do to 'em or where you put 'em. Catch one of these, and you'll be able to find the Knock-Up Stream no problem. They're nasty little buggers, though."

"Okay then." Nami perked up. "After dinner, we'll all go out and track down a southbird."

"Of course, Nami dear!" Sanji's eyes turned to hearts for a brief moment before he reined himself in. I glanced up at the pair of them from where I sat next to Ghin.

"There's insects the size of horses in that jungle…"

Both Nami and Sanji paled; the cook even looked a bit ill. Pushing her food around her plate with her fork, Nami couldn't meet anyone's eyes as she modified her last statement. "Like I said, after dinner, Luffy and Usopp will go out and track down a southbird."

Luffy pouted, swallowing a piece of chicken nearly as large as his head whole. "Aww… That sounds fun. But I can't; me'n Jones have some stuff to figure out."

I flinched at that, sinking lower in my seat. Ruatha crooned as he climbed up onto my shoulders resting his head on top of my hat. I reached up to pet my baby. His weight on my back was a comfort, but it couldn't drown out the growing nausea in the pit of my stomach. I was barely able to touch my food, a fact Ruatha took gleeful advantage of.

Usopp rolled his eyes. "I'm fine going alone. Bugs don't scare me, and I barely got hurt in the fight at all." The gunner hid a wince as he spoke. He may not have received any direct attacks, but his arms were still peppered with their fair share of burns.

"You needn't go alone," Robin offered quietly. "I am also largely uninjured; I would be pleased to accompany you."

Everyone stared at her. In the short time she'd been with us, Robin had _never_ volunteered for something like that. The archaeologist looked away, self-conscious. "Gospodin Cricket's tale interests me. Accompanying Gospodin Sniper into the jungle would give me the opportunity to search for signs of civilizations that may have been lost in the last few centuries. And unlike some, I do _not_ fear any insects."

"Wha-? Um, er," Usopp stammered for a minute. "That's great! We'll be the best bird trackers ever! So don't worry everyone; you can count on us!"

The gunner spent the next few minutes scarfing his meal like Luffy was trying to steal it, a huge smile on his face. Okay, apparently Usopp was looking forward to going bird hunting. Which… I would've been too, had my captain not already claimed me for whatever period of time was to follow. The sinking nausea in my stomach was growing almost painful.

Unlike Usopp, Robin finished her dinner at a normal human pace. This led to the gunner bouncing at her side as he waited; when the archaeologist finally rose, Usopp reached out and grabbed her hand, about to pull her along with him towards the jungle. Robin pulled back quickly.

"Please don't."

"Oh, okay. Sorry…" Even without holding Robin's hand, Usopp's excited skipping forced her to walk quickly to keep up with him as he headed for the trees.

By that point, I'd long since given up trying- or even pretending- to eat, leading to Ruatha stealing everything on my plate. I couldn't look at anyone, couldn't speak. Slowly, silence fell as one by one, everyone finished eating. The final clink of Luffy's fork on his plate made my heart leap into my mouth.

"Jones," my captain said evenly, "We need to talk about some stuff. D'you wanna do it here, or do you wanna go somewhere where it's just us two?"

"Here…" My voice came out as a worried squeak, spikes of cold running down my spine. Admittedly, my choice of location had less to do with being comfortable talking around the rest of the crew and more with the fact that I wasn't sure I could walk very far… I felt like I might faint.

I'd screwed up. Big time.

 **-V-**

"Jyoooooooooooh!"

Usopp jumped at the noise that sounded as he examined a large beetle. Looking around frantically, the gunner could see nothing that might've made the eerie call. His knees shook a little as his stomach made itself at home in his feet. Bugs may not bother him at all, but there were plenty of other things in the jungle. Things he'd forgotten about in his eagerness to explore.

"Robin?" Try as he might, Usopp couldn't completely hide the way his voice shook.

The archaeologist appeared from behind a nearby boulder, a knife held in one hand. There was something green on it, as if she'd been using the blade to scrape moss off the stone. "Is something wrong, Gospodin Sniper?"

"No! Nothing!" Usopp winced as his voice gave an embarrassing squeak. "Just making sure you were alright! I can't protect you if I don't know where you are, after all."

Robin smirked in amusement, which only served to increase Usopp's discomfort. He fidgeted in place under her gaze, rubbing his nose and praying she didn't catch him in his lie. Although it looked like she already had…

"I see. Rest assured, Gospodin Sniper, I can defend myself long enough for you to get to me, should I come under attack." Robin chuckled lightly. "Unless, of course, some beast were to catch me by surprise and swallow me whole."

A spike of cold ran up Usopp's spine; he gulped. "Do- do you think there's anything here big enough to do that?"

Deep blue eyes scanned the tall trees and dense undergrowth. "Possible… I couldn't say for sure. Gospozha Witch _did_ say there were insects the size of horses, though, so it wouldn't surprise me."

Usopp didn't find that reassuring in the slightest. Jumping as a branch cracked somewhere overhead, the gunner abandoned the beetle he'd been examining in favour of looking for the bird that was _supposed_ to be their primary objective. Robin, on the other hand, seemed perfectly happy to keep scraping moss off various rocks. She was even humming a creepy- yet oddly soothing- tune as she did so.

The creepy very quickly overcame the soothing as the slightly jarring, high-pitched notes jangled in Usopp's brain. It was a tune that could drive people mad. Turning to ask Robin to maybe switch to something else, the gunner opened his mouth-

-And instead let out a loud yelp of surprise as something grabbed him from behind and hoisted him into the air.

"IIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Something hard and sharp was digging into his back- although thankfully, it had latched onto more cloth than skin. Usopp twisted in the thing's hold as Robin came bolting around her rocks. Long, wiry antennae flicked over the gunner's face as he managed to turn just enough to see what had grabbed him. A flattened, eyeless head, sharp forcipules that held him tight- although thankfully they hadn't managed to dig into his skin enough to deposit their load of paralyzing venom- and hundreds of clawed, jointed legs that skittered and clicked…

It was a _long_ way to the ground from the centipede's hold.

Robin, for her part, froze as soon as she came into full view of the giant arthropod. Her amused smirk was still pulling at the corners of her mouth, even as she appeared stunned.

"My apologies, Gospodin Sniper. It would seem that Gospozha Witch meant that the insects were as big as _houses_ , not _horses_."

"Gah! Not funny!" Squirming and flailing in the hopes that it would get the centipede to drop him, Usopp managed to retrieve his slingshot and a few rounds of ammo from his duffel bag. "Usopp Rubber Band of Doom! Triple Exploding Star!"

Rubber snapped and pinged, bouncing off the centipede's head. The arthropod, having no real eyes, was unaffected. It _did_ , however, notice the three gunpowder-filled rounds that exploded between its antennae a second later. Dropping Usopp, the centipede reared back even higher as it flailed in pain.

"KR-KRRICK!"

Usopp landed in a roll. Segmented legs skittered around him as the centipede came back down, its antennae sweeping back and forth as it searched for its escaped prey. The massive body nearly crushed Usopp as he scrambled to his feet, darting away from those clawed legs so quickly he nearly set himself rolling again.

"Once Fleur Slam!"

Eleven hands sprang up under the centipede's head as it tried to chase after Usopp, knocking it back again. Robin dispelled them almost immediately as the arthropod changed tactics to go after the immobile limbs. There was an echoing _crash_ as the centipede slammed mandibles first into the ground. Skittering with anger, it panned around with its antennae and lunged at Usopp once more.

"Ah! Blasting Cactus Star! Crackling Star!"

"Seis Fleur Slap!"

Jumping out of the way, Usopp let fly. A steel ball that exploded into myriad needles made contact with the centipede's underside as six hands slammed into one of its body segments. Chitin cracked; tiny pieces of steel were left embedded in the joints between body and legs. A follow up bullet of mesh and glass sent an electrical charge surging through the giant arthropod, making it stiffen and curl as Robin's hands vanished once more.

A strong, smoky smell filled the air.

The centipede lunged again, although noticeably slow and uncertain. Its legs twitched oddly; not all of them were fully under its control anymore. Usopp ducked as the forcipules tried to grab his head, groping for more ammo. Just above him, the centipede grabbed a tree, pinching into the wood so hard that the trunk split in half. Splinters showered down on the Straw Hat gunner's head.

His shaking hands couldn't find any more ammunition, though. Usopp's supplies had been too depleted by the fight with Blackbeard; he hadn't had enough time to make more yet. So he was forced to drop his slingshot and take hold of a similarly sized, but much heavier, wooden handle. He swung the weapon with all his might at two of the centipede's nearest legs.

"USOPP HAMMER!"

 _CRNCH!_

Chitin smashed under the blow, leaving the gooey bits inside flat and unsupported. The centipede reared back in pain, its remaining legs flailing. Antennae waved in the air. Deciding that Usopp was more trouble than he was worth, the giant arthropod skittered away, listing noticeably to one side.

Shaking, the Straw Hat gunner retrieved his slingshot and tucked both it and his hammer back into his bag. He couldn't take his eyes off the trail of destruction left in the undergrowth by the centipede's retreat. That… Was _by far_ the biggest bug he'd ever seen. Usopp wasn't _usually_ afraid of bugs, but he made an exception when _they were large enough to eat him alive!_ That centipede was the size of the _Going Merry!_

"Indeed," Robin observed coolly, "A magnificent specimen."

Usopp clapped his hands over his mouth. "Did I say that out loud?"

Robin's amused smirk returned. "Yes. But you needn't fear; I don't intend to tell anyone."

Letting out a sigh of relief, Usopp allowed himself to relax- only to immediately stiffen again as Robin chuckled. "Unless it would amuse me to do so."

"Grk!" Spinning to face the archaeologist fully, Usopp flailed, unable to properly put his thoughts into words. Fear and embarrassment warred in his chest, with annoyance at Jones for understating the _size_ of the bugs in this jungle whistling in the background.

The only response Robin gave was to raise a single eyebrow. "Hmmm? But won't Gospodin Doctor need to look at your back? The centipede _did_ manage to grab you, no?"

Sighing, Usopp deflated. It was true… Even if he tried to hide it, Chopper would smell the fresh blood on him. The story would get out eventually.

Robin chuckled again. "You needn't fear, I believe; the others won't think less of you for the way you conducted yourself. After all… Gospodin Cook and Gospozha Navigator looked positively _ill_ at the mere mention of insects that size. They may have done more than _scream_ when it grabbed them."

"I didn't scream!" Usopp replied indignantly, "I yelped! It was a very manly yelp!"

"Whatever you say." Robin looked like she was considering patting him on the head, but decided against it at the last minute. Usopp… Wasn't sure whether to be disappointed or not. On the one hand, her doing so would've been annoying and condescending- he didn't actually _want_ head pats. But on the other… It would've been good if Robin got comfortable enough to do that, even if it _was_ annoying. Right?

"Jyoooooooooh!"

A second iteration of the eerie call from earlier sent shivers down the gunner's spine. Shaking his head, Usopp got back to searching for the bird. It would've been so much easier if he knew what colour it was supposed to be- he always noticed colours and movement before shapes.

"Here Birdie, Birdie, Birdie!"

Quickly wrapping a strip of cloth around his torso to bind the scrapes on his back, Usopp whistled a vague approximation of a bird call. No response. Which made sense, since he had no idea what this bird was supposed to sound like either. Sighing, the gunner rubbed his hands together and picked a nearby tree. He'd just have to search for the birds on their own level.

With a multitude of low, thick branches adorned in craggy bark, the tree didn't take long to climb. Being up there immediately put Usopp at ease. He's always liked heights. So much easier to see everything; so much harder for people to sneak up on him. Any tree was good, although it was the one outside Kaya's window that was his favourite. Always felt like _home_ , somehow. Although the crow's nest of the _Going Merry_ was a close second.

Robin remained on the ground. The archaeologist had a notebook out; she was sketching something with painstaking detail. A frown of concentration creased her face as she made unblinking eye contact with one of the rocks she'd scraped clean. She must've found something important.

…

There was something _big_ approaching her slowly from behind as she sketched. Nearly silent, but its blue and white body still disturbed the undergrowth enough for the gunner's keen eyes to pick out. Usopp yelped and grabbed a vine, swinging down to land beside Robin as he groped for his hammer. "Look out! It's a-!"

"Seis Fle-!" Robin stood and spun, faster than Usopp would've expected from someone so deeply engaged in what they were doing. She froze mid motion, the name of her attack dying on her lips. A sweatdrop ran down the back of her head.

"Gospodin Sniper… It's just a snail."

"I… Yeah…" Usopp rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, putting his hammer away. "Sorry… I couldn't see what it was with all the ferns in the way."

The enormous snail paused in its movements, bewildered. Large eyes blinked at the pirates; they blinked right back. It was the largest snail Usopp had seen in his life, easily the size of a refrigerator. And totally harmless; when it eventually decided that the humans it had found posed no threat, the gastropod turned its head and began munching slowly on the glossy leaves of a nearby shrub.

A small smile crossed Robin's face- a true smile, rather than one of her amused smirks. The archaeologist reached out and patted the snail on its shiny shell. "Thank you for your concern, but I don't think it means any harm."

"Ah… No." Usopp also reached out to pat the snail. Its shell was very solid, heavy… Then again, it was a _very_ large animal. A thought suddenly occurred; Usopp snapped his fingers.

"Hey! Jones's tryna get her snails to breed so she can make that Internet thingy she told Chopper about; think this guy'd be useful if we brought him back?"

"A snail is not a _guy_ ," Robin shot Usopp a flat look. "All snails are hermaphroditic. And I'm afraid I don't know. I'm an archaeologist, not a biologist; while I have _some_ general zoological knowledge, I wouldn't be able to identify this snail's species, or tell you how closely it might be related to a den-den mushi."

"Oh… Sorry…" Usopp drooped. On the other side of the snail, Robin waved him off.

"It's fine, Gospodin Sniper."

Leaving Robin to her snail and sketching, Usopp climbed another nearby tree to see if he could find any birds. He… Couldn't do it quietly, though. Any time he wasn't talking, all he could hear was the eerie "Jyooooooooh! Jyooooooooooh!" cry as it grew gradually more frequent. Desperate to drown it out, the gunner blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

"So… Uh… Why aren't you afraid of bugs? Not that there's anything wrong with it!" Usopp tacked on hurriedly, nearly losing his grip on a branch as he clambered from one tree to its neighbour. "Just, um, most girls seem to be _really_ scared of them. Kaya always flipped out, and Nami… Well, you saw the look on _her_ face. And Mom always threw a _fit_ if she found any bugs in the house."

"You shouldn't generalize from a sample of only three." Robin was sitting on the snail now, using it as a bench as she continued to sketch. The archaeologist sighed; a misty look came into her eyes. "Being afraid of a few insects would be very counter-productive in my profession. After all… You never know what sort of creepy-crawlies you'll unearth when opening a forgotten tomb or overturning a broken piece of pottery."

She hesitated, her breath hitching for a moment. No tears fell, but Usopp got the feeling that Robin only managed to control that because she still wasn't quite comfortable in his presence. "I… Never got to do much fieldwork myself, of course. I was too young. But the others used to tell stories."

"About?" Usopp sat on a branch, swinging his legs back and forth nervously. This was good… But also scary. Robin was opening up to _him_ , telling him something she probably hadn't told anyone for a very long time. Jones and Luffy could get her to _laugh_ , but no one else had managed to get her to talk about herself yet.

He wasn't entirely sure what to do with it.

"Well… Apparently one time, Professor Clover opened an old burial chamber where he was expecting to find an artifact of the ancient Arklos religion, only to fall face-first into a pit full of snakes." Robin was smiling; she closed her eyes, so Usopp could no longer tell whether she was close to crying. "They were asps- very dangerous. But his hair made them think he was a fallen tree, so they completely ignored him until Hocha was able to chase them away with a torch."

Usopp wasn't sure whether he was meant to laugh at that or not. The idea of someone falling into a nest of venomous snakes was _terrifying_ to him- but from the way she was smiling, this story seemed to be one of Robin's happiest memories. Although… Maybe that was because of the people involved, rather than the subject matter.

Or maybe her people actually _did_ find life-threatening situations amusing. In which case she, Luffy, Zoro, and Jones should get on very well, in Usopp's opinion.

Humming thoughtfully, Usopp tried to think of a story to offer in exchange. "I… Found a yak's skull with Carrot, Pepper, and Onion once. We couldn't figure out where it came from; there weren't any yaks on the Gecko Islands."

Robin looked up at him, a puzzled expression on her face. Usopp shrugged. He hadn't known why he shared that either; it just felt like he should _say_ something, after Robin told him about the archaeologists on her home island.

"JYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"

This time, the eerie call sounded right beside Usopp's head. He nearly fell off the branch he was sitting on, sliding back so he was hanging upside down by his knees. A quick look around pinpointed the source of the noise- a large, purple and green bird with a bright yellow crest on its head in a familiar, distinctive shape. Beady eyes glared at Usopp; the bird wasn't happy.

The gunner, meanwhile, _was_. Even if his ears _were_ ringing something fierce, and his _everything_ ached from sliding over like he had.

"Robin! I found one!"

"More like it found you." The archaeologist put her notebook in her pocket and crossed her arms. "Trienta Fleur Grab!"

Thirty arms bloomed from nearby surfaces. The bird squawked and panicked, spreading its wings wide to take off- but the forest of arms meant it was unable to do so. Half a dozen hands grabbed onto the bird's wings, beak, and body, holding it still until Usopp could right himself and climb up to get it.

The gunner bound the bird with sturdy twine, preventing it from biting or escaping. When the bird tried to rake him with its claws, Usopp bound those too. Robin's arms disappeared in a flurry of petals when he finished. Hanging the southbird over his shoulder with an extra loop of twine, Usopp climbed back down to the forest floor.

"Are… Are you done with what you were drawing?" he asked Robin hesitantly, "Or do you wanna stay a few more minutes?"

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. "As much as I could spend weeks searching through this jungle, we should probably head back. Tovarisch Captain may get impatient and leave without us if we take too long, even without a bird to guide him." Robin patted the pocket she kept her notebook in. "I've found enough to keep me occupied for now; that will have to do."

"Okay, if you're sure…" Usopp hesitated before heading back towards Cricket's house. Robin shook her head and started out in that direction with long strides, forcing him to run to keep up.

"Of course I'm sure, Gospodin Sniper. What I've found here is interesting, but not my primary area of expertise. It will amuse me, and may prove of interest to Gospodin Cricket, but it's hardly worth delaying the voyage over."

Shrugging, Usopp raced to keep up. Robin walked _fast_. Muted protests came from the southbird, which bounced against his back as he trotted along. Even though he wasn't looking at it, Usopp could feel those beady eyes boring into the back of his head.

A faint splashing noise sounded high above as the pirates headed back towards their crew. It was soon followed by heavy drops, as rain poured down from the darkening sky. It seemed light at first, with the jungle canopy catching most of the water. As the rain picked up, though, more and larger drops broke through, until walking under the trees was just as drenching as standing out in the open.

At least it was warm, though.

Usopp's hair was plastered to his skin within minutes, and Robin was no better off despite her cowboy hat. Even warm, this was uncomfortable. Looking around, Usopp wondered if there was anything he could use to stay dry.

Ah. There.

Plucking a few large, long-stemmed leaves off a strange plant, the Straw Hat gunner bound them together so the stems made a nice handle. Then he stuck the edges of the leaves together with a few quick knots of twine and reinforced the veins in the leaves. Grinning, Usopp scrambled forward to trot beside Robin, holding his makeshift umbrella over both their heads.

At first, the archaeologist shot him a bewildered look. Then, slowly, that changed to a small smile. Wiping her sopping hair away from her eyes, Robin slowed her gait so Usopp no longer had to run to keep up. She also paused for a moment, plucking some sort of flower from a climbing vine and tucking it behind one ear; the stem helped keep her hair away from her face. The archaeologist even started humming again, that same soothing, yet jarringly creepy tune from earlier.

Except this time, Usopp didn't find it so creepy.

 **-V-**

Luffy sighed when he realized I was shaking, although I don't think he knew how close to passing out I was. My captain took his hat off and played with it as he stared at me, dark brown eyes catching mine, making it impossible for me to look away. A small part of my brain wondered if his ability to do that was related to his latent Haoshoku Haki, or if it was just something special about Luffy.

Spikes of cold shot up and down my spine. Invisible arms wrapped around me from behind, holding me tight.

"Jones…" Luffy's voice was quiet and strained, "You shouldn't have sprung the whole poison pie thing on Sanji. You _know_ how he feels about food. I know you know lots and you wanna help, but that was going _way_ too far. You can't _do_ things like that."

"Sorry…" Pulling Ruatha off my shoulders, I wrapped myself around my dragon in a hug. He squawked in discomfort, but didn't try to escape. My breath came in rapid pants; my heartbeat felt like it was coming from my mouth.

The arms squeezed tighter, trying to calm me down.

Sighing, Luffy flipped his hat around before putting it back on his head. "We don't need you to be sorry- you do that more'n enough already. We need to know you won't do it again. You _can't_ push your friends into stuff that'd con- cop- make 'em go against what they believe. S'not right."

I felt like I was choking. Burying my face in Ruatha's wings, I gagged my way through several false starts before I managed to get any words out. "I- I- I- kn-know. Tried to do it m-myself, but couldn't… Didn't _want_ Sanji to have to…"

"And that's why you need to _talk to us_." Luffy frowned. He fiddled with his hands, not quite sure what to do with them. "You're smart, and you know a lot, but you _can't_ do everything yourself. Like… I can't use a sword, or navigate, or cook, or even lie very well. So I need Zoro and Nami and Sanji and Usopp because they _can_. No one can live without being helped."

My captain's face scrunched adorably as he made his point- although I wouldn't be able to appreciate it until later. "So you _need_ to talk to us, so nothing like that happens again."

Sanji nodded, smoke spiralling off of him like a chimney. "Friends don't make friends go against their principles. Shit, Jones, you _know_ us. You _knew_ even if you did it yourself, I'd be pissed. _Poisoning food_ goes against _everything_ I stand for, shithead."

Nami gasped a little at his words, a look of realization crossing her face. Although I wasn't sure _what_ she was realizing. Too busy being scared.

I flinched and hugged Ruatha tighter, nodding. "I- I knew… Knew you'd be mad at me no matter what. But Teach h-had to die."

"And you didn't think we could take that shithead head on?" Sanji's eyes blazed. "You didn't think _training_ and _mines_ and _numbers_ would be enough?"

 _If you were that upset, why didn't you say no?_ I wanted to ask, but I couldn't get the words out. And… I had an idea of what the answer might be. Because I'd cried… Gender identity issues aside, as far as Sanji was concerned, I was _female_. And he was weak to female tears.

All I could do was hug my dragon tighter, wishing I could just disappear into Ruatha's scales. And then Zoro spoke up as well.

"You're always doing things like that. Even back at Cocoyashi Village… You ran off and gassed those marines who were gonna take Nami's stuff." Zoro folded his arms and stared at me. His eyes were dark, accusing. The _No real warrior would stoop to poisoning their enemies from hiding_ went unspoken, but was still loud and clear.

"I- I needed to…" Shrinking in on myself, I wished I could just disappear into the ground. "Couldn't- couldn't take on a whole company myself. Not sure I could _n-now_." Not that I'd _needed_ to attack them in the first place, but I couldn't bring myself to mention that bit.

"Then why not ask one of us to come help?" Zoro's voice had a hint of a growl in it, although I don't think he meant it to. "You _know_ we would've- you're one of us. And barring that, _you know_ the Shit Cook _always_ helps girls."

"Couldn't. Nami needed more…"

Which… No one could argue with. My assault on Nezumi's marines hadn't really been needed at _all_. Change for the sake of change… A cheap tactic by my writer, even if it was in character for me. I couldn't say anything more, though- my throat felt like it was closing up. And no one else seemed to know what to say next either. Until…

" _She_ knows… But _we_ don't."

Nami's voice was quiet, but everyone still heard. As one, nearly the entire crew turned to look at the sailing master. She took a deep breath, biting her lip, a small frown creasing her face.

"I'm not saying Jones gets a free pass or anything- she _needs_ to talk to us about her plans- but… We're not blameless either. She knows us so well from her stories… But how well do we know her? Do we know _why_ she doesn't share her plans until the last minute?" Nami stared at a place slightly to my left, unable to meet my gaze when I forced myself to look up. "We've… Taken for granted how well she knows us, how well she seems to fit in, but… Have any of us made an effort to get to know _her?_ "

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other. "I always thought Big Sis didn't say anything cause of the _No Spoilers_ rule."

"Me too…"

"Part of it…" I mumbled into Ruatha's wings. My baby crooned and began grooming my ponytail.

"Monah… Nii kul. Los hi kul."

Luffy cocked his head to the side, confused. "Whaddya mean? We know Jones. She's smart, comes from another world, and was _really_ lonely before we met her. And she likes animals lots!"

"Claims not to have a favourite food, but goes gaga for anything maple," Sanji put in. "And likes meat almost as much as the shitty captain."

"She doesn't like girly things," Lisa added, "Because she's part guy too. Or something like that… I don't really understand fully…"

"Trains a lot, but also keeps resorting to complicated, underhanded tactics," was Zoro's offering. Nami snapped her fingers at that and was about to respond when Ghin interrupted.

"She's from a world where people are _weaker_ , Moss-Brain," my big brother ground out with a wince, "Where she was considered a _freak_ for doing things that're _normal_ \- a bit below it, even- to us."

Everyone went from staring at Nami to staring at Ghin. He shrugged, flinching as the movement pulled at his stump. "What? Back at Cocoyashi Village, Jones and I _talked_ during the party. I still don't _like_ the poison and stuff- reminds me of Don Krieg- but it _makes sense_. She does that 'cause she's used to a world where people aren't as strong- where they probably _have_ to fight underhanded a lot of the time."

I cringed involuntarily at Ghin's voice. He shouldn't have been defending me, not after what I'd done. A heavy hand rested on my head; my wounded brother continued speaking. "She also said she was used to being alone…"

Nami nodded. "That's what I just realized too. Jones _needs_ to talk to us about her plans… But she doesn't know _how_. She's _still_ not used to having people she can rely on, any more than I was before…" Here, the sailing master wiped away a single tear, "Before Luffy took down Arlong. And… We haven't really been helping her _get_ used to it, have we?"

"Eh?" Luffy, Chopper, and Toma all tilted their heads in simultaneous confusion- although Zoro's apprentice quickly righted his with a wince of pain. Half a second later, Drifter and Geier facepalmed. Or, rather, face-pawed and face-winged.

"I don't get it," Luffy said after a moment. "Jones _knows_ she's one of us, right? That she belongs here. So why _wouldn't_ she be able to rely on us?"

"Because years of loneliness and being pushed aside take a toll," Cricket said quietly. Up until now, he, Masira, and Shoujou had been silent, just watching to see what our crew would do. Now, the diver stood and looked from me to Luffy, arms folded.

"Someone who's used to being ignored and only worrying about themselves… It can take a lot of practice to open up. To stop viewing others with suspicion. To realize you don't have to do everything yourself." Cricket glanced at Masira and Shoujou with a small smile. "It's important to learn, because the alternative… can drive you mad. But it's not something they can learn alone, just by being told they need to."

" _Oooooh…_ " Nodding slowly at Cricket's words, Luffy rubbed his temples. "So… What do we do? Jones _needs_ to talk to us so this never happens again… How do we help her see she _can?_ " He sounded _hurt_ , which only made me feel worse. "Why doesn't Jones trust us yet?"

I… didn't really appreciate being talked about as if I wasn't there. But at the same time… I had nothing to say. Not really. Or at least, nothing I could put into words properly, and my throat felt too tight to talk. The best I could manage was a whimpered groan after Luffy's question. That noise drew Luffy's attention to me, bringing with it a confused, almost pained stare.

"Being a captain is _hard_ ," he mumbled. "Shanks never told me about stuff like _this_."

No one was able to offer any easy answers- if we were, it likely never would have come to this point. A quiet rumble echoed in the awkward silence; warm rain began to pour. I shivered. Even though the rain was warm, I felt chilled to the bone.

I'm not sure how long we sat there in sopping silence. Half an hour, maybe? Eventually, the sound of footsteps squelching through mud drew my attention. Glancing up through my soaked bangs, I saw Robin and Usopp approaching from the direction of the jungle. The sniper held an umbrella made of crudely joined leaves, keeping the pair more or less dry.

Muffled noises came from Usopp's back. A southbird hung over his shoulder by a piece of twine, still facing resolutely south even as it swung back and forth… upside-down. Its beak, talons, and wings were all bound tightly to keep it from attacking. The best it could do was glare at Usopp's waist, occasionally swinging its body back and forth to thud against his ribs.

"Hey guys!" Usopp waved with his free hand. "We're back! It was tough, but we've got the bird! What's next?"

Luffy's eyes flicked up towards our gunner. "Not sure yet… Still tryna sort this stuff out about Jones… It's hard…" The captain sighed heavily. "We all need to talk more with each other- about _everything_. But I don't know how to make that happen. Except…"

Letting out a strangled little moan, Luffy clutched at the brim of his hat. "I don't like it, but I think… I think we need to get rid of the _no spoilers_ rule. For important stuff, at least."

"What?" Zoro inhaled sharply, eyes widening. "But when she joined, you said-!"

"I know!" Luffy pulled his hat down around his head as if he were trying to disappear into it. His face was bright red. "But it's not helping! Sanji's angry with Jones and Jones is scared and my head's hurting because of all this, so if not being able to talk about it before things happen is making all this happen, or making it worse, then it needs to stop!"

Everyone stared at Luffy in silence- there was even a brief lull in the rain.

Nami was the first to find her voice. The sailing master tugged at a lock of her hair, fidgeting slightly. "That's… a start, I think. Not sure it'll solve the problem, but…"

"I know!" Luffy groaned and collapsed forward, slamming his face forward into the table. "But it's the best I can do right now. Thinking is hard! And this's gonna take a while anyway. A start's better'n nothing, right?"

One by one, everyone nodded. Even Ruatha. Then Luffy raised his head and gave me a pointed look, prompting everyone else to do the same. No one said anything, but there were still words ringing in my head. _Does this help? Can you talk better if you're not afraid of us getting angry about spoilers?_

Hugging Ruatha tight, I nodded, still unable to break eye contact with Luffy. No matter how much I wanted to. And… I couldn't really speak at the moment. A lump of _something_ clogged my throat, stuck my jaws together. My dragon let out a squawk as I squeezed him maybe a little too hard.

"TAAK!"

"Sorry…" I released Ruatha; he scampered away, preening his wings that had been mussed by my hugging. Curling into a ball, I hugged my knees instead. "I'll... I'll try. I'm… I'm sorry… So sorry…"

"Don't be sorry." Luffy stood up, sighing, and walked around the table towards me. "It's not good… But we can fix it. Together."

Wiry rubber arms wrapped around me in several loops, hugging me tight. It was uncomfortable- even painful. I squirmed, but Luffy didn't let go. The captain cleared his throat, shooting pointed looks at the rest of our crew.

Chopper fidgeted, looking like he wanted to say something- but instead sighed and trotted over and hugged tight to our legs. Lisa and Toma followed. They brought Drifter and Geier with them, grabbing the grumpy otter and his partner before they could protest and squishing them slightly as they joined the hug. Warm fur and feathers squashed between shaking arms.

"Schraaooooo…" Geier protested the indignity loudly, but was notably careful not to hurt anyone with her beak and claws. Drifter just grumbled and shook his head.

Ghin moves stiffly, wincing in pain. His arm draped around my shoulder as he turned. Johnny and Yosaku joined right after, doing their best not to touch the rigger's stump. Ghin held it gingerly to his side, twisting slightly so it required less effort to keep the severed limb clear of the group.

Nami and Usopp joined at the same time as Ruatha climbed up to perch on my head. At that point things were starting to be uncomfortable- so many bodies all jammed together, soaking and warm. And Ruatha's weight on my head- I was used to it on my shoulders, but not my skull- made my neck ache and pressed my hat into my eyes. I couldn't say anything, though. Both because I was shaking, _needing_ the hug, and because the tangle of arms, feathers, and fur made it difficult to breathe, let alone speak.

Zoro and Sanji were more hesitant. The cook especially. Stomping out his cigarette, Sanji frowned. "A group hug? Really? How's a shitty group hug s'posed to help anything?"

"It just _does_ ," was Luffy's answer. Chopper spoke up simultaneously, voice muffled from being hidden within the knot of people.

"Hugs make your body release chemicals that relax you, relieve pain, and stabilize mood. Or at least, that's what Doctorine said- I never had the opportunity to test it." Chopper's ears perked up. "Could I-?"

"Not right now," Nami chided. Chopper nodded in understanding, ears returning to a neutral position.

Sanji didn't look convinced, and he, Zoro, and Robin were still hanging back. Luffy raised his head, spinning it like an owl to look at them. "Come on guys. _Hug_. Captain's orders."

I'm willing to bet that was one of the weirdest orders ever given by a pirate captain. Although… This was the world of _One Piece_ , so I could be wrong. Grunting and rolling his eyes, Zoro stepped in and gave everyone a rough, firm squeeze. Sanji was more hesitant- and even when he _did_ join in, made sure he was mostly hugging Nami. The sailing master rolled her eyes.

Robin was still hanging back. Luffy twisted to look at her, opening his mouth to repeat his order. But before he could do so…

"YEOW!"

A near-simultaneous shout went up from the majority of the crew. Releasing the hug, everyone staggered apart, hands instinctively going to whichever Blackbeard-related injury had just been aggravated. Luffy's chest bled slightly, one of the stitches pulled; Toma looked like he was about to vomit. Zoro stepped away with a pronounced limp, while Ghin fell back on his ass with a heavy thud, skin going pale.

Even the least injured of the group- Usopp, Lisa, and Nami- were nursing various burns, bruises, and scrapes. The gunner rubbed his nose, glancing around nervously. "Is… Should we really be heading to another island so soon? With everyone hurt like this? What if we get in another big fight? We _always_ get in another big fight!"

"But… _Island in the sky_ ," Luffy whined.

Nami rested a hand on my shoulder. "Jones, threat assessment."

The demand took me totally by surprise, delivered so soon after Luffy's frustrated repeal of the _no spoilers_ rule. I blinked, stunned, taking several minutes to find my voice. When I _did_ speak, it came out squeaking like a rusty water pump.

"The geyser we have to use spurts five times a month, but strength varies greatly. Tonight's will be strong enough to get us to Skypiea; I don't know how long it'll be 'til another one that is. Could be a week, could be a year." I reached up and played with Ruatha's tail; my dragon inched down off my head to settle properly on my shoulders.

"Luffy's immune to most of the main asshole's lightning powers, but almost everybody up there uses Kenbunshoku Haki- they call it Mantra." My captain looked a bit disappointed by that, but at the same time, both he and Zoro looked eager to test themselves against Haki users. And maybe to learn more about Haki in the process.

"There's lots of giant animals- snakes, birds, bugs, dogs. And a lot of plants I don't know the properties of." Chopper bounced excitedly at the chance to find and study potential sources of new medicines. Drifter and Geier nodded, the otter grinning.

"Other assholes working with the lightning bastard, of course, but aside from Mantra, they're not a huge threat. Explosives, swordsmen… Business as usual. That said, we'll _technically_ be dropping into the middle of a civil war."

Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku squeaked at that. Lisa smiled. "We've broken those up before, though. It'll be fine."

I nodded at her words. "We'll have to, most likely. Which… Negotiations and trade and stuff will be easier if we bring some dirt- it's in short supply up there. Very valuable. Can probably use it when bargaining for peace, and _definitely_ for getting Dials."

Everyone looked at me oddly. I shrugged and stared at the ground. "Those weird shells I told you to pick up from the St. Briss. They're gadgetry things- there are people up there who could explain better than I can. Just trust me, they can do cool stuff."

The three tinkerers who'd moments before been so worried about the civil war suddenly looked eager. Nami seemed interested as well, one hand going to her Clima-Tact.

"And, of course…" I forced a smile, "There's plenty of _treasure_ up there, of the monetary variety." Even with the spoiler rule eliminated, I didn't want to give Cricket the answers. Not until someone could ring the golden bell.

Nami and Ruatha both let out little noises of anticipation. Their eyes turned into beri symbols and began to glow gold. I rapped my dragon on the snout; Ruatha shook his head, eyes going back to normal. My baby hung his head. "Zokrosis…"

"Sorry Bud… Better get those instincts under control early. Don't want you ending up like Smaug."

"Zu'u ni mindok wo daar los." Ruatha rested his chin on my head with a whine.

But while I could discipline my baby, I couldn't do the same to Nami. The sailing master's eyes shone even brighter. "How _much_ treasure, Jones?"

That… was a hard question to answer. I didn't know the price of gold in _One Piece_ , nor the exact measurements of the golden pillar to calculate the mass of gold- assuming we could even find a way to _carry_ it. But still… Knowing what they'd picked up in canon…

"300 million beri _minimum_. Maybe more, if we can wrangle it." And actually… Gravity powers might be very useful there. I might be able to make the pillar light enough…

Nami looked like she might be about to faint. She also, apparently, saw the calculations I was trying to run as I frowned. "Jones, if you can pull whatever I think you're thinking about, how rich will we be?"

"Umm… About…" Okay, rough calculation. Assume diameter of three meters, so radius of one-and-a-half… Length of ten… Mass of gold per cubic meter was roughly nineteen tonnes, if I was remembering highs school chemistry correctly…

V=πr2h

V=π(1.5)(1.5)10

V=70.69 cubic meters

M=(70.69)(19)

M=1,343.11 tonnes

I had no idea what that was worth, but it was… A _lot_ of gold. Not that my calculations were necessarily accurate, but as a rough estimate… "A few hundred _billion_ beri. I think. _Very_ rough calculation- I don't actually have any measurements, so it's all based on guesswork."

Cricket, Masira and Shoujou were just all staring at us at this point. The salvagers' jaws had hit the ground, their eyes bulging out painfully as their faces went pale. I could feel their brains break.

Biting her lip, Nami looked like she was about to melt. "Jones… if you can figure out a way for us to get even a _quarter_ of that, I'll love you forever."

The invisible arms that followed me everywhere hugged me tight again. It felt different this time, though. Off to one side, Toma squeaked and went pale. "Don't say things like that…" The boy whispered, "It- he?- doesn't like it…"

Nami didn't seem to hear, lost in daydreams about upcoming wealth. And… Was that a little bit of drool? Okay, time to snap her out of it.

"If we don't modify the _Merry_ to be able to handle the Knock Up Stream, we won't be able to get _any_ treasure. And we'll be stuck going to an island where I _can't_ give a threat assessment."

That sent a jolt of _something_ running down the sailing master's spine. She snapped her Clima-Tact together and jabbed the nearest person- Johnny- with the butt of the staff. "What're we waiting for? Let's get moving!"

Our entire crew rose- even Ghin and Toma, despite flails of protest from Chopper. The rigger rested his remaining hand on the doctor's muzzle, preventing him from saying anything. "We won't strain ourselves, but this is _our home_. You can't leave us out." Ghin growled, breathing heavily, "I'll just… Hand people nails or something."

"Fine…" Chopper's ears laid flat. "But if either of you starts feeling the slightest bit worse, I want you to just sit down and watch. Okay? Promise?"

I don't think Ghin could've protested if he wanted to. As we walked down to the beach, he and Toma were struggling noticeably. Both could barely go in a straight line; while Toma showed only the slightest hesitation before leaning on Zoro, though, Ghin was determined to do it on his own. He actually _growled_ at me when I moved closer to offer him support.

It made me flinch.

I… Lagged behind a bit, after that. Didn't want to make people angry… And… Hurt. Understandable that Ghin wouldn't want my help- was my fault he got injured- but still… I just wanted…

A warm hand rested on my shoulder, drawing me from my thoughts. I turned in surprise to see Robin standing just behind me. A faint smile played across her face.

"They're trying to improve things, Gospozha Witch. That's a rare quality." Robin removed her hand quickly. "Just give it time."

"Yeah…" Time, and effort. It'd be hard, but… We'd be better eventually. All of us. Right?

Cricket, Masira, and Shoujou followed our crew down to the beach, faces masks of disbelief. The old diver was rubbing his temples as if we were giving him a migraine.

"You kids're going the wrong way. If we're gonna improve your ship, we need to go to town first. Get some lumber, supplies."

That made Luffy pause for a moment. He wasn't thinking, though. Wiping sopping bangs out of his eyes, my captain gifted Cricket with a brilliant smile that was somehow magnified by the rain. "Nah, we're good, old man. Might not even need you and the monkeys- but thanks for offering! My crew's the best, though; even if we have problems sometimes, we can do _anything_ as long as we have each other."

Luffy's words made me feel all warm and fluffy- and judging by the faces of my crewmates, I wasn't the only one. Smiles all around, even people like Zoro and Drifter and _Robin_.

"G'awww, shucks!" Masira squirmed and blushed at being called a monkey. His brother scowled.

"I'm not a monkey, dammit!" Shoujou looked like he was considering unleashing one of his sonic screams- but he froze with a squeak at a toothy grin from Ruatha.

Ignoring both brothers, Luffy turned back to the rest of us with a wide grin. Hands on his hips, he addressed us as a _captain_ \- something he did so rarely. "Jones… This Knock Up thing, it's gonna make _Merry_ fly, ne?"

"Well, um, technically no, but… Close enough." We didn't have time for me to get into semantics. Luffy nodded.

"Alright. Drifter, Geier, you know most about flying. You plan what _Merry_ needs for that- wings and stuff. Jones, you know science stuff; help."

"Aye-aye Captain!" Back ramrod straight, feet together, I reflexively snapped a salute. I spun on my heel and joined Drifter and Geier as the former pulled out a large piece of paper and began sketching. Behind me, Luffy continued to shout orders.

"Sanji, Zoro, we need wood- lots of it! Gotta make _Merry_ stronger and build her wings! Usopp, you're the one who does most of the repairs. You and Johnny rep- reinv- _reinforce_ _Merry_ once you've got enough lumber! Yosaku, Lisa, you make any feathers and colours and stuff we need for the wings- she's still gotta look like _Merry_! Nami, find a way to make sure the compass bird doesn't escape! Chopper, help me hang this bell I found underwater!"

"And us?" Toma asked shakily as he shifted from leaning on Zoro to standing shakily between Ghin and Robin. Luffy thought for a second.

"Help Lisa and Yosaku," he decided finally. "I don't think that'll make you hurt more, and we prob'ly need a _lot_ of feathers."

Once everyone had been given their orders, the crew split off. Drifter, Geier, and I had barely started designing the wings when we heard voices on the edge of the jungle.

"Hey, Shit Cook, I'll do the fine shaping if you take down the trees."

"Idiot Moss Brain. You don't even know what shapes we need yet."

"Grrrrrmmm… Fine. Worry about that later. Tatsumaki!"

"Anti-Manner Kick Course!"

 _CRASH! KRSH! SHBASH! FWUSH!_

The ground shook; unnatural wind whipped the rain upwards for a brief moment before allowing it to resume falling in sheets. A dozen trees fell, scattering bark, leaves, and broken branches everywhere. Zoro wasted no time in cutting half of them to boards for Usopp and Johnny's use making reinforcements.

"Sanzen Sekai!"

Geier flared her wings to keep rain off the paper where Drifter and I were designing _Merry_ 's flying apparatus; Ruatha copied her a moment later. I reached up to scratch my dragon behind one ear as I drew. Beside me, Drifter rubbed his partner's leg absently.

 _If we include a series of gears here and here, we can fold the wings in more easily for storage._

"Oh! Hadn't thought of that!" Would _Merry_ be able to keep her wings in this version? I guess that was up to her. "Well, if were doing that, that means we can have spoilers, slats, flaps, and ailerons here, here, here, and here."

I marked the places on the diagram. Drifter frowned. _Don't think we'll be needing to roll the ship, but okay. If you want spoilers and ailerons, there's no real reason_ not _to include them. Now… How're we going to steer? I don't think the rudder we have will cut it; not as much resistance in the air for it to work with._

"Of course not. We'll have to give _Merry_ a tail. The same folding rig can be replicated smaller for that."

Nodding, Drifter put pen to paper- then frowned again. _I take it you think we should have elevators as well as expanding the rudder?_

I shrugged. "In for a penny, in for a pound. Is there any reason _not_ to have them?"

 _No_. The otter hesitantly sketched out a tail. _But… These are all theories. Untested. The World Government specifically outlawed practical testing on these ideas after Kit Hawkins and Will Orr crashed an experimental flyer into a Tenryuubito ship. Three hundred years ago. Will these… Will these things work?_

"Attached to a ship? Not a clue. Attached to an airplane?" I double-checked the sketches. As far as I knew, we'd covered everything. Everything important anyway. "They work. My world's had powered flight for more than a hundred years. We don't have any flying creatures large enough to ride, though. _Or_ a World Government."

 _And it's something your average person just_ knows _about?_ Drifter's writing was shaky with disbelief. I shook my head.

"No. But… My dad was a pilot, until his medical was taken away. He flew Search and Rescue… But they grounded him because of psychological issues." And he'd been living vicariously through _Combat Flight Simulator 3: Battle for Europe_ ever since, forcing me to play with him so he had a wingman on hard missions. "So I know a bit about planes."

With Geier and Ruatha still making their wings into an umbrella, we took the designs over to Zoro. The swordsman looked them over for a few minutes, then nodded.

"Alright. Gimme a sec." Closing his eyes, Zoro tensed his muscles. "Ichi Gorilla… Ni Gorilla… Nigori-Zake!"

A blur of motion and silver, spattered with mud from the driving rain. When Zoro stopped, the remaining wood had all been painstakingly cut and planed to shape. Sheathing his swords, the bosun ran a thumb over one spar with a frown. "Tch. Still not the same."

"Huh?" Yosaku looked up from where he was… crocheting? Yes, _crocheting_ the fabric that would become the skin of the wings. With incredible speed. Beside him, Ghin frowned in concentration as he untangled and sorted balls of yarn. "Not the same as what, Big Bro?"

Zoro was quiet for a moment. Then he shrugged. "Before Kuina…" He skipped part of the sentence, instead opting to caress the hilt of _Wado Ichimonji_. "She taught me how to work with wood. So I could replace my shinai and bokken when I inevitably broke them. But I could never get quite as good a result as she did."

That was… a bit of a surprise, but it made sense. Leaving Drifter and Geier to look after the plans, I gathered up as much of the wood as I could carry and headed over to Usopp and Johnny. Zoro and Sanji followed suit. The gunner and the blue hunter had just finished with the reinforcements when we got there.

Usopp nearly fell in the water when Drifter shoved the wing plans in his face. "I... You… What makes you think I have some of those parts? Spiral bevel gears? Worm drives? Who do you think I am?"

 _The master gunner and tinkerer of the Straw Hat Pirates,_ was Drifter's swift, no-nonsense reply. _I also happen to know you have a stash of failed inventions under your bed, and that if we cannibalize those, we'll have_ more _than enough of the parts we need._

"I! You! Fine…" Usopp trotted off to get the stash Drifter had mentioned. When he returned, his arms were full of bizarre attempts at recreating the technology of Clockwork Island. "Stupid police officers searching everywhere they have no business…"

Cricket and his boys watched in fascination as we worked, dextrous hands and paws disassembling and reassembling wood and steel. They looked like they were debating trying to help. But… Luffy was right. There were enough of us, and things were different from canon… The Straw Hats could modify _Merry_ by ourselves.

Below, Lisa whistled as she worked, mixing large quantities of… _something_ with Toma and Robin. It looked different than her usual paints. More… Plastic. There were four tubs of the stuff being made- red, white, gold, and black. Some sort of dope, perhaps?

. . .

The aircraft kind, for anyone whose mind just went to performance-enhancing drugs or something like that.

Heavy raindrops made wood and metal very slick. Those of us assembling the wing frames had to be careful not to drop anything, and to oil all the pieces well. Sanji helped with that part, although he wouldn't come anywhere near the gears when we put those in position. Probably worried about getting his hands caught in the assembly…

Luckily, that didn't happen to anyone. I think Chopper would've killed us if it had.

Soon enough, the frames were ready. Usopp turned a crank, extending the wings and fins out to their full span, so we could stretch the fabric across. It was… very thick, and a little lumpy, but strong. Yosaku just barely got it done in time; the green hunter rubbed his hands, fingers curled into aching claws from having to crochet so much in such a short time. But we hadn't had enough canvas to do it the easy way…

Once the fabric had been secured in place, Lisa climbed up. She wielded a large, square, industrial paintbrush rather than her usual little artistic one. Quick swipes drew curves patterns of colourful dope across stretched fabric. Thankfully, whatever solution she'd used was resistant to being washed away even when wet.

It was… Nothing like _Merry_ 's canon rooster modification. Despite Luffy mentioning feathers, the wings were smooth and… Rather bat-like, actually, do to the folding mechanisms that doubled as lift, drag, roll, and pitch control. Her rear sprouted a great fin that would hopefully control yaw. About her figurehead, someone had given _Merry_ a spiky crown of scrap wood and string, almost like Ruatha's mane.

No, she was no rooster this time. Our _Merry_ was a _dragon_.

 _Kling! Kling!_

The bell Luffy and Chopper had been hanging clanged gleefully as everyone cleaned up and prepared to set sail. Below it, a very grumpy looking southbird had its talons tied to a perch. Unlike _Merry_ , the bird didn't sound pleased at all.

"Jyoooooooooh…"

Cricket blinked slowly. He and his boys hadn't spoken in… I actually didn't know long it had taken us to assemble the flying apparatus. The old diver cleared his throat. "Wow… You kids are impressive."

"Of course we are!" Luffy beamed, hanging upside-down from the strut that held _Merry_ 's bell. "I'm gonna be King of the Pirates someday, so it only makes sense that my crew's the best at what they do! I already told you- as long as we're together, we can do anything!"

"So you can." Chuckling, Cricket shook his head at us. "Good luck, then, with finding your island in the sky- I'd like to know how you _know_ so much about it, but I get the feeling you're not going to tell me. But… All that talk of gold and treasure…"

Luffy's grin grew wider; he righted himself and dropped to the deck. "If we find anything that says what might've happened to that gold city, we'll make sure to tell you! Don't worry Chestnut-Head!"

"It's _Cricket!_ "

Giggling like mad, Luffy bounded to his special seat. "Alright everyone, let's go! I smell adventure!"

"It must smell like ozone," Nami muttered good-naturedly, "If there's a lightning-based enemy ahead."

Everyone moved into position as Zoro raised the anchor. Or, well, almost. Some people's positions were a bit _different_ than usual, after all. With Ghin's arm… I took my brother's place in the rigging, though I was slower and less certain. Not that Ghin didn't _try_ , but Chopper vetoed any climbing on his part. Aggressively. In Heavy Point. With a hockey stick. So Ghin stayed on deck, operating the wing winch and frowning at the horizon.

And the winch certainly _did_ need operating. As soon as we were out of the shelter of the bay, we were hit by the full strength of the storm. Winds strong enough to rock a bus slammed into us from the side; Ghin retracted the wings as fast as he was able. Good thing, too. If he'd been any slower, the extra air captured by the starboard wing might've been enough to flip the _Merry_.

Wings furled against her rails, _Merry_ bobbed through the storm like a little cork. It was slow going, both because of the direction of the wind, and because visibility was reduced to almost nothing by the spray and darkness. Waves broke continually over the railing; Lisa's usual job of monitoring speed and depth was made nearly impossible.

"Jyoooooooooh…"

Chopper winced at the southbird's call. "Sorry… But we can't find the Knock Up Stream without you." The doctor's ears drooped.

"Jyooh!" His words didn't seem to placate the bird at all. It turned to try and peck at the doctor- but immediately pulled back to its previous position, eyes spinning. Even a few seconds of not facing south was apparently enough to make it ill.

Huffing, Geier hopped over to perch by the smaller bird. This made the southbird very nervous; its eyes went wide as it tried to edge away along the perch. It couldn't get very far, though, not with its talons bound. "Jyo- _oooh_ …"

"Schareeeeeeeeeee! Schaaaaooooo. Chree!"

Whatever Geier said, both Chopper and the southbird looked horrified. The little doctor didn't translate, though. Instead, he squawked loudly and flailed, jumping up to stand unsteadily on the perch himself as he waved his arms.

"Geier! That's not nice! Don't say things like that to Teri- she has a legitimate reason to be upset!"

" _Skiiiir_ …" Huge wings shrugging, Geier clacked her beak a few times before hopping away to help Drifter make sure Nami's trees were secure.

The pouring rain made everything slick and heavy. I fell out of the rigging numerous times over the next few minutes, as did Johnny, Yosaku, and Luffy. And the wind didn't help, setting everything vibrating as the ship rocked on the waves. But with Teri providing a heading, we still managed to keep a more or less true course through the storm.

 _Kling! Kling!_

 _Merry_ 's new bell rang out with every rocking wave, a bright, cheery sound. Something about the shadows and the spray- and probably her dragon-like cosplay- gave the little caravel a determined expression as we tacked south.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"

Usopp's scream cut through the storm without warning, nearly making me lose my grip and fall out of the rigging _again_. "Sanji! Turn us around! A giant whirlpool just appeared out of _freakin' nowhere!_ "

"Belay that!" I hollered before the cook could change our course. Sanji poked his head out of the galley to glare up at me. I flinched- it was going to take a while for the cook to stop being mad at me, wasn't it?- but held firm.

"That whirlpool's the first stage of the Knock Up Stream! We need to sail _into_ it!"

"You're nuts! Shitty little-!" Sanji didn't believe me. He looked like he was about to turn the ship around anyway; a yell from Nami stopped him.

"No that makes sense! It's like a geyser or limnic eruption- just, on a massive scale!" The sailing master gripped the rail with white-knuckled hands. "Keep true! We'll need to be close!"

Tangerines secure, Drifter scrambled around the ship like furry lightning, bringing each crew member a long piece of rope. The other end of each line was bound around the base of the mast. Safety lines. It'd be _bad_ if someone fell off when we got hit by the Knock Up Stream. I made sure to secure mine _tight_ around my waist.

The _Going Merry_ lurched as the whirlpool started to pull her in. A brief thrill of adrenaline raced through my system; Johnny nearly fell out of the rigging again in surprise. Soon our little ship was leaning forwards, pulled inexorably in and down. Sanji gave up trying to steer as powerful currents caught hold and dragged the caravel around counter-clockwise.

Usopp whimpered in the crow's nest. "Jones… You're _sure_ we won't get pulled to the bottom and die a horrific death?"

"Well…" I suppose it was _possible_ this wouldn't go exactly the same as canon. "The Knock Up Stream is the all-or-nothing method for getting to Skypiea. So it's a 50-50 chance… We either get there perfectly fine, or we don't."

"THERE ARE _OTHER_ WAYS?! YOU COULDN'T HAVE TOLD US THIS EARLIER?!"

I shrugged, climbing up past the crow's nest to make sure the flag was secure. "I don't know what they are or how to find them."

Usopp paled, looking as if he was about to faint. And then, somewhere to port, from the depths of the whirlpool…

 _ **RUMBLE…**_

The sea around us suddenly inverted, going from a cone pulling in and down to a pillar shooting up into the sky. Although there was still a fair bit of suction pulling us towards the base. The _Going Merry_ was picked up and fired into the air like a child's bath toy. A hundred meters, two hundred… When we were about half a kilometer up, the _Merry_ began to fall back and to the side, no longer in the grip of the main pillar.

"GHIN! NOW!"

"SCAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"VIINGGE!"

Nami and I yelled in unison, accompanied by screeches from Geier and Ruatha. Gritting his teeth, Ghin turned the winch as fast as he could. For a moment it seemed like nothing was happening, like the gear assembly had gotten jammed. Like _Merry_ 's wings were stuck. Then wood and fabric snapped into position with a deafening noise, and the _Going Merry_ levelled out with a sharp jerk.

Taught fabric hummed in the wind, each massive wing as large as the _Merry_ proper. Huge Jolly Rogers smiled at sea and sky as _Merry_ soared around the Knock Up Stream in a tight spiral. The whipstaff guided her extended rudder; dropping from the rigging, I took control of the levers that adjusted her ailerons, elevators, slats, flaps, and spoilers.

Spoilers flat, slats and flaps extended, slight deflection on the ailerons to bank with Sanji's steering, elevators raised to force the nose up… "Johnny, Yosaku, furl the sails! They're causing too much drag!"

"Aye-aye, Big Sis!"

Once the sails were out of the way, things were better. Not the greatest- wings or not, a caravel wasn't exactly designed with aerodynamics in mind- but better. The strong winds that had previously hindered us were now a source of lift, along with the air being pushed up near the Knock Up Stream. Still… I decreased the force of gravity on the ship slightly, as much as I was comfortable maintaining. Just in case.

"SHISHISHISHISHI! THIS IS AWESOME!" Despite how high we were- with altitude ever _increasing_ \- Luffy hung off the figurehead as if we were sailing on the calmest sea.

"SESEHIHIHIHIHIHI!" I had to agree with my captain- this was _awesome_. The _best_. This flight, the feeling of lightness and _freedom_ … For a few minutes, it seemed like everything bad was just spiralling away as we rose. I could briefly forget my guilt, all the problems with the Blackbeard incident, Sanji's anger and Ghin's arm…

No, for the next few minutes there was nothing but the wind and the rain, and the little ship rising ever higher in spite of her design. And… My crewmates all seemed to feel the same. Everyone was smiling, gazing eagerly up at the clouds that grew closer and closer. The humming of the lines and taught wing fabric made excited music as we rose.

 _Kling-kling! Kling-kling!_

Oh, how I wished we could fly like this all the time. But without something like the Knock Up Stream, _Merry_ would never be able to get up the speed to take off.

Clouds darker than pitch grew closer and closer above our heads. Everything my father had ever told me about flying started screaming at me to descend- entering clouds like that was a bad, _bad_ plan. We'd never be able to see anything… We could crash into something, or be hit by lightning, or our wings could ice up. We could lose steering, or gain so much weight and drag we'd fall out of the sky.

But… Skypiea was up there.

Gritting my teeth, I closed my eyes and braced myself. Best to just get this over with. Hopefully we wouldn't hit the bottom of Upper Yard or anything like that. I raised the elevators even more, enough that _Merry_ very nearly risked going into a stall as she went nearly vertical. Our airspeed slowed, not quite enough to make us fall, but enough that several of my crewmates were set staggering from surprise and the change in momentum.

And then the smiling ram head pierced through the stormy ceiling.


	32. Myth

**Myth: as viewed in classical Greece, any story, whether true or imagined, with a plot; often the characters and setting are thought to be of an entirely different world or breed than humans.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Don't worry, things will get better in a little bit.**

 **gamelove41592: Oh, it'll help. And thanks! The scene with Usopp and Robin was fun to write. Onward to Skypiea!**

 **ScarletCatnip: I'll try to make sure Zoro gets his time to be hilarious once we get into the jungle. Lots of stuff to do in Skypiea.**

 **LittleAngel2292: Excellent! Thank you!**

 **Dragondancer81: I might write that party someday, as an omake/sidestory. I am gathering a list of them to do during the timeskip. Thanks for the suggestion!**

 **EvilpuppyofDoom: Huh... Never thought of that. I always thought it was inspired by El Dorado.**

 **Tactician101: Thanks! Although I'm sorry I made you cry...**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thanks. And you'll see the first bit of it here, although Aisa won't be meeting most of the crew just yet.**

 **stephen51991: No, I wasn't shipteasing. And... Yes, it is indeed a good time for him to learn.**

 **Draco Oblivion: Thank you! I've found I have the best time writing big fights like that if I play through them as a D &D encounter first. Helps me keep track of who gets hurt how badly and by what. And yes, Toma can sense the spirit hugs. Among other things...**

 **Keiolsha: They did, this time. Mostly.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: Hehehe... Unfortunately, you'll be waiting a while. Lots to go through before I get to the training break and its causes. And yes, that was an emotional chapter. I'm glad things came across that well.**

 **707cloud: Sorry about that. But don't worry, Jones and Sanji will be better soon.**

 **Anime no Akuma: Thank you so much!**

 **Taiski: He is. *grins***

 **deant33: You'll see in this chapter.**

 **FairyGirl960: The reason Toma can see things is because he spent a long period of time with a cursed sword messing with his head. And don't worry; Jones and Sanji will make up fairly soon.**

 **trilbybard: Pretty much, yeah.**

 **GreenDrkness: No, Cricket didn't tell Luffy to ring the bell. But it'll still happen, one way or another.**

 **Tombs456: Already have plans for both Ghin and Merry. And you're right— most of Merry's damage isn't as extensive as it was in canon. There's a reason for that; can anyone guess why? As for topping the Teach fight? I don't know if I ever can, but I'm sure eventually I'll try. Thank you very much!**

 **Azurai Wolf: Sesehihihihihi! Don't worry— I thought it was funny too. And puns will actually be playing a part when I get to that fight, so make as many as you like.**

 **ShinigamiMaster: Yes, they grabbed some earth before they took off. Don't worry, Sanji will come around in a little bit. And the answers to both your questions about Toma are yes. XD**

 **Bombadillo Baby: Yes, Ghin will be alright. And Luffy is a very good captain. As for what it'll take for Sanji to calm down? Kicking the crap out of some priests, and a good one-on-one discussion over some maple syrup.**

 **Unca Bob: Yeah, FFN was having some trouble with alerts around that time. Sorry about that. Thank you very much!**

 **The Pyro Jawsome: Yeah, most people don't release the butterflies quite so early. But they're just so pretty! And yes indeed; we're all our own brand of cracked here. I'm like a stoneware mug that was dropped and then glued back together.**

 **Insanity Lord: Thank you! ^_^**

 **sdkop21: Thank you very much!**

 **Sairafius: You are rude. Incredibly rude. Since nothing happens when I report you, I've actually bothered to learn how to block someone. Congratulations; it takes a lot of effort to get me to do something like that. I do not appreciate your blatant sexism, or being told that I should've been strangled at birth; please leave me alone.**

 **AnerianJames: Thank you very much!**

 **Guest (March 5): Yay! And here's another!**

 **Lily Noir: No, you're right— Sanji does think she manipulated him a bit. But things will get better in a chapter or two, once the two of them get a chance to talk in private for a bit. And yes; Jones' feeling like she doesn't belong and not knowing exactly what her place is on the crew certainly contribute to the pendulum personality. Although part of that is just me. In real life, my personality swings back and forth between terrified and cocky depending on the situation, so it might take a lot of development for Jones to outgrow that. I'm glad you think I did that talk well; it was... difficult to write, parts of it. And I did know about the TVTropes page; sorry if I forgot to announce it... I am derp...**

 **JD: Thanks!**

 **Stormlord654: Thank you very much! ^_^**

 **Holly: Thank you. ^_^ I love it when people enjoy my references.**

 **Guest (March 10): I didn't give it an angst tag because I don't actually find most parts all that angsty. And also because I figured that the warning at the beginning would alert people to the parts that are. Sorry that my perceptions of angst don't match up with everyone's.**

 **YoChicken: Thank you very much! And I'm sorry I made your cheeks hurt.**

 **zilla: Yes, everything is going to change, at least a little. As for Jones getting payback on the other girls... Hadn't thought about that. Maybe someday. And yes, Luffy knows Ace would've died; he overheard Jones and Ace talking about some things and made the connection.**

 **Jojobrn: You're welcome! And thank you so much. ^_^ Yes, Awakened!Jones could pull some awesome things like nuclear explosions at a distance. And yes, she can shield herself to a certain extent from her own powers. So a nuclear reaction she set off even in close proximity would hurt, but she'd probably survive. Unless she blew up something huge like, say, a ship or a building.**

 **Vergil Leonidas: I don't mind long reviews, so don't worry about them getting too big. I'm sorry, though; while I like long reviews, it's harder for me to respond to all your points. I'll do my best to hit the important ones. Your analysis of Jones sparring with Zoro in chapter 2— I'd never thought of it that way, but yes, that fits quite well. Thank you. And the whole issue with Ghin and Luffy... I will admit that was partially me trying to find my feet writing Luffy as a captain for the first time, so I'm glad it works well. Although you're right; there are other things I could've done with Ghin to flesh him out. Sorry about all the new crew members... I know it's a lot, and I know not everyone likes that. I'm confident in my ability to handle them all, but I know even if I do it well, all the new faces aren't everyone's cup of tea. I'm glad you like Jones' interactions with Arlong, and the way I portrayed Jones' reaction to feeling like she was on suicide watch. It's... never fun, when people look at you that way. Even if it's only one or two who know... As for your analysis of my Deadpool schtick— you're right, that's more or less what I was going for. Trapped inside my own head as I am, I do have a lot of awareness of why I think and act the way I do, as well as of my own writing style. I've been trying to get a bit of that across with Jones; I'm glad it seems to be working. ^_^ Thank you very much.**

 **The Utterly Fabulous Z: ^_^ Thanks! Those feels were hard to write, so I'm glad!**

 **Dreamer Miyu: Not crazy. Every example you gave was correct. If you'd like to understand Ruatha faster, though... He speaks Dovahzul from Skyrim, or at least a version of it. And yes... Lafitte being absent may present some difficulties for the Straw Hats further down the Grand Line. As for everyone's bounties... I have it planned, where and how they'll get them. Just need to decide on one more epithet, and the amounts everyone is worth.**

 **Pokemonever1994: Huh. I hadn't noticed that. I gave him his colours for... You'll see at the end of this chapter. And yes, general consensus was that Cross and Soundbite won. Don't mind that chapter; it was just me and Evan having some Xomniac-approved fun.**

 **Molly Grace: Thank you very much! ^_^ And I hadn't really thought of it that way, the thing about strength and recruiting. I was just doing what felt right. But you make a good point... Thanks! And here's the first chapter of Skypiea!**

For a few minutes, I couldn't see anything but black. Even most of the _Merry_ was obscured by thick clouds, like dark cotton. Condensation gathered on my hair, my clothes… My glasses fogged up so I wouldn't have been able to see anything even if there _was_ any light. Hands shaking, my heart leapt into my mouth; what if we hit the bottom of Upper Yard? We'd never see it coming until it was too late.

The air was getting thinner. Between that and the fear and all the moisture, I could barely breathe.

All around me, the ship was humming. Lines and wings strained, vibrating in the wind. The sound of rain on wood, flesh and fabric made a thunderous drumming sound. But somehow, despite this, there was an eerie silence. None of my crewmates were speaking, or even screaming- although a few of them clutched the rails so tight their fingers were turning blue.

Or maybe that was from the cold. It wasn't just the air pressure falling as we rose; it was the temperature as well. Not below freezing, but enough to be noticeable. And uncomfortable. Hopefully it wouldn't get too low; I didn't think I could deal with it if our wings iced up.

 _POP!_

My ears felt like they were _exploding_ as the pressure equalized. Whoops. Better pay more attention to that. Didn't wanna lose my hearing; it was the only sense I had that worked. Rhythmic swallows every few seconds helped, keeping things nice and equal- although taking time for that meant even more trouble catching my breath as the air thinned.

The minute amount of gravity I was absorbing, I redirected to increase friction between my feet and the deck. With the _Merry_ nearly vertical- a sudden shift of the wind could send us into a stall, or even keeling over backwards- I needed all the help I could get maintaining my footing. My legs and back burned from the effort; standing like this was so much harder than my usual Spider Climb.

And then… _Light_.

 _Merry_ 's figurehead pierced through the top of the clouds, followed swiftly by the rest of her. After so long in darkness, it stung my eyes.

There was much less wind up here; we were losing lift rapidly. Kicking the elevators down, I levelled _Merry_ out- then immediately pulled her nose up again. The little caravel landed heavily on the White Sea, spraying clouds up on either side. She skipped over the pale waves a few times, shaking us about; it wasn't the best landing. But at least she made it through in one piece.

Dropping my control over forces, I collapsed on the deck. My everything ached, and I could barely breathe. This was… Not good. Panting rapidly, I tried to crawl to the rails in order to pull myself up. Even moving a few feet left me exhausted.

And I wasn't the only one. Ghin was leaning heavily on the winch, too weak to turn it and fold _Merry_ 's wings in. Johnny and Yosaku sat on deck, shaking, Lisa and Usopp draped tiredly over their laps. Toma looked white as a sheet, barely strong enough to maintain consciousness; Chopper cuddled the boy worriedly, sluggishly checking his eyes. Nami swayed, looking dizzy. Sanji offered a hand to support her, although looking a bit lightheaded himself. Robin and Zoro were trying very hard not to let anyone see they were affected by the altitude change, while Luffy was sprawled out across the deck like an octopus. Drifter had curled up into a ball.

Geier and Ruatha, of course, were fine. My dragon charged over to where I knelt, butting me with his head and crooning with concern.

"Oww…" I shoved my baby away weakly. He snorted and whined, returning to rest his chin on my head.

Nami actually took the hand Sanji was offering, leaning heavily on the cook. "I… I knew air got thinner when you went up a mountain, but I never expected it'd be _this much_ thinner…"

"We're in the bloody stratosphere," I panted, "On any sane world, we'd be dying soon."

Yosaku blinked blearily at me. "Big Sis… Just cause that's how the world you're from works, don't mean it's the only sane one."

Hmm… True. I'd only ever experienced two; that was hardly a good sample to work from. Bleh… My head ached, all fuzzy-like. "Sorry…"

Usopp whimpered. "We'll never be able to fight like this! We can barely move! That lightning guy you mentioned will be able to pick us off like fish in a barrel!"

I wanted to whack Usopp over the head, but was too exhausted to move that far. "Donna talk 'bout future stuffs up 'ere," I slurred. Ergh… I was starting to feel dizzy. And sick. "Enel-face's got Mantra; can 'ear almost all the island… Sesese… Ear… Got 'uge ears too…"

Ghin shifted, groaned, and made a face. "Someone poke her for me. Her brain's falling out."

"Schrawk!" Geier hopped over, extending one huge wing to buffet my head lightly. It didn't help. My brain still felt like it was made of cotton balls. Or feathers… Such soft, pretty feathers… With black and white spots dancing over them… _Fuzzy…_

Oozing to his feet, Luffy frowned with concern. "Jones? Jones, you don't sound so good. And I'm starting to feel better… Does the strato-thing you mentioned hurt people from your world more than ours?"

"Meeeeeeeeeeh? Whatcha talkin' 'bout? I feel fine. I feel _happy_. I think Imma go for a walk." So saying, I tried and failed to drag myself to my feet. The only result was me rolling across the deck for a bit, before deciding that even that was too tiring. Stopping, I pressed my forehead into warm wood. My lungs struggled for air.

 _Can't breathe, can't breathe, can't breathe!_ Part of my brain was _panicking_ … The rest was focused on how _pine-y_ the planks tasted. Darkness wasn't so much nibbling at the edges of my vision as it was… Taking _Jaws_ -sized bites from it.

Never did like that movie…

A small hand grabbed my shoulder, shaking me roughly. Nami's voice- slightly out of breath, but no worse than after a brief run- was an urgent hiss in my ear.

"Jones! You need to use your powers- now! Raise the air pressure around your head!"

Powers? Yeee… My powers were always _fuuuuuuuuuuun…_ But why did Nami want me to use them?

…

Of course; we were _sailing_ now. On _clouds!_ So if the weather was calm my powers could make wind. Not much, and not sure if it'd be going in the right direction… But it was better than nothing. Although doing it around my head would be a bit _odd_ , but whate-

"Under Pressure!"

Or, well, more like _Reverse Force Choke_. My mind suddenly cleared as I sucked in a few breaths of proper air. Holding the pressure close to me at close to an atmosphere of pressure left a constant tingling throughout my body, but at least I could _think_ now. And move.

Rolling onto my back, I took a few deep breaths. Sweet, sweet air! Or, well, not all that sweet- it tasted like a busy photocopy room- but I'd take the ozone as long as I had to, as long as I could _think straight_. "Ergh…"

By now, everyone else seemed to have adjusted. Even Ghin and Toma seemed as close to alright as they could be, what with their injuries. Taking a few more deep breaths, I rolled to my feet. "Sorry about that…"

"You really _do_ come from a world where people are weaker," Zoro mumbled thoughtfully. I could see gears spinning in his head- they ground to a stop, though, when he realized I already trained my ass off most days.

Plus, he already had Toma.

Now that I had more energy, I strode across the deck and thwacked Usopp on the back of the head. The gunner winced and rubbed his skull, staring at me in disbelief. "What was that for?!"

"We _can't_ talk spoilers here. At all. Or any plans, really."

Luffy frowned and pouted slightly, arms folded. "Jones… I thought we agreed you need to _talk to us_."

That made me flinch slightly. "I know… And… I'll tell you if you insist, but- counterpoint."

Everyone looked at me expectantly. I raised an eyebrow. "Don't think about pink elephants."

For a long moment, no one spoke. The whole crew blinked in unison a couple of times- which was actually kind of creepy. Then Robin frowned.

"Is this a matter of reverse psychology?"

I nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, it is. This is the only time this'll happen, as far as I know, but for this island, I _need_ you to let me not tell you anything. Enel's Haki lets him hear across the _entire bloody island_ \- I'm honestly not sure if we're inside his range yet or not. And the more you know, the more likely you'll say something out loud and land us all in trouble. Admittedly not _much_ trouble, since god-complex or not, Luffy's immune to pretty much anything a lightning logia could throw at us, but still."

A large bead of sweat rolled down the side of Ghin's head, and I don't think it was _entirely_ from the pain of his wound. "Jones… If _anyone_ was gonna say something and get us in trouble, I think _that_ would've done it."

Well… _Oops_. My blood ran cold. Listening, I couldn't hear any crackling that might indicate an incoming lightning strike, but just to be safe… "You can smite me where I stand, or you can watch me repeatedly slam my head against the mast. Which would you prefer?"

There was no indication of any sort of answer, but that didn't stop me. Spinning on my heel, I faced the mast and deliberately minimized the absorptive quality of my powers.

"I."

 _Thunk_.

"Am."

 _Thunk_.

"Such."

 _Thunk_.

"An."

 _Thunk_.

"Idiot."

 _Thunk_.

Of course, minimized as they were, my powers still absorbed _some_ of the force, so despite slamming my head into the mast _quite_ hard, I ended up with only a mild headache. After the fifth _thunk_ , Usopp came over and placed a hand between my head and the wood. "Jones…"

"Sorry, sorry. Forgot. Sorry, _Merry_." Rubbing my forehead with one hand, I reached out and patted _Merry_ with the other. A line came undone somewhere above, falling to drape across my shoulders.

Ghin rolled his eyes.

"Not what I was worried about," Usopp grumbled, "But if it gets you to stop…"

Luffy was looking around like ha half-expected Enel to drop out of the sky after what I'd said. Which, okay, given what happened with people like Dragon and Ace, that wouldn't have been all that surprising. Didn't happen, though. My captain frowned.

"Jones… I thought you said there was an island up here. Where is it? Is it invisible?"

Nami spoke up hot on his heels. "The log pose is still pointing up. _Steeply_."

I nodded. "We're not at the island yet, no. There's two levels up here- the White Sea, which we're on, and the White-White Sea, which is three kilometers up. _That's_ where Skypiea is." Looking at the clouds above us, I frowned. "On my world, that'd be two kilometers too high. We'd suffocate. But I guess the only one in danger of that is me."

Around the ship, the wind _fwooshed_ softly. It was weaker than at sea level, but still noticeable. Oddly rhythmic, though.

Also frowning, Nami followed my gaze. "Three kilometers up… How do we get up there? Will there be another Knock Up Stream?"

"No, no, nothing like that. There's a bridge."

Freezing for a moment, Nami chuckled and sighed. "Of course there is. We sailed _up a mountain_ to enter the Grand Line- why does anything surprise me anymore?"

I shrugged, as did about half of the rest of the crew. Rolling her eyes fondly, our sailing master checked the log pose to see if she could use it to determine where Heaven's Gate was. Which… She must be able to eventually, given that they got there in canon.

"Umm… Jones?" Lisa sounded oddly worried. The little girl was looking out over the rails, eyes fixed on something below the ship. I glanced over, confused. What could she possibly be looking at? There was nothing there but cloud.

"What is it?"

"If the island's supposed to still be above us… Where'd that guy come from?"

 _Tabarnak_. I'd forgotten about Wyper, hadn't I? Rushing to the rails, I followed Lisa's gaze. _There_. Small, dark figure, approaching rapidly across the clouds. Still too far to see details clearly, but I could make out the shape of his Burn Bazooka slung across his back.

Merde… Even if people weren't struggling for breath now, I didn't think anyone was in a state to be fighting just yet. But then, how could we protect the _Going Merry_? How could we protect _each other_? We had wounded people aboard!

Luffy seemed to be able to tell that the rapidly approaching figure wasn't friendly. Frowning, the captain pointed at Wyper. "Usopp, get him!"

"I can't!" The gunner flailed beside me. "I'm all outta ammo!"

"Crap! Sorry!" Jumping up on the rails, Luffy held onto _Merry_ 's rigging with one hand. He held his other close for a minute, waiting for Wyper to get closer. Soon enough, the Shandian warrior skated into focus. Not that much could actually be seen of him no matter how close he got- Wyper was wearing a large, garishly painted wooden battle mask that concealed his face and large portions of his body. Feathers, beads, and braided fur adorned the edges of the mask; the whole of it was painted with a grimacing face in bright red, white, and green.

"Gum-Gum BB!" Luffy snapped his fist forward. He couldn't reach Wyper yet, but the concussive burst of air that flew off Luffy's knuckles soared plenty far enough.

The clouds at Wyper's feet exploded from the blow, sending the Shandian warrior tumbling. He flipped through the air, landing back on his feet and skating towards us even faster than before. Pulling his bazooka from his back and setting it in position, Wyper took aim as he approached.

"Oh no you don't." Luffy fired off a few more punches, trying to drive Wyper off. "Gum-Gum BB! Gum-Gum BB! Gum-Gum Pistol!"

At this point, though, Wyper was prepared for the attacks. Clearly used to fighting and dodging while skating, he leapt aside as each strike came in, hardly slowing his forward motion. His bazooka was still aimed steadily at the _Going Merry_.

"Gum-Gum Pistol!"

Wyper jumped over Luffy's final punch, soaring into the air. His wings may have been vestigial, but they flared as the Shandian warrior reached the apex of his leap. Vestigial flight instincts too, perhaps? Then, adjusting his aim, Wyper fired on the ship.

 _FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! KA-FWOOM! KA-FWOOM! KA-FWOOM!_

Four shots. Three were solid shot, oddly-shaped missiles that arced through the air like skipping stones. But the first blast was a wave of fire, expanding over the ship in a cone-shaped wave. It also provided a burst of hot air that gave Wyper a brief moment of lift, allowing him to flip over the _Going Merry_ and land on the other side. He didn't stick around either; with a few swooshing steps on his skates, Wyper darted away, vanishing before his missiles had even hit.

The fire hit first, catching on _Merry_ 's wings. Hissing and crackling filled the air, accompanied by the stench of burning wool and oil paints. The fumes made me ill; from the looks on their faces, many of my crewmates felt the same. Not that we had more than a fraction of a second to smell it.

Something must've switched off what little common sense I have, because I took a slight step to the side as the solid missiles arced in. That movement put me right at ground zero when the missiles hit and exploded. Which… At least I was more resistant to such things than the _Merry_?

Still odd to think that sort of thing.

I raised my arms above my head in a cross block. Flinching, every muscle in my body tensed as I shut my eyes tight.

Right before the missiles hit, Usopp grabbed my shoulder, trying to pull me out of the way. "Jones, what're you-?!"

 _FBOOM! FBOOM! FBOOM!_

 _Osti d'épais de marde!_ What was _in_ those things? _Reject Dials?!_ That's certainly what it felt like, although I knew Reject Dials were too rare for that to _actually_ be the case. Still, though…

The missiles exploded against my forearms one after another; force sang through my bones. _Merde_. That hit so hard it _hurt_. And made me sick… My head throbbed, over my limits. And then…

 _KA-SHOOM!_

Next thing I knew, I was flying through the air, staring up at the clouds above. I felt less nauseous now, at least. Although there was a certain level of embarrassment… I hadn't exploded like that since, well, _ever_. Even when Ace kicked attacked me in Alabasta, I hadn't overloaded that badly.

Well, first order of business- find out how far I'd flung myself from the _Going Merry_ and, if possible, find a way to steer my descent onto something that wouldn't kill me on landing. I slowly extended one arm, causing me to roll in my flight, extending the other shortly after so I'd end up level on my stomach. Ideally I'd arch my back to slow my fall, too, but there was a slight problem with that…

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

I wasn't alone. Rather than letting go or being knocked away when I exploded, Usopp had grabbed on tight to my shoulder. His brave but foolish attempt to pull me out of danger now meant that _both_ of us were flying through the air away from the ship. And he was throwing my balance off, clinging to one side like that.

"Usopp!" I snapped, unsure if he could hear me over his own wailing and the wind whistling past us.

The answer was apparently yes, as the gunner immediately snapped his mouth shut with a startled "Meep!" It was followed a few seconds later by what sounded like quiet words, but was probably a fairly loud whine in actuality.

"We're gonna die!"

"Not if you deploy your parachute and help me level out!"

I felt Usopp relax as he remembered he had that. A panicked shift took him to the center of my back so he was no longer sending us keeling sideways. Then there was a loud click, followed by a brief snap and whoosh as rope and fabric unfurled.

"Usopp Parachute!"

Momentum- both forward and downward- halted with a sudden snap. The shock of it nearly ripped me away from Usopp- would have, had he not squeaked loudly and hugged tight to my neck. I flailed for a moment as my breath was cut off for the second time that day.

"GRCK!"

"Sorry!" Usopp shifted his grip so he was basically hugging me from behind. Which was… Still uncomfortable, but less likely to lead to me strangling or snapping my neck.

Rubbing my throat, I took a deep breath before letting out a pained croak. "How far are we from the _Merry_?" The position we were in, it was slightly easier for him to turn and look than for me.

"I- I don't know…"

Keeping my body as still as possible so as not to send us flipping around or getting tangled in the 'chute, I turned my head to stare at Usopp out of the corner of my eye. "What do you mean, _you don't know?_ "

"I mean I can't _see_ the _Merry!_ "

"You _what?!_ " How the bloody Hell could we have flown that far, that quickly? Line of sight up here should be _ridiculous!_

"I said I don't see the _Merry!_ " Usopp squeezed me reflexively, a brief jolt of force. Not that I could do anything with it- I didn't think I could steer us, and there was no point shooting forward faster.

"Tabarnak!" This was bad. This was very, _very_ bad. I had no idea where we were headed, if we were headed towards anything at all. Only thing I could think of was maybe G8. Merde, was my writer seriously going to have me and Usopp miss Skypiea? That was no fair!

Or… Was she planning to kill us off? Was my job done, now that Blackbeard was dead?

I closed my eyes, face scrunching into a frown. No… No, even if that's what she intended, I wasn't going to let her. If she was trying to drop us into the sea, I'd find a way to fly to G8; if she was trying to make us miss Skypiea, I'd find a way to float back up. I could manipulate fucking _gravity_ , at least a little. There had to be a way through this.

"Usopp! If you see anything that looks even a little like land, tell me immediately!" Still wasn't sure how I'd steer, but first things first. I absorbed as much gravity as I dared, slowing our fall until, between the parachute and my powers, it was barely noticeable.

Of course, thanks to the parachute, our forward momentum was lessening greatly as well. While not ideal, it at least made it easier for Usopp and I to hear each other.

"Will do!" Usopp slipped his goggles down over his eyes with one hand, nearly dropping me in the process. I flinched and momentarily lost my hold over both gravity and air pressure, setting the both of us to swaying and leading to a few seconds of being unable to breathe as I got things back under control. Usopp cringed and resumed holding me tight with both arms. "Sorry!"

I'm not sure exactly how long we flew after that. Every second the gunner and I hung suspended in the air felt like an hour. My brain was going haywire. This was terrifying- I had no idea where we were, how far we'd flown, how long I could maintain both my breathing and the reduced gravity. Would we fall? Were we even going in the right direction to encounter _any_ land? What would happen if we _did_?

But at the same time… It was exhilarating. We were flying, and there was nothing- _nothing_ \- beneath or around us. Usopp and I were gliding under our own power, more or less, even if we were even less capable of steering than an early hot air balloon.

Samsung stuck its eyestalks out of its pouch, took one look around, and quickly withdrew into its shell. I patted that pouch absently. Yeah… Snails weren't meant for the sky. Not the way dragons were. It was kind of too bad Ruatha wasn't with us- he'd have loved this. Then again, I wouldn't want my baby in this sort of danger, so it was best that he'd been left back at the ship.

"Land to port!" Usopp shouted after a while. I jerked in surprise, setting us swinging.

Land? Already? But we hadn't even passed the edge of the White Sea yet! What kind of land could _possibly_ be visible? I glanced in the direction Usopp had indicated. Sure enough, while it was still too distant to make out any details, there was a dark blotch on the horizon. Had some mountain island poked its peak up through the clouds? Were Usopp and I headed for a non-canon island?

Well, it could be worse.

Of course, we still had to _get_ there. I began pumping my legs back and forth, as if I was on a swing. "Okay, follow my rhythm. I think we're falling slow enough that we should make it if we redirect now."

Frowning, Usopp did as I asked. He glanced from me to the land several times as we slowly, _slowly_ managed to shift our course, until… "Can't you just use your powers to shoot us over there? That's what got us into trouble in the first place."

"I would if I could," I panted. My control over air pressure was starting to slip; I'd have to release gravity soon to be able to maintain my ability to breathe. "But that only works when I've got something to push off of."

Usopp's frown deepened. We started sinking faster as I was forced to focus my powers on my breathing- couldn't work two forces at once for very long, it seemed. The faster we sank, the more frantically Usopp and I swung, until every movement was almost big enough to tangle the parachute lines. Every swing brought us slightly closer to the land poking up through the clouds.

But not close enough.

I didn't need to do the math- I could see, could _feel_ our trajectory. We were going to fall short by several hundred meters. And we had no way of knowing what was under the clouds, as far as landing underneath. No way of knowing what sort of terrain we'd encounter, or how long we'd take to hit it after falling through clouds that would _temporarily negate my powers_ due to their high pyrobloin content…

"Are you _sure_ you can't make us go any faster?" Usopp asked, worried. His arms were shaking with fatigue from holding onto me so long. "I'd even take a crash landing like when Luffy Rockets people around, as long as we _land_."

"Still nothing to push off of." My voice cracked loudly mid-sentence. Usopp flinched, looking around wildly.

"You sure? _Absolutely_ sure? You can't, I dunno, kick off a cloud or something? Not even a little? Raise the air pressure enough to make yourself a trampoline?"

Huh? I… Hadn't thought of that, actually. Maybe… It was certainly worth a try. I wouldn't be able to _hold_ anything like that for very long, but I wouldn't _need_ to. A second at the very most; that should be plenty. The technique would be difficult, though- timing was critical.

I knew exactly what to call it.

Snapping one leg back and down as if stomping on something, I very briefly increased the air pressure under the ball of my foot until the air was nearly solid. Only for an instant, though, like with punching- time on target was key, in this case, to getting the most speed out of it. I released a burst of force into the solidified air even as I let go my hold on it; the result sent me and Usopp careening forward in spite of the parachute's drag. I grinned as the wind whistled around us.

"Geppo!"

 **-V-**

"MONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Ruatha's distressed scream cut through the air as Jones and Usopp disappeared into the clouds with a twinkle. And Luffy… Well, even if he wasn't screaming like the dragon, he _wanted_ to. His friends were being taken away _again_. No way of helping, no way of knowing if they'd be safe, if he'd be able to meet up with them again. The rubber boy tried to grab his gunner and quartermaster, but the explosion happened so fast… They were out of range by the time he'd reached for them.

"Monah! Daal! _Daal!_ "

Before anyone could stop him, the dragon jumped up on the rails, then onto Zoro's shoulders, which he used as a springboard to launch himself into the air. That sent the bosun crashing face-first into the deck- while Ruatha may still have been _much_ smaller than the adult dragons they'd seen, he wasn't really little anymore. Luffy was pretty sure the dragon was heavier than he was, at this point.

White wings spread out to a distance of almost eight meters as Ruatha leapt. His first frantic flap clipped the rigging as he cleared the ship, nearly sending him into a roll. Luffy snapped an arm out, not willing to lose another crewmate so soon… Only to blink in surprise as his hand came back to him without making contact as a few quick, powerful beats raised Ruatha into the sky.

"MONAH!"

Luffy _could_ have grabbed onto the dragon, hauled Ruatha back. Unlike Jones and Usopp, he wasn't disappearing all that quickly, and now that he was flying steady, Ruatha was an easy target. But the rubber boy's hands remained at his sides. In part because he was a little stunned, and in part because…

 _Ruatha could finally fly now and even if he wasn't big enough to ride it was just so cool and maybe he could find Jones and Usopp and help them but he was too small to ride but Jones had gravity powers so as long as they didn't fall into the water she could make them light enough for Ruatha to pull them back to the ship, right?_

Blinking a few times, Luffy finally forced himself to move again. And the first thing he did was point in the direction Ruatha was headed. "Drifter! Geier! Follow Ruatha! Find Jones and Usopp; help them if you can! We'll come too, but you're faster!"

 _Aye-Aye Captain!_ Drifter was on his partner's back before he'd even finished writing his sign. Geier shrieked as she took to the air, feathered wings pounding.

"SCHAAAAAAOOOOOOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The pair took off like lightning. Unlike Ruatha, Geier was nowhere near clipping the rigging as she barrelled away from the ship. She _did_ , however, nearly collide head-on with a shadow that descended from the clouds just as she was taking off. Squawking loudly, the vulture rolled sideways to avoid impact. Drifter clung tightly to his Stetson to keep it from falling off during the maneuver.

"SKYARK!"

The descending shadow was no less surprised. A large and awkward shape, it shot to one side with considerably less dexterity than Geier, accompanied by the sound of heavy, metallic clanking. An elderly voice called out in alarm.

"Pierre, get a hold of yourself! It's just a bir- Ah! What in the name of sea and sky is that?! And why is it _burning?!_ "

Right, the wings were still on fire. Luffy turned to try and put them out, only to find Nami, Johnny, and Yosaku had beaten him to it. The sailing master had her Clima-Tact snapped together and was waving it like a wand while the hunters fired their spray guns at the flames.

"Rain Tempo!"

"Water Cannon!"

The fires were put out in relatively short order. And… While none of them had damaged the _Merry_ proper, her wings were no more. The frames and inner workings… _might_ be salvageable. They'd bent and deformed a bit from the heat, but they were mostly intact. But the wing membranes had burned as only wool coated in oil paint can; _those_ were gone completely. _Merry_ wouldn't be flying again any time soon.

Once he'd determined that his crew had the situation under control, Luffy looked up at the shadowy arrival. He could see it- _them_ \- better now, with the flames gone and the fact that the shadow was hovering a lot lower over the ship. An armoured man, kinda old and skinny, sitting on the back of a pink and red winged horse. The old man held a long lance in one hand; his other gripped the horse's reins.

A sky knight. _Cool_.

"Oh. Blue Sea dwellers. My apologies." The knight seemed a lot less confused now that he could see the ship properly. He was still a _little_ confused, though. "Where did you come from?"

"The Knock-Up Stream," Luffy answered bluntly, folding his arms. Spinning his head around, he searched for Ghin. But the rigger was nowhere to be found… Must've gone below decks. Why, though? Well then… "Were our sails burned? Can we use 'em?"

"No and yes." It was Sanji who answered. The cook was halfway into the rigging, securing a couple of lines. "Nami dear and the shitty hunters managed to get the fires put out before they damaged anything important."

"Good. Everyone, get ready to sail after Jones and Usopp. We'll find the sky island later, once we've got them back."

"Jyoooooooooooooh…" said the southbird sadly, still tied to its perch. Chopper blinked, ears twitching.

"No, I don't think we need you anymore. Sorry about that." Popping into Heavy Point to be better able to reach, the little doctor untied the bird. She let out one last eerie call as she spread her wings to fly away.

"Jyooo- _oooh!_ "

"The Knock-Up-!" The sky knight nearly fell off his horse in surprise. "That was very brave of you. Not many crews chose that way; it's-!"

"Yeah, we know, all or nothing." Zoro had finally peeled himself off the deck where Ruatha had squashed him into it. The bosun came up to stand at Luffy's right. Folding his arms, he stared at the sky knight. "Our quartermaster told us. But none of us knew any other ways up here."

"Well then…" The knight took a moment to process this. His horse descended to land on the deck of the _Going Merry_ and- turn into a giant bird? Cool! That bird must have a transforming Devil Fruit, like Chopper!

Luffy reached out to pet the bird absently. It jerked in surprise and started to fluff its feathers. But Luffy knew from Geier where to rub to make birds like him, now- this wouldn't be like the chickens in Foosha Village. Finding the special spot, Luffy dug his fingers in. The pink and red horse-bird melted into his touch.

"Krooooooooo…"

"Well, you seem to have made it up unscathed," Unlike his mount, the sky knight wasn't distracted, "But… What was that about going after a couple of your crewmates? Were they knocked off by the Stream? I've never heard of that happening before."

"Nah. Some idiot in a mask shot at us and blew 'em up." Luffy frowned. Why had that guy shot at them, anyway? They weren't doing anything wrong. "They should be okay for a bit, though- Ruatha, Drifter, and Geier went after them. But we should go too; they might not be able to bring Jones and Usopp back by themselves."

He _had_ to believe that his quartermaster and his gunner would be alright, that it was just a matter of finding them and pulling them back aboard. He _had_ to. Because otherwise…

Luffy _really_ wished Jones would stop doing these things. There was only so much of his crewmates nearly dying when he couldn't help them that he could take.

"Mask…?" The sky knight smacked a hand into his face, gauntlet meeting helm with a mighty clang. His voice came out an irritated hiss. "Of all the… Attacking innocent Blue Sea dwellers who have _nothing to do with_ …"

Sighing, the knight reached awkwardly around and began fiddling in one of his saddlebags. It was kind of funny to watch- they clearly weren't meant to be accessed while his mount was in bird form. Pulling out a shiny thing dangling from a string, he cleared his throat.

"Normally I charge for these, but since you're new here and obviously in distress…" The knight shot a glance at Toma as the boy leaned dazedly against the mast. "My name is Gan Fall, knight of the sky, and this is my partner Pierre. This whistle will call us, wherever we may be."

He passed the whistle to Luffy. Which… The rubber boy's first instinct was to say _No thanks_ , that they didn't need help, but… They were in the sky, and their dragon wasn't big enough to carry people yet. Having a flying person they could call if they needed help was probably a good thing.

"Thanks, Knight Fall!" Luffy hung the whistle around his neck. It made a cool necklace, so shiny it was almost white.

Then Lisa came scrambling over. Her eyes were wet; worry rolled off her in waves. But no sadness, which was odd. Luffy was always confused when people's faces didn't match their emotions. The little girl thumped against Pierre's feathery flank, clinging to one of Gan Fall's legs.

"Please, Mister Knight Sir, can you go after Jones and Usopp too?" Lisa pointed in the direction that so many people had flown off in as of late. She sniffled as she continued. "It's just… Ruatha and Geier aren't big enough to pick up _people_ …"

"Of course, little one. I'll see if I can find your friends." Gan Fall patted Lisa on the head; Pierre turned from a bird back into a winged horse. Hooves clacked on wood as the horse-bird jumped onto the rail in preparation to take off.

"Now, before I go, I should warn you. Blue Sea dwellers often have trouble brea-!"

"Breathing?" Nami interrupted, one hand on her hip. Gan Fall paused and nodded. Luffy's sailing master smirked. "Yeah, we already noticed. Most of us are getting used to it though, more or less. It's a little weird… But we'll be okay."

The sky knight looked taken aback. "Unusual," he muttered. "Then again, it's been a while since I had anything to do with Blue Sea dwellers, so I may have forgotten some things… Well, if you're certain…"

"We'll be alright," Luffy confirmed. "But if you could go try and find Jones and Usopp, that'd be great. I… don't know how quick we can reach them, and I don't want them to fall…"

"Of course, of course. My apologies for the delay." Clicking his tongue, Gan Fall nudged Pierre's flanks. The horse-bird whickered and leapt into the air, great pink wings opening wide as the pair shot away. The wind carried Gan Fall's voice back to the ship as he and his partner shrank away from view.

"Remember- just whistle if you need anything!"

Luffy nodded, even though he knew the old man wouldn't be able to see. He'd remember… Although he'd try to make sure his crew didn't need anything.

Shaking himself, Luffy looked around. "Alright! All hands on deck! We've gotta head after them too!"

"AYE-AYE CAPTAIN!"

Everyone shouted in unison as they scrambled to their positions- except Toma, who was still sitting by the mast. He couldn't scramble anywhere, not with Chopper watching him like that. And Ghin, who was still missing… Luffy was starting to get worried on that front. He knew Ghin wouldn't have left the ship, but… Why had he disappeared?

 _Merry_ turned slowly as everyone got to work. With a number of the crew missing or injured, she felt noticeably different as she moved- or maybe that was the clouds being different than the ocean they were used to sailing on. Luffy thought both, actually.

In Ghin's absence, the captain took his rigger's usual place aloft. Which… How was Ghin going to keep doing that with only one arm? Luffy knew you could still be a pirate with only one arm- Shanks did it, after all- but being a rigger specifically… Tying all the knots and climbing around all the time was a _lot_ easier with two hands.

They hadn't sailed very far when Ghin reappeared from below decks, climbing awkwardly with something large tucked into his jacket. His skin was pale and sweaty; once back on deck, the rigger collapsed in a heap and panted. He wasn't up for that sort of thing yet. Worried, Luffy dropped from the lines.

"Ghin… Where'd you go? You should rest." The rubber boy placed a hand on his rigger's head and rubbed gently. So soft… Ghin's hair was unusually fluffy, for being so short. Made Luffy wonder what the rest of his crewmates' hair felt like.

He should check. Later.

"Needed a way to check on Jones and Usopp." Propping himself up against Nami's tangerine pots, Ghin undid his jacket and pulled the large lump out. It was a brown and tan den-den mushi- one of the ones Jones had gotten in Alabasta. Despite his worries, Luffy beamed.

"You can call them and see if they're alright?"

"Assuming Jones' main snail is awake, yeah." Setting the den-den on his knee, Ghin awkwardly dialed a string of numbers. Luffy frowned, trying to memorize them in case he ever needed to call Jones in the future.

 _Puru-puru-puru-puru. Puru-puru-puru-puru. Puru-puru-puru-puru. Puru-puru-puru-puru. Puru-puru-puru-puru._

The snail rang for a _long_ time. Long enough that Luffy started to get worried again. He bit his lip as he stared at the mollusc. And then, finally…

 _Ka-clik_.

"Can you call back later, Sabo? Now's not a good time." The snail's expression was scrunched up in a good impression of Jones' frustrated expression.

Ghin stared flatly at the den-den mushi. "I'm not Sabo."

"Oh." Jones sounded sheepish now. "Sorry… I forgot you knew my number… What's up?"

"Where _are_ you guys?" Luffy butted in, unable to help himself. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Usopp and I are… Alive," was Jones' hesitant answer. "Okay is… debateable, but it's something I think we can get out of. We're… Gonna be making a slight detour, but we'll meet you in Upper Yard. Don't worry."

"Upper Yard?" Ghin demanded, "Where's that? How long 'til we get there?"

"It's part of the upper level… Of Skypiea proper. Don't worry about us; you need to get there. We'll catch up soon." There was a loud, incomprehensible burst of noise; the snail flinched. "Sorry, but I've gotta go. Shit's going down that shouldn't be. Remember, Upper Yard!"

 _Ka-clik!_ Jones didn't give them a chance to respond before she hung up. Luffy scowled at the den-den mushi. That was _rude_.

Ghin let out a grumbling sigh. "At least they're alive. And close enough, I guess."

All around them, the ship had gone still. Everyone had paused to listen to the call, faces showing varying degrees of relief. Chopper was outright beaming, his hooves shaking. Zoro placed a hand on Luffy's head, flattening his hat into his hair.

"So… Which way? Follow them, or look for this Upper Yard place?"

Well… That was actually pretty easy. If Jones and Usopp were alive, and expecting to meet them in Upper Yard, then by the time the _Going Merry_ got to wherever they were _now_ , the quartermaster and sniper might be gone. So it made more sense to go to the place they expected to meet and look for them, then backtrack later if they had to.

"We'll go find this Upper Yard thing," Luffy decided. "Jones said there was some bridge somewhere, right? So we need to find that. If she'n Usopp are okay, I trust them to meet us there."

Nodding absently, Zoro looked around. "A bridge up to the next level, huh? Sounds easy enough. All we need to do is head north."

Over by the base of the mast, Toma groaned. He reached up to rub his temples, although one hand immediately pulled back on feeling the wounds on that side of his head. "With all due respect, Sensei…"

"Mhmm?" Zoro turned to look at his apprentice. The boy went completely deadpan.

"You're an idiot."

Lisa nodded in agreement. "North and up aren't the same thing _at all_. That's why _Nami_ navigates."

The tips of Zoro's ears turned faintly red. Grumbling something about not hitting people who were in no state to defend themselves, the bosun wandered off to polish his swords.

Nami tapped impatiently at the corner of one of her maps. "The only problem is, even I _can't_ navigate if I have no idea where we're trying to go. If we got close enough to the cloud bridge I could find it, maybe, but that still requires me knowing which direction to start _looking_."

For several minutes, everyone was quiet. If they'd been able to see the sky properly, maybe their sailing master could've done something with the position of the sun, but… They couldn't see the sun from here. Just vague, diffuse light through the clouds. And Nami's log pose was pointing too much _up_ still for them to get a reliable direction off of it.

Luffy thought he heard a cricket chirp in the silence. But no, it was just Yosaku adjusting something on his sprayer.

After a few minutes, Toma frowned up at the sky. "Jones-senpai… She said there were _people_ in this Skypiea place, right?"

Sanji nodded, lighting a cigarette. "Yeah… Both some shitty bastards for us to fight, and some less shitty non-bastards who could help us figure out those shell dial things. Why?"

Zoro's apprentice looked thoughtful, gazing at a specific cloud formation a little to starboard. "I… Not _every_ person has one, but the lights are _usually_ attached to people. It's worth a try…" Toma's eyes flickered to a patch of empty air by the door to the galley on the word _usually_. Luffy wondered what that was about.

Apparently, so did the rest of his crew. Especially Chopper. The little reindeer cantered worriedly to Toma's side, placing one hoof on the boy's forehead. "You don't feel feverish, and I don't think anything's infected… But you're seeing lights? Where? What do they look like? How long has this been happening?"

"Since _before_ I got hurt," Toma insisted quietly. "It… I noticed it around when we left Asuka Island- sometimes, people and objects just _glow_. Always different colours… But I don't know what they mean…"

The boy shook his head, wincing as that aggravated his injury. Then he pointed at the cloud formation he'd been staring at, starboard and up. "There's one up there- a _really_ bright one. White-gold. I… can't tell if it's a person or not, though."

Toma's words were followed by another long silence. And more chirping noises as Yosaku absently fiddled with his sprayer. Luffy… Wasn't sure whether to be worried or not. Seeing things that weren't there was usually a bad thing, right? But what if whatever Toma was seeing _was_ there, and most people just couldn't see it?

Ah, well, even if there was something to worry about, once they knew what it was, they could fix it.

Nami rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Well… I mean, it's not what I'd _usually_ chose as a form of guidance, but we don't really have any _other_ clues. So why the Hell not? Sure, let's follow the glowing lights in the sky that only Toma can see. We've done weirder things."

So saying, Luffy's sailing master took the helm. "Alright everyone, let's move. I hope this works."

"Yes!" Luffy bounced into the rigging to adjust the sails. "Island in the sky!"

Everyone else who was capable of it got to their posts. Not all with his enthusiasm, but… Eh, they'd come around. Once the crew was reunited, they could kick lightning bastard ass, then have a great party _in the sky_. This was so cool. Slightly worrying- Luffy was anxious to get his crew back together as soon as possible- but cool.

Now if only they could call Drifter like they could call Jones… Ah, but otters had good noses, right? So he could probably sniff people out. It'd be okay. Or at least, that's what Luffy kept telling himself as the _Going Merry_ slowly turned and skated across the clouds.

As they drew nearer, the odd cloud formation resolved itself into something resembling a tangled lump of spaghetti. One strand rose up from the rest to disappear into the cloud layer above. Down at the base, level with the _Merry_ , was an archway that held a set of intricately-wrought gates made of some pearly substance. A small, humanoid shape stood on a lump of clouds beside them.

The gates were open.

Closer still and it became obvious the human shape was a little old woman. Small and wrinkled like a raisin, her silvery hair was done up in two tight buns. A pair of white wings sprouted from her back. Like the man who'd attacked the _Going Merry_. Unlike that attacker, though, the little old lady was dressed in a pink smock that wouldn't have looked out of place in a shop in the East Blue.

A little out of style, said Luffy's inner Makino, but not out of place.

The little old lady didn't say anything as the _Going Merry_ drew ever closer to her location. She _did_ , however, raise up an oddly-shaped shell and click it several times. It gave off strange, small flashes. Luffy wondered what it was for; the flashes weren't enough to blind anyone or anything.

There was awkward silence as the _Going Merry_ came right up beside the old woman's cloudy pier. For a moment, both sides just stared at each other. Then Nami waved.

"Hi! This, uh… Is this the way to Skypiea?"

"Yes."

Well, this old woman wasn't very talkative, was she? Luffy frowned. But she wasn't lying…

"So…" Nami fiddled with a section of her Clima-Tact. "Can we just… go through? How does this work?"

"The entry fee is 1,000,000,000 extols per person."

"WHAT?!" Nami's jaw dropped to the deck. When she brought it back up, her eyes were glowing faintly red. "That's highway robbery!"

Shrugging, the old woman continued to stare at them with blank, uninterested eyes. "That's the toll."

"There's no way we can afford that with a crew of our size!" Nami switched from shouting to pouting. "Can't we have a group discount?"

"No."

Groaning, Nami turned to look at the rest of the crew. "Does anyone know what the exchange rate is between beri and these extol things? Although with an amount that high, I don't think it matters…"

No one spoke up. Which wasn't surprising; none of them had ever been to an island in the sky before. Luffy shrugged helplessly at his sailing master. He didn't particularly care about this stuff; it sounded like money and math. Nami and Jones cared about those things; not him. Not usually, anyway.

Nami sighed and turned back to the old woman, a frown creasing her face. "Look… We're pirates. We don't have to pay your toll if we don't want to. So we'll be heading up now; stop us if you dare."

"Okay." The old woman shrugged and wandered over to a chair. Her flat, uninterested stare never left her face as she settled down.

"WHAT?!" Nami's jaw dropped again. Her eyes were glowing _bright_ red this time as she yelled. "You're not even going to bother _trying_? What's the point in _having_ a gatekeeper and a toll, then?!"

Once more, the old woman shrugged. "I don't know. But it's not like I could stop you, so go right ahead."

"Er… Okay… Thanks…" Nami's voice was small and confused. Luffy reached out to place a hand on his sailing master's shoulder as everyone got ready to sail up the spaghetti clouds. Then…

"What's the catch?"

Lisa leaned on the rail, shooting a piercing stare at the old woman. The gatekeeper, for her part, looked highly uncomfortable receiving such a look from a twelve-year-old girl.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you do." Lisa scowled. It was adorable; Luffy just wanted to scoop her up and cuddle her. So he did. Which made the little painter pout, although she didn't break eye contact with the old woman even for a second as she continued talking.

"Like Nami said… There's no point in having a gatekeeper if you can sail through without paying the toll and face no consequences. There _has_ to be a catch. And I'm insulted that you thought you could get away without telling us." Lisa's pout hardened into a glare. Which didn't make her any less adorable, so Luffy kept snuggling. "We're young, not stupid."

Luffy jerked in surprise. He… hadn't thought of that. Which he _should_ have. It was just like the nobles in Goa; even the ones who did charity work, claimed to be helping the people of the lower classes… They always expected something in return.

A heavy sigh; the old woman slumped in her chair. "Fine. You got me. Snotty brats…" Leaning forward, she placed her elbows on her knees. "I can't stop you from going through without paying. If you do, though, you'll be branded as fugitives and hunted down by the White Berets and the Priests."

Well, that didn't sound good. Although Luffy was confident his crew could take anyone who came after them- especially if they knew people were coming. Still, it would be annoying.

Nami didn't seem to think it was worth the risk. Returning to the rail, Luffy's sailing master glowered down at the gatekeeper. Her eyes were starting to glow red again. "Will you tell us the exchange rate between beri and extol?"

"Yes."

There was a momentary pause. When the old woman didn't offer up any more information, Nami sighed, her eyes glowing brighter. "What _is_ the exchange rate?"

"10,000 extol for 1 beri."

"That means… 100,000 beri per person to enter legally?" Nami thought for a moment. "That's… still expensive with a crew of our size. But at the same time… We should try to avoid unnecessary fights right now."

Right… Luffy winced. When he'd thought about being attacked randomly as "annoying," he'd been thinking with everyone at full strength. As they were now… He was still confident they could _win_ , but it would be a lot riskier. Bowing his head, the rubber boy turned to his sailing master.

"If we can afford to pay, we should. I don't want people getting hurt again so soon. Don't wanna lose anybody…"

Nodding, Nami strode off to the galley and the small safe that was their treasury. She was muttering to herself the whole time. "Eleven people on the ship right now… That's 1,100,000 beri… 100,000 beri per person; it's the same as the cost for an adult _back then_ …"

When she returned a moment later, Nami was frighteningly pale. She was shaking; her left hand strained as it clutched a small bundle of bills and coins. The sailing master looked like she might vomit, her eyes blown wide.

"We… don't have enough."

"What?" Luffy blinked in surprise. Setting Lisa down, he moved over to hug Nami. She looked like she needed a hug. "What do you mean?"

Whatever had Nami scared had to be _bad_ \- she didn't relax at _all_ as Luffy hugged her. "The cost for everyone on the ship right now is 1,100,000 beri. We… Only have 800,000. We're almost broke… And we're three people short."

It was telling of how frightened she was that Nami didn't even ask who'd been spending all their money or try to figure out where it had gone. She seemed in a daze, barely registering the world around her. When a line came loose to fall and drape over her head, she flinched at the sound.

Oh dear… This… This was reminding her of what happened to her mother, wasn't it? Luffy rubbed Nami's shoulders soothingly- that was how you helped people relax, right?

"It'll be fine. We'll pay for everyone we can, and the rest of us will hide or fight or something. Everyone'll be okay."

Still shaking, Nami made a small squeaking noise. Then… "What- What about the ones who aren't on the ship?"

"It's Jones, Usopp, Ruatha, Drifter, and Geier." Luffy continued rubbing. "They're good at the sneaky ninja spy stuff; they'll be fine. Those White Bay guys will never even know they're around."

Zoro nodded. The bosun folded his arms, face creased with a determined scowl. "I'll be one of the ones we don't pay for. My leg's not that bad; I can fight just fine."

Chopper looked like he wanted to protest that. But a whimper from Toma and a stifled groan from Ghin made the doctor freeze. Furry ears laid flat. Because… Zoro _was_ one of the less injured members of the crew, and strong enough that he could fight despite his wound.

Sanji huffed, chomping on the butt of his cigarette. "If Moss Brain's going in as an outlaw, I will too. Wouldn't do to have one of the lovely ladies in the middle of any upcoming madness, now would it?"

Luffy got the feeling that if Jones were there, she might've kicked Sanji for that comment. As it was, Lisa and Robin both looked tempted, and Nami probably would've been too if she'd been in her right mind.

"And me makes three." Because like Hell was Luffy putting another member of his crew in danger when he was fully capable of taking the target on his own back. Probably the _most_ capable, from what Jones had said- his chest still hurt, but at least he was immune to one of the bastards who'd be after them. Apparently.

Immune meant the bastard's powers wouldn't hurt him, right? Luffy was pretty sure he knew that word- it was one Sabo used to use a lot- but pretty sure wasn't _completely_ sure.

"But-!" Nami squeaked again, although she didn't seem capable of putting words together. Luffy gave her shoulders a final squeeze before removing his hat and placing it on his sailing master's head.

"We'll be fine. You'll see. You won't have to lose any of use again. I promise."

In lieu of answering, Nami shoved the money into his hand and tugged his hat low over her ears. Luffy patted her gently on the head before turning to look down at the old gatekeeper.

"Here you go! We're gonna pay for most of us, but me, Zoro, and Sanji are gonna be fugitives, 'cause we don't have enough money!" Luffy tossed the cash to the old woman, gesturing to himself, his bosun, and his cook so there'd be no confusion as to who was supposed to be attacked.

The old woman picked up the money and counted it. Then she looked up at the ship and counted the people on deck. "Okay. Have a nice day."

Well, that was underwhelming. Luffy shrugged as his crew took their positions and set sail once more. What an odd woman.

And an odd word. Luffy had heard people call things overwhelming before, and underwhelming too, but never just whelming. What would a whelming situation be, anyway? Shaking his head, the rubber boy derailed that train of thought before it started to make his brain hurt. If a whelming situation ever came up, someone would tell him. Then he'd know. Problem solved.

The _Going Merry_ slowly rose higher and higher as they sailed her through the spaghetti-like bridge of clouds. Breathing became slightly more difficult again, although nothing too bad. They'd adjust soon enough. Luffy hung upside down from the lines, rocking back and forth. This was so cool… Island in the sky!

Below him, Lisa was frowning at Robin. "Why didn't you say anything about the old woman? You must've known she was hiding stuff too."

The archaeologist shrugged. "I wasn't sure it mattered." She closed her eyes and looked away, voice going quiet. "I've been on the run for most of my life; almost _everything_ has some element of danger, hidden or no. I suppose I've grown so used to people trying to trick me that I didn't think it relevant."

"That's sad," Lisa stated bluntly. "I… I could fix it for you, that jaded suspicion. It wouldn't take much. But… I won't do it unless you ask."

"Thank you." Robin took a step away, then hesitated. "It's… more courtesy than most show, your reluctance to alter my emotions without my permission."

She moved away quickly after that, not giving Lisa a chance to respond. The little girl stared after her sadly for a moment. Then, shaking herself, Lisa headed over to the lead line- only to stop with a frown.

"I… don't think I'll be _able_ to find the depth here," the little girl muttered. "The line's not long enough. Oh well." Sighing, Lisa wandered off to renew some damaged paint on _Merry_ 's figurehead.

Over the next few minutes, the ride got… _weird_. Luffy held tight to the lines, keeping an eye on his crewmates to make sure they didn't fall off as _Merry_ listed far to one side, then the other, then pitched forward, then flung back nearly vertical. The cloudy path they were following was less a bridge than it was a rollercoaster. It was _fun_ \- and a little concerning. Luffy felt a wave of relief about a third of the way through the bumpy ride, when Ghin and Toma disappeared below decks at Chopper's insistence.

It almost felt like something had grabbed the ship and was dragging them along. Luffy was pretty sure _Merry_ couldn't sail that way on her own.

And then they levelled out in bright, piercing sunlight. Once more, the _Going Merry_ floated flat on a calm sea of clouds- although this time, she didn't come under attack. Instead, Johnny shouted excitedly.

"Land ho!"

"YES!" Flipping down from the rigging, Luffy took off for the figurehead. He was careful not to touch Lisa's fresh paint- she said it dried fast, but he wasn't sure _how_ fast- as he hung on and leaned forward.

Sanji huffed and shook his head. "You shouldn't do that, Shitty Rubber. What if you fell off? You can't swim."

"Yeah. But that's okay." Luffy shot his cook a winning smile. "I know you guys'll get me out, so I'm not afraid."

"Heh. Stupid shithead." Sanji turned away with a huff. But while the cook's words were biting, Luffy could hear affection in them. Kind of like when Ace and Sabo used to yell at him for getting eaten by gators.

The beach before them wasn't made of sand; rather, as the _Going Merry_ drew close to shore, it was obvious that the "land" was really a weirdly thick cloud with the texture of heavy clay. There were a few plants growing from it as if it was real soil- green, pumpkin-like things, and a few small trees that were making a valiant, if sad, attempt at a jungle. In the distance, some ways behind the cloudy beach, a proper jungle rose high.

There was someone sitting on the beach. She was… Kinda familiar, although Luffy couldn't quite place from where. Slender and pale, with blonde hair and tiny, fluffy wings. Cool! Although… Luffy actually felt kinda bad for all these winged people they kept meeting. Even _he_ knew their wings were too small to let them fly. That had to be so _hard_ , having wings but not being able to use them.

" _Fancy brings a thought to me_

 _Of a flower rich and rare_

 _Its grace and beauty does combine_

 _So fancy and so fair_

 _'Twas of a maiden that I loved_

 _She was my happy lot_

 _Where we parted and she whispered,_

 _You'll forget me not"_

Music drifted over the waves. The girl was playing a small harp. Pretty music… Maybe _she_ could be his musician? Luffy liked that idea. He _really_ wanted a musician. Music was fun. Even sad music just made him so… happy. He wasn't sure why.

Sabo always said that was weird, but Sabo's head had been messed up by his evil snot-brain parents, so sometimes _Sabo_ was the weird one.

" _At length there came a happy day_

 _When something that I said_

 _Which caused her little murmuring lips_

 _To say that we should wed_

 _Down by a tiny little lot_

 _In a little garden spot_

 _There grows a tiny flower called_

 _the sweet Forget-me-not"_

A silver fox darted out of the greenery towards the girl. She never looked up from her playing, not even as the tiny creature scrambled up onto her shoulders and wrapped itself around her neck like a scarf. Which was… Surprising. Fox claws _hurt_ \- Luffy knew this from experience. _He_ sure would've been distracted if one of them started climbing him.

As they got closer to shore, Luffy could make out part of a small town between the scrubby trees. The road leading there, like the rest of the ground, appeared to be made of heavy clouds. As did the buildings. Even the curtains and decorations he could see hanging on the walls were sort of fluffy and washed out in colour, as if the fabric was made of strands of cloud too.

" _She's graceful and she's charming_

 _As the lily in the pond_

 _Time is swiftly passing by_

 _Of her I am so fond_

 _The daisies and the roses too were blooming round the spot_

 _Where we parted as she whispered,_

 _You'll forget me not"_

Sanji's eyes turned into glowing pink hearts as he glanced at the shore. "Who's she?" the cook asked excitedly. "She's gorgeous!"

"Mind outta the gutter, Shit Cook!" Zoro looked like the only thing keeping him from pounding Sanji into a pulp was the fact that he was in the process of dropping the anchor and would damage the ship if he abandoned his post too suddenly. It spoke volumes about Sanji's enthrallment that the cook didn't respond to the bosun's words.

It spoke even _louder_ volumes that Nami was still too distracted to tease or admonish Sanji. Instead, Luffy's sailing master was fiddling with the had he'd placed on her head.

For his part, Luffy didn't _really_ know the answer to Sanji's question. The girl's name and everything… They'd need to find that out later. Although she looked so familiar… Like a vision in pearly mist. But there was one thing he _did_ know about who she was-

"Musician candidate number one!"

" _We met I really don't know where but still it's all the same_

 _For Love walks in the busy street as well as in the lane._

 _She threw her arms around me_

 _I glanced at her a-shocked_

 _She dropped a flower I picked it up_

 _'Twas a sweet forget-me-not_

 _She's graceful and she's charming as the roses in the pond_

 _Time is swiftly passing by of her I am so fond_

 _The daisies and the roses too are blooming 'round the spot_

 _Where we parted and she whispered,_

 _You'll forget me n-!"_

"GUM-GUM ROCKET!"

Stretching out one arm, Luffy grabbed a tree and _fired_ himself at the beach. His course carried him into the clouds right at the harper girl's feet, without actually hitting her or her instrument. What? He'd been getting _much_ better at aiming lately. Although the angel on the beach certainly didn't seem to appreciate it…

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Jumping back, the girl grabbed something from her pocket and flung it at Luffy's head. Her eyes were scrunched tight in fear, though, and Luffy had enough experience with Nami winging bottles at people that he was used to dodging flying objects. He ducked his head as a small shell flew by. It exploded when it hit the ground, making him really glad he'd dodged.

"Who are you? Where'd you come from?" The girl had another shell in her left hand; her right still held her harp. On her shoulders, the silver fox snarled, baring tiny teeth.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn…"

"Hi! I'm Monkey D Luffy, future King of the Pirates! This is Skypiea, right? Can you tell us the way to Upper Yard?" As much as he wanted a musician, Luffy was a _little_ more concerned right now with finding his wayward crewmates. Not in the least because every time Jones wandered off, she managed to get in varying levels of shit.

Was this how Ace and Sabo always felt when they were worrying about _him_?

"Aie?" The angel blinked in disbelief, seemingly frozen. Then… "You _want_ to go to Upper Yard? Is- is that why some of you didn't pay the toll at Heaven's Gate?"

"Dunno what that has to do with Upper Yard," Luffy muttered. " _I_ just wanna go there 'cause that's where we're s'posed to meet Jones and Usopp. Where is it?"

By now, the rest of his crew were disembarking from the _Going Merry_. Luffy grinned; the angel girl, on the other hand, looked steadily more uncomfortable. And her fox looked like it was considering trying to rip someone's ankles off.

"I… Um… Upper Yard is where criminals go to be judged," the angel's voice was very small. She had yet to lower her shell. "God and his Priests demand it."

"Yeah, yeah, that's nice, don't care." Why should he worry about a bunch of priests of a god he didn't follow? If they got in his way, he'd just go around them or beat them up, depending if they were bad guys or not. "I just wanna know how to get there."

Then Luffy tilted his head to the side as something occurred to him. "You're… Conis, right?" He was pretty sure that was the name he'd heard in the Mists. Somewhere behind him, he heard Sanji give an interested squeak.

"Huh?" Once again, the angel was stunned for a moment. Or maybe she'd never stopped being stunned. "How- How did you know that?" Conis looked like she wanted to melt into the clouds and hide, like she was being faced with a monster. But hadn't she been…? "I-If you just give me a m-minute, I can get someone who can take you to Upper Yard."

"Great! Thanks!" Luffy bounced eagerly in place. He didn't need to look back at his crew mates to know at least some of them were shaking their heads in exasperation. Although… What was with the malicious aura he could feel slowly growing around Nami?

 _FWEEEEEEEEEEET!_

Conis stuck two fingers in her mouth and let loose a piercing whistle. Then, taking a few _large_ steps back, she yelled at the top of her lungs.

"HELP! FUGITIVES! PIRATES! _GUARDS!_ "

Oh no. People calling for guards had never meant anything good before. Luffy slid into a fighting stance as he looked around desperately, wondering what direction the guards would come from. He wasn't a little kid anymore- he wouldn't let a few guards drive him off!

Anti-climactically, nothing immediately happened. It took several minutes for anyone to appear on the road from the nearby town, and several more for the small shapes to resolve themselves into uniformed figures that might have been guards. Luffy stood there awkwardly in a fighting position the whole time.

He could feel his crewmates sweatdrop simultaneously.

Jogging up, a few dozen men came to a halt behind Conis in perfect unison. They all wore identical pink shirts and light blue pants, with white berets pulled down over their right eyes. Their leader also had a turquoise coat, which he wore over his shoulders like a cape. Like Gramps… It nearly flew off as he snapped an odd salute.

Luffy had to fight not to laugh. It looked like the leader guy was giving himself bunny ears…

"Heso!" The lead soldier frowned in concern. "What seems to be the matter, Conis?"

"Heso, Captain McKinley." Half-turning, the angel pointed at Luffy and his crew. "It's… them."

"I see…" Captain McKinley scowled at the pirates- and at Luffy in particular. "Ruffians, cease and desist at once. A captain of the White Berets, I order you- leave this young woman alone and come with me. Peacefully. You must pay a 70,000,000,000 extol fine or be deported to Upper Yard."

Oh. That sounded alright. Luffy grinned. "Why would we pay you, then? I _wanna_ go to Upper Yard!"

McKinley froze, blinking at Luffy as if he was crazy. "You… _want_ to go to Upper Yard? _Why?_ "

"We're meeting my quartermaster and gunner there!"

Something clicked behind Luffy, pieces snapping together with an all-to-familiar sound. The vaguely malicious aura he'd felt growing around Nami burst into full-blown _rage_. It almost felt like someone had lit a fire at his back.

"You. You _put me through that_. You _made me think we needed to spend every beri we had_ , that it _still wouldn't be enough to protect everyone_ , when to get where we want to go, the fastest way was to _not pay at all_." Something was crackling around the end of Nami's Clima-Tact. _Loudly_.

" _ **YOU. ARE. A. MONUMENTAL. IDIOT!**_ "

 _ **CRR-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZRRRT!**_

Luffy leapt out of the way an instant before a _massive_ bolt of lightning stuck the spot where he'd been standing. And yes, he remembered Jones saying lightning wouldn't hurt him- or at least, he thought that might be what she meant- but there was one _big_ problem with that…

 _When lightning got big enough, it made heat too._ And burning _definitely_ hurt.

Ducking behind Captain McKinley, Luffy peered back at his sailing master over the angel soldier's wings. Nami was _livid_ , eyes glowing red, steam rising from her hair, teeth as sharp as a shark's. Everyone else was backing away from her- even Zoro. Lisa and Chopper were white as sheets as they stared at the infuriated redhead.

Hopefully all that steam didn't damage Hat.

"Right… Rubber." Nami muttered to herself. She shifted her hands on her weapon. "Immune to electricity. Gotta try something else… Blizzard Tempo!"

This time it was a wave of cold that fired out at Luffy. Shards of ice and snow. Curling into a ball, the rubber boy hid completely behind Captain McKinley, letting the startled soldier take the brunt of the attack. His troops too… Nami's new technique made a _big_ burst. Half a dozen angels were flash frozen- luckily, Conis wasn't one of them.

That was _dangerous_.

"Sorry!" Luffy uncurled to peek at Nami again. "I didn't know!"

"IDIOT! YOU AND JONES BOTH! SHE SHOULD'VE KNOWN! YOU SHOULD'VE ASKED!"

"Sorry!"

"BLIZZARD TEMPO!"

Luffy ducked another frigid attack. And he wasn't the only one. All the soldiers who hadn't yet been frozen hit the dirt, fumbling for their weapons. Conis spun on her heel and ran, her fox clinging tightly to her shoulders.

"You're under arrest for assaulting officers of the White Ber- GRK!" One soldier bravely tried to carry out his duty in his frozen captain's stead, rising and aiming a pistol at Nami. He halted in his tracks halfway to his feet as a blast of ice hit him in the face.

"Um…" Johnny fidgeted, staring at something on the sea. Luffy couldn't look, though; he was still busy dodging snowballs.

"YOU MADE ME RELIVE MY MOTHER'S DEATH FOR _NOTHING!_ " Nami's blizzards were mixed with lightning now. She was _really_ mad. How to calm her down, though?

"Um…" Johnny fidgeted again. He was sweating now, despite the plummeting ambient temperature.

Nami closed in, swinging her Clima-Tact at Luffy's head. He jumped out of the way, only to get hit in the stomach by the other end of the staff as Nami brought it around. It fired him a surprising distance backwards, although it didn't hurt much. The spiky bush she launched him into, though, _did_.

"UM!"

Freezing mid-stride, Nami turned to glare at Johnny. " _What?_ "

The blue hunter cowered momentarily, then straightened and set his jaw. He pointed out to see. "Big Sis… Is _Merry_ supposed to do that?"

"Do wha- _oh shit!_ " Nami's ire deflated like a punctured balloon. She stared in the direction Johnny was pointing; her red eyes quickly paled to white. " _Not again!_ "

Not again what? Finally free to look around, Luffy hauled himself out of the bush and glanced at the sea. Huh. _Merry_ was wandering off agai- oh wait. Last time this happened, Nami said that ships didn't just sail away on their own. Although this time, at least, it was pretty obvious who- or rather, what- was taking it. Red claws, like those of a lobster or a shrimp, gripped the hull of the ship securely as she sped away.

It was about that time that Luffy realized there were two faces missing from among his crewmates as well- or, well, two other than all the ones who had flown off. A sinking feeling worked its way up his spine.

And Yosaku seemed to notice too. The green hunter shifted guiltily as they stared at their retreating ship. "Um… Were Big Bro Ghin and Li'l Bro Toma still below?"

"Yup," Chopper confirmed dazedly. The little doctor looked like he wanted to ram his head into something. _Hard_.

It was Sanji who voiced what everyone was thinking as _Merry_ disappeared from view. "Well shit… What do we do now?"

 **-V-**

Geier was _livid_ as she rolled through the sky. Wide wings swiped through towering cloud formations, scattering them to the four winds. {{How did I lose a _fresh-faced hatchling_ who's barely been flying for _five minutes?!_ }} she raged. Drifter patted her neck.

{{Because he's four times your size with wings _built_ for active flight, while yours are meant for soaring?}}

{{Not helping!}}

{{Sorry.}} Drifter combed soothing paws through his partner's feathers. She crooned in flight, eyes sliding half-shut.

{{Besides… I can outfly almost anyone. Jays, falcons… Not hummingbirds though. Those little guys are _monsters_.}} Geier threw herself into a loop to emphasize her words. Her path carried them up, through the clouds, high above even the White Sea. Drifter flailed.

{{Wait! Go back down! We'll never find them up here!}}

Turning her head, Geier shot him a deadpan look. {{Could you smell any of them anywhere?}}

That made the otter fidget. {{No…}} he finally admitted. His partner clacked her beak.

{{And I couldn't see them. If they're beyond both our ranges, we'll never get to them in time to do any good.}}

{{So we're just abandoning them? The captain won't be happy. _I'm_ not happy.}} Drifter folded his arms and scowled. Geier rolled her eyes.

{{We're not abandoning them. I trust those three to find a way to survive. And Jones knows where everyone was headed- and island in the sky. She'll find a way up there, and drag Usopp and the brat with her. So we find this island and meet them there, then tell the others how to get there.}}

Wincing, Drifter rubbed one of his partner's wings. {{Sorry for doubting you. I should've thought of that.}}

{{You're getting attached,}} Geier observed drily. She snorted when Drifter stiffened. {{It's not a bad thing. They're good kids. And that's what I'm here for- even when your judgement might be compromised, mine _isn't_.}}

{{Are you saying you're _not_ getting attached?}} Now that they were clear of the twisting cloud formations of the White Sea, Geier felt like she could see forever. Flicking her wings, she popped into an aerial somersault that nearly flung Drifter off. He giggled.

{{I never said that!}} Spiralling upwards, Geier swept around in a wide arc to better get the lay of the clouds. {{I… I am. More than I like. Not always sure what to do with it. I just don't let that cloud my judgement like you emotional _mammals_ do.}}

{{And that's why we need each other.}} Now Drifter was doing a handstand on her back for no reason. Geier wished the otter would at least use a harness if he was going to do things like that.

{{Oh really?}} she snorted, amused. {{You need me because I fly and keep a cool head; why do I need you?}}

{{Swimming and opposable thumbs.}}

{{That… is a compelling argument.}} Chuckling, Geier caught a glimpse of something green on the horizon. She banked towards it; that was the only things she'd spotted since leaving the ship that looked _remotely_ like it could be called an island. And it grew more and more island-like as they got nearer, a small plot of land topped with a dense jungle and a towering beanstalk.

The beanstalk pierced an even _higher_ cloud that looked like it might have a small building on it. This truly was a _bizarre_ place.

{{Wow…}} Soaring overhead, Geier peered down through the trees. Broad rivers, huge beasts, a city glittering gold… Yeah, this had to be that Skypiea place. Full of treasure indeed; Nami would be thrilled. There was no way they could take more than a fraction of that with them.

Assuming the armed and funny-looking people living in a nearby stone temple would even let them near it all.

This place was beautiful. And so warm… It reminded Geier of the mountains in southern Newfin, where she'd been hatched. Where she'd learned to fly. Although… Above the clouds like this, she doubted those living _here_ ever had to deal with late winter snow.

{{Bogey, eight o'clock!}}

Drifter's tail prodded her side urgently. Geier didn't question it; she dropped into a steep dive as soon as her partner spoke. It had been a while since they'd been in a dogfight, but she'd hand enough years of practice that the movement was second nature. Flipping over right before hitting the trees, she skimmed low for a second before climbing sharply. Her flight carried her past a huge bird, large as a small boat, all decked out in flashy purple and gold feathers.

A southbird. An _enormous_ southbird.

{{I knew Teri and her kind were bad news,}} Geier grumbled, {{But did anyone listen to me? No.}}

{{I'm not sure that's the same species!}} was Drifter's quick reply as he drew his clam blades.

Which… was a fair assessment. Golden talons clipped Geier's tail as she darted past. The huge, banana-shaped beak opened in a hoarse scream.

 **{{GET OUT OF MY SKIES BLUE-SALT FEATHER RAT!}}**

{{Who are you calling a feather rat?!}} Geier wished she had her gun. If only that sword slinger hadn't broken it…

{{Horseshoes!}} Drifter flung his blades at the giant southbird; they clanged off its beak and rebounded. Geier flipped in the air, catching them in her talons before slashing their attacker with her beak. Her blow yanked a chunk of feathers from one purple wing.

{{Pluck!}}

 **{{GET OUT! MY SKY! MINE!}}**

{{No one owns the sky, asshole!}}

Geier rolled and wheeled, dropping the blades for Drifter to grab as she came around. She met the giant southbird talon to talon, tearing at its chest with her beak. And that was an area in which she had the advantage; it may have been larger and stronger, but it was _not_ a bird of prey. Its beak wasn't meant for fighting, nor could it turn properly to get at her anyway.

It helped that even the slightest turn of its head seemed to make the larger bird nauseous.

{{Bell Toll!}} Drifter flipped up to smack the southbird on the head with his tail. Combined with the directional issues, this was enough to make the southbird start trying to pull away.

Geier disengaged. Her specialty was ranged combat and hit-and-run tactics, not grappling. There was no point maintaining hold of a larger opponent once they started retreating- it was a good way to get herself and her partner killed.

{{Where too?}} Her wings ached. Geier wasn't used to spending so long at this high an altitude; every wingbeat was just that much harder than she was used to. She _could_ keep flying almost indefinitely, but it wouldn't be comfortable.

{{Let's look around in the woods,}} Drifter gestured downwards. {{It looks interesting, and there's lots of good hiding places. Exactly the sort of place Jones and Usopp would like.}}

{{Good point.}} Angling her wings, Geier began a long, spiralling descent into the trees. Dark green shadows rose up around her. Not the sort of terrain a vulture like her always preferred, but if it meant she didn't have to face down any more giants without a weapon, she would hide like a songbird. She wasn't proud.

 **-V-**

Of course, despite me giving it the same name, there were a few major differences between my Geppo and the proper version. The main one being that mine was a single use way to send myself careening through the sky like a rocket, rather than a controlled method of flight. And there was also the fact that for a few seconds afterwards, I lost control of the other forces I'd been playing with, so it took me a bit to catch my breath at this altitude…

I'd have to work on that.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Tears streamed behind us as Usopp panicked. His suddenly clinging tight to my neck didn't help with the breathing bit. "I REGRET ASKING YOU TO DO THIS!"

"At least we'll land somewhere you'll _live_ to regret it! Probably!" I rebalanced the air pressure around me, finally regaining my breath as I flailed. Just in time for…

SMA-THUD! CRNCH! FMM FMM-FMM-FMM-FMM! THWACK!

Usopp and I crashed into the ground heads first, setting us somersaulting across soft, light coloured soil. We rolled for quite a ways- which probably saved us, or at least him, from a nasty impact at the end when we came to a rest upside down against a rock. As it was, by then we'd dispersed enough momentum that we barely got a bruise.

It was a nice rock. Very big and square, dark grey and polished smooth. Higher up there were pictures; my dazed mind couldn't figure out what they were, though. Squiggly and strange… But also somehow familiar. I'd need to stand up and get a better look.

Of course, we were so dizzy from all that rolling, it still took Usopp and I a minute to collect ourselves and get up. And even when we did, we were all wrapped in parachute ropes… And each other.

"Usopp… Get your fingers outta my face."

"I can't! Not until I untie this knot that's got me stuck to your head. Speaking of which, I need you to move your left foot ten centimeters to the right so I can get the loop off it."

"My foot can't go anywhere. You're sitting on it."

Many sets of footsteps were rapidly approaching. Oh good; whatever island we'd landed ourselves on was inhabited. Maybe they could help us get to Skypiea. Usopp and I scrambled, finally managing to untangle ourselves and get to our feet.

 _Ka-clik._

Turning away from the rock- which, merde, I hadn't even gotten to examine yet- I found myself face to face with a dozen glaring, _heavily armed_ islanders. Whose dark skin and small, fluffy wings gave me some idea where Usopp and I had ended up. Pistols, spears, arrows, and a bazooka were all aimed directly at my chest.

The air vibrated with the sound of heavy wingbeats in the distance.

Meeping softly, Usopp hid behind me. Which must've looked funny, given that he was half a hand taller than I. Made it easy for him to peer fearfully over my shoulder, though.

Tabarnak. I'd pierced the bottom of the White-White Sea at some point. We were in the Shandian encampment.

"Who are you?" demanded the chief. The fur on his wolf headdress waved gently in the breeze. His accent was… familiar, but I couldn't quite place it.

A shot of fear went up my spine. Authority figure. I bit my lip and glanced at the ground- anything to avoid looking people in the eye. Which was when I confirmed that yes, we were definitely standing on island cloud.

"Um… Hi. I'm Jones, and this is Usopp."

"Jones…" the chief mused, "Usopp… What odd names. Where do you come from, Jones and Usopp? Why did you fall from the sky? Are you from another world?"

Well, that was the fastest anyone had ever caught on to me. Or… Wait. The White-White Sea was so high up, with few if any clouds rising higher… Skypieans and Shandians must be masters of astronomy. This was the perfect place for it. And with Enel's goal…

"Not- not exactly. Or, well, we don't come from one of the moons, if that's what you mean."

It apparently was. The chief took a threatening step forward, his grip on his spear tightening. "Then where _do_ you come from?"

Usopp meeped again, eyes fixed on the sharpened wood. Which appeared to have a Dial embedded just below the head; I wonder what that di- no. Focus. Opening my mouth to try and answer, I was interrupted by heavy wingbeats and a screaming white _streak_ across the sky.

"MONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Nothing quite knocks the anxiety out of you by being tackled by a dragon the size of a large dog. Usopp jumped out of the way as Ruatha knocked me onto my back- a move which nearly carried the gunner into the spear of a Shandian dressed in leopard furs. Not that the warrior noticed. No, all the Shandians were completely focused on my baby as he licked my face with all the eagerness of an untrained puppy.

"Monah! Fahvos hi drey lif zey?"

"Get off! I taught you better than that!"

Wide blue eyes stared at me sadly as Ruatha backed down. "Nuz… Zu'u drey kos vothni hi. Zu'u drey kos _zofaas_."

One of these days I really needed to learn my dragon's language. I just… didn't know where to start. Patting Ruatha on the head, I rolled back to my feet. My baby squawked with joy, clambering up to his favourite perch on my shoulders and wrapping himself around me like a giant, scaly scarf.

"I- You- _What is that?_ " The Shandian chief's eyes bugged out as he stared at my baby. I glanced up at the man as I rubbed Ruatha behind the ears.

"He's a dragon." Well, it looked like Millennial Dragon migration routes didn't pass anywhere near Skypiea, then.

Neither the chief nor any of his warriors seemed to know what to say about that. They just kept _staring_ , long enough that Usopp and I lost our fear. I, at least, was wondering if we could use the distraction to make a break for it; I _think_ Usopp was thinking the same. Although when the distraction was riding my shoulders, that tactic probably wouldn't work.

And then…

"A white feathered serpent…" breathed a small voice from somewhere behind the chieftain. "A scar-faced sun child. A long-nosed eagle with hair like a pyramid. Quetzalcoatl. Nanahuatzin. Ehecatl."

A small, dark-haired girl pushed her way through the frozen warriors. Aisa. Her words were enough to shake a few people out of their stupor; the chief reached forward and grabbed her arm.

"Aisa, stay back! They could be dangerous!"

"It's fine. They won't hurt me. Quetzalcoatl would never allow it." Aisa squirmed free and ran up to me. Stretching on her tiptoes, she reached to pat Ruatha's tail where it was dangling down.

My baby squawked and pulled the trailing appendage up and away.

Usopp shook, stepping in close beside me. He looked like he wanted to grab my hand, or maybe disappear into the rock behind us. Probably both. "I… You… Who're you talking about? What're those names? Can we just go? _Please?_ "

Aisa frowned, apparently unable to comprehend his questions. "What do you mean? They're _your_ names. And you can't leave; you just got here."

"That's _enough_ , Aisa." A vaguely familiar woman- my memory of this arc was fuzzy, but I think her name was Laki- darted forward and pulled the little girl back. "They said their names were Jones and Usopp."

"And what about the _serpent's_ name?" Aisa pouted. Laki shook her gently but was unable to answer the question.

"He's Ruatha," I offered. But the little girl just shook her head.

"No! His name is Quetzalcoatl, the Sun in Victory! And you're Nanahuatzin, the Sun Beginning! And the long-nosed one is Ehecatl, Maker of Winds!" Aisa was practically screaming by now.

Laki shook her again. "Aisa, be _quiet_. Why are you even out here? I told you to stay in the tent."

"But I wanted to _see_ them."

"See who?" A tall, dark figure emerged from behind the warriors. He shouldered his way between the one wearing jaguar furs and a woman dressed as a giant golden eagle. Removing the large, wooden mask he wore, the newcomer shook hit head to free the long tangle of braids pouring down his back.

Wyper.

Aisa squirmed free of Laki's hold and darted forward, grabbing Wyper's hand. "The gods!" she yelled gleefully, pointing at me, Ruatha, and Usopp. "The gods are here! Quetzalcoatl, Nanahuatzin, and Ehecatl! That means the age is about to turn again!"

"You've been listening to too many of old man Calli's fairy tales." Wyper tugged his hand free of Aisa's grip. "The gods don't exist; Noland proved that in Calgara's time. Go back to your tent."

"But they _do_ ," Aisa insisted, "Look!"

She pointed at- not me and Usopp, but the rock behind us. One by one, every Shandian looked up. Eventually, Usopp and I couldn't contain our curiosity anymore; we turned around to have a peek.

The gunner whistled, then squeaked. "Is that-? Wow…"

"Mu los frahkei…" Ruatha trilled, eyes going wide.

And… while my eyes physically _couldn't_ go as wide as my dragon's they were making a pretty valiant attempt. Because that rock Usopp and I crashed into earlier? I could make out the pictures now.

There were hundreds of figures, animal and human, carved in worn, mossy stone. The style was similar to some Aztec art I'd seen in a museum when I was young, but not exactly the same. More _real_ somehow; I don't know how to describe it. And while most of these figures were just that- figures- three of the ones nearest the center of the stone made my heartrate speed up.

A feathered serpent with a flowing mane. A scarred, androgynous person with ragged sleeves and a coiled, thorny bundle of weapons. A crouching man with a long nose, wind whipping his long, curly hair into intricate shapes.

Tabarnak.

Wyper hissed. "Why do we even still have that around? It's been ages since we believed those foolish stories."

"Maybe that's why we lost Shandora…"

Dead, muffled silence fell after Aisa's words. Everyone in sight turned to look at her in a single synchronized movement. The little girl was staring up at the rock, her eyes watering. "Maybe… Maybe if we hadn't lost the gods, they wouldn't have let false ones take our home."

"Those trees were _killing our people_ ," Wyper snapped. "And sacrificing our sons and daughters to _giant snakes_ was only making it go _faster_. Those _fairy tales_ caused us nothing but trouble."

Usopp looked at me in confusion. "What's going on here? I'm confused."

"Long story." I shrugged. "I don't know all of it. But in the past, their ancestors were plagued by some sort of virus or fungus from some infected trees they believed were some sort of connection to the afterlife. The explorer Montblanc Noland saved them by cutting down the trees and burning them; ever since, the Shandians have lost faith in the gods. It's part of why they're so angry that Enel the Pretender has set himself up in their old city as a false god."

"Oh…" Usopp rubbed his nose. "Enel… That's the guy Luffy's gonna beat up, right?"

"Yep."

The Shandians were quiet again, staring once more. Laki blinked so slowly and heavily it sounded like window shutters being slammed in the silence. "How did she know that?"

"Because they're _gods_ ," Aisa insisted. "They've come to help us remove Enel- they said so themselves!"

Usopp jerked, stepping back until his spine was pressed against the stone. The gunner flailed wildly. "What? No! We never said anything like that!"

"But… You just said someone named Luffy was going to beat up Enel…" Aisa looked like she was going to cry now.

"Listen to me." Wyper crouched down in front of Aisa, resting his burn bazooka on the ground beside him as he looked the little girl in the eye. "They are _not_ gods. There's no such _thing_ as gods. You need to stop listening to fairy tales and _quiet down_ before Enel hears this and finds us again."

"He can't…" Aisa whimpered, rubbing her eyes. "I can't hear him."

"But that doesn't mean he can't hear _you_."

"Actually, it does." Yet another newcomer approached, this time someone I didn't recognize. An elderly man, even more so than the chief, dressed in clothing that looked like it was made of the shed skin of one of Shandora's great serpents. "Her mantra is going stronger every day. Aisa has been able to hear all the way to Ancient Shandora for over a week."

"Calli." Wyper got to his feet, nodding towards the newest arrival. He made no attempt to disguise his distaste. "You should be in your tent. These intruders may be dangerous."

"And if they are, Aisa will give us plenty of warning and you'll deal with it." The old man stepped forward, limping. He leaned on a staff carved in the shape of a great snake. These Shandians sure knew how to stick to a theme.

Forcing a sigh out through his nose, Wyper closed his eyes. His next words were ground out between gritted teeth. "Get back, old man. Let us handle this."

"Oh, come on. Settle down Wyper." Calli didn't have any interest whatsoever in getting back. No, he was limping his way into my personal space, forcing me to back into Usopp. Ruatha hissed at the intrusion. Calli tapped him on the nose; my dragon snarled and snapped.

"You think they're not gods; Aisa thinks they are. I'm just suggesting that we _test_ , that we can know for sure."

"Foolishness." Wyper scowled and snorted. "There's no test that could determine that, because there's _no such thing as gods_. You're going senile, old man."

"And you're neglecting all the other stories to focus on one." Calli shook his head. "Look, I'm just saying we should take them to the trial site and test them. Or… I suppose we could do it here."

To everyone's surprise, the old man whipped out a short knife with an obsidian blade. He was so close to me, there was no way to dodge, barely any time to react. Even Wyper- who probably was all for killing me, Usopp, and Ruatha- could only let out a hiss of surprise.

 _Fwip-ting!_

A mallet shot out just before the blade stung my face, knocking it out of the old man's hand. Usopp didn't even seem aware of his own actions, eyes blown wide and white- almost as pale as his knuckles as they gripped the handle of his small, unlikely weapon.

Calli's knife spun through the air. It thudded to a halt against the carved stone, its obsidian blade shattering on the impact. Shards of black glass sprinkled on my head. Calli grinned.

"Fast… As the god of winds should be."

"That proves nothing!" Wyper's snarl hurt my ears. The berserker slammed his fist against his wooden mask, hoisting his bazooka and aiming it at us. "Step aside Calli. These are Blue Sea dwellers; I've seen their ship. Let me deal with them."

Calli didn't look like he was going to move; Laki grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the way. The chief held onto Aisa to keep her from running in as well. The little girl had tears in her eyes as she screamed.

"NOOOOOO!"

"Burn Bazooka: Explode!"

A shell fired out of the muzzle- like, and actual shell-shell, although I guess in this case it was an artillery shell too. Ruatha let out a high-pitched keen as he constricted around my shoulders; Usopp squeaked and threw his mallet. The little hammer bounced off Wyper's shoulder; the berserker didn't pay it any mind.

I grabbed the shell as it flew at us, a jarring impact that sang up my arm. It took my breath away for a moment. Then it exploded, shaking my control loose even more. Smoke and shards of calcium carbonate filled the thin- very thin- air. Usopp coughed; I would have, had I been able to breathe. By the time I'd managed to regain my control over the air pressure, the debris had settled and the air was clear.

And Wyper was staring at me like I'd just morphed into Cthulhu right in front of him.

Calli wore the biggest shit eating grin I'd ever seen on an old man's face. "The speed of the wind, the endurance of the sun, and a white feathered serpent. _Now_ will you test them properly?"

Wyper's eyes blazed. He looked like he was about to try and rip someone's head off- Calli's, mine, Usopp's, I couldn't be sure. The chief released his hold on Aisa to instead grab hold of Wyper's shoulder.

"They _are_ unusual. We should at least find out _why_." The chief shook Wyper gently, trying to bring the berserker back to his senses. "You take them. Tomorrow morning, take them to the lake of the gods. I know you know the way."

He was giving Wyper an admonishing, slightly exasperated look- the berserker may know the way to this place, but it wasn't because he was supposed to. Wyper pulled away roughly; looking away. The chief frowned.

"And Wyper… That is _all_ you are to do. No running off half-cocked to attack Enel just because I'm letting you go to Upper Yard. If you see him, I want you to _retreat._ "

"Fine." Wyper grit the word out like it hurt him. He still couldn't meet the chief's eyes. "Can I at least bring some reinforcements? In case we run into other trouble, or the Blue Sea dwellers try to escape."

"Who?"

"Laki, Kamakiri, Braham, and Genbo."

The chief hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Very well. But my orders stand- if you see Enel or any of his priests, you are to come _straight. Home_. Is that clear?"

"Yes _sir_."

Slinging his bazooka over his shoulder, Wyper grabbed my arm. The berserker dragged me away from the god stone, past the ring of warriors into the encampment proper. I couldn't resist without dropping my control over air pressure; this need to breathe was leaving me pretty helpless.

Usopp squawked and flailed as he followed along. "Hey! What're you doing?"

"Tomorrow I take you three to Upper Yard to test your _divinity_ ," Wyper snarled. "Until then… Even if you _are_ gods, you still have physical form. Chains should hold for one night."

He shoved me roughly into a tent on the edge of the encampment, grabbing Usopp before the gunner could flee and dragging him in too. Ruatha squawked in protest and opened his mouth to scream, but one of Wyper's glares shut my baby up tight.

The berserker shoved Usopp and I down around the tent pole, manacling our hands behind our backs. At first Wyper seemed somewhat confused by what to do with Ruatha; eventually, he clipped one end of a manacle around my baby's leg and the other around the pole.

"Don't try to escape." Wyper paused just before he left the tent. "If it were up to me, you'd stay like this until dawn. But since I know Aisa will at the very least come and try to feed you… Hurt her, and no power between the sun, moon, and stars will be able to save you. Gods or no."

He stormed off, the tent flap snapping shut in his wake. Usopp, Ruatha, and I were left in the dark, surrounded by dense cloud and heavy leather. And weakness was starting to seep up my arms, into the rest of my body. Heavy, pervasive weakness that brought with it a sense of impending doom, and made my limbs feel like nothing more than limp noodles. My breath came in rapid pants as I started to lose control over the air pressure around my head.

Tabarnak. Kairoseki.

"Manacles," I gasped out, "Seastone." Then I fell over- as much as I could, anyway, with my hands bound around a thick wooden pole.

Usopp yelped. "Oh crap! What do I do? What do I do?! _WhaddoIdo?!_ "

Puru-puru-puru-puru.

The pocket that I kept Samsung in was starting to ring. Even if I hadn't been slowly asphyxiating, though, neither Usopp nor I was in a position to answer it. I gulped at the air, not quite short enough of oxygen to die, but far, _far_ too close for comfort. My chest started to hurt.

Puru-puru-puru-puru.

"Jones! You need to calm down!" Usopp's voice was shaking as he tried to coach me through it. The gunner had broken out into a cold sweat. "Deep, slow breaths- you'll get better air that way!"

Unfortunately, while Usopp's advice would've been great if I was having a panic attack, it didn't prove so helpful here. No change in the pace of my breathing could fix the fact that there just _wasn't enough air_ for me. How could the people of this world adjust so quickly? Why was I so weak?

Puru-puru-puru-puru.

Samsung, both concerned and eager to deliver its message, hand managed to worm its way out of my pocket and was now sitting on the clouds in front of me. At first the little snail almost looked _frustrated_ that I wasn't picking up. Then it saw how much trouble I was having breathing and its eyes went wide with _panic_. But it was just a regular den-den mushi; no matter what Samsung was feeling, it could do nothing but continue to ring and squirm around.

Puru-puru-puru-puru.

Usopp's hands being bound around a pole behind him didn't prevent him from snapping his fingers as his face lit up with realization. "Wait- that seastone stuff only makes you weak if it's touching you- same as seawater, right? So if I can get some sort of padding in between the manacles and your wrists, you can use your powers again!"

That… Would probably work. It was worth a try anyway. I nodded mutely, the seizing muscles in my torso making me want to vomit.

Usopp tugged at his own manacles a few times but was unable to get his hands free to go through his bag. For a moment, the gunner looked around in panic; then his eyes fell on my baby. "Hey! Ruatha! Can you open my bag and find the scraps I use for mending sails?"

"Geh!"

Puru-puru-puru-puru.

Ruatha yanked Usopp's bag open- possibly damaging the clasp in the process- and shoved his head inside. A few seconds later, my baby remerged triumphantly, a large wad of colourful cloth clutched in his jaws. Usopp beamed.

"Good boy! Now, shove those cloths in around Jones' wrists- do you understand me? Cloth around mommy's wrists, between her and the icky metal."

That earned Usopp a withering look. "Geh. Zu'u mindoraan."

Twisting around so he could reach behind me, Ruatha began shoving the scraps of thick canvas between my wrists and the manacles. It was a process that took several seconds and left my arms covered with more sticky dragon slobber than I'd ever wanted to have anything to do with. So gross. At the time I didn't care, though, because the more canvas there was between me and that power-draining metal, the better I felt. By the time I was able to use my powers again, I could almost breathe a bit without them. _Almost._

Huh. Maybe I was adjusting to this after all.

Still sore and nauseous, but recovering, I leaned forward to press the _accept_ button on Samsung's rig. Yes, with my nose. And yes, I managed it without getting any snail slime in my mouth despite how hard I was currently gulping down sweet, sweet, lightly pressurized air. My den-den looked relieved as I finally answered the call.

Ka-clik.

"Can you call back later, Sabo?" I gasped, tugging against my bonds in frustration. "Now's not a good time."

"I'm not Sabo." The voice on the other end of the line belonged to… Ghin? Oh, right… I slammed my face into the cloudy ground, even _more_ frustrated with my own derp. Low oxygen _may_ have been damaging my brain.

"Oh. Sorry… I forgot you knew my number… What's up?"

"Where are you guys?" Luffy's voice butted in. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Usopp and I are… Alive." I winced. "Okay is… debateable, but it's something I think we can get out of. We're… Gonna be making a slight detour, but we'll meet you in Upper Yard. Don't worry."

"Upper Yard?" Ghin demanded, "Where's that? How long 'til we get there?"

"It's part of the upper level… Of Skypiea proper. Don't worry about us; you need to get there. We'll catch up soon."

 _CRR-SNAP!_

Something cracked loudly behind me; I flinched. Hopefully whatever it was didn't draw Wyper's attention; I didn't feel up to dealing with him right now. Of course, I could never be that lucky; seconds later I heard angry footsteps storming towards the tent. "Sorry, but I've gotta go. Shit's going down that shouldn't be. Remember, Upper Yard!"

Ka-clik! I pressed the button with my nose again before using my head to roll Samsung back into my pocket. The snail was not amused. I got it hidden just in time, though- not a second later, Wyper thrust his head through the tent flap.

"What's all that noise?"

"Nothing!" Usopp and I squeaked in unison, squishing together so the berserker couldn't see what we'd done to my hands. Ruatha yelped too, wings flaring and feathery scales puffing up slightly in fear.

"Nid!"

"It better be…" Scowling, Wyper dropped the tent flap and left again.

Usopp let out a sigh of relief, deflating into the ground. "That was too close."

"A bit, yeah." I looked around as best I could, although seeing behind me was a bit of a chore. "What broke, anyway? That was _loud_."

"Oh, that?" Usopp strained against his manacles a bit, obviously trying to rub his nose. "That may or may not have been the main tent pole breaking in half as you got your powers back and started pulling on it. Don't worry though! As long as we don't damage the other two, it shouldn't come down!"

" _Eh?!_ " Fidgeting around, I could feel it. My hands were still suck behind my back, but the pole they were attached to was now moving as I did. And forcing Usopp and Ruatha to move with me.

Well, that was awkward.

"Umm… Oops?"

"You saying that word never means good things," Usopp groaned. "So… Who was here instead the first time, and how do we get out of this?"

"First time?" I was momentarily confused. Then realization hit like a freight train. " _Oh…_ No, this didn't happen in canon. Entirely new to me too. But… Why would we want to escape? Tomorrow, Wyper's gonna take us exactly where we need to go. At most, we just have to ditch him once we're there."

A look of utter disbelief. Since he couldn't reach his head with his own hands, Usopp substituted facepalming with smacking his face into Ruatha's wing, right beneath the claws. My dragon was not amused.

" _Why_ are you suggesting ditching a highly-dangerous sky warrior on his own turf like it's no more difficult than going for a walk around the _Merry_? He's gonna have allies! We'll be surrounded!" Usopp's attempts at panicked flailing wrenched my shoulders and Ruatha's leg. "They'll kill us!"

"Nah. We'll be fine." I grinned widely, the scars on my face pulling tight. "I have… three-quarters of an Elton John worth of a plan."

Usopp shot me a deadpan look. "I have no idea what that means, but it doesn't reassure me. At _all_."


	33. Omake the Fifth

**EvilpuppyofDoom: Yep. Taking it as far as I'm able. Unfortunately, you may be waiting a while yet— things are slow going right now. Depression rearing it's ugly head.**

 **stephen51991: Jones would like that too. But Wyper isn't gonna stop just yet.**

 **Tactition101: Heh. Probably not. But that won't keep her/me from trying.**

 **Anime no Akuma: Jones** _ **will**_ **get her peace. Eventually. In a way. Although to be honest, she finds peace kinda boring. And yes, the "no spoilers" rule came off at the worst possible time.**

 **LittleAngel2292: Thanks!**

 **Draco Oblivion: Yes. Yes, Nami just did. *evil grin***

 **Gamelover41592: Thanks!**

 **GreenDrkness: Thanks! And yep, the Skypieans are** _ **terrified**_ **of our poor, slightly traumatized, very angry sailing master.**

 **Molly Grace 16: Nah, it's not like testing for witchcraft, don't worry. Not even the Monty Python version, which would be funny, but not fit with what I'm going for this arc at all.**

 **RoofScat: Don't worry— I have a plan. And thanks. ^_^ I'm glad I've managed to balance Jones so she's not a Sue.**

 **MayaHikari: Yes, Jones is an idiot when it comes to people. Unless she wants something from them.**

 **suntan140: Don't worry, they'll make it. After all... I bet a friend of mine that I could do pre-timeskip God Usopp. And I** _ **hate**_ **losing bets.**

 **Lightsbane1905: Yes, I'm pulling an** _ **El Dorado**_ **. As much as I can, anyway. Sorry... And no, I'm not a fan of** _ **Worm**_ **. What is "Brockton Bay?"**

 **Azurai Wolf: You'll just have to wait and see. *grins***

 **finalhour0: XD Yep. As Jones would've said to Nami if she'd been there— "Open mouth, insert dragon-sized foot."**

 **The Keeper of Worlds: Thanks!**

 **Unca Bob: Yes, so many possibilities indeed. I'm gonna have** _ **fun**_ **with Skypiea. Thanks!**

 **LuffyLover: *rubs back of head sheepishly* Yeah... Blue and I aren't always the most careful editors, so we occasionally miss things like that. I'm glad you like the non-canon bits. I'll probably be trying to do more of those, now that Blackbeard is dead and Jones is no longer so desperate to stick to canon in order to meet him.**

 **ShinigamiMaster: Eheh... Sorry... Basically, an homage to one of my favourite movies is what that meant.**

 **Flaremage: Three-quarters of an Elton John worth of a plan is basically Jones saying that everything she has in mind for dealing with the Shandians comes from one of her favourite movies. And yes, we** _ **will**_ **be landing at G8. I can get us through there without a bounty no problem, though. After all... Jones already sent Jonathan a bunch of books, remember?**

 **Gerbilfriend: Yeah, it was sad. Sorry... And thanks! ^_^ It's taking some time, but I'll have the rest of the arc for you as soon as I can.**

 **Dragon Book Addict: Yeah... *sheepish chuckling***

 **ScarletCatnip: Yep. Nami was angry at Luffy for nothing. Except plot progression, but she doesn't know about that bit. And yes, "whelmed" was a** _ **Young Justice**_ **reference. I'll see if I can fight traught in too.**

 **FairyGirl960: Thanks! Afraid you'll have to wait a bit longer though... Slow going. Sorry...**

 **: Thanks!**

 **Whelmed: Yes, definitely a** _ **Young Justice**_ **reference. Love that show. And I love** _ **The Road to El Dorado**_ **too— it's one of my favourite movies. So the Skypiea arc is naturally a giant homage to it.**

 **rosewillow narusasufangirl: In order, the answers to your questions are— of course I am; mostly him being Luffy; the rest of the crew who were there have fairly decent memories of it; and yes.**

 **trilbybard: Yes he did. And yes, that could make life a lot harder for some people if it got out— like the World Government and the marines, perhaps?**

 **AnerianJames: Thank you very much! *squirms like Chopper* I can't wait to get to Enies Lobby either. I suppose that scene in the trailer was pretty obvious... After all, what better time to take to the air for the first time?** _ **Dragon men must fly, when danger's in the sky**_ **.**

 **Evil One: Thanks! XD It might work that way— although hitting her over the head might giver her ideas relating to gravity, which might not make a good plan on a sky island.**

 **The Pyro Jawsome: Sorry I didn't get your Sonic joke. v.v I've never played a Sonic game, and the only memories I have of anything relating to Sonic at all are vague flashes of an old show called** _ **Sonic Underground**_ **. As for an Elton John as a unit of measure... It's roughly a third of a Beatle, or equal to a** _ **Lion King**_ **plus and** _ **El Dorado**_ **. Thanks. I'm glad people like my take on Skypeia— although I do admit to taking some liberties there, since as far as I know, we were never told the exact location of the Shandian encampment. And yes, the butterflies are so pretty... XD**

 **Insanity Lord: Yeah... Jones likes to** _ **think**_ **she's a planner, but even if they generally succeed, she's really more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-you-pants type.**

 **Pokemonever1994: Thanks! And yes, Merry is the biggest glider plane in history—** _ **for now**_ **.**

 **Sage McGavin: XD**

 **Guest (April 12): Sorry... I think I have some good luck planned for her soon. G8, at least. That's gonna be** _ **fun**_ **.**

 **InternetJunkie: Thanks! I'll do my best! Although it's not necessarily** _ **Wyper**_ **who'll bear the full brunt of the godly sarcasm.**

 **T-Biggz: There is currently one other OC planned to join the crew, post-timeskip. Everyone aside from her, Ruatha, and Jones will be canon characters. Or at least canon to a movie.**

 **tanithlipsky: Thanks.**

 _Vikingr A/N: Hi everyone. Sorry the next chapter of the Skypeia arc is taking so long. Depression reared its ugly head... I'm working on it, but it's slow going, and I have no idea when it'll be done. Until then, here's an omake the wonderful Ash the Trouble wrote for me. What would've happened if Jones' conversation with the Unluckies at Whiskey Peak hadn't gone so well..._

Twelve Red Lines, Chapter 11: Satire AU

What if?

Click.

 _BANG_

The sound of a gunshot echoes; the glare he was giving the princess cuts off. Instead he looks around, searching for where the gunshot came from. _Weird,_ he thinks. He looks around once more, searching for all familiar faces. He finds all but ONE. His blood freezes.

 _No… Nononononono! Please don't!_ His mind is frantic.

"JONES!" He runs away from the group, eyes open and wild. "JONES! Where are you?!" He hears the crew shifting behind him. Maybe searching for her too, maybe following him, he's not sure and he doesn't care. He has to find her.

"JONES! Where the fuck are you?!" His legs move faster, ears alert for any sound. The grip on his chest tightens. His mind is a frantic mess of worry and fear. What if some spies heard the conversation? The Unluckies? When did she go? _Why didn't I realised sooner she was gone? Please be ok._

"JONES! ANSWER ME!"

X

 _"Your name, how is it spelled?" A purple-clad girl stands in front of his brig. Eyes clouded, but the curiosity shone through. It was the first taste of sunshine he had. The first taste of freedom. It's been a long time since he felt that way._

X

 _"Be on the lookout. I've got this." She says as her gait changes, preparing her mask. He stifles a laugh, hearing her accent. Joy- he hasn't felt that a long time._

X

 _Her hand shivers as she clings to herself, lips trembling, eyes wide and afraid. Slowly he takes her hand. "Focus on my back."_ Rely on me _, is left unspoken. Slowly but surely, her shivering stops. He grips her hand tighter, sending every little bit of courage he has to her. It's a sobering feeling. There are still people who rely on a person like him._

X

 _"Mother Hen." An exasperated sigh puffs out of her lips. It falls on deaf ears. If she doesn't take care of herself, she might be sick. Who else is gonna take care of her? It falls on his shoulders._

X

 _"GHIN!" She smiles, bright and warm. His chest feels light and there's fluttering left in his stomach. Happiness. He never thought he'd experience that feeling again._ Ah _, he thought. She worms her way into his tainted heart. His very own light._

X

 _Please… Please be fine... Not her… Not his sun._

As he passes an alley, a figure is sprawled on the cobblestone behind stacks of wooden crates. Red blood pooling under the body. He walks slowly towards the figure. "Jones?" He can't stop the shaking in his voice.

"G- Ghin?"

He rushes as he hears her voice. Blood flows sluggishly through the bullet wound in her chest. Too much blood. "H- Hey, I found you now. It's going to be okay. J-just don't close your eyes."

His hands frantically fish out the bandages in his pockets. He presses them firmly on the wound, trying to stop the blood. "C'mon Jones, the adventure is barely even started!"

She laughs, blood spluttering out from her mouth. Her bloody hand held his. "G-Ghin, thanks." She smiles. Tears flow from her eyes.

"You're not gonna die! You hear me?!" _Where the fuck are the others?_ "Luffy! Sanji! Zoro! Anyone?!" He shouts. Then he hears the pitter-patter of footfalls. "They're coming, Jones. Stay awake, ok?"

Her hand tightens on his. "Ok," She chokes.

"GHIN!" Luffy arrives first, followed by Nami. The cat burglar quickly tends to the wound.

"We need to take out the bullet first. Sanji?"

Sanji carefully lifts up the wounded woman. "Let's bring her inside," he says, and walks to a nearby house. The others follow- except for a few.

Luffy looks at the retreating forms of Sanji, Nami, and the bounty hunters as they knock down some doors. Then his eyes go to Ghin. He's not surprised by the cold look on the demon man's face.

"Hey Don?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind if I take walk for a while?"

"Why?"

"There's some hunting I've got to do."

Several seconds later, Luffy answers. "Can I join?"


	34. Apotheosis

**Apotheosis: the elevation of someone to divine status; deification.**

 **Vikingr A/N: Hi everyone... I'm pretty sure everyone's noticed that I disappeared for a few months- that even my old account is gone. I'm sorry about that... There were some issues with my family that I won't go into that led to them trying to get me to stop writing. It's not going to work, though... I love my stories too much. But updates will be a lot slower than they were before. I'm back now, though, and hopefully for good this time. I hope you'll forgive me, and I thank any returning readers profusely.**

 **Also... quadtriguple tap. Sure, it's a repost of a whole fic, but still... Beat that.**

This was bad. _Merry_ was gone- again!- and with her, Ghin and Toma. Luffy smacked himself in the face. _Hard_. "Crap! Where's that lobster thing taking our ship?"

It was a rota- reta- retorque- He didn't expect an answer. So when he got one, the rubber captain nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Upper Yard…"

It was the weak voice of one of the partially frozen White Berets. Leaping back in surprise, Luffy slipped on a patch of ice and fell on his butt. Which was fine, since it didn't hurt and it startled a snort of laughter out of Nami. Sighing heavily, Luffy's sailing master took his hat off and stomped over to squash it down onto his head.

"Just great. We're not only flat broke, now we don't even have our _ship_." Nami still sounded completely _pissed off_ , but at least she wasn't attacking people anymore. Luffy gave her an hour or two before she'd be back to normal.

Johnny and Yosaku looked like they were about to pat her back to try and reassure her, although they decided against it. Instead, the hunters forced smiles onto their faces as they fiddled with their spray guns.

"How bad can it be, Big Sis?" Yosaku asked.

Johnny nodded. "Yeah. All we've gotta do is head to this Upper Yard place and find everybody."

Nami turned and shot them a dark look. "How do we _get_ there, though?"

"Conis will know how!" Luffy leapt to his feet- and almost immediately slipped again. The captain stretched his arm out to grab Zoro, pulling himself over to his bosun in order to avoid skidding anymore on the ice. "We can go find her!"

"She… May be unwilling to help us," Robin pointed out quietly. "You scared her, Tovarisch Captain. Badly. How… If I may ask, how did you know her name? She didn't introduce herself."

"We've seen her before." Luffy tilted his head to the side. "In the Mists. But… You- this you, anyway- weren't with us then, so you don't know."

"The… Mists?" The archaeologist frowned in confusion. Lisa explained, brushing cloud and frost off her skirt.

"The Rainbow Mists- like in one of your books. We sailed into them a while ago and met another version of our crew. They… Acted as sort of a gate to a place between worlds. Time and space don't mean anything there. It was kinda scary, but also fun."

" _Oh_." Robin's eyes widened ever so slightly. Then she turned and looked away, her hair falling forward to shadow her face. "And… This other version of the crew… Conis was a member?"

"Yep!" Lisa skipped over to Luffy and grabbed his hand, swinging it back and forth. As far as the rubber boy could tell, this was just because she needed something to do. "They were _really_ different, though, so she might not join _us_."

"I'm still gonna ask," Luffy pouted.

Sanji huffed and tapped his foot. His visible eye rolled. "Sure you will. Just… Don't hound the beautiful angel like you did me, yeah?"

"Fine…" Pouting even more- because why _couldn't_ he pester Conis the way he'd pestered Sanji? It was fun- Luffy took a few bouncing steps towards the town. That was where Conis had run to, after all; they needed to go there to ask her how to get to Upper Yard.

His crew mates followed behind. Chopper, though, stopped before they'd gone very far. The doctor shot a concerned look at the frozen White Berets. "Should… Should we thaw them out?"

Nami glanced down at the men. "They should be fine," she said coolly. "The sun's bright enough up here that they should melt free in no time. Most of them won't even get frostbite. And if we thaw them out now, they'll just come after us while we're trying to talk to Conis."

"Okay…" Chopper didn't sound entirely sure. His ears drooped. Grunting, Zoro picked up the tiny doctor with one arm.

"The yuki-onna knows snow almost as well as you do," the swordsman assured the reindeer, rubbing behind furry ears with one finger. "If she says they're fine, they'll be fine."

Nami turned to Zoro and stuck her tongue out. "Hey! I resent that!"

The bosun frowned. "You resent _what_?"

"Being called a yuki-onna. I went to Shimotsuki Village a few times; I know what that means." The sailing master offered the bosun a somewhat sinister grin. "And I can do _so much more_ than just make it snow."

Zoro snorted and looked away. "Yeah, well, I can't call you witch because that's Jones' thing, and I don't know any demons that control _all_ the weather."

"Nami isn't a _demon_ , shitty Moss Brain!" Sanji swung a kick at Zoro. The bosun stepped back out of the way to ensure Chopper wasn't hit, one hand going to his swords. Before a fight could break out, Robin stepped between them.

"Gospodin Swordsman, Gospodin Cook, I don't think this is the right time for that. Especially since Gospozha Navigator didn't appear to be offended."

"I wasn't," Nami confirmed. Her words made Sanji wilt and back down.

The clouds were bouncy under Luffy's feet as they made their way towards the town. It kinda felt like walking on a trampoline. He found himself skipping along, humming happily. This was fun! And Lisa seemed to agree; the little girl was skipping along right beside him, tiny fingers intertwined with Luffy's rubber ones, swinging their arms back and forth.

Street clouds, once they got to town, were slightly less bouncy than beach clouds, but still lots of fun.

Less fun, though, was the way people were looking at them. All of the people in the cloudy town were like Conis- pale and delicate, with small, fluffy wings. Which would have been cool, except everyone was staring at Luffy and his crewmates like they had the plague or something. People kept disappearing down side streets as the Straw Hats approached or raced into their houses and slammed the doors. It was like… Like back in Shells Town, when Luffy had asked Coby about Zoro and the entire population panicked.

It stung a bit, but Luffy forced a smile. After all… If this was like Shells Town, then after they kicked that Enel guy's ass and recruited Conis, everyone would like them. Right?

Although… To do any of that, they still needed to find a way to Upper Yard first. Since none of the angels were letting him get anywhere _near_ close enough to ask for directions, Luffy looked back at Chopper and Zoro.

"Chopper, can you smell where Conis went?"

 _Hiff hiff hiff_

Chopper snuffled the air, his muzzle twitching. After a few seconds, the reindeer turned in Zoro's arms and pointed up a nearby street. "There. Her scent's all over town, weakly, but fairly strong in that direction."

"Right. Let's go!" Luffy was all for bouncing off towards where Chopper was pointing. Unfortunately…

"Wrong way Zoro."

The captain paused at Nami's voice, having only taken two steps. Spinning his head around, he saw Zoro striding purposefully towards a fountain. In the opposite direction.

Sanji snickered. "Stupid Moss Brain. Do we need to get you a leash?"

"HELL NO!" Ears turning red, Zoro spun around and came back. He looked like the only thing that was keeping him from attacking Sanji was the fact that he was carrying Chopper. Which…

"How'd you go the wrong way when you're _holding_ Chopper and he _just_ pointed us in the right direction?" Lisa wanted to know. Zoro grumbled under his breath, ears turning even redder.

Johnny and Yosaku giggled. The _look_ Zoro shot them afterwards promised pain. Lots and lots of pain.

Chopper's nose eventually led them to a large, rather nice-looking house. Or, mostly nice looking. There were a few strange things about it that had seen better days. The garden, for one- it was full of weeds, the flowers choked and dying. And the curtains on the windows looked frayed and old even through the glass, and the walls looked like they could use a fresh coat of paint.

Nami appraised the whole property coolly. "A single parent lives here," was her analysis. "One who has the _opposite_ of a green thumb."

That sure took the wind from Luffy's sails. Because… He didn't want to recruit someone with little kids. It wouldn't be fair to take them away from their family, and it'd be dangerous to bring them along. But… If Conis was on other-him's crew…

Luffy's head was starting to hurt.

Well, the only way to solve this was to find out. They needed Conis to tell them how to get to Upper Yard anyway, whether he recruited her or not. Luffy raised a hand to the pale yellow door. _Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap!_

Yosaku sweatdropped. "Um, Big Bro, she might not be to helpful if you bust down her door."

"Especially since we already scared the crap outta her," Johnny agreed. Luffy was about to retort when he heard rapid footsteps and a voice from inside the house- a voice that most definitely did _not_ belong to Conis.

"Coming! Coming! I'll be there in just a second!"

The door opened to reveal a short, middle aged man with narrow, kind eyes and a beard like a fluffy brown cloud. His wings and hands had grease stains on them, like he'd been tinkering with something before coming to answer the door. The man blinked at Luffy and his friends, face sagging in confusion.

"You're… Hello. Who are you? What are you doing here?" The man looked cautious, and more than a little scared. He didn't close the door all the way, but he _did_ narrow the entry slightly, as well as partially shielding his own body behind the yellow barrier.

"Does Conis live here?" Luffy asked. "We need to talk to her."

The man looked torn over whether he should say anything or not. Eventually, he sighed. "Yes. Conis is my daughter. But I don't believe she wishes to see anyone right now, least of all you. Please just let us be; we don't want any trouble."

"But we _need_ Conis to tell us how to get to Upper Yard!" Luffy bounced in frustration. He had half a mind to go inside and look for Conis anyway, no matter what her father said. Half. He didn't want to hurt anybody right now- they seemed like nice people- so he didn't _actually_ do it.

Robin placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tovarisch Captain, please settle down. You and Gospozha Navigator terrified the poor girl back at the beach. She may be unwilling to help us at all, and certainly will be if you charge in without thinking."

"Right…" As impatient as Luffy was, that was a good point. Turning back to Conis' dad, the rubber boy bowed his head. "Please… We _need_ to get to Upper Yard. Some of our friends are supposed to meet us there. _Please_ let us talk to Conis- or if _you_ could help us, that'd be great too."

Conis' father stared at him sadly. "I wish I could help you. But I really shouldn't."

"But aren't criminals like us _supposed_ to go to Upper Yard?" Lisa asked, lower lip quivering. Conis' father nodded slowly.

"Yes… Which is possibly the only reason Conis hasn't… She's already told you too much."

"Which is still less than we already know," Nami said with a wry smile. Conis' father stiffened.

Luffy nodded. His navigator was right. "It's that lightning jerk who won't let you say anything, right? Eve- Enel. He's scaring everyone… Does he hurt you?"

No answer was forthcoming, but that in itself was an answer. If this Enel guy wasn't hurting people, he was certainly threatening to. Luffy growled. "Never mind. It'll take longer, but we can find Upper Yard by ourselves. You guys stay safe. And once we get there… I'm gonna kick Enel's ass."

Jones and Usopp would have to look after themselves for a bit. Which… He trusted his gunner to keep his quartermaster out of too much trouble. And hopefully Ruatha, Drifter, and Geier would find them. Between the five of them, they'd be fine.

Maybe Upper Yard was in that jungle behind the town. It was as good a place to start as any- the only place, as far as Luffy could tell. Spinning on his heel, Luffy marched away from the house. "Come on guys. Let's go find this Up-!"

"Wait!"

Luffy froze mid-step at the sound of Conis' voice. Turning back towards the house, he saw Conis in the doorway behind her father. The blonde angel looked terrified; she was shaking like a leaf in a strong wind. But her jaw was set and her eyes shone with determination.

"You… Can you do it? Really?"

"Can we do what?" Zoro demanded gruffly. Sanji started dancing at the same moment.

"Of course we can, my lady! We can do anything!"

The rubber captain was more of his bosun's bent. "Can we do what? Kick Enel's ass?"

"Yes." Conis nodded. Her voice was very quiet. "I… I can't… No one… But if…" She couldn't finish. Hanging her head, Conis stared at the ground.

Something crackled in the air, like when Nami used her Thunderbolt Tempo. Luffy looked up just in time to get hit with a small bolt, coming down from the sky out of nowhere. It struck the buttons on his vest, crackling and sparking. Nami yelped and clutched her Clima-Tact at the sight; Johnny and Yosakuy jumped away. Lisa, standing so close to him, fell on her bum, shaking one reddened, blistered hand as her eyes spun.

Luffy glared up at the blank space the bolt had come from. That was a test. He _knew_ what lightning could do- burn people, break trees, kill an unlucky cow in its tracks. A bolt that small… If this Enel guy had his lightning Fruit for any length of time, he'd be able to do more than that.

"We _can_ ," Luffy confirmed. "Enel and any bastards standing with him are going _down_."

Conis blinked for a few seconds, her eyes adjusting after the crackle and flash. Once they were clear again, she nodded firmly, meeting Luffy's eyes for the first time. "I… I can't fight with you. It's too much… But I _can_ show you the fastest way to Upper Yard."

"Thanks!" Luffy instinctively moved to hug Conis. She flinched; he frantically aborted the motion, instead scooping up Lisa and cuddling the little painter. Right. Not everyone liked to be hugged out of the blue.

The pale angel put on a jacket and grabbed some sort of cylindrical pack from behind the door. Her father placed a hand on her shoulder. "Take care, dearest."

"You're not going to stop me?"

"No." Conis' father shook his head and gave her a brief hug. "I'm scared for you… But I also think what you're doing is right. So I won't stop you. I _will_ beg you to come home safe, though. Don't leave your poor old dad all alone."

"You're not _that_ old, Daddy." A small smile crossed Conis' face. Taking a deep breath, the angel turned and stepped out the door. Her eyes were shut tight as she did so, as if she expected to be struck down by lightning the instant she left her house. It didn't happen, though.

Letting out a little sigh of relief, Conis stepped up beside Luffy. "F-Follow me. This way."

Heading up a quiet street lines with expensive-looking shops, Conis scanned her surroundings constantly. Luffy didn't think it was necessary, bouncing along behind the angel. Everyone was running away from them as if his crewmates were wild, vicious beasts. Which was totally unfair… Zoro was the only one of them who was scary _at all_ , and he wasn't _wild_.

Shortly after passing a sign that read _Lovely Street_ , Conis lead the Straw Hats to a river of cloud. A small pier jutted out into the channel, creating a small marina and boat launch. Almost two dozen boats of various sizes bobbed on the waves, tethered securely to the little pier.

None of them had sails, though, and most didn't have oars either. Luffy was confused. And he wasn't the only one.

"How do they move?" Zoro asked gruffly. Conis answered absently as she scanned the boats.

"Dials, mostly. How else? Now, this river flows from somewhere in the heart of Upper Yard, so if you follow it all the way up, you should end up somewhere near Enel's temple." The angel frowned. "I think. I've never been there- no one has in decades- so I'm not entirely sure."

That was great, but…

"What're Dials?" Luffy remembered Jones saying something about those a while ago, but she'd never explained them.

"You… don't know what Dials are?" Conis was completely stunned. "Do they not have Dials on the Blue Sea?"

As she spoke, she pulled a number of shells out of her pockets. They were all different- some smooth, some spiked, some round, some conical, and all in different colours. The only similarity Luffy could see was that they all seemed to have movable portions somewhere on their surfaces. Kind of like little buttons.

Zoro frowned thoughtfully. "Aren't those the things Jones asked us to get from the shipwreck?"

"Yep." Nami nodded in confirmation. "She never said why, though."

Johnny and Yosaku were examining the shell with interest, closing in on Conis enough to make her visibly uncomfortable. "What do these Dial things _do_? How do they work?"

"Well, that depends on the Dial." Taking a step back, Conis clicked the shell he was holding. A puff of yellowish gas came out; the smell of rotten eggs filled the air. "A Flavour Dial, like this, stores and releases smells and flavours. Other Dials do the same with other things- heat, wind, sounds, or force, for example. Although some kinds are rarer than others."

Putting her Dial away, Conis cast a wary eye around the marina. "Look… I'll explain better later. If- if you succeed. If you don't… If you don't, we're all dead, so it doesn't matter. But for now, every minute we're out in the open is another chance for Enel to strike us down. I'm honestly not sure why he hasn't already."

That was a fair point. Aside from the testing bolt, they hadn't seen any sign of this lightning bastard. Which meant…

"He's plotting something." Robin said aloud what Luffy was thinking. Conis nodded.

"And that's what scares me most. Enel has never _planned_ things before, when punishing criminals. So I have _no idea_ what he might do."

"Don't worry," Luffy grinned, "This Enel jerk doesn't know what _we_ might do either."

Conis didn't look too certain of that, but she didn't say anything. Just kept scanning the sky. Then she shook her head and pointed at a long boat with a crow for a figurehead. "Take that one. I know she doesn't look like much, but she's a steady boat. She'll get you where you need to go."

Luffy was all for jumping in and heading out. Yosaku, however, hesitated. "Will the owner be okay with us just taking it?"

Everyone shot him a series of deadpan looks. Lisa rolled her eyes. "We're _pirates_ ," she reminded the green hunter. Yosaku rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Eheh… Fair enough. Sorry, Li'l Sis."

They boarded the boat with no more delay. Nami took the tiller. "Johnny, Yosaku, I need you on that Dial thing. You can probably figure out the propulsion system faster than anyone else, since Usopp's not here."

"On it Big Sis!"

The two hunters raced to the Dial engine and began poking around as everyone else boarded. Zoro eyed them suspiciously, settling down with Chopper near the bow.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to let the- OI!"

His question was cut off when Johnny pressed something and the boat _lurched_. Wind and water rushed; the crow-headed boat shot forward like a rocket. Sanji, who'd been boarding at the time, fell forward into the boat, landing on his face on one of the benches. Luffy held onto his hat to keep it from flying away. All his crewmates had made it onto the boat; good. But where was-?

"Wait!" Conis ran along the riverbank for a little bit, waving her arms, but the crow-headed boat quickly left her behind. Soon the angel was barely a speck on the riverbank behind them as the Straw Hats were flung forwards.

Johnny clung to the gunwales, eyes scrunched tightly shut. "Sorry!"

"We can fix this, I swear!" Yosaku added as he fiddled with the Dials. Despite his words, he didn't seem to be making any progress.

The crow-headed boat continued to shoot up the river like a rocket, leaving mighty waves in its wake. It was all Nami could do to steer as they raced around broad bends and bounced through a small set of rapids. One of the rocks was completely unavoidable, tearing a small hole in the bottom of the boat; Robin pulled a handkerchief from one of her pockets and held it over the damaged area to keep clouds from flowing in. A dozen hands pinned the fabric to the wood.

As this was going on, Luffy hung off the figurehead grinning. This was _fun_. He loved going fast like this- it was too bad the _Merry_ couldn't do it without Ace. Even the bouncing and rocking that nearly knocked him clear of the boat couldn't dampen the rubber captain's mood.

"SHISHISHISHISHI! THIS IS AMAZING!"

"CLOUDFALL!" Chopper screamed in response. At first no one quite understood- the word had come out of nowhere. Then Nami's eyes went wide.

"OH SHIT! EVERYONE HANG ON!"

Sanji glared at Johnny and Yosaku. "Slow us down! Now!"

"We don't know how!" The hunters were fiddling frantically with the Dials, but nothing was working.

Nami wrenched the helm over, trying to ram the crow-headed boat into the shore so they wouldn't go over. She wasn't fast enough. A scant couple of meters from safety, the boat was caught side on by the current and shoved over the edge. She actually flipped over in the air; for a moment, the world was upside down. Then she kept rolling, landing right way up with a great splash of cloud.

"Shouldn't we have met the cloudfall the other way?" Lisa wondered. "I thought we were heading for the source of the river?"

"I gave up trying to make sense of the weather and currents on the Grand Line when we _sailed up a mountain_ ," Nami grunted, "And that goes _double_ for rivers made out of clouds."

Luffy frowned. He didn't get it either. Then again, he didn't need to. As long as they got where they were going, that was what mattered. The _how_ of it was Nami's department.

On this side of the cloudfall, the river was somehow both broader and faster. Nami was having even more trouble steering; Sanji moved to the helm to help her. For once, the cook was doing so without hearts in his eyes. This was too important for that. Even with his aid, though, it seemed to be all Nami could do to keep the boat from hitting the shore. Or rocks. Or getting lost up some tributary somewhere.

And then… _CRACK!_

The boat slowed drastically, the rushing of her Dials falling silent. Johnny and Yosaku looked up from their tinkering, somehow both horrified and triumphant at the same time. Each was holding a couple of smaller shells, torn loose from the Dial engine array.

"Did… Did that slow us down?" Yosaku asked hesitantly.

The crow-headed boat, now without propulsion or a way to steer, drifted in the swift current. Nami shot the hunters a flat, dark look that sent Johnny leaping into Yosaku's arms. "Yes. Too much."

"Sorry!"

Robin looked around calmly. "We should get to shore, lest we flip over and drown due to our inability to fight the current. Are those more rapids I see?"

They were. Larger and sharper than the last set, great grey stones sticking up from the water like the jagged, broken teeth of an ogre. The clouds swirled about their bases in tiny whirlpools.

"Got it!" Luffy knew his crewmates probably wouldn't be too happy with him for this, but he was equally sure they wouldn't like what happened if they hit the rocks instead. Hugging the figurehead tightly with three limbs, the rubber boy stretched out his arm to grab a tree. "GUM-GUM ROCKET!"

 _Swoosh!_

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH! LUFFY, NO!"

"LUFFY, YES!"

"AAH-AAH-AAH! AAH-AAH-AAH!"

"WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!"

 _ **CRASH!**_

The crow-headed boat crashed into a large tree figurehead first- or rather, Luffy first, which didn't cushion the impact all that much despite how bouncy he was. Wood _shattered_ , leaving painted splinters scattered across the ground. As well as a fair bit of broken bark.

Luffy's crewmates were flung in every direction. Zoro and Sanji landed roughly on their feet, with Chopper still safely in the bosun's arms. Robin bloomed dozens of hands, using them to grab at vines and branches to slow her fall. Nami snapped her Clima-Tact down like a vaulting pole; the sailing master changed direction in midair, turning her fall into a semi-graceful jump that had her landing on a mossy log. And Johnny and Yosaku crashed down in a jumbled heap, with Lisa landing lightly on top.

"Shitty Rubber, at least give us some _warning_ next time." Sanji huffed and lit a cigarette, scowling. Luffy grinned at his cook.

"Sorry! I just wanted us away from those rocks fast!"

The sun was starting to go down now. Fast. Days seemed longer up in the sky, but once they were over, they were _over_. The jungle went from brightly lit to a maze of dim violet shadows very quickly as the Straw Hats collected themselves and looked around.

"I don't think this is where we're trying to go," Lisa said drily as she looked around at the dense undergrowth. Chopper giggled at her words; Luffy pouted. Sighing, Nami looked up at a nearby tree.

"It's not. We'll need to follow the river. But for now… It's getting too dark. We should make camp."

Luffy bounced eagerly. Camp meant food- he liked that idea. If they had any, he'd suggest roasting marshmallows, but he was pretty sure those were all still on the _Going Merry_. So instead… "Yeah! And we've gotta make a big fire so Jones and Usopp can see us if they're lost up here! Make it shaped like our Jolly Roger so they know who it is!"

"That's impossible!" Nami whacked Luffy over the head with her Clima-Tact. He rubbed the resulting… lump? Was Nami doing Fists of Love now too?

"Ace could do it," Luffy whined. Nami sighed, barely restraining herself from hitting him again.

"Your brother has the Flame-Flame Fruit. He can make fire do whatever he wants. Do any of _us_ have a Devil Fruit that can do that? Hmm?"

"Fine…" Nami was right. Didn't mean Luffy wasn't disappointed, though. A fire that looked like their Jolly Roger would be so _cool_.

Putting Chopper down, Zoro drew one of his swords. "I'll get the firewood."

"Don't overdo things with your leg," the reindeer grumbled. With no sign of response from the bosun, Chopper sighed and wandered over to check the stitches on Luffy's chest. "And don't get lost."

"I won't!" Zoro's indignant voice startled a few bats that were just beginning their nightly journey.

Sanji blew a smoke ring. "Well, I guess if we're gonna have a fire, I can go look for some meat. I'll be back soon- probably before the shitty moss ball."

The cook waved one hand as he disappeared into the trees. Already well away from the camp, a faint voice rose on the wind.

"I heard that, Shit Cook!"

"You were supposed to!"

Robin shook her head at their antics. Her eyes were closed, her arms folded in front of her. "Don't worry; I'll keep an eye on Gospodin Swordsman to keep him from getting lost. And yes, I mean that literally. Face Fleur!"

Luffy snickered. Even he knew why that was funny! The rubber boy would've liked to go hunt too, but with Chopper sitting on him, that was impossible. And yes, Luffy _could_ have moved his doctor, but… It'd be a worse crime than any pirate would commit, disturbing that adorableness as he worked. Chopper was the best, cutest doctor.

Lisa wandered around the area, painting symbols at various heights on every tree. Soon the crew's resting place was entirely encircled by splashes of deep blue paint. Johnny and Yosaku stared at it in confusion.

"Hey, Li'l Sis, ain't that-?"

"The same symbol you used on Big Bro Ace in Alabasta?"

"Yep." Lisa smiled. "Hraethigaldur in Sadness Blue. If that doesn't keep everything away from us while we sleep, nothing will."

The hunters both shivered a little at that. They- and Nami- quickly busied themselves with making beds out of piles of leaves and grass. A task which also involved frightening away a multitude of tiny, striped snakes like nothing Luffy had ever seen before. Not threatening snakes, thankfully; each was quickly sent scurrying by a tiny _zap_ from Nami's Clima-Tact.

By the time the beds were done, Sanji had returned with a large, pure white boar draped over his shoulder. He was followed not long after by Zoro; the bosun looked supremely uncomfortable as he dragged five logs through the underbrush.

And when the swordsman turned to cut the logs into pieces of a size actually useable for firewood, Luffy saw why. It was only there for an instant, but the rubber boy caught a quick glimpse of Robin's face _sticking out of Zoro's shoulder_. Which was cool, but also _creepy_. The face disappeared in a flurry of flower petals as soon as Luffy laid eyes on it, as if it had only stayed as long as it did so he would be able to see it.

Robin must've been giving Zoro directions to get him back to camp.

Soon enough, there was a cheery fire going, and the delicious smell of roasting boar sizzling on the air. A pack of wolves gathered not far from the camp site, but true to her word, Lisa's paints kept them away. Any time one of the beasts tried to approach, it would get to a certain point, then crouch low to the ground and bolt away, whimpering.

Luffy licked his lips. That boar smelled _good_ … He really didn't want to share it with anyone else. He probably _should_ , though. They'd all need their strength tomorrow, and meat was the best way to make sure they had it…

Johnny smiled as he stared into the fire. "This is nice…" The blue hunter leaned against his partner. "How long's it been, Bro, since we went camping together?"

"Just the two of us? Since that night on Sopwith Island last year." Yosaku ran his fingers through Johnny's hair.

Smiling, Johnny's eyes glinted. "Hey! You should tell everyone that story you told me about the headless man with a pumpkin for a-!"

" _No_."

"Meep!" Johnny's mouth snapped shut with an audible clack as Lisa glared at him.

"No scary stories. They give me nightmares."

Both hunters deflated and edged away. Yosaku hummed understandingly, a worried expression pulling at the scars from his encounter with Mr Five. "Alright then. What about happy stories?"

Thinking for a moment, Lisa nodded. "Those are okay."

Luffy bounced eagerly at the mention of stories. He liked stories almost as much as he liked food. And if you had both stories _and_ food, like they would in a few minutes, it was even better! "Sanji, hurry up!"

"I can only cook things so fast, Shitty Rubber!"

Yosaku nodded at Lisa and cleared his throat. "Well, I'm not the storyteller Big Sis Jones and Big Bro Usopp are, but I know a couple good ones. Let's see… How about the tale of the dragon who became the Red Line?"

Everyone fell quiet at that, even Robin listening with poorly disguised eagerness. Although the archaeologist also wore a slight frown. "I've studied the legends of a dozen cultures, and I've never even heard of that story."

"It's one my father used to tell me." Yosaku looked lost for a moment. Then he smiled. "Once upon a time, before kings, before queens, there was a little boy named Guams who was so jealous of his older sister that whenever he saw her, his face would turn green…"

 **-V-**

Chocolate-coloured eyes started to drift closed not long after the sun went down. Well, that wouldn't do. Grunting loudly, Ghin slammed his remaining hand against the mast with a deafening noise. "Oi! Wake up! Chopper said you're not supposed to sleep tonight, remember?"

Toma blinked at him blearily. "I- Sorry. I'm just so _tired_."

It had been several hours since _something_ had grabbed the _Going Merry_ , racing her and her two convalescent occupants off away from their crewmates. The ride had _not_ been comfortable- Ghin, unbalanced by the recent loss of a limb, had stumbled and staggered everywhere as he tried in vain to figure out how to stop what was going on. And Toma was still barely able to stand without getting dizzy and vomiting. But eventually it had stopped. Whatever had grabbed them deposited the ship atop an overgrown pyramid in the middle of a cloudy lake.

And left.

Of course, being by themselves didn't mean the pair could actually _do_ anything. They had no idea where they were or how to get back- or even get a message to- the rest of their crew. And leaving the ship was no option. Even if they'd been able to swim across the cloud lake, neither was in any shape to fight their way through the jungle.

Again, _if_ they could manage the swim. Ghin doubted they could. Injuries notwithstanding, he didn't think clouds were as buoyant as water. And there were sharks in the lake.

They'd at least been able to eat- Ghin wasn't much of a cook, but even with one arm, he could put together a couple of sandwiches. The next thing on his to-do list was finding a way to signal the rest of the crew, but he'd been having no luck with that. Not with any methods that would leave the ship intact, at least. So he was left with nothing to do but make sure Toma followed the doctor's orders.

"What're you gonna do?"

Ghin was pulled out of his thoughts by Toma's voice. "What?"

The boy nodded towards his stump. Following the motion immediately with a wince of pain. "Your arm. Are… You used two tonfa. You have two pistols. How will you fight, once you can again?"

One of the many questions Ghin had been trying not to think about. But he really shouldn't ignore them, should he? They were important… "I don't know," the rigger answered honestly. "I just… don't know…"

And that was another thing. He was the _rigger_ \- if anyone on the ship needed two hands, it was him. Even if there'd been enough of his arm left to get a hook hand- which there _wasn't_ , not by a long shot- things wouldn't work properly. It was damn near impossible to tie some of the knots he knew with one hand. A hook, maybe, but even that was questionable. Certainly not possible with his current state of affairs.

A headache started to pound behind Ghin's eyes; he reached up and rubbed his temple to try and relieve it. He'd never thought this would happen… For all his time on the street, for all his time as a pirate under Krieg… He'd _seen_ so many men maimed before, but it had never occurred to him that it could happen to _him_. He was scared. More scared than he'd been at any point in his life since losing Tippy.

…

Okay, not technically true. The most scared he'd been since that day was when those claws were slicing down at Jones' head and she _wasn't getting out of the way_. He was _going to lose another little sister_. His worries about the future, about how he'd be a pirate with only one arm, those came third. As for his terror of Mihawk… As much as the sight of the man made him _freeze_ , that was a distant fourth. Very distant.

He couldn't freeze now, though. Ghin stared up at the stars, closer than he'd ever seen them before, but still so far away. If he did, the kids would worry- one of them might get _hurt_. Get _killed_. Which _couldn't happen_. Not on his watch. So the one-armed rigger turned back to Toma, trying to force a smile. Although it came out as more of a cross between a scowl and a grimace.

"I'll think of something. Not much I can do for the moment- not until it's all the way healed. After that… I dunno. Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku are pretty clever with their gadgets. Maybe between the three of them, they could rig me something useable."

Then… "Worry about yourself. Didn't that Blackbeard fellow break your sword?"

"I can find a new one," Toma said hesitantly. "Next time we're in town… I'm not as strong as Sensei, so I don't need anything special."

Ghin grunted. Maybe not right away, but that wouldn't last forever. Sooner or later, everyone on the crew came up with some sort of special weapon. Zoro had his named blades, Nami had a staff that could control the weather, several others had their Devil Fruits. Even Johnny and Yosaku had those spray guns and their electrified swords. Someday, when Toma had found a style that suited him, he would need a special sword.

The one-armed rigger almost felt _left behind_ by the thought.

Slow, unsteady footsteps dragged across the deck. Ghin didn't register them. Not right away, not until Toma had placed a hand on his good shoulder and gripped it surprisingly _tightly_ for such a skinny lad. Then Ghin startled a bit. Not much, though. He'd never hurt one of his kids.

His kids. But if he was left behind, how could he protect them?

"Um, Ghin-san?" Toma's voice was very unsteady. "Ghin-san, are you okay?"

He really wanted to say yes. Ghin wished with all his might that he could say yes. Instead, he looked up at the stars with a sigh.

"No." He didn't elaborate. No need to burden the boy. Toma didn't need to know that losing his arm had made Ghin lose his place. That for all his assurances to Jones, the rigger _didn't know_ how he would continue being a pirate. And it _terrified_ him.

Reaching his hand up, Ghin ran his fingers over the armband Jones had made for him. It seemed so long ago, but it wasn't, was it? Smooth ivory, marred by the jagged, roughly hacked lightning bolt Jones had carved in with that little knife of hers. The band was snug around his stump, just a few centimeters above the stitches and blood and raw flesh.

A painful reminder. Ghin worked it off carefully and almost threw it across the ship in anger. At the last moment, though… At the last moment he tucked it into his jacket, into one of the deepest pockets. He just couldn't bear to get rid of something like that.

The armband clinked against a golden hairclip with a sound like a chiming bell.

Sighing again, Ghin kept his eyes fixed on the sky. "Do I have one?"

"Nani?" Toma blinked, startled. "One what?"

"You said some people glow," Ghin explained quietly, "And that you don't know what causes it. Am I one of them?"

"No."

He'd expected that. It was always good to make sure, though. Ghin closed his eyes. "Who does? On our crew, I mean. There must be someone, the way you twitched when you first came aboard."

"Luffy." Well, that was to be expected. Their captain was like a miniature sun.

"Ace, when he was with us." That made sense. Fire powers.

"Jones." Also expected, if only because Ghin was sure she'd find a way to make light with her powers someday. Her portfolio didn't really make much sense to him.

"Marco the Phoenix." Of course. Glowing blue bird.

"Chopper." Okay, that was a little odd. Although the doctor certainly had his own brand of adorable charisma.

"Robin." Even more unusual.

"Blackbeard." That was a name Ghin _really_ hadn't been expecting. Unless…

"I think… What you're seeing might be their Devil Fruits." It was a _strange_ thing, no doubt about it, but that was the only thing Ghin could think of that those names had in common. Well, that they had in common that no one else on the crew shared.

Toma shook his head with a wince. "That's what I thought at first too, but… _The ship_ glows too. Not all the time, but sometimes. And there's a hazy blue glowing shape that wraps around Jones when she's upset. It's not part of her usual glow."

Well then… In that case, Ghin had no idea what it might be. He was pretty sure a ship and a patch of air couldn't eat Devil Fruits.

Things were silent for a long time. It got awkward quickly- Toma didn't appear certain when he was supposed to let go of Ghin's shoulder, so he just kept holding. And holding. Forget swordsmanship, Zoro needed to teach the boy about personal boundaries. Then…

"I know it's hard." Toma's voice was going quiet again. "Saga-sensei only had one arm that worked, and some days he cursed it. At least, before the sword cursed him. It drove him crazy… But he managed to hold on and be a _good swordsman_. If he can do it, you can too."

A chuckle bubbled up against Ghin's will. "I'm not a swordsman."

"Warrior in general then." Toma shrugged. "Bushido doesn't just apply to the sword."

Snorting, Ghin shook his head. "Even calling me a warrior's generous. Everything I know about fighting, I learned on the streets and in dockside brawls. Picked up the tonfa because they looked cool and freaked most people out."

"And the pistols?"

Ghin glanced over at the boy, one eyebrow raised. "What pirate in his right mind doesn't have a pistol secreted away somewhere?"

"Swordsmen. Most of our crew."

"Brat. I said in their _right_ mind." If Toma hadn't been injured, Ghin would've ruffled his hair. Or maybe poked his forehead. As it was, he had to settle for rolling his eyes.

Toma's hand dropped now. But the boy was smiling. Or trying to. His stitched-up cheek wasn't cooperating, turning the smile into a stiff, twisted grimace.

Then Toma yawned, and one of those stitches snapped. A few drops of blood welled up- not enough to be dangerous, but enough to leave a bright red smear on the boy's face. He was too tired even to flinch at this point, though. Instead, Toma was reduced to blinking rapidly as he tried to keep his eyes open.

"I don't think I can stay up all night. Why does Chopper-senpai want me to?"

"Not sure. Probably because if you're awake, it'll be easier for me to tell if there's something wrong with that little head of yours." Ghin couldn't help the sadistic little grin that grew across his face. He may love his kids, but that didn't mean he didn't enjoy teasing them from time to time. "I've heard that if a head injury is too bad, you can bleed to death through your ears. And no one would know until they went to wake you up for breakfast."

"Aiiieee?" Toma's eyes went wide. Then he scowled. "That's _mean_. Lisa said you were one of the nice ones."

"Well, Lisa told you wrong. I like you kids; I'm loyal to Don Luffy and I do my best to look after this crew. But that doesn't make me a good man, or a nice one."

Frowning slightly, Toma whistled through his teeth. "I don't think that's true. I think you're a good man, or at least, you try to be. A bad man wouldn't have done what you did for Jones."

Ghin had no response to that.

So instead, he changed the subject. "Doesn't matter why you need to- Chopper said you need to stay awake. How do we keep you up 'til then?"

Toma shrugged. "Normally I'd train, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that until Chopper says."

"No wonder Zoro likes you." Admittedly, Ghin wouldn't have minded training himself, but that would have to wait until they were healed. Until he figured out what he was going to do. "Wait here. I've got an idea. Just gotta get something from the hold- assuming Jones doesn't keep it in her pouches."

"I think she'd keep the _world_ in those pouches if she could," Toma muttered as Ghin stepped away. "Why does she _bother_? Most of the time she doesn't use all that stuff."

Ghin wasn't sure either, and he'd been there on the shopping spree that had resulted in the overstuffed utility belt. Although he supposed it was from before Jones got her Fruit-of-all-Trades, back when she thought she'd need to be sneaky and clever all the time instead of just sometimes. There'd also been repeated mentions of someone called Batman, though, which the rigger didn't know what to make heads or tails of.

The things Ghin was looking for, thankfully, had _not_ been stuffed into one of those pouches that were full of everything except what _he_ thought most useful (Bandages. The answer was bandages. And maybe pain relievers.). No, the small, brightly coloured, carefully molded pieces of plastic lay scattered across a crate Jones had apparently been using as a desk. Their jewel-like hues stood out brightly against the papers covered in Jones' small, looping handwriting.

She'd been busy, it looked like. Where had she found time, when they were preparing to face Blackbeard, to write all that? And what did _level eleven Monk/Noble gestalt_ mean? Or any of the other things, for that matter?

Shrugging, Ghin ignored the papers, scooped up the dice sitting atop them, and made his way back on deck. Toma looked askance at him; grunting, the rigger sat down beside the boy.

"I'm gonna teach you a game." It would be a little odd- some of Jones' dice had weird numbers of sides- but it should work.

Toma nodded slowly. "Okay… What _kind_ of game? What are those?"

The boy… had never seen dice before? Ghin's eyebrows rose. Odd… Hadn't he been raised in a marine dojo? Marines in the East Blue loved dice just as much as any other sailor. "These are dice. Not normal ones- well, these ones with six sides are. The others are weird. They're for playing games of chance."

"I see… How?"

Ghin smiled. "Well, I don't know the name of this one, but it's popular in the East Blue. At the start of each round, one of us rolls one of these six-sided fellas. Whatever number comes up- say it's five- is the one we need to match. Then we each take a turn rolling all four of them. Whoever matches the most wins that round. So if you rolled and two of the dice showed fives, and then I rolled and none of my dice showed fives, you'd win. Then we start over. Keeps going for twenty-one rounds, and whoever won the most, wins the game."

Frowning, Toma poked one of the dice. "And how do I know you're not cheating?"

"These ain't my dice," Ghin huffed, "There's no way _I_ could've done anything to them. Jones might've, though… I dunno. We'll find out soon enough, I guess."

A few rolls confirmed that Jones didn't appear to have weighted any of the dice. With Toma's honour satisfied, Ghin was about to begin play, when…

"So… Are we supposed to bet something?" The boy's frown deepened. "That's how gambling works, right?"

Oh dear. The kid really was completely clueless. They couldn't have that; a pirate being that much of a sucker was _embarrassing_. Ghin had been able to gamble since he was barely taller than _Chopper_. His reading skills may still be shaky even after a few months with Jones, but he'd been able to match dice and count cards for ages.

"If you want. But we're on the same crew, and this is just a friendly game for you to learn, so there's no need to worry this time. Remind me to give you a lesson on these things someday, though. Chopper too, probably, and Luffy…" Lisa probably already knew, though. Criminal background and all.

Toma shot him a sheepish look. "I don't think Sensei would like that."

"And why not?" Ghin scowled. "Does he _want_ you to end up a moss-brain like him?"

Biting his lip, Toma stared at the deck. "No… But he'll probably say it's a waste of time."

"Well, if he does, tell him I said all his drinking is a waste of time." It was slightly unfair- Zoro didn't spend much more time in the bottle than any other sailor Ghin had met, and he certainly never got drunk- but Ghin felt entitled to being a little grumpy at the moment.

He rolled the first set. Two. A small smile growing across his face, Ghin passed the dice off to Toma. "You match first."

Hands shaking slightly, Toma picked up the dice and tossed. They clattered across the deck- the boy had a slight excess of enthusiasm- before coming to rest at the base of the mast. Ghin whistled as he went to retrieve them.

Four twos. No way to beat that- tie at best. First round was probably going to the boy. Well then… They'd just have to see if his luck held.

The pair played for several hours, and Ghin very quickly became glad there were no stakes. Toma may not have understood gambling, but his _luck_ \- at least with dice- was insane. The first game, he'd trounced Ghin eighteen to three, and most others weren't that much less embarrassing.

"I like this game," Toma yawned as the sun started to rise above the trees.

Well, at least there'd been no signs of trouble during the night, and his brain couldn't be too damaged if he'd found a way to use his sword skills to control the throws of the dice- which Ghin was starting to think he had. No way to prove it, though. Even without Chopper's say so, Ghin was fairly sure it was safe to let Toma sleep if they were out here another night.

Birds started to call as the sun rose higher- not as many as there would've been on an island at sea level, but still plenty. None of the calls belonged to any East Blue species; Ghin could tell that much. Couldn't tell what any of them _were_ , though. Except one.

"JYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"

Southbirds. Hidden in the jungle, dozens of southbirds. Ghin never saw them, though- flashes of purple through the trees, at best.

A shadow flashed over the ship, momentarily blocking out the light of the dawn. At first, Ghin's exhausted mind thought it belonged to Ruatha. It was much too large, though, to be the baby dragon. Especially since Ruatha couldn't carry a rider yet, and the shadow had both a human shape and a lance on its back.

Jones didn't wield a lance.

It must be that Gan Fall knight, then. Why was he around, though? Had someone called him to check on them, or to bring Chopper? Ghin raised his arm to wave at the figure descending from the east, to let the old man know they were there.

"KON-KA-REE!"

Huge wings descended in a spiral dive, great claws extending to land. And at the last minute, Ghin realized his mistake. The lance was wrong, the armour was leather instead of metal, the feathers dull grey-violet instead of pink. Snarling, the rigger grabbed Toma and dropped flat on the deck as the bird skimmed through the air where their heads had just been. Wicked talons slashed the air.

The bird's rider smirked as he came around. He had a skinny little moustache that made Ghin want to punch him in the face. "Well, Fuza, would you look at that? They're actually going to try and fight back."

"KON-KA-REE!"

"Toma, stay down!" The boy wouldn't be able to do anything without a sword, not when he could barely see straight. Not that Ghin was up for much of a fight either. The rigger drew one of his pistols as the strange bird rider dove again.

"Who are you and why the Hell are you attacking us?"

"Because those who enter the domain of God Enel must be punished!" And because the bird rider just liked attacking people, judging by the eagerness of his expression. The rider pressed something on his lance with his thumb, prompting the steel to _glow_ red hot before bursting into flames. "Heat Javelin!"

KCHOW!

Ghin was barely able to fire and get out of the way before the rider's lance struck the deck where he'd been standing. And his shot _missed_ \- the rider nudged his bird at the last second, the pair shifting so Ghin's bullet barely clipped a feather. Growling, Ghin tossed his first pistol aside and drew his second.

If he didn't hit this time, things were going to get awkward.

KCHOW!

This time he fired as the rider and bird were coming around, before the rider could possibly have seen him. But again, the leather-clad man nudged his bird _just so_ and edged them out of danger. The bullet didn't even touch a feather this time, whizzing harmlessly away into the underbrush.

Desperate, Ghin dropped to his knees, wedging the pistol between them. He bit his next ball out of its pack, grateful he'd stuck with old-fashioned guns rather than the newfangled revolver Jones favoured. But even this way, getting the powder in with one hand, without spilling was just. Too. _Slow_. He was only half reloaded when the bird rider struck again.

"Heat Javelin!"

"Ryu Shou Sen!"

 _Fwung!_ Wood thudded against metal. Toma, feet set in a wide stance to keep him from keeling over, struck the bird rider's lance from the side with a belaying pin, knocking it up and away. Instead of piercing Ghin's skull, hot steel ripped through the _Going Merry_ 's mainsail, setting it aflame. The bird spiralled through the air to regain its balance; it's rider was _grinning_.

"Ohoho! Look at that, Fuza! The little kitten has claws too!"

"KON-KA-REE!"

Ghin scowled at Toma. "What part of _stay down_ don't you understand?"

The boy shot him a cheeky smile. "Sorry, Ghin-san, but you seem to have forgotten. I listen to Zoro-sensei, not you." Then he sobered. "Joking aside, we're both injured and you're not used to only having one arm yet. It makes more tactical sense for us to work together at this time."

Fair enough. Ghin grunted and finished reloading as the bird and rider dove again. At his side, Toma readied his belaying pin. And then, taking aim at their adversaries, Ghin saw it. The rider nudging his bird _before_ Ghin's finger could fully close on the trigger.

KCHOW!

"Shit!" Ghin pulled Toma out of the way as enormous talons tore through the air where the boy had been standing. That fiery lance ripped through the rigging this time, sparking more flames to join the ones on the sail. "The bastard has Kenbunshoku Haki!"

Which none of their crew had been able to figure out yet. They'd tried a bit, while preparing to fight Blackbeard, but most of their practice had emphasized crew formations and trying to avoid being caught by the Dark-Dark Fruit.

"Kenbunshoku Haki?" The bird rider grinned. "Is that what they call Mantra on the Blue Seas?"

Then he patted his bird's neck. "As much as I like to draw these things out, God Enel called a meeting that I guess I probably should be heading for. Fuza… Sunbird."

"KON-KA- _REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ "

The enormous bird swooped low over the ship. White beak opening wide, the bird inhaled deeply… Then spat out a mass of brilliant flames. A cone of orange swept from one end of the _Merry_ to the other, lighting _everything_ on fire. The mast, the rails, the sails, the rigging… The deck didn't light so easily, but unless Ghin and Toma could get rid of their attackers quickly and put out the fire, it would follow soon enough.

Smoke and sparks filled the air. Ghin coughed and squinted, his eyes and lungs burning. "Toma, you okay?"

"For… Khch… For now!" Toma's eyes were watering as he stumbled through the flames.

It was too dangerous, now, to try and reload one of his pistols again. Dropping the gun, Ghin pulled out one of his tonfa and gave it an experimental spin. His balance was _way_ off; this likely wouldn't go well. Not well at all.

 _Kling-kling!_ The Going Merry's bell chimed in the wind. The sound of _home_ ; a sound that Ghin might never hear again if he wasn't careful.

"Still alive," the bird rider sneered, "Oh well. We'll remedy that before long. Heat Javelin!"

Diving down once more, lance aimed for Ghin's heart. The rigger held his ground, lone tonfa spinning, hoping to get a strike in even if doing so resulted in him getting hurt. Getting killed. He would _not_ hold his kids back. He was going to _protect_ them!

And then one of the burning lines snapped. With the release of tension, a charred end flew up, bringing with it a shower of embers and a heavy wooden block. A block which hit home with a resounding _thud_ , knocking the bird off course and singeing its feathers.

 _Kling-kling!_

Even through the smoke and his own watering eyes, Ghin could see the look of surprise on the bird rider's face. The man hadn't expected that _at all_. Or rather… he _had_ , because Ghin had seen that flash of reaction that was from Kenbunshoku Haki. But rather than getting out of the way, the reaction had been entirely one of confusion and disbelief.

Did Haki not usually tell you when ship lines were about to break? Interesting…

The bird rider gathered his wits quickly, bringing his mount around again. "Fuza, Sunbi-ACK!"

This time there wasn't even a pretense of it being accidental. A group of lines, some of which had yet to be touched by the fire, all snapped and unravelled at once, their ends whipping up to strike at the bird and rider. A few heavy blocks nearly separated the pair, clocking the rider in the ribs and on the side of his leather helmet.

"What's going on here?" the bird rider demanded. And really, Ghin would've liked an answer to that question too. There was _clearly_ something wrong with the ship, if lines were always coming undone so easily.

"Heat Javelin!"

"Black Dog's Howl!" Not that Ghin expected to do much good as he rushed to meet the lance head on. Not with only half his power, not with his balance shot. But he had to try.

"OH NO YA DON', YA TAR-FACED SUNNUVA JUNK!"

 _Something_ got between Ghin and his opponent at the last second, a small shape whirling within the flames. It pushed the rigger back with one small, but surprisingly strong hand; another hand grabbed the fiery lance and _twisted_ , sending both bird and rider crashing into the mast.

Had it not been for the strength the figure displayed, Ghin would've thought it was Lisa- it was about the same size, wearing some sort of short dress or long coat that resembled the painter's usual attire. He couldn't make out any proper colours or details through the flames and smoke. At least, not at first.

The bird rider dismounted, his companion shaking itself after its collision. That irritating little moustache, formerly straight as the hands of a clock on the bird rider's face, was now crumpled into his upper lip as he sneered.

"A _little girl?_ You _insult_ me, Blue Sea Dwellers, if that's the best you have on offer. Heat Javelin!"

He thrust his lance forwards, creating a spiralling gap through the flames. Shining steel pierced through a skinny shoulder covered in yellow oilskin- or rather, flowed through, as it came back with no blood staining the tip. The bird rider's eyes went wide.

"I- I hit you! I know I did!"

A small patch of flames cleared to reveal a little girl in an oversized raincoat. Barnacles clung to the back of the tattered garment. Her flat, black shoes resembled the hooves of some mountain animal. Suntanned, acne-pocked skin split around a wide, white grin. Above gleaming brown eyes, curly white hair gave way to a wickedly curving set of golden horns- far too large, by all appearances, for the head on which they perched.

Horns that were soon buried in the bird rider's gut as the strange little girl _headbutted_ him. "Pick on some'un yer own size, ya scummy landlubber!"

"GYAH!" The bird rider coughed and swiped his lance at the girl. It went right through her little face, leaving a rippling shimmer like hot air rising off pavement. By all appearances, the girl was unharmed.

Heat was starting to warp the boards as the fire spread over the deck. Several of the boards nearest the bird rider and his mount popped up completely, nails firing at the invaders in ways that should've been totally impossible given the angle. The little girl stepped in behind them, kicking the bird rider in the shin. _Hard_.

"GET! OFF! ME! YA! PRICK!"

"Heat Javelin! Sunbird!"

Neither another strike from the lance, not the bird's jet of flames seemed to touch the girl. Eyes wide with confusion, the bird rider leapt onto his mount's back. "Why can't I hit you?"

"Ya _did!_ " the girl snarled. She jumped forward, ramming her horned head into the bird's side. "An' it 'urt loik a fuckin' bitch! Now get. _Off!_ "

"KON-KA-REE!"

Even before its rider gave an order, the bird opened its wings to take off. What seemed like every line on the ship came loose as it did so, whipping the avian around the head as it took to the sky. Eyes closed to protect them, the bird nearly rammed into a tree in its haste to escape.

"An' stay oot!" The little girl threw a handful of broken nails after the retreating bird. Every one dug into its target's tail.

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

 _KA-CHOOM!_ The cannon fired with _no one manning it_. Ghin could only assume that Usopp had left it loaded for some reason, and that the fire of battle had set it off. The cannonball flew too low to hit anything of importance. It was a valiant effort, though, and loud- eight pounds of iron snapped a tree on the lakeshore in half.

The little girl collapsed as soon as the bird and its rider were out of sight. Her entire body seemed to be flickering in and out of existence with the light of the flames. Parts, particularly the tips of her horns and the edges of her coat, looked almost transparent. Her hands were covered in burns, with more slowly appearing on her neck, creeping up towards her face.

"Owwie…"

Shit. The ship was still burning, and if they couldn't do anything about it, it wouldn't matter that their attackers were gone. Ghin dropped his tonfa and headed for the bilge. Hopefully Johnny and Yosaku had left some prototypes lying around. "Toma! Turn the galley tap on- use buckets until the water reservoir runs dry!"

"Hai!" The boy scrambled for the galley as fast as his concussion would allow. Ghin heard the tap start running as he headed below deck. The heat of the flames had yet to reach the inside of the ship- it would take a while to burn down. _Wouldn't_ burn down, if Ghin had anything to say about it.

Sliding down the ladders to reach the bilge quickly was difficult with only one arm. Ghin managed, though, splinters digging into his thumb from the descent. Something gleamed dully in the dim light- wires. Someone had painted wires black and stretched them all across the floor at ankle height. Between the dim lighting and the sheer _number_ , there was no way to avoid them all.

He was going to _kill_ those two.

Several tiny catapults fired balloons at Ghin as he strode through the forest of wires. They burst with mixed results- some contained paint, others glue or insect repellent. Eventually, though, the sticky, irate rigger was able to find what he was looking for. Hiking it awkwardly up onto his shoulder, he hauled himself back up top.

Toma was standing in the galley door, flinging bowls of water over any patches of fire he could reach. The strange little girl was with him, running the bowls back to the sink for filling. Ghin nodded at the pair as he struggled to figure out how the clunky prototype tank worked. Hopefully it didn't blow up in his face.

 _FWWWWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

As soon as he opened it up, Ghin could tell why this particular spray gun was still on the workbench. Water fired out in every direction from where the hose connected to the tank and the firing mechanism. It was accompanied by small amounts of white foam- probably produced by whatever the hunters used to pressurize their guns.

For putting out a large fire, it was actually perfect.

Soon enough, the flames were dying down. Ghin actually stomped the last few out with his foot- the foaming water spray didn't last forever. Slick ash covered the entire ship; the deck and rails were almost as slippery as soap. Above, the sails were mere scraps and most of the rigging had been burned beyond use. Only the flag still fluttered proudly, untouched at the tip of the mainmast.

There would be a lot of repair work to do. But at least they were no longer in immediate danger. Ghin nodded to himself, testing to make sure the deck was still strong enough to hold his weight. It seemed to be; the fire hadn't gotten to the supports inside. Satisfied, he headed over to the galley to check on Toma and the strange girl.

"Are you two alright?"

"Hai." Toma nodded firmly. It was followed immediately by him coughing and wincing. Ghin frowned in concern; the boy forced back his coughs to smile up at the rigger.

"I… I may have inhaled a bit too much smoke, Ghin-san. Nothing a little fresh air and rest won't fix."

"If you're sure…" Not that there was much else they could do, until Chopper got there. Ghin could handle superficial cuts and burns, but nothing more.

Toma smiled. His coughs really did seem to be already dying down. "Don't worry. I'll be okay."

Reassured for now, Ghin turned to the strange little girl. She was flickering even more now, rubbing at the burns on her hands and wincing in pain. Her breath came in rapid pants. The rigger fished in his coat pockets until he found a little container of Chopper's favourite disinfectant. He tossed it to the girl; she caught it, eyes wide.

"Here. Put this on. It'll sting, but it'll clean things up so you don't get an infection." Ghin shrugged self-consciously. "I'd help, but… Well, I'm a little short-handed at the moment."

The little girl shot his stump a look of _horror_ … Before doubling over in pained laughter. Ghin smiled. Good. Nothing was better than little girls laughing.

"Ye… Oi can' believe ya made a _dad joke_." The girl shook her horned head and looked at the salve. Then she offered it back to Ghin. "Thanks, but Oi ain't gonna be needin' that. Don' work on me."

"What're you talking about? Of course that stuff works. Chopper makes the best medicines I've ever seen." And if the little reindeer had been around to hear that, he would've been dancing all over the ship.

The little girl shot Ghin a dry look. "Works fer yer kind. Not moin. If ye don' see, Oi ain' 'xac'ly 'human." She tapped one of her horns meaningfully.

Her accent was so thick and strange, Ghin couldn't always be sure he understood what she was saying. And it was mixed, too, taking bits and pieces from all over the Four Blues. Plus a few hints from various places they'd been to since coming to the Grand Line. Ghin had never heard anything like it.

Well, except the one time Jones made up a fake accent to trick those idiots in Loguetown.

That wasn't the primary concern, though. Ghin frowned. "What do you mean, _your kind?_ Who are you? Where did you come from?"

"Why are you glowing?" Toma added. The boy's eyes were shining.

The girl stared at them as if they were stupid. Which somehow reminded Ghin of the rare occasions when Luffy did it. "Ya… Ya can' tell? Oi'm crewed by a bunch o'bloody fools…"

She sighed, one hand reaching up to rub the blisters on the side of her neck. So many burns… But despite them, she didn't seem to be in that much pain. "Oi'm part o'this crew, ya dunder'eads."

Ghin scowled. "I've never seen you before in my life. Tell the truth."

Dark brown eyes blazed. "Tell the truth? Tell the truth, 'e says! Listen 'ere, Tar-Face, if ya don' recognize yer own fuckin' ship, ya need yer bloody ois checked. Ne'er seen me 'afore me oaken arse! Ye're _standin'_ on me!"

Toma jumped at her words. The boy stared around at the ship around them, head injury apparently forgotten in his panic. Ghin sighed. Gullible boy… Scowl deepening, the rigger tried to fold his arms, forgetting momentarily that he only had one left.

The result was less intimidating than he would've liked.

"You can't be our ship. That's impossible. Who are you really?"

Snarling, the little girl jumped up into Ghin's face. And _stayed there_ \- Ghin was expecting her to fall back to the deck, but instead a board popped up beneath her feet. She balanced on the revealed end with a dancer's grace.

" _Me name is Goin' Marian. Oi'm an East Blue caravel built boi Merry the Butler and Oi joined this crew at the same toim as Usopp!_ "

"Marian?" Ghin's eyebrows rose up under his headband. "Now I know you're lying. Our ship is the Going _Merry_."

"An' ye think me name as a person 'as to be same as me name as a ship _why?_ " Marian leaned in until her horns were almost touching Ghin's head. "Look, mate, if Oi ain' yer ship, 'o'd ya think picked up that damn anchor all the toim when Jonesie were bleedin' out all o'er me decks an' needed a doctor, eh?"

That was a good point, actually… And not something someone outside the crew would know. Even Chopper and those who'd joined later… Marian grinned widely at the hesitation in Ghin's eyes. She faded out of view for a minute as she did so, blurring back in an instant later.

"Ye're a clever lad, Ghin, an' ye grew up runnin' the docks. Lotsa ships 'round there. Lotsa sailors, and lotsa sail _lore_. Ye've 'eard of Klabautermann, aye?"

Ghin felt his blood run cold. He fell back on his ass in shock, his legs giving out underneath him. Toma yelped in surprise. Marian stepped down off her support, smirking; the board snapped back down into its place in the deck. Perfectly. The translucent girl cleaned tar from under her nails with a toothpick.

"Ye can keep callin' me Merry if ya like, Oi guess. Me ship name's close enough to me person name as Oi won' get confused."

Ghin couldn't respond to that. His blood was still frozen colder than a Drum Island winter. He couldn't move. Toma edged over hesitantly, prodding at the rigger.

"You… You okay Ghin-san?"

"Klabautermann… Are real?" This was bad. This was very, very bad. Ghin swallowed his fear. If Klabautermann were real, that meant… "How long do we have?"

Marian looked away, suddenly unwilling to meet his eyes. "Problem with bein' part o'all o'ye… Oi know so much _future stuffs_. Water Se'en. Jonesie thinks Oi've got 'til Water Se'en."

That meant nothing to Ghin. It could've been the next island, or several islands down. "I- She- You- It's already irreversible?"

"Oi dunno." Marian- Merry- rubbed self-consciously at her arms. More burns were revealed as her battered oilskin shifted around. All the way up her arms, across her shoulders to connect with the ones on her neck. And Ghin would've bet anything there were more he couldn't see. The little caravel's voice shook.

"Oi- Oi panicked, see. Wi'the foir an' the bird an' yer arm an' Toma's skull an' the loneliness an' the _knowin'_. If Oi didn' show meself, we was all toast."

She was a ship. She was a ship and a warrior and a pirate and _a little girl_. Merry was _crying_ now, and the sight was making Ghin sick. He _hated_ it when little girls cried and he couldn't fix it. Little girls were supposed to _laugh_.

Toma looked from Ghin to Merry. "What- what's going on? How can she be the ship?"

Ghin couldn't tear his eyes away to acknowledge the boy's question. The part of his brain that _wasn't_ totally numb, though, tried to answer it. "A Klabautermann… They're the spirits of ships- specifically of ships who are loved by their crews, and who love their crews in return. They only show themselves to their humans if- if the ship is doomed and the spirit is giving the last of its powers to get its family to a safe island."

The blood drained from Toma's face. He squeaked, clapping his hands over his mouth. Then, very quietly… "Is that why you glow?"

"Dunno…" Merry rubbed her eyes on the hem of her oilskin. She was fading, becoming more transparent. Slowly, but it was definitely happening. "Oi only know stuff as me crew know. Nothin' 'bout any glowin' stuff."

Ghin was starting to warm up again, able to think. Time to see if he could dry the tears, if there was anything he could do at all. "Where's the damage?" Depending where the break was, how bad it was, maybe there was still something they could do.

"Keel…" The little caravel sniffled. "Me keel's gonna snap loik a stick o'cinnamon."

"It hasn't already?" A broken keel wasn't something anyone could fix, but if it wasn't fully broken yet…Maybe if it was just a little crack, there was still something they could do. "How bad is it right now?"

"Can' tell. _Scared_. It _hurts_ thinkin' 'bout it. So I don'." Merry forced a smile, suddenly resembling Jones as strongly as she had Luffy a few moments before. "Oi'll be foin. S'long as Oi get e'eryone to Water Se'en, 's good enough for me."

Then she fidgeted, her resemblance to Jones melting into more of a nervous Usopp expression. "Sayin' that, though… C'n ya promise me somethin'? Both o'ye?"

"Of course!" Toma jumped in before Ghin could respond. Not that the rigger was any less enthusiastic. Just… Quieter about it.

Merry fidgeted, one blistered finger rubbing her nose. "When… When ye need a new ship… Take a piece o'me with ye. Please. Anythin', I don' care what. Figure'ead, anchor, e'en a fuckin' board from the bilge… Just _somethin'_ , so's Oi can keep goin' wi'ye. Oi wanna make it to the end o'the Loin too."

"Of course." It was a simple enough request, and one Ghin was glad to fulfill. Something he was sure _someone_ on the crew would've done, even without being asked. They were sentimental like that… Not that he was one to talk.

By now, Merry had almost faded completely from view. Ghin rested his hand on her head, rubbing between the huge horns. "We'll do our best to find a way to save you, though. So you can reach the end of the Grand Line _properly_."

"Jonesie's been tryin'," Merry sniffed. "She ain' thought o'anythin' though. Oi'm scared…"

"Well, maybe with all of us working together, we'll have more luck." If he'd had two arms, Ghin would've hugged the little caravel. As it was, he just kept rubbing her head. "You'll show yourself to the others too, right? Because I don't think Toma and I are all that good at keeping secrets."

"Not about something like this!" Toma confirmed, a little too loudly.

Merry snickered and yawned as she faded away. "Oi'll troi. Roit now, though… Now, Oi need a bit o'rest. Burnin' loik that takes a lot outta me. Yell if ye need anythin'; Oi'll be right 'ere. Always."

Then she was gone. Ghin's hand dropped to his side, no longer supported by Merry's head. He stared at where the little caravel had been standing. Or… Had she? Or was that just some sort of image she projected? Was her human form her body, or was her body the ship on which they stood?

Sighing, Ghin rubbed his head. "Sometimes I think life woulda been easier if I'd stayed in the East Blue."

"Easier… But less fun, right?" Toma's voice was quiet, his eyes almost pleading.

Ghin winced and touched his stump… Then _smiled_. "Aye, a lot less fun."

 **-V-**

"Get up!"

The sun was barely over the horizon when Wyper stomped into the tent. His assumption about the night before had been correct, by the way- Aisa snuck in shortly after sunset to give Usopp and I a plate of what looked like squash stuffed with corn and beans. Different varieties than any I'd seen before, though. For Ruatha, she brought a number of crayfish that looked to have been cooked in some kind of syrup. She also brought cups of a drink that tasted like what you'd get if you mixed dark chocolate, coffee, and chili peppers.

Wyper kicked the dishes aside as he stormed through the tent, ceramic clinking against his cloud skates. The berserker reached behind me to detach three sets of manacles from the tent pole, only to freeze in surprise when he realized that the pole was broken. The glare he fixed on us could've cut granite.

"Who did this?"

"Ni zey!" Ruatha hit his head under my coat. Usopp and I looked at each other nervously; I inclined my head slightly, while the gunner's eyes went wide with fear.

"It was me." My manacles jangled as I shifted slightly in front of the other two, blocking them as much as I could in case Wyper tried anything. His eyes narrowed to pinpricks. I continued.

"We could've escaped at any time, but we didn't. And we _won't_ , because believe it or not, _we don't want to hurt anyone_. Or at least, no one here; we're totally fine with hurting Enel and his priests as much as we can. We'll come with you willingly, let you test us however you will. So please… You can remove the chains. We won't try to run away, I swear."

Wyper snarled at me as he detached our manacles from the pole, clipping them instead to a belt he was wearing that had rings looped through the back. "I don't trust you as far as I can throw you."

"Well, given that you could throw me and I'd come around the world to hit you in the back of the head, you must still trust me fairly far." Okay, _slight_ exaggeration there. I was pretty sure you could do that sort of thing with a golf ball and the moon, if you hit it hard enough, but I had no idea if I could replicate it with my powers. Probably not, but I wouldn't know unless I tried.

"Shut up!"

I spread my arms as wide as the chains would allow. "Come on. What promise can I make that you'll trust?"

"Nothing you can say will sway my decision. Now come _on_."

Wyper dragged us to our feet and pulled us out of the tent. Ruatha squawked and climbed up onto my shoulders, hissing; luckily, my thick clothes and leather armour kept me from being affected by the seastone chains thus caused to drape over my arm. Usopp yelped before suddenly finding a spoonful of courage.

"Hey! There's three of us and one of you! What makes you think you can just drag us around? We could overpower you easy!"

"Only one of who?" came the answering voice as we emerged from the tent. Laki was there, sitting on a large stone pot, an oversized rifle slung across her back. The wicked weapon- which was tipped with a rather jagged bayonet- was at odds with here pretty purple tunic.

Laki pursed her lips as we came into view. "Wyper, is it really necessary to chain them that way? It'll make them slower, and there's enough of us to keep them contained without it."

"There's only two of you," Usopp pointed out. Although he sounded more hesitant now.

"You're wrong about that, Longnose." Kamakiri skidded in on his cloudboard, spraying debris on us as he came to a halt. The dark-skinned warrior fiddled with his goggles and leaned on his spear.

He was followed by towering, chubby Genbo. Striped hat bobbing, the bazooka wielder looked around and sighed. "Braham's late."

"No I'm not!" The final warrior of our entourage ran up, pistols bouncing on his hips. I wondered how he could see, with his toque pulled down over his eyes like that.

Huffing and shaking his head, Wyper turned to Laki. "Yes, chaining them is necessary. We don't know what these people are capable of. Just that they're dangerous. Or did you _not_ see the little girl catch one of my shots like Aisa would a thrown fruit?"

"It's rude to talk about us like we're not here," I muttered before Laki got a chance to reply. That drew Wyper's attention back to me.

"Shut up! You will speak only when spoken to, Blue Sea Dwellers. And you will be _quiet_ when we enter Upper Yard. If you draw Enel's attention to us, you won't live to see what he'll do- I'll kill you myself."

"Go ahead and try- it's what you're itching to do anyway."

"ENOUGH!" Wyper cocked his bazooka, although he looked uncertain as to how well it would work. Before he could find out, Laki hopped down from her perch and got right in his face.

"Wyper, _calm down_. I don't believe in the gods any more than you do, but this might be our best chance. If you screw it up, the chief will never let us leave the village again."

"I- You- ARGH!" He still looked like he wanted to kill someone, but Wyper lowered his weapon. "Fine. But we _are_ keeping them chained."

"We are _not_." Laki glared. "Could _you_ move through the jungle quietly with your hands bound?"

"What? Of course not!" Anyone else probably would've looked sheepish; Wyper was just pissed off. Laki nodded sharply.

"Then how do you expect them to? Unchain them."

Laki didn't actually wait for Wyper to move; she snatched the keys off his belt and started undoing the manacles herself. "I'm sorry about him. Wyper's heart's in the right place, but he's always been a bit of a hot-tempered blockhead."

"Apology accepted." I unwrapped the dragon-slobber-soaked rags from my wrists and gave them back to Usopp. He made a face as he shoved them into his bag. Which seemed to have a special pocket for dirty laundry- good to know.

Laki smiled. "Excellent. Of course, keep in mind that if you try to escape, we'll have to stop you. For your own good, and all, so you don't run into Enel or any of his priests. And you're quite durable, so we may have to get _experimental_ while doing so."

Somehow, Laki's smile and soft words were far more worrying than any of Wyper's shouting. Possibly because I was more afraid of her bayonet than any explosions. Or maybe it was something about the way her eyes flashed darkly as she smiled, or the cold breeze that hit just at that moment. It was hard to tell.

Beside me, Usopp gulped and nodded. "We'll be good!"

"That's what I like to hear." Stepping back, Laki fixed Wyper with her smile. "See? They won't be any trouble."

Wyper grumbled incoherently for a minute before sighing. "Fine. But they better keep up, and they better _be quiet_."

"And just how quiet do you want us to be?" I asked, stroking Ruatha. My dragon purred. "Enel uses Kenbunshoku Haki- you call it Mantra. He can hear the movement of our bones and muscles, the _beating of our hearts_. How do you intend us to be quiet enough not to draw his attention?"

Usopp's eyes lit up. "Are you gonna teach us how to counter Haki?"

"N-!" Wyper froze mid-scowl. Then he seemed almost to deflate for a moment before returning to his usual grumpy self. "We don't have a method for that. Which is why we usually move _quickly_."

"Here," Braham tossed some thing silver at us; Usopp caught it without really looking, "Put these on."

That earned the gunslinger a _glare_ from Wyper. Braham shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant- although it was spoiled by the subtle move he made to hide behind Laki. "What? How else are they supposed to keep up?"

"Fine." Wyper huffed and turned away, folding his arms as he scowled into the distance. "Can we just get moving already?"

Skates. The silvery bundle was two pairs of skates. I put mine on quickly, fingers moving with years of practice. Usopp followed behind, watching what I was doing. When both of us stood, he was a little shaky, although not to bad. I, on the other hand…

"There's something wrong…" The blades were the wrong shape. But maybe… There was a good chance of this failing. Let's call it fifty-fifty; I was either going to succeed, or break them and piss everyone off.

Picking up one foot, I ran my fingers over the blade, alternating pressure and friction with quick bursts in between for me to breathe. Slowly, the metal changed shape. At the very last, I knocked a few triangles out of the front to make a jagged pick. Then I put that foot back on the ground and repeated the process on the other side.

It wasn't perfect- in fact, it was an ugly job that really would've done better with a forge or at least a proper grinder- but it was workable. _Yes_.

Usopp looked at me with concern. "Jones… What're you doing? And should you really be doing it while standing?"

"In reverse order: probably not, and I'm fixing my skates." Thankfully, nothing had broken. Or at least, nothing I didn't want to break. Although the picks I'd made were crude and _uuuuuuug-lee_.

Everyone stared at me. Or, well, some of them were staring at my crudely MacGuyvered figure skates. But really… I could never have done it using the clunky hybrids between hockey and speed skates the way they were originally. I'd trip.

Forcing a smile- which was hard in the face of Wyper's scowling disbelief and disapproval- I bounced up onto my picks to test them. A little uneven, but not bad. I'd never been able to do anything big enough that this would be a problem. "So… Where are we going?"

Shaking his head, Wyper motioned with his hand. _I_ didn't know what it meant, but it made Laki, Kamakiri, Genbo, and Braham immediately surround Usopp and myself. Ruatha growled when Genbo got too close; the bazooka wielder took a cautious step back as my dragon showed his teeth.

"Alright," Wyper snarled, "Let's move out. _Finally_."

Skating on clouds took some getting used to as we moved out. They're much _bouncier_ than ice. More fluid. I certainly wouldn't be pulling any tricks any time soon. I was steadier than Usopp, though, so I did my best to help him along.

Wyper set a punishing pace across the clouds. My lungs began to burn a few minutes in; I upped the air pressure around myself in response. Breathing at this altitude was a _pain_. Strange winds whipped up around me as I played with the pressure; this caused more than one of the Shandians to shoot Usopp strange looks, as they couldn't tell which of us was producing the wind.

"You don't think…?" Kamakiri left the question hanging, addressing Laki as he glanced nervously at Wyper's back. The dark-haired woman shook her head.

"Don't be silly."

"But what if it's _not_ silly?"

"Then we'll have some serious thinking to do. Until then, though, just keep your eyes sharp."

Soon enough, there was a patch of green rising on the horizon. Upper Yard. A great, emerald rainforest set amidst pearly clouds… I wished I had more time to appreciate it. And maybe I would- later.

As it was, we skated into a bay and were up amongst the trees in almost no time. Not that Upper Yard was any less beautiful from the inside. It was eerily quiet in amongst the trees- not loud like there would've been in a rainforest at sea level. I heard the occasional bird call, but no monkeys or insects or anything else. The most distinctive sound was the loud _Jyooooooooooh_ of the southbirds.

Not that we could see any of them. Not as dark as it was among the trees. Like a midnight cathedral made of leaves… And it smelled like one too, all earth and decaying plant life and ozone.

Laki paused and bent down to grab a scoop of earth as we moved under the trees. Wyper snapped his head around with a scowl and a hiss. "Laki! What are you doing?"

"Getting some vearth for Aisa." Laki straightened quickly, slipping a handful of earth into a pouch hanging from her belt. Wyper's frown deepened.

"You don't need to do that. When we retake Shandora, Aisa will have all the vearth she could ever want."

My first instinct was to correct their pronunciation. It was _earth_ , not _vearth_. But instead, it was my second instinct that burst out of my mouth. "I should've known you were just using us as an excuse."

Usopp flailed and clapped his hands over my mouth. "Jones!" The gunner stared around as if he expected disaster to befall us out of nowhere. Wyper was included in this frantic scan. "I thought you said it wasn't safe to say things!"

Growling, Wyper stepped in and grabbed my wrist. My skin crawled; I hate it when people do that. Usopp squeaked and jumped away. Wyper followed the gunner briefly with his eyes before focusing on me.

"Look, Blue Sea Dweller… I don't care what you think about my motivations. I don't care what you think about anything. Yes, I intend to take back Shandora; this may be the only chance we ever get. But I _will_ test you." One corner of Wyper's mouth jerked up, an expression somewhere between a sneer and a snarl. "Not because I believe you can pass. But because I think I'll enjoy seeing false gods fall."

"We never claimed to be gods," Usopp pointed out, fidgeting. "It was all that little girl."

His words made Wyper soften slightly. _Slightly_. The berserker turned away and started heading deeper into the jungle. "Aisa's a good girl. But she's also a fool. Maybe learning she was wrong about you will help her _grow up_."

The soil was soft and thick as we went further in- probably due to a combination of mixing with clouds for hundreds of years, and minimal compaction due to a shortage of large animals. My skates- which I'd hung over my shoulder, tied together by their laces- bounced against my back and chest as we climbed over logs and hills and tree roots. It was uncomfortable, but the only way I could think of to carry them. They wouldn't fit in my utility belt or bandoliers.

A soft rushing sound rose up slowly under the birdcalls and footsteps. Eventually, the source was revealed to be a river meandering through the trees- a river of cloud that wove up and down as well as from side to side. Some of the waterfalls- cloudfalls?- even seemed to go down opposite the current. One Piece physics, everyone.

Wyper turned and led us upriver, towards the source. I frowned. This wasn't the way I'd been expecting him to take us. Not Enel's temple? Hmm… I'd need a new plan, then. A few more minutes of walking, and then the jungle opened out into a lake. There was a small island in the middle, but I couldn't get a very good look at it. There was too much mist rising off the cloudy surface, lit golden by the sun so close.

Living up in the sky like this was hard, but it sure was beautiful.

Wyper grabbed my wrist again, and Usopp's as well. Ruatha puffed up and hissed as the berserker dragged us down to the lakeshore. The other Shandians stood back, watching the perimeter, weapons at the ready.

"Lif mii naalein! Vos shur do dii monah!"

"Shut up, you stupid lizard!" Wyper swatted my baby on the snout. Neither Ruatha nor I nor Usopp took that well.

"SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mar _zuh!_ "

"Don't touch him!"

"Keep your hands off my baby!"

A sonic burst- not the biggest Ruatha could produce, but still fairly substantial- hit Wyper in the chest, stunning him. Usopp waved his hammer in the berserker's face. For my part, I grabbed the hand Wyper'd hit Ruatha with and released a burst of force into it. Not sure how much- I don't think I broke anything, but from the face Wyper made, it sure smarted.

Laki, Kamakiri, Genbo, and Braham all turned and pointed their weapons at us. Wyper raised his hands as they did so, taking a step back.

"It's alright. Don't shoot. We'll let the ancient guardian of Shandora settle them." Taking a few more steps away, the berserker turned his scowl upon the lake. "I may not believe in gods… But I know _monsters_ exist. Face your test, Blue Sea Dwellers."

 _SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_. The cloudy lake started to ripple. Something _bulged_ under the surface, rushing towards the shore. At first I thought it was one of the cloud sharks. But as it got closer, it got _bigger_. Too big. Then blue scales and white fur burst from the lake. Twenty meters, thirty… The snake's head rose high above us, swaying back and forth as she fixed her yellow gaze on Ruatha, Usopp, and myself.

"SHARASHAH!"

Nola opened her mouth wide, jaws unhinging. Condensation dripped from her fangs- fangs that, judging by the arrangement, were venomous. They folded and unfolded like a rattlesnake's. Which… Where I came from, snakes with that kind of fangs used them for _defense_. What could a snake the size of Nola need to defend herself from?

She was so huge… Such a bright blue… I felt myself starting to sway back and forth with the same rhythm as the huge serpent, mesmerized by the gentle motion of her dangling fluffs… Ruatha chirped inquiringly and wrapped his tail tightly around my arm; Usopp waved a hand in front of my face.

"Jones! Jones, are you okay? What's going on? Jones, snap out of it!"

"So fluffy…"

Wyper let out a triumphant snort as Nola surged towards us, her mouth still wide. Usopp, however, groaned. The gunner facepalmed, rubbing his temples. "Not again…"

"So fluffy… So CUTE! Newton's First!"

I launched myself into the air with a burst of force. Even that was only enough to get me about halfway up to Nola's head, so I played with the air pressure around me, kicking off a dense patch to boost myself higher. "Geppo!"

My control with that technique still wasn't great- I overshot at first, falling back down onto Nola's head from several meters up. A soft thump as my leather boots met damp scales. Nola froze, confused. She'd probably never had anything or anyone land on her head before. Crouching down, I gathered a clump of white fur in my hands and rubbed it against my cheek.

So soft… Like tendrils of fluffy cloud.

"Nola's so snuggly! Yes she is!" I laid flat on the snake's head, eyes closed as I cuddled the fluffy clumps of fur. "So fuzzy and soft and pretty… Yes, such a pretty girl. You weren't _really_ gonna eat us, were you? Not such a nice snakey…"

Nola shook her head slowly. There was no way to know if it was in response to my question, or if she was trying to shake me off. If it was the latter, she wasn't doing a very good job of it. I continued snuggling the soft fur. Ruatha whined, claws digging into my shoulders.

"Mo _nah_ …"

Down below, I heard Kamakiri's disbelieving voice. "What… What is she doing?"

"Jones does this _all the time_ ," Usopp groaned. " _Every time_ we meet some sort of giant monster, she has to _hug it_."

Then all of a sudden the gunner burst out laughing. I can only assume he spun around to face Wyper. "This? _This_ was your big test? Sending us to face a _snake_? You're an idiot! You'll be lucky if Jones doesn't make a pet out of it!"

Nola was shaking her head more aggressively now, definitely trying to get me off. I had to open my eyes to find handholds, make sure I didn't fall. No, I wasn't about to cling on using friction, not to a living being. I might hurt Nola's pretty scales!

Down below, Usopp looked worried… But so did the Shandians. This clearly wasn't going as they had expected. Still rubbing Nola's fluffs against my cheek, I released one hand briefly in order to wave.

"Usopp, you've gotta try this! Just touch some of her fur- it's so fluffy I could die!"

"I- You- Ugh…" Usopp edged slowly towards the body of the massive snake, looking like he wanted to bolt. Then he rested one hand on blue scales, the other in damp, white fur. His eyes lit up with surprise; he started rubbing.

"Wow… I've never felt fur this soft."

" _Monah_." Ruatha whined again and butted his head into the back of mine. Then he rubbed his head against my neck, humming. When that still didn't get him my attention, he began thumping his head against Nola's. She didn't notice, too concerned with trying to detach me from her fur.

"SHASHASHASHASHA!"

Clouds whipped up from the lake as Nola's tail, still immersed, began to lash. The snake squirmed, before lunging to snap at the first person she saw. Laki. And as much as I loved her fluff, my good feelings quickly went sour.

"Oi! Be good!"

I slapped Nola's head, releasing a small burst of force. Not enough to do any real damage; plenty enough to give her a good sting, though. The enormous snake froze, startled.

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAA?"

"Eating people isn't nice," I admonished. Nola blinked and closed her mouth. She looked almost sheepish. I rubbed the spot I'd slapped gently.

"It's okay. I know you're not a bad girl. No one ever taught you manners, is all." Looking down at the ground, I raised my eyebrows at Wyper. "So… When's the test coming?"

"That… _was_ the test." Wyper's left eye twitched; I think I broke him.

"Nola was the test?" I snuggled a clump of white fur, despite Ruatha's chirping protests. "That's not very nice… You shouldn't pull her into your shenanigans."

Wyper continued to twitch. Usopp smirked at him smugly. "So… If the snake was the test," the gunner asked slowly, "What was _supposed_ to happen?"

Since Wyper was too stunned- or possibly infuriated, it was hard to tell- to answer, Laki did it for him. Her hands were shaking as she clung to her rifle; the angel bowed her head. "The… The guardian serpents were once considered gods themselves. Legend says they were supposed to _eat you_ if you proved imposters."

Oh. I rubbed Nola's head some more. "Well, that's silly. Nola wouldn't eat us, would you?"

"SSSSSRRRRRRR…"

The snake scowled. Down below, the Shandian warriors were all just… staring. Like they weren't sure what to do with this turn of events. Me? I saw two options. Option one was to get Usopp and ride Nola out of here like Fremen on a sandworm. But that could hurt the snake… So option two might be better.

Quickly putting my skates back on, I slid down Nola's back like a slide. I landed beside Usopp with a thump, skate blades digging into the dirt. Which wasn't the best for them, but I could be careful.

"And now comes the part where we ditch the highly dangerous sky warriors on their own turf," I said cheerfully. Usopp paled. Turning to face the Shandians, I bowed dramatically. When I spoke, I did my best impression of Miguel from _The Road to El Dorado_.

"Thanks for putting us up for the night. Your prison tent was absolutely lovely. But if you don't mind, we're on a schedule. Have to get back to our crew, take down some false gods and priests, that sort of thing. See you later."

Scooping Usopp up in my arms- which set him flailing- I turned and jumped onto the surface of the cloudy lake. Usopp immediately stopped flailing in favour of clinging tightly to my neck.

"Don't you dare drop me!"

"Nepnepnepnepnepnepnep!" Ruatha cackled as we sped away through the mist. And… smoke? I could smell something burning as we crossed the lake. Couldn't go looking for the source, though, not when I could hear the Shandians snapping back to their senses right behind us.

"They're getting away! After them!"

"Shoot them!"

"I can't _see_ them to aim!"

The mist and smoke closed tight around us. I did my best not to disturb them too much. Of course, while they kept us relatively hidden from our pursuers, they also made it harder for me to see where I was headed. "Usopp, your eyes are better than mine. Can you see anything over the top of the mist?"

"Liddle bid o'da forest," Usopp responded, holding his nose against the smell of smoke. "Why?"

"Tell me if you see anything that looks like a temple or a city or something poking above the trees. That's where we're headed."

"Okay." Then… "Jones… I don'd dink you really 'ad a plan. Or did you _know_ da mist was gonna be here?"

"Not a clue," I bit my lip. "The smoke neither. When I said I had a plan, I was expecting them to take us somewhere else. No big deal, though; we still got away just fine."

Usopp gasped for breath as we got further away from the smoke. Then he whined. " _Please_ don't say that 'til we're back with the others," he begged. "It's just _asking_ for us to get caught again."

Then, before I could respond, the gunner pointed at something to my left. "There! Some sort of roof- a temple or fancy building!"

"Excellent." Grinning, I turned and skated towards what Usopp had seen. Not that I could skate very long; we hit the shore all too soon. I didn't bother taking my skates off, though; there was no time, and I could move well enough in them on solid ground. "City of gold, here we come. Come on, Usopp, let's follow that trail!"

"What trail?"

"The trail that we blaze!" Although we'd blaze it carefully. Didn't want to make our passage _too_ obvious- the last thing we needed was Wyper and company attacking the crew while Luffy was dealing with Enel.

 **-V-**

{{I'm really starting to hate these guys,}} Drifter grumbled as Geier dove through a gap in the trees to avoid yet another giant southbird. The vulture rolled her eyes.

{{You're telling me. It's not _your_ tail feathers they keep ripping out.}} Geier moaned wistfully. {{Why, _why_ did that idiot with the magic sword have to break my gun?}}

{{Because you would've shot him with it?}}

Geier hissed. {{No one likes a smartass.}}

{{Except you.}} Drifter patted Geier's neck. {{Don't worry. I'm sure we can get you a new gun next time we visit a town for any length of time. Something nice, light, and fully automatic.}}

{{I'll hold you to that.}}

{{Get back here and die, Sea Rats!}} The giant southbird clawed at the trees blocking its path. It let out a shriek of anger; the wood was too strong for it to get through.

{{I'd really rather not.}} Geier waggled her tail in the avian equivalent of giving someone the middle finger. Drifter cackled.

"UH EE! UH UH UH EE!"

{{You're lucky I'm not an owl,}} Geier drawled, {{Else you would've blown out my eardrums years ago.}}

{{Why would I want an owl for a partner? You're so much more…}} Drifter trailed off as he saw a flash of _something_ through the trees. He frowned. {{Left!}}

{{Left? What's left?}} Geier turned on her tailfeathers to face the direction Drifter had indicated. When she did, her eyes went wide. {{Is that…?}}

{{So you see it too. I'm not imagining things…}} Drifter's paws went to his blades. Geier sighed.

{{Even if he _was_ here, the chances he still _is_ are very low. And it might not be his.}}

{{We won't know until we check it out.}}

Snorting, Geier swooped down to land by the object of their discussion. A piece of torn fabric, faded from what looked like months in the sun. Once upon a time, it had been bright scarlet. Geier clacked her beak.

{{Well, it's the right colour, but that's it. Whatever it is, it's been out here so long… You'll never be able to tell what it was a part of, let alone get a scent off of it.}}

Drifter grabbed the cloth and crumpled it into a ball. {{I know that,}} the otter snarled. {{But it still means he _could_ have been here, that we _could_ be on the right trail. That's better than nothing. Just let me do a quick sweep, see if there's anything else around.}}

Hopping off Geier's back, Drifter began nosing around through the undergrowth. The cloudy soil felt so weird under his paws- too soft, and somehow both warm and cold at the same time. Very damp too, although he didn't mind that bit.

No matter how hard he tried, though, Drifter couldn't smell anything out of the ordinary. Not even on the cloth, let along the jungle floor. No, all he smelled was clouds, dirt, plant matter, and the ever-present smell of those infernal southbirds and their relatives. Couldn't even smell many land animals, which was odd. Although there was a canine scent and a human-ish smell. Not quite human- there was bird mixed in, like with everything else up here- but pretty close. Interesting…

Heavy wingbeats approached overhead. Geier looked up at the sky and snapped, her feathers fluffing out. {{Hate to cut an investigation short, but we've got company. Quick look around took a bit too long.}}

{{Not another one!}} Drifter leapt onto his partner's back and readied his blades as she launched herself into the air.

What appeared through the trees, though, was no southbird. No, it resembled a great golden eagle, except its feathers were purple and red and it was at least twenty times the size. A human- or maybe not; humans didn't usually have wings- rode on its back. Both bird and rider were singed and terrified, as if they'd just been chased out of a burning house by a ghost. Or maybe a ghost had tried to light them on fire.

Drifter smelled his crew on them. Strongest were Ghin and Toma, but he smelled everyone, including the tangerine trees and tar of the _Going Merry_.

{{I think they attacked the ship,}} the otter snarled, gesturing towards the strange bird rider as the huge avian soared overhead. Geier glared and pumped her wings hard, taking off in pursuit.

{{Understood.}}

For a while, they simply chased the larger team through the upper canopy. Drifter didn't think the winged person and the giant eagle even knew he and his partner were there. At least, not until the large pair swung around in a wide arc to halt in the air facing himself and Geier. Both birds hovered, although Drifter's partner did so much more gracefully than the larger raptor.

The humanoid jabbed some sort of lance at the Unluckies accusingly. "You! What are you and why are you following us?"

Rolling his eyes, Drifter quickly wrote up one of his signs. He hated having to communicate this way- so awkward- but it couldn't be helped. _We're members of the crew whose ship you just tried to burn._

"You… First phantoms, now animals?" Drifter had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but okay then… The eagle rider lowered his lance. "Ah, well, at least I can fight _you_. Prepare yourselves, heathens, for you face the Trial of String! Heat Lance!"

The eagle rider's lance lit up orange, glowing with flames as he and his mount shot towards the Unluckies. Drifter gripped his clam blades tight, preparing for battle. Beneath him, Geier _grinned_. Her eyes lit up like stars as she surged forward.

{{Screw getting me a new gun- I want his pointy stick!}}

{{Your wish is my command.}} Drifter tipped his hat briefly before launching himself off of Geier's back as their opponents came in range. {{Bell Toll!}}

 **-V-**

"How. Could they. ESCAPE?" Wyper blasted a rock with his Burn Bazooka; said rock shattered.

"What happened to being quiet?" Laki asked wryly. Wyper didn't bother to acknowledge her question.

How had those Blue Sea Dwellers managed to get away? They shouldn't have been able to out-skate him! Not across the cloud lake! Especially not with those strange modifications the girl had made to her blades- it should've made skating quickly impossible! But they were gone, there was no question of it, disappeared into the mist and smoke.

He'd worry about where the smoke was coming from later. _After_ he regained his captives. Probably just Enel destroying something to show off his powers anyway.

"Kamakiri! Head back to the village! We need backup- trackers. Yotsubane and Mayushika, at least!" No matter how hard the Blue Sea Dwellers hid, those two should be able to find them.

Fidgeting, Kamakiri looked away. "You know the chief won't allow it. We should ret-!"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CHIEF WILL OR WILL NOT ALLOW!" Wyper slammed his bazooka on the ground for emphasis. " _I_ AM THE WAR LEADER! AND WE ARE _AT WAR!_ WE NEED TRACKERS TO FIND THE BLUE SEA DWELLERS! AND AFTER THAT, WE NEED BACKUP TO TAKE DOWN ENEL AND HIS PRIESTS! THE TIME IS _NOW_!"

"Don't you think-?"  
"JUST GO!"

"Yessir!" Kamakiri sped away towards the village. A small wake billowed up behind him; the mist and fog swirled.

Wyper sighed, although it sounded more like a growl. He just wanted to get his people's homeland back, and then be left alone. Why was that so much to ask? It shouldn't have been so complicated.

For several minutes, he, Laki, Braham, and Genbo walked in silence, searching for any sign of the Blue Sea Dwellers. For a trio who'd never been in the jungles of Shandora before, they were doing a surprisingly good job of concealing themselves. Both on the lake and on the shore… They were cleverer that way than most of Enel's priests; Wyper would give them that much. But it made them all the more frustrating. If only one of his warband could use Mantra as Aisa could… The little girl would be the best tracker in the village someday soon.

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

A trio of cloud wolves appeared out of the undergrowth, snarling. Behind them, Wyper caught a glimpse of a half-eaten cloud shark with more wolves surrounding it. The largest wolf took a step towards him, its teeth bared; he fired his bazooka in response.

 _KA-FWOOM!_

"Ar! Ar! Ar! Ar! Ar!" The cloud wolves took off, yelping. Even the ones around the shark carcass wanted nothing to do with the area. Laki shot Wyper a reproachful look.

"Was that really necessary?"

"Yes."

More silence. Unable to find tracks, Wyper kicked a tree. _Hard_. The tree shook but didn't crack; his foot burned. Laki shook her head and opened her mouth, probably to give him another of her interminable lectures on self-control. Which… He'd just had one last night, so this was a bit ahead of schedule. Usually she waited at least three days in between.

Before Laki could get started, though, Genbo spoke up. "The snake didn't eat them."

"What?" Wyper froze mid-stride. _What the fuck was Genbo going on about?_

"The strangers," Genbo said quietly, "The snake didn't eat them. All the old stories say that if a stranger is presented to the snakes and lives, it's because the snakes recognized their divinity. You told them yourself that's why we brought them here."

"Just stories," Wyper snapped. His friends weren't seriously buying into this, were they? There was no such thing as gods who fell from the sky. "I only said that because I _wanted_ the snake to eat them. One less thing for me to worry about in this war."

"But it _is_ what the old stories say," Braham mused. "What if… What if they're true?"

"Not you too." Wyper groaned and ground his knuckles into his forehead. "Look… There are no gods. Just _men_."

" _AHEM_."

"And women," Wyper added as Laki tapped her foot. He knew better than to open up _that_ argument again. "Just _people_ who have strange powers. And once we reclaim Shandora from Enel, we'll find out _how_ his powers work so _no one can take our home again_."

Coming to a momentary halt, Wyper took a deep breath. "This is going too slowly. We'll cover more ground if we split up."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Laki frowned in concern. Wyper looked away, the better to prevent her from talking him down.

"If we stick together, we're less likely to find the Blue Sea Dwellers _and_ we're an easier target for Enel and his priests. Just go; we'll meet back by the shore at sunset to check in."

"Very well." Laki briefly reached out to brush Wyper's hand. "Take care of yourself… War Leader."

"You as well. I don't want to lose any soldiers if I can avoid it."

Wyper didn't turn around, so he didn't see what caused Genbo and Braham to sigh before disappearing into the trees. Laki stayed for a moment longer, but then she too stepped away and vanished. They did their training proud, although there was only so much concealment amongst the trees could do against Enel's Mantra and lightning.

Which… There had been no sign of Enel since they'd entered the jungle. Either the false god was occupied with someone else… Or he was _planning something_.

That wasn't a reassuring thought. Enel _rarely_ bothered to plan things- he didn't need to. So if he _was_ planning something… Wyper was worried. Because he had no way to predict what such a plan might _be_ or who Enel would be aiming for.

Worry boiled over into _anger_ as Wyper shoved his way through the undergrowth in search of the Blue Sea Dwellers. This was a waste of his _time_. Maybe he should just go after Enel first, _then_ deal with the strangers. They were less of a threat… right?

. . .

He'd left his Reject Dial in his tent. Stupid, stupid, _stupid_. This was supposed to be quick, in and out fast enough to keep the chief happy. Going after Enel without the Reject Dial would be tantamount to _suicide_.

Wait… That girl, the Blue Sea Dweller. The way she'd caught it when he fired at her, the way she broke the tent pole while awkwardly bound, the way she must've flown to the village after taking his fire to protect her ship… She _was_ a living Reject Dial, wasn't she? So if he could find her, he could take out Enel. Didn't she say she wanted to do that too?

Storming through the trees, Wyper searched with renewed vigour. A part of him was glad, now, that the Blue Sea Dwellers hadn't been eaten. Their _existence_ was still a frustration, but he'd deal with that later.

There. Was that a blade mark in the soil? Had the Blue Sea Dwellers not taken their skates off after leaving the lake? Ducking down over a floating ball of cloud, Wyper looked closer. Yes, definitely skate marks. Well, that was a good way to ruin the blades. What a waste. Although it made sense, if they were in a hurry…

There weren't enough tracks for him to tell which way they were going, though. Just the one blade, and a slight hole in the ground beside it. As if the Blue Sea Dwellers were jumping around in an effort to hide their passage. Strange… But it seemed to be working for them. Growling, Wyper straightened and continued.

A light wind sprang up, rustling the leaves and causing more cloud spheres to appear and swarm about his head. Wyper waved them away angrily. Stupid things… He didn't need that kind of distraction. Now, there had to be another blade mark around here somewhe- there! And there was a third! So they were going… that way!

Towards the heart of Old Shandora.

And not by the fastest route. There was a shortcut- Wyper would be able to go around and intercept them, pick them up before they got there. And at that point they'd be close enough to launch an attack on Enel's stronghold easily. _Excellent_.

Turning slightly, Wyper headed for the path he knew the chief hated that he knew about. What was left of an ancient highway- well-hidden and overgrown, but still useable. He bounded quickly through the forest, batting aside the occasional cloud ball- those things were so annoying. He had to make sure he got to the crossing as soon as possible. He may be taking a shortcut, but the Blue Sea Dwellers had a head start and unknown powers.

 _FWAM!_

And then one of the cloud balls blew up in his face, chains exploding everywhere. The explosion nearly made Wyper drop his bazooka- _nearly_. He'd been trained since he was a child not to relinquish his weapon involuntarily.

More concerning was the fact that several of the chains had wrapped around him and _bound him to a tree_. He could barely move. Fighting Enel- fighting _anyone_ \- like this wouldn't be easy. And it would only give the Blue Sea Dwellers more time to get away…

He was such an _idiot_. He hadn't been paying attention, hadn't realized he was walking into Satori's area of the jungle. Some of those annoying balls were laced with _traps_. And he'd _fallen for it_. And now he _couldn't move_. The one good thing was that no one was here to see him trapped this way, but even then… Whether one of his own people, or the Blue Sea Dwellers, or the priests, someone was bound to show up soon. And Wyper would be helpless in dealing with them if he couldn't get free.

Wyper's anger boiled over. He was just. So. _Angry_. At Enel, at the priests, at himself. He shouldn't have fallen for such a stupid, obvious trap. Letting his short-term goals blind him… Throwing his head back, Wyper let out an enraged _scream_.

"GRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

 **-V-**

"What are you doing, Aisa?"

Startled out of her concentration, Aisa glanced up at Isa. "I'm checking which kind of stones look best with ololiuqui flowers!"

"Okay…" Isa frowned thoughtfully. "But… Why? We don't build with stone."

"But when we reclaim Shandora, we _will_." The ololiuqui showed best against reddish flints and jaspers… Aisa hoped she'd be able to find enough to build the shrine. Rocks were in a bit of a short supply when you lived in the sky.

The problem was that red stones did _not_ look good with sinicuichi, which she also wanted to include. _That_ looked better with jet- which was in even shorter supply. And mixitl looked best with jet too, although tlapatl was equally pretty against any stone. So did pipiltzintzintli… The little girl groaned and clutched at her hair.

"I can't leave out one of the sacred flowers just because it doesn't match the stone! There has to be something that will work!"

Isa blinked slowly, stepping forward to place her hand on Aisa's shoulder. "Aisa… What in Shandora's name are you trying to do?"

"The gods returned in order to help us retake Shandora," Aisa explained, comparing her flower samples to another set of stones. Maybe if she chose something grey… Yes, a dark grey should be a good compromise. Maybe a polished granite… "Once we return to our old home, I'm gonna build them a new shrine as thanks. It has to be _perfect_ , though, so I've gotta plan it _now_."

"Oh Aisa…" Isa pulled Aisa into a hug. It was kind of uncomfortable… Her wings were getting crushed. Aisa squirmed free.

"Put me down! I've got important stuff to do!" Now, what colour should the altar cloth be?

Shaking her head, Isa patted Aisa once more and wandered away. The little girl didn't pay her any mind. Aisa was completely occupied by fabric. She needed something that would match the blue ololiuqui, yellow sinicuichi, white tlapatl, purple mixitl, and green pipiltzintzintli all at once. And it had to stand out against the stone…

Blue. Maybe if she matched the blue of the ololiuqui. Yes, that should work. And it was a colour that went well with her hair, so if she made her robes to match, Laki wouldn't come after her about not looking like a lady.

And the lamps and such would be gold, of course. There were bound to be some old artifacts somewhere. Gold didn't tarnish, so a quick cleaning should be enough. Of course, she'd need to use the sacred oils, but those were relatively easy to get.

Now, what to paint on the walls…

According to Calli, most of the old temples had pictures depicting the gods' deeds. Which meant all the old stories had already been painted… That wouldn't do. She needed something _new_ , something that would set her shrine apart. Something that would honour the gods and the opening of a new era.

. . .

What she needed was to paint the story of the gods as they took down Enel. _That_ would honour their deeds and open the new era. But for that… For that, she needed to _see_ them defeat Enel.

Stopping suddenly, Aisa bolted to her tent. No one was there, not with Laki out with Wyper. The little girl quickly gathered a few essentials- a vision dial, paper and charcoal for sketching, her knife, a blanket, and some snack rations. Tucking it all into a little pack, Aisa peeked out the front of her tent… Then slipped out under the back. No one was around, all occupied with their daily tasks. No one saw her leave.

Aisa scrambled down to the river and grabbed one of the cloudboards the warriors sometimes used. She'd practiced with them before, in anticipation of being able to join Wyper and Laki when she was older. And with her Mantra, she could track the gods- she'd gotten a good feel for them when she brought them food. And Nanhuatzin had a _very_ distinctive aura.

Clouds splashed around her as Aisa jetted away. Just before she got out of sight of the village, she thought she heard someone calling her name. Calli or Isa or the chief. She didn't look back to see who it was, though. Getting a picture of the gods fighting Enel was more important.

 **-V-**

Bounding through the jungle towards the temple was easier once I'd put Usopp down. The gunner scrambled along ahead of me, keeping his eyes on the temple roof he'd spotted. His breathing was heavy; unlike me, he couldn't increase the air pressure around his head. So while he'd adjusted better to the thin atmosphere than I initially, his endurance still had a lower limit.

And mine wasn't doing all that hot either.

"Sounds like… your breath… can run better… than you can," I panted as we raced through the undergrowth. Usopp frowned.

"If that was… a joke… I don't think it's very… funny."

"Running…? Catch your breath…? Eh, forget it…" I stopped talking and focused on my feet. Just in time too- my toe picks nearly caught on a log. Running like this in skates was _not_ one of my best plans.

Then the trees opened up and we nearly slammed into a stone wall.

Yes, stone. The temple Usopp had spotted was _not_ part of the city of gold. It was an aged ring of walls and buildings, half covered in vines, made of clearly _white_ stone. Or, it had once been white. But definitely not gold.

Usopp skidded to a stop so quickly he fell back on his ass. I was right behind him, my blades ripping gouges in the forest floor as I came to a halt. Ruatha squawked, flaring his wings in surprise.

"Monah?"

"Is this that city of gold?" Usopp asked as he stood, brushing himself off. I shook my head slowly.

"No… This isn't the right place at all…" It _did_ look familiar, though. "Come on, let's check it out."

Usopp's eyes went wide. For a moment, I worried he might bolt. Instead, though… Instead he scrambled up the nearest wall and poked his head over the edge. Less than a second later, he ducked down and hissed at me, still hanging off the wall like a cat.

"There's people in there!"

"People?" My stomach sank. The only people who it _could_ be… They'd probably already heard us arrive. We should run. We didn't, though. Instead, Usopp continued hanging and I jumped up beside him. One of my toe picks dug into a crack in the stones; my hands closed over the top of the wall. My heart stopped at what I saw.

Enel. Enel and his priests. We'd stumbled onto Enel's home. And most of his followers were there.

Most. Not all. The guy with the bird- Shura?- was conspicuously absent. But the others were all there- Gedatsu the idiot, Ohm and his giant dog, Yama the destroyer, Satori of the spheres, all those weird looking goat guys… I flattened myself to the wall as much as I could, Usopp and Ruatha following my lead. Not that it would help us much. Enel must've heard us coming ages ago with his Haki.

So…

Why wasn't he reacting?

No, that wasn't right- Enel _did_ react. I saw his eyes flick over at Usopp and I, where we were hanging. But he didn't say anything; no lightning rained from the sky. And none of his priests seemed to notice us at all. They just stayed where they were, squabbling quietly, until Enel tapped his staff on the stone.

"Enough! There's a reason I called you all together- don't make me waste time listening to your petty grievances."

Everyone shut down immediately- although Ohm was still glowering at Satori, and Gedatsu was chewing on his own hair like a piece of gum. Enel stared at them with hooded eyes, toying thoughtfully with his staff.

"Good. Now, we have here and _unprecedented_ number of outlaws running around Upper Yard- one of whom claims to be _immune to my powers_." I wouldn't call the expression that grew across Enel's face a smile, but it was something similar. With a lot of smug malice mixed in. "We can't let anyone go around _believing_ that, now, can we?"

The priests nodded one by one. Ohm turned his scowl from Satori to just general grumpiness. "What do you want us to do about it?" No preamble, just straight to business.

"I want you to track down the outlaws and kill them. Kill them _all_." Enel's malicious expression broadened. "Except the one named _Luffy_. The one who claims to be immune to my powers. Leave _him_ to me. I wish to make an example of him. Let him know what happens to people who dare to challenge God."

"Yes sir!" The priests spoke in unison. Some of them gave the odd little Skypeian salute, although most didn't.

I felt something boiling up in my chest, my throat. Words. Like when I snarked at Arlong, so long ago. I bit my lip. Usopp must've seen something in my face, because he edged one hand over to brush against mine. A supportive gesture.

But support wasn't what I wanted.

 _Please, Criwe, Natrimpe, Patoll… Perkunas and Laukosargas and Kurche. Gods of ancient Pruten, forgive me for the claims I am about to make_. Not that I was _too_ worried about what my gods would think, not really. They _did_ tend to have more of a sense of humour than most of the more familiar pantheons.

The priests were preparing to move out. I didn't want to let them leave. Turning to Usopp, I whispered softly. "Usopp… You said you're out of ammunition. Does that include smoke bombs and sparklers? Stuff you could use for a distraction?"

Usopp shook his head. His knees were trembling. "No… I have some of those. Not a lot, but some. Why?"

"Because I'm _scared out of my mind_ , but I _can't get these words out of my head_ , and if I'm gonna give in and _do it_ , then I'm gonna do it _right_." I shivered. "Not… Judging by last time, this might get me killed. You don't have to stick around- I just need the smoke bombs."

"And leave you without the best backup on the Grand Line?" Usopp looked both terrified and offended. "Not a chance! I'm not leaving you alone to die!"

He gulped. "A-After all… You need at least three false gods to take down a real one… right?"

"Not exactly…" I turned back to glare over the wall at Enel. "I know what he is… And I know what he's not. And he's _not_ a _god_."

 _That_ got Enel's attention. He stiffened and froze; his right eye twitched. All of his priests paused too, on their way out into the jungle. Slowly, so slowly, everyone turned to look at me, Ruatha, and Usopp.

My baby chirped nervously.

Gedatsu was the first to say something, jumping back in surprise. For a given value of _say_ , that is. "MMMM! MMMM MMM MMMM MMM MMMM?!"

Satori rolled his eyes. "You need to open your mouth. Idiot."

"OH! RIGHT!" Gedatsu's voice was loud enough to hurt my ears even from this far away. "WHEN DID THEY GET HERE?!"

"They've been there for _ages_ ," Yama grumbled.

Enel turned his hooded gaze on me with a sniff. His earlobes waved gently with every movement of his head… It was both weird and fascinating. Kind of gross, at least to me. Those earlobes were _huge_ \- what did he do to get them to do that?

"And who are you to challenge my divinity?" Oh, I just wanted to punch Enel in his smug face. But since that would just get me electrocuted, I did the next best thing. Namely, gave in to the words boiling up in my throat.

Clearly, my writer _really_ wanted to make this reference.

Hauling myself up over the wall, I jumped down into Enel's courtyard. I wished we'd come up with hand signs for crew communication as I waved vaguely at Usopp behind my back. We _really_ needed to get on that- it would be so useful. Thankfully, the gunner seemed to know what I needed. A small smoke bomb hit the ground at the same moment I did, exploding into a cloud around me.

"I hardly think you're qualified to come across all sanctified." Standing in front of Enel and his priests, I was glad to still be wearing my skates. They added about ten centimeters to my height. "You just don't cut it with the cherubim."

A vein twitched on the side of Enel's forehead. On my shoulders, Ruatha stood up tall and flared his wings. Usopp jumped down behind me, one hand full of more smoke bombs as his knees shook. His other hand held a collection of sparklers.

Momentarily dropping control of the air pressure around myself, I ramped up my own personal gravity. Fast. Usopp and Ruatha braced themselves- they hadn't been expecting it, but they knew what was happening. The priests didn't. Many of them splayed their feet wide, or even fell forward as they tried to support themselves. Only Enel remained unaffected.

I waved my hands at the priests who were struggling to keep their balance. Keeping my voice steady when I could barely breathe was a struggle- it hurt my chest and throat- but I managed. For a few words at least.

"There again, they're on their knees. Being worshipped is a breeze."

"I b-bet you b-barely know the words to any hymn," Usopp stammered accusingly at Enel as I got my breath back. The sparklers in his hand suddenly all burst into flames without him seeming to do anything.

A neat trick. I wondered how it worked.

Most of the priests were just staring at us, unsure what to make of this intrusion. Even after I dropped control over gravity in order to pick up air pressure again, no one moved. Except Enel- one of his eyes was twitching as a vein throbbed in his temple.

"It's tough to be a god! To tread where mortals have not trod!" I Geppoed over to Enel, Ruatha taking off from my shoulders to fly circles overhead. Feeling rather daring, I actually slung my arm briefly around the lightning logia's shoulders; this seemed to stun him and his priests even more.

"Count your blessings! Keep 'em sweet- that's our advice."

"It's great advice," Usopp put in. His voice was less shaky now, and he was juggling his smoke bombs and sparklers. Funny, I didn't know he could juggle. Although it made sense- a sniper like him needed _excellent_ hand-eye coordination.

The goat-looking guys were fascinated by Usopp's juggling, their eyes following his sparklers and shining. As if they were hypnotized. This emboldened him. While he still kept further back than I did, his voice grew louder and the pattern of his juggling more intricate.

"Be an object of devotion! Be the subject of psalms! It's a rather touching notion- all those prayers and those salaams!" Usopp shot me a meaningful look as he threw one of his sparklers _really_ high into the air. "Got a supernatural habit!"

"We'd be crazy not to grab it!" A big jump carried me away from Enel- just in time to avoid a zapping, I think- so my hand could close over the sparkler. By some miracle I caught the end that wasn't on fire before falling down to land at Usopp's side.

Arm in arm, Usopp and I thrust our sparklers skyward. A small release of force was enough to set them exploding in a shower of embers as Usopp dropped his smoke bombs to create a huge cloud. The gunner and I spoke in unison. "So sign on three new gods for Paradise!"

"Los buruk kosa aan rah," Ruatha put in, landing on my shoulder now that I was further from Enel, "Nuz waan hei lost faal joriinheii krolurend…"

I wasn't sure what my baby said, but I couldn't hesitate, couldn't miss a beat. So I rubbed my dragon's head and fixed my gaze on Enel, steady as I could. A chaotic neutral grin grew across my face. "You've been deified, but really, you're a sham."

 _Crunch_.

I'd never heard gold _crack_ like that before. Didn't even know it was possible. But for a moment, Enel gripped his staff so hard that the malleable metal _splintered_. Beside me, Usopp paled. The gunner clung to my back without prompting, knowing I had the fastest way to make an escape.

Enel was _glowing_ now, a dangerous shade of blue-white. Heat rolled off him. Most of his priests _bolted_ (pun!) without even a word. The few remaining- Gedatsu, Satori, and Ohm- took off at a glare and snarl from the irate lightning logia.

" _Go. Find the others. Kill them. Leave these ones and the one named Luffy for_ _ **me**_."

"Yessir!" Even stoic Ohm scuttled away so fast that he left a bit of an afterimage.

 _ZZZZZZZZZT!_

A bolt of lightning struck where I'd just been standing as I leapt into the air. It was followed by a second; that one struck the wall behind me. There was no time to say the name of the technique as I Geppoed out of there like I had an angry thunderstorm on my tail. Which I did. Usopp clung tight to my back, burying his face in Ruatha's wings.

"Why did you do that? Why did _I_ do that? That was insane! We're dead! We're dead, we're dead, we're dead!"

We did it, my dear gunner, because my writer is pulling the strings for her own amusement. And also because I thought it was funny, despite how terrifying and dangerous the situation was.

"Feels good, don't it?" I forced a smile, although my heart was pounding somewhere around my small intestine, making me nauseous. On the plus side, Enel seemed to be so aggressively _pissed off_ that he'd forgotten to use his Haki to take aim at us.

For now. In case he calmed down, I needed to at least make an effort at concealing my intentions. So I started humming, filling the air and my mind with distraction and instinct. Hopefully it would be enough to keep Enel from getting a lock on me, since I was the one who was doing most of the moving and dodging.

 _This is the song that never ends! Yes, it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends…_

 **ZZZZZZZZZT!**

Haki or no, Enel was still _trying_ to hit us. And he was _fast_. Even if I could keep him from getting a lock, I couldn't _lose_ him. Electricity made my hair stand on end with every near miss. Usopp's too. Within short order, Ruatha had morphed into some sort of static-filled puffball.

A flock of giant southbirds took to the sky, screaming, as one of the lightning bolts struck just a little too close to home.

Electrostatic force… The song in my head faded away as I wracked my brains. Shouldn't I be able to do _something_ with this? But we'd confirmed in Alabasta that I couldn't absorb it, back when Nami had been testing her Clima-Tact. So what…?

Tabarnak. I had no idea.

 _ZZZZZZZZZZZZT!_

A bolt of lightning broke a tree branch I settled on briefly to catch my breath. So many successive Geppos was taking a toll on my lungs. I really needed to learn to do that without forces… More training. Later. When we had time.

I fell as the wood shattered, spinning around from the weight on my back. Instinct made me fling my arms out, even though there was nothing there to grab or strike. Nothing but Enel's enraged face, still glowing blue-white as he closed in. His skin pulled tight in a death grin, the lightning logia hauled one arm back… And hurled a lightning bolt like Zeus from the legends.

As it often does when I'm in danger, time seemed to slow down. Or maybe my brain sped up- I've never figured out exactly how it works. Of course, no matter what was going on, it was still _lighting_ coming at me, so it was still bloody _fast._ Just… More like an arrow. Something I could actually track, even if I couldn't get out of the way.

My body moved on its own, karate instincts taking over. Right hand up and across in kake uke, just before the lightning struck. And it… moved? The bolt of lightning that had been about to hit me in the chest slid off to the side, slamming into a tree instead.

The tree _exploded_ in a shower of bark and splinters.

Time sped up again. Still clinging to my back with his legs, Usopp reached his arms up and grabbed a vine, swinging us out of the way as Enel flew forward. The lightning logia slammed into yet another tree, unable to stop fast enough. Usopp stared at me in shock as I launched us back into the air.

Lighting pun.

"What was _that?_ " Usopp demanded. He was shaking; I was shaking. And something warm and wet was trickling over my shoulder from between Ruatha's legs. Lovely.

I shook my head, panting. "No idea… Electricity's a force, but… Didn't know… When Nami tested…" So, I couldn't absorb electricity, but I could _deflect_ it. If I was fast enough. Good to know.

Usopp suddenly clung tighter to my shoulders. "Whatever it was, I hope you can do it again!"

Enel had risen behind us, still raging. Merde. What in the Nine Hells was I going to do about that? Because even if he couldn't hurt me any more than I could hurt him, he could still hurt my passengers. Usopp, Ruatha… I needed to protect them. I was the _tank_.

"Usopp, keep an eye out for anything we can use as shelter!" My legs burned as I ran through the air. "I can't keep this up forever! We need to go to ground!"

"I'm on it! Just hold on!" The gunner pulled his sniping goggles down over his eyes as he scanned the trees desperately.

ZZZZZT!

A smaller, weaker bolt came at Usopp as if to hit him in the side, just under his ribs; I flailed my arm backwards to send it ricocheting off in a random direction. As the bizarre chase scene through the sky continued, there was only one thought running through my head on a loop.

 _I love my Devil Fruit!_

 **-V-**

Brilliant yellow metal rose high in front of them. Most of it was covered in twisting vines, but there were enough gaps to see that the entire construction was built of pure, untarnished gold. Not that the two hunters staring up at it cared much for that. Aside from knowing that if they could figure out a way to bring some back, it would make Nami very happy.

No, what interested Johnny and Yosaku the most was the circular gold door they'd spent the better part of a half hour uncovering.

It was a great golden disk, twice as tall as a man and nearly half that thick. Impossibly heavy. Resting in a shallow trench filled with sand and dead leaves, the huge door had resisted all attempts to roll it out of the way.

"You'd think a circular door should roll…" Yosaku muttered darkly. Johnny shrugged, never taking his eyes off the gleaming gold.

"Maybe it's trapped somehow? Or there's a special mechanism that rolls it?"

"Maybe…" Yosaku tilted his head as something occurred to him. "Bro… Should we really be worrying about this? We're supposed to be looking for Big Sis Jones and Big Bro Usopp."

Johnny snorted. "Would you really put it past Big Sis to _somehow_ get stuck inside a building that ain't been opened for a thousand years? We've gotta check _everything_."

That was a good point. Yosaku turned his attention back to the strange door. Maybe it would be easier to roll if they cleaned out that trench it was resting in? "Bro, set your sprayer to _sandblasting_ mode. I've got an idea."

Eyes lighting up behind his sunglasses, Johnny spun the dial. A broad grin grew across his face. Sandblast was a setting _he'd_ included, after all- Yosaku thought it was useless overkill, since they weren't expecting to use their spray guns to pressure wash any houses.

. . .

Old man Burro and his stupid, stinking stables…

Shaking his head, Yosaku changed the settings on his sprayer too. And then… "On the count of fire… _Fire!_ "

 _PWSHT!_

Two highly pressurized jets of water shot into the ground. Sand, dead leaves, and clouds flew up in a massive burst. A clod of it hit Yosaku in the face- and it was harder than it looked, having been packed down for who-knows-how-many years. The green hunter raised a hand to wipe away the resulting mud.

"Move in closer! We've gotta get under the door too!"

Slowly, so slowly, they managed to get the trench clear. By the time they were done, their spray guns were starting to run out of juice; the hunters shut them off quickly so as not to waste their last few shots. Johnny frowned.

"Electroblade if we run into anything?"

Yosaku nodded. "Spray only as a last resort. Otherwise we disable both, and I haven't been practicing plain swordsmanship enough to be comfortable with that."

"Me neither. Probably a mistake."

"Yep."

Clearing the trench wasn't enough to make the door move, though. The hunters moved in close, examining the golden disc from every angle- with both hands and eyes. Johnny even took off his sunglasses to see better, which distracted Yosaku for a moment. He loved his partner's eyes. Such a bright blue…

 _Click_.

Something gave under Yosaku's finger as he probed around the strange door. Gold shifted- slowly at first, then faster. He had to jump out of the way as the great disk rolled in its trench, lest his foot be crushed by the heavy construction.

The door finished rolling with an ominous creak. Its movement revealed a small, dark entrance- low enough that the hunters would have to duck to get through. This revelation was accompanied by a blast of stale air. Thankfully there was no smell of decay, so Yosaku was relatively certain they wouldn't stumble onto any dead bodies inside.

Before they went in, though, there was a very important test yet to be performed. Pulling several matches out of his pocket, Johnny lit them and tossed them through the doorway in quick succession. Each one fizzled out against the gold floor. Grinning, Johnny flashed a thumbs-up.

"No methane or anything like that! We're good for a light!"

"Great!" Unfortunately, though, there wasn't really much around for making a torch. In the end, Yosaku just snapped a few branches off a tree and handed one to Johnny. The blue hunter lit it, as well as one of the branches Yosaku had kept; they held the rest in reserve.

Torchlight flickered against gold, turning the inner walls bright orange. Johnny and Yosaku found themselves in a long room with a low ceiling- although thankfully high enough that they could stand once they'd ducked through the door. Barely. Directly across from them was another small doorway. The light of their makeshift torches didn't reach far enough to see anything through it.

With only one way to go, Yosaku strode forward. Johnny stopped him after less than three steps, grabbing his arm and hauling him back. "Hey! Look out! The floor's made of pressure plates!"

"Of course it is…" Yosaku facepalmed. Reason number two he loved his partner's eyes- Johnny was second to none when it came to spotting things like that. Despite having lost track of Zoro on multiple occasions when they worked as bounty hunters, but hey, unlike pressure plates, Zoro tended to move around in almost random directions.

Taking a closer look at the floor, Yosaku tried to determine if there was a safe path across. And _why_ someone would tile an entire floor with pressure plates and traps. There must be something important on the other side. At the very least, whoever had built this place considered it important.

The floor was covered in pictures, but there was no pattern to them. In the dim light, Yosaku couldn't even make out what most of them were. One of them might've been a nest of Millennial Dragons… Although it could just as easily have been a giant octopus.

Johnny shot him an uncertain look. "I don't suppose you've got any scrap we could use to jam the plates? I'm fresh out."

"Me too."

"Dammit."

Sighing, Yosaku rubbed his forehead. "Starting to wish I'd listened to Dad's stories more as a kid. He liked to talk about exploring old temples and stuff- I just never _believed_ any of it."

That made Johnny raise an eyebrow. "Your dad? In a place like this? I thought I remembered him as being all proper and quiet."

"He was, usually." Yosaku shrugged. "But he _did_ like a little bit of exploring, or even a good fight every once in a while. Only if the other guy started it, though. Fast as lightning…"

 _"Listen, Yosaku." A tall, slender man with a shadowed face crouched in front of his son in the middle of an outdoor market. All around them, tables had been overturned and sliced in half. A thin line of blood trickled down the man's forehead, although it was nothing compared to the wounds on the six unconscious bodies nearby._

 _"Never, ever start a fight. Only uncultured brigands fight for the joy of fighting. You're better than that. Use your brain- I know you have one." Light flashed briefly off of a pair of glasses. "That said… If someone else starts it, finish the fight as quickly as you can."_

 _"I don't like fighting…" A tearful young Yosaku mumbled, clutching his stuffed sheep. "It's loud and scary…"_

 _His father's arms wrapped around him, strong and warm. Yosaku clung to his father's coat. "I know… But sometimes you have to fight, to protect people you care about. Do you understand?"_

 _Nodding, Yosaku bit his lip. His father smiled. "Now then… Why don't you show me that cave you were talking about before these buffoons showed up?"_

"Bro, you alright?" Johnny waved his hand in front of Yosaku's face, pulling the green hunter out of his thoughts. Yosaku blinked and smiled.

"Yeah, sure. Just… Thinking about Dad." Then he felt something light up in his head. "And I think I know how to get across. Come on; help me cut down a tree."

It didn't take them long to find a narrow, relatively straight tree that they'd be able to get through the low door. Cutting it down was harder- unlike Zoro, Johnny and Yosaku never practiced doing such things with their swords. But the heavy blades of their dadao were decent enough substitutes for axes, especially with the two of them working together. They had a decent log soon enough.

"Alright." Yosaku picked up one end and began dragging it towards the old building. "Now, let's lay this sucker across the floor. If we crawl across on it, we won't set off the pressure plates."

Johnny looked dubious, but he said nothing- just picked up the other end of the log and helped move it. The blue hunter stood well back, though, as his partner heaved the log through the door and into the trapped room.

Almost immediately, Yosaku regretted his idea. Yes, the log sat on top of the floor and they'd be able to crawl across without putting any pressure on the plates- _but the log itself set off a row of pressure plates_.

Flames and darts shot out of hidden holes in the wall, enough to kill a man in an instant. And they kept coming for two minutes- Yosaku counted- before finally trailing off. Although the log and all the darts embedded in it were still on fire. Johnny peeked through the door as Yosaku rubbed soot out of his eyebrows.

Or sudden lack of eyebrows, rather.

"You okay, Bro?" Johnny edged in around the end of the charred tree.

Grinning, Yosaku flashed a thumbs-up. "I'm fine. And it didn't go as planned, but I'm pretty sure it's safe to cross now- the traps are prob'ly all outta juice."

"Let's just check, first…" Johnny went back outside for a minute. When he returned, he was holding a rather large rock. About the size of an ostrich egg or so. The blue hunter let the rock fly with a mighty heave, sending it bouncing across the pressure plates on the floor.

Nothing happened.

"Excellent!" The former bounty hunters scrambled forward in unison. They flinched instinctively every time a pressure plate sank under their feet, but nothing happened. Or, well, nothing besides a few mechanisms opening up and clicking harmlessly, their payloads empty.

The little door across the way led to a small, dark room with a low ceiling. It was nearly pitch-black inside; Johnny and Yosaku lit up the circuits in their swords to get a bit of light. They examined the room by the dim, silvery light of their electroblades.

Not that there was much to examine. The room was perfectly circular and mostly bare, devoid of any furniture or decoration. Except a small, round altar seated dead center. Atop this altar stood a clay jar and a small sculpture carved of wood.

Yosaku tilted his head to one side; since Johnny tilted his head to the other, this lead to them knocking skulls lightly. Not enough to hurt. "That's… disappointing," the green hunter observed.

"Yeah… You'd think, with the traps and everything, there'd be some sort of big treasure in here." Johnny shrugged. "Maybe it's in the jar?"

"Good idea." Stepping up to the altar, Yosaku lifted the jar and opened it. Inside was… a bunch of topsoil? It was definitely topsoil, and from sea level- there was no cloud mixed in like in the jungle soil outside. Bewildered, Yosaku showed this to his partner.

Johnny shook his head and began examining the little statue. "This is _weird_ ," the blue hunter muttered. "Who sets traps to guard a jar of dirt and a little wooden man?"

"Maybe if we show one of the people who live here, they'll know what it's for?" Yosaku doubted it, but it was worth a try. As it was, though, this place was a bust. No sign of Big Sis Jones or Big Bro Usopp. "We should get going. There's gotta be a hundred places to look around here."

"True…" Johnny sighed. "Of course, knowing Big Sis Jones, she'll have found the one with the most trouble."

"That'll be fine then. Big Bro Luffy always finds the place with the most trouble too."

The hunters pocketed their meagre findings for later consideration and headed out of the temple. As they ducked out of the door, though, they were met with a strange sight. Even stranger, in Yosaku's opinion, than an island in the sky.

Namely, there was a man standing upside down on the bottom of a tree branch.

"Um… How did you get up there?"

"Up where?" The stranger looked around in surprise. As soon as he realized he was hanging upside down in a way that defied all physics- and what Yosaku knew of Devil Fruits- he fell to the ground in a heap. Not that it seemed to phase him.

Standing and brushing himself off- and _man_ was he tall- the stranger waved at Johnny and Yosaku. "MM! MMM MMMMMM MM MMM MMMMM MMMMM?"

A bead of sweat rolled down the back of Yosaku's head; beside him, Johnny blinked in confusion. "Um… Dude? Use your words. We can't understand you when you don't even open your mouth."

"I DIDN'T OPEN MY MOUTH? OOPS! HOW CARELESS OF ME!" The stranger cleared his throat and fiddled with something on one of his sleeves. "I SIMPLY WANTED TO ASK THE TWO OF YOU IF EITHER OF YOU WAS NAMED LUFFY."

"Um… No. That's our captain." Yosaku looked at Johnny in confusion; the blue hunter nodded. At least they hadn't put out their electroblades yet. Trying- and failing- to be subtle about it, the hunters slid into a ready stance.

The towering stranger responded to this by eagerly bouncing into his own ready position. A broad, menacing- yet still somewhat dimwitted- grin grew across his face. "EXCELLENT! THAT MEANS I CAN KILL YOU TWO!"

"We'll just see about that!" Johnny and Yosaku moved so they were back to back, the better to keep an eye on the deranged stranger. They were still taken totally by surprise, however, by how _fast_ he was as he leapt forward.

 **-V-**

"This is _fascinating_ ," Robin whispered as she examined a heavily carved wall of crumbling gold. Or, well, not crumbling really, but a lot of the bricks had been knocked off over the years; they now lay scattered about the immediate area. "From the look of things, I'd say it predates the Void Century by at least 600 years."

Sanji wasn't sure how she could possibly know that, but he nodded anyway. He was more focused on Robin than on the ruins, aside from watching his step to make sure he didn't trip and make a fool of himself. She was quite lovely, especially when she got that little frown that meant she was thinking really hard about something and _almost_ had it, but not quite. Such a cute expression.

Almost as cute as Nami when she was drawing her maps, all delicate and careful, her tongue stinking out of the corner of her mouth.

. . .

Actually, Sanji couldn't decide who was cuter. They were both lovely, intelligent ladies. He was so lucky to be on a crew with them. He was so lucky to be on this crew _at all_. Zeff had been right to send him out, as much as he hated to admit it. If he'd never joined the Straw Hats, he'd never have had friends his own age. Never have learned that you could think of someone as a brother without thinking of them as a raging asshole, that not all brothers _were_ raging assholes. Even the Mosshead… Crude as he was, Sanji would take that grass-brained sword-slinger over his blood brothers a thousand times.

Even Jones… Although she really _was_ reminding him more and more of his sister.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, the cook returned to keeping an eye on Robin and their surroundings. It wouldn't do for her to get attacked, now would it? Although admittedly, they were supposed to be looking for Jones and Usopp rather than some old buildings… But who was he to fault anyone for getting distracted by something they were passionate about? He certainly knew what it was like, having lost track of time often enough while perfecting a new recipe.

"Are you sure you don't need any help, Robin dear?"

Robin waved him away, letting out some sort of affirmative grunt without even looking at him. Sanji sighed and leaned against a broken pillar. He'd just keep watch then. Lighting a cigarette, he scanned the jungle slowly. His gaze occasionally wandered back to Robin's form, the way her body and clothing stretched and pulled and moved as she rolled pieces of rubble around, trying to put together a puzzle.

She was so lovely…

He could feel his eyes warming up and changing shape.

Robin made a soft noise of effort as she made to flip a particularly large piece of gold. Music to Sanji's ears. He leapt forward eager to help. "Allow me, my dea-!"

"Ocho Fleur Flip!" Eight arms sprouted around the carved gold and flipped it over. It thudded heavily to the ground in between Robin and Sanji, stopping the cook dead.

"I can do it myself, Gospodin Cook." The look Robin shot him was unusually cold. Sanji took an involuntary step back. He knew she was still trying to distance herself from the crew sometimes, but she'd never acted _that_ way around anyone, as far as he knew.

"Sorry, Robin Dear. I was just trying to help." Sanji took a few more steps back, hands raised. She smiled, her cold expression evaporating, and went back to her examinations.

Sanji couldn't make heads or tails of the markings all over the gold rubble, but they seemed to mean something to Robin. Apparently satisfied with the way she'd arranged things, the archaeologist pulled out a notebook and began sketching. It didn't take her long to finish; soon enough she was moving on.

"Would you like me to put things back?" Sanji asked hesitantly. Archaeologists were supposed to leave ruins the way they'd found them, right?

Robin shook her head. "Don't bother."

Moving further into what appeared to be a ruined city made entirely of precious metals, Robin frequently stopped to sketch more artifacts and carvings. Occasionally she'd move something or flip it over; Sanji soon learned that attempts to help with some of the heavier objects earned him another oddly cold look.

Eventually, their wanderings took them to a largely intact pillar, sheer and smooth and topped with some sort of statue. Sanji couldn't tell what it was from the ground. Neither could Robin, from the way she was examining the structure. Sanji stepped in and offered a hand.

"I could give you a boost, Robin Dear, if you'd like to see what's up there."

His words made her go stiff. Robin turned her head slowly to look at him, then down at herself, then back up at him. During the process, her eyes lingered on her legs, as if checking something. When she was satisfied with whatever it was, her eyes snapped back up to meet Sanji's and they were like _ice_.

 _SHWAP!_

Then she slapped him.

Pain bloomed briefly across his cheek. Sanji raised a hand to rub the affected area, taking a step back. His eyes cooled; he felt them slowly relax back to their normal shape. "Ouch! Robin, dear, what was that for? I was just trying to be a gentleman. Is it a crime, where you come from, to help a lovely lady?"

"Let me be perfectly clear," she said quietly, "I enjoy occasional chivalry and special treatment, and were I certain your intentions were honourable, I might not object to you continuing them. But I know no such thing, so if you actually want me to feel welcome, I would appreciate less shallow behavior. I have had too many experiences in the past with individuals whose only interest in me was my body."

Her words made Sanji's blood run cold. "What? That wasn't-! I would never-!"

"You think I didn't see the way you were looking at me?" One dark, elegant eyebrow rose. "You're hardly _subtle_ , Gospodin Cook, and I can produce _literal_ eyes on the back of my head."

She wasn't crying, but when Sanji looked at Robin's eyes, he could see the shine of hidden tears. An expression he knew well… He desperately wanted to reach out and comfort her, but given what she'd just said, that likely wasn't a good idea. So he settled for staring at the ground off to one side as he snuffed out his cigarette.

"I promise, I don't mean anything by it. I'm just trying to make lovely ladies like yourself feel appreciated." Like his mother should've been…

"All very well and good." Robin had opened up her notebook again now. She was no longer facing him, busy sketching the pillar. Her eyes were still shiny, though. "But has it occurred to you that we may wish to be appreciated for something other than our appearance- or even the fact that we're women?"

That… Did not compute. Sanji felt the gears in his brain grind to a halt. "I… I don't understand. Haven't I expressed my appreciation for-?"

"No." Somehow Robin didn't even need him to finish his sentence. "You have commented on how lovely you think Gospozha Navigator and I look _while_ we are thinking; never on the actual thought process. And I find it curious that you tend to ignore the underage girl, and actively treat the least attractive one like she is lesser."

Robin paused and snorted, a very unladylike sound. "Not to mention… Shouldn't you want _all_ of your crewmates to feel appreciated? Not just the women? I thought you Straw Hats were supposed to be a family."

That one actually _hurt_ Sanji. Family… He didn't know how to act with brothers he actually liked. And he… He didn't ignore Lisa, did he? He just… Didn't tend to interact with her much. She spent most of her time painting, or training with Jones and Ghin, or playing with the other young and/or childish members of the crew. Not things he was interested in. And as for Jones…

"She _asked_ me to treat her like one of the shitheads. And then her stunt with the poison…"

"Oh, will you just _get over that_?" Robin snapped. Her eyes burned. "I understand that you have _principles_ \- it's a common affliction of young men. But you need to learn that you _can't always stick to them_ to the point of _idiocy_. Principles are not always _practical_."

Robin bowed her head, her cowboy hat shadowing her eyes. "Sometimes you have to be cruel to people you would rather comfort. Sometimes you have to steal from people to whom you would rather give charity. And _sometimes_ … Sometimes you have to poison a bad man to keep him from doing terrible things."

"You speak from experience?" A brief flash of cold ran through Sanji's blood. The thought of what Robin was saying…

"Let me put it this way, Gospodin Cook… I have been surviving in a world that wanted to kill me since before you were born." Robin finished her sketch of the pillar and closed her notebook with a snap.

They explored in silence again for some time after that. Catching a glimpse of the tower drawing when Robin opened her book to scribble a few notes, Sanji felt foolish for asking if she needed help. She had sprouted eyes higher up; she'd managed to sketch the whole thing.

Feeling slightly ill, Sanji wandered about the ruins, not really looking where he was going. Down stairs, over a log, through a tangle of vines… The cook continued, lost in thought, until he wandered up a set of stairs and into a wall. There he stood, head pressed against cool gold, just absorbing what Robin had said. He… It was hard for him to take in. He didn't know what to make of all of it. Not yet.

Did women really not like it when he acted that way? Was… Did it hurt or offend people in some way when he treated them differently? But that was what Zeff taught him… And it was better than what Judge…

Wasn't it?

Somewhere behind him, Sanji heard a gasp. It was followed by rapid footsteps as Robin raced up the stairs he'd just stumbled up. The woman rushed at something off to one side and stopped dead. Hear breath came slow and deep, as if she could barely believe what she was seeing. In spite of himself, Sanji turned away from his thoughts and looked up at her.

Adventures really didn't give you much time for reflection after someone tore into you like that.

All traces of her previous anger were gone- a remarkable turnaround. It took Sanji a few seconds to register what could've distracted the archaeologist so quickly… Then he saw the heavy, black, metallic stone wedged into the bottom of a flat-topped pyramid. It was covered in some sort of arcane scribblings, writing like nothing Sanji had never seen before. Or at least, he thought it was meant to be writing.

Although Robin wasn't focused on the main body of the writing. Rather, she was looking at a set of scribbles in the gold off to one side. She ran her fingers over them, almost in awe.

"Who made _these?_ " She hissed, eyes narrowing. Seconds later, her eyes widened again at something in the scribbles. "Roger…"

Roger…? _The Pirate King had been here?_ The first thing Sanji thought when he heard that was that Luffy would be so upset to have missed it. Then again… The captain probably wouldn't care much about scribbles in a stone. Especially scribbles he couldn't read.

Robin, however, loved them. She whipped open her notebook and began writing. Her eyes were glowing softly as she copied down everything that was written on the stone- both in English and in their original tongue. Sanji didn't get a good look at it, though; he wasn't close enough.

"This is such an odd place to find one… I never thought to check the _sky_ of all places." Robin traced the scribbles with one finger. "Perhaps tagging along with your crew wasn't such a bad thig after all."

Sanji bit his lip. Was he supposed to agree with here? Was he supposed to _disagree_ with her, so she didn't accuse him of kissing up to get in her pants? Why was this so confusing? In the end, he just ended up staring at the archaeologist dumbly. She saw this out of the corner of her eye and let out a huff, shaking her head.

"Speak your mind, Gospodin Cook. Just… learn to simply treat men and women the same and respect it if someone appears offended or uncomfortable with your actions. But you will never _know_ unless you say what you're thinking."

"Heh…" Sanji itched to light a cigarette but decided against it. He was running a bit low; didn't want to run out before the next time they got a chance to go shopping. "It's not easy for me, you know. Shitty geezer had some real strong opinions on how to act around women."

"It's understandable that you have difficulty overcoming your upbringing. I ask that you try, though." Robin finished copying down the strange markings with a flourish. Then she sighed.

"I really shouldn't be writing these down…"

"Why not?" Sanji frowned. What was the harm in copying some scribbles and drawings? Wasn't that what archaeologists did?

Robin rubbed her temples, sighing again. "The less you know about these _particular_ writings, the better. Let me just say that they've gotten people in a great deal of trouble in the past. Normally I wouldn't copy them down, but… Gospozha Navigator already took a rubbing of the one in Alabasta. So I don't suppose it can make anything worse."

Running her hand across the strange carvings once more, Robin turned away. Sanji followed, a few steps back and off to her left. He… wasn't sure if it was appropriate, but… If he worried about that too much, he'd never get anything done. He'd start by making a conscious effort to interact more with the younger members of the crew… Get to know his crewmates as people, rather than as "ladies" and "shitheads."

Even figuring that out was a daunting task.

The pair descended the stairs and resumed wandering around the ruins in search of more interesting artifacts. Somewhere overhead, a southbird called loudly. Its cry sent centipedes scampering out of a small, grass-covered lump with regularly spaced holes. Was… was that a human skull? Shuddering, Sanji tried to put the bugs out of his mind.

"Is that a pre-Void burial vase?" Had Robin been anyone else, Sanji was sure she would've been dancing as she crouched to pick up a piece of half-buried pottery. As it was, her eyes shone. She sprouted four additional hands to dig it up. Once unearthed, the vase shone dark green, plain and dirty and chipped, but whole. Robin held it as if showing someone her child.

"Before the Void Century, the dead of many cultures were burned and buried in these," Robin breathed. "I've never seen one intact before."

Sanji wasn't sure what to say about that. He knew nothing about archaeology. After a brief period of hesitation, the cook managed to muster a response. "Does that mean there's a dead guy's ashes in there?"

"Most likely. Although they may be in some state of dec-!"

 _SMASH!_

A rock flew out from behind a nearby tree, smashing the vase in Robin's hand. It exploded in a cloud- there had indeed been some dead guy's ashes in there. After the rock passed, they were all over her face. The archaeologist wiped black dust away from her eyes.

From behind the offending tree stepped a towering man in a toga. Tiny black wings sprouted from his broad shoulders; his bushy black beard divided around a wide, nasty grin. He threw a rock up and down in one hand, the same size as the one that had hit Robin's vase.

"I didn't have to miss."

Azure eyes snapped up to glare at the newcomer. Robin's voice was low and dangerous. "If you're insinuating that you just smashed a priceless pre-Void artifact _on purpose_ …" She took a deep breath. "You have three seconds to provide me with a reasonable explanation for your behaviour."

"Explain my behaviour? I am Yama, a priest of God Enel; you are intruders on His land. _You_ explain your behaviour." The winged man's nasty grin widened. "Or… That's what I would be saying, had God Enel not already ordered the termination of all except the one named Luffy. Does either of you bear that name?"

Before Sanji could answer, Robin shoved her notebook into her chest. Her cowboy hat shadowed her eyes; despite this, a faint glint of red was visible. "Hold this please, Gospodin Cook. I'd hate for it to get damaged."

Then she folded her arms in front of her chest, face going hard. "Now watch closely, Gospodin Cook, while I show you how a _girl_ fights."

-V-

Chopper was practically dancing as he trotted through the forest. So many plants he'd never seen before… How many of them had medicinal properties? He'd have to run tests… The little reindeer took samples wherever he could- seeds, bulbs, root and stem clippings. Hopefully Nami would be fine with him growing a medicinal plant garden near her orchard. Assuming he could get these growing, and that they had medicinal properties. Although he should probably grow some of the more useful sea level plants he knew about too…

Crunching footsteps were growing more distant… Quickly screwing a cap on a jar of seeds, Chopper popped into Walk Point and cantered after his wayward partner. "Zoro! Wait up! We're supposed to stick together!"

"But you weren't moving." Zoro frowned. "You were looking at plants. I don't think Usopp and Jones are hiding in a flower."

"A fat lot of good finding them will do us if we just have to go looking for you after!" Chopper had _heard_ some of the others teasing Zoro about getting lost, even if he'd never seen it. Just like he'd heard that Jones wasn't allowed to cook, actually…

There was a lot he didn't know about some of his crewmates, wasn't there? The ones who came from the East Blue.

Chopper's ears twitched. He'd never been to any of the Blues. As a scientist, this piqued his curiosity; as a doctor, he should know as much as possible about his patients' backgrounds.

"Hey, Zoro… What was it like, living in the East Blue? I've read that it's considered the weakest of the seas, but a bunch of you guys come from there and you don't seem weak." There was also Garp the marine hero, and the Pirate King Gol D Roger… None of the people Chopper knew of from that sea actually fit with its reputation.

"Huh?" Zoro tugged experimentally at a vine. "Well, that depends where you were. Some people were weak, some people were strong. Some people were good, some were slimeballs."

Chopper waited, but there was no sign of Zoro elaborating. Instead, the swordsman began climbing up the vine he'd tested, as if he intended to look for Usopp and Jones in the trees. Which… Actually made sense. Those two liked to climb. Not wanting to be left behind, the little reindeer scampered over and followed the swordsman aloft.

It was hard with hooves. Facepalming, Chopper popped into Heavy Point halfway up the vine, which made climbing much easier. The change in weight made the vine swing back and forth.

Zoro came to a stop standing on a wide branch about five meters up. Chopper crouched beside him- his reindeer instincts weren't happy with being up in a tree like this, even in his most humanoid form.

Looking out over the jungle, Zoro sighed. "It's home," he said finally, "The East Blue. There's some people and places I miss. But I know I'll see them again someday."

His eyes closed. "What I don't understand is why it has a reputation for being the weakest or the nicest sea. A lot of places are relaxing, sure, quiet… But they're just as dangerous as anything on the Grand Line. And sneakier. I like it better out here, that way. Everything makes sense."

Then Zoro grinned and opened his eyes, presenting Chopper with another vine. "Like this. I look at this and I know exactly what to do with it."

Chopper frowned. _He_ had no idea what Zoro meant by that. "What do you mean? It's just an ordinary vine- no edible or medicinal properties."

A large hand ruffled the fur on the back of Chopper's neck. "Why would I care about that? That's your thing, just like I don't expect you to worry about swords. But there's one thing that any man, doctor or not, should do with a vine if he ends up in the jungle."

Tugging a vine to make sure it was secure, Zoro grabbed on wit both hands. "AH-AH-AH! AH-AH-AH!"

The swordsman leapt out over the gap between two trees. His pack arched as he flew- then Zoro swung his feet forwards and up, rising like a child on a swing. Reaching another branch, he hooked one leg over it in order to hold himself to his new tree before pulling himself onto the new limb.

Just like… Luffy last night. Zoro really was the perfect bosun for their captain. Chopper shook his head, shifted to Walk Point, and jumped. As soon as he was in the air, he switched to Brain point for less weight and air resistance, then to Heavy Point as he came within arm's length of Zoro's new tree. Grabbing on, the doctor hauled himself up like a gorilla, panting heavily.

Zoro shot him a disappointed look. Chopper didn't particularly care. "I'm a reindeer, not a monkey."

The swordsman sighed and shook his head, a rueful smile briefly crossing his face. "And I'm a swordsman, not a gun for hire."

His voice was slightly bitter; there was a story there. Chopper's ears drooped. "Sorry… I didn't mean to bring up anything painful, asking about the East Blue."

"What?" Zoro sounded genuinely surprised. "No, it wasn't painful. For me anyway. I kinda wonder what happened to the other guy, though."

Chopper waited quietly for the swordsman to elaborate as they climbed back down to ground level. Zoro was quiet for a long moment- storytelling wasn't really his strong suit. When he finally got around to speaking, it was with a small frown creasing his face.

"Nobles in the East Blue are sneaky. A lot of them play mind games with each other. And sometimes they hire pirates or bounty hunters to do their dirty work, so it can't be traced back to them. I got messed up in that once that I know of- maybe a few other times before I figured it out." Zoro shrugged, almost self-consciously. "Goa Kingdom's pretty bad. S'where I noticed it, at least, about a year before I met Luffy."

"I got hired by some noble in Goa Kingdom. Artois? Stella? Weiser?" Zoro shrugged again. "Forget his name- just know it reminded me of beer. He wanted me to track down somebody and kill them for him."

Zoro's eyes were hooded as he shoved a path through a clump of massive ferns. "That's not the part I had a problem with. Bounty hunters get jobs like that sometimes- track down some bastard who hurt someone and make sure he never hurts them again. It's why there _are_ bounty hunters. The marines can't get everybody. But this one was different."

"Before I met the noble to get a picture of the guy he wanted me to find, I had a look around town. Checked out the area, the local bar, that sorta thing." Chopper was pretty sure that what Zoro meant was _I got lost in town for a couple hours_ , but he didn't comment. "Heard a guy- raging drunk, way past his senses- going on and on about some noble kid who was trying to get into the princess' skirts and kill her dad. Or something like that anyways. I didn't pay much attention at the time."

"Then I went to meet the noble who'd hired me at his parents' house. Scrawny kid with a weird face- wasn't surprising that he couldn't do his own fighting. He gave me a picture… of the guy I'd heard spreading rumours in the bar." Zoro kicked a half-rotted log; hundreds of insects swarmed out. "Made me wonder if the rumours were just some drunk guy going off after all."

Wow… Chopper's ears twitched. He was seeing some unfortunate implications there. "What did you do?"

"What any self-respecting swordsman would've done." Zoro grinned. "Asked for half my payment up front. When he agreed, I went back to the bar, threw the bag of beris in the drunk's face and told him to get outta there fast because some noble kid wanted him dead. I didn't know why and I didn't care; the kid himself rubbed me the wrong way, and with those rumours… No way was I working for him. Got outta there pretty fast after that myself."

Snorting, Zoro reached up and rubbed the fur on the back of Chopper's neck- which was a little harder in Heavy Point, but still felt nice. "Things like that… East Blue's just as tough and mean as any other sea. Just quieter about it."

"Yeah…" Hiring a bounty hunter to kill someone he didn't like sounded like something Wapol would do. People like that made Chopper's hair stand on end. Why, though, did books always call East Blue the weakest sea if people like Zoro said it wasn't?

Chopper shook his head. That was a problem for another time. If they were headed for the end of the Grand Line, it could be years before they visited any of the Blues again. Although they would need to eventually, so Nami could make her map of the _entire_ world. That would be fun. The little reindeer smiled at the thought. Their adventure _wouldn't_ end at Raftel.

There was a strong scent rising in the air. A large carnivore of some sort, probably canine. Chopper popped into Brain Point when he suddenly realized he had _no idea where they were_ and had a _possible threat_ approaching. Fast. His instincts screamed at him to run- if whatever he smelled wasn't a wolf, it was close enough that the reindeer in him was terrified.

Straw Hat pirates didn't run, though.

Or, well, they did sometimes, but they always came back to fight. And Chopper really didn't want to risk being _alone_ if predators were around. So he did the only sensible thing- squeaking like the tiny, adorable herbivore he was, he climbed up onto Zoro's shoulders. Just in time, too; he'd barely gotten up there when seven wolves came loping through the trees.

{{Roo! Strangers? On our territory?}}

The wolves stopped dead on seeing Zoro. They didn't seem to have been expecting to encounter anyone, nor were they hunting. Although that didn't make Chopper's screaming instincts feel any better. The leader- a massive wolf with a scar over one eye- took a few steps forward and stared at Zoro in a clear challenge.

Zoro stared back.

{{Why are you on my territory, human? Move!}}

Growling, the lead wolf stared harder. Zoro continued to stare back, unperturbed. Chopper tried to join in, but one look from those brilliant green canine eyes was enough to send the little reindeer trembling.

Stare.

. . .

 _Stare_.

A huge, bushy tail flicked; the lead wolf's eyes narrowed. Zoro's did as well, the swordsman letting out a soft growl of his own. It was a quiet war of wills. Then there was a great crash as something flew overhead, leaves dropping from above like rain. Several landed on the two combatants' heads, tickling Zoro's nose and the wolf's muzzle.

" _ACHOO!_ "

{{ _HA-ROO!_ }}

Both Zoro and the wolf sneezed explosively, blinking in unison. This set Chopper and the other wolves to jumping. But while the little reindeer clutched even tighter at his crewmates shoulders, the lesser wolves went on the attack. Six white canines leapt at Zoro in unison, growling and snapping.

{{Get him!}}

"Tatsumaki!"

They didn't have time to make contact. Before those snapping teeth could even get within arms' reach, Zoro had all three swords out. A quick spin launched the wolves flying, shallow gashes opening up along their flanks as they slammed into trees. When they rose, their ears were laid back as they whined.

The leader looked, for a moment, like he might be considering avenging his pack mates. Then Zoro's eyes flashed red and light gleamed off _Wado Ichimonji_. That slight hint of threat was enough to change the alpha wolf's mind, after seeing what its pack had just been through. Growling, the leader flicked its tail and bowed its head before fading into the trees. The others followed soon after.

"Heh. They weren't so bad." Zoro sheathed his swords with a click.

Chopper didn't agree. The human part of his mind knew he could've beaten the wolves with his powers if he needed to- not as easily as Zoro had done, but he could've done it. The reindeer part of his mind, on the other hand… That part of him was still terrified and shaking. He still smelled canine on the air…

Sighing, Zoro reached up and pulled Chopper off his shoulders. The swordsman held the reindeer against his chest, rubbing gently at coarse fur. Chopper leaned into the touch; Zoro's hands were large and warm. He gave the third-best scratches of anyone on the crew, after Jones and Drifter. It was a little surprising, with how strong and rough his hands were.

"Maybe we should get a dog," Zoro said softly, "So you can work on your fear of wolves."

That was probably a good idea… Although Chopper didn't think he'd enjoy it very much. What he _really_ didn't understand, though, was why the smell of more exotic predators didn't bother him. Cats and dogs _terrified_ him, but he had no trouble with vultures, dragons, or sea kings. He never got scared like this around Ruatha and Geier.

Nodding, Chopper buried his face in Zoro's shirt to try and escape the canine smell. Sea salt and sweat… Slowly, the little reindeer's trembling calmed. Zoro continued to rub his fur, plodding along through the jungle.

After a while, Zoro stopped walking, although the rubbing continued. "How about that one?"

"Eh? That one what?" Chopper raised his head to blink up at the swordsman. Zoro pointed at something in a gap between some trees.

"That dog. We should keep it. Then you can work on your fear of wolves."

Chopper turned to look- and immediately let out an involuntary yelp. That was a _big dog_. Like, the size of an elephant. He didn't know dogs could get that big! But there it was, in all its huge, golden glory, sitting in a treefall clearing. Its massive tail thumped against a fallen log as it stared at them with a dumb, glassy look.

{{Who're you?}} the dog barked, floppy ears perking up slightly. Its wagging tail didn't miss a beat.

{{My name's Chopper,}} the doctor whined quietly. {{What's yours?}}

{{I'm Holy. My human left me here while he went to look for someone. You smell nice. I've never smelled something like you before. Do you come from the Blue Sea?}}

{{I think that's what you call it up here, yes.}}

Zoro frowned in confusion. "Is he saying something, Chopper?"

"Yeah. He says his name's Holy; he's waiting for his human." Chopper's nose twitched. "Or sky person, more likely."

Before Chopper could say anything more, Holy suddenly started baying out of nowhere. Loud, booming barks that shook the trees. The ground shook too, momentarily, as he leapt to stand on his four huge paws. His tail wagged still, beating the air like a drum.

{{OHM! OHM! OHM!}}

Within seconds, a tall man dressed in black appeared out of the trees. The bladeless hilt of a sword was tucked into his belt; his eyes were hidden behind dark glasses. White wings twitched. One hand reached out to stroke just once down Holy's leg. "What is it boy? Did you find someone?"

{{YES! OVER THERE!}}

Holy took a step towards Chopper and Zoro. Scowling- or maybe his face just always looked like that- the winged man turned to look at them. His grim expression hardened. "Is either of you the one named Luffy?"

In near perfect unison, Chopper and Zoro shook their heads. The little reindeer tried to slip surreptitiously out of the swordsman's arms. Since the winged man was staring directly at them, though, Chopper could be sure the movement had been noticed. A small smile twisted the harsh face.

" _Excellent_."

Drawing his bladeless hilt, the winged man flicked his wrist and clicked something just under the guard. A jet of dense cloud shot out, rippling and twisting, shaping into a long, broad blade. It was as turbulent, as changing as river rapids- and yet when he whirled it around, it cut through branches like the finest steel.

"That means no one will protest if I kill you."

Zoro met that declaration with a wide, mad grin. The bosun undid his bandanna from his arm and tied it around his head, eyes shining with delight. _He likes this_ , Chopper realized as his crewmate drew his swords, _Zoro_ _ **enjoys**_ _battle_.

"Go ahead and try it," Zoro smiled around _Wado Ichimonji_. "You aren't the first, and you won't be the last. But go ahead and show me what you've got anyway."

 **-V-**

The day started as days had for the past several years- Gan Fall woke up to Pierre's gentle cooing, washed and ate, and was outside in time to see the rising sun. He spent the next several hours tending his garden, one ear out for the sound of one of his whistles blowing. There were a few in circulation, among the people still living in Skypeia. Not that he got called often, but sometimes if there was a Shandian raid…

He wasn't sure if he should be worried about the fact that those pirate children hadn't whistled for him. Gan fall knew they weren't the sort to stay out of trouble, so the lack of a call meant either that they could handle any trouble… Or that trouble had already handled them. It wore on his nerves as the hours went by.

Hours and hours and hours…

Gan Fall had eaten lunch and was spreading fertilizer on his pumpkins before there was any sign of activity. And it wasn't from a whistle. Just the sound of a flock of southbirds flying by, screeching wildly. Even that was enough to make the aging knight of the sky jump.

"Stupid birds… Nearly made me waste a month's worth of serpent dung!" Grumbling, Gan Fall righted his bags of fertilizer. Thankfully he hadn't had anything open yet.

Sighing, Gan Fall unsheathed his knife. He wondered what had the birds in such a tizzy. Was Nola nesting again? He didn't think it was time- her last clutch hadn't hatched yet. And there was nothing else in the forest that would cause the southbirds to go crazy like that. Not even the wolves.

Well, maybe Enel _could_ , but the false god had no interest in lowly birds. A mistake, as far as Gan Fall was concerned. Animals could teach you so much, if you were willing to listen.

Case in point- ever since the southbirds went screeching past, Pierre had been freaking out. The spotted bird flapped his wings rapidly, morphing into his hybrid form to better rear and whinny. When Gan Fall didn't immediately respond, Pierre began kicking at the apple tree by the house.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down old friend. I'm coming, I'm coming." Gan Fall dusted off his hands as he headed over to pat Pierre's nose. "What's wrong?"

"NNNFFFFFFFFFFT!" Pierre actually shifted all the way to horse form for a minute as he pawed at the ground. His pink and purple mane fluttered in the light breeze. "Eigh!"

Shifting back to bird form, Pierre scratched the tree roots a bit before reaching over to peck Gan Fall's armour. Then he flared his wings, beating them a few times. "YEEEEEEE! YASCREEEEEEEEEEEE!"

That was interesting. And worrisome. Gan Fall frowned. "Are you sure?"

"YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAR!" Pierre flared his wings and nodded once.

Well, well, well… Enel and his priests were on the move. After the pirates… And all because the little captain had powers that kept him from being hurt by lightning. That made Gan Fall smile in spite of himself. So… He played at being a god, but Enel's ego was as fragile as any child.

Still, he was a child with the immense powers of a storm at his beck and call. In his youth, Gan Fall had seen a hurricane that nearly ripped Angel Beach from Upper Yard. Not to mention the battle when Enel and his priests first appeared… Yes, Gan Fall was more than familiar with the kind of damage a storm could inflict.

The question was, what should he do about it? Gan Fall sighed. As much as he hated it, he knew he couldn't fight Enel. That had been proven years ago. And if the pirates weren't calling for help, they probably thought they could handle it. Him appearing out of nowhere would throw off any strategy they'd been able to figure out.

And… What if Enel _won_? It was quite likely, given the power of a storm. And if Enel _won_ and his blood was still up… Or even if he lost, but the pirates managed to push him to the limits of his power…

Skypeia could be torn apart.

There was only one thing for it, then. They had to warn the people, get them away from the island. As many as possible… And the Shandians too, if they could. Gan Fall closed his eyes, steeling himself as he donned his armour. The citizens of Skypeia might listen to him, but the Shandians were… unlikely. He had to try, though.

"Pierre, hybrid form if you please."

"YEEEEEEEEEIGH!" The spotted bird shifted, prancing as Gan Fall mounted up. The knight patted his friend's neck.

"To Lovely Street first, old friend. It's the Angel Beach market today; the majority of her citizens should be there. After that…" Gan Fall gripped his lance tightly. "After that, I'm afraid we'll just have to see what we can do."

 **-V-**

Lisa knew something was wrong when Nami didn't even react to the sight of an ancient chapel made all of silver and gold. True, it was half overgrown with vines and leaves, but it was still _gold_ , and enough of it was visible to see that. Between her love of money and her love of pretty things, Lisa would've expected the sailing master to be all over that. But no, Nami was lost in thought as they walked, her hands fiddling with a sliderule that her eyes couldn't even focus on.

Actually, Lisa was surprised Nami hadn't tripped yet as they waded through the jungle. Nami wasn't looking where she was going, and she was wearing _heels_ , unlike Lisa's sensible flats.

"Are you okay?" Lisa was hesitant to ask. Sometimes Nami seemed to bite people's heads off for no reason, although _she'd_ never been the target. But there was a first time for everything.

"Yes."

Nami's voice was as distracted as her gaze. Which… The sailing master walked right between the legs of an enormous gold leopard without even glancing up, so there was something seriously wrong. Lisa frowned and took her crewmate's hand.

"You don't sound okay. What're you doing?"

"Trying to figure out how we ran out of money so quickly. We got a _government reward_ in Alabasta. A big one!" Nami rubbed a hand against her forehead. "We shouldn't have gone broke so quickly!"

The hand rubbing her head turned to knuckles grinding between her eyes. "Let's see… We had to restock on food after Alabasta- that's always a big one. And most of us went shopping after. So, Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku's tinkering gear; your paints; medicines and books for Chopper; clothes for you, me, Ghin, and Sanji; the stuff Ghin got to make Jones' new armour; and general ship repair type supplies."

"Don't forget that race we entered," Lisa piped up. "There was an entry fee for that, right? And we didn't get any prize or anything."

"Right. And then there were all those books Jones and Robin bought." Nami sighed. "At least Jones paid for the piano on her own. It's risky, but maybe we should start selling a few of those gems of hers. One or two every time we hit a decently sized island won't draw any attention."

Lisa thought they'd need to get more materials for that- didn't Jones use coal and aluminum and stuff to make gems? Although in most cities they'd still turn a decent profit easy. Of course, it would be even easier if Nami would just _look up_ and they could get their hands on some of the gold.

. . .  
Actually, as far as Lisa could tell, it would be harder to leave _without_ gold. She'd be washing gold dust out of her shoes for a week.

Something exploded in the distance, a crash of thunder. Lisa readied her paints in case they had to fight- a nice Forgetful Fuchsia to get things started. She was dying to see how that one affected sapient creatures. It worked _wonders_ on the rats on the _Merry_.

But no attack came- although something _did_ streak overhead, large and purple and brown and red and black and white. Maybe a southbird. It was followed by something even larger that crackled and snarled; Lisa didn't even _try_ to guess what kind of predator that might be. A naturalist she was not.

"This… Not having enough money really bothers you, huh?" Lisa squeezed Nami's hand. The sailing master sighed.

"Yeah… Growing up- growing up, Nojiko and I never had much. It wouldn't have been a big issue, once I matured a little bit, but… But before I got a chance, our adoptive mother was killed. Our island was taken over by a fish-faced bastard. He demanded blood money to spare everyone; Bellemere couldn't afford to pay for our whole family. She could save us… or herself. And she chose us. She always, _always_ chose us."

"She was a good mother," Lisa observed quietly. Nami nodded.

"The best. I just wish… Just wish she'd been around longer."

The ensuing quiet made Lisa uncomfortable. She itched to do something- to splash Nami with Calming Green or Laughter Yellow. Something to cheer her up. But using her colours on crewmates without permission wasn't good… So tempting sometimes, though. And she never meant any harm…

"When the Fleylin Archipelago was attacked, Mama and Papa put me out to sea in one of Tio Lovino's fishing boats." If she couldn't change the mood with paint, speaking was the next best option. Show Nami she wasn't alone. "They didn't have time to send any of my sisters with me- but they were warriors in training, anyway. They would've wanted to fight."

Lisa bowed her head, hat shadowing her eyes as she let go of Nami's hand. "Later, I learned that the entire Fleylin fishing and trade fleet had been burned, and that no one had any news of current happenings on the island. At the very least, my family is bankrupt and struggling to rebuild; they may be dead, depending how things turned out. And I have no way of knowing. Not until I find a way to return."

Nami's hand came down to rest on her head. "Do you want us to take you there? Once we're back at sea level, we could find an Eternal Pose to Fleylin and take you home."

That was… Something Lisa had to think about. Back when she'd first joined the crew, she might've taken the offer. She'd liked the Straw Hats, but she hadn't always known and trusted them. But now… Now she was one of them. And whatever was happening at home, she couldn't fix or change it. Not alone. Not as she was now.

"I- I'd like to go home, yes. But… Not yet." Lisa clenched her fist. It was so small… "I can't do any good there, whatever happened. Not until I'm older. Not until I'm _better_. Whatever happened, I can't do anything if I'm still just a little girl they have to protect."

A rueful chuckle. Nami ruffled her hair. "I hate to break it to you, Lisa, but you're the most terrifying little girl I've ever met. Your paints can subdue _armies_."

"That's great for an assassin, but in a fight, not so much." Lisa made a face. "And for earning money to rebuild a fishing and shipping company… Less than useless. My art isn't good enough for _that_ yet. I need to learn to paint to take people to another _world_."

Lisa wasn't sure how to explain it. But some of the paintings she'd seen when she was just learning were… _magnificent_. Just looking at them made her feel like she was _inside_ the pictures. It was something _more_ than just temporarily seizing the emotions. And until she could master painting like that _and_ fighting like a Straw Hat, she'd never be able to restore her homeland.

If it needed restoring, that is. It might be fine. But she doubted it.

"Someday I'd like to go home- and to have everyone with me when I do. But not yet. Not until I can _do something_ about whoever burned Fleylin. Whether they're still there or not."

Nodding silently, Nami stroked Lisa's braids comfortingly. Then, all of a sudden, it was like the sailing master saw all the gleaming ruins for the first time. Namely, while still stroking Lisa's hair, she stopped dead in her tracks and let out a little gasp. Her eyes briefly turned to beri symbols; Nami shook her head to bring them back to normal as she stared around them.

Admittedly, most of the buildings and statuary were crumbling and overgrown, but there was still enough gold and silver visible that there was no question of what they'd been made of. Even the roads… Lisa pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and reached up to prod the side of Nami's face.

The sailing master was drooling.

"Huh? Oh, thanks." Nami snapped out of it. Mostly. Her eyes were still glittering as she stared around. "Dust… Nuggets… Bricks… _Temples_ of gold where you could pluck gold from the very walls… Panthers and eagles and serpents… How much gold is up here?"

Lisa shrugged helplessly. She had no idea and no way to find out. And honestly, she doubted even the people living here knew. There might be more gold on this one island than in the rest of the entire _world_.

. . .

Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but there was still a lot.

The large southbird from earlier flew overhead again, going the opposite direction. It was moving funny, now, and wailing like it was being tortured. Funny; it almost sounded like Usopp. Maybe southbirds could imitate human voices? Whatever was chasing it crackled through the trees a few seconds later.

Except the crackling predator paused when it saw Nami and Lisa, falling to the ground with a _boom_ of thunder. It was… a man. A tall, pale man with no shirt and giant, flappy earlobes and some sort of piercing with thunder drums sticking out of his shoulders. Lisa had only seen something like that once before- in a painting her uncle said had come all the way from Wano Kingdom.

This man's skin was made of lightning.

"You…" His voice cracked and boomed, "You're friends with the _cocoxqui coconeh_ I'm chasing… Perhaps if I _take you_ , they'll stop _running_ and come _fight me so I can show them who the_ _ **TRUE**_ _god is_."

 _Oh Sugar Honey Iced Tea_. Lisa swiped her paintbrush as the lightning man flashed forwards. "Forgetful Fuchsia!"

The burst of colour passed right through him. Ah- a logia Fruit then. And Nami's attack an instant later didn't do any better. May have actually made things _worse_ \- Lisa had no idea if a logia absorbed their element when they were struck by it.

"Thunder Tempo!"

 _ZZZZZZZZZZZT! FWAM!_

Lightning turned to flesh as the strange man slammed into Nami and Lisa. It was all the little painter could do not to drop her paints. As for Nami… As for Nami, her Clima-Tact began to glow and warp at the stranger's touch. As if it were overloading… _Melting_. Only the heavy rubber grips kept Nami from burning her hands as she held on.

Powerful arms wrapped around the girls. They kicked and struggled, but every blow passed harmlessly through lightning. Nami glowered.

"Rain Te- no, that's a _bad_ idea. Shit!"

Then the lightning man took to the air. Lisa felt her stomach drop away. She swung a kick at the man's crotch- when she'd first joined Baroque Works, Galdino had told her that if a man touched her in a way she didn't like, she was to kick him there as hard as she could, and both Jones and Ghin supported that. But men who were made of lightning didn't double over and wheeze when kicked in the crotch; they just crackled and reformed as she pulled back.

"Come here, tiny pretenders! Come try to save your friends, if you think you can!" The lightning man's face split into a deranged grin. "Or maybe that's all you are- pretenders who can't back up their words! Maybe I should make your friends pay for your insult to me!"

He turned in the air, suddenly moving _away_ from whatever he'd been chasing. Not that it mattered; what he'd been chasing became clear when Lisa heard three voices _screech_. One in anger, two in fear.

" _LISA! NAMI! PUT THEM DOWN!_ "

"WAAAAAAAH! JONES! CALM DOWN!"

"MONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

After a few seconds- although with the speed at which lightning flew, they may very well have crossed the entire island- the lightning man landed in front of a cave. He shoved Nami and Lisa inside so roughly he practically threw them. Lisa tumbled and rolled across the floor, coming to a halt against something large and curved. Nami set down just in front of her; the sailing master landed on her feet, her warped and melted Clima-Tact pointed at the lightning man's chest.

"Blizzard Tempo!"

 _BOOM_.

A massive door rolled across the entrance of the cave, blocking out their view of the lightning man. Nami's frosty blast splashed across it, delayed by the damage to her weapon. The sailing master growled. "Son of a bitch!"

She clanged the Clima-Tact off the ground- just once. It sparked slightly. Then she sighed, although the tension didn't leave her. "Are you okay, Lisa?"

"Yeah." The little girl got to her feet and walked over to the door. It was entirely smooth and seamless to both her eyes and her hands; she could see where it connected to the wall, but there wasn't even room for a hair to be slipped in. And no lock mechanism visible either.

Nami joined her, double-checking for things Lisa wouldn't know to look for. The sailing master hissed between her teeth. "This… I've never seen a door like this. It's some sort of ancient thing- Robin's domain, not mine. Probably locks on the outside with logs or a sand pit or something."

Then Nami looked around. "But there's still light coming from somewhere, which means there must be another way out. Come on."

There were no obvious light sources by the door, which meant there was only one way to go- further into the cave. So back they went, and were rewarded with the light growing slightly stronger as they approached a sharp corner. And then around it…

 _Gold_.

A great ship of gold and copper, burnished so that even in the dim light it gleamed like the sun. It had no sails; instead, there were strange devices on the deck and hatches in the sides. It looked brand new- even if gold didn't tarnish, copper did, but the copper fittings were as bright as the rest. Although that could just be a sign of good care… Lisa didn't think so, though. Enough of the golden buildings outside had pieces missing. This must be where it'd gone.

The source of light was somewhere above the ship.

They couldn't climb the smooth, golden sides- there were no chinks like you'd find between wooden boards. But one of the lowest hatches was open. Probably for repairs of some sort. Lisa was able to get in with a boost from Nami, who jumped up behind her.

Almost immediately, they came face to face with some sort of golden pinwheel. Or… propeller? It was attached to a series of gears with no apparent source of power. The sort of thing Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku would love. Lisa didn't care for them much, though, except to file them away as an interesting potential art piece. They sent a nice mood.

There were a great many passages and rooms on the three inner decks of the golden ship. Each posed more questions than it answered. Strange devices filled most of them- great fuses or rough wire and imperfect glass, nets and cages of wire, towers with odd bulges and spheres near the top, broad dishes with thick antennae in the centers. Lisa had no idea what any of it meant.

Neither did Nami, although her eyes were constantly glowing. No matter how much she tried to shake herself out of it, the sailing master's eyes were beri symbols.

The deck of the ship was the same as the inside- all covered in technological bits and bobs, including two large spheres with just enough room in between for a man to stand. They were absolutely perfect… and still warm. As if they'd just been forged earlier that day.

High above, they could finally see the source of the light in the cave. A narrow crack in the ceiling. It was far out of reach from the deck of the ship, or even from the boxy cabin in the center. And even if they could get up there, there was no guarantee it was wide enough for them to fit through.

Lisa turned to Nami. The sailing master had more experience than she did with this sort of thing. But Nami looked just as confused- and frustrated- as Lisa felt.

"No way out…"

Nami scowled. "No, there has to be a way out. If we figure out what this place is. Wait… gold and copper… This whole ship's a conductor. It must belong to that lightning logia. But what's it for…?"

Frowning to herself, the sailing master tapped her Clima-Tact on the golden deck. It sparked where it had been melted and twisted. That made Nami's face light up.

"Hold on to something Lisa. We're gonna find out what this thing does. Just gimme a minute to figure out how to complete the circuit…"

Nodding mutely- she wasn't sure what a circuit was, but if it had something to do with lightning, she trusted Nami to be an expert- Lisa clung to one of the golden ship's rails. Because whatever it was supposed to do, it was a _ship_ , so it was going to move at some point. That's what ships were made for.

Nothing happened for a couple of minutes. Nami paced around the deck, muttering things Lisa couldn't hear. Then at last, the sailing master stopped between the two strange spheres.

"I hope this works…"

The sailing master wedged her Clima-Tact between the spheres and twisted one of the grips as if she was preparing a Thunderbolt Tempo. It began to spark and hiss. So to did the spheres after a moment, and then… and then the ship itself came alive.

Down on her sides, and even on her deck, hatches opened. Propellers pushed out and began to spin. Slowly, very slowly, the ship began to lift into the air. It was very unsteady, as if not getting quite enough power. But Nami's weapon was already working at full capacity.

"Oooooh…" A catlike smile grew on the sailing master's face. "I _like_ this."

"I don't," Lisa mumbled. She clung tighter to the rail. Flying wasn't her idea of fun. Although if it got them out of here…

Nami clicked her tongue. "Now, how do I steer this thing?"

She fiddled with her Clima-Tact for a bit, to no effect. Then, letting out a sigh of frustration, Nami leaned on one of the spheres.

A bolt of lightning shot out of the bow of the ship.

It weakened the vessel's flight momentarily, making it lurch. Lisa squealed involuntarily and clung to the rail tighter still. But the ship didn't crash, and Nami was smiling again, wider than ever. "Okay, now I _really_ like this thing. Okay, new plan- I figure out how to steer this thing and we take out the door. A strong enough bolt should do the trick."

 **-V-**

Where _was_ everybody? Luffy bounced through the trees, searching for any sign of his wayward crewmates. Jones hadn't said, when she told them to meet her and Usopp in Upper Yard, she hadn't mentioned that it was so _big_. They could be searching for _days_.

"Jones! Usopp! Where are you?"

No answer. Luffy scampered up into the trees for a better view. He jumped and swung from branch to vine, like the monkey he was named. It was fun; it would've been even more fun if he were doing it with his friends. Usopp would've complained that he was going too fast, but kept up anyway. Nami would've kept pace on the ground, Sanji alongside to protect her. Zoro would've been just behind Luffy, laughing quietly, with Toma scrambling along behind. Ghin probably would've been carrying Lisa…

No. That wasn't right. Ghin would've had to stay on the ground too, with just one arm. Luffy frowned, good feelings suddenly gone.

"Usopp! Jones!"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHA?"

Pausing, Luffy flipped backwards on his current branch so he was hanging upside down. Dark eyes scanned for the source of the noise behind him. Tree. Tree. Southbird. Tree. Vine. Vine. Tree. Giant snake. Tree. Flower. Tre-

Wait.

Giant snake.

Luffy scowled at the towering wall of blue scales and white fluff. "Did you just hiss at me?"

"SSSSSSSSSS." White fangs gleamed as the snake opened its mouth, longer than Zoro's swords.

"I was calling Jones and Usopp. You aren't Jones or Usopp."

"SSNSSSSSSSSSSSSS… HHHSSSSSSSSSS…"

"A skinny guy with a big nose and a scar-faced girl with awesome armour. They might've had a dragon with them. Ruatha." Part of Luffy wondered why he always seemed to be able to understand what giant fluffy lizards were saying. Only the grown-up ones, though; he hadn't figured out Ruatha yet, even though he'd been able to understand the older dragons. The rest of him decided it didn't matter _how_ this worked. It was just cool.

And useful.

"KSSKSS!"

The snake lunged before Luffy could process its answer. Massive jaws closed over him, temporarily locking him in darkness that stank of rotting meat. Its slippery tongue moved under him, trying to fling him back in its throat to swallow. But Luffy didn't want to be anybody's lunch.

"Oi! Spit me out!" His shout only made the snake redouble its efforts to swallow him. So Luffy swung his foot up, then down. _Hard_.

"Gum-Gum Axe!"

Shocked to the brain, then with its lower jaw forced open, the snake was forced to spit Luffy out. The rubber boy snapped an arm up to grab some of the fluffs on its head, hauling himself aboard. Blue scales thrashed.

"SSSSSSSSSSHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!"

"HEY!" Luffy slammed a fist down on the snake's head. "IT'S NOT NICE TO EAT PEOPLE!"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN…" The snake drooped. Luffy patted above one of her eyes.

"That's better. Now, what's your name?"

"NNNSSSSSSSSSSS."

"Nola? That's a nice name." Luffy rubbed Nola's head where he'd hit her. "Now… You said you'd seen Jones and Usopp?"

"SSS." Nola nodded dully, careful not to throw Luffy off.

"Can you take me there?"

"SSKSS."

That made Luffy frown. "What do you mean, they're not still there?"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHAAAAAAAAAAASHA."

"Well, can you find them?"

Another nod, less sullen this time. Nola slowly lowered herself flat to the ground and began winding her way through the trees. Every once in a while she flicked her tongue out, tasting the air. Often right after this she'd turn slightly, adjusting her course.

The huge snake couldn't take as direct a route through the trees as Luffy could have; she was just too big. But she still made good time, and unlike her, Luffy couldn't sniff out his crewmates with a flicking tongue. He liked this snake. Nola was nice. Too bad she couldn't come with them. She was just too big for the ship.

It was about fifteen minutes before something exploded- distant, but still near enough to startle Nola into rearing. She probably didn't see many things blow up around here. It was too quiet for that. Which was too bad; blowing stuff up was fun!

Whatever exploded was in the direction Nola had been taking him.

Luffy grinned. That had to be either Usopp or Jones- maybe both. No one else on his crew fought by blowing stuff up! On purpose, anyway. An instant later, lightning flashed in the same area. So Nami was there too. Excellent. If the three of them were fighting together, they should be okay.

And if they weren't, he'd get there soon enough to help. Luffy leaned low over Nola's head and gripped her fluffs tightly. "Faster Nola!"

"SKAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

The great snake resumed winding through the trees, twisting and slithering through huge trunks. She wound her way around the knotted base of a towering beanstalk, with a tip that disappeared into a yet higher layer of cloud. So cool! Luffy would have to have a look at that later, when there was more time. And then into more trees…

More explosions, more lightning. So, so much more lightning. Blue-white flash after blue-white flash crackled through the trees. The fighting was getting more intense. Luffy gripped Nola's fluffs even harder. Please, please, let the others hold out long enough for him to get there.

 **-V-**

The sky kept flashing, blue-white and gold. Conis stared up at it, fiddling nervously with her bazooka. Those newcomers… Those illegal immigrants had angered God. And she'd helped them to do it. What was she supposed to do? When Enel defeated them, he'd be _furious_.

If. _If_ Enel defeated them. She had to be optimistic. Or at least try.

But the flashes were getting brighter and more frequent, coming from the center of Upper Yard. They were accompanied by great cracks and booms, each louder than the last. Sometimes it sounded like a storm fighting itself; at others it was like two fully charged Impact Dials being banged together.

A warm hand closed over her shoulder. Her father. Conis reached up to place her hand over his, not even turning to look. "Daddy… Daddy, what have I done?"

"What you thought you had to." Pagaya gently pulled his daughter around to face him and drew her into a hug. "And if they win, it will have been the right thing."

Su crawled up onto Conis' shoulders as her father stepped back; the angel stroked her fox's soft fur for comfort. Sighing, Conis' father looked up at the flashing sky.

"But if they lose… If they lose, I fear it may be the end of us all. God has never been this angry. So, my dear, there's one more thing we must do."

"Daddy?"

Pagaya's face hardened. "We must _run_. We must go to sea, and convince everyone to come with us. Even the Shandians, if we can find them. We must get as far away from our island as we can, in case Enel's wrath comes down upon us all."

But… But who would listen? It was market day; the entire population of the city was on Lovely Street, trading and talking and unable to hear anything over the noise of themselves. Even the presence of the Straw Hats hadn't delayed that by more than a few minutes.

She had to try though. Conis closed her eyes for a moment, sighing. "Daddy, take the waver and go. I'll get everyone to evacuate."

"Are you sure, dearest?" Her father stared at her with worried eyes.

Conis wanted to say no. She wasn't sure about anything right now. She wanted to hide somewhere until this all blew over; to pinch herself and wake up and realize this was all a dream. But it wasn't, and the lights in the sky were growing brighter still.

Instead, she bit her lip and nodded. "I'm sure, Daddy. I can do this. Go. Just… If you see anyone along the way, try and get them to go with you."

"Of course." Conis' father briefly pressed his forehead against hers. "Take care, Dearest."

"You too, Daddy."

Parting ways with her father, Conis ran towards Lovely Street as fast as she could. As soon as she could see the market, she started waving her arms and shouting. "EVERYONE! EVERYONE, WE HAVE TO GO NOW! WE HAVE TO TAKE TO THE BOATS! GOD IS ANGRY! HE'S FIGHTING THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AND IF HE WINS, HE'LL LIKELY DESTROY THE ISLAND!"

No one reacted. They couldn't hear her over the market day bustle. And to a one, they were all afflicted with one tremendous bit of stupidity- not a single person on the street ever looked up at the sky. A common human error, believing that everything of interest will be roughly at eye level. Conis had exploited it many times as a child playing hide and seek.

Now it just left her frustrated.

Taking a deep breath, Conis tried again. "EVERYONE, PLEASE! WE NEED TO EVACUATE THE ISLAND! ENEL IS ANGRY!"

A couple people glanced at her but didn't seem to hear what she was saying. Otherwise they would've reacted with more than a shrug and some whispering. An involuntary whine escaped her throat; Conis couldn't believe this. She waved her arms frantically, pointing at the sky. The only result was that a few people started taking pictures of the flashing lights on Vision Dials.

Anger momentarily seized the angel. Conis kicked the ground and screamed. How could people be so dense?! "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST LISTEN? PLEASE!"

"Please…" Her anger left as quickly as it had appeared. Conis sank to her knees on the side of the road. She was shaking, spent. Nothing was _working_. Vision blurring, Conis bit her lip to fight back tears. They fell anyway.

This was all her fault. She'd helped the pirates go to Enel and now he was angry and would probably destroy Angel Island for her part in this, once he'd dealt with the invaders.

If. _If_ he dealt with the invaders. She had to try and be optimistic, although she couldn't see how.

"My fault…" A sob shook the angel's shoulders, "All my fault…"

People were talking, haggling, laughing… But all Conis could hear was her own heart pounding in her ears. Her throat was starting to close up; she couldn't shout any more even if she could find the words. All her fault… It was her fault Angel Island was going to be destroyed and everyone was going to die.

Her head was starting to feel strange, her heartbeat getting louder and stranger until it almost sounded like the approach of a giant bird. Then a shadow swept overhead and Conis realized that what she'd been earing _was_ a giant bird- one with the body of a horse. Astride its broad back sat a somewhat familiar armoured figure.

Conis had never met Gan Fall before, but she knew him to see him. The former god, overthrown by Enel. He came to fight sometimes when the Shandians raided Angel Island, and to give food and blankets to the orphanage.

"EVERYONE, LISTEN, I BEG OF YOU!" Gan Fall's voice boomed out over the noise of the market in a way Conis' never could. "ENEL IS CURRENTLY LOCKED IN COMBAT WITH A GROUP FROM THE BLUE SEAS! THEY HAVE ANGERED HIM MIGHTILY! SHOULD THEY FALL AT HIS HANDS, I FEAR HE WILL TURN HIS RAGE ON THE ISLAND BEFORE HE COMES TO HIS SENSES!"

"Whatever senses he has…" Conis heard someone mutter in the sudden silence. The speaker's neighbors stepped far away from him, a long-ingrained reflex. But nothing happened. Enel was otherwise occupied.

 _Click-clack_. Hooves tapped on the street beside Conis as Gan Fall's mount landed. The old knight spoke, his voice lower than before, but still crystal clear. "Please, everyone, we must try to make it a safe distance from the island. I pray the Blue Sea dwellers shall prevail, but if not…"

He left the sentence hanging. For a moment, no one moved. Then one older woman slowly raised a hand. "But… If Enel destroys the island, where will we go?"

"I don't know," Gan Fall sighed. He stroked the side of his horse-bird's neck. "But I'd prefer we all be alive to deal with such an issue. Homes can be replaced; lives cannot. Everyone, please- take to your boats. Head out to sea. If necessary, we can even sail off the edge of the clouds and make our way down to the Blue Sea to start anew."

It started out slowly after that- people picking up their shopping and, in ones and twos, heading for the marina. Most were more hesitant, though. One young girl stared up at Gan Fall with teary eyes.

"Can I go get Vixy?"

Gan Fall hesitated, then smiled. "If you are quick, yes, you can go home and get your Vixy. Do not take too long, though; taking time to pack too much could cost you your life. But by all means, rescue your pets and a couple of mementos if you think you can do so quickly."

And then there was chaos. People _bolted_ , scrambling for their houses to rescue southbirds and cloud foxes and octopus balloons. Conis gasped, hands going to her mouth. What if someone was trampled? Surging to her feet, the pale angel took a shaky step forward. A heavy hand rested on her shoulder, Gan Fall leaning down to steady her.

Conis shot him a grateful smile. Then, to her surprise, the knight handed her a small device made of an assortment of Dials.

"Speak into this, and they'll be able to hear you over any chaos."

"Thank you." Conis eyes watered, this time with grateful tears, as she raised the device to her mouth. "EVERYONE, PLEASE REMAIN CALM! LET'S NOT ANYONE GET HURT, EH? BE CAREFUL OF THE CHILDREN!"

The chaos froze for a moment. As if compelled by some invisible mind, children slowly filtered out of the crowd. They moved in clumps, groups of friends or siblings, occasionally accompanied by parents or babysitters. One of the chaperones- a severe older mother with a heavily lined face- took charge, leading the group to the marina ahead of the mob.

Conis sighed in relief. Her knees felt like they were about to melt. But then Gan Fall's grip on her shoulder firmed, reminding her that she couldn't relax just yet. "Can you coordinate the evacuation of the civilians, my dear? I have others who need my attention."

"Of course." Conis nodded, biting her lip. She had to do this… It was her fault Enel was angry, so it was the least she could do to help people escape. Not that they needed much coordinating now; people were starting to organize themselves as they quickly retrieved the most important items from their homes.

Nodding, Gan Fall spurred his mount into the air. The bird took off with a loud neighing squawk- no other creature in the world could've made such a sound. As for the knight… His face was grim, as if he thought he was heading to his death. Or at the very least to a task he knew he may not succeed.

And then, as she kept a sharp eye out for people who needed help, Conis' blood ran cold. The White Berets! She hadn't seen any of them. They must be still on Angel Beach; some of them had been frozen pretty badly.

"SANDRAH!" Conis yelled for one of her childhood friends using Gan Fall's projection device. Seconds later, the aforementioned young woman appeared, red hair in disarray.

"Conis? Is something wrong?" A wide mouth quirked up in a wry smile. "Aside from the whole bit where the island might soon explode in lightning and doom?"

That made Conis smile in spite of herself. Sandrah was such a rock… Exactly what Conis needed right now. "Sandrah, when the Blue Sea dwellers came up on Angel Beach, I called the White Berets to arrest them. One of them- a woman who controls weather- froze the squad. I need someone to help me thaw them out." Conis was pretty sure she had enough Flame Dials to do it quickly, if she had help.

Sandrah nodded, her wry smile morphing into a determined one. "You've got it. Oi, Faless!"

"Yes?" Sandrah's boyfriend appeared out of the crowd, bag slung over his shoulder. The redheaded angel plucked the projection device from Conis' hands and tossed it to him.

"Keep things in order here! Me'n Conis gotta go save your brother and his friends." Sandrah gave Faless a quick peck on the cheek. "Don't die, 'kay?"

"I'll do my best." Faless smirked, waving a little as the girls scampered away for the beach.

"I don't suppose you have any Heat or Flame Dials?" Conis asked her friend as they ran. "I think I have enough, but…"

"Worry not, my pallid pal." Sandrah grinned and turned up the inside of her pockets. Heat Dials galore. "I found the _motherload_ last time Faless and I went treasure hunting. Was gonna sell them at the market today, but there wasn't enough time. Good thing, huh?"

Conis gave a watery smile. "I never thought I'd say this, but I could _kiss_ you packrats right now."

 **-V-**

Enel had Nami and Lisa. _Enel had taken Nami and Lisa to get to us!_ He'd thrown them into ca cave, locked them in, hurt them… I charged, screaming, my vision going red. Usopp and Ruatha were on my back, wailing; I could barely hear them.

Enel stood in front of the cave, looking smug and deranged and oh so punch-able. I landed across from him, skidding and nearly falling over. Even if my powers were doing most of the work, my legs and lungs burned from using Geppo for so long. If Usopp and Ruatha hadn't been on my back as a counterbalance, I probably would've fallen on my face. As it was, I ended up on my knees, broken pieces of undergrowth flying up from the ruts my landing tore in the forest floor.

My thighs were killing me.

Usopp leapt clear as if touching me burned him. One shaking hand held his hammer; the gunner hid partway behind a tree before realizing that staying at range could do him no good. He was out of ammo, and even if he _had_ anything, Enel's range was greater than that of a slingshot.

Ruatha jumped down too, as I got to my feet. My baby wasn't as inclined to hide as Usopp. Instead, he raised himself up to his full height and hissed, wings flaring. With his head almost level with my shoulders and a wingspan nearly twice the length of his body, Ruatha was actually quite impressive.

Not as impressive as he would be when he was fully grown, but still.

"You…" Gold jangled as Enel pointed his staff at me, the rings clanking together. "I know you're not Luffy- your heartbeat wasn't at Angel Beach during _that_. So, if you're not the one who _claims_ to be immune to my powers… How dare you challenge God?"

"We dare challenge because you are _not_ a god." How best to do this? Force alone? Sais? Gun? Whip? Pipe? None of those sounded like a particularly good idea. What I'd give for some seastone… Kairoseki would make a great an excellent addition to the tsukagashira of my sais.

Shitshitshit, this was a Luffy fight! I had no right to be here! Holy Shitballs!

But I couldn't let Enel see how terrified I was, so I pasted a smirk on my face. This _infuriated_ him. The lightning logia hissed, releasing his power into his golden staff to morph it into a trident before my eyes.

"Luminous Forge!"

Wow. A Luffy countering technique. I was as honoured even as I screamed internally. My smirk broadened as I fought the rush of adrenaline in my blood. Keeping my voice level was a struggle- especially with how much _anger_ was mixing with my fear. "Impressive. But what does it prove?"

"This." And then Enel _stabbed himself in the hand_ with his trident, lightning crackling. "Men bleed. I do not. _Gods_ do not."

Then, almost faster than I could follow, the trident flew forth, thrown by muscle and lightning. I couldn't dodge; I barely had time to raise my arm to deflect the strike. It tore lightly across my forearm, reopening one of twelve red lines. My new armour left _those_ on display. Red dripped out, splattering on the ground.

Behind me, behind Usopp even, something rustled in the trees.

Enel sneered. "Gods don't bleed," he reiterated. With anyone else, I would've told them off for being so smug after throwing away their weapon, but… For a logia in Paradise, it wasn't much of a handicap.

"Actually…" A tiny voice sounded behind me. My blood ran cold. _Aisa_. "Actually, gods _do_ bleed."

I couldn't look back at her, but I could hear fear and admiration in Aisa's voice. "Nanahuatzin, the Sun Beginning, gives of his blood that the world might survive. That's where his scars come from. Fire and sacrifice."

Tabarnak. My stomach dropped to my feet. This just got even more complicated. "Usopp get the kid outta here!"

"I'm not leaving you!" The gunner was shaking as he prepped something using sparklers. What could he possibly be doing? Growling, I searched for other options.

"Ruatha, take Aisa home!"

"Niid!"

"I'm not leaving!" Aisa put her own two cents in as she clung to a towering fern. "I have to see this!"

"Then you will all die together!" Enel waved his hands in a wide arc. "Shango!"

A wave-shaped blast of lightning exploded from his hands. I threw myself forward, flinging my arms apart as I dove into the electricity. Words leapt to my lips unbidden. "Coulomb's Field!"

It stung- I won't pretend it didn't. Lightning crackled over my arms as I sent it flying to either side; it burnt my hairs and danced on the studs in my armour. A couple of trees exploded when the deflected charge hit them. But… Usopp, Ruatha, and Aisa were safe. That was most important.

Enel froze and _stared_. His mouth fell open; his eyes bulged in their sockets and turned white. I grinned- a real one, not forced this time. "And me without a Vision Dial."

My blood sang with excitement. _I could do this_. Heart pounding, mind racing, I slid back into a fighting stance. Enel did as well, although his movement was slightly shaky, off. He was still recovering from the surprise. Whether it was greater or lesser than it would've been, because he was already expecting Luffy… That I couldn't tell.

Behind me, Usopp cackled. Although it sounded kind of hollow- he was still terrified. "You fool! You really think we'd challenge you if only _one_ of our crew was immune to your powers? We have a whole _army_ of people who could swat you like a fly!"

Enel twitched towards the gunner, although the larger portion of his attention was still fixed on me. This proved to be undoing. Disoriented as he was, Enel wasn't making use of his Haki, so he wasn't fast enough to dodge when Usopp pulled back and fired something from his slingshot.

Wait- what? Wasn't he out of ammo?

"Usopp Hammer- Firework Edition!" A small hammer spun through the air, lit sparklers bound to its handle. Right before it hit, Enel regained his composure enough to laugh as his lightning body pa-

Thunked loudly with the sound of a hammer hitting a skull?

My smirk fell away from my face, replaced by utter bafflement. "Was… Was that a rubber mallet?"

"Yup." Usopp was even more stunned than I was. The gunner edged further behind his tree. Not that it would provide all that much protection against all but the smallest of Enel's attacks…

"Ack!" Enel wiped sparks and ashes away from his eyes. Bits of cornea healed with little pops of lightning; his creepy ears waved as he moved. "Stupid mortals! You're really pissing me off!"

"Yeah… We're good at that." My smirk returned full force. "If you think we're bad, you should see our captain."

"You little-!" Enel surged forward, hands crackling blue-white. "Five Million Vo-!"

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"

Ruatha dug his claws into the soil and _screeched_ , wings spread for balance. The sound nearly knocked me off my feet; my ears rang like the bells of Notre Dame. Enel aborted his attack to clap his hands over _his_ ears- apparently being intangible didn't protect logias from assaults on their hearing. Sadly, it _did_ protect him from electrocuting himself with his own lightning.

The ground trembled slightly, as if there was a stampede approaching.

"Newton's Second!" I darted forth, drawing a sai with one hand as I lashed out with the other. I released three bursts of force in quick succession, punching and swinging. "Tiger Blade!"

Something… _interesting_ happened then. Each charge I released made Enel flash bright gold, but they didn't seem to hurt him at all. His eyes went wide. Then Enel struck back at me and sent my _flying_ back in a burst of lightning. I struck a tree, falling to land on me feet.

Usopp gaped. "What the Hell was that?!"

"Tabarnak!" I spat a gob of blood into the dirt. I'd bitten my tongue when I hit the tree. "Osti d'épais de marde… I didn't think about that…"

"Didn't think about what?!" Usopp was flailing now, as if me not thinking about something was the worst news he could possibly hear.

"I control forces- he's _made_ of one. Makes this complicated." But not impossible. After all, Enel still couldn't hurt me, while I could figure out a way to hurt him.

Of course, Enel didn't seem to think so. "Twenty Million Volt Vari!"

Lightning-infused fists rained on me from every direction. I blocked a few, but Enel was remembering to use Haki now; most strikes flowed past my defenses like water. I managed to twist slightly with each one, though, enough to send the electricity rolling off. An instant before I could swing my foot up into his crotch, the lightning logia jumped back.

"You're too slow." Oh, how I wanted to punch that smirk off Enel's face.

Blue slid slowly around a clump of trees; Nola appeared, bowing her head. Her rider- wait, what?- beamed and waved, sunlight glinting off golden straw. "Hi Jones! Hi Usopp! What'd I miss!"

"Hi Captain," I panted, "Just kicking butt and taking names." Three steps forward; I kicked Usopp's hammer back to him so he could fling it if I could get him another opening.

"Hey Luffy!" Picking up the weapon, Usopp immediately began tying something around the handle. His hands were shaking. "Wait- Jones if Enel's _made_ of forces, shouldn't you be able to control _him_?"

"Maybe if I Awakened my Fruit," I ground out, spinning to dissipate a bolt of lightning. Although even then… That would open up a contest of wills, which would probably be won by whoever had the greatest Haki. "Right now… As I am now, the best I could do would be causing a feedback loop that would kill us both."

Aisa gasped; Luffy frowned in concern. "No good! I don't like plans that have the words _would kill us both_!"

"I _know_ that, Captain!"

"Thirty Million Volt Hino!" Enel opened his hands like wings; a falcon made of lightning soared forth from his shoulders and drums.

"Coulomb's Field!" The thunderbird was too big. I could punch a safe corridor through the middle, but the wings continued on. Several trees exploded; several more caught fire. The smell of smoke permeated the air.

Usopp flinched and crouched behind the smouldering remains of his shelter. "Luffy! Intervene! Do something!"

"I can't! This is your guys's fight!" An unspoken _for now_ hung in the air. I had no doubt that the instant something happened to us, Luffy would jump right in.

" _MAAAAAAAAAAAAARZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!_ "

Ruatha screeched again, forcing Enel to cover his ears. Usopp and I took the opening. Such as it was; Enel was focused now. Even with his hands occupied, he made an effort to get out of the way.

" _TAI!_ "

"Usopp Hammer- Trip!"

While the lightning logia avoided my punch with relative ease, he wasn't quite able to predict the spinning rubber mallet that came in just below his knee. Usopp's attack smashed into Enel's shin. The rope he'd tied around the handle briefly entangled the false god's legs- long enough for me to smash my elbow into Enel's face.

For all the good that did. Stupid logia ethereal body shenanigans.

"GAH!" Flowing free of his restraints, Enel snarled at Ruatha. "You- You are an annoyance. Face the wrath of a divine dragon! Sixty Million Volt Julunggul!"

Enel reached back and slapped two of his drums, setting the air thrumming. Loud, powerful… I'd never heard drums quite like them. A huge, spiralling dragon, far larger than his earlier thunderbird, emerged with a crack of thunder. There was no way I could dissipate this one. Not that I didn't try.

"Coulomb's Field!"

"Mon-AAAAAAAAAAAAACH!" Lightning crackled around me, barely impeded by my presence. Several million volts struck my baby full in the face. Ruatha screamed, blown backwards by the impact alone. Every muscle in his body went completely tense, then started twitching uncontrollably.

Thankfully he was still breathing.

" _ **FUCK YOU, TABARNAK!**_ " I jumped forward, unthinking, full of nothing but _rage_. One fist plunged through Enel's stomach. " _ **COULOMB'S FIELD!**_ "

Enel's body temporarily dissipated. The difference this time was that when he reformed, he had a giant bruise below his ribs. He hissed. "You loathsome little _bitch_! That actually _hurt_! KITEN!"

Now, there is exactly one thing that can snap me out of a rage. One thing that I'd never actually encountered in the context of a fight before, so I had no idea that it _could_ snap me out until that moment. Now, I doubt it would've happened had I not been sure Ruatha would survive this, but even so… My anger evaporated briefly, in part from surprise, and in part because of another emotion that snapped through my brain for a split second.

"Kitten?"

The shining form surging towards me was meant to be a wolf. Later I would remember that. At the time, though, all I saw was pointy ears, shaggy hair, and a puffy tail. My arms closed around what appeared to be a great, fluffy neck; I dug my fingers into a soft golden mane.

"Kitty!"

 _ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!_

Every muscle in my body went rigid; I flew almost a hundred meters back. After a brief second of blackness- I think I passed out for a moment- I slammed head first into a tree. Upon sliding to the bottom, I lay there on my back, limp. Didn't even have enough strength to move a finger. Blue, green, and purple lights and afterimages flashed throughout my vision.

Apparently whatever I was doing to deflect and dissipate lightning didn't take effect if I _actively hugged it_.

My eyes spun, time slowing down as my heart raced to catch up with the lightning. It wasn't succeeding. Blackness took bites out of the edges of my vision- I was about ten seconds from passing out. Which, in my sluggish, racing, disoriented state, was plenty of time to see what was going on around me.

The afterimages were _pretty_ … Some of them looked like stars and hearts. Or flowers. Or fireworks. Or _people_ \- those ones were probably afterimages of the battle that had momentarily frozen around me.

Ruatha raised his head weakly, sweatdropping as he stared at me. Usopp sweatdropped from behind the ruins of his sheltering tree. Luffy sweatdropped and groaned, tugging his hat down over his ears; Nola produced a drop of sweat so large it nearly washed the captain off her head. Aisa sweatdropped and let out a small, distressed whine, biting down on the crumpled edge of her sleeve. Even _Enel_ sweatdropped, apparently unable to believe what had just happened.

One of the blue afterimages flashing around me facepalmed. A low voice sighed in my ear, so quiet I couldn't tell if I was hallucinating or not. _Keira, my love…_

. . .

 _ **. . .**_

Wait, _WHAT?!_

 **THUNK.**


	35. Cacaphony

**Cacophony: a harsh, discordant mixture of sounds**

 **G1ntsuk1: Thank you. Although I think this chapter may have been pushing it on how slow I was. Sorry for the delay.**

 **Guest (January 3** **rd** **): I LIVE INDEED! *strikes a pose* And actually, that was indeed my plan. Foiled again...**

 **SparrowOfTheBlock: That Easter egg was indeed intentional. Congratulations!**

 **Dragondacer81: *blushes profusely and dances like Chopper***

 **Cisk Kazzarch: Thanks. I'm glad to be back, what little I am.**

 **Raisuke the Lightning Herald: It's good to be back! Thanks! But I'm no queen...**

 **Fantasylovermagi: Thanks! But I'm no queen...**

 **Darkmaster10000000: Patient and I are still together at the moment, yes. Thank you.**

 **Guest (January 7** **th** **): Thank you very much. *dances***

 **Noblelady2: Thank you!**

 **Gamelover41592: Thanks! It's good to be back. Slow, but back. And I'll work on getting a little faster so the waits aren't quite so long. (Seven months, tabarnak...)**

 **Kippysaurus: You're right, I labelled Law as English mostly for the transportation jokes. So much fun... I'll keep your ideas in mind for Doffy- they're interesting. Thanks! As for how I motivate myself... *shrugs* I keep imagining scenes I would really like to write, then writing the in-between stuff until I get there. Things like Ace burning Jones, or the great Blackbeard fiasco, or the currently upcoming War of 1812 moment. Sorry if that's not very helpful...**

 **Questions: I have only taken down and reposted this story once, and it was because my parents forced me to take it down and I had to wait a few months to put it back up so they didn't notice.**

 **Guest (January 17** **th** **): You're welcome.**

 **Guest (January 20** **th** **): Sorry about that. The reason I make the omakes separate chapters is because sometimes I need a short little thing to boost my morale- sometimes I tank in the middle of working on a chapter and need to get back on track. And then I want to post them right away instead of waiting...**

 **Diggin: I'm... not exactly doing better yet, but I'm trying. Thank you.**

 **AkioTheHero: Thank you- I'm glad to be back. And I'll try not to make you sad- at least due to a lack of updates.**

 **Hunting4Harts: Thank you. Although writing often helps me work through things, so I might be better off if I can actually get myself doing it more...**

 **Call Brig On Over: Thanks. It's good to be back.**

 **DraconicDuelist: Thank you very much. The beginning of my story... Jones' flashbacks are all based on things that have actually happened to me, just with some of the names changed. As for Blue's story "Kebana t'Stihau-ve," the English title (which Blue probably should have used, but she was trying to make herself feel more intellectual and avoid giving away the ending) was originally "The Pornoglyph." The Drangor words essentially mean "The Stone of Intercourse." And the show my commentary on statistics was from was called** _ **Corner Gas**_ **.**

 **Gerbilfriend: Thank you very much.**

 **T0PH4T: Thank you for giving me a chance. I hope I continue to provide entertainment.**

 **I-Kan-Spel: Wow. You must know my story better than I do if you noticed that line going missing when I reposted. Thank you- it's fixed now.**

 **The Nefarious Nerd: Ouch. My best wishes to your grandmother, and my apologies if this comes late.**

 **HamClad: Thank you very much. *bows deeply* I hope I continue to live up to those expectations.**

 **Draco Oblivion: Thank you. I love experimenting with Luffy's Voice of All Things- it can be so useful and fun.**

 **HarunoWolf17: *blushes heavily* That quote does indeed make sense, yes. Thank you... Although surely saying I'm one of the greatest is an exaggeration... *dances like Chopper* The question of romance is tricky in TRL, to be honest. Before I started dating Patient, the plan was to have the main relationship be Robin X Jones X Ace, but I'm no longer certain I'm comfortable writing that outcome... As for the sword thing, yes, Jones could easily learn to use a sword- she actually already knows a couple of basics, since she's me. But no, I don't think she'll be carrying Funkfreed. I try to avoid overlapping with** _ **This Bites!**_ **too much (except during crossovers).**

 **Guest (April 10** **th** **): It doesn't have more reviews because I was forced to take it down and repost it, so I lost all the old ones. But I'll work hard to get more! *determined face***

 **TheOwlOfTheNight: Thank you. And I don't intend to give up. I'll keep going as long as I can.**

 **GreenLilly: Never fear, my Hats won't be meeting the team. One universe worth of chaos is enough for me for now. And some of those pairings have interesting potential, if I felt like practicing writing romance... Thanks.**

 **Dantezess: Sorry you didn't like Ace's introduction. And yes, Jones' Fruit is all kinds of broken. It's fun to play with.**

 **Guest (May 4** **th** **): Here's an update, although I doubt this is what you meant by soon. Sorry!**

 **Meian Kurayami: *dances like Chopper* Thank you very much!**

 **Sum9: Hard the work has been... I did hit a bit of a dry spell, and some more depression too, but I think they're past for now. Thank you!**

 **Miep42: Thank you very much! T-T It's good to be back.**

 **Celesse201: Here's more! Although Jones doesn't play much part in this chapter, being unconscious and all.**

 **NocturnalCreature998: Aye, you read right. Perkunas. Jones follows an old Baltic pantheon- not quite Lithuanian, but close enough that there's some overlap. I do know a bit about some Lithuanian gods and traditions- mythology in general interests me greatly, even regarding paths I don't follow.**

 **Naparis9000: Hmmm... Interesting idea, but I already have plans for what to do with Merry. Thanks anyway.**

 **Amillefleur: Thank you for your enthusiasm! Your help would be appreciated when I get to that point, if you're still interested, but I've still got a long ways to go.**

 **Azareel: Thank you very much.**

 **Schazmen: Thank you very much. And I hope I didn't turn you off by making Enel act the way he does at the end of this one...**

 **MnRebel27: Thank you very much! I probably should switch that chapter, I guess... But at the same time, it's in the order they were written and published right now, and it feels weird to change it from that...**

 _Fwap! Thud!_

The sound of his tail hitting his opponent's skull was music to Drifter's ears. The otter twisted in the air, trying hard not to fall. Below him, Geier shot past the rider's flaming lance, so close one of her feathers caught fire. Such a nasty smell… Luckily, she was able to put it out quickly, rolling through a thick patch of cloud.

{{Black Cat's Claws!}}

Drifter used his target's head like a dancer's pole, swinging around to slash at the man's face with his clam blades. Many of the strikes did little damage, blocked first by a leather helmet and then by gloves as the bird rider brought a hand up. A few lucky blows caught around his forehead and temples, though, and head wounds bleed. Drifter dropped to the bird's back and ducked to avoid flailing hands as the rider, blinded by his own blood, tried to throw the otter officer off.

Of course, the feathery platform didn't exactly stay level. Drifter had to hang on tight as the bird bucked sharply in the air, Geier coming up from beneath to gouge the larger avian repeatedly with her beak.

{{Take this, bastard! Fury Attack!}} A particularly nasty strike ripped some feathers from the giant raptor's chest and left it bleeding, although Geier's beak was too short to get in and damage anything important. {{How dare you attack our friends! Our ship!}}

{{Shura asked me to!}} the massive bird retorted, snapping at Geier. He couldn't quite twist his head enough to reach her properly, though. {{And whatever my friend asks is my pleasure to do! After all, those friends of yours were just worthless wounded; they won't last much longer whether we kill them or not!}}

{{Barbarian!}} Geier let out a vicious hiss, jabbing the larger bird with her beak once more before launching herself away.

The bird's rider- who must be this Shura person- reoriented himself in a matter of seconds. Drawing back in an odd position, the man lunged at Drifter with his spear. Which was a very stupid move, in the otter's opinion. If the human missed him, he ran a high chance of hitting his own mount.

"Stupid rodent! You'll never beat me- you can't use Mantra! And unlike that ghost, I _can_ actually hit you! Now _die!_ "

Drifter waited until the last possible second, then slipped away from the lance just as it would have hit him. The result was a spike of burning steel plunging into the giant bird's shoulder blades, setting it bucking and screeching.

{{Not a rodent!}} Drifter snarled, although he knew his opponent couldn't understand him. How he wished he could speak English. And… What was that about a ghost? Eh, he'd find out later. Must've been something Ghin and Toma did to defend the _Going Merry_ ; maybe something Usopp and the hopeless hunters had built? {{Open the Umbrella!}}

A heavy tail strike to the chest knocked the bird rider backwards, tearing him free of his harness. Whatever this Mantra thing was, it didn't seem to help him dodge. At least, not when the fighting platform was the back of his bird. The man kept a firm hold on his lance as he tumbled ass over teakettle through the air. At the last moment, a gloved hand closed over one of the straps of the bird's riding harness, saving the rider from falling.

Huh. Those wings were just for looks, then.

{{Incoming!}} Geier took advantage of the distraction to dart in at the larger bird again, this time aiming for his wing. The great raptor let out a wordless hiss and snapped at the vulture, buffeting her away with powerful wingbeats. He was just a bit too slow, however; as Geier tumbled away, so did a hefty chunk of the larger bird's feathers. Gleaming eyes glowed with anger.

{{You're a real pain in my ass, Blue Sea Feather Rat!}}

{{Not yet,}} Geier chirped back, {{But I'm _going_ to be.}}

{{HSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I'll get you, or my name isn't Fuza!}} The larger raptor swiped at Geier with his talons, missing as she rolled out of the way. Drifter's partner raised one feathery eyebrow.

{{So… What's your name, then?}}

"Heat Javelin!" The heat of that flaming lance approaching let Drifter know that his own opponent had climbed back up to secure footing. Rolling out of the way once more, the otter jumped and launched himself at Shura's face just as Fuza was rearing back his head.

{{Sunbird!}}

{{Four-Leafed Clover!}}

Flames shot forth from Fuza's mouth- which really wasn't fair, because Drifter had never seen Ruatha do that and the scale-snapper was a _dragon_. The fire caught the edges of Geier's wings, filling the air with the smell of burnt feathers. Drifter very nearly abandoned his own attack mid-leap, a strong urge to check on his partner overtaking him. But she was just as experienced as he was, already rolling into a patch of cloud to put out the fire. She would be fine.

Four arcing slices… Shura blocked two of them, but with one hand holding his lance, he couldn't defend properly. At least not without stabbing himself in the face; being small had certain advantages when it came to fighting up close and personal. As soon as his attack was done, Drifter sheathed his clam blades in mid-air. His opponent tried to punch him and knock him out of the way; the otter responded to this by grabbing Shura's fist and using it as leverage to flip himself over, bringing his tail down _hard_ on the man's head.

{{Bell Toll!}}

Shura was momentarily dazed by the blow, his eyes spinning. This gave Drifter a change to get his bearings, dropping to land on Fuza's back. It _also_ gave Geier a chance to dart in and try to take the man's lance. Unfortunately, Fuza foiled her attempt; the giant raptor reared back in the air and buffeted Geier with his enormous wings. Desperately trying to avoid being blown away, the vulture folded her own wings and latched beak and talon onto the larger bird's riding harness.

This had the unfortunate side-effect of getting her badly tangled in said riding harness when Fuza dove and rolled to try and grab her. If Drifter hadn't been so busy holding onto the larger bird for dear life, he would've facepalmed.

"Heat Javelin Flurry!"

Shura had managed to maintain his position through the bucking and rolling despite being stunned. Probably by tangling his legs with the riding harness. He used this position to rain strikes down at Drifter's head, apparently headless of the fact that he could potentially stab Fuza. One of the strikes clipped Drifter's ear; the others missed by millimeters as he bounded towards his opponent across the great bird's feathery back.

Lances really weren't made for fighting in such close quarters.

Down below, Geier was struggling to free herself from the entangling riding straps. Her movement caused Fuza to roll and twist. Bending his head down, the larger bird tried to snap Drifter's partner in half with his mighty beak, but he couldn't quite reach.

. . .

This guy wasn't so dangerous as he was _fucking annoying_. He was a bomber pilot, used to fighting ground targets that couldn't move fast or attack on his level. Someone like that should know better than to engage a more maneuverable airborne opponent without backup.

{{Fuckit… I don't have time for you. I'm supposed to be looking for my friends, Asshole.}} Drawing his clam blades, Drifter darted in as his opponent pulled back to prepare a strike. He hadn't used this technique in a long time- no way was he going to let someone like Crocodile see what he could _really_ do when the man had no respect for him. But for Luffy… Luffy and the rest of the Straw Hats deserved his best.

{{One for Sorrow, Two for Joy, Three for a Girl, Four for a Boy!}}

A quick headbutt, skull against skull. Drifter's head smarted at that, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the time he'd done this to a bear. That strike was followed with two long slices across the chest that ripped through Shura's armour. Last, a powerful tail met the man's groin as Drifter landed. The otter also cut Fuza's riding straps at the same time, causing Shura to lose his tenuous footing on the bird's back.

Shura scrabbled for the ends of the riding straps with his free hand. A fat lot of good it did him, given that they were falling away, sliced to ribbons. When he realized this, the bird rider actually threw his lance overboard in order to try and climb back on his partner's back. Geier, now free from where she'd been entangled, wasted no time in swooping to grab the weapon.

Maybe if he'd been alone, Shura would've managed to wrap his arms around Fuza's neck and hang on long enough for the bird to land. Maybe. Drifter wasn't interested in giving him that chance, though. This man had attacked his injured, defenseless crewmates. Had they been back on Newfin Island, Drifter could've brought him in on _so many_ charges for that. As it was… As it was, when this asshole was one of the ones _making_ and _enforcing_ the laws, there was really only one thing to do.

Drifter leapt up onto Geier's back as she swooped back around, motioning to Shura with his paw. If birds were capable of grinning maliciously, Geier would have. Since she couldn't, what she _did_ do was dive down and wedge the tip of the still-warm Heat Javelin between Shura's chest and Fuza's back, prying the not-quite-human rider off of his mount like she was opening an oyster shell. As she did so, her talons pressed some nigh-invisible button on the haft, sending flames shooting up from chinks in the metal. As his partner used her momentum to throw Shura back, Drifter took care to slap the man in the face with one of his signs.

 _You're fired_.

He was rewarded with a somewhat high-pitched yelp as Shura tumbled away from Fuza. Normally, Drifter wasn't one to find the idea of someone falling several stories to the ground _funny_ , but this… It was almost impossible not to laugh at that very un-manly scream.

"AaaaAAAAAuuugh!"

{{SHIT! SHURA!}} Singed and panicking, Fuza dove off to the side in pursuit of his falling rider. For a moment, Drifter considered going after him. But… The giant bird didn't look at all dangerous now, singed badly and with large patches of feathers missing. Targeting him now would be just _sad_. And they had Shura's weapon now…

Sighing, Drifter settled into his usual position on Geier's back. {{That was a waste of time…}}

Geier snorted, one eye focused on the Heat Javelin as she soared through the air. {{Speak for yourself. _I_ just got me a new toy.}} She shot him a reproachful look. {{Plus, we avenged whatever they did at the _Going Merry_ , which I doubt Ghin and Toma could do themselves right now.}}

{{Right, right.}} Drifter frowned. What exactly _had_ the bird and his maniac done to their friends? The otter patted his partner's left wing. {{If Jones and Usopp are still alive, I'm sure they can look after themselves a while longer. We should go find Ghin and Toma, check on them. If those assholes did anything…}}

{{I don't think Sanji will appreciate you using a coffee cannister for that purpose,}} Geier told him as she wheeled away in the direction Shura and Fuza had come from. Drifter snorted.

{{If those two did anything to our friends, I won't need a coffee cannister. One of Sanji's old cigarette boxes will be more than big enough.}}

 **-V-**

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Wyper strained against the chains binding him, but they'd somehow become stuck fast. That… That didn't make sense. How could chains lock themselves? It was hard enough to believe that so many of them had wrapped around him when the ball exploded, let alone that they could pin him to a tree with such force. He couldn't even raise his arm to fire his Burn Bazooka.

Dozens of cloud balls floated through the air nearby. Wyper tried to kick one in frustration, only to be reminded that his legs were bound as tight as the rest of him. How in _blazes_ was he going to get out of this?!

One of the nearby cloud balls began to giggle. It slowly unfolded, revealing red hair, fluffy wings, and stocky limbs. Wyper growled.

"Potoni tlacatecolotl!"

"Now, now, now, that's just rude," Satori chided with a pout. The false priest actually looked… disappointed? "I was so hoping to catch one of those Blue Sea rats, too… But all I got was a rude little fly."

Bouncing closer, Satori actually dared to _pat Wyper on the head_. The war leader felt himself go red with rage; he tried to bite the false priest's hand, that being the only course of action truly available to him at the moment. Satori clicked his tongue and shook his head.

"Don't be rude, little fly. I can still spare a few minutes to play with you, while you're in my web." Satori cast around at his numerous floating balls, humming. "Let's see… What shall I do to you first? Shall I set you on fire? Wash out that filthy mouth of yours? Have you pecked to death by enraged turkeys?"

"I'M NO ONE'S PLAYTHING!" Wyper snarled, straining against his bonds. The chains shifted ever so slightly. Ah. So they _weren't_ properly locked after all. "UNTIE ME AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!"

Satori shook his head, reeling one of his floating balls in close and testing its… weight? Density? Something like that. "No, no, no, I'm afraid that just won't do. I'm something more than a man, you see; I'm one of Enel's chosen. While you are… less."

Then the false priest's face lit up. "Ah, yes! This one will work nicely!"

He lobbed the cloud ball he was holding towards Wyper. It detonated a bit prematurely, still several centimeters from his face; needles flew out in every direction, more than a hundred of them. And yet somehow only one struck its intended target, piercing through the lobe of Wyper's left ear. Satori pouted.

"Well, that was no fun. Let's find another one…"

"I… am not… your toy!" Wyper grunted between breaths as he strained harder against the chains binding him. "And this… is not… your land!"

The chains were shifting now, some more than others. They loosened fastest around his chest and shoulders, with the one at his neck barely moving at all. Wyper felt the heavy links digging into his windpipe, pinching at his skin. They made breathing difficult. But if he could just get his arm free to use his Burn Bazooka…

"No… No… Not that one either…" Satori, meanwhile, was continuing to examine and flip through his balls. Which made no sense- Wyper couldn't see how the false priest could possibly know what was in each one. They all looked exactly the same. It was probably just a power play to try and make him nervous. Well, he was too angry to be nervous.

Slick, sticky streams began to thread their way down Wyper's neck and chest from where the chains were digging into his skin. For a moment, he couldn't breathe _at all_. Black patches bloomed on the edges of his vision. Then all at once, the chains holding him _snapped_.

 _SKRRRRR-KUNG!_

Gasping, Wyper rolled free. He fumbled with his Burn Bazooka as he came up in a kneeling position, not truly bothering to aim. A concerted effort at aiming would only make it more likely that Satori could use Mantra to dodge- that, and when your weapon is capable of striking a fairly large area, aiming is largely unnecessary.

 _FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!_

A cone of flame roared out of the barrel of the weapon, scorching everything within thirty meters in front of Wyper. This included about two dozen trees, a vast quantity of undergrowth, eighteen cloud balls, and one false priest. The cloud balls exploded in showers of multicoloured sparks; their wielder yelped and rolled across the ground to extinguish the flames on his clothing and hair.

"Owie, owie, owie!" Dancing around as he patted out the last few flames on his backside, Satori shot Wyper a venomous glare. "Alright, now I'm angry. Bikkuritama Tsuki!"

The false priest threw one of his cloud balls directly at Wyper's face, kicking a few others so that they bounced off of each other like a demented game of ullamaliztli. The first exploded as Wyper ducked out of the way, releasing a smell like rotten peppers. It made his eyes water. Two other balls got within striking distance; one of these burst into flames as it brushed by Wyper's arm, while the other sent more chains flying everywhere.

Thankfully, this time they didn't bind him to a tree. Leaping over the flying chains, Wyper found himself face to face with a suddenly rather pale Satori. He squeezed the trigger, firing his Burn Bazooka at point-blank range… Only to have a disappointingly small tongue of flame lick out with all the ferocity of a nervous kitten. This gave Satori ample time to scamper away.

"Dammit! What's wrong?" Wyper quickly turned his weapon over in his hands. Why would…? Oh. There were needles jammed into the regulator. He must've used up his entire charge in that initial blast. Shit.

"HAH!" Satori bounced out of reach before Wyper could grab him to deal with him hand-to-hand. The false priest swung up into a tree as the war leader tossed his broken Burn Bazooka aside. "As if a half-wit tribal like you could ever defeat me! Just accept your fate and die quietly. Tama Dragon!"

Several of the nearby cloud balls formed together into a chain, as if pulled by invisible strings. Leaping onto the construction's back, Satori applied the finishing touch in the form of a grinning serpent's head sculpted from the same type of cloud. The entire construct dove at Wyper with frightening speed, its creator laughing madly on its back. Rolling out of the way, the Shandian war leader ducked behind a tree…

Only to find that the cloudy dragon was still chasing him. One of the balls that made up its body clipped a branch as it soared around the tree, causing the whole thing to explode in Wyper's face. Satori was thrown off with a surprised grunt, although he seemed to be largely unharmed.

The same couldn't be said for Wyper. The blast knocked him off his feet, covering him with something sticky and leaving his face and chest red and raw. White spots danced across his vision from the blinding light. All around him, weapons and shards of shrapnel that had been contained in one of the cloud balls rained down on the forest floor. One of them, a decorated hunting spear, bit deeply into Wyper's shoulder.

"GRRRRSHT!"

Grabbing the haft of the spear, Wyper yanked it out of his shoulder as he rose to his feet. That action set another thin stream of blood flowing, this one down his arm, but he didn't particularly care. Channelling all of his rage into s single, focused glare, Wyper slowly advanced on Satori. He stepped carefully to avoid slicing his feet open on any of the fallen weapons. In a matter of moments he was behind the false priest, although Satori was too busy beating out the fires that had caught on his jumpsuit to pay Wyper much attention.

 _Fwump! Tong-Smack!_

Kicking up a shield he found among the scattered weapons, Wyper caught it and settled it on his arm. That sound finally got Satori's attention; the false priest turned around to look at Wyper with dull, bored eyes.

"Why won't you just die already?"

"I was born during the tonalli of the ocelotl," Wyper growled. "And while I'm not sure what an ocelotl is, I know those born to it cannot be killed while they fight for their people."

"A silly superstition," Satori scoffed, gathering more of his cloud balls to himself. "Your backwoods traditions don't scare me, and they won't allow you to defeat my Mantra."

The false priest flung a series of cloud balls at Wyper in quick succession, using them as cover to back away. Each one exploded against the war leader's new shield as he crouched behind it, leaving him mostly unharmed. As he waited for the barrage to subside, Wyper focused on the only image he'd ever seen of an ocelotl. An elegant creature with giant claws and a spotted pelt… It was a predator built for speed. And while he didn't believe in the old superstitions the way some of his kinsmen did, he had no qualms with learning from jungle animals if it made you a better warrior.

"Will your Mantra still protect you if you're too slow to avoid me?"

"What?!"

"Hunter's Dance!"

Coiling like a spring, Wyper launched himself forwards as fast as he could. Satori managed to get partially out of the way, but the false priest wasn't quite fast enough. Wyper's shield caught Satori's leg against the side of a tree; the wooden rim dug into flesh to produce a yelp of pained surprise. From there, Wyper gave a mighty twist and heave, tossing his opponent back over his head.

There was a loud snap of bone as Satori's leg broke.

A quick spin and lunge allowed Wyper to strike Satori again as he came down, although the false priest avoided the worst of the damage by bouncing himself off one of his cloud spheres. Still, Wyper's spear left an obviously bleeding hole in the Birkan's wing.

"You- I- But I knew what you were- How?"

"Because if I am ocelotl, you are pochtecatl." Wyper wasn't entirely sure what the round, tusked creature the ocelotl had been hunting in the old engraving _was_ , but Satori certainly resembled one. "You're very dangerous, yes, but you cannot outrun one who was made to _hunt_."

Satori grimaced, hauling himself to his feet despite his broken leg. Wyper nodded at that, a tiny spark of respect flickering in the corner of his mind. At least the false priest was able to face his fate as a man. There would be no more bouncing around. Although that didn't prevent Satori from making one last effort to defend himself.

"Tama Dragon! Bikkuritama Tsuki!"

This time, Satori didn't try to ride the dragon that he threw at Wyper. This apparently made it harder for him to steer, though- that, or his broken leg was throwing off his balance and aim. The dragon ploughed head-first into a tree, its body coiling around the wood before exploding in a shower of sparks and sharp rocks. When the smoke cleared, the tree was _gone_. A sphere that released a cloud of stinking gas hit Wyper in the face, setting his eyes watering, while another cloud exploded like an overcharged Impact Dial and tore a hole in another tree. Two more cloud spheres exploded upon striking _each other_ , scattering candies and bars of soap across the battlefield.

Despite his watering eyes and stinging nose, Wyper advanced quickly on his target. He had more important things to deal with than a self-important false priest. A springing leap carried him into his target shield-first. This time, already hampered by a broken leg, Satori wasn't fast enough to get out of the way at all. Wyper slammed the false priest into a tree. There was a loud _crack_ as Satori's head bounced off wood.

Pulling back his shield, Wyper let Satori slump to the ground. Just in case, the war leader gave his opponent a swift kick to the face. No response. Good.

Wyper strode back over to where he'd discarded his broken Burn Bazooka and retrieved the weapon, slinging it in its usual place across his back. He would fix it later, when he had more time; at worst, he could throw it at Enel and hope it acted as some sort of distraction. Until then… His shield and spear were okay, although he'd prefer to have a Reject Dial.

Unless… Satori had to have used Dials to make his exploding cloud balls. Maybe _he_ had a Reject Dial. It was a long shot, but still…

Wyper bent down to rifle through Satori's jumpsuit pockets. There were a number of Dials, some of them types Wyper hadn't actually seen before. Those must be the ones that made the cloud spheres; they might come in handy, if he could figure out how to use them. Flame Dials, Axe Dials, Flavour Dials… The false priest had a rather nice pair of Impact Dial gloves that Wyper confiscated. No Reject Dials, though. Dammit.

Muttering curses under his breath, Wyper stalked off through the jungle. The Impact Dials would have to do when he found Enel. They weren't nearly as good, but maybe with them and his new spear… And if he could find the girl… _She_ could act as a Reject Dial for him. Where the Hell had she ended up?

 **-V-**

The strange man surged forward, his spikey dreadlocks trailing behind him. Johnny and Yosaku barely had time to swing their swords; there was certainly no time to flee. Blue-white sparks crackled along the blades as they swung.

"Electroblade!"

Most people, especially people who could move as fast as this stranger, would've at least tried to get out of the way. Not so here. The winged man charged right into their attacks. Electrified swords tore through purple fabric, then through flesh. But whatever pain the cuts caused didn't seem to bother this man at all.

"Jet Punch!"

Something on the winged man's elbows made a puffing noise; tiny jets of air tore holes in the sleeves of his violently violet suit. This resulted in Johnny and Yosaku each taking a heavy punch in the chest, too fast for them to get their swords around to block. The former bounty hunters skidded backwards a couple of metres, their boots digging furrows in the soft, cloudy soil. Only the fact that they were back to back, supporting each other, kept them from falling over.

Johnny's mouth tasted of copper. He spat out a few drops of blood, feeling the inside of his cheek swell where he must've bitten it. "Hey, Bro, this guy punches almost as hard as Big Bro Luffy."

Yosaku grinned. "Yep."

That was… disturbing. "I think you've been spending too much time with Big Bro Zoro and Big Sis Jones if you think that's something to be happy about. How do we defend against something like that?"

Yosaku's slightly disturbing grin broadened. "The same way they would. The best defense is a good offense, right?"

Johnny's heart plummeted to his shoes. Why? Why did they have to be the ones to do this? They weren't even originally here, according to Jones. Who was _supposed_ to fight this guy? Couldn't they do it instead?

"Come on, Bro! The sooner we do this, the sooner we can get back to searching for the others!" Yosaku slid into a low fighting stance. Johnny followed a beat behind, sighing. Then both hunters sprang at their opponent, swords flying.

"ELECTROBLADE STORM!"

Every slash struck home. The winged man they were fighting seemed to have completely forgotten that dodging was a thing that existed. Actually, judging by the greyish tint to his face, he wasn't always remembering to breathe either. Weird. Johnny and Yosaku drove their opponent back towards a huge tree in an effort to trap him; for his part, he continued punching them as they pushed and slashed and zapped. Whatever it was on his elbows that made little puffing noises also sped up his punches and made them hurt _a lot_.

He sure was dedicated to the idea of killing them, Johnny had to give him that.

It was only when his back struck the tree- which was now decorated with a red smear- that the winged man seemed to realize that however fast his punches were, he just couldn't get enough of them through the coordinated storm of swords to gain the advantage. He may have been taller, but Johnny and Yosaku's weapons were enough to give them reach, and the electricity in their blades caused spasms that made their opponent's attacks fly wild.

"Swamp Cloud Burger!"

The winged man clicked a Dial that he appeared to be using as a cuff link. Dense, sticky cloud flew out, coalescing into something that looked like a blob of grey tar. He flung this mass forwards; it expanded as it flew. Johnny and Yosaku leapt sideways and back, hitting the dirt as the expanding goop flew over their heads. It stopped a short distance away, forming a boggy looking puddle on the ground.

Johnny wanted to poke it. His free hand automatically reached for a stick, since he was fairly certain just sticking his finger into the blob wouldn't be a good idea. "What's that?"

"MM'M MMMMM MMMMM! MMM MMMMM MMM MMM'MM MM MMMMM MMM MMMMM!"

Oh. Right. This guy didn't always use his words properly.

"We can figure that out later!" Yosaku admonished. "For now, just try not to step in it!"

That was easier said than done. The winged man was flinging more of those blobs now, apparently trying to hit the hunters in the head with them. Johnny and Yosaku were kept busy for a few minutes just jumping around and dodging, since both were pretty sure they didn't _want_ whatever those blobs were made of touching their heads.

Soon, the blobs covered the ground completely. More hung from tree branches and clung to the sides of the tree trunks themselves, slowly oozing and dripping. A few even hovered in mid-air. It was impossible to get within sword-reach of the winged man- and he was still throwing blobs of tar-like cloud, making even assessing the situation difficult.

"How the fuck to we get rid of these things?" Johnny swore, clinging to a vine in the most dangerous game of _The Floor is Lava_ that he'd ever played. Yosaku hissed thoughtfully, hanging upside down from a tree branch that hadn't yet been coated in goop.

"We might have to use up our charges… That should clean this up."

"What if he just makes more?"

Yosaku shot his partner a flat look. "We just have to beat him quickly, then."

Johnny wasn't sure he liked this plan, but they didn't really have any others. Sliding down the vine slightly to avoid another thrown Swamp Cloud Burger, the blue hunter spun the dial on his spray gun.

"Base Drops!"

"Acid Rain!"

Hissing and steaming, the corrosive droplets burned holes in the tar-like cloud, creating erratic patches where it was safe to stand. The spray also burned holes in the winged man's clothes and dissolved feathers and clumps of hair. Based on his previous stupidity regarding breathing, speaking, and dodging, Johnny was honestly surprised that their opponent thought to close his eyes in time to protect them.

The steam and smoke from the assault left the area filled with a strong chemical smell. It burned Johnny's nose and made visibility… not the greatest. The blue hunter pulled his shirt up over the bottom half of his face to block out the worst of it; nearby, Yosaku did as well. Their opponent didn't have the same presence of mind. Gasping and sputtering, the winged man actually paused to _vomit_ as he rubbed at his nose, which had quickly grown red and dripping.

"YOU LITTLE-!"

Eyes glowing red, the winged man lunged to grab the nearest of the hunters- which happened to be Johnny. Unable to get away fast enough, the blue hunter found himself pinned to a tree, feet dangling a good half meter from the ground. Johnny tried to pry the fingers away from his throat, but it was like trying to make Big Bro Zoro let go of a sword. Impossible.

Trapped this close, Johnny could actually see a name tag on the stranger's purple suit. _Gedatsu_. Well, this idiot probably _would_ forget his own name if it wasn't on him somewhere. And that information didn't really help anything. Whether he thought of the man strangling him as "the winged man" or "Gedatsu," Johnny was still slowly losing both his vision and the feeling in his limbs as he struggled to breathe.

"Jet Punch!"

A fist slammed into Johnny's stomach at incredible speeds, forcing him to give up what little air he'd managed to inhale. Had he been on the ground, he would've doubled over in pain; as it was, he curled up into a ball insofar as he could. In doing so, Johnny realized that his opponent was close enough to be kicked… Although he wasn't sure what good that would do, especially since he was no martial artist. Still, it was worth a shot.

"Haeh!"

"PUT HIM DOWN!"

Johnny's clumsy, two-footed kick struck Gedatsu in the chest at the same moment Yosaku _rammed_ into the winged man's back. The resulting force flipped him over Yosaku's head, forcing Gedatsu to release and drop Johnny as he was thrown backwards. Bruised, bloody, and breathless, the winged man crashed to the ground on his back.

This apparently wasn't quite enough for Yosaku, though, as the green hunter went to town in a rather vicious show of rage. Kicking the winged man repeatedly, Yosaku eventually swung his sword around through a tree, felling it on top of Gedatsu. Ashen faced, the winged man didn't try to get up.

"I… _really_ hate it when people hurt you," Yosaku panted. There were tears welling up at the corner of his eyes. "I can't be alone, Johnny, I just can't. Please…"

"Not planning on leaving you," Johnny assured his partner. The blue hunter rubbed his aching throat. "But… Next time, it's your turn to play damsel in distress, alright? I've done it two for two, and it's getting old."

"Trust me, Bro, I don't like it any more than you do." Yosaku wiped his eyes. "I promise, next time we fight someone we really shouldn't, I'll let them catch me so you can have a turn at being the hero."

"Rather nobody got caught at all," Johnny grumbled. Rolling to his feet, the blue hunter groaned. Great, just great. Being crushed into a tree like that had damaged his sprayer and tank. That would take _days_ to fix.

"You okay, Bro?" Yosaku approached, worried. Johnny waved him off.

"I'm alright, long as we don't get into another fight. Nothing a drink and a little walk won't fix."

Of course, getting back to looking for Big Sis Jones and Big Bro Usopp was hardly a _little_ walk. Johnny groaned as he looked at the jungle all around them. So many trees… So many vines and weeds… And what if there were more braindead morons waiting out there to try and kill them? They should try to meet up with one of the other groups- safety in numbers and all that.

Just as he thought that, Johnny saw smoke rising over some trees. Ah. There. That must be someone from their crew. As he set out to investigate, thought, Yosaku grabbed his hand.

"Hold it, Bro. Aren't we supposed to collect any of those weird shells we find?"

"Yeah… Why?"

Yosaku pointed at the unconscious form of Gedatsu. "He was using a bunch of them to make those sticky things and speed up his punches. We should collect them."

"Good plan." That way, if someone else attacked them, they'd have some sort of weapon besides just their swords. Not that either of the hunters knew how to _use_ Dials, but Johnny was sure they could figure it out. The blue hunter crouched to loot their fallen opponent, his protective partner standing guard over him to make sure they weren't surprised.

 **-V-**

"HAAAHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Yama the destroyer of relics charged at them with a wild yell. Years of experience had Robin analyzing him as he approached. A large, powerful man; he would try to win by strength. He was rather fast for his size, so she couldn't rely on speed alone to beat him, but she'd seen faster. And there was a coarseness to his movements that made Robin think she could exploit his lack of training. She folded her arms in front of her chest.

"Would you like me to-?"

Robin _glared_ at Sanji as the cook stepped nervously forward. The blond jumped back as if she'd burned him with her gaze. "I just wanted to help."

"I'm _fine_ on my own, Gospodin Cook."

"Stomach Mountain!"

That brief moment of distraction as she turned to look at Sanji left Robin open as Yama slammed into her from the front. His great strength sent her tumbling head over heels; Robin closed her eyes as she spun through the air in order to avoid vomiting. She tucked her head in just before her back came down on the golden stairs, knocking the wind out of her. Robin could feel the bruises blooming on her spine as she took a second to catch her breath.

Above her, Yama turned to Sanji, a smug smirk on his face. "Now that _that_ tramp is out of the way, let's see how long _you_ last, little man."

Robin's brain lit up with red heat. Just because she preferred more revealing clothing did _not_ make her a _tramp_. She rolled to her feet, crossing her arms as she stood, her eyes glowing red as she glared at Yama. Her movements apparently startled Sanji so much that the cook couldn't even jump to her defense in his slightly creepy way.

"Once Fleur: Slam!" Eleven hands rose up from the stairs and knocked Yama backwards. The towering man tried to find his balance; Robin didn't let him.

"Cuatro Manos: Shock!" A flurry of petals showered around Yama's head as Robin slammed four fists down with all her might. The blow sent the towering man crashing to the ground.

"You little-!" Yama surged back to his feet, lunging at Robin with a flying tackle. "Axe Mountain!"

"Tres Fleur!" Robin sprouted three more hands for another blow even as the Axe Dials strapped to Yama's chest exploded with slashing force. Cuts split open across her chest and shoulders as she slammed into a wall; her shirt tore in several places. Robin coughed, her throat burning as much as her brain.

"Mouton-!"

"No!" Robin glowered at Sanji, fiercely enough that both he and Yama froze. "Back down, Gospodin Cook! I can do this myself!"

If they hadn't spoken earlier, Sanji probably would have argued. As it was, the cook froze mid-kick, brow furrowed with confusion. If this went on too long, he probably wouldn't be able to help but get involved.

"Nueve Fleur: Twist!" Robin sprouted arms around Yama, immobilizing him. His great size prevented her from twisting hard enough to damage his spine and made containing him difficult when he started struggling.

"Punch- ergh- Punch Mountain!" Yama writhed and flailed. Robin held him tight, but couldn't keep him from getting one arm partially free. The edge of his hand clipped her cheek as Yama lurched past her.

"Just… Get… Down!" Sweat beading on her brow, Robin twisted harder, some of her arms snaking down to wrench one of Yama's legs around and to the side. There was a loud popping sound as his knee dislocated.

"Arrgh!"

Yama dropped like a rock, unable to balance on one foot in that position. His head cracked loudly against the golden stairs. Then there was silence. A thin trickle of blood emerged from under Yama's hair.

Pulling a handkerchief from her pocket, Robin began dabbing blood her own cuts. Luckily none of them seemed to be bleeding much. Her shirt was a bit of a more pressing matter- not that it had been expensive or a favourite, but climbing around the jungle with rags hanging off of her would be inconvenient. Quickly sprouting a series of fingers, Robin tied the frayed edges back together as best as she could. Hopefully it would hold until they got back to the ship.

When she looked up, Sanji was staring at her- and unusually for the cook, he looked disturbed rather than like he was trying to ogle her bosom through the tears in her clothes. An improvement. "Can I help you, Gospodin Cook?"

"I… I didn't think a Devil Fruit called the Flower-Flower Fruit could be that powerful… Or disturbing." Sanji shuddered. "That finger thing…"

His voice trailed off. Robin smiled. "I can be much more disturbing than that, if you like."

"I believe you!" Sanji's voice squeaked as he took a step back. Odd; Robin had been sure the cook was old enough that he was no longer going through puberty. The archaeologist sweetened her smile as she crouched to deal with the fragments of the broken burial vase.

"Is something wrong, Gospodin Cook?"

"No!"

Ash and shattered crockery… Nothing she hadn't seen before. But mere moments ago, this one had been whole, practically untouched for hundreds of years. Robin was disgusted. Centuries of history lost, and all because some Neanderthal wanted to pick a fight. But perhaps there was still something to be learned from it. Pulling a small bag from her pocket, Robin swept up the ashes and potshards with meticulous care. Perhaps she could recreate it well enough to record the patterns and read any text that had been painted or engraved on the surface.

Sanji approached nervously and crouched to help her pick up the potshards. "Robin De- Robin… Why didn't you want me to help you? There's no harm in crewmates having each other's backs…"

"Two reasons." Robin glanced at the cook through her bangs. "First of all, as you can clearly see, I did not _need_ your help, Gospodin Cook. And second, unless you would have offered the same assistance to, for example, Gospodin Swordsman, this falls under the same subject we had words about earlier."

"Oh…" Sanji visibly deflated. Scooping the last bits of ash and pottery into her bag, Robin let a small, genuine smile slip through the ones she wore as a mask. He was learning.

 **-V-**

Whenever Chopper had read about fencing and sword duels, it had always started with the combatants circling slowly, taking each other's measure. This was nothing like that. Zoro rushed in without hesitation, barely giving the reindeer time to scramble away and immediately proving Chopper's earlier hypothesis that the swordsman loved battle. Why else would he be so eager to go blade-to-blade with a man who had sounded so pleased at the idea of killing them?

Zoro led with an X-shaped strike from two swords, although it was intercepted by a mighty downswing of Ohm's cloudy blade. Neither strike hit home- at first. But an instant after cloud clashed against steel, Ohm's sword _stretched_ and _twisted_ and suddenly the tip was jabbing into the back of Zoro's shoulder. It was a shallow wound, not dangerous in and of itself. Zoro shook off the pain with a growl, stepping to the side and using his swords to knock his opponent's blade away as the Straw Hat swordsman made a series of rapid, testing jabs.

What that shallow strike _meant_ was disturbing, though. Chopper had never heard of a sword that could literally bend to its wielder's will.

Chopper edged to the side, trying to move around the battle and see if there was any way he could help. Steel and cloud clashed rapidly, a ringing song. But in between the rings, Chopper could hear and see and smell the blood where Ohm's cloudy blade twisted around Zoro's guard to kiss the swordsman's skin.

Less than halfway through his circuit of the battlefield, Chopper's nose was assaulted by _predator fear_. He leapt backwards, having nearly walked into Holy without realizing it due to his focus on Zoro's battle. The little reindeer popped into Heavy Point and assumed a fighting stance, whimpering. But Holy didn't seem to be paying him any attention.

{{Go Ohm! Kick his ass!}} The giant dog's wagging tail thumped against the ground.

The hair stood up all over Chopper's body. Every instinct screamed _wolf-smell-run-fast-now_. But... He was a Straw Hat. He must not run. Even so, he was very, _very_ confused.

"Aren't... Aren't you going to fight me?"

Holy's tongue lolled out of his mouth to one side. He turned towards Chopper only partially, keeping one eye on his human's duel. {{No. Why?}}

"We're... We're enemies..." Chopper shuddered, covering his nose with one hand in a futile attempt to block out the wolf smell. Holy blinked at him slowly.

{{No we're not. Ohm hasn't told me to kill you, so you can't be my enemy.}}

That... What? Chopper's brain froze for a moment, unable to compute. That... Holy was either the best-trained or the _dumbest_ dog the reindeer had ever heard of. Possibly both. But hey, it worked in his favour...

Chopper sat down beside his apparently not-enemy, fighting hard to ignore his screaming instincts. "So... How long have you been with Ohm?"

{{Since I was a puppy!}} Holy announced proudly. {{My whole family lives with him! But I'm the biggest and the strongest, so I'm the only one who gets to come hunting.}}

Well, that was something to be grateful for, at least. There would be no pack of giant dogs leaping out of the bushes to interfere with the fight. Chopper wrinkled his nose. "Do you like hunting?"

{{Yep! But sometimes it can get boring when Ohm goes all swordy.}} Holy's wagging tail momentarily drooped before resuming at full power. {{But that's okay! I have sticks! Lots and lots of sticks!}}

So saying, the enormous dog uprooted a small tree and started chewing on it. Chopper sweatdropped and considered edging away. But that would be rude...

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Zoro's strikes were coming in like rain, pushing Ohm back. The green-haired swordsman had apparently given up trying to defend against the snaking blade of cloud and was fully on the offensive. Ohm was doing an incredible job of blocking and parrying, for the most part, his gaze turned inwards with intense concentration. But as Zoro's attacks came faster and faster, more and more of them were slipping past the priest's guard. Until...

"Eisen Back!"

Ohm's sword retracted and broadened, surrounding him in a spherical shield of cloud. The priest didn't laugh, but gloating amusement was clear in his voice.

"Give up, Blue Sea dweller. Iron cloud is as hard as steel and responds to my every whim."

 _CLANG! CLANG! CLA-CLANG!_

Zoro's swords bounced off Ohm's defenses in quick succession. The swordsman scowled, muscles tensing.

"Hard as steel means nothing. I can still _cut_ it. Oni Giri!"

 _FA-SCHWING! SHING!_

Three blades sliced in a familiar motion, rending through the iron cloud shell with a deafening noise. The shield disintegrated when it was breached. Growling in annoyance, Ohm reformed his sword and stepped in to cut a massive slice across Zoro's legs as the Straw Hat swordsman stepped in with a sharp thrust. Only a quick leap backwards saved the limbs from needing to be sewn back on.

"You'll have to do better than that if you want to kill me." Zoro's stance changed; for a moment, Chopper imagined a crab standing behind the swordsman as he turned his blades. Then he struck with a blinding flash, swords coming together like a guillotine on Ohm's arm. "Gazami Dori!"

The sky priest tried to pull back, but he wasn't quite fast enough. Zoro's strike tore great gashes in Ohm's arm, removing chunks of skin; Chopper was pretty sure from the looks of it that that hand was broken.

It must've hurt something awful, but Ohm made no more sound than a faint hiss as he pulled back to regroup, kicking up some dirt to force Zoro back for a second, the green-haired swordsman covering his eyes. "Holy! Quit goofing off! We need to finish this guy quick if we want a chance at the others!"

{{Mmmmm... Sorry.}} Holy got to his feet. {{That's my cue. It was nice to meet you, little fuzzy man.}}

Chopper stood there, blinking, as Holly lunged forwards and bowled Zoro over, pinning the swordsman to the ground. What...? _Dog-wolf-predator-fear-stink-fangs..._ He didn't know what to do. The little reindeer started shaking. He should help Zoro... But Holy wasn't a bad guy, for a predator- a bit dense, but well-trained and a decent fellow- and his instincts screamed to run...

"Gah!" Pinned under Holy's paws, Zoro was unable to fight back as the dog began... Licking him? Thick drips of saliva made the swordsman's hair stick up and his shirt cling to his body as he squirmed to get up. Ohm snarled in exasperation.

"Kill him, I meant! Not play with him!"

{{Yes Ohm!}} Holy barked an affirmative, his huge, sharp teeth suddenly in full view and aimed for Zoro's head.

Chopper panicked. Before he knew what he was doing, the little reindeer had popped into Heavy Point and extended his hockey stick. He couldn't run over to Zoro fast enough, but he could... "GET OFF OF HIM!"

The puck fired by Chopper's stick flew harmlessly over Holy's head- the doctor's hands were shaking too much to achieve any kind of accuracy. Despite this, though, the dog froze mid-bite and took a step back, releasing Zoro with a quiet snort.

Wasting no time, the Straw Hat swordsman leapt to his feet... only to immediately slip in a puddle of giant dog slobber and stumble sideways into a tree. This gave Ohm an opening...

"Eisen Whip!"

Clouds as hard as steel whipped around Zoro to leave a great gash on his back, oozing blood. The green-haired swordsman rolled forwards as the blow struck, saving himself from major damage, but that wound still needed to be patched before he lost too much blood...

"Holy, finish this little bastard off already!"

Teeth bared, Holy lunged in again. Still halfway panicked, Chopper yelled the first thing that popped into his head.

"SIT!"

Holy sat. He... The dog was so well-trained that he'd listen to _anybody_? Before Ohm could say anything, Chopper shouted more orders. "Close your eyes! Cover your ears! Don't listen to a word anyone says until I boop your nose!"

The enormous dog did as he was told. Ohm looked _livid_. Eyes flashing red, the sky priest turned his blade towards Chopper.

"You little-! Eisen Whip!"

"Body Check!" Chopper rushed Ohm, stick held across his chest, ears shaking with nerves. The sky priest dodged the attack easily; Chopper in turn shrank down into Brain Point so that the iron cloud blade glanced off his antler, soaring over his head.

Of course, just as it had with Zoro, the iron cloud twisted in the air, the point coming back towards its intended victim. Chopper raised his hockey stick, not sure if he could get out of the way in time... Not sure if he could even block in time as the blade raced towards his head.

"Gyuki: Yuzume!"

Zoro lunged forwards, two swords stabbing together like the horns of a bull. _Sandai Kitetsu_ and _Yubashiri_ struck the blade of the _Eisen Whip_ from the side, piercing the iron cloud clean through. The strange sword's movement stopped; the blade shattered.

Ohm froze for a moment, stunned. The sky priest's mouth fell open.

"Surrender," Zoro said simply, turning side-on to the priest. _Sandai Kitetsu_ pointed at Ohm's head.

"Not on your- ack!"

THUNK.

Chopper gave Ohm a good crack on the back of the head with his hockey stick before the sky priest could refuse. They needed to find Jones and Usopp; there wasn't time to be drawing this fight out any more.

The reindeer turned to Zoro apologetically, suddenly wondering if the swordsman would be upset with his interference. "Sorry... I just thought..."

Frowning, Zoro looked away, almost as if he was pouting. Chopper's ears drooped. "I shouldn't have interrupted your duel..."

"It's alright," Zoro said at last. "He broke the code of the duel first when he called his dog in."

Dog... Holy... Jumping, Chopper scrambled over to the giant dog and booped his nose. Holy opened his eyes and uncovered his ears, tongue lolling out as he rose. {{What're we doing next?}}

He didn't ask after Ohm, or after the result of the fight- he just wanted instructions. Chopper's heart sank. The little reindeer reached out and patted Holy's paw, ignoring the instinct that cried for him to _run-hide-leap_.

"Are you okay, Holy? Did Ohm hurt you?"

{{What?}} Holy tilted his head to the side, uncomprehending. Chopper clarified.

"To teach you to obey. Did Ohm ever hurt you, or scare you, or deprive you of food when he was training you?"

{{Eh? No! Why would he do something like that?}} Holy's tail thumped emphatically against the ground. {{Ohm is a good master. He brushes me every morning and feeds me lots of yummy treats and he built a _huuuuuuge_ doghouse for me by his normal kennels so I can sleep near my family.}}

The great hound's head drooped, though his tail continued to wag. {{I like being near my family. And Ohm... I get scared when I'm alone. What if no one wants me? I know I'm freakishly huge... So since I'm ten times the size of all the other dogs, I have to be ten times as good a boy so Ohm will keep me.}}

Chopper's eyes went wide, his heart aching. Poor puppy... He knew exactly what it was like to fear whether people would want you because you were different. Fearful instincts forgotten, the little reindeer shifted into Heavy Point and wrapped his arms around one of Holy's legs.

"I'm so sorry you had to deal with that..."

Holy bent down and licked Chopper's forehead. {{It's alright. I'm a very good boy, so Ohm is good to me.}} The giant dog glanced at his unconscious master. {{He's gonna be okay, right?}}

"Yeah." Chopper was 99% sure that the sky priest would make a full recovery, although he might have a pretty bad concussion. "He might be mad at you, though. I don't think you listening to _me_ counts as a good boy to him."

It broke Chopper's heart to have to remind Holy of that, but... It was true. And whether the dog said he was a good person or not, Chopper had no way of knowing how Ohm would react to their fight, whether he would punish the hound. He didn't know what kind of understanding the two of them had or what the sky priest's temper was like.

{{Oh...}} Holy's tail stopped wagging, suddenly drooping to hang between his legs. {{I hadn't thought of that. I just... wanted people to like me...}}

Tears welled up at the corners of Chopper's eyes. "I'm so, so sorry..."

"Hey..." Zoro cleared his throat as he removed the Eisen Dial from Ohm's sword, reminding Chopper of his presence. "Not everyone here speaks animal, you know. What's going on?"

"Ohm will be mad at Holy for listening to me." Chopper looked up at the swordsman with watery eyes. Zoro sighed.

"We don't have room on the ship for a dog that big."

"I know..." Chopper's ears drooped. "But... Can't we at least find him somewhere else to stay in case Ohm is angry? Someone else who'll feed him and brush him and tell him he's a good boy?"

Zoro looked from Chopper to Holy, then nodded. "Alright. I bet that angel girl we met- Conis- she'll probably know of someone looking for a dog."

"Yay!" Chopper danced a little jig. "Now we just need to go get Holy's family!"

That gave Zoro pause. "Family? How many dogs are we finding homes for?"

Good question... "Holy, how big's your family?"

{{I have fourteen sisters and seven brothers,}} the great hound announced proudly, {{And mom and dad and four uncles and five aunts and fifty-six cousins.}}

"Eighty-eight more," Chopper informed Zoro. The swordsman sweatdropped.

"That's a lot of dogs..."

 **-V-**

"Chrrrrrrrr-up..."

Gan Fall patted Pierre's neck as they approached the Shandoran village. "I know, old friend. Trust me, if need were not so dire, this would not be my choice of place for a meeting either. But I must warn them; should those young pirates fail, they will be in as much danger as our own people."

"Hrrrrrrrrrrrr..." Pierre's wingbeats faltered; the horse-bird glanced fearfully at the flashing lights coming from Upper Yard.

"Don't worry; I don't expect you to stay with me and put yourself at risk." Gan Fall would never have asked that of his oldest friend. He ran his armoured fingers through soft, pink feathers. "I want you to leave, do you understand? When I go to talk with the Shandian chief, I want you to go back to Angel Beach and go out to sea with the rest of our people."

"YARK!?"

Pierre nearly stalled mid-wingbeat. His feathers fluffed up; he shook his head and whistled a negative. He didn't want to... But that wouldn't do at all. He had to be safe. Gan Fall tugged lightly on the horse-bird's mane.

"You listen to me, Pierre." The old knight felt tears welling up at the corners of his eyes. "You have to live, do you understand? Dropping in here could very well mean my death. I can't see any of my friends die. I am old, and much of the blame for this debacle with Enel rests on me, so to try and set it to rights is my duty, but you must not share my fate. Go back to our people; find a new rider and teach them to guide and protect Skypiea, whatever is left of it."

"Trrrrrrr-!" Pierre scowled, inasmuch as was possible for a creature with no eyebrows. Gan Fall tugged on his mane again.

"Please, old friend. Do it for me, so I'll know our people have someone looking out for them."

"...Grrbrrgrr..." The horse-bird nodded reluctantly, tail drooping. Gan Fall hugged him around the neck.

"Thank you, Pierre." The old knight held tight to his lance and slid sideways from his saddle. "You take care of yourself, now, and choose a rider who will do the same."

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" Pierre circled above the village for a moment as Gan Fall started to plummet. For a moment, the knight thought his friend would attempt to rescue him; then, suddenly, Pierre wheeled around and made his way back towards Angel Beach as fast as his wings could carry him.

His heavy armour meant Gan Fall fell quickly, his cape flapping about him as if it intended to slow his descent. Though he'd had Pierre approach fairly high, it took a very short time- mere seconds- before the knight of the sky crashed into the cloudy ground of the Shandian village. The Impact Dials in the heels of his boots absorbed most of the shock, allowing him to land on his feet without destroying his aging legs. Gan Fall was quite pleased he'd thought to make such additions once he'd passed his 50th birthday- they were the reason he could continue fighting without ending up in the hospital every other day.

Clouds flew up around Gan Fall as he landed, momentarily obscuring his vision. He could still hear, though- the gasps and angry yells of the Shandians, the click and swish of weapons being drawn and readied. Just from the sound he could tell how many people surrounded him, roughly where they were...

Too many for an old man to fight, however good his armour. But that was fine; he hadn't come to do battle.

Gan Fall plunged his lance into the ground as the clouds cleared, bending to one knee and removing his helmet. He bowed to the chief, standing behind two young warriors armed with blades made from the fangs of a giant serpent.

"I know you have plenty of cause to hate me, but please- I come in peace. I come to warn you."

"Warn us of what?" The chief's voice crackled with distaste. "Why should we care about any news you bring?"

"Because Enel's anger has been roused like never before, and all that stands between our combined lands and utter destruction is a group of teenage rogues from the Blue Sea."

The Shandian chief scowled. "Wyper... What did you do?"

"I don't think it was him." Although to be fair, it could have been; Gan Fall didn't see the berserker among those who surrounded him, which meant Wyper was probably causing trouble for someone somewhere. "It appears that Enel is enraged by the presence of these Blue Sea dwellers, some of whom have powers as strange and formidable as his own. There's no telling what he may do if he overcomes them on the field..."

Gan Fall took a deep breath. "Especially since one of my own helped them infiltrate the depths of Upper Yard."

The chief's scowl deepened. "That warrior should be commended. But what good is your warning to my people? We've tried before, and we cannot fight Enel, nor will we allow you to use us as shields as your pale beach-dwellers flee."

"That's not what I want at all." Gan Fall looked up staring the chief in the eye. "I'm offering you a place on our ships. Come with us, and should these lands fall, we will find new ones together."

"As what? Your servants?" The chief shook his head. "Your people cannot be trusted to treat with us as equals. They wish only war with us."

"That's not true." Gan Fall slumped. "My people war with yours only because it is all they have ever known. Those living now, even myself, grew up with the threat of Shandian raids even as your children have grown up knowing only fear of Enel."

"Because of what your ancestors did!" The chief was furious now, his eyes glowing red. "It was _your_ people that drove us from our ancestral lands and forced us to resort to raiding and hiding!"

"I know..." Gan Fall closed his eyes. What could he possibly say to make this right? They weren't his people, but at the same time, they still were. They shared an island and at least a partial history. Neither side would ever be able to go back to the way they lived before; they had to find a way to live together and move on. "But this generation is blameless for that crime. It happened long before any of us were born."

Dropping his helmet, Gan Fall knelt fully and bowed as low as he could, his head and hands touching the ground. "Please... If you must exact some penance, let it be I who has to pay- I who once called myself God over our two peoples. I'll gladly bear the burden of my ancestor's crime. Just, please... Let me make this right. Let me find a way that our peoples can live in peace."

That made the chief pause. "You would take all their crimes upon yourself?"

"Yes."

"Face any punishment my people saw fit to give you?"

"Yes."

The chief tapped his staff on the ground thoughtfully, stroking the tassels that hung down from his wolf's head helmet. "And you will see to it that your people respect the terms we intend to offer regarding living together in peace."

"As much as I am able." Gan Fall knew saying that was a gamble, but he had to be honest. As much as he wanted to guarantee everything, he was just one man. He could no more control the actions of every individual Skypiean than he could hold the wind in his hands.

"Good." The chief nodded and motioned with his staff, indicating Gan Fall should rise. He did so, his knees creaking. There was no alteration he could make to his armour that made kneeling and crawling any easier on his old bones.

Placing a hand on Gan Fall's shoulder, the chief looked him in the eyes. "We can speak more of terms later, with the gods to witness our pact. For now, let it suffice to say that our peoples must be equals and the ways of old Shandora must be respected- and that the borders of whatever nation we found together must remain _open_."

Gan Fall's mouth fell open. Wasn't there a danger in letting just anyone into their country? Before he could say anything, though, the chief was speaking, having apparently predicted his protest.

"There will always be a risk, but there is a greater risk in isolating ourselves. Enel subjugated and may yet destroy both our peoples because we knew nothing of his power over lightning, where it came from, or how to combat it. Something like this must never happen again."

Yes... That was very true. Gan Fall nodded his agreement. "I hadn't thought of that."

"I could tell." The chief's serious visage broke into a sardonic smirk. "I think that perhaps our peoples will be better off together, each able to think of things the other has not. Once we finalize terms, that is. Until then..."

The chief's voice rose, although there was little enough noise for him to need to shout over. None of the Shandians had been speaking, too focused on what Gan Fall and their leader were saying.

"Everyone, we must move! There is a risk that Enel in his madness will strike our village from the sky. Until we know if it is safe to return, we must take to the sea. Grab only what you absolutely need, then head for the canoes. We will meet with the Skypieans on the white-white waves and await news of the fate of our home."

"What of Wyper and the others who went to Upper Yard for the Trial of the Gods?" someone asked. "What of Aisa? She's gone missing."

The chief froze for a second, his face going dark. Then he bowed his head. "We cannot send anyone after them- there may not be time. We must pray that the gods will protect them, and that Aisa will sense our activities with her Mantra and know to follow."

"I'm so sorry..." Gan Fall offered. Perhaps he should have let Pierre stay after all; with the horse-bird's aid, he could have flown search and rescue easily. "I can search for them if you like."

"No." The chief's voice was steady, but his eyes were hiding tears. "Without you, there can be no negotiations with your people. You will remain with me."

"Very well." Picking up his helmet, Gan Fall bowed his head. "What would you have me do, then?"

"Pray with me. I will teach you of our gods, and you will help me pray for the safe return of my granddaughter."

 **-V-**

 _Clang! Crunch!_

The golden ship lurched into a cave wall as Nami fought to steer it down the tunnel. This caused a piece of railing to break off on the side opposite to Lisa. The little girl screamed.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Sorry!" A chill ran down Nami's arms as she fought to correct their course, twisting her broken Clima-Tact between the golden spheres. That was way too close. The ship straightened out, although her new position wasn't quite right either- it caused the golden vessel to sink rapidly, scraping along the floor of the tunnel.

Luckily gold didn't bounce.

Sparks crackled from the places where Enel had melted Nami's weapon. She hoped Usopp could fix it. Taking care to keep her hands on the rubber grips, the sailing master shifted her weapon again, trying to guide the gilded ship around a kink in the tunnel. She was mostly successful, aside from knocking a small antenna against the stone hard enough to bend it.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Lisa groaned as their ride lurched through the air, sometimes scant millimeters from the ground.

All too soon, the door was in front of them- and approaching quickly. The golden ship must've been flying faster than Nami had thought. She shifted the remains of her Clima-Tact once more, trying to repeat what she'd done earlier. There were a few fizzles and sparks, but no bolt. And the door was getting closer and closer...

 _BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!_

Finally, when they were less than a dozen meters from the great stone door, a burst of lightning exploded from the bow of the ship. Nami's stomach jumped briefly into her mouth as the loss of power made the ship drop again. A great cloud of dust blew back over them, accompanied by small shards of blazing hot stone. The sailing master closed her eyes tight. Some of the stone shards struck her in the face and on the shoulders, adding tiny scars amidst her freckles.

 _SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

The sides of the ship scraped along stone, digging gouges in the soft gold. Nami's bolt of lightning had split the ancient door in two, but the opening wasn't quite large enough. The golden ship lost speed quickly. They were going to get stuck...

Not if Nami could help it.

"Thunder Tempo!"

Even though it was broken, twisting her Clima-Tact just right still yielded an extra burst of electricity- Nami just had to be careful not to let any stray sparks strike her hands. Throughout the golden ship, propellers and engines suddenly whirred like Zoro priming up a Tatsumaki. The lumbering vehicle shot forwards and upwards, the tight stone ripping deep gouges in the sides and tearing off some of the hatches.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Lisa clung more tightly to the railing, her eyes shut tight. Nami could see tears on the little girl's cheeks. The sailing master wished she could comfort her crewmate, but if she tried to leave this bizarre helm, they would likely plummet to their deaths. The best she could do was shout reassurance as the golden ship lurched and twisted off course due to the force from the rocks.

"Don't worry Lisa! We're gonna be okay!"

"I'll believe it when I have two feet on the ground!"

That was... understandable. Nami wasn't sure she believed her own words herself. The golden ship was _disgustingly_ unstable, and air didn't offer the same control as water. The thing should've had _wings_. But it didn't.

"Come on," Nami muttered, twisting her Clima-Tact once again, "Fly straight..."

The golden ship was reluctant to oblige. Her attempts at stabilizing it only caused it to roll to the other side, propellers humming loudly. And then there were the thermals rising up from the forest, erratic bursts of hot air that followed the flashes of light and fire below. Some of those were probably from their crewmates fighting the sky priests.

. . .

Hopefully Jones didn't get herself killed going after that lightning man. They should probably work on that blind rage of hers.

Feet slipping as the golden ship went over nearly on its side, Nami shook her head. There was no time to worry about that now. She had to find a way to land before she could think about what any of their friends were doing.

"Beanstalk!" Lisa screeched suddenly, her eyes still scrunched tight. Nami had to do a double take. Sure enough, there was an immense beanstalk rising out of the jungle, climbing around itself to pierce the clouds above. How had the little girl seen that with her eyes closed?

A sharp twist levelled them out- for a short while, at least- and sent the ship careening to the left of the beanstalk. They lost altitude from that, the hull of the ship skimming along the forest canopy. But even if Nami had been able to properly control it, she couldn't see anywhere open enough to land.

Then there was a tremendous flash of light from practically right underneath the bow. Nami found herself temporarily blinded, her vision covered with blotchy white and blue and green. She stumbled backwards, almost falling from her place between the great golden orbs that somehow steered the flying behemoth.

Somewhere in front of her- and above her, as the ship's bow was forced into the air- Lisa sobbed. Nami spread her feet wide, trying to keep her balance, and wedged her Clima-Tact in between the orbs as firmly as she could.

The ship _spun_ into the sky, a child's top in reverse. Nami held on for dear life, twisting her weapon in an attempt to slow the spinning. It took longer than she would have wished, and the loss of speed was accompanied by another sudden loss of altitude. Sparks danced on the broken staff.

For a second or two, they were in free fall. Nami scowled. This was _not_ how this was supposed to go. She'd been able to swim almost as well as a fishman since she was six; by the age of ten, she could sail vessels that usually required upwards of a dozen crew. She could master any vessel. She _would_ master any vessel, and that included this lumbering sky hulk.

There had to be a way... Wait. What if she used her Clima-Tact as the horizon line? Raising one side and lowering the other should cause it to bank, just like a seabird. And if that worked, rolling her weapon forwards and back should raise and lower the bow... It was worth a shot. Letting her Clima-Tact rest lightly in her hands, the Straw Hat sailing master shifted one side up and one side down in a smooth, steady motion.

The ship turned.

Levelling out straight, Nami grinned. "That's more like it! Alright, Lisa, I think I've figured this thing out. I'm gonna try and find a place to set this thing down."

"The sooner, the better." Still clinging tightly to the railing, the little girl looked as green as her calming paints.

Nami brought the ship around in a wide arc, searching for an opening in the trees. It was hard. The jungle was dense, and what few gaps there were in the vegetation were filled with other obstacles. One was thick with smoke, the ground impossible to see; the next revealed towering pyramids and statuary built entirely of precious metals and stones. A third gap proved too small to land the ship through, although it did give Nami a glimpse of some of her crewmates. Zoro and Chopper were walking through the jungle...

Guided by a giant dog? She'd have to ask about that later.

The fourth time was the charm. Nami started their descent towards an open area that appeared to have been blasted with some tremendous force, the trees levelled flat and charred to a crisp. Red and gold atop a turquoise serpent the size of a building alerted her to Luffy's presence, which made the place all the better, and she saw something that might have been Jones and the lightning man facing each other across the charred field. And then came the shout.

"KITEN!"

"Kitten?"

There was a second massive burst of heat and light. This time Nami _did_ fall backwards out of position as the ship was thrown up on its stern. The force of the lightning-fuelled explosion launched the vehicle backwards through the air. Breath-stealing wind pinned Nami to the deck, the only reason she didn't plummet to the jungle below.

 _CRANG! CLANG!_

They hit something, stopping their flight dead. As the golden ship began to fall, Nami was able to rise to her feet and force her Clima-Tact back in between the steering orbs to regain control. Although navigating and steering were quite difficult with all the _noise_ overhead making her want to cover her ears.

 _BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!_

A bell. The stern of the ship had crashed into a giant, golden bell. The bell continued to ring, loud enough to wake the dead. No, louder- loud enough to wake those who had been dead for a thousand years or more. It was eerie... Nami had never heard a bell that sounded quite like that before. She could almost see the ghosts of the past rising up out of the jungle.

Or maybe that was just the smoke and cloud.

Descending away from the bell as fast as she dared, Nami found her ears still numb. But her _eyes_ were working fine, and they could see something huge and golden crashing through the trees below them, so she turned the ship in the opposite direction. Lower and lower and lower still she flew, trying to find a place to land. Her Clima-Tact was growing hotter in her hands; she could feel it even through the thick rubber grips.

Her trajectory brought her back to the edge of the golden ruins. Lower and slower than before, Nami was able to spot a place where there might be room to place the ship. Slower, slower... And tilt the bow up, like Jones had done when flying the _Merry_. The ship stalled a few meters off the ground, setting down with a jarring _thud_.

"Is it over?" Lisa groaned, slowly opening her eyes. Nami nodded, collapsing to the deck as her legs gave out. Now that they were safe, her adrenaline was draining away like bathwater.

"It's over..."

Lisa slowly unwound herself from the railing, making a quiet retching noise. As soon as she regained her feet, the little girl looked over the side of the ship, searching for a way down. It was as if she didn't trust the golden vessel to stay on the ground, even though Nami had removed its uncertain power source when she collapsed.

"How do we get dow-? Hey! Wasn't there a gold jaguar here before?"

"Don't be silly..." Nami gasped out, clinging to her Clima-Tact as it slowly cooled between her fingers. "There would've been a big crash when we landed if there was. You're thinking of some other part of the ruins."

"I don't think so..." Lisa pointed at something on the ground, her face going from green to white. Frowning, Nami rose to join her smaller crewmate at the rails.

Pawprints.

Lisa was pointing to a set of pawprints in the cloudy dirt, each almost as deep as the little girl was tall and as wide across as a table. Round, clawed pawprints like those of a giant cat.

The sailing master felt the blood drain from her face. "Well shit..."

 **-V-**

Conis' feet slipped and skidded on the cloudy sand as she and Sandrah ran for the beach. Up ahead she could see several large, partially melted blocks of ice, the White Berets inside struggling as best they could. Some were frozen to the waist; on others, the ice went up to their chests or even necks. Many had at least one arm free, but some did not. The ice was melting, weeping... On any other day, it might've been funny to watch the soldiers struggling in it. Not today, though. Not when the need to flee was so desperate.

"About time someone showed up to get us out..." one of the White Beret's muttered. Conis didn't reply; she just started laying out heat and flame Dials around the frozen soldiers in a hex pattern. Sandrah followed suit. Each Dial was opened fully; the beach soon grew nigh-unbearably hot. Conis felt herself start sweating as the weeping of the ice blocks intensified.

Captain McKinley squinted at Conis as she laid out Dials around him. "It took you an awful long time to show up, despite being the one who called us here in the first place. Almost makes me believe you were planning something with those pirates."

"A lot's happened," Conis said quietly, not meeting the captain's eyes. "The pirates... They went into Upper Yard of their own free will, searching for some friends of theirs. Now they do battle with Enel, and I fear that he may destroy Angel Beach in his rage for our part in their arrival."

"Dammit!" Captain McKinley struggled, but it was useless. He was one of the soldiers still trapped to the neck. "We should've been better prepared- we need to go arrest them before they challenge God so he won't think we've been lax in our duties."

"It's too late for that, hoh hoh hooooo!"

The giggling voice from the treeline made Conis' blood run cold. Or perhaps it was two voices- there was a strange harmonic dissonance to the speech. She slowly turned to look, fingers clenching tight around the Dial she was holding.

Two men were standing at the edge of the beach. They were absolutely identical- overweight and dressed in white jumpsuits, with goat-like faces and yellow sunglasses. Each had a crimson ribbon dangling from his back and a couple of Dials strapped to his hands. Different Dials, Conis noted; despite being identical, each man fought differently.

The sky priests Hotori and Kotori.

"Lord Enel wants everyone dead," one of the newcomers announced- Conis couldn't tell which one was which. "He told us to go kill everyone. Except the one named Luffy; that one is his."

"It's got nothing to do with the invasion," the other priest added. "Lord Enel was always planning to destroy this place. He only wanted it for the resources, to create a ship that would get him and his chosen to Fairy Vearth. You people were only a means to an end."

Everyone had different reactions to that. Captain McKinley went pale; many of the other White Berets shouted curses or spat at the twin priests. Sandrah punched the nearest ice block, shaking the soldier inside. Conis felt herself go cold, her heart dropping into her stomach... But at the same time, she didn't feel any surprise. It was the sort of thing she had always sort of half expected from Enel, though she'd never dared speak or even think it.

Then Hotori and Kotori spoke in unison, clapping their hands together. "And now, you die!"

"Chain Ball!"

"Tone Ball!"

Two balls of milky cloud emerged from the sky priests' Dial gloves. They floated gently in the air, until their makers kicked them towards the angels on the beach, causing the balls to explode as the twin priests rushed forwards.

 _BWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIH!_

A terribly loud whistling, ringing noise pierced the air. Conis dropped the Dial she was holding, clapping both hands over her ears, but it did no good. Her head spun; her ears felt muffled and useless, as if they were covered in pillows. All she could hear was a faint echo of the sound that had rendered her deaf. She saw Sandrah's lips moving, but couldn't hear what her friend was saying.

The chain ball was much less effective than the tone ball. It exploded too close to its users, tying Hotori and Kotori together at the ankles as one of the chains flew back towards them. The twin priests stumbled in their charge, forced to stop and untangle themselves.

One of the chains _did_ fly far enough to be a threat; Conis ducked under its flight, scooping up a small Burn Bazooka that one of the White Berets had dropped when they were frozen. Dropping to one knee, she spun the controls on the side of the bazooka and launched a burst of flame at Hotori and Kotori.

"Light of the Dawn!"

The flames caught on their sashes and ribbons; Hotori and Kotori jumped back, rolling to put out the fire. They spun around each other, giggling- or at least Conis assumed so from her attempt to read their lips- as they got back to their feet, clearly trying to confuse her as to which was which. The joke was on them, though; Conis couldn't tell anyways, but she could identify the Dials strapped to their hands with a quick look. She hadn't grown up around her father's Dial engineering business for nothing.

"Hoh hoh hooooo! Bikkuri Dial Illus-Ow!"

As the brothers were partway through their spin, Su bounded away from Conis' side and raced around them, biting one in the buttocks and ripping a chunk out of the seat of his jumpsuit. The fox then darted between her victim's legs as he tried to grab her, racing back to Conis and triumphantly presenting her prize of white cloth and a scrap of spotted underwear.

As Su was biting the priest in the butt, Sandrah also raced towards them, smashing the brothers in the face with Heat Dials. Conis couldn't hear what her friend shouted as she struck, but she could see the looks of pain on Hotori and Kotori's faces as they stumbled back. Heat Dials may not have burned quite as badly as Flame Dials, but they still stung badly, and Sandrah had struck close to their eyes.

Conis kept her focus on Hotori and Kotori's faces, trying to read their lips to see what the brothers would do next. The custom of shouting out one's techniques was difficult to take advantage of when one couldn't hear, but she did her best.

"Fire Ball!"

"Tone Ball!"

Whether the second tone ball went off when its creator kicked it, Conis couldn't tell. Her ears were still non-functional. She dropped and rolled to the left, doing her best to avoid the fireball that soared towards her. She was a bit slow, though; her antennae were singed, as were the feathers of her right wing, leaving the limb stinging. Sandrah got hit too, due to her close proximity to the blast, but Su was left unharmed as she pressed close to the ground.

Having Sandrah engaged in melee made aiming difficult. Conis turned down the power on her borrowed Burn Bazooka, firing a small, blinding burst into the sky priests' faces. She closed her own eyes to prevent being blinded and losing another sense during battle.

"Sunlight on the Grass!"

While Hotori and Kotori blinked away spots from their eyes, Su rushed in again. The little fox dug her teeth deep into the arm of one of the priests, worrying at his wrists. He let out what looked like a yelp of pain, flailing his arm around until Su lost her grip and flew off, smacking into the base of Captain McKinley's ice block. Su whimpered as she got to her feet, favouring her left forepaw and shaking her head.

While that was going on, Sandrah grabbed the chain that had previously tripped the twin priests up and swung it into the front of their ankles, hard. Hotori and Kotori dropped forwards, landing on their hands and knees. Before they could rise, Conis' best friend wrapped the same chain around both their necks, tugging it relatively tight as she knelt on their backs.

There was a faint clink as she did so- Conis' hearing was coming back. It was still a bit muffled, but at least she could make out most sounds clearly.

"Did you really think we'd just give in and let you kill us?" Sandrah hissed. "Don't you know? Everyone living at Angel Beach has been trained from birth to react to Shandian raiders for generations."

Conis nodded. "We may be terrified of Enel's strange powers, but we know Dial Fighting better than you could imagine. And you're nowhere near as threatening as a Shandian raiding party led by the Berserker."

Not that their presence wasn't still frightening- at least at first, Conis had been sure Enel would strike from the skies against those who dared resist his priests. But the fight had passed and the lightning had grown no closer; it still flashed in the sky over Upper Yard. Enel hadn't heard them, or possibly he was occupied with something more important.

"You'll never get away with this," one of the priests said- Conis still couldn't tell if it was Hotori or Kotori. "Enel will take his vengeance upon you before we depart for Fairy Vearth!"

Sandrah pulled the chain tighter. Cocking her borrowed bazooka, Conis put on a brave face. She wasn't actually sure if what she needed to say next was true, but she had to make the brothers believe it.

"No, he won't. There will be no trip to Fairy Vearth... At least, not for you. Fairy Vearth is a paradise, a place of endless vearth and growing things. Murderers like you don't deserve a place like that." Conis forced a smile and looked at the flashing lights in the sky, praying that she looked hopeful. "Those pirates... I sent them there. I gave them directions so they could find their friends. _They_ are the sort who deserve paradise. Enel will fall before them."

Hotori and Kotori struggled to protest, but the chain Sandrah had wound about their necks made that difficult. The brothers gagged for a minute, glaring at Conis. Eventually, though, the lack of oxygen became too much for them and they passed out, faces thudding into the sand.

Conis turned back to resume thawing the White Berets. Many of the blocks of ice had shrunken visibly; a few soldiers were nearly free. Turning her borrowed bazooka on a low, steady fire setting, Conis began flaming the ice to melt it faster. Sandrah picked up another fallen weapon and followed suit. Captain McKinley shot them an approving look, his arms breaking free of the ice encasing him.

"You are quite capable fighters. I'd never thought young girls would take on a couple of Enel's priests." Then the captain wilted. His face went pale. "I can't believe God would use us in such a way... That he would destroy our island for his own gain... That's not how a ruler should act. We need to evacuate everyone... We need to get everyone out in case those pirate friends of yours fail."

"The evacuation is already underway," Conis informed him. "But more help would always be appreciated, and we certainly couldn't leave you behind."

There was a loud _schloop_ as Captain McKinley wrenched his feet free of weakening ice. The captain nodded his thanks. Signalling to his men, he saluted Conis and Sandrah; his squad formed ranks behind him.

"Thank you, Conis, Sandrah. Now, let us head to the marina; we are at your service for whatever is needed to facilitate the evacuation."

 **-V-**

It took a long minute for anyone to move or say anything or _do_ anything. For a moment Luffy's brain was full of nothing but the word _WHAT?_ How could Jones have heard-? In the middle of a fight? She was supposed to be smart! That had to be the dumbest thing he'd ever seen.

Kiten didn't even sound like kitten!

"I should be more satisfied by this," Enel muttered, staring at Jones' unconscious form in disbelief.

"I should be more upset about this..." Luffy added, momentarily unable to cut through his confusion to actually punch the guy.

"I should be more surprised by this," Usopp said, facepalming.

"I should be more worried by this," said a little girl hiding in the shrubs near Usopp. Her eyes were shining brightly, large and glazed with awe.

"Zu'u los ni drey eldraag," Ruatha groaned, trying and failing to drag his somewhat charred form from the ground. The little dragon smelled like burned scales; his tail was still twitching out of control from all the electricity.

Luffy turned to stare at Ruatha. "How are you not surprised?!"

"Los monah," was the dragon's only response. Luffy just shook his head at that. He supposed Ruatha knew Jones better than anyone.

. . .

Hey, this was the first time he'd understood what Ruatha was saying. Cool!

Shaking free of the shock that afflicted them all, Enel turned to look at Luffy. "You... Your heartbeat was at the beach. What is your name?"

Huh? Wasn't this guy supposed to be able to read minds or something? Or maybe people had been excel- exam- saying his mystery power was bigger than it was. Luffy made sure his hat was secured on his head.

"I'm Monkey D Luffy, future king of the pirates. And kicker of your ass." He'd given Jones a chance, but this was clearly beyond what she could handle. A captain had to protect his crew...

Enel's eyes narrowed. "You... You're the one who claimed to be immune to my powers."

"What?" When had Luffy ever said that? Was this because Nami's lightning didn't hurt him?

The lightning man with funny ears began to laugh. "Yahahahaha! Even if I can't strike you down with lightning, you're a fool! No man can challenge a god!"

"You're not a god," Luffy replied, sliding down Nola's neck to land on the ground. "You just have one of those mystery element Devil Fruits, like Ace. He can make fire from everywhere like you make lightning."

That made Enel pause, but only for a brief moment. A mad grin grew across his face; yep, this guy was definitely one crazy potato. "Making lightning isn't all I do. _That_ is what makes me a god. Can your Ace create life? Can he?"

A bolt of lightning arced away from Enel's hand, leaping over the trees and ruins to strike something elsewhere on the island. Lines of glowing light traced over his hand; the limb itself deformed into strange shape, hardly looking like a hand anymore at all. Luffy frowned. That didn't seem like it would be any good in a fight.

Oh well. Ass kicking time.

Luffy was three steps into charging Enel when the ground _shook_ beneath his feet. The young captain paused. Nearby, Usopp hugged a tree tight while Ruatha staggered over to Jones and stood unsteadily over her, growling protectively. Enel continued to laugh.

"Yahahahahaha!"

The ground continued to shake, the tremors growing stronger. Off to one side, trees swayed like flowers when a dog charges through a garden. Something gold soon became visible... And then a great shadow soared briefly overhead, landing behind Enel with a resounding _thud_. It was a huge golden cat, its skin marked with strange scenes and grinning faces, its eyes carved from huge semiprecious stones. Its head was as big as the _Merry_ 's figurehead, its body the size of a fishing vessel.

And then it roared.

 _"HAURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

The entire forest shook. Usopp squeaked behind his tree. "That would be _so cool_ if it wasn't going to hurt us!"

Luffy reacted much more aggressively. If Enel was gonna call this thing- this incredibly awesome _thing_ \- to help fight him, then they'd fight. "GUM-GUM PISTOL!"

His fist glanced off the curved dome of the cat's carved head, deflecting into the air. The gold panther turned and focused on him, then lunged faster than Luffy could follow, growling as its mouth split wide. Golden fangs closed around the rubber boy's waist, scooping him up and biting down.

It didn't hurt that much- the teeth weren't sharp- but it was still very uncomfortable. With his organs squished about by the massive fangs, Luffy couldn't breathe very well, and he couldn't fight if he was trapped in a statue's mouth.

Below him, Enel continued laughing away. "Yahahahahaha!"

"Dammit! Quit fooling around! Gum-Gum Bazooka!"

The palms of his hands slammed into the gold panther's head, cracking its jaw. The great beast dropped him, raising a paw to bat him into a tree before he could hit the ground. Luffy bounced off rough bark; the tree snapped in half from the impact, the top falling to the earth with a loud crash.

Enel's deformed hand twitched. That must be how he was controlling the panther. But when Luffy lunged for him, the lightning man slipped aside with a crazed grin. "I know your every move as soon as you think of it, Luffy. My mantra sees your heart and mind."

Dammit. That sounded like that Haki stuff that Jones and Sabo talked about. He'd have to figure out a way around that. Until then, though, he had a giant panther to deal with. Luffy leapt into the air as the great cat tried to crush him with a paw. Flipping through the air, he struck downwards with both feet. His strike bent one of the great cat's ears.

"Gum-Gum Spear!"

The snapback from his attack cause Luffy to flip again, just in time to avoid being crushed between two paws as the panther reared. His feet came down on the statue's muzzle. Luffy shifted and struck again, feet slipping on the smooth gold.

"Gum-Gum Gatling!"

A semiprecious stone cracked beneath his fists, lines spiderwebbing its surface. Beneath him, Enel yelled in pain; Luffy couldn't look to see what was going on. The panther, too, roared in pain. A paw came up and swiped across, claws catching on Luffy's side and flinging him into yet another tree. Unlike the teeth, the claws actually seemed somewhat sharp- nothing special, since gold didn't hold an edge, but there were enough pointy bits to leave bloody pinpricks under Luffy's ribs.

The rubber boy growled. That hurt! His mind leapt unbidden to fighting the giant tiger with Ace and Sabo. Right... They'd used their pipes to block its claws, because claws hurt. Reaching over his shoulder, Luffy pulled his pipe from its place on his back and twisted his arm, racing back into the panther's face. Leaping high, he released his arm and let it spin as he lunged for the panther's lower jaw.

"Gum-Gum Buzzsaw!"

 _Ka-chink-krrrrrrrrrrrr!_

Two paws snapped on either side of him, catching his pipe and arm in between. Luffy was left dangling for a moment. Then the gold statue tossed him in the air, rearing up and catching him in his mouth again as he came down. Arms flailing out to the side to keep them free, Luffy tried a retaliatory strike.

"Gum-Gum Bell!"

 _Sproing!_

His head bounced off the gold panther's ear, the rounded, shining point digging into his temple in a way that would've drawn blood had it been any sharper. That sent an involuntary thrill of fear through Luffy. He shuddered. It had been _way_ too close to scooping out his eye... Like a great golden spoon.

Time to try something new. Luffy inflated himself quickly, trying to force the panther's mouth open. "Gum-Gum Balloon!"

The panther resisted, trying to crush Luffy with its jaws. Huge teeth pinched around his waist, squishing his insides together as his lungs fought to expand. Luffy frowned, inhaling more... Then finally the golden jaws popped open, dropping him as he exhaled to rapidly deflate.

His mind was still on the giant tiger, though Ace and Sabo weren't there. He needed a bit of distance to make this work, though. Kicking out at the panther statue's side, Luffy drove himself away. "Gum-Gum Stamp!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The panther chased after him, pouncing and digging its claws into the ground where he had just been. Luffy rolled to the side a split second before it landed, flinging himself between two thick trees. They were just perfect. He wedged his pipe in between the trunks, hauling back as much as he could on his stretchy arms. And then...

"GUM-GUM ROCKET!"

He slammed into the panther's armpit as it was partway through turning. The impact was actually hard enough to make Luffy's head ache and his ears ring. It did a lot more to the panther, though. Gold was a soft metal- even Luffy knew that. The panther's body folded around his Rocket strike like a cheap suit, flying into the air and slamming hard into the ground. Its landing caused even more folds and crumpling. Luffy hauled himself out of the massive crater in its side, breathing heavily as he scanned his metallic opponent for any sign of movement.

"Moooooaaaaaaaaaaaaah..."

Twitching feebly, the deformed panther tried to rise. It couldn't get more than two paws under itself, though. The great golden head tried to twist towards Luffy, perhaps to grab him one more time, but its own bulging, twisted shoulder got in its way. With a final crackly, growling moan, the huge statue went still. The lightning went out of its eyes, leaving them dull and cracked as Enel's control of the statue fell away.

Luffy pressed a hand to his side. It came away with a spattering of blood, but not too bad. Nodding to himself, the rubber boy turned his attention back to the real threat...

 **-V-**

Crap! This guy could create lightning and _bring statues to life to kill them!_ Usopp whimpered, hunkering down behind his tree. What could he do? He was out of ammo, and even if he wasn't, nothing he had was meant for blowing up something that big! They'd need the ship's cannon!

He should get the _Merry_ 's cannon!

. . .

He didn't know where the _Merry_ was!

Shit, he needed to get out of here, or find a shield, or _something_. Usopp glanced around for a piece of wood big enough to use as cover if he had to move. The sound of footsteps approaching distracted him; Enel was coming around the tree.

"Yahahahahahaha!"

The lightning man seemed unhurried, though he was moving quickly. His laughing face was terrifying, a bizarre grimace of wide eyes and too many teeth. Enel's skin crackled with electricity, his one hand glowing blue where he had deformed it to control the panther statue. Usopp was too frightened to tell whether that act of puppetry was causing the lightning man any level of distraction.

"You... I've seen dozens like you, long nose. A pathetic braggart who hides behind more powerful friends- but they won't save you here. You're hardly worth the effort of killing."

Usopp grimaced nervously, trying and failing to force a smile. "S-so you'll let m-me go, right? I-if I'm n-not worth th-the effort..."

"Oh, no. I'm not that kind of a god. The unworthy cannot be allowed to remain; the world must be cleansed. One Million Volt Vari!"

A single fist of glowing lightning slammed into Usopp several times. The gunner fell back, trying to cover his head. Each touch made his heart jump and his muscles go stiff as electricity tore through his body. His hair smoked; his skin reddened and blistered where Enel touched him. The flashing lights covered his vision in green and blue spots.

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

He had to get away. Usopp grabbed his mallet on instinct, flailing it about in front of him as he staggered back, trying to escape. One swing actually met its target, although he hadn't even really been trying for that; there was a loud _snap_ as the rubber mallet crashed into the side of Enel's knee.

The lightning man's leg splayed out to the side at an angle at which legs were not meant to move. Enel went down on it, astonishment and pain crossing his face. Usopp was able to scramble back a bit while the false god pulled himself together, turning the limb to pure lightning in order to hold it together and control it.

Enel leered menacingly. "Well, well, well... So, the little insect has some bite after all. We'll soon snuff that out. Maybe a slightly higher-powered lamp will fry this little moth. One Hundred Million Volt Vari!"

"IIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Usopp fell to the ground and rolled to the side as the first lightning-enhanced punch swung towards him. Enel tracked his movements, but... Wasn't quite on target. His strikes brushed by millimeters above Usopp's head, crashed into the ground half a centimeter to the left of him. So... Manipulating the panther to fight Luffy _did_ cut down on his concentration. Maybe even prevented his Haki from working right.

. . .

He was still fucking terrifying.

Scrambling along the ground, Usopp tried to race by Enel, hoping the lightning man would be blinded by his own flashing punches. He tried to crack his mallet hard on Enel's toe as he did so, although the lightning man skipped back just in time to avoid the strike.

"Sango!"

A wide blast of electricity spewed forth as Enel waved his hand. Usopp dove across the ground, trying to get out of the way. But whether he was too slow or the lightning wave was simply too large to avoid, he still got hit. The attack flung Usopp across the forest floor, sending him tumbling and rolling, every muscle in his body going stiff.

The taste of copper filled his mouth; he'd bitten his tongue. Usopp rolled stifling onto his hands and knees. Everything hurt... He had to get away. This guy was made of lightning! If he didn't get away, he was going to die!

"Monah... Fen praad..."

Ruatha's voice made Usopp freeze. The little dragon was nudging Jones with his nose, trying to make her wake up. His white scales were as singed and blistered as Usopp's skin. The Shandian girl Aisa was trying to help, tugging on Jones' arm while staring fearfully at Enel.

If he left, Usopp realized, Enel would immediately turn on them. And they _couldn't_ escape.

Usopp dropped to the ground, pretending his arms had given out beneath him. It was an old trick, one bullies fell for every time. Enel was no exception. The lightning man came closer, his footsteps so light they barely disturbed the dead leaves on the ground.

Heart leaping into his mouth, Usopp did his best not to breathe visibly. His eyes were barely cracked open, watching his opponent through the haze of his eyelashes. Stay still, stay still... He needed Enel to think he was dead for as long as possible.

"Hmmmph..." Enel gave Usopp a rough nudge- almost a kick- with his foot. "Not quite as pathetic as I thought. Still, no match for a god. The likes of you must be cleansed before the way to Fairy Vearth will be opened."

He pulled his arm back, gathering electricity to attack. Shit! He'd seen through it! Usopp lunged to his feet without thinking, rubber mallet swinging in broad, barely controlled arcs.

"USOPP RUBBER HAMMER!"

 _Crunch! Crack!_

"El Thor!"

A massive pillar of blue-white light shot down from the sky, homing in on Enel and Usopp. The gunner tried to leap out of the way, but he couldn't make it far enough. His muscles went stiff as lightning surged through them, flinging him into the air with the force of the contraction. Usopp landed heavily on his side when he came down, dizzy and disoriented, his lungs struggling to breathe against the pain in his... Well, his everything.

Biting back a whimper, Usopp dragged himself trembling back to his feet. His hand was clenched so tightly around the handle of his mallet so tightly that it hurt. He didn't think he could have let go if he'd tried.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Lurching forwards, Usopp flailed his stiff arm wildly. He didn't think too much about aiming or where he wanted to strike- if he did, Enel would simply dodge.

 _BZZZZZZZT!_

Instead of dodging, Enel cast forth an electric charge from his hand. The mild crackle of lightning latched onto the trident he'd made from his staff. It drew the golden weapon to his grip as if pulled by a magnet- but gold wasn't magnetic. Enel swung the trident up just in time to block Usopp's mallet.

One fist, crackling with lightning, swung at Usopp's chest. The gunner fell back on his ass to get out of the way, mallet flailing up to strike the aggressing arm in the elbow.

 _CRACK!_

"GAAAH! YOU INSOLENT LITTLE-!"

Enel's injured arm hung limp, his elbow at an odd angle- sprained or potentially broken. Dropping his trident, the lightning logia backhanded Usopp with his good hand, knocking the gunner flat on his back. A poorly thought out attempt at kicking his opponent in the shins as this happened left Usopp's feet tingling.

Then Enel froze for a moment. There was a mighty crash behind him, the sound of his golden panther crumpling in on itself after something Luffy had done. It was followed by a ragged gasp from Enel as the lightning logia doubled over, clutching the glowing hand of his disabled arm.

"Moooooaaaaaaaaaaaaah..."

Enel recovered- in a manner of speaking- before Usopp could properly take advantage of his pause. Lurching forwards, he aimed a heavy kick at Usopp's ribs, but his aim was off and he struck the hand that held his rubber mallet instead. The tool was sent spinning a short distance away; Usopp scrabbled after it through the undergrowth. When Enel tried to kick him again, Usopp gave the lightning logia a solid whack right on the toe.

"OW! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Well, that didn't sound very godly. Just livid... and tired. Enel began to glow blue, his outlines warping and shimmering, waist thickening, hair bursting out from under his bandanna.

"Clearly I've underestimated you, little moth. No matter... You'll still perish before the might of a god. Max 200,000,000 Volt Amaru!"

His transformation completed, leaving Enel looking like the heavy, angry gods Usopp had once seen in a book about mythic Wano. Clapping his hands together, the lightning logia released an enormous burst of electricity. It was too big, to fast, too _close_ to dodge... The bolt of lightning struck Usopp full in the stomach.

 _ **PAIN!**_

Usopp went incredibly stiff, then incredibly limp. His joints popped; his skin and muscles ached and stung and burned. Something smelled like it was on fire; he couldn't tell if it was him. Through it all, though, he refused to relinquish his hold on the one thing he had that could hurt this monster... The one thing he had that could protect his friends.

For a moment, even his chest seemed frozen from pain. Usopp couldn't tell if his heart had stopped briefly or if it was beating a million times a second. In that moment, Enel loomed over him, his glowing blue outline dominating the gunner's now foggy vision.

Enel nudged Usopp with his foot. "See, little moth? This is your place. Even a tengu such as yourself is no more than an insect before the might of a true god."

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._ Blood rushed in Usopp's ears as his heart decided to start working again. No time to think, no time to feel... Simply go _up_ as had and fast as you can, putting the full weight and power of your body into a _leaping_ strike.

"USOPP HAMMER!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"

Usopp drove his mallet up as hard as he could into the nearest convenient target- Enel's crotch. The lightning logia's eyes went white, rolling back in his head; his glowing blue transformation fell away. Enel collapsed, first to his knees, then flat on his face in the dirt, both hands cupping his abused groin. His breathing slowed to a quiet whine, then trailed off into silence.

Unconscious.

"I'm quite proud of my nose, I'll have you know," Usopp gasped, spitting out a gob of blood. "I got it from my mother."

He felt like he was going to die or be sick or pass out or _something_. Usopp swayed where he stood, trying to decide which of those options sounded best. He was _exhausted_... Everything _hurt_... He wanted to sleep for a week, but he wasn't sure if it was safe.

A familiar, slightly worried voice shook the gunner out of his stupor. "Hey Usopp, you okay?"

Who? Oh, right, Luffy. Usopp looked up just in time to see his captain sliding down the twisted remains of Enel's giant golden panther. Luffy's face was creased with a small frown. Pulling himself together as much as he was able, Usopp raised his free hand to shoot his captain a thumbs up.

"I- I did it Luffy! I protected everyone!"

"That's great!" Luffy bounced as he reached the ground, frown morphing into a wide smile. The captain bounded over to Enel's unconscious form and began tying him up- although the amount of good that would do if the unconscious logia regained his senses was questionable. But still, probably better than nothing.

"Mwahahah!" Usopp's adrenaline drained away like someone had unplugged a bathtub. His trembling legs gave out under him even as the gunner was consumed with shaky, unstoppable laughter. He had _survived_ , dammit! Survived and _won!_ He hardly felt it as he fell over onto his back, spread-eagled and staring up at the wide blue sky. Slowly, painfully, the fingers clenched around the handle of his mallet began to uncurl.


End file.
